#when i put myself into a killer's shoes and feel their joy of the kill its just cause im an empath :) haha :)

[willgraham-manwhore]

Okay so maybe I fell into the deep unsettling comfort of my internal darkness but eyyy come on guys we've all been there!

[winterscaptain]

directors cut on metanoia! it’s one of my favorites for some reason

you ask and i deliver!! metanoia, with commentary, under the cut with my commentary in bold italics

up next: redamancy!!

warnings: discussion of miscarriage 

“Alright, team. This week we’re headed back to Terra Mesa, AZ, for a series of murders at the university.” Penelope stood in front of the screen, outlining the recent crime scene photos as the rest of you looked through the case files. “Some of the residents at the Apache reservation nearby were injured in one of the attacks, and the presumed killer is leaving tokens around the reservation that are currently being treated as threats.” 

Finding an excuse to get back to Terra Mesa was hard, but I managed to figure out something that would be big enough for the BAU to make an appearance without involving other federal authorities. 

Any excuse to see Blackwolf is a welcome one, and I really wanted to bring him back into our world in AJF. He’s such a fantastic character and frankly it’s a crime we only saw him once. 

You all looked to Emily, who nodded once, and the team stood with her. “I’ll start with Derek at the reservation, and visit our old friend John Blackwolf, while the rest of you start building on what they’ve got at the precinct. Wheels up in thirty.” 

+++

Moments before the plane landed, your phone rang. You answered it before the rest of the team could see the name. “L/N...Speaking…Really?” Your voice didn’t give much away, but the team was listening in anyway. “Thank you...I’m currently out of town for work. Can I give you a call when I get home?...Great. Thanks...Yeah, I’ll be in touch.”

Looking back, this was before I moved to present tense and phased out “Y/N” and “L/N” conventions. Oh well. I’ll get over it eventually. 

That’s what the writing process is for, though, right? It’s always changing and always growing. 

You hung up and sat back in your seat. You did your best to school your expression into something pensive and neutral as you stared out the window. 

Pregnant. Again. Fuck.

Elation, fear, anxiety, and anticipation all warred within you. You hadn’t breathed a word to Aaron, even when you realized you were late, or suddenly didn’t like the smell of your own body wash. It seemed reasonable to keep it from him until you were absolutely sure. 

Reading this back while working on the Reality Check trilogy was a trip - I really wanted to lay a foundation for these emotions warring within Mom in this moment and explain why it was so hard to tell Aaron. 

I think I did alright?? 

A false alarm, or worse, would be a damning disappointment. 

+++

You were admittedly distracted as you went through the motions at the crime scene. A fog clouded your head, and you’d zoned out more than once as JJ tried to engage you in conversation. After a while, she decided to leave you alone, only returning when she was finished discussing MO with the officers outside. 

JJ crouched beside you as you took a few more photos. “You alright?”

My dumb ass forgot JJ was eight months pregnant here, but it’s fine. She’s athletic enough to crouch and stand up if she’s careful. 

It was when I was reading this back that I decided to put all the episode/canon notes into a big spreadsheet to keep track of shit. My brain is a sieve. 

“Just fine, Jayje.” Your voice sounded tired even to your own ears. 

She didn’t buy it. Her hand rose to your upper arm, squeezing a little. “I’m here if you need anything, okay? You know that.” 

You nodded. “I know.” 

“I’m serious. Anything.” She leaned in close to you. “And it all stays with me. Nothing goes to Hotch unless you tell me it’s okay.”

This was a line of dialogue looking to include somewhere as well. There’s always that element of discretion because they all work together. Because Hotch was unit chief for so long, there’s always that feeling that mom (or anyone else) could tattle without realizing it. 

I originally had this in a really early one of my fics, when I had Reader joining the team in season one and she and Hotch were married already, but it was scrapped and shuffled into pieces that actually made sense. It was a profiler, profiled episode where mom looked at Derek and said “I’m not my husband. You don’t have to hide from me. Anything you tell me stays right here between us unless you want me to talk to him about it.”

No matter what iteration of Reader I’m working with, there’s always a kinship with Derek. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I feel like he’s slept on within the fandom? Idk I just love him and want him to have friends and adequate support all the time. He and Hotch are such strong folks and it’s a shame the CM writers don’t know how to use the great characters they’ve created. 

You bumped her shoulder with yours. “Thanks.” 

Thoughts raced around in your head on repeat. There was part of you that wanted to tell Aaron right away, just step out and call him right then. Another part of you couldn’t fathom putting him at risk for that kind of loss again. Not after the first time. 

What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, and you could handle it on your own, right? It wouldn’t be so bad to wait another few weeks? Just until the end of the first trimester. 

+++

Three days into the case with very little progress, the director was under pressure to have this case solved, and solved quickly. Working closely with the Native American community was good PR for the FBI - failing to solve a case as more university students were murdered was decidedly not.

Thus, Aaron was flown in from Quantico Hello, passive voice! Nice to see you! to oversee the investigation, and act as a liaison for additional support, should it become necessary. I had to figure out how to get Section Chief Aaron out here...Once again, your emotions were at war. It was always a delight to have him by your side in the field, but he’d know something was on your mind. If he asked you outright, you couldn’t - wouldn’t - lie to him. 

Aaron arrived at the precinct faster than you expected. He held back a smile when he saw you, electing to re-introduce himself to the police chief and make nice before formally stepping in as the FBI authority on-site. You were the only member of the team that didn’t already know everyone - the Terra Mesa cult killings were before your time at the BAU, and indeed even before your time at the FBI. 

This was before I had a “real” ajf timeline, so I sprinkled little things in here to help myself when I actually sat down and put it all together. 

Emily had you bouncing between the crime scene and the precinct, so you had yet to visit the reservation. The infamous Blackwolf was still a mystery to you, but you’d heard a great deal about him from Aaron. 

“Hotch, Y/N, can you take a trip to the reservation to see how Spencer and JJ are getting along? We want to make sure we’re doing everything we can to work collaboratively with Blackwolf, and I’m sure another familiar face would go a long way.” 

In the car, Aaron held your hand. It was nice to have him out in the field, a rare occurrence these days. You often missed him during the longer cases, but it was much more fun to talk about your day when he wasn’t beside you for most (if not all) of it. 

My mom just said something about this regarding quarantine - she’s like “it’s so boring to tell your dad what I did all day while we were...sitting next to each other working from home.” 

I laughed. 

Unlike Strauss, he was very-hands off with the units under his jurisdiction, and it worked. It kept him out of the field and on the good side of the unit chiefs. The section was performing beautifully, with few bureaucratic hangups and even fewer infractions. About halfway through the drive, a smile crossed his face. 

Any opportunity to emphasize that Aaron is really capable of taking over the bureau is an opportunity I’m going to seize. 

“What’s funny?” You asked, laughing a little. There was something warm in your chest that bloomed whenever Aaron smiled, and the joy usually bubbled out of your mouth - often without permission. The rare treat almost made you forget about the rock in your stomach. Almost. 

“I want to see something when we get to the reservation.”

“Oh?”

He nodded, a secret little smile still on his lips. “Just trust me and follow my lead.”

You scoffed. “Don’t I always?” You paused, and he raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth. “Wait. Don’t answer that.” 

And thus a very early indicator of their dynamic is exposed…

This is the fun thing about writing out of order - there’s something so exciting about going back and reading stuff when you’re building up to a certain point and finding the groundwork you’ve already established. It’s like building the roof of the house before the foundation and then you’ve suddenly got a whole house. It’s cool. 

He smiled at you before schooling his expression into his normal resting skepticism and removed his hand from yours as you approached the reservation. You wiped the pout off your face after a moment, falling into the professional modality you’d developed prior to Aaron’s promotion, when you had to keep your hands each other in the field. 

Those years were brutal. 

Brutal, indeed, and I can WAIT to explore them further!! We’ve got three years where mom and Aaron work together on the same team before he’s promoted and I’m so excited to see how that dynamic works out once the team is made aware of their relationship. 

You placed your sunglasses on top of your head as you stepped out of the car and followed Aaron to the reservation school. 

“Hotchner.” A handsome, well-built man with an impressive knife on his belt called out to you from across the courtyard, and a small smile broke out across Aaron’s face. 

“Blackwolf.” 

They exchanged firm handshakes, and Blackwolf’s attention fell to you. You watched as his eyes quickly jumped from your face, to your gun, to your engagement ring and down to your shoes, before returning to your eyes. 

I LOVE JOHN BLACKWOLF!!!

“Agent Y/N L/N. Your reputation precedes you,” you said with a smile and an extended hand. 

Blackwolf snorted, but took your hand in a firm, warm grasp. “I’m sure it does, if Agent Hotchner here has anything to do with it.” He glanced at the both of you and turned. “Follow me.” 

If we don’t start with snark when we meet Blackwolf, what do we have left? 

Nothing. 

He took you around the reservation, explaining the possible weaknesses in defense should the serial killer jump the highway. You and Aaron trailed a little behind him as you walked, but Blackwolf never looked back as he spoke. 

He was explaining the possible positions of an attack from the hill, and the possibility that their assailant could attack from any direction, but “...that shouldn’t be an issue for Agent L/N.” He glanced back at Aaron, the first time he’d done so. “Was it your influence that inspired your fiance to carry two guns, or did she start doing that on her own?”

THIS LINE RIGHT HERE is what started this whole fic for me. I thought of including John in AJF really early on, and I knew right off the bat that Aaron was going to trick him and not tell him that he and Reader are together as a kind of test. This moment always existed as John passing that test with flying colors. 

You glanced up at Aaron, eyes wide and alarmed. Aaron only smiled at you and replied, “I taught her. She carries hers -”

“On the offside, I know,” he finished. “It’s smart, if you’re into that sort of thing.” 

Aaron huffed a laugh. “Don’t start.” 

You sputtered a little, and you lost step with them for a moment before jogging to Aaron’s side. “Hold on, back up. How did you…?” You were speechless, to say the least, and you could tell Aaron was doing everything in his power to keep from laughing out loud. 

This scene was so alive in my head, and I’m really pleased with how it turned out. There were like eight or nine different versions of this dialogue I worked on before settling on this one. 

Finally, Blackwolf stopped and faced you, gesturing to you as you spoke. “Just like with Agent Hotchner’s left, your right step is slightly heavier, and you favor your right arm for balance when you walk. When you walk beside him, you’re on his right, placing your weapons on the outside of your frames for the best defense. Now, whether or not you do that on purpose I don’t know, but it’s an inherently protective posture.”

You blinked rapidly for a moment, adjusting to the onslaught of information. “How did you know I was engaged to him?” You threw a thumb in Aaron’s direction. 

He raised an eyebrow, and a smile ghosted across his face. “Can’t give away all my secrets, now, can I?” 

The truth of it? I have no fucking clue how he’d figure that one out so I just left in another “Blackwolf Magic” moment. 

A laugh left you. “That’s fair enough.” 

He opened his mouth and took a breath as if to speak again but closed it, squinting at you. You swallowed, feeling very exposed all of a sudden. His face transformed then, as if he’d realized something. “You should ask Agent Hotchner about perception. He may have learned a few things since last I saw him.” 

This was almost the big reveal, but then I realized John would have more tact than that. And it also wouldn’t be long enough, not to mention deeply unprofessional :)

You looked up at Aaron, but he only rolled his eyes good-naturedly at his friend and kept walking. 

+++

The way Aaron was around Blackwolf made your chest hurt a little less. They were like a pair of kid brothers - giving each other a hard time and cracking wise whenever they got the opportunity. Weak insults like “Captain America” and “Fortune Cookie” ran abound when out of earshot from the local officers, but there was a kind of deep respect and hard-won warmth that flowed freely through all their interactions. 

“What happened the last time you were out here?” You asked Aaron, on the way back from the university one night. 

Aaron looked at the road as he replied with a quirk of his lips. “I learned something.” He reached for your hand, and you held his in both of your own, kissing his knuckles. 

I really believe Aaron learned so much out in Terra Mesa in season one. There’s such a distinctive, yet subtle, shift between the Aaron who rolls up completely skeptical and the Aaron who’s willing to accept that “there are many roads that lead to the same place.” 

I LIVE FOR MEN WHO TEACH AND CHALLENGE EACH OTHER!!! 

+++

It was only when you were alone with Blackwolf, days later, scouting terrain on the border between the university and the reservation, did you ask him. “Were you going to say something earlier, on the first day Hotch was here?”

I love it when Mom calls Aaron “Hotch” at work, even when they’re alone. Makes me all soft. 

He nodded, crouched and studied the thicket-lined path. “I was.” 

You waited patiently and did your best to see what he saw. It was a hopeless endeavor. All you saw was a well-worn path surrounded by bushes of indistinguishable varieties.

“I was going to ask you when you’re due, but I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.” He looked up at you with a crooked little smile. “Congratulations.” 

How on Earth…

Breathless laughter punctuated your next words. “Okay, I knew it was a possibility that Aaron had told you we were together, but I haven’t breathed a word about that to anyone...yet.” You sobered for a minute, thinking of the last time. 

He must have seen your face drop, because he stood and placed a hand on your shoulder. There was an understanding in his eyes, gentle and familiar. He treated you like he’d known you all your life, and you were grateful he took you as seriously as he did Aaron. “How many?”

There were so many options for this exchange as well, but I ended up loving the simplest one. There isn’t much that he needs to say. There’s a connection, I believe between Blackwolf and Hotch, and I wanted to extend that link to mom as well. 

Your lip quivered and your eyes stung. You swallowed, doing your best to keep it together. “Just the one.” 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

You whispered your thanks and smiled a watery smile at him before wiping your eyes and getting back to business. “Did you see anything of use over here?”

He dropped his hand from your shoulder and followed your eyes down the path. “No, nothing here. We should track back to the reservation and see if our guest left anything new for us to find.” 

You turned, but a hand on your forearm stopped you. “You and Aaron are more alike than different in this, I think, so I’ll tell you this.” You met his eyes, and he seemed to almost look through you as he spoke. “Some things are meant to be carried together. Joy and grief are two of those things that are too heavy to bear on your own. Tell him today.” He released your arm and continued ahead as if he’d said nothing at all. 

There’s so much respect in accepting someone’s vulnerability, and then moving forward. It’s doesn’t change how that person sees the other. It’s just human. It’s part of them, and it doesn’t need to color every interaction from that point forward. 

My best friend calls these “so noted” moments. You just take the note and move on. 

After a moment, you followed him. 

The man really is like a fortune cookie. 

But he’s right. 

+++

You returned to the precinct with a lighter step than before, Blackwolf on your heels. Aaron squinted at you as you walked in, and you could tell he knew something had changed. 

Emily and Derek flew through the door behind you, and John pulled you back by the elbow to avoid getting run over in their haste. 

Contact!! I wanted to establish a little more familiarity between reader and John after their conversation. It was vulnerable and shifted their boundaries just enough for Aaron to notice. 

“We have a lead. Get roadblocks up now,” Emily had her phone out and was on the phone with JJ, who was at the university with Spencer. She spit instructions in only the way she could, and Aaron was hot on your heels as Emily tossed you the car keys and you all flooded out of the building. 

The takedown was decidedly eventful, and JJ got a black eye for her trouble. Dave took care of her by the ambulance while Emily directed traffic. You got caught up taking a few statements from the neighbors, and it was late evening by the time you were all on your way back to the hotel. 

In the car, Aaron was quiet. Your hands were linked over the center console, and he rubbed little circles into your skin. 

“What’s going on with you, honey?” He knew better than to look at you while he asked, but his circles never ceased or stuttered or hiccuped on your hand. 

You sighed. “Can I tell you when we’re back at the hotel?”

He nodded. “So, something is on your mind?”

“Yeah.” 

“Good, bad?” His tone was prompting, but not pushy, and you appreciated it. 

You tried to offer him a smile. “Good, I think.” 

He squeezed your hand. 

Again, any little moment where I can just let the implication speak for itself is one I’m going to grab. They don’t need to be crazy verbose or explain themselves. They just get it. 

And they TRUST EACH OTHER!

+++

You dropped down into the middle of the bed, crossing your legs. Aaron sat across from you, mirroring you with his legs crossed and his hands loose on his knees. 

Pajamas were on, teeth brushed, and you were both ready for bed. 

You heaved a deep breath. “So, John said something to me today that had me thinking.”

Aaron’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “He has that effect on people.” 

“So I’ve heard.” You took his hands. “He said to me today that there are some things that are meant to be carried together, and that joy and grief are two of those things.” 

I’d like to think the way Reader started this conversation really freaked him out, but he does his best to stay cool and I’m really proud of him. 

His eyes were soft and patient as he waited for you to continue, his mouth relaxed. 

“My doctor called today -”

“Are you alright?” He couldn't help but interrupt, and a little huff of a laugh left you. 

Ah. There it is. He can’t help himself. 

Can you blame him?

“Yeah, I’m fine. She just wanted to tell me I’m due in March, is all.” You let the words tumble out as casually as possible, but your shaky breath betrayed you. 

Aaron was quiet for a moment, just looking at you. After what felt like forever, he pulled you forward by your hands, and you crawled into the hollow haven of his body. His hand traced over your arm, the other resting over your temple, as if to hide you from the world. 

“Are you upset?” You asked, your voice small. 

You felt him shake his head. “Not even a little. In fact, quite the opposite.” He kissed your hair. “How are you feeling?”

The lack of big response was really important to me. If he’s gotten really excited, I think mom would have felt undue pressure, and I think he knew that. 

It’s another moment where I got to show that Aaron fully understand what she needs at any given point, and that fact itself isn’t necessarily significant enough to be acknowledged on its own. It’s tacit. 

Your fingers wrapped around his arm, and he took his hand from your face, curling his arm around your waist. “I’m really happy, but I’m really scared too...I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, sweetheart.”

Tears pricked at your eyes. “I just - I don’t want to fuck it up this time.” 

His hands stilled, and he grew quiet, his voice low. “What?”

“I don’t want to lose this one and I was scared to tell you because if I told you and we lost him, you would be sad and I just don’t want you to be sad and I don’t want you to lose anyone else, ever.” You weren’t sure you were coherent, but that just about summed it up. 

That’s the wild thing about grief, you know? It puts all these wild stories in your head that it’s your fault, even when people you love tell you otherwise. 

I think even after faith, and even after how well Aaron handled the loss - so supportive and affirming the whole time - there’s this doubt that she’s not good enough, that she could have done something differently. 

It’s a doubt Aaron recognizes in himself, and it breaks his heart. 

“Baby, look at me.” 

You leaned back and met his eyes. He held your gaze as he spoke, almost unblinking. “You did not fuck anything up. It was not your fault. These things happen, and yes, they’re sad. Yes, I grieve for the child I didn’t get a chance to meet. Yes, it’s painful. But honey,” there was a desperate edge to his voice and he wiped your tears away with his thumbs, “you’re my partner and I love you. You don’t have to go through anything alone ever again.”

You nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away.” 

He pulled you close again, tight to his chest. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” 

He completely understands. I mean, he’s the guy that kept his separation from his team for weeks without breathing a word. He knew that they would be there for him, but he just thought he could do it on his own. 

These idiots are made for each other, I swear. 

(Well, they are….)

You were quiet for a little while. Then - 

“Did you say him?” Aaron’s voice was nearly trembling. Because you knew him so well, you knew it was barely-contained euphoria. You knew he was holding back because he didn’t want to scare you, didn’t want to get too excited in case something went wrong, but his efforts were futile. You saw right through them, and hoped his joy would last and that the worst was behind you. 

That’s love and trust, babey! 

You turned your head, pressing your nose into his neck. “Just a feeling. I dunno.” 

He sighed, his arms winding impossibly further around you. “We’ll just have to see, won’t we?” 

You nodded into him. 

“When’s your ten-week?”

“Two weeks, on Wednesday.” 

His breath washed through your hair as he pressed his cheek to the crown of your head. “Can I come with you?”

He’s learned so much and I cry about it regularly. I just watched that episode where Haley calls him because she’s at Jack’s doctors appointment and he’s not there and he just screws out up and had a big weep about it. 

You nodded. 

When you woke up in the morning, You were still curled in his arms, on top of the covers, with the lights on. Aaron’s face was pressed into your hair and his body was flush against yours from shoulder to calf. 

One of his (truly massive) hands rested over the waistband of your pajama bottoms. 

It’s going to be okay. 

That concludes this installment! I LOVED going back through this one with a fine-toothed comb. Definitely one of my favorites in this series. I’m so glad so many of you love it like I do!!

[king-finnigan]

Play With Fire - part 9

Sorry that it took a while to update! It’s exam season at the moment and I’m too stressed to write a lot.

By god I’m going to make y’all soft for these two assholes though

Masterlist!

***

He lets go of Jaskier’s hand, leaning on the kitchen table, a sense of determination coursing through his veins like he’s never felt before. “Promise me,” he says.

Jaskier looks at him, confused, curious, fire kindling in those icy eyes.

“Promise me that you’re not gonna walk away from me the first chance you get. Promise me I’m not throwing away the last ten years of my life and my freedom of guilt for you to leave me behind.”

Jaskier blinks, then smiles at him, bright and joyful. “Love, I would never. I would sooner kill every person on this damned continent than leave you behind. I would sooner kill myself than walk away from you.”

And Geralt sees nothing but the bare, honest truth in those ocean eyes. He nods. “Let’s get going, then.”

---

He shows Jaskier where he’s stored his knife set - somewhere at the back of a kitchen cabinet, once bought in the naive hope that he might cook his own meals every night, when he’d first bought this house, before being put away and forgotten over the years. They’re still sharp and clean, and he leaves Jaskier in the kitchen, marvelling over the blades, running a gentle finger across the edge, almost cutting himself - while Geralt goes back to the bedroom.

He takes the duffelbag from under the bed, along with the plastic bag of money. It’s not a lot, only a few hundred bucks, and he considers raiding his own bank account before finding De Vries and Stregobor. He sighs, stuffing the money in the duffelbag, along with half his closet. He supposes they won’t have the time to go shopping once they’re on the run.

A burst of adrenaline explodes in his veins, and he feels dizzy for a split second as he’s sitting there, crouching next to the bag. He’s really doing this. He’s running away with a serial killer to evade going to prison for something that may or may not be his fault - depending on the person you ask.

He’s about to become a fugitive.

He’s about to become a criminal.

He’s about to become an outlaw.

And, as daunting as the idea should be - as daunting as it is, he can’t help the small smile that creeps onto his face. Yes, they’ll have the rest of the world against them, but at least they’ll be on each other’s side.

He stuffs the clothes, the money, his handcuffs, and his gun in the bag, zipping it closed. He barely remembers to put on his shirt and shoes before slinging the bag over his shoulder, leaving the bedroom for the last time.

Jaskier looks up. “Ready, love?”

Geralt frowns, blinking a few times. “Not entirely.” He hands the bag to Jaskier. “Put this in the car, dear.”

Jaskier smiles at him, crows’ feet at the corners of his eyes as he nods, turning around, snatching the car keys off the living room table, heading out of the front door.

Geralt, in turn, goes to the garage. He was supposed to clean out the mess at some point, supposed to make room so he can park his car inside instead of in the street, but he never got around to it. He digs under a few piles of useless rubbish, pulling out three jerrycans of gasoline. He’d once stored them there, just in case he forgot to refuel on his way back from work one day, but he never did, so they just stood there for years, gathering dust and cobwebs.

And now, he finally has a use for them. Just not in a way that he had expected.

He starts with the first one, emptying half of it in the garage - there’s so many wooden planks, bought for building things he never got around to building, he’s sure the fire will catch on soon, here.

He empties the other half in the living room. The other two are spread out over the rest of the ground floor - he supposes that, if the ground floor is completely destroyed, the top half of the house will follow suit. He realizes he never used any of the rooms upstairs. It doesn’t matter anymore, no one will ever get the chance to use them.

He does a mental check, snatching his passport and wallet from his bedroom as an afterthought, just in case. He takes a matchbook from the kitchen, walking to the front door. He lights a match, taking one last look at his house, before staring into the flame, letting it burn up the match until the fire nearly touches his fingers, before tossing it onto the carpet.

He closes the door behind him, just as the first flames start catching on, the gasoline accellerating the fire at a terrifying speed, and as he walks to the car, he can already see the flickering shadows of the windowframes, cast by the flames.

Jaskier looks at him, smiling, as Geralt gets into the driver’s seat, turning the keys in the ignition, starting the car, driving away from the burning remains of his house - the ruins of his life.

---

Going back to the prison is painfully familiar and strangely unfamiliar at the same time. Sure, he’s done this countless of times before, taken these turns day in day out, but never like this - never with someone else sitting next to him, never with any other intention than just doing his job and cashing his next paycheck, never with the knowledge that this is the last time.

He glances at Jaskier next to him from time to time, smiling at the way the brown curls whip in the air coming through the open window, at the way he basks in the sunlight, at the way he looks perfectly relaxed and happy.

And when he gets the overwhelming urge to tell Jaskier that he’s beautiful, he doesn’t hold back, for once.

He stops at the bank on the way to the prison. He looks up as Jaskier says: “Let me.”

He frowns. “Let you what?”

“Get the money, empty your bank account.” He says it so matter-of-factly that Geralt’s almost tempted to just let him, without asking why. Almost.

“They’re gonna suspect something’s up when a stranger empties my bank account.”

Jaskier smiles at him triumphantly, blue eyes shining brightly as he turns around in his seat, facing Geralt. “Exactly! You see, love, I’ve been thinking. They already know I’m a murderer, but they don’t know we’re together now. If I empty your bank account, they might think I’m either holding you hostage or that I’ve killed you and burned your house down. That way, if we ever get caught, you can feign innocence!”

Geralt hates to admit it, but it’s a pretty solid idea. However- “Who says I want to feign innocence? Who says I don’t want to stick by your side if you go to prison?”

Jaskier sighs, reaching forward to softly cradle Geralt’s cheek in his left hand. “If I go to jail, at least let me have the knowledge that you’re still free, love. Let me at least have that.”

Geralt sighs, and even if he’s still reluctant, he can’t say no to those pleading, blue eyes. “Fine.” He takes his wallet, handing it to Jaskier. “Just be careful, dear.”

Jaskier laughs, reaching into the back seat, zipping the bag open and taking the gun out, tucking it into the back of his jeans before he takes the card from Geralt. He’s still grinning as he presses a kiss to Geralt’s cheek. “Love, you know me. I’m never careful.”

Adn when Jaskier leaves the car, Geralt remains seated, hands tightening around the steering wheel, engine still running. And when he sees the younger man walking into the bank, he feels a jolt of adrenaline and deep-rooted arousal coursing through his veins at the sight of the gun sticking out from Jaskier’s waistband.

And when there’s no movement or sound coming from the building for a good ten minutes, he waits patiently - he trusts Jaskier to come out of there unscathed. And when he hears a gunshot ringing out through the street, he jumps a bit in surprise, but keeps his eyes trained on the bank.

And when there are no other signs of life inside the building for another ten minutes, he does start to worry a little bit. Just a little bit.

And when he hears police sirens in the distance, he does grow a bit impatient, a bit more worried.

