#when I’m good I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m better

[yelenasbraid]

none of the bullshit — joe burrow

summary — you’re an athletic trainer with the bengals. joe’s taken a liking to you.

warnings — fem!reader, fluff, some good ol’ banter, implied smut, language, i sort of know what i’m talking about pls don’t come for me

tags — @wickedfun9 @softburrow @starsinthesky5 @joeburrowshaircurl @joeyfranchise @willowsnook @ebsmind @iosivb9 @blairsworld22 @kazsbrckkers

IT WAS COLD. Earlier, you were begging for the colder weather. The summer heat was no joke, but now, the colder winters were biting. You stood out on the practice field, layered up as best you could, keeping your eye on the players.

You were an athletic trainer for the Bengals, a damn good one you’d add. You had to put up with a lot of bullshit over the past couple of years, especially with a certain quarterback.

flashback to the summer

“This is the third time I’ve done this, Y/N. How is this helping me get anywhere?” Joe was frustrated. You’ve asked him to throw the ball the exact same way, three different times. It was his first time throwing after his injury and you were being cautious.

“You want to get out there and snap your wrist again?” You shot back, the summer heat beating down on the both of you. You didn’t have time for his complaints or his nonsense.

“No, but throwing ten yards isn’t going to do much,”

“You think I’m stupid? I know that. It’s called we’ll get there,” you chirped. His attitude was warranted, only sometimes. He saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but he thought it was closer than it really was. He also hated that you were right. Your wit has kept him sane, if he were to be honest with himself. It’s pushed him to be better, to do better.

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he shook his head, going to throw the ball again.

End of flashback

You’ve watched Joe excel, watched as his wrist strengthened as he climbed the charts to be one of the best quarterbacks in the league. It was a thrill to see, even from the perspective of a witty athletic trainer.

“Cold?” you turned your head to watch a red-nosed Joe walk up to you.

“No, I’m actually sweating right now,” you sarcastically quipped, “yes I’m cold,”

“Sorry I asked,” Joe quipped, but a smirk painted his lips. He loved messing with you, mainly to see your pink cheeks and your smirk. As much as he messed with you, the feelings he had for you were very real. Having feelings for an athletic trainer wasn’t on his bingo card for the year, but here he was, never being able to pull himself from you. There was just something so magnetic about you.

“And you’re out here in shorts,” you scoffed, seeing the hoodie/jersey combo and the shorts he wore. He looked like he was taking a walk in the park when it was 50 degrees outside. It was below 30.

“It’s the high metabolism,” he came to stand next to you. He was much taller than you, and while he adored the height difference, he was well aware you could kick his ass.

“I think it’s the cockiness getting to you,” you muttered, earning a scoff from Joe.

“Wow,” he laughed, “I’ll make sure to put your name in for most supportive athletic trainer of the year,”

“Thanks, I deserve it,” you chuckled, looking up at him. He would agree with you; you did deserve it. Through his injury, the bullshit he put you through, you deserved some type of award. He wanted to be the one to give it to you, to see your face soften and your eyes widen.

“Yeah, you do,” he admitted, turning his face away from looking at you. There was a buzz between you, and you looked over at him. You watched as his breaths came out in puffs, how his cheeks, ears and nose were painted red. He wasn’t bad to look at, but you to remind yourself that you couldn’t indulge in those feelings. You’d lose your job.

You turned back to the field, feeling your heart slam against your chest. Now you were warm, your palms sweaty and your cheeks red. One of the coaches blew the whistle, signaling the end of the break and the beginning of the second half of practice.

—

Your cheeks were rosy, and you were warmer at the end of practice. You threw with Joe some more, gave him some strengthening techniques, and continued on with the banter that usually came from you both.

You grabbed your things, including a practice bag, and hoisted it on your shoulder. You looked back at Joe, who was standing with Ja’marr and Tee, a laugh spilling from his lips. He looked so cozy, so relaxed, and you couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter.

You looked away, shaking your head. It wasn’t going to happen. You were an athletic trainer and he was a player, not just any player, the star player. You walked off of the field, a pep in your step as you started towards the facility.

“Boo,” you heard a voice in your ear, making you jump. You snapped your head over, and saw the towering quarterback next to you.

“Asshole,” you shoved him, your heart slamming in your chest from his scare and from him.

“Oh come on, you’re just a lil jumpy,” he teased. He liked seeing you all riled up, but he wasn’t stupid. He respected you enough to stop when you asked, or even when your body language betrayed you.

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes, walking next to him. He kept his pace with yours, even though it was slower due to the height difference.

As he walked next to you, he felt his stomach tie itself into knots. He usually didn’t get nervous; he was confident enough in his abilities to focus. But now? He faltered. You were beautiful, in every way, and the way you handled his antics just made his feelings ten times stronger for you.

“You’re uncharacteristically quiet,” you hummed as you walked with him. The silence that was between you was tense, and it buzzed with unsaid feelings. What those feelings were, you couldn’t tell.

“Just thinking about all the ways to annoy you tomorrow,” he dramatically sighed, but it wasn’t completely true. He thought about you, the way your eyes sparkled in the sun, the way your face blushed under the cool weather. He found himself, at points, thinking about what it would feel like to kiss you, to have you as his.

“I knew it was preplanned,” you teased, giving him a smirk.

“Everything’s preplanned. I don’t do anything without thinking first.”

“That’s a lie,” you laughed, earning a scoff and a gentle shove from him.

“You’re supposed to support me, not break me down,” he pouted, and you mockingly pouted back.

“Aww, poor baby,” you huffed, and he only shook his head. You both neared the facility doors, and as warmth enveloped you both, so did Joe’s feelings intensify. He pursed his lips, flexing his hands as he tried to control the impulse to kiss you, to shove you against the wall and take you.

“Y/N?” he asked, and you turned to face him. It was just you two, standing in the hallway. Everyone else had gone ahead.

“Yeah?” you prompted, watching him. You picked out uncertainty in his eyes, the way his lips were tightly pressed together. Something was weighing heavy on him. But he looked at you, his eyes blank, his face pale. He forgot the words. His tongue was thick, like cotton in his mouth.

“Nothing, I’ll see you later,” he smiled, and brushed past you to the locker room. His heart hammered in his chest and his palms were sweaty. His mind was in a fog, consumed at the thought of you. He chickened out, and he’d beat himself up about it for the rest of the day.

You were left standing, confused and empty. You watched as he left, his form retreating down the hallway before he disappeared. Part of you hoped, based off of the look in his eyes, that he’d tell you that your feelings for him were reciprocated. Part of you hoped that he’d say something, but he didn’t.

You walked back to your office, a smaller room along a hallway. You unlocked your door, walking in to the warmer room. Your desk was in front of you, a window behind it, letting soft light into the room. Two guest chairs stood in front of your desk, and a small table held a coffee maker.

It was the bare minimum, but you were lucky you had an office.

You set the bag down, sitting down at your computer. You needed to write your reports, to check reports that have been submitted, but you couldn’t focus. Your mind drifted to Joe, to his eyes, to how he so easily talked to you, his arms, his thighs.

You dug the heels of your palms into your eyes.

You opened up your emails, trying to distract yourself from the thoughts of Joe. He was your coworker, not someone to become romantically involved with. No matter how he made you feel, no matter how attractive he was.

You didn’t know how much you got done, but your eyes never left your laptop until you heard a knock on your door. Your eyes lifted from your laptop, watching as Joe opened your door. His hair was wet, his skin a warm tan. He was dressed comfortably; sweats and a sweatshirt.

“What’s up?” you asked, pursing your lips.

“I just wanted to stop by before I left,” he said, stepping into your office and softly shutting the door behind him. His heart slammed against his chest. He was only ever nervous around you, except when it came to practice. He was in his element, he knew what he was doing and that distracted him from you. Now, as he stood in your office, he didn’t have his football knowledge to back him up.

“Oh,” you smiled, “is there something bothering you?” you asked him, concern furrowing your brow. You couldn’t think that Joe would come and see you for any other reason than football, or his wrist. He wouldn’t come and see you because he wanted to.

“Yeah, can you check my wrist before I go?” he asked you. He didn’t need his wrist checked. He was totally fine. He’s been fine for weeks.

“Sure, yeah,” you stood up, meeting him in the center of your office, “but I thought you’ve been fine for weeks,” you hummed as you took his extended wrist.

“I was, but it felt really tight after my shower,” he swallowed. Your soft hands against his wrist, the way your fingers gently pressed to see where his supposed pain was, it sent shocks throughout his body.

“Ok,” you hummed, turning over his wrist. You didn’t see any swelling, you didn’t feel any heat, and he didn’t react to your pressure.

“I don’t feel anything,” you told him, meeting his eyes, “there isn’t obvious pain,” you added, but as your eyes met, tension buzzed between you. Your stomach twisted, your heart skipped a beat. You fought the urge to look at his lips.

“That’s good,” he sighed, nodding his head. He could feel the tension, the way you looked at him, the way his heart skipped beats. He inhaled deeply to try and control his breathing. His free hand, with a slight tremble, reached up and caressed your cheek. His light touch sent shivers down your spine, and as much as you should fight it, you didn’t. You stepped closer to him, keeping your eyes on him.

He softly placed his lips on yours, and for a moment you stiffened. You didn’t expect this. You didn’t expect him to kiss you, to do the very thing you’ve wanted to do for a while. He parted from you, feeling you stiffen.

“I’m sorry-” he was interrupted by your hands grabbing the collar of his sweatshirt, pulling his lips to yours with a hunger like no other. He immediately kissed you back, one of his hands cupping the back of your neck, pulling you closer. You tasted sweet and it made his body thrum with his need for you. The need he’s been shoving aside for months.

Your lips danced together with a roughness and passion you’ve never experienced. Your hands looped around his neck, keeping yourself as close as you could be to him. His hunger for you could be felt as his hands moved to grip your hips. He began walking you back, keeping his lips on yours. When your hips hit your desk, you gasped, and it allowed his tongue to slip into your mouth. You moaned as his tongue explored your mouth tasting more of you.

He slowly pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. He panted, his breath fanning your face.

“Is the door locked?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“I don’t know, why?”

“Because we’re gonna need it to be,” you hummed, the look in your eyes telling him all he needed to know. He’s never locked a door so fast in his life. He came back over, and smashed his lips back to yours with a newfound hunger. His fingers played with the hem of your shirt, and in that moment, you were glad that door was locked. You were also glad you were an athletic trainer; you’d need to be able to do your own stretches later when he took your ability to walk.

[solarhysm]

"what’s your name again?" | JEON JUNGKOOK [FOLLOWERS POLL’s CHOICE]

one shot

> summary: jungkook met you at a costume party for the new year eve. you're bold, drunk and horny.

> pairing: jungkook x reader

> genre: small smut, one shot (shorter than i thought tho)

> warnings: smut, protected sex!!, public quickie in the female restroom (i'm not good with warning)

> word count: 2.8k

*french writer, i apologize in advance for my awful english!

Jungkook never likes masked parties. But when Hoseok suggests going to one where everyone is in costumes, he reluctantly agrees. He has nothing better to do for New Year’s Eve anyway, and it seems better than drinking alone in his apartment. He sighs as someone bumps into him—that’s why he avoids crowded places.

Everyone wears costumes as if it’s Halloween. He’s not surprised to see most of the women in tight, short dresses. Jungkook considered dressing as a character from Squid Game but decided against it—there are already too many of them here.

Instead, he throws on his old Spider-Man costume from Halloween three years ago. It’s been gathering dust in his closet, but it saves him time and money. To account for the cold, he adds gray joggers and an old black sweatshirt. Tonight, he’s not Peter Parker but Miles Morales. He doubts anyone will notice the reference, though.

“Damn, I didn’t expect it to be this crowded,” Jimin says, handing beers to his friends.

Jungkook glances around and nods. It’s New Year’s Eve, so of course, people their age are out celebrating.

“It’s been a shitty year,” Taehyung groans, downing his beer in one gulp before heading to the bar for something stronger. His girlfriend dumped him last month, and he’s still obsessively checking her Instagram, where she flaunts her new boyfriend.

Jungkook shakes his head, amused. It was a rough year. His grandfather was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, none of his romantic flings went anywhere, and the company he worked for went bankrupt. Now, he’s living with his parents –again- and working a terrible job under an abusive boss. He sighs and takes a sip of his beer.

“At least we’re still standing,” Hoseok says, ever the optimist.

As the night goes on, the four friends drink steadily in their corner of the nightclub. Taehyung ends up crying on Hoseok’s shoulder, while Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“I don’t understand,” Taehyung whines. “I’m a good boyfriend! I used to bring her flowers all the time and give her all the attention she wants.”

“She’s a bitch. You’re a good guy,” Jungkook says, leaning closer so Taehyung can hear him over the music. “Stop wasting your tears on someone like her.”

“Maybe I’m bad in bed?”

“Stop it,” Jimin groans, grabbing Taehyung’s shoulder. “With your third leg, it’s definitely not about sex. Some women are just terrible people. Go find someone new tonight.”

“What?” Taehyung sniffles, while Jungkook silently gestures for Jimin to stop talking.

“Yeah, Tae,” Hoseok chimes in. “Find a girl, have some fun, and forget about her.”

Jungkook buries his face in his hands. Taehyung is too drunk for this advice. He’s not a one-night-stand type of guy and will probably end up vomiting on whoever he approaches.

“I need a smoke,” Jungkook mutters, getting up and wiping his hands on his joggers. He weaves through the crowd toward the exit, hating how packed the nightclub is.

“I’m sorry!” a voice gasps as their bodies collide. Jungkook instinctively grabs the stranger’s arm to steady them. Both of them are clearly tipsy, but they look more unsteady than he does.

His gaze falls on the person in front of him—his very own Gwen Stacy. The mask hides all of their face, but the costume piques his interest immediately.

“It’s my fault,” You begin. “I didn’t—” You stop mid-sentence when you look up at him. “Oh, Miles Morales!” You giggle, recognizing his costume. And your laugh makes him smile.

“Hi, Gwen,” Jungkook smirks, the alcohol making him bolder.

“Hi,” you reply as you both step outside into the chilly air. It’s a welcome relief from the stifling crowd inside. Jungkook pulls out a cigarette and lighter.

“I like your costume,” he says, noticing you scanning the crowd inside, probably looking for your friends.

You remove your mask and smile. Jungkook doesn’t expect you to be this attractive—especially the kind of attractive he’s drawn to.

“Thanks. I like yours, even if it’s a little inaccurate,” you tease, making him chuckle.

You pull out your own cigarette, accepting his lighter with a nod of thanks.

“It’s too cold to be Spider-Man.”

“Well, not Tom Holland’s Spider-Man,” you quip, freeing your hair from the costume.

Jungkook’s eyes linger on you briefly before smirking. “Marvel fan?” he asks.

“Hm, you?”

“Hm.”

You’re pretty and a Marvel fan? Jungkook looks up at the dark sky, silently thanking the universe for this coincidence. Before he can come up with something to say, you speak again.

“I almost dressed as Wednesday Addams, but it’s way too cold for that,” you explain, and he nods.

“Wednesday was my first choice, too,” Jungkook jokes, making you laugh.

“I’m Y/N,” you say.

“Jungkook,” he replies.

“Did you come alone, Spiderman?” you ask, and Jungkook shakes his head.

“I came with some friends.”

“Yeah, me too. It was either this or sleeping early. I figured it’d be more fun to get drunk,” you say, tossing the bud of your cigarette. Jungkook licks his lips with a smile. He guesses you’re a yapper, which is a good thing because he’s not drunk enough to talk freely without embarrassment. “Do you drink tequila shots, Spiderman?”

“Are you offering?” he teases, and you nod. “Alright.”

Even though he asks, once you’re at the bar ordering a round of six tequila shots, Jungkook is the one handing over his credit card to the bartender. You scold him, insisting you’ll pay for the next round. He’s just happy that you’re thinking about continuing the night with him, though he’s a little apprehensive about drinking more.

“Alright, on three,” you say with a smile, counting down before you both toss back the first shot and bite into a lemon. “Where are your friends?”

“Somewhere in the club,” Jungkook replies, his head nodding to the rhythm of the music.

You grab his hand and guide him to the dancefloor. Jungkook marvels at how easygoing you are. Most girls he meets play hard to get, but you’re different—just here, vibing with everyone around you. His smile widens as he watches you mimicking the dance steps of a guy dressed as a banana.

You burst into laughter when you mess up the choreography, and the banana-guy spins you back toward Jungkook, probably assuming the two of you came together. You stumble into his arms, your rosy cheeks and bright giggles captivating him even though he can barely hear it over the music.

After the fourth shot, Jungkook has to stop, reaching his limit. He isn’t used to drinking this much, especially tequila. But he chuckles, watching as you confidently take down two more. When you turn to him, he shakes his head in disbelief.

“Already?” you tease, giggling, and he rolls his eyes, amused. You finish the remaining shots by yourself, and he’s genuinely impressed. How can someone as small as you handle so much alcohol?

Jungkook blinks a few times, shaking his head. He’s almost certain you’re going to regret this if you keep bouncing around to the music like that.

“Are you drunk?” you ask, leaning closer, and he nods, patting his chest to settle the burn in his throat.

He grabs a bottle of water he ordered, takes a sip, and offers it to you. But you shake your head, and Jungkook can’t help but feel a strange responsibility to make sure you’re okay. You’ve only just met, but he’s already trying to sober you up a bit—anything to avoid you ending the night sick.

“Do you drink often?” Jungkook asks, grimacing as he takes another sip of water. He’s already done with tequila—probably for life.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you chuckle, your tone playful as you make him smile and shrug.

“Just that you definitely know how to hold your liquor.”

“I just needed to get drunk and forget this year,” you admit, tossing your hair over your shoulder.

“Do you want me to walk you to your friends?” Jungkook offers, his voice laced with concern.

“Are you tired of me, Spider-Man?” you joke, swaying slightly as you both half-dance to the pulsing music.

“W-What? No!” Jungkook stammers, looking adorably flustered, and you laugh at his reaction.

