#when do monsters have dreams
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Inktober day 15: dream, featuring Oryx, Xivu Arath, Savathun, and the Osmium King
“So I start eating my dad. I bite huge pieces out of him and I claw him up. I eat his legs and I eat his arms and I eat his goggles and his eyes and he says, good, good, this is majestic and true.
But my sisters are still tearing up the road so I don’t know how to get back.”
#destiny#destiny art#destiny 2#inktober#hive#destinytober#inktober 2024#books of sorrow#oryx the taken king#xivu arath#savathun#aurash#sathona#xi ro#the osmium king#when do monsters have dreams
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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dark cream week: day 7 - white smoke
shattered by galacii-gallery
cross by jakei95
dark cream week by @zu-is-here
a bit brighter below cut
i made a little extra for this :]
#my artsies#i think in my notes i had this one named as „white smoke au“ but Im not sure about that XD#for the last day i gift you. hot boys and thighs#this was the 3rd thing I drew because I had a sudden mental image bestowed to me by the gods (it was a shower thought)#i defs wanna do and draw more about this au but im not sure yet when XD#kinda mafia au-leaning as well…#the main idea rn is: shattered and nightmare have opposite mafia/business and despite being related and all are in a sort of rivalry and-#-Cross (unwillingly; as shown in last image) works for Shattered#yeah they also have powers depending on how strong they are and monsters and humans alike need to gain power so they can get magical powers#yeah :3c errrr I‘m gonna dub this#white smoke mafia au#for dream‘s side <333#dark cream#dark cream week#dark cream week 2024#shattered dream#shattered!dream#cross sans#cross!sans#cross x shattered#shattered dream x cross
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Actually I really wanna write a role reversal gerrymichael au and let me be so, so transparent when I say it is literally just bc I wanna fantasize about the tall, gangly blond man beating monsters to death
Everyone else has the same roles. Mary Keay is still Mary Keay in all her abusive and obsessive glory; Gertrude is still the Archivist.
Vaguely spiral aligned Michael who Does Not Like It. Pretends his connection is a hell of a lot looser than it is.
The only benefit (that Michael thinks of the Spiral) is how he can move around the Institute with relatively little interference and watch, after all, it is hard to behold something that is both nothing and everything and never was all at the same time.
Gerry ran away from home really young and actually succeeded. Spent a few years fucking around and learning what kind of benches are best to sleep on before applying to the Magnus Institute because that's what his dad did. He lied to hell and back on the application, but was hired quickly because of how thoroughly touched by the entities he was (thanks Mary) and Gertrude was running low on assistants. Gerry also felt completely justified in faking stuff and that he was perfectly qualified bc he grew up in a bookshop and how much different could it be (very different, as it turns out).
They first meet each other when Michael is prowling through artefact storage like it was a shopping mall, and pocketing everything he saw that didn't immediately mesmerize him. He was nervous and jumpy as all hell, even though this was not the first time he's done something similar and he's fairly certain Gertrude doesn't care, so when Gerry first spotted him from behind, he was immediately suspicious even before he saw Michael try to shove a lamp into his jacket pocket. This led to an altercation that eventually led to the lamp being accidentally turned on, Michael smashing it to pieces with a hammer Gerry had not realized Michael had, and Gerry suddenly being a lot more consciously aware of the supernatural than he was.
Gerry's mother was still obsessive over Lighteners, and she didn't make an effort to hide what she did, but she didn't actively try to educate Gerry on anything to do with the Fears. So he is fairly knowledgeable on the supernatural, but he doesn't know anything concrete about the Fears themselves and their categorization. The role of a stand by sacrifice instead of an errand boy and heir.
Michael still trusts Gertrude, but this time he knows he shouldn't and hates himself for it. Gerry wants to trust Gertrude, and she does hide him from anything Fears related and behaves around him like she did Michael in cannon, but he just feels something off about her and doesn't like it. She's just a bit too much like his mother for him to let his guard down.
