#sometimes they can’t die at all
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Blankie time we share body warmth and the bad dreams bounce back and crash into a wall and die <3
Blankie time💙🖤
#my stuff#asks#i extremely rarely sleep without my necklace and this is why. every time i have horrific dreams that leave me soaked in adrenaline#i was trapped in a stairwell with one entrance barricades and the other was a door i had to keep closed with my body#and there was a horde of zombies behind it trying to get in#i fell asleep holding it shut and dreamed about how i got there. the people i saw go from human to ravenous monster#whenever i have these dreams i’m not scared of pain or body horror#i’m scared of the hunger i see in their eyes. I’m scared that the only way to stop them is to kill them in an extremely difficult way#sometimes they can’t die at all#it so very clearly reflects my fear and distrust of The Population At Large as an autistic and trans person#anyone could turn on you. you have to protect those you love or they will turn on you too.#i always dream like this when i’m stressed and it doesn’t help the situation#i do not fear being devoured and i do not fear coming back. i fear i will be made into something that can only do evil#often in these dreams i get eaten and reanimate with my mind intact and then have to Convince the others that i’m infected to avoid#to avoid being completely devoured#so yeah. autistic masking isn’t taking any toll i’m sure#burying myself in the blankie for ever and ever
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bro I’m sick bc ace dying in his arms was luffy’s biggest nightmare but dying in the arms of the person that he loved most / loved him most was probably the kindest Fate (under the circumstances) that he could have been given. luffy, the person he sacrificed himself for and would again and again and again and a million times over if he’d been given the chance bc there was no world he wanted to live in without his little brother alive and breathing, there with him at the end.
#I hate when ppl say that he died for nothing. in vain. that all those lives were wasted trying to save him#BRO. you DONT get it. it’s supposed to feel sickening#not everything gets a happy ending. sometimes people die for no reason. or they die protecting something they can’t save#but did save luffy in more ways than one. at marineford (idc what anyone says they never would have outrun akainu) and by being the push for#strong enough to protect his friends and strong enough to follow the dream ace would never see him achieve#in the hypothetical that ace survived and luffy didn’t. ace would never have lasted more than a few weeks. days.#or he would have survived just long enough to burn the whole world down#because luffy loving him was the reason he could love himself just enough to keep going.#and even tho he loved whitebeard and his crew there was nothing left for him in a world that didn’t have his brother in it#alas#ooopsie lots of tags !#portgas d ace#luffy#one piece
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sam’s life is like a possession john hands over to dean right before he dies with the words ‘save him or kill him’. sure dean has always protected sam, always cared for sam, but in that moment dean inherits sam. all decisions about sam become dean’s, just like before all decisions about sam were supposed to be john’s <3 has he ever had a scrap of autonomy in his life. has anyone ever thought he deserved it
#This is why the only way for sam to be free is for dean to die fr. Finale rights! (i have never seen the finale)#sam should’ve raised dean junior as a girl. sorry i just say shit sometimes#break the cycle!#sam: your ass is NOT participating in the patriarchal game of possession. go to your room and dont come out until youre nonbinary#sorry. sorry i am literally sleep deprived and just saying words#again it’s all about dean winchester i am the eldest boy#sorry no it’s not i just can’t stop myself saying words#spn#spn meta#my meta#oliver talks#sam winchester#samgirlisms
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Growing up as an only child people would always like talking to me and say I’m nice and generous then when they found out that I’m an only child they’d tell me “oh so you’re spoiled and don’t know how to share?”. And it was always so frustrating because why would I be spoiled? Yes both of my parents attention was only on me but they raised me right? And I’ve met people that are spoiled and not brats, like spoiled brat and spoiled are two different things.
And I love sharing and always have bc I never had anyone to share with so I like letting other people use my stuff. One of my friends that I did so many things for all of middle school (I gave her homework answers, pencils, erasers, bandaids, some of my lunch, gum, etc) told me that I don’t know how to share because I’m an only child. We’re not friends anymore because at one point she started rushing me to do my work so she could copy and she would not let me concentrate and she wouldn’t copy my shit while I was doing it and then she’d get mad at me because she was failing. But anyway, I was a little mad because you KNOW me, but you’re just gonna say that because why, exactly? It was like people were always telling me what I should be like and telling me that I don’t understand any childhood experiences.
And then I get told I must not know how to compromise just because I’m an only child? Like what? I will do anything to please you so what the hell are you talking about.
