#when i remember this i get a headache You cant Say That. Any Of It. Because I;ll cry.

[thedevotionaltour]

i should actually blow up planet earth. forever.

[stevieschrodinger]

I do not have time to write this, but I really need to write it down.

All the events of Stranger things happen as normal - one crucial difference, Eddie gets involved, but not in the same way. He's an innocent by stander who never made friends with the kids. He's a vague background character to the action. He's an extra on set, effectively, and when he drops out of school and leaves town abruptly, someone might notice, but no one really questions it.

Years later, the only thing that feels real about the whole thing are the scars Steve still carries on his body. Sometimes, sometimes, he has to call Robin, just to check it was all real. That he hasn't lost his mind. He still flinches when a light flickers, to this day his ears ring for hours after a loud noise. He has headaches.

The only people he can talk to about it are Robin and the kids; but he feels bad. The kids aren't kids anymore, and they all seem to have just...gotten on with their lives. Seemed to have grown and evolved past it all, even though Steve regularly still wakes in the night, sweating and fighting with his bed covers. He doesn't put that on them, he sounds happy on the phone, and he is, loves hearing about their lives, their relationships, their plans and their own kids.

Robin has a girlfriend, she's happy and settled. Steve's the only one who seems...stuck. Like he cant move past it. He bums around. Stays with Nancy for a while, then Robin. Visits Argyle, makes loose acquaintances and sofa surfs. Drifts, aimlessly, through life.

It's about time in his cycle to visit Robin, but the relationship is serious this time and she nags him to find his own place to stay near by - loosing patience with him when he fails to be motivated and finding it for him herself. It's tiny, the kind of place where the bed is also the couch and the TV rests on a short run of kitchen counter because there's no where else. Feels okay though.

Steve gets a job. Spends a day on foot, door to door, walking through town; lands in a record shop of all places, even though CD's have now well and truly taken hold and vinyl isn't much of a thing. It's dark inside, the walls painted black, the bare brick red. A couple of people browse through, but Steve heads right for the counter.

There's some screamo rock stuff playing that Steve doesn't recognize, but it's quiet, so it's okay.

Behind the counter, someone Steve half recognizes from another life. Eddie Munson, Freak of Hawkins High. What are the odds.

Eddie isn't who Steve remembers. He's angry now. Bitter. Has a horrible scar that creeps up his neck and onto his face, pulling the corner of his lip down. Steve does his best to ignore it. Begs for work.

Eddie employs him, but only because he thinks it's fucking funny how far the king has fallen. Now the king works for the jester.

Steve does his best at the shop. Cleans a lot. Gets on well with the customers, charms plenty of sales.

Eddie walks with a cane and seems to hate everyone and everything; but nothing so much as a cold morning. Seems to be in more pain than usual.

Steve wants to ask, Eddie tells him it was an animal attack. In 86.

Steve's seen some of the scars by now, caught glimpses of how bad Eddie was hurt; helped Eddie even when Eddie was spitting angry about accepting any help.

What the fuck kind of animal could do that much damage in Hawkins?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

And Steve puts it together then, instantly and viscerally realizes in his bones what must have happened. No one ever believed Eddie. Why would they? How could anyone think that monsters coming out of the walls, out of the floors, out of glowing red portals could be the truth?

And Steve says, did it's face peel apart like a flower?

And then he tells Eddie. He tells Eddie everything. He shows Eddie his own scars. Tells him about every monster they ever come across. It was one of the demo dogs. Like Dart. Steve knew it must have been, but Eddie confirms with a description.

And then Eddie cries, because he finally has a explanation. He's not crazy. For the first time in his life, someone believes him.

[boyfiejay]

Enhypen : Telling them a story but it doesnt make sense

PAIRING : OT7 x gn! Reader

GENRE : established relationship, fluff, crack

Warning : curse words

Author's note : this is requested, why do i get the motivation to write in library? Of all the places, the place where im supposed to study...

Heeseung

●'Babe you know the other day i went to walk my fish but the baby started to bark and i realised that it was the wrong day!'

●Looks you dead in the eye

●Just stares at you even after you finish talking

●'I cant tell if im sleep deprived or you arent making any sense'

●Would take him him 1 2 3 4000 business days to understand it was a prank

●You woukd just tell him to go sleep lmao

Jay

●'So I was planting the book and the turtle drowned so i put the heater in the frigde.'

●Bro just freezes trying to understand what you're saying

●'Excuse me?'

●Just confusion on his face and youre laughing your ass off

●Also would not understand how that prank works but it worked on him so...

●Would make fun of you 100% 😭

Jake

●'So tell me why when the cat was barking and my ears went blind so i put the curtains in the dishwasher.'

●Baby is so confused, like he has imaginary question marks floating around his head

●'What do you mean baby?'

●Trying so hard to not seem rude incase hes the one who doesnt understand you :(((

●Breaths out a sigh of relief when he realises it was a prank

●But then lowk gets mad that he was tricked lol 😭

Sunghoon

●'Hey, remember when me and my grandma went to mop the ocean and the cat had puppies so i blow dried the air?'

●Already knows its some kind of prank but hes still confused

●'What the fuck?'

●Cue your hysteric laughing because why does he look cute with that confused expression???

●Impressed by your randomness lowk but will not say it

●Will get back at you for this💯

Sunoo

●'You remember when i couldnt hear in my nose and i woke up and the dog laid eggs?'

●Is concerned for you more than hes confused

●'Are you okay, baby?'

●You cant even laugh at him he genuinely looks worried

●You tell him its a joke and he gives you the nastiest side eye

●But then laughs at how random that sentence was

Jungwon

●'Tell me why, when i was walking my penguin and i lost my toes so i watered the fish.'

●He is the most confused by far but also judging you at the same time

●'Baby, what the heck? What penguin?'

●Hes concerned about penguins more than your mental state and toes😐

●Starts laughing when you tell him its a prank

●'Stop watching those tiktoks.'

Ni-ki

●'Remember when the snail barked and my leg cut off because i had a headache so i preheat the ice.'

●Just stares at you with 🤨 face

●Is judging you so hard it makes you want to take back your words

●'Whats that supposed to mean, baby?'

●Can NAWT understand why people make pranks like this

[rebeltigera]

Haiii!! I got question:

Do you have any head-canons for mk? Mac? Wuk?

And what is your personal opinion on season 5?

I am responding second time because the first one didn't send :'D

Pls end me.

I don't remember the headcanons I've mustered out the first time damnit -

*sigh*

Those are general ones , I use the design of the character most of the time to show headcanons

For MK

-He's wasted after one beer.

-his tail subconsciously curl against legs of his friends or person he trust

-he chirp subconsciously

-he don't like bitter things like dark chocolate

For Wukong

- he got thick , strong curly fur . When fluffed up texture it reminds of the dust brush

- his body temperature is much higher due to the furnace punishment

-gets headaches due to the circlet (phantom pain)

-he speak and read fluently ancient Chinese , however he got problems with modern language

-he usually sleeps with lil monkeys around

-he can't get drunk.

-monkeys take care of his fur

For Mac

- his ears are too delicate for piercings. They would hurt.

- thin , straight/wavy fur like smoke . He can't stand cold

- he can always hear past and present but future is randomly whispering to him

- he got lower body temperature (due to the shadow nature)

- when drunk he looks like a beast but he's a snuggly wuggly teddy bear

-he takes care of his fur regularly himself

For Mei (because it's lacking in other categories and I don't remember more :'D)

- When she fights she tunes into imaginary music in the background. Like Gwen from spiderverse 2

About S5

*sigh* Vent warning. not directed at anyone in particular

I am unable to put up presentable opinion on this season

Also warning to everyone that will read it

If you are here to defend/ you are touchy on subject of S5 please avert your eyes.

