#jongdae fanfiction

[rancidtae]

ARCADIA’S LULLABY | CHAPTER 5

Genre: Mafia AU. Vigilante AU. Sci-fi (AI). Warnings: ANGST. fluff. mentions of near-death experiences. mentions of drug use. emotional tension during breakfast. chanyeol crying. Pairing: exo & Original Female Character (Jung Jiah/Kang Rina) - Kim Minseok/Original Female Character - Zhang Yixing/Original Female Character Word count: 11k+ chapter summary: the one where shit gets real and sehun just wants everyone to talk about their feelings and let him have his breakfast in peace. a/n: WE'RE SO BACK. (we're so over) but make it old-friendship-turned-sour core.

guess what you need isn't always what you want from me

masterlist - meet the characters

082809 - 5:34 pm.

13 years ago

“Yo, open up.”

It was the third time he knocked.

Chanyeol pressed his ear against the wood and heard the muffled murmur of a news anchor.

“C'mon, I can hear the TV, I know you’re in there.”

Not one to be patient when people were purposefully being assholes, he fished the set of spare keys Mr. Kang gave his mom from the pocket of his ripped jeans and jingled them extra hard. Just to piss her off and warn her.

“Wow, this is depressing.” he blurted out, closing the door behind him.

His 15-year-old neighbor did not look surprised, nor tried to pretend that his presence wasn't unwanted. Chanyeol, however, had never worries about being on her good side. They'd been annoying each other all their lives.

Tall piles of books covered the living room, some even went over his head. They were playing videos of the memorial with the president giving a speech in the background on the TV. A steaming bowl of noodles and some side dishes waited on the small dining table.

It was the anniversary of the Seoul Metro bombings. 

As always, every year the city shut down for the memorial. No one was allowed to forget such a dark stain on the country’s history. Over 900 casualties, even more injured.

Chanyeol remembered the day of the attack. His mom rushing to pick him, his sister Yoora and Rina from school, earlier than usual. She didn't answer their questions until they got home and she locked the door behind her. Mr. Kang didn't pick up Rina until the next afternoon, and he looked like a ghost.

That was the day he learned the meaning of the word terrorism.

He took a look at the family picture by the entrance and picked up the remote, turning the TV off.

“What is that?” Rina suddenly asked, making him jump on his feet.

She was curiously looking at the pale pink box under his arm, and it took him a second to remember he'd brought it with him. With every year that passed, Rina only looked more and more like her mother, the resemblance was scary sometimes.

He fixed his throat. “Pastries from Swimmy’s”

Of course, she knew that. It was her favorite bakery.

Rina, however, turned around with feigned disinterest.

“Ah. How’d you even get them? Aren’t they closed today?”

“I don’t know. Yoora’s boyfriend sent them, but she hates him right now so she gave them to me.”

“Cupcakes?” she asked over her shoulder, rattling things inside the fridge.

“Multiflavor.” he nodded, fighting back a cruel grin when she stills.

“You want some?” she asked, pointing at the bowl of steamy noodles.

Chanyeol couldn't remember her ever willingly offering him a bite of anything.

“Nope, I’m good.” he chirped.

Her face dropped. Suddenly deciding that there's nothing inside of her interest, she slammed the poor fridge door.

“Ok, let’s go,” he finally said, feeling like he annoyed her enough for the day. He did not lie when he called the scene depressing.

Her sitting down on the floor and eating overcooked noodles alone when there was a perfectly nice summer afternoon right outside kind of softened his heart.

“Where? Why?”

“Seriously? We’re not gonna sit here and eat them alone, that’s some loser shit. Plus, it’s way too much sugar.”

“It’s not” she protested, struggling to put on her worn-out white Converse.

“Maybe not for me, but it is when you spend your life slugging inside. When’s the last time you went for a run, huh?”

Naturally, they ended up making their way inside Arcadia, her father's arcade spot just a few blocks away. They entered through the backdoor, using Rina’s spare key that she religiously wore around her neck.

Baekhyun nearly landed on his ass when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, hand to his chest when he recognizes them and immediately lighting up at the prospect of eating pastries.

Rina found a seat on the countertop, while Chanyeol brought two chairs for himself and his legs from the backroom. Baekhyun picked up his copy of Rebirth and saved his strawberry-flavored gum for later, carefully wrapping it in a sticky note, much to Rina's disgust.

The three indulged in a cupcake each, humming in bliss.

“So," Baekhyun smacked "where you been?” 

“Busy.” she said, legs swinging happily, licking buttercream off her pinky finger.

“Doing what?"

"Stuff."

"Like what, sleeping inside a coffin? You look like you haven’t seen the sun in months.”

Chanyeol agreed. “You’re gonna regret staying inside once we’re back to school.”

Rina was not about to tell them she'd been reading those books at home, one per day like an apple. Her father kept bringing new ones, leaving them stacked up on every surface he could find, building a labyrinth out of them.

The last was Fahrenheit 451. Baekhyun would've liked it if, but he was more of a manhwa guy.

She took a look around the room, all the machines were on. She remembered something. “Wait. Why are you working today?”

Baekhyun pointed one finger at the door. The open neon sign was off, and the door was locked. “I'm not. My aunt and my cousins are visiting and I needed some alone time. And they’re all on because–”

“He doesn’t like the silence.” Chanyeol said, mockingly, with his cap on sideways and clearly finding Baekhyun childish.

“Please don’t tell your dad.” he requested with his customer service voice. “That reminds me, you think he’ll give me a raise if I ask him?”

“Aren’t you only covering shifts for Yuan? I don’t think he even knows you work here.”

He did not take well to that. Sitting up straight and dropping what was left of his cupcake on the box, he put his hands on his waist.

“Only covering– what are you talking about? I know this place better than Yuan ever could. I’m more of an Arcadia member of staff than he is or could ever be” he started counting down with his fingers, Rina took a deep breath. “I’m the general manager, I’m HR, marketing, I’m the cleaning and security staff, I keep an eye on Mintchoco at the back and even–”

Thank god, a knock at the front door interrupted his rant. Jongdae was leaning over the glass, cupping his face and pointing at the lock on the door. Minseok stood just behind him on the sidewalk.

Standing up with a groan and still complaining about the disrespect under his breath, Baekhyun let them in.

Minseok was hugging a ball against his side, had dry blood on his left knee, and his usually squeaky clean soccer shoes and white socks all dirtied up. Jongdae was no better, face dripping in sweat, fanning his shirt, complaining about the heat.

“Swimmy’s?” Minseok asked, eyes wide.

“Like I said” Baekhyun continued. “Arcadia is me. I am Arcadia. I know the consoles. I love this place. This is like home to me. I absolutely, totally, most definitely deserve a raise.”

“If you love it so much shouldn’t your pay be enough?” Asked Jongdae, standing under the a/c vent.

“Right. He makes a good point. You should be doing it for free, even”

Baekhyun glared at Chanyeol. “So what are you suggesting? Unpaid labor? I have a family to feed.”

“Your parents do the feeding in your family” Laughed Minseok, asking Rina to pass him a strawberry cupcake. One of the same strawberry cupcakes Rina had threatened Baekhyun and Chanyeol not to touch.

Chanyeol gave her an odd look, she pretended not to notice it.

“Just say you’re saving up to buy yourself a laptop.”

“That I will get my hands on soon if our dear Rinrin here tells Mr. Kang how good of an employee, and friend I am.” he paused. “Maybe just mention the employee part, nepotism goes against my values.”

"Ok” she agreed. But then she crossed her arms and lifted her chin, and Baekhyun’s cheerful grin crumbled. “But you’ll owe me”

“Ah. What’s this?” he sucked on his teeth “I thought we were friends.”

"You said nepotism goes against your values.”

“So you’re blackmailing me.”

“We’re negotiating.”

“Woah. This is unbelievable. You're really growing into an evil little thing.”

"Speaking about evil little things, we saw your boyfriend on our way here. He was totally asking to get his ass kicked.” said Jongdae through a full mouth. “Ith wath him, right Mintheok?”

Minseok tried to telepathically get him to keep his mouth shut, but he kept going, clueless.

“Looked like he pissed Youngjae off again. You know how he hates being stared at”

By her boyfriend, they were talking about Kyungsoo, who was nothing of the sort. He was, though, known for being excellent at getting on the bad side of people. It wasn't his fault, some just read him wrong.

Kyungsoo was just misunderstood. Often. And Youngjae was a bully.

“And now she has been summoned. Our peace maker.” Chanyeol announced, watching her expression drop. She jumped from the counter and started putting her hair up on a ponytail.

Extra tight, extra high. She meant business.

“Wait. For real?”

“You know, just because you’re a girl and your dad’s a teacher it doesn’t mean Youngjae and his friends won’t beat you up one of these days” Jondgae called out, finally noticing his mistake.

“Hold on, wait wait wait! You’ll tell your dad, right?” Baekhyun asked, watching her walk behind the counter and get the pepper spray from its secret spot.

“You’ll owe me.” she said, and walked out of the door.

The guys saw her cross the street and disappear from view.

"What was that?" asked Jongdae.

"Pepper spray."

Chanyeol groaned. “Dude, why did you tell her? Mr. Kang’s gonna be upset if she’s home late.”

Jongdae did not take well to that, and quickly started firing back questions about how is it his fault that she likes to take on other people's problems.

Sighing, Minseok rubbed the crumbs off his hands and silently made his way to the door.

“Really, you too?”

Minseok shrugged. “She shouldn’t be going alone. And you shouldn't have let her take the pepper spray.”

Jongdae, not at all surprised, only shook his head and stuffed his mouth with another bite. The outcome came as no surprise, he was just glad that the possibility of Rina getting in trouble and Mr. Kang being upset about it had significantly decreased.

Minseok wasn't much of a fighter, but he knew how to make younger kids respect him.

“Are these fresh?” Jongdae was frowning at the cupcake. “How’d you even get them today?”

“Mr. Kang asked me to pick them up. I don't know how he did it, but he got them to bake these for him.” Chanyeol answered, pausing for a bit before adding. “He asked me to get her out of the apartment.”

Jongdae and Baekhyun nodded in understanding, no more questions on the subject were asked.

081322 - 05:12 pm 

Consciousness comes in waves.

First, pain. Second, something warm and blinding.

Sunlight.

Third: white.

The room slowly comes into focus. White walls. Wood framing the window. Sheer curtains.

Fuck. It really fucking hurts.

She can deal with that. The disorientation? That’s different.

A burst of anxiety threatens to come to the surface at once.

Everyone has cycles waiting to be kickstarted at the beck and call of the smallest trigger. Good or bad, but most importantly, unavoidable.

Jiah spent a good chunk of her life testing out remedies for the bad ones. Prescriptions. Therapists. Thoughtfully curated lists of habits; healthy for the long term, destructive for a quick fix. 

And even though nothing could have prepared her for this, time has worked on her.

So as the events from last night come back to her and the doorknob turns with a click, she stays calm and lets her eyes close again.

The person lingers for a moment, doing god knows what. His shadow flickers through her eyelids. Eventually, she’s alone again.

When she opens her eyes again the drowsiness has faded. There’s a classic mid-century flip clock on the nightstand. A piranha plant figure stares back at her with its teeth all bared out, and her transmitter’s politely placed next to it.

She knows right away whose bed this is.

Painfully, she props herself up to a seated position and inspects the sling and the dressed wound. No ethical doctor’s gonna give her the dose of painkillers she’ll need for that.

She’s wearing a thin, depressing hospital gown, and that will not do.

He's definitely loaded. The house is enormous, enough to get lost in and fit her apartment maybe five or six times. Several doors line down the hallway leading to a vast, asymmetrical set of stairs. Vaulted high ceilings top up a communal area, with a long skylight that washes everything in abundant natural light.

She pads down the stairs, following the sound of voices and laughter.

And there he is, stomping out of what looks like some kind of office made of glass walls.

“Hey, hey, wait. No. That is not fair, how was I supposed to–”

He locks eyes with her.

Bewildered. Like he forgot she was there and that just a few minutes ago he was in that room with her.

She looks back at him, like she didn’t know it was him the second her eyes landed on that piranha plant.

A tremor goes through his body before he starts coughing violently.

“Fuck— what the fuck?” more coughing, he plucks something from his mouth. A ridiculously chunky piece of pink gum covered in thick saliva.

Heads turn at the rough edge of her voice “That’s what happens when you try to chew a whole wheel of hubba bubba tape at once.”

Byun Baekhyun stares back at her like she just said the most offensive thing possible, gum still between his fingers.

“Well you can’t just stand there and– lurk looking like– like Shanks and not expect to scare the shit out of innocent people.”

Two figures by the kitchen entrance watch them. One looks kind of confused, the other one crosses his arms and holds back a smile.

“One Piece? Are you twelve?”

“Says the grown woman who can’t get her arm through an oversized sleeve.”

“I'm wearing a sling, you asshole.” she snaps. Baekhyun looks down at the fluttering sleeve, sucking in his lips between his teeth.

And then, like switch is flipped, their expressions shift. Her brows soften, and a wry grin tugs at the corner of her lips. A lighthearted smile spreads across his face.

Jongin gives the person next to him a bewildered glance.

“What’s up with the hair?”

Baekhyun runs his fingers through it. “You don’t like it?”

“Let me rephrase that, did you go to Lady’s Room and talk to the girls?”

Silence.

“I don’t know what–”

“You still touch your hair when you’re lying.”

“Ok. Yeah. No.” He points a finger at her “You’re not going Sherlock on us when you just woke up after a near-death experience.”

“Says who?”

“Says me," he snaps with an attitude, quickly adding “Doctor’s orders.”

“So first Yixing’s a cop and now you’re a doctor?” Startled, Baekhyun opens his mouth and closes it. “What’s next, Kyungsoo’s a wedding planner?”

“Youth pastor, actually. Very successful. The youths love him. And I could be a doctor if wanted, by the way.” he scoffs.

She cocks an eyebrow.

“Whatever. Ah, this won’t do. You suck at reunions. Go back upstairs, we’re doing this again.” he waves his arms at her, urging her back up the stairs. Surprised, she spurts out a laugh. The rebound pain from her shoulder makes her stop and hiss.

“Alright, leave her alone.” 

That face she’d recognize anywhere. It’s unfair that they’ve all aged so nicely. Kim Jongdae looks like an upgraded version of himself, just with different hair and somehow, better skin.

“How are you feeling?”

“Lucid enough to steal my clothes, clearly.”

She realizes she's been staring at him like an owl and fixes her throat.

“Been better.” she nods, bowing quickly, awkwardly waving at the end. “Hi.”

Baekhyun snorts. "Did you just bow?"

Jongdae bows back and waves, amused but ignoring Baekhyun. “Wanna take a seat? I bet you're starving.”

She’s famished. The thought of food is enough motivation to postpone the thinking about everything that is happening right now. And since she's not escaping anytime soon, she might as well acknowledge the other person in the room.

“So, is Jongin your real name, or is this another Juyeon/Sehun thing?”

The kitchen is ridiculously huge, with another skylight at the top and an island at the very center. She sits down, leaving an empty stool between her and the impostor, who shares a look with the other two men.

“Yixing slipped up, wasn't hard to figure out.” she explains.

Jongin fixes his throat. “Jongin is my real name.”

“And how do you know Taemin?”

“We used to go to the same dance studio for a while.”

“And he just introduced us. By coincidence.”

Baekhyun steps in. “You had a horde of mercenaries on your track. We were trying to get them before they got you and Jongin was there to keep an eye on you. Him being Taemin’s friend was a happy coincidence.”

It's not convincing at all, and the thinking starts.

That’s for being so fucking stupid. Do you realize what you got yourself into?

Go ahead, big guy.

“Where’s Chanyeol?”

“What, are we not enough for the welcoming party?”

Jongin, however, knows what she's thinking. She doesn't like it.

"It wasn't him. The man in the bathroom came with backup. We thought we’d handled all of them, but a stray one took us by surprise and shot you.”

“I mean, we can show you the footage of him following the guy.” Baekhyun offers immediately. “But come on, you don’t think he–”

“No need.” patching her up defeats the purpose of taking her down, but that doesn't make up for several loose ends. “However, the manhandling was unnecessary.”

“You did kick Jongin in the balls.” Jongdae reminds her, putting a glass of cold water in front of her. 

“If you guys knew I was being followed then why didn’t you just give me a heads up?”

How did they know?

And where’s the rest?

Baekhyun smiles. "You made it abundantly clear to Yixing that you didn't want us near."

"So why didn't he come?"

“He was out of town, but he asked you to be careful. Several times, he said.”

He did. And she rejected his attempts at helping her beyond getting Haneul protection. Several times indeed. He was very insistent. She brushed him off every time.

Disoriented, she sticks to nursing her glass of water in slow sips. Several details keep her alert.

One, eyebrows/Tuxedo Mask/Sehun had or has been protecting Lee Chungjae, despite Yixing’s insistence that they’re not involved with his people.

Two, Baekhyun definitely went sniffing around Lady’s Room, and if she knows anything about him, he didn't just stop at that.

Three, Junmyeon and Minseok are members of the syndicate.

The sound of a motorcycle roaring outside grows closer and gets her out of her head. The conversation has moved in a completely unexpected direction without her.

“This might be out of my expertise, but I don’t think you can compare periods to getting shot.” Jongdae says, unbothered by the noise.

“Why? Blood is blood, no matter where it comes from” Baekhyun argues. “And I’ve heard scary stories about cramps” 

The steel door is slid open just enough for a tall man to come in, balancing piled up pizza boxes and complaining about someone needing to lube up the damn rail.

“This is the last time you use me as a delivery guy” he declares, dropping the boxes on the counter. He stops when he notices her. Stoic as ever, a face impossible to forget. “You look rough. Bet you wish you listened to my advice about not getting in the way of bullets.” 

She frowns, but then another figure walks in. He's holding two helmets, sliding the door shut with a nudge of his shoulder. He takes a look at her, evidently unimpressed.

“I heard you were begging to see me. How you managed to live all these years without me, now that’s an unresolved mystery, one of many.”

“I don’t know how I held up, honestly” she replies, voice flat. “Every day I woke up feeling like my life was missing something.”

“Poor thing.” He tsks, mockingly pouting at her, hanging both helmets on the wall. “But I heard you’ve had some interesting characters keeping you company, so at least you weren't lonely, right?”

The bitter undertone is unexpected.

“Rin,” Baekhyun calls, a smile on his face, and a sideways less friendly glare at Chanyeol. “You still like orange soda, right?”

They move like protocol, opening the boxes and taking drinks out of the fridge, Jongin walks out of the kitchen after losing a match of rock paper scissors to Jongdae.

Chanyeol stares at her like she's about to stab someone. The pizza looks too good for her to care.

“So, up to anything exciting?” 

“Not much. You?” 

“Oh, come on. Half of the city’s freelancers are searching for you as we speak. Those were some expensive mercenaries following you around.” 

“Makes you wonder how shitty the cheap ones must be.” she points out.

“You also looked too calm for someone who thought she had a gun pointed at her face.” he finishes, folding a piece of pizza in two and devouring half of it with one generous bite. "Definitely wasn't your first time."

“I didn’t think you had it in you.” she shrugs, taking a first bite. It's good. She has to close her eyes and sigh for a moment. “And it wasn’t my first time, he ruined my favorite jacket the other night, remember? Got my ear ringing for a few days.”

Sehun shrugs. "You got in the way."

“Right, how’d that happen anyway?” He points at his big ass ear. The left one. Eyeing hers like he didn’t get the point across. Her hair is covering the transmitter, but of course, they don't need to see it to know it's there.

She snorts, not amused at all. “Aren’t you too comfortable?”

Jongdae calls his name, something like a warning. Chanyeol drops the subject and focuses on getting his hands on a second slice, Sehun chuckles at the scene.

“You guys couldn’t wait for us?”

Jongin reappears, followed by a familiar face that feels like a punch to the chest.

His eyes scan the room, curious about the sudden silence. It ends when he notices her. There's a flicker there, but whatever he's really thinking is quickly guarded by a stoic expression.

“Why is she here?”

“She’s feeling fine,” Baekhyun shrugs. “I’d be dying to get out of bed after 15 hours of sleep too.”

Do Kyungsoo offers no answer, doesn’t even spare her or Baekhyun another glance. He washes his hands in silence, takes the spot next to Jongin, grabs a slice of pizza for himself and that's that. Her eyes stay on him, surprise slowly dissolving from her face.

And then Baekhyun claps, starling her.

“Shit, I almost forgot. Dessert first!”

It happens at once—a sloppy plan set in motion by Baekhyun’s insistence. Ignoring whatever he has in store, Jiah beats Chanyeol to the last slice of neapolitan while Jongdae helps Baekhyun look for something in their endless cabinets.

"The drawer by the coffee machine,” Kyungsoo mutters.

Someone must cover her eyes for this, Baekhyun insists. Jongin gives her a careful look waiting for her consent. She shrugs, pushing the last bit of crust past her greasy lips, and soon her eyes are engulfed in the warmth of his hands.

There’s the sound of hushing and Chanyeol’s poorly contained laugh, then a click.

“Ok, ready? Jongin, hands off. You can open them.”

She blinks away the flash of white and frowns at them before looking down.

Cake. 

Pink frosting and strawberries. It’s decorated in terrible piping work, topped with those colorful sprinkles that taste like nothing and several thin and tall candles scattered around.

There’s a message in red jelly, off-centered.

“Sorry you got shot on your–”

Whoever wrote it miscalculated the space they had available, so the word birthday has all the letters stuck together and get increasingly smaller.

Baekhyun’s satisfied grin stays put even when he ducks as a strawberry flies over him. Jongdae yelps dramatically when another hits his shoulder, his hyena laugh is interrupted by a long string of complaints.

Jongin warns her not to eat the frosting, because Baekhyun got excited with the food coloring and it tastes like medicine.

“Did you bake this?” she bites down on a strawberry. It's just a hint of sweet but perfectly juicy, it bursts in her mouth “It’s looks like a 4 year old decorated it.”

“Ok, It’s her." Baekhyun says. "Good job, team."

“Do you think I’m some kind of impostor?”

“You have a whole new name, we had to make sure.”

“Wait, so that was your birthday?” Sehun asks, shaking his head when Jondgae offers him a paper plate with a slice of cake. Only Chanyeol seems to be interested in trying it, taking his sweet time getting rid of the frosting.

The cake itself isn’t that bad. Just the usual vanilla cake mix flavor, a little dry but easy to eat.

“No, today is her birthday.” 

“Is it?” Jongin asks, scanning her face.

“Yeah. August 13th.” Baekhyun stops. “Wait, you didn’t–”

The question trails off when all she does is shove another piece of cake inside her mouth.

“I usually celebrate it in December.” 

Several weirded-out looks come her way. 

“Damn, that’s fucked up.” Sehun mumbles, and now he's getting looked at wrong. "What? I’m just saying, if I had two birthdays I’d celebrate both."

Jiah closes her eyes and blows on what's left of the candles. “That'd be hard to explain to other people, though. My friend Irene gets me flowers, but that’s about it."

Irene. Yeri. Taemin. How could she forget? They must be worried about her. Before she jumps down from the stool, once again Jongin answers a question before she gets to ask it.

"It's ok, I told Taemin we left together."

Jiah stares at him in disbelief. "No, it is not. He knows I don't leave parties with random dudes and--"

Jongdae makes a face. "Jongin's definitely not a random dude."

"He knows me too. He'll have fit, but he knows you're safe with me, trust me."

"But Yeri-"

"Fine. He dropped her off at her dorm."

"Where's my phone?" she asks Baekhyun.

"I'm afraid it didn't make it through the night, but--"

“Question,“ Chanyeol asks out of nowhere. "Why aren't you freaking out?"

"Excuse me?"

“Someone put a price on your head, and they’re being generous about it. But you're... worried that your friends won't believe you had a one night stand?”

“It's not my head they want.”

"Excuse me?"

Chanyeol’s lips part, a burst of surprised laughter escaping his mouth.

“Yeah. No, totally.” he frowns, nodding. “They put a hole through you just for funsies. They were just trying to start a tickle fight.”

“He could’ve easily taken me down in the bathroom, but he didn’t.” She gets different looks of disbelief.

Jongdae frowns. “You still got shot after that, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t just a warning.”

“Those were expensive mercenaries, right? If they wanted me dead, I would be.”

“And this, everyone, is why they tell kids not to do drugs,” Chanyeol gives the room a look, pointing his hand at her “She wasn’t this delusional before.”

“Shut up and eat your pizza, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo says, much to her surprise.

Baekhyun agrees. “Yeah, don’t be a dick.”

Sehun sucks his lips inside his mouth, subtly eyeing everyone.

Jiah shakes her head. “That's fine, I’m not exactly worried about convincing you.” 

“They want you dead.” Chanyeol enunciates slowly, like he’s talking to a foreigner “You were lucky we were there.”

“Probably, yeah.” She’s not gonna deny that. “I appreciate what you did."

He shakes his head at her like she’s fucking stupid.

“What? You want me to suck your dick or something?”

“Alright, this is fun.” Jongdae exhales loudly, moving away to get a glass of water, slapping Sehun’s back.

Chanyeol pushes his tongue against his cheek, nodding at her. “Right. What’s dying for you anyway, right? You’ll just pop right back up in another decade.”

Jongin doesn’t let Chanyeol’s jab sink, he turns to her in genuine curiosity. “Sorry, but can you explain where you're coming from?”

“You leaked those voicemails. Your name might not be on the story, but they know it was you.” Kyungsoo turns, stirring iced tea with a glass straw “You destroyed Lee Chungjae’s reputation right after his father announced his candidacy.”  

“Im Nayeon leaked those voicemails.” she corrects him, and no one notices, but Baekhyun smiles, a spark set in his eyes. “I only did what was necessary to get them to the public. Therefore, I’m the only connection to her.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re some– kind of medium?” 

“She’s saying Nayeon is alive,” Baekhyun says, leaning over the island and looking at her with excited eyes. “That’s what you’re saying, right?”

“Yes. How did you—?”

“A week after her death her name came up, just like yours.”

“Her name came up?”

Though Baekhyun’s smile stays intact, he visibly pales, and that’s when Jiah knows she just hit a spot.

The question has without a doubt and without her meaning to, landed somewhere. Jongdae and Chanyeol share a look. Only Sehun, Jongin, and Kyungsoo are doing a decent job of keeping their faces straight.

She just knows they’re gonna have a conversation about this later, once she’s gone.

“Why would someone put a mark on a girl who’s already dead?” They visibly relax at her answering her own question. Kyungsoo just barely squints at her. He knows better.

“Shouldn’t you know that? You’re the one claiming she somehow survived that fire” Chanyeol juts his chin at her.

If she had to put a name to the look on Baekhyun’s face, it’d be all work and no play.

“There’s something I think you’ll want to see”.

081422 - 02:58 am

“You know what’s weird?” Baekhyun mutters as she hands him a photograph.

Fresh out of the printer, the girl smiling in it is Yoo Jeongyeon. She was 23 the last time she was seen last year and attended the same university Nayeon did. The only string connecting the two is a few common friends on Facebook. 

Baekhyun tapes her picture next to the other seven photographs on the board. Like the rest of the room, the board’s made of glass, worn out and opaque by the constant use of tape on the surface, unlike the transparent, clean walls around them. 

The station is rather impressive, she had to just stand there when she first entered and stare at the computer station sprawled before her on the only brick wall at the back. 

A cluster of screens stands tall, commanded by a main, curved, and wide monitor, flanked by a couple more of them on each side. And just in case that’s not enough, an extra trio of monitors hangs above, suspended from the ceiling by sleek metallic arms that sell the illusion that they’re floating. All of them on cast a gentle light on the surrounding consoles, keyboard, touchpad, and devices she does not recognize, each meticulously organized and aligned for optimal efficiency.

Her curious eyes took it all in while Baekhyun scratched the back of his head and acted like it was just some humble setup. Honest work, he called it, still in progress. She still can’t figure out what else he can add, or how he can rearrange what’s an already pristine network of wires hidden at the back, and she’s too afraid to ask.

“None of Nayeon’s friends have posted anything about the investigation or the voicemails. That’s weird, isn’t it? If there was a possibility that your friend was murdered, you’d be outspoken about it, right? You’d want answers.”

“They could’ve been threatened” Jiah reminds him, staring up at the eight pictures on the board.

A line of girls stares back at them, all of them undergrad students, just like Nayeon. There’s a pattern in there, difficult financial situations, complicated and sometimes no familial affiliations or support network, and they’re all seriously attractive under current beauty standards.

Two of them are orphans. Two are foreign. The last one, Jeongyeon, makes an exception by keeping in touch with her mother until the time of her disappearance. Baekhyun started working on the list and gathering info with Yixing last year, and so far, every single case has turned cold. Not for a lack of investigating, she has their files, courtesy of Yixing, splayed around her.

“Still…” he mumbles, leaning his head to the side and reaching for his glass of iced coffee, looking startled when nothing but ice cubes hit his upper lip “If one of the girls at the salon were in that situation, you’d ask for the truth, threatened or not.”

Her stomach twists at the thought. She would not stop at asking for it, she’s confident that she’d turn the city upside down until she found them, but who’s doing that for these girls?

“It’s different. It’s my job.”

“Pretty sure you’ve gone past the limits of journalism.” Baekhyun tuts. “But you see it, right? There’s something here. I’m not being a conspiracy junkie.”

“I see it, yeah.”

“Have you tried talking to Nayeon’s friends?” 

“I don’t think we should be focusing on her friends like that, we might not even be focusing on these girls the way we should,” she says, rushing to explain when Baekhyun opens his mouth “Don’t get me wrong, there’s a pattern, but Nayeon was– she left a message and everything, and these girls are all…”

“Silent?” Baekhyun offers.

“Yes.” she sighs, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling. “They’re all silent, it can’t be a good sign.”

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” Baekhyun says, breaking her out of her trance. 

She frowns and snorts. “Did you just quote Wilde at me?”

“The Importance of Being Earnest” he smiles proudly. “Kind of out of context, but it’s true.”

She smiles at him, sighing and looking back at the board. “In my experience, most of the time the truth turns out to be boring and people end up disappointed. Everyone wants a conspiracy.”

“That’s true. But when it’s not boring–” He gives her a meaningful look, and she wonders if that’s what she looks like to other people.

“Yeah.” she agrees, he doesn’t need to finish that sentence for her to know what he means. “This doesn’t look boring at all”

“And it doesn’t look fun either, does it?” he sucks in a sharp breath. "Maybe they’re not silent, we’re just not listening the way we should.”

As it turns out, The station has no semblance of soundproofing. When someone comes in through the kitchen, they can hear the low hum of voices, the sound of keys being dropped and groans of relief as shoes are taken off at the entrance.

A few seconds later there’s a soft knock on the glass.

She doesn’t know what she expected, but it was certainly not Kim Junmyeon dressed in casual attire instead of a suit like the last time she saw him, fresh out of a syndicate debut. Now he looks more like an older brother checking on his little siblings. A dad even.

“Baekhyun, it’s 3 am. I know this is how you choose to live but she needs rest” his eyes look as tired as he sounds.

“Do you think she’s here against her will?” Baekhyun asks, offended.

He walks in, leaving the door open behind him. Jiah thinks she sees a shadow walk past through the living room, but it’s gone before she can notice anyone.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. Thanks for the help. I appreciate it.”

He nods. “It’s what we do”

“And for the lawyer, the other day. Yixing told me” she adds. And maybe it’s the meds kicking in, or the emotional exertion of the day and having to see so many old new faces, but fatigue is beginning to weigh down on her. 

“You did well,” Junmyeon says. “The girl needed help, he had it coming.”

He buries his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, pointing at the board with his chin. There’s a signature curious pout on his face. “What’s this about?”

“Don’t be nosy. We’ll explain in the morning” Baekhyun answers, fingers dancing all over his keyboard with speedy clicks. Junmyeon doesn’t look too convinced, letting out a loud sigh that makes her feel even more foreign in this place.

Do they all live here? Together? At their age? What about Minseok?

“Alright. There’ll be a lot of that in the morning.” he gives her a look she does not reciprocate. “I’m going to bed, you two should get some rest.”

He stops just as he’s about to walk out the door.

“We don’t have a guest room ready, since someone decided to use it as a storage room, so I hope you won’t mind taking Baekhyun’s bed”

“She’s getting the coziest room in this house, she doesn’t mind” Baekhyun speaks for her, standing up and leaning over her to start shutting down his monster of a station.

She catches a glimpse of Junmyeon's reflection on the dark screen that Baekhyun turns off first. He stands there for a moment, looking at them with a pensive expression before he turns around and closes the door behind him.

Some rest might be nice, she thinks, as Baekhyun starts talking her ear off again.

7:34 AM

A few hours later she’s closing his bedroom’s door behind her as quietly as she can.

The house is silent. No one can be bothered to be up so early on a Sunday, and she counts on that being the case until she figures out where her—

“Hey there. You looking for these?”

She can’t escape him, can she? A very sleepy and messy-haired Baekhyun has a hold of her boots and her bag, closing the door across from his room behind him. She gets a glimpse of someone’s sleeping form.

“I hid them, just in case you tried to sneak out,” he explains, rubbing his puffy eyes before stretching loudly. At this pace, he’s going to wake everyone.

“I need a shower” she winces at how loud her voice sounds “And I already stayed here for too long. Can I have them back?”

“Shower?“ he pretends to think over, nodding "We have plenty of those around here, I believe. Soap, towels, shampoo. You still take them at hell temperature?”

She blinks at him.

“Baekhyun.”

“Rina.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I! You can’t just leave on your own until we’re sure it’s safe for you out there, you’re not exactly in the condition to bite attackers either.”

“Am I a hostage?”

She doesn’t like the sweet little smile he gives her. “You’re a guest.”

“But you’re telling me I can’t leave.”

“We can negotiate after breakfast. Come on, I’m giving you a tour of my favorite spot.”

Thirty minutes later she’s waiting for him to pay for a ridiculous amount of overpriced breakfast sandwiches with different fillings. The cashier, a lanky guy with a bored expression on his face and ginormous red headphones swallowing up his ears puts everything inside a bag. 

Baekhyun sends a cheeky smile in her direction, making sure she’s still standing by the end of the counter, shifting uncomfortably in a huge pair of slippers. The lack of socks makes the experience even worse.

“That’s a lot of food,” she points out.

“We’re feeding ten adults, I promise you it’s never too much of anything in our house” he answers, starting the engine.

“Ten adults?”

