#when do i even have the time to go to disability services. and i've heard a lot of schools' processes w/that are slow and overcomplicated

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[i-still-mask-because]

in the wake of all this new information during COVID, do you feel that maybe we should all just be masking all the time, COVID of no COVID? I mean it can't be the only airborne disease out there and immunocompromised ppl have always and will always exist so like. Following that thinking even if we don't have COVID we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right? Idk I'm stressing a lot about this do I just need to wear a mask outside forever cos. Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues and stuff but. I don't wanna?? Kill people by accident??? Aaaaa

Hello, thanks for reaching out about this.

I saw this ask about a month ago, and I needed time to think about how I'd respond to it (so I want to thank you for the patience!).

I'll try to answer all of this to the best of my ability, and I thought I'd answer this by going backwards (responding to the last things you said and then moving up with responding to the first things you said).

Everything is below the cut because this is very long!

First I'll try to summarize what I think you're asking here:

"Vulnerable people exist in this world all around me, therefore does this mean I'm constantly posing a threat to those vulnerable people's safety when I don't mask? The thought of this brings me feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety."

I find this is hard to answer candidly without risking stressing out you or anyone else who's aware of the consequences of their choice not to mask. Nonetheless, my honest answer is: yes, choosing not to mask means risking the lives and safety of vulnerable people, i.e. the disabled, immunocompromised, elderly, children & babies, and those that intersect those groups. That risk can take place directly (such as interacting with an immunocompromised elder) or indirectly (such as interacting with the parent of a disabled child).

I also want to add that it's not only those groups that need protecting. I firmly believe that regardless of your age and/or whether or not you self-identify as disabled or immunocompromised that everyone is at risk of the long-term consequences of this rapidly mutating, vascular, and immunosuppressive virus. No one is invincible to this, and I'll add: not even if you're vaccinated (still get vaccinated if you can, but know that you can still catch covid & develop long covid regardless of your vaccination status).

1. "Masks mess with my breathing and sensory issues."

I understand how that can be difficult to deal with, trust me. There are specific masks (such as most standard KN95s) that irritate the hell out of my face after a certain point. The way those specific masks brush against the hairs of my cheeks just make me want to rip the mask off my face completely. Finding alternatives has been a lifesaver, and they've allowed me to get through the day without wanting to maul someone lol. I don't know what masks you have tried out already, so I'll just recommend the one's I like as well as the one's I've heard good reviews on from people that also have sensory issues:

NIOSH 3m Aura N95 Respirators

Flo Mask

GATA Mask (Haven't tried this one yet, but I've heard a LOT of people say this has been a game changer for them because of how comfortable it is & how it doesn't trigger much sensory issues at all due to its silicone material. Probably the only con I've heard is the chance of the build up of moisture in the mask after a long period of use & water possibly dripping on your face— this happens to me sometimes with my Flo Mask. Edit on Sept. 26, 2023: I tried GATA Mask, and I personally have a tough time getting a comfortable fit & seal with it, even when getting the small/medium size for adults to see if it'll make a difference, and the nose bridge shape not fitting well for me is a huge con. Customer service is just suggesting I spend more, so I'll just give this one a break, for now at least. A lot of other people seem to like it though.)

Halyard FLUIDSHIELD [ASTM Level 3] Mask (My mom works in a hospital, and these are masks she brings home from work. They're VERY comfortable for me, especially when I'm masking at home. I recommend finding a way to tighten the loops that go around your ears to prevent as much gaps around the mask as possible. If tight loops hurt your ears easily, I recommend a mask brace.)

O2 Nose Filters (I haven't tried these out yet as well, but I've seen videos demonstrating how effective these are at filtering out SOOO many unseen particles. I don't recommend using these alone of course, because there's still a risk of inhaling harmful aerosols through your mouth. I would recommend using this as a reinforcement of the protective measures you take. For example: adding on a comfortable surgical mask— ideally one with a high filtration efficiency like the previous suggestion— with the nose filters. I think these nose filters would be great if you're removing your mask real quick to take a sip of water or if you're outdoors with enough distance from crowded areas & groups.)

In the ideal world, more people would mask during this on-going pandemic so those that deal with sensory issues and/or those that straight-up can't wear a mask due to medical reasons wouldn't have to worry so much about choosing between existing & risking their health. For now, we just have to find alternatives.

2. "Do I need to wear a mask outside forever?"

My answer to this is: yes until further notice. There's no foreseeable end to this pandemic right now, but it would be worth the patience to wait for adequate tech, treatment, and cures for covid-19 to be released before even thinking about getting loose with masking.

Societal mandates have been dropped way too soon, and public health in regards to covid-19 is being forced on us as an individual responsibility. As a consequence, this gives this rapidly mutating virus a lot of wiggle room to spread and do whatever it wants. This means doctors and experts don't have much answers yet for adequate treatment because there's a MAJOR lack of containment (such as masking & quarantining) and documentation (such as testing & reporting). This isn't to say there hasn't been any advancements whatsoever: for example, Washington University just developed a breath test for covid that gives results in just 1 minute! This is great news! And this is just one reason why it's very necessary for those who can mask to mask, so scientists are given more time to roll out helpful solutions & tools sooner.

Another thing I'll add is if you're symptomatic and/or are positive for covid, you should 100% be wearing a mask no matter what, point blank period. I say "and/or" because it is VERY much possible to have covid and not experience any symptoms at all; this is a major reason why it's necessary to mask up in public consistently, because you can't always know who you bump into that may have covid or not.

3. "Even if we don't have covid, we could still be risking other people's health (and lives) with other diseases we may have right?"

Yes, there is a possibility of spreading airborne diseases to vulnerable people unknowingly— without the protective & preventative tools that is.

I can only speak for America because that's the cultural zeitgeist I grew up in, but: I feel like many of us can agree that, unless you worked in a healthcare setting, what was "normal" (in America) before 2020 when it came to airborne illness prevention was definitely not the regular use of a mask. American health education mainly taught us if we're coughing & sneezing to try to do so in a tissue or into your elbow, as well as frequently wash our hands. That doesn't account for the way air actually works though. For instance, if someone with the common cold coughed into the inside of their elbow, the particles they coughed out are still able to linger in the air because their elbow isn't creating a tight seal around their mouth (their elbow may have caught the droplets from their cough— which are bigger & heavier— but the smaller, lighter aerosols would just spread around similar to how smoke does); it's the difference between 😪 vs 😶‍🌫️. The only sure way for the germs they've coughed out to be blocked from spreading to other people is if they wear a well-fitted, quality mask/respirator.

I feel like health education from a young age should include the benefits of masking; that way it would be easier to adapt to the need to put on a mask to protect ourselves & others as a collective. It would be phenomenal & wonderful if we as a collective were used to masking the same way we're used to putting on socks before putting on our shoes.

4. "Immunocompromised people have always and will always exist"

Yes, that is true. And that means necessary measures taken to protect them, as well as other vulnerable people, should be the standard.

5. "[Covid] can't be the only airborne disease out there"

Of course not. There's plenty of them. However, not all airborne diseases are the same, nor should they be treated as such. What's been observed in regards to the long-term effects of covid is not at all the same with other airborne diseases. Covid is a highly contagious virus that is more than just a respiratory disease. Its goal is to attack your immune system, nervous system, heart, brain, and/or other vital organs. That's what viruses do. They act smart and sneaky, and they have the capability to trigger illnesses in your body that you may not have had pre-infection:

Chickenpox is known to lead to shingles

Epstein-Barr is known to lead to mono

HPV is known to lead to cancer

Covid-19 has been found to lead to:

POTS

ME/CFS

Stroke & Heart attack

Alzheimer's

Dementia

"Brain Fog"; Memory & Concentration Problems

The list goes on, and these are only what we know of. Covid may not be the only airborne disease, but it definitely is a dangerous one with serious, long-term negative effects.

6. "Do you feel that we should all be masking all the time, whether or not covid-19 exists?"

In regards to masking with the existence of covid:

Yes. Masking is a vital method in the prevention of catching & spreading covid-19, because it is primarily spread through the air.

In regards to masking without the existence of covid:

See my answer for number 3, and also: given the fact wearing a mask can only do more good than harm for most folks, I don't see why not. Imagine a world where we don't have to worry about flu season or allergy season anymore because those aerosols are filtered out from consistent mask wearing. Sounds like the dream to me lol.

-

I hope this made sense! If anyone has anything they'd like to add to answer anon's questions, please feel free to share!

Thank you for reading 😷

[artistic-ace-raven]

Lately, i've noticed that i'm not focusing and y'know, being all cognitively and mentally there like i used to be even a year before.

And i don't know what is causing this to happen. I refuse to believe that it's because of my medication, because it's for my ADHD and is SUPPOSED to help me with my attention span or whatever. Maybe it is, since it's been increased to another 10.

I don't think it's me getting older either. That shit doesn't happen, i've not heard of a time where and when this has happened to someone. Like someone, with ADHD and or without ADHD, suddenly becomes more distractible and absentminded more than normal when they've been very focused during their younger years on the planet.

Same with the medication. I have not heard of anyone who takes this medication that actually causes them to lose more focus and attention rather than giving them more focus and attention abilities. Unless of course, maybe a person who has had this happen has some other disability that hasn't been diagnosed yet. But i don't think it's that.

One of my more clearer and more sensible theories is that maybe i am spending too much time on social media, when i usually go on Instagram for maybe 2 hours during the end of the day, and i seldom use TikTok because i'm either on here or on Reddit, reading up on Splatoon stuff or about stuff regarding my other special interests. But the other one makes more sense to be honest, that or i'm biased. Anyway.

My last theory is that i'm too worried and thinking too much about my future to focus on anything i'm doing at the moment, which also includes Splatoon 3. That could be why. But i did play and i didn't notice much thoughts regarding the Developmental Services agency, or anything else about my future but me thinking and making fun of Iran's current tweets on Twitter because, can't blame me, they sure are funny to be honest.

I guess i just wanted to get all of this out of my chest. Things are changing and i really don't like that, i hate how everything is suddenly so uncertain and changing all of a sudden.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

Hiya, stardust! How are you? Are you… doing okay? Sorry for missing again. I got too invested in theories about the end of the Universe (weird thing to focus on, but anyways.) I’ve been thinking a lot about the Universe, and stars—

Like! There are three theories. The Big Freeze, The Big Crunch, and Quantum Physics’ theory about it. I know it isn’t a relaxing topic, but if you want to hear about it… I can tell you!

I’ve been doing fine. Went back to my old meds (carbamazepine, it’s for Epilepsy, aka the disgrace I have!) and it seems I am more… cheery? Dunno~ But others seem to think I am, so I am inclined to agree.

Sweetpea, do you imagine yourself with a therapy pet? Or a pet for disabled people, service dogs? (I forgot the name for a sec.) I think they would really help you out, after all, animals do make everything better, and they are service dogs for a reason.

Have I ever told you another part of my dream, besides being a Creator? I want to be an aimless, stupid traveler, too. To elaborate: just… get a car. Drive off, drive away, after I get my degree in an university (I am stuck between arts and coding.) Get my transition surgery, too — I will be a twink Who said anything?! B-But anyways, it’s just another dream I have, besides Creation. I may change not only my name legally, but even my birthday — if… that’s possible. Change it to the date of my transition. I am weirdly hopeful about the future.

