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thewritingstar · 3 years ago

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The Sun Sets With You

Pairing: Blossutch

Fandom: Powerpuff Girls

Rating: T

Word count: 6k

Warnings: Major Character Death.

Note: I am so excited to finish this fic! Thank you so much to @creativecilla for commissioning time and time again. She asked for a sad and angsty fic so I hope I delivered! (She also asked for a happy fic so dont worry that's coming soon)

Don't worry there will be a little bonus after this so don't come for my throat too hard.

Anyways, I hope that you enjoy this because I had the time of my life writing it while crying.

Thanks for reading <3

(the italicized is flashbacks just in case ya confused :)

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“Your love is like a sunset, the longer I wait, it slowly fades into the sea, making a beautiful distraction, As loneliness and despair creep from behind like the shadow of the night.” -Albion Gremory

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The gate waits patiently for her to cross. It's black and shiny as if it were polished just for her. She has been here for almost an hour and yet she hasn't moved an inch. The bouquet of flowers she spent just as long picking out are starting to get annoyed by her lack of movement and although they don’t have a voice or emotions, she can tell they are growing weary too.

She doesn’t understand. Why couldn’t she simply walk forward and make this easy? She was a trained assassin, a spy at the very core where nothing could challenge her except for this field of grass. Grass that is bright green and thriving yet underneath its healthy roots, is a minefield of bodies. It's odd to think about. The care and water used to make sure that the green is at its brightest and the stone looks nice but in reality, it won’t matter.

Nothing matters anymore.

Her grip tightens on the poor flowers. A frail red ribbon holds them together instead of being wrapped in her ginger hair where it belongs. The last time she wore it was the day...it's been a while.

The cemetery has a familiar feel to it. She’s been here before. She has been here many times and has even memorized the grounds. However, this time is much more...intimate. A much more personal experience.

It was never personal because in her line of work, this was normal and happened often. You would come into the office and hear about the poor sucker that got shot, stabbed or blown to bits, grab a hopefully fresh cup of coffee and make sure that you don’t end up the same as them. It was all a part of the job to join the unavoidable circle of life.

Before it was just people whose identities changed day in and day out to avoid this particular outcome. To avoid becoming worm food and having fresh flowers at the bottom of your name. Death never meant anything to her but an end we all have to face. It never meant to stop and think about your life because she didn’t have one to live.

There was no glory waiting for her back home as she finished another mission. There was no dream to achieve because she plagued those of her mind years ago. Warmth and desire from others could not be tolerated. It was dangerous to have anyone close to you but hurt even more when they were gone.

Her dreams had been swept into the night and burned like a fallen star. They were meant for rare quiet days where she could close her eyes and have a glimpse of another chance at life and then it would be over and she couldn’t allow anyone to hold her back. But just as there are dreams, nightmares will surface too.

This was a nightmare only for her eyes. It was common for members of their work to come and pay respects if they got time but for this, she asked that she would be the first. And only then was anyone else allowed.

The months that ate away at her aching heart caused her to be the opposite. She said she had gone, said her dues and the rest followed. Her lies now corrupted her normal life, if you could even call it normal.

So she became the last person and perhaps that's for the best. Even in death, she keeps him waiting. But unlike the other times, he couldn’t leave or say anything about it. The silence of the coffin was enough for her to know that she might get the last words like always but she doesn’t want them.

She would rather keep her words to herself, her mouth stapled shut than utter the last words. She also knew that he would rather listen to her all day than have a moment of silence.

So here she is. A little black dress that poofs out gently at the bottom just above her knees. It was the same dress she had worn on their mission in Italy years ago. It had ended up on the hotel bathroom floor much sooner than expected, however this time the smell of sandalwood and pine had been washed out.

She feels like a housewife ready to see her lost husband coming back from the war in the form of a corpse. The only difference is her vision won’t include the golden bands. Her thumb grazes her ring finger feeling nothing but bare skin and it pains her to think that she was so close. So close to a dream.

She inhales and exhales. Her ability to control her emotions is unlike anyone else. If she chooses to be a stone wall, then nothing will make her crumble. For years she had seen bloodshed and violence. Encountered dangerous people and never once had a hard time sleeping.

Steps take her closer and she feels herself start to decay brick by brick.

Every breath comes out colder and slower and she doesn’t have to look to know she's right in front of it because all the oxygen surrounding her has left and replaced with a frosted void she's grown used to over these past few months.

“Hello.” Her voice is firm and polite.

Formal. She’s too formal and she can practically feel him rolling in his grave to tell her to die it down. Die it down. She hums at that thought and complies with the request that wasn’t even asked but she knows him.

Her feet slip out of her heels, the ones he had bought randomly. The ones she had danced in as he spun her slowly. Her toes feel the dew on the grass. She hates the feeling, her exposed skin starts to itch and irritate her but that just reminds her of her beating heart. So she forces herself to rest on her knees but keeps her eyes shut. Bravery was never something she lacked.

But being brave with her vulnerable emotions had never come easy.

“Just open them.” She scolds herself. No one is around but she feels like the entire world is staring at her.

This isn't work.

This isn’t a mission.

This is him.

Slowly her eyes flutter open to reveal the truth she tried to conceal. The wall inside of her has fallen. There's a suffocating way about this all. She's a woman of logic, a see it before believe it kind-of-person. It's a crumbling mess that turns her into ruins.

And that's when it hits her.

Like the fall of Rome, there are no survivors. There is no happy ending here. Everything leads to Rome...everything leads to heartbreak eventually.

Tears overwhelm everything else. Blossom Utonium has cried for a fallen coworker but never once had she had to grieve and take in the burden of her heart growing dark and heavy.

Her fingers clench the soil. She didn’t want to cry. Didn’t want to sob, not at the risk of seeming weak, but to actually force herself to come to terms with it. To see it written in stone as literal as it comes.

Butch Jojo is dead.

There’s no other way to put it. No soft angle to come at. No lessening the blow because she was there and saw it with her own eyes. No one had to tell her because she relieved it every time her eyes closed.

How was she supposed to go on? He was the piece of her puzzle that fit so neatly and perfectly. She didn’t realize that the picture became indecipherable the moment he was removed. She clawed at that table trying to put back all the pieces. Trying to figure out where they all go but she's left with segments that don’t seem to fit any longer.

He was her sun and moon, the day and night and every other cliche slapped onto an overpriced Hallmark card. He was it all, and now he is gone. Gone too soon and she barely had him in the first place.

The gravestone itself is simple. It's the only one on the lot that isn't decorated by a three foot high statue or a giant cross. It's as basic as they come yet the man it was for was far from it. There was no luxury of filling the coffin with a body. So every bit of him was taken physically and metaphorically from her.

His name is in an elegant cursive and his birth name. Something most people didn’t know. Usually spies and assassins change up their name to make their identity untraceable. She had known him as many different names, but Butch was the only one who she cared about. The only one to ever make her feel like herself.

Her fingers hover above the engraving before setting on the coldness and tracing it with the tip of her index finger. It takes her breath away like an old candle finally burning out.

She wonders if a cruel joke is being played on her as she stares at the curls of the cursive. It was the same font she had chosen for their makeshift wedding invitations the moment she realized that he was the one. Of course he would have had comic sans or some heavy metal font on his tombstone if he was given the chance just to spite everything and everyone.

She's sure that this was already made far before his death. In fact, she's convinced that everyone already has a grave with their name stored somewhere in the back for fast and easy access. Hers is probably waiting and collecting dust.

“Hi.” She utters, less formal than the first time and that felt like ages ago. “For the first time, I’m speechless.” She confesses. “I’m not quite sure what to say.”

For days she sat underneath her flickering desk light writing a speech for a funeral that no one would attend.

The words never came into place even though she deemed herself a thoughtful writer. But what do you say when the person who gave you a reason to speak is gone? Was there anything worth uttering when she couldn’t bring herself to do it?