“I’m kidding,” you say, nudging his shoulder with a grin.

“Can… I have your number? Or maybe your social media?” he asks, leaning closer to your ear to make himself heard over the music. You pull back to meet his gaze, your hands resting lightly on his shoulders for balance. Both of you have hooded eyes, softened by the alcohol and dim lights.

Jungkook feels a rush of admiration for your boldness. You don’t care about the people around you or their opinions. His hand hesitates before resting on the small of your back. You tilt your head, your nose brushing his as your lips hover dangerously close.

“Do you want to have fun?” you murmur, your mouth brushing his ear, the music muffling everything else.

“What kind of fun?” he asks, his breath caressing your cheek. He feels himself leaning into the moment, emboldened by your energy. Why not? There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting with a stranger on New Year’s Eve.

You smirk slowly, your hand slipping into his to guide him off the dancefloor. Jungkook frowns slightly in confusion when you lead him into the women’s restroom. Before he can ask why, you cup his face, pulling him into a kiss that sends his heart racing.

He finds it thrilling—kissing someone he just met, in a place he’d never expect. It’s not the kind of fun he was imagining, but he’s definitely not complaining. You guide him blindly into one of the stalls, closing the door behind you as he presses you against it.

“What if someone catches us?” he whispers, his lips trailing along your jaw.

“We can stop if you want,” you reply, threading your fingers into his hair before pulling him into another heated kiss.

“No,” he says honestly, making you smile. “But we’re drunk.”

“Can’t get hard when you’re drunk?” you tease, your lips brushing the column of his neck. Jungkook chuckles darkly, grabbing your hand and guiding it to his joggers. Your eyes light up as you feel his growing arousal beneath the fabric.

Jungkook’s breath hitches as your hand starts to stroke him above his jogger. His mind races—this is new for him. He’s had his share of casual flings, but never with a stranger and never in public. Surprisingly, the thrill of possibly being caught makes the moment even more exhilarating.

He wonders if you’ve done this before—you seem so at ease. But before he can ask, your hand slides under the waistband of his joggers, palming his growing bulge. His eyes close almost instantly, a soft groan escaping him as your touch sends heat coursing through his body. His own hands find your backside, squeezing gently, grounding himself in the moment.

“Do you want to fuck me?” you whisper, nipping lightly at the sensitive skin of his neck.

“What—I—right now?” he stammers, wide-eyed, and you nod. Pressing your back against the door, you reach behind to unzip the bottom of your costume, your movements deliberate and teasing. Jungkook’s gaze remains locked on you, his mind racing.

His eyes widen further as he begins patting the pockets of his joggers in a frantic search for his wallet. He knows there’s a condom in there—he’s certain he hasn’t used it. A chance like this? No way he’s letting it slip by. He’s just a guy, after all, and if a beautiful woman wants him, Jungkook isn’t about to say no.

“What are you doing?” you ask, laughing as his wallet slips from his fumbling hands. He scrambles to catch it, earning another amused giggle from you.

When he finally retrieves the little plastic wrapper, he holds it up proudly. You smirk, pulling him into a heated kiss while he helps you peel off the bottom half of your costume. The black panties underneath match the dark tights perfectly, a sight that makes Jungkook’s breath hitch. His hands twitch at his sides, trying to maintain control.

“I’ve never done this before,” he admits softly, hiking your leg up to wrap around his waist, pressing you against him.

“Yeah, me neither,” you reply with a playful giggle, one hand gripping his shoulder for balance while the other threads through his messy hair. “New year, new experiences, right?”

“You’re really something else,” he chuckles, his tone equal parts admiration and disbelief. His eyes meet yours, silently asking for permission. You nod, and his hand slides between your thighs, fingertips brushing against you through the thin fabric of your panties.

“Fuck,” you whisper, your head falling back against the door as your hips instinctively press into his touch. Your reaction sends a shiver down his spine; he swears he’s never heard anyone curse so beautifully.

Jungkook frees himself from his boxers, giving his cock a few slow strokes while watching your every reaction. His gaze flickers between your face and the way your body trembles under his hand. When he pushes your panties aside, he hesitates momentarily to open the condom.

“Tell me to stop,” he says suddenly, his voice wavering as he tries to cling to the last shred of his rationality.

“Don’t you dare,” you reply with a grin, tugging at his boxers to free him completely. He groans, any semblance of self-control slipping away as he feels your hand stroke him again, this time skin-on-skin.

The muffled music from the club outside only adds to the surrealness of the moment. Every so often, someone walks into the restroom, and Jungkook tenses, half-expecting a knock on the door. But the thrill of being caught only seems to heighten his excitement. When you grab his face to focus him on you, your lips brushing against his, he realizes he’s long past the point of no return.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath as he rolls the condom over his length. His other hand pushes his joggers just low enough to give him room to move. “Are you sure?” he asks one last time, his voice trembling with need.

“Yes,” you answer without hesitation, guiding him to your entrance. His fingers dig into your hips as he presses forward slowly, the stretch eliciting soft gasps from both of you. He stills for a moment, his forehead resting against yours as he adjusts to the overwhelming sensation.

“God, you’re so tight,” he whispers, his voice rough with desire.

“Please, move,” you urge him in a whine, your nails digging into his shoulders. He doesn’t need to be told twice. His hips pull back before snapping forward, setting a steady rhythm that has you biting your lip to keep from moaning too loudly.

Jungkook’s movements grow more erratic as he loses himself in the sensation of you. The cramped space of the stall, the muffled music, and the ever-present risk of being caught only add to the intensity. His hands roam your body, gripping your thighs and waist as he thrusts into you with increasing urgency.

“You feel so good,” he groans, his voice a low rumble in your ear.

“Faster,” you gasp, your hands sliding down to grab his ass and urge him deeper. He obliges, his pace quickening until the sound of your bodies colliding fills the small space. “Fuck –“

You bite down on his shoulder to muffle your moans, and he curses under his breath, the combination of your teeth and the tight grip of your walls pushing him closer to the edge.

“I’m close,” he whispers, his breath hot against your neck. His thrusts grow rougher, the door rattling slightly with each movement.

“Me too,” you manage to reply, your voice shaky as the tension in your body builds. His thumb finds your clit, circling it with just enough pressure to send you spiraling over the edge. Your walls tighten around him as you climax, your muffled cries vibrating against his skin.

“Fuck,” Jungkook groans, his hips stuttering as he follows you, spilling into the condom with a final deep thrust. He collapses against you, his chest heaving as he struggles to catch his breath. The countdown outside ends in cheers and shouts of celebration, but neither of you notices, still lost in the aftershocks of your high.

For a moment, the two of you stay like that, tangled together in the aftermath. Then Jungkook pulls back slightly, pressing a kiss to your forehead. The sounds of celebration seep back in as you both begin to steady your breathing.

“That was…” he trails off, unable to find the right words. “Hot.”

You smirk, cupping his face to leave a lingering kiss on his swollen lips.

“Happy New Year,” you whisper, your voice soft but playful.

“Happy New Year,” he replies, his hand snaking behind your neck to pull you into another kiss, this one just as passionate as the last. Jungkook knows he has to go back to his friends soon.

“What’s your name again?” you laugh, your breath mingling with his as he chuckles.

“Jungkook. Yours?”

“Y/N.”

hiiii!! first of all, happy new year to you all. may 2025 be a better year for you. secondly, i know, I KNOW, i'm a little late with the one shot i promised, i'm sorry! i was too busy those last few days. to be honest, the one shot didn't result as i was hoping for. I had a few ideas about it and it doesn't look like... what i expected. but i promise you a jk one shot for the new year so here it is. i'll do better next time, i swear!! but i do hope that you enjoyed reading it <3 I'll see you around, and on that, i'm going back to write the DOU chapter 6 now that i have free time!! luv y’all — Riza

[gizdathemxel]

CLARIFICATION NEEDED!!!!!

okay when i said “do not put afab/amab/tma/tma in your bio, that is cisgender society’s attempt at knowing your “real” gender” i did NOT meant to undermine the language/discussion that tme/tma was meant to provide!!! i think conversations about transmisogyny are extremely important BUT i also think that they are very very nuanced!!!!!!!!!

my issue with tma/tme is that it’s often used as a quick shortcut to see if a person is a transfem or transmasc and quickly sort the two and also that most online discourse does not rlly account for how transphobia, transmisogyny, and even transandrophobia, exomisia, intersexism, etc interact with each other !!!

@/oncelerfucker described how tme/tma is far more nuanced than a lot of people realized far better than i ever could so i rlly recommend reading their reblog.

tbh bigots do not care at ALL to be precise in their bigotry towards others; they see “person is similar to group i don’t like = i do not like person” and go off. as a member of the african diaspora (1st gen AA), i could make a MILLION posts about how black caribbeans/afrolatinos, black Europeans, etc are NOTHING like me and that i’m better than them (not true btw) and an antiblack racist will not GAF about those distinctions. they see black and their brains short circuit. There ARE distinctions, and they DO matter but they are not as clear cut as we might think! Now obviously there are finer nuances between race that is very separate from gender and sexuality but the general principle applies.

my issue is not inherently the terms tme/tma but rather how quickly they are flattened labels of ONLY identification, rather than bases of discussion. The transmisogyny a trans lesbian experiences may not be the same transmisogyny a straight trans woman experiences, but it makes neither of their transmisogynistic experiences lesser nor will a transmisogynist really bother to make that distinction. That distinction matters, but it shouldn’t be used to say “this person is more privileged than that person”.

i have seen the weird lateral violence that transfems and transmascs pit against each other as some groups say transmascs experience afab privilege (because their femininity is more easily accepted; which is not at all true) and other groups say that transfems experience male privilege/socialization (bc they grew up as male, so they would be privy to that privilege; also not at all true).

Both of these groups are noticing something accurate, but they are making incorrect assumptions about how this social dynamic works and blaming the wrong people. they incorrectly assume that the trans person on the opposite side of them is their enemy, when it’s so obviously not.

tldr (sorry i’m a ranter at heart); tme/tma are not inherently bad terminology, and discussions of transmisogyny (as well as all other forms transphobia and bigotry) function in society and how they affect certain groups of people are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!! i want to make it super obvious when i say that i am NOT trying to diminish anyone’s oppression or their voices, and im super sorry for the confusion!!! my true issues with tma/tme is how it’s utilized on the internet, rather than actually holding nuanced conversations, i see it flattened into another gender binary, where the supposed space for nuance is instead eaten up by lateral violence* of who is really the evil group of trans people holding us good trans people back from trans liberation. please please please keep having these discussions and please please please keep allowing the space for nuance in an increasingly polarized world.

(i still generally stand by not putting ur agab in ur bio bc i PROMISE u the wrong people are going to use that against u)

*when i say lateral violence, i do not mean actual physical violence but rather the term that refers to groups within similar social status attacking/othering each other. i’m saying that trans people are generally within the same social strata but sometimes we might weaponize the bigotry a certain group of trans people experiences in order to “elevate” ourselves (sidenote: this does not and never will work)

*gripping my hands so hard on a young trans persons shoulders that their bones are about to break*

do not log on to 4chan.com. do not get involved in passing olympics. you will always lose. do not put afab/amab/tma/tme in your bio, that is cisgender society trying to know your “real” gender. you do not exist to please cisgender people. there is no ‘right’ way to be trans. learn your goddamn history, listen to your elders. listen to other disenfranchised groups. listen to intersex people and check yourself for intersexism. listen to trans poc and check yourself for racism. listen to disabled people and check yourself for ableism. be open to learning always. labels are meant to fit you, not the other way around. you are not weird or predatory for simply being attracted to others. you’re fine if you’re not a skinny white twink or a barbie doll. you’re fine if your body is ‘weird’. you’re fine if you don’t have heavy or any dysphoria. it’s okay if you actually don’t want to transition or anything like that. life is worth living at any stage, you deserve to be happy. I SWEAR THAT YOU ARE OKAY!!!!!

[sillymommy6969]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝖄OURS TRULY

Manon Bannerman x actor!fem!reader

summary: being an actress can be pretty demanding, and manon's pretty understanding of the things that came along with your career, but lately it’s feeling a little too real

warnings: slight!angst, some sm posts, jealous!manon, one mean comment, kinda used rachel zegler as a face claim only because i used those pics for the smau, harsh language

Being an actress came with lots of benefits; you travelled all around the world to film in beautiful, exotic locations, you get to meet a lot of amazing new people within and beyond the industry, and you get to do what you were most passionate about. But, it also meant every aspect of your life would be examined under a microscope, on and off set, and you would be made to post or say things that weren’t true just for the sake of promotions or publicity.

You absolutely loathed that part of your job. It has driven a wedge between your relationship with so many ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and even some friendships.

When you met Manon at your good friend and fellow Euphoria costar, Dominic’s New Year’s Eve party, you were absolutely entranced by this walking shred of heaven. Back then, she had not joined Dream Academy yet and she was just in between modelling gigs. You couldn’t help yourself, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. You had to get to know her better, and by the end of the night you were leaving Dominic’s condo and stumbling into yours with her pressed against you.

When you begun dating, you made sure Manon knew the extents of your career. You were blunt, dating an actress wasn’t always going to be easy, especially with the way tabloids write their own narrative about your life.

a) Your job entailed partial nudity at times; you’ve been in enough movies or series to know women are always asked to strip in front of cameras. You weren’t exactly the biggest fan, but it wasn’t your artistic choice to make.

b) Your job entailed lots of cameras and eyes constantly trained on you, meaning they would spin stories and insane theories out of the most ridiculously insignificant detail. Nothing the tabloids report can ever be trusted.

c) Your job entailed doing things with your costars, i.e. kissing, making out, filming intimate scenes, etc. As somebody in the industry, you have become so desensitized by the concept of faking things for art. But you understood not many people understood the gravity of everything your career demanded from you, and it can cause lots of issues emotionally.

Manon was very reluctant about these three rules at first, skeptical of how bad things had to be for you to drop this on her the first month in. But then she got on dream academy, she then successfully debuted in Katseye, and she, herself, experienced a lot of the things you fell victim to. She understood and accepted much more than she had to because she loved you, she really did, and to anybody with eyes, the two of you were absolutely smitten.

Recently, you were onset of a new project you were cast in—a remake of Romeo & Juliet but with a modern edge to it. Everything was going good, internal reviews for what, and as you wrapped up filming, you were asked to post an ‘wrap dump’ to promote the movie. Your manager presented you with a selection of photos, and you compiled them into a post.

Liked by kitconnor, lararajj & 821,440 others

ynln Can’t wait for ya’ll to see us in six months <3

19 hours ago

user01 THE FIRST SLIDE HELLO???????

user02 yall stronger than me i would’ve fallen in love

dominicfike aye get it sis

ynln you really do be everywhere but the studio

dominicfike kys

user03 has anybody seen the leaked kiss

user04 YES OMG

user05 they’re such a theatre kid power couple

user03 DID YALL SEE KIT GRABBING HER FACE

user06 you can’t convince me they’re not tgt

user07 Is this a hard launch I’m sobbing

user08 girl you ever heard of marketing 😭😭

user09 no they’re dating

user10 THEYRE LITERALLY NOT??

user11 guys y/n’s dating manon rmb not kit

user12 they never confirmed tho so maybe it’s kit

user13 @user12 Denial is a river in Egypt…

You didn’t think much about the post, getting out of your makeup from the day before hitching a ride home with your manager. You had a couple hours to freshen up and get ready before the wrap party that night, and you were very excited to have invited Manon as your plus one.

It was one of those rare days your girlfriend had a day off that matched your schedule. She had her reservations about being seen or photographed with you at such a public event, but you assured her everything was going to be cast and crew only.

Back at her dorm, Manon was doing her makeup on the floor of her room. She had the room to herself, Lara invited some of the girls home for the weekend with her—which meant Daniela was gone as well. Only Sophia and Yoonchae opted to stay home, wanting to spend the free time they had shopping for decorations to liven up their room. She was nervous, to say the least, about meeting all the professional filmmakers and famed actors and directors you worked with every day.

A knock on her door sounded through the music blasting.

“Yo, Manon, you getting ready to go soon?” When she turned her head to catch a glimpse of Sophia poking her head through the doorway, the leader was focused on the phone in her hand, strolling in to stand behind the older member.

“Yeah, heading over to Y/N’s in fifteen-ish… why?”

“You seen Y/N’s latest instagram post?” Sophia asked.

Manon shook her head. She hadn’t been on social media since the night before, she slept in, waking up late and immediately had to throw herself into the shower to get ready.

“Well, you gotta see this shit.”

Sophia knealt, holding her phone out for Manon to peep at the tweet she had pulled up onscreen. The way she snatched the filipina’s phone was nothing short of urgent and stunned.

It wasn’t like Manon hadn’t seen you kiss your costars onscreen, she’s been to many movies watching you lead in a film. But this, watching this bag of bulging muscles in a tank touch you where she usually did, your hands grabbing his face as the two of you made out on a bed?

Manon had never, and I mean ever, felt such rage. She was experiencing so many emotions at once; some rationality, some discomfort, but mostly an overwhelming sense of rage.

She didn’t care. She was a jealous girlfriend. And she can say she understands as many times as she could, but she hated every single time you’d kiss, touch or feel anybody but her. She knew it was what you did for a living, but she couldn’t shed the way she felt like smashing Kit Connor’s face through a wall.

“That’s a wild ass movie your girl’s making,” Sophia scoffed, in attempts to lighten the tension.

Manon’s jaw clenched, shoving the phone back into Sophia’s chest before standing. She was now sad she had gotten her hair and outfit done all nice, because she didn’t feel like showing up to an event thrown somewhat in your honour.

“Manon…? Manon!” Sophia called after the Ghanaian woman, but she had already grabbed her purse and left the house.

When you came out of the shower, your hair wet and your body glistening, you were taken aback by the sudden pounding you heard from your condo’s door. You quickly put on your panties and one of Manon’s oversized shirts. Slipping into your slippers, you stumbled out your bathroom and to the door. Just a couple feet away from it, another round of thrusts throw you off. “I’m coming, Jesus Christ!”