And when Jaskier runs out of the building with another duffelbag full of, presumably, money, grinning wildly, something  feral in those blue eyes as he jumps into the car, slamming the door behind him, Geralt sighs in relief and takes off at full speed, in the opposite direction of the sirens.

“Everything okay? I heard a gunshot-”

His sentence is cut off when Jaskier pulls his face towards him, kissing him deeply. Geralt smiles, before pulling away, looking at the road again. “I assume that means you’re fine.”

“It does, love. Everything alright.” He sounds out of breath, unbridled joy and wildness on his features. “Was just a warning shot. No one got hurt, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Geralt nods, slowly relaxing into his seat as he takes a detour around the police sirens, to the prison. 

“So,” Jaskier mumbles after a while, “what’s the plan, love?”

Geralt shrugs. “Go to the prison, use the system to find De Vries and Stregobor, pay them a visit, run away together.” He frowns for a bit, letting another idea run through his mind. “Maybe get a dog?”

Jaskier laughs, head thrown back, sunlight bright on his skin, carefree, happy. It’s the most beautiful thing Geralt’s seen in his entire life. 

He takes a mental note, photographing this moment in his mind, storing it away to be remembered until the day he dies - just the two of them, the whole world at their feet, at their mercy, the future bright and wide open for them, full of possibilities.

He never ever wants to forget this moment. He doubts he ever will.

***

Tag list babey! (if you want to be added, just send me a DM or an ask, or put it in the comments, whatever suits you):

@just-a-himbo-and-his-feral-bard, @dandelionslute, @weakforjaskier, @the-blondey, @shipwrecked-nawtali, @bygodstillam, @rum-cream, @random-nerd-3, @allthethingshappening, @agentlewomanandascholar, @tschulijulesjulie, @noobtiedoo, @foddle-the-fiddler, @thenameislion-dandelion, @skai6, @thesmileyplant, @hysteria347, @pensandknittingneedles, @freak-fee-blog, @whenrainbowsend, @flustratedcas, @negatjazzy, @bridgehampton, @lookinforsomeabsinth, @dandelion-and-the-wolf, @sweetiepieplum

[katebacks]

Daddy Issues Part I - Jeon Jungkook (M,A)

— pairing | Jeon Jungkook /Reader — word c | 7,592 — genre | Smut, angst, Stalker au! Killer au! psycho au!, horror. — summary |  [ When you started dating Jungkook, he was your gateway to all the pain but when you finally find out who he really is, you realize it’s too late to go back. You are in danger, and you know it, but worst of all is that you don’t want to escape. ]. — warnings/tags |   Bad words, oral (female receiving). violence, use of alcoholic beverages, drugs, sex, harassment. If you do not feel well with these themes, please do not read.

“Joy, this is a very bad idea, if we're seen leaving school at this time, we'll be suspended.”  You said as your friend pulled you down the corridor to the stairs leading to the first floor where there was an exit to the school garden.

“Sure, and where are they going to send us? We live here, (Y/N), they cannot suspend us because our parents pay for us to stay here and not in our homes.” She whispered, looking from side to side, being careful not to catch anyone's attention. “And today is Friday, we should enjoy our teenage years a little while we still have one, or we'll end up like Mrs. Fritz, unhappy at age 45, with a house full of cats to feed, waiting for death.”

“Okay, and where do you intend to go? The college is in the middle of nowhere, remember? There's only forest on all sides. The city is very far.”

“Taehyung is waiting for us at the entrance of the school. We just need to run.” She said and you rolled your eyes. You didn’t like to do wrong things, at least not anymore.

The last time you did something wrong, you were sent to that boarding school as your father's punishment. But being honest with yourself, you would rather stay there than to be forced to see your father taking a different woman to your home every day. You and your father had lived alone since your mother decided divorce him and marry a richer man. Your father spent most of his time working, or drinking in bars. You had lost count of how many times he had come home drunk and yelled at you, saying that it was all your fault, that your mother had left him was your fault, and when he was sober, even knowing what he had done , he acted as if nothing had happened. Your father had never done anything to physically hurt you, he just screamed how useless you were.

So when he decided he would send you to a boarding school after he had picked you up at the police station one early morning, you couldn’t feel any more relieved to be able to get away from him. You loved him, he was your father after all, but you didn’t want to go through all that humiliation any more. You'd miss your old friends, but it was better that way.

It was two years since you were there, and Joy was literally your best friend, she was the first to talk to you when you arrived and introduced you to all her friends, and they eventually became your friends too. Of all of them, Taehyung was the closest to you, he treated you like a younger sister although you have the same age, but Joy always said he had a crush on you, but you never listened, Joy always spoke too much. But you couldn’t deny that Taehyung was a handsome boy, he had those innocent, sincere eyes and that contagious smile. He was tall and always affectionate. But you would never see him otherwise.

After you reached the school gate, running away from all the night guards, you and Joy jumped on the red Taehyung’s convertible and he sailed away from there.

“Girls, you are stunning.” The blonde said smiling at the two who smiled back. You wore black slacks with some ripped, a white top and leather boots. Joy already wore a plaid mini-skirt with a red top with black boots. She always liked showing off more than you and you were okay with it.

"Where are we really going?" You asked after a few minutes on the road. Taehyung looked at you in the rearview mirror and Joy turned back, smiling at you, and did not even have to say anything to let you know where you were going. “Please don’t tell me we're going to Hell hound.”

“Oh yeah, baby.”

“Did you go crazy? They say that place is super dangerous, full of regulars gangs, and dangerous people. They said that many people were murdered and raped inside. Not to mention all the times that the police invaded that place and arrested drug dealers. And fuck, we're underage, if we try to get in there, we’ll get in trouble and...”

“Chill out, doll.” Taehyung said laughing and stretching his arm back, touching your knee, trying to calm you down. “We'll be fine. Nothing will happen to us. There's a lot of underage kids there, we're probably going to find half the school there, they all use fake IDs, but I have someone who's going to get us in there without us needing it. Just stay in ours, we will have no problems, okay? You can trust me.”

"If I die, I'll come back and kill you." You said leaning back and crossing you arms, pouting, which made the boy laugh.

“We have a deal.”

Taehyung really had someone to put them into the Pub without asking for identity or asking questions, which led you to think that he could only have bribed the securities, because money wasn’t a problem for him, since his father was one of the richest in the country. As soon as you entered the bar, you noticed how dark it was inside. You stopped to watch the dance floor and some tables around it. People danced rubbing each other and you didn’t know if you felt claustrophobic or happy to have agreed to go out with your friends. You've never been a fan of crowds. As you went down the stairs to the floor, you found yourself facing some of your classmates, many of them hadn’t even seen you since they were too busy eating someone propped up on the walls, getting drunk or using drugs. And those who saw you three just nodded and continued what they were doing.

Some people bumped into you and forced you to get even closer to Taehyung who was in front, leading the way.

The worst part of the parties for you were the drunks. Sober men can’t hear a no, so imagine drunk men? You hated it. You hated being touched without your permission. In fact, all women hated it.

Somehow, by the time they got to the liquor counter, Taehyung got some drinks for you, and even if you were not a big fan of alcoholic drinks, you gladly accepted it. You sat at a table facing the dance floor and you kept quiet listening to the two of them chat while you watched the place. It didn’t seem as dangerous as everyone said, just a little promiscuous and full of drug users, which really didn’t matter to you, you didn’t care about the lives of others unless they were your friends'.

While you were steeped in thoughts, you felt a chill, as if something was about to happen. You started looking sideways, searching for something you didn’t know what it was, until your eyes fell on a man, which made you totally lose your breath and choke. He had his black hair thrown back, and he was leaning against the wall under the stairs, across the room, almost hiding in the dark. He had his arms folded across his chest and his head tilted to the side. He wore an all-black outfit, from his blouse to his shoe. And he was looking at you.

It was hard to describe in words what you felt when you could even feel the intensity of his gaze on you, and what your body felt when his eyes passed through you. Your entire body warmed and involuntarily you squeezed your thighs, feeling your clit throb. God, what is this?

“I want to dance.” Joy said and suddenly you were being pulled onto the dance floor, losing sight of that man.

“Why don’t you take Taehyung?"

"Because Taehyung is a man and if I rub myself on him while I'm dancing, the guys here will think he's my boyfriend."

“If they see you rubbing yourself in a girl, they'll think you're a lesbian.” You said it loud enough for her to hear, and she laughed.

“Well, men have a fetish with two women dancing sensuously together, whether they're lesbians or not. So do me a favor and dance sensually so I can get a fuck tonight, or you'll have to put up with me masturbating in the bedroom for the rest of the month. Again.”

"You're a bitch."

"I know, honey, I know."

And Joy was right, two girls dancing together call more attention than a girl dancing alone, but you didn’t like the looks you were getting from some men standing around. As soon as a man approached you, you stepped back as he approached Joy. He was very handsome, was her style, so it was not long before the two of them were dancing and kissing in the middle of the dance floor. The music was very sexy and you loved to dance alone in your bedroom, pretending to be a sensual dancer, but you had no ounce of courage to dance the way you wanted to in the midst of all those people. Feeling uncomfortable there, you decided to get out of the crowd and go to the bar or look for Taehyung. But as soon as you moved, you spotted that same boy who was propped up under the stairs. You were hypnotized by him again.

He pushed away from the wall and all the other people in the room began to move in slow motion as he walked confidently toward you, not taking his eyes off you, not even looking where he stepped.

The sensual beats of music just helped you run out of air each time he got one step closer to you.

Push a little further on the edge

And it was closer.

Crawl a little further on the bed, babe

And closer.

I'm burning up, yeah, all I see is red

As soon as he was under the light that lit the dance floor, you can see him better and you were definitely right in feeling horny, aroused and intimidating at the same time, he was simply the most handsome man you had ever seen in life.

She said: Fuck me like I'm famous I said: Okay

“Breathe.” His voice said when he was very close to you, and only then you see that you had forgotten to breathe. Your cheeks burn. You felt like an inexperienced virgin, gasping for breath at the sight of a handsome man. You tried to open your mouth to say something, but the intensity with which he looked at you was making you unable to say anything. “I'm Jungkook.”

“(Y/N).” You answered lower than you should and didn’t know if he had heard because of the loud music, but he smiled and repeated your name, making melody to your ears. You've never been so fond of hearing your name come out of someone else's mouth.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying the party.” He said, looking you up and down slowly. "And you don’t seem to like dancing either."

“I like to dance…"

“Its not what it looked like a few seconds ago.” He said moving his eyes from you to Joy who was busy kissing a guy and then looked back at you. “You don’t seem the type who likes attention.”

“How do you know?" You asked, intrigued.

"The way you walk, you move in a way as if you don’t want to touch anyone, you have good moves to dance, but don’t let go of it with fear that draws much attention to you and I saw how quickly you moved away from all the guys who were trying hit on you. You're wearing black and white, neutral colors, colors that don’t draw attention. And you've arranged your hair in a way that makes it easier to hide your face when you're ashamed.” He said and you lowered your head, trying to hide the redness in your cheeks. “Just like you’re doing right now.”

"You seem to be very perceptive.” You raised your head trying to stand firm and not tremble beneath that man's gaze. "I don’t like crowded places."

"If you don’t like crowded places, then why did you came here?" He asked without taking his eyes from yours. You shrugged.

“My friends wanted to get out of the ... routine.” You answered. "They wanted to have fun in other ways.”

"You don’t look like you're having fun. That's not fair.” Jungkook licked his lips, almost making you stop breathing again, and looked around as if looking for someone. Soon after he looked at you and pointed in one direction. When you looked, you saw Joy walking away with that boy. And as soon as he pointed to another direction, you saw Taehyung sitting at one of the tables with a girl on his lap. You definitely were not amused watching your friends leave to be with other people. Wait, how did he know you knew Taehyung?

You turned to him with a frown and he looked at you with an unshakable expression.

“How did you ...”

"I saw you coming in with them."

“That's kind of bizarre.” You said, and he laughed, making you delighted by his laughter.

"It's not bizarre. I just got interested in you, shouldn’t I?”

You bit your lips and saw his eyes darken, staring at your mouth. He bit the corner of his mouth before approaching your ear, making your whole body shiver.

"Do you want to get out of here? We can talk in my car.”

"Don’t get me wrong, Jungkook, but we just met and I don’t know if I can trust you …"

“I understand.” He said with a disgruntled sigh, you really thought you had spoiled your chances with him, but then he reached into his pocket, took a key ring, and flung it over the people, across the dance floor. You stared wide-eyed, surprised at his action. “Well, I just threw my car keys away and I doubt I'll find them so soon, so now there's no way I can open my car, throw you in the trunk and kidnap you.”

“You're crazy.” You laughed out loud, still not believing what he had done. That was something. He was handsome, looked sweet and polite. What could go wrong? You nodded, giving him a smile.

Jungkook then wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close as he guided you toward the exit, pushing away anyone who accidentally or purposely approached you. As you left the pub, you walked a few yards to the side of the bar, where there was the parking lot and a black Mustang parked a few feet from where Taehyung parked his car.

You two sat on the hood of the car and started talking like two friends, getting to know each other. It was already past midnight and during the conversation, you discovered some things about Jungkook. He was 23 years old, he was mechanic, had his own car workshop downtown, he was a good student at school and received letters from major universities but denied all, not wanting to spend four years of his life studying and then spend the rest of it behind of some table. Jungkook wanted to live, and as he liked cars, he had decided that he would start his own business. He was not from there, but lived for almost two years in the city. His parents lived in the countryside.

“I don’t have much to talk about me. My story is very boring." You said without taking your eyes off your hands that were on your lap. His hand came to rest on top of yours, making your attention turn to him. He looked at you sweetly, almost innocently, smiling shyly at you.

“I'm sure your story can be anything but boring.” He said it much lower than when you were at the party, since there were no loud songs and no thunderous noises to disturb your hearing. His voice was as soft and sweet as his smile. His fingers began to caress the back of your hand as he still stared at you.

“The story can be long ...”

“I have all the time in the world.”

You then told about what had happened to your family. You told how your mother left you, how things went after she left, how your father acted around you, how many nights you wished you hadn’t even been born. You told him how you became shy at school, how you pulled away most of your friends, and told about the night that ended up at the police station. Jungkook listened to you intently, ignoring the looks of some people walking through the parking lot.

"Has he ever hit you?" He asked with a certain tone of irritation in his voice, which went unnoticed by you.

“No, never, but the way things were, it wasn’t going to take long for that to happen.” You said laughing sarcastically. Jungkook took a deep breath and released the air slowly, looking away, clawing at his jaw. “But let's not talk about it. Tell me about your car workshop.”

So you continued to talk for a long time. And you couldn’t deny that you was attracted to him and him for you, so when you felt an ounce of courage while he talked about something, you leaned over and kissed him. He didn’t look surprised by your gesture, because he immediately reached into your hair and deepened the kiss. It was so intense you could barely breathe and it was so good that you couldn’t contain your moans as he pulled your hair.

In a few seconds he had come down from the hood and was now between your legs, one hand in your hair and the other over your breast, and neither of you cared to be in an open-air parking lot, you were more worried about the horny you were feeling.

"You shouldn’t have thrown your keys away." You whispered as soon as his lips left yours to kiss your neck. Your hands went to his hair and he laughed against your neck.

"There's another way to open a car, my dear."

”Then do it." You said raising his face. "Or fuck me against this car, now."

"I think I'm going to fuck you against this car. It seems more exciting to me.” He said thrusting his hand between your legs and stroking your clit over your pants. You moaned and pressed your nails around his neck, because the only thing you needed now was his dick inside you. “It looks like you're enjoying the caresses.”

“You have no idea, Jungkook.”

“(Y/N)!” Taehyung's voice caught your eye and you and Jungkook looked away, seeing your friend walking towards you. He looked at Jungkook from top to bottom, frowning before looking back at you and throwing his hands up as he stood beside the car.

“What the fuck are you doing out here? I looked for you everywhere. I was worried.”

“She is with me. You have nothing to worry about.” Jungkook replied staring Taehyung that stared back.

"And who the hell are you?"

“This is Jungkook, we met at the pub...”

“And you thought it would be a good idea to come to a dark, empty place with a guy you just met, (Y/N)? Are you crazy?” He didn’t even let you finish speaking before giving the sermon. You opened your mouth to answer, but he held up his hand to signal you to remain silent. “Let's just go back inside and get Joy. We are leaving.” He then turned his back and started walking toward the Pub.

“What if I don’t want to leave?” You asked standing up. Taehyung stopped abruptly and turned to you with frowns, as if he had not understood what you had said. “What if I want to stay for a few more hours? You will force me to go with you?”

“What the hell are you talking about? You said yourself that you didn’t want to come here, that this pub was full of junkies and violent people, but three seconds ago you were letting this stranger get his hand on your body.” He said loudly, almost screaming.

“Yes, I'm letting this stranger touch my body, and yes, I didn’t want to come here, but I came because you wanted me to, and now that I'm having fun you want me to leave?” You answered it in the same tone of voice. Jungkook leaned against the car and folded his arms, watching Taehyung's next actions, he was ready to intervene if necessary.

“Guys, why did you leave me alone in there?” Joy appeared out of nowhere, hugging her body because of the chill of dawn. Her hair was tousled and she had no more lipstick in her mouth. “Can we leave? I'm tired.”

“Sure, we're going.” Taehyung said without taking his eyes off of you as Joy entered the convertible. He was waiting for you to do the same, but instead you took two steps back approaching Jungkook and crossing your arms.

"You can go, I will not go now." You said, and even though it was dim, you knew Taehyung's face was red at that moment.

"I will not leave you alone here …"

"I'm not alone, I'm with Jungkook, and you don’t boss me, Taehyung. I'll leave when I want.”

He was annoyed, irritated, ever since Taehyung knew you, he had this protective spirit, he felt he had to protect you and when he couldn’t, he felt helpless, and that made him furious. Taehyung glanced toward Jungkook, who was in the same position as before, but now he had a more serious look on his face, and stared at Taehyung as if challenging him to say something.

"If you hurt her, I swear I'll come after you."

Jungkook let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back and chuckling at the boy's failed attempt to intimidate him.

“Yeah, yeah, just go, bro. Stop embarrassing yourself.” He said, waving his hand at the boy who took one last look at you before getting in the car and getting out of there. You took a deep breath, hated fighting with your friends but you was tired of always living for other people. You wanted to live for you now.

Reminding that Jungkook was still there, you stared at him with cheeks burning, ashamed that he had witnessed it all.

“I'm sorry... That ended the whole mood." You said putting your hand on your neck and looking away from him.

“It's okay, don’t worry.” He said holding her chin and making her look at him. He was smiling carefree, as if it hadn’t done effect on him. "There's a snack bar two blocks from here. We can go there, have a milk shake and eat something. Then I'll take you home. Or I can call you a taxi if you prefer.”

“I'll take the Milk Shake." You said smiling at him. "But only if it's chocolate."

It had been four months since you met Jungkook, and every opportunity you had to get out of that school and go somewhere else with him, you did. With that, you ended up moving away from your friends because even though you could only use the cell phone once a week for fifteen minutes, Jungkook had bought a new one for you so you could communicate with him, so all your free time, dinner, breaks, you were talking to him.

"What are you doing here, you freak?" You whispered laughing at the sight of the boy leaning against the wall behind the school building, waiting for you. He smoked a cigarette and was relaxed as usual. It was almost five in the afternoon when you received his message, saying that he would be waiting for you behind the building, on the north side of the school, where you used to go to jump over the walls without being caught. One of the only places that wasn’t monitored by cameras. "If they catch you here, you'll be arrested."

"They will not catch me." He said holding your waist and pulling you close to him. “Besides, you worth the risks.” Then he kissed you, a calm, passionate kiss. He dropped his cigarette on the floor and used both hands to hold your face and caress it at the same time. "I missed you." He said between the kiss, lowering one hand to your waist and squeezing it. He bit your lip, making the fire inside you burn.

"Me too." You whispered as he slowly turned his body, placing you back against the wall, lowering one hand to your thigh and lifting it, placing it on his waist. "But I don’t have much time. In fifteen minutes I need to be in the gym." You said as his kisses touched your neck, causing you to roll your eyes and hold yourself so you didn’t moan.

“So I have to make you cum fast." He said putting his hand between your legs, inside your panties, caressing your clitoris that was already swollen and soaked with your juice. You gasped and grabbed Jungkook's arm, preventing him from moving. He looked at you with a sassy look, waiting for you to say something.

"You know I can’t be silent. Someone will catch us."

"No one will get us, baby. Don’t you trust me?"

"With my life." You answered without hesitation, and he smiled, leaning forward and kissing you. Then he kissed your cheek, your ear, your neck, your breasts over your T-shirt, until he knelt in front of you and gave you a wicked look before lifting your thigh and placing on his shoulder, lifting your skirt, pulling your panties to side and start to eat you out. You immediately covered your mouth and threw your head back, your body shuddering as you felt Jungkook's tongue caressing the full extent of your cunt. Your other hand went into Jungkook's hair and you moved your hips against his mouth, unable to control yourself. You needed to come.

“You're so sweet.” He whispered against your clit and his tongue licked again, spurring you even more as he stared into your eyes.  His free hand gripped one of your thighs, increasing the strength he used and the speed of his tongue. You felt your cunt pulsing, You was reaching the apex. Jungkook seemed to focus on one specific point, which made you let out a hoarse groan and finally cum as the spasms spread through my body.  You closed your eyes as you felt his tongue wandering around your entrance, sucking all your juice. Your mind cleared, your muscles relaxed and you felt good.

He stood up and kissed you, hugging your still shaking body.

"I love you," you whispered as he let you lean your forehead against his chest. Jungkook smiled and stroked your hair. That was the first time you'd said that.

"I know." He said and you laughed punching his arm and moving away from him. He laughed and took a step back.

"Idiot, I'm serious."

"Me too." He laughed approaching again and using his large hands to hold your face. And then he looked serious and stared your eyes with the same intensity he had whenever he looked into the depths of you, as if he looked at your soul. “I love you too, my lady.” And he kissed you again. "And I want to see you tonight."

"Same time?" You asked with closed eyes, delighting in the short, slow kisses he gave in your lips.

"Yes, I'll be waiting."

"Okay, now go, or you'll get us both in trouble." You said pushing him away. Jungkook looked indignantly at you.

"You use me and now you throw me away. Women are all the same." You laughed at his failed attempt to be innocent. You gave him a quick kiss.

"See you later, asshole." And so you turned away. Jungkook watched you walk away.

"I cannot wait for this."

You were in love with him in a way you couldn’t explain, you thought about him all day, wanted him all day. You wanted to be with him all the time, because Jungkook was intense, he was relentless, he gave you life, and that was what you loved him the most.

Everything was going well until the day you were discovered by school security. You and Jungkook were in the car, a few yards from the entrance of the school, you were on his lap in the backseat, rolling in his lap and kissing him when a strong light struck your face and you two looked to the side, seeing one of the school security guards there, knocking at the door and ordering you to get out.

That was weird. The security guards only patrolled the perimeter of the school, the gates and walls inside, there was no way they knew you were there. And your suspicions were confirmed when the same security officer said that someone had made an anonymous denunciation of an out-of-school student. And you were already sure who did it.

The security guard woke the principal to tell him what had happened, and he said with a furious expression that he would talk to you the next morning. When you reached the bedroom, Joy was asleep on her stomach in bed. You could wake her up and question why she had told them about your hang out with Jungkook. but if you did, you would yell at her and wake up the entire dorm, putting you in even more trouble, so you waited the next morning.

“Why did you do that? I thought you were my friend. Why did you tell him? "You asked the girl who was confused by both her drowsiness and your questions.

“I told you I didn’t say anything, (Y/N). I swear. The only person I told was Taehyung, because he wouldn’t stop asking where you were and I had to tell him, but I swear it was only for him.”

It was when you connected the points, if she didn’t say anything and only told Taehyung, then he was the only one who could have told the security. You knew he had some anger at Jungkook, but you didn’t understand why. Of all the time you studied there, those were the happiest months of your life, so why would he ruin it?

You turned your back on Joy and left the room already wearing your school clothes, heading toward the men's dormitory where girls were barred, but you were already really screwed, so you just don’t give a fuck.

As soon as you reached the bedroom door, you punched it hard until a sleepy, irritated Taehyung opened the door. The moment he saw you there, his face softened, but after seeing your condition, he knew he had fucked it all up.

“(Y/N)...”

"Why did you do that?" You asked before you let him make an excuse. He sighed and left the room closing the door behind him.

“Look, I'll give you my reasons, but it has to be later. You need to get out of here, if the monitors catch you ...”

“No, Taehyung, I want to know now.” You raised your voice. “Why the hell do you hate Jungkook so much? Why do you want me to break up with him? And why the hell did you tell the security guard that I was with him last night? Are you aware of what this will cause to me?”

"I don’t trust that guy…"

“You don’t have to trust him, you asshole, I have, he's my boyfriend, not yours.” You screamed furiously, your face turning red. “Stop intruding on my life and make the decisions for me, Taehyung!”

"(Y/N), he can be dangerous." He shouted back and some of the students left their rooms, curious to know what was happening. “Look, I've been researching, asking some people, and he might be involved in drug trafficking and even murder. Many people on the north side of the city are afraid to even pass near him because they say he is extremely violent.”

"You went out asking questions about my boyfriend? Throughout the city?" You asked, taking a step back, not believing what you were hearing. “You must be kidding me.”

“Yeah, I did it. I needed to keep you safe ...”

“No Taehyung! You needed to keep me single for one day finally build up the courage and say you like me.” You screamed furiously toward him. Taehyung was paralyzed, his eyes wide for a few moments, simply without reaction or words for that moment. “You want me single because you want me for you and you don’t want me to be someone else's.”

“Where you...”

“Joy told me." You interrupted him and he was pale. “I hadn’t believed in the beginning, because to me you were only treating me as your best friend, but now I understand that you want me to break up with Jungkook to stay with you, but this will not happen Taehyung, because what I feel for him, I will never feel for you.” You hissed bitterly. You were so hurt with him that you wanted him to get hurt too, and from his gaze, you had managed to do that.

“You shouldn’t be here, young lady." The dorm monitor, who was also a student, said, and you turned to him in disgust.

“Fuck you." You exclaimed and turned away, heading to the stairs and out of there. As soon as you stepped into the garden and walked toward the women's building, one of the students said that the Principal was looking for you. You sighed and went to the principal's office, hesitating to go in because you knew what would happen from then on.

As you entered the room, you were surprised to see your father sitting in the armchair in front of the boardroom table. He was red, the expression on his face was the same as he used have when cursed you and blame you for everything bad in his life, but this time he seemed to be sober.

You sat in the armchair beside him, not daring to look at him, just listening to what the principal had to say. He said that your behavior was unacceptable, that leaving school out of the allowed hours was against the rules and dating as well. He quoted everything he had to say and said that he wouldn’t just kick you out because you was a good student and had the best grades but would suspend you for a week. He allowed his father to take you home that week, and he just nodded, not saying a word to the principal.

Once you were released, the principal said you should go to your room and pack your bags, and so you did. You and your father walked side by side until you got to your room. When you opened the door, he pushed you tightly inside, making you lose your balance and fall on your knees on the floor.

