#when I say their names‚ I want to scream BIG POPPA

[respectthepetty]

I have questions for the pilot trailer of Me and Who because I'm getting color-coded boys in love, but something is up with Phopthorn/Apo, and it's not just him being reincarnated into another person's body!

Apo is a Red Rascal.

But Phopthorn is much lighter.

So is he a Pink Person?

Who will he evolve into a Red Rascal?

Or will he remain a Pink Person?

Because this feels like he story where he has to figure out who he really is.

And since Suriya's ex is a Red Rascal, I think Phopthorn will force himself into being a Red Rascal also to please Suriya, or at least he thinks that will please him.

Because I think Suriya is also faking a color.

He has secrets of his own and he would perfectly fit into the Black Brooder category.

But for a guy who has to enter into an arranged marriage yet knows his fiancé is a reincarnated convenient store worker, he seems really chill.

So is he a Green Guy or a Black Brooder?

He said Apo loved him sooo much that he was possessive, so it would make sense that Red Rascal Apo would have a green room since he is in love with a Green Guy.

But, once again, Suriya is too chill, so it makes it suspicious that he has multiple colors in a story where everyone is color coded.

So what is it? Is he a chill guy who must act arrogant and brooding, or is he a guy with lots of secrets who fakes me being chill?

I think I have an answer . . .

But Poppy and I will both be watching very closely to make sure.

I'm ready.

[izukult]

“hey this song reminds me of you…” MHA BOYS

songs they canonically would send you if they were interested (horikoshi approved)

izuku midoriya— be your man; H 3 F

he’s such a cutie, such a sweetheart. he says it reminds him of you, and then proceeds to send about fifty texts following before you can even respond (“i mean not romantic!! as friends!!” “unless you’d mean romantic” “but i’m not saying that!” “blech icky” “NOT SAYING YOUR EHICKY” “NO” “OKAY SORRY JUST IGNORE THIS HAHA(´⊙ω⊙`)”). he absolutely clearly means it in a romantic way, for someone who’s keeping the secret of the number one hero he is a bad mf liar.

runner up: japanese denim. he likes love songs, he thinks they’re kind and anything he hears that’s the slightest bit about love he’s gonna associate w you

katsuki bakugo— bitches; mindless self indulgence

he wants you to be bitches? he wants u to love him cos u know that he can rock?!!!!?!!!?!?! that he can rhyme?! that he can fuck?!!!! THAT HES ON TIME?! plain and simple. he does not say this reminds you of him, he does not link it with you in any way. he just randomly sends it (if even).

if you were really lucky he’d send you love me dead by ludo.

denki kaminari— natalie; HUNNY

he tells you to ignore the name, of course, (unless your name is natalie lol) but the whole rest of it is absolutely applicable. he’s very upfront about it. is acting a lot more reassured than he is but he’s literally about to shit himself he wants you so bad bro. he practiced ways to tell you it wasn’t for you / “he didn’t mean it like that, man” before he sent it to you just incase you rejected him lol.

right after you two confess he sends you teenage dirtbag by wheatus and says “fr felt it when they said whatever it was they said, anyway u free tmrw?!”

eijiro kirishima— someone to you; banners

ew this is so cliche. this man would be so cheesy, especially in the preemptive stages of a relationship. if he wants you, you know (i mean maybe not, he’s nice to a lot of people, but he clearly cares about you). he’s on brand fr, but he really, genuinely blares this shit at full volume in his earbuds and headbangs. this is fr how he feels…. he probably wouldn’t panic sending it, he doesn’t think it’s a big confession, he just thinks about you when he hears it so he wants to share.

a kiss; THE DRIVER ERA. his main reason for this one is “just the vibes man!!” he selectively pays attention to lyrics

hanta sero— love is only a feeling; joey bada$$

he’s corny and very transparent about it. he sends it to you like three days before he asks you out. he’s pretty confident, but he types and deletes ‘i’ve got a song that makes me think of you’ about five times before he sends it. i think he listens to a lot of music, but rnb and rnb rap are probably his romantic go to’s in my mind.

alternatively: me and your mama; childish gambino

shoto todoroki— on an evening in roma (sott’er celo de roma)- remastered; dean martin

idk i feel like he listens to a lot of really old pretentious shit. he likes the music, it helps him stay calm, it makes him feel warm. he thinks the instruments are nice when they swell just right, and he wants to share that with you. he has also definitely offered to take you on a trip w his dads money (i hate fanon characters but i absolutely thrive off the idea that shoto buys his s/o shit w his dads money)

also a high chance hed send scene one— james dean & audrey hepburn; sleeping with sirens and that makes me sick to my stomach it’s so cheesy. he’s not like a coward and once he figured out he had feelings for you, he’d be pretty blunt about it.

neito monoma— star killer; bear ghost

if you ask why it makes him think about you he’s gonna say some arrogant shit about how you want him. but actually this is a really good song and he for sure sings it in his bathroom mirror and checks himself out. how humiliating. idk what to say other than listen to it

alternatively: the ballad of big poppa and diamond girl; cobra starship. this song screams neito to me, if i could dance w him to this song life would actually be okay? the only reason i didn’t put it as the main is because i didn’t know if it was projecting, anyway THIS.

hitoshi shinsou— k; cigarettes after sex

this would lowkey be embarrassing for him tbh. this song feels so personal and intimate, if someone you weren’t dating said this reminded you of them, youd have to be really into them for it to not weird you out. however luckily you are really into him. he knows his point is gonna come across, and he’s confident behind it. he sent it as a way to say hey mf im into you, i know you’re into me

compass; the neighbourhood. he kinda listens to teenage girl music, he’s going through that phase. this song is so cute tho!! he’s kinda doting in a weird way, it’s sweet.

[ninthhousedyke]

Nona The Ninth Live Blog - #6

Okay I read another chapter and OH BOY

So Nona can’t be Harrow because her body is rejecting her soul and it wouldn’t do that if the right soul was controlling her..I got that right? So she’s gotta be amnesiac Gideon?

So if they go to John and Nona goes to Gideon’s body then this “spiritual gravity” will put the soul in the right spot? Did John seriously say it wasn’t possible when it’s literally that simple? Okay yeah he lied no big surprise and it probably won’t work that way because Tamsyn Muir always has something up her sleeve.

“I hate it. I hate being locked up.” “So did Gideon I gather.” *screams*

This is either a jab at the Ninth for keeping Gideon in an ankle cuff like Palamedes is now or a jab at Harrow for locking Gideon’s soul away in her own mind, and either way it’s SHADE and I love Palamedes.

Very obvious that it’s not Harrow controlling Nona since she says she doesn’t like redheads and she doesn’t want to be a necromancer. Harrow would never.

JEHDJDB3JCDHCIHD IANTHE IS IN BABS?

Ianthe is inside the corpse of Naberius…….why??

WAIT is it so the resurrection beast won’t make her go insane because she’s in a non-necromancers body?? That’s smart and horrifying…..also explains why she tacked on his name with hers even though she probably hates that.

Corona really just betrayed BOE to save Judith’s life OH MY GODDDDDD

PYRRHA??

Ianthe calling John “poppa” is creepy af

The fact the Third made a holiday to mourn Corona but not celebrate Ianthe becoming a damn LYCTOR is so devastatingly sad.

Fhshfdjsihdek Nona wielded her chair leg with TWO HANDS! She’s Gideon!! She’s the rest (?) of Gideon’s soul oh my goddddd

Alright it’s too late for any more concrete thoughts. See you in the morning. Also updated Bingo:

[word-scribbless]

Oh Baby: part 6

Brainstormed and co-wrote with @gibbsandpridegirl

Masterlist - oh baby Masterlist

Gif not mine!

—————

Amelia is a little younger than 2 when y/n and Gibbs wake up to her screaming for Gibbs after a nightmare.

“Poppa! Poppa!”

Gibbs and Y/N both jolt up and rushed to her room.

“You okay baby?”y/N asked as Gibbs scooped her from her crib.

“Poppa! Need Poppa!” She wailed, barely awake.

“I’m here baby girl what’s wrong?” Gibbs soothed.

“Scared!”

“Did you have a nightmare princess?” He asked calmly, as he swayed her gently.

She nodded into his chest and Y/N rubbed her back, and whispered, “It’s okay baby, you’re okay. We’re here and Poppa has you, you’re safe.”

Gibbs smiled and kissed Amelia’s head, leaning into his wife. He loved the way Y/N never got jealous that Amelia clung to him when she was sad or scared. She once told him she couldn’t get mad at their daughter for doing exactly what she does when she feels that way.

Y/N kissed her head and then Gibbs cheek.

“I’ll warm up some milk, want some tea? She asked Gibbs. Who nodded, he was usually a coffee drinker of course, but Y/N never offered that after midnight (unless they were on a case)

“Come on little girl let’s sit.” He cooed. “You’re okay you’re safe.”

“I scared” she whimpered.

“I know princess” he said, rocking her and rubbing her backl

“Poppa ing?”

“Sure sweetie poppa can sing for you.”

“-oana!” She sleepily requested.

“Moana again?” He chuckled.

“Mhm!” She hummed, nuzzling into his chest.

“Anything for you”

He began singing one of the calmer songs from his daughters favorite movie while rocking her on the chair. As soon as Y/N walked into Amelia’s room she smiled at her husband and their little girl curled up on the big rocking chair in her room, and listened to his soft singing for a moment.

“Wanna bring her to our room?” She whispered, setting the drinks on the dresser.

He shook his head. “Let’s just stay here for a minute” he said moving his arm and Amelia so that Y/N could slide into his lap.

“Guess she didn’t need the milk, just Poppa.” She said as she stroked the mostly asleep girl’s face.

“Luh Poppa!” She murmured and snuggled deeper.

“I love you princess” he cooed.

“And momma” she added quietly before falling asleep inHer dads arms.

“And I love you” she whispered and then looked up at Gibbs. “Well at least she didn’t forget me!” She smiled beforelaying her head on her husbands chest and nodding off as well.

The week after the nightmare incident, Gibbs had been stuck on a case for 3 days. Y/N and Amelia had been doing well but missed him very much and y/n could tell her little girl was struggling with out her dad. They drew him pictures and she played videos of him every night, he called when he could.

Y/N knew Amelia was a daddy’s girl through and through, but she knew she was lucky with how well she did when he was away. She pouted about him being gone for story time, and refused to break from Gibbs and her morning routines, but overall she was a sweetie.

Y/N woke up that morning and almost forgot about the Gibbs and Amelia morning ritual... then she’d see the not so sweet side.

“Poppa!? Or momma?” Y/N heard through the baby monitor.

“Oh crap!” Y/n said as she messed up her hair again. Then laughed at how Amelia always tacked her name on as an afterthought.

Gibbs had made a habit of getting up early with Amelia and getting ready in the guest bathroom with her sitting on the counter, so when he was away Y/N kept up pretenses. Sure there were times when Y/N made Amelia compromise and learn to deal with things not going her way.... but she figured the least she could do when her dad was away was stick to routine.

“Hey bug!”

“MOMMA!” Amelia squealed.

“Momma work?” Amelia asked and y/N smiled at her use of words and her little hopeful and questioning face.

“Nope, momma doesn’t have work today! But you and me are gonna head to the library and get some shopping done!” It was the summer, so unless she was needed for a case, she was at home with Amelia.

“Yayyyy” Amelia squealed and then frowned “where poppa?”

“He’s still out catching bad guys”

“Bad guys” she grunted with a pout.

“I know I miss him too! Let’s go get ready in the daddy bathroom and then we can send him a video to say hi sound good?”

“YAYYYY”

Amelia sat of the counter kicking her little feet as she “helped” y/N with her hair and makeup. She loved when Y/N would puff her face with her foundation brush and would giggle for minutes afterwards. She requested “Poppa hair” which was 2 high ponytails with mismatched hair ties. Y/N always made a joke when she asked for Poppa hair that no one would ask for that hair cut. To which Amelia would say NO NICE! And laugh along with them. They finished getting ready and sent Gibbs a video before getting dressed.

Y/N stopped at the door to do the next Amelia and Jethro ritual.

“MOOO” Amelia yelled when y/n picked up her keys.

“I didn’t forget, ya goof!”

“Okay ‘ready to go Miss meali moo?” She said in the best Gibbs voice she could.

“MOOOOO” Amelia yelled and nodded before kissing her mom, causing y/n to laugh and shake her head.

‘Of all the traditions he could start with you he has to have you moo when you leave the house.”

Gibbs had started saying ‘see you soon meali moo’ when he left the house or ‘you ready meali moo’ if they were leaving together, to which Amelia would yell “moooooo” and give him a kiss.

Y/N and Amelia had a good day but she could tell their daughter was missing her daddy. Before she fell asleep in the car she started to cry and when Y/N asked what was wrong she said “me want poppa” y/N decided that when she woke up they’d give him a call.

She didn’t have to though, Amelia had just woken up from her nap about 20 minutes after they got home, and her and Y/N we’re having a little Moana dance party in the living room when the door opened and Amelia squealed

“Poppa home!”

“Yayyyy poppa’s home! We missed you!” Y/N cheered and Gibbs smiled wide.

Y/N started to walk Amelia to Gibbs, holding onto her hands, when Amelia broke free and started wobbling to Gibbs all on her own.

Y/n gasped and Gibbs crouched down to meet her when she got there. He scooped her up and swung her around and Y/N clapped and ran over to hug them.

“GOOD JOB BABY!” Gibbs cheered

“you walked baby!!! You walked to Poppa!” Y/N laughed and kissed her cheek

“Poppa home!!!!!!” Amelia giggled.

“Yeah meals I’m home! And you walked!”

“You did so good bug!” Y/N said

“Meali walk!” She squealed.

“Yeah meali walked! Good job!”

Gibbs spent that night with his girls, celebrating his daughter walking by watching Moana (again) curled up on the couch. He couldn’t help but smile as he thought about how different his life was before Y/N and Amelia flipped it upside down. After a case like this 3 or 4 years ago he’d be alone, with bourbon in the basement. Now he sat with his wife curled into his side, humming to the closing song of Moana, and their almost 2 year old daughter sound asleep on his chest.

“What?” Y/N smiled up at him after hearing him huff a small laugh.

“Nothin”

She cocked an eyebrow, not believing him.

“Just thinkin’ how different my life is with you two in it.”

“A lot less quiet” she smiled and nuzzled her nose into his cheek.

“Quiet is overrated” he smirked and captured her lips. “But only with you two.”

Y/N smiled and snuggled into him, drifting to sleep.

About an hour later she woke up and noticed Gibbs sound asleep with Amelia still on his chest. She carefully went to scoop her up and suddenly the little girl let out a loud wail.

Y/N quickly placed her back on her husbands chest and she stopped and settled down immediately.

“In whose world was that gonna work?” Gibbs let out with a sleepy laugh.

“Don’t be smug! I know you’re her favorite, I was just trying to let you rest.” She laughed as Gibbs lifted their daughter up to carry her upstairs.

“How about we put her down together?” He says turning back to her with a smile. She nods and follows behind him.

“I can’t honestly blame her for picking you as her favorite.” Y/N said as she nuzzled into his back after he had laid her in her crib.

“Oh stop it” he smiled, turning around in her arms, “our little girl is so lucky to have you.

“And you” y/n whispered back.

Much like everything, Amelia seemed to reach the terrible 2s early. At 20 months old she refused to take a bath. Y/N couldn’t complain if that, and refusing to sit in a high chair to eat were her only ‘bad’ habits at this age. However she needed to bathe the child.

The poor girl didn’t just dislike baths, she was terrified of them. Y/N tried everything; shower crayons, toys, a little seat. Nothing worked. She was reduced to tricking the girl into bathing in the sink, half the time fully clothed, and now she was even catching on to that. After another week full of failed attempts, Y/N had an idea.

Amelia was sitting on the floor with Gibbs reading a book after dinner when Y/N crept over to them with a smile that gibbs knew meant she was up to something.

“Hey you” he said as she leaned over to kiss him.

