#when i get sick my period is extremely weird. like one day i will have it the next day i wont and the day after that it will come back

[coronangelic1]

guess who has been sick for an entire week!!!! woo!!!!

[ddejavvu]

hiii!! can i suggest some hotch x bau!wife!reader where reader is pregnant and she doesnt know, but at work she goes on about how she doesnt know whats wrong with her lately and spencer suggests that she might be pregnant and then she find out that she is!!

I love your writing sm btw😚😚😚

i think i might finally have enough time to write whole blurbs again :'))

--

"No flamin' hot for you today, Mrs. Hotchner?" Derek eyes your bag of plain cheetos where they lay open on your desk, and you grimace at his phrasing.

"God, no," You groan, "Don't make me sick."

"You love those things," His brows furrow, and he leans on the edge of your desk with one hand, his thick fingers splayed out over the wood, "I'm pretty sure your tongue is permanently stained red by now."

"I like them when I'm not in the middle of some weird stomach bug," You admit, "I woke up sick. I don't know what did it, but it was probably something Jack brought home."

Derek pointedly removes his hand from your desk, but he's kind enough not to tell you that he thinks you're contagious.

"Feel better, mama." He offers with something that you're sure is supposed to be a sympathetic smile, but looks a little more like a wince. Emily isn't so easily scared off, though, and she continues munching on the carrot sticks she'd brought for a snack.

"You look tired," She comments, and you almost want to take offense, "You were up all night with your stomach thing?"

"No, just when my alarm went off," You hum, swallowing a bite of your sandwich and trying not to heave at the texture, "It was nice enough to let me sleep, but-" Your sentence is cut off with a well-timed yawn, "I feel like I've been awake for days."

"Probably just your period," Penelope hums softly, trying and failing to keep your menstrual cycle a secret, which isn't surprising considering her track record with secrets. Everyone is kind enough to ignore the information she revealed, but when you shake your head and grumble, 'I'm late.', Spencer snaps to attention.

"You've missed a menstrual cycle, you're feeling extreme fatigue, and you're experiencing morning sickness?" Spencer verifies, and it's only with his discerning brain that you feel a weight sink in your stomach - preferably not your unborn baby.

"Oh my god," You breathe, your hand coming subconsciously up to your stomach, "Oh my- oh my god! Aaron, Aaron!"

Aaron rushes out of his office with the combined urgency of boss and husband, his eyes locking on you sharp with concern.

The air between you is thick as the members of your team grin up at Hotch, leaving you the silence to cheer, "I'm pregnant!"

His eyes are no longer viciously worried, their sharp edge melting into something far softer. His lips part, barely enough to let air through, until they crack and curve upwards in a dazzling smile that the bullpen doesn't often get to see.

"You took a test?" He confirms, but when you shake your head, he dims slightly.

"Reid said I am," You offer, and his zeal is back. You're sure he wishes he could wrap you up in a truly breathtaking embrace, complete with kiss far too passionate for your work environment, but you'll save it until you're at home, away from prying eyes and phone cameras. Regardless, you can feel his exhilaration from where you stand, and you're already planning out a nursery in your mind.

"He's probably more trustworthy than the plastic stick," Derek claps Reid on the back, and the doctor looks like the wind was knocked out of him. They're both smiling, though, and you feel JJ's hand on your shoulder, squeezing happily.

"Congratulations," Rossi pats Aaron on the shoulder, much gentler than Reid had been subjected to, "But a word of advice, Hotch? Don't have any more. If I have to split my inheritance another way, it won't be worth killing me over."

[starkwlkr]

Can I request Ruby getting her period for the first time and her mom's not at home so Charles has to take care of her? If you're comfortable writing it ofc

we’re all girls here | charles leclerc

I know not everyone woman has the same period story (this is a safe blog and if someone starts judging about PERIODS I WILL COME AFTER YOU)

also i changed it up a little because surprisingly i had another story like this in my drafts before it was requested 😭

Y/n decided that a trip to her home country would do her some good. She hadn’t been back home in a while so she missed everything about it from her family to the delicious food. She missed home. Charles knew how much she wanted to have a vacation so he bought plane tickets just for her so she could have a stress and kid free vacation back home. She loves her kids to death, but it seemed like everything she sat on the sofa to take a break, one kid always yelled for her and with Charles gone, she just had to get up.

There was a month break from the season so Charles was home with his son and daughter. Arthur and Lorenzo were coming over soon. Ruby mostly spent her time in her room reading or watching some movie. But not this time. She was on a FaceTime call with her friend, Cassie, who was talking about the latest rumor in school.

“Don’t tell anyone I told you this but Elliot West has a crush on you. I heard Elizabeth from Art class say that. But don’t tell anyone!”

“Elliot? I thought he had a crush on you?” Ruby asked, letting out a low groan as her stomach began to hurt. All day she had been feeling sick, but she didn’t tell Charles.

“No, he likes you. His friend likes me. I think.” Cassie said.

Suddenly Ruby got a sharp pain. She never experienced it before so instantly her mind started thinking of the worst possible ideas.

“Are you okay?” Cassie asked over the phone.

“I don’t know. Bye, I have to call my mom.” Ruby ended the call before Cassie could even say bye. She quickly called her mom, but right when she needed Y/n the most, she wasn’t home. Immediately the call went to voicemail no matter how many times Ruby called. Ruby threw her phone to the ground in frustration and got up from her bed.

She paced around the room, holding her stomach in pain. She didn’t have a fever or felt like throwing up so she was extremely confused on why she had stomach pains.

Since Ruby’s door was opened, Mathéo peeked inside just to ask why she was pacing.

“Get out! You’re so annoying! Dad!” Ruby yelled, pushing her brother out the door and slamming it shut.

“Hey! Don’t slam the door! Be nice to each other!” Charles yelled back from his spot on the sofa. His brothers had arrived and now they were watching a movie on the tv.

“You’re such a dad.” Arthur laughed.

“Just wait until you have kids.” Charles teased.

Mathéo strolled into the living room with his toy car in his hand. He look unfazed by his sister’s actions. “Ruby is being weird.” He told his papa and uncles. He walked to his uncle Arthur and hopped onto his lap.

“Why’s that, Théo?” Charles asked.

“She looks like she’s in pain and I asked why she was going in circles and she kicked me out then she slammed the door.” Mathéo explained.

“Is she sick?” Lorenzo asked Charles.

“No, she didn’t mention anything. I’ll be back.” Charles said as he got up and walked to Ruby’s room. He knocked on the door several times, but got no answer so he opened the door and saw clothes scattered all over her bedroom door.

“Papa?” Charles heard Ruby call out from her bathroom.

“Baby, what did you do to your room?” Charles walked to the bathroom door. “Théo said you were in pain. What’s hurting, Ruby Jules?”

“My stomach. But . . . Papa? There’s blood on my pants.” Charles instantly knew what she meant by that. Sure, he didn’t have any sisters, but he did have girl cousins and a wife that went through it each month. (Unless she was pregnant, which she was glad she didn’t have to buy pads during that time)

“Okay, um . . I- shit. Okay, don’t panic. You’re okay, baby, everything’s fine. I’ll be right back.” Charles didn’t think his baby girl would get her first period when Y/n wasn’t present. He wasn’t exactly prepared for the moment. He left Ruby’s room in a hurry. He needed to call the only person who knew about periods that was still in Monaco.

“Is she okay? Is she dying?” Mathéo asked, still on Arthur’s lap.

“No one is dying! No!” Charles frantically looked for his phone all over the sofa. “Where is my phone?!” Mathéo pointed at the cracked phone on the coffee table. “Thank you, Théo.”

The three Leclercs watched as Charles looked like he was about to pass out. Was Ruby actually sick? They needed to know.

“Maman! You need to come over right now. Please, Ruby needs you. No, she’s okay, but Y/n isn’t here and I don’t know how to explain to her that she’s going to bleed every month without freaking her out.”

Lorenzo and Arthur both understood now. Ruby Leclerc had gotten her first period.

“Ruby is bleeding? Is she dying?!” Théo asked his uncle.

“No! Your sister isn’t dying!”

After what seemed like forever, Pascale had arrived to her son’s house. Charles led her to the bathroom Ruby was in. Unknown to them both, the other three Leclerc boys followed them.

Pascale lightly knocked on the door. “Ruby, amour, it’s grand-mère.”

“Hi.” She heard Ruby say in a whisper like tone.

“Your maman isn’t here to teach you about what’s going on, but I’m here. Can you let me in?” Pascale asked.

“But . . .”

“Amour, we’re all girls here. I promise you this isn’t something to be embarrassed about.” Pascale assured the girl.

Suddenly Mathéo laughed. He looked up at his two uncles and pointed at them. “Grand-mère called you girls!”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “She said all of us so that means you too.”

Mathéo stopped laughing. “This isn’t funny.”

Pascale sighed. “Ruby darling, unlock the door. You and I have to talk.”

“Can they leave first?” Ruby asked. She referred to all the men in her room.

Charles understood that his daughter felt more comfortable with his mother at the moment so he took Mathéo in his arms and left along with Lorenzo and Arthur.

While Pascale was busy teaching Ruby about periods, Charles was able to talk with Y/n. He caught her up on everything.

“You do know where the pads are, right?” Y/n asked.

“Can’t she use yours?”

“I forgot to stock up before I left. I didn’t think she would start early.” Replied the worried mother.

“Okay, no problem. I know which ones you get so I just need to go to the store. Should I get chocolate? Where do you keep your heating pad?”

It was safe to say that whenever Ruby would start her period and her mother wasn’t around, she was in safe hands with Charles. He was always a sweetheart whenever Y/n was on hers, bringing her all her snacks and letting her stay in bed. Ruby had nothing to worry about.

[cheecats]

To soothe you from your Riverstar's Home trauma, how about you ramble about oneripple?

YOU'RE SO KIND FOR LETTING ME GO OFF ABOUT THIS TY TY 💞💞💞 I'm terrible at structuring logical/coherent rambles, so I'll just dump some thoughts I have (obv these exclude Riverstar's Home and are roughly how I'd like to play with their dynamic [give them to me NOW erins!!])

LONG POST UNDER CUT!

Obviously this is way before the mountain cats arrive. BIG FAN of the idea that River Ripple and his small circle at the time were the ones to help One Eye and baby Star Flower get back on their feet after the two lost the rest of their family to the sickness we see again in TBS (I imagine One Eye had already treated them with the Blazing Star, but the two were still so terribly weak and unwell after that.) The group find the two living inside a rotting hollow and approach them. One Eye is, naturally, EXTREMELY aggressive and reclusive at first — distressed from sickness, grief, and fear of losing his tiny daughter, for he hasn't been strong enough to feed them much. The other cats are nervous around him, unwilling to approach the tom for his sheer size and ferocity, even if he is weakened. But not River Ripple. He understands why he is acting this way, that his aggression is a defense mechanism to mask his fear, and ultimately wishes to convey to One Eye that he is not going to do anything to them without his explicit permission first: and he sticks to that promise! Every day he sits outside the makeshift shelter with food, asking permission to come inside, leaving prey, water and herbs at the entrance if One Eye is asleep or simply says no. He never challenges it, and simply obliges and wishes him and Star Flower well. It is through this gradual process that One Eye begins to somewhat relax around River Ripple, allowing ONLY him to come inside, communicating his and Star Flower's needs and whatnot (Vulnerability moment!!)

