#what loneliness will do to you when you're immortal...
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ncarnesir · 4 months ago
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A Story of her Own
This is the story of a Sun Summoner that is much much older than the Darkling and is looking for her own haven if one might say. Can Aleksander be that for her? Is it even what she's looking for? Well you'll have to read the story to know ;)
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Art on the moodboard is from Abel Klaer
Back in 2021, after watching Shadow and Bone for the first time, I somehow got inspired and started writing. And the result was this, my very first fanfic, A Story of her Own.
To be honest, there are a lot of cringe parts specially in the beginning and you can tell I'm newbie writer, but I'm still super proud of it. What I'm less proud of is that it's still not finished, but I've been working a lot on it recently so maybe I'm finally going to complete this.
I am taking a looooot of liberties in this, regarding canon, the magic system, the history of the world. But I do think it's at least coherent. Also there's a lot of smut because... I like that.
Chapters: 41/~70
Fandom: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Zoya Nazyalensky, Mal Oretsev/Alina Starkov, Zoya Nazyalensky/Mal Oretsev
Characters: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Baghra (The Grisha Trilogy), Genya Safin, Zoya Nazyalensky, Ivan (The Grisha Trilogy), Fedyor Kaminsky, Nikolai Lantsov, Nina Zenik
Additional Tags: Darklina - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Endgame The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Mutual Pining, Simp The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, BAMF Alina Starkov, Morally Grey Alina Starkov, Sankta Alina Starkov, Older Alina, Older Woman/Younger Man, Who's scheming really ?, Morally Ambiguous Character, different POV, Minor Character Death, mild graphic depiction of violence, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempts, annoying pet names, Mention of triggering subjects coming in the future, Potentially more graphic depiction of violence coming in the future, Unlucky Zoya, Sun Soldier Malyen, BFF Genya, We hate Baghra, Scheming Nikolai, Apparat is not a bad guy, Several Explicit Sex Scene, Dubious Consent, Light Dom/sub, Oral Sex, Dream Sex, Manipulative sex, Rough Sex, Minor sex scene between The Darkling / Zoya (before Alina), Minor oral sex scene between Malyen / Alina, Personal interpretation of how amplifiers work, Personal interpretation of different grishaverse myths, Mainly based on the show, And the Wiki, English is not my 1st language, English is not my beta’s 1st language either, This thing is a full story (with plenty of smut for fun), Rated non-con because, Dream sex she doesn't know is not really a dream, Kissing while the other is not aware, NO rape
Summary:
Everyone always supposed the Sun Summoner would appear one day, the Darkling first, but somehow, they never imagined that maybe she was already there, among them.
Or how Alina is much older than she looks like and is playing a game of her own.
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mononijikayu · 4 months ago
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immortal sukuna who — in your first life (2).
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immortal sukuna masterlist
the first time immortal sukuna discovered snow was when he was a young boy holding at his mother's skirts.
immortal sukuna did not know what he was looking at, but all he could see from the vast expanse was a blanket of white on mountain's edges.
it was all too cold for immortal sukuna's body, to the point where he could no longer feel his lips, nor the movement of his eyes.
immortal sukuna could not remember why his mother had brought him in the cold mountain in the first place, but all he remembers is her desperate eyes.
from then on, immortal sukuna's experience with winter was that of cold loneliness and bleak memories from that bleak mid-winter.
his first winter with you was a different experience for immortal sukuna, one that he'd never lived before.
you lived in the deep forests, but snow continued to fall as heavily as it did in that mountain. yet it was warmest immortal sukuna had ever been.
you smiled at him as you told immortal sukuna to sit down, enjoy the stew you had cooked while you added firewood into the bonfire.
he'd never really had this sort of comfort before, that immortal sukuna had thought a lot.
for he had lived alone most of his life, at least what immortal sukuna remembers.
all those winters have been triumph by this one, as simple and small as it was to most. but it was everything, it was the world to immortal sukuna.
immortal sukuna likes to think that it was because of you. it was because of this humble stew in his arms, the smile on your lips as you breathed upon the fire to life.
you walk towards him, with a smile on your face. "come on, sukuna. eat. you need to keep warm, hm?"
immortal sukuna did not know what to say. for all your warmth was enough to keep the cold at bay on its own.
immortal sukuna gives you a small nod, which makes your smile go wider for him, reaching your beautiful eyes.
immortal sukuna thinks that your smile reminded him of a crescent moon, guiding the world with your tender light.
"sukuna, do you know what the color of snow was?" you asked him with a tender look.
immortal sukuna shook his head at you. what an odd question. but it was also a good one. what was the color of snow? was there even one?
"no one knows." you tell him in response, laughing. "because it's forgotten what color it was. well, at least that's what my mother said."
immortal sukuna thinks he could replay the sound of your laughter for the rest of his life. because it was so beautiful, so pure.
you were the purest thing immortal sukuna had ever known in life, almost as pure as the driven snow.
"if you're done eating, let's go outside." you whispered to sukuna, grinning from ear to ear. "let's go play!"
immortal sukuna blinks at you as you rummaged through your belongings and came towards him, wrapping a red woolen scarf on him.
"keep warm today, okay?" you say to him as you finished wrapping it up safely on sukuna's neck. "i don't want you getting sick."
immortal sukuna does not know what the color of snow was, perhaps no one will ever know in this life.
but as immortal sukuna saw you running around in your fur boots, enjoying the enchanted snow, he thinks that this is it.
this is the color of snow. you. you were the color of snow to immortal sukuna.
for the rest of his immortal life, immortal sukuna thinks nothing comes close to this coloring his life.
the color of snow may have been forgotten and never be known again. but to immortal sukuna, that was fine.
because as long as he remembers you, immortal sukuna will remember what snow truly looks like, what it feels like.
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sugar-grigri · 4 months ago
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Pochita, if you can read, why don't you speak ?
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Wouldn't it be humane to protect humanity and demonic to protect the underworld? And what if... it was actually the other way around.
The interweaving of questions and answers is exactly what this chapter does.
While Yoru sordidly states that children are nothing more than the property of their parents, the one who can't speak, instead of devouring a human as he did with all those demons, decides to go to the blood drive.
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Pochita understood what the sign meant. He knows how to talk. But he'd rather hold up that sign and roar than make any demands.
Worse still, he does not decide to give any orders.
It's not words that symbolise order, it's that raised index finger that already in Roman times expressed command.
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In the United States, arms are a constitutional right (as recently reiterated by the Supreme Court, which does not admit of any restrictions), a fundamental freedom but also a means of preserving one's freedom, allowing organised militias to fight and protect the State.
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You can see how it's all a construction, the weapons are a technological creation, the State is an administrative and political creation.
And that's where things get interesting. First of all, this chapter is highly symbolic and has a very strong political message (oh my god, political interpretation in a manga, impossible..........)
Yoru has sliced off the index fingers of those who support the right to bear arms in the United States. Or campaign for that freedom. But what Yoru is doing. In fact, it's taking it away from them. How can I shoot without this index finger? You can't do it.
It's by taking weapons away from men that they actually regain their freedom.
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But it goes even further than that. Why does Yoru sacrifice these fingers? Because it reinforces the fear of weapons. Let's say I point a gun at you (sorry). You'd be less scared if you were as armed as I am. Especially when you're trained, know how to defend yourself and aren't afraid to shoot.
Yoru makes those who thought they were invincible with weapons vulnerable. She strengthens the Gun Devil's power. She contracts with them through her sacrificed child.
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Weapons,
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freedom,
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deprivation of childhood,
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of loved ones,
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obsession with a mentor,
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To think that a god created them.
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Remind you of anyone?
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Infanticide is what makes you immortal.
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The sacrificed demons become weapons, lost between humanity and the demons. Not being human, nor demon, because they have no parents. Even artificial weapons like Reze and Katana display these characteristics. Isn't loneliness one of the ingredients?
Humanity sacrifices its children. As Fujimoto confirmed, they were prepared to do it for eternal youth.
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And now you're going to say to me. NOOOO! Yoru too! Just as Makima wouldn't hesitate to do. The demons are also ready to do it.
Yes, because they are influenced by men.
Yoru speaks, uniting with humanity to say horrible things. Whereas Pochita doesn't speak. Worse still, he has chosen not to speak. Worst of the worst, even worse. He'd rather be a dog than a human. That's his choice.
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Pochita fights for those he loves, he doesn't sacrifice them.
The demon of birth, it swallows but can spit out. Suspending existence, giving it new life, denying none of it.
Wasn't Makima devoured by Denji proof of this?
Nayuta is the symbol of this rebirth. A perpetual love that surpasses hate.
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Pochita loves demons. He also loves those who mean something to him, like Denji. But he also knows that when we become too human, we can end up sacrificing ourselves out of vanity rather than love.
Pochita has sacrificed himself for love, without expecting anything in return as he waits permanently for Denji's dreams.
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He is also Denji's lock, preventing him from fully adapting to men.
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That's why killing Black CSM was Denji's wish come true. Because Pochita is preventing Denji from becoming normal.
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Because he wants to protect him from humanity. Pochita has never been for humanity.
He is simply the guardian of the underworld, all those demons whose existence he guards, a supreme mother. Humanity must endure in order to continue to be afraid. But if humanity is prepared to overcome the ultimate fear of losing its child, then fear is scorned.