And people go on rants saying that parents need to start having more than two children because they hate only children. I’ve seen this so many times and it makes me a little sad because my parents tried, okay? Generalizing is not cool. They’ll hate only children just because they had a bad experience with someone that happened to be an only child. And then I’ll make friends with someone and when they find out I’m an only child they’ll tell me they never would’ve guessed because they hate only children. Thanks, I guess?
“You must not have a very good family bond” uhh why? My cousins are the closest thing I ever had as siblings growing up and I genuinely don’t understand when they would say this because it doesn’t mean I can’t bond with people my age.
“You probably get everything you want” i was told this just because I bought a new notebook when my old one ran out of pages. Again, what is the thought process here because it’s not like I can ask for anything and get it just because I’m the only kid my parents have.
I would say I’m lonely and want a sister and people would get straight up mad at me. “No you don’t you’re lucky” and you think there aren’t things I want that you have too? I literally feel so alone 24/7 but I guess I’m not allowed to feel that because at least I get privacy.
They also always assume I’m rich. I am very much not rich and I did have friends that lived in bigger houses and it made me so insecure about mine. Idk what it is about assuming only children are rich. I wish being an only child came with that bc then I’d never complain again. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.
Anyways. This was a random rant. I just remembered that I would get so frustrated because I would literally cry from the fact that I didn’t have a best friend or someone like a sibling to talk to, and then I’d be told my feelings weren’t valid. I know this is such a non issue, but just sharing I guess.
#idk it’s midnight#can’t sleep#and I’m feeling lonely and this was the result#I might go crazy if I can’t find a best friend that will call me their best friend back#everyone seems to have their person but me and that’s not fair#only child#only child core#if anyone gets mad bc they can’t handle someone has a different experience I swear#rant#midnight rant#random post#and when my parents die I’ll be alone#I literally cry thinking of it#and I either live up to their expectations or literally nothing else bc J haven’t really thought of a plan b#all the pressure is on me and that kind of sucks#only child culture#only kid things#but yeah call me spoiled just because my parents couldn’t reproduce another offspring#the fact that I’m so scared to not be okay because my parents only have one daughter#I’m trying so hard to make it worth it#only child experience#spoiled brat#according to everyone#eldest child#middle child#and when they say ‘attention whore’ as if said attention doesn’t feel like being under a microscope sometimes
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I have a starling fledgling in my closet right now. Leg might be broken as it’s unable to tuck it under its body correctly. It just kind of splays out and looks bruised.
There is a wildlife Rehabber about an hour away, but tomorrow is my brother’s graduation so it might be a day or so until I can take it over there.
In the meantime, I’m going to try my best to keep it alive. It won’t need round the clock care at this age and we have plenty of food options for it.
I guess we’ll see how it goes.
#also kind of angry at my mom right now.#she told me to just put it back outside#where it will die if not from exposure then by cats or whatever#it can’t fly like it’s healthy sibling. At all. it can’t even walk or perch.#my mom is an asshole sometimes
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life comes at you so fast
#tw personal#tw death#tw cancer#not my usual silly goofy post but it’s hard to remain that way when there’s a lot weighing on your mind#cancer sucks#and it’s unfair how quickly it can take people from us#one moment they seem fine and the next they’re in the icu with a week left to live#he passed two nights ago#i wasn’t planning to post about it but i have the tendency to disassociate from my grief#so here i am instead of wherever the hell!#it’s heartbreaking because he and his wife weren’t just my mum’s bosses - they were long-time friends#i have clear childhood memories of playing at their house with their son#his youngest child is only 3 years old#as soon as he found out he started giving his final messages to his staff#obviously nobody wants to die in that situation#but you could feel how much he *wanted to live*#when i was told about his death it was in the morning and it didn’t feel real#every time i had seen him in the last year he always had a smile on his face#it’s always been hard for me to deal with the prospect of death#and understand how fragile life is#how REAL mortality is#it hits even harder when it happens to someone who was so FULL of life#sighs#life comes at you fast#sometimes in all directions and in every possible and testing way imaginable#i’ve been trying to write and feel any sense of normalcy this evening but for a multitude of reasons i have a sinking feeling in my stomach#sometimes when i’m upset i try recycle the feeling into excitement or happiness over something else#yeah … i can’t really do that tonight#apologies if my energy is bleh. hold your loved ones close. now i return you to my regular scheduled programming
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hello good evening tonight i’m thinking about shoko and how desensitized she is :33 thinking about a naive reader who admires her and looks up to her and feels their world come crashing down when she has to put a scalpel to their best friend’s corpse after a mission gone wrong and doesn’t even bat an eye .