“I texted Yixing. It’s been a while since we all had a meal together. I don't remember the last time we used the dining table.”

She sighs, leaning her head against the passenger window and trying to find any familiar street.

“Slept well?”

“I’m very uncomfortable with this and I don’t appreciate you withholding my things”

“Oh-kay, someone’s grumpy in the morning.” he chuckles, leaning over the steering wheel as he takes a turn. “Consider this your punishment for trying to leave without saying goodbye. You got a deadbeat father complex or something?”

She glares at him, half-heartedly. 

“Come on, it’s just breakfast with the boys. Best meal of the day, with the boys.”

“It’s not just breakfast, you know that” she mutters, closing her eyes to rest them for a second. 

“Hey, it’s just us,” He surprises her by finding her wrist resting on the seat. His fingers curl around it, giving it a light tug, like a kid trying to get a grown-up’s attention “No one will jump you or anything. I know things are awkward, but they won’t have to be once we all talk and catch up, yeah?”

The red light goes green after what feels like an eternity. It takes him a second to notice, and he’s back to quietly driving them across the street, still not letting go of her wrist. 

“You trust me, right?” he asks suddenly, giving her a glance.

“Seriously, out of nowhere?”

He doesn’t laugh, only turns to look at her with a serious look on his usually relaxed features. “Cause I trust you, Rin. I hope you know that.”

The fuck? 

“Ok? Thanks–” 

“I mean, I don’t know what you’ve been up to, obviously, or what– you know? Happened, but I know I trust you.” he nods firmly, fixing his throat and suddenly avoiding her eyes. "Whatever happened, it doesn't matter to me. I'm just happy to see you again."

She feels the sudden need to get out of the car, but her shoulder would probably combust, so she gives him the softest of nods. The feeling that it's a mediocre reply lingers.

Eventually, he lets go of her wrist.

About half an hour later, she's watching Jongdae fix a generous batch of coffee while singing his heart out to an OST only someone over 30 could recognize. He was the first to wake up, walked into the kitchen, took a look at her and immediately scolded Baekhyun for not getting her slippers closer to her size. 

They belong to Chanyeol and he thinks it’s just hilarious that she walks like a duck in them.

They all come down one by one in different states of sleepiness. All Jiah can think is that life has taken a seriously strange turn, and there’s not much she can do about it other than hold on to a cup of coffee and watch in silence, hair still wet.

“How are you feeling?” Junmyeon asks once again, taking some multivitamins and eyeing a plate of fruit that Sehun tries to keep safe from Chanyeol’s prying hands, asking him for the third time if he washed his hands.

He looks like Jongdae had to drag him out of bed, bed sheet imprints leaving red lines on his left cheek, swollen eyes and messy hair. There’s even dry drool on his chin. She wants to point it out, but they're not comfortable like that with each other.

He eyes the third spoonful of sugar she drops on her coffee but keeps any comment to himself.

“We can ask Dr. Jangmi for something stronger if you need it, just let me know.”

“Alright, thanks. I appreciate that,” she says for what feels like the 20th time in the past 24 hours.

Thanks. I appreciate that. This is weird as fuck though, can we not do this?

“Huh? What's this? What’s going on here?”

There is a soft giggle at the end of Yixing’s question. He's taking his shoes off, stumbling a bit, not closing the door behind him, holding a coffee cup carrier.

“Breakfast.” Jondgae says, and Jiah suspects he made a face. Whatever that means.

“Hey,” he makes his around the island and engulfs her in a careful hug. He's warm to the touch from being outside. “How are you feeling?”

"I’m ok.” she smiles, not being able to help her lips from pouting. “My shoulder’s kind of fucked, though.”

He frowns, shakes his head slowly, hands moving up and down her good arm, leaning down to press his lips to her temple. "I know. I'm sorry. But the more rest you get, the faster you'll feel better again, so don't rush yourself."

She nods, letting her weight rest on him for just a bit, eyes fluttering open when white cotton and a head of thick black hair passes by, startling her.

Kim Minseok is putting two extra carriers next to the one Yixing left on the island top. The door is now closed, but she never heard him come in. And now he's handing people coffee.

Chanyeol thanks him a thousand times. It seems like Jongdae's coffee making skills are controversial, he nags at them about being ungrateful, but walks over to get his cup anyway.

"Oh, that's–"

Jongdae's extended hand stops abruptly at Yixing's interruption. The cup Minseok was just about to give him is now being held by both of them.

"Dirty chai. That's Rina's." he explains.

Jiah, unsure about how to proceed, stares at the cup in front of her face, neither releasing it. Jongdae drops his hand, eyes shifting between them.

Yixing blinks curiously at Minseok, whose face she's avoiding to turn to look at.

Sehun leans over and grabs a cup of his own with his ridiculously long arms.

"Are you guys gonna give it to her, or–"

HIs comment wraps it up. Yixing gives her the cup, smiling down at her and paying no mind to the tilt of Jongdae’s eyebrow or Junmyeon's side eye.

“Oh, before I forget. I told Haneul you're taking a break. He sounded worried, maybe you should give him a call?” 

Right. Haneul. She’s been so distracted that she forgot about him as well. Yixing offers her his phone, but Baekhyun cuts him off and tells her to focus on breakfast while it's still warm.

Kyungsoo is the last one to take a seat at the table, lazily scrolling through his phone. There’s a pair of thick-framed glasses perched on top of his nose. He sighs at Baekhyun’s loud moan when he takes the first bite.

“Just as good as I remembered.”

The table is filled with the sound of eating and the low hum of someone's lofi playlist playing from the speakers. The moment lingers just long enough to become awkward.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I love uncomfortable silences during breakfast, I heard they’re good for digestion,”

Junmyeon stops mid-bite and gives Sehun a look.

“What? I mean she’s here now, can’t you just catch up? Ask her what happened on the third day?”

“Ok, Sehun. Just finish your sandwich.” 

He rolls his eyes, pointedly taking a big bite.

“Didn’t you have something to show us?” Jongin asks helpfully. Jiah has noticed that him and Sehun stick to each other, despite being on opposite ends of several traits.

“Glad you asked,” Baekhyun claps his hands, standing up as he licks his fingers having successfully devoured his sandwich. He disappears for a bit and comes back wheeling the glass board behind him.

Yixing turns to the side in his seat, pointing at one of the pictures. 

“There’s another girl?”

“Yep,” Baekhyun beams, the excited smile on his face melting immediately. He fixes his throat. “Long story short, these girls all are missing, they’re also all students, and they could be connected to Nayeon’s disappearance. We’re thinking they might help us find her.”

“Did you just say find her?”

“I did,” Baekhyun points his finger at Junmyeon, happy that he caught that “Nayeon is alive.”

Other than Sehun noisily blowing on his drink, the silence is heavy with skepticism. 

“We’re keeping a positive mindset here. There is a big, big chance she didn’t die in that fire. The body they found at her apartment was declared burned beyond recognition, and Nayeon didn’t have recent dental work done on her, so they couldn't even look for a match. And before you accuse me of being delusional, Rina came to the same conclusion all on her own.”

“Is this true?”

Jiah nods at Junmyeon. “She sent her brother the recordings through a shipping company days before the fire and scheduled the delivery. He got the package in the mail exactly two weeks after the fire.”

“So she knew she was in danger.”

“Creative.” Chanyeol mutters, impressed “She found a way to let her brother know without putting him in direct danger.”

“And then he tried to end Lee Chungjae himself.” Sehun adds.

“If she went through that effort, she would’ve tried to hide, right? It was only a theory, but Lee Chungjae probably has a reason to believe this as well, and he doesn’t want any loose ends.”

Junmyeon’s face is unreadable. 

“And well,” she points at her shoulder. “I think that night proved my theory.”

Yixing leans back on his chair, crossing his arms. It’s followed by a dry chuckle at the other side of the table.

“Can we just tell her?”

"Baekhyun tries to interrupt, but Chanyeol has a point to make.

"Nah, let her know, or she’ll go out there and successfully get herself killed this time just because she thinks she has backup.”

Jongdae tries as well, not without giving her a careful sideways glance that she doesn’t return, staring back at Chanyeol with just a slight narrowing of her eyes. Her lack of reaction so far has made his demeanor get a little more vicious.

“Let’s not–”

“How do you think they knew it was you, even with your editor protecting you?” Chanyeol finally asks “Your protector snitched on you, didn’t think twice before selling you out to Lee Chungjae’s team. He’s putting good money on his dad's campaign, did you not know?”

“Protector?” she blurts out, neither a question nor an affirmation. “Are you- wait, you mean Namjoon?” 

She snorts.

“I mean, yes? He knew about the investigation. I let him know before it came out.”

“You’re full so of shit. It's just sad.” Chanyeol shakes his head slowly.

“Like I said before, I’m not worried about convincing you.”

“Why?” he dares.

She can't judge him for being so remarkably slow. He doesn’t trust her, he’s probably terrified of whatever he thinks she represents. Yixing didn't lie about people being wary of her.

It’s disappointing to see him handle what he thinks is a threat so poorly, but then again he always was a heart-on-his-sleeve kind of guy. 

Others keep their silence and listen. Kyungsoo, even Junmyeon. Minseok's glare is impossible to ignore.

“Because sometimes being underestimated can work in your favor.” she speaks slowly like it’s a child across from her and not a man two years her senior.

The tension spikes. All these resources, a wide range of skills, a seat at the syndicate, and just a few harmless words make their mood drop.

Junmyeon leans in. “So what I'm hearing is that you put yourself at risk just to... prove a theory.”

“Of course not,” she wonders if he paid attention at all to what she said. “I hoped they’d come expecting to find Nayeon through me, so I set up a lead. It’s not about if they take it but who does. Chungjae's not doing this alone.”

“And did it work? The bait?“ Jongin sounds hopeful.

"I’m hoping it did.”

“You’re hoping it did?” Junmyeon repeats. “It’s been 48 hours, what if they realized you’re bluffing and decided you’re not useful anymore?”

“I’ve got it handled.”

“You never mentioned any of this” Baekhyun says, breaking his silence.

He has a look of disappointment on his face she wants to get rid of, and then she remembers that pale grin he gave her yesterday, like he was about to break into a cold sweat.

“I’ll let you know what I find.” 

There's something happening right in front of her eyes. As much as she wishes she could trust Yixing, his explanation about them being wary about her association with Namjoon doesn't cut it.

Her eyes find Minseok's and she hopes he's better than Baekhyun at subtlety. If getting himself a seat at the table is any indication, chances are he is.

Something indeed, and she's nearly convinced that it goes against the deal he signed a few days ago.

But that's not it, isn't it? There's more to it.

He lifts his chin, just barely, it feels too much like a silent warning. It has the opposite effect he wants. The dirty chai kicks in at once.

“Frankly, I don’t think you’re in the state to be handling anything right now.” Junmyeon’s amused little chuckle kills her momentum.

“I agree,” Yixing says, much to her disappointment “Even if you’re right, it doesn’t mean you're in any less danger.”

“I know how to take care of myself."

“Do I need to remind you that just almost bled out on the way to the hospital? This is obviously getting out of your hands. I won’t have your picture next to those girls'.”

Junmyeon points at the board. He's wearing a ring on his index finger. She's surprised it fits. Maybe he had it resized.

“You can leave it to us this time, we’ll handle it.”

“I appreciate the concern, but it's not your decision to make.”

"Question," Baekhyun says, a surprisingly serious look on his face. "Would it be so bad to let us help?"

“That's not the point. I promised Im Haneul I’d see this through.”

“Wouldn't be the first time you let someone down. He'll survive.” Chanyeol coldly replies.

Her blood starts to boil. They're cornering her, and her patience has a limit.

“Alright, I don’t know what your problem is, but let’s get it over with."

A deep voice has heads turning to the right. “You know what his problem is. Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t suit you.” 

If Chanyeol’s voice was venomous, Kyungsoo’s tone feels like battery acid.

Chanyeol wastes no time. “Only a handful of people survived Hwacheon's fire, how did you make it out?”

“You shouldn’t believe official records, the prison system in this country is a joke.”

“So no complex escape plan? I was expecting some prison break shit from you.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

He shakes a finger at her.

“I heard rumors, you know? About this girl that worked for Kim Namjoon. No one knew where she came from, not even back in their hometown. They said she was a witch, could sniff out a traitor from a mile away,”

Jiah has to give it to him, he sure knows how to set the mood with the storytelling.

“And then one day, she disappeared without a trace. People said he killed her after she tried to turn on them, others said someone in their circle knocked her up and he sent her away. Whatever happened, she vanished.”

“A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an airbender named Aang." Sehun says, arm coming to rest around Jongin's shoulders. He pretends not to hear him.

“I don't know what you want me to say."

“Was it him, Hwacheon’s fire? Is that how you got out?”

To her utter disbelief, he's being serious. All she can do is open her mouth and close it, look around to see if anyone else understands how stupid that is.

Kyungsoo shrugs. “You’re not denying it.” 

“No, Kyungsoo. Kim Namjoon didn’t blow up a federal facility to help me escape. I can’t believe I have to explain this to you. I didn’t even know them back then.”

“Hwacheon is just ten miles away from Songju, isn't it? Right where Namjoon’s operation started. That was you. November 10th, the prosecutor's kids, the clean up, the start of the syndicate. You were there.”

"I was." she says without hesitation, still not understanding what's the big deal.

"Why?"

"Because they helped me out. And I because wanted to."

“Well, since we all know he cashes in all his favors, I guess the big, scary question here is what did you have to do to pay off your debt after they helped you out? Was it witchery, or was it-” 

“Ok,” Junmyeon interferes, putting one hand on the table. “You’re crossing the line.”

“Don’t worry, he’s not even close.” she says with a light tone, but the slight curl of her lips betrays the cutting edge behind her words.

"I just hope that if you got knocked up, you had the sense to get rid of it. Otherwise, you're an asshole for putting yourself in danger when you have a kid somewhere."

“Wow. When did he become this fucking pathetic?” she asks, genuinely curious, but they're all either too uncomfortable or embarrassed to grace her with an answer.

“Ok, I’ll translate for him.” Sehun chimes in, leaning forward with a serious expression on his face. Jongin closes his eyes and expects the worst. “What he's trying to ask is, did you engage in premarital sex with Kim Namjoon and/or any of his associates?”

Yixing drops his head. Jongin looks kind of mortified but kind of amused at Chanyeol's immediate response, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“That is not what I’m asking.”

“No? So you’re worried about my hypothetical kid now?”

“Ok. Chanyeol, drop it. Let’s get back on track.”

But she likes this track. She doesn't see the point in dropping it yet.

"If you’re taking the misogynistic route, at least do it right. Don’t be a half-assed piece of shit, it’s pitiful.”

“Rina.”

“I’m not finished, Suho.”

A quick oop follows.

"I get it. I know what this is about. I see you. You're still dealing with your abandonment issues, but that’s not on me."

Chanyeol's face drops.

She carries on, no remorse. "What? You think you're special because your daddy wasn't around to play ball? Give me a break."

“Jesus. Ice fucking cold.”

A sharp grating sound. He forcefully shoves his chair back.

“Hey, hey–”

“Park Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol stands up at full height and others follow. Jongdae tries to talk some sense into him. Yixing doesn’t hesitate to do the same when she mirrors Chanyeol's stance, arm extended in front of her, shaking his head.

Sehun seems to be out of little quips. Like him, Minseok remains seated, looking at the scene from the end of the table.

Poor Jongdae, he's still trying. “Sit down, man. C'mon.”

But Chanyeol's not listening, his jaw is locked in, teeth gritted together. Finger pointed at her, spit spraying in the air.

”You let us all think you were dead.“ 

"I had my reasons.” 

She’s trying her best to not lose it against his stupid loud voice that takes up the room. Her head, her shoulder, her back, they all hurt. She should’ve left the moment she woke up, barefoot.

Chanyeol throws his arms in the air, growling.

“Your reasons? To let everyone mourn you for what? A decade. What the fuck is that about? Who does that?”

“I'm sorry, what’s the acceptable protocol for you? Enlighten me.”

“Dude, you’re seriously not asking that.” he winces, like he'd rather not look at her. “Kim Namjoon, seriously? That was your only option? You. Everything you tried to preach to us. Looking down at us, talking about better ways and shit, like you were some kind of paragon of virtue."

“Ah, fuck off. Seriously, fuck off." she repeats with closed eyes, an exhausted mantra. "Don’t selectively bring shit from the past into this."

"Was that just to make yourself feel a little less bad about, huh? About getting Yuan killed because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut?”

It feels like the air was sucked out of the room. No one was ready for that, perhaps not even Chanyeol. For a fleeting second he looks like he caught himself off guard.

Jiah lets out a shaky, hoarse little laugh, mumbling to herself. "You don't know shit. Not even now."

"You know you can repeat that all you want but that's still the truth."

“You wanna talk about the truth? The only reason I was there that night was to warn you, but you treated me like I was out of my mind. Everything I tried to tell you would happen, happened. That's the truth,"

Silence, she's not done yet.

"And then you got in that stupid car and sped down the fucking street,"

Not even near.

"You didn’t look back. You had the chance to leave it all behind and move on with your life while mine wasted in jail. But now you wanna act like I owe you an explanation?”

There's no way they remember that night as vividly as she does. Every tiny detail, the smell of shitty sewage water against her face, the weight of some asshole’s knee on her back pinning her to the street, the overlapping of people yelling in panic. Red and blue lights blinding her. Blasting sirens.

“I don't blame you. I fucked up time and time again and it’s not like you could’ve done anything to get me out of it.” she admits. 

“That’s right. You fucked up and we fucked up. So you decided that was it? You couldn't reach out for help or at least contact us? Did you not think of the consequences of letting people believe you were dead?”

She can’t help the bitter smile, half of her wanting to ask Chanyeol what he knows about consequences, but he’d mistake that for her wanting to hear an answer. Ten years later it’s not something that interests her.

"Pretty much, yeah,” she replies shamelessly, after a moment of consideration.

“That easy, huh?”

“Honestly, I was miserable back then. I was a kid, I only had you, I thought I could fix it, but everything kept getting worse.” she says, and the dam has not cracked yet, but it might. Any second now. “So yeah, after the fire, when I realized I had the choice to start over, I took it. That part? That was easy, yes.”

Chanyeol blinks at her, like he's not sure he's looking at someone.

“I was very careful. Don't think this situation here happened because of me being sloppy. I never planned to see any of you again, and I was at peace with that.” 

She wants to carry on but her throat feels raw, and Chanyeol’s breathing through his mouth. A couple of fat, anime-like tears spill down his cheek.

The dust has settled and it's clear that the room has shifted. Yixing was just sitting right next and now there’s some distance between them, like she’s exuding toxic fumes. Baekhyun looks like a kid with glassy eyes and a red nose. It’s too late to take back, it’s all out of her chest, too heavy to cage it back up.

“I do have a question though, why are you wearing my rings?”

Kyungsoo stands up, walking past her and stopping just to throw something on the table. The metallic rattle is enough to let her know what it is.

“They meant something,” he replies, chillingly calm. “Back when we thought you were dead.”

“But now that I think about it, I don’t think you made it out of the fire.”

[galoresficrecs]

[EXO] Jongdae

LAST UPDATED ON: Dec 2nd, 2022

newly added ✦ || personal faves ✪ || ongoing ✑

ratings:

not rated || general || teen and up || mature || explicit🔞

❧ NOT HERE SHIPS ☙

jongdae x baekhyun x kyungsoo

jongdae x baekhyun x minseok

jongdae x chanyeol x minseok

❧ jongdae x minseok ☙

✪ A Tiger's Honor, a Magpie's Duty by XiuChen4Ever [50,5k words] pseudo-historical!au, royalty!au, arraanged marriage || explicit🔞

✪ As the Moon Loves the Sun by unnieunnie [72,6k words | 41 ch] gangsters!au, café!au || mature

✪ Chasing the Sun by XiuChen4Ever [14,5k words] post-apocalypse!au, sci-fi, korean mythology || explicit🔞

✪ Crocus Pocus by XiuChen4Ever [26,9k words] fantasy, magic!au || teen and up

✪ Fill the Long Night with Words by unnieunnie [4,2k words] poet!au || mature

✪ Ghost of a Chance by XiuChen4Ever [30,6k words] hybrids!au, enemies to lovers, ghosts, murder mystery || mature

✪ Have Your Steak (And Eat It Too) by XiuChen4Ever [82,3k words | 11 ch] hybrids!au || explicit🔞

✪ Hedge Over Heels by XiuChen4Ever [2,9k words] hybrids!au, neighbours!au || explicit🔞

✪ Hoping Fur the Best by unnieunnie [13,9k words] shifters!au, park ranger!au || explicit🔞

✪ I'm Gonna Thrill You Tonight by XiuChen4Ever [5,4k words] magic!au, necromancy!au || explicit🔞

✪ Just Kiss? by zhyixingie [4,4k words] historical!au, age gap, tutor/student || mature

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✪ Of Witches, Mixtapes and Memory by unnieunnie [19,2k words] college!au, 1990s!au, slow burn, unreliable narrator || mature

✪ Song of the Stars by XiuChen4Ever [112,3k words | 9 ch] magic!au, fantasy, fictional religion & theology, angst with a happy ending || explicit🔞

✪ Steal Away by XiuChen4Ever [24k words] TW: suicidal thoughts/permanent injury ;; hybrids!au, enemies to lovers || explicit🔞

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✪ Virgin SacrifICE by XiuChen4Ever [40,4k words] fantasy, dragons || explicit🔞

✪ We Must Wake Up Again by unnieunnie & XiuChen4Ever [2,2k words | 2 ch] afterlife!au || general

✪ You don't have to melt my heart to win it by unnieunnie [18k words] fantasy, magic-users, dragons || explicit🔞

❧ jongdae x reader ☙

[part of Welcome to the Exodus Mall] Reboot by yehet-me-up [26,9k words] f!reader, 1990s!au, mall!au, set in seattle, co-workers to lovers || teen and up

[part of The Cartel] The Money by kpopfanfictrash [8,1k words] 1970s!au, set in florida, crimes & criminals!au || explicit🔞

❧ otn/multi ☙

✪ Just watch, it's like magic by Lolistar92 [33,3k words] jongdae x junmyeon x minseok || urban fantasy, mama powers, prince!junmyeon || explicit🔞

[marshmallow-phd]

Genre: Regency Gothic AU

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: A stormy night brought you to the manor in the middle of the woods. Nine strange men occupied its halls. They won't let you leave. A dangerous secret haunts this estate. Learning it might either be your saving grace or it could lead to the last breath you ever take.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5

**

Lightning lit up the thin curtains covering the two small windows on either side of the carriage. Thunder rumbled and you felt it deep within your chest. Tugging your silk cloak closer, you closed your eyes and prayed that the driver would get you through the storm. There was no one to comfort you, to reassure you that a little rain and noisy sky wouldn't delay your journey.

Your father had insisted you take your sister or even a friend, but the two day’s journey didn’t  seem consequential enough to need a companion. Besides, what would they have done once you arrived? Your elderly aunt had only asked for you. From what you could decipher from her letter, she needed you to be a companion as she traveled to the southernmost coastal town. Apparently, it was now the ultimate fashion to travel to for the summer. Just the idea of rolling waves made your stomach churn. But what was worse was who else would be there–

The carriage jolted to the right. You spread out your arms, only barely catching yourself from falling to the floor. No sane person would have endured such dangerous weather. This storm had come from nowhere. Skies blue and cloudless as you had ever seen bid you farewell in the late morning. Most of the day's journey had been uneventful. Then the joyful light faded. Thunder shook the walls of the carriage. Rain pounded on the roof. When would you reach the inn? Bile rose up in your throat, burning the sensitive tissue as the carriage continued to rock violently. The horses neighed over the sounds of the storm. 

The carriage shifted hard to the left. And kept falling. You slammed into the door, nearly opening it with the force. You didn't know what was happening. The floor was now the wall and the wall the floor. A downward momentum made it impossible to stand. Screams ripped at your throat.

Then it stopped. 

The rain continued to pour and the thunder roared on but the carriage was still. Your legs wobbled as you slowly stood. With your palms, you pushed open the door. The thin wooden panel clapped against the outside of the carriage. Immediately you were pounded by the storm. Large drops pelted your face, obscuring your vision. It was dark. You could tell that much. And there were trees. In every direction. 

You climbed out of the carriage, calling for the driver. Your feet slipped in the mud, but you managed to keep your balance–for now. The mud was thick and sticky as you trudged to the front of the carriage.

 No. No, no, no. Both of the horses were gone. And so was the driver. Somehow, the carriage had fallen down a hill or ravine. With a storm this terrible, you needed to get to higher ground or risk possibly being carried away–or drowning. Clawing and digging your hands and feet into the soaked dirt, you climbed the hard incline back to the road. 

Once you could make out the road, you called for the driver again. No answer. He was nowhere to be found. You needed to find shelter. The storm gave no promise of letting up. You wouldn't survive the night in this forest, even if you went back into the carriage. The only choice was to find sanctuary. You stared in the direction you believed you came from. Nothing but trees and darkness. You turned to the other choice. All the same–wait. 

There was something... when lightning brightened up the sky. Your heart began banging in your ears. Spires, towers. Not trees. It was some distance away, but it was shelter nonetheless. 

With near tears in your eyes, you picked up your skirts–your fingers numb from the cold–and hurried towards the castle that could be your saving grace. 

*****

The manor was calm tonight. Odd, considering the amount of bodies roaming around these haunted halls. Only the beautiful storm outside and Chanyeol's sorrowful melody from the piano broke the silence. Jongin had draped himself over one of the arm chairs as he inspected the wine mixture within his goblet. The taste was… adequate. The cellar would need replenishing soon.

In the corner, a rather lax game of cards covered the small, round table. Minseok smirked at his winning hand. The faded wooden chips with bits of white painted around the edges were piling up in front of Yixing, who leaned back carelessly, sure of his next win. Little did either of them know that the youngest among them had a little... trick his sleeve. As the quickest, Sehun had perfected sleight of hand long ago. None had caught him yet.

A fire roared, coaling the usually gray and brown room in flickering orange. With how close he stood near the fireplace, Kyungsoo's silhouette was visible through his loose shirt. He leaned his palms on the mantel and let the warmth of the flames engulf him. Warmth was all they could feel after all these years. It could be an addiction so strong it was tempting to throw himself into the fire. 

Junmyeon joined him at the fireplace, leaning his shoulders against the brick. The bite of the edge hardly registered in his mind. Pain of that measure... it was only a ghost that had nearly crossed over. 

“Such strong thoughts for a night like this.”

Kyungsoo didn’t look from the fire, but raised a questioning eyebrow in response. 

Junmyeon shrugged a single shoulder. “I can’t read minds, but it's obvious you're turning something over more times than a praying rock.”

“It's the same thoughts,” Kyungsoo murmured in his strange, monotone voice. “Always the same thoughts.”

“One day you will have to let it go,” Junmyeon sighed. “This is our existence now. And forever will be.”

“Acceptance of the present doesn’t erase the past.”

“But it does make the present more enjoyable.” The red liquid sloshed against the rim of the goblet as Jongin draped an arm over Kyungsoo’s shoulders. He wore a mischievous smile. A clear indicator of his true intention. 

Junmyeon shook his head. “We’re not going out tonight. There’s nothing out and about in this storm.” Hunting in these conditions would wield no trophies. Tomorrow would be a better night. 

“Jun’s no fun tonight,” Jongdae teased as he and Baekhyun emerged from the hallway. 

“If you want to go out in this mess,” Junmyeon waved towards the front door. “Be my guest. Just don’t you dare get mud on the rug–”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Help! Please! Help!”

Nine pairs of eyes snapped to the echoing sound. None moved. 

Bang! Bang! 

BANG!

One of the double doors burst open and a figure fell to the floor, landing on its knees and palms. It looked up. A flash of lightning illuminated the face.

The face of a beautiful young girl. 

*****

Your knees vibrated when they hit the wooden floor. Water fell from your loose hair that clung to your cheeks. The chances of  the door opening when you pushed on the handle had been low–yet the barrier that kept you victim to the storm fell open and you crashed downward with it. 

Greeting you in this strange hall were several men, their jaws hanging open in a mirror of your own surprise. More men appeared from a side parlor, curious as to who dared intrude on their evening. One, two, three–you counted nine total. Nine men. This was not ideal–a bit terrifying, really–but you didn't have a choice. The storm raged outside.

"P-please," you stammered past chattering teeth "The st-storm overturn-overturned the carriage.” 

The men stayed silent as they exchanged unreadable glances. One raised a questionable brow. 

"Jongdae, go run a bath," ordered the man closest to you. One of the shorter residents nodded and disappeared into the darkness that led into the rest of the manor. 

That's what this place was. A grand old manor, not a castle. Isolated. When you'd first run through the rusted iron gate, you'd feared it abandoned. A long dormant instinct whispered that you might have been better off if it had been. 

The first man approached, each motion slow, deliberate, and hauntingly graceful. He crouched down in front of you and captured your frightened stare. The fear in you began to melt away. He was… beautiful. Obsidian fell over his forehead in gentle waves. His tunic was of a fashion your grandfather would have worn. There was something strange about this man–all of these men. Something... different. 

"Let's get you warmed up." He held his hand out and you were up on your feet before you even realized your fingers were resting on his. "Don't worry," he murmured. "You're safe here. My name is Junmyeon." 

You nodded, somehow believing him, but unsure if you should. Through your violent chattering, you managed to stammer out your name in response. 

Bang! 

You jumped at the sudden noise. One of the other men had somehow appeared behind you to shut the door you'd fallen through. 

"Thank you, Yixing," the man beside you said. The one named Yixing nodded and then shifted his eyes to you. “Come.” A hand pressed into the space between your shoulder blades and guided you down the hall, leaving a trail of mud in your wake.

The man led you down several halls until you reached an unoccupied bedroom. Red blankets draped the oversized bed. Matching curtains hung limply from the canopy. All of the wood was a dark sort, rich in color but not quite welcoming like other, brighter woods. 

Jongdae emerged from another door on the other side of the bedroom. Steam rolled out after him as if it were following him for its next set of orders. “Anything else?” he asked drily. 

“No, thank you.”

Jongdae strolled the from the room without a glance either of you and closed the door behind him. Your breath hitched in your throat. The two of you were… alone. It wasn’t appropriate. It was…

You looked to the man still with you, fear causing your heart to pound painful against your chest. You tugged your cloak closer to you, but it was soaked from the rain. Shivers violently raced down your arms and spine. The man didn’t seem to notice as he walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. He pulled out a long white cloth. 

“These should suffice for tonight.” He held up the cloth for you to see. A nightgown. An old one by the cut of it, though thankfully it hadn’t been devoured by moths or mice. “If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.”

You nodded. “Thank you.” 

He visibly suppressed a laugh at your small voice and waved you into the adjoining bathroom. Taking the nightgown, you tried your best to avoid his gaze. You scurried inside and shut the door. 

*****

Junmyeon smirked at your mousy state. It was understandable why you were so frightened. The women of this period were warned of being alone with a man. And now you were alone with nine. 

Nine very dangerous men. 

The proper action for him to take was to leave your room now that you were safe inside the bathroom, but his feet didn’t move. Somehow, the storm had stranded you in their forest. What had happened to the driver, he wondered. Surely a gentlewoman such as yourself was not controlling the carriage. And yet, you were all alone. Circumstances were… ideal.

A small hiss echoed in the bathroom. It stretched out, along with the sound of sloshing water. Junmyeon frowned. 

Hm.

He stood there for a few minutes more, listening to you sigh as your skin grew used to the scalding water. The sound of soap scraping against skin reached his ears, followed by more sloshing water. Soon, you would be getting out of the tub. Time to leave. 

He emerged from the bedroom, careful to close the door as quietly as possible. Everyone had gathered out in the hallway since they were too curious about their visitor to go about their night. Junmyeon found Jongdae blending in with the cluster. He glared at him as he hissed, "The water was too hot." 

Jongdae merely shrugged. Why would he care about water possibly being too hot? It would never hurt him. 

On the opposite end of the group, Yixing cleared his throat. "What are we going to do with her?"

Junmyeon glanced at the door behind him. There was only one best option, for all their sakes. "Tomorrow morning, we will send her on her way." 

The eruption was instant. 

“Enough!”

In an instant, the hissing ceased. 

Baekhyun huffed and folded his arms against his chest, collapsing against the wall. Jongin scoffed. "Such a waste." 

“A waste that will keep this household from tearing itself apart,” Junmyeoun countered. It was an outcome none of them wanted. No one wanted to cause a fight, but resisting was difficult. The temptation was great. The quicker you left, the better off they would all be. 

"Do you really think it’ll end so well?" Minseok’s mocking comment hung in the air. Silent agreements rippled through the air. 

Junmyeon looked to Kyungsoo, whose answer was to look away. "No one touches her," he ordered. They all would try, he knew. But their strength would only get them so far. He stared down a few of them especially, so they knew he meant it.

Sehun pushed off the wall with a roll of his eyes. "Just get her out of here so I can get some peace." 

Junmyeon started to call after him but was interrupted by a soft thud from the room behind him. Confused, he opened the door to find you lying on the floor.

[proudahgase-exol]

Exo reacting to the boys telling him he’s whipped for you

Minseok:

He was at home and had Jongdae and Baekhyun over he was doing the laundry when Baekhyun noticed some of your clothes so he took the opportunity to tease his hyung

“Hey that y/n clothes did she make you do her laundry now,” baekhyun said teasing

“Umm yes I’m doing my laundry and I saw she left some of her dirty clothes here from the last time she stayed over so I’m cleaning it” Minseok replied unbothered

“What else does she get you doing for her? Do you buy her pads too?” Baek asked again laughing now jongdae laughing as well

“Yes I have gone to get her some of her pads why is that funny Jongdae I know you have done the same or worse,” Minseok said rolling his eyes and smiling

“Eww I will never do that it will be so embarrassing,” Baek said making gagging noises

“I will be the one laughing when it’s you that does that,” Minseok said as he walked up to the laundry room.

Miseok didn’t mind doing your laundry because he knew you did him as well, he was just being the sweet boyfriend he is and didn’t care if his members made fun of him.

Junmyeon:

He was in London with the boys for a concert and they had a few days off so they went to explore when they got to a jewelry store junmyeon saw some earrings that thought would look good on you so he went and purchased them.

