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enderspawn · 3 years ago

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It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

#dream smp #mcyt #techno #syndicate analysis #YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT #also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible #lemme know what yall think #ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG #I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ #its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now #answered #anon #im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL #/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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slidewhistlebj · 4 years ago

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TUA Season 2 is finally here! I think it was a really cool season with some really awesome potential, but there are some parts that I think really didn’t work and this is how i think they should have been fixed

(Spoilers for Season 2 of the Umbrella Academy. Obviously)

i think landing the siblings in different years was amazing, they got time to explore themselves and we could see their personalities through what they did

On the other hand, they didnt devote enough time to those storylines so it never felt like they had a solid purpose (for most of the siblings), it was more to show “time has passed”

How did Luther end up boxing under a gangster? How is he adjusting to no dad, no academy?? He was alone on the moon, He was left behind by his siblings in the academy, now he is alone and in a whole other *time* like i wanna hear about that!

Klaus has mansion and a cult and had a girlfriend benefactor lady?? Like: lets get into that! if the show wants humor that can be amazing

but it can also be really interesting and deep for exploring klaus’s need for both personal space (physically and somewhat emotionally) yet also his need for positive attention from whoever will give it to him!

More on that alone now track: the opening scene with their fighting was built to get us hyped

it fucking worked, that shit was amazing

but along with wishing that we saw more of their individual stories, i wish some of their growth had been gradual

like Klaus should have been showing off ghost stuff with his cult which is part of why they follow him which would set up his new ability to summon and conjure multiple ghosts at a time

instead of it being a throw away scene at the end where he gets caught

or Diego could have been shown in his ‘alone in dallas’ storyline to be trying to escape multiple times from the asylum and in that, figuring out his ability to start affecting other peoples shots at him, etc

Stuff like that would have been a great way to both dive into the characters *and* ramp up their abilities

Moving onto The Commission who i absolutely love so so much

Hell yeah u funky lil time-space assassins

I think that the Handler should have stayed dead

her return to the show while awesome (because she is played so well by her actress) continues this problem for the show of seemingly running in place where things dont have consequences like they should

I also think her return made a very campy feel to certain parts which is fine, the story should have fun! but it doesnt fit with the vibe very well with the other more serious plots

Imagine a storyline where the Handler is replaced by Carmichael, a competent replacement with no close personal relationship to Five

A head to head show down throughout the season of Five trying to outthink and outwit Carmichael and Commission Agents to get a briefcase

The misdirects!

The drama!

The action sequences and reveals!

More Screen Time for the Cool Ass Talking Fish 2k20!

All of which culminates in the board of directors scene but now with real weight behind it for the audience because we have been watching these two face off with one another for a season of build up

LET FIVE EAT THE FISH!

Giving that scene to the handler was the worst part of the whole season, u cant change my mind bros

This would also open up Lila to be more of her own person

Her storyline would change without the Handler there so that instead of being actively manipulated by the Handler, she has gone rogue from the commission to kill Five for her parents deaths due to previous planning and programming from her mother

(its only been 14 days for Five, a very normal turn around for him to desert, have the Handler tell Lila her version of the story, get killed, and have Lila get ready to take him down)

its generally the same plot, but Lila is more in the drivers seat

Going from tagging along with Diego in the hopes that Five returns for him to questioning some of her commitment to her mission as she spending time with them, etc

it could culminate in a reveal of her mother to Five and Diego and then a redemption where she helps them get a case from Carmichael in someway, looping her into the main plot in an important way with generally the same story

but skipping the pretty basic “obviously evil character is obviously evil but hero doesn't see it” trope that they fell into

I think that Luther’s arc in this season was awesome 10/10 gold standard

he was still him, but this storyline showcases the softer side of his loyalty and lets him grow from season 1 mistakes which is everything I hoped for

Comforting Vanya? Check

Being there for Five? Check

Being a voice of reason but still being a dumbass? Cheeeeeck

Diegos arc this season fell flat for me which was hard because he was such a main part of the plot

This whole season had a build-up trying to break down Diego’s need to be a hero (which they turned to a fucking 11 from last season?? he was not *this* intense last season, im not quite sure why they made the switch), telling him that he isnt / cant be the hero

I assumed this was leading to Diego having a big moment or sacrifice that proved that hero or not, he cares and the effort that he puts into all of these different things matters

But it just didnt??

He didnt stop the president from being assassinated, he didnt save vanya, at the farm he got trapped under a tractor

it just felt like the point was “haha see he isnt a hero”

which,,,,,,okay? What the point of that??

His involvement with the Commision was weird too, i didnt care for him being a part of that storyline very much, it just didnt add anything

Allison’s arc was just on the edge of greatness for me

it was an awesome choice to put in her in a position where she wasnt treated equally and show exactly what kind of person she is by how she fights back

her not using her rumors also seems very genuine and character based here like: 10/10 character motivations and work

My one complaint, like with just about all the partners in this season, is that she fell in love with a man and just had to leave him

which makes sense and they talk about it but like: she loves him, its hard to picture someone as loving and loyal as Allison just leaving her husband behind forever

Klaus’s arc just needed more *time*

He is a hella deep character but all of his story lines needed more time to be able to address that complexity

Show us more of the cult and his ghost powers being used there to trick and amaze and how he has been handling being cut off from the family again

I,,,,,,I understand,,,dave’s storyline

I get the time period

but fuck

that just hurts

I think Klaus not trying to rekindle his relationship with a younger Dave, but trying to protect him from the war was an amazing angle and it needed more time to get the full punch of klaus pulling out all the stops to save him but failing to really land it

Five

My Son

My Trash Boy

I feel like his job as ‘leader of the stop the apocalypse’ movement is good but that was his whole story this time around

He should have gotten more to play off of with the Commission (*cough cough* Carmichael) in his fight to get a briefcase instead of what felt like 10 hours of Five trying to herd his siblings and them just fucking up in someway or another

Five and Older Five was a cool dynamic and im glad they brought him in but again, it just felt like another long storyline attempt that didnt have a purpose as they ended the scene without the case or anything new

Ben’s arc was,,,,,strange

I love Ben and i think his interplay with Klaus is really cool!

But the writers made him fall in love which someone so they could give him a reason to want to possess Klaus which i feel like didnt need to happen

The possession was a good part of the season and could have been taken to some awesome places

It was rough and the ‘consent’ wasnt run entirely well but i think the possession is supposed to be on the line and not quite black and white

its Ben asking to take control of Klaus! That can be conflict! Thats good stuff right there! Ben is selfish! so is Klaus! thats a cool story to get into between them and see how they try to work it out

Ben wanting to connect with his other siblings after the small taste of being corporeal that he got and pushing Klaus for more and more of that freedom into possession territory would be A+ shit

and Finally: Vanya!

I think most amnesia plots are lazy and just a way to stall progress and reset a character so you can run a very similar plot again but this one seemed to genuinely grow Vanya’s character, even when she remembered

She definitely has more personality in this season

And while shes quiet, thats just who she is, she isnt as afraid to take space and speak up which is awesome!

And this stays when she gets her memory back which is very good, i dont want to see backsliding for no reason! Give me growth!

I have two complaints about her storyline though

First Sissy and Harlan

I love both of them and I think they are really cool characters!

Theyre pretty similar to vanya season 1, taking whatever is thrown at them which places Vanya in a more assertive position where she wants to protect them which i loved!

but their ending doesn't sit entirely right with me, just like Raymonds

These characters are in love and they all just leave each other so that the siblings can have a clean, no characters permanently added slate for the next season

it just makes me tired and i really want season 3 to have little to no romance if the only way the show can go about it is to do a love interest per season

My second problem gets its own section because it is the culmination of everything else i have said

episode ten

Vanya is strong af so any writer that wants big final fight needs to very carefully weigh out how to give each sibling their appropriately sized struggle so they get equal ability to contribute

Instead of doing that though, they did my least favorite trope: Evil Character secretly can do everything the heros can but better and without a problem or ***training***

It meant that they could do whatever they wanted with throwing commission agents at them because Luther, Allison, and Klaus were completely added on just to react to things

Five sort of got to do some fighting (<3 thats my lil geriatric 13 year old) but it was minor, he was mainly there to very obviously turn back time when the big bad shoot out happened

Diego got the most to do out of the siblings and it was suddenly knowing a new ability and doing it a little bit

I dont want a final fight to be trying to woo a bad guy to the good side because theyre too strong to fight

I want there to be stakes and drama as the siblings show off exactly what the season was all about, what they learned, how they grew together and apart, etc and to take down the big bad which could have very easily been the united front of the Commission instead of 18% Vanya, 15% Harlan, 30% Lila and the Handler, 20% the Swede(s), etc

Lila’s turn to good could have been to help them sneak attack the commission, maybe in their base so as to shrink the fighting to manageable bites for each character?

That would have allowed five’s killing of the board to draw the fighting to a close, a hard decision for him as he is trying to move away from killing but does so to save his family, always to save his family :’(

Luther could protect his siblings from hits like they showed at the beginning in a way that mirrors how he has been doing that emotionally all season

etc etc etc for all of the siblings so that they each get to show off and have their moment in the spotlight as heros

I loved the season even though i just ranted for like 3 pages, and it has some of the best one liners and line readings ever (”Thats where you come in Five” “Nope. No it isnt”) I just wish that some parts of it had been given some more thought / care so they could really show of the amazing cast, effects, sets, etc without writing in the way

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years ago

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ani....morphs.....

ok so picking up after the david trilogy, which hit hard as FUCK, we have book 23, which basically was a semi truck that ran over my corpse, jesus christ, they really followed up the david trilogy w/all that....

23 was so so good and also painful. its the culmination of a lot of tobias’s characterization in the series thus far and also we finally get the reveal we’ve been waiting for about elfangor....ooooh man

and there was a lot of painful stuff in this book but the worst imo was tobias wondering if it were possible that somebody wanted him and would take care of him, only to have it all come crashing down in the worst way when it turned out aria was visser three in morph, ouch.

that was so brutal augh. and when he figured it out and just crash landed and kept thinking about how he wanted to die and how he was stupid to think he could have a home...bro get these kids some THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah that book was absolutely brutal but also so good...and it further fleshed out the animorphs working as a near-flawless team, w/the whole setup of tobias meeting w/the lawyer being so airtight and well-planned

also more free hork bajir!! its cool that there's stuff happening w/them offscreen, I like that

I literally had to take a break from reading the books bc the david triology + 23 was like so much, and also bc the olympics were on and all my time got dedicated to watching those, but then I opened 24, not sure what to expect, and BAM it was the helmacrons lmaoooo

I don't even remember the helmacrons but ig a lot of people hate them? lmao so that whole reputation preceded the book and I was like oh wow time for a change in tone

which wasn't wrong but also I liked that book?? I was never bored, even tho the whole thing was patently ridiculous and also had very little bearing on the overarching story

but I think it would be a standout if it were a TV episode w/a good budget - the visuals were amazing even in text, and I can imagine all the cool shrinking/growing/cellular stuff would be WICKED cool visually (ideally 2d animation but an ant man-esque live action adaptation wouldn't be terrible if they had the budget for it)

whatever let me dream. so yeah I didn't hate the helmacron book even tho the helmacrons themselves were...sure something. lmao I think they come back? that should be interesting

next book is the arctic one, we have yet another alien of the week style adventure - I liked this one too, it felt like more plot-y stuff happened since they destroyed the base, and marco’s POV is always fun

I do find it funny/interesting how sometimes when the animorphs do something - like in this book, destroying that base in the arctic - it doesn't really seem to impact the yeerks much/it doesn't get brought up much after that. and then other things like them destroying the ground-based kandrona get mentioned a lot (that example is understandable tho bc that WAS a big deal). its just hilarious to me how blowing up entire building complexes has become so routine that it isn’t even worth mentioning at this point

Also I adore when they meet other random people/kids and are chill w/them, like w/that kid they met in the rain forest earlier on w/the time travel

the descriptions of the brutally cold weather were great. I hate the cold so I was like oof this is a nightmare lmao

also ig that was the first ghostwritten book and I did kinda notice it was slightly different than usual? maybe? I could be imagining it tho

okay but book 26 tho...BOOK 26. bruh

that was SO good and I really didn’t know what to expect - but when we finally revisited Jake’s dream w/crayak I knew it was gonna be good (but I didn’t expect it to be a chess game war epic..!)

basically I loved it. SUCH a good Jake book - I really appreciate his character now as opposed to when I was 10 and often overlooked him (sorry jake).

similarly, when I was a kid and read these I sympathized a lot w/the chee and felt bad for them towards the end of the series when they had to get more involved in the war (genuinely don’t remember what they even do but ik I felt bad)

but now I've basically 180′d and I'm like damn those chee sure are hypocrites huh.

like they could solve So many of the animorphs problems but their stringent adherence to nonviolence leads to them actively getting in the animorphs way sometimes? and obviously pacifism is a complicated topic, but in this case it also intersect w/the whole ‘child soldier’ thing, and as beings who are insanely old and wise, the chee probably shouldn't just leave all the dirty work to a bunch of literal middle schoolers

aaaaanyways. there’s so much I love about this book. the iskoort! they were sure something. and the ‘plot twist’ that they are actually 2 beings, the Isk and the Yoort - and the Yoort are essentially Yeerks - that slapped. the symbiosis of it all!

I loved the part where they all realize what this means, that this is why Crayak wants the iskoort destoryed - because someday the yeerks might come across them and realize parasitism is not the only way. I love it!

alas I don’t recall the iskoort returning in the story (but also my memory is terrible so who knows?) but still that would be cool

basically I feel like this is the book where Jake Truly comes into his own as a leader, in every sense. he outmaneuvers Crayak, and even the ellimist, who’s yanking them around in his own way

the scene where jake shoves the howler off the cliff and jumps off and morphs and acquires the howler...that was fantastic and tense.

also the murder is definitely becoming more overt. I mean, it has been for a while, but it isn’t really pointed out as much anymore. oof

more on the chee - as Jake points out in this book, and other characters point out in other books - the chee could have saved the pemalites, but instead just stood by while their creators were slaughtered. on the other hand, jake says, what do the chee do AFTER they’ve killed the howlers - where to point them next? when is the end of their violence?

buuuuut also standing by while atrocities occur is pretty damning, as is frequently mentioned in this series - from the very beginning, when marco initially doesn’t want to get involved in the war at all, and the other animorphs basically tell him that turning his back on the war and acting like he doesn’t even know it’s happening would be immoral and cowardly (which imo this reaction helps to push marco in the direction he ends up going, but I digress) - this topic comes up again in 19 when cassie quits the team and rachel is upset bc she sees it as cassie elevating her own feelings above the greater good (as in, as long as cassie feels good about how she acts, it doesn’t matter how much preventable evil the yeerks are committing while she turns away). etc etc. but that’s essentially what’s happening w/the chee - even tho they help w/intel, the lack of any sort of Action on their part means that they’re essentially allowing awful things to happen when they could prevent them. this is rambly but basically...animorphs deals so much in grey areas, and the chee are noticeably black and white in their actions, despite falling, in a meta sense, in an extremely grey area. its such good, thought provoking writing!

anywayssss I keep talking about the chee lmao what else was there. oh YEAH jake and cassie kissed for the first time awww that was super cute

and ofc immediately marco teases them as asks jake if he’s gonna kiss him next, and all I can say is...marco is a bicon

also I love the background worldbuilding w/the iskoort, how they have all these groups and guilds and stuff - its not dwelled on much, which actually works really well to give the world/species a sense of lived-in realness

okay oh man and the reveal at the end that the howlers were just like...children who thought the whole thing was a game...AUGHH man that’s sooo fucked

like, when jake morphs the howler and has rachel ready to knock him down in grizzly morph if he gets out of control due to the howler’s murderous instincts, and he morphs to find that the howler is...playful, like a dolphin morph. SUCH a good fucked up sense of dawning horror there

and the fact that as far as I can tell the chee KNEW this, but wanted revenge anyways, so they let the animorphs assume that the howlers were Evil On Purpose

also I love smaller moments, like jake seeing that ax is ashamed for briefly running away during one battle w/the howlers, and then entrusts him w/an important task bc he knows that ax will see that as redemption - and when everyone thought jake was dead and were so happy when he wasn't (they all love each other so much im gonna cry about these child soldiers augh)

basically that book was so good

man one thing I absolutely love is that the longer the series goes on the more obvious it is that andalites, despite inventing morphing technology, barely use it themselves

like, most of the andalite characters we see barely morph. its kind of a last resort to them, as they’re already plenty dangerous in their regular forms

meanwhile for the animorphs, that’s all they have to fight with. that’s their only weapons against the yeerks, and its so fun to see them use the power in so many varied ways, and so creatively, while the andalites have barely scratched the surface of their own technology

its also interesting to contrast against the yeerks who start out w/absolutely no technology, and the andalites share some but not all of their technology w/them...its too bad that morphing technology was just starting out cause that would’ve been interesting

like imo a lot of the conflict w/the yeerks could’ve been avoided if they could just nothlit into better forms - of course, there’d still be plenty of yeerks who want to go start wars or w/e, just like pretty much any species in the series, but a lot of yeerks would probably be like ‘yeah I'm good’ and just chill out as nothlits

also people online love to talk about how humans are alienfuckers and would definitely have sex w/sentient aliens and whatnot, and while I'm not saying that's untrue, its just funny bc in animorphs the truest alienfuckers are definitely the andalites

as of the hork-bajir chronicles, we now have a second instance of an andalite morphing another species to be in an inter-species alien romance (and eventually have kids)

speaking of, I don’t think I’ve talked abt the hork bajir chronicles yet??? even tho I read it a while ago lmao

