#what if it does again next year
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i use csp on my tablet all the time but tbh i'm kinda pissed that i pay yearly what i paid for the windows version on pc that i almost never open bc i can't get it to work smoothly (and my computer isn't the problem)... like.. i know about the updates and ok, do that if you've concluded that it's the best for you, but i wish there was a one time puchase option if you don't care about all the updates bc, tbh i probably use 10% of csp's potential mdrr...
but i definitely can't do everything i need to do with just procreate so :I
anyways.. it's been the same thing forever, i've never been able to find ONE software that has it all, and i just have to use 3 (and another one i don't pay for 🙄)
[i was gonna say that in the tags but !!!! try csp for free before you buy it !!!!!!!!!!!!! just asking around isn't enough... see if your pc can run it, and if you can get the pens to work smoothly first !!!]
#i bought paint tool sai bc it's been my fave software since i've started drawing digitally#but i use version 1 bc i don't like version 2's brushes#i bought csp for windows on sale back when i was drawing on pc only but could never get the pen pressure to get correct and the software to#run smoothly#also being used to sai's minimalist layout#csp's is hell to me... even after making it as light as i could#then i got my tablet#bought procreate#got too limited about post-editing#tried csp and have been using it a lot but of course it's subscription#ok i draw a lot so i don't feel the cost of procreate and sai but this year#csp's ios subscription went up#what if it does again next year#anyways i'm just poor#nanabim
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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i really wanted to draw a different character next, but then season 2 introduced me to evil goth virginia, and. well. (check the tags for the updated version!)
#dear listeners#eidolon#eidolon playtest#eidolon rock#virginia valentine#this is what i was talking abt btw. how the fuck does it look this good i seriously can't believe it.#anyway. i should start up a new art tag if i'm drawing again#my old one is a dumb reference and it's basically all four year old homestuck art#moonsetter art#<- i am uncreative#prolly gonna draw lady luck (s1 or 2 i'm undecided) next but depending on fun s2 moments i might go for someone else#edited to fix some very minor gripes and stray pixels
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one big thing I’ve learned by 29 is that the Plan, the God’s Plan of it all I mean, is bigger than me and not just bigger than me but also bigger than my understanding of narrative threads and their limitations. And it’s bigger even than just a simple paradox, turning-on-their-head thing way of being bigger. It’s just so vast. And there is so much room for surprise and possibility and hope in that reality.
#again. idk if that makes sense#but I am someone obsessed with the patterns and what the patterns are telling me#and it’s like. sometimes nothing! but also sometimes something!#there is no way to predict what will happen or what will be presented to me or what will unfold#both personally and in a more big picture way#based on what I feel or what I know or what I have already experienced#there are hundreds and millions of different possible combinations#I am making this sound more profound than the revelation is (and also more vague)#but I love to be like ‘oh being this way means THIS thing and this kind of thing always happens to this kind of person’#and actually. it just doesn’t?????? a million different things could happen and do happen every day that are unlikely and unpredictable#even when you think you’ve accounted for that by looking for the unexpected you still can’t tell#and I love that. used to hate that the future was shrouded in mystery#and I still sometimes do. but I am growing to love it#uncertainty and just the sheer not knowing feels better#and God IS surprising. life is surprising!#THAT I feel like I know#every day of my life I wake up and I pry open the blinds and I look out and say.#what is going to happen today#like I do kind of do that a little#or maybe it’s more. what has the night brought.#and you know what the world is so wide. not in terms of me being able to go anywhere travel-wise#or do anything dream-wise. but in terms of what can and DOES unfold every single day/week/month/year.#there are surprises in store! folded tucked away around the next corner#like I just.#I’m getting carried away but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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this
#💝#HE SCREAMED AT YOU???#hbhhnfhhbbggggggfgggg i know it was said in shock at what the boss was doing#rather than in shock that the boss did that TO PIM but hhfvrvgghgfghgggggfrf#i love this entire beginning scene just with them so much………. the contrast between this and their first interaction in the pilot#charlie is so clearly invested in what pim is saying and he 100% believes him and agrees with him#not to say he’s EVER been an outward jerk toward him cuz he hasn’t but Man. this is. yeah#i know this is like the episode where they split for this season im guessing#as in just for this one episode and then they’re together again for the rest#but this and the way charlie seemed to like. get More stressed out and afraid when he noticed pim approaching the boss at the end#man is that more than enough for me#literally this could be it for the next 2 years like what happened with season 1 and id be literally fine#Sigh#god i’m So Excited#also the little jazz hands pim does to signal screaming.. I love you I love you I love you i love love love you ilove you so muc pim pimlin
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Tress scratched the best itch for me, I’ve been craving a good fairy tale and it was just perfect. I kept slipping so hard into the fairy tale aspects that I kept getting caught by surprise whenever a cosmere thing stopped beating around the bush and revealed itself, actually. While I’m sure that wasn’t fully the intention, it was a really fun way to read some brandermansanderman coming fresh off of sunlit man and how intensely locked in I was with the Connections. Genuinely Tress is such a fun little romp. I love girls who sail in fucked up seas and this is a genre I want more of please thank you.