“You buying her more stuff? First, it was the keychain then the red dress now earrings. She got you whipped” Baekhyun said as he stood next to his leader

“I just the she will look good with them they go perfectly with her dress,” Junmyeon said smiling

“Yeah are you her sugar daddy too you have spent so much money on her,” Baekhyun said smiling

“She deserves everything and I want to give her a little gift anyway,” Junmyeon said as he gave the guy his credit card

“I wash it was her to have you spending money on me… she has you wrapped around her fingers,” Baekhyun said walking away

Who can blame the guy who loves to spoil you he might be whipped and he’s okay with it.

Yixing:

Lay loved sharing his stuff with everyone he didn’t mind letting the guy or you grab his clothes it was something normal for him but when Sehun came to complain about his favorite jacket being missing and then later found it on your body it got Lay laughing.

“Hyung why is y/n wearing my favorite jacket? I was supposed to use it tonight I’m going out with some friends and that jacket goes perfectly with my outfit tell her to give it back” Sehun said in a whiny tone

“Sorry but she got it first you can use any other jacket you like though,” Lay said smiling

“Oh come on if it was any of the other guys you would have asked them to take it off why does she get a free pass that’s so unfair,” Sehun said annoyed

“That’s because she’s the girlfriend he can’t say no to her and what she wants she gets that’s how whipped he is for her,” Jongdae said as he was walking past the two of them

“Yeah but that’s our jacket not hers so tell her to give it back” Sehun demanded like the spoiled brat he is

“Yeah that’s not happening he doesn’t have the heart to tell her to take it off plus she has more right to his clothes than you do,” Junmyeon said when he arias to Lay’s room

“That’s not fair hyung why did you have to be so whipped for a girl they are so annoying when I get a girlfriend I won’t let her use my stuff,” Sehun said walking over to Lay’s clothes and picking another jacket

“You will be like Lay or worst Mark my words Sehun,” Jongdae said walking away

Baekhyun:

The guys were at the mall buying new clothes and Chanyeol noticed that Baekhyun had a lot of matching clothes and he automatically knew who the other clothes were for.

“Hey Baekhyun are you buying matching clothes for your little girlfriend” the tall man teased

“Yeah way,” Baekhyun asked unbothered

“Aww that’s cute I remember you said that you will never be the type of couple,” Yeol said giggling

“Yeah well she asked if I could get this so I said why not” Bakhyeun said shy

“What else does she got you to do you have matching pajamas? Or matching phone case” Yeol said as he got Kai to make fun of Baekhyun too

“I’m sure he has matching phone cases or at last a shirt that says my queen,” Jongin said laughing

“Whatever if she’s happy then that’s all that matters,” Baekhyun said with a proud grin

Baekhyun knew he was whipped but he didn’t care if you said jump he would because your happiness is all that matters to him.

Jongdae:

Jongdae was at the dance practice texting you, you have been feeling sick for the past few days so he was worried about you. when you didn’t answer his texts he was so worried he called you and the boys heard him and when he got back they didn’t waste time and started to tease him.

“Is my baby okay do you want me to bring you medicine do you want chicken soup oppa can make it for you” Sehun said trying to mimic Jongdae’s voice

“It’s okay baby I’ll cuddle you lost when I get home make sure to drink water I love you darling” Junmyeon followed

“What’s with you guys,” Jongdae asked laughing

“Oh, you know just making fun of you, since when did you become whipped?” Kyungsoo asked

“Can’t I take care of my girlfriend?” He asked

“Yeah but you take it the extra mile you treat her like a baby she has you wrapped around her fingers,” Minseok said as he laughed

“That’s not true plus if you guys had a girlfriend you wouldn’t be talking,” Jongdae said smiling

Jongdae is whipped but he was only whipped for you he would do anything to make you smile he will give up everything if you ask him to that’s how much he loves you

Chanyeol:

Everyone knows he’s whipped he writes music about you but that’s what the boys know what they don’t is that his car and house are full of your stuff. You don’t live together but someone who didn’t know you guys would think that you do. Chanyeol makes sure he haves your toothbrush, hair products, and skincare products at his place in his car he haves hair ties and your fave lipgloss, and when the guys found out they were laughing their asses off.

“WOW Chanyeol you are something else you have everything you need for your girl that’s cute,” Sehun said as he got out of the car

“Wait till you see his bathroom he has her favorite hand soap, her skincare, and other stupid girl stuff,” Baekhyun said slapping Sehun back

“Ewww she has you so whipped,” Jongin said clapping his hands

“He’s so whipped he does everything she asks him to. If she wants him to carry her purse he will it’s cute but gross” Baekhyun said as he made kissing sounds

“Yeah yeah laugh all you want I’m just being a good boyfriend and a gentleman,” Chanyeol said blushing

“You wired dude that’s what you bring but go off,” Shun said smiling

After the guys were gone he called you to complain but you also agreed with them but you liked the fact he was whipped so now he doesn’t mind it too much.

Kyungsoo:

He was in the kitchen making your favorite food when Jongin walked in and whined about what he was cooking.

“Hyung were eating that? I was hoping to eat something like chicken,” Jongin said annoyed

“I'm cooking this for y/n not for you and if you want Chicken make it yourself,” Kyungsoo said

“ Lately you have only been cooking what y/n likes but not what I like or what the boys like” Jongin complain

“Well she’s asked if I could make her some of her favorite foods and I said yes so shut it,” Kyungsoo said annoyed

“You never do what I ask you to she does have you whipped chanyeol was right,” Jongin said disappoint

“What was he right about” Kyungsoo asked as he turned around

“That every since you started dating her she has you eating from the palm of her hand,” Jongin said

“I’ll kick his ass then I’ll kick yours now leave my kitchen before I smack you,” Kyungsoo said in a fake angry tone

Yes, he was whipped but didn't care he loves you and the boys have to deal with it.

Jongin:

He hates shearing his clothes specialty his fancy expensive ones he doesn't let anyone touch them and the boys knew it but when they saw you in Jongin’s Gucci hoodie they were quick to complain

“Hey that’s not fair why does she get to wear your clothes but not us?” Sehun asked in disbelief

“Yeah what’s so good about her that she gets the privilege to use your clothes” Baekhyun followed

“She’s my girlfriend there for she gets the privilege to wear whatever she pleases,” Jongin said happily

“Every since you started dating her you become so whipped it’s like you're a whole new person,” Chanyeol said eyeing him

“Yeah she got you so whipped it’s disgusting we want the old jongin back,” Kyungsoo said laughing

“You guys are just jealous she gets to wear what you can’t so stray jealous,” Jongin said sticking his tongue out to them and walking away

He is whipped and he loves it, it makes him feel like a good boyfriend like he’s doing everything right.

Sehun:

Junmyeon was hanging out with Sehun and he noticed how you were scolding him for making a mess and not cleaning up after himself he apologized and kissed you and even made Aegyo for you he thought it was funny and cute he didn’t know Sehun had this soft side. he knew by the way he looked at you that he was so in love that he was whipped for you so what did Junmyeon do? He teased him.

“Aww Jagiya sorry I’ll clean up don’t be angry,” Junmyeon said trying to mock him

“Stop it’s not funny,” Sehun said whining

“Oh you so whipped you didn’t even try to fight back like you usually do she told you to do the dishes and you almost said Yes ma’am it's so cute how whipped you are for that girl,” Junmyeon said laughing

“I’m not whipped and I’m only doing it because she asked me nicely,” Sehun said as he rolled his eyes

“Keep denying it you and I both know how in love you are and that you will do anything she asks you to,” Junmyeon said laughing hard

Yes, Sehun was whipped but he will deny it if anyone asks him.

—Well this was trash 😸 if you like any of my work please like and reblog 💕

[xiubaek-13]

Requested: No

Genre: Canon-AU, smut

Pairing: ? (at this stage undecided) x Reader or is it Baekhyun x Reader ?

Warnings: 18+ fic, minors DNI! angst, fluff, suggestive text, making out, confessions of feelings. Not many warnings for this one but she's deeply in her head for a decent portion of this chapter.

Word Count: 22,599

A/N: Here it is. The final chapter. Like most of my writing in the back half of this fic, it was supposed to be considerable shorter but then I let the brain worms control my fingers and now you get this behemoth of an ending. It's only had one very quick edit so I hope it makes sense and isn't a let down.

7 years ago I knew the ending for this fic, but when I was plotting out the chapter that ending simply didn't fit anymore so we've got a new ending and I hope it doesn't let you down.

The flight home left you with a lot of time to think. You had asked Minseok and Baekhyun to let the rest of the guys know about your meeting, telling them that Junmyeon could probably fill in more of the details that you’d left out when you’d broken the news to them. Your mind had been focused on getting to Minseok’s reward at the time, so discussing the feedback you’d received in great detail was not front of mind. 

Feeling overwhelmed with your own thoughts, you’d also asked them to tell everyone that you had requested some space. From them. You just couldn’t handle any of them right now. You’d assured Minseok & Baek when you’d all woken up the next morning that they hadn’t overstepped or done anything, but that your mind was too busy and too much for you right now. The internal storm had been brewing for quite some time but you’d constantly pushed it down, too busy to deal with silly things like the future, feelings and relationships. But once the tour ended and the rewards were completed (inconveniently on the same night) it all came crashing down on you. The floodgates had been opened and you didn’t know how to act normal and not drown in your own mind at the same time. You needed space to simply exist. Space to sort out your mind before you did something utterly stupid and reckless. You’d promised to never disappear on them again without talking to them, and whilst you felt a bit guilty for withdrawing from them like that you had provided warning, and as much context as you could. Baekhyun refused to let you leave until you promised him you weren’t self-destructing. That you weren’t going to disappear and not respond to them.

“You said you wouldn’t do that again. You said you’d lean on at least one of us when you were struggling.” He said, his eyes full of concern as he watched you nervously pace around the room.

“It’s different this time. I’m not sad, or feeling lonely or headed to a dark place mentally.” You stopped in the middle of the room as you tried to hold off the panic attack that you could feel building within you. You needed to go. You needed to be away from it all. You needed them to understand. “It’s just loud. And overwhelming. And I need time to be by myself to sort through everything.” 

“But you’re asking us to not contact you.” He looked down at his hands. “How will we know if you’re ok?”

“It won’t be for long. I hope. Just give me a week, then Minseok or Kyungsoo can check in to make sure I’m ok.” You said. 

“Why not me?” He asked so quietly that you barely heard the words.

“Because I know they’ll just check in with me and nothing more until I’m ready to chat.” You smiled at him. “You wouldn’t be able to help yourself. You yap. It’s just part of who you are.”

“I hate this.” He grumbled.

“I don’t like it either, but I’ll do it.” Minseok replied. He looked worried for you as well, but he could tell you weren’t going to bend on this request. He didn’t want to back you into a corner. He knew if any of them did that, they ran the risk of you running from them. He hated to see you struggle with your thoughts but he hoped he knew you well enough to know that you’d reach out if you needed to lean on them. Even if you weren’t ready.

“Fine. I’ll do it as well, but know that I truly do not like this. Not one bit.” He sighed, resigned to your decision. He realised his words may have come across too harsh when he saw guilt flash across your features. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad. I’m just worried and wish I, or any of us, could help.”

You nodded. “I get it. I would hate it if any of you did this to me. Trust me I feel shitty about it, but I need to go deal with some stuff that I’ve been putting to the side because I simply didn’t have time to process it.” You shifted nervously on your feet, itching to leave the room. You felt your heart rate increase, and breathing was becoming difficult. You had to leave before your panic was obvious to them. You weren’t sure why you were so wound up this morning, but you knew you just needed to get away from the people who paid too much attention to you. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” 

You knew that they had conveyed your wishes when the group chat you’d been added to, one that had been busy that morning with members arguing over the best American breakfast sandwich, just stopped. The messages just abruptly ended. It left a bittersweet feeling in your heart. On one hand, they were only respecting your request for space to think, but on the other, having nine large personalities all fall quiet at the same time made you feel lonely. You hadn’t realised how much they had integrated themselves into your life, and you theirs until then. You might not see them every day but their presence was always felt. Through messages bickering with each other, reminding you to eat, dumb selfies, silly jokes, recommendations for movies or tv shows, unflattering photos of the others. They were always there. Until now. Now it was as though they’d all simply ceased to exist. It was weird. It felt wrong.

You’d travelled back to Korea with the other staff members. No one found that strange as there was no reason for any of the guys to request your presence for a lesson - the tour was over. You mindlessly watched movies until you fell asleep. Dealing with the onslaught of thoughts and feelings was not something you were going to do on a long haul flight. Having a breakdown 30,000 feet above the ocean was not on your bucket list. Did you shed a tear or two at certain scenes in the movies you watched because they reminded you of certain people? Maybe. But lucky for you the staff were all equally exhausted and happy to sleep for the majority of the return trip. Once you landed the guys were called to the company whilst you and multiple other staff members were told to go home and rest. You were beyond thankful to be told to go home because that was the only thing you wanted to do. You wanted the safety of the familiar four walls of your apartment. The comfort of your bed. Maybe all you needed was a really long sleep and then you’d be less of an emotional wreck. You didn’t think you’d overworked yourself but maybe you were wrong? 

It was quiet in your apartment. Not that that was a new thing. No, the new thing was that you knew it would remain quiet. There would not be a knock on your door from a bored neighbour who wanted to raid your snack cupboard and hide from their roommates. There would be no flurry of messages to your phone or late night calls. It was probably a good thing. If this feeling that you were experiencing, like teetering on the edge of an abyss of panic, was anything to go by then you were probably deluding yourself if you thought it was purely related to being exhausted from work. 

No, if you actually thought about it, you realised that it was the culmination of a few things. First there was the fact that your contract was over and you didn’t know what was next for you, or how their CEO would respond to the work you’d done. Second was the fact that you had been sexually intimate with each of the members. You thought you’d kept the interpersonal relationship side of things separate from the sex but now your mind was throwing every ‘what if’ in the book at you. Were they your friends?, were they colleagues?, did any of them now want nothing to do with you because you’d been with the others?, did any of them want more from you?, did you want more from any of them?, did you ruin everything? Your mind was in full spiral mode, with no exits in sight. You were unfortunately in for the ride, even if you did not want to be.

You knew you needed to sit down and dwell in your thoughts and work out what to do about the nine very special men who were woven into your heart, each one you had slept with, but did you feel something more than friendship and attraction to any of them? Was it simply a working relationship that you’d sprinkled some highly unprofessional fun into or did you have romantic interest in any or all of them? You’d avoided thinking about this very thing for weeks now, always telling yourself that you were too busy with lessons. Now you were forced to address it. No one would come distract you, and there was no work to be done, and if you didn’t address it? Well it seemed like you were destined for a full blown mental breakdown if you left it to fester.

You were officially off the clock until the CEO summoned you so you had nothing but time to sit and dwell on your thoughts and feelings. Naturally you decided to clean your apartment instead. Then reorganise the kitchen, do all of your washing, make your bed and organise your desk. It was when your thumb was hovering over the call button for your parents that you snapped out of your procrastination spiral and forced your brain to start unraveling the mess that was your relationship with the EXO members. 

Like every other time you’d had to solve a seemingly large problem, you took out a notebook and pen and began to make notes. It wasn’t a pros and cons list, rather, it was your jumbled thoughts spewed out onto a page. You’d always worked best with problem solving when you had something to annotate. You needed visual logic cues if you were to concentrate on this long enough to deal with it. When you looked down at the page it was one very messy web of unfiltered thoughts. Seeing it all on the page didn’t ease your worries like it usually did. For some reason this felt bigger, like it was more important than you could perceive. 

The crux of the issue still seemed to be that they were your friends before you took on the role of teaching them English, then after they became colleagues you rather quickly implemented the reward system. Then came the issue of involving sex, but honestly, apart from some prying and joking the guys hadn’t changed in how they acted towards you. If anything some were more affectionate with you but that was never in a sexual way. They understood that the system was there for the lessons and if you excluded Minseok and Baekhyun - all sex acts were contained within the lesson rewards or punishments. Yixing was playful, but only because he knew he could get away with it. He never tried for more than being close to you, and you knew he cared about you (especially since the day at the Han River, and because he wasn’t always around), but you didn’t think he was pining for you though it was sometimes difficult to gauge what he was feeling. Junmyeon was a gentleman and rarely brought up anything to do with the reward arrangement. Chanyeol, Jongdae and Sehun liked to make suggestive comments and jokes but that was mostly in. Sehun had been clingy before all of this anyway. Kyungsoo was another who was difficult to read. He’d never tried anything after the reward, but he was sweet to you, and very familiar with you in a way he hadn’t been beforehand. Jongin was a sweetheart before and after, and you were pretty sure his reward was just an experience for him and nothing more. Minseok and you… well that has basically been a friends with benefits situation however neither of you appeared to be trying to push that arrangement into something more at present. You were both more than capable of hanging out and not fucking. 

Baekhyun presented a whole other problem. Your relationship with him had never been normal. The sexually charged banter had been there from the very beginning and only built as things went on. The day at the Han River proved that he cared about you enough to find you and help you. You enjoyed his company which wasn’t to say you didn’t enjoy all of their company, but with him it was different. Wasn’t it? You weren’t sure. The relationship that grew between the two of you had been sexually charged thanks to your drunken flirting very early on in the scheme of things but he’d never shied away from it - as long as you weren’t a drunken mess. The flirting had continued and your encounters always seemed to teeter on the precipice of taking that next step, but ended in delayed gratification so it was impossible for you to decipher if you had felt so strongly because you’d craved his body and his touch or if it was something more.

You paused in your deliberations to order some food. All this thinking was making you hungry and your mother had always told you to never make important decisions while hungry. It was something you’d lived by and you weren't about to stray from it now. A decision made while hungry could very well just be the impulsive choice rather than the choice you might make once hunger wasn’t making you impatient. Hangry was never a helpful state to be in.

What were you even trying to figure out? Did you want to date all of them? Was that even a possibility? It would be hard enough to date one idol, let alone nine of them. How would that work? You knew people back home who were in successful polycules but like, they were on the smaller side and had a more even split of gender. That and the fact that they weren’t also hugely famous in a highly conservative country and would receive backlash for anyone they dated. If you dated all nine of them, you would be the only woman and as far as you were aware, none of them were all that interested in exploring each other in that way. Did you feel that way about them? I felt like it had to be an all or nothing situation for it to be fair. You didn’t ask your brain what kind of logic that was because it made sense to you at the time. So would you be ok if you didn’t pursue anything more with any of them? Would remaining close friends with them be enough for you, or them? God you hadn’t even considered if any of them were romantically interested in you. How embarrassing would it be to make a decision only for it to be the opposite of their decision? Could your heart handle that rejection if you were dealing with freshly discovered feelings? You stood up and did a full body shake in a feeble attempt at releasing the building anxiety from your body. You needed to focus on one question at a time. Were you romantically interested in all of them? 

You weren’t sure. It was complicated. 

If you didn’t want all of them, would you be fine with just being friends with them? 

Again, you weren’t sure. All this thinking was making your head hurt. The lack of answers you were providing yourself wasn’t helping your anxiety in the slightest. Maybe you should just finish your food, go to bed and try again in the morning? You probably had jet lag. That couldn’t be helping. 

Did you want any of them in that way? Did any of them want you in that way? If you were just friends with them, would you be ok watching them date other people? Could you be happy for them? Your heart felt heavy and you were no closer to working out why. You closed your notebook and got into bed, hoping the cocoon of your blankets could wash away some of the worries and panic. 

Sleep was elusive. You tossed and turned for what felt like the entire night because you could not switch your brain off. It wasn’t supplying any new information nor was it being productive in any way. No, instead it was showing you all of the worst case scenario outcomes from your possible decisions. Thoughts of being doxxed for dating any of them, sasaengs hurting you or any of them, calls from antis to have the group disband or certain members thrown out. All of it haunted your sleep deprived brain. When your thoughts drifted to the possibility of you being deported over dating any of them, you finally heaved a sigh, called your mind an idiot and somehow fell asleep. It was more likely that you passed out from exhaustion at that point, too drained mentally to remain conscious. The dreams were just snapshots of all these awful thoughts. Your subconscious must have felt bad for you as it sprinkled in small glimpses of the happy endings where everything worked out. Little bursts of colour surrounded these moments, like it was really trying its best to show you there could be good outcomes. 

Warmth and laughter in their company, locked lips and entwined limbs, waking up in someone’s arms, secretive dates, happy smiles. Small glimpses of building a happy home together, of not dating but still hanging out and enjoying being with your friends. Feeling whole, and loved. Even dreaming you were no closer to a resolution than before. 

A new day brought distractions. So be it if those distractions were ones you forced upon yourself, they were still distractions dammit. You took yourself out for a walk in a feeble attempt at clearing your mind only to find yourself standing in front of an aquarium in Gangnam. Water always grounded you when your thoughts became too loud, and since you couldn’t sit at the beach, staring out at the waves for hours like you could in your hometown, an aquarium was the next best thing. Something about walking through enclosures below the water with sea life surrounding you was calming. It was serene and quiet. You allowed your mind to go blank as you made your way through the different exhibits, reading the fun facts that were put next to each enclosure. 

You learned about the sharks that could reproduce asexually, never needing the company of others to keep themselves afloat. Sharks were always so interesting to watch. A terrifying predator who seemingly feared nothing, but to you they were also these goofy looking creatures because of their teeth. There were too many and they were too sharp but it also made them look kind of ridiculous when they were simply existing. You had an appreciation for them. They were unbothered creatures, content to simply exist, only attacking for survival whether that be for sustenance or to defend themselves. They let specific creatures into their personal space, never attacking them, but seeming to simply coexist. Those suckerfish - that you now found out were actually called Remora - helped the sharks and in turn the sharks helped them. It seemed like a simple relationship. You imagined that one day they just attached themselves to the sharks and never let go and for some reason, the shark just let it happen. 

The tropical exhibit was vibrant and massive. You had to stop yourself from reciting lines from Finding Nemo lest you appear like a crazy foreigner talking to themselves. You knew a lot of the facts about these creatures from your studies at school but there were some things they had left out of your textbooks, probably to avoid teachers having to explain certain concepts to children. Concepts like polyamorous fish. Yeah, those existed. Well, technically the marine biologists simply documented that certain species of tropical fish mated with multiple partners. So one couldn’t explicitly state that the fish were polyamorous, but maybe that term was better than saying the fish were swingers. It was a ridiculous concept to think about. The inner working relationships of fish. Maybe you were losing your mind. 

You moved on to see the seals being fed. You always found them to be a deceptive creature. ‘Looks like a friend but is most definitely not a friend’ was the label you’d always associated with them. Growing up you’d been to a marine park and been in awe of the cute seals who did tricks for rewards in the form of fish. You even had a photo with a seal posed next to you. You remembered that it was heavy, very wet and its breath stank of fish, but it was pretty chill. Your cousin snuck you into a section you weren’t supposed to go to, where they were rehabilitating other animals - mainly dolphins and seals. He knew about a specific seal species that looked adorable and said he wanted to show it to you. He left out the part where this particular species ate penguins and other seals. He waited until you were home, talking to anyone who would listen about the world’s prettiest seal, about how they must be the sweetest and most amazing seals to ever exist. He waited until you were so enamoured by them that you were almost going to claim them as your new favourite animal to show you a section of a documentary of that specific species hunting. You had nightmares for weeks. Thankfully the seals in this enclosure were not the leopard seals of your childhood nightmares. It did remind you to call your cousin to catch up and remind him of how much he terrorised you as a child. 

You spent way too long watching the penguins in the arctic exhibit. They appeared to be nesting, at least that was the conclusion you arrived at. There were penguins lying in little circles made of rocks and ice, a nest you supposed, while their mate searched the enclosure for the perfect pieces of ice and rocks before bringing them back and placing them in the nest (you assumed they were mates since they kept returning to the same nest, never straying to a different penguin. That and you knew penguins mated for life, so if they weren’t mates then they were definitely courting the penguin they thought could be their mate). It was such a simple act but you found that you simply couldn’t leave the viewing window, entranced by such a simple act of love. 

When you finally left the aquarium a few hours later you felt more at peace than you had in weeks. By no means was your mind clear, but the chaotic tornado that had taken up residence in there was now more of a light breeze as all your worries quietened down, allowing you to logically sift through them. You allowed yourself to believe that you had in fact, been successful at teaching EXO English. The tour was successful and you hadn’t been required to step in very often during their ments or interviews. For a group with poor prior experience with learning English you had basically done the impossible. You managed to let go of the stigma that had clouded your mind for the past few weeks that was constantly telling you they were only succeeding because of the sex, but really if all they took from your lessons was the sex then they still would have failed miserably at their ments and interviews. Something you did stuck, and whether it was because you were someone they knew and trusted was kind of beside the point. You took the time to learn how each of them would learn the best from you, and tailored sessions to maximise their recall of their ments. And it fucking worked. You should really allow yourself to feel your oats more often than you did. The cloud of self depreciation that had been looming and trying to take root was dissolved. You did a good job. Others had told you so, you knew it to be true. You just had to be consistent in telling your self doubt to go fuck itself when it next tried to diminish your achievements. You felt a little lighter than you had this morning, one less voice causing chaos in your mind.

Riding on your good mood, you decided to take a walk through the nearby night markets, enjoying food from the street vendors and looking at the pretty wares others had on offer. You resisted the urge to buy gifts for the guys - this was a day for you, not a day for you to revert to stressing over if you would be giving a gift as a friend, as a romantic partner, or as a farewell. For now you simply took in the craftsmanship of the trinkets, clothing and jewellery on offer - deciding that you would go to more night markets in the future. The streets were so full of life, bustling with a palpable energy that was infectious. You loved it. The streets were illuminated with soft and pretty lights, making you feel like you were walking through a little fairytale rather than the streets of Seoul. It was an impressive feat for this small section of such a bright and bustling city to achieve. 

Eventually you decided it was time to begin the journey back towards your apartment. You wanted to call your family, possibly a friend as well, just to update them on your life as a translator overseas. Now that you actually recognised the work that you had done you knew you could feel confident talking to them about it. Talking about it to someone outside of the business might also help bring other things you were worried about into focus. You headed home with your head held high, finally feeling good about the work you had done these past months. 

Speaking with your parents and your closest friend back home helped you unpack more of your thoughts. Ones you wouldn’t have realised if you hadn’t had to conceal certain aspects of your life over here. Describing the boys as acquaintances then colleagues felt weird and wrong, but you knew you had to hide the friendship to an extent. After all, they didn’t know how damaging that kind of news could be if it got out and they would not feel the need to keep that information to themselves. You knew they’d just say you were overreacting if you told them not to tell anyone about it, so you simply kept that from them. It was easier this way even if it felt off. They meant more than you could tell your parents.

You’d always worried that your family wouldn’t be proud of you for taking a job in a foreign country and leaving as quickly as you did. You’d expected to cop an earful from your mother for not calling her more often but you were pleasantly surprised to hear how many questions she had about your work - how was your boss, how did they assign clients, were they treating you well, were the hours humane, were the conditions fair, did you get sufficient pay and time off. The list was endless. You answered all of her questions to the best of your ability without breaching your contract or giving away incriminating details. Your father wanted to know all about your living conditions, was it in a good neighbourhood, was the security good, were you safe, were you being smart when you left the house. You allowed him to nag you since that was his love language - fretting about his daughter's safety. He even convinced you to hang up and call again on video so you could show him your apartment and so they could see your face, to make sure you were being truthful about eating and sleeping well. Definitely not because they also missed you terribly. Once you had appeased them, promising no less than five times that you were keeping out of trouble, were eating well and getting enough sleep, did they allow you to ask them questions about life after you left home. It was comforting to talk to them, even if it made you miss them terribly - you longed for a warm hug from each of them more than you wanted to admit. You dodged questions of romance, citing that you were far too busy with work to date. You also had to explain how dating culture was different here, and once they knew how much faster relationships began your father was much happier to know that you weren’t dating. You’d die if he knew what you had been doing though. 

You eventually told them that you were at the end of the current contract you were on and that you were awaiting a final evaluation to see if the company you had been on contract with wanted to keep you on for other projects or if your boss would be assigning you to a new company to work with new artists. Your father could tell from your voice that you were feeling anxious about being in limbo. He told you to rest assured that you did the best work you could, and that your successes would be noticed. He told you that if they renewed your contract that would be great because you already had rapport and knew your way around the company building, feeling comfortable with that environment but he also told you that if they didn’t, that it wouldn’t take long for your boss to find you a new company because of your achievements on your current contract, and that change wasn’t a bad thing. It could lead to bigger and brighter things. Your mother was always good at talking out the minutiae of a problem with you but your father could pinpoint what you needed to hear and ease your busy mind. It was a trait you were thankful he had because it was what you needed right now. You talked for a long time after that, catching up on everything you had missed in their lives, on tv shows, the news, gossip around town. Your mother could harp on about anything if you let her. Eventually you had to try and wind up the conversation, you did have another call to make after all. After promising to call more often they let you go so you could call your closest friend. 

Speaking with her went exactly as you thought it would. First there was a lot of nagging about how you never called or told her anything, how you’d abandoned her for the rich and famous clients you had. That you’d probably snagged some uber rich and hot guy and forgotten all about little old her. Then came the endless I miss you’s followed by all the things she’d been dying to tell you. You got wildly sidetracked as you caught up on her life, her new boyfriend, her work, her plans and seemingly endless tangents. She was the kind of friend who could easily take over a conversation, something she had often had to do in the past. There were times where you just preferred to go quiet and let others lead the small talk. You preferred topics that interested you when meeting new people because you had something to contribute, and surface level conversation kind of bored you. You could do it, and did when work required it of you, but in your personal life you were often much more reserved in conversation with strangers. There was probably something to unpack there but you chose to ignore that for now.

You went through a similar interrogation about work and life in Korea with her, though she pressed for far more details than your parents did since she had some idea that you were working with idols. You managed to avoid incriminating yourself in any way but you knew this would not be the last time she pressed you for information. She had a knack for knowing when things were left unsaid, and boy did you leave a lot of things about your situation unsaid. When you got to the topic of your current employment potentially coming to an end she made similar points to your father, though she added that the more people you worked for in the entertainment sector, the more likely it was for you to meet some amazing guy. You almost choked on your laughter at that. Once again you had to promise to contact her more often before she would let you get off the phone with her. 

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: Don’t think for a moment that I didn’t pick up on the fact that something is going on with you.

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: I won’t push you for an explanation yet, but know that I’m here for you love. Anytime. 

She was too perceptive for her own good. You hated and loved her for it.

[9:21PM] You: Nothing gets past you does it? I should have known you’d pick up on it. I’m not ready to talk about it yet, still wading through my thoughts etc. But thank you bby. ILYSM <3

[9:21PM] Your bestest friend in the world: <3 Talk to me when you’re ready to unpack everything in that pretty little head of yours. ILYSM2

The calls left you feeling even more grounded and settled in your emotions. Your mind continued to be quiet and calm as you got ready for bed, hoping you would get a decent night's sleep and continue your ‘me’ time tomorrow. After all you still had to wade through your feelings about the guys, where everything between the lot of you stood now and where things were going. You weren’t sure that you could fully work out your feelings without talking to them, which could go horribly wrong but you were just too confused. You knew one thing for certain, you had to tell them that there had to be no more sex related things between any of you until this whole thing was worked out. That obviously meant no stress relief fucking with Minseok, but also had to include suggestive comments and jokes. You just weren’t sure if anything could be taken at face value, or if there was more to it.

You promised yourself that if you still felt calm and clear in your thoughts by tomorrow afternoon that you would reach out to the guys. Sure they were giving you space now, but you weren’t so naive to believe that this would continue if you reached a week with zero contact. Sure Minseok or Kyungsoo would message you but you’d rather not let it reach that point if you could help it. You knew them well enough to know that they’d start to worry, and then they’d jump to conclusions that it was somehow their fault that you weren’t talking to them. That was something you wanted to avoid. You weren’t the only one capable of spiralling in your thoughts.

***

Thankfully sleep came easily for you. The bed was comfy, the sheets a perfect texture and the room was cool, allowing you to snuggle into a blanket burrito and sleep deeply. You awoke the next day feeling well rested and more at peace than you’d felt in weeks. You promised to give yourself until the afternoon to make contact and you planned on honoring that self imposed promise so you headed out on another stroll since the weather was yet again pleasant. First stop was the coffee shop for your daily dose of sugar in liquid form (also known as an iced chocolate) and a flaky pastry. Today that was a blueberry danish. With your tasty treats in hand, you set off through the closest park, hoping to find a duck pond to sit by while you ate. There was no reason or tradition for the dunk pond, you just liked being near water when you wanted to get lost in thought. 

As luck would have it, you did find a pond, sadly barren, with no ducks, but it still had the desired effect of being an idyllic backdrop for you. You made a mental list of the things you needed to complete before returning to your apartment. 1. Get groceries so you could cook yourself some meals for the next week. 2. Buy some new clothes and accessories before the season changes so you wouldn’t be caught out. 3. Visit a nearby corgi cafe so you could give some fluffballs your love. 4. Buy a couple of gifts to send home to your parents and closest friend. It wasn’t too overwhelming, but it should keep you occupied until it was time to reach out to the guys. You probably wouldn’t check off the final item today, that would require a future visit to the night markets. 

Groceries were reasonably simple. After talking with your family you suddenly craved a simple western meal so you’d decided on some pan cooked chicken with roasted vegetables and a salad. If you seasoned each chicken breast slightly different it would change up your meals enough each night for you to not grow bored of them. You managed to successfully buy some new clothes and accessories to put away for the next season and then spent two blissfully happy hours at the corgi cafe. You were constantly being prodded with little paws or wet noses asking for pats and treats. You were quite literally covered in fur but you didn’t care. They were so cute and getting to spend time with them really filled the part of you that desperately wanted a pet. You’d have one one day, when the time was right and you could dedicate yourself to training and giving them all the affection in your being. 

With a little tri-coloured corgi resting his head on your lap you let your thoughts drift. When would you get the call from Mr. Kim? At this point you just wanted to have your meeting so you could stop weighing up the uncertainty of your professional future. Once that was set then you knew you could much more easily discuss where things either should or should not progress with the guys. That moment of clarity for what you wanted in that respect remained elusive. You knew that you wanted them in your life, and whilst the thought of nothing more than friendship didn’t entirely sit well with you (you still couldn’t pinpoint why that was), you knew you could do that if that’s all they wanted from you. You felt something for each of them but you hadn’t fallen hard for anyone, a feat that you thanked your guarded heart for immensely. There was closeness, attraction and lust but no deep romantic love. You could see yourself falling if you opened your heart to it and if it was reciprocated by them, but for now you were safe from heartbreak if they didn’t have interest in you like that. 

