#whatever i'll just try to get better at this in real life where it actually matters and i can better tell if someone is engaging

[truecorvid]

starting to suspect that i am not very good at engaging in open/honest/non judgmental conversations on the internet actually

[district4loading]

Under My Spell

Kiss of Life Belle x Male Reader

5K Words

Content Warning: smut, hypnosis, use of handcuffs, praise, a little bit of degrading

Minors DNI

A/N: I got the request to do this almost a month ago but back then I was really busy and I had other requests to get to first. Now that my writers block is partially gone, I'm ready to write and work on everything else I've been requested. This was supposed to come out two days ago but I ended up getting sick and I couldn't finish it lmao.

This is my first time writing something like this, I know I probably got some aspects of it wrong so just vibe yeah? Hope you guys enjoy this one!!

The request: "would you be open to writing a smut about hypnosis? like where the reader and idol decide to try out hypnosis?"

-

Maybe hypnosis is real

-

You're laying in bed when she brings it up.

She just came back from the nail salon, her purse slides off of her arm and onto the dresser when she asks you "Babe, what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?" She peels herself out of her denim jacket, the one you bought her recently that she called 'ugly.' You fail to mention it though because you begin to question the context of her inquiry.

"Probably like... bondage stuff" You look up from your phone, "Where's this coming from?"

Belle only begins to strip herself of the remainder of her clothing before muttering "I'll get to that." You watch as she throws the worn garments to the side before digging through the dresser for something more comfortable "Wouldn't you find it hot to have complete and utter control over someone, tell them to do something and they're on it with no hesitation or thought behind it" She steps into a pair of shorts "No matter what you ask, they do it mindlessly"

You tilt your head, trying to follow wherever she's going with this. There's a smile on her face but it's not just any smile, it tells you that she's testing the waters, trying to gauge whether or not you were into whatever the hell she was getting at now. "I mean... I guess? I'm not sure"

"You guess?" She gives you a look before pulling an old, loose black t-shirt over her head. She then crawls into bed and you're not surprised when you find her straddling your waist with her hands snaking underneath your shirt. "So... you wouldn't mind putting me under your spell so you could get me to do whatever sick shit you want me to?"

"That sounds like some weird MK-Ultra mind control shit" You chuckle, then wince after she pinches your abs with her sharp nails.

Belle hums "Yeah that's exactly what I mean..." You watch as she backs up a bit, then she begins to think, "well actually I was talking about hypnosis but you get the idea... kinda sorta"

"You want me to hypnotize you?" She nods and now you're confused "You can't actually believe that works babe..."

"It works" She insists, then slaps your chest when she sees the unconvinced and almost judging look on your face.

That's when you realize she's dead serious about it "What makes you want to try hypnosis all of a sudden?"

"Well" She begins tugging at the hem of your shirt "A friend of mine told me about how she and her boyfriend tried it and it sort of inspired me"

You stay silent for a bit, reminding yourself not to say anything slick so she doesn't get upset with you. "So how does it work? Do I get a pocket watch and swing it in front of your face or something?" You end up snickering a bit, still finding this conversation to be more humorous than serious.

Belle gives you a look, trying to hold in her own laugh "No, you idiot! I'll send you some videos later and.." She smiles mischievously before sliding off of you then she goes over to the dresser and digs her hand into her purse. You quirk your eyebrow and sit up to better see what she's doing. The moment she pulls a pair of hand-cuffs out, your eyes widen.

"We're gonna need these too"

-

So after watching countless videos, you finally think you've mastered the art of hypnosis.

Maybe not "mastered" but you got the gist of it. You've got no clue why you agreed to this in the first place because there was still something in the back of your mind telling you that this would never work and if it somehow did, she'd only be pretending. It's probably the boring pessimist in you that makes you think that way but this seemed interesting. So you keep your questioning thoughts to yourself as you reach into your drawer for the handcuffs.

Belle smiles at you in your dark bedroom, the warm light from the lamp on your nightstand is on the dimmest setting. It makes her naked body look so perfect, highlighting each and every one of her beautiful curves. You walk over to her, putting the cuffs on the bed before you take your hands in hers. "Ready?" She hums and nods her head.

"Now, I want you close your eyes to take a deep breath" She does as you say and you can hear the sharp sound of her nostrils taking in the cool conditioned air, her chest rises with it. "Now slowly exhale" and her chest falls gently "Now breathe as you listen to my voice, focus on it and allow everything else to fade away"

You keep your tone gentle and soft to put her at ease "The faint hum of the air conditioner, the rain outside, the cars passing by, block it all out" You notice that she's still taking those deep breaths, then exhaling them with soft grace. "Just focus on me, allow that tension and stress to melt away. No work, no schedules, just you and I"

"Now listen to my words" You pause for a moment "You'll do as I say, be subservient to me" You begin pulling her into a mindset crafted and molded by you "You want me to handcuff you" At this point, Belle holds a straight face, she doesn't even flinch or cringe at your words. Not even a smirk or a giggle, like you've actually got her in some sort of trance. "You feel the urge to do anything to get me off" and "You will not want us to stop until I say we do"

"Keep your breathing steady and at the snap of my fingers you will awaken with all of these desires"

You raise your hand and put your thumb against your middle finger, then *snap* and her eyes immediately open. There's something about her gaze that you immediately observe, it's kind of dark and empty and she's got a completely blank expression on her face. "What do you want?" You question her softly.

Belle looks over to the handcuffs and picks them up, then she holds them in front of you "Please" She says it with her voice just above a whisper "Please cuff me"

You swallow, not at all recognizing the tone in her voice. It has a chill running down your spine because it sounds almost desperate, like she's really begging for it. You begin to think that maybe this hypnosis shit is actually real and it scares you a bit. But you still take the handcuffs out of her hands as she puts her hands out for you.

It takes you a moment cause you're not used to this but you manage to get them on her. "Knees, princess" You order and just like that, she's dropping to her knees in front of you "Good girl" You mutter under your breath as you look down at her with nothing but lust in your eyes.

It's weird, this was actually turning you on more than you thought it would. Having so much control over her without a fight for dominance or her usual bratty attitude.

No doubt it already has your blood rushing.

So you don't waste any time to pull off your shirt then you unbuckle your belt and you take your jeans off. You take your hard cock into your hand and you pump it slowly "Open" Her lips part and her tongue pokes out "Suck" Is the next thing you say as you guide the head into her mouth.

Almost immediately, she begins bobbing her head mindlessly. Her warm mouth is so wet and welcoming and the feel of her fleshy, slippery inner cheeks and her smooth velvety tongue has your nerves so sensitive. You groan deeply as you allow your hands to run through her scalp then your hips start thrusting forwards because she's beginning to swirl her tongue and it feels incredible. She doesn't even need her hands, so much control, so disciplined and obedient for you. Belle takes your cock like a pro, sucking and slurping it tightly to provide the utmost pleasure and its fucking perfect.

She makes enthusiastic noises as she sucks your cock, like she's been starving for it, like your pre-cum is the best thing she's ever tasted.

You stop for a moment and hold her head still, then you push all the way in so her nose is pressed up against your base. Almost like you're a sadist, you hold her there, watching the way her eyes well up with tears. "So beautiful" You compliment, admiring the look of her glossy eyes. Her throat squeezes you as she gags "Ah fuck" You moan, pushing your hips just a bit deeper and Belle swallows, nearly making you dizzy. So you loosen your grip on her head and she continues to bob her head wildly.

It's like she has no gag reflex with how fast she's going and how deep she's taking you. Each drag of her mouth has you stuck just staring into her eyes, those dutiful brown orbs that tell you she's not going to stop until your cum is shooting down her throat. At this rate, it may not be too far away. "Oh—fucking god" You bite your lip, muscles clenching as she continues to suck you off.

All she can really do is hum and moan with her mouth stuffed full with your cock, the sticky noises only adding to your arousal. You can feel it coming already. She's ruthless with it, flicking her tongue in ways she never has before. "I'm going to fucking—" You can't even finish your sentence because she has your needy cock throbbing in her perfect mouth.

It's muffled, but you can hear it when she moans and starts bobbing her head quicker, like she wants nothing more than to get you off. You don't even realize it when you grip her hair tighter because you're too focused on being at the edge. Usually, when Belle would do this, she'd stop at the last second just to tease because like the brat she is, she enjoyed seeing you squirm. However, it didn't seem like she'd be doing that now. By the look in her eye, you can tell she's going to fucking milk you for all you've got.

Now you're starting to really get the idea of this whole hypnosis thing, even if she's just faking it. You place your hands on her head because even though you know she won't go anywhere, it feels right. You take a deep breath and then "I'm cumming" you announce with a low and long groan escaping your lips. Your eyes shut so tight you can see spots behind your eyelids and in a flash Belle's taking it all down her perfect throat.

It's almost like she can't get enough of you, the way she keeps on sucking she pulls out any bit of semen you have left. She swallows it all and you pull your hips back weakly when she tries to get you back in her mouth "Okay, thats enough" You chuckle tiredly and then she sits back on her heels.

Now the deadpan expression on her face is gone and it's replaced with an eager smile. There's still something off about it but you can't exactly pinpoint what "Did I do good?" She asks, waiting for your response with some drool at the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah, baby" You sigh "On the bed, on your back, now" Another order comes out of your mouth, and you sound more natural about it.

Belle licks her lips then stands up, it takes a little more effort for her to climb onto the bed because of the handcuffs but she does it eventually. "What do you want, princess?" You ask the question again, because you're intrigued about what she'll answer.

"Use my body, please sir I want it so fucking bad—I need it. Need you to use me until you're finished I won't be satisfied until you're done with me" There's this genuine yearning in her tone, something that you almost don't recognize at all.

You go with it though "Lift your arms until they're above your head" A smirk grows on your face as you get a perfect view of her tits. You climb onto the bed and you get on top of her, positioned so that you're almost sitting on her stomach "You gonna let me use these perfect tits?" You ask as if she has any choice in the matter.

Still, she nods her head frantically "Anything" She whines as you grab a hold of her breasts in your big hands. You cup and squeeze them, like always, they're better than fucking pillows, so soft and squishy. You place your cock in between them and press them together on it, you groan immediately when your feel the perfect warmth.

"Fuck yeah" You groan as you begin to move your hips back and forth. She only looks up at you with that lustful look in her eyes. You gather some saliva in your mouth, then you lean over and spit it out. It lands on her boob, then it trickles downwards and you spread it around as you keep fucking her tits.

It was always something you wanted to try out, but you hadn't gotten the chance to ask yet. You were kind of afraid she'd laugh at the idea and you didn't exactly know how she'd take it. Belle would probably be down for literally anything you wanted to try out and it was the same for you—which is why you agreed to do this hypnosis thing in the first place—but you could still do without the teasing that'd come with it.

Your cock slides between her breasts without any resistance whatsoever, it's all smooth and slick and it feels so fucking good. With her hands over her head she just lets it happen because she's fucking loving it. The almost harsh grip you have on her tits has her squirming because she wants to be touched and used in other places, obviously.

You keep the pace though, wanting to stay in this moment for just a little bit more before you move on. "How does it feel baby?" She gives you those expecting eyes, like she yearns for your approval.

So you don't hold back your praises "Incredible, your tits are fucking amazing Belle... I could do this forever" You sigh, listening to the slick sound each of your movements make.

"Why don't you do it forever then? I wouldn't mind" She teases but her tone tells you that she's not really joking.

Maybe hypnosis is real

A small chuckle escapes your lips as you stop your movements "If I did that, I wouldn't be able to get to the best part"

"Which is?" She figures she can let her hands rest on her belly.

You reposition yourself so that you're in between Belle's legs at this point "Right here, princess" She hums when you place your palm on her soaked cunt. It's all slippery and slick with her arousal, she's been absolutely aching to have you inside of her. Your cock throbs at the mere thought of it.

"Please sir"

The way her voice sounds in your hears has you smirking, so fucking desperate. Normally, Belle had far too much pride to beg like this but now that she's under your control things are different.

You might actually prefer it this way

"Please what darling? You want my cock or what?" You mock, wrapping your fingers around your cock so you can nudge it against her entrance. You don't put it in though, you merely slide it up and down her slit slowly, lathering your swollen cock head up with her wetness.

A choked moan forces its way through her throat "Yes! I fucking need your cock—fuck—just inside please just...use me, fucking own me"

"Jesus, you're a fucking slut" You bite your lip, slapping your tip against her needy cunt just to get her that much more riled up before you begin.

"Your slut" Belle corrects, bucking her hips up like she really needs you.

So you stop messing around and you slide your thick cock into her hot entrance. Her walls pull you in immediately, hugging your cock so tightly that you have to stifle a moan "Fucking hell" you whisper instead. Belle exhales softly as you make eye contact with her then you slide yourself in all the way until you reach the hilt.

The look on her face is pure content as you begin to move inside of her. She watches you, not missing the subtle ways your facial features contort from the pleasure. "Fuck me" She begins to pull at the cuffs, fingers trying to grasp at anything while you pick up the pace.

If she wants to get fucked, I'll fuck her—is what you think to yourself as you lean over.

You're moving faster now, hearing a jumbled up mess of words that escape her lips as you do. She's saying your name like its a prayer, begging for it deeper, faster, harder all at once because she wants you to give her everything. "Fucking—please!! more..more..more" It sounds like she just might die if you don't. So that's exactly what you do, you give her probably more than she can handle.

The quiet bedroom now has the sound of your skin slapping against each other echoing throughout it, then there's that filthy sound coming from between your legs—her arousal is audible especially when you bottom out. It's almost like a splashing sound over and over again occurring fast with your punishing thrusts.

"You feel so fucking good, so fucking tight and wet for me" You spit, watching in real time as you dumb her down with your cock. She's blabbering about something, something about how your cock is too good, how she can't get enough of it. That's about all you're able to make out because she's cutting of her own sentences with loud moans then seemingly forgetting whatever she was going to say next.

You smirk a little because you've whittled her down to this complete and utter embarrassing mess. She wants to touch you—to feel your body and you can tell by the frantic way her hands are moving. You almost snicker at how pathetic she looks right now. "What's wrong? Gonna cum already?" Is the question you ask upon noticing that familiar breathing pattern "Go ahead, do it" you grit through your teeth.

She's gasping for air deliberately, like she has to remind herself to breathe. Still she's able to chant "yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes" right before the poor girl stops breathing all together. You keep it hard and deep as she goes silent, your grunts being the only other noise that can be heard over the filthy noises of your sex.

Her body stiffens, only moving from the impact of each of your thrusts. Then finally she exhales, legs shaking as she cums all over your cock like she's been longing to. Her cunt clenches around you so tight that it has you not too far behind her. You let your body fall onto hers so she can feel you close as you ride her body through her orgasm, your hips rolling forwards all slow and calculated. "Good fucking girl" 

When she's finished you pull your hips back to slip your cock out of her. She whines, not liking the feeling of being empty but she doesn't say anything about it. "Where should I finish?" You question her, lifting your body off of hers. You get off of the bed and reach for the nightstand where the keys to the handcuffs are.

You grab them, then you un-cuff her "I'll be happy with whatever you choose, sir" she whimpers, breathing heavily as you move to flip her over.

It's a bit difficult to get a good grip on her sleek skin, but you're able to do it so she's flat on her stomach "Hands and knees." Belle immediately finds the strength to do so, pulling her body up so that she's in the position you've asked her to be in. You get behind her and your hands find her waist "I think I wanna cum in this tight pussy" You mutter, guiding your sensitive tip to her stretched cunt. 