“Hi momma! No bath!” Amelia informed her, and y/n just kissed her head.

“sooo I have an idea!” She said to Gibbs with a smirk.

“What’s that?” Gibbs questioned and cocked an eyebrow as She held up a pair of hisswim trunks.

“It’s February, we going swimming?” He teased and Amelia gasped “swimmy?”

“Sorta?” Y/N singsonged

“Imma need more y/n”

“Well Ami refuses to take a bath...” she whispered the ‘b word’ “ I’ve tried everything short of pulling out the big guns” shaking the swim trunks at him.

“I’m the big guns?” Gibbs laughed

“Always” she nodded and gibbs smiled.

“Come on meals we’re going swimming!” He said scooping the little girl from her play mat and grabbing the swim trunks from Y/N “you’re not getting out of this Y/N/N” he joked as he grabbed her hand and pulled her along.

Y/N was already in shorts and a T-shirt she didn’t mind being soaked, she took Amelia to get the bath set up as Gibbs got changed in their room.

“Daddy go swimming?” Amelia asked as Gibbs walked in, in his swim trunks.

Yup you and daddy are gonna go swimming” y/n told her.

“But no bath!”

“You have to go in the tub to go swimming with daddy.” Y/N reminded her, terrified that not even this would work.

“Yup! And mommy makes the best baths”. Gibbs said as he kissed y/N’s head and stepped in the tub.

“ coming in miss Amelia?”

“SWIMMMM”

Luckily y/n laid down towels on the floor before their little swim party because the Gibbs family spent the next hour splashing and giggling. In between the fun gibbs and Y/N took turns washing their daughter as the other distracted her.

“Bath is fun momma!” Amelia giggled as she dried her off with her little hooded towel.

“Sure is, bug!” Y/N smiled.

“That’s right my little monkey” Gibbs laughed as he kissed her head. “No more fighting mommy for baths!”

“Otay we swim again?”

“Of course princess”

Y/N smiled as she took Amelia to her room to put her jammies on her. She was so lucky to be raising this sweet little girl, with the most amazing man in the world.

Not long before Amelia’s second birthday, it was Y/N’s turn to be the one out of town. She was asked to speak at a linguistics conference in New York. At first she was going to turn it down, but Gibbs encouraged her to go. He even got Andi on board to convince her, saying she would be on call to scoop Amelia up if Gibbs had a case. They both knew Y/N was worried about making Gibbs miss work for her to go. With assurance that everything was covered, Y/N agreed.

As much as Amelia is a Daddy’s girl, she was used to spending at least a part of every day with her mom. Gibbs knew she might have trouble adjusting, just like he knew Y/N would struggle with leaving her.

The day before she left for New York Gibbs declared a family day.

“Poppa!” Amelia squealed as he came in her room that morning to scoop her up.

“Hi sweet girl! Don’t be too noisy! We’re gonna surprise momma”

“Sprise?” She peeped.

“Yup! Momma has to go away for a little bit tomorrow so we are going to spend all day together.”

“Momma go way?” She pouted

“Yeah, but only for a little bit! And today we all get to play together”

“YAY!”

“Shhh little goose! Let’s go make mommy breakfast.”

“Cakes?” She whispered

“Of course! Poppa’s pancakes are momma’s favorite.”

Amelia clapped as they went down to the kitchen to make breakfast.

“Hey you two, what’s going on down here?” Y/N asked as she entered the kitchen a while later.

“Spise” Amelia yelled, her form of surprise.

Y/N smiled and picked her up out of her high hair she sat in to “help” Gibbs cook.

“Mmm pancakes? What did I do to deserve this?”

“Everything” Gibbs smiled and kissed her gently.

“Momma go way?” Amelia asked with a pout.

“Bu- no- yet!” She continued in her little gibbs voice, repeating what he had told her earlier.

“That’s right princess, not yet. So we are spending the whole day together!”

“Aw the whole day?” Y/n smiled and hugged Gibbs and Amelia close.

“Yup. I took off” Gibbs said like it was nothing.

“YOU WHAT?” Y/n gasped

“Aaaat?” Amelia mimicked (it was her new phase and Y/N and Gibbs loved it).

“Tony is in charge and they aren’t to call me unless all hell breaks loose or there are zombies.” He laughs and Amelia giggled and starts to moan like a zombie.

“She learned that from Abby” y/n chuckled, “and she taught Riley” she tickled her. “Andi loooooves it” she joked.

They spent the whole day together. They went for a walk in the park, had a picnic, spent the whole day doing their favorite things. including family bed time, where they would all snuggle up in their big bed to get Amelia to fall asleep and then Gibbs would carry her to her bed once she was out.

Right before she fell asleep Amelia rolled over on her usual spot on Gibbs chest and reached for Y/N.

“Momma uggle” she whispered and Y/N scooted closer as Gibbs moved Amelia to be on her chest. He rolled on his side and curled up with one hand on their daughters back and is nose nuzzled against his wife’s face.

Y/N sniffed and Gibbs felt a tear trickle down her cheek.

“Hey” Gibbs whispered and kissed the tear away. “You okay?”

“Mhm, I just. I’m going to miss you both so much” she said snuggling into them both.

“And we’ll miss you but you’ll be back so soon.”

“I know, I just! God I love you both so much” she sniffled again.

“And we love you.”

He kissed her temple and played with her hair until she fell into a peaceful sleep, before he carefully scooped Amelia up and took her to her room. He came back and curled up around Y/N sighing happily and she nuzzled into his side.

The next day, went left for New York, knowing her little girl was in the hands very best friend and most importantly,her amazing husband.

The first night Y/N was gone, Amelia slept in the big bed with Gibbs. They knew how to get the little girl to sleep with out Gibbs there when she was wailing and missing him, but neither Amelia, or Gibbs knew how to deal with going to bed with out Y/N.

“Momma home soon?” Amelia asked sleepily and Gibbs nodded.

“Just 2 sleeps”

“poppa stay?”

“Mhm, poppa will be here when you wake up, and then you’ll get to go play with aunt andi and Riley while Poppa is at work.”

“Otay”she nodded sleepily as she clung to Gibbs’ t-shirt that Y/N always slept in. Y/N had stolen another one from his closet to take with her, she wanted her little girl to be able to sleep but she couldn’t sleep with out his smell either.

“Momma call?” Amelia peeped sleepily.

“Yup any minute now” Gibbs said as his phone began to ring. “See?” He said turning the screen to show y/N’s picture. They had their nightly bed time routine with y/n on the phone, and then Gibbs and Y/N talked until she fell asleep on the line. He chuckled slightly and whispered an ‘ I love you’ before hanging up.

The second morning that Y/N was away, Gibbs got a phone call that a case came in, so Andi and Riley rushed over to get Amelia ready to take to their house for the day while Gibbs headed in.

About a half hour later Gibbs phone lit up with a call from Andi.

“Everything okay?” Gibbs answered

“Yeah, except why the hell is your daughter mooing at me and refusing to leave the house?” Gibbs chuckled and tried to quietly explain the “meali moo” ritual with out Tony hearing from his desk. “Put me on speaker” he said after his hushed explanation.

He walked alway from the desks and said “have a fun day with aunt andi, I’ll see you soon meali moo!” And chuckled as he heard his daughter yell ‘mooooooo’ through the phone.

When he got back to his desk Tony was up with his gear.

“We got a lead, ready to go gibbsy moo?” He snickered until he was met with a Gibbs slap to the back of the head.

The case was wrapped up quickly and Gibbs was about to head home that night when he got another call from Andi.

“She mooing again?” He joked but stopped laughing when he heard her tone.

“Gibbs I need you to get here now!”

“What’s wrong? Are you guys okay?” He said as he raced to his car.

“Some guy was here! Said he’s Ami’s grandfather and he was demanding to see her.”

“Where is he now?”

“Outside I have all the doors are locked and Josh is down there making sure they stay that way, and waiting for the cops... Ami, Ry, and I are locked in the master bathroom with both doors locked and a baseball bat.”

“Thata ’ girl! I’m almost there”

“Y/n taught me well” andi laughed tightly.

“My girl is smart, is Amelia okay?”

“She’s alright, a little scared” she said hugging her close.

“Can she hear me?”

“Can now”

“Hey baby”

“Poppa!” Ami cried.

“Hey baby I’ll be right there okay?”

“Momma?”

“Soon baby, you’re safe! Aunt Andi and Uncle Josh have you alright?”

“Tay daddy!” She sniffled

“I love you baby, so does mommy.”

“Luh ou!”

As soon as he hung up with Andi he gets a call from Y/N.

“Y/n we have a problem”

“ yeah I know, I just got a call from a lawyer!”

“What?”

“Some one is claiming to be Amelia’s grandmother and is trying to get custody.”

“Yeah well someone claiming to be her grandfather is at Andi and Josh’s trying to take her.”

“Jethro! They can’t take our baby girl!”

“Call the lawyer back. Tell him about the man. Then call our family lawyer. I’m pulling up at Andi’s , cops just got here. It’ll be okay baby, no one is taking her.”

“Please take care of her. I’m still half an hour out, call me when you’re with her.”

“I will, I love you Y/N. I’ll keep her safe.”

“I love you!” He hung up and tried his best to calm himself down, all he could focus on right now was getting to his little girl.

Next chapter

@mac99martin @kittenlittle24 @viper-official @ilovemark1951 @theofficialzivadavid @averyhotchner @andreasworlsboring101 @diesinspanishbcimhispanic

[calypsoff]

Eighty. Part 2

I find it funny how women just clout chase on my husband, like every time. I am just looking at his post he put up of himself, he’s in the club and it’s a selfie of him and Kyrie Irving and this girl has confidently put we had a good time, who the fuck is she speaking on. He is a married man, I don’t want to comment because it looks petty and a little bit of a downgrade on my side to do that, but it has really riled me up to the point where I just want to scream, Chris is coming back tonight but I will be asleep by then but it’s just pissing me off that they do that. I feel like it’s always at my husband, but I see it a lot to be honest, in Hollywood nobody is faithful and now Chris is just new to the game. They better leave him alone, I text Chris, but he hasn’t messaged me back yet. He could be travelling back, looking over at Rylee in her lounger, she is just playing with her hands while I am being milked like a cow. As soon as Chris told me about this getaway I packed some stuff, Rylee’ things that is because I want to make sure she has everything, I’m going to miss my daughter so much. Do I really want to be away from her actually “god I love you” my phone pinged at the side of me. Picking up my phone and seeing Chris has text me back.

Poppa: Like u said they thirsty idc about them! Just my rabbit

I scoffed, him and that godforsaken name. He has a new pet name for me now and it’s rabbit, I wish I never started eating salad now because of him calling me that. It’s cute though.

Robyn: I know but it’s annoying to me. I don’t like that shit because you’re married to me but anyways are you boarding the flight or what!?

Poppa: Or what? U seem a little tense pls don’t be! I will be back home with u and I can’t wait to go on vacation x

Robyn: Awww a little kiss at the end? You miss me that much

Poppa: yeah I did!! love uuuuuuu xxxxxx all the kisses for u

I grinned, oh god I miss him so much. I want him home now, my phone started ringing. Look at him calling me, answering the call “I want to speak to pookie brown” rolling my eyes “she doesn’t want to speak to you ugly, say that in my ear. What you said on the text?” Licking my lips grinning, he can say it aloud “say what?” Now he’s acting dumb “you sent me a text, read it to me” Chris snorted laughing “I am with people Robyn, you wack. Just read the damn text and let me speak to pookie” looking at Rylee all content with herself “she said no, talk to her assistant” Chris cleared his throat “and who is that?” He questioned “Robyn Fenty, you are speaking to her now nigga” he let out a low chuckle “aight, but I want to fuck my daughter’ assistant” I knew it “so you can say those words but not read the text? Get out of my face” what a dog “I love you! There, but like I was saying is Rylee’ assistant able to send me some nudes? Like a little nipple, something” he’s actually a feign, I don’t know how I’m going to keep him away from me “how dare you say you’re around people but speaking like this? You better be on your own” is he crazy “with my dick in my hand yes” sighing out “you’re a dog” he really is “and you’re a rabbit, but about my daughter’ assistant, do you also breastfeed adults?” I can’t believe I am laughing at his stupidity “just be safe yeah? Get home, bye?” I need to be strict on him “I’m scared, I need soothing too before I get on the flight” trying to keep a straight face “bye Chris!” I spat; my daughter just looked at me “your father is a feign Rylee” placing my phone down shaking my head.

The feeling of seeing my husband in bed with me, I love it. Waking up and seeing him home, that’s what I wanted. Him breathing in my ear, I am happy because I missed him a lot. The bed was feeling a little empty without him so I am glad he is here and home with us, I am sure he said we are going VA today, but I will have to ask. Getting up from the bed and seeing Chris’ suitcase there in the middle of the bedroom “oh good” I said to myself, lots of washing for me but I will do it for him. I am awake before Rylee is awake, I try and aim for that so I can use the bathroom before she screams true house down in the morning. But her feeding times are changing on me too, I need to just enjoy my daughter because she is growing up on me and I’m fearful for next year. I have a lot on plate, and I didn’t think I would be married with a baby too, so when I went onto this venture it was something I didn’t think I would be so quick, I thought I would be single and living my life. I didn’t even think I would be married to Chris so soon, things happened and also my career is full steam ahead, I do not want to miss my daughter growing up though so she will come first and will be with me while I work. Then I don’t want her to spend her life on a jet going places, this is so difficult, and I hate making these big decisions on her life, what if I make the wrong one.

Smiling at my daughter “you actually love watching mommy don’t you, you love watching me cook. Well I’m eating today, egg of course. Toast but taking the crust off, I am fussy like that baby, I don’t fuck with that at all. But that is me, and once that is made, my love will be having her food too” holding her hand “yes my heart; it will be time to have your breakfast too, awwww baby. You are showing mommy your dimple?” Pressing a kiss to her hand “I love you” making my way around the counter, I need to get a knife to get these crusts off “hey, hey, hey” Chris is awake “I woke up and I was looking for Rylee” Chris jogged over to her “oh my god, I was looking for you!? Where did you go eh, oh my god. I missed you” watching him just slobber over her, kissing on her “you are annoying my daughter, you are getting your stubble all in her face” my poor daughter “missed you love” I sniggered at Rylee’ disapproved face, she is not happy at all he did all that “you saw that, she is not happy” I did think she was going to cry but she didn’t, she just wasn’t happy. Watching him walk over to me, cutting the crust from them. Chris placed his arms at the side of the counter at the side of me and closed in on me “you smell nice” trying to suppress my smile “I just got out of bed, desperado” I gasped, he is really rubbing himself against me “Chris don’t bother” putting the knife down “what?” Now he is acting like he ain’t doing anything, he moved his hands to my hips and he fully just humped me and I moved back from the counter “I swear!” Just has Chris was going to touch over my scar I grabbed his hand just in time and played it off turning to him “quit it! Shave your damn stubble and cut your hair” I pointed at him “I missed you” he wrapped his arms around me, kissing on my neck.

I am glad I caught Chris’ hand before he even placed his hand over my scar, I mean it’s not like he would care but I just feel that little insecurity which I hope I do get over it. I know Chris won’t ever care for that scar, but I do, the scar isn’t bad at all. I honestly got to say that it’s not noticeable and it’s just something I feel is there, I don’t know it’s just me. It’s something I feel insecure about, but I will hopefully get over, I have to get over it because Chris and I will be spending los of time together. I am going through my wardrobe trying to get outfits that will look good on me, my body shape has changed, and I need to account for my boobs could leak so I have to take everything “are we going tonight to VA?” I asked “erm a few hours Robyn, I booked the jet for then” of course he did, rolling my eyes “Chris, do me a favour please. You know that suitcase you just used, take your stuff out. Put them in the hamper and bring me the case, I want to use it. And please, you know in Rylee’ room there is a spare baby bag in her walk in closet, just on the floor. In that bag put in as many diapers, wipes, diaper bag, creams as you can. Thank you, we need to also take the milk with us, bottle cleaner with us. It’s not easy anymore just help me” I sighed out, feeling a hand on my head “don’t worry about it Robyn, we got it” smiling lightly, he is the best.

