#when alicent is literally right there?

[saltywinteradult]

say what you will about rhaenicent but d@emyra having more than twice as many fics on ao3 is proof we have failed as a society

[lunamond]

Really interesting how many people jump on the confirmed Alicole sex scene as an opportunity to call out Criston for his hypocrisy and lack of honour.

I don't know if these people have read Asoiaf. But I think a kingsguard who secretly has an affair with a queen, served a (2) king(s) he hates and has a really complicated relationship with honour sounds like a great character.

[iheartmoons]

considering i used to be the literally NO. 1 FAN of nobleflower like a year ago, i feel very bad for not finishing my hollywood fic... especially since i hyped it up. i know it probs won't get any readers if i start posting abt it now, BUT after i finish ddtk, this'll def be the next marauders fic that i work on finishing (since i literally have the ENTIRE plot planned out?? thank u past me for cutting all the work out <3)

[hiyyihrts]

the fact that people will willfully ignore all of the queer related topics and struggles the young teenage characters of heartstopper talk about/touch on while being explained in a manner that people of all ages can understand in favor of obsessing over the ‘lack of sex’ in the show genuinely baffles me. Idk how you view this show and come away stark raving mad over a coming of age queer show for young adults.

[aromanticasterisms]

this whole epilogue is just a little treat for me oh my god. "familiar faces arrive in simulanka" does not even begin to cover it

[imaginarianisms]

🖤 (from desmond!!)

attractiveness:

repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.

personality:

grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive (when necessary in order to protect her as her sworn sword) / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.

how likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now (the Pain of being married & being a queen & wanting to be a good role model for your children & ur sworn sword is a kingsguard) / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.

level of friendship:

never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends / my only friend.

first impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

current impression of them:

i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.

send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING.

[sukibenders]

Listen, and I say this as a Rhaenicent fan, but seeing some on Twitter going "Alicent would never hurt Rhaenyra like that," or "But if she were with Alicent..." really has me shaking my head because, really? That's what you thought coming out of this episode?

[puthyflapps]

And then her nasty, no-good, demon boyfriend said this was a dress for whores and sluts

[datastate]

also unpictured on that is reko & her father thank you goodbye

[loserboyfriendrjl]

she wore a white dress that day. it was elegant and silver stars were sewn in it. her blonde hair was cascading down her back, a thin silver necklace around her neck, her engagement ring on her finger, glowing on her sleeved hands, her veil covering her face.

delicately taking a hold of it, narcissa pulled it over her head and looked at herself. silver dusted against her eyelids, her eyelashes long against her cheeks, her lips soft and full, two strands of hair framing her face beautifully. she was older now, she was going to do what she had to do.

but was it what she wanted to do? she was beautiful, undeniably; but how could she feel beautiful if it was not alice waiting for her, if it was lucius to whom she would declare her undying love?

this was it, though. she had written the end of it herself. alice's lips had been bitter with regret and salty with tears the last time they kissed. all it took was one last, regretful "i love you", one last "this is for the better of us, alice, my love" (although neither wanted that, although all that narcissa ever wanted was to run away with her; they had talked about the possibility oh, so many times) and they had ended, parted ways, as easily as that; an ugly betrayal on narcissa's part, an ache of alice's heart.

she knew that, when she would step down the hall, her mother would be waiting for her. her mother, who she had been so scared to disappoint, would want her to make her family proud. her father would want her to carry on the name of her; narcissa, such a beautiful name, riddled with the selfishness of narcissus himself, however; but narcissa had been selfish too, hadn't she?

but what about what she wanted? had she had a choice, she would tear away her dress and smear her makeup and run through the august rain, maybe she would find alice again. maybe she could stop lying to both of them, maybe she would kiss alice again, and she'd taste like honey and love, real love. maybe they would be happy, at last.

maybe in another life. because this time, narcissa set her hand on the doorknob and, glancing one last time back to the life she could have had, she opened the door, hoping that, maybe, alice would be the one waiting for her.

but alice had long forgotten her. regret was bitter on narcissa's tongue; their story had been bound to have an unhappy ending, hadn't it? because they never wrote stories about them; narcissa had signed her name that wasn't hers, an anonymous author of another book that wouls be forgotten, one day.

[ozlices]

o..........oh..................oh no..........ough the scene w his friends at the beginning hits so different after. Kn owing. th ings. OUCHIE

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Polyship Week, Day Four: Soulmates (Soulmate AU)

Day Four of Valicer Polyship Week, courtesy of @polyshipweek, and we’re up to the “Soulmates” prompt -- which, of course, inspired me to bust out my Soulmate AU idea! The idea behind this world is that it’s one where you can have a) platonic as well as romantic soulmates and b) multiple soulmates, and Victor, Alice, and Smiler are all each other’s soulmates. Victor and Smiler met first, fell in love, discovered they had a THIRD soulmate when they realized neither of them tried to slit their wrists before they met (extreme emotions and injuries can be transferred between soulmates even before meeting -- meaning Alice’s attempt to gouge herself with the spoon in Rutledge got them too), and ended up running away to London together when Victor’s parents tried to force him into an arranged marriage he didn’t want and Smiler’s father tried to send them away to rural Lithuania to keep them away from Victor. We pick up here with Victor at the Whitechapel Market, about to meet his other soulmate in a very Victorish way. . .