It's begging to be filled again, to be pumped full of your seed.

"Then breed me babe" She breathes, pushing her ass back in an attempt to get you inside when she notices that you're teasing. You only smirk, then you part her lips with your tip, gathering up all the clear slick between her legs. "Come on" Belle moves her hips side to side.

First you run your palm over her soft, round ass and then you slap it harshly. She lets out a pleasureful shriek as you watch the red shape of your hand form on the pale skin. You run the same hand up her hips and stop at her waist which you grip tightly before slip your cock back into her needy cunt.

You put your other hand on her waist, holding her in place while you push your hips forwards. "Christ" You groan because she's way tighter in this position. Starting off slow seems like the right move at first because she's whimpering, so you do.

Until she lets the side of her head rest on the mattress, so she can look at you the best she can in this position. "Don't be afraid to get rough with me babe, I can handle it" She bites her bottom lip so hard you fear she might draw blood. "Use me" She begs you for the nth time with that perfectly seductive voice of hers, making it so hard for you to hold back. You weren't even sure what you were even holding back for anyways.

So while keeping a good grip on her waist, you begin to jackhammer your cock into that wet warmth. "Fuck!" A broken scream tears through her lips and it almost worries you but the lust takes over. You keep hearing it in the back of your mind. use her, use her, use her. So much that you don't care if you're going too hard "Yes! you're fucking me so... fucking good sir!" She keens.

You lean over and reach your hand to find a grip on her hair. She gasps at the sweet pain that comes with the rough pull of your fingers and she's forced to hold herself up with her arms again—which she can barely do. "You're fucking dripping baby" You grunt, getting off on the sharp crack that booms each time your hips come in contact with her round ass. "Such a good slut... taking it so well for me"

"Please" She whines, and you're not entirely sure what she's begging for "Please"

"Please what princess?" You almost growl, feeling your abs begin to burn.

She swallows thickly, moaning like she can't control herself. "f-f-fill me up.. I fucking—God—I fucking need it" 

It's coming, you can feel it in your balls. Her cunt is gripping you so perfectly, so smooth and slick that every drag has your jaw clenching and your mind going blank. You're so unbelievably close to stuffing her full of it--it's the only thing you can think about right now. "Yeah... Belle, gonna fucking... cum in you" Your breaths are labored now because the force you're fucking her with is tiring you out.

"God I'm gonna fucking-" Belle squeals, then a rush of clear liquid begins to spill out from between her legs and her mouth hangs open. The pressure almost kills you right then and there but you keep moving, you can't get enough of her. Even when another—more powerful—burst comes out you only grunt as it runs down her legs and stains the sheets.

"Ah...look at you—squirting for me" You'd chuckle if you weren't so close right now. You end up slowing it down, thrusting hard and deep into her cunt slowly. One. Belle shrieks. Two. She moans deeply.  Three. She bites her lip. Then four and your cock is pulsing and throbbing wildly inside of her the second you bury it inside of her on the fourth thrust. You moan loudly as you fill her needy cunt with your seed. There's so much that it's dripping down the side.

You can only sigh the little bit of breath you have left as it continues, your voice too broken and fucked up to do anything more. She only hums sweetly, giggling as you let go of your grip on her hair and your body collapses onto hers so you lay flat on the bed.

"Holy shit" You swallow, then you gather up the strength to sit yourself up and you put your hand on her now red ass, rubbing the cheek as you catch your breath. "Good girl" Then you remember that you should probably pull her out of her hypnotized state. "Sit up and close your eyes" You breathe. It takes her a moment, you watch as she sort of struggles to do as you say but eventually she does. "At the snap of my fingers, you will wake up"

You snap your fingers and her eyes open "Oh my God" is the only thing that comes out of her mouth. Her expression is unreadable and you're not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing for a second. Then Belle smiles and she climbs on top of you. You're surprised, but you allow it because the second she leans in to kiss you it just feels right. She pulls away "What the fuck? That was so hot" It's like she herself is surprised that it worked too.

"You remember?" You ask, knowing that sometimes people lose memory after they've been hypnotized, but it seems like Belle didn't.

Belle nods her head "Every second" Then she kisses you again "Especially when you fucked my tits, you could've told me you were into that" she teases, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth.

"I know you, you would've laughed at me"

"But I still would've let you do it" She nods

You tilt your head playfully doubting her words "Sure" Is all you say before she pushes you back so that you're laying down.

"Shut up" She mutters before putting her lips on yours again and you're both smiling into the passionate kiss, feeling that familiar fluttering feeling in your stomach. "Thank you for trying this out with me" She seems genuine about it.

You shake your head "I'll try any kinky shit you throw at me"

and there's no doubt you would

[notmorbid]

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

[yuikomorii]

AYAYUI IDOL AU: Chapter 4

// Note to self: Never write in places with barely any signal, or you risk losing everything you've written. After all this time, I've finally posted the fourth chapter. I apologize for the delay; it’s been a stressful period, but now I’m free again, so I'll try to stay more consistent! 😇

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

Ayato: ( Where the hell is she!? )

( Seriously, what kind of porter suddenly runs away from their job? She’s either a rookie who doesn’t know what she’s doing, or just a complete joke for real. )

*Ring Ring*

( Haa… that’s what was missing. )

— answers phone —

Ayato: What now?

Manager: Ayato-san, where are you? Subaru-san told me you left without a proper explanation, and the recordings need to start soon!

Ayato: ...!

( Oh no, the recordings! Fuck, I totally forgot about that! )

A-Ah, right. I got caught up with something, but it’s okay, I’ll be back soon.

Manager: No, you’ll be back right now. Do you understand?

Ayato: ( Shit, her voice dropped! She must really be pissed…! )

Fine, fine. I’m on my way, don’t worry! Just… give me a second.

Place: Hotel kitchen

Co-worker 1: Gosh, I’m so happy we’ll get to see them up close!

Co-worker 2: I know, right? I wonder how much better they look in person compared to pictures!

Co-worker 3: A friend who went to their Osaka concert told me their skin is even fairer in real life, and Ayato-kun’s face is incredibly small—like, even smaller than in photos!

Co-worker 4: Eeh!? Is that even possible? His face is already so small for his body, so isn’t it unfair to be this beautiful?

Yui: …

( At first, hearing them gush over these boys seemed sweet, but now... I’m not sure what to think anymore. )

*Flashback*

Ayato: Can’t you see? This is her responsibility, not yours, so let her do her job.

If she’s not capable of taking it seriously, then she just shouldn’t be working here anymore and risk damaging the hotel's reputation.

*Flashback ends*

Yui: ( That Ayato boy… so many people adore him, and they say he’s all sunshine offstage, but to be honest, he seemed completely different when I met him. )

( I know I shouldn’t be judgemental, but for some reason… I do feel a little sad that I didn’t leave a good first impression. )

( I guess that’s why he acted like that towards me. He’s an idol, after all, and he must deal with all sorts of pressures on a daily basis. I can’t help but think anyone would get stressed in that kind of situation… )

( Nevertheless, if I ever get the chance to speak with him again, I’ll definitely apo——)

— hears a bunch of screams —

Yui: ( What on— )

…!

( They’re in the kitchen! )

Ayato: ( Wait… is that the porter—? )

Subaru: ( Haven’t we seen that girl before? )

Chief: Alright, girls, lower your voices and clear out of the kitchen. We’ve got work to do.

Co-worker 5: What? No way! Are we seriously not allowed to watch the cooking episode live!?

Co-worker 6: Please, let us stay! We promise we won’t interfere with the maknae line!

Chief: ( Haa… they're all giving me puppy eyes now. )

I’m really sorry, girls, but—

Ayato: Wait, I’ve got an idea!

Everyone: Eeh!?

Subaru: ( I don’t like the sound of this… )

Ayato: To make things fair, how about this: Each of us picks one of the girls to help us cook. That way, two lucky fans will get involved too, isn’t it great?

Chief: Actually… that’s not a bad idea at all! In fact, we could turn it into a full-on cooking contest.

The winners… hmm… oh yeah! They will receive ultimate access to all of the hotel’s facilities—including our newest room, the onsen.

— hears gasping sounds —

Subaru: ( I’d rather lose than deal with that… )

Ayato: Hmph, fair enough. I’m in.

— smirks and looks at Subaru —

What about you?

Subaru: ( Ugh… but I guess I have no choice now. )

Fine, whatever. Let’s just get this over with.

— hears squealing —

( Man, don’t make me regret this… )

Ayato: Alright, since no one’s stepping up, this Ayato-sama will go first~!

Eenie, Meenie, Miney… You! The blonde one with pink hairpin!

Subaru: ( Hah? The porter girl? )

Yui: …!?

( He recognized me! )

( Oh no, what if he’s planning to teach me a lesson? He might be an idol, but after all… you never really know what kind of person someone truly is…! I don’t even know what to do right now…! )

( Uhh… I guess I could just pretend I didn’t hear him? Maybe if I act like I didn’t notice, he’ll think I’m not interested and pick someone else instead! )

— starts looking around —

Ayato: Don’t play dumb, I know you heard me, kuku~.

— gets closer —

Co-worker 4: ( I’m so jealous! )

Co-worker 6: ( Ugh… that should have been me! )

Yui: A-Ah, sorry! I was just… so caught off guard, I didn’t realize at first.

— giggles awkwardly —

( This is already so embarrassing…! Now he probably thinks I’m not only unserious but an airhead too! )

Ayato: Nah, don’t worry about it. I get it—you must be nervous getting picked by an idol and all, no? But heyyy, chill a bit, you can make up for it in the kitchen.

— grins and wraps arm around her shoulder —

Yui: ( W-Wait, what? )

Ayato: Until Subaru chooses his cooking partner, let’s settle ourselves in our part of the kitchen, hm?

— starts heading to different section —

Yui: ( Why is he suddenly being so… friendly? )

( Could it be that’s just how he actually is…? )

( A-Anyway! It’s none of my business, so I shouldn’t worry about it. I’m sure it’ll be fine, right? )

( …Right? )

*timeskip*

Yui: ( We’ve already set up all the necessary cooking tools, so everything should be ready to go… but it feels kind of weird. )

( He hasn’t said a single word this whole time. I can’t tell if he’s just focused on something or if he’s deliberately ignoring me… Either way, the silence is starting to feel a little unsettling. )

Ayato: ( Tch… why isn’t she saying anything? I thought teenagers were supposed to be obsessed with idols—excited, giggly, trying to get close. But this one? She’s just standing there like she’s afraid to even breathe near me. What’s even her deal? )

( Wait… does she actually fear me now? I mean, yeah, I wasn’t exactly nice when she was carrying the luggage, but are people really that sensitive?)

( Haa… whatever. If this awkwardness keeps up, it’s just going to ruin the mood for everything. I should just suck it up and take this as an opportunity to apologize. )

Oi! You… You’re the porter girl, right?

Yui: …!

( Uuh… I guess there’s no point in pretending… If I try to lie about it, I’ll just make things even more complicated. )

Y-Yeah, that’s so.

Ayato: …Sorry. You know, for earlier.

Yui: …!?

( Did he just… apologize to me? )

Ah, t-there’s no need to! If anything, I should be the one apologizing for my poor performance.

( While it’s true that his words weren’t that pleasant to hear, I still need to take responsibility for my part in this too. )

The truth is… I’m not actually a hotel porter. The only reason I was acting like one was because the real porter couldn’t make it today, so I had to step in.

I know I wasn’t very good at it, and I was so clumsy that I probably could’ve broken something important in your luggage…

That said, I really hope I didn’t cause too much trouble for you or your group mate.

Ayato: ( Well, I really wasn’t expecting all that as an answer, but as long as we’re good, that’s what matters. )

You didn’t, it’s okay.

Let’s just stop dwelling on this and get cooking~!

Yui: Fufu, alright! What do you think would be good to make?

Ayato: Takoyaki!

Yui: Takoyaki? That’s...

( I mean, Takoyaki is surely delicious, but isn’t it a little too casual for a cooking contest? )

S-Sure, it sounds nice, but uhm… wouldn’t you prefer something a bit fancier?

Ayato: Hah? What are you talking about? Everyone loves Takoyaki! It’s a crowd favorite!

Plus, it’s not hard to make at all— we’ll have it done in no time, and it’s pretty much impossible to mess it up, right?

Yui: ( Hmm... he’s got a point. Takoyaki is easy and tasty, so I guess it’s not the worst choice. )

( Actually, I think I’ve got an idea! )

How about making two dishes? We can start with the Takoyaki as a snack and then make something else as the main course!

That way, we can keep things light and fun with the Takoyaki, but also have something a bit more substantial for the actual meal. What do you think?

Ayato: Heh, not bad! That sounds pretty smart.

But what exactly do you mean by "something more substantial"?

Yui: Maybe… Japanese-style Pot-au-feu? It’s healthy and comforting, so I feel like it would be perfect for a main dish.

Ayato: ( Never heard of it, but she seems to know her stuff. I’ll just nod along and pretend I know what she’s talking about. )

Yeah, sounds great! Let’s get started!

*timeskip*

Yui: Wha—! What are you doing!?

Ayato: Hah? I’m just adding vegetables in the pot?

Yui: But you have to remove the stem from the turnip first!

Ayato: Eh? Oh!!

— starts removing it —

Ayato: Done!

— tries to throw it in the pot —

Yui: Wait, don’t! You have to peel the turnip now!

Ayato: Pfft, right. I was just kidding~.

( How exactly does one peel? )

Yui: ( Something tells me this guy has never cooked before… )

( I don’t know why, but I find it kinda cute though. )

( His status is higher than mine but as we’re spending time together, I realize he’s just a normal teenage boy after all. )

( Fufu, instead of stressed, these moments feel a bit comforting. )

I-If you’re not very good with that, I could do it instead! You could cut the rest of the vegetables until I peel the turnips.

Ayato: ( Phew, thanks goodness! I thought I was going to embarrass myself there. )

Hmm… alright then! Let’s switch!

( Cutting can’t be that hard, no? )

( I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time I do that, unlike with peeling. )

( Heh, right. It will be piece of cake. )

Yui: Here are the vegetables that still need to be cut and here is the knife. If you need anything else, feel free to tell me.

— Ayato nods —

Ayato: ( Dunno why but this girl seems low-key cool. Of course, not cooler than an idol such as myself, but she somehow feels… natural? No, maybe that’s not the right word, but it’s just that she’s surprisingly a nice company? )

( Heh, it almost feels like a pity that we won’t see each other after this day. )

( This whole thing reminds me of the girl I met that night. )

( …Huh? Why am still think— )

Ouch!

Yui: Eh? What happened?

Ayato: Ugh, I was cutting those things and accidentally cut myself but haa… it’s fine, no worries.

Yui: Oh no, your finger is bleeding!

Ayato: As I said, it’s fi——

Yui: Quick! Please, take this!!

— gives him water compress —

Ayato: Huh…?

( Wait a little—! )

*Flashback*

Ayato: Hnn... Ngh!

( What... what should I do now!? )

???: Quick! Please, drink this!!

— hands him water —

Ayato: Huh...?

*Flashback ends*

Ayato: …!