The season was mid at best. , script was rushed, the core of it was S3 with meek antagonist, the most evil character there was a bug demon with many eyes, and SACRIFICE was basically word for this season.

Other things I remember from it is a burnt dumpling and Nezha's mech. Oh and Wukong being useless, Mac carrying season on his back , MK being even more stupid than usual. A random guy with a pagoda and a Twink snake. Nothing else .

Let's put my opinion about the animation now :D

Flying Bark got sacrificed just like MK in this season lol

The animation was a pure nightmare, it's like Seven deadly sins Incident

And if you guys think it will get much better from that in one year (let's say for example they will produce another season next year) you live high on copium and delulu.

Our juicy yummy frame by frame animation was taken away and they gave us RAGDOLL animation.

What does it mean? -AND HERE TUMBLR DECIDED TO CRASH ON ME AND IM WRITING IT 3rd TIME :D- you know how hieroglyphs are animated? Ye, that's basically it with extra steps! HOW FUN. NOW WE HAVE PUPPETS 2D. A FREAKING GACHA FROM YT IF YOU MUST. THOSE IN SOME CASES ARE EVEN BETTER ANIMATED THAN OUR SHOW ITSELF BTW. This has it's perks! I guess. It's cheaper and easier to make episodes! :D the cons are we will no longer see good battles in the show. yay "But we saw Wukong vs MK! And snippet of Wukong vs Mac fight!" please, spare me. If you are telling me those were good fights , that is half assed animation they have no idea how works and two dots clashing with eachother you should go rewatch other seasons. the fucking disgrace and audacity.

But no matter. That i can live off, that i can gulp down.

YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN'T? THE SHEER AMOUNT OF MISTAKES ON BASIC LVL IN ART. I am sitting here looking at those colors, those lines this fucking scenography and ask- what a fucking newbie did this .

YOU CAN'T EVEN GET COLOR RIGHT

AND BEFORE ANY OF U F NERDS WILL COME TO ME AND SAY "UUU ACTUALLY ITS LIGHTING FAULT-" NO ITS FUCKING NOT.

THEY CAN'T EVEN USE SAME COLORS AS IN THE PRIOR SHOT , THEY CANT EVEN SAMPLE IT PROPERLY . BETWEEN THOSE SHOTS NOTHING CHANGE THEREFORE THE LIGHTING IS THE FUCKING SAME

IF YOU DON'T DRAW , AND HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT , JUST -

we have a shiny wukong here

What is this scene , please someone can explain to me the scenography of this

Why this perspective is wrong, the shading, the lack of lighting

Here characters don't even stand properly

WHAT IS WITH THIS AWKWARD SCENOGRAPHY ?

WHY THEY ALL LOOK OUT OF PLACE. AND IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS SHADING BECAUSE ITS SHIT.

HAVE THEY MISSED LIKE ALL BASIC LESSONS IN ART SCHOOLS? OR SOMETHING? LIKE THIS IS A JOKE. NO WONDER PEOPLE THOUGHT TRAILER WAS FAN MADE.

Now this- this is just hillarious.

Just add to it some dramatic intense sound effect and we have another nightmare.

The voice acting was great tho

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

HI ITS ME gvxzggsgjfh ok look this is. i know this is a weird one it is SO specific and so obviously something i should just write myself if i want it👏but👏but👏BUT i decided to shoot my shot when a perfect chance has arisenderised for you to pick and choose from anything you like AND in any form, and to see if this one maybe by any chance just so happens to spark anything fun in u too xD

ssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo RANDOM EVENT ROLL D20 mc gets bitten by a werewoof or some other kind of "contagious" monster species (....cant really think of anything else other than vampirs, now that i say it) but WAIT THERES MORE because. what if mc insisted that they dont want any potential existent cures, they just wanna stay monstery >:3 JVDTHGLN who's considering it, who would absolutely go in the "its either me or this" direction, who's enthusiastic🤣 this is silly as hell but in the case it sparks joy id love to hear ur any and all thoughts because this idea has been haunting me for forever lmao honestly the best way ive imagined it is like one of your own selfinsert pieces youve posted before where its just all of them together bickering heeheehee💘💕🩷💞💖

love u have fun!!

The Arcana Drabble: MC transforms into a "monster"

In the spirit of things, I though a long drabble/short oneshot would work best to keep the madness going XD

Asra's getting stuck in their "one focus and one focus only" mode and right now that focus is making sure you're okay. He'll decide how he feels later, which isn't being helped at all because Julian keeps calling on him to help him slow down the process and get you to think about this a little more. However, it's hard to tell what exactly Julian wants your decision to be because in between him trying to get Asra to make you think about it some more, he's having all kinds of medical epiphanies about how your anatomy is adjusting to the new monster form:

"MC, let's think about some more, shall we? I'm sure Asra agrees with me - don't you, Asra? Asr - oh, whats this?! Your finger's joints are rapidly adjusting to accommodate for - I need a pen and paper -"

"Right here, Ilya." It's Portia's dismissive tone as she digs a small notebook and pencil out of her pocket that keeps you grounded. Not for long, though, because she can't wait to see what happens next. "Accommodate for what, anyways? Are you growing another joint?? Are you going to get claws??? Talons???? Show me!"

Between Julian jotting down unintelligible notes while he studies your elbow's range of motion, Portia's excited exclamations, and Asra's attempt at soothing touch as they rub your shoulders and ask how you're feeling, it's a miracle you can notice Muriel's quiet mumble in the background. He's clearly overwhelmed and very concerned that the physically-altering substance in general got to your brain first, making you so seemingly okay with turning into a monster.

"MC, do you remember your name? Do you need to take a nap? You don't have to be okay with this -"

"I believe this may warrant far more than a nap to recover from." Nadia's doing her best to keep Lucio calm, holding him back from tackling you much like she might grasp a leash. You can practically see the headache building behind her eyes. "We have yet to determine what the extent of this transformation is and therefore whether our dear MC is even capable of fully agreeing to the current process. MC, darling, did the source of this transformation give you any indication of what the end result would be?"

You'd try to respond, but Lucio's excited yelling is too noisy to shout over. He's fumbling at the fastenings on his cape, distracted by your ongoing changes, and very annoyed at Nadia's interference.

"Where did it go? I want to see if it can give me powers too - OW! Dammit, Noddy, I'm trying to help here! You're keeping me from finding the monster and getting it to give me cool - I mean, getting it to tell us more about what's happening! Don't you want that? Don't you want to help MC, Noddy?! Let me go -"

It's with a loud RIP and subsequent "that was velvet, you know!" that Lucio finally breaks free and sprints off in the direction of your new monster friend. You can feel yourself slowly settling in to your new form as the process shows signs of slowing and reaching completion.

Nadia's facepalming. Portia's looking at you with eyes shining in wonder. Julian's still trying to nag Asra into reversing this as he takes notes. The magician in question is still ignoring him as they ask you how you feel for the nth time. Muriel's eyeing the nearby closet in hopes of taking a nap and waking up to it all being a dream. Lucio's a distant, spiky golden speck at this point.

Faust is quietly trying to sneak her knife into your hand, for crimes.

[ollssl]

mdni .

you woke up on your bed when you smelled something from outside of your bedroom. getting up from your bed, bring the headache straight to your head. ah i went crazy last night.

trying your best not to bump into the walls while walking to the kitchen till you see someone’s back, cooking something, smelled like pancakes. his back turned around, “youre awake?” you nodded.