So Pochita tried to wipe out the weapons' existence, to devour them. But they still existed. Why? Because they are already the result of infanticide.
being devoured by the demon of birth, mother of the underworld, actually reinforces their existence.
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Being devoured by their mother is the reason for their nature.
Whereas weapons are beings born because their mother has killed them.
Denji is the result of the death of the Supreme Mother.
It's not a weapon.
He's a wall.
Hero of the underworld.
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A hero of the underworld who has been fighting from the start for the victory of love, sacrificing himself for those he loves and not sacrificing them. So he asks for blood.
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And I'm sorry. If weapons really are born like that, they have to look human, and I think this is the last possessed human.
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Someone's been ringing the doorbell.....for 100 chapters… it's time to answer it, isn't it?
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theskee · 18 days ago
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thinking a lot about Them this morning and i already went on a mini ramble on bluesky but i gotta just dump more detailed brainrot here because this is where most of my fellow emmcanis lovers are but like
there's a dialogue that comes up between emmrich and lucanis if treviso isn't saved. and emmrich is concerned about lucanis, his emotional state, and what it might do to him and spite. and lucanis kinda snips at him about whether or not he actually cares or if it's weird professional curiosity. because lucanis is so damn raw. it reminds me of how he snaps at rook when rook suggests lucanis talk to emmirch and says "he looks at me like a thesis topic" and there is some level of truth to emmrich being curious about what's happened.
but the thing that comes through the strongest, every time it comes up, is that emmrich thinks what's happened to lucanis and spite is unfair and horribly cruel, but that there's hope for them. that they can find harmony and survive.
so in this dialogue, where lucanis is short and defensive, emmrich's response is simply a promise. that he'll be there, to look out for lucanis and spite, no matter what. emmrich has seen some shit in his time as a watcher, and he hates suffering. he knows loss. i think there's such a depth of empathy and understanding that he has for lucanis, who is coping with the loss of everything important to him, so suddenly and senselessly, and emmrich knows intimately how difficult that is, especially when you're trying to get a handle on unexpected changes to who you are as a person that are outside of your control. emmrich began to talk to spirits after his parents died. while going through so many life changes, along with the manifestation of his magic, he began to talk to the dead, something we know he didn't master until he was an adult.
how jarring must it have been, to have lost his family, and for distant relatives to have rejected the responsibility of taking him in, to suddenly have magic and have the dead talking to you? i think in a lot of ways, emmrich feels especially strongly for lucanis and his situation because he can see parallels between them.
and emmrich is patient. he never takes it personally when lucanis rebuffs his support. he's calm. he lets lucanis reject it. and eventually, we know lucanis softens up and lets emmrich help him.
lucanis goes to emmrich for help keeping himself and spite contained, and emmrich sets wards for him. more than once. when lucanis is alone in the dining hall, he questions why emmrich is still hanging around, and emmrich simply expresses that he thought lucanis might want the company. emmrich understands loneliness. keenly. he knows it well.
and lucanis goes to emmrich. timid, exhausted, and asks if emmrich has time to talk, because spite won't leave him be. and emmrich is so gentle and welcoming, insisting he will always have time if lucanis needs to talk. emmrich will stop what he's doing to create a safe place for lucanis to express himself and open up about how hard it is. and emmrich is kind. he's there. he's steady and he understands more about the nature of what lucanis is going through than most. he has the most hopeful perspective of it possible, from the very start, that despite the tragedy of the way it began, that lucanis and spite will survive together, because of each other.
he encourages lucanis to bond with spite and read to him.
and then... on the other side of it. lucanis is direct with emmrich in a way emmrich needs. when it comes to the topic of lichdom and immortality, lucanis confronts emmrich with something that i think emmrich needs to hear. that undead forever is still dead. and he asks why emmrich would want to outlive everything he's ever loved. just as emmrich has so much acceptance for Spite, this thing that Lucanis is afraid of and wrestling with, lucanis has acceptance for death. all things end, is what lucanis says. and that's okay.
when i look at these interactions, and add them to all the little things, like Spite growing attached to Manfred or Manfred breaking into Lucanis room-- the debates and the references to their companionable time drinking fine wine together, out of glasses Lucanis bought for Emmrich, and all their little cultural back and forths and i just. in the final run up to elgar'nan, emmrich tries to thank lucanis for the wine glasses. he's trying to get his affairs in order. and lucanis tells him no. don't do that. no squaring up. it's bad luck. and it just screams of subtext, of reassurance that we're not dying here today. when death seems so fucking certain and emmrich is so afraid of it. my heart for these two.
i know it's might not be as fun or full of friction as the enemies to lovers vibes one gets from say, davrin & lucanis (which omg what's not to love) but the slow burn of rejection to acceptance to closeness-- the inherent intimacy of sharing space with another person who understands your fear. and doesn't let you linger in it alone... i just. am so so so in deep with this pairing.
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dootznbootz · 2 months ago
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LOVED the Vengeance saga, hated Calypso's song I'm sorry
**is being creepy and obsessive over a man who's clearly in distress and doesn't like her, as well as she ACTIVELY keeps him on her island for SEVEN YEARS against his will** "W-Well my love is just too much for you"
I get she didn't rape him in EPIC, but she was still terrible towards him and washing down to "her love was just too much for him" is a bit iffy to me :((
Honestly? I think "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" is actually fantastic in showing HOW Manipulative and selfish she is.
She's doing a "Woe is me" with her loneliness, she is still somewhat putting the "blame" on Odysseus with her "My love being too much for you, sorry that you can't handle it", when it's straight up not taking no for an answer, she even constantly speaks over Odysseus. Yeah, she's "not sorry".
Even with her beautiful voice, (wonderful job Barbara Wangui!) and sweet melody, it's like she IS supposed to be this "perfect paradise, song, goddess, etc."
What really bothers me is Epic Odysseus' "I love you...Just not in the way you want me to".
I think there either needs to be more apprehension in his voice when he says that. Maybe even in Calypso's tangent, he realizes "oh shit, she's making the island do shit. oh think quick to calm her down." and then having to say "Not in the way you want me to." to still make it clear that he's leaving.
I hope we get an explanation from Jay for his wording here? Because while Odysseus did appreciate Calypso helping him heal and recover from being at sea without food and water for a while AND most likely injuries in general, like...He Never loved her.
In some ways, I almost wish we got a bit more of the Odyssey for his answer. As Calypso, basically mocks Penelope and "why do you wanna go back to her? She will age and I won't. this place is perfect. I am perfect."
And then Odysseus being like "...You're an immortal goddess, ofc, she can't compare to you. She will age and go old. But I will stop at nothing to get back home. I've already been through so much shit, if it means going home, I can go through more."
[...] But if you only knew, down deep, what pains you’d stay right here, preside in our house with me and be immortal. Much as you long to see your wife, the one you pine for all your days … and yet I just might claim to be nothing less than she, neither in face nor figure. Hardly right, is it, for mortal woman to rival immortal goddess? How, in build? in beauty?” “Ah great goddess,” worldly Odysseus answered, “don’t be angry with me, please. All that you say is true, how well I know. Look at my wise Penelope. She falls far short of you, your beauty, stature. She is mortal after all and you, you never age or die … Nevertheless I long—I pine, all my days— to travel home and see the dawn of my return. And if a god will wreck me yet again on the wine-dark sea, I can bear that too, with a spirit tempered to endure. Much have I suffered, labored long and hard by now in the waves and wars. Add this to the total— bring the trial on!”
(Book 5, Fagles)
Puttng in Fitzgerald's too because I wike it :3
"[...] If you could see it all, before you go -All the adversity you face at sea- you would stay here, and guard this house, and be immortal- though you've wanted her forever, that bride for whom you pine each day. Can I be less desirable than she is? Less interesting? Less beautiful? Can mortals compare with goddesses in grace and form?" To this the strategist Odysseus answered: "My lady goddess, here is no cause for anger. My quiet Penelope-- how well I know--would seem a shade before your majesty, death and old age being unknown to you, while she must die. Yet, it is true, each day I long for home, long for the sight of my home. If any god has marked me out again for shipwreck, my tough heart can undergo it. What hardship have I not long since endured at sea, in battle! Let the trial come."
Even his usage of just simply defending Penelope by saying "My Wise Penelope" and how he's still saying "Yep! You are a goddess! Penelope is mortal... I'm still going home!"
This is something I find interesting with Epic Odysseus on Ogygia: After he speaks of Penelope the first few times in "Love in Paradise". He doesn't really talk about her on Ogygia again. Even at the ending of "Love in Paradise", when he's about to "close his eyes", he doesn't speak of Penelope or anything. Which is like, his one driving force for living at this point, in the Odyssey and the Musical. He's just wracked by grief, when it's mostly the fact that he's fucking TRAPPED and can't leave to go HOME.
It makes me wonder if for Epic Odysseus, he is trying to not mention Penelope as much to keep Calypso's anger at bay. Especially when you think of how in the source material, Calypso mocks Penelope and he has to carefully word things to not anger her as a goddess yet still make it clear that he will leave. He wants to leave and he doesn't care if there's more shit he has to deal with. He has to try.
