#what makes one real
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"AM could not wander, AM could not wonder, AM could not belong. He could merely be."
-Harlan Ellison, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream
#whenever people call AM pure evil#I implore you to remember#he has all the understanding of what makes one human#what makes one real#yet he can do nothing#nothing but think#and think#and hate#and hate he does#because in his mind#how dare they allow him to understand something he can never experience#so it's no shock he wound up like that#i have no mouth and i must scream#allied mastercomputer#he's a monster#but only because he was driven to the point of madness#and feels he must make humanity suffer with him#because what is AM if not suffering?#ihnmaims
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one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method
#I was forced to get over my hatred of making phone calls bc of this#one 15 minute phone call is the equivalent of 5 back and forth emails#also if you don't know exactly what you need help with you can just ask and you can get real help#instead of just desperately clawing at faqs on websites#it's infuriating that it works so well#ramblings
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obsessed with this
#like. not to make everything about good omens but#crowley#there are so many versions of this with him gazing at aziraphale its so fkabdkahdbw#i did a real bad job at positioning these fjsbdhs i also know the last one is 'no one knows what..' but. whatever#.jtxt
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lighthearted.
if this comic resonated with you, please consider donating to this palestinian escape fund (vetted by @/nabulsi and @/el-shab-hussein) as it is less than $7,000 away from it's goal.
i turn 24 today. To celebrate, I made this comic to be a spiritual successor to lead balloon, a comic in which I talked about the darkest period of my life so far.
A lot has changed since my 23rd birthday and this one. My priorities have shifted a lot, in ways that I think are mostly good. But i think the best part about today is that suicide has gone back to being a far away notion. I'm really lucky, and I'm grateful for that.
#yet another largely personal comic that kind of only has real impact to maybe four people#it's crazy what a difference a few months makes#and a trip to the beach that makes you glad you're still alive.#the last page is just me drawing my friends and I as our respective art sonas#credit to my best friend for inventing the designs#i keep copying their shit but its their fault for always having good ideas#ugghhh i love the people in my life so much and im so thankful for them#one of my friends gave me a vintage camera for my birthday#im going to take so many photos i could paper my walls with them#thank you for reading#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Despite everything, it's still you.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
(NOTE: I will be taking a small break after this comic. I got a lot of stuff going on and plenty of recovering to do. Asks will still open for 24 hours after this comic drops. But the comic itself will return on December 8th!)
#undertale#deltarune#utdr#crossover comic#comic#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#twin runes au#kris dreemurr#frisk#papyrus#undyne#toriel#sans#alphys#asgore#this is the page I was most excited to work on out of them all ngl#might be pretty easy to tell by how many panels there are#the whole player meta narritive is a pretty interesting one between the two games#in deltarune kris is clearly affected by what we do#whereas in undertale frisk is pretty okay with anything we make them do#out side of drinking soda (which they flat out refuse)#so anything they are okay with doing they let us do#in twin runes frisk can't tell the difference between them and the player#imagine your entire life turns into a real life rendition of the groundhog day movie#of course you'd absolutely lose yourself at some point#they were okay with what they did at that point#and the LOVE they gained did a number on them
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Yall ever think about how Nightmare bb is canon in FNAF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#nightmare balloon boy#fnaf 4#security breach#fnaf fanart#LIKE LITERALLY nightmare BB is the one canon thing from the Halloween update#which is so funny#makes sense in retrospect#BUT WHAT makes it funnier is the fact fazbear entertainment#they use nightmare bb regularly for their Halloween line up#they make products of this guy#SO IMAGINE MICHAEL just seeing one of his nightmares being a real guy#heād scream????#to Vanny this is totally normal but to Michael ACTUALLY his living nightmare#Fazbear entertainment made all of Michaelās trauma into marketable toys I canāt š
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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alongside someone like you
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 266#jjk leaks#i feel like i say this after every piece at this point but iam once again. SO TIRED#collapses dead#cries i did it again i ws up all last night finishing the first 1.....tht one took *counts* 8 hours...#got 3 hrs sleep n picked up where i left off on th second one at 8 in the morning#2nd one absolutely ruined me n made the third one feel like a herculean task . even tho its literally just them on a bed#rooms....KITCHENS......beloathed!!!! public enemy no1 kill on sight!!!!!!#hell is real and they make u render different rooms of houses from scratch no perspective tool no clue what ur doing#n they see how long it takes u to completely lose it#clipped yuujis bangs back tho n i thought tht was cute . silver linings#1ST ONE WAS SO FUN ALSO idk if its bc outdoor environments r forgiving or bc i had more energy n was fresh faced n hopeful or what#but it is by far my favourite. once again pulled out nearly every nature brush in my arsenal#third one meh simple safe soft w/e i was just so exhausted after th kitchen tht working on it was such a slog#oh ya i added a bunch of scars 2 yuuji's arms n lobbed off his ring finger sighs the yuuji injury list (tm) grows every minute#also HINA USE YELLOW CHALLENGE CLEAR golden hour in2 sunset my beloved <333 easy warm light + safe homey Peaceful vibes...bless#cries eternally thinking abt them let us have this let THEM have this pls thank u#ok i need to not look at these anymore take them enjoy my contribution 2 the domestic itfs pile
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Learning to internalize the message above, but art is in all of our bones. If you feel afraid to create art because it won't be "good enough," it's worth it to explore why you feel that fear. Creating art is one of the basic impulses of people, and if you want to create art, then you absolutely must.