“did you sleep here, bin?” he nodded, “i fell asleep on the couch, i was planning to drive back home but yea” he shrugged. “i see. are you making pancakes?” “yea, i made some hangover soup for you too. go wash your face first”

after brushing your teeth and all, you started eating the soup hanbin made for you, “bin” he looked at you with pancakes full in his mouth. you chuckled, “i want to ask you something” he nodded, “go on”

“did i do something yesterday..?” he tilt his head, “what do you mean?” you sighed, “did i… sleep with someone..?” he stared at me with a shock face “wh-.. i.. uh.. no..” you frowned, “really? youre not lying right?”

she doesn’t remember.

but she has the right to know, hanbin.

you shrugged, “i asked because when im drunk, i’ll wake up with someone beside me. but, i’ll just believe you. thank you for the soup, i feel so much better now. youre done right? i’ll go wash the dishes” you were going to take his plate but he hold your wrist, “i lied.” you looked at him, “hm?” you sat back down.

“i..u- we..” he stuttered. “what is it?” you asked. “we..” we?… oh … oh. “hanbin, did we..?” he tries avoid your eye contact, “i couldn’t.. hold myself.” he sighed, “imsosorryiknowyouhatemenowyoucanpunchmeslapmeitsmyfault” you chuckled and hold his hand, “hanbin, i dont hate you.” he looked up to you, “but-“ “im pretty sure its my fault” you looked down. silence came for like 5 seconds till he speaks up, “i didn’t hate it though..” you smiled, “even though i cant remember it, but i didnt regret it. im glad it was you. its really a shame that i cant remember it” you caressed his hand before letting go and took the dishes to go wash it. he sat there, eyes widen a little when he heard you say that. then his mind went back to last night..

“we shouldn’t…” his mouth said it while his body reacted the opposite, his hand on your waist, pulling your close even though he keep repeating shit like “we shouldn’t” “we cant”

“i know you want it too, bin..” he hates how right are you and that he cant deny that. the way your hand feels on him. no, she’s drunk. you cant hanbin. “you wont regret this, i promise.” you whispered as your lips brush against his. im fucked. “ah fuck it” he groans before smashing his lips into yours, immediately entering his tongue in.

pushing you down your bed, both instantly taking off your clothes. “do you have any condom, princess?” you shakes your head, “fuck me raw, hanbin.”

his mind went back, looking down to his pants, seeing his hard cock already bulging the pants. he turned to you at the sink, before biting his lips, trying to stop himself. i didn’t regret it. thats what she said. she didnt regret it.

you heard hanbin standing up from his chair before you feel his presence behind you, when youre about to turn around, he hugged you from behind. “han-“ then you feel it. something poking your ass. he sighed into your neck, “i cant stop thinking about it..” he mumbles. you can feel your face turning red. “you’ll remember this time, princess. please just let me..” he starts grinding on you slowly. you turned to him, “do whatever you want to me, bin.” he stared at you before smashing his lips on yours.

[chaostudee]

the secret of us , chapter four.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

a couple of hours later you are at home getting ready with your friends to go out but you cant help it when your eyes briefly scan the piece of paper that lewis gave you.

your cheeks burn as you remember the interaction but you know better that nothing can become of it yet you slip the piece of paper into your purse along with your lip gloss and keys.

once you arrived at the club you followed your friends to the bar where you all bought a round of shots. a couple of hours later you find yourself on the dance floor swaying from side to side with a beer in your hand to the music.

although the main purpose of tonight was to forget him you couldn't help but think about the way his eyes latched onto yours or when your hands brushed when he slipped you his number.

you stop dancing and gulp thinking about it. you look around in the mob of people only to find your friends no where to be found. your first instinct was to find your purse of course which luckily you had but you were distraught to find that your phone was gone.

you put a hand over your mouth in worry and groan as you have a horrible headache from all the alcohol and truthfully it is even hard to stand without feeling dizzy. you sigh as you go to walk outside to go catch some air.

the streets were near quiet and you longed to know what time it was. you bite your lip before taking one last look in your purse only to find the one thing you were trying to avoid. lewis's number. you chuckle realising that you rly have no option since you honestly have no clue of any of your friends numbers and no money for a taxi.

a man nearby is txting on his phone so you go and give it a shot.

"um sry is it okay if i use your phone for one second"

the guy looks up and looks at you weirdly but once noticing that you were desperate he sighs and hands you the phone.

"thank you so much i wont be long"

the man grunts in response. you walk a few metres away and start typing in his number. just as you are about to dial you question why are u doing this? surely there is someone else? but you know right well that there isn't.

you dial and the line starts ringing.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

lewis is sat in a bar with most of the grid sat beside george as he laughs at another joke he made. lewis looks at the clock seeing that it is nearly 2am and sighs.

as he looks around at the decor he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket which is obviously unsual at this hour. he pulls out his phone and sees that it is an unknown caller, his first unstinct is to block but there is only few people who had his number and now you being on of them. he smiles softly to himself realising it could be you.

"hey you okay man?" george asks

"um ye um i got to take this real quick" he says trying to hide his smile.

george nods but narrows his eyes as he notices lewis happy demeanour which was not often seen only on the rare chance he was with someone. george smiles to himself.

lewis walks outside and answers.

"hi"

"oh um hi lewis its me um yn"

"you just couldnt last that long without hearing my voice again"

you blush and chuckle "um well.....no not exactly um...i"

lewis notices your shaky speech. "hey um you okay? he didn't hurt you again did he??"

you let out a sarcastic laugh. "um you know what no im actually not okay you see um this is not even my phone, i lost it, my friends ditched me here at this club, and i had a few too many beers and i feel like shit and now im calling this cute guy that gave me his number because i literally have no one else"

"shit im sry but if you need a lift i can get my driver to pick you up if u want"

"are u sure i dont want to be a burden" you ask running a hand through your hair.

"you're not a burden don't worry and now i can get an excuse to leave this horrible bar"

you groan. "oh god im so sry i totally forgot that george told me he was going out tonight"

at the mention of george you both go quiet.

"please don't mention this to george he would actually kill me if he knew"

lewis nods and looks in the window at his teamate filled with guilt. he looks away. "okay".

"can you send me your location?" lewis breaks the silence with his question. you do as he requests.

"okay ill be there in 20"

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

the cold brisk air nipped at your feet and you couldn't help but shiver in instinct. your eyes scanned the main road waiting for lewis.

momentarily a black limo pulled up and not to your surprise lewis jumped out and looked around frantically for you.

once he had spotted you he sighed in relief and made his way over to you.

"oh thank god you're okay"

you smile shyly at him but you are so utterly exhausted that you can't even utter a word.

lewis catches onto this and nods in understanding. he takes the jacket from around his shoulders and places it on your own. your cheeks redden, his familiar smell wafting into your nostrils.

lewis guides you to the car, opening the door for you, making sure that you are comfortable before going around the otherside and getting in himself.

"you're staying at the same hotel as all the other drivers right?" lewis asks looking over at you to confirm his query. you nod in response before deciding to devote your attention the scenic views of the city.

the moonlight that shone on your face enamoured lewis and he kept glancing at your hand which lay palm facing upwards. he wanted to place his own ontop of yours and intertwine your fingers. he watched as you unwinded the window so that your hair flew ascrew across your face. he wanted to trace your cheek and pull your hair away from your eyes. his eyes scanned your face and watched as your tooth latched onto your lower lip.

his chest constricted when you looked over at him giving him a weird and confused expression.

"why are you looking at me like that?"

"like what?"

"like u want me"

lewis's eyes widen and he chuckles. "you're drunk y/n".

you roll your eyes. "well done for stating the obvious handsome".

lewis narrows his eyes and looks at you. "don't call me that"

"aw i thought you liked that" you say pouting.

lewis shakes his head. "fuck y/n pls stop messing with my head. we both know that sober you would never ever do this shit"

you chuckle. "well that's the fun of it". you take your hand and begin to trace up his arm but he pulls it away.

as the car begins to slow lewis sits up straight. "looks like we are here"

you groan, a sudden rush of nausea hitting you again.

lewis hops out and heads around to your side of the car and opens your door for you.

"are you okay to walk?"

you look up at him and then back down at your feet, you can already feel the blisters forming and your legs feel like jelly.