But she wrote. She wrote everything she had felt and ended with a flood of pages on her desk. Pens with tired ink cartridges littered her desk and endless chicken scratched papers were tossed away. It needed to be thoughtful and inviting but in reality, it just needed to be the words she never said.

The moment she finished writing them, she threw them into a box to never see the light of day. But when she finally had the courage to come and pay her respects, she became drawn to them. Her mind fought with her hands to take them even if she decided to keep them in her purse.

Her purse opens and she takes out a few pages. The ones that made her heart ache the most and that are decorated with stains of dried tears. She clears her throat. “The first time I met you, I thought nothing of it. It was in front of the coffee maker at work, you had just joined our firm and you walked by, glanced at me and then you were gone into the other room. That was it. That's what we were meant to be. A simple meeting of the eyes and then we don’t interact again.”

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The coffee drips way too slow, she thinks. A state of the art facility full of lasers, guns and cars and they couldn’t be bothered to get something just slightly better. The mug finishes filling just in time for her patience to run out. She grabs it and turns to look out towards the rows of cubicles that make it seem like a simple office.

Instead of a bored coworker looking tired at a computer, she's met with green eyes and an emotionless face. For a second she saw his lips turn into a smirk. It's quick. A match striking the box with a flame igniting on impact. And then it’s dropped in water and out just as fast. He's gone by the time she blinks next and even though it was nothing, those eyes fueled a fire she wasn’t sure she had.

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“But then I kept seeing more and more of you.”

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“You clean up nice.” Blossom turned to see a guy. She recognized him from last week, a new transfer who she only caught a glance at. He was in a highly expensive tux and was adjusting the equally priced watch on his wrist.

“I assume you must be my new partner.” She said as she mentally analyzed him slowly. Slicked black hair, looks as if he goes to the gym quite often, hands looks steady for a firearm. Green. Forest green eyes.

He smiled. “Must be.”

“You can call me Amanda.” Her fake name suited her fine as she checked the time. “I hope that you read over the files of our mission.”

“I tend to skim and wing it.” He winked and that irked her. “Matts fine for the evening.”

Blossom, or Amanda for now, kept her eyes from rolling and walked to him and wrapped her arm around his. “You might be my husband for this mission but if you fuck up, you better be thankful this isn’t legally bounded.” She finished with a flutter of her eyelashes and a smile before pulling him along.

She didn’t get too far before he pulled her back and her bright pink eyes met deep green ones closely. “I take my job very seriously. But I wouldn’t dream of making you mad at me. But on the other hand, I admire strong women.”

She didn’t know why she didn’t smack him in the face. Usually every partner who has tried to flirt or mess with her learned the hard way that is a no no. Yet, even after moments of knowing him, there was something genuine about him that she couldn’t quite understand but became interested in.

“Glad to see we are on the same page Matt.”

“Of course Amanda.” Butch replied and held out his hand. “After you.”

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The trees nearby moved in the breeze without a care in the world. They had nothing to care for except for their leaves changing in the fall and losing them in the winter. But leaves always came back, they always blossomed and started a new life and were the same tree no matter how many times the seasons passed.

She wondered if those trees ever felt heartbreak or if it was easier to lose something when you know it will come back to you with time. She envied those trees. Envied the way that they can continue their lives just growing and flourishing and it felt like her leaves were turning to dust as she was being cut down.

From her purse she pulled out a thermos and two plastic cups. She nestled one into the ground as she poured the wine into the cup and then one into hers.

“I never cared for this brand of wine before I met you.” She smiled softly and took a sip. “Never cared for a lot of things. Yet this was your favorite and everytime we had a mission, I could always find you relaxing with a glass. I guess it became an acquired taste over time. You became my taste.”

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“Care for a glass?” He asked her as she sat in front of the fireplace.

Due to them working together for more than a year, the agency decided that personal rooms weren’t necessary and if anyone were to see them leave together and follow, it would fit with their stories.

Blossom looked up from the book she just pulled out. A dissatisfying glare focused on the bottle in his hand. “No thanks, that stuff is garbage.”

Butch, or well, Sebastian for the evening, scoffed. “Garbage?” He exclaimed dramatically. “This is some of the finest wine in the world.”

“I’ve had better.”

“It's from Italy!”

“I prefer local or even cheap box wine to that.” Blossom scanned her book.

Butch only huffed again but still proceeded to pour two glasses and joined her on the floor.

“I said I didn’t want any.”

“I think you just haven’t had it with the right company.” He smirked and offered her the glass.

She rolled her eyes and took the glass, her book forgotten now. Blossom brought the glass to her lips, took a sip and tried her best to hold back a grimace. “It's fine.”

He only shook his head and drank his own glass, the small smile on his lips never leaving. “Butch.”

She turned the glass in her hand then glanced at him. “What?”

“Butch. That's my name, my real name.”

Her heart started beating quicker. “Why are you telling me this? You shouldn’t be.”

It was a common understanding. You might know the face of your partner or colleagues but a name and identity was off the table. The only thing anyone needed to track down someone was a name. And the moment it's out there, you can start counting your days.

Butch shurgged and downed the rest of his wine. “Not sure. Never told anyone before. Well anyone who I didn't know beforehand. But there's something about you. I don’t think you fully trust me. I get it of course. I don’t trust people at all.”

“So why tell me?” She questioned.

His eyes met hers. Seriousness washed across his face and any hint of amusement was gone. “I have no one in my life who knows me as Butch anymore. Only myself and my thoughts. And after years in this shit business-you’re the only partner I’ve had that I trust with my life.”

Her fingers tighten around the stem of the glass. Her poor heart is beating much faster; she's sure he can hear it. She’s never had a partner like him. Never met a person who she blindly trusted like this.

“Blossom.” She blurts out. “My name is Blossom.”

And that smirk returns and his eyes soften. She's seen him kill a man before and yet he looks so incredibly soft and honest.

“That's a pretty unique name.”

“My father told me it was because of cherry blossom trees.” She smiles at the memory. She reaches and takes the brown contact from her eyes. Her main defying feature that no one but the higher ups knew about.

Her eyelashes flutter as she places them in the contacts case. She looks back at Butch and prepares for the intergation look.

It never comes.

Instead he's looking at her as if she's the most interesting thing in the world. Pastel pink eyes greet his own and he's taken back and tries to keep these emotions down.

“Its weird I know-

“You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever met.” He interrupts. “And I swear I’m not drunk.

That flicker resurfaced. The match struck the box but the flame was held much longer this time. Her reaction surprised the both of them as she laughed and her smile reached her eyes, something they haven’t done naturally in years.

She controlled her laugh and hummed bringing the glass to her lips and taking another sip. It wasn’t as bad as the first. “And you are very-”

“Charming? Irresistible?”

“Interesting.” She finished.

The bottle poured more wine into his glass and he tapped it to hers. “I’ll take it for now.” He winked.

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Her glass is empty now. She pours the glass for him into the soil, hoping to give him one last taste of what he loved.

“Over the years I forgot myself, you have to.” Blossom tells him. “I forgot my passions and hobbies. The simple pleasures of life were taken from me when I joined this path.”

The books on her shelf at home had collected dust over the years. The pages stuck as the days passed but only recently did she find herself opening them, even to just a random page and basking in the tiny shred of warmth it gave her.

“I felt those pleasures rise with you. Even buying a simple candle because you said you liked the scent brought me a joy I hadn’t noticed was missing. I was missing everything in life because I didn’t have a light to guide me.”

She bites her lips hoping to stop another sob. How many tears can a person shed in a short amount of time? When do they stop and allow the body to rest?

“That first time you kissed me.” Her voice cracks. “That's when I started believing that life could be more than what we were conditioned to do.”

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Her feet ached. Her heels were in her hands and she was tired from another successful work day. After six months of locating and sniffing out an underground drug market, they finally caught the group of men.

She glanced at her shoes and dress, irritated that the blood ruined another perfectly good outfit. She wanted to just get into her room, take a bath and pass out on her bed and to not be distrubed for at least seventy two hours.