You’d thought about what you’d do if more than one, or oddly if all of them wanted some sort of arrangement with you. You’d decided that you weren’t opposed to the idea, but only if certain ground rules were in place to keep everyone safe.  If they were opposed to a more polyamorous relationship then you would step back and remain their friend. You refused to allow them to fight and potentially damage their relationships with each other - both personally and professionally - over dating you. It could be seen as a clinical approach but the reality was that they were at the peak of their careers right now and you would not allow the prospect of dating you to get in the way of that. You weren’t that important, you couldn’t be. There was also the secretive nature of whatever relationship you all moved forward with. Male idols were not supposed to be close with other women, that only led to dating scandals which was another thing you wanted to avoid at all costs. 

Ultimately you had to talk to the guys and lay all of your thoughts out for them. They had to know where you stood and then you had to give them time to work out where they stood and what they wanted. Would that be an awkward as fuck conversation? Yes. Was it necessary? Also yes. It was time. No more radio silence. No more dwelling. You quickly sent off a message before you could talk yourself into taking another day to sit with your thoughts. 

[6:13PM] You: Are you guys busy?

The response was almost instantaneous. You hoped that didn’t mean they were hanging out by their phones waiting to hear from you. 

[6:13PM] Junmyeon: Noona! It’s nice to hear from you :)

[6:13PM] Junmyeon: We all just got home. Do you need something?

His words calmed you a little. It was his usual routine to check his phone as soon as he got home. Then he did his best to ignore it for a few hours, only answering if a manager or family member called.

[6:14PM] You: I was hoping I could come up and have a chat with everyone?

[6:14PM] You: But like, only if you’re all free and ok to have me over. I’m sure you’re all still tired.

You might be offering to have this meeting but that did not mean you weren’t incredibly anxious about it. You’d kept your thoughts at bay for almost two days but as soon as you put the talk on the table all of your fears resurfaced. What if they were mad at you? What if you’d read too much into this relationship? What if you caused a rift in the group? You didn’t want to be EXO’s Yoko. 

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: Nonsense. Come on up.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: They’d kill me if I didn’t invite you up here and you know it.

[6:14PM] Junmyeon: All I’ve heard since we boarded the plane is whiny men. Get your ass up here and put me out of my misery!

You laughed at that. You could practically see him pouting as he typed the messages out to you. It didn’t seem like they were mad, but a small part of you also began to worry that they were too prone to overreacting. You shut that down when you reminded yourself that you’d basically cut them off cold turkey right at the end of the tour. The only people who had spent time with you after that final concert were Minseok and Baekhyun, and only them and Junmyeon knew about your meeting, unless they’d told the others about it. After all you had said they could do that. 

[6:15PM] You: It’s barely been 36 hours. You guys are maybe a little too codependent on me.

[6:15PM] You: But fine, I’ll be up in like 30 mins. Is that enough time for you to round everyone up?

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: You know we love you, but it was the radio silence and request to not contact you that sent them in a tailspin.

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: Not that I’m mad, just to be clear. I get it, but they lowkey freaked out.

Yeah, that checked out. You needed to just get home and go see your ragtag bunch of idiots who seemed to care about you more than you ever thought they would. However you also need to stop whatever attempt at ‘down with the cool kids’ lingo Junmyeon was trying to achieve. He already got teased enough for being the old man of the group and poorly inserting lingo that was clearly out of place in his vernacular was not going to help him.

[6:15PM] You: Don’t say lowkey, that’s not who you are. 

[6:15PM] You: Sehun is probably the only one of you who can get away with saying that. Chanyeol and Baekhyun think they can, but the jury is out on whether or not they can.

[6:15PM] Junmyeon: I’m going to ignore that slander of my character. I’m up on current slang. 

You actually facepalmed. Why was he like this? WHY.

[6:16PM] You: Seriously. STOP. You are in no way helping yourself here.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: 30 minutes is fine. See you soon. 

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: Just to check though, should I be emotionally prepared for some heartbreaking and serious talk? You rarely ask to speak to all of us at once.

You supposed it could come off as a we need to talk moment given the lack of context you’d provided. And it kind of was that, but also not? You really didn’t want them to freak out. Nine guys fretting would be too overwhelming for you.

[6:16PM] You: Semi serious, but nothing heavy. I just want to explain myself and where my head has been at so you all understand why I kind of just disappeared.

[6:16PM] Junmyeon: Bet. See you soon then <3

[6:17PM] You: You are too old to be saying bet. Who is teaching you this shit? You know what. Don’t answer that. Just stop saying ‘trend’ words. We both know you’re not cool enough to pull them off. No offence.

[6:17PM] You: See you soon. <3

[6:17PM] Junmyeon: Wow noona. Harsh. My lingo is on fleek, it's rude of you to not realise that.

[6:17PM] You: I’m never going to speak to you again. 

[6:17PM] You: And I might have to cause bodily harm to whoever taught you this lingo.

You locked your phone before you cringed at any further attempts at current slang were sent to you. It was go time for you. Whether you were ready or not (you were not), the conversation was happening. Time to get your butt home and face the music. So to speak. You just hoped you weren’t about to fuck it all up. 

***

Nine pairs of eyes stared back at you from the various spots in the living room. You stood awkwardly in front of the tv as you contemplated whether or not to find yourself a chair or if you were just going to stand here and speak. The choice ended up being made for you as Yixing brought a chair in for you to sit on. It was still placed in the centre of the room facing all of them, but it felt a little less intimidating to sit before speaking. Yixing’s fingers brushed over your shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, before he moved back towards his place on the lounge. 

You cleared your throat and decided to approach this as you would remove a bandaid - quickly. You knew the guys were all wondering what the cause of your no contact rule was and the sooner you put them out of their misery the better. It would be better for you as well because you would get at least this part of the conversation out of your brain. Your time at the aquarium had helped clear your thoughts, as had your walk through the city. You weren’t so sure if the evening sitting in your apartment spiralling in your thoughts helped, so this was your attempt at preventing that from happening again tonight while still putting some space between them and you while you sorted your shit out.

“I uh, I want to apologise for not speaking with any of you properly before we flew back from the tour.” You held up a hand to stop the immediate chorus of responses that were coming from the guys. “Please let me get all of this out before any of you speak otherwise I don’t know if I’ll be able to get through it.” Nine heads nodded at you and waited for you to continue. 

“I got really in my head about everything and needed to take a step away from all of it, from everyone, while I tried to settle my thoughts.” You started. “First I worried that I hadn’t done a good job because I’d been unprofessional, but after I let myself spiral I realised that wasn’t true and that I had done a great job. I didn’t get to tell you after the last show ended but I could not be more proud of each and every one of you. Your English improved SO much and whilst a certain amount of that is on me, a huge part of that is on you for applying yourselves to the lessons and the study in order to make those improvements. You should also all be really proud of yourselves for the progress you’ve all made.” You couldn’t help but smile at them, pride shining through you. You were truly impressed at the work they’d put in and the results they’d shown in such a small timeframe. “Were part of the lessons and some of my conduct unprofessional? Yes, but I now believe that none of those things hindered your progress, nor were they the sole motivation for your improvements. Whether I’m wrong or right about this, I’m now choosing to believe that they were a pleasant bonus to all of this.”

Time for the big reveal. The thing that had been weighing on you, causing you to nearly have multiple panic attacks. The thing you were most scared about admitting to them. Would they thing you were overreacting or crazy? Would they understand? “My relationship with all of you also began to get muddled in my head by the end of the tour. We all met before I took on the role of teacher and prior to that we were all friends, and with more than one of you there was also an undercurrent of flirtation - regardless of whether any of us were going to act on it or not. Then I became someone who worked for you, who was quite literally on call for if you needed a lesson, in any setting and at any time of day. We were still friends but it did alter the relationship with you. Then I added in the reward/punishment system and that kind of threw a spanner in the works. We were all close, but inevitably when you add physical intimacy or sex to the equation it blurs the lines. My brain kept spiralling between ‘are we friends, colleagues, fuck buddies, in a relationship, did you never want to see me again, were you going to fight if any of us wanted a romantic relationship…’ so yeah, after the last night in America I withdrew into my head and just needed to be with my thoughts - as much as I really really really did not want to sift through them. I knew I needed to for the sake of my mental wellbeing. I hadn’t realised it but those thoughts had been building for quite some time and after all the lessons were over and all rewards or punishments received, those thoughts were relentless and overwhelming. I couldn’t ignore them any longer.”

You couldn’t stop talking. If you did, you were pretty sure you’d bottle everything up until you did what you were best at, running. It wasn’t a fair thought to have, but sadly you were in no state to control the cruelty of your thoughts. You just had to keep speaking and once you finished you hoped they understood. “As I’m sure Minseok and Baek told you, I had a meeting with the managers and Junmyeon to discuss my work and for feedback to be provided. Without going into too much detail, the meeting went well, but my future with SM hangs on your CEO. He was sent video of your ments and interviews while overseas to review as well as feedback from the managers, staff and yourselves. I will either be let go and my boss will find me a contract with another company - which will mean we won’t see each other as much or as freely - or I’ll be kept on one of two contracts with SM. Either an exclusive contract with EXO with allowances for freelance tutoring in my free time within SM, or a contract with SM where I would not be assigned any specific group but would be available at the company to provide lessons for existing artists and trainees. Either of those options would mean we would see more of each other, but the latter would mean we would not be able to speak as freely as we do now with each other.”

“I spent a lot of time stressing about what I wanted to happen and what possible scenarios could happen but I guess professionally any option is good for me as all options mean I remain working in this field and helping others improve their language skills. I stress over large changes in my life, not sure if that is something I’ve ever mentioned, but it’s a thing. Obviously.” You scoffed as you made a vague gesture at yourself and the clear state of stress you were in. “Personally, I don’t want to lose what we have. I cherish each of you and love that we’ve still been able to hang out and play around while we’re all working. I know we’d make it work if I have to go to another company but I know we would see each other significantly less than we do now.”

You took a deep breath. You hadn’t looked at any of them while you spoke. You knew if you saw their eyes you’d stop speaking. So you just couldn’t. Not yet. What if they looked at you with pity, anger, happiness, disgust, or worse - indifference. You could rationalise it if they felt something, but seeing them feel nothing when your mind had been fucking chaos might just be the straw that broke the camels back. You didn’t look at them. “So to sum up, I overthought everything, stressed, spiralled and withdrew from all of you which may or may not have been the right thing to do but I’m here now. I should know in a few days where my future lies work-wise but wanted to open the floor to discuss whatever this relationship we all have now is because I don’t think it is something I can resolve by myself. We don’t have to discuss it now, but I want you to think about it. I don’t know if you view me as a friend or as someone you want to pursue something with, or someone you no longer wish to see. I’m sorry to just dump all of this on you but I need to put it all out there, as much as I can right now anyway.” 

You’d done it. You’d told them what had been going on in your mind. Mostly. You hadn’t discussed your feelings but you’d mentioned all possibilities so that had to count for something. You really just wanted to run and hide, to become invisible rather than be perceived right now, but you knew you had to remain in your spot and hear what they had to say. No matter what it was. 

Chanyeol was the first to speak. He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to keep his tone even. “Not going to lie, this is a lot. I think I speak for all of us when I say that, and I think you know that. I appreciate you opening up to us about what was going on in your head, I'm sure we all do, even if it does leave us with more questions and discussions to have.”

You nodded. It was a lot. You knew it. You’d lived with all of it in your brain. It was only fair to give them time as well. That’s why you’d said you didn’t need to discuss it now.

Minseok was next to speak, he smiled softly at you, his own way of trying to calm your nerves even now. “I don’t think it’s something we should talk about tonight. You know as well as we do that we can be impulsive and that discussions can get heated quickly if we haven’t had time to choose our words. As weird as it will be I think we all need to take some time to think about what we want, and what will work best moving forward.”

You nodded again. You’d used all your words in speaking to them and now could bring yourself to speak. 

“This is going to sound shitty noona, and for that I’m sorry but I don’t think there is a diplomatic way to put it, well at least not one that I can think of right now,” Junmyeon said, sighing as he had to be the guy to say it. “but we do need to consider how it might affect the group if one or more of us are interested in pursuing you, especially if it means some may be rejected. At the end of the day, EXO has to come first, and god I know that’s a shitty thing to say, but it’s something we need to think about and probably talk about amongst ourselves. No offence.” You knew someone would have to raise that point, and it was a valid one, one you’d thought about as well. It did make sense that it was their leader who was the one to say it. After all, he always did put the group above everything else.

You had to speak, nodding wouldn’t suffice in response to that. It would only make him feel like a jerk and that was the last thing you wanted him to feel. You cleared your throat and hoped you said the right things. “All valid points, and don’t worry, there’s no offence taken, Junmyeon. I’d also thought that you should all take some time away from me to think over what you want and to discuss with the group. If one or more of you wanting to pursue me would negatively affect the group then I don’t think anything more than friendship is possible.” 

You paused. Would they think of this option if you didn’t raise it? You weren’t sure. But if it helped them with their deliberations then it was worth the level of embarrassment you were about to feel by simply suggesting it. “I guess the last thing for me to put out there is that after some thinking, I’m not opposed to exploring the possibility of a polyamorous type of situation if that is something you guys land on. However, I’m also not opposed to monogamy or just friendship with all of you. It might sound like I either don’t care that much or that I don’t know what I want, and the latter is somewhat true, but I did draw a line between what we were doing in the rewards versus hanging out outside of that and it prevented me from allowing too many feelings to take root. I’m not sure where any of you stand and I don’t want to know right now either since all of this” You gestured with your hand, waving it vaguely to indicate all of you. “Is so fresh and we all have a lot to consider, or not consider. I don’t know.” Breathe you told yourself. You had to breathe or you’d panic before this conversation ended.  “I’ll hopefully have a follow up meeting in a couple of days and then will know what will be happening with the work aspect of my life. I think we should meet once I know that side of things and chat again? But if you need more time, I would completely understand.”

Not much was said after that. The air was tense and awkward as you all kind of forgot how to act around each other. You stayed for a little while to hear about the plans for their encore concert but as soon as that conversation topic dwindled, you said your goodbyes and headed back to your apartment.

It might be time to call your friend. You were more confused after that meeting and once again on the precipice of a breakdown. You couldn’t wade through this on your own and you couldn’t ask one of the guys for help because this was about them. You couldn’t tell your friend every detail, but you could tell her enough. 

[10:49PM] You: So uh, are you free for that chat?

[10:49PM] Your bestest friend in the whole world: For you? Always. 

***

You awoke the next morning to the sound of a text message notification on your phone. You rubbed your eyes as you tried to focus on the name of the contact who sent the message. You sat up in your bed as soon as your eyes managed to make out that the message was from your boss. Hopefully it was the message you’d been waiting for.

[7:42AM] Mr. Kim: Good morning, I hope you have had sufficient time to relax since returning from the overseas tour with EXO. I had a meeting this morning with SM’s CEO, Lee Soo Man about your performance under the current contract you have with SM and what his thoughts were for your potential future prospects at the company. I’ve scheduled a meeting for us at midday at my office. I’ll see you in a few hours to discuss. 

If you were half awake at the start of that message, you were wide awake now. Of course a meeting is called the day after you dropped what felt like a literal bomb on your nine upstairs neighbours. You had just over four hours to freshen up and get yourself over to his office. Not that you were nervous… not at all… not even a little bit. It wasn’t like the outcome of this meeting determined the future of your career or anything. No, shut up. You tried telling your mind as it attempted to spiral before any form of carb or sugar entered your system. You repeated your father’s words over in your head as you picked out clothes for the meeting, a simple and professional outfit that you would not anxiety sweat through before you even reached Mr. Kim’s office. You showered and got yourself ready for the day and whatever it would bring. Maybe it would be better once it was all over, then you could stop overthinking and fretting about every possible outcome. That wasn’t how you liked doing things but it seemed to be what happened whenever it was important to you. When you cared.

Just before you left the apartment you sent a message to the group chat so that everyone was kept up to date.

[10:25AM] You: Hey, just a heads up that I’m on my way to a meeting now. LSM has made his decision and I’ll know my work fate in a couple of hours. I know I suggested meeting again after I had my meeting but given I literally only proposed everything to you last night, I’ll bench our talk until you guys have had time to deliberate and all that. Just reach out when you want to chat and I’ll make myself available. 

It felt clinical and not how you’d ever spoken to them when there was no one to overhear your conversations. It felt like how you spoke to them when one of their managers was present. It felt wrong and something in your heart hurt. There was no response, but you could see the members slowly reading your message. Sehun reacted to it with a thumbs up message which then spurred everyone into chatting, mainly to scold Sehun but seeing the chat alive again felt right.

You put your phone on do not disturb mode as you approached Mr. Kim’s office, coffee in hand. Not the iced variety that was so popular among idols. No, the purpose of this coffee was not to keep you awake, rather it was to give you a caffeine hit as well as comfort you with its warmth. You were always nervous when it came time for a performance review, but unlike last time with Blackpink, you were a lot closer with the members of EXO and their staff. Unlike last time you knew that you had done your job successfully, you’d been present to witness the members grow in their language skills and watched them deliver their ments to their American audiences with little to no translation required. The only slip was the night Baekhyun forgot his lines, but the following shows he required no assistance.

Once you arrived, Mr. Kim’s secretary ushered you into his office, telling you he was just finishing up a meeting in another room and would be with you shortly. Thankfully you did not have to wait long before he entered the room. He smiled and greeted you warmly then moved to sit at his desk. You’d been in this room a few times now and it was always nerve wracking. 

“Once again I can tell that you are eager to hear your evaluation.” He chuckled.

You nodded. “Apparently my face hides nothing from you.”

“Actually your face is not what gave you away, it was the fidgeting fingers this time.” He pointed at your free hand which was unfortunately fidgeting with the buckle on your handbag.

Your fingers stilled, but you itched to keep busy with something. Anything to get the frenetic energy out of your system. “You got me. Now please put me out of my misery already and give me my evaluation.”

Lucky for you, he prided himself on business and got right to it. You never had to endure too much small talk with him. It was a much more pleasant experience than the managers you had back before moving here. They seemed to want to spend up to ten minutes chatting about nothing before switching to business mode. That was not the Mr. Kim way. His way was better. For you at least. Mr. Kim pulled a file up on his computer and turned the screen so that you could see it as well. “As you already know from the last time we did this, we assess you in three areas. 1. How well the tasks were performed 2. How you worked with the clients and 3. Work ethic/professionalism. I’ve reviewed the recording of the last meeting you had during the tour as well as received feedback from the SM CEO.” 

He clicked on a file and opened it. “This is a review of the tasks performed. As you can see, it was unanimous across the board that you have excelled in this area. You successfully prepared the members for their interviews and concert ments, improving their English significantly. You joined the group on tour and no issues were reported by staff or the members, nor did you appear in any fan reports or cause any scandals.” He paused to look at you, a knowing smile on his face. “But you already know this from your meeting with the managers and Junmyeon. I’ll only add the feedback from their CEO. He said he was impressed that someone of your young age was able to successfully complete these tasks to the level that you did, he made special mention of the tailored lessons as a genius move on your part. He noted that whilst it would be an arduous task for all clients, it worked for EXO in ways no one expected. They have not had this level of success in teaching a group that didn’t already have a member with a decent grasp on English or a native English speaker. He was also very impressed that you were able to fit in and work seamlessly with a well established team.” Mr Kim paused, signalling that you could now speak before he addressed the next criterion.

So far things were going well. Logically you knew that you had succeeded in your role, but it was always a relief to hear it. Hearing from your boss and the head of the group's company eradicated the last of the anxiety you felt about your ability as a teacher. “Thank you Mr Kim. I felt that I was succeeding in my role and I am glad to have that confirmed by the head of their company, but I do have to ask what he meant about my age?”

“Most translators or teaching staff that are brought in are older than you. Especially when it comes to English. There is a greater risk when idols are involved and most companies specifically request someone over 40 to be assigned so that there could never be any misunderstandings around the nature of the relationship.” He replied.

Your brow furrowed. “Then how did I get the job? I’m significantly younger than that, even if I’m still older than the members.” 

He smiled smugly. “Ah well that was me. I know companies prefer older staff, especially when they are working with the opposite sex, but I had a hunch that you would succeed where others had failed with EXO. Their CEO reluctantly agreed to trial you and had to admit he was pleasantly surprised after receiving the one month evaluations of the members progress.” 

Noticing that you weren’t going to add any more to that discussion, Mr. Kim moved on. He scrolled through the document until he reached the heading indicating the second criterion. “Before I move into discussing the external evaluations I would like to say that I am personally very impressed that you took on the feedback provided after your time with Blackpink and applied it to EXO. You managed to become more familiar with them and it shows in the reviews from the others. I strongly believe that this improvement is what made this job such a success for you.” He gestured towards you. “So I wanted to commend you on the large improvement in this area.”

You smiled. “Thank you Mr. Kim. Your advice was intrinsic to the development of the tailored lessons as well as my comfortability in becoming closer with the members so that we could work together to the best of our abilities.”

“As you know from the feedback from both managers and members, you exceeded expectations in this area, and everyone benefited from your approach. The CEO questioned whose idea it was for you to become closer to the members and expressed the concerns he had about it. Once I explained that it was feedback that you had been given from myself and the reasons why I felt it would improve outcomes, especially given your closeness in age to any 2nd or 3rd gen idols in comparison to the on staff teachers who were usually around the same age as the idols parents he understood. He stated that whilst he had his reservations about that kind of approach given the potential issues that could arise, dating scandals, sasaeng accusations, unprofessionalism etc. he could see how it worked in the members favour. The group had undergone quite a few hardships prior to this comeback, with members leaving and dating scandals damaging their public image. He stated that they were likely to be quite reserved and untrustworthy of someone new to their staff and that it would take a long time for them to begin to trust a new staff member. However, you managed to make them feel comfortable and not lose the authority you had over them as their teacher, whilst remaining respectful at all times. He said he was very pleasantly surprised by this.” He sat back in his chair while you processed his words. Mr. Kim had only had meetings with you a handful of times before this, but he already knew to let you take a moment while his words sunk in before having you respond. 

A weight lifted off your shoulders. Yes, you recalled the nature of the meeting you had with the managers and Junmyeon whilst overseas, but your brain had managed to twist their inarguably positive feedback into statements that you had turned over in your mind repeatedly as you second guessed every moment you’d spent with the members. Knowing that the CEO was reviewing all of the work you had completed overseas had stressed you more than you had realised. It was as if you could feel the tension leaving your body every time Mr. Kim read out his feedback. 

“I’m glad my efforts have been recognised, and that I’ve shown improvement in this area. I also understand the concerns their CEO had. We had meetings with the members and their managers regarding safety and security of both the members and myself to ensure no photos were snapped if we were not on a schedule. The last thing any of us wanted to do was bring negative attention to this working relationship. We also discussed at length the boundaries we should draw in order to not become overly familiar with each other and I believe that assisted greatly.” It wasn’t a lie as such. You really did have those meetings and you really did discuss those boundaries. It was just the managers weren’t present for the third meeting which involved you and the members working out how to put each other in line if any of you slipped and a glimpse of how close you really were slipped through. It was a miracle nothing ever happened in view of other staff or the public, but there were a couple of close calls. You’d all been very lucky in that regard.

Mr. Kim powered on. “On to the final point, we’ve never had any issues with your work ethic or professionalism, and neither have the members or managers. Their feedback was passed on to the CEO, who praised you for being available at short notice in order to fit with the members busy schedules. He was also very happy that the members did not abuse this clause in your contract but rather made sure the others were aware if one of them had required you early in the morning or late at night so that they could avoid overworking you.” Mr. Kim closed the document. “I’ll be honest, he got rather sidetracked at this point and spent a good ten minutes praising his EXO boys. I can assure you that he was very pleased with both your work ethic and professionalism. He agreed with the manager's statements that you clearly succeeded at your role, exceeding all expectations that were had of you.” He chuckled as he shook his head. “But once he starts talking about those boys it is hard to shut him up. You’d think they were his sons sometimes.”

You allowed yourself a pleased hum at the feedback you’d received. High marks in all areas of assessment. Exceeded expectations, exemplary results. “Thank you Mr. Kim. I’m very glad that my hard work paid off and that my approach was successful for the members.” You paused. “However, as much as I want to just bask in this feedback, I am too curious about my contract. Did their CEO happen to mention if he planned to renew my contract, or are you finding me a new group to work with?” You needed to know, and you needed to know like two weeks ago at this point. 

Mr. Kim, to his credit, did not outright laugh at your impatience. Instead he opened a drawer and pulled out a manila folder. “I understand that this must have been weighing on your mind these past few weeks.” 

You nodded. “You would be very correct.”

“He did come to a decision. I won’t draw this out as I can tell you just want me to get to the point. He was incredibly impressed by your determination and competency, and as we all know, the results speak for themselves. He does want to offer another contract, however it would differ from your current one.” He stated.

“How so?” You asked.

“Firstly, this contract would not commence until three months from now.” He explained. “They want you to continue your work with the company, working with all of their artists. EXO would take priority if and when they have any overseas schedules that would require them to speak English. The rest of the time you would assist whichever groups or artists he deems in need of your skills. You would also offer lessons in the company like you did whilst EXO were in Japan during your contract.” Mr. Kim slid the folder across the table for you to pick up and look over. 

“I am grateful to have the opportunity to continue to work with SM. Like I said in my meeting overseas, I have been treated exceptionally well by their company, its staff and idols and welcomed the opportunity to continue working with EXO, be assigned to another group within the company or as an in-house teacher/translator.” Well there it was, they had offered another contract. You could keep working for SM, potentially with the guys as long as their schedules required English, but you’d still be in the same building as them. There was a decent break before commencement which was nice, but you did have concerns about your income. Not working for three months would be a struggle for you financially. “I do have questions regarding the three month break in between contracts though.”

“I believe my next statement should cover whatever concerns you have.” He directed your attention to another section of the new contract. “During that time, SM has stated that they will contact you for freelance work if/when required but that you are also not exclusively bound to the label during that time, so you can assist other companies and artists. This will allow you to continue to earn income and gain further experience in this field. I will also say that you will find in the proposed contract that your fees have increased. I did not consult you on that, but felt that you had every right to request a higher rate given the success of your work thus far. I would encourage you to take a break for a couple of weeks, more if you wanted to take this opportunity to visit home, before letting me know you are ready for some more work with other artists. I do have one group in particular that I think would work for this short timeframe. They have not yet debuted but they do have varying levels of proficiency in English, varying from fluency to what is taught in our schools here.” He waved a hand in front of his face as he realised he’d said too much. “But that is a discussion for another date, I’m getting ahead of myself.”

You smiled, genuinely too. This was wonderful news and it settled a large part of your anxiety to have secured more work, especially work that would require little change. “Thank you Mr. Kim. I’ll take this contract home to review but it sounds promising. I think I will take a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate, but I would like to request a clause be added to this contract. I understand that I may have some further changes to request, but I’m reasonably certain this one won’t already be in there.”

“What would that request be?” He asked.

“An allowance for one or two weeks of consecutive leave within the next 6 months for me to visit my family. I’m not ready to make a trip home yet, but I know I will be during that time period and I don’t wish to be told that I cannot go. I would provide sufficient notice for the leave, unless there was an emergency, so as to not hinder the progress of their artists' lessons.” In your mind it sounded reasonable, and you’d heard of difficulties with obtaining leave from work in Korea, so you wanted to safeguard yourself as best as you could. 

“I’ll have our lawyers make the addition. We’ll hold off sending it to SM until you’ve read through the contract and made any other amendments.” He stood and shook your hand. “You’ve done well so far, and I continue to be impressed with your work.”

The meeting ended shortly after that which you were glad for. The feedback was self esteem boosting, and proved to yourself that you had done a great job, that your hard work had not only paid off but had been noticed. You also managed to tell yourself that your closeness with the guys wasn’t the sole factor for your success, they really did suck at English before your lessons and whilst the sex during the rewards and punishments was great, you were pretty sure you couldn’t learn a language purely from fucking. Somewhere along the lines, your lessons struck a chord with them and they wanted to learn, so they did, and it stuck. That was a job well done by you. 

After you left Mr. Kim’s office you put your phone back in normal mode.The group chat had been busy these past few hours. Message notifications flooded your phone as you began the commute home. They had pinned a message so that you wouldn’t miss it once you finally checked your phone.

[11:48AM] Minseok: Please tell us when you finish your meeting. Kyungsoo wants you to come up for dinner so you can tell all of us what the outcome was. 

The messages after were a chorus of predictions and bickering. 

[11:51AM] Jongin: I think SM will do another contract.

[11:51AM] Sehun: Well duh. They’d be stupid to let her help our competitors.

[11:52AM] Jongdae: Noona could make some sweet demands if they offer a new contract.

[11:52AM] Kyungsoo: Yeah, make SM work for it. Lord knows they’ve fucked over too many idols in contracts. If they offer a new one MAKE A LAWYER LOOK AT IT.

[11:53AM] Yixing: Make demands of your own too. Make that thing benefit you, coz if they offer a new contract it means they want to stop you from working with other companies.

[11:53AM] Chanyeol: MAKE. SM. WORK. FOR. YOU. You’ll have the upper hand and they don’t want you to know that.

[11:54AM] Baekhyun: Yeah, fuck SM!!!

[11:54AM] Junmyeon: Guys… 

[11:54AM] Minseok: Idk man, all I see is valid points being made.

[11:55AM] Junmyeon: I… you were meant to be on my side Minseok.

[11:55AM] Minseok: I never promised that. 

[11:55AM] Minseok: Fuck SM. 

[11:56AM] Kyungsoo: So I think we might be doing the opposite of encouraging you to consider taking another contract with them if they offer. What we mean to say is, have someone look over the contract, make some demands (because they have to acknowledge your worth now) and know that our disdain for our company comes from the nature of idol contracts which are VERY different to the kind of contract you would be offered. 

[11:56AM] Junmyeon: Thank you!

[11:57AM] Kyungsoo: Stop making me do your job man. 

There were another 500 messages after that (which you did not read), but you made sure to send one as requested

[3:30PM] You: Holy crap that is a lot of messages. No offence but I am not reading through all of them. As requested, I’m letting you know that I’ve finished my meeting. I’m heading back to the apartment now. What time do you want me up there for dinner?

[3:30PM] Kyungsoo: Food should be ready at 7 PM. 

[3:30PM] You: I’ll see everyone then.

***

“Noona, can we talk before you come up for dinner?” You’d picked up on the first ring when you’d seen Baekhyun’s name pop up.

He sounded unsure of himself, which was a rarity. “Sure Baek. Is everything ok?”

“I think so? I hope so.” He groaned in frustration. “Ugh I don’t know.”

Now you were getting concerned. Was he ok? “What’s going on?”

“I’ve been thinking about everything you talked about last night and I think I understand why you had to just unload everything all at once to us.” He took a deep breath. “My brain has been working too much and making too many scenarios for me to keep up with.” 

Well that you could relate to. You really didn’t wish the clusterfuck that had been your thoughts over this past week on anyone, so you empathised with Baek if he was suffering with the downward spiral that too many thoughts inevitably brought. “I get that. Would it help if you just tell me everything?”

He was quiet for a moment as he thought over his options. Quite likely he was worried that speaking to you would only make things worse. That’s precisely what made you a nervous wreck before you word vomited all over their living room last night. “Maybe. Might make everything worse, I don’t know.”

You tried to sound reassuring. It was always easier for you to provide comfort in person or via text. Over the phone was some strange middle ground where you didn’t always stick the landing. “It’s just me. Since when have we ever not been able to talk to each other?”

“You’re right.” He said. “Fuck. Ok.” Yeah, he was nervous. Should you be nervous? Was he about to reject you? Was he going to confess? No. You needed to remain as calm as possible. He was the one allowed to freak out right now, not you. 

You pushed your growing anxiety down and said as reassuringly as you could. “I’m right here. Promise.”

You heard him take a steadying breath before he started speaking. “I guess I’ve been trying to work out where things stand between us.” He said. “It’s never just been friendship between you and I. There was always flirtation and we only got bolder with it as time went on until we had sex, which I know was as a result of my lesson, but I don’t know, we only had the lesson because we were about to fuck and you stopped it from happening until after that. I guess it felt like more than just because of the reward stuff I guess. It felt like something that was inevitable, like we were orbiting each other until we would ultimately collide.” He took a breath, meanwhile your heart was hammering in your chest. 

“I know we’ve discussed it and both agreed that there was something more there, some kind of feelings neither of us had addressed. I don’t know how you feel now, but for me, after we slept together those feelings only intensified. I still didn’t know what they were so I just assumed they were born from lust but when you asked for space and then went silent for days I realised that they weren’t feelings of lust. I realised that I care deeply for you and the very thought of you not being in my life hurt me to my very core. I know it was just sex for you and everyone else but for me, I can’t say for sure, but I think I like you as far more than a friend and would not be satisfied just being a fuck buddy. I know I said I would never entertain us ever being able to actually be a real thing but I want that so much that it is physically painful. I needed to tell you before we all talked tonight because I want to be selfish and pursue you myself but I don’t know where you stand. I don’t know if I’m making a fool of myself right now and you’re thinking of the nicest way to reject me or if you don’t know how you feel or if you feel the same. All I know is that I barely slept last night after I realised all of this and I had to say something.”

“Baek,” You started.

He didn’t let you get the words out, not that you even knew what those words would be. So maybe him interrupting you was for the best right now. “I know this is a lot to dump on you, I know that, but I needed to say it.”

You weren’t sure if you were ready to tell him everything you realised on your call last night. It was still too confusing. Still too fresh. But you also couldn’t leave him hanging with nothing after he just poured his heart out to you. “You know I have feelings for you, just that at the time I didn’t know what those feelings were.”

“Have you worked it out since then?” He all but whispered, as though he was scared of what your response would be. 

You couldn’t say it yet. You couldn’t say it until you believed it yourself. It wasn’t fair to him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to utter the words back to him. Not yet. “I think so but I’m not sure. I am so scared of ruining everything Baek.”

“I’ll let you think some more, but I want you to know that for me it is about much more than sex now. So think about how you feel and ask yourself if you feel the way you feel about me with anyone else?” He tried his best not to sound deflated, but you didn’t miss the pang of hurt in his voice as he spoke. He’d just confessed to you and whilst you hadn’t rejected him, you hadn’t reciprocated his feelings. You felt overwhelmed. You needed to say something, but what? What could you possibly say when you weren’t ready to admit how you felt, when you were too terrified to ask for what you wanted.”