---

All right – just a few things to pick up, and then I can finally go home and tell Smiler all about how boring my day was. Let’s see. . .carrots. . .potatoes. . .do I want some apples? Do I want these apples specifically. . .hmm. Maybe I’ll wait and come back on a, um, fresher day. . .but oh, I should definitely get some – “Oh!”

Victor jolted as he turned toward the butcher, only to collide with someone coming the other way. He stumbled backward a handful of steps as his unfortunate victim – a young, dark-haired lady in black-and-white, almost but not quite as colorless as all the people he’d left behind in Burtonsville – hit the cobbles. “I-I-I am so s-sorry,” Victor babbled, reaching automatically for his tie before recalling his manners and instead using his free hand to offer a lift up to the woman. “I w-wasn’t looking where I-I was going, and – I’m – I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” the woman said, shaking her head slightly. “I wasn’t really looking where I was going either, if I’m honest.” She reached back for him, accepting the hand up. “I’m glad you at least have the manners to apologize–”

Said Alice.

Victor gasped softly as, just for a moment, the world was suffused in a golden glow. Oh my God – it’s her! It’s her, she’s the one, she’s – she’s Alice Pleasance Liddell, born May 4th, 1855 – the same age as Smiler and me! That makes things easier. . .and she loves cats and rabbits, and her favorite food is strawberry cake, though she’ll eat any cake that’s presented to her – ha, same – but she doesn’t actually like candy all that much, and she likes to draw but she’s currently not very good – currently? – and she’s got a whole fictional realm called Wonderland that she made up when she was seven, and –

And she lost her entire family to a house fire about ten years ago, and she spent the latter half of her childhood in Rutledge Asylum. . .which would explain –

And that was when Alice, who’d been gawking at him with the prettiest green eyes he’d seen since meeting Smiler, yanked her hand out of his and bolted down the street.

“Wha – wait!” Victor took a step after her, arm raised, but she ignored him, instead darting down a side alley. He watched her disappear from sight, emotions all aswirl. Alice Liddell – the only survivor of the Liddell fire! That’s who we’re – who would have guessed that I would have just literally run into her in this part of London! Shouldn’t she be in Oxford? Then again, she can’t have been expecting to meet me here. . .what did she get from me, I wonder? What made her react like that? Did – did she not like what she saw? No, that can’t be it, she hasn’t rejected the bond, she’s just. . .she’s scared, that’s what it is, she’s scared to actually face me, to know I’m real. . .

A wave of puzzled concern washed over him then, as if from an invisible bucket – though, frankly, Victor was surprised it had taken Smiler this long to notice the chaos within him. He sent back a complicated mix of feelings that he hoped indicated “I’ll be home in a moment,” threw some money at the potato lady, then shot down the street, back to the two-up he shared with his beloved. Smiler met him at the door, steering him inside with a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?” they asked, no preamble, worry clear in their gaze.

“I found her,” Victor replied, dropping the bag of groceries on their little kitchen table.

“Her?”

“You know – her.” Victor pulled back his right sleeve, revealing the faint scar across his wrist. The scar mirrored on Smiler’s left – and which neither of them had cut into their skin. “Our third. Our – our other soulmate.”

--

[bylertruther]

the rod imagery is fucking awful and makes me want to drive one through my own head but like. but like........... good lord i tell you what brother it absolutely does fuck SEVERELY every time 😔🫡

[dulcewrites]

Hey, just wanted to say thank you for being one of the few writers that writes Aemond centric fics without feeling the need to bash the living daylight out of Aegon. It’s always so frustrating to see most fic writers drag Aegon through the dirt ten times over to make Aemond seem more likable.

no problem!

I do try to walk a very… delicate line with how I write/discuss Aegon. Because though I think it is fair to dissect the disparities between how narratives were set up, at least in s1 (Aegon vs Rhaenyra, team black vs team green, Alicent vs Rhaenyra), I do not want to slip into rape apologia territory. Which unfortunately, and I don’t think people are trying to but impact and intent aren’t the same, I do feel like a lot of people trying to ‘defend’ Aegon or just make sense of the choices the writer/producers made end up doing. It is entirely possible to write/discuss his character true to form without either erasing the bad parts (even before the events of ep 8) or exacerbating them.

Honesty, one of the reasons why it’s hard for me to continue with my Aegon centric work that I never feel like I have a good handle on his character. I try to do the characters justice and I’m annoying about my shit always, and it’s made worse when I can’t characterize someone right. It’s something I’m working on slowly but surely

[that-house]

Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

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I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

[alwritey-aphrodite]

Truly believe that the only way anyone is Team Green is because they think the actors are more attractive