Seeing our insignificance at the great scheme of things, at a cosmic level… It’s comforting, stardust. At the same time, we have the mind to color an entire world, because the red I see isn’t the same red you see. You can see I’ve been rather invested in philosophy, neuroscience, but when haven’t I?

I guess the alternative timeline Curly would be rather jealous of you, Curly. Y’know… in the hypothesis you meet your clone— Tee-hee. I am rambling now! It’s just sort of fun to.

… How many videogames will you want to play with me when you get back, Curly? I will want to play multiple ones with you. Siblings are cool to play games with, after all! I’ve been getting more comfortable in calling you a brother… I hope you’re not bothered by it.

Really eager to play “Night In The Woods,” “OMORI” and ESPECIALLY “In Stars And Time” with you!

Also, sorry that I yelled so much the other times— didn’t mean to cause you a headache or anything of the sort. I just got heated and excited, I guess. Also! Sorry for just assuming you were aroace — I just got happy! Shouldn’t have assumed.

Anyways, stardust! Music cue!

https://youtu.be/iWHCL6AIy7c?si=kVRiLbJXOypeDZr7

Musicals— I believe they are a socially-accepted form of torture, but oh well, there are songs from musicals that are very good! I kind of want to go to a theater one day… You’re lucky to have me as a sibling, because a normal sibling would already have spoiled you about all of it; videogames, movies, series, anime, theater, you name it!

Hope you’re doing alright, sugarcube. I really hope you’re alright. Compassion… we all need Compassion in our hearts. Do you think I am Compassionate enough? … Hope so. You will be alright, you’re doing very, very well this far, I am proud of you.

I am here for you. Always am. Always will be. Even if I disappear for a while, I will always come back for you.

- Lumi!

I'm surviving, at least. Don't worry about it.

...Honestly, I'm kinda curious now.

Glad your meds are working then.

I've thought about it, sure. Could be nice to have a service animal if I could afford it. And take care of it.

I hope that works out for you, then... That all sounds nice.

I'm a little sick of red. Hahah. Philosophy and neuroscience are pretty interesting.

Hm? ...Oh, you mean... Yeah. I'd... like to think that the timeline doesn't exist anymore. From what I've seen and heard of it.

I can't think that far ahead... Ask me once I physically can play games. (Listen, I've been adopted in more directions than I thought possible since you lot appeared. I don't mind. What's one more unofficial relative?)

That's okay! Thank you.

Wow. This is pretty sad, yeah?

Thank you. You're plenty compassionate.

Thank you, again.

[adventures-on-foster-island]

Service and Suport Pokémon

The class takes place in a plush room within the main building, full of bean bag chairs and large cushions for sitting. Ellisa stands at the front of the room with an Umbreon on one side of her and an Espeon on the other.

"Hello students! I'd like you all to meet two Pokémon who are very special to me; Pan the Espeon and Nyx the Umbreon. They joined me over ten years ago, when I was 16 and moving away from home to attend school. Up until then, I had a close support network and attended online classes. When I moved all the way to Kanto, my anxiety and ADHD came to light in a way they never had before. I struggled to make it to classes, turn in school work, and even leave the dorm at all for a while. Eventually, my counselor suggested that I look into getting support Pokémon, and they changed my life.

You see, most people only think of service Pokémon as mobility aids, seeing eyes, and those that can detect things like allergies, blood sugar, blood pressure, and seizures. On the contrary, there are near endless possibilities of ways support Pokémon can help their trainers. Take the move Helping Hand for example; in battle it is used to increase attack power, but outside of battle it can do so much more. Nyx uses it on me to regulate my focus, or more-so my executive function, while Pan uses it to lower my heart rate when I'm on the verge of a panic attack. I've heard of people with chronic pain and fatigue using the move to manage their symptoms as well. Most moves have uses outside of battle, and if trained correctly, can help with some kind of condition. Folks with insomnia or other sleep disorders may benefit from moves such as yawn, hypnosis, and sleep powder, in addition to dream eater for nightmares. People who suffer from chronic pain have a wide variety of options, from poison type moves that dull nerves to fighting and psychic type moves that can trigger pressure points. Future sight is a popular move for those with OCD and anxiety, and Pokémon with the ability telepathy are great for the deaf, hard of hearing, and those who are nonverbal or have times when they go nonverbal."

Ellisa hands out a few items to be passed around; wristbands, harnesses, vests, and lanyards in various colors, all reading 'SERVICE POKÉMON' and/or 'WORKING, DO NOT PET'

"Service and support Pokémon are trained to perform specific tasks to help their trainer. They are working, and should not be interrupted or distracted from their job. Most will have some kind of vest or other accessory to alert others that they are working. These Pokémon are not battle trained, and just because someone has a Pokémon on them does not mean that they are a trainer who is prepared to battle. Service Pokémon must be registered through the PokéCenter system, and business are legally required to allow them inside. There are only two questions the trainer must answer if asked by staff; 'Is this Pokémon required because of disability?' and 'what work or task has the Pokémon been trained to perform?'. It is illegal to ask the trainer about their disability, require any special documentation, or ask for the Pokémon to demonstrate their task.

If you think a service or support Pokémon could help you live life to its fullest, reach out to your doctor. There is a process for finding the right Pokémon for your specific needs that can take up to a year to finalize. It is important to get your service Pokémon from a reputable breeder with a history of successfully trained adoptions rather than catching one wild."

[anotherpapercut]

College Resources

hey y'all so I have a degree in math, and have been tutoring college level math, stats, physics, and study skills for a few years now and I have several certifications as a college level tutor and in my years tutoring I've picked up a lot of absolutely essential things you NEED to know to pass math classes (and others!) if you have a hard time in math class, which unfortunately most schools will not teach you

so if you're in college (or high school, but some of these will be college specific) and you would like to hear my Professional Tips for how to survive math in college I have compiled a list of things I think you should know below the read more! I'm going to put a couple general tips at the top though for people who aren't taking a math class

alright, welcome to the read more! let's start with some general things

ok I'm starting with a kind of tip before the tips: if you are disabled, talk to disability support services at your school. a lot of times they provide services to attain a diagnosis if you don't have one, but if you do it's typically pretty easy to get accommodations and if your teachers try not to follow them, they will get in A LOT of trouble (I'm in the us so idk how disability laws are in other countries but here this is a big deal for universities bc public funding etc and if you make a complaint they will be FORCED to comply). I'm not saying bad experiences never happen, I've not been to every school in the us and I'm sure there are places that suck abt this, but I literally would not have been able to get a degree in math without accommodations (I'm autistic and have dyscalculia + memory issues) so it was worth every annoyed sigh by a dumbass teacher (which honestly rarely happened. most of them were cool). some possible accommodations include, extra time on tests, separate testing locations, formula cards, ability to use notes etc etc

I work in a free tutoring center at my local community college. while I won't say these are definitely universal, every college I have encountered (in the US, where I live) has one of these. Google the name of your school with tutoring. there is a very high chance you have free tutors available in a variety of subjects who are ready to help you. you should utilize the fuck out of this bc ur already probably paying for it in ur tuition

my favorite resource ever is one you may have heard of but I'm reminding you of it anyway. the Crash Course YouTube channel! it has free comprehensive videos about various subjects (including anatomy, physics, biology, economics, statistics and lots lots more). the videos are about 10 minutes each and they're incredibly easy to understand. they're an amazing way to study for finals. trust me on this one. they actually now have real introductory college courses that you can take for credit (tho I think you have to pay for that?) through YouTube so check into that!

take notes!!!!!!!! for real. seriously. even if you've never had to before. trust me. and don't just copy exactly what the board says, write what your teacher says out loud as well, that is often the most important stuff. I highly recommend investing in a few colored pens and/or highlighters. anytime the teacher says something important (such as formulas in a math class or a grammar rule in an English class) either write it in another color, or highlight it. color coding your notes even the tiniest bit will help you tremendously when you're studying and doing homework later. this doesn't mean having a color code so elaborate and strict that you're spending more time and energy figuring out the right color than listening and writing. I usually do the bulk of my notes in black then things like formulas or whatever in one bright color and extra bits of info from the teacher in another, this way it's easier to find the important stuff later on

if you've got a couple extra bucks, invest in a mini stapler. you'll be shocked how often those lil bitches come in handy

DO NOT EVER purchase your text books before the classes start (unless you get like an email before class starts telling you you need the book, but this is pretty rare tbh). half of your teachers are going to tell you on day 1 that they don't use the book at all. and honestly almost all of your books can be found by googling the name + pdf. just triple check that you have the correct edition!

speaking of emails, CHECK YOUR FUCKING SCHOOL EMAIL. I am so dead serious about this one. set up notifications on your phone. if you do not check your email you are going to show up for cancelled classes, miss assignment corrections, and generally not do nearly as well in your classes. I know this sounds fake but holy fucking shit please for the love of all that is good and holy check your fucking email. seriously.

the best way to study for your finals is to look at past tests and homework! if your teacher isn't a total dick they'll give you back your tests and homework. when studying for your final, go through and redo any that you got wrong, and look over the ones you got right. teachers usually take final questions from old tests and homework so if you do this it's very possible you'll study your exact finals questions. if they won't give you these back, reread your notes (in a way I'll describe in a moment)

reread your notes the same day you take them or very soon after so the lecture is still fresh in your mind! when you do this, grab a colored pen and take notes on your notes. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's actually a very important study tool. if you come across something you wrote that is confusing, write out an explanation. write down extra things that will help you understand the material. if there's something that you don't understand or don't remember PLEASE ask your teacher. some of them won't answer email so catch them in office hours or after class if you can. at the end of the semester when you're studying for finals, do this all over again but through your whole notebook for the semester (not all at once. pls take breaks lmfao)

if your teacher doesn't offer it up at the end of the semester, ask "can you please tell us some of the topics we should emphasize when studying for our finals?" (you can also say this in a far less pretentious way but I've found that professors are more likely to give you a real answer if you talk like this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I'm ngl, some of em will be assholes about this. they may laugh at the idea and snarkily say "look at your homework" or some shit equivalent. roll your eyes at these old bitches and move on. but many if not most will at least give y'all some idea of what to expect. and crucially: write down what they say and use it as a study guide

okey dokey!! that concludes the general section. now I'm gonna talk about some math specific stuff that will help you a lot if you struggle with math!