Swinging your door open, you were ready to rip into whomever so disrespectfully made their presence known, but upon seeing your girlfriend, dressed all nice and looking pretty, your expression softened. “Baby, I thought you were coming—!”

She held a hand over your mouth, pushing you into your home before kicking the door shut behind her.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Manz, what the fu—?”

“Are you fucking Kit Connor?” She immediately barked, a hand on your bare chest, backing you up towards the couch. “I get myself all nice and pretty for your party and I find out you’re macking this hunk like there’s no tomorrow?”

Your hand rested on your chest, before you were knocked onto your ass. You glanced up at your dining girlfriend, her lips pursed and her sharp brows knit together.

“Woah, woah, woah, what’re we talking about here?”

She yanked her phone out her pocket, her fingers jabbing at her screen as she pulled up your instagram page. The photos you and Kit took on set was harshly shoved into your face, you gently cradled her hand with both of yours, carefully pulling it back so you could see. She then harshly pulled her hand back, pulling up Pop Base’s tweet of a leaked onset photo.

“When the fuck did you even get these photos taken? I mean, having to do minimal stuff for work is one thing, but letting him carry you and grab your ass and your thighs and getting all close and intimate behind the scenes when you’re not even on fucking camera is so far over the line, Y/N.” she rambled, “Then I have to see you basically dry hump this man?”

You sighed, knowing it was another one of the older woman’s jealous episodes. You tried being more understanding, to listen and calm her down, knowing it was a consequence of your job.

“Baby, please, take a deep breath, okay?” You gently grab the phone from her hand, setting it down on the couch beside you. You entertained your fingers, kissing her knuckles. “What did I tell you about the rules, hm?”

With a pout, Manon’s voice dropped low, “You’re a public figure and need to get intimate with coworkers a lot.”

You hummed, nodding. “That’s right. And y’know what the best way to promote a new movie is?”

She rolled her eyes, staring away. “Dating scandals.”

“Yes, baby, dating scandals.” You tugged at her hands, pulling her down to take a seat. Her body slumped to sit on your lap, her eyes still refusing to meet yours as you fixed a loose curl from her temple. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Manz. I never do things I don’t need to. I took those pictures on a press day a while back when Kit and I were asked to do ‘behind the scenes’ photos, none of it is real.”

“Yeah, well, it looked pretty real when you were eating his face on that bed,” she huffed, “What was I supposed to think?”

You chuckled, nodding. You wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling both of you to lie back into the couch. “I know, I know, but I’m not going to the party as Kit’s date, right? He’s not the one I’ve been waiting to see all day.” You gestured at your dripping appearance, “That’s why I wanted you to come in twenty, so I could be ready and beautiful just for you, baby.”

Manon scoffed, “Yeah, you’re lookin’ real rough right now.”

You playfully slapped her at the joke, “I promise you, I am yours, truly. I don’t even care about Kit, because all I think about when I’m at work is coming home and getting to see my ridiculously beautiful and sexy girlfriend.”

That statement seemed to win Manon over, her hands coming up to cradle your cheeks. “You better swear on your life.”

“I swear on this life and the next. I love you, Manz.”

“Mmh, I love you more,” she hummed, leaning in to kiss you softly. When the two of you pulled apart, she sneered, “Is that how you kiss him too?”

You clicked your tongue, a hand reaching under her thigh to move her body so she was straddling you. “Do you really wanna know? I’ll show you exactly what Kit and I do when nobody’s looking.” you spat, earning a gasp from Manon when your hand cupped the back of her neck, yanking her down into you for a heated kiss.

It was a long night of entertaining producing executives and crew members, but you were very happy to have your girlfriend meet the people you’ve been working with for months. When it came time for you to give Kit a hug in greeting though, Manon made sure her disapproval was made known.

You had an upcoming role in the third season of the White Lotus, you were not excited about how the Ghanaian woman would react to the scenes on that show.

[farfromstrange]

Pink Eye | Matt Murdock x Reader

Matt Murdock Masterlist

Summary: You start the new year with a bad case of conjunctivitis and a cold. As annoyed as you are about it, fortunately for you, you have a very doting boyfriend to take care of you.

Warnings: Cursing, sickness, fluff.

WC: 1.2k

A/n: This is totally self-indulgent, and my first fic after a month (or so)! Don't worry, you're still getting those other Fictober prompts, this is just something that came to my mind yesterday and I had to write it. I wish I had a Matt Murdock to take care of me, so I wrote this. I hope I'm not too rusty.

Read Me On AO3!

The cold compress seeps into the swollen skin of your eyelids, though it offers only a small reprieve from the ache and itchiness that make you want to claw your eyes out like a feral cat under attack.

Tissues lay strewn around the coffee table, each one soaked in tears and whatever else came out when you wiped them dry. The apartment reminds you more of the set of a bad chick-flick rather than a home. Most of the time it resembles a crime scene or a poorly supplied hospital when your risk-friendly boyfriend decides he just has to get himself into another fight for the greater good, but this New Year’s, the only casualty that came out of the holidays is you—defeated by your own immune system. 

You haven’t been properly sick in a year. For 366 days, you’ve been free of any viral or bacterial infections, and the one time you decide to have dinner with your family you end up with a nasty infection: conjunctivitis. Yes, you started the new year with fucking pink eye and a cold, and now you’re stuck at home for your last few days off work, feeling miserably sorry for yourself.

“Here,” Matt appears in your one functioning line of sight with a bowl of soup in hand, “You need to eat something.”

“Thank you,” you say through a congested nose, and he can’t help but smile at how adorable that sounds.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Like I want to put a finger into my eye and scratch it out.”

He raises his eyebrows. “So, not good?”

You shake your head. “I’m annoyed. And in pain. And I can’t fucking breathe!” As if to underline your frustration, your lungs constrict and you cough up a not-so-delicious ball of phlegm. 

Matt’s hand instantly moves to your back, rubbing gentle circles until the oxygen returns to where it needs to be. Your breathing becomes rapid before it slows down again, and you swallow.

“Fuck me,” you mumble.

“When you’re feeling better,” he retorts almost cheekily, but the joke doesn’t get much of a response. He knows how miserable you are. He can hear it in the way you breathe, your elevated heartbeat, and the pulsing of the skin around the infected eye. You wear your discomfort on your very sleeves. He doesn’t want to imagine what it feels like for you.

Instead of joking any more, Matt gently removes the compress from your eye. “Let me get you a new one,” he offers. Your first instinct is to cover up. It baffles him; you haven’t hidden from him in a very long time.

Matt takes your hand and places it back down in your lap, a worried frown creasing his forehead. “Don’t do that.” 

“I look like I got into a fight,” you say.

At that, he reaches out, fingers gently brushing just above your brow, down your temple, and over the apple of your cheek. He can feel the heat radiating from your skin, the inflammation that’s causing your eye to swell, but the picture his fingertips paint is a stark contrast to your own description. 

“No, you don’t,” he says. And Matt knows better than anyone what one might look like after a fight.

His touch is so gentle, far away from where you’re hurting but close enough to feel his need to fix you. To heal you. To take your pain away and make it his own just so you wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Your heart flutters like a newborn butterfly. You look into his hazel eyes, how soft they are, and it makes you melt. If you could only see yourself the way he sees you... The way he loves you seems like a gift from God himself. 

His touch disappears, and you bite back a pathetic whimper. “Be right back,” he says.

You watch as he rises to his feet and heads back to the kitchen, grabbing another cool compress from the fridge before returning to your side.

“There you go.” He places it against your eye and holds it there. “So you can eat.”

You want to say, ‘You’re doing too much’, but then you realize that you’re with the kind of man who would shoulder the world for you even when he’s already drowning to make sure life is just a little easier for you. And while that feels like entirely too much, more than you deserve, you can’t find it in yourself to tell him to stop. Not that he would do so, anyway. 

Every bone in your body aches, but the pain blurs in comparison to what he makes you feel. 

You take the bowl of soup he prepared and dig in. It’s your favorite, yet scarcely seasoned to not irritate your throat any further. When your stomach is finally full and he’s satisfied, he reaches for the bottle of eyedrops standing tall amongst the graveyard of tissues. He knows to think about everything when you can’t. 

“Lean back,” he instructs softly. 

“I don’t want you to get sick,” you protest. 

“I won’t. I know you hate doing this yourself. Now lean back.”

He’s even more stubborn when you’re sick, but only because you’re stubborn, too. You don’t protest further, simply leaning your head back to give him better access. 

Matt gently searches for your lower lid with his fingers, pulling it back ever so gently before squeezing the first drop in. Then, he moves on to the second eye. Your eyes instinctively squeeze shut at the sudden intrusion. It burns. Will it ever stop, you wonder? 

“I’m sorry,” he wipes away any excess tears threatening to escape, “it’ll get better in a second.” 

You huff a breath of disapproval, but not at his words. “I’m never visiting my family again unless they give me a detailed list of who’s sick,” you say. 

Matt stutters for a moment, then bursts out laughing.

“I’m serious! Small children are little Petri dishes, carrying viruses and bacteria that continue to mutate into God knows what. Petri dishes, Matthew!” 

You sound so beside yourself, he can’t help himself. He adds the used tissue to the coffee table pile and pulls you into his arms, his laugh rumbling against the top of your head as he presses his lips against your heated scalp. “This is New York, sweetheart,” he says, “the entire city is a Petri dish.”

“And I will avoid it like the plague if I have to.”

He chuckles. “Okay.” A pause, and then, “You’re so much moodier when you’re sick.”

If you had the strength you would smack his pretty face for that statement alone, but you really, really don’t. You can barely sit up on your own. So, you nudge him with your elbow and grumble, “Shut up.”

With a bright smile on his face, he gives you another squeeze. “I love you too,” he says.

You squeeze his bicep three times to assure him that yes, you do love him, and you can’t help but think that perhaps being coddled in Matt Murdock’s arms while recovering from a little infection isn’t so bad, after all. It certainly could be worse. 

fluff tag list: @gpenguin666 @linamarr @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @etanordoesbullsh1t @thychuvaluswife @harleycao @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @sya-skies @thatonegamefish @amberritonicole @pigeonmama @bohemianrhapsody86 @a-gir1-has-n0-name @winkev1 @callsign-ember @chittaphonstar @buckyyyismahhlife @trublu2u @xnatyx @zomtart @ethereal-blaze @littleagxs @ravenclaw617 @lucienofthelakes @steve-chandler @mochie-is-a-librarian

[luna-the-cretar]

Yknow what? I appreciate the LOA cast for making the Krew be on the older side, rather than their early-mid 20s. Even Frost, who is the youngest of the group, is in his 30s (that’s the vibe I’m getting, anyway). It actually adds a lot to their characters, I feel.

Like, Gricko being childish and generally good (morally, anyway)? That’s not because he’s young and haven’t experienced the harshness of the world, but because that’s just who he is. It’s not like he’s childish (for lack of a better term) because he didn’t have a good childhood, that’s just his personality. He knows the world is cruel, and tries to be a good person regardless of how badly he’s been burned.

Torbek isn’t emotional and naive because he’s young. He’s naive (again, lack of a better word? because he sees the best in even the cruelest monster. He’s emotional because of the cruel hand that life has given him, as well as the mere fact that he’s anxious and gets overwhelmed easily (saying this as someone with anxiety and gets weepy when overwhelmed). Like Gricko, Torbek knows how cruel life can be—he’s experienced it firsthand, and the canisters on his back are evidence enough of the trauma he’s endured—and YET. And yet he chooses to be kind, chooses to believe that others can be kind to him, no matter how cruel they may be.

Kremy and Gideon are obviously the most world-weary, and have definitely gotten crueler as the years go by. They are the opposite of the goblinoids in this regard—they saw the hand that life dealt them, and decided to give back what they got. Not that they’re incapable of kindness and trust (after all, kindness and trust is what let Kremy and Gid become what they are now), but it’s…harder, for them. Kremy grew up in the slums, and learned that the only way you can get what you want is to step on the people in your way. Gideon was tortured for years, and learned that the only way to get out of a bad situation is to fight your way through. They see Gricko and Torbek as weak because they’re kind, until it’s that very kindness that lets them proceed onto their quest (like Gricko with Juniper the Owlbear and Torbek with Pincushion)

Frost, we see grow crueler as the campaign goes on, as he learns that life isn’t fair. That people can be cruel. That sometimes, mercy isn’t the right choice. Talking can’t get you out of a fight. (But cruelty isn’t the right choice either. And you shouldn’t bite before the other can bark)

[cherrysurf]

winning you back pt.2

-where haikyu boys try to win back you their ex gf

-this is lwk depressing but maybe it’s bc of the music im listening to rn LMAO

contains; atsumu, tsukishima, kita, sakusa, oikawa, iwaizumi

pt.1 of winning you back here!

atsumu; He still very much has all your pictures on his feed that he never deleted and never will you had to go minimal contact with him because he kept texting you every other day to try to get back together, he still loves you and thinks your gonna be his wife and that this is just a rough patch, so when you post that you’re going to be volunteering at osamu’s restaurant for a charity that osamu is doing for young kids to get into volleyball he takes it upon himself to cancel his practice for that day and go and join you two and begged and forced osamu to make you too work together so he can talk to you, and those dam miya’s being so good and weaseling there way back into life’s, it worked. You two are now talking again. You told him that you wanted to take this slow, but atsumu later that week posted a soft launch of you two at dinner.

tsukishima; tsukishima acts like he’s so nonchalant but no one’s seen him cry over how bad it’s killing him that you can fully ignore him when he’s usually the one doing that. He hates how bad he fucked up so he decided to make a plan to win you back, what does that mean he had to do? work at the same cat cafe as you, at first you weren’t on the same shifts and maybe hanging out with cats was a plus but getting crushed on by other girls wasn’t. Anyways as soon and he saw you two were on the same shift he couldn’t be more happy, it was a slow shift so he used this time to catch up and be very soft and respectful he saw you weren’t fighting back so he was thinking that was a step forward, until later on when a girl came by to order a drink and was clearly flirting with him so tsukishima ignored her, as she said “can i get your number?” you turned to see what he would do all he said was “no i have a girlfriend she’s right there actually, i don’t what gave you the confidence to think you could ask me” he said laughing which left the girl embarrassed and you flustered.

kita; Kita is forever my yearning man. He writes letters for you and sends them, you kept them all because you still didn’t get over him. He thought it was the right choice to let you go but he couldn’t have been more wrong, and I fear kita is the type to have a romantic scene like the movies. So what? anyways he comes by your hour IN THE POURING RAIN. to apologize “i’m sorry im selfish for breaking up with you yn, i just clean up well i forget myself” OOOO YOU END UP SOBBING BC WHO WOULDN'T?! anyways safe to say you kissed in the rain and he won you back

sakusa; stubborn ass ho. He was shocked when you broke things off even more when you actually stood on business, sakusa was one to keep his composure and not crashout but he couldn’t understand why he was so affected by the breakup it’s like his whole life flipped upside down. He even stopped keeping up with himself for a bit which was totally out of the norm. So when you saw him at your apartment in the lates of the night messy hair, wrinkles in his clothes looking dead you knew something was wrong, he almost felt like he could breathe again once you embraced him, disgusting and all and he didn’t let go since and tried to change for the better

oikawa; He acted happy at first like it didn’t matter because he thought you needed him more than he needed you. Oh how wrong he was, the fan girls didn’t support him the way you did, didn’t cheer for him the way you did, no one could cook as good as you, no one could get him out his depression like you could, so one night around 4am he gave you a call wanting to quit volleyball because he felt like he couldn’t do anymore without you there, which broke your heart because you saw how bad he was struggling without you there and that’s when he finally admits “I needed you more than you needed me. Come back yn, i’m sorry” and you did because you needed him just as much as he needed you.

iwaizumi; it was mutual breakup but not really he just did whatever he could to make you happy he hated fighting with you, he never deleted your pictures, he still kept all your stuff that you didn’t take at his house, he was still loyal even if you weren’t together, He blamed himself for not fighting back. he became very very career oriented that’s when he saw you at a job interview, you had just finished interviewing for the place he works at as a sports medical assistant. you weren’t aware he was working there so he stopped you and asked to get lunch since you were leaving and he was on his lunch break. That's where he apologized for not doing more and still thought about you and asked for a redo and would do anything for a second chance, and you agreed because you felt the same.

tags; @solarvrse (for the atsumu one) @sahrii (for the iwaizumi one)

[winchesterwild78]

Unspoken Words pt 5

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, other characters

Warnings: fluff, illness, mild language

A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This one is about a single mother with a nonverbal autistic daughter who loves Supernatural. The reader is going to a Supernatural Convention with her daughter and things unfold from there. The daughter character is near and dear to my heart. I have someone very close to me who is nonverbal, but he’s such an amazing kid. 

This chapter got a bit long, but it’s worth it. So much happens in this part. I think it’s one of my favorite parts so far. Enjoy. 

This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Jensen is single in this story. 

All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated. 

Minors DNI 18+

The next morning we woke up in each other’s arms to the sounds of giggles coming from the foot of the bed. We looked up and saw Lily sitting on the floor, playing with her stuffies. She must have woken up and came into my room, but because Jensen was there she didn’t crawl in the bed like she typically does. 

Jensen smiled at me and I at him, “Good morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep?” I snuggled closer in his arms, inhaling his scent and smiled, “Amazing.” “Good, me too.” He lifted my face and kissed my lips. 

Lily came around to my side of the bed and tugged on me. I turned towards her, Jensen’s arms still lazily lying around my waist. “Good morning, Lily. Are you hungry?” “Eat, please” I smiled, “Okay, baby. Let mommy get up and I’ll cook you something.”

I started to get out of the bed and Jensen pulled me back down. I fell back into him and laughed, “Jensen, I need to get up.” “Not yet, not until you give me a proper kiss.” 

I blushed, turned towards him and we kissed. All the unspoken love and the emotions from the past few days poured into the kiss. 

