#when i said i scheduled this i apparently lied :v

[khaotunq]

Endless Chonlatee Gifs (18/?): Khaotung Thanawat as Chonlatee (Tonhon Chonlatee, 2020)

[elvenbeard]

Paranoia

Cyberpunk 2077 Fanfic

Summary: Something is off with V's medication, but there are many leads and the clock is ticking. What is Mr. Blue-Eyes planning and who is the rat that sold V out? With little expectations, Kerry begins an investigation on his own. (Post-Sun-Ending, mostly canon-compliant, Chapter 11/?, 6999 words, Kerry Eurodyne/V - notes at the end) >> Previous Chapter >> Read from the Beginning

“Vik told you to take it easy, Vince,” Kerry urged, placing his hands on V’s shoulders from behind. He had been lingering on his desk ever since they’d come home instead of finally joining Kerry on the couch downstairs. Watch a show, or just listen to music, just… exist and forget about all the existential dread at least for an hour or so, but no...

V’s half-empty martini glass stood close by the left edge of the table. Gently massaging V’s tense muscles, Kerry leaned down to give him a quick kiss on his flushed cheeks. He hadn’t made his drink that strong, as requested, but V just really didn’t react well to alcohol. In a way it was adorable. This seasoned merc, Night City’s bad boy number one, couldn’t hold his liquor.

“One sec,” V said, a little absentminded, eyes glued to the screen displaying a timelapse of various views of security cam footage of their penthouse. Kerry suppressed a sigh, and he opted now to loosely wrap his arms around V’s shoulders, trying to get his attention away from the computer like this. When he would not budge still, he rested his chin on V’s head and then reluctantly looked at the screen as well.

Selected in the security system’s overview was one of the cameras in the garage, the one in the elevator, one in the armory. Three more that overlooked the exterior of the house, including the entrance. Kerry knew of a couple more that V wasn’t monitoring at the moment. The timestamp in the corner of the footage was racing backwards, as was the video itself, and V had reached mid-August, briefly after they’d moved in here. The recordings eventually stopped at various still frames of him testing the setup on the day he’d had it installed.

“I wish I had footage of my old apartment,” V murmured, more to himself than to Kerry, “Was still spending a lot of time there when I got the first batch of pills from Vik.”

“Nothin’ suspicious here?” Kerry asked.

“No… at least, nothin’ apparent, as in…,” he gestured vaguely, “Masked intruders with blue glowing eyes.”

Kerry chuckled at his sarcastic undertone.

“That would be too easy.”

“I guess…” V shrugged, finally leaning back into Kerry’s embrace now, although with the backrest of his chair between them it was kinda awkward. Kerry shuffled and shifted slightly to better see V’s expression.

“How’s your head?” he almost didn’t dare to ask.

“Alright,” V said, eyes unfocused, but then he paused, “No actually it… was better earlier. Think Vik’s stuff’s startin’ to wear off. But I’ll manage.”

Kerry lowered his head and briefly closed his eyes. The heat of his own drink long worn off he basked in the warmth V was radiating. His warmth, his glow… how many more – or how few – setbacks would it take until it would all fade away forever?

“I gotta cross-reference this with my schedule,” V changed the topic back to the footage, “What date I got which batch of pills, and then see if there’s any weirdness here around those timeframes… Second prescription was around the time we moved in, but there were so many people in and out all the time… And if they got here before the security system was up and running the next best thing is the building’s surveillance outside, but that’s shitty quality and bad angles…”

V rubbed his face with his right hand and took a deep, heavy breath, as if an immense weight lay on his chest. Kerry clutched him a little tighter.

“Ooor, “he suggested in an attempt to ease the tension, “You could just chill until Nix does his job. ’Cause if this AJ chick lied to ya, you’re wastin’ a lot of energy on somethin’ pointless right now.”

“Don’t think she was lying…” V shook his head and finally moved to get up, Kerry letting him, “If she did, she should apply at some corp’s CI department. Better suited there instead of a dingy drug lab.”

He slipped out of his chair and picked up his leftover martini in one fluid motion, bringing the glass to his lips with some reluctance though.

“Y’know, I’ll happily finish it for ya,” Kerry offered with a wink, his forearms resting on the chair’s backrest now, fingers loosely interlocked as he played with one of his rings. V’s eyes met with his, a challenging glimmer in them, a cheeky smirk on his lips. He emptied the rest of his drink in one go. Letting out a long, deep breath V set the glass down and leaned back against the desk, healthy hand holding on to the edge for support.

“I’m so gonna regret this, but…” he still smiled at Kerry, “Not gonna lie, that was pretty good.”

“Despite the olive?” Kerry teased, then slowly pushed the chair aside, and stepped in front of him.

“Even that wasn’t so bad,” he said as Kerry’s hands trailed down V’s sides, then slipped under his t-shirt. Kerry grinned when goosebumps rose under his fingertips as they wandered around V’s waist, down to the small of his back.

“Picked a good one,” he said, trying to keep his mind from wandering as well, too fast, too far.

“Yeah, I did,” V smiled, and Kerry paused for a moment, noticing the slight tilt of V’s head, how he pursed his lips, amber eyes looking up at him through long dark eyelashes. Yeah… he wasn’t talking about the olive anymore.

“Gonk,” he muttered, but then he leaned in, no longer able to resist to kiss V’s cheeks and neck and chest, tongue and lips guided by the dark pink flushes speckled all across pale skin.

“What was that about takin’ it easy?” V whispered hoarsely, grabbing on to Kerry’s waist, leaning into his touch.

“Yeah… you lean back and relax,” Kerry breathed against his neck, “And lemme do what I’m good at…”

V giggled as Kerry slowly guided him over to their bed, accompanied by more kisses, little gasps, and fleeting touches.

Drunk sex usually guaranteed that V would be out cold (blissfully, of course) for at least a couple of hours afterwards. It had been one rollercoaster of a day and night… of a week, really, with both of them getting too little restful sleep. So, Kerry hoped this impromptu afternoon nap would do V good, or at the very least give him a little rest from everything. He seemed at peace at least, lips slightly parted, breathing slowly and deeply, huddled into their lightweight silk blanket the same way he’d been this morning. Kerry stayed by his side for a little while longer, just watching… but Lee and Vicki and a few other studio assholes kept messaging him, interrupting their domestic bliss once again.

They had been trying to get in touch all day, reminding him of deadlines, work that needed to be done, promo events, concerts, collabs… And Kerry had been patiently ignoring them while out and about with V. All he wanted was to stay in bed with him now, help him get the help he needed, force him to take it easy when he just wouldn’t listen to his doctors telling him to.

He lightly brushed his fingers over V’s cheek, the hint of patchy dark stubble along his jawline, eyes lingering on his pulse point for a moment. Kerry had sucked an almost purple bruise into his flesh, right where skin and cyberware met, as V had been flinching and whimpering under him…

Blip beep. Another message from Lee forced the steamy mental image out of Kerry’s head. He huffed and quickly checked his phone, with no intention to respond.

“The situation in regard to the video is somewhat under control now,” it read, and Kerry shuddered, “But N54 News’ showbiz representative sent in another exclusive interview request. They agreed to scratch the questions that had been bothering you in their previous e-mail, but in return they want a statement on the video and your relationship status. Same conditions as before. I think this is as great chance to clear things up and gain you some sympathy – also in light of already circulating rumors. I wrote up some possible responses (attached below) if you want to read them in advance! Maybe we can meet up some time later today, or tomorrow or… whenever fits best. To talk things through, discuss the next steps for the album and everything else. Please just quickly let me know if you’ve read this so I know you’re okay and onboard!”

Kerry suppressed an annoyed groan to not wake V. After a few more minutes of failing to doze off as well, he decided to get up. Drink some more maybe, have a smoke. Smash his phone with a hammer. In fact, what he really wanted was to get high out of his mind, knock himself out with vodka and pills, and sleep for 72 hours straight. Had he been alone, just lil’ old Kerry back at his villa in North Oak… he probably would’ve, and without hesitation.

Instead, now, he slipped into his bathrobe hanging over the gallery’s rail, and as he passed by V’s desk to get to the kitchen, his eyes got caught by the screens once more. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that V was still asleep. He had been so sure to find something suspicious on the security footage… but he’d also been high on Vik’s drug cocktail, dizzy from drinking Kerry’s actual cocktail, and pre-occupied with too much else. No surprise he hadn’t succeeded. If there even was anything to find at all.

Then again, Kerry barely knew what he was doing when it came to their house’s security system either. He had left these types of things to his management team for decades, and so far, that had worked out just fine. Mostly, at least. V had said himself, back when they had this installed here, that there simply was no system that was one hundred percent safe and impenetrable. There were always loopholes, exploits to use, and all that other fancy tech terminology Kerry only half understood but loved to hear V talk about.

“You can never fully rule out human error, either,” was what he liked to say.

Hence why Kerry felt a little silly when he pulled out the desk chair after standing, staring, and pondering it all for too long. All camera views were still selected in the review tool, V was visible in one of them, the 180 degrees view into the armory. He was looking up at the lens, at Kerry, pensive and serious. The timestamp read “August 3rd 2077 – 11.46 a.m.“. Just a little over a month ago, but he looked so much less tired than he did most days now. But also, at this point, he must’ve already been working for Blue-Eyes behind the scenes. Kerry realized that maybe that was exactly why he had been so keen on upgrading the security system before they’d even properly settled in.

Kerry sighed, leaned back in the chair, and then pulled up his own schedule. They’d just talked about it, the day Viktor had delivered more bad news to V regarding his initial treatment plan was the same day Kerry finally got out of the contract with Kovachek. The same day Blue-Eyes got in touch with his convenient help offer. He had to scroll past walls of texts and messages, but he finally found the invitation for the meeting with the studio bosses. July 22nd. Yeah, no footage for that. They had been talking about moving in together for a while at that time already though… early, really, given how they first met back in May only. But V had spent most of his nights at Kerry’s villa anyway, and Kerry sought refuge at V’s apartment all other days. Finding a place for them both together had simply felt like the right next logical step. It still did, more than ever. And with how little time they seemed to have left at the moment, there was no “too soon” for nothing, really…

Kerry held the thought and continued to scroll further up through his appointments on his planner’s interface. The scheduled meeting during which Lee had signed him on, a few days after the final conversation with Kovachek. The appointment with the realtor to view the penthouse. Moving in day, various important events at the recording studio, and with medias. A handful of parties, occasions, dinner dates with V sprinkled in-between, an invitation from River to come over some time… He hesitated for a moment at August 20th. It had been surprisingly hard again this year, but V made it easier, like so many other things...

After a few more studio-related appointments Kerry had reached present time.

He looked back at the computer screen in front of him, had to search for a play button. Then the recordings started moving again, at a quite high speed.

“Ah fuck…” Kerry hissed and looked for a way to slow the footage down, clicking some random buttons, but without success. Before accidentally deleting something, Kerry decided to just keep his eyes peeled for anything out of the usual as best as he managed, but there was nothing too obvious… Them both or either of them leaving and coming back home every day around similar times, AVs or delivery drones landing outside. There was quite the commotion with the moving company in the beginning, lots of strangers all at once, but Kerry didn’t recall any of them behaving weirdly, or even getting near where V stored his pills at the time.

Since there was only about a month of footage sped up dramatically, Kerry opted to just restart it a handful of times whenever he reached the end. Lee showed up in person at the entrance quite often in the beginning, but rarely made it all the way into the penthouse… Kerry hadn’t been aware just how often he did it though, seeing it happen again and again now on loop. He assumed that during some occasions neither he nor V were home to let him in. Kerry in fact remembered only one time Lee had been here in the early days, and how pissed he’d gotten at him for showing up unannounced over something completely trivial. He’d told him to meet up at the studio for these types of convos in the future and he had assumed that was the end of the story of unannounced visits.

Apparently not. Because right now he saw Lee coming back day after day… then not anymore for a few weeks. Then again on two days in a row at the end of August, the 24th and 25th. Kerry was not there to invite him in for any of those visits either…

He paused the preview at Lee just getting out of the penthouse and into the elevator on August 25th. His heart was racing faster than the footage had been, raking his brains… Had V let him in? He doubted that…

He pulled up his holo screen again to read back through the endless wall of text messages Lee had sent him since. Finally, the 25th, on which there had been a little bit of back and forth between them actually, and Kerry’s tension dropped slightly.

“Lee, I’m fucking busy tonight. Shard with demos is still at my new place. If you really need it that desperately, you gotta go get it yourself,” had been Kerry’s final message that night, and it fit the timeframe Lee was at the penthouse.

 So, he’d let him in remotely to pick up that shard, just how he did the other day to feed the cat. Temporary access token, no big deal, right…

Kerry scrolled further back through his messages, but there was nothing in his texts, nor his e-mails, nor his appointments that would explain Lee’s visit on the day before though. Only a reminder to himself about “date night with V <;3”, the reason for his pre-occupation on the 25th and neither of them being at the penthouse.

He dismissed his schedule and stared back at the screen. At Lee with his ridiculous pompadour, bleach-blond still at the time, in his over-priced suit, stumbling into the elevator, frozen in time. Going by the timestamps, he’d been in the penthouse for 15 minutes to pick up the shard which seemed… long for a task that simple. Unless it wasn’t the only thing he’d done there while Kerry and V were out on a fancy date.

No, not him though. The thought alone was fucking insane. That man’s spine was a slinky toy. He almost shat his pants whenever he had to call or speak to Kerry. If all that was an act and he was secretly one of Blue-Eyes’ agents, he deserved a fucking Oscar. Kerry shook his head at his own paranoia, took a few moments to rationalize, think it through. Lee was notorious for his bad timing and inability to just leave him the fuck alone. There were a million possible explanations that made more sense than any deeper, darker purpose behind these numerous, persistent visits and incompetence of fulfilling easy tasks in a timely manner…

He scrolled back through the footage to the several days in a row Lee was there at the start of August, shortly after they moved in. Kerry had his messages to him from that timeframe at the ready.

The one time he actually remembered Lee coming to the penthouse to talk was a Sunday. He didn’t even have a proper reason, apart from “getting to know each other a bit better” and discussing future plans and whatnot. Nothing they couldn’t have done over the holo. Hence why Kerry had been so pissed off, apart from Lee invading his living room unannounced. V hadn’t been there, thankfully.

The day after this incident Lee was on the footage again… No messages in Kerry’s inbox, but a calendar appointment for booking a recording booth. Kerry wasn’t home, and going by the footage, Lee didn’t get into the house either. He lingered in front of the intercom by the entrance a long while though, and Kerry noticed that he was talking – to V maybe, home that day, but telling him that Kerry was at the studio? Lee left the entrance area of the building with reluctance. Then he came back the next day, and again, Kerry couldn’t make a connection to his visit with any of the entries in his schedule or his messages. And then, August 11th…

“Lee… got a problem, forgot to fill the cat feeder this morning. I’ll be at the studio for a while still. Sending you a temporary access token. Cat food in the shelf next to the fridge.”

“You can never fully rule out human error…” shot through Kerry’s mind again. But yes, of course he’d give him access to their house, repeatedly, for stupid little tasks like that. Why wouldn’t he? Lee was a fucking pathetic little loser. He could never harm them in any way apart from maybe, psychological damage, right?

Kerry continued to stare at the screen, the timestamps. Lee arrived on the 11th and then spent almost 45 minutes feeding the cat. Kerry jumped forward to near the end of the collection of recordings, to a couple of days ago. The day he’d been at the med center and instructed Lee to feed the cat as well. Lee arrived at the penthouse quickly and sent his photo of Nibbles eating 5 minutes later. He was out the front door again after just over ten minutes. What had he done for the more than 30 extra minutes during the first “feed the cat” visit? Even his incompetence wasn’t great enough to need that long to locate the cat food and put it in the feeder.

Kerry’s ears were ringing as he watched himself in front of the computer from above. He hadn’t had such an intense out-of-body experience in a while. Trying to come up with a more logical explanation than “he probably searched for and swapped the pills during that time”, he was unable to even lift a finger. The thought ate itself into his brain like acid.

“Lee swapped the pills…” he wasn’t even sure if he said it out loud, so insane the mere idea. For money, for power, for chrome? What could a Mr. Blue-Eyes offer a small light like Lee… Well, everything he wanted, probably, and more. And Lee was dumb enough to believe him, too, if even V could be lured in by someone like that with promises big and times desperate enough.

 When Kerry arrived back in his own body eventually, his paralysis was slowly but surely replaced by rage.

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill that bastard…” he muttered to himself, got up from the chair, and instead of drinking more, maybe having a smoke, he went to grab his clothes from the wardrobe and then his gun from the armory. V was still fast asleep and none the wiser by the time the Aerondight left the garage.

Of course, Kerry wouldn’t kill Lee. Not really. Probably. But at the very least he wanted to scare the shit out of him and make him talk. Even if he had nothing to do with all of this in the way Kerry assumed, something was up with him, and Kerry needed to give him a piece of his mind before he imploded for good.

He arrived in front of the MSM recording studio in Charter Hill much faster than anticipated… so much so that his impromptu plan to get Lee to talk was still somewhat fuzzy around the edges. He was in the mood to storm in, guns blazing, but there was no guarantee Lee was even there. Maybe he should’ve checked that before coming here. Kerry cursed between his teeth, slightly clammy hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he parked straight across from the building’s main entrance. Reluctantly he decided to simply call his manager, something he usually never did. It rang a handful of times, longer than he would’ve expected.

“Kerry?” asked the shaky voice on the other end of the line.

“Certainly not Lizzy Wizzy,” Kerry replied deadpan, “Where are ya?”

His heart was beating in his throat.

“I’m at the studio! I’ve been waiting to hear from you, been worried that –…”

“I’m outside the front door,” Kerry interrupted him, “Come down, let’s talk.”

He tried not to let his nerves show, and he was thankful for his AudioVox evening out the slight tremor in his words.

“Uh… why don’t you come upstairs to my office?” Lee evaded, “Vicki just dropped by with two new demos you can listen to, I think – …”

“No,” Kerry said sternly, but he was grasping at straws for a reason as to why they had to meet outside that wouldn’t leave Lee even more suspicious.

“Bring the demos with ya, we’ll listen to ‘em on the road,” was the best thing he could bullshit this quickly, “Been too stagnant lately, gotta move around a bit, get the creative juices flowing.”

Empty phrases he’d flung around a million times before, but they usually worked with types like Lee.

“Oh… okay?” Lee said, then there was silence for a couple of seconds, “Okay, I’ll be right there but… I need to be back at the studio at the latest in an hour, got an important appointment...”

Kerry didn’t reply and simply hung up. No promises.

Lee appeared at the building’s main entrance around ten endless minutes later. Maybe he was truly just very bad at fulfilling simple tasks quickly. Kerry’s doubts were loud in his head as his right leg bounced in a shaky rhythm, the gun in his jacket’s pocket, heavy as a brick, bruising his thigh. Lee jogged across the street, black and blue designer coat fluttering in the wind. When he approached the passenger side of the car, he tried to put on a smile, but it was slanted and forced. Kerry opened the door for him.

“Get in,” he ordered, demanded almost, and Lee slightly flinched, fumbling in his pockets and pulling out a handful of shard cases.

“Got everything with me, I thought maybe we could start with the song demos? But just in case I also brought the interview questions I mentioned, and some other things you can decide on for the upcoming promo events.”

“Wow, great. Now get in,” Kerry repeated himself with zero enthusiasm and finally Lee slipped into the seat. The same seat V had fucked Kerry in so gloriously yesterday… and now Lee desecrated the space with his presence.

Kerry closed the door again and sped off before Lee could say another word, headed towards the highway that would lead them out of the city.

Lee kept babbling without pause, played the demos for Kerry and recounted the producers’ notes on what needed to be changed still and what was good, as well as the opinions of the studio bosses Kerry didn’t give a fuck about. But he had to just nod and smile, because in the end they were the ones that determined his success to an essential degree.

About twenty minutes into their drive, with buildings left and right becoming scarce and nothing but the near-deserted Badlands ahead of them, Lee grew quieter. He stared blankly ahead at the CrystalDome screens.

“Uh, Kerry, at the latest at five I need to be back in Charter Hill,” he reminded him.

Kerry did not respond, only half heard him really, his thoughts racing, eyes scanning for a secluded place he could pull into, wary to not be tailed by gangers, or worse, paparazzi. His GPS navigation pointed out a little dead-end road not far ahead, leading to an old racing track. He remembered the place, knew where he was now. He’d been here with V, very early on in their relationship, blowing off steam after something V couldn’t talk about at the time. That was before Blue-Eyes even, Johnny was still around… In hindsight Kerry was sure it had had something to do with that whole Dogtown mess.

His Aerondight squealed and rumbled across the uneven dirt road, he physically couldn’t go much further than a couple of hundred yards away from the highway, so he pulled over to the side of the road behind a large rock and turned off the engine.

“Uh, Kerry, we still have a long drive back ahead of us, and I gotta – ,“ Lee wanted to protest and Kerry slipped his fingers around the grip of his gun. He tried to breathe away his shaking, but it was no use. They were here now, he had to seize the opportunity, because who knew when – or if – Lee would ever get into the same car with him again.

He pulled his gun and pointed it at Lee, who let out a brief but surprisingly controlled scream and immediately raised his hands.

“K-Kerry I mean… Let’s talk this through, I’m sure you don’t wanna –…”

“Shut your fucking second asshole, Lee, ‘cause there’s only shit comin’ from it anyway,” Kerry ordered sternly, somewhat surprised at his own bravado, “Turn off your phone and put it in the glovebox, and then get out. No tricks, no messing around.”

“Okay, okay!” Lee whimpered, pulled out his phone with a feverish expression and squashed it in the glovebox between condoms, unpaid parking tickets, and one or two satchels of colorful pills.

“Get out, hands on your head,” Kerry repeated, “And slowly start walkin’.”

“Okay!” Lee squealed, eyes big and teary, then Kerry unlocked and opened the door for him before getting out of the car himself.

He looked over his shoulder, listened into the distance, but the desert was quiet. No roaring engines, no gunshots, no yelling. Yet.

With his gun he gestured Lee towards the old racing track, and whimpering Lee obeyed and marched on, white syn-leather boots soon turned orange from the dust. They quietly walked on until Kerry felt there was enough of a distance to the road, and they were at least partially obscured by the tall coarse rock formations and sparse vegetation framing the location.

“That’s far enough. Turn around,” he ordered, gun still pointing at Lee, he gripped it tightly with both hands to keep it steady. His manager slowly did as he was told, turning on the spot, slightly hunched over and squinting against the sun and the barrel of the gun. Kerry just stared back at him, tried to make sense of it still… and wondered if he had maybe lost it for good now. In the end, he had only a vague suspicion, no proof, no nothing. The uncertainty began to gnaw on his to-begin-with shaky confidence in all of this.

“Kerry listen,” Lee then pleaded, “I’m sure this has got to be a misunderstanding of some sort! Let’s just… talk, okay? Without the gun, maybe?”

“Shut it,” Kerry ordered, “I’m makin’ the rules here.”

