#when i say i don't mind being a woman i'm LYING I LITERALLY MIND SO MUCH I HATE IT HERE

[binch-i-might-be]

alright that's it I'm bringing up my stupid unspecified vagina trauma in my next therapy session

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Often when people talk about appearance of characters in media, especially that of women, some use an argument along the lines of "Why would I want to look at someone ugly in the games I play/shows I watch/etc.?"

From what I saw, and if I'm not wrong, you prefer to not engage with that kind of argument, but if you absolutely had to, what answer would you give that could have a chance to make those people see and maybe agree with your point?

I mean, the reason why I wouldn't engage with that argument is that it is always, universally, without exception, an argument made in bad faith, by people who are lying when they utter it. And it takes only the briefest examination of reality to determine this.

The argument they pretend to make is that "there is no reason to desire things that are not pleasurable in entertainment," in response to which I present The Concept Of Horror Media, or the success of Jackass, or South Park, or literally any subversive prank show, or sports as a concept, or the genre of tragedy, or the phenomenon of people rubbernecking. I present true crime podcasts and biographies of John Wayne Gacy and Mortal Kombat fatalities, I present unflinchingly earnest documentaries about war and disease, I present cringe comedy, I present the entire online media genre of pimple popper videos.

Human beings desire so much more than beauty, so much more than aesthetic pleasure (and indeed we can take aesthetic pleasure in so much more than beauty). We find entertainment in disgust, horror, fear, revulsion, sorrow, embarrassment, pain and, yes, "ugliness" all the time, and we have done for as long as we have had sentient minds to entertain.

So this argument "why would I want to look at someone ugly in a video game" is simply a lie. It is an argument made in bad faith by people whom I will guarantee you against a bet of real money constantly look at things which are "ugly" for entertainment.

It is a lie, it is a stupid lie, and while I'm sure that many or most of the people who peddle that lie don't realize they are lying when they do it, it remains a lie which isn't worth dignifying with a response.

And anyway, 99% of the time they don't mean "ugly" they mean "woman who I don't find fuckable" or they mean "fat" or they mean "trans" or they mean "queer" or "non-white," they mean someone or some thing which falls into a category which they feel entitled to hate, and they are trying to enforce the normality of that hate.

You cannot logic someone out of a position they didn't logic themselves in to, and there is very rarely anything you can say to these people to make them reconsider. They are reacting emotionally, they are reacting on the impulse towards disgust and hatred, and they will rationalize a lie to excuse it.

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

It makes my heart ache that Penber starved Naomi of the validation she so rightly deserved so much that the second a freaking kid goes, "I think you're right" her eyes light up and she says, "Really? You mean that?" Honey... Oh honey...

She is a former FBI agent. He is a highschooler. LIKE.

Light's literally not even gassing her up. He's just acknowledging and respecting her intelligence and treating her like a goddamn person, and it has her practically over the moon enough to smile since probably the first time Penber died. She's being told that her deductions make sense. Her brain is worth something after all. Light's not lying when he tells her her theory could become central to the Kira case. It's literally the truth. He acknowledges this to himself. It's basic fact. And he treats it like such, and verbalizes that to her as such after a touch of light skepticism to see the strings she's connected. And she's all for it.

And she has indeed connected them. Every single one. Everything she's saying makes sense, but she's been so goddamn trained by Penber that she was very nearly resigned to not being believed. She's adamant to explain her conspiracy board piece by piece in person because she's so acutely aware of getting swept aside, but she still knows she's right, and that her deduction is important, and she overcomes that fear and goes anyway.

She is a careful, intelligent woman. She IS. All Light does is respect that and she's suddenly spilling fucking everything to a kid she doesn't know, who she knows is tied to the police, who she knows have a leak, who she knows her fiance was investigating. She plays some cards close to her chest but she's just so swept away by being believed for once that. Well. She dies.

Light very quickly falls into honeytrapping and using women as tools but based on this I wonder how much of it is his. I don't know. Headcanon territory alert but. Seeing a reflection of the self in them? IIRC he only does this to women who are blatantly attracted to him. He doesn't seek to use Naomi in any way. Manipulate her, yes, as she's a very real threat but she's also blatantly a person to him even before he learns how much she knows. I very well could be reaching, but I could see Light seeing people who are attracted to him and being disgusted by them. He knows he's attractive on the surface, but underneath...

Does Light see the world as rotting because he's viewing it through the lens of self? Ykno?

They see his face and swoon and suddenly it's like they don't seek to know him at all. He's effectively been a prop his whole life, a model 'good son', and he sees that he's become a prop to these people too. So, too, do they become props to him. He's serving his worth to them by just being there - it's practically reciprocal, and therefore the fair and right thing to do.

Light uses Misa. He's not kind to her. He uses Takada. He's really not all that kind to her either, though he's less blatant about it to her face for the most of it. He cheats on them with each other aaaaand literally doesn't care if they might be hurt. But he still trusts Takada to effectively become his second, and trusts Misa to information gather and write names and follow a plan outside his immediate supervision. He is a two-timing manipulative gaslighting bag of dicks who'd happily sell them to the devil for a corn chip, but I'm tempted to think that's because he knows their worth, their abilities, sees his need of them, and is therefore always keeping that in mind as he tries to seduce them sweetly to where he needs them to be. Light thinks women are easy as hell, his opinion of their intelligence is definitely a hand waggle at best but he still sees them. And honestly, he thinks everyone's intelligence is a hand waggle at best, and he thinks everybody is easy to manipulate, and he's, frankly, not always proven wrong. His dismissal is pretty sex-neutral. Women probably get singled out because statistically she's gonna be straight and therefore attracted to him and that's just another button he can mash. Looking at Mikami, I have no doubts he'd treat men who are interested in him in the same way.

Naomi, obviously, is not attracted to him in this way even though he's able to please her with almost excessive ease. Naomi therefore seems to retain her personhood in his mind. 'She's just a woman', yeah, he thinks to himself as he's freaking out and going over worst case scenarios where he might actually have to assault her. She's smaller than him. Her long hair means she has an easy handhold. He's not really figuring out that she could kick his ass before he can do so much as yelp... he still hesitates, doesn't go for it, and finds another way. He thinks to himself that she's too careful for him to successfully assault her even though she's 'just a woman'. People say he taunts her after she walks away to commit her suicide but I'm not so sure he is. He's ensuring his alibi publicly in every way he can, to anyone who happens to pass them by, to anyone who can see him smile, to anyone who can hear him and register his 'friendly' voice the moment he's not speaking so only Naomi can hear. Naomi is a threat. Naomi is careful. Naomi is very, very fucking smart. Light needs to ensure his victory as much as possible, and is acting to do this from every angle even as Naomi is in the grips of the Death Note's thrall because she's goddamn Naomi Misora.

And Light, though he's only met her very briefly, knows that. There is no way he didn't enjoy that cat and mouse game. Of course he revelled in his victory. She was an exceptional opponent who very nearly had him in checkmate several times in, like, the span of a half hour. L's been at this for months and he's never gotten as close to catching Kira as Naomi did lmao Him being giddy makes sense in that context.

Penber trusts Naomi enough to get him tea and keep house. He tells her as much to her face. All she is, is his fiance. That's all she's good for anymore - whatever her capability, whatever her intelligence, whatever her reputation 'before', they're now worthless. He'd never even think to try and manipulate her to make use of her blatant fucking intelligence because he literally doesn't see it. He dismisses her skills out of hand. What a waste. What a goddamn waste. If Naomi had been the one investigating Light, he'd be in custody before Ryuk even told him he was being stalked.

[bisexualenbyblueberry]

My Favourite Details This Season

Callum pacing and tossing the cube in episode 1 he's just like me fr

"I heard you were up here losing your mind ;)"

"Lots of books, I like books :D"

"I HAVE AN IDEA" "So,,,, what's your idea-" *runs out of room*

"I HAVE A SECRET PLAN" with the most dramatic stage whisper I've ever heard

SNEEZLES IN CALLUM'S SCARF

Pyrrah stretching like a cat

Literally every interaction Soren and Corvus have. The party conversation. "Maybe it's edible" "NO, and PLEASE don't find out" and then Corvus having to tell him to spit it out. "You’re a man of mystery, Corvus ;)))" and "You clearly didn’t learn anything at camp 🙄🙄🙄" “It’s not great.” “Yeah I tried. “Okay” “It’s the effort”. Soren’s head falling onto Corvus’ chest

Janai being so damn tall. I swear to god this woman grows like a foot every season. What is happening to her. Why is she like that

"Wake up kids!" When they arrive at the frozen sea

"It’s literally frozen in time 😮" "it’s literally frozen in ice, it’s figuratively frozen in time"

"The frozen ship, so sad😔"

Rayla sitting on the table reading a book imagining the characters she’s so silly

“Is Rayla crying?? I’M COMING RAYLA 😡😡😡”

“Rayla! I’m here!” *door slams in his face*

"NO PUNCHING THE BOAT" and Callum's facial expression and pose afterwards 😭

Sneezles and Stella being buddies

“Your breath is warm” “Oh…sorry”

The way they SITTT (Karim in his throne, Janai after trying to burn the tree, Soren against the wall in the first meeting, Miyana on the rocks in the second episode, Ezran on his bed, Janai near the tree, Rayla lying on her bed and on the table)

 RAYLLUM ON THE SIDE OF THE SHIP

“ARE YOU BEGGING FOR MERCY?” “NO” “GOOD, YOU DON'T DESERVE ANY” HOLYYYY SHIT

Terry's glasses making their heavily anticipated return

"And this is Rayla- wait, did you want to do your own intro?"

"Welcome to the starscraper 😌" "WELCOME?! YOU NEARLY KILLED US" "Nearly, but the fates seem to have another path in mind for you" "The FATES?! What does that even... is that even an apology?!"

"Okay, you both seem on the nice side, so not to be rude... as if somehow this is ruder than throwing people out from a great height🙄🙄🙄..."