You had to say something. For him, you couldn’t just leave him with nothing. “I -”

He cut you off again, though this time it was probably out of fear that you would reject his confession. “Don’t answer now. Just think about it and we’ll talk later. Bye noona.” He hung up before you could attempt to speak again.

You hung your head in shame. Why couldn’t you just tell him? You didn’t realise you were crying until you felt a tear hit your hand. You sank to the floor and let yourself cry for a few minutes, too overwhelmed with emotion to even try to stop the tears from falling. You felt guilty for not being able to tell him how you felt, for feeling like you were toying with his heart. This sweet, funny and endearing man, who had been so good to you. When he needed you the most, you’d choked. You didn’t deserve the feelings he harboured for you, how could you if you couldn’t even respond to him. How could you be deserving of that love when you all but pushed him away. 

By some stroke of luck your eyes weren’t too red or puffy when you checked them before leaving your apartment. You really hoped your night didn’t end with you returning to this apartment to cry over a ruined relationship. There was only one way to find out, and in order to do that, you needed to walk out your front door and head upstairs.

***

“Alright, how did the meeting go?” Sehun broke the silence that was permeating the dinner table. Everyone had greeted you when you’d arrived, and made some small talk about their day. That felt strange. You’d never lacked for conversation with these men, but now they seemed to be walking on eggshells around you and you weren’t sure if it was because they were trying to protect themselves or you from where this evening went.

Regardless, you decided to put on a brave face and do your best to hear them out without breaking down. You felt exposed, fragile and breakable. But you pretended otherwise as best as you could. You just hoped they couldn’t see through the facade. “Really well. The feedback was all very positive and everyone agreed that I did an excellent job. Your CEO expressed his concerns about my boss and the managers suggesting that we be more personable but he agreed that the fact that we did that probably served as a catalyst for the success of the lessons.”

“That’s fantastic news!” Jongin said, far louder than he or anyone else at the table were prepared for. Everyone, Jongin included, jumped a little at his volume. He muttered a bashful apology afterwards, stating that he was just really happy for you.

You smiled at him. He was so very different to what the general public saw when he was onstage. He was soft spoken and endearing beyond words. “I’m also really grateful for the feedback you guys provided. I didn’t get a chance to say it before so I’ll say it now, thank you. Your words meant so much to me.” It was the honest truth. You had no idea that they would be asked for feedback about your work, and while they could have provided generic positive feedback they didn’t. Instead they provided in depth feedback about your abilities and how well you had worked with them. You would be forever grateful for the kind words contained in their feedback.

Kyungsoo decided to add to the conversation, his soft yet commanding voice cutting through your thoughts. “Bias aside, you earned that feedback. We did our best to only give the facts and not let our friendship cloud our opinions of you.”

“You cannot deny that we sucked at English before you noona.” Chanyeol quipped, laughing as he spoke.

Junmyeon looked personally attacked by his words. “Speak for yourself!”

“No, he’s right. We were bad at it.” Minseok laughed. “Like really fucking awful.”

Yixing pushed the food around on his plate with his chopsticks. “Anyway, uh, not to be pushy or anything but did you talk about what’s next for you?” He briefly locked eyes with you before diverting his gaze back to his plate.

“Yeah we did. Uh, they offered me another contract.” You saw all nine heads suddenly turn towards you and felt their gazes on you. “I do have to read over it and make sure it's fair but essentially they want to put me on contract for another 2 years. If EXO has schedules requiring English, then me teaching you takes priority over other groups, otherwise I’m free to work with any artists under the SM umbrella. Your CEO may assign me a group to work with, or managers may request my help. If no one requests then I’m kind of an in-house teacher/translator.”

Jongdae grinned. “I’m not going to lie, I’m glad they offered you more work, they would have been idiots not to, but it does mean you won’t be a stranger.”

Minseok was more hesitant as he spoke.“What are your thoughts on it, just based on the offer given you haven’t read it yet.”

You sat back in your chair, contemplating your response. “I’ve only had good experiences with SM so far, so the offer sounds good to me. I know a lot of the staff, I know the building, the resources, I know some of the artists, obviously I know all of you and work well with you. It feels like a good choice over starting anew elsewhere and hoping that I’m treated as well as I am here.” You smiled a little. “Plus, I get to see you guys if I’m still here, that’s a bonus.” 

A smile finally formed on Minseok’s face. “I know we may have come across a bit brash earlier but,”

“Oh don’t worry. I already had a copy sent to a lawyer to look over it, and I also made a request for a leave allotment to be added into the contract.” You cut him off, already guessing what he was referring to from the earlier flood of messages. “Once I read through it myself I’ll discuss it with my lawyer and make any other changes that need doing then return it to Mr. Kim to negotiate for me.”

The unanimous response that came from all of them was creepily synchronised. “Good.” 

You thanked all of them for their kind words again. “The contract won’t start for a few months, so until then I’m likely going to be freelancing. Mr. Kim has an idea of another group I can work with briefly before I become exclusive to SM. I think I’m going to take a couple of weeks off before committing to any of that though. I need some time to recalibrate.” 

“Uh I guess that brings us to the elephant in the room.” Junmyeon said.

You waved your hands in front of you, not sure you would ever be ready for this conversation, but after how well the contract renewal offer had just gone you were apprehensive about the ‘what are we’ conversation. “Oh, we really don’t have to talk about it yet. I only mentally unloaded on all of you last night so if you need to take more time before discussing with me, please do.”

He chuckled awkwardly. “That’s the funny thing I think. Without really realising it we have discussed it over the past few months as things progressed.”

“Oh.”

He straightened in his seat and looked directly at you. “Yeah. We kind of realised that last night when we started trying to discuss it.” He shifted, trying to get comfortable in his head. That was the only sign you had that he was equally as nervous about this conversation as you were. “I think we should each just speak for ourselves and then go from there?” He offered.

All you could do was nod. “That seems fair.” This was happening. You weren’t sure you were prepared for it, regardless of what they said. 

“As the leader I’ll go first.” He shifted again, this time his eyes looked everywhere but you as he spoke. “I, well, uh, I’ve actually just started seeing someone. It’s very early days but I really like her and want to pursue things with her. My parents introduced us and weirdly we kind of hit it off, which is not what usually happens when my parents play matchmaker.” 

You thought you’d feel sad at being told someone wasn’t romantically interested in you, because that’s what this was right? He was dating someone and he really liked them. But rather than feeling like you’d been stabbed in the heart you felt happy for him. “So at present, pursuing anything other than friendship with you isn’t something I’m interested in. I also think we work better as friends and don’t want to lose the relationship we’ve got. We did have the least amount of sexual interaction so I don’t think it will have any impact on our friendship moving forward.” Once he finished speaking he lifted his gaze to you, apprehensively since he wasn’t sure how you’d react, but he visibly relaxed when he saw you beaming at him. “As long as a potential relationship with another member or members doesn’t leave anyone unsatisfied from the start then I give my blessings.”

“Are we going in age order?” Sehun asked.

Chanyeol replied. “That’s boring, just go in seating order.” 

“Fine.” Sehun sighed, resigned to his fate of being the next to speak. “Noona, I cannot deny that my punishment was fun and that I experienced more than I ever thought I would. But for me it was never that deep I guess.” He shrugged. “The punishment/reward was an opportunity to explore some fantasies with no strings attached with a person who I trusted. I think I’d be a shitty boyfriend to you as well, I can barely take care of myself, and it wouldn’t be fair to you to put up with that burden. I’m not boyfriend material yet.” He wasn’t wrong about that. He always turned up unannounced, never read the room, stole all your chocolates and sulked if he wasn’t the centre of attention. Well, not always, but it happened more than it probably should. Maknae privileges. “However, I am excellent bestie material. So I’d like to remain a very good friend to you.” You’d been rejected as a romantic partner but once again, you didn’t feel sad. Sehun was an excellent friend to have. He loved chatting so he always had good gossip and he was so beloved that he could almost get away with murder. He smiled softly at you, hoping you weren’t disappointed in his choice. 

Kyungsoo took a sip from his glass of water before grounding himself and speaking. “There are circumstances where I could see myself truly falling for you. You have a lot of the qualities that I look for in a partner. But I have to be truly honest with myself, and if I do that then I have to say that right now, I am so insanely career driven - both with music and acting. It doesn’t leave much time to fit in a relationship in a way that is fair to either person.” Logical reasoning. You understood that, but much like you had forced yourself to do last night, you wondered where his heart lay in this. “Our reward was incredibly fun, and something I would do again in a heartbeat, but it would be with no strings attached. I value your friendship above everything else and I also think that whilst you put poly on the table as an option, and it is not something I’m opposed to, I can’t ignore the fact that Baekhyun clearly has feelings for you that run deeper than I originally thought. So I think it would be unfair to pursue anything with you to see if feelings develop when one of us is already carrying that torch for you.” 

You were shocked. Baekhyun barely even reacted to Kyungsoo’s words, something that unnerved you. You could feel him staring at you. Was he that obvious to them? Had he told them? Kyungsoo wanted to simply remain friends, and if he wasn’t so aware of how Baekhyun felt then he would have been fine to have a friends with benefits kind of situationship going on. You weren’t really sure what to do with that information. It was very flattering, but did you want to entertain someone who wasn’t sure if they had feelings for you? 

Too impatient to wait to see if you were going to respond to anything that had just been said, Jongin began speaking. “You have been one of my closest friends since the start. You looked after me when the guys were on tour while I was injured and we hung out so much. I think we bonded over fried chicken and movies.” He smiled fondly at the memory. “You were one of the first people that I’ve met since we debuted who wanted to know me for me, not for who I was as an idol. I agree with hyung, there is a future where I could see myself falling for you under the right circumstances, you’re kind of loveable like that noona, but I would trade that possibility in an instant for your friendship. It means the world to me. I also think there’s one of us who has real feelings for you and it makes me giddy to think of the two of you together.” Did he also mean Baekhyun or was there another member harbouring feelings for you?

The chair next to Jongin scraped on the floor as Jongdae tried to adjust his sitting position. If he’d been going to cool, calm and collected - he’d failed. He looked stressed beyond belief. Was it him? Did he have feelings for you? “Ok so, like the others I cannot deny how highly I value your friendship,” Ok so not him then. “or the fact that I am a person with two working eyes and have spent too much time around Baekhyun to not notice his feelings for you.” You glanced at Baekhyun who still seemed to be checked out of the conversation, even with his eyes locked on you. His gaze was somehow blank and intense at the same time. Did he not care what anyone else was saying about you? Was he really going to be that selfish? He said he wanted you to himself but did that mean that if anyone else at this table confessed that you’d have to reject both of them? Because if he was going to be this indifferent, especially when they kept talking about his feelings for you, then surely picking one person would only lead to a rift forming within the group. “All of that said, I’ve also kind of been seeing someone. And I like her, like a lot, like an insufferable amount. 

Minseok saw the opportunity to chime in. “He dreamt about having kids with her last night.” He smirked.

Jongdae looked mortified. “SHUT UP. Um, yeah. So that’s a thing and I just want my friend who I can ask questions to when I’m about to fuck everything up with my possible future wife. God I sound lame, I’m just going to stop talking now.” He sunk down in his chair, put his forehead on the table and banged it against the wood a few times. Minseok and a few others tried really hard not to laugh at him, but they failed miserably.

Chanyeol’s eyes darted around the table as he decided to try and pull focus from Jongdae, who appeared like he was waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. “I uh, yeah I’m not dating anyone per se, but I’m also not looking to be tied down in a relationship right now.” Sehun snorted. “God, I sound like such a fuckboy saying that, but I think you kind of awoke some sort of confidence in me and I just want to play the field.” You heard a muttered “And absolutely no one is surprised you moron.” from Kyungsoo and had to stifle a laugh as Chanyeol continued to speak. 

“I care for you a lot, and I know one of us cares deeply for you so I want to leave things with us as friends. You’re interesting and fun to be around, you’re competitive in silly games and aren’t a sore loser. Hah, I could probably learn a thing or two from you there. Anyway, yeah. That’s me done.” Again someone saying that another member had feelings for you, but not specifying who. So did he mean Baek or did Yixing or Minseok also harbour feelings for you?  You were surprised how at peace you felt with everyone only wanting friendship from you - so far. Kyungsoo admitting he’d fuck you again in a heartbeat had shocked you. That man was usually much more reserved than that. 

Yixing was sitting next to you so he turned to you as he spoke. “Ah my sweet lady. I like you a lot,” He took your hand, his thumb caressing the back of your palm gently. “and honestly if I let myself I could so easily fall for you, but I’m also a workaholic to a fault. I have such high ambitions and drive for myself that I tend to fill up every minute I’m not on a schedule with more work.” He laughed. “If it weren’t for these guys, I’d probably forget to sleep.” He paused and you felt the room somehow grow even quieter. What the fuck was he about to drop on you that everyone else this still? “I’m also headed back to China in a few weeks and, ah this sucks,” He hung his head, clearly upset about having to leave Korea again. “I don’t know when I’ll get to come back this time. The political climate has never been great between our two countries but right now it is really tense.” 

Ah, that explained the feeling in the room. He was leaving and no one knew when or if he would return. You felt sad. You were going to miss him a lot, as were the rest of the guys. He always worked too hard when he was away from the group because no one on his team in China seemed to grasp how hard he would work himself unless they forced him to stop and take a rest. You returned your attention to the man in front of you. He sighed sadly. “So I’m going back and working on music as a soloist, working on some acting projects and would hopefully be back next year for our new album, but it's all kind of up in the air. I couldn’t burden you with any of the long distance crap and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to even try to date and explore any feelings we may have when there would be such difficulty actually seeing each other. It will be a big enough strain on our friendship so whoever does end up dating you has my full support as long as they let me smother you with hugs when I return.” You were confused. His words made it seem like if it weren’t for returning to China, that he would want to date you, but he hadn’t said that he had feelings for you, just that he could see himself having feelings. Was it kind of like Kyungsoo’s situation? You let go of his hand as Chanyeol pulled him backwards into a big hug.

Minseok tapped you on the shoulder to get you to turn towards him. He smiled softly at you then took a deep breath. “Alright then.” He started. You knew he hated airing his business in front of others so regardless of what he was about to say, it was likely stressing him out. “Ah, well you and I probably had the most sex out of the group given the fuck buddy arrangement we’ve had going on. It was mostly stress relief and if we weren’t to have a physical relationship anymore, I don’t think it would drastically change our relationship. I value my movie nights with you over sex so ultimately I don’t want to lose my friendship with you. I trust you implicitly and we’ve both seen each other's ugly sides and haven’t run away from them. I could see circumstances where we pursue a romantic relationship, but like yourself, I haven’t really allowed my feelings to come into play so I’d be content just being your friend.” He glanced towards Baekhyun, who was staring at you. “Like the others, I also cannot ignore Baekhyun’s feelings towards you. I in no way want to come between what could be something beautiful between the two of you.”

Baekhyun doesn’t speak. He hasn’t said a word since you set foot in the dorm and he hasn’t averted his gaze from you the entire time. You could feel it boring into you while everyone spoke. He hadn’t said anything to correct anyone about his feelings for you and it seemed like he had no plans to speak in front of them either. You gave him a few moments to see if he was going to say anything, and noticed the way the others all looked towards him when he chose to remain silent.

You decided to respond to everyone else. Just because Baekhyun was choosing to be silent for the first time in his life didn’t mean it was fair to leave the eight other men in the lurch after they had all just told you how they felt. They needed to know how you were feeling about everything. “Well ok, this makes everything easier. After we spoke last night I did a lot more thinking about our relationships and where I wanted to stand with each of you. I came to the conclusion that your friendship means more to me than anything else and so with that, I was going to say that I think it is for the best that we don’t sleep together anymore. It kind of worked out well that all of you landed on that conclusion as well. Like some of you said, there are circumstances where I could see myself falling for you, but I’m also aware of how that would not be fair to explore, given everything. I love each of you in my own way, and I’m so happy that I get to keep my friends.” You could actually hear the en masse exhale that they let out once they heard you speak. They hadn’t hurt your feelings and everything was going to be ok. “The only thing I’ll ask, actually no - it’s more of a demand at this point - is that you stop being so awkward around me now. Things can go back to how they were, just don’t cross the line into being too inappropriate.”

They all laugh and agree, and just like that the strange tension that had surrounded the dorm disappears. However, one cloud of tension remains, concentrated solely around Baekhyun. He dropped his gaze when you’d spoken and hadn’t lifted it from the floor since. If anyone was worried about Baekhyun’s silence, they didn’t show it. You’d have to take him aside and speak with him soon enough. You’d promised to talk to him tonight. 

You continued to tell everyone how happy you were that they all wanted to remain friends with you, whilst also pressing Junmyeon and Jongdae for details about their dating life. You can practically see the hearts in their eyes when they talk about the new women in their lives and honestly, you couldn’t be happier for them. Poly was a fun idea to put on the table but it was never going to work long term for these guys. Logistically, emotionally or publicly. So it was for the best that none of you decided to venture down that path. 

Once everyone began to disperse you moved towards Baek and asked “Baek, can we speak privately?.” He shrugged but didn’t say no. He didn’t say anything. You walked towards his room and he followed you. You weren’t sure what the shift in him was from earlier this evening. Earlier he seemed like he wanted to date you, but now he wouldn’t even look at you and he looked so dejected and sullen, like he was fighting off tears. “Hey, Baek. Are you ok?” You asked. You wanted to reach out to comfort him but you weren’t sure if that would make matters worse. You had no idea what he was feeling.

He nodded in response, still not uttering a word. 

“Sweetie, you need to speak to me if you want me to believe you.”

“I’m just.” He sighed, “I guess I’m just struggling. Like of course I want to keep you as a friend, not having you in my life would be too hard, but I guess I was really hoping you’d work out your feelings for me as more than that.” He stared at the ceiling as he tried to remain calm but you could tell he was beginning to crack. “I know it wouldn’t be easy dating me, not because of who I am as a person, but because I’m an idol. Like we’d have to be secretive and couldn’t be all couply and go on normal dates like normal couples and maybe you don’t want to date someone who has to hide you. It’s just hard coz I realised all these feelings recently and now I’ve gotta reconcile with them and stuff them away. Which I will do, you are too important to me to not still be friends, but not gonna lie, it’ll be hard for me for a while I think.”

He just wanted to be friends now? But when he’d spoken to you earlier, he said he wanted so much more than that. You were so confused. “Baek, what are you on about?”

His head snapped back to stare at you incredulously. “What am I on about?!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated and hurt. “You just told all of us that you want to remain friends with us. After I told you about how I felt earlier. So I guess I am not doing great with the rejection ok?”

Oh. Oh. Oh no. He’d misunderstood horribly. You’d responded to the others because they’d spoken. None of what you said at the table was for him because he hadn’t spoken. “No, oh my god no, you’ve misunderstood.” 

He looked so hurt, close to breaking as he responded. “What?”

You tried to remain calm, hoping it would make him calm. “Baek, I want to remain friends with the eight of them. I didn’t want to announce my feelings for you in front of them because you weren’t speaking. I didn’t know if you’d told any of them how you felt or if they’d all just worked it out, but then you didn’t speak. You stared at me the entire time but then you said nothing.” You paused as you took a step closer to him. “Plus my confession should be for your ears only first.”

He staggered backwards, not at all prepared for the words you’d said. “Wait, what are you saying?”

You locked eyes with him and did not break eye contact as you spoke. You needed to be certain that he heard you loud and clear. You’d been too weak to say it earlier, even though you knew how you felt. He deserved to hear it hours ago, but you couldn’t turn back time, so hearing it now would have to do. “Byun Baekhyun, I like you, a lot. Way more than is healthy for me I think. I want you in my life, I want to have you as one of my closest friends but I also want so much more. I want to be able to hold you, flirt with you, do domestic as fuck things with you, date you in whatever capacity we can date. I know that won’t be easy, I’m not naive about the secrecy that dating would require but to me you’re worth it. I want all of you, and I don’t want to share my romance with anyone but you. I’m not against bedroom scenarios that involve guests but I want you and only you as the person I fall even further for.”

“Fuck.” He whispered.

“Yeah. I want to do a lot of that too. You have no idea, but this is supposed to be romantic, not a confession from a horny teenager.” You both laughed. “I don’t know when my feelings changed or if I’d just ignored the way I felt about you for a long time but once I sat down and thought about my options with all of you, and spoke very discreetly with my best friend back home, I realised how sad I was every time I thought of not being able to be anything other than a friend to you. For every other member I was fine with the prospect of just friendship, but with you, it made me inexplicably sad.”

“Are you sure? Because don’t get me wrong, I want this, but it would be stupid of me to not understand the reality of it. Like you said, we won’t be able to go out on dates like a normal couple. We would have to be so careful. So unbelievably careful.” He paused as he took a couple of steps towards you, closing the distance between the two of you. “I think at this point a dating scandal wouldn’t ruin my career nor would it ruin EXO, but I’d be so worried about you.” He reached out to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his hand lightly resting on your cheek afterwards. His eyes shone bright with emotion. He cared so much about you. “People can be so cruel, and I don’t want to see you hurt by their words should anything leak.”

You placed your hand over his, your eyes glistening with emotion. You knew his feelings for you, and he knew how you felt about him yet he still took the time to worry when he could be kissing you. “I don’t know that there is any way to prepare for the hate that would come my way if something got out about us, but I think that unless there was evidence of us in some compromising position it would be easy for SM to deny the rumours. In some ways working for the company and with the group allows for us to be seen together. We’d just have to keep things very work oriented when we aren’t in the safety of our homes.”

Baekhyun let out a shuddering breath. “I’m, fuck, why am I scared?”

You smiled. “Because. We really like each other. Fear is natural when you have something to lose but I think that just means trying to hang on to that special thing, or person in this instance, is worth anything that could be thrown at us. I’d like to think you wouldn’t just abandon me the moment a rumour comes out.”

He shook his head instantly. “I wouldn’t. I promise.”

“Then yeah, I’m all in on trying this thing. You and I. Exclusive. Together.”

His eyes widened at your words, like he still couldn’t quite believe this was happening. All the bravado you’d seen throughout the rest of your relationship with him was gone. The man who stood before you now was Baekhyun stripped bare. He was beautiful, inside and out. You don’t know how you denied yourself these feelings for so long, but if you continued to do so the sheer weight of what you felt might just consume you. “Is this really happening?” He asked.

“It is if you agree to it.” You replied. You stared up at him as you waited for him to accept your feelings and close the gap between you.

He leant in. “I can’t believe you actually like me. Didn’t you once say I was the most annoying person in the world?” He whispered. He was so close you could feel the ghost of the movement of his lips as he spoke.

“Maybe you’ll be less annoying if I get to call you mine.” Did he expect you to kiss him? Was he waiting for you to make the first move like you were waiting for him to do? 

“Oh. No. That’s where you’re wrong.” He smiled against your lips, the sensation of them touching but not kissing you was driving you insane. “I will be even more annoying if I’m yours.” His hand moved from your cheek to the back of your head, holding you in place.

“Still a risk I’m willing to take.” Baekhyun’s fingers tightened against your neck, stretching up into the edges of your hairline. He felt like he was trying to bring his own body as close to yours as possible. 

You waited for him to agree to date you, but he kept seemingly dodging a response. It was beginning to make your anxiety spike. What if he really liked you, admitted his feelings, yet still did not want to date you? Could you handle that? You didn’t think you could, not after laying your heart on the table for him like that. “Baek?” You asked.

“Yeah?” He replied as his free hand snaked around your waist, pressing your bodies against each other. You could feel your heart hammering in your chest as your breath hitched. 

“Please don’t leave me hanging.” You pleaded. You needed to hear him say it now that he knew how you felt. You felt light headed, and like your knees might buckle.

“What?” He sounded confused. The butterflies in your stomach felt like they were caught in a hurricane for how tingly you felt.

“I’ve told you what I want, confessed my feelings to you. B-but, you. You haven’t -” You struggled to get the words out.

He must have realised what you were trying to say as his grip on you tightened. “Fuck! Sorry noona, shit. I want to date the hell out of you.” You could feel how hard he was miling against your mouth as he spoke. “I’m excited for all the silly domestic things we can do. I want to buy couple pyjamas for us. I want to smother you with kisses and affection as much as I can when we are alone. If I don’t, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle my shit in public. I’m scared. I’m so so soooo happy, also a bit horny but that’s nothing new, mostly I’m just waiting to wake up from this dream.” You could feel yourself tremble, all the pent-up anxiety and fear and self-loathing having no other way to exit your body. The physical manifestation of the nerves wasn’t something you could control.

“Well could you hurry up and kiss me then?”

“Gladly.” Baekhyun closed the nonexistent gap between you as he pressed his lips against yours. The kiss started out softly, carefully and full of what could be referred to as love. He was kissing you with all the pent up emotion that he was now allowed to set free. You’d never been kissed like this before. Never been kissed in such a way where you could feel the emotion being poured into you. You felt desperate for him. It felt so good.

Baekhyun pressed harder against you as he kissed away all of your worries and doubts. You could feel how much he wanted you, more than just sexually, as his tongue swept across your lips, requesting entrance. You granted it readily, equally needing to devour him and reciprocate how you felt about him through the kiss. The raging butterflies in your stomach had morphed into tingling sensations that fluttered across every nerve ending. 

He pulled back just enough to cradle your face in his hands as he gazed at you with so much affection that you felt like you might combust. “I feel like I’ve gone crazy,” he chucked. “He didn’t allow you space to speak before jumping in to continue kissing you. 

You continued to kiss and hold each other for a while, trying to make up for lost time as you attempted to express every emotion via kisses. Some soft and loving, others rough and demanding. It’s you who pulled away the next time, as you both tried to catch your respective breaths. “We should tell the others.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, and then can we please go to your apartment? I just want to spend time with you. I don’t care if we just hold each other and make out or if we do more, I just want to be close to you.”

“That sounds perfect to me.” You pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before you grabbed his hand. “Let’s go before we change our minds and they find us in here.” 

The two of you headed back out towards the living area hand in hand. The others all appeared to be caught up in various discussions but they stop once someone notices yours and Baekhyun’s intertwined hands. Baekhyun cleared his throat, unable to keep the smile off his face as he exclaimed. “We’re dating, and I hope all of you can be happy for us because, speaking for myself here, I’m really happy right now. I thought I’d lost her earlier tonight but as usual I misunderstood.” He smiled down at you. “Thank fuck it was a misunderstanding, otherwise all of you would be dealing with me being mopey and heartbroken.” 

One by one the members got up and came forward to embrace the two of you. You were over the moon with the outcome from this evening. You’d secured a new contract, didn’t have to move companies, got to keep some of the best friends you’d ever had and gained a boyfriend. Pretty productive night if you said so yourself. However, you couldn’t help but notice that neither Minseok or Kyungsoo had approached the two of you since Baekhyun’s announcement.

In fact, neither of them were even in the room. Suddenly the lights dimmed and the two missing members entered the room, holding a cake. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday. What was the cake for? As they got closer you heard the other members giggling and grew suspicious. Any of these men giggling was never a good sign. Finally the cake came into view as the two of them stood before you and Baekhyun. “Yah!” Baekhyun laughed as he tried his hardest to sound mad. “Did you fucking plan this?!”

“Dude, you could not have been more obvious in your affections as far as we were concerned. “Kyungsoo deadpanned. “After we all talked last night it became pretty obvious that none of us felt the same way you did, and whilst some of us could see ourselves reaching that point, we weren’t there now. We were always expecting you to confess, and well, noona, you were always closer to Baek than any of us. There was always something brewing under the surface there so we had faith that you’d reciprocate his feelings. So we figured baking a cake for the occasion was a sure bet.” 

“You did have us worried when you didn’t say a single word at the table but I’m glad to see it all worked out. We did change the message on the cake just in case you hadn’t confessed to each other by the time you came back out of the room.” Minseok smirked. You finally diverted your gaze to the cake. And laughed. You laughed so hard that you struggled to breathe.

Hurry up and confess to each other so we can celebrate.

“This was your amendment?!” You managed to splutter in between laughs.

Kyungsoo grinned. “Yeah. The original message said Congratulations on realising your feelings.” 

“I hate all of you, just so you know.” Baekhyun grumbled, though it was not even remotely convincing what with the huge smile on his face.

“You love us.” Minseok said. “And we’re very happy for you.”

“Now eat the damn cake. I baked it with love.” Kyungsoo said as he thrust the cake towards the two of you.

“You baked for us?” You asked as you smiled.

“Of course I did. I’d only let the others bake if I wanted you to be poisoned. I don’t know how he’d manage it but Junmyeon could give you food poisoning even if all the ingredients were in date. What do you take me for, a monster?” He replied, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

***

After the cake had been eaten,you and Baekhyun decided that it was time to take your leave and head down to your apartment for the night.  You made your way around the room to bid each of the members goodnight, and to give each of them a warm hug. You held Yixing extra tight, promising to come have a movie day with him before he had to return to China. You also made him promise to schedule video calls with you so you could keep in touch. He swore that we would and you planned to hold him to that promise.

Minseok walked the two of you to the door. The three of you chatted easily as you and Baekhyun put your shoes on. You were enveloped in a strong embrace as Minseok held you and told Baekhyun to take good care of you because you now had eight friends who would gut him if he hurt you. The weight of his words was diminished when he posed the exact same threat to you. Baekhyun laughed at his protective hyung, cooing at how cute he was for threatening the two of you. 

He didn’t let go of you as he reached out to playfully slap Baekhyun. To his credit, Baekhyun let the two of you have your moment as he watched you both silently. 

You should have known better. Silence and Baekhyun were never a good mix. “So what if I want Minseok to join in every now and again?” He said as though he was talking about the weather.

“What?!” You both spluttered.

Baekhyun shrugged. “Noona, Hyung, you should see your faces.” He giggled. “I’m only half kidding though.”

“Yeah, you are going to have to say more than that dude.” Minseok groaned.

Baekhyun smiled at both of you. “I don’t know about either of you, but if I had to take a wild guess - we all had a better than good time during hyung’s reward. I’m just not opposed to something like that happening again, obviously not a frequent thing, but yeah. I’m sure you are more than capable of taking charge in the bedroom noona but it was really fucking hot watching both of you and being told what to do. So uh, yeah, just saying I’m happy to leave that door open for a future session.”

“Baek, you can’t just say things like that as though it's normal conversation.” You replied.

“What made you decide to bring that up now of all times?” Minseok asked as you spoke.

“To answer noona - Is that a no to my idea then? Coz like, that’s also fine. To answer hyung - I was reminded of it when the two of you were hugging.”

Minseok shook his head at the younger man. “You’re fucking weird dude.” 

“You like it.” Baekhyun quipped.

“I don’t dislike it.” He agreed. “Look, I’m down as long as it doesn’t become weird. It was fun, it was deeply satisfying and it was hot, but not something I’d be willing to ruin our friendships over.” 

You finally found some words, not quite believing where the night had taken you. “I feel the same. So uh, I guess at such a time when we want to involve a third, we know who to call…”

“This cannot be my life.” Minseok shook his head in disbelief and pointed towards the door. “Can you two leave already so I don’t get sprung with any more headache inducing conversation topics?”

Baekhyun grabbed your hand and led you through the door. “Let’s go angel.”

You were content, more than content as you stepped across the threshold with Baekhyun, who was now your boyfriend, you supposed. You’d have to discuss labels later. You wanted to spend the entire night in his arms, and like him you did not care if that was while you watched movies, played games, talked, or expressed your feelings for each other in a much more physical manner. All you knew was you felt right, you felt loved and cherished and you felt like you were in a state of utter bliss. 

A/N: Thank you if you've stuck with me over the course of the past 7 years. I simply don't have the words to express my gratitude to everyone who made it to this point of my lil fic. Well it was supposed to be little. It was supposed to be 9 chapter of pwp and only take me a couple of months to write but then all of this happened. I grew as a writer through this fic and explored different aspects of what I could write. I'm proud of this fic and glad that it didn't become another one of those unfinished fics on the internet.

It would mean the world to me if you could leave a comment. I love you all.

[exo-archivist]

I Have a (few) question(s) for Exol.

I'm genuinely curious as to the answers, so if you see this could you please do me the favour of signal boosting this so it reaches more people?

I see posts circulating now and again about lack of interaction on fandom creation posts. No one reblogs. No one comments. But I never see anyone asking why. Is it simply a matter of being in the middle of an etiquette shift? Is it crossplanted members of social media communities having different social norms? Has the way people use Tumblr shifted? Speculation only goes so far so to better understand what I'd like to know is the following:

How long have you been on Tumblr? Any fandom not just Exo.

What is your take on fan created works on Tumblr and interacting with them?

Do you have a process for what goes on your blog? How do you find most of the posts you reblog? Through the dash? Through the tags?

Do you spend time on other platforms? Have you in the past?

How do you interact with fan creations on these other platforms? Do you like comment or share? Do you re-tweet? Etc.

When was the last fic of any length (drabble and blurbs and headcanons/reactions included) you read? Last time you saw fanart (including edits and moodboards and graphics) you enjoyed?

Did you reblog it?

If yes you did reblog did you say anything about it? Simple or otherwise? Leave a gif underneath that expressed how you felt? Put a comment in the tags? Left an emoji? Etc.

If you didn't leave commentary was there a reason? Do you feel like you start to repeat yourself when commenting? Do you think there's nothing to say? Were you following the adage if you cant say something nice dont say anything at all? Other reasons?

If no you did not reblog why? Is there a specific reason? Did you not like it and not want to say? Does it not fit your blog? Was it not a length or level of skill you felt warranted a reblog? Have your friends already seen it? Do you only post your own creations? Other reasons?

For our fan creators I have an extra question. Do you reply to your comments? Even if they're in the tags?

If no is there a reason?

Please take a moment and share your answers cause I'm trying to understand where things shifted from what they were before to now.

[hellohailu]

☽ under the moon, we collide ☾

㊐ one : collision ㊊

SUMMARY │Born and raised in a small isolated village, Ajla has never had any reason to question the beliefs and traditions she was raised to follow. Yet, on the most important day of her young life, a chance encounter with a traveler from the outside sparks a strange and haunting vision. Torn between her devotion to her village and finding the answers to her questions, Ajla must now decide the path she wants to walk.

PAIRING │Jongdae 종대 / Original Female Character

RATING │ T [SFW]

GENRE │ Fantasy!AU, Mythology!AU

LENGTH │ 7,089 words

NETWORK │ @exols-silver-christmas

MANY THANKS TO │ my two extraordinary betas, L. and C. I couldn't have done it without you !