HBC was great...I honestly haven’t really run into an animorphs book I’ve actually disliked at this point, I’m sure it’ll come w/all the ghostwriting and whatnot, but I’ve liked at least some aspects of every book

anyways HBC was great, and it’s funny bc I remember that I read this book as a kid, and yet rereading it now I didn’t remember a single bit of it lmaooo

I really liked the framing device of the free hork bajir telling this story to tobias. I also liked how we know from the beginning that this story wont have a happy ending - we know all the hork bajir end up enslaved by the yeerks, but it’s still somehow hopeful at the end? I think this is largely due to the framing device tbh.

also I love toby, and I love that the First free hork bajir named their kid after tobias ;_;

and oooh mannn I LOVED the different POVs from this book. all the characters were so interesting! aldrea was fascinating - I really like the increasingly negative view of the andalites that the readers are getting, all while maintaining the sense that they aren’t like, actively evil, just that they have their issues - like aldrea’s arrogance, and the general andalite arrogance which lead to the loss of the hork bajir. also, who knew andalites had their own brand of sexism? Ls

I did like getting a female andalite tho, that was cool. and dak was really cool, he was such a good, compassionate character who was able to maintain his morals in an interesting way throughout the story

and VISSER THREE...or should I say esplin 9466, because he’s not visser 3 yet...getting his ‘origin story’ was excellent - I really like how we’re learning about visser 3 backwards - we start off the series w/him as the main villain, and he’s campy and menacing, and then we see him in the andalite chronicles as a power-hungry sub-visser trying to climb the ranks and eventually getting alloran as a host, and then back even further here, w/the start of his focus on the andalites and the beginning of his ambition. its been very cool and interesting to see

plus, the beginning of the yeerks as we know them! seerow! alloran! it’s a party and nobody is having a good time, except for some of the yeerks.

I like how it’s pretty obvious that the andalites are well-meaning with their interactions w/the yeerks, but go about it the wrong way - they give them enough technology that the yeerks realize there’s a whole world out there to experience, and then they blockade the yeerks on their planet and tell them they can’t leave. nnnnot the best approach imo

again, as I said above, I’m interested in how things could’ve gone if the andalites had given the yeerks morphing technology early on - could a lot of the conflict have been avoided, or would it have been worse? the yeerks seem pretty evil in this book, immediately jumping to enslave anyone they can. otoh we hear from esplin that not all yeerks like having host bodies, and find it overwhelming, preferring to swim around in the yeerk pool as a slug - I assume as host bodies became more available this type of thinking was probably stamped out in yeerk society or w/e, but there are a lot of interesting what-ifs in the situation

I loved the scene where esplin first experiences having a host, and immediately knows he can’t go back. there are a bunch of great sensory descriptions, and it’s a nice scene to pinpoint as a foundational moment for the visser three in the current story, who spent a lot of time and energy getting what he sees as the best possible host body, an andalite

I find it interesting how much visser three clearly respects the andalites, even while constantly deriding them. and you can see the origins of that here as he immediately focuses in on the andalites, working to become an expert on them in order to make himself useful enough to move thru the ranks

another thing I like is how esplin seems a lot more crafty and ambitious than the visser three from modern times - I would guess that reaching his goal (andalite host body) and being given all that power was detrimental, playing on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. basically, I don’t think it’s ooc or anything, I can see how HBC-esplin became animorphs-esplin, especially w/TAC in between

as for seerow...poor dude. you really do have to feel for him, because you get the sense he really did just want to be kind to the yeerks, but it was borne from a place of pity, and he (and the other andalites) consistently held too much power over the yeerks for the species relations to ever be truly equal and functional

AUGH I have so many thoughts about alien space politics. omg. I need to talk about the actual story lmao

so yeah I also feel for aldrea, she had a rough time, watching her entire family die and being thrown into a hopeless war

and then the andalite council or w/e not listening to her bc she's a girl AND seerow’s daughter...oof

also, I really really liked the running theme of the andalites - specifically aldrea - looking down on the hork bajir as ‘simple’ and constantly underestimating them, especially dak

and I like how this is portrayed as a bad attitude for aldrea to have, and she still remains and interesting and sympathetic character even while having obvious flaws. it’s about being 3-dimensional baby!

and oh man I love that dak realizes that aldrea looks down on him, and his entire species, but he can see that that’s how the andalites are, and it all connects back to the beginning of the story w/the yeerks, bc the andalites looked down on the yeerks and treated them with pity and kept them pinned under their proverbial thumb ‘for their own good’ and look how that turned out

but dak is wise and kind enough to not hate aldrea for this, even acknowledging when she’s using him, but not pushing her away because he recognizes good in her too - and she ends up changing, partially because of his faith in her

and I feel like it can all be compared to that scenario of like - a hypothetical creature that lives in a 2D world suddenly being thrust into a 3D world, and comprehending what its seeing, and understanding that there’s so much more out there outside of the flat lines of its world - and then its dropped back into 2D-land with the knowledge of all the stuff its missing out on, and no way to get back to it or explain it to anybody else

I loooove that ‘trope’ or w/e you wanna call it, and it’s done beautifully here w/the yeerks - whos the say they wouldn't have been fine in their pool swimming around; as esplin said, a lot of the yeerks were terrified of having a host, it was only from the andalites’ perspective that their lives were sad and pitiful, and the andalites showed them what the world could be like, and then said ‘no, you can’t travel the stars like we do, you have to stay here on your planet and do what we say.’

and then again, w/the hork bajir - dak talks about how, even though he drinks up the knowledge that aldrea gives him, in the end it might have been better to just have lived peacefully, not knowing what was in the sky or the Deep - as aldrea says: “It was too late for Dak: he knew that the stars were not flowers.”

plus the hork bajir having to go from a completely peaceful species who don’t even understand the concept of violence, to a bunch of soldiers fighting a war...oof

basically everyone in this story uses the hork bajir. the yeerks use them as hosts, the andalites use their planet as a convenient place to dump seerow and then take their sweet time coming to help, and the arn created them as means to stabilize the planet, but block them off from their society and refuse to help when the yeerks come

like, the arn modifying themselves to be un-infestable by the yeerks and then being enslaved for physical labor instead? oof guys. if they had teamed up w/the hork bajir resistance things might have gone better, but probably not

more on aldrea - throughout the story I was always thinking ‘how am I supposed to see her? as a good person, or as a bad person?’

as a POV character, especially a ‘good guy’ andalite, you just start off automatically thinking of her as a good person, but as the story goes on, she starts getting lost in revenge and begins using dak and the hork bajir, and you’re left wondering if this is a story about her slide into darkness, and then towards the end of the story her character development culminates in her making the decision to stay w/the hork bajir, and the be with dak, and that’s about when I went ‘ohhh right this is animorphs so every character is pretty much gonna be grey’

I feel like that moral grey-ness was on full display w/aldrea, and I really enjoyed that. I love so much when characters who are good do bad things, for good or bad reasons, especially in media like animorphs that’s aimed at kids. it’s so compelling.

oof, and the ending when aldrea convinces dak to mobilize the hork bajir and teach them violence...and dak asks her if she’s ever killed another andalite, and she’s horrified, and says of course she hasn’t, and he says that that’s what she’s asking him, and all the hork bajir, to do - to kill their own people, even if they are being controlled by the yeerks. biiiig oof. I love that dak can keep up w/aldrea and her andalite supremacy attitude - it seems that the non-andalite characters who get along best w/the andalites are the ones who wont take their bs

what else happened....oh my god how could I forget about alloran, and his quantum virus. oooof. I like how we find out about alloran in parallel to visser three, in the same backwards way - in animorphs he’s the tragic host of visser three, in TAC he’s the disgraced but still semi-respected war-prince who becomes the first ever andalite controller, and here he’s the guy who decides to commit some war crimes because, hey, we haven’t tried that yet

but yeah that was fucked up, I love it. I’ve said it before I think but I like that alloran isn’t some perfect martyr tragically taken by the yeerks - it’s a lot more compelling that he’s a very flawed person who was taken as a controller partially due to his own bloodthirstiness.

but yeah, the part where aldrea morphs alloran and ‘sneaks’ into that room was great. aldrea’s dedication to disposing of the virus is a great indicator of her character development - it really feels like the straw that broke the camels back w/re: to the andalites not being what she thought they were, w/their tardiness coming to help the hork bajir planet and the way her father was treated being the precursors to this realization. it all culminates nicely in aldrea saying ‘fuck this actually’ and nothlit-ing into a hork bajir.

and it’s really tragic but realistic that even though aldrea and dak end up seeing eye to eye at the end and getting together, the virus ends up being released anyways (and fails in its objective to stop the yeerks from using the hork bajir - the whole thing was p much a lose-lose situation oof), and aldrea and dak still die fighting a hopeless war

but then we have the free hork bajir on earth, including toby, who, like tobias, has andalite ancestry, but no DNA to show for it - I like that they have that connection as well as tobias being her namesake

so yeah I enjoyed that one and its many-layered themes

WOW this got long uuuuuhhh ok I think i’ll leave this one off here. at the time I’m actually finishing the writing and editing, I’m on book 35 lol so I have some backlogging to do. never fear, I have a lot to say....

#lj reads animorphs #animorphs

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romulanfucker · 4 years ago

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tell us abt tov

>:3333333 you humor me .....

im going to put this under a cut because its going to be 1) insanely long and 2) backstory secrets for the one person following me who's also a player in this campaign so borgan if youre reading this do not open (tw for discussions of violence, attempted murder, and cults. nothing graphic but. it is in there)

SO!!!! tov is a dragonborn sorcerer and he is my character for a waterdeep dragon heist campaign that has been on pause for ... far too long ... some basic physical description: - like 6.5 feet tall - silver scales, but they don't reflect light like most metallic scales would - i'm a full believer in the lizard shit so he's got a tail, clawed digitigrade feet, a long snout, and spinal ridges - he's buff for a sorcerer (in fact, there's an alternative universe version of him for which i have designed a full sheet where he's multiclassed into barbarian) so his backstory is (i'll try and fail to keep this short) that he comes from a clan of dragonborn who pride themselves on being the descedants of some of the original dragonborn created as soldiers of bahamut in the draconic wars (this is deep deep d&d lore so if you don't know; bahamut is one of the good guy dragon gods and there used to be a lot more of them and then they started getting greedy for power and created dragonborn to use a footsoldiers to fight their wars for them). as such, his clain retains a spark of that draconic magic in its blood; ie. members of his clan are born w/ a latent draconic magic. now it varies from person to person how much power they have, some have very potent magic, others can only cast some basic cantrips. and there have been some born without any latent magic at all - but very few, and tovroth senxcec (tov) is currently the only one alive without anything. obviously, this caused a lot of teasing and shame and notwhat in his childhood, and so his baby brother nagrax (rax for short) decided to try and tutor tov in book-learned magic instead.

it was very slow going. tov is bad at reading and worse at reading sigils, and their clan was also very rural and they had very limited access to arcane books. they spent years working on it, with no luck. eventually tov gave up and took an apprenticeship training as a jewelrymaker just to have Something productive to do.

then one day while in town, rax finds something buried in a library tome. it's an old historical document, it talks of a gateway to another plane, and if one passes through it, they will gain the power of that plane. and him and tov say hey actually, we know where that gateway is supposedly located. how bad could it hurt to just check it out, right?

so they charter a boat and sail for two months until they reach these ruins. now, problem. the historical text left out two very important details: one, the plane the gateway goes to is the shadowfell (if you don't know d&d its like ... the depression plane. everything is gray and horrid and food has no taste and everything either is suffering too much to notice you or actively trying to kill you) and two, because the shadowfell is like that, it takes a bit of your soul every time you enter.

so tov bops on through the gateway and ends up in the shadowfell, and its horrible and fucked up and he wants to leave, and as he turns to go, he sees this twisted visage of his brother, and something in him just ... snaps. he Needs to kill this thing, he needs to destroy it, more than he's ever needed anything.

he lunges at it, begins to fight it. in the fight, he travels back through the gateway. he realizes he's back in the real plane, and he's facing his real brother, not his shadowfell brother anymore. the urge doesn't cease and he keeps attacking.

his brother manages to subdue him, and he asks tov for answers. why would he attack his own brother like that? and tov answers him truthfully - the gateway took me to a horrible place, and i saw a horrible version of you, an evil version, and i wanted to destroy it. i must have come back while fighting it. and rax asks him. did you know you came back? did you know it was me you were trying to kill at the end? and tov says ............................. yes.

rax is (understandably) horrified, and he tells tov this has gone too far. he doesn't know who his brother is anymore. he isn't welcome at home. but as one last act of mercy, he's going to take the boat back alone and tell the clan that tov never came back through the gate, so as to preserve his memory.

and tov lets him go. so now he's alone across the sea, with this seed of hate and violence planted deep inside him but hey! at least he's a sorcerer now!!!!!

so he spends several years wandering around the woods, avoiding society as much as possible because he's terrified of that rage overtaking him again, and trying to figure out what to do with himself, because he doesnt know who he is anymore, and doesn't like what he's become. the more time he spends alone with himself, the worse it gets.

on a supply trip into town, he hear tales of some anonymous hero that killed a beast that had been harassing the town, and realized it was an animal he'd killed a few days ago. and he goes. hey, maybe monster hunting could be ... something? its a way to put that violence inside me to a beneficial cause, if i can take out things that have been bothering good people. so he starts wandering around, entering towns more often, looking for people in need of a freelance beastkiller.

this is where the campaign picks up!!! i'll spare you the details of the whole shebang because this is already SO long, but the important thing is that the party's currently caught in the crossfires of a few different criminal investigations, and to get some allies on their side, a few party members have joined guilds in the city.

tov personally joined the order of the gauntlet, a guild that's dedicated to law and justice. he almost didn't let himself join at first, because he didn't think he deserved to become a paragon of justice when he was Like That. but the leader of the guild, savra belabranta, took him aside and was like. look. this guild is a place to earn your forgiveness.

and she tells him that, before joining the guild, she was caught up in some very very nasty cult business. like. murder cult business. and she didn't think she could ever be a good person after she left, but people here believed that she could be, and she believes that tov can be too, if he'll let himself.

and for the first time since rax got back on the boat alone, tov is beginning to think that he might be able to become the kind of man who can go home and face his family again. so he joins. and he spends more and more time with savra, and he starts to really like her. like really like her.

so far in game, they've gone on one date and savra ended up having to sleep in the party's house after (they live in apartments above a bar) and so he lied and said they had a guest room and then shoved all of his belongings in a closet, directed her to his room, and slept on his party mate's floor. because he didn't want her to think he was propositioning her after just one date.

but like, the dm is 100% on my side in this, and we already have begun putting together a post-campaign marriage plot for them and im very soft about it all the time because like .... its just these two people at two different points in their journeys to forgive themselves, and they're helping each other reach that final goal, and they're both finding happiness they didn't think they'd ever actually see and i aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

anyways thats tov thanks for asking

#believe it or not this really Was the short version #asking me about my d&d characters is a very dangerous business because once i get started i Cannot be stopped #but thank you for taking the risk anyways dfjldsakfadsf #personal

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years ago

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I really hate how the OP identified azula as ENTJ, coz as an INTJ I can confirm that homegirl is an INTJ to bones. We actually have the same situation im an INTJ but people often see me came off as an ENTJ just because I'm a leader for every activity I need to deal with my classmates with authority and have to crush down the awkwardness I feel talking with them for the project to be successful.