( This girl…— )

[asarajaa]

Hola reinona, hermosa, guapísima y todos los elogios hermosos que se te pueden ocurrir. Can you please, PLEASE write some headcanons or maybe a one-shot for our baby Conner Kent?? I feel like there isn't enough of them. I just want a simple one with a lot of fluff pretty please. Maybe something in the line of reader watching him train or something like that. Thank you so much gorgeous 🫶🫶🫶.

Ps: Can I be your 🐍 anon? Every time you see a snake emoji isn't me jeje.

Of course! I hope you like it!

Warnings: gn!reader, it can be planotic or romantical (whatever you like the most), friends to lovers (?) Words: 461 Disclaimer: English isn't my first language so I apologise for any mistakes or misunderstandings!

₊˚ෆ Conner Kent is a show off. Like please, I dare you to say that it’s not true.

₊˚ෆ He’s gonna invite you to a training session so that he can act like he’s too focused on the training to even look at you but in reality his making all the good moves he knows so that he could “impress” you. Not like he needed, but you let him be.

₊˚ෆ After some “watching him training sessions”, he would slowly but firmly starting to teach you some moves for self defense. If you already know some, he would be more than happy to train with you or help you to improve.

₊˚ෆ Kon likes to think he's just a shout away, but he knows how unpredictable life could be. That’s why he would  insist on teaching you self defense, he hopes you never get to use them, but you know, just in case.

₊˚ෆ You two would be on the training room, sparring, an speaker on full volume with a playlist both of you made.

₊˚ෆ You reached a point where he actually began to think his movements better, since you were improving so much.

₊˚ෆ Of course, you two could cheat at every chance you got, let’s be for real.

₊˚ෆ A little moment where Kon he got too distracted by your closeness? He was down.

₊˚ෆ A little moment where you felt your body burn on the part he was touching? You were down.

“Conner!” you shouted with a laugh in between, your back hitting the training mat, Conner on top of you as he began to tickle you “Tha-That’s cheating!” you said as you began to try to get him off and stop him.

“Oh, so now i’m the cheater, huh?” he teased with a little smirk, loving your laugh. “At least i’m not using a kiss on the cheek as an attack”

You couldn’t help but laugh at both his tickles and comments.

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry!” you said as quickly as you felt your abdomen hurt for laughing so much, eyes watery by the laughs. “I surrender!”

“There you go, how much did it cost, you little cheater?” Conner said as his hands stopped tickling, now just caressing gently your sides, a little genuine and innocent show of comfort.

“I’m never training with you again” you huffled with a smile, relaxing by his caresses.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, sweetheart.” he rolled his eyes, smirking at your dramatic answer.

₊˚ෆ You tend to lose, but when you win? He’s the first one to smile proudly at you, showering you with compliments, trying to get you to repeat the move and always pushing you to your limit.

₊˚ෆ At least, he can go to missions at peace knowing that you know how to take care of yourself.

So sorry ofr makeing it so short anon :(, right now i'm in my finals and I decided to write a quick hc with the excuse of taking a break. Maybe i'll add more things with the pass of the time (?), i'm not sure.

© asarajaa — Please, do not copy, translate or reuse my work without my permission.

[stvllioner]

Third Date | t. amajiki

      Pro Hero!Yandere!Tamaki Amajiki x [FEM]Reader

WARNING(S): sexual content, possessive ideations, stalking, mentions of voyeurism, Tamaki was pinning for awhile, sex after third date, oral sex (f ->m), age gap (~3 years), (new) established relationship.

COUNT: 1.9k words.

READ MORE: masterlist | adult masterlist

A/N: this originally was supposed to be a losing virginity fic but wasn't really feeling it.... I'll have to go back and edit some stuff if I do make a pt. 2 into that. this was supposed to be from a req but it def ain't it follow the order. 😭 so here's this, ig.

You looked so beautiful tonight.

Alas, finally , it wasn't only meetings and missions that you two found yourselves busy with seeing each other. Instead, you were now officially dating and here you were in the back of his car at the end of your third date. Consequently, today was the third date you two have been on and he was getting ready to propose. Yes, propose.

There was no better sight than observing the way your tongue gilded so effortlessly against the underside of his cock, your taste buds adding a rough and smooth sensation that made him shiver. Just as you made it to the tip, you looked up at him in the dimly lit car, holding back a smirk as you watched him tremble and tense up at the undivided attention from you. Softly humming in delight you finally take in his cock once again and moan as you relax your throat to deep throat his third leg.

Before you had agreed to dating the young man, you were very much aware of his “crush”.

You had never interacted with him that much and hardly knew about him from your school years; except for the strong title of being in the “Big 3”. That wasn't a title to take very lightly if we're being honest. Him and his friends (or friend, rather) would watch their seniors train, and he wasn't the first or last individual to be entranced by you. Though, unlike the others who would simply try to impress or strike up conversations with you, he was the opposite. Amajiki would quietly watch from afar, drag behind, be the most unnoticeable person in the room which is what intrigued you. Soon you'd realize he was everywhere and when he graduated he was officially part of the same agency as you. As slick as he thought he was, you could tell what he was trying to achieve.

So you played along too, only because you found it amusing. You never had interest in him as you chalked it up to him just really admiring you a lot and his passiveness wasn't really your style anyways. Besides that, he wasn’t the only dedicated fan you had seen from over the years. But nothing could prepare you for his actual intentions. It wasn't until he started making advances as the years progressed that you had no choice but to take him seriously and not only mistake him for being an avid #1 fan.

What you didn't know is why he wouldn't overtly make himself known to you.

From the incident which you don't even remember as your first time meeting him, was the day you saved his life. You two had lived in the same district as one another and of course you being the more trained and skilled aspiring hero meant that you were out on the field quite often.

One of the days where Tamaki thought it was high time for him to go out by himself was when a villain decided to wreak havoc. Although he could have most certainly fought the villain off if his diet was right that day, he likes to think that the slim chance was because you two were destined to meet. To keep it real simple, you changed his trajectory. Effortlessly with a strong grip and amazing prowess, it was obvious that you were meant to be a hero and sooner than later, his love.

When you had asked him if he was alright and checked up on him once the villain was apprehended, he could barely manage to verbally reply to you. Pathetically nodding his head ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to whatever you asked of him. It was only then he finally felt comfortable in aligning himself with his destined path to become a hero. Your courageous attitude and kind nature was more natural than anything.

The years he spent in school he studied you along with his regular material. Tamaki would watch you closely and miss no chance to see you in person. When he'd hear anyone bad mouthing you they would no longer exist, the idea of someone so lost and in denial couldn't and shouldn't be breathing the same air as you.

He'd lament the days and nights where it'd be rumored of you having your relationships, hell, you even had a partner when you saved him that fateful evening. But none of that stopped him from getting rid of them, just like he had done with the people who spoke ill of you. You only needed him in your life; anyone who could step between that was a threat he was more than willing to get rid of. Besides, it added as extra training to his schedule anyways.

When he had finally integrated himself into your agency is when it felt like he was officially reaching somewhere with you. The moment you two made eye contact and you remembered his face only meant one thing: you two were meant to be. He didn't care if you didn't remember his name. He didn't care if he had to get rid of the people who were trying to stand between you two. He didn't care even if he had to play the long game. Tamaki could wait, but this was the sure sign that you were finally meant to be his.

So he courted you. Made sure both of your schedules aligned, kept his eye on you and made sure to place himself in your life like he should have done many moons ago. He'd get you small things, finish your sentences and even saved you from a few close calls regarding management and the public eye. It was only a matter of time he asked you out and you said yes.

The first few dates you two had were the best ones you had ever been on, at least that's what you told him. Unbeknownst to you, Tamaki had been saving his money since the first day he laid his eyes on you, specifically gathering his resources just for this moment. He even monitored you on the countless of dates you've been on just to make sure when he got his rightful chance to be with you, he would get it right the first time.

The first date he had to take it slow. The way you dressed up so nice just for him, treated him kindly and smelled so, so, so good had Tamaki obsessed with you (not like he wasn't already before). It was hard to control himself with the slutty outfit you chose to wear, though. Tamaki vividly forged the memory of how your bottoms fit snug around the right places and how your top gave a peak of what hid underneath. Wasn't anything he hadn't seen but he had wished he could have been able to see a closer look that night.

He had picked you up from your penthouse and taken you to a fancy dinner on a terrace, separated from everyone else. The way your eyes lit up and how your hand absentmindedly gripped his forearm in masked excitement was an unforgettable moment. How you leaned into his ear to keep your voice at a formal volume, later gripping his hand and squeezing it in your mildly sweaty palms. Immediately his third leg twitched to life, more than it already had been, from feeling you innocently place your hands on him. Tamaki would've done everything in his power to kiss you right then and there but he had to hold himself back.

The second date was more relaxed, taking you to an exhibition though it was still formal nonetheless. Most memorable were the pictures you insisted you guys took together, offhandedly remarking how much you wanted to visit an art museum as it had been so long since you had last seen one. He had known that of course, often eavesdropping on your conversations with friends about it. That same night when he dropped you off home and walked you to your door, your face was as bright as ever and you two never broke eye contact. He was practically itching to lean in and kiss you until you took the initiative upon yourself. He was so taken aback that he completely froze up, unable to believe that he's finally been able to feel your lips on his.

You had laughed when you pulled away, telling him you'd see him again on Monday and left him awestruck in infatuation.

In complete embarrassment, he had sent you flowers as a good morning gift along with your favorite sweets to thank you for going out with him. Needless to say, you certainly didn't hate your evening out as you were the first to ask when he'd be available soon after. You had invited him out to an arcade you've been wanting to try and figured he'd be the best candidate for the venture.

Which brings you to your third date, with you in the back seat of his car; hand wrapped around his cock as your tongue teased at his sensitive tip while your other hand fondled his swollen balls. He hadn't planned for it to pan out like this but he certainly wasn't complaining.

All his hard work was worth the outcome. With the heavy tints on his windows, having the lights on as his car sat in the almost desolate parking lot wasn't as nerve-wracking as it could've been. Not that he would mind the risk of someone else seeing you like this, he merely cared about the fact you would create a fuss if you were caught. He tried not to get jealous and butter thinking about it, but his eyes did narrow in mild discontent at not being first. The way that your mouth took in his length expertly showed the many instances of experience you've had. Before he only had the chance to peek through a window or maybe a closet door, and that most certainly didn't beat having the real thing for himself. It took everything in him not to cum just from the first contact you had with him tonight.

Just as his thoughts slow to a stand still, you bobbed your head faster, hand still deft in busying itself with his cock and balls that couldn't fit in your mouth. You moaned at the taste of his creamy pre-cum hitting the back of the throat, fighting the urge to gag on his impressive length. It wasn't until he started bucking his hips into your mouth that you had to grip his hips to sturdy yourself, except he took that as a sign to carry on.

Your muffled whimpers and the erotic sounds of him now throat fucking you filled the car. His large hands had found solace in the beautiful mane of your hair, pushing and pulling to just to get the right pace going. You were evidently struggling to keep up but he has no problem teaching you how. But for now, it wasn't important. The moment you two made eye contact all he could think about how alluring you looked in the dim lights as your submissive eyes looked up at him for guidance.

“C-Cum…!” Tamaki’s face flushed even darker as he failed to express what he meant and tilted his head back against the awkward juncture of the window and his backseat.

A gurgle from you follows his warning, face fully pressed into his pelvis and stuffed into his tuft. Admittedly you were dripping under your clothes from this encounter alone, now getting a proper whiff of his musk sending you into a state that was unbearable.

You greedily bobbed your head to coax him to fruition, more than happy to take it in. You softly hum as you suck him of all he's worth and slowly pull away once you are finished. A string of saliva connects your bruised lips to his wet length, your tongue darting out to lick your lips with a teasing smile to follow. You lightly tap his thigh for him to look at you, and reach up to cup his jaw in a gentle grasp as you invited him,

“We’re not too far from my house, let's get you all cleaned up.”

all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter, translate or copy this work.

[elliottswaterlilies]

So what's Crystal's/Potato's backstory exactly? Like did Uzi and N come across her while hunting and collectively decided "our baby now"? Also I did notice she only seems to have one arm, did she lose the other one?

Potato's lore [which I'll just refer her as for simplicity sakes; also bc bouncing her diff names may get confusing] is actually kinda. Sad </3 so incoming for implied heavy themes;; also kinda long, I like to ramble soooo yeah :p

Potato was actually found by V first!

V was out finding drone parts for Nori [who has gotten a body at this point in this continuation. also the disassembly drones kinda?? (not entirely) work under Nori] when she stumbled upon a couple of murked drones, precisely a deceased couple & pod. It struck her as odd since she didn't recognize who the drones were or the fact there didn't seem like any of the disassemblers were behind it. Her attention was grabbed by a nearby, busted out car, & that's where she would find Potato; laying there, injured & scared, somehow surviving whatever had attacked the family.

Obvs first instinct was to bring the droneling [funny name ik] back & she was put under Nori's watch for awhile.. mostly bc V was unsure if she was qualified to take care of another kid, at least at the time [which in this continuation/au, she is paired up with Lizzy & those two already have a kid named Harley (owned by my bro @teddyberrii)].

That's really when Uzi & N step in, since at this point the two have been trying for a kid for awhile now to no avail; they didn't know Potato was in the Doorman residence/Nori's workshop until her little head poked out the doorway & they all stared at each other like deer in headlights. It is safe to say that Potato was already up Uzi's leg, clinging to her like a baby koala & she simply accepted the drone as her new kiddo [especially since it would a week or two & no additional family member of hers seemed to come pick up Potato... so she was officially a Doorman.]

Regarding some of Potato's scars [on her face, the lack of an arm, etc], they were inflicted. She's almost completely mute & doesn't really talk; essentially Potato's been through some.. hardy stuff & honestly it takes a long time to really come to terms with a lot of things [childhood trauma does wonders for you /sar.] However, pretty much after getting adopted by Uzi & N.. her life gets better! Despite now being in a family of, what everyone assumes, of mix-matched monsters & unimaginable eldritch horrors.. she is very happy! She gets to grow up with parents that love her dearly & recover from that past trauma.

Will I go into more Potato lore? Yeah, I plan to; not trying to be too secretive since I'm unsure if I'll ever make a story outta this but eh we'll see.. hope this answers something for you anon <3

..also if you, or anyone else, are curious; Potato's real name is Crystal. I just refer to her as Potato bc that was her placeholder name.. & I just never got rid of it! Thought it was funny.

[lsunstreakerl]

I said "SH but I give GP a gun" and @farvres said "but like actually" so uhhhhh. here u guys go have a lil 1k brainworm. I guess this would be like, dark redbull? organized crime redbull? (more than) slightly insane redbull? listen, they're toxic. they still love max. these things can coexist.

so here's a little alternative universe, where things are much darker but it's somehow still redbull as family. this takes place in a split off of "Warning", after Max has had his tonsils removed and is recovering in Bedford with GP and Alice.

Gianpiero is seething in Christian's office, pacing across the floor. Christian isn't sure if he's ever seen his mild mannered friend this angry.

"GP-"

"No, don't start with me."

GP's hand flexes and curls from where he's clenching and unclenching his fists.

"You didn't fucking see it, Christian. He's so- he's tiny, in our guest room. He's tiny, and he doesn't even think he's allowed to have honey in his tea. The fucking- the idea that Alice and I want to take care of him after a surgery, that he doesn't have to handle it on his own- Christian, he doesn't even understand it."