“It was for that I sent you here?” He screamed, slamming the door behind him and advancing against you who had no chance to defend yourself when he grabbed your hair and pulled you violently up, making you moan with pain. “Did you come here to fuck with thugs? Hmm?” He threw you violently against the bed, banging your back against the wall and your head on the headboard. "You're a bitch just like your mother."

“This is not true.” You said it trembling, forcing yourself to sit and brush your hair off your face, trying not to stutter, but then you fell back down when he hit your face with a slap, throwing you back on the bed, making you scream and not hold back the tears.

“Shut your fucking mouth. You're never going to change, it's always going to be this bitch that only brings me problems. What is the difficulty of you not getting into trouble, (Y/N)? Do you have any mental problems that keep you from being rational?” He screamed and you cried, with your hand on the cheek that he had hit the slap, curled in the bed. “Do you think it's fun to go out there doing shit so I have to fix it later?”

“Dad...” You started to speak, but he grabbed your arm, squeezing it hard, lifting you brutally, making you even more desperate to see the furious look in his eyes. You had never seen him so violent. He'd never leaned a finger against you to hurt you, so why was he doing it now?

“You and I have a lot to talk about this week, you whore. So you better stop crying and start packing your bag before I lose my patience and drag you out of here by the hair, without any belongings.” He said between his teeth and pushed you back to the floor once more. So he turned his back and left the room, slamming the door behind him and you shrank on the floor, crying, feeling the pain in your body and in your heart. Why was that happening? You had done nothing to deserve it. Why did he seem to hate you so much? What had you done to him?

The cell phone that Jungkook had given you, began to vibrate beneath your pillow, and you knew that at that moment, he was the only one you wanted to talk to. You raised your arm and reached under your pillow, answering the phone, sniffling and sobbing.

“Love, what happened?” He asked from the other end of the line and listening to his voice only made you cry even more. Your chest was aching, you felt lonely, helpless and certainly in danger. “(Y/N), why are you crying? What is happening? Where are you?” He started bombarding you with questions and you could hear his keys on the other side.

“Jungkook.” You only managed to say his name before breaking into tears again. You heard the car door slamming across the line.

“It’s okay, baby, I’m coming to you. Stay where you are, okay? I’ll come to you. Don’t worry, don’t cry, your Jungkook is coming.” He said and before you could try to say something, or that he could hang up, your dad came screaming back into the room, making you scream too and crawl away from him, squeezing the phone between your fingers, afraid he'd take away the only thing that was giving you security at that moment.

“Who are you talking to, you slut? I told you to pack your things.” He yelled as he yanked the cell phone out of your hand, making you moan at the force he used, hurting your wrist. You were desperate and could hardly breathe, your body was shaking too much for you to react so you just started screaming for help and cringed once more. You were horrified at everything that was going on, scared, confused, and just wanted your father to get away from you. He looked at the phone screen, seeing that the call was still active. “Are you the thug who was eating my daughter, your bastard?” The only thing he could hear from the other side was the sound of the car moving, followed by Jungkook’s cold voice.

“You are dead.”

So the call dropped and at the same moment, two security guards who had heard your screams entered the bedroom, then pulled your father away from you, who started protesting in shouts that they should let him go. As they walked away from the room, you finally breathed again and stood up, legs trembling, hugging your body and walking slowly out of the room where some of the girls began to appear and looked wide-eyed at you.

“Oh my god, (Y/N).” Joy approached you, intending to hug you, but you pulled away from her, holding the cry again, a lump forming in your throat. As you walked down the stairs, with all the female dormitory students looking at you, you could hear your father's screams from the security guards outside the building. As soon as you left, the students watching your father now looked at you. Among them was Taehyung who had wide eyes and put his hand to his mouth, horrified. He didn’t hesitate to move toward you, to comfort you, but you pushed him hard back.

“This is all your fault.” You shouted with all your strength to him, making his eyes fill with water.

“(Y/N)...” He started to speak, but the Mustang's engine roar could be heard, and you looked at the road through the forest, watching Jungkook's car come in with everything, knocking over the guardrails of the secondary gate and skidding on the wet garden grass. He stormed out of the car, slamming the door and striding toward the crowd at the foot of the staircase. He had fists clenched and a killer look in his eyes. You had never seen him like that, and honestly, he was scaring you. As his eyes hit yours, he frowned and ran toward you, just as you did, burying yourself in his chest, tearing into tears once more. Jungkook pressed you against his chest and stroked your hair as his eyes scanned the place, trying to identify who had done that to you. That was when he saw the man shouting at the security guards, his voice the same as the man on the phone. He seemed to be blind at the moment.

Jungkook released your body, making you open your eyes, missing his embrace and passed among the students, shoving them all violently away from his way, before approaching the security guards who were on their backs, distracted trying to contain their father, and overtook them, hitting the man's nose with a sharp punch that fell immediately on his back.

The security guards tried to hold Jungkook, but he managed to knock them down too.

“Do you think you can hurt her and not get punished for it, you fucking asshole?” He screamed in a menacing voice, making everyone step back. He then hit a kick in his stomach, making him moan in pain and you cover his mouth, stiffing a scream. “I'll teach you to never touch what is mine.”

And before he could strike another blow, Taehyung stepped in front of him, pushing him back. Jungkook didn’t hesitate to advance against Taehyung as well, and the two began to roll on the floor, exchanging punches and blows. And most of the time, it was Jungkook who hit him. He stood over Taehyung, immobilizing him with his legs, holding him tightly by the neck and began to strike blows against his face.

"Jungkook." You called for him and he stopped his fist in the air, looking over his shoulder at you. You were scared, destroyed. You'd never seen him be so violent with anyone, so that scene was shocking.

He took a deep breath, as if controlling his killer instinct, and stood up, walking on his back for a few seconds, watching the fallen men on the floor, before turning and approaching you, wrapping his arms around your back and beneath your legs, carrying you toward the car where he put you in the passenger seat and got in, driving away from there.

The way to his house was quiet, he did not say a word and you did not either. You were too shaken to say anything. In your head, the images of your father beating you and Jungkook spanking Taehyung looped in your head and that made you wonder if you could trust him, if he would not do you, the same as he did with others.

As he parked in front of the house, he was the first to leave the car and opened the door for you, holding out his hand and waiting for you to pick it up. Still sobbing, you held his and got out of the car, being guided by him inside. You then paused for a moment, not knowing what to do.

"Baby." Jungkook stood behind you, hugging you from behind and placing his chin propped on your shoulder. It was strange how with him, you calm down easily, even after what had happened.

"I want to take a shower." You whispered and he nodded, releasing you. You then walked to the bathroom and leaned against the door. You took off your clothes, feeling the pain in your body, and tossing them to the floor. You turned on the shower and went under the warm water. Still not believing what was happening, you started to cry, sliding to the floor, sitting down, cowering and crying compulsively. Lamenting everything. And without even realizing it, Jungkook was joining you, still in his clothes, sitting down beside you and pulling you into his lap, letting you cry as the water washed away your tears of pain and betrayal.

“It's okay, baby.” He whispered to you, kissing the top of your forehead, staring at the wall in front of him with dark, menacing eyes. "He'll never hurt you again, I promise.”

all rights reserved © katebacks | 2018/2019 — no reposting and/or modifying of any form on any medium is allowed. no translations allowed.

[justjessame]

Put Me In Coach 9

Mom powered through with the graduation dinner decisions, tossing out questions that I was terrified to even contemplate the meaning behind.

“Mr. Negan? Is he planning on wearing a suit to dinner?” I rolled my eyes so hard at the repeated use of ‘Mr. Negan’ that I may have gone temporarily blind. “Mara! Please answer me.” Shit.

“Negan, Mom, that’s his name. Negan. Like Cher. Or God.” I nearly fell over trying to stop myself from laughing. She was glaring at me. Fuck. “I’m not sure what he’s planning on wearing, honestly.” If I had my way, we’d skip dinner and get to naked fun times at his place, but no, we’d be forced to sit through multiple fucking courses with our parents and suck it up. Instead of sucking him- Shit. “Do you want me to check?” It was midday, he was in class, and I was being lazy waiting for shit to finish up. We had two more days until kickoff. Or whatever sports term worked for finally being open and out with our relationship.

“Please.” She sounded as done with me as I felt about her right now. “Let me know, and if he could tell you the color and pattern.” I nearly broke a rib holding back the hilarity of asking Negan what color and pattern he’d chosen to wear for dinner. Jesus.

“Sure, Mom.” I rushed back up the stairs to my bedroom. Oh the text shit I was going to get for this.

Boop.

I waited, knowing that he was a bad Coach who kept his cell in his pocket ‘just in case’. Usually those ‘just in case’ situations came out with him asking for strength to get through the day. And ‘strength’ was code for pics of me. Usually clothed. Usually.

Boop right back at you, sweetheart.

Is it normal to HEAR the voice of the person texting, because I swear to God I could hear his. I smiled like a goofy teenager and typed Mom’s most important inquiry.

Mom is losing her shit. Are you, Mr. Negan, planning on wearing a suit to dinner? BTW BONUS points if it’s your birthday suit. I am SO down with you naked like a buffet for me.

I laid back on my pillows, letting my mind wander to naked Negan. I was just about to go to my very happy place when my phone dinged.

JESUS, Princess, could you NOT while I’m in the middle of fucking softball.

Oops. I waited, knowing he’d get himself under control eventually. It took a few beats more than the first answer. I was trying to hold back giggles at the image of him dropping the phone in the field.

I just had a rush of horror at Eric FINALLY seeing my damn birthday suit, fuck. Yes, I’m wearing a suit. Don’t I have to at THE CLUB.

Eric seeing Negan naked did it. My laughter hit hard and long. Shit. Oh my fucking God. I was brushing away tears so I could ask the follow up.

Eric wishes for that daily, my darling. Mom also wanted to know if you have a color scheme picked out.

I waited, deciding to fuck with Eric while I let Negan decide if he was one of the Queer Eyes or the Straight Guy in his fashion sense.

Tried to get Coach to go Full Monty for graduation dinner. No go. He’s afraid you’d smack me away from my present. Bitch, you ruin everything.

I was considering my own outfit choices for under that cap and gown ensemble that we were doomed to wear when the first response came in.

RUIN? Look here, you thirsty whore, you’re only scared that I’d take that cock in hand and he’d never give you another glance. Although, it begs the question. Do you have nudie pics of Coach? Share, bitch, you owe me.

I didn’t have a chance to answer because Negan popped up with his own answer.

My carpet matches the drapes, sweetheart, you know that.

For fuck’s sake, these two were going to kill me with laughter. Sighing, I sent Negan’s text first. After all, seeing him naked was a joy that I wanted to be given without the inability to sit down.

Suit colors, babe. Mom probably wants to match the fucking centerpiece to your tie. Love you, and I wasn’t kidding about naked buffet you. I get a present, right?

Then because Eric was being so agreeable, I flicked through the multitude of photos I had of Negan, because if I shared, then he had to, too. I found one that was just of his very happy trail, on his very lickable stomach and pressed forward on it to Eric. Suck on that, bitch.

Seconds, literally mere seconds and again my phone was dinging like a mad cow on crack.

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the fucking saints. You get to fucking touch THAT? You are a horrible, no good, fucking--

I was grinning at the knowledge that I tortured Eric for daring to ask for more knowledge of just how fucking lucky I was to have Negan’s naked body to play with on the regular. Opening up Coach’s message, I smiled.

Pretty damn sure it’s blue. And the tie? Some kind of fucking striped pattern? I don’t fucking know. Tell her I look like a pit boss in Atlantic City when I wear it. Should fucking help, right? As for that naked buffet, only if I get a matching one from you, princess.

Damn it. I was nearly panting by the end. Would we ever get over the rush of sex together? Would it stop being like it was now, breathtaking and mind altering? Because I fucking hoped not. Mary texted while I was standing in front of my closet trying to decide what I hated least.

Torturing your friends is NOT an ok past time. BTW Dear Fucking GOD.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. Of course he shared. I would expect nothing less. They were my circle. What one got, the other got. Which made me groan. FUCK. I forgot to go shopping for presents for the two of them, and add one into the mix for Steven. Shit.

I’m heading out to shop. I’ll have my cell on me, but wanted to tell you, unless you want me to swing by school and remind you of all the ways I love you.

I was down the stairs, yelling to let Mom know I was heading out when his reply hit.

I’m ALWAYS up for a visit from you, Princess. School’s almost out though, how about I join you at the mall?

I snorted. Negan at the mall. Then reconsidered. We were going public. That was the plan all along after we’d gotten back together, once his divorce was finalized. Why not?

Sure. Text me when you get there and I’ll tell you where I’m at.

I went to the first clothing store I came to that didn’t sell my mother’s favorite designers, and went through racks to look for an outfit for graduation. Nothing in my closet worked, and I really wanted to wear something nice for our first really official thing. As a couple. If Negan could wear a suit, then I wanted to look good for him too.

I found it in the second store. Like my Spring Formal dress, it looked more like lingerie, but unlike that dress, this one would scandalize the country club, my mother, and possibly force Negan to cut dinner short. Matching shoes, with the memory of how much he liked the ones I’d worn that night, were simple. Three straps and heels that weren’t going to kill me, but would possibly give Negan all the right ideas. I swiped my card and heard the ding of my phone at the same time.

Where can I find you, princess?

I smiled, taking the well wrapped dress and shoes stowed in a lovely shopping bag from the cashier and typed in my response as I walked. I picked the food court, not too far from where I’d found the dress and more likely near where he had parked.

I see you.

I looked up and there he was. In jeans and a t-shirt looking like he’d taken the time to shower after class. I licked my lips, because of all the edibles in the food court, I knew hands down which one I’d choose.

“Hey you,” he pulled me into his arms and I grinned. “You smell so fucking good, sweetheart.” His nose was buried in my hair and I snuggled into his chest.

“This is new.” I smiled up at him as he pulled away to take my hand, linking our fingers. “Two days too long of a wait, Coach?”

“An hour at this point is too fucking long, Amara.” He was walking in the direction opposite where I’d come from. “Shit,” he stopped looking down at me. “Where are we going?”

I laughed, he was so intent on being with me that he wasn’t even paying attention to why we were here. “I need to pick up some presents for Mary, Eric, and I guess, Steven.” His fingers linked with mine felt so natural that I didn’t pay attention to whether anyone was watching. Who cared?

“What do you have in mind?” He was smiling and I knew that he was just as happy to have time out in public as I was.

 We had fun shopping. Actual fun. It was mind blowing that we’d never really taken a chance to do it before, since we meshed so well with it. I had a feeling that he had MORE fun picking out Eric’s tiara than me. Finding bigger and gaudier ones by the moment.

“My mom is going to go apocalyptic if he puts that on during dinner.” I nodded. Yep, that was the one. It was regal, of that there could be no doubt. “I love you, do I say that often enough?” He pulled me into his arms while I was paying, wrapping himself around me from behind and propping his head on top of mine.

“I could stand to hear it more often.” He moved his head to kiss the side of my neck as the salesman smiled at us. “I love you, too, Amara.” He breathed a wonderfully wicked and hot idea into my ear and I felt my eyes flutter shut as the credit card machine rang out the finalization of my sale.

He took the bag and pulled me from the store. We walked with purpose, retracing our steps to the food court and through the mall’s main entrance. His car was on an outer boundary, and if I was in a teasing mood I’d have compared his parking spot to a serial killer’s lookout. My mind wasn’t on teasing. Not at the moment.

He had the doors opened, my bags in the front seat and me in the back before either of us could even say another word. And then his mouth was on mine and I was yanking his t-shirt off and my panties were gone. Dear fucking god, I thought as I flicked open his jeans and his mouth met my neck. “I swear to fucking Christ,” he was muttering and then he was inside of me and we stopped using words altogether.

It was fast and furious. Need and want and teeth and nails. His windows were so fogged up that no one could have seen inside even if we weren’t parked in the most hidden spot that the mall had to offer. I swore, as we were pressed together panting afterwards, that there was no way that it would ever stop being like this. Shouldn’t we have passed the honeymoon phase by now?

Negan’s face was pressed into the crook of my shoulder and my face was pressed against his bare chest. “I fucking love you, Amara.” I felt his lips kissing my skin, tasting the salt of the sweat we’d worked up. “Every fucking inch of you. Every single moment we have together. Fucking worth anything I have to give.

I kissed his chest with a smile on my lips. “You’re a marvel.” His chuckle vibrated against my lips as I kissed my way up to his neck. “You are a goddamn marvel, Negan, and I adore you from top to bottom.” He was still laughing. “OK, not your feet, and maybe not your butthole.” I shrugged, nipping at his jaw. “If you’re into the butt stuff, Eric’s at expert level there.”

“I think I’m OK with my ass not getting that kind of ‘love’.” He was smiling as our lips met and I swore his grin only grew.

[e8luhs]

IVORY TOWER.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY (I GUESS)

YOU KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW (last edited 04.27.19)

I. POOLS / GLASS ANIMALS

shake my little soul for you now, toy and i settle up into a world of noise i’m a man of many tricks and tools and joy with a battery of guilt on which to poise

II. KATARSIS / SHE PAST AWAY

even though it is a dream you are with me tonight inside me

III. BELA LUGOSI’S DEAD / BAUHAUS

white on white, translucent black capes back on the rack bela lugosi's dead the bats have left the bell tower, the victims have been bled red velvet lines the black box

IV. THE TOWER / VIRTUAL BOY

[instrumental]

V. ONLY AS GOOD AS MY GOD / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

if they crawl out of the mud, wash them away in a flood i'm only as a good as my god, burnt hair and more money

VI. HERE / VAST

where do i put the books? there's so many i could read, but they all are filled with lies where do i put all the lies? there's so many i could say but it seems they're in the books

VII. RED RIGHT HAND / ARCTIC MONKEYS

you'll see him in your nightmares, you'll see him in your dreams he'll appear out of nowhere but he ain't what he seems you'll see him in your head, on the TV screen and hey buddy, i'm warning you to turn it off! he's a ghost, he's a god, he's a man, he's a guru you're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan designed and directed by his red right hand

VIII. TOES / GLASS ANIMALS

i'm a man, i'm a twisted fool my hands are twisted, too five fingers to black hooves i'm a man, don't spin me a lie got toes and i can smile i'm crooked but upright

IX. KICKING AND SCREAMING / THE PRESETS

when i was young i was a star amongst zeroes but then i grew up and now i'm heading up river i'm gonna cover myself in mud, mud yeah, i'mma deliver

X. AMERICAN TRASH / INNERPARTYSYSTEM

i've got this planet in my hands yeah, i'll try to save it if i can i'm satisfied with myself don't care for anyone else i'm so united when i stand

XI. MURDOC IS GOD / GORILLAZ

murdoc is god murdoc is god murdoc is god johnny is dead

XII. ALL MY OWN STUNTS / ARCTIC MONKEYS

been watching cowboy films on gloomy afternoons tinting the solitude put on your dancing shoes and show me what to do i know you've got the moves

XIII. PAINT IT, BLACK / THE ROLLING STONES

i look inside myself and see my heart is black i see my red door i must have it painted black maybe then i'll fade away and not have to face the facts it's not easy facin' up, when your whole world is black

XIV. RUH / SHE PAST AWAY

half an angel, half a monster i will sleep in your bosom again half an angel, half a monster i will roam to where you are

XV. FIGURE IT OUT / ROYAL BLOOD

getting hard to sleep, but it's in my dreams but it's killing me to try and figure it out nothing better to do, when i'm stuck on you and still i'm here trying to figure it out

XVI. PERSONAL JESUS / DEPECHE MODE

feeling unknown and you're all alone flesh and bone by the telephone lift up the receiver, i'll make you a believer

XVII. LIFE ITSELF / GLASS ANIMALS

daddy was dumb, said that i’d be something special  brought me up tough but i was a gentle human said that he loved each of my two million freckles when i grew up, was gonna be a superstar

XVIII. BUSINESS MAN / MOTHER MOTHER

talking ‘bout the business man, devil in a sunday hat buddy with the stupid laugh, just talking ‘bout the business man

XIX. IT’S OUT THERE AND IT’S GONNA GET YOU / THE PAPER CHASE

[instrumental]

XX. HAPSBURG LIPPP / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

i'm checking your name off my list, i'm checking your name on my list i'm making up a reason to exist, i'm checking your name off my list you're thinking that your wife is worth a lot i'm telling you your life is worth a yacht no matter whose knife in the dark, still wanking with a robot arm i'm checking your name off my list, i'm checking your name off my list i'm making up a reason to exist, i'm checking your name off my list

XXI. HOW TO SERVE MAN / CREATURE FEATURE

let me clarify before we begin am i getting under your skin? your disposition seems a trifle bland it's time you learned how to serve man

XXII. W.U.G. / CHRIS FLEMING

he’s only comfortable with complete control and authority they should invent something for guys with this kind of affliction like a vr system  where he can believe he’s in a perpetual state of giving you a tour of his house

XXIII. RADIO / ROBBIE WILLIAMS

something's happening, i can feel it moving out of time you'll hear it falling in the way you fear it jumping, thumping, shout out something jumping, thumping, shout out something

XXIV. A NEW SKY / THE PRESETS

and it's alright, it won't be long you feeling something so won't you come outside with me? and it's alright, sing like a song and now you're flying so won't you come and fly with me?

XXV. ASIMILASYON / SHE PAST AWAY

protect yourself, this plague spreads spiders everywhere come on, dig your grave look, the day wakes up again

XXVI. ANIMAL IMPULSES / IAMX

i'm tired of this human duet no civilizing hides our animal impulses

XXVII. EXXUS / GLASS ANIMALS

i can see you running i can see you running gone in the blink of my eye gone, gone, gone in the blink of my eye

XXVIII. NOCTURNE IN F MINOR / FREDERIC CHOPIN

[instrumental]

XXIX. BABY BRIDE RAG / ROAR

oh darling, i'm not so sure about our hearts aligning at sixteen years old, could this just be bad timing? puppies pining listen to me sweetheart, you are nothing when we're apart i can promise you this, when we split the town you won't be missed

XXX. WHO IS SHE? / I MONSTER

oh, who is she? a misty memory a haunting face is she a lost embrace?

XXXI. I WILL POSSESS YOUR HEART / DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

there are days when outside your window i see my reflection as i slowly pass and i long for this mirrored perspective when we'll be lovers, lovers at last

XXXII. GO-GETTER GREG / LUDO

i've given it some thought... and i really think that you could use a guy like me in your life looking after you, a man to take you home, a hand for you to hold... and i'd never leave you alone

XXXIII. AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION / THE BLAKE ROBINSON SYNTHETIC ORCHESTRA

some call it stalking, i say walking just extremely close behind i'm sure if i sat down and asked you, well you really wouldn't mind you've got those eyes that drive me crazy and i've got eyes to watch you sleep i brought a pack lunch and some coffee for my stakeout in your tree outside your house

XXXIV. NEIGHBOUR / MOTHER MOTHER 

i am your neighbor, i can hear you i got this tin can with a string through and when you're crying, i hear your shaky breath and when you're lying i hear your heart confess

XXXV. OBSESSION / OK GO

a look so quick a movement so slight ah, it’s not passin’ fascination now it’s obsession

XXXVI. STALKER’S TANGO / AUTOHEART

i know, i know, i know, i'm always in your place but don't you see, my dear? i am your doppelgänger have your faith so

XXXVII. DEADCRUSH / ALT-J

extraordinarily pretty teeth beauty lingers out of reach you're my dc oh lee, oh man ray went cray cray over you capturing, but never captured you're my dc oh lee, oh

XXXVIII. CLUB FOOT / KASABIAN

i tell you i want you i tell you i need you

XXXIX. TEAR YOU APART / SHE WANTS REVENGE

i want to hold you close skin pressed against me tight lie still, and close your eyes girl so lovely, it feels so right

XL. PRETTY WHEN YOU CRY / VAST

i didn't want to hurt you, baby i didn't want to hurt you i didn't want to hurt you, but you're pretty when you cry

XLI. DINNER & DIATRIBES / HOZIER

that's the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of that's the kind of love i've been dreaming of

XLII. BERNADETTE / IAMX

you and me in our playhouse living in a veil, we never need to go without memories bring no joy or peace we are alone and all we need

XLIII. THIS HURTS / MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

oh, god i'm beautiful oh, god i'm wonderful i'm marvelous, intelligent, so why doesn't that make me feel better? i need some more, i need someone who's insecure i don't care who you are controlling you makes me better

XLIV. YANIMDA / SHE PAST AWAY

they wouldn't know, wouldn't comprehend you are with me, next to me

XLV. THE HORROR OF OUR LOVE / LUDO

i'm a killer, cold and wrathful silent sleeper, i've been inside your bedroom i've murdered half the town left you love notes on their headstones i'll fill the graveyards until i have you

XLVI. WE KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP / THE PAPER CHASE

i don't know about you but i am hellbent, i know what it is that i must do close your eyes when we kiss ‘cause I'm prepared to set myself on fire for this

XLVII. WHAT ELSE DO I NEED / VAST

i know that you don't like me that's alright today i love you, but you bore me don't fuck up my day ‘cause i could stay right here and never ever leave, what else do i need?

XLVIII. YOU ARE MINE / MUTEMATH

there are objects of affection that can mesmerize the soul there is always one addiction that just can not be controlled

XLIX. WALLA WALLA / GLASS ANIMALS

honey honey, don’t you cry it’s a ruse all these creatures are a lie funny bunny, it’s alright i clap my hands and they’re gone into the night

L. TEMPTATION / VAST

i stand alone now, istand alone but can you save me from myself oh, please

LI. BIT BY BIT / MOTHER MOTHER

no i won’t bring too much of anything maybe a little slicker for the rain maybe just a good book and a heart to break Ii’ll make a mistress of a little wiccan thing

LII. COUNTING BODIES LIKE SHEEP TO THE RHYTHM OF THE WAR DRUMS / A PERFECT CIRCLE

don't fret precious, i'm here step away from the window, go back to sleep safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils see, they don't give a fuck about you like i do

LIII. STALKER / IAMX

i know you're aching to be saved from all the bullshit and banality sacredly i have watched you grow you've conquered all the self-loathing and high hopes

LIV. UNDER MY THUMB / THE ROLLING STONES

it's down to me, yes it is the way she does just what she's told down to me, the change has come she's under my thumb

LV. CHRISTMAS KIDS / ROAR

appearing unsightly with devils inside me if you ever try to leave me i'll find you, ronnie

LVI. GENGHIS KHAN / MIIKE SNOW

i get a little bit genghis khan i don't want you to get it on with nobody else but me, with nobody else but me

LVII. HAPPY TOGETHER / FILTER

imagine me and you, i do i think about you day and night it's only right to think about the girl you love and hold her tight so happy together

LVIII. TOUCHED / VAST

the razors and the dying roses plead i don't leave you alone, the demi-gods and hungry ghosts god, god knows i'm not at home i’ll never find someone quite like you again

LIX. STOP A BULLET / BLACK LIGHT BURNS

i've got something to say i've acquired a taste for watching you in pain it's pretty hard to admit it makes me feel like shit but i mean it

LX. DANGEROUS / BIG DATA

you understand, i got a plan for us i bet you didn’t know that i was dangerous it must be fate, i found a place for us i bet you didn’t know someone could love you this much

LXI. CAN’T DO / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

he said it's up to me it's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me, i gotta try it again! it's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me, i gotta rip it apart! It's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me

LXII. THE STICKS / MOTHER MOTHER

i'm getting on a mountain, baby, yeah i'm thinking of an island, maybe oh, archipelago, take me i'm looking to isolate me, terra incognita, baby i'm getting away from all the la-di-dah, la-di-dah

LXIII. ISOLATION / THE SMASHING PUMPKINS

but if you could just see the beauty, these things i could never describe these pleasures a wayward distraction, this is my one lucky prize

LXIV. BEEKEEPER / KEATON HENSON

believe me believe me, this loneliness won't go away hear me oh, woman that has gone astray gone astray

LXV. IVORY TOWER / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

do you know what makes me happy? when i clothe you in a swarm of bees and the world is my ashtray, the world is my ashtray tonight shave my head and call me monkey let me see you with the caps lock on if we're all apoplectic then i'll be the neckbeard, alright?

