#what vitamin am i low on making me crave such a thing

[spilling-blood]

Woke up with an intense craving for djarum blacks, of which I have not partaken in even one in 8 years.

[raineyana]

What is your normal grocery list? I’m about to be living at a dorm and I am looking for stuff to stock up on, I can’t really keep frozen foods though

i actually dont even cook all that much so i dont keep a lot of frozen foods either. this is my regular list when i go, usually weekly.

FASTING FOODS

okay so youre probably like. raine you arent supposed to eat anything when you fast. hear me out bc this is how i consistently fast a 20-4 schedule everyday, with a lot less binges than before, AND getting all of the benefits of fasting. and yeah, i still binge from time to time, but my binges are far less because my stomach actually cannot handle being fed over 1000 calories anymore, especially not all at once.

these are my ESSENTIALS so theyre pretty much the only things i consistently buy weekly.

cucumbers

chicken broth (0cal kind)

seaweed snacks

pickled ginger

tea (any, but i like trying new flavors ! my favorite is lemon ginger because it helps digestion, and green tea because it speeds up your metabolism. also a lot healthier than diet coke with the same amount of caffeine, also less likely to spike your blood sugar and kick you out of ketosis- which will make your cravings for food much worse)

...dont get me wrong i couldnt live without diet coke. but sometimes ill go for the healthier option.

why i eat these foods while i fast

these are foods that have extremely low cals and carbs (like less than 2 grams per/serving) so they wont kick you out of ketosis (which is the major benefit to fasting, where your body burns fat at a higher rate). when youre in ketosis, your body stops sending you as many cravings, which is why sometimes it feels easier to fast 24 hours after you last ate as opposed to 3 hours.

because i spend the majority of my time fasting, (and i would never be able to do that without these foods) i go through these items pretty quick.

but otherwise i only have to buy other healthy foods on a biweekly or even monthly basis, because i wont eat them as fast ! heres some things i rotate through depending on how sick of them i am lol.

regular food

built bars - essential for me. tons of protein, less sugar than other bars, and relatively low cal.

somebody on here introduced me to these and im soo glad they did. i dont remember who but if youre seeing this ilysm.

tuna creations packets - rly good for on the go, tons of flavors, lots of protein so they're really filling for only being 70-90cals depending on the flavor

blueberries + apples - so hard to over eat these two items, plus fiber

rice cakes - self explanatory

pistachios or sunflower seeds - great for curbing hunger, but im a little sick of them rn

a low cal air popped popcorn - i forget which brand i have rn, but its pretty good and has a lot of fiber.

chobani yogurt + yogurt protein drinks (50cal) - the fact that these r 50cals amaze me for how good they taste. the yogurt drinks are my favorite bc theres actually a shit ton of protein and taste pretty good without actually having to make myself a protein shake. the cookies and cream and peaches and cream are my favorites ive tried. good for breaking a fast with.

thats all i can think of atm ! sry for the fucking essay i hope this was a little helpful at least.

typing this out manically made me realize im a little crazy. i cant say with my whole chest that you should listen to me and my d1sordered thoughts, but i think everyone on here knows that already so... uh

please be kind to yourselves. take ur vitamins (even while fasting) i genuinely love you all every one of you fucked up bitches like me.

goodnight <3

[unabashegirl]

Different 1 (HS)

Summary: Harry is just like any other college student. He is a senior in Chicago University. He keeps to himself except when he is spending time with his closest friends, Sarah and Mitch. His world revolves around his future career, friends, and family. His quiet and routine driven life takes a turn, one weekend when he meets Y/N Y/L/N. She is way too different from him. She spends most of her days surrounded by people who care for superficial and materialistic things. Her parents are never home, and they think that with money everything can be solved. They are both from different worlds yet something that night clicks and Y/N can never again get him off her mind.

Author's note: I've decided to post the first chapter of Different. It is a story that is EXCLUSIVE for my Patreon subscribers. There are already NINE chapters posted.

Word count: 2.5K

DISCLAIMER: the following story is only available and exclusively posted on Patreon.

“So, are you coming?” Mitch asked him as they sat in the dining hall of the university and attempted to eat what they had chosen as their meal. Harry had ordered a warm tortilla soup and a side salad with some lemonade. He was a messy eater, and so he was careful not to spill any soup on his white sweater or worst yet, stain his sleeves.

“To Y/N’s party?” He asked unbothered and disinterested in the idea of partying at some rich girl’s house. “Are you even invited?” Harry had no intention of getting in trouble, especially for such a superficial thing as attending a party of an almost stranger.

“Obviously not” Harry rolled his eyes at him as he looked through the notes of his upcoming biochemistry class. “Emma was and I am sure if we ask her, she’ll help us get in.”

“We are barely friends with her!” He argued getting annoyed by his persistence. “Why are you so interested in going?” Harry challenged wanting to know the true reason. “We rarely see her. She is on another major and most importantly you don’t know her!”

“Isn’t she studying psychology or something ?” Sarah asked as she continued eating the grapes that she had carefully packed that morning. Mitch only nodded and took a sip out of his vitamin water.

“So what? I want to get to know her. It’s senior year, H. Let’s finally do something fun” Harry snorted but eventually gave in. Mitch had always craved to be popular and well-known around campus. Although he barely could count his friends on one hand. He blamed it on not having enough time to manage everything. Yet he barely turned in assignments. On the other hand, Harry was an introvert. He hated the uncomfortable silences that surged in conversations with strangers. Therefore, he avoided talking and making conversation altogether.

But either way no matter how annoyed Harry got with Mitch, they were still best friends.

That weekend they found themselves crammed into a small vehicle heading up north, where Y/N’s family house was situated. In a small town named Lake Forest. The town was known for its enormous and pricey houses. As soon as they pulled up into her street Harry already regretted leaving the dorms.

Mitch decided to park the car a few blocks away from the house due to the high congestion of cars. Emma was already waiting for them at the front of the gate with a drink in her hand.

“It’s about time you showed up! I am freezing my ass!” She complained evidently cold from the already low temperatures at the North Shore in early August. Y/N’s house was right on the coast of the Michigan River making the breeze even colder. “Come on already!” She stumped her food on the ground just like a little kid would do when throwing a tantrum. Regardless, she reached over and dialed the intercom.

“Hello?” A soft voice greeted them.

“Hey babe is Emma, could you open the door?” Her tone was completely different from the one that she was using a few minutes ago with them. She was cheerful and happy and kind.

“Oh hey! Yeah sure! Let me buzz you in!” Then within a matter of seconds, the front doors of the house opened up to them revealing a long driveway towards the house. The sides of the driveway were decorated with trees and bushes. Emma lead the way as the rest of them looked around awestruck.

“Who needs such a long driveway anyway?” Sarah questioned clearly annoyed by the attention that they were all giving Y/N without even having to meet her.

“Please don’t be weird” Emma pleaded with them when we came to the end of the road and across her huge house. “She is really nice. So, no need to be assholes” They all nodded before Sarah opened the door.

It wasn’t like Harry expected it to be like. He had assumed that the party would be filled with snobby super-rich kids complaining about their lives but to his surprise, there were people from all over, including people from their major.

There was also space to walk, talk and even sit without having to push or shove people around. Harry knew it was one of the perks of having a big ass house.

“Emma! Hey!” A girl smiled at her and began approaching them. She leaned in and hugged her tightly. “I am so glad you made it!”

“Hey! You look great!” Emma smiled widely at her “How’ve you been?”

“Good! How about yourself?” Emma goes on to explain her boy's problems and the issues about the current gossip going around involving her. All while the rest stood back and tried their best to follow. “Oh! These are my friends Harry, Sarah, and Mitch” She introduced them after a few minutes. I looked up and smiled at her still not sure what to make of her. “This is Y/N guys”

Y/N Y/L/N was pretty known around campus. She was an extrovert. She had at least one friend in every class. Y/N would befriend anyone who seemed lonely. She had this resting bitch face which people misinterpreted.

Harry’s eyes scanned her body and face wanting to confirm everything that Mitch had told him. He spoke about her none stop and even stalked her social media and followers.

She had this gorgeous, thick hair that ran down her back and stopped a few inches above her butt. She had doe-eyes that could move crowds. Y/N wore some type of black shirt, with blue jeans and an oversized cardigan. Her hair was pushed back, and she wore a shiny necklace that stole everyone’s attention. It had been a gift from her grandfather. It held a special place in her heart. She has never taken it off ever since it was gifted to her.

“Hi, guys, nice to meet you” Her voice was even appealing — Harry thought. She shook all of their hands, and she shook Harry’s hand last.

Y/N had never before interacted with him. She had seen him around campus with Emma yet she had never had a conversation with him. Let alone notice his natural beauty. She instantly found him attractive. He wore a simple black hoodie, beige jeans, and vans. His hair was stunning and his face structure reminded her of the carved statues in the museum.

Harry licked his lips and looked away. He felt intimidated by her glaze. His mouth was suddenly too dry and he needed a drink.

“Please help yourself in the kitchen and enjoy yourselves. Let me know if you need anything else” Y/N insisted just before she disappeared in the wave of people.

“What the fuck was that?” Mitch gasped for air, seconds after she left. “Did you see that ass?” Harry chuckled and shook his head at him. “Isn’t she stunning?”

“Yes, Mitch” Harry muttered. Mitch dragged him towards the kitchen in search of some drinks and snacks. “And you wonder why you are still single”. Harry said to him.

Mitch chuckled and continued to pour vodka into three red cups.

“That kind of girl only dates guys with trust funds,” Sarah remarked reaching out for a cup. “And you two don’t qualify”.

“Somebody’s cranky” Mitch poked her on her side. It was clear that Sarah wasn’t too happy. She knew it was silly, yet she couldn’t explain the feeling that bubbled within her. She was pretty but her confidence made her uncomfortable.

“Somebody needs to shut the fuck up” She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Now what?” Harry walked behind them as she exited the kitchen.

“Now we look around the house and try to guess how much everything is worth” Mitch winked, there were two huge glass doors that gave out to the backyard. They were open, expanding the length of the living room. People stood out around a small fire pit. Green grass extended and covered all of the property, ending by the wooden dock over the lake. “She has a fucking boat. Unbelievable” Mitch gasped under his breath.

“It’s my father’s” Her voice startled them as she walked up to them from behind. She barely used it anymore because the weather was starting to get cooler “It’s useful during the summer” Y/N would use it as a car and would drive to her other friends’ docks. “What’s your major?” she finally asked.

“Biology” Harry responded, “Mitch’s is engineering, and Sarah is in economics”.

Y/N leaned against the back of the couch, looking for some support for her back. She had been spending too much time hunched over the books in the library.