"um yeah i'll be fine"

you go to stand up but immediately fall and lewis supports his arm around you.

"you sure about that?" lewis chuckles. "god you are so stubborn"

"here sit down so i can take these off" lewis instructs as he points to your heels.

he glares at you and you obey. lewis gets down on his knees as he begins to unbuckle your heels. your heart is racing as his fingers brush the side of your leg. sure your head was woozy and you were most likely not going to remember this in the morning but when lewis looked up at you, holding your pair of heels in his hand you wanted nothing more than to kiss the shit out of him.

lewis eyes your feet and notices a trickle of blood coming from your heel. "fuck y/n you could have told me you were in pain" he says frustrated with you.

"i'm sorry" you mumble "i just didn't think you would care that much".

lewis shakes his hand and brings his hand to his forehead. "i care abou y/n okay so please don't keep anything from me, you can trust me i promise".

his words seem so sincere and his hand on your thigh is comforting in a way.

"okay?"

"okay" your reply.

lewis looks at the hotel. "what floor are you on?"

"oh god um i think it's 24 or 25 fuck idk i'm sorry"

"it's okay i'll figure it out"

lewis wraps his arms around you and lifts you up into his arms.

"what are u doing"

"i'm carrying you because you are certaintly not walking that distance"

you want to protest but don't.

lewis carries you up multiple flights of stairs before you make it to your door.

lewis allows you to get out of his grip as he tries to open the door. he takes a credit card from his wallet and uses it to unlock the door. shockingly it worked.

lewis helps you into the room and sets you down onto the bed. he watches as you collapse onto the bed and lay there in a ball. your dress begins to ride up and he quickly looks away.

"y/n sweetheart you have got to get changed i don't want you to be uncomfortable and also your makeup"

you groan in reponse, too tired to function.

lewis sighs. "come on i'll help you". lewis helps you sit up and you rub your eyes trying to rub your eyes free of sleep.

you sit up reluntantly. "um my pyjamas are in the top drawer over there" you mumble pointing the to top dresser.

lewis opens the drawer and picks out a set and throws it at you.

"thanks"

"um can you turn around real quick"

he coughs. "oh yeah yeah i'm sorry"

you change in the nick of time and then you are greeted by an awkward silence.

"you can go now" you say stifling a yawn.

lewis's eyes widen. "um okay....are you sure though?"

you hesitate but nod firmly. "you should get back to the guys"

"i don't really want to go back to them though" he admits with a shrug.

"then go home get some rest you had a long weekend" you suggest as a compromise.

"but i don't want to leave you here alone"

"but i'm always alone"

"yeah but you don't have to be"

"lewis...."

"please just let me stay"

"well you can sleep on the couch ig"

"thank you".

"no problem okay well um goodnight lewis and thanks for everything tonight it means alot".

lewis nods. "i'm here for you y/n whether you like or not".

you smile shyly and hop into bed as you watch him walk out of the room. it wasn't long before you had drifted off into a deep sleep.

lewis tossed and turned on the couch and the constant ticking of the clock bugged him. the light that emerged from your room enticed him. he couldn't stop thinking about you. part of him knew he was being crazy. he practically begged you to stay over and you hardly even knew eachother but even so he wanted nothing more than to be close to you.

lewis gets up and hovers outside your door before making a peek into your room. he smiles seeing your stoic figure in a peaceful sleep. upon spotting an armchair at the side of the bed he sat down in it as he kept a watchful eye on you. as the night passed his eyes fluttered and it wasn't long either before he had drifted off aswell dreaming about the company he had enjoyed that day and how he was hoping for many more days like today.

taglist ⭑.ᐟ

@rafeyybabyy

@lottalove4evelyn

@sweetestgirlintown111

[morganwrites12672]

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: Rafe realizes he needs to get clean. You help him start the journey.

Warnings: Drug Abuse Mentions, Withdrawal, cursing, etc, if any of this triggers you please do not read it.

A/N: This is what won my recent poll, so enjoy! Also, please reblog or leave a comment, this fic was not easy to write and took a lot of time.

--------------------------------------------------------

Rafe woke up not knowing where he was. He opened his eyes to a light grey wall facing him. He winces as he feels the pounding headache from last night's festivities. The last thing he remembered was doing a line of coke with Topper.

He soon sees a familiar hoodie draped on the back of a chair and realizes he's in your bed. You weren't at the party so he can't figure out why the hell he would be in your room.

He gets out of bed and walks toward the door before opening it and walking out into the hallway. He hears noises in the living room and walks in there to find you, pacing on the phone.

You look at him and speak into the phone, "Oh, he just woke up I'll text you later." Before setting down the phone and crossing your arms.

You were not happy to say the least. But you couldn't be mad at Rafe. It wasn't his fault. You were mad at the world.

"I, what happened?" Rafe stumbles over his words. He clasps his hands together to prevent you from notving.how badly they were shaking. His heart was beating out of chest over worrying about how he found you.

"I got called to the party by a very coked out Topper to take you home. Rafe, we need to talk about this," you say and Rafe knows exactly what you mean.

He sits on the couch and you take a seat a few inches away from him. You reach out to take his hand and he gladly grasps yours.

"I need to quit, I cant. I can't get through the withdrawl," he says while looking at the floor. You nod before speaking.

"You're going to kill yourself if you don't stop. And I won't stay around while you do it. But if you want to get clean, if you really do, I will help you every step of the way," you say as tears threaten to spill down your cheeks.

"I don't want you to have to do-" you cut him off.

"Rafe, I love you and I will help you get through it," you state and he nods as a tear slips down his face.

"You know how bad it's going to be?" He asks before looking you in the eye for the first time that day.

"We can handle it," you promise and he nods.

--------------------------------------------------------

It has been three days since Rafe had began getting clean. The worst day so far. But it wouldn't be the worst day to come.

Rafe had barely left the bed at all. He couldn't stay awake and he was barely eating. He felt like shit all day but you stayed by his side.

But today was when the anger set in. You both knew it would happen. Rafe had a little bit of a temper and the withdrawal would definitely bring it you.

"God Y/N, why do you care so fucking much?" He screams at you. The only thought going through his head was how he was going to get more coke. He needed the relief.

"Rafe, I'm not going to fight with you. This is the withdrawal, not you." You state and manage to keep from bursting into tears.

"You don't care about me, you just care about feeling good about yourself!" He yells, "You just want to fix me! Well guess what you bitch? I don't need to be fucking saved!" He screamed before running off to your guest room and slamming the door.

You let out a shaky breath as a tear slips down your face. Seeing Rafe like this hurt so much. Your heart was being ripped to shreds from the inside out from seeing him like this.

But it would all be worth it. Rage would get clean and he would go back to the man you fell in love with. You had spent hours on Google and from what you learned the worst of the withdrawal would be over soon.

After an hour, Rafe begins to calm down. He realizes how fucked up the things he yelled at you were. The immense out of guilt in his stomach made him want to throw up.

He ran to the bathroom as the overwhelming wave of nausea over took him. After finishing vomiting and cleaning off his face (and quickly brushing his teeth), he needed to find you.

He left your guest room and went straight to your room. He knocked before opening the door to see you.

He shut the door behind him before crawling into bed with you. You wrap your arms around him as he cries.

"I'm the one who should be hugging you, I-I said all of those. Those horrible things about you," he cries into your shoulder.

You snake your hand under his shirt to run soothing circles on his back, "Rafe, it's okay." A few silent tears slip down your cheek as you soothe your lover.

"It's going to be okay Rafe," you say in an almost whisper.

He feels his eyes get heavy as his breathing slows before he falls asleep on your chest. You look down at his peaceful figure and smile. He would have a little peace for now.

He was getting paler and you could already tell he was losing weight. His eyes stayed droopy and unfocused, he never stopped fidgeting. It pained you to see him have to suffer like this.