Michael gets referred to by "it/its" pronouns once by Gerry as a teasing joke before Gerry fully knows what he is and is absolutely terrified by how happy the pronouns make his feel. (He thinks, maybe, that the Michael of his childhood liked something similar, too, but everything too far back is all twisted and he doesn't know what has been touched by the Spiral and what hasn't, so he doesn't trust any of it). He/it Michael ftw
At one point Michael just started putting black lipstick on himself because some of Gerry's always stuck to him when they kissed anyways n this gave them plausible deniability. Michael will never admit to the little spiral thrill it gives him when people do a double take upon seeing his face, the black lipstick contrasting literally everything else about his style.
Gabriel attempted to track Michael down exactly once, a few years before he joined the institute. He had heard about Michael's unsavory... Hobby... (<- reckless destruction of artefacts and throwing himself at all monsters and avatars he sees with a murderous rage regardless of their affiliation) but spiral avatars capable of holding a conversation are so few and far between and the Great Twisting was almost prepared, so he thought a meeting would be worth it. He showed up at a cafe Michael frequented one day expecting lovely, but tense, conversation, only to promptly lit on fire (mostly) in the back alley behind the cafe after he introduced himself. Gabriel survived, but some of his clay body still hardens unexpectedly or shows signs of firing from time to time.
Occasionally Michael's eyes will change colors and shapes, so he likes to put contacts in (he used to just use tinted glasses, but after one time of Gerry getting lost in his eyes in the far too literal, not at all romantic, sense, he decided to invest in smth a bit harder to take off and forget about). Unfortunately, this sometimes means other, very much not his original eyes will pop up around his body and in his hair as protest when he puts them in. It's not very fun to have to chase off eyes at 6am, but he does it regardless and complains the whole time about how he shouldn't have to deal with eyes when he very clearly isn't of The Eye.
Gerry: Oh hey you were running pretty late. I was starting to get worried.
Michael, not about to admit he spent an extra thirty minutes to get ready yelling and brandishing a lighter at a door that was following him around like a lost puppy: Ummmmmm I forgot my wallet. :((
#this has been in my drafts for ages so now I'm releasing it into the world so it's easier to find and therefore I remember to write it#gerrymichael#gerard keay#michael shelley#<- his personality is v much a mix of Distortion Michael and Michael Shelley with a leaning towards Shelley#the most 'I have no fucks left to give' man with extreme social anxiety#the ONLY reason Michael n Gerry did not meet in a cafe was bc Michael accidentally entered all the ones by the institute when he#had blood on him and was too embarrassed to go back#Gerry and Michael's first date is burning a spiral Lightner <333 Only Gerry thinks of it as a date and remebers it fondly.#Michael is still sad he couldn't do something normal with Gerry first#Oh!!! and idk if I made it clear enough but Michael does NOT hunt Lightners!!! He mainly goes after artefacts and monsters/avatars#Also this entire au was inspired by me dreaming of Michael (Shelley) beating the shit out of Jude Perry and one hit causing boiling wax#to spray up and hit him in rhe face. and just. him looking dizzy and far out and idly sticking his finger into the wax on his face and#swirling it around so it scars as a spiral. bc he thinks that is much Much prettier. Before he snaps out of it and gets very horrified with#himself very fast.#the magnus archives#NOT tagging this w the other ship name bc this is not distortion/door Michael#The Distortion is free of having been contained into a person (for now. Gertrude may try to throw Gerry into it during the Great Twisting)#n loves tormenting Michael Shelley (affectionate) n having tea with Gabrial n living its best lack of life while preparing for their ritual#lemme know if anyone else needs 2 b tagged.
