#when i finally made it out the game spawned me back in 6-2 which gave me the vivid mental image

[lustsright-handman]

the prime sisyphus experience

[gaylotusthatexists]

I posted 7,892 times in 2022

That's 1,087 more posts than 2021!

485 posts created (6%)

7,407 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2

@/theminecraftbee

@/hermitcraft-enjoyer

@/gattonero17

@/lvpnm

I tagged 1,975 of my posts in 2022

#double life spoilers - 122 posts

#so true op - 35 posts

#so true - 22 posts

#eurovision - 17 posts

#double life smp - 13 posts

#trafficblr - 12 posts

#he <3 - 11 posts

#them <3 - 11 posts

#so true actually - 11 posts

#heartstopper spoilers - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i’m attracted to whoever i’m attracted to which is mostly girls but i’m not necessarily ruling out people who aren’t girls (honestly mostly

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

remember that post from pre s9 that was like what if mumbo had his base as far away from grian as possible? that was very funny but also the fact that in reality mumbo has literally just built his base on top of grian’s is infinitely funnier

155 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#4

okay so for the longest time i’ve been hearing people talk about hollow knight and i finally gave in to my curiosities and downloaded it and i’m like fifteen minutes in and it’s already making me tear up so i guess i made the right decision is this why people won’t shut up about it

247 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

#3

diversity win, my favourite childhood animator youtuber is aroace, good for her <3

276 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#2

It felt strange. 

Jimmy had grown used to the fact that he was always the first out, accepted that his friends would never stop making fun of him for it, understood that he was the universe’s personal punching bag. He’d done this so many times now, died time and time again, forced to watch as his friends went on without him and died one by one, forced to acknowledge that his death was always the kickstarter for countless others, that his death brought doom upon the world. 

And he was okay with that. He’d accepted it, he knew going into the Death Games again that he would be the first out, and maybe no one would mourn him this time. They’d mourned him enough. 

When he found out that this time his very soul was bound to another player, he immediately felt bad. Immediately started to plan out what he was going to say to them in his head, how he was going to explain that they were already gonners, how he was going to apologise every time he hurt them. Knowing his luck, he was probably going to be someone like Grian or Joel, someone who actually had a chance at winning, who was going to be so mad when they found out that Jimmy was their soulmate.

He didn’t get to find his soulmate for himself, not like everyone else. Instead, he felt a surge of pain through his entire body, his heart stopping, his head hitting the ground as he blacked out then woke back up at spawn, heaving in a deep breath as he tried to process what just happened. 

He had died, obviously. He’d died enough to know what it felt like. But it hadn’t been him who had caused that. 

Tango. His soulmate. 

For the first time, Jimmy was on the other side, Jimmy was the one who was mad, Jimmy was the one who could scream and shout and call his soulmate an idiot and demand to know how and why they had died. 

But instead, he looked at Tango’s face, and he saw guilt, anxiety. And Tango immediately started to stutter out apologies, trying to explain himself, and Jimmy could see the gears turning in Tango’s mind, as he tried to figure out a way to make it up to them. 

Jimmy had been in Tango’s position enough times by now. He knew how it felt. 

So he didn’t shout. 

Instead, he took a deep breath, slowly released, then stepped forward and took Tango’s hand, squeezing it gently, reassuringly. Tango looked up at him and breathed as well. They stood there for a while, as Tango composed himself, before they went their separate ways to re-gear, now both determined to protect each other as best they could. 

When they met up again later, there was no ill will between them. There was no shouting, no name-calling, only fond smiles as they built up a house together, set up some farms, pooled together the few resources they could get their hands out. 

And it was strange. So, so strange, to finally be with someone who didn’t immediately view him a liability. 

A good strange, he decided. But not something he was used to, and definitely not something he was expecting. 

As time went by, things got more and more tense on the server. Red names popping up left, right and centre, and somehow, somehow, Jimmy and Tango had managed to remain yellow, managed to protect each other, to preserve one another’s lives. 

Their next death was Jimmy’s fault, and he fully admitted to that. He’d provoked a red name - something he was very good at - and they’d chased him down, dead set on killing him. An arrow lodged in his back, he fell to the ground, and woke up in their bed, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. 

He heard the door to their house swing open, footsteps pounding towards him, and he flinched, bracing himself for what was to come, ready to be called an idiot, desperately trying to come up with an explanation himself, ready for his soulmate to hate him. 

But instead, there was a hand on his shoulder, Tango positioning himself on the bed besides Jimmy, pulling him into his arms. 

“Are you alright?” Tango whispered, his voice soft, filled with concern . Not anger. He rubbed his back, around the spot where the arrow had hit. Phantom pain spread across Jimmy’s back, and he noticed Tango winced, as though he could feel it as well. 

He took in a deep breath, then nodded. “I’m fine. Sorry.” 

Tango shook his head. “No, no, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” 

“It is my fault. I- I annoyed them on purpose and they killed me. They killed us .” 

“I killed us first,” Tango reminded him, and that did get a little chuckle out of Jimmy. 

“Still, I should- I should be more careful,” Jimmy said. “It isn’t just my life on the line here-“ 

“Jimmy.” Tango paused, took his hand, squeezed it. “Jimmy, it’s okay. I promise I’m not upset.” 

Jimmy stared at him, and, with his other hand, Tango reached up to wipe away Jimmy’s tears. He hadn’t even realised that he was crying. After a moment, he gave in. He leaned against Tango’s shoulder, closing his eyes, and Tango let him. Tango let him take as long as he wanted, gave him a chance to recompose himself, a chance to recover. Just like Jimmy had done the last time. 

A long time passed, the two just sat there together, in a comfortable silence. There was no use in going back for his stuff, Jimmy thought - if someone hadn’t already looted it, it would have despawned by now anyway. Meaning he was back to square one, now also on red. He didn’t have much longer, did he? 

“Hey,” Tango finally broke the silence, shifting slightly so he was facing Jimmy. “How about we get you kitted out again, then go get revenge?” 

Jimmy blinked. “Are- Are you sure?” 

See the full post

293 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

love how after smalletho dies in the fishing rod game grian is just sat there in complete silence for like thirty seconds as he begins to realise that his actions have consequences

1,602 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[chachkayes]

So This is Love - Merhayes/ Merlex

About 2 weeks ago, @herrera-n-hayes gave me a prompt in which Merhayes went to visit Alex in Kansas, and there, Alex tells Meredith that she’s smitten and in love with Hayes. The one shot is about 2900 words long because I am someone who has a very hard time sparring details, even the smallest most insignificant ones. Anyways, enjoy some pure fluffy Merhayes and Merlex friendship because I’ve been posting a lot of angst lately and we all deserve some feel-good content every once and awhile. I’m going to insert a ‘keep reading’ line just cause of how long it is. Anyways, enjoy!

It’d been a very long time since Meredith Grey last saw Alex Karev. She’d talked to him on the phone multiple times since he’d left, but most of their time talking consisted of her ratting him out for leaving her, Jo, her kids, Bailey and Richard, and up until she became friends with Cormac Hayes, his department. So, when Meredith Grey received a text in the middle of summer from her best friend saying, “Izzie’s out of town next weekend, would you want to come visit me and the kids? You could bring your kids.” She knew she had no reason to say no. Part of her wanted to, so bad. But she was admittedly missing her person – she had just made some major life changes and she wanted so badly to tell Alex and get his approval. So, she said yes, and went to find the one person she knew she wanted to bring along.

 “Hey,” Meredith said softly, coming up behind her boyfriend and placing her hand on his back. He turned to look at her and smiled. “Hey. How’s it going?” He asked her as she grabbed his hand. “How would you feel about taking a trip next weekend to Kansas? With the kids and I, to visit Alex?” He looked at her, surprised. “Really? Are you sure you want me to go with you? You haven’t seen Karev in a while, are you sure you don’t want to catch up alone?” Meredith appreciated that he wanted to let her have time alone with Alex, but she knew that Alex was opinionated and wasn’t afraid to tell her when she was making a mistake – and she wanted him to confirm that she was doing the right thing. She knew in her heart that this was who she was meant to be with and that nothing he said would change how she felt, but his approval would be nice.

“Yeah – I’m sure I want you there. It’s important to me. We can give the boys the option of whether or not they want to stay home or come with us.” Austin and Liam Hayes were now 16 and 18 respectively, and while they were very quickly bonding with Meredith’s trio, she didn’t know if they’d really want to hang out with a 9-year-old, a 7-year-old, 2 6-year-old’s and a 5-year-old while their parents were all hanging out. “Okay.” He finally said after a minute of contemplating the offer. Meredith’s face lit up. “Really?!” She smiled brightly. “Yeah, really. We can talk to the kids tonight after work.” Meredith squealed ever so slightly as she hugged Cormac. “You’re the best.” She said confidently, kissing him quickly afterwards. “I’m gonna go talk to Bailey, make sure we’ll have next weekend off.” Cormac’s pager went off. “I was going to offer to go with you, but it never ends. We can talk more later.” They gave each other one last quick kiss and went their separate ways.

--

 Later that night, after finishing their shifts and getting approval from Bailey to get time off for the following weekend, Meredith and Cormac headed back to Meredith’s new house. She’d decided to sell her old house to Amelia and Link, who’d recently gotten married and were expecting their second child in a few months. It had felt a lot like deja-vu from when she sold Alex the house to move into the dream-house with Derek and Zola, while she was expecting Bailey. Meredith’s only request when picking out her new place was that it had to be close to Amelia and Link – she didn’t want to have to drive very far in the middle of the night if they were having troubles with Scout and eventually their daughter.

The Grey-Shepherd children quickly ran up to their mother when she got inside. “Hey guys!” She said, kneeling down to hug them. Little Ellis gave Cormac a quick hug too. She’d quickly taken a liking to Cormac, and she took after her mom in how she always called him ‘Hayes’. Cormac had made it very clear to the kids when he and Meredith began dating that he could not and would never replace their dad, and he’d never overstepped with their trust. Meredith did the same with Austin and Liam, but it took them a bit longer to warm up to her since they were, well, teenage boys, and they were old enough to remember losing their mom. Eventually they got there though, and Meredith and Cormac were ecstatic when they did.

Cormac headed downstairs to say hello to his sons, get them away from their video games long enough to talk to them about the trip, and then get them back home. It was convenient for Meredith that her boyfriend’s children were old enough to watch her three. It gave the boys opportunities to bond with the kids and gave Meredith some peace of mind that her babies were in relatively good hands. Meredith entered her living room and gathered her kids around her. “So, guys, I got a text from Uncle Alex this morning.” The children’s eyes lit up – Zola’s especially. “And he invited us all over to his house to meet your cousins and hang out with him for the weekend.” That sentence was followed by jumping and squealing from all 3 of the children. “So, how does a plane ride sound next week?” More squealing and excitement followed. Meredith knew that this news would have her kids bouncing off the walls and pestering her about whether It was time to go yet or not, for the next week.

Meredith was spot on in her guess about the kids pestering her every day until the night before they left. The night before leaving was hectic – Cormac, Austin, and Liam were staying at Meredith’s overnight, which meant packing for 5 kids and 2 adults all in the same house. The couple was grateful to have Amelia so close to help Ellis pick out what things she wanted to take, while Meredith packed for herself and Zola, and Cormac helped Bailey in his decisions between superhero shirts. Austin and Liam were just trying to figure out how many portable games they could feasibly bring along without getting in trouble. Early Friday morning, the gang packed their suitcases in the back of Meredith’s car and made their way to the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Maggie and Amelia followed along in Amelia’s car, so that Maggie could drive the car back to the house after they made it into the airport and onto the plane.

5 hours later, the plane had safely landed, the car was rented, and everyone was on their way to their hotel. Austin and Liam had successfully convinced their dad to let them stay in a separate room from the one where he and Meredith and her kids would be sleeping. About an hour after arriving at the hotel, everyone was sufficiently unpacked. Zola, Bailey, and Ellis were antsy to go visit Alex. Austin and Liam decided to stay back, so Cormac and Meredith loaded the Grey-Shepherd children into their rental car and headed for Alex’s place.

--

Ellis, Bailey, and Zola were giggly as Meredith pulled into the driveway of Alex’s farmhouse. Cormac only found himself feeling increasingly nervous. He’d already met all of the people Meredith considered family at the hospital, except for Alex. He didn’t even know if Meredith had told Alex that he was joining them. He knew that Alex was, aside from Cristina, Meredith’s best friend and that making a good first impression was key, far different from the first impression he’d made on Meredith. She parked the car and the two adults got out to let the kids out of their car seats. The kids immediately ran to the door and started pounding on it. Alex opened the door and the kids jumped on him almost immediately. Meredith laughed as she watched while she grabbed her purse and walked around the car to grab Cormac’s hand before heading into the house. “Hey guys!” Alex hugged the kids who were more than excited to see him. Meredith smiled at her friend. Alexis and Eli came by and the kids immediately hit it off. As Meredith and Cormac approached the door, Alex’s twins were showing off their toys to Mer’s kids. Meredith let go of her boyfriend’s hand to hug Alex. “I’ve missed you so much.” She said as she stepped back from Alex. “Me too, Mer. I’m glad you were able to come visit. Now are you going to introduce me to your boyfriend?” Meredith laughed. Alex knew that Meredith was in a relationship and that he would be coming, she just refrained from telling any details to him other than that. “Alex, meet Cormac Hayes. Hayes, this is Alex.” Cormac extended his hand and Alex shook it. “It’s nice to meet you, Grey and Yang have told me a lot about you.” Alex looked confused. “Wait, you know Yang?” “Yeah, I worked at her hospital in Switzerland for 2 years after my wife died. She talked a lot about some guy she called ‘Evil Spawn’. When Grey and I first became friends, she explained it a bit further.” Alex laughed and the adults moved inside the house further and sat down on the couch, with plenty of conversation to go around.

After hours of talking and being intermittently interrupted by the young children showing them various toys around the house, the sun began to set. Cormac liked Alex, the two pediatric surgeons found they had a lot in common, and it was easy to keep conversation flowing between the three of them. However, he knew that it was wind-down time for all of the children, and he wanted Meredith and Alex to have some time alone to catch up. Meredith was just about to check the time on her phone, but Cormac pushed her hand down. “It’s getting late, I know the kids have to wind down and go to bed soon. You stay here and spend as much time as you want with Alex, I’ll take the kids back to the hotel and take care of them for the night.” Meredith looked up and half-smiled at her boyfriend. “Are you sure?” She laced their fingers together. “Yeah, you two have fun.” The two smiled at each other, and Hayes kissed Meredith’s cheek. “Alex, it was nice meeting you.” “You too.” Alex responded enthusiastically. The men shook hands and Cormac rounded up the kids, getting them ready to head back to the hotel.

