#whatever taylor does MEANS something
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h-f-k ¡ 9 months ago
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next time can you guys let me know when it's surprise song time? i just want to avoid reading the 4 page essays on how some of you think she's communicating with us through those songs about her private life, because it's getting fucking insufferable
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itspileofgoodthings ¡ 5 months ago
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tags continued from prev post.
#and all of this is true while it is ALSO true that her songs age incredibly well#even debut or random soundtrack songs or endgame#whatever song people try to put on the worst Taylor songs list NEVER QUITE BELONGS#it doesn’t feel right. and to some extent occasionally in mercurial flashes I feel the same about her BEST songwriting list#I can never rank anything of hers ever because she can write better than she has written#if anything finds her own songwriting dead it’s what her future self will be able to achieve#and I think sometimes even the public can SENSE this about her and it’s part of why people are sooooo hard on her in a brutal way#and in a way they never are with other artists. who have reached the limits of their potential#Taylor has not reached the limits ���that’s the simple way of saying it#in some way she is still figuring out the artist she is going to be#and I really do think that it is going to be absolutely astonishing#because in some ways (this is going to sound crazy) she is still distracted by her success and her tour#she’s NOT but I mean. the canon hasn’t been fully set free#there are still somehow things holding her back#and we’ve watched her outstrip so much of those early confines that fame and the business of the music industry strapped around her#we’ve seen her say ‘that doesn’t apply to me’#but actually she’s going to and she needs to and I believe she WILL continue to move into rarefied air#my mom helped me give me the final piece of this feeling (and it’s just a deep gut intuition/brain chemical thing for me)#when she said one day almost in mild exasperation: maybe one day Taylor will grow into a Dolly Parton#and something CLICKED#in my brain. and I don’t agree with my mom in terms of her non-interest in Taylor (as much as it has pained me to do so)#I think she’s worth loving and paying attention to now#but that gap that exists between people who love her and people who don’t (full time haters internet trolls do not interact)#I think it’s going to close with time as her work stretches out and out and grows and changes#like I think by the end of her career we are going to have something so astonishing#and to loop it back for a second to a previous thought. I think that’s why sometimes a taylor song can sound disjointed to me. because it#will hit the Depths of the Depth for a second. it will transcend and then it will go back to merely being an excellent pop song#those flashes are everywhere in her work but I think she is going to work and hone them into being conductors of light in a more steady way#the older she gets. does this sound INSANE. idk sometimes I think it does and then sometimes I think it DOESNt. so who knows. but yeah#it’s hard to say because I know it will read as more critical of Taylor than I mean it to be. when really I mean it with so much awe
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unproduciblesmackdown ¡ 10 days ago
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pinning to the workshop corkboard: you've heard of winston "i'm cassandra" billions clairvoyance concepts for fun & profit, hear also of winston billions sphinx concepts (you must be This understanding of what he means to proceed)
#not a brand new one but the other day i was like have i ever put that to words & post? then i saw two unrelated sphinxposting reminders#winston billions#the riddlerrr sphinx also like yeah yeah winged lion form. kind of a hassle but optional perhaps still b/c yeah that's fun#did have the thought ''what if his pet cat is also secretly what has the winged lion that kills you form lol''#also the thought that whatever Gate / Boundary / [cannot proceed] happens could be Varied as well as Involuntary#would add to the like episodic type possibilities like oops how do we get past this? what's the issue? even winston may not know#meanwhile like Deliberate Obfuscation would only go so far re: the metaphor here being relevant to winston the autistic person#he Has to be understood; on his terms. you gotta work to & actually figure out what he is conveying to you#i suppose also ''or die'' is an option here lol. nightmare scenario for everyone who'd rather steamroll him forever to be sure; but#[you just Can't proceed] applied less lethally than that still affords plenty of You Have To Understand What He Means possibilities#see also: [rian as basically an oc based mostly on pre production hiatus funny little guy status] translating what he means....#just Not Really A Problem shrugmoji (audhd solidarity (rian 5x05 thru 07 oc continues))#yet would hardly imply taylor is a party who wouldn't also usually understand winston easily & accurately (not like 5x07 does either)#plus then complications like do ppl twist Understanders' arms for cheat codes sometimes. try to posit them as hypotheticals lol#in this world where sometimes a coworker is a sphinx or is; in tandem with his cat? well sometimes they're autistic. nonbinary#genderfluid. wear glasses. just another day at the encouragement to crush coworkers factory#anyway something where if i had a zillion detailed thoughts on this it might be other than a brief nocturnal text post but#see also: who says solving a riddle can't be a conversation / the riddlerrr is also trying to figure it out.#like sure i guess i can give clues & hints but i'm not even sure they're useful / not sure what i'm clueing you in to either#clue....like minotaurs out here (clew like the thread/yarn. like is used to find your way through / out of a labyrinth)#anyway e.g. like oh you can't do [xyz] in whatever thwarted way? how can Figuring Out Smthing W/Winston help? maybe he doesn't know either#maybe his cat has materialized huge & Theoretically lethal to thwart smthing. maybe regular size & just swatting at you. who can say#maybe winston is like hm i see that i can fly or kill you more than usual. who else can say. &c. imagine#meanwhile tfw ''okay i genuinely get what you mean'' doesn't guarantee then like. proceeding w/any basic respect beyond that lol#but already more leverage / more effort in that by far & perhaps that ability to just shut ppl out of plenty of [access / do whatever]#when indeed even that leverage had / effort given is considered Too Much#can only be guaranteed basic respect in the winston billions guaranteed basic respect au
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inkskinned ¡ 5 months ago
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the thing about some men is that they want you to remember, at all times, that you are underneath them. that with one word or look or "joke", you will stay beneath them. that even "exceptions" to the rule are not true exceptions - the commonly cited statistic that one in eight men believe they could win against serena williams.
women's gymnastics is often not seen as real gymnastics. whatever the fuck non-euclidian horrors rhythmic gymnasts are capable of, it's often tamped down as being not a sport. some of the most dominant athletes in the world are women. nobody watches women's soccer. despite years of dancing and being built like a fucking brick, men always assume they're faster and stronger than i am. you wouldn't like what happens when they are incorrect. once while drunk at a guy's house i won a held-plank challenge by a solid minute. the party was over after that - he became exceedingly violent.
what i mean is that you can be perfect, and they still think you're ... lacking, somehow. i hope you understand i'm trying to express a neutral statement when i say: taylor swift was the possibly the most patriarchy-palatable, straight-down-the-line woman we could churn out. she is white, conventionally attractive, usually pretty mild in personality. say what you will about her (and you should, she's a billionaire, she can handle it), but a few things seem to be true about her: 1. she can write a damn catchy song, and 2. the eras tour truly was a massive commercial success and was also genuinely an impressive feat of human athleticism and performance.
i don't know if she deserves the title of "woman of the year," i'm not debating that in this post. what i am saying is that she was named Woman of The Year, and then an untalented man got onstage at the golden globes and made fun of her for attending her boyfriend's football games. what i am saying is that this woman altered local economies - and her dating life is still being made into a "harmless" punchline. the camera panned, greedy, over to her downing a full glass of champagne. congratulations taylor! you are woman of the year! but you are a woman. even her.
fuck, man. write better material.
a guy gets onstage at a college graduation and despite the fact like half the crowd is made up of women, he spends a significant proportion of it warning these people - who spent possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education - that they were lied to. that the "real" meaning of femininity is motherhood. that they shouldn't rest on the laurels of that education-they-paid-for but instead throw it away to kneel at a man's heel. imagine that. sweating in your godawful polyester gown (that you also had to pay for!), fresh out of 4 years of pushing yourself ever-harder: and some guy you've never met - who knows nothing about you - he reminds you this "win" is a pyrrhic one at best. you really shouldn't consider yourself that extraordinary. you're still a woman, even after years of study.
god forbid you are not a pretty woman, but if you are pretty, you must be dumb. god forbid you are not ablebodied or white or cis or straight or good at swallowing. you must be beneath a man, or else they are not a man. the equation for masculinity seems to just be: that which is not a woman or womanly (god forbid). anything "feminine" is thereby anathema. to engage in "feminine" things such as therapy, getting a hug from a friend, or crying - it is giving up ones manhood. therefore women need to be put in their place to ensure that masculinity is protected.
this is something i have struggled to explain to terfs - they are not doing the work of feminism, but rather the patriarchy. by asserting that women and men must be (on some secret level) oppositional and in conflict, they also assume that being a woman is akin to being another species. but bigotry does not stem from observational truths or clarity - that is what makes it bigotry. there was nothing in my childhood that made me fundamentally different from my brother. we are treated differently nonetheless. to assert there is some biological drive that enforces my gender role is to assert that women have a gendered role. men do not see women as equal to them not because of biological reality - but instead because the core tenant of the patriarchy is that women aren't full, realized people.
we are told from a very young age to excuse misbehavior as a single man's choice - not all men. it is not all men, just that one guy. all women are gold-digging bitches who belong in the kitchen - but if a man is mean, bigoted, or violent to you, it's just that particular guy, and that means nothing about men-as-a-whole. it is only one guy who got mad when you gently rejected him. it is only one guy who warns her this trophy is heavy, are you sure you can hold it? it is only one guy who smashes her face into the cake. it is only one guy talking into a mic about hating our bodily autonomy.
i have just found that they often wait until the moment we actually seem to be upstaging them. you sit in a meeting where you're presenting your own findings and he says get me a coffee? or you run to the end of the marathon and are about to finish first and he pushes your kids out in front of you. you win the chess game and they make some comment akin to well, you're ugly away. we can be the billionaire and get the dream life and finally fucking do it and yet! still! they have this strange, visceral urge to say well actually, if you think you're so great -
it's not one just one guy. it's one in eight.
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lilacstro ¡ 19 days ago
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ruler of 1st through the houses: how you may like to dress and present yourself 💋
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ahh this is another impulsive post, since I planned on posting things in the first week of November. However, I hope you take this post as both, an observation and a sweet suggestion to your style! PS: I have added moodboards according to how imagine it to be, that part is not an observation or statement, however, feel free to tell me your thoughts or use it as a style inspo!
How to find the ruler: Let's say your 1st house is in Leo, who rules leo? Sun. Now find where is your Sun. Maybe 11th? Then your ruler of 1st is in 11th. Hope this helps, I often get a lot of questions on this one haha
Paid readings open!
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Ruler of 1st in 1st Ah, people with this placement attract a lot of attention to themselves, especially because of the way they dress, talk, act and all of that. There is a strong, powerful aura, undeniable. If I am not wrong, Monica Bellgucci has this placement. Bold red lips, making strong fashion statements, however that may be. Also the way they dress is actually to either extremes, either its very vinatagey, classic and eloquent, or something extremely bold and colorful, regardless, the aura and energy and presence is felt and you would steal a glance, they attract attention super quick.
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Ruler of 1st in 2nd CONFIDENCE. I have found that these people do not "specifically" have an aesthetic they follow, but regardless, whatever they wear, literally anything, they carry it with confidence. A confident aura, and how you feel, your feelings, they decide how you command the room. If you feel like "that girl", it would show and reflect, and if anything seems to be holding you back, that is very recognizable as well. You may have some very specific rules on how you want to dress and present, and they might not change very frequently. Signature styles is what I mean!
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Ruler of 1st in 3rd Very approachable kind of vibe. Someone who does not intimidate people, but rather, super comfortable, a friendly nature and aura. Like you may not know this person super well, yet they may be able to hold a small chat with you very easily. Very welcoming kind of aura and vibe, they can easily make you feel at ease, that you are one of them, in a very sweet way. Usually extroverted, and most probably friends with nearly everyone, or atleast have held a conversation with everyone.
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Ruler of 1st in 4th Ah, these people are usually very chill and can make you feel home BUT only if you are able to get past their tough front they put. Since the ruler moves to an angular house, regardless of how they present themselves, they do catch attention to themselves. They may usually seem withdrawn, and may like to "observe" people. Ah, and in terms of dressing, they only wear what actually makes them feel comfortable, and now that can be anything in all honesty, it can super chic, or casual or whatever.
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Ruler of 1st in 5th These people may actually believe in "dress to impress", and I mean it as a compliment. Very attractive, and very attention catching appeal, in both the way they dress and act and talk. They usually do not go for super serious styles, or something that would look aloof, because they have a warm energy and they are the types where Taylor swift writes "everybody wants you", and this is because they have that vibe haha. Whatever they wear, they carry themselves with grace and even if they are not feeling the best, they would still appear confident.
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Ruler of 1st in 6th I see people with these placements may often have people copy them, or may have that "household" name kind of a thing. It may look like they are in a competition without even doing anything, usually a serious demeanor. They may have this vibe of "better than others" without doing anything. The way they dress is usually comfortable, but serious, intimidating or I may say, it looks like mhm they have put efforts in their outfits. May have the "clean girl" aesthetic.
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Ruler of 1st in 7th These people 8/10 times have that fairy, cottage core kind of style, and presence. Looking graceful, if I put it right. An approachable appearance and demeanor, unless the rising sign or 1st house has serious kind of planets or I may rather phrase it well and say malefic. Usually have a charm, good social persona and appearance, and people may want to befriend them, know them and may like their energy, which is sweet and empowering if that's a right word? Ah, Lizzo's song "If I am shining everybody gonna shine, I was born like this don't even gotta try" . Dress well even if they are going to a local shop.
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Ruler of 1st in 8th Intimidating aura. Even if other placements in chart are jovial, they would be people who scare you a little, in a good way lmao. Silent confidence, there is no need for them to do anything special as such, yet they would be someone who would make you feel things strongly, seriously, and this "silent charisma" may actually come from the fact that they shed so much skin, go through such transformative periods in their life quite frequently. Hard to understand and may seem aloof. And even if they are being honest, you may always have this lingering feeling of "I think they are hiding something behind that smile" and usually it is quite like that tbh, even if they may be jovial, they may still have this motto like "laugh with all, cry with some"
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Ruler of 1st in 9th Sharp, witty replies. Usually a very "funky" "cool" kind of aura and appearance. It may feel like it is hard to keep up with their energy and aura. As in they make you feel like "what should I actually say" because it is hard to match their energy....which usually fluctuates a lot honestly. They can be very unserious, and super serious two seconds later. Saying mindful, things of wisdom casually while trying to joke. Can pull off ANYTHING they wear, because their energy is super variable. In fact very versatile style.
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Ruler of 1st in 10th A very serious appearance, intimidating. "Don't waste my time" vibes, so they may get people to have some real work from them, in order to hold a conversation, even if they do not do anything explicitly to state that lmao. Hardworking, may seem like while you drink water, they would do 10 more things in that span of time, and for this reason people can feel competitive and guarded in their presence, they may unconsciously feel like "proving themselves" to this person. Usually dress serious, old money, and do not wear anything that they do not feel confident in. Dressing to seem powerful kind of vibes.
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Ruler of 1st in 11th Apart from the ruler in 9th, this is another og placement that is super versatile and can usually pull off anything they wear. Catch attention super quick and can have people as "fans" haha. Usually have a major "one of us" vibe, and someone who you feel can connect to. Celebs with this placement are usually humanitarians or seen as "relatable". People may feel good near you, understood, but no matter what, there still can be a feeling of some kind of gap, which is hard to understand. People who have wonderful intellect and a lot to learn from!
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Ruler of 1st in 12th These kinds of people usually like to stay aloof and confide in some specific things and people for they may have a notion of "nobody can get me". Very secretive kind of aura and energy, it may be hard to decode and pin this person down. They may alienate themselves, or maybe aloof because people do not quite know how to connect to them, communicate with them in the first few meetings. But if you are lucky and they are friends with you, unsaid things would get understood. May have hard time handling attention, even if it is their job. Usually like to dress in non revealing dresses, or maybe in dresses that usually do not quite show who they are. Dressing to appear different, serious, mysterious, maybe in a way that elevates their position. Regardless, there may be many people who may notice them, but letting them know would be too much work lmao.
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cherriegyuu ¡ 3 months ago
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so high school | kmg | part 1
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pairing: hockey player mingyu x f!reader  genre: smut (in later part), fluff, a bit of angst, bad attempt at comedy word count: 8.8k summary: when you’re suddenly thrown in Mingyu’s direction, you have no choice but to stay by his side, and maybe it’s not as bad as you think playlist: click here a/n: i wanted to write a story that was light, summeryish. it was based off of taylor swift’s song so high school (i’m not that creative with names), i wanted to write that sort of cute romance we all just love. i truly hope you like it, this one is precious to me. thank you to @joonsytip for helping me with this one. please, remember to comment and reblog, it does mean the world to me and i would love to know your opnions.
< part two >
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If there was one thing you hated about college, it was having to choose electives. For starters, you really didn’t want to be there. You were a good student because you had no choice, not because you absolutely loved college — not that your major was boring and you hated everything about it, but it really did seem like a universal experience to hate your chosen major at some point in college. But the problem was that taking the courses related to your major was hard enough as it was, you didn’t want to have to worry about subjects that might or might not add to what you were studying. Of course, you always tried to choose something that had at least a minimum to do with your major — Art History.
But there were times, like the previous semester when you procrastinated too much to choose one, that it simply wasn’t possible, and you had to put up with classes on Cultural Management. At first, you thought it would be geared towards galleries and the like, but it was something much more specific about public cultural heritage and that wasn’t what you wanted. At least the subject was easy enough. Just reading a few pages of Kira’s notes and listening to half of the lectures was enough to get you through with a high grade.