starting with an easy one: get a good calculator. please for the love of GOD do not get the TI-30X IIS unless you love it and are EXTREMELY familiar with all of the different operations. I'm sorry but this calculator sucks ass and it will hold you back. for about the same price you can get my personal favorite the Casio FX-115ES Plus (1st edition only, I haven't tried the 2nd edition bc I don't like change) or an FX-991 EX. if you're a Texas instruments guy get a TI 30XS or if ur doing calc and shit I'd get a 36X pro. I just prefer Casio personally lmao. in all likelihood your math teacher will be a calculator nerd who can teach you how to use any of these but there are also lots of videos made by calculator nerds on YouTube as well

so next I just want to emphasize how important your notes are. you cannot pass a math class without good notes unless it's a class you've already taken or something, and honestly even then I'd recommend you write some stuff down because the thing about math is there are a lot of different ways to do the same thing. which brings me to my next point

pay attention to the process your teacher uses to solve problems (I'll give an example in a sec) and especially to how they write the process down. if you're like me and you have trouble with the whole "show your work" thing this will help a lot, because you can use what your teacher writes down as a guideline for what you should write down. for instance, you may have learned about a math concept like permutations and combinations in high school one way, and then be taught a completely different way of performing the calculation in college. if this happens, ask your teacher about your way. sometimes their way is better for a specific reason and it's really important that you learn it. sometimes they'll say it doesn't matter just do what makes the most sense to you. sometimes you will also not get full credit if you do things a different way too so be careful and pay attention to what your teacher says abt it. you may have also been taught to show some steps in an operation but not others and your new teacher may want all of them. or none. or different ones. unfortunately math has a lot of variations

similarly, if there's a concept you don't understand, start by asking your teacher about it first bc they may want you doing a specific thing. if they're not helpful and you don't have access to a tutor turn to the internet. here are my recommendations for resources: Khan Academy has videos and examples explaining concepts in pretty much all types of math. usually really helpful because they'll show you several different methods and use different explanations, MathWay for classes that come before trig/calc. you can use it for those but it's a little more annoying lol specifically in regards to graphing and solving integrals and shit. this tool has A LOT of stuff in it but is best as a calculator to check your work on stuff and for showing you graphs that have transformations and shit like that from college algebra. it's got settings for different math types and even chemistry tho!, for more complicated graphing I'd use Desmos. you can use this in all classes but it's just a bit more complicated imo and it's more made for complex operations so I prefer to use MathWay as much as possible bc it's just more user friendly., there's also Symbolab which a lot of my fellow tutors really like but I personally tend to use the others more, Wolfram Alpha is a pretty well known one. tbh I find it kind of hard to use sometimes so i usually use it as a last resort lmfao but it is really good!, this last one is calculus specific (including things like calc based physics ofc) but derivative calculator and integral calculator are everything to me. could not have gotten through calc 2 and 3 w/o these mfs

OK THIS PART IS REALLY IMPORTANT!! we're going to talk about how you can make your math tests WAY easier on you and massively improve your chances of passing. here's what you're going to do for every test

1. when studying for your test, go through and find ALL formulas that you used in the unit(s) your test is over (this includes formulas you learned previously but used in this unit as well!!)

2. commit them to memory. easiest way to do this (besides practicing using them!!) is to rewrite them a few times including what you use them for and what all of the symbols and letters stand for

3. when you go in to take your test, spend like 5-10 minutes beforehand, right up until they make you put everything away, studying and rewriting these

4. the SECOND the test hits your desk, flip it over and write down every single formula immediately (including as much extra info like when to use and variable definitions as possible). now you won't have to try to remember them 30 minutes in when your brain is frying!!

5. go through the test and read each question carefully. if you can't remember how to solve it within 30 seconds skip it. you might only do 4 or 5 questions (maybe less depending on the length of your test) after the first pass, but just go back to the beginning and do it again, giving urself a little more time w each pass. this will ensure that you're not spending 45 minutes on problem 4 and having no time to get to the rest of the test. additionally with math it is extremely common to basically find the answer to how to do one problem while you're doing another problem. doing the ones you know first will also boost your confidence and help prevent anxiety from wiping ur brain. this is a really really important part of math tests

6. before you hand your test in, make sure you've written SOMETHING down on EVERY SINGLE QUESTION. even if you have absolutely 0 idea whatsoever what to do, there is always a chance for partial credit. a lot of times, you also know more than you think you do. so even if you can only do half a step of the whole process, half a point is better than 0!! if you really have no clue what to do, make something up. I know this probably sounds ridiculous but I'm so deadass. once I was taking a physics test and could not for the life of me remember what formula to use so I just made one up based on my vague idea of how it worked lmao. I wrote off to the side "I know this isn't how physics works, but I can't remember that so just pretend I'm god for a second" and I got like 75% of the points bc the teacher appreciated the effort!! there were fucking countless times when I was taking a test and I got to a point where I knew the steps of what I was supposed to do but could not figure out HOW to actually DO the math. so I wrote in words my understanding of what the next steps were. even though I didn't finish answering the question, I always got points for trying. this is what teachers are wanting from you. effort. so PLEASE write literally anything even if you're just making that shit up (just explain your reasoning in words to the side, as long as you're using logic you're really getting the essence of math anyway). you would not BELIEVE how fast your grades will improve by doing this. I tutored a girl who went from Ds to Bs within literally 2 weeks of starting tutoring just because she stopped leaving any questions blank and started getting partial credit

that's all the important stuff I can think of for now though I'm sure there's much more so I may update this in the future!

of course everyone is going to have a different experience and relationship with math. so adjust all of these tips to fit how you learn best. please try to remember that learning math is a very important part of developing your critical reasoning and logistical analysis skills. these are essential to understanding and interacting with the world and math is just a way of exercising those muscles. trust me when I say I know how infuriating math can be. I have dyscalculia and a math degree. I've spent so many hours crying over math you probably wouldn't even believe me. but it's worth it! and frankly, if you're in college, you're paying a lot of money for this class. you deserve to get everything you possibly can out of it

above all, if you're having trouble ASK FOR HELP. ask your teacher, ask your classmates, ask the head of the department, ask student services, ask Google!! and if you need help you can always ask me! :) I love helping people with this stuff and even if I don't know the answer to your question I'm pretty good at knowing where to look for them!

[luckyduckwrites]

Remembrance Chapter 1-2: Escape To/From Atlantis!

Fandom: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Lena (Disney: DuckTales)/Original Female Character(s), Della Duck (Disney) & Original Character(s), Huey Duck (Disney) & Original Female Character(s), Louie Duck (Disney) & Original Female Character(s), Dewey Duck (Disney) & Original Character(s)

Characters: Lena (Disney: DuckTales), Della Duck (Disney), Original Female Character(s), Webby Vanderquack, Huey Duck (Disney), Dewey Duck (Disney), Louie Duck (Disney)

Additional Tags: Mentioned Della Duck (Disney), Canon Autistic Character, Canon Disabled Character, Protective Siblings, Brother-Sister Relationships, POV First Person, Original Character-centric, POV Original Female Character, Childhood Trauma, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Slow Romance, Slow To Update, Friends to Lovers

Summary:

My name is Izzy, and I'm Donald Duck's niece. I'm 6 years older than my brothers Huey, Dewey, and Louie, and we all grew up together on the houseboat. My brothers are incredibly mischevious and are always causing trouble, so they can never be left alone, but Uncle Donald almost never lets me babysit them. One day, he brings us to meet our Uncle Scrooge, the richest duck in the world! He seems vaguely familiar, almost like I've seen him before, but that can't be possible. I've never seen him on TV, so where could I have possibly seen him before?

**AO3 & Wattpad links in masterpost pinned to the top of the blog**

Sitting down in one of the submarine's seats, I hear Scrooge talking to Uncle Donald over the phone. He had to go above the sub to get service.

I hear him say to Uncle Donald, "I run a multi-trillion dollar business. I can handle a few juveniles for the weekend. You just focus on this new job of yours, and Izzy can help me watch the boys. Besides, I've got a pretty low key day planned."

I snicker a little bit at his last sentence. I saw a blue blur moving in the corner of my vision, and turn my head to see Dewey climbing up the ladder to the top of the sub. He sneaks a peek at me, and I shake my head, trying to warn him not to do what I already knew he'd do. He rolled his eyes and continued climbing the ladder, determination written on his face, and I let out a sigh.

Once he got to the top, I heard him shout, "Hoist the mast sail! Other boat words! To Atlantis! Dive, dive!"

Scrooge covered the receiver on the phone so Uncle Donald couldn't hear what Dewey yelled.

He yelped, "No, wait!"

Launchpad only listened to Dewey, though, replying, "Aye, aye."

He dove the submarine into the water, not noticing that the hatch Dewey and Scrooge had gone through was open.

Scrooge yelled, "Launchpad, the hatch! Stop the-"

Water started seeping into the sub before he could finish his sentence, gurgling a bit at the end when water got into his mouth. Louie and Webby started using the pump floor drain, pumping the water out of the sub.

Scrooge quickly closed the hatch before any more water got in, and tossed his phone to Louie, saying in an annoyed voice, "Talk to your uncle."

Louie started lying, "Hey Uncle Donald. Nope, yeah, pretty boring. We napped rubbed ointment on our joints, old people stuff."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to them to try to grab the phone.

Webby exclaimed, "What about the dragon? And the plane crash? And-"

Louie interrupted her, "Whoops, 3pm, time for dinner. Bye!"

Webby glared at Louie as he tossed the phone over to me. I fumbled a bit before catching it, walking over to Scrooge and giving him his phone back.

He turned to Launchpad and asked, "Launchpad, have you ever piloted a sub before?"

Launchpad responded, "I sunk a helicopter in a wave pool once. Same thing?"

I esclaimed, incredulously, "How is that, in any way, the same thing? They're not even remotely similar!"

Scrooge shrugged and responded, "Eh, I've done more with less. No matter, I'm back!" He suddenly struck a heroic pose before continuing, "Uncharted territory, bold new discoveries-"

Huey interrupted him, shouting, "Travel bingo!"

He had on a new shirt, one that he had made specially for this trip. It was red, and had a picture of the submarine we're in right now on front of it.

Huey continued with enthusiasm, "I love road trips! I've got snacks, a playlist of tradition sea shanties, matching family road trip shirts!"

He pulled a shirt that matched his own over Scrooge, handing one to me, this one being orange.

I asked him while putting on the shirt, "When did you have time to make these?"

Before he could answer, Scrooge pulled the shirt Huey put on him off, saying, "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but there's no time."

Huey responded, "But according to the travel itinerary-"

Dewey interrupted him, tearing up Huey itinerary as he exclaims, "Booooo! Adventure isn't about planning, it's about doing!" He walked over to Scrooge, asking, "So, what can I be in charge of?"

I walked away, heading over to where Huey was. I handed him a copy of his travel itinerary, something I always had copies of. Dewey usually destroyed at least one copy of Huey's travel itineraries. Because of this, I always made sure to have a few copies. He gave me a small smile, and I ruffled his hair. We both turned to face Scrooge and Dewey. I saw Dewey being placed into a seat, and buckled down by seatbelts, and heard Scrooge chuckle and walk back to Launchpad.

Huey and I walked over to Dewey, and heard him say, "Ha, good one. Class Scrooge-Dewey banter; the seasoned but tired explorer passing the torch to his cocky young successor."

Huey said as he fixed his hair, "I'm pretty sure he called me Herbert once."

I added, "To be fair, that is close to your full name."

Dewey responded, "Don't be ridiculous. Hey, Scrooge. When are we going to set sail, Scrooge?"

Scrooge distractedly responds, "In a moment, Sonny Jim."

Dewey crosses his arms, disappointed.

Huey holds up a blue family road trip shirt for him, and Dewey says, "I will cram it down your throat."

I give Huey a little pat on the shoulder, comforting him. Louie and Webby walk over to us, apparently done with draining the water.

Louie exclaims, "Guys, lighten up. We're on a deep sea expedition with Scrooge McDuck!"