Although she was too young to remember, once she began to recover, Star Flower was always excited when River Ripple visited, coming up to him, chasing his tail, and telling him all about her big adventures (all just made up ones, but River Ripple would always listen and ask her questions about them!) One Eye initially doesn't take well to Star Flower going up to the near-stranger, pulling her back or growling at River Ripple to back off. But over time, he sees that the risk is minimal, and the two never leave his sight while interacting. Besides, it stops Star Flower pestering him to entertain her for just a bit (also I just find this funny because adult Star Flower can barely recall this and River Ripple is just looking at her like omg you've gotten so tall now!!! I remember when you used to tell me how you beat up monsters and dogs 🤭💙!!)

SO LIKE skipping the recovery period, and now One Eye and Star Flower are more present outside … One Eye falls first. He initially is bothered by this, still grieving the loss of his mate and their other kits moons ago. But the feeling is nonetheless there. It's complicated, because at first he had every intention of claiming the area for himself and pushing River Ripple & his friends out… but as much as he tried to resent River Ripple's philosophy, there was just something so…. soothing yet powerful in the way he carried himself. He realises he actually enjoys his company, which is also weird for him! One Eye has lived among opportunistic cats his entire life, learning that being aggressive and domineering is the only way to make it, and that the passive and meek were destined to be crushed. But River Ripple is a curious example to him. He is gentle and patient, but completely capable of establishing boundaries and shutting down veins of discussion that belittle or threaten him. He would call out One Eye's bullshit every single time, but in a way that didn't escalate the situation. His heart was soft and his identity was strong in that. Kindness without weakness??? In MY Warrior Cats??? Impossible??? (Erins: yes it's impossible. 🗿)

Anyway, montage of One Eye giving terrible rizz and making a complete fool of himself 90% of the time — getting frustrated and defensive while everyone else is like🧍‍♂️. River Ripple is confused at first, but slowly begins to catch on. He finds it both amusing and sweet… and yeah! He realises he does feel the same way! He always found One Eyes protectiveness of Star Flower warming, found his intelligence to be engaging, and he genuinely believes there is good in the tom's heart (me shaking my head slowly.)

First date? Swimming lesson! One Eye is terrible! He's half drowned, scrabbling onto River Ripple every .2 seconds, and hates how pathetic it makes him look. But River Ripple is patient, assuring him that they can always try again some other time, and that it took him a while to get used to it too <:)

^ I feel like it's important to emphasize that One Eye genuinely feels like he can relax around River Ripple. That this cat doesn't have any ulterior motivation to trick him or take from him. Nor' does River Ripple ever belittle his failures or negative traits. They simply exist, are acknowledged, and pass like water.

But of course there is difficulty in how these two's ideologies clash. Everyone's beliefs are different, but theirs almost completely counter. River Ripple's philosophy is peaceful. To live and let live, and be custodians of the land. One Eye's on the other hand is to conquer. To take, to fight for what you need, and to claim the land. While there is room to accommodate each other, they are both two strong individuals with strong identities. Neither is going to abandon their philosophy, and when they clash so strongly, it can make it impossible for them to see eye to eye on issues. Long term, that would be hard. I believe that is why they'd go their separate ways. It doesn't work out. But that is okay. For that period of time, there was coexistence, there was connection, and there was love.

TL:DR. Very brief romance! A spark of passion that burns then fizzles out when One Eye leaves to be on his own (with Star Flower) once again. River Ripple, of course, says One Eye can return any time if he needs anything. Even for a short visit. He never does. For everywhere the tom goes, there is destruction and disruption, and River Ripple's home is like an oasis to be left untouched in One Eye's head.

Even as One Eye's reputation worsens, they still feel for each other. River Ripple especially. He knows what One Eye is capable of, what he has done, and how downright hideous he can be. But it's hard not to miss the memory of him. (Cue the mountain cats like PLEASE stop talking about this asshole in flowery prose he is trying to kill us!!)

BONUS: Not really relevant here, but their presence in the narratives respectively as the punisher/destroyer vs the voice of reason… ooogh, sun that burns, moon that soothes e.t.c but that deity kind of vibe would be more relevant once they're spirits in the Dark Forest & Starclan!

I could go on forever but that's the meat of it. Ty ty i hope everyone enjoyed and its not terribly incoherent ✌️

[sad-endings-suck]

Mizu’s Period

I’m getting kind of sick of the weirdly agreed upon headcanon within the fandom that stipulates Mizu simply must not menstruate very much if at all, solely because Mizu is often injured, possesses a slender build as well as an athletic lifestyle, and in many ways is androgynous in appearance (but that last point is always unspoken ofc).

There also seems to be an odd obsession with using fanon theories that are not directly disproved nor proved in the canon, such as “Mizu never eats enough” as evidence for the Mizu’s Uterus Is Not Like Other Girls Reproductive Organs™️ headcanon, that presumes Mizu is just so special she’ll bleed from everywhere except her pussy.

Like… is it perfectly possible that Mizu does not often get her period due to her extremely active and dangerous lifestyle? Yes, of course! Does Mizu’s slender and athletic frame make this seem like more of a possibility? It could, but her physique in of itself is not “evidence” per say, especially since Mizu’s body looked exactly the same when she was living a much easier and more comfortable lifestyle on the farm with Mikio, and they clearly had plenty of food. Mizu also wasn’t training intensely if at all for the 8-12 months she was married to Mikio. Yet her build remained the same. So it’s perfectly probable that Mizu’s physique is most greatly impacted by her genetics and thus not greatly affected by physical activity.

And for everyone that’s about to shout “but women athletes that compete at the highest levels often loose their periods for a while!” yes absolutely, some of them do. They also work out for 2-6+ hours a day six to seven days a week, use treadmills, bench press, and eat ridiculously curated diets that specifically target certain macronutrients and involve carefully curated portions that must be eaten at the right times on the right days. The fuck makes you think Mizu is doing all that?? My girl inhales whatever food is put in front of her as long as she has good reason to believe it is safe (i.e not poisoned). Do you really think modern day Olympic power lifters, track and field runners, artistic gymnasts and rhythmic gymnasts are all slurping down full servings of soba or dumbplings just whenever? Fuck no. Also, the current top women athletes in the world from the aforementioned Olympic sports I just mentioned, all have vastly different body types. As well as extremely different dietary needs, training routines, workouts, and just plain genetics that would have naturally given them certain bodies regardless of sport.

as evidenced by the above photos of various female olympic athletes: power lifter (top left), track and field runner (top right), artistic gymnast (bottom left), and rhythmic gymnast (bottom right).

Mizu is not a power lifter, or a sprinter, or an archer, or anything of the sort. Mizu does not train to be incredible at one thing, nor does she base what she eats or how she trains on when she will be preforming at a specific event (such as Olympians do). She is a swordsman, a blacksmith, and an all around athletic person that needs to stay in a state of constant readiness for any physical activity. Such as climbing, swimming, horseback riding, using acrobatic techniques, performing martial arts, working on a farm, and so much more. All of which is presented as such in canon. Not to mention Mizu lives as a lower-class individual in Japan during the 1600s. What ever gave you the idea that she was dieting and training like a modern athlete? Mizu is not a sportsman, she’s a killer.

So can we just stop, please? Plenty of people menstruate. Its perfectly normal and natural. And as someone who has been at a much lower weight at different points in my life with less than desirable health conditions (to say the least), menstruation does not magically halt just because you (stranger on the internet) thinks it “logically” should under such circumstances. That’s not how it works. Bodies are weird, and everyone’s body works a bit differently. And if Mizu actually was as sick and muscular and thin as everyone seems to have headcanoned her as, then how the fuck is she mopping everyone she fights? If Mizu is “so active and low weight that she can’t be getting her period” then how do you explain the fact that she is able to preform at peak physical level while being so active? Make it make sense.

And for the love of god, please stop acting like menstruation is “special” or “other” or “weird”. It’s not. Get educated, and get over yourself.

[jenni41]

After mulling over the thought that Loid and Yor are sterile, here are my pregnant Yor headcanons.

Loid has always been extremely careful in his past relationships. Yor gets pregnant in a broken condom or lack of judgement scenario. Loid stresses about this error until he comes home from work, not quite two weeks later, to Yor napping on the couch with a hot water bottle complaining about cramps. She has some implantation bleeding, she thinks is her period, and despite noticing it is shorter and lighter than usual, she is just relieved it came.

Her next period is late. They have been careful, so she chalks it up to stress at work.

Bond is constantly under her foot and wanting to cuddle with his head in her lap. This is weird to her because Bond usually prefers Anya and Loid, but she is enjoying having a nap buddy because work is pushing her so hard she has discovered she needs one now and again.

She used to give Bond canned food for a treat; now and then, but stops because the smell and feel of scrapping the food from the can make her feel ill.

Yor has discovered her clothes don't fit right. She goes to the tailor to get her uniform let out, declaring it must be Loid's cooking. The tailor notices her wince when she measures Yor's breasts and that her hips have widened a tad, causing a slight change in gait. Years of measuring women daily have made the tailor acutely aware of how a woman's body changes when pregnant.

She asks Yor if she will want to order new uniforms. They have special ones with pleats and expandable waists.

Yor is taken aback. She says, "Oh no, I plan to work harder to get back in shape."

The tailor tells her, "Oh, Yor. Now is not the time to worry about your figure."

"What do you mean?" Yor asks.

The tailor sees her face and remembers Yor grew up without a mother. She smiles softly places her hand on Yor's stomach.

"I don't mean to pry, but I don't think it was just Loid's cooking causing these changes in your measurements, Yor."

Yor's eyes widen.

After an enlightening conversation with the tailor, the tailor sets her up with a doctor's appointment. Yor makes her way home and runs into Loid on the way.

He notices she seems unsettled and asks if everything is alright.

She quietly tells him she has a doctor's appointment in a few days and asks if he will come with her.

"Sure," he replies with concern and in his brains goes, "Oh no. Is she sick? She has seemed so tired lately and didn't touch her hamburg steak last night." Then he really looks at her and, like the tailor, notices the minute changes in her skin, figure, and how she carries herself.

Then his mind really goes off.

It takes two weeks to get the results from the doctor.

Anya tells Becky she is going to be a big sister before Yor and Loid say anything, because their thoughts are so dam loud and she read Bond's mind when he is smelling Yor's stomach one day.

When the results come in, no one is surprised. Loid plays the devoted father, but inside, he is stressing.

When Yor tells the Gardener, he knows the instance she walked in. He has been expecting it. He gives her leave, dismayed to be losing a skilled assassin, but knowing as is, she is likely a liability and appreciative of the work she has accomplished.

Anya works extra hard studying because Loid's thoughts make her worry about what is going to happen to her family and Operation Strix.

When Loid tells Franky, Franky is like, "You fucked up. So much for not getting attached. You were supposed to keep your emotions out of this. What are you going to do?"

For the first time in his career, Twilight has no idea what to do. But he knows what he is not going to do. There is no way he is going to be able to give up his family.

He gets angry about the whole mission. How was he supposed to be a good husband and father for a mission with any sort of long term without getting attached? How do you raise a stellar student without loving and supporting them? Some things you can't fake.