Trying to be a little smarter, and do something you actually enjoyed doing, you signed up for the semester’s classes as soon as they opened. You were already sitting in front of your computer when the clock struck 10 am. You chose a class that all of your classmates, or at least the ones you talked to, were interested in doing: Model Making.
It was something you enjoyed doing when you were younger. Your parents knew that if you simply disappeared or were too quiet — aka you weren’t yelling at Jeonghan — you’d be in your room surrounded by modeling clay, chopsticks, glue, brushes, and paint, or whatever materials you were using at the time. 
However, all of your dreams were shattered when you ran into Kira at the campus entrance. 
“You know, the teacher for this class is crazy. Your life is going to be hell” was like a cold shower.
After that, it was as if everywhere you went, people were purposefully talking about the subject, about how the teacher was absolutely crazy and that getting a good grade with her was almost impossible, and how she “seems to take a sick pleasure in failing students.” So when the day of class finally arrived, the first of the next six hellish months, you dragged yourself into the classroom. You chose the seat furthest away from her, hidden behind a student, and did your best to stay as out of sight as possible. 
The guy sitting in front of you turned around. He was smiling widely. You weren’t sure if he was trying to be friendly or what. 
“Do you know if what everyone’s saying is true?” 
There was something about him that was familiar. You obviously knew who he was, it was no secret. Everywhere you went, people were either whispering about him or there was a picture of him and the other guys on the team taped to the wall.
Kim Mingyu, star of the ice hockey team. The youngest to become captain, top scorer, the big sensation who would lead the university to the long-awaited championship. All that blah blah blah about the chosen athlete, and the latest savior of the nation.
So yes, you knew who he was, there was no way you couldn't know. But at that specific moment, while he was sitting in front of you, his body turned in the chair at a strange angle because he was obviously too big for that tiny chair, there was something about him that was strangely familiar.
"That the teacher is crazy?" he nodded, his eyebrows slightly arched and his lips almost forming a pout "I haven't heard anyone say otherwise, so I have no choice but to believe it."
You lowered your eyes and focused on the lit screen of your cell phone, which showed a new message from your brother. You didn't look away because you wanted to know what Jeonghan wanted, as far as you were concerned his message would only be read at the end of the day, if that. You didn't want to keep looking at Mingyu when you felt that everyone in the classroom was looking at you.
You knew it wasn't exactly true, there was no way an entire class, full of students talking to each other, could be looking at you at the same time as if you were doing something scandalous or even remotely wrong. But you knew there were a few people, and that was more than enough. It was a very familiar feeling, one you preferred not to revisit.
Even though you completely ignored Mingyu's presence or his gaze on you, he still hadn't turned around. Not even when the teacher entered the room and everyone fell silent.
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The problem with being a child who didn’t have many experiences is that you become a fearful person. Everything seems big, larger than life, and sometimes everything seems infinite and far beyond reach. It’s a much easier choice to retreat into that familiar corner and pretend the world outside simply doesn’t exist. The bubble you created for yourself was small and admittedly, sometimes suffocating, but it was also comforting.
But everything can change when you meet people who aren’t aware of that bubble, or who didn’t create those spaces for themselves. They weren’t trapped inside it.
One class was more than enough to start a crack in your perfectly intact bubble. A selective introvert, as you liked to say. For a loud hockey player when he was surrounded by his friends, Seokmin was strangely shy.
When the teacher was choosing the pairs, you closed your eyes, praying to anyone who would listen not to pair you with a bad student, someone who wouldn't do anything and you would have to do all the work alone. The prayer, or whatever it was, was not heard because the teacher decided it would be a great idea to pair you and Seokmin. Maybe you were under the wrong impression, falling into the old suspicions and stereotypes, but you doubted very much that you would be able to get any kind of help from Seokmin.
And to be quite honest, after a bad experience with a group mate, to the point of ending up at the police station, because the guy simply couldn't accept the fact that you taking his name off the work was completely his fault and you simply didn't think it was fair that you did everything alone and he still got a good grade, you were okay with doing everything on your own. You were sure that if you opened your email, and clicked on your spam box because God was a witness to the number of emails you had received from that idiot, there would probably still be some unread emails from him, bragging that even with your “attempt” to jeopardize his education, he had managed to get a good enough grade to pass the class. 
Despite everything, Seokmin was nice and seemed interested enough, although a little lost, but maybe a little push in the right direction would be enough. 
“I took this class because I thought it would be easy,” he said laughing, a little shy, “I guess I was wrong.” 
You nodded, absentmindedly turning the page of your notebook with the notes you had made. 
“I took it because I like the idea of ​​building models.”
The classroom door opened with a bang, slamming against the wall. Everyone turned to him, some girls laughing. Mingyu was obviously late, his hair still wet from the shower, his backpack inside out on his shoulder, his shirt completely wrinkled as if it had just come out of a cow’s mouth. The teacher stood up and walked towards him slowly, her arms crossed over her chest.
“He’s screwed.” Seokmin laughed softly, or as softly as he could.
The teacher didn’t have a welcoming look in her eyes, if anything she seemed to be glaring at Mingyu, and not even the best smile he could throw in her direction would make a difference. In addition to being crazy, the teacher was also apparently known for not accepting tardiness.
It was impossible to look away as Mingyu tried, without any success, to open his mouth to explain, but the teacher wouldn’t let him say a single word. You and Seokmin suppressed a laugh when the teacher looked in the direction where she thought the noise was coming from before turning back to Mingyu, who seemed more desperate by the second. He looked lost standing in front of the older woman, his head lowered like a child who had misbehaved and was listening to a lecture.
Finally, the teacher dismissed him with a wave of her hands and turned back to her desk, completely ignoring Mingyu. He finally turned back to the desks, his eyes scanning the space before finally settling on Seokmin. Or… on you? There was no reason to believe he was looking at you, none at all. When Mingyu smiled, you went back to looking at your notes, flipping the pages almost compulsively, looking for anything and nothing.
You had no idea why your heart was behaving like that, beating almost animalistically inside your chest, or why you felt a single drop of sweat run down your spine — despite the air conditioning being on and you feeling cold. You could have sworn you could hear Mingyu’s footsteps going up the stairs, despite the sound of the students’ conversations around you being obviously much louder.
“At least I got something good for being late today.”
Mingyu pulled out the empty chair next to you and sat down, his knee bumping against yours. You flinched a little and moved away, making yourself closer to Seokmin.
“Sorry,” you said to Seokmin and turned to Mingyu. “Could you…?”
You waved your hand to make him move away. He looked confused for a second until he pushed the chair further away from you. On the other side, Seokmin covered his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh, while Mingyu glared at him.
“The teacher who chose your group?” Seokmin asked, still trying to suppress a laugh.
“She just said to sit with whoever wasn’t already in a trio”
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Great, you were stuck with two jocks who had probably hit their heads on the ice so much that their brains had turned to jelly in their early twenties.
“What do we have to do?”
“Build 3 models based on architectural periods.” When Mingyu widened his eyes, you added, “It’s the entire semester’s work. We don’t even have to come to class anymore, just the last one to hand it in.”
You started gathering the few materials you had taken out of your bag. The notebook and pen quickly disappeared into what Jeonghan called a black hole. “What goes in there never comes out again. If you look hard enough, you’ll find a wallet I lost in high school.”
“Look, I know I’m going to do this alone. I'll find a way to let you know the periods I chose and the artists and you guys study for the presentation.” 
You stood up, pushing the chair back with your knees, making a lot more noise than expected, which in turn made most of the people turn to see what was happening, including the teacher. 
“Wait,” Mingyu said, holding the strap of your bag. 
Not that you could get out of there anyway, he was between you and any possibility of leaving. But you thought he would get out of the way if he saw that you wanted to leave.
“I'll help, it's my job too,” with his free hand, he pointed to Seokmin behind you. “Ours, actually.” 
Despite the sincere look on his face, you laughed.
“Look, I don't want to offend you guys, okay? But the three of us know that won't happen. There will always be a practice, a game, a party, something that will stop you from doing your part of the work. I don’t mind doing it alone, it won’t be the first time, and considering I still have two more semesters to go, it won’t be the last. It’s okay, really.”
Mingyu stood up and for a moment you were sure he was going to get out of your way, but somehow he managed to block your path even more. You couldn’t help but wonder if he had always been this tall and wide. When he was around the other players it didn’t seem like it, but him standing in front of you…
“I said we’ll help” 
He took his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, turning the device towards you.
“You know, your hands are huge, and this is a very delicate job” What exactly were you talking about?
“He’s more skilled than you can imagine,” Seokmin said. 
Once again, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. The teacher was definitely crazy, and it seemed like she had some kind of personal vendetta against you. Or was it a curse cast by Jeonghan for staining his white shirts? Whatever it was, it was a problem that, at the moment, had no obvious solution.
“If I fail this class because of you two idiots, maybe one of you will lose a hand.” You snatched the phone from Mingyu’s hand, dialed your number, and quickly handed it back. “Maybe both of you”
You put your hand on Mingyu’s shoulder and pushed him back. You tried your best to avoid any kind of contact, but it was the only solution you could find to pass.
“It’s not a matter of life or death, you know?” he said, laughing.
“I’ve never failed in my life, and I’m not going to start now.”
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Mingyu pushed the door open with perhaps a little more force than necessary. He wasn't angry, but he wasn't happy either, a strange feeling somewhere in between that he didn't like very much.
That first day he had seen you in class was like he had been transported back to high school. He could almost hear you saying, in the most disinterested tone in the world, "I've been waiting for you for two hours, could we please go home?" At that time he had also felt invisible to your eyes.
But so many years later, in that classroom, he thought you would recognize him. Mingyu thought, as naive as it may seem, that despite your disinterest at the time, at least you would know who he was.
Of all the people he could meet in that class, you were the last one that ever crossed his mind. It had been years since he had last seen you, since Jeonghan's last game, when he was crowned champion for the third time - an unprecedented feat until that moment. Mingyu had even tried to beat that record, but his runner-up position in the third year had prevented him from doing so. 
He had gotten used to seeing you from afar, always the unreachable sister of his captain, who always seemed to be much more interested in the books you carried around with you than in anything else. 
The truth was that you had never even directed a word in Mingyu's direction. Besides Jeonghan, he had only seen you talk to one other person, Seungcheol. It had never been clear to him if it was by choice or if it was because Jeonghan always said you were off-limits. Maybe it was somewhere in between. 
However, when you entered the room, looking for an empty chair, Mingyu expected you to recognize him, even though so many years had passed. When you walked up the stairs and seemed to be heading towards him, Mingyu, like a silly teenager, expected you to at least greet him. But you walked right past him as if he wasn't even there. 
Even so, he tried to talk to you. Something about the teacher being crazy and the look in your eyes said that you couldn't wait for him to shut up and look straight ahead again.
After that, it was like he saw you everywhere, and believe him, he wasn't looking for you. In the cafĂŠ that opened on the other side of the campus, in the library, when he went to return a book, in the hallway of the building, on the lawn. Mingyu spent five years without having any kind of contact with you and, suddenly, you were everywhere.
He chose to see it as a divine sign. As if the guy up there was saying "Now is your chance". And then, as if all these signs weren't enough, he was given the chance to do an assignment with you, almost like a gift.
"The door didn't do anything to you," Seokmin said laughing.
"Do you want to be the door?" 
Maybe the divine signal was broken, maybe the guy up there was messing with him because in less than 5 minutes you managed to extinguish any and all excitement Mingyu could have about doing the assignment with you. All you had to do was open your mouth.
“Dude, she just doesn’t remember you” Seokmin laughed again, having a little too much fun with the whole situation “If you say, ‘hi, I was your brother’s teammate’, she’ll still not remember you, but maybe she’ll be less hostile”
Mingyu highly doubted that was the case. There was a rumor that you hated everything and anything that had to do with hockey, your patience was less than zero. Jeonghan was the king of the ice, the best the sport could produce. You were the ice princess without ever having even put on a pair of skates – or so the gossip said. 
“It doesn’t bother me that she doesn’t remember me” It did bother him, but he wouldn’t admit it “It bothers me that she thinks I’m stupid”
Usually, under completely normal circumstances, Mingyu would even prefer to be seen as stupid and without anything in his head. It was easier, it prevented people from creating any kind of expectation about him. Strangely, he wanted you to see him as intelligent.
“You’re a bit contradictory, aren’t you? You’ve spent the last 3 years cultivating the image of a dumb athlete, who gets good grades by pure luck, despite the almost impossible subjects, but now you want her to think you’re smart”
“I didn’t know you knew how to use the word contradictory”
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You stared at the lit screen of your cell phone. The unknown number was glowing and the inviting green button was almost begging you to answer the call. It was already the third time he had called and it would also be the third time you had ignored him.
“You know, it won’t hurt if you answer his call,” Kira said beside you, but she also knew that trying to convince you was a losing game.
Exactly 11 days had passed since the fateful class that had put you in a group with Seokmin and Mingyu. While you had no direct problems with either of them, besides them being hockey players, Mingyu’s insistence irritated you in a way that didn’t make much sense — not even to you. You should have felt relieved that he wanted to do the work, and that he was interested in participating. But the truth is that you knew how this worked, you had been in that situation before and hadn’t had the best experience.
Maybe you were a little too hard on him, it's true, but it's like the old saying goes: a scalded cat fears cold water.
“I want to keep as far away from him as possible.”
Kira rolled her eyes for what seemed like the twentieth time. She understood, to some extent, your dislike for players and also knew that a lot of it came from your brother, but in the case of Mingyu, specifically, you were definitely going too far.
“Look, the rumors are that he's a good student, actually. Always with high grades.” Kira tried to argue.
You knew the rumor well, even before you were put in the same group, in fact, much to your chagrin, Mingyu had chosen to be in the same group as you. That helped a lot with the huge reputation he had around the college. Handsome, athletic, good student. But you didn't believe it for a minute.
You didn’t know if Mingyu really had any good grades, but if he did, you were sure he hadn’t gotten them in the most… fairway.
“And he’s not unpleasant to look at at all.”
It was your turn to roll your eyes at him. Yes, Mingyu was gorgeous, breathtaking, the kind of guy that made you wonder if he was even real. You had eyes and they worked just fine, you didn’t need Kira to remind you that he was handsome. Saying Mingyu was handsome was like saying the sky was blue, obvious, and expected.
“You know I don’t mess with athletes.”
Finally, Mingyu had given up on the call, but that didn’t mean he had given up completely. Your phone only had a few seconds of respite before the screen lit up again, but this time with a ton of messages.
Unknown - 11:32
hi, it's mingyu
Unknown - 11:32
again
Unknown - 11:33
answer me, I want to talk about the project
Unknown - 11:34
you said you want to do it alone, but it's not going to happen, you know? I can't leave my grande in the hands of a complete stranger
Unknown - 11:35
I see you with your phone in your hand, take my call or reply to my texts
You lifted your head so quickly that you felt a twinge in your neck.
"Shit"
You looked around the cafe, trying to find Mingyu, but most of the tables were empty and none of the people standing in line looked remotely like him. You brought your face closer to the glass, trying to find the tall, broad figure, outside, and still didn't see anyone who could be mistaken for him.
yn - 11:37
I could report you for stalking
Unknown - 11:37
crime: wanting to do a college assignment
yn - 11:37
following me around, calling me non-stop, texting me. It could be considered stalking, yes
Unknown - 11:38
again, crime: wanting to do a school project
Unknown - 11:38
also, I wasn’t following you, I just happened to see you
yn - 11:38
I already said I'll do it alone
Unknown - 11:39
and I already said it won't happen, so if you could tell me your plan on how to do it, that would be great
“We have to admit, he's persistent”
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Mingyu's messages became common and also at the most random moments possible. You were sure that the only time he hadn't sent a text was when he was at the game last Friday. You knew this because you had watched the game, with the computer with the sound turned down so that Jeonghan wouldn't suspect anything. 
You hated to admit it, but he was good at what he did. Dared to say it was even glorious. It was hard to believe that a man of that size, so wide, could infiltrate the smallest spaces and score the most unbelievable goals possible. He and Seokmin together were almost magical. They still couldn't compare to the duo of Jeonghan and Seungcheol, but that was already a very high level to reach. 
Mingyu had given up on sending you texts only about work, not that you had answered any of them, but he also started asking about your course, inviting you and Kira to go to one of his games – you still wondered how he had found out about your friendship since all of your social media profiles were locked and so were Kira's.
You had to agree with Kira, he was persistent. You could even say tireless. If you were him, you would probably have given up a long time ago, choosing to let the crazy guy do the work alone. But Mingyu was nowhere near giving up. You knew this because every time you miraculously ran into Mingyu, you had to run away from him, practically having to run away from him at some point.
It worked very well for a week until one day he simply appeared in front of you. You were distracted, your eyes glued to your phone. Jeonghan was gliding across the ice with skill when the player from the other team hit him hard, his body flying before falling to the ice. You felt the air get stuck in your lungs until he stood up, clearly irritated by what had happened. You felt like laughing when you saw the name on the other player's shirt, the one who had pushed Jeonghan. Choi. Best friends in real life, rivals on the ice.
“What are you looking at so focused?” a voice said next to him.
You felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest as you tried to lock your phone and put it back in the bag. You wished you had been more graceful in the whole situation, to look less like someone who had been caught red-handed doing something they shouldn't have.