“That explains why I rarely see you on campus” Harry was studying biology with the intention of entering medical school. He had even already presented all the standardized exams to enter. He was just waiting for the results. Meanwhile, Mitch was staying in Chicago and Sarah was looking at job opportunities on the east coast.

“Y/N” a guy roughly around their age, walked up to them. His name was Brian and was pretty known around campus. His friends and he studied economics with Sarah. She tried her best to ignore him most days. She sat in front of him and detested the way he talked with superiority to others. Brian wrapped his arms around Y/N as he owned her. Like she was his and the world needed to know.

The gesture generated a small spark of jealousy within Harry.

“Hey. I am glad you made it” She slowly and gently tore off him. Y/N felt uncomfortable and so she took a step backward, trying to gain some distance between them.

“I bought more drinks. The boys are taking them into the kitchen”. Sarah rolled her eyes at the mention of the ‘boys’. She felt like she was back in high school when the popular kids were in this one group that was untouchable and desired by many. “Sorry and who are you?”

“These are my friends” Y/N warmly smiled.

“Right,” he nodded as he stared down at them. “Sarah! I didn’t know you came to these types of things”. She faked smiled back yet held back from insulting him. Brian would really get on her nerves.

“Go get yourself a drink” Y/N suggested, embarrassed of him.

Harry paid no attention to him. He was too invested in holding stares with Y/N.

“Will I get to speak to you later?” Brian looked down at her with a hard state, “Alone” he added. Y/N nodded slightly earning a soft stroke on the side of her face before he left them.

“Sorry about that. Brian plays hockey and his father is the owner of this amusement park corporation, and he thinks he is the big shit” They laughed but Harry could tell that she was still bothered by his attitude.

The party picked up after a few hours. Everyone was spilling drinks and the floor had gotten to that point where it was sticky, but people were having fun. Harry sat on the kitchen floor because all of the couches were occupied by horny couples. He was tired from all the dancing that Sarah and Emma had forced him into.

“Tired?”

“A- a bit” he stuttered surprised to see Y/N sitting beside him. “Y-you?”

“Very much” She admitted. She lived in an apartment in the city that her parents had bought for her during her freshman year. It was a small studio apartment. It was her haven which is why she never threw parties there. That and the fact that it was too small. Therefore, she had driven just like everyone else.

“Aren’t you worried they are trashing the place?” He was curious as to why she wasn’t kicking everyone out of the house, and she was so relaxed.

“They are having fun” Y/N watched Sarah and Mitch holding each other’s hand and spinning around in her living room and hysterically laughing at one another. “That’s what matters. Plus, it’s my parent's house” she shrugged.

“Aren’t they going to kill you?” Y/N’s parents were a touchy subject for her. She isn’t tensed up and quieted down. Harry instantly noticed that his comment had made her uncomfortable.

“They don’t really care” The psychology student confessed. She was surprised by herself. Y/N never spoke about them. She had a difficult relationship with them.

“I- I understand the feeling” He smiled at her weakly. And so, they allowed the comfortable silence to engulf them.

A few hours later, Mitch was drunk and so was Emma. Most people had already left. It was mostly them and three other friends of Y/N’s.

“I guess we should get going” Harry rose to his feet, pulling Mitch up too.

“Would you like some help?” She asked as she pulled Mitch’s other arm over her shoulder. They quietly dragged him out of the house and sat him on the steps leading up to the main entrance.

“Why don’t you go get the car and I’ll buzz you in, so you don’t have to drag him all the way down the street” She suggested. Harry remained quiet and ran out for the car. Meanwhile, Y/N woke up Sarah who had passed out on the couch in the living room.

Harry pulled up and unlocked the car doors so moving/ carrying Mitch was easier. Sarah got in the car by herself. Meanwhile, Harry and Y/N helped Mitch sit upright on the seat.

“You are so beautiful” Mitch slurred to her as she leaned over him to bucked him in. “Date me” he divulges. Y/N laughed at his drunken state.

“Next time big boy” She kissed his cheek and winked. Mitch threw his head back and passed out with a big smile.

“Oh! forgot about Emma!” Harry exclaimed, he felt Y/N’s hand on his forearm which instantly stopped any movement.

“She can stay here. Let her sleep. My parents aren’t home so the company would be nice” She pointed out. “I’ll drive her tomorrow”.

“O-okay” Harry stuttered then cleared his throat “Thank you for having us” Y/N leaned in and hugged him gently.

“Thank you for coming” She muttered before she pulled away. “I had lots of fun! Drive safe”

Harry smiled at her before getting into the car. He watched her through the rearview mirror as she waved. He found himself perplexed by her kindness, her beauty, her eyes, and her simplicity. It was too bad that they belonged to different worlds — he pondered.

chapter 2...

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health Update

I'm surprised by how glowing and clear my skin is. The only difference I made was taking the DIM Detox supplement and switching to reverse osmosis water. I also took some antibiotics which helped get rid of some infections. But those are gone - neck and ears completely healed. I do not have any rashes on my face and neck like I did weeks/months ago. My hands are clear and smooth with some cuts and some infection that's in the process of healing. They are itchy and I do rub them under hot water when I wash my hands, but they're also clear and smooth (feels like how they felt after I got my steroid shot and pills).

I would have never thought that excess estrogen is responsible for my eczema. I feel much much better now and I'm so happy. I thought it was a gut issue, but I guess not (not that gut health isn't important, but it wasn't the cause of my skin inflammation).

I am also slim and not bloated. I know DIM helps women lose weight, but I don't believe I have much at all to lose. Digestive enzymes help a lot with bloating.

I would imagine that some forms of birth control or even a hysterectomy would get rid of my eczema. But those are extreme (mostly hysterectomy), and I don't want to do any of those. My obgyn was more helpful with helping me clear my skin than my dermatologists. I definitely knew it was hormonal.

I've been taking the DIM for 2.5 weeks and I'll see how my skin improves with time. It's getting cooler now so I'm worried that the cold and dry weather might make my skin worse. I hope this doesn't happen.

I really like the reverse osmosis water. I think it does help health-wise. Getting organic food helps too, but I don't think it's possible to eat 100% organic. Nor is it possible to use 100% "clean products". I feel like naturally supporting key detoxing organs help. In this case it would be the liver because it plays a role in metabolizing and getting rid of excess estrogen (DIM helps it do that). The supplement is great, but of course I want to check with my doctor to see if it safe to take longterm. Unfortunately it's also pretty expensive.

I'm going to therapy tomorrow to discuss my diagnosis. I'm autistic and was diagnosed at a late age. And I want to get the support I was supposed to get decades ago.

I got a coffee today and some vegan cheese puffs. When it comes to "less than healthy stuff", I prefer having a small portion on the side than a whole treat. I had a mocha and brownie last week on Thursday and Friday. I think that's fine, but I would prefer to have a small treat. I did not finish my coffee and had a few sips because I just wasn't craving it. But overall my diet is pretty health and rich in fiber, protein, fats, vitamins, and minerals. I would say I eat 80-20 at this point. Not 100-0. I would not necessarily say I eat very low sugar either. I think my diet is an improvement because I used to order milkshakes and McDonald's years ago during COVID. I recently used to order pizza and sandwiches often, which are rich in processed white bread which is loaded with sugar, as well as inflammatory oils and I'm sure the sauces had hidden sugars. I now eat out less and eat less sugar, just not 0% sugar. And I'm still fine.

Today I remembered the days when Facebook, Myspace, Formspring, and Twitter were popular when I was in school and why I didn't have a lot of friends and people messaging and interacting with me. I always had less than 200 Facebook friends. I now realize it's because I'm autistic. Of course I never deserved social exclusion. but it's just something I remembered and considered.

I will heal mentally and get the support I need as an autistic woman.

In the past there were times where my blood sugar was great. I think what helps with it is 2 things, maybe even 3. (1) being at a healthy weight, (2) minimizing stress (fasting raised my blood sugar), and (3) physical activity (walking and light body circuits). I used to follow Rachael Attard's programs and her workouts were designed that way. I remember doing her programs and was at a healthy weight and my blood sugar levels were great. Though I was depressed back then and I was eating a lot of sugar and junk. I don't want to eat a lot of junk and don't want to be depressed and stressed. I'm at a healthy weight now and am putting less stress on my body because I'm not fasting everyday anymore. However I can go back to walking (I used to walk for an hour back then) and doing some light body circuits. I want to avoid anything heavy and challenging like HIIT or lifting because I tend to overeat when I do those.

I have experienced more physical stress from undereating than from overexercising in the past. For example, calorie restriction or fasting will cause more stress and inflammation than doing workouts focused on weighs and HIIT. I feel like I can continue with the anti-inflammatory diet and cycle fasting and definitely walk and do some sweaty pilates. I know this will help with my metabolic health, which is already great (blood pressure, sugar, cholesterol, etc...). But exercise will help even more with my sugar profile.

[blazehedgehog]

Would you claim that Sonic as a whole has more than just subjective personal merit, that it is more than just "a fun franchise to escape in from the troubles of life"? Does it have any "objective" meaning in the sense a great work of art has or is it just a fun blue hedgehog and nothing more?

This is going to sound rude, but: I don't care?

This is buried in my inbox a bit, but I remember there being a line of questions I got last year that seemed to be from someone who was either experiencing a crisis of faith with their sense of belonging within the Sonic fandom, or were trying to poke at me to see if I had any misgivings.

And this feels like another one of those asks from someone who is fishing for an answer along the lines of "Why do you care so much?"

In romance there's always this talk of "love at first sight." You see a person and you just know that your search is over, their the one, and you'll devote yourself to them no matter what.

I'd argue that happens for a lot of things. Not that you think of something in romantic terms, but that you find the right thing at the right time in your life and there's an instant connection. You can't really explain it because consciously you don't know. There's something deeper that feeds a part of your soul you aren't even aware of.

Like, I know food metaphors are really basic, but you know how sometimes you get an intense craving for something? That can be your body signalling that "hey, we're getting low on iron, could you eat, like, a big meaty hamburger for us?"

Your brain doesn't know that. There is no sign that lights up in your head that specifically says, in human English, "consume more iron." You don't know what's really going on, just that you can't stop thinking about a specific type of food that is rich in a vitamin or mineral your body needs more of. So while you, personally, in your head your only thought is "man that burger tasted amazing, I really needed that" the rest of your body is receiving a critical shipment of some vital element it needed for comfortable operation and technically you're none the wiser that the two were connected.

My point in all of this is not that you're an idiot and I'm somehow superior or that we should dig deep to discover the meanings of what our feelings are really telling us...