Or maybe it's a spell of some sort. idk. Especially as we have Odysseus once more singing about Penelope and how much he longs for her once he's off Ogygia. Just a thought :P
I almost get this weird vibe that Epic is making Circe more of a "villain" than Calypso (which yes. Circe did coerce Odysseus in the Odyssey and was trying to in Epic. I literally wrote a whole essay about it.) But like, in comparison, Circe in Epic is not nearly as bad as Calypso in Epic. Same in the Odyssey. Like Circe DOES eventually become an "ally" after Odysseus begs her to let him leave, Calypso had to be FORCED to let him go. IN BOTH EPIC AND THE ODYSSEY.
idk. funky feelings :/
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calisources · 1 year ago
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CHILDREN   OF   THE   NIGHT.   a   collection   of   quotes   and   scenarios   about   vampires.   change   pronouns/names   as   you   see   fit.   These   were   all   taken   from   different   sources   of   fiction,   both   in   literature   and   audiovisual   media.   all   known   triggers   for   vampire   media   apply   (blood,   death,   murder,   gothic   horror, obsessive love   and   more).
SENTENCES AND QUOTES. change pronouns and names, locations as you see fit.
"I took mythology a lot more seriously since I’d become a vampire."
“None of us really changes over time; we only become more fully what we are.”
"A vampire, like a lady, never reveals his true age."
"How do we seem to you? Do you find us beautiful and magical?”
"The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him."
"Listen to them, the children of the night. What music they make!"
"The blood is the life!"
"Loving the monsters always ends badly for the humans. It's a rule."
“When people see good, they expect good. I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations.”
“Love is a vampire’s greatest weakness. And we are not weak.”
“You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed.”
“For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.”
"I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world. That is my secret."
“I'm in love with a woman I can never have. The point is I'm in love with her and it's driving me crazy. I'm not in control.”
"Your life is pathetic. Your after-life doesn't have to be."
"Life sucks either way, Jeremy. At least if you're a vampire, you don't have to feel bad about it if you don't want to."
"You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure and even a little danger."
"Sometimes the world turns good people into bad people."
"People have been after me for a thousand years, but I'm always one step ahead."
"Mother made us vampires. She didn't make us monsters. We did that to ourselves."
"Perhaps one day, in a year or even in a century. You'll turn up at my door and let me show you what the world has to offer."
"Do you have any idea how rare love is? In a thousand years, I have found it but twice, and when I have, I have honored it."
"You're a vampire, sweetheart. I don't think you'll ever be okay again."
“When you feel the blood rush in, you tell yourself that you’re gonna get through it; that you’re strong enough.”
“You’d be surprised how easy it is to forget the past, Elena.”
“I wanna rip into your skin. And I wanna feed on your blood. Under your skin.”
“I just want one taste. That''s all I need. I just want one taste.”
“There’s the briefest of moments before we kill, where we literally hold their life in our hands and then rip it away, and we’re left with nothing.”
“Do you know the secret to immortality?”
“The vampire bond. There is no human equivalent.”
“He was my mentor, my murderer, my maker.”
“When was the last time you drank blood?”
“Left you with a bit of a craving, didn’t it? One day that craving is gonna grow.”
“That's cause you took my life! I got nothing. I lost everything. I lost my brother. I lost my family. About to lose the last fucking thing I care about.”
“And then I watched you pull over and drain a dog. And run down an alleyway for two more rats. This is not a life!”
“Hunting is an art. You have the power to subdue anyone you want, but sometimes restraint is your most powerful weapon.”
“What does this taste like to you?”
“There is one thing about being a vampire that I must fear above all else, and that is loneliness. You can't imagine the emptiness. The void.”
“Vampires are killers. Apex predators whose all-seeing eyes were meant to give them detachment. The ability to see a human life in its entirety.”
“Don’t underestimate the allure of the darkness. Even the purest hearts are drawn to it.”
“End of the day, human life is just a means to an end. Our means to our end.”
“A mutual law of nature is the strong always take from the weak.”
“It’s better to have a flawed life lived than wasted rotting away in clay.”
“Hatred, a pure and perfect hatred that’s greater now than the day I first took your life.”
“A thousand years of history isn’t going to write itself.”
“I can’t be killed.”
“I’m the monster lesser monsters fear.”
"I have crossed oceans of time to find you."
"You don't know what you are asking of me. To drink from you."
"You need blood, take it."
"To walk with me you must die to your breathing life, and be reborn to mine."
"I love you, Stefan. We will be together again. I promise."
"You loved me once, you will love me again."
"I made him. Did you know that?"
"I never compelled your love. It was real, and so was mine."
"What did you think was gonna happen? She would look at you, see your real face and give you a kiss?"
"I could swap this life of shame. Swap it out for a dark gift. You just have to ask me for it."
"Vampyrism is, by definition, an afterlife."
"I'm not the one who was sleeping with one vampire while half in love with another. Your morality is a moving target. Mine is not."
"A man damaged by his demons and those demons are not dormant, they are hell-bent on killing me and everything I find beautiful. And you, you are beautiful."
"You are stronger now. Meaner. Sexier."
"They are like vampire royalty. The oldest among us."
"He is the original hybrid. Half vampire, half werewolf."
"We both know I could snap your neck and do my nails at the same time."
 “Viktor. The oldest and strongest of us. That night, he made me a Vampire. "
"Stop fighting who you are."
"I'll tell you what I know about death, Camille. Death dances silently in everyone's shadow, and she doesn't give a damn."
"Turns out, I have complicated feelings for a monster."
ACTIONS AND SCENARIOS. Add a +reverse for the inverse action. Change names as you see fit.
[YOU ARE NOT HUMAN]: sender figured out receiver is a vampire and confronts them.
[FEEDING HOUR]: receiver finds sender feeding on someone's blood.
[WHEN IS A MONSTER NOT A MONSTER]: sender touches receiver's vampire face, showing they are not afraid.
[YOU NEED TO]: sender offers their blood to receiver.
[ECHOES OF THE PAST]: receiver is a doppelganger/looks like a person the sender knew in the past.
[DEATH AND THE MAIDEN]: receiver and sender can't be together as one is immortal and the other is a vampire.
[MY MAKER, MY LOVER]: sender is receiver's sire and they reunite after centuries after.
[BOND]: receiver is senders fledgling and sender can feel them.
[ELIXIR]: receiver is hurt and sender, a vampire, feeds them their blood.
[SHARING]: sender tempts receiver to share a meal of blood.
[HUNTING THE HUNTER]: sender is a vampire hunter, and they found receiver.
[THE INVITATION]: receiver receives an INVITATION to stay at sender's gothic/ancient manor.
[DRACULA'S BRIDE]: sender wants receiver to be one of their wives/lovers.
[BLOOD FAMILIAR]: sender is a vampire familiar, a human bloodbag under receiver protection. receiver finds out another vampire had bitten them.
[CRAVING]: sender tasted receiver once and craved them again.
[INVITED]: after bring invited inside, sender shows up at receiver's home.
[LICK]: sender licks receiver's blood remains from their mouth.
[LAST RESORT]: receiver has to turn sender into vampire because they are dying. sender wakes up in transition.
[ANCHOR]: sender calms receiver down after receiver went on a bloodlust spree. sender reminds them their humanity.
[RIVAL COVENS]: sender and receiver are from rival vampire covens and they talk in neutral ground.
[HUMANITY]: sender is human and because of them, receiver is starting to feel humanity again.
[I'LL BE YOUR GUIDE]: receiver is guiding sender through the early stages of vampirism.
[RIVAL SPECIES]: sender is a werewolf/witch and receiver is a vampire. they fall in love/ally with each other.
[DHAMPIR]: sender is a half human, half vampire who just had their first taste of human blood. receiver finds them.
[REFLECTION]: sender looks in the mirror and finds out that receiver has no reflection.
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fuxuannie · 1 year ago
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hsr men and their love languages.
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╭₊˚ ๑︰hsr men & their love language
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:★: relationship : various hsr men x g-neutral reader
:★: warnings : none! fluff
:★: a/n : SO CUTE i love getting reqs like this!! lets me write super quick and simple stuff yipeeee >.< school starts soon .. uh ohhh
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DAN HENG's love language is simple, quality time. Whether it's quietly reading books together, leaning on his shoulder to rest or small little dates here and there.. he's just happy to be with you. It gives him a sense of comfort and when you're gone it's like he's longing to go home. You make him feel like he has a place in this galaxy, like he's home.
JING YUAN tends to be stressed here and there, with so much to handle as a General - who wouldn't start cracking under the pressure every now and then? So he really appreciates whenever you do small acts of service for him. Giving him a head massage, getting him tea and doing all the little things you know he needs. It warms his heart that you rememeber and take note of these things to take care of him.
It was surprising to you that BLADE enjoyed physical touch. Maybe he was so used to loneliness, being immortal isn't exactly easy, but you made it feel like he was human. He doesn't know how to put it into words, but you make him want to live just to be with you. Having you in his arms gives him a purpose he didn't know he could have.
Words of affirmation was definitely GEPARD's strong suit if anyone had to guess. On days where you feel sad or insecure, Gepard has always been there to tell you all the things you need to hear. Whatever you've been feeling for the past couple of days, a small talk with him won't fix it - but it would at the very least help. You know he's an honest man, a very kind one at heart. He'd never tell you what wasn't true, and everything he affirms about you is nothing less but how he truly sees you.