GP stands in front of Christian's desk, one palm pressed flat as he leans down. Christian keeps his posture steady, even if he's never quite seen this look in GP's eyes before.

"If someone treated my daughter like that-"

Christian is wondering how much favor he's going to need to pull with Dietrich to cover up whatever Gianpiero is planning.

"I'd fucking kill them."

Christian nods. He's running ideas through his head, absentmindedly clicking his pen.

"Now would be the best time. Max is still recovering, he might not realize something suspicious right away."

GP pauses, looking thoughtfully at Christian.

"Redbull parties a lot- it's not out of the question for everyone to be together."

Christian nods, leaning back in his chair. GP is settling back into his skin, has that calculated look back on his face.

"Jos is known for drinking and driving. I always worry about him- it would be a real shame if something happened."

Gianpiero hums.

"It would, wouldn't it."

Christian tilts his head to the side, trying to gauge just how serious this is. There are rumors around the paddock, that the teams are like cults. Ferrari bears the brunt of them- they've been around too long, too many cultures and superstitions. It's too easy for the public to pick up on their oddities, the kind of strange behavior younger teams can get away with.

Even the drivers think it's a joke. It's not a part of the business they're involved in, usually. Fernando and Michael were... exceptions.

Christian brushes his fingers against cool metal secured underneath his desk.

"Someone would need to take care of Max. It would be devastating for him. He still thinks of that man as his father."

Gianpiero narrows his eyes. He's firm when he speaks, voice hard.

"Max would stay with me."

Christian nods.

"Of course, he'd still need to drive. But he'd be a bit closer to home that way, wouldn't he. Maybe a few trips a year to Austria."

Gianpiero is assessing Christian carefully.

"He'd be better taken care of."

"He would, yes."

There's a moment of silence as they both watch each other- trying to decide if they're really doing this. Usually, when a team operates after hours, there's a competitive reason. To get directly involved in a drivers personal life- it's rare.

Then again, Redbull has always been the exception. Max is one of theirs, golden boy in the making. He's already got little pockmarks of red, attachments to younger drivers, to Ferrari. They'll have to stamp that out.

Though- Christian supposes it would be okay to let him keep a few attachments. They're too soft on him, he's going to end up spoiled and rotten, but the way Gianpiero has his hand curled into a fist-

Christian has never seen anyone get under his skin like this.

"I'll schedule a meeting with Dietrich."

Gianpiero looks down his nose at him.

"Soon."

Christian nods.

"Tomorrow morning."

------

Gianpiero leans next to Alice in the doorway. Max is asleep in one of his old Jordan GP shirts, softly snoring into the pillow. He's all skin and bones, twitchy and nervous, unsettled in their home.

Alice looks over at him.

"You boys better be fixing this."

Gianpiero leans over to kiss her gently.

"I know, my love. You're retired."

She smiles against his lips.

"Not where our children are concerned I'm not."

She nods her head towards where Max is asleep.

"And he's one of our children, isn't he?"

Gianpiero feels a smile tick at the corner of his mouth. Max is in bad shape now, but-

They'll fix it. They'll protect him, teach him how to smooth over his blunt edges. He'll be surrounded by love, here and at Redbull, the way he should be.

He's not so confident they'd be able to secure him the Ferrari boy, because their claws are in too deep, he drips Rosso Corsa already, but Max has taken a shine to Daniel, and they can keep Carlos if they play their cards right.

Gianpiero will make it happen. Securing the perfect setup for Max, making sure he has the optimal environment for growth, that he has everything he needs-

Well. That's quite literally his job.

------

Alice is home with Max, still knocked out on pain meds. They've maybe been giving him a bit too much the past few days, but Gianpiero doesn't want to risk Max realizing something is suspicious. They'll wean him off of it soon as they ease him back into race prep, and the whole thing will just be a blurry haze of days he doesn't really remember, interspersed with a tragedy that isn't all that tragic.

He watches apathetically as the high beams sink below the water. He'd liked this fishing hole, because it was deep, and he's not going to be able to use it for a while now.

Gianpiero stays on the edge of the bank for a bit, making sure nothing floats up. The car is sunk, doors sealed shut. He doesn't feel bad in the slightest. He'd even been humane about it, Christian's gun sitting cool in the holster on his ribs.

Alice wouldn't have been so kind.

He waits for the water to settle before he turns and starts making his way back home. It's a lovely night out, really.

He should teach Max how to identify the constellations at some point. It could be helpful if he's lost- not that Gianpiero ever intends to let that happen.

Some race engineers fail their drivers. They don't mesh, or they aren't devoted enough, aren't willing to do what it takes.

Gianpiero leaves Jos to his watery grave behind him.

He and Max are going to be just fine.

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map Post-Script

After two months of so, my little writing experiment At Sea Without a Map has come to an end. And because I'm vain, I not only felt compelled to share it, but to talk about it in depth after the fact, so here we are. This is going to be long, though, so I'm not only going to break it into sections, but put it all under the cut for the sake of your dashboard. So go ahead and dive into the depths of the Sea of Monsters with me one more time!

Part 1: Never Stop Blowing Up

The writing process of Wizard School Mysteries Book 3 was really strained - not because of the book itself, mind you. When I was actually able to work on it, Book 3 came together really well - I think it required the least substantial rewrites of any my novels thus far. It's just that real life was kind of beating the shit out of me while I was trying to get it done - or maybe the better metaphor was that it was just slowly but steadily draining me of energy all the time. I'm honestly surprised I got the book out in roughly the same amount of time as the first two - by the way life had been treating me, it should have taken longer.

But when I got done with it I was accutely aware of how tired I was. I still had the creative drive, but fuck I needed something simple as a palette cleanser - something easy, and more importantly, something that was allowed to be bad. I needed something creative to do that was surplus to requirements and fully within its rights to suck ass so long as I had fun making it.

Around this time, I decided to rewatch Dimension 20's Never Stop Blowing Up. Brief explanation of what that is: Dimension 20 is an actual play show, i.e. a recording of people playing D&D and other TTRPGs. I'd say its reputation is built on the contrast of its main DM, Brennan Lee Mulligan, who makes these meticulously crafted campaign plans, and his chaotic band of improv comedian players who promptly derail those plans spectacularly. Like, a good deal of the show's humor comes from Emily Ashford or Ally Beardsly doing something so off-the-wall that it shatters whatever the scene was going to be and creates a far more absurd and zany spectacle in its place. Which is why Never Stop Blowing Up is pretty notable, because it's the one campaign where Brennan himself is the agent of chaos, fully unleashing his own brand of madness that the players struggle to keep up with. And fuck does he seem to have fun with it.

Of course, all of the analysis above is purely from the outside looking in - it's likely that a lot of the "chaos" is played up for the audience. But still... there is something to the idea of a person who's been working on meticulously structured stories letting loose and just doing something extremely stupid.

So I decided to give myself a Never Stop Blowing Up moment - a short story that would be simple by design, with no standards to live up to or goal beyond "have fun telling a silly little story." I then came up with a few key criteria:

It can't be set in the Midgaheim/ATOM universe. I don't want the burden of figuring out where this story would fit among others.

It's gotta be a romance. People who've read my books might have picked up on the fact that I like to write about people falling in love, for the same reason I like to write about fire-breathing reptiles and friendly monsters (i.e. I use writing to indulge in things I'll never experience in real life). I've only used romance as subplots in my fiction before, and tend to feel a bit guilty if I focus on it too long - like I'm being self indulgent. Well, this is all about self indulgence, so the romance should be front and center.

It's gotta be SIMPLE, episodic even. Not complex plotting required.

I almost chose my xenomorph romance for this, but I had developed its outline to the point where it would be too complex to fit. I then considered a sort of superhero story that could be pitched as "what if Bringing Up Baby but Katherine Hepburn's character is a Harley Quinn-esque supervillain and Cary Grant's character gets turned into some sort of horrifying genetic mutant in the first ten minutes." That one hit a weird roadblock when I got to the character brainstorming phase (the first phase of any writing project I do) - I was trying to figure out what the mad scientist who turns out Cary Grant-figure into a mutant would be named, came up with the name "Dr. Skullfuck," immediately realized that having a character named "Dr. Skullfuck" is a Mark Millar-ass writing move that I could not allow myself to do, but then couldn't stop thinking of the name "Dr. Skullfuck" and giggling, which just brought all thinking to a grinding halt on that project.

(I'll still probably do it someday, though - just, you know, without Dr. Skullfuck)

Inspiration struck again, though. I'd been getting into Epic: The Musical, a musical retelling of The Odyssey, and it put me in the mood for a sea monster story. But, more than that, it got me thinking about one particular archetype from sea monster stories - but that brings us to the next part of this Post Script...

Part 2: It Was Always About Calibani

Ok, so, one of the big changes Epic: The Musical made involved Odysseus's encounter with the sirens, and before you read more of my rambling, I'd like you to watch two animatics for the two songs in question here:

A summary: one of the sirens takes the form of Odysseus's wife to try and tempt him into getting in the water, Odysseus tricks her into giving him directions, captures her and the rest of her kind, and proceeds to have his men slaughter them horribly. In the OG story the sirens don't die - nor does their song involve imitating a man's wife, for that matter, it's just a really pretty song.

This is done for an important narrative purpose - Epic: The Musical is focused on analyzing the moral ambiguity of Odysseus, and how it is constantly challenged by the impossible choices he is forced to make in his attempt to get home. At this point in the musical, Odysseus has decided to stop trying to be a compassionate man, shirking all mercy in favor of utter ruthless pursuit of his goals. These two songs are meant to be unsettling as hell - this is the beginning of a series of heartless choices by both Odysseus and his men that will culminate in the mutiny and complete annihilation of Odysseus's crew, as well as Odysseus himself being so hopelessly stranded that nothing short of divine intervention will save him.

I bring this up because when I first heard these two songs - specifically while watching these two animatics - it, like... it devastated me. I was so horrified and sad, so shaken by it. And part of it was for the reasons outlined above, but admittedly that wasn't the gut reaction I had. No, my immediate reaction was, and I quoute my own broken brain verbatim here: "You can't kill the sirens! They're not for killing, they're for loving!"

...now, those of you who know me are probably not surprised by this very stupid sentiment coming from me. One of my more popular posts is just me talking about how down bad I would be for various folkloric monsters whose whole shtick is "looks like a pretty lady but Watch Out." But as a person filled with immense self loathing and doubt, my brain immediately looked at that very stupid sentiment I expressed and said, "Wait, no, that's fucking dumb, I'm fucking dumb. The sirens are remorseless murderers. These sirens in particular preyed upon a man's love for his wife, who he has not seen in twelve years, to convince him to let them kill him. They are, by all standards of morality, Very Fucking Evil, and if they were not women you would not feel bad about them getting killed."

And as my brain argued with itself over this topic, I got to thinking about the various monstrous/othered sea women of The Odyssey - not just the sirens, but the witch Circe, the nymph Calypso, the monsters Scylla and Charybdis. And I thought about the others of their kind in other myths and folktales - selkies, mermaids, etc.

There's an archetype of sea monster that focuses entirely on one specific anxiety sailors are prone to, namely the fact that (for a good deal of human history) being on a boat meant spending a lot of time away from women. The horror of this monster is how it uses that desire for female company to tempt people into danger - like a mirage, it leads you to expose yourself to danger in pursuit of an illusory comfort.

But, unlike real world mirages, these monstrous sea women DO exist in their stories. More than that, they're often, like, sad and lonely. Their narrative purpose is just to be a temptation, but that doesn't change the fact that they do have lives of their own in these worlds. And, softie that I am, I can't help feeling sad for them, especially the ones who actually seem to want the same companionship the sailors they tempt want. Sailors don't stay with their Circes, they don't marry their Calypsos. The sirens live on a barren rock, alone, Scylla is left to wallow in misery at her monstrous form, and the selkie always has to leave for fear of being trapped by a person who won't love her on her terms.

I realized I had my hook for this simple, easy, silly little sea monster romance story: I was going to give a sea woman the happy ending she'd never get from anyone else.

Sailor may be the protagonist, but make no mistake: At Sea Without a Map was always, always, ALWAYS about Calibani.

The goal with Calibani was simple: I was going to set up a fairly standard Monstrous Sea Woman, but where other stories would let her be in one episode of the travel narrative and move on, this one would stick around. She'd be an unambiguous predator of human beings - an open and admitted maneater - but she would have no true malice to her. She, like all predators, eats what she can get to survive, and it just so happens that she's adapted to eat humans. And the story would pose the same question to the reader that my brain posed to me during Different Beast: is there any way you could make a siren-style sea monster sympathetic? Can you make a normal person who doesn't have my particular brain rot look at a maneating siren and think, "You're not supposed to kill her, you're supposed to love her!"

One of the few unavoidable plot points of At Sea Without a Map was that Calibani and Sailor's relationship would become romantic. What kind of romance it was could have varied substantially - it could have been one-sided, it could have been toxic, it could have been far more tragic OR far more comedic. But it was always, always going to be a romance of some sort - the goal of this experiment was to make you, the reader, love Calibani. All else was icing on the cake.

I decided to base Calibani's personality on Miranda from The Tempest - i.e. a sweet girl who is both wordly and naive, who understands the strange setting of our "lost at sea" story far better than the audience viewpoint character does, but views the mundane world of the audience viewpoint character with wonder and naiveté. In fact I almost named her Miranda outright... except I already had a character in the setting I chose for this story who had that name, and as an allusion to the same Shakespearean character no less. So I settled on naming her after Miranda's adoptive sibling (of sorts), Caliban - more fitting in some ways, as Caliban is a fish-human hybrid who is arguable more native to the magic island in The Tempest than Miranda herself.

(Calibani isn't the only Tempest name homage, either - her mother, Sycorax, takes her name directly from Caliban's unseen but oft-spoken of witch mother. Dr. Antonia Warefore takes her first name from Antonio, one of the human villains in The Tempest who hopes to use being lost at sea as a way to perform a coup. And the mothman Iriel takes her name from Ariel, the wind spirit in The Tempest who aids the wizard Prospero in controlling the magic island. If Sailor has a "real" name, it's probably either Ferdinand or Miranda, the two lovers who manage to blend civilization and the wilderness together with their romance.)

Visually, I wanted Calibani to not be any common archetype of sea monster woman, but rather something that evokes the popular images while still being her own thing. She's not a mermaid or a siren or a selkie - she's basically "what if a sea serpent was also a girl." In-universe, she's chubby because she, like all marine megafauna, needs blubber to survive. Out-of-universe, she's chubby because I've found that routinely drawing cute chubby girls is good for my mental health.

Part 3: CYOA

Now, while we live in a post-Muncher society where shame and cringe are emotions only the cowardly should experience, I am nonetheless Very Catholic about expressing my own feelings of, like, liking girls and shit. I cannot help feeling guilty when publicly expressing adoration of women without, like, an excuse - it's gotta be a joke or something, you know? I can't be genuine about it, or else Jesus will beat me with a cane for disrespecting women with my lecherous gaze.

But luckily I've cultivated a loyal audience of fellow monsterfuckers, which meant I had an excuse lined up: if I made this a choose your own adventure type deal, a story with audience participation, then you all would be my accomplices. And Jesus can't cane all of us! He doesn't have enough hands! I found a loophole bigger than his stigmata!