... I am not sure which OP you’re talking about but I think I understand the debate nonetheless xD

I’m INTJ as well, and I see more than enough similarities between Azula and INTJs too. The thing is, not every personality is the same, even amongst INTJs there’s some differences in character such as Assertive or Turbulent (I, apparently, am a Turbulent INTJ and I’d suspect Azula is more of an Assertive one?), so we have a lot of traits in common but maybe we approach certain situations differently.

At any rate, ENTJs and INTJs aren’t all that different by logic, but I do agree that they’re different enough. Sokka, for instance, seems to be a perfect ENTJ, I don’t think any other MBTI works for him. Meanwhile, Azula can fit either ENTJ or INTJ to varying degrees: I was talking with a friend the other day and we were debating whether Azula is introverted or extroverted, and to this moment it’s almost a coin toss. It really hinges a lot on your personal interpretation of the character: I lean more towards introverted, but I don’t think she’s a classic introvert in the sense of being shy or wanting to be isolated from people (the latter sounding more like something that describes Mai). Yet I also can acknowledge that popular opinion, and interaction with others, is very important for Azula, to the point where not being successful in social environments seems to plague her pretty badly in The Beach.

Looking at sites that talk about the differences in the duality between (E) and (I)...

Extraversion (E)

I like getting my energy from active involvement in events and having a lot of different activities. I'm excited when I'm around people and I like to energize other people. I like moving into action and making things happen. I generally feel at home in the world. I often understand a problem better when I can talk out loud about it and hear what others have to say.

The following statements generally apply to me:

1. I am seen as "outgoing" or as a "people person."

2. I feel comfortable in groups and like working in them.

3. I have a wide range of friends and know lots of people.

4. I sometimes jump too quickly into an activity and don't allow enough time to think it over.

5. Before I start a project, I sometimes forget to stop and get clear on what I want to do and why.

Source

Meanwhile...

Introversion (I)

I like getting my energy from dealing with the ideas, pictures, memories, and reactions that are inside my head, in my inner world. I often prefer doing things alone or with one or two people I feel comfortable with. I take time to reflect so that I have a clear idea of what I'll be doing when I decide to act. Ideas are almost solid things for me. Sometimes I like the idea of something better than the real thing.

The following statements generally apply to me:

1. I am seen as "reflective" or "reserved."

2. I feel comfortable being alone and like things I can do on my own.

3. I prefer to know just a few people well.

4. I sometimes spend too much time reflecting and don't move into action quickly enough.

5. I sometimes forget to check with the outside world to see if my ideas really fit the experience.

Source

Once you look at those two descriptions, there’s some traits in the first description that can fit Azula, including that she even called herself a “people person” at one point in the show (though she isn’t necessarily right about it, but still...). She also seems to enjoy being involved in action, to making certain things happen (she’s the one with the agency and initiative throughout The Beach, for instance, that’s not her father telling her to do things, it’s Azula who tears down a sand castle, drags the others to play Kuai Ball, ensures to get invited to a party and then who seems to have the idea for the house trashing that happens later), so it’s not completely farfetched to say she has some (E) traits.

Buuuuuut... when you look at the (I) traits, it actually fits really well. Azula doesn’t limit herself to merely taking action, she thinks things through. The (E) description suggests carelessness, not reflection, not proper pondering or weighing of situations, and going by Azula’s behavior throughout Book 2 and the first half of Book 3, she is absolutely not that careless and instead plans things for ages in advance... which fits (I) so much better. Azula also only seems to have two friends, and is shown deliberately choosing them over a whole Royal Procession, which again fits (I) far better than (E).

Therefore... It’s very difficult to say which one suits Azula perfectly, and that’s why I believe it hinges STRONGLY on how you perceive and headcanon the character. I think that Azula is pretty much standing in close to the middle of this particular duality, sharing enough traits with both sides to make her waaaay too complex to categorize bluntly in either thing. I’ll say, outright, that I write her as more of an (I) than (E) in terms of how she socializes, quality over quantity, pretty much? But in terms of how she reacts in situations of peril or situations that require someone to take the wheel, she’s absolutely going to jump ahead and take charge immediately, something that makes people think of (E) rather than (I), as you said yourself.

In the end, I can’t get particularly angry at anyone who headcanons her as ENTJ rather than INTJ, I’ve seen arguments for either side, I know neither thing is all that far from the truth... but I also suspect Azula may be a little too complicated for MBTI to apply to her character flawlessly, regardless of which personality type is chosen to categorize her. There’s always going to be pros and cons to either ENTJ or INTJ placements for Azula (the classic understanding for (I) is we’re shy and basically allergic to social situations, which can feel out of place with Azula because she WANTS to be part of social situations, and the problem hinges in that she doesn’t exactly know how to be part of them due to her horrible, sheltered upbringing...), so I don’t really have a personal stake in this particular debate. I’ll likely continue to write her leaning more towards INTJ than ENTJ because I usually work with either post-canon Azula, who I headcanon as far more reflective and less action-driven, or with Gladiator Azula, who as well has become a lot more reflective and who didn’t see as much action at 14 years of age as she does in canon. But if some people prefer to write her as ENTJ, as long as she still feels enough like herself, I’ll be okay with it too. I also don’t mind at all the analysis of Azula and Sokka as two different takes on what ENTJs can be like, it was pretty cool to see it, even though there’s also great meta out there on what makes ENTJs and INTJs great matches too xD

Soooo... what can I say aside from: headcanon what you wish to. If you’re here, in my blog of all places, you must know I disagree with like... 99% of common and popular fandom opinions xD doesn’t matter how big a blog may be, or how loudly they shout whatever opinions they may have, you as an individual are absolutely allowed to disagree, and there’s really no one in this world who can tell you your interpretation of a character is less valid just because the rest of the fandom doesn’t share it.

#anon #Azula's MBTI debate #:'D #sorry if this wasn't too helpful #but hey #I see her as INTJ too in general #so we're more or less in agreement xD

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pathcrier · 4 years ago

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This ask game has alot of good questions!! But 💖 and 😊 for all the ocs in your tags!

THIS IS VERY LONG IM SORRY HAHA

💖 Has your OC ever been in love, be it romantic or platonic or otherwise? Who with and did they ever express their feelings or keep it private? How long did these feelings persist / do they still feel this way?

Dahlia Shepard: romantically, she had been in love exactly three times. First time was with a girl back during Alliance training, Catalina. She was head over heels but never really told her, just because she felt it wouldn't work out in the end and let her doubts overcome her. Lasted for nearly a year, and no, she's completely over her (and actually attended her wedding and felt nothing but happiness for her.) Second was Aria T'loak, back when she was undercover on Omega. They had worked closely for months (trying to catch a cerberus cell leader) and had been seeing each other- but Dahlia presumed it was just a casual fling and would be over once she was finished. Dahlia knew once she was back in Alliance space, it wouldn't work out, and left it at that. Took a bit longer for her to get over this time, but she eventually did after focusing solely on her military career. Finally the woman she would easily rescue a galaxy for, Liara. For the first time, Dahlia allowed herself to be selfish and to want to be in a longstanding relationship. For the first time she sees herself willing to sacrifice everything for the one she loves, she is beyond head over heels for Liara. She platonically falls in love with every one of her friends, even if she's the worst at showing it. She loves these people more than life itself.

Nicola Amell: growing up in the Circle, with templars looming over your shoulders every second of the day- she never really bothered to invest any time in crushes, never giving them the chance to grow into something more. She devoted all her time to her studies and squashed any crush at the start. She didn't actually let herself fall in love until she felt her life was on the line, until she met Leliana. It was the first time she ever truly loved another person in a romantic sense, and she was going to live in every moment as if it were her last. Even by the time of the events of Trespasser, Nicola still takes the time and effort to send love letters and gifts to the now Divine Victoria. No amount of blights, ancient tevinters, nor elvish gods will ever keep the Warden Commander from her love.

Delaney Hawke: well, being a half elf mage apostate constantly living on the run for a majority of her life- she never really had time to actively meet people long enough to develop an emotional connection. Most of her crushes were as short lived as their homes.

Until moving to Kirkwall, that was. Having a crazy band of misfits that constantly follow you around, it's hard not to form attachments. Platonic or romantic. And when she fell for Isabela, she fell hard. I'm talking about head in the clouds, only able to think of one name. She's never experienced a crush like that and it freaked her out. Instead of telling Isabela about her feelings, she ran to Varric. Almost immediately. Delaney unsure of how to handle love in a romantic way, and Isabela shutting love out- it took quite some time for those two to establish themselves in a relationship. But even in those standstills, Delaney had almost expected her heart to move on, but it did the exact opposite- caused her love to grow stronger. Even now in Inquisition time, it took all of Delaney's strength to leave the comfort of Isabela's ship to go aid Varric. Not wanting to be separated for long, but not wanting to leave her best friend high and dry (who she loves very very much.

Gryff Hawke: like his twin sister, Delaney, he never had the time (nor desire really) to search for any love. At the time, the love of his 3 siblings and his parents was enough for him. He was happy and content. He knew he didn't need a relationship to be happy and content, so he never actively searched for one. Hell, even in Kirkwall, he was too busy keeping him and his sister out of Meredith's grasp and keeping the qunari at bay. But he did quite literally stumble into thoughts of a certain glowing elf, and never realized just how far he had fallen for him. Despite their differences they saw on magic, Gryff knew Fenris was the one he wanted to be with. For the first time ever, Gryff was actively seeking out affection for another person romantically. He will never admit it, but it was the best feeling he ever had. His love language is traipsing across thedas taking out slavers with his badass boyfriend.

Kiri Lavellan: Kiri LOVES being in love, adores the feelings of warmth and security a partner brings. She has had a few partners of course, but none ever lasted too long, especially amongst her Dalish clan, where everyone knows everyone's business. That being said though, she doesn't jump right into anything. When she loves someone it's very slowly and then all at once, pouring her heart and soul into her partners. Which was fairly difficult when it came to Sera, given her stance on the dalish, magic, and dalish magic. That didn't deter her though, she was understanding and patient and more than happy to move at Sera's pace. Despite their difficulties and differences, there's never been a stronger bond between pairings- Sera was so devoted to her inky, even as far as post Exalted Council, following Kiri back to her clan and being introduced to Kiri's friends and family.

Niamh Valyn: here's another one who just claims she never has time for a relationship. Not saying she will actively deter them, she just- doesn't expect anyone to want to put up with extensive time apart due to her place with the Rangers. She's fallen in love platonically more than romantically, and she's not going to complain. She loves her friends very dearly, they're her whole world, even if they're miles apart. But when it comes to romance, she finds it to be more difficult to keep a relationship going, finds it more emotionally taxing at times and just hasn't really put any thought into seeking someone out. She's content with where she is, if someone comes along who willingly wants to deal with distance- she will happily accept.

Ezra Marlowe (because I forgot to tag her and she's my baby): twice. She's fallen in love twice, and the first time damn near killed her. She let herself love so wholly and blindly, she never anticipated being hurt (quite literally.)

After that she felt very scared of any romantic advances, even if she was the one to initiate- she'd eventually run off if her overwhelming fear of being hurt overcame her.

After a while, the second time- it was a very slow, unsure path she took. But this man, the love of her life, Bashir, had proven just how much Ezra means to him. Through patience and care and understanding. Ezra once again allowed herself to love wholeheartedly, and for once, she's not scared.

Roux Lux: now here is someone who falls in love with the world anytime the sun sets or rises. She loves virtually everyone she meets. She falls head over heels for all her friends, in the most platonic way possible. She gives everyone the same special treatment, affection, and adoration as she does with a romantic partner. Though, Beetle may receive extra special treatment for being her amour. When she was ready to tell Beetle how she felt about him, she did so in the cutest puppet show..which she spent days hand crafting her props and painting new marionettes 😭

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC generally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

Dahlia Shepard: it's hard for her to always feel happy when there's an impending invasion on their doorsteps, but one surefire way to cheer her up is a quick call to her son, Otikk, a little salarian boy. He is such a lively, happy go lucky boy, and always eager to cheer his mama up. Dahlia comes off very brash and intimidating, but she very much loves pulling her friends out of the dark- whether through inspiring words, or distracting them with their favorite hobbies.

Nicola Amell: even with the blight raging, she always looked for the little things to cheer her up. To be honest, just having her closest friends at her back was more than enough. Knowing that she will always have people to pick her back up if she falls was the greatest comfort and a thought that always lingered when she felt low. Making other people happy is what being a hero is all about in her mind. When others around her feel safe and are smiling, that fills her with so much pride and joy.

Delaney Hawke: ah yes, the one who finds any reason to crack a joke- ill timed or not. To be honest whenever she's in a low spot, just curling up in bed with her mabari, Junji, is enough. Though sometimes having Isabela sprawled across next to her, having her tell tales of her life at sea, watching her put on an exaggerated reenactment of exciting fights is just what she needs too. Or sitting around a table with everyone, letting Varric make up stories on the spot, everyone happily buzzed…. Never fails to bring a smile to her face. She's generally very chipper and easy going, so everyone assumes by the amount of quips and playful teasing. Deep below, she's miserable, and full of guilt and self doubt. She doesn't like letting her friends know that, so she puts up this front and goes to any extent to make sure no one else feels how she does.

Gryff Hawke: raging ball of anger who has a hard time letting himself be happy- especially trying to keep himself and his twin alive and out of the Gallows. It's hard to feel happy when everything you do backfires and bites you in the ass, even when you know you did everything you could. Even with this rowdy band of misfits at your back, sometimes it just feels like you're drowning. But sometimes there's a hand to pull you up, bring life and air into your lungs. Having Fenris curled up beside him, quietly and slowly reading through a particularly difficult chapter, pausing to ask you what a word says- it reminds Gryff that there are things worth smiling about, and oftentimes they're the ones to pull you out of the dark.

Kiri Lavellan: being dragged into a humans holy war and being propped up as their god's herald- it takes a lot out of you, and Kiri always fears she is about to get uprooted from her dalish heritage at any moment. So in the quiet rests, she finds herself reciting stories in private that the keeper once told her. Anything that reminds her of her roots, where she comes from. She tries very hard to keep a brave face, a beaming smile, one that would inspire hope amongst her men. She wants others to believe she can do this, that she's not scared, anything to instill security in those around her.

Niamh Valyn: when she's feeling lost or homesick, no matter where she is, she carries a leather-bound journal filled with bedtime stories her mother and father read to her as a child. Cuddled up with her wolf companion, Zarola, and her pipe- it's like all her worries just melt away. Even if she looks stoic and imposing like a stormy mountain, she's a very happy person. She's content with where she is, and easily makes those close to her at ease with her playfulness and cheekiness.

Ezra Marlowe: to her, all her happiness she keeps is heavily guarded and protected, not willing to let it go, risking getting hurt. She has no issues pushing people away and hurting them to protect herself. But that being said, those who truly know her, they know she can be enjoyable to have around...in an annoying sibling kind of way. Always looking to push buttons for a laugh. But on her darkest days, she finds the most comfort in the arms of Bashir. He's one of the fre who can easily calm her nerves, bring her back to reality and truly make her feel safe.

Roux Lux: a walking ray of sunshine, this one. Wherever she goes, she leaves a trail of smiles and mirth in her wake. She love love loves creating smiles and making people laugh and feel good. Its why she joined the circus to begin with, her puppet shows have brought nothing but joyful squeals and it's the greatest feeling in the world to the changeling. She's always in the happiest of moods, rarely is she seen without a smile. Yet on those rare days when she feels small and insignificant- curling up in Beetle's lap and listening to him hum soft appraisal to her is all she needs to bounce back to her original self.

#sorry this took so long to answer!!!!!#asks #long post #dahlia shepard #nicola amell #delaney hawke #gryff hawke #kirivatriel lavellan #niamh valyn #ezra marlowe #roux lux

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avengersassemble-fics · 5 years ago

Text

Lost and Found

part 08/10 “a battle on coruscant”

masterlist

previous part

word count 4.8k

an: guys we’re getting into rots timeline im..... well im at a loss for words. sorry this part is a lil shorter, but there’s quite a bit of information in here, and also some choice statements that will mean a lot going forward. what will you catch??

spotify playlist to listen to while reading

The Clone Wars seemed to be at its peak. Several weeks had passed since your rescue from Dooku’s flagship, and your training with the Jedi was put on hold since both Obi-Wan and Anakin were put back into action. Anakin was hailed as one of the greatest generals of the Grand Army of the Republic, whether that was something to be proud of or disheartened by, you were never too sure. Over these last few weeks you grew more and more uncertain with the things you say. Not only from the Council, but the Senate as well.

Be weary of who you trust.

The warning you were given what seemed like a millennium ago kept passing through your mind at the strangest of times. It could be when you were mediating, standing in on a briefing, or as Anakin’s fingers grazed across your skin. It was sudden and unyielding, but you didn’t want to worry him with such things.