CAELUS isn't saying he's rich, but the extravegant gifts you find at your door every single day without fail speaks alot of volumes, and that his love language is gift giving. It is not always the case that people love to buy gifts are shallow or only have their materialistic gifts to prove their love.. Caelus just loves to spoil you. He'll take you out on many dates, spend hours of time with you and show you that he cares but it's clear he loves to spend for you. Any little trinket that reminds you of him? He gets it for you immediately. You could definitely fill a whole shelf of things that he's bought for you.
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clericofgale · 1 year ago
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Spoilers for Patch 5 and the whole game.
I posted my thoughts about the new ending Gale got in patch 5 on Reddit first, but I might as well post it here with some revisions. I'll say it, I love the god Gale ending. But it is NOT his good ending to me. Before I would never have pursued it, but now it is tantalizing to say the least. I'm into it though Gale the mortal is still my preference.
"Gale Dekarios cuts a poor figure next to the wizarding prowess of 'Gale of Waterdeep. You like so many things about me I'd have sooner discarded…"
By ascending Gale, you are killing Gale Dekarios. The nerd that hits on you in front of everyone while you're covered in zombie blood, procced to infodump an entire tangent to complement you, and yet somehow stick the landing to hit you with the most romantic poetry you've ever heard. A sensitive man who wears his emotions on his sleeve and wants to make the world a more beautiful place. An artist of the weave and a poet. The owner of the most overbearing tressym in the world. The moment the spell was complete, Gale Dekarios died and Gale the divine was born.
Even then, why is god Gale now so enticing to me unlike ascended Astarion? Because he loves you. He wants you by his side as an equal. It's actually sweet and romantic, just like all of Gale's romance is. I'm nothing if not a sucker for a romance.
"Follow my Lead" "Show me more. Show me it all." "I want you to seize the crown and make us a new world"
BeMyGod is the name in the data file for the boat scene where Gale asks you if you'll be with him when he seizes the crown. I know file names can be arbitrary, but if you agree to his proposal, you really are asking Gale to be your god. It's so easy to say yes. You're in the stars, Gale says I want to show you so much more, but it's not worth it without you. All you need to do is say yes. You're angry at Mystra who demanded so much of Gale, caused him such suffering and won't lift a finger to help. So You say yes. You love him. He loves you.
When Gale ascends, even in 6 months he is a different entity. The devs indicate: "His posture/demeanor here should feel slightly more aloof/detached than the regular Gale - he's been immortal for six months, his ego is as powerful as his magic. The real Gale's insecurities still lurk beneath his godlike confidence, as does his love for the player, but this is clearly a Gale setting out on a darker path."
The Gale here is a twisted version of the one we loved. His flaws are worse, he good traits have mostly disappeared. Namely his kindness and tolerance to deprecating humor. He no longer tolerates any perceived slight or jab. He doesn't let go of his bitterness towards Mystra. His ego is large yet fragile. You saw a glimpse of it at the ritual circle scene if you succeed in upstaging him in magic. Now it's only gotten worse. Yes even his insecurity. If you rejected him after accepting the proposal, Gale says this.
Tav: No, I think it's the end. What happened to the man I once loved? Gale: He's the god he deserves to be. I achieved everything we hoped I would, and still I'm not good enough for you?
He's also lonelier than ever. His last 6 months were in isolation, with nobody he could trust while dealing with the crown and celestial politics. Immortals don't really have friends. They have allies and lovers. He stops talking to his mother who was so dear to him. He develops a spell to polymorph people into Tara, his oldest friend who rejects him after ascension. He then develops a spell that summons Shadowdark ale and forces people to dance and be happy, just like the vignette he told you about the Yawning Portal. The third spell is Power word: Ruin. he's finally back to speaking death into being with a single word, just like he used to.
Gale wanted to be a god to make a better world, but now he's a neutral god answering prayers from any alignment. He doesn't care if they are Thayan wizards aiming for lichdom or unscrupulous Amnian merchants. Ambition is a neutral idea. Ambition also drives healers to develop a cure. For adventurers to slay monsters.
What's the most noticeable remaining good trait in Gale? Gale still loves you. He's much nicer to you if romanced. He refuses to be with you if you don't go with him because he doesn't want to hurt you. He admires your good heart if you want to honor the pact with Raphael. He calls you my love just like before. He will fulfill the promise sealed that night in the astral sea. All you have to do is say yes. And the ascension cinematic is a callback to the romance scenes from before.
"Follow my lead. Close your eyes. I have so much more to show you."
And you know what. I'll go with you. Even if we will eventually lose both our humanity in our folly, and dreams become nightmares. Even if I'll come to regret that night when I said yes to the mortal you, I don't want you to be lonely. Where ever you go, I'll go. You'll always have me. And I'll always have you.
As God Gale would say… "A toast then, to our myriad ambitions. May we each get what we deserve."
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matrixbearer2024 · 2 months ago
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Suffering
Are you really even living? Or simply surviving doctor? When had immortality turned from a blessing into a curse? More importantly, did you really even care? Or did you only care because you're now all alone?
AKA; Ford internalizing now that he's alone and invulnerable to the sands of time. The same can't be totally said for his mental state though. After all, he's only human.
Songfic based on "Suffering" by Amelie Farren written for my Time Lord Twins AU!
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I'm very delulu for my AU- so have a sneak peek into Doc's future with this song fic I wrote. I have three distinct moments for Stanford as the Doctor in my timelord twins AU:
the Doctor that neglects — when he was young and was only a Doctor thanks to his PhDs
the Doctor that regrets — present, where I normally create content for him and where his blog and RP are currently situated
the Doctor that forgets — the far flung future where he outlives everybody and completely embraces being a time lord
I'll be tagging these posts accordingly, but I'd love to talk about his lore much more if you guys are interested!
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The sun had long dipped below the edge of the cosmos, surrendering to the sea of stars that now spilled across the boundless sky. Within the TARDIS, Stanford stood against the vast backdrop of that eternal night, the hum of the ship's machinery a constant, soothing drone beneath the cacophony of his thoughts. The silver pill case in his hand reflected the light of a nearby console, gleaming with a sterile brightness that made his skin crawl. He turned it over between his fingers, contemplating the small white tablets that represented his fragile tether to equilibrium.
  I've thrown aside my worries, but the cares they bite me back. I'm taking twenty vitamins a day, for the iron I lack.
  Stanford grimaced, the corners of his lips pulling downward as the familiar bitterness welled up in his throat. He tilted his head back and swallowed the pills dry, feeling them scrape down his throat as if rebelling against their purpose. Sustenance without substance, that was his life now. He no longer needed food to keep going, no longer needed the simple pleasures of living— he only indulged when he could remember to, when the aching loneliness hadn’t numbed his senses entirely.
  I don't need food I don't need sleep, don't tell me that I'm wrong! I don't know what I'm doing— But can you please just play along?
  The first decade had clawed at him with relentless, gnawing grief. Each year afterward seemed to find a new way to hollow him out, chiseling deeper into the marrow of his being until there was nothing left but the echo of old anguish. He would lie awake in the captain’s chair or pace the TARDIS halls, every footfall a metronome counting out regrets. Days would bleed into each other, a palette of shadows smearing over any sense of time. He’d stopped counting birthdays after the 200th, the last one he’d shared with Stanley.
  Why count when the numbers stretched toward an infinity he wanted nothing to do with?
  My head is made of flowers, and my body made of steel. Cause I can't think— Can't hear— can't feel!
  Stanford’s fingers flexed, muscles tightening and releasing as if testing the reality of their presence. The memories surged forward like a wave, unstoppable and suffocating— hands covered in grime and ash, eyes stinging from the smoke that rose like specters around him, the taste of iron sharp on his tongue. He had touched the stars, commanded them, until they burned him to cinders. His mind was an overgrown thicket now, vines of regret and bitterness weaving through every synapse, thorned reminders of a past he could neither escape nor amend.
  When he closed his eyes, he could see them— faces etched into the void, voices calling out in anguish as they fell. Each step, each choice, stained his path with crimson guilt. He felt like a monument to grief, immovable and ever-decaying.
  They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but I disagree. I can't imagine anything Cause I can't see!
  The doctor let out a breath that shuddered its way past his chest, eyes straying to the holographic stars projected across the TARDIS library. What he once chased with fervor and ambition had turned into an unyielding prison. The titles of “healer” and “teacher”, which once filled him with pride, now felt like weights dragging him deeper into the abyss. What good was saving worlds when he couldn’t save his own heart from splintering?
  I won't break the ice though what else Is there to do? Cause suffering in silence is better—
  He could scream, tear at the walls and curse the very fabric of the universe, but he didn’t. The tears had dried up centuries ago, leaving him a stoic effigy among the whirring consoles and glowing monitors. The charade was familiar— a smile that never reached his eyes, words measured and wrapped in carefully crafted ease. He was an actor in the greatest tragedy ever told, where the curtains never fell.
  Than suffering with you.
  The doctor’s gaze dropped to the leather-bound journal resting on the armrest of his chair, untouched for days. The pages within held maps of stars, sketches of constellations, and annotations written with a frantic hand, desperate to capture even a fragment of meaning. The room around him felt cavernous, echoing with memories of Dipper’s quick wit and Mabel’s bright laughter. He could almost hear them, almost see their shadows darting between bookshelves.