Plus I love collaborative story-telling - there's a thrill in not having total control of where the narrative is going. As Brennan Lee Mulligan must know, there's a joy in having to deal with the chaos thrown your way by letting others grab the figurative ball, even if just for a moment.

Part 4: Offbeat Melody

Since I did not want to set this story in Midgaheim, I decided to steer myself away from a vaguely medieval setting altogether. But I also didn't want to limit myself with the need for "realism" that putting it in a normal sea would require, and making a new setting whole cloth would start pushing this project into "not easy" territory.

Luckily, I had a setting lying around that I hadn't played with in a while, which just so happened to have a location that was PERFECT for the sort of Never Stop Blowing Up style madness I was aiming for. For a few years I ran a Monster of the Week TTRPG campaign called Offbeat Melody, and one of its core setting elements was taking the goblin universe hypothesis in paranormal science (yeah it's a real hypothesis) to an illogical extreme. We had specifically seen glimpses of the Sea of Monsters in Offbeat Melody, i.e. the parallel universe where monsters like Nessie, Ogopogo, Champ, and the like all hail from. Well, why not have a whole story set there? It's literally a universe devoted solely to creating sea monsters - what better place to strand our modern Odysseus?

Offbeat Melody was always sort of a Never Stop Blowing Up project, or at least NSBU adjacent. Some of my most unhinged story-telling moments are in that campaign - you could make a supercut of just the "commercial breaks" in the various sessions and it'd basically be an I Think You Should Leave episode. Taking one obscure corner of its multiversal world and exploring it in detail was perfect for this project.

Part 5: Monster by Monster

With our main romance as sorted out as could be for a CYOA story, it was time to figure out the "episodes" of this sea voyage. I settled on there being ten to roughly align with The Odyssey - just in terms of number, mind you, not in a one-to-one comparison. The first was, obviously, Calibani herself, which left nine more slots for me to fill with monsters. Let's go through them together in brief:

Tree Storks - any lost at sea story eventually has to get its protagonist into an island at some point, but this immediately begs the question, "Why don't they just stay on the island where it's safe?" The answer to that question has to be, "it's not safe there, actually." The Odyssey does this quickly and cleverly with a one two punch: the first island seems safe until you realize the food on it brainwashes you into forgetting everything except your desire to eat it, and the second island is full of delicious sheep but also giants who will eat you just as easily as they eat the sheep. When other islands show up in the story later, you immediately regard them with suspicion, because you don't know HOW they're going to be fucked up, but they definitely will be. My goal with the second episode was to establish the same sort of danger - that land is NOT safe, that islands WILL be fucked up and dangerous in ways you might not expect.

I also wanted to establish that this is not just a sea of monsters, but a very WEIRD sea of WEIRD monsters. It couldn't be any old monster on this island - it had to be one that was unique, unexpected, and maybe just a bit silly while still being menacing.

I've always felt that there's a lot of un-mined horror potential in storks, cranes, and herons - any bird with a long neck and spear-like beak it uses to stab smaller creatures from above. Just imagine yourself in a frog's place in the world - tiny, going about your business, when suddenly something shoots down at you from above and impales you before you even feel the shadow fall over your face. Or perhaps you did see the shadow - some of these birds spread their wings to create shade specifically to attract fish, and then spear the poor little bastards.

Well, what do people often look to islands for when out at sea? Shade - the shade of a palm tree. And palm fronds kinda resemble feathers, don't they? Wouldn't it be both ludicrous and terrifying is there was a stork big enough to mimic a palm tree - and wouldn't that be a DEVIOUS trap for a sun-drenched sailor to fall for? So the Tree Storks were born.

The Globster - I made a list of sea monster archetypes in the early planning for this project, and one I wanted to include was a kraken, i.e. some sort of tentacled sea beast. But I didn't want to do JUST a big squid or octopus, or even a riff on them. I wanted to take the idea of "big sea monster with lots of tentacles" into a stranger direction.

Since the Sea of Monsters is explicitly the home universe of lake and sea monster cryptids, I thought it might be fun if ASWaM's kraken equivalent was a globster - just a big ball of rotten meat. I love drawing monstrous faces, so I decided it'd just be, like, MADE of hideous rotten faces, all melting and congealing together, with its tentacles doubling as the tongues of its many mouths. A perfectly wretched image that, like the Tree Storks, would do well to establish how Fucked things could get in this setting. Plus similar monsters had appeared in Offbeat Melody, which would make for a fun sense of familiarity for the, like, five or so readers of mine who had listened to that campaign before.

Captain Peter & the Dolphin - Another thing I did in the early planning stages of this project was make a list of the different sea voyage stories I know and love, the most contentious of which is The Life of Pi. That's a story that I love on a literal level but kind of hate on a figurative level - its whole theme/message is that doubt is the worst thing you can have, that if you don't commit to believing something with zealous conviction you are a coward. As a person who thinks doubt is valid, that "I don't know" is sometimes the ONLY truly valid answer to a question, I have issues with that message.

But I can't help loving the beautifully ludicrous idea of a non-anthropomorphic tiger sailing the ocean on a big Odyssey of its own. Like, if that story didn't actively hate me for being agnostic, it would be one of my favorites.

So I decided to, you know, just steal the idea of a tiger Odysseus. The tiger in The Life of Pi is named Richard Parker. Richard Parker also happens to be the name of Peter Parker's dad. Hence we get Captain Peter - the figurative son of Richard Parker, if you will. And to ratchet up the absurdity of a tiger Odysseus, I made him a pirate and the sole sailor of his voyage. Somehow, this tiger has manned a boat on his own.

Captain Peter was intended to be the hero of another story - a sign for the readers that it IS possible for a stranded person (or, in this case, tiger) to survive out here. To that end, he had to rescue our heroes from another threat, but not one that would be interesting enough to take the focus off of the tiger pirate. Originally I planned for that threat to just be a big shark, but I ended up liking my shark design too much to put it in a role that small, so I quickly designed a nasty dolphin for the role instead. I think that worked out well, honestly.

Dr. Neptune - Episodes 5 and 6 were the mid-point of this journey, so I wanted the two monsters of those to escalate things significantly. I figured episode 5 was probably a good place to FINALLY give some meaningful exposition on what was going on, and there are a lot of stories about mad scientists doing weird shit on islands in my big list of sea voyage stories I love. So we get Dr. Neptune, a classical brain-in-a-jar mad scientist who's affable enough to give more-or-less accurate exposition but loony enough to be a problem. This also felt like a good spot to remind the reader that Calibani is not just a girl with a tail but rather a Sea Monster herself, and one that we'd been making stronger by allying with.

With his human-but-not-quite nature and cyclops eye, Dr. Neptune could sort of be seen as the Polyphemus of this story, couldn't he?

The Crocodisle - One of the sea monster archetypes on my list was "the island that's actually a sleeping monster," of which there are many in mythology and folklore. My favorite is the Jasconius from the voyage of St. Brendan, mainly because it's more or less benign and actually comes back to help St. Brendan and his crew at the end of the story. I always love when I can find an old story with a friendly monster in it.

When thinking of my own spin on the island monster concept, I remembered the only Magic the Gathering card I had as a kid, which I still have and love to this day: The Sandbar Crocodile. This card already inspired Crocogon's color scheme in The Atomic time of Monsters, but I felt I could go to that well again one more time, and so made a crocodile that wasn't just a sandbar, but a whole damn island to itself. And, like Jasconius, it turns out he's pretty chill.

I did not think of the pun name "Crocodisle" until I was actually writing the chapter in question.

The Femdom Mermaids - These three were a late addition to the roster. When I had Calibani bring up mermaids early in the story, I realized as soon as I wrote her rant about them that we'd HAVE to meet some later on in the story.

The readers had significantly shaped Calibani and Sailor's romance by this point, and I decided that it could be useful to have a chapter that was devoted to showing definitively how these two were good for each other. I thought the mermaids could provide a good contrast: have them act out a seemingly more benign take on the monstrous sea women trope (they abduct our hero to protect and care for them!) only for it to quickly feel MORE deranged than Calibani's comparatively simple desire just to eat him.

The spirit of Calibani's rant about mermaids was taken from weird* girls I knew in high school complaining about cheerleaders, so I wanted the mermaids to look like the sea monster equivalent of popular kids to Calibani's chubby weird girl. Two of them got the names of famous beauties - Helyne = Helen of Troy, Clio = Cleopatra.

(*when I say "weird" I mean it in a complimentary and affectionate sense)

Bob, meanwhile, kinda... rebelled, I guess? Before I had names for them, I listed "bob" by her as just, like, a descriptor for her hair cut, but then I liked it as her name, and once she was named Bob she became more than just a mean popular girl. She was a weirdo too, the little punching bag of the two mean popular girls who did their dirty work and smiled through their abuse because hey, at least they included her. It gave the trio an easily defined dynamic, helped make two of the three more visibly nasty, and gave us comic relief in an arc that could very well have gotten too uncomfortable otherwise.

And I guess it worked - readers REALLY loved Bob, and were very vocal about it, and I realized mid-arc that I had accidentally made her too likable to just leave in this arc. So Bob got to be rescued from her awful friend group thanks to readers like YOU.

Lord Ironteeth - yeah, this was the shark that was too cool to be a minor threat. When I drew his noggin, I realized he would need a chapter of his own, one with gravitas. I decided he'd specifically be the threshold guardian -once we beat him, we'd know for sure how to get home, even if there were a few more threats in store.

Spindle Inc and Sycorax - when I was a kid I used to have this recurring nightmare about being on some sort of underwater sea station that had this huge sea serpent trapped inside it. I'd look at the sea serpent from a window within the station and see it coiling in its tank, only for it to look at me with fury. In that glance I would suddenly realize two things with absolute clarity: first, it was going to break free and kill everyone, and second, we deserved that destruction for what we had done to it. The terror of the dream was less that the sea serpent was going to break free, and more the guilt of knowing that all the mayhem that was about to unfold was our fault to begin with.

I thought that would be fun to homage with the penultimate chapter of this story. OBVIOUSLY the sea serpent was Calibani's mom, obviously the trauma of its capture was why Calibani grew into a predator that specializes in hunting humans, obviously we would have to free the sea serpent despite that running counter to Sailor's goal of getting home. Easy, easy, easy plot point to include.

Spindle, Inc. is the primary antagonistic force in Offbeat Melody, so they easily slotted into the role of the arrogant humans who captured this monster for nefarious and selfish motives. They could tie a lot of other plot threads together too - Dr. Neptune was a scientist who worked for them as a contractor only to get screwed over (i.e. they stranded him in the Sea of Monsters, expecting him to die, and then used his research to make their own base of operations in it), we'd learn of him through a spindle briefcase left behind by some unfortunate rogue agent who got eaten by the Globster while he was trying to escape, hell they could even be one of the possible origins of Sailor themself (more on that later). Very useful villains, Spindle.

The Abyssal Mother - I knew the last sea monster would need a lot of punch to it. I briefly considered just a big whale - the Moby Dick to Spindle's corporate Ahab - but it felt underwhelming after all that came before. So I went for arguably the most dramatic possible sea monster, a full on Cthulhu-style elder god. If you're a frequent follower of this blog, you might know I have particularly high standards for Eldritch Abominations, so I realized this was going to be a pretty big challenge for me to live up to, and decided to keep the cthulhu in question reserved to the last few entries as a result - the less it appears, the less it has to live up to.

I realized I had a good angle when my experiments with the Cthulhu "squid for a head" concept ended up having a face framed in shadow - you know, the same visual that our protagonist has in most appearances. That provided some very juicy parallels between the two that made this final monster feel particularly noteworthy to me, ones that I'll leave you to ponder, since they tie into...

Part 6: Themes

I did not set out to have a theme in this story. I just wanted to make a sailor and a sea monster kiss. That was my only goal.

But I really don't begin with theme in ANY of my writing. I figure out topics I want to address, but for all my novels I feel like the themes didn't start coming together until about halfway through the first draft, when enough of the elements of the story had been set down and interacted with each other enough for me to realize what I was saying with them. A huge part of my second and third drafts for my novels have focused on making the themes of my stories more concrete and unified.

Well, ASWaM is very much a first draft of a story, but it's a simple enough story that I think the theme found itself pretty well despite lacking subsequent drafts to refine it.

ASWaM is about doubt and direction. It's about being adrift in a world that is in many ways hostile by nature, about not feeling like you're where you're supposed to be or even WHO you're supposed to be, and about setting off aimlessly in the hope that maybe you'll find your way to that mythical land of "what my life is supposed to be."

When I began the story, Sailor had amnesia and wore clothes that obscured their identity as a way to make it easier for anyone to step into Sailor's role. Sailor had to feel like You, the Reader, and so we don't know their name, their gender, their eye color, their hair color, even their skin color (note that their hands are always wearing gloves, and their face is always in shadow).

But it also meant Sailor is, well, undefined, at least at the start of the story. Sailor doesn't know who they are, what they are, how they came to be. Sailor feels distinctly that they should be Something Else, should be Somewhere Else, should be Someone Else, should not be who/what/where they are. Sailor is plagued by doubt, by a need to go in a different direction, by a need to be other than they are.

This initially contrasts with Calibani, who begins the story very confident that she is doing exactly what she was designed to be doing and acting exactly like she should be. As they interact, they begin to shift each other in opposite directions - Calibani questions her existence and nature, sometimes to a self destructive degree, and Sailor begins to find something about who and where they are that they like. They find a healthy middle ground together - doubtful enough to want to be better people, but with love for themselves that allows them to not feel the need to up-heave their lives entirely.

I knew at the start that I would build an expectation for there to be some answer to the question of who Sailor is and where they came from, because those are the questions that begin the whole narrative. I brainstormed a number of answers to those questions, but once I got a few chapters into writing the story and saw this theme of doubt developing, I realized I couldn't answer them. From a thematic standpoint, the doubt HAD to remain. So I gave hints to possible answers, bits of evidence to support the possibility of them being true, but never planted a smoking gun that answered it for sure.

Sailor can't know the answer because NONE of us know the answer. Outside of blind Life of Pi style faith, you cannot know for sure that you are living the life you're supposed to live. All you can do is figure out whether you're happy with the life you've got, or if you need a change. Sailor will never know who they are supposed to be, but they did learn who they are, and they love that person now.

For those curious, the possible Sailor origins are:

Occam's Razor: they're exactly what Dr. Neptune theorized, i.e. a human who got stranded in the Bermuda Triangle (or the Devil's Triangle or any other number of paranormal triangles) and fell into the Sea of Monsters. The trauma of that experience gave them amnesia. It's just brain damage and bad luck.

A Spindle Experiment: Dr. Warefore mentions that Spindle has been trying to find a way to make a human who can evolve like the denizens of the Sea of Monsters. Sailor may well be an attempt to do just that, perhaps one they wrote off as a failure and abandoned (they do that a lot)

A Deep One: Sailor is the offspring of one of the denizens of the Sea of Monsters (most likely the Abyssal Mother herself) who has somehow been tricked into believing they are human, to the point where they seem to be human to everyone else, even other monsters. Maybe a human summoned a sea monster to breed with on earth, and Sailor ended up being subconsciously drawn back to the Sea by their blood. Maybe Sailor never actually lived on earth at all, but was only made to THINK they had as part of the transformation into a human.

The Platonic Ideal of a Sailor: the Sea of Monsters is full of archetypal concepts, and arguably a sailor trying to find their way home is just as archetypal as any sea serpent, mermaid, or kraken. Our only proof that humans aren't native to the Sea of Monsters is Dr. Neptune, and he's not as reliable an expert as he claims to be.