Scrooge then stood up, done with what he was doing. Apparently, he was making a map for Launchpad to follow to Atlantis.

He set the map down next to Launchpad, and told him, "Mr. McQuack, chart a course." He turned back to me and the kids, exclaiming, "Next stop, the Lost City of Atlantis!" The kids and I whooped, but Scrooge continued, "In about sixteen hours!"

My face dropped, and I saw the kid's faces drop too before Huey perked up a bit, exclaiming, "Shanty time!"

He pulls out his radio and plays his playlist of sea shanties. I fall asleep for a few hours, only to wake up suddenly to some monster attacks, one after another. The kids and I lay on the floor of the submarine as Scrooge picks up his map. Apparently, Dewey changed Scrooge's carefully thought-out plan, making it go through all those creature's paths, claiming that it would be faster. Scrooge erased Dewey's dumb path and re-drew his original path.

As he was doing that, he muttered, "You kids will be the death of me."

Dewey got annoyed at that, shooting up from the floor and yelling, "Dewey! Dewey will be the death of you!"

I mutter, still laying on the floor and trying to catch my breath, "That's not exactly something to aspire to, Dew. Just relax."

Huey stood up and headed to the bathroom, yelling out suddenly when he saw a mer-creature in there.

He walked over to Scrooge, asking, "Could we make a pit stop? I'd use the bathroom but it's... um... occupied."

He showed Scrooge by opening the bathroom door, revealing the mer-creature. He struggled with it, eventually getting the door shut again.

Scrooge exclaimed in response, "For the love of- It's the middle of the ocean! There are no pit stops."

Launchpad then asked, "How about that conspicuously unmarked tanker?"

I blinked a few times in confusion, then stated, "I guess that works."

We headed up into the tanker to use the bathroom, leaving Launchpad in the sub. I stayed behind a bit to make sure that it was tied properly to the deck, then followed the kids inside. We all used the bathroom, and headed back to the sub, falling asleep once again.

After a few more hours in the sub, Scrooge woke us up with his monologuing, "The Drake Barrier Reef. Powerful currents make it nearly impossible to navigate, but on that rare occasion when snow falls above the reef, the currents cool, allowing safe passage to..."

He looked at the kids, seeing that I was the only one semi-awake. I tapped Louie on his shoulder, waking him up.

He asked tiredly, "Are we there yet?"

Scrooge responded, "I was just trying to-"

Dewey shot awake, exclaiming, "Right side, or the left side?"

Scrooge tried to tell his speech again, "Would you just let me-"

Dewey interrupted him again, pointing out the window and shouting, "Look! There that thing is! We found it!"

I looked out the window after he said that, and was able to focus on a building. It looked... odd to say the least, but I couldn't understand why. The boys and I continued staring out the window, oohing and ahhing.

Scrooge was annoyed with our antics and said, "Yes, good, Atlantis." He began to mock us a little, "'Ohh', 'Ahh', Thanks for spoiling the moment."

Dewey then spotted something, saying, "The whole place is upside down!"

I looked closer, and sure enough, it was.

Scrooge also looked out the window, exclaiming in confusion, "Huh. Well, that's a new one."

Launchpad brought the sub into Atlantis, parking it. I stayed behind a bit again to make sure it was tied up properly, then helped Launchpad out, and we both walked over to Scrooge and the kids. Scrooge seemed to be running off and yelling something, so Launchpad, the kids, and I all started to chase him.

I asked between wheezing breaths, "Dewey?"

The kids all responded in unison, "Dewey."

We finally caught up to Scrooge and Dewey, seeing Dewey sitting on the floor crooslegged, his arms crossed.

Scrooge exclaimed, "Lad! I thought the traps would get you for sure!"

Dewey pointed up, leading our view to the ceiling. There were freakin' buzzsaws on the ceiling!

Dewey stood up, and Scrooge said to him, "From now on, don't touch anything!" 

We all started walking, Dewey in the front. He had his arms crossed, and kicked a rock. The rock ricocheted off the wall and hit a button on the ceiling.

I shout, "Oh, come on!"

I pull the kids out of the way as a panel opens on the ceiling, releasing snakes. Launchpad was unfortunately unable to get out of the way in time, and a bunch of snakes landed on him, biting him.

I exclaimed, to no one in particular, "How are they alive?!"

Scrooge cracks his back and murmurs, "Maybe Atlantis was an ambitious first outing."

Webby nervously answered a call from Mrs. Beakley on her phone, saying, "Hi again, Granny. Still at a friend's house. Her name? Sub... ina! A totally real name for a definately real person."

She ended the call and Louie says, "Eh, good try."

I asked, "Is it though? Why is she even lying to Mrs. B in the first place?"

Louie shrugged, and responded, "Meh. It's better than her other attempts."

I was about to say something else, but Lauchpad walked back over to us. He was covered in snakes, and struggling to stay upright.

Huey walked up to him, and asked, "Launchpad, are you okay?"

Launchpad responded, "A little snake venom nev... er..."

He started trailing off, and slumping over.

I poked him in the shoulder, and he suddenly shot up, shouting, "Hi, nice to meet you! I'm everybody's friend!"

He flopped over onto the ground, landing on Huey. The poor kid started screaming. I tried to pull Huey out from under Launchpad while Webby and Louie pulled on Launchpad. We were eventually able to free Huey and get Launchpad standing, and walked forward, catching up to Dewey and Scrooge. They were on the other side of a large chasm, a broken rope bridge falling toward our side.

Scrooge muttered something to Dewey, then called out to the rest of us, "You five find another way around. We're going to..."

He looks behind him, and sees Dewey climbing down. Scrooge muttered something to himself, then followed Dewey. Huey found a rope and we all climbed down one at a time. As I began climbing down, Launchpad fell, and grabbed Webby's phone. I heard him say something in... Swedish, I think? I don't think I want to know. As I reached the ground, a short duck with a grey beard and wearing Scottish clothes walked over to us. He was holding a large red jewel, and had three body guards behind him.

He told them, "Take them down."

He ran past us, and his bodyguards started fighting us.

Soon, I heard Uncle Donald call out, "Huey and Louie!... are doing okay."

I looked and saw Uncle Donald standing nervously next to Scrooge and Dewey, who were carrying a huge, glowing blue jewel.

Scrooge asked, "Wait, where's Glomgold?"

I asked, "Who?"

One of the bodyguards' walkie talkie started speaking, the same voice as the duck holding the red jewel from earlier.

The voice said, "Hey, team. Wanted to thank you for keeping Scrooge's kin busy while I escape with the jewel, and blow up Atlantis with my most hated rival inside."

The bodyguard whose walkie talkie spoke responded into it, speaking in a Slavic(?) accent, "But I thought employees were greatest treasure of all!"

The duck whom I assumed was Glomgold exclaimed back through the walkie talkie, "Don't be ridiculous. Treasure is the greatest adventure of all, that's why it's called treasure. Glomgold out!"

That sure stopped the fight quick.

Scrooge stated, "We have to go. Now."

The kids, Uncle Donald, Launchpad, and Scrooge, and I started heading back towards the sub, but one of the bodyguards grabbed Uncle Donald's shoulder, turning him around to face her.

She said, "Mr. Duck. Could we, uh, maybe... bum a ride with you?"

Uncle Donald reluctantly nodded and the bodyguards followed us to the sub.

Once inside, Scrooge turned to Dewey and said, "That was some quick thinking. You just may be an adventurer yet, Dewey."

Dewey was happy that Scrooge finally used his name, and hugged him. It was a long ride back to Duckburg. When we resurfaced, approaching the dock, we saw Glomgold giving a speech to the press, holding up his jewel. Scrooge opened the hatch, holding up his own jewel.

We heard Glomgold say, "Ladies and gentlemen of the press. It is with great pride that I, Flintheart Glomgold, present-"

Scrooge interrupted him as we passed, stopping at the dock just past Glomgold, "The Jewel of Atlantis!"

The press turned towards Scrooge, opting to interview him instead, bombarding him with questions. Scrooge held up his hand, silencing them.

He stated, "An efficient, clean source of energy that could power Duckburg for fifty years. Courtesy of your friends at McDuck Water & Electric."

He took a bow, and climbed down to the dock, Launchpad, the kids, and I joining him soon after.

The reporter lady asked him, "Mr. McDuck, how do you respond to claims by other Scottish billionaires that they have the real jewel?"

Scrooge looked at Glomgold, then back to the reporter, stating, "That bauble? It's nice, but it's obviously super cursed."

A giant tentacle came out of the water, grabbing Glomgold and pulling him under the sea. Mrs. Beakley pushed through the crowd, and right up to Launchpad and Webby, talking to them. I was in a conversation with Uncle Donald, Scrooge, and the boys.

Scrooge started, "Now, Donald. Don't-"

Uncle Donald interrupted him, saying, "Stop. I admit I'm a little overprotective."

Louie and I asked in unison, "A little?"

Uncle Donald continued, "No matter what Izzy or I do, these boys will get into trouble. So maybe, you can teach them how to get out of trouble." The boys looked incredulously at Uncle Donald, then he continued, "It might be okay if the kids see you every once in a while. Sometimes, like birthdays, or federal holidays. Nothing too-"

He was interrupted by an explosion behind him. We all looked at the house boat, which was currently releasing dark smoke, then looked at Dewey, annoyed looks on our faces.

He looked sheepish, and said, "Ooh, I may have left the engine running in the houseboat."

I whisper-yelled, "May have? May have?!"

Scrooge looked at us kids, stating, "I may have a dozen or so spare bedrooms in the mansion."

The boys, Webby, and I all whooped.

The reporter lady returned, stating into the camera, "And there you have it Reclusive adventure capitalist Scrooge McDuck is back, with family in tow. Solving mysteries, and rewriting history."

The boys and I packed up our stuff from the houseboat, and moving it into our soon-to-be rooms. The boys shared one room that had a triple bunk bed, and I took the room next to them. After about a week of packing up and moving our stuff, we finally had everything moved into our new rooms in the mansion, and we started to clean out the garage.

That night, I felt a duckling crawl into bed with me, laying next to me. I turned around and saw Louie. He'd often have trouble sleeping, especially in new places, so he often slept with me or Uncle Donald. He snuggled up next to me, getting comfortable. I gave him a little hug, and we both fell asleep.

[melanie-ohara]

Alive, Just to Watch the Bruises Heal - Chapter 2

Whumpuary, Day 12 - Prompt: Old Injuries

Shepard wants her old scars back, and there's only one person she trusts to do it

Okay, this one is probably the nastiest my whump stories are going to get. Be warned: blood, injury, trauma, and some very bad coping mechanisms.

AO3 Here

Shepard rolled over and looked at Thane. His eyes were closed and his breathing measured, but she didn't think he was asleep. She hadn't taken the anti-hallucinogens Mordin had provided to counteract the toxins in Thane's saliva and sweat, and though the first rush of chemical stimulation had come and gone while they had sex, Shepard was still pleasantly high. Logically, she knew Thane was immune to his own effects, but she couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to live like this all the time. It was the first time in months she hadn't been in pain.

Shepard's eyes trailed along the shape of Thane's profile: the gentle slope of his brow to the dip of his eyes, his flat reptilian nose and full, smooth lips. By the time her gaze came to rest on his chin, he was looking at her too. 