“Wait, is everyone else wearing blindfolds too?” “That is a joke.” “Yeah it was funny 😡”

Astrid saying Callum has greasy hair

STELLA TRYING TO STEAL THE SKETCHBOOK

“Where’d you get that comically large block of ice”

Callum trying and failing to use Rayla’s blade and almost cutting his fingers off

“How do I insult a star spider? 😆 Ezran would know what to do- ow OW HEY”

Astrid’s little trans speech your honor I love her

"This orb.... is a giant peice of candy 😐"

Jack De Sena's voice acting in Kosmo's hallucination?? Hello?? Poured out his heart and soul all for a hypothetical

"A child will die 😠" I'M SORRY IT'S A FINE LINE BUT IT CATERS TOO MUCH TO MY SENSE OF HUMOUR FOR ME TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

Wind elk :)))))

The awkward giggles when they're about to kiss that first time

THE VOWS, THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THE CEREMONIES??? EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WEDDING IS PERFECT I’M CRYING

The entire “fiscal exercices” conversation 

“HER DAD JUST DIED”

Leola. Just everything about Leola she's just like me fr

Feel free to add on because I certainly will. This list is like 50% unfinished

[gingerlee-holds]

I feel bad for popping a request in ☠ anyway

If you're feeling up to it, perhaps ler Todoroki x lee Reader (bc me and reader insert are inseparable /j) from MHA? Length, perhaps 900+ words if possible? But I'll be grateful for anything haha, I also don't want to force you to write more if you're not feeling inspired i'm gonna be honest here I haven't watched MHA in a long time ☠ and I have no idea what scenarios would be realistic because he's,, Todoroki,,

Personally i'm a sucker for evil/more intense tickles because I wish I was ticklish but if that makes you uncomfy do feel free to ignore :)

oh hush, you!!! i love requests, so thank you so so much!! i just hope this is somewhat what you wanted heehee- enjoy!!! i have a huge crush on this dork so that creeps in- also the reader's quirk is whatever you want it to be, cuz its not mentioned- also also!! im really really sorry if i fuck the names up cuz from what i know of the show, Todoroki is the family name, so Shoto is the given name but i could be totally wrong

i just wanna say that i really really like writing the rambly bits from Shoto about the book-

the reader is sorta a brat lol

Like Poetry

Words: 2,334 Pairing: Ler!Shoto, Lee!Reader Warnings: lotta fluff!!! not proofread!!!

You groaned as you entered the common room. Mr. Aizawa’s personal training was brutal today, and you were not looking forward to feeling how sore your muscles would be tomorrow morning. Sighing, you grabbed one of Sato’s cupcakes from the counter and flopped onto the sofa, confident it would be unoccupied. It was about seven in the evening on a Friday, which meant everyone was either in their rooms or somewhere around town. 

You huffed into the mattress before gasping at the sound of a page being turned. Looking up, you saw you were about a foot away from, in your mind, the strongest student in your class. He was sitting with perfect posture, reading a book with yellowed pages. On the coffee table sat a mug filled with tea.

Shoto Todoroki didn’t look up from his book at you. If he knew you were there, he didn’t show it. He silently read, seemingly fully absorbed. You sat upright, shaking off the embarrassment of almost landing on him, of all people. 

You cleared your throat and gobbled up your cupcake in one bite, setting the wrapper down next to his tea. Still, he didn’t move. Raising an eyebrow, you poked him in the side to get his attention, and the surprised gasp he gave made you giggle. Shoto looked at you, brow furrowed in annoyance, but his face soon softened when you smiled and waved.

“Hi!” you said chipperly. 

He nodded politely in return. “Hello, Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.”

With a chuckle, you shoved his shoulder. “No worries! Whatcha reading, bookworm?”

Shoto tilted his head. “I’m not a worm.”

You sighed and repeated your question without the tease. You loved that your classmate was so adorably literal. 

“I’m reading this book of old poetry. I don’t remember where I got it - it feels like my family’s always had it lying around. I decided to read it today since everyone’s out.” His voice was calm as he spoke.

You were somewhat interested in the subject but mostly just wanted to hear him talk some more. It was so rare that he spoke. “Anything good in there?”

“I found this one that I liked,” Shoto said before flipping back a few pages. “Rain on lemongrass. / Ash trees weep o’er their lost sun: / Their light and love, gone.”

The poem made you hum in thought. “What’s it about?”

“Well, isn’t it obvious?” he asked. Taken on its face, it was an insulting question, but you knew Shoto was genuinely unsure whether to explain it. You shook your head in reply. “The poem is about heartbreak. A woman falls in love with someone, and suddenly, that person has to leave. The woman feels like she has nothing left as she cries into a world that has bigger concerns than her. Soon, perhaps, her love shall return, the sun re-emerging from the clouds, but there’s also the possibility that she doesn’t last until then, and the wind blows her over. Ash trees symbolize grief, so perhaps they may never meet again. The lemongrass, evoking a cheerful memory, is smothered under the rains that hide her beloved.” Suddenly, he looked up from the page. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was rambling.”

You scratched your head. “How did you get all that from just three lines?” You didn’t mind, of course. He was cute when he rambled. To your great surprise, he let out a soft and sheepish smile. 

“Well, I suppose I have too much time on my hands,” he said, looking away. You smirked and poked his side again, giggling at his surprised reaction. Shoto let out a muffled yelp and jumped, glaring at you suspiciously and rubbing his side. “Quit that.” 

“Sorry, Icy-hot! Can’t be helped!” You held up both your hands in mock surrender.

“Hm,” Shoto mumbled, looking back to the book. “This book was written entirely by hand. See? This character is slightly different here, here, and here,” he continued, pointing at different parts of the page. “And from what I can tell, its publication predates quirks, hence why they are not mentioned. If they had quirks, you would think there’d be a suggestion of their existence, no? Yet there’s nothing. For all intents and purposes, it seems like this book is a remnant of a simpler world.” His expression looked distant as if his mind were a hundred miles and years away. 

You leaned back, folding your arms behind your head. “Sounds dorky. Maybe you should tell Deku! I’m sure he’d be all too interested,” you chuckled, then looked over. If he heard your comment, he gave no sign. He must still be lost in thought. Looking down at his side, you saw it was perfectly exposed. You were pushing your luck. Then again, what is a hero if not someone who tries their luck? You pursed your lips together and quickly extended your hand to poke Shoto’s side again. 

But he was faster. As if expecting your reckless act, he set his book down and grabbed your hand before it made contact in one fluid movement. “You don’t listen, do you?”

“I do my utmost to avoid doing that, yes,” you said, giggling nervously. His grip was firm, giving you no delusions of escape. His hand was chilly, as if Shoto was threatening to encase your whole arm in ice at any moment. You tugged slightly.

He didn’t let go. “No, you need to learn this lesson.” Somehow, that was among the scariest things you’ve ever heard, right alongside the speech of the hero killer and Mr. Aizawa announcing an extra homework assignment before the summer break. Shoto pushed your legs toward the end of the couch, pinning you to his chest with both hands held behind you. You shuddered as Shoto said, “Now, learn well.”

Since both your hands were stuck behind you against his torso, you couldn’t defend yourself whatsoever when he descended both hands onto your stomach. You erupted into bright, bubbly laughter and kicked your feet like that would do anything to help. All that went through your head was repeated, ‘Oh, fuck, that tickles!’ 

You heard Shoto’s hum of approval from behind you as he clawed his fingers over the thin fabric of your shirt. “Interesting,” he mumbled to himself. 

“ShIhihihihIt! ShohOhOHohotoHoHoho!” You shook your head and thrashed all you could, but it didn’t matter. Shoto was stronger, and he would make sure you knew it. 

“Yes, Y/N?” he asked casually.

“STohohoHOAhaap!!” It didn’t have a chance of working, but it didn’t hurt to try.

“No.” Shoto’s clawed hands squeezed around your stomach in circles, taking a moment to dwell on your extra-ticklish lower stomach, which he took delight in exploiting. If you didn’t know any better, you would even say he enjoyed it as much as you were. 

“NohOHoHOhoHT TheheHEherre!” you pleaded helplessly, throwing your head back to give your torturer the best puppy eyes you could… although they were far less effective than you had hoped since they were quickly squeezed shut in uproarious laughter. 

“Here? Right here, yes?” Shoto released a flurry of pokes on your lower stomach as if he wanted confirmation.

You nodded and hiccupped, doing all you could to contain the blush that bloomed on your face at the sound of his cooing hum. Mercifully, he gave you a break, and you panted for breath against him. “Shihihitt…” you giggled, squirming in his grasp to get the ghost tickles off your tummy. 

“Here,” Shoto said, and you turned to see he was holding up his mug for you. Gratefully, you took a big sip of the refreshing tea, smiling a little at the warmth of it. It was strangely sweet; you had expected Shoto to only like the bitter teas, but surprisingly, the flavor was somewhat sugary. As if reading your mind, Shoto said, “It’s chamomile. It helps me relax.” He took the mug from your mouth and set it back on the table. 

Shoto cleared his throat. “Now,” he began, “Have you learned your lesson?”

“Is my release dependent on how I answer that?”

“Yes.”

“Then… Never!” You madly giggled as you attempted to escape his grasp before quickly regretting it. He had you suitably pinned, and to further reinforce his lesson, you realized with terror that he was rolling up your shirt to your ribs. “Wait, Shoto-!”

Your tormentor didn’t give you time to finish. Without fanfare, his hands descended onto your exposed tummy. Instead of clawing around, as he had done before, he was using quick scribbles, which, coupled with his cold fingers on your bare skin, was maddening. 

“SHohOhoHOTO!” You had no idea you were so ticklish! By the looks of things, it seemed like he had been in tickle fights before, and from how badly he was wrecking you, he was used to winning them. 

He hummed in thought as your thrashing weakened. “Your belly button is incredibly ticklish,” he observed. It was, to your dismay, very accurate. It didn’t help that his cold finger was heightening the feeling!

“PLehEHehEHHEase! MeheHEheheercyy!” you squealed out, kicking and bucking like a horse.

“Goodness, you’re dramatic. It’s only tickling, Y/N. If anything, this should build your endurance. What if the League captured you? I doubt you’d last a minute before you spill everything you know if they knew this weakness of yours.”

Why did he have to be so monotone with his teasing? He sounded so casual as if he were still explaining the history of that old book - only he was speaking over your hysterical cackling. He was a fast learner, too: he was pretty adept at locating the spots that got an especially wild reaction out of you and cruel in punishing them.

Shoto’s fingers increased in pace while always keeping one wiggling about in your navel. “I know,” he said, “I get it; you’re very, very ticklish. Now calm down.” You could hear the smile in his voice. He was having fun! “I wonder… you’ve inspired me to write my own poetry! Let’s see…” He paused to think, unfortunately not slowing down the tickles, making you yelp and shriek. “Ticklish cutie / Squealing on the couch with glee / With a cute tummy,” he slowly said as if writing it down. With a gasp, you felt him do just that, writing down the poem on your belly with the tip of his fingernail. 

You turned beet-red as you threw your head back, your laughter turning silent. You had long since begun crying with delight, and tears rolled down your cheeks in rivers, but he didn’t stop until you started coughing. With a chuckle, he released you, and you panted for breath. You didn’t move from his lap, and Shoto didn’t seem to mind. He gently placed a hand on your forehead, tilting it toward him. 