This theme of doubt and direction also made the compass more important to the narrative than a simply mechanic for audience participation - a compass, after all, gives direction, and the feeling that Sailor is not where they're supposed to be, that they need to head in a different direction, is ultimately the catalyst of the plot. The compass is, in many ways, the antagonist of the story - the force that keeps Sailor from accepting themself. I realized this a little after I started making the different directions have personalities - initially they just represented broad concepts (North = follow conventional wisdom ala the North Star, South = preserve your short-term self interest at all costs, East = act with curiosity and be willing to take calculated risks, and West = throw caution to the wind and do anything that seems novel and exciting), but over time they became little characters themselves.

Since it was our thematic antagonist, I decided to pepper in some ideas about what the compass might be in-universe - and, in a move that would no doubt frustrate the compass, we also don't know for sure which of those is "correct." Is the compass a poltergeist, some amalgamation of dead sailors who try to steer other lost souls home? Is it a malign entity that leeches off of those desperate enough to seek its aid, living through them while pretending to aid them? Is it a device Spindle made to lure sailors to their clutches, OR to guide their experiments in human/monster hybrids? Was it a cursed item that forced a sea monster to assume a human shape? Who can say - the compass sure can't, it can only tell you a direction to go in.

Part 7: Q&A

Since this was an interactive story, I felt it was only fitting to add one last interactive element to this post-script write up, and some of your happily obliged me by sending in questions.

When I noticed how fast readers were falling for Calibani, I figured there was a good chance we'd end up staying in the Sea of Monsters. By chapter 7, I figured it was more or less a given, and by the end of the Lord Ironteeth encounter I was almost 100% sure Sailor would remain at sea. There was always a chance, though - while a look at the polls shows that the audience got more and more on the same page towards the end, there were always dissenting voices, and the desire to get an answer to the question of Who Sailor Was remained strong, as a number of people kept trying to find angles where they could get that AND stay with Calibani.

I was surprised early on by how easily the audience fell in love with Calibani, to the point where I made a few posts commenting on it. I mean, I shouldn't have been - as I said earlier, I have cultivated an audience of fellow monsterfuckers on here, and I know at least a few of them saw my bait and knew they could get me to be freaky in a way we found mutually agreeable (thank you all again for helping me escape being caned by Jesus for being horny).

Like, we REPEATEDLY ignored developing the plot in the Tree Storks chapter for several days just to spend more time with Calibani - something that I enjoyed immensely (this whole thing was an excuse for me to write and draw a cute chubby sea monster girl as much as possible aftter all) but also knew as a storyteller was not what most would consider a good story call. I like how it turned out, but it defied conventional narrative wisdom, you know? I was surprised.

On the other side of the coin, I was also surprised by how the audience NEVER chose an option that was humorously disastrous. I gave plenty of them, and, like, generally in collaborative storytelling there will be at least one moment where your collaborators decide to do the really, REALLY stupid thing that makes everything spiral out of control really quickly. I figured at least once the audience would choose the troll response, but no, you guys worked hard to keep Sailor and Calibani alive. You refused to let them hurt each other, refused to let them throw themselves into danger, refused to imperil them for your own chuckles. It was very sweet and unexpected.

I say "you refused" but to be fair it's not like NO ONE voted for the troll options - they generally got a handful of votes, just one that was beaten by a landslide of more reasonable options. Hopefully those of you who voted for the troll options enjoyed Bob throwing you a bone by disintegrating Dr. Warefore - that was my consolation prize to you.

Yes. I knew at the beginning that there would be two endings for this story: either Sailor leaves the Sea and goes home, or Sailor stays there forever. Or, you know, Sailor dies as a result of you guys choosing several stupid options in a row, but as stated above you guys avoided those scenarios pretty decisively.

Had Sailor gone home, the following would have occurred: first, they would forget everything that happened in the Sea of Monsters. Second, they would wake up in a hospital, having been found in the Atlantic Ocean by a human-recovery charity run by... oh, isn't that funny, some tech company named Spindle Inc! Spindle would foot the medical bills and even offer Sailor a job, but Sailor would decline because even now they're still not sure what Spindle even does. Sailor would go back to their life and find it familiar and utterly mundane, but not particularly happy. Their father died when they were 18, their mother was never in the picture, they have no siblings. They worked an office job and were sort of a nonentity - that position has long since been filled, but Sailor gets a new job and lives out much the same life: simple, mundane, dreary. Every now and then they get a pang of desire to leave, to go to sea, but they push it out of mind. They never even see the ocean again as long as they live.

Sailor would have gotten the normal life they thought they were supposed to have, the normal memories and name and identity, the mundane life of a normal person. And they just had to trade everything they found in the Sea of Monsters to get it. A question is answered, a direction is followed, but is it the right answer, the right direction?

Well, I think doubt would have remained.

I had a very vague idea for there to be some sort of man-eating giant in, like, a crystal castle. He got cut to make way for the mermaids.

I wanted to fit in a big whale and a giant crustacean, but there wasn't room or an interesting angle for me to want to make room for them. Saved for a possible sequel, I suppose.

I also wanted to have a scene with, like, DOZENS of sea monsters, including some of the ones from Offbeat Melody, but the goal of "this should be EASY you dumbass" made me kill that idea pretty quick.

Thank you!

The primary inspirations were:

The Odyssey and Epic: the Musical

The voyage of St. Brendan

The many "weird shit happens on an island" movies in Toho's filmography, i.e. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Son of Godzilla, Yog Monster of the Deep, Matango, etc.

The Island of Dr. Moreau

The Boy and the Heron

Ponyo (specifically Ponyo's parents - I wanted Sailor to have the same desperate energy as that wizard who fucks the giant sea goddess)

The Life of Pi

Slay the Princess (perhaps most obvious in the use of second person narration, multiple voices in the protagonist's head, and falling in love with a creature that has tried to kill you at least once)

I'm going to use this to springboard to a related point in a second, but first a genuine yet humorous answer: Yes, absolutely yes, I am enough of a big romantic sap that I would give everything about my life away to be with a person who loves me and explore a world of monsters in a heartbeat. Hell, I would have jumped in the water the minute Calibani asked and died with her fangs in my neck and a smile on my face. I am dumb this way. Do not follow my example.

On that related point, though... Most stories like this, I daresay ALL stories like this that I know of, end with the hero abandoning the fantasy world in favor of reality, never to return. And that seems like the proper choice and lesson on the surface - we don't want to tell audiences to give up their real life in favor of a fantasy, after all. That's encouraging escapism, and that's not healthy!

But, like... textually speaking, the fantastical world IS real to the characters in these stories. And it's often not really an escape - was Sailor's life devoid of conflict and suffering in the Sea of Monsters? Fuck no! It's just that they figured out how to deal with that conflict and suffering - they built skills and a support system, they adapted, they learned how to overcome what was there.

I think it can be argued that sometimes the return to a "normal" world is, in itself, an escape - the idea that your life can spiral into chaos but that's ok, you can just reset everything and go back to The Way It Was and Should Be is just as unrealistic and unhealthy an idea as You Should Escape to A Better World. Sometimes your plans for your life fall apart, sometimes you're thrown into a place you never intended to go, sometimes you have to learn skills you never anticipated needing and ally with people you never thought you'd befriend to deal with problems you never dreamed you'd have to overcome. And sometimes it's ok to look at your derailed life, your Not Where You Should Be life, and say, "Well, I've learned how to live here... maybe I can stay."

Especially if there's a cute chubby sea monster girl who loves you.

Bob was never supposed to appear past chapter 7, but about halfway through that chapter I realized the audience and I myself would be heartbroken if we didn't rescue her. Definitely for the best - she provided some well-needed comic relief in the final chapters.

This is gonna sound snarky, but, yeah - there were 58 choices with four options a piece, and we only chose one of the four. While some of the options would have similar results, almost none would have had identical outcomes. And some would have been VERY different.

Like, to go back to the beginning: when Calibani attacked, we could either throw a net on her, harpoon her, try to drive around her, or hide below deck. We picked the net, but for the other three options:

Harpooning would result in us hitting her in the thigh, causing her enough pain that she collapses on our deck and we, horrified at the violence we committed, just sort of push on. Calibani would be wounded for at least the next chapter, perhaps longer, and significantly weaker (and probably harboring a great deal of hidden resentment while also being genuinely scared of Sailor). She would be vulnerable during the stork attack, forcing Sailor to take a more active role in that chapter.

Trying to steer around her would result in us essentially fighting her with our boat, resulting in the boat capsizing and Calibani getting tangled up in it. We'd wake up alone on Stork Island and have to travel in search of our boat, alone and vulnerable among man-eating trees. We'd run into Calibani again, also beached and in trouble, end up recruiting her to help us get our boat out of the sand.

Hiding below deck would end in a sea storm that leaves us inside our boat as it's beached on Stork Island. We'd fend off the storks alone, and run into Calibani once we get our boat out to sea, as she got away more or less unscathed.

All of these would have majorly changed the trajectory of our relationship with Calibani and our identity as Sailor, despite seeming to have the same component parts on the surface. Now account for how similarly slight changes in the other options could have gone, and we could have had a very different story indeed.

Part 8: Our Girl

I just think she's neat!

[phantasmatoucan]

Character ask game for mod Owl: I was gonna ask about Smitten, but I'm sure someone else will do that-

So how about instead... tell me about Skeptic. That fluffy bird-

THE FLUFFIEST GUY EVER

[Send Me a Character and I'll List Ask Game]

FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HOW INTELLEGENT HE CAN BE, HOW HE CAN COME UP WITH A PRACTICAL PLAN THAT CAN HELP TLQ OUT AND MAKE IT WORK [including also whatever other voice was already there into his plan because im sure he knows he can't do this alone] BUT I ALSO LOOOOVE HOW DUMB HE CAN BE AS WELL AND NOT BECAUSE HES AN IDIOT BUT BECAUSE OF HIS DISTRUST OF OTHERS AND GETTING TOO MUCH IN HIS OWN HEAD THAT HE STARTS MISSING THE POINT OF WHAT THEYRE EVEN DOING, HE NEEDS ANSWERS NO MATTER THE COST, I LIKE TO THINK IF HE HAD SOMETHING LIKE RPG STATS HE WOULD HAVE THEM LIKE 20 INTELECT AND -2 WISDOM, HE HAS A HARD TIME JUDGING THE CHARACTER [in this case the princess] UNLESS HE CAN GUESS WHAT SHES TRYING TO DO, HE DOES CARE ABOUT THE PRINCESS, AFTER ALL HE CAME TO BE BY TRYING TO FREE HER BUT FOR HIM TRYING TO DECIPHER EVERYTHING THATS HAPPENING IN A LOGICAL MANNER COMES FIRST AND FOREMOST, ALSO I LOVE HOW HE CAN ADAPT AS WELL IF PUSHED ENOUGH BY OTHER VOICES, LIKE WHEN PARANOID TOLD HIM ABOUT THE SHACKLES BEING TO RUSTY AND HE GIVES IN INTO PARAS LOGIC, THE SAME WITH HERO IN THE DEN, HE CAN BELIEVE IN THIS HONESTLY ILLOGICAL THINGS BUT HE NEEDS A REASON TO BELIEVE, HE CAN'T JUMP INTO CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT QUESTIONING THEM ITS NOT IN HIS NATURE

LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM

ERM.... ERM... ERM.............................. I DONT KNOW... I THINK MAYBE THE FACT THAT THE LINE WHERE HE SUGGEST GETTING THE HEAD OF THE PRISIONER AND BRINGING IT WITH THEM WAS CUT OUT AFTER PRISTINE CUT... BUT THATS NOT HIS FAULT HE WAS LOBOTOMIZED A BIT 💖

FAVORITE LINE

"Looks like we've seen through your lies at last, Mr. The Narrator. If that even is your real name." HES SO STUPID

BROtp

SMITTEN AND SKEPTIC ARE THE BROS OF BROS FOR ME, GREY BROTHERS MY BELOVED, SMITTEN HELPS OUT SKEPTIC TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS A BIT MORE AND DISCERNING HIS EMOTIONS A BIT BETTER, ALSO HELPING HIM OUT ON NOT GETTING FRUSTATED AS EASILY IF THINGS DONT GO HIS WAY AND SKEPTIC HELPS OUT SMITTEN TO THINK MORE ABOUT HIMSELF AND DOING THINGS FOR HIMSELF, NOT REVOLVING HIS LIFE AROUND THE PRINCESSES SO MUCH, AND THEN SMITTEN INVITES SKEPTIC TO A TEA PARTY AND THEY HAVE A GOOD TIME JUST HANGING OUT

OTP

IVE BEEN INFECTED WITH THE SKEPTUNIST AGENDA AND LET ME TELL U I THINK THEYRE... VERY CUTE TOGETHER ACTUALLY, SKEPTIC TRYING TO UNDERSTAND OPPORTUNIST MOTIVES WHILE OPPORTUNIST TRIES TO GET ON SKEPTICS GOOD SIDE AFTER ALL HAVING A SMARTY PANTS ON HIS SIDE WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD FOR ANY PLAN HE CAN COME UP WITH BUT SLOWLY THEY REALIZE THAT DAMN.... I KINDA ENJOY THE COMPANY OF THIS PERSON THE MORE I TRY TO GET CLOSER TO THEM, MAYBE THEY CAN EVEN BECOME PARTNERS IN CRIME....

NOtp

I ACTUALLY HAVENT SEEN THAT MANY SKEPTIC SHIPS SO I WOULDNT EVEN KNOW IF I HAD ONE LMAO

RANDOM HEADCANON

I THINK HE HAS ANGER ISSUES AS HES PRONE TO GET FRUSTRATED VERY EASILY, HE JUST HAS A CALMER WAY OF EXPRESSING IT BY TRYING TO LOGIC HIS WAY OUT OF IT BUT ITS HARDER WHEN HE ONLY FINDS DEAD ENDS, ALSO A HEADCANON FOR MY VERSION OF SKEPTIC IS THAT HE CAN FLY AT ALL BECAUSE OF THE POSITION OF HIS WINGS AND THAT HE NEEDS GLASSES TO ACTUALLY READ lol

UNPOPULAR OPINION

HAVENT LOOKED AT THE FANDOM LONG ENOUGH TO THINK OF THIS ONE, I HAVE NOT SEEN MANY PEOPLE TALKING BADLY ABOUT SKEP OR ATLEAST IN A WAY I FEEL LIKE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE FOR ME LMAO

SONG I ASSOCIATE WITH THEM

GOLDEN NUMBER BY IYOWA [I PUT THE SUB VERSION BUT CHECK OUT THEIR OTHER SONGS IN THEIR MAIN CHANNEL THEYRE VERY GOOD, I ASSOCIATE THIS SONG TO HIM SPECIFICALLY THE LAST PART A LOT lol]

FAVORITE PICTURE OF THEM

SINCE YOU KNOW, THE VOICES DONT REALLY HAVE LIKE SET IMAGES OR DESIGN ILL JUST PULL FROM MY ART O21L3KR12R, U GET MY FAV PIC I DREW OF HIM

[taeaura]

Your the only person on this app I've really seen actually understand Thomas, and the Hewitt's family the best. Very gay question i have, how would the Hewitt's react to Thomas having feelings for a man and or think about dating a man (probably didn't phrase that correctly but oh well.) Like all the stories people make, i know it'd probably be like some schnazz where Thomas falls for the victim or whatever, but how'd the family react to that victim being a man (if Thomas would even like a men.)