I look a mess; I mean I look stressed, so I put on anything. Sweatpants and a sweatshirt but honestly I am just glad to be out of the house “you have Rylee in the seat yes? She is all strapped into the SUV, you have the ear defenders for her. We don’t know what she will be like with the jet” Chris saluted me “just get in the car Robyn, let’s go. The driver is bored of waiting” Chris climbed into the SUV to sit in the car so I can sit next to Rylee “I am, get in. Thank you” I smiled at the driver “you rushed me, you’re so annoying for that” climbing into the SUV with the baby bag, I don’t even have a bag anymore, it’s just a baby bag but I put a handbag in my suitcase “hey” I looked behind me at Chris, he kissed the top of my head “you’re always worrying and shit, calm down. I feel Rylee has taken my spot though, I have to sit in the back” looking behind me smiling “oh my god, the stroller in there too!?” I spat “uh no” the driver stopped the car “please go and get it” opening the car door “they can take her out, so please” Chris scoffed as he climbed over my legs to get the stroller, I don’t want to forget that now. You need to think of every situation, as grandparents they like to go for walks so the stroller is a good idea, they will have her car seat, I also bought the travel crib so they can put her in there. So many things, they are all Rylee’ too. Outfits for days, I even bought washing powder because in case the one they use aren’t sensitive enough for her, I don’t want her to get a rash, we are going for five days, it’s a lot actually.

I am being so apprehensive with my daughter, like putting the ear defenders on straight away. I am so close to Chris as he made his way up the jet stairs, we have put a blanket over too. I just don’t want her to be sad, she is only three months so it’s a lot for her to go through. I just want to see if she is ok, Chris placed the car seat on the table. Putting the baby bag down, lifting the blanket up and seeing she is awake “hey” I cooed out, Rylee’ lower lip poked out and she cried. I had a nasty feeling she was awake, she doesn’t like the ear defenders “awww no, why is she crying” taking them off, my poor baby is crying real tear “it’s ok” unbuckling her out of the car seat, moving the straps back “sshhh, my love. I am here, it’s ok. Don’t get scared” placing her over my shoulder, my poor baby is so scared “she just didn’t like the ear defenders Chris, put the car seat away Chris for me. I will calm her down and feed her, she will be ok I think. I will put the defenders on her once she goes back to sleep, I don’t want her to be hearing the loud engine when it leaves, so I will be quick” shuffling down the seats, my daughter did not like that at all.

I am just glad to be off that jet, Rylee was ok once we were in the sky, but she doesn’t like the ear defenders at all which is an issue for me because I don’t want her to not be having them on “Rylee really played up didn’t she?” Chris said, he looks tired “she did, it is the first time Chris. For her, for us. So what do you expect, we are new to this Chris. But we will be ok, VA is so much full of greenery. I kind of like it here because of peace but also work wouldn’t be good for here” looking out of the window “VA is dope Robyn, but I am so glad I got my parents in this area and I couldn’t have done it without you rabbit, you made this for me. I appreciate you, gave me a beautiful daughter, you love me, you adore me. Hold me when I am down, I appreciate you” look at him, he is being so sweet to me “foot massage tonight?” Chris laughed “I miss your feet though; I miss sucking on them toes. Your feet are nice as hell ma” he doesn’t like to admit to having a foot fetish, but he does have one, it’s nice though that he does.

I feel so bad that I have bought half of Rylee’ closet to VA, I am actually awful that I have done this but it needs to happen, you never know what will go wrong “I really love this home Chris” stepping out of the SUV “nice isn’t it” Rylee is asleep in my arms still luckily, she is at peace now we have landed “it’s cold though “put the blanket over her” I didn’t think this through “did we bring a coat, I don’t think we did. Well I did” making my way to the door “I will bring the stuff up Robyn, the driver said he will get the stuff out” Chris said walking behind me, I want to get inside now because it’s very cold out here. Chris is excited, he ran ahead of me and started banging on the door and then rang the bell “Chris, why do you have to be this way” frowning at him, I stopped behind him “I want them to open the door, my daughter is cold, my wife is too” the door open, Clinton looked shocked “Christopher?” he said confused, “who is it Clinton?” Joyce said, “hey dad!” Chris stepped inside, I have a feeling the parents didn’t know we was coming “oh my god, what a surprise? My grandbaby” I am going to murder Chris, they don’t know.

[ruthoakenshield]

The Lady in the Black Leather (Ch 24)

Warning, some chapters contain smut, mentions of sensitive topics such as rape, abuse, flashbacks and such. This story is for  18+age readers ONLY. Read at your own discretion.

Master list for this tale to catch up: Chapters:  01 , 02 , 03 , 04 , 05 , 06 , 07 , 08 , 09 , 10 , 11 , 12 , 13 , 14 , 15 , 16 , 17 , 18 , 19 , 20 , 21 , 22 , 23

characters: Harley, Graham, Scarlett, Aiden, Phantom

You text Scarlett while Graham plays tug of war with Phantom with the rope toy.

“Hey Scar, you guys done filming yet? Want to come hang out and maybe we can find a game we all can have fun playing?” you message her and send it off.

She replies, “Sure! Aiden just got done filming for the day, we’ll be up in a bit. He got a new game he wants to play with us, so we’ll bring it when we come.”

You grin and watch Graham and Phantom play for a while. Laughing at Phantom’s game of tug and let go. He tugs the toy until Graham’s arms are almost straight out, then he lets go of the toy and it flies back and smacks Graham in the chest.

After a few rounds of that, Graham finally caught on that that was the game Phantom was playing and he surprised the dog and did it back to him. Waiting till Phantom was pulling, Graham let go. Phantom stumbled back and just looked at the two of you with a dumbfounded look on his face like he was thinking, “Wait, that wasn’t supposed to happen! I’m supposed to be the one letting go!”

You and Graham just cracked up at the look on the dog’s face. Phantom huffed and went to pout on his bed and chewed on his rawhide bone.

Phantom’s ear pops up and he turns his head towards the hospital room’s door, and he trots over to it and lets out a soft ‘Wuff’ letting Graham know someone else was there. Graham goes over and signals for Phantom to ‘stay’ and he opens the door.

Aiden and Scarlett are walking up the hallway and Phantom’s tail starts wagging when he hears them.

‘Wuff’ he says again, and Graham looks down at the dog, then back at you, you nod, and he signals ‘go’ and lets Phantom go greet Aiden and Scarlett. They catch him and pet him, and signal ‘come’ and he follows them back up to the door.

They enter and greet you. You see what Scarlett is carrying. She shows you it’s a game called “Apples to Apples” and says they thought it would be fun to play with you and Graham and Rich when he was done with work.

You look at Graham and he is reading the instructions and gets a HUGE grin on his face. “Oh, heck ya! We gotta play this!!!” he replies excitedly.

You grin and Graham hands you the instructions to read through. You do so and realize it does sound like a lot of fun. “Too bad we can’t have some drinks in here while we play it. But the hospital won’t allow it.” You say.

You all decide to play a few rounds to get the feeling for the game and then when it hits 4pm, Graham tells Aiden and Scarlett that he is going to call his wife on Zoom on your computer and asks if he wants to say ‘hi’ and introduce Scarlett.

Aiden excitedly nods and so you all gather around your laptop after you lower the bed railings so everyone can squeeze in around you.

Graham makes the Zoom call and Gwen answers and greets him. Then he lets Aiden say ‘hi’ and introduces Scarlett to Gwen and the girls, who are excited to see Aiden. The two young girls ask when he’s coming back for a visit. He chuckles and says he isn’t sure yet. They greet Scarlett and talk with her a little bit, then Graham introduces you to them and tells them you are Richard’s girlfriend.

Gwen’s face lights up. “OH! You’re the one we decided to ‘adopt’! The one Graham’s been telling me about!” she says excitedly. You grin and nod. “Yup. That’s me. ‘Hi Mom!’ you say, giggling.

She gets a big smile! “Girls, come meet your new big sister your Dad and I unofficially adopted!” you hear the girls squeal and come running into the picture. ‘Which one is she?” the younger one asks.

You wave, “That’d be me.” You tell them. They wave and say ‘hi!’ and ask you all kinds of questions, making Graham and Gwen chuckle. You answer their questions and ask them a few like what do they like, favourtie colors, hobbies. They tell you then their Mom shoos them off to go finish their breakfast.

She asks how things are going, and you tell her you met with the attorney Rich hired to go after your ex. You tell her you’re pressing charges against your ex and told the lawyer to throw the book at him.

She chuckles and nods.

You tell her you meet with the judge tomorrow and will go from there on that aspect of things.

She asks how’s things going with Richard and you grin.

“They are going good. He is taking it slow and is treating me well. I’m not used to being treated with such kindness and consideration. So, it is taking me some time to get used to it.” You tell her. “He makes me feel safe and extremely loved and cared for.” You say.

She grins happily.

“He asked me to walk the Red Carpet with him at his and Graham’s new movie Premieres and wants me to travel with him for the promos.” You tell her, giggling. “Kinda took me by surprise!”

Gwen gets a HUGE grin on her face, “Well, then Grammy, I think we had better come for a visit and celebrate your new movie and our new family member!” She tells him.

His eyes get HUGE and he looks surprised, “You sure, Sweetie? It’s an awful long flight! And I know how you hate flying!” he reminds her.

“I know, Graham, but I want to be there with you and so do the girls. They’re old enough now and want to walk the Red Carpet with Daddy.” She tells him.

You all hear the girls begging, “PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEE Poppa!!!”

You look up at Graham and can tell he is a big pushover and he grins and says, “Oh all right! I will talk to the director and my assistant and get my ladies their tickets.”

You all laugh as you hear his girls scream excitedly in the background and Gwen is covering her ears.

Once the girls calm down you feel Phantom nuzzling your leg. You motion ‘up’ and he pops up onto the bed to see what is making all the commotion on the table top. Aiden and Scarlett move out of the way so Phantom can come sit next to you on your right side. You see Gwen grin and say, “And who is that ball of fluff? Girls! Come see this!’ she tells them.

They come running back to stand by their Mom and are munching on what looks like waffles. They are looking eagerly into the computer screen.

“This,” you say, “Is my service / protection dog. His name is Phantom. Graham & Richard bought him and paid for training for me so Phantom can keep me safe from my ex and anyone else who wishes to harm me.” You explain.

“AWWW! Hi Phantom!!!” the young girls say! “What kind of dog is he?” they ask. You tell them that Phantom is a mix between two Belgian Breeds, one is the sheepdog, the other starts with a T and you can never remember how to say it. Which makes everyone laugh.

Phantom says, “Wuff!” when he hears voices, but you don’t think he understands where they are coming from. He hops back down onto the floor and goes to lie down by the door.

You tell them that they will meet him when they come for a visit and the girls can have fun playing with him then when he isn’t in his service dog vest. They get excited and tell you all they can’t wait to come visit.

You grin and look up at Graham, who is just beaming.

“Did you get her gift, Graham?” Gwen asked after shooing the girls back to their breakfast.

“Yes, my Love, I gave it to her. We were going to have it fitted today, but she ended up being attacked by her ex yesterday afternoon as Rich and her got out of the car with Phantom in front of Aiden’s apartment. Phantom attacked her ex, but he got off a shot before Phantom could bring him down. The bullet hit Harley’s leg so she is in the hospital for the next week.” He explains.

“Once she is released from the Hospital, I will take her to have the dress fitted properly.”

She smiles and nods. “Graham sent me pics of the dress and the corset. It will look wonderful on the Red Carpet, Sweetheart!” she tells you. “I look forward to meeting you in person so I can give you a big hug.” She says excitedly to you, making you grin.

“I look forward to it too.” You tell her.

You let Graham and Gwen talk for a bit and when they are done, you all tell them goodbye and they wave back and say, “See you all soon!” the girls say, “Bye Poppa! See you when we get there!” and they hug the monitor.

Graham chuckles and blows them kisses. Then they sign off.

Aiden looks up at Graham and says, “You’re such a pushover! They have gotten so Big! What is your wife feeding them! Last time I saw them, Hope was maybe the size Honor is and Honor was just barely toddling around!!!”

Graham just beams. “Just good New Zealand cooking, Aid. Kids grow like weeds at that age! Though Hope will start slowing down with the growth spurts pretty soon.” He tells Aiden.

Just then you get a text from Rich. “FINALLY DONE! 😊 Be there soon! Who’s all up there? I’ll pick up supper for all of us.”

You reply, “YAY!!!!! Graham, Aiden, Scarlett and I are all here with Phantom. You just missed the zoom call with Gwen, Hope and Honor though.” you message back.

He replies, “What?!?! Awww nuts! Well, I’m on my way. Should be there in about 20 min.” he tells you.

You chuckle. “Guys? Mind if I give you the boot for a few minutes. I’d like to get cleaned up a little more before Rich shows up???” you ask.

Graham grins and nods. “Sure, Sweetheart. We’ll go take Phantom for a good long walk around the block a couple times.” He tells you. “Just text us when you’re ready for us to head back up.” He tells you and gives you a kiss on your forehead.

They take Phantom and hook him up to the leash and grab the rope toy and head down to the outdoors. 

Stay tuned, more chapters to follow!!!

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[mydearsaddiary]

Little curiosity notes: Hey guys! We’re on chapter 9 now! If everything goes according to plan the story will end in the next chapter! I might do an additional short epilogue after, but the plan is only to continue until chapter 10! Thank you so much for reading until here and as always: Feel free to reach out!

Thank you!

Candy (08/20/2020)

Neil Chapter 9 part 1- First, do no harm

1933

-Cliff- I said as I walked from the back room of the diner I helped to manage now- you’re running low on soda, you know!

-Geez- He said, finishing up cleaning a table and running towards me- I’m awful with this inventory stuff ya know, MC. Mind seeing everything we’re missing?

I smiled, gently hitting him on the head with the papers I was holding- Glad to help.

-Neil coming in today? Just got his new bourbon stash this morning!

-Im sure he’ll pop by later when the nanny is home. How’s everything going with you?

-It’s fine, me and Jane just moved in together- He crossed his arms , blushing a little and giving me that big smile of his.

-So you finally settled down. Next thing you know you’ll have little Conways running around the place

-Maybe in a few years- He turned around when somebody called his name- Alright, duty calls. Have fun in there!

-I always have- I waved at him and returned the back room to count our stock, manage prices, and do basically everything I did at the Ice Box. I enjoyed doing the same job alongside the same people without having the risk. Our past evolved into a better future than most of what the other mob bosses had.

Suddenly, I heard the lock click. My initial shock soon turned into dark memories I wanted to forget. Impulsively I tried open the door only to find out I was actually locked in

-Hey...! Hey!- I knocked on the door- Hey, let me out! Somebody locked me in- I wasn’t scared of enclosed places. It was the sound of the lock clicking and the inability to open it from the inside that haunted me.

I hated being locked in.

-MC- The door opened after a few knocks. Vince was there- Sorry, just came in and thought somebody left it open

-It’s alright-My cheeks were colored red, but besides that I kept my posture- I’ll just do the inventory outside

1926

I opened my eyes, waking up from my sleep. I could feel no sign of light besides the faint, artificial one. I sighed heavily realizing nothing had changed. In my new found experience, not being in the sun for three weeks messes with you head. It makes you tired and empty. A crippling force tells you to accept your fate to remain there.

I sat up, only to find Vera already awake on the mattress besides mine- Did you check the day today?- I asked

-Yeah. The holidays are approaching fast. How are you?

I rubbed my stomach which now had started to show more. Vera had asked the mayor, in one of the times he came in, for new clothes. She had some in the bedroom they used to share. It was refreshing to say the least and her clothes, that were slightly bigger on me, helped me hide my condition from him. It was a light and loose salmon colored shirt that went down until my hip, and a beige skirt that went to my calf, along with white stockings. It was nothing I’d normally wear, but I wasn’t in the position to be picky.