“Are you alright?” he asked gently. You nodded with a smile, which he returned. His smile was inviting, like a sunbeam on a winter’s day. He slowly helped you sit back up and handed you his mug again. You eagerly gulped it down. The tea was warm and sweet, and when you finished it and set it back on the table, you realized that Shoto wasn’t too different. 

“Thank you, Shoto,” you said softly.

“For the tea?”

“Yes,” you replied, “and… for the tickles. It… helped me unwind.” You looked away and rubbed your neck shyly. 

“You’re welcome, Y/N. It was fun for me, too. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh like that.” He smiled again, a small treat like candy. “It’s nice to see you so carefree. You’re usually a ball of nerves,” Shoto admitted bluntly, making you sigh and nod in agreement. 

You basked in the silence for a bit before both of you suddenly looked up. That was the unmistakable sound of… And right on cue, the word ‘mumble’ began to figuratively float across your field of view. At its origin, you and Shoto saw Izuku madly scribbling in his notebook and mumbling about something. You swore you caught the words “ticklish,” “stomach,” and “squeals.” 

Behind Izuku, standing in the hallway, were Ochaco, Denki, Tsuyu, Mina, Eijiro, and Kyoka. The first two desperately attempted to quiet Izuku, to no avail. You sat bolt upright, glaring at the unwelcome audience. 

Eijiro broke the silence with a playful swat to the back of Izuku’s head. “You got us caught with your nerd shit, Deku,” he joked, making the green-haired hero look away backfully. 

“That was adorable!” Mina grinned, pointing at you. “You made a bunch of noise, so we wanted to check it out!” 

“You’d better erase what you wrote, Deku.” You spoke calmly but in a way that gave no misapprehensions about your seriousness. 

Ochaco looked over Izuku’s shoulder. “Doesn’t look like he’s gonna do that.”

“Midoriya,” Shoto spoke up. “Be sure to write that they couldn’t use their quirk while being tickled.”

You gasped at the betrayal. “Don’t you fucking dare write that, Deku!”

With a glance, Denki, Kyoka, and Tsuyu replied simultaneously, “Oh, he’s already writing it.”

With a growl, you shot from the couch. “You’re fucking dead, Deku!” Your classmates yelped with shock and ran down the hall from you, stifling their giggles. 

Eijiro, egging you on, tossed back over his shoulder a snide, “Now you’re sounding like Katsuki!”

“Oh, I’ll make Katsuki look like a fucking bag of pop rocks when I’m done with you idiots!” Your threat carried no heat since it was filled with giggles. You couldn’t help but laugh at the ludicrousness of the situation, smiling fondly at how much you loved your friends.

And behind you, on the couch, Shoto grinned with pride as he picked up his book to continue reading. He was glad he had been allowed to be so affectionate with someone for a chance. Absent-mindedly, he picked up his mug of tea for a sip but sighed disappointingly at the lack of tea inside. Maybe he needed bigger mugs. 

[youremyheaven]

I had some perspective altering sex with this Bharani Sun & Mercury man. He's been obsessed with me for over a year (idk what it is but men who want me, pursue me for years 😳) and he calls himself my "admirer" and he's just madly blindly completely taken by me, I'd never casually say that about anyone but for a year and a half, this guy has been there for me in a way nobody ever has 😭😭and he's never even met me. He came to my city today morning from ANOTHER STATE just to see me 😭😭😭😭and we had a great time just hanging out and stuff but then we went back to his hotel room and he was just being casual and just talking to me and stuff but then the vibe changed and I started to kiss him 😳and then he stopped me and hugged me and said "I don't deserve to have sex with a woman like you. Please never forget your worth. You're so precious, very very few people deserve to see you naked" 😭😭😭😭😭 I felt so ???? like he's 34 and he's very protective of me in a big brotherly way and he's just always seen me in such a positive light??? and i felt kinda embarrassed 🤡and he literally just lay there hugging me and told me how I'll go very far in life and how I have a bright future ahead of me and how he feels blessed to even get to hold me like this 😭😭😭 but then the vibe changed and he went down on me, and kissed every square inch of my skin and ate my 🍑and idk if this is a Bharani guy thing but both arm guy and this guy (who I'll call bald guy because he's a skinhead) just stare at me lying down or lying on top of me and don't do anything 😭😭😭 Venusian men are kinda awkward at making love I feel like??? Both of them treat me like I'm too precious to be fucked which I really like kinda tbh but sometimes you just want someone to fck you like a ragdoll if ykwim 😭😭😭😭 and both of them say the same exact thing "I just want to take it all in" like ok king but I want to take it all in too 😭😭INSIDE ME THO 😭😭 and I'm literally begging him to fck me and he says he can't 🤡🤡🤡 and I was like huh 😳 and he said he cannot bring himself to fuck me 😭😭 I WOULD'VE SCREAMED, like I'm horny out of my mind 😭and idk if y'all know what it's like to be edged BUT THAT SHIT IS PAINFUL 😖😫 and I gave up and we're just cuddling and talking about stuff and he says "I love you, if you ever need anything I'm here for you, I've loved you for a year and a half now and I've always dreamt of saying it to you and now I get to, so here, I love you" 😭😭😭😳🤡 and so many of his habits in bed reminded me of arm guy ngl 😭🤡 down to some of the things they said to me and the moment they said it etc 🤡🤡🤡 it's the Bharani effect I think 😳😳😳and by that point I lost all hope but then he started touching me again and finally he lost all self control and he was like fck it and FINALLY put it in 😌😌 and when i tell you, i saw stars 😩😩 but he lost his hardness and couldn't finish and said he wasn't feeling confident and I told him it's okay because I didn't even care about cumming at that point, I just wanted to be pounded into 😭😭😭 and then we finally left 😭he dropped me home in a rickshaw (he didn't have to come but he still did 🥺) and he spent hella money today just paying for everything 🫶 and in the rickshaw he told me "if anybody asks you who I am, tell them I'm your sugar daddy" 😭😭🤡 he was just joking obviously but it kinda felt like it 😳😤😳

But it was so emotional and so healing in some ways and just the way he handled my body like I was made of crystal or something 😭 really 🤌🤌rewired my brain I feel like 😭😭😭

[pandorasfavorite]

Get Out Of There

AN: Yo I just wanted to make a short drabble but I had to make a gif. My punishment is an even smaller drabble

---------------------------------------

Every relationship has rules and the rules for you and Dominik were the same.

Always communicate

Be respectful to one another

and don't talk to no body that will get you in trouble

The third rule applies to many different situations, like Dominik or you shouldn't get involved with anyone that may cause problems for your career. That is a person that would get you in 'trouble'. But mainly in this relationship that meant don't go around fucking with anyone else or talking to any other woman/man for no reason.

Of course, some people didn't apply, but a person that you didn't like...such as Cathy was a huge no-no. You have told Dominik a few times how much she ticks you off and also that he should avoid her as much as possible. Dominik is loyal to the core, quite literally other women don't even cross his mind. But here comes Cathy trying to pick his brain about his losing match and his relationship. That's something you'd hate.

"Excuse me, Dominik? Can we get a word?", she says in her high-pitched voice that always makes your head ring. Dominik sighs and looks away attempting to ignore her, he is pressing the elevator button so hard it may jam. She stands there beside him waiting, pressuring him with a microphone and camera. "I'm kinda in a hurry right now", he says putting his hand up, still glancing at the elevator periodically.

"What could've changed out there that would've gotten you that victory?", he rolls his eyes and grimaces at the reminder. Cathy is making it even harder to be around, MIND YOU he shouldn't be around her anyway. "Obviously mami being by my side- Where is this elevator?!", he presses the button harshly again frantically. Cathy starts looking at the camera as if she is offended, which she should be considering Dominik wasn't worried about her feelings.

Finally the elevator doors open and Dominik is the first to rush in and find a corner to stand in. He puts his hand on his face and takes it down quickly, but in reality, he is trying not to get incredibly annoyed by this woman. As she is talking and berating him with questions Dominik is looking for any way to escape, he even pushes on the elevator walls. She keeps asking him questions and Dominik goes back to the sliding doors of the elevator, "Actually I don't wanna-". Dominik has clearly changed his mind about catching a ride.

She asks him yet another question, "Are we done here? Are you done?", Dominik asks but he isn't truly waiting on an answer. He turns to the man sitting in the elevator, "We almost there good sir?", the guy just nods at Dominik. Dominik restrains himself from letting out a sigh of relief. Cathy only gets closer and more pushy for Dominik to answer her questions until Dominik essentially snaps. "My wife doesn't like me talking to you, and I don't like it either", he asserts when the elevator doors open. "Thanks, Cathy", he says sarcastically when he walks past the doors of the hall and finally away from the prodding woman.

After Dominik gets home and showers, he goes to find you in bed lying on your side. You turn over and smile at the familiar feeling of Dominik's weight joining the bed, you lay on your back and look over at him, "Hey baby, how was work? Sorry I had to call in today", you ask him with that soft smile that was reserved for him. Dominik's face turns into a small cute frown at the mention of his day and he lays down on the bed. He slips his arm under your head and pulls you closer into his chest, "Cathy followed me into the elevator and kept asking me questions', he recalled and told you immediately. Being transparent was your favorite thing.

Dominik could've sworn he seen your eyes go dark at the mere mention of her name. "She did what?", you ask in a unruly tone. Dominik kisses the side of your temple in hopes for you to relax and to not take this too seriously. "She was poking at me about the match earlier", he said nonchalantly while playing with strands of your hair. "Well don't worry babe, I'll see her tomorrow", you said in a sweet tone, patting his hand that feel over your shoulder from the position.

Dominik sits up a bit in his spot looking down at you, "Mi Amor no. It's not worth it, I told her off", he reassures you and kisses the corner of your lips. You sit and contemplate how mad you really are. And yeah you're mad, but being with Dominik softens it up a bit. You purse your lips and simply nod, leaning up to peck Dominik's lips before going back to laying on his arm and partially on his chest.

[8ttached]

Nsfw of fontaine completely shutting down reader if she tried to get sassy with him keeps me up at night 😓😓 also ur fics are so good wtf im glad i stumbled on ur account

The way i was writing this around the time you sent this anon omg 

(ALSO FIRST ANON OMG??? AND THANK YOU YOU'RE SO SWEETTT!!)