Loid's next update with Handler, he lists the progress made for Operation Strix. "Anya earned a Stella in languages, Damien and her seem to be getting along better, Yor is with child..."

Sylvia is like, "Wait, what?" and smacks him up side the head. They come up with a plan on how to extend Operation Strix because despite her tough demeanor, she was a mother and sympathizes with him.

Yor's pregnancy and labor are relatively easy. I haven't decided if they have a boy or a girl. I absolutely love the idea of Girl Dad Loid, because, "squee", but a son could be interesting. Especially if Loid struggles with the idea of having a child to carry on his name knowing Loid Forger isn't actually his name. But Loid is the truest version of himself he has ever been, and the man he wants to be, so all that angst could be delicious.

[jpitha]

More #Aliens are Gardenworlders. What happens when a Human gets approval to live on an actual Garden world?

Day 1 Hey Diary! I'm so excited! It took something like 8 weeks and practically a dozen forms, but I finally got approval to relocate to that Garden world I was telling you about! It's so nice here. Everyone is friendly, the house they assigned me to so so cute, and it's just incredibly easy to get around and get food. And the weather? It's been sunny and warm, and a local was confused when I asked what season it was. They don't have seasons! No more ice and snow! I think I'm going to like it here.

Day 28 Huh. Still sunny and warm today Diary. I expected at least some clouds or rain or a thunderstorm, but nothing yet. It's been sunny and warm all month long. They don't even count months here! They just track the days in a yearly period! Went out to my "garden" (really the forest behind my house) for some lunch and just grabbed whatever I could pick. It was all tasty and easy to eat.

Day 62 Diary. It's still sunny and warm. I don't get it. Every day is exactly the same. All the locals don't notice or care, and when I ask about weather they look at me oddly. Didn't feel like foraging today, so I just ate some of the "grass" in the backyard. It's fine, tastes like pistachio.

Day 180 OMG DIARY! It rained today! Everyone was so scared! They said it only happens once a year or so and was all worried about it. Schools were closed and everyone stayed inside. It wasn't even a thunderstorm! It just rained for about 90 minutes in the morning, then the clouds parted and it was sunny and warm again. I stood outside in the rain the whole time not even caring that I was getting wet.

Day 200 I've read just about every book I can get my hands on, twice! I've watched all the shows that I can get off my pad, human and non! (I will say, those K'laxi historical dramas are very good, but I don't like the Xenni war documentaries). I. am. bored.

Day 250 Okay, you're going to think I'm getting weird Diary, but this can't be normal. It rained once the whole time I was here, it's never gotten too cold or too hot, has always been sunny or partly sunny, I can eat practically everything around me and get this - it's so easy to sneak up on the locals. It sounds mean when I write it out, but I can just crouch in the bushes and when one walks by jump up and go BOO! And they scream and run away. The fourth time I did it, the authorities came by and asked me nicely to stop. They said they didn't want to "interfere with any human predator rituals" but that I had to "stop stalking the locals."

Day 380 It's been more than a year, and I'm more convinced than ever that I am in hell. After that one time it rained last year, it hasn't done anything else! Also, I got in trouble again for stalking the locals - I wasn't even going to attack them or anything, it's just TOO EASY to sneak up on them. I need to get another hobby or something.

Day 420 (nice!) So Diary, I got in some pretty big trouble with the planetary authorities this time. It turns out, nobody here had ever heard of Extreme Sports before. I was just so bored, that I had a motocross bike shipped over. I had found one that was just like I had when I was a kid on Earth! It was so cherry. Someone had done a lot of work to it. Anyway, I had built a little course in the back forest of my house, nothing crazy! But someone saw me doing jumps and getting some sick air, and called the authorities, worried I was "exhibiting symptoms of self-harm." They took my bike!

Day 500 Okay, I give. I can't live here anymore. If you can believe it, I'm getting burnt out on nice weather! I did a telehealth session with a human therapist off-world and they recommended I apply to be transferred back to a human world, or at least moved to a Starbase or ship. Somewhere where things can change, and there's more going on.

[sscrubberhose]

Ya got any dialtown headcanons? :3

hooo boy. ive been chewing on this all day and I think i have a decent amount to say!

Spoilers for Dialtown!

Tw for mentions of suicidal ideation and religious guilt

Phone/Typegingi:

-Is aware of everything that happens in my fics but forgets

-is more aware of how people perceive them than people give them credit for, wants to make everyone happy

-has a strong fear of being alone, which is why they bother people so relentlessly. if they were to be fully ignored for an extended period of time they would have a breakdown

-Has both the phone and the typewriter head and can change them out at will, dont ask where they keep them.

-has bitten theoroar many, many times and will do so again. is even more fearful and hateful of him after the zoo explosion

-has a lot of love to give and genuinely prefers being around their friends

-has a level of intelligence that is genuinely sort of surprising sometimes. this intelligence is used at random

-is surprisingly easy and hard to kill at the same time

-the narrator is actually a separate entity to them who cares about them very much

-seems to be passively suicidal but no one can tell if theyre joking or not

-roger rabbit rules, whatever biology is funniest is what they have

-perceived height changes based off of this rule as well. no one notices.

-breaks into town hall once a month for funsies

-enjoys sweet things quite a bit

-autistic beast

Randy:

-is actually a decent cartoonist, but rarely draws due to hand pain. likes drawing gingi and oliver the most

-has a lot of religious guilt due to growing up catholic with a very very strict, religious father, left home as soon as he could. also why he is afraid to talk to God.(hobo)

-father harped on him his entire childhood about being a burden, now feels that he owes the world for existing. this is slowly healing.

-due to his upbringing hes still learning how to function as an adult, i.e cleaning, cooking for himself, things like that. hes working on it!

-has sensory issues, has ASD

-fear of cgi animals comes from having to watch weird religious propaganda films for kids when he was young. he is getting over it thanks to oliver.

-extremely observant and notices things a lot of people don't, but usually doesnt say anything for fear of being annoying

-knows shooty and stabby on a first name basis(not that he knows whos who)

-sees Norm as a father figure but would never admit that

-has a long list of phobias that hes working on recovering from, but is too nervous to go to therapy for

-has a LOT of plushies in the ticket booth that Oliver and Gingi have given him, refuses to get rid of any of them

-taking the bandage off wont instantly kill him, he doesn't know this.

-can skateboard, does not do this often

-gets sick very easily, has to be forced to rest as he tries to insist hes not sick

-is roommates with Oliver, they have a bunk bed

-got his number changed so the hotline wasnt tied to him anymore

-is actually a good singer, never sings due to thinking he sucks. Will hum to himself while working at the ticket booth

Karen;

-Has actually gotten fairly close to the other datables since the conclusion of the game, doesnt know how to express this

-Visits Dialtown for a few months out of the year to catch up and spend time with her friends

-part of her contract with helping rebuild was better wages for those who worked at the bank. It took a lot of arguing but she felt that no one should suffer like she did.

-expresses her love for her friends by making them ponysonas. Is a huge pegasister. will infodump about it for hours to anyone who will listen

-enjoys botanical illustrations the best, next to drawing horses

-draws horses with normal horse heads as a form of abstraction

-puts capsaicin oil in her paints so Gingi will stop drinking them. This did not work.

-enjoys vintage movies and game shows and talks at length with Oliver about them when they go out for coffee or dinner together.

-she and randy doodle together sometimes

-also has severe sensory issues and has safe outfits she wears. will cry if she has to touch certain fabrics. (LOOKING AT YOU CRUSHED VELVET)

-safe foods are microwave dinners and pasta, but she keeps her diet balanced.

-her and Norm get along now and will sometimes go for hikes and chat about life(and ways to wrangle gingi)

-allergic to shrimps

-can play piano

Oliver:

-Got a new therapist who doesnt think hes weird or annoying(it didnt phase him but thats not groovy to say to someone)

-has POTS, often needs to sit down at work so he doesnt faint.

-is a HUGE horror fan, could tell you everything about the behind the scenes of every major and minor horror movie to come out in the last decade.

-works as a haunt actor for the Dialtown Haunted House every single Halloween, wants to run it someday

-has a log of every new thing he notices about Gingis biology, the log is three books long now.

-Really wants to run a youtube channel where he does amateur ghost hunting with randy, has yet to convince randy that this is a good idea

-is very physically affectionate, though he does ask permission first before touching anyone!

-Has had top and bottom surgery and is comfortable where his transition is, thankfully his insurance under Mr. Dickens covered it! (Mingus isnt a TOTAL monster)

-has a digital scrap book of all his favorite memories with his friends

-makes rage comics unironically.

-favorite color is actually black, red just seems to be his thing!

-has been legally adopted by Mr. Dickens but decided to keep his last name as Swift because "it was rad."

-is actually friends with most of the ghosts and poltergeists that live in the cinema/scareshack

-kept the popcorn and soda dispensers, but got the soda dispensers to dispense SODA and not...whatever the fuck it was doing before.

-helped renovate the basement of the cinema into a haunted maze that he helped design, the theme changes once a year!

-got those unicycle lessons and knows how to juggle as well!

-likes rollerskating, has Heelys on all the time

-allergic to peanuts

-can play guitar

Norm:

-Is aware that Gingi sees the face on the sticky note change and thinks its sort of funny

-Is actually good friends with God and the two go out to lunch once or twice a month

-enjoys fishing and will take Randy and Oliver on fishing trips, Gingi usually follows regardless of invite.

-Sees himself as a father figure to most of the dateables, and is willing to fill in that role.

-apologized to Karen for his behavior by baking her fresh bread. is actually an extremely good cook

-irises and pupils are both void black due to exposure to the wormhole. He has not noticed this. Eyes used to be honey brown.

-Has to stop Mingus from doing a new evil scheme once a month, has a spray bottle for this purpose.

-does actually have other outfits for when the space suit needs to be washed, is never seen outside the house when this happens

-Oliver, Karen, and Randy have seen his real face, they were like "cool" as Gingi is just...far weirder.

-i imagine him as strawberry blonde. Short hair, either buzz cut or just short. maybe some stubble. I dont have a good image of what his face looks like, it is just bag to me

-not great at public speaking but REALLY good at pretending to be

-is actually very good at using technology but will sometimes pretend not to be just to tease Oliver.(it works every time)

-can also play guitar

Bigfoot:

-...no.

-okay okay i have one. You could use his fur to make yarn IF you washed it. You will never be able to get close enough to brush him though.

Misc headcanons:

-heads can be repurposed after death, like cadaver bones!

-the more popular headtype for modern business men and women is a laptop

-after what happened to Callum Crown, the answering machines function was completely separated from memory storage

-Snakes have syringes for heads

-peter and his wife are poly and want roger to be their third, but roger is as dense as a brick and peters too formal to just say it out loud.

-Harry and Jack are a couple in this universe, Jack is just a very odd boss to work for regardless

-Billy is Abel's kid. The mother is unknown. probably a one night stand.

-the swans miss randy :(

-there are a few headtypes that are banned for various reasons, one of which is having a megaphone AS your head.

-Roger is autistic and has a stutter, and sometimes has to use ASL to communicate. Peter knows ASL for this reason

-The Narrator could talk to the others, but only if it was an emergency

-all Dialtown OCs are canon. theyre in town somewhere, having fun and living their lives!