LXVI. ANOTHER SET OF ISSUES / OK GO

it all seemed so perfect it all seemed like everything was right but i won’t let you leave that way, but i won’t let you but i won’t let you, but i won’t let you leave that way but i won’t let you, but i won’t let you leave

LXVII. BREEZEBLOCKS / ALT-J

do you know where the wilds things go? they go along to take your honey, la la la la break down now weep, build up breakfast now let’s eat my love my love love love, la la la la

LXVIII. DUST IN YOUR POCKET / GLASS ANIMALS

yellow nails and pinching fangs, a slimy creature lacking clad, he pulls his fingers from her mind, and lets her see, just like she was blind

LXIX. KRONOS / KEATON HENSON

i'd give you all i have if i could get it back this has been the best of me i hope you end up missing me and i'll hold on to that

LXX. I COME WITH KNIVES / IAMX

i come with knives i come with knives and agony to love you

LXXI. GREENER / TALLY HALL

telephones make you seem miles away from home all alone, i get a little meaner i leave a message at your tone, and miles away from home you get a little cleaner of me and i find a little greener shade of envy

LXXII. PROPERTY / SAY ANYTHING

don't you go leaving baby, i'll find you tell all your secrets and no one will want you it's for your own good, i know what's best for you if you won't sleep with me, there will be no rest for you

LXXIII. DESIRE / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

i want this planet and i want it now to beat like an anvil 'til the poison's out i am a pencil-pusher with the pencil-pusher blues what the hell do i have left to lose?

LXXIV. PSYLLA / GLASS ANIMALS

i wanna make it right i wanna make you cry i follow suit, i follow suit i follow suit, i follow

LXXV. SLEDGEHAMMER / SAVANT

[instrumental]

LXXVI. SHUT ME UP / MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE

the bass, the rock, the mic, the treble i like my coffee black just like my metal with the bass, the rock, the mic, the treble i like my coffee black just like my metal

LXXVII. SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE / VAST

i wish i could hide from everyone is there somewhere else to be is there somewhere else to be take me in, i want out that's all i need

LXXVIII. CHOKE / I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

now shut your dirty mouth, if i could burn this town i wouldn't hesitate to smile while you suffocate and die and that would be just fine, and what a lovely time that it would surely be so bite your tongue and choke yourself to sleep

LXXIX. PATHETIC / BLAME CANDY

1460 days since we were alright you're having trouble sleeping, and i think i know why 1460 days since we were alright but now you're just pathetic, i said it you are pathetic

LXXX. NO CULTURE / MOTHER MOTHER

so can we let sleeping dogs lie? 'cause everyone believes me when i say it's mine a little wool over the eyes 'cause everyone believes me when i-

LXXXI. BLACK WEDDING / IN THIS MOMENT

i would've loved you for a thousand years i would've died for you i would've sacrificed it all my dear i would've bled for you 'til death do us part, you were unholy right from the start it's a nice night for a black wedding yeah, it's a nice night for a black wedding

LXXXII. DESTRUCTION / JOYWAVE

creeping 'round, i saw a little thing i didn't like; you tried to hide i've been creeping 'round i saw a little thing i didn't like, you tried to hide from me

LXXXIII. INTRUXX / GLASS ANIMALS

[instrumental]

LXXXIV. BREADWINNER / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

hard liquor is my medicine it must have happened when i hit my head hard liquor for my birthday cake power, power, power, power, power

LXXXV. I CAN’T DECIDE / SCISSOR SISTERS

i'm not a gangster tonight don't want to be a bad guy i'm just a loner baby and now you've gotten in my way

LXXXVI. WITHER / SON LUX

you don't have to be afraid you don't have to be afraid like the grass beneath your feet, they will wither away

LXXXVII. WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU / THE PAPER CHASE

so go ahead, hold your breath be my guest, see if i care ‘cause it's your life, it's your body in the morning what's it to you, my sweet bijou? ‘cause if you knew what was good for you you'd stand there lowborn to drop every rampart and drawbridge

LXXXVIII. KILLER / THE HOOSIERS

i hate my work, but i'm in control i'm fearless now, but it cost my soul save yourselves, the moon is full under its power, gravitational pull

LXXXIX. WYRD / GLASS ANIMALS

you can’t run so you must hide you won’t make it back this time i sold your rope for a bucket of lemon peel, now suck it

XC. I’M DYING / VAST

not one day goes by that i don't compromise your love for the cold love of the world it's killing me through my own evil pride not one day goes by  that i don't know that i'm dying

XCI. DEAR DICTATOR / SAINT MOTEL

and at the trial, there'll be no jury and all the dead are going to play witness it's not too late to say you're sorry but it's too late to truly mean it

XCII. GET OUT THE WAY / MOTHER MOTHER

i'm not anti-social i'm just tired of the people and i'm fine with rolling solo so get out

XCIII. SEVERED / THE DECEMBERISTS

i alone am the answer i alone will make wrongs right but in order to root out the cancer it's got to be kept from the sunlight

XCIV. NOBODY LOVES YOU LIKE ME / JONATHAN COULTON

air in my lungs, a cough and a wheeze holes in the bellows and blood on the keys you move along, there's nothing to see nobody loves you like me nobody loves you like me

XCV. TRUE ROMANCE / SHE WANTS REVENGE

when could you tell it was over? when did you turn on me? i'd cry if i thought it would change your mind, cry for the girl i hoped you to be

XCVI. YOU’RE ONE OF THEM, AREN’T YOU? / THE PAPER CHASE

and i believe, i believe, i believe you're one of them you're one of those things so go on and scream all you want 'cause that only excites me i'm aiming this plane for the sea, i'm taking you all with me so suffer little children, suffer little children suffer little children come and get me!

XCVII. DANCE TO THE DEATH / KINGDOM HEARTS 2 OST

[instrumental]

XCVIII. THE HOUSE IS DUST / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

i wish i could be living at the end of all living just to know what happens, just to know what happens i would know every answer and just how far we all made it this is all my life this is all my life

XCIX. A DEATH / AN UNKINDNESS

inevitability, you are my mother bleeding seeds of sour lust onto the mounds of bleeding crust unto all that holy dust i shall return, bathed in fire

C. YUPPIE SUPPER / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

[instrumental]

[gruxa]

The story of how me and my friends killed a murder clown (and how the love of my life almost died in the process) aka I saw this show in the deadlights.

"This isn't your typical trashmouth tozier stand up. bullshit, tonight we get real. Good evening New York, I'm glad you could all join me in this stuffy fucking theatre for the next 2 hours, now strap in a let me tell you a tale"

The audience clapped as Richie took the mic from the stand and put his glass of water on one of the two stools positioned at the front of the stage "probably gonna knock this shit off" he muttered into the microphone, warning his first laugh of the evening.

He moved away from the stools and rolled up his sleeves before addressing the audience.

"When I was a kid, I had a group of friends that I completely forgot about. Doesn't sound that unusual right? lots of people forget friends they knew when they were young, " The audience murmured in agreement

"but I wasn't young young, I'm not talking five years old, I was 16 when I left my hometown. For almost 25 years I couldn't remember that portion of my life at all and it didn't even phase me. I didn't event realize. I know what you're thinking, Oh Richie? How much did you drink and smoke in college to forget all that?" A laugh came from the audience.

"The answer is, I didn't even go to college. I just did those things because of depression" He paused for a beat and pretended to hit badum tss on imaginary drums as the audience laughed, he would never understand why joking about his mental health was funny but he worked with it.

"Anyway, so you're probably wondering why it looks like Panic At The Disco wrote my show title tonight. " More laughter, it was going well so far. "Well it's because I literally couldn't think of a shorter way to write a summary of the serial-killer-demon-child-eating garbage that was the summer of '89, and by extension a few holiday days in July last year" He continued through the laughter.

"You think I'm kidding? There's 5 people in the audience right now that'll back me up" He pointed in a general direction "Kidding I got no clue where those fuckers are. Probably off doing rich people things. One of them is here though and he's backstage so, " Richie shrugged "I got that at least. Maybe I do have the other 4 out there somewhere, I don't fucking look at every ticket holders name." More laughter.

"I probably shouldnt be telling this story on an international streaming service, my old manager told me as much whilst I fired him, but the clowns dead so" Richie took a sip of his glass "whats really out there to stop me?" The audience laughed.

"Before I continue this story, I'm aware you're all going to sit in your seat and think that this is all bullshit, you're within your rights, but you'll be wrong."

"So you've all heard the name Trashmouth? it's me, it's my moniker. It's on your fucking tickets." He grinned "Now what would your reaction be if I told you up until last year I have no idea how I got that name? I sorta just figured it was something imposed onto me when I did stand-up in college bars, figured some shithead student called me it and it stuck, but no, turns out I forgot my best friends. What's this all got to do with a murder clown? a lot. We'll get there, I know that's what you're here for." More laughter. He didn't really feel like he was being funny but he rolled with it.

"Some of you might be here for the love of my life part of the story. God the tabloids when the title of my show was revealed was insane, suddenly I was all TMZ cared about. A fucking old as balls comedian." He laughed "Richie Tozier has a girlfriend? Is The Trashmouth Married?! Is the Girlfriend that's referenced in lots of hiswork real?' Does Richie Tozier have a love child?'"

He sipped more water, his throat starting to feel like rocks. "My life got a little more interesting after that." He paced the stage "Bet a lot of you remember my last show, even if you weren't there you probably heard about it."'Richie Tozier goes all Pitch Perfect on stage' I threw up. A lot. The murder clown had a lot to do with that but were not quite there yet." A small laugh and groaning came from the audience, Richie ignored it all

"Anyway, I was telling a joke before all that happened about masturbating to my girlfriends best friends Facebook or something bullshit along those lines" Another drink of water. Rocks still in his throat. "I didn't write my own jokes. Never did. Well I did back in High-school and my pseudo-college years, but as soon as I got a manager and by extension a 'creative team' my creativity got swept under the rug. Which is why I dropped them after the whole clown thing"

"Back to that joke, it was all bullshit. My girlfriend doesn't even have any friends" The audience laughed loud at that one "Matter of fact she doesn't exist" More booming laughter

"'oh but Ritchie of she doesn't exist how did she nearly die?' I hear you cry, well no I don't actually, you don't seem into this at all" He scanned the audience as they laughed more

"I'll let you work it out for yourself" He winked.

"So. Let me take you on a journey, it was the summer of '89, I was 13 and only recently discovered the joy of touching myself and the absolute amazing feeling of using the words Fuck and Shit in every sentance, I also fell head over heels in love, not that I had any fucking clue what love was or why I was feeling it, but I knew I felt it enough to do cliché bullshit like carve our initials onto the kissing bridge

Which to this day is probably still where teenagers went to get their rocks off, I'm sure every small town in Maine has somewhere like that." The audience laughed more "So me and a group of 3 friends were inseperable, we were also fucking losers. Bottom of the pecking order losers. We had Bill with a fucking st-st-stutter, Stan the Rabbis son, Eddie the hypochondriac with a muchausens by proxy mom to boot, and then me. I was definitely the coolest of the bunch. My glasses and choice of weak-ass bully fodder friends was what put me at the bottom."

The audience erupted in laughter "We didn't let that hold us down though. We were the Losers Club and we were proud. Still are" he kissed his palm and blew it into the audience "In case ant of those rich fuckers got the invite that's for them"

"So picture this, 4 lanky boys, mercilessly bullied, about to have a great summer, or so we thought. You see my friends brother went missing" The audience went from laughing to silence in a matter of moments. "He was 8, a lot of kids went missing that summer. This is where the story gets less funny and more horrifying"

Richie perched on his stool and adjusted the mic back into its stand. "Bill, my friend, was obsessed with trying to find Georgie, even though eight months had passed since his disappearance. He was convinced he was alive. The week school ended another girl went missing, Betty. We found her shoe in the sewers a few days later. " Richie cracked his knuckles against his thigh

"Now this is where I'm probably going to lose you, lord knows if I was you I'd lose me too" He took a beat and looked to the side of the stage, it was too dark to see but he was sure Eddie was there.

"We met another 2 boys that summer, and a girl. We were a group of Seven, and if you can guess they weren't popular either. Ben was the fat new kid, Mike was the homeschooled black kid who lived on the outskirts of town, and Bev was the whore of the school, well not really but that was her label. We were Seven. The Losers Club. Thanks to the clown there's only 6 of us left now."

"We did what any group of 13-14 year old would do with an 80s summer, swim in a quarry, sneak into R rated movies, go to the arcade, stealing medical supllies from the pharmacy whilst Bev, who was 14 at the time, flirted with the 50 year old creep of a clerk to distract him because our town literally bread a serial killers who carved his initial into Ben's stomach, usual kid stuff" He took a breath after shooting that last part out fast. "Oh, and fought an evil killer clown who was murdering kids"

Richie went on to describe in abridged detail the events of that first summer, only really leaving out the extraterrestrial shape shifting parts, filling up an hour of the show.

"I would say you can a source check this, but something happens when you leave that town which makes you forget, which I know sounds like bullshit, but I forgot the first 16 years of my life when I left, and Bill forgot about his dead brother." Richie took a long drink of his water "i mean if you go to the towns library you'll find the records of the missing kids, and their bodies washing up in the sewers, and if you looked hard enough into the towns history you'd find the clown, but that would mean you'd have to find out what town I'm talking about, and even though Ben was the new kid, I'm starting to believe that the town can't be found by new people easily. "

So, show of hands as to how many of you have I lost?" he scanned the crowd as they shuffled.

"This is absolutely bullshit, put your arms down I can't see shit with these lights on me"

"Anyway I guess I'll start telling you about the love of my pathetic life and how they almost died last year"

The Theatre filled with clapping

"It started with a fucking fence post. A fence bost bev found 28 fucking years ago and somehow found again last June"

The audience erupted in cheering, as expected they assumed bev was the love of his life

"It kills monsters, if you believe it does." Richie stood up and paced the stage "That fucking.. That fucking mantra ended with a fucking giant gaping wound in the chest of the person I love"

He sat back down and dangled his legs over the stage "they survived, they all survived apart from Stanley who didn't even make it back to the cistern. See he was the only fucking sane one, sure we're all alive and we stopped a serial killer who tormented out childhood town, but Stanley knew he wouldn't have been able to. So he killed himself"

Silence

"Not funny? right?" richie pulled at a thread on his shirt "I'll miss him forever, even though I forgot about him for 25 years."

"Anyway, gaping wound." Richie coughed "I was holding my jacket against it and we finally conquered the serial killer, but we ran BAKC and... they were dead, or so we thought"

"I should probably tell you, officially who They is. A lot of you probably have your theories, I'd say 99% of you are wrong."

Richie took a deep breath

"He was dead. Edward Kaspbrak, one of my best friends growing up, my first crush, and the love of my life, was dead"

The Theatre was full of whispers

"Not for long though, Bev managed to get him back, and we pulled him out of there"

[acsversace-news]

On the morning of July 15, 1997, fashion designer Gianni Versace took his usual stroll, bought a newspaper, and returned to his Miami Beach mansion. He never made it past the steps, because a young man named Andrew Cunanan shot him twice in the head. The shocking murder, why it happened, and an in-depth examination of the lives of both the victim and the killer will play out over ten episodes in the miniseries The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, the second installment of the FX franchise following the Emmy-winning The People v. O.J. Simpson.

Based on the book Vulgar Favors: Andrew Cunanan, Gianni Versace, and the Largest Failed Manhunt in U. S. History by Maureen Orth, it stars Edgar Ramirez (Joy, The Girl on the Train) as Versace, Darren Criss (Glee) as Cunanan, Penelope Cruz as Versace’s sister Donatella, and Ricky Martin as Antonio D’Amico, Versace’s longtime lover. The story begins with the murder, which was the last of at least five Cunanan committed on a cross-country killing spree.

“We tell the story in reverse,” says executive producer and director Ryan Murphy. “We get into how he had that motive, and why he wanted to do what he wanted to do and why it was allowed to happen,” given the social climate of the 1990s.

“Andrew Cunanan was able to make his way across the country and pick off these victims, many of whom were gay, was because of homophobia at the time,” Murphy points out. “’Don’t ask, don’t tell’ was going on. Various police organizations refused to put up ‘wanted’ posters, even though they knew that Andrew Cunanan had probably committed many of these murders and was probably headed that way, all of which we deal with in the show.”

“We examine [all] the victims,” adds executive producer Brad Simpson. “We celebrate the lives of these people that Andrew Cunanan snuffed out.”

The series also addresses the subject of Versace’s HIV-positive status, which he kept secret. “Versace had announced he was gay in an interview. His company was about to go public. He was terrified of anything coming out negative about his personal life.  We delve into that in the show,” says Murphy. “I don't think there should be any stigma or shame attached to HIV at all, even then. But there really was, and we address that headon.”

In addition to what he calls a “startling” physical resemblance to Versace, Murphy believes that Edgar Ramirez embodied the soulfulness and mystery necessary to play the designer. Like the other actors, he was Murphy’s first choice for the role.

“I’m a huge fan of stories that capture the zeitgeist and the spirit of the time that speak about greater subjects going on in society,” says Ramirez. “This story captures not only a very dramatic, amazing story that needs to be told, but how it captures the spirit of the time. It's like a Greek tragedy. These characters are fated.  And what is so amazing, and also moving and heartbreaking, is that it happened for real.”

Versace’s relationship with Antonio D’Amico is an important focus of the story, and Ricky Martin, who is gay, reveals that it affected him very personally. “Gianni was surrounded by ‘yes’ people. Antonio was bluntly honest. Antonio would push him to live life to the fullest. He was always right there. Nothing would separate them. And Gianni would not allow anyone to talk bad about Antonio.” Martin spoke to D’Amico and assured him, “I will make sure that people fall in love with your relationship with Gianni. I want them to see the connection you had.”

Playing serial killer Andrew Cunanan was a challenge for Darren Criss on several levels. “How could you possibly find something good about this person?” he’s often asked. “The bleeding idealist in me that wants to find the good in everybody has to really find that and exploit that as much as humanly possible, because we will see the worst of him. I found myself trying to make peace with it a little bit, in [playing] this person that represents something so horrible.”

He calls Cunanan “probably one of the most exhilarating characters that I've spent time with because he is so all over the place. He was an enjoyable, delightful, smart, brilliant kid brimming with potential. We see him at his best; we see him at his worst; we see him at his most charming; we see him at his most hurt. We really do get to know him as a person. It isn’t 10 episodes of watching Cunanan lurk around, doing horrible things constantly. I think if that were the case, I probably would have said no to the project,” he says, noting that he was able to gain insights from conversations with people who knew Cunanan. “It's been a wonderful challenge to really find as much humanity in him as possible because we've got a long way to go with this guy, and we can't have you just hate him the entire time.”

Screenwriter Tom Rob Smith’s script draws parallels between the lives of Versace and Cunanan. “Cunanan was from relative poverty, but Versace was, too. They had lots of similarities. One went on to create a business that was worth 800 million. And one became the opposite, this destructive force.  And how these two lives collided is essentially the story we're telling,” Smith says. Adds Criss, “In many ways, obviously, they're very, very different men. But I think we try to find the common denominators between them.”

The miniseries was shot in Los Angeles and on location in Miami, where the production was permitted to film some scenes Versace’s villa Casa Casuarina—now a hotel--where the actors rehearsed before filming began. “Donatella sold the home, took the furniture and the art, but left everything else there, the structure of it,” says Ryan Murphy. “We had a full month there, and we really bonded a lot over the tone of the piece. And that was its own emotional rehearsal.“ Adds Darren Criss, “I walked in the building and could feel Gianni’s presence.”

Not surprisingly, Criss says that filming the murder scene “was an overwhelmingly emotional day” for everyone involved. “We shot exactly on the exact step where Gianni died,” notes Murphy. “The crew was crying.”

The interior of the mansion was reproduced on an L.A. soundstage, replicated down to the smallest detail, including an ashtray made in 1997 and Versace’s favorite orchid plant on a table. The department heads and producers “would have like 10 meetings before we even showed up at the location,” Murphy says. When you're doing historical pieces, you have an obligation to really get it right.”

Extensive research on Cunanan was done as well, down to the laces in his shoes and the backpack he carried. But Murphy reminds that the show is a docudrama, not a documentary. “There are always certain things you take liberty with.” As Edgar Ramirez puts it, “There are moments where imagination helps to connect the dots that reality is not sufficient to connect. It's a piece of a painting; it's not a photograph.”

Comparing Gianni Versace to his previous O.J. Simpson miniseries, which was primarily shot in a courtroom, Murphy points out that the manhunt aspect of the story required many locations, and the glamorous aspects of Versace’s life included fashion shows, which meant elaborate staging and hundreds of extras. “It has a great breadth and a great scope,” he says.

Versace “lived outrageously and daringly. His life was opera, and he lived that. He was a disrupter. You can just imagine what Versace would have done if he was not killed,” Murphy muses. “The true loss for me is the loss of his genius and his potential to keep disrupting and to keep changing society.”

Ironically, Versace had just recovered from a very serious illness just before he was murdered. “I really admired the way that he pulled himself back from the brink of death and kept fighting,” says Murphy, who sees the miniseries as an opportunity to pay tribute to the designer and for young people “to discover him in a new way. We wanted to do honor to him. And I think we did get it right.”

[camille-marshall-blog]

Challenge #3

Alternately Titled: Focusing on the Present (and other gifts)

a/n: Heyoooo, happy holidays everyone! Dropping this little fic for Challenge 3! Hope you’re having fun during your winter breaks!! By some Christmas miracle, I actually had time to chill and write this soooo yay! Hope you enjoy this one!! Thank you so much to @jace-bennett​ for the RP!! The shopping was fun! Anyways, again enjoy and I’ll see you guys around! (4,394 words)

I thought that I would get used to this whole being Selected stuff, I mean… I’ve been here for nearly 2 months- but everyday I still wake up with a heavy feeling in my chest and a guilt that I was somehow not meant to be here. Was I meant to be here? I know there have been moments that made me feel like I had a place here, moments of neon lights and forgotten bowling shoes, the times that reminded me how to laugh between pages of a library book, instances of rubber soles crunching against the ground, and whispers lighter than a feather during shared meals. I was beginning to feel connected to the people I was meeting in this palace, but not without a price.

Despite this guilt, I still continue on with this Selection and try to perform everything to the best of my abilities. I think I’ve been making progress with the people here, actually having the courage to stay in the women’s room to mingle sometimes. It was just hard to get close with other people when you’re so used to moving around- no relationship was permanent.

But against my instincts, I’ve been lately taking choices that made me feel more comfortable around these people. Just a few days ago I agreed to join a Secret Santa, and that reminded me of another thing that helped make me feel better.

There’s magic in the air when the calendars shift from November 30 to December 1. It’s like when everything in the world tends to get a little better because the holidays were fast approaching. As the song really went, it was always the most wonderful time of the year, and the holiday season has never failed to lift my spirits up.

I’m not going to deny it: Christmas is and always will be one of my favorite holidays EVER, and one of my favorite activities definitely had to be Christmas shopping.It was more on seeing the sheer joy in the eyes of the people I gave gifts to, and the way my heart leaps when I know that I made my friends happy.

This year, I was not planning on missing out on one of my favorite holiday activities, so I informed my guard friends that I was going to go out of the palace to go Christmas shopping yesterday, and I luckily got the approval to head out on my own.

I walk into the garage, wearing my own civilian attire. I needed a breath of fresh air from the palace. This morning, I wasn’t feeling like my best self again, so maybe a little reminder of Christmas was going to help me feel better.

Just as I was looking for a set of keys in the garage, a voice from behind startles me.

"Umm are you looking for something?”

At the sound of the voice, I jump and put my fists up- almost out of instinct, just in case of an attacker, but I immediately relax at the sight of a confused looking Jace Bennett standing right in front of me.

“Oh whoa, it's just you Bennett.” I comment, relaxing myself and standing upright again.

“What are you doing?” he asks me, reaching up for his own car keys. Wait… was he going out?

“I need a ride to the city... and I was told that I could borrow one of the cars here.” I answer, putting my hands again in my pockets.

He raises his eyebrows at me, “Yeah sure, I'm leaving I can take you if you want.”

I didn’t even ask him for a ride, but it was definitely decent that he was offering me one. “Huh, thanks. I’d appreciate it.”

“Where exactly do you want to go?” Jace opens his car’s door, ready to leave.

“Eh, depends on where you're going…” I open my own door, “You aren't by any chance passing by South Coast Plaza, are you?”

“It's a little out of the way but I can take you. Are you just in the mood to go shopping?” he asks me as I get into his car.

“Kinda, more like Christmas shopping.. we've got a secret santa among us Selected girls going on right now. Thanks a lot though… Are you sure I'm not bothering you?”

“What are you planning to get?” Jace nods as he starts the car, “No not at all, I was just going home because there was nothing else for me to do here. This is actually giving me something to do.”

“Thanks a lot.” I say as I put my seatbelt on (who knew how safe of a driver he was), “I'm getting A book for the person I got, and a couple more stuff for friends.”

“The secret santa thing sounds fun. So I'm guessing you girls are getting along well?” Jace asks me as he pulls out to the driveway.

“You guess right, I think everyone's becoming really close with each other... at least.. that's what I hear is going on in the women's room.”

“Are you not becoming close with them?”

“Oh I am, I have friends here.” I shake my head, trying to prove to him that I wasn’t as anti-social as most people thought, “I just don't visit the women's room a lot.” I explain to him.

“Ooooh got it. what else do you guys do? Like how do you spend a whole day at the palace?”

“Well, there are lessons for half the day with your mom, we talk about all those etiquette and royal protocols one of us would be using in the future. She's definitely... enthusiastic about etiquette.” I snort, remembering the morning lessons with Jace’s mother, and how much she reminded me of one of my old drill sergeants.

Jace laughs as he drives, “That's just the way she is. At least the ones who won't become one of the royals will know how to eat a meal properly.”

“I think table etiquette's kinda common in this day and age, I mean... even I learned some twisted form of it way back in military school.” I add to him, feeling a little defensive. God forbid that the few of us not born into fame and royalty didn’t know how to differentiate the fish fork from the salad fork.