AUTHOR'S NOTE │ This story was written for Ju (@breeze-of-sunlight) for the 2024 EXO-L Secret Santa event ! It is cut into three parts ; the remaining two will be posted sometime in the beginning of next year. This is my first story, so likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated ! ∼ Hailu

BEFORE YOU READ │ One of my original characters [Luan] has a name that is very similar to the name of an ex EXO member [Luhan]. Please keep in mind that these characters are not the same person ! While Luhan might end up mentioned in the other parts, Luan has a much more central role in the story and is bound to appear quite often.

Click here to listen to the little playlist I made for this story.

Grandmother once told me that this land was not always ours. It seems hard to believe, seeing how well acclimated we are to the mild weather and gentle winds of this place. Our people have lived here for a very long time: I was born and have grown up here, in this little village, as was Grandmother. The stories she tells, about foreign grounds and harder times, she learned from her own grandfather, a stern warrior who came here from the North with a few hundred others to seek shelter in a more welcoming land.

I am not sure what became of the people that were calling this place their home before we did. Grandmother said they were a peaceful kind, with strange customs and even stranger gods. I heard, most of them left, and the remaining ones adopted our traditions and practices. Eventually, our culture was the only one to remain.

A long time has passed since then, and our Holy One has allowed us to prosper and live in peace. Of all the villages my people have established in this region, I live in the smallest. Our numbers hardly reach a hundred souls, and I know that on this day, each and every one of them is going to attend the ceremony. It takes place every three years, in midsummer. On the day of the second full moon of the season, we can finally reap the fruits of our yearly labour. As a sign of devotion to our Holy One, every daughter who is at least twenty springs of age ought to enter adulthood through an entire week of uninterrupted prayer, after which she will finally be considered adult enough to marry and bear children.

“Ouch !” I say, reaching up to massage the part of my head where Mother has pulled my hair a little too hard. I stop right in my tracks when I hear a disapproving sound behind me.

“Don’t be a child, Ajla,” she sighs. I lower my hand, my scalp still throbbing. “Why is your hair always so tangled ?”

In a sudden moment of realisation, she grabs my shoulders and makes me turn around so I can meet her eyes. I instantly lower them to the ground, as I almost always do.

“You untied it for the night, didn’t you ?”

“I just… it was pulled too tight, I couldn’t sleep,” I tentatively try.

“Remember Ajla, the Holy One despises the arrogant and the vain. I should have cut your hair a long time ago,” she lets an exasperated sigh escape her. “We don’t have time now, we still have to help with the preparations for the ceremony and go get your prayer dress for tonight.” She finishes brushing my long messy blond hair in a hurry, and then braids it into a tight updo at the base of my neck. I hold back a wince at the harsh treatment she gives to my head.

“It is good you got a little sleep nonetheless. You’ll need all the energy you can get for the Prayer. Our Holy One will test your strength in a way you have never experienced before. You’ll never be quite the same after you come out of the Sanctuary, Ajla. It was the same for me.”

I listen silently. It is the first time Mother talks about how hard of a trial the Prayer can be. She is a stern woman, hardened by the trials of life, but she likes to talk about the Holy One, and she reveres Him in a way I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to understand. Our whole community, myself included, is very devoted to our divinity, but Mother believes in His power with her whole heart. She says, her faith in the Holy One is what gives her strength.

I know what the Prayer entails, everybody does, but the gap between knowledge and experience can sometimes prove to be dangerous. An entire week of prayer, locked in a small room with only enough food to keep us alive. It is complete isolation, no contact to the outside world allowed. The Prayer is supposed to test our faith and devotion to the Holy One, and no one is allowed to interrupt. Not that there would even be a possibility to interrupt, as the opening of the praying rooms get nailed shut to ensure nothing will distract the participants.

“Get dressed, we’re going to the storehouse first,” Mother says before leaving me alone in the room. I sigh, and walk towards a small hook attached to the wall. The women of our village must always walk around with their body covered to maintain modesty : for that reason, it is common that we wear a flowy upper garment on top of our dresses, that we call “kiva”. Mine is long enough for the sleeves to almost reach my fingertips. As is tradition, it also has a hood so I am able to properly cover my hair. Father mentioned once, that showing my body too much would only bring me dishonour, that what I was hiding was to only be shown inside of my home in the presence of my close family and, when I am wed, of my husband. That this was the Holy One’s will. Sometimes, I wonder if we do the things we do for the Holy One, or for the sake of some old traditions that have existed since long before my birth.

After making sure my kiva is on correctly, its hood held in place with pins in my hair, I join Mother, who is waiting for me at the doorstep. In a few short weeks, summer will yield to autumn ; the days will become shorter and the leaves will turn orange and yellow. Right now though, the heat, if not quite stifling, is still well present. We start walking slowly towards the storehouse, where we keep all our food, and apart from the bustle of the final ceremony preparations, this day feels like any other summer day.

Yet, when my eyes land on a small stall filled with strange items and foreign designs, I understand that something about today will be different from usual. Today will bring change.

They look different, misplaced in this little village of mine that is not accustomed to receiving visits from foreigners. They are dressed in various colours, some bright and some dark, a stark contrast to the sea of cream and brown coloured clothes that my people commonly wear.

I see a middle-aged woman smile gently at the passersby, showing a few of them the items she is selling. She does not look like me, or any of my people, but I find her utterly beautiful. Her hair is long and dark, draping over her shoulders in messy curls, and she’s wearing a strange embroidered headband. Her long tunic is a deep red colour and decorated at the seams with patterns I have never seen before, leaving part of her shoulders bare, exposing golden, sun kissed skin. It is a couple tones darker than my own, my kiva perpetually keeping it hidden from sun and moon alike. Her eyes all of a sudden find mine, and she smiles at me from where she stands, behind her stall. I look at her curiously, and find myself wanting to smile back.

It is at this moment that I feel Mother’s hand on my back, urging me forward. She takes her place at my other side, positioning herself between the woman and me, blocking my view.

“Do not talk to them, Ajla. I forbid you to even look at them, do you hear me ?” she whispers, her tone serious and authoritative.

“Why so, Mother ? We do not see foreigners very often and–”

“And it is best that way. They are heretics, Ajla. They are not like us.”

I can sense from the tone of her voice that she will not accept any more discussion about the travellers, so I stay quiet and we walk the rest of the way in silence. The storehouse is always a flurry of activity, especially during harvest season. My people mainly thrive thanks to the fruits and vegetables we grow within the walls of the village. While we sometimes eat meat from the small animals we raise, we no longer hunt like our ancestors did. Seeking larger prey would mean stepping a foot in the forest, and the woods are dark and scary, the foliage of the trees thick enough that it is not possible to see the sun from the ground. I have never left the village – Father says, it is best I stay where I belong, in the safety of the walls that have seen me grow – but I heard rumours once, about how the forest and the mountain are places that the Holy One cannot reach.

My thoughts are interrupted by the rumpus of men and women in the storehouse, gossiping loudly as they wash the produce we harvested a few days ago so it can be prepared in the kitchens. Had today been any other day, the presence of foreigners in the village would have surely caused a commotion, but everyone seems to have forgotten them now that the Prayer is approaching.

“Mother ! Ajla ! Over here !” my brother yells, waving his long arms to catch our attention from the very back of the room.

I shouldn’t feel this way, but it breaks my heart just a little to see Mother’s face instantly break out into a bright smile. I have no memories of her ever looking at me with that same affection in her eyes. I had an older brother once, who was Mother’s pride and joy. She was never quite the same after his sudden death at the age of six, brought on by a feat of uncontrollable fever. She cried for years, prayed for days on end, tried everything in her power to give birth to a second son. I can barely remember his face, but I’ll never forget Mother’s tears. In hindsight, I think a part of her died with Adem. Luan was the one that gave her a new breath after three long years of mourning her lost child. And then there is I, Ajla, always stuck in the middle, between Adem’s memory and Luan’s sweet smile, neither truly seen nor completely invisible.

For the next couple of hours, I help with whatever needs to be prepared. It’s hot inside the storehouse, and the effort starts to make me sweat, my kiva keeping my arms and my hair covered not helping with the afternoon heat. Luan’s chatter is a welcome distraction from my thoughts of family, faith and foreigners, even though I still feel nervous about the upcoming ceremony and Prayer. When he asks a question excitedly, I turn and smile at him, answering with as much liveliness as I can muster. He does not seem to pick up on my thoughts and somewhat sour mood, and I thank the Holy One for that. My little brother just turned twenty summers old, and by the time the next ceremony takes place, he’ll be aged enough to be married. Luan has always been adored and doted on by the whole family, including me, and despite his tall stature and long limbs, childlike features still linger on his face, giving him an uncanny resemblance to the older brother that he has never known. For that reason, and to Luan’s dismay, Mother has a hard time letting him out of her sight.

I stop working when I feel the gentle press of a hand on my shoulder. The girl looking at me is dressed in a similar fashion, with a long dress and cream-coloured kiva to match. Under her hood, her hair is some shade of blond, a characteristic shared by many of our people, though her striking grey eyes are a little unusual. She takes my wrist in her hand and smiles warmly. After hours of working here, it seems we are both ready to escape the storehouse mission we’ve been given. We just need to ask for permission first.

“Master, it is getting late and both Ajla and I still need to stop by the tailoress’ shop. I was planning to go now, would you mind if we go together ?” Ema asks, her gaze low. Father is not a bad man, but he is tall and intimidating, and even though Luan is growing up to share most of his traits, I hope he retains the gentleness that has characterised him since he was a baby.

“Rona, didn’t you want to go with our daughter?” Father asks his wife.

“I… I was planning to, but she might as well go now. We have work here still,” she says, and I would be lying if I said I am not a little glad to finally have a chaperone my age.

Luan smiles at my friend. “They will also not be able to see each other again until after the ceremony, so it’s important to enjoy each other’s company now. Right, Ema ?” he smiles at my friend. His back is turned to our parents, and his teasing wink is lost to them. Ema’s cheeks redden, but she nods politely.

Father looks at my brother and accepts without too much of a fight. Other than the fact that Luan has had our parents wrapped around his little finger since his birth, he also has the advantage of being male, which the Holy One has decided would be the stronger and wiser gender. His support is precious, even if we soon will be wed and not part of the same household anymore. Ema and I leave the storehouse, and though the walk to the tailoress’ shop is short, it is filled with excited ramblings from my friend, who seems to be in a vastly different mood than I.

“I can’t wait to prove myself to our Holy One,” she says, and I look at her a bit perplexed.

“Aren’t you scared ? That you are not going to hold up with so little food and rest ?”

“Well, there aren't really any alternatives, are there ? And then we’ll be out, and we’ll finally be able to get married !” She exclaims. “Do you have anyone in mind ?”

It wouldn't matter in the end, the decision is not ours, just like it had not been my parents’ choice to be wed. But I know that Ema is already aware of that fact, and I do not want to crush her spirits. This casual banter feels somewhat good.

“I do not,” I say truthfully. “What about you ?”

“Oh– um, yes, I actually do, you know, have someone in mind,” Ema answers, her face becoming redder by the minute.

I smile to myself. It’s Luan. My friend thinks she's good at hiding her fancy of my little brother, but I am convinced that everybody, including Luan himself, knows about it. I hope the people of my community will take Ema and Luan’s wishes into account when making their decisions. I hope they choose someone good for me, too.

Ema and I were never really close until a few years ago, around the time of the last ceremony. To participate in the Prayer, all girls must be aged of at least twenty springs, but I was born at the very end of the summer, making me half a season too young at the time. Ema was born in the autumn a couple weeks after me, and we both bonded over the knowledge that when our Prayer would come around, we would be the oldest participants.

The shop is small, but peaceful. The business used to be held by a man, until his death a decade ago. His wife has taken over the affairs of the shop since then, handling the business with an iron hand and a heart of gold. Everybody in the village likes Nona, but I like to think she and I have a closer bond. She was Grandmother’s dearest friend, and talking to Nona feels a lot like it used to feel talking to her.

I see the old woman at the back of the room, adjusting a big piece of ivory-coloured cloth. She smiles instantly when we greet her, the curve of her lips accentuating all the wrinkles on her face. Her hair is covered, like mine and Ema’s, but I can see a hint of grey where her hood is a little misplaced on her head.

“Look who’s here ! Aren’t these girls a little late ? Everybody else has collected their dresses already,” Nona says, with a tiny hint of disapproval in her voice. Nonetheless, she heads for the backroom and comes back only a minute later, carrying in her arms two identical outfits.

The shape and looks of the ceremonial outfits never change from one ceremony to another. Year after year, they stay the same simple flowy dress and kiva, and are not decorated with any patterns or symbols. They look very similar to our daily clothes, except for their colour, an almost blinding whiteness, that is meant to represent the participants’ purity, both moral and physical. I have seen this dress on so many girls, yet it’s still hard to realise that in just a few hours, I will be the one wearing it.

“They’re beautiful,” Ema gasps next to me, taking her outfit in her arms with the utmost care, as if it was some fragile thing going to break. This dress has meaning for my people, as the ceremony dates back to long before most of my ancestors were born. It is stunning, and one of the most beautiful pieces of clothing that I will ever wear. Yet, I am not sure how to react, as the weight of what such a garment means slowly but surely crashes on me. Feeling Nona’s gaze on me, I settle for thanking her for her hard work. She gives me a carefully guarded smile.

“You remind me so much of your grandmother,” she says fondly, with a hint of melancholy in her voice. “She was scared too.”

“I– I’m not scared, Nona” I stutter, a little panicked that she would doubt my faith in our Holy One, that I would dare be frightened by the prospect of honouring Him.

“Oh but you are, Ajla. We all are, before we step foot in the Sanctuary. And then we endure ; the hunger, the weariness and the weight of the confessions we make. You’ll learn to endure too. In the Prayer and in life, you’ll endure.”

She slowly grabs my hand and takes something out of her kiva’s pocket to put it in my palm. It's a white handkerchief, embroidered with beautiful pink flowers, a rarity in my community, where clothes are plain and neutral in colours.

“This belonged to your grandmother. She got it from her own mother. She was wearing it on her wrist when she did her Prayer. She wanted you to have it. Her only granddaughter. She wanted you to find your way, for our Holy One to give you strength.”

Even though it is not written in law that the participants to the Prayer must not have any additional garment or accessory, it is not conventional enough that Grandmother thought it would be safe to give me her handkerchief through my parents when my time came. I am not surprised ; for all the love Grandmother had for her culture, her people and her customs, she always found Mother, her daughter-in-law, to be a little too stern.

I thank Nona profusely, and part ways with Ema in front of the shop. We both have to return home now, and we live on opposite sides of the village. I walk slowly, as if getting home later was going to push back the time of the ceremony. With both hands busy holding my dress high in my arms to avoid creating creases, I can only lightly grasp the handkerchief with the tips of my fingers. The sun will set in a couple hours and the heat of the early afternoon is long gone, replaced by steady winds.

I gasp when Grandmother’s handkerchief slips from my fingers, stolen away by a gust of air, and I hurry past surprised passersby, trying to catch up with it as it dances further and further away from me. It seems as if the winds are having fun playing with something I hold so dear to my heart. The delicate piece of cloth swirls around, as light as a feather. Each time I come close to it, the handkerchief starts its crazy escape again, seemingly mocking me.

Eventually, it slips under a table filled with goods on sale, and one of the merchants bends down to pick it up. I stop right in my tracks. Grandmother’s handkerchief is in the hands of one of the foreigners I saw earlier on my way to the storehouse with Mother. I am still a good distance from them, but he’s undoubtedly male. The heretic cradles the cloth in his palms like it's some fragile treasure, and seems to gently brush some dust off of it before raising his head and starts looking around, obviously searching for the owner. Searching for me.

Flustered and still out of breath, I duck behind a nearby wall, a hand on my chest to calm my racing heart. What shall I do now ? Mother said not to talk to them, she even forbade me to get too close. I should let it go, pass them by without sparing a glance in their direction.

On the other hand, I do not wish to let go of the only thing Grandmother has left me. She said it would help me, she said it would bring me strength. Besides, what could happen if I just asked for it ? Surely the stranger will give it back ? I just have to make it quick, so Mother will not see me if she returns from the storehouse earlier than planned. Yes, that is what I should do. What Mother does not know, can not upset her.

I fold my uniform in my arms, forgetting all about not making any creases, and start to make my way over to the stall, with an assurance that is not quite authentic. It is not the first time I see travelers, but it is the first time Mother has explicitly forbidden me to talk to them, her earlier words of distrust engraved in my mind. It is obvious that they do not worship the Holy One ; as otherwise their women would not show their arms and their hair so openly. They could be dangerous, but our numbers outweigh theirs and we are in the heart of the village. The day of the ceremony is the best to trade and sell goods. There is a crowd in the streets, all the shops are open. Nothing can go wrong.

The heretic calmly watches me get closer, his gaze fixed on me. I stop right before the stall, a table filled with various colourful items, the only thing separating us. Up close, I am able to see him better ; he looks about my age, maybe a little older. Unlike Father or Luan, he is not very tall or imposing, only outsizing me by half a head. Like the other foreigners, he is wearing an embroidered headband, the piece partially hidden under loosely curled hair the darkest shade of brown I have ever seen. Though all headbands have similarities in design, patterns and colours differ, making each piece completely unique. He is dressed in a simple blue tunic that is creased and folded all over, and closed at the shoulders by two pins, allowing whoever is looking to see his entire arms.

Busy as I am staring at the man in front of me, I realise a minute too late that he is examining me as well, the shadow of a cheeky smile tugging at the upturned corners of his lips. Not wanting to spend more time than I must in the presence of the stranger, I extend my arm towards him, palm upturned.

“I have lost my handkerchief. I would like to have it back,” I try. He keeps looking at me with the same expression on his face, and I wonder for a moment if we speak the same language. “Please ?” I add tentatively. “Um, it seems like the winds were mocking me, making me run around like that after a stupid cloth,” I explain, conveniently forgetting to mention how dear said stupid cloth is to my heart.

This time, the foreigner’s mouth stretches into a gentle, full-blown smile that reaches his brown eyes, and I wonder for a moment what could be so funny.

When the young man before me starts speaking, he sounds strong and powerful, although not unkind. He has a very light accent I can not quite place. “The winds are mischievous, they love to play. They love to make people dance.”

I still, astounded. I was not prepared for that answer, and I do not know quite how to respond. In the end, I decide to let the conversation run its – hopefully short – course.

“Yes, um, I… guess they do ?” I whisper. “I am not sure I liked this dance very much though.”

“They’re nice enough, once you learn to know them,” he says, smiling brightly as if he did not just talk about the winds as if they were living and breathing. He’s mad. He’s mad, and my handkerchief is still in his hand.

The young man must sense my increasing discomfort, because he lowers his head. Once free from his dark gaze, I slowly exhale a breath I did not realise I was holding. The stranger absently traces the pink flowers embroidered on Grandmother’s handkerchief with his thumb.

“This is very fine and delicate work. The person who made it is very talented. Were you the one who embroidered this cloth ?” he asks.

“I– no, it is very old. It belonged to my grandmother, and to her own ancestors before that,” I finally admit.

“Then it must be very dear to you ?”

“It is,” I simply say.

“Then I’ll give it back. Here,” he says, extending his own arm, the cloth in his hand. 

He has nice hands. They are not very big, and they are more calloused than mine, but he has long and slender fingers. His nails are clean and clipped short. He’s wearing several bracelets, some of them made out of colourful threads knotted together, and some thin circles of golden metal that glint in the late afternoon sunlight. None of my people wear jewellery, or any decorative adornments for that matter. Showcasing one’s beauty is to bask in vanity, and the Holy One does not like vanity.

I frown when I notice tiny markings on the arm he’s extended towards me. Scars ? No, not scars. It’s a tattoo. A tattoo made with white ink and barely visible on his skin despite his tan. Fascinated, I let my eyes run along the length of his arm. The patterns and symbols extend from the back of his hand to the crook of his neck, swirling and intertwining delicately around his wrist and his elbow. I stop staring when I hear the man clear his throat. I close my eyes and chastise myself. I can almost hear Mother and her stern voice at the back of my head. Ogling a man – an impure heretic – like that, you should be ashamed !

“Thank you,” I finally whisper, finding nothing else to say. Our arms are both extended, as if waiting for the other to cave in and get closer first. In the end, eager for this conversation to end, I sigh and take the handkerchief in his hand, my fingers brushing his for the shortest of moments.

Time seems to slow and speed up at the same time, and I feel slightly nauseous. I close my eyes, overwhelmed, as sound surrounds me, making my ears ring painfully. Why is the world so loud all of a sudden ? After the first few seconds, I get used to the noise and notice a voice in the chaos of sounds. Sometimes, it laughs, the laugh of a young girl, so clear and soft, and sometimes, it sings songs I have never heard before. Several other similar voices then join the first one in a chorus of melodies, and I think I can hear them speak to each other. Some are surprised and some are amused, and I hear them whispering faintly about someone they call “the foreigner”.

When I feel like my heart is beating at a normal pace again, I open my eyes to find myself in a place I have never seen before. Where am I ? Why am I here and how did I get there ? I do not know this place. Trees surround me, casting gentle shadows on the water I find myself standing in. Looking around, I see I am in a forest, although I have never ventured out of the village. I do not know how to swim, yet I am waist-deep in the water of a small lake, wet and shivering. I’m cold. The voices are gone now, barring one ; the chuckle of a man coming from behind me. I turn around and raise my head. After a few moments of blur, my eyes finally focus on the silhouette before me.

The heretic stands on a big rock on the shore, dry and dressed in the same tunic I saw earlier, albeit in a different colour. It is only long enough to reach the middle of his thighs, showing off long but muscled legs. He is barefoot, and he is still chuckling – is he laughing at me ?

I should feel outraged, and angry, that he is allowing himself to be so familiar with me – we have only met for the first time today after all – but somehow, the only feeling I can muster is mild annoyance. I give him a dark glare, and I find myself speaking his name with a scolding tone. I can not quite make out what name ; unable to control my lips or hear the words coming out of my own mouth. I feel like an actress in the middle of performing a play that already has a set ending. At the sound of his name, the man stops laughing and apologises. He looks around, glaring and I find myself doing the same. There is nobody but us here.

Then his gaze is back on me and I feel his eyes slowly slide down from my eyes, to my neck, to my chest, and I wonder for a moment what he is looking at. Then I check my reflection in the water.

I am dressed entirely in white, in my ceremonial clothes, wet from head to toe ; the weight of the water has pulled my kiva off from my shoulders, leaving them almost naked. My dress is drenched, and has become transparent under the effect of the water. My lower body is thankfully still under the water line, but my neck, chest and belly are fully visible. I gasp in shock, immediately crossing my arms over my chest so I feel less exposed ; so the man before me is not able to steal glances at my body more than he already has.

My reaction seems to wake him up from a trance, and both his cheeks and mine start turning red. At least he seems to feel ashamed of his staring, of making me uncomfortable. As he starts to open his mouth and apologise, I blink, and the moment I next open my eyes, I am back at the stall, in the middle of my village. The young man is still before me, but he has taken a few steps back, clutching his tattooed hand as if the contact has burned him. His mouth is open in shock, and though I can not see myself, I can guess he is mirroring my own expression.

I clutch my handkerchief in my hand. And then panic sets in.

“I- what just happened ? Was I dreaming wide awake ?” I ask, more to myself than to the stunned foreigner before me. What sort of spell has he bewitched me with ? Was this dream a trick from the evil spirits Mother is so scared of ?

The man raises his hands before himself, obviously trying to defuse the situation but it does nothing to reduce my anxiety. I take a few steps back.

“I– I must go now. There is still much to do,” I say, on the edge of panicking. My eyes can only stare at nothing, unfocused, as I try to register what happened in the dream, and how real everything felt.

“Listen, I didn't mean… I didn't mean to– to show you anything,” he stuttered. “Don't be scared, no please–”

But I’m already running past the passersby and away from him, my dress balled up in my arms and my handkerchief tightly grasped in my fist, as I try to hold back confused tears. My tiny world feels like it has collided with something much, much bigger. Something unknown. Something frightening.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur. 

I see but I am not looking, I hear but I am not listening. I feel like I am wearing someone else's skin.

I keep moving, but it's just habits, as if my movements are controlled by some puppeteer.

Soon my family comes home. They change into their ceremonial clothes, and Mother does my hair again, pulling and twisting the tresses until they are shaped to her liking. My head is throbbing, but I do not feel the pain.

The sun is setting when I finally take my place in the line of maidens who are going to be subjected to the Prayer. I recite the oath that I have learned by heart under Mother’s supervision ; I do not stutter, and the words come out clean and well-spoken, but I feel empty. I am given a bag of provisions, that contains the only things I will be given to eat for the next seven sunrises.

As the crowd celebrates all around us, I feel the weight of someone’s gaze on me. I follow it to find the foreigner staring from a distance, unmoving as the rest of his people pack up their belongings as they prepare to leave. Tomorrow they will be long gone, and I will have forgotten all about what I saw earlier, too engrossed in prayer to care. However, today, my memories of the dream are still too fresh in my mind, and I find my lips softly mouthing the name I spoke in the lake. This time, although the crowd around me is loud and excited in celebration, I can clearly hear what is coming out of my mouth. “Jongdae,” I speak, looking at him. I have never heard of this name. From afar, his eyes seem to widen, but he does not move. We watch each other for a few more moments. He looks sad. I hope this time I am not mirroring his expression.

I am the last one to be led to the Sanctuary. It is near the entry of the village, as it was the first structure that was built here. The Prayer room that has been assigned to me is located in a corner of the building at the very end of a long hallway. I step in, and look around. The wooden walls of my room are thinner than I thought they would be. There is an altar, but no bed, as I am not expected to get much rest. Two giant eyes are painted on the wall, dark and foreboding. They, too, stare at me, intense and intimidating. The space is so small, no matter where I am, I feel seen. Vulnerable. A chill courses through my body when I hear the opening of the room being sealed shut with nails that will only be removed once the Prayer has ended.

First, I do not know what to do. I stand, as if paralysed, in the middle of the room for a long moment. Then I remember Mother, and I remember my oath. I must pray now. I lower the bag of provisions to the ground and kneel on the hard floor in front of the altar. Mother has told me what to say as the opening of a Prayer. We have recited it, again and again.

Forgive me, my Holy One, for my sins. I am here to confess and earn your forgiveness.

Yet, somehow, the words that come out of my mouth are different. More honest.

“Forgive me, my Holy One, for I am not quite sure what to say.” Then I start praying, whispering the words under my breath.

For a moment, I pray for my family. For Father's health, for Mother’s peace of mind, for Luan’s happy spirits to remain and for Adem’s soul to rest in peace.

Then I start praying for my village, and for my community. I pray for peace, for a good harvest and for a mild winter. Talking about winter makes me realise the night has fallen. I shiver and wrap my kiva tighter around me in hope of keeping some warmth.

When time comes to confess my sins, I think back to that moment in the forest ; of the evil spirits that possessed my mind and made me imagine this unholy scene of me almost bare in front of a man. I am ashamed, but I am not sure this vision was my own doing. Do I need to confess if it was not my fault ? In the end, I decide to keep my mouth shut about this event and instead to ask for forgiveness for untying my hair last night.

After that, I realise I have nothing more to say. I try to think, but nothing comes to my mind. As I search for something to pray about, I sit with my back against the wall opposite from the altar. Instead of looking at His eyes, I start looking at my hands. Grandmother’s handkerchief is tied around my wrist, the only touch of colour in my entirely white outfit, and I start thinking of the foreigner.

This dream was not my fault, I am sure of that. Otherwise, why would he have apologised ? The look in his eyes makes me think that he might have known what was going on. Does he know what I have imagined ? Or worse – has he seen the things that I have seen ?

And this place, what was it ? Where was it ? Never would I have dived into water without knowing how deep it was first. Did he push me ? Why would someone do that ?

The more I think about the events of the afternoon, the more I realise my fright is turning to curiosity. Mother said it is not right to be curious, that I must wait for our Holy One to provide the answers. Like a poison, it runs slowly through one’s veins and takes over the mind. It pushes people to do things they would not normally do. Then I realise something else : in this room where I am alone with the Holy One, Mother can not reach. What she does not know, can not upset her.

In between the quiet of prayers, I hear people outside my room, one of which I recognise as the village chief. However, the voices are not coming from inside the Sanctuary ; this building is sacred and not a place for gossip. Instead, the voices come from beyond the wall that is directly to my right, which means they are standing outside the village. The chief is speaking to several people,but I can not make out what they are talking about, nor do I recognise any of the voices he is conversing with ; not until I hear a familiar voice, strong, powerful, and slightly accented, start thanking my leader.

“I would thank you a thousand times if I could, village chief. Our provisions were running low for the rest of our trip and it was urgent we exchanged some of our belongings for food and money. I know you do not welcome strangers often within the walls of your village, and for your generosity I will forever be grateful.”

Jongdae ? He must be leaving the village with his people now.

“You are very welcome,” my leader says, seemingly pleased by the compliments. “Had today been any other day, you would have been quite the sensation. I hope you got what you wanted, for as gracious as I am, I will not be able to let you in the village tomorrow,” he grumbles.

The young foreigner hardly waits a second before replying, probably louder than one should be during a private conversation.

“This is no problem, my community is already grateful for your help. We are going to stay a few more days in the small clearing we saw in the forest, only long enough to allow us to hunt and replenish our provisions.”

They exchange a few more words after that, but I am not focused on their conversation anymore. I simply stare at the painted eyes on the wall.

“What do you think ? What should I do now ?” I wonder out loud, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

Before the dream, I would have listened to Mother and stayed put. I would have prayed about anything and everything, I would have confessed my sins.

But I can not help but feel like something important occurred this afternoon. Who is this man, and who are these people ? Is he working with the evil spirits to plant seeds of doubt in the minds of innocent young women ? And if so, why did he apologise to me ? I have to know what happened, I have to know if he saw the same vision I did, and if so how was it possible ?

Today, my tiny world has collided with something bigger, much bigger than anything I could have ever envisioned. But this time, I am not frightened anymore. I will find this foreigner, and defend myself and my honour. I am in need of answers, and I know there is only one way to get them.

I must leave the village.

[exouniverse]

Code: ❀ — Fluff • ☽ — Angst • Ⅿ — Mature • ♡ — Requested • ✎ - One-shot • ◎ - Drabble • ∞ - Series

김준면 Suho

It’s Okay ❀ ✎ (wip)

김민석 Xiumin

Ob(li)vious ❀ ✎ (wip)

张艺兴 (레이) Zhang Yixing (Lay)

Dance With Me ❀ ✎

Happy New Year ❀ ◎

변백현 Baekhyun

All for You ❀ ✎ (wip)

김종대 Chen

Surprise! ❀ ✎

박찬열 Chanyeol

The Ultimate Party Planner/Partner ❀ ✎

Good Enough ❀ ☽ ◎

도경수 D.O.

(My) Home ❀ ✎

Not by Happenstance ❀ ✎

Tightrope ☽ ❀ ∞ ♡ (ongoing)

김존인 Kai

Mr. Cool ❀ ✎

오세훈 Sehun

Seasons ❀ ✎ (wip)

End Game ☽ ✎

© 2023-2025 @exouniverse All rights reserved. Please do not copy, modify, or repost any of my works as your own. If you'd like to translate one of my works, please ask first. I can let you if you submit it to my blog.

[shine-on-fest]

Zero Gravity ✦ by Chanye_oh_l Junmyeon is a rockstar and Jongdae is his tour photographer, and maybe something more than that.

✧ Jongdae/Junmyeon ✧ G • 1.6k ✧ Touring, Fluff, Concerts, Established Relationship, SUHO Band Ensemble

[rancidtae]

ARCADIA'S LULLABY / the reboot

Genre: Mafia AU. Vigilante AU. Sci-fi (AI).

Warnings: Graphic violence, Strong language, Mature content.

Pairing: exo & Original Female Character (Jung Jiah/Kang Rina)

meet the characters

A/N: aaaaaand we're back! it's been a while. motivated by this exo comeback and a rewatch of the show that originally inspired this, I've decided to bring this blog back to life. This is a rewrite of a story i posted here a few years back. new scenes, flashbacks, plot improvements and easter eggs for part two are being added. (yes that is still in the works because this was always meant to be Part One of a series, including a bts centered prequel )

So, here it is:

If there’s one thing tenacious investigative journalist Jung Jiah knows about this city, is that trust is scarce and truth is a commodity. Forced to face a haunting past and reunited with the men she once considered family, instinct tells her to run and hide.

But when she finds that her childhood friends might be hiding the key to the one story she could never solve, she’s thrust into a web of complex relationships and blurred lines between guilt, trust, and betrayal. The quest for the truth takes center stage, and it reveals a world where neon lights cast long shadows, and nothing is as it seems.

CHAPTER 1: NIGHTCALL (OUT NOW)

CHAPTER 2: AFTERHOURS (OUT NOW)

[wolveswithblackpearls]

Werewolf AU!Chen

What did you see?” Jongdae pushed.

You swallowed. “Wolves. Giant Wolves. They chased everybody away. One of them saved me from the fire.”

“That was us.”

Since I’ve been binge reading this series, here’s a moodboard inspired by @marshmallow-phd ‘s “Fighting Instinct”.

~Admin J

Original date of publishing: Jan 10th, 2019

[marshmallow-phd]

A Manor of Shadow and Blood

Genre: Regency Gothic AU

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: A stormy night brought you to the manor in the middle of the woods. Nine strange men occupied its halls. They won’t let you leave. A dangerous secret haunts this estate. Learning it might either be your saving grace or it could lead to the last breath you ever take.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5

**

The grand hall was lit as bright as midday. Every surface was polished to perfection, reflecting the candlelight at a greater force. Brilliant brass and gold surrounded you as you made your way through the dancing couples, their movements in perfect sync. Wrapped in each other's arms, they spin around without a care for your wandering presence. 

While all who surrounded you were decorated in blacks and whites, your own dress was the color of freshly spilled blood. The heavy skirts that hug from your waist made it difficult to navigate the ballroom. Their fullness was of an older fashion, one that maybe your grandmother would have worn in her youth. The dropped shoulders left you exposed, your skin chilled despite the amount of bodies in here. 

You kept navigating the dance floor, on the look out for something, though you didn’t know what. Then you felt the familiar burn of eyes boring into your back, which sent a shiver down your spine. You whirled around to find the source, the dress brushing at your feet with the sudden motion. Through the crowd, you spotted Baekhyun leaning against the wall. With a single finger, he beckoned you over. And you obeyed. 

