#what if im abnormal about him. what then

[jun6bugs]

i want to go home

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

i feel like when people say "katsuki won't change for you" they mean it like, completely and literally. but tbh i really really don't see it like that.

like yeah, he will never change his personality for anybody. he's still him because if you liked him romantically you'd already know what he's like. but he'd most definitely change his behaviour towards you. ofc im not trynna say he's gonna like do a whole 180 and kiss the ground you walk n shit but like..you're still his partner,, does that make sense ?? like it always confuses me when ppl say stuff like " he wont give you any special treatment he'll treat you like he treats everyone" and to me its like..no.., y'know ?😭 like at the end of the day you are still his partner. you're dating and he loves you so why would he treat you like some rando.

at most i see him like being awkward at the beginning of the relationship when its still new cus he doesnt know what to do (lol loser) but i still know he'd very much try. cus thats the thing youre not just a random you're his person. you're his one and he's obv gonna show you that because otherwise whats the point

m not sayin he's perfect, he's gonna mess up at some points maybe be a bit snappy because that's just how he is and you know that, you knew that when you got with him. BUT you still love him and he still very much loves you and he shows you that and he tries to make it up to you because you're different and he CARESSS!!! thats my whole thing!!!

[digitalcarcrash]

thinking about alex being a hardcore pacifist pre-operator, yeah sure he's bitchy to everyone more often than not but Physically he wouldn't hurt a fly, only for him to wind up breaking one of his best friend's leg with a block of cement

[werchezdeeno]

aoughhhh argenti quest...how to be the most capable but cringefail at the same time? Hes the master at them simultaneously.

the way he rlly wanted to see wubbaboo 🥺

and i find his relationship with velite very...interesting. during the whole quest it felt like smth happened between them (?) Im not sure how to describe it. The thing abt hsr is time is only convenient to the story. Weeks will pass and the reader wont be informed. Exactly how many days were we in the sting or wtv it was? Definitely more than one day. I might have thought otherwise if velite was not part of the quest, but his behavior says more time has passed. He starts with annoyance than near the end feels affection towards Argenti. He talks as if they have gotten a lot closer over the course of the quest, which further soldified my thoughts. How much time passed from the events of the quest and Argenti's mssgs? Obviously quite a bit since Velite changed careers during this time and how Argenti helped.

Overall the quest was pretty cool, but it would've been so much better if they just added a scene like "___ days later..." or smth like that. Or "the next day". The timing kinda threw me off since it didnt take very long but felt as it should have.

But what himeko said at the end kinda made me sad for argenti. He's essentially looking for something that can't be found. Or maybe idrila can idk how aeons work.

[habeascorpseus]

thinks about "you would kill me?" "i would kill for you. never you," and cellbit's love language being destruction.

thinks about how cellbit will go to any length of self destruction for those he loves. thinks about him not sleeping for months, drinking coffee obsessively, until he's eventually too tired even to boil it and thus begins resorting to eating coffee beans, so he could keep himself sane. thinks about cellbit running from a bear with a chainsaw, and being forced to talk to him as a subordinate for months afterwards. thinks about him pushing people away so theyd let him destroy himself for the federation, unsure if the information he gathered would even be worth it. thinks about the slow death of the self, how much time one can spend running before they collapse from exhaustion, the love in demanding your family eat your corpse.

and then... thinks about outward destruction. thinks about broken trust in the form of an unusable xp machine. thinks about broken hearts in the form of custody battles. corpses with ciphers scribbled in blood left for long lost sisters who don't get it, not yet. badboyhalo describes cellbit pulling a knife on someone when he jokingly asks him to as less personal, and more like a dog being told to play fetch. thinks about him plunging into ravines and caves to kill bad's enemies as bad followed behind, being the first of them to die for bad's victory. thinks about "keep your hands clean." cats bring their owners dead birds out of concern for them being fed, cellbit brings enigmas and bodies because it's all the damage he can do. in a life shaped by violence, how else do you show loyalty than through a willingness to hunt for those who arent strong enough, to kill unthinkingly when they ask? it terrifies his family, but it's all he has left to give.

there are so many parallels between felps' kidnapping arc and the current one. the difference is in how many people are also at their breaking point and couldn't afford to see their rock crumbling. cellbit's mind was the bright light for every damn person on the server who had questions, and at this point, that number is all of them. and no matter where he looks, how much he wants to save them, there are no answers. there is no satisfying conclusion. if only he could go home at night and sleep soundly without thinking about the evidence of his failure to protect anyone resting beneath his feet. there are only more dead ends, more wheels, more humiliation, more degradation of his sanity as he's unable to sleep. his family has been picked off and the remainder have picked apart his corpse to scraps of marrow and flesh and are still starving, too terrified to hunt for themselves. what a blessing that cellbit's hands are already bloodied, and he's angry enough to tear apart the wardens for them to feast.