Meredith helped put Eli and Alexis to bed after she said goodnight to her kids and boyfriend, then she and Alex made their way to his kitchen. “Please tell me you have tequila.” Meredith said with a laugh. Alex smiled at his friend and pulled a bottle of tequila from his liquor cabinet for Meredith, and a bottle of whiskey for himself. “You and Hayes really have a lot in common, he loves whiskey.” Alex smirked at his best friend. “Your boyfriend has been gone for maybe 10 minutes and you’re already talking about him again.” Meredith smiled at Alex’s acknowledgement. “What can I say? He’s pretty great.” She exclaimed with a massive smile as she took a drink from the tequila bottle. “So?” Meredith continued. “What did you think of him?” She could tell that the two got along but she was more interested in what he had to think about the relationship. “Well, what matters is how you feel about him.” Alex told Meredith, encouraging her to talk about her feelings rather than his own. The best friends made their way back to the couch and Alex tossed Meredith a blanket. “Now, tell me what made you fall for him.” Alex was genuinely interested in Meredith’s response to this. It wasn’t like he hadn’t already made up his mind about Cormac, but he wanted to hear the truth from Meredith before telling her what he thought.

“He’s just the best. He loves the kids, they love him, and he always makes sure to talk to the kids about Derek – he loves seeing how they light up when they get to talk about their dad. He just instantly knows when I need to deal with something by myself or if he needs to help me out, he never oversteps, and he never gets jealous when I talk about Derek. I’m telling you Alex, Cristina really knew what she was doing when she sent him to Seattle. I’m really glad she did.” For the next five minutes, Meredith continued to list off all the things he did that made her smile, laugh, and just feel genuinely happy. Alex chuckled to himself listening to his best friend ramble about Cormac. “What?” Meredith’s heart began pounding when she realized he was laughing. “Dude, you’re in love.” He smirked and laughed at her a little more. “Like, in love, in love. You’re infatuated. I hope you’ve told him by now because it’s plastered all over your lovesick face every time you look at him. Have you told him you’re in love with him yet?” He asked her. “We’ve almost said I love you a couple of times. But no.” Alex’s eyes widened. “Trust your heart, Mer. He’s not Derek, but he knows that. And it really seems like he respects that. You’re lucky to have found him.” Meredith smiled at Alex. She knew he was right. She did love Cormac Hayes. Her heart was full – she’d just gotten her best friend’s seal of approval, she accepted the fact that she was in love because of it, and she was sitting with Alex, on his couch, drinking tequila with him just like old times. They moved on from the topic of love fairly quickly, and instead they sat together, laughing and reminiscing about their past.

--

Meredith arrived back at the hotel about 2 hours later. Her children were fast asleep, but Cormac was still wide awake, laying in their bed. “Hey.” Meredith whispered as she quietly put her purse down. Cormac looked up from his phone and smiled at his girlfriend. “Hey, did you have fun?” Meredith smiled back at him. “Yeah, I did. Thanks for taking the kids back to the hotel. I think all the playing with Alexis and Eli wore them out.” She laughed quietly, as did he. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about them till later tomorrow morning.” Meredith finished getting out of her daytime clothes, put on her shorts and bralette, and climbed into bed. “I was waiting for you to get back before going to sleep.” He whispered in her ear. She kissed him tenderly as she remembered what Alex had told her. “You know, talking with Alex tonight made me realize something.” Meredith said as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Oh yeah, what?” He asked, lacing their fingers together. “I don’t want you to freak out.” She said, looking up at him. His face changed to be incredibly confused very quickly. “What would I freak out about?” He asked her, worried.

“While I was talking with him tonight, I realized that, uh, I love you. More than that - I’m in love with you. With us, with the idea of our families coming together. And, uh, it’s totally okay if you don’t say it back, or are a little spooked. I know the first I love you can take time to come to terms with.” Cormac’s face became more and more surprised with every word Meredith whispered. She turned on her side, fully expecting Cormac to turn away from her while he processed everything that she’d just told him. But, like it was an everyday occurrence, Cormac immediately shifted and turned on his side as well, facing her back, and he wrapped his arm around her waist. During 2 minutes of complete silence, Cormac Hayes kept thinking about how Abigail told him before dying that she wanted to see him fall in love again. He thought about how happy he was with Meredith, how deeply she respected Abby and how much she loved hearing the stories he’d tell her about her. 

So, even though it scared him, he pulled Meredith closer to him in the bed, to which she tangled their legs together and laced their fingers together, and he whispered in her ear, “I’m in love with you too.” He could feel her once racing heartbeat begin to stabilize, and her breathing became more normal as well. Though he couldn’t see her face, he could feel her smiling as their faces nuzzled together. He placed one last kiss on her neck and cheek before closing his eyes and falling asleep, happily holding the woman he loved. He knew for a fact that Abigail was rooting for them in heaven, and that she was happy to see them so happy, to see her sons so loved, and to see Cormac finally fulfilling her final wish for him.

[some-creep]

Creep Ranks: The Dark Souls Trilogy

Because I finally beat all three of them.

Dark Souls 1: I got Prepare to Die like. When it first came out. I was terrible at it so I stopped playing. I beat the Taurus Demon and that was it. I didn’t start playing them again until quarantine when I decided to give it another shot as genuinely as I could. And I was terrible at them again. But instead of giving up I kept trying. Anyway, DS1 was a game I was always hesitant to play because I’m very bad at navigating large, sprawling, interconnected worlds. I am TERRIBLE at games like Castlevania and Metroid because of this so I don’t play them. I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the navigational stuff especially because you don’t get fast travel until midgame. But it wasn’t as hard as I thought. In fact, most of the game wasn’t as hard as I thought. Most of the difficulty of these games is in your head. Like sure, they’re difficult, but you get better and they’re not so scary. Anyway. I used NPC summons a lot because I wasn’t very good at handling bosses on my own (O&S anyone?). Sen’s Fortress and whatever the area before Seath is called with the invisible platforms were horrible and I hated them. I DID them, but I hated them. Those bits in Anor Londo too. You know the ones probably. The amount of thin platforms you have to navigate in this game was more than it needed to be. The HUD is also very ugly. I really liked the game though and decided I wanted to play the others. I initially skipped 2 and went straight to 3, beat 3, then went back to 2. As you do. Anyway DS1 is a great game and if you’re interested try it. I hear the remaster sucks but its the only one you can buy now. Weirdly the switch version of the remaster uses the old graphics, which are better because the lighting is better. Do with that what you will.

Dark Souls 2: I got Scholar of the First Sin, again, around the time it launched. Again. Horrible at it. Got no where. Gave up. At the time of writing this I have not yet done the DLC. I should mention I didn’t do the DLC in 1 either, but started NG+ before doing it so I’d probably have to restart… whatever. DS2 is… I don’t think I can say anything that hasn’t been said before. Mechanically this game just is not very good. I played this AFTER 3, so it felt shockingly easy by comparison. You are showered in souls, levels are insanely cheap, bosses are incredibly slow.  Most of the bosses I beat w/o summons, (and none of them took me more than 3 tries...and I SUCK at these games) although I used them for Watcher and Defender because that boss was kinda lame. The final boss was… Yeah. Maybe the DLC has better bosses and I’ll see later. The lock on in this game is broken. Even if you lock on in a 1v1, once you kill them, chances are it’ll zip to an enemy above you that hasn’t seen you yet. This happened more than once. It also tends to favor enemies behind you over ones in front of you regardless of how close they are. If not for all of the weird mechanical hang ups, this game would be the easiest in the franchise. It still is if you can get over them. I installed a mod to make the weapons not degrade twice as fast but I don’t think it worked because they still seemed to degrade incredibly fast. Can’t say for sure. Also there are so many dudes in any given area which I think was done to encourage you to kill them over and over until they stop spawning but that’s also kinda dumb. I don’t know. If you didn’t play 1 or 3 you might not notice some of this. Or maybe you’ll find it even worse. ADP controlling your i-frames while dodging and how fast you drink estus was a bad choice. I probably didn’t hate this game, but I found it to be the weakest. This game got rid of leveling up at any bonfire which also sucks. Wish DS3 hadn’t kept that but oh well. Losing part of your max HP when you die was bad and feels like it only exists to punish new players. But going hollow doesn’t prevent invasions? This game felt like it had a LOT of NPC invasions too. Maybe 1 and 3 do too but I didn’t spend a lot of time human. Hm.

Dark Souls 3: Not long after beating 1, I got this game. It’s the Dark Souls of Dark Souls games. Okay maybe it’s not that bad, but the jump (for me) to 60fps made everything much, much faster. And smoother. Going from PtDE to DS3 is like. Wow. Anyway everyone in this game is incredibly fast and hates you and wants you to die. It also had to wean me off of using NPC summons. Because I didn’t do one of the quest lines, I missed out on summons. So I was forced to just git gud. Lorian and Lothric were very difficult. I found Soul of Cinder to be hard too but I think people disagree with that (I couldn’t summon for either of those bosses so it was just me improving til I won). At the time of writing this I beat the first DLC (streamed beating Sister Freide, that was fun :) ), and started going through the other. Beat Dancer on my first try which I am still very proud of, and the consumed king in two. Did not yet beat Nameless King but I probably will. I think I had the most fun with this one because I was used to the souls formula by now and understood what to expect from things. However, in terms of exploration, this game is the weakest. It’s incredibly linear compared to 1 and even 2. That didn’t bother me because my favorite part is the combat, but I know a lot of people think this game was too boss focused. I dunno. 3 might be my favorite of them all. It certainly has the best looking HUD of the trilogy.

TL;DR: DS1 -  Most exploration, some difficult navigational things caused by the environment and not just enemies. Bosses hit hard but GENERALLY weren’t overly fast (but I havent played the remaster) 8/10 DS2: Less exploration, but fast travel from the start. Fewer instances of dangerous walking but a few miserable sections overloaded with dudes. And poison statues. Bosses are slow and it’s easy to upgrade your weapons and yourself. Could be a good place to start if not for all the mechanical jank. 6/10 DS3: The least amount of exploration probably. Fast travel from the start. I can’t remember any sections with pits and dangerous walking. Enemies are incredibly fast and dangerous. Most bosses are incredibly fast too. 9/10

[msotherworldly]

6 Features I Would Like to See in the Sims 5

1) A Semi-Open World

Much as people might gripe about loading screens, there is one advantage to having lots load separately: it enables you to visit multiple worlds within the same save file, and to play active careers without having to worry about other members of your household while you do so. Sims 3 limited you to one world, which meant starting a new game if you wanted to explore the new towns added with Supernatural or Island Living type expansions.

However, having to load each individual lot makes the world feel empty, as well as encourages your sims to be introverts if you don’t have the patience for loading screens.

A compromise could be having semi-open areas. Streets, or even whole worlds, could be “open,” with a loading screen only required if you want to visit another world or follow a Sim to work. You’ll be able to see your neighbours coming home from work, kids going by on their bikes, people heading to their homes from the bar, and all those little activities that just make the game more lifelike! This should also stop children from randomly spawning in the streets when they’re supposed to be in school!

2) Base Game Pets & Seasons

It’s been said before, but it’s worth repeating. Cats, dogs, snow, and rain are intrinsic parts of our day to day lives. Discussing the weather is a social no-no, because it’s such a common part of our day. Not only is it frustrating having to buy the exact same content (however improved) several times, but it often comes too late. It was years before either Seasons or Cats & Dogs released, which meant that for our earlier play throughs our Sims spent their lives in perpetual summer without any animal companions whatsoever.

The inclusion of pets and weather from the beginning would make room for more original content, too. A pack could still be released that was themed around winter or summer skills (skiing or water polo), and expansions featuring less common animals, such as horses, pigs, snakes, parrots, and more, could be sold. Personally, I’m still holding out hope for a Farm Expansion.

Finally, Pets and weather would be more integral to overall game play: if another expansion came out, cats & dogs could receive clothing from each pack, there being no possible compatibility issues, as well as stuff packs that wouldn’t annoy by being mostly useless to base game players (I’m looking at you, Pet Stuff).

3) A Colour Wheel

The Sims 3 wowed me as a kid, and I made my share of funky houses (everything was neon coloured and liable to burn out your eyes). While the current limitations might keep your homes looking less eccentric (no more couches with lime green and hot pink zebra stripes), it also removes a layer of personality from the proceedings.

A big component of the Sims is creativity, and being able to make whatever you can dream up. Understandably, the availability of hundreds of swatches for every surface led to struggling computers. Even decent gaming machines were liable to freeze when running the Sims 3, and textures didn’t always load on time, leading to strange white textures that suddenly popped back into existence. Even if the game wasn’t setting your computer on fire, the game was usually lagging.

While I’m okay with so many patterns being removed, I sorely miss having a colour wheel. Players, builders in particular, have expressed frustration over not being able to mix and match different pieces due to the default swatches not gelling well. I personally love vibrant clothing, so I’m disappointed when I encounter a pretty shirt only to end up discarding it for coming in the same washed out grays and pastels. A colour wheel, with the occasional pattern thrown in on individual items, would add a whole dimension to creation—as well as remove the need to download recolours.

4) Memories

Earlier Sims titles had a system where your Sims would form memories based around certain events, including life milestones: they remembered their first kisses, their marriages and divorces; they could remember their birthdays; and they could remember the deaths of friends and families. While it didn’t add much to game play, it nevertheless gave your sims more depth. You could open their logbooks, and find a scrapbook of all of their experiences, complete with photographs capturing the moment.

If such a feature were included again, it could be tweaked to affect game play. Sims who have a “divorce” memory might be more awkward on a first date, having a harder time increasing romance. Sims who have a memory of one or both of their parents dying might be afraid of the Grim Reaper. Random moodlets could crop up, such as “Remembering Deceased Pet” or “Remembering First Date,” which would change their mood. Some might also be triggered by chance: someone who has a “Divorce” memory might trigger an Embarrassed “Remembering Divorce” during their next date.

It’s not the highest on my wish list but, if implemented right, it could add even more depth to the game.

5) A Fear Emotion

The Sims 4’s biggest selling point from the onset of it’s creation was it’s emotion system. No longer would Sims simply be “Happy” or “Unhappy.” They could now feel varying moods: the discomfort from being in a dirty room is, after all, very different from the negativity experienced when dealing with grief.

Despite the introduction of a robust emotion system, one common emotion was conspicuously absent: fear. I always pictured this emotion as being represented by the colour black, or possibly a hideous orange. A number of events would trigger the emotion in Sims if it existed: the arrival of a vampire guest, being at the top of a three story building, or even activities as simple as swimming or cooking.