"What are you looking at, Siha?" he asked.

"The most beautiful man I've ever seen," Shepard replied. She hadn't told him that he was the first man she had bedded since her awkward academy years, or that he was the first person to see her naked since Cerberus had pressed her resisting body into service. She had a feeling he knew anyway. 

Thane smiled, and reached over to cup her face in his hand. She let her eyes closed and pressed against him so she could feel the strange membrane that joined his middle fingers against her ear. It would be so easy to fall asleep, comfortable and pain-free, but she pushed the temptation away. There was something she had been wanting to take care of and now, with the suicide mission looming, she didn't want to put it off anymore. She leaned forwards and pressed a soft kiss to Thane's forehead, and then got out of bed.

"Shepard?" he asked, sitting up to watch her in confusion as she pulled on a sports bra and underwear. Now that Miranda owed her for saving her sister, she had convinced her to disable the monitoring devices in her bedroom.

"I need to ask something of you," she said without looking at him. She pulled open the bottom drawer of the wardrobe and dipped her hand inside. 

"Anything," Thane said. When Shepard stood again, he had slipped out of bed and into his own underwear. She hadn't even heard him move. 

"It's still creepy how quiet you can be," she said, and Thane dipped his head in a bashful apology. "And… maybe don't be too quick to agree. You haven't heard what I want yet."

"What do you have behind your back?" Thane asked, gently resting his hand on her arm. He didn't want her to notice, but she could tell he was growing suspicious. She swallowed and took her hands from behind her back to show him the knife. 

It was a honed turian blade, used for skinning in traditional wild animal hunts, and Shepard had sharpened it until it rivaled Chakwas' surgical tools. Carefully, Thane took it from her and felt the weight, turning it over in his lightly scaled hands and running a finger along the flat of the blade. 

"This is an impressive blade," Thane said. "What is it you want from me, Siha?" 

Shepard had to turn away from him before she could answer. She watched the way the cool blue light from the fish tank swirled on the floor grating instead and swallowed the lump of fear swelling in her throat before she said anything. "Before Cerberus got their hands on me, before I… died - " she stopped suddenly, but Thane laid a hand on her shoulder to prompt her to continue. "Before I died, I had scars. Different scars. Scars that Cerberus erased." She turned back to him and looked him in the eyes. "I want them back." 

Thane looked from her down to the knife in his hand and then back again.

"Siha, I - "

"I know what you're going to say," Shepard said. "But I'm not me without them. These are marks I got on Elysium, Therum, Ilos, the Citadel. I could have had them removed - hell, Udina offered to pay for the surgery when I got famous so my headshots wouldn't look so off-putting." She took a step towards him and clasped her hand around his wrist. "They're a reminder of everything I've lost. Everything I've fought for. Everything I still fight for."

She stopped and looked at him, pleading, but he shook his head. "You're not lucid, Shepard. My toxins are still in your bloodstream, affecting your judgement."

"I'm not asking this on a whim, Thane," Shepard said softly. "I've been planning this since before we first met."

"Then why ask me?" 

Shepard sighed and let go of his wrist. "Mordin could do it. He probably wouldn't even ask questions. Doctor Chakwas, if I could put up with the psych eval she'd put me through. Or Miranda, she gave me all these new scars." She paused to look at him again, hoping he'd see the truth of it in her blown-out pupils. "But I trust you more than any of them. You're the only one I want to trust my body to. My past. And I know you have the precision and skill to do it. I want it to be you."

Thane was silent for a long time, and Shepard had to bite her lip to resist the urge to beg. He turned the knife in his hands while he considered it - considered her - his eyes on the fine edge of the blue-black blade. Was it sharp enough to slice her skin neatly? Could he wield a blade against a woman he loved? Could he stand to make her bleed?

Finally, he held the knife still. "Where?" he said.

"Thank you, Thane," Shepard breathed. 

She called up her omni-tool and flicked through the images she had prepared. A lot of them came from official Alliance media just after The Battle of the Citadel, but she'd had to use pictures she'd taken herself for the marks her uniform covered. A lot of them had Liara in them originally. 

"Here," she said, enlarging a picture of her leg and rotating it in the air so Thane could see. A pale scar cut along her calf, just below her knee. "This one first." 

He knelt and lifted her leg into his lap. The way he touched her now, examining her skin to find the exact angle for the knife, reminded her of how he had treated her in bed: there was that same methodical, conditioned fluidity to his movements that made her feel so safe. He pressed a kiss to her knee and she closed her eyes briefly. While she was distracted, he slashed the knife quickly across her flesh and she gasped in shock. 

A glancing slice from the beam of a geth ghost energy weapon, that would have destroyed her knee if aimed just a little better.

"I am sorry," Thane said, but Shepard shook her head and lifted her leg out of his grip, tilting it to look at the new wound. Other than the fresh blood trailing down her calf, it looked exactly the way it used to. Exactly the way it should.

"It's perfect," she said. Maybe it was the drell toxins clouding her mind, but other than a dull ache she didn't even feel it. Thane didn't return her smile, but he did nod in understanding. His past was dark and painful too, and Shepard knew if anyone would understand the need to bear a constant reminder of suffering, it would be Thane. She pulled up the next image.

A new Cerberus scar ran from Shepard's sternum to her belly button, where something had been put inside her and sewn up again, but before there had been a long scar that crossed from under ribs to the centre of her stomach. Thane turned the knife into a reverse grip, kissed Shepard lightly where the cotton of her underwear met her skin, and then quickly stood and made his cut.

A knife fight behind a bar, where a batarian slaver had tried to grab a teenage boy.

The cut hurt more, but Shepard didn't care. She ignored the blood too, this time. The first time she had got that wound it had been deep, and the blood was all she could think about. If the batarian hadn't assumed he'd killed her and run off, she was sure she wouldn't have survived. It was good to have the reminder back where it belonged. 

"Another," Shepard said. She had thought she was checking Thane could keep going, but it came out like a demand. 

She was about to try again when Thane took her hand and used it to flip to the next image - a high-resolution shot of her face, from her brief time as the Alliance poster girl. 

"These are the last three," she said, and left the question implied. 

"I understand," Thane said, examining the short scar that traced its way from the side of her neck to her collar bone.

"It stops just here," Shepard said, touching a finger to her own skin and leaving a fingerprint of blood to mark the spot. "I couldn't - " before she could explain that all the topless pictures she still had featured distinctive blue hands on her skin, Thane had slashed her with the knife. 

A shot from a rifle that had pierced her hardsuit. If not for the automatic medigel sealing her skin, she would have bled out in minutes. Liara had been there to see it.

Blood seeped into the cotton of her bra and Shepard nodded.

"This one is important," she said. She was starting to feel a tingle in her fingertips, but she knew the Cerberus implants would keep her from losing too much blood. 

Thane ran the tip of the knife over the image first, tracing the long cut that traveled down from above her left eye, across her face, over her lips, and down to her chin on the opposite side. 

"Siha," Thane whispered. 

"I survived it the first time, and it was much worse than it looks," Shepard said. She wasn't prepared for this to end yet, not when she was so close to being complete again. 

"It will hurt."

"I know." 

"Close your eyes."

Shepard did as she was told, and though she knew the next thing she was going to feel would send her back to that frozen street on Elysium all those years ago, Thane made her feel too safe to care. Instead of the knife, though, he gave her his lips first, pressing them to hers with an urgency he hadn't show her before. She kissed him back, feeling the prickle of the toxin in his saliva spark against her lips. Just as she was wondering if it was intentional - if he was dosing her to keep the pain at bay - the knife interrupted her train of thought.

A spear from kishock harpoon gun, fired from the top of the building next to her, had narrowly missed her head. Instead, it had slashed across her face and turned her skin and muscle to hot pulp. Occasionally she still dreamed about screaming.

Shepard nearly fell to her knees as the sharp pain lanced through her. Unlike the original injury, Thane had deliberately missed her eye, and it was her split-open lips that hurt her the most. Her mouth filled with blood and the iron tang made her feel sick.

"Medi-gel," she managed to burble through the mess, and spat it out as Thane quickly passed the minifacturer of his own omni-tool over her lips, stemming the bleeding in a few seconds. 

"We should stop," Thane said.

"I'm fine," Shepard insisted, a little thickly through her numb lips. "You said it would hurt, and it did." 

Thane had to understand that it was what she needed. None of the pain came close to the agony of the first few weeks of implant adjustment, and she had waged war across the Traverse without anybody even suspecting anything was wrong. The scars Thane was recreating for her had almost ended her on the days she got them, but in the days since they reminded her she was alive. The cuts hurt now, but every single one made her feel lighter. Better. She couldn't explain it to him, but the last one was the smallest of the lot and stopping now would leave her feeling as incomplete as if Cerberus had left off one of her limbs.

Thane sighed and switched the knife to his other hand. "Last one," he said.

"Last one."

This time he didn't try and make it a surprise - the cut was completely straight, which was maybe unsurprising given who gave it to her, and it meant that Thane needed to steady the blade with his other hand, pressing his palm over the back of the knife to keep it in place. Again, Shepard felt the comforting presence of his webbed middle fingers against her ear, and she smiled at him. Finally, he smiled back. Instead of letting him make the cut, Shepard took a sudden step forwards, and felt the knife dig in and slice through.

Saren's mutated corpse had slashed for her head and she had taken a step back just in time. His longest talon raked across her right cheek in a perfectly uniform arc.

Thane dropped the knife and wrapped his arms around her, welcoming her lips on his despite the blood that smeared onto his skin. It was over. She was back. 

"Thank you, Thane," she whispered into his skin, "I know that was hard."

"Anything for you, Siha," he whispered back. They kissed again, but Thane pulled away after far too short a time. "Medigel," he said, and his tone told Shepard that he was not to be argued with. She nodded, and let him take care of her.

The slow application of gel let Thane run his fingers over his handiwork, and Shepard couldn't help but see it as symbolic. He had made her whole again, and now he was healing her old injuries. Making her better. By the end, she was tingling from the drell toxins that had got into her blood when they kissed and she felt warm and delicate from the gentle heat of the medigel. Above all, she felt loved. Thane insisted on taking her to the shower so he could wash of the blood, but she stopped at the fishtank to look at her reflection in the glass.

She looked like she had crawled out of hell, and in a way she had. Blood streaked down her face where the new scars were still a vicious red. It got in her hair and stained her underwear. When she opened her mouth, she could see the stains of red on her teeth. She wondered if this was how she'd looked on Elysium, when they found her broken body. 

It felt good to be herself again.

[evanoxvt]

Having chronic health is a full time job, and is often disabling.

Let's start with the most basic of concepts. A full time job is 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. AKA 40 hours. Chronic health SYMPTOMS are usually 6-7 days a week (because once in a blue moon we get ONE EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD DAY), and are often EVERY WAKING MOMENT, and possibly every sleeping moment too. Sometimes we get a few hour break from our symptoms, but they are generally 24/7.

That in an of itself is far more than a full time job. And we don't get paid for it.

Then you have all the doctor appointments. These take long periods of time, and cost you money. That's a triple negative on your time sheet, you got energy spent on health symptoms, the doctor appointment, AND loosing money you aren't able to make.