-I feel fine- I said- I don’t feel too sick anymore. I haven’t gotten any movements yet

-How far along are you?

-Hm... I went to the doctor last month... Must be around 13 or 14 weeks.

-It’s still early. Mine didn’t move until about 17 weeks

I looked at her, genuinely surprised- You have kids?

-Oh yes, Frank and I have our children. They’re all grown and moved on to different parts of the country. My oldest one is a little older than you.

-What’s her name?

-His, actually. His name is Robert. He’s 21 now, he got a job out west and comes back to visit when he can.

-Who are the others?

-Oh, May is 18. She’s with her aunt in Florida. I sent her when things got too complicated here. She wouldn’t listen to us.

I chuckled- I know how she feels.

-Then there’s Matt. He’s 16.

-What’s going on with Matt?

-He’s in New York as an apprentice to his grandfather. My ex-husband’s dad. He wants to teach him how to run the business he owns

-Seems like they’ve got it all figured out

-Yes. Well, I know the feeling of having your first kid. I was but a bit older than you are right now. Although- She pointed to her surroundings- I had a more adequate stay

I laughed, but there was no humor in my voice- Adler’s gonna bring our city down under his total power if we don’t do something

-You don’t think your men are trying to save you or figure it out?

-Trying is the key word. Vince...-I sighed, with a heavy heart- Well, Adler shot him... He must be dead right now. That means Cliff and Uncle Charlie must be a mess. On top of it, for my uncle, there’s the fact that I disappeared. That also messes with Neil who, I can’t even imagine what he must be feeling but it’s nothing good. Then Donovan isn’t close enough with them to put everybody’s head together. Julius, Cleo, Sofia and Andrew... Im sure they’re trying to help but...- I sighed- I’m the head of the Ice Box. Im the queen on the chess board. They need me- I said as I realized it myself- I can’t spend any more time waiting for something to happen or counting days.

-You already tried everything, remember?

-Not everything- I got up, exercising my need to move my legs- You know Adler’s schedule better than anyone. When is he out for a long time?

-He’s always at the office from noon to six on weekdays.

-Then thats our time to escape. We’ll wait an hour just to be sure, then leave.

-Yes, but you’re leaving out the important part— How are we gonna leave?

-Last night, before I went to bed, I was looking around your things to see if I could find something useful

-You went through my stuff?!-She said visibly irritated

-If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have found this- I opened my hand to show her the few bobby pins I had in my possession

-How is pinning your hair up helping us?

-Oh Vera, dig a little deeper. It’s for opening the door. I can pick it!

-With those? I think you might be a little too optimistic

-Thankfully- I said cheering up- I had plenty of training sneaking back in my house, and hiding from Momma and Poppa. I have yet to meet a lock that could stop me.

She looked at me for a few seconds and sighed- Alright, I’ll bite. One in the afternoon then.

-Thats right!-I hid it once I heard the door open. They were bringing breakfast down.

____

We heard Adler leave. We heard everything until there was nothing else to hear. The anticipation was so overwhelming that when Vera’s little clock hit twelve-thirty, we were on out way up the stairs.

I got two bobby pins and started to work on unlocking the door. In a few minutes, it clicked and it opened right up to the now dark living room

-You know- She whispered- For the three weeks you were here, you could’ve tried that sooner.

-I didn’t know you had these!- I whispered too, but in an angrier tone- And you’re welcome!

I pushed the door out slowly, as if someone would head. The dark immensity of the house spread before my eyes. Without a single soul there it seemed peaceful, but in a way that unsettled you, like something was waiting to jump out from the dark. The negativity soon disappeared as I got lost in my thoughts for a second and walked over to the big window, letting the sun hit my face. The warmth of the natural light, warmed up my heart along with it. The joy of finally breaking free made me forget for an instant I had to walk out the front door.

-Miss Granger, let’s go!-Vera hurried me up

-Yeah, right- I walked up to the front of the house. By the door there was a table. I noticed keys on top of it- This is for his Ford, isn’t it?- I grabbed them-Nifty! We just got out escape vehicle

-I can’t drive- She looked at me uncertain

-Well, I’ve been learning- I replied opening the door- Now, let’s scram

___

I had to go through two Fords to find the one the keys belonged too, within myself we could taste the flavor of freedom.

Opening the door, I made my way in. It was then everything was ruined by a single shot that went right through the window on my side. When I looked back, Adler stood a few yards away with a gun aimed in my direction, along with his two goons.

-Go, Vera! Inside!-I yelled at the top of my lungs closing my door and turning on the car. I stepped on the gas and went as fast as the car would allow me to.

Soon, down the streets of Chicago we went. The bright sun and the streets filled with people would normally be cause for celebration, but my currently situation prevented me from enjoying it. I heard more shots coming our way and noticed that Adler was following us in his own car

To make everything better, Vera was freaking out in the passenger seat

-Woaaaaaaaaah, be careeeful! Waaaait, you’re going tooooo faaaaast!

-Vera!- I yelled back, driving and swerving as much as my experience would allow- If I don’t drive fast he’s gonna catch up to us—Ah!- I yelped when another shot came right in between us, making a hole in the windshield

-You’re gonna kills uuuus!-Her voice got louder and more annoying- I’m not ready to die!- She continued, letting out her “Oh!”s And “Oh my god!”s And her loud screams that were worse than the shots for me. At this point, I tried my best to ignore them since our lives depended on it

She yelled even louder when his car bumped into our rear and sent our bodies forward. I heard continuous shots that shattered our windows and I couldn’t go any faster. I had to think of something quickly, but all the stimulation from the outside made the task harder.

That’s when I saw it and hope ushered back into me. The little red convertible from the corner of my eyes, driving right ahead of us. Vince drove with ease on the wheel, while, surprisingly, our most experienced shooter, Donovan, fired back in the mayor’s direction from the passenger seat.

Seeing them, I let out a relieved little laugh. Fear was substituted with the urge to go faster, so I gained some distance on them. On the other side the trusty green Studebaker had Cliff, Uncle Charlie and Julius in it. Cliff drove, Uncle tried to steal glances my way, and Julius had a pistol, and helped Donovan by firing back. Sometimes Vince would keep one hand on the wheel and use pearl to fire as well. What I thought was going to be hell quickly turned into an exhilarating thrill.

And then, time slowed down as a third car showed up. The darker colored vehicle that belong not just to any man, but to the man I had longed to see all this time— Neil Dresner. I recognized the car but I couldn’t see him since he drove ahead of me. It might seem silly, but the importance of that moment couldn’t be just understood, it had to be felt. The whole world brightened up again just to know he was near. I knew then I wasn’t alone, and I never would be again.

And then everything came back to me in a second, when Vera’s shouting became deafening and another shot came right by us

-We’re going to die! Jesus!- She kept having her panic attacks

-MC!-I heard a voice from Vince in his car- To the docks! Go to the docks!

I nodded, better now that I had a direction in mind,so I sped up towards my new destination.

The city passed by us in a blur, I didn’t allow myself to focus on anything else but getting there. I’m sure everyone else had a plan and in my mind I started formulating the beginning of my own.

I turned into the road that led to the docks and swerving the car faster than it could handle, I stopped abruptly, hitting a few of the many giant boxes piled around, ready to be transported. The side of the car caved in, but we came out unscathed in the front

-What are you thinking?! We could have died! We could hav-

-Vera!- I yelled, looking at her, panting. The adrenaline hadn’t left my body and I knew it wouldn’t for a long time- you’re a chatter-mag bitch- I said in an unusual calm tone, still trying to catch my breath

-Excuse me?-She gave me that look she usually did when she disapproved of something

I was going to reply, but then I heard a car and shots again- Go Vera! Out of the car!- I pushed her out her way and pulled her to hide behind the boxes laid out nearby.

I heard more tires and assumed my gang had arrived to rescue us. I smiled realizing I was right when I saw Vince throwing me my trusty revolver- Let’s take car of em, boss.

-Don’t call me that- I grabbed it, feeling an immense power I hadn’t felt in a long time. I pointed it to my target, my enemies, those who sided with Adler...

...And fired.

Part 2: https://mydearsaddiary.tumblr.com/post/627009903803990016/speakeasy-tonight-fanfic-neil-season-3-chapter-10

[ladyofmercy]

Once I was 7 Years Old || Samcedes

Who: 7 year old Mercedes Jones and Sam Evans

What: Mercedes moves into her new home and meets her new neighbor Sam.

Where: Mercedes Jones home in Baltimore, MD

Notes: None

@thelegendevans

Mercedes Jones stared at her new room. When her parents told her that they would be moving and she would be starting a new school, she was excited but also nervous. She didn’t know anyone and First Grade was scary enough without having to be the only new kid in class. Moving towards her huge bay window, she glanced out, looking across into the house next door and seeing someone staring back at her. Shutting the curtain’s quickly she panicked, only to open then again seeing a little blonde boy staring at her. 

Sam was playing with his Power Rangers set, happy that it didn't get damaged during the move. Even though they moved here a few weeks ago, there were boxes everywhere. His mom was pregnant with his little brother and sister so she couldn't move around much or get to the boxes. His dad started his new job right away so he didn't have time to unpack either. The Power Rangers were easy to get because they were in his little book bag. And although he loved them, he wished his other toys were unpacked. As he was playing he noticed movement in the house next to his. He saw a little kid that looked like his age. His eyes lit up as he went to ask his mom if he could play outside. At her nod, he ran outside and went to the window where the girl was and knocked. He hoped she like Power Rangers.

Mercedes shut the curtain when he ran out of the room and shook her head. He was hyper. She went to her bed. Her lavender room was complemented with her white lace canopy bed. She grabbed her barbie, still waiting for her dad to bring up her barbie dream house when she heard a knock on her window. Walking to it she smiled seeing the boy. "Hi." She said, chubby cheeks cheesing and showing her missing front teeth.

Sam’s smile widened when the girl came to the window. “Hi!, I’m Sam. Sam, I am, and I don’t like green eggs and ham!” Sam hoped she found him funny. He worked on that opening all week with his mother. She assured him that it would help him make friends faster. “Do you want to be my friend? We can play with my Power Rangers set. I have all of them. The green ranger is my favorite.” Sam smiled and tried to remember to let her talk, but he was too excited.

Mercedes eyed him as he talked. He talked fast. But his joke made her laugh. "Dr. Sueuss. I love to read." She held up her black barbie. "This is my favorite toy her name is Michelle and she is a doctor. Maybe she can heal the green power ranger if he is sick."

Sam frowned. “The green ranger doesn’t get sick. He’s super strong.” He emphasized by pointing to the green power ranger’s muscle. “Anyway, do you want to play with me?”

Mercedes rolled her eyes. “Everyone gets sick!” She said smartly. “Poppa said so and he knows everything.” She opened her window wider. “You wanna swing? My uncle just helped put up the swing in the back.”

Sam didn’t care what her father said, Power Rangers didn’t get sick. “Yea, we can swing, I’ll push you first, and then you push me. Do you have a tire swing? That’s my favorite.” Sam waited for her to climb out the window before following her to the swing set. He couldn’t wait for his parents to set up his swing set.

Mercedes ran to her door. “I’m going out back!!” She yelled as she ran back to the window and outside. Going to the swing set she beamed brightly. “We have the seesaw swing and other swings and we have a slide. I can’t wait for them to put my treehouse cause its gonna be my secret club.” She sat on the swing so Sam could push her first.

Sam’s eyes lit up when he saw her swing set. His swing set wasn’t like hers, at least he didn’t think so. He ran behind her swing and began to push her. “Hold on tight. My mom said I’m getting super strong, but I’ll try not to push you too high.”

Mercedes laughed as he began to push her. “Higher!!! I wanna fly.” She squealed as Sam continued to push her. She really loved the swing it made her feel so high.

Sam used all his strength in his push to get her as high as she can. “It would be awesome if you could fly,” Sam said with a big grin. “If I could have a superpower, it would be flying. Then I can go anywhere I want. He pushes the swing again before asking, “What would your superpower be?”

Mercedes laughed. “Flying too!!! Really really high so I can spit on my brothers for being mean to me.” She laughed. After a few more moments she was ready to get down and give Sam his turn. “Okay, your turn!” She said moving her feet out so she could slow down.

Sam laughed at her when she said she wanted to spit on her brothers. If he had older brothers that were mean to him, he would do the same thing. But soon he would be the older, brother, and he hoped his new brother and sister wouldn’t think he was mean. Not hearing Mercedes, he went on to push her again, hard, while still talking, oblivious to what was going on. “I hope my brother and sister don’t think I’m mean when they get older.”

Mercedes moved to hop off the swing when Sam pushed her hard. She flew off the swing landing in the dirt on her arm and she screamed out in pain.

Sam’s eyes widen when he heard Mercedes scream. He didn’t mean to push her that hard. But before he could go to her, adults were rushing out of the house. Sam couldn’t stop the tears stinging his eyes.

Amelia Jones heard that scream and knew nothing good was happening. She ran outside, to see Mercedes on the ground in tears and a little boy standing over her with a worried look on his face. “Oh Mercy, honey what happened?” Mercedes sniffled as her mom helped her up. “He pushed me hard and.. and I fell off the swing.” she cried. “My arm hurts.”

Mary Evans heard a scream and rushed out with one hand protectively on her swollen 8-month belly. She was worried that Sam had gotten hurt. Buy the time she reached the back yard, she saw Sam looking so worried with tears in his eyes, and a little girl crying in her mother’s arms. Mary wobbled to the scene and immediately wrapped her arms around her son, before addressing the little girl and her mother. “Is she okay?” Sam interrupts his mother. “Mom, I didn’t mean to make her fall. I’m sorry.” Mary kisses Sam on the head, before turning to the girl and her mother. “Is there anything we can do?”

Amelia smiled looking over to Sam and his mother. “It was an accident, pretty sure she just sprained her wrist, it’s okay.” She said directing the last part to Sam. She stood smiling at Mary. “What a way to meet huh? I am Amelia Jones, and this is my daughter, Mercedes. We just moved here with my husband and two older boys.” She said dusting Mercedes off and wiping her tears.

“Well, nice to meet you, I’m Mary Evans, and this is my son Sam Evans.” She said smiling down at her now tear-free son. “We moved here three weeks ago. And it’s good to see that Sam has made a new friend so fast.” Mary looks at Mercedes and smiles at her. “And you seem like a brave big girl Mercedes.” She turns to Sam. “And what do you say to Mercedes Sam?” Sam lowers his head and speaks low. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

Mercedes continued to sniffle as Sam spoke. “It’s okay.” She said softly moving closer to her mom as she held her wrist. Amelia looked at Mary’s stomach. “Well, it looks like you guys will be welcoming another baby soon. Are you excited, Sam?”

Sam nods but doesn’t say anything else. “Yea, we’re expecting two more babies. A boy and a girl.” Mary looks back at Sam and decides to take him for lunch. “Well, we will let you go to take care of Mercedes. It’s lunchtime for Sam. But if you ever need anything, you can just ring the bell. May take me a while to get to the door though.” Mary joked.

Amelia laughed. “Yes go right ahead we are going to get our arm checked, right Mercy.” Mercedes nodded tearfully. Her arm really hurt. Amelia smiled back up. “You guys have a nice night, we really should do dinner though.” Amelia pulled Mercedes closer and waved as they walked into the house. Looking back at Sam, Mercedes sniffled following her mom.

____________________________________________________________________________

Mercedes was awoken by her mom, she was given the children Tylenol for her sprained wrist and it had been wrapped and in a brace since the accident a few days ago. She hadn’t felt much like playing so she just stayed in her room. Though her dad felt bad for her and put a TV there. She sat up as her mom left, promising that if Mercedes left her room, she could have a cookie with her lunch. It was a last-ditch effort to try and lift Mercedes spirits but nothing did she was just sad.