I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I started the coffee pot and grabbed the bacon and eggs from the fridge. I pulled the toaster out from under the counter and when I got back up Jensen was standing behind me. 

I jumped, “Jeez, Jensen. You scared the heck out of me. You’re like a stealthy mouse.” He laughed, “They do call me squirrel.” He winked and grabbed a coffee cup. “Need some help, baby?” 

“Sure, if you want to start the bacon. Lily likes it crispy, but not too crispy.” He nodded and started cooking. The two of us moved around the kitchen like a synchronized dance. It felt perfect. 

The first batch of bacon was done and Jensen asked how it was. I grabbed a piece to test it, “Hmmm, I don’t know Ackles. I might have found something you’re not good at.” I ate the bacon and laughed. 

He knew I was joking. He grabbed me around my waist, and spun me around. “Oh really? If it’s that bad I guess I need to kiss the taste out of your mouth.” “Yes please, it’s horrible” I exaggerated my words. 

He started kissing my lips and then down my neck. The sound of our laughter and me squealing filled the kitchen. Without thinking I wiggled around and faced him, breathless I kissed his lips, “I love you.” 

I froze. “Jensen I’m sorry. It just came out.” He cupped my face, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay with it. I promise. I love seeing you happy.”

I looked at him and nodded. I am in love with him, and want to say it all the time, but I also don’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

We continued cooking, and Jensen kept up the playful banter. It helped and made me feel better. I really didn’t want a repeat of last night. When he finished the bacon I sent him to relax in the living room. 

Lily had moved to playing on the floor. Jensen sat on the couch and scrolled on his phone. I grabbed my phone to send Sarah a text and let her know what’s going on with me. 

Me: Hey girl! I have updates! How are you?

Sarah: Hey! I have updates too, you go first. How’s my Lily girl? How’s Jensen?

Me: She’s doing great. He stayed last night. We had sex, it was amazing..Like REALLY amazing, then I almost screwed it up and told him I loved him. 

Sarah: Wait, you what?! You told him you loved him?! That's huge girl? Did he say it back? What did he say? Oh, and girl I NEED details. 😉

Me: He didn’t say it back. In fact he left afterwards, but he came back. He said he was scared, and I understand. We talked when he came back and now we are making breakfast. So, how’s things going with Steve?

Sarah: Steve is great. Perfect gentleman and our date went great. We ended up back at his place. 

Me: Did you two have sex?! 👀

Sarah: No, not yet, but that’s partly because we didn’t have protection. 😂

Me: Girl….I don’t want a niece or nephew right now. You better be safe.

Sarah: Always. Give my love to Lily. I gotta run. Steve and I are heading into a store. Love you, Y/N.

Me: I will. Have fun, and I love you too. 

“Lily, go wash up. Breakfast is ready.” I called from the kitchen. Jensen stood and stretched. Revealing the bottom of his torso and showing me the soft skin of his navel. I bit my lip thinking about last night. My body still tingled. 

We sat down to eat and I noticed Lily was devouring her bacon. “Lily, honey. Is the bacon that good?” I chuckled. All she said was, “mmm”. 

“Well, baby, Jensen cooked it today. He did good, didn’t he?” 

Lily stopped eating, looked at her plate and then up at Jensen. She climbed out of her chair and walked over to him. 

She stood by his chair and he moved back a bit. Lily walked up to him, placed her hand on his chest and looked at him. I looked at Jensen and he looked at me. I’d never seen her do this before, so I was confused about what she was doing. 

With her hand on his chest, she looked up at him and said, “Love Jensen.” I gasped and so did he. He scooped her up and held her tightly. Kissing the top of her head. Tears fell heavy and fast from my eyes.

“Wow, looks like both my girls love me. I am one lucky man.” His eyes flicked to mine and then down at Lily. She snuggled into his arms, “I love you too, Lily, and (he turned towards me) I love you too.” 

My breath hitched. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She let him go and wiggled out of his arms, climbing back in her chair to finish eating. 

Jensen took the opportunity to walk over to me. He took my hands in his and pulled me up to him. “Jensen, you didn’t have to say it.” “I know, sweetheart. I wanted to, because I mean it. I love you and Lily so much. Being with you two is exactly where I’m supposed to be. I love you, Y/N. I’m still scared, but I know we are in this together.” 

A few tears slipped out and Jensen wiped them away with his thumb, “Don’t cry baby. Please. Hearing you say you love me last night and hearing that sweet girl say it made me realize just how precious and rare what we have is. I’m all in baby, for as long as you’ll have me. 

I leaned into his chest, “How does forever sound, Jens?” He chuckled, kissed the top of my head and whispered, “Perfect”. 

Jensen and I fell into a comfortable rhythm over the next few weeks. Lily talked some, but mostly around or to Jensen. 

I had just gotten home from work and Sarah was bringing Lily home later. I jumped in the shower and changed into something more comfortable. Steve and Jensen were coming over dinner and a movie night. Sarah and I were cooking and I was baking dessert. 

Sarah and Steve were spending more and more time together and I could tell she was completely smitten by Steve. I had already told him if he hurt her I would make sure he was never able to have children. Jensen roared when I told him that. Steve looked genuinely scared, Sarah was embarrassed. 

Dinner and the movie went great. Steve and Jensen chatted in the living room while Sarah and I went into the kitchen. Lily was in her favorite spot, on Jensen’s lap. 

“Y/N, Steve invited me back to his place tonight. I’m so nervous.” I smiled, “It’s going to be fine. Just make sure you do what you’re comfortable with, and don’t feel any pressure.” Steve said that too. It’s just been so long since I, well, you know. I don’t want to be bad at it and it ruins what Steve and I have.” “Sarah, I promise it won’t be bad. The first time with someone new is always awkward, but you two will figure it out.” We were hugging when Steve and Jensen walked in the room. “Wow, we let them out of our sight for one minute and we’re already been replaced.” Jensen said laughing. I playfully rolled my eyes, “Nobody can replace her.” I smirked and kissed his lips. 

Steve looked at Sarah, “Are you ready to head out?” He asked softly. She nodded and hugged me. When I pulled her close I whispered, “You’ve got this, and details later.” I squeezed her tight and let her go. 

After Steve and Sarah left Jensen and I snuggled on the couch. “She’s good for him, you know?” Jensen broke the silence. “I hope so. She’s like a sister to me. I can’t stand the thought of her being hurt.” 

Jensen turned me towards him, “Hey, baby. I promise. He was telling me tonight how much he really likes her. They were heading back to his place tonight. If I’m being honest I was surprised they hadn’t already had sex.” My eyes went wide, “What? Why?” Jensen chuckled, “Hey, relax. It’s not what you think. I just know how much Steve likes her.” 

“Well, she really likes him too. I hope tonight is great for both of them.” 

Jensen chuckled softly, “Well, maybe we should head to bed ourselves. I’ve got a couple ideas on how to make tonight great for both of us.” 

“Just a couple? You’re slipping Ackles.” He kissed me and pulled me to the bedroom. 

The next morning we woke up to Lily jumping on the bed. Jensen rolled over and moved so Lily could climb in between us. “Lily, baby. Mama needs more sleep. It’s too early.” “Mama, up.” 

I tried to pull the blanket over my head but she kept pulling it down. “Fine, I’m up.” Jensen chuckled and stretched. The three of us made our way out to the kitchen. 

Jensen made coffee while I fixed a bowl of cereal for Lily. I was about to ask Jensen what he wanted to eat, but he started coughing hard and I looked at him. “Are you okay?” I asked him. 

“Yeah, guess I have a little tickle in my throat.” He coughed again and my brow scrunched. 

I handed him a bottle of water and he nodded, drinking it. 

By the afternoon I could tell Jensen was feeling bad. 

“Jens, are you sure you’re okay? You look like you don’t feel good.” 

“Yeah. I am feeling a little bit bad. I’ll be fine.” 

“Jensen, I think you’re sick.” I took his temperature, much to his dismay and he had a fever. 

I grabbed him some medicine and some water. “You need to rest. Go to bed and I’ll be in there in a minute.” 

“Sweetheart, I should go home if I’m sick. Lily hasn’t been out of the hospital long. I don’t want to make her sick.” 

“You won’t. It’s my job to take care of you. I’d like to think I’m your girlfriend, even if we haven’t made it official.” 

Jensen smiled and cupped my face, “You’re definitely more than that, baby.” 

I smiled and kissed his forehead, “Good, now bed.” 

He smirked, “Yes ma’am.” Jensen crawled back in the bed and I went to check on Lily.

“Sweetie, Jensen isn’t feeling good so he’s in bed. We have to do our best to keep it down so he can rest.” 

Her eyes flicked up at me and filled with concern. She climbed off the couch and ran to my bedroom. 

“Lily, honey. Come back.” Before I could stop her she was standing in the bedroom. “Lily, come on. Let Jensen rest.” 

Tears filled her eyes. Jensen saw her and it broke his heart, “Hey baby girl. I’m okay. Just a little cold.” 

He held his arms out and pulled her in for a hug. She crawled on the bed and sat beside him. 

“Lily, come on.” I tried to get her to leave but she just snuggled down into the bed. 

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Jensen chuckled, “I can’t imagine where she got her stubborn streak from. She’s okay. I promise.” 

I sighed, “Fine Lily, but you have to let him sleep.” She giggled. “I knew you two were gonna be trouble together. She’s already got you wrapped around her little finger.” 

“Since the day we met, right Lily?” Jensen laughed wearily. 

I went back into the living room, grabbed her stuffies and other things. When I walked back into the room the two of them were watching Supernatural together. 

Lily kept looking at Dean on the tv and then back to Jensen. Her smile grew wide. 

“Of course you two are watching this.” I laughed as I handed Lily her things. 

“Do you need anything?” I asked as I placed my hand on Jensen’s forehead. 

“Maybe my other girl snuggled beside me too.” “As much as I’d love to, I need to clean the house and do some laundry. I’ll be back soon to check on you two. Holler if you need anything.” I placed a kiss on his forehead and left. 

A few hours later and 2 loads of laundry I snuck in to check on Jensen and Lily. I found them both asleep. Lily snuggled to Jensen and his arm draped over her. I couldn’t help but snap a picture. 

My heart was so full looking at them. I crept back to the living room and finished folding the laundry. 

Lily woke up and wiggled out from the bed and came into the room with me. 

“Hey baby. Did you have a good nap?” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bedroom, pointing at Jensen. 

I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but I stepped closer to him. Soft snores left his slightly parted lips. 

Lily took my hand and placed it on Jensen. He was soaked. I knew what she was telling me. 

I picked her up and took her out of the room. “He’s okay baby. He’s sweating because his fever is gone. I promise he’s okay.” 

Lily stayed in the living room with me while Jensen slept. A few hours later he was awake and feeling a bit better. I told him what Lily did and he smiled. 

“Look at that. My Lily girl made the fever go away. Thank you baby girl.” 

She smiled. When he started coughing again she looked worried. 

Lily left the room quickly. “Wonder where she’s going.” I said. 

She came back with her moose and squirrel and handed them to Jensen. He smiled. “For me to get better?” She nodded. “Love dada.” 

I gasped. “Did she just..” my voice trailed off. Jensen smiled, “yeah she did.” 

“Jensen, I’m sorry. I…uh…” I started to panic. Everything was happening so fast I was afraid it would scare him off. 

“Hey, Y/N. Take a deep breath. It’s okay.” I took a deep, shaky breath. 

“Besides, I kinda like the sound of that.” 

Over the next week Jensen got better. He’d split his time between my house and his. We’d talked about Lily and I spending nights at his house so today the three of us were heading to pick out some things for Lily’s room at Jensen’s. He wanted her to be comfortable and was willing to get her whatever she wanted for her room. 

“Jensen, please don’t go overboard. She’ll be perfectly happy with a bed and dresser.” 

Jensen chuckled, “I promise I won’t go overboard.” He got a devilish look on his face and I knew I was in trouble. 

The three of us loaded up the car and Jensen headed towards the furniture store he frequented. 

Walking in I gasped softly. “Jensen, I can already tell this place is going to be out of my budget.” 

He stepped closer to me, “Not out of mine.” He kissed my lips and scooped Lily up and walked towards the kids section. 

I laughed, shook my head and followed them. A sales associate approached Jensen and I, “Is there anything particular you two are looking for?” She asked. 

Jensen pointed at Lily, “Whatever she wants.” She looked over at Lily and nodded. 

Lily walked around and Jensen was close by. I hung back and looked around too. I found a cute little bed, simple and perfect. Then I heard Lily squeal. 

My attention was instantly focused on her. She’d found a bed that looked like Cinderella’s carriage. There was a matching side table and dresser. The canopy sparkled under the showroom lights. 

The sales associate walked over and started talking to Jensen. “Seems like your little girl really likes this bed.” 

He chuckled then looked over at me then back to Lily. “Yeah. I think so too.” 

I stepped closer and I shook my head. “Jensen, this is too much. She doesn’t need a princess bed.” 

He walked over and sat beside her on the bed. “Yes she does, because she’s my princess. Isn’t that right Lily?” 

She snuggled close to him. “I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I?” 

He nodded, “Yep.” 

I sighed and shook my head. “If you say so. I still think it’s too much.” 

He kissed my lips, “Nothing will ever be too much for her or you.” I smiled and kissed him back, “Just try not to spoil her too much.” “No promises, darlin’.” 

Jensen paid for the bedroom set, a new mattress and delivery. He ordered the full size bed instead of the twin because Lily loved snuggles and it’s easier with a bigger bed. 

Before we left a few fans approached him and he took pictures and signed autographs. 

This was the first time I’d been with him since the convention where he was noticed. 

Getting into the car Jensen took my hand in his and kissed the back of it. “I think that was a successful shopping trip, don’t you?” 

I nodded. He knew something was wrong. “Baby, you okay?” “Yeah, it’s still just strange being out in public with you and people approach you. I guess I need to get used to it. 

He nodded in understanding, “I know. It can be a bit much, but I’ll be by your side the whole time.” 

We pulled back up to Jensen’s house and went in. Lily ran to play in the living room while Jensen and I went to the room that was going to be Lily’s. 

“Jensen, this room is huge.” “Nothing but the best for my girl. So I’m thinking of an area rug so she’s not sitting directly on the floor. This floor gets chilly. I’ll take care of all of it. The bedroom set will be here in a few days, so I’ll get my designer here to pick out the rug and other things for the room.” 

I just smiled and nodded. I knew it was pointless to argue. I kissed his lips softly, “You’re amazing, you know that.” He smirked, “I’ve been told a time or two.” 

We cleaned out the room and as I was sweeping the floor Jensen’s phone rang. “Hey, I’ll be back. I’ve got to take this.” I nodded and kept cleaning. 

When he came back into the room he let out a deep sigh. “Hey, we need to talk.” 

I swallowed hard, my heart pounded in my chest, “Sure, what’s going on Jensen?” “Well, a couple of things actually. That was my manager. Apparently someone took pictures of us today and posted them online. Lily’s face was hidden, so that’s good, but your face was not.” 

“Oh, so is your manager telling you to break up with me?” Jensen’s eyes went wide, “What?! No, they just wanted to let me know and wanted to see if I wanted to make a statement about us. That’s what I wanted to ask you, if you were okay with going public or not yet.” 

I sighed and let out the breath I was holding. “Um, I’m okay with whatever you want to do Jensen. This is all so new to me. I don’t want to mess your job up, so I will let you decide. I’m okay with whatever you think is best.” 

“Well, going public or keeping our relationship to ourselves right now have their advantages and disadvantages. If we go public we don’t have to sneak around, but that means your face and name will be in public, and unfortunately at the mercy of some nasty people at times. If we keep this between us, then we continue to keep things private, so not going out as much, and your name stays out of public. If we keep things private that means I attend events and parties alone, and if I’m being honest I don’t want that.”

I took a deep breath, “Let’s do it, Jensen. Let’s go public. I’m terrified, but I know you’re going to be by my side the whole time.” Jensen stepped closer to me and pulled me close, his lips ghosting mine, “You better believe it. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“So, what was the other thing you wanted to talk to me about?” He took a shaky breath, “Well, they bumped up my shooting schedule for one of the series I’m working on. I have to leave next week for California.” 

My heart sank, I got so used to him being at home I almost forgot he worked away from home. “I get it, you’ve got to go when they want you to. Lily and I will miss you like crazy, but we’ll be here waiting for you. Just promise you’ll FaceTime us. I don’t know if I can go long without seeing your handsome face.”

He smiled at me, “Yeah, I promise. I’ll call and FaceTime every single day.” 

The two of us walked into the living room and found Lily coloring and drawing. “You know, the hardest part is going to be telling her you’re leaving. She might try to hide in your suitcase.” We both laughed, but I was worried about her. 

“Well, what if we don’t have to tell her I’m leaving?” I looked at him confused, “Jensen, she’s going to realize you’re gone. Even if she can’t talk she’s going to feel your absence.” “No, what I mean is why don’t you two go with me?” “What?” “Yeah, Y/N, you and Lily go to California with me. When I’m not on set the three of us can explore the area and I can take my girls out in LA.” 

“Really? You want us to go with you?” He nodded enthusiastically, “Yes!” “Well, I’d have to talk to my boss, but I don’t see why not. I think she’d love that. I know I would.” 

He pulled me flush to his body and kissed my lips, “I’d like it too, sweetheart.” 

The next few days we went about our normal lives. Jensen told his manager he was going to go public with our relationship, but he would do it his way. They agreed. Lily was sitting in between Jensen and I on the couch when there was a knock at the front door. 

I got up to answer it, looking out the peephole I gasped. Jensen was by my side quickly, “What’s wrong?” “Um, it’s David. Lily’s father.” 

“What the hell does he want?” “I don’t know. I haven't seen him since I found out I was pregnant. What should I do?” 

“Go ahead and open the door. I’m right here, baby.” I nodded and opened the door. He smirked when I opened the door, “Hey Y/N. Long time. What's it been, 7 years?” “David, what the hell are you doing here?” 