Sassy fontaine (pt 2? ( reader is the one being sassy))

Fontaine ! sassy blk woman 

Warnings: smut (18+)

Author note: This is my first (I'm lying second) time actually writing a full-blown smut omg I was literally giggling writing this but I hope yall enjoy this and don't think its cringy LOLL (also this isnt proof read sorryyyy)

Word count: 877

You were irritated that day, pissed off even. Everything wasnt going the way you wanted and the last thing you needed was a nigga in your ear, fontaine. 

You were huffing and puffing around the apartment and ended up bumping into Fontaine but you were so pissed you didn't apologize in fact, you didnt say shit. “damn, excuse me” fontaine says, only for you to continue on your bs. Fontaine frowns his eyebrows noticing you mumbling around the house and aggressively doing house chores. “What's going on wit’chu?” fontaine questions which only annoyed you more. “Nun” you give him the cold shoulder. “Whatchu mean nun, There sum clearly wrong wit’chu if you bump into me that hard.” he says, tilting his head. “I mean nun ‘taine, i got shit to do, and id appretiate it if you weren't on my ass about sum as lil as that.” you remarked. You walked away with the large bin full of clothes only for fontaine to walk in front of you. “What nigga” you shrug your shoulders, irritated at the fact that Fontaine was stopping you from doing the shit you had to do. He smacks his lips “whats up with you today bruh.” he looks you up and down. 

“Nun now move-”

“I aint moving till you tell me whats up.”

“You better move fontaine i aint playin”

“Fix your attitude”

“Fuck you, who do you think you is, you aint nobody” “I said fix your fucking attitude.” he says, now face to face with you

“Or what nigga.”

Were the last words you said before your throat got stuffed with your boyfirends dick. 

“Uh huh, just like that.” You notice fontaine looking down at you, his grills shining as he slightly smiles at you and his pre cum n’ spit dripping down to your tits. “Talking all’dat shit when all yo ass needed was my dick is your mouth” you wanted to slap the shit outta him but the way he was fucking your mouth felt too good to care. “There ya go, pretty bitch” he bites his lips attempting to hold his groans at the sight of you looking up at him and stroking his dick.

 “Okay c’mere” he whispers, grabbing your throat and kissing you. You and fontaine kissed all the way till he pushed you onto the bed. “Spread ‘em legs fa'me ma” he mumbles and eagerly, you did. In no time fontaine impatiently did his work causing you to give out a heavy sigh.  

‘Fontaine...” you moaned out. Fontaine worked his tongue all over you like a starved man. His low-lidded eyes were addicted to the view of you losing your mind. He mumbles something to you but you can’t understand what he’s saying, you’re too caught up in the pleasure. Soon you were unconsciously griping his free forms while yelling his name. “Mhm lemme’know how good im making yo’pussy feel” Fontaine mumbles as he grips your thighs to your chest. “ ‘taine im cuming” you choked out which made him laugh against your thighs as you lost your mind

“Uh huh now sprea ‘dem legs” 

Fontaine was now kneeling in front of you taking his time as he took his shirt off. The sight alone could make you cum untouched. Before you could say anything Fontaine began to assault your neck leaving hickeys, bite marks, and drool all over your neck and collarbone. “Taine please, I need you” you beg. The teasing was making you needy and wetter. “Oh now you wanna open your mouth” he sighs. He slaps his dick on your clit which made you whimper and whine for something more, anything. “You gone have to open ya mouth if you want sum like you should have done earlier.” he says looking in your eye, waiting for you to tell him what you want. “Taine, i want you please” you sigh out. “ ‘m right here ma.” he examines your body and how needier and impatient you get. “I need you dick Fontaine please!” and how could he say no to that?

And after your 2 orgasms rushed over you, it was getting too much. 

“Taine, i cant-”

 “yeah you can”

The pleasure hurt so good, you bit your lip attempting to hold back your noise but Fontaine noticed, gripping your face, making sure you felt every single deep, hard stroke. “c’on ma, what happened to that mouth of yours?” all you could do what whimper as another orgasm was coming. “All you gotta do is lemme know what you need baby, yknow i got you ma.” his reassurance following him roughly rubbing your clit made you arch for more. “yeah , yknow what to do” he bites his lips, his shiny gold grills glistening. You grip his arm as your orgasm erupts. “Oh fuckk” was the last thing you said before you saw stars and heard Fontaine groans as he came on your stomach. 

“You ight?” he chuckles. “Mhm” you sigh. “rest, imma finish up everything” he kisses your forehead as he covers you with a blanket. “You sure taine? I can finish after i take this breather” he lightly smiles. “Yeah ma, just know yo ass gonna tell me what had you all antsy n shit.” Fontaine says as he walks out of the room. 

[nalyra-dreaming]

I'm sorry but I can't believe sex in ep6 even topic of discussion.

1)Why would they go to such lengths and spend their time and resources on making floaty sex, if it didn't mean anything and didn't serve any purpose? What purpose did it serve? Well, the first and last time we also saw floaty sex in ep1 and it was clear representation of connection and pleasure that sends you flying to Saturn and back. So, logically, ep6 sex too supposed to show connection and pleasure.

2) Next point (i'm not sure about this one tbh): perhaps there's one more parallel to ep1 scene - Louis "didn't consider himself a homosexual at that time" and we see cut to him having enthusiastic sex. In ep6 he was telling Daniel about being numb and we have cut to him PARTICIPATING in sex and not just lying there like a corpse.

3) They literally included Lestat stopping and checking on Louis and not doing anything before Louis kissed him. He noticed that Louis wasn't mentally there and stopped. Clear indication that Lestat wanted CONSENSUAL sex, if he truly didn't care he would just proceed to fuck Louis because Louis wasn't stopping him.

4) Give Louis a little agency, would you?(general you, not you, Nalyra) As I said, we didn't have any indication that Louis wad pressured into it, that lestat didn't care about Louis' consent and pleasure. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean you're incapable of making decisions. Louis' kiss was him reassuring lestat that he's here with him. He KNEW that lestat needed reassurance to proceed. Lestat can't read Louis' mind, he can't be 100% if Louis wants it or not, so he has to rely on what Louis TELLS him with words and body language. Louis told lestat with his actions that he wants him to proceed. That's Louis' decision, like it or not

5) I know fandom likes to act like Claudia is mentally 14 forever, but for majority of story she's grown woman. I'm actually not sure if she truly thinks Louis wouldn't mind her being in his head while they're having sex or she's actively disregarding his boundaries (that he didn't establish) but there's fact: it's weird. Maybe she thinks she's helping Louis to "cope" with sex because she's projecting her trauma with Bruce on Loustat (which is understandable!) but for me Louis' sounds uncomfortable, and resigned, half-heartedly trying to deflect Claudia. "Anywhere sounds like nowhere" - for me it was clear that he doesn't really want to leave and doesn't want to have this conversation but he fails to say it outright and shut down Claudia. So he just makes up excuses not to leave, avoids telling NO, and blocks his mind when Lestat notices that something is wrong.

So, my point, that cut from Bruce to Lestat was Claudia's mind coming to comparison. She thinks Louis does it to appease lestat, she's probably tries to help telling Louis about her escape plan, she views Louis' reluctants as fear of Lestat and that's it, when probably main reason is Louis simply not wanting to leave.

I'm so sorry for long essay, hope you don't mind! Love your work and blog:)

:) Glad you like.

And yeah... I cannot believe we're at this point again/still either.

Exactly. This is a deliberate thing, a deliberate connection to the best sex Louis had. As said before, it carries meaning.

Well, I mean, there are a lot more instances of Louis saying something and the show showing us something else. Or vice versa. That is... exactly the point. Louis is telling the tale for an effect. And that effect was to lead to the justified "murder night". But the why will be part of season 2.

I know

Louis is (not just) depressed because of Lestat. He is deep in the rite of passage. He addresses that on the bench. And yeah.. for some reason Louis' never gets his agency in these discussions. Because he could have moved away. He could have left. But he did not want to. He stayed right there, in Rue Royale during those 6 years (for example). Where Lestat could find him. But I digress. Louis does have agency, indeed. And it is often dismissed for some reason -.-

Claudia's thinking is very black and white, pun not intended. It's stark contrast. She hates and loves with the full power of puberty, at all times, no matter her mental age. Her hatred for Lestat colors her perception of Louis' love for him - she just cannot imagine Louis loving him. Oh she understands it. But to her Lestat is like Bruce, the worst of the worst, and she cannot fathom that there are actually vampires out there... who are much, much worse. That is part of the horror, that she just cannot... imagine, because ultimately Lestat and Louis raised her as a child and then a loved family member - not as a coven member. She has no point of reference, unfortunately. And no, Louis neither wants to have that conversation (but he is too nice to shut it down), nor does he want to leave. And that just... flies right over her head.

Neither Claudia nor Louis actually fear Lestat, and definitely not even after the fight. The car scene made that quite clear, imho.

Oh, they are angry at him, and justified in that anger. But fear? Nope.

[xxchromies]

Female loneliness

Gonna be honest, I empathize with that 22 year old dude who killed himself because he didn't have a girlfriend. The post didn't say anything about him being an incel or him blaming women for not dating him. He was just sad about it, and that probably wasn't the only reason he killed himself anyway.

I empathize with all that because in many ways I am the female version of that. I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship or held anyone's hand or anything. Literally nothing. And I constantly post on here about how men are awful and their attraction to you means literally nothing. And all that's true. But I do still seek validation from them. I want to know that I'm lovable. I want to be attractive to men and I want one to fall in love with me. It's just such an interesting place to be in. Whenever I see radfems mock men who are simply upset about not having a girlfriend (and not being weird about it), I get a strange feeling. Because they are laughing at my situation, even though it's happening to someone else. But a lot of lonely men wouldn't extend their sympathies to me, many of them would probably think I'm lying. After all, women have it on "easy mode." But I don't live in this made-up world they've created. The situation of a lonely woman is very much like the situation of a lonely man.

Of course, I would never in a million years rape or kill men because they're not attracted to me. I don't resent them for it. If anything, I turn my sad feelings inward, I blame myself for not being good enough. But at least I don't do this as much as I used to. In high school I lost my mind over a porn-addicted dude not reciprocating my feelings. I honestly do wonder if on some level my hatred of porn comes from that. From wanting to get back at him somehow. I have reason to believe he is now a TIM, isn't it ironic? I know on some level that I'm kind of attractive and some men are attracted to me. But I never had one fall in love with me and I want to know I'm worthy of love. I've become terrified of "taking a chance" and flirting with dudes I think are hot or whatever and that makes me feel so pathetic because I KNOW men are not worth all that.