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Blankie time we share body warmth and the bad dreams bounce back and crash into a wall and die <3
Blankie time💙🖤
#my stuff#asks#i extremely rarely sleep without my necklace and this is why. every time i have horrific dreams that leave me soaked in adrenaline#i was trapped in a stairwell with one entrance barricades and the other was a door i had to keep closed with my body#and there was a horde of zombies behind it trying to get in#i fell asleep holding it shut and dreamed about how i got there. the people i saw go from human to ravenous monster#whenever i have these dreams i’m not scared of pain or body horror#i’m scared of the hunger i see in their eyes. I’m scared that the only way to stop them is to kill them in an extremely difficult way#sometimes they can’t die at all#it so very clearly reflects my fear and distrust of The Population At Large as an autistic and trans person#anyone could turn on you. you have to protect those you love or they will turn on you too.#i always dream like this when i’m stressed and it doesn’t help the situation#i do not fear being devoured and i do not fear coming back. i fear i will be made into something that can only do evil#often in these dreams i get eaten and reanimate with my mind intact and then have to Convince the others that i’m infected to avoid#to avoid being completely devoured#so yeah. autistic masking isn’t taking any toll i’m sure#burying myself in the blankie for ever and ever
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the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless
#they deserve more love and discussion#saying this while also not knowing what to say other than they’re so fucking good#alan wake 2#i think it’s partially because poets of the fall’s tracks are iconic so of course they’re in the spotlight (as deserved)#but also the CHAPTER SONGS. them being made for a given chatacter(s) with the help of Sam lakes poetry#the changes with ‘this road’ by Poe with every Alan chapter. becoming more distorted and revealing lyrics and the spiral#the scratch song being 1) hilarious and 2) similar to Zane’s poetry in the aw1 arg#the emotion in superhero when saga feels lost at the story making it so Logan was gone#the lines of her feeling like a ghost in this story forming around her.. how she feels guilty and absent for both what the story’s doing#and being away from Logan because of her job. ashdhhhhjhh my heart#AND. follow you into the dark HAS to be alice. which kills me because at for at I thought of Alan#but no. Alice jumped in the dark place after him. it’s so !!!!!!!!!!!#the rabbit hole line. Alice spiraling deeper and deeper into a dream—into wonderland#the Lost at Sea one is also good. intrigues me. the Bowie and Lynch references are blatantly aw2 Zane#but it’s so similar to diver Zane and the ‘originals’ death. being lost in the dark place with illusions of escape#and losing any sense of identity. whether he’s real at all or the monster of this sea or just a lost soul.#the soft and calm vocals / instrumental really makes the whole thing#NEED to stop typing more tags because this is a Lot. however.#‘no one left to love’ is also a phenomenal song and one of my favorites from the album. GORGEOUS vocals and how it all flows together.#such a powerful and beautiful way to end a chapter#anyway that’s all I had to say :)#god. I’ve started to watch a few playthroughs of the game and 90% of people have skipped the chapter songs and every time im#that’s fair but my brain and soul might implode if I don’t see anyone else talking about how good these songs are
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just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
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huh. crazy how the secrets sam keeps arent about trauma right?
#ok i need to stop hurting myself#anyways#sam keeping the secret about the demon blood/dreams in s1-3 is COMPLETELY fair#and totally related to trauma when your family LITERALLY HUNTS MONSTERS#and on top of that#when you have felt unclean and evil since childhood#idk man#i think thats fair#and then s4#s4 my absolute beloved#do i care that dean keeps secrets from sam in this season? not really#the secrets i get mad at dean for keeping are the ones that are about sam's personhood#like sam has the right to know about being soulless bc fuck dude that was literally him#sam has the right to know that their dad said to kill him bc fuck dude that's literally about! him!#but dean not telling sam about hell? yeah thats fine whatever#the demonblood tho.. oof thats just good storytelling#i love that shit#its just so intertwined with sam's self-image#along with the fact that he is an addict#of course he's not telling dean#dean actually literally in canon almost kills sam over it#and its my favorite television ever#anyways there is a double standard here bc you think sams secrets have nothing to do with his trauma when. uh. yeah they fucking do#lea speaks#fandom wank
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chat i am NOT appreciating the stares i got from walking across campus to cvs in my hoodie and sweatpants as if we didn’t just sit through ANOTHER hurricane like chill man i didn’t sleep well let me get my monster to finish my logic homework in peace 😭