Anakin Skywalker. After the night the two of you had it was as if you were inseparable, only being pulled away from one another if he was sent out on a mission, or if you were. How you came to lead a battalion under the 501st legion was still beyond you (you figured it was desperation from the Council), but it did occasionally happen. Mostly you were kept on world under the watchful eye of Master Windu, and served as a kind of protection team for the Chancellor. If not him, Obi-wan was the one you answered to the most.

This time was no different. A few days ago Obi-Wan and Anakin were sent to the outer territories to Yerbana because of the large Separatists hold on the planet. You were stationed here with Master Corobb to protect the Chancellor once again. You found yourself looking out the window of your apartment watching the air traffic speed by. You closed your eyes as your mind drifted the one person you wished was here the most. That’s when you felt a warmth spread over your cheek, as if he were there with you right now.

Your connection with Anakin was stronger than ever. It was only amplified the more time you spent in your shared quarters (though no one would ever know he too spent his nights here under your sheets). He was thinking of you too, and you wished there was enough time to contact him before your captain arrived. Just at the thought of it your door chimed to signal his arrival, and you gently placed a hand over your cheek, knowing he would feel your hand over his.

You turned to your door and grabbed your robe from the chair before the door could open to reveal none other than Fives himself. He held his helmet to the side of his hip and gave you a nod as you stepped beside him, and you proceeded to walk side by side the Clone trooper.

“So captain,” you greeted, which earned a grumble from your side. “How are the men doing?”

“They’re itching to get off this planet,” he replied and you smiled. “We got word that the siege of Yerbana was a success.”

“That’s great,” you said, relief filling your heart. “Once the rest of the legion returns, I’m sure they’ll see action again.”

“That’s what they’re hoping for,” Fives said as you both neared the transport to the Senate building.

“And what are you hoping for?” You asked him as you grabbed hold of a bar to hold yourself up as the transport sped through the city.

“I’d like to captain a little longer, General,” he said. You shook your head.

“Who would’ve thought all those months ago that this is where we would be?” You thought out loud. Maybe it was more to yourself. You didn’t truly believe these last few months.

The transport came to a stop outside the Senate, just like every day since Anakin’s departure. Fives was the first off followed by you, and you watched as he placed his helmet back on his head and turned to you with a thought.

“I knew when you got us all out of that cave, General,” he said. You gaped at him a bit before offering him a smile. Fives nodded at you before heading over to a group of troopers waiting for his command. With a deep breath you started into the Senate and headed for the Chancellor’s chambers. It was an all too familiar walk, up staircases and then up a turbolift. You nodded at the few Senators who greeted you, and ignored the weight of your lightsaber on your hip.

Once the lift opened you were met with the sight of Masters Corobb speaking with the two guards that always stood outside his excellencies chambers. Always dressed in red, the sight of them made you feel uneasy, but you chose to ignore how their looks made you feel and made your way down the hallway.

“Master Corobb,” you greeted with a slight bow of the head. He nodded back at you and pulled you away from the guards to say something to you in private. Or as private as this hallway could be.

“Have you heard?” He asked, and you raised a brow at him.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean-”

“The Separatists have outranked us in numbers,” he whispered, glancing back at the guard before he spoke again. “Their fleets have come out of nowhere.”

You had grown accustomed to Master Corobb’s shall we say conspiracy theories. You had heard it all from space being an imaginative state to this war being a fabric of misconception. At times you wondered how he had gotten this far with the Jedi, surely his insights would have warranted dismissal or removal. But you felt too terrible to disregard his words, instead you were saved by the beep of your comm puck.

“I’m so sorry,” you said as you pulled the device from your pocket. “It’s Master Kenobi.”

Master Corobb waved you off and you walked further back towards the turbo lift before laing the comm puck in your palm, and from it Obi-Wan appeared in a transmission.

“Master Kenobi,” you greeted, though his state of distress made you raise a brow. “I heard Yerbana was a success.”

“Anakin had an insightful plan under his sleeve,” Obi-Wan stated and you suppressed your smile. “We’ve been rerouted to Mandalore for an. . Unforeseen meeting.”

You raised a brow at him, “I don’t follow, Master.”

Obi-Wan sighed, and you noticed he lowered his voice a bit, “We received a transmission from his previous Padawan. There’s a lead on Maul.”

You blinked at his words, unsure of how to process it. You couldn’t hold your thoughts for long and shook your head, “Well isn’t that a good thing? The Council has been after Maul for quite some time.”

“That’s part of the reason I was contacting you,” he said. “Is the Council currently meeting? I can’t get through on their wave link.”

You shook your head, “No Master, they-”

Your sentence was cut off short when the building shook around you, like an earthquake. The windows rattled and lights flickered for a moment as you steadied your stance on the floor. You turned your attention back to the Chancellor’s chambers and watched as his guards entered the room.

“(Y/N),” Obi-wan’s voice called to you a number of times. You looked back to his transmission. “What’s going on?”

Your eyes went to the window as you stared out and up to the sky. There were a number of Separatists ships in the far distance, and explosions rained over the protective barrier the Defense Fleet was connected to above. You heard Obi-Wan call your name again when you saw what looked to be vulture droids start to enter the atmosphere.

“What is going on?” He voice called for you again.

“We’re under attack, I’m sorry-” You cut the transmission off and ran back towards the Chancellors chambers, the doors parting easily for you to enter. Inside the two red clad guards were engulfing the Chancellor from his seat, Master Corobb making his way back over to you.

“We must get him to the safehold,” he commanded you and you nodded, pulling your wrist up and activating your comm.

“Captain, we’re moving the accessory to-”

You were cut off mid sentence when the doors to the Chancellors chambers opened to reveal the culprit of these attacks. You had never seen him face to face, but the stories of General Grievous did him real unjustice. He sent a tingle down your spine as both you and Master Corobb pulled your lightsabers off your hips.

“I should have known that foul stench was you, Grievous,” the Jedi Master said. Grievous seemed unfazed, wearing what looked to be a cape around his neck. Master Corobb took a stance before the Chancellor, and his lightsaber ignited the room in a green hue. General Grievous took a couple of steps in, reaching beneath him for two lightsabers on his own.

“You’ll just be another one to add to my collection,” his raspy automated voice said, igniting a blue and lightsaber of his own. Master Corobb deflected Grievous’ first hit, but turned to you to tell you to get the Chancellor out of there.

You nodded and ushered the two guards out into the hallway, hearing the strikes of lightsabers behind you as you followed them down the hallway. The turbolift began to open and the sound of another lightsaber made you grab the Chancellor, watching in despair as his two guards were cut down before you. You narrowed your gaze at the man behind their fallen bodies, and moved the Chancellor so he stood behind you.

“Dooku sent you to do his dirty work again, I see,” you nearly growled. Dash looked from the bodies that laid at his feet to your stare and positioned himself to face you fully.

“My Master has other business to see to than acquiring your weak leader,” He deadpanned.

You grabbed the lightsaber from your hip and positioned yourself defensively. Dash watched as you gripped this newly acquired double bladed lightsaber, and watched the same white light ignite from it.

“I see you’ve made upgrades since we last saw one another,” he quipped.

You gripped the lightsaber with both hands and it pulled apart easily, now becoming a double wielded weapon. You could see a flash in his eyes, and smiled at your apparent nemesis.

You lunged first, alternating each arm to attack him but was met with his blade instead. He had determination in his eyes, but so did you. The flicker of lights that were made when his red met your white created what could only be described as lightning. Just shear cracks of lightning.

When your sabers connected with one another, you pressed firmly against him. Both of your faces were exceptionally close to the hot blades, and Dash whipped his arm to open your stance more. His quick movement made the tip of your sabers hit the glass paneling of one of the windows, and it burst on impact. The wind that swarmed the room made everything whip around you, and a cold darkness entered your mind. You tried to blink your eyes to refocus on the man before you when you felt a firm grip form around your neck. It was like you were picked up from the ground and your arms fell to the side, dropping your lightsabers to the floor. You gasped for air as Dash held you there as he walked closer, the air escaping your body with each step. It wasn’t until he was close enough to you did he mutter a word your way.

“You’re lucky my Master requires you alive, or I would kill you right here,” he said, his eyes dark and tone low. You tried to shake your head in confusion when he flicked you away towards the window, and you grabbed onto the broken edges of glass. You gasped at the sudden rush of air, your eyes looking down at the drop below you. You were quick to look back up to see Dash grab the Chancellor, and use his lightsaber to puncture the glass on the other side of the hallway. Above you heard a large ship rumble into place, and watched in shock as Dash forced the Chancellor onboard, General Grievous not far behind. The short ramped closed behind them and you squinted as the ship began to fly away.

You squirmed, the glass cutting into your palms as you tried to pull yourself up back into the hallway. The sound of footsteps from the direction of the turbolift caught your attention, and Fives and another trooper came into view. Fives set his blaster down before he grabbed a hold of your arms and pulled you up to safety. You flinched at the blood you felt covering your hands and looked to the now empty chambers. You rushed over and the doors opened, only to reveal what you knew in the pit of your stomach.

Master Corobb was dead.

Anakin was high strung throughout the entirety of their trip back to Coruscant when he felt your struggles. He felt the tightness at the back of his throat and the itchiness in his palms, and was worried as to what it meant. When Obi-Wan came bursting into the hangar with the news of the attack on Coruscant, he felt his heart stop. He didn’t want to leave his Padawan, but the Chancellor needed him. You needed him.

That’s why when the fleet exited hyperspace and he saw the amount of ships out there he felt even more worried. When news came of Master Corobb’s death he felt his gut twist. He knew you were assigned with him, and as he climbed into his ship there was still no word on your involvement. He just needed to know you were safe or okay.

What happened in that span of minutes? Or was it hours? Everything happened so quickly he wasn’t sure. He killed Count Dooku in cold blood. It wasn’t the Jedi way, but the Chancellor told him it was only natural. He reminded him about his mother and it made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t the Jedi way then, nor was it now. And now he desperately tried to save his Master as well.

Maybe it wasn’t the best plan, to send a Separatists flagship crashing into the home of the Republic, but it was the best he could do under these circumstances. He eased the ship out as much as he could when the ship skid across the landing strip, rocking everything and everyone inside.

“Another happy landing,” Obi-Wan said to lighten the mood. Anakin panted and sent his Master the most devilish of looks.

“Funny, Master.” Was all he said.

Seeing the landing from the outside made people stop and stare in wonder and fear. Fives and yourself exited the Senate building to watch the ship enter the atmosphere and shred so much of the outer plating it would take weeks to recover. You shook your head at the image of the ship coming in closer and closer until Fives spoke next to you.

“Who in the world would try crash landing a Separatist flagship?”

“I have two guesses,” you mumbled, but earned a look from your Captain nonetheless.

“Can’t argue with you there, General,” he said.

It had taken you a while to calm down after the events of today. Grievous and Dash had bested you, Dash once again, and it was your fault the Chancellor was taken in the first place. What you couldn’t place was the presence you felt in your mind or in your body. It was cold, dark, evil. It was unknown and worried you. Even as you sat there and let one of the Clones wrap your hands up to cover your cuts, you thought about the presence in your mind.

Seeing the transport that birthed the Chancellor along with Anakin and R2, you watched from inside the Senate building as The Chancellor was welcomed by Senator Organa and Representative Binks, and began to make his way back inside. Your eyes went back to Anakin who ended his conversation with Obi-Wan to follow the group inside.

He must have felt your presence, because you saw him dash away into the shadows where you stood, and soon enough he engulfed you in his arms. He knocked the wind out of you as he picked you up to hold against his body, and your fingers latched into his hair. It had only been a few days since you saw him, but you couldn’t help the burn in the back of your throat. Anakin held you against him like he was afraid you’d disappear. He was afraid. He had to feel you against him to know that this was real, that you were alright. But he set you back down so he could cup your face in his hands, and place a long kiss to your lips.

Your hands held his arms as you drank him in. His lips lingered over yours as his eyes searched your face for some kind of answer.

“Are you alright?” He asked first. You nodded against his hands.

“I’m fine,” you whispered, and that’s when he looked down to your bandaged hands. His face fell as he softly caressed your hands in his. “I heard about Dooku-”

“I shouldn’t be praised as a hero,” Anakin said lowly. “He should have been brought before the Senate.”

“Ani,” you reached for his face and watched as his eyes fluttered shut at your touch. This man would be the death of you with how precious he was. “You saved the Chancellor’s life today.”

Anakin nodded at your words and leaned down once again to catch your lips with his. This kiss was different. It wasn’t needy, it was a kiss of love. Understanding. Like he needed to believe your words were true.

When he released you he gently stroked your cheek with his glove covered hand. These were the moments you had grown to cherish with him, even if it meant hiding in the shadows. It was short lived though, as your comm beckoned you once more.

“That would be Obi-Wan,” you mumbled to him. Anakin placed a quick kiss to your forehead before he gripped one of your hands with his.

“I’ll see you tonight, my love,” he whispered. He backed away until your fingers slid away from him, and only then did he smile and turn out of your view. You stood there for a moment with a smile only for yourself. Although you felt some tension in him, he hid it well. It worried you at times that you seemed to be the only one who could truly ease him of it, but it wasn’t something to worry about right now. The Council needed to speak with you. And it was probably about today’s events.

Dread filled you the further you got towards the Council’s Chambers. It was like you were young again and were about to face the corrective wrath of your mother. You shuddered at the thought before the chamber doors opened before you, and the hushed room watched you enter. It was silent and eerie the way they looked you over, even Master Kenobi studied you from afar. What was going on?

“Tension I feel,” Master Yoda quipped. “Relax, you may. No trouble you are in.”

You nodded a bit as you took your place before the Jedi council, your hands placed behind your back as you focused your attention on Master Yoda and Master Windu. The latter looked to be pondering a question, and finally he set both hands down on the armrests of his chair.

“What did you feel today?” He asked.

“You felt it as well?” You asked instead. Master Yoda nodded beside him.

“An evil force we felt,” Master Yoda confirmed and you felt your shoulders drop a bit. “During the attack.”

You thought over his words, though you knew they watched your eyes dart over the floor. You took a deep breath and met their gaze again. “I did feel something, like it was in my head. . It was cold, dark. . It was overpowering.”

“And is that when Dooku’s apprentice and Grievous were able to obtain the Chancellor?” Master Windu asked. You nodded, a small yes escaping your lips.

“Troubling this is,” Master Yoda said. “The reach of a Sith that far, never seen before.”

“The Sith Lord,” you mumbled to yourself, looking back to the Masters before you. “You think the Sith Lord is the one behind the Separatists?”

“It certainly wasn’t Count Dooku,” Master Windu said. “He was always a follower, never a believer.”

“So. .” you trailed off, unsure of what they wanted. “What do we do?”

Master Windu and Master Yoda glanced at one another, and a nod was shared between them. You fought the urge to raise a brow at the two Jedi, but they looked back to you swiftly, and you pushed your thoughts down below.

“We’d like for you to meditate with Master Kenobi again, and see if you can learn anything about this Sith Lord,” Master Windu stated. The lack of Anakin’s involvement made your stomach drop, but you nodded in compliance. Maybe it was better that Anakin wasn’t a part of this in the long run. He didn’t need to worry himself with another thing. But you were going to ask Obi-Wan about it.

“Of course, Master,” you responded and earned a nod back from him.

“Tomorrow you will meet,” Master Yoda motioned for Obi-Wan to join your side. You listened as he stood from his seat and came over to your side. “Dismissed you both are.”

With another bow of your head you turned towards the door, Obi-Wan following in your footsteps. Once you were far enough away and the door to the chambers closed shut did you finally turn to your companion and he stopped in his tracks.

“Before you even say anything,” Obi-Wan said before you could start your thought. “The only reason the Council has decided not to have Anakin join us is because of what happened last time.”

Hm. It wasn’t. . A bad argument. You were at a loss from words, honestly it was one of the more insightful decisions the Council has made to date.

“We shouldn’t keep this from him,” you nearly whispered. “He doesn’t like secrets, you know that.”

Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed his beard a bit. “You’re right, but approaching the subject may prove tricky.”

You smiled a bit and pat Obi-Wan’s shoulder, “Leave that to me. I got this.”

By the time you had returned to your apartment, the sun was beginning to fall, but Anakin hadn’t returned from the Senate yet. You peeled your robe off and folded it neatly to be washed, and placed your lightsaber on top of your dresser. You flipped your hands before you to look at the bandages that still covered your hands, and slowly peeled them off. As the air hit the still raw cuts you winced, but threw the bandages in the trash when you heard what sounded to be a speeder just outside. You edged towards the door that separated your room from the rest of the apartment. You stayed in the shadows until the speeder left, and only anakin and you remained. You stepped around the door and was met with Anakin’s back to you, and you felt something was off. Anakin starred off at the traffic speeding by and you took a careful step towards him.