Mary was in the kitchen making breakfast for her and Sam since Dwight had to head in early. She called Sam down and smiled sadly at him. “Why the long face? Are you still upset about Mercedes?” It’s been a few days, and Sam hasn’t smiled since the incident. “I just feel so bad that I hurt my new friend.” Sam sat at the bar stool in the kitchen head in his hands. “Sam, it was an accident.” Mary knew that her words weren’t getting through to her son. “How about if you do something special for Mercedes. For the first time, since the accident, Sam smiled and his eyes lit up. “Mom, do we have construction paper and my art supplies? I want to make Mercedes a card.” Mary helped Sam find his art supplies and watched as he began drawing. Mary decided to make a cake to go with the card as well as a welcome to the neighborhood gesture. After an hour, Sam was ready to head over to the Jones house. “Mom!! Hurry up!” Mary put the cake in her cake dish, and she and Sam headed to the Jones house. She rung the bell, while Sam was hopping up and down in excitement.

Amelia sighed as Mercedes sat on the sofa quietly, she didn’t know what else she could do to cheer her daughter up. Nothing seemed to work. Not even Beauty and the Beast and that always cheered her up. She had finally gotten Mercedes out her room with the promise of once she felt better they would go to the water park, but Mercedes still wasn’t in a good mood. Thankfully her brothers were away at camp for the week or she knew things would be worse. Hearing the doorbell she kissed Mercedes’s forehead and walked too it. Seeing Sam and Mary she opened the door and smiled brightly. “Well hey guys, what brings you over here?”

Mary smiled when Amelia opened the door. "Well Sam feels terrible that he hurt Mercedes, so he made her a get well soon card." Mary smiled encouraging her son. He shows Amelia the card. "Can you give this to Mercedes Mrs. Jones? And tell her it's from Sam? We also made a cake." Mary lifted the cover off the container. It’s Chocolate fudge cake. I hope she isn't allergic or anything."

Amelia smiled. “I think Mercedes would really love that card. How about you take it to her, and I help your mom to the kitchen and get her off her feet.” She moved so they could come in. “Mercedes is in the living room go right in Sam. And you momma come with me, I have some tea with your name on it.” She said taking the cake from Mary.

Sam smiled at Amelia and left his mother to go give Mercedes the card he made for her. He hoped that she liked it. Sam entered the living room nervously. When he saw Mercedes, he took a deep breath before speaking. "Um--- hi Mercedes. I made you a card. In sorry for hurting you and I hope you feel better soon, so we can play again."

Mercedes sat there staring at the teapot singing when she heard Sam. Looking over to him sat up taking the card with her uninjured hand. “You draw really good Sam.” She said after a while. “Thank you.” She held up her arm. “It doesn’t hurt as much. But I can’t play yet.” She said sadly. 

Sam nodded seeing the brace on her arm. "Don't be sad, we can do other things besides playing." He saw Beauty and the Beast on the TV. "Maybe I can watch TV with you? And my mom made a chocolate cake. We can have a slice with some milk. I can get everything if you want." He was determined to show her that they can still have fun.

Mercedes nodded. “You can watch with me! It was just getting to the best part.” She said moving for him to sit with her. “I like chocolate cake almost as much as I like yellow cake!” She said smiling for the first time.” 

Sam smile big, glad that she was smiling back at him. "Okay let me get everything!" Sam ran to the kitchen and up to his mother and Mrs. Jones. Mercedes and I are going to watch a movie, but we want cake and milk. Do you have a tray that I can put everything on and carry into the living room?" Mary smiled at how excited Sam was. “I'm sorry Amelia. When Sam has his mindset on something, he gets overly excited."

Amelia smiled down at Sam. “I do have a tray that I think will be perfect.” She said standing and grabbing two plates. Handing them to Mary to cut the kids slices, she grabbed two cups of Milk and placed them on a tray with two carrying handles. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

Sam nodded enthusiastically. "I'm really strong. I won't drop it. I promise." Mary chuckled while cutting two nice size slices of cake and put them on the plates with two plastic forks. "Sam please be careful." Sam rolled his eyes. "I will mom. I promise." Mary placed the tray in Sam's hands, steadying them before letting go. Sam made sure to walk extra slow so nothing spilled. Once in the living room, he placed the tray on the coffee table. "Ready to eat?" He asked Mercedes excitedly. 

Amelia smiled brightly watching Sam walk away. “How cute would it be if those two got married one day?” 

Mary smiled at the thought. Sam never took to anyone the way he took to Mercedes. "Only time will tell."

Mercedes looked up and smiled. “I paused for you. Do you want me to start it over?” She pulled her blanket closer. “This is my Mulan Blanket, I really like that movie too.” She said softly.

Sam nodded and sat next to Mercedes under her Mulan blanket. "My favorite movie is Aladdin. I love the genie. But Beauty and the Beast is my second favorite  movie, also Lion King. I hope the cake makes you feel better."

“I like Aladdin too! I have that and Mulan, Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty. OOoooo and Lion King. But my brother destroyed Snow White. I'm glad they’re gone right now.” She took a bite of the cake. “This is so good your mom is a good baker.” She scooted over to Sam and smiled as she started Beauty and the Beast again finally feeling better about everything.

[minisception]

So I saw this guy, ‘Haarkon Worldclaimer” when the warhammer community article went up (link), and I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings about him.

Starting with the good, I love the model.  Yeah, it’s super busy, but I actually really like that in a 40k era chaos marine lord.  To me it’s a great blend of the dark vengeance chosen and current raptor kit.  I like that there’s more of that mutated/daemonic look going than in the Blackstone Fortress character.  Lightning claw and... power lance?  daemon weapon?  Seem like potentially an odd equipment load, but that’s not too hard to convert around if it isn’t particularly effective in game.

Admittedly the posing & proportions are a bit weird.  At first I thought that the central chest armor detail would prevent him from seeing anything directly in front of him whenever he was just standing on the ground, then I noticed the oddly elongated midriff, and realized that his whole upper torso craned back to look forward mid leap, instead of just his neck, which is just sort of awkward.  Also, the connection to the base seems remarkably small and fragile, but that’s been a common problem with GW models lately.  When and if I get this guy for myself, I’ll have to build up the base a bit to provide some more stable contact points.

But again, overall I love the model.  The character on the other hand?  There I’m not so sure.

Before getting into lore stuff, rules-wise the “new characters” lately have just been generic heroes with particular, usually suboptimal, wargear.  The Blackstone Fortress lord is literally just a generic black legion lord with a thunder hammer.  Granted chaos lords can’t currently take thunder hammers, but still.  I kind of expect the same here, just a generic lord with jump pack, lightning claw, and... power lance?  The spear might end up being a unique daemon weapon, but those are pretty hit & miss.  Having a jump pack is a good starting point in the current csm ruleset, though, and it shouldn’t be too hard to convert an alternative weapon loadout, so even if ‘Haarkon Worldclaimer’ isn’t a competitive unit in and of himself, he will make a solid foundation for reasonably competitive conversions.  Well, to the extent that any generic chaos HQ that isn’t a daemon prince can be competitive these days.  So... he’ll be a nice display piece.

The lore side of things is the bigger issue.  I /should/ be excited to see a new name and face added to the Black Legion’s lineup, and I /want/ to be excited to see the legion get some more ‘screen time’, but past experience tells me not to get too excited.

Chaos Marines in general and the Black Legion in particular have a history of being used as the go-to jobbers of the 40k narrative.  It’s a reputation some authors have been fighting to reverse - ADB in particular has done a good job of that in his series covering the origins of the legion - but for every ‘Talon of Horus’ or ‘Black Legion’ that depicts the legion as dangerous and competent there’s a ‘Pandorax’ or ‘Fall of Cadia’ that depicts their soldiers as background fodder and their commanders as buffoons who either fail miserably or succeed despite their own best efforts to the contrary.

There’s this related problem of portraying Abaddon as discount bin Darth Vader and the soldiers under his command as knock-off storm troopers.  This despite the fact that, if any faction in 40k were to be the analog of Star Wars’s Empire it would be the Imperium.  Chaos marines are the rag tag rebellion relying on the individually superior skill and passion of its soldiers combined with hit-and-run guerrilla tactics to chip away at a larger and better supplied foe.

As such, Abaddon isn’t the supreme commander of an omnipotent military state served by countless interchangeable soldiers brainwashed from birth to be obedient to the point of self destruction.  Rather, he’s the head of a ramshackle allegiance of self interested traitors and turncoat drama queens.  Abaddon can’t just expect obedience from his forces, he actually has to convince them that they *want* to risk their lives for him.  Every time he kills his own people it makes it harder to buy that he’d ever be able to do that.  It’s a really awful bit of characterization that never worked to begin with, yet was so commonly employed that it came to define his character, to the point that his Battlefleet Gothic rules had him firing on his own ships if they missed a roll.

And that brings us back to the actual topic of this post, Haarken Worldclaimer, and I’m sorry to say it but everything about this character and his introduction screams ‘jobber’.  I mean, first, look at is name.  World”claimer”?  So he’s named not for something he’s /done/ but for something he’s boasted he /will do/?  That’s a pretty bad sign to begin with.  And what is it he’s claimed he’s going to do?  Win the Vigilus campaign by himself against like 9 other factions?  Including the big re-release/update of fan and franchise favorite Calgar?

Being showcased opposite of Calgar in particular screams that Haarken is not a serious new player to take note of, but rather a no-name, no-stakes easy win to make the aging Poppa Smurf look good after his recent hip replacement.  Once again, it seems the Black Legion are being employed as the ‘jobber marines’.

But Haarken isn’t just boasting that he’ll take Vigilus from all the other forces vying for it, he’s boasting that he’ll do it in a scant 80 days.  And that particular tidbit, to me, screams that the dev’s aren’t *just* going to have Haarken job to Calgar, but rather are going to have him slink away in failure, or worse keep fighting till the 80 days are up only to have Abaddon show up and kill him for his ‘failure’ in another example of GW clumsily and lazily aiming for “this guy is evil and scary!” but instead landing on “this moron is a bigger threat to his own followers than literally anyone else,” and I’d rather have no new Black Legion character at all than one that only exists to job, and in the process of jobbing to undo some of the hard work that’s gone into rehabilitating him as a credible threat.

So yeah, I *want* to be excited for a new Black Legion character, but everything about the setup for the ‘worldclaimer’ screams “this is a nobody who exists only to make your chosen faction look bad and who won’t even exist six months from now when his model is re-packaged as a generic unnamed chaos lord.”  I hope I’m absolutely wrong about all that.  I’ve been excessively pessimistic about CSMs in the past, so maybe I’ll be wrong again, but we’ll see. 

Honestly, even if I *am* wrong about all that, I still kind of wish this was a Night Lords character rather than a Black Legionnaire.  Even if Vigilus doesn’t go down like I expect it to, and Haarken does stick around long term, did we really need another Black Legion special character when Word Bearers, Iron Warriors, Alpha Legion, and Night Lords don’t have any yet, outside of a couple half baked Forgeworld heroes?  In particular, of all the legions that might want a jump lord model, wouldn’t Night Lords want it most?  If this guy had been a Night Lord to start, maybe the fact that there aren’t any other Night Lords named characters would make the dev’s less likely to waste him just to build up calgar.  And even if they did just set him up to job regardless, the night lords haven’t already been used in that role to the point of losing all respectability.

It’s rare enough that the Night Lords get any ‘screen time’ at all, so getting some focus, even at the cost of taking a loss, would probably be seen as a positive development by most Night Lord players, especially if they got a permanent named hero out of it.  Where as Black Legion already has a named hero, and have been overused as the losing faction in grand imperial victories to the point that, even after Fall of Cadia (which was a rather embarrassing “victory” to begin with), no coverage at all still seems preferable to taking yet another dive.

[petty-crush]

"Okja"

-shout out to New Beverley for showing this on the big screen in 35 mm; what a experience

-this film is a tone-a-sauras. It's like eight films in one, each changing with the language. But all of them are great, Bong Joon Ho lets loose a streak of genuine eccentricity, and this is one of the best films I have ever seen.

-the pre credits showcase Tilda Swinton's character ramping up we the audience with a cutesy graphic about ending world hunger via super pigs;

+notably popping his head in is her associate repeating her words with a movement like a puppet master; suggesting he is pulling the strings behind her image

-off to Korean as the film introduces Ann-Seo Hyun as Mija, and her relationship with Okja, forming a bond with far more resonance than I was expecting

-I am somewhat in awe of Bong introducing Okja so soon in the running time and so casually. Like in "The Host" the creature is introduced concurrently with the humans, suggesting they are a character like the rest, a natural part of the world

-this section of Mija and Okja hunting for food in the forest really really brings to mind "My Neighbor Totoro". Except I actually think this is better

-the part of Okja running valiantly to hook Mija to a tree and seemingly sacrifice herself dropped my jaw

-I literally never expected such a scene let alone so suddenly in the film

-one aspect of this film I am really enjoying is how Bong doesn't introduce Mija as being a "normal" element or or stand in; he simply shows what she wants, so that we empathize with her, and we never lose track of who she is or what she desires in life (mostly happiness and frolic with Okja)

-Okja swimming like a goof and flinging her shit like a hippo is so positively sublime in its patience to show a character be content with itself

- I have to pause here and say I have no idea how to describe Jake Gyllenhaal's character Dr. Johnny Wilcox.

+What tone or planet Jake is going for is completely lost on me, and yet I was never once less than thrilled to see him.

-Dr. Wilcox is a character I got the gist most of the audience couldn't stand, and some will be quick to label a failure, but I (in addition to imagining him a double shotgun parody of the male character from "Her") found him so bizarro and different that I wouldn't have taken a second away from him

-Mija's sheer enthusiasm at seeing him is doubly sad considering his sinister intentions

-I love how baffled Dr. Wilcox is at seeing Okja being so super by being (essentially) given a free range life; to wander and enjoy her environment

+that it never was considered anywhere else is troubling and so very pathetic

-Mija's grandfather is utterly awful, he seemingly never gets her, and attempts to woo her with money (I say all grandparents real love is food until you are a human boulder and then money as a cherry on top)

-the fact that he does so while at the graves of her parents is the ultimate low

-there is something of cultural significance to this golden pig I am not getting right now, but suspect my intuition will reveals later (I don't mean in terms of the story, but how it relates to Korean culture)

-no attempt is made to humanize Okja, and her shyness is beguiling

-beautiful touch as Mija is ready to jump at this glass office door with her full force, looks at it from a long hallway, and carefully adjusts use backpack at the last moment

-I never get tired of moments where it seems the target is standing then collapses two seconds later

-this girl can't stop, not stop

-Mija's athletic attempts to get on the truck that is carrying Okja away is so Spielbergian in its utter mastery and disdain for realism in geography that I simply must say that anyone who doesn't think Joon Ho is a master can go eat shit

-the jumpcuts and angles as we follow this tiny 14 year old as she; attempts to jump on moving truck, doubles speed and actually jumps on truck, ducks and narrowly avoids being hit by low bridge, seeing even lower bridge and runs back to grab back of door is spellbinding

-the red herring truck driver/really pissed off blue collar worker is just killing me. Especially his disgruntlement at "I got vehicle insurance, but no workman's comp; so, fuck you"

-Okja running through a Seoul mall is so vintage 70's American cinema; I'm emotionally standing up and clapping

-odd but delightful detail with the masked rescuers using umbrellas to block the tranquilizer darts

-the most jarring tonal shift happens as the masks come off and they are revealed as the animal liberation front, with Paul Dano as Jay, and he fills Mija in via a lengthy monologue

-it somewhat reminds me of the council scene in "North by Northwest" where the action and events are so fast and piled so high, there needs to be a "what the fuck is going in" scene before it shift gears

-of course Bong being Bong, this is intercut with moments of a animal lover almost fainting because of his hungry, trying to "leave the tiniest carbon footprint" before being conviced to eat a tiny cherry tomato

-I suspect Bong's real feelings are coming out in Mija's cry to just leave her and Okja alone, he being one to put personal decisions and values above those put group identity and politics above all, but translations are mislead and the journey continues