“Well, I saw you on Instagram. I see you went ahead and had the baby. I’m here to meet my daughter.” 

I scoffed, “Your daughter?!  Where the hell have you been the past 7 years of her life?! She’s not your daughter, she’s mine.” I practically growled. 

He looked past me and saw Lily on the couch, “Hey sweetie, it’s daddy. Why don’t you come say hello.” Lily wouldn’t look at him. 

Jensen stood between us, “I think you should leave.” “Who are you, pretty boy?” Jensen’s jaw tightened, “I’m the one that’s been here with Y/N and her daughter. Like I said, I think you should leave.” 

“Not happening until I meet my daughter.” “David, please leave. You’re going to upset Lily. She doesn’t do well with strangers. If you even care about her a little bit you’ll leave.” 

“What do you mean she doesn’t do well around strangers? I’m not a stranger. I’m her father. Lily, come here baby. Come to daddy.” 

I could see Jensen’s jaw get tighter. Lily ran to Jensen’s leg and grabbed him. “Dada up.” 

David looked at me and then Jensen, “What’s wrong with her?” “She’s autistic, David and doesn’t talk much. Please leave.” 

“Wow, what did you do to her that caused this?” Tears fell from my eyes, “I didn’t do anything, she was born this way you asshole.” 

Lily buried her face in Jensen’s neck and clung tightly to him. Jensen stepped between David and I, “Let me ask you something. If you're her father then tell me when is her birthday? What about her favorite TV show, color? How does she like her bacon? What’s her favorite stuffy? A REAL father would be able to answer all of that. You aren’t her father, you’re just the man who knocked up her mother and then left. Now, I’m not going to ask you again to leave.” 

David scoffed, “You know what, you can have both of them. I never wanted her and she’s just an easy lay. Good luck with her.” He turned on his heels and walked away. 

I closed the door and let out the breath I was holding and the tears fell. Lily clung to Jensen, “My daddy.” “Yes, baby. I’m your daddy and I love you beyond the stars.” 

“Speaking of which, Y/N, let’s make that announcement now. I’m ready if you are.” I nodded. He picked a picture he took of us, both of us looking at the camera and smiling, and another picture of us kissing. “Are these two okay with you?” I smiled and nodded, “Perfect, Jensen.” 

He posted both photos to Instagram, tagging me, and captioned it with: I can’t believe I get to call you mine. I love you beyond the stars, Y/N. Now and forever. 🥰 💗

When my phone went off I smiled and commented: “You better believe it. Now and forever, Jens.” 

He smiled, looked at me and kissed my lips. “There, now there is no mistaking who my heart belongs to. I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Jensen.” 

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[bluebellowl]

Hello Bluebell! I LOVE your art style! It’s mesmerizing! As an autistic person, I enjoy submas thoroughly, and your content brings a smile to my face! So if you don’t mind, here’s a mindless rant about your fnaf au(I’m not even that big of a fnaf fan, your art is just that good)

None of the other animatronics are really allowed to interact with the twins, and they only us the transport when needed to move through the pizzaplex without being spotted. The twins are used to aid with the transport of of items(which is why they are so tall and bulky. Why hire staff to move work items around the place when you can use scrap to build animatronics for cheap that you don’t have to pay) they are beloved by the behind the scenes workers, and especially the engineers/mechanics. The twins are active 24/7, and can receive minor charge through their feet via the floor. When not moving people or work items, they patrol the warehouse area to ensure no intruders. Despite appearances, they love children and carry various candy/merch to give to them. When controlled by the virus, ingo acts as a lure due to his voice box, and he uses his booming voice to stun victims. Emmett is the one who catches the intruders due to his better movement. The victims are often taken to vanny, and in this state they believe they are helping a lost child find their way home. They are unaware they are dooming them to a worse fate. Both twins are semi fixable using parts you find scattered randomly around the plex and hidden details in the repair area. If both are recruited as allies they will defend you against music man and guide you through the subway tunnels to avoid detection. They get really messed up in the music man altercation, and when elesa and company come across them, the damage is too extensive to repair them both separately, so they are temporarily combined into an amalgam of both twins. They maintain their individual personalities and return to help the player in the burntrap fight. They lead the group out of the burning pizza plex. This is only unlocked if both are saved and allied. If only one is allied the other will become hyper aggressive and will become incredibly dangerous; Afton has complete control over them. If neither are rescued they wander the area under the pizza plex in search of their counterpart. They later return as enemies as you make your way down to the cellar in this version. They will ambush the player if they leave Freddy for too long. Their state is greatly deteriorated and they at this point are mindless murder drones. Anyways that’s all for now! Have a marvelous day!

First of all, thank you so much. I'm so happy you enjoy my fnaf submas AU so much >w<

And sorry for taking so long. I tend to gather asks until one day I actually answer them.

I am reading your idea with great interest, oh my~!

It's very different from what I'm imagining them as, but that's not a bad thing at all!

Using them more as working bots, instead of entertainment, is a great idea! I was wondering how they'd get in contact with visiting kids, but maybe they show up whenever stock needs to be refilled, carrying large crates and such, and you know kids! Big heavy machinery that moves stuff around productively??? Like tractors and trucks and trains??? Crazy cool to a lot of kids!! And then maybe there's an appeal of the odd ones out, the only animatronics that aren't in the stage light. Despite their tall statue, just feeling more down to earth, unlike the always locked away Glamrock colleagues.

(The actual upkeep of labor animatronics would probably be FAR more than any human worker driving forklifts, but nonono slave animatronics it is!)

I love how you think in gameplay! Imagine as the player the only media you see of them are children's drawings, fanart, stuff like that, cus since they're only labor bots they don't get official ads.

Both submas being completely out of it when under the virus works so well too! They want to serve and make people happy. They couldn't possibly comprehend that following orders could mean harming them!

I also love the idea of FazEnt not caring enough about them to invest enough money to fix them both. Why would they? Their software is one animatronic already; why not make them so in hardware too?

Enter: Jürgen!

Or it's like a robotic DID situation, one taking the backseat as the other is in control, being able to switch back and forth as needed. Another game mechanic?

If only one is befriended, I could see the other getting aggressive cus he thinks you're stealing his brother! I like to think they're super protective of each other.

[repostedpoliticalarts]

Some things to consider:

Our doctor started us on the LOWEST dose possible: .25mg and we adjusted to the meds. This is NOT medically induced bulemia, and if it is the dosage should definitely be adjusted. There was some nausea but it was easily manageable with some ginger chews. I experienced no noticeable effects at this dose whatsoever and I know this because I did regular weigh-ins and kelt a journal. Other than occasional nausea my eating habits and appetite remained the same.

We decided to increase to .5mg/week after a month and i started to see some very slow progress. Our electronic scale that measures not only weight but body composition (fat%, muscle, water, bone) confirmed that my losses this year have all been primarily fat stores. This has been correlated with my clothes fitting better and my being able to return to some of my older clothes I didn’t want to throw out.

At .5 i noticed that while i still had a good appetite the one major thing that changed was that my psychological guilt over “wasting food” vanished. I grew up pretty financially limited and wasting food is a guilt i carry around to this day. This means I’ll eat leftovers before they go bad because I can’t stand the thought of food being wasted. What surprised me is that I started being able to leave food on my plate, even if just scraps, and throw it away without a trace of guilt. Which was surprising because I assumed that was entirely about upbringing and psychology, but apparently there is a physical link there.

My wife reported that the “food noise” in her head, just thinking about food, planning meals, feeling the push/pull of temptation evaporated. Which obviously helped her mental state.

Eventually I moved up to 1mg/week and was seeing the most progress not in just my appearance but in my ability to move and feel comfortable in various positions without feeling my weight literally restricting what I could do. I was only on that for two months when insurance sent a letter saying they would only cover the .5 pen and only till Dec 31, 2025. So I had to pull back. I haven’t lost an ounce since but have maintained at that level.

I’m concerned about gaining back what I lost when my supply runs out. But my doctor says that data shows some regain but almost no one going back to baseline weight. I’ve heard some people quit and get crazy binging cravings, so my plan is to ration out what I have left and slowly wean off the injections at lower and lower doses. Slow on, slow off. So that it’s not a shock to my system.

Again, my doctor would like me to still be on it, and I CAN still technically take it. But the smallest dose I’ve had, which does nothing for me starts at $700 a month. This is literally just making ozempic a luxury drug for rich people.

Also, my wife doesn’t have diabetes but she is at an extremely high risk of developing it because of her genetics and family history, it killed her father while she was still in college. So this drug is being DENIED to her, even though it could help PREVENT her from DEVELOPING diabetes. So IF she gets type II diabetes she can have the drug, but NOT before, even though it can help her.

Asinine.

Fuck insurance companies. People’s healthcare should be free (for one) and their choices of what they need, what is necessary, what is helpful, should be entirely between them and their doctors.

I have been debating sharing this for some time, but with the new year weight loss ads amping up, I feel it's something I have to say. I'm worried for people's health.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably already know about people taking the diabetic drug ozempic for weight loss. You've probably heard the debates about the ethics of taking needed drugs away from diabetes patients and maybe even the side effect of "ozempic face." However, there is one side effect of taking these drugs that, in my opinion, people are not being warned about.

If you carefully pay attention to the television ads, you will hear them mention "pancreatitis" as a possible side effect. If you're like me a decade ago, that word probably means nothing to you. Let me warn you, however, it is no minor thing. My husband suffered from chronic pancreatitis for five agonizing years. The pain is beyond comprehension. Doctors who specialize in the pancreas describe it as the worst pain a human can endure. There is no actual cure. Little is understood about the disease, so treatment is difficult. Doctors who understand it are few and far between. It took my husband forever to get diagnosed. He went through multiple surgeries and procedures, but nothing worked. He had to go on an extremely limiting diet. If he varied from it in any way, he would have an attack. The only way to recover from an attack was to not eat at all for days, then slowly add in broth and jello. Did he lose weight? Yes. As a matter of fact, one day he stepped out of the shower, and I burst into tears at the sight of him. He was skin and bones - I could count every rib. Was it worth it to be thin? If you even ask that question, I'm concerned for your mental health.

They couldn't figure out exactly why my husband got pancreatitis. At that time, they thought only alcoholics and drug addicts got pancreatitis. This made it difficult to get compassionate medical care, unfortunately. Now they know that prescription medication (particularly diabetic medication) and high cholesterol can also cause it. Then there is another group - where they just don't know. But you better believe I would hesitate to take any medication that could cause pancreatitis. I would weigh my options carefully to assess if it was worth the risk. In my opinion, weight loss is not worth that risk.

My concern has been heightened seeing the Hers commercials for these drugs (under different names, but rest assured, it is the same thing). These commercials brag that you can get these drugs from Hers with just a simple virtual call, no questions asked. I wonder if people are fully aware of the risks of these drugs. I also wonder if we even know all of the risks yet. I also fear that the culture around these drugs could develop into an us vs. them mentality. That if it's so easy to be thin, why wouldn't you be? And some are getting dangerously thin on these drugs.

I know some diabetics who are on these drugs, and necessarily so. They tell me that it causes nausea when they eat. That's why they don't eat much. Again, that doesn't sound like a pleasant way to live. If you need it to regulate your blood sugar, that's one thing. But if you don't? Why would you do this to yourself?

My husband is now healed of pancreatitis. It was a miracle. You may not believe in that sort of thing, but I'm telling you, there is no other explanation. We had exhausted every medical solution, then the pandemic hit. We were concerned because hospitals were only taking life or death cases. What if he had a bad attack and needed an iv of pain meds? What would we do? Weeks passed - no pain. A month passed - no pain. Six weeks passed - no pain. He decided to grill a steak - something he hadn't been able to even take a nibble of in 5 years. I watched him take a bite, holding my breath. Nothing. He ate the whole thing. No pain. Five years later, still no pain. The doctors can't explain it, either.

So our story has a happy ending. Not everyone else's does. I hope people take the time to read this. If you do, please, please share it. I don't want anyone suffering needlessly.

[the-100-days-of-junkan]

Day 97

Smile by Kayleen756894

Same as when we covered Burning Lungs, check the tags for this fic before ya jump in cause it gets pretty dark even within the first chapter. 

It’s a big day for the project people, I mentioned back on Day 60 that there were three fics that I consider directly responsible for this entire thing since they’re what set me on this path of a comically large amount of Junkan. And today we FINALLY talk about another one of them, even if I admittedly did cover a little bit of my history with this specific story during Day 60 for the sake of context. Apologies if I repeat myself a few times!

The previous few days I’ve been covering fic first, then the art. For this day however I’m going to cover the art first, along with any other bonus facts I have, and THEN i will do my best to adequately sing the praises of today’s stories.

Also let it be known that the music I put on while I read through the whole fic in preparation for today’s ramble was “LEASE” by Takeshi Abo. 10 hour loop too. Someone will find that funny probably, maybe even you!

(This is another long one, get ready)

Before I address the art I might as well have a little fun and discuss the order I decided to do these in, interesting I know.

Days 91-92 were easy, the first Soft Fic and the first fic to use the Non-Abusive Tag, they had to be the opener. Day 93 was one of the longer stories so I did that one first, since I did read each story before working on the art. From there it’s a pretty simple pattern of “Short Fic followed by a longer, more serious fic that I gotta psyche myself up for.” And it was done pretty much with todays subject in mind, but we’ll get for it. 

You’ll notice I have two different art pieces today, the reason is simple. I wasn’t very happy with the initial art, so I made a much more direct adaptation of a scene from the first chapter to go with it. And in a rare instance I can also bring you some early versions of the initial piece!

From the initial sketch you can see that this was supposed to be a proper cover for the story, as I wanted to feature scenes from each of the three chapters, that middle shot is one I’ve had in my mind since the first time I read the story. Those who have read the fic can probably recognize each one. The second image was almost the final version of this. I scrapped the lower portion of the art for a few reasons. The flames of burnout were miniscule but still present, though rest assured these would not come into play until after the point of when the fanfic art is all finished. Secondly, when I was supposed to work on this art, a power outage hit my house. This also meant that in terms of making the art I only had the first chapter read, anything else was purely memory (Like I said though, I read the full fic for todays ramble, rest assured). And thirdly, I kinda, just thought it didn’t look good? And as you can see this version had details cut despite how far into the process it was, fully removing the expressions outside of the two smiling. Cause y’know . . . “Smile.” Plus in retrospect the eyes, while striking compared to the rest of the art, look kinda fucking silly?

Why didn’t I like the end result? Honestly I think I was just in a bad headspace at the time due to the combination of the power out stressing me out, and just generally speaking my mental health has never been the most structurally sound aspect of myself. I’m good at drawing, not so much being well put together. Looking at it now, while I think the piece is a bit esoteric and might not be what I’d make today for a piece based on this fic, I like it a lot.

And at the end of the dead even if I didn’t like how the first one turned out, I’m pretty happy with it! Even with perfectionist brain bitching at me that I could have done Junko’s hair a bit better at the given angle. Just a straight adaptation of Junko and Mikan’s first kiss from Chapter 1. The most interesting note on it’s creation is that I had to make last minute changes to Mikan because I realized her hair needed to be a lot shorter and more well put together, as earlier in the fic Junko does fix it up a bit. 

Oh! I did also send the second pic to the author herself as a way of introducing myself and showing appreciation, so that’s a bit of added sentimental value! Kayleen’s an absolute treat by the way, super fun to talk too, great insight on writing, you should absolutely check out the rest of her writing! I’m not in most of the fandoms featured say for RWBY, but based on the quality of her writing on the Danganronpa side of things, I feel confident recommending anything she’s published in the past, present, and future!~ 

Speaking of writing, I should probably like. Talk about the god damn fic, huh? Well. Nope! I still have more fun facts!

I almost didn’t adapt Smile! I knew for certain that Kayleen needed a spot on this list, it would have felt wrong otherwise. And there were two fics in mind for adaptation.

“Smile”, obviously, and “Soft (But only for Her).” My earliest plan was going to be to just do both. However I only had 8 days to work with, and spoilers, Day 98 is in fact a returning author, so I didn’t want to take up half of my slots on two authors, I wanted to show my appreciation to as many as I could during this string of the event before going back to my own stuff for the last two days. So I thought it over, and decided that Smile was too important to pass up on this project, leaving Soft (But only for Her) for later.

I did have a full plan for it though, unlike Smile where I didn’t really have an idea going into it. I’ll tell you what the plan was gonna be.

Most people would be curious which of the around 30 wonderful one shots I could have chosen to adapt, I’ve already done one of them with the very first chapter in that collection! However you my audience, are not most people. There’s a good chance you’re reading this paragraph, rubbing your temples and resigning yourself to the fact that I was very much going to draw art based on every single piece of that collection. Because yes I was just gonna adapt all of it. Was gonna make a big collage out of all of em, even the chapters that have so much angst I struggle to even read them cause they make me too sad! I’d still do it too. I probably will. When you least expect it. 

For now though I really wanna draw something based on Chapter 25 when I have the time. I wanna draw art based on a lot of other fanfics actually, I’ve just been pretty swamped. But rest assured, to those of you who’ve written a Junkan fic and weren’t featured. Rest assured, I have my eyes open, I’m always looking that tag over, and there were definitely some stories omitted that I really wish I could have included IN the project. Give it time. My self control grows weaker by the day!~

Okay, okay. NOW, I should be able to talk about the fic. Probably.

So I’ve told this story before, but now you’ll get to hear it in a bit more detail compared to before. Will hopefully not be too repetitive for ya’ll!

So once again we jump back a few years during say, 2020, MAYBE early 2021. I find a fic that includes Junkan when I was simply trying to find Ikuzono. It ends up being pretty cute and makes me curious, “I thought this ship was super toxic? How is this one so cute?”

So, I look around the tag, still not sure how to Navigate AO3 even after gaining a lot of experience through the power of many late night tokomaru binges. And as you already knew or could guess, I came across Smile.