But you would help him get through it.

[thewertsearch]

?GG: im through humoring you, i dont even care about this stupid exploded robot mission, whatever that was FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION FCG: SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT

I'm not complaining - believe me, I'm not - but it sounds like this entire conversation was pointless. If Karkat's plan doesn't kick in until after she Enters, then all this Pesterlog really did was piss Jade off.

I suppose not every conversation needs to be this huge plot-heavy loredump - hell, half of Act 1 was just the kids chilling. Sometimes it's worth it just to sit back and watch Karkat make an ass of himself.

Plus, it's probably a good thing that Jade lost her temper - it probably cleared the air a little. Karkat's been harassing her since day one, and something needed to be said.

?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls ?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade ?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha CCG banned ?TG: from responding to memo. FCG rebanned ?TG: from responding to memo.

Not the double banhammer!

Damn it, I wanted Dave to stay in the mix. Every group chat these kids have is fucking fantastic.

?GG: i also cant wait for past you to past drop dead and go to hell, PAST TENSE!!!!!!!! ?GG: when are those things going to happen?? or will have already past/future happened????? ?GG: i want to put another reminder on my finger so i know when its time to throw a party!!!!

And I think I know which finger you're most likely to use!

FCG: HOW'S THIS FOR A PACT, EVERYBODY. FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY. FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS.

Woaugh,, so you're saying, like, your conversations should respect the linear flow of time, thereby sidestepping the headache-inducing complexities of Trollian's nonlinear messaging?

Dude, that is such a good idea. Why didn't you think of it sooner? Why didn't you think of it sooner, Karkat?

You consult your reminders to get your bearings on what to do next. But you can't remember what they mean at all. You have a feeling these are all useless now.

Many of those reminders were tied to Skaian prophecies, and were probably stored in Dream Jade's brain. To you, they're useless - and it's not like you can make any more.

Jade the Seer is dead.

The hour of the Witch is upon us.

[saintmeghanmarkle]

The irony that Labour UK and Hugh Grant wants laws to restrict negative opinions on Meghan Markle across social media & media by u/Negative_Difference4

The irony that Labour UK and Hugh Grant wants laws to restrict negative opinions on Meghan Markle across social media & media If the looney tunes ever dare accuse us of being racist, this post is your clapback and highlights what we can expect in the future. We always knew there was a double standard here but now it is so blatant every where. The whole post references politics and is political. Labour (opposition) is likely to win the UK election. Please skip this post to avoid politics. Saying that, I will be moderating the post for arguments about political parties. (For example, I don't want discussions about which political party has pledged to fix the potholes, try to stick to the scope, this a lenghty post) 6th Dec 2022 Chris Bryant Labour MP with Hugh Grant at University of WestminsterReferencing Christopher Bouzy's Bot Sentinel analysis of hate on social media and the media. https://ift.tt/pxXOQ6N source: https://youtu.be/QECZY1Eh_w4 Labour MP, Chris Bryant and Hugh Grant (Hacked Off) proposals when Labour come into power Credit: Jon Danzig The same Labour got into trouble today for encouraging racist, sexist abuse towards a British black female politician Kemi Badenoch (ruling UK party - Conservatives)https://ift.tt/tuUsnCW - David Tennant ((Dr Who) said Kemi should shut up and not exist. Watch full video here. Dawn Butler, Labour MP (opposition MP) came out in full support of this. https://ift.tt/onS9cF0 people who cant remember, here is a selection of Dawn Butler's tweets in support of Meghan in the past. She is batshit crazy. https://ift.tt/c2pBPj9 course she has ties with Shouty Shola. I believe that there is a picture of them with Ngozi too.https://ift.tt/nmr0aOH you haven't already, watch TRG's (The Royal Grift's) video on how Meghan Markle claimed in the media that she put her sister, Samatha Markle on the fixated persons list. She did this to critical youtubers - Yankee Wally, Murky Meg and According to Taz too. This video has the clip above of Chris Bryant calling out all these Youtubers for hate and baseless negative opinions on Meghan Markle. Seriously, good video and worth the watchMeghan Markle's Legal Headache Is About To Get BIGGER!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UGyizs0Al0TRG gets a lot of heat here for her views ... but it is shocking to see an MP soft launching this agenda at a UK universities. For those thinking, so what? Well this is how most policies are launched... initially in closed member meetings, then universities and then the public. I haven't heard Labour say anything about online protection / censorship laws during any discussions. And now they are literally telling a black british woman to shut up and "not exist". The whole double standard makes me sick. P.S. I tried tweeting this on twitter and it was an awful experience. The stress of the character limit. post link: https://ift.tt/eErngjx author: Negative_Difference4 submitted: June 26, 2024 at 11:44PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[lovebvni]

the blank space

there is a point between death, endings, and life, beginnings.it is called reincarnation to me but to some rebirth.

this is the period of change, of movement... this is the hard part. the point where we are working for our goals and we barely see anything moving. the point where we get scared, confused, disoriented, distracted.

this period is the only period that is different for every person. it takes different lengths of time, different obstacles we have to overcome, etc.

to work through this point, it is hard but it is all about faith in the cycle, the faith in the blank space, the faith it will be over.

can you stop one path and hop on the next? hell yeah! is it always a good choice? nope! but it is your choice.

where am i going with this?

the fact that we have to keep hope when we're traveling down this journey of manifestation, or shifting, or getting into the void -- whatever it may be! keep hope, in any way you can.

the bible says "walk by faith not by sight" in 2 corinthians 5:7. in other words, ignore what you see and have faith that everything you want is there, or will be!

find something u can hold on to, no matter how dumb it seems, believe it. hold onto it. it can be love, it can be a person, it can be a stuffed animal! remember that's why you started and why you can keep going.

hold onto it in this blank, dark space. it will be okay, I promise you that <3

i hope this helps someone. i will edit it bc I have a headache and im a bit sugar high rn, so I really cant think straight.

love and blessings from the abyss

[babyyweebbitch]

Can i request Vi (Arcane) x overworked female reader?

I go to two schools (one is a music school)

Both schools give a huge amount of homework, the piano teacher is very demanding, I have a piano exam soon (which I don't know if I'll take because I can't remember so many given musical notes) and I also have my high school. I think I'll drop out of one of the schools for my own sanity.

I’m a crying, stressed out and simply tired mess and i feel like i’m losing control. The worst feeling ever🥲

Hug me please 😫

omg baby i’m so sorry! :( that’s a shit ton of stress and honestly i feel u with the stress! im currently very stressed out too and i hope things get better for u :) HERES A HUG

content warning : female reader , crying , stress

you were a collage student, currently in your second year of collage plus you also had a good paying job you worked at after school. the schedule was you go to school and mid day you left to go to work. that’s how it’s been since you got this job three years ago. recently there was an exam happening and you had to study during your breaks at work.

you recently got a new boss who has been an absolute asshole to you and a few other people and they’ve been working you like a dog. they changed your hours so you had to go home later leaving you barely any time to study and sleep. now your schedule was all fucked up… Vi noticed and has tried to help you but you always say you got it and that you didn’t need any help. she didn’t buy it honestly

it was getting closer and closer to exams and everything was getting to be too much. during one of your days off from work you studied all morning and part of the afternoon at your desk in yours and Vi’s shared room. she was sitting on the bed with her headphones in scrolling through social media. your phone vibrated and you glanced at it… it was your boss

‘i need you to come in for work today, in about 20 minutes please’ the text read. you don’t know why but reading that made you tear up, you started crying… no, sobbing. you placed your head on your desk and sobbed. vi moved her phone a bit to check on you and saw you sobbing at your desk. she immediately jumped up

“baby?! baby, what’s wrong?!” she asked, going over to you. she rubbed your back and you reached over to hug her, very tightly and just cried into her shoulder. she rubbed you back and she picked you up, carrying you to the bed “cupcake…”