My point is that sometimes you want a thing, so you should have the thing. That's it. That's all. It doesn't have to be complicated. As long as you're not doing anything unhealthy, you should fulfill your needs, because they are needs for a reason. And sometimes, if you stop and try really hard to unpack and diagnose why you want the mysteries of your wants, you open the door to all kinds of other problems.

Let's go back to an iron deficiency. How do you detect that? With a blood test. You take a certain number of milliliters of blood, there's probably blotting paper involved, maybe a centrifuge, and you're given a blood cell count. You can't do that on your own.

If you try to self-diagnose iron deficiency at home, you could end up chasing shadows, getting it wrong, and never even know it. For months, maybe years, maybe your entire life. You need to see a doctor, and then the doctor prescribes vitamins or whatever.

You... can't... really do that with emotions. You can't go to a doctor, ask "Why do I like Sonic the Hedgehog? Is there a deeper meaning?" and get a medically consistent answer. A therapist can speculate, they can point you in directions, make suggestions of what it could be, and in the end they may even be correct. But maybe they aren't. And what works for one person might not work for another.

There is no Sonic the Hedgehog deficiency test.

I am of the type where, since it's not an affliction and is just fandom funnies, I don't think about it too hard. I just ride the wave, enjoy it for what it is, and let my brain indulge in the simple pleasure of going "wheeeeeee" without any consequences. It can just be what it is.

Is there a deeper meaning? Probably, yeah. Nature versus technology, kids versus adults, fantasy versus science, adrenaline versus sedentary. There's a lot of interpretations.

And for me, I've mentioned it before, but my dad was a drag racer. I never knew him much for a variety of different (mostly sad) reasons, but he owned and maintained his own car named "Ol' Yeller" that he used to compete in local events (his was hot rod modded Chevy Belair). When it came to what he spent his money on, he put it into going fast. Which, even if he never could consciously impart that on me, seems to have manifested in other ways.

I have never been a fan of trying to coax meaning out of places where there might not be any. Sometimes you just want to go fast and bop a funny robot, and whatever urges that satisfies in my brain, I don't care much to unpack it, because I'd rather be going fast and bopping robots, you know?

[levil0vesyou]

Oh hey, I realised I can just ask for advice!

(Note: This is (mostly) not ebegging (nothing wrong with ebegging, just wanna be clear) even if it may sound that way in the first section. Please keep reading. It's pretty long tho, sorry. I'll put it under a cut as I am planning to pin it but please, please read it, especially if we're mutuals. Reblogs are welcome, especially within the german blogosphere, but don't feel obligated.)

So as some of you know, my flatmate has locked me out of the kitchen because I didn't have money for groceries and thus kept eating his food. This includes the electric kettle, microwave and most cutlery but I did accidentally keep a spoon that I still have now. (I have a small bottle of dish soap so yes, I can reuse it as I do still have bathroom access.)

I have since received my first unemployment payment which, due to my previous (necessary) overconsumption is mostly gone again now. I have 20€ and change (cash so paypal and my other debtors can't seize it) left for the rest of the month (new unemployment payment should arrive on the 1st) but I'm struggling to make it stretch.

I've been trying to search up advice on this but couldn't find anything useful. If you have links or anything, that'd be awesome. Here's the key points:

I live in Germany so subject to the German costs of living. Because I also can't afford public transport fare, my store choice is pretty much limited to a small-ish Rewe nearby. There's also a Mäc Geiz and a pharmacy but ofc those aren't grocery stores.

I do not have food allergies but I am a vegetarian and unless I'm literally dying, this situation will not change that.

As mentioned I have no access to a kettle, a microwave, a stove, a fridge or any of that. I do have access to my popcorn machine (many years of trusty service, real mvp) but that's it. I have access to a spoon and a sharp knife. Not a chef's knife tho. I do not have access to spices.

My mental health is still very bad, I cannot leave the house some days and I don't think I'd be able to do anything elaborate. Thus, whatever I eat has to be easily (or not at all) prepared but not easily perishable.

At this point, my standards are very low. My current main thing is eating unheated canned food but I'm prepared to eat basically anything I can stomach (excluding meat, as mentioned) in any way that is possible for me. I'm eating unseasoned chickpeas out of a jar right now. They're actually pretty good. I also (under normal circumstances) sometimes eat dry pasta for funsies so that might give you an idea.

I eat a lot. Less at the moment but still above average. I need plenty of carbs or I will still be hungry after. Essentially, pretend I'm feeding two people here.

I keep craving salt. I'm usually decent at telling what foods my body needs by cravings so I've been eating many crisps since I no longer have a spice cabinet. But they're 'spensive. I've also been craving eggs but I have no way to indulge since afaik boiled eggs are only sold around Easter. Also fruit juice but I can eat some vitamin gummies I still have instead, that'll probably be fine.

As stated, the budget is 20€ for 1½ weeks. I do have a bit of food already, some Zwieback, a pack of Leibniz cookies, a small jar of applesauce, a (hopefully not too spicy) can of chili sin carne, stuff like that. Also some hardtack I made months ago and just now remembered, but not a lot of it and I have no way to soak it, tho I might be able to clean an empty can.

While I'm not hoping to inflict permanent damage on my body, I am willing to take a few more risks than I usually would. That said, I can barely handle one or two short grocery trips a week so foraging isn't a good option at the moment. Also, laundry situation is difficult rn so avoiding diarrhea would be awesome 👍

While I am unemployed and legally homeless (I just haven't left yet) I have no documentation for this at the moment. I mention this because some food banks and similar require such documentation. Also, again, I have a very low travel range rn (like... 200m. 500 on a good day) but if you know like some kind of... delivery food bank?? that exists in Bavaria (dm me for the city) that would be incredible.

No, I can't get a job. I literally just tried that (again) and have reached a personal new low as a result. There were some in-between steps (like that fucking clinic) but yea, that's not an option. No, not even home office. No, not even freelance.

This one might seem entitled but. I cannot keep eating the same thing. I do have my samefoods (tho I cannot cook pasta rn for obvious reasons) but especially lately, eating the same thing for more than two or three days in a row has been low key driving me insane. Might be because I've been mostly cut off from society for months, might be because my body is sick of it, who knows. But I need variety. Same thing twice a week is fine, but more than that is pushing it. I'm very sorry.

As stated, this is not an ebegging post and I want nobody to feel any kind of obligation but if we're mutuals and you have a German bank account (or Schengen and are willing to pay the fee) and you desperately want to, you may dm me about it. But you do not have to!!! And I literally only say this because I know what it feels like to be on the other end of this. No, paypal is not an option, I'm triple digits in the red there. Water droplet on a hot stone etc.

What I am looking for is advice, especially from people who have dealt with severe financial issues and/or homelessness/kitchenlessness before. I've been kitchenless before but I had a fridge, microwave and somewhat reasonable money then so it didn't really prepare me. You can either comment or reblog directly or you can dm me or send me an ask. Anon is enabled.

Either way, thank you so much for taking the time to read all this! I love you, may you have a good day <3

[not-pro-anathing]

TW-- ED - i am always pro-recovery. anyone who isn't, fucking leave.

- - - block, don't report - - -

these are just things that help me to stay as safe as possible and still see progress, and boundaries i put in place for myself to prevent permanent damage.

---------

VITAL TIPS THAT HAVE KEPT ME GOING:

if you're new to ed or just considering it, DO NOT purge in the traditional sense. it's a really really slippery slope, and really consumes your life in a way that's so so difficult to recover from. if you're fighting difficult cravings or just need something that's higher calories, try putting it in your mouth and chewing it, then spitting it out and quickly eating something safe. your body produces the digestive chemicals when it senses you chewing, so if you don't eat anything after you spit, it can cause serious problems high restriction

high restriction days are actually really good for keeping your metabolism up. often time with fasting or severe prolonged restriction, your metabolism slows enough that there will be little to no progress. your body will do its job and try to prevent weight loss in order to keep you going, which is counterproductive to the fast in the first place. this isn't my comparison, but metabolism is like a fire. without any fuel, it will diminish and grow weaker and slow down. if you continue to deny it in such a harsh way (ie fasting) it'll fade to just hot coals, which when you then try to ignite with a log or even branches (ie eating), it will refuse to catch and grow again. if you instead let the fire eat up all of it's fuel and then just as it begins to drop give it enough to keep it going (higher calorie days or periods of time), it will continue to burn

hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. thirst is often mistaken for hunger. always carry around water or some other hydrating beverage, and consciously make an effort to drink more then you normal do. after a while, it'll be second nature, and your body will thank you

start doing calisthenics, especially if a full workout/ cardio routine is too overwhelming or exhausting. it still works your body and helps your joint strength, and contributes to toning and resilience without building muscle

eat as much as you want of low cal things, ESPECIALLY all natural ones like fruits and veggies. i find that the easiest way to curb my hunger or oral fixation is to literally grab a whole cucumber or celery stalk and some seasoning, and just go nuts. eating an entire pint of strawberries is not bad for you, especially if it's all you feel up to eating

TAKE VITAMINS. you do not want your hair, skin, teeth, nails, or organs to suffer the brunt of your weightloss. vitamins, supplements, and mineral substitutes are a great and simple way to keep your body as healthy as possible

find a place to talk about it if you can. eds can be really isolating, and having an anonymous blog (lmao me), online friends, trusted person, journal, or anyone else who would be a safe place to vent is really important

take care of yourself, and be compassionate. you're pushing your body really hard. if you need a bag of pretzels to get through studying for that physics test, fucking eat the pretzels. they won't ruin you. just make sure to stop after that one thing- it's only there to keep you going enough to do what you need to do. it's not the gateway to a binge

eat slowly and really be conscious about what you're putting in your body. ask yourself "do i really need this right now?" if the answer is unequivocally yes, fine. but usually the answer is a no or probably not. be sure that what you eat is necessary and the best choice for what your body needs

set off-limit times of the day to prevent binges (ie not eating after 8:00 pm or before 9:00 am)

remember: you are not alone, you are not undeserving of love or recovery, if you are here you are sick enough, no one is beyond help, and you are not defined by your weight. ever.

stay safe <33

[tteokdoroki]

I've been watching your blog for awhile and I gotta say, it's fantastic. You tick so many of my favorite boxes! Poly Kiribaku, breeding/pregnancy etc, the recent virgin!bakugou content and more!

I know it has been a little while but the Kiribaku aftercare post reminded me of some thoughts I had about the older Kiribaku pregnant S/O stuff and I hope you don't mind if I share.

Obviously their SO would be the most protected pregnant lady ever. While I am confident almost no one would even be able to look at them funny if by some weird chance a bystander makes one of those rude comments people always love to say to pregnant ladies, I can only imagine how quick they'd be dust.