“Okay, okay,” Lee lowered his head slightly, whispering something under his breath Kerry didn’t quite catch. He never took Lee for a religious person, but a little prayer probably couldn’t hurt in a moment like this.

Kerry still didn’t have a plan of action in his mind on how to move forward. In a movie the hero would probably hold a dramatic speech now, confronting the villain about his crimes and all, but truthfully, Kerry wasn’t the hero here. Holding a whimpering mess like Lee at gunpoint at least had nothing heroic about it. So, he decided to just cut straight to the point.

“Did you swap V’s pills?” he asked, voice not nearly as firm as the grip around his gun. He didn’t even have his finger on the trigger, but the visual alone was intimidating enough, he hoped.

He expected confusion, more bargaining, or just downright denial from Lee. Not for his eyes to grow wide, the remaining color to fade from his face. And for once in his life, Lee was dead silent, stared at Kerry open-mouthed. He’d hit the nail on the head.

“You fuckin’ asshole!” Kerry hissed and took a step towards Lee, pointing his gun straight between the fucker’s eyes, near-blinded by anger at Lee’s reaction. Lee screamed and flinched back, stumbling almost. Now the bargaining began.

“Please, please, I had no choice, they threatened to ruin me!”

“Well, tough shit, guess I’ll do it for ‘em now!” Kerry barked, his chest tight and face hot, and Lee kept screaming, pleading.

“No, no, no! Please!”

“You fuckin’ son of a bitch! To save your own sorry ass you, you – …���

Suddenly Lee’s persistent fear of Kerry and V made even more sense. If he’d been behind this from the start, he’d probably been scared they’d figure it out somehow, sooner or later. Every time they were alone together the bastard was a shaking mess not because he was so bad at his job, but scared for his life. Well, a little bit of both maybe.

“Who told you to do this?” Kerry then asked, “And you better spit it out quickly and as detailed as possible, or I’ll leave your sorry ass to rot out here.”

Lee whimpered and now sank to his knees, hands still on his head, facing the ground and actually sobbing.

“I don’t know them, I swear!” he sputtered, “Never saw their faces, never spoke to anyone in person. It all went over the holo. Directed me to pick up spots and gave me a certain timeframe to do… to do the swap. And if I hadn’t, they’d’ve ruined my life. Oh god… they’re not gonna just ruin my life, they’re really gonna kill me now that you know!”

He tumbled over forward, face-first into the sand and his sobbing intensified. Kerry couldn’t help but feel sorry for him now, a pathetic little loser in way over his head. And his story sadly sounded plausible with the little Kerry and V knew about Blue-Eyes and his associates.

“Fucking hell…” Kerry muttered and lowered his gun, then he closed the remaining distance between himself and Lee. He bent down and firmly grasped him by the back of his collar to pull him back up. Lee neither resisted nor made the feat easy for Kerry.

“Get it together, man,” Kerry hissed through gritted teeth and Lee fell backwards on his ass and just sat in the sand now, a picture of misery. His face and hair were encrusted with dirt, wet streaks running down his cheeks, his hands rested in his lap in resignation.

Kerry knelt down on one knee in front of him, gun still at the ready just in case, and tried to catch Lee’s gaze.

“Hope they at least fuckin’ paid you well,” Kerry said, trying his best to remain calm, scared that Lee would actually pass out if he intimidated him even more. Lee shook his head and Kerry frowned.

“They blackmailed me,” he explained sniffling, “I don’t know how but… They have so much information on me that I was sure no one knew about. How I never went to a prestigious school, the shit my parents did, how many of my credentials are… polished at best, how I… I never would’ve made it this far up at MSM if I hadn’t… improved my background here and there. I’m gonna lose everything if that information reaches the wrong kinda people...”

Kerry sighed deeply.

“Why am I not surprised,” he muttered, but knowing that Lee acted for purely selfish reasons made this somehow so much worse than if he’d just done it for a huge chunk of money. Not that it surprised him though, that was Night City in a nutshell. He got up again and started pacing in front of Lee.

“Lemme guess, you also didn’t know what you were even swapping there, right?” he asked, anger creeping back in, “Cause, surprise, you didn’t exchange some ibuprofen with sugar pills!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few deep breaths. They still didn’t even know exactly what these pills had been doing to V, but whatever it was, if they came from Mr. B, it couldn’t be good. Some kind of preparation to put V in that artificial body at best, mind control that was killing him even faster than his own body at worst. Everything in-between and beyond seemed possible and plausible, too.

“They said it was none of my concern and the less I knew, the better,” Lee admitted quietly, and Kerry couldn’t help but laugh out loud in frustration.

“You… pathetic shitstain!” he now yelled, so close to losing his temper again, “You’re the worst kind of scumbag, aren’t you? Messin’ with someone else’s life and health without asking any questions, just to save your own sorry ass. Believe me, you fit in just fuckin’ right with MSM and that whole fucking’ shitshow of a corporation. Such a brave obedient little corpo soldier, aren’t ya? Fuck!”

He kicked a small rock into the distance, swirling up orange dust, and its impact against one of the larger rock formations echoed across the desert. The sun was beginning to set over the city far behind them, and Kerry paced back and forth, back and forth, failing to find a solution. Lee held his head low and said nothing either, too shaken and guilty still, probably packing his bags in his mind already. Or shoveling his grave.

V would know what to do now, or at least be able to improvise something, but Kerry was at a loss. He eventually stopped in his tracks, still clutching his gun tightly, but despite his seething anger at Lee he still had no intentions of killing him. The guy had killed himself long ago already by weaseling his way into MSM through crooked schemes. Blue-Eyes was only serving him the bill for it now.

As if he could sense Kerry staring at him, Lee looked up and their eyes met.

“What now?” he asked shakily.

“Dunno, whaddaya suggest?” Kerry shrugged, “Wanna have me put ya outta your misery right away?”

“No no no!” Lee stammered and raised his hands again, hunching over in fear, “Please I… I know I fucked up, big time!”

“That’s the understatement of the century…”

After a moment of hesitation Lee looked back up at him again, carefully.

“I… if there is anything I can do to make up for this…”

Kerry couldn’t help himself but laugh.

“Well now I’m curious what in the fuck you’re gonna offer.”

“I… dunno…” Lee’s brief moment of confidence was blown out like a candle in a storm.

Kerry didn’t know either because, as usual, Lee was useless. Or at the very least he didn’t see a solution that could actually help them either. He needed to tell V about this. As soon as possible.

“Get back in the car,” Kerry then ordered, waving with his gun, “Takin’ ya to your stupid appointment.”

Lee’s eyes grew wider.

“What? Am I… I’m just supposed to continue as normal?”

Kerry frowned.

“What did you expect, that I’m gonna help you escape into a cozy exile somewhere nice and sunny while we clean up your mess and deal with the consequences?”

Lee just stared in response, but Kerry wouldn’t have let him answer anyway.

“You stay put and behave exactly how you always do, play the manager. And you sure as hell will not tell anyone anything about what we just talked about,” he ordered, “If your creep friends call you and ask you to run another errand, you will do exactly that, and don’t let show in any way that would suggest V and I caught on.”

“I… what?” Lee stammered.

“I’m not done yet,” Kerry interrupted him sternly, “Not done with you, either. You will make up for this shit you caused. And I promise you, if I get as much as a whiff of you tryin’ to rat us out or bail or whatnot… V knows people that will track you down to the dark side of the moon to blow your lights out, if necessary.”

The last one was a bluff, although he was sure, with some persuasive words and favors exchanged here and there, even that would be possible, should the need arise.

“Okay, okay!” Lee whimpered, “Understood. I… This meeting never happened?”

“Damn straight. Now back into the car, asshole.”

Kerry was elsewhere with his thoughts for the entirety of the ride back into the city. It wasn’t much, but if Lee managed to keep his mouth shut and not draw Blue-Eyes’ attention, they now actually were a step ahead. Kerry just didn’t know how to use this tiny edge yet, if they could use it at all… and all of course under the assumption that Blue-Eyes wasn’t listening in or watching them 24/7 through some fucked up means already anyway.

“Don’t forget your phone,” Kerry said when he stopped in front of the studio to let Lee get out. They were back early enough so he still had some time to clean himself up, get himself back together before his appointment.

“Yeah, right, thank you,” Lee stammered and stumbled out of the car and slowly started walking towards the building without further words.

The passenger door slid shut and the warm interior lights of the Aerondight engulfed him, but still, it was far from enough to soothe his nerves. Kerry rested his forehead on the steering wheel and let out a deep breath. Something in his guts told him that the studio would call him tomorrow morning to inform him of Lee’s mysterious disappearance or death, and that they already had the next replaceable guy lined up to take over…

“Fuck…” he muttered, smacked the steering wheel, and unlocked his own door. He jumped onto the street, a car passing by honking at him, but he ignored it. He turned to the main entrance of the studio building where Lee was just about to walk through the door.

“Lee!” he called, and Lee flinched and turned around with wide eyes, like a deer in headlights.

“Get back here,” Kerry waved, and hesitantly his manager returned to the side of the car.

“Yes?” he asked shakily, clutching his phone still. Sand was still dripping from his hair and the dirt on his face had dried.

“Get back in,” Kerry decided, and Lee gulped audibly, “Don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you alone right now. These guys that made you do this stuff…”

He didn’t have to say anything else, Lee nodded in strong agreement.

Edge or not, it was so small, so insignificant almost… And no matter how much he hated Lee’s guts sometimes, if Blue-Eyes snuffed him in his sleep tonight… Lee could know more than he let on, maybe even subconsciously. Him already being involved in this whole mess against his will also made him a better ally than any new manager that could be one of Blue-Eyes spies for real this time.

Lee got back in the passenger seat, and Kerry behind the wheel, turning on the engine. How the hell he was gonna break this to V he didn’t know yet. Right as he wanted to drive off, back home, he noted a dark van parked across the street, in good view of them. Kerry hesitated. This was nothing, probably, delivery guys, technicians. Although, no markings, names, or logos on the car.

Maybe this shit was getting to him more than he realized, seeing enemies where there were none. But it had ended with a black van with the Peralezes as well…

He tried to write the thought off as paranoia once again, but just in case, Kerry made extra sure they weren’t being followed before even getting into view of Watson.

*****************

>> Next Chapter

*****************

Notes:

It's been a hot minute, so much has happened since my last update, and I'm so happy I can finally share this ;__; I really had a lot of fun writing Kerry on his own little adventure for this chapter, and I think a few of you will be happy to see Lee back as well XD I've grown quite fond of him and had really been looking forward to this little reveal ever since I first introduced him xD I hope it came as a surprise but not entirely unexpected that he's involved in this mess a bit more deeply than he let on so far.

I hope the next chapter update won't take me as long as this one did, as with black vans showing up unannounced and Mr. B's schemes slowly becoming unravelled I can't wait to continue telling this story! :3

I put a little nod at Dogtown in this chapter, but to anyone who hasn't played Phantom Liberty and wants to continue reading: fret not! Since I started writing this story before the expansion and planned it out without any ties to it, the events of PL will not be majorly referenced here, not beyond what I did in this chapter.

Hope you enjoyed reading this, as always, and are looking forward to how it's all gonna continue (hopefully soon). I would say, we're about to reach the midway point of the story!

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[lowkeyclueless5137]

So about that event with the past versions of Ladybug and Chat Noir in the one book event where Orpheus and Yuuki try not to face palm at their own parents(also making sure that neither of the other NRC students that came with them aka, Ortho, Sebek, Kalim, Jade, Trey, and Idia[yes let’s add him so he’ll be more confused and freak out more] will blab either). But since you said it was based on the movie(and that movie had some musical parts) does that mean Orpheus, and Yuuki plus the other NRC students will just start randomly singing out of no where(imagine if they are the only ones to notice that yet no one else around them does for weird reason :])

It is based of the movie... But that excludes the wierd singing moments. :v

I did say it is based a bit more from the movie, but it's also a smol mix in between, because if we go fully by the movie, then the reverse episode doesn't have any logical explanation for existing. So it's at the base a mix in between, minus the wierd singing. Like pls no more musicals. I never understood musicals -3-

It is more set during a... Let's say a timeskip. Like a random villan of the week thingie.

Imagine how ladybug and chat noir must've felt when this ladybug and cat heroes from the 'future' are brought up. (this is set in between s4's truth/lies and gang of secrets, so no Alya knowing or all that stuff) Like surely this wasn't any of bunnix's doing.

Plus apparently in class, they have new students. Damocles really didn't do any fucking background check on these 8, just immediately 'sure here's your schedule and everything'. Like damn, now Yuuki and Orpheus understood why their parents didn't really like their high-school principal. This is somehow both better and worse than Crowley.

They got money via pawning some of Kalim's jewels. He didn't have with him his most expensive jewellery and it wasn't like he couldn't get more once they were back, so ya know... Not a significant loss.

Yuuki, Orpheus, Ortho and Sebek get in our akuma class. Jade and Kalim get yeeted in a year older class and same for Trey and Idia. They all used intricate concealing charms and for Ortho they said that he usually wears a mask for health reasons. Ya know, just to not raise too much suspicions.

Ortho actually gets along with everyone. Everyone likes him and it's pretty hard to hate on him. Doesn't mean he won't rip you to shreds if you dare try to target his big 'siblings'(yes, yuuki counts)

Sebek is absolutely all over the fucking place. He hates this class in particular with a burning passion and nothing can stop him. He wants Lila to crash and burn and he is so baffled by the homeroom teach's methods. Basically someone had to keep an eye on Sebek as to not have a fucking seizure.

Orpheus and Yuuki feel like in some complex purgatory, since these are their parents right there. They are classmates! And their mom is pinning for their absolutely oblivious dad.

Kalim befriends the whole school and everyone pretty much would die for this Boi.

Jade is feared by the whole school and no one wants to be associated with him.

Idia dies during dodgeball! :D

Trey is the sane one... He's the most approachable and actually normal one. Until you bring up teeth. -3-

At one point, Orpheus and Yuuki have to give the others miraculous from their box(which is usually hid in the infinite storage dimension from either Yuuki or Orpheus's weapons) and they do bring even more confusion for our og heroes. Sometimes ladybug summons in battle someone with the same miraculous as one of our assigned 'heroes' so it's absolutely clear there's just doubles of every miraculous at this point.

Kalim gets assigned the pig, Trey the turtle, Jade the peacock, Idia the butterfly, Ortho the ox (which kinda is making him a bit too op if he still has all those hi-tech weapons still. He's now untouchable too.) and Sebek the fox (he bonks people with the flute like it's a baton and he's not once apologetic about it)

They tried everything to go back home, but they flunked by the book magic. So only when they fulfill their 'mission' they can dissappear. They don't even know what that is supposed to be?!

Their mission? Help Lb and CN mend their very sour teamwork.

It takes a lot of 'bush spying' and just trying to tell them point blank to try and talk out their issues. PLEASE COMMUNICATE FOR FFS SAKE-

When they do accomplish their mission, the book would get them back to the real world and everyone collectively agrees to not speak about it. Ever. Like they all went through very awkward situations and a lot of face-palm moments to the point even Kalim got salty about sum shit. KALIM! THE NICEST PERSON YOU'D EVER KNOW ALMOST TORE A NEW ONE TO SOMEONE.

Yeah... Nice experience, won't recommend :'3

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 15]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, softdom!seungcheol, blowjob, cum swallowing, restraints/blindfold, daddy!kink, dirty talk, v little hair pulling, orgasm control, squirting, sex toys 😗💕 hope y’all are having a good weekend! As you can see, with this chapter comes the decided amount of chapters 😭 which means! cherry bomb ends on jan. 1st! 😭😭😭 I’m sad about it but!! excited to start the new year with some new projects too!! and I promise it won't be the last of this au either (I'll upload and talk abt a new schedule when it gets closer to time)💕💕 Thank you, as always, for your support with Cherry Bomb and I’m glad some of us have had pavlovian responses when we hear the term now LOOOL😩💕 Enjoy ch15 and have a great weekend! see u tomorrow for the last intro post! 💕🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - x - x - x - x - x 

Seungcheol takes it as a blessing that he doesn’t work on the weekends.

You do your camshow on Friday and upload prerecorded content on Saturday which leaves two whole days of relaxation that the two of you enjoy.

But Monday comes quicker than you anticipate and Seungcheol drops you off to work before he heads back to the roller rink; ignoring the multitudes of texts it seems Jeongguk is sending.

I’ll be at work in 30 minutes, he thinks.

“I’ll be back to pick you up after work, baby!”

You nod back, blowing Seungcheol a kiss through the window before you turn to leave.

Seungcheol’s phone rings 3 more times, brows furrowed.

‘It can wait.’

“Hyung, we’re in trouble… Maybe?”

Jeongguk’s big puppy eyes stare back at the older male and he can already feel the blood draining from his face at the potential reasons that the younger male would even say that. “Um… is---is this pertaining to why you tried calling like 14 times?” Jeongguk nods, tugging on Seungcheol’s shirt and pulling him in closer.

“Before you say anything… Namjoon-hyung didn’t find out, did he?”

“Find out about what?”

“That I… cam… I don’t want to get fired because I--”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, “Listen, I’m gonna be real, I don’t think he cares. The problem is… remember that dude that came in? A couple weeks ago. Lookin’ for a job.”

Seungcheol nods slowly; trying to remember the male’s name. “Seok--something, right?” Jeongguk nods.

“Apparently, he came back, and at the right time too. Namjoon hired his ass on the spot and he starts tomorrow. I heard from Seokjin.” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he stares and waits for Jeongguk to continue. “... And? How is that trouble for us?”

Jeongguk lets out an over dramatic sigh, hands on Seungcheol’s shoulders. “Nevermind, I forgot you’re making bank on those videos. I was gonna say, we might get a pay cut! Or maybe Joon-hyung’s trying to replace us but I guess that’s not a ‘you’ problem.”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, shaking his head before patting Jeongguk’s hands.

“You’ll be okay. I don’t think anyone is coming for your concession stand job.”

The next day when Seungcheol makes it to work, he can’t help but have a weird feeling in his gut.

Much like the time when he first met Jun, there’s an indescribable feeling bubbling up in his body that he can’t seem to shake off once he arrives at the roller rink and the sight of Jeongguk with the new employee doesn’t help to settle the feeling at all.

Just before he can make his escape, the younger male waves him over; a cheery smile plastered on his face when Seungcheol starts walking over.

“Hyung! It’s the new employee!”

So much for panicking about being replaced, Jeongguk.

Seungcheol smiles at the other male, introducing himself swiftly before extending a hand to shake. “Ah! I remember you! I’m Seokmin! I’m the same age as Jeongguk!” Seungcheol’s lips part as he nods in understanding; that had been why Jeongguk seemed so okay with it all of a sudden.

Seokmin’s eyes form crescents when he smiles and Seungcheol takes a second to do a once over of the other male; noting the pins tacked to his denim jacket. His eyes hone in on a specific one, narrowing once he realized what it was.

It’d been a while ago now, but when you’d hit 5k subscribers to your camming channel, you had made only three of the same pin, which you had raffled and only gave to three winners.

By nature, Seungcheol was one of them, and the other two were ‘xcaliburDK’ and ‘gentleman_josh95’. Seungcheol could deduce from usernames alone that this wasn’t ‘Josh’ so it only left one option left; albeit Seokmin didn’t add up to the username either.

“Hyung? Hyung, are you okay? You’re spacing out.” Jeongguk waves a hand in the elder’s face as Seungcheol shakes himself from his thoughts.

He’d just have to figure it out later.

Although, he can already feel the groan spilling from his lips.

Why was everyone popping up now?

When he picks you up from work, later that afternoon, he can already tell something is off about you too.

You slink into the passenger’s seat of his car, quiet and a little jittery. “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He comments, watching as you fumble with the seatbelt.

“Yeah it’s just… Can we talk about it when we get home? I think I’m still recovering from the weird experience I had earlier.”

Nodding, Seungcheol reaches over, placing his palm in yours in a means of comforting you; even just a little.

“Guess we both have had weird days, huh?”

You can’t thank Seungcheol enough for how patient he is.

He doesn’t say a word in the car and lets you have your quiet, cool down time before you get home.

But when the lock slides into place and you finally plop down onto the bed, you know it’s finally time to have the talk that you knew was brewing.

“I met another one of my regulars at the diner today.” You mumble; beating Seungcheol to the punch of him asking.

“Weird, I think I ran into one of your regulars at the roller rink today too. He works there now, by the way.”

The two of you share an awkward laugh as Seungcheol lays down next to you; neither of you bothering to change out of your outside clothes as you bask in the oddly similar occurrences. “Wouldn’t happen to be ‘universe_WZ’ would it? He came by the diner earlier, ‘just passing through town’ he said. It was so weird though, y’know? Him and Jun kinda got along ‘cause apparently they’re born in the same year.” You smile at the memory, despite how odd it was at first. “He was quiet and Jun is very much not. I think he bailed earlier than he wanted ‘cause his ear was getting talked off. But he asked me for an autograph on the way out and some old lady stared at me. It was just… a little weird.”

Seungcheol laughs; somewhat glad that your experience hadn’t been as bad as he was expecting.

“How ‘bout you, ‘Cheol? What was that about him working with you?”

The male groans, sliding a hand down his features. “It was… somethin’ else.” You turn on your side to face him, raising a brow.

“Couldn’t be that bad, could it?”

Seungcheol laughs, but only in the way he knows that the next words out of his mouth will sound ridiculous, even to you.

“I’m not going to say who it is because I don’t want you to be extra weirded out. He’s an okay guy, very diligent about his work. But let’s just say I caught a glimpse of his wallpaper, which was you by the way. And when I asked him, ‘hey, is that your girlfriend?’, the fucker lied and said yes!”

It takes a second before you’re letting out a boisterous laugh; tears springing to your eyes at the hilarious encounter Seungcheol had experienced.

“You’re not mad!?” He comments, eyes wide as saucers as he watches you curl up in laughter. “I thought you’d be mad!” You wipe a tear from your eye, catching your breath before you turn back to Seungcheol who watches you in confusion.

“No way, that’s fuckin’ hilarious! And let’s be real, probably not the first time someone’s lied about me being their girlfriend, right? But I--he doesn’t know, does he? That you’re… y’know, ‘dom.cheol’?” Seungcheol blushes, cheeks blooming a pale pink when he thinks about it.

Would his voice be enough to give it away?

“I don’t… know? He didn’t say anything but neither did I, honestly. It was just… weird. And now I work with him so that’ll be fun. Can’t wait for him to tell me how cute his girlfriend is.” He grumbles.

“Awww, is widdol Swungcheol jealous?” You blink cutely back at him; a teasing smirk on your lips when you see him narrowing his eyes back at you.

“Watch it, brat. You know I can punish you at any time, right?”

“Try me, then~”

Seungcheol mentally logs into his brain and waits until your Wednesday show before he makes a move.

He brings his favorite silk ties from his closet and places them on the bed while you get changed; a sly smirk on his face.

“‘Okay, ‘Cheol I’m--whoa.” You bite your lip when you step out and see the array of ties and the vibrator already sitting on the bed. “Um… I take it that these are part of the show tonight?” You end with a shy giggle; body already warm at the way Seungcheol looks at you.