“And now you are getting the full blown version of it.”

“Definitely a full blown version,” I laugh a little under my breath, “with an instructor who's just as fierce as any drill sergeant. So, what do you do? Like on a normal day, whether it's in or away from the palace, what do you do?”

Jace Benett was more like an anomally in the palace- a figure you hear about from others’ experiences. I always wondered what he usually did in the palace other than hang out with the prince. From what he’s told me himself, Nate was busy a lot, so my curiousity got the best of me when I ask Jace that.

“Hang out here mostly,” Jace shrugs, “There is something always going on which always keeps me busy. But at home I don’t do very much, like I have other friends other than Nate which I hang out with but most of the time I’m just chilling in my room or when I can convince my mother to let me go on a trip than I do that.” he shrugs again, “I don’t have that exciting of a life.”

“Jace Bennett, not having an exciting life? I find that difficult to believe.” I raise my eyebrows at his admission, “Sounds like you have a lot of fun though.” I contradict, looking at the boy in front of me- he didn’t seem like the type to describe his life as anything but exciting.

“Yeah I get to do whatever I want whenever I want to do it.” he agrees.

I decide to go back to answering his first question, “That's cool... so continuing that answer to your first question, the Selected usually get half the day off so I kinda do anything that makes me a little more productive. The guards have a small training center underground where I can practice my marksmanship... I go over old war stories in the library... anything that makes me feel like... I'm doing something.”

“Marksmanship? What’s that?” Jace asks me.

“Umm.. uh... shooting guns... Can't get rusty while I'm here in the palace.” I shrug. Call me a workaholic or whatever, I just don’t like doing things without having a purpose, there always needed to be an end goal. Exploring the subterrainian levels of the palace had helped me discover some of the guards’ training centers. All I knew was that I stood an 18 to 1 chance of getting deployed after this Selection.

Jace nods, “Makes sense, are you good at the whole shooting guns thing?”

“I think I am, I mean.. it's all about practice and aim, and learning how to work with different kinds of guns... the ones in the palace are the same as the ones in my old base, so it's really just for polishing on old skills.” I explain to Jace, before realizing how weirdly specific I was getting with him.

I shake my head with a laugh. “Wow, I must sound like some psycho to you right now.”

Wouldn’t want my possible husband’s (okay not really my possible husband- we went on one date) best friend to think that I’m crazy.

“No you aren’t it’s your job, as long as you aren’t a serial killer than you’re good.” I was technically trained to kill for the military, did that count? I hope it didn’t.

“I can confirm that I am definitely not a serial killer.” I shrug, “So Bennett, where do you like to take trips to? You seem like the traveling type.”

“Really anywhere. I have gone all over the world, I like water and deserts the most. I have joined Nate and Mr. Schreave on business trips a couple of time but those are boring.” Jace shares with me.

My eyes widen in surprise and I’m trying to hold back a laugh, “Mr. Schreave? You call the king... Mr. Schreave?”

Oh wow, yeah- call the commander-in-chief Mr. Schreave- that sure sounds right to me.

“Well... yeah... I can’t just go calling him Spencer. When I was little I wouldn’t go up to him and be like ‘Hello your highness may you give me a piggy back ride please?’ Mr. Schreave is more on my level.” Jace laughs, explaining to me.

“You have a good point, but now,” I burst out laughing, “I can't get the mental image of the king giving piggy back ride to a little Jace out of my head.”

“He did it more than you’d think,” he laughs along, “He’s the best, he always puts his family first.”

“I could tell, it rubs off a lot on Nate too.” I reply, realizing they both had the same magnanimous aura.

“Nate is like the perfect person.” Jace says rolling his eyes, and that catches my attention.

I’ve heard so many describe his perfection, maids, guards, staff, other Selected… and now his best friend. A part of me wanted to believe all of their praise but the other part reminded me that no person could honestly be that perfect.

“He's sweeter than most guys I've known, that's for sure.” I comment about Nate, mentioning the aspect that I liked about him the most. There was compassion in that soul.

“He’s okay.” Jace remarks, and I laugh again in response- typical boy reactions. Of course they share some form of self-deprecation for their friends.

“Okay seems like an understatement for him,” I shrug almost defensively, “Then again you're his best friend.”

“It’s how best friends are, how about you what’s yours like?” Jace remarks before turning the conversation back to me.

“I've technically got 5 best friends, to be quite honest. You see, all of us belong to the same junior air squad and have been working together for the past two years. There's Lip Gloss, Wolf, Drone, Ears, and Crab.” I smile as I mention them, I missed them a lot. “I'm closest with Lip Gloss though.”

Jace laughs and raises his eyebrows, “Lip gloss?”

“Cassandra, that's her real name, nicknamed her that when she cried on the first day of military school when our instructor confiscated her lip gloss. We went to the same military school together, so we've been friends for a long time. She... was the one who was pretty excited over this whole Selection thing.” I missed Cass a lot, still do.

“She seems like... quite the person.” He comments, “The person I know who would cry over lip gloss is Mallory.”

“Mallory, wow, I've heard stories of her from the other girls- a lot are terrified of meeting her.”

“Just follow these rules don’t talk to her from 9-7, don’t be wearing the color white, make sure you have taken a shower within 3 hours and don’t offend her and she’s the kindest person you have ever met.” Jace jokes and laughs hysterically.

I can’t help but laugh as much as he was, “Oh my god, that is so specific.” I wheeze, “Is she that terrible?”

“She’s not that bad, just don’t get on her bad side and you’d probably be good.”

“Or you know... avoid her so I don't get to see either side” I shrug laughing, “Actually, I really haven't seen her around save for meals in the dining hall.”

“She think she likes to stay in her room, I’m not sure. I’ve never been close to her.” Jace remarks.

“But I do know you're close with Nate's other sister, right?” Now this was definitely a loaded question. I remember one of the Selected girls wondering if Jace and Quinn were dating… and well- curiousity got the cat right now.

“Yeah I guess you could say that.” He says nonchalantly.

“I haven't met her either, but I've heard good things about her.” That was the truth, everyone has said that Quinn was quite gracious. ((GET IT CAUSE… GRACE IS RP-ING HER?? HAHAHAHAHAH))

“She’s a good and kind person.” He’s practically turning red right now.

“I bet she is,” I smirk, I always enjoyed teasing people with their better halfs so I added another loaded question. “So have you gotten your girlfriend a Christmas gift yet?”

“Not yet, I’m not sure what sh...” Jace says before realizing what he was saying to me then giving me a death stare. HA! There it was, he just admitted they were dating.

“Gotcha” I wink at him, faking discretion, “You can go shopping with me if you want. South Coast Plaza is pretty big.” I tell him, maybe wanting to use his free time to go shopping too.

“Sure, you should help me decide what I should get her.” I’m surprised at how easily he trusts me, and a part of me is internally laughing. Wow, even in the Selection I still manage to wingwoman.

“Great,” I clasp my hands with a nod, “I definitely could.”

“What do girls even like?” Jace curiously asks me.

“That... kinda depends on what she's like... honestly. It's always good to base it off her hobbies, but you can also find something a little more personalized and stuff.” I explain to Jace. Getting presents for girls was just the same as any present for anybody else. It had to be personal- plus it didn’t help that I didn’t know Quinn personally.

“She is really into drawing so maybe pencils?” Jace asks me, and I nod.

“Drawing... yeah, pencils seem like a good idea- the collectible kind seems like a great idea, along with a sketch book.. or something.” I affirm adding a few suggestions. The thing with relationships and Christmaswas that… it doesn’t matter what kind of gift is given… it was more on letting the person know you care and as much as this made me sound like a Hallmark card… it’s the thought that counts.

My personal dilemma was that I wasn’t sure if I’d overstep any boundaries if I was going to get Nate a gift- because I had no idea what I was doing. I’d have to think about it, now I was here to shop for my Secret Santa and friends.

Jace nods, “Okay,” he says as he parks the car and quickly jumps out of the car, “so where do you need to go?”

“So I have to get my secret santa a book at Barnes and Noble... and I'm getting matching pajamas for all of my friends sooo that's probably going to be at PJs'r'Us” I elaborate to Jace. I was planning on getting a nice book set along with a couple of matching pajamas for my friends in the Selection… and five more matching pajamas for my friends in South Korea.

“I suppose, we'd come across a craft store somewhere here for Quinn's stuff.” I tell Jace.

“Let’s go to your stores first because you wanted to come here.”

“Alrighty,” I say as we begin walking around the mall. “So... do you go Christmas shopping every year?”

“Nothing too big and special.”

“But it's Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year, shopping is one of the best parts.” I feel like I personally should defend Christmas.

“We’re not really big gift giving people, like we can get whatever we want whenever we want it, so why have someone gift it to you.” Jace explains to me, and I understand where he’s coming from.

“Ahhh, right... yeah, I guess that's kind of the life of the rich and famous.” I shrug, “Everything's just at your disposal.”

If only all of us were born into a life like that.

“You seem like you are very much a gift giving person.” Jace comments to me.

“I give when I can,” I laugh non-chalantly, “Christmas shopping is basically the only real shopping that I'm interested in honestly.”

“Yeah you don’t seem like the stereotypical white girl, like shopping is everything. Like you fire guns because you can” Jace adds, and I laugh.

“Not like a Stereotypical white girl, huh? I'll take that as a compliment. You're not so stereotypical yourself.”

“And how so?” he turns to me.

“You're nicer than what I expected, I mean, you offered me a lift here, and all that. I was kinda expecting a pretentious rich kid.” I reply to him, honestly telling him my impression of him at first. I was kinda expecting a fuck boy, but I found a much more decent personality in him. No wonder he was best friends with Nate.

“Thanks...? I’m pretty sure you aren’t allowed to take palace cars anyway but no problem if you ever need a ride let me know.” Jace gives me a wink, and I nod with a laugh.

“Well, who needs Uber when you have Jace Bennett, right?” I definitely could save a couple dollars of with my new chauffeur.

“It’s free and won’t be 100% awkward.” A very convincing sales pitch, that was.

“Oh definitely, best ride ever.” I chuckle in response before I see a Barnes and Noble ahead. “Oh hey, I see a Barnes and Noble!”

The rest of the day Jace and I spent going through the mall and buying what we were going to give other people. I bought a nice Jane Austen book set for my Secret Santa, a shit ton of pajamas for all of my friends, while I was able to help Jace pick out the coolest set of chrome painted coloring pencils for Quinn and a sketch book with 500 leaves. What I found remarkable was how easy it was for me to get along with him.

“Thanks again for going with me, Bennett.” I tell him as we walk out of the mall, carrying our Christmas haul.  

“No problem, I’m just going to drop you off then head, just so you know.”

“You don't need to, you know. I mean, you've done more than enough.” I shake my head with a laugh, “You can go ahead, I'll just grab a taxi or an uber or something.”

“No no it’s fine, it’s not that long of a ride. It’s really no problem, I could always run back in there and see... Nate”

“Sure... Nate.” I laugh, way to be reaaaal subtle, Bennett. “Your one and only best friend.”

“The one and only.” he laughs.

The mention of Nate reminds me again of my dilemma. Throughout our entire shopping trip, I had been debating on whether or not I was going to give Nate a gift and in my head were dozens of possibilities of what I was going to get him, but…

I’m not quite sure if giving a gift gave the right message… for the reason that we weren’t exactly that close, and it may just seem like overstepping some kind of personal boundary for both of us… or worse, looking like I’m assuming something between us that may not exist for him.

It was only just one date- but I still held a lot of confusion in this continuous limbo of single and not single, and dating and not dating. This was why I hated dating- the uncertainty, the internal mind games, the war fare that only I could only see. I felt like we were pretty okay… but also not okay? He may think that the gesture was meant to win his affection, but honestly, I don’t think I could care any less if I won his affection now- okay maybe I should because I think I kinda like him- BUT THERE WERE 18 OTHER GIRLS TOO.

Feeling like an option sucked, but what the hell, I’ve got nothing to lose.

“Speaking of him...Do you know what he'd like for Christmas?”

He flashes me a surprised look before he starts the car, “Not really, maybe he’d want some guitar picks, don’t you need those to play guitar?”

“Guitar picks, right, I think I can find them next time I go out…” I nod my head wondering if I could order something online just on time for Christmas. I remember, he loved to play guitar and all that music stuff. It was just going to be a little something for someone who’s shown me nothing but kindness. That’s it.

“It’s something small but I think he’d really appreciate it.” Jace tells me, and I nod my in reply still caught in another mental debate with myself.

For the rest of the short drive we stay silent, listening to the back to back Christmas songs playing on the radio. When we both arrive back to the palace, he helps me unload some of my bags from his car.

“Thanks again,” I smile, “for everything.” I take the bags from the back.

“No problem, again if you need a ride let me know.” Jace tells me as we walk towards the door to the palace connected to the garage.

“I will... OH by the way, in case I forget.” Or you know get eliminated before Christmas, I separate one of the gift bags I got and hand it to Jace.

“Merry Christmas, Bennett.” I managed to sneak an extra pair of christmas themed pajamas for Jace while I was shopping for Ears, Drone, and Crab (and my brothers too, because even those assholes deserved Christmas gifts).

“Merry Christmas Marsh.” He replies as he holds the bag.

“So, I'll see you around, thanks again!” I wave my hand before I walk straight for the door and run to my room to hide all of the gifts in my closet. The holidays have just begun. 

[dragonlands]

hannigram - an abusive relationship?

Spoiler alert: it’s not. (But it kind of is. I’ll go in depth about that in a moment.)

I wrote this for a conversation I had in twitter, and thought I wouldn’t need to post it here, but since I saw yet another person claiming that hannigram is abusive I thought I’d post this.

People use the term abusive about relationships that are unhealthy (in their opinion), as evindence for why it should not be shipped/supported. The correct definition of abuse is:

“Treating badly or injurously, mistreating, especially psysically.”

And of relationship abuse it is:

“A pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern of control.”

So according to this it is abusive, I get it. They both try to kill each other multiple times, they manipulate and lead each other on. They don’t sexually abuse each other though, which at least in my opinion is the worst sort of abuse and I couldn’t ship a couple who did that to one another.

The other thing in this description that doesn’t quite match Hannigram is “abuse tends to escalate over time – it is always a part of larger pattern of control”. The mental abuse between them is at it’s worst in S1 where Hannibal manipulates Will into believing he’s a killer - but this is not to show his power over him, it is simply the only way Hannibal can bring Will into his life. Hannibal has after the first half of S2 been ready to drop the manipulation and violence between them as soon as Will does. And I haven’t seen anyone blame Will of being the main abuser, even though it could be argued that it’s solely his fault that the abuse continues.

The reason why Hannigram doesn’t fit the normal description of abuse is because their relationship is meant to be read as symbolic, not as a literal ideal of love. It’s fiction, and it should be treated as such. Fiction is great, because we can explore possibilities and relationships etc. that aren’t possible in real life. Thankfully the majority in this fandom are really intelligent and understand this, and only few people have failed at understanding what the shoe is about. That group still exists, and that’s why I felt the need to post this

What I believe the antis actually mean when they say it’s abusive is not just that it is violent and manipulative, but that “It’s an abuser/abused relationship, Hannibal is evil and Will is innocent, their relationship won’t work and does more bad than good for both of them, or at least for Will”.

Like I said earlier, it’s not a healthy relationship and it’s not one that I literally want for myself or for anyone I care about - but it’s not unbalanced. At least when we reach the end of third season they are certainly equals, there’s no denying it. I understand that some people don’t ship it because it’s too far from an ideal realtionship, and that’s okay, but hating on it and denying the fact that they’re equals who both choose each other in the end is just plain ignorant.

Will has always been alone, always been different. His relationship with Hannibal gets so close so fast because Hannibal is the first person who actually sees him. I’m gonna quote a Hannigram fic here because I think it described their relationship so well. (Will to Hannibal:) “You always wanted me to be the best version of myself when no one else accepted me for what I already was.” Just like Hannibal let Will see him, Will also let Hannibal see him. Hannibal didn’t “make an innocent puppy become a murderer”, he helped him to become what he already had the potential for.

If the antis and/or deniers have only seen season one, I need to admit that I understand them. Will did kind of seem like an innocent dog loving introvert back then if you didn’t pay much attention to details (like how coldly he treats the parents of the missing girl, how he isn’t afraid of human contact but despises it, how his humor is so dark that it often shocks his colleagues and friends and so on. I could make a post about this, if anyone is interested about that let me know). The first season is about Hannibal manipulating everyone into thinking Will is a killer, experimenting on Will and he does seem like a coldhearted psychopath there.

In season two we see Will gaining more power back, him manipulating and even seducing Hannibal. He isn’t afraid to kill a man in the progress, he eats people with Hannibal almost flirtatiously. This is not what an “innocent” man would do, or even what innocent man physically could do. The darkness inside him is becoming more clear, and even he himself admits that even though he wants to, he can’t hate Hannibal.

Will (to Peter): “I envy your hate. Makes it much easier when you know how to feel.”

He still betrays Hannibal in mizumono (even though he does call him at the last minute to warn him). Before I always though it was just because Will was still trying to cling to some sort of morality, but after Hugh’s comments it is obvious that Will was also afraid Hannibal didn’t and/or couldn’t love him the way he loved him, and so he thought it would be dangerous for him to run away with him and trust Hannibal with his life and wellbeing. Here is what Hugh said:

“I think Will has probably in some way never conceived the possibility that Hannibal could be in love. I mean, he’s got such a black heart. The awareness that they have this connection is something Will knows and is probably in some way profoundly ashamed of, and is also, you know, he keeps coming back to and actually kinda fills him with joy as well. But I don’t think he’d ever give it the name love, because I don’t think he’d ever associate love with Hannibal. – He’s never thought of Hannibal as being capable of love. Because like most of us, he probably had love put off on a kind of pedestal, as an idea, a more perfect thing, as he made the awful realisation: ‘Oh crap, maybe this thing I’m feeling is like love.‘”

I think it is clear to everybody at this point that Hannibal loves Will. His love, though, isn’t your typical “murderer obsessed with a beautiful and innocent woman (obviously man in this case)”. Hannibal loves Will because they understand each other, because they share a way of seeing the world, but also because they have interesting conversations and because they share the same sense of himor and have fun together. In a way, it’s just normal love, just deeper and richer since neither of them has ever had a change to explore that kind of love with anyone else before.

So to conclude: if you take it literally, yes, it is abusive, but that doesn’t make it wrong to ship it, by Hannibal standards at least. (The whole show is a little fucked up so if you can’t live with that why are you here?) Also, it has been abusive until this point only because they (well, mostly Will) have still struggled to accept their feelings for each other. Hannibal has only physically hurt Will if he has betrayed his trust or tried to hurt him first. Personally I don’t believe Hannibal would ever hurt Will again if they were to be a real couple. He also stopped the mindgames and manipulation as early as when Will got out of prison, knowing what he was. And Will has hurt and betrayed Hannibal mostly because of the reasons I stated earlier, because he thought it was the only way to save himself. If they stopped their game of cat and mouse (a game of cat and mouse where the roles change from time to time, or maybe even better description would be a game of cat and cat like Bryan called it) I wholeheartedly believe that they could live in a relationship where neither of them abuses the other.

Like Bryan once said, the core of their relationship is that:

“They had imagined they were unique before they saw each other. Obviously it took Will longer to appreciate that because he didn’t quite realize what he was dealing with in Hannibal, but Hannibal sees it instantly. It’s two people who have never been - I mean Will probably wears it heavier - but still, essentially alone in the world and then see some kind of, maybe not mirror image but the other side of their coin.”

And like Hugh said:

“In a sense the two of them have been wandering the Earth, totally isolated, because they have such a specific and elevated mentality. Not identical, but it is as if not only are you the greatest chess player on the planet, you’re actually the only person on the planet that can play chess. And then suddenly you walk into a roon one day and there’s a guy playing chess. I think that’s how they feel about each other.”

If you leave out the murder and cannibalism and manipulation, Hannigram is about two people who are different than anyone else finding love in each other. Their relationship evolves slowly from friends to lovers, and even though they try to move on neither of them can because they share something so intimate. So in its own, weird and symbolic way, i think Hannibal and Will’s relationship is build on a much better base and is possibly even healthier than many other ships and canon couples out there.

[oh-beyond]

Idol’s life - Mid-Term Break Special

Chen was so stressed and busy, schedules on a daily basis, no joy, no rest, no nothing, SM getting into his private life way too much, overwhelmed, doesn’t have a moment to even breath, he was done… but meeting this foreigner unexpectedly will make his days more manageable.

Fluff but it’s Chen so he always tries to add a bit of spice to everything because… it’s this cheeky person he is.

Chen (Canon) x Reader

Masterlist

< ❤ A Valentine’s Day Special ❤  -  Surprise or surprised? >

Summary: Mid-Term break just before Jongdae heads back to Korea, you just had those days off completely from any distractions, he has plans and they ain’t just cuddles…

That shower went… well… if it wasn’t for that little incident… his balls just seemed to get in the way all the time, still avoiding direct look, you kept ignoring the fact that something there existed.

“Baby it hurts, and you don’t even want to cuddle, aren’t you the one who likes cuddles?”

“As far as I remember it was you who wanted cuddles, look at you now all greedy.”

“Jagi is so mean, you didn’t miss me like I did, I was lovesick and yet you-”

You went on your tiptoes quietning his constant whining with a kiss, as your faces were both wet the kiss was very refreshing and soft but also intense, the kiss was fully capable of you to open the shower door get out as Jongdae stood there mesmerised at how bold and good kisser you’ve gotten, he knew you loved him and missed him just as much, he just wanted to feel it… 

Constantly…

When he heard the door of the bathroom open again he turned the water off, he wrapped a towel around his waist hanging it low, he knew that worked wonders, especially as the v lines and his killer happy trail were showing.

You didn’t give much interest as he got out and kept putting your moisturising cream looking at the small circle you did in the mirror.

“Baby~~~”

“Hmmm, yes oppa, I will be late my parents are going to kill me, don’t distract me.”

“You did miss me didn’t you?”

You looked back at him his fringe over his forehead little droplets falling, his lips were very red from the steam, more droplets falling from his shoulders creating lines that you followed with your eyes shamelessly, you sighed loudly your shoulders shrugging when your eyes fell in them majestic v lines.

You set the cream jar on the counter top leaning on it to give it justice and keep eyeing him properly, your hands supported you but at some point and you really didn’t know when your fingertips were at his v lines feeling them as they met on his happy trail going back up feeling his toned torso.

“What are you doing Kim Jongdae?”

“I’m not doing anything, I just wondered if you missed me like I did.”

“What do you think?”

“I don’t think, just tell me.”

“I’m dizzy, I can’t talk right now oppa, what are you trying to do to me? Here I am wanting to run to my parent’s because you don’t know my mom she will call the police if I don’t show up, and now I am really wondering if that will ever happen today.”

Jongdae moved away with a satisfied grin, he went to the room and came back almost running with your phone in hand “call them, tell them you are with your oppa.”

“They will hate you.”

“No they won’t… I know I can win your mom’s heart really easily, I’m a pro with noonas” he said winking.

“Yah! Don’t you dare, not taking you near my mother anytime soon.”

“Please don’t go.”

“Listen, I have to, I promise I will call you, I just need to tell them.”

“Tell them what?”

“That I will be spending the nights out until you head back.”

Jongdae jumped on the bed excited “jagi? Really? All night and day and night and day and night?”

“How many days are those?” 

“I will be here for 4 days, 4 complete days, with all it’s 24 hours and a full nights which I am not playing to use for sleep” he said as he kept jumping and… the towel dropped, your face turning the other way because as sexy as he looked with the towel wrapped around his waist this view wasn’t as amusing.

“Oppa, please!”

“Omo! You are still not used to me naked? Yeah you haven’t really properly seen me have you?”

“Oppa I am leaving” you said avoiding eye contact, you did spend the night together but it was still all weird and new.

“Well let me tell you that I have memorised every single inch of you, like the palm of my hand” he said taking the towel securing it again on his waist.

“OK so bye, I’ll call you” you slipped your shoes on, moving to the door he hooked his fingers in your pants loops.

“Goodbye kiss first.”

“What happened to goodbye hug?” you teased.

“Give me anything, I’m all yours.”

You went on your tiptoes again he closed his eyes pushing his lips forward like a cute ducky, you placed 3 fingers on his lips and opened the door to leave.

“Baby~~~”

“Oppa, 1 hour, we’ll have breakfast together and I’ll show you around, I also cannot wait to come back. I’ll cuddle with my coat in the mean time, it smells like you now” you ruffled his hair and finally pecked at his lips before closing the door behind you.

Your parents took it better than expected, you showed them pictures and your mother was really pleased of how good looking Jongdae was, embarrassing questions followed that you ignored. Your father just simply asked if he had a job and if he had enough money to sustain himself, you were very confident in saying that he did, finally asking you not to get pregnant. Why were parents so extreme all the time?

You packed a few things and rushed back to the hotel, you noticed how fast you were going when you stopped at the door before knocking, you looked desperate, you felt desperate, you were so desperate to feel him again between your arms, but… you weren’t going to give it away that easily, you straightened yourself fixing your hair, you fanned yourself with your shirt blowing at your cleavage, you felt your cheeks that were burning… it was the coat’s fault, you cleared your throat and knocked lightly on the door, Jongdae didn’t answer after 3 times, so you decided to use the key card Jongdae gave you before leaving, you entered slowly and heard him snore, you went to the room and saw him face down, wearing only his boxers, his leg hanging on the edge of the bed, you took off your shoes and tiptoed your way to admire this view, you got out your phone and started recording him, he was drooling and he made cute nosies after every big snore, you couldn’t keep quiet it was just too cute and funny, he slowly rolled over his back opening his eyes scrunching his nose.

“Jagi?”

“Yes baby.”

“Baby? I like that, can I call you noona? We can play” he said scratching his head propping himself on one elbow for support.

“What’s with this noona thing? You are pervert” you said getting up he pulled you falling down next to him.

“You jealous?”

“Yes I am, if you like them so much go get yourself one.”

“I just want you tho, I missed you, you smell so good.”

“Yah! Move away, come on lets go out, I’ll show you around.”

“I just want you to show me around you.”

“Oppa, really you don’t want to see my city?”

“I just want to see you, all of you, all day.”

“You know I was wishing you said that, because I want you too, I am just playing hard to get.”

“So is it a plan the 4 days?”

“Caged with you all day and night, yes.”

“As much as I like your coat… just take it off.”

You sat taking your coat off pulling your shoes out, Jongdae didn’t waste his time and wrapped his arm around your chest peppering little kisses in your neck, you unbuttoned one button from your shirt and he immediately pulled the shirt revealing your back to him, he pulled and you unbuttoned another button, slowly teasingly…

“Take it off.”

“Why?”

“I’ll caress your back till you ask me to stop.”

And that was a deal you couldn’t refuse, you peeled yourself from the shirt and threw yourself in the mattress face down looking to his side, your arms at your chest.

“Just relax.”