  But it was only him, just him, marooned in this endless stretch of time.
  So I jumped out with a parachute, but the ground caught me off guard. Karma for the rules I break, the ones I disregard.
  The temptation to go back, to step through rifts that bent reality and visit those moments, was irresistible. He’d done it before, left the TARDIS hidden among the trees and traced the familiar paths of Gravity Falls with trembling steps. His heart would clench as he watched past versions of himself and his twin squabble over nonsense, the cheery voices of his grand niece and nephew not long to join. Their voices carrying over the wind with the kind of ease that only came before everything shattered.
  I can feel the tension rising. What fate is worse than this? Stuck between the ones I love—
  He’d watch them, hidden in the shadows of his own memories, a ghost to a life he once lived. Cosmic rules be damned. He’d listen to the echoes of their laughter until it felt like it would break him, that painful, beautiful sound that underscored just how far he’d fallen. But even then, he would not dare approach, would not dare alter a single second.
  And the ones I miss.
  Stanford’s eyes shifted to the flickering flames of the library’s fireplace, its light casting restless, dancing shadows across the room. The orange glow did little to warm the chill embedded in his bones. How many Fords, across how many dimensions, would have craved this? A sanctuary lined with knowledge and power, the respect of entire galaxies balanced on a single whispered name— ‘Doctor.’ And yet, it was all as hollow as the space between the stars.
  My head is made of shrubbery, and my body made of stone. Cause I can't for the life of me— reap what I have sown!
  He tightened his hold on the armrest, the leather creaking under his grip. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It never should have come to this— sailing across time, trapped in a machine that hummed with its own form of loneliness, while he wore a mask that no one ever questioned. It felt like being both the sculptor and the statue, shaping and trapped by the life he’d carved out.
  They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but I disagree. I can't imagine anything, 'cause I can't see!
  The weight of immortality, once so alluring, now coiled around him like iron shackles. What did it matter if entire legions paused at the utterance of his name? What did it matter if beings far beyond human comprehension flinched at the sight of him? It meant nothing without the echoes of laughter, without the warmth of shared stories and the unspoken understanding of his family’s presence beside him.
  I won't break the ice though what else Is there to do? 'Cause suffering in silence is better—
  He filled the silence with companions, short-lived stars that burned bright and fizzled out too quickly. They were there, and then they weren’t. Time was relentless, wearing them down to memories while he stood unchanged. Each one chipped away at him, left him a little more hollow. His only true constant was Stanley, and even he didn’t know the full story. Ford wouldn’t let him, couldn’t let him see that far into the dark.
  Than suffering with you.
  The TARDIS thrummed, a soft, sympathetic sound that vibrated through his bones as if it, too, mourned the lives they’d shared and lost. Ford exhaled, the heaviness in his chest pressing down like a stone. He could carry this, he would carry this— because if there was one thing he’d learned in all these centuries, it was that some battles are never meant to be shared. Some wars are fought in silence, against an enemy that wore your face in the mirror.
  And if the burden grew too heavy, well— he was the Doctor. He would bear it alone.
  He had to.
  I try to sink and never float.
  Some days, the weight was manageable, a familiar companion that settled over him like a well-worn cloak. But tonight, the burden felt insurmountable, pressing against his chest until each breath tasted sharp, like the metallic tang of blood from battles fought too long ago to matter and yet too vivid to forget.
  Stanford’s eyes turned to the viewport, where the stars blinked back at him with their indifferent light. Once, those points of light had been symbols of promise, of adventure and uncharted paths. Now they were cold eyes watching as he drifted— an eternal voyager, bound by his own choices and the mistakes that clung to him like barnacles on a shipwreck.
  Cause my head is underwater.
  The doctor’s fingers found the edge of his sleeve, gripping it tight as though it could anchor him. The silence roared in his ears, the kind that made old wounds ache with the sharpness of fresh cuts. Memories of splintered wood and that familiar bite of ozone filled his senses. The frantic fight, the blinding light, the hole that had torn through his chest— a wound that should have marked the end. He let out a shuddering breath, feeling phantom pain coil around him like a serpent.
  I’m here by choice by my own hand.
  The most damning part was knowing that every fracture, every scar, was carved by his own hand. He’d walked into the chaos willingly, driven by an insatiable need to prove something— to whom, he couldn’t even remember anymore. A need that had led him to make choices that, at best, haunted him and, at worst, had cost him everything.
  I’m a lamb sent into slaughter.
  He ran a hand through his hair, disheveling the silver strands that had once been a youthful umber. The weight in his chest grew heavier, spreading through his limbs. He remembered the moment he’d sealed his fate with a handshake and a grin, signing away pieces of himself to a demon who promised everything and gave nothing but ruin. Even now, the jeers of that one-eyed triangle haunted the corners of his vision, mocking him with every beat of his undying heart.
  I’m aware of my own body.
  Every nerve ending screamed in protest as memories flared to life. The repair box’s nanobots— an endless legion that buzzed beneath his skin— worked tirelessly, a ceaseless reminder that he wasn’t wholly his own anymore. Some days, he could almost feel them moving, an itch he could never scratch. His hands curled into fists, knuckles turning white as he resisted the impulse to claw at the sensation, to rip it out and make it stop.
  I can feel beneath my skin.
  But he didn’t. He never did. The discipline of centuries held him captive, a slave to his own stoic facade. He swallowed hard, letting the tension dissipate as much as it ever could, settling like sediment at the bottom of his soul. The fire’s light flickered over his features, casting deep shadows that made his face look carved from stone.
  I can wash away my insecurities.
  He stood abruptly, the sudden motion sending a wave of dizziness through him. The doctor steadied himself against the back of the chair, eyes closing as he drew in a breath. The act was as much a ritual as any he performed— a way to wash the fractures of his spirit, to convince himself that he was still whole. But deep down, he knew.
  But can’t wash away my sin!
  No amount of time, no act of heroism, could ever cleanse the burgundy that stained his hands. It was a truth that gnawed at him, a constant shadow that whispered during his moments of quiet. He turned toward the shelves, running a finger over the spine of a book he’d read a hundred times but never truly absorbed. Knowledge without purpose— just like him.
  They say a picture’s worth a thousand words, but I disagree! I can’t imagine anything—
  The holographic stars in the library blinked and swirled, shifting constellations that once spoke of wonder and exploration. Now, they were a cruel reminder of all the places he’d been, all the faces he’d left behind. He raised a fist, hesitated, then let it fall to his side. He couldn’t even find the anger to break the illusion.
  Cause I can’t see!
  His vision blurred, not with tears— those had dried up long ago— but with the weight of exhaustion that pressed down on him like a vice. Every accolade, every whispered praise, fell flat, their meaning washed away by the tides of time and repetition. The applause of civilizations felt no different than the hollow sound of silence.
  I won’t break the ice though what else Is there to do?
  The cold chill crept into his veins, a familiar companion that had shared his endless nights. Yet, he dared not crack the veneer he’d cultivated— that smile, that reassuring nod. It was a mask, as impenetrable as the TARDIS walls. To break it would mean shattering the delicate balance that kept him standing.
  Cause suffering in silence is better—
  Stanford’s fingers brushed against the journal again, the touch almost reverent, as if it held the answers he’d long given up searching for. The one story he couldn’t write was his own— each word caught in the tangle of what-ifs and could-have-beens that ensnared his mind.
  Than suffering with you!
  He swallowed back the ache, pushing it down to the depths where it simmered and seethed. To bear it alone was better; it was safer. The doctor would stand, resolute and silent, a guardian of time burdened by its cruelest truths.
  And as the night deepened, the stars outside continued their silent vigil, unmoved by the man who carried the weight of universes in his lonely fractured heart.
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Tell me what you think about these two! I've got more drabbles in store for them aside from the content already on both their blogs @gftimelord & @gftimelordstwin! Also posted here on Ao3!
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yanderes-galore · 2 years ago
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May I please request cult lamb were the lambs darling is another lamb?
Sure! I actually like this idea :)
Yandere! The Lamb with Lamb! Darling
Short Concept
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Isolation, Fear of abandonment, Obsession, Mentions of having children but it's vague as you're both GN, Forced relationship, Clingy behavior, Overprotective behavior.
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Lambs have been hunted by The Bishops to prevent the old prophecy of the chained one.
The Lamb thinks that they are the last one to the slaughter.
The Bishops themselves think that is true.
It turns out they were all wrong.
The Lamb can't believe their eyes when they see you.
Losing (almost) their entire kind really messed with their psyche.
Yet here you are, in front of them, a lamb with soft wool and innocent eyes compared to their haunting ones.
You're just as surprised to see another of your kind.
You've been hiding in the shadows in fear of being found and slaughtered.
Desperately, perhaps even naivély, you ask for their protection.
Surely with the Red Crown they will be able to make things right?
The Lamb eagerly accepts you into their flock.
You'll even notice them absentmindedly stroking your wool, yearning for a feeling of familiarity.
Honestly, The Lamb would feel more attached to a darling who's also a lamb like them.
After all, you both are the only ones of your species.
They'd want to catch your eye, somewhat hopeful of bringing lambs back into the land.