On the bright side, I know how terrible men can be, and this has made me feel better about never having had a boyfriend. I've never come anywhere near being suicidal over never having had a boyfriend. But it does also kind of feel like cope, if I'm being honest. It's a lot easier to condemn the idea of a relationship with a man when you've had experience with one. I don't understand men and I don't know how to get close to one in that way. I hope people can be understanding of these thoughts, I'm embarrassed by them. People are complex.

[reasonsmandy]

Gold dust woman

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader

✧.* requested by @accidrainonme — if you made one based off of gold dust woman by fleetwood mac i’d go insane omg

✧.* summary — Eddie has been dealing with a lot lately, and after getting his heart broken he goes in search of the only person in the world who brings him peace: you.

✧.* warnings — Heartbroken Eddie :(((

✧.* word count — 1.5k

✧.* 🎸 — Eddie's masterlist

✧.* mandy's notes — I tried a lot to do something faithful to the music, I don't know if I succeeded but I really liked the result. Hope you like it too :)

Eddie had been through the hardest week of his life, Billy as always was being the biggest asshole in the world and the fact that he didn't solve things with Camila only made everything worse. The bassist had been in love with her for many years and that day seeing her so wonderful, looking stunning next to someone like Billy had made everything worse.

After a show they were all celebrating in Daisy's room, Warren looked super excited singing the song in the background, Graham was having fun talking to another group of people, and Karen was dancing with Daisy.

Roundtree couldn't stop thinking about the frustration he felt seeing the woman he loved next to the person he hated the most, he didn't understand how someone like Billy had everything he wanted.

And now he found himself isolated from the others, sitting in a chair while trying to hold back his tears. The conversation he had with Camila earlier tore his heart apart, all he wanted was to show her that he could make her happier, but that wasn't what she wanted so there wasn't much he could do, despite watching her from afar.

Watching her dance with him made him want to throw chlorine in his eyes, and when he couldn't take it anymore he decided to leave that place. He gets up still with the same beer in hand, going down the stairs with the intention of walking aimlessly around, he didn't know why everything cooperated for him to feel so insignificant, he started little by little to believe in all that.

The bassist took a sip from his bottle as he walked down the dimly lit street, and while he wandered in his thoughts, he remembered that a few blocks away you would probably be lying on your couch watching some random show. So, thinking of relieving his mind of all the chaos that surrounded it, he starts walking towards your apartment.

On the other hand you were having an extremely generic night, nothing new had happened in the last few hours so you decided to spend the rest of your time doing a movie night. You were ready to prepare some snacks and lie down in front of the television so as not to get up until the next day. As soon as everything is ready you sit on the couch and almost automatically your doorbell rings, you arch an eyebrow and bring your gaze to the clock... You sure as hell weren't expecting anyone at ten o'clock at night.

Leaving your bowl of snacks on the sofa, you head towards the door, opening it to find a crestfallen Eddie. You were immediately concerned, you had known Eddie for a few years and you knew that lately things weren't great for him - which broke your heart - You cared a lot about him and knew he didn't deserve what life did to him.

"Eddie love, what happened?" You say holding his hand, and pulling him inside the apartment.

"I'm exhausted Y/N" he says, bringing his hands to his face in frustration. "I can't understand how he gets everything he wants! He is literally the most selfish person in the world and nobody seems to notice it."

"What happened?" You say, hugging him.

"Cami, she…" He can't hold it anymore, he starts to cry. "Am I that insignificant? She discarded me like I was nothing"

"Of course not Eddie" You say, wiping the tears from his face. "You deserve so much more, and if these people don't recognize that, they're crazy."

"I can't understand" He looked very exhausted, you knew how much he charged himself for all this and you couldn't stand to see him in that situation.

"Maybe you need a change..." You say, catching the man's attention. "This whole environment, even though dear to you, is not good for you, my love."

"I can't just…" he starts to say, but the urge to cry invades him again. "I can't just leave them"

"I know it's hard, but it doesn't mean it'll be forever." You say calmly, patiently waiting for him to calm down. "You don't have to disappear from their lives, you just have to respect your time. You must understand that you have the right to be upset about all this, you have feelings too…"

He remains silent, so you decide to continue.

"I see that it hurts you so much, and yet you keep trying to give it all a chance." You approach him, holding his hands. "I understand your love for them and that it can be really hard to let go of something so important, but it's costing you your happiness."

"I won't make it without them" He looks at you with puffy eyes, being honest with everything he kept to himself. "I'm nothing without them, I feel like everything I ever thought I was good at was a grand illusion."

He closes his eyes, letting a few more tears fall.

"I thought when she gave me that chance that night, for once things were going to work out."

Roundtree watches you intently, as if he wants to believe your words more than anything else. Seeing him in that situation broke your heart, even more so when you knew you could love him the way she couldn't. Eddie had become an extremely special person to you throughout your friendship, you have never stopped talking since he arrived in LA and from the beginning you knew what a great talent that man had, and how music was his passion.

When he called you telling you that Billy had changed every moment of him on the album you couldn't believe it, you couldn't understand how someone could be so selfish. You called him to your apartment so he could stay away from Billy during his time off until the tour started, and that's what he did.

Eddie and you spent that time sharing your apartment, most days you watched movies, danced to the records you had, cooked whatever junk food you wanted, and some days you even invited Warren to spend time with you. That time brought you much closer together, and it also contributed to increasing the passion you felt for him.

Talking about talent for you was like talking about him, it was impossible to imagine someone more talented and passionate than Eddie Roundtree, you always knew how dedicated he is to his work, and the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about it was priceless. And that's exactly how you wanted to see him, you wanted him to link his work, his music with that passion and joy that he conveyed. But over time, all those frustrations made that sparkle in his eyes disappear, he didn't talk with joy about it, he wasn't proud of himself anymore.

You knew about his love for Camila, and you also knew about the affair they had that day. You knew very well that she was very special to him, after all, they basically grew up together and he nurtured that love for her for years. He still hadn't told you what she said to make him like this, but you were sure she had broken his heart. It was really hard for him to open up to someone like he did to you, he hated looking vulnerable anyway, so you were kind of speechless when he started crying before he even spoke.

"You know I consider you the most talented person on earth, right?" You smile, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. "I don't know what she told you, but you need to know that you are so much more than a replacement…"

"I wanted so much to believe in you" Frustrated he replies, letting out a sigh. "I love her, Y/N"

"I know my love" Your heart clenched as you saw his eyes fill with tears once more. "But do you understand that love doesn't have to hurt like that?"

He looks at you, silently waiting for you to continue.

"Eddie, love has to be something that makes you feel fulfilled, happy, that doesn't cause you any frustration or anguish." Your hands hold his lovingly, and your eyes go down to your intertwined fingers. "You know you can count on me, right?"

"I don't know what I would be without you" He says letting out a sigh, letting go of your hands he lays on your lap. "I'm so broken, why would you want to deal with me?"

"I'm always here to help you to pick up your pieces" You reply, ruffling his hair. "You can always come home, my home is yours my love."

"Home is wherever you are" He mutters, closing his weary eyes from crying. "Thanks for so much, really"

"Don't mention it" You whisper, noticing his body relaxes under your touch.

Eddie Roundtree: I don't have words to describe how important she is to me, but I can assure you that after that day she completely changed the meaning of love for me.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo

Want to be tagged when new stories come out? REASONSMANDY'S TAG LIST

[silverview]

I love your tlw thoughts sm!! :D

I'm on like my sixth rewatch currently and I've been curious about how Chas seems to handle the "Mick" situation and I was wondering if you had any thoughts on that in particular?

aahh thank you so much!! ❤️❤️ that's such a good question! i will say as much as i have to say about it (very incoherent i'm afraid) + then would be VERY curious to hear your thoughts on the matter as well

it makes sense to me that chas doesn't react to the mick thing straight away. well, he tries to deny/avoid it, appropriately enough. he internalises the stress of it to avoid making it joe's problem. not necessarily the right or smart thing to do, but i genuinely think he is trying to be kind & generous by trying to ignore it. when he finally brings it up, it's reluctant – apologetic, even. he only mentions it because he can't help it anymore. i think he dislikes being (or seeing himself as) the sort of person who always has to say what he's thinking. and he feels bad for bringing down the weekend.

so, focusing specifically on the confrontation scene, as it turns out i have a lot of feelings about that (i mean how could i not, it's such a good scene). it's serving an important purpose wrt chas's characterisation and, because it's a very well-written episode, it's all in service of making the final twist more painful

firstly: "i don't mind. it's just that we normally tell each other when we're flirting with someone, and we laugh about it." just to make sure you know it's not the texting someone else that bothers him, it's the possibility that joe could be keeping a secret from him. because oh how very OPEN and TRUTHFUL they usually are with each other! how they always tell each other everything!

secondly, when he finally works up the courage to confront joe about it, he is .... i want to say gentle about it. he's not angry, he doesn't even speak loud enough for joe to hear him. he's sad, vulnerable, apologetic & clearly ready to forgive; all he wants is the truth. he confesses his own kiss with another guy, even though he could easily have gotten away with not saying anything, which i think is particularly significant for once again underlining the value he's placing on honesty & openness. and he instantly accepts the explanation joe gives him with no evidence. } all of which to say:

essentially what we're seeing here is chas reaching a character development apex. literally in that confrontation scene i think we see the culmination of his personal journey over the past nine (or eighteen, or forty-eight) years, where he has finally become the sort of person who will handle this situation in this specific way. (draw a parallel with reaching the penultimate/"depression" stage of grief, where it falls in the episode.) in a different context, it might be something to celebrate. on the positive side, he is no longer the angry person he was 18 years ago! he no longer lashes out! he has learned compassion and is willing to take responsibility for his own mistakes! and to look at it through a darker lens: joe has finally finished manipulating him into the perfect victim! narratively this scene is the end of the road for chas, there's nowhere else he has left to go except his finale

when he finds out mick is a woman, he says: "i've never been so happy." :) that's how you know the end is nigh of course. the betrayal isn't brutal enough unless it comes at the exact moment of maximum contentment, trust, and love. essentially the whole mick ordeal is there to test his trust in joe, to make sure it's finally 1000% solid and ready to be exploded

– by that i mean the script put it there to test him as a narrative device, but i suspect it was also an in-universe test/game. you're telling me joe has maintained this elaborate deception for years, and now suddenly he's leaving his phone lying around? he was doing it on purpose, to set chas up for the "worry -> relief & Peak Happiness -> ultimate betrayal" pipeline. absolute mad lad. someone capable of that has got to be INCREDIBLE in bed. makes you wonder what other little games he set up to torment chas over the years

[vorpalfae]