First of all, thank you!! I try. Second, this is a wonderful question! I'll try my best to answer it 🫀

TW: Homophobic/Transphobic statements {Tommy's a sweetheart, dw}

How the Hewitts Would React to Thomas' Partner Being a Man

Slurs. Slur after slur after slur - From Monty and Hoyt of course. And really invasive/inconsiderate statements:

"Well, at least someone learned to love your ugly mug..even if it's a man."

"So..who's the bottom/top?" - "You ain't taking it in the ass, are ya, Thomas?"

"Well Momma, guess you ain't getting any grandchildren, huh?"

"Tommy..are you sure you're not confused? I know a few gals who could change yer mind."

--

Thomas {and his future/current partner} will have the best luck with Luda Mae. This Southern Christian woman lives by the Bible {with exceptions..} - But she loves her son to the Heavens. She'll be disappointed, but not because Thomas is gay. She just wanted grandchildren. She'd be disappointed to find out her daughter-in-law was infertile, too. She'd be a bit confused, but she loves Thomas {and his partner} nonetheless. Be prepared for a minor spiral though:

"Thomas, hun, you might just be confused; It's alright. There's plenty of women who'll want you, just you wait."

Thomas..are you sure? Women can be just as if not better, y'know."

"I don't understand..is it something I did wrong?" - She'd be scared she raised Thomas wrong, I feel.

It'll take time for her to get used to, but she'll never insult or belittle Thomas nor his partner. And she'll get his uncles to stop, too.

--

Luda would invite Kathryn {The Tea Lady} over to "destress" {aka, spilling both her and Thomas' guts.}

"Oh you wont believe what Thomas told me today- It's..it's not too good."

"Well, what is it? You look a bit tense, it's best to get it off your shoulders."

She sighs. "Thomas told me he's 'gay'..."

"What?"

"A homosexual, Kathryn."

"Well..well that just doesn't make any sense; He just hasn't met the right woman yet!"

"That's what I told him!"

"It'll be alright. He's..he's confused, that's all. Ain't thinking straight."

"I know!" - "I just..I hope it wasn't something I did."

"Oh, nonsense, Luda. He's confused, just as he was when he started putting them animal skins on his face. It'll go away eventually."

But the animal skins never left - They only progressed {do you see the point I'm trying to make? 😉}

--

If you happened to be a trans man/trans masc, prepare for even more madness from all family members..

Thomas wouldn't love you any less, it's the family who'd give you issues.

"Oh, so it's a woman then?"

"Right...so a lady playing dress-up as a guy."

"Well, at least you're still getting some pussy; Huh, Tommy?"

"Great..two misguided freaks..how fun"

"Gosh, it's one thing to be gay, but you couldn't even get a real man, Tommy?"

And Luda Mae would bug Thomas and his partner even MORE about grandchildren..good luck.

As time progresses, his family will become quieter better. They'll keep comments to themselves and won't pry too deep :)

--

As Thomas' partner, - and I know this is a lot to ask of someone - you'll have to reassure him constantly. He truly thinks something is wrong with him from the way he looks, to the way he acts, and now to who he's attracted to. He loves his partner very much; He's attracted not only to their body, but to their mind - their soul. He lives a very sheltered life; So it's up to you {assuming you're his partner} to introduce him to certain aspects of life :)

How exciting...

He'll always affirm you in ways he can - He doesn't really view you as his "male" partner. His "trans" partner. His "Cis" partner. He doesn't give a fuck anyway. He just views you as his partner; Who happens to be a man. Who happens to be trans/cis. Even then, he's not really focused on that - He just likes looking at you; Especially your eyes. He feels connected to you, like soul ties.

Be patient with him, and he'll be patient with you - That includes shielding you from his family 🫀

____ Guys I hope I worded this right 😭🙏 Thomas does not discriminate but his family does

Please please please tell me if I worded something wrong or accidentally said something inconsiderate, love you all

[notmorbid]

i could live here forever, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from i could live here forever: a novel by hanna halperin.

you could be famous. you could do anything you want.

if you snore, i'm booting you to the couch.

i think about you, and everything bad just disappears.

that's kind of how i fall asleep at night. talking to you in my head.

it's really good to hear your voice. where are you?

do whatever you have to do.

are you still attracted to me?

you would always be welcome with me.

you're scaring me right now.

you seem really anxious. are you okay?

you're the shit. you deserve the best.

it makes me feel better to know where your head is at.

it's not paranoid when it turns out you're actually being watched.

would you mind walking me home?

thanks for walking me home. i appreciate it.

is this safe? are you safe?

i'm going to remember this day for the rest of my life.

it's hard to hear, that's all.

you use people. it's something that you do.

you know i'll always pick up. no matter what.

i left out parts of the story.

i think we should go to the hospital. we can go together.

i'm really sorry. you're not seeing me at my best.

what's a seven-letter word for a desert in a glass?

i'm kind of freaking out right now.

are you talking to anyone? a counselor or a therapist?

it's almost over. you're doing great.

i don't say this lightly, but you might have saved my life.

you deserve to be with someone who's good to you all the time.

maybe we both blew it.

i wish i could meet you for the first time right now.

i wish i could be my best self for you.

i really do believe that art can save a person.

being admired and being loved aren't the same thing.

i didn't think you were actually going to come.

you should trust your instincts.

one day you're going to look back on this and you're going to laugh.

i know it doesn't feel that way now, but you're going to be okay.

we never talk about that night.

home is a memory.

i don't think i would have survived that time without you.

do you want me to come in with you?

i remembered you taller.

i wish you'd called ahead of time.

you're as good as they come.

i didn't know where my feelings ended and yours began.

it's brave, what you did today.

i know you're lying to me.

i think things happen how they're supposed to.

i used to feel very alone. i was scared i'd always feel that way.

with you, i feel like i'm part of something.

you bring out something different in me. something i didn't even know i was capable of.

i can't be the only thing that gets you through the day.

what i want most in this world is to have a family.

i've never loved a face more than i've loved yours.

maybe this is what family is supposed to feel like.

every time i try to be normal, i mess it up.

see you soon. miss you already.

you look like someone who has their life together.

what do you like?

you ask good questions.

you're not a martyr. get over yourself.

what we have is complicated, but it's good and real.

were you waiting for me all this time?

i wish we got to know each other more.

we don't know each other well, but i'm here for you.

are you going to be okay?

i feel ____ here with me all the time.

nothing is as real as the person beside you.

[hervygervy]

So Kid Icarus Uprising has been out for 10+ years and yet we're still reusing the same two jokes, huh... Well, recycling is a beautiful thing so why don't we talk about them today!

You guys know 'em, right? Of course you do! "Floor ice cream gives you health!" "I never learned how to read!" Ha! What knee-slappers. Now what if I told y'all that those lines were actually creative deviations from the localization team?

Let's go in order. First is the floor ice cream bit, which occurs in chapter 16 right after a hot spring:

That was probably the millionth time you had to listen to that conversation, so I hope you can forgive me. But hey, now you get to hear the Japanese version:

The punchline is entirely different. Here's how I'd translate it:

Palutena: There's a Float Ring.

Viridi: I wonder if this is also an Aurum copy.

Pit: Whether it's a hot spring or a vehicle, I'll use whatever I can! This is what it is to be an angel! This is the angel's way of life!!

Viridi: What are you getting all psyched for? Palutena, are you giving him enough pocket money?

Palutena: Ah, that's... I haven't thought about that.

Pit: I'm not crying or anything, I'm not!

Aww. Poor Pit doesn't get any allowance. That's to be expected, I think.

A couple notes: the "Float Ring" is just the Japanese name for the Aether Ring, although you probably figured that out. All the vehicles have different names, actually. The Exo Tank is called the Beetle, the Cherubot is called the Gigas, the Lightning Chariot is called the Chariot of Light, and the Great Sacred Treasure is called the True Three Sacred Treasures. So on and so forth.

Additionally, something I personally find interesting is Viridi's word choice in one of her lines. Japanese is a very grammatically complex language, and one of these complexities comes in the form of talking about giving and receiving. There are a bunch of words for "to give" that are used depending on the giver and receiver's social status. As an English speaker, it's a real headache. I guess this is what you call pragmatics. When talking about giving allowance to Pit, Viridi uses やっておる (yatteoru) which is a progressive form of やる (yaru). やる can mean a billion different things, but in this context, it means "to give." And this is the kind of "give" you say when talking about giving something to a dog or plant or the like. Make of that what you will!

Wow, I really got sidetracked. Anyway, I can't say I know the logic behind this change, because both versions evidently have the intention of being funny. But lately I've been coming to the conclusion that the English version tries to make an effort to be more blatantly funny for lack of a better word. Like, instances where there is no joke in the Japanese version will see a joke inserted in the English version, or in cases like these, they try to ham up the funny factor. The localizers pretty much had free reign over the English script per Sakurai's blessing, so I suppose such random changes are an inevitability. In future posts, I'll talk about plot changes and characterization differences so please stay tuned for those! Back to the topic at hand, personally I'd say I prefer the Japanese version of this conversation, it's funny and cute.

Moving on! Reading. You're doing it right now. Thank you for that, by the way. But poor Pit, he never learned how to read. We learn this near the end of the flight segment of chapter 17:

People seem to be really fixated on what was honestly meant to just be a totally unserious and funny line. Like there's a whole lotta fanart out there depicting Pit learning to read or whole essays on literacy headcanons. But who am I to talk, I'm also someone who would take all of this game's lines at face value.

And now, the Japanese:

And my translation:

Pit: M-my wings are getting hot!

Palutena: It's no good! We're already at the flight limit! I'll cut the miracle of flight!

Pit: Wahh!

Palutena: Pit! Pit!!

Pit: Mayday! Mayday!! All systems down! It's already come to this! Before I die, I wanted to eat until I was full!

Viridi: Is this the time to be saying such corny things? You should ride this!

Pit: N-Nachure!

Viridi: Carefully line yourself up with the floating island. If you land poorly, you understand what'll happen, right?!

Oh, right, Viridi is called Nachure in the Japanese version. As in "nature." Surprised that never came up until now. But yeah! As you can see, the Japanese version uses a more clichéd punchline. Something you'd expect in a shounen anime. Again, the localizers had free reign and they simply changed the line to be something funnier. I have to say, I think the English version wins. There is no better punchline than illiteracy. It's a terribly overdone joke at this point, but maybe for good reason. It got added into Super Smash Bros Ultimate, after all. Did you know Antony Del Rio had to rerecord that line just for that game? They didn't just reuse it!

...I can make this post longer, if you want. We can like, really dive into this literacy thing if you want. There are a couple more conversations to pick apart, in that case. Just take a gander below the cutoff if that's your fancy.

Alright, so there's this part in chapter 5 where you have to jump across a bunch of rotating floating platforms, right? One of these rings of platforms is fashioned into letters spelling "Pandora," if you remember.

A thoroughly enlightening spelling lesson. The way this conversation plays out implies that Pit couldn't read the platforms. It makes me wonder if the English script writers already had the "never learned how to read" joke locked in, thus making it a genuine piece of characterization the writers were going for, or if this is purely a coincidence and it just so happens to work out perfectly.

To be honest, this conversation is a little less interesting than I hoped it to be. I'll translate:

Palutena: Those yellow floors ahead look like letters, don't they?

Pit: Let's see...

Palutena: PA-N-DO-O-RA... is this place some kind of self-introduction?

Pit: How embarrassing.

Pandora: Hmph. What, can't manage it? This taste.

Palutena: Yeah. It's impossible. In every sense.

First of all, I like how the English version calls the platforms orange rather than yellow. Yeah girl... those are indeed orange. Second, when Palutena is spelling out the platforms, she spells it out as if it were written in Japanese. The game's subtitles use Roman letters to transcribe her spelling, but it has furigana above it for a Japanese reading. Here, I'll show you and hope Tumblr doesn't ruin the compression:

Quick Japanese lesson, writing is split into three scripts: hiragana, katakana, and kanji. Hiragana is like the foundation of it all and each character represents a single syllable of sound. Every hiragana has a katakana equivalent, and their purpose is just to transcribe foreign words into the Japanese sound system. Kanji are more logographic, considering they're derived from Chinese characters. They make up most of the "content" of the language while hiragana makes up the "function." Every kanji can be converted back to hiragana, since that's how all the sounds are written, but since there are no spaces in Japanese, it'd be a mighty pain to read if everything was hiragana. And Japanese is already hard to read. All of that word salad just to tell you that "furigana" are hiragana or katakana characters written above kanji or other characters to indicate how to read them.

Now, the Roman letters can actually be written out in katakana. Spelling "Pandora" would look like ピー・エー・エヌ・ディー・オー・アール・エー (pii, ee, enu, dii, oo, aaru, ee). But instead Palutena pronounces it and spells it out in a Japanese way, which seems odd to me. Am I making sense?

All in all, it's pretty obvious the Japanese version doesn't really contain any of the implications the English version potentially has.

There's one more conversation I want to take a look at. It's one of those elusive random conversations:

That's right, we're starting with Japanese first this time! This one's gonna be interesting to translate:

Pit: There are various gods around the world, huh?

Palutena: That's right.

Pit: Does each god come with their own respective angel, I wonder?

Palutena: No, that's not necessarily the case.

Viridi: "Angel" is written from "heaven uses," you know.

Pit: What? Isn't it "heavenly messenger?"

Viridi: I pity you. Don't you even understand that it means you're just being pushed around?

Pit: Lady Palutena, please say something!

Palutena: ...huh?

Pit: Hey, wait, Lady Palutena!

Mmm that probably didn't make much sense. Alright, so the Japanese word for "angel" is 天使 (tenshi) which is made up of 天, meaning "heaven," and 使, which means "use." So, literally "heaven's tool." I'm going to come to the conclusion that the Japanese seem to understand what an angel is better than the average westerner. Anyway, Viridi's making the argument that the word is derived from 天が使う (ten ga tsukau) which would mean "heaven uses." Pit protests that the word comes from 天の使い (ten no tsukai) which is also just... another way to say "angel." It literally means "heaven's messenger." A Japanese dictionary will define "angel" as "a messenger from God" so Pit's probably more correct here. As you probably gathered, 使 was read differently depending on how it was used. This is par for the course for kanji. Since kanji are derived from Chinese characters, and Chinese as a language has changed over time (as languages do) and different regions of China have different ways of saying things (dialects and all that), Japanese naturally picked up on all these different pronunciations. Thus, any one kanji could have a dozen different readings.

So what does this all mean? It means we've got a case for literacy, ladies and gents. You'd have to be able to read at least a little bit to understand that "shi" and "tsuka" are derived from the same morpheme.

The Japanese version of the Pandora convo doesn't really tell us anything, so to tally it up, we're at two points for illiteracy and one point for literacy. I have one more trick up my sleeve... but we're going to have to venture outside of Kid Icarus Uprising.

In Super Smash Bros for Wii U and Super Smash Bros Ultimate, if you play as Pit on the Palutena's Temple stage, mashing down taunt will trigger a special conversation between some of the Kid Icarus Uprising cast. It's like an evolution of Snake's codec calls from Brawl. Anyway, I want to direct your attention to this part of Villager's conversation. I don't have any audio so I hope some screenshots will do:

"By the way, that name has an interesting secret."