-Dialtown is bigger than shown in game, including the town square which has a fountain and a park surrounding it, as well as a skate park, rec center, arcade, a pizza place, etc.

-all the dateables have met satan at least once, they just didnt know thats who that was

-shooty and stabby are dating, theyre just very bromance about it. good for them...

-rotery phone heads are coming back in fashion as a sort of 'retro' vibe.

-getting prosthetics/emergency plastic surgery and medical care is actually quite accessible.

-jerry and his wife come visit dialtown every christmas soley so that gingi doesnt run all the way out there to visit them and get hopelessly lost. theyre doing quite well!

-there are competent members of the dialtown mob but they dont really do much other than hang out at the bar

if i think of anymore Ill let you know!! thanks for askin!

[shopwitchvamp]

Hello! You can ignore this if the subject is too personal, but I saw you mention that you got a hysterectomy. I've been wanting to get one for awhile for a variety of reasons (no desire to have children, wanting to permanently stop periods, ect) and I was wondering if there was anything I should know about it that isn't talked about a lot?

Yeah I had one at 25 after yearssss of medical horrors. It's a lot and probably a good deal of people don't wanna read my nightmares so-

I had absolutely life ruining periods from endometriosis/PCOS, and I also never wanted children, but couldn't stay on BC to control any of those things because I found out at 21 that it was making my cholesterol sky high. I then spent a few years being truly, literally insane because I was going off and on birth control of various types every few months to try to find anything that wouldn't give me high cholesterol. Drs were like oh maybe the patches will bypass whatever weird mechanism is making this happen, maybe nuvaring, maybe progesterone only, maybe the hormonal IUD, etc etc.

I'd rather not get into what exactly led to finally getting the hysterectomy (extremely traumatic..) but I don't mind talking about the hysterectomy itself.

All I really have to say is that I have ZERO regrets and that my life has improved DRAMATICALLY since getting the hysterectomy. I had a partial so I still have ovaries, which means still having issues from PCOS, still having a hormonal cycle, still dealing with PMDD at times, etc. But given all of the issues I'd had with hormonal BC I didn't want to have my ovaries removed and need to rely on taking hormones forever when they might have caused me more problems. This is an issue very very specific to me tho.

But yeah, before the hysterectomy I used to spend 7-10 days each month-ish incapacitated by nightmare periods, and then very often end up sick (like with a cold or sinus infection or strep throat) afterwards because my body was so weakened. The only thing that had helped before was being on the kind of BC pills you take for like 3 months straight with no breaks so that you skip periods. But once I found out about the cholesterol problem, well. They just cycled me on and off a bunch of different options while doing frequent blood tests, and then in the end were like "idk guess you just have to live with it forever." Until the obgyn I'd been seeing since I was 17, who had witnessed 8 years of my suffering and already done 2 surgeries on me, was finally willing to just do a hysterectomy back in 2016.

I hear that maybe it's a bit easier these days to find a doctor willing to perform a hysterectomy, but I can't say I know much about the process. If you're on the hunt I think maybe like the childfree subreddit has a list of doctors?

If you have any kind of more specific question I guess lemme know. I'm not sure what people do or don't talk about when it comes to this stuff, but I really don't have any negatives to report, which I mainly credit to not getting a total hysterectomy (so no early menopause issues, etc). (EDIT: just fyi anyone reading this, I've muted notifcations because while I don't mind talking about this it isn't exactly something I want popping up into my awareness every few minutes 😅 if you leave any comments or reblog tags it's totally fine, just know that I won't see them. thanks for understanding!)

[awlimagines]

Hello! I‘m a big fan of your works but unfortunately I am extremely shy and can‘t muster up the courage to really comment or anything. I just wanna say I appreciate your stuff a lot, a wonderful life is one of my biggest comfort games and unfortunately I don‘t see as much content for it as I‘d wish there was, so seeing you write about it always brings a smile to my face :^)

Also while I can‘t say I wanna kiss him badly I‘m glad to see more Daryl appreciation, I love my best friend Daryl he deserves more appreciation LOL (we love weird freak men here)!

Sorry to drop off a request like this but if you‘re still taking rqs: Bachelorettes & Bachelors helping the farmer with painful period cramps? I know this kinda takes out the ambiguity of the farmer‘s assigned gender at birth sorry haha ^^“ (I myself suffer from painful cramps unfortunately hence I‘m a fan of this type of x Reader stuff haha)

Have a good day and keep on going, but remember to take breaks too from time to time (•w•)/

Sorry, it took me a while to get to this!! It made me really happy to see when I was feeling so sick though!! <3

Fortunately, I've never experienced period cramps to the point I couldn't function. I've been blessed that mine have always been relatively manageable without many issues. My husband is very supportive of anything I need (even if I just want something and not actually a need). Having said that, these might be pretty vague and light on details just because I don't have a ton of specific experience beyond friends who had conditions that made theirs terrible.

Also, I don't mind writing for a specific gender. It just seems fair, for the most part, to keep it as vague as possible so everyone can enjoy it. So, I keep it as gender-neutral as possible by default. Please, please send me any requests you have! I do my best to write the ones I receive and enjoy them greatly. :3

Anyway, enough rambling from me. Each bachelor/bachelorette is below the cut!

How They Help You with Painful Period Cramps

CELIA / CECILIA

She only vaguely understands the pain you feel. Cecilia was blessed with light periods devoid of cramps. But, what she lacks in experience, Ceci makes up for in sympathy. During your periods, Cecilia divides her time between working at Vesta’s farm and helping at yours. If you try to protest her working so much the young woman chides you about learning to accept help when needed. Ceci also quickly gets Vesta on board, and you join them for meals each time to limit your cooking. Both women offer you suggestions to help alleviate your pain.

CODY / GORDY

When Gordy encounters you curled in a ball, his first instinct is to fetch Dr. Hardy. You quickly explain that it’s unnecessary; this is a regular occurrence. The silent artist stares at you momentarily, absorbing your explanations before quietly excusing himself. While the thought of his abandoning you during such a time stings, you try to comfort yourself. You’re surprised when Gordy returns within a few hours and apologizes for taking your horse. He was in a rush and didn’t think to ask first. Gordy asks about pain medicine and a heating pad as he unloads various snacks and drinks from the Mineral Town General Store. He insists you tell him immediately if you need anything else.

DARYL

At first, you feel annoyed with the scientist as he rambles off the biology behind your pain. You soon realize the lecture is helping to keep Daryl calm as he assesses the situation and how to assist you best. Beyond some measly chocolate he had on hand, he is not much help the first time. Daryl makes up for this the second time and is prepared with various remedies that might help you feel better. Before long, he has your cycle memorized better than you and is always ready with the things that help you best. He doesn’t offer much help with your cattle but rambles ideas about a watering system to reduce your work for crops.

FLORA

Despite your pain, you find yourself more concerned about Flora. You were explaining how terrible your pain was through gritted teeth when Flora agreed. You couldn’t help but blink in shock at the archeologist. She said she felt the same during her period but just focused on work and tried her best to ignore it. Flora seemed surprised when you offered suggestions and shared your resources to help her. She doesn’t want to take from you. This soon becomes the most extensive argument of your relationship before you both eventually agree on a system to support each other. Flora dotes on you and consistently makes sure you have everything you need while you gently remind her it's okay to take breaks and take care of herself as well.

GUSTAFA

It hit unexpectedly when you were spending time with Gustafa at his yurt. Even through the pain, you felt embarrassed and stuttered out an apology, planning an exit to your farm. The musician caught on quickly to your pain and offered supplies. You were shocked to find the man so well prepared, and he explained that having female friends and keeping extra became a habit to try and help. Gustafa steps outside to give you privacy. He soon offers to have you stay, and he can fetch you anything you might need from home. Regardless of your decision, Gustafa is supportive. He admits to being a bit hopeless in the kitchen but does his best to wait on you hand and foot. He insists on handling any errands you need to be done and hovers if you want to do farmwork in case he’s needed.

LUMINA

You quickly learn that the life of the rich is different from what you expected. At the first mention of your intense period pains, Lumina has already arranged a meeting with Dr. Hardy to guarantee there are no medical causes of your pain. Lumina also insists on you staying at the manor under her care, and with Aunt Romana as backup, it doesn’t give you much choice. They both casually tell you Sebastian will tend to the farm with Takakura until you recover. It isn’t until you explain the guilt of putting more work on the butler makes you feel worse that she relents. Instead, Lumina focuses on learning your favorite dishes and bringing them to you throughout each period. She also masters the art of getting you to accept expensive remedies.

MARLIN / MATTHEW

Despite living with two women, you can tell Matthew is uncomfortable talking about your period. It doesn’t stop him from assisting however he can. Like Cecilia, he does more work to help you at the farm during your periods. While he seems most comfortable helping with the physical labor, Matthew does his best to cook meals for you. He’ll also mumble out suggestions to try and help with the pain. When you discover Matthew has been asking other female residents on your behalf, his face turns red like a tomato. He avoids looking at you as he grumbles about it not being a big deal if anything helped you.

MUFFY / MOLLY

Molly experiences cramps, though she admits they’re not quite as painful as yours. She shares remedies and methods to help from the vast social network of her city friends. You weren’t thrilled with her idea of spa days when Molly first arrived at your farmhouse. The blonde gently bullied you into giving them a try with an adorable pout. They quickly grew on you as you sank into the hot springs and relaxed with Molly. The worst days of your period soon become filled with the hot springs, good food and drinks from the cafe, and plenty of conversation with Molly. While your pain may not be gone, her support and company help make it more bearable.

NAMI

You both slowly realize there are times you never see each other. It turns out Nami suffers similarly to you and essentially just holes up at the inn as she becomes irritable. You tentatively offer suggestions for the things that help with your pain. A sigh of relief escapes you as Nami returns the gesture with her solutions. You’re surprised when you drag out from your bed during one to find Nami at your door. She offers to share the homecooked food the doting Lou made. Nami and you soon have a system alternating between the farm and the inn. You both find comfort in knowing someone else understands your pain and struggles and can provide support.

ROCK

Rock has the best intentions, but you can tell he never paid attention to sex education in school. The blonde surfer understands almost nothing about periods. You're annoyed at his appalled look when you have to explain the menstrual cycle and the source of your pain. The feeling doesn’t linger long when he calls asking if you prefer lemon or lime at the store for your products. You can’t help but laugh as you hear a female worker lecturing him in the background. Rock has to be gently reminded not to eat all your snacks, but he always comes around with new movies from your favorite genre to watch while you cuddle together.

[madamemachikonew]

More thoughts on Baizhu's story quest #4 - the poison is the cure

My other Baizhu story quest thoughts:

1 - Changsheng the Corruptor

2 - Baizhu's Lack of Self

3 - The Adepti

↓ ↓ Story quest spoilers below↓ ↓ 

I thought some of you might be interested in the perspective of A Sick Person (which of course is only my own - I don't speak for all...).

One of the things that really resonated with me was the age-old pharmacological principle that potentially anything is poison in the wrong quantity. But equally, some things which are technically toxic can in fact bring you a cure.