“Mmhmm. For the ‘lil jealous comment you made. What was it that you said? ‘Try me, then’?” He grins in a way that you know you’re screwed and you saunter up to him in hopes of maybe pacifying him a little.

“Too late to say that I take it back?”

“Waaaay too late, baby. Now, let’s get started.”

chwenon has donated $50

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

artist8hao has donated $75

artist8hao: she’s so pretty with her hands tied behind her back like that

angelhan: shibari next time???

universe_WZ: she’d be so pretty all tied up

universe_WZ: rly nice seeing u btw ;)

therealchan99: where tf are all of u seeing her!?!?? I need to go out more im lackin bro

alphagyu97: its the way u walk into every set up for me

Seungcheol chuckles under his breath, reading the comments with his hand tangled in your hair and your arms tied behind your back as you work your mouth up and down on his cock.

Before the show had even started, he had quickly rearranged the setup so that the camera was angled down towards the space in front of the bed instead of where it usually faced which was on top of the bed. You were a little confused at first when he had nodded and told you to start your camshow from the rug placed underneath you but it soon made sense when he had tied your arms behind your back and made you suck him off with your knees digging into the rug and a silk tie tied into a bow around your eyes to prevent you from seeing.

“Shibari, huh? Ooh, wouldn’t it be a treat for your viewers if you did a show where you were all tied up? I’d have to start it for you, or maybe they’d like to watch the process and see how quickly I can get you to fall apart.” Seungcheol pauses; hips canting up slightly into your mouth as you swallow and gag around him. “We can make it an extra long camshow… Maybe a pay-per-view situation. They can watch you squirm and cum all night long while I keep a vibrator pressed against your clit until your cute body is trembling.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head even if Seungcheol can’t see it and you moan around his cock when you feel him throbbing in your mouth.

The sound of donations and comments is all you can go off of with your back towards the camera and your vision taken away; noting that the viewers must’ve liked the idea.

j__min has donated $150

j__min: popping in to say if u need help buying ropes, i know a guy ;)

alphagyu97: wait is this rly happening

alphagyu97: i’ll clear my schedule gentleman_josh95: yea same

xcaliburDK: i just started a new job i cant have any sick days plz… at least reupload it for me 😭😭

Seungcheol smirks when he reads that particular comment; fingertips massaging your skull when he hears you whining. “I know, baby. You wanna be fucked, huh? It isn’t nice being teased, right? So now you know how I feel~” In a blink of an eye, ‘xcaliburDK’s comment is buried and Seungcheol is thankful that you didn’t see it. He’d just have to keep it a secret for now while he played along and listened to what else Seokmin had to say about his so-called ‘girlfriend’.

You rub your thighs together; already feeling the slickness on them from how wet you already were and how long you’d been teasing and sucking his cock.

“Fuck, I could cum down your pretty ‘lil throat and then make you work for my cock. Drag your punishment out even longer than your viewers would see.” You moan around his cock in response and Seungcheol can only take it as a whiny ‘no’ before he’s pulling you off of him by the hair; soft sputters and coughs spilling from your wet lips as you catch your breath.

“But I think you’ve earned your orgasm, hmm? What do you say, princess?”

Your throat feels hoarse and your body feel obscenely hot at the way Seungcheol doesn’t seem to want to take off your restraints just yet. “Y-yes, daddy I--I want to c-cum… pl--please.”

tangerine_kwan: ahhh shes so cute

tangerine_kwan: petition for baby pink ties next time i think they suit her

sleepy_wonu: if that shibari show is happening, yes

“We’ll talk about it later, although I don’t think she’ll be opposed to it~” You furrow your brows; wondering what Seungcheok was referring to. 

You’d ask later.

“D-daddy…?”

Seungcheol tugs you slightly by your hair, urging you up as you slowly stand on shaky legs. You let him take the reins as he unties your arms and repositions you until you’re bent over the edge of the bed; left leg folded atop the bedsheets while your right leg keeps you upright. He keeps your blindfold on but lets you keep your arms loose; which you find out fairly quickly, is for good reason.

The buzzing of the vibrator makes you bite your bottom lip and soon enough, Seungcheol places the toy in your clammy hand.

“You’re gonna slide your hand under your body and keep that vibrator pressed against your clit while I fuck you. And you’re not allowed to cum unless I say so. Am I understood, baby?” You feel Seungcheol teasing you as he slides his cock through your soaking folds before circling the tip around your entrance.

“I expect a response when I ask you a question, sweetheart.”

“Y--yes, daddy, I--ah!”

Seungcheol grins as he slides his cock into your tight cunt; watching as you slowly sandwich your arm between your body and the bed sheets to place the vibrator against your clit. You cry out, a mess of sharp whines and jumbled words spilling off your lips with the combination of Seungcheol’s thrusts and the vibrations on your clit.

“Ngh, d--daddy! Fuck me m-more!”

Your other hand digs into the sheets, fingers tight around the fabric as Seungcheol fucks you from behind. He knows your body like the back of his hand and he quickly already has you on the verge of an orgasm despite only having started fucking you, moments prior.

“Don’t cum, princess~” Teasingly, he alternates from quick snaps of his hips that have his cock slamming into your g-spot to slow thrusts that have you remembering every groove and vein of his cock when he pulls out. And when he fucks you like this, it’s easy to forget the camera was even on and that people were watching; if not for the constant pinging of comments and donations that mix in with your moans, Seungcheol’s harsh breaths and the sound of the vibrator against your clit.

hoshi_tiger_xx: hmm but shes obv being punished and we all kno good girls dont get creampies

therealchan99: ur right,,, where should he cum then?

kitty_junjun: my votes on her tits

kitty_junjun has donated $75

sleepy_wonu: maybe all over her back and then post the pics in the private room

xcaliburDK: or raffle them!! I want them

chwenon: ooo cum in her mouth but dont let her swallow

chwenon: then u can raffle those pics or sth

Neither you nor Seungcheol are even paying attention to the comments that fly past on the screen and the only thing Seungcheol even turns slightly for, is to check to make sure he’s still properly out of frame.

He can already feel you tightening up around him and with the vibrator on your clit, he knows for a fact you won’t last much longer before you’re cumming.

“Hmm, princess, I can feel you getting so tight around me. Bet you wanna cum already, huh?”

“D-daddy, I dunno, ah, how--how much longer I can h-hold off…” You mumble; already feeling the tension in your body ready to snap at any second.

“Be a good girl. I said you earned your orgasm but you need to be patient.” You nod to the best of your ability; head feeling heavy and fuzzy as you try to stave off your orgasm for a little longer. “Y--yes, daddy…” He slows down his thrusts in order to help you a little and the soft praises that fall from his lips have the warmth blooming in your chest.

But it doesn’t last long because despite Seungcheol’s valiant efforts, you’re already too close to cumming to stop yourself when you feel the pressure building up too fast.

“Oh, d-daddy, I---I can’t, I---I can’t, I have, ah, to---to c-cum! Fuh--fuck, ‘m s--sorry!”

Seungcheol can’t even manage a word in before he feels his cock being forced out of your pussy and the wetness that squirts all over his cock and lower half. Loud cries and whines are all you can manage in the thrums of pleasure and the grip you have on the vibrator only tightens as you grind against the toy to ride out your high.

Seungcheol takes the time to wrap a hand around his cock as he strokes himself; body turned halfway towards the laptop to see what everyone was saying.

hoshi_tiger_xx: uh ohhh pretty baby came without permission

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

hoshi_tiger_xx: donation for squirting tho

alphagyu97: ugh look at her cute lil hole begging to be filled up

angelhan: bet she’s feeling empty rn huh

Your soft mewls have Seungcheol turning back to face you; eyes trained on your twitching body when the pleasure starts to ebb away and the overstimulation from the vibrator starts to bite. “Daddy… the---the, mmh, toy…”

“You can turn it off, sweetheart.” His tone is clipped and you already know you’re in for it once you manage to find the switch on the silicone toy. You turn it off and slide your hand from underneath you; palms flat against the sheets as you sniffle.

“I--I’m really s-sorry, I--I couldn’t--”

“I want you on your knees again, princess.”

Nodding shakily, you ease your bent leg down as you maneuver yourself onto your knees; hands already searching for Seungcheol before you hear his small ‘ah, ah, ah’s.  “Hands behind your back and tongue out, baby.” You follow his orders as you clasp your hands behind your back and diligently open your mouth and stick your tongue out as far as you can.

He brings his cock towards your face, tapping his cock head against your tongue before he starts to jerk himself off over your mouth and face. “I gotta hand it to you, princess. At least you apologized.” Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “But next time though? I won’t even let you have my cock.”

You whimper in return, brows furrowed under the silk tie.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum all over this pretty face.” His grip on his cock tightens and he thrusts into his palm quicker as he chases his high. “Don’t worry. I’ll take pretty pictures of your cum stained face.”

Seungcheol groans as he feels the coil in his body snapping and not a second later do you feel warm rivulets of cum hitting your cheeks and your tongue. Some of it manages to catch on the silk tie as you moan. The donations and comments pour in like water as Seungcheol continues to cover your face in cum and for the umpteeth time, you’re reassured that this was a path that worked out for you.

It was so silly that you’d thought of quitting camming earlier. 

Although, you never brought it up to Seungcheol.

In actuality, there were quite a few things that you’d never brought up to Seungcheol.

“Fuck…” He mutters from above you and it’s enough to bring you out of your thoughts as you hold still. Seungcheol takes the hint, using a sticky cum covered hand to reach for his phone to snap pictures of you; he’d just clean it up later.

“Say cheese~” He laughs, taking a couple photos before tossing his phone onto the bed as you draw your tongue back into your mouth and swallow down the warm salty substance that managed to hit your tongue.

Seungcheol helps you up from the floor, pouting when he sees how red your knees have gotten. “Hmm, think I need to take care of my princess after this.” He helps take your blindfold off and you’re quick to blink the fogginess away as  you try to focus on Seungcheol’s face before peering over to the laptop’s screen.

Your cheeks burn hot at the cum that still stains your cheeks when you see  yourself but the comments that flood in calling you pretty make you giggle.

“Ooookay. I think daddy is gonna get all cleaned up and I’ll wrap up here?” You check in with Seungcheol, who shoots you a nod and a small thumbs up before slinking completely out of the camera’s view.

“Okay guys, now what were you all talking about while I was on my knees?”

You get out of the shower feeling refreshed; tossing on a loose shirt before skipping out of the bathroom.

Seungcheol is cozied up on the sofa, waiting on the food that the two of you had ordered right after you ended your show. “‘Cheollie~” He turns to you as you plop down next to him and he’s quick to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he tugs you into his side.

“Feeling better?”

“Mmhmm~ A ‘lil sleepy but I can go for that food and then sleep.”

The two of you share a laugh, eyes focused on the movie that plays on the TV. “Say…” You start, “Someone asked a good question in the comments after you stepped out.” You gulp; palms a little clammy.

You just had to know.

“Yeah? Was it about the shibari camshow again?”

“No, actually…” You take a deep breath, telling yourself it’d be okay regardless of what he said.

“Seungcheol, am I your girlfriend?”

[lastsonlost]

The star begins a libel trial against a U.K. tabloid that called him a "wife beater." No matter the verdict, he's destined to lose.

If there's a single word to describe Johnny Depp's status at the moment, I'd go with zugzwang, which chess aficionados know to be the moment when a player basically gets cornered into making a move that will inevitably lead to an even more inferior position. On Tuesday, the star actor appeared in a London courtroom to take on the U.K. publisher of The Sun for characterizing him as a "wife beater" in the print edition of an April 27, 2018, online article.  Unfortunately for Depp, it seems to be a defamation trial that's a no-win situation.

Depp appears to think that success is achievable at a proceeding that will last several weeks and feature all sorts of inside details about his life plus celebrity friends including Paul Bettany and Winona Ryder. Depp is claiming that during his tumultuous marriage to Amber Heard between 2015 through 2017, he didn't actually throw a phone at her, slap her across the face, and grab her by the hair, as she once testified in a deposition during one of the nastiest divorces in Hollywood history. Perhaps Depp will play audio tapes in an effort to claim his ex-wife was the abusive one in this stormy relationship. It won't matter because there's really no reversing the damage that Depp has incurred these past few years.

That should have become obvious on June 26 when it was revealed that Disney was working on a new Pirates of the Caribbean, this time featuring a female-fronted cast led by Margot Robbie. In other words, at the exact moment when a U.K. judge was deciding on whether to actually proceed with Depp's libel suit after the actor's attorneys breached a court order by failing to turn over a series of text messages concerning the procurement of drugs, Depp may have lost his most lucrative role. A source tells The Hollywood Reporter that Jerry Bruckheimer would like to at least nod to the popularity of the Captain Jack Sparrow character in the coming film if the controversies die down, but at this point, Disney is resistant. Depp is too controversial. (Disney didn’t respond for comment.)

So Depp will pursue a favorable verdict and a nominal damages award from a trial that's playing out under English defamation standards — in other words, where the burden of truth is on the news publisher to establish rather than Depp. Meanwhile, over the next few weeks, amid an international pandemic, Depp will surely incur additional reputational harm from these prying court proceedings, the impetus for which was a column questioning J.K. Rowling's defense of Depp being cast in the adaptation of her book Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. It's hard to sue one's way out of controversy.

Given this situation, it's no wonder Hollywood insiders are increasingly puzzled over Depp's moves. I spoke to several industry attorneys and publicists, all of whom offered some variation on the theme that the public would likely have forgotten Depp's years-old troubles but for court actions that keep reminding everyone.

“One of the things you’re always balancing is, how do you respond to accusation? Do you add more fuel to the fire or let it dissipate?” asks Howard Bragman, a longtime crisis manager in the entertainment industry.

Says Neville Johnson, an attorney who has previously brought suits against tabloids but questions the star plaintiff's wisdom here: “Depp doesn’t need the money [from any damages award] and it is not going to enhance his reputation.”

***

How did Depp find himself at the point of zugzwang? More and more, one has got to question Depp's reliance on attorney Adam Waldman. Depp has many attorneys, and the others seem to be the ones actually doing the hard work in court, but Waldman has become Depp's mouthpiece and also looks to be the lawyer who has emerged as the star's svengali of sorts.

Who is Waldman?

A search on Google (where he referred this reporter instead of agreeing to an interview) yields some clues, though hardly anything definitive. Unlike most attorneys, Waldman maintains no bio page these days. A few years back, Waldman's D.C.-based Endeavor Group did have a working website, but no longer. A trip to the Internet Archive reveals that Waldman once took credit for overseeing "all corporate aspects" of the landmark antitrust trial United States v. Microsoft, being the "principal architect of several ground-breaking initiatives" including the Center for Global Development, and even predicting the 2009 financial crisis with a "seminal law review article" authored all the way back in 1993. That would be when he was a student at American University, which did indeed confirm his graduation in 1995.

Waldman, according to reputable press reports, seems to have been involved in various dealings with the Kremlin, Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska, and Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. He had a lucrative ($40,000 per month) lobbying contract with Deripaska, was registered as an agent for the Russian government, visited Assange nine times in one year at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, apparently in connection with efforts to strike a deal with the DOJ, and more. His associations have become fodder for intrigue among reporters and lawmakers even if there’s a lack of public evidence of anything more than Waldman having a talent for landing recurring, if minor, roles in real-life Russian political dramas.

I'd say that Waldman's foray on the periphery of the industry hardly matters, except that it appears Depp is publicly burning bridges with the sort of abandon that one hardly ever sees among big Hollywood stars. Depp's recent legal pursuits include battling his former money managers over the disposition of hundreds of millions of dollars; splitting with longtime transactional attorney Jake Bloom; and, of course, continuing to face off against Heard again and again and again, including in a separate defamation suit against her over an op-ed she wrote for The Washington Post. That latter case is currently scheduled for trial in Virginia in January 2021.

That's a lot of legal work, and Waldman appears to have taken on a central role. As Stephen Rodrick put it in an often-cited Rolling Stone article, "Waldman seems to have convinced Depp that they are freedom fighters taking on the Hollywood machine rather than scavengers squabbling over the scraps of a fortune squandered."

Waldman is also conducting a public experiment on social media. In a nutshell, do tactics of preaching to a choir of a small number of Twitter accounts achieve anything outside of politics? Most attorneys don't pick fights with the media during a big case, particularly in the weeks before trial. Not Waldman. For weeks, he's been goading reporters at The New York Times who apparently are investigating him, and he's been whipping his followers into a frenzy with attacks on Rodrick, Variety ("Saudi Arabia's Variety"), THR ("too much corruption") and other journalists and news publications. (That said, Waldman may not be above going to his own favored media outlets. Depp's attorneys have been accused in court papers of leaking to outlets like The Blast, which seems to be to Depp what Fox News is to Trump.) He's also litigating on Twitter, presenting evidence procured from Depp's cases, and overall, exhibiting highly unusual behavior for a working attorney.

To what end? That one is very hard to answer. But if anyone in Hollywood is ready to take on "fake news," the ticket of Depp-Waldman should be deemed real contenders.

***

In the era of #MeToo, allegations of misconduct get attention — and deservedly so — but some newsrooms have traditionally made a distinction between behavior in the workplace and domestic conduct, with the latter being perceived as tabloid fodder. This time, though, an ugly divorce proceeding has transformed into something quite more.

Alas, the trial of John Christopher Depp II v. News Group Newspapers Ltd has now begun.

On July 7, Depp himself took the witness stand and accused Heard of being sociopathic, a narcissist, and completely emotionally dishonest. He insisted her "sick" claims of abuse are untrue. And in opening statements, his attorney David Sherborne said, "This is not a case about money. It is about vindication."

Depp, in fighting a battle against an unflattering headline, is merely going to draw more attention to The Sun's accusation that he's a "wife beater," especially once Heard gets on the witness stand. At the end of it all, no matter the verdict, this trial will likely do nothing to tamp down the controversies that have tarnished his career. He's elevated a tabloid columnist's random musing into something that's going to be covered by serious news outlets for weeks, months, years on end.

For that, Johnny Depp should regain his senses and fire his lawyers.

Vindication ain't possible. The damage is done. That's the only thing a successful libel claim shows.

__________

What kind of Weinstein bullshit is this?  So what, If he gives up on getting Justice for what hes been through Hollywood might throw him some crumbs? 

JUST SHUT UP AND SUFFER IN SILENCE!  ACCEPT THE LIES THAT WERE SPREAD ABOUT YOU! LET YOUR ABUSER WIN!

 I wonder if this clown would tell metoo victims not to get Justice?

[alottamoney]

Lisa anon again.Thank you for for insightful answer.But - first things first- am I not a seer or what?You saw what happened with the BP debut on weVerse.WV "mistakenly" made a technical error that basically was free promotion of BP's debut .After they apologised saying "oops!" and corrected their "mistake".In short ARMY suddenly had BP in their following tag after they made their debut.They had to go to the BP page to leave manually.This is shaping out to be a very interesting turn of events considering BTS didn't/doesn't need BP for anything,whereas bp benefits all things good from this association.Lisa has been trending non-stop since her "supposed slip up" in JK's vlive.For BTS, Nothing but money can be gained from this association.They are at a stage where they should collaborate with independent Korean artists to not only uphold them,but for self enrichment as well.

To explain about my perceived after-effect of jikook,I have to talk about a key decision that V made,which is corroborated by other members as well(Suga,Jimin). Keeping his worklife and personal life separate.He considers BTS his work life.The friends are in Wooga squad,who were like unicorn to the members.If you go back in time this change came about from Fall 2018.You can see where I am going with this.

When you think about jikook,you think about jimin.I think by now it is general consensus that bighit promoted jikook to heavily promote jimin.I don't know if I can write so much here but I am trying to provide you with the short version.I believe Taekook had disagreements about bts vs them very strongly in 2018 which was about which should they focus on more.Coupled with the fact that now they were quite openly a pair in front of the members and key company people,they were under pressure not to neglect their professional commitment.I had a hunch before that Jungkook struggled with this a lot.He confirmed it for me(supplemented by My Time and his 'all of my life' cover) when he suggested a story "The herdsmen and the weaver",which is a sad love story of two people who fell in love,but due to them neglecting their chores,were banished by the king who allowed them to see each other only once a year.The king wanted to teach them a lesson. I think bunny drowned himself with work to numb the pain.While Taehyung who didn't have as much load as bunny,wanted the opposite.Jikook comes in here because jimin's schedule is almost as full as bunny's.Here,I sincerely believe, jimin exercised some behaviour regarding Taekook's relationship,which Tae didn't like,and later the members would react negatively to it too.Jimin is a strict person regarding his work ethic.Tae is an easy going intuitive person. I think Jimin was opposed to the idea of taekook in BTS's workspace due to his aforementioned work ethic.and don't forget that jikook was ongoing too,which obviously Tae would've preferred would happen with less "intensity" shall we say.I have seen angry Tae during jikook moments and I have also seen Jimin noticing that and smirking.He didn't take it seriously but it's safe to assume that Tae was serious.It's interesting that jikook could converse and have flirty talking and Tae would be fine.But the extreme physical ones would rearrange his face. On the professional front, he was not being heard and recognized which was just a mess.

With the other members it too was easy to see.They started getting irritated with jikook for 1. BTS is not only jikook.But for a time it seemed only they were the bts.The others were just there.Jikook and co. It did not suit with other members. 2. They did not like jimin in taekook situation.I remember around that time Taekook were extremely hot and cold.And from that time(late 2018- early 2019) , vmin never seemed the same.There was a time when in interviews /place where Jikook was happening,RM and Jin would look from Tae to jikook I kid you not.It wasn't about romance.But couples are gonna fight and makeup.That's the rule of the universe.If you are picking sides in fights just remember after a while they are gonna be together and you are going to feel like shit.

Relationships that changed that you cannot deny no matter how much you look at it : 1. Suga-Jimin - Suga had a real softcorner for Jimin.Extreme is the right word.But now it is not like before.Instead Suga became extremely protective of V.

2. Jin- Jimin - I don't know what happened but again Jin has bonded with Tae for some time.Jin has had a great relationship with Jimin but now it's not reflected in their demeanor.

3. Vmin- The biggest change.They are cordial with each other.But they are not bffs no matter how much they preach it.Tae has kept Jimin outside his boundary of personal life for quite some time.They are professional so it is not apparent to the newcomers.But ARMY have seen them grow up.

I struggled with one thing.Why would Jimin not think V's anger was serious being his "bff"?I have a feeling he thought of it as silly.Not going to lie I think other members thought of it too.They couldn't put themselves in V's shoes as 1.They lacked perspective of a male who was attracted to another male. 2.They lacked serious relationship experience in general.From 2019 things changed.You can sense that the members really started giving their relationship respect.I wonder how much of it is because they have started their own serious relationships.Jin is 30,RM Hobi Suga all are way older than Vminkook.Before they used to tease Taekook and thought of them as chaotic duo,but how their attitude towards them has changed!

I also think their personal romantic relationships have taught them Tae's emotion was not a silly matter.Some things you cannot help.They also think of JK as a bit immature at times but professionally he is the mature man with excellent work ethic.I think no matter what JK does, he is soft corner of every hyung.