#she drinks herself to sleep that night#not like you would know#i’m just . thinking abt the more rotting sides of shoko . that i think get ignored sometimes#i will forever die on the hill that sashisu are all genuinely Good people . but they’re also fucked up . from all the trauma#shoko is kind and she cares maybe more than anyone else#but she’s also so used to bloodshed . so used to biting down and doing what she’s told.#she grows so fond of the innocent light in your eyes so when she sees your eyes widen in horror#at her treatment of the dead#she can’t help but feel a pang of anguish she thought she had grown out of#ari noises ✩
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Some derps for the past three Malevolent episodes ~ 🕷️👩🏻🎄
#Malevolent#Malevolent Podcast#Sorry the first two are like sosososo late I just like… forgot to make them#But those episodes were like sososososo much so can’t blame me#But today was BENEVOLENT DAY#WHICH WAS THE MAIN ATTRACTION#GOD ALL OF IT WAS SO SO SO SO SO FUNNY#THE SITCOM AESTHETIC THE APRON THE MAILMAN THE TELEGRAM ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND THE SAD TRUMPETS#AND THEN THEM TRYING TO GET THEIR SPIRITS UP AND PLAYING BABY IT’S COLD OUTSIDE#“IF WE HOLD HANDS THE FANS WOULD DIE” IS JUST HILARIOUS I TELL YOU#BC WE WOULD#AAAAANYWAY AND THE -ARTHUR’S FAMOUS IDEAS!!!1!!1!1- that go horribly sometimes but uhhhhhhLET’S NOT MENTION THAT#😂 OSCAR BLESS UR HEART AND AT LEAST YOU HAVE AN ARM IN THIS EP#EDDIE HI I BARELY REMEMBER YOU BUT HI#KRISTIAN NOEL PEDERSON HELLO SIR I LOVED YOUR MUSIC AND IT’S SO WEIRD TO SEE SOMEONE ELSE IN MALEVOLENT BUT YEAHHHHHHHHH#AND KAYNE! BEING MISCHIEVOUS AND STRANGE AGAIN! THREE HOURS IS NOT ENOUGH SIR JSYK#THEM AFTER LIKE ACTUALLY READING THEIR LINES THE DELIVERY I CAN’T—#AND DINNER! I KINDA WISH LIKE LARSON OR BUTCHER SHOWED UP BUT OH WELL VERY GOOD HOLIDAY SPECIAL MADE ME LAUGH A LOT YAYYYY MERRY CRIMES
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You know, I feel like Kratos forgetting Calliope’s song was a wee bit harsh on the part of the writers.
I think his explanation of how he would’ve given up everything for a few moments more with his daughter, but when he met Faye, found the world worth living in again, would’ve been enough. Imo that illustrates his journey well in of itself.
To add onto that that when he found his new family, he could no longer recall Calliope’s song (played on the flute he made for her)…I dunno, it doesn’t make me think, ‘oh look at Kratos’s growth and development’ as I’m sure the writers intended. I understand the symbolism they were aiming for, but honestly it just made me sad
It’d be different if he was struggling to remember just due to the passing of time, but the fact he says he forgets it specifically after meeting Faye changes the meaning imo.
Kratos could remember his daughter’s song - presumably her favourite, that she played often, if it stuck in his memory - just because he loves her. To remember doesn’t intrinsically mean he’s haunted by it. memories of, and a love for, his Grecian family isn’t inherently negative, or something that has to be ‘let go of’ for him to progress as a character.