In the Sims 3, Sims would develop a negative moodlet when going out at night (they could be afraid of the dark). In the Sims 2, Sims also had their own distinct fears, such as a fear of having a child. During character creation, Sims should be given unique fears (such as fear of kids, fear of dogs, or fear of lightning storms) that would then trigger a moodlet in game. Some could be comical: a Sim could be made with a fear of Goopy Carbanora. Certain events could trigger fear in almost all Sims, such as a fire. While some could argue that a “fear” emotion could make the game too dark, it’s worth mentioning that this is a game where people can die or be attacked by vampires. Such an emotion, if done well, could add plenty of classic Sims humour to the game.

6) More Ages

The Sims life states were revolutionary when they came out...but twenty years later, they haven’t changed. Subtle differences between existing states have also disappeared, making teens and adults impossible to tell apart. When the Sims 4 launched, it was even missing a previous life state, Toddlers. This upset family players in particular. Babies, too, don’t even count as a life state in this game, being tethered to their cribs.

While more should be done to improve the current life states, additional states should also be added. The inclusion of a preteen state would help to separate the 10 year old Sims from the 17 year old ones. 12 and 13 year old kids occupy their own sphere in life, struggling with the idea of trying to act grown up and begin dating while still playing tag in their free time.

Separating Elders into two states would also add realism to the game, as there’s a big difference between a gray haired 65 year old and a hunched over 90 year old. Some Sims could have chance cards, depending on their fitness levels and other attributes, which would determine whether they would die at the end of the Elder life stage, or progress to the Older Elder stage, where their hair would turn white and they would have to adopt the use of a cane or a walker. Adult Sims could be labeled as middle aged, and given more distinct features of aging (gray at the tips of their hair and slower gain in fitness skill).

[atsushishelteredinmoonlitjasmine]

Fire Emblem: Awakening Thoughts

As of the date May 20th, 2020, I finished my playthrough of Fire Emblem: Awakening on its one year anniversary of when I got it. It is now June 5th of writing this. This post will be my thoughts and feelings on Awakening, much like the KH3 Grievances and Blessings post last year. Let's get into some history between me and Fire Emblem before I go into Awakening.

As I've said before, Awakening was both my first Fire Emblem game and my first Tactical RPG. Smash Bros. was where I had heard of Fire Emblem but it wouldn't be until Ultimate came out that I would start to get interested. It was because of my friend's preference for Lucina that got me into playing as her in Smash and that's pretty much how she became both one of my mains and a favorite. It honestly wasn't till I listened to the Smash remixes of Id, Conquest, and Lost in Thoughts All Alone that I decided to play Awakening and then Fates. So thanks go out to both Smash and my friend Eric for converting me to Fire Emblem trash!

Much like the KH3 Grievances and Blessings post, I'll be going over every aspect of Awakening I can think of, from the graphics to the gameplay to the story. I'll even include a Best/Worst Girl and Boy of both generations because that kind of thing seems to matter to some people, along with my reasons for why X is Y. Keep in mind that whoever I choose as those categories, it is just my opinion and you're free to disagree with me. I say this because I know that, no matter what I say, some diehard fans will get pissed at me and come at me for daring to shit on their favorite character. I already know some people are gonna get mad because they think X should be Best/Worst and that'll be fun to see (You can interpret that as sarcasm if you want).

Listed below are Awakening spoilers, so if you want to play the game and don't want to be spoiled, now's your chance to stop reading. I know Awakening came out in 2013, meaning 6 or 7 years ago, but there may be some people who haven't gotten around to playing it yet so I want to be courteous to them. Here are my thoughts on Fire Emblem: Awakening!

First off, the graphics. I think they looked really nice for a 3DS game that came out in the early 2010's and I believe this was Fire Emblem's first fully 3D game as well so that's really impressive. The in-game models were nicely detailed, the in-game sprites were nice looking, and the prerendered cutscenes were beautiful. This doesn't mean they're not without their faults, though. I wish the in-game cutscenes were more animated because it's easy to tell when an animation's been used over and over again, I feel as if the in-game sprites have some dissonance with official art, and there are times where expressions or animations for the prerendered cutscenes have looked pretty awkward. In terms of the first and last point, I'm giving IntSys some slack because, as I stated earlier, they were developing a game for the 3DS, a powerful handheld device but it's still a handheld, and this was FE's first 3D game so there may have been issues transitioning from 2D sprites to 3D models. I'll explain what I mean by my second point. I've looked at Cynthia's official art and when I see her face, I tend to see what I'd call a baby face, pudgy cheeks and all. Her in-game sprite, however, her face is sharper, more mature, if that makes sense. Maybe it's the pigtails throwing me off or it's just a difference between two art styles, I don't know. I'm not an artist so there's not much weight behind this but I'm just saying there's somewhat a dissonance between official art and in-game sprites.

Secondly, gameplay. I loved how easy it was and how I could switch between a simple and complex UI if I wanted to see which attacks could hit or what the enemy's stats were. This may sound stupid but I honestly thought it'd be way more difficult due to this being a Tactical RPG. I know strategy's a big part of Fire Emblem but strategy's not a big problem if you're like me and you grind to hell and back. Speaking of which, I played on Easy Casual mode so that might be why it seemed so simple from the get-go. Just to give you an idea of how much I grinded, I put in 200+ hours and that mostly consisted of buying a shitton of Reeking Boxes, spawning Risen on some of my favorite grind spots, and fighting them over and over again. I went through the 3 basic classes each character could have, maxed out their default class one last time, promoted them to their advanced class, and maxed out those classes 2-3 times over. I have a video on my Twitter that shows the stats of these characters and most of them are over 220 (The shapeshifters 300). Needless to say, I loved each and every fucking crit I got. Cordelia even got what I call a miracle crit, which means she got 2 crits in one round and after the enemy attacked, she got another 2 crits. Level grind ain't a joke in this game.

Thirdly, the music. Considering it's part of why I got into this game in the first place, I loved it. As I'm writing this, I'm listening to the OST and it sounds so much better when you don't have the ambient sounds and you're not listening to it through the 3DS speakers. The song that hit me the most and just gave me the overwhelming feels was Id~Sorrow as it played in Chapter 21. It fit so well with the tone of the scene and I just sat there for a few minutes, letting it play in the background as I did shit. Other notable mentions are Id~Purpose, Destiny, Conquest, and the song that is just ellipses. If the music is this good in Awakening, I can't wait to see what's in store for Fates!

Fourthly, the voice acting. For a game where most of the voices come in forms of clips, I thought they were good. Each of the actors tried their best to convey their characters in the clips they were allowed to have and I think it shows. The only critique I have, and it's not the actors' fault, is that some of the characters' voices don't fit them. I'm not saying they miscast these characters, it's more like the direction was off, if that makes sense. Let me bring up Cynthia, Kjelle, and M!Morgan as examples. I don't think it's a stretch to say that, sometimes when you look at a character, you kinda imagine what they'd sound like before you hear their actual voice, right? I already brought up Cynthia's looks so I imagined her voice to sound very high-pitched and maybe a little childlike. I hear her voice and, while she's high-pitched and some of her voice clips do go into that childlike territory, she's nasally sounding and more mature. Kjelle is a complicated case in that, her voice fits her appearance (minus the armor) but not her personality. Her personality is similar to Sully's so I figured her voice would sound gruffer and not...cute, if that's the right word. M!Morgan's, I think, everyone can see the problem with. He's supposed to be the youngest of the kids, right? Since he's the only third generation character and all that? I think he just sounds a little too old for the supposed baby of the kids. Again, I'm not saying the voices are bad or that the delivery/emotion was bad, I just think the direction in which they were voiced don't fit some of the characters. Maybe I'm just thinking in terms of archetypes or something.

Now we move on to the story. I can't say as to whether it was good or not, mainly because I spoiled myself on it way before I decided on playing Awakening, so I don't think I can say much to the quality. The least I'll say is it's serviceable. I'll admit, the one thing I was shocked by was the appearance of the Grima Avatar because I thought Grima was inside Robin the whole time and I didn't think he'd have a separate vessel. I straight up thought Grima!Robin was either my mother or a twin I wasn't aware of so I'm giving credit to the writers for surprising me. Anyway, I think the only flaw I have with the story is with the pacing. I thought the first half was fine, it wasn't too fast or too slow. It was the second half that the pacing couldn't find a middle ground. Now I'm going to say that this half was stretched out over months of my playtime so whatever I say next might be exaggerated because of my procrastinating ass so... I feel like the Valm arc was way too slow and the Grimleal arc had so much trouble finding a middle ground. The beginning of the Grimleal arc was quick but Grima himself decided that I had to finish 2 and a half chapters before I finally got to beat him and you have to deal with constant reinforcements before you kill off the target. I think if it weren't for my overleveled as fuck units, I wouldn't have finished Awakening in time for my birthday.

Just for shits and giggles, I'm gonna say what I picked for my choice with both Luce's judgement and Grima's fate. I picked the self-sacrificial choices, which means I accepted Luce's judgement and allowed her to kill me and I dealt the final blow to Grima so Chrom didn't have to. While I knew the outcomes of both choices and them ultimately not meaning anything, I wanted my Robin to reflect what I would've done and I'm a very self-sacrificial person. Because I made Chrobin happen in my playthrough, which meant Luce was my daughter, I believe that, if my child who came from an apocalyptic world told me I was the reason for that happening and that she came back through time to stop that future from happening so she and the others wouldn't suffer, I would've let her kill me. Parents would and should do anything for their kids and if my death possibly gave my daughter the chance for a better life, I'd take it in stride. As for me dealing the final blow to Grima, if it was to save everyone I loved, I would've done it. Although there's some feelings of wanting to give a big "Fuck you" to Grima and to permanently end the problem so any future descendants wouldn't have to deal with it. This section may sound more philosophical and personal than I usually write but I think it deserved it.

Now we're on to Supports and who I chose to be together. I don't think it's wrong to say that this is where the characters really get to shine and it's because of the Supports I love these kids and how much I'm going to miss them when I move on to other FE games. As for the "canon" couples, I mainly went with characters that I thought would complement each other and this was one of the few things I tried to choose for myself. I tried my best to go for pairings that weren't fan favorites but I'm also not very connected with the fandom as of writing this so I may be completely wrong in which ships were favorites or not. So here are the pairings I got for my playthrough!

Chrom-Robin

Frederick-Sumia

Virion-Miriel

Vaike-Nowi

Stahl-Sully

Lon'qu-Cordelia

Ricken-Lissa

Gaius-Maribelle

Gregor-Cherche

Libra-Panne

Henry-Olivia

Lucina-Inigo

Owain-Cynthia

Brady-Nah

Kjelle-Laurent

Severa-Yarne

Obviously, there are some characters missing from this list and I can explain why. I didn't recruit Kellam and Tharja and it's because your girl is a dumbass. Kellam, I thought, was already on my team, he was just labelled as an ally so I didn't need to recruit him. They really should've made that clear. Tharja, on the other hand, was an even bigger dumbass than me because she decided to charge after Robin, who happened to be in front and was way overleveled, and got her ass promptly beaten with a crit. I regret not getting Kellam but after hearing how awful of a person Tharja is and how many fans are willing to put aside emotional abuse and stalker-like tendencies to have a chance to fuck her, she can stay buried in the sand where I electrocuted her ass. Unfortunately, this does means Noire didn't pop up in my recruitment list and that fucking sucks. The only characters left I didn't have a pairing were Gerome and Morgan. I think Gerome wouldn't really care for a romantic partner because he's all about not wanting to create ties in this time and shit and, since I see Morgan as the baby of the kids, I figured he'd be a little too young to be in a relationship. Despite that, I wish I got him and Nah together because I found out after she was shipped with Brady that Morgan's the only S-Support she'll say "I love you" to and I was immediately filled with regret.

Before I move on to the Best/Worst contest, there's something I need to bring up because I can see what sensible fans have shown now. This game is HELLA gay. Like, holy fuck, how many instances are there where you have two characters of the same sex and they have dialogue that seems to have been written with romantic intent but the writers decide it's meant to be platonic? Maybe I just have this weird line of thought on how straights are because there's no fucking way some of these gay moments would be a thing with even the most accepting straights. Maribelle calling Lissa darling and other pet names, Robin blushing from some of the girls and even mistaking Flavia's proposition for a marriage proposal, Severa looking at Kjelle's abs, the list goes on. I'm not straight because I'd be doing some of this shit with a potential girlfriend if I could! Why did it take IntSys until 3 Houses to implement LGBT+ pairings when this game is right here?! At least this game doesn't have the weird student/teacher relationships 3H has and believe me when I say that, if it weren't for the fact I could give less of a fuck for 3H, I wouldn't play that game for that reason! Anyway, Awakening is hella gay and it should've been the first LGBT+ FE game instead of 3H.

The Best/Worst contest... As I said in the beginning, there'll be a Best/Worst Boy and Girl for both generations because that's fun and it seems to matter a lot to some people. Repeating what I said, this is just my opinion and you're free to agree or disagree with me. One rule I'm putting in is I will try my best to not pick fan favorites. Don't get me wrong when some of the crowd pleasers are good but there are other characters that deserve just as much love as the fan favorites so this is why I'm putting in this rule. Without further ado, here are the rulings!

1st Gen

Best Boy-Lon'qu

Best Girl-Panne

Worst Boy-Virion

Worst Girl-Miriel

2nd Gen

Best Boy-Owain

Best Girl-Cynthia

Worst Boy-Inigo

Worst Girl-Severa

Let's see how many people I piss off with these judgements. So, my reasoning: Best Boy for 1st gen was a big toss-up. I kept wanting to choose between Chrom, Frederick, Stahl, and Lon'qu because they really endeared themselves to me but I chose Lon'qu in the end because he's honestly such a dork (I mean, all of them are) and I gotta admire how he tries to overcome his fear of women and try being there for his wife and daughter if he happens to have one. There's also the fact he has to literally psyche himself up to talk to women if you check in with him in the Barracks and I'm just like "Fucking hell, that's adorable and I GET it". Best girl is Panne because believe me when I say that the moment I see this woman and hear her voice, I'm immediately gay for her. Then she transforms into a giant rabbit, kicks so much ass, and I'm in love. Funny story, I'd talk to my friend about my progress in Awakening on Discord and the moment he asks me who best girl was and I answered Panne, he called me out for being a furry. Granted, I would've automatically said Luce but I'm trying not to pick fan favorites so I get his criticism. If a woman like Panne existed in real life, bunny ears and tail and all, I'd probably become a furry for her, no questions asked. As for worst boy and girl, Virion and Miriel are characters I honestly don't give much of a fuck about. Not that they're bad, I just don't care about their archetypes, if that makes sense. Miriel I found to be boring and Virion's of the Casanova archetype and I've always kinda hated that archetype so that's why they're on the ranking.