The members now has solo successes.They are secure.But in 2018 they were suddenly getting superstardom and they weren't ready.Insecurity about their abilities made them wary.Jikook getting the forefront most of the time was not appreciated.Jimin's overly caring attitude towards bts's future also I think pissed the members off.At 30 you want to have a relationship.Someone to go back to.You cannot be like work work all the time just slaving away.Jimin would rather taekook focus on their work more.I know each people can choose how they prioritise but taekook didn't want to abide by it. The members too.I know Jimin encouraged JK about his work a lot but there is a difference between JK and Jimin here.JK wants to be independent from BTS.Not that he doesn't want to be in bts.But he wants to sing,dance the way he wants,not because he is told to.JK is trying very very hard to be independent and establish his singer-songwriter profile and he has done a marvellous job with it.In contrast Jimin focuses on BTS as a whole.The problem is BTS is 7.6 more independent mind than Jimin. Idk what is in the future so lets wait and see.

Lisa anon😊

I thought of you when the weverse incident happened. I still stick to my opinion that a Liskook collab will not be well received by the fandoms but if it does happen then I would like to hear less of how shippers are the reason Tae and Jungkook chose not to interact with each other and how BigHit facilitated the awkward co-workers by not showing them in content.

I try not to form any concrete opinions about the BTS dynamics because like I said earlier they don't reveal much and I don't believe what celebrities say in general, they have an image to maintain after all. I do like theorizing even though I call them analysis, I don't consider them true analysis as we don't know or see enough.

I too have noticed Tae being uncomfortable during certain Jikook moments. Another one of the reasons Taekook stand out to me; why care about what your estranged bandmate does and over fanservice, which is scripted, of all things. If I'm not wrong they also rehearse fanservice so it can't be the first time he's seen it unlike the audience unless Jimin is doing impromptu stuff. He could be doing it to tease and genuinely doesn't see the problem, like you said maybe they don't consider it serious because it is different from their own experience with relationships. I don't want to assume anyone had any ulterior motives, I'm sure some of them had reservations about Taekook but not beyond a point-I'm not a fan of the hyungs know/expose Taekook trope. As much drama as Taekook can provide I'm sure they had their own personal problems to deal with.

I think the problem with vminkook and to an extent the rest of BTS is that they started off at the same point of familiarity and Taekook suddenly getting “closer” might also make Jimin and the others feel left out or annoyed. For the same reason, it's possible Jimin doesn't even think he's breeching any boundaries, I don't know if that makes sense. I'm sure and like you also pointed out that most of them seem to have outgrown that.

I admit I haven't paid much attention to Jimin and Yoongi's relationship but everyone I talk to agrees that Yoongi has a soft spot for Jimin and some who have access to Korean side say that Jimin is mostly seen with Jin and Yoongi outside of work and not with Jungkook which is the popular perception. So maybe they were able to move past it.��

I agree about vmin. I never really gave importance to the soulmates/bff narratives. I consider these things part of fanservice and their stage personas much like Tae fanboying over Yoongi and Hobi, Jungkook saying Namjoon is his role model, or even Jungkook saying Tae brought him out of his shell. These might not be outright lies just one-liners that make it easier for fans and for themselves. The interesting thing about vmin is that no one needs much to believe that they're bffs (even vmin shippers seem to ship them as bffs lol) No one cares that they aren't spotted together, no one is out to debunk them because their dynamics changed, and no one is upset even when they interact. Very few popular ships are as non-contentious as vmin. If I had to pick a pair that did "drift apart" then I'd pick vmin (they still seem close all said and done). Pinpointing Jikook as the cause seems too easy. Tae and Jimin seem like people who don't have much in common that could be a reason.

In terms of Tae and Jikook: Apart from the company endorsement which may have inturn promoted Jimin. I don't blame Jimin completely for what Jikook brought about. Jungkook was an equal participant in the early years of Jikook. Again "blame" is a strong word as we don't know the exact status of Taekook's relationship around the time Jikook was being promoted. I don't think Jikook do anything over-the-top, just standard kpop fanservice with the difference being that BTS is hugely popular with an international audience who might not be exposed to this type of fanservice. I don't think Jikook are attracted to each other, nothing they have said or done makes me think otherwise. Tae's discomfort seems to be disproportionate to all the possible reasons we have listed so far and he seems fine when Jungkook does fanservice with other members, he himself seems fine indulging in fanservice. Some say Jungkook isn’t too fond of Taejin fanservice (🤷🏻‍♀️). This seems to be one of those things that can be categorized under Taekook Being Weird lol Maybe we'll find out in a few years.

Lastly, I think Jimin says things the fans want to hear (all of them do). So him "relying" on BTS could just be him pandering to fans and not because of lack of ambition or personal fulfillment.

I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts. You can message me or I can answer without posting your ask if you aren’t comfortable sharing controversial opinions.💜

[apocryphalfemme]

Designatory Date Night

Well, I lied.  I finally played Mass Effect: Andromeda a week or so back and I’m here to report that I love Vetra Nyx so completely that I was inspired to write some simply brain-rotting fluff.  (An entire two years ahead of schedule, I know!)  Und so, I give you Designatory Date Night.  Read it below the cut, or on AO3.

Love,

Clithroe

““Pathfinder?”

“Yeah, SAM?”

“If I may ask, what is it you’re thinking of doing?”

“I’m thinking...”  As she recalled her earlier train of thought, Ryder’s face lit up.  “I’m thinking I’ve got an idea for the best date night, ever.””

Or

Ryder leverages the privileges of her job to show Vetra a good time.

“Anwar, what the hell am I looking at?”

“It appears to be a... a solar system, Pathfinder,” Suvi murmured.  “The solar system, in fact.  I believe we’ve found Avaarus.”  Ryder drummed her fingers against her console, brimming with nervous anticipation. 

“But it’s in the middle of nowhere.  We’re not even in Heleus space anymore, right Kallo?” she asked.

“Confirmed, Pathfinder.  We’re in deep space, just a ways outside of home.  I should mention that the next known celestial cluster is the Boone Traverse and we’re not getting anywhere near there without a mass relay,” Kallo said.  “Whatever this is, it’s a lone entity.”

“So... what?” Ryder breathed, disbelieving.  “Heleus just lost an entire star and a handful of planets?  Did it wander off when the angara weren’t looking or something?” 

“Ryder,” Suvi piped up. “It’s possible that what we’re seeing here is one of the more dramatic effects of the Scourge.  If Avaarus really was originally located where angaran maps say, then the system may have been wholly ejected from the cluster as the Scourge spread.”  Their pilot chirped an incredulous noise.

“Is that even possible?”

“Come on Kallo, two whole years in Andromeda and you’re still asking questions like that?” Suvi teased.  Kallo cut back with something sarcastic, but Ryder wasn’t listening; her attention had been caught by what was orbiting their runaway star.

“Okay, no, that can’t be right.  Avaarus is supposed to have four orbiting bodies.  That,” she pointed, “is at least seven.”  That got their attention.  Kallo and Suvi’s conversation petered out as they each ran their own, individual counts of this bizarre, seemingly truant system.  Kallo was first to break the silence.

“With eyes alone, I’m actually counting nine, Pathfinder”

“I think I’m seeing thirteen,” Suvi reported.  SAM’s vox crackled to life over the bridge speakers, only to prove them all wrong.

“Pathfinder, there are at least sixteen distinguishable celestial bodies orbiting this star.”  Kallo gaped, shocked into silence.  Suvi giggled, a tad manic.  Ryder swore.

“Holy shit.  SAM, what… are they?  Where did they come from?”

“The majority appear to be planets in varying states of compositional decay, Pathfinder.  Preliminary scans indicate that many may have once been capable of bearing life.  Cross-referencing with what remains of old angaran star charts and the inferable ejection path of the star Avaarus, I believe it is possible that we have discovered what happened to several planets that the angara report as having mysteriously disappeared over the last several centuries.”

“Holy shit,” Ryder swore again, for good measure.  “So if this really is Avaarus… I guess our friend here decided it wasn’t going out alone, huh?  Stole a few planets on the way out the door.”

“Ryder, the implications of this are incredible,” Suvi babbled, ecstatic.  “We knew the Scourge was powerful, but to learn that it can generate gravitational effects significant enough to move entire stars… forget terraforming, this is stellaforming!”

“Tann’s going to have an aneurysm,” Ryder chuckled.

“Don’t forget why we’re here, guys.  We’ve still got a job to do,” Kallo said, gently reminding them of their purpose in hunting down this most elusive system.  

“Right, yes.”  Ryder ran a hand through her hair before tapping her mic.  “Jaal, can you come up to the bridge?  I think we may have found what we’ve been looking for.”  Their resident angaran’s voice crackled immediately back.

“Oh, really now?  Of course!  On my way, Ryder.”

“God, it isn’t half pretty, is it?” murmured Suvi, completely ignoring her instruments panel in favor of staring at the solar system projected before them with a slightly glazed look.  

Ryder had to admit that her science officer’s assessment was dead on: Avaarus was a gorgeous system and that was putting it lightly.  Around the titanic, vividly blue-white star, sharply violet shades of gas spiraled out in a tight corkscrew.  At the edge of the heliosphere, thousands upon tens of thousands of asteroids spun in a truly magnificent debris disk.  All throughout, a plethora of mostly ringed planets hung suspended in the void, bathed in astral gases, caught in the midst of their aeons-long cosmic dance.  It was a perfect celestial tableau.  The fact that Ryder had seen dozens of equally stunning systems did nothing to detract from the moment; this sort of thing was enough to steal the breath from your lungs and, for her, it still did, every time.

Vetra would love this, she thought.  Before that particular idea could go anywhere, however, the quiet reverie they had fallen into was interrupted by the opening whoosh of the bridge doors.

“Alright Ryder, show me what you’ve got!” Jaal called cheerily, sauntering up to them.  Ryder turned and grinned.

“Hey, Jaal.  Allow me to present, for your consideration... the long-lost Avaarus system!” she said, spinning back to fling her arms wide.  “Or at least, we think it is.”  Jaal laughed.

“It’s a start, to be certain.  Any luck in finding the colony?”

“Anj Guhloan was supposedly on the fourth planet from Avaarus, right?”

“Correct.”  Ryder hummed an acknowledgement and cast a critical eye upon the projection.

“Right, then.  SAM, scan everything that could be big enough for an angaran settlement to hide on.  With all the crap this star picked up on the way out, who knows if Avaarus IV is still where it should be.”  Only after the merest second of delay, her AI chirped his response.

“Done.  I have identified what may be the remains of an angaran satellite in orbit around the fifth planet.”

“Bingo.  Kallo, I know this place is a minefield, but can you get us in closer?”

“Oh, please,” Kallo scoffed.  “I could fly through this blindfolded.”

“As entertaining as that sounds, I’d rather not be on the ship while you attempted it,” Jaal protested.  Kallo chuckled to himself.

“Have it your way.  Approach vector clear, Pathfinder; taking us in.”  The ever-present hum of the drive core pitched up a little as Kallo wove through the debris disk and into the core of the heliosphere.  Ryder had to hand it to him: while he could be a little over-sure at times, he was, inarguably, a pilot of sterling quality.  The Tempest progressed at a healthy pace through a chunk of space so dense with detritus that a lesser navigator would have been reduced to crawl.  

It was only a few short minutes before they were close enough to the planet in question for Suvi to start taking more detailed scans.  Ryder was less than thrilled to see her science officer’s face falling as she pored over her gathered readings.

“That’s not a happy expression, Anwar.  What are you getting?”  Suvi muttered something unintelligible and tapped her mic to ping their AI.

“SAM, can you get me a scan of the star, please?”

“Of course, Ms. Anwar.”  As her eyes flicked across the new influx of data, Suvi spat something foul.

“Keep us in the loop, Suvi, what have you got?” Ryder asked.

“Bad news, I’m afraid.”  Suvi twisted in her seat to face them.  “It looks like the star Avaarus is well on its way to becoming a superluminous supernova; this system’s going to go off like a firecracker sometime in the next couple centuries.  Avaarus IV - or, Avaarus V now, I guess - if it ever really was Anj Guhloan, has been a molten, liquid hunk of rock for a long time now.  I’m sorry, guys.  The planet’s cooked.”  A hand pressed to her forehead, Ryder sighed.

“Damn.  I’m sorry, Jaal.  That is not the news I wanted to give the angara.”  She was surprised when Jaal smiled at her, apparently far less distraught than she had expected.

“Do not worry, my friend.  The angara, myself included, have accepted that, between the Scourge, the kett, and our own occasional stupidity, many of the settlements that once were are now undoubtedly gone.  Though I am disappointed the lost colony of Anj Guhloan was not waiting for us, I am thankful to have borne witness to its fate.  The angara who lived here will not be forgotten, for we now know what happened to them.”  Ryder smiled wistfully back.

“Well, I’m glad we could at least give you that.  SAM, send a report to Aya and update the Initiative’s maps.”  Ryder rolled her neck, eliciting a disconcerting crack in the process.  She groaned.  “And on that note, I think we’re done for the day.  Kallo, Suvi, go eat something and get some sleep.  And…” she trailed off as she checked her omnitool.  “Oh my god, guys, tell me when we’ve been going for longer than eight hours!”  Kallo and Suvi, now standing and working out their own muscular kinks, looked at her in surprise.

“I, uh… I didn’t notice, Pathfinder,” Kallo murmured.

“How long have we…?” Suvi asked.

“I believe you three have been up here flying for more than ten hours, actually.  Last I checked, that is,” Jaal said, grinning.  Head cradled in her hands, Ryder heaved another groan, this one infinitely more weary than the last.

“Then remind me instead to set an alarm next time, or something.  Alright, clear the bridge you lot, I’m going to get enough hell as it is from Lexi about overworking you.”

“Oh, come on, Ryder,” Kallo argued.  

Suvi cut over him, to say: “This is what we signed up for!”  Ryder pointed at the door, but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face.

“Out, now!  Food and then bed; we can poke around the system in more detail tomorrow.  Jaal, make sure they get some of that roast Drack made yesterday down their throats?”

“You’ve got it, Ryder.”  Saint that he was, Jaal gently but firmly shepherded her protesting bridge crew out and down to the galley.  The door slid shut behind them, leaving the Pathfinder by herself.  

Sometimes, you don’t realize how tired you are until you’ve a second to yourself; the newfound silence afforded Ryder both a blissful moment of recuperation and the recognition of the fact that she was, indeed, knackered.  She stretched her arms - damn, if she wasn’t stiff - and turned her attention back to the now rediscovered Avaarus system.  Exhausted as she was, she didn’t quite want to leave it yet, especially for something so trivial as sleep.  (Yes, she was entirely a hypocrite).  There was something equal parts forlorn and magical about watching the silver-blue star floating alone in the void; so far away from everything.  And yet, as if in defiance of its exile, Avaarus burned all the more beautiful.  Though, it wasn’t really alone, was it?  It had its stolen planets to comfort it through the coming explosion.  In much the same way as the ultimate fate of Anj Guhloan was beheld by Jaal, so too would the fate of Avaarus be beheld by its stolen audience.  It was a strangely reassuring thought.  As she gazed at the plethora of elliptical orbiters, a thought occurred to her.

“Hey, SAM.”

“Yes, Ryder?”

“What’s the plan for these planets?”

“Initiative protocol dictates that they be scanned, designated, and marked on Initiative maps.  Planets of note - those that could be potentially habitable or those with valuable resources - will be highlighted and the relevant officials made aware of their existence.  In the case of these particular planets, considering they are molten slag bar none and located a significant distance from the Heleus cluster, it is unlikely the Initiative will take any interest beyond the academic.  There may be some investigation into the stellaforming effects of the Scourge, as Ms. Anwar puts is it, but that is where it will likely end.”

“So this is as far as things go for them, huh?  At least, as far as we’re concerned?”

“That is correct, Pathfinder.  The Initiative has more immediate concerns.”

“That’s kind of sad.  Something so beautiful deserves a bit more attention than... wait, SAM, what exactly are these planets being designated?”

“I have tagged the orbiting bodies, in order, as H-977, H-978, H-979a, H-979b, H-.”  Before he could get too far into his alphanumeric monologue, Ryder cut him off.

“Okay, right, thanks SAM.”  Chewing at the inside of her cheek, she stared off into space, thoughtful.

“Pathfinder?”

“Yeah, SAM?”

“If I may ask, what is it you’re thinking of doing?”

“I’m thinking...”  As she recalled her earlier train of thought, Ryder’s face lit up.  “I’m thinking I’ve got an idea for the best date night, ever.”

“Ah.  I believe I understand.  Would you like me to ask Ms. Nyx to come up to the bridge?”

“Nah, I’ll go grab her.”  Ryder turned around and made for the door, but was arrested in her escape by SAM once more.

“Have fun, Ryder.”  Ryder beamed.

“Thanks, buddy.”  

With a hop, skip, and a slap to the face to keep herself awake, Ryder was away.  She didn’t bother with the ladder to the lower deck - as she jogged onto the clear plex of the catwalk, she unceremoniously jumped off the side to land on the ground below.  A combination of her biotics and sleep deprivation was enough to negate the jarring impact entirely and in the span of a heartbeat, she was off down the hall.  As she hustled past the med bay, she caught at the very edge of her vision Lexi’s head poking out to investigate the noise.

“Ryder, what on earth did you just-.”

“No time, doc!  Everything’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Ryder, you know full well that your telling me not to worry about something only ever makes me worry more!”  But Ryder was gone and heading into the cargo bay before Lexi could get too far into giving a proper scolding.  Lucky for her, it looked like just about everyone else was asleep - no one was around to see her eager jog over to what had become Vetra’s office.  

Slowing to a stop, Ryder took a moment to catch her breath.  She didn’t want to look excessively keen - though in a committed relationship she and Vetra may have been, she still had a calm and collected reputation to maintain.  It didn’t matter that Vetra knew it all to be, by and large, a conscious affect: it was the principle of the thing.  The Pathfinder was always composed - even in the face of giddying affection.  Once she had herself together, Ryder headed in.  The door slid open to reveal Vetra hunched over a mess of crates.  She was, quite impressively, stacking them with just the one hand while simultaneously checking them against the list projected on her omnitool, all while muttering obscenities under her breath.  Ryder crossed her arms and leaned against the frame, indulging in having caught her partner unawares and in her element.  Vetra was much more relaxed when other people - Ryder aside - weren’t around and it gave Ryder a sort of tender joy to see her so at ease.  But of course, such sappy sentiments would never stop her from teasing her girlfriend, not at all.  As Vetra straightened back up, Ryder announced her presence in as serious a tone as she could fake.

“Ms. Nyx, your assistance is urgently required on the bridge.”  Vetra turned around to meet Ryder’s gaze, crossing her own arms in the process.

“Is it now, Pathfinder?” she said, with a poorly constrained smile.  

“Indeed.  Life and death situation; fate of the cluster at stake.  The usual.”

“Mmm, I’m sure.  Unfortunately for you, Ryder, it just so happens that I’m currently having the time of my life processing requisitions.  Can your little ‘situation’ measure up to the sheer euphoria of cataloguing rolls of toilet paper?”  Vetra deadpanned the statement so completely that Ryder found herself staring at her partner in disbelief, mouth dropping.  Vetra, clearly delighting in Ryder’s bewilderment, had the gall to wink at her.  Too tired to retort, Ryder finally broke.  She sprang forward, proffering a hand and letting all her excitement shine past the bit.

“Oh my god, come on already, you silly turian, I want to show you something!”  Vetra smiled in turn and reached out to take said hand.

“Yeah, alright, I was getting pretty sick of checking for delivery discrepancies anyway.  So what have you - whoah!”  As soon as she had a hold on her, Ryder tugged Vetra into a jog, pulling her out of the office and around onto the cargo lift.  She punched the ascent and the thing began its slow, clunky climb.  Unfortunately, slow and clunky was something of an understatement; Ryder found herself tapping her foot with impatience as they rose ploddingly.

“Excited, are we?” Vetra poked.

“Trust me, babe, you’re going to love this.”  

“If it’s whatever’s responsible for you smiling like this, then I’m sure I will.”  Vetra slung an arm around Ryder’s shoulders, who in turn threw an arm around Vetra’s waist; overt affection came more easily when they were alone.  Additionally, being wrapped around each other had the added benefit of slowing Ryder down a bit: pulled close to Vetra’s side, she was forced to adopt a slightly more sane pace as they made their way back through the ship and up to the bridge.  Ryder didn’t mind.  It was totally worth trading speed for.  When they eventually came up on the bridge doors, Ryder called a halt before they could enter.

“Okay, close your eyes.”

“Seriously?”

“Hey, I did it that time you tried to kill me with a blackened piece of cow.”

“Fair point.”

“Look, I’d cover them for you if I could, but I can’t help the fact that you’re absurdly tall.”  Vetra grinned evilly down at her.

“Well, I can’t help the fact that you’re a shrimp.  And don’t pretend you don’t love it, short stack.”

“Yeah, I do, now close ‘em, Nyx!” Ryder muttered, her face flushing a little as Vetra eyed her.  Apparently sufficiently appeased, her partner deigned to close her eyes.  Ryder guided her temporarily sightless charge through the doors and to the fore of the bridge.  With her implant, she signaled SAM to collapse the navigation panel and guided Vetra to sit on the now available ledge before joining her by her side.

“Okay, you can open your eyes.”  Vetra did so and promptly gasped.

“Oh, wow.”

“Right?”

“That’s...”

“Right?!”

“Hot damn, Ryder.  That’s gorgeous.”  Ryder hummed an affirmation, thoroughly pleased with herself.  “You know how to pick ‘em, babe.”

“What can I say?  I’ve got exceptional taste in star systems.”  Vetra elbowed her affectionately.  

“You sure do.”

“So... do you wanna name them?”  Vetra spluttered, incredulously amused.

“Be serious.”

“I am serious!”

“Ryder, is that even something you’re allowed to do?”

“Aw, c’mon, I’m the Pathfinder.  If anyone can get away with naming a couple of planets, I think it’s me.”

“You’re ridiculous.”  Vetra shook her head, but Ryder knew she just about had her.  Her partner just needed the right incentive.

“I’m giving you dibs on naming the first one.”  That got her.  Vetra opened her mouth to speak, closed it again, and peered curiously into space.

“Which one’s that?”  Ryder snorted and pointed.

“Purple-blue ice giant with the three moons, very edge of the heliosphere.”

“Oh, you spoil me.”

“I try.  So, give us a name!  What are you thinking?”

“Hmm.  I’m thinking… Not Dead Yet.”  Ryder stifled a chuckle.  

“Why that?”

“Looks like it’s almost been ejected from the system, but the big bastard’s clinging on something fierce.”

“A name the Initiative can relate to, I’m sure.”

“That’s the idea.  Alright, your turn, oh mighty Pathfinder.  What’re we going to call that one?”  The planet in question was a chthonian-in-progress; a gas giant in close orbit to Avaarus, its emerald-colored atmosphere in the process of being stripped away to reveal the molten aluminum-iron core.

“Stinky.”  Vetra burst out laughing.

“What?! You’re messing with me.”