You’re gross for harassing a pregnant woman. And that’s exactly what you’re doing too..fucking harassment. Why do you care so much about what a stranger is posting that you have to constantly sub tweet them? You know..you would think what happened with the whole Allie situation would have made you wanna get your act together but I guess not. You’re sick. I would be absolutely ashamed for acting this way and then pretending to be the world’s biggest victim.

i haven't harassed or subtweeted anyone. i literally never post about anyone and if i had said anything about anyone lately it would be about my "family" because i was recently accused of lying about being sexually abused by another family member when i was a child by one of my aunts and others who took her side. i've been ridiculed for it publicly too so i've been venting here and there about it because its painful to re-live my childhood trauma as an adult. but nothing i post is aimed toward or about strangers.

i would never harass anyone. and i would never harass someone who is pregnant. i would never intentionally do something that could cause harm to an innocent child, regardless of the situation. and its crazy u sit here and type this because that same person harassed me the ENTIRE time i was pregnant with my son carter, which i have plenty of proof of because it was so stressful for me i almost decided to press charges.

in order for you to even see what i'm posting you have to be looking at my page, and clearly you're the one who "cares about what a stranger is posting" or you wouldn't be trying to start drama with me right now.

i don't do anything other than mind my own business and post about my own life, feelings, or interests online. and i'm really fed up with ppl attacking me when i've done nothing to deserve it. please stop sending me anons and looking at my pages because im sure you are probably the same girl writing about yourself or someone else i have blocked.

im not pretending to be a victim of anything. you're the one contacting me when i've asked to be left alone on numerous occasions. if i have an issue with someone i will either try to resolve it with them directly or block them altogether if it can't be resolved to avoid drama.

what i post on my own page is my business, and unless i say otherwise, its not about anyone i don't know personally. now please stop sending me stuff like this.

have the day you deserve 💜

[aleksanderscult]

People accuse the Darkling of...

⚠️TW!: Genocide, sexual assault and abuse⚠️

People accuse the Darkling of lacking empathy.

Well that's what immortality does to you, my friend. The human brain is not designed for this kind of thing. It's miraculous that he wasn't insane by the start of "Shadow and Bone".

He also willingly stopped feeling emotions because they distracted him from his goal.

Furthermore, he was raised by a mother that kept telling him to never believe in love and always tried to isolate him from people he could bond with.

And I don't think you call someone "unfeeling" when he seems concerned about what will happen to Ravka and the Grisha or when you remember his reaction to his mother's fall or when he saw the woman he loved lose her entire soul, her very being right in front of him. The man could feel. But his emotions were buried deep within.

People accuse the Darkling of being a murderer.

Yes, he was, I agree.

But so was Alina, so was Mal, so was Nikolai. Everybody killed people.

"But Nikolai didn't kill out of evilness"

Neither did the Darkling. He didn't do it because he enjoyed it, he wasn't a sadist. He killed because he was fighting a war. At times of peace (if there was any in Ravka) he didn't go around shooting people out of boredom.

People accuse the Darkling of lying to Alina.

He lied to Alina because she was a new and, apparently, naïve person that he couldn't just trust from day one. He was the leader of an army that was already in danger of being hunted down if the King changed his mind. Why should he trust her? Why should he tell her his secrets? Is she his lieutenant? Is she part of the royal council? No, I don't think so.

"He lied to her about who he is!"

Isn't that the same lie he was telling to literally everyone for 400 years? You say it like he did it because he had something personal against her. It really shows how clueless all of you are for the matters of politics and ruling. Read a book ffs.

People accuse the Darkling of committing genocide.

He didn't. He was actually a victim of one.

I can't believe this accusation even exists

People accuse the Darkling of being a sexually creep towards Alina.

Aside from the fact that neither I nor the author herself consider him as one, are we talking about those moments where they already were enemies? Do you know what an "enemies-to-lovers" trope is? Do you know that in this kind of trope attraction and aversion are the primary ingredients?

Or the fact that, in the Grishaverse, the very rules of consent are different. How can you or anyone put modern laws into a fantastical universe where people with magical powers exist and things are run differently? Each universe has its own setting, structure and rules. Why are you putting your contemporary ideals and ethics there? What are they even doing there in the first place?

People accuse the Darkling of being manipulative towards Alina.

If you accuse him as such, could you please DM me the passages from the book where he did that? Because even I can't find them.

And I'm talking about before his big reveal as the "villain". Because after that, those moments are again taken as the actions of an enemies-to-lovers trope.

But where he was manipulative before that?

Good luck trying to figure out the impossibly ambiguous scenes where Leigh tried to paint him as one in S&B and failed.

People accuse the Darkling of being power-hungry

I agree, he sought power. But as far as we know he never wanted power exclusively for himself. In RoW it was revealed that even the Fold was the result of him trying to stop the wars:

Wars ended and began again—and again and again. Grisha were not accepted; they were resented in Ravka and hunted abroad. Men fought them with swords, then guns, then worse. There was no end to it, and so he had sought an end. Power that could not be questioned. Might that could not be reckoned with. The result had been the Fold.

The amplifiers? To control the Fold and stop the wars.

The nichevo'ya? Used them to lower the losses of his army.

The throne? Unlike his predecessor, he seemed to be involved in paperwork, listening to his advisors, feeding his army and trying to deal with all the deserters from that army.

"You try to defend him and his actions!!"

Actually we're trying to protect him from your stupidity and inability to read between the lines and past the narrative. And the Darkling has become totally evil in the eyes of this fandom because:

A) the narrative really did him dirty. Always talking about his atrocities and villainous actions.

B) the fandom is really clueless and stupid about the ways of leadership and ruling and I will die on this hill. You have NO idea how treason must be handled, or political intrigues are working and it shows from the very first second you open your mouth. "The Darkling scarred Genya!" Welcome to the world of "treason is met with consequences". "The Darkling lied to Alina!" Welcome to the world of politics.

Also, it's the double standards that kill us. You forgive Kaz for killing people for money but spit on the Darkling for doing it for a selfless purpose. You love Nikolai for trying to usurp the throne, but hate the Darkling for doing the same when he did it to bring a change to Ravka.

The Darkling was an anti-villain. Anti-villains are characters with a noble, sympathetic goal but the means to achieve it is through violence. And these characters are meant to stir sympathy towards the reader and are, almost always, tragic characters.

Now whether someone forgives his actions or excuse his character is always up to the reader.

But let's not pretend like the heroes did better. Or the fact that you probably wanted him to act like a forgiving, kind-hearted fairy godmother after one thousand years full of shit to the point that he broke, said enough and stood up against the violence and atrocities his people were suffering from. He decided to fight fire with fire and I find that understandable, just like the majority of his supporters in this fandom.

[fatalitysficbakery]

𓆰♥︎𓆪 What We Could’ve Had. (Ep. 1)

— Ellie Williams x Riley Abel

genre: angst/fluff/smut-TY.

warnings: rewriting endings.

synopsis: what happens if riley hadn’t died? what life would she and ellie have lived?

↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery navigation menu 𓆪.

↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery multifandomed &&�� oc menu #2 𓆪.

❦ ⌫ ❦

"Easy girl," I call to my mare when we bound a particularly icy corner, finally eye to eye with something more than miles of snowy forest, the chill hadn't set in until we'd arrived, chalk it up to the adrenaline of having to help make sure myself, two horses, and a grown man are safe from the hordes of infected searching for their next meals. It had been a long road to get here. Figuratively, and literally.

Jackson City.

I never thought I'd see the day, a town lively with families, survivors that escaped the carnage, children, for fucks sake. It almost seemed normal, can't remember the last time I felt normalcy like this, and for a moment, though it was rightful on their part, I wasn't hopeful I ever would.

He had to pull a lot of strings to get me here, Joel. Talked and pleaded for almost 3 months on my behalf, meanwhile, I was stuck holed up in an old warehouse that had begun...decaying. Mold, leaks, holes...If Joel hadn't managed to put in a good word, I don't know where I'd be. When you're an adventure-seeking kid, fighting 'zombies' in an apocalypse sounds exciting, and exhilarating, you fantasize about how you'll save the world, kick infected ass, and most importantly — Be one of the chosen ones to survive. Because of your 'strength', your 'resilience'. I was that and then some, and it had unfortunately burnt bridges I never even got to build.

So, I waited. I waited with bated breathing until the day Joel came back with two horses, food, and supplies for the long road home.

Home. I hadn't had one of those in a while. Not since her anyway.

Hopping down from Lainey's back, I leave her to be taken to the stables. Everyone seemed to have their own tasks, it was a well-oiled engine, you could say. Before I even knew it I was being led down the street, and the question I had on my tongue was as predictable as ever, I could tell by the way the man who never smiled broke character to chuckle at it.

"How is she?"

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

"Ellie? Well, she's Ellie. Stubborn as a mule but damn good at any job thrown her way. Ellie...She's...good."

It wasn't long before that familiar brooding solemn Joel returned to my vision, I could tell something was heavy on his mind, and before I knew it I was chewing on my bottom lip with the guiltiest feeling baring on my soul, knowing I was probably to blame for how strained their relationship seemed to be now. I couldn't help it, really, the man looked like a kicked puppy, I had to say something.

I clear my throat and begin an apology that was long overdue on my part. "Hey Joel, I'm uh, I'm so-"

He stopped me with a raise of his hand, shaking his head before letting out a sigh so filled with regret you could hear behind it. "The fault was and is all mine for lying to her in the first place, darlin'. You ain't done a thing but care about Ellie since y'all have known one another, and truthfully...that's all I ask for. She deserves that much."

My mouth went drier than the damned Sahara at his words, but I couldn't get another one of my own in before he was walking ahead of me, forcing me into a power walk so that I could keep up. He eyes me from his peripheral, and a brief moment passes before his arm wraps around my shoulder, it's a fatherly type of presence that I had learned to revel in since I'd gotten closer to Joel. "Welcome home, kid. Let's get you outta this snow, and show you where you'll be sleeping."

He whistles, and calls someone over, a woman, long brunette locks, tan ivory skin, around my height but a little taller comes striding over to us, pretty, looks kind. Joel calls her Dina as he introduces us, her hand held out to shake mine. "Dina, this is Riley, the newest of us. Can you show her to her room? Me and Jesse are heading out to patrol before it gets too dark out here."

Dina nods eagerly enough that it makes me feel less nervous and a little more welcome. "Not a problem, where's she headed?"

"Cabin. By me and Ellie's place."

"Gotcha. C'mon, Ri. We got it from here, right? I think so. It's nice to meet you, by the way. Welcome to our little sanctuary."