At the time it only had 2 chapters, which normally might have turned me away at the time, I wasn’t a desperate animal like I am today. However I guess I either ignored that, or just didn’t care, too curious to see what else this ship could entail.

So here I am, sitting in my bed, writing this ramble, trying to figure out once again how to talk about one of the fics that set me off on this obsession with Junko and Mikan as a softer, loving couple. That and also a fic that is much more serious in terms of its tone and content, as this fic, like Drowning, is one of the only fics in this stretch of the project that is definitely set in the main canon of DR. Serving as essentially a new origin for Junkan as a couple prior to the tragedy. 

I’m sure I’ve said before that when it comes to how I view Junko and Mikan’s relationship, that Val’s work is basically the primary blueprint for how I interpret and portray them. However that’s for the Non-Despair AUs, while there is some bleed over in how I handle Canon portrayals (And I admittedly haven’t done a lot with a serious interpretation of that), in my brain this story, Smile, is the blueprint of how I view a canon timeline version of Junkan. That might just be bias from it being the first fic I read that like, but it does kind of help that this is just one of the most excellently written interpretation of these characters I’ve ever bared witness to.

The first chapter was originally supposed to be a Standalone according to the Author’s Notes, and it really works as one! It’s a very complete story that’s super well put together, and ends very satisfyingly if you just stop after finishing it. I’m extremely glad it continued, as I don’t think my obsession would have come to fruition when it did if not for those following two chapters. But maybe I’m wrong cause this fic certainly knows how to hook you on a ship!

I was god damn mesmerized reading the first chapter. This has to be one of the saddest takes on Mikan’s character that I’ve ever read. Burning Lungs comes close however we never get to actually see things from her perspective, that’s all from Junko’s outsider point of view. Here we get to see it all from Mikan’s perspective, all of it, the sad stuff, the extra sad stuff, the stuff I don’t really know how to talk about because I’m inadequate with this kind of subject matter. And some gay panic, because it’s not Junkan without at least a little gay panic somewhere in the mix.

Junko is really god damn good in this first chapter, she’s god damn good in the whole fic but we’re talking about chapter one right now so i’m specifying. She has such a mysterious aura around her the entire time, and not just the obvious “Oh she’s planning the tragedy behind the scenes,” but also the mystery of how she feels about Mikan! It’s something left up to viewer interpretation in the first chapter, and to a much lesser extent the following chapters (I say lesser extent cause it does eventually lean into her having real feelings for Mikan, just being super confused by them. At least that’s how I look at it). Everytime I read one of these stories that serve as an origin point for these two’s relationship, it’s always really interesting to see how things initiate. It’s pretty much always Junko initiating of course, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a fic where it was Mikan who made the first move? If there is I’m having a severe lapse in memory it seems, or I’ve misinterpreted! The point of course being I really like the way Junko handles things here, saving Mikan from her darkest point, all that good shit! 

And the kiss? I drew it for a reason, it’s amazing. From the buildup to the way Mikan has a rare instance of boldness and grabs Junko’s tie? The grabbing the tie part makes my brain explode, the fact that Junko herself was surprised by it is even better. I love it whenever Mikan can actually get Junko surprised or flustered. It’s great!

I feel like I should be more detailed, more meticulous, but it really is a struggle trying to be in depth when discussing something this good, I wouldn’t consider it my strong suit? 

So let’s try moving onto chapter 2! I do at least have a story with this one but that can be for when I finish desperately trying to talk about the chapter itself. 

It’s lovely! Big shock! We get to see the two of them just acting like a normal couple for a bit, and even better we get to see the two partaking in some sleepy cuddles. That scene also does one of those Junkan things I fuckin love where Junko just, fucking reads Mikan’s mind. I know that’s not what she’s doing but also it’s funnier to put it that way. I just like Junko putting her analytical ability to use by reading Mikan and understanding her finer details. It can be used in all kinds of ways, cute ways, funny ways, saucy ways, but this might just be my favorite way? Her being able to tell when Mikan’s about to spiral and snapping her out of it quick. 

Their date is lovely by the way, love the drive there, the conversation is just a treat. And I really like the reference to the grenade scene from the DR3 anime, I might not have fond memories with that series like, at all, but that one clip of Junko tossing the grenade and Mukuro (We’ll get to her) catching it is just a really fun bit of energy. It’s also just fucking funny because it reads like they practiced that shit for like 2 fuckin weeks- Sorry, distracted. Anyway I think the scene is both a fun reference, and another good way to kinda remind of us the darker parts of this storyline underlying the softer surface. Junko is in fact trying to burn the world down, she just also happens to have a tooth rotting-ly sweet relationship with a very sad nurse. The moments where Mikan unintentionally peers into that world, whether hearing an explosion or seeing the red roots of Junko’s true haircolor, I love it all!

Great moment with Mikan helping that kid from bullies, always love to see Mikan flourishing in these stories (foreshadowing)! I think it is very funny that the small child just immediately clocked that Mikan and Junko were dating, the kid either has a crazy gaydar or Mikan and Junko are the least subtle people alive . . . okay yeah it’s that second one.

The following scene is great too, fuck those parents, and fuck yeah to Junko coming in for the clutch as she is one to do in this fic. The kiss to follow? Fantastic. Junko’s joke about exhibitionism? Also fantastic. The part where Mikan says she’s gonna go see her parents- Fuck.

Okay so, I’mma make the assumption that if you’re this deep into my ramble you’ve probably read the fic already. And if you skipped out on the fic due to the subject matter noted in the tags, you can probably already tell by my apprehension that everything in this fic from here on out is like, the opposite end of the spectrum from all the sweet (albeit ominous) stuff we’ve had up till now. And you’d be correct, and I quite frankly don’t know how to talk about it, like, at all. There are parts of this that I do wanna talk about from this and the following chapter, but also I feel neither confident nor comfortable explicitly discussing what happens to Mikan here. Even if you can probably already tell.

Still, I must show my respects to the literature and it’s author, so I will do my best. Apologies if I fumble here.

I’m still not gonna talk in depth about Mukuro here, but I do like the conversation leading up to this scene, before Mikan shows up. It’s something that was going to inevitably come up, because yeah, Junko can make Mikan fall deeply in love with her, but that won’t exactly prepare her for being complicit in the apocalypse. There’s a part of me that’s curious what her gameplan was before the end of this chapter happens, how was she going to try and turn Mikan over to her side 100% and make sure she’s ready. The world will never know.

Junko’s great at the end of this chapter, not just the comfort she provides. But the way she, in the words of the story, Snaps. That line? That stuck with me when I first read this. I think it’s the moment that confirmed for me personally, that yeah, Junko does love Mikan even if she doesn’t understand it. And it wasn’t just that moment that stuck with me, it was the whole fic by this point.

That’s right, it's story time. So when I found this fic, there were only two chapters. And I wanna remind ya’ll that before this fic I read a fic so silly, soft, and fluffy that it made me question what this ship could be. Jumping from that, to this was definitely . . . Whiplash?

What happened after that is fun, because I don’t fucking remember. I think unironically the amount of stress that ending put me under just from the shock of it, made me fuckin black out?? Which by the way, huge kudos, it takes some really fucking good writing to get me so invested that I get real life stressed as shit because of bad things happening to the characters. But anyway, I didn’t actually just, black out from stress. But everything after that is so blurred that it’s borderline incomprehensible, I try to remember past that point, and it’s like looking at memories put through a paper shredder before being put back together by a toddler doing a handstand. 

All I can say for sure is that starting from the morning after, I was obsessed. I woke up, and kept fucking checking to see if Chapter 3 was out yet. I hadn’t checked the time of the latest update, I still barely fucking understood how AO3 actually worked. I’m pretty sure it was through this fic that I learned that when a fic updates it moves to the top of the page for a given tag. This was also way before I had an AO3 account, so I couldn’t just subscribe or bookmark it. I’m sure I read other fics at this point, probably including Kayleen’s other works? But the timespan between Chapter 2 and 3 feel like white noise, whatever I read didn’t exist in my memories by the time that story ended. And god damn did it end.

When Chapter 3 popped up, it was late I’m pretty sure. I don’t know what I was doing at the time, maybe looking at manga online, talking with friends over discord dms, failing homework over online school, maybe even doing some of my own writing since i’m pretty sure this was back before my passion for it died out. Whatever it was, I dropped it fucking IMMEDIATELY. I needed to see this ending, I needed that catharsis.

So I layed in my bed, in a house I was still new to, and read the god damn chapter.

It was perfect. One of the first times to my knowledge where I’ve had the satisfaction of reading an unfinished fic and getting to actually see it end.

Where do I start, what do I even say? Anything I say just kind of boils down to “Junko and Mikan are perfectly written and I love their interactions and also god dammit I feel so bad for Mikan.”

The scene on the rooftop is great, I remember in one of Kayleen’s other fics Mikan shows concern for Junko’s eating habits, so getting to this scene and seeing the reverse was nice. And like, god, Junko’s so good in this. I get she’s trying to start the end of the world but she’s doing such a fucking good job here. Sure, she asks Mikan to kill her parents right after this, which might not be the most normal way of helping your girlfriend through a severely traumatic experience, but that’s just Junko y’know? 

Should I talk about Mukuro now? I should probably talk about Mukuro now, I really wanted to wait like one more scene but fuck it we’re talking about Mukuro now. 

Have I ever really talked about Mukuro in the context of Junkan? I know I’ve definitely made note of her, and I’ve obviously included her in these pieces with varying degrees of prominence. But I don’t think I’ve ever noted how I think she’s is one of the most interesting and amazing assets of Junkan as a ship. Calling Mukuro an asset feels like a disservice, but I lack the words to adequately describe what I mean here. 

The Despair Sisters are already one of the most interesting dynamics in Danganronpa, and a pretty versatile one at that based on the various interpretations I’ve seen of these two. And I think adding Junkan into the mix is just lovely, because it adds an outsider perspective, but not just that, it’s the outsider perspective of someone who’s closer than anyone else due to Mikan dating Junko. Bonus for the contrast of Junko pampering Mikan and shit talking Mukuro, even if I believe that shit talking is just a very layered way for Junko to express that she does care about Mukuro as a sister. 

And I think Mukuro and Mikan is a really fun dynamic too! I love the idea of Mikan finding love through Junko, and then in turn getting a second person in her life that cares about her. Mukuro being Mikan’s bodyguard bare minimum is great, protect that sweet little nurse you desaturated girliepop you. But I think the way their dynamic can evolve overtime as Mikan continues to date Junko is great. 

Mukuro getting to see firsthand how Mikan is changing Junko for the better, even if it’s in a canon timeline where Junko’s still like, very locked in on the apocalypse. She’s getting to be happier in a more genuine way, which I’m sure Mukuro would be grateful for, and that just makes her caring about Mikan’s wellbeing all the better.

Plus like, something I don’t think about often, at least not until very recently, but if Junko and Mikan are dating, and inevitably get married. That does just kinda mean Mikan and Mukuro are sisters in law. And, I fuckin love that? Mikan not only gets an amazing relationship with Junko, but she also just gets to have a sibling, something that to my knowledge she doesn’t have in canon. It’s that found family stuff that I love, even if the found family in this case is a bit more literal rather than just being a metaphor. And Mukuro gets a new sister, one who cares about her just as much as Junko, but is just significantly better at expressing that by comparison. I think Mukuro would really appreciate having a sister who like, hugs her without slinging an insult, or just getting any kind of open, visceral appreciation without having to read between the lines. 

I love to see Mikan with plenty of friends, she has a bunch of dynamics that I appreciate. But I also have a lot of appreciation for the idea of Junko and Mukuro being the only people she cares about, the only people she needs to survive. 

Where was I- Oh right.

Kayleen’s depiction of Mukuro and her dynamic with our other two primary characters is amazing. Spectacular even. Fucking perfect perhaps. It does everything I love about the Despair Sister’s dynamic without bordering into uncomfortable territory like some facets of the main canon does. But what I especially love is her dynamic with Mikan in the few moments we get to see them interact. A protector, a friend, and eventually a sister to her, it’s amazing. The scene when Mikan wakes up to Mukuro watching over her while Junko is away is phenomenal, and I love Mikan’s concern for her given the way Junko treats her, which does look pretty bad without the deeper context. The moment at the very end of Chapter 2 where Mukuro just heads off to (I assume) kidnap Mikan’s parents after just sharing a look with Junko, it’s another one of my favorite bits in that scene.

And of course, the scene that lead me to start yapping about Mukuro like that out of fucking nowhere, her talking to Mikan about Junko’s test. It’s great how she tries to help Mikan come to a decision without forcing anything. But also finally giving some more confirmation that Junko definitely feels something for Mikan, expressing how many changes in her demeanor she’s noted. And the reveal that Junko routinely struggles with Nightmares whenever Mikan isn’t around?? Fuck I love that. God dammit. 

I feel like I should talk more about this scene, but I feel like I kinda did? To an extent? A lot of what I just said about Mukuro’s place in this dynamic kinda sums up a lot of the great things about this scene. So I suppose we move on.

The buildup to the big scene of this chapter is wonderful of course, not much to say there. And I admittedly just really want to talk about the scene that follows.

Because god it’s everything I was hoping for when I finished that second chapter and had no idea whether I’d see this scene or not. 

The reveal is great, and as grotesque as I anticipated. I do cringe a little reading some of the details, not the modern dickhead definition of cringe either I mean the “Oh god fuck that’s brutal” kind of cringe. And it is so perfectly contrasted by Junko being Junko, love the idea that Junko and Mukuro just nabbed up these people and didn’t explain a goddamn thing until this very moment where they finally figure out that this crazy bitch is dating their daughter. Mukuro punching Mikan’s dad in the face was fucking great too. 

And the buildup to what comes next, is so god damn good. It feels weird out of context celebrating it, but the scene where Mikan breaks? Fucking spectacular. The distortion on the word Red hits like a fucking truck, and also speaks to my childhood of being a creepypasta kid because i’m like, half sure that’s the zalgo text filter, correct me if I’m wrong of course. Point is it was an out of nowhere detail that perfectly emphasized the tensity of what’s about to happen.

And I can go on another tangent now, because this is something I have had no opportunity to talk about during the entire duration of this project. At least not to my memory or knowledge.

I love Angry Mikan. I love the Mikan that snaps and is fully over the edge, not willing to deal with anyones bullshit. I of course have criticisms of Chapter 3 in DR2, but Mikan’s reveal of her true self, or I suppose the herself prior to the NWP, I love that moment. 

I’ve never depicted Angry Mikan before, but someday I really want to. So until then I take great enjoyment in seeing such a rare side of Mikan, which itself is even rarer in these fics. I think counting this one there are only 3, maybe 4 other fics off the top of my head where we get to see Mikan fully lose her temper. Now of course, I could be suffering another lapse in memory, or I just haven’t read the other stories that feature it. I only think I’ve read like, 90% of the Soft Junkan out there, I can’t confidently claim I actually have for certain, so maybe I missed it! 

Point is, seeing Angry Mikan is a treat. And here especially is fucking amazing, the verbal teardown, the havoc of it all. It’s great. And Junko just adds to it with her sheer excitement (which is putting it lightly given some of the dialogue), getting to see Mikan finally become, from her perspective, the best version of herself. Someone who can survive alongside her. 

When things start moving, it’s amazing. A small moment I really love, and the moment I was originally gonna wait for to talk about Mukuro with. Her offering up an assortment of firearms from “Her personal collection.” is just, weirdly wholesome? The things I get to say talking about this ship I swear. I dunno, it feels like such a small, personal moment and offer that only Mukuro could provide, and feels like the perfect cap to Mikan and Mukuro’s dynamic throughout this fic.

Also, fucking enamored with the the presence of a Rocket Launcher. Funniest alternate timeline sitting right there, imagining Mikan with a fucking rpg over her shoulder is hilarious.

Junko offering the reverse side of the weaponry coin is lovely too of course, but it’s the wonderful stuff I’d already expect with Junko, so much less of a pleasant surprise like Mukuro. I do appreciate her keeping a knife used on Mikan’s father as a trophy though, imagine that over the fireplace.

Anyway I don’t know how I could really explain to you why the torture scene is nice. It’s catharsis, it’s just catharsis. I don’t even remember how fucking long I waited to read this moment but it was so worth it, Junko and Mukuro joining in to help setup equipment was also really cute . . . i feel like i shouldn’t be calling segments from a torture scene cute. Hm. Well anyway, I can say that while I appreciate its existence, I’m also glad Kayleen chose not to drag it out for too long. Ironic coming from the most excessive bitch around here, but it probably would have been a bit much if it took up the grander majority of this chapter.

Which means we say goodbye to Mukuro and return to our regularly scheduled Junko and Mikan moments. 

And yeah what do you want me to fucking say, it’s amazing? Because it’s amazing as fuck, yeah. I’m running out of ways to just say how fuckin much i love this, but i’ll persevere best I can. 

I mentioned way earlier that I love it when Mikan catches Junko by surprise, and we get more of that here. Though in this instance I think it’s better to describe that this is the first time Mikan just gets the upper hand on Junko, who’s struggling to fight back in the conversation because she’s already struggling to figure out her feelings. And it’s really lovely to see Mikan fighting past Junko’s own insecurities, especially when she regards herself as a bad girlfriend. It’s great, and it’s more of that role reversal I love. 

The book analogy near the end of this conversation is so good, it’s sappy as fuck but that’s why it’s good. And Junko leaning into it despite how lame it is makes it all the better, and I only noticed on this recent reread that there’s even a cheeky V3 reference as well, clever!~ 

The kiss is of course great, and I think i’ve just fully fucking run out of ways to talk about how much I love Junko and Mikan kisses in these stories. Thank god there isn’t one in tomorrows fic- getting ahead of myself. 

Rip to Scissorhands, thanks for the gay but you will not be missed.