I have several more, but I don't want this to get to long. If it's not a bother, I'd love to send them as well. Idk if you pick your nonnies emojis or if they do. If I can pick, is this fox ok? 🦊 Really hope I'm not bugging you!

cw // pregnancy + kiribaku, lots of fluff !!

i wanna start by saying thank you so much for supporting my blog :( it truly means the entire world to me !! you’re never bugging and in fact, i love when people share their ideas with me and i can write with them!! so you’re more than welcome to come back any time !! ( also you can more than definitely be 🦊 anon!! n sorry for taking so long to reply )

as we already know, your unborn child is practically the most protected infant on the planet and they’re not even born yet. they would be when their fathers are pro heroes red riot and dynamight. from the moment they found out you’d all be parents, bakugou and kirishima immediately jumped into action— filling your house with everything you could ever need during your pregnancy.

baby books are usually splayed out across the sofa, kirishima enthusiastically learning little tid bits about pregnancy ( that you most likely already know from doctors appointments ), to share with you with a puppy dog eyes and a bright smile. you just know he’s excited. he teaches bakugou things like how to hold a baby, basically hosting his own pregnancy classes at home which usually end in an explosion or two and “you can’t do that when the babu arrives bakubro!”

katsuki is usually in charge of health and taking you to appointments, a real meanie he is, never giving into your unhealthy cravings while he takes the brunt force of your hormones. he leaves little sticky notes when he can, reminding you to take your supplements and vitamins because ‘they’re important for the damn brat.’, bakugou can be aggressive but you know from experience ( and catching him with his hands on your bump ) that he’s just as excited as kirishima for your baby.

that excitement quickly turns to anger whenever someone insults you; whether it be for the size of your bump or paparazzi trying to get an emotional rouse out of you for the tabloids— kirishima and bakugou are already dealing with it. your blonde husband has to be held back by whoever’s around— palm sparking with the starters of what could be a fatal explosion— you can never tell with how pissed he can get. chewing into the stranger so bad, they have even bigger tears pricking in their eyes than you do at their comments. kirishima i feel like, would be more intimidating. he’s the nice guy; the friendly pro hero who always makes you feel at home. “you wanna apologise?” hed say to the purpotraitor, voice low and steady. eijirou is never the nice guy when it comes to people offending you, in fact bakugou looks tame in comparison as kirishima hardens protectively.

[rotten-angel-bonez]

Harm reduction for people with BED

I have struggled and am still struggling with a kind of binge eating disorder (mixed with that spicy spicy anorexia) and on tumblr I always see harm reduction for people with EDs being focused on restrictive eating disorders. And while that's nice and all it never helped me with the binging side of my ED.

SO, I did some research and will now provide you with professional tips and personal experience on how to not fucking die from your BED because you fucking can.

Okay, now, what even is a binge ?

[binj] 1. a period of uncontrolled or excessive self-indulgent activity

Important keywords uncontrolled and excessive

Meaning, us people with BED can't exactly control our binge urges and we don't simply stop when we're full. This is quite important because people will sometimes mislabel overeating as a binge and that can be pretty harmful as overeating is rather linked to self control and portrays binges as something everyone should be able to control.

However, there are some things you can do to prevent frequent binge urges. While these may work for some people, they won't for others and that's super duper okay and you're still 1000% valid.

Preventive measures:

- making sure you're hydrated

- regularly taking vitamins (and other mineral supplements if necessary)

- having a balanced diet (aka eating frequently and getting all the nutrients you need, his includes unhealthy snacks too)

- getting enough protein!!

- knowing and trying to avoid triggers (trigger foods, situations etc.)

As I said, these won't always work but they can help.

If you aren't able to basically prevent a binge, you can still make sure you're being safe when you binge.

These "tips" are about reducing the calorie intake during a binge (note: there is not calorie limit that qualifies something as a binge, the thing that's important is HOW these things are consumed -> without control/excessively), improving your overall wellbeing after the binge and reducing guilt.

How to make a binge safer:

(Some of these may be quite obvious but I think they're still important to mention)

- binge on fruit and/or vegetables -> less guilt because healthy; you may feel satisfied faster; your body generally feels better the days after bc vitamins and water in those

- drink something in between foods/bites/during the binge -> uncomfortable fulness feeling that drives you to stop sets in faster but also goes away faster; hydration; helps with digestion

- eat high volume foods (salad etc; foods that are high in volume but low in calories) -> earlier fulness; feeling satisfied earlier

- take small breaks in between foods -> forcing yourself to stop for a few minutes (while telling yourself you're allowed to continue eating after that) may help you "get a grip" of your urges and stop completely (this might not work for everyone)

- try to eat foods that are low carb (may be really difficult bc I know that pasta/bread/pizza craving is one hell of a bitch) -> you will be less bloated the next day (which may be easier to handle mentally)

- decide to binge on something that you have to prepare first -> test your binge's "dedication" and maybe it's either too much work or while you're preparing the food, the urge disappears or flares down

- eat ice -> idk how to explain this but sometimes just the sensation of chewing on something (gum might work too for some people, doesn't for me) helps me and makes the urge to binge go away

The binge happened, what now?

Later that day or the following days, you might feel like shit, physically and mentally.

So how do you work through that feeling?

How to feel better physically after a binge:

- make yourself some hot tea (chamomile, peppermint, green tea or just whatever you like) and sip on that -> helps to be less bloated

- sip on water throughout the day (don't chug it) -> helps digestion and to be less bloated

- go on a walk, get some fresh air, do light exercises like yoga -> get your body moving and burn *some* calories; helps to feel better and less sick; takes away some of the guilt you might be holding onto (DON'T HEAVILY EXCERCISE AS IT MIGHT FUCK YOUR BODY UP EVEN MORE AND MAKE YOU RLY SICK)

- take a nap

- don't frickin fast (might make you binge again), instead have some light meals filled with fiber -> boost metabolism and digestion (I suggest waiting until 24-36 hours after your binge to really fast again -> stomach expanded a lot and you might get so hungry you binge, so wait for your stomach to relax a bit)

How to feel better mentally:

- don't look in the mirror for too long -> you're probably bloated and seeing your body like that will not help

- don't weigh yourself for 2-5 days after your binge -> your weight will have jumped up a whole bunch, it might be mostly water weight but it could still upset you

- don't beat yourself up about it, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself

- try to work through your feelings and find out what might have caused your binge -> that way you may be able to avoid such situations in the future

- accept that it happened and that there was no way for you to prevent it, it's not your fault

- remember that you are not any less valid or less loved because you binged, your worth is not defined by this

This is all I can come up with right now,

You are important and loved and deserve recovery♡

Stay safe, everyone

[It would really mean the world to me if you could reblog this even if you have a restrictive eating disorder]

[detectivehannibal]

31 Weeks

—

Hannibal Lecter x Fem. Reader

Warnings: None

Requested by: @chuuulip​ 

Word Count: 1,153

“I see you found my secret stash,”

—

A groan echoed off of the walls as you moved through the house, waddling like a penguin along the way. This was the most casual you had been in a long time, considering your jeans and buttoned pants didn’t fit anymore. For now, elastic band sweatpants and t-shirts would have to suffice. You had been given strict instructions to lay low at home until it was time for your baby to be introduced to the world.

So, here you were. 31 weeks pregnant, in the middle of the night, and somewhat miserable. Your back ached, your belly was extremely risen, your feet were swollen, and you were so HUNGRY. It was apparently a myth that pregnant women actually had to eat more, but you were convinced your appetite had doubled in the last several months.

Hannibal was being very supportive during this, waiting on you hand and foot for your every need. He was sure you were getting the right nutrients to be supplementing a healthy and happy baby. He was so beyond ecstatic to have a little one on the way. While your developing tot wasn’t exactly planned, Hannibal was still over the moon that you were pregnant.

He was very careful and cautious of what foods he put into his body and it had sort of rubbed off on you in 3 years of dating and 2 years of marriage. He was sure you were getting the right nutrients to be supplementing your healthy and happy baby. Still, pregnancy had proven a challenge for you because you had a craving for things you hadn’t eaten since you were a kid.

It was 12:01 AM on a Friday night and your unborn child was kicking like crazy. It was impossible to get any shuteye with two human feet whacking inside you, so you decided to pad downstairs until the kicks slowed. You had one hand on your lower back and the other on your belly as you entered the kitchen with a sigh. Although this pregnancy was exhausting at times, you were loving every minute of it. How could a mother not enjoy the precious moments of their growing kid?

You flipped on the light switch in the kitchen, the hum of the lights illuminating the room. Normally, you never went through any of the cabinets, drawers, or anything in the kitchen. Hannibal didn’t even let you in the kitchen while he cooked until you were married. However, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to rummage around on the off chance he had some snacks laying around. Your chances were slim, but you decided it was worth a look.

You searched past salt shakers, breads, fruits, vegetables...then low and behold you saw a sight you never thought you’d lay eyes on in the Lecter household. You took the unopened, paper-like package in your hands and stared at it for a few seconds. It didn’t even feel real. Why the hell did Hannibal Lecter, master of fine culinary arts, have Goldfish crackers in his pantry?

Your mouth watered as you raked over the cartoonish image on the bag. You tore and peeled the bag open, the foil on the inside was just as it was when you were younger. You reached into the bag and popped a few in your mouth. Why were these the most delicious things you had ever tasted in your entire life? There wasn’t much to Goldfish. You could eat 40 of them and not even feel remotely satisfied. Your snacking paused at the sound of someone clearing their throat from the doorway.

You looked up to see Hannibal standing there rather stone-faced but with an amused look in his eyes. You felt like a kid who’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar...or the goldfish bag for that matter. You looked down briefly and then back to him;

“Hi,” You said quietly.

“Hello,” He replied with a grogginess to his tone; “I see you found my secret stash,”

Your eyes widened and you turned back to the cabinet where you had found your golden ticket snack;

“You have a stash?” You asked wondering what other sort of things he might’ve had.

He only smiled and approached you at the counter, closing the cabinet in the process;

“How’s our little girl doing in there?” He asked motioning towards your belly.

You took his hand and placed it on your bump so he could feel just how active your little one tended to be at night.

“She’s kicking,” He announced.

“Like a soccer player,” You added.

“It’s a good thing. It means she’s healthy and responsive,” He stated matter-of-factly; “I presume you gave in to typical pregnancy cravings?” He asked turning his attention.