“Look at it!  That thing is trailing bright green gas like no one’s business.”

“Ryder, I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty certain that’s burning atmosphere.”

“Yeah and it’s stinking up the neighborhood as it goes.”  Vetra heaved a much-put upon sigh, but the breadth of her toothy turian grin and the fluttering of her mandibles betrayed her amusement.

“Alright, fine.  Stinky it is.  Which one next?”

“That one.  Whatcha got?”  The planet Ryder was indicating was another gas giant, though this one was significantly prettier than the newly-dubbed Stinky.  Ivory clouds of gas billowed across it, cut though with the occasional twisting carmine storm.  It was a bloody, alabaster gem, stark against the black.  Vetra considered it thoughtfully.

“Would I sound crazy if I said it kind of looks like my sister?”

“Y’know... no, I see it, it kind of does.”  Ryder and Vetra gave each other a dubious, slant-eyed look at exactly the same time and erupted in giggles.

“Spirits, babe, Sid’s going to flip if I tell her I named a planet after her!”

“All the more reason to do it!”  Vetra huffed.

“Screw it.  Planet, I dub thee Sidera.”

“She’ll be thrilled.”  Falling victim to a yawn of massive proportions, Ryder leaned her head against Vetra’s shoulder and fought to keep her eyes open.  “Go on, you can do the next one too.”  Vetra cast her eyes around the system, searching for her next victim.

“How about that protoplanet?” she asked.  As Ryder murmured her sleepy approval, Vetra curled an arm around her.  “Well, as long as I’m being all sentimental… Prag’rath.”  Ryder scrunched her nose in confusion.

“Prag’rath?”

“The batarian mercenary who taught me to shoot.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.”

“She’d kick my ass for it.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”  Though there were yet planets in need of names, tiredness and the sheer splendor of the system had Vetra and Ryder lapsing into a warm and comfortable silence, pressed close together.  The Avaarus system slowly and silently spun before them, its striking beauty framed by the stars so incredibly remote in the distance.

“Is this something normal couples do?” Ryder asked.  Vetra peered down at her.

“Naming planets?  I mean... no, probably not.”  Vetra brought Ryder’s hand up to her lips, pressing a kiss to the back of it.  “But I’d like to think it’s very us.  This was a lot of fun, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m glad.”  Ryder settled further against her partner and finally stopped fighting the exhaustion of the day, letting her eyes droop shut.  Though already half-asleep, she whispered, “Vetra?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I love you.”  The last things Ryder registered before finally succumbing to sleep were the pale, sparkling light of Avaarus and Vetra’s voice, murmuring in her ear.

“I love you too.”

[sanderssideswriting]

Youtuber Life Chapter 1

Based off this post

Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

first  next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

The house was pretty big, it wasn't where most youtuber houses where but it also wasn’t to far. Remy was already vlogging about the new house.

“This is my new house, there will be a house tour later, this time I’ll be making sure you guys can’t find it. I love y’all but I don’t love it when people find out where I live and then put it on the internet. I like my privacy, well the little I have left and I’d like to keep it that way. See you soon babes,” and the camera was turned off.

the first thing they set up was the basement, where Remy filmed almost everything with another room to do voiceovers and editing.

Virgil and Remy had a pretty good time decorating the house and it turned out really nice.

Then school started.

Virgil was dreading it, to say the least, he did NOT want to be the new kid. Being the new id sucks, everyone wants to know everything about you. And Virgil tended to avoid talking about his personal life for obvious reasons. But the kids at his school wouldn’t know that.

Then he found out it would be private school.

“Dad! There’ll be fake stoners! They’re worse then real stones! Plus everyone will be stuck up and annoying! I’ll have to wear a uniform!” He complained.

“They have a Starbucks in the cafeteria,” Remy said.

Virgil shut up.

The first day of school came and Virgil did indeed have to wear a uniform, it wasn’t that terrible, but he still hated it simply because it was a uniform.

At school he was given his schedule and a map and left to find his own way to class. He was only ten minutes late to the first one and five minute to every one after that.

At lunch there was no Starbucks apart from stuff in bottles, Virgil bought two anyway but  texted his dad.

V: you lied about the Starbucks Remy: Technically they DO have Starbucks V: not the good kush Remy: It’s cold and it has caffeine and the logo V: you’d never drink it Remy: I can afford not to V: so can I, just can’t get any atm Remy: pay attention in class V: it’s lunch Remy: make friends! Or like idk make a sarcastic tweet on Twitter, apparently texting your dad isn’t very cool with the kids these days V: it would be if they knew that YOU’RE my dad Remy: go drink coffee or something, I need to edit

“Hey! You’re new right?” A boy with light brown hair and round glasses asked sitting down.

Virgil nodded.

“I’m Patton Foster and this is Logan Berry, our other friend Roman Prince is coming he’s meeting with a teacher,” Patton said.

“Virgil Sanders,” Virgil said.

Patton and Logan seemed to take that as their queue to sit down with him.

“Where did you move from?” Patton asked.

“Atlanta.”

“Cool! Why did you move here?” Patton asked trying to make conversation.

“My dads job,” Virgil said.

His phone buzzed, he best friend Janus and Remus had snapped him.

It was a basic snap saying “how’s LA treating you? See Jake Paul yet?”

Virgil texted them back.

Racoon: lol not yet, but I’m sure it’ll be soon Hiss hiss motherfucker: yeah, they’re like an infestation Raccoon: ouch Dukey: How’s the Starbucks at your fancy rich kid school? Racoon: A fucking lie, at this rate I’ll be drinking the bang they have Hiss hiss motherfucker: ew, no don’t Racoon: I know Dukey: Seen any stoners or druggies yet? Racoon: saw a few fake ones, including one kid asking everyone if they’d sell him their Adderall Dukey: weakass stoners Racoon: you have ADHD not a drug problem Remus, you’re not a stoner Dukey: I could be Hiss hiss motherfucker: well you’re not, so shut the fuck up Hiss hiss motherfucker: there’s a new pallet coming out in a few weeks... Racoon: Not doing it, it’ll be hard enough to get one, get your own Hiss hiss motherfucker: at least tell me how you LAWAYS get them Racoon: lol no

Janus sent a lovely picture of his middle finger

Virgil did the same, but with his face in it.

“Hey, you’re the new kid right?” Another guy said sitting down, Roman probably.

“Unfortunately, Virgil Sanders.”

“Roman Prince, your name sounds familiar,” Roman said.

Virgil shrugged “no idea why,”

“Where are you from?”

“Atlanta, isn’t that cool Roman!” Patton said.

“That’s how I know you! My twin Remus Duke, I think he’s told me about you before,” Roman said.

Virgil took a picture of Roman and sent it to Remus.

Racoon: you know him? Dukey: yeah, he’s my twin, why? Racoon: first of all you have a TWIN? I thought you where an only child. Dukey: child of divorce here, yeah we still talk. Small world ig Racoon: and you told him about me? Dukey: yeah, so? Or are you to stuck up to have people talk about you? Racoon: fuck off, or I’ll do your channel next Disgrace Dukey: try me bitch

“Yeah no, your right, Remus just didn’t say he was a fucking twin for some reason,” Virgil said.

Roman looked pretty offended at that. Virgil smirked “now I know why Remus says ‘offended princey noises’ all the time.”

“That fiend says what?” Roman demanded.

“Don’t hurt yourself Princey.”

The bell rang and Virgil made a quick exit.

At home he got in and saw the Filming light by the basement door was on. He opened the door anyway. “Has the espresso machine been unpacked? Also you fucking lied! There was no Starbucks!”

“Filming! Read the fucking sign, of course it was unpacked and it’s your fault for thinking it was a rich, rich kid school. Why the fuck would they have an actual Starbucks in the cafeteria? What did you learn today? And get me some espresso if you’re going to make some.”

“Fake stoners are worse then real stoners and they can go fuck themselves,” Virgil said before closing the door to get some espresso, which he promptly mixed into his coffee.

“People have been begging me to do an update on this so here it is. Trisha Paytas and DID, sorry it hasn’t been done yet but I’ve been getting new equipment and also moving stuff around so I can have a bigger space to edit and record. So we all know she’s faking, I’ve actually been doing research, not a ton, I’m not an expert but I have been learning. Not only to debunk Trisha but just understand DID more because I’m very uneducated and want to change that. DID is a very serious condition and Trish is not portraying it well or even describing it, she is describing things everyone does. Such as living in America and going to England, everyone’s accent naturally changes over time, you act differently around people. Those are not alters, that has nothing to do with DID. Let’s get into the video so I can correct more but not everything because I’m not an expert. “That’s it for today, I can’t take anymore stupidity so I’ll see you next week for another episode of “What the fuck did she say now?”

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Part Forty-Four

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum​

A/N: trigger warnings for mentions of suggested abortion

Amara flopped down on her couch. Cin was still with Renee, which- well, it sucked. She missed her mate. And she needed help getting rid of all their shitty furniture so she could let him buy some better furniture for the better apartment she was planning on moving to. As soon as she found one anyway.

She was still laying there, staring at the ceiling, when she heard Nik come in the door. “What happened to your door?” He asked.

“Ash. Shut it behind you.”

“No.”

When she levered herself upright, he was setting the piece of plywood she was using as a door against the wall. “You’ll let in a breeze, dickhead,” she said, flopping back with a groan.

“Good,” Nik said. “Maybe it’ll get rid of the charred wood smell.”

“Not my problem much longer. I’m moving.” Amara threw an arm over her eyes. “Hopefully.”

When Nik didn’t speak, or move closer, Amara groaned loudly. After sitting up, she crossed her legs, peering at how Nik’s arms were folded across his chest.

“Come, sit on the shitty couch I plan on replacing.”

“Why are you leaving?”

Amara squinted. “I’ll tell you if you sit down,” she wheedled.

“When were you going to tell me Destris was dead?”

Guilt pricked at Amara, but she lifted her chin stubbornly. “Sit, and then we talk.”

“No. You lied to me.”

“When?” Amara asked, spine straightening.

“I thought you were done not telling me the truth.”

“Not like I’ve been around much to tell you anything.” When she looked at Nik, he looked close to tears. “Seriously. Sit. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why tell me now?”

“Because you’re here, dumbass. And no one’s here to interrupt me this time.” She patted the couch insistently.

“Name calling is not going to work in your favor,” he said, pursing his lips.

“Name calling is my way of showing love and you know it.” Amara leaned back. “I was afraid to fail again. I wasn’t going to put you through that. Besides, I was on a tight schedule. I killed him quick. I had to. I needed his soul. And I felt like shit for bailing on you, but- I needed Lev back. You needed him.” She screwed her face up. “And then Cameron kicked me out of the house.”

Nik gave a grim little smile. “Everyone needs Lev,” he said. He sat down on the couch, facing away from her.

“Yeah well, you were kind of out of commission without him. I need my best friend functional. Or as close to it as you usually are.”

“Doesn’t excuse the fact you lied to me. Again.”

“Right. Next time I’ll drop everything I’m doing on a time sensitive mission and tell you what i'm doing.” She crossed her arms. “I wasn’t trying to leave you out of the loop. That’s not a lie. Shit just happened fast, and then Cameron pushed me out of the house, and I haven’t seen much of you since.”

Nik got up with a muttered, “Whatever.”

“Hey, no,” Amara said, jumping to her feet and grabbing his wrist. “Wait. Please. You’re here. Please. Let’s talk, now that you’re here.”

Nik pursed his lips, clearly thinking about it, before he flopped back down. “Speak.”

“Cyrus said the spell we tried didn’t bother to offer anything in exchange.” Amara tipped her head back. “He’s the one who thought of killing Destris. He killed Lev, he should die. So I killed him. Cameron wouldn’t come, which. I expected. He’s got baggage I don’t think anyone wants to unpack. I wish I could have dragged it out, but I was afraid of Destris getting away if I toyed with him. So I gutted him when he opened his front door. Cameron wouldn’t let me stay while they did the magic. So I came over and cried on you, but you know that. And then we spent days waiting for Lev to wake up, and that’s all I could think about at the time.”

She paused, touched his shoulder. “I’ve been ignoring you,” She finally said. “Worse than usual. And that’s not fair.”

“You didn’t kill him fast enough.” Nik’s voice broke. He curled into the couch, looking away.

“Noted for next time.” Amara hesitated. She leaned against him, closing his eyes. “Hey. I won’t apologize. You hate those. But. I’ll try to be a better friend.”

Nik stared into the couch blankly. Silent tears slipped down his cheeks. “I’m pregnant,” he finally said, voice cracking. “He’s the father.”

Oh. Amara had no idea what to say. “You keeping it?” She finally asked.

“I don’t know.”

Amara considered him. “You don’t have to, you know. If you don’t want to.”

“You mean not carry a sadist’s spawn in my weird omega uterus? Yeah, I’m aware.”

“Plenty of angels are weird about abortions. Won’t even say the stupid word. It really is an option.”

“If i want to get an abortion, I will. I just don’t know what I want.”

Amara considered that. “Okay,” she finally said. “Whatever you decide, it’s the right decision.”

Nik gave her a really tired look. “Okay,” he said dryly. “Thank you, Ash.”

“Ouch,” Amara said, smacking his shoulder. “Take that back right now.”

Nik curled into the couch and rested his head on the back cushion. “What, exactly,” he said, “is Cameron going to say when he finds out I slept with his brother of all people? Cameron puts up with a lot of my shit, but he’s not going to put up with this. Not Destris.”

Amara considered him. “Cameron isn’t going to do anything,” she said. “It’s Destris.”

“Destris did not come onto me,” he said. “I came onto him. I went to him for the drugs and I was more than willing to let him fuck me- and knot me. Even if it’s Destris, I am not Destris, and… this kid sure as hell isn’t either.”

“You went to Destris?” Amara frowned. “You knew it was Destris, and you went to him anyway?”

“No I did not know it was Destris,” Nik said, irritably. “But that doesn’t mean shit.”

“Kinda think it means everything,” Amara said. “If you don’t know who you’re fucking, how the hell do you consent.”

Nik’s eyes narrowed in thought. “Easily. With my mouth. And ass apparently.”

Amara rolled her eyes. “No.” She said. She poked his cheek. “Not how consent works, dumbass.” She leaned against him, and sighed. “But I’m not going to change your mind. I know that. Just... know Cameron will understand.”

“Sure he will,” Nik said. “Because Cameron is capable of forgiveness or empathy or literally anything else on any form of emotional spectrum. Not to mention we already have one kid in the house that he wanted to kill the moment he laid eyes on. And that kid isn’t even a hybrid.”

Amara nodded. “Cameron is just a freak of nature who doesn’t feel shit normally. But I know it’ll work out. I just know.” She tapped her temple.

“Since when were you an optimist?” Nik demanded, voice cracking. “Ugh, stars. I am so sick of crying.” Nik wiped hastily at his tears, his glower faltering. “I’m a horrible person.” he closed his eyes. “Lev literally just got brought back from the dead and I’m pissed off everyone cares more about him than me.”

Amara shrugged. “You’re allowed to be selfish. And everyone will stop fawning over him soon enough. Or, as much. Everyone fusses over Lev. You do, I bet. If you need more attention, more love, more- whatever, ask for it. You know no one will mind. You deserve it too.”

“Do I?” Nik asked, silent tears slipping down his face. He palmed his eyes, sniffling. “I’ve been selfish my entire life,” he said “Now I’m just being an asshole. Not like I was just brutally murdered and then necromancied back into life.”

“You are,” Amara said. “Now go be selfish, or I’ll tattle to Lev and Cameron that you're not getting enough attention that you need.”

“I decided to go out and get high and completely blow off everyone, making Cameron turn into a skeleton, Lev try to make me stay dead and everyone try to handle me. I’ve been nothing but selfish and smothered and now I want erven more attention and it’s even worse because Lev doesn’t remember anything and now I’m pregnant and if i say a word to anyone about it, especially Lev, then he’s going to try to bend over backwards to parent me and Cameron’s going to hate me, even more than he already does, and Nate’s going to get even weirder about me being in Cameron’s house and-” Nik’s mouth snapped shut and he took a deep breath. “Point is, being selfish is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

Amara sighed. “I don’t know how to logic you out, Nik. You'll have to find someone else to do that, but I’ll always be here for you. Cheesy as that sounds. If you can't be selfish around anyone else, then, be selfish around me.”

Nik blinked rapidly, scrubbing his face before moving over to lean against her. His entire body trembled with barely suppressed tears while she put her arm around him. He sniffled. “You’re annoying,” he finally said, petulantly.

“It's my job,” Amara replied. “You wanna stick around a bit longer?”

“Yeah,” Nik sighed against her.

---

With Nik gone for the day, Lev was stuck in bed, though at least Cameron was there. In the chair. Out of arms reach. Lev lasted an hour, ignoring the vague ache pulsing through him, before he cracked.

“Cam?” Lev asked.

“Hm?”

“It hurts,” Lev admitted. “I- can you hold me?” He was quick to add, “I can sit in your lap if you still want to read, but- not being touched… hurts.”

“Sure,” Cameron said eventually. He settled more comfortably, and then shifted so Lev’d have room.

Lev wobbled the few steps it was to Cameron’s lap, and curled in immediately. Cameron pulled a blanket around Lev, and started to play with Lev’s hair absently as he read. Slowly the ache faded, and Lev sighed softly into Cameron’s neck.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

“Mmmhmm,” Cameron replied.

“I guess we should let Ash know… I didn’t realize… I didn’t know it hurt like that. Nik hasn’t let me go since he arrived.”

After a few seconds, Cameron said, “Nik will be back soon.”

Lev nodded. He knew that. And he didn’t begrudge Nik his time away. “I like time with you too,” Lev said. “I like it when you hold me. I feel safe.”

“All you have to do is ask.”

“I know. That’s the hard part.” Lev pressed a shy kiss to Cameron’s cheek. “I’ll work on it.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

Lev snorted softly, and snuggled back into Cameron. “You haven’t changed much.”

“I’ve been at work. I’ve been too busy.”

“That sounds about right.” Lev absently traced Cameron’s collarbone. It stuck out more than he remembered, and he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Cameron went back to reading, but Lev didn’t mind. His alpha’s hand was still playing with his hair, and Lev was content to let him.

Lev had dozed off by the time Nik came home. Lev only stirred when he ehared Cameron tell Nik… something about dinner. That was enough Lev’s head shot up, peering blearily around.

“Nik?” Lev asked, finally focusing on his boyfriend.

Nik gave him a tired smile. “Hi.”

Lev scrambled clumsily out of Cam’s lap, and wrapped himself around Nik tightly. “How was it?” He mumbled.

Nik wrapped his arms around Lev’s waist. “Amara was being Amara, as usual.”

“A little annoying, and not really helpful, but you feel a little better anyway?”

“Yeah. Exactly that,” Nik said.

“She’s good at that.” Lev pulled away, long enough to flop on the bed wearily. “Nap with me?”

“Yeah,” Nik promised, joining him. “That sounds nice.”

---

Lev had sent the sentries back for proper pillows twice, though he wouldn’t give back the others. He tucked them around Nik, though he tossed a few chosen to the floor. Nik didn’t offer to help, and just watched Lev sleepily. Lev took several breaks, and napped frequently.

He occasionally took small laps around the room. As long as he didn’t stray too long, Nik just waited for him in bed. Lev poked around in the adjoining bathroom, puttered around in the walk in closet. He dragged several pillows in there with him, and one of the extra blankets, too. He left them there, out of the way, and crawled back in bed with Nik once again.

Nik tugged Lev close. “If you keep getting out of bed, you’re going to get in trouble,” Nik mumbled.

“You’re with me,” Lev said. “I’m supervised. And I don’t stay long.”

“I see you’re going to drag me under the bus with you.”

Lev burrowed close. “I didn’t mean to. I- I can stay in bed.” He touched Nik’s cheek lightly, and then, “I’ll try anyway. I’m supposed to try to walk a bit.”

Nik whined at him, and curled into Lev.

Lev stroked his hair. “I’ll stay,” he promised, more firmly this time. He pressed a hesitant kiss to Nik’s forehead. To Lev’s delight, Nik began to purr softly.

Lev settled deeper in the bed, and closed his eyes. Before he knew it, he was dead asleep, one hand fisted in Nik’s shirt.

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @idreamonpaper @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @caelisis

[wildriverinthesky]

She Never Cried In Front Of Me Serena x Darien Usagi x Mamoru

Part One

Serena turned her head toward the wall trying to hide her reaction as she stood there in absolute shock with her mouth hanging open and her eyes blown wide. She desperately tried to compose herself and was finally able to get her reaction under control. She then turned her face back towards, whatever her name was, and smiled. She proceeded to lean against Darien and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek while his arm wrapped around her waist.

Darien addressed Serena and said, "Darling, this is Trista from my biology class."

Serena was glad she had put on an outfit that made her look older today. She smiled and said, "Hello Trista. I'm so glad to meet you."

Trista looked put out and that caused Serena to suspect she had a crush on Darien. That resulted in an even bigger smile and she then caressed his arm that was wrapped around her. Bingo she thought as she saw Trista's eyes zoom in on her hand.

Darien seemed relaxed when he asked Trista, "So what brings you to the Arcade today? I haven't seen you here before."

Trista tried to rally her courage, "I was wondering if you were going to the picnic the department is throwing. I was hoping you would…."

Darien cut her off and looked at Serena, "You did say your schedule was open that day, right?" Serena nodded. "Fabulous." He then turned to look at Trista, "Yes, I am going. I am sure we will see you there."

Trista gave him a tight smile and muttered, "Great. I have to head off to meet my study group." And then she quickly exited the Arcade.

As soon as Trista was out of sight Serena skipped over to the counter and then sat on a stool. "Andrew, I would like a burger with fries and a strawberry milkshake." She then pointed back at Darien. "And he is paying for it!"

"Oh, I am?" Darien replied. "What makes you think that?"

"I did you a favor by being your fake girlfriend." She smiled and pretended to simper, "Right, daaarling?"

"Fine Andrew, put it on my bill with a cup of coffee, regular." Darien laughed and smiled at Serena.

Serena smiled and hopped off the stool and quickly went over to her usual table to wait for the rest of her friends.

Andrew shook his head as he put the order in. "You do realize she will have to go to the picnic with you if you don't want Trista asking you out, right?"

Darien's face fell. "Shoot, I didn't think of that. Great, what am I going to owe her for that?"

"You could just ask her to be your girlfriend for real and then you wouldn't owe her anything." Andrew hoped he had caught Darien off guard.

Apparently, he had. Darien replied, "Psht! Like she would go out with me." He paused and realized what he had just said. "What I meant to say was that we would never date each other."

Andrew rolled his eyes and walked off to bring Serena her milkshake and food.

Darien sat watching them as he heard the door open and someone that he didn't recognize walked in. He wouldn't have even registered the arrival if the new guy hadn't seen Serena, smile and then walked over to her.

Andrew walked back over behind the counter and they both watched the boy seemingly gather up his courage and walk over to Serena. Darien shook his head and gave a small chuckle. He didn't stand a chance of her saying yes.

Darien's eyes then shot open when he saw her nod to the newcomer and write something down and hand it to him. The boy smiled and tucked it in his pocket and exited the Arcade smiling.