Oh boy, 2nd gen. So, best boy being Owain. This boy is going to kill me. He's so adorable and sweet and he's just a good boy. There are literally Tweets on my Twitter where I just gush about him and he deserves so much love. He's just a sweet boy who loves his parents so much and is so proud to be their son and how he manages to rope his cousins (Luce and Morgan) into going with his fantasies and how they just go along with it! Owain is a cinnabun and I want to protect him and love him. Anyway, best girl being Cynthia is sorta the same reason as Owain. She's just so bubbly and happy and just adorable. Yeah, she may get carried away with showboating but I just love her earnest desire to be a hero. I think everyone can see why I paired Owain and Cynthia up. Now for the worst. Inigo and Severa are probably the only characters in this whole game that straight up got on my fucking nerves and for different reasons. Outside of his supports with Olivia and Henry, Inigo's constant flirting with the girls and Robin and inability to take no for an answer just rubbed me the wrong way. I actually put out a Tweet saying how Inigo's like an r/niceguy and I still think he is one. Course, this doesn't mean I didn't have my fair share of laughs from him. I fucking died at his and Gerome's A-Support where he ends up pathetically crying after the emo loner got more game than him and Gerome has to comfort his ass, that was hilarious. It also helped the fact that Liam O'Brien, who I've only heard him as the brooding emo loner role, voiced Inigo as the complete opposite of that and I had a blast. Severa, on the other hand, was...really unpleasant. There's a reason I hate Tsunderes with a passion and it's because they're unnecessarily bitchy towards everyone they know, even if they have no reason to be. Severa, however, was somehow worse because she went out of her way to be horrible to people. My dislike for her was cemented the moment I saw her and Cynthia's C-Support and she chose to make fun of her, despite Cynthia minding her own business and Severa just going "fuck it". However, I should express that I understand why Inigo and Severa are the way they are and that's why I'm not being as harsh on them as I could be. They still have their good moments and I can appreciate them while also raking them over the coals.

So that concludes my review/experience of Fire Emblem: Awakening! Despite some moments of frustration and annoyance, I had fun playing this! I mean it when I say I'm gonna miss these kids but I had plenty of time to spend with them so it's time to move on to newer lands. Next up on the list is Fates and I think I'm siding with Hoshido first. It's funny how, despite me spoiling the story for myself 3 separate times, I still can't remember much, if any, of it so that may say something about the quality. I also know Fates is pretty divisive among the fandom but the thing I know it for is the weird pseudo-incestuous ships it has so that's going to be fun! Hopefully, I'll get around to playing as one of my other mains in Smash, my water horse dragon Corrin, sometime soon and I'll be sure to let everyone know when my journey will start!

[wahbegan]

Review of HD Spooky Specimens

Yes, after finally giving in and playing the remastered version, a few of them actually merit re-assessment. Not all of them, but some. I wasn’t going to do this but THEN someone reblogged my original so what the fuck

Specimens 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 13 all remain the same

#3 (ARACHNIPEDE yeah that’s pretty good right came up with it myself): So, first of all they fixed the “usually in the green room” bug, and now it basically always spawns, and actually comes out of the holes in the ceiling. More pressingly, the mad bastards made it EVEN BIGGER with SIGNIFICANTLY MORE LEGS and, as we’ve established, there is nothing that can’t be made scarier with more shitty little bug legs. Oh yeah, also its speed now seems to indicate it’s just had six cans of monster and a bunch of adderall and it’s about to shit its pants. Then they gave it a really good death screen! One of the only ones where you actually see the process of it killing you! Jesus christ! This thing’s perfect! Firing on all cylinders! They did it, they reached horrible perfection. This thing legitimately scares me now. I fucking hate it. Thank you for that. Previous score: 5/10. New score: 10/10.

#4: (For legal purposes we should clarify it is NOT Samara): The original remains unchanged, but in Endless Mode, which we’ll get to, they put in this new version that has a huge maw of gaping fangs and a bunch of extra arms, plus it twitches all over the damn place like it’s struggling with an epileptic disorder, or possibly Parkinson’s. This is all rather more effective than the usual form, and it has a new power with this weird static overlay effect that ends up basically blinding you before resetting with the sound of a camera, inexplicably, because the devs realized they forgot to suck Fatal Frame’s dick. It does make the chase much more tense, but it also treads that line between hectic and scary and just fucking annoying and frustrating, and occasionally drunkenly tumbles over it. Previous score: 4/10. New score: 6/10. 

#6 (Benjamin Puppetfucker): This, i think, is the only one where the changes in the new game made him significantly LESS frightening. More fair, definitely, but much less frightening. See, in the og, when he spawned, no matter where you were, he’d spawn right behind you. And if you looked at him too long he’d decide to just fucking cheat and teleport behind you. Also sometimes if you tried to hit him with the axe he’d decide to call FORCEFIELD like that obnoxious little shit on the playground we all knew and it wouldn’t take. Now he always spawns by the door and waits there like a good boy for you to calmly saunter over and split his fucking head open. Very good for working out my anger issues, but still. Previous score: 9/10. New score: 6/10.

#12 (URBAN EXPLORERS GONE WILD): Yeah, no, literally the only change they made to this guy is that they added a mechanic where when he sees you outside his mansion, a scare chord plays and he just starts fucking BOOKING it at you, like full on fucking Usain Bolt sprinting at you. Very simple tweak, but also it made me drench myself in piss. Only draw-back to scariness is he apparently has smoker’s lung and can only keep it up for like 2 seconds before he gets tired and has to take a breather. Previous score: 2/10. New score: 5/10. 

BONUS: ENDLESS MODE-

KH1 (Cop Popeye...Copeye?): Yeah, this guy is so slow and ineffective that he’s not even actually in endless mode, but I felt bad leaving him out. Kinda freaky looking? Idk. ACAB 2/10

KH2 (Body bag on loan from Arkham Asylum): He’s aiight. He’s a decent boy. I mean...the fog’s aiight. He’s pretty fast. I like that he fucks with the environment in KH, but there’s nothing really...special about him. He’s just kinda there. 4/10

KH3 (Excellent argument for abortion): So these things are viscerally extremely gross, and the sounds they make are god-awful, but they just refuse to go away, and the god-awful sounds stop being god-awful in a good way and start being god-awful in a decidedly gross way. They either block your way out of a room completely or just hang out and do nothing. Nuisance. Gross nuisance. 3/10

KH4 (The Incredible Teleporting Mummy in a Gown): Yes, I know it’s a hospital gown, shut up, i’m still technically right. Anyway, this dude’s spooky, teleports basically exactly the same way that Mr. Benjamin Puppetfucker does, but his presentation’s nice. I mean what do you want? It’s functionally the exact same monster, so same score. 6/10

KH5 (Now THAT’S what I call a Mad Cow): One of the coolest and most unique designs across any iteration of the game. I love it, especially in this with the glowing eyes and shit? Ooh, mwah, chef’s kiss. BUT....exact same issue Deer Guardian, Guardian of the Deer had. Unnnnfortunately, once you’re out of its maze, you realize that they put it in a maze because there’s really no other way it’s any kind of credible threat to your safety. Just kinda floats along. Doing its thang. It’s just vibin. 6/10. It gets one less point than Deer Guardian because it can’t even go through walls. Amateur.

KH6 (FUNNY TOPICAL REFERENCE THAT WILL AGE VERY WELL): This thing is legitimately freaky as fuck with its eyeless, grinning face and bloody fingers and weird intestine/floral designs on its dress, and the way it appears in front of exit doors is a nice change of page from the usual chase. Then it kills you and between its nonsense death screen and its name in the game files, you learn it’s a fUCKING Rebecca Black Friday joke. Well, that’s getting your score cut right the fuck in half, missy. 4.5/10 Ah shit, I just remembered that this is one of the like two monsters I legitimately dreaded running into, so FINE, terrible genesis to one side and give her an 8/10. I’m still docking her one point from the 9. I can’t let that shit go unpunished.

E1 (Whiteface. It’s literally Whiteface. You know, from Imscared.exe? Yeah that): Now when I say literally, I do mean quite literally. Like they got permission, i guess. So uh...we won’t judge based on that, i guess, since it is an official cameo. Interface screws are cool, second chance mechanic is unique and gross, I didn’t want to run into it, chase is like a bit overly long to where it starts dragging, though. Also since its supposed to be a sentient computer file that breaks the fourth wall, I get very distracted and hung up on the logistics of what the fuck it’s doing in this castle and it takes me right the fuck out of it. Let’s call it a 7/10. 

E2 (Otto the Otter (yes that is its real in-game name)): I, too, hate Five Nights at Freddy’s, and this thing is very obviously not supposed to be scary, it’s supposed to be hilarious and petty and kind of adorable. And he succeeds beautifully. I felt myself cheering for him. I almost wanted to let him kill me so he’d feel good about himself. I love you, Otto. You’re my boy. 10/10

E3 (OH GOD THAT’S NOT E.T.): I fucking love this monster. The soundtrack and interface fuckery are great, the chase mechanic is unlike anything else, it’s truly original, and it’s disturbing in a much more subtle and low-key way that this game is generally sorely lacking. I love this kid infected with an interdimensional parasitoid! At least that’s what I think it is. Hey, if you have a better explanation, I’d love to hear it, smarty pants. (10/10)

E4 (Wolfu, the Wolf Waifu): I’m so conflicted about this thing. I love its gimmick, I love that it sends you to a forest to be ripped apart by wolves, I love the shadow animals. But it’s a fucking anime girl. A FUCKING anime girl!!! I....??? Why is this creature of indeterminate age deliberately drawn to look somewhere between 13 and 16 floating after me? Why does it have catgirl trappings? Why am I suddenly stricken with the unshakable and truly dire knowledge that there is fetish porn of it somewhere? 5/10.

E5 (Lisa it’s just Lisa from P.T.): oKAY, SO. Blatant plagiarism aside (this isn’t like the Whiteface thing, it’s more like the Mermaid Puss being directly lifted out of Amnesia thing), this monster is incredibly effective. Terrifying. Horrible death screen, number one enemy I dreaded seeing. BUT her chase really is obnoxiously long, especially with the looping room number, and eventually you figure out that she doesn’t teleport while you’re looking at her, she just turns invisible to psych you out, so if you just walk backwards she can’t do shit. I’ll still give her a 9/10, but with the caveat that if I wanted to play P.T...I’d just fucking play-Oh. God damn it.

[teamhawkeye]

So I’ve had a while now to reflect after finishing up the Far Cry New Dawn story

WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

It...was a mixed bag overall. There were some things i liked - but there was a whole lot i didn’t like

The Good

The landscape. Hope County has always been gorgeous and it was nice to see it post-Collapse blooming and thriving for the most part

The music. Love it or hate it, it fit the Mad Max-esque theme the Highwaymen had going for them, both score and licensed soundtrack

Improvements in gameplay. Specifically with the GFH. I used Boomer almost exclusively in FC5 and two of my biggest complaints were 1.) he was not able to ride in vehicles with me and i felt bad making him run behind me everywhere and 2.) even with a ton of perks, he was very easily incapacitated by enemies. With Timber, they gave him the ability to ride in vehicles so you no longer have to feel bad about making him walk and they buffed him greatly in comparison to Boomer - he was often like a little walking tank and I greatly appreciated that they took those things into consideration and made tweaks there.

New Photo Mode. oh my god, YES. it still wasn’t perfect by any means, but my god, it was soooooo nice to be able to give your Captain life and emotion!

The Outpost system. Escalating difficulty so you could go back and still have a challenge even as you advanced your perks and weapons was a nice touch, so things never got too easy or stale in that area

Expeditions. It was fun being able to leave Hope County for a bit and see new locations and spend some time doing stuff other than milking the Outposts for ethanol

The Not-So Good

Abandoning characters from FC5. They may be dead and gone, but how are John and Faith and Jacob so glossed over? John maybe had the best fortune in nods to him and the last game, having both his ranch and bunker serve as important locations in New Dawn...but what about Faith and Jacob? Why was there no mention whatsoever to Eli, Whitehorse, Pratt, Hudson, or Dutch? And beyond the dead from FC5′s canon story, what about missing Resistance members? Jess Black, Wheaty, Tammy, Tweak...what happened to them? why were we given no closure on their stories at all? There was so little time spent reflecting on the events of the previous game or its characters - it very much felt like “they’re dead, not questions now, move on”...but the characters of the last game were a big part of what made it so great and it felt like a great disservice to the fans to have them swept under the rug like that.

Main story. I mean...what the fuck even was that last third part of the game??? The first third of the game started off on solid footing but it went off the rails well before the end. And there seemed to be a severe lack of cohesion between what we saw and learned in FC5 to what we see and learn in New Dawn. Joseph’s story about his daughter seems far less important knowing he had some bastard son hanging around one of the bunkers the whole time - why was there never any allusion to him whatsoever? He certainly felt shoehorned in as a result. And how is it one of the Big rules of Eden’s Gate was “no fornication” but Joseph can get away with it? That doesn’t line up with the antagonist we faced off with all of FC5. And what was with the magic??? Like, there was a touch of that in FC5 with the Bliss and the scope of just what it could do...but a ton of the Bliss’s power could be argued to be auditory and visual hallucinations. There was just straight up...magic to explain some of the weird things they included in New Dawn and it made that make some of it feel weak and hollow

Disservice to its villains. Mickey and Lou were done dirty, it’s just that plain and simple. Ubisoft didn’t give them much of anything to do and wasted all their potential. One of the main draws of FC5 was just how good the villains were and one of the largest complaints i saw from FC5 was just how much more interaction we all wanted with them. New Dawn gave their villains a backseat to almost everything else going on in the game. Mickey and Lou almost felt detached from the story at times. With the FC5, one of the best things about the Seeds was how connected they felt to everything you did: they met you face to face a number of times, radioed in constantly to taunt and harass you, upped the ante when you put the heat on them...with Mickey and Lou, it never felt like they actually took you seriously. Or didn’t even care, despite saying otherwise. They address you directly maybe once all game aside from when you have cutscenes with them face-to-face. Their strongest moment was in their defeat and it showed what major potential they had as antagonists - and to be sympathetic as well - and Ubisoft really blew it there and that’s one of the biggest shames

Disservice to its new characters. The new Resistance/Survivor characters got shafted too. You could easily go all game without knowing a single thing about any of the new GFH or Specialists for Prosperity - there’s just not the time to really get to know them or even like them all that much. Rush was certainly built up...to only be kidnapped and potentially left untouched for quite some time and when you go to rescue him, he’s sidelined immediately with very little interaction with him thereafter. His death wasn’t nearly as poignant as Eli or Virgil’s from FC5 - those were two characters who were constantly talking in your ear or available to talk to and help progress the story along. Rush was put there simply to die and give the Captain motivation to keep going and it’s a damn shame since he deserved better - don;t get me wrong, I liked him and was affected by his death, but the emotional impact there is just not as strong when Ubisoft gave him so little time or opportunity to really get close to him like previous installments did with characters. 