#spent all night having not quite nightmares not quite stress dreams#periodically woken up by storm noises (sleeping with your back to a window during a hurricane when you get shellshock from loud storm noises#- is NOT a fun experience i would not recommend)#and THEN getting woken up at 5 am by an emergency alert warning about flash floods until like 11:45 when i have a 10 am class that morning 🙃#luckily my professor cancelled class for that (and my other class was cancelled for it to)#but tbh i was NOT gonna walk 7 minutes to the second farthest building on campus through that either way#i was just gonna send him a pdf of my homework and say ‘i’m not walking through a flash flood for this class sorry 😭’#also my school didn’t do shit for this?? they’ve been sending us emails all week about dangerous weather#but made SURE to add in all caps in every one that classes and stuff will go on as normal#cofc doesn’t stop until we’re dead i guess what the fuck 😭#scratch that i mean everything’s as normal except half of our dining halls are closed. so i have to walk 7 minutes out for food anyway 🙃#BECAUSE MY SNACK STASH IS DEPLETED BECAUSE ITS BEEN JANKY ALL WEEK 🙃🙃🙃#what was this post about again??#WAIT AND THEN THE NORMAL ‘AROUND CAMPUS’ ROUTE I TAKE TO MY HOUSE WAS CLOSED#SO I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MAIN PART OF CAMPUS#IN MY HOODIE & SWEATS & CARRYING MY MONSTER & POP TARTS#WHILE THERE WERE LIKE THREE TOUR GROUPS STANDING THERE I WANNA DIEEEEEE#wait i can’t say that anymore. uhhh hold on let me find the list. ummm. ‘i’m gonna start a scam company’ there we go.#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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Sudsssss
Suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds suds
Fox Dream & Wolf Punz
Fox & the Hound Drunz
Sudsss
"We're still friends, right Punz?"
Dream's voice was low, barely above a whisper. They could pretend it was the crackling of the fire, the howling of the wind, if they so chose. Dream would let them; he allowed too much.
Instead, they reached over and squeezed his hand. The SMP had changed over the years, changed its landscape and changed its alliances and changed them.
"Yeah Dream, we're still friends."
They refused to let it change this.
#my writing#suds asks#drunz#staggedduo#i want to do more with this concept but i am very sleepy so we will come back to this#i am Rotating it in my mind#they do have fox and wolf features in this but i remembered this very specific piece of movie dialogue#and i really love imagining these two different people who hold tight to each other and manage to stay friends#even when the rules of the world say they shouldn’t#because to the SMP Dream is an evil monster incapable of friendship#and Punz is a hired merc who is incapable of loyalty#the shifty fox and his lone wolf
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It's always so funny to me when I see people say things like 'uty will never be undertale!' and list all the things they think it did wrong/inaccurately to the og game. Don't get me wrong I think it's completely valid to not enjoy it for those reasons, but at the same time it's a non-toby fox game that I never felt tried too hard to PRETEND to be a toby fox game, y'know?
There's quite a few things I think it misses the mark on when it comes to canon compliance with undertale, but I don't really mind that tbh (especially when it gave us such a fun fanon take on flowey, which is pretty damn accurate to undertale even if it doesn't make sense with the timeline and even if itd makes him a little too developed by the time frisk falls to make sense). To me, uty is a game that takes place in a world SIMILAR to undertale, by different people, that isn't quite trying to do the same thing. It doesn't have the same soul as undertale sure, but it doesn't need to. Different games serve different purposes and especially w the context of yellow being a completely free project done in fans' time as a labour of love to a game that they enjoyed, I think they did a pretty damn good job.
(again this isn't me throwing shade at people who don't like it, more an excuse for me to get some of my own thoughts out about the game lol)
#xan's thoughts#idk. yellow is a fun project that i like a lot. the bosses are fun the characters are enjoyable and they wrote a damn good flowey#not to mention the music is FANTASTIC#maybe not all the characters have tons of depth or much design variance#but there's TONS of games out there where that's the case and they're so loved#and i think that's mostly only the case bc by nature it's being directly compared with undertale#which is impossible to not do!!!! it's understandable!#but i think that also means it's easier for people to miss the things that belong to yellow and yellow alone#basically my thoughts on this are that i hope we start getting more fangames that are basically undertalelikes#give me similar art styles and ut combat but w new characters in new settings that have nothing to do w utdr#i don't mean like fell or swap or core or dream nightmare piss or whatever but like. original stuff#what's happening on the other side of the world from mt ebott? what other quirky monster and human shenanigans can people think up#it'd be so fun and cool to see. like when people invent new regions for pokemon fangames
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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what the heck, TIL it's wildly affordable to rent out an entire movie theater. seeing prices between $100-500 depending on the size, location, and whether you want to watch a current movie. you can apparently hook up video game systems, too, and have a giant mario party night with your friends or something.
idk why I thought it'd be like $1000 minimum or something... like if you're going with enough people, it could even be cheaper to see a private screening than to all get tickets...