It is a principle with which I am intimately familiar. And Jialiang's dilemma was very easy for me to understand and empathise with. I have been going through cycles of chemotherapy to stabilise my multiple sclerosis. I played Baizhu's quest while recovering from being infused with highly toxic drugs normally used for leukaemia patients. They help MS by killing my immune cells en masse in the hope that they will repopulate as healthy cells instead of faulty ones that attack my brain and spine. However, the treatment was not an easy one to choose. The list of side effects is long and terrifying, not just immediate side effects during the infusion period itself, but long lasting ones; I am at risk of acquiring a whole plethora of new, additional and incurable health conditions. I had to do a balancing exercise when choosing my treatment. Was I prepared to trade my thyroid for a few more years of getting to use my hands and legs and being able to live independently? If not, I'd have to opt for one of the less effective treatments.

I'm getting to how this relates to Baizhu, I promise.

I don't even know if the gamble will pay off. While I have high hopes it will succeed, and has stabilised things so far, it is not guaranteed. This treatment is not 100% effective and fails for many people, even after a few years of their symptoms having been stabilised. And similarly, a day may come several years in the future when it is time for me to pay the piper and hand over an organ or two; thyroidectomies are extremely common. I'll also be immunocompromised for around a year or so, which comes with its own risks.

I don't raise any of this for sympathy - it simply got me thinking about the green man, in that we've both made a similar decision and almost embrace the opportunity to poison ourselves as a strange sort of gift (fun fact: the German word for poison is 'gift').

In a perverse way, I understand Baizhu's choice under the contract. For me, destroying my body is literally what will give me a second chance at life. Baizhu too chooses to barter away and destroy parts of his body and acquire new illnesses for what he classifies as a greater overall benefit - except in his case it's scientific discovery and the altruistic potential to save more lives rather than improving or maintaining his own quality of life. He has a weird solidarity with his patients in this regard; while he's confident he will succeed in his endeavour to achieve immortality, it is not guaranteed, and may one day bring a devil's price with it. What sets him apart, however, is that - unlike his patients - his choice is voluntary. It is the voluntary aspect that breaks my mind a little bit. I genuinely needed this treatment and even I was hesitant. Jialiang's choice was no choice at all. He wanted to cling to as many good days as possible, because the alternative was death. Yet Baizhu just takes on the mantle without any reservation. This feeds back in to how he conceives his sense of self. Such acts run so contrary to natural instinct that it takes great fortitude of spirit and intellect to overcome our hard-wired self-preservation mechanism. His sacrifice is ironically the greatest assertion of self. One of my friends is a long-standing blood and bone marrow donor. He was also a volunteer for the covid vaccination trials. Some people are just like that.

I had to consider which illnesses I was prepared to accept in the future as a consequence of my treatment, which made me wonder whether Baizhu has a line that he draws in terms of which illnesses or toxins he's prepared to absorb. I would like to understand how he calculates risk -v- reward. Presumably he does not take on anything that will be terminal. Nothing that can't be managed or put into remission through medication (or is at least tolerable and non-fatal without it). Nothing that would wreck his immune system too much. Nothing neurologically degenerative that would cause his intellect or limbs to irreparably deteriorate or fail, as that would impair his ability to conduct research. I imagine he'd also have to consider potential interactions, given the cocktail of medications he is on - some remedies will undermine others and he may have to abstain or moderate them. And some remedies will cause additional side effects or health conditions in their own right after prolonged use.

My treatment also made me wonder how much toxicity Baizhu himself potentially leeches out to the people around him. My chemo drug literally seeps out of my pores, salivary glands, tear ducts and so on for a week or two. I have to use a separate toilet/bathroom and any clothes or bedsheets have to be washed separately. I can't be intimate with anyone for a while because my bodily fluids are literally toxic. It made me wonder if Baizhu avoids intimate emotional or physical attachments not just because of the emotional damage to someone who'd fall in love with him and because he will always put his duties as a healer first (I think he'd care less about his own pain of foregoing a chance at love given his sacrificial nature), but because he might be physically toxic to be intimate with on account of the poisons, illnesses and medications he had in his system. He jokes with Traveller in his voicelines that he can test strong concoctions on them. But I think he's deflecting here; presumably he will take a liberty to dose himself more strongly than he might a patient if there is a potential research benefit behind it, such as learning how to dose properly and potential side effects. Or simply, to manage his condition with a harsher regime because he knows he's prepared to tolerate it.

[imstillhere-butallislost]

10 months on low dose Androgel timeline

I think the last one I did of these was at 7 months, oops. I started on 1 pump of 1% androgel, which has 12.5 mg of testosterone in each pump. Since December, I have been on 2 pumps a day. I have yet to have any blood work done, so i don’t know my levels. 

This is a timeline of the most recent, biggest changes. I have other posts about my earlier timeline in my Testosterone gel tag.

The *biggest* change these past few months have been my voice. It’s changed drastically from February to now, but I think it’s actually sort of levelled out recently. It was hard to speak loudly for a most of February and March, because my voice would try to go higher but I just didn’t have that range anymore, so it would crack or just, make no sound at all. I think, for the most part, that is over. I think this was just one voice drop and im sure more will come (I still sound androgynous too, but that could be because of speaking mannerisms rather than voice) but I’ve learned how to talk with my lower voice now, and can speak loudly without the problems i used to have. 

i went from my lowest, median, and highest of my voice being 176hz, 215hz, and 255hz respectively, to 96hz lowest, 137hz median, and 179hz highest, but those numbers do fluctuate a bit depending on day which is normal. It’s strange to see what used to be the lowest my voice went when talking is now the highest it goes. It’s been really great. 

I will say, that I am now at the point where i cannot play it off like im sick or anything when people ask about my voice. I have been specifically asked if i’m on testosterone, and people I haven’t seen in a while are shocked at my voice now. If you are someone thinking about low dose T to hide changes for as ling as you can from unsupportive people, I only got 10 months, and many people get less. you cannot guarentee when you will get what changed.

on to things besides voice. 

My arm and hand veins are,, extremely prominent when I get warm. It’s really interesting, gives me huge euphoria, but is also really weird to look at. 

My period hasn’t stopped yet, still gotten a lot lighter though which has been great.

My face has definitely changed, but in a way where it’s hard to tell what exactly has changed. i just know i look different. I just can’t really place how. My eyebrows are thicker, my skin looks different, but there’s something bigger that is just hard to see. 

I still don’t really pass in public, long hair androgynous voice and no binder will do that, but i’m really liking how everything is going so far. Genuinely I think going on T has just cured my depression??????? I’m only normal sad like once a month, not thinking about offing myself once a day. I didn’t think testosterone would change so much about how I feel, but it’s made me feel so much more calm and rational. I have a good grasp on my emotions, and they don’t consume me anymore. I’m able to think past them and make good decisions without letting my depression or anxiety or anger rule out my rational brain. That won’t be the experience for everyone, but it is mine. and it has been great. 

Also maybe expect a trans tape review soon idk, I’m getting some because my binder fits me on paper, but irritates my arms sooo much that it’s hard to wear. 

Feel free to ask any questions, I’d be happy to answer

[cbk1000]

So, I'm going to do a long post on my health issues because I haven't really gone into much detail, and there’s a Lot, and maybe this will help someone else. Under a cut, not for anything graphic, but just because this is long as fuck.

I'll note first that for at least a year, maybe longer, I've been having really bad fatigue and brain fog, like struggling to concentrate and not fall asleep at my desk in the middle of the afternoon kind of fatigue. I have to drink a cup of coffee or two before I write just so I can have enough caffeine to get me through a couple of hours of wording. I blamed it on my poor sleep, which for about the same amount of time has been really bad: trouble falling asleep no matter how exhausted I am, waking up multiple times a night, and always waking up feeling extremely tired. Turns out these are all common signs of iron deficiency, which I didn't realise at the time.

Back in February one night after working out I suddenly had a weird sensation in my throat. It felt mildly swollen, and my tongue felt kind of tingly/numb. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before and I assumed it was a mild allergic reaction, though I was confused because I hadn't eaten anything new and I couldn't think of any new environmental exposures that would have done it. I take a Benadryl; no change.

It's after normal office hours, so I decide to have Mr Jenn take me to an urgent care clinic to give me something for the inflammation in case it gets worse.

Doc asks me the usual questions about what I ate, feels my throat for swelling, looks in my mouth, etc. Throat is maybe a tiny bit red, but looks pretty normal. He says just to cover all the bases and because it's going around, he's going to test me for strep.

Strep culture comes back positive. I am genuinely shocked because I have had strep before, it was the worst sore throat of my life, and I felt super sick. I feel fine, aside from the weird feeling in my throat, and it doesn't actually hurt, it's just an uncomfortable sensation. Doc says I probably just caught it early.

I start antibiotics, some prednisone for the inflammation, and also my period. (Which I didn't think was relevant at the time, but looking back I believe it was.)

I feel fine; just a teeny bit run down, but I'm on my period and I have strep.

A few days after starting my period, I start feeling a little worse. Not terrible, just generally Not Well. I ask Mr Jenn if he'll do the grocery shopping (we usually go together) because I just don't feel up to it.

It's a long holiday weekend thankfully, so I have more time to get back on my feet before returning to work. I spend the weekend chilling on the couch with Mr Jenn watching movies. I don't feel absolutely wrecked, but I don't feel well enough to do much more than lie on the couch watching movies.

Tuesday I go back to work. I feel pretty crappy: shaky, weak, just generally shitty. I try to push through but only manage a couple of hours of work and then clock out and take a sick day. I'm concerned because I'm 7 days into a 10 day antibiotic course at this point, and I should be almost back to normal, not feeling way worse than when I started. I decide to lie down and see if I feel any better.

I start feeling AWFUL. So poorly I call Mr Jenn at work and ask if he'll come take me back to urgent care (I don't have a primary care doctor at this point) because this is completely abnormal and I should probably make sure this isn't some complication of strep.

Go back to urgent care, doc feels my throat and looks in my mouth; throat looks fine and he's not seeing any indication the strep is worse. He tells me to stop the Prednisone; some people can have a gnarly reaction to it even during a short course. He also advises me to get my thyroid checked out when I'm able to get established with primary care, because that could potentially be causing some issues.

I go home and spend the day on the couch feeling violently nauseated and ill.

I work a couple of hours a day the next few days, but can't manage much more than that. I'm not feeling nauseated anymore, but I'm very weak and shaky and can't even sit up for long because I feel so crappy.

Friday I'm feeling a little better; but then Saturday I notice I'm having some heart palpitations. It's not super bad, but it's never happened before and I'm very fit with no history of heart issues so I was a bit concerned, but just kept an eye on it.

Sunday I'm having bad tachycardia. My heart is racing when I'm just standing at the sink trying to wash my face. I'm feeling incredibly weak and overall terrible. One of the urgent cares in town has an EKG machine and will do cardiac assessments, so I decide to go there because I'm trying to avoid the hospital if possible.

Urgent care turns me away because the doctor on duty that day isn't comfortable handling cardiac issues, so I have to go to the hospital to get checked out.

I'm so weak I have to hold myself up on the front desk when checking in. I am too weak to stand without holding onto it for support and genuinely feel like I'm dying. I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt that horrible.

Hospital runs a bunch of labs, and does several imaging tests to check for a heart attack and pulmonary embolism. After a couple of bags of IV fluids my heart rate drops to normal and I don't feel back to normal, but I do feel far stronger. Doc says he can't find anything, but that doesn't mean there isn't something to find, so come back if I develop different symptoms or it gets worse.