“Ani?” You questioned. His head lifted a bit and then finally turned to you. He had no smile, just a stern look on his face. You stopped in your tracks to take him in fully. “Ani what’s happened?”

Anakin took a few steps to you before he extended his hand for you to take. You took his hand as you always would and he led you towards the couches that filled the center room. He sat down and pulled you with him, and you faced him in bewilderment. You had only seen him this pensive on a small number of occasions, and waited for him to speak.

“You’ll hate me,” he mumbled. He focused his attention on your hands, turning them over in his gently when he realized the tender cuts that were there.

You found yourself shaking your head, “I could never.”

He fell silent. You watched as his eyes trailed over your hands in his, and he just held them in his lap. You didn;’t know what to say, or what was going on. Had Obi-Wan told him about today? Had someone else? What was going through his mind--

“Padme is pregnant.”

Though still not meeting your gaze, you stared at him in shock. You blinked a few times as his words floated around your mind. The Senator was pregnant, and he said you would hate him. . Which could only mean. .

“And. . That would make you. .”

“The father,” he mumbled. “Yes.”

Well that certainly blew your news out of the water. You felt yourself drop your shoulders and looked to his hands as well as you processed things. Of course he told you about their relationship a while ago, but he had never mentioned. . That. Not that you would have wanted to know most likely but you never pictured- okay no. Not picturing that. Do not picture that. When you looked back up you were met with his eyes, a dark blue under his tired eyelids.

“So. . So what does this mean exactly? Do you want to be with her?” You asked in a whisper.

Anakin’s face scrunched up and he moved closer to you, his hands running up your arms. “No! No I don’t want to be with her,” he tried to reassure you. “You are my future. But. .”

He trailed off and looked down at your hands once more. “She doesn’t want to raise the child here. She wants to return to Naboo, have the baby there.”

A sad smile fell on your lips. “That sounds wonderful, Ani-”

“I told her,” he cut you off. “About us. You. What you mean to me. . She’s happy for us. She asked if you would come too.”

He met your eyes when he said it, and your mouth fell open as you took his words in. There was no doubt in your mind that you thought about what would happen after the war ended, what it meant for you and Anakin. Of course you had yet to discuss it, it was so early so it was more of a “What will happen to me?” and “What will Anakin do?” You hadn’t considered “what will we do?”

“After they brought me here, I thought about you every day,” he started to explain, reaching for your hands once more. “For years. It was all I could think about, when I would get to see you once more. I thought about the life you lived, if you were as beautiful as I remembered,” his fleshed hand extended to caress your cheek and you smiled softly at him. “When I returned to Tatooine it was because I started to have these visions about my mother, and the pain I was in. I thought I would have more time to search for you but I didn’t. I regretted that everyday.”

“Ani-”

“Please,” he begged you, his thumb rubbing over your skin softly. “I need to tell you this.”

You nodded a bit and Anakin nodded before continuing his story.

“The time I spent with Padme was nice, she’s a terrific person, I’m not saying she isn’t. But there always felt like there was something missing when I was with her. When I looked at her, it still felt like a part of me was missing,” he paused to smile at you. “When I saw you all those months ago, it was like I was whole again. You’ve brought peace to my life, and when I’m with you or touching you nothing matters in the galaxy. Not the Jedi, the war, the Chancellor. . None of it.

“You were always my past, you’ve become my present, and I want you to be my future as well. When it’s time, I-I want you to come. Be with me.”

Anakin searched your eyes for an answer, and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your lips. Before you could even get a word out Anakin pulled you into him and engulfed you in a hug. His chest hit yours and it felt like you were home. There was no need to think about it- Anakin was where you wanted to be. He always was. You spent so many nights on Tatooine thinking about being with him once more, and you weren’t going to give that up. If it meant leaving the Jedi Council, leaving Coruscant, then that was fine with you.

Anakin was your past, your present, and there was no doubt he would be your future. Nothing was going to alter that fact. Nothing and no one.

- - - - - - - - - -

tag list - please message me if I missed you or if you would like to be added!

@robin-obsessed @runs-with-sciss0rs @x-thunderbird-x @xthe-dreamerx@prongsfoott @deviatedwinter @cowboyenorgy @peresphoncs

#Anakin Skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #snakin skywalker x you #anakin x reader #anakin x you #anakin skywalker fic #darth vader x reader #darth vader fic

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kendrixtermina · 5 years ago

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Further reactions to "The book of lost tales":

I appreciate that Idril canonically wears armor and does swordfighting.

I feel like I can actually imagine adult!Idril much better now like in armor and with open hair, distraught but ready to fight while babby Earendil does not yet realize the danger...

My first thought is that Earendil was probably cute in that baby chainmail. My second thought is OUCH, Idril and Tuor always made sure their growing baby had fitting chainmail cause they felt the apocalypse might get them at any moment. Imagine that, imagine them having the baby armor fitted every year or so :(

Its fun how much of the basic structure already exists but most of what you'd consider the main characters doesn't exist or is scattered across various minor roles The only Prince anywhere in sight is Turgon - Except for Team Doriath, theyre all accounted for. I suppose Maeglin is kinda there in name only with vaguely the same role & motivation, but looks personality and background all did a 180 since. Luthien is still pretty much "princesd classic" at this point, not quite the fearless go-getter from the final version - markedly this version tells Beren that she doesnt want to wander in the wilderness with him whereas the final one says she doesnt care and its Beren still wants to get the shiny so as not to ask this of her and also for his honor.

I mean in the finished version Id consider the 3rd and 4th gen royals to be the main characters (well, alobgside Team Doriath and the varioud human heroes) and theyre hardly here. Imagine the silm with no Finrod!

Feanor had no affiliation with the royal family whatsoever, and is also generally less super. He's just the guy who won the jewelsmithing competition, not the inventor of the whole discipline. Still seems to have been envisionad as a respected member of the community who gets called to the palace for crisis meetings and is listened to when he stsrts giving speeches. From the first he already has the backstory of going off the deep end (or at least growing disillusioned with Valinor) after a family member is killed by Melkor and theyre still the first to die, but its just some other rando unrelated to the royals

The situation regarding the humans is different - instead of Melkor leaking their existence, its Manwe who explains that the other continents were supposed to be for them eventually. So Feanor goes off on a tirade about weak puny mortals comes off as a more of a jerk unlike in the final version where Melkor barely knew about the humans and described them to the Noldor as a threat. On the other hand in this one, also very much unlike in the finished product, Melkor dupes even Manwe into being unfair to the elves as a whole. In this the final version is a definite improvement, both Feanor and the Valar come off as a lot more sympathetic and though still deceived he's partially right in some things at least, so you have more of a genuine tragedy rather than a simple feud

There is something to the idea of Commoner!Feanor tho. I guess some of this survived in his nomadic explorer lifestyle and how both his wife and mother (who arent mentioned here) eventually were the ones to get that background of being not especially pretty ladies who are not from the nobility but got renown, respect and acclaim for their unique talent and contribution to society, with each having invented things and Nerdanel also being renowed for her wisdom. Hes sort of an odysseus-like Figure in that sense. I suppose later developements necesitated that Maedhros & co. have an army not just a band of thieves, which means they needed to be nobles/lords. That said this being a society where artisans are very respected and half the lords have scholarly/artistic pursuits going, the gap was probably not as big to begin with as it might have been in say, medieval England. Esoecially since Nerdanel's father had been given special honor by one of the local deities and that the social order might have been a very recent thing in Miriel's time. One might speculate that the first generation of Lords started out as warriors during the great journey, or perhaps just Finwe's friend group.

Also found that bit intetesting where the Valar have to deal with the remaining political tensions and effects of Melkor's lies on the remaining population in Valinor... - i guess with the change of framing device it was less likely for news of something like this to reach Beleriand. That, or the existence of Finarfin and his repentance made this go smoother this over in later cannon

Turgon's go-down-with-the-ship moment reaaly got to me. Im half tempted to write a fic where his wife, siblings and dad glomp him on arrival in Mandos. I dont care that none of them exists yet in this continuity i want Turgon to get hugs

I love all the additional Detail that got compressed out in the shift from fairytale-ish to pseudohistoric style especially all the various Valinor magic insofofar as it is compatible with the final version - particularly love the idea of the connection between the lamps and the trees that is now integrated into my headcanon forever

Its actually explained what the doors of night are

If I had not already read unfinished tales or volumes X to XII where this is also apparent, this is where I would say: Ah so the Valar were supposed to be flawed characters. Manwe has an actual arc; by the time he sends Gandalf he finally "got" it. I think in the published silm the little arcs of Ulmo and Manwe are mostly just lost in compression/ less apparent when only some of the relevant scenes got in but not all

It occurred to me way too late that the "BG" chars are the most consistent because theyre at the start and most stories are written from beginning to end. Finwe doesnt get a dedicated paragraph of explicit description until HoME X but my takeaway was that he's described pretty much like I always imagined him anyways/ same vibe I always got from him... charismatic, thoughtful, enthusiastic, sanguine temperament, brave in a pinch but at times lets his judgement be clouded by personal sentiment (though that last bit is more apparent/salient as a character flaw once he became the father of a certain Problem Child) ...i guess this would be a result of jrrt having had a consistent idea of him in his head for a long time.

This means Finwe's still alive at the time of the exodus which is just fun to see/interesting to know... Interestingly he sort of gets what later would be Finarfin's part of ineffectually telling everxone to please chill and think it over first while Feanor simply shouts louder (which is consistent with his actions before the sword incident in later canon where he initially spoke out against the suspiciozs regarding the Valar) - but its not exactly the same, he's more active than Finarfin later in that when "chillax" availed nothing he said that then at least they should talk with the other Kings and Manwe to leave with their blessing and get help leaving (This seems like it would have been the clusterfuck preventing million dollar suggestion in the universe where Feanor is related to him and values him) but when even that falls on death ears he decides that he "would not be parted from his people" and went to run the preparations. I find it interesting that the motivation is sentiment/attachment (even phrased as "he would not be parted from [his people]" same words/ expression as is later used for the formenos situation), not explicitly obligation as it later is for Fingolfin (who had promised to follow Feanor and didnt want to leave his subjects at the mercy of Feanor's recklessness )

Speaking of problem children. It seems the sons of Feanor were the Kaworu Nagisa of the Silmarillion in that originally all they do is show up at some point and kill Dior as an episodic villain-of-the-week. And then, it seems their role got bigger in each continuity/rewrite... probably has something to do with the Silmarils ending up in the title later making it in the sense their story that ends and begins with them. They have zero characterization beyond "fierce and wild" at this point, though in what teetsy bits there is we already have the idea that Maedhros is the leader and Curufin is the smart one/shemer/sweet-talker, though not the bit where Maedhros (or Maglor, or anyone really) is "the nice one". Which I guess explains why "Maglor" sounds like such a stereotypical villain name.

"The Ruin of Doriath" was purportedly the patchworkiest bit of the finished product, but I never noticed and it actually left quite an impression of me upon first reading, the visual of Melian sitting there with Thingol's corpse in her arms contemplating everything thinking back to how they met... she had the knowledge to warn him not to doom himself but couldnt get him to understand it because he doesnt see the world as she does.... After reading this though I wish there was a 'dynamic' rendition that combined all the best bits like, youd have to adapt it to the later canon's rendition of the dwarves, have Nargothrond exist etc. But i mean that just makes Finrod another dead/doomed relative of Thingol's whom bling cannot truly replace, like Luthien and Turin. In the Silmarillion you could easily read it as just an "honoured guest treatment" but here and in unfinished tales I get the impression that Thingol actually did see Turin as a son.

Already you see the idea of trying to make the stories all interconnected but there is less than there will be (the human heroes aren't related yet and there is basically no Nargothrond, which is later a common thread for many of the stories - a prototype shows up in the 'Tale of Turambar' tho complete with half baked prototypes of Orodreth and Finduillas

O boi im not even through yet

#silmarillion #the book of lost tales #history of middle earth #baby reads HoMe

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biconicfinn · 4 years ago

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id like to know, what are your takes on politician!Alec? if you want to talk about that

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK!!!!! POLITICIAN ALEC IS MY FUCKING JAM DJKABVHJKDBVKADVBFAV okay anon strap in because this will get crazy

holy shit this is long so i’m putting it under a read more!!

okay so first of all: alec is someone who has been trained from a young age to be a politician, he would have been educated in diplomacy and politics, his parents were expecting him to become head of the new york institute and they have no qualms about living vicariously through their children and forcing their burdens on them as we have seen in the show.

he was probably taught clave law and the accords, a whole bunch of languages (polyglot power couple malec ftw) because i assume the NYI uses english as their lingua franca because of their location but since institutes also have to deal with local downworld and mundane populations it’s safe to assume that in other countries where english isn’t the main language, they go with the local languages and alec would need to communicate with these other institute heads, etiquette, some formal ballroom dances like the waltz, the art of negotiation, administrative stuff like resource allocation, budgeting, public speaking, the nitty gritty details of the clave workings, in addition to the knowledge of the different races of the shadow world, hand to hand combat, combat with a variety of weapons (he masters archery to utter perfection but he definitely is also incredibly proficient in close range combat as well).

sorry i just love alec and he is definitely more competent than most of the Alec StansTM (yall know what im saying) make him out to be

okay so!!!!! it’s pretty much canon that alec has spent a considerable amount of time as acting head of the NYI; what with maryse and robert always fucking off to idris to lick the boots of the clave and so he probably has a good relationship with the people under his command. he’s probably put protocols in place to reduce casualties and injuries, form patrol teams that are well-balanced so that they are versatile enough to take just about any threat that comes their way, etc.

of course, thanks to a little thing called the nephilim’s deep-rooted homophobia, a lot of the work alec put in probably got negated when he came out. it took a lot of courage for him to come out and to be openly gay. raj was an absolute asshole to alec for no reason and often questioned his leadership decisions post coming out, and even if not all the shadowhunters reacted like that, they did show some resistance(?) to alec’s leadership when he was appointed head and questioned him. it probably took a lot out of him because it’s one thing to have your people doubt you as a leader because of your actions or words; your decisions as a leader, it’s another thing for them to mistrust you entirely because of a fundamental part of your identity that you can’t change. you can build trust by publicly admitting and apologising for mistakes and putting in honest work to be better, but it’s impossible to build trust when the other person doesn’t even see you as human to begin with.

this is turning into a hoti!alec ramble but i promise i will bring this back to politician!alec okay i promise i just need to establish the headcanons i’m building on first sorry

okay back to business!!!! i feel like alec is so very genuine and honest outside of the political sphere alec “casual wedding vows” lightwood anyone? so when he does show his ability to be a complete fucking shark in the political arena a lot of people are blindsided because they expected him to be very honest and direct but he knows that as much as he’d like to be genuine, he needs that shrewdness to navigate the political minefield of idris. he prefers directness, but if you take the manipulative, indirect, route and underestimate him, he will not hesitate to turn your own methods against you.

he is also the type of leader who constantly tries to make an effort. his intentions were genuine with the downworld cabinet and i think that if it wasn’t set up in the middle of the shitstorm which was valentine’s re-emergence and the circle’s rise, it would have been more successful. he has a lot to learn and unlearn, and he (an utter perfectionist) will do as much as he can to help the downworld. i like to think that in a post s3 world, but before the time skip, he helps to re-establish the ties between the shadow world factions in new york and focuses on being the nephilim voice of the downworld to the clave, constantly trying to push for new accords and reformed policies, and he makes an effort to not speak over the downworlders, but instead be their representative and ally to the clave because the clave are racist bastards who wouldn’t listen to them but they have to listen to alec lightwood (”it’s lightwood-bane, actually”), one of the heroes who stepped up to defend alicante when the rift to edom opened. (and also because if they did try to slander or belittle him, they risk angering magnus, who has enough clout to embargo most warlocks from providing magical assistance to any local institutes, if he feels that the downworld is being ignored despite the fact that a warlock is the sole reason why alicante was’t razed to the ground, or that he and his husband are being targeted by the clave. because they are That Couple.) in conclusion alec is a good ally okay?