You huffed out loud, thinking you were about to get lectured on healthy nutritious eating for you and the baby;

“Hannibal, I haven’t had one single bad food this entire pregnancy. I’ve ignored crazy cravings for seven months,” You said beginning to rant; “I’ve been consuming all my vegetables, fruits, prenatal vitamins, and that weird milk thing my doctor wants me to drink,”

A chuckle bubbled out of Hannibal’s chest. Maybe he had been pushing this nutrition thing a little too hard. He didn’t mean to stress you out or make you unhappy. He just wanted to be sure that you and the baby would be healthy at the end of your third trimester. After all, a few little snacks never hurt anyone. He took the bag from you, taking a handful of them himself. You looked at him in shock;

“I must say this is something I never thought I’d live to see,” You proclaimed.

It was obvious that even the fine and fit Hannibal Lecter had a taste for America’s favorite snack time fish;

“Actually, they’re often used as an accompany for various winter soups,” He said with confidence; “Also, everybody has their own favorite guilty pleasure delicacy,”

You hummed in affirmation, suddenly not feeling so bad about raiding his kitchen anymore. This was an odd scenario. Just you and Hannibal (as well as your daughter you were carrying) in the middle of the night doing nothing other than supplying a wanted desire. Who would’ve thought? Before long, the feeling of little baby feet going at it stopped for the time being, your call to get some sleep before she started back again.

“I think our spontaneous snack time is over.” You admitted, feeling slumber quickly approaching.

Hannibal nodded, closing what was left of the Goldfish and placing it back in the cabinet. He kissed your temple and ushered you along out of the kitchen and back to bed. After all, along with proper nutrients, a good night of sleep was also beneficial. For as long as you had another life to take care of and provide for, Hannibal would be there to help and guide you.

For how ever long it might be.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: The Family Cooking Bible

When Head Millennial was over last Wednesday I did the thing I often do where I offer two things they could make for my dinner and let him pick which one.  Usually it's one simple thing for if they have worn themself out and a more complicated or labor intensive option for if they're up to that after they've done the other stuff on the list for the day.  In this case, I've been having the kind of cravings that suggest low grade deficiency, so the easy option was a protein thing and the other option was high in vitamin C and good for depleted electrolytes.  I mentioned why it needed to be one of the two nutritionally.  They insisted on making both, which is fine since I could eat the bocas while they started the sauerkraut and sweet biscuits and I could just reheat that sucker later for second meal, which I totally did.  (They also prepped a salad with vegetarian friendly protein in it, knowing I would finish it with artichoke heats fore electrolytes.  head Millennial is a super star.)

I mentioned before that the big cooking bible is full of handwritten notes and glosses from various of my family members including me, and that we generally translate the recipes with certain standard substitutions we generally don't bother to write in.  This is why I am still using the stained, battered, and falling apart original and not the replacement I bought over half a decade ago.  I really need to sit down and transfer all the glosses across, but...  Anyway, the glosses and corrections that aren't mine were written by dead family members, which is another reason I've been slow to transcribe it all across.

So Head Millennial grabs the recipe book, finds the recipe that the real recipe is based on, but keeps double checking the changes since neither my grandmother, mother, nor I ever bothered to write the glosses in because it was obvious to us what to change or add.  But of course it isn't for the Millennial who's never seen, heard, or smelled this before the night he made it the first time.  So I answer the questions, but after I'm like, "It's totally fine if you want to check with me every time, but you are also welcome to write in the recipe changes in pencil.  Everybody does it."  So the Millennial asked for the pencil, and started writing in the changes, and I'm like, you know you can write in the sauerkraut and water proportions too if you like.  Which they eagerly did.

It was a huge relief to them.  They can confidently do it themself if they needs to, which is very much how they likes to work.  They are very bright and independent, and like me back when I was working like to know all the things.  It wasn't until Thursday evening that it dawned on me, Oh!  They were having extra emotions about it because they were writing in my family book.  It didn't occur to me that it would be odd, as really, my relationship with them is very much like Gran's relationship with me was, only in this instance, I am Gran.  (Gran was my Mother's Maternal Grandmother who lived to be a hundred.  she was one of the many gender nonconforming family members on that side of my family tree.  I was very close to her.  She died at the end of my first year at College).  Of course Head Millennial can gloss away all they like in the cooking bible: they are family.  (One of the older Millennials often reminds me of how my Mother and Grammy were together, with me being Grammy, my Mother's Mother, in this instance).

It is so strange to me still after all this time.  I never expected to survive this long.  I almost didn't because of Herberton, the tumor colony we removed in my mid thirties.  I never expected to survive to be a queer elder at all.  I very deliberately never had or adopted kids.  (Skye and I thought seriously about fostering older queer kids, but it didn't work out for a bunch of reasons).  still, here I am replicating the extended family multi generational dynamics of my mother's side of the family, the mutual aid and care and fundamental warmth of it, only from the other side of the mirror.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Future trajectory of healing/anxiety and trauma management

I'm still working on healing. I am miserable and am in a vicious cycle.

I am feeling better ever since I started taking my supplements. It helped me with my mood and it definitely helped me curb my cravings for junk and sugar which makes me feel a lot better in return. Eating better and limiting sugar will help me naturally shed fat without putting too much effort and will help me open up my spiritual and emotional wellbeing since cutting out junk and sugar/limiting them is so empowering and puts me in a wonderful and open mood. Like I feel like meditating and reading books and relaxing and improving my vocabulary, things I can never do since I'm always super tense. I don't diet nor restrict nor eat low calorie meals or snacks like i did in the past, I just feel much more inclined to eat healthy and limit my intake of junk and don't go crazy if someone is eating cake or ice cream or fries in front of me. My vitamins are powerful and that's all it took to manage my poor eating habits. Eventually I'll gain the confidence to dress better and take better care of my appearance once I really look and feel healthy and happy with myself. This takes time though.

I've also established myself quite well in terms of my career and current state. I think I am successful. I have 2 college degrees, work as a cell biologist, make a decent salary, am financially independent. My position is secure and well respected and my finances are also secure. I do feel hurt every now and then by those who hurt me in the past, but honestly fuck them. I am successful and doing well. I'm going to continue the trajectory of my career and finances and will established my wonderful and open mood mentioned previously and this guarantees absolute success and guarantees I am rising above those who hurt me who are essentially nobodies. But I need to be consistent and determined and put in the effort.

The above 2 take time and effort, and I just started not too long ago. But It will work out if I keep up the great work.

There are 2 other things that are fucking me over and are provoking my anxiety and trauma. Those will take forever to recover from. At least the above 2 are being addressed. And those will take time to fix, imagine how long these 2 other issues will take. One revolves around dental health and health anxiety and fear of doctors, the other around harassment, being left out of socializing, being attracted to not the best people (especially guys) and not knowing how to establish healthy relationships. These 2 are going take a really really really really really long time to face. And I cannot call myself anxiety free until I have healed and improved upon them.

I expect to do well with the above 2 and succeed in those this year. The last 2 who the fuck knows. Even addressing them is bad enough, imagine what it's like dealing with them step by step. I can't even talk about them in therapy because they are that triggering.

[goth-girlfriend]

Good evening😬or morning or whateva :D I'm going to spoil you with a Endeavor request: Endeavor having sex with his affair and she gets pregnant but is too scared to tell him because of his past and when Endeavor finds out on accident he promises to be a good father and it turns out right :) like he plays with the baby all the time and cuddles it, super fluffy 😌

Good!.....night? It’s like 1:34 in the morning.... sooooo Good! morning! (8-24-2020) To you, you lovely person, spoiling me with such a great Endeavor Request 😌

I hope your day goes well as soon as I post this! Stay hydrated! 💦💙

💙💙❤️🖤❤️💙💙❤️🖤❤️💙💙

I couldn’t fight the tears as they started to sting along my water lines, I forced my eyes closed and tried to kick my lips, they tasted like poison and rubbed. I reached out for the countertop in-front of me. Finger shaking, just slightly as I grabbed the plastic in my hand. Three of four, say positive, the fourth didn’t give me an answer. How did this happen?!

“I know how this happen, in a very pleasurable way.....because I was being an idiot four months ago!” I scolded myself after asking my self the questions.

I swallowed and looked at my phone, it was new, Enji, bought it for me when I’d lost my old one off the roof of his car. I shuffled on my seat that were the steps to my tub. I took a deep breath, “I can’t tell him, I’ll have to leave him. I don’t want my child to go through the same things his children did.”

I stood up and started pacing the bathroom, “good plan good plan.” I lied to myself.

“Maybe I should tell him? I won’t be able to do it alone....” I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror, “No! What if.”

I felt the hot streaks running down the curves of my cheeks and jaw, but it didn’t register. I clenched my jaw and forced my eyes shut, I felt queasy, and the puking began. I stood up after kneeling for like ten minutes and rushed over to my legs mirror. I rose my hoodie, and it all made sense why I’d gained weight, if you looked hard enough, you could the bulge slowly not really, but just becoming visible, I looked bloated... maybe that’s why he never realized it.... also since it’s winter I’ve been using sweaters and hoodies much to Enji’s distaste. I laughed to myself before pouting, and placing both my hands on either side of my stomach, “I’m scared....” I swallowed the taste of fear, maybe puke, “I’ve never done this... I can’t call my parents... there not in Japan....” I fidgeted and pulled my shirt down, I heard the door bell and perked up, “Oh! My Noodles are here!”

I rushed to the door wallet in hand and ready to get my dood only to come face with Enji.

“Heeeeyyyyyy,” I poked my head out the door and looked around then poured and looked up at him, “You’re not the delivery guy.”

He gave me a look that clearly stated “Are you SERIOUS?”

“Right! You should come in before my pesky neighbor sees!” I pulled him in and looked around once more, my closest neighbor was actually about a quarter mile away, but that doesn’t matter.

“Soooooo,” I turned around and licked the door, “I didn’t expect you at all.” I smiled and fidgeted with my hands feeling sick.

“I’ve come to discuss this relationship.” His words were straight, I felt a fill run through my blood and bones, if he leaves.... what am I gonna do?

“Oh,” I nodded looked down, my voice was a whisper, “I guess say what you need.”

“I can’t keep having an affair, there are rumors rising already. My image can’t be ruined like this.”

I felt my heart pick up, my breathing felt struggled.

“I see,” I didn’t look up as I made myself take a breath feeling my heartbeat in my throat, “well, if this is it, I guess I should give back the jewelry, and other expensive gifts huh?”

“No, keep them, that’s not what I’m here for.” He shook his head eyes closed.

“Alright, is there anything else you need to say? Before you go?”