“t…this is too much! vi…. i ca…i cant!” you said through cries. you gripped onto her shirt, she sushed you and held onto you

“i know…. i know — it’s alot…” she said in a soft voice, holding you until you were calmed down. after you calmed down you sat up and looked around “why don’t you take a b—“

“i gotta go to work! fuck!” you said, trying to stand up to get ready but she grabbed your arm. you looked at her and she tilted her head to the side. without saying a word you knew what she was trying to say “Vi i can’t”

“please…. you have too, it’s not good on your body”

“they will fire me…”

“fuck ‘em…. baby, if you take on anymore stress it will cause damage to your body. you’re already getting headaches and i can tell your hands are sore”

“how did you know about the headaches…”

“i saw the three bottles of Tylenol in the garbage when i went to take it out this morning”

you sighed and sat back down on the bed. you looked down

“and taking that much is gonna fuck up your body too”

“what do i tell them…”

“quit… find a new job — i’ll start charging more for my fights until you’re done for the summer”

“but the apartment…”

“we both have enough money to pay for it, plus the fights — i get alot for them. baby we will be fine for a few months” she said “i’ll even text ‘em for you!” she said, going to get your phone and unlocking it. she started typing away at your phone and you realised you’re trusting Vi to text your soon to be ex-boss

“please don’t be mean…”

she paused for a second…. then you heard her erasing the message

“Vi!”

“what?! you’re trusting me to do this for you!” she said in a joking tone. you laughed before snatching the phone from her and typing away. she placed her head on your shoulder to see what you were typing as you did. once you were done you placed your phone down and vi smiled. she stood up and started to get you clean clothes and went to the bathroom. you got up to follow her and see what she was doing — especially with your clothes

“whatcha doing?”

“starting a bath — for you! you deserve it” she said, starting to run a bath for you. she did everything the way you liked it and was surprised she got everything right, she’s only ever watched you do it so she decided to try. she helped you undress and get into the bath. she started helping you get clean and she hummed as she did.

the entire time you didn’t talk but the silence between you two was very calming to the both of you.

this isn’t the best but i hope u like it :)

[vypridae]

HOPE YOUR HEAD FEELS BETYER!! HEADACHES SUCK

anywayys requesting mori or tecchou or fyodor for the character thing [or bc you don’t need to do all of them pick and choose <3]

DOING ALL OF THEM i cant do the doodles i dont have the motivation for art rn i lied about that BUT ILL DO ALL THREE OF THEM

under a cut because these got LONG

MORI

first impression

honestly i think when i first met mori in the anime i was like oh hes sweet i like him . then it was the whole "woah port mafia boss!!!!" thing and i was like oh hes sweet and deadly i like him .

impression now

i love him soo much did you know. hes so fun hes just a silly guy . silly !!!

favorite moment

honestly the moment (from the manga specifically) thats stuck with me the most was the frame that he like, put tachihara's hd hat on his head and was like "you dropped something" it just STUCK with me

outside of canon manga stuff tho i love the little intersection in wan ep 11 that hes like "WHAT DID YOU SEND ME DAZAI ... THESE ARE ... SCARY!!!!!" like hes just so silly i love him

idea for a story

genuinely i do not think about story ideas enough to have a solid one for him but if it counts i often think about him accidentally stealing one of fukuzawa's scarves from That Era i forgot how old he was at the time . and then just keeping it . and fukuzawa finds out somehow . i love them shut up

unpopular opinion

uhhh liking mori in general FSJKHASJKHASFJKG like have you seen this fandom . 99% of the people here fucking hate mori with a passion . and just liking him is super controversial . aside from that though ive seen analyses (tending to be like "mori and pedophilia" or something along those lines) and honestly they make me feel like hes just being really uuuh whats the word. really abstract with how he says things i guess? like one in particular i remember was a word in the original manga (jap) and he said a word that means both "wife" and "thing by my side" or something like that, when theres so many different words he could have used if he wanted to be Creepy specifically. idk theres my mori opinion its so controversial i know block me if u'd like but i love him

favorite relationship

HAHA zskk . easily . love those dumbass gayasses

favorite headcanon

uuuuuh . probably trans mori honestly FJKHASDFGHADFG maybe im biased (trans) but like ... idk i am very biased about this

TECCHOU

first impression

genuinely when i first met all of the hunting dogs i forgot all of their names immediately . as chapters went on though i think the two main things i remember thinking "hes adorable" and "hes in love with jouno 100%"

impression now

i . love him . so much . he is the silliest little guy ever and hes also me . also hes still in love with jouno btw

favorite moment

every one of them /j no but fr in specific i love the ant scene (it was one of the only ones i remembered from the manga after i read that chapter i think), the justice speech / kenji fight (GOD hes so cool) and when he gets hit by the car (that was THE FUNNIEST ever)

idea for a story

oh my god okay so imagine jouno is sick and tecchou is taking care of him . that is all

unpopular opinion

i dont actually think i have an unpopular opinion for tecchou . at least not one that i can think of???? like with tecchou i think most of my hcs line up with how a lot of the fandom talks about him

favorite relationship

EASILY WITHOUT A DOUBT ITS SUEGIKU OH MY GOD

favorite headcanon

he can cook !!!!! he can cook really well and i like to imagine even though he refuses to eat anything thats not the same color he likes cooking stuf he knows jouno likes and doesnt force him to eat any of his "weird" food combos because he knows jouno doesnt really like stuff like that so he cooks how jouno likes for jouno and how he likes for himself . UAHUAUAHGUA

FYODOR

first impression

i think i initially went "oh my god" when i saw fyodor . fell for him IMMEDIATELY and also initially hated fyolai???

impression now

still falling . now love fyolai . improvements !!!

favorite moment

YES. /j

in all seriousness, some of my favorite moments with fyodor are uuh

the dead apple scene where hes on the rooftop and goes "this is too much fun :)" because i think honestly that scene made me fall SO HARD . also he just looks really pretty there dont question me

time for happy group counseling hour !!!!!! hmm? hi everybody im your host fyodor dostevsky- okay hold up stop right there. whats the problem? exactly, what? exactly what what? ooooooooh . life counseling . < that whole scene

ALSO THE THE THE the tHE . WHERE HE KICKS NIKOLAI'S BOOMBOX IN THE MANGA. HSE SO MEAN I LOVE HIM

idea for a story

oh my god. ok so basically . connected oneshots but one member of fyosiglai is individually insecure for some reason and the other two are like FUCK NO YOU ARENT and love them and cherish and praise them until theyre like oguhgug

unpopular opinion

hes pretty i LOVE HIM hes SO PRETTY ive seen HUNDREDS of people say hes UGLY hes SO NOT UGLY i LOVE HI

(in all seriousness, ive seen a lot of people say he'd be like, an abusive manipulative awful husband / boyfriend / whatever, and i literally just cannot see that happening . like, i feel like he'd want the perfect world FOR his s/o, he fell for them for a reason sort of thing . idk maybe i just love him but hgjkahfjkahdfjk)

favorite relationship

fyosiglai. or fyodor and me /j (/hj)

favorite headcanon

UUUUUH UH UH UH UH UH OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY HCS ABOUT HIM I LOVE HIM hes a cat person thats one of my favorites . if there is a cat on his lap he will not move

i also love the idea that he cannot for the life of him play horror games because he gets jumpscared and screams and he HATES that bc "vulnerability bad" (nikolai likes when he plays horror games anyway he thinks its funny when he gets jumpscared and screams really loud)

actually scratch that . fyodor is just bad at video games because i love that idea . hes good at logic games but when it just comes down to "survive!!!" or "do this objective" or something i love the idea that hes just Dog Ass at it