So now where do we add in the time for all the little life necessities? It often takes disabled folks much more physical energy and more time to do things like shower or brush teeth because we can get injured and/or fatigued from things like this which normal people do not. Cooking is another time consuming and energy draining task. The amount of time I loose from spending 5 mins cooking instant ramen makes it really not worth it. There's a reason many of us go without food for long periods of time if we do not have a support person doing basic life things for us or with us to ease the burden.

NOW imagine how much MORE energy it takes to do chores, like washing your dishes or laundry. I'm not even talking general cleaning, just the bare necessities here.

Somewhere in there you need the energy to ACTUALLY EAT the food you or someone else made.

If you haven't caught on to the massive amount of energy it takes for us to do these things yet, you probably need to go learn about it elsewhere because I'd like to get to the next portion of this.

We often face medical gaslighting from doctors, and general gaslighting from the rest of the world, especially people who know us well or absolute strangers. People who know you a LITTLE BIT are the most likely to not gaslight you in my experience.

This means for every SINGLE doctor appointment, we have to PROVE there is an issue before we even get to see the doctor.

My most current personal example is meeting my new PCP (of whom I will likely be changing AGAIN due to his fear of dogs and inadequate care related to my service dog being in the room with me). He did a basic physical, looked at my recent labs and test results, and then told me "You are healthy, I cannot find anything wrong with you." That is not acceptable as I was there after having ANOTHER doctor say the same shit when I am getting dizzy constantly, having clear cut tachycardia issues, and having signs of BP issues (debatable on the issues itself). These things, in addition to my medical history AND life-long experiences indicate I very likely have POTS.

POTS is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. This is a autonomic dysfunction condition (falls under dysautonomia). I'm really not the best at explaining this condition, but common symptoms are: Dizziness, I believe both Orthostatic intolerance and orthostatic hypotension, obviously tachycardia (but I've heard you can have bradycardia as well, unsure on that one). POTS is considered a syndrome because it is a conglomeration or group of symptoms and cannot be diagnosed by a single type of test.

I have heard of several tests that can make it much easier to get diagnoses, but even then you may struggle to get diagnosed.

I personally have done an ECG/EKG, as well as a 24hr holter monitor (basically 24hr EKG), and a huge amount of blood tests. At home, I have done a number of tests (specific and random) of both my blood pressure AND my heartrate. This is how I found out that I have abnormal BP and HR.

There was an issue with the day I got the 24hr test done, as I became ill (from doing laundry) and had to lay down for the MAJORITY of the 24 hours. As a result they did not see the tachycardia in the way we needed it to be seen (aka I wasn't standing up enough to get the results to prove the tachycardia).

I have literal videos and pictures PROVING that I have tachycardia and what we believe to be orthostatic intolerance (but could be hypotension....we highly doubt that though). The doctors ignore it because I DID IT. They however will not do the STRICT testing required to prove it. They also won't refer me to the departments required to test these issues.

I was literally sent home with some "homework" by the nurse to get current vitals all weekend long and email them in to prove the issue and request a referral to the blood pressure clinic. Today I spent 40 mins doing this so far. It will actually take longer later today when I do it again because I need to start with laying down for an hour.

Generally you spend 20 mins to do this 'test', but I have to do the version that is comparable to a tilt table test, as my doctors have refused time and time again to give me the test to prove if I have or have not been passing out. Yep, you read that correctly. It turns out I very likely have been passing out for very brief amounts of time but have no way to confirm without tests LIKE a tilt table test.

I'm not the best at working quotes in so take a look at it then I will discuss more.

"Results showed that standing after being supine for 1 hour was at least as good as 10-minute tilt; longer tilts introduced excessive numbers of false positives. Standing HR and BP measurements were taken at 1, 3, 5, and 10 minutes. Thus, standing tests for POTS requires previous supine rest. In our hands, >20 minutes is needed to reach fluid equilibrium."

Reference:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3639459/

This means the original test I was told to do (which took 20 mins) is not as accurate as this one. In the one I've done, which has MORE THAN PROVEN the issue, you lay down for 10 minutes, not 1 hour, take your laying BP, stand and immediately take your BP, wait 2 mins, take BP, wait 3 more mins, take BP, and wait the last 5 minutes to take your BP. Aside from the laying down BP these are done AT minutes 1, 3, 5, and 10 OF STANDING. Overall this is a 20 minute test. While trying to use it in place of a tilt table test you need to add an hour instead of 10 minutes, so it comes out to be 70 mins total.

Now take this morning for example:

I was already laying down for far over an hour since I was awake but not getting up yet (technically I got up a few hours prior to use the restroom and take care of the dog, but I immediately laid back down and multiple hours passes). I took my BP, then did the 10 mins of standing and took those BP's, then did the same thing but while laying for another 10 mins, and finally changed HOW I WAS LAYING to my usual laying position and did 2 in that position, 1 after initially moving and the other after 10 minutes.

So for A SINGLE one of these I spent 40 minutes, and later will have to ADD an hour onto that, JUST SO I CAN PROVE the thing the doctors are ignoring.

Now tell me how spending several hours A DAY on doing 'homework' for your doctor ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE is somehow not A FULL TIME JOB??? If you really thing it isn't you need to get off your high horse. Because this is real and a serious problem.

Disabled folks, like myself, are constantly being told we aren't doing enough or that we need to just try harder, or that we aren't worth it because we don't work, etc. BUT these people saying this cannot even begin to fathom what we go through on a daily basis or how much energy it would take them to simply do our 'homework' for the doctors. Literally, tell me you have a full time job that lets you take nearly 2 hour breaks on a frequent basis to check you BP or to test your heartrate, or to let you lay down and decompress (physically or mentally) or that lets you take frequent breaks for HOWEVER LONG YOU NEED, or that lets you call out sick FREQUENTLY, with anywhere from a decent notice to absolutely no notice, or even having to leave work early because you overestimated your capacity for the day.

Jobs like that DO NOT EXIST. They don't. There are small companies that may allow that, but that would be the one-off exception, and is certainly not easy to find. Jobs like streaming give you the flexibility for all of these accommodations and more, but does not provide you with medical, dental, or even a steady stable income.

So please for the love of all things good in this world, stop treating disabled people like we don't do enough. We shouldn't have to earn the right to EXISTING. We shouldn't have to PROVE that there is an issue to the people expected (and paid) to help us. We shouldn't have to beg for help because the rest of the world has turned their backs on us.

It's ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Be kind. Be understanding. Lend your ear if you cannot do anything else. We work harder than you will hopefully ever have to know.

Thank you all so much for reading this far into my post!!! I don't really feel comfortable with promoting myself but I will use the mental excuse that its almost my birthday so "just do it already FFS".

There are a few ways you can support me, both with and without paying a single cent!

My first link is going to be my throne, where you can safely buy me gifts that are delivered directly to my door! You can get me most kinds of things, and I do sometimes update it to contain alot of fun stuff (especially around holidays). I can received several very helpful health related gifts, and love that my community has shown a desire for my health to be improved in any way possible. This is very heartwarming and really makes me feel seen, heard, and appreciated. You can find anything from streaming stuff, health stuff, dog stuff, and fun stuff on my throne so feel free to browse. I also have some payout items that go to my throne balance for me to spend on whatever I want in case you can't make up your mind.

The second link is my carrd link, which contains a bit more information about me, as well as EVERY POSSIBLE LINK you could want to find to support me. This is where the free support comes in. If you follow me on my socials, youtube, or twitch you will be able to interact with me. As we all know, the world of social media and content creation requires people to interact with you and your content. I will be posting to youtube again soon, but as of right now my most active places are discord (where you can get health updates, live notifications, and just chat and chill with me), twitch (where I stream), and Twitter/X (where I am currently most familiar with posting things).

I appreciate alot of the little things and am unfortunately not the best at expressing it....but I try, and that is kind of the most important part. Again, thank you for reading this far, it really means alot to me.

[cardinaldante]

Greetings siblings of the church. Friday sucked. It's Dante, I see Aether sent a post while I was unfortunately busy. He didn't give me any sort of medicine when we woke up, so I had a headache all day Friday and just decided to alternate between sleeping it off and glaring at him. Today has been much better though!

The Papa's didn't find out I had drunk- Aether said I could tell them if I wanted to, but I wasnt- so this morning I got up and got the work I shoved off yesterday done. A messanger from the Catholic Church came by, and dropped off a letter for me from DeFroque. He asked to meet Sunday after their church service. I didn't know about that. For starters, I couldn't bring any ghouls. Maybe I could bring Phil, but then again, Phil was bound to one of the Papa's, right? Maybe?? I don't know. Two, all of the Papa's would be busy getting ready for Midnight mass Sunday, so none of them would be able to come with me.

However, Papa Copia told me this union between us and the church needed to work, so I agreed to it and sent the messanger back with the note. I know siblings, it's a stupid idea to go by myself, but I don't want to inturupt the Papa's. I got my work finished and headed down to see Phil first. If he was bonded to someone, he couldn't be able to go- Expecially with what happened to me with Aether. But maybe.. He was in his office when I got there, flipping through a bunch of old looking books.

I told him hello, and appologized for not coming to see him sooner. He only waved me off and asked how my leg was doing. I told him it was okay, but I stil struggled to walk. He told me even with PT, I'd probably have to use a cane for the rest of my life, Expecially since the skin never recovered around my ankle. I mean, yeah, I could get surgery to replace the blackened, burnt skin, but there was a very high risk of the doctors at the hospital thinking the church wasn't taking care of me and taking me away. I would rather just walk with a cane. At least I'd be able to get a fancy one.

I asked him if he could come with me to the meeting of the church on Sunday, and he told me he could. He told me that Christianity and holy water and all that didn't work on him at all, since he'd been up here for so long. he asked if I wanted a spell to keep me safe. See, he'd heard what happened from Aether and Papa Copia and Mountain, suprisingly. Mountain rather came with his own story. He told me that there was a spell that could keep me safe from the influence of holy water and blessings. I had heard of that before. Aether had done that spell on me when we went to get the kids. I told him I wanted the spell done.

After that, he gave me a small check up which just consisted of him helping me change the bandages on my ankle, making sure the foot brace was secure, and helping me back in the wheelchair. My crutches were in my room, but I opted for the wheelchair today when my leg started to hurt too much. He asked if I would be at midnight mass, and I told him probably. I don't know though. Honestly, I've been feeling a little self conscious having to wheel around in my wheelchair or walk with the crutches. We have people with disabilities here and I've been getting alot of help from them and other people, don't get me wrong, but... I don't know. I just feel so...

Sorry siblings, I know this isn't what you want to hear from your favourite Cardinal :DD

Anyways, the rest of the day was boring, and I decided to have a sleep over in Aurora's room. Sodo was there this time, which was very suprising. He told me that this was a one time thing and that he was only there because he wanted to sleep next to Aurora. He said that, and then instantly curled into my side after he fell asleep, warming me up. Honestly, he's kinda a bad lier. I wonder if I could get rain to let the kids swim in his lake- after all, they do need swimming lessons, bit honestly, I'd have to beg or something for that. I know damn well he'll whine and complain about it for the longest time.