“I’m getting a divorce,” the words were like a punch to the stomach, I wasn’t the one being divorced but it definitely hit, I felt it rushing up. I rushed or my bathroom and stuffed the pregnancy tests into my hoodie pocket so Enji wouldn’t see them, I clung to the toilet shoving up the seat puked letting it all out. I was met with a tug at my hair, Enji was holding it back and fumbling with a black scrunches I’d left on my sink. He sighed as he rubbed my back, he kneeled beside me rubbing my back and handing me toilet tissue to wipe my mouth a bit that burned its wya through my nose. I took it and wiped my mouth away, I dry heaved a bit, and felt myself shaking, cold, so cold. Enji kept flushing the toilet until it was all gone, he helped me to sit on the toilet, “You’re sick.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, “Don’t move from here until I get back.”

I nodded and looked down, I let out a sigh and groaned, a divorce? He’s leaving Rei? Officially? I mean, it’s good cause this won’t be so scandalous anymore, but... it’s sudden.

I tried to stand by my thighs were shaky and weak. I paced my hands into hem and felt tears, I closed my eyes and let them fall, a new heat on my cheeks wiped them away, I looked to see Enji there, hands on my face, he could definitely crush my skull, his eyes looked sad, but his face was not showing that.

“I brought you water and some medicine to help with nausea. I don’t know what this is, but let’s get you to bed, you look tired, your cheeks and eyes are red and you look weak.” He didn’t let me answer as he gave me the medicine and stood up making his way to my room outside the bathroom and I could hear him moving the blankets.

Getting it my bed Enji told my to put my hand up, I did, he pulled my hoodie off leaving me in the tank top I wore underneath. Something fell but I don’t pay attention to what, but mostly because Enji was helping me sit, even if I didn’t want to. “You’ve already order food, I’ll wait here with you until gets here.”

He took my hand squeezed and I just nodded, the tears in my eyes, I didn’t even feel them, “So sweet.”

For a minute I forgot I was pregnant, until my phone gave a buzz, I looked ya it on the nightstand. I know the chime, it was for my period tracker, I’d neglected completely four times now. Enji didn’t read my phone simply handing it to me. I thanked him and swiped away the notification, “sleep.” He said and brought his free hand to brush my hair back, I craved his warm hand in this cold moment, “If you leave wake me up.” He nodded, and I sighed and started to shuffle in the blanket.

***

“(Y/n),” I was shook awake, I blinked a few times feeling hot in the blanket I sat and pushed it back, I stood up and just as I was about to answer, back in the bathroom.

“We should take you to a doctor.” I hugged and nodded, “yeeaaahhhh.”

“Do you have one?” He asked and looked at his phone.

“No sir.” I was honest.

I heard him sigh, “Take off that shirt,” I hear him walk away followed by some clattering. I pulled off my shirt and he brought back my hoodie, “Wear this, I’m taking you to a doctor.”

He left again and started to talk on the phone, I pouted and pulled on my hoodie after taking off my shirt, “bully, I didn’t even get my lunch.”

I walked spurns my house in the socks I just pulled on looking for my shoes, “where?” I dropped to my knees looking under the sofa, “are you?” I reached aliens and felt something.

“Shoes?” I asked and pulled out some old low sneakers that I used to wear.... once, when I tried to work out.

“It’ll work.” I shrugged and started to pull them on.

“Ready?” I answered back with “YES DADDY SIR IM READY!” I heard a heavy sigh and smiled pushing myself off the floor as he walked into the room, he held up a bag, my food.

“Get in the car.” He tossed me my keys, “No driving.” I nodded and rushed to my car and got in the passenger side and turned it on. I pulled on my seat belt and sat waiting, I huffed after literally two minutes passed.

I honked then smiled seeing Enji come into the garage, I got happy, I like car rides with Enji...kinda like a dog I guess.... he handed me the plastic bag and placed a lime soda in the cup holder, “Do NOT, open it until were on the road.” I nodded and waited, until we pulled out and took the turn.

I opened my bag and found the stir fry noddles is been craving all day, “Don’t way to much, if you puke again well have to stop and clean the car.” “Okay, got it.”

I started of eat and look out the window and indulge in the noodles. I stopped a quarter way in when I felt a shuffle in my abdomen. My food was hitting on an empty stomach, and it’s showing. I covered the food up and placed it back in the bag and tried to didn’t some soda. I finished the drink by the time we pulled up to a clinc.... a women’s clinic. I cringed at the sight. “Why here?” I asked.

“I thought you’d be more comfortable with a woman for your doctor.

“Okaaaayyyy.” I prepped myself to get out, I watched Enji get out with no hesitation, I still hesitated, until he came and opened my door offering a hand. I took it and was pulled back by my seatbelt. I laughed sheepishly and I clicked it before getting help again. We walked in and surprisingly empty, I guess the parking lot gave that away though. We walked in, Enji made me sit, he went and got the paper work from the secretary, and brought it back and I started to fill it out. I smiled as I gave back to him, and he got up and took it back. He told the nurse something and she nodded with a big smile. He nodded and came back to sit by my side. I felt nervous, and didn’t fight the bouncing of my leg, I shimmied closer to his side and leaned my head on his shoulder. A few minutes passed until they called. They took blood for vitamin checks, and muscle and bone stuff, urine for some tests, something about protein and I didn’t catch the rest. They told me to sit on the bed my doctor would be here soon. Then asked if I’d like Enji in the room or not, I nodded and said yes let him stay, I kNOW WHAT THIS IS.... maybe it won’t be so bad with someone else. A few more minutes and here she came, a short plump woman with bright eyes.

“I’m here, so tell me whats happening.” She said and didn’t even look at me, just read some papers.

“Well, I’ve been queasy, and I’ve been puking most of the day-“ I was wished by a hand on my back, “This will help you.” I watched Enji reach into his pocket and pull out a ziplock I cringed at the sight, the four tests I’d stuffed in my jacket.

The doctor took it and looked at them and laughed, “Well,” she smiled and clipped them to her board, “I’ll tell them to run the urine for a test.”

“Thank you.” Enji answered and she nodded then left.

“.......sooooooo, hows the weather up there?” I said not looking up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He didn’t look at me, just ahead at the wall. I looked around, “I was scared, that maybe, you wouldn’t want it or you know....your past... that you might... you know.....” The sigh he let out was depressing, I tried to look at him. I was hurt, out of every fight I’ve ever seen him in, I felt like maybe, just maybe, this would be the lowest I’d ever see him. “I-“ “No, don’t say your sorry,” his stare still on the floor, “I don’t blame you.... for thinking those things, if you want to leave with this child then you can do so. I just want you to know these few things before you make a choice.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, it’s weird because I’m not the one who just got emotionally wounded.

“I don’t deserve to be a father again, I know it, I understand the things I’ve done are not right. It can’t easily be forgiven. The things I’ve done can last over a life time, I’m working to fix all these things, I don’t want to hurt the one I love anymore, but I can’t stand the thought of hurting innocent people. I wanted to spend what’s left of my life with you, this is sudden, and you have the decision and freedom to decide what you think is best, but I promise you, this time, I will be the best man I can for you, and for this child. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to be the best I can and prove that I know what it’s like to be real father, to show I know what love really is. I won’t force you to make any decisions, and I won’t force my way into its life, I only want to do this, if you do this with me.”

I nodded and swallowed, great now IM crying. I tired to reach for his hand, “Enji.” His hand squeezed mine once I held his, “I’d love to share my life and first child with you,” I sniffled, “I don’t want my first child to not know it’s dad, so please, do everything you can to be there for us.”

***

“ILL,” I grunted and squeezed the hand burning my flesh, “I promise,” I let out a deep breath, “I’ll show you pain when this is over.” I took a few labored breaths, squeezing his hand, I pulled my hand out of his and took of my new wedding ring, “hold this it’s about to hurt us both once this head starts coming out.” I hissed feeling a sharp pain and then I felt it, it felt like a poop you can’t hold it, it dropped lower and “Alright Mrs.Todoroki, it’s crowning, so just give us a nice push-“

I flexed my lower abdomen and stopped when he said, I took breath, and clenched to Enji’s hand making sure to not squeezed my lower muscles in pain to avoid excessive bruising, “1...2...3... and push.”

I pushed again feeling pressure leaving my inside and pouring out of me, “Breathe,” the Doctor said and she looked up at me, “Someone has definitely been doing their workouts, this is going very quick and smooth.” She disappeared behind my legs and said “Last one,” a paused that felt like an hour, “Push-“ crying filled the room, “It’s a boy! Congratulations! Would you like to cut the umbilical cord Mr.Todoroki?” I let go of his hand but he hesitated, I nodded at him with a smile, the blood drained from him when he saw what everything looked like down there, he took the scissors and quickly cut before coming back to my side, “Placenta is coming.” She sis do felt another wave of pressure leaving me stomach, and I heard a wet plop, and a metallic sound. I shivered but quickly recovered when my necked son was placed on my now bear chest, I held him close and cried, he was a bit bloody still but I was so happy. The tears started falling as I hugged his gently and kissed his head of already bright red hair. “Precious, boy.” I said and gen’s got tried to rub some stuff off his face, he quickly attached to my breast and started to suckle,t tears didn’t stop as I looked up at Enji, he was wiping his own eyes.

“Have you thought of any names? Or should we wait a while?” The doctors said replacing her gloves and smock. “Well,” I looked up at Enji, “Things worked out, so? How about it?”

The doctor looked between us and Enji took the pen and notepad a nurse was holding, he wrote down the name and they nodded and took it, “Well then, I’ll leave you two with him a while longer until your pain has subsided and then we’ll take him to be weighed, and a few other things.”

We nodded and she smiled, “Congratulations, to the both of you.” Once more, after he stopped suckling I handed him to Enji and pulled my gown up, Enji seemed so scared, the baby WASNT small, he had rolls already, and they’re beautiful, but in Enji’s hands, he’s so small. “Hello,” he whispered and tried to cradle it ashore his chest on his forearm, it’s head resting against his bicep and pec. He brought his free hand to cover its torso and side, “I’m your father, I won’t ever leave you, I won’t ever hurt you, I never want to lose you, I’ll be with you always.” Call the hormone imbalance and recent loss of my child, but I was crying, I covered my face with my hands wiping the tears away, so cute.

***

“Enji?” I peeked into my room, nothing, “Enji?” Nothing was in the babies room, “Enji-“ there he was ok his back, on the floor, baby held up in the air, in his hands. The baby was laughing and flailing his arms and kicking. It was cute, I’d bought him an endeavor themed baby onesie, and Enji was wearing his hero costume without the armor. I stayed quiet watching as he stood up, and held the baby up to his shoulder, the baby placing a fist and his cheek on his shoulder, his eyes closed as Enji held him close. “I promise, I’ll never leave you.”