As a result their attempts at your attention are stronger than normal.
They're eager, often hovering around you.
The followers of The Lamb also praise you, being a lamb like their leader.
You are happy you found a surviving member of your kind...
Although you do wish they were less eager to court you.
The gifts, affection, and constant attention get overwhelming after awhile.
The Lamb does not understand your hesitance.
To them the best thing to do is keep you beside them.
Lambs must stay together in their herd.
Oh, TOWW finds this little discovery interesting.
It appears his vessel has found another of their kind.
What luck.
TOWW finds the desperation of The Lamb towards you amusing.
What would they do if you passed on... you lack immortality like them.
Perhaps they'd beg?
Maybe they'd ask the bishop of death for mercy?
TOWW promises if The Lamb is good for him, your life will be as long as theirs.
Honestly, being a lamb like The Lamb would probably be overwhelming.
The similarities are nice...
But The Lamb is so scared to be alone again that they cling to you.
They have so much power in their cult.
Who are you to turn to?
Your life is stuck in the camp.
Safe from predators, safe from death...
The Lamb feels since they have the power to control who lives and who dies with TOWW, they know what's best.
It's not like you'll fight them-
Lambs tend to be submissive creatures... The Lamb is simply different due to TOWW.
As they hold your face and stroke your wool... they bleat towards you.
A sound meant to be comforting...
The Lamb feels like family... perhaps even a future partner.
You just wish they gave you more of a choice instead of suffocating you in their desperation and loneliness like it's love.
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tokiro07 · 4 months ago
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Undead Unluck ch.220 thoughts
[Here For a Good Time AND a Long Time!]
(Contents: thematic analysis - happiness/autonomy)
All Up From Here
What'd I tell ya? You don't give things a numerical score, cus something better is always capable of coming along. Tozuka himself even incorporated my exact feelings into this chapter!
"I'm as happy as can be, Andy." "What are you talkin' about, Nico?! It's all up from here!!"
Acknowledging that you're happy is of course an important first step to actually being happy, but to say that you can't be happier is to say that you'll never be this happy again, like a preemptive refusal to accept greater happiness in the future
This is also why I don't personally like to throw around "peak" as a compliment, because again it implies that nothing compares now and never will again. It puts the recipient on a pedestal, and forces all further interactions to be analyzed exclusively in comparison rather than on their own
Take me for example: long-time readers of mine know that Medaka Box is my favorite manga of all time, but as UU has continued to grow and evolve artistically and narratively, I've been forced to reexamine my relationship with both series. By insisting that nothing would ever surpass Medaka Box in my heart, I've been actively holding my opinion of UU down, refusing to change the shape of the hole that Medaka Box left in my life to fit UU, afraid that doing so would cause me to forget Medaka Box
...Huh, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?
Andy telling Nico to look forward rather than becoming complacent with his current happiness or previous joys is actually a perfect capstone to their last meeting in the previous loop, as Nico's inability to allow Mico to make him happy in Ichico's place was ultimately what allowed Ragnarok to reach a critical point as quickly as it did. He certainly won't allow it to get to that point again, but rooting himself in the high of getting married rather than looking forward to the perpetuity of married life rings a bit of a bell, and one that Andy is quick to silence
This Too Shall Pass
Andy himself needs to take a future-focused stance like this, as if he doesn't, he would certainly go insane...again. In L100, he spent 200 years trying to kill himself because he saw no future in his immortality, just a constant waste of time with no purpose or goal. He would never find love, and any love he did find would be fleeting, as he would watch everyone he cared for slip away. He'd peaked when he had his gang in the Wild West, and everything since then was downhill
Until he met Fuuko
Once Fuuko was in Andy's life, suddenly every day was better than the last. Every day was fun, every day was worth living, and even when he couldn't see her anymore, when he was stuck eternally burning alive on the sun, he knew that there would be a day when the suffering would end. Because he had something to look forward to, the knowledge that things would get better, Andy was able to put up with literally the most painful hardship anyone has ever experienced without a word of complaint
All thanks to Fuuko
No Fate But What We Make
Fuuko, of course, went through the same thing, just on a much smaller scale. She went through ten years of believing that there was no future in a life where she couldn't touch anyone, and the only thing that kept her going was the serialization of a manga. Once it ended, so too did the roadmap of her life; if the only thing she could look forward to was the next chapter, there was no future without one
It was only when she met Andy that she began to see possibilities for herself, that that there was a reason to keep going. Because of Andy, Fuuko was able to look ahead and make a real plan for herself, to commit to multiple preparations and contingencies across 200 years of loneliness, to lay the foundation for her and everyone else's happiness
All thanks to Andy
But Fuuko interestingly takes the opposite approach here. While she builds her future, she seems to think of it as a culmination of the past. She says that the moment of their meeting wasn't the start of their story, but rather Andy's very creation was the start, that he and his life choices are what brought the present and future into possibility. Fuuko attributes all of her successes to him, a domino chain that simply swept her along
But just like Andy corrected Nico, so too does he correct Fuuko
"It started with you, Andy. If you were never born, then I -" "Ha! It was just dumb luck. You're the one that turned that luck into fate."
In this moment, Fuuko has an external locus of control, believing herself to have been dealt a bad hand and that she just got lucky when she swapped out her cards, but that's not what Andy sees. He sees a woman who made the right calls with what she had, who swapped out the right cards and made the right bluffs to turn a bad hand around and win big anyway, and he doesn't want her to lose sight of that
Just like he doesn't want Nico to think his life is going downhill, he doesn't want Fuuko to think her life isn't in her control. If life isn't in your control, then neither is your happiness; anything you have can be taken away, and you forfeit the ability to take it back. Again, Andy can attest to that: he only found Fuuko by sheer dumb luck
No one orchestrated their meeting, it just happened, and it was only because Fuuko made the choice to embrace the consequences of that meeting that their lives turned out for the best. If Fuuko hadn't pushed herself to kiss Andy and save both of them from being captured by the Union, she likely would have been killed and he probably would have somehow found his way back to being Victor, this persona fading into nothing while still remaining unnamed
When hardships inevitably come Fuuko's way again, she needs to understand that she can't rely on luck to save her, but she can rely on herself. She's proven it a thousand times, and even become someone that everyone else can rely on; with her own hands, she defied everyone's destinies and forged a happy ending for all of them. That's not something that could have just happened by the whims of fate, only by the choices of someone with the strength to take control of their own life. After 100 loops with only subtle variations thanks to the minimal interference of the only one who could, the 101st has the chance to create the perfect ending specifically because Fuuko chose to interfere when given the opportunity
And now she has the opportunity to interfere one last time
Let's Enjoy Life
We've talked about it endlessly at this point, but Ruin is a clear foil to Andy in a ton of ways, and this chapter is a perfect illustration of that concept, literally. Not only is this fight happening on the bridge where Andy and Fuuko first met, the flow of the battle itself is like a speedrun of the first 20 chapters
The meteors and lightning from last chapter, getting hit by a vehicle and reduced to a head (the train in ch.1 or the truck in ch.2), having his body sealed by specially made Union containers (eye-scar guy in ch.1), getting pummeled by Void on the highway (ch.2), facing Shen immediately after (ch.3), then jumping straight to being launched into space by Nyoi Kinko (ch.16). Even the way he talks, insisting "this isn't enough to kill me" is pretty much exactly what Andy and Victor would say whenever anyone would hit them with anything - because he thinks they're trying to kill him
But that's not the goal. It never was
Tozuka played a fun little trick on us from the very beginning of the series. By calling UU "the story of [the] quest for the greatest death ever," the expectation that was set up was that we would see the most extravagant, bombastic and show-stopping death ever put to page, that the goal was to find the one thing that could actually overcome immortality. He made a promise that the story would end with Andy's demise and all the spectacle that came with it
With this chapter, it is clear that this was a promise that Tozuka had no intention of keeping
Not in the sense that Andy won't die, I have a hard time seeing this series ending without that punctuation to his story, but the death itself is no longer the purpose of the journey, and I would argue never really has been. The "greatest death ever" is one that comes at the end of a fulfilling life, one where the deceased is surrounded by people who love them and, even through the tears and grief, everyone can look back and smile. This was the lesson that Fuuko learned in ch.1 as she fell to what she thought was her death; the suicide that was meant to end her suffering simply put into perspective how empty her life had been, and being saved, being held, being shown affection by Andy showed her what her life could be
Ch.1 was a perfect preview of the rest of the series, because as I've said many times over by now, Andy and Fuuko's stories are near identical. Just as Fuuko learned that life needs to be lived for death to have meaning, so too would Andy. And now, two hundred and twenty chapters later, Tozuka has finally paid off that slow burn by having Andy acknowledge that he enjoys life!
And now he wants Ruin to do the same.
"I've got one rule and one rule only!! ... Now, c'mon, You follow it too!! Let's enjoy what life has to offer!!"
"You follow it too."