Expeditions. I know i said this was a good thing - and largely it is - but it was so small and underused, it was such a letdown. They kinda touted Expeditions as being a replacement for Arcade of FC5, which made me think there was going to be a ton of locations to explore and replay...but in reality, you got like 6 maps and that’s all. Maybe they’ll add more, but that seemed like that got hyped up for nothing

Scale. I get that this was a smaller game, reflected in the time it took to crank it out and the lower price, but god does it feel small. You can almost count how many missions there are on two hands. There were so few collectibles or side missions - idk what’s supposed to be the draw after finishing the main story when you have virtually nothing left to do. And beyond the game’s play length, the map was chopped in half and it was bullshit, quite frankly. Why the hell is the Bliss so concentrated now up in Jacob’s region - shouldn’t that have been the Henbane, since that’s where it was focused and created and still polluted the water there even after destroying Faith’s bunker? It felt cheap to carve off chunks of the map under the guise of “oooh, radiation zone! turn back!” We should have been allowed to explore the remains of Faith’s and Jacob’s bunker, of the Wolf’s Den, or finally be allowed inside the Veteran’s Center! Or go back to the chopper crash site on Joseph’s compound, the truck where Hudson, Pratt, and Whitehorse died on Dutch’s Island, or the truck Burke crashed into the river in the Henbane - all were completely gone and that felt super cheap, like they made no lasting impact when they were such huge moments in FC5. I feel like the two things most of us were excited to do when we learned we were returning to Hope County were learning about what happened to the characters of FC5 and seeing references to those who were lost and then to be able to explore and investigate every corner of the map we had in the previous game to see how the landscape how changed in every place we once knew so well.

Replay value. Honestly, aside from a second playthrough to sweep up achievements/trophies i didn’t get the first time around, i’m not all that inclined to keep the game installed on my console’s harddrive and replay it. If anything, playing this game has reminded me of everything i loved so much about FC5 and made me homesick for it - i’m already yearning to return to pre-Collapse Hope County and i haven’t even been done with New Dawn for 24 hours. It’s a shame when i so love the story that spawned this sequel, but it doesn’t possess any of the heart and soul that the original has.

There’s probably more i’m forgetting, but i’ve been typing for a while now and my brain has called it quits. I just know i went in with too high of expectations and was always going to be disappointed when New Dawn didn’t measure up to FC5...but it fell so short and that is the biggest issue i have. It could have been so much more and that’s the real tragedy

[biscuitreviews]

Biscuit’s Favorite Games

When it comes to a great game, there are a few factors at play. “Is the gameplay good? Is the story great? What cool memories do you have associated with the game? Did the game leave an everlasting impression?” All of these I feel are what help create a favorite game for a person.

Now normally people would countdown to their number one game and although I do have a number one game. There are many other games I enjoy as well and have left impressions on me that I carry with me to this day. 

With that I’m not going to do a “traditional” countdown, but rather give my favorites before going to my all-time favorite (which for some of you shouldn’t be a surprise because I’ve gone on record with it a few times already). With that, let’s go over some of my personal favorite games.

Halo: Reach

I love the Halo series. I love the setting, I love the idea of you being a badass super soldier, and  I love the soundtrack. I have more memories with the Halo series playing online with my friends and Halo: Reach for me has the best memories.

We would often get large groups going into big team matches and when we couldn’t get a large group we would go into the small team games and have tons of fun with either matchmaking or custom matches. There are many times we would stay up until 5 or 6 a.m playing Reach. Reach also spawned off quite a few inside memes with my friends, memes that we still quote to this day. With Microsoft’s recent announcement of Halo: Reach being re-released on PC, we’re looking forward to remembering the good times as we exchange teabags with a new generation of Spartans.

But aside from multiplayer, Reach also had in my opinion the best campaign. It was emotional, it had some amazing epic set pieces, it was challenging, and most importantly Noble 6 was your Spartan model from multiplayer which gave a more personal attachment to the story.

Pokemon Silver/Gold/Crystal

I was on the ground floor of the Pokemon Hype in the 90s. When the follow-up to the amazing Blue/Red/Yellow came out, many of use were ready to embark on a new Pokemon adventure in a new region eager to catch the new Pokemon.

It made great improvements from the original game, adding additional Pokemon types, a story with Team Rocket trying to make a comeback, and the biggest surprise of them all, going back to Kanto and fighting the Kanto Pokemon Gym Leaders. This made the world of Pokemon feel much larger and connected. Ever since then, it’s been a highly requested feature to have a previous region in another version revisited or ot have a nice dense post game. Although, revisiting regions has yet to happen since Silver/Gold/Crystal, each Pokemon game has been released with a good sizeable post game adventure to embark on.

The remakes HeartGold and Soul Silver are just as fantastic.

Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening

There are games that we complete at 100%, then there are games we complete until there’s nothing left. Devil May Cry 3 was the first game that I ripped apart inside and out in terms of content. I completed every single difficulty as both Dante and Vergil, acquired every skill, every alternative costume, and every challenge.

I did it because I had a lot of fun with the game’s combat and it was also my first Devil May Cry game. How I got the game was interesting as well. A friend of mine had Devil May Cry 3 and a relative of theirs gifted them another copy of the game for their birthday unbeknownst to them that my friend had the game already. They asked if I wanted their extra copy and that’s how I got into the Devil May Cry series. One day Devil May Cry 5, one day.

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

The Metal Gear Solid series is one of my favorite game series of all-time. The first entry of the series for the PS1 taught me so many things. In fact, the original Metal Gear Solid also greatly influenced my playstyle, which is emphasis on stealth.

Metal Gear Solid 3 was a great game that challenges your stealth skills. Not only did you have no radar, but you had to be more aware of your surroundings. Not only could you encounter guards, but you could potentially encounter wildlife in the jungle that could and will also harm you. You would also have to eat to keep your stamina up, wear the proper camouflage for the environment for optimal stealth, and you would have to heal injuries through various methods. All of these considerations added a new challenge to the stealth game to where the systems served as an extra layer rather than an annoying chore to keep up with.

Mega Man X4

This game was actually my first exposure to the Mega Man X series. I was already familiar with the classic series and I was eager to play this particular game and learning what the deal with having the X in the title was. It was then I learned that you could play as two different characters, the ever familiar blue bomber, which my 8 year old thought, “Ok, that must be a new model of Mega Man.” However, Zero was what immediately caught my eye, a robot using a lightsaber (which I would later learn it was called Z Saber) as an attack, sign me up!

The gameplay was super fun and there are slight differences in the story depending on who you play as. Granted it’s clear that this entry was catered for Zero rather than X, it’s still a really fun game no matter which character you picked. Similar to its predecessors, the game has also aged really well graphically.

Skies of Arcadia

To me, this is the perfect summer adventure in gaming. You’re a Robin Hood-esque air pirate who comes across a woman from a thought to be lost civilization. This was a turn based RPG where you had use the correct element on your weapon to effectively fight in battles. Not only that but there was also ship battles where you can engage in fighting other Airships.

It’s also a game that I feel constantly gets forgotten by Sega whenever they do Dreamcast collection releases. Skies of Arcadia is great and is one of the few games that I will 100% buy whenever it finally gets the HD remaster that it deserves.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

As far as the Legend of Zelda series goes I love every entry. There are a couple that I don’t like as much, but they still have qualities about them that I find enjoyable. Although Link to the Past was the first Zelda game I played, Ocarina of Time was the first one I would ever own and complete to 100%. At the time of its release it was a open area for you to explore with tackling temples and finding secrets. It also had a neat time travel mechanic with the story having some areas that would have effects on the future.

Telltale’s The Walking Dead Season One

This is a title that revived the the point and click adventure as well as popularize the episodic format. I got into this game during my Walking Dead craze and this game touched me in an unexpectedly emotional way. So much so I got teary eyed on the season finale and if a game manages to invoke such an emotional response within you, you know it did something right. I got attached to Lee and Clementine and the writing for the season was superb. Choices were respected and although there were many events that still happened no matter the choice, it was more reflected in the dialogue and for what Telltale was trying to accomplish, I thought it worked well.

Borderlands 2

Everyone that loves Borderlands 2, loves Handsome Jack and he’s an amazing video game villain. However, I do have a personal connection that cemented this as a favorite. This is a game that my wife and I would completely co-op with no handicap of any kind. What do I mean by a handicap. When it comes to playing co-op games on PC I am hopeless with a mouse and keyboard, where as my wife is completely running the show. Similar to consoles, my wife is hopeless with a controller and I’m taking point.

I used to not be much of a PC gamer. When I got a Windows 10 laptop my wife and I decided to get Borderlands 2 as Windows 10 allowed you to plug in a Xbox One controller without having to download any additional programs or anything. My wife was mouse and keyboard on her PC, and I was plugged in with a controller on my laptop and it changed everything. We no longer had to babysit one another, we could go into a camp of enemies and come out with barely a scratch on either of us. We even got to better understand one another’s playstyle and it complimented each other very well for an amazing co-op experience. Now I have evolved more into a PC gamer and have started playing so more co-op games with my wife.

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt

This is a game that I’ve been replaying and going back through since I played it in 2016. The detail of how character dialogue reacts to your decisions is just amazing. Also the way you go about fighting monsters is amazing as well. You have to study them, research them in your bestiary, drink the appropriate potions, apply the proper blade oil, use the propers signs and bombs in the fight. It gives you the sense that you are preparing for a fight.

CD Projekt Red used a branching story writing program called Articy Draft. It’s a program I myself actually use in my day job. I’m constantly going back to this game and studying it to try to imagine how the writers wrote certain decision points and how it branched out within Articy. Making different decisions and doing quests in a different order are just some of the things I do to further study this game in how they approach it in dialogue with Articy.

All Time Favorite - Final Fantasy X

As I mentioned in a few of my posts Final Fantasy X is my favorite game. I love everything about this game: the story, the setting, the characters, the combat system, the sphere grid progression system and the soundtrack. The way that Square had the player go through the world and learn more about it was genius and allowed for a deeper connection between Tidus and the player. There have been other games that have done this method of relaying plot information to the player, but to me Final Fantasy X was the one that got it right.

One day I will review this game, but I have no plans to review it for a good long time.

Those are my favorite games! I’d love to hear some of your favorites as well!

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title : Komaeda and Hajime raising the spawn of satan

Author : @poisoned-monkey

For : @bidoofgodofdestruction

Rating/Warnings : No warnings other than a nude Monaca running amok

Prompt : The two of them attempting to raise hellspawn child Monaca

Author’s notes : I hope you enjoy, I had a lot of fun writing this!

The day starts off with the shrill cry of the alarm clock going off at precisely 5:30 in the morning. I hear Hajime groan across from me and fumble for the screaming machine. I patted his side sympathetically as I threw my legs over the bed.

“Is it your turn or my turn to make breakfast?” I ask through a yawn and move blearily towards my closet. I thumbed through the clothes until a particular sweater stands out to me: a light green woolen one. It about to be fall and was getting colder by the day. I could also hear the tell-tale pitter patter of rain outside.

“My turn,” Hajime mumbles as he stumbles to the bathroom. I nod though he probably didn’t notice and I shrug my clothes on before I made my way down the hall to the door framed with a dancing skeleton that read “Monaca’s room: beware” in cutesy writing. I take a deep breath and push into the room and flick the light on. The room itself was filled to the brim with toys, books, and games all mingling together in a mess on the floor. Most of the toys were gifts from Monaca’s classmates who seem to have a small obsession with her. The walls were painted with scenes from a myriad of fairy tales from The Little Mermaid to Little Red Riding Hood, which was Monaca’s favorite for the only reason being the pure goriness of the fairy tale. Monaca could be a morbid child at times.

My eyes land on the softly breathing lump curled underneath a vibrant green comforter. It seems the shift in lighting didn’t wake her. It rarely did. I move into the room only to slip on an unfortunately placed car and fall rather dramatically onto the heap of the other misplaced toys that set off a string of different noises from each of the toys. I rub the bump on my face and carefully make my way over to the still asleep girl. She really did sleep like a rock.

Shaking her shoulder lightly, I say cheerfully, “Monaca, it’s time to get up. Best to start the morning with a good attitude.” The girl groaned and slapped my hand away as she sat up while yawning daintily. Her hair was adorably mussed; she and Hajime both were messy sleepers.

I gave a slight giggle. “Do you need help putting on your prosthetics today?” I ask out of habit and she gave me a dirty look. I held my hands up in defense. “I’m guessing that’s a no, I’m going to start your bath. Please brush your teeth and get your clothes for school together.” Monaca gave a dismissive wave of her hands and I took that as my cue to leave.

It took a little bit of fiddling to get the right temperature for the bath because Monaca was very particular about how hot it should be and what products should be in the bath. Hajime thinks that I spoil her by doing this every morning but really it was just practical seeing as though she was too lazy to do this and would probably not bathe if we didn’t make her. Eventually everything was set up and I went to tell her that the bath was ready only to find her slouched in bed with her handheld gaming device. From the little jingle that was playing I could tell it was Escape With Despair 2: Tough Luck. It was her favorite game and she had a particular affinity for the main girl who had wild twin tails and a monochromatic bear sidekick. I found them both rather deplorable, especially the girl.

“Monaca, it’s time to take your bath.” I say gently as she sticks her tongue out at me.

“Maybe Nii-chan should take a bath instead.”

“I don’t need a bath right now but I’m afraid you do.”

“Monaca smells a liar, meow~” She says cheekily before turning her back away from me. I sigh, she’s always so obstinate in the mornings. Maybe that’s how all children are? I would have tried to appeal to her sense of reason but she was as stubborn as they came, it was simultaneously one her best traits but also worst. Monaca was that sort of child.

Sneaking my hand behind her I snatched her gaming device and quickly pressed pause mid maniacal laugh so as to not lose her progress. It was tough love but not completely heartless.

Monaca gasped, “That’s not fair! Monaca was almost done!”

I offered her a pleasant smile. “We both know that’s a lie, Monaca, now it’s bath time.”

She rolled her eyes with all the annoyance she could muster. “Fine. But you have to carry Monaca.”

“Of course,” I say and lifted her with ease as she pouted, refusing to look in my direction but making long suffering sighs every now and then. I picked up her prosthetics and headed towards the bathroom where I deposited her in the tub and placed her devices against the wall in easy reach.

“Don’t forget to wash behind your ears!” I say as she gave another spectacular eye roll. I shut the door behind me and headed towards the kitchen where I could hear something sizzling.

Hajime was busy cooking something that smelled incredible; I was truly lucky to be blessed with a husband who could cook. Especially considering my skills in that area were…lacking. Coming up beside him I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and looked to see he was preparing rice and eggs.

“Did you finally manage to get Monaca in the bath?”

“Thankfully yes,” I looked at my watch: 6:00. “ah, and a few minutes ahead of schedule as well, how fortunate.”