“Jeez, do you have no manners?” your voice came out louder than expected, causing some people around him to turn to see what was happening.
Beside you, Mingyu smiled, pleased with himself for having gotten some reaction beyond furrowed eyebrows and a look of disgust.
“Were you running away from me?” he raised his hand and corrected himself, “Not right now because you clearly had no idea I was here, but in general.” 
You rolled your eyes and quickened your pace. You didn’t really have anywhere to go or anything to do, there were still 50 minutes until your next class and there was no time to run home and hide. Would it be too pathetic to hide in the bathroom and wait for him to leave? With your luck, he would be waiting outside, even if it meant missing a class. 
“Why would I do that?” 
Mingyu crossed his arms over his chest. For the first time in your life, you wished someone was ugly, devoid of any kind of muscles or attractive qualities. You wished he was ugly, terrible to look at. You wished the sun wouldn’t make his skin shine, you wished you didn’t find the mole on the tip of his nose cute, wished you hadn’t wondered if maybe all this insistence of his didn’t have some extra reason, besides wanting to get the work done and obviously annoying you. Of all the things, you wished you hadn’t been disappointed when you hadn’t seen him for a day.
It was ridiculous, you knew it was. But whatever it may be, there you were, your heart pounding, feeling it throb in your neck. You wouldn’t fool yourself into thinking it was just because you were surprised by him suddenly being by your side. You could fool others, but at least you had to be fair to yourself.
“I don’t know, you tell me.”
Even though you knew it wasn’t a good idea, you stood still. You knew it would only attract more attention, it was almost inevitable when Mingyu was by your side. 
“Okay, I was. I don’t want to be seen with you.”
Mingyu looked confused, his head lolling to the side as if he was seriously thinking about what was happening. The question mark was clearly written on his face. It was almost as if one was floating above his head.
“Mingyu, look. You, in and of yourself, are not the problem. I mean, in part, it is, but you know, it's that old story, the problem is me, not you.”
“I honestly thought the problem was just the assignment.” He scratched his head, his eyebrows still furrowed. “You think I'm stupid and that kind of thing.”
You took a deep breath, your eyes closed for a second. You hadn't explained the situation to him, you had no reason to, so he had no way of knowing. But you also didn't want to expose your life to a stranger, so you weren’t willing to just tell secrets you’d never said out loud.
“If I tell you I’ll let you guys do your part, will you stop following me? It’s a little weird, and maybe even a little creepy.”
Your words were honest, it was weird and creepy at the same time. It didn’t make sense. Wouldn’t it be much easier for him, and for Seokmin, to just let you do everything yourself so they could focus on whatever was important to them? In your opinion, it was the easiest thing for everyone.
But Mingyu looked like a dog with a bone. A terrible analogy, but it made sense, at least to you.
“Yes,” a direct answer, great.
“Let’s do it like this then, let’s chat via text about the artists we think are cool, which are the most interesting. Once we’ve reached a consensus, we’ll get together to start making the models.”
You took a step back and held out your hand. A peace offering.
“We have a deal then.”
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If regret killed, you would have been dead and buried so long ago that you would have turned into fertilizer. Logically, you knew that trusting Jeonghan was a mistake. You loved your brother with all your heart, but you also knew that he wasn't the most trustworthy person for certain things.
If you were in trouble and needed help? He was definitely the right guy for the job. He wouldn't say a word in a judgmental tone and, depending on the situation, he would go far enough to pretend it never happened. Now, if it was a request that he considered silly, then it was a lost cause. 
Besides all that, Jeonghan liked to play pranks, and you were one of his favorite victims. Things could even get a little out of hand when he and Seungcheol got together. It was like having two completely devilish older brothers. In truth, Seungcheol alone wasn't even that bad, but when he got together with Jeonghan it was like someone had opened the gates of hell. 
Even knowing all this, you had talked to him. You knew the house was his, that he could come and go as he pleased, but thought that if you played the little sister card well enough he would let it go.
"Some friends from college are coming over tomorrow, can you please not show up at home?" you asked, making your best puppy-dog-that-fell-out-of-the-moving-truck face.
"You don’t want me to meet your boyfriend?" he laughed, looking away from his phone for a second before returning his attention to the device.
You closed your eyes. Something was going on. Jeonghan was really into his phone, much more than usual. Either some nonsensical rumor had been published, which he would have already shown you and laughed along with you when he read the absurdities written; or he had a bone in his body, also known as a girlfriend. He always got more into his phone when he had someone more serious in his life.
It was useful information to have, so you put it in a little box in your mind labeled "something to blackmail Jeonghan with later" For now it was just speculation, but it could be important.
"How many boyfriends do you think I have?" You grimaced, shaking your head. “But no, none of them are my boyfriend. They’re just some guys I have to work with. I thought about doing it here because we need space and I’m sure I’ll yell at one of them sooner or later.”
You weren’t in the habit of bringing people home. Jeonghan was a person who really liked his private life to remain that way, private. Even with Kira, who was your closest friend, you had a hard time taking her home. Not because Jeonghan had asked. He knew that if you were asking, it was because you needed to or because you trusted those people enough to know who your brother was without it becoming a problem.
In fact, you weren’t sure of anything, not that you needed them or that you could trust them. But Jeonghan wasn’t one of those celebrities who had huge photos of themselves scattered around the house. It’s a little creepy, to be honest, he had said once. So the few photos he had around the living room were in normal-sized picture frames, which his mother had put up when she visited, so they could be easily hidden. The lie about the rich brother who works in the stock market was always on the tip of your tongue in case someone could question why you lived in a penthouse.
"I don't understand what's wrong with me being here then" His indifferent tone of voice was dangerous.
Maybe it would be better to give up.
"First because I don't need supervision, the virginity ship sailed a long time ago" 
It might be a good idea to talk about something he didn't like to talk about, like your past relationships. He could joke all he wanted, but at the end of the day, he was just a guy who didn't like knowing that his younger sister had boyfriends.
"For the love of god I don't need to know that in detail" He grimaced, pretending to vomit. He was such a good actor that he had even turned pale.
"And secondly, because they play hockey. Since there's no way they don't know who you are, I'd like to not witness another fanboy" 
You knew you had said the wrong thing when you noticed that gleam in Jeonghan's eyes. Even his expression had changed when you told him that your groupmates played hockey.
Still, you chose to believe him when he said he would be out of the house all day, that he would even go to Seungcheol's house after practice — which you thought was a lie, considering the whole situation with not putting down his phone and running when a notification came in. He had gone as far as to say, “let me know when it's over, so I can come home.” That's why you sent a message to the group chat with Seokmin and Mingyu asking if they had Tuesday night off.
A part of you, a very big part, thought they would deny it and make up any excuse not to show up, but it was almost as if they both had their phones in their hands waiting for your message.
And so, the three of you were sitting at Jeonghan's huge dining table. It was the kind of furniture that existed only to take up space, you always ate in the kitchen.
“You live well” Seokmin commented.
It was funny, and almost cute, how completely clumsy he was. You had bought different types of materials to test, thinking about which one would work best. Seokmin had changed several times, the last attempt was the biscuit.
“My brother earns well” you shrugged, hoping he wouldn't ask anymore.
To your surprise, he didn't ask. Which was a relief, you didn't want to lie.
Even without looking up, you knew Mingyu was looking at you. He didn't try to hide it at all. It was uncomfortable, but at the same time, it was flattering.
You rested your chin on your hand and stared at him too. Ever since the first day you had seen him in class, you had the feeling that you knew him. You didn't know where from, you didn't know how. It wasn't from college, it wasn't from the posters spread around, or from the fame he had. It was from before, before college, but you didn't know where. You were sure he wasn't in any of the courses you took and he wasn't from your school either, there was no hockey team.
“Where do I know you from?” the words came from your lips, but it was a question asked much more to you than to him.
Mingyu simply tilted his head to the side and didn't say a single word. Seokmin, who until then had his head down, his brow furrowed in concentration trying to shape the white mass in his hands, looked up, almost startled by your words.
It was as if a light bulb had been turned on over your head. It was so ridiculously obvious that you would be able to kick yourself.
And with perfect timing, as if it had been sent from heaven, programmed to the exact seconds, you heard the living room door open. A second later, Jeonghan was in the room.
“Mingyu?” Jeonghan said, his eyes darting from side to side, trying to understand what was happening.
“Captain,” Mingyu said, smiling.
You wished a hole the size of Mount Everest would open up beneath your feet and swallow you whole as you watched Mingyu stand up and greet Jeonghan as if they were old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years.
That was obviously true.
“You know each other” It wasn’t a question, it was a simple statement.
“Yes? Mingyu is a few years younger, but we played on the same team.”
Suddenly a brief movie flashed through your head, of all the times you had seen Mingyu — or at least the times that were never erased. Mingyu walking next to Jeonghan one of the times you were waiting for your brother in the school parking lot, him at the games, sitting on the bench completely irritated by the fact that he couldn’t play and the team was losing. He was a boy who was clearly too skinny, but somehow he had become that man in front of you.
“She doesn’t remember me,” Mingyu said with a laugh.
Was that a hint of resentment you heard in his voice? You hoped not, but maybe if you were in his shoes you would be resentful too. You hoped he hadn’t talked to you that first day because he expected you to recognize him and every time after that. Because most of the time you had been a complete jerk to him.
“Wow, you saw him literally every day for at least two years.”
It wasn’t like you weren’t already embarrassed enough on your own, of course, Jeonghan, in his best big brother role, had to add fuel to the fire. You hoped your cheeks weren’t as red as you felt them hot.
If the smile on Mingyu’s lips was any indication, you were completely screwed.
“I only remember Cheol. He was the only one you let get close to me.”
It was a futile attempt to defend yourself, but it was the only excuse you had. It was also the truth.
“That’s true,” Mingyu agreed, sitting back down.
It wasn’t a big secret that Jeonghan had forbidden all his teammates from getting close to you. It wasn’t like you desperately wanted their company anyway, so it was a win-win arrangement.
“You were a pain in the ass,” which was just another shovel of dirt for someone who was already buried, right?
“I was protecting you? The guys on the team…” he tried to defend himself, feigning offense.
You simply waved your hand at him, dismissing any kind of explanation he might have offered.
“They were teenagers full of testosterone and hormones. Not much has changed, you know.”
The three of them were startled when Seokmin slammed the table, his eyes wide as he stared at Jeonghan. For a few minutes, you had forgotten he was there.
“You are Yoon Jeonghan’s sister?” His voice had suddenly become shrill to the point of echoing in the room.
The laugh that escaped your lips was partly incredulous and partly desperate. Mingyu remembered you, but he hadn’t told anyone—not even his teammate—probably because he remembered it was something you kept people from knowing. In a way, you knew your secret's safe with him. But you didn’t know if you could trust Seokmin in the same way.
“He’s kind of slow sometimes.”
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Mingyu pushed Seokmin out the door, hoping he would finally stop talking. His friend hadn’t realized the discomfort he had caused you yet. Jeonghan, as always, didn’t seem to care and on some level, he actually seemed to enjoy all the attention he was getting.
“It’s been a while since someone got this excited to see me,” he said, laughing when Seokmin went to the bathroom.
Either Jeonghan hadn’t realized how quiet you had been, or he had simply chosen not to do anything about it. Mingyu couldn’t be sure of the older man’s intentions, not at that moment or when they were still at school.
But you? You were like an open book, almost begging to be read. You obviously didn’t say a word, but your face showed how uncomfortable you were with the whole situation, how embarrassed you were for not remembering Mingyu as soon as you saw him.
Without you noticing, Mingyu spent a lot of time observing you. In a way, it was easy to know what you were thinking. Of course, a lot had changed in the years you hadn't seen each other, but many things were still the same.
“He won't tell anyone about your brother.”
Mingyu pushed Seokmin again, this time towards the elevator, and turned to you, who was holding the door, your gaze almost lost.
“It's okay.” you took a deep breath before straightening your spine and forcing a smile. “Eventually, everyone will know.”
He shook his head and put his hand on your shoulder, leaning his body forward slightly so his eyes were leveled with yours.
“You have my word,” he promised, voice low “Seokmin won't open his mouth. Your secret will still be a secret.”
You nodded, but Mingyu knew the gesture was just to make him leave faster.
“You should go,” you said before closing the door, without waiting for Mingyu's response.
If he could, he would suffocate Seokmin right there in the hallway, but then the security cameras would see him and that would become a problem. He entered the elevator in silence and pressed the button for the ground floor. Beside him, Seokmin was practically thrilled with the discovery he had made an hour ago.
“When you said you knew her from your old school, I would never have imagined that,” he said, laughing. “I thought she was a girl who went to the same school as you.”
Mingyu chose to remain silent. He expected Seokmin to eventually get tired and simply stop talking, but he should have known better. His friend had too much energy to simply stop. In fact, it was a surprise that he had managed to stay quiet for two hours before Jeonghan arrived. And even after he arrived, Seokmin had remained standing in the same place. He spoke faster than ever and looked at Jeonghan as if he were seeing a god in person, but still, standing in the same place.
God knew it was almost impossible to convince Seokmin to stay still for long.
“I don’t understand why she hides the fact that she’s his sister. It’s basically the nicest thing anyone can say. Imagine going around saying ‘my brother is Yoon Jeonghan’”
Mingyu sighed and crossed his arms and sighed, rolling his eyes. Of course, he would.
“Remember that time your sister complained that a girl tried to befriend her because she wanted to go out with you?”
“It happened a few times, actually.”
Mingyu stayed silent, waiting for all the dots to connect in Seokmin’s head without him having to actually say the words. Under normal circumstances, Seokmin would have understood and kept quiet, but he was too excited after meeting an idol god to realize the full context Mingyu was trying to give him.
“That happens to her all the time. She didn’t even go to the same school as us. She really does everything so no one knows she’s his sister. Didn’t you notice there’s no picture of them at home?”
Seokmin laughed, as if the question was too stupid, causing Mingyu to narrow his eyes.
“Dude, you’re the one who’s into her, not me. I don’t care about whose picture is in her house.”
Would anyone find it a problem if Mingyu strangled Seokmin until he passed out and then took him back home? In Mingyu’s eyes, he would be doing everyone around him a favor. It would be a night of silence and peace for everyone involved — in this case, just him, but no one needed to know about it.
“Either way, you can’t tell anyone about this,” he warned once more.
He had made a promise to you and he would rather cut off an arm than break it.
“Not even to the team?”
Mingyu scratched his head before crossing his arms again, with much more force than necessary. Finally, the elevator reached the ground floor and Seokmin was faster than Mingyu to get out, almost running down the hall to the gate.
Mingyu briefly greeted the doorman with a nod before following his friend.
“Especially to the team. No one can know. It's like a federal secret, you know?”
Mingyu grabbed Seokmin by the arm, making his friend stop and look at him. He hoped it would be enough for him to understand that he wasn't kidding, that it wasn't some kind of joke.
"Jeez, so much drama."
He got away from his friend and quickly opened the car door and got into the passenger seat.
Once again, Mingyu took a deep breath, his eyes closed. Maybe he shouldn't have promised you anything, not when the promise had nothing to do with him, and when there was a possibility of everything going wrong, then he would have to bear the burden of someone else's mistake.
"Seokmin," your voice was a warning tone. He opened the car door.
"I won't say anything!" his friend almost shouted.
"You're terrible at keeping secrets," he sighed, almost defeated.
"Nobody knows that you're actually super smart," Seokmin scoffed. "I never told on you, you know."
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When you finally managed to get Mingyu and Seokmin to leave, you were beyond exhausted. It was late, already past 10 pm and you had to wake up early for class the next day. At least you would fall into bed without much trouble and you were sure that you would black out almost instantly. Except for the idea that from that moment on it was likely that the entire college would know who your brother was.
You always knew that this day would come, you just hoped it wouldn't be during college, a college that had a good hockey team — well, it was almost unfair, they were fantastic — and that lived and breathed the sport. If the news really needed to get out, you wanted it to happen when you were far away from there, in an environment where few people would like the sport. Of course, you were living off stereotypes, but you preferred to believe that you wouldn't have many colleagues who liked the sport, or that if they did, they would be indifferent.
With a sigh, you began to gather the materials that were scattered around the table, cleaning up the mess left behind. Seokmin wasn't wrong when he said that Mingyu was more skilled than expected. The prototype he made was delicate and almost perfect. Working with him wouldn't be complicated at all. With Seokmin too. He was more absent-minded, but he wasn't bad either. He could do the rough part of the work and you would refine it until it was perfect.
“Sis”
Jeonghan's voice sounded behind you and you chose not to answer. You were irritated with him for so many reasons that you didn't even know where to start, or what to say to him. You had made it explicitly clear why you didn't want him home. And, although he had never necessarily liked your reasons, Jeonghan had always respected you. If you said you didn't want something, he accepted it. But this time he had crossed all the limits.
“Sister” he tried again, this time a step closer to you.
You rested your hands on the table and leaned your body forward. 
“You know, I know that I live in your house, that you’re the one paying for my college, and that all the comfort I have here is because you pay for everything, so you can kind of do whatever you want. But this is my life.” 
You continued to put the things in the box and went to your room. You didn’t close the door because you knew Jeonghan would follow you. 
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with people knowing that I’m your brother.” 
You shook your head as you sat on the bed. He clearly didn’t understand, he never had, but he had always respected it. Apparently not anymore. 
“It’s not middle school anymore and you’re not 13 anymore. Just tell them all to go to hell,” he tried to reason, sitting in front of you. 