-I cannot help but feel the character of K saying "learn English, it will open doors" and the later "translations are sacred" is not only Bong commentating on entering the American film industry but his dust up with the weinsteins over "Snowpiercer"

+at least in my head

-Tilda Swinton deepens her character's insanity as we find out she is obsessed with clearing her company's name and making it gold

+also that she personally designed all the uniforms for the security, seemingly inferring that she can see the trees, but not the forest

-in an extremely long and up close take the same associate from the beginning(Gicarlo Espisito) slides the chair away (as loud as possible) then casually walks over to the coffee machine, equally as loud as the chair, to the dismay and fright of the other underling is in the room

+he definitely walks along a tightrope as only he can

-Shirley Henderson (as the personal assistant) is doing this voice in a way only Betty Boop world approve of

-here's the interesting thing; pretty much every major character in this corporation (excepting Expisito's) from Swinton's to Gyllenhaal is utterly fucking demented or emotionally unstable; conversely Dano's character, while forlorn and moody, comes across as thoughtful and sincere in his convictions (for animal rights)

+ it would certainly be much different potentially if made by Americans; as animals activities tend to be painted with a bucket of antisocial paranoia

-nonetheless Mija is conned back into coming to America and agrees only out of desperation ; meanwhile the animal activists see more disturbing shit from their video feed

-in a moment I am entirely unsure of the reason for, Okja is forced to mate with another super pig; this is more inferred than seen but is certainly vividly disturbing

-Dr. Wilcox is entering the height of his carpet eating hysterics, as he drunkenly punctures Okja for her meat

-the taste test of the tiny sausage (with the second judge being a kid who says "fuck yeah!") is something out of "Robocop"

-the tone is varying wildly, as I literally have no idea what to expect

- Paul dano communicating with Mija via cue cards (including one that says "Don't look back) is a beautiful, freewheeling touch

-I note these similar cinema colors and hues to again point out Bong Joon Ho knows how to mix and match and meld with the best of them; he steals like a artist

-Paul Dano shedding his bellhop uniform just makes me happy

-another thing I like about Ho is how he treats each new scene, particularly in a new location, as way to add visual textures and patterns, keeping my eyes stimulated

-Pink Floyd pigs; I just have it in my mind

-Lucy is scared of her sister Nancy, and Espitsio's character is very subtle in revealing who his real alliance is to

-it's very impressive how much heavy emotional lifting Hyun is doing as Mija through her eyes and her movements

-despite all the attacks and chaos, the most disturbing thing in this section is how militarized and corporate controlled the police are.

+They beat the shit out anything that they are pointed to

-the part with Mija and Jay barely missing Okja is so very heartbreaking

-Nancy (also Tilda Swinton) is fully in control

And in her detached way the most demented of them all

-my stomach turned several times when they track Okja down to the slaughterhouse

-I will be truthful; I'm not entirely sure why nancy agrees to sell Okja for the golden pig; perhaps I had missed something, but the pure cinematic force of dread just wants that poor animal to be free

-in a wholly disturbing moment a momma and poppa superpig throw their young for Okja to save

-the part with all the pigs moaning and screaming into the night seems like a "Animal Farm" moment

-at last there is a moment of happiness, of light at the end of darkness, of new beginnings of Mija and Okja together.

+They certainly deserve it

-a wholly hilarious post credits sequence where Dano gets everyone in his bus to put in a mask to attacking the corporate stock holders, including a surprised granny

-a most unusual film that won me over several times, and had me upset at bacon. Bong Joon Ho certainly unleashes more pure cinema and human heart than anyone else I have seen in a long time. I grow ever more excited to see this man and his work. He is one of the greatest, and this quizzical film is his most audacious yet. I cannot wait to see it again

[sparklieststeph]

Prince "Xiuo" Reaper - English accent, male - Xiuo is the main character with a very posh accent. Think Hermione Granger, but male. At the same time, he's still a teenager, so he isn't stuck-up. His nickname is pronounced She-oh. He has a lot of dialogue, and a lot of it expresses pain. Be prepared to make your voice crack up for the effect of crying, sounds of pain, and occasionally putting on a seductive tone. This accent stays this way well into the book, and doesn't fade until very close to the end.

- Example Dialogue:

"My name’s Prince, but people ‘ere just call me Xiuo.” (friendly tone) "A.. c-car accident.. What a shittay way to die.. Mum should’ve died in ‘er sleep.. and dad of somethin’ epic like.. lightnin’.. like ‘e wanted.. and not so soon.. not so.. s-soon..” (somber tone) "'ello, Queen of the School. ‘aving a good day so far?” (cheerful tone)

Xavier Reaper - Slightly nerdy voice, male - Xavier is the twin brother of the main character who hides his English accent. He can be given a nerdy tone, or just normal. He's very awkward and nervous, so don't forget that. He doubts a lot of the supernatural things that happen in the story. He's romantically involved with Mei Lin, which means at points dialogue will only be between him and her, and occasionally you'll have to work with who voices her in order to line up the dialogue you say at the same time.

- Example Dialogue:

"Have you been smoking again, Prince!? Mom will be so upset..." (initial shock, fading into disappointment) "Shhh! Gram and Pop are sleeping!” (whisper-screaming, rushed) "Did you see that link about people seeing some guy before they died?” (curious tone) "No, psychics aren't -- ghosts aren't real." (stern tone)

Amy - Needs to be able to sound stuck-up, female - Amy is one of the smaller, but first antagonists of the story. She strongly dislikes Aquina, because of her own crush on Prince. She needs to sound judgemental and rude during most dialogue. She's a very angry character.

- Example Dialogue:

"Aquina, yeah. We know.” (annoyed tone) "Seriously? They just met each other!” (angered disbelief) "What, bitch, are you mad that you weren't satsifying enough for him? Huh!?" (very aggressive tone)

Tyrell Connor - Fuckboy, male - Tyrell is Xiuo's best friend initially, but goes on to upset a lot of the group. He's very flirty, almost obnoxiously so, and tries to have 'swagger'. He's all about partying, but sometimes has emotional moments.

- Example Dialogue:

"First: Find a party. Next: Attend party. Third: Get craaaaazy!" (joyful tone) "Damn, fool, props if he smashed that so quick." (proud tone) "Aquina, right? How ya doin’, momma? He treating you right?" (flirtatious tone)

Brian Greenwood - Any tone, male - Brian is one of the most neutral characters. He's very relaxed and doesn't have all too many lines, despite occasional points of view being in his perspective. He's the boyfriend of Rebecca, who shows up about the same number of times as him. - Example Dialogue: "Come on, Ty. We're your boys." (reassuring tone) "Wh-What!? I thought he was joking! Who would.. who would actually do that!?" (very anxious)

Aquina Baxter - Sweet, but not super feminine voice, female - Aquina is one of the main characters of the initial part of the story. She has a lot of dialogue, but doesn't often raise her voice or get too emotional. She's friendly and kind, but also very, very awkward. She can come off as shy or quirky. Her name is pronoucned A-key-nuh.

- Example Dialogue:

“I’m sorry, Prince.. I’m.. here for you, okay?” (empathetic, gentle tone) "Oh, thank God. If he bit his lip one more time, I was ready to dive into the pool." (relieved, slightly angered tone) "Is.. sex a drug?" (nervous tone)

Mei Lin - Very sarcastic, monotone, female - Mei is a strong supporting character of the story. She has a tone that makes her sound uninterested, much like April from Parks and Recreation or Raven from Teen Titans. She hides a lot of her emotion around big groups, but shows what she's feeling inside when she's around few people, and only those she trusts. Unlike her parents, she lacks a Chinese accent.

- Example Dialogue:

"Now that we’ve established how clueless some girls can be..” (indirectly insulting) "Homecoming, prom, graduation.. That’s all this year a-and.. What if it goes wrong and we don’t remember it as the great thing it’s supposed to be? What if--" (worried, progressively growing faster) "It would be in your best intentions to not type anything else. Ever." (grouchy tone)

Mariana Rivera - Hispanic, very girly/high-pitched, female - Mariana has one of the highest pitched voices of the characters in the beginning of the story, but she also has a hispanic accent. The accent can be sacrificed if your voice for her sounds great, but it's preferred to be kept with an accent. She's generally clueless and bubbly, but when pissed off, she is incredibly aggressive. Know that you'll have to say some lines in Spanish.

- Example Dialogue:

"I can't go to that shit. Brujeria, you know?" (denying someone) "Wow.. You look gorgeous! You neeeeeeeeeed to let me borrow that dress sometime." (excited tone) "Why are you being such a bitch, Amy? You go from that hoe Sierra, to this slut, and now you want to fight me? ME?" (aggressive tone)

Grama Lou - Elderly, female - Grama Lou doesn't say many lines, when she does, they're all tearful. She's the very sweet grandmother character that just wants the best for her family.

- Example Dialogue:

“...There’s been an accident.. William a-and.. Hyori.. their car was in a collision.. neither.. neither.. of them..” (struggling, crying)

Poppa Ron - Elderly, male - Poppa Ron says even less lines than Grama Lou does. He's much more stern than she is.

- Example Dialogue:

“..Your mother and father were in an accident. They didn’t.. make it.” (strong tone)

Mr. Baxter - Mature, deep, male - Mr. Baxter is an abusive father who doesn't care for his daughter. He shrugs her off like she doesn't exist much of the time. He's more focused on his job than his family and isn't a direct antagonist, but shows to be one.

- Example Dialogue:

“What is it, ‘quina? I’m in the middle of a very important call.” (annoyed tone, said after sighing)

Announcer over intercom - Anyone, preferrably female - This character only speaks once and their voice will be edited if they can't deliver the voice to sound the way an intercom sounds.

- Example Dialogue:

"Prince and Xavier Reaper, please come to the office. Prince and Xavier Reaper, please come to the office."

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope you had a good day, or at least a calm one!  I think your tree is adorable, and I love your tree topper!  It’s so pretty!  Also, my congrats if Mo leaves it alone.  Most of the kitty parents I know are full of horror stories about their cats climbing the tree/trying to eat the tree/trying to eat things off the tree/etc.  XD  One friend’s cat earned herself the nickname Monkey because the very first thing she did the night they brought her home was go right up the tree.  I’m pretty sure that was at least a decade ago, and the only person who ever calls her by her actual name at this point is probably my friend’s dad.  Another friend complains every year that she can’t use tinsel on her tree anymore because her cats will try to eat it.

And omg, that Disney/TW thing was terrible.  Most of them seemed to only be using the most shallow, surface level reading of the characters, as usual they seemed to forget that Disney made animated films before the early 90s, and also as usual, Noah and Melissa got left out, despite having been there the full run of the show.  I think I usually headcanon Peter more CN than anything else, but I can see the logic behind some NE being mixed in there, too.  Some of that could be because I tend to see his apparent desire for power as more of a trauma-based need for control than just purely for its own sake.  (It might have helped if they’d been a bit more consistent with his character…)

It’s probably because I was out of the fandom for a while, but most stuff I’ve seen that addresses it typically has the Hales being of British Isles descent.  I think that’s mainly because the name itself is English (I think?), and it helps to explain the abundance of Celtic mythology/imagery if it’s something they brought with them when settling the town.  I’m not particularly bothered either way, though, and always enjoy a chance to learn about other culture’s customs.  :D  And I love how everyone just agrees that Peter is the type to just casually speak like a dozen languages, just because he can.  XD  Also, I’m now picturing a springerle rolling pin that’s nothing but wolf images, a quite literally hand-carved hand-me-down (that I’m going to pretend was stored in the vault.)

And yeah, I figured the other kids would adapt pretty well, but I definitely foresee an issue with Jax.  I feel like it’s going to come down to one of his siblings having to step in, probably either Malia (because he actually likes her) being like “Hey, could you maybe try not being such an obnoxious douche-nozzle to my dad before I punch you in the throat?  Do I treat your dad that way?”, or Ben just being like “Why are you so mean to Poppa?” and then Jackson will have to face the full effect of the sad puppy face that got sprung on Stiles.  XD

 I feel like it would make sense for it to take a few full moons for a turned wolf to achieve a full shift, especially if there’s no genetic component.  Almost all the wolves we see turned in the show have a rough enough time adapting at first without throwing in something like that.  I definitely think it makes more sense for born wolves to have an easier/quicker time of it, especially at first.

I love both of the recent previews.  I seriously have been ferally screaming over the pinned one all day.  XD  The swagger.  The mountain ash.  The “goddammit Peter, he’s not afraid of you, he’s afraid for you” of it all.  And the section when he’s first shifting is good, too (no matter when it was written.)  That’s going to be freaky as hell, even if you’re expecting it.  And the whole thing with the way his bones are cracking and such just feels like it emphasizes how warped and wrong it all is, at least to me, because as best I remember, the few times we see a full shift in the show, it just sort of seems to flow from one to the other.  Also, it just occurred to me that his alpha form was almost like a perfect balance of the American Werewolf in London and Underworld versions of full shift.  I’m curious to see if he maintains that version or if the presence of his mates/pack help him heal to a more normal version.  Part of me wants to see him get better because I don’t like seeing them hurt, part of me really wants to see his beast form tackle hug Noah and Chris and try to cuddle in their laps.  XD

And oh, man, those window seats just made me want them to have one in the rebuilt Hale house, maybe in like a loft or an upper floor, that’s big enough for the three of them to cram into, or the kids, or assorted combos thereof, in whatever forms they choose.  Especially for like during storms and stuff.  Just, all the cuddles, and reading stories to the littles, and taking random naps in the sunshine, and everything.

Also, now I’m picturing Noah and Chris singing shit like “You Make It Feel Like Christmas” and “Cuddle Up, Cozy Down Christmas”, or like that “Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy” thing Bing Crosby and David Bowie did, while trying to make Peter a surprise breakfast, and it’s adorable.  And I’ve been listening to way too much Straight No Chaser holiday music to deal with the idea of them all singing together in anything approaching a rational manner.  And is he not supposed to look at them like they’re part of the menu?  I’m pretty sure if Peter was given the option of what he’d like to eat first…well.  XD

Those poor teachers.  They probably thought they’d lucked out with this one after Stiles and Malia, and then the holidays came around…  (Just wait until they get the next round of Haleargentski children…)  XD

And I’m going to hold you to that promise of romance XD (not really, if it doesn’t work out that way, don’t worry.)  I would say “my body is ready”, but that feels like it might come across somewhat awkward.  XD  Although it did occur to me that given how he is about the whole “your all’s shirts are way too tight to share” thing, when it gets to that point, Noah’s probably also going to have one of those “it’s been a hot minute, so some things aren’t quite what they used to be” type moments like Chris had with Peter at the motel, though I think he’d be more likely to try and joke it off, and Peter’s just going to be like “Gods, you two really are as bad as each other sometimes”, while happily reassuring both of them, because he can, and he enjoys it.

And wow, I’ve rambled on so much longer than I meant to given that I have an early shift tomorrow (or today, really…  ’>.> )  So, I hope you got some decent rest, and your meds are helping like they should, and that you are happy with what you got done on the chapter.  I hope that today goes well, too, and that you find some good candy at post-holiday discount prices, if that is a thing they do there (or will that not happen until after Christmas?)  Anyway, I hope you have a good day, whatever else happens.  Take care!  *Hugs!*

Hey hey, I honestly had a pretty good day yesterday, a little busy because of last minute store runs and an uncooperating phone. (oh joy, had to reset the bastard twice) but other than that, pretty good. 

Treated myself to a new game for Sinterklaas. It’s the Spiderman Game of the Year edition, I didn’t have that game yet and it was on sale for like 28 bucks and people left really good reviews. Maybe if I get some money for Christmas I might also get me the Miles Morales one, the new one. But I’m also getting Cyberpunk cause I pre-ordered it back in April, so we’ll see. I might just wait until Miles Morales goes on sale too in a couple of months. Still have to finish Valhalla first though XD.