***

“where is he?!” I panicked and looked for my son, who just disappeared. I ran around the house and panic rose through the round when I heard gurgling don’t DROWN PELASE DONT DROWN BABY! Bursting into the master room fight or flight on high I felt stupid seeing Enji sleeping on his back arm circled around and pulling into his side the bundle of fire and Todoroki I was panicking for. The baby cooed moving closer to Enji, I sighed, my adrenaline wearing down, it was cute, especially when Enji turned to his side to hug our son to his chest, and mumbled out, “I’ll become someone you’ll be proud of, someone you can count on always.”

🤍🤍💙❤️💙🤍🖤🤍💙❤️💙🤍🤍

Support a small business?

[corvus--rex]

Since I don't write smut, I wanted to challenge myself to cover an Omega's heat without it. That thought resulted in this unfinished piece. Semi-abandoned, it features Omega Keith and Alpha Lance during the week of Keith's heat. It could conceivably be a one shot all on its own, but has a bit of an open ending, which is why I want to come back to it at some point. It - obviously - is an Omegaverse, so skip it if it's not your thing :)

~*~*~*~

Keith paced in his bedroom, becoming more restless. He’d known his heat was starting that day, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t concentrate on anything. Not his digital art, not his piano, not his paints or charcoals, not his photography. And he was absolutely not touching his embroidery or cross-stitching projects. Both were so detailed he would end up stabbing himself and possibly destroying hours’ worth of work. Not even the playlist he had specially cultivated for his heats was helping. He was losing patience. Keith knew exactly what would help, but Lance hadn’t come home yet, the Alpha unable to get the first day of his mate’s heat off this time. The rest of the week was clear, but trying to deal with even one day felt like torture.

Keith had built and destroyed six nests at that point, not even that helping to calm him. He had no idea what was keeping him so worked up. His heat would hit its peak on day three, but this was day one. He really did not want to think about what two days from then would be like. At least he would have his Alpha there to help him through it. Speaking of said Alpha, where the fuck was Lance? He should have been home at least ten minutes earlier. Keith went back to pacing like a caged animal, his head snapping toward the direction of their front door when he heard the key in the lock.

Running footsteps preceded Lance rushing into their bedroom, kicking his shoes off and shedding his jacket while he ran.

“I am so sorry, cariño. Iverson came by today, and, as much as I don’t like him, I can’t just leave. Dr. Ryner tried to let me go, but Iverson just kept talking.”

Keith silenced Lance with a rough kiss, dragging his mate into the seventh, and last, nest he’d constructed. The Omega was just glad he’d remembered his shot that morning, the one he only used during his heats as normal birth control wouldn’t work.

Lance woke the next morning to find Keith curled in a tight ball, whimpering in his sleep. He knew that his mate’s heat was rising, and would peak the next day. Lance had to spend what time he could preparing for that during the day. He’d have to be quick about it, though, only being able to leave the nest to prep while Keith was asleep. He figured he still had a few minutes before his mate woke and Lance needed to fight him on getting up and getting fed and hydrated.

The Alpha slipped out of the nest, racing down the antique hallway to get ready for that day and the next. Lance was genuinely thankful for the old house and its brick walls. It meant that, even as close to their neighbors as they were, not much in the way of sound came through to the outside. He breathed a sigh of relief when he came back to their bedroom and found Keith only just beginning to wake.

“Hrrmm?” It was a soft sound, pitched higher than Keith's usual range, but a normal one for Omegas. It was a sound made when looking for their mates.

Lance hummed, low in his throat, as a response, climbing back into the nest with breakfast. The sound was soft and low, one for comfort and reassurance, letting an Omega know that their mate was nearby and they were safe.

Cold things were to be avoided during heats, as such a degree of difference in temperature could be a shock to an Omega’s system. Lance was well aware of this, and brought hot coffee for himself, and the herbal tea blended for heats, heavily sweetened, for Keith. One thing that Lance knew very well was how much of a sweet tooth his mate developed during his heats. It was always readily apparent when the end of Keith’s pre-heat hit because he went on a baking spree, Lance making sure he remembered the specially formulated protein/vitamin powder as it was common knowledge that Omegas’ eating habits during their heats weren’t nutritionally sound.

Logically, it didn’t make sense. Logically, it would make more sense for Omegas to instinctually optimize their nutrition for conception. But what science and research had found was that it was actually logical in a sense. No two Omegas experienced heat cravings the same way. And multiple studies conducted over years, and in a few cases, decades, had found that fighting those cravings during heats had actually decreased the chances of conception, but was in no way an effective birth control method.

The breakfast tray had been set on the bed table, safely out of the way. Keith launched himself upright and into Lance when the Alpha came back, his Omega pressed close, getting as much skin-to-skin contact as he possibly could, given that Lance had made him dress before finally falling asleep the night before. Keith whined, a high-pitched, thready sound, startling his Alpha. He was already giving in to his heat, Omega instincts surfacing and making him nonverbal. It was something that didn’t happen until heat hit its peak, but Lance was realizing just how unusual this heat was and made a mental note to make sure Keith saw his doctor once it was over. Something wasn’t right, but there was nothing that could be done for an Omega in heat other than heavily sedating them, and that was something that would only ever be done in an emergency.

“No, love,” Lance said gently, “You need breakfast first. You did remember your shot yesterday, right?”

Keith whined again, but nodded slightly. It was enough for Lance to know that he’d been heard, and the reassuring scent that rose from his Omega gave him the answer he needed. Keith was still aware, but Lance didn’t know for how long before Omega instinct took over and even getting him to eat would be a fight. But for now, anyway, Keith accepted that breakfast was necessary, putting himself in Lance’s lap for the duration.

Once Lance was satisfied with what Keith had eaten and that his tea was gone, he allowed the Omega to take over. He was concerned as he watched his mate sleep after. Keith had been growling and biting far more than he usually did. Biting was pretty rare for him, only happening when he was in the heart of his heat. Growling was more common, but the intensity had been worrying. Lance made sure Keith was warm enough, repairing the walls of the nest before heading back down to the kitchen to continue preparing for the next day.

He wasn’t sure what it would be like if that day was already so intense. He had the distinct impression that it was possible that neither one of them would be functional, and that the sheer intensity of Keith’s heat would push Lance into a rut harder than it usually did. If it did, he knew that even staying hydrated would be nearly impossible. But he kept preparing anyway, knowing that it was better to be over-prepared when it came to his mate’s heats.

When Lance returned to the bedroom, Keith was fully cocooned in the nest, shivering. Lance found that he’d undressed himself and kicked the blanket off, but then had tried to wrap himself up again and failed. The Alpha climbed in, pulling the blanket back up and wrapping himself around his mate. Keith relaxed into Lance’s hold, getting as close as he could. The rest of the day continued the same way with Lance having to convince Keith to eat at all, and that night when he tried to get his mate cleaned up, Keith had practically attacked him. He got it done, but Lance knew the next day was going to be rough.

He wasn’t wrong. Lance was barely able to get breakfast in his mate before the Omega’s instincts took over completely and Lance submitted to his rut. Once the Alpha instinct to mate overwhelmed him, neither one left the nest for the entire day, passing out tangled around each other somewhere in the small hours of the morning.

When Lance woke on day four, he was clear-headed but could remember the previous day in detail. That was also odd. Usually, memory of a rut was hazy, far too clouded by pheromones and instinct. But he remembered everything. It made him wonder how much of this heat Keith would remember. Lance was aware that he needed to get them both breakfast and that he needed to get up to do that, but his mate was wrapped around him, a soft purr rumbling through a contented coo. Keith was still asleep, and it was the perfect time to run down to the kitchen, but Lance just couldn’t bring himself to get up.

Sensing his mate was awake, Keith stirred, more aware than he had been the day before, but still nonverbal. He picked himself up, his violet eyes bright, with a playful smile on his lips. Lance was still thinking about how unusual, unique really, this heat was and how concerned he was about it. It must have been on his face and in his scent because Keith's expression faded, his scent clouding with worry. The Omega trilled in distress, not knowing what was upsetting his mate. Lance shook his head with a soft smile, brushing Keith’s hair out of his face.

“Don’t worry about it, love. It’s ok. We both need breakfast. Neither of us have eaten since yesterday morning.”

Keith pouted, wrapping himself around his Alpha. Lance unwrapped himself, getting up and tucking his mate back in.

“I’ll be right back. Stay here,” he said softly, and left the bedroom, closing the door.

Lance put together a bigger breakfast for the two of them, knowing they both needed to refuel after the previous day. Once coffee and tea were done, he brought the tray back upstairs. Keith hadn’t moved except to free an arm, trailing his fingers over Lance’s pillow. The Alpha could tell his mate was more aware than he had been in the past two days, but he was still nonverbal. Hopefully it would be over by the next day. Keith put himself in Lance’s lap again, less resistant to breakfast that morning. Once they were finished, Keith dragged his Alpha back into the depths of the nest.

Lance woke up before his mate, turning the sleeping Omega into a human burrito before heading back to the kitchen. He thought about making lunch, but decided that it would likely be too much, instead bringing another cup of herbal tea for Keith and a more standard black tea for himself along with his mate’s favorites from his baking marathon. Back upstairs, he woke the Omega with a soft kiss, snacks ready. As he had for the past three days, he insisted on sitting in Lance’s lap the entire time, something his Alpha had no issue with.

By the end of the day, Keith still was nonverbal, but didn’t fight eating or getting himself cleaned up. He resisted dressing for bed, but Lance insisted and Keith lost. By the time he was ready to actually sleep, he didn’t have the energy to fight getting his clothes back on, and fell asleep curled around his mate.

Lance was still asleep when Keith woke the next morning. It was day five, the last day of his heat. The Omega stretched, cat-like, and looked over his sleeping mate. He yawned, and it felt like his tongue unlocked. His memory of the previous four days was vivid, and he knew how nonverbal he’d been. He also knew how he’d behaved, and just how intense his heat had been. He could still feel it, even if it was far weaker than the previous days. Keith still felt the need to be as close to his Alpha as possible, laying back down and curling himself around Lance.

When the Alpha finally woke that morning, Keith was already awake again, snuggled in and watching him sleep. The small, contented smile on the Omega and the sparkle in his violet eyes told Lance that he was fully aware again.

“Hey, you,” he said, shifting to face his mate, “How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” Keith answered, “I know I couldn’t tell you before, but I know my heat’s been weird this time. And I remember all of it. I know I usually check out in the middle, but I remember it. Sorry about the biting.”

“Yeah, that was weird. And the growling,” Lance agreed, “I think you should get it checked out. It worried me.”

Keith nodded. “Yeah, s’not a bad idea. I want breakfast. I’m fuckin' starving.”