Jeonghan’s eyes were affectionate, without a hint of judgment. He just wanted to understand what was going on, because it was so important to you that people didn’t know.
“I didn’t change schools because girls were all over me because they wanted your number. I can’t say it didn’t affect my decision and it was the perfect excuse. But that wasn’t all.”
You didn’t know how to continue, didn’t know how to say everything without Jeonghan getting upset. Because you were sure he would.
“I didn’t want to be compared to you anymore.”
Your voice was almost a whisper and you didn’t dare look up, or in Jeonghan’s direction. You didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on his face, because you knew he would be disappointed. Not because you were feeling that way, but because you never told him anything.
“The teachers always talked about how smart you were, that despite sports you always got good grades. And I remember how you were back then, and you barely tried, but you were good at everything. I tried so hard and it was never enough.”
With each word that left your mouth, your voice got lower and weaker. When you said the words out loud, when they weren’t just cloistered in your mind anymore, they sounded almost pathetic. Jeonghan had never put any kind of pressure on you, quite the opposite. Your brother always made sure that you were you, an individual different from him.
All the ideas and traumas you had were not directly caused by Jeonghan but somehow had to do with him.
Jeonghan sighed loudly and leaned forward until he could hold your hand.
“Being good at school doesn’t mean anything, it’s just school. No one cares about it after a while.”
The laugh you let out was one of complete mockery. Jeonghan really had no idea what could be going through your head, the things that had happened and were still happening. Not that you blamed him for that, he had no way of knowing if you didn’t tell him what was going on, but part of you just wanted him to pay attention. If he paid attention, even the slightest bit, he would know.
The fact that he didn’t understand was painful.
If it were just the school teachers, it would be fine. Like he said, no one cares about school after a while. Do you know who cares about school, regardless of the moment? Parents. Parents who aren't necessarily bad, just parents who think that comparing one child to another is an excellent incentive. An incentive so good that they still do it.
Deep down you know that it's not out of malice, that it's not because they want to see you down, but it's an inevitable consequence. And, in a way, they were already so intrinsic in the conversations, little notes that didn't even seem like real comments, that you were sure that Jeonghan didn't even notice them.
"Okay," you said, just wanting to end the conversation. "I'll talk to both of them tomorrow, and apologize to Mingyu."
Jeonghan nodded, knowing full well that the conversation was over and that even if he pressed, he wouldn't be able to get anything else out of you.
"I have to leave early tomorrow," he said, "but if you want, can we have dinner together and talk about it?"
"I'll accept dinner, but I'll skip the talk."
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serafilms ¡ 6 months ago
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FIRST DATE, KINDA NERVOUS
part 2 of the golden quartet
art donaldson x reader, slight tashi duncan x reader, slight patrick zweig x reader
summary: the story of your first kiss with art donaldson in a hotel room, and your first date in a diner. cute, fluffy, healthy, a tiny bit suggestive but not really. group polyamory dynamics hinted at. (play: so high school by taylor swift). wc: 3.5k
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“What do you think?”
You shrugged. “They’re cute, they seem nice, and your backhand is like, a million times stronger than theirs, so I reckon you could take them in a fight.”
“What, you wouldn’t help?”
“Please. I’m too weak for that,” you said, shaking your wrist limply in Tashi’s face.
She rolled her eyes at you and pushed it out of the way. “Whatever, fine. We’re going.”
She ran her fingers through her hair. After showering, the straight hair from the party had disappeared, giving way to her natural waves. You always thought she looked prettier this way. Softer, somehow.
“Yay,” you said simply. “But just remember that my parents placed my safety and care in your hands, so if we get, like, murdered or something—”
“Oh, shut up,” Tashi groaned, a laugh bubbling out of her mouth, “you were just endorsing them.”
“Yeah, well. I’m indecisive.”
The smile that slowly spread across Tashi’s face told you all you needed to know. Ten seconds later you had grabbed and shrugged on your jacket and the two of you were climbing your way out of her bedroom window.
Now, you’re sitting on the floor of a hotel room, Tashi on your left and Art on your right, Patrick laying comfortably across from you, propped up by his elbows.
The beer in your hand is pretty shitty, which is a fact you find odd considering you can only assume it was either stolen from one of their parents, or paid for using a bribe, and in both of those cases, wouldn’t the beer be better?
But maybe that’s not what you should be focusing on right now, you think, as Patrick leans forwards to take it from your hand. His fingers brush yours as the can crosses over. For the last hour or so, the four of you have gone through eleven cans of beer, each consumed one at a time, being passed around like a bong.
Your eyes linger on the way Patrick’s mouth engulfs the opening of the can, right where yours had just been, and the way he passes it right to Tashi, who does the same as she takes a sip. The flush of heat in your face and belly are hard to ignore, and you’re not too sure how much of it can be attributed to the alcohol.
There’s a stutter in your chest as Art nudges you with his elbow. “So what are you planning on majoring in?”
His cheeks and ears also look flushed, but you think that might just be a consequence of the story Patrick told earlier. It was a sweet story; you assured the boy next to you of that when he’d buried his face in his hands, but he still seemed a little perturbed.
It was a sweet story though, you muse. Tashi said that they seemed like brothers, but you thought they seemed like they were an old married couple.
You’re brought back out of your thoughts as Tashi hands you the beer. “Oh, um. I’m not too set on anything yet, but I think maybe journalism.”
Patrick lets out a whistle. “What, not physiotherapy or sports medicine?”
You shrug, and before you can stop yourself, you say, “Just because I was a tennis player doesn’t mean it’s my whole personality.”
Immediately, you wince. Wrong place, wrong time. You steal a quick glance at Tashi, but she seems unaffected. Right. It’s Tashi. The last thing she feels is insecure. She simply looks at you.
But for good measure, you add, “I mean, I can still do sports news, or something.”
Against the better judgement of your burning stomach and your sluggish thoughts, you take another swig and then pass the can to Art.
“Journalism suits you,” he comments quietly as he takes it. You give him a small smile. He takes a small sip of the beer, and you can’t help but watch the way his Adam’s apple shifts when he swallows.
“I need some ice,” announces Tashi. She rises from her position on the floor.
Patrick wastes no time in scrambling up too. “I’ll come with!”
Tashi gives you a look like she’s exasperated, but you know better from the way she waits for Patrick to grab his key and open the door for her. She doesn’t look back as she walks out, but Patrick calls out a teasing, “See you guys later,” before the door closes fully.
When you turn your head towards Art, you see that he’s looking right at you.
“You sure do that a lot,” you mumble.
He smiles in a way that seems endeared and a little confused. “What?”
“Stare.”
“Sorry, I just—”
“No, no, it’s fine. It’s nice. I- I, uh.” Your thoughts are racing, everywhere and nowhere all at once, as you struggle to find the words. The way Art looks at you sends a buzz of something in your abdomen, and your mind becomes all the more scrambled. “I need to stand up.”
You stand quickly, maybe too quickly, and immediately stumble.
“Whoa, you okay?” Art’s quick to jump to his feet. His hands find their place on either side of your waist to steady you. Now you really can’t focus.
“Yeah,” you hear yourself say, “I think I should sit down instead.”
You’re very aware of the fact that his hand stays on your waist as you bumble over to the edge of the bed and take a seat.
There’s a pang of disappointment when his hand leaves your waist, and another when he stands unsurely in front of you. You pat the spot next to you.
“Sit. Please.”
He complies. Perched on the edge of the bed, hands in his lap, he’s much closer than when you were sitting on the floor together. You fiddle with your hands and steal glances at him every now and then.
“I wanted to ask you,” Art breaks the silence, “do you ever miss it?”
You don’t need to ask what he means by ‘it.’
There’s a moment where you gaze off, eyes wandering towards the door, before they return to the boy next to you and you shake your head.
“I don’t, not really.” You bite the inside of your cheek in thought. “It was fun for a while, and I liked being good at something, but I think I just fell out of love with it after a while. Like my whole life became just tennis, and thinking about a future in tennis. If I’m being honest, the injury was like a miracle to me.”
Art looks thoughtful at that. “What’s so wrong with a life of tennis?”
“Well. I mean, nothing, I guess. It just took a lot more time and effort than I would’ve liked. And there’s all the things I had to give up for it.”
He looks at you like he’s waiting for you to continue, so you do. “Cheeseburgers, sleeping in. Love.”
The bed dips closer to you as he shuffles a little closer. It prompts you to look back up at him.
The curls on his forehead hang low, just over his eyes. His hand rests just next to your thigh, and he rests his weight on it to lean just a bit closer. “You don’t think you can be in love and play tennis at the same time?”
Art’s presence has a magnetic effect on you. There’s a gravitational pull that has you angling your body towards him and moving ever so slightly closer to him.
“I don’t know. Do you?”
His eyes dart down to your lips. It’s an action that doesn’t go unnoticed by you, and you feel the corners of your mouth twitch upwards as you do the same. You can almost feel the warmth of his exhale as your faces draw closer and closer.
“Can I?” Art whispers.
“Please,” you respond.
His hand comes off the bed to rest on your cheek, and then he’s kissing you. It’s soft, gentle, but there’s an urgency in the way his tongue teases the entrance of your lips, and the way he moves even closer towards you, almost as if he’s chasing you.
Your hands find themselves at the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair. His other hand moves to rest on your waist. Then your thigh. You let out a hum as your stomach does a little leap. Then, he pulls away for a fraction of a second to take you in, before his lips are on yours again. It’s electric, when he tilts his head slightly to the other side, when the hand on your cheek slides down to your jaw to bring you closer, when you hear a low groan in the base of his throat as his hand slides to the inner part of your thigh.
Then you hear the key at the door, and you both jump apart.
Tashi has a cup of ice water in her hand when she surveys the scene in front of her.
Your bodies are still angled suspiciously towards each other and your hands both rest awkwardly in your laps. Little is left to the imagination. You can still feel the butterflies in your stomach and the racing of your heart when Patrick raises his eyebrows at the two of you, a grin on his face.
“So,” he begins, “what have you guys been up to?”
Art and you speak at the same time. “Oh, you know, nothing much.” “Just chilling.”
Tashi’s face is thoughtful, as she looks at you and her lips quirk up in a smile. She nods her head to the door behind her. “Well, it’s late. We should go.”
Your eyes dart back and forth between the three people in the room. Slowly, you stand, giving Art an awkward kind of smile as you brush past him.
“Wait,” Patrick exclaims, “can I get your phone number?”
She shrugs back at him, holding the door open. “Play some real tennis tomorrow, and then I’ll give you my number.”
“So like, if I win?”
“You don’t have to win to play well.”
You’re not sure where this leaves you and Art in the mix, but Tashi is looking at you expectantly from the doorway, and you fear you don’t have the time to decide now. With an apologetic look and a wave, you mutter, “See you guys,” and then you’re out the door.
In the end, Patrick does win. He gives a flourishing bow as Tashi shrugs and applauds him. She turns to whisper something in your ear, but the words make no contact with your thoughts. As Art looks dejectedly at his racket, then at his best friend across the court, you stand abruptly. Tashi looks at you, bewildered.
“I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, I was—”
Whatever her next words are, they die in her throat as she sighs and watches you thread your way through the stands and go down the stairs to the side of the court.
“Hey!” you call out. Art’s head perks up and his eyes search for the source of the sound until they land on you. He jogs to meet you.
“Hi.”
“Um,” you say, feeling suddenly like your foot has been shoved into your mouth, “you did really well.”
Art looks at you deadpan, but a smile starts to show in his eyes. “I lost.”
“Still, you were really good.” Your eyes glue themselves to the floor as you start to regret coming over so hastily without planning what to say.
“Well, thanks. Really. It means a lot coming from you.” Looking back up, you see him scratching the back of his head nervously. It’s an odd look, considering he’s also drenched in sweat, and his glistening skin makes him look even more nervous than he is. “Look, uh. I know we didn’t make a deal or anything, but do you think I could get your number?”
Maybe this wasn’t such a mistake. “Yeah, I think I could make that happen.”
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SIX WEEKS LATER.
God, you’re stressed right now. The hem of your top has fallen victim to your incessant fiddling as you tug at it, scrunch it up, release it and repeat.
“You’re acting like it’s your first date ever,” Tashi says, rolling her eyes. There’s a smile playing at her lips that tells you she isn’t trying to be as mean as she sounds.
“He’s cute, okay? I’m nervous.”
Tashi comes up behind you and you meet her eyes in the mirror. A shiver runs down your spine as she tugs at the collar of your jacket, knuckles brushing your neck in the process.
“You should take this off.”
“What? Why?” You stare at her reflection. “I know it’s still summer, but it’s nighttime, so­ like…” Her deadpan expression has you trailing off. “What?”
“You can wear his jacket instead.”
There’s a hollow silence as your mouth forms an ‘o’. Your fingers move to tug at the sleeves of the jacket, gaze averted from hers for a moment.
“You think he’ll offer?”
Another eye roll. “The guy’s like, obsessed with you. Of course he’ll offer. Doesn’t hurt to throw in a little shiver either.”
“What if he’s not wearing a jacket?”
“Oh, he’s wearing a jacket.” She waves her cell phone in your face. “Patrick texted me an update.”
You grin and shrug off the jacket as you turn to face her. “Who knew Tashi Duncan was such a sucker for clichés?”
“I’m just trying to make sure your date goes well,” Tashi scoffs as she snatches the jacket from your hands. “You’re the one who swoons every time you watch a romcom.”
She’s right about that one.
Tashi smacks her lips as she hangs your jacket back up in your closet. “I still don’t get why you’re so nervous. I thought we broke all the ice at the hotel.”
“Well, I can still be nervous. Just because you and Patrick had sex two weeks ago doesn’t mean I have to be as confident.”
She sighs because you’re right. Tonight is your first date. With Art. Not your first date ever. But you sure do feel nervous enough to pretend it is.
You and Art have been texting nonstop for the last six weeks, but between the odd part time jobs you’ve picked up over the summer and his tennis training, you haven’t had any time to hang out, unless your best friends who managed to squeeze in their first date, first time and first sleepover together all in one go. But Tashi and Patrick are much more go getter than you.
Tashi didn’t give you shit for your lack of fervour in pursuing whatever relationship you and Art had, but you still felt a little perturbed when she called you the day after her night with Patrick, and told you that he’d asked about you guys.
(“Does he not talk to Art about it?” you asked.
“He said Art’s happy, but he wanted to know how things were going on your end. Since you guys have only been texting.”)
So now you feel pressured. Like somehow your relationship is linked to Patrick and Tashi. Like they’re waiting for you guys to catch up.
But you don’t say any of that. Because you want things to go at your own pace, you keep quiet. Because you don’t want to speak it into existence, even if Tashi will roll her eyes and call you ridiculous for it because she knows your life is yours and hers is hers, despite the way she keeps trying to push you in certain directions.
When the doorbell inevitably rings, you and Tashi exchange looks. She gives you a nod. It’s more firm than comforting, like she’s sending you off to play at Wimbledon and she knows you’re going to win.
Your parents aren’t home for the next few days, which is why you strategically planned your date for tonight, because God forbid they use their last few weeks with you living under their roof to embarrass you in front of a guy. You almost expect Tashi to answer the door for you as if she’s your mother, but instead, she shoves your bag in your chest, says, “I’m using your shampoo and eating all your snacks,” and pushes you out of the bedroom door, then closes it.
One last check in the nearest reflective surface, and you’re ready.
Art is dressed casually, like you, in jeans and a polo. Tashi was right in saying that he would wear a jacket. In the light of your front porch, he looks especially gentle, the warm light threading through his hair like a halo.
The smile that lights up his face when you open the door has the potential to end your whole bloodline, you swear. The way your heart rate picks up feels like some kind of fight or flight response, but you’re willing to ignore it all for him.
“Hey,” he says. His voice has a comforting cadence, you think. It’s been six weeks since you’ve last heard it, since you were always too scared to call him. But it’s a sound like coming home.
“Hi,” you speak softly.
There’s a bouquet in his hands, which he holds out to you, one hand tucked in his jeans. “I brought these for you.”
You take them gingerly, trying to fight the grin that threatens to split your face in half. He’s so cute. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
You put them on the table just inside. Tashi will eventually make her way downstairs and put them in some water for you. Closing the door, you turn back to Art, who holds his hand out to you. It’s such a strangely innocent gesture that you almost catch yourself giggling like a schoolgirl.
“Shall we?”
You take it, grinning like a madman. “We shall.”
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“I never got to hear what you want to major in.” The fry in your hand is currently being waved around as though you’re conducting an orchestra.
“Oh. I don’t know,” Art averts his eyes to his plate. “I haven’t thought about it much.”
“I won’t judge,” you prompt gently.
He looks contemplative, and wets his bottom lip with his tongue briefly before looking up at you. “Okay.”
“Okay…” You gesture your fry towards him.
“You promise you won’t judge?” He asks, bobbing his head questioningly at you
You lean towards the table with your hand over your heart. “I swear it.”
“Physics. Or engineering.”
Sitting back in your seat, you survey him.
“That suits you,” you say genuinely. After you’ve said the words, you’re reminded all too well of the night in the hotel room again, and your cheeks warm.
“Thanks,” Art says, gazing at you. “Patrick says that too, before he calls me a loser.”
“I’m guessing you’re more studious than he is.”
“You’d be right.”
Another sip of your milkshake. “I think it’s cool. Maybe we’ll even have some classes together.”