Breaking through the sea of dancers, you took in his elegant suit, the hems lined with gold thread that shimmered against black velvet. 

"You shouldn't dance alone," he purred. Arms crossed over his chest, he smirked at you with a grin even the devil wouldn't wear.

"I have no partner," you retorted. He held out a lazy hard. Hardly the romantic gesture. "No, thank you." 

"How about me?" asked a sweet voice in your ear. 

You turned your head to find Junmyeon at your back. He laid a soft hand on your hip to keep you from escaping out of propriety. When you didn’t shove him away, the hand slyly moved to your stomach, pulling your bare shoulder blades into his chest. With the fingers of his left hand, he tilted your chin towards him. 

"Am I a suitable partner?" 

No answer passed your lips. You could think of nothing to say. The thought of him twirling you around the dance floor was not… unpleasant. 

Junmyeon neither needed nor cared for a reply. He dipped his head to your shoulder and pressed a kiss to the skin. A small gasp passed your lips. And then he pressed another. More and more as he climbed up the curve of your neck. Heat rose from every inch of you as you sighed into the affectionate touches. You relaxed into his touch, welcoming each new contact of his lips. 

"It's rude not to share, Junmyeon.”

Your attention snapped back to Baekhyun, who you had forgotten was there. He pushed himself off the wall and stepped closer to you so he stood in front of the minor. 

No, not a mirror. There was no reflection. 

Except… there was. The mirror reflected the floor, the ceiling, the candlelight. You. 

But not Baekhyun. Not Junmyeon. And not the dancers still spinning behind you. 

Fingers snaked through your hair and pulled your head back, your vulnerable neck exposed. From the gallery above, Kyungsoo watched as elongated fangs flashed behind Junmyeon’s lips and plunged into your neck. 

*****

You woke with a start, the blanket flying off of you as you sat up in a fury. Sweet drenched every pore of your skin. Your day old dress clung to your skin in a way that felt suffocating. Each breath was a struggle for your lungs. 

Vampires. The nightmarish tale that had kept you up as a child until you were convinced they weren't real turned out to be true. But how could they be real? 

Creatures of the night. Blood drinkers. Horror stories meant to keep children from wandering about after dark. 

Curling your legs to your chest and encasing them in your arms, you tried to think of a way out. To escape. With what strength you possessed, you slid off the bed and walked over to the window. The sun, so bright and full of life, was just beginning its descent towards the horizon. Night–their domain–was hours away. If the legends were true, then they would all be asleep at this moment. Any risk that was to be taken had to be taken now. 

After changing into a sturdier dress, you retrieved your still mud-covered boots and, keeping them in one hand, you carefully pushed away the pathetic barrier and snuck out of the room. 

Each step was taken with unmatched caution. You tested every board with your foot before fully committing. Any squeak of a floor or stumble down a stair could alert them to your escape. But by the grace of a miracle, you made it to the front door. Fingers trembling, you pulled on the boots and tied up the laces before opening the door only wide enough for you to slink through. 

The next breath taken outside was like the first breath of life. But there was no time to take it in. 

Gathering your skirts in your grip, you took off into the trees. The dirt was dry and sturdy under your feet. Branches and leaves crunched with the weight of your boots. A lady’s delicacy was out of the question as you ran without abandon. You didn't know what direction you were running. But vampires needed blood to survive and they weren’t drinking yours. And Jongdae had brought those buns from a bakery, not their own kitchen. You doubted any of them knew how to cook. That meant a village or town had to be nearby. Junmyeon had lied about the isolation of the manor. If you just kept going, you could find freedom. 

However, your stamina was running out. This was never your preferred activity. Your lungs and throat burned in an unfamiliar way. The sun still shined above. A short respite could be spared. 

You leaned against a tree trunk for support. In your boots your feet pulsed. Only now did you realize that you had run away without food or water. Not knowing where the kitchen was located, you didn't have time to waste on it. You could survive, you told yourself. Just a little farther. The town couldn’t be too far. Unless you were headed in the wrong direction. 

A rustling rippled through the silent forest. You snapped to attention, trying to find the source. 

“The wind,” you gasped between ragged breaths. “It had to be the wind.” 

A low, rumbling growl said it wasn't wind. 

In the distance, large silhouettes emerged. Wolves. Nearly a dozen of them. 

You ran as fast as your crying legs could take you. With their superior nature built for the hunt, the wolves caught up to you within seconds. Their growls and howls grew louder and more threatening behind you. Running from the manor had been easy. Running from the wolves was to be your end. 

Powerful paws slammed into your back. You were thrown to the ground, rolling across the ground as a scream ripped at your throat. The momentum stopped you on your stomach. Hair covered your face, but you could still see your death through the strands. 

Wolves of gray and black gathered in a half moon circle. They had their prey in perfect position. The middle wolf pounced. All you had time to do was throw up your arms to protect your face. Claws raked across your forearm. Another scream echoed through the merciless trees. The wolf landed on the other side of you with pride. Now you were surrounded. A second wolf leapt. 

A blur appeared in front of you and collided with the wolf midair. The two bodies tumbled across the forest floor. A human and the wolf. 

Not a human. 

Chanyeol. The wolf trapped within his grasp, Chanyeol tightened his grip–

Crack. 

The wolf fell limply to the ground, its tongue hanging from its jaw. 

The others appeared seconds later. Not understanding what they were up against, the wolves let you go to attack the newest threat. 

"Are you alright?" Junmyeon knelt down in front of you. His hands were outstretched as if you were the wild animal on the verge of attack. Behind him, snarls and whimpers told of the fight–and who was winning. Despite not answering him, he caught sight of your bleeding arm. "We need to get back to the manor." 

He didn't ask permission before picking you up into his arms and sprinting through the forest. Everything blurred past you, your loose hair whipping at your face. He burst through the manor doors and didn't stop until he was able to set you down in the largest chair. Once you were safe, he fell to his knees, only his palms keeping him upright. The others soon stumbled in behind him, heaving and collapsing onto the floor. Only then did you notice the smoke floating up from each of their backs. Patches of burnt, red skin sizzled on their knuckles and faces. Anything that had been exposed to the sun. 

"Baekhyun," Junmyeon gasped. 

"I already have it." Kyungsoo came into the parlor with bottles stacked in his arms. He quickly passed them around, waiting until the others were quenching their thirst before pulling the cork out of his own bottle and chugging the contents. 

With his bottle empty, Junmyeon tossed it to the side and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. Red smears stained the ivory fabric. You shrank back in the chair as he turned towards you. 

"What hell were you thinking!" He growled. "I warned you about the wolves!" 

"Junmyeon, she's shaken up enough," Jongdae defended. Before your eyes, his burnt skin healed to be like new.

"She could have been killed!" 

Your head was pounding. He was… concerned about your life? The legends said that the sun was a vampire's deadliest enemy. It was why they thrived in the darkness. But they had all risked a final death to come after you. 

"Did you hear me scream?" you whispered. You could barely feel your own lips moving. All heads tuned to you. 

Yixing was the one to answer. "Yes. We all heard you." 

"Why were you out there?" Sehun asked aggressively.

You sucked in a sharp breath. There was no escaping the truth now. You stared at Jongdae. "I figured it out.” 

Baekhyun laughed. "At least we don't have to walk around delicately anymore." 

"When exactly did you do so?" Minseok mocked.

"Then you should remember what I said to you before was true. Harm would not come to you within these walls." Junmyeon crouched down next to the chair. His eyes... there was something behind the darkness that tugged at your still wildly beating heart. "I know you were running away. And if you're desperate to get away enough to get yourself killed, then the choice can be yours. We can send you on your way with every provision. Or," he cleared his throat, "you stay here. With us." 

A choice? He was giving you a choice?

Your gaze drifted over the faces that stared back at you. Even Kyungsoo refused to look away while he waited. There was almost a plea in his expression, a subtle beg. But was it to stay? Or for you to run as far away as possible? 

Junmeyon took your attention away when he picked up your wounded arm with delicate fingers. His pleading was much more clear. 

To leave would be the better choice. The more sane choice. But what would happen afterwards? You could claim being lost in the woods. With evidence of the carriage and the missing driver, what else could they believe? After a few days on bed rest, you would be back by your aunt's side, following her every whim. Including indulging her on a "perfectly adequate" suitor because you had no other option, no other path. That suitor who would then become your future. But you didn't want it. You refused to give in to it. 

Already within these few days, you were… changed in a way. They might not be human, but these men would forever be burned into your memory. Who could move you with music the way Chanyeol had? What silent strength could match the aura of Junmyeon? You had been promised that none of them would harm you. The chance for something extraordinary was right in front of you. The kind of chance you had only read about. It just had to be taken.

"I think… I think I want to stay."

*****

The moon became an ever changing friend. You hardly saw the sun anymore. Like the men you had given yourself over to, you lived under the stars. It was oddly beautiful. This time was often forgotten about by you and many others. The night was only a background to your time within your dreams. But now it was your entire world. 

Every evening, you awoke to the dying orange light of the day. Breakfast always waited for you outside the door. It was the rule that no one broke; none could enter your room without explicit permission from you. Those walls remained your safe haven when things grew too overwhelming. 

Despite your decision to stay, discovering that other creatures walked the earth required a step away once in a while. Especially now, with you aware of their true nature, the men were refusing to hold back. 

Dropping from the roof, running around with spectacular speed, and lifting objects that ten men couldn't hold. It was remarkable. Except for the diet and inability to walk in the sun, the… condition seemed more like a blessing.

"You're rather thoughtful this evening,” Jongdae commented. He walked beside you like he did every twilight. 

After you finished your breakfast, you met Jongae at the front doors to go on a walk around the manor grounds. Often others would join you as well. Junmyeon was the most frequent, though Yixing, Changed, and Jongin made many appearances over the past week and a half. Boundaries were constantly tested, but one word from you and they retreated.

"I guess you could say I am thoughtful tonight," you finally sighed. You hadn’t realized that you were being so obviously quiet. Funny, since you would have thought Jongdae would enjoy the silence. You typically had many questions or comments of your own to make. 

"Should I go steal a penny from Sehun?" 

You laughed. "I'd like to think my thoughts are worth more than a single penny.”

"They must be if you've become so skilled in deflecting from them." He crossed over to block your path. Gaze narrowed, he studied your carefully guarded expression. "What are you thinking about so hard? Regretting your decision to stay already?" 

"No," you insisted. "Not at all."

He raised an eyebrow that simply asked, "Then what?" 

"Do you always stay here?" you countered. "At the manor, I mean." 

"We travel," Jongdae answered with a nod. "Not too often. It’s a bit difficult, you see."

"But we like traveling north.” Minseok dropped from who-knew-where, landing with barely bent knees and hands folded behind his back. "In the winter, the night lasts longer. Junmyeon has a small hunting lodge up there. 

A hunting lodge? "Then why do you stay here?" 

Minsoek shrugged. "This manor is bigger." 

"Having nine of us in one household can be a bit volatile,” Jongdae added. He stepped aside to continue the stroll. "We need the room to separate so we don't level a building." 

Your foot caught on an invisible lump in the grass. "You could destroy a building while fighting?" 

Minseok snickered as he caught your stumble and helped steady your stance. His hand lingered at your waist until your sharpened glare made him remove it. "We haven’t crumbled a wall in a few years."

You scoffed at the casual tone. "What sort of fight caused that?" 

"I can't remember." Minseok leaned forward slightly to look at Jongdae for help. But he didn't seem to recall either. 

"Who knows what started it between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo.”

Your mouth dropped open in shock. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had fought over something to the point of destroying a wall to crumble? It didn't feel plausible. Neither seemed like the hot-headed sort. You wanted to know the igniting incident so desperately. 

Both Jongdae and Minseok suddenly whipped their heads towards the front of the manor. 

"What is it?" you asked when neither offered an explanation. 

"Junmyeon's calling for us." Jongdae scooped you up into his arms without warning. At your confused expression, he explained, "We're not leaving you alone out here." Remember your last adventure in the woods lingered in the silence.

The short lived wind whipped at your hair that you still wore loose to cover your neck. As soon as he stopped running, you wiggled out of his arms to be back on your feet. Everyone else was already gathered just outside the door. Several eyed you and Jongdae with suspicious and annoyed glares. You took a step away from him for some separation. 

Clearing his throat, Junmyeon called everyone to attention. "We have to go hunting–real hunting. Now, normally, we all go together, but now that we have our guest," he nodded towards you, "some will have to stay behind with her until the first party… comes back." 

"If you all need to go,” you couldn't quite speak the word feed, "then I'll be alright. For a few hours, at least." You weren't sure how long this excursion would take.

Junmyeon's features softened. "No. We'll go in groups. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Minseok and I will go first. We shouldn't be gone long." He reached out and patted the top of your head before disappearing into the trees. Kyungsoo gave no goodbye as he followed suit. The last two playfully shoved each other while taking off. 

"Come." Yixing took hold of your hand and started pulling you inside. "I want to show you something."

"But–" You had wanted to ask Jongdae a question, but the traitor was already gone, off somewhere to do something he would never tell you about. So, you let Yixing take you into the manor and up the main staircase at the end of the hallway. At least he let you stay on your own feet instead of insisting on going at his speed. 

Going down an unfamiliar hallway, you were reminded how big this place was and how much you still had to explore. The men occupied most of your time, vying for your attention and pulling you this way and that so you didn’t have much time on your own. It was odd and overwhelming at times. 

During your seasons in town, you were hardly a well-sought after prize. There were prettier girls with grander dowries. You had accepted that fact. Now you were the center of a courting dance to which you knew none of the steps and possessed endless partners. 

Yixing paused in front of a door that looked identical to all the others. He kept his fingers tight around yours as he slowly turned the knob with his free hand. The door swung open. 

The gasp inhaled through your parted lips wasn't enough to convey your awe. 

Maps of all the places you'd heard of and dozens more you hadn't covered the walls like homemade wallpaper. Slipping out of Yixing's grip, you walked further into the study, spinning slowly around to take it all in. The maps were varying degrees of tan, some as light as his skin, others as dark as animal leather. 

Instead of bookshelves, doorless cabinets waist high lined three of the walls. Their squared shelves were stuffed full of parchment and ink and quills. A lone sketcher's desk sat in the middle, an unfinished drawing laying against the tilted surface. 

"What is this place?"

"It's my personal study," Yixing answered as he laid a hand on the edge of the desk. "Kyungsoo gave it to me after I had accidentally taken over one of the parlors." 

Your awe increased ten-fold. Your initial assumption was that he was a collector, not the original artist. "You drew all of these?" 

He nodded almost... shyly. "I did. I was a cartographer. Before." 

"Before?" You understood what he meant, but you didn't know how to ask for the story. 

Turning his eyes to the parchment, he pinched it between his fingers. "I didn't just love traveling. I loved capturing it on paper. I wanted to make these places into art, but not like every other painting. I wanted them to be perfect. Exact replicas as if you were staying at them from God’s point of view. And I wanted to be the best. I couldn't be, though. I wasn’t good enough." 

You moved closer to him, entranced in the story. "What happened?"

A rueful smile tightened at his lips. "I was given a chance to become perfect. What I didn't know was that I traded everyone knowing my maps for the talent to make it happen." Sorrow rolled from him like the tide warning of an oncoming storm. 

Feeling the pull to comfort him, you reached out and covered his fidgeting hand with your own steady fingers.

"People will be able to know your work some day," you whispered. "I’m sure of it." 

Perhaps you had been a bit too forward, a bit too open. 

Yixing moved gracefully forward to eliminate most of the space between you. A smooth thumb that once must have been calloused when it was human caressed the edge of your jaw. His flickering eyes made intentions obvious. 

Clearing your throat, you stepped out of the touch. "Why isn't this one finished?" You pointed to the drawing on the desk. It was an aerial view of the manor, with the top half of the parchment containing the beginning edges of the garden hedges. Disappointed, Yixing sighed and went along with your distraction. 

"I'm still working out the maze. It is intricate. Much more than I was prepared for." 

"Goodness." You were thankful that you hadn't wandered in there yet, especially on your own.

"Yixing.” 

Both of you turned towards the door to find Sehun standing under the frame. 

"Yes, Sehun?" Yixing said through somewhat gritted teeth. The young vampire wasn't phased. 

"I need to speak with you." 

"Fine." None of you moved. 

Sehun looked at you with a pointed glare.

You received the hint loud and clear. "I'll leave you, then.” 

With more relief than you cared to admit, you scurried out of the room and down the hallway. 

Around the corner, you pressed your back against the wall and forced yourself to take deep breaths that filled your lungs to capacity. Panic had been the response at Yixing's closeness. You didn't mean for that to be the response. You didn't want to be closed off to any of them. But you couldn't help it. Maybe it was merely the closeness of the situation. 

Giving yourself a small amount of grace, you pushed off the wall and made your way downstairs. So used to your time being absorbed by the men that you weren't sure what to do with yourself. Two of the ones that remained behind were currently occupied. As for the three others, they could have been anywhere. 

You wandered around the main floor with a fleeting hope that one would come to find you. Then you saw them. A row of grand doors evenly spaced along the north wall called you forward.

The grand ballroom took your breath away. Not so dissimilar to the one in your dream, though this one’s lack of warmth and light left you heartbroken. Memories of dancing figures and lively music haunted these walls. In the corner, you could imagine a small orchestra strumming their instruments in delight. 

You walked to the center where dozens of pairs used to twirl and bow and embrace each other in time with the melody. Ghostly laughter echoed in your ears. What had once been  bright and golden and full of life was dull, dark, and covered in cobwebs that swayed in the breeze of unknown origin. 

Glancing around, you confirmed that you were truly alone before closing your eyes, lifting your arms, and began a soft hum. 

You danced with an invisible partner in the fashion that your grandfather had taught you as a small child. It was more intimate than the choreographed dances currently popularized. You had always imagined your first ball like this, instead of the disappointment you really experienced. You had pictured a boy you didn’t know catching your eye. As the music was struck up, he laid a hand on your waist.

Just like now. 

Hm. Your imagination was running wild, even pretending the weight of a palm was there on your lower back. And now in your lifted left hand. 

No. That wasn’t your imagination. 

Your eyes snapped open. 

Jongin had taken the place of your imagined partner. He smiled down at you with a feline smirk as his hands tightened around you, refusing to let you slip away. There was no choice in leaving this musicless dance. You had stopped humming but he continued to whirl you around the marble floor. He controlled the dance, in charge of every step. He led with an expertise he shouldn’t have possessed–if he were a man of this age. 

In one final move, he slipped his arm fully around your waist, pulling you so close that no room remained between you. Without breaking the spin, he lifted you from the floor as if you were no more than a kitten and whirled you around like the heroine from your favorite novel.

When the spin came to a close, he set you back on your feet, but didn’t let go. Your lungs heaved from the exercise–and from the way your bodies pressed together. Each rise of your chest brought you even closer to Jongin. He kept your gaze like a stablehand trying to calm a wild horse. His right hand slipped from your fingers, softly tracing the delicate inside of your arm. The touch left behind a fire you couldn’t explain. A cold, simmering fire.

He cupped your jaw as his eyes drifted down to your lips. This was a different reaction to Yixing’s wandering gaze. Not panic, but something similar. 

Jongin held you in place as he leaned down, his lips pressing gently into the corner of yours. The thin breath in your lungs hitched. He lifted his lips only to find a new patch of skin. The delicate skin covering your pulse. Every muscle in your body froze. He kissed the skin softly. Surely, he could feel the race of your blood. 

“Whenever you need a partner,” he said in a hush against your neck, “just whisper my name.”

And then, he was gone. 

You stared off at the empty path left behind Jongin. The sheer hubris.

His name lingered on your lips, wondering if he would really come back like he said. But you kept the whisper inside and left the ballroom just the same. 

[proudahgase-exol]

Exo masterlist

Here you will fine everything I had made for exo. :)

-𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 ♡

Last updated: 08/08/24

Guide: ♤ angst - ❀ fluff - ♡ smut - ✧ text au

𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

-

Nothing here yet….

𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕓𝕚𝕕𝕕𝕖𝕟 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 ♤ ❀ ♡

𝕆𝕦𝕣 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 ♤ ❀

𝕎𝕒𝕝𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕗𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 ✧

𝕁𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕝𝕤𝕖 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥? ❀ ♡ ♤

ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠𝕞 𝕥𝕖𝕩𝕥/𝕤𝕠𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝 𝕞𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕒 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕓𝕗! 𝕊𝕦𝕙𝕠 ✧

𝕁𝕦𝕟𝕞𝕪𝕖𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕤 𝕒 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 ❀

Nothing here yet….

ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕚𝕥 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 ♤ ❀ ♡

𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕤 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 ♤

ℕ𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕨𝕖’𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒 𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 ❀ ♡ ✧

𝕋𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖? ℍ𝕠𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 / 𝕨𝕚𝕗𝕖…… ❀ ✧

𝕊𝕟𝕒𝕡𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 𝔻.𝕆 ❀

𝕁𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕚𝕟 𝕒𝕤 𝕒 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 ❀

𝕋𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 ❀ ♤

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕚𝕕𝕟’𝕥 𝕙𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕦𝕡 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕙𝕠𝕟𝕖 ♤

𝕊𝕖𝕙𝕦𝕟𝕤 𝕟𝕖𝕨 𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 ✧

ℍ𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 ✧ ♡

𝕊𝕖𝕙𝕦𝕟 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕤 𝕪/𝕟 (ᴍɪɴɪ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ) ♤ ❀ ♡

ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠𝕞 𝕥𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝔹𝔽!𝕊𝕖𝕙𝕦𝕟 ✧

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕣 ❀

𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕫𝕒𝕟𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕘 ❀

𝕊𝕖𝕩 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕖𝕩 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕖𝕩𝕠 ♤ ❀ ♡

𝕔𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕓𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 ♡

𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕪𝕠𝕦 ♡

𝕀𝕟𝕤𝕖𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝕘𝕒𝕡 ♤ ❀ ✧

ℙ𝕝𝕦𝕤 𝕤𝕚𝕫𝕖 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕 ❀ ✧

ℕ𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕝 𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕡 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕖𝕩𝕠 ✧

Love fool - EXO

1:54 ━━━━⬤─────── 3:24

⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

If you don’t see a member’s name here is because I haven’t made nothing for them. Photos aren’t mine found them on Pinterest *credit to owner*

[xiubaek-13]

Chapter 46 - White Noise

Requested: No

Genre: Canon-AU, smut

Pairing: ? (at this stage undecided) x Reader or is it Baekhyun x Reader ?

Warnings: 18+ fic, minors DNI! Smut, sexting, phone sex, masturbation (m & f), use of a vibrator, dirty talk, swearing, mention of threesome. We’re headed towards filth territory and this is the penultimate chapter okay?

Word Count: 6,958

A/N:I said two chapters to go last time but NOW there are two chapters left. Huge thanks to @way-of-the-sun​ for beta reading and fixing mistakes I missed.  I’m putting all of it under the jump because it’s pretty spicy from the get go.

You had gotten the response you wanted. He wasn’t shying away from this. You pictured him in his room, the room where the two of you had thoroughly explored each other's bodies. Repeatedly. The room where you lost count of how many times you came. The room where, even a day later, you could still feel the ghost of his caress against your body. Desire bloomed within you.

[4:31pm] You: So tell me, what would you do to me? 

[4:31pm] You: Because I am absolutely not thinking about you in a family friendly way right now. 

[4:31pm] You: How would you touch me Baek?

His response came immediately, both saying everything and nothing at once. Your mind began to cloud over with desire. It’s not like you hadn’t sexted before and it absolutely was part of his request. You were doing this for him… at least that’s what you were telling yourself.

You wanted him to feel comfortable enough to get specific with you. Dancing around the details wasn’t going to get either of you anywhere. The need in you was growing faster than you cared to admit. You knew how adept he was with his words and now was the time to test the full extent of his skills. 

[4:31pm] Baek: How would I touch you?

[4:31pm] You: You could always remind me ;)

You scoffed at his replies. The audacity of this man knew no bounds and the fact that you weren’t even remotely mad about it should have told you something. 

[4:31pm] Baek: I think we both know how I’d touch you.

[4:32pm] Baek: Would it kill you to ask nicely?

[4:32pm] Baek: Since I am wonderful and amazing and kind and generous I’ll help you out.

[4:32pm] Baek: You already look pretty relaxed on the bed so how about this? I want you to follow my instructions and touch yourself like I tell you to, like I would if I were in the room.

[4:32pm] Baek: And what might that be?

[4:32pm] You: You forgot modest and humble.

[4:32pm] Baek: Don’t answer that.

[4:32pm] You: This bed is comfortable. It is missing something though.

[4:32pm] You: You on top of me. 

You smiled as you sent the message, knowing the exact look that would pass over his features as he read it. You could practically hear his laugh.

[4:32pm] You: Ignore my previous retort. Please.

As you lay back on the bed you felt your body heat up in anticipation. Excitement crept through your veins, feeling increasingly like your nerve endings were live wires. You did as he instructed before sending your reply to him.

[4:32pm] Baek: Wow, that was such a cheesy line. I said listen to my instructions, not to make jokes like me.

[4:33pm] You: And then?

His reply did not take long, yet you were eagerly awaiting his reply already. 

[4:32pm] Baek: I want you to lie back and spread your knees.

You sighed as your fingers made contact with your body. It wasn’t like this wasn’t an action that was foreign to you but somehow it felt different. 

[4:33pm] Baek: Touch yourself, slowly at first.

[4:33pm] Baek: How does that feel?

[4:33pm] Baek: Are you wet noona?

[4:33pm] You: Feels good Baek.

[4:33pm] Baek: Let your nails graze over your skin and pretend it’s me.

Far more than you cared to admit. You had soaked through your panties before you’d even so much as touched yourself.  

[4:33pm] You: Yes.

[4:33pm] You: Makes me want more.

[4:33pm] You: DCIM387523.jpg sent

[4:33pm] Baek: Show me.

Part of you was glad that you couldn’t see his face when he saw the image but a much needier, much hornier part of you wished you could see how much the image affected him.

You bit your lip as you stared at the image. It was clearly not his first dick pic because beginners luck with dick pics was not a thing. He was hard, the tip of his cock already leaking pre-cum. You were reminded of all that he could do with said cock, and exactly how it felt inside of you. How perfectly it fit and how it made you cry out in pleasure. It was taking far more self control than you had anticipated to refrain from getting yourself off. That wasn’t what this reward was about though. It was about following his instructions and so far you were succeeding.

[4:33pm] Baek: Please. Wanna see how much you want me.

[4:34pm] Baek: Your panties are ruined and I have barely begun.

[4:34pm] Baek: So needy for me.

[4:34pm] Baek: Look at what you’ve done to me baby.

[4:34pm] Baek: DCIM5932123.jpg sent

The flood of desire in you just kept growing. So much so that you did seriously consider putting on a bathrobe and booking it to his room so that you could sink down on his cock. You clenched around nothing, feeling so empty and all you wanted was to feel him inside you again. You were getting tremendously worked up, and you knew you wouldn’t last long. 

[4:34pm] You: Fuck.

[4:34pm] Baek: Fuck that’s hot.

[4:34pm] You: Because I do.

[4:34pm] You: Feels so much better than my fingers ever will.

A whimper left your mouth as you closed your eyes and let the sensations overtake you. You let his words paint the picture of his hands digging into your sides as his mouth worked its way down your body, leaving a trail of love bites in its wake. Of his fingers pushing into your heat, drawing moan after moan out of you, stopping right before you came only to resume his actions with vigour as he watched you fall apart beneath him. Logically you knew that it was you touching yourself but with your eyes closed it was much easier to suspend disbelief and imagine that your hands were Baek’s, that you could feel his mouth on your skin and his voice in your ear. Even when he wasn’t physically present in the room, the man was overwhelming.

[4:34pm] Baek: Slow down baby. Don’t rush.

[4:34pm] You: Is it cheesy to say I miss your cock?

[4:34pm] Baek: Imagine I’m there with you.

[4:34pm] Baek: Think about my mouth on your neck, marking you up. Look at the mark on your hip and imagine me giving you a matching one on the other side.

[4:34pm] Baek: Think about my hand moving between your legs.

So much so that you had forgotten to respond to him. You were busy giving into the Baek your imagination had created that you had forgotten that the real Baek was present - even if it was just via text. 

[4:36pm] Baek: Yah! Don’t leave me on read because you’re busy masturbating.

[4:34pm] Baek: Move your hands slowly down your body, like I would.

You heard the message notification but didn’t want to cease the motions of your fingers in order to answer it. One hand was busy tracing light patterns around your nipples, your nails occasionally grazing over the sensitive flesh before you squeezed it between your thumb and finger. The other hand traced down your body, caressing your skin as you got closer and closer to where you needed to touch the most. 

Ring Riinnngg You jumped at the sound of your phone ringing, the sound shocking you back to reality. You saw Baek’s name and sucked in a breath as you realised that you had forgotten to continue texting him. But now he was calling, which meant you’d hear his voice and he’d hear how desperate you were for him to touch you. It would be embarrassing if he hadn’t heard you like this before… however that was in person. Lest you ignore his call as well and completely fail at providing the other half of his reward, you answered. “Baek.”

His voice was rough on the other end of the line. Hearing how affected he was made you clench around nothing, once again feeling far too empty. You let out a soft whine, a sound that was not missed by his ears. “Put me on speaker baby. Then your hands can keep occupied. You just have to listen to my voice.”

“This is much hotter than I thought it would be.” You admitted. 

You heard his breathy laugh through the speaker. “I can’t disagree with you on that.” You could hear his laboured breathing as he jerked himself off. “You know what?” He asked.

“What Baek?” You replied, your voice breathier than you ever remembered hearing it.

“If I was there right now, I’d tease you until you begged me to let you cum.” He grunted. “You know I would.” 

You whimpered, flashbacks of the hours you endured of him edging you flooding your brain. You licked your lips as you listened to the sound of his hand working his shaft. “God I want your cock in my mouth, to watch you come undone as I suck you off.” It wasn’t a lie, you had enjoyed every second of blowing his mind the first time you’d given him head. 

You heard him pick up the pace, soft whines sounding through the speaker as he really started to imagine he was fucking into your mouth. “You look so good with my cock in your mouth as well. Fuck.” He was really getting into this fantasy, really giving himself over to it, just as you were.  “You can use two fingers now. I know it’s not the same as my hands or cock but it’ll have to do for now.”

You plunged your fingers into your soaked heat, moaning loudly at the feeling of them. They weren’t enough though and they never would be. Not when you knew what all of him felt like, not when you knew exactly how he could make your body react. “Want. Fuck. Need more Baek.” You whimpered. “Wanna feel you.”

“I know you do baby, but you can’t have more right now. You’re just gonna have to fuck yourself on your fingers for me.” He moaned as he thought of stuffing you full of his cock, fucking you until you couldn’t form words. “Let me hear you.”

You moved the phone so it sat between your legs, hyper aware of how he could now hear exactly how wet you were for him. “Christ I’m so fucking hard for you, you know that right?” He groaned. “That sounds so fucking hot, holy shit. You’re dripping for me baby.”

You moaned again, hearing his voice like this was tearing you apart. “Tell me. Unf. Tell me what you’re doing.”

“I’m lying on the bed, pants around my ankles as I jerk myself off wishing I was fucking your mouth or your pussy instead of my fist. You feel amazing wrapped around my cock, like your body was made for me.” 

“Shit.” You whimpered. “What I wouldn’t give to sink down on your cock right now.” You sped up your movements, chasing your high.

He groaned loudly. “Fuck. You have a filthy mouth, you know that noona?”

“I’m visiting the gutter at present.” You smiled.

He laughed, never ceasing his rapid movements. “How committed to the gutter are you right now?”

“I’m having phone sex, what do you think?” You chuckled, your breath hitching as your hand grazed your clit.

“Touche.” He replied, grunting as his body responded to the sounds you were making. “By chance did you bring any toys with you? Long shot I know.”

“I. Fuck.” You replied. “I brought my vibrator with me.”

“Shit. Go get it.” He slowed his movements while he waited for you to retrieve your toy. He really wanted to cum at the same time as you but if the sounds you were making with just your fingers were any indication, he was in for an impossible task. He heard you return to the bed and instructed. “Turn it on, low speed. Keep fucking yourself on your fingers for me. I want you to hold it just far enough from your clit that you have to grind into it to feel it.” He started moving his own hand again once he could hear the low buzz of your vibrator and the squelch of your fingers. He was matching his pace to yours and every time you moaned or whimpered his name, he felt his cock twitch. “Fuck noona, the sounds you’re making are so hot.”

You’d forgotten to respond to him but at this point he didn’t really care. He could hear everything you were doing, everything he had instructed you to do and the sounds you were making were driving him insane. “If I was there, I’d be fucking you into that mattress so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk properly. I can hear how wet you are for me baby.”  

You cried out his name as you moved even faster, hearing him do the same. “Feels so good Baek, not as good as your cock but holy shit.” You could feel that familiar tingling in your core, and knew that you weren’t far from reaching your peak.

He cried out in ecstasy. “Shit. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last noona. You’re making such sweet noises for me.”

You whimpered. “Baek, please.” It felt so good and like not enough all at once.  

He panted, somehow still able to form coherent thoughts. “You wanna cum baby?”

“I’m so close, please, I need more.” You whined. 

“Increase the speed and get yourself off baby. However you need to, just let me hear you as you come undone for me.” He listened as you increased the speed, crying out as you pressed the vibrator against your clit, holding it there while you fucked yourself on your fingers. “So good for me. Fuck I -”

“Baek.” You moaned. You were so close, so fucking close but you needed to hear him. To hear him lose it at the sound of you fucking yourself like he told you to. 

“Mmmph, yes baby?” He moaned, so close to finishing, you could tell by the strain in his voice, the speed of his hand and the erratic breathing.

“I wanna hear you cum. Please.” Your final request was all that it took to throw him over the edge, and hearing him moan your name as he came hurtled you into your own orgasm which made you see stars.

For a few moments all that could be heard was erratic breathing. Baek broke the silence. “Holy shit.”

“No kidding.” You replied, a post orgasm smile forming on your face. 

***

“You’re sure you messaged him?” Minseok asked as he paced around the room. He’d been doing this for the past five minutes and it was beginning to stress you out.

You reassured him. “Positive. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” You could see that your words weren’t having the desired effect so you stood and moved to block the path he was wearing through the carpet. 