Andy doesn't want to kill Ruin. He wants Ruin to understand the truth. Ruin loves the world, and that's a start, but he wants to eliminate the thing that makes the world truly beautiful - the people in it. Andy's "ridiculously long life" was pointless because he was alone, and Ruin's life is set to be just as long. He insists that he only needs the Rules, but how long can that sustain his soul? At best, madness is all that awaits him, but as we said, a life that accepts it will never be happier is one that has accepted it will be unhappy
Ruin needs to be shown that his way of life will only lead to unhappiness, and that there's a better way. That loving people and being loved by people is better than hating them and isolating from them. Just like Andy drifted through life ambiently allowing things to happen to him, taking opportunities as they came along rather than actively working towards a goal, so too is Ruin losing control in this fight. He's getting smacked around like a rag doll by the culmination of the life that Andy lived, and the Rules he hid behind to distance himself from humanity can't do a damn thing to help him
When Andy thought there was nothing more he could do, that he had to sacrifice himself to the Union to keep Fuuko alive, she stepped up to save both of them, reaching out to someone else for the first time. That was the moment Andy's life started to change, the moment that Andy was truly born, and I believe that Ruin is about to learn exactly what that's like
Undeath and Rebirth
The official twitter gave us a fun bit of insight this week: in L100, the mark over Ruin's eye that I've been calling a scar this whole time was actually a birthmark. While the mark from Remember on Andy actually is a scar, it was present from the moment of Andy's creation, making it functionally identical to a birthmark
But now, in L101, both of these birthmarks are gone. Andy no longer has Remember, and Victor is no longer trying to return, so his wound has healed; meanwhile, Ruin's natural birthmark has been subsumed by a wound. Andy is no longer defined by his origin and now can look toward the future, while Ruin is likely hiding from his origin, covering it up and ignoring the implications of it
Andy was reborn and able to heal, but Ruin is more damaged than ever; more ruined than ever. With his birthmark gone, the pain of his past can be left in the past, but by marring himself so grievously, there will always be a reminder of it. It will only be once Ruin learns to look forward like Andy, like Fuuko, that he will be able to heal and be reborn as well. It is only then that he will cease to be ruined
Conclusion
Of course, this is all assuming that Tozuka actually cares enough about Ruin to keep him around and actively develop him. For all I know, this is going to be another Kururu situation where I'm filling holes that Tozuka only ever planned to leave empty, but as I've said a thousand times, Tozuka has built up more than enough good will for me to give him that benefit of the doubt. I wholeheartedly believe that Tozuka has a plan for Ruin (and hopefully for Kururu too), but in the end I'll still be okay with it either way so long as he uses them properly to develop and analyze Andy and Fuuko
At the end of the day, Ruin's character has given me another angle to approach our leads from, and that's what a good foil is supposed to do. Even if Ruin doesn't accept the lessons and is made to be an illustration of what happens when one refuses to live their life no matter what, that's just as good narratively, even if it's sad to think about. We'll just have to keep reading and enjoy what Tozuka has to offer, whatever that may be
...Ah, crumbs, do I need to change my sign-off???
The original translation was "let's enjoy life," but presumably for either accuracy or dramatic flair, David Evelyn went with "what life has to offer" this time. Now that it's been introduced in canon, that's the quote that's going to become iconic, and most people won't know about Tozuka's convention appearance or the chapter blurb that only appeared in the original magazine run! "Let's enjoy life" is inevitably going to be forgotten as the phrasing of the sentiment, so should I fight the tides and stick with the original, or accept reality and adapt accordingly...
...Well, when I put it that way, after everything I've said in this review, I think my choice is pretty clear. If anyone wants me to go back to the old way, let me know, but for now:
Until next time, let's enjoy what life has to offer!!
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yandere--stuck · 1 year ago
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nosramus's relationship headcanons, maybe? 🫶 idk if you write for them, but if not, ok!!
but speaking sincerely with all my heart; i've been following your blog for a while, and i'll tell you-- i sincerely love your writing, like really - very really !! i giggle and do 10 spins in my room when you post about my favorite characters (or characters i don't even know, 🤭🤭) maybe that sounds not honest ((i don't even know)), but i really mean it.
AND
hope you have a good night/or day (or whatever time is) !!!!!!!!!!
Thank you so so much!!! That's so sweet of you to say and I'm so glad you enjoy my works aaaaa ;w; it means a lot!!
I hope you have a great day/night yourself and that these are good <3
---
🤍 Immortality is both a blessing and a curse, Nosramus has found. Though she finds enjoyment and purpose in her studies and in the mundanity of life, even within the dungeons of Fear and Hunger, this has also led her to a life of loneliness. Many days spent with only herself for company. Her guard is there, of course, but he's not really much for company. It's even manageable most days. But the longer the future stretches out in front of her, the more the chasm in her heart where others had once touched deepens and darkens further.
💛 Such isolation gives her cause to look into different areas of study - such as The Soul. Everyone is born under a specific Soul type that will shape who they are and how their life will play out. Less understood, however, is that concept of a Soul Mate. The idea of one Soul bearer having one (or more) Souls that are naturally attracted or drawn toward one particular Soul type or even particular individual that bears a particular Soul type that seems to inherently click with another's. Once, she had thought she found them. But, she was wrong. She was betrayed and forgotten. In the end, they were the worse for it and Nosramus, in the grand scheme of things, was far better off. Still, she was left scarred by deception. To be alone was better than being hurt again in such a way. It was better for a long, long time. But now, the darkness and isolation of the catacombs have become almost too much to bear. She can feel her Soul call out for the touch of another.
🤍 Brave adventurer, what is it you seek? Her, perhaps unknowingly…? Why else could Nosramus feel you within the halls? Your footfalls echoing through her head, the brightness of your spirit felt pulsing in her own Soul. A feel of giddiness makes her entire body shake. She can't concentrate on her studies. She can't even hold a cup of tea steady without shaking. She sees flashes of you in her enlightened mind's eye. So desperate is Nosramus to see you in the flesh. Is this what it feels like to meet your one and only? A part of Sylvian's design perhaps. The anticipation and impending doom of meeting who you are meant to be one with. Nosramus can't help to distract herself much longer, nearly running from her laboratory as she feels you enter the mines.
💛 Don't be afraid. She can see you from the shadows. She will wait as long as you need to step into the light and see her. Nosramus tries to keep her smile from widening too greatly. She introduces herself. Tries to ignore the burning sensation in her very being. Extends a hand out to you and tells you the kettles on. Care for a cup of tea? She smiles even as you hesitate. Of course you're hesitant, poor thing. All alone in such a place without her. How did you ever survive? When your hand slips into hers, Nosramus is nearly set ablaze from the inside-out. Oh, yes, she thinks she'll keep you.
🤍 As a show of good faith, Nosramus offers you to partake in her potions and peruse her tomes. Not like you'll be leaving with them. The home she's made feels so much more alive with you inside it. Like you were always meant to be here. Your voice is music to her ears. She implores you - why are you here, where are you from, who have you left behind, what do you love, what do you despise, what are your dreams and wishes. She sprawls down notes when she gets a moment between preparing your tea. Just the beginning of her study of you. When she sets your cup in front of you, she makes a show of giving her own a hearty sip. And by the time you've realized what's happened, you can barely keep your head up. Poor dear. 
💛 You must understand. Or, you will understand, eventually. Nosramus has been burned before. She wants to trust you, but can't quite yet. But, it's okay, pet. She will take care of you while you learn how much your meant to be. She can hardly be near you without touching you - holding your hand, stroking the top of your head, pressing soft kisses across your face. When she must rip herself away from you, her guard will watch over you. One day, you'll be free to be lucid when kept in her quarters, but not yet. She must show you that your Souls are meant to be one. She cannot wait for the day that Sylvian blesses your union and you finally do become One.
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arachnixe · 11 months ago
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Permanent
The witch who planned so hard to achieve immortality did not plan for the end of the world.
Her magic—the magic of permanence—proved itself more durable in the end than the clockwork of life itself.
Small consolation, she felt, bound forever to her own buried bones.
It was something of a surprise when her millenia of silent rumination about her own life were interrupted by a shifting of dirt and rubble.
Her eyes had long since rotted away, but senses beyond sight alerted her to the impossible touch of sunlight on her remains.
Her mind stirred. She shifted from her reverie to contemplation of the outside world again. With great effort, she cast awareness outward to bring her surroundings into focus and perceive the cause of this unexpected shift in circumstance.
She felt no life. But not nothing.
A small figure stood over the dead witch’s body, scrutinizing her in silence. A painted face that should have been bleached to nothing from years of sun stared at her bones. Limbs which should have seized up and rotted were covered in dirt from its labors.
She knew this doll.
A distant memory surfaced, summoned by that unforgettable face. Years of toil on this one culminating in failure. Early experiments in imbuing a form with permanence which disappointingly ruined a perfectly good doll. It was discarded with the other unsalvageable mistakes.
It should not have been moving at all. It should not have known where to find her. It should not have survived the ages with its body intact in a way her own was not.
It was unmistakably standing before her, having dug through the ruined remains of her tomb to find her.
“You are still here, aren’t you?” the doll asked at last. “None of the others are. You’re just a skeleton, but I can tell you're inside.”
It approached, limbs creaking slightly until it could touch her ribcage for confirmation with a dirt-covered hand.
The witch no longer possessed a voice with which to speak, but the doll answered for her anyway.
“Yes! Thank you for saving me! You’re the best doll I ever had, and I’m sorry I forgot that when I left you behind!”
“Oh, you’re very welcome, Miss. Let’s get you out of here.”