Hinata laughed a bit. “Maybe we can actually get to school on time today.”

“Maybe so!” I reply optimistically but I suddenly get a sense of foreboding. I chatted with Hajime a couple more minutes before I decided to go check up on Monaca because I couldn’t shake the sinking feeling.

I knocked on the bathroom door a couple of times with no response. “Monaca?” Without receiving a reply, I opened the door only to find the bathroom mysteriously vacant of one Monaca but her clothes were still folded where she had left them. I figured she must have gone back into her room but she was neither there or anywhere else in the house. Beginning to panic, I burst back into the kitchen to see Hajime putting plates of food at the dining table.

He looked up, startled, “Komaeda? What’s the matter?”

“I can’t find Monaca! I’ve looked all around the house-“ I started but at that moment we both heard splashing noises coming from outside the kitchen window. We both peered outside to see Monaca outside frolicking in the mud. Completely naked. I had to wonder where Monaca’s allotted sensibilities were stored in that moment.

Me and Hajime immediately dashed outside and into the rain without even putting our shoes on. All the while, I was glad I made Hajime invest in that fencing around the yard. So much for getting to school early.

“Why are you out here in the rain? And naked!?” Hajime exclaimed trying to grab Monaca as she leapt out of the way sending a splash of mud all over Hajime’s clean clothes. Hajime spluttered, it seemed mud got into his mouth.

“Monaca thinks that clothes are overrated and another piece of the patriarchy so she has abandoned them!” She replied cheerfully as Hajime shot a where-the-hell-did-she-learn-that look at me before artfully dodging a glob of mud aimed at his head.

“As for what Monaca’s doing? Playing a game~!” She giggled as she picked up another wad of mud and this time took aim for me. I attempted to move out of the way as Hajime had but only managed to slip and land on my butt with a squelch. How unlucky, that’s twice today.

“This isn’t funny!” Hajime yelled trying and failing to catch the little girl all the while she pelts him with mud, effectively ruining his suit. Monaca just laughed at his misfortune. A bit of pride bloomed in my chest seeing how agile she had gotten with her legs but this wasn’t the time. A thought formed in my head and before her attention was on me again I discreetly picked up my own glob of mud as I stood back up.

“Oh Monaca~” She turned around briefly and that was just the right amount of time for me to take a shot and though I was aiming for her body hit her straight in the face and while she was distracted Hajime let out a yell and managed to capture her.

I let out a sigh of relief as Hajime crowed with victory as he wrapped Monaca up in his jacket and lifted her up like a sack of potatoes.

Monaca attempted to wriggle free, “That was a cheap shot! Not fair!” she cried and beat her little fists against Hajime’s back.

Shifting her weight, Hajime laughed with a bit of effort. “I’m sure you would know,” he said back to her to which her only response was muffled huff.

We put Monaca back into the bath, this time with me guarding the door while Hajime went and changed out of his sopping wet clothes. I shivered in my own dirty clothes while Monaca took an agonizingly slow time which I could only imagine was out of spite but eventually she emerged fully clothed and clean.

“Sorry Monaca took so long! She lost track of time but she’s ready for breakfast now~” she said with a sickeningly sweet voice that wasn’t even remotely apologetic. She eyed me from head to toe as I dripped on the floor. “Gross, Komaeda-nii should go change before he gets the rest of the house dirty.” Monaca turned on her heel and headed to the kitchen without another word.

I looked down at my once clean sweater, now covered in mud, and decided that she was right. I returned to the bedroom and hurriedly swapped my clothes for clean ones; best not to leave her alone for long. Hajime was running the hair dryer in the connected bathroom. He must have had to wash his hair again. I look down at my watch which read 7:20. Well, really so much for getting to school early

When I returned to the kitchen Monaca was thankfully seated at the table but was making a disdainful face at her food. I take my seat across from her.

“Is something wrong with the food?” I ask picking up my own fork to begin eating. The first bite was cold, as expected, but I was really looking forward to a warm meal from Hajime.

Monaca looked up at me and pushed the plate away from her with a smile. “The only thing wrong is Monaca hates cold eggs and rice.” She blinked her doe eyes at me. “Monaca would love some pancakes and you’ll make her some because you love Monaca, riiiiightt?”

I grimace, this was not going to end well. “It’s pretty late Monaca, I don’t think we have time-“ tears suddenly well up in her eyes and I knew that this was going to be an issue.

Monaca’s face turned a blotchy red and she cried out loudly through her watery eyes, “Monaca! Wants! Pancakes! So! You! Should! Make! Her! Pancakes!” I hold up my hands trying to placate her, knowing I had just set off a storm. It was at that time Hajime choose to re-enter the scene, looking confused as he looped his tie.

“What is she screaming about?”

“Pancakes,” I say dryly through a smile.

Hajime raked a hand down his face, “I’m going to be late to work again, aren’t I?”  he said as he made his way back to the stove and put his tie into his breast pocket. We had learned at this point if Monaca was having a tantrum over something relatively small than it was best just give it to her because she could cry for a good couple of hours over it. If it wasn’t small, then we just had to endure.

“Calm down! I’m making the pancakes,” Hajime called over his shoulder while he hurriedly got all of the ingredients. As the smell of pancakes wafted over to me, I frowned. They smelled really lovely. Maybe…

“Hajime…?” I started,

Hajime sighed. “I’ll make some for you too”

By the time the pancakes were done Monaca had calmed down considerably other than a few sniffles here and there for effect. Once the pancakes were placed in front of her she brightened substantially and I laughed despite myself as she chowed down with gusto. I saw Hajime give a small smile as well as he sat at the table to eat the cold rice and eggs, determined to finish what he started I supposed. I patted his knee before I took a bite as well, practically melting over the sweet and fluffy texture.

At about the same time, me and Monaca both exclaimed, “So delicious!”

We both looked at each other and as I giggled, Monaca stuck her tongue out at me. Before she could stuff more pancake into her mouth in an effort to smother the small smile on her lips, I had already noticed it. Hajime seemed to have noticed as well and shook his head. “The dorks that I live with,” he said with a hint of fondness.

The car ride to school was thankfully uneventful and we made it to the school at approximately 8:00. Monaca’s teacher was going to have another word for us I’m sure. She was a sweet woman but tended to be a bit nosey.

Monaca unbuckled from the seat, grabbed her bag and as she was preparing to exit the car, Hajime leaned back to look at her. “Don’t cause any trouble today,” and before Monaca could retort he said, “we love you, have a good day.”

Monaca made a disgusted face. “Gross,” but moved forward and gave us both a quick hug before she hurried out of the car. I watched her go with a warmth in my heart, it was rare for her to be so open. When I looked over at Hajime I could tell he was having similar feelings.

“She’s a little shit,” he said, pulling the car out of the school driveway. “But she’s our little shit.”

I laughed and reached over to hold his free hand. “I couldn’t have said it better.”

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: Soni-Ani: Super Sonico the Animation

This is generally a SFW blog, and especially will continue to be one thanks to certain Tumblr policy changes, but this time a couple of the links are not (though still certainly not explicit), so be advised.

Without further ado, it's time again for Paul Is Weeaboo Trash!

Today's episode: Soni-Ani: Super Sonico the Animation (2014)

Episodes watched: 4

What happens when you take a trip to a ridiculously geeky store, encounter an aggressively-ganguro and barely-dressed figurine (that your wife immediately despises), and you think to yourself "what the hell is this?"  You end up finding, and somewhat regretting, Super Sonico.

This is an odd show right off the bat just in terms of how it came to be.  The main character originated as the mascot of a music festival of the same name, and she just seems to have taken off in popularity in Japan, spawning a series of media including video games, manga, and the anime that is today's topic.

Super Sonico (Yes, her name is すーぱーそに子.  Family name "Suupaa", given name "Soniko".) is a bright but anxious college student who works a seemingly-impossible set of part-time jobs as a model, waitress, and guitarist for the band First Astronomical Velocity (apparently "escape velocity" is a better translation?).  The first episode serves just as an introduction to the main characters with very little actual content or development.  We see Sonico struggle to get up and go to class in the morning, prodded awake by her cats and repeatedly coming back to her apartment for things, we see her late but well-prepared for class, we see her go to work.  The show threatens to get downright sleazy with the scene showing her modeling for a magazine, but backs off at the last second as we're "introduced" to Sonico's manager, Kitamura, who shows up unprompted in an oni mask straight out of Japanese theater to object to an unapproved costume change from a bikini to something presumably even skimpier that we never actually see.  After the shoot, she goes to her second job waiting on customers at her grandmother's bar, which really doesn't seem to establish much of anything plot-wise, before we finally meet her band, which gathers at a rented studio to rehearse their new song, which bassist Suzu has evidently already recorded her own demo of.

That first episode amounts to an extended setup scene, and made me expect that maybe this would be another clumsy attempt at a cute slice-of-life show.  However, the show does quickly gain self-contained structured plots.  In episode 2 we get a better introduction to First Astronomical Velocity as they continue to rehearse for their upcoming concert.  Just like she was at school, Sonico is anxious, enthusiastic, and serious about making good music.  Suzu, the bassist, is overenthusiastic about the stage show side, seems to be in charge of costumes, and clearly either has a crush on Sonico or is a big fan of embarrassing her.  Maybe both?  Fuuri, the drummer, is shown at one point being the voice of reason trying to get Suzu to understand Sonico's feelings, but her personality is really mostly dominated by her being very quiet and eating a lot.  The rest of the episode unfolds in a very sitcom kind of way: Sonico juggles too many responsibilities and skips a last-minute rehearsal before the band is performing to take another modeling gig.  When she gets to the concert venue, however, the rest of the band is delayed and Sonico has to try to stall by performing solo in the costume she previously refused to wear before being saved by her bandmates at the last minute.

The third episode is dominated by another modeling gig, and with it more predictable excuses for fanservice, and although we're getting more screen time with characters who aren't Sonico, they still have very little in terms of personality, which is the show's biggest.  We see more of Kitamura, for example, in part of episode 2 and most of 3, but mainly to continue to show that he is protective of Sonico and uncomfortable with the outfits magazines want her in.  And that he never takes off that mask.  The most interesting and noteworthy event in the episode, assuming you're not just here to leer at Sonico, is that it draws a little bit of a line for itself, as the biggest conflict is Kitamura drunkenly booking Sonico for a TV appearance without either of them knowing the full details, which ends up putting Sonico in a deeply uncomfortable situation that Kitamura interrupts, sword in hand.

Now, I don’t want to be the kind of person who criticizes a show for not being a different show, but at this point, I was just wishing they’d made the show more about the band itself because the modeling parts just drag it down.  It didn’t look like it was going to improve, and I wanted to give up, but based on the plot synopses for the other episodes, I gave it one more try in hopes it would get more interesting and less gratuitous.  I was immediately rewarded by a much, much better episode 4, which consists mostly of an extended flashback telling the story of how Sonico met Toma, a middle school friend with whom she is no longer in touch, from whom she got her guitar and learned to play it.  In a rare moment of actual thoughtful writing, it becomes quite believable that Sonico was extremely shy and, through maturity and practice and the acceptance of friends, became the clearly anxious but overall more confident person we saw in the previous episodes.  It’s like we’re seeing the same underlying conscientiousness manifest in different ways.  The resolution of the episode is sweet, and I was thinking “maybe that was an anomaly and the rest of this show is going to be good!”  After all, it’s quite possible for a show to be fanservicey and also clever or touching.  But then the preview of episode 5 started, and it looks like it’ll be another pretext for mindless creepy fanservice (and Kitamura saving the day), so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  Maybe the show alternates bad and good (or, more charitably, model-centric and band-centric) episodes? Overall, I just don't think I care enough to continue the series.  It's not so bad I’m going to be stuck complaining about it, but it is wildly variable and not good enough overall for me to sit through the “ugh, again?” to get to the “oh, that’s pretty cool”.  I’d call the first and third episodes actively bad, the second okay, and the fourth one good.  Sonico is by far the most interesting and fleshed-out character, and that’s just not enough to make me actually get into it. Oh, and the punchline of the whole thing is: Super Pochaco, who that preposterous figurine is of, is just a background character in this show, first appearing in episode 4 (someone on TVTropes claims she shows up in the background in episode 3, but I didn't see her at all).  I wasn't watching the show for her, but I did hope to find out what the deal is with that figurine.  Meh.  This is not the kind of trash your trashy host wants to dig any further through.

I might buy the music, though.

-----

Revised W/A/S Scores: 6 / 7 / 5±2

Weeb: Plenty of things would be clearer or enhanced by general background knowledge of Japan, but some defy explanation to the moderately-informed weeb — someone with no prior knowledge of traditional depictions of oni will look at Sonico's manager's mask and go "lol wut?", and even after consulting the Almighty Wikipedia, I still have no idea why that particular mask (which apparently represents a obsessive or jealous aristocratic woman?) was chosen.  Also, a lot of on-screen Japanese text is left untranslated, so I wonder if there are sight gags I'm constantly missing.

Ass: Very fanservicey, without ever quite making it to nudity, but also surprisingly upfront and kind of creepy about it, like the show is just a pretext for watching Sonico’s gravure photoshoots.  Like, I was even expecting this show to be basically just pandering for its presumed otaku audience, but it’s not even particularly good pandering.  Outside of the photoshoots, the show is still full of individual shots that draw attention to the female characters' bodies, especially Sonico's breasts and thigh-high socks.

Shit (writing): Continuing that general thought, the fanservice level just ends up dragging and distracting and I think it should count as a point against the writing quality.  As mentioned above in the main review, the writing is wildly variable from episode to episode.  What little characterization there has been for the supporting cast has at least made Fuuri and Suzu entertaining and likeable, and the show certainly doesn’t go as far as that egregious Blend-S problem of not knowing where its own scenes or episodes should end.  Not being terrible, however, is not the same as being good.

Shit (other): This show really is pretty, and most of the music (which there's a lot of, since each episode has its own unique ending themes, all performed by First Astronomical Velocity) is enjoyable.  Honestly, it's just making me more interested in buying the actual albums than getting more into Sonico's various visual media.

Content Warning: Although it's in the context of Sonico attempting to act, and the scene overall ends up funny, and sets up an enjoyable post-credits scene, episode 3 contains a scene of clearly non-consensual groping, and viewers might be too uncomfortable with that.

-----

Stray Observations:

- Huh.  I was only dimly aware of "bullet screens", the practice of showing viewer comments scrolling across videos, as seen at the beginning of episode 2, and thought it was a very recent and distinctly Chinese phenomenon, but it apparently originated in Japan over a decade ago.

- It really shouldn't feel like such a distinct relief for a piece of otaku-centric media to finally sexualize someone who is unquestionably an adult, and who is choosing to be sexualized as part of a job she enjoys...