[fictionfixations]

if i had a nickels for every brown-haired fem-presenting protagonist in a mobile game, id have two nickels. also i cant think of any other rn so there might be more (that ive played). also can i just say the visuals are very unique (the surroundings i mean)? like like its. i dont know how to explain it idk this stuff

(this is other protag im referring to. this is mystic messenger. i dont have a better img unlocked so uh. also hi if youve seen my recent mysme posts, i got the good ending :D)

clearly it wants you to explore so i was like 'haha what if ii dont want to'

but like oh

'gosh its just a branch' why did that actually make me jump im crying i just saw something while we were walking and was like 'huh?' and then it cracked when we stepped on it and it startled me i

voiced jumpscare (they(bc idk who tf this is) say 'do not worry' but i pressed past it so ermm oops)

are these guys dateable i know literally nothing about this game im going in blind (which is a first for hoyo games lOl. with the exception of honkai impact since that was my first hoyo game actually.)

his voice is hot. also im playing in jp. idk if theres like some voiced language that is a league above the others, or if youre meant to listen to it in like idk the og language, im just more familiar with hearing jp cause im an anime person

why do i feel like the white doctor person is a villain it honestly reminded me a lot of kafka in hsr's intro (just vibes though..? also vague stuff that probably refers to the future)

also maybe because its the latest actual like 2d sort of visual novel i saw was ddlc, but our protag reminds me a lot of monika. visually i mean. even the facial expressions

oh fuck it kicked me out of the game nOO PLEASE I WANT TO GET INTO IT SEEMS INTERESTING AND I LIKE DETECTIVE LAW SHIT

the pulling animation is pretty but uh. the going through the cards are very bright like the entire screen goes white oh my god this is a bad game to play at 4 am o w oh 💀

i mean like. i dont mind. i play way too many games that arent english voiced to be mad about actually reading

Oh shit it quit me out again WHYYY PLEASEEE

happy that the investigating the surroundings part has like a hint button that highlights what it wants you to find

i dont think anything like that is in danganronpa. or at least v3? i played through it and remember getting stuck on i think it was the 5th trial? dont wanna spoil so ill keep it vague. i got stuck in the investigation portion because i missed that you could click on the sleeve of the jacket (i had to google because my dumbass didnt even think about looking at it 😭)

anyway uhhhhhh

i might make more posts on this? idk. i dont know anything about the story except what ive gone through so far and im starting to get a headache cause words so er im gonna stop here

[cpunkwitch]

answering my own questions

[pt: answering my own questions]

dont really get sent anything and not many people sent in the questions when the games were posted and reblogged, and i wanted to talk about stuff, so here we are.

this might end up being a multiple part post series?

ask game one (link)

(if comfortable) tell us about your condition? as much info as youre comfy with sharing.

i have a defect in the base of my spine, since i was born its caused me chronic pain all throughout my development and in recent years its only gotten worse, twisting my spine, headaches, jaw issues etc. i've also got highly suspected rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia and ive been diagnosed with a pretty bad case of anemia so bad that everytime a doctor looks at my results after bloodwork they give me a pained look and say "heyy...did you know your iron is low? like...really really low?". that and a hand full of other things, vitamin deficiencies, etc. i dont mind talking more about this

2. do you know about the spoon theory? if yes, what do you think of it?

i'll be honest, the majority of my knowledge of spoon theory off the top of my head is that "drawer with limited supply of spoons" is the disabled way of saying i only have so much motivation and energy (phys, as "battery" usually refers to social and emotional) in me. i've read up on it ages ago but would not be able to put into better words what i still remember about spoon theory (esp since we had a different host back then), i like that its just so much quicker and easier to convey my amount of ability to do things for the day by saying whether or not i have the spoons for it.

i do like to joke that my drawer is always stocked with knives and forks for the ablests, but sometimes that requires spoons to handle too. /silly

3. do you have mobility aids? if yes, which ones? if no, do you want any in the future?

i've mention how i really wish i could have a wheelchair if i were in a different situation, i dont know if i'll ever get one and i almost cried when my brother responded to my joke of "would you make on for me?" with an "i would if i could", i really would like a wheelchair of some kind in the future if the world were more accessible and i were in a safer place. right now though, i've just got my cane that still needs repainting. i guess my moms back brace counts too, i take it with me to work sometimes.

4. how did you find out about cripplepunk? what drew you to the community and movement?

i dont exactly remember but i've known about it for years. i (prev host) might have come across it looking up different punk aesthetics, though im not completely sure why it showed up in a punk aesthetic list, possibly because its punk and people misinterpreted it? my first glimpse was seeing patches on jackets, spiked customized aids, cripples/phys disabled people in your classic punk attire (piercings, dyed spiked mohawks, ripped jeans and fingerless gloves) and i loved it. im a sucker for self expression through appearance and customizing things and then when i found out it was a whole community for support and centered around being physically disabled in general and slowly came to terms with my own disabled body and started accepting myself, i kinda fell in love with cripplepunk in the "this feels like home" sense.

i could probably ramble way more but i'll stop there.

5. if you deal with any kind of pain, what's your method of pain management?

i use hot packs, ice packs, voltaren cream, sometimes i take a cbd gummy, i do little stretches when i remember them, i take walks and hot baths/showers, im trying to go back to the chiropractor and my favourite instructors in rehab (theyre trans friendly and complimented my cane when i first came in with it i love them so much), and i take whatever meds i can, normally anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen but because i cant swallow pills i either take liquid (yeah, childs liquid meds works, the couple hours of mild relief is still worth it) or powdered tylenol or something. the hot/cold stuff depends on the pain and where on my body the pain is.

6. do you stand or sit in the shower or do you prefer baths/find bathing easier rather than showers?

i take baths for my muscles and during the damn monthly ouch in order to relax my body. i take showers just for my shoulders and when im feeling icky and wanna rinse off or something, i take showers on a "regular" basis and i normally stand because the only way i sit is if im crouched in the tub and if i do that i get extra dizzy standing up to get out when i turn the water off. thankfully im no longer near passing out when i take a shower but i still have to sit on the floor matt after because my legs demand rest. i gotta be careful with hot water cuz not only will it make me overheat quickly (i will not realize if in standing in blood-boiling hot water and turning myself into a cooked lobster until after im out) but it can also cause me to literally fall asleep in the bath which can go wrong.

7. do you have a sort of comfort item or safety blanket that helps you feel better, especially on the worst days?

a couple things. a few of them are stuffies/plushies, or music, games or books to help me keep my mind off it i suppose.

8. name 3 things you hate about hospitals/doctors/nurses/the medical system

a) a lot of them refuse to take people seriously or actually listen. sure maybe theyre tired or heard the same shtick before and wanna make sure this person isnt just a drug user trying to pity their way into getting more, but even then all matters a patient presents them with should still be taken seriously and never brushed off or mocked.

b) the fact that the er, the place you take a ticket and wait, is called the Emergency Room, when its normally scheduled appointments and people taken in by the ambulance that are top priority. sure its called the er because most visits through the er are rushed "emergency" last minute visits, people going there because they couldnt schedule an appointment and needed to see someone on that day, but still it feels wrong to call it the emergency room when its really just a waiting room and regardless of the visit they arent actually treated as emergencies. the whole system of just going to see a doctor feels messed up and most of the time you end up just going to see a nurse, get a check up and leave when they tell you what they got after a talk and examination or they schedule to see you again when a doctor is available. because of this i tend to prefer walk in clinics.

c) the fact that they charge to damn much, no matter if youre insured, it still charges so much. no matter what they do. and yeah, healthcare in canada is free to an extent if youre insured but a lot of times they charge more than your insurance can cover and not everyone can get/has insurance. not to mention the medical debt so many people have in america. i get that staff and hospitals need pay and funding but the government should have that covered and not have the patients charged so much for getting help. i almost got charged over 3k just for my short visit to the ward because there was an issue with my insurance and thats a whole angry story for another time.