And you’re not gonna believe it, but Mo left my Christmas tree completely alone. He does not care about the Christmas tree. He does not care about plants. He does not care about BOXES. I honestly think my cat is broken, but then again, I am typing this while he is sleeping in my lap and purring, so who cares.

And Omg XD I am eternally grateful Mo didn’t do that but I love Monkey and can see why they got that nickname XD What a rascal!

I mostly included NE for Peter because apparently that’s what Ian Bohen considers Peter’s Alignement to be. I personally think he’s more CN too (though I am probably basing that on his trauma.) 

I actually made a personal alignment chart for the characters in Once Upon A Time here. (Though I forgot to include three characters namely the Nurse, John,  and Danny. I think Danny would fall under either NG or LN and he would probably tell someone if someone’s shoe laces were untied, and the nurse more under LE I guess, considering her background, though I feel like she’s not evil for evil’s sake she more or less was driven to it and as such has a strong need for revenge regardless of whom she hurts, though she tries to redeem herself later. (and that’s all I will say due to spoilers). And she would probably tie the person’s shoe laces for them, old habits die hard.) John I feel like would be CG or LN and he’d be the person to untie his own shoes in solidarity. (kinda like his grandchildren Stiles and Malia, where do you think they got that one from?)

But yeah I’m still not sure how to feel about the Disney one. I can kinda see with some of them where they were coming from but none of it feels ‘flawless’ or particularly right to me? Idk. I honestly feel like Kuzco and maybe Pocahontas were the two biggest Nopes for me. I mean Scar kinda fits, Elsa, I can see that, but none of it I truly identify these characters with. Idk.

And I feel like Peter or John probably had the foresight to store some of their most prized family heirlooms in that vault. Such as a copy of the family photo, Peter’s triskelion necklace piece, a springerle with wolf inscriptions,  some video tapes of the family, personal artifacts of each family member, and Talia and John’s claws, family recipes, some gifts John made for his grandchildren, and John’s journal about the family history, werewolf lore, and lots of dirt on both Elias Stilinski and Gerard Argent.

I feel like Peter speaking lots of languages also just makes sense. He seems to be the type to have connections everywhere and to have little birds everywhere listening in for him. He would also be the type of person to either have connections to or keep an eye on the Russian and Italian Maffia, he learned French and Polish for Chris and Noah, Spanish is just a useful language to learn because it's vast. And German and Dutch were taught to him from a young age, probably some Latin too. So I can see why many people would headcanon Peter as mutli-lingual, it just makes sense for his character.

Malia and Ben ganging up on Jackson is my new favorite image. Can you imagine what the combined power of those two will be? Also just any of the teenagers realizing they can deploy the younger sibling to be absolutely adorable and people will do anything for that face, no matter what the teenagers are asking. 

As for Peter’s wolf, why not both? There’s no reason why he can’t act like an overgrown puppy as a beast and still heal and slowly revert back to his original form over the course of a couple of full moons as his mind heals from the trauma.

They’re definitely getting a windowseat big enough to seat three adults, four teenagers and a couple of little ones. Surrounded by books, a few curtains and lots of pillows. it needs to happen.

And you guessed it, there’s gonna be a shy moment where both Chris and Noah get self conscious about their bodies. Noah because, well, he gained some weight, got a bit older, has some stretch marks although he’s still goddamn fit considering what he does and he tries to play it off as a joke, Peter will show him just how sexy he is, really. And Chris has another moment because he had another baby, so more pudge, more stretch marks and due to his humanity, more scars. I think I’ll let Noah handle that one first and then Peter helps. Chris of course also worships Noah’s body, because holy shit, none of them is exactly in bad shape, but Noah’s definitely been hiding way more. Also Noah’s tall now, so Chris just sort of melts when the taller man sweeps him off his feet. We also need some Omega/Omega love in this story.

And wow, now I’ve been rambling XD. I’m gonna make me some late breakfast (it’s 1 pm) and grab some coffee and then start writing.

[ecotone99]

[RF] A Man Named Poppa

“I felt my heart slowly sinking into my chest. I definitely did not want to be here, yet my forced indifference to it all was overwhelming. I closed my eyes tightly, with the hopes that when I opened them I would be out this hellhole. 1 mississippi, 2 mississippi, 3 mississippi, 4— I hardly got to four before I was startled by the front door slamming shut. Or perhaps, what I assumed was the front door. I didn’t know where I was. Or who I was? No, I know. I’m Jenny Marie. I’m 13 years old. I’ve been here for 4 years. I think. That isn’t right.. Fuck! My name is Jenny Marie and I’m 17 years old because I have been here for 4 years now. An odd sense of calm washed over me. I think that was right. Another slam startled me out of thought. The second slam is the door to this place. I think. I opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the faint candlelight, coming from the furthest corner of the room. This was a pitiful place to be. I took note of my surroundings. When I get out of this place, they will know exactly what I saw. No windows. One door, dark brown. Three locks. Located on the opposite wall to me. Left. One chair, wooden. Painted a pale yellow colour. First corner. Metal bucket. Shit bucket. Second corner. Clean linen scented candle. This month’s candle. Third corner. Fourth corner? Me, across from the door, chained. “Mi amor?” I heard his call clearly, but it took time to register. “Love?” His presence in the doorway caught my immediate attention. I responded with a soft smile. “You may speak.” I hated when he spoke that way to me. A low growl spit out bitterly from his large frame. He wasn’t the nicest of men, but he loved me. I had to keep reminding myself that. He loves me, he really does. “How are you? Was work rough?” I never let my smile falter, never let my voice rise.. I knew better than that. I was learning. His smile left him with the same quickness as it had appeared. He furrowed his salt and pepper coloured brow, and touched his stubbly chin in an almost pondering response. I hadn’t had a moment to think before I felt heat across my face. I hated his hands, roughly calouseed, oversized. Why do his hands smell like fish? He didn’t like my response. “You’re a fucking idiot!” He angrily screeched across the room. A few droplets of spit fell on my face as the rampage continued. “I ought to have you skinned alive! Useless! Waste of space! Fucking whore!” He took a quick breath. “ WE have been over your lines how many goddamn times?! And you say to me, was work hard?! WAS IT FUCKING HARD!?! HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES?! IDIOT, USELESS, USELESS TRAMP!!” The veins in his neck bulged to their full extent, threatening to burst. His fair skin turned to a bright red as he tore into me. He picked up and launched across at me the only thing in the room with real weight.

I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t remember anything after. But Poppa says he threw it too hard. Poppa says I bled badly from my head, and I scared him. Poppa said that’s why I woke up with stitches in my head. If misbehaving is what would have got me out the room, I would have misbehaved years ago. Poppa said I’ll pay for my mistakes later. But I didn’t care.

It took awhile for my eyes to adjust. I can’t remember the last time I saw daylight. The fluorescent hospital bulbs were a good enough for me substitution for me. I’d like to say that I saw a nurse or a doctor and told them my name, where I was from, what I had been doing missing. But my broken in commands took over. I nodded yes and no when Poppa said so, never deviating from our story. Poppa had an explanation for everything. “She was running around the house again. You know how kids are. Yeah, I know she’s a bit old for all this, but she’s a little slow if you know what I mean.” His charming demeanor filled the holes of doubt. “Yes, it’s just us. Mother left when she was just 6 months, never been right since. Thank you darlin’. Yes, it mighty hard, but what can I say? I love her.” The conversation formed into a thick fog as I dissociated my chance away. Maybe Poppa was right, I’m fucking stupid.

Just as seamlessly I went from my room to the hospital, I was right back again. Was Poppa drugging me? I was chained to the wall, dying of hunger, and awaiting his instructions. “You know, that was quite the fucking stunt you pulled earlier. Passing out on me and shit. You’re damned lucky you’re my favorite.” Poppa paced the small room, half muttering to himself, half scolding me. “I swear to God, if I lose another one of yous I’ll end this shit here and now.” Another one? His ramblings caught my attention and instilled panic within me. There are others? How many? What number am I? I’m going to die here. I know it. Is Poppa a serial killer? A rapist? Maybe not a rapist, he’s never laid a hand on me. At least not yet. Is this my fate? “Are you listening to me you stupid bitch? Don’t make me fix you for good this time.” Yet again, even my internal paradise was limited to his time frame. An unfamiliar “ding” filled the room. “Fuck does she want now?” Poppa replied while withdrawing a phone from the inner pocket of his grey will coat. He has a phone? The “ding”, now multiple back to back, echoed throughout the small room. I watched carefully Poppa carefully as his expression twisted into something I hadn’t seen before. He looked from his phone to me, and reread whatever messages he had just received. Nothing deterred him from a punishment beating. Something had to be wrong. After his second glance at me, I recognized the expression to be one of fear. Poppa hastily shoved the phone back into his invisible pocket, and began looking around the room frantically. What is there to see? Poppa visits everyday. What is he looking for? This room is the size of a queen sized bed. What is going on? He abruptly stopped, and turned to me to speak, giving an unconvincing smile. “Poppa has to go now.” He only ever used those eyes and that tone when something was wrong. First we lost heat, then he forgot my birthday, now this. “Don’t you ever forget about Poppa, and don’t ever forget, Poppa loves you. With a new found urgency, Poppa kissed me on the cheek and ran out the room, leaving the locks unlocked.

Poppa was gone for three days. On the first day, I counted the cars passing our home until sundown. I thought about eating the bread I was given, but I decided against it. I didn’t know how long I was gonna be alone. Regardless, I was happy that I was alone, even for a day. Why do the days feel so long? On the second day, I let my mind get the best of me. I thought of my friends, my family, and my real home. I remember when my little sister was born. My mom wasn’t planning on another, so we called her “Our little surprise”. I was jealous at first because she was born right before Christmas. But after she got here, I was proud to be a big sister. Mom let me name her Ruby. I heard sirens in the distance. My chest tightened against erratic beats, a fight between my rib cage and my heart. For a split second, I felt freedom, just two doors away. The sirens were right at the door, I knew it. I could practically feel it! I don’t know who shut my door when the Police came, but it wasn’t Poppa. A middle aged feminine voice spoke. “Hello Officers, is everything okay?” I only heard mumbles for the Officer’s response. “A disturbance? Why, I’d have to say you have the wrong house young man.” A lighthearted chuckle. “Would y’all like anything to drink? It’s plenty hot outside this afternoon.” Another mumble, higher pitched. Their steps within the the house stung against my ears. I had a rock stuck in my throat. All I could do was silently sob my second chance away. Why couldn’t I move? Why couldn’t I let any breaths escape me? How long had Poppa been gone? Poppa said that when the light form under the door went from left to right three times, that was one day. On the third day, the Officer returned, but not for me. The faintly recognizable voice woke me out of my sleep. I felt so weak. If each left/right is a day, Poppa would have been gone for 9 days. My body feels 9. I had no hope left. That Officers voice though. I don’t know what about it, but it made my brain snap against my head. That isn’t Poppa voice, stop it. I’m so stupid. Poppa needs to come back. Any old man isn’t my Poppa! In the days after, I had only enough strength to only watch the left/rights the first four times. I thought I was meant to die. In my solitude, I would’ve begged Poppa to come and beat me.

What happened next came in flashes. At least, that is how I remember it. “MERRICK COUNTY POLICE, WE HAVE WARRANT, OPEN UP.” Flash. Someone unlocked my ankle chains. It hurt. The rust had begun to fuse to my dampened skin. Flash. “We don’t have shit, get out my house and get the fuck off me!” Flash. Light blinded my eyes as someone dragged me by the hair out of the room. I counted the doorways as they hit my back. One. Two. The smell of freshly cut grass. Flash. Whispers. “Why do you keep this one seperate?” “Fuck off man.” Poppa? Flash. “Put your hands behind your head, get on your knees, legs crossed, NOW!” “Fuck this.” “Drop her!” Flash. Bang. Bang. My ears rang, stung with the proximity of the bullets. Flash. I felt my head hit the dirt. Hard. I didn’t have the strength to pull myself up. I laid there, practically lifeless. Flash. “Is she dead? Why did they bring this one out?” “Hey, Boss, they sliced the other ones up. Cancel the medic?” “Holy shit, I think we got a live one.” “MEDIC!!” Flash. Why is it so bright still? Am I moving? A car? “Stay with us sweetie, you’re a fighter.” My head hurts. Flash.

When I awoke in a hospital bed, I fully expected Poppa to be next to me, his grin a yellow contrast to the burning fluorescents. When I noticed that the man in the chair next to me wasn’t Poppa, and that there was a strange woman beside, I respectfully lost my shit. “GET THE GODDAMN FUCK AWAY FROM ME.” I screamed across the room, ripping the IV out my arm. “WHAT IS ALL THIS?! WHO ARE YOU!??! WHERE IS POPPA?” I sprinted, sobbing, through the large clear doors of my room, hollering my head off like a kid parentless in an amusement park. I made it about two rooms down before a team of male nurses caught and sedated me.” I paused. I didn’t want to read from the passages anymore. I hated this part. It made me regret writing the autobiography altogether. I took a need breath and counted to myself, hoping to stop my dissociation on live television. One mississippi, Two mississippi, Three mississippi. The TV show host, with an irritatingly sunny disposition, thought it a good idea to interrupt my coping skill to “cheer me up”. Dr.Lockheart always said “A regular person doesn’t know coping from needing reassurance. Be patient, especially if you’re going to go through with publishing this book.” “You know darlin’, we’ve gone through quite a bit already. If you want we can make this a three week special?” “Thank you, if we can.” I got up from my seat and left the book in the lounge chair. I walked right out and kept walking until I reached home. It was a long walk, but I need to breathe. 32 city blocks would give me that and then some. It was hard enough telling the police my story from the hospital bed that day. It was burden enough to know he slaughtered the other 13 girls he had and kept me to run with. It painful enough to put my daily accounts in writing for the nation to make a spectacle of. But this? I no longer wanted any part of it. Three week special my ass, they already have more than they need to dramatize my trauma. I halted my hurried pace to catch my breath. I hadn’t realized how fast I was going. One mississippi, Two mississippi, Three mississippi.

I had been telling my story for about 2 years now. I have all the facts, Dr. Lockheart says it’ll make this process easier, but half the time I wish I was still oblivious and chained down. I was kidnapped on May 7, 2011. I was 12 years old. I was at the park with my nanny, and she found a call to her fiance more important than me. I was held captive by a man and his friend named Jonah Smith. He held me for 7 years. In the same time frame, held 15 other girls from across the country. We were held in his mother’s house in a sunny suburb on Long Island. His mother suffered from Alzeheimers and couldn't decipher our screams from the evening news. She committed sucicide in her sane moments before the trial. His brother died on the lawn of my freedom date in police crossfire. Over those 7 years, he starved, abused and raped every single girl except me. Don’t ask me why, but I was his favorite. I was the only girl to make it out alive. I was the eldest. I wasn’t the luckiest. I’ve since been to fuckloads of therapy. And honestly, I wish I wasn’t saved that day. I wish I were killed like the others, or not picked in the first place. I wish I had died of malnourishment like the youngest girl. I wish his beating would have kicked in a rib that punctured a major organ. Don’t get me wrong. I know that nothing that happened was my fault. But I do know what is, and it’s beginning to creep up on me. I don’t know if I can live with myself. You don’t understand. There was so much pressure to put a face to the monster. The authorities didn’t question what I said, they just wanted an answer, a face to the crime. The warrant that day wasn’t for the man, but Jonah.

I don’t know the man who they took away once the trial was over. I hope one day he can forgive me. I had to say something, give them something but the truth. For the truth is, even after 7 years.. I don’t remember what Poppa looked like.

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[jackblankhsh]

Punishment

I.  Good Boy

           When I'm good Poppa lays brick dust and salt.  He pours the two in a braided line across the door to my bedroom and on my window ledges. Then It can't get in.  I don't know if It has a name of Its own like Bob or Tim.  Poppa says It's a Xaphan.  His Momma called It to teach him lessons just like her folks did for her and so on and so forth going way back to I can't even count when.  But the dust and salt keep It away.  Well, keep It outside anyhow.