"So, Serena how much did you have to pay him to ask you out on your first date?" Darien asked her feeling very uncomfortable about what just happened.

Serena rolled her eyes at him and picked up a fry and ate it. "Hardly a first date in any way. I have dated before and this wouldn't be the first time I went on with him." She then picked up another fry smiled and then ate it.

Darien faltered in his reaction. "You have gotten some poor guy to go out with you? Yikes, what is the world coming to?"

She chuckled and shook her head, "You realize you should be being nice to me. I still haven't actually agreed to go to that picnic with you yet and Trista has shown so much determination to get you to go out with her that she tracked you down here. How funny will it be when she realizes you don't have a girlfriend and she knows this is your favorite hangout. I can just picture it now." She said dramatically, "You sneaking around and dodging her every time you want a cup of coffee or want to visit your best friend." She shook her head in mock pity. "I will be able to stop spending my money on Sailor V games, I will be able to enjoy the free show."

"I would still have it better than that poor guy that you suckered into dating you," he snarked at her.

Andrew shook his head and Darien went back to his coffee.

Serena quickly finished her food and shake and then picked up her school bag. "Andrew, when the girls show up please let them know I forgot I had to run an errand for my mom. I will catch them later." She made her way to the door and yelled, "Bye!"

Andrew wanted to hit Darien, "You are an ass, you do know that, right?"

Serena quickly walked away from the Arcade and turned the corner and looked behind her. She didn't see anyone she recognized. She then darted into an alley and hid behind a dumpster as tears started to fall. She hoped Darien didn't ask her friends about Bobby, they wouldn't know the story she made up. She tried to calm herself, but the tears kept falling.

Once she finally managed to calm down and collect herself, she pulled out her compact. She swiped some powder around her eyes to hide her crying. She then noticed her eyes were still puffy, so she pulled out her sunglasses and put them on. It wasn't quite sunny enough out for them; they would work however to hide that she had been crying.

She looked around and made her way back onto the sidewalk and headed towards the park. She wanted to relax and take it easy before she ran into anyone. She heard her text notifications and looked at her cellphone. She read it and replied that, yes, she could meet Bobby and the others to work on their group project Saturday.

Part Two

Mina arrived first at the Arcade, waived hello to Andrew, and started to walk back to their normal table. Andrew paused his conversation with Darien to let Mina know that Serena had left to run an errand for her mother. She narrowed her eyes and then turned to face Andrew and Darien.

"So, how are things here? Serena must be busy." She hoped they couldn't tell she was fishing for information. She knew Serna had lied to them and she was worried for her.

"She can't be that busy, she somehow managed to avoid getting detention today so that has to free up her schedule," Darien said.

Mina just looked at Andrew and stated, "So Darien was a jerk again to Serena?"

Darien tried to object, but Andrew just talked right over him. "Yup." Andrew nodded and wiped down the counter. "Darien was a jerk to her about the guy Serena has a date with."

Mina kept her reaction neutral, "What did he look like?" Andrew proceeded to describe him, and Mina nodded and said, "Oh, Bobby. There are so many guys who like her I wasn't sure which you were talking about." She hoped she seemed calm in her pronouncement.

She knew two things they didn't right now. The first being that Bobby wasn't her date and the second being that Serena's parents were out of town and didn't leave her with any chores.

Andrew stopped and looked curiously at Mina and she was clued into the fact that he knew something was up. He was around people so much he was really good at detecting small social cues. She hoped he wouldn't let on that something was wrong.

She could see him reach a decision and he began telling her about the whole conversation between Darien and Serena. He started with Darien pretending he was dating Serena when Trista came in, his cutting comments about Bobby dating her, and her then remembering she had an errand to run.

Mina closed her eyes and sighed, poor Serena.

"You are such an asshole Darien!" They all spun to look and wondered how they missed Raye coming in.

Raye noticed Mina looked panicked and Raye gave her a slight nod. "I heard what you said to her, she is one of the kindest people in the world and you just constantly tear her down! I sure don't understand why she even still acknowledges you!"

Raye yanked out her phone and texted Mina as she spun around and marched out of the Arcade.

Mina looked at her text message and it read. "Will keep Amy and Lita from coming in. I set him up now you knock him down."

Mina put her phone back in her pocket while she quickly tried to formulate what she would say.

Andrew apparently had decided to come to her rescue and he said, "She isn't wrong Darien. You are mean to one of the sweetest girls I know."

"It is just the way we are. I don't know what the problem is." Darien replied defensively.

Mina rolled her eyes dramatically, "You always start these things with her, she just fights back. I don't know if you get your rocks off hurting her or if you are just indifferent to it all."

Darien looked affronted, "I don't hurt her! Like I said, it's just the way we are."

"No," Mina insisted. "It is the way you are, and she doesn't just lay down and take it. You are just cruel to her so much of the time!"

"Call her and ask her about what happened earlier, she'll tell you I was just joking around." Darien insisted and motioned for her to actually call.

Mina rolled her eyes and called Serena. The minute she heard Serena answer she was pissed, and it showed in her face.

Andrew said, "What?"

Mina shook her head at him indicating he needed to be quiet and said, "Where are you right now I will be there soon and bring the girls." …. "Okay. I am on my way!" She then hung up the phone and glared at Darien.

Andrew repeated himself and said, "What? What is it?"

"You little rat bastard!" She yelled at Darien. "She is crying again. Man, I hate it every time you talk to her lately. It ends up being Raye, Amy, Lita, and me who are left wanting to kick your stupid ass for making her cry and Serena always asks that we forgive you. Well, not anymore." She pointed at Darien, "You stay away from her and don't talk to her again. If you do, I will send Raye and Lita after you."

Mina turned and placed a group call on her phone, "Girls Serena is at the park and she need us, meet me there are soon as you can." She paused in her conversation and said, "Got it in one, yes it was Darien again." She then walked out of the Arcade door.

Darien paled and looked at Andrew and said, "I never mean it. We just joke around." He put his elbows on the counter and placed his head in his hands and his shoulders slumped. "She knows that, right?" he said weakly.

Andrew shook his head and said, "I tried to tell you that you were an ass, but you never listen."

Serena sat in the park with the girls all around her and trying to hold back tears. She sniffed and said, "He pretended I was his girlfriend and was really sweet to me, he even called me darling. As soon as she left, he was back to being mean and wondering why any guy would want to date me." She sighed, "Why do I keep doing this to myself? I need to just get over him and actually go on a date. Do you think a guy would actually go with me?"

Raye scoffed, "Darien is an idiot. I promise you that at least two guys a week from my school want me to introduce them to you." She looked around and got a huge smile. She pointed and said, "See that cute guy over by the benches?" Serena nodded. "That is Mark. He asked me just last week if you were seeing anyone. I could introduce you right now and he would ask you out."

Serena gave her a small smile, "Thanks. I just don't know if saying yes to a date is fair to a guy if I am trying to get over someone else."

Mina scoffed, "He would get to go on a date with you. He should just feel lucky."

"I will think about it." Serena tried to appease them.

Darien was sure he was about to lose his best friend; Andrew was mad, and he didn't know how to fix it. "I didn't know I was making her cry."

"I told you that you were being mean! You should have listened to me instead of assuring me of how stupid I am for implying that you like her." Andrew said.

"I do like her! I am freaking crazy about that girl and I am terrified to tell her! No way will she ever say yes." Darien was at his wits end.

Andrew shook his head, "So, you like a girl and you make her cry and think you hate her. Are you five!? You make me look like Casanova, and that is hard."

"She never cried in front of me!" Darien insisted.

Molly walked in and shook her head, "Serena?"

"You heard that?" Darien asked.

"I just heard the part about making her cry. I can only think of one girl who fits that bill, unless you are telling me there are others."

"Wait, you have seen her cry too?"

"Oh, yea. Remember yesterday when you implied that she was fat and childish?" He nodded. "She cried for quite a while after that." She sighed, "It made her feel even more childish and she was relieved you never noticed because she knew you would have pointed it out."

"She never acts like it bothers her."

"Like she actually wants you to see her crying. Don't be ridiculous." She looked at Andrew. "Coffee to go please."

Daren said, "I never ever wanted to make her cry."

"Well, actions have consequences," she snipped at him. She went to leave the Arcade and turned to get one last parting shot. "If you hate her just leave her alone. She deserves more than to be the one you tear down to feel enable you to feel better about yourself." She then walked through the door.

Andrew looked at Darien, "You deserved that."

Later that evening Darien was pacing his apartment and muttering under his breath. He knew it was never his intention to make her cry. If he were putting her through hell he couldn't tell. He pictured her crying and just about lost it. As he paced, he tried to identify the ache he was feeling in his chest when he pictured her tears falling.

That night while he was sleeping, he had a dream of Serena and she was absolutely beautiful. She stood at the end of a long isle with flower petals floating down all around her and the sun shining illuminating her golden hair. She was wearing a beautiful white dress and beckoning someone to her. Tears of joy were falling down her face and he took a step towards her. His heart soared as he took another step and began to draw close to her. All of the sudden a man he couldn't identify stepped in front of him and reached out to Serena. She rushed into the other man's arms while he caressed her face and kissed her tears away.

Darien woke up in a rush and sat up. He stood and went to his bathroom to get a glass of water and when he looked in the mirror, he realized he looked awful. He determined then and there he would make this better. Next time he made her cry they would be the good kind, the kind she would let him see and be brought on by happiness.

Part Three

Serena sat alone in the park staring out at the lake and fiddling with the hem of her skirt. She had told the others that they should go ahead and go to the Arcade, and that she just wanted some time alone. It was true, she did want time alone, but the real reason was she couldn't face Darien.

It killed her that he could go from being sweet and flirty to cruel and dismissive. Yes, she knew he was just trying to get that other woman to leave him alone, but it still hurt. She sighed. He would never really see her. Not the part of her that was a woman and half in love with him already.

She closed her eyes and her hands stilled and she took a deep breath, held it and then let it go. She determined that now was the time. Now was time to finally let go. Her life shouldn't be run by his moods and his words anymore. She stood and texted the girls that she was heading over to the Arcade. She took one step forward and decided that she would work on letting go, even if it was slowly.

She made her way to the front door of the Arcade and took another deep breath before she stepped through the doors and waived at Andrew. She almost faltered when she saw Darien sitting there looking gorgeous as always. She mentally berated herself and turned to walk over to the girls.

"Hello Serena," Darien said, and her steps faltered.

She paused, looked at him and said, "Darien, hi." She then took another step away from him.

"How was school?" he pressed.

She sighed and turned towards him, "Fine. I managed to be on time again today so you can't pick on me for it. Oh! I tripped and scrapped my knee. See?" She pointed at her right knee and the angry red mark and bandage that was there. "Mission accomplished; you have something to pick on me about. You can stop looking for a fault in me. Now if you don't mind, I am going to go join my friends." She turned her back towards him and she took another step.

"I wasn't looking for something to pick on."

She stopped, turned and then scoffed at him, "So what makes today so different? Oh wait! I know! You need to use me to scare away another girl that is after you. Or, you need me to go to that dumb picnic to keep Trista from asking you out again. Whatever game you are playing today I am not interested. I am done. I am so over you pointing out all of my flaws. I am not good enough I get it! The worst part is that you are right!" She had worked herself up and a tear had made its way down her face. "I haven't ever had a date. I lied yesterday. And you were wrong about Bobby; he was making a plan with me to meet up for our group project." Tears started making their way down her face and she swiped at them in an attempt to hide them, but she didn't turn away. "Yup. Stupid, lazy, dateless Serena! Hey everyone look at me! I am not good enough! Oh wait. They already know that because you announce it on a daily basis!" She spun and turned to walk out the door.

Darien slammed his fist on the counter and made a loud frustrated noise. "Dammit woman! You always have everyone's attention. You are the center of every group you are ever in, how the hell am I supposed to draw your attention?!" He stood and stalked towards her while she stood frozen with her back towards him. "Look at me!" She turned to face him. "No, I mean really look at me. See me! See the orphan who has no one and only cares for two people. See the man who desperately wants you to pay attention to him. Other than you and Andrew the whole world can go to hell for all I care. How is the loner who hates people going to get the attention of the woman who loves everyone? Well, love me! Love me because I love you when I am the kind of man that doesn't love anything. Yes, I pick on you, but I don't know how else to get you to pay attention to me!" He took a series of deep panting breaths. He had spoken from deep within him and spilled out his whole heart and laid his insecurities bare.

Serena blinked twice and didn't even pause to think about her actions. She had taken one tentative step towards him and then she rushed forward and thew herself in his arms.

The shock had him freezing for a moment and then he was kissing her. He wrapped his arms around her and deepened their kiss and his whole body ignited.

When he pulled back from the kiss he stared into her eyes and said, "Please, be my girlfriend. Please. I need you in my life and I am in love with you. You are everything to me." He paused and gave her a peck on the lips. "From now on I think I will just kiss you to get your attention."

Serena smiled and said, "That is a much better way to get it. You should have tried that a long time ago." She kissed him. "Yup. That is so much better." She then chuckled, "I guess I am going to that picnic after all."

"We will be going everywhere together if I have any say in it."

Raye shouted, "Darn Serena, and I was just about to fix you up with one of my classmates!" She then gave a sly look to Mina.

"Like hell you will!" Darien yelled. "I am not letting go of the woman I adore."

Serena smiled. "You do realize that you told me you love me, right?"

"Yes, I do, and it is true," Darien admitted.

"Well that is good because I love you too." A single happy tear slid down her face as she stared up into his eyes.

= I already was working on the idea for this one shot in my head and then the song "She never cried in front of me" by Toby Keith popped into my head and helped me write this story. I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading.

[harry-leroy]

HISTORIES APPRECIATION WEEK 

(December 16th - December 22nd, 2019) 

Thank you all so much for signalling your interest in this! This is to celebrate the fact that I’ve been on tumblr for a full year, and what better way to do it than celebrating the interest that brought me here - Shakespeare’s histories! Over the past year, I’ve met so many amazing people through this tiny, wonderful, tight-knit community. Y’all rock, and thank you for making my second go around on tumblr an enjoyable one! 

I’d like for as many people as possible to participate - so it doesn’t matter if we’ve been mutuals for forever or if we’ve never interacted before, I’d love to take this week to bring the histories community together. So, as with my other post, if you all would be so kind as to reblog this (especially if you plan to participate) so that we can get more people participating! Thank you, thank you, and thank you! 

Theme days will be below the cut if you’d like something to follow, but anything you’ve got to appreciate these wonderful stories throughout the week is totally welcome and appreciated! And please tag me on anything you post for this appreciation week. I hope to reblog everything you guys post that week, so tagging me will help me find it. Also, I know that for some lovely people, this will be their finals week. I tried to schedule this for the week after finals (my finals are the week before, but I know some places have their finals week this week), so if that’s you, absolutely no worries! Post when you’re available - I know December can be a crazy month, but still do tag me :) 

(My tag for this appreciation week will be #doitforthehistories2019 if you’d like to block it) 

Feel free to message me and/or send me an ask if you have any questions! 

Thank you so much, and let’s have fun! 

- Lauren 

Theme Days - 

[Day 1 - Monday, December 16th] 

“Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown” - Henry IV; Henry IV, Part II (3.1.) 

 Kings’ Appreciation Day 

[Day 2 - Tuesday, December 17th] 

“Therefore, queen of all, Katherine, break thy mind to me in broken English” - Henry V; Henry V (5.2.) 

Queens’ Appreciation Day 

[Day 3 - Wednesday, December 18th] 

“Was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? Should I turn upon the true prince?” - Falstaff; Henry IV, Part I (2.4.) 

“Make her rich in titles, honours, and promotions, as she is in beauty, education, blood, holds hand with any princess of the world” - King John; King John (2.1.) 

Princes’/ Princesses’ Appreciation Day 

[Day 4 - Thursday, December 19th] 

“This battle fares like to the morning’s war, when dying clouds contend with growing light” - Henry VI; Henry VI, Part III (2.5.) 

 Battle Appreciation Day 

[Day 5 - Friday, December 20th] 

“I have no name, no title, no, not that name was given me at the font, but ‘tis usurped” - Richard II; Richard II (4.1.) 

“My lords, at once: the cause why we are met Is, to determine of the coronation. In God's name, speak: when is the royal day?” - Lord Hastings; Richard III (3.4.)

Usurpation Day/Coronation Day 

[Day 6 - Saturday, December 21st] 

“Well, I’ll find friends to wear my bleeding roses, that shall maintain what I have said is true, where false Plantagenet dare not be seen” - Somerset; Henry VI, Part I (2.4.) 

Minor Characters’, Secondary Characters’ Day 

[Day 7 - Sunday, December 22nd] 

“And beholders of this tragic play, the adulterate Hastings, Rivers, Vaughan, Grey, untimely smothered in their dusky graves” - Queen Margaret; Richard III (4.4.) 

Theatre/Production Appreciation Day 

[commonratmiraculous]

Miraculous Divergence AU

Accidental Good Dad Gabriel Agreste.

Where Gabriel realises that Marinette couldn’t have stolen the Miracle Book from Adrien because Lila knew about Volpina and he, recognising Lila’s toxicity towards Adrien in particular from that interaction and as an akuma, takes Marinette’s side somewhat.

Perhaps this is done by requesting the school look at cameras/video footage - maybe Mr. Damocles is so thrown off by Gabriel showing up at school that he just does it without question - “I’ve been told it was stolen from my son and would like the school’s assistance in verifying this.” Would probably also work honestly if it sounds like enough of a threat.

After that he tells Adrien what Marinette did, specifically the implications that Gabriel believing her would have had on her career in fashion design. Adrien is clearly touched and might give him a bit more of a push towards something other then the high road later on.

Gabriel still plans to use Lila obviously, but it’s more on the Hawkmoth side of things rather then Gabriel specifically. And of course he keeps Marinette in mind, not yet sure of how he’d be able to convice her to help but knowing she’d be a formidable ally.

Adrien and Gabriel would have to get closer because Gabriel would want to know more about Marinette, and maybe that’s why he’s more accepting of Nathalie becoming Mayura - since she’d be a more acceptable ‘sacrifice’ then Adrien in terms of the Miraculous Wish consequences. As their relationship strengthens with that between Adrien and Gabriel.

For the purpose of this fic, the peacock miraculous would have to not be broken and Emilie would have to have been cursed for a different reason but that can be left up to creative interpretation. Since the wish would require an exchange and an already sick person likely wouldn’t be accepted as a sacrifice for the same curse.

Anyway through Adrien he learns that Marinette isn’t very good at being on time, and perhaps it’s found out that as far as scheduling goes Marinette has an as busy schedule as Adrien but less routine (babysitting Manon and commissions come to mind). So while Gabriel doesn’t start off by offering an internship as far as his company is concerned, Nathalie is enlisted to help Marinette get her stuff together.

Of course spending more time just in the Agreste household she gets more comfortable around Adrien. Starting with a few jokes on Adrien’s side of things regarding how Marinette spends more time with his father and Nathalie then he does and Marinette getting upset about it not fully realising the joke.

It becomes very clear to Gabriel that Adrien is falling in love with Marinette even if Adrien himself isn’t realising it. Maybe he talks to Adrien a bit, warning him against aggressive pursuit romantically, and a long overdue discussion on boundaries that he never realised Adrien didn’t get. Both in realtion to himself and others.

And somewhere along the way Marinette realises that she shouldn’t be apologising for everything that goes wrong. Not that apologising is wrong, but that if she apologises for the faults of others she’ll get blamed.

Adrien’s growth comes at the same time as Marinette’s growth and inadvertently they become better heroes as Ladybug and Chat Noir as a result. (i.e. Chat stops flirting with Ladybug in battle and Ladybug is her thinking and her excuses.) With Chat’s growth being more apparent then Ladybug’s, while on the flipside Marinette’s growth is more apparent then Adrien’s - thus keeping them safe from Hawkdad’s suspicion.

If I were writing the fic I’d put a wedding between Felix and Bridgette coming to Paris, and then deciding to just move in with them. The wedding being a good way of bringing Adrien and Marinette closer while shutting others out, while also setting up a support system outside of Plagg for Adrien to lean on when the whole Hawkmoth and Mayura are my parents thing.

And the announcement comes in the same time as Chameleon. Marinette’s still late for school having spent the night sketching wedding dresses after Bridgette asks Marinette to help her do hers, and the Bridesmaids dresses, Mother of the Bride etc. (While Gabriel is presumably doing the other bridal party) and overslept as a result.

It’s a big thing that doesn’t really get mentioned because she arrives in class to hear Adrien mention it’s unfair to expect Marinette to move to the back because Alya wanted to sit next to her boyfriend and everyone else is with friends. In the end they both end up sitting at the back and Adrien politely asks that Marinette not argue with Lila’s lies because he didn’t really want to sit next to someone who stole from him.

The subject of jealousy doesn’t really come up then and at lunch the conversation between Alya, Nino and Marinette happens exactly the same just with Marinette telling Alya that she won’t apologise if the Ladyblog fails for posting unsourced information since she tried to warn her.

Lila doesn’t actually have too much of a reason to threaten Marinette at that point, nor does she go after Adrien that day. But when it becomes apparent that the two of them are focusing on their own successes that would outshine Lila’s fake one’s then things start to get nasty.

I’ve also liked the idea of someone, maybe Chloé or Sabrina mentioning the whole napkin able to gouge out an eye thing to Mme. Mendelieve. And Lila would clearly think that it’s Adrien or Marinette when they both claim to have not believed that. Not to mention by then Marinette and Adrien are sitting next to each other in most other classes because the Tittinus thing isn’t working all that well for her. (Maybe Mme. M genuinely believes that Marinette and Adrien would work well together given Adrien’s own interest in physics and Marinette’s off the wall way of problem solving, and actually lets them sit next to eachother out of scientific curiousity). Marinette: “for clarification, Mayura didn’t turn the napkin into an amok.” Mme. M: “that’s correct” Adrien: “the trajectory is all wrong, the napkin would’ve ended up in Max’ lap” Marinette: “plus he’s wearing glasses” Adrien: “Ladybug couldn’t have thrown a napkin hard enough to produce the force necessary to break Max’ glasses, let alone Marinette” Marinette: “and that certainly doesn’t account for the actual motions the napkin would have to go through to gouge out an eye”

Later when Lila’s returned from her akumatization she tries the whole my Tittinus is clearing thing and Mme. M is just, Ladybug’s powers have never worked like that why would they start now? Sit down Mlle. Rossi or I’ll have the Principal phone your mother.

Some of the others are getting it though. Like, they have no idea what the drama is between Adrien and Marinette and Lila, but there clearly is drama. Though Adrien suggests perhaps dialling it back a bit, for his own reasons it’s because the Lila is a difficult akuma, and suggests they just take the high road until something else is started. They don’t know who each other is yet but Marinette concedes the point, later texting Adrien a “I thought about what you said what if Lila is working with HM?” As a joke.

Adrien doesn’t think things are that bad until Lila breaks into his house, though she meets Felix instead of Gabriel - who’s a lawyer for the brand and just goes into the school requesting they keep Lila away from Adrien and Marinette regarding seating and group work thereafter since legally nothing can be done with Lila’s mother having diplomatic immunity.