#it was so much fun I did have my suspicions about a few things because of fairy tale tropes but I didn’t get all of them!#I was taken by surprise by many things!#not...not the glowing woman being elantrian I did get that one especially with the floor map#I wonder if that changes actually#like does her cockship make aon-Connecting maps of the places she goes to so she can fuck around with locals?#what’s with space travel resulting in callus dicks manipulating the local planetary populations?#is this related to one of the many groups fucking about with the cosmere or is it just the nature of the people funding these excursions?#will zellion ever have sex?#all these questions and more to be added next year in bransandermanderson strikes again part five of ten alphabet assemble#I want to see the other seas now though ): the worlds are so cool that I’m never quite ready to say goodbye#I want to linger between the pages and sift the words between my fingers like sun-warmed sand#it feels too soon to say goodbye#cosmere#tress of the emerald sea#tress of the emerald sea spoilers
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i wish i had more energy to draw and plot lately i NEED to make the insane daemoverse flowisk situationship real. i need you guys to see my vision
#they're the only ones that understand each other they're the only ones marred from the same mistakes#nobody else can understand the way save power changes you and they don't know how to live with it afterwards#but hell if they're not going to stick around each other to see what happens next#there's a chara shaped hole carved into both of their chests and they want it back they can't bear being alone again. but they have to#and so they cling to each other. because who else will understand?#and they are FREAKS!!!!!!!#a freak and a frea(s)k#also it's been like 12 years since the barrier broke. what does it mean to grow up after you spent so long stuck in stasis#what does it mean to Change and develop past the solidity of what you thought you were#also they're really stupid roommates frisk keeps eating raw ramen blocks to avoid doing the dishes#they have one of those mad detectives corkboard with the red string going everywhere which is almost impossible to walk through#because flowey handles it and he keeps ignoring the fact that he's 2ft tall while frisk. isn't. lol#also the corkboard is 70% investigation and 30% them bickering about stupid bullshit as commentary#the post it situation in the flat is insane#daemoverse#frisk#flowey
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS💚🎉
i’m feeling very normal about the end of the onlyfans calendar
#i’ll never get over this#i can’t help but feel so sad that it’s over#i don’t know how to go back to regular life#not waiting every day for the post to drop and screaming about it with everyone#this has made my december so much fun and way hornier than i could have ever imagined#i can’t wait for his new years performance and to see what he does next#i hope he’ll do it again next year🙏💚#käärijä#khäärijä of#khäärijä calendar#day 24
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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me, stubborn asf: why the hell do you keep trying to change your narrative the earrings are samatoki related drama no matter what points you can concede we’ve been thinking this since 2018 stop—
brain unable to stop thinking about ichiro’s earrings: okay but he and samatoki were on a team for a while before he got those piercings and got them only after kuukou left and kuukou similarly changed his prayer beads after he left ichiro they used to be all black but he added two red beads on them it can’t be a coincidence if iT LINES UP SO WELL—