#like she’s his *daughter*????#I just feel he could remember the song and the message still works fine#he can reach a better place mentally. it doesn’t meant he has to give up or forget the vestiges of his Grecian family#he can still love them#their memories don’t have to be inherently a burden#and tbh i feel like it’s sometimes assumed he loves Faye and Atreus more. but like. can’t it be equal? does it have to be competitive?#all four of them are wonderful!#but anyway#in my headcannon he still remembers the song!!!#he loves that little girl so so much! I’ll die on this hill!#Kratos#god of war#he also loved Lysandra very much. as seen in the books and the game#‘No matter how many women I find. they all remind me of her’#… crying in the club rn#:(#god of war dlc#god of war ragnarok#calliope#god of war valhalla#Lysandra#god of war lysandra#god of war Ragnarök#god of war calliope
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I will have to read a romantasy book written by a straight man or a lesbian someday just to see if a certain tone is different because a lot of the romantasy books written by women that are attracted to men are just…sometimes…interesting in a bad way
“She was the strongest, most compassionate, most intelligent, kindest, most generous woman that ever existed. All the wise older characters like to pull her aside to tell her this. Unlike all the dumb evil cows that just wanted MMC for his hot body and deep pockets, FMC wanted MMC for his mind and his beautiful soul” just gives off a weird vibe
#is it internalized misogyny is what i’m wondering#if you throw in some compliments like the evil cows are pretty than it isn’t so misogynistic and bitter right?? lol#it’s fiction maybe i shouldn’t care but a lot of it feels so dishonest and strange#you can’t be pushing 40 and writing about how mmc never loved a woman because they were all bitches you need to touch grass#if you can’t make mmc fall in love with fmc without tearing down the other women in the story what are you doing#women can absolutely be flawed but most of the time these flaws in romantasy stories seem to be currated in bad faith#i picked up acotar today and I could not get past the descriptions of the fmc’s sisters like are you joking me…#i promise fmc can be believably loved by mmc even if the female side characters are not evil cows#sometimes it feels like the romance is so underdeveloped and ‘haha I won I’m the best woman’ narrative takes the wheel and for what#author could write about the fmc and mmc simply being together but fmc showing how she is the MOST badass woman is more important 😏😝😝😝#the not so covert ‘she is not like the other girls’ is so bad and boring and it needs to DIE#there is some intrasexual competition going on and am i supposed to act like that is not what is happening or what#even when that is clearly what is going on??#stooop stop fighting girls just stooooop#i have to tag fourth wing sorry it’s true it’s true#fourth wing
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anon, thank you for this request 🙏
taglist : @itsgrimeytime @catt-leya @addicted2twd @starkstiless @blazemm98 @sinsandsweetness @bloodyglennrhee @grimesgobbler @murder-jacket @andrewstinkylinky @eternalrose81 @marlboro-reds-13 @dxrkymxrchy @nadiasgf @taylormarieee
#sometimes all you need is some rick edit with lana#i can’t believe i never edited s7 rick THAT much#his arms are to die for#dick grimes#the walking dead#rick grimes#andrew lincoln#rick grimes smut#rick grimes x reader#rick grimes fluff#rick grimes x you#andrew lincoln smut#rick grimes fanfiction#rick grimes x female reader
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crying over lupe’s face after she says to carson ‘don’t act like you care now’ and carson responds with ‘for us, just… ask dove to rest you.’ it almost looks like she really thinks in this moment that nobody cares about her except what she can offer the team.
but then in the next game, you can see that carson does care. she stands up to dove on lupe’s behalf when he benches her. in the car park with dove that wasn’t just about the team, carson tells him off for humiliating lupe on the field, benching her after he was the one who kept insisting she do his pitch, despite her clearly struggling.
#this is NOT carson hate btw#i love her#and i love that all the relationships in aloto are so layered and complex#like they rlly are like siblings sometimes#sometimes they can’t stand each other but they will still stick up for them#aloto#lupe garcia#a league of their own#aloto rambles#lupe is someone i would go to war for#i would die for her
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Time for more eternal gales isat au, this time featuring Sier as Isabeau, creating a sprite I can never use next to Aris’ because despite my best efforts it would make them look tall
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc#oc art#isat#in stars and time#this one didn’t take nearly as long as the aris one but I think I suffered for it more from the clothes alone#siffrin made me forget I suck at drawing clothes rip#this was also harder because of how much trickier it was to try and adapt siers design to feel fitting enough for my standards#they have a very stylized design compared to most of the others#I kind of took the lazy route out by keeping most of their original shapes in tact but it’s fine#sier in this au would serve the needed role of emotionally intelligent bestie who is also too scared to cross boundaries to do much#but despite this I do think they’d actually get the suspicion quest in this au#mostly because mase is a furry artist not a nerd and sier would be more likely to look at aris and go bro. are you in a fucking timeloop.#it also differs in that aris doesn’t yell at sier abt it instead looping before they can finish because she can’t handle hearing them be#right on the money about this thing that she thought she was handling perfectly#she doesn’t want to fail them she doesn’t want them to realize she’s failed them she doesn’t want to be a burden she doesn’t want them to#‘realize’ they’re better off without her#aris is Incredibly resistant to accepting help on most serious issues because shes convinced that it’s her responsibility to deal with it#by herself and that if she can’t then she’s a failure and worse than useless#I mean in canon eternal gales she literally loses her eye and arm because of that#in this au she just lost them how sif lost his eye but she still has. complexes abt all that.#but yeah sier also differs wildly from isa in many Many other ways as does the rest of the cast from their assigned characters#for sier they rly aren’t the jock of the group at all instead being more of the guy who keeps the mood lighthearted at all times lest they#die of stress because the others haven’t said anything in a whole 30 seconds#aka they’re the self assigned peacekeeper who doesn’t actually need to constantly keep the peace because no one’s fighting but they still#feel like they need to so they dance and dance and dance for their friends until they collapse from exhaustion#metaphorically ofc#this is why they’re both terrified to confront aris when she starts acting a bit fucked up but also why they still do sometimes anyways#they talk abt this a lil bit in their friend quest as they talk abt how they want to change but are scared to
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“The Moon Warrior,” Marvel 85th Anniversary Special (Vol. 1/2024), #1.