but as much as he tries/tried to do right by the clave, he sometimes also doesn’t give a fuck about them. he’ll be in meetings at idris, and maybe they’re discussing asinine, irrelevant, minor issues that are really just stupid excuses to showboat and compare family clout and whatnot and he’ll be pissed as fuck because instead of discussing actual relevant issues like irregularities/strange patterns in demon attacks, hunting down remaining circle sleeper cells, reparations for the downworld (like for the heavenly fire project), rewriting the accords, rebuilding idris, helping get the attacked institutes back up and running, you know, actual important issues that need attention but no, we’re discussing some petty family squabble that turned into a political feud that involves everyone and their fucking uncle. and he gets so damn angry he just blows up and rants at them and tears them a new one. he finishes his impressively long spiel with “you know what? fuck this. when you guys are done fighting like children and taking up precious time that we should be using to talk about real, pressing issues that affect the entire shadow world instead of five people at this table, let me know and i’ll be there but until then don’t bother. if you’ll excuse me, i’m going back to my husband. thank you. and for the last damn time, my name is alec lightwood-bane. i already changed my damn name legally so fucking use it.” and he just leaves to go back to new york because fuck the clave.

he goes back home to the loft and it’s like the stress and anger just melts away because he walks in on magnus dancing around the kitchen as he cooks dinner, singing dancing queen at the top of his lungs, laughing when magnus twirls to see him leaning against the doorway of the kitchen with his heart eyes and blushes at being caught doing somethin so silly

he becomes a successful inquisitor by sheer force of will and determination. it’s not at all intentional, but it just happens. with the success of the cabinet and the measures he puts in place, he shares it with other institute heads and slowly more and more institutes are collaborating with the local downworld and most of the time, the statistics pay off in the long run. there are starting troubles as with any new initiatives, but soon enough there is a sizeable number of institutes following them successfully and it’s hard for the clave to ignore. alec gets invited to alicante to discuss the possibility of him becoming inquisitor just when the downworld deputy program is taking off in new york. (it all starts with simon asking “so are you guys nephilim or shadowhunters? what’s the difference? or is it interchangeable?” and then they realise that while nephilim is a term to describe half-angel half-human beings, shadowhunter is a term more commonly used by active duty demon hunters and drops out of use as a self-descriptor when the nephilim in question leaves combat. “so that means technically anyone in the shadow world whose job it is to fight demons is a shadowhunter? right?” and the lightbulbs light up in alec’s head immediately) oops time to get back to it the point.

okay so!!!! the clave offer alec the position of inquisitor and it’s part recognition for his efforts and acknowledgement of his skills, part them wanting to keep him under their control. how does that work? well it’s simple. if alec is inquisitor and the clave makes it as hard as possible for him to do any effective work, bogging him down with bureaucracy and and votes on motions that are just shy of the majority needed to pass laws etc etc. basically throw every road block they can at him and wear him down; forcing him to step down and thus silencing him, and by extension, the downworlders who rely on him for a voice in the clave.

malec side note: so they first say that magnus can come to alicante and make an exception for him, and the general plan is to make it look like they’re actually doing something good when it’s to lull them into a false sense of security. (but alec and magnus choose to live in brooklyn first because despite everything, it is still dangerous for magnus to be the only warlock in a city full of nephilim) but then alicante opens up to the rest of the shadow world, magnus becomes the high warlock of alicante, and the clave are dealing with the force of nature that is known power couple and ultimate badasses magnus and alec lightwood-bane. oops.

but they underestimate the power of alec’s Lightwood(-Bane) DeterminationTM and his sheer stubbornness. so their plan backfires spectacularly when within the first few years, he’s implemented laws to open alicante up to downworlders, expunge criminal records of downworlders who were previously wrongfully charged with crimes, rehabilitation of wrongfully imprisoned downworlders, mandatory downworld cabinet and downworld deputy initiatives worldwide, as well as be part of the core group that rewrote the accords to be more fair.

alec probably retires after like five years of being inquisitor and then magnus steps down as high warlock and they just travel the world together and be in love and happy, occasionally consulting on political issues here and there but for the most part they just run off into the sunset to be immortal husbands together because they’ve sacrificed enough for the good of the shadow world to last several lifetimes.

#skyrambles #skygetsasks #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #thank you for the ask anon!!! (although im like 99% sure i know who you are skbskbshfbsfh)#Anonymous

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honeyjaez · 4 years ago

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Maze of Miroh- Chapter 17: Dinner with a bit of Angst

Authors Note:

HELLO LOVES. IM SLEEPY.

Anyways, this is a shorter chapter, but it sets up the highlight of this arc, which Im really excited about. Hope it isnt’ too shit haha.

The Under

An echo of a bell rang through Minho’s ears as they pushed through the door and into the little shack. He looked around and noticed small tables were placed throughout the area with wooden walls attached to the side, blocking people from others' sight.

Minho felt a familiar prickle of anxiety as he looked around. He always hated small, secluded places and actively avoided them. But he forced himself to relax and smiled slightly when he recognized Yunho’s fluffy brown hair in the back corner. He bowed to the neighboring table as he made his way through the store, Jisung at his side. As he did so, he heard Chan behind him stop near the entrance, calling out to someone, but Minho didn’t turn around to listen.

Minho caught San settling down next to Wooyoung who was situated on Yunho’s side When the young thief's eyes caught Minho’s he smiled, gesturing him over.

He swallowed a ball of saliva loudly. On one hand, he was glad San and him were okay, but he was also still VERY wary of the blond. Luckily, before he was forced to respond, Jisung tugged on Minho’s arm roughly towards Yunho’s other side, settling down in the other vacant seat.

As Minho followed suit, he could see in the corner of his eye, San giving Jisung a rather nasty glare, but the younger's only response was to stick his tongue out, mocking him. Minho felt his eyes rolling automatically, choosing to ignore both of their antics. He instead turned towards Yunho, giving the doctor a small smile.

“Glad you could take a break for a bit.” he said earnestly. Truthfully speaking, he was rather glad to see a nice member of Hongjoong’s crazy group.

Yunho took a sip of his water, nodding appreciatively “The other doctors can handle the situation for the night. I'm starving!”

Jisung broke his glaring contest with San to look over at the doctor, concern sparkling in his eyes. “There were a lot of sick people in there….Is there some sort of sickness going around?”

Yunho’s eyes flashed towards Jisung, and his smile grew tired as he ducked his head. “Nothing we can’t handle....Just a common thing at this time around….”

Minho's eyes narrowed as he caught the hesitation in Yunho’s voice. He looked to Jisung and could tell that the younger caught the tone as well.

There is something he isn’t telling us…

He opened his mouth, ready to ask the younger boy what exactly it meant, but, before he could, he was interrupted by Chan, who was walking up to their table with two new faces Minho had never seen before.

“Except for its not….” he said matter-of-factly “Is it Yunho?”

His words were harsh, but Minho couldn’t read his leader's face as he gazed down at the young doctor. Yunho who was looking up at the curly haired blond only chuckled humorlessly, a twinge of guilt passing through his eyes.

“There is nothing you don’t see, is there Bang Chan?”

Chan cracked a small smile and shrugged softly, “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

The older boy then turned and looked at the two of them, motioning to the strangers on his side. “Minho. Jisung. “ he started “I want you to meet two more of Hongjoong’s crew. This is Jongho and Mingi.”

The shorter one, Jongho, only gazed hard at them, a single nod of his head before setting down next to San. Mingi, on the other hand, stayed standing, and gave a wide toothy grin. “Sup! I heard you kicked San’s ass earlier. Care to give me pointers?”

“Uhhhh…” If a human could sweatdrop, Minho sure was. Luckily for him, the conversation was interrupted by Wooyoung hissing in annoyance at the pair.

“It’s not something to joke about Mingi! San could have died!”

Mingi’s only response was to roll his eyes at the silver haired boy, settling down in his spot at the table, “Please Woo. Don’t be dramatic.”

“Yeah” Yunho agreed, pouring a glass of water for everyone “Like San would be stupid enough to die from something like that.”

“That being said” Jongho spoke for the first time, voice hard as ice, looking at the blond with a small amount of contempt “Why didn’t you avoid the rocks?”

All eyes were on San now who looked at them all innocently. His eyes were wide as he stuffed his cheeks with rice. Minho gave a small laugh as the food piled up in his cheeks, puffing them out like squirrels. So Jisung isn’t the only one who does that huh….

As he heard Minho’s quiet laugh, San’s eyes suddenly shifted onto his, his face forming into a smirk, winking at the older. “What can I say?” he said lightly, swallowing the food in his mouth. “Maybe I wanted Minho to hurt me…. I’ve got certain kink you kn-”

His words were cut off as Wooyoung took a single fist and smashed it into the blonds head.

It was quiet for a moment before San suddenly cradled his head, crying out in pain and rolling on the ground behind him. Mingi laughed out loud while Wooyoung glared at the crying boy.

“You all are so noisy” Minho’s ears perked as he heard a familiar voice cut through the tabel.His eyes turned over to see Hongjoong walking up, the tall figure of Seonghwa right behind him.

Minho gulped seeing the dark haired boy again. He was just as beautiful as before, and the aura he radiated off of him was just as deadly. But to his relief, Seonghwa seemed to be ignoring him and that was fine by him.

“HyunggggG!” San whined, looking up at the two like they were his parents “Wooyoung hit me!”

“Yeah cause you can’t keep it in your pants for 5 fucking seconds!” he hissed back.

The noise was started to cause a scene and Minho spotted multiple eyes now on them. Hongjoong must have noticed too because he rubbed his palm in his face, looking down in annoyance.

“This is why I can’t take you guys anywhere…” Hongjoong then noticed Chan’s presence next to him and he looked up, suspicion in his eyes.

“Chan” he said coolly. “I didn’t know you would be joining us.”

Chan smiled, face still unreadable as he bowed in respect “Sorry for surprising you. San invited us. I hope it isn’t inconvenient.”

Minho caught Seunghwa’s glare at their leader but kept his mouth shut. Hongjoong waved his hand, settling down on the floor. “No. No. Just a surprise, we will have a full table tonight.”

“Who else is coming?” Jisung pipped up, motioning towards the opened seat next to Mingi. Hongjoong’s head turned slightly to look and then looked back, eyes shining brighter than Minho had seen since coming here. “Yeosang.”

At the sound of the name, Yunho’s head snapped up from the drink in his hand, and Minho didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up in mild happiness. “You mean he is coming?”

Hongjoong smiled at the younger, nodding his head “All the spies currently working in the field have been called back for a meeting by Zico. Yeosang should be here in a little bit.”

“Huzah!” San yelled, raising his glass in celebration.

Yunho sighed happily and Mingi did his own clap of excitement. All the other remaining members held a small smile on their face. When Yunho noticed the look of confusion on the outsider’s faces he laughed apologetically.

“Sorry” he chuckled “I guess we should fill you guys in. Yeosang is the last member of our group here. He is one of the best spies The Under has, and he is often traveling above ground on missions...so we don’t get to see him much.”

“The last time we saw him was nearly 3 months ago” Wooyoung mused, almost sad.

“Make use of his time” Seonghwa interjected, almost scolding them like a mother “We don’t know how long he will be back so make it worthwhile.”

“Sir yes sir!” the group hollowed.

The table fell into their own little groups as dinner arrived. Chan was talking enthusiastically to Mingi about some stupid thing Felix once did, while San, Wooyoung and Jongho were having their own private conversation-mostly scolding San about losing in a fight with Minho.

Minho himself was having a rather pleasant conversation with Yunho, with Jisung stuck in the middle.

Even Seonghwa seemed mildly interested in Chan’s story as evident of his wandering eye towards the two.

The only one who didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves was Hongjoong, who was frowning down at his full plate.

“So have you guys always been together?” Minho asked the brown headed doctor, mouth full of food “I know Woojin hyung said he found you guys together but was that always the case? You guys don’t look related.”

This earned a hearty laugh from the doctor and he shook his head in response. “Goodness no. Me related to them? I mean have you seen Mingi?”

“What about me?” the gruff boy voiced over.

But Yunho ignored him, looking almost sheepish at Minho “This may sound weird or stupid, but I don’t remember any of my childhood before i met them so I don’t really know where I came from. And actually…” he paused, looking around at the table “None of us do.”

Minho’s eyes widened as he felt a familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach. Just like me…

“None of you do?”

Yunho shook his head, a look of mild sadness on his face. “From as far back as we can remember, we have been together, but we know we know there was a time before where we were not together….”

Jisung who was enjoying the conversation silently, swallowed the bit of food in his mouth, eyes narrowing slightly. “But if you don’t remember anything, how can you know that?”

Yunho smiled again, but this time it was more guilty than anything. “Actually it’s just a hunch but also there is Yeosang….”

“Yeosangie has something that none of us do.”

Jisung tilted his head in confusion “What does he have?”

Yunho took his arm and placed a hand on the back of his shoulder “He has a tattoo right here. He doesn’t remember getting it, nor what it means. But even if he did, I don’t think he would talk about it….” there was something in Yunho’s voice that made for a melancholy mood. His eyes casted downwards towards his nearly empty plate and chewed the bottom of his lip. “I don’t even think he is aware that he does this, but occasionally he takes his hand and touches it...his eyes would get so sad...like the memory is trying to surface, but the sadness it holds is enough to cause him excruciating pain.”

Minho looked down at his plate, realizing his own appetite was gone. There was something about their group wide memory loss that was really causing him distress. His stomach churned and he quickly excused himself, rushing outside before anyone could stop him.

The city lights blurred his eyes as he felt his breathing going ragged. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. But what?

Calm down Minho!

He mentally cursed himself while trying to regain control of his breathing again. What set him off so suddenly? Was it Yunho admitting about the memory loss? That doesn;t make anysense…..sure Minho also suffered from his own intense memory loss. He could relate to the group suddenly more now, his own childhood lost in his memories. But that was nothing more than coincidence. Right?

But before he could explore these thoughts, he was interrupted by a hand being placed on his shoulder in a form of comfort. Minho, still trying to calm down, only reached back and placed his hand on top of the foreign hand, rubbing it as a form of gratitude.

He stayed like that for another minute before letting out one more ragged breath and straightening back up.

“You okay?”

Minho closed his eyes, hearing Jisung’s quiet, soothing voice near his ear. He nodded once but refused to turn around, afraid to. “I’ll be okay….” he admitted.

“You nearly scared half the people in there.” Jisung jokenly scolded “You rushed out so fast, they thought they were under attack.”

Minho let out a quiet laugh, appreciative at the younger's attempts to take his mind away from the problem at hand.

“I’ll have to apologize when I go back in…” he quipped back.

He heard light footsteps and felt Jisung brush up against his side, making his way to stand next to him. Neither of them looked at each other, and chose to stare at the city lights instead.

“What was it?” the younger finally asked, voice small and quiet. Minho squeezed his eyes shut, knowing what he was getting at.

“I don’t know…”

Liar

“Hyung” Jisung said,obviously not believing him.

Minho let out a long sigh, shaking his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but found no sound behind his voice.

He was ashamed.

But for what reason? His memory loss wasn’t his fault. He didn’t willingly wipe his memories away.

This was nothing to be ashamed of.

So why did he?

When Minho opened his mouth again, he let out a muffled cry, like he was admitting to a serious crime.

“There is something I haven't shared with the group yet….” he confessed.

He paused, expecting an immediate reaction from Jisung. But when he got none, and only felt the younger brush up against his arm he stumbled on his confession. “I don’t have many memories that I remember. I remember working at the plant. I remember becoming friends with Hyunjae. I remember Grandma Yoo taking care of us, but that has all been within the last 8 years….”

Minho looked to his side, teary gaze locking onto Jisung’s unreadable ones. “I have no memory of my parents, nor where I came from. The only reason I knew my name was Minho was because I found an ID with my face on it…” he paused, feeling his voice pick back up and his breathing laboring in his rant.

Jisung took his hand and squeezed his shoulder tight, pulling Minho into a tight hug. “It’s okay hyung” he murmured quietly. “Your memory loss isn’t your fault.”

Minho hiccuped, taking solace in Jisung’s tight hug “I know but... ” he trailed off, the fear taking over. “What if it's more than just a coincidence? What if The Ord-”

DRIIIIING DRIIIIING DRIIIIING

He nearly jumped out of his skin as a loud alarm rang through the entire city, red sirens flashing all around them. Jisung seemed taken off guard as well as they broke apart to look down at the downtown area.

“Whats happening?” Minho had to somewhat yell out over the loud sirens.

“It’s the city alarm system.” Hongjoong’s voice sounded on his other side, walking out from the shack. The others followed him outside and Minho caught Chan’s gaze who seemed fearful but not surprised.

“What does it mean?”

As if on cue, the sirens suddenly stopped and were replaced with a familiar cool voice that made the hairs on Minho’s neck stand up.