#this is vee speaking#me stuck in my ways: THEY REVEALED ICHIRO HAD EARRINGS ON THE BB VS MTC COVER ITS SAMATOKI RELATED#me ichikuu-pilled: AND WHAT OF IT???? ICHIROS REMOVED ALL PIECES OF THE ERA WHERE HE WAS WITH KUUKOU SO WHY CANT THE EARRINGS BE PART OF IT#i am highkey dying rn thinking about ichiro and kuukou’s designs again lol#like the way they were the only duo to match back in the day seems to have carried on even tho they’ve been very far apart for years lol#and like the thing about ichiro’s earrings maybe being related to kuukou would fall in line with ichiro’s feelings at the time#like he lost kuukou before he could properly admit to himself just how much kuukou’s friendship meant to him#so kuukou matched his red bandana???? what if he decided to match kuukou’s earrings a little and made them red too????#all this to say i still wish he would put them back in LOL like if hypmic does me a solid and gives me duo battles for the 3rd drb#i think it would be next to THE ABSOLUTE FCKING SHIT if they let ichiro wear them bc he’s partnered up with bat lol#we found out he had them once the beef started???? well for the (presumably) final beef he can put them back in—
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I could write a whole essay about how Victor Vale and Kell Maresh are two sides of the same coin, opposites yet somehow similar when it comes to their relationship with pain
#kell maresh#victor vale#adsom#vicious#to be fair I have not read Vengeful yet so idk if that adds some key details to this topic or not but#Victor basically died a horribly painful death and then came back to never feel any again#it was by his own decision out of curiosity and hunger for power and foolishness but oh it was agonising#so much so that it irrevocably marked the rest of his life#Kell suffered an injury because of sheer bad luck just an unlucky turn of events while trying to save the whole world#and he spent the next seven years in unbearable pain any time he tried to use his power#he saved someone he loved and defied the laws of life itself to do it because he could not bear to lose that person#and in exchange forever lives with experiencing not only his own pain but that of that other person too#books#shrews ramblings#here I listed more the ways in which they're opposites but you see#they're the same in how pain shaped them both#pain does things to you that don't always pass when the feeling itself is over#idk idk I'm emotional about them#actions and consequences and the cruel hand of fate#and what it means to be human and what it means to be rid of the thing that made you who you are#hmmm for Victor 'he came back to never feel any pain again' is per se inaccurate but you get what I mean!!!#he has complete control over pain#both his own and that of others#Kell has none
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Me, to friend: don't you hate it when you have those days where your heart is just mad and it beats REALLY hard at random moments, even when you're just sitting there, like not FAST but really hard and it is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE for no reason? Friend: you know that's not normal right??? Me: you mean that doesn't happen to you? Friend: NO, IT DOES NOT. Me: ...please hold. *five minutes later* Me: so I talked to my mother and this might in fact be a highly hereditary genetic issue that both her and my grandma and my great grandma all had, who knew??? Anyway I need to see a doctor and I might need heart medication. Friend: YA THINK?