[mbrainspaz]

I'm stuck in a strange place in the horse industry, different from the strange place I used to be. It's all down to the fact that I snuck in through the service entrance, metaphorically. Also literally. Ever since I finally bought my own horse I've been marginally accepted into the social circle of the barn I work at. I'm still noticeably an outsider but there is a level of respect as a 'fellow horse owner' I didn't experience before. Horse ownership isn't a direct ticket to that respect because you can easily be written off as a Bad horse owner if you're no good at it. That's worse than not being a horse owner. I seem to have passed that bar at least.

The next hurdle to acceptance is being seen as a competent rider, and that's a doozie. To be seen as a competent rider you have to pay for gear and lessons and trainers. I have some talent and some skill left over from the sporadic lessons my parents paid for when I was a teenager, but my reputation definitely suffers from the 10 year gap where I could barely afford to touch a horse and from my low status as a stable hand. I used to be a barn manager, was supposed to still be a manager, but that's a tangent.

A nearby barn recently reached out to me with an opportunity to be a trainer and I tried to just roll with it. They saw two videos of me riding and immediately wrote me off. It's so frustrating. Whatever. Stupid job probably had shit pay anyway, AND they had ties to the same damn white supremacists I've been trying to get away from ever since I moved out here. Ugh. Don't even get me started on that rot.

I still want to improve. I just can't afford a trainer who could help me at my riding level and at my age. There's a difference between a $45 kids' lesson and a $150 dressage lesson. Even if I wanted to throw my housing savings fund away I can't just go out and pick a trainer who does $150 lessons. It doesn't help that a bunch of the trainers who saw me doing my best to ride (after 10 years of not riding) immediately dismissed me as 'not worth their time' and have refused to teach me even if I could afford them. I've been working to improve for a year on my own but I can't seem to get that respect back no matter where I look. It's so frustrating it makes me want to scream into my saddle pad. I'm SORRY I'm not another rich brat who had easy access to everything they ever needed to succeed in this stupid bougie industry. I'm sorry my saddle is trashy, my riding pants are hand-me-downs, and my boots are the ones I got for my 12th birthday. Sorry I'm a bit disabled and my horse is old. I'm doing my best. That doesn't matter. I feel like I'll never escape being seen as the local peasant who, at best, gets pats on the head for trying.

A respected German trainer saw me riding the other day and had a lot of good things to say. I know I've improved and gotten back to a decent level. Did I understand what the hell he was saying while he was praising me? Barely. He had no interest in actually training me either.

I've heard of success stories where poor riders were taken on as proteges by trainers who put them on paths to successful riding careers. That's how one of my former bosses supposedly made it. But I'm already too old for that to ever happen, even if it were a reasonable thing to hope for. And who knows how honest those 'success stories' really were about their struggles. Sometimes you'll hear a story about a rider who beat the odds and it's like, 'their family only had ONE mansion.'

Honestly ever since I realized I was doomed to be labelled An Outsider at like age 16 I've loathed their exclusive insider club bullshit so much that I don't even want in. I just want to be allowed to ride and learn to ride better, and they're still gatekeeping that from me. All it would take is for one person with a little bit of pull in the industry to see me and believe in me. Never gonna happen.

I haven't even addressed the existence of the class of non-bougie horse owners here. There's another, less respected path into the industry that is 'being poor but having parents who own a piece of land where they live in a leaky trailer but still have horses.' I don't even have that level of respect as a first time horse owner. Those kids who were poor but raised with horses are the only ones who actually seem to have a chance. I'm totally lost somewhere between those people and the rich kids who had it all given to them. My parents paid for a few lessons but hated horses and, I found out much later, actively worked to sabotage any social progress I made because they didn't want me to go down what they saw as the spoiled horse brat pipeline. Mission accomplished I guess.

I'm stuck between floors on this elevator ride and nobody is coming to help me.

At least I'm stuck in the metaphorical elevator with my horse. He's the only reason I've stuck it out this long.

When he's gone I'll probably ditch this dream and this stupid snobby industry for good and never look back.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

In my city (over 1mil people if you count the metro area), there are 5 main homeless shelters. There are a handful of others, but they're small and more choosy with who gets in.

Of the 5 main shelters, only one doesn't require Sunday services. That single shelter that doesn't require attending church still wants you to verbally say you've converted. If you don't follow these requirements, you're out.

Of the 5 main shelters, none of them allow you to return past 8pm or leave before 6am. If you do, you're no longer allowed in that shelter. If your bus breaks down on your way back, it's back to the streets.

Of the 5 main shelters, only one has any real oversight during nights, and it's city cops who probably resent having to be there. The others have an unpaid volunteer who sits at a desk and is supposed to make sure no one is being assaulted or stolen from or dying, but is usually just a volunteer from whichever church runs the place who sits in a closed room and watches TV.

Of the 5 main shelters, none are disability or child friendly. If you're in a wheelchair, you have to hope someone around you can help you down to your cot on the floor at night, or help you piss when you go to use the non-handicapped stalls. If you have a child, that child is instantly taken from you (from birth to the day before they're 18) and they only let you have custody back if you manage to pull yourself out of extreme poverty. I imagine you do this via the bootstraps method?

Of the 5 main shelters, not a one gives people privacy. At best, you get a ratty old sheet draped across a wire to give yourself the illusion that you're not 2ft away from the next guy. Most just had mats or blankets on the floor and that's that.

I have talked to tons of homeless people in my day. Especially those who are homeless due to untreated mental illness. It's like random schizophrenic people can sense that I'm like them but have just been lucky enough to be able to force myself to hold together and not let the brain demons win. If that makes sense. Anyway. Across the board, I've heard people say they'd rather be in the streets than suffer through sleeping in a shelter. Even in the dead of winter. It was 13 degrees outside early this year and I'm trying to tell this woman sleeping under a bridge that I can take her wherever she needs to go (though I don't make the kind of money that would allow me to book her a hotel room, and I have no space in my apartment) and she told me she'd rather freeze to death than go to a shelter for the night. Or a knew a man once who had finally managed to get himself a job, but the job wanted him to be there at 5am and the shelter wouldn't change when they let him leave, so he had to go back to the streets and lost the job because he then had no address. Or another guy I ran into frequently who knew how to fix shit, but had a really bad meth problem, who would dig through dumpsters for broken electronics and small motor items and fix them for cash; he said it was less dangerous to sleep in the ditch between two highways because no one ever stole from him there, whereas any time he was in a shelter people would steal the stuff he was working on and no one would help and would focus too much on 'you're on meth again huh?'

That being said, there are various churches and nonprofits here who do a good job. There's an organization I worked with for a little while that takes single mothers off the streets, gives them a home, helps pay their legal fees so they get their kids back (if applicable), and gives them free childcare. The only downside is they expect you to have a job to sustain your family within 5 years, but they also have a program that allows the mothers to go to school for free for 2 years. There's also a church that has a creepy basement that they've outfitted with small rooms that they'll allow people to stay in so long as they don't cause trouble. But they only have about 10 beds, so there's not a lot they can do. Or I recently delivered groceries to a lady in a shelter that runs out of an old school. I think they said they have 100 rooms and are geared towards homeless people who want to get off drugs but don't have the resources to do so on their own. They give you up to a year to break your addiction, they give you space for relapses, and they allow people to stay there up to 3 years. If you feel like staying past your 3rd year (which I was told a lot of people do because you form such strong bonds with one another in a place like that), they charge you regular market price for a studio apartment.

But, sadly, the norm is horrible and unsafe conditions, unless you're like the biggest guy there. Staff at most shelters don't care. They don't consider those there to be people. And the few that do can't do much because those places are already so fucked up that one single person can't change much.

I've had this idea for years that, if I ever somehow had tons of cash, I'd buy up one of the dozens of empty warehouses in the city and convert them to studio apartments for the homeless. Just enough space for a bed, closet, kitchen, and bathroom. A place to restart safely. Have full time mental health staff available if anyone needs them. Locate it someplace near bus lines so it's easy to hop on the bus and go. Encourage people to try to get back on track but don't enforce it; rather, focus on building healthier habits overall, whether it's drinking less or not self sabotaging or being better about taking your meds, etc. The idea is to go about it from a mental health perspective instead of the usual, which is just focused on "ew these gross people live on the streets, put them in a building someplace." I think the only requirements I'd want is to check on daily so people know you're safe and a no violence policy.

Anyway. If someone has 5.6mil on hand, I live in a city with a homeless population that like doubles every year due to the ridiculous price of housing.

Also, like, I'm sorry but if you've set up a free shelter, and people refuse to go because sleeping on the sidewalk under a freeway bridge is more pleasant, that's fucking on you, that's not on them.

You really can't compete with sleeping under the overpass so you are going to force people into shelter?

Unspeakably cruel and stupid.

[fuzzypuppybuddie]

Aye I need to vent

For the first time in a while I genuinely don't know what the future will be and I'm scared... and sad

I want to go to university we already payed half of the matricula but I don't think I'm gonna be able to because of well... lack of money

The money I was able to get by comissions it's gonna have to go to debts & groceries

Damn I don't even have enough for groceries I was finally able to get enough to pay one (1) debt

Everything it's so expensive here... it's crazy

When I was 16 I used to save the money I was gonna use for public transport walking to school to buy two cola cans for me and my friend for $50 pesos... $25 each one

Now I'm 18 and a one. single. candy's $40-$60

And soda cans are $1.200

If you want to buy enough groceries for a month you have to pay like $90.000 pesos minimum, probably more, definitely more (Those are like- 85 dolars or sm I think). Finding something that costs less than $1.000 on a supermarket it's so rare for me now

You need credit cards and long enough you will have cards debts because your salary will never be enough to cover all of this stuff right away

Public transport... oh well the buss is $600

I don't have to buy fast food burgers after school anymore those are $10.000 now. The hotdogs in other place are $2.700 tho.

Light, water- They're more and more expensive every month I've heard a neighbor got one million to pay of light

I don't have natural gas here so we have to buy a gas tank every month. You used to find variety of prices but our precious president decided it would be soooooooo silly and funny if he erased the price limit you can legally sell these things so now a small thank cost like $40.000 that's soooo funnyyyyy :)

So we have to make the house warm using firewood too... the meter it's so expensive but you can't warm a house with one single meter that's crazy thinking you need 3 but also 4 because what are you gonna do when you finally use it all? Buy more?? Right away??? It's too expensive!! You need to get enough to have it saved in case you can't buy more the next month

You can't use electrical calefaction that thing uses too much energy and lights already expensive enough as it is. You have to check that out too because it's common for companies to charge you services you never asked for...

Public school's don't get enough financiation the things are falling down the breakfast can vary from one cup of tea & bread with butter to a single cup of liquid yogurt so now your tired and hungry and sad. The teacher's are stressed out and get paid miserably or not at all. The public universities are in sooo much danger too.

And I'm scared we're so scared but we still need to pay the god damn card debts the one before tomorrow the one before December the one before January.

My mom's gonna loose her job. They knew this day will come just not... NOW. They thought it would be next year at least... to get time to make a plan, time to search for other jobs... not just- right now

They're disabling afip

I don't think I'm gonna be able to go to university soon

I just want a chocolate bar but why would I waste money on that

I feel so pathetic

[copperbadge]

Just in case you haven’t stumbled across this fact elsewhere, you should be aware that pharmacies are often out of adderall and it has nothing to do with the pandemic. Or, at least, it USUALLY has nothing to do with the pandemic.