She and I were already walking away from Joel and I'd barely even noticed, my heart thundering in my ears, repeating Joel's words over and over like a broken record in my head; I miss almost every word she speaks aside from the last bit, muttering my own 'Nice to meet you too, thank you' back at her, my heart pounding in my chest thrice as quickly as it should.

'Cabin. By me and Ellie's place.'

Jesus, be a fence.

6:00 am, Friday. I remember the first time I saw someone turn into an infected before my own eyes, at first it was like any old common cold, we kept the wound clean but it got bad, horrible really fast. The 'adults' wanted me out while it happened, though I knew what the outcome would be; I'd seen the slaughter and participated in it firsthand just trying to survive, but this was different. — I peeked around the corner after I had been kicked out, a crack in the door my only view into the room, and it was there I saw it go from bad to worse. It had only been around 8 minutes when his symptoms went from common cold to something much more painful, I had never heard such bone-chilling agonized screaming before, his body writhed and twisted, but not in the traditional horror movie sense, no, he looked as if he wanted to get comfortable, ease the pain any way he could but he couldn't. It'd stayed that way for around 4 minutes and then... Silence. Complete. 3 more minutes. It was still like the moment had been frozen in time. You could hear a pin drop. A low growling hum broke the silence. A resounding gunshot joined its cause shortly thereafter. I saw his eyes before they closed for the final time, and if I hadn't known any better, I would've thought he'd seen me too the way they appeared to look directly my way. Grey, nearly dead, but filled with what looked like relief. He seemed almost...thankful. 15 minutes. I counted every minute from the clock in the room to the watch on my wrist, I'd counted. He’d been a normal guy. One that had come and gone in only 15 minutes. And he wasn't the only one, soon it was widely known how fast it took and I was used to counting down every. little. minute. ↳ When did 15 minutes become so long? My hand shook pointing the gun at her, I couldn't do it, man. I wouldn't. I won't. Ellie and I've been holed up in this old abandoned mall for 4 hours now, it wasn't supposed to be this long a trip but we got sidetracked by the wonders of the mall that I'd been wanting to show her since I found it, only, I'd hurt her. I knew I did, she was pissed when I snuck up on her after not checking in in so damn long. I couldn't leave without a goodbye. As I look over at her sleeping figure, I find myself more confused. The last 4 hours were fun, or at least, the first two were. We explored, found stupid scare masks to put on, made our own fun, and finally, we got to play video games, just like the magic skull had told Ellie we wouldn't be able to. The smile on her face had made everything worthwhile. A fairytale in an apocalypse. ...I guess the apocalypse didn't like that all too much. Fun. Romance. It was already too late when the stalker had pounced on Ellie, I emptied my clip into the damned thing and it still got one final bite in. Ellie didn't utter a word about dying, or turning. She seemed disconnected after it happened, her own pistol pointed at her head, she waited for a shot that wouldn't come. I couldn't do it. I pleaded with her. Give me those last 15 minutes. She'd silently nodded. That was two hours ago.

"Well, this is it. I was wondering why Joel seemed so hellbent on getting this place cleaned up. We haven't happened upon any other survivors in months. You must be pretty special, the people around here aren't too...trusting." Dina chattered on as we entered the small one-bedroom cabin that'd be my living space. I had my own living space. It wasn't big, no upstairs, just right for a person living by themselves. I couldn't bite back my grin, a real-life home, no mold, no cracks or leaks, there's a space heater in the corner, I must've looked like a dream-struck idiot because Dina spoke up again.

"Where were you before this? If I may."

"Cold ass warehouse."

I hear her snort a little, leaned up against the opened front door. I was expecting another comment, more small talk that felt like it'd been running on for hours.

Instead, I'm not met with the new sound of Dina's voice, my ears are met with a familiar voice, one I could remember just by the sound of her breathing. When presented with the option of fight, flight, or freeze, I was always more privy to picking either of the former but today, my body seized, a rare freeze.

8:30 am, Sunday. I don't know if I made the right decision. After Ellie survived the bite and continued to survive the bite, I made an impulsive decision a week later. Told Marlene about what had happened, and that's why we're here in this car. El's head in my lap, asleep soundly while riding to Firefly headquarters with Joel to possibly find a cure to end this thing. At least that's how Marlene explained it. She told me they'd run some tests, learn what makes Ellie immune, and see if they could replicate it, turn it into an antivirus. I wanted to stay hopeful; She was. And she'd been the one attacked. Ellie's selfless like that, she always has been, and it amazed me usually. Right now...It fucking terrified me. In the pit of my stomach, I felt dread. In the pit of my stomach, I felt dread, horror, and concern while going to a place where I had desperately wanted to be only three weeks before. ↳ We had to pull over. The anxiety got so bad Ellie had to hold my hair while I vomited on the side of the road, Joel stood protectively near us with a shotgun in his hand and though neither party complained, I had enough shame and embarrassment for all three of us. The nausea is still here. So is the anxiety.

"Di, you left some clothes at mi-" My heart, I was sure, had dropped to my ass when I laid eyes on her, it was almost surreal. There she was. Ellie Williams in the flesh stood in front of my very eyes, it was like those dramatic romcoms where the two main characters lay eyes on one another for the first time, cheesy music playing behind them and the wind mysteriously blowing in their hair dramatically.

Reality was far less compelling, maybe even disappointing. Her eyes didn't move from mine, gaze unwavering and I wish I could say I held her gaze, that I was a stronger woman, but the person in front of me; Her effect was strong, my heart pounding in my chest, thudding loudly in my ears.

She was still the same Ellie I once knew, her features familiar but older, voice a little lower and filled with a light rasp and a newfound maturity. She was beautiful, but she always had been. — I'm transported into the past, remembering how many times I spent staring at and just...admiring her.

I watch her feet when she shuffles over to Dina, butterflies in my stomach and chest tight. I know I have zero right to be jealous and zero claim on Ellie anymore, hell I barely even know her now but fuck did it still hurt seeing that damned black bra sitting atop the pile of clothes she handed back to Dina, the implications behind it rather clear.

I don't know why I didn't allow myself to speak first, my tongue darting out to lick my dried chapped lips; I couldn't feel any more excited than the moment she took the option from me, she turned to me, that all too familiar half grin on her face. "Riley..."

"You two...know each other?"

My gaze drags itself back over to her and Dina. I only manage a weak nod. Ellie's own eyes hadn't left me, and it fills me with a hope I don't believe I deserve to have. I'm not able to muster even the smallest reply. My chest feels so tight that I have to remind myself I'm not dying, though it feels like a heart attack waiting to happen when I'm standing in front of her. Funny that, an entire apocalypse happening before our very eyes and the thing most likely to end my life were the eyes of the ex-girlfriend I let slip through my grasp. Oh, this cursed blessing we call love and its bittersweet intricacies.

"Ellie?" Dina asks again. The look on her face and the desperation in her voice aren't dead on me. I could tell she'd probably put two and two together on her lonesome when both Ellie and I hadn't uttered a word, both of us looking like deers caught in headlights. She clears her throat, resigning her efforts to find out more, at least for now, that is.

"How did you find this place?" Ellie speaks up next, one of her fists clenched to her side, a tell I'd learned meant she was holding back her emotions. Fighting them with all her might. I didn't quite blame her.

I had a track record for surprising her, and not in ways I've ever been too proud of.

"Joel's been putting in a good word for me, i-it was never a sure thing because the locals wouldn't trust me. Took a good almost 3 months, but I'm here." I muster up the weakest breathy laugh I can, a stupid attempt at keeping things light, but I could tell by the look in her eyes...I'd hurt her again.

I knew why I didn't keep in touch, but it'd always look bad in her eyes, rightfully so. I was always running from something, or towards it. And in pursuit, I'd isolate myself. Abandon the ones who cared too much, who loved too hard. It was all so overwhelming when in hindsight...I didn't even love myself yet, and so I ran. I ran to convince myself I couldn't be loved, or maybe I ran because I'm scared to be loved. Either way, I've done a helluva lot of it. From my past, my present, hell even my damned future.

"So...You've been keeping in touch with Joel? Huh."

Marlene was someone I thought I could trust, I regarded her with the highest respect. She is, was, like a maternal figure to me, motherly and caring. She trained with me, helped me learn to hunt for food, and made sure I was fed and clothed. Hell, she'd have given me the clothes from her sooner than she'd let me go cold. All this being told to say,,, FUCK MARLENE, and FUCK FIREFLY. We're ending this tonight. Ellie deserves better than the world is giving to her, and I'm fucking determined to give it to her. I brought Marlene to her eagerly when I found out just how special I already knew she was, I've put in danger too many damn times for me to count. I'm making this better. Ellie, do you hear me? I'm making this fucking better!

I couldn't breathe, it felt like I was suffocating from thick tension in the cabin, two pairs of eyes on me and the most important set held a hint of betrayal in them, I couldn't hold on much longer but it wasn't me who gave in first. Ellie looks at me with so much conflict in those all too familiar eyes. She looks like she wants to say something, anything. After a while I see her gaze travel back to Dina and I feel a little sense of bittersweet relief.

She was slipping through the cracks of my fingers all over again.

"We should go help start on dinner for the kids, D."

There was something in Dina's gaze that told she picked up on the history. She was quiet, demure as opposed to the excitable social butterfly I'd met just moments before. She nods at Ellie's request, giving me only a quiet "Bye" with a limp-handed wave.

Ellie doesn't look back. I keep willing her to. I know she feels my stare burning through hers. 'Ellie, please' My eyes pleaded, and I could feel tears welling. My heart nearly stops the second she turns one last time. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. Her expression is unreadable, but that doesn't matter to me.

She looked back.

The carnage was bad. Marlene was just one of many Joel and I slaughtered that night. Would you not do the same for the girl you loved? I couldn't watch them kill her, and I got the sense Joel felt a fatherly love towards her now. He wasn't letting her go down without a fight either and that...That I don't regret. She's still alive. The aftermath is what keeps me up most nights. Ellie was suspicious from the get-go, Joel had fed her some lie about there being others like her, about raiders slaughtering the many in the Fireflies massacre. He told her a cure couldn't be replicated from her immunity, and I? I sat there numbly nodding along when all I wanted to do was blurt out the truth and deal with the consequences while this could still possibly be salvaged, and maybe that was delusional of me, but Joel could see I didn't have it me to keep this a secret from her...I could see the disappointment clouding his stare. When Ellie had finally had enough of the storytelling, he told her everything while I sat with my hands folded neatly in my lap and my head bowed cowardly, I wasn't able to look her in the eyes. I had never heard Ellie so angry the night she broke up with me. I deserved it...We deserved it.