She got to her hotel door and started to search for her key.

“Oh shit.” She grumbled. Her purse was nowhere in sight.

“Here.”

Blossom turned to see Butch holding the desginer bag.

A sigh of relief left her lips as she took it and fished out the key card. He leaned against the wall, clearly tired and wanting to rest like her. Two years they had been partners. The longest partnership she’s had and she wasn’t complaining. Usually they shared a room on missions but they had separate rooms this time.

“Tired?” She glanced at him.

“No, I'm fully awake.” He said sarcastically. “I feel like I got hit by a freight train.”

“I’m sure those guys thought they did too when you punched them.” Her door clicked open but she didn’t move.

“Oh please, you did most of the heavy lifting. I mean who takes down a giant dude with a high kick in heels.” He was practically beaming with pride from the memory. “Badass stuff Bloss.”

She was sure there was a blush on her cheeks. Shaking those thoughts from her head she smiled and opened the door. “Goodnight Butch.”

“Night.”

…

“Isn’t this the part where you walk into your room?” He raises a bow that is answering the silent question she asked.

She straightens her back. “Shouldn’t you be walking to yours?”

He moves closer to her. Brushing the hair on her shoulders off and there's a buzz throughout her as his fingers graze her shoulders.

He's closer now. Their lips only inches apart and although her body is killing her and aching, she can’t help but let her mind wander.

“I prefer the view right here.” He says in almost a whisper that makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand. “And possibly even the taste.”

His lips press against hers. They have kissed many times in front of people on missions but it's never been like this. Never a sign that everything she had been feeling, wanting could be hers for the taking.

It's not fast and heated. It's slow as if he's testing out the waters that he can glady swim in. It's a sign that they know they shouldn’t be doing this but for once, she's playing by a different set of rules.

They break apart. The kiss wasn’t very long but the sparks linger and scorch through her body. She's afraid to look at him now. Afraid that rejection and everything she had told herself not to want, can’t be hers. The ground should just swallow her whole now.

She feels a hand softly touch her cheek and she looks up at him. This look on his face, she can't describe it. She can see the gears turning in his head, wondering if this was a mistake just as she thought.

But rejection never comes. He doesn’t pull or push away.

Instead his lips turn slightly up. “I know we fight for the greater good, but I’m starting to think I have a different purpose.”

“What?” She questions.

“You.”

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She could have sworn it's only been a few minutes but the sky’s blue had morphed into a dusty pink. A wonderful sunset that she is surprised she can still find beauty in. She knows she’ll have to leave soon. She is afraid that when she does, she might not come back.

One of the final happy moments with him was weeks before his death. Five years they had known each other and it was all washed down the drain.

Her head turns towards the sky as she basks in the sunset. “I hope that wherever you are there are still skies like these.”

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Sunsets in Hawaii were much better in person than any photo could capture.

“Another successful mission.” Blossom giggles as she takes a sip of her mai tai. Her feet are swaying above the water and the breeze flows through her hair. She hasn’t remembered being this peaceful but she could get used to it.

“Yeah.” Butch says as he downs his drink.

Five years she's known him. Every action and mannerism he's done is burned in her memory. It's the most priceless information she has, the most important because it's all hers.

He seems calm, she admits. But something is on his mind. He's not thriving in the glory of another mission or running around crazy and jumping into the ocean like the days before. He seems to be in deep thought. Something she's not quite sure she likes.

The horizon catches her eyes. “The sky is pretty.” She adds.

“Runaway with me.”

The movement of the waves stops. The breeze halts and her eyes widen.

“What?” She turns towards him. “Runaway?”

He nods. “Runaway from this place and all its madness. We could get married, travel the world, anything you want.” He took her hand. “I don’t care where we go. I just want to be with you.”

“With me?” She's practically speechless.

Butch cracks a smile. “Only you. Imagine this.” He scoots closer to her and wraps his arm around her shoulder. “A house on private property, hell maybe even a beachfront. You have your own little library and I’ll even get you a nice espresso machine. A garden with all the flowers you could imagine and even a baby grand piano since I know how much you love to play.”

The images flood her mind. “That sounds lovely.”

“And you wanna know the best part?” He asks.

She nods her head. “Tell me.”

“I would get to wake up each morning with you in my arms.” He smirks and kisses her softly.

“That would be the best part.” She hums against his lips. Her stomach then drops. “But we can’t.”

“Three good reasons.”

She tried to think. How could she leave the agency she's been in since she was a kid? How could she throw everything away? These feelings she had were all muddled into a mess that she didn’t know how to get out of. That vision he told her sounded like a dream.

That's what this was. A dream. Something she wasn’t allowed to have. But she wanted it.

Butch sighed. “I guess it's easier for me cause I’m selfish.” He smiled softly at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Whatever choice you make, as long as I can still be by your side, is fine by me.”

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Blossom looks at the notes in her hands then back to the stone.

“I’m sorry Butch.” She cries and crumples them. Tears overwhelm her once again but she doesn’t wipe them or try to stop it. She is a dam that's been holding it all for too long. Holding her emotions for years and she was tired.

“Everyone told me to come here to get closure, but I don't want that. I want to feel the emptiness and shallowness. I want to cry myself to sleep and wish I could hold you again. It's torturous and cruel to think like that but it means that it was real. And that it was mine. This-” She beats her fingers against her chest, against her heart. “This is yours.”

“I am sorry Butch. I vowed to never let my heart act over my head. And that is something I regret deeply. You were right. You always have been. You wanted me without hesitation and I’m sorry I was guarded. But I swear when I was with you I wasn’t.”

The laughter and joy he brought her. She felt like she was breathing for the first time around him and even in the most serious situations there was still an element of peace.

“I had hoped that I would never have to say this. Never had to face this reality because it's too painful. I tried to deny it all, even though I watched it happen. Maybe if I had never let myself be charmed by you, I could avoid all these feelings but we both know that you were just so-’ She bites a laugh. “Irresistible.”

Her voice got louder as her sobs grew. “Every single moment was worth it. Your eyes and your smile. The way you knew what I was thinking even though no one else could ever know. I treated it like our job but the truth is, I wanted you to figure me out so I could finally tell myself it's okay to be happy. That's what you were Butch. My happiness.”

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This can’t be happening, she thought. Never in her entire career had she been kidnapped and captured. She was careful and guarded but they got the best of them this time.

The gag in her mouth was doing its job and her wrists were bound behind her back. The cold chill ran up her spine as she watched the men drag him in front of her. He was a few feet away and his face was covered in blood and bruises.

“Only one of you makes it out alive.” The man said.

She tried to pull against the restraints but felt the cool metal touch the back of her head.

“No moving sweetheart.” She heard behind her.

She watched as they removed Butch’s gag and he choked on the air before his hair was pulled and he was forced to look at her.

Those dark green eyes met with frightened brown but he knew that below the color was a brilliance of magenta that he adored.

He should be scared and terrified. And he was. But looking at her even in this state, he felt a sense of happiness wash over him. Everything he never thought he could have was right there in front of him.

Tears fell from her eyes as she watched the man stab him in the stomach. The knife plunged into his flesh and Butch let out a horrifc cry as she screamed into the gag.

“Dying words buddy?” The man laughed as he pulled out a gun and held it up to head.

Even through the pain shooting through his body, he looked at her with tears in his eyes.

His lips turned into a smile, even with blood coating his teeth. “Blossom-” He coughed.

No.

Please No!

She wanted to scream and tell him that she takes it all back. She wanted her dress and the ring. She wanted their own house and a piano where she could play for him.

Everything. She wanted everything.

She wanted him.

“I love you.” He says.

BAM!

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Her breath catches in her throat as she sees it. The blood and the life leaving his eyes. It replays and she tries to stop the memory.

“Could you ever forgive me?” She sobs. “Forgive me for not telling you?”