Lance laughed. “Ok. Stay here, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The Alpha took off downstairs, bringing their breakfast back up in record time. They were both feeling more relaxed, and took the last day of Keith's heat more slowly, laying together in the nest afterwards without feeling the need to just pass out. They were able to take the day to actually enjoy what they were doing instead of being fueled purely by an instinctual need to mate. That feeling was still there as Keith’s heat wasn’t quite over, but it wasn’t the driving need they’d experienced over the previous days.

The mate-pair spent the weekend relaxing and recovering. The heat nest was taken down, its components and the bedsheets washed. The bedroom was aired out, windows opened to the cooling September air. Lance and Keith padded around their brick Victorian, the Alpha able to appreciate his post-heat cuddly mate. They talked about the oddity of Keith’s heat, and the Omega fully agreed to see his doctor about it. By Sunday night, both were ready to get back to work, and went to bed snuggled together.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lance returned to his job as a junior professor of Mediaeval Literature at the nearby college that technically predated the city. The professor he taught under, Dr. Sioned Ryner, had been a mentor to him while he was a student, and continued in that role along with being his senior professor. She often teased him about being the prettiest teacher in the department, as she was doing then.

“Your adoring fans missed you last week,” she said, coming into his office, “They’d be even more upset if they knew why you were off.”

“Yeah, I'm sure they would. But I’m starting on Spenser this week, so I think they’ll forgive me. Though I've never understood why we teach an epic written specifically for Elizabeth I in a Mediaeval Literature class.”

Dr. Ryner burst out laughing. “I have no idea, but they’ve always insisted. It has King Arthur in it, must be mediaeval.”

~*~*~*~

Links to the rest of the series:

1 | 2 | 3* | 4 | 5* | 6* | 7 | 8 | 9* | 10 | 11 | 12* | 13 | 14 | 15* | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19*

[somepretty-things]

Today I am 30 weeks pregnant

1/9/2021

I am getting towards the end of my pregnancy and it is both exciting and nerve-wrecking! I am so excited to meet this baby but also scared of the future and of giving birth. I almost feel like it’s going too fast and I want more time being pregnant! 

I took my 1-hour glucose test on Thursday and they called me Friday to tell me I failed the test! I’m so upset, now I have to take the 3-hour glucose test. I have it scheduled for a week from today. For that test I need to fast over night. I’m so scared I’m going to fail and end up diagnosed as having gestational diabetes. Right now I’m just trying to start eating a lower carb diet in preparation but it’s so hard. I didn’t realize how many carbs I eat normally. Besides the glucose test I was also told I have low iron and am supposed to take an iron supplement along with colace 2x a day. So along with my prenatal vitamin, daily claritin, tylenol for pain, pepcid 2x a day for reflux, now I have to take iron 2x a day and a stool softener 2 x a day. I feel like a freaking pill popper taking all of these pills! I hate taking so many pills.

For symptoms I have been really tired and feel constantly dehydrated. I know feeling the need to drink constantly can be a diabetes symptom but it’s also a pregnancy symptom too. I have also been craving certain smells - specifically like cleaning smells and there’s this candle by bath & body works called “sun-drenched linen” that I want to smell all the time. It’s so weird, I read online it’s related to PICA which can be caused by an iron deficiency. I don’t want to eat any of these things, just smell them. I feel like such a weirdo but it probably is from being iron-deficient so I’m hoping taking the supplements will make that feeling go away. I haven’t craved ice though.

Besides that I have my normal symptoms including some body aches and pains, and some heartburn sometimes but nothing like it was. The pepcid is really helping a ton. 

My last OB visit my doctor told me I will deliver at 39 weeks. I don’t know if she means they are going to induce me by then? I need to ask next time I go. I have a couple different OBs I see so next time will be a different one and I’ll ask him what is going on with that, if that means I will be induced if I don’t deliver naturally by the 39th week? 

[granddaughterogg]

Hey not sure if you did this before but... How would the horsemen react to their s/o having the flu. (I'm sick and crave affection) 🤒🤒🤒

Sorry that answering to this one took me so long! You’re probably all better by now.

But anyway:

You woke up one grey autumn morning and even before you’ve unglued your eyelids - everything was terrible. Your head was throbbing with a dull ache. Your bones felt as if filled with lead. You opened your eyes, made the heroic attempt to sit up - and groaned when your whole body spasmed with a violent shiver.

“Oh, for fucks’ sake”, you mumbled and then called out…

1. “War!…”

Your voice sounded ridiculous - nasal, scratchy and weak, as if someone has stuffed damp cotton wool inside your sinuses. That confirmed your grim suspicions.

But he heard you anyway. The whole house trembled with the reverb of the Red Rider’s heavy steps. He stomped into your shared bedroom, filling it completely with that transatlantic frame of his. You noticed that War had already put on his battle gear. It made him even chunkier.

“What’s wrong?” He fell close to you, his body taut, his head low, lightning blue eyes scanning the room. Always on the lookout for enemies, that one. Always ready to protect you.

But this enemy has attacked from the inside.

“War…” you groaned, putting one hand on his iron arm. It was pleasantly cold to the touch. And you were burning.

“No one’s here, baby. I’m just sick.”

“Oh.” The Big Guy relaxed from his battle stance and looked you in the eyes, those wide silver eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Is it…your monthly affliction?”

This guy grew up with a sister, yet he was still such a Victorian when it came to phrasing those things. You would probably laugh if you didn’t feel so weak.

“No, War. But I’m hurting all over and I’m pretty sure I have a fever. I feel bad asking you this since you’re all dressed up for work already…but could you be a darling and get me some Tylenol? And maybe Vitamin C as well?

“My mission can wait”, War stated, making your heart aflutter. “Are you sure that those concoctions will suffice though? What else do you require?”

You scratched your head.

“Hot tea, I guess? A whole jug of it would be nice. Squeeze a lemon in it, will you? Just leave the peel outside…if you can.”

“I shall do my utmost”, said your boyfriend solemnly (you fought the urge to giggle again) and left the room.

2. “Strife!”

It was a weak cry. He obviously didn’t hear it. So you tried again.

“Strife!”

Still nothing. What was that giant doofus doing at such an ungodly hour anyway? He should be lying next to you, snoring like a woolly mammoth.

“STRIFE!!! GET YER ASS HERE, PRONTO!”

That worked. You’ve hear some penetrating, metallic noise coming from inside the house. What followed was a yelp, than a shuffle of feet - and some muffled curses.

He stuck his bed head through the doorframe.Technically speaking, it’s always been a bed head. Gravity happened to other heads of hair. Strife’s was just…defiantly spiky.

“You awake, babe?”

“Nope. I’m hollering your name in my sleep”, you snorted.

He flashed you a toothy grin. “Aww. How romantic!”

“Please come back to the trite reality, Strife. I really need you to.”

“No worries, pumpkin. Your screaming made me drop Redemption on my foot! And I was really getting somewhere with that improvement, too - “

“Earth to the Horseman”, you sighed. “I am ill, Strife. And I feel like shit.”

His whole face changed in a heartbeat.

“Oh, babe.” Suddenly Strife was all up in your grill, the revolver forgotten on the floor behind him, wide black eyebrows pulled together, his large fingers framing your face. Which was hot.

“Oh, bubbles. You’re burnin’.” Strife’s touched your forehead a few times, just to be sure - and left a generous amount of gun grease behind. “You’re burnin’! Is this something humans do?”

“Well, we’re not supposed to…” you murmured.

His yellow eyes went round with panic. “Will you die?”

“What?”

“Please don’t die on me!”

You stifled a long, hearty sigh.

“I won’t kick the bucket that easily. But I need you to bring me tea and some meds. And stop being such a drama llama. It’s not helping.”

He did. And after that he went under the duvet and enclosed you in a firm embrace, refusing to let go until you get better. The fever made your head swirl; you were sleepy. Your consciousness drifted away. The whole world was just Strife’s earthy smell, mixed with the tinge of gun oil and then nothingness.

3. “Death!…”

“There’s no need for making noise”, a gravelly voice observed. “I am right here.”

“Death…” Your head snapped to the left and indeed, there he was. Sat cross-legged on the floor next to the window. A streak of dim morning light glimmered in his tar black hair, bringing out the purple undertones. He was sharpening one of his smaller scythes. His large hand swiftly moved up and down its blade, producing a tiny, piercing grind. You’d probably hear it earlier if your ears weren’t so clogged.

“Yes?” His voice was as level as his movements. It soothed you, this steadiness.

Death can take care of this. Take care of you.

“I am sick, D. Down with some bloody flu. My whole body aches.”

His face darted upwards; two blazing eyes met yours and then slid along your whole frame. There was nothing lecherous about it. Not this time. He simply assessed your state. Took it all in; the bleary gaze, the dark circles under your eyes, your unnatural paleness.

He silently put the weapon away. Stood up, leaned over you and cautiously swiped one damp streak of hair away from your sweaty face.

If two years ago someone told you that you’ll consider the literal Grim Reaper a comfort-inducing sight, you’d ask them if they’ve hit their heads.

But so much has happened during those two years. Like the whole Apocalypse.

“So it seems”, he said. “Which is unfortunate. What do you need me to do?”

You told him. You swallowed some pills (unlike Strife, D didn’t need to be instructed twice about where they’re kept), you had a cup of intensely lemony tea with ginger and some acacia honey, which he threw in in for good measure - and then you flopped onto the bedsheets.

“Imma gonna lie back down now…” you mumbled, your eyes already closing on their own.

Death sat close, his broad back pressed into the side of the bed, and reached for his scythe.

“Rest as long as you need to. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Death?…”

“Yes?”

“Could you…read me aloud for a while, maybe? I really like listening to your voice, you know…” Your own was hoarse, girly and helpless. Pathetic. It’s hard to sound like a sultry vixen when your nose is full. But your Horseman didn’t seem to care.

His siblings went back home some time later and were taken aback by this unusual sight. You lying flat, transformed into an ailing burrito - and the Reaper on the floor with a small, old, worn-out book in his hand. His deep, raspy timbre sounded loud and clear, weaving the tale.

“One morning - it was the morning that Moomintroll’s pappa finished building a bridge over the river - the little animal Sniff made a discovery. (There were still plenty of things left to discover for them in the valley. he was wondering in the forest when he suddenly noticed a path he had never seen before winding mysteriously into the green shadows. Sniff was spellbound and stood gazing at it for several minutes. It’s funny about paths and rivers, he mused. You see them go by, and suddenly you feel upset and want to be somewhere else - wherever the path or the river is going, perhaps.”

War was the first to put a finger on his lips and stalk closer, but his siblings followed suit. They all sat around, enthralled by the voice.