“Hello citizens of The Under” Zico’s voice filled the entire clearing and Minho nearly had to cover his ears in response. “I have some unsettling news…” the man continued “Right as we speak, enemies of our beautiful city are moving against us. Their armies have infiltrated the tunnels and plan to strike us with their high tech assault weapons.”

There were a few screams heard nearby as people took in their leaders' words. But Minho and the entire group stood still, listening intently.

“I have dispatched guards to fend them off, but for your safety, we need everyone to evacuate to the center of the city asap-”

“What is he saying?!” Hongjoong growled.

“I will be with the fighting force” Zico continued “But you will be in good hands there. Remember everyone, the safest place you can be is in the innermost part of the city. I won’t let anyone past the gates. The Under is my life, and the people are its future. Until we meet again.”

And suddenly, just like that, his voice was gone. The red hue from the sirens remained, but now all that could be heard was the panicked screams of the people who began rushing around heeding their leader's words. Only Minho, Chan, Jisung and the entirety of Hongjoong’s group stayed still, including San. They seemed to be digesting their leader's words to figure out their next steps. San was the first to make movement, heading towards the stairs that led to the inner city.

“San wait!” Chan yelled, causing the younger to stall.

Chan turned back towards Hongjoong, his eyes hard as steel. “Hongjoong”

Minho gulped realizing the situation they were currently in. Something wasn’t adding up and it all pointed towards Zico.

“What is he thinking?!” Seonghwa growled out loud “The center of the city? That is the worst place to evacuate to!”

“That's because it is a trap” Chan interjected, his eyes not leaving Hongjoong’s frozen body.

“Hyung” Jisung tried to warn, wanting him to stop.

“Watch your tongue rat” San suddenly hissed with venom. “He is our leader!”

Chan starred evenly back at San, his gaze cold and calm. “He sold you out.” He pulled on Hongjoongs arms, forcing the red headed leader to break out of trance. “Tell them Hongjoong.” He challenged “Something tells me you already suspected him of that.”

The clearing was quiet, all 9 of them there looking towards the one singular Hongjoong who finally after a few more moments let out a long, exhausted sigh, his fierce expression from before long gone now in the presence of strangers. “A few days before you guys got here, I caught Zico having a private meeting with someone.”

There were small gasps that came from Mingi and Yunho, while Jongho’s eyes widened slightly. Only San seemed unaffected by the news, his gaze cold as ice as he stared at Hongjoong.

“Who?” Chan asked, but Hongjoong shook his head, looking out to the city below.

“Zico claimed he was an outer spy of ours, but I had never seen him before in all my years here. And the way he talked to Zico….it was no way to talk to your boss…”

Hongjoong paused, casting a look out at the horrified faces-his eyes landed on San’s cold ones and he gave the younger a look of pleading sympathy.

“He was trying to convince Zico to take some sort of deal. One that only benefited himself….”

“No” San spat, disregarding his claims. “You’re lying”

“San.” Seonghwa started “This is Hongjoong we are talking about here he would neve-” the elder was cut off as Chan’s voice rang loud and clear over the sirens.

“Zico betrayed you all.” he growled harshly at the thief “The quicker you accept that, the easier this next step will be.

“Quiet rat!” San spat back, taking stance “One more word out of you, and I’ll kill you. I don’t care what the rumors say…”

The clearing went cold. Neither side made a move as San and Chan glared each other down evenly.

Jisung wasted no time after San’s very real threat in marching between the two, his eyes hard as steel as he glared at San.

“You’ll have to get through me first. ”

San turned his ice cold gaze on Jisung and Minho felt his stomach drop.

“San!” Seonghwa barked “Stand down!”

But to Minho’s dismay, the blond refused, pulling out his two daggers. Jisung mimicked the action by pulling out his own cuffs, electricity shooting out in waves almost immediately. Minho’s heart felt like it was about to burst, his earlier anxiety now gone and replaced with the stress of their current situation. No one seemed to want to stop the imposing forces, not even Chan, who was having an intense staring match with Hoongjong. All the meanwhile, the red hue from the sirens continued to flash all around.

Minho looked to Seonghwa, who seemed just as tense, but as they locked eyes, was relieved to find a similar sense of panic in them.

This was not the time to be fighting each other. Seonghwa gets that.

Minho opened his mouth, ready to say whatever necessary to quell the two fighters. But before he could get a single sound out, a new voice sounded from behind him, one he did not recognize.

“Stand down San. They are telling the truth.”

All heads spun around to look at the incoming newcomer, his ash blond hair growing past his ears, all messy bedhead like. His face remained calm and neutral, but Minho could tell from his eyes that the stranger was looking past Minho and them to stare straight at San as a sort of warning.

“Yeosang” Yunho breathed.

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the-toppat-king · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter Two: Small Steps

Right groaned as he came out of unconsciousness.

He flexed his fingers a moment before opening his eye.

Wait. Where was his other eye?

Suddenly the Toppat sat up, realizing he was not longer fully human. At least half his face was now covered in metal, and throwing off his blanket, he saw that his right arm and both his legs were gone, replaced with metal augmentations. Flexing his new hand a bit, he took a breath to calm himself down.

First things first, where was he?

Glancing around, Right saw that he was in the medical wing, and that Reginald was sleeping not far away in a chair. At first he was relieved seeing the leader unharmed, but he quickly realized that wasn't entirely the case. His throat was bruised, his hair was messy and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Right knew the moment he looked at him that he'd been defeated.

"...Reg?"

Reginald jolted awake at the sound of his voice, face immediately morphing into one of relief. He got to his feet, apparently trying to seem dignified as he walked over.

"W'at 'appened?" Right frowned as Reginald sat down in a closer chair.

"Henry caught me." Reginald sighed. "It was either give up leadership to him or be given to the government. Thankfully it seems at least some things haven't changed."

"Once a Toppat, always a Toppat." Right forced a laugh, but immediately knew that this was a bad situation. The last time they saw Henry was twenty years ago, when they killed Terrence. Henry had run away almost immediately after, and while they had searched for him there was no finding Henry when he decided to go missing.

Not to mention he and Right had actually fought. It was only Henry thinking to fight dirty and pulling a knife on him that he wasn't hurt.

"'E didn't...'urt you...did 'e?" Right asked, grabbed Reginald's hand. Reginald shook his head.

"He had me by my necklace. The bruise is from the pressure. I don't think he was trying to hurt me, or it would have been easy from that position." The former leader explained. He took a deep breath, rubbing it before meeting Right's gaze. "That...that Henry. That's not our Henry anymore. I can barely recognize him anymore."

"Reg, it'll be fine." Right replied. "I'm sure 'e's just a bit s'aken up from everything- like those government scum sending 'im in to do t'eir dirty work."

"Right, Reginald?" Sven's voice interrupted before Reginald could reply. "Henry is in his office. You should probably go show him the ropes. He's...acting skittish, for lack of better words."

Right groaned. So much for soothing Reginald's fears.

_________________________________________

In hindsight, Right wasn't sure what he expected.

At first when he saw Henry bent over a desk, muttering to himself with Terrence's old Top hat on his head, he thought he was seeing a ghost. Terrence could have never denied that Henry was his son.

"With Charles and the General this might be difficult." He was muttering in a hoarse, weak voice. Henry didn't use his voice much, but Right didn't think speaking should sound so painful. "I could probably drop them someone rural and lay low a few weeks, but that might piss off the Clan. But if I keep them with us the Government might come for them. Or at least for the General. Either way the Clan has to lay low and they're pissed that I saved two government officials instead of just letting-"

"Sir?" Sven spoke up.

Henry jolted, turning around, back to silence. Right rolled his eye, stepping forward. "'Enry, we ain't strangers, don't act lik-"

Suddenly the leader was on his feet, body tense. Both Right and Reginald froze, taking in his body language.

He looked like a cornered animal, every muscle tense and ready to either fight or flee. He glanced around for a possible exit before his eyes settled back on Right, Reginald and Sven, clearly untrusting. First Right felt nearly uncontrollable rage. What the fuck did those assholes tell him to make him act like this?

Henry must have noticed, because he took a few steps back, eyes narrow.

Second, Right doubted his earlier statement of "Once a Toppat, always a Toppat."

Toppats didn't act like this. They were typically dignified, cool under pressure. If they needed an escape they looked for one without giving themselves away. They didn't stand tense, waiting for the enemy to make a move before they reacted. They either shot or they got the hell out of that situation.

Their Henry acted like a Toppat.

This Henry didn't.

Of course Right recognized this body language. It was pretty common, especially with criminals on the street. Typically it was criminals and thieves who ran into fights a lot and so needed to be ready for a scrap.

He saw it in desperate, afraid people. The Henry he knew was neither.

Right took a step back, seeing Henry relax a little. Reginald is right. That's not our Henry anymore.

"Settle down." Reginald stepped forward this time, and Right noticed that Henry wasn't as tense. He's reacting based on threat level. He knows if it comes to a fight, he couldn't do anything against me, but Reginald isn't going to be as physical if it comes to a confrontation. He wasn't sure if he should be impressed that Henry was already taking mental notes or concerned because Henry obviously didn't trust his own high ranking crew. "Right isn't going to do anything."

"Do you see what I mean?" Sven sighed. "He can't seem to talk unless he's alone, he freaks if anyone approaches without a warning, he's acting like he doesn't know us."

Movement caught Right's attention, and he noticed that Henry was signing.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here."

"Then don't stare at us like a deer caught in headlights!" Sven shot back. "Henry, stop acting like we're strangers! Do you really think Reginald, Right or anyone else would hurt you?"

Henry's expression went from being annoyed to being...unsure for a complete lack of better words. Sven's shoulder's slumped.

"You...you don't trust us?"

"The last time I saw any of you," Henry signed slowly, seeming unsure of his word choice. "Was twenty years ago. I was six and had just witnessed my father being overthrown as leader of the Toppat Clan and shot in the head." He took a breath before adding: "I know now that Terrence was a terrible leader. But I didn't understand at the time and I didn't know what would happen to me. I still don't."

"You're not Terrence." Right spoke up. "W'y would we 'arm you for his terrible decisions? Especially twenty years later."

"I just burst in through the window in a giant hamsterball, tried to run you over, proceeded to stab you and push you off a bridge when I got the opportunity and took Reginald hostage. That's all just from one day. Why would you all not want to kill me?" Henry's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Not to mention I was working with the government? Okay I was kinda taken hostage-"

Right glanced at Reginald, mouthing a "why did you not fucking tell me this?". Reginald shrugged in response, looking a little helpless.

"-but a Toppat would never betray the Clan in the first place. I betrayed the Clan the second I deserted it, and I did it again when I tried following through with the Government's plan. The only thing stopping me was the fact that even if they kept up their end and pardoned my crimes I don't have anything to go back to." Henry seemed to deflate a bit. "No one would be stupid enough to hire a thief infamous enough for the Government to track down. The only jobs I could find were all as test subjects."

Right could tell the gears were turning in Reginald's head, and Right was figuring it out too.

Henry wasn't wrong.

His goals here were completely centered on self-preservation. Fleeing as a child when he thought his life may be in danger(which could be excused, Right supposed, still didn't look good), likely defaulting on theft to survive, the only thing he would have known how to do(and likely continuing to do so into teenage and adult years when people saw a bratty little thief rather than a kid who didn't know how else to get by), taking the deal the Government offered him for a chance at a life even slightly more sustainable than what he had now. Even accepting Reginald's last-minute bargaining, leader of the Toppat Clan was a safer, more stable life than anything else he could do with his reputation.

Toppats didn't act like that. They were actively disgusted by people who held their own lives as more important the the Clan's safety. It was one of many reasons why Terrence was overthrown- not caring about the Clan and prioritizing his own thrill over their safety.

The Clan already had every right to overthrow Henry. They had helped raise him, yes, but that meant his betrayal left a deeper wound than a stranger's.

Trust on both ends needed to be rebuilt, and it wasn't working with the way things were currently going.

"'Old on." Right suddenly spoke up. "I need a time frame. 'Ow long was I out?"

Henry sheepishly held up five fingers.

"Five 'ours?" That didn't seem right.

"Days." Henry signed.

Ah, that makes more sense.

"'Ave you interacted at all with the crew outside w'at was necessary?" Right crossed his arms.

Henry looked even more sheepish.

"'ave you even ate?"

"I managed to make him eat when Reginald handed over leadership since he was skin and bones." Sven spoke up. "Otherwise he hasn't touched anything."

Right sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I swear to God- Sven, go get something small for 'Enry, please. Just a sandwic' or something, because somet'ing tells me this c'aotic dumbass 'asn't been eating nearly enough and 'e needs to start slow.

Reginald sighed, swinging an arm over Henry's shoulder and sitting him back down as Sven left. "Henry, you need to trust Right, Sven and I. The Clan is willing to give you a shot as long as one of us higher members doesn't decide you're not fit to lead. But that means you need to work with us and stop being self-destructive." He looked up at Right. "Hey do we have anyone with a psychology degree or something? Henry's definitely going to need a therapist."

"Excuse me, I am not a child-" Henry signed, face red.

"T'en I don't suppose you're ready to open up about w'at the 'ell 'appened before you got 'ere?" Right asked.

Henry didn't have a response for that.

"T'at's w'at I t'ought." Right sighed. "I don't t'ink we 'ave a therapist, t'ough. Could you at least try opening up to Reg first? You don't need to tell 'im anyt'ing major if you aren't comfortable yet. But we've got to start somew'ere."

Henry sighed, nodding.

Something told Right that this would not be the last conversation they had of this nature, but he supposed it was good enough for now.

#Chapters #Right Hand Man #Reginald Copperbottom #Henry Stickmin #Sven Svensson #RHM's POV #The Toppat King

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manage-mischief · 4 years ago

Text

Regulus Black and The Darkest Shadows: Chapter 4

Read on AO3 or FF.net

A/N: CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF PAST ALCOHOL ABUSE! END OF CHAPTER! I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Hope you all like it! Thanks so much for the kind reviews, and thank you to my amazing beta @leah-ravenanne !

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 4: Misery Loves Company

September 13th, 1978

The next morning, Regulus left the Slytherin dorms early to avoid any undesired interactions. He made his way to the Great Hall to find McDrew. When Regulus arrived, he scanned the long house tables for a sign of the beefy Quidditch Captain.

Regulus finally spotted McDrew sitting halfway down the Slytherin Table with a couple of other students. McDrew noticed him staring.

“Oi, Black! C’mon, I’ve saved you a seat!” He gave a great wave and a large, goofy grin. Regulus sat down awkwardly.

“Here, Reg, let me introduce you to some of my friends. They’re not all Slytherins, but, then again, not everyone can be so lucky.” he laughed, cheekily.

“Can it, Woody!” The dark, curly-haired girl sitting across from him rolled her eyes. She glanced at Regulus warily. Regulus had a feeling that McDrew had instructed his friends to be nice.

“I’m Wilhelmina Young. Hufflepuff,” she introduced herself hesitantly.

“Oh yeah. You’re in my year,” said Regulus. “We had Care of Magical Creatures together.”

Wilhelmina nodded, warming up a bit. “I didn’t know if you’d remember. We were partners when we had to take care of that nasty Flobberworm in 3rd year.”

Regulus cringed at the memory.

“And you know Marlene McKinnon, I’m sure. She’s a Gryffindor.” McDrew continued the introductions, gesturing to the pretty blonde girl on his right.

Marlene narrowed her eyes. Regulus gulped. He was quite aware of Marlene’s feelings towards him. “Yeah, we’ve met,” said Marlene. “Although, I’m more familiar with your brother. He and I were…close…for a bit.” Marlene grinned while the rest of the crew cracked up. Regulus didn’t know how to respond to that. Sirius had been quite...active...before he’d realized his true affections for fellow Gryffindor Remus Lupin. Regulus wondered if they were still together.

Marlene stared at him once again, sizing him up. “Well, I guess you’re alright. As long as you don’t go around preaching about the ‘Noble and Most Ancient House of Wankers’, we’ll get along fine.”

The girl sitting next to her chuckled and kissed her cheek. Regulus recognized her as fellow Slytherin Dorcas Meadowes. “Wotcher.” Dorcas nodded in greeting. “Sorry, ‘bout my girlfriend. She doesn’t know when to shut her mouth.”

Marlene playfully shoved her back and exclaimed, “You weren’t complaining about that at Madame Puddifoot’s last week!” The table erupted in laughter again, and Regulus joined them. He was shocked by how easily Marlene and the others had accepted him. Maybe things were looking up. Maybe, this whole turning his life around thing wouldn’t be so hard.

Just then, Regulus saw Woodrow wave towards the Great Hall Entrance. “Ah, here they are, late as always.”