I lay around on the couch Sunday and Monday.

Tuesday morning I wake up at like 2:00 shaking and feeling horribly weak. I decide to drink some Gatorade and eat some Saltines and see if that helps.

It doesn't. I've gone out to the couch to eat and drink so I don't disturb Mr Jenn, who is still asleep in the bedroom. Seamus is keeping me company, though, so there's that. I go back and forth about what to do. I feel genuinely awful.

I get dressed and wake poor Mr Jenn up at 4:00 and ask him to drive me back to the hospital. My heart is pounding again and I feel like I'm about to keel over.

Hospital doesn't want to redo the imaging tests because it's unlikely anything has changed there after a couple of days (and I had a normal EKG), but they run some more labs including a mono test and give me some more fluids. Doc is stumped. Says maybe it's some kind of virus doing this. (I have been tested for Covid, mono, and a couple of flu strains and all tests have come back negative.) I am discharged.

I update my boss because I took another sick day Monday and let her know I won't be able to work Tuesday either. I am absolutely exhausted when I get home and pass out for three hours, wake up, and feel like I could sleep a million more.

My boss is a former ER nurse and is super concerned about my heart rate and that I feel poorly enough to keep calling out sick, because that’s not like me.

Over the next couple of days she has me check in with her every couple of hours. She has me noting down my symptoms in detail and also making sure I'm eating every hour even though my appetite is poor and drinking plenty of water as well as electrolytes. That way if I have to go back to the hospital I can show that none of these issues are caused by dehydration or blood sugar issues from not eating.

Electrolytes help my heart rate a bit; some days it's almost back to normal. I don't feel as bad as when I first went to the hospital, but I'm still very weak and poorly and it's a struggle to keep my heart rate down.

I start getting terrible chills every day. Like, cold-to-the-bone, can't warm up even under a pile of blankets or in a hot bath. I never run a fever, but the chills are every day and last several hours usually. I always sleep with the fan on even in winter but can't run it now because I'm so cold all the time.

My heart rate goes back to 140+ bpm standing at my sink washing my face. I'm also having shortness of breath and chest pain at this point. I update my boss, and she says she thinks it's time to go back in. She offers to meet me at the hospital to help me advocate for some tests that might find something (she wants them to do an echocardiogram, which is an ultrasound of the heart, and blood cultures).

Hospital runs some more labs, and does an echo. Doctor says structurally my heart looks good, but he's seeing what might be an indication of pericarditis (inflammation of the sac around the heart). It causes a brightness in that area, and while that can sometimes be caused by flashback on the monitor, he says that coupled with some of my symptoms makes him comfortable giving a presumptive diagnosis of pericarditis. Standard treatment is a week of high dose ibuprofen for the inflammation, and I'll also be put on acid blockers to protect my stomach.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Sunshine and Moonshine

Chapter 24: Sick children

It had been two days and Sharon had not confronted Ámbar properly about her disobedience yet. That made Ámbar a bit nervous, because it could happen at any moment.

She tried focusing on Emilia. It got a bit intense there for a moment… 

As she entered Blake in the morning, Delfi and Jazmin both noticed she was thinking about something, and they immediately wanted to know.

“Did something happen, Ámbar?” Delfi asked. “You look like there’s something on your mind.”

“There’s always something on Ámbar’s mind!” Jazmin said, “She’s got quite a heavy life.”

“That is true… but I got a feeling that the thing Ámbar is thinking about right now is gossip worth sharing!”

Before Ámbar could say anything, they were all caught off guard by someone sneezing extremely loudly.

“Woah, Ramiro!” Matteo exclaimed. “What’s up with you?”

Ramiro furrowed his eyebrows and stared into thin air, as if he didn’t know who to face when talking. “My little brother did not come home with the flu from his school and smitted me. I’m fine! I’m just allergic to… floors!”

With that, he stomped off. 

“Okay…” Jim mumbled. 

In class, Ramiro sat right next to Ámbar. She could hear him sniffing and trying to hold in coughs.

She instinctively tried to move away from him a bit. 

Soon, Ramiro could not hold it anymore and let out a cough. 

“Cover your arm when you cough!” Ámbar exclaimed, as Ramiro had just been coughing right out in the open.

“Relax, there’s no germs in a cough,” Ramiro said.

The teacher had heard them, and stared awkwardly in front of the board. “... I think we need a run through about germ spreading.”

-

While the rest of the school day was fine, by the end of the day, both Delfi and Matteo let out some coughs. People didn’t think much about it, though. 

As Ámbar and Luna headed home, Ámbar suddenly sneezed.

“Did you get Ramiro’s thing?” Luna asked.

“No… at least I hope so… I just sneezed.”

As they got home, the plan was to change out of their school uniforms and then head to Jam and Roller to skate. But Ámbar got this sudden headache… and she decided to stay home. At least until the headache disappeared.

Luna however, has as much energy as possible, and went to Jam and Roller.

She skated around for a bit. She noticed her throat was getting a little heavier. Not a problem, she thought, and decided to drink some water.

She later met up with her friends.

“Wasn’t Gastón coming here with you?” Jim asked Nina.

“He was, but he said he wasn’t feeling well. Maybe he caught Ramiro’s thing. They’re in the same class, after all…”

After she said this, she let out a sneeze.

“Maybe you caught it, too,” Yam said.

“Impossible! I haven’t been near Ramiro today!”

“But have you been near Gastón?” Yam proceeded to do kissing sounds.

Nina stared at her in horror.

Yam immediately backed off. “Sorry, I was just joking. I don’t know when a joke goes too far sometimes? Did it go too far? I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no, it’s okay… I just… there was this free period between two classes… ”

“Did you…” Jim tried to say it as carefully as she could. “... swap spit?”

That was, indeed, as “carefully” as Jim could say it.

Nina nodded. 

“Ok, there’s a high chance you can be sick,” Luna said.

“I hope not…”

Suddenly, Jim was the one to sneeze.

“Did you swap spit with Gastón, too?” Yam joked. Jim stared at her in shock, not prepared for that.

“Ramiro did cough next to me today,” Jim said. “I hope it was just a random sneeze, and there’s nothing to it…”

“I feel peachy!” Luna admitted. “I just feel a bit… cold, which is weird, because I’ve been working out a lot by skating.”

“Yeah, I’m freezing a little, too…” Yam admitted. “How odd…”

-

As Luna and Ámbar ate dinner that night, both were sure that they were just fine. Ámbar was just a little tired, and Luna just felt a bit chilly. 

“What are you doing?” Sharon asked Luna. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m just freezing… I don’t know why, but I do.” She then let out a sneeze.

“I don’t hope you’re getting sick…” Sharon then turned to Ámbar, noticing her looking tired. “And I hope you don’t, either.”

“I’m not sick, madrina,” Ámbar assured her, although in a very dizzy tone. “I just… have been feeling tired since I came home.”

Sharon went up and felt Ámbar’s forehead. “You’re warm.” She then felt Luna’s. “You, too.”

“How can I be warm when I’m freezing?” Luna asked.

“I’ll suggest you take warm baths and then go straight to bed. And keep yourselves upstairs.”

Ámbar felt her throat. It was starting to itch from the inside. She let out a cough, hoping it would make it better, but it didn’t. 

“Eat up your food quickly,” Sharon said, “Then go upstairs.”

Sharon was extremely afraid of getting sick. So, every time one of the girls got sick, she basically quarantined them in their rooms, not even wanting to be close to them. Basically, if you were sick, you were treated like a dangerous zombie. 

The girls went upstairs, took baths (in separate bathrooms), and spent the rest of the night in their bedrooms. 

As they woke up in the morning, it had not gotten better. Ámbar's throat hurt even more than usual and Luna felt her nose being all stuffed. 

But the girls ignored it and went down to breakfast.

Sharon noticed it, however. 

“You’re pale… both of you.”

“We are?” Ámbar asked, and the second she opened her mouth she sounded really hoarse. She coughed a bit. 

“You look sick…” Sharon said. “And you’ve been sniffing this entire time, Luna.”

“Sorry, my nose is a bit stuffed…”

Sharon glanced at both of them, back and forth. “You do not look well.”

“We need to go to school,” Ámbar said. 

“You shouldn’t go to school.”

“What?” Luna asked. “Our education is really important and we should prioritize it! Isn’t that what you always say?”

“In normal circumstances, yes, but if I send you away, your teacher will just send you home. Besides, Blake is good with sending home homework if you missed a day.”

Luna and Ámbar sighed. They didn’t want to get extra homework. 

“Gosh, I don’t feel good…” Luna mumbled.

Sharon’s eyes widened and stood up quickly. She walked fast up to Amanda, who was cleaning the hallway. She snatched Amanda’s cleaning spray and pointed it at the girls.

“Go upstairs.”

“Are you ok?” Ámbar asked.

“I can’t get sick! I don’t want to get whatever virus you have. Upstairs!”

“But… school-”

“I’ll call them and tell them you’re sick, just get up! Now! Before I get smitten!”

“Ok, geez…” Luna said. She then proceeded to sneeze, which caused Sharon to just point the cleaning spray at them harder.

-

Luna sent a group text to her friends.

Luna: I’m sick today, so don’t wait for me before class!

Yam: I’M SICK TOO

Jim: ME TOO

Yam: Conspiracy theory: Ramiro’s fault?

Nina: I’m also sick!

Luna: Aw, so no one can give me homework notes?

Yam: Bold of you to assume I even take notes normally. I learn by listening as I draw in my notebook.

Yam: More or less learning, at least. I have mediocre grades. I still pass, though!

Nina: What a coincidence all of us got sick?

Yam: You’re sick because you swapped spit with Gastón and he swapped spit with Ramiro

Yam: Wait

Jim: My sister asked why I was laughing so much

Yam: Ahh Julia!! Say hi from me!

Luna: I thought your sister was named Aillén?

Jim: Aillén is my little cousin who’s obsessed with me because my Open music performances ended up on youtube and thus she assumes I am world famous. She dyed her hair red and everything for me. 

Nina: That is adorable. Didn’t you say no one in your family actually has red hair except you?

Jim: Yep! I got a recessive gene or something. Aillén was always fascinated with it and had been wanting to dye it red herself for years. 

Yam: Julia looks a lot like you, Nina, actually. Like it’s scary. She even has glasses.

Jim: She goes to Blake too, you must’ve seen her in the hallway at some point. 

Nina: I’ll keep a lookout for her. Some day. When I’m not home sick.

Yam: I wish we could be sick together in the same house. When I was little I loved seeing best friends being sick together in tv shows and sharing a bed. It seemed so cozy. 

Jim: Come over to my house!! We’ll be sick together

Yam: Really??

Jim: Yeah! Come over! 

Yam: Ok yeah I’m coming!

Nina: Won’t you expose people outside of your germs on the way there?

Yam: I’ll wear a mask! It’s fine!

Luna wanted to write “Have fun on your date!” but she decided not to. She did understand why Yam was so excited, though, and she secretly hoped her two friends got even closer so that she could hear all the gossip.

-

Yam went over to Jim’s house quickly, trying not to cough too much on the way there. Luckily, Jim’s house was only 10 minutes away. Yet, she felt her energy dropping much quicker.

As she reached Jim’s house, she knocked on the door, and Jim’s older sister Julia opened.