#it's discovering my nut allergy all over again#me as i'm munching snowball cookies with walnuts in them: 'ha ha don't you guys hate that weird burn walnuts give your mouth?'#friends: DROP THE FUCKING SNOWBALL THIS INSTANT YOU HAVE A NUT ALLERGY#apparently the heart doing this is not actually normal#i just thought everyone had days like this#like don't worry i'm not going to keel over but internet was like 'yeah you need to watch for this if it's in your family'#mom was only diagnosed like 2 years ago and my grandma had it too and it apparently goes undiagnosed usually#because of *exactly* what i was doing#which was going#'well. it's not painful just uncomfortable so I'll wait and see if it goes away'#and then it does the next day so you forget about it#and consider it just a Weird Thing That Occasionally Happens
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this is WILD
#team emmy for hannah...we ride again next year🫡#can you imagine being nominated with meryl streep and carol burnett!! i bet hannah is losing it dhsjckskmd#hacks hbo#hacks#...out of all of these roles i feel like hannah does deserve it most but what chance will she win 😭#gendered categories are just fucked cause she's the second lead and she gave such a great performance this season#also i appreciate paul being nominated cause he was HILARIOUS this season
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as someone who isnt super excited for sotm for certain reasons I am really glad that like. it's clear that since ruin theyve been setting up for carnival and sotm IS carnival. so now that carnival is finally coming out, afterwards theyll be moving on to other plotlines since the main villain stuff is sorted out
I'm just rlly happy to finally see a clear direction for how the story is gonna be playing out with like "okay these games were leading up to this so after this will be open possibilites" instead of like. absolutely no info about each upcoming game and being left guessing before it releases and just having to wait and see what's in it and if anything you're looking forward to will be in it
it feels like they have a plan and a solid direction for what they're trying to do and after carnival releases thatll be all that buildup coming to fruition. & we already know from the Scott interview that theres another release 'beyond sotm' that's 'super exciting' so maybe thatll be focusing on another big currently untouched (which is basically all of them) plotline, or even the big campaign game that dawko has been calling security breach 2
#even if i dislike how theyve been handling this whole mimic cassies dad factory mapbot bonnie bully stuff#the past like 2 releases 3 after sotm#after watching johns theory video it really does feel like stuff was more purposeful with thought put into it when u plug in cassies dad#even if the plot of him being behind mxes and trapping mimic is pushing other more important characters aside#its probably what happened and accepting that makes the story at least seem more thought out#it did make me feel better about it bc like. it at least feels like theyre cooking#like what theyre working on DOES have a direction and a plan and it isnt just random stuff like how it felt when hw2 came out#i might still think that the stuff theyve been doing the past few releases is boring af and uninteresting#compared to earlier concepts like focusing on vanny and the possession aspects and sentient glamrocks#(we could see more of it with freddy if theyd let him come back ever)#but like. at least it has thought put into it and feels like theyre actually trying to set shit up for something#like sotm is an ORIGIN#the tagline was 'sometimes you have to understand the past to see the future'#at the end of the day sotm is a setup for a campaign thatll take place in present day anf#even if its taking ten thousand years to get there im excited for it#aka its taken a long time to tell this story setup of cassies dad and mimic and shit and it might be boring for some people#(me)#but at the end of the day its meant to be setup explaining the past of why mimic exists (even if that's already in tbe books)#so after we 'understand' it we can get back to present day#and focus on its current victims vanessa gregory cassie etc#cassies dad is 100% dead if hw2s protag is him so he woukdnt be relevant anymore. just another character thing to serve cassie#im just saying like after sotm its wide open for getting back to the plot#and i think its actually right to say that bc like all of this has been setup. if hw2 protag is cassies dad its a prequel to ruin#so rn ruin is the most recent game in the timeline. meaning the next game that takes place in current tjme will focus on the current mains#Gregory cassie vanessa#sorry for fnaf plot posting again ive been thinking about it a lot the past few days#thought id balance some negative ive posted with a positive since im feeling better about it myself :)#one day we're gonna be so back and its gonna be great#its just gonna be a long annoying wait lmao#thoughts
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A slightly older boy but still a good one- Data and Lore!
#feel like I've already figured out a lot more of what I'm doing with digital art since this piece even tho this is what#a year and a half old?#i dont even remember tbh#still like this piece tho i think it's fun#star trek#star trek tng#star trek the next generation#tng#data#lore#android#st tng#data soong#once again editing to add in my art tag since i keep forgetting#sam does star trek#radicalbears draws
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Just finished dndads s2 finale and feeling very normal about all the characters
#I mean gothcleats was nice#but why did Freddie decide to rush Taylor at the end#though it was in character for Taylor so🤷#just felt a little off is all#also Normal just not being okay at all makes me feel like we need a spin-off#that or something to do with his 20 years away#I’m excited to see what they’ll do for next season#Freddie or Beth as one shot dms would be great#the winning method would just be appealing to them via references#puppies#and cool stuff#point is: I’m sad about Normal curious about gothcleats married life#like is Jerry aware that his father is from the past#does he know his mother can literally send someone to hell#also what happened with earth and faerune#did they switch everyone#was there an effort towards rehabilitation#so many questions#dndads s2#dndads spoilers#dndaddies#oh also#I love doodler and I need them to appear again
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