Her hand presses against the gravestone. She's not sure what she's hoping for but it's cold.

“You said it moments before your death and I couldn’t even let you die with that. Yet through that you smiled at me. You fucking smiled as death was taking you faster than I could realize because you knew. I couldn’t say it. No matter how much I wanted to tell you, I was afraid that the moment I did, this would happen. I wasn’t prepared to lose you. I wasn’t ready to face a life where I would spend every waking moment wondering if waking up next to you was truly real or a dream.”

Anger rises in her. Anger at the world and the men who killed him. Angry at the agency who turned the other eye when he died. There was nothing for her there anymore. She realized it way too late that she was robbed of everything from this life. Robbed of having him because she was afraid.

“I don't get it. How did you make me want that so bad? How you took my heart and made it beat faster than ever before. You told me to be selfish so here it is. I want you. I want you back and alive so that I can go and buy that white dress. I want everything you said.”

The anger bubbling shifts. It lingers but she takes a deep breath. It won’t help her to be angry or to bring him back. That sorrow takes its hold over her again. It's sad but calming as she tries to reason with herself that he is gone. She knows closure won’t come but she's okay with that.

“But that's not the reality anymore. I can’t change the past but I won’t change the future either. I am deeply and madly in love with you Butch. You gave me a glimpse of what a normal and fulfilling life could be and I thank you for that. Thank you for giving me slices of happiness and making me feel like I was worth loving.”

She reaches into her purse one last time and pulls out a letter and a box. “I resigned and I bought myself a ring.” She opens it and slips on the silver band with a small opal. “It's silly I know, not even a wedding ring. I hope you don’t mind. I stole one of the gems from your watch to make it.” She cries.

“They took all your stuff you know.” Her hands quiver as she stares at her ring. “They took every part of you like it was nothing, like you didn’t exist at all. The watch was all I could get.”

The sun is now setting and the breeze picks up. She's not cold anymore, and can't feel anything.

“They’ll kill me, I'm sure of it. That's what happens when you leave. And when they do, I better see you on the other side. A place where we can watch the sunset and have our little home. A place where this emptiness inside me can be whole again. I just want a place where I can love you.”

The glasses and letters go back into her purse. The flowers lay with her ribbon at the base as she stands and dusts off her dress.

She finally wipes her tears and forces a wonderful soft smile. “You were the most charming and wonderful man I have ever had the honor of working with. But most importantly, you were proof that dreams could come true.”

She touches the stone one last time. Feels the coolness but it's not as frightening. She's not afraid anymore. Blossom takes a step back and her eyes dance over his name one last time. She slips on her heels and grabs her purse.

“Goodbye my love.” She says and makes her way across the grass to the black gate.

✼　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　✼

I hope you enjoyed!

#blossutch #blossom x butch #ppg fic #angst #blossutch fic #thewritingstar

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mojoflower · 7 years ago

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‘Involuntarily Invisible’ Fic Rec List - various fandoms

and with thy lips dispell this curse by paranoid_fridge The Hobbit, Bagginshield, no rating, 10k

In a word where neither the One Ring nor the Arkenstone exists and all survive the battle, Bilbo encounters a strange, magical creature while helping to evacuate Dale for the coming winter. He thinks nothing of it initially – but then he watches his own arm pass through solid wood and sees Thorin’s eyes widen in fear and call for him.

“I’m right here.” Bilbo wants to say, but cannot make a sound.

Not when he has been cursed to disappear.

Wow, turning invisible involuntarily is some scary stuff...

Invisible Man by shinkonokokoro Merlin, Merthur, Teen, 25k.

"You are capable of more?" "More? Your majesty?" "More types of spells. More brain cells as well?" "Yes," he hissed. "Protect yourself." "What?" "Carl, shoot him."

Getting captured by Uther doesn't quite have the results Merlin expect

Lovely story. Modern royalty au, if you will, where, instead of executing Merlin, Uther makes him play invisible bodyguard, with a lot of emphaisis on "You no longer exist." Merlin is terribly amiable, which is funny, and doesn't actually manage to keep his mouth shut when he bodyguards. Arthur creatively names him Voice.

In Visibility by cat_77 Avengers, Clint Barton, Teen, 14k.

He was used to slinking in shadows, hidden from sight. This was just ridiculous, really.

In Plain Sight by oldenuf2nb Harry Potter, Drarry, Mature, 38k.

Draco Malfoy had stopped believing his wishes would be granted long ago. He could perhaps be forgiven for being startled, then, when one of them came true.

Lovely: the Board decides to do away with the Slytherin House and Hogwarts fights back. Meanwhile, Pansy is terribly injured by a curse and that makes Draco the last Slytherin standing. "He's the last," the voice tells Harry. "There isn't much time." Draco starts by using a disillusionment Charm, but it quickly becomes involuntary invisibility. But Harry's watching, and doesn't want him to disappear entirely. UST, although it isn't sex-heavy at all. There are some shining bits, however, like this bit, after Draco's injured and somewhat stoned: ******** “And that mouth…” he exhaled slowly. “Such a pretty mouth, Potter. Such a pretty, pretty mouth. Makes a man want to grab handfuls of your horrible hair and kiss that pretty, pretty mouth until it’s all soft and puffy and swollen.” Malfoy abruptly released the hold on Harry’s jumper and smoothed the bunched fabric with his hand. “I mussed you,” he noted, his eyes drifting closed and the smile returning to pull at his lips. “I mussed Potter. Although, Potter is usually mussed.”

Harry was frozen in place, staring at Malfoy’s face, his heart racing. /What the hell had that been?/ he thought, finally pulling back. Malfoy must be heavily drugged. It was the only explanation for what had just happened.

In Time of Trial by Merlin, Merthur, Mature, 37k.

Uther fears his son's power, and Merlin has helped Arthur flee to escape imprisonment. Now the two of them must fight to regain Arthur's rightful place in Camelot.

Wow, what a fantastic story. 36k words never went so fast. This is the one where Uther's old friend Aelfric comes to visit and slowly drips poison into his ear until he's convinced that Arthur is going to try to depose him and take the crown. When he orders Arthur to be taken to the dungeons as a traitor (and killed on the spot if he struggles), Merlin races ahead of the guards to rescue Arthur. (Luckily, he's been practicing a spell that makes things invisible. Unluckily, he has to spring it on Arthur with no warning at all and convince him to be silent and still while the guards search his room around them.) And thus is magic revealed.

The pair go on the run, and eventually settle near Tintagel, where all the Druids live, and begin preparations to fight back. Arthur allows himself to act on his attraction to Merlin (I'd rate this an M), perhaps because now that he sees that Merlin is a powerful warlock, he sees them as being equals. Also, there's no doubt of Merlin's loyalty, considering how they got out of Camelot.

This isn’t focused on the involutarily invisible aspect, but it does deserve a mention.

Merlin's Moving Castle by KrisEleven Merlin, Merthur, Gen, 49k.

As a result of some very unfortunate decisions, Arthur Pendragon, king of Camelot, is cursed by Morgana (also known as the Witch of the Wastes) and becomes fully invisible to anyone who doesn’t possess magic. Forced to abandon his kingdom, he begins his quest for a remedy to his unfortunate condition and comes across the quite charming - and even more annoying - Merlin who may be the only one able to save Albion, if only Arthur can convince him to try.

What an amazing story. I kind of expected a rehash of the Howl's Moving Castle plot (which would have been fine, as I adore the story), but instead the author used only pieces of it and built something entirely new and totally belonging to Merlin and Arthur and their world from the show. There was a surprising amount of action (Merlin first meets Arthur during a fight and flight) and it culminates in an enormous battle. But in between, it's Arthur, learning to be patient and getting to know some new people... learning about the world through their eyes. It's just beautiful.

Unseen by astolat Harry Potter, Drarry, M, 11k. Not so much involuntarily invisible as voluntary and fucked up, but damn it’s fucking gorgeous.