"Oh oh! What is it?"

"The truth is, this is the first name in Smash to use hiragana!"

"W-what! I didn't realize!"

I dunno, this has gotta indicate some literacy, right? Gotta have some conception of hiragana for this to mean anything, right? Can we get half a point for team literacy at least?

...I guess we really didn't get anywhere in the end. Is Pit literate? Up to you, I suppose. What a thrilling conclusion. Let's close this off with the English version of the above convo because I like it lots. It's got a stupidly rare random chance of occurring in like, chapter 11 exclusively so perhaps you haven't even heard it.

Probably one of my favorite interactions in the game. "Errand spirit." Chef's kiss. Perfect. Sublime. Perhaps westerners understand angels after all. Secretary Pit is also awesome.

The English version evidently takes the angle of playing with the definition of the word, rather than the etymology. This is fair enough because the average English speaker probably knows jack about the etymology of "angel." Oh, and the type of joke the Japanese version wishes to convey wouldn't really work in English. For fun, "angel" comes from Greek "angelos" which means "messenger." ...I guess we've come full circle.

This post has gone on for way too long. This cutoff part is probably longer than the main point of this post. Maybe I'm the one who needs a coffee.

[sheigarche]

girl shut up

I'm going to assume this is about Life is Strange because that's what I've been talking about the most in the last 2 months and I don't think any of my other fandoms would be bother by my posts.

So here are some hot take ideas for LIS posts I've never made because I thought it might upset some fans, but maybe I shouldn't be so quiet about it after all.

Pricefield vs DE

It seems like everything in Double Exposure was deliberately written to justify Chloe breaking up with Max.

Chloe showed that she was paranoid that Max may be using her powers to manipulate the relationship to make it work and that's exactly what Max did to Amanda and got call out for it in the end.

She also expressed how Max is unable to let go of the past and is haunt by it. So most of the game we see Max (and the player) holding on to it and struggling to move on until the very end. Some fans still can't do it and doesn't want Max to do it, but that's exactly why Chloe left.

Many people didn't realize it, but Max was struggling to establish herself as a real photographer in the years she was with Chloe, but quick became famous and recognized in the years after they broke up.

To me that's the game trying to sell the idea that they are better off without each other.

Chaseprice

Victoria and Chloe's posts in DE don't show anything explicitly romantic, it could just be friendship, but the intention to make it look like something more is pretty clear to me.

The writers chose sentences like "can you handle it, Chase?" and "I'll buy you a beer" on purpose and know exactly what the players will think of it.

Besides Victoria shows a desire in going from wherever she lives to see Chloe, and then Chloe makes plans to do a little detour to go see Victoria. Whatever this relationship is, they're making it work long distance with effort on both sides. Mutual interest.

I wouldn't be surprised if in the sequel we see one post or two subtly hinting that they're actually together. A picture on Crosstalk, maybe a comment from someone else on their posts.

Hell, I can even imagine an art gallery event of some sort where Max is invited and can bring her chosen love interest and Victoria is there with Chloe as her date... And that's how the devs manage to have a natural last conversation between Max and Chloe in person to give closure to their relationship.

And I kind of expect Victoria to come to them at some point, a little jealous or just proud of her girlfriend.

Langfield

Some people keep saying that Max wouldn't be interested in Vinh... But that's wrong.

The reality is that it was the first game's choices and Max's journey is what makes them fit together so well.

Yes, okay, maybe 18-year-old Max wouldn't like this emotionally dry 28-year-old Vinh. Maybe 18-year-old Max would have liked way more to know the enthusiastic drama student 18-year-old Vinh, who dreamed of being an actor.

Now this 28-year-old Max, full of traumas and complexes knows enough about life to see through 28-year-old Vinh's walls and realize that he is not dry, but afloat and barely keeping himself together. That's why she can really connect with him, as a friend or more.

It was the traumas and secrets that made her interesting to Vinh, just like his traumas and regrets are what make Max interested in him.

They fit together because they share some similar emotional experiences and they know how the other might be feeling in certain situations. And when they are together, they can laugh about it, have fun and be themselves, even if just for a moment.

Amberprice

Honestly I left this fandom years ago without shipping Pricefield or Amberprice, because of some reservations about Chloe's character. But now I'm back because of DE and I decided to finish Before the Storm... I can't get Rachel out of my head!

Seriously, what's this magic in their scenes and why can't I stop watching them on loop?

I always thought I had a crush on Max, but I actually have a crush on Rachel Amber of all characters. Maybe I am Chloe Price all along 😂

You know a ship is good when it changes your perception of the characters.

[aihoshiino]

So I actually only just found out that OnK ended and I think I only read up to where S1 of the anime finished, so imagine my horror when I learned that not only did AquaRu happen (technically? I know there was a kiss, at least), but that Aqua dies after coming up with what's probably the stupidest plan I've ever heard of. I'm going off of this from the wiki, btw, so feel free to correct me if I'm missing anything, but I thought this story was going to be a critique on the entertainment industry mixed in with a "catch the killer" plot when I first started, yet it just looks like nobody learned anything by the end of it and the villain's defeat was underwhelming.

Good news! AquRuby did not really happen.

Bad news! AquRuby did not really happen.

Honestly, to this day, I have no idea wtf Akasaka was cooking when it came to the AquRuby stuff... my best guess is that because Oshi no Ko was influenced pretty strongly by Mengo's past works & Aka was trying to emulate some elements of it (to good effect, sometimes!) the AquRuby stuff was inserted to appeal to her and it actually playing out on page was them being like "lalala, playing with our toys" and wasn't ever something the two of them took really seriously.

By coincidence I ended up rambling about this off tumblr the other day, so I'll just grab what I said and slap it here so I'm not just repeating myself;

I'm gonna be so real, I don't think an AquRuby ending was ever something anybody on the series including Mengo ever took all that seriously as a direction the series was going to take. Despite what a lot of people will try and tell you, Ruby and her relationship with Aqua were just never really written remotely in the sort of way you would build up your endgame heroine. Prior to 123 it wasn't really something the series tabled in any meaningful way and even past 123, Ruby's apparent attraction to Aqua is largely just played as shallow brocon gag fodder. It's only when the manga talks about her love for Gorou that it takes her remotely seriously and even then that's dropped like a rock past 150 and never addressed again. The biggest red flag for me though is that the series never actually addresses the concept of incest in the context of Aqua and Ruby's relationship. It is the one big major roadblock to a hypothetical romance between them but the roadblock that is actually, textually floated by the narrative is Gorou and Sarina's past life age gap which is, as Ruby repeatedly asserts, no longer an issue. It's honestly bizarre to see a series have a whole ass subplot about a character falling in love with their blood related twin and pursuing it to the point of forcing a kiss on them and just... never ever address the concept of incest??? It ends up feeling kind of deliberate - like, Akasaka knew that the second the obstacle that is the social taboo of incest came up on-panel it would be the death knell for being able to shiptease AquRuby (and thus, get clicks and attention from hyping it up for better or worse). So we get the... whatever the hell he was cooking that happened on page.

[In response to a comment asserting that Ruby was "absolutely written as the main heroine" as refutation to the above;]

When I say that Ruby was not built up as the main/endgame heroine, I mean moreso in the sense that for over half of the manga, she and Aqua just... don't really have a relationship that is given weight and consequence in the story in comparison to their individual relationships to the other characters. Even before the story was seriously teasing the idea of a romance between them this was always a point of critique in the fandom - hell, if you go back and read comments on it from around 2022 onwards, Ruby's sidelining and the lack of meat to her and Aqua's relationship is always something people have (imo, rightfully) had issue with. And like, sure, maybe Akasaka just wanted her status as the final/true heroine to be a surprise but even if that's what he was going for, there were tons of opportunities in the first 120+ chapters of the manga to properly sow those seeds. I know this is The low hanging fruit to point at and I know we're all aware that Aka deliberately orchestrated this moment to make sure Aqua and Ruby wouldn't discover each other's past identities before he decided it wanted to happen, but it's still characterization that Aka chose to put on the page and informs Aqua's character - Akane and Ruby found a literal dead body and instead of checking in on his sister, Aqua chose to spend time with (and kiss!) Akane. It would've been extremely easy to include Ruby more prominently in moments like chapter 68 when Aqua thinks about living a normal life free of revenge, or when Gorou confronts him in 65 about his 'happy life filled with love'. Even in the anime which makes a point of emphasizing Ruby more in Aqua's 'happy memory' montage from chapter 50's material fails to do this. Or hell, maybe even have it be a point of conflict during the AquAka 'real dating' period, that he ends up prioritizing Ruby more than Akane to a degree that it causes conflict in the relationship and clearly betrays where his real feelings lie. But none of that really happens. Hell, even after 123, Aqua and Ruby still barely interact and all the newfound intensity in that relationship comes primarily from Ruby doing brocon gag bits every time they make eye contact. Even the kiss is difficult to really take seriously because it has absolutely zero impact on Aqua and Ruby both individually and as a duo. It does not affect any change in the series whatsoever to the point where I legit don't even know whether it's been retconned out of continuity or not. That just doesn't feel to me like a 'main heroine' whose feelings and relationship to the main character are being taken seriously by the author. That's why the whole "btw i was reincarnated to be ruby's attack dog them kms" resolution at the end of the series feels so jarring and would have done with or without any AquRuby ship teasing. It was the story trying to cash cheques vis-a-vis the twins' relationship it hadn't bothered to write.

[syrena-del-mar]

Very Rarely Do Men Know How to Be Altogether Good or Altogether Wicked

The last five minutes of today's episode left my mouth gaping, it really felt like I was watching a catastrophic accident happen in front of me and I just couldn't look away.

I wasn't completely sure on how Sand was going to learn about Ray and Mew's history, but I sure wasn't expecting that Ray's feelings would be exposed in such a volatile way. Maybe I’m in the minority here, I’m not exactly sure because I’m seeing a mixed bag of reactions, but I don’t necessarily agree that Sand ever needed to find out about Ray’s feelings for Mew. Much less from Boston.

This is partially going to be a bit of a continuation of my thoughts that Boston has a Machiavellian personality, followed up with SandRay's relationship becoming the unsuspecting 'victim'. Again, I'll be using pulling from Machiavelli's The Prince, but I'm also using his work Discourses on Livy. [Title credit to ch. 27 of Discourses]

Boston, still the Machiavellian 'Prince'

“Another difficulty to be added to the one mentioned above is that a state that becomes free creates for itself enemies rather than friends.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli, Discourses on Livy

Let me be upfront, I don't hate Boston, I actually enjoy the chaos he brings, but he's a fascinating character to break down and really analyze his actions. The last five minutes was, in my opinion, the most chaos that he has caused out in the open. This was never a situation of Boston 'saying what needed to be said.' This was Boston seeing an opportunity to take control of someone and doing so by unfairly outing Ray's feelings. I, again, stand by the idea that Boston is not a narcissist, but rather a Machiavellian personality type. This doesn't make him a 'villain'; Only Friends does a good job at showing that there are no villains in real life, just incredibly shitty people. Boston is simply a dick, who chooses to play with his friends to feel a sense of control when he doesn't have it. Has he ever cared for his friends? Does he keep them around simply for convenience? Hard to say. That doesn't make him evil, it just makes him a first-class jackass.

In my post where I had stated that he was more of a Machiavellian rather than narcissist, I came to the conclusion that, 'In his viewpoint, he is the kingpin, even in his group of friends, because he believes that he's the one that controls how his friends move since he knows how Mew is developing feelings for Top and is aware of Ray's feelings for Mew.' This time around, he practically admits it right after purposefully revealing Ray's feelings for Mew, "I just want to keep track of my best friends' romantic moments.' Boston hoards information so that he can throw it in people's faces when it fits him the best, there's no 'good intentions' on his keeping tabs on his friends.

Boston knows that TopMew are going to sleep together, they're serious and he's out of the running. Is it simply ego or is it because of self-interest? Whatever the catalyst is, he essentially has nothing holding him back anymore. He's seeing his "friends" getting "serious", while he's out there dealing with known (and unknown) filming of one-night stands he had being used as revenge porn. That'd hurt and anger anyone, but from what has been shown, Boston thrives off of control and so having his sex life used against him would feel like an even bigger blow. They're minor events that are snowballing and Boston likely needs to feel that control again. It's why he pushes Nick down without a second thought when Nick is trying to pull him away (opposed to how Ray lets Sand pull him back). So he claims that control back, he deliberately reveals what he knows, purposefully taking Ray down with him. While he may be feeling like shit, at least he'll be better off than Ray, who's left to pick up the pieces.

Sand and Ray, the intentional destruction of the 'kingdom'

“In general you must either pamper people or destroy them; harm them just a little and they’ll hit back; harm them seriously and they won’t be able to. So if you’re going to do people harm, make sure you needn’t worry about their reaction.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Yes, Sand and Ray are in a “situationship.” Yes, they’re constantly getting both physically and emotionally closer. Yes, Sand is developing feelings for Ray (arguably vice versa too). But that’s it. They started off as friends with benefits and while they’ve been shifting around, neither one has fully crossed that line. There was no defined area in the relationship, at least not before the implosion. They’re barely getting to know each other, Sand even calls Ray out because he knew that Ray had never noticed him before, not in a way other than just the Bar Performer.

Ray is working through who he is without Mew, without his crush on Mew. He's come to the realization that while he put Mew as his #1 for many years, he's knows he's not that for Mew, and is slowly coming to the realization that he may have never been. These are his feelings to work out and his alone. Sand and Ray are first and foremost friends, as they had agreed upon and they happen to hook up often. This was what they agreed upon. Even if one or both of them are catching feelings, it does not mean that Ray has an automatic obligation to come clean to Sand.

Arguably, Boston was unaware of this set up, but honestly he didn't need to know. This was not his business, Boston didn't suddenly spill the fact that Ray has had feelings for Mew for years to look out for Sand. No, this was an intentional hit on Ray, where he was positive that it would hurt. Boston has repeatedly used Ray's feelings for Mew for his own convenience (Exhibit A: Meddling at the pool party), whether it be to get Ray to react in a certain way or to have a punching bag. He knew how defensive and reactive Ray would get when he brought up RayMew's kiss and supposed sex (was this ever confirmed?) that they had.

Boston speaks in definite presumptions when he talks about others, he does this to Top and he did it to Ray. He spins realities to how he sees fit and with the confidence that he speaks in, he makes others believe him. It's why Mew never questioned that Top is accustomed to sleeping around and didn't think that Top really wanted anything more than sex, because that's what Boston specifically told him that Top was like. It's why now Sand believes that he has no hour in Ray's life, even when Ray gives him the opening to ask more, because Boston purposefully spoke in definite terms. Even the most secure person would be left feeling unsure and unbalanced.

So when Sand, who knows that their relationship is based on being friends with benefits, is confronted with words from Ray's supposed friend who explicitly states that Ray is in love with Mew and that he's being used as a rebound, what else can he do but believe that?

What little trust and rapport that they had started to build up has come crumbling down. They're frantically gathering the pieces of a 'kingdom' that has been turn into dust, the aftermath of the Prince's wrath. It's why Ray scrambles for the bottle and it's why Sand shuts down. How can they react to what Boston did, when they're struggling to salvage the little remnants left behind of what was supposed to be a blossoming relationship?