God damn amazing fic, so well written. It’s one where I have to be in a very specific mindset in order to read it, as that middle chapter really does stress me out enough to be a bit of a roadblock. But admittedly this most recent reread wasn’t the worst compared to the previous few times. That said the fic definitely had it’s effect on me like usual, my body felt all kinds of wild ways, my heartbeat was a lot more intense, breathing a bit wacked out, my nerves up. The whole shebang, so good fucking writing. Equally bittersweet considering that, at least I assume, the normal events of DR are going to follow this story, even if not immediately. So Mukuro’s gonna die, Junko’s gonna die, and then Mikan’s going to have her brain undespaired and probably lose all her feelings towards Junko (Though I will admit, the idea of Mikan after the actual events of canon still having feelings for Junko while not being a remnant is pretty interesting). 

However, I can live with that. It’s still an amazing story even with main canon in consideration, and I think I’ve run out of things to say here. 

Tomorrow is the last fic based art in the event, Days 99 and 100 are all on me. And by process of elimination you probably have an idea of what Day 98 is, you may even know the exact fic. 

I said there were three fics that were vital to me reaching this point in my life, being this obsessed with Junkan as a ship.

The Third Fic, Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed, is the fic that sent me spiraling into brainrot to the point of snapping and drawing art of it behind closed doors, eventually snapping me into drawing more Junkan than I imagine most if not anybody ever has.

The Second Fic, Smile, is what got me obsessed with the ship in the first place, of course only enough to enjoy reading it in secret, which would lead me to EYED.

All that’s left is The First Fic, which you’ll see tomorrow. The fic that made me bother to even give this ship a chance in the first place. Hilariously, I will probably not yap about it nearly as much as the previous two, even if I love it. 

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

[scoobydoodean]

🫣🫣 i always say cas (and sam too) would strongly dislike a lot of the casgirl (and samgirl) opinions, especially regarding dean. but i’m thinking now that jack would also hate to see jackgirls dismissing his autonomy and absolving him of accountability and insisting he should just hate dean completely. when, canonically, jack has never wanted any of that.

💯 Jack doesn't hate Dean at all. He idolizes him (and I think Dean knows this and I think he's thinking, "Don't" because he doesn't see himself as a role model, but that's one of those things you don't get to decide). Jack understands Dean and only three days after he's born, is trying to emulate Dean's mannerisms, which is especially interesting given how angry and riddled with grief Dean clearly is. You'd think that'd be a turnoff for Jack, but it's not. Some people think Jack was afraid of Dean, but I don't. I think Jack was able to sense that Dean was a good man going through a hard time. He gravitated more toward Dean even though Sam was being "nicer" because he sensed that Sam was being insincere about his motives in the first few episodes and Dean wasn't. Dean was also showing and feeling his grief. Jack was grieving his own mother (just like Dean was) and Cas (just like Dean was) while Sam was trying to emotionally detach. Sam explains to Jack how hunter funerals work while they burn Kelly and Cas's bodies, but Dean is standing there feeling—hollowed out and lost. Jack knows better than to mirror Dean's grief 1:1, but his example shows Jack that feeling it is acceptable, and that Dean cares about Jack's dad (Cas) and the loss of his own mother, whereas Sam is doing his best to numb himself and ends up not being relatable to Jack because of that.

Jack overhears Sam and Dean's shouting match over Sam minimizing Cas's death/pretending it didn't happen so he can invalidate Dean's grief and I think things make a lot of sense to Jack then. Jack doesn't remember what happened before he was born— when he (or something pretending to be him) was communicating with Cas and Kelly. He's able to piece together a lot from Sam and Dean's fight about why Dean can't trust him and gets an even bigger picture over how much people mean to Dean. Jack models his mannerisms after Dean because Dean so visibly cares and feels, and Jack identifies with caring about people deeply and feeling so much that it hurts because Jack is also like that!

And I think you're absolutely right. Jack hates having his accountability denied. Even if it's not fair to him, Jack's dangerously explosive power is a reality, and he is ultimately the one who has to deal with it! And I think Jack also (even if it comes out in a largely unhelpful way) appreciates that Dean is more likely to take that seriously and even puts part of the responsibility of Jack's volatility on himself. There's a fight about Jack's volatile powers and his culpability in handling them very early on, after the Dodge City case, when Jack trying to flex his power proudly to Cas ends in a man being dead. Jack is already upset in the car ride home with Sam and Cas, but starts talking again when Dean comes back and reveals that he covered up Jack killing someone, and Sam says, "good".

SAM: How'd it go? DEAN: Usual. Killed the bad guy, saved the girl. SAM: What about the, uh… DEAN: Took care of it. SAM: Good. JACK: Good? How is that good? I killed someone. What was his name? The guard? Did he have a family?

Jack cares so much, and Sam says covering it up is "good", and Cas tries to tell him to ignore it—to put what he did out of his mind, but Jack isn't having it:

CASTIEL: Jack, don't do this to yourself. JACK: No, did he?

Dean is the only one who answers him instead of encouraging him to just not care.

DEAN: Yes, he did.

Dean knows denying that the entire thing happened or that the loss of that man's life and that it likely had broader impacts on his family won't make Jack feel better. Jack needs to be allowed to wrestle with the actual weight of his mistake and can't just compartmentalize it. Dean knows this, because Dean is exactly the same way. THEY GET EACH OTHER.

I think it's appropriate that this is where Dean tells Jack he was wrong about him and that Jack isn't a monster. But that isn't the only thing Jack needs to hear from someone (he's hearing a lot of that, actually!). The thing is for all Sam, Dean, and Cas might give reassurances in this episode that Jack's intentions were never to harm anyone and he isn't a monster, Jack knows that ultimately, lack of control of his powers still presents a danger that ultimately starts and ends with him. While that may present him with a burden that is unfair to him (because other people don't have to deal with what he's dealing with in that sense), it is nonetheless a burden he is forced by reality to bear, and denying the weight of that reality and how it weighs him down doesn't leave him feeling supported. It leaves him feeling unheard and alone. He doesn't want to be treated like a child with no culpability. He wants someone to take the dangers of what he can do seriously.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Broken Bonds-Part 24

Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, Jay Halstead x Reader

Mouse gets ready to head to Georgia for marshal training while you try to find a balance with Jay

Tuesday morning you weren’t sure how you would’ve managed getting up and facing the day if you hadn’t rolled over to Stella fast asleep in the bed next to you. Kelly had gone and retrieved  her overnight bag and uniform without question when she’d told him to, the only thing he’d said when he came back to drop it off was when he pulled you into a hug and reminded you “No matter what I’m backing you just as much as I back Stella. You became my sister the day I married her”

At the moment you felt so alone in your damn head but you knew you weren’t. Even taking Mouse or Jay out of the equation you were so far from alone. The idea of Mouse leaving in two short days had your heart twisting. You knew it was for training, you knew he had to go and that he’d talk to you as much as he could and that he’d fly back whenever he could but what if he decided you’d put him through enough?

Stella had given you a recap of dinner once you calmed down, she told you all about her conversation with Mouse. “That man..honeybee it would take death to keep him from coming home to you and even then they better make sure they dig a little deeper than usual if they don’t want him trying to find a way back”

You believed her, you knew Mouse loved you just as much as you loved him but every bad thought about yourself was circling like vultures waiting to feast on the carcass of your psyche.

“Honeybee” you cut your eyes up to see Stella was awake and staring at you with a small smile. “I’m ok Stel” you promised and she shook her head, reaching a hand up to push your hair back from your face “No, you’re not. I can see that brain of yours overthinking. I can’t let you walk into the twenty first if your mind isn’t in the moment. It’s dangerous babe. I need you in one piece, Addy needs you in one piece and like it or not there’s two former army rangers who very well may burn Chicago to ash if something happens to you”

You shook your head “I’d never walk into anything if my mind isn’t in the moment. I wouldn’t risk it on Addy’s sake alone” she nodded “Good, I’m still texting Hailey. I won’t tell her what’s going on but I will tell her to keep an eye on you” you laughed lightly “The men hurt me so you’re calling in wifey?” she grinned “Exactly. Now let’s get up and get dressed. We got enough time I can buy you and baby girl breakfast before we meet Jay for drop off”

You nodded “Sounds good” and tossed the blanket off of you both. She laughed, poking at your hair “And I’ll put a braid in this cause it looks a little rough” 

Addy was doing her best to sing along with the radio along with you and Stella as you pulled into the daycare parking lot. The babbling was the most adorable thing you’d ever heard and just what your heart needed. “There’s Jay” Stella said and you cut your eyes up to see he was leaning against the side of his truck and there was an empty space next to him.

You took a deep breath as you pulled into the space and parked. “I’ll be right back” you told Stella who nodded “I’ll be right here if you need me” You got out and started to walk around to Addy’s door so Jay pushed off his truck to walk towards you “Morning” you greeted and he nodded “morning”

You opened her door and leaned in with a smile “Hey baby girl, look its daddy” “Where’s my sweet girl?” he spoke and her feet started kicking along with her babbling da. “Dada is gonna be first” he said and you shook your head “Nope, mama is first” 

You unbuckled her and ran your fingers over the little braid Stella had put in her hair after she’d done yours. “Morning Jay” Stella called, looking over her shoulder. He nodded “Morning Stella” he cut his eyes at you and you knew he was probably wondering why you’d bought your big sister to drop off.

You put her on your hip then nodded to him “Grab her bag?” He picked up her diaper bag and told Stella bye before closing the door and following you across the parking lot.

“So, you need an escort to drop our daughter off?” he asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper. You shook your head “Jay, please. Can we sign her in first?” He opened the door and held it open for you to duck under his arm. 

You walked in with Addy and spotted Chloe. “Look baby! It’s Mrs Cruz!” Addy started reaching for her and Chloe smiled “My favorite little detective” “Don’t let Stel or Kelly hear that. They’re determined for her to be a smoke eater” you laughed and she shook her head “Both her parents are detectives. I’d say that’s a better chance” 

You handed Addy over and pressed a kiss to her head “I love you baby” then Jay pressed a kiss to her head and handed Chloe the diaper bag. “Who's doing pickup?” she asked and you raised a hand “It’ll probably be me unless Stel has to come for any reason but if anything changes we’ll text” “Ok. Have a good day and stay safe”

“Thank you ma’am” you told her with a smile. Jay thanked her too and you both headed out. The moment you stepped out the door you turned to look at Jay “Stella came over last night. I was upset, she didn’t want to leave me alone so she stayed. I’m taking her to work then coming in. Didn’t realize I had to report my sister staying with me”

His shoulders dropped “Look, I’m sorry. Ok? I’m not trying to be an ass here” you cut your eyes at your jeep and saw that Stella was watching the two of you, of course she was. She was ready to intervene. You turned your attention back to Jay. The dark circles under his eyes probably matched your own “I know Jay but we have to figure this out, for our daughter and our unit. We have a lot of people who need us to get along, so much has happened and I know you don’t believe it but I do love you” he nodded slowly “Just not like you love him” you looked away from him, blinking fast to not let any tears fall “Would you have rather me lied to you? To tell you I didn’t feel the way I feel about him?” 

“I would’ve rather you at least broke things off with us before you fucked him” You weren’t sure what signaled Stella but she was out of the jeep and to your side before anything else could be said. Her arm slipped around your shoulders and she stared Jay down “Ok kids, back to your corners. For one you’re in front of your daughter's daycare. Remember her? My niece, an adorable little thing. Both of your entire reasons for breathing?”

You and Jay both nodded so she smiled, waving at a parent that walked by “For two, you’re detectives with the CPD. Professionals in the same unit.Bury this so neither of you have to face your daughter one day and explain why the other isn’t here. This is an off the clock thing, agreed?” “Agreed” “Agreed” you and Jay both said.

She nodded “Jay, you’re hurt I get it but man she’s my sister. Don’t cross a line” he nodded “Sorry Stella” she cut her eyes at you “And honeybee he has a right to be hurt as long as he doesn’t cross that line, agreed?” you nodded so she squeezed your shoulder and looked at Jay “She’s gonna take me to work then be in. Let Kevin know?” “I will” he promised so she turned you towards your jeep, basically pushing you in front of her.

_____________

She put you in the driver’s seat then walked around and got into the passenger seat. She reached for your phone as you pulled out onto the road. You cut your eyes at her “What are you doing?” “Seeing if Mouse can meet you for lunch or after work. I’ll watch Addy” “Stel..” you started and she shook her head “You need to talk to him..you need someone who isn’t slapping guilt layer by layer on you. Don’t get me wrong. I fucking love Jay. He has been so damn amazing but he is too hurt to see past that right now and I understand his pain but my concern is not his pain as harsh as that sounds. My job is you”

Your phone chimed a few seconds later and she smiled “Should’ve known” when you got to a red light she showed you the text that read Tell her to just let me know when and where. I’ll be there 

______________

After you dropped Stella off (and had to go in so Kelly could see for himself you were in a better headspace than the night before) you headed for the precinct. Kevin had already texted to let you know he grabbed you  a coffee and Hailey had texted Stella was vague but I got Jay, don’t stress it wifey 

Leave it up to Stella to not only command her team on the truck but end up commanding half of intelligence as well. You pulled into the parking lot intelligence used and was thankful there was an empty space next to Adam’s car. That meant you didn’t have to park next to Jay.

You took a deep breath before grabbing what you needed and heading for the rear entrance all of you used when you didn’t want to bother with the front desk. You went through roll up, typing your code and sliping in before the door opened all the way then hitting the button to close it before going up the stairs. You’d texted Kevin to let him know you were coming in the back way and so he could make sure everyone else knew.

You opened the door that led into the back hallway and laughed when Adam jumped “Holy hell Kidd. Give me a heart attack, how bout it?” you grinned “Sorry Ruz. I told Kev I was coming in that way”  Kevin stepped around the corner carrying a cup of coffee that he held out to you before grinning “Yeah I didn’t tell him because Kim made a bet that he squeals when he gets spooked” 

You shook your head at them teasing each other “You two are worse than me and Stella, I swear” Adam shook his head “Hell no. Kevin would never be as scary about me as that woman is over you and I’ve seen you beat her ex to the point your hands were bandaged for days” you shrugged “He hit her. He deserved it”

_____________

Kevin winked at you “The kidd women are an entirely different breed and little miss Adeline is a new generation” “You know it” you laughed before following Kevin out into the bullpen.

You walked around the corner and your eyes automatically landed on Jay’s desk. “Those two went to talk to a new witness from that shooting last week,” Kevin explained. You nodded “Good, maybe we can pick that case up and actually get somewhere with it” 

You cut your eyes at Kim and grinned “He squealed like a mouse” she cracked up laughing and pointed at Kevin “I told you!” 

____________

You were sitting on top of Hailey’s desk while you and her went through surveillance videos, trying to find the suspect that the witness had picked out of the line up. She had her head resting over on your thigh as you flipped through the videos.

“What’s up with you and Jay?” she asked in a whisper, even though everyone else was busy or in another part of the building. You cut your eyes at her and shrugged “How much do you want to know being his partner and my wife?” she grinned “Hey, I loved you first. Just remember that”

You sighed and decided to keep it simple and vague so as to not embarrass Jay on top of hurting him. “I hurt him pretty bad with a choice I made but I was listening to my heart with the choice and trying to spare his in the long run”

You stared at you for a moment then nodded “If you were listening to your heart it wasn’t wrong” She laid her head back over and started back on the videos. How the hell did Hailey make you feel better with ten words?

Your phone chimed and you cut your eyes at the time, cursing under your breath before you picked it up and read the text from Mouse Can I take you to Dinner? You bit your cheek to keep from smiling before texting back Stella already said she’d stay with Addy so pick me up at seven? He texted back almost immediately See you then

Jay walked in just as you were laying your phone down and raised his eyebrows at how you and Hailey were sitting “You two find anything or just gonna cuddle?” you shrugged “I mean she is pretty comfortable” and he shook his head but you saw the slightest tease of a grin pulling at his face, oh so that Jay was still in there.

“I think we just got something” Hailey interrupted, clicking to freeze the screen before turning it around so you and Jay could see it. Perfect footage of the shooter’s face and the crime itself from the security camera the witness had helped to uncover. You cut your eyes up at Jay “This alone is enough for an arrest warrant” he nodded “I’ll tell Voight. Get Kim, Kev and Ruz up here”

_______________

“CPD FREEZE” you called out and of course the asshole always chooses to aim for one of the female detectives. This time however he aimed for Hailey. One round caught her in the vest then yours and Jay’s bullets landed in tandem, his body dropping hard to the ground. 

You and Jay both ran to her side, your hands skimming over each other’s trying to get her vest off “I got it Jay!” you argued and he rocked back on his heels and nodded. You quickly undid her vest and pulled it off her body, examining where the bullet had struck. It hadn’t gone through but the chances of something internally being hurt was too high to risk. 

“Do we need a bus?” he asked and you shook your head “Hails you good with Jay just taking you to med?” she nodded, taking your hand to get to her feet “Yeah” you looked back at Jay “Take care of her” “I will” he promised so you transferred her hand into his.

Voight called you over and looked to where the suspect was laid out “Write it up Kidd. There’s no way this isn’t deemed a clean shoot. You and Jay acted in clear protection of a member of your unit”

“Yes sir” you replied and nodded to Kevin “Let’s get back, this is crime scene techs job now”

__________________

You were just finishing up the report when Jay and Hailey walked back up the stairs “How’s the patient?” you asked Jay who looked back at her with a smirk “She was very brave, I even got her a lolly pop” you shook your head thinking he was being sarcastic but Hailey pulled out one of those giant rainbow lolly pops from her jacket pocket and grinned “No, he really did”

You covered your mouth with your hand as you laughed “That is fucking adorable” Jay winked at her “Well she didn’t try to headbutt anyone so that’s better than when Addy got her shots”

“Who taught her to headbutt?” you asked and he grinned “Will, it was definitely Will” Hailey shook her head and nudged Jay with her shoulder “You’re not that bad Halstead, may be hope for you yet” then winked at you “and as for you I just need your ring size and we’re hitting vegas” 

You held up the report “Well Jay, you wanna sign off on this? Then we’re done with this case?” he nodded “Gladly” so far the two of you had held to your promise to Stella. Any issues got laid down at the door. He signed the report then nodded “Thanks” “Of course” you replied with a smile then cut your eyes at the clock “I gotta go soon so I can get Addy”

________________

You were walking through the parking lot to your jeep and heard Jay calling your name. You took a deep breath and turned around “Please tell me we’re not picking up the argument” you let your eyes focus on the pendant that had slipped out of his shirt “No, I promise”

“What’s wrong Jay?” you asked and he smiled slightly “I was just wondering if I could get her tomorrow night, if that’s ok” you nodded “Of course. She’s your daughter too. Why don’t we get a coffee after drop off in the morning and try to make some sort of schedule? I hate this you feeling like you have to ask to have your daughter for a night”

“Ok, sounds good” he agreed so you smiled “Night Jay” his eyes flickered from yours down to your lips then back up before he swallowed hard “Night sweetheart”

_____________

You were getting dressed to go to dinner with Mouse but a song came on the radio you knew Addy loved so you scooped her up onto your hip. You started singing along as the two of you danced around the room, her laughter wrapping around you.