When he wasn’t wearing it, he got jumpy, always waiting for someone to come at him wanting something—and now they did it even more urgently, if they ever saw him, because most of the time, nobody did.

What it says on the tin, really. Draco is the only one who notices that Harry has turned himself into a ghost and is "haunting them all before his death". He carefully takes the Cloak, just for 24 hours, challenging Harry to see if he can do without it. Of course, Harry's never heard a challenge from Draco that he hasn't immediately and fiercely accepted. But it's HARD. As Draco, in a weird combination of rude and kind, coaxes him through the week, Harry learns to be seen again, is shown how to protect himself, and finds himself falling for Draco.

we are tangled by drunktuesdays Teen Wolf, Sterek, T, 6k.

"Derek was at your house?" "For like ten seconds," Stiles said. "I'd say it was weird, but is anything about Derek ever not weird?"

invisible!derek!!!

Invisible by chappysmom Sherlock,Johnlock, Gen, 86k.

John had had the knack for as long as he could remember.

It wasn’t that he could become invisible, exactly. The laws of physics worked quite well in his vicinity, thank you very much. It was just that people tended … not to see him.

Not involuntary, but my first invisible fanfic, and I adore it.

Who said that? by coconutcranberries (orphan_account) Teen Wolf, Sterek, Unrated, 33k.

Stiles has a very unique superpower, in that he doesn't exist. He's invisible, untouchable, unhearable-is that a word?-and just not there. He feels like a ghost most of the time, although he can't walk through walls (he tried, the wall took offense and his nose paid the price) and he can still trip over his own feet. He blends perfectly into the background and no matter how hard he tries, nobody knows he's there.

It's a lonely life, he's not gonna lie.

But suddenly something changes. Stiles is part of a group project which includes probably the most explosive combination of people in his class. These people don't notice when he waves a hand right in front of their face-how could they when he doesn't exist? The possibilities are endless.

Oh, this is going to be so much fun.

Such an interesting idea: Stiles' power is to make himself not exist... AT ALL. So from the time he's 8, he's vanished from everyone's awareness, all records deleted, everything. Only his dad can see him (and even that is periodically unreliable). But then suddenly, Derek sees him one day, which starts a chain of events that leads to him feeling hopeful once again about being able to interact with the world. It's kind of tragic, I mean, think of the loneliness, the skin hunger, the sense of abandonment involved in being non-existent for 8 years. But it eventually works out.

I have not read these yet, so read at your own risk:

The Invisible Man by Faith Wood (faithwood) Harry Potter, Drarry, E, 10k

Sometimes unforeseen side effects aren't the worst thing that can happen to a person.

The Invisible Iron Man by AnonEhouse Avengers, Tony Stark, Teen, 24k. Due to a lab accident Tony becomes an Eccentric Billionaire Hermit Philanthropist in Iron Man 2, joins the Avengers and becomes good friends with Steve without ever meeting him face to face.

we can go wherever we please by stitchy Sherlock, Johnlock, Teen, 13k.

John is invalided home from Afghanistan, but instead of developing a limp- he becomes invisible.

"You can see me?” “I see everything,” he claims.

To Walk in his Shoes by SassyFanGirl Merlin, Merthur, Teen, 5k.

When a magical enemy of Merlin's decides it's high time Arthur found out about Merlin's magic, he sets a spell forcing Arthur to be bound to Merlin. There was a catch though, Merlin couldn't see him. So Arthur is forced to be Merlin's shadow for a day. He never expected to see this though. The magic was a surprise... But this? Can Arthur get himself visible in time?

Whisper by ace (alia_castiella) Teen Wolf, Sterek, Gen, 2k.

Stiles yawned and crawled out of bed, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. They felt strangely gritty for some reason. It was then that he remembered the odd blue cloud. He trudged toward the bathroom and opened the door, expecting to see his reflection covered in sparkly powder. Instead, he saw... nothing.

(Or, Stiles is invisible because pixies are freaking annoying.)

He That Rides Unseen by Vulgarweed The Hobbit, Bagginshield, Explicit, 6k. Not involuntary:

There is much more to Bilbo than meets the eye – especially on those occasions when none of him does. Thorin has faced down his fears on so many truly dangerous occasions, he will not shrink from the mere uncanniness of being seduced by someone he can't see. A fandom-specific kink: sex with the Ring on.

#involuntarily invisible fic recs #invisible merlin fic rec #invisible draco fic rec #invisible derek fic rec #vicioushyperbolizer #cam-oak-corg #omg y'all #I just spent AN HOUR on this #I hope you appreciate it

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madfermusic · 7 years ago

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Why I Fucking Love The Libertines Masterpost

Hey ho, this will be a kind of introduction post mostly aimed at people who are interested in The Libertines and the fandom but of course it’s also helpful for the ‘old’ hard-core fans. It’s also a super selfish post as I now have all the important stuff on one page and can come back here for reference. But well, you can use it as well and I might even get people to love The Libs through this post which would be super awesome cause they are amazing. And this post will of course be also very subjective when it comes to shipping, opinions on band members and songs and that stuff. I won’t list facts about the band here that you can easily read on Wikipedia or other sites dedicated to the history of the band, I’ll add other stuff here that is good to know but probably not serious enough for a site different than Tumblr *sigh*.

I’ll start off with the music – cause it’s kind of the most important thing. I guess with life in the fandom, meeting new friends, fangirling and that stuff we sometimes forget about the music. Not in the sense that we don’t listen to it anymore and only indulge in writing fanfics and having discussions with other fans, but in the sense that we forget that it was the music that brought us here in the first place. And you simply can’t be a part of a band fandom if you don’t like/know the music. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. You just can’t have the dessert before the main course. So let’s get started:

Up The Bracket

Released 2002

Punkish garage rock style with kind of rough and absolutely banging tunes

Really hard to choose favourites but I’ll do it anyway:

Death On The Stairs: This song isn’t only a favourite of The Libs themselves but also of mine. I might even go as far as calling it my favourite Libs song of all. This melody is pure heaven as it is so simple yet so genius and seeing as it’s about Carl’s depressive phases which I can deeply identify with this song just stuck with me. Apart from that I can’t really explain what for me personally makes this song superior to other Libs songs though. “So baby please kill me/ oh baby don't kill me/ but don't bring that ghost 'round to my door/ I don't wanna see him anymore/ please kill me/ oh baby don't kill me/ just don't bang on about yesterday/ you know, I wouldn't know about that anyway”

Horrorshow: This song is absolutely wild. It’s a loose-your-voice kind of song that makes you jump up and down when hearing it – especially live – and you will be crushed by other fans when they play it on a gig…the people just go mad. ”She said ‘I'll show you a picture/ a picture of tomorrow/ there's nothing changing/ it's all sorrow’/ oh no please don't show me/ I'm a swine, you don't wanna know me”

Time For Heroes: What fascinates me most about this song is that it has no refrain. Most songs live off their refrain, many people know nothing of a song but the refrain. And this song manages to go completely without it and still be stuck in your head. Plus the lyrics are genius: “It’s these ignorant faces that bring this town down/ yeah I sighed and sunken with pride/ you know I passed myself down on my knees” “And we'll die in the class we were born/ but that's a class of our own my love”

The Good Old Days: A classic. I don’t know what to say about it to be honest. It’s about living in the here and now, it’s about the good times in The Libertines. The lyrics are grand, especially the last line I chose has become a kind of motto of both the band and the fans as well. Also make sure to listen to an acoustic version in which Pete adds a little line and try to catch it ;) “But if you've lost your faith in love and music the end won’t be long/ because if it’s gone for you then I too may lose it and that would be wrong/ I tried so hard to keep myself from falling/ back into my bad old ways/ and it chars my heart to always hear you calling/ calling for the good old days/ cos there were no good old days/ these are the good old days” “The Arcadian dream has fallen through/ but the Albion sails on course”

I Get Along: This is Carl’s “Fuck ‘Em” anthem (literally, as this is a line in the song hehe) that is going to entrain you every time you hear it. You’ll want to smash peoples’ faces in a pacifistic way when listening to it. Played live this song is awesome. Also Carl’s voice oozes pure sex, you will melt. “People tell me I'm wrong/ fuck 'em“

This album is surely affected by Pete and Carl’s living situation, struggle to gain money, self-doubt, but most importantly by their shared dreams and them trying to make them come true.