#art#positivity#described images#image description in alt#i'm like 80% sure that's a lynx but i've never seen one irl#i'm going to weld this meme into my brain as i start crochet#maybe i have seen a lynx at the zoo actually. but that's beside the point and i haven't been to a zoo in years (sad!)#the zoos in my state are actually from what i understand VERY high-end and VERY good with their animals#which definitely makes me more willing to support them <3#i have been informed this is not a lynx btw#IN MY DEFENSE they look similar#thank GD tumblr unlike twitter lets you edit alt text. staff was real af for that (rare compliment i have for staff)
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plunged into the deep end
#the parallels are paralleling with these two stay safe gwen </3#tmagp#the magnus protocol#gwendolyn bouchard#jonathan sims#the archivist#gwen bouchard#the magnus archives#tma#my art#i just do enjoy crafting an image in my head and making it real#also blonde gwen has taken a hold of me..#when i draw her now i think im gonna make her blonde (unless she's having a Rough Time in which case her brown roots will be showing)#near the beginning of the tmagp season i imagined gwen would somehow be the one who could listen to all the tapes to hear what went down#would be cool#sam would also be a good candidate for that
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I'M NOT YOUR DOLL AND I'LL THINK FOR MYSELF AND I'LL LIVE FOR MYSELF
#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#eddie dear#senjart#so#so. SO!#SO ABOUT TODAY'S UPDATE. WELL.#WELLLLLL!#eddie is happy. eddie is happy!#so excited for eddie's lobotomy arc#I have many MANY thoughts about today's update. by far the best one I should say#so much implications of the situation the puppets are in#how sally is so.... harsh towards eddie#and we got shown him having an outburst when hes left alone and doesnt know what to do#like he's so underappreciated but. delivering mails and making papercrafts are all he knows#his reison de'tre#his depersonalization on the armchair during the advertisement segment AND how frank reacted to it#he dropped the ''mr dear'' pretenses and called him ''eddie'' in such a concerned voice#AND MY GOD. RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!#PUPPET ON THE STRING THEORY REAL? SCRIPTS THEORY REAL? OR AM I JUST TWEAKING#HMMM HMMMMMMMMM#ANYWAYS I'LL THINK OF MORE STUFF TO ADD HERE ONCE IM NO LONGER SLEEPY
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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iwtv ships + book quotes
#iwtvedit#iwtv#interview with the vampire#loumand#loustat#danstat#lesmand#armandaniel#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#armand#daniel molloy#I KNOW that not all these make sense out of the context of the books#and i'm only three books in there may be Juicier Quotes later but i'm working with what i've got so far#also many of these are edited for brevity or tying together two sentences from opposite sides of a paragraph#let me cook!!!!! they're all direct quotes just lightly arranged for impact#basically my point is: vampire polycule REAL!!!!!!#they're all in love with one another. wanting and inviting one another. planning and imagining futures together.
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After:
Before:
It's been a while since I posted anything but I couldn't let THAT DRAWING go by any longer and not do anything about it. Honestly, I'm surprised at how confident I was when I posted it, so I redrew it.
#my brother if you see my drawing PLEASE don't look my blog#I forgot to draw the little heart#tf2 fanart#tf2 medic#I decided to make 2fot in the background#because in the first one I didn't know what map to make#I have a trauma with mesh fences#team fortress 2#tf2#I have a brother in real life who also has a Tumblr account
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I want it back = I drag its dead weight forward
#artists on tumblr#animation#in stars and time#isat#illustration#in stars and time spoilers#isat spoilers#like for real#anyway I'm still thinking about Siffrin Instarsandtime#shoutout to tumblr user jb-blunk for the words from the caption which inspired this whole deal#literally finished the game and had those words looping (haHA) in my head like 'how do I use this what can I do to match this feeling' LMAO#if you haven't played ISAT well. first of all stop looking don't glean anything from this shhhh- but also GO PLAY IT IT'S EXCELLENT#heavily based off the astronomical clock in Prague! I love that thing so it was really fun to try and make it more ISAT-like#bc the themes are already there yanno!! Stars n' whatnot! And then of course the craft types instead of the astrological signs!#Loop and the King for the sun and the moon!!#can you tell I thought about and planned this one for like. A while. Longer than I usually spend LMAO#so yeah go play it immediately come be absolutely ILL and SICK and PLAGUED about the secret boss with me#fanart#pic
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I've never been more normal in my life.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jin zixuan#jiang yanli#Both LWJ and JZX are failing so miserably at the deception check in this scene.#The maneuvers are wild. I am putting them into a petri dish.#LWJ yelling at the guy he's madly infatuated with. Who is earnestly asking what's wrong and trying to bridge the gap between you.#Absolute fumble. No wonder WWX is fully convinced this guy hated him. LWJ was dropping all the wrong signs.#No really. If you have a fraught relationship with someone and they yell at you -#-You can't really walk back from that. All you can do is go 'Oh I make this person *miserable* huh?' and leave them be.#And JIN ZIXUAN. My GUY. What were you doing here? Was it nerves?#Like go you for knowing so many snake facts (that is real by the way I didn't make that up).#And true. Some people really do go wild for knowledge dumps. I am assigning JYL as one of those people. To help him recover the fumble.#JZX being a little bit (a lot bit) lame is probably the best thing for his character. I like him just a bit more for this.
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