Slowly you stretched your arms as you felt his fingers on your back skin, tracing lines as he hummed a song you never heard, you loved his high notes but when he used his low notes… it was heaven, the whole experience, the adoration in his touch,  just pleasing you, giving you attention, every now and then feeling his lips on you skin to distract you from the fact that he had unclasped your bra.

“Oppa~~~ I was wondering something”

“Hmm?”

“You know the way you like… I mean you look confident onstage, you look at the camera… and the fans… I mean direct eye contact.”

“Would you like me to stop doing that?”

“No no, I mean I just want to know how? Why the others are not like you?”

“The others are not me, I think if I am going to do this I might as well enjoy myself, it’s really my personality, it’s who I am.”

“Aha…”

“You are not convinced are you?” he asked stopping bringing his hand to your hair and caressing your cheek.

“But like… how can you dance to ‘Playboy’ and ‘Artificial Love’ so…”

“Do you like it?”

You hid your face in the mattress covering your face, you felt his weight leaving the bed, your toes curling when you heard ‘Artificial Love’ playing on his phone.

You turned around holding on your bra and he was just there, dancing freaking ‘Artificial Love’ in the hotel room wearing noting but grey boxers and god almighty you dared looking straight ahead and what did he have inside? A pair of socks? Because that size of balls wasn’t even possible.

“Oppa? What are you doing?”

He didn’t reply, concentrated look, frown in display looking extra delicious his hair over his forehead.

“Oppa?”

“No cane anywhere, I guess your leg would do.”

Your leg was being pulled as you held on your chest for dear life “OPPA!” He went on his knees and ground his crotch on your shin holding on your calf.

“Oh, oh, oh… but oh my god” you said trying to pull yourself from his grip but in vain, he stilled you in place.

‘거짓 미소 Artificial love 거짓 눈물 Artificial love 거짓 사랑 Artificial love 그게 바로 너의 너의 Love love oh oh No no oh oh’

“Stop it OMG I am going to have a heart attack, and aren’t your balls hurting now? Every time I touch you there you whine and make me feel like I have stabbed you.”

Jongdae got up from the floor placing his hands on the mattress, followed by his knees caging you underneath him, hoovering over you making you fall back in the mattress while you were still holding on your chest.

“They don’t hurt if touched properly.”

“I’m not listening, you filthy pervert” you said closing your eyes tightly placing your hands over your ears, he took the advantage of pulling your bra away.

When you opened your eyes in panic to protest his lips were on yours, all the tension from before was gone and you melted in his soft kiss feeling his chest pressed agains yours, being in the mattress helped deepening the kiss without struggle, so vocal, so loud, it was just a kiss but he was so consumed in making sure every inch of your mouth didn’t go untouched by his impatient tongue.

“Wait!” you pushed at his chest breaking the kiss “is this all we are going to do these 4 days?

“Nope, first thing is you see me… naked.”

“What?”

“Naked, I want you to see me, you need to know how I look right?”

“I’ve seen you all, you are always in boxers.”

“You haven’t seen this” he said taking your hand guiding it to his crotch.

“I don’t want to, it’s probably scary, why are they so big.”

“They, and it!”

“Stop stop, this is very uncomfortable.”

“Alright, so this is the deal, no cuddles, no hugs, no kisses, nothing, until you come and ask me to get naked and I see that you are properly looking down here.”

“Oppa!” You gasped covering yourself with the sheet, you were so annoyed but he looked just fine.

He took his phone and called ‘Minseok hyung’ that you heard him say, he was bubbly and happy and kept talking and talking…

You stayed in the bed covered only with the sheet, thinking… why was he so cool about this? He’s always been so clingy, he didn’t care? In theory what he was asking for wasn’t that bad… he was your boyfriend the guy you lost your virginity to just a few hours ago, you were being inconsiderate here, and why was he coming back with a smile, he was FaceTiming now, you heard 2 male voices, OMG…

“Say hi jagiya” he faced the phone at you meeting with cute Minseok and a very disturbed Junmyeon.

You covered your head with the sheet and hid, but they saw you, yes Minseok and Junmyeon had totally seen your exposed shoulders it looked like you were naked, and why were Jongdae and Minseok laughing? Junmyeon such a gentleman, he was shocked also by the fact that Jongdae was in his boxers, this was too much.

“Oppa~~~”

“I will leave you now my girl needs me.”

He did not just say that and in English so you could understand it, you started to cry, but why? Embarrassment or the overwhelming feeling that he was this open with his hyungs? You were officially the girlfriend of an SM idol.

“You called Jagi?” said Jongdae getting under the sheets with you.

You covered your chest in surprise “they saw me! I was not dressed”

“Nothing is showing, I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“But they will think…”

“That you are naked underneath the sheets? Yes they will, and that we spent the night together and it wasn’t sleeping? Yes they will, and they will be happy because they know how much I love you and I suffered when you were not with me” he wiped your tears away.

“But still…” you said getting close.

“Nah-ah-ah, nope none of that” he said moving away.

“Oppa~~~” you whined patting his crotch.

“Oh, alright” he moved closer again, you buried your face in his chest hearing your breaths getting louder.

“Oppa I’ve missed you so much, don’t get away from me, don’t ever do that, I need you close, just the thought of having to deal with you leaving again.”

“I love you” he said his voice and octave lower “oh! Jag-wow that was fast, I though it would take more time for oh, it’s ticklish.”

“Oppa will you explain to me why are your balls are so big?”

Incredible 4 days, nothing absolutely nothing but being in bed, room service visited 3 to 4 times and often it was left till food got cold in the corridor.

Today he was going back ad it was a bittersweet feeling as your lips were on his chest your forefinger feeling his mole in front of you, smiling to yourself as he traces circles in your back and kissed the crown of your head.

“What will happened when you go back baby?”

“Such a bad student, why did you have to fail?”

“I was heartbroken, I had a boyfriend that ignored me.”

“I am sorry, I won’t ever do that again.”

“Well now I can’t go back, how are we going to do this thing oppa?”

“I will try to do this every month, and summer holidays you are spending them in Seoul, and I will pamper you properly and spoil my girl, and get you nice things because I came empty handed this time in a rush, and you will learn Korean because my English is horrible and I’m sure you laugh at me, and if we are on tour you are coming with me, and you will be present in all concerts, and I will sing to you, and look at you when I grind on that cane.”

“Your EngUish is so cute tho oppa, and I would love you to grind on the cane looking at me only.”

“You will be in for some ride, be ready.”

“So we will be like Jongin and Krystal?”

“Pfffff, do you believe that? It’s a lie.”

“So my friend has a chance?”

“Are you serous? Nini? He is so shy it will never work, unless she can get his inner Kai out.”

“So different from you oppa, no shyness in you.”

“And that’s why I got the girl.”

“Oppa cuddle me tight again.”

“You are addicting, come here and give me a proper goodbye.”

___________________________

A/N: Can’t finish these series, I hope you can cope with all the feels ^_^ 

Thanks for reading, feedback always welcomed.

[anavoliselenu]

blood chapter 9

 I folded my last collared shirt and put it in my suitcase before going over my clothes one more time. Everything was exactly as I wanted it, with neat rows of shirts, pants, underwear, socks, belts, shoes and toiletries.

I hated packing while at the same time, found joy in it. It was one of the small things that kept me sane in this crazy world.

I sat next to my gigantic, open suitcase on my bed and let out a deep breath.

It had been five days since that disastrous dinner at my parents' house. My brothers, Carlisle and I were supposed to go to Russia on Tuesday but our trip was delayed because my father had some other matters to attend to so it was pushed back a couple of days.

Since I actually had free time, I was able to see Selena more than I thought I would and that put me in a better mood.

As of now, Carlisle and I weren't speaking.

After I dropped Selena off at her dorm on Sunday, I did a little driving before I went back to my parents' house and pretty much had a two hour screaming match at my father for treating Selena so horribly. We had disagreed before on things but it was never as bad as it had gotten when I stormed into his office. I was livid that he made her feel like shit and I knew that he was going to act that way but it still pissed me off.

For the first hour, he just sat there and listened to my rants but then stood and gave me the 'I'm looking out for your future' speech. Selena was the first girl I had ever brought home and I should have waited longer than one day to let her meet my parents. Esme was fine and more infatuated with Selena than I was but Carlisle seemed to think that this was another one of my sexual flings that was going to go by the wayside.

Maybe I was just jaded but I couldn't really see his argument very clearly. Carlisle was being a jackass and I had never outright defied him before so even I was kind of shocked when I told him that I wasn't following his orders to stop seeing Selena. I walked out while he was talking and that was the last time I had said one word to him.

Could that day have gotten any worse?

Not only was I mad at my father but I had to watch Selena the whole time like a hawk. I needed to know that she was alright around my family.

I knew on Saturday, that Selena would probably be coming with me to church but I didn't want to warn her or she might flake out. What I wasn't planning on was being such a wimp about her meeting Carlisle. Like I told her, he was dangerous and could be quite scary if he wanted to be.

Emmett was texting me throughout the entire service, telling me to man up and just take the plunge. Easy for him to say when his girlfriend was a half Italian, Catholic, piano prodigy who actually worked for my father. Emmett and Rosalie were set. Jasper and Alice were set.

Selena and I…not so much.

Dinner was going well up to a point and my father behaved although I could tell that he didn't like Selena. Whether his reasoning was just or not was still to be determined but that was beside the point.

Of course, I had to deal with some things after dinner and Carlisle usually made it a point to not deal with crime things on Sunday but we couldn't help it. We had an execution to complete and just finished the fucker off in the woods behind the house. No one would mind.

My father and I saw each other throughout the week and Esme tried to force us back on good terms but I didn't care. I wasn't going to do what he wanted just because he didn't like Selena. That wasn't my problem. Everyone else loved her, minus Rosalie but she was a major bitch anyway so I didn't really expect her to.

My father on the other hand, I thought would at least have some composure but instead, he interrogated Selena like she was on death row.

He wouldn't tell me what he asked her about but I got the general idea from Selena when I took her out to dinner the next night. She told me that she was terrified of him but held her ground pretty well, which I knew she would but it still made me mad.

I had never been so angry at my father before and I was about to rip my hair out from just looking at him but I thankfully had Selena to keep me calm. Since she was in school, it wasn't like we could spend all day together but I had her all to myself during the nights. I would literally scratch my skin until five in the afternoon when I could speed to her dorm to pick her up for dinner.

We went to Carmel with Alice and Jasper a couple of times, I took her to some of my favorite places around the city and one night, she just wanted to sit in her dorm and eat pizza so that's what we did. I was still hesitant to even step foot in that shit hole but I kept my mouth shut.

I still didn't know how to be a boyfriend and all of this was very new to me but Selena was patient. What surprised me the most about Selena was that she didn't put up with any of my bullshit. I knew I had a short temper and on several occasions I blew up, not necessarily at her but I couldn't help myself when waiters spilled shit in my lap or when men eyed Selena up with lustful glances.

It was a wonder that I hadn't killed anybody this week.

I quickly found out that Selena was the best part of my day. She made me actually laugh and I was able to let my guard down with her although I had to put it right back up when people came around. I was still trying to learn how to walk the line between a complete psychotic killer and a man who was totally obsessed with a woman. They were two separate characters but Selena knew how to handle them both.

Now, five days later, I was just getting used to the fact that she was eighteen. Selena was eighteen.

I had to say it to myself fifty times a minute until I got it through my head. How the hell did I end up in this situation? She seemed so much older. How could she be eighteen? There were seven years between us and that was highly unacceptable in some of the circles I ran in. If I was forty and she thirty-three, then fine. If I was twenty seven and she was twenty-once, like Alice and Jasper, then fine. That would have been okay but Selena was barely legal.

I had to convince myself that nothing was out of the ordinary because I was already getting a wall of shit from my father, I didn't need anything else to rip me from Selena. She kept asking me if I was mad at her for deceiving me with her age but the truth was, it didn't matter to me. Yes, it looked bad that I was basically fucking a child but what was I going to do about it?

After that initial shock, I dropped her off at her dorm and just drove for hours.

I came to a realization that I was trying to find ways of ending my relationship with Selena. I wasn't mature enough to handle this and I was trying to sabotage it. That's when I realized that no matter how hard I wanted to pull away from her, Selena had a gravitational pull that I would never understand.

I had to let myself go completely for the first time in my life and just ride the wave that she took me on. I was also more determined to keep what Selena and I had intact. I could be my own worst enemy in all of this and I wasn't going to let outside influences tear us apart whether that be my father, the age difference, or whatever else. I was stronger than that.

That being said, Selena and I didn't really bring up the age thing because it was just a little too awkward right now.

I still hadn't gotten tested yet like Selena want me to because I couldn't find the time but that still didn't mean I had to keep Selena from experiencing the pleasure of my tongue or fingers.

That one night when she wanted to eat pizza in her dorm, I wormed my way into pussy. From the noises she was making and the way she was gripping my hair, I knew I had given her the most intense orgasm of her life. It was my fingers at the beginning of the night and my tongue right before I left. I couldn't wait to dive into her fully again but that had to wait until I got back from Russia.

This was going to be a rough couple of days without seeing Selena and I felt completely pussy whipped. I planned on leaving her dorm last night so that I could come home and pack but she basically begged me to stay since we weren't going to see each other for several days. I suddenly realized that Selena was dangerous.

She gave me "that look" and I couldn't deny her anything. I crumbled and stayed the night, not even realizing that I had other things to do. She probably had the ability to control people's minds. That's how she got her hooks into me but I didn't mind it.

Even though I was mad at my father for being a fucker, I watched the way he was around Esme and figured out that I didn't have to shut myself off from Selena just because I was a treacherous monster. Carlisle loved Esme more than anything in this world and he might be a bastard to everyone outside of the family but he knew how to separate the two worlds. I needed to learn how to do that.

I still hadn't told Selena one thing about this life that I lived and I didn't plan to for a very long time. That's why I wasn't mad at her for keeping her true age from me. That wasn't anything compared to the crap I had under my hat. My original plan was to scare her away. That didn't work too well because Selena was tough shit and my attitudes or blow ups wouldn't make her falter so I gave up.

At this point, I didn't really want her to leave. I hoped that if we were deep into whatever we developed, she would be able to look past my faults. Esme had, Rosalie had, would Selena? I prayed that she would. The truth was, Selena and I were already deep. Five days into our fucked up relationship and I felt like we had been dating for years. I had fucked her once, given her three orgasms, spent nights over her dorm and I was completely lost to the world.

I didn't notice until Emmett pointed it out but I hadn't gotten high since meeting Selena and that was unheard of. I had basically been in a constant state of inebriation since I was fifteen. I had even tried to cut out drinking since I learned that Selena was eighteen. I was slightly mad at her for drinking alcohol while around me this whole time because I was already living in so much sin and had a rap sheet that would put the devil to shame, I didn't need the police on my ass for serving alcohol to a minor.

Selena would always pout when I took the wine from her or ordered her a soda instead of a Blue Mountain but she was going to have to get over that. I didn't want to tempt her when she was around me so I tried ordering boring stuff. I actually spit out some horrible shit at dinner a couple nights ago and Selena laughed at me. She gave me permission to dink around her so I took that to its full advantage. I didn't get drunk of course but I enjoyed some strong stuff a couple of times.

In any case, I was going to miss Selena even if it was for a couple of days. I wasn't afraid to admit it.

I woke up this morning, not wanting to leave her room but I had to go. I promised that I would be back in a few days and she gave me an end all kiss that I almost used to convince myself to stay but I had to go, as much as I didn't want to. We said our goodbyes and I was going to call her every night.

Maybe this boyfriend stuff wouldn't be so hard after all.

I hated that she was able to control me like this but on some level, it was alright with me. I was normal for the first time ever. Of course, I still had to smash heads on the side but Selena was quickly becoming a big part of my life.

I sighed heavily and looked around my room for something to clean while I waited.

I snapped my fingers and remembered that Emmett had spilled a beer the other night on the kitchen floor and I had done a quick clean but not a though one. I jumped off of my bed and went to the bathroom sink where I kept the sanitizer bucket.

I filled it with scalding water, detergent and Clorox before taking it into the kitchen with a washcloth. It might seem overly dramatic to clean a stain with sanitizer like it was mold but if I didn't, I would feel dirty. At least I didn't rip the flooring up like I was tempted to do.

I took off my black, Armani leather jacket and laid it gently on the counter before rolling up the sleeves of my white shirt. I got some yellow gloves out from the cabinet and snapped them onto my hands. I made sure to keep my crisp pants away from the spot near the fridge as I began to polish.

It took me ten minutes of good, hard cleaning to get the stain up although it was gone after the first couple of wipes. I just had to make sure so I kept scrubbing. Since I was already on the floor, I decided to just clean the whole thing and it took me another half an hour until my floors sparkled.

I didn't mind cleaning for myself but anyone else could do their own shit. I wasn't a maid although the OCD in me made it hard to watch things get soiled.

I stood up and appraised my hard work before dumping the now dirty liquid into the sink and letting it dry upside down. I put everything back where it was supposed to go and then sat on my bed again, at a loss of what to do now.

As if it knew my boredom was creeping up, the house phone rang and I rolled over the sheets to reach it, "Hello?"

"Mr. Bieber, your ride is here."

"Thank you. I'll be down in a minute." I hung up the phone and jumped off of the bed, checking my room to make sure I had everything I needed.

I zipped up my suitcase and put on a coat, my sunglasses and watch. I made sure I had my messenger bag with my laptop in it and then turned off all the lights.

I locked up, dragging my carrier behind me as I went into the elevator downstairs. The doors dinged and I stepped out into the lobby of the building.

My suitcase rolled as I walked outside and met Shaun. He was a tall, heavily built man of about fifty who had been a private driver for me since I was young. He took me to school for years and was basically a part of my family. Today he wore a nice suit complete with sunglasses and a driver's hat.

"Hello, Mr. Bieber. Can I help you with that?" He took my bag from me and put it in the trunk, "I hear you and the boys are heading off to Moscow?"

"Yes." I nodded, "Family matters."

"Of course, I understand." He answered, knowing all about out underground dealings. He had learned over all these years to never get too involved in things.

I got in the back of the black town car and five seconds later, Shaun was speeding off down the crowded streets on our way to Palwaukee Airport, which was the place where private planes left the Chicago area.

On the way, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Selena's name flashing on the screen.

Good luck.-B

I quickly typed back a reply.

Good luck on what?-E

Your business trip. I expect you to sell lots of houses!-B

Oh, right. I'll bring you home a souvenir.-E

I want one of those dolls, that fit inside of another doll, and then another doll, and then another doll…-B

Gotcha.-E

I'll miss you.-B

I didn't know how to respond to that and I looked at my phone for at least ten minutes, wondering what to do. Would I miss Selena? Of course I would and I could admit that to myself but would she think I was weak?

I took a chance.

I'll miss you too.-E

I waited for a reply but nothing came.

I had to stop over thinking this or I was going to go crazy. It was only a few days but I felt like I was going off to war or something.

It took about forty-five minutes to arrive at Palwaukee and Shaun had to flash a special badge to pass by security. He drove onto the runway in the back where a private hanger held small jets that were owned by the rich. Of course, my father had two. I hadn't flown commercial in probably fifteen years.

Yeah, I was spoiled.

I got out of the car and went around back to get my bags.

"Hope you have a pleasant trip, sir." Shaun said.

"Thank you." I shook his hand and then went to go join Carlisle, Esme and Emmett who were already waiting near the entrance to the hanger.

"Eddie, finally. What took you so long?" Emmett thundered.

"I had things to do this morning." I hugged my mother and completely ignored my father, "What are you doing here, Ma?"

"I want to come with you all. I haven't been to Moscow in years." She said excitedly.

"I told you that this wasn't going to be a very pleasant trip, sweetheart." Carlisle had an arm around her waist.

"I know but I can stay in the townhouse. I don't care."

"Where's Jazz?" I asked, looking around.

"Right here!" I heard him yell and turned around. He was carrying two massive suitcases, more like dragging them and it looked like he was pulling boulders.

"What the hell is all of this?" Emmett raised his eyebrow.

"Alice packed for me." Jasper was panting by the time he reached the group, "She said I needed help in picking out my outfits."

"Okay..." I said more like a question.

"Don't say anything." He pointed at me, "I'm whipped but I don't care."

I guess he was taking this new way of life better than me. The only problem was that Jasper had been with women before and more than just one night. He had some girlfriends that actually lasted years although he was always distant with them because of our line of work. At least he had experience.

We talked amongst ourselves, me still ignoring Carlisle, until the jet pulled through the hanger and stopped in front of us.

The plane was a large sized, Gulfstream G550/GV. It sat fifteen, had the ability to travel up to five hundred and sixty miles an hour and was built for supreme luxury.

A crew dressed in neatly pressed suits took our bags and the white steps to the plane descended so that we could all get on.

The best thing about flying private was that we could do anything we wanted. No lines, no waiting, no screaming children but most importantly, no security. I literally walked on board with a Browning stuffed down my pants.

The whole plane was very stylish, embellished in warm wood and earth tones. Plush chairs and couches lined the walls, cream carpets were on the floor, there were two bathrooms, two sleeping cabins, TVs, outlets for electronics, a full service galley and circular windows that provided lots of light.

"I hate Russia." Emmett grumbled as he buckled himself into his seat. We were in the four that were facing each other with me sitting next to Jasper, across from Emmett. I didn't want to be in my father's eye line. Esme spread out on the couch, reading her magazine.

"We can go to the Smirnoff factory again." Jasper got a look of pure joy on his face.

"I already have my list." I said, "I ran out of vodka months ago."

The plane took off after we were all served a lunch of steak and vegetables. The plane was in the air smoothly like we were basically floating and by the time the seat belt sign dinged off, I was itching to get back to Selena. This wasn't healthy.

Emmett and Jasper went to walk around, watch TV, do whatever and Esme came to occupy the seat next to Carlisle. I read through a gun magazine and after an hour, the tension seemed to melt away like it was nothing. I could keep playing this game for years.

"You're not going to say anything to me?" My father asked when we were over Philadelphia. We had to make a stop to re-fuel in New York but after that, it was a straight shot to Moscow.

"No, I have nothing to say to you." I flipped a page in the magazine.

"Justin, stop being so childish." My mother said, "And Carlisle, stop being so boorish."

"I have a right to protect my family."

"Oh right, because Selena is such a big threat." I replied sarcastically.

"Justin, you don't know who she is. After I did the background check..."

"See, stop right there." I looked at him, "You had no right to look into her business. She isn't one of your clients that you can just dig into. She has nothing to hide and she doesn't deserve to be treated like shit from you."

"Language, Justin." My mother whispered.

"Do you know how old she is?" He sat calmly with his head tilted slightly.

"Yes, I know how old she is and I've gotten over that. I don't need you to jump into my life just because you don't like her."

"How old is she? Twenty-one, right?" Emmett asked from down the plane.

"No son. Your brother is having sex with an eighteen year old girl." Carlisle replied with a hint of anger in his voice.

"First, get out of my business and second, we're not having sex, not for lack of trying on my part but Selena lives by some kind of moral code."

"Oh Justin..." My mother sighed, "Eighteen?"

"Yes, eighteen but what can I do about it?" I was getting angry now, "You need to stay out of my life." I pointed at my father.

"Your life is my life. Family over women, Justin."

"She is the only good thing around me these days. Between you breathing down my neck and everything else I put up with, I need normalcy and she's it." I snapped and went back to my magazine.

No one said a word as we flew into New York and when we touched down for an hour long break, I went outside to smoke.

Who the hell did my father think he was?

I was a twenty-five year old man. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted and I didn't need his permission. Of course that wasn't true but still.

In our world, my father was the be all and end all. He was known as the Capo di Tutti Capi or Boss of all Bosses. He basically ruled all crime activity dealing with Italians throughout the world. Out of the six major Italian mafia families, we were the highest on the chain and Carlisle was God, if you will. He might rule everyone else but he didn't rule me.

I dropped my cigarette on the tarmac of the runway and pulled another one out of my pocket, lighting it easily. I drew in a breath and let out a calming puff.

"Let me get one." Jasper said from next to me suddenly. I handed him the pack and he lit his quickly, "So, you and Dad still not talking?"

"Oh, we're talking but as you can see, we're not on good terms."

"Obviously." He took a draw of the cigarette, "Do you know why he's so messed up over this?"

"No and I don't care. He should be happy that I'm happy or just shut the fuck up and let me live my life."

"He can't do that Justin."

"Why? He likes Rosalie, he basically fawned over Alice for a week, why can't he accept Selena? He made her feel like shit."

"It's just different for Emmett and I and you know it."

"What are you talking about?" I pulled more smoke into my mouth and let it slowly.

"Come on, dude. You're the heir, the principe..." He said in Italian, "...he expects you take over."

"So, why can't I do that and still be happy?"

"He doesn't want you distracted. He's just trying to protect you."

It was times like these when I could see the age differences between my brother and I. Jasper was only two years older but was wise well beyond his years. Emmett was three years older and as much as I hated to admit it, even he had a certain level of maturity that I didn't.

"Well he should have talked to me about this and not jump down her throat. She doesn't know what's going on and he didn't have to be such a jackass." I sulked.

"I know, but I'm just explaining things to you. He is doing what's best for the family."

"The family, what family?" I muttered under my breath.

We stayed in New York for another half an hour and by the time I got back on the plane, I was still pissed so I decided not to talk to Carlisle, just like I had been doing.

I knew I was acting like a child but he had to understand that I could do what I pleased, within reason. I had a life outside of this one and I deserved to at least try to be normal.

The plane took off and we were in the air, cruising a couple minutes later.

I kept up my depressed facade and leaned back in my seat, pulling my ipod out. Selena had copied her entire music library onto my computer so that I could listen to some of the stuff she had. I was more of an oldies type guy and hadn't put anything on my ipod that wasn't made before 2000. Selena was more of a mellow rock type girl and I was surprised to learn that I like a lot of her music.

I took a nap that I didn't plan on being too long but when I woke up and checked my watch, I saw that four hours had passed. I stretched and looked around the cabin.

Emmett and Jasper were furiously hitting buttons on the Xbox, trying to beat each other at some racing game, my father was going over business documents and I didn't see Esme but I heard water running in the bathroom.

Carlisle lifted his head, his eyes hidden behind half moon glasses when I woke up.

"Glad to see you're awake, sleeping beauty." He chuckled.

"Don't do that." I snarled, "Don't act like everything's fine."

He shrugged, "I just don't see what your problem is. I did what I thought was right."

"You don't see what my problem is? How about the fact that you basically scared the hell out of Selena. She didn't deserve your attitude last Sunday."

"I didn't think it would matter. Once you get bored of her, you'll drop her just like every other woman." He said nonchalantly.

At this point, I was livid to a level of anger that I hadn't felt in a long time. I thought that I was a tiger, waiting to make his kill. I had to remind myself that this was my father or I would have blown his head off right there.

"You don't know anything about me. Ever since I turned thirteen, it's always been business with you."

Carlisle took off his glasses and sighed, "Justin, this isn't a therapy session. You know I love you, I love all of you but you're different and you can't just be with anyone."

"Why not? I'll be with whoever I want."

"Do you really think you know her?" His eyes hardened, "Do you?"

"Yes, more so than you at least."