“Yam! Hi! Oh, you don’t look good…”

“No, I’m sick, and Jim suggested I could come over and we could be sick together.”

Julia smiled. “That is so sweet. Come in… don’t touch me, but do come in.”

As Yam went in, Julia went out. “Well, I’m going to school now… have fun being sick. But not too much fun.”

“What do you mean?”

Julia gave her a knowing smile. “I observe more than you think. Have fun now, you two.”

Yam waved goodbye, feeling a bit unsure what she meant. She then turned to the staircase, as Jim was coming down with a blanket wrapped around her. She also had a blanket for Yam.

“Hi,” she said in a hoarse voice.

“Hello,” Yam replied, snickering. 

“Let’s go to the living room. We’ll cozy up on the couch and watch a movie.” She threw the blanket to her.

“Sounds great.”

-

Luna and Ámbar were quarantined in their separate rooms. 

Ámbar was lying with her laptop on her bed, wondering what to do. She had been checking random videos on youtube, but she felt like she needed something more.

She suddenly saw a video clip from a movie adaptation of a book series she had read a bit as a kid. She never watched the movie adaptation, as it had come out when she was a bit too old for the books and she didn’t find it interesting at that point. 

Watching the clip, she realized how cheesy this movie seemed to be. She curiously read the comments, and to her delight, most people seemed to agree.

Imagine my disappointment when I saw this in theatres.

I refuse to acknowledge this movie’s existence. Let’s pretend it was just a collective fever dream.

This movie is the reason I started writing fanfiction about this franchise. To fix what the movie ruined!

Fanfiction… Ámbar knew what it was, but she had never really… read it before. 

Curious, she went to search for some fanfiction of this book series. Not to really read any of them, but just to see what people wrote. 

She found a website that seemed to just be for fanfictions. She wrote the book series in the search bar. 

Only 200 fanfictions? She recalled this being way more popular… but maybe not that many were into writing fanfiction about it.

She scrolled through it. Some were only a few 1000 words, others were several chapters. Then she found one fanfiction.

50 chapters out of question mark, meaning that the author was still updating it. The latest update was yesterday. 

”Well, I have nothing better to do…” Ámbar said to herself. 

-

Simón sent Luna a text message.

I saw you were online. Aren’t you in school?

Luna quickly replied.

Nope! I’m sick today 

She and Simón started texting.

Simón: Too bad! I’m gonna miss you skating today. 

Luna: You’re probably not gonna see any of us! All of us got sick, basically. 

Simón: What happened? Some sort of epidemic at your school? 

Luna: We think Ramiro is the culprit. He was sick yesterday but came to school anyway. 

Simón: Oof. Well… get some rest! I hope you get to just relax and enjoy junk food.

Luna: Junk food idk. But our maid comes in every other hour and asks what we want to eat, and then she brings us something from the kitchen. I could really eat a pizza right now… but we don’t have that in our kitchen. 

Simón: I always forget you’re a rich kid with maids and stuff. A bit sad you don’t get to order takeout though. 

Luna: I mean, we do get to, but Sharon gets disappointed in us. Plus it’s easier to just get what we got at home. 

Simón: Hmmm… I have an idea

Luna: Tell me.

Simón: No, you’ll see. 

-

Jim and Yam were looking really dazed at the TV. They didn’t know what to watch, and thus they just zapped on the tv and ended up on the kids channel. Right now there was some dubbed cartoon that they were too old to have known about before.

“That voice actress,” Yam said, “I’ve heard her everywhere.” 

“How old is she?” Jim asked. “I feel like she’s been in every single dubbed kids show I’ve seen all of my life.”

“Yeah, like… is it hard to find new voice actors? Is this why they have the same like… 10 people on everything? What will you do when they pass away?”

“Don’t know!”

The kids show ended, and soon a new one began. This one was one that the girls recognized, as it was a show from their own childhoods that now seemed to air as a rerun.

“Oh, I haven’t seen this since I was like 8,” Yam said.

“Me neither! How fun that it still airs!”

They watched for a moment. Suddenly, Jim let out a chuckle.

“I forgot how funny this was!”

“I don’t think I found it as funny as I find it now!” Yam admitted. “But maybe we find it funny because we’re sick.”

“Maybe… but this show is like… on crack!”

Yam laughed.

“I love your laugh so much,” Jim said. “I know I’ve said that before, but I just… really love it.”

“Thank you…” Yam grinned. She stroked Jim with her foot. 

They watched a little more of the show.

“You know, I actually think this isn’t a kids show, it’s a stoner show,” Yam said.”I don’t know if being sick and being high is the same thing, but I feel like stoners would love to watch this.”

“Yam… do you think we should be stoners?”

“Maybe in university.”

“Yeah, that sounds good… it feels like a university thing to do.”

Yam yawned. “Gosh, I feel so tired.”

“Should we take a nap?” Jim suggested. “We’ll go up to my bed and sleep together.”

Yam stared at her for a brief moment.

“What?” Jim asked.

“I…” Yam hated how her brain automatically thought of the dirtiest thing. “Nothing. Yeah, let’s go to your room.”

-

Luna was lying with her feet sticking up, leaning on the wall. She looked up at the ceiling.

She wanted to move. She was so understimulated. 

She had been clicking a pen so much that it broke. So, she had now gone over to drumming on her nightstand. 

Then Rey bursted into her room.

“Hey! Privacy!” Luna shouted.

“You’re very loud! ” Rey muttered. “Stop hitting your furniture.”

“You don’t decide over me!”

Rey sighed. “Please. Some of us are trying to work.”

“This is my room! And I’m sick!”

“I can hear that. So lay in bed and rest.”

“I cannot rest! I cannot sit still!”

“I am very aware… I’ve been trying to suggest to Sharon to maybe look that up, but she insists you just need discipline…”

Luna bounced on her bed. “Can you leave now? I don’t like you in my room.”

“If you stop drumming on furniture so that it bugs me.”

“Fine…”

She plopped down on her bed. What was there to do?

Suddenly, someone knocked on her door.

“Come in…?” she said curiously, as she let out a cough.

Someone with their back turned walked in slowly and closed the door. They then turned around.

Simón stood there, with a large smile and a pizza. “Are you hungry?”

-

Ámbar was completely stuck in this fanfiction. She had not thought about this franchise since she was maybe 11 years old, and yet, she was certain this random person online made the original source so much better. 

She was 15 chapters deep now, and she just loved the language, the funny lines the characters got out… the author had also added some original characters, and Ámbar thought they added some flavor to the story.

She didn’t leave comments. She didn’t have an account, anyway. But, she did read some other people’s comments.

Punknotdead2012 commented on chapter 2: "Looking good this far! I need to ask if the hippie character they met is based on someone you know?"

Moondustfan commented on chapter 4: “I’m lying on the floor clutching my ribs of laughter!”

Punknotdead2012 commented on chapter 5: “Loved the scene between the captain and the starfighter, but I also once again need to ask if your hippie oc is based on someone you know.”

Fernandalikesrollerskating commented on chapter 8: “LMAO believe it or not I had an exact moment like this once with this guy on my roller skate team. A bit different since he was human and not an alien, but still.”

Punknotdead2012 commented on chapter 13: “IS. THE. HIPPIE. OC. BASED. ON. SOMEONE. YOU. KNOW?!?!?!?!?!?!”

It was also interesting seeing the author’s notes at the end of each chapter. It was like the author lived this really odd life.

Supernovagirl’s A/N chapter 3: “Sorry this took longer to post, my mom locked me inside my room and took my phone -.- But I hope the length could make up for it!”

Supernovagirl’s A/N chapter 6: “I had to rush this because my mom pushed my stepdaughter down some stairs and now blames ME and she wants me to go to Switzerland and stuff idk what to do… but hopefully next chapter won’t come out too late.”

Supernovagirl’s A/N chapter 10: “Thanks for all your nice comments! If you wonder why I wrote an extra long chapter today, well, I’m celebrating! I’m staying in this country, my mom is now in a facility and I feel safe! Life can only get better haha!”

Who knew someone with such a traumatic life could just have time to write the most wonderful fanfiction?

As she finished chapter 15, she checked the comments. Another one from Punknotdead2012 who never seemed to get an answer on their one question. But then, she noticed someone that she might know…

Sapphicskater commented on chapter 15:“As someone who’s also hopelessly in love with her best friend, I feel the struggles of both the characters and you, dear author, as you mentioned you’ve experienced this too. I wish me and my bestie could get locked inside a magical space closet too.”

It HAD to be Yam. Ok, not that Yam was not the only sapphic girl that skated and was hopelessly in love with her best friend, but… it must be. 

Ámbar screenshotted it and sent it to Yam, asking if it was her. 

She soon got a reply.

Yam: You woke me up. I took a nap.

Ámbar: Aren’t you in school?

Yam: Nope. I’m in bed with Jim. 

Ámbar raised both of her eyebrows.

“Good for her…” she mumbled to herself.

-

Yam hoped her phone vibrating didn’t wake up Jim. Luckily, it didn’t seem to do that.

Jim was cute sleeping, even when sick. 

Yam smiled and took the opportunity to snuggle into her, because she could. If Jim woke up, Yam could pretend she did that in her sleep. 

She closed her eyes again and tried going back to sleep.

“Mm…” Jim mumbled. Yam squinted at her, smiled, and then closed her eyes again.

Then Jim mumbled again. Yam didn’t think much of it. 

Until the mumbling started to sound more like moaning .

Yam wondered for a moment if maybe it was because Jim was sick, it sounded more like she was moaning in her sleep when she simply snored or even breathed.

But then, Jim started talking in her sleep.

“Yes… we can do that… mmmmm… I like that…”

“Jim?” Yam was really curious about what she was dreaming. 

“Aah…”

Yam wondered if Jim was either having a really bad dream, or a really good dream. Since she mentioned that she liked something, the latter seemed more possible. 

Maybe she’d just try to go back to sleep herself. 

Or maybe she could answer Ámbar, since Ámbar asked her a question.

Yam: That is my fanfiction account… WAIT. You read fanfics, Ámbar Smith?

Ámbar: Let’s just say I’m bored as I am sick.

Ámbar: How was it being in bed with Jim?

Yam: I’m still in bed with Jim.

Ámbar: You’re texting as you’re being intimate? Interesting…

Yam: She’s sleeping for your information. 

Ámbar: After your lovemaking session, I presume?

Yam: I wish.

Yam: FUCK why did I send that…

Yam: I mean 

Yam: No we’re just sick together so I’m over at her house and we just took a nap and she’s still sleeping. 

Ámbar: I’m gonna read your fanfictions

Yam: I was about to go “NOOO” but you know what? The ones I posted I think turned out quite well. I don’t think you’re in any of my fandoms though

Ámbar: That’s ok, then I’m just gonna treat it as an original story. 

“Yam…” Jim mumbled.

Yam turned to her. “Yeah?” She thought Jim had woken up.

However, Jim seemed to still be asleep.

Jim made a moaning sound again, and then said it again. “Yam…”

Was Yam in her dream…?

Jim formed a rather satisfied smile. 

“Yam… I love you.”

Yam’s heart started beating faster. She didn’t know what kind of dream Jim actually had. She didn’t know if the “i love you” was platonic or romantic, or whatever else. She didn’t know if Jim was just having a fever dream, even though it didn’t seem like any of them had a fever, just a nasty cold. 