A short interview is given on the subject in which it’s announce that Marinette was included because of the family ties as well as her newest internship with Agreste (the Brand as a whole becoming two separate lines/designers under one house etc. since they don’t want to fully compete with eachother ‘Gabriel’ and Bridgette’s ‘Coccinelle’ and - later - Marinette’s ‘MDC’).

Marinette’s progress causes her to start Guardian training earlier then in canon (not that I’ve been able to physically watch the amount of secondhand embarrassment in the show at current) and Chat Noir manages to catch her in the act of it for whatever reason, with Master Fu telling Marinette he’ll handle it.

They still don’t know identities, but Adrien is told by Master Fu that he thinks Gabriel is still a viable suspect for HM especially with the knowledge that miraculous users can be akumatized. He’s stopped from panicking too badly because he’s got more support now and because Master Fu mentions that Gabriel’s recent interest in Marinette is worrying him.

Marinette ends up holding the Rat Miraculous to ‘keep safe’ and also spends some time with Chat Noir practicing fighting or what not. Which a miraculous user that isn’t on either team but is close to Chat ends up being a really good article on the Ladyblog and intrigues Gabriel.

How it goes from there I don’t know. Obviously, this has the makings to be very Adrienette but can also end up being Marichat if the route of DoubleAgent is taken with Mulmouse. Mostly I just like the idea of HM fucking up by telling Ladybug his plan thinking she’ll help him because he doesn’t know she’s Ladybug.

And Lila’s siding with HM would start out subtle enough to be easily used in her becoming a pawn in a possible Old Guardians v New Guardians plot after the fact, perhaps with a HM!Lila?

[tainted-musix]

Why Romance Is Flopping.

I’m cutting the bullshit in this post, because people need a wake up call. But before I possibly get dragged I just want to state that I love Camila’s music (I believe that OMG deserved better, but that’s neither here nor there). In this analytic post, I am cutting out the relationship talk except for in one point I have to make. I am writing this as if I am not a big fan. I will show some grace but not much. With that being said lets begin:

“I think this particular moment after such a successful first album, it’s literally a make or break situation. Everyone’s watching this time, whereas the first time I could make a lot of mistakes and it didn’t matter too much because I was learning. This time around there’s a lot more stressful experience. It’s whether I can be a career artist fro the rest of my life or I had a very big album in 2011. That’s the difference, it’s a artists of the times or a career” - Ed Sheeran (nine days and nights 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKRzg6UfVZM

If you watch the video at 2:10 - 2:50 Ed Sheeran discusses the importance of an artists second album. It’s make or break, in a sense. I heard these words around 3 months ago and ever since the Romance release date it’s been rattling in my head. Naturally, I tried to push it off. I was like there’s no need to worry Camila is a talented artist with loyal fans there’s nothing to worry about...... WRONG! 

I’m going to list the 2 MAJOR problems and then the rest of them in a second, but let me paint you a picture. Señorita has dropped. Every time I get on google there's a new card speculating Camila and Shawn are dating. A week or two goes by they are dating, blah blah. Fast forward to early last week I get a google card that reads, “Why Camila Cabello’s album is flopping”. I was like no, not possible. A few days day before Billboard releases the album ranks I read the article. It basically says the numbers aren’t looking that great like the first album. So I’m like no there’s still time. A few days later Billboard says Romance is #3.

So what went wrong? I’ll tell you.

The 2 biggest problems:

1.The comparison between Romance and Camila 

2. Too many singles 

BUT before I talk about those we need to talk about the other BIG problem. Problems started WELL before the album release date and tour was announced. 

Albums are already hard to create to begin with, concept albums are even trickier. A concept albums purpose is to tell a story or show a theme through lyrics. Camila chose Romance. Concept albums are tricky because they risk being repetitive and depending on the topic unrealistic. This album struggles with this. An article from Vulture says this and compares Camila to Romance. The main point of the article is basically saying Romance doesn’t do in 47 minutes, what Camila in 37. They make the claim that Camila was clear and direct and the only songs that really do that in Romance are First Man, Cry for Me, and Shameless (basically). They also go on to talk about the deep cuts of Camila, “Consequences” and “Real Friends”, and how Romance lacks that emotion besides the maybe 5 songs. And I would be lying if I said some of the things said there aren’t true. 

The next problem toes the line of the comparison problem. Shameless and Liar simply should not have put out at the same time. I understand completely why it was done. She talked about it with Zach Sang. 

https://youtu.be/JCh2rBNZNNE

In this video she talks about how she likes putting out two singles. And that’s perfectly fine. She doesn’t have to follow the “written” rules of pop. Again I understand why this was done because Havana and OMG happened just like this, but the issue is that sometimes that kind of roll out only works once. And in this case that’s true. And the different is the song that wasn’t intercepted well didn't make the album. In this case both songs did. Those songs also had rappers on them and that’s just a formula that works. 

And on a smaller scale Liar gives a “Havana” remake vibe and it just doesn’t work and was my least favorite of the two personally. In her defense though I don't think it’s fair to ask artists to constantly invent something that's never been done before. However, in this industry growth and change are the thing that separate the career artist from an artist of the times. 

The third issue is South of the Border and Señorita. This is the beginning of the second BIG problem, too much music. 

I didn’t see this as a problem until I read the Forbes article on it. And I can understand the issue. Camila spent a decent amount of time away from the public eye. She is not an artist that is always releasing music like rappers or some r&b artists. So over saturation can/is a major problem. 

So Mi Persona Favorita comes out. It's a feel good song that got her a Grammy, tugs on the heart strings. Then Find U Again comes out. I’m like ok this is a nice little situation. It’s summer, I’m like ok album will come out 2020, she’s easing us into it (I’m into it, whatever trouble that you're thinking I could get into it). AND BOY DID SHE GET INTO SOME TROUBLE with the next release, Señorita. And right here is where you STOP! The marketing department really fucked this one up. If you know somethings going to be hot before it’s released and you know you’re going to milk a relationship and you are going to put your focus on that DON’T RELEASE ANYMORE MUSIC! But apparently, as must of us already discovered, Epic only hires buffoons. South of the Border drops and I love it. Gives the latin vibes everybody wants at the end of summer. We are having a great time then Liar and Shameless. Then the videos, the relationship, The VMAs. The announcement of an album all while beginning to get hated on for a relationship that didn’t need to be created. 

While people are calling bullshit on the relationship. Cry for Me is released. At this point, I’m confused. Like are we putting out the whole album now. Then we have the making out in the street and release of Easy and then SNL. And more relationship and release of Living Proof and AMAs performances (seriously she performed 3 times that night) and the announcement that the Romance tour tickets are going on sale soon and the album will be out December 6................................................................

I just want to know what the thought process was. THAT is WAY TOO MUCH CAMILA and the album isn’t even out yet. 

And on top of that, album hasn’t even dropped yet and Presale tickets are on sale and a few days from then regular sale. So HOW EXACTLY? I just want to know who was in charge of the numbers. Because anybody with half a brain can CLEARLY see that some of these songs weren’t charting well or staying on the charts for that matter. So who gave the green light to be like ok, release the album. This is the worst roll out for an album, thank you, next right after Sweetener was WAY better than this. 

WHO SCHEDULES AN ARENA TOUR BEFORE ALBUM SALES EVEN COME OUT! Realistically she wasn’t selling out every single show last tour, but all of a sudden we are doing arenas. Camila has fans I’m not saying she doesn’t but there are a lot of unsold tickets and things aren’t looking good right now. They oversaturated the market and now they are scrambling to put the pieces together. AND LETS NOT FORGET the album was leaked 2 weeks before the release. 

AND another big problem with all these singles is that the other songs left that people hadn’t heard weren’t strong enough to carry the weight of the leak and the songs that weren’t heard besides maybe 2 were repetitive. Half the album was already out and one of the songs was leaked a year ago. The other one was already come and gone from #1. The album release should've either been pushed back or all those singles shouldn’t have been released. 

The label needs to stop with the lying and trying to save face because they fucked up. This relationship has caused some fans to leave, people don't want listen to the album because it's repetitive, she's getting slut shamed on social media and she's supposed to do Cinderella soundtrack. 

And the is a problem on it's own and is my biggest worry because that soundtrack could turn into Camila’s version of Ariana’s Charlie’s Angels Soundtrack really quick and that went TERRIBLY. And for her sake if it goes poorly I don't want that project. It's too much Camila at once. There was no pacing and that is the problem with this album. She was gone for months and when she comes back it’s her team trying to put her in the headline EVERYDAY. We get it you’re spending New Year’s with Shawn.

This era is just repetitive and predictable. Talent and songwriting are not going to be the downfalls of her career. It's going to be the lies she’s forced to tell, the secrets she’s supposed to keep, and her likablitly going down the drain.

Links to articles:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/hughmcintyre/2019/10/09/is-camila-cabello-promoting-too-much-music-right-now/#d225cef37d5f

https://www.vulture.com/2019/12/camila-cabello-romance-album-review.html#comments

https://www.latinpost.com/articles/142968/20191215/camila-cabellos-album-and-tour-unsuccessful-critics-claim.htm

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Therapy summary: 20/02/19

Today’s session has left me feeling utterly exhausted (even more so than usual, and that is saying something!). I find it quite helpful to write down the things we talked about so that I can remind myself/look back if I need to, so I will give this a whirl, it might be a bit of a ramble, which I am going to blame on the tiredness... NOTE: This will be long as we talked about quite a lot to, including my depression (for the first time). Also, TW because, well, you know why.

- Okay so to get it out the way, my weight was down slightly. Which yeah, it’s not great but it’s been fairly stable recently and is within a certain range...so we kind of moved on as lingering talking about it wouldn’t have necessarily helped as we both know the severity of the situation/I have been reminded about it enough already. - In general things have been rather messy and hard, my intake has been stable, maybe a bit more than it was but I know it is not where it should/needs to be. I’ve been wanting to make changes but feeling utterly paralysed day after day. - Today was the first time in therapy that we have openly talked about my depression....which I did not realise until T pointed it out. A lot of the focus was on how the depression/anorexia cycles keep each other going. This came about as I have kind of realised that one of the things that has been holding me back in terms of committing to change is that I was “allowing” my depression to dictate major parts of my routine. - For a long time this has meant not setting an alarm for the mornings and trying to sleep in as long as possible (one reason is because I am always tired but also to put off having to face the day), thus putting off breakfast as late as possible as I did not/do not see the point in getting up...Anorexia then jumps on the bandwagon saying it is then too late to make changes/increases to breakfast, that I can do it later. Then lunch gets pushed back further and further because I ate breakfast late (it has not been uncommon for me to have lunch past 3pm recently)...Again, when lunch would finally come around, the excuses of it being “too late” in the day to change things/increase would come in, with anorexia also reminding me that I would be having a snack in x time, so I should just wait until later... - I was always vowing that I would make changes “later” and that “tomorrow” things would be different but they never were... - This cycle has been going on for weeks/months and I have been beating myself up over it time and time again. I’ve been telling myself that I am a failure/need to pull myself together/talking to myself in very negative ways (that I would not say to anyone else) and dragging myself down a lot by feeding into these negative spirals. - Another example of depression getting in the way of things is that I have gotten stuck in the habit of not showering until gone midday and just sort of sitting around not really doing anything (unless I had to be somewhere) as I didn’t feel like there was any point in getting up and ready for the day as I had no purpose...this then feeds into the whole “what’s the point?” “why even bother trying? there is no reason to eat more” and anorexia jumps on it all dragging timings out and manipulating anything it can get its hands on. - These two ‘main’ things have both then been exasperated by the effects of starvation/malnourishment and ensured that I have stayed trapped in the same cycles day in and day out. We spent quite a while talking through some of the side effects of starvation/malnutrition (and the science behind it) which helped to get my head around it a bit more (I know the facts, it is just so hard to apply to myself) as it can be so easy to brush it off and forget how intertwined depression and anorexia can be and how they affect one another. - For example, I find my mood drops quite a lot in the afternoon, usually after lunch until well into the evening. This, we came to agree, is likely because my lunches are quite messy/not enough, as well as there being quite a bit of time between breakfast and lunch. There is a lot of science behind it that actually explains quite a lot (e.g. blood sugars and the importance of having all macronutrients at each meal as they each have their own role to help sustain energy, hormones, absorption of vitamins etc)

- I don’t know why or how but after months of knowing it, something has begun to actually shift over the past few days in terms of facing up to the depression cycles. I think a lot of it has been pure exhaustion/frustration of going around and around and around time and time again, but also because I have been a lot more open with mum and she pointed out a number of things that I was not necessarily thinking about/aware of before... - T and I were able to talk about how important it is for me to have a more positive/healthy morning routine as those are the hardest times for me. This is something that I have begun addressing over the past few days in a CBT style - I have begun setting an alarm for the mornings (the first day was roughly half an hour before I was ‘usually’ getting up, then the next few days have been 10minutes earlier). I force myself to get up and out of bed, and then get in the shower straight away. For me this is so important as even just the simple act of getting in the shower and starting the day off can put my mind in a much more stable place. I also find the routine of “get up, shower, get ready for the day” makes me feel a lot more, idk, purposeful? and again with a slightly clearer headspace. - It has not been easy, so far from it. I have been an anxious ball of mess and I am only a few days into the shift, but I know deep down it is what needs to happen and actually, this is evidence to myself that I CAN make changes. That I can go against these routined patterns and nothing terrible happens. - T emphasised how important it is to keep working on this and that in order to do so it might be worth trying to factor in at least one “thing” in each day to give myself that feeling of “purpose” as otherwise my depression clouds over and drags me down v easily. Whether it be going to a coffee shop, the library, a little walk, a specific craft thing etc. I agreed to aim to think about things one week at a time and try to schedule some things in, which is apparently a CBT depression worksheet (which I think I have used before and I did find helpful as it gave me more structure/feeling of purpose). She said that it is important that even if I don’t want to leave the house and I have down to say take my nan for coffee, that I stick with the plan like I would a prescription and not allow my depression to dictate when/if I follow it.  - Anyway, what came from all of this, in the end, was that I need to try to approach the eating side of things just like I am with the mood/depression/sleep....so much easier said than done but it is the truth. - Again, it helped to talk through some of the side effects of starvation that I have been really struggling with, as anorexia has been very very loud. This included: constant food thoughts (seriously so sick of this), irritability, low mood, feeling of needing to hoard and buy more food in case it runs out/the supermarkets stop offers/run out, I AM SO BEYOND COLD all the time and can’t warm up, tiredness, sleep never being restful, and the sheer constant exhaustion. - We then tried to talk about lunches but ahh my head got so messy that I could hardly think straight :(  - I’ve been worrying A LOT about getting things ‘wrong’. Whether it be the speed of increasing, the foods I use, the timings etc etc. I feel like I should just be able to do it by now and keep beating myself up, but as T pointed out, this is not helpful in any way/shape/form. My mind gets so caught up in the “what if’s” that I forget that there is no evidence behind those fears/worries... - As ever, the only way to find out is to collect “the data” and see what happens. To do the actions. Follow through. COMMIT. Actually make changes. Because, as we said for the millionth time, talking doesn’t change anything, action is where it lies.  - I will have to admit that one big fear is gaining on less calories...I am so scared to increase incase I start gaining on an amount that is “less than maintenance” or I “should” maintain on. I know the science. I know why I MIGHT gain weight at first. Yet applying it to my own situation feels so alien/wrong/doesn’t make sense. AN comes up with all the excuses and reasons under the sun as to why to put things off and wait...why today is not quite right, or perfect, or whatever it is. It is so incredibly frustrating and I am so tired of the bullshit that goes around my head 24/7. I also know from the past that it does take a lot more than you think to gain, but again anorexia has managed to “convince” me that this time I have definitely broken my metabolism and that my weight will skyrocket and I will always have to restrict just to keep it stable and I will forever me trapped in the hell of disordered rules and actions.....blergh. - The thing is that I KNOW that I need to gain weight (heck right now I actually HATE so much of what being like this has done/is doing to me and how I feel. I genuinely hate leaving the house and seeing people because I am ashamed/embarrassed of how I look :( ) yet it’s like I can’t allow myself to have this chance. That I believe so strongly that I don’t deserve to get better. That it isn’t possible. That this is all there is....So many thoughts start swirling and excuses firing.  - My lack of mental clarity at the moment due to malnutrition is such a huge hindering block. I can’t concentrate. I cant think straight. I can’t be “present” in conversations. My mind constantly wandering. I literally feel like I am floating, barely even existing in this space. Just trying to keep going is so exhausting that it often feels so much “easier” to listen to those disordered thoughts (which in the moment i believe are what is “right”) as they are so automatic. I let them guide me, make decisions, dictate my days....but in doing so that is exactly what is/has been keeping me trapped and stuck for months on end....

Wow, gosh, if you got to this point in this post then I really do want to give you the biggest hug in the world (and a sticker) because this has been quite the ramble. Right, so, summary...below are the goals we set out for the next two weeks (T is off next week and training as well so we can only have a text check in  :( which is so not ideal but these things happen):

I need to continue to set alarms to get up in the mornings, shifting it a little earlier each day if I can (this will hopefully help get my eating into a bit more of a ‘normal structure’)

Have a shower when I wake up

Try to factor in one thing each day to “focus” on/give me a little purpose/reason (no matter how big or small it may feel, it matters)

Continue to work on the “little acts of defiance” that I have been trying out the past few weeks to help build my confidence

LUNCH NEEDS TO BE LUNCH. (I am so bloody stuck with this one though :( we talked about maybe trying to buy some premade lunches? but ah I dont know)

Increase meal plan by 300 calories minimum

Make sure lunches have all necessary components (as well as dinners and nothing gets cut out or compensated for)

Be kind to myself (in many ways e.g. take care of my hands (using hand cream but also things like keeping food as SIMPLE as it can be so I don’t get trapped in the internal tossle with anorexia over decisions/options/calories as it becomes a form of torture)

Try to speak to myself in a kinder way/try to stop myself when I find the negativity beginning to ruminate

Weigh myself ONCE a week and check in with T next week. I need to give this experiment a proper go, not keep putting it off and waiting. I need to collect the evidence for myself. Increase my meal plan and ride out the wave. 

Gosh, it all feels like A LOT and thinking back on it now, it is!!! And there is no wonder why I am tired after that session. There is so much I have to focus on/do over the next two weeks but I think writing it down like this has helped put it more simplistically/focused, especially with the bullet pointed goals at the end. The review with my consultant is coming up too so I really really need to continue to take this turn in the road that has just started and show that I can do this and that want to (because I do, I do I do). Okay come on Kitty, time to ride out this messy and shitty pathway. God I am terrified. Scared. Apprehensive. Worried. Anxious. amongst all the other emotions flying around. I am already finding myself questioning every single thing I have written/thought/talked about but I am trying to stay grounded. I can’t let anorexia win. I can’t. I need to trust the process. Trust my T. Trust that it will be okay in the end (short term pain for long term gain, REPEAT) and as simple as it is I just have to give this a go.  If I never try, I will never know, and I will always wonder. 

[bffhreprise]