Writer and artist: Yuji Kaku; Special thanks to Ken Kunito
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 85th Anniversary Special#Moon Knight comics#Tsukikage#I can’t believe my inability to read Kanji is haunting me even in Moon Knight comics (not even the first time that’s happened on this blog!#you know and maybe this is just my personal academic/professional background talking#but I find the personal reasonings people come to on why they’re against either totalitarian regimes or extremist ideologies#to be of endless interest#because obviously it’s critical that people come to understand how it’s immoral and consequently detestable#for a government or some other individual/s who hold/s power to abuse their authority and not respect people#based on the latter’s inherit worth as a human being#but when it comes to people actually living under such institutions…opinions can be diverse#sometimes tyrannical regimes get toppled not (only) because they’re being punished for their human rights violations#but also because they transgressed against something else#(like the elite or the military or in this case their citizen’s sense of honor)#it’s imperfect but in this world full of imperfect people it would be truly miraculous to execute a morally perfect revolution#not to make excuses#just making an observation based on what I’ve studied#but anyway here we are again with a Moon Knight unable to die well trying to atone for the crimes of the master he used to serve#(and the ones he committed during his service)#and all this to say#gosh I love that first panel on the last page#VERY much Kaku sensei’s style
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there’s a progression in there, somewhere, of even going from ‘the master might kill me any day now :(‘ to ‘the master is going to kill me :) she’s not going to let someone else do it after all this time’
#i wouldn’t call it hubris exactly. more like this pretty secure surity that that’s how they’re going to die.#and to them that makes sense. they chose this. they keep choosing it after the doctor offers them a way out.#because this is. they understand this. and they feel safe in the reprieve before their death.#how do you control death? choose who kills you. the last defense of a prey animal.#something something dark mirror to clara’s ‘i am owed’ speech for even is if this ever. doesn’t work out the way they thought it would.#clara tried to threaten the doctor so that he’d reverse death for her. even would turn on the master if she tried to spare them.#i am owed better. i am owed the death you promised… i am owed the knowledge that you don’t care enough to save me… you know. something like#that.#even is. kind of. meant to mirror the doctor’s companions at the time. they are a martha who can’t leave him. they are a donna who has to#remember and never speak about everything they know. they are clara if during deep breath clara reached back and truly didn’t expect. truly#hoped. that no one would take her hand. because if they can be certain it will happen they can know never to reach again.#jesus christ. go to therapy boy. you have so many trust issues.#but that’s why they’re Like That with the master because at the end of the day. who is easier to rely on? the guy who comes in to put out#fires but only sometimes. or the guy who. really really fucking likes starting fires.#better to get burned hoping someone is coming or get burned knowing that’s what would happen. and even. chooses the latter.#AND ALL OF THIS. for me to say thats why i cant actually let the master ever kill them.#i think she needs to do something worse to even. i think she needs to abandon them.#and that will either set them free to go have healthy normal relationships or. lets be honest much more likely. completely fucking break#them. which would be fun :) for me.#dw oc
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hey this goes without saying but unironically dni if you hate paani octonauts. like actually.
#i don’t usually do things like this buuuuut the way people talk about him sometimes is. weird. and i don’t like it#i’m at least happy to know that most people who dislike him keep that stuff in private circles and not tagged in public#but honestly still. at this point i’m blocking because all of you act the same#also there’s a difference between ‘he’s not my fav personally’ and ‘i want him to die he deserves it’#you just hate to see a silly monkey man living his best life!!!!!!#also the argument most times is that he’s a kwazii replacement#and yeah i mainly understood that because of the way A&B S1 was#but if you still believe that and blame it on him as a character and STILL like my kwazini art. I just don’t like you!#that’s all sorry for ranting I just can’t do this anymore#you can have your opinions but personally the paani hate gets gross and weird really fast and i’m sick of seeing it#yall don’t deserve my art of him if you simultaneously wish the worst on him
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