He reached in his briefcase and pulled out a folder, flipping it open, "Did you know that she had surgery when she was six to correct a bone in her hand that healed wrong after she broke it the year before?"

I kept my mouth shut.

"Did you know that her stepfather had a gambling debt that could buy me a new car? It's paid off now and he hasn't stepped into a casino since but you can't erase bank records."

I couldn't say anything.

"Did you know that her mother got pregnant last year but miscarried? I don't even think Selena knows that."

I just glared and felt my lips press into a tight line.

"Thank God she has enough Italian in her to be legitimate. One eighth is more than enough to qualify but that doesn't cover up everything else."

"Are you kidding me? How can you love Rosalie like she's your daughter but treat Selena so horribly?"

"Rosalie is like a daughter because Emmett loves her."

"This is pathetic."

"Did you know that Selena's father mortgaged his house to put her through college? And that's not even the best part. Did you know that said father is a cop? A cop, Justin!" He threw Selena's background at me.

This provided an unforeseeable problem.

What was the chance that the girl I couldn't stay away from, had a father who was a cop?

"Not just a cop, Justin. He's the chief of freckin' police for that little po-dunk town in Washington. Could you have put us in a worse position?" He sat back in his seat, obviously proud of himself that he had stumped me.

I silently read over the pages he had and saw her father, Charlie's impressive police career list. Not only was he the chief of fucking police but he was a part of the Department of Security in Washington state.

This was impossible. This must be some kind of punishment for all the shit I've done in the past. What the fuck was I going to do now?

If her father was police, then he would have heard the name Bieber. Everyone had heard the name Bieber. Had she talked about me with him? Had she mentioned anything? Had she told him about my father?

Holy shit! This was not good.

After I thought about it for a second, doubts started to creep into my head. Was she working for the police? Had she been sent to infiltrate me or something crazy like that? She seemed so nice and genuine. Was that all a lie?

No!

I knew it wasn't. I had more faith in her than that. I had more faith in us than that. Forget what the papers said. I knew what was real and I could tell when people were lying. Selena didn't know about my life and even though her father might be a cop, that still didn't diminish that fact that I wanted to be in her presence at almost all hours of the day.

That being said, this was something that wasn't a push in the right direction. Maybe this was a sign, some kind of omen that things between Selena and I wouldn't have an easy road. This was like a forbidden love, Romeo and Juliet mess that I had gotten myself into.

I was the son of a mob boss, she was the daughter of a police chief. How much more fucked up could we get?

"Family before anything else, Justin." Carlisle said lowly, "Drop her now before anyone gets hurt."

"Is that a threat?" I asked, almost in a growl.

"Absolutely. I won't have my entire empire, crumbled because you think with the wrong head."

"Would you rather I spend all my time with Vienna or Tanya? I'm sure we would have wonderful children together and your dynasty could stay intact."

"Vienna would be better than some piece of eighteen year old, street trash you picked up at a club."

"Fuck you." I threw the papers back at him and it was the first time that I had cursed at my father.

It was like the world stopped spinning and the air grew stale with tension.

Jasper and Emmett, who had been watching our shouting match, were both looking on with mouths hanging open.

I heard the gun cock before I saw it.

It was a massive Desert Eagle, similar to mine but two times bigger and entirely gold plated. Carlisle didn't shy away from decorating the thing so there was a substantial size ruby on the left side of the handle that used to be his mother's. He paid a pretty penny to have it laid in his gun.

The barrel of the shimmering gold was pointed right between my eyes and my breathing hitched for a quick second.

This wasn't the first time my father had pointed a gun at my face but this was the first time I had seen such anger behind his eyes. It was terrifying.

"Speak to me like that again and I will not hesitate to pull this trigger." He said so calmly that I was literally scared for my life.

"You wouldn't dare." I said in a soft voice, too afraid to actually talk.

"Don't test me, Justin. I've killed lesser men than you and I won't put up with your disloyalty."

"Si punta una pistola a tuo figlio. Come è che, per slealtà?" I said in Italian and even I was surprised by my boldness.

You're pointing a gun at your son. How's that for disloyalty?

I heard the sweet humming of my mother as she came out of the bathroom and her heels thumped on the carpeted floor.

"Carlisle!" She screeched when she saw what was going on, "What is wrong with you?"

"I'm just handling things, sweetheart. Our son needs to remember where his loyalties lie."

"I'm in control of my life, not you." I said through my teeth, very scared about my current situation and hoped that my father wasn't as daring as he came off.

Carlisle's eyes got bright with rage as he nearly shoved the gun into the flesh of my forehead.

"I swear, I leave for two minutes and a gun fight has immerged." Esme said harshly.

"I won't shoot him." My father replied.

"You're damn right you won't shoot him." Esme snatched the gun out of his hand so quickly that I didn't see it. She disabled the Eagle in a swift motion, breaking it into its four mechanical pieces within a second and threw them on the sofa behind her.

Carlisle looked like a child as his lips pouted and his whole body deflated.

"I can't believe you." Esme had her hands on her hips, "What has gotten into you lately, Carlisle?"

He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off, "I don't want to hear it. I can't even describe what I just saw to you. I should have taken a picture so that you could see how monstrous you just became."

"I wasn't going to harm him." My father's voice was actually timid.

"You had a gun pointed at our son's face." She said slowly, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry." He bowed his head and I didn't know if he was talking to her or me. I couldn't see his eyes but could still feel the anger rolling off of him or maybe that was my own fury.

"We need to talk." She pulled on the collar of his shirt and he lifted out of his seat, following her. Esme stomped back into their room and the door shut with a slam. I heard them shouting in Italian but I was through listening to my father.

My breathing was harsh and I actually felt a bead of sweat drip off of my brow.

I regained control of myself in a matter of minutes but that still didn't mask that fact that my father had threatened to kill me over Selena. Would I have died for her? Yes, I would have.

Maybe it was just me trying to be a rebellious teenager but just because he said something, didn't make it law. I would continue to see Selena and do it without his permission if necessary. I would flaunt her in front of him and bring her over to the house just because he said not to.

I realized that Selena was dividing a line in a family that once stood strong but I didn't care. This was my life and I could do as I pleased. My father could go to hell for all I cared.

"That was so wicked insane." Emmett came to sit next to me, "You okay?"

"Yeah." I sighed, "It wasn't the first time."

"I remember the first time Dad put a gun to my head." Jasper sat in Carlisle seat, "I was sixteen and wrecked his Porsche. That was not a good day."

"Oh yeah and then that time when I set my room on fire...accidentally of course." Emmett said evilly, "But he was so pissed. I saw the back end of that gun when it hit me over the head." He laughed.

I was calm but ran my hand through my hair for good measure to make sure that I was still alive.

The door to the bedroom opened and my mother reappeared, "Justin, honey, are you okay?" She pushed Emmett out of the way and hugged me.

"I'm fine, Ma." I said.

"I can't believe that man. He always gets this way when he's stressed. Don't worry." She kissed my head, "He won't be bothering you until we get to Moscow."

"I don't care."

"Don't act like that Justin. He really is sorry."

"No he's not. He said what he meant to say." I was still pretty angry.

She nodded sadly and then started walking back to the room but stopped and turned around, "Justin, I know love can be difficult but it takes work. If you truly care for Selena, which I know you do, this is going to be a very difficult decision for you two."

"The trial run is over." I said, not to anyone but myself. They didn't know what that meant. I was too long gone into this relationship to look back now.

"An eighteen year old, police chief's daughter. That's a better plot line than your father and I." She giggled.

Their relationship was hard as well in the beginning so she knew what I was going through. Her story was a long and sorted one that took way too long to tell.

"I just want you to know that I support you." She said sweetly, "I love Selena as much as you do."

"I don't love her." I said through clenched teeth.

"You come find me when you realize the truth, then we'll talk." Esme went back into the room and left us boys alone to sulk.

"This trip is already starting to turn into hell." Emmett groaned, "I knew I should have never come."

"Oh well, now we have an excuse to drink." Jasper got up and went to his bag, pulling out a monstrous bottle of Roberto Cavalli Vodka.

"I thought you got rid of that shit." Emmett went to the back of the cabin and got shot glasses along with a soup spoon.

"It's the only Italian vodka that tastes good. That's the only thing the Russians are good at." Jasper started pouring, "Vodka and guns."

"I thought Roberto Cavalli made clothes." I said.

"He makes everything." Jasper continued filling the cups.

He handed each shot to us and I took the spoon from Emmett, pouring extra vodka in it. I retrieved the lighter from my pocket and lit the spoon. The alcohol burned a bright blue color and the smell wafted through the cabin.

I trickled a drop of burning liquid into each of our full shot glasses and they all erupted in orange flames.

"To Justin's fucked up life. Salute." Emmett raised his shot and blew it out before downing the thing.

"To Justin's fucked up life. Salute." Jasper did the same.

"To my fucked up life. Salute." I raised my shot, blew out the flame and drank the burning vodka.

We touched down in Moscow that night at midnight and with the time change, we were nine hours ahead of Chicago so it was three in the afternoon back home.

I didn't want to call Selena for the simple fact that I was too pissed. I was still getting over the fuck awful plane ride so I refrained from dialing her number. We all got off of the plane at Sheremetyevo International Airport and even in mid-October, it was close to freezing. Well, maybe not that cold but I had to wear a big coat.

We got into the back of two waiting cars, me going with Emmett and Jasper.

"I hate this place." Emmett looked out of window, "It's so dingy."

"Dingy?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, just look at this city. It's filthy…"

"It's filled the best and brightest." I gave a sardonic reply.

Truth be told, Moscow and Russia in general weren't my favorite places to visit. Emmett was right, this city held some of the worst criminals in the world and my father owned them all. The whole reason that we were here was because Carlisle came to collect on a debt. He could have done this by himself I guess but in these types of business deals, it was better to have strength in numbers. Esme would of course be locked away for our duration of the trip and I don't even know why she came but there's no changing her mind once it's set.

The cars drove through the late night streets of Moscow as the city lights shinned off of the wet road in front of us. We passed the Kremlin, Red Square and all three of us crossed ourselves as we road by St. Basil Cathedral.

Compared to other districts, the city's south and southwest sides have considerably less industry. This was the place where all the historical sites were and the rich loved to purchase property out here, my father included.

The townhouse we owned was actually two put together since nothing in this city was very big. Esme spent six months designing the place and just broke down walls as she pleased. The space was now a giant, four story townhouse that was probably bigger than the Prime Minister's place.

The cars stopped with a halt in front of the brick residence and we got out, removing our bags from the trunk. Carlisle already had the door unlocked and Esme was turning on lights when I came in.

I was in a really pisssy mood and didn't feel like talking to anyone so I just bypassed the family, stomping upstairs to the room I always stayed in. I would have given anything to just go home but duty called.

Tomorrow was going to be a rough day.

My body clock was off on account of the time difference but I just stayed in my bed and listened to my ipod the whole night.

By the time the sun started to peek through my window, I was up and in the shower for exactly twenty-seven minutes. Washing, shaving, exfoliating just like normal.

I got out of the shower, clicked the lights on and off twice and went to the small ass closet where I unpacked all my things last night.

I threw on a pair of underwear and then thumbed through my selection of pants. I chose a sleek pair of light grey ones and then the blazer that went with them. I buttoned up a crisp white shirt, put on a black skinny tie, shrugged into my jacket, got on socks and black shoes and then ran my hands through my hair.

It took all of three minutes and my morning routine was done.

I walked downstairs where the smell of cooking bacon was coming from and went into the kitchen where I saw my mother at the stove. Carlisle was sitting at the island, drinking coffee and reading a paper, like he usually did in the mornings. I sat next to him without a word.

"Oh, hello Justin. Did you have a good night?" Esme pushed a heaping plate of bacon and eggs towards me.

"Thank you and no, I didn't have a good night." I ate silently.

She gave Carlisle the evil eye and then went back to cooking.

An hour later, Jasper and Emmett had come down in suits like mine. They ate and talked to Carlisle since I wasn't and our plans for the day were discussed.

"Why does Albert always disobey the rules?" Jasper sighed, "We wouldn't even have to be here if he kept his promises."

"Yes well that's not our problem. We came through for him, set a timeline and he didn't follow that so his time is up." My father folded his paper and set it next to him.

"Is anyone getting out of this alive?" Emmett asked.

"No, not on his end. He wants to play games, he can lose everything he has."

"I wish you boys would stop talking so evilly. I think I'm going to church today." Esme sat at the island next to me.

"Do whatever you wish, dear but we probably won't be back for a couple of hours."

Kisses were given, guns were checked and we were walking out of the door half an hour later.

My father drove the black Mercedes and I sat up front with Emmett and Jasper in back as we quickly maneuvered through early morning cars, on their way to work.

"Were you listening to what I said this morning?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes." I replied shortly.

"Is your head in the game?"

"Are you trying to ask me if I'm distracted by Selena?" I scowled at him.

He chuckled, "No but glad you're thinking in that route."

He still hadn't apologized for pointing a gun in my face but I didn't expect him to. The thing that annoyed me was that he didn't even acknowledge it.

The rest of the ride was silent as we darted through traffic. The beautiful parks and buildings of Moscow soon turned into what Emmett hated most. Dingy was the only word to describe what we were passing.

The sun seemed to cloud over completely as the Mercedes drove through dark alleyways and oversized, abandoned warehouses were everywhere. It was all very industrial and…dingy. I saw some pretty shady people standing around and looking over their shoulders as the seconds turned onto minutes on the road but they didn't bother me in the least.

My father parallel parked in between one of the warehouses on the corner of a particularly horrible street and put on his black leather gloves. We did the same.

"Like I said this morning, no one lives." Carlisle said simply, "Make sure you have enough." He checked the magazine of his golden Eagle and reached over me for two other cartridges.

I handed out all the cartridges that were in the glove box and we were all outfitted with at least two guns so this shouldn't be that hard. Emmett and Jasper had their huge semi-automatics but I liked to stick with smaller handhelds. You had to get closer to someone to kill them and I like seeing them die.

We all got out of the car and a group of street rats were circling the Mercedes. They were talking quickly in a deep European twang. Carlisle spoke to them in Russian and they ran off to play.

Carlisle went around to the back of the large warehouse and we all followed behind him. Once he reached a discrete door that no one would have noticed unless they knew what they were looking for, he knocked four times and we waited.

A panel slid out and two eyes squinted to see who we were. Once they realized that the Cullens were standing at their door, the eyes widened in fear and the panel shut.

I heard someone shout, "Everyone get out. They're here." On the other side of the door.

"Emmett." Carlisle said and my brother shot the lock off of the door with his .44 caliber Magnum, which had been designed to stop a car but worked well in breaking steel locks as well.

He kicked the door in easily and it hung off its hinges. We steeped over the wreckage, and had guns at the ready as people fled in all directions.

Albert was a young man of about forty who borrowed eight million dollars from Carlisle seven years ago to start a human trafficking ring throughout northern Europe. My father gave him seven years to pay it back and his time was up.

There were two main problems with this. First, Carlisle didn't deal with slavery. Albert knew this and lied to him when asking for loan, calming that he was starting up some illegal export contacts. Carlisle was not too happy once he found out that Albert had deceived him but decided to give him a change. The second problem was that Albert was way over his due date.

I checked his numbers and Albert had been making about ten million every year since he started this thing so why haven't we gotten our measly eight back?

We were here to collect and we were pissed.

This warehouse was where Albert did all of his industry dealings but it mainly served as a sleazy whorehouse.

Naked girls were running around, Albert's men were trying to fumble with firepower, Albert was nowhere to be seen but I suspect that the man at the door would have alerted him to our arrival.

Carlisle shot his gun in the air twice, silencing all the screaming, "I need to see Albert." He spoke loudly enough so that his voice echoed off of the stone walls and concrete floors.

The whorehouse must have been closed for the day because there weren't any patrons, just naked girls and the people who worked under Albert. A vicious, snarling dog was barking in the corner, baring his teeth and foaming at the mouth. The thing was annoying the hell out of me.

"Carlisle, so nice to see you again." A fat, balding man said. He was Albert's brother Gerome and was the slimiest motherfucker you would ever meet. He held out his arms like they were old friends. Emmett, Jasper and I stood back, guns at the ready to watch out father work.

"Where is he?" Carlisle asked, not even sweating.

"My brother?" Gerome said in a heavy Russian accent.

"Yes, your brother. I won't say it again."

"He's not here at the moment. May I take a message?" The fucker laughed.

Carlisle blew a hole perfectly above Gerome's right collarbone in the blink of an eye.

Screamed erupted and Gerome crumbled to the ground in pain, yelling to the high heavens.

"Where is he?" Carlisle asked to everyone in the warehouse. Girls were cowering in the corner and Albert's thugs were holding back more snarling dogs.

Carlisle nodded to Jasper, an indication to shut the door because this was about to get really messy. Jasper shut and locked the steel entrance that Emmett nearly broke but it was easily salvageable.

"Carlisle." A thick voice said from above us.

We turned around and Albert descended the stairs at a leisurely pace, a golden cane in his hand and a slight limp. He was in a stylish suit and had a young teenage boy following him who looked terrified. The boy was dressed in rags and I wouldn't be surprised if he was Albert's own personal slave/servant/sex toy.

"Albert." My father nodded, "You know why I'm here."

"Of course. Why don't we sit." Albert suggested and snapped his fingers.

Two muscular men, almost Emmett's size, brought a table and two chairs to place in the middle of the cavernous room.

Carlisle sat in one and Albert the other. We stayed standing behind our father.

"So, what can I do for you today?" Albert asked, almost smugly, crossing his legs. That would get him in trouble.

"I'm here to collect. I gave you seven years and your time is up."

A group of Albert's whores were trying to inch up the stairs but Jasper shot a hole right above their heads.

"No one leaves." He said coldly.

Normally, was father wasn't so cold as to just kill seemingly innocent women but we all knew that the sluts Albert kept were far from angels. The ones here served as madams, pimping out younger girls to rich clients so in this case, we didn't have an issue with ending their lives.

"That wasn't very nice." Albert tsked.

"We're not here to play nice." Carlisle's tone was evil yet low. He never raised his voice.

"As I saw it, when we made our agreement, I took it more as a gift." Albert sat back in his chair. His slave boy brought him a cup of coffee, his head bowed the whole time.

"Oh really?" My father held his hand out behind him. I pulled the folder from my jacket and gave it to him, "As you can see by the contract you signed, this was clearly not a gift as you put it. Eight million dollars to be paid back over seven years in a lump sum or on some kind of payment plan. You chose a lump sum and I even gave you a six month grace period."

"I can pay you now." Albert sighed.

"I don't want your money now. I want your blood in place of it. You played me for a fool, Albert."

"Oh Carlisle, let's stop this game. We're both grown men, we can come to some kind of an agreement."

"And how would that make me look?" My father sat back, "I can't have you living when you broke a promise to me. What would everyone say?"

"I never knew you to be one to care what people thought."

Carlisle let out a dark chuckle, "Not usually, no."

During this whole conversational period, Gerome's cries could be heard from behind us as he rolled around in a pool of thick, red liquid. No one moved and I heard more barking dogs as guards started to appear.

I cracked my neck in preparation for whatever was about to go down.

"I'm not here to get money because to be honest, once you're dead, everything you own will be mine." Carlisle said.

"Do you think you can just take everything and get away with your life?" Albert leaned in, "This isn't your turf."

"It became my turf when my money crossed into this country."

"You know Sergio owns everything over here. Do you choose not to hear the talk or are you really oblivious to what's about to happen?"

"Please, enlighten me."

"Everyone's talking. You have too much power Carlisle. You can't rule forever."

"Can't I?"

"Things are about to get very dangerous on your end of the world. Shinobu, the Denalis, the Volturis, none of them are happy and you have a shit storm coming your way."

I rolled my eyes at that. They were all just mere thorns in my fucking side, not a problem that we needed to be worried about.

"Aro has been mad at me since we were young. He always has something to say." My father replied.

"It's not you he's after." Albert said and his eyes shifted to mine for a quick second.

Carlisle sat up a little straighter, "If Aro has something to say to me and dares threaten my family, then let him but that's not why I'm here today."

"Well I don't know what I can do for you. I don't have the money."

"I'm going to ignore that lie. I told you that I wasn't here for your money."

Albert snapped his fingers and a barking dog was let go from the corner, barreling towards us. Before he could even start running at full speed, Emmett had fired a bullet through his skull. The dog whimpered to the ground, brain matter splattering in all directions.

"I'm sorry, Albert." Carlisle said and things erupted into a vicious blood bath as shots rang out all over the warehouse.

I left my brothers to handle themselves and slipped behind a crate to check the magazine of my Eagle. I took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves, ready to work. The irony of comparing scrubbing my floors yesterday and killing mafia men today, wasn't lost on me.

When I stood back up, guards were already dead, whores were running around screaming, dogs were snarling and Carlisle had the look of death on his face but Albert was still alive, for now.

I shot at anything that moved and my first bullet struck a woman with no clothes on in the face, causing a gaping hole above her nose. I didn't have time to care before I moved behind the crate, firing off shots at bodyguards that dared even look at me. Everyone was dropping like flies and since our father trained us well, Jasper, Emmett and I were basically having target practice.

There was so much noise and blood but I kept my mind focused on killing.

I didn't know how much time had passed but the numbers quickly started to shrink and I was stepping over bodies, blood being splattered on my clothes.

The magazine of my Eagle was exhausted so I quickly put another one in and started firing again. I hit men in the groin, causing as much pain as possible and didn't even bother looking at the whores as I picked them off one by one.

I moved from my hiding spot, into the open as I started firing at a row of guards on the second floor who were pointing guns at my father. I shot precisely into each one of their heads, causing them to fall onto the floor below.

It was all happening so fast but in slow motion at the same time.

I slid under a table that Jasper was using for protection.

"Let me use the Ak-47." I panted and shoved my now empty Eagle back into my belt.

"No, I was about to use it." He shot above the table and a scream sounded off.

"We don't have time for this. Give it to me." I demanded and tried to reach over him for the rifle but he pushed it away.

"No. You won't let me use your guns so you should have thought about being prepared." He shot again at a guard who was inching dangerously close to us but now had four bullets in his chest.

"Jasper, this isn't a game."

"You're right. Let me use your Eagle." He raised an eyebrow.

I snarled at his logic. No one used my Eagle except me.

"See. Get your own firepower." He smirked.

I didn't give Jasper another chance to speak before I rolled over, bringing the gun with me as I darted out from behind the table. I stood up and started running, dodging bullets.

"Damn it, Justin!" Jasper yelled but he was quickly drowned out by the ballistics that I was firing into the air in rapid succession.

I just made sure to not hit Emmett, Jasper or Carlisle but everything else was dying.

I suddenly felt a sharp pain on my ankle and fell to the floor as teeth ripped into my flesh.

"What the fuck." I turned around on the ground and saw a vicious dog tearing into my pants. My Armani pants.

I tried to push him off, not wanting to outright slay an animal but the look in his eyes told me that he was trained to kill.

I whipped the butt of the gun around, smacking the dog in the head but he still clamped on so I started pounding the back of the AK-47 into his skull until his teeth loosened and I heard a crack. His head nearly split down the middle as blood started pouring out the wound. He fell over to the side, nothing more than a mound of fur.

I looked down at my torn pant leg and the red liquid that was staining the fabric.

"Son of a horse's bitch." I muttered while gunshots still rang out around me.

"Your outfit get messed up?" Emmett teased and took the AK-47 from me, swinging the strap over his shoulder. In true Emmett fashion, he had taken off his shirt completely, looking like something out of Rambo with nothing on but his suit pants and dress shoes.

Show off.

I rolled my eyes and then heard heavy footsteps from behind me. I was dragged up by my neck as strong arms lifted me off of the ground.

A low voice spoke in Russian but I didn't pay any attention as I maneuvered out of his grasp. I could tell from his hunched stance and foot work, that the guard was Spetsnaz…Russian army.

Shit!

He was holding a sharp knife that he was throwing in between his hands, trying to get my eyes to follow it.

The ache from my dog bite was becoming known but I didn't feel pain anymore. After all these years, my mind didn't register it.

Spetsanz Fucker lunged at me and tried to stab my stomach but I quickly jumped out of the way. I might not have as much muscle as Emmett but I was fast.

I pulled the gun of out of Spetsnaz Fucker's belt and shot him dead in the back before he could even turn around. Five shots and five holes.

He went down without another movement.

I looked around and was breathing heavily as I surveyed the damage. I did a quick count of over thirty bodies, men and women, all covered in blood in heaps on the floor.

"Was that all of them?" Jasper asked, panting.

"Yup." Emmett kicked over a guard that was screaming and shot him in the head.

Carlisle was standing over Albert in the middle of the room, not a scratch on him. Albert's gold cane was stuck through his skull, sticking straight up, half broken. The cane was dripping with blood and the other half of it was pushed through Albert's chest.

My father looked slightly disheveled as hair lingered in his face but his clothes were pristine, like he had never even stepped out of the house.

None of us spoke to each other and we made sure that everyone was dead. A few had managed to survive so we finished them quickly.

"Is everyone alright?" Carlisle asked us.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Good." He nodded, "We need to leave before the cops get here."

"Yeah right. They've been after Albert for years. They would probably give you a medal."Jasper laughed.

"Be that as it may, I don't want to get caught up in Eastern European politics." He walked around, "Start the clean up."

Emmett left the warehouse and came back with a massive can of kerosene. He started walking around with it turned upside down, pouring out a nasty smelling liquid to coat every surface.

"This wasn't the worst we've had to do." Carlisle checked badges of the dead guards.

"Nothing like what happened in Miami." I said, remembering what a blood bath that was. I had more than a few battle wounds from that fight.

"Hey! What the hell are we going to do with this thing?" Emmett said suddenly and tried to crawl into the corner.

The slave boy darted away from him and starting running around the warehouse towards the exit. Jasper and I kept shooting at him but the fucker was fast and he dove behind a crate.

"Hey, boy!" Jasper yelled and went to chase after him. He caught him by his rag of a shirt and started pulling the slave towards Carlisle.

The boy was screaming and shouting in Russian but he didn't have an accent. He had no shoes and his body was filthy.

Jasper dropped him at Carlisle's feet and the boy whimpered with his head down.

Emmett stopped pouring, put his shirt back on and came to join our group. We trapped the boy in a circle so that he couldn't try to run again.

"What's your name?" Carlisle asked forcefully.

The boy didn't lift his head and didn't reply.

Carlisle picked him up roughly by his shirt, "I asked you a question." He shook him.

"Al…Alec." He said in perfect English with a slight accent.

"How old are you?"

"I think fourteen." His voice was so shy and almost withdrawn.

"You think?" Carlisle was over playing games.

"I don't remember."

"Where are you from?" Jasper asked.

"I don't remember."

Carlisle threw him back on the ground, "Do you have a family?"

"No, Albert is my master."

Carlisle looked at me and then Emmett and then Jasper.

"Get up." Carlisle said, his voice softening in a second, "Follow me." He instructed and then started walking out of the door.

Alec didn't move but stayed huddled on the floor in a ball.

"Hey, kid. You might want to listen to him." Jasper pointed behind as Carlisle left the warehouse.

"I…I can't." Alec shook, "Albert will kill me."