Entry 281

  With the guests gone and the newlyweds on their way to Japan, my fiancé and I now have time to work on our own wedding, assuming he was free.   Stepping into his office, I asked “James, are you ready?”  “Ready?” he asked, looking confused.   He looked so adorable and handsome in his confusion that I nearly allowed my amusement to show on my face.  “We need to start planning our wedding.” I explained.  Reigning in thoughts of kissing him, now that I could, was a bit of a struggle.   “Here you are, Alpy!” exclaimed Aaliyah, ducking around my arm to hand me a stack of papers.  She hadn't been anywhere near us only a moment ago.   “What are these?” I questioned as I started to peruse them.  Within the first paragraph, I realized that I was looking at paperwork for my wedding.  “Oh.”  “Yep.  All the paperwork you need to sign as well as a few for your father.  Everything’s booked and ready to go.” explained Aaliyah.  Rage fought to take over my thoughts.  The well-known battle against my emotions was quickly won, but I couldn't completely quench the inner fire.  In under a minute from starting the conversation about what our wedding would be like, Aaliyah saw fit to try forcing her plan on us.   “Wait.  What?  You picked a date for us?” questioned James in obvious surprise.   Staring at the back of the diminutive girl’s head, I asked “Aren’t you getting a little presumptuous?”  From what I was seeing, every last detail of the wedding was already planned.  She spun around with a sinister smile on her face as she cracked her neck and knuckles simultaneously. “Want to fight about it?”  I did.  I really did.  Fear and rage battled within me, both demanding action.  Time seemed to still as I fought to slow my hammering heart.   I knew that no one could battle Death and win, so reason was a far better weapon.  “Did you even bother considering how much I’ll have to rearrange make this date work?”  Nodding, her smile became disconcertingly friendly as she said, “Yep!  I started preparations for you months ago.  You’ll find the day and following week surprisingly clear, the perfect day for a wedding.”  “What?  That’s preposterous.  How could you possibly have known that…”   Aaliyah spoke over me, saying, “If you really want to know the variables that could be considered in determining that exact date from the moment I started preparations, you’ll need to clear your schedule for the next month.  I assure you that you’ll give up trying to follow along by that time.”  “James!  Help me here.  You simply cannot be okay with this.” I stated, attempting to keep the pleading tone from my voice.  “What’s the date?” he asked.  “March twenty-third.” I replied, annoyed by how calm he seemed.  “Oh, look.  My schedule’s free.” he replied without even the pretense of checking.  I sighed, The inner battle having been reduced to a simmer within me.  “You’re incorrigible.  You’ve let her control your life for too long.”  “No, I simply trust her to know what’s best far better than I’d ever manage.  We traveled in time yesterday to make Jarod’s wedding.  How often do you think Aaliyah takes advantage of Carl’s abilities?  I imagine that Aaliyah’s already seen our wedding.” he insisted.  Aaliyah nodded enthusiastically and asked “Want spoilers!?”  “No!” I exclaimed, though the temptation was certainly pulling at me.  Any flaw I saw could be used as an argument for why her plans should be altered.  Getting to see my dress as it would look on me that day would be a tremendous advantage for assuring the perfect fit.  “She’s tempted to ask for a peek.” commented Aaliyah with an amused grin.  “I most certainly am not!” I lied.  Reaching up to pat my arm, Aaliyah said, “Oh, Alpy… I said you were tempted, not that you’d give in to your temptation.”  “There’s that as well.” stated James.  “Knowing what everyone is thinking has to make planning easier.”  “James, she cannot possibly know what everyone is thinking.  There are far too many people in this world.” I insisted.  “No spoilers, boss-man, sir.” ordered Aaliyah.  Curiosity now swelled.  Everyone of importance knew that Aaliyah had countless projects that were far beyond the imaginations of most.  Had she shown some of her work to James?  What did he know that made him so certain of her abilities?  “Spoilers?  What do you mean?” I asked, unable to contain my curiosity.  “Spoilers!” exclaimed Aaliyah with her large blue eyes widening in excitement.  “I know a great guy who has trouble resisting spoilers.  You wouldn’t believe in him either, Alpy!  He’s a time traveler.”  “Lovely.  Another one.” I replied.  “Oh, no.  He’s not like Carl.  He’s just a youngin’.  Wonderful person though.” she claimed.  “Great.  Now she’s coming.  I really was hoping she was heading elsewhere.” I complained, feeling Portentia's movement as she jogged up the stairs.  “Who?” asked James.  “Portentia, boss-man, sir.  She wants to use a ticket tonight.” replied Aaliyah, always willing to answer him.  “Oh.  Do I have plans?” he questioned.  “Yes, master.  Mother scheduled you to be out with Portentia tonight, so you have plans with her.” explained Mila, no longer willing to stay out of our conversation.  Her bodies weren't present, off attending to things elsewhere.  “She’s cooking with Marco and instructing Aurora.” replied Aaliyah to some unspoken question regarding Mila's location.  “Correct!” exclaimed Mila.  I could sense the body in the kitchen, but the lab had too much shielding to really sense much down there when the lifts weren't in use.  “Aurora?  Is that Jarod’s lab assistant?” I inquired, not readily seeing any other possibility.  “Also correct!” exclaimed Mila again.  “I still haven’t met her.  Jarod had mentioned her to me a while ago.  He apparently thought I might be concerned about a girl frequenting the garage.  Surely, he knows I trust him by now.” I explained.  “I’m quite interested in meeting her at some point.  Anyone Jarod would accept as a lab assistant simply must be fascinating.”  “She’s quite fantastic, I assure you.” insisted Mila.  “Oh.  You’re busy.” stated Portentia disappointedly after reaching the open doorway.  Waving her inside, James said, “I have a moment.  What do you need?”  All of his employees, his friends, loved him.  His magic certainly played a part, but his willingness to always make time for them had its own role.  I admired his business in all of its strangeness.  Glancing at Aaliyah, I mentally amended the thought to "most of its strangeness."  “I was just wondering if tonight would work for you to be my sidekick.  I wanted to use one of my tickets.” explained Portentia.  “Sounds wonderful.” he assured her, smiling warmly.  “Thank you!  Mila’s fabricating a costume for you.” she excitedly informed him.  “Oh, this I simply must see.  Shall we all head to Jarod’s lab?” I suggested, deciding I might as well get a peek at this Aurora.  Best Friend For Hire was not a place for ordinary people, so she had to be extraordinary.  I was, of course, curious at how my fiancé's costume might look on him.  “Only if we get to force James into his costume!  I want to see it!” exclaimed Aaliyah, seeming to agree with my thoughts for once.  She winked at James for some indiscernible reason.  Standing, James said, “Fine-fine.  Let’s go.” When we reached the lab, a beautiful young girl with dark brown hair was so focused on her work that she was oblivious to our descent into the lab.  I had known her shape, of course, but I didn't realize how youthful her face would appear or the obvious signs of a Hispanic heritage.  If I had no clue about my fiancé's business, I would have guessed that he ran a modeling agency.  “How old is she?” I questioned.  At nearly the same moment, Portentia asked “Who is she?”  “She’s sixteen.” stated Mila aloud as she signed <Jarod’s lab assistant.>  Surprisingly, Mila's use of sign language seemed to catch Aurora's attention.  Aurora started making hand motions as if trying to discern what Mila had been doing.  Ignoring Aurora's nonsensical gestures, Mila turned her to face us.  The girl merely tilted her head.  Smiling, I said, “Hello, Aurora.  I’m Lady Alma Lucy Pendreigh V.”  Portentia attempted to introduce herself as well, but Aurora didn't acknowledge either of us.  Then Aaliyah held up a paper, showing Aurora what had been drawn on it.  To this,  Aurora stepped over to her, picking her up and returning to work.  “Did Jarod mention that Aurora’s not socially adept yet?” questioned James.  “No, but I guessed as much” I told him, moving around to see what Aurora was working on.  “Is something wrong with her?” asked Portentia, indelicately.  “I wouldn’t say anything was wrong, but she is different.” explain James diplomatically.  “She’s an autistic savant who Jarod says has remarkable potential.”   “I’m inclined to agree.” I told them.  If this worked as I believed it would, this would be quite an interesting piece of equipment.  Sounding surprised, James said, “Oh?"  “Do you see what Aaliyah drew?”  He stepped around to look and said, “Some sort of schematic.”  “Aurora understood it at a glance and is implementing the design into her own work already, some sort of propulsion system going by the arrangement of the fans.” I explained.  “Correct!” exclaimed Mila, smiling at us.  “Aurora’s helping Jarod design a lightweight flight system.  Mother just pushed things forward a bit with her suggested revision to the power control circuit.”  “Couldn’t you do this even faster?” I suggested.  “I certainly could do some of it faster, but Aurora’s also here to learn.” she told me.  As Mila spoke, Aurora walked over to James, seeming to examine him.  Grabbing the front of his shirt, she walked back to the computer, releasing him to work more.    “Does she want me to see something?” he questioned.  Aaliyah grind at him and said, “Nope.  You were in the wrong place is all.  She didn’t want you electrocuted.”  “Huh?  By what?”  “She’s picturing a very large version of the machine in the room.” claimed Aaliyah.  I found myself wishing that I could look into Aurora's mind as Aaliyah did.  “Master, your suit’s finished!” exclaimed Mila has she walked over to one of the machines.  The suit, when lifted up, was remarkably unimpressive, but James was to be a sidekick after all.  With a matte black, uneven texture, the only part that would really stand out was the glossy emblem which matched that used by Portentia's, save that the shine was inverted so that the symbol was the darkest part.  I looked forward to seeing what James would look like in this.July 31  Supervillains were rarely encountered, but I knew I’d need help after numerous failed attempts to apprehend this one.  If James had been too busy, I’d have hired Jarod and Mila to find a solution, since those two could surely fabricate something to capture a man whose body could flow like liquid.  When I thought about how much money was in my account, I always felt guilty.  Half of my paychecks were donated to local charities, but Mila insisted that the other half was kept and reinvested in case I might need to purchase something eventually.  I’ve argued off and on, of course, but she couldn’t be swayed.  I doubted that I was even paying for my suits, despite the large amount of tech that went into them.  Mila wasn't very forthcoming with regard to her mother's budgeting for lab expenses.  James didn't care, saying he was better off not knowing certain things.  Having sat through some of Aaliyah's explanations, I couldn't really blame him.  Seeing how he looked in the perfectly black suit with an inverted version of my cracked mirror symbol, I was very happy that he had time today.  "What do you think about this?" questioned James as shadows seemed to consume him.  I gave him a thumbs up, grinning as I moved to watch the effect.  Mila was transcribing everything onto my suit’s mask, so I didn’t have to worry about reading lips.  "You need to work on covering the cape more smoothly." suggested Alma, but she was never really satisfied with anything.  "That would improve the overall effect, Master." agreed Mila.  As James and Alma discussed how to perfect the spell, Aurora took interest in what James was doing, moving around him as if she were looking for what created the darkness.  When she found a flashlight and pointed it at him, I wondered if he might look too much like a villain, being shrouded in darkness while immersed in light.  "What should he call himself?" questioned Alma after she and James were satisfied with their spell.  Surprisingly, she was looking at me.  "Something involving a shadow I would think." I replied, but I was thinking about what she would look like shrouded in a suit of fire.  Getting Alma to help us save the city would be impossible, but I still wished she would.  After a few seconds thought, James suggested "The Living Shadow?"  "You are a sidekick, my love, so don't you think your name should relate to the hero." replied Alma as she nodded in my direction.  "Calamity's Shadow?" asked Mila as she joined Alma and walking a circle around James.  "Preferably something that sounds less possessive of our shadow here.  He is an individual no matter how he appears.  What if we call him a shade, possibly reminding people of shades in mythology?" asked Alma.  "The Shade of Calamity?” offered James.  “I like it!  Let’s use that.” I told him.  “Off we go?”  Sighing, Alma said, "The Shade of Calamity will work.  Have fun terrorizing the criminals!"  After a little more discussion, we were on the move.   Mila had been tracking the supervillain as best she could for the past hour, so we had a general idea where to look for him.  Finally finding our target with another man in an abandoned church, I said, "James, I see him.”  “I’m coming.” he replied.  He was behind me in under a minute, touching my shoulder to let me know he was there.  “That’s him?”  I nodded, keeping my eyes on the rotund man below us.  He was bald with graying hair, but his oversized suit looked brand new.  “What has this guy done?” questioned James.  “Watch, master.” stated Mila, no doubt showing him the video feed from the crime.  I remembered how the woman looked as she passed that alley⁠—she might have been a mother, hurrying home to her family—before the man pulled her into darkness.  The video had been at the wrong angle to identify her, but I had arrived not long after, hoping to find her alive.  “They might have known each other.” suggested James.  “All I found was her phone and one of her shoes.” I explained.  Mila had me take both items as evidence, identifying Marla Allen through the phone.  “Who’s the other guy?” asked James.  “Michael T. Williams, a petty thief with a large rap sheet.” replied Mila as she showed us his rap sheet.  “Fine-fine.  Shall we jump down and greet them then?” he suggested.  I grinned and jumped down in front of where the two men talked.  “You again?  I told you to leave me alone!” exclaimed the balding man.  James landed behind them, a silent shadow moving in the darkness.  “Hey!  I haven’t done anything!” exclaimed Michael.  “Today.” I stated, taking a step closer to them.  Pointing to the one we were after, I said, “You still haven’t told me what happened to that woman?”   “What woman?” he scornfully replied.   “Marla Allen.” I stated, staring into his eyes.     “You keep following me, and I’m going to have to hurt you, Calamity.” he told me.  “Yes, I’ve heard about you.”   Grabbing the bald man's shoulder, James said, “Just don’t.”   The man's body oozed away, trying to get free, but James was moving too fast for my eyes to follow him as he grappled the perp.  Suddenly, the bald man was floating, suspended in air by magic.   “What are you people!?” exclaimed Michael, backing into a wall.   “Superheroes, Michael T. Williams.  We know where you live.  Don’t go back to crime.  We’ll know.” I warned him before motioning for him to leave.   Michael clumsily ran, stumbling his way out of the building.  Meanwhile the bald man was continuing his fight against the spell, not knowing that his efforts were in vain.  If he knew James as I did, he certainly wouldn't try to escape.   “Are you a vampire?” questioned James, receiving a glare in answer.  “If you’re not, I don’t want you to suffocate.”   “I’m not then.  Release me.” lied the man.   Looking to me, James said, “We can’t hand him over to the police.”   I nodded, knowing they couldn't hold someone who could have evaded me.  “We can’t let him go either if he’s a murderer.”   “Master, a phone just turned on, possibly inside him.” warned Mila.  “He attempted to call a John Smith, probably an alias.”   “Who are you calling?” I asked, enjoying the surprise on the man's face.  “Your boss?”   “I’m sorry, but this is probably the worst city for whatever endeavors you hope to accomplish.” added James.   Stepping between James and our captive, I signed <Should we turn him over to Alma?  She’ll just kill him.  I haven’t actually caught an older, bad vampire before.  You’re sure he is one, right?>  I didn't like the idea of this man being executed without trial, but I couldn't allow him to continue murdering for endless centuries.   James nodded and said, “Call Zachary Blood.”   “Who’s that?” I asked, having never heard the name before.   Smiling, James looked up at our captive and said, “He knows.  His new jailer.”   “Jailer?  What’s this?  Are you in town?” questioned Zachary from the phone.   “No, but I was hoping you could speak to a vampire for me about coming to visit you.  He murdered someone, upset the local superhero, and is going to get himself killed at this rate.” explained James.   “Oh, I see.” replied Zachary.  “Thank you.  Please, put him on.”   “Mila, can you add him to the call?” asked James.   “Of course, Master.” she assured him.   “Hello?” asked the bald man.  Mila noted that he sounded scared.   The exchange was very brief, with our captive being extraordinarily submissive.   Not trusting such a strong villain to be so easily subdued, I asked “That’s it?  Why wouldn’t he run?”   “He won’t.  He gave his word to one of the eldest vampires in the world, someone I believe he respects.” insisted James.   I trusted James, but I couldn't entirely suppress my doubts.  “But…” I started, trying to decide what I could ask that would make me feel more comfortable with this.   James interrupted me before my thoughts were organized, saying, “I trust him.  Trust me on this.  He won’t cause any more trouble.”  “Fine, but there are still some bad guys out there.  Is Mila showing you the gunfire near the docks?” I questioned, ready to move.    “Let’s go stop a gang fight.” he replied, lifting me into his arms and running.  With his unbelievable speed, we traversed half of the city faster than I could have managed in a speeding car.  He effortlessly jumped from building to distant building, always landing with easy grace.  Upon arriving, he casually swept away the guns with his magic.  Subduing the criminals was very easy in their confusion.  When they were firmly bound and bandaged, James carried me off to save more lives.  I freely admitted that I had never accomplished so much by myself in a night, hoping he might be inspired to come without me using a sidekick ticket next time.  We both knew he wouldn't, but I was still very thankful to have such a friend.

[the-sky-fell-blossoms]

Not as Easy the Second Time Round (Part 1)

(I put this up on my amino awhile back but decided I wanted to continue it somewhere else in full. Nothing was changed from that version of the first chapter but I’ll be updating here.)

Jumin sat across from the man, never as dubious to what the other was planning than in this moment. Jihyun was always horrible at concealing his thoughts or feeling out of his eyes, said eyes pleading silently as if begging for him to spill out his thoughts to him as well. Needless to say, it did little to affect Jumin's bored glance as he continued looking over papers looming over the back of his mind since he was driven home. It became second nature to sit here like this however long necessary for the man to spit out whatever was on his mind. He supposed this is what it was like a mother tuning out the tantrums of a child: nervous wringing of pale thin hands replacing the insistent wailing of someone who actually had an excuse for their behavior, or at least the denial of a more appealing learned behavior. Still, he waited, past experience telling rushing the lanky male would have him near pulling his hair out till sunrise. He showed strong resilience in not letting out a soft practiced cough, instead settling on a reluctant sigh through his nose.

"So..."He started, though it didn't get a clear response from the other. "Are you still in contact with that um... the last company that you used for the cat project last month, the one that did the marketing?" That's it? Jumin was half expecting him to tell him he needed a kidney with how long that took.

"Well it is hard to lose contact, any major event, or new endeavor C&R decided to branch off to, they're often behind. So far the partnership goes well for us both.." He answered, but oddly the look in Jihyun's eyes didn't fade or seem relieved at all. Now that's slightly surprising. He sat up and gave the other his full attention. At least that seemed to catch his childhood friend's own faster as well. Piquing the CEO's interest was not a small feat.

"Oh. No. I just was curious. Honestly, it wasn't fully about the company or your work, More about Luciel." Ah, was that all...? "How did you feel about him?"

"I assume you mean the child, you walked in with," Jumin answered, with the reward of a small nod from the other. "A bit young to surprise with an impromptu visit to a twenty-three-year-old he's never met."

"Well...we just wanted to make sure you two got along, Rika was unsure but, I think given time, you two might really get along." So he intends on bringing him back? To what end? With his father, he can see a clear reason why 6.43 times a year he's 'blessed' with the company of a woman he's never had a stread of need towards or for.

They never shared the same appearance. As if his father was trying to gauge his type by throwing different size shape and colored women at him. He was as a child always mesmerize if by none else than of his father's efficiency, part of him is still rather surprised to see features he must have reacted well to, appear on different packages. Unlike Chairman Han however, it took more than appealing eyes or hair to fool him into not reading their deeper motives. He'll admit there are the rare women who have no motives, either just as rich or as disinterested. Some just find him attractive and want their version of a perfect family, however, he doesn't have time for fruitless readings into people he has no interest in when there's a company to run.

He sometimes wonders looking at them if they've settled for his father, once or twice... before- or after.

But this was a random child. Who shows up in the dead of night, with his dear friend just to 'share some drinks'. Still, he didn't push his questions. One thing he learned early on is that questioning Jihyun head-on was conversational suicide. "Other than that... what do you think?" He probed softly, interrupting my thoughts and idle sipping. so he genuinely wants an opinion of a stranger I spent twenty minutes in silence with?

Then again, it wasn't completely silent, and Jumin was a strong believer of actions over words. The kid had plenty of actions, and after he had taken in his surrounding, never giving anything a twice over in the short walk to the couch; he seemed to start taking in Jumin's as well. He caught on that Jumin was studying him early on and started studying openly in return, while Jihyun went on about something on cats and shared love. He appeared at least fifteen. His large ringed glasses and his height did nothing to help him seem old enough to solidify his place beside the two men. Unless V had taken on an apprentice.

V had not taken an apprentice.

He did, however, treat the boy with an open affection. And not in the usual Jihyun way. He pat his shoulder, his back, sat closer to him if Jumin asked a question he felt too brash or personal. Jihyun was being protective. Not really in a way he was ever in front of Rika. No, surprisingly the two solemnly touch at all for a couple. Although past experience showed Jihyun to be reserved but a universal toucher to anyone he was comfortable standing alone with for 15 minutes uninterrupted. In the back of his mind, Jumin did always question it but it wasn't until seeing him interact with a perceived stranger and not himself that it truly clicked. The boy obviously did notice, holding back flinches at every touch, not looking outwardly uncomfortable but tensing and untensing quickly after. Seemingly a micro-reaction he was working hard to keep under control. He did well, Jihyun didn't notice. His face was clear of displeasure. It was respectable.

He hated to admit, but he could see his younger self get on with a Kid like this. He looked to be straining to hold back sarcasm, his responses quick and smart. But not always. There was one time in the conversation when asked a question, he seemed to lose himself going on for twenty-six seconds about something seemingly unrelated, his voice softer. Then looked up and didn't seem surprised at his outburst like what he said made sense. Maybe it did... to him.

Looking back, it might have made sense to everyone in the room. Or at least the feeling there in the words.

Jumin thought over this for a bit. Not having the gift of time nor hindsight, finished his drink and stood. he finished his thought too. "he seems fine." Feeling Johyun's dissatisfaction in waves at his answer.

...…...

I take a soft sip of my wine as the man sits across from me readying his tape recorder and notepad. From what I heard the note pad was just to write down his initial thoughts, words he doesn't know so he can listen out for them, and of course, my reactions to the questions. He takes a deep breath, and starts it, looking towards me. He is a shorter male with a tuft of rather curly brown hair, unkempt but framing his face in a unique way, so he had the thought to at least tease it before coming here. "Hello Mr. Han, first, I would like to say thank you for being here today. I know it's been hard for you and the rest of the 'RFA' with this loss. I heard you were one of the few who wanted the privacy to mourn in peace. So I wanted to thank you for coming, especially so early in the morning."

I took a sigh. Then answered, knowing that this was less of genuine thanks and more to gauge how up I am for not only this interview but for his scoop. "You're welcome." However, I am not 'up' for it. Hence the glass of wine, though he didn't seem to mind too much.

He at least seemed to catch on. "May I ask why you changed your mind on this interview? You seemed steadfast in not wanting to before in our last few approaches."

My father.

My father had always been a man who prided himself in being right. Or looking right. Knowing what's best. I hated when he actually was. But I did hate when he pretended to nine times more. So his behavior here is much more manageable.

He came for a spur of the moment visit, taking one step in before beginning. "My Boy, you know you can't stay quiet forever. Especially not after you broad-casted on the back of the C&R reputation. People will talk." I opened my mouth about to correct him about my status of caring when he raised his hand to interject. "Not about you. About C&R being an open supporter of the other prime minister candidate. Convenient lynching. About Mr. Choi. Both of them. They appear out of nowhere with instant access with the CEO of the biggest company in all of South Korea. Arguably all of Korea. And one of them not proven to exist. Not publicly" He corrects after noticing my slight reaction,. "and the other without papers or records of existing at all." He paused, waiting to see if I look to argue, I don't. Just glare slightly. Unsure where my anger lies truly at this moment. "What's worse is that you are the only one, who has not stated claim. Even the brother is speaking out on his loss. I can't claim what is going through your head, or why you brought our company name into it. And while I trust you and your word, I do know what the people will think if you remain silent on the matter." Like that, he was already turning to leave. Having apparently come all this way to say just that he had said. "Tomorrow morning I have scheduled a meeting with an influential paper. whether or not you show is your business and I am always on your side. But it is in the best interest of the company that you make your stance known." With that, he left.

...

I knew what Father meant by that. He wouldn't show up in person just to tell me I needed to do damage control. This was not to be a PR reach, this was a personal loss that required personal statements for the public to believe this is anything but a smear campaign. Hence the second glass of wine.

I neglected to say this though and the interview continued on, the reporter ordered his coffee. He spoke clearly, taking his time in asking everything he wanted to. Sometimes unrelated things sure as my feelings after, and how often I keep in contact with the others, more so Saeran. But unfortunately, I haven't kept up with the man. That's more MC and Jaehee's stance. As Yoosung locked himself off still taking it hardest as he can't control his emotions and Zen complains of uncanny feelings hearing another person looking so much like...Saeyoung sound so... not Luciel. But Luciel was a dense package, even I only saw the shallow end of once or twice in person. In the chatroom, he'd flip back and forth given a change in what must have been a tenth-degree shift in temperature. Luciel had a very hard time not feeling or expressing those feelings, in some way. But there's something about genuinely seeing first hand those moments few and far between. I think I am the only one who truly sees the resemblance and it's hard to miss, heartbr- startling how much the man is so much like a younger Luciel. Missing some of the bite and snark in the words but it's there. Even the hairstyle, before Luciel, cut it... Puffed bangs towards the front.

The reporter listened to me, his eyes pensive as if trying to catch something he missed in my words. "You two seemed close. I'm sorry." In his defense, he seemed to mean it. Perhaps I got lost too deep in that sentimental mood Jihuyn is always on about.

I sigh, looking away, "Luciel is a very difficult case. Constantly pulling pranks, teasing everyone about something at some time, he had no concept of breaks, passing out for days at a time after a job then constantly around 24/7, getting him to pay attention and stay serious is an uphill battle featuring roller skates. But I have no reason to doubt the love given by anyone in the RFA for him. Oddly enough he's the most dedicated of us all."

He pauses a bit but eventually continues, scrawling something out on his notepad before continuing. "So, how did you feel about him?"

"hm?"

"Well, you've been talking about the group feeling a lot and that really makes you seem like a family. But what is your personal thoughts on Saeyoung Choi?"

There was no hesitation as I answered. "Saeyoung... is an idiot." It was a simple thought.

Simple.

'Simple' and 'Saeyoung Choi' share nothing but a few letters. Somehow it felt wrong leaving it only at that. So I tried again. "He is one of the largest fools I know, and I supposed I'm doomed to attract those near me and for them to stick," I say knotting my eyebrows together in annoyance. I hold the silence a bit longer. "But I would do anything for him. And right now, it's starting by putting everything I have into making sure the Mr. 'would-be-prime-minister' realizes that the slow rotting he'll be doing in jail now is the greatest mercy the world allows him as long as I breathe."

I expect the foreign reporter to be shocked by the sentiment but he moves right along with a small nod, and I, my attempt to honor my father and company. Hence my third glass of wine.