[potteresque-ire]

The Last Pairing Tag Game, Answered by Draco Malfoy

Tagged by @violetclarity  (Hi Violet!!)

RULES: You must answer the questions below about the last ship that you read/wrote about, regardless of whether or not you like this ship, then tag anyone you want.

Pairing is Drarry. I’ve decided to deviate a bit and answer the Qs in Draco’s POV. It’s much more fun that way. :)

1. What domestic thing are they most guilty of?

I’m sure you know this, but I, Draco Malfoy, am guilty of many things. What Harry and I do in the domestic setting are not in the list.

2. Who is enabler in the relationship? (eg: “I shouldn’t eat the cake.” “Eat the damn cake. You know you wanna.” “Damn, you’re right.”)

Harry is a Gryffindor. He doesn’t need enabling.

As for me, Harry tends to let me make my own choices these days. I wouldn’t be with him if he doesn’t, even if he has the best intentions in the world. I know myself. I don’t have the spine to resist an enabler in my life. I need someone who lets me, who makes me stand by my own choices.

But I can think of one time when I let myself be enabled. For years after the war, I’d see-sawed between the guilt of cutting ties with Pansy, Greg and Blaise, and the pain of missing their friendship. Harry nudged me to go look for them. They’re my history, he said, they’re a part of me.

That weekend, we had afternoon tea at his Aunt Petunia’s.

3. What is their song?

I spent some time thinking about this one.  Harry is a Muggle oldies person, while I prefer wizarding opera.

But there’s one song I can tell you about. We’re shopping for Rose’s 1st birthday, and we came across this music box in Muggle London. I was fascinated by how it worked, how a melody was created from a coil of tiny picks. We were about to make the purchase when Harry suggested checking the lyrics first, just to make sure it’s appropriate.

He tapped on his mobile, and inserted an earbud in my ear. The name of the song was Que Será, Será, he said. We stood there, the Christmas shopping crowd bustling around us, as we listened to this child who asked her teacher what to do in school. Should she paint? Should she sing? And the teacher answered Que Será, Será. The future was not for anyone to see.

Harry put down the music box then. He had his fingers on the stop button, but I stopped him. I wanted to know what happened next. The rest of the evening we spent wandering under the lights in Trafalgar Square, the song on loop in our ears. I didn’t ask for Harry’s thoughts. He didn’t ask for mine. We just walked in silence, but from how tightly he was holding my hand, I knew his thoughts couldn’t be far from my own.

We let the song dissipate as we passed the magic-muggle threshold. We’ve never listened to it again, but that night, I asked Harry if we would see rainbows, day after day.

He answered, simply, with a yes.

4. In a battle, would they fight back-to-back, or sporadically, watching out for each other?

Battles. You’re asking me about battles.

I don’t want to answer this. I want no more battles to fight in our lives but if there are, we’ll be fighting them side by side.

5. In death fics, which person is the one that usually dies/you choose to kill off?

Stories about death. Oh, this questionnaire is going for the morbid, doesn’t it.

I’d say Harry. Everyone dies, so what really matters is which death is worth a commemorative story, be it a hero’s fable or a cautionary tale. I’ve ruined my story arc by chasing Harry and his Light.

6. What would a reverse verse look like?

All right. The questionnaire is going for the incomprehensible as well as the morbid.

7. If you had to put them into any other fandom of yours, which would it be and how would it work out for them?

See answer for number 6. A more cryptic response would be Que Será, Será.

8. Are they the “touchy-feely” couple or the “witty, sometimes insulting banter” couple?

Whatever “touchy-feely” is, we’re not. Because a word like “touchy-feely” shall have no presence anywhere near my name.

If you’re asking whether we touch and feel each other often, the answer is yes and I shall spare you the details (or: see number 10). As for “witty, sometimes insulting banter”: I don’t do insults. I merely say the truth as is. I can’t help if you find me witty, or the Truth, a tease.

9. Would they want marriage? Kids? Or are they more comfortable without those things?

I hope we want marriage, since we’re married.

As for children, have you seen how Harry fawns over the Weasley spawns? If he makes one more of those goooooo~~~~ voices, I’ll Silencio him, or better yet, record it and Sonorus it during his Ministry press conferences.

It makes me worry though, that he’ll be too lenient and idealistic of a dad, and I, too strict and cynical of a father.

10. What are most of their dates like?

Now I suspect a Rita Skeeter type is behind this. Where and how we have our dates now is a  private matter, but I can share a few details about our first dates. Worry not, they’re every bit as salacious enough to welt your appetite.

I got re-acquainted with Harry at Gringotts, as his financial advisor. You’d think a reputation like mine would make me unemployable, but no, the investment banking department practically fell on their knees when I agreed to join them. A well-connected and old surname is nice on the résumé for this job. A morally grey one? Infinitely better.

But I digress. You know those carts that take the customers to the vaults? One time Harry and I were in one of those, and Harry said, back when he was eleven, the sheer scale of his to-be new world hadn’t hit him until Hagrid brought him to this same maze, in the same small cart. I showed him another new world then. I abandoned the driver’s seat, straddled and kissed him, while the cart maintained its dash at full speed. That was our first kiss.

We had many more dates in the underworld of Gringotts since then. Let’s just say… the sharp turns, the steep slope and rickety tracks, the bumpiness that got more pronounced as the air got hotter and darker and damper… make things far more interesting when you’re riding not only a cart.

11. Do they have a secret language? Inside jokes?

Now we have one, since you’re so kind to ask about it.

12. What do their morning routines look like? Are they harmonious? Do they fight each other for space? Do they help each other get ready?

Define “help each other get ready”. We do practice a version of it before taking each other’s “space”, and not only in the mornings. Fighting is a bit strong for a description—we’re polite and we take our turns. Harmonious? Sure. It only gets us late for work.

13. Assuming that some family members are alive (related or no), how did each family react to the couple?

Find a deck of playing cards. Accio the Queen of Clubs. Accio the King of Diamonds. Accio the joker. There, you’ve got the reactions of my mother, my father, and that demented peacock in the garden respectively.

As for Harry’s family, his Aunt Petunia’s was by far the most memorable. Harry introduced me as his friend and his aunt couldn’t stop fawning over me, imitating my accent and asking me about my banker job, praising the cut of my designer suit and oh, she couldn’t believe I shopped on Savile Row! Did I introduce Harry, her nephew to anyone there? Was I privately schooled? Eton, maybe?

Then, half way through the tea, Harry calmly leaned over and gave me a kiss. With tongue. Right there between the aunt and her bone china teapot. There was a gasp and the crash of the sugar bowl. I wasn’t privy to exactly what had happened. It would be the most unbecoming of me to not return that tongue in kind.

That was the best tea I’ve ever had.

14. What is your favorite AU for them?

AU? You mean gold? Alchemy?  Our favorite potion is polyjuice--no, two polyjuices--one with Harry’s hair and one with mine, right before bed. 

If you can’t figure out why, then you don’t deserve to know about it.

15. Finally, what trope works better for the couple as they are in canon? (If they’ve never met, which one do you think would work best if they know each other?)

I take it that my darling husband has finally and officially made it to Saint Potter to have a canon about him. I’d like to have a copy, if you please, so I can recite it over the Burrow brunches. That’s my way of showing my utter, most sincere and loving support for my spouse, and I’m certain every Weasley war hero in attendance, especially Weasley G., will regard this move with the highest and most heartfelt approval and will, in fact, provide the most thunderous back vocals while I incorporate a hymn or dramatic reading or two…

Probably everyone else has done this already? I tag @carpemermaidtales, @bounding-heart, @kedavranox, @blamebrampton, @callingdrarry and everyone who’s interested in doing this!

[pjarox-journey]

Breath of the Wild - Session #2

The Stable of the Twin Mountains

After resting at the empty outpost (and looting it. This is very important!), i continued my journey to Kakariko. The path went east, so i followed it, riding on my trusted (and still nameless) horse. Like i wrote last time, i thought there was a shrine nearby, and, well... i was right. I was also right with it being on the other side of the river. Again. So, once the two Lizalfos, who took a nice bath in the river, where gone, i crossed the river once more, to reach the next Shrine.

It was the Ri-Dahi-Shrine, my 6th shrine on this adventure. There were a few balls which i needed to place in holes. The balls were lieing on plattforms, which i could tilt by stepping on a switch. The hard part was to leave the switch at the right point, so the ball could jump over the abyss. Wasn’t to hard, though, and i think i messed up like... one or two times, at most. The important part of the shrine was chest in it: i got the Climber's Bandanna! You might think ‘Yay, a bit of armor!’, but no, there is more to it! This is a special item, which you only get once, only in this shrine. It also give a buff for better climbing speed, which i glady take, considering how much you have to climb in this game. Also, this is the only way in the game to get that buff - there is no food or any other piece of armor with this buff avaible (except the other parts of the set, yes). So now i got 7 Armor and i can climb a bit faster! Neat!

After leaving the shrine, i looked around a bit (Loot? Maybe? I always look for loot!), and after seeing a camp of 6 Bulblins, i... decided, i should leave them alone. For now. I tried to whistle for my horse (after crossing the river once more...), but it only attracted those nasty Lizalfos. Never whistle near enemies which you don’t want to fight! On the way to the Stable of the Twin Mountains i met a traveling merchant, and i also looted another Octoplatform. I got a fancy lance from it, but considering i rarely use lances... well, maybe i’ll get an opportunity to use one soon. You never know, right?

I think it was the start of day 3, when i reached the stable. First things first, i registered my horse on the name ‘Susel’, and found out her stats were, eh... rather mediocre. 2 Stars on anything, from up to 5. It was okay, but there sure are better horses around. But Susel brought me here, so i will keep her.

It was really nice to finally reach a place with so many people. I talked with many of them - most of them were adventurers like Link, but there were some merchants too. Especially Terri, the well known Merchant in the Zelda-games. I bought some arrows from him, because you can never have enough arrows!

Two adventurers talked about the treasure of Ramda, a... thief? Or something like that? I don’t know, but it seemed like he had hidden his treasure nearby. They wanted to have 100 Rupees for more information, and... well, i’m stingy, so i didn’t pay. For now.

Around the stable, i was able to do various things. First, i knew there was a Korok living on top of the stable, so i tried to climb there. It... might have taken a bit longer than expected, and certainly not because i was to stupid to get on top of that stupid stable, no no. Instead, i will blame the rain which came up after a while, so i was forced to visit the nearby shrine first.

The Hayu-Dama-Shrine was about water and placing ice pillars so ball could roll into the destined hole. Nothing hard, so i beat that shrine in a few minutes. I also found 50 Rupees in there, so that was nice to have, too. And after finishing the shrine, the rain was gone, so Korok #11 was mine now, too.

One of the horse experts at the stable gave me a quest, too. He told me “You’ll never catch a horse in under 2 minutes”. It took me 1:12. I would have been faster without those nasty slimes which thought it was a good idea to spawn in between those horses. Hmpf. :< Sadly, that horse was good as Susel, so i didn’t register it. But i got 50 Rupees for that quest!

I strolled through the plain after that a bit - on the one hand, so i could gather some ressources, on the other hand to catch another horse. At the end, i had found 3 fairys in the gras, another Korok (#12) under a stone on a tree (whatever, mate), and a black horse with 1 strength, 3 speed and 4 stamina. I not sure anymore, what they do, but stamina is how often the horse can sprint, speed affects the overall speed of the horse, and strength affects how long the horse sprints. I called it Fiona!

I could have left the stable, now, but there was still Ramda’s treasure around, so i finally paid those two guys and got the info i needed. I had to follow a smaller river until its source. On the way i finished of another Octoplatform, jumped into the water for the loot without having stamina (don’t do that, kids!), and drowned miserably. Good job, me! I got a Soldiers Claymore with Durability++, so... that was nice, though.

At the end of the path, there was a small forest. With bears. Also, a small hill with a stone without a Korok! But a stone on a river bank had one, so... Korok #13! But you know what’s nice? Having to wait in the middle of the night because it rains, just because you have to climb that wall to reach the cave with Ramda’s treasure... *sighs* It was worth it, though! Many gems, lots of mushrooms, a fire sword...

I told you about the bears in the forest, right? I had remembered them from my first playthrough, but i might have forgotten a tiny little detail of this forest: The Stalnox, an undead Hinox-version completely made of bones. I... might have fought it a bit, before realising it had waaay too much HP, so i might have taken a quick leave the next second. Maybe. Will come back later, though.

Once i had returned to the stable, day 4 dawned, and it was time for breakfast! I cooked some meals, a bit medicine, and wanted to ride to Kakariko, but Fiona was... not there. I had left her on the way to the forest, i guess, but thankfully she reacts to whistling.

You remember Terry, right? The merchant? Eh... it was a rough start into the day for him, considering Fiona ran head first into him when she heard me whistling. I’m sorry for the poor guy. I might have to train Fiona a bit more, so he won’t do that again. Was fun to look at, though :’D

Now, i’m ready to continue the trip to Kakariko. But this is the story of the next session. I think i’ll meet Impa the next time. And a great fairy. Maybe buy some armor... i’m curious if i’ll leave Kakariko the next session, cause there is much to do xD Anyway, thank you for reading, and i hope you’ll look forward to my next report~

[aquajolt]

Fire Emblem Echoes

Just gonna rant about Echoes now. Rant under the bit. Have you played Echoes? Did you like? How would you compare it to others FE games you’ve played? Which in the series is your fav?

I loved Echoes’ ‘return to form’ as they say compared to Fates and Awakening. I start with FE7 and tho you have the world map to grind experience, I played it like I would an normal RPG (Pokemon/Tales/FF etc). You fight everything in your way!

So by the end of the game, I was on par or under leveled. I still muscled through and beat the game, so here are some things I think back on, smile and remember how cool the setting./characters/mechanics were. =) 

- Genny. Genny was 1) adorable. 2) Healers were dope. 3) Spells were learned as you leveled up which was cool. and 4) Expel. Expel was a spell you cast that unleashed a wave of holy energy. It had a 65-70% chance to instant destory a lesser ‘spawned’ minion of darkness. It got negated near the end of the game where greater minions spawned. But throughout 95% of the game, Genny was mvp everywhere! She healed for days. She absorbed enemies with her 24+ attack stat. She Physic healed at range. And OMG! 5) She had invoke. Another handy spell that summons mooks to act as decoys and meatshields. They got off chip damage and formed walls to protect Genny and her Allies. Genny was amazing! Everytime I had her use Expel, I felt like she was in a Tales game yelling it out when she cast it. EXPEL! WOOOOSH! So good

Chip Damage. If you’re defensive stats are greater than your opponents attack, in other games you took zero damage. In echoes. the defending unit takes 1 damage. This was AMAZING! You tanks slowly were slipping defending the front lines. Your archers and ranged units were softening up bosses and enemy tanks. It just felt GOOD. It felt realistic. 