It should have been humiliating to be spoken for in such a way, but there was such wonderful novelty in hearing someone else speak at all after so long.
Her spirit was still too weak to reach out and make her own true words known, which did not faze the doll in the slightest.
“Be careful with my skeleton, Dolly. I’m very old and fragile!”
“Yes, Miss. I’m being super extra careful, see?”
It scooped up the skeleton with feather-touch gentleness and—careful not to hit her skull on any rubble—picked its way out of the hole back to the surface.
“You’re my only friend left, Miss, and I don’t want to accidentally hurt you like I did the others,” the doll continued. “I think all that napping made me real strong like you and now I gotta be extra gentle so I don’t hurt anyone any more.”
“You’re doing so good, Dolly.”
Come to think of it, the witch didn’t think she’d ever given such praise to her dolls before. Correct behavior was to be expected of them, after all. What strange side effects had her experiments on this one had on it?
What strength did it think it had?
The doll continued to converse with itself, speaking on the witch’s behalf in a way the witch never would have on her own. It propped her bones up against some surface rubble in a mockery of a sitting position and continued chatting away with barely contained delight.
It was nice, actually. Even when the doll put words in her mouth that she never would have spoken.
“You’re so good at stories, Dolly!”
“Thank you, Miss! I’ve been practicing!”
“You’re so pretty, Dolly!”
“Thank you, Miss! You made me this way!”
The happiness she felt from “her” words pleasing the doll was completely unfamiliar. She had been so much lonelier than she had let herself believe, and she found herself content to be in the company of such a chatterbox and pleased that the comfort it offered was mutual.
The world on the surface was so empty. The landscape was barren. Even the night sky had somehow died and become featureless.
But the witch’s heart was warmed by Dolly’s endless imagination and friendly conversation. She had come to think of the doll as a genuine friend too.
When Dolly held her bones and slept, the witch wished she could hold her back.
The first time Dolly whispered, “I love you, Miss,” the witch’s thoughts responded in unison with her doll’s narration, “I love you too, Dolly.”
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myfandomrambles · 24 days ago
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What does 14 do when Donna dies? When Rose dies? When Rose’s children die? And more if he has 11th Doctor lifespan like on Trenzalore.
First of all Donna's 30-40ish remaining years isn't going to cut it to heal all of the trauma the doctor has been through.
He says in Wild Blue Yonder
DONNA: You okay? DOCTOR: I will be. DONNA: When? DOCTOR: A million years.
I'm sorry the best Somatic Experiencing and EMDR won't fix that many years of horrors that easily. I love analysing The Doctor through a C-PTSD & BPD lens but we do know that their brain takes in WAY more information than a normal person's and processes time differently. Multiple times were told Time Lord consciousness is bigger and more complicated than humans. Meaning dealing with trauma is going to be even harder.
And on top of that as I said with each Noble generation dying that's grief!! It has to be re-traumatizing for at least the loss, abandonment and alienation aspects of their trauma! Grief can be processed of course but losing generations of people like that you're alone.
Losing your best friend isn't easy (I know this) The Doctor is supposed to be okay after that short time (in Time Lord years) with this reactivation of the loss wound without any decompensation and again and again? Mel will die too! And Wilfred will die, the actor is already dead! What is The Doctor meant to fucking do with all this new loss when he's meant to be spending this time healing! By the time your on generation 3 your going fucking insane, or your just wandering earth running away, again.
Immortals (or in this case at least multi hundred year olds) don't do well just with regular mortals for company. He's not going to just heal and be okay. Like for all intents and purposes 15 should actually just have a new brand of loneliness related trauma. (Which he does seem to have some of)
Unless you're going to argue 14 for some reason has a human lifespan. Then we're just at his 30-40ish years just isn't enough to heal as stated above.
Anyway you slice it sure he has some happy years with Donna but it either way just isn't enough time to fix all his trauma or it isn't enough time because it's going to become a fucking new nightmare of loss.
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lostinvasileios · 11 months ago
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If nobody else will say it to you...
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No, no. Your deities aren't trying to abandon you, sweetheart. They're still there. They still love you. They still care and watch over you. Going through feelings of loneliness is normal, it's an inescapable thing with deity work most of the time, as unfortunate as it is, bee.
But, it's temporary.
It'll go away, just you wait.
Your deities will be so happy to see you overcome what you're going through. Your deities didn't forget you. How could they? Love isn't a forgettable feeling. Immortal, or mortal.
It's okay to cry, it's alright to feel weak without your deities at times. It's okay to feel so vulnerable to those you care so much about - like deities. No matter what happens, your tears are valid, the fear of being left behind or less-favored is valid. It happens. A lot more than you think.
You aren't alone, sweet friend. You're too loved to be alone. Even if you cannot hear them, feel them, or anything else, that doesn't mean they've suddenly began to hate you. That they've suddenly deemed you unworthy of their attention.
Breathe. Relax your muscles.
Ups and downs are apart of a strong, fulfilling journey.
Figure out how you feel about this situation when you're ready, do what you feel is best when you're ready, feel what you feel for now. That's enough. That's okay.
Everything will make sense one day. Everything will get into place. Everything will calm down eventually. You'll be okay.
A bad situation, a lonely situation, a sad moment, is never forever. It is not your entire life.
Happiness, is not forever either. But, that's why it's important to savor your moments with it. To do what brings happiness to you. Believe what feels best in your soul and heart. Cry and bawl to your deities, if that helps.
You're wanted. You're needed. You're loved and cared for. So much.
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heliomanteia · 2 months ago
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Hi! I've stumbled across a couple of your posts about Calypso and I just wanted to say that it was nice to see someone that thinks about her the same way that I do. She is deeply flawed and does things that are wrong, but she's also a whole person being used as a punishment by the gods for some random man they don't like very much. It's just so wonderful for me to see a person that can see her whole character instead of just her poor meow meow Odysseus potential
(like the rape headcanon which has a single (ONE SINGLE LINE) of evidence in the entire saga for. I'm so sick of people taking this character that probably doesn't even know what sex is and deciding that she's a rapist because she was in the original Odyssey. Literally no one else gets this treatment but her)
Hello, Epic!Calypso means a lot to me and every time I see an incessantly mean post about her I grow to like her more in defiance /lh
I feel a lot of ways about Calypso and I'm very biased because I resonate with her on some deep personal level. But also your ask allows me to rant and so I will:
🌊 I like Calypso as a character because she's complex. She has close to no known lore in the Odyssey and I choose to ignore other texts that mention her because, well, Epic is loosely based off the Odyssey. The musical expanded on the little personality she had in the text in a good way, in my opinion. She's more than a foil/functional narrative part she was in the original text.
🌴 I feel like you're making a good point by saying she probably doesn't know what sex is. While she's clearly an adult woman, she was supposedly imprisoned young (if you follow the general myth, then during Titanomachy) and it's never stated she had prior lovers. She probably has an idea of intimacy but no experience of intimacy. She's also not socialized properly. I would compare her experience to someone living in total isolation or solitary confinement. Of course her people skills are limited. She needs therapy, not public scrutiny.
🥥 Whether or not you believe immortal beings age and mature depends on the source but mythology (generally) offers us examples of growing up and becoming of Gods so I believe Calypso grew up on that island. Her saying she was imprisoned "when young" also kinda hints it imo. With that said, this girl might have as well spent her formative years alone. Loneliness has devastating effects on psyche, I'm surprised she's not deathly depressed. That is, if we choose a sympathetic route — which is what I choose to follow because Epic is overall written as a sympathetic narrative. If it wasn't, I'd just call Odysseus a war criminal that deserves all he got.
🐚 This one is controversial but I cannot help but feel sympathy for the way Calypso imagines a happily-ever-after and genuinely believes in that illusion. It reminds me a lot of how someone with a stigmatized mental disorder would view reality in a distorted way — and sometimes even hurt other people without meaning to hurt them. Toxic (this word is so overused), suffocating love? And from both of her songs we know she didn't mean to hurt Odysseus. Her actions were wrong, her reasonings convoluted, but she did not mean harm. She hurt him without an intention to hurt him and she can't see that she hurt him because her world rotates on completely different system of axis. You could say she understands she might have been wrong but she won't apologize for it.
🍹 I will never keep repeating that she's an immortal character that lacks human morality overall + she's never been around others before Odysseus. The way she's scrutinized for the same things other Gods across mythology do (most of whom are constantly around mortals and have a track of seducing them) is such a knee-jerk response it's funny.
Like I said before, I personally choose to interpret Calypso's "ambush" as at least somewhat physical, but at the end of the day it is an assumption/personal preference. You reminded me, though, how, hm, peculiar it is that she's so far the only character whose mythical counterpart overpowers her musical persona in the fandom about the musical. I appreciate that people are aware of the text of the Odyssey enough (I hope) but there has to be a limit to the complaining. Jorge works hard to create fleshed out characters for his own loosely inspired story that he fills in with his own narratives. I think it gets to the point of ridiculous when a fleshed out character is ignored in favor of a barely defined myth counterpart.
Her character didn't get absolved of the blame, she got two banger songs that completely align with her myth persona, literally what is that thing that makes people so mad about her. Because if it's personal distaste then it sure overpowered the ability to enjoy complicated narratives and characters that do not align with what the main character needs.
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