Art smiles his eye-crinkling smile across the table. “Yeah, maybe we will.”
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You don’t even need to pretend to shiver. The second you’ve stepped out of the restaurant, Art’s jacket is slipped onto your shoulders. It’s warm, and smells faintly like sandalwood mixed with laundry detergent. You resist the urge to inhale the collar. Instead you smile shyly, and take his hand. There’s a knot forming in your chest at the thought of the night being over, but when the two of you reach his car, Art doesn’t take out his keys. He turns and leans against the side of his car, hand still entwined with your own.
“I had a lot of fun tonight,” he says simply.
Your lips quirk up in amusement. “So did I.”
He hums. Your hands are swung from side to side as he looks down at them. You can’t help the laugh that escapes you as you step closer.
“What are you thinking about?” you whisper. You know what he’s thinking about.
He looks down at you, and does a one shoulder shrug. “I’m thinking about how much I want to kiss you.”
Your heart stops and gets jumpstarted again in the span of about six milliseconds. God. You knew it was coming, but you still couldn’t prepare yourself.
“Not asking anymore, are we?” You grin, chest thumping like crazy.
“Oh, come on.” With a tug on your hand, you’re pulled flush against him, chest to chest.
Art leans in to your ear, and whispers as if divulging a well-kept secret. “May I please kiss you?”
The tickle of his breath over your jaw sends a zap of electricity through every single nerve in your body. Your breath hitches. “You may.”
You’re not sure you’ll ever get sick of Art Donaldson’s smile. The curve of his mouth as he leans in, brushing his nose to yours before your lips meet.
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Your computer pings.
Patrick Zweig sent you a friend request.
You raise an eyebrow and hit ‘accept.’
A minute later, there’s another notification.
Patrick Zweig wrote on your wall. “Congratulations on a successful first date with @Art Donaldson! 😘”.
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sxorpiomooon ¡ 4 months ago
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What does your older self wants to say to you? A pac reading<3
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Pile 1-
you need to let go, this is so funny to me given the pile that you guys have chosen has a tattoo of "amor fati" which literally means this. If you've chosen this pile you might have an anxious attachment and some of you need to go off a relationship that you are holding. A japanese song is playing in my head? Sometimes you only hold onto things very tightly because deep down you know that the moment you let go they are going to leave you. Your older self wants you to let go of such relations one particular scenario that I'm getting is of someone being in a toxic relationship being completely dependent on their significant others knowing that the other person might not choose to stay with them once they let go or once they are given the choice to do so. Stop being dependent on people and allow them and give them the space for them to leave you if they wish to do so the only way to understand how much they love is by giving them the space to leave then only you know that they truly do love you. The other people in this pile need to know that all relations require space and time for both individuals to grow individually too. Only when you have enough space and time to grow individually you can contribute something to the relation. Some of you might have ashlesha nakshatra. Also take care of yourself by yourself your older self really wants you to take care of your hair lmao I keep hearing "wash up wash up" I'm also seeing fishes for some reason those orange ones I don't know what they're called? You might love them now or definitely own them in the future. Your older self also wants you to know that the cycle ends with you. Breaking off from the generation trauma cycle seems to be a very important theme here. I see y'all are already very cool but are even cooler in the future man I'm not gonna lie I also keep hearing alt for some reason whether it's for songs or fashion but y'all are gonna be fucking cool in the future man. Be resilient I have full faith in you pile 1 do it for the super cool you. I also see this pile moving out of this house if they haven't alr I keep getting japan again and again but y'all gonna live a pretty great lifestyle also reminded of lucky from the blue sisters novel? Thankyou!!
Pile 2-
this pile might have the tendency to overreact at that exact moment when they are faced with a problem. Their emotions at times might make it hard for them to actually get a good grasp on the situation. Your older self wants you to learn to differentiate between illusion and intuition lmao. I also had a vision of someone journaling so I think the older self might want you guys to write it down before reacting or coming to a conclusion on any sort of situation. I also think that writing it down might make it easy or better for you to feel and understand your emotions better and the problem as well. This pile also needs to focus on their unconscious mind? If you are manifesting something you might have some biases already that you need to pay attention to. This pile might also easily interpret things and get confused. Your older self wants you to follow your heart I heard "it will lead you to the right path" and right after this "sometimes to run is the brave thing" played in my head from its time to go by Taylor swift. You need to act on whatever feelings you have some of you might write and be confused about whether it's good or not or some confusion related to it here's your answer- it is<3 go ahead and follow your heart pile two it will never lead you to the wrong path in the long end. I also heard "beauty and art is everywhere" this pile needs to follow their passion. Lord this is ending on such a good note. Your older self also wants you to know that you should not fear bc all your hardwork will pay off<3 all your hardwork and sacrifices will pay off and you'll get the success that you desire and want. This was also a pile that I chose and I needed to hear this<3
Pile 3-
The time or whatever you are going through will not be wasted. The journey is there to prepare you and give you the experiences that you need to get to the level that you want to achieve in your life. This pile might be going through some hard things. This pile also needs to know that you cannot force anyone to grow early or to change early or hurry up some process everything has its own time be patient a delay does not mean a no. This pile also needs to come face to face with their problems and fear only then they'll be able to move past it. "The only way out is through" "change is the only constant thing in life" "no one else can do it for you" are the things that I'm hearing. This pile knows what's needed to be done but might fear the unknown. A big transformation that is much needed is coming after that I see a wonderful new beginning for you<3
thankyou!!
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pretty-little-mind33 ¡ 4 months ago
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BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM!
(ft. aaron taylor johnson characters)
ask: Idk if you do headcanons like these and I don't quite know how to get my ask into words. So, fluff, and positions that reader is usually in with the boys that you write for. I don't mean sexual positions, or cuddling ones, or any specific, just positions.
warnings: briefly sexual (nothing major)
includes - in said order
~ James Potter - harry potter marauder's era (yes ik it's technically a fancast but 🥺 he's my baby)
~ Tangerine - bullet train
~ Dave Lizewski - kick-ass
~ Count Alexei Vronksy - anna karenina 2012
~ Tom Ryder - the fall guy
~ Pietro Maximoff - avengers: age of ultron
~ hope you like this! kinda turned into relationship headcanons with a theme! ~
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• James's love languages are a mix of physical touch and acts of service which means he always has his hands on you in some form or another!
• Holding your hand while you walk? Check. Having an arm around your shoulder when you're sitting on the couch? Check. Playing with your fingers/hair when he's bored in class? Check.
• Basically, he's a koala and you're his favorite tree.
• He walks with his hand in yours, your fingers intertwined (just holding them is for the weak) and he'll stroke his thumb on your palm.
• When he becomes agitated and can't sit still anymore, he'll bounce all around you and you physically cannot get him off you. It's times like those that means you aren't the little spoon anymore—he is.
• (Bonus points if you scratch his head while you spoon)
• James gives the best piggy-back rides. THE B E S T. He'll hold your hands in front of him, making you laugh as he runs around the common room (annoying everyone else) and then drops you on the couch. If you're laughing so hard you're crying his mission was successful.
• He loves when you lie against him. Not necessarily for cuddles but just when you're tired, or you're reading a book and he's being used as a prop lmao. He likes feeling useful!
• When he picks you up, he likes having you wrapped around him—your arms around his neck, his on your ass!
• Not in a sexual way but he likes leaning against your boobs and using one as an stress-ball if he can. He thinks your boobs/stomach are the best pillows ever.
• If he's still criss-cross, you'll always find yourself in his lap, playing with his fingers as he mumbles sweet nothings in your ear or just casually has a conversation with his friends.
• When James is talking to you, since he's taller than you (make him any height lmao canon don't matter—have your fun, babes), he'll hold your chin to help you look up at him. He tells you he can listen to you better if he focuses on you like this.
• It's bullshit but you don't care.
• You love wrapping your arms around his strong torso, feeling his muscles under your hands.
• Overall, James can NEVER take his hands off you. You're just his favorite girl!
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• Tough guy pretends he doesn't like physical touch—and yeah, most of the time he does hate it. He's kind of a germaphobe and a neat freak so having strangers touch him? He'd rather put a bullet through their skull.
• Only, you aren't a stranger. You're his partner—his lover.
• Tangerine's favorite place where he holds you is around your waist, griping lightly onto whatever you're dressed in and squeezes your flesh. As in to say I'm here, I'll always be here for you.
• His love language is 100% quality time and acts of service. He loves being around you. He likes touching you in small ways, like resting his chin on your shoulder when you cook, or holding your hand in public and overwhelming situations (like in a bus, or a plane, or even walking in a crowded street).
• He's silly and overprotective like that 🤭
• When you're at dinners with friends, he'll always sit next to you. Always. He's facing the door in case something happens, his hand lightly touching your thigh as the conversation continues.
• Big spoon!! His hand gently resting on your stomach, his lips near your ear as he snores only gently. The blankets are a mess all tangled around you both.
• Random but Tangerine 100% likes his room cold!! So, the more blankets the more he's warm and toasty and he can snuggle you!
• He likes picking you up bridal style. 1. So he's all cute and like a handsome prince saving the princess (which makes you swat him over the head because ew) and 2. simply to display his own strength lmao.
• You guys will play-fight often. It's not even training—even though it's disguised as training—it's just him chasing you around the house and attacking you with tickles, smooches, and love-bites!
• He doesn't give you piggy-back rides necessarily—instead, it's more like during those play-fighting times you'll jump on his back and hold an arm around his neck while you laugh.
• Tangerine isn't phased and will often simply shrug you off him and send you a glare (hiding a smirk).
• You like trimming his facial hair while you sit on his lap. He's sitting on the toilet seat, a bowl of hot water on the sink beside him and he has you on his lap, carefully holding his face in your hands as you shave him/trim him and use the water to wipe the shaving cream away.
• Constantly pretends to dislike your attention in a joking way, but genuinely loves when you shower him with love! He's love starved fr.
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• Dave is similar to James in the sense that he loves touching you whenever he's around you. He loves nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck and leaving little kisses.
• He likes having his hand in yours when you walk around, or even if you're sitting and doing something—like watching a movie!
• His favorite position to be in when you're on the couch watching a movie is him sitting normally and you're tucked into his side, leaning on him. Poor lil dude sometimes forgets to watch the movie he's so enamored by you.
• When you're out grocery shopping, you like to stand on the cart with his arms around you from behind as he pushes the cart (if that makes sense! it's very cartoon-esque if you know what I mean) and he likes making funny impressions in your ear as you're pushed around the store.
• Dave likes making you laugh! Which means sometimes he settles for stupid jokes, but other times he gets into tickles you mercilessly when you're cuddling in bed. It's so bad you almost piss yourself and you have to push him off you.
• You retaliate—of course—almost breaking his glasses as he flops around the bed too much!
• Dave plays video-games, I feel like that's obvious and he likes when either you hang around him when he's playing or if you like sit in his lap and do your own thing, or watch along with him!
• Sometimes, he'll even let you eat his headphones so you can listen along and "play".
• If you're good at video games, you often take over hard levels for him and he doesn't at all feel threatened! Or maybe only once when Todd and Matry tease him about it but otherwise he likes that you're good at the games he isn't good at!
• Dave lets you try on his kick-ass mask! Which you find super fun and you have a blast, taking loads of cute selfies which you obviously can't show anyone!
• You make fun of him bc his mask is ugly (sorry 😃) but in a loving way because he pulls it off.
• Dave 🤝 peppering kisses all over you!
• Holds your bags for you (school, shopping, any bag) and he knows the side-walk rule! He also does that thing where if you bend over and there is something sharp, he's put his hand over the sharp corner (sometimes even subconsciously)
• DAVE LIZEWSKI IS SOO BOYFRIEND CORE 💞
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• Alexei is obviously more formal given the time period and his social status. He grew up rich and well-educated, and he's a cavalry officer meaning he's well-trained in discipline! Which means, he's not a very obviously affectionate person in public!
• In other words—no PDA 🙂
• In public, he'll have his hand resting behind your back, he'll keep you close to him and he'll save all his dances with you but nothing more.
• In private? Oh, he's very affectionate.
• Neck and cheek kisses galore! Whenever he walks by you, he'll spin you around and then press a chaste kiss on your lips—complimenting you on your dress/hair.
• Sits close to you at dinners and he holds your hand under the table, stroking your thumb. It's intimate and private so he loves doing this!
• Alexei helps the maids with your corset and everything if he’s ready before you and he loves watching you put on your makeup and your jewelry. He finds it fascinating and he'll just sit on the bed and talk to you where your maids help you.
• Obviously, he loves going riding with Frou-Frou! He gifted you a horse so you could learn how to ride and you guys can go on picnics and ride around fields all cute 🥰
• While you have your own horse, he still wants you sitting in front of him on Frou-Frou most of the time, your back pressed to his chest as he takes control.
• Very very much into taking control on the relationship.
• He likes to dance with you! You'll have little dancing sessions in the parlor room and it's very very fun!
• Lights cigarettes for you! (like that scene in the movie, yk the one! I'm salivating!)
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• OKAY TOM RYDER L O V E S TEASING.
• It's basically his love language! He's very much like a school boy who pulls girls hair in the playground because they like them…so immature at times 😀
• Still, he has his mature moments!
• Tom really likes having his arm around your waist, his palm flat on your stomach—claiming—as in saying you're his and only his.
• Say you're in a conversation with someone and Tom is around? Boom, he's by your side in seconds and he's holding you possessively. Fake smiles all around (yes, he's jealous)
• Tom likes taking you to his favorite restaurants (bonus points if it's fancy and he can see you all dressed up!) He'll pull out your chair and all that! Very gentlemanly when he wants to be!
• He likes laying his head on your lap when you're at home watching a movie or something. It's completely innocent and he especially loves when you play with his hair!
• You like to shower together—no further elaborations 🤫
• Back to the teasing—that means whenever he sees you on set, he'll make small comments or slap your ass and whistle. It can be seen as kinda hostile but you know he means well and you just flip him off if it really bothers you.
• Tom likes to assert his dominance, which means he'll do the thing if you're in the kitchen and he needs to walk by you, he'll lift you by your waist and manhandle you any way he wants.
• MANHANDLING IS HIS THING 😏
• Hand holding but it's his arm across your shoulder as you hold his hand. He likes doing this when you're walking around because he can be close to you!
• If you're a yapper, he'll always listen but he'll also get distracted so he does the humming thing and that's when you know you've lost him.
• You swat him on the back of the head if he's acting too dumb—which prompts him to chase you around and punish you with a thousand little kisses.
• Secretly a dork that acts all cool and shit 🙄
• Very sexual lmao. Horn-dog. Can making anything that isn't sexual—sexual. He'll grind against you unprompted and also pretend to fuck you from behind if ever you bend over!
• Big boob and ass guy so when he's cuddling with you, he'll need to hold onto one of the two or he'll whine like a child.
• "What? I'm just a guy, babe. I see 'em, I want 'em," is his favorite excuse 💞
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• Pietro is hyper active and that means he loves doing active things with you: like running, or swimming, or any kind of sports.
• Super spontaneous so he'll just come home with a trip to go rock-climbing randomly and you're just 😀 huh, what?!
• Obviously because of his super-speed he loves to pick you up and have you in his arms while he runs. You guys can basically run everywhere lmao.
• Pietro likes when you dote on him when he's tired from running! He really likes when you play with his hair and make sure he stays hydrated because of all the exercise he inevitably does!
• He's BIG on being cared for 🤭 like treating his wounds after a mission!? He'll stay extremely still for that and grin so hard when you take care of him.
• BIG HUGGER! Fully wraps his entire arms around you like a teddy bear and kisses your neck!
• He's a competitive guy so he likes making up competitions with you. Who can eat more cherries in under a minutes? Who can find the weirdest looking plant in the store? Who can run faster to the pole (this one is plainly unfair) either way he finds random little games he likes to play with you.
• I think he's the little spoon 😌 he likes being cuddled.
• You both tease each other. DEF you're a prank couple (in the cute way not the psychotic youtuber way)!
• He's a jokester so making you laugh is his favorite pastime and his one goal.
• Bonus points if you snort out your water/drink if you do laugh. He likes seeing how embarrassed you become and it makes him want to kiss you even more!
• Very boyfriend core even if slightly immature
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fawnhunter ¡ 3 months ago
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cregan stark aka mr attitude adjustment.
sometimes cregan needs to check himself, and make sure ur good too
this is part of a series which at the moment also includes benjicot blackwood. if there's anyone you'd like to see done next please let me know! general NSFW content warning, talk of impregnation.