"Ex?" Dina asks and I instantly wanna shut down. We were just getting into a rhythm, and though we weren't official? I still feel so damn guilty about the emotions Riley's presence brings me. A conflicting feeling of happiness, relief, a little bit of anger, and sadness? But there was one untapped emotion that was unlocking its cage at the mere sight of her. I choke it down and give Dina an honest answer because I at least owe her that.

"Mhmm. But we were kids. Nothing serious."

The understatement in my words made me wanna curl in on myself. How could I sit there and tell Dina she wasn't serious to me when she's been the only thing on my mind since before I even met Dina.

I feel sick.

"Nothing serious, Williams?" Dina arches a brow as if scanning me for any hint of a lie, and I cook up another one even with multiple on my tongue already. I stomach the acid that comes with swallowing my words. Hard truths.

"Yeah. Nothing serious. Why? Jealous?" Our shoulders knock, and I force myself to smile, I give myself this distraction because I'm not quite sure I'm ready to face the music. Eventually, I know it won't be an option but right now...

"That's cute, Williams. No, I'm not jealous but remind me to kick your ass with some snowballs later just for asking."

"Defensive. Must be some truth to it."

Dina sends a glare my way and that red blush dusts across her cheeks with a familiarity that both warms and breaks my heart immensely. She gives me the middle finger and I can't help but chuckle. "Again? Would be my pleasure."

She groans, but I can see that little hint of a smile appearing on her lips. One she can't control, and yet she tries hard to.

"Shove it."

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

"WHEW." Exhaustion was written on Riley's face, the midmorning frost can hardly keep her awake, nor the sound of hooves galloping through the snow. What does keep her awake comes in the form of the brunette on the horse in front of her.

Exes were something most regarded through black and white lenses, there were unwritten guidelines on how to deal with them and the most important always seemed to be to stay away from them. Protect your peace; Heal.

It was easier said than done when Ellie Williams was your ex. She had an effect on people that left a mark in their psyche so deep, she simply stayed there far past her welcome. Riley was aching, she was aching every day she was near her. The air was always thicker than a knife could cut it, so many words were left unsaid, and emotions were left with no closure.

Neither is ready to talk just yet. Neither are ready until the first rumble of thunder and lightning. The two stop their horses to look at back at one another with concern etched onto their features. Riley is the first to speak up.

"Should we go back?"

Ellie's eyes take Riley in and for a moment she's silent as if contemplating something before ultimately shaking her head. "Nah, I know a place not too far from here. We won't have time to go back. C'mon."

Without another word uttered between them, Riley trails behind her heart beating out of her chest at the thought of being alone with Ellie for God knows how long while the storm raged, this was something she'd been anxious about since the first day she was allowed duty.

↳

There were unwritten rules when dealing with exes and the most important was that you obviously don't associate with them let alone get back together with them, and maybe that was Ellie's problem. She had never been too fond of the rules. Her eyes were glued to Riley's back as they walked into the warehouse, a storm brewing too fast for them to dodge it and get back to town, Riley could feel her heart pounding at simply the thought of being stuck with Ellie during a snowstorm.

What would they do? Talk about? She was convinced Ellie wanted nothing to do with her and she couldn't start a conversation, not with guilt bearing on her heavier than it'd done the night she betrayed her.

She can't look her way.

"Y'know if we're gonna be stuck here, we might as well get used to it."

Ellie was the first to speak up and it'd shock Riley into silence if she'd been talking. She swallows, her palms feeling sweaty and eyes darting around the room to find something they can land on. She has to reply but she has no idea what to say.

"Yeah." is all she musters. Fucking yeah.

"That the best ya got? After all these years?"

Ellie doesn't know what she's doing or why she's doing it, she just knows Riley brings it out of her and she hates every last second of it, the way her heart desires forgiveness and reconciliation, even if her mind didn't. It was a pull she could never quite deny when it came to her.

Riley licks her lips, head nodding. She turns on her heels and their eyes meet for the first time since they'd reunited in a way that gave Riley hope in her time here. Their time here. "You wanna talk? Okay, let's talk."

↳

"We were so young back then. Naive. Stupid." She coughed, her lungs hadn't felt the burn of smoking weed in so long. She'd almost forgotten it existed until Ellie pulled a joint out of her boot; Her cough turns into a small laugh that's followed by Ellie's own. Her hand reaches over and she damn near flinches when it's rested on her arm. She can't help the way her eyes shift to the movement, Ellie's voice soft in her ears.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay."

The silence that befalls them is a tense comfort, their eyes never drifting and both with matching smiles on their lips.

"I missed you, Ri. You were suppoed to be here."

Riley's smile slowly faded with Ellie's words, looking elsewhere, she leans forward slightly, "I'm sorry I wasn't."

Before Ellie even knows it she's reaching out, tilting Riley's head back to her, lips without further warning pressing to hers, and for once in her life, she doesn't regret it.

It feels right. Ellie's hand tangles into her hair, tugging her as close as she could damn well get her as she attempts to put years of being apart, years of trauma and heartbreak into one lousy kiss.

Her hands roam, and it's not something just desperate. Something needy. She wants to memorize Riley all over again, and if she could simply confirm the reality of the situation as well, she absolutely would. She simply needed the confirmation.

Her fingers trail up her neck, eyes moving down to the woman who'd somehow ended up beneath her, chests heaving and lips connected by a thin line.

"Thank you for coming back."

A lazy smile rests upon her lips, her body filled with nervous energy, she wished to be cool, smooth, something that didn't come out as a shy muddled mess, yet the second her lips part...

"Can we...do that again?"

"Kiss?" A low chuckle rumbles through her chest, propped up on an elbow with her chest pressed against hers.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" Licking her lips, she brings Rylie closer, feeling the tension release from her joints, the stress of longing and unending denial. She'd always carried it with her like weight, something she couldn't shake.

For now, she feels light.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

Ellie's eyes cut over to Dina for the 50th time, chewing on her bottom lip, I can tell she feels the same horrid mix of guilt and relief. I can see it on her face and I don't think I can quite blame her. What we've done...

I never deserved to just be able to walk back into Ellie's life and I'm sure Dina is feeling every bit of it, I think I know the feeling. That hopelessness I felt the moment I saw them together. As though I thought she wouldn't have moved on.

"It's okay, El." I put a hand on her shoulder that I know won't be as relieving and comforting as I hope it to be.

"She's looking over here." She whispers back to me, hand grasping mine like it was her only way to escape, and my lips take no time when kissing the back of it, allowing her to pull me closer for a moment.

I feel sick myself, I feel nauseous. I know I don't deserve this. I know Dina deserves better, and yet my selfishness doesn't allow me to let go. I hold on tighter.

There's a tap on my shoulder, and when I turn around, I can feel my stomach tighten. I deserve this. Whatever hell there is to pay.

Instead she holds up a red solo cup and offers it to me. I can smell the nostalgic aroma of hot chocolate, the steam warming my freezing cheeks as I take it between a gloved hand. El lingers right beside me, I can feel her breath on my skin.

"Drink. It has marshmallows. That's a rarity, y'know." Dina prompts, nodding her head to the cup, her expression hasn't changed and it's almost threatening though in the most oddly comforting sense I had ever felt.

"Is it poisoned?" My stomach growls, hesitating the slightest bit to bring it to my lips. It was a joke. Mostly.

Without a beat skipped, Dina shrugs. "Yes."

There it stays, that blank expression for another beat or two. All three of us are stuck in a staredown and none of us a blinking.

Her lips quirk up into a little half-smile. I'm soon to follow. Ellie looks relieved.

My lips wrap around the rim.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

A/N: I’M BACK! and i brought LESBIANS with me!! 😁

[monstermoviedean]

regarding your post about 13x13 dean and cas’s interactions after they get cas back from asmodeus and what you said about cas changing the topic and apologizing for smth he’s inevitably gonna do again: i genuinely have no idea how people think dean sabotages their friendship/romance more than cas does?! cause like, yeah dean may have a hard time asking people to stay, but cas is the one often actively lying about his plans and ghosting dean 😭😭

like genuinely i’m so confused where it came from cause i was not in the fandom when the show was airing, so idk how people’s opinions developed. does this go back to the general “womanizer dean can’t have healthy relationships” idea that’s just such an overall misunderstanding of his character but has been here for so long?? is it because dean blames himself for everything in dialogue and people assume that’s the contextual truth? OR was there a specific season/episode that kinda cemented the idea in the wider fandom that dean is the bigger saboteur in their relationship specifically?? a combination???

i have theories but they're overlapping and i don't have full context since i'm still missing about two seasons. however. what i have generally seen:

this particular combination of assumptions (origin unknown): dean is repressed whereas cas is completely emotionally aware. dean does not know how he feels about cas and doesn't care to figure it out. cas is in love with dean, always has been, and has always known it. dean bad cas good. (this works with, as you mentioned, "womanizer dean can't have healthy relationships")

dean tends to be more outwardly emotional, including expressing upset with cas. because cas tends not to be as outwardly emotional, i think this becomes read as like...cas never getting a chance to stick up for himself? cas just taking it and never complaining? of the examples i can think of off the top of my head (dean giving cas the cold shoulder in 08x22, dean being upset with cas for running in 12x19), dean has legitimate reasons to feel hurt by cas' actions. the problem is sometimes that those actions are far removed from dean's reaction (...because cas literally hasn't been there to react to!) so it could feel like it's coming out of nowhere.

the widespread belief that dean makes cas feel unwelcome/uncared for. mostly predicated on dean "kicking cas out of the bunker with nothing" in 09x03. sigh. i understand why people get mad about this one, i really do. but even if i take my deangirl glasses off i think 'wow, dean was in a tough spot and made an awful choice that he thought would keep sam and cas both alive.' i see why he did it even though i don't like it, obviously. i simply do not believe there is any evidence to support 'dean kicked him out with nothing,' however.

a pattern many others have pointed out: dean tends to apologize more. the apologies stick out in people's minds, so it feels like dean has done more wrong because he's saying sorry more often. (this aligns well with what you said about dean blaming himself for everything)

this is just a suspicion because i haven't seen all of s15 and cannot be sure. however, the way i've seen people talk about "divorce arc" tends to suggest that the show places blame on this rupture on dean, and fans followed that blame. it also may be that this happened more recently so people remember it better than, say, cas breaking sam's wall in s6.

just a side note. i was here and active in the spn fandom 2011-2015, give or take. and while it is fully and entirely possible that this happened and i just don't remember it...i don't remember this kind of moral accounting, which one of them is the good one and which is the bad one, ledger of outstanding crimes which need to be addressed thing. i remember it being more balanced and a lot more "yay dean! yay cas! yay dean and cas together!" and less "who is ruining everything."