My understand is that there are multiple and fluctuating reasons for this, all stemming from the fact that the drug is highly regulated, and—yes—all of them at the expense of the people who actually need the meds. That said, the most consistent explanation I’ve received from more than one pharmacist over the years is that they’re limited in the number they can actually stock at a time, and demand exceeds that quota.

Yes, this is rage inducing. It’s also been a problem since the early aughts and I don’t see it going away, though it’s improved somewhat.

I recommend talking to your pharmacist and finding out whether this is a consistent problem at your pharmacy specifically. It can also help to have your psychologist reach out to your pharmacy ahead of time and confirm the meds are available—if not, there may be a generic available that they can prescribe instead. You can also see whether it’s possible to get your prescription a few days early, just in case.

Yeah there are some yikesy stories in my comments about access to Adderall and the other stimulant-side drugs for ADHD. It does seem to be a combination of "can't stock much at once" and "can't refill your prescription for you until two days before it needs it" and "But so like...are you an addict?" It's the typical bar to entry that people with disabilities face getting medication -- which I was prepared for, given I know people who struggle to get their meds each month and I've handled a lot of RFM issues surrounding them as well. I was honestly braced to spend several days getting that initial prescription filled, I was shocked when it just...went through.

In multiple ways I'm fortunate -- I don't face physical access issues, and I've spent long enough without the meds that I'm capable of wrangling the prescription without having to be ON the prescription. Like, I was actually able to fairly easily call the pharmacy about the length of delay, and that seemed to spur them into locating at least sixty of the little blue fuckers. I am also a middle class white guy in my forties, so I don’t get profiled as drug-seeking. 

I've booked out my psych appointments so that I'll generally see him on day 32 of a 30 day prescription, and my diagnosis is mild enough that there are days where I feel the meds wearing off and go "Well, I'm ok without the second dose" so even my first 30-day supply lasted me 40 days. Next session I may speak to him about the automated mailed-to-home service that his clinic is partnered with and if that would simplify matters -- a genuine question given the recent scandals about some of those services overprescribing.

The most common thing I've heard -- here and from other people outside of tumblr -- is that a lot of people have convinced their prescriber that they need a slightly higher dose than they do, so they can get a 30-day supply of 20mg doses and split them, thus turning it into a 60-day supply of their actual dose which they can stockpile. Which is ripe for a satirical novel of some kind, because while none of the people I'm talking to are addicts, they're forced to behave like addicts in order to maintain a consistent supply of a necessary disability aid. I don't think I'm the one to write it -- at any rate, not yet -- but there's content in the idea of our cultural fear of addiction being so epic and hallucinatory that we actually force people into addictive behaviors because you can't exist as a disabled person within the letter of the law.

[sirfrogsworth]

Home again, home again, jiggety-jig.

Dad has been home for almost a week now. I knew there would be adjustments and adaptations, but I wasn't really sure what to expect with him home. And I will admit, the first two days were really hard and I was having my doubts about whether I could help him in the ways he needed.

The very first night... he fell.

He was testing his newfound independence and tried to pick up a towel he dropped. This was an extremely scary moment. I've installed little cameras all over the upstairs so I can check in on my parents and make sure they are okay without using up my energy going up and down the stairs all the time. I heard the thunk and checked the camera and saw him lying face down on the floor. My mind was racing with all the horrible things that could imply. I think I might have actually run to see if he was okay. I haven't run in years.

Thankfully he was okay, but getting him back up was another matter.

He stubbornly kept trying a bunch of different things to get back up. And ignoring my suggestion of hugging me so I could use my entire body to lift him—rather than just my arms. I'm not as beefy as I was 20 years ago.

Once all of his ideas bore no fruit, he finally agreed to try it my way. He assumed the hugging position and in one motion I used every muscle in my body to lift him straight up and into a chair. It felt a bit like those stories you hear of mothers lifting cars to save their children. But this was more utilizing a kinematic chain so more of my muscle groups could contribute to lifting him. And thank god it worked.

After that, we made a new rule. If he has any doubts that he can do something, he will *not* do that thing. And that has been working out ever since. Hopefully he will remember this rule because my mom sure gave him a talking-to during and after this incident.

Her talking-tos are something to be avoided if you can help it.

Our next obstacle was figuring out how to get him to and from dialysis. He needs to go 3 times per week. Unfortunately there weren't any transportation services that suited our needs. Our social worker told us to "just use Uber." Which, even though the place is literally less than 2 miles away, would cost over $400 per month. Our insurance was just about as useless. My dad doesn't have Medicaid. We could do this call-a-ride service, but he may end up riding around for 45 minutes to go 2 miles.

It's kind of terrible how hard it is to get a disabled person 2 miles to treatment.

AMERICA!

Finally, we checked out the drive on google and decided it was only 2 mostly empty streets. My mom still has her license and so she practiced driving for a few days and we felt comfortable that she could make this extremely short trek. And I'm probably going to get my license soon so I can just take him. I'm a good driver, but don't do well with long car rides. I get carsick and *very* tired, so I never renewed my license. I also don't trust my reaction time on the highway. I can do 2 miles of empty streets though. I'm just not looking forward to retaking the test like a teenager.

We kind of drive as a team. We make sure no cars are coming and when we are all sure it's safe, we go. It has been working well and I feel it is safe. And it feels safer every time we do it. It really is an extremely easy drive, so we are thankful for that. We would have been in a pickle if there was highway driving involved.

Going to dialysis has been a group activity. My dad can walk short distances around the house, but I need to wheel him in and out of the facility. We got a fold-up wheelchair after my grandma passed away and that thing has been invaluable. Fits right in the trunk. It's super lightweight and easy to operate.

But coming home the first night tested us again.

We have two steps that you must climb to get into the house from our garage.

Dad made it up the first one, but the second one was just too high and he struggled to lift his leg enough to clear it. Eventually, he ran out of strength and kind of slinked to the ground. I tried to keep him up but I just couldn't hold him. He ended up sitting on the ground in the corner of the garage. I was very tired at that point and he was in an awkward position. My hug lift technique was not going to work this time. My mom started naming people we knew that maybe we could call to help lift him back up. But it seems all our nearby friends are elderly.

I kept saying, "We need to call EMS. We need to call EMS." They were apprehensive about this. Not entirely sure why. I guess they didn't feel like this was a real emergency. My dad was completely fine. He wasn't injured. He was just exhausted from dialysis and couldn't make it up the stairs. Totally understandable. I explained this is exactly why emergency services exist. They have "service" right in the name. So finally they conceded and I called 911.

Despite our insistence on the phone this was not an urgent emergency, an ambulance and 2 police cars showed up and 8 people poured out of the vehicles. I'm wondering if they were all bored or something.

In any case, two young men lifted my father up like he was made of feathers and got him back into his wheelchair. Then they lifted his wheelchair over the steps into the house. Problem solved. We thanked the EMS folks and they went on their way. They seemed happy to help and it wasn't a big deal at all.

But we needed to figure out what to do about the steps for next time.

Back when Otis was around and struggling to walk up and down stairs, my bestie Katrina bought us a ramp for him to access the yard from our backyard deck.

Much like my grandma's wheelchair came in clutch, it seems Otis's ramp became similarly invaluable. Like he is still looking out for us.

I set the ramp back up on the deck and tested it with the empty wheelchair and it just barely cleared. This would eliminate my dad needing to go up steps directly after having dialysis. It has been working great so far. Though I have to pop a wheelie with the wheelchair to get the front wheels on the ramp. It's a bit like a very short amusement park ride for my dad. I then roll him up the ramp and he can easily enter the house via the back door.

WE ARE MOTHERFLIPPIN' PROBLEM SOLVERS.

We are also having my engineer brother redesign the steps in the garage. Instead of 2 steps, I have requested he make 4 half-height steps.

I sent him this highly technical engineering drawring...

This will help both of my parents as they have struggled to go up and down those stairs for quite some time. I'm not sure why we didn't think to put in shorter steps a long time ago.

So... our first 2 days were bumpy.

But once we figured out limitations, adaptations, and solutions to the circumstances, we started building a routine.

We figured it out.

And since those first couple of days we have been getting better and better at helping my dad live comfortably at home.

I'm sure new problems will arise as time goes on. But I am much less anxious now that we have conquered these initial ones.

[quinnnfabrgay-writes]

sorry for the not so funny, ha-ha commentary coming y'alls way

alright, i'ma preface this by saying i obviously had a different experience, i was never combat, i never had to witness people dying or had to be the one to do the job - i was a signals analyst so my job was pretty cush compared to what other people were doing in the military

but i'm at the part where Dave is giving his speech in the kitchen, and boy oh boy is he hitting the nail on the head, i'll keep the rest under a cut because i'm about to rant

do i agree with Dave's actions? no, obviously murder is bad, and the susan scene broke my heart (but this is a movie so whatever)

but the military chews you up and spits you out no matter what Rate or MOS you had

they tell you that you're a part of "the brave 1%" (when in actuality most people join because this country is fucked and people need a way out of their "dead-end" lives - exactly why i joined)

it's job security, you can't get fired in the traditional sense - you either retire, voluntarily separate, or get kicked out (discharged) and to get discharged is still a whole fucking process for the military

but if you have insignificant fuck-ups they're quick to remind you that you're replaceable, that you're just a dime a dozen, nothing special about you, that there are plenty more people lining up to replace you (biggest lie i've ever heard, wanna know why the standards keep getting lowered? nobody wants to join the chucklefuck brigade anymore)

but if you do want to voluntarily separate at the end of your contract, they make you jump through fucking hoops to do so, and they're quick to change their tune - plenty of times i was told "man, it's always the good ones that leave" y'all fucking wonder why??? or you'll have the jaded ones telling you that you're making a mistake, that you're not going to find anything or be anything outside of the military so you might as well serve until you retire

"You need a job? Good luck. You need medical insurance? See the VA. See, one day you're an asset. The next, you're a fucking afterthought."

Now, I will say there are a lot of resources out there to help transitioning members find a job, but the job market is fucked so there's that

Y'all should have heard the cackle that came out of me at the VA line, because jesus mary and joseph is it a pain to get anything done through the VA - especially when it comes to disability. you sit there and rehash your traumas and all the ways the military fucked you up physically, mentally, and emotionally and you could get denied because they could decide it wasn't service related, even with proof (just from what i've seen happen to some people, my claim is still just sitting there, the fucking claims process is a hell of its own)

i'm honestly starting to forget my point here - i do feel for Dave, i hold the dual beliefs that there needs to be better care for Veterans while also still believing that the military institution as a whole should be disbanded

even if what happened to me didn't happen while i served, i would still feel the same way, there's no fucking point to the military besides sticking our noses in other countries business where we don't belong and traumatizing every single person who signed up

okay... rant over, if anyone made it this far you are a saint, here's some pedro tax

i was really hoping to use my day off to get some writing done, but seeing as how i'm running off of 3 hours of sleep, it feels next to impossible 🙃

so i'm finally getting around to watching The Equalizer 2, wish me luck ✌🏻