The Libertines

Released 2004

Indie rock, less rough with some very soft songs on it

Again I’ll choose 5 favourites to make it fair:

Can’t Stand Me Now: This is actually really heart-breaking as it is obviously about Pete and Carl and them not getting along very well because of Pete’s drug use. Also one of the songs that make you go “…they are so gay for each other” but more of that later on in this post. “No, you've got it the wrong way round / you shut me up, and blamed it on the brown/ cornered the boy kicked out at the world/ the world kicked back a lot fuckin' harder now” ^ also about this line: I always thought it was “…and blamed it on the brown, cornered the boy, kicked out at the world” like that there should be a comma after “boy” cause I think it would make more sense. The narrator (Pete) is still talking to the person who “shut him up” (Carl), or is he not? When people post this line “cornered the boy kicked out at the world, the world kicked back a lot fucking harder now” it always sounds as if they think the boy kicked at the world while I think that the person the narrator addresses first cornered the boy and afterwards kicked out at the world… Just wanted to get this out of my system at this has been nagging at me for a long time now.

Music When The Lights Go Out: The first softy song on the album and super sad and beautiful. Pete sings it in such an angelic voice. Can’t say much more to it – just listen. (It’s super hard to choose the fave lyrics from this song as it is perfect from head to toe.) “Is it cruel or kind not to speak my mind/ and to lie to you, rather than hurt you?/ well I'll confess all of my sins/ after several large gins/ but still I'll hide from you/ hide what's inside from you.”

The Ha Ha Wall: I have no idea if other fans even like this song? But I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! The rhythm and little guitar melody make me want to dance, it always cheers me up and gives me energy. Also only the Libs can pull it off to put a kind of Asian sounding middle part into such a song and make it sound super fucking good. “If you get tired of hanging around/ pick up a guitar and spin a web of sound” “It's been a long war and we’re tired and dirty/ still not dirty enough for you”

Campaign Of Hate: Also making me want to dance and feel more energetic instantly. It’s also critical of society so what more do you want? “Now remember why you came/ not to play follow the leader, no no/ poor kids dressing like they're rich (Mods!)/ rich kids dressing like they're poor (oh my god!)/ white kids talking like they're black” “Oh don't believe them when they say/ that you don't get nothing for free/ it's all for free”

What Katie Did: This is the song that made me fall in love with The Libs so obviously it’s super important. When I got diagnosed with depression I joined a forum for people suffering from it to find people who feel the same. There was a thread about music and what music helps you to feel better and a guy posted a video of Pete singing this song live. I really loved it and in the comments I read that in the original version a guy named Carl would be on vocals and so I listened to the original version to compare and what can I say? I fell in love with it as well, listened to more songs and simply fell in love with The Libs. I then read their Wikipedia article and was a bit confused as all of that kind of rang a bell. And then I suddenly remembered that I had read that whole article already as I had discovered them a while back already. I had listened to Don’t Look Back Into The Sun then and hated it… I was stupid when I was younger… “What you gonna do Katie?/ you're a sweet, sweet girl/ but it's a cruel, cruel world/ a cruel, cruel world/ safety pins are none too strong Katie/ they hold my life together”

This album is marked by the problems within the band caused by Pete’s drug use and I bet a whole lot of miscommunication. Sad, even if we got great music out of it.

Anthems For Doomed Youth

Released 2015

Still indie rock but different from the second album again? God what am I even doing here, I don’t know shit

5 favourites:

Gunga Din: This is the first song they released after so many years of nothing and I don’t just love it because of that fact but also because it has a catching rhythm and lyrics that make me go “THAT’S ME!”. And the melody is great too. So. Perfect. “Woke up again to my chagrin/ I’m getting sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again/ I tried to write, because I got the right/ to make it look as if I'm doing something with my life”

You’re My Waterloo: This is a classic, maybe even THE LIBERTINES SONG that they decided to record again. I have to admit I’m not really a fan of that new version, make sure to check out the old version that has been on the internet for ages. It has a kind of rougher, low-quality-honesty going for it whereas the new version is more clean cut and I’m also not really into the piano. I Don’t know, I bet many fans will disagree with me on that one but well, as I said: subjective. “You're my Waterloo/ I'll be your Calvary/ I'm so glad we know just what to do/ and everyone's gonna be happy/ everyone's gonna be happy/ everyone's gonna be happy/ but of course”

Heart Of The Matter: This is THE SONG of the album. Everyone will agree with me on that one. Don’t just listen to this song, watch the music video. It’s going to break your heart but you will be happy about it. I’m so proud of my boys for what they did with this song, it is brutally honest and I’m still super angry that they didn’t get the NME award for best music video in 2016 for it, they deserved it most. (but we were voted best fan base so let’s just have that *grin*) “With all the battering it's taken/ I'm surprised it's still ticking” “So hold a light to my misery/ but don't send it up in flames/ it's only I who takes the blame/ but try me anyway”

Glasgow Coma Scale Blues: This is a really cool track with a rock attitude and meaningful lyrics. Not much else to say. “And I see me, oh you won't even see me/ yeah I see you, in fact I'm looking straight through you” “The only thing that kept us apart/ was your cold unloving heart” “What happened to the joy in the hearts of the boys/ at the start of the part of the scene?/ they were part of the seams/ a dream shared and pulled apart/ one dream broken by two Libertines”

Dead For Love: This song is really artsy if you allow me this word. It’s got a mystic and echoing background sound and dark lyrics as well as a poem that gets recited at the end. I still haven’t worked out how it goes though, I’m not a native speaker and it’s not very clear. Anyway it’s super beautiful. “And everything he ever did/ he only ever did for love/ everything he ever said/ he only ever said for love/ and now, now he lies dead/ he's dead for love/ his mind's at ease, he sleeps in peace” “A guy like this needs to be sure/ no one was there when the devil rode out before”

All in all this album reprocesses the split up of the band many years ago. It’s a strong subject in many of the songs and you can see that there still isn’t everything said yet. Well, they’ll work this out, I’m sure.

Now there are other songs you must know that aren’t on the albums but just on b-sides or that just got published on the internet. These include:

Albion: Later recorded in the studio and published on an album of Pete’s band Babyshambles this song got famous through the Babyshambles Sessions that I’ll add underneath these few songs. “Talk over/ gin in teacups/ and leaves on the lawn/ violence in bus stops/ and the pale thin girl with eyes forlorn” “I'll be waiting in the photo booth/ at the underground station/ so come away, won't you come away/ we could go to/ Deptford, Catford, Watford, Digberth, Mansfield/ anywhere in Albion”

What A Waster: “There's tears coming out from everywhere/ the city's hard, the city's fair” “When she wakes up in the morning/ she writes down all her dreams” “Meanwhile from under the covers she says/ save me from tomorrow, save me from tomorrow”

The Delaney: “On the bus the other day/ you could tell right from the start/ there's magic in all that you play/ but oh, can you play guitar boy/ can you play guitar?” “Some people run from trouble, some people meet it half way/ others are glad to pay their cab fare over/ and superficially you enjoy the company that you loathe to bear”

Don’t Look Back Into The Sun: Ho boy, Carl really knows what to do with his guitar (and I don’t mean putting his cigarette between the strings when he has to play instead of smoke when onstage), these little melodies he always thinks of are so amazing, I could cry. “Oh, my friend you haven't changed/ you're looking rough and living strange/ and I know you got a taste for it too” “Don't look back into the sun/ you've cast your plans but you're on the run/ and all the lies you said, who did you save?/ but when they played that song at the Death Disco/ it started fast but it ends so slow/ and all the time it reminded me of you”