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lalala cregan stark lalala tom taylor...can i just preface this by saying he causes the ultimate brain rot. i look at him and my brain just goes " big man in pelts and amour big man in pelts and-" anyway!
to me cregan stark is the physical embodiment of non sexual dominance. i mean we all know how well the men of the north treat their women, like they are queens even if they wear the crown or not. and being with the lord of winterfell himself only makes things better. He walks into a room and he demands control and attention, and when people see you his pretty little wife hanging off his arm it only makes him feel that much more powerful.
back to the n.s.d thing, lets just says he's a natural "father" figure. i can see him falling for someone who needs some... light correcting... are u following me. finding love with someone who may be a bit mouthy. who isn't afraid to look him in the face and disagree with him, to offer a different opinion from the other daft cunts int he room. someone who will watch him train, who will watch him knock new coming knights onto the ground without flinching away.
i just think he would find excitement in someone with a little fight in them. someone he can back into a corner with his body mass alone, looking down his nose at you no matter how much to try to stand tall in front of him. staring you down into submission until you don't have a peep left in you, giving him the talking space to tell you how exactly things are going to go from here on out. [nsfw]
its hard to imagine actual angry sex with cregan, a man made of honor like that would never try and apologize with his cock before he does so with his words. however, i can imagine jealous, possessive, and passionate sex with cregan after his honor towards you has been tested. maybe someone eludes to you having an hard time producing heirs, suggesting someone else. or maybe they have the audacity to marry you off or send you away for some sort of gain for winterfell. all of a sudden there's knocking on ur chamber doors, and ur being pushed into ur room instead of opening the door properly.
from there the evening existed entirely of hot and heavy breathing accompanied by his harsh grip moving along ur skin. he touches you with purpose, like he's trying to leave some sort of trace of him on ur skin. teeth biting into ur neck, the feeling similar to that of a wolfs fangs leaving bruises on ur skin after a harsh nip. if it was up to him he would've torn ur shift away from ur body and throw it into the fire, leaving you bare before his eyes for the rest of time. his war torn hands run up along whatever parts of you he can reach. his touches are desperate in the way he pushes you into the chaise, in way too much of a hurry to move both of you to the bed it seems. fingers prepping ur sweet cunt while muttering words of owners ship and adoration into ur neck. his hair tickles ur skin as you begin to claw at the part of him you can. its clumsy and desperate, the kind of intercourse where you know there's something he's trying to get off his chest but he just doesn't have the words to say it. its when he finally sheathes himself inside of you that he tells you all about the lords who dared to speak of you to his face. heavy girth pumping in and out of you while his voice gets louder and louder, crying out ur name over the sounds of lilted moans. making sure all the lords and ladies down the hall know that you won't be going anywhere. especially away from him.
this is my first work for cregan i love him so much that wolf of a man. my ask box is always open tbh i love to yap especially abt hotd
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yooniivrse ¡ 9 days ago
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uh oh, i'm falling in love | myg
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summary. the night that yoongi realises you might be a lot more than just a close friend to his heart.
pairing: yoongi x reader
genre: fluff, best friends to ??, one sided love? (up to reader's interpretation)
word count: 1.5k
warnings: none <333
notes: this was a request from my love, @perfectlyoongi-main. you can find the ask for this oneshot here. listening to labyrinth by taylor swift on repeat while writing this definitely made me feel very very single, but i loved writing this sm. as always, likes, comments, reblogs, asks and feedback is so so appreciated!! i hope you guys enjoy <333
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main masterlist
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You stop in front of the small, old-fashioned photo booth, hands on your hips as you look it over with mild scepticism.
It’s a flimsy structure tucked in a quiet corner of the mall, slightly worn down with chipped paint and a fading sign hanging above it. It’s the kind of booth that hasn’t been updated in years, where the pictures are low-quality and slightly off-colour, but you look at it with the excitement of someone who’s just discovered a hidden gem.
“I don’t think we’ll both fit inside,” you muse, tilting your head as if a different angle might magically increase its size.
Yoongi stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his dark denim jacket, eyeing the booth with a barely hidden look of reluctance.
If he's being honest, he’d much rather be back home with you, watching movies in the comfort of his living room, eating pizza, and letting the night pass by as it usually does. It’s how he’s spent his birthdays for the past three years since meeting you, a quiet tradition he’d grown to look forward to. But this year, you’d insisted he get out of the house, brimming with excitement at the idea of taking him somewhere, refusing to tell him what you had planned.
And even though he could’ve turned you down, Yoongi knew he wouldn’t. Not with the way your face lit up when he agreed, that joyful glint in your eyes that made his heart beat just a little faster.
“Maybe we should just do this somewhere else,” he suggests, already eyeing the dim mall corridor as an escape route. “There’s no way we’re both fitting inside unless you sit on my lap or something.”
He means it as a joke, but the moment the words leave his mouth, he realises the weight they carry. His heart skips a beat as you turn to him with that playful smile he knows so well, eyes sparkling with a mix of determination and mischief.
“I don’t think—”
“Oh, come on! It’s your birthday,” you say, nudging him with your elbow. “And we’ve been best friends for long enough that it won’t be weird.”
Yoongi opens his mouth to respond, but the words seem to disappear before they can reach his lips. The suggestion should feel casual, even funny, but there’s a strange tension that settles in his chest, stopping him from brushing it off like he usually would. It’s the same tension that’s been creeping up more often these days, the one that leaves him feeling almost breathless whenever he’s around you.
“Unless,” you add with a sly smile, your expression feigning innocence, “you’d rather sit on my lap?”
He chuckles, the sound more nervous than he intended. “Fine. Whatever,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. But as he steps forward, he feels a strange warmth creeping into his cheeks, something uncomfortably close to anticipation.
You squeeze into the booth first, settling onto the small, tacky leather stool with a satisfied grin. You pat your lap playfully, but Yoongi only shakes his head, stepping into the cramped space behind you.
His heart thrums erratically as he settles onto the stool, his knees brushing against yours as he wraps his arms loosely around your waist, pulling you just close enough that you both fit within the booth’s limited space. You lean back against him, so naturally that he wonders if you can feel the way his heart races at the contact.
“See?” you say, glancing back at him with a grin. “This isn’t so bad.”
The camera’s light starts blinking, giving a brief warning before the first picture snaps. You immediately turn to him, nudging his cheek to bring him closer, and in the tight space, it’s all he can do to keep his balance as he leans in, resting his chin on your shoulder.
“Smile!” you chirp just as the flash goes off.
The light catches him off guard, and he blinks, momentarily dazed by the brightness. He hears you laughing softly, your shoulders shaking against him, and he’s hit with a wave of warmth, one that spreads through him as he watches you, momentarily forgetting about the camera entirely.
With a slight grin, you shift in his lap, angling the two of you for another shot as the timer counts down again.
You’re so close he can feel the faint trace of your perfume, the warmth of your skin, the rhythm of your breathing as it syncs with his. And for some reason, the thought of being this close to you—closer than he ever thought he’d be—stirs something unexpected within him.
Another flash, capturing you mid-laugh, oblivious to the storm of emotions brewing within him.
As the countdown begins again, you glance back, your gaze meeting his, and Yoongi feels himself freeze. There’s a hint of something in your eyes—an invitation, perhaps, or maybe a question—that makes his heart race all over again.
His eyes drift to your smile, the soft curve of your lips, the brightness of your gaze, and he can’t ignore the way his own heartbeat echoes in his ears, loud enough that he’s sure you can hear it too.
The timer clicks down to the next flash, and he forces a smile for the camera, though his mind is elsewhere entirely. He’s trying to make sense of the strange rush of feelings flooding through him, feelings that have been building up slowly, subtly, over time.
The booth is quiet now, the only sound the soft hum of machinery and your shared breaths. You tilt your head slightly, resting it against his shoulder, and his entire world narrows down to this single moment. Yoongi feels his arms tightening around you, an instinctual gesture that’s both protective and vulnerable.
The timer clicks down to one last shot. "Alright, funny face!" you call out, pulling an exaggerated grin, and he chuckles, trying to shake off the gravity of his own emotions as he mirrors your expression. The flash captures the both of you, frozen in a moment of joy.
As the final picture fades, you stay in his arms a beat longer than necessary, and the realisation hits him like a tidal wave, too strong to ignore. This isn’t just friendship, he thinks, feeling a pang of something so overwhelming that it borders on painful. Somewhere along the line, he’s fallen in love with you, and he doesn’t know if there’s a way back.
But you’re oblivious, still laughing as you climb off his lap, crouching down to grab the strip of photos as they print out. “Look at this!” you say, waving them in front of his face. “I'm definitely hanging these up on my fridge.”
He blinks, his gaze lingering on you as you sort through the photos, laughing at the silly faces, the close-ups of your laughter, and his slightly dazed expressions. You’re so focused on the photos that you don’t notice the way he’s looking at you now, eyes soft with something deeper, something he can no longer deny.
“See, I told you that it'd be fun.” You glance up, still beaming, and he forces himself to nod, plastering a smile over the vulnerability he feels beneath the surface.
“Yeah,” he says quietly, his voice almost lost in the small space. “I guess it was.”
But even as he smiles, the weight of his realisation settles heavily in his chest, pressing down on him with a strange mixture of longing and fear.
He wonders if he’ll ever find the courage to tell you, or if he’ll spend his days hiding this quiet, aching love, content to stay by your side as a friend, the way he’s always been.
You turn to him, still laughing over one of the photos. “Hey,” you say softly, a note of seriousness creeping into your voice. “Thanks for tonight. I know this isn’t your usual birthday thing, but… it means a lot.”
And for a brief moment, he thinks about telling you everything. He thinks about confessing, about admitting that the thought of spending his life without you, without these small moments of joy and laughter, terrifies him more than anything else. But the words catch in his throat, stuck beneath the weight of a love he’s too afraid to speak out loud.
“Anytime,” he finally says, his voice a whisper, barely audible above the hum of the booth.
You look at him for a moment longer, a soft smile playing on your lips before you hand him one of the strips of photos. As you walk out of the booth, he follows behind you, trying to ignore the ache in his chest, the quiet, unspoken confession that lingers in the space between you.
Maybe one day, he'll find the courage to tell you how he feels; maybe one day, he'll get to be more than just your friend.
But until then, his love will stay hidden in the attic of his thoughts, known only to him.
And for now, that's enough.
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lovebugism ¡ 1 year ago
Note
Random conversations with rockstar eddie while high that obviously lead to something dirty 👀
ty for requesting :D — eddie asks you who you'd most want to have a threesome with and confessions are shared (band!au, established relationship, mentions of weed and smut 18+, 1.2k)
fictober (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)
It started out all cute, in your defense. 
The tour bus was parked in Colorado for the next couple of nights, and the mountains and trees were aflame with a very distinct golden color. You and Eddie chose to bask in the orange while the rest of the band spent the evening in the hotel.
Your night alone was an innocent one — despite the cheeky taunts and whistles from the rest of Corroded Coffin. Squished together in your bunk, the two of you got high and proceeded to talk about everything and nothing all at once. 
You share one pillow, noses mere inches apart, just barely fitting together on the small mattress. The skunky smell of weed and Eddie’s musky cologne is all-consuming, suffocating in the best way. 
Your poorly concealed giggles fill the silence of the bus as you press your palm against Eddie’s pale one, comparing the size difference between the two. It shouldn’t amuse you as much as it does.
“Would you still love me if Roger Taylor asked you out?” Eddie blurts, growing suddenly serious about the question that only just popped into his mind. 
He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. He thought it, and the words just sorta spilled from his mouth.
Your brows pinch at the sudden question, though there’s still a small smile on your face. You can’t be sure where he’s coming from — if it’s the weed or if he remembers the one time you very drunkenly confessed to having a decade-long obsession with the blonde-haired drummer in your girlhood.
“What?” you wonder, still giggling.
“I mean, like, if he showed up to one of our shows and asked you out, would you say yes?”
You ponder the question. For a few seconds too long, maybe. Mostly because it takes you a little while to understand him through the brain fog.
“Well… no,” you answer finally, voice wavering as your eyes flit to the darkened ceiling.
“No?”
“No,” you repeat, more firmly this time. Your gaze returns to his chocolate one, made a darker shade from the black night — they sparkle, still. A grin blooms on your face. “But I think if you really loved me, you’d let me fuck him. Just one time.”
You’re obviously kidding. It’s just a stupid joke made more evident by the dumb, lopsided smile on your face and the pointer finger you hold up to your nose.
Eddie knows this, and he’s sporting his own rosy grin accordingly. A fleeting thought sears his brain. It bubbles up in his throat and tumbles out before he can stop it.
“Only if I get to watch,” he retorts, all boyish and quiet. 
It’s hard to tell if he’s joking or not. But then again, it usually is. You decide to toe the line, anyway. “Really?” you hum, shifting on the mattress to face him more intently.
The boy shrugs while you smooth ornery curls from his temple. “Yeah. You’re hot. He’s hot. One plus one equals two… Or whatever that expression is.”
“Fair,” you concede, laughing still.
“Alright. Your turn.”
“My turn?”
“Mhmm,” he nods sloppily against the pillow. “Who would you wanna have a threesome with? Like, in a different universe or whatever, ‘cause I don’t think I’m strong enough to share you in real life.”
Again, you giggle. You can’t seem to stop, apparently. You answer quicker than either of you expect.
“Umm… Maybe Nancy,” you answer with a strange sort of nonchalance. “She’s hot… And also she looks like she slaps really hard.”
Eddie’s brain goes blank. And not from the weed this time.
He knew Nancy. Vaguely. Mostly from you. She’s your old friend from high school that you reconnect with every couple of months. You don’t talk crazy often — ‘cause life is too busy for an up-and-coming rockstar and Indiana’s best journalist — but the connection is never truly lost.
And it’s not just that you chose Nancy without having to think about it very hard. He just wasn’t expecting it to be someone you knew in real life. Someone so tangible. That Roger Taylor scenario would only ever happen in wet dreams — his, namely — but Nancy Wheeler? That could be arranged.
The thought alone has him reeling.
You watch him get in his head about the whole thing, though maybe the faraway look in his eyes is just from the weed.
“Well?” you press with an urging lilt and a girlish grin. “You’re turn, Eds. Don’t leave me hangin’ here.”
He goes quiet, which is very unlike your loudmouth boy. He thinks before he speaks, measures his reply before he answers. His absentminded fingers trace up and down the length of your arm all the while, leaving prickling goosebumps in their wake.
“What about Steve?” he wonders with a painfully nonchalant inflection.
Your face screws up instantaneously. You don’t mean to act as shocked as you do, but you can’t help it. “Steve?” you blurt, louder than you meant to. “Like… Steve Steve?”
As in your ex-boyfriend Steve.
As in one of his best friends Steve.
As in roommate Steve the couple weeks out of the year you two aren’t on the road.
It makes your head spin something fierce.
“There another Steve I don’t know about?” Eddie jokes.
Brows still pinched and face still twisted, you question, “So you wanna… fuck Steve? Like, Steve The Hair Harrington?”
“You did,” the boy shrugs, then fakes a soft pout. “Sometimes I feel left out…”
You press your palm to his chest, pushing him playfully away. His arm curls around your back to pull you close again. The proximity is lesser now, so much so that the tips of your nose brush together and your skunky breaths entwine.
It all feels so much heavier now. The intensity of the moment makes you fight back a shiver crawling up your spine. Eddie’s palm smooths up and down the length of it in a slow and measured rhythm. It does little to ease your breathlessness.
“I don’t know. I just think it could be fun,” the boy concludes with a sudden seriousness. His voice is as low as his eyelids. “And I think it’d be real hot to watch him fuck you… ‘Cause we both know he can’t make you cum like I can. Can he, doll?”
Your thighs clench together instinctually, as though to quell the sudden ache pounding between them. You nod slowly, wordlessly.
Eddie’s rosy lips quirk in a cheeky half-smile at your honeyed reaction. He continues — half because the high has loosened his tongue and half because he wants to see how flustered he can make you.
“And then he can watch you fall apart on my dick after, yeah?” he questions like you’re in any space to answer him. “Maybe I can give him a few pointers… Teach him how to fuck you properly, you know?”
The distant ache between your thighs has grown to a full bloom now. It’s a little embarrassing how effortlessly he can drive you crazy — how quickly he can make you drench your panties. You might’ve been a little shameful about it if you couldn’t feel his cock stiffening against your hip.
“Fuck, Eds…” you sigh, the words tumbling from your mouth without thinking. 
With parted lips, you drift towards the boy and his unkissed mouth. He juts his chin slightly backward, only lets your plush bottom lips graze together. You don’t know why he’s teasing you. You’re already a puddle at his feet.
With a smirk and an all-consuming touch along your spine, he makes a quiet promise. “And maybe, if you’re real good, you can watch me fuck him, too…”
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prongsiepotter ¡ 6 months ago
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down bad | j. potter
summary: you're so in love with james potter but he's a little too good at giving you mixed signals that it might actually ruin you
pairing: james potter x reader
warnings: angst, a little fluff if u squint, and so much longing & yearning. omg so much of it
a/n: i am unfortunately completely obsessed with taylor swift's new album, so everything i'll write in the near future will be based on one of the ttpd songs (yey!) & this one's based on 'down bad.' feel free to send requests if u want pick the next song for me x
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"So he just said no?" Mary all but hisses. Marlene shushes her, glancing around the classroom before leaning down from where she's sitting on your desk.
"Are you sure it didn't mean something else?" She rests her hand on yours. "Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. He wouldn't…he just wouldn't, right?" You smile weakly at her, then shake your head. She squeezes your hand.
"The note was pretty clear," you say with a soft sigh. The sentence rolls off your tongue with unhidden bitterness. "Sorry, can't. Need to catch up on some assignments."
You would show it to them, so they could see for themselves and maybe divert their sympathetic gazes from you. But you had set it on fire right after reading it, just like the other two notes friendly rejecting you. You still aren't sure why you did it. After all, you did just tell Mary and Marlene that you're fine. At least you will be. You should not be this devastated over some guy.
Even if that guy is James Potter.
James who is now strolling into the room with his mates, looking as invincible and full of life as he always has and always will.
Quickly, you force a smile at the girls and pull out the chair next to you. Marlene, bless her, gets the hint and lightly shoves Mary's shoulder to have her take the seat. You're going through your book bag, pulling out your inkwell when four bodies make their way past your desk.