           On nights It can't get in the Xaphan scratches at the glass.  

           When I'm bad Poppa sweeps up the lines.  Like the other day Poppa said I's eating too loud.  So he picked me up from the table, took me to my room, and swept up the lines round the windows.  Then he locked me inside.  

           I can't use my left hand so well since then.

           I'm always good afterward, though the lessons don't tend to stick.  Somehow I keep making mistakes.  Like I've been taught not to lie, only sometimes I still do it; I think I'm telling the truth, but Poppa says I'm being a liar, so I guess there's a right way and a wrong way to be honest.  Or sometimes I don't learn enough and doing good makes me bad.  Like I tried eating quieter only it made me eat so slow looked like I wasn't touching my food.  Poppa says not eating someone's cooking is the same as saying it's shit. Not that I'm allowed to swear, but that's how Poppa said.  

           Every time I'm bad means a visit from the Xaphan.  

           It's like a cross between an alligator 'n' a bat.  I hear Its wings before It gets to the window.  The Xaphan pushes open a window -- I don't lock them anymore since It'll just smash through the glass which makes Poppa double mad -- best to just let It in.  I don't even hide anymore.  There's something worse about thinking, 'This time It won't find me,' and then It does.  I'd rather just get things done.  

           I suppose it's not so bad.  I mean, people have to get punished for when they do wrong.  Poppa said, "You weren't born right.  You have to be made proper."  It's for my own good.  It's for my own good.  

           The first time was the worst.  Well, the first time I remember.  See, I have this fuzzy notion even before I's five I'd seen the Xaphan, but it wasn't till after I's near six I really remember It.  There used to be this cat I'd see chasing mice in the field behind our house.  It took a couple of weeks, but I managed to use a saucer of milk to get the cat close enough where I could pet her. Eventually, that big old cat'd let me pick her up and carry her around, so I took her inside.  When Poppa got home he saw the cat and says, "You trying to make me sick?  I'm allergic to those goddamn things."  He locked me and the kittie in my room that night.  We curled up in my bed all peaceful.  I don't know when exactly the Xaphan showed up.  I remember waking up to a bumping sound.  I've gotten to know that sound real well over the years.  It's the sound of the Xaphan opening the window, using It's shoulder and snout to push up till It can crawl inside.  I screamed for Poppa.  

           Grandmama says, "Children have that instinct."  

           Poppa didn't come running, but I suppose you can figure that part yourself.  

           First, It ate the cat. I was going to call her Pickles. But I wasn't suppose to have one in the first place, so the Xaphan got rid of it.  Then It pulled me out from under the bed.  I hid under there according to more instinct I suppose. Didn't do any good.  The Xaphan dragged me out with a wing -- long strong fingers grabbing my leg.  It chewed up my arm some.  I was balling, tears running like a flood, and screaming to wake the dead.  I thought Poppa must be dead.  Why else wouldn't he've come to help me?  Xaphan licked up the puddle I bled out.  Then It left.  Just like that.  That's all of what It does:  chews me up a bit then laps whatever blood comes out.  All things considered, the Xaphan doesn't kill me.

           Anyhow, I passed out.  

           Next morning, Poppa woke me.  He waited to hear all of what happened.  Afterwards, he said, "Now you know not to bring a cat in my house."  Seven years since, and I don't even look at felines.

           Sometimes It takes a little blood.  Sometimes I have to go to the hospital.  What's nice, in a way, is I've got a scar now so it looks like I'm always smiling.  'S good to smile, though getting that one made a serious mess.  I don't really recall what I did to deserve it, but I'm sure I'll never do it again. And I cleaned up afterwards, as always, spick and span like Poppa insists.

           It's my responsibility to do what's right.

           What I'm getting at... Mrs. Fletcher who runs the grocery saw my leg last week.  I didn't mean for her to notice, but I had to scratch around the teeth marks.  They itch like crazy when they're healing.  So she noticed and asked Poppa, "What happened to your boy's leg?"  

           He told her a stray dog bit me.  Now, that's a lie, flat out plain and simple.  What's more he knows it's a lie.  Xaphan gnarled my leg for not doing my chores right.  And lying is wrong.  

           If I've learned anything from my father it's that when people do wrong they have to be punished. Otherwise they might just keep on getting worse.  I sometimes wonder how bad a person I might have become if not for my lessons, harsh as they are.

           Whenever Poppa sweeps up the lines he always leaves the one across my door.  I think the Xaphan comes to my room because of a symbol I found painted on the floor under my bed.  This used to be my Poppa's room when he was my age and Grandmama taught him proper.  I figure the Xapahan goes to the symbol first, but once It's in the house It can go wherever It wants.  

           So tonight I moved real careful, swept the line off a window ledge onto a sheet of paper.  I kept the line whole then lay it in front of the closet door.  After Poppa went to bed I got down on the floor.  Blowing under my bedroom door, I cleared the line on the other side.  Then I hid in the closet, safe behind the brick dust and salt.  I even left the bedroom door ajar so the Xaphan could open it easily.  

           ...I can hear them. Poppa is screaming.  I don't think he's seen the Xaphan for a long time, isn't used to the lessons.  And it sounds like the Xaphan is hungry, like water balloons are being thrown around the room.  Pop splat. Pop, pop splat.  Poppa will thank me.  Like he's told me, "This is for your own good."  That's why I did this.  That's the only reason.  I hope he learns his lesson.

 II.  Fatherly.

           I've got to raise this boy right.  Out there is a world -- he doesn't even know how hard it gets.  But he will.  Too soon. I'm doing the right thing.  

           I don't want to bring him up the way his Grandma done with me.  My Mama taught me proper.  That's how she puts it.  I'd say she raised a Mack truck with all the tires flat.  Sure, it can get around, but it isn't going far.  She broke me then built me back up just enough to be useful. Sometimes I feel a chain I know isn't there.  But she had her reasons, though knowing about them doesn't make me care for them.  That is to say, I get why she did what she did, I just get the feeling things could've gone different.  

           "It's our duty," she'd say, "We keep what's living in the deep dark from coming too close."

           I suspect she took no pleasure in the way I's brought up.  Although, maybe that's just me hoping.  She always says she's proud of how I turned out, prouder still how I'm raising my boy.  If she knew...

           Ever since I's little my Mama taught me 'bout the things in the swamp.  We'd hear 'em at night, creeping round and making all kindsa strange noises.  Some sang real sweet like bird calls that stiffen a man, if you know what I'm saying. Others put ice chips in my blood. On occasion, my Mama and I'd sit on the porch to watch the shadows move through the trees.  She knew 'em all by even dim shape.  I suppose I've gotten to know 'em just as well.  

           They're horrible things. Some are just slithering masses of teeth like a chainsaw made out of jelly.  The rest are like the Xaphan.  They seem familiar at a distance, but up close they're blends of different critters no one'd mistake for natural.  Like there's these snakes with scaly chicken bodies.  Those bastard always look you right in the eye as if they could kill you with a blink if they wanted to.  I've seen 'em all.  I've fed 'em all.  And I don't want my son to have to.

           Mama said my responsibility is to go out, put blood on the totems all around the swamp.  That's most important.  Blood's the fuel for whatever magic keeps these nightmares where they are.  Every few years though... I earn a living picking up dead animals around the city. Every day I drive around to scoop up road kill, cart off dead pets, and sometimes, if no one is looking, I use my rifle to pop off a few if needs be.  Nothing serious, just nutria, big ol' rats -- I'd never pop someone's pet. After draining what blood I can, I take every last carcass into the swamps.  Dinner time as it were.  Those nightmares never leave anything behind.  Sure, sometimes I find a little like doll made of bones and fur, but most every last bit gets ate.  The thing is animal stuff only works for so long.  

           See, magic isn't too far from mechanical things.  The parts wear down, fuel runs out, and someone, preferably who knows what he's doing, has to replace the lot.  So every few years I go into town, and I make people disappear.  I only need four.  That's usually enough to replace what's not working.  Skulls are the most important.  I do what I can to be kind.  No sense making some all terrified.  It's bad enough they're dying.  Practice made perfect as it were, I know how to slip a knife right through the chest, cut the heart in two so a person goes real quick.  Blink of an eye.  Anyhow, then I put up a fresh totem.  The trickiest part is removing the tendons to use them like string. I've gotten real good at it all which makes for a strange kind of pride:  I'm good at what I do, though I don't like what I do.  

           My Mama says this isn't wrong because it's what's gotta be done.  That's why she'd sic the Xaphan on me.  She told me it likes the taste of guilt.  So all the times it's lapping up my blood Mama says the Xaphan is "licking at your guilty conscience.  It loves the flavor, but you don't have to season a damn thing.  No, no.  If you don't feel guilty, you'll have no flavor."

           I think that's all bullshit.  A person can tell a nine year old a lot of things that aren't true, and it should be no surprise the child buys every word.  She was making me what she needed, and I did my best to be what she wanted. She said there were things I needed to get okay with doing, and how to practice so as I could be high quality when it came time.  We used to get a lot of critters come through our backyard.  I'd trap 'em, kill 'em, and show my Mama so she could be proud.  And eventually it didn't bother me.  Still doesn't.  Except ya see, the funny thing is that's exactly what bothers me.  I know I shouldn't be able to do what I do without feeling bad.  That makes me worried what I've lost.  Maybe in a way that's feeling bad, but it don't hurt the way I think it should; and I want to tell that to Mama only she's got so old now all she can do is lie in bed staring at the ceiling, all withered up she looks like that cling wrap stretched over a skeleton.  

           It might kill her to hear me say, "I hate what you've made me.  I hate you for making me this way."  

           It'd kill her, I'm sure, and I don't want her to just snap out of life like that.  Boom -- gone.  No, sir.  I want to watch her die bit by bit.  Like watching a candle burn itself out.  Although, hell, who am I kidding?  Part of me is still afraid of her.  

           I once heard that if an elephant gets staked to the ground when it's real little it gets so used to the chain and not being able to move alls a fella has to do is plant a stake in front of that elephant, even after it's gotten big enough to flip a car, and that big fucker won't be able to move like it's still chained.  

           Anyhow, that's what I'm getting at:  why I don't just pick up and leave.  I mean, my wife wanted us to run.  

           She used to say things like, "Let's take our son and go.  We can go anywhere, be anybody.  We don't have to stay here."  Poor Alice. She really loved me.  

           I met her one day when I's running errands.  She was the new girl at the hardware store -- prettiest cashier the world's ever seen, far as I'm concerned.  We got to chatting.  I tended to come around once a week for stuff.  Living out near a swamp folks need to be handy.  Natural world is always trying to creep its way back in. I left a t-shirt outside once when I's thirteen, and the next morning moss'd eat the whole thing, left nothing but a big mossy t-shirt shape.  And then we got the nightmares to worry about.  They're always chewing something, breeding rot and what not.  All the metal keeps rusting to useless -- it's like living to prove a point, though what point I'm sure is different person to person. But anyhow, I tended to have to hit up the hardware store regular.  Then I found myself making up excuses to go just to see Alice.  

           Alice used to say, "It wasn't love at first sight, but I knew I could love you given the chance."  

           Well, she got the chance, and she fell in love.  

           Mama didn't approve. She thought we should do like she done. Her Daddy snatched some fella off the road, and they kept him tied to a bed in the cellar till my Mama got full up with me.  Then they fed that guy to the swamp.  End of story. The family goes on.  

           Mama said, "You can't have your cake and eat it too.  That girl will not understand what we do, what we have to do."

           So I showed Alice what lived in the swamp behind my home.  I thought she was gonna have a heart attack.  She went whiter than milk, shaking all over, and she even pissed herself. It took about four hours to calm her down then I told her how I kept them back, that it was my family's responsibility.  Of course, I only told her about using animals.  I left off the stuff about having to use people from time to time.  

           She looked me right in the eye when I finished, and I'll never forget this, she said, "You go out there every day so those things don't come to hunt in town, and nobody knows about this?  That's... heroic."

           I never thought of myself as a hero, though I'm sure she wouldn't've either if I'd told her about hanging a person's lungs from their jaw bone.  It felt nice to hear even though I don't suppose it was entirely true. Still, Alice understood.  

           For three years we were married.  I've never been happier.  Alice didn't have much family.  That is to say, she didn't have much family she cared to see.  So it didn't bother her much disappearing to our backwoods.  

           Mama acted polite the best she could, but I knew the two would never really get close.  Alice tended to ask questions Mama hated.  Like, "Why do you keep them penned in?  If they're so dangerous why not kill the creatures?"  Mama'd tell Alice, "Gators can be dangerous.  Should we kill all of them just to be safe?"  I always found that odd though.  See, Mama once told me how her granddad used to let the nightmares out from time to time, and how that's why we get a check once a month from the city nearby, and if that check ever stops coming I'm supposed to take down a totem, maybe not feed the beasts for a night or two; but like I said there's some things Alice just didn't need to know.  

           Anyhow, it got to be one of those unavoidable situations.  Long story short, I went into town, wrangled four people, and one got loose.  He ran from the shed out back to the house.  I thought I got to him before he woke anyone, but fuck-all if I wasn't just in time to kill him in front of Alice.  She watched me stab that boy.  I remember her and me staring at each other, and me looking more upset than the boy I just killed.  His blood ran right up to her feet.  Alice left little red prints when she ran to our room.  I spent all night trying to talk to her through the door.  All night she never said one word back.  I talked soft as I could, explaining why over and over, why I got to do what I did and saying sorry, sorry you had to see that, and never once really caring about any of the reasons I offered if it meant she wouldn't love me anymore.  Then finally, in the morning she unlocked the door.  She looked at me with these eyes I never seen her have -- empty, hollow.  

           She said to me, "I'm pregnant."

           That's when we started whispering about leaving.

           No one, far as I know, can see the future.  Still, there are certain times it gets real clear how things are probably going to turn out; and I knew any child of ours was going to be expected to turn out just like me.  I don't even want to be me.  So naturally, I didn't want my kid turning out the same.

           I was scared, but Alice made it all seem possible.  Hell yeah! we could go anywhere, be anything else, leave the nightmares behind.  More importantly, we were going to.  We were set and ready.  Then I came home one day to find Alice missing.      

           I asked Mama, "Where's Alice?"

           Mama said, not once taking her eyes off her knitting, "You best put that girl out of your mind."

           "What? Why?"

           Mama said, "She's in the cellar, for the time being.  You can see for yourself, though I don't know what good it'll do."

           I went down there... Mama told me later she drugged Alice then used her knitting needles to stab her brain, slipped them right in through the tear ducts.  We just needed the baby, Mama said.  She put Alice on a cot in the basement, tied her down with old belts, and told me, "Once the baby's born you can fed her to the swamp.  No sense having so many mouths to feed."  

           And I did what I was told.  

           That's why I gotta raise this boy right.  He needs to grow up hard.  Maybe I should've left a long time ago, just taken the boy and run.  But I'm scared.  I keep having the fear if I even think about leaving, so much as reach for my keys, Mama is going to know.  How she knew what Alice and I were planning -- we were so secret I didn't even know half of what we were doing.  And when Mama knows she'll just sic that Xaphan on me or worse, and that'll leave her to raise my boy the ways she wants.  The way she calls proper.  

           I'm being hard on him. I know I am.  That's the plan.  See, I figure the way I'm raising him can only come out one of two ways. One way, he grows up to hate that Xaphan so much he'll want to kill it, and when he learns there's more like it, kill 'em all.  With his Grandma stuck in bed, the simplest way is for him to just walk out past the totem line, leave 'em to starve.  Hell, I won't stop him.  Even if that means they come here looking for food.  The other way, well, I figure he might just get so fed up with the way things are, he'll run away.  He'll be gone from here and never want to come back and that's just as well.  Fine with me.  My Mama won't be able to twist him like she did me, make him too scared to do anything other than what he's told.  

           But either way I got to play along, pretend like I'm raising him proper.  Otherwise, she'll feed me to the swamp, and that'll just leave her alone with my boy.

           ...there's something at the door...