[discountsoysauce]

Yall might have to bare with me on this one I'm not great at articulating my thoughts and although I'm neurodivergent I really don't have the proper terms to explain myself here

But like

Okay so it's very obvious that Eli is not neurotypical. I don't want to really get into specific diagnoses because I very much do not want to fall into the serial killer = mental disorder trope. It's a shitty trope and very harmful when handled poorly, especially with Cluster B personalities. Under no circumstances am I saying that Eli's mental condition is the cause of him being a serial killer. I am in fact trying to say the opposite.

TW for discussion of abuse and ableism

Basically, the crux of my argument lies with Eli's flashbacks in Vengeful, specifically when it comes to his father.

Eli mentions that the abuse started when he was around 9 years old because his father saw "the devil" in his eyes.

Eli's age at the time is very important. 9 years old. A literal child. Eli has done nothing wrong at this point aside from exist, and yet his father sees something wrong with him. It's possible that it was intended for Eli to have truly had some "evil" inside of him from the beginning, but it is far far more likely that Eli's father saw some kind of behavior out of the norm (we see that Eli was not a very expressive child. He had to learn all of those behaviors later on) and concluded that it hinted at some "hidden evil". We see those ideas reflected in our own society all the time, with apathy or lack of expression in face or vocal tone can be misconstrued or depicted as evil or heartless.

Eli was never evil or a bad kid. He was 9 years old. There was no devil in his eyes, he simply expressed himself in a way that was considered abnormal.

There's more I could say on this but I've run out of brain power. If anyone has any insight or ways they relate to Eli that they're comfortable talking about or even criticisms, I'm very open to discussion.

[ben-man]

Text:

"you hate this photo, your mother kisses it when she goes to sleep, she kisses it like a rosary. she holds it like a prayer. she asks herself where you went. she tries to forgive herself for not knowing one day would be the last you smiled wide enough to scrunch your nose up. she forgives herself for not remembering it. you hate yourself. you hate the way the fat on your body rolls and undulates, you know the flesh on your bones in this picture must be an illusion, its unbefitting of g-d."

"your father asked you to do a second photo 'with a nice smile this time'. you want him to be happy, and smile when he sees you."

"when they bury you it is in a closed casket, they tell your mother what you have done. she can't hear them over the way you laughed in 1991. her baby is 5. 5 and still growing."

[flugame-mp3]

what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.

[triglycercule]

alright!!!! kitchen CLEANED ‼️ carry on PACKED ‼️ now i just need to do my homework and then maybe take a really really really quick (4 hour long) nap before dinner/online class. then i will grind on the silly silly why did i decide to do this animation meme/animatic until 3 am hits and i've gotta hit the port. the AIRport :3

in exchange for my incredible unprecedented productiveness i made this little doodle just now. i'm actually a liar i did this in school but still

[zeebreezin]

Vincent Beverley has to stay dead forever otherwise there’s nothing that could stop me from putting him in the stupidest crop tops known to man. And then the wild vivisection scar would be showing. And then what? Total collapse of society, that’s what. So he must stay dead.

[19871997]

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[boatemboys]

loving jimmys amanda stream. closing my ears every time he says he hates amanda.

[crazyw3irdo]

i was just thinking to myself how funny it is that a lot of ppl on tumblr know me cause of posting about nightwing when i consider myself normal about him as opposed to the many characters i am not normal about but then i remembered i have this album

[absoluteconceptofbeauty]

one downside of my mom starting therapy is she keeps thinking and asking things like What if instead of x your childhood was more like y would you be happier this way did i raise you well or not did i hurt you did it affect you when i said this and did that and do you remember bla bla event do you think it had an effect on you. Woman I'M not in therapy because I do not want to think abt all that

[alistairs]

Hello! Question: are you comfortable with hornytagging on Varemundt's content? Asking for a friend

fuck yea go wild

[mrfoox]

I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow

Curse it all