"Ladies," comes Sirius cheerfully loud voice as he bows at the waist because, of course, he does. Peter and Remus aren't as dramatic with their greetings. The latter, however, does take the time to slow down in front of you until you look up and return his kind smile. Belatedly, you realise perhaps you shouldn't have done that. You lock eyes with James, who's right behind him.
He sends you an easy smile and a wink. Like he's letting you in on another one of his rare secrets. You're not sure if you're smiling back, but it's almost a given that you are.
He takes his seat behind you, laughing blithely at a joke Pete just told, and it's all so painfully charming that you want to die. You fear he will always make you feel like this. Like you're somehow the chosen one. It's such a sickening feeling, you can't help but whip around and look at Mary, pleadingly. Though, you're not sure what you're pleading for anymore.
She shoots you another unbearably sympathetic smile, looking like she's close to cooing at you. You sigh, hiding your face in the crook of your arms.
You can't help but think how easy it would be to just cry right here. It's embarrassing to admit, but you've done it plenty of times over the weekend after you had seen James out at Hogsmeade with the others. Miserably, you had realised that he was, in fact, not too busy working on his assignments. He just didn't want to spend time with you.
You almost let out a sob.
A hand rubs your back and you know it can only be Mary, but you let yourself believe that it's the universe consoling you, as if to say there, there because there's nothing fair about this and she knows it, but there's nothing she can do it about now, can she?
History of Magic passes in a blur. Before you know it, you're in the library, pouring all of yourself into an essay that you normally couldn't have cared less for. But you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep yourself busy. You know your thoughts will stray the moment you're lying quietly in bed anyway, awaiting another sleepless night.
You finish the sentence and look up, satisfied with your work. Apparently it's been a while since you've torn your gaze away from the parchment before you, seeing how stiff your neck is. You knead at the uncomfortable knot in your shoulder while looking around the library. It's relatively full today with every other seat being taken.
Which makes it all the more irritating when your gaze snatches on a figure sat at the other table right across from you. He's not even looking up, head bent over a book, but you would recognise that mop of unruly dark curls anywhere. James must've seen you when he came in, but that might have just been your hopeful self speaking.
Begrudgingly, you resume your writing and it takes everything in you not to look up every few minutes. To glimpse the slight furrow in his brows and the small pout of his lips as he's carefully reading every paragraph. You know he's likely looking for something to prepare for a prank. Normally, you would simply go over and ask him what he's up to. You know he'd happily tell you. But you're glad to have at least a little bit of pride and dignity left that keeps you rooted in your spot.
Seemingly not enough though since all you can think about is that there's no way he doesn't know that you're right there. It really does make you want to bang your head against the table. Maybe that would finally catch James' attention.
Pathetically, you glance at him only to notice that he's packing his things to leave. The tip of your feather goes back to the parchment so fast, it almost pierces it. You haven't got a clue what you're writing, too busy tracking James' movements from the corner of your eyes.
You watch him stand up, walking down the length of his table towards the door down the hall on his right. Then he stops. You hold your breath. James seemingly hesitates before fixing the strap of his bag on his shoulder. He turns left and walks towards you. You're staring at your hand as it writes illegible words, completely out of your control, when you feel a tap on your shoulder.
"Hey," James whispers when you look up, giving you a familiar grin and small wave. It's an innocent gesture, sweet, but there's almost something hostile about this encounter. Like you have no choice but to let him occupy every single one of your senses. You stare up at him, a matching smile sweeping over your lips before you can think better of it.
That's when you notice the scarf he's wearing and its frizzled ends. It's yours. You know it is.
Did he not give it back to you after one of your nights out together on the stands? After you had flown on your brooms, so close to the sea of stars that you could've dipped your fingertips in them? You could almost hear the echoes of your windblown laughters as the memory pushes itself into the foreground of your mind.
James is sitting still, rosy-cheeked, watching you with curious eyes while you babble on about the Leo constellation. He had just told you that you could do whatever you want to him—another quite maddening thing to casually say to someone—and now he's apparently keen on staying true to his word by letting you wrap your scarf around his neck.
It took some convincing before he'd finally accepted it from you. You promised that you wouldn't be cold with your high collared sweater, but James only gave in when you had accepted his wool hat in exchange.
He had carefully put it on you, smoothing down your hair and pulling out some loose strands to frame your face, mumbling something about how much lovelier his hat looked on you than on him. You told yourself that he surely must've known what it did to you when his knuckles brushed your cheeks. Right? Surely.
James pokes your side, chuckling, as if he sensed that your mind was drifting elsewhere. He cracks another joke, saying that if you were the one to teach him Astronomy, he might actually pay attention in class. He says it like it's a deal and you feel inclined to do whatever it takes to hold up your side of the bargain.
You laugh helplessly, feeling drunk on a little bit of everything; the stars above, James' gentle laughter, the familiar smell of broom wax and crisp winter air. This must be cosmic love, you think to yourself. Your breath clouds in front of you, becoming one with his. All the while, you're too aware of James' shoulder bumping into you, his leg pressed against yours. There's no one out here but you two.
You have all the room in the world, but James chose to sit this close to you. Probably close enough for him to hear your heart pounding. Did he do it for a reason? You'd love to know.
"You don't need me to pay attention in Astronomy," you find yourself saying in response, something daring laced in the drawl of your voice. His eyes flash, bright and a bit wild. It's the same look he gets after you challenge him to a race on your brooms. His grin grows wide, carefree, and oh so lovely.
"Please." His face comes impossibly closer and you lean in without another thought, eager to take whatever it is James will give you. You feel his breath on your lips.
"I will always need you, Y/N."
Somehow he makes it sound genuine.
Then he winks and leaves you a horrid, forsaken mess. Somehow he makes that feel like a nice gesture too.
Incredulously, you stare at him as he leans back, elbows resting on the seats behind him. James Potter, you think weakly, what are you doing to me? Not for the first time you ponder what you would do if you can't have him. You almost double over from the striking pain in your chest.
Then he points out another constellation and you nearly forget all about yourself. He's good at that. Never ceasing to show you that the world is bigger than the two of you. Making you forget and remember that you might be in love. Because what if you were in love?
James cups the back of his neck, then points towards the door of the library, almost shyly letting you know that he's leaving. You nod slowly, still dazed. A small smile crosses his lips before you watch him round the corner, his back disappearing from your sight.
You blink, letting out a ragged breath. You feel like you got the wind knocked out of you. Like you just lost your twin. Someone who knows you like no one else ever will. Someone who might just be your better half. Someone who sometimes makes you feel like they want nothing to do with you.
It's ridiculous, you think bleakly to yourself, you're so down bad.
And James Potter makes it feel like a curse and a blessing.
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denwritesandcries ¡ 9 months ago
Text
The Wilderness Wants Us To (Kiss) – YJS
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Pairing: poly!yellowjackets x fem!reader
Summary: You have experienced all kinds of weirdness ever since the plane crashed months ago, so why the weirdest thing so far is it seems like all the girls are suddenly courting you? 
Or, a series of kisses between you and your dear football team.
Word count: 4,6k.
Content: cursing, kisses, fluff, suggestive, angst if you blink, slightly dark, intoxication, the doomcoming, the wilderness but nobody has been eaten (yet).
Note: They’re all weirdos in a romantic, toxic and codependent way.
English is not my first language.
Your life has stagnated into a familiar routine since the plane crash. To clean. Hunt. Eat. Exist. Survive. Doing the same chores in the cabin, the usual hunting trip, seeing the same faces every day, not dying of hunger.  Not dying of boredom.
Nothing really seems to change other than the cultish trends that your friends seem to be slowly embracing, so if something different happens, you notice it immediately.
Once is an incidence.
Two, it could be a coincidence, but there are no coincidences in the wilderness.
Three is a pattern. That exists in the wilderness.
And the fourth is proof that there is definitely something weird going on – if you even have a sense of what is normal or not –, something that you have no idea what it is, but you know it’s there.
There's something wrong with your teammates. I mean, there's something wrong with all of you, but that's different even for them.
The thing is that you, thinking that maybe it was just in your head, only realized that you weren't imagining anything after the fifth time it happened and now that you know you can't stop thinking about it. Events keep coming back to you from times when this has happened before and you never connected the pieces.
You didn't notice at first, of course you didn't. Physical affection was becoming more common and normal between all of you every day and also because it was Jackie, the captain of your team, and physical affection on Jackie's part was already completely normal even before the plane crashed. She liked to pat you on the shoulder and hug you goodbye after classes and parties – as if she hadn't spent the day barking orders at everyone during practice, but it's Jackie and you really like her a lot, so it's okay –, you could always see her clinging to Shauna's arm, if not hers, then whoever was closest to replace her for a few minutes. Jackie likes to touch and you know it.
Receiving affection from her is like second nature, so you don't even blink when, on yet another boring and lazy afternoon, you give Jackie her old walkman, now repaired and working, and get a kiss as a thank you.
It was a silly treat to make her smile, just because she seemed so sad lately that it made you sad too. She squeals loudly and excitedly, before wrapping her arms around your neck and placing a kiss on your cheek.
She immediately runs off somewhere saying she was going to test it and show it to Shauna, completely abandoning the task of pretending to chop wood so you can complete it.
You only process what just happened when you hear a giggling coming from nearby, because of course Jackie would kiss you in front of your younger colleagues.  One of them points at your cheek provocatively and you lift a hand to your face to feel the texture of pink and shiny lipstick marking your skin. Of course, silly you not to assume that Jackie Taylor wouldn't stop wearing makeup just because of some plane crash.
Whatever, you thought, not bothering to clean the mark. Jackie is sweet. She does things like that all the time, obviously you wouldn't think there's anything weird about it. It wasn't even the first time she kissed you. Kisses on the cheek were a thing long before you left civilization.
You only wipe the stain from your face, in a short and hasty gesture, when you return to the cabin and Mari makes one of her smart comments about it, because there really was no big deal, but the provocation still makes you a little nervous.
(Jackie wears lipstick a lot more often after that, even though she's quickly running out of the only one she has left, but you don't say anything. It would be really weird to imply that you noticed her lips that much. Which you didn't do, no way.)
The second time it happens shouldn't have left you as perplexed as it did, after all everyone knew that Shauna Shipman was never far behind Jackie in the things she did, but it didn't pass through your head that she would kiss you. It was Shauna. Even though she was never rude, you weren't really close and it was embarrassing to admit that you found her a little intimidating. She had a tendency to stare in silence for a long time, which made you avoid conversations whenever you could.
Well, it wasn't a kiss-kiss since it wasn't actually on the mouth, but seeing as you weren't expecting it at all, it could have been. You're learning that reading Shauna is much more complicated than it seems, making it difficult to know if what awaits you is a punch, a bite, or – the most recent discovery – a kiss.
It happened because of the thing that seemed to drive your little society: meat. Because the food was almost running out and no matter what you and Natalie brought, it seemed like there would never be enough. And Shauna was hungry. Painfully hungry.
She always seemed to get hungry more quickly than the others, craving meat with an almost drunken need and you didn't quite understand why, even though you had noticed this detail some time ago. So when you and Nat are seen arriving back at the cabin carrying a deer, a big deer, Shauna practically runs up to the two of you, basically ripping the antler out of the blonde's hands and making you stumble to follow her back to the meat house.
You offer to help her just out of politeness and how rushed she seems, without expecting a positive response since it was common knowledge that Shauna preferred to work alone.
However, she nods her head enthusiastically as she hands you a knife and you swear you've never seen someone look so happy to slit an animal's throat alongside someone else.
When the task is done, you end up at the door with a full tray ready to be prepared for dinner back and Shauna is right behind you, with that same enthusiasm and silent yearning. It's a little unnerving, but at least she's not staring at the back of your head like she's trying to burn you like she usually does. You guessed any progress was welcome.
You just didn't expect it to progress to Shauna pulling you by the elbow to face her and tilting your face towards hers. You're so startled by the sudden touch that you only feel your face heat up as hot, wet lips meet the corner of your mouth when Shauna pulls away, taking the tray from your hands as if it weighed nothing and continuing on her way, muttering a quiet and embarrassed “thank you” over her shoulder.
You stood there like an idiot, feeling your bottom lip and part of your cheek tingle where she touched you just a moment before.
So Shauna kissed you. Okay. Nice. Maybe she was just very grateful and very hungry. Twice, coincidence. Nothing more than that.
 Right?
(Shauna looks away from you when she's caught staring at that night, which never had happened, but you attribute her red face to the fact that you're sitting by the fire.)
The third time is the one that makes you go “okay, maybe that's a thing now,” because apparently the kisses have nothing to do with Jackie-Shauna or simply gratitude – at least not entirely – and much more to do with the fact that it's you.
Which actually doesn't make much sense. Van and Taissa are together, why would either of them feel the need to kiss someone else? Why would they both feel?  And why you? It's true they haven't told anyone yet, but you know. It's a little hard not to notice when they both disappear at the same time into the forest or behind the cabin so often, but still. You don't kiss other people when you're committed. It's a principle, damn it.
Anyway, it's starting to get cold, you think there's just over two months left until winter arrives, maybe less, which makes tasks much more complicated and annoying to do. Especially when it comes to washing clothes.
Luck – Mari's damn shuffle – decided that you, Tai and Van would be the ones to do the laundry this time and the three of you dragged yourselfs grumbling and complaining to the lake, carrying piles of clothes in your arms.
Now, of all the things you have to do around the cabin, scrubbing clothes in cold running water is probably the one you hate the most. Cold, wrinkled hands, chills running down your spine, ew. The fact that Van and Tai went with you makes things at least a little less boring, with the redhead happily filling the silence, her silly jokes making the task almost bearable to accomplish. Almost.
“Ugh,” You groan for what feels like the thousandth time in the last hour, “We’re gonna end up catching a cold like this.”
“You definitely will, if you keep annoying me like this,” Tai replies, swinging her arm towards you, cold water splashing in your arms, “I'm gonna push your dramatic ass into the river, I'm warning you.”
The drops make another chill run through your body, so just for the audacity, you straighten up and let your body fall against hers with the most done expression you can muster in a few seconds.
Tai screams your name indignantly when a wet t-shirt slips out of her hands and falls straight to the ground, but you don't pay much attention when lets out a loud and exaggeratedly long sigh, hearing Van’s laugh as she watches the scene.
And Van, wonderful, too sweet for her own good, Van, decides to finally take pity on your little show – maybe you really were spending too much time with Jackie – and finish what you had left of your part of the pile and you would definitely have jumped in her arms and kissed her for it, if you weren't, you know, in front of her girlfriend.
It turns out that blinking your eyes and sighing doesn't work as well for you as it does for Jackie, because as soon as you get ready to go back, bending down to pick up the heavy basket full of clothes, a familiar hand pushes your chest.
“Shit, Taissa!”
“I said I would do it, didn’t I?” She stands in front of you, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised as she watches your form lying, shaking and soaking wet at the river's edge.
Van's laugh doesn't bring you that rush of happiness from moments before, since now you're sure that she only decided to help you because she knew what Tai was going to do anyway. That little shit.
You walk past them with the basket in your hands, a trail of water in your wake and a frown on your face.
The way back is completely silent, except for the sound of your fast breathing in your rush to get there and warm up and the girls' requests for you not to get upset over a silly joke. Whatever. You won't say a word to them no matter what they do.
“Oh, come on,” Van wraps an arm around your neck, “We didn’t want to make you so upset, right Tai?”
Tai moves closer, her shoulder brushing against yours, but you remain quiet regardless, even if your willpower to remain upset wanes a little.
“Right” she agrees, sounding very unconvincing, “What can we do to make it up to you?”
“We are so sorry,” Van reiterates, blinking innocently.
Your only response is a noise from your throat that sounds a lot like a petulant mumble and you feel the look they exchange over your shoulder.
And then Van's arm brings you closer and there are lips on either side of your neck. You freeze, breath hitches.
It's not fast like the other ones, but long and drawn out as if it's trying to prove you. A shiver runs down your spine and the baby hairs on the back of your neck stand up, even though you swear it's just because your skin is still damp from the fall. You can feel Van's hair tickling your face and Tai's breath is warm against your chin.
You blink and Van is walking away with a wolfish smile on her lips, whistling absentmindedly and Taissa has the basket you were carrying in her own arms.
“Aren’t you coming?” Van turns when she notices you still standing and Tai arches an eyebrow, as if to say 'so?' and you stumble after them.
“...Sure, whatever!” You stutter, face as red as your goalie’s hair, “But if I get sick, that’s on you!”
“You won’t!”
You return to the cabin with your head down, but for a completely different reason this time. You feel weird, embarrassed, even with your friends walking calmly beside you. It feels weird to just call them friends too.
(Three times – or was it four? It's a pattern. Definitely a pattern.)
You do, in fact, get sick and the fifth time feels more like a fever dream than anything.
Seriously. You survive a plane crash without any serious injuries, but a flu is what knocks you out. You end up in the attic, with a heavy chest, incessant sneezing and a high fever that won't let you sleep.
And of course, Misty Quigley hovering over you like a hawk.
In fact, all your friends seem to be hovering over you in an overprotective way these days, which might not be strange considering the situation, but other people in the group have gotten sick before, including the younger ones, and none of them have reacted like this.
Van and Tai spent the entire time staring like kicked puppies from across the room until Misty kicked them both downstairs so you could try to get some sleep. It wasn't doing much good, but the momentary tranquility was really appreciated.