Yet, she smiled to herself, and hoped Jim remembered her dream when she woke up.

“I love you too, Jim.”

-

“Simón, what are you doing here?” Luna asked. 

“I decided to give you some pizza!”

“Wow!”

Simón sat down. “I didn’t know exactly what your favorite pizza flavor was, but I went off vibes.” He opened the box to reveal a pizza with bacon on it.

“Wait, is this a pizza that exists?” Luna laughed.

“Apparently! And I thought it was perfectly chaotic for you!”

Before Luna could eat, he took a slice and fed her himself. She made eye contact with him as she chewed on the pizza. 

“Delicious…”

“Really? I have to give it a taste!” Simón picked up his own slice. Meanwhile, Luna just stared at him.

Something in her belly tickled. She wondered at first if it was because she was sick and her body fought against anything she ate. But it felt… good.

“I hope I don’t get you smitten…” she said.

“Oh, it’s fine! I have four siblings! I’m pretty used to getting sick! Starting to get immune to it by this point, haha.”

“That’s good…” She took another pizza slice. “Mm! I don’t know how you actually could find out my pizza preference without me even having tasted this type of pizza before!”

“Well, I guess I have magical powers.”

She giggled.

“Are you the only one home sick today?” Simón asked.

“No, Ámbar is sick, too.”

“Aww… do you think she wants pizza?”

“I’m sure she does… you could go over and give her some.”

“Alright! I’ll go over and give her a slice. But then I’ll be back, ok?”

“Yeah…”

Luna felt really happy he was gonna come back to her. Though, she knew he’d probably want to be with Ámbar more. Even if they broke up… 

A minute after Simón had left the room, Sharon suddenly opened the door. She didn’t go in, due to not wanting to be smitten.

“I heard loud noises. What are you doing?”

“I’m just being myself in my own room!” Luna replied.

Sharon looked at the pizza box like it was a weapon. “Where did you get a pizza from?”

“I don’t know! It just seemed to come from thin air! Weird, right?” Luna held up a slice. “Want some?”

Sharon stared at her in silence, before slowly closing the door.

-

Someone knocked on Ámbar’s door and she immediately closed her laptop. “Come in!”

Simón came in with a grin. “Surprise! Want a pizza slice?”

“Simón? What are you doing here?”

“I bought Luna pizza and I wanted to give you a slice!”

“Ok… why did you buy Luna a pizza?”

“I felt like it!”

Ámbar took the slice and ate it. “It was… ok, but a bit strange. Could you get me some wipes, my hands are sticky from pizza now…”

Simón handed over some wet wipes for her to wipe her hands with.

“So, what are you doing lying in bed sick?” Simón asked.

“I mostly check my laptop.”

“I see! What are you looking at?”

“Well…”

Simón crossed his arms and smirked. “Ámbar, it’s ok if you look at something embarrassing. I promise I’ve looked at worse things online than what you’ve ever seen.”

“Fine…” She opened her laptop and showed him. He immediately started laughing.

“Oh, fanfiction? Ámbar, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I read it sometimes, too. Although. I prefer reading it out loud for my friends, it’s really entertaining.”

“I found Yam’s fanfiction account.”

“Yam’s? Oh my gosh, show me!”

He took a picture of Yam’s account. “I’m totally gonna read this later and then reference it to her!”

“She’s gonna be so surprised!”

“I know!”

Both chuckled. 

“Well… get well soon, Ámbar. I need to go.”

“Yeah… see you!”

Ámbar still had a soft spot for Simón. She wasn’t sure if she still had romantic feelings for him, but he made her feel good.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed. It was from Emilia.

How’s it going? Wanna skate?

Emilia also made her feel good… but in another way. 

Ámbar: Sorry, but I’m sick today.

Emilia: Are you really sick or are your weird guardian forcing you to be inside?

Ámbar: Well both, but I am actually sick. Like I cough and sneeze and shit

Emilia: Gnarly! 

Emilia: I wish I was over there and fed you pizza or something

Ámbar: Haha.

She closed her eyes, and imagined Emilia coming over and seductively feeding her pizza.

Suddenly, Sharon came in. Not knocking, of course, this was her house and privacy was a privilege, not a right. 

“Ámbar…” she said slowly.

“Hi, madrina.”

“I’m not gonna get close to you, but we need to discuss you being disobedient the other day.”

“Ok.” Ámbar was too sick to really feel anything about a lecture about her bad behavior.

Sharon closed the door, leaning against it to be as far away from Ámbar as possible. “You’re out of control, Ámbar, and I am wondering if there is some outside force influencing you to be like this.”

“No, I just feel grumpy over life.”

“How come?”

Ámbar sighed. “I’m raised by you, and you wonder why I feel grumpy over life?”

“See! Now you’re like that again! Rude and no respect for me.”

Ámbar felt like keeping her eyes up was harder for each second that passed.

“Why can’t you be like you were when you were little? Always listening and being respectful.”

“You never told me that when I was little. I tried and tried to please you, and it never seemed like it was enough for you. Eventually I guess I gave up, because it was no use anyway.”

Sharon crossed her arms. “I don’t remember what I said and didn’t say, but this is not the Ámbar I raised.”

Ámbar yawned, not really having the energy to care about anything Sharon said. “Well, I’m not 8 years old anymore.”

Sharon glanced at her. Suddenly, she felt a bit of sympathy, which she rarely felt.

“You really are sick right now, aren’t you?”

“Maybe…” 

“I can see that… you look really tired.”

“I’d like to nap, actually. I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t have the energy for that.”

“You’re right. We shouldn’t argue. You should get some rest.”

Ámbar closed her eyes. 

Sharon stared at her for a few moments. “Ámbar…?” she said carefully. No response. 

She went as close as she could without feeling like she’d be at risk to be smitten. 

She had put that little girl down for a nap when she was very young. She knew when Ámbar was actually sleeping.

She almost wanted to pet her, but… once again, she did not want to be sick.

Suddenly, Ámbar’s phone vibrated.

Curious, Sharon took it. 

Emilia: Imagine that tho. You sitting there like a princess and me feeding you. Would be pretty hot lol

Sharon furrowed her eyebrows. What kind of language was this?

She wondered if she could unlock Ámbar’s phone.

Immediately, she walked out in the hallway. 

“Rey! Come over here?”

Rey came very fast. 

“Yes, Miss Benson?”

“Unlock this phone for me, please.”

“Right on it, Miss Benson.”

[angstyaches]

So feel free to ignore any and all of this if it’s too weird but I wanna know more about vampire physiology in your universe! I know that full vamps don’t age, cannot eat human food, and gain an aversion to garlic as the age, but what else? Do their hearts still physically beat? Elli drank from Shayne one time and mentioned he didn’t know exactly what would happen if he drank from a half human - what about a witch? Or another vampire?

Are vampires immune to human illness? Do they still have to go to the bathroom? Do they have to sleep? Are they capable of sexual reproduction?

And what about half vampires? They age at a reduced rate, does the rest of their metabolism slow down too? Do they still get sick the same they would when they were human or does their immunity improve? Or even weaken!

(Ignore if you’re not interested! <3)

Thank you for asking! As I said in my last post, my brain has been foggy the past few days, so I'm sorry if any or all of these answers suck. Feel free to follow up if I missed something or didn't make sense.

Answers under the cut 🖤

Do their hearts still physically beat?

They do! They still require the blood to be circulated through their bodies. It would just slow down as they get much older, the same way Ryan’s garlic aversion and skin sensitivity get worse.

Elli drank from Shayne one time and mentioned he didn’t know exactly what would happen if he drank from a half human – what about a witch?

Witches are technically considered to be human, since none of their physiology differs from other humans.

Or another vampire?

Ooh, this is a fun one. But since vampires rely on other creatures for their blood, I would imagine that drinking the blood from a vampire’s veins would be a little bit like drinking something that someone else had already ingested. Like drinking backwash, I guess, or drinking their sweat? I imagine it’d be a repulsive experience and would probably make the feeding vampire sick – with disgust, not because it would cause them any specific harm.

Are vampires immune to human illness?

Fully-turned vampires have an impenetrable immune system, but half-vampires do not. They’re also more or less immune depending on how resilient they were as humans, and also the quality of their transformation (Felix, for example, had a rough transformation and it’s left him with a sub-par immune system).

Do they still have to go to the bathroom?

Yes.

Do they have to sleep?

Yes, but if they’re well-fed, they can go much longer periods without sleep.

Are they capable of sexual reproduction?

Half-vampires, possibly; but it would be extremely taboo under vampire law.

If half vampires age at a reduced rate, does the rest of their metabolism slow down too?

It depends on the half-vampire’s overall health, as well as how active they keep.

Do they still get sick the same they would when they were human or does their immunity improve? Or even weaken!

Exactly, I like your wording with “weaken”. Like I said, Felix had a rough time of it when he was first turned. He was sicker in that first year than he’d ever been in his twenty-something years of regular human life. It does improve with time, though, and doesn’t happen to every new vampire.

[besidesitstoowarm]

"The Shakespeare Code" thoughts

right when the harry potter references hit i googled gareth roberts to see if he was the person i thought he was and there's a section of his wikipedia page titled "transphobia controversy" so i guess i'd like to applaud doctor who in linking harry potter with terf bullshit as early as possible

that said, i like the episode despite the fact that gareth roberts should die in a ditch. it's stupid, but the guy playing shakespeare is deeply charming and i'm a sucker for a good historical

i was actually comparing it in my mind to "the unquiet dead" in the sense of the doctor meeting a famous historical figure and i think dickens is one of the better choices for that role; famous enough to be immediately recognizable by the audience, but the average viewer is probably only vaguely familiar with their work and so the doctor can fangirl a little over them and the episode can make weird meta references to their work. madame de pompadour was too obscure and shakespeare is too familiar, but dickens struck the nail right on the head. i think agatha christie next season also nails it. also this trend of "one big history guy per season" kind of dies after van gogh which is a bummer, i like it. you get a personal connection to the historical period, your own little vergil as guide

anyway the guy who plays shakespeare here is so sexy. one earring, chest hair under the pirate shirt. ep 2 obi wan hair and beard. bisexuality. we must stan

we learn that the doctor failed his license test. martha's introduction to history will be repeated almost beat-for-beat in "thin ice" 7 years later with bill, and honestly i like the bill version better. the "just like every other day of your life" hits different. that said this episode does give me the "there was only one bed" trope which made me SICK even if ten ruined it w his rose reminiscing

(just want to say that when they first see shakespeare martha clarifies "and those are men dressed as women?" and ten says "london never changes" and again i think gareth roberts should explode)

i love a good witchcraft story. i love that the main witch has two mothers and they're named "bloodtide" and "doomfinger" really just giving me everything right there. shakespeare is extremely into martha but says some very questionable things about her race, and i would be more inclined to chalk that up to good-natured jabs at the time period if the writer wasn't a creep already. i just learned from googling that he's gay, which is disappointing. he also wrote some episodes i really love ("the lodger") and others i despise ("the planet of the dead") so truly a mixed bag. whatever

anyway this is one of the episodes that i put in my "i don't know that i could defend this as 'good' but i really like it anyway" pile, which is also where "the lazarus experiment" will end up later this season. next episode thankfully we can have kittytime with the macra