He realised what you had done at the last possible moment and stopped before he walked smack bang into you. You grabbed his hand, your free hand cupping his cheek. “Hey, calm down. This dinner isn’t a big deal.”

Minseok narrowed his eyes at you as he fidgeted. “Maybe not for you, but I feel like I’m about to embarrass myself in front of someone I work with, and live with.”

“You seriously need to just trust me.” You sighed. “Plus the first part of this dinner isn’t even about you anyway.”

The sound of knuckles rapping on the door caused Minseok’s next words to freeze in his throat. You gestured at him to look normal as you moved to open the door. He did his best but anxiety was seeping out of him in waves. There was no way Baek wouldn’t know something was off about him.

Baekhyun stepped into the room, grinning and giving you a hug. “I’m sorry I’m late! I fell asleep earlier and only just woke up.”

“You must have been tired Baek.” You smirked.

“I was worn out.” He said with a glint in his eye.

You ignored his comment, knowing full well what would happen if the two of you indulged in banter for any length of time, and instead chose to lead both of them further into the room. You turned around when you reached the small multipurpose table that was going to serve as your dining table. “Organising dinner was on me and I figured that since the final tour date is in two days that you could both have a bit of a cheat meal.” You saw words of protest appear on both of their lips, Baek’s far less truthful than Minseok's. “Before you complain, I ordered Korean food. I know you’ve been missing it. I didn’t order the healthiest food imaginable but it’ll be delicious and hopefully comforting.”

Minseok smiled at you. “That actually sounds great.”

“And Baek, don’t worry, there’s no cucumbers this time.”

Baekhyun did a little happy dance which made both you and Minseok laugh. “Noona doesn’t hate me!” He sang.

You looked down at your phone as you checked the app and saw how far away the driver was. “It should be here soon. I’ll go down to the lobby to collect it while you two set up somewhere to eat. I’ll be back soon.” You gestured around the room to help them get the message that they needed to move things around so that you could all eat. 

Minseok sent you a warning glare as you left the room. “Noona,” You ignored the complaint in his voice, knowing that if all went well you’d probably pay for that action later. Right now what mattered was getting some food into all of you.

***

Minseok set down his chopsticks after finishing a piece of chicken. “Alright, enough stalling. Tell us about your meeting.” You had been waiting for him to broach the topic, figuring maybe his nerves about the other conversation might have pushed this one out of the way.

Baekhyun was a little less gracious, immediately speaking whilst still trying to eat. The guy could sing and dance at the same time but he could not eat and talk simultaneously - no matter how hard he tried. “Yeah, what happened?” He started in between bites of his piece of chicken. “What did they say?” Another bite. “What did you say?” Another bite.

“Are you staying with us?” Minseok asked softly.

“Are they assigning you to another group?” Baekhyun asked with a certain amount of worry in his voice.

“Guys, calm down.” You set your own chopsticks down so you could talk to them before they bombarded you with questions. “The meeting went well. It was with two of the managers and Junmyeon was there as EXO’s representative. We all just discussed the criteria I was given when I took on the role. Feedback was provided from the staff as well as from you guys and then I provided my own opinions regarding my performance. Overall it was quite positive.” You smiled. It was the truth - the meeting was positive. Mostly.

Baek cheered as he engulfed you in a hug. “That’s great news! See we all told you how great you are at your job.”

Minseok however, was more reserved. He had a half smile on his face that said he knew there was more to the story than what you’d provided. “Why am I sensing a ‘it was quite positive, but’ moment?”

Baek stilled, refusing to detach himself from you. You sighed. “They have to send the performance discussion to the CEO and then he will make the final decision about my employment after your final performance. We won’t know the outcome until we’re back in Korea.”

“So you just get to stress about it until then? That doesn’t seem fair.” Baek muttered.

“I’m stressing about a few things.” You replied honestly. Maybe it was time to let them know what your brain had been wrestling with. 

“Like what?” Minseok asked earnestly as he reached across the table and grabbed your hand. “You know you can tell us. No matter what it is.”

You nodded. “Of course I’m stressed about my job. If they don’t keep me working with you guys, will they assign me to another group at SM or will I be going back to Mr. Kim and waiting for him to find me another group to teach?”

Baek rubbed your shoulders, muttering to no one in particular about the tightness of your muscles. His touch was both calming and distracting, which was precisely your problem. He paused to reassure you. “I’m going to speak for all of us when I say that you are great at your job regardless of the reward system you implemented. It was a definite bonus but even without that aspect of the lessons, we all improved greatly.”

Minseok squeezed your hand as he stared at you, his eyes full of warmth and love. “You’ll land on your feet no matter what happens there. You’re an excellent teacher and the company would be dumb to let you go to their competition.”

“That is another thing I stressed about.” You said, soft voice thick with emotion. “Were you only so willing to learn because it wasn’t always exactly professional? Our relationship was blurred before I was employed as your teacher.” It was something you had been increasingly unsure of recently. Would they have been as attentive and willing to learn if you had been less familiar and suggestive with them? Had you taken advantage of the situation? Had you taken advantage of them? These were all questions you were beginning to ask yourself and the negative thoughts  were growing louder by the day in your mind.

As if sensing the inner turmoil you were feeling, Minseok moved his chair closer to you so that he could grab your free hand. “If anything I think the fact that we knew you and got along with you before you were our teacher only helped make us feel more relaxed around you.” He smiled at the man who had resumed back hugging you. “Like Baek said, the less than professional side of the lessons was a bonus but at the end of the day you took our learning styles into consideration and adjusted the way you taught to suit each of us. That is not something every company assigned teacher does. They usually stick to their lesson plans rigidly and we have to work harder if their style of teaching is not beneficial for us.” 

His words pierced through, causing you to feel far more emotional than you had planned to be this evening. “Thank you Minnie.” You said, your voice trembling slightly. 

He released one of your hands to wipe away a stray tear that had escaped your eyes. “You are a phenomenal teacher. Don’t cheapen what you’ve accomplished just because you happen to have slept with us.” You choked out a laugh as he wiped a few more tears away. “We are all incredibly proud of our super talented friend and teacher for doing what no one else had been able to accomplish - teaching EXO English.” You smiled genuinely at that, thanking him for his words.

You tried to shrug but the act was harder to do with Baekhyun restricting your movement. “Pretty much.”

 “Was that everything you’re stressing about?” Baek asked softly from behind you, his head resting on your shoulder.

You shook your head. “Nothing I feel like discussing at this time though.” He narrowed his eyes at you in concern while you felt Baek remove himself from behind you, dragging his chair closer to Minseok’s so he could see your face as well. You saw the concern in his eyes and all you wanted to do was get away from this conversation. You weren’t ready for that part of the conversation yet and they would both have to trust you enough to not try and push you for answers. “I promise I will tell you as soon as I’m ready. I won’t dwell on it or anything like that.”

Baek crossed his arms. “I’d better not have to find you by the Han River again after you’ve gotten too upset.”

Minseok wasn’t having it. “I can tell from your face that there’s more…”

“You won’t. I promise.” You assured him. You had no intention of feeling as lost as you had that day. He nodded, sharing a look with Minseok that told you that they believed you and would let it go for now, but that this conversation wasn’t over. You would tell them eventually but you needed to work out the answer yourself before you even brought it up with them. You took a sip of your drink and wondered how exactly the conversation had been derailed so much that you had shed tears. That was not what tonight was supposed to be about. “I’m changing the topic now.” You stated. “How do you feel about the tour coming to an end?”

Baek smiled. “It’s been a lot of fun actually getting to visit places where we never thought we’d have that many fans. We’re only done with the American leg of the tour though. We’ve got the encore show in Seoul to prepare for, then the tour will officially be finished.” He licked his lips. “And then I can eat all the pizza I want.”

Minseok laughed as he begrudgingly added. “But then we have to start to work on the next album as well as CBX’s Japanese debut.”

“No rest for the wicked.” You replied.

Minseok shook his head. “No rest on the horizon for us. Are we tired? Sure. Do we love what we do? Absolutely. I think we all realise that we kind of get to rest in a couple of years once we have to start enlisting. EXO will have to take a break then.”

Baek chuckled. “We’re all workaholics though. So we’ll rest but to most people we’ll still appear to have too many schedules.”

Minseok sighed as he shook his head. “Why do we keep moving to heavy topics of discussion? Can we stick to lighter things?”

“Pick a topic then.” You smiled.

“Hyung. I think you owe me an apology.” Baekhyun blurted out.

Minseok looked bewildered. “For what?” He asked.

Baek stood abruptly and pointed back and forth between you and Minseok vigorously. “I was right the whole time! You and noona were fucking, the entire time!”

“Baek, seriously?” You blurted.

“It’s ok.” Minseok smirked. An unexpected action given the man was a nervous wreck not even an hour ago but he was if anything, never to be underestimated. “Baek, tell me, when have I ever denied it?” He asked, his head cocked to the side.

“What? Yah! You did though! Every time I brought it up!” Baek’s voice was increasing in volume as he got worked up.

Minseok however, remained the picture of unbothered, leaning further back in his chair as he got comfortable. Every other time Baek had brought up the idea of you and Minseok fucking, the elder had always been one breath away from punching him, but now that there were no bystanders he was toying with Baek. “No. I just never confirmed it. I never said we weren’t though. You just assumed that since I never told you you were right.” He shrugged.

Baek’s mouth opened and closed rapidly as he tried to find a fault in Minseok’s reasoning. “I. But. You.”

Minseok raised a brow. “You know I’m right.” He said.

Baek nodded a few times as he realised he had never heard Minseok or you deny that you were sleeping together. “Smooth hyung, smooth.”

“Shut up.” Minseok muttered, laughing under his breath, light dancing in his eyes.

“Wait! I have a question then.” He blurted.

Minseok groaned, that light dimming slightly. “Why do I know I’m not going to like this question…” 

“Don’t hate me. I’m just really curious.” Baek grinned.

“Fine.” He said.

“Since the two of you were fucking the whole time, how did a reward even work for you?” 

“Baek.” You warned. 

“What?” He exclaimed. “You told me everyone got a sexual reward, or punishment, and I get that. But if the two of you were already well acquainted with each other's bits then how could anything sexual still count as a reward for you?” It was a valid question, and the more you thought about it, it did lead to telling Baek about the threesome… and you were curious to see if Minseok would take the bait.

Minseok’s reply was guarded. The easygoing light was gone from his eyes, replaced by a wall. You willed him to just relax and tell Baek everything, knowing it would be better for Minseok’s confidence if it came from him rather than you. “I made a request.”

“But haven’t had it fulfilled yet?” He asked.

“Correct.” 

It was like trying to draw blood from a stone and Baek was doing his best to be respectful in how he asked. “Like, I don’t mean to pry but you have to know that kind of response only makes me more curious about what you asked for hyung.”

“Don’t play dumb Baek, you know what I asked for.” Minseok snapped. “She already told me that she accidentally spilled that information.” He groaned, embarrassed by the entire situation.

Baek took it in his stride as he continued the conversation as though Minseok wasn’t trying everything in his power to end it. “I have follow up questions.”

“Baek.” You tried. He shot you a look that said he’s my hyung and I know his moods better than you do sweetheart.

He pressed on with his questions. “Have you planned it yet?”

“What?” Minseok replied, growing exasperated but not surprised by the younger's antics.

“I don’t know hyung! I assume threesomes take planning?!” Baek threw his hands in the air, laughing nervously. 

Minseok stilled, finally understanding that Baek was trying to make him feel at ease with the topic at hand. “I. No, it has not been planned yet.”

“Oh, ok.” He replied, unsure of where to go next. 

Minseok put his head in his hands and grumbled. “Can we please stop talking about this?”

Baek smiled at Minseok lovingly. “Sorry hyung, I was just curious. Didn’t mean to make you self conscious.” He cleared his throat. “Just to be clear, there is absolutely no judgement from me, in case that was something you were now feeling weird about.”

Minseok had not removed his face from his hands but he still replied. “It’s fine. It’s just not a normal topic of conversation.”

It was time for you to step in and try to get this conversation to where it needed to go. Baek was closing in on it but had not asked the right question, nor did it seem like Minseok was going to provide the information required even if he had been asked the right question. “Baek, how do you feel about threesomes?” You asked.

Baek had not been expecting that question. “Well I’ve never had one noona, but I dunno, they sound like they could be good if the right people were involved.”

You pressed on, hoping that if you didn’t provide him room to think too much he wouldn’t make an ill-timed joke.“If you were to be involved in one, would you opt for two women or a man and a woman?” 

He mulled over the question for a bit, taking it seriously. “As hot as two women sounds, it also seems like a lot of work,” he began and you heard a small laugh from Minseok. Okay maybe jokes weren’t the worst thing Baek could throw into this conversation. “and not gonna lie I’d probably just watch the two of them and cum embarrassingly fast.” He laughed nervously. “So I’d probably go for a man and a woman.” He saw the look in your eyes and exclaimed. “What?”

You shook your head. “Nothing. I just appreciate your honesty.”

“You’re welcome?” He replied, slightly confused and feeling rather exposed. He fidgeted for a moment before standing and pointing at the fridge. “I’m getting a drink.”

Once Baekhyun was out of earshot Minseok glared at you and hissed. “What are you doing noona?”

You smiled innocently. “What? This is the perfect way to introduce the idea to him.”

Minseok was wrestling with his anxiety and fear of rejection. “But. Shit, I don’t know. Why is this so nerve wracking?” He wanted to get it out there but he was so terrified of the response.

It was your turn to squeeze his hand in reassurance. “Just follow my lead now, then if things go like I think they might, I’ll follow your instructions later.” You winked.

“...Fine.” He replied, not entirely certain that this wasn’t all going to end in flames.

You leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Just so you know, if this topic of conversation hadn’t come up naturally I was just going to bring it up. This is a far better way to do it though. Plus, you are not blind, you can see he’s interested.” You kissed his cheek as you pulled away.

“Can the floor just open up and swallow me already?” He groaned, looking anywhere but at you or Baek..

“So Baekkie,” You smiled. “I have some questions now.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked suspiciously.

“Like what?” You replied.

He stared at you. “Like a cat circling a mouse.”

“No idea what you’re talking about.” You replied, cutting him off before he could say anything more. “Anyway, my questions. Will you answer five questions for me?”

“Um, ok.” He looked confused but he rarely refused games involving questions with you. “Does Minseokkie have to answer as well?” He asked.

“He doesn’t have to,” You replied as you brushed your hand over Minseok’s leg.. “but I think it would be more fun if he did.”

“Okay.” Baek replied.

“Maybe.” Minseok added.

Here went nothing. Things were about to either get really awkward or work out swimmingly. “Do you like to watch?” You asked.

Baekhyun replied slowly. “That’s very vague noona.”

You replied sarcastically. “Given the previous topic of discussion I felt like it didn’t need to be more specific.” Neither of the two men looked like they were opting to speak first which simply was not going to work for you. “Fine. I’ll rephrase. Does the idea of watching two people having sex appeal to you?”

Baekhyun nodded. “I’ve watched porn, so that feels like a given.” He said matter of factly.

“Yeah.” Minseok agreed.

“Does the idea of having someone tell you where to touch your partner, and how to fuck them turn you on?” You asked, hoping this question would elicit more of a response out of them.

Baek shifted in his seat, a slight blush tinting his ears. “I, um. That. Yeah, that does sound really hot actually.”

Minseok however, as you expected, was not as enthralled by the idea of giving up control. “Hmm, not really.” He replied succinctly.

“Does the image of you and another guy sharing a woman, fucking her at the same time, hearing her fall apart because of the pleasure you’re both giving her make you feel some type of way?” It definitely made you feel some type of way, and you knew both of them were interested in the idea of a threesome so this question should have been an easy one to respond to.

Baekhyun swallowed thickly. “Fuck.” He was a bit flustered, the tips of his ears turned slightly red.  “Um, yes. That sounds really fucking hot.” He nodded.

Minseok still looked guarded but there was a fire in his eyes that told you all you needed to know. “Yes.” was the only reply you received.

Time for the final step. There was no taking this image back once you’d put it out there. “Would the idea of the woman being me, and the other guy being your hyung be a turn off?”

Baekhyun smiled softly, a complete dichotomy to the nature of the question you had asked. “Actually, not to expose myself here, but that’s what I’ve been imagining this whole time, and as long as it doesn’t get weird then no, it is absolutely not a turn off at all.” He avoided looking at either of you out of slight embarrassment. 

Minseok stilled, his breathing rough. “Fuck.” Reality slammed into him as he finally knew that his request was possible and that he would not be rejected.

You pressed on, hoping to calm the tension that was growing in the room. Baekhyun had yet to look at either of you after admitting that he was turned on at the thought of sharing you with his hyung. “Would you believe that your hyung picked you to be the one he wanted involved in his reward?”

His head shot up, eyes wide. “What?”

Minseok suddenly felt very exposed. “Noona!” He yelled.

Baekhyun shook his head. “Wait really?” He pointed at himself. “Me?”

You nodded, grinning as you replied. “Yes. You.”

He sucked in a deep breath and looked at Minseok. “I want to preface this with, I am flattered and 100% down for this but I have a question.” Minseok waited. “Why me hyung?” He asked.

Minseok looked torn between being relieved that this request seemed within his grasp and hoping that the earth would crack open and swallow him whole so that he didn’t have to explain to Baekhyun why he chose him for a threesome with you. “Uh… do I have to answer?” 

Baek narrowed his eyes at Minseok. “Yeah. You do.”

He took a deep breath and averted his gaze as he spoke, still embarrassed to be saying this in front of Baek. “You seem open minded, you have never shamed me when I’ve let a kink drop in a conversation.”

Baek nodded. “True.”

Minseok fidgeted with his hands as the anxiety worked its way out of him. “I also, uh this is embarrassing, I like to be in charge when it comes to sex. And I don’t think you’re the type who would challenge me on that.” He finally turned his gaze to Baek as he uttered his next sentence. “I also trust you not to fuck this up.”

“Thanks hyung.” Baek smiled brightly, laughing to himself right after. “Wow, what a fucking weird conversation.” He took a beat to centre himself before honestly replying. “Uh, you aren’t wrong though.” He shrugged. “I have no problem taking charge during sex but I also take instruction well and don’t care if I’m calling the shots or not.” Thay boyish grin returned to his face as he couldn’t help himself. “I’m just happy to be there.”

“Noona,” Minseok said as he waved his hand in front of your face. “Are you ok?” He asked.

“Hmm?” You shook your head as your eyes focused on the two men staring at you. “Sorry, I was just thinking about…” You replied, not realising how off with the fairies you had been.

“About what?” Baekhyun asked, a knowing gleam in his eyes.

Your breath shuddered as you spoke. “About both of you fucking me. Sorry, my brain is heavily distracted right now.” You bit your lip as you tapped your temple with your finger. “There are a lot of incredibly hot images taking place in there.”

“So uh, I guess the question of the hour is - are we doing this now?” Minseok asked quietly. Even though Baekhyun had all but jumped for joy at being selected as the third person, Minseok was still nervous about the whole thing. You remained silent while he posed the question, having led the discussion to this point, you were curious to see if he’d take over and lead from here. He gestured between all three of you before he continued speaking, his voice gaining in confidence the more he spoke. “Clearly we are all down for it, and none of us are unaffected right now. But do we need some time to consider it?”

You shook your head. He knew you were down bad for it since you kept drifting off into a daze whenever you thought about it. He all but smirked at you before turning his focus to Baek.

“I don’t need any time.” Baekhyun replied. It wasn’t a rushed response, just one he sounded very sure of. Both of your gazes focused on Minseok. His response would determine if you were fucking these two men tonight or if you were scheduling a threesome, which seemed like the strangest possible calendar entry you could make.

“I’m down,” He loosened a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding in. “I’ll just need a little bit of time to mentally prepare for it.” His gummy smile flashing as he realised the situation he was discussing. Baek raised his hand. “Uh, yes?” Minseok replied.

“I have more questions.” He paused, thinking over his next words carefully. “I’m completely up for this experience but we are going to have to talk about how it will work y’know. So we don’t overstep or make it weird.” 

You smiled warmly at both of them, proud that Minseok had persevered through his nerves to get to this point. He hadn’t been rejected (and you knew he never had that to fear) and was actually manifesting going through with it tonight. Proud of Baek for having the forethought to ask about boundaries to make sure the experience was good for all involved. Rather than coo at them about any of that, you decided to try and act nonchalant in an attempt to hide how badly you wanted both of them. “Alright then how about you go prepare. We’ll know when you return if Xiumin is getting his reward tonight or not.” You looked at Baek. “And if Xiu comes out, we will discuss how things will proceed. It’s his reward - we’re just excited to be here.”

A/N: Now you all just have to wait for me to die from writing this threesome, resurrect myself, dies while editing it, be resurrected again and then I’ll unleash it upon you. We’re so close to the end and I honestly don’t know how to thank everyone who has stuck with this fic because it’s been a damn long time. Years! So thank you - I really, truly appreciate it.

Masterpost | Chapter 45 | Chapter 47

[soft-jihoonie]

I Wanna Stay By You Forever - Chapter 8

Kyungsoo x Jongdae + Baekhyun x Chanyeol + Sehun x Jongin - 2.3K Words - Fluff and Angst

Part 2 of the Baby Don’t Go series - Part 1 is here

This is also posted on AO3.

A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven

Kyungsoo goes two days without speaking to or seeing Jongdae. Since they’d started their situationship, they’ve never gone this long without speaking before. Jongdae has tried messaging and calling Kyungsoo, but Kyungsoo just doesn’t feel able to see him yet. He’s sure some people may think he’s being overdramatic, but he’d let himself fall too easily into the idea of being Jongdae’s boyfriend, and it still hurts to think that Jongdae never saw a future for them. He guesses he’d let himself get hopeful that he and Jongdae would end up blissfully happy like Chanyeol and Baekhyun, but this wake-up call has reminded him of the pain Chanyeol went through to get to this happiness.

Speaking of the devil, Chanyeol walks into the living room, lightly tapping Kyungsoo’s head as he says, “What ya thinking about, Soo?”

“Do you think I’m being overdramatic?”

Chanyeol moves over to the cereal cupboard in the kitchen, pulling out a box of cornflakes as he responds, “Staring into a bowl of cereal at 10am looking like your world’s ending? Yeah, I’d say that’s a bit overdramatic.”

Kyungsoo chuckles, finally taking another bite of his now soggy cereal. Chanyeol walks over to the table, setting his bowl of cereal down opposite Kyungsoo. As he pulls the chair out to sit down, Kyungsoo responds, “No, I mean do you think I’m being overdramatic about the Jongdae situation?”

Chanyeol stops mid-chew, swallowing before responding, “I mean, I think it’s perfectly understandable that the whole situation hurt you so much.”

“But?”

“But, there’s only so long Baekhyun and I can tell Jongdae you’re ill and don’t want to see anybody, I mean you must get how hard it is for Baekhyun to lie to Jongdae.”

Kyungsoo nods, eating a few more spoonfuls of cereal before finally responding, “You’re right, I should at least send him a text so he doesn’t think I’m dead.”

Chanyeol smiles and says, “Thank fuck, you have no idea how whiney Baekhyun’s been to me.”

Kyungsoo chuckles, standing up with his bowl in hand as he responds, “I hadn’t heard anything?”

“Of course, he’s not gonna whine to you, he’s just a whiney baby to me”

Kyungsoo laughs as he heads to wash his bowl, calling back, “Should I tell him you said that?”

“Tell him and I’ll tell Jongdae you spent the weekend moping over him”

Washing his bowl, Kyungsoo responds, “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Chanyeol smirks as he comes into the kitchen, nudging Kyungsoo out of the way of the sink as he says, “That’s what I thought.”

Kyungsoo places his bowl on the drying rack, drying his hands with a tea towel before pulling his phone out of his pocket as he responds, “You’re the worst best friend.”

“Oh really? Is that why you’re about to take my advice and message Jongdae?”

“How do you know I’m not just texting Mingyu?”

Leaning over to look at Kyungsoo’s phone screen, Chanyeol says, “Because you’d never take that long to type out ‘Hello’ to Mingyu.”

Kyungsoo pushes Chanyeol away, deleting the ‘Hello’ as he says, “If you’re not going to help me then go bother your boyfriend.”

Chanyeol lets out a dramatic sigh, taking the phone out of Kyungsoo’s hand as he says, “Alright, I suppose I’ll lend you my master communication skills.”

Kyungsoo lets out a laugh, he wants to argue but Chanyeol has his phone and could very much jeopardise him right now. So instead, he just says, “Promise me you’ll show me what you’ve written before you press send?”

“Yeah yeah, I promise, I’m basically done.”

Sure enough, a few moments later Chanyeol passes Kyungsoo the phone, calling out “You can thank me later”, as he walks out of the kitchen.

Kyungsoo ignores him, eyes lowering to read the typed-out message on the phone screen. He has to give it to Chanyeol, he clearly knows how Kyungsoo would text. The message reads ‘Hey, sorry for the silence. I had an awful cold and couldn’t do much but sleep. Chanyeol had to force me to let him look after me, you know how stubborn I can be!’

Kyungsoo’s finger hovers over send before he decided to add ‘I hope you’re doing okay x’ as an afterthought. He doesn’t want Jongdae to think he hates him or doesn’t want him around, it’s not Jongdae’s fault that he got so attached.

He reads the message over a few more times before deciding that he can’t do anything more and pressing send. The moment he sees the words on the screen in a blue bubble, he quickly locks his phone, stuffing it in his pyjama pant pockets and deciding to go and get dressed.

He ignores the worry blooming across his body, trying to think about anything but the phone in his pocket and whether Jongdae’s read it yet or will even want to talk to him again.

When he reaches his bedroom, he places his phone on his bed, deciding he’ll look at it again for any potential messages once he’s dressed. He knows he’s trying to put off possible disappointment but after a weekend of moping, he’s not sure if he can handle further rejection. He dresses comfortably, still having no plans to leave the house, and he can’t deny that disappointment shoots through him when he sees that he’s not had a reply.

Telling himself he’s silly for expecting a reply so quickly, he grabs his laptop to take downstairs, planning on researching some new recipes to experiment with. Chanyeol shakes his head at Kyungsoo’s choice of clothes when they come out of their rooms at the same time. The former is dressed nicely with his hair styled, making Kyungsoo look like a mess in comparison.

Looking Chanyeol up and down before heading towards the stairs, Kyungsoo asks, “Date with Baekhyun?”

Following him down the stairs, Chanyeol responds, “Yeah we’re checking out a new record shop in town, probably be gone for a few hours.”

Kyungsoo heads into the living room, stopping and looking back when he hears Chanyeol ask, “You gonna be okay alone if I go?”

Shaking his head amusedly, Kyungsoo responds, “I’ll be fine Yeol, I’m not a child.”

He hears Chanyeol call out, “Could’ve fooled me”, just before the front door shuts. Rolling his eyes to himself, Kyungsoo sits down on the couch, turning his laptop on.

As sure as he was that he’d be okay, the silence of the house feels suffocating and all he can think about is checking his phone. Turning on the television for background noise, Kyungsoo throws himself into his research, succeeding for an hour at least. After an hour, he convinces himself that surely it’s okay to check his phone now.

Reaching forward to get his phone from where he’d placed it on the coffee table, he can’t help but feel nervous as he tilts the phone forward to light the screen up. A moment of happiness shoots through him when he notices a text message notification but it’s quickly followed by disappointment when he realises the message is from Mingyu.

Feeling like a bad friend for his reaction, he clicks on the notification, reading Mingyu’s message, ‘KYUNGSOO HELP’

Kyungsoo chuckles to himself at Mingyu’s dramatic ways, responding ‘what’s wrong, Mingyu?’

Moments later Kyungsoo’s phone rings, and Mingyu’s name appears on the screen. Kyungsoo takes a moment to prepare himself for interaction outside of Chanyeol before answering the call.

He can barely start to say hello when Mingyu blurts out, “Kyungsoo, Wonwoo is on a date right now at my workplace, I can’t handle this.”

Kyungsoo chuckles quietly before responding, “How do you want me to help you?”

“God, I don’t know Kyungsoo, maybe you can at least come to the cafe to distract me.”

Kyungsoo sighs loudly, weighing up his options in his head. He settles on the thought that really it’ll be good to get himself out of the house, responding, “Okay fine, text me the address.”

Mingyu sighs in relief, loudly saying, “Thank you Kyungsoo, I love you!”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, mumbling out, “Yeah yeah, see you soon”, before hanging up.

He takes a moment to prepare himself before dragging himself off the couch and up the stairs to his bedroom. One look in the mirror has him realising how much of a state he let himself become and he decides in that moment to sort himself out.

It takes him about 15 minutes to wash up and get changed and then he’s checking his phone for the address Mingyu sent him. Surprised by the fact he had no idea Mingyu had started working at the same cafe as Sehun, he pulls on his shoes and heads out of the house, texting Mingyu that he’s just left.

The fresh air is nice and the sun feels warm on his skin. Kyungsoo hates that he let himself hide away for a whole 2 days, telling himself that it was pathetic of him. He makes sure to enjoy his surroundings, looking all around him as he walks the familiar route to the cafe.

The walk only takes around 15 minutes and soon he’s arriving at the cafe, spotting Wonwoo and his supposed date sitting at a window table. He opens the door to the cafe and immediately is greeted by Mingyu, who clumsily pulls Kyungsoo into the cafe, loudly saying, “Kyungsoo, I’m so glad you’re here.”

Kyungsoo allows himself to be dragged to the ordering point, scanning the cafe for Sehun who he hasn’t seen in a long time. His eyes finally land on him, a smile appearing on his face at the sight of Sehun clinging to another attractive man, said man giggling. Sehun then makes eye contact with Kyungsoo, a wider grin appearing on his face as he comes up to the ordering point Mingyu has dragged Kyungsoo to.

Mingyu practically hangs on Kyungsoo’s shoulders as Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at Sehun and asks, “Who’s the cutie?”

A blush appears on Sehun’s cheeks as he says, “He’s called Jongin, he’s a new worker like Mingyu.”

Kyungsoo can’t help the smirk on his face as he says, “Mhmm okay, and how long have you liked Jongin for?”

Sehun’s eyes widen, quickly checking to see if Jongin’s heard before hissing out, “I don’t like Jongin!”

Kyungsoo lets out a chuckle and says, “Alright well you let me know when you’ve stopped being so dumb. Also, I’ll have a black coffee please.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, starting to ring up the order on the till as he says, “I don’t see you in months and you call me dumb, thanks Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo laughs, paying for his drink as he says, “You’re welcome, Sehunnie!” He’s almost immediately dragged away to a table by Mingyu, being pushed into a chair.

Mingyu pulls up the chair opposite and says, “God, Kyungsoo, what do I do? I can’t handle my crush on a date here.”

Kyungsoo glances over at Wonwoo again, observing him and his supposed date for a moment before saying, “Are you sure it’s a date Mingyu? It doesn’t seem very date-like.”

“He’s here with a girl, they hugged when he arrived, I’m pretty sure it’s a date”

“You do know men can be friends with women, right Mingyu?”

Mingyu rolls his eyes, loudly exclaiming, “Of course I do, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he sees Wonwoo’s head turn their way. A look of recognition settling on his face as he stands and begins to walk over. Mingyu swings his head around to see what Kyungsoo’s looking at before he looks back at Kyungsoo with a look of horror.

Mingyu hisses out, “What the fuck do I do?”

Kyungsoo chuckles and pats Mingyu’s arm sympathetically as he says, “Just relax, he’s probably just coming to say hi.”

Wonwoo strides up to the table moments later, grinning at the two of them as he says, “I didn’t know you two were here! What brings you to this cafe?”

Noticing Mingyu is unable to answer, Kyungsoo shrugs and says, “Mingyu started working here recently and my friend Sehun works here too so I thought I’d just come to see them both! What about you? On a date?”

Wonwoo laughs loudly, glancing back at the woman he’s left at the table as he responds, “God no, I’m just having a catch-up with my cousin, she’s in town for the week.”

Trying not to chuckle at Mingyu visibly relaxing, Kyungsoo says, “My bad, that must be nice!”

Wonwoo nods, looking at Mingyu as he says, “So, how long have you been working here Mingyu? I’ve been coming here for a while and haven’t seen you.”

Mingyu starts stuttering out an answer and seeing Wonwoo’s look of endearment, Kyungsoo takes that as his cue to move away. Sehun signals to him that his coffee is ready and Kyungsoo strolls over to the drink collection counter.

Jongin, the new kid, holds the takeaway cup with his coffee in out to him, grinning as he says, “You’re Kyungsoo, right?”

Kyungsoo nods as he takes the coffee, “Yeah that’s me! Thanks for the coffee.”

“Sehunnie’s told me so much about you! It’s nice to finally meet you.”

A soft smile appears on Kyungsoo’s face at the nickname and he responds, “Nice to meet you too! I’m going to head off so see you around.”

Kyungsoo waves goodbye to Sehun, heading towards the door to the cafe. He’s just stepped outside when he hears a voice call out, “Kyungsoo!”

Turning towards the sound of the voice, Kyungsoo’s eyes land on Jongdae rushing towards him with a grin on his face.

Kyungsoo tenses up, not really ready to see Jongdae so soon. He doesn’t hug back when Jongdae pulls him into a hug.

Jongdae pulls back to look at Kyungsoo, hands on either side of Kyungsoo’s arms, a frown on his face as he says, “Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?”

Kyungsoo sighs, realising this is the moment he needs to talk to Jongdae about what he heard. Jongdae reaches towards Kyungsoo’s face as if to cup it and Kyungsoo steps backwards out of his hold.

Jongdae’s frown deepens as he asks, “What’s going on?”

Kyungsoo runs a hand through his hair exasperatedly before finally breathing out, “Jongdae, we need to talk.”

[exouniverse]

Chanyeol (late) birthday fic -WIP

Like obviously it has not been easy to finish Chanyeol’s birthday fic for me… how am I on over 8k words and still haven’t reached the end??? I am right on the finish line but girl… I knew it from the beginning, it was going to be a little long but this is closely reaching Kyungsoo’s fic word count. What do I do with myself fr 🙃 I say I would write small (about 1k or less) birthday fics but I am here writing them longer and longer and longer 😅

Here’s a little (not too flashy) summary if you want to read when I post it:

Established relationship, both with the same birthday. They create a bet and compete to see who throws the best party for the other. Bring in the Exo squad to pick sides and take part in the bet. Chanyeol ends up not going overboard and making something simple just for his loved one, surprising them with a private moment and a song to express what he’s been feeling. Like ILY milestone.