"You see this, kid?" Emmett pointed to Albert on the floor next to us, "That's your master. He aint coming back."

"I…I can't." He repeated.

I shrugged, "Leave him here." I started to walk away, knowing perfectly well that when this bitch began burning to the ground, Alec would be the first one out.

Jasper, Emmett, and I stood outside the warehouse as I lit a match and set a stream of kerosene on fire that led to the door. The whole thing erupted in flames from the inside and thick black smoke started to crawl up to the sky.

We all got in the waiting Mercedes and Carlisle left the car running for two minutes. A fire truck's sirens were wailing in the distance but we didn't move. Emmett held the back car door open as he sat inside.

Alec ran out of the warehouse, in between the flames and stood on the street with a frightened look on his face.

"Get in, kid." Emmett held the door open wider.

Alec hesitantly jumped in but moved quicker when a window upstairs blew out.

Emmett shut the door and Carlisle pumped the gas at the same time. We sped off without a word and merged into heavy traffic on our way into the better part of town.

Half an hour later, we halted in front of the townhouse.

"Are…are you going to kill me?" Alec asked in a whisper, "I can work. Just don't kill me, please."

"No. We won't kill you." My father said simply and got out of the car.

"He's a good guy, just don't make him mad." I sighed, speaking to myself and the kid in the back.

Emmett put Alec over his shoulder and carried him inside as Jasper and I followed. I locked the doors and we went into the family room where Esme was watching the news. The story was about a warehouse down near the docks that was currently being engulfed in flames. The sorry ass fire department was trying their hardest to put it out.

"I'm so glad you all are safe." Esme jumped off of the couch and wrapped her arms around Jasper's body.

He just laughed and hugged her back, "We're fine, Ma."

"Yeah and we brought you a present." Emmett set Alec down.

Esme tilted her head and looked between Alec and Carlisle, "Who's this?" She asked.

"This is Alec, sweetheart. He was Albert's slave." My father took off his jacket, throwing it over the back of the couch.

Esme's face softened to the point of melted ice cream and I already knew what was going through her head.

"Great, another one." I threw my hands up in the air.

"Hey, orphans are cool." Jasper defended his people with a chuckle, "I should know."

"You're not an orphan. Shut up." Carlisle hit the back of his head.

"I'm surprised you left any survivors." Esme quirked an eyebrow at my father, "And don't sit on my sofa with all that blood. Everyone, down to your underwear." She commanded.

"Ma…" Emmett complained.

"Oh hush. I've seen you in less." She ran to the kitchen and came back with a black trash bag, holding it out for us to drop our clothes into.

I was the first to strip down, not really caring and stood in the corner in nothing but boxers. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle followed and they all stuffed them in the bag. Esme held it out for Alec but he stood there shyly.

"Do…do I have to?" He hung his head.

"Is something wrong?" Esme asked him.

"No, I just don't want to."

"Are you alright?" My mother's voice was endearing.

"I don't…I don't know where I am. Are you going to hurt me?" Alec shook when Esme stepped closer to him.

"No, we're here to help you." She said sweetly.

"But…you killed all those people." I could barely hear him.

"You're going to have to get over that, kid." Emmett came back into the room with a piece of chicken.

I think I heard Alec crying.

Esme dropped the bag and wrapped her arms around his filthy body. He was so malnourished that he looked even skinner than she did but was about a head taller.

"Come on. I'll help you." Esme said lovingly and started to lead him upstairs, "Jasper, burn those." She pointed at the trash bag.

"Did you have to bring him back here?" Emmett asked Carlisle.

"I couldn't leave him there. He didn't do anything." My father said and looked at me, "He won't be a problem." The way Carlisle said it was like he was disappointed in me. Maybe Alec could provide him with a son he was proud of.

I didn't say anything back.

Carlisle then followed Esme upstairs, "Emmett, call Jerry back home and tell him to get another room ready."

Jasper picked up the bag, taking it in the back, Emmett laid out on the couch with his phone and I nearly ran upstairs.

I immediately jumped in the shower and turned the water to near burning temperature. I let it run over my body as my muscles relaxed. With the time difference and the fucking death trap I just walked out of, my body was exhausted. I made sure to disinfect my dog bite that didn't look too bad and then washed all the grime out of my hair.

After my twenty-seven minutes in the shower, I got out and just pulled on a pair of boxers before climbing into cool sheets. I sighed longingly one time before I dialed Selena's number on my phone. With it being noon here in Moscow, it was three in the morning in Chicago but Selena said I could call her no matter what time of day it was and I didn't think I could go through the rest of the time here without hearing her voice.

I know, I'm a pussy.

The phone rang four times and I knew that my long distance bill was going to be higher than Mt. Everest but I didn't care.

She picked up with a groggy, tired voice, "Justin?"

"Hey, beautiful." I couldn't help the grin that crept onto my face.

"Finally! I fell asleep on the phone."

"Sorry." I chuckled, "How are you?"

"Tired but happy to hear from you."

"Should I let you go back to bed?"

"Don't you dare."

Her voice literally pulled all the negative energy out of me and calmed my body to the point of a comatose state.

"So, how was your day? What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing special. Just the same old, same old."

Officer Jacob Black sat back in his swivel chair and gripped his hair.

The Chicago Police Department's offices were closed, only the night maids were up at this hour. He had been going through his files for the past six hours, not moving, not eating, not sleeping.

The Cullens were providing more of a problem than he ever thought possible. It was so hard to even think about what they were up to because they always stayed two steps ahead of the police. It was impossible to catch these fuckers. Who the hell were they?

The thing about Officer Jacob Black was that the more the Cullens outsmarted him, the more he was determined to catch them at their own game. He took his job seriously and didn't put up with bullshit, including the infamous Cullens.

Black would have given up by now if he was any lesser man. He never gave up on a challenge.

Jacob sighed a heavy sigh and sat up in his seat, taking a huge gulp of coffee.

"This shouldn't be that hard." He groaned, "I'm better than them."

It wasn't the fact that the Cullens were innocent but Black didn't want to arrest Carlisle for tax evasion, Justin for a speeding ticket or Emmett on a morals charge. He was going for the big guns. Extortion, drugs, guns, illegal money laundering, murder; there was a list as long as the Chicago River but somehow nothing ever stuck.

Carlisle was clean. He never left tracks and his sons followed in his pristine record.

Black thought back through his memory at what he was doing wrong. Why couldn't he catch them?

It was inconceivable that someone could be totally infallible. Even the Pope and some form of sin in him but if you looked at a Bieber's record, you would have never known that they were carrying any baggage. It was like they were clean without a smudge on them.

While Carlisle was the leader and Emmett was the muscle and Jasper was the charmer, Justin was the second-in-command, the man in the most valuable position.

Who would take over when the father stepped down? Who would rise to become the boss? Who would everyone else answer to? Who would be the man in charge?

Justin.

That was who Black was after. Maybe it was because they were around the same age, maybe it was because they had similar goals of superiority, or maybe it was the simple fact that Justin had taunted him for years but Jacob Black wasn't giving up until he had the second-in-command, in handcuffs.

An arrest of Justin Bieber would be an immediate career boost and on top of it all, Black would be able to put his nemesis away for life.

The only problem was that Justin had a brain on him that rivaled any mathematician or Rhodes Scholar out there. It was shameful at how easily he could elude the law and still be living to tell his sorted tale.

"Hey, Boss." Seth Clearwater walked into the office with a bag full of amazing smelling sandwiches, "I got you the regular pastrami on rye." He sat down and propped his feet up on the desk.

"I can't eat right now." Black grunted, "I'm so pissed at myself."

"Why, what happened now?" Clearwater took a huge bite out of his meatball sub.

"I've been going over this shit for the past two weeks and I don't even think I've made a dent in these files." He pounded his fists on the desk.

"Oh come on. You can't beat yourself up over this thing. The Cullens are untouchable."

Black glared at his deputy, "That's why no one's caught them yet. People think that they can get away with what they want..."

"I didn't mean anything by it but you've just got to wait for them to fuck themselves over."

"That could take years." Black picked up a grainy black and white photo, "Do you see this guy?"

Clearwater nodded with a mouthful of food.

"That's Nicola Rossini aka Bieber. He started this whole family and he's still sitting pretty in Sicily. Granted, he's over one hundred but still…"

"So what does he have to do with anything?"

"He was smart but his grandson is smarter. Carlisle has created super machines for sons and I will catch them but I don't know how to pin them down."

"It's not like we haven't been trying. We've gone through all the files, we've been following them for weeks. What more do you want us to do?"

"I want you to catch the fuckers." In a rage, Black shoved some papers off of his desk, "No one is above the law." He shouted.

"Whoa, Jake dude, calm down." Clearwater said, concerned that this case was going to give his boss and friend an aneurysm.

"I know, I know." Blacked breathed in deeply, "I just can't stand Justin." He growled.

Clearwater chuckled, "Justin is one cocky son of a bitch but he's crafty."

"Whose side are you on?" Black glowered.

"I'm on yours, Boss. Honest but you're going to kill yourself over this and they just aren't worth it. Let the Cullens come to an end on their own. We know half of the underworld is after them, especially Justin so it's not too much longer…"

"That's just the thing, half of the underworld has been after them for the past century. No one is ever going to take them down because they're too powerful."

"We just need an in. It shouldn't be this hard." Clearwater sat back in his seat.

They thought silently for about ten minutes, not saying anything because nothing was really worth saying.

This was driving everyone in the Organized Crime division crazy. Black had halted all of his other inferior cases, allowing the majority of his time get filled with the Cullens. Clearwater, although he was young, was clever and could help in tight situations. It wasn't that easy for a deputy to think on his toes but Clearwater was good at what he did.

There was a knock at the door and a tired looking Embry Call was panting in the entrance.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Black asked his other deputy.

"I…I …I just ran up the stairs…" He sat in the other chair, grabbing Clearwater's bottle of water, "The elevators are out."

"If you were in shape, this wouldn't be a problem." Black shook his head.

"I have a six pack, that automatically makes me in shape." Call downed the water, "Anyway, I have news."

"News?" Clearwater arched his eyebrow.

"Yeah and I couldn't find Bieber anywhere. Justin was like a ghost since yesterday and I found out from some guys I know over at the airport that Daddy Bieber charted his jet for a weeklong trip to Moscow."

"Really?" Black leaned back with his hands crossed behind his head.

"Yes, really. They left yesterday and won't be back for five days."

"Good, that gives us five days to work freely." Black got a new sense of excitement in him, "I assume he took all the boys?"

"Yeah."

"This is our chance to get in. We have to find a way to clip these fuckers at the knees." Black sat up, going over his files one more time.

"The family is so tight. They don't leave any loose holes." Clearwater thought out loud after a couple of silent seconds, watching his boss go crazy at his desk.

Black shifted the papers a little too quickly and a sharp pain stabbed the middle finger of his right hand.

"Shit." He said and watched as a small pool of blood began to pour out of the paper cut. A few drops dripped onto the files on his desk.

"Let me have a napkin." He said to Clearwater who handed one over.

Black began to cleanly wipe the few beads of blood off of the files.

He was blotting the outside of another black and white picture when he saw something strange. Black had looked through thousands of pictures and this particular one probably about fifty times alone.

This certain photo was strange because it was the only one where Justin was smiling. Out of the massive amount of photographs, only one was with a smiling Justin. What kind of sadistic fucker was this guy?

It was landscaped outside of one of the freshman dorms at Northwestern. Justin had been visiting there lately but no one thought anything of it since a few Bieber cousins attended the school.

On this particular occasion, Black's blood had dripped in exactly the right spot, illuminating a certain portion of the picture that was hidden in the shadow of a tree. Justin was laughing towards the silhouetted figure and it had previously been shrouded in darkness due to the late afternoon time that the photo was taken but a certain halo appeared over the newly uncovered form.

Black turned on the halogen desk lamp and held the photograph up so that the light shined through the portrait. There were students running around the quad, the trees were in full bloom and it was taken last week by a deputy who had been tailing Justin.

The spot of blood shined in the light from the lamp and a beautiful woman appeared to clarify in that very second.

Since the picture was taken in grayscale, distinctive characteristics such as eye or hair color couldn't be determined but at least Black could tell that she was striking, totally unlike the other sluts Justin usually conquered.

Black looked between Justin's smile and this new woman's beautiful face.

Who was she?

"Have you seen this?" He asked his deputies.

"What?" Call went behind the desk to get a better look.

"Who's this?" Black pointed to the blood stained profile of the woman.

"Uh…I don't know." Was Call's answer.

"You've been tailing the fucker for a month and you don't know?"

"Sorry but it's not like I keep my eyes on him all day."

"She's wearing a Northwestern shirt and outside of the freshman dorms, find out who she is." Black threw the picture at Clearwater.

A new sense of anticipation flowed through the officer who had finally found an in.

What stumped Black the most was that he had looked at that picture dozens of times and he was still in the dark as to who that girl was. How had he not seen her before? He should have been more proactive about all of this. He should have known everyone in Justin's life. Who was this girl who made him smile?

It took Clearwater an easy fifteen minutes of searching the Northwestern University registrar to find the girl. He basically just hit the next button on the computer three hundred and twenty one times until she appeared.

"Her name is Selena Swan." Clearwater came barreling back into the office, "She's eighteen and from Forks, Washington, wherever the hell that is."

Black snatched the papers out of Clearwater's hand, quickly reviewing the information that came complete with a school photograph, "Eighteen?"

"Yeah just turned legal a month ago. We could get him on statuary if he's fucking her." Clearwater said hopefully.

"No. Too hard to prove, too much of a cop out. I want to hit him hard." Black dispelled that theory.

For fifteen minutes, no one said anything and Black read through everything that was to be known about Selena Swan.

A father who is a cop? Maybe that would be useful.

This was some shit that was only found in dramatic movies. What the hell had Bieber gotten himself into now?

Selena Swan was a freshman from some little town in Washington State and didn't have any kind of infraction against her so she was clean.

The more Black thought about her, the more he realized that he had seen this girl before, twice in fact. They were both times when he wasn't really paying attention but he wished he had now. Each time, Justin was with her.

Once, they were laid out on the grass in the very quad in the picture, reading. When the hell did Justin ever read with a girl?

The second occurrence that sprung into Black's mind was the time when he saw them eating ice cream and walking down State Street. Her hair was pulled up then so she could have been someone totally different but Black didn't think so. It had to be her.

So…Justin had a girlfriend?

Suddenly, things snapped in Black's head.

He looked between Clearwater, who was currently picking his teeth, and this Selena Swan in the photograph. Plans were formulated in his head within a second.

Black had found his way in.

[theblogramblingritika-blog]

Entering the world of escorting

31st, December 2008; a 20-year-old hyper excited girl woke up at 6 A.M -  jittery with joy!

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had come home to Delhi over my winter / Christmas college break from U.K. My parents, as almost always, weren’t in town; away on one of their unending business trips. More joy to me though, which meant I could throw some wicked parties and have friends over until late almost every day.

But that was not the plan for that day. I was excited because my best friend had gotten her hands on VIP passes to one of the swankiest New Year party in town. My head was going bonkers. Parties are a very big deal for us women. Makeup, dress, hair - it must be perfect. Delhi parties are a nightmare — everybody judges you on your looks.

I looked at my watch, it was only 7 a.m. “Damn it! Why won’t the time move faster?” I cursed out loud. I needed to go to the hair salon but that won’t open till 10 a.m. What am I to do? I headed to my indoor pool. Stripping out of night suit, I jumped into the warmed water of the pool naked. Nobody is home, why wear a swimsuit? The water calmed my nerves a bit. In no mood for any vigorous workout, I enjoyed an hour of slow backstrokes and then go out the pool and sat naked on the poolside chair.

A pack of Davidoff Mild was lying next to the chair. I lit a cigarette and inhaled the awakening fumes deeply. Yes, I know smoking kills but there are only a few joys in the world that compares to having the first cigarette of the day. Stubbing the cigarette, I went for a long shower and again checked my watch.

9:30 AM. It was time to head out.

My Blackberry had started to buzz. Seems like I was not the only girl losing her shit over the party. What to wear? How to do the hair? What shoes? Which car to drive? The BBM group was going crazy. I finally made it to the parlour for my 10 AM appointment.

Ah, such joy. So relaxing to get a nice head massage, getting your hair shampooed, conditioned, straightened and sculpted to perfection. I drove back home and cracked open a bottle of 2005 Australian Shiraz. Yes I know it is midday, but who gives a fuck. It is the day before New Year, I am entitled to get drunk whenever I want to!

Oh goodness! I looked at the bottled! Fuck! It was half finished and I swooned a bit. Drunk already? I hadn’t eaten much and the robust red wine hit me hard. Phone rang. I picked it up. Shivangi screamed from the other side, “RITIKA!!! It is fucking 4 PM already!! ARE YOU FUCKING READY??” The call brought me back to my senses! Damn! I had to get ready, the party starts at 7.

I stripped out of my t-shirt and jeans, threw away my bra and panty and ran naked to the walk-in closet. What to wear? What to wear? Times like this, a girl’s mind goes blank. My closet felt empty although in reality, it was overflowing. My fashion design teacher taught me well. She said when in need, it is always Valentino to the rescue.

What I wore was simply stunning. A black, off shoulder short chiffon dress from the Valentino 2008 winter collection which exposed my thin shoulder and neck and exhibited my toned slender legs. Underneath, I had a black satin Victoria’s Secret demi bra coupled with the tiniest black thong. For shoes, it was a pair dark grey Jimmy Choo.

I checked myself out in the mirror. Damn! I looked hot! I spun around with the confidence of a supermodel. Yes, if looks could kill, I would be a serial killer tonight. I sprayed a whiff of Chanel No. 19 on my neck and wrist and it was time for the evening to start.

Travel time from my house to the club was around 20 minutes. Party starts at 7 and the clock read 6:45. My friends were already there so I revved the engine and drove like a proper ‘Dilliwali’, doing 70-80 km/ h. Not that I am entirely proud of that.

I reached the hotel and my friends were standing at the entrance, starting at me furiously. I handed the car key to the valet and ran to them. “Let’s get this show started guys!”; I screamed and queued up to enter. At the entrance, we flashed out VIP passes and were quickly ushered away by the staff away from the crowd. We headed to the private area which looked incredible. It was quiet, the decor, classy. It had only a handful of people. I could hear some muffled music from the dance floor below

We had our own DJ who played to an audience of no more than 50. The music was groovy, the alcohol was flowing like water and we were dancing and grooving like there was no tomorrow. It was around 10 pm when I realized that I really needed a break. My legs hurt from the dancing so I left the club and went to the hotel lawn to get a moment of peace and quiet. Also, I badly needed a cigarette break.

It was dark in the lawn, illuminated sparsely by some low-level lights. I went and sat in the gazebo and lit a cigarette, drew in a long puff and closed my eyes as I let go of the smoke.

“That thing will kill you…”. A deep rugged voice spoke out and startled me, “…and it would be a shame to see a jewel like you disappear so soon”; he continued. I looked at a guy sitting opposite to me in the gazebo. DAMN! He was so handsome. Must be in his mid-40s, he looked rugged, just like I like my men to be. His face was chiselled with a hint of stubble. He wore a blue pinstripe suit and trousers and his bow tie hung loosely from his neck. He held a whisky glass in his hand and a cigarette burned between his fingers. Taking a sip from his glass, he asked, “Bored much? Parties aren’t really my thing.” I nodded like a bedazzled school girl.

I have been sexually active since the age of 16 and as a girl with a nice face and thin body, I had my way with boys and always managed to get them to do my bidding. But this man was out of my league. I knew I was being played and he wasn’t even trying.

I tried to make some small talk and he tried to look interested and then he suddenly stopped me as said, “40,000″.

“What”; I asked.

“Yes, 40,000 rupees to spend the night with me.”; he affirmed confidently.

“Excuse me!” I pretended to be offended. “Do I look like a prostitute to you?”

“No, but I am bored, you are bored. You are clearly feeling turned on so why don’t you say yes, and make some money from the evening?” he coolly stated.

I was dumbfounded. Yes, I was turned on. Turned on by his confidence and his audacity. Turned on by the fact that I was being made an offer to be a prostitute for a night. As the daughter of one the leading industrialist in the city, 40,000 didn’t mean much to me. It was literally change-money but the fact that I could get fucked and get paid for doing it made me feel incredibly dirty in a kinky sort of way. I felt a familiar tingling sensation between my legs. I bit my lips. I could feel my pussy getting moist.

“Yes. Let’s”; I said weekly, avoiding any eye contact with him. For the first time, I was feeling shy about sex. It was the most amazing concoction of emotions I had ever felt.

He held his hand out towards me. I gave my hand to him, getting up from the bench. He held my hand firmly and walked back to the hotel. Turns out he was staying in the same hotel where the club was situated. As we walked across the lobby, I avoided eye contact with anyone. I felt like a criminal but truth be told, nobody really cared on this busy New Year eve.

We got in the elevator. He pressed number 7 and the elevator began its upward journey. By now my legs were like jelly. I could barely stand. I was nervous. He sensed it. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and said, “Chill, I won’t hurt you.” I pretty much surrendered myself to him. I let him lead the evening.

Room 7021. That’s where he was staying. He slid in the key card and the door clicked open and lights turned on. He led me in and closed the door behind me and proceeded to dim the lights of the room. I was breathing shallowly while he looked confident. He came close to me, put his arms around me and said, “let’s not play around, shall we?”.

His hands slid down my back, seeking the zipper of my evening dress. He slid it down and with a confident tug near my waist, my entire dress slid down, dropping on the floor crumpled around my leg.

Normally I am immensely confident of my body. I loved exposing but that night, I felt strangely naked and vulnerable. I stood there awkwardly in my black bra, thong and shoes.

“Wow! What a beauty”; he said admiringly. “Now let’s get you in the right mood”; he winked at me.

He held my hands again and drew me close to him tight and planted a firm deep kiss on my lips. His tongue slid effortlessly into my mouth and I had no intentions of resisting him. Oh God! He was such a great kisser.

One of his hand squeezed my ass and another groped my breasts roughly. It was a full-on sexual assault and I was loving every moment. My pussy responded almost immediately and the floodgates of pussy juices opened. I had never even been so wet before.

He continued to grope me, feel me, lick me, kiss me and eventually, his hand slid inside my thong and his warm fingers made their way to my soaking wet pussy. He pulled his finger out and sniffed it deeply.

“Someone is beginning to get naughty”; he grinned at me wickedly. By now, I was horny without any bounds. I was getting comfortable and gaining the confidence in the situation.

I looked at his crotch and saw a huge bulge in his pants. Looking at him I answered wickedly, “someone is feeling a bit trapped, ay?”

I searched for his zipper and slid it down and then slide my hand under his underwear and felt his hot thick penis. As I touched his penis, he let out a loud “aah”. He was feeling the pleasure! He closed his eyes.

“Shall we do something about this?” I asked him like a cheap slut. He was enjoying every bit of it. I started pushing him and pushed him till I made him sit on the chair. I pulled down his pants and underwear to his knees and then proceeded to unbutton his shirt. I exposed his slightly hairy and hard chest and then like a pro, I started licking him, starting at his neck, down his chest, lower, I reached his stomach, I went lower, I reach his pubes and then my mouth finally makes its way to his cock.

His cock was big with a nice girth. I took it into my mouth completely and start working my magic. My lips wrapped firmly around his cock and I slowly bobbed my head up and down, up and down, up and down.

Now it was my turn to be in control. He closed his eyes and just sat there speechless, clearly in sexual heaven. I unhooked my bra while I continued giving him a blowjob. I reached out and held his hand and guided it to my breasts. Oh! I just love it when a guy squeezes my boobs while I suck him.

Both of us were in heaven by then.

“Ritika! Stop…stop!!” he screamed. “I am going to cum”.

“Cum inside my mouth”; I said, like a proper street hooker.

“No! I want your pussy”, he said and saying that he leapt up, threw away his pants, underwear, shirt. He picked me up effortlessly and dropped me like an animal on the bed.

His huge penis was throbbing. I wanted it inside my pussy. I wanted to be fucked like a bitch. I wanted him to ram his hot rod into my wet hungry pussy.

He slid a Durex ultra-thin over his cock and got on top of me. We weren’t in the mood for any kissing or lovemaking. What we wanted was pure raw hard fucking.

He positioned his cock at the entrance of my pussy and with a hard effortless push, it slid completely inside me.

FUUUUCK! Oh FUCK! It was amazing. I was beyond any control and so was he. He waited for a second and then started thrusting his cock inside me like a steam engine. Hard, rough, in and out, in and out. My boobs bounced up and down and he would take small breaks to bite my nipples or squeeze it or suck it. He was fucking me real rough. I lost all senses, I didn’t know where I was, what date it was, what time it was. The only thing I was aware of was his mammoth cock penetrating in and out of my pussy.

I was screaming and moaning in joy. OHH! OHHH! OHHH!! AAAHHHH!!! when suddenly my phone rang loudly. I looked at it. The caller ID read “mom” and the time read 00:00 hrs, 1st Jan, 2009.

What do I do? I had to take the call but there was no possible way I wanted the sex to stop.

“Don’t stop but be quiet”; I told him as I hit the answer button.

“Happy new year darling”; I heard my mother’s voice from their side. I wished her happy new year and proceeded to have a normal 2 minutes conversation with my mother and father while my client continued to fuck me like a piston. This felt so wrong and yet so right.

Hanging up, I refocused on the sex. The relentless pounding continued and my body began to tighten. Suddenly, I screamed out loud … “OOOOOHHHHH FUCCCCCCKKKK!!!!” and my pussy tightened around his cock as I had the most intense orgasm of my life. My entire body shook like an earthquake but he didn’t stop. He wasn’t done yet and he wanted his money’s worth.

A few minutes later, he said, “get ready Ritika, I’m gonna cum!”.

“Don’t waste your cum inside the condom”; I screamed and he quickly slid his cock out of my pussy and removed the condom. We rapidly exchanged positions, just like a cliched porn flick. He got on his back while I leapt up and reached for his cock. I grabbed his cock real hard, put my lips over the head and started rubbing it very fast and within seconds I heard his loud groan while thick white hot cum screamed out of his cock and entered my mouth. I swallowed his salty hot cum hungrily.

We both collapsed on the bed. We lay there for a few minutes, completely covered in sweat. A bit of his cum trickled out from the side of my mouth. My heart was beating so hard that my entire body shook with every beat.

I was satisfied, he was satisfied.

I got up to go to the bathroom to wash up, clean my mouth and get dressed. By the time I got out of the bathroom, he had gotten dressed. He was wearing his night suit and signalled me to a thick envelope on the table. I picked it up and there was cash in it. I didn’t bother counting.

He made it clear that he didn’t want me hanging around and I was more than happy with this arrangement. We exchanged phone numbers and he promised to get it touch when he would come to Delhi again. I smiled, he hugged me and we said goodbye.

I made my way back to the club. My senses were readjusting to the dancing and music. I spotted my friend on the dance floor and went up to her and started grooving again. She was a bit drunk, she looked at me and said, “Ritika, where the fuck were you?”.

“I had just gone out for a smoke break.”; I replied, with a wicked grin on my face.