Cyclops: I love the feeling of this song as well as the lyrics and I especially love how Pete and Carl sing the last line together (awwww). “What you try to do to me?/ it seems to come so naturally/ how you annoy me/ how you destroy me” “Wow, money's the church/ fame is the steeple/ everyone on the telly indoctrinate the people” “What you tryna do to me?/ what you tryna do to me?/ you make me happy”

Bucket Shop: “Well someone said you were an angel/ only what kind of angel/ would whisper 'hello'/ and shout 'goodbye'”

General Smuts: “Well life is short/ we spend all our time/ just fucking and fighting my friend/ well a soul can't be bought” “Well I've been stuck in a hole/ and it's dark down here/ every time I've thought I've seen the light/ well it just fades and disappears”

Skint And Minted: “No one got it right, no one got it wrong/ live outside your head, live inside a song/ oh love those long lost weekdays spilling over me/ and your outlines are all I can see”

Hooray For The 21st Century: “Every sweet little lie ever whispered to you now rings true/ no need to wake the sleeping dogs when they'll just turn on you/ I'll make my way instead to the foots of your ivory tower/ but no love do I find there amongst the leaves and the dying flowers” “What became of the working class/ Nike, Reebok, Adidas/ scratch cards, pittbulls, ecstasy/ hooray for the 21st Century”

Seven Deadly Sins : There are again two versions, the new recorded one is as a bonus on the third album, I like both versions, you should try out both. “Pride, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath and envy/ its all in a hard days work for me” “Hand me my gun/ my friend we'll have some fun/ shoot down the spies in the trees/ and kick up the leaves/ in the morning breeze/ pay no mind”

Babyshambles sessions: 1 2 3

So then let’s get to the members! I’m not going to list their biographies here, you can easily google that yourself if you’re interested. So I’ll describe their personalities a bit and show you pics, cause that is more fun anyway.

Carl Barât:

1) Carl is smol and tiny.

2) Carl is a meme. I mean it. He is a total dork, cute, funny, awkward and most importantly super embarrassing. He makes me cringe regularly and you will feel the same.

3) I mean it kind of belongs to “Carl is embarrassing” but I think it deserves its own section: Carl is a bad bad Twitter whore.

4) Carl is super damn hot. Like ho boy I can’t breathe because of his beauty sometimes.

5) Carl is emo…

Sorry for not being more serious but you can’t always be. Carl has had a history with depression and nagging thoughts. There are also rumours he self harmed when younger. A fan said she talked with him about it and that he used to hide the scars with the bandanas he wears but that he actually wears them nowadays because he likes the look. I don’t want to sell it as a fact though as I never heard him admit this himself.

6) Carl only eats bananas.

7) Carl has tiny nipples.

I’m afraid this’ll look as if I don’t cherish Carl much but the opposite is the truth. I love this fella so much and I would die to meet him one day, even more than I would to meet Pete. I think we’d have more in common and I’d love to give him a big hug. Also I want to marry him. Fuck Edie and Pete. He’s mine.

Pete Doherty: 1) Pete manages to be super tall and super smol at the same time.

2) Pete is also embarrassing sometimes.

3) Pete is extra™.

4) Pete is beautiful.

5) Pete likes to walk around with his fly open.

Gary Powell: 1) Gary is an uncomplicated and good natured soul.

2) Gary is a bit crazy. The good kind.

John Hassall: 1) John rarely smiles.

2) But when he does ho boy.

3) If you hadn’t realised: he is beautiful.

4) John is done with Pete’s and Carl’s shit.

Which brings us to what you all waited for. I thought about naming this section “Conspiracy Theories” but it hardly is one, it is more like an official secret: Pete’s and Carl’s relationship:

Like in fandoms for TV shows, in this fandom (gay) shipping is really common. You just HAVE to believe in the (totally sexual!) romance between Pete and Carl. They always talk(ed) about there being a romance, a love between them themselves, here a few examples:

“I know of people who’ll love me when I’m dead, they won’t call me those things then. It won’t matter, they’ll say ‘he was unhappy and he’s better off’. They’ll say ‘I knew him and I spent time with him’. They’re lying. There’s only one man who knows me, who spent time with me, and he doesn’t now. One man I love in this world. One man I respect. He cripples me now.” - Peter speaking about Carl, Babyshambles.com, 2004

“I do love Peter so dearly. The thing about Peter, is that, ever since I first met him, he had this innate ability to just charm someone…Like to me he’d say: ‘I love you, you’re working class, but with a violent heart and a poetic temperament’. And I’d go, ‘wow, yeah, you really know me!’…But just that ability to sort of surmise people…and he’d do that…But um, where was I going with this? ….Just he’ll think of the tiny details that only a poet thinks of. He used to phone me up when he was miserable, when we were having one of our dramas. ‘Whatever. Ok, Pete, it’s fine. Where are you?’ And he’d go ‘In the rain!’ So endearing and so beautiful…The thing about Peter and I is that we’re both very old, very kindred souls. And for whatever we talk about, that’s kind of circumstantial. It’s like anything can happen. We could do anything. Individually, together, apart, to each other. But a conversation after six months, it’s the same thing. It’s euphoric…it’s…you know. I love Peter and …I think Peter loves me. A lot of times we don’t like each other, but the underlying thing is that love.” – Carl Barat, There Are No Innocent Bystanders

“Boys like physical contact. If you enjoy physical companionship, romance, something tender, you just want it to be true. That’s Libertine-ism: no barriers, no borders, no fakers, no forgers. Pleasure is pleasure.” – Peter Doherty, Attitude Magazine, 2002

“My heart melts that…[you] ask me about soulmates. Because you’re right, you know. It’s a beautiful thing that we should all believe in…Yeah, I missed my friend so much. I still don’t think we spend enough time together. And he’s my soulmate and I love him and that’s the truth…Something so pure and beautiful and true…They’re going to say a soulmate is a myth…[but] when they experience a soulmate then that’s what destroys the myth.” – Peter Doherty on Carl Barat, Vice Magazine 2015

“His story with Carl was not finished of course. Pete: Ah, it is not…but it will never end. Everyone has someone in their life whom they love, but in some way or another, the relationship was abandoned by one of them, or by both of them. You become strangers and you realize that the person you love most in the world, you do not know them anymore. Carl: We never separated…we separated, then we flirted a bit, and in 2010 we got back together, but we did not realize it. We were very uncertain about each other’s feelings. We only communicated through the press, granting interviews knowing that the other person would read them. I knew that I had to go see Peter, the friend that I love and that I missed, to know if this friend, and this friendship, still existed. It was terrifying, but I have been able to see things as they were, in all their beauty. My dear old friend, and my brother, with whom I grew up with in such an intense way. Pete: I feel even closer to him than I did before…there is no one else who I connect with at this level. (With) Carl, I know that there are things that no one else can give. It’s strange, but he really knows me. I forgot that there was someone else on this planet who could understand me in this way, it is mysterious, but it is comforting and beautiful, and I’d never really realized it before. Peter gives us a book to give Carl, writing a dedication on the page. It is “The Last Englishman”, the autobiography of AD Wintle. Carl: On my part, there is nothing to forgive I think. I love him so much, he is like a brother, these are unconditional feelings. Carl takes his mug into the adjacent album store, where with a stroke of luck, he immediately lands on an ideal gift to give back to Peter. It is the soundtrack to “Is Paris Burning?”, which Carl duly dedicates. “Perfect!” he says.” – Peter and Carl’s separate interviews in Rock and Folk, October 2014.