9. whats an accessibility tool you wish was more accessible/that you had access to?

one of them is aac, the one i have on my phone i have to disconnect my phone to and has a limited amount of phrases i can pick from. id like it better if the app or just aac programs in general when directly to your device speaker by default, had more options for more ease conversing and none of them were behind a damn pay wall, in-app purchase or otherwise. i rarely use it for several reasons but i'd love if i could use it more with less limitations.

also wheelchair ramps. i dont have a wheelchair ramp but i wish people stopped walking on them when theyre clearly able-bodied, i wished my parents taught me and my siblings what the ramps were for and not to run up and down them as well as other parents to their kids because those things are supposed to be clear for a wheelchair user. i also think the corners should be rounded for ease of turning and that wheelchair accessible paths in general should be firm to the ground (not a wimpy matt on the sand that flips over and gets buried on the beach unmaintained), maintained and cleaned regularly, not have any gaps (ive seen so many of the small ones installed in doorways that have a height gap above the ground which causes trouble getting the wheelchair on the ramp let alone through the damn door) and not have railings made of metal if theyre outside (they can often reflect light into peoples eyes and get too hot to touch in the sun both of which are not good issues to have no matter how small they seem.)

those are at least the first to come to mind.

10. whats the worst accessability cockblock you've seen ableds do/make?

theres quite a few i've seen but atm nothing significant comes to mind other than overpricing mobility aids or placing paywalls in front of aids in general.

however there was the few times in more than one school i went to you had to go to the office, provide a 'valid' reason and ask them for a key to the elevator, otherwise they make you take the stairs. i know they do it because they dont want able-bodied kids messing with it n shit but its stupid, it should be accessible to everyone regardless. thank fuck both collages ive been to so far give free elevator use to any staff or student but in the schools i went to i was only allowed have the access key because i couldnt walk up the steps on my sprained/twisted ankle and i had to give it back at the end of every day. the last school even limited my use to just the morning or 1-2 periods that i had on the second floor. nevermind if my locker was up there.

11. whats an accessibility tool youre very thankful for?

screen readers. my little brother uses/used em more than me and i dont use them too often but im glad they exist in general i used them when i was younger and my english teachers gave us work on the computer, i used it like an audiobook and it helped me majorly. i hate that people dont always provide translations to things and make things harder on screen readers by using coloured, tiny, non-serif font-ed or 'quirked' text but ever since i was a kid i was just as happy they existed as i was about braille.

12. name 3 things you like about hospitals/docs/nurses/the medical system

a) that there are some people there who are actually hoping, willing and ready to listen and help others.

b) that they provide things for kids like toys in the waiting room, people who specialize in caring for kids in the hospital, some doctors even have their office decorated. one doctor i went to had her entire office winnie the pooh themed and it helped me out a lot when i got blood work done n stuff, it was really comforting to stare at pooh bear instead of the sharp pokey in my arm.

c) that things are usually kept quiet with low voices, as it reduces risk of overstimulation as well as avoids hurting anyones head and protects privacy of those talking about whats going on. voices are usually only raised to a normal talking level when in the privacy of a nurse or doctor office and its something i dont see really acknowledged anywhere.

13. do you have any favourite disability rep? (media or character)

not picking from my own sources, when it comes to physical disability rep, its hard for me to pick something that involves a realistic character because most of them arent very well portrayed or i cant personally relate to. i can list Freddy freeman as one, hes a crutch user and how the shazam movie portrayed him does well in expressing what ableism can be like for some visibly disabled kids in school. i could probably list some shows that handle disability well through other means if i thought of them, i know theres a few that handle it through super heros being disabled (the one spider-person who's got both a wheelchair and a cane from the recent spiderverse movie for example) or non-human characters having differences that are implied to be disabilities, and i adore that creativity, especially with showing disabled super heros as it tells disabled kids theyre still strong, not broken, they can still be cool and do great things just like able-bodied people. hard for me to name specific things off the top of my head though, guess i like specific tropes around disability rep more than anything. it helps normalize disability and thats what really makes me happy with it. (thats a big reason why i made @/your-fave-is-crippled)

14. least favourite/worst disability rep?

not phys disabled but sia's fucked up movie right off the bat still angers me. i cant name any specifics once again, normally if theres some rep that i dont like i purposely forget they exist to begin with, they arent worth remembering if they arent gonna do it right, y'know? id rather forget and move on than linger and rage about it if i can help it.

15. list some creators (youtubers/bloggers etc) that are disabled and/or cater to a disabled audience that you enjoy? (if any)

@crippled-pvp, @cripple-culture-is are a couple blogs i follow that i enjoy seeing on my dash (sorry if you dont want to be tagged!)

there was a deaf/hoh girl i used to frequent the content of as she talks a lot about signing and i really enjoyed her videos, shes such a sweet person but i never remembered her name nor any of the other creators i watched/followed. no one else comes to mind atm

16. favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

i like that there are people with advice at the ready, whatever question you have or info you need etc, theres always going to be someone with the words you need. i just like how helpful people can be in general in this community and how easily support is accessed through the community.

17. least favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

the fact that theres in-fighting, fake claiming, judgment, quick assumptions, and general internalized ableism still going on when we're supposed to be a community helping each other out not tearing each other down. im not just talking about the fight over "inclusion vs exclusion" on cripplepunk and other sub/separate communities in the disability community.

18. favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

i think my answer to "what drew you to cripplepunk" also answers this.

19. least favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

honestly? none. i hate the people forcing themselves into a space not meant to include them nor benefits them in the first place. i cant actually think of an issue i have with the cpunk community, only issues with people outside being upset over how "exclusive" it is because they want in.

20. free space:

feel free to ask me about any of my answers! i'll make a second post for the second ask game some other time. its currently 11pm and i have to get up early for morning classes yuck

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[rdiowx]

i wanna go back to the monster s/o’s :((

frank’s vampire s/o talking about their past and everything they remember, frank getting jealous when they bring up a pats lover and wanting to prove he’s better. frank letting his s/o bite him when they seem to be starving and then they tell him what he tastes like to fluster him. frank straight up giving them a color that says ‘whore’ and going ‘i got it custom made for you :)’ and then sucking their nipple </3

gee having to secure his werewolf s/o before a full moon just for them to be sad howling and he gives in and untied them. just for them to break out and murder a ton of innocent little animals 😭 and then every full moon after gee cuddles their so/o and lets them enjoy his presence so they don’t endanger society

ray sitting down every meal to the food making itself, when he knows it’s his phantom s/o being nice. walking around the house to see items misshapen any sighing before calling his s/o in to fix it. being nervous whenever his friends come over and his s/o is smirking at him from where nobody else is paying any mind before going and jumpscaring the friends before they leave

mikey being seen entering an expensive restaurant with someone and exiting with someone else. little do they know it’s his s/i either way! they like threatening his social presence and he gets nervous of how people he’ll never see again see him. but there’s always the time mikey had a bad dream and the shapeshifter will turn into a big strong person or a smaller person for mikey to either be held or to hold

I looove monster s/o

Teasing frank about being jealous while he’s sucking on you and telling him that he is the best partner you’ve ever had and you love him and would love to spend the rest of his life with him. (Maybe even the rest of your life if he convinces you to turn him)

Gerard feeling so bad that he has to tie you up but he doesnt want you to get hurt :( or hurt someone else for that matter. But he just cant and he gives in and lets you go and in the morning he cleans you up and patches any cuts you have

Oh and poor Rays friends you’re gonna scar them for life and Ray might even loose a friend or two, but its okay because that means more for you. But you make it uo to him by cooking for him later <3

Ur trying to ruin Mikey’s reputation i swear. People are wondering who the hell this new person his and where the other one went and why they didnt come out of the restaurant but they dont need to know it was you all along anyways cause they arent Mikey.

(Ive got the shittiest headache rn y’all)