I saw one person say that every year they have a Christmas party with their friends and family and they rent out a theater to watch a Christmas movie. they all bring Christmas snacks and the theater is like $100 total. that's wild to me.
#I tend to see movies on off-times when I can because I hate how often people talk and use cell phones these days#I can't concentrate on anything or hear what the characters are saying when people do that#the idea of being able to rent out an entire theater when you want to see a movie is like...#that's what I would do if I were a billionaire lmao fuck buying twitter or whatever#just sit there in the middle of an empty theater like nicole kidman#I bet then you could have them put on the closed captioning too#The Dream#have a halloween party where I just rent out a theater with all of my friends and force them to watch paranorman#or having a universal monsters movie marathon or something#so freaking fun#I love going to the movies lmao
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it's hard to have a good day like, mentally and emotionally but a bad day physically.
it's REALLY hard to do that twice in a row but we're going to try.
#i'm not doing the bit this time sorry#the POTS has been POTSing all over the place and i had to take a shower#so what *wasn't* THAT bad before is now VERY BAD and i'm like...#i'm nauseous i don't want to eat anything i can feel the pain starting so i do need to eat SOMETHING so i can take meds#but the concept of both making AND eating food is daunting and also gross feeling simultaneously#my heart is just constantly pounding and i haven't had any caffeine yet today#so my concerns that it was the monster making my shower reactions worse is absolutely not the case#because i'm fucking sitting here shaking like i just survived a car crash all due to having#*checks notes*#woken up made my bed and taken a shower. that's IT. that is ALL i have done so far#and i am trembling and shaking and weak and nauseous like i'm in shock or something this is BULLSHIT#i think i'm hungry too is the other problme i don't know for sure due ot the aforementioned other factors#so i bet eating would help a lot here#god i hate this so much right now i'm so mad#i had to dream about my family and being ignored and there were WILD swings between feeling horrible and feeling like things were improving#and i wouldn't be shocked if the symptoms i was having in my dream were happening in real time in my actual body too#i hate htis i hate htis i hate this#water salt compression socks WHAT ABOUT WHEN THAT'S NOT ENOUGH HUH? WHAT THEN??? DO I JUST GOTTA LIVE LIKE THIS?????#*fuck* i'm so angry rn. and sad. i think i'm going to let myself cry and see what happens
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Finished the first drafts for some new ricky fake subs but idk if I like them 💀
#dumb fuck ted talk#running on hopes. dreams. and two thirds of a monster zero ultra#it's almost 10pm and i am trying to promptly pass out now that they are done#we'll find out in the morning if they're actually good if i suck at this after not doing any for a while#also. i hope y'all fuck with them when they do drop bc i'll cry if you don't#i have tear ducts and i'm not afraid to use 'em#ricky shen smut#shen ricky smut#shen quanrui smut#zerobaseone smut#zb1 smut#rain's daily issue
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last night i took a nap after work, setting an alarm so i didn’t sleep too late, then slept through my alarm and woke up at 12:30am. ate a macaroni then tried to go back to bed so i wouldn’t be fucked up. sleep paralysis/nightmares the rest of the night.
#i do feel well rested though#also objectively funny#during my sleep paralysis it felt like there was a monster on the corner of the room#and then when i slipped back into full sleep in my dream i threw a taquito at it#and then for the rest of the nightmare i was so convinced that i had thrown the taquito in real life#that i was like LET ME OUT LET ME OUT I HAVE TO WAKE UP SO I CAN CLEAN UP THE TAQUITO SO I DONT GET RATS#objectively funny flavoring to the nightmare
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