“Do you want Peter to come back, to be honest? Carl: I do, of course I do (bursts into tears). Peter is the only person who I could trust for so long. I cannot express my feelings by words like ‘lonely’ or ‘left behind’. It’s like something was suddenly scooped out from the inside of me….To tell you the truth, I have a twin brother who died when I was a child. And Peter would say to me, 'Even if no one stays with you in the future, I will never leave you, because I am the reincarnation of your lost twin brother.’ I still believe what he said then. And I believe that he will come back to me, no matter how long it will take.” – Carl Barat, Rockin'on, September 2004

“I’m scared to share a microphone with him now because people say it’s a gimmick. Sometimes I do rush over [to the mic], but that’s only because after you have had a few drinks and smoked a certain amount you get that really nice smell on your breath. You know, like when your lover has got that winey, smoky taste. Not that Carl’s my lover…I’d rather toss off a frog.” – Peter Doherty, Time Out Magazine, August 2015

(source)

“For me and Pete, it wasn’t too different from falling in love.” - Carl for The Mail on Sunday, 2008

“There have been moments in our relationship where physicality has ensued. I’ll leave it there. I wouldn’t like to say.” - Carl for Attitude Magazine, 2011

(source)

They always denied that their relationship was sexual or even romantic in a coupl-y sense though…Anyway, probably good to know (or not, I don’t know) is that the ship name is Pearl.

Another indicator for their relationship is the lyrics in their songs. You can make up a lot of course and take some of the lines for what they are not BUT there are some lyrics that are evidentially about each other. The best example is You’re My Waterloo:

“So just say you love me/ for three good reasons”

and

“And you're the only lover I had/ who ever slept with a knife”

are the most obvious lines here. Sung by Peter, this song is definitely about Carl as stated by Carl himself:

“Carl: I actually used to sleep with a knife [in reference to the lyrics: “You’re the only lover I’ve had / Who slept with a knife”] Peter: Yeah, what’s strange is that he actually used to sleep with a knife.” – Les In Rocks, September 2015

The word “lover” and the official music video let it appear as a love song even if especially Carl says it is about friendship. (You directed this video yourself you weirdo! You didn’t have to include a kiss scene if it is just friendship???)

Another song that is sung by both of them at each other, even if it is about the problems in their relationship and them being mad at each other, is Can’t Stand Me Now:

“I know you lie, I know you lie/I'm still in love with you”

I could literally quote the entire song for you to understand their problematic relationship (a save place for this is always genius.com, there you have the lyrics explained very well) but this one line is enough to focus on the romantic aspect. “Being in love” usually means to have a romantic interest in someone else, not platonic.

I’m pretty lazy with looking for other song references now as this post is taking me ages as it is already, here have another two posts on that topic, about songs they wrote about each other both before and after the band broke up, provided by the lovely @missoneminute (who is one of two Tumblr Libertines blogs I can highly recommend. That sounds as if all the others were crap, which they aren’t, but if you are looking for long-term fans with profound knowledge on the fandom, who post regularly, @missoneminute and @albion-sails-on-course are THE two blogs for you).

Here you have some videos to watch that show how absolutely gay those two appear around one another. It’s one thing for them to deny any sexual relationship between them, but they can’t tell us they look ‘no homo’ on stage.

NME Awards with Pete and Carl reciting a poem together Don’t Look Back Into The Sun Glastonbury 2015 (especially 4:20 is super gay) You’re My Waterloo at Ally Pally Buffalo at 6:20 Backstage NME Awards Chas’n’Dave The Bismarck Joke Vertigo Glastonbury (1:18) I Need My Biggles Sadie Frost Gig at their home (Guerilla gigs) Pete and Carl 2001-2002 Pete and Carl 2003-2005 Pete and Carl 2014 Dry Humping Gobble Gobble Gobble

@missoneminute ‘s friend made body analysis posts for her for certain Pete and Carl moments, they are super interesting and gay and you can find them all here.

And these are some stories/excerpts from interviews that sound pretty gay/they-have-feelings-for-each-other-y:

The tea story - Carl having a jealous fit and interrupting Peter’s make out session with his girlfriend by angrily making tea and cursing.

The door slam - When Carl turned up to see Peter after ages apart and drunkenly brought Anthony with him so Peter slammed the door in their faces in a jealous rage.

The top to tail - When they shared a single mattress and one morning Peter claims Carl woke with Peter’s “massive boner in his face” and “couldn’t stop talking about it”.

The vertical smile - Peter rather graphically describing staring at Carl’s bare ass while they were both shagging girls in a loo: “An encounter where he and fellow band member Carl Barat had sex with two fans in a disabled toilet after a gig on their 2003 Scandinavian tour was typical. “We met a right old punk who took me and Carl under his wings and took us to the sleaziest club, a proper rock ‘n’ roll dive with all these garage kids,” said Doherty. “I remember fucking this girl in the toilets, on the floor, proper sort of sliding about the tiles and Carl came in with another girl, as cool as you like and bent her over the toilet. “Yeah, he had a smile on his face. And a vertical smile on his bum.”

The threesome - Peter’s ex Katie Lewis aka the Katie of What Katie Did describing a threesome she had with Peter and Carl after a wasted night out. She’s low on detail but CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE. Like seriously.

The naked cycle - That time Peter cycled naked back to the tour bus through the streets to try and get to a girl before Carl hooked up with her but failed to make it in time and was forced to watch them snog for hours instead. Also he had no clothes because the girl he had been with had locked him naked in a bathroom: Tandem-girl story from Kids in the riot: It was just girls, girls, girls. In Munich, I went off on a tandem with this girl, back to her place. She insisted on playing Suede. So it’s afterwards and I want to go back to the venue because there’s this other girl and I wanna get to her before Carl does, but the tandem-girl locks me in the bathroom so I think, ‘Disaster,’ and actually end up booting the door through and she was screaming, screaming, screaming and she was naked as well. She’s had my clothes away, and I’ve had to jump back on her bike and race through the streets of Munich with just a hat on, back to the bus. And at the end of the night we had to leave Munich because we couldn’t stay and Carl was just snogging this girl endlessly and I’m stood there like fucking Hancock, when Sid James has pulled and he hasn’t. That was the girl that I’d cycled back for.”

Arcadia and back - When Carl took Peter to his mother’s house and showed him the “wild woods” and “took him to Arcadia and back”.

(source)

Have you noticed changes in each other? Pete: ‘I never really used to take much notice before, but now we’re being asked to analyse the changes and the differences, just to placate the naysayers. I’m scared to share a microphone with him now because people say it’s a gimmick. Sometimes I do rush over [to the mic], but that’s only because after you’ve had a few drinks and smoked a certain amount you get that really nice smell on your breath. You know, like when your lover has got that winey, smoky taste. Not that Carl’s my lover… I’d rather toss off a frog.’ Carl: ‘That’s why he moved to France.’ Speaking of the two of you as lovers, have you read any Libertines fan fiction? Pete: ‘Don’t mention that! He gets really annoyed.’ Carl: ‘I wouldn’t even know where to look for it.’ Pete: ‘He’s lying. Someone pointed us in the direction of it. It’s fucking weird, man, isn’t it? A lot of effort has gone into it. There’ll be a poetic stream of consciousness and then suddenly, BANG! My cock will appear in Carl’s ear. I think it must be written by someone close to us, because apart from the actual sex side of things, which obviously isn’t true, some of it’s quite close to life.’ What advice would you give to a young band just starting out? Pete: ‘You should start that question “Is there any advice…”’ Is there any advice…? Pete: ‘No.’ Carl: ‘Nothing apart from “Keep the faith!” It’s the hardest thing in the world, and the easiest.’ Pete: ‘Just don’t listen to the naysayers who say that it’s a crap idea to put on this certain event at this certain place. Just do it. Play the really dodgy pub at the end of the street. You could meet a songwriting partner. You could get a blowjob. I don’t know.’ Carl: ‘You could get both, if you read the fan fiction.’

(source)

Now excuse me for adding so many gifs to underline the gayness that you will never see the end of this post:

So then let’s get to The Libertines as a whole again. These are some clips concerning the whole band that you have to see: The Libertines In The Van encore shenanigans Music moment of the year very young Libertines