Misty has been with you the whole time since your fever started and you let her ramble happily while she plays nurse, putting damp cloths on your forehead and helping you drink hot tea, even though you insist you're well enough to do so. She seems very happy to be helpful, so you let her spoil you as much as she wants.
You turn over on the cold floor, wrapping the blankets tighter around you as you sneeze again and Misty sits next to you, but there's nothing she can do at the moment to make you better, so she stays still, looking nervous and pushing her glasses on the tip of the nose with her fingers.
You think about how she seemed to have looked with longing and something that might have been envy when Jackie ran her hand through your hair in the morning before going outside with Shauna after leaving you another blanket. She looked the same when Lottie rubbed your shoulder gently and spent time by your side throughout the afternoon, leaving what appeared to be a half-cut crystal near where your head rested. It's just like she wanted something, but didn't know what or if she could do it. You don't know exactly what too.
Your ears ring and you think about your teammates, your friends and kisses. Four kisses on three occasions. Things that didn't happen before, but apparently happen now and that follow a strange pattern. You wonder who will be next to follow it.
You do what you do next in the fog of sleep and fever, because you'll never be able to actually sleep if you don't have a proper place to rest your head. It has nothing to do with the possibility opened in your last thought.
Her legs are soft under the blue and yellow shorts she wears when you crawl around and rest your head on them and it's certainly much more comfortable than the floor.
“Talk,” You mumble, clearing your throat at the hoarse voice.
“What?” She squeaks and you can tell it caught her in surprise by the way her eyes roam over your form, unsure of what she just heard and what's going on.
Misty is clearly alarmed, arms raised above her body as if she's afraid to touch you, her glasses falling onto the tip of her nose again as she looks down to face you, blonde curls falling across her face.
“What– What are you doing?” She asks.
“Weren’t you saying something about Plato?” You hold back a yawn as you fix yourself on her lap, ignoring her question completely, “Come on, keep going.”
She seems to ponder for a second, jaw dropped in confusion, but you don't move, so she picks up where you assume she left off. After a few minutes listening with your eyes closed, you feel her soft hand rest hesitantly on your back, running her fingers up and down when you don't protest.
You let out a sigh when you finally manage to relax, her voice calming the ringing in your ears a little and when you squint your eyes, Misty seems perfectly satisfied.
That's it, you think, that's what she wanted then.
Your body still has sporadic chills, but you feel like falling asleep, having lost track of how much time has passed with Misty talking to the walls about whoever the philosopher of the moment is. Your head feels heavy, you can barely keep your eyes open. It's good not to be alone when you're like this.
You're not sure whether or not you imagine the cold lips against your warm forehead when you sleep, but it counts as success for your little test. Five.
(You only wake up the next morning, feeling much better and more energetic, even without remembering a single word you said to Misty, just having fallen asleep on her lap for a while. The way she blushes and laughs after that, staring and following you around whenever she can, says that she remembers it very well. Coach Ben gives you a look full of sympathy when he sees her clinging to your arm, which you don't quite understand.)
The sixth time happens in the middle of the forest. It's windy, sun almost down, with Natalie walking beside you. It's the most peaceful moment you've had in your life in weeks, and it's also the moment you realize that maybe there's something wrong with you as much as the rest of the team.
Nat is talking, complaining about how Travis – the closest thing she'll have to a boyfriend in this place – is mad at her. He won't hunt or talk to her, much less touch her.
That's why you're following her, actually, the hunting part. You don't have much sense of your place in the group compared to the others, doing a little bit of everything when necessary, but Natalie seems to enjoy your company on these occasions, even if your aim with the rifle isn't as good as hers.
You spend so much time listening to her complain about mundane things like condoms and the flask of old booze she found in dead-mummified-guy's stuff that you feel the absurd urge to laugh. It's so strangely normal – except for the mummy part, but still.
Maybe that was what made you open your mouth after minutes of silence and broken snorts:
“So he can't get it up once and now he's mad at you? Damn Nat, if you need someone to make out that badly then I could help you with that.”
It comes out half as a mockery, half as truth, because that's what you do. Help people, fix things. But it's sarcastic, because it's just a stupid idea for Natalie to even consider.
Except she suddenly goes quiet and when you turn your head, she's looking at you. Eyes half-closed, mouth open, wanting.
When she kisses you, you're already waiting, longing for it, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against the nearest tree. You think about how she was the only one who had the courage to chase your lips, to take what she really wanted.
The only thing you can feel is the weight of Nat's hands – cold, always so cold, even though winter is still a while away – on your hips, one sliding up your back to grasp the hair at the back of your neck, lips parting and tongue finding yours almost desperately and then you can't think about anything else but her. Natalie, who is much stronger than she looks and who also holds her own to stay sane in this place much better than anyone could imagine. Natalie, the bane of your existence and also your best friend. Natalie, who kisses like she hunts: with all the confidence her reputation demands.
If you close your eyes tightly and try hard, you can almost pretend you're at one of Lottie or Jeff's parties, listening to your friend complain about a stupid boyfriend, getting euphoric because she likes you better than the said stupid boyfriend.
And then she's pulling away, mouth swollen and hair completely messed up from where your hands had been placed. The moment ends and you come back to reality, picking up the rifle from where it was lying on the grass and looking around uncertainly. You guys didn't catch anything today. Food is running out.
You return to the cabin in complete silence.
(You don't see Natalie trying to talk to Travis after this, nor him with her, but you don't think she cares.)
You stopped counting after that, kisses and touches becoming a blur in your mind as the days pass and your worry increases. Whatever this is seems less important than what's happening at the moment: little food, few coats, winter approaching, a fucking baby coming.
However, it all comes back to them anyway, when you finally realize that you were right all along, that there really was something wrong with all of you and everything goes south quickly when someone decides to put mushrooms in the food.
It was an unspoken knowledge between you that the Yellowjackets would never be able to have a proper homecoming, so when the idea of a ​​doomcoming came up in the conversation, even as a bad joke, you were one of the first to agree to it. A bittersweet goodbye sounded better than nothing.
You just didn't expect everyone to end up on drugs and acting like they were in some kind of cult. What did you miss that got you all to this point?
There is someone howling in the forest. Someone, not an animal. Or maybe they really were animals, given the way they're all chasing you now.
Just a moment ago you were genuinely enjoying the night, dancing with Ravi to Lottie's humming music and drinking fermented punch for who knows how long, even with a small feeling of being watched sent shivers down your spine at times. Then there was no sign of Ravi or Travis – nor Coach Ben, but he escaped somewhere in the woods with Natalie's canteen in his hand the second Misty's back was turned – and things started to get... confusing after everyone helped themselves to some stew.
Now there's someone howling in the forest and your head is spinning, hurried footsteps sound behind you as you end up back in front of the cabin after running in circles, a rabbit cornered by an entire pack.
Leaves are stuck in your hair, the hem of your dress is torn and covered in dirt, and you're sure you scraped one of your knees while running. There are also a bunch of dilated pupils focused on you.
Shauna is the first to approach, which surprises you so much that it gives the others time to do the same, big, sad, hazy brown eyes seeming to see deep into your soul.
“Why do you keep running away from us?” she asks, a pout that you can't tell if it's fake or not formed on her face, sliding a hand gently up your arm to your waist pulling you close and keeping her grip tight.
Jackie has her head cocked to the side and a smile painted red rather than pale pink like the first. She looks a little more composed than you'd expect, standing next to Shauna and bouncing in her step expectantly.
That was all it took to realize that you couldn't pull away even if you wanted to, melting against the scalding skin as if you had no problem getting burned.
“I'm not. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”
The words came out slow and slurred on your tongue as if you didn't know exactly what you were referring to.  This whole crazy night? Absolutely, but there are also so many other moments not recognized before.
You find yourself guided back to the cabin when you hear Lottie's voice in the background and Misty taking your hand to guide you. It all ends up there anyway.
You're unsure when you're placed in the pile of blankets and sheets on the floor, the lit fireplace warms the room like never before and there seem to be hands everywhere when Natalie enters your field of vision.
“I think you're a little too high right now, hun,” Nat scoffs, as if she's amused by your slowness.
You feel a laugh grow in your chest though you don't mean to, “You– you think so?”
“Yep,” she clicks her tongue, “The mushrooms hit hard.”
“Mushrooms!?” You let out a squeak of surprise when you're suddenly pulled back against someone's front, recognizing Taissa's nails scratching your back through your dress.
“'M sorry." Misty mutters disjointedly, tracing the lines of your palm like it's the most interesting thing in the world.
“What–”
You stop mid-sentence when you make a sound in the back of your throat as you feel Van's teeth graze the junction of your shoulder and neck, bright green eyes and a wolfish smile on her recently healed face. You knew right away who the hell was howling.
“Oh, come on,” Van echoes with the same provocation from the day in the lake, “Don't tell me you're afraid of It.”
“It?” Your breath hitches when a hand guides your head up and there she is.
Lottie Matthews looking down at you, an antler crown on her head that makes you slack-jawed and hazy looking, looking completely divine and you hesitate when you realize that the entire team has gathered around you, as if they were waiting for something. What the fuck is going on?
Lottie leans down to your level, face dangerously close to you, and you swallow hard when your eyes settle on her lips. She never kissed you, not like the others, something that always left a doubt in your head; an almost embarrassing curiosity to know what it would be like.
She meets your eyes with a malicious gleam, like she knows exactly what you're thinking and leans in a little more and just as you close your eyes to meet hers, hunger lips stray to your jaw.
“Lottie–” you squirm and the hands on your hips hold you tighter.
Nat silences you, running her fingers through your face provocatively while Lottie trails kisses down your neck, working her way down. Everything seems too stuffy, like you're melting at their touch.
“It's okay.” She reassures, cold, chapped lips finding your chest, teeth scraping the skin, “It wants us to, can't you feel It?”
You can't feel it, not really, you never understood this strange connection everyone seemed to feel with the wilderness that you didn't, but there are gentle hands caressing you, making you sink deeper and deeper and Lottie is finally kissing you, just like you wanted; lips stopping right over your heart, as if she wanted to devour it.
“Yeah." You say, “I feel it.”
You're sure the cabin is on fire, but you're the only one who's burning.
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tiktaalic ¡ 10 months ago
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The difference. Misha collins says he is an ally and goes. Shakes head. Due to allyship. I must comply. (Kiss men). Taylor swift says she’s an ally and what she means is she likes hanging out with gay men. The other difference s. Misha will do anything to be TALKED about. Taylor will do anything to be LIKED. very crucial difference. One of them’s a focus tester. One of them sat in his home on thanksgiving to film a twitter apology for something he didn’t do. Another one. Is that misha collins definitely thinks being gay is a little funny. Taylor swift thinks being gay is like. Lady Gaga born this way. A very crucial one. Is that Taylor swift lives to create saw traps. To scheme. And put down hidden messages. Etc. And misha collins does not have the patience for that he is just saying whatever thought crosses his mind immediately. They would both go to a farmer’s market. Taylor swift would be buying beeswax candles and carrying them in a pride month traders joes bag. Misha collins would be buying produce and carrying it in a canvas tote bag he bought at a PREVIOUS farmers market that says GROW LOCAL BUY SMALL. There’s more but this is the gist
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shaunamilfman ¡ 2 months ago
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yellowjackets + affection headcanons
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pairing: Shauna Shipman x r, Jackie Taylor x r, Lottie Matthews x r, Natalie Scatorccio x r note: seperatelyyyyy.
Shauna Shipman
very subtle demonstrations of affection. she’s definitely not a fan of over-the-top displays of PDA, preferring to express her feelings through her actions. show, don’t tell type.
does a lot of small things like making your favorite meal, leaving you little notes, and letting you pick what to watch even if it’s not your turn.
a lot of what she does isn’t especially romantic in nature, though it’s not to say that she doesn’t have her moment, but it’s always demonstrative that you’re special to her in some way or another.
very clingy, but not necessarily in public. she really likes to sit flush against you on the couch, the entirety of her side pressed against yours as she rests her head against yours. 
she’s a big fan of just laying together, even if you’re not necessarily intending on going to sleep. running her fingers across your skin absentmindedly as you lay together on the couch.
gives you compliments almost as if they’re an afterthought, but they’re always so sincere that you know she’s put actual thought into them even if she pretends otherwise.
drunk Shauna or jealous Shauna is all over you, though. she sees someone breathe in your direction and nearly jumps the couch to get over to you.
she’s so protective of you, even over the smallest things. imagined injustices are too much for her. tell her Nat was mean to you in a dream, and her ass is glaring at her the next time she sees her.
she’s always watching you in one way or another. sometimes it’s because she's being possessive, but she mostly just likes to know that you’re okay. any time you’re separated at the same event, you can relax knowing Shauna knows exactly where you are at any moment.
Shauna Shipman will not forget a date. she knows every milestone of your relationship and could list off the day they happened. she’s kind of cheating because her ass is going straight home and writing in her journal about it the day it happens, so she can always check back to the date.
Jackie Taylor
likes to make your life easier any way she can. unfortunately, Jackie’s ideas of what would make your life easier aren’t always exactly true. but she’s trying, and that’s the important part, right? sure, you spent twenty minutes trying to figure out how she reorganized your kitchen, but she did it with love.
queen of PDA. she’s all over you all the time. her ass will climb you like a tree in public. absolutely does not understand that there’s a time and a place for all that, but who would want her to?
always, always, always holding your hand. tries to pull your hand off the wheel at every single stoplight because it’s been sooooo long. kisses your cheek any time you’ve done anything that made her even the slightest bit happy, or also just because. she’s not picky.
no one on Earth will talk you up more than Jackie Taylor. she’s showering you with compliments, both to your face and to anyone who will listen to her talk about you. they’re all so genuine too.
plans the most complex dates you’ve ever seen. truthfully, they’re mostly for her own benefit, but you always have a good time anyway. she will expect to hear how impressed you were with whatever she planned out at length. she needs the reassurance.
so physically affectionate. hand-holding where she just plays with your fingers while watching TV. anytime you’re lying down, trust that Jackie will be climbing on top of you and staying there. falls asleep on top of you, and you’re stuck there till she wakes up.
listens very intently whenever you talk, but eventually her eyes always end up falling to your lips. she’s just a girl.
she’s so playfully mean to you. always gently poking fun at something you’re doing as she skips up next to you and presses the entirety of her body against your back.
so incredibly possessive. god forbid you even look in someone else's direction or it’s on. as much as she craves your attention on her all the time, it truly is just the way she cares for you.
quality time!!! your ass isn’t going anywhere.
Lottie Matthews
Lottie’s trying to get you lore dropping on the first date for sure. she’s very emotionally aware and enjoys the intimacy of sharing secrets and feelings between the two of you.
loves to take care of you. she hates when you’re sick but also loves to smother you in love and care whenever you are. definitely confesses it to you guiltily one day like it’s a grievous sin.
stocks her cabinets with things that you like. walking around the store with a little list of everything she’s ever seen you eat before you stay over for the first time.
forces the nastiest herbal teas on you for your "health.”.
gives you so many gifts. most of them are just small little trinkets that remind her of you, but they’re always so thoughtful in nature. remembers anything you’ve ever mentioned being interested in or looked at when out at shops.
the type to drop in while you’re studying all day with a snack because she knows you forgot to eat. pulling you out of your chair to get up and dance with her because you haven’t moved from your desk in four hours. pulling your headphones off your ears and dragging you to bed because you have to get up in six hours.
she’s so physical touch. Lottie’s always touching you in some way or another. just small touches mostly: brushes of her fingers across her arm as you walk past her, fingers intertwined as you walk around whatever market she’s dragged you to today, her thumb against your face as she rubs off the tiniest speck of dirt, brushing hair out of your face as you talk animatedly.
good luck getting Lottie’s head off of your shoulder. doesn’t matter if you’re standing or laying down. she’s zeroing in on it immediately.
Natalie Scatorrcio
not traditionally affectionate in the slightest. she’s very awkward with it at the best of times. epitome of like, “I dunno, you’re cool, or whatever,” while kicking the toe of her shoe against the dirt and avoiding eye contact. does not have any experience with giving or receiving affection at all.
she blushes to her ears at even the slightest hint of love or care once you get closer. girl does not know what to do with herself; she's so stressed.
it takes forever for Nat to tell you anything personal about her life. so when she finally does start talking that vulnerability is a major sign of her affection for you.
quality time where you sit together and do separate things. sitting on opposite sides of the couch while Nat keeps sneaking looks at you whenever she thinks you’re not paying attention.
she’s not great at comforting you while you’re upset, but she’ll always listen for as long as you want to talk about it.
so incredibly loyal and protective. she’s not even letting rightful criticism of you go. at least when other people say it. argues with someone for twenty minutes about something you did, but the second you’re alone she’s like, “that was so lame.”
she’s really physically affectionate in public, but not in the traditional sense. bumps your shoulders together a lot while giving you that crooked grin of hers, taps her foot against yours under the table, that sort of thing. in private, I think she would like more full-body contact stuff like cuddling than handholding or stuff of that nature.
Nat’s the type to drop you off at the front of the store when it’s raining while she parks the car. always walks on the curbside of the sidewalk so that car “hits her instead." always tries to open the door for you even when it’s inconvenient (think rushing around the car).
definitely the type to present you with pretty rocks she found and grins stupidly whenever she sees it sitting on a shelf at your place.
likes to try to fix things around your house.
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