You heard a knock at the door and knew it was Stella so you slid around the corner, opening the door but not stopping the dance. She stepped in and grinned at the sight that met her “Well this is a gorgeous sight indeed compared to last night” “It really is” Kelly laughed from behind her.

You turned to face your sister and brother in law. “She loves that song” Stella shrugged “Hey to see you happy? Anything works” 

You laughed, still swaying Addy gently as the music changed. Kelly held his hands out “C’mere Addy. Let uncle Kel have a dance” she nearly dove into his arms causing you and Stella to both laugh. 

The two of them headed to the kitchen, something about changing the station while you and Stella talked about the case you’d caught that day. “Was Hailey ok?” you nodded “Yeah, thankfully she didn’t even have bruised ribs” “I’d hate for you to lose your wife” she teased and you grinned “I know”

___________

You heard another knock at the door and didn’t try to stop the smile that spread across your face. She laughed “That’s Mouse” you nodded and went to open the door. He was standing there and smiled when he saw you “Hey” “Hey”

“Hey Mouse” Stella called followed by Kelly calling out “Sup man?” and Addy giggling at something Kelly had done in the kitchen. Mouse cut his eys in the kitchen at her and smiled “Damn she looks so much like you and like Jay” Stella grinned “It’s weird right? You can pick out what’s her and what’s him but it blends so well on her” Mouse nodded “Yeah. She’s beautiful”

You laughed “Well props to the chef” and they both gave you looks that mirrored each other. “Honeybee” Stella laughed and Mouse shook his head “Really sweetheart?” you rolled your eyes “It was funny. Right Kel?” “Course” he agreed and you shrugged “Let’s go before you two pick apart my sense of humor any further”

Stella grinned “Have fun. I got baby girl so don’t worry” Mouse reached for your hand so you let him take it feeling your heart flip when he squeezed it lightly. 

______________

“No no, listen baby that was not my fault!” you laughed. You were telling Mouse about a case that had resulted in a dog getting loose in Voight’s car. That had not ended well for anyone. He shook his head, tears in his eyes from how hard he’d been laughing “I wish I could’ve seen Voight’s face”

You shook your head “It was insane. You know how some of our cases get” he nodded “Yeah, believe me I was worried more than one day about something happening to you” you dropped your gaze to your hands, fidgeting with your ring and bracelet. “Hey, what’d I say?” he asked, clocking your mood shift immediately. “I’m scared of you leaving” you admitted in a whisper.

“What?” he asked and you shrugged, feeling tears spring to your eyes. He looked around before standing up “C’mon. We already paid, let's get out of here so we can talk” You let him pull you to your feet and the two of you walked out the door.

When the cool night air hit you he slipped his arm around your waist, pulling you into his side “Why are you scared of me leaving?” you kept your gaze down as you admitted “What if you decide I’ve put you through enough? Greg I’ve put your heart through the damned wringer love”

He stopped walking and turned to face you, one hand on your hip holding you in place while the other cupped the back of your neck to give you no other option but to look him in the eye “Baby please listen to me and listen good ok?” you nodded, feeling tears threaten your eyes. 

“I fell in love with you not long after I started working with the unit. The way you handled yourself, how you treated other people, the way you fought for what you believed in, how strong and capable your heart is. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. If there has ever been anyone I believed was the one I was supposed to be with, it's you. I fucked up, god I fucked up so damn bad leaving but look at Adeline? That baby is perfect. I wouldn’t take her back for any pain I’ve endured. I tried the whole moving on thing, but it didn't work and that was when I was on the other side of the world and thought you’d never want me again. Why the hell would I be dumb enough to want someone else when I’m here, a couple hours away on a plane? Able to call you, text you?”

“But I’ve fucked up so much” you whispered and he smiled gently “Who hasn’t fucked up something every now and then love? Anything can be fixed, you could tell me you slept with Jay again and I still wouldn’t turn away from you” “Mouse please don’t say that” you begged, tears starting to fall. 

He moved his hand from the back of your neck around to wipe the tears from your face “Baby I wish you could just see how much you truly mean to me. You’re not a fuck up, you’re not broken. You’re human, yes but you are an amazing human who is full of so much love. I trust you with my heart and soul because it’s already been yours, never stopped being yours. There was never a day that I was gone that I didn’t think about you,that you didn’t keep me moving and yes even knowing you were pregnant by Jay. As long as you want me I’m yours, whether as a lover, a friend, a confidant or anything else you may need. I’m yours”

You were fully crying by the time he got through talking “Right now I just really need you to kiss me” you whispered and he smiled “I can do that too” He pulled you into a kiss, his lips gently brushing against yours. You sighed lightly, relaxing against his chest as you pulled him down to deepen the kiss, flicking your tongue across his bottom lip, begging for access.  He let you slip your tongue past his lips and his grip on your hips tightened when you rolled your tongue against his.

He broke away from the kiss, resting his forehead against yours “I love you Y/N Kidd with everything I have and I promise I will love you until the day they put me in the ground. The only way I will walk away from you now is if you told me to then I’m just gonna step to the side and hope you want me again later”

You blinked back tears “I love you too Greg Gerwitz, I’m not sure I deserve you” he shook his head “Baby you’re everything good and one day I’ll get you to believe that” 

“Can we take a walk or something? I’m not ready to be away from you yet” you whispered and he nodded “We can do whatever you want love” you cut your eyes at him, letting your eyes trail down his body “Whatever?” he chuckled “Within reason, you do have to get home to Addy”

You smiled “Why are you so good to me?” “Because you own my heart, woman. I have no other option” he replied, slipping his hand into yours.

You were feeling a lot more human after spending a few hours in Mouse’s arms. Things weren’t fixed but yet again for the millionth time in your life Stella was right, you allowed yourself the luxury of not drowning in guilt and you felt like you could draw a breath easier. That man loved you even when you couldn’t love yourself.

You got up early and redid the braid in Addy’s hair before dressing her for daycare. You were heading out to your jeep when you heard your phone chime. You knew it was a text but your hands were full so you couldn’t check it until you got her buckled in her seat.

She giggled when you leaned in to buckle her. “Oh that’s funny huh?” you laughed, tickling her tummy before kissing her forehead. You went around to the driver seat and climbed in. After you buckled in you clicked the text alert and saw it was from Mouse Just wanted to say good morning to you and little miss. I love you. Have a good day. Be safe

You smiled and texted back Good morning from me and a very giggly little miss. I love you. I’ll call you after work

You sat it in the handsfree holder then turned the ignition on, you had to meet Jay at the daycare then you two were going to get coffee to discuss a schedule of some sort. “Let’s go love” you told Addy before pulling out onto the road.

_________________

You sat across from Jay, sipping your coffee and both of you looking at the calendars on your phone “Fridays make sense with me, I have no urge to go out” you said and he nodded “Ok, so every other night or one with me two with you?” you shrugged “Whichever works best for you. We can start with the one and two then work up to every other once she’s used to it to not change her routine too much and if you need to switch nights or need Stella to watch her that’s always ok”

“What happens on Halloween, thanksgiving, her first christmas or her first birthday?” he asked and you shrugged “We’ll figure it out. Halloween we can do together, same as thanksgiving and possibly christmas and of course her first birthday will be the two of us. Jay we’re her parents, no one else. We promised to do this together. That hasn’t changed, has it?” he shook his head “No, she’s my babygirl. She’s everything to me. For so long you and her have been the center of my attention”

You felt guilt flare to life at the look in his eyes, fuck why did life have to be so complicated? “Jay I do love you, nothing and no one will change that” “Not even Mouse?” he asked and you smiled slightly “Not even Mouse. You gave me the most important thing in the world. We share a little person. There’s someone walking or well not quite walking yet but you get the point…there’s someone who is a perfect mixture of me and you. She will forever know she is loved, that her mommy and daddy have always had each other's backs. We’ve bled for each other, we’ve nearly died with and for each other. That’s a better story than some kids get to tell isn’t it?”

He cracked a small smile “Yeah, it is” you reached across the table to squeeze his hand before saying “Just so you know on Halloween I reserve the right to pick matching outfits for you and Addy and make you wear them” he shook his head “You’re ridiculous” you grinned “And yet you had a baby with me..what does that say about you?” 

@desimarie12

@allisonargent144

@nevaehstreater18

[zalder]

“I feel like most parents are generally okay as long as you don’t end up in prison and even then they can look the other way as long as it’s not for murder,” she was willing to admit. She knew that expectations could be high in some cases but most people just wanted their kids to live to see adulthood and everything else was sort of a bonus. She couldn’t hide the amusement crossing her features as she tried to think up a side of Jace that wasn’t the nice, relatively tame version she knew. “You didn’t murder anyone as far as I am aware. You didn’t knock anyone up as far as I know. I think you probably got a pass. I mean, I didn’t know teenage you but even when I think of you getting into mischief I feel like it was probably relatively tame. You can correct me and tell me what a bad boy you were though if you want for my personal amusement. I mean, we've previously talked about the tattoos so... I know there is something in there.”

“Not and win but people try,” she confessed. She knew there were plenty of people out there that thought they could outrun their own luck. Those people were usually doing the complete opposite of what they should be doing if they wanted their life to go a certain direction. It was always easier to see from the outside looking in though. She had decided relatively early on that the stress of trying to make life turn out any certain way wasn’t worth it. It was better to just enjoy life and let it be what it was going to be. “I think that we’re all a culmination of a million possibilities but in the end only one can win for good or bad. I’m honestly not going to spend a lot of time stressing over it,” she admitted, glancing between Jace and the lights. “A Christmas allegory felt very fitting for our surrounding. It’s all so pretty.”

There were worse things to be curious in than taxidermy if you were also interested in animals and nature, Jason knew that to be true. It might not be a popular opinion, or something that he would even suggest for other people to pick up -- or something he ever planned on picking up, either, for that matter -- but anything that furthered your education, made you feel like you were learning more about something that you were passionate about and really put a lot of care into was going to be a good thing. At least in his eyes, anyway. "I think she had more important things to worry about," he laughed, shrugging both shoulders. That was normally the case with his parents, and he didn't mind it.

"Can't really fight fate," he agreed with a shake of his head. Not that Jason was the kind of person that believed in a lot of superstitious things, or deep, meaningful sayings that were supposed to guide you through life, but… he did like to think that he had gotten to where he was supposed to be, even if it hadn't been the path he had figured he would take. The end was what mattered. "I mean, I'm sure that's true. Any number of things could have happened while I was overseas to have changed my entire outlook on life and what I wanted," he could have become a career military man, he could have moved far, far away, he could have not made it home at all. Something that he didn't quite want to spend his time thinking about. "Very apt for the season," he replied with a nod and a laugh, "but it's a valid point."

[gooobraghhh]

This is sincere, even if it may not come off that way

I’ve been engaging in gender fuckery for many years, and I’ve never felt even remotely comfortable with my body in a sexual way- I have never had an orgasm mostly due to dysphoria and feeling disgusting when touching myself or thinking about sex, but I’ve been stalking your blog for several weeks and it has helped my relationship with myself leaps and bounds, and I’m thinking pretty heavily about maybe going on some dates and putting myself out there.

As I’ve been doing my ✨self reflection ✨ I was feeling really gross about exploring my sexuality via porn bc most of what I was finding within the realm of trans people (esp trans people with my genitals) felt super fetishy and as though trans folk are nothing more than sex objects, and while you do an AMAZING job of making me feel like a sex object (I a way I never thought I could aka in a positive way), it’s really clear that you think of your fiancé and the other people you interact with and talk about as people.

(Also- im only a few months younger than you and it’s cray cray to me that you’re engaged- it really makes me feel like there is hope for me and for other trans people who might be a little bit later bloomers- I hope you have the best engagement and if you want to get married I hope your marriage is even better)

🫶🫶

This is so so so sweet to hear. So much trans porn has just horrible vibes and I really wanted to make some stuff that was validating and I’m glad that’s come across and helped people feel more comfortable sexually. Hope dating goes well for you and definitely don’t compare your relationship to mine, I happened to be very successful with a guy I met at age 11 which is not going to be true for most people.

You’ll find someone though and make sure not to settle. I’m not with my fiancé because he’s the first trans person I saw or something. I’m with him because he’s the only person I’ve ever met that I feel like actually knows everything about me, good, bad, ugly, and loves and appreciates me for all of those things. I’m with him because he has helped through every struggle I’ve dealt with for years and years always making me feel better the best he can and not getting jaded. There’s just something that clicks when you realize you’re with a person who truly loves you for you and vis versa. Sorry for sappy side tangent but I just want trans people to experience feeling sincerely loved since that’s hard to come by for us usually. You’ll find someone like that but you definitely have to put yourself out there to do it.

[dozing-marshmallow]

HENRY HOTLINE X OPTIMISTIC! READER ONE SHOT

“Oh hello Henry!” you waved,“I’m doing some origami, would you like to join me?”

“No.” yet he still watched over your hands,“What is this anyway?”

“Oh! It’s the art of paper folding that originated in Japan and there are so many shapes you can do!” you explained, putting down the one you were working on to proudly hold up a few that you’ve done recently,“This one is a star, and I made this duck and these rabbits a couple of days ago.” you showcased, now going back to work on the current one, though on the next step, it came out irreversibly wrong.

“Ah, looks like I messed up a step there. I guess I’ll have to restart.” you admitted, scrunching up the paper and discarding it in the bin.

“Too bad you won’t have that option next season.” Henry was very encouraging.

“I know, that’s why I’m going to try make all the mistakes I can.” you agreed, grabbing a new piece of A4 paper,“Though every time I do these things, I always think this is the one.“

“So you purposely set yourself up for such high standards? It must be so devastating when things take a turn away from them.” he assumed pessimistically.

“Not at all. Life goes on and so do I.” you folded diagonal triangles on each side of the paper and unfolded so the dents were perpendicular.

“Not for long.”

“And that’s what makes it more important!” you chirped, folding smaller triangles,“I really thought being in here would crush my spirits. I’m not happy about having grown used to seeing dead people on display, but I guess that’s all part of the motivation. The inflated possibility of death facing me everyday, it...it forces you to acknowledge the delicacy of life. You think you’ll be here long, but no, anything can happen.” more triangles in the centre,“We take for granted even being able to feel.”

In his disagreement, Henry prompted you,“And what if the feeling was agonising?”

You repeated the steps on the other side of the paper, not taking your eyes off,”Every day is a day worth making to. If we really had everything we wanted by the snap of our fingers, would the point of living really exist?”

“You sound like a cartoon.” Henry sneered, grabbing one of the rabbit origami you made and squeezed it in his fist,“And I hate cartoons.”

You saw what he did, but weren’t offended. You could always make another,“That’s okay too. We can’t please everyone, can we?”

Henry stuttered at your response,“How do you find it in you to still be so untroubled?”

You thought for a moment. The minds of human beings were inclined to stay in the bad, mysteriously needing more good to cancel out one bad,“I might have trained myself to. No matter my failures, rejection, I...just think oh well. That’s that. It’s not in my control to worry about. My responsibility is to focus and move on, do better next time. Even if things don’t improve immediately, the fact I take action, is still progress. If I give up now, I’ll truly guarantee nothing.”

“The only thing you’ve guaranteed is death.” sneering, the ruined work in his hand now descended back to the table.

A chuckle falls under your breath,“It may seem that way. Focusing and mourning about mistakes, failures of the past, won’t do anything for me. Yeah, a lot of the past influences my present, but it doesn’t mean it’ll influence my future.” you hummed thoughtfully up to him,“There’s this saying that goes, the temptation to give up is usually right before success.”

“Then I’m assuming you either never had the strong temptation...” he began, now looking into your eyes,“Or you’re simply in the rare unusual.”

“Who’s to say? How much do your dreams mean to you if you gave up at a few setbacks?” you asked, smiling at your progress, adjusting the shape,“Woohoo! That’s the second box done!”

Henry paused,“I forgot we were discussing this filth.”

You frowned,“You’re free to go, you know.” 

“I am, but it’s been so long since I could talk to a contestant, let alone a winner, and  they like doing this.” he pointed a sharp finger at the table like it really was unbelievable.

You grabbed the other paper box,“And so what? I could believe the sky is purple and the moon really is made of cheese, does it do anything to you? Does it hurt you or anyone else?”

His wired neck yanked his head back,“It hurts to watch.”

You put the ends of the long rectangular paper through the gaps on top of both of the boxes,“Then that just means you haven’t learnt to appreciate having fun for yourself. When you do, you would find that comments like that don’t mean much.” you replied, rotating the origami from all angles before throwing a fist of victory in the air,“There! I finally finished. You can have this one, Henry.”

He caught it when you tossed it and he examined it.

“From what I’ve heard, origami is typically given as a gift of healing and hope since a plain piece of paper can transform into something beautiful.” you grabbed a new piece of paper, planning on recreating the rabbit one,”At this rate, I’m not sure if I’ll see the day where I reach that, but I’m happy I got to do something.” you grabbed a new piece of paper, planning on recreating the rabbit one,“You can destroy that one if you want,” yet he shoved it in his interior pocket.