Speaking of wearing units down. There was exhaustion. If you used the same unit over and over and over again. They got tired. A little like the Biorhythm mechanic from Radiant Dawn. If you let them eat food to restore stamina (in Echoes) they got their energy back and could keep fighting. It never was a real big deal but it was cool thing to keep track of. 

Spells - in echoes, spellcasting had an HP cost. No longer can you spell spam. Spells also had weight (which I’ll get to in a minute) which slowed down the casters speed. Higher damage, higher hp cost, no longer can double probably. Made healers VERY useful keeping your mages’ hp topped off. ALSO! Magic had a flat accuracy rate. It ignored dodge/avoid %. Which I thought was dope! Also spells had more range! 1-2, 1-3!  O! And as a default, mages when counterattacked use the lowest hp costing spell to counterattack, e.g. fire. While in some cases, if they had used a stronger spell, having it default to fire ensured that if your mage was baiting 2-5 enemies they could tank, the hp cost of fire wasn’t going to have them die to chip damage or something. Nice of IS to do that. 

Weight came back. They did this a little bit in Fates. Why would you NOT use a stronger weapon. Well, it would add more attack but minus your speed. Or your crit rate. Or your hit rate was lower. Weight in echoes simply subtracted from your speed stat when figuring out if you or the enemy can double attack.  

Weapons and items sometimes gave you special abilities that you learned over time. Shields give you passive abilities or the swap action. Weapons gave you unique bonuses to hit and sometimes increased your defense or crit avoid that attack. They were all pretty interesting. My Lance Knight had Tempest. He’d attack with +20 to hit and +6 to damage. I found it very useful when I needed to just Go big to finish off a boss or something. 

Voice acting. OOOO. Did they gamble big with this. Almost every line is voiced and the cast is pretty great overall. The visuals and delivery was excellent. I loved Mae’s “I’m still hyper. LET’S GO!” when you select her in battle was hilarious throughout the game. 

I love how when a battle starts the units race into battle, draw their weapons and then make their attacks (akin to what RD did). I love how when enemies deal chip damage, the unit actually BLOCKS their attack and then counterattacks. 

Archers with 1-5 range. Close counter archers. LONG RANGE ARCHERS! What is this Trueshot Rank 3 Archers from RD?! Rolf Double Bow 2-4 range?! X_x

Can’t forget the music. The score was divine. It was a classic FE, fantasy score to complement the turn based strategy nature of the game. I loved Alm and Celica’s Act 4 map themes. The final boss theme was phenomenal. It was just SO GOOD! =D 

Art and character designs were fantastic. I’m a sucker for the Tellius series and I wasn’t a huge fan of Awakening and Fates style. So when Echoes showcased its style, I felt that it was a return to FE9/10. It felt... nice. 

Going into the final level without some promotions (opps Celica route chars) or Global heal was iffy. =p  But. I had 6 healers, 3 of which were Saints. Sooooo it worked! =D I also didn’t kill the ‘midboss’. I never figured that out. =p WHEEE!

And that’s all I got. Sure I’m missing some stuff. If you read this, thanks for reading. If you played Echoes, what did you like about the game? Agree with something on my list? Let me know! =D

[wreckedregent7]

Expedition Journal - Emith Samar

Before clicking the readmore, please note: The following is a story I wrote to give some faux-lore to a location and item in the game League of Legends - this is not actual canon lore, and should be taken with a grain of salt. That said, I hope any who read this enjoy!

Entry 1 - My name is Emith Samar, of southern Shurima. Today, I was approached by a group of northerners - Noxians - who came to Shurima on an expedition. They sought knowledge of the past, with hopes to learn for the future. For reasons I do not know, they chose to first explore the ruins of the ancient city of Icathia, whose people were long conquered by the Ascendants of times past.

Though I warned them of terrible dangers, they offered me coins and protection to help them unearth the mysteries of Icathia, the city in the mountain. To ensure that this knowledge does not somehow get lost, they gave me this journal, that I may write what we find.

Before I rest, I wish to take note of one individual among the expedition group: a curious old man, cloaked in fine garb, seemingly untouched by the sands of my home. He always stands behind the group, with two adventurers at his side. Could they be close friends? Bodyguards? He makes me uneasy, but I trust that he might be the most inquisitive of them, the one who started the expedition.

But enough talk, my bedroll waits.

Entry 2 - In two days' time, we've reached the gates of Icathia, half-submerged in sand. They asked if there were any other ways in, and I told them of a broken section of wall that led inside, though it led into the remains of a barracks. They beamed at the mention, and I guided them to it.

When we entered, two of the Noxians examined the barracks, taking notes of its layout. After they finished, we entered into the city proper. The place crawled with festering, chitinous beasts, not unlike the Xer'Sai to the northwest. These creatures spawned almost ceaselessly from a crackling crystal formation, seating what looked to be a pitch-black sphere, which shifted in sight to look almost...Empty. Like a pocket in the air.

Every time the black sphere warped into an abstract hole, another creature crawled out from within. There was nothing there for it to come from, and yet it appeared from the orb as though there was plenty of space for the rest that followed it.

As the men cut down the vicious swarm, their elder moved to the orb, holding his hand out to it. A flash of light came from his hands, and most any looking in his direction reeled - myself included! We were nearly blinded, but when our sight returned, the black orb sat, nestled in the crystal formation. He spoke to the group in their own language, Va-Nox. Though, unlike the others, his words sent a shiver down my spine, like there was some inherent malice that he borne upon the winds. I asked what he said, and one who spoke Shuriman told me that we were to camp outside the walls, and wait until morning to delve again.

I trust the elder means well, but he remains ominous. Did he know something about the creatures? The men who spoke only Va-Nox called them "zur-rot". They must have fought whole nests of the Icathian swarms in the north to have a name for them. Once again, I must quiet my thoughts and rest.

Entry 3 - I woke up early today, as the shadow of Icathia makes me anxious even in sleep. Most all of the expedition remained asleep, though how they managed to with such an omen looming over their heads is beyond me. Curiously, the elder and his two compatriots were absent - perhaps wanderlusting in the city, searching for something to learn?

I crawled up out of my bedroll, and entered the city, careful not to wake the rest of the group. As I explored, I noticed footprints in the sand and dust leading towards an opening. The entry looked vaguely like a crypt, but much more ornate. Twisting pillars holding an arch with metal that shines, ignorant to the shade.

Following the footprints, I entered the tomb, keeping quiet. Whether my sneaking was for the ire of the elder or the possibility of more "zur-rot" beetles, I could not decide. With no torch, I held my hand to the wall, sliding it down carefully to keep my bearings. As I did, my fingertips bumped and slid over carved letters in an ancient language, all of which were oddly familiar. Even still, when I slid my hand back up the writing, all it spelled was gibberish and nonsense. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was greeted with a soft, pulsing light, filling the room with a violet glow. At the far end of the room was another bed of crystals, with a genuine portal into some place that was impossible to directly look at. Though I saw in front of it were pillars of metal, twisting in ways inimitable by even the most perverse craftsmen, rows of threadbare carpets laid out like a place of worship, and on the floor...Them.

The elder's compatriots lie, crooked daggers plunged into their shoulders, blood pooling in the gaps between stone, bodies twisted in inhuman ways. I turned to run up the stairs, but as my foot struck the first step, my blood ran cold and my body froze in place. With great effort, I turned around, trying desperately to stare at the portal, with my gaze greeted by another. Vaguely, through the shadows, I saw... What almost looked like an eye, but I knew it couldn't be. It felt like a thousand-thousand eyes were piercing me with their gaze, it couldn't have been just one.

I regained my nerve, and broke into a sprint back up the stairs to the entrance of the crypt, needing no walls for guidance, only fear. When I reached the top, my momentum nearly threw me into the Noxian elder, and I stumbled to the ground to stop myself from running into him. He looked down at me, and just barely from the fading daylight, I could see a smile creep onto his face - or a grimace, I could not tell.

We returned to the camp, and the rest of the expedition greeted me as though I had done an incredible task in my absence. They said the elder told them of the relic I found, of the bravery of his friends to sacrifice themselves to aid our escape, and they asked me if I would do the honors of studying the relic and penning their names to the work to honor their sacrifice.

I know the elder lied to them, but I cannot tell them - To do so would surely end in all our deaths.

Entry 6 - This relic worries me. I have seen it before, but only ever on paper, scrawlings of madmen who drew the semblance in the sand after climbing their way out of Icathia. Worse still, the air feels heavier when I hold it, and when I look in its eyes, I feel like it stares back.

Entry 9 - The relic is a ceremonial mask, made of stone that feels like pitted bronze, but looks like polished purple stone. The depiction is vaguely human, and somewhat feminine, with sharp eyes, no nose, and no mouth. It has two horns that simply peak with the shape of the mask, though they look almost like someone stacked shards of the stone on top of each other sideways, then somehow...Merged it, though I cannot fathom how.

I have been talking with any other Shuriman we pass to learn what they know of it, and so far I've only heard murmurs of familiarity.

Entry 10 - Finally, someone with knowledge of it! They said it was a magical tool to deprive ancient sorcerors of their magic for meditation, though it was lost after the Butcher conquered Icathia. Even though it has been ages since Shurima has felt such powerful magic, and even longer since Icathia stood, I feel as though this ancient mask has not actually faded in strength.

Entry 12 - I cannot stay with the expedition any longer - I heard them talking, about the mask, about me. Their leader calls it "the abyssal mask", that someone wants it, and the group asked if I'm needed any longer. I will run when they sleep, I will run as far as I can and as far as I need. I still have the mask. They will not have it.

Entry 14 - If you found this journal, you must be looking for the mask. You will not find it. The mask is a danger, and I have hidden it away. Noxus cannot have it, Shurima cannot have it, no one can have the abyssal mask.

[craftmanatee]

Samurai Jack S5 Ep6&7

Reviewing episode 6, and the amazing episode 7!

Also now with a Final summation for those who do not want to read my cluster wall of text.

Episode 6

Is a lackluster episode in my opinion. It was fun, but it added very little to the plot. Maybe I am wrong, but episode 6 sure as hell felt like a call back episode that did not add to itself.

I was right about seeing the next episode on Ashis point of view, and that is what happened. Ashi travels through to find many of the previous inhabitants that Jack has saved back in the cartoon network days, and that is how she sees more confirmation to what has Jack done to the world as for the better. There is a minor sub-plot with Sacramouch as a head trying to get to Aku and tell him that Jack lost his sword, and its pretty funny. I think the sub-plot is the major highlight for Episode 6 as Sacramouch says the word “penis” and there are a few funny cameos, like the George Jetson dog, haha!

Ok so the one cool thing we got from this episode is Ashi UNDRESSING! OOOOOOOOOooooooooo! Just kidding, what the truly cool thing is how she does it and what her suit previously was. They even show you how they got those black suits, and it is actually pretty disturbing. I am doing research on a genre not yet existing called Punk-Fantasy, and stuff like the Ashi suit fits it like a glove. There are so many questions and the more I think about the suit, the more disturbing it is.

Like seriously, imagine the suit. How does she poop? Does the suit grow with her? Was she actually always semi-naked, almost like body paint? These are answers better left unexplained but simply the science and the thought behind it gives a much more disturbing implication if it were to be more defined properly. Shit like that makes fantasy “FANTASY” again! Samurai Jack even back in the cartoon network days has had many episodes that have these visually explainable tactics that are defined just enough but not too much to be questioned. And here I see that again and I love it!

Also, ashi sports a very nice new look and saves Jack from committing seppoku (Suicide). I am sorry but this episode was very boring and lackluster, it had its moments. One that I particularly loved but the episode felt like it stretched itself out too much just to give space for the next one.

Episode 7

And the next episode is AMAZING! Holy cow! This episode was both funny, action packed, incredibly refreshing and it finally picks up the pace!!!

 You finally get to see how Jack lost his sword, with Aku destroying the final portal. Before that, Jack sees the portal and his immidiate instinct is “JUMP IN JUMP IN JUMP IN” and he guns it with no hesitation! This is the exact feeling and thought I would have had and they illustrated it perfectly. Jack gets pulled out by Aku, and there we see classic Aku again!

This entire flashback was very much like the standard samurai jack cartoon where you have everything be the same. Except for blood. Jack kills some goats. He gets all sad and from that he looses his sword.

When Ashi and Jack come to the location again, they go down the hole and search for the sword. They do not find it, but jack realises that the sword LEFT HIM! Mmmmm loving this episode already!

Jack decides to go into a spiritual journey to find an answer, while ashi... waits. Until, uh oh! An army of orcs come up the mountain. Ashi takes the responsibility to protect Jack, so she goes down to challenge the huge army. She proceeds to destrooyy them! like a Dynasty Warriors game! She goes all berserk on their asses-ABRUBTLY CUT TO

Jack meditating... This is what makes the action sequence funny in a way. Its so well done and I love it for that. Jack goes through this spiritual journey and the visuals for this is AMAZING! Here the quality really shows you what animation can do and its... beautiful. Jack takes a small journey and rafts to a small house on a lake, and there he has to make tea for some mini-Buddhist guy. He proceeds to do things as peacefully and nicely then BAM!

We are back with Ashi kicking ass! The entire army is destroyed, a bit stupid that one person did that with her bare hands, but it was a cool sequence none-the less. She spots someone already up the mountain near jack, and deflects a barrage of arrows that could have killed Jack. And there, her mother reveals to Ashi. I gushed, it was a pretty “Oh shit” moment. They go all kung fu on each other using basically the same tactics against each other, the only difference is the mother sometimes takes the opportunity to attack Jack whos sitting and meditating, the fight sequence is alright. The mothers death was a bit meh, and Ashi collapses in exhaustion from all the fighting.

Back to Jacks mind, the tea he made for the mini-monk was... bad. The mini-monk says it lacks balance, which spawns Jacks inner rage. That motherfucking alter-ego from the previous episodes. Jack identifies the inner-alter-ego finally as the fault for the flaws he made when he lost the sword. He got pretty mad at Aku for destroying the “Last portal”. So he slaps his alter-angry-ego to oblivion with his eyes and there the Gods show themselves to Jack and give him back his sword. Also a shave and his signature outfit. The episode ends with Jack waking Ashi up, and their next plan of action... AKU!

Jack is Back!

[WHUATCHAAaaa…..]

Final Summation

Episode 6 was a wasted episode for me. It gave me somethings but I did not feel like Re-watching it, It felt closer to a straight up filler. Episode 7 however makes me wanna re-watch it, just like how I did with Episode 2 and Episode 5, also episode 7 felt like a proper samurai jack episode. The classic samurai jack helps that notion. I honestly must study exactly why these episodes where so great. Which is why I partly make these “Reviews”, mostly for my own sake. I would go into more detail but that would bore me as well as you and Ide rather write details in an actual documentation.