Regulus looked over his shoulder to see who had arrived. His heart dropped. Three Ravenclaws were walking towards them. Two boys—one of whom Regulus recognized as George Fleet, the other he didn’t know—and one girl. A tall, brown-haired girl with clear plastic glasses and a fiery expression plastered on her face. Desdemona.

The three newcomers sat. Desdemona glared.

“Oi, Woody. I thought you were joking when you said Black’d be joining us,” Desdemona said, pretending as if Regulus wasn’t there.

McDrew shot Regulus an apologetic look. “Des, c’mon. He wants to change. We’re gonna help him!”

Desdemona huffed. “‘Wants to change,’ my arse! You know what his lot did just a few days ago? That little girlfriend of his hexed Broderick in the middle of the hallway for no bloody reason! Called ‘im a Mudblood!” She gestured to the boy sitting next to her, who suddenly became very interested in his bowl of porridge. Broderick was clearly not in the mood for confrontation, or for Desdemona’s angry tirade.

Regulus quickly defended himself. “I didn’t know anything about that! And, anyways, you turned Ginger’s hair green. You got her back.”

Desdemona pounded her fist on the table, causing silverware to fly into the air. “OH RIGHT! BRODERICK HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL WING! But, my, my, I’m so sorry poor little miss Death Eater Queen had to suffer with green hair for a few hours. Poor baby!”

People around them had begun to stare. McDrew put a hand on the tall girl’s shoulder. “Listen, if Reg says he wasn’t involved, he wasn’t involved. I believe him. And you more than anyone should respect the fact that he’s trying to turn over a new leaf. As long as that’s the case, we’re going to help him do it. Understand?”

She looked like she wanted to retort, but thought better of it. She nodded, frowning, and muttered under her breath, “Fine.” Desdemona glared at McDrew, but didn’t argue. Instead, she turned to Wilhelmina. “Can you pass the toast?”

The group of friends let out a collective breath of relief. Regulus got the feeling that McDrew was the leader of this little gang. At any rate, anyone who could convince Desdemona Lewis to tolerate Regulus was impressive.

---

After the meal ended, Regulus, Broderick, Desdemona, and Wilhelmina headed down to the dungeons for Potions. The atmosphere was still tense and a bit awkward.

“So,” Regulus said, trying to break the tension, “What d’you think Slughorn’ll have us make today?”

“I don’t like you, Black,” Desdemona snapped, not even looking at him.

“You don’t like anyone, Des,” Wilhelmina replied casually. Broderick laughed. Desdemona pouted.

“I just have high standards, that’s all,” she said haughtily.

“High standards? Is that what they’re calling ‘being a judgmental bitch’ nowadays?” Wilelmina teased back.

Regulus cracked a smile, but his amusement seemed to really set Desdemona off. Broderick stepped in front of her to try and hold her back. “Des,” he said in a soothing, deep voice. “Remember what Woodrow said? We’re trying to help Regulus. He doesn’t want to be like the rest of those Death Eaters anymore. He wants to change. Remember, Woodrow told us. We have to be empathetic. We have to understand.”

“Understand? I understand! I understand that his little cult wants to eradicate Muggle culture! They don’t think people like you and me deserve to be at Hogwarts, because my mum’s a Muggle, or because I can’t prove my dad was a wizard, or because I was raised by Muggles or whatever! And I’m supposed to just accept that he’s changed? I may be judgmental and choosy about who I trust, but it’s for good reason! Because if we put our trust in the wrong person, we could end up dead!”

Desdemona stormed off ahead of them, leaving Regulus feeling as awful as ever. Despite his dislike of Desdemona’s unpleasant attitude towards him, she was completely justified. She had every right to hate Regulus. Was he being an idiot? Was it really possible for him to cut ties with his past, when his past involved such hurt and pain?

Broderick patted him on the back. “Hey, mate. I’m Muggleborn, and I still have faith you can change. If we don’t allow people from You-Know-Who’s side to change their minds and join us, we’ll never win the war. It’s just Des. You know, she’s got quite a temper and, between you and me, a ton of anxiety. She’ll come around, though. And I can tell, you’re not as off-your-rocker as that Ginger chick.”

Regulus was shocked at how kind of a person Broderick was—how kind all of McDrew’s friends were. Here Regulus was, asking them to accept him despite the awful people he’d aligned himself with, despite the awful things he had done. And they were willing to give him a second chance he knew he didn’t remotely deserve.

Regulus forced a small smile, still considering how he was ever going to fit in with this new group.

---

Despite a rocky start, Regulus’s attempts to gain new friends had been growing more and more successful with each passing day. By the end of the week, Regulus had taken to studying in the library with Broderick during their free periods, had accompanied Woodrow and Marlene on an adventure to visit the House Elves in the Kitchens, and had even managed to have a thirty second conversation with Desdemona that had not ended in screaming or cursing.

By Friday night, Regulus whistled happily in his dorm while he put gel in his hair before the year’s first Slug Club dinner. He had felt freer and happier than he had in a long time.

As Regulus strolled towards Slughorn’s office, he heard a strange whimpering. Curious, he followed the noises down an unfamiliar corridor, where he discovered their source—Desdemona. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, quietly crying. She was dressed up for Slughorn’s party, in a midnight blue dress and silver shoes. However, her makeup was running down her face, ruining the aesthetic. Her fingers were tapping noticeably at her side. Regulus was about to back away from the scene when she looked up and noticed him watching. Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

“What the bloody hell are you looking at?”

“Um, I was just…going…I’ll leave you to it,” Regulus sputtered. He felt a pang of regret in his chest. Sure, he and Desdemona mixed about as well as oil and water. Sure, they had been hellbent on outcompeting and insulting each other for six years now. However, in the moment, she seemed vulnerable. He sighed, sure he would regret his next decision. But, he was trying to turn over a new leaf. And that included rectifying his past mistakes. Maybe, this could be a start.

Slowly, he approached her and slid down the wall, taking a seat onto the cool stone floor beside her. He awkwardly patted her shoulder. “Er…everything ok?” He winced at his tactlessness. Clearly everything was not okay.

For a moment, Regulus thought Des was going to snap at him. Then, her face melted and she took a deep breath. “Do you really want to know?” She asked, leaning her head back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling. She tapped her fingers together more rapidly. Regulus didn’t quite know how to respond, so he simply nodded his head, inviting her to continue.

“My mum. She…ah…she died.”

Regulus’s heart sank for her. He was at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say to comfort the girl? “Oh. Sorry,” was all he could muster.

She shook her head and laughed emptily. “No. I shouldn’t be shocked. In fact, it’s a surprise it took her this long.”

“Was she sick?” Regulus asked.

“In a way.” Des furrowed her brow, as if considering whether to divulge any more private information. “I guess I can tell you. Since I’ve been ordered to be your ‘friend’ now.”

“I’ll ignore the sarcasm,” Regulus quipped, hoping to put her more at ease.

“What a shame,” she replied. After a brief pause, she continued: “My aunt always says it’s best to share your thoughts and emotions. ‘Don’t let yourself be controlled by them.’ I tell her that’s bullshit. If people knew half the things that went on inside my head…”

She paused, stopping herself. “Well, anyways,” said Desdemona, returning to the story. “My mum kind of…lost it…when my dad died. She had run away to the States to be with him. Given up everything. The family hardly approved, but she was head over heels. Hippies, the pair of them. Hence the name,” she gestured to herself.

Regulus chuckled. “Oh right. Desdemona Rain.”

“Awful, isn’t it? Anyways, dad died—I don’t know how, none of my family does. Mum wouldn’t tell them. After that, she brought me back to England. She started drinking. A lot. And then, one day, she left me with my aunt and uncle while she went to the store, and she never came back. I hadn’t heard from her in over ten years. Last my aunt had known, she was in some sort of rehab center up north. She…she didn’t want to see any of us…she didn’t want me to visit…” Desdemona took another deep breath. “The center…they—they called Aunt Eliza yesterday and said she had been released, then relapsed and OD’ed. I just found out.”

Regulus watched her as she attempted to steady her shaky breath. “I’m sorry. Do you…do you want me to walk you back to your dorm or something?”

“No, no,” she said, “Please don’t be nice to me. It makes me feel pathetic when you’re nice to me.”

Regulus laughed lightly.

“And besides,” she continued, wiping the makeup from under her eyes and smoothing her dress, “I can’t very well go back knowing that you’ll be hogging the time of whatever influential person Slughorn has brought for us this evening! Git.” Pulling out a small pocket mirror, she examined her reflection and dabbed away the remaining black streaks on her cheeks.

Regulus stood and hesitantly offered a hand to Desdemona. To his surprise, she took it and pulled herself up. Regulus awkwardly dropped her hand and spoke. “I’m sorry, Desdemona. Truly. I know that the things I’ve said and the people I’ve associated with in the past have hurt you. I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry. I like to tell myself that I never really believed those things, that I was trying to fit in and make my family proud. But, I didn’t try to stop it. And any pain I’ve caused you—directly or indirectly…You don’t deserve to be bullied or put down because of who your parents were or how you were raised. But if it makes you feel any better, I’ll say this: you’re an amazing witch. Probably better than any of the rest of us.”

“Wow. Can I get that in writing?” She joked. Then, seriously, she said, “Please, call me Des. I think I can allow it, seeing as you’ve unlocked a piece of my tragic backstory. I expect you to return the favor someday.”

“Come on, we’re already running late. Let’s go…Des.”

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merrysithmas · 5 years ago

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mmmm hard and quick question who tops boris or theo

😂🤣sorry i just need to pick myself up off the floor after thinking about THEO topping anyone of his own free will. the only kind of person i can imagine Theo topping is like... Agent Q from the new Bond movies but even after that they're like, yeahhh maybe this isn't for us. Lmao. Bc Theo doesn't like... want that.

(disclaimer: as a gay, i personally don't really like analyzing this topic in fandom, there is no menu or standard to human behavior and everyone reacts to the world differently and experiences pleasure differently, esp in a queer dynamic, so im like... who cares, dynamics are fluid anyway. but for sake of analyzing text here we go)

Based off the context of their personalities and dynamic, it is obvious Theo is thrown into massive depression and self-loathing when sleeping with women (Carol, Kitsey, Julie). He describes the experiences of sleeping with women as something he is monotonously expected to do, something that makes him uncomfortable and ashamed, or something substandard, and he never colors his descriptions of his affairs with women with passion, relief, or pleasure. He is like an automaton, simply following society's rules of how he "should" act and behave (or what he believes is so), essentially a Live Action Roleplay of misery that he follows with total loathing but adament piousness to stave off the horrors of his PTSD.

Now this is a point because of the way Theo and Boris (1) feel power and (2) experience comfort. Theo feels comfort and safety and power when he is vulnerable. He spends the entire book presenting a tremelous facade of being untouchable, invulnerable, and aloof (sometimes forcibly) when all the while he is dying inside from post-traumatic stress. He is a monumentous wall that could crack if you rested a feather on it. Yet Theo desperately abandons that ruse when he runs and crushes the painting to himself, his only relief, his most vulnerable and relieving moments. Crying, curling his fingers over it, feeling safe and sound alone and soft and aching when no one is looking. His only peace. Well, until Boris. Until Boris came along and held and crushed Theo himself to his own chest (mirroring how Theo crushed the painting) as Theo would wake screaming, choked with sobs, lulled to sleep in Boris' comforting arms. Again, safe, vulnerable, at peace.

So what I am saying is, Theo feels emotional fulfillment and safety and comfort not from the expression of control or power (in fact his agency is very much deleted by those things, as he actively kills his soul little by little with his obsessive unhealthy control and perfectionism of his fake life). Theo is relieved by and emotionally fulfilled by the expression of vulnerability and reception of safety and love. His best self is brought out and his healing starts and he feels like himself - like he is whole, finally.

So while Theo was curled into Boris' arms accepting his vulnerability in front of one other person (apart from his mother aka the painting), Boris at the same time was also experiencing something he seldom received -- a feeling of power and control and guardianship and the actualization of his physical realness, the use of his body to not just be victimized by violence from his father and then depersonalized but the use of it to protect and care for another. A gigantic relief and comfort and avenue of self-realization for him (bookended in adolescence by his gutsy kiss when Theo left -- acts of bold physical interjection giving him a sense of accomplshment and emotional power... ahem: Shh, Potter).

Boris is the exact opposite of Theo, which is another reason why they likely got on so closely and keenly. They are compliments. Whereas Theo feels relief and freedom in vulnerability, Boris feels no safety or comfort in vulnerability. Boris deeply fears vulnerability as evidenced by: his unrelenting horrific physical abuse by his father, his playful childhood violence used to express emotionality, jerking away fearfully when Theo tries to attend to his wound, becoming ghastly terrified when Theo drowns him, his profession as a gang leader who is highly skilled in physical intimidation and defense weaponry (so much so that he saves both of their lives in the shootout and does in fact get the painting back, even if short-lived), his ultimately flippant and nonvocal reaction to being literally shot, his liberal use of a plethora of a drugs, his aesthetic presentation of imposing nicely cut dark clothes meant to exhibit an intimidating figure/presence, his deleterious dynamics with Kotku (physical violence) and Theo (emotionally fearful), his habit of frequent colorful lying, his theft of the painting likely for some insurance of livelihood as a starving child.

Boris does not feel empowered and safe when he is not in control of his physical body -- Boris feels comfort and pleasure when he is in a position of control and power over himself and others. He has adapted his developmental shortcomings to serve his life in what he sees as a positive way and find peace with it. He leads a gang, he is a wealthy man, he can fix Theo's problems, he says honestly he has a good life.

There is also the question of emotional vulnerability -- again, although Theo is hugely closed off and it is pretty much the premise of the book, when he is most happy and most free is when he is emotionally vulnerable. Theo writes that he, of course, loves Boris. He writes he is happy during their idyllic year together and is more emotionally forthcoming about it than anything else in the book. He becomes jealous over Kotku because she "assumes ownership" of Boris - the person he feels emotionally comfortable and safe with. His love for his mother is an enduring buoy in his life, the painting brings him emotional relief, he falls into Hobie's arms as a derelict child, he frets feverishly over Boris' wounded arm. He is most himself in vulnerability after a lifetime of emotional suffocation.

Boris is also highly distressed by emotional vulnerability, but in context of Boris&Theo, it is Boris who is more fearful of emotional vulnerability as children. Theo cries in Boris arms, seeks Boris out, finds emotional solace in Boris. Boris, unaccostumed to this safety flees it and searches out an eventually toxic dynamic between he and Kotku instead. Boris changes as he grows older: feeling guilt over stealing the painting, telling Theo to value his life - he is philosophical by nature. However this emotional cognizance does not translate to his physical life. In fact it is the other way around: Boris uses that physical power and safety he has cultivated to lend him strength and space and psychological protection so that he can be emotionally self-analytical. Theo has become emotionally hardened until reunited with the painting and Boris, having Boris brings back Theo's physical and emotional freedom.

so yeah, TL;DR Boris.

obviously life and relationships are complex and there is variation in any dynamic but it seems that would be their standard, mimicking their first cuddled childhood moments in a more adult manner (shh, potter). it's a reflection of their dynamic. Theo is open to giving himself physically to Boris (in many small ways) and Boris is upheld and strengthened (and made better physically and emotionally) by that trust. He craves it so much he longs for it for ten years. And that support makes Theo better in return. A positive cycle.

i have such a hard time even imagining Theo topping Kistey like, that poor guy. It must have been soooo dead for him. Kitsey on the other hand would've worn a strap on just so they could have even a little fun until their eventual breakup but Theo's third-eye isn't opened far enough.

#ask #anon #the goldfinch #boreo

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bringbackwendellvaughn · 4 years ago

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hi hello, i realize im like 2 years late so if your hype has already died out feel free to ignore this ask BUT if not, i really loved your Tbolts character analysis and justifications for a new team and I'd love to hear more about your fanon run? Please and thank you!

Oh thanks :D

I’ve been super-busy with my job as a teacher and it’s been a nightmare this year and I’ve not been able to afford to commission any covers for a long while. And its a shame because I have loads of Thunderbolts stuff, they were the first one I ever started thinking of fanon for.

I don’t have my file with me right now but I can remember some stuff...

I know one of my main directions for the team as a whole was to try and get them out of the more Suicide Squad-y set-ups they had been receiving since Nicieza left. I love Jeff Parker and his run, but I did want to get back to them being an actual super-hero team - a bunch of people who would show up alongside the Avengers and X-Men and FF and whoever during big Crisis events. I would maintain a link to The Raft prison but I would have them based out of their own headquarters somewhere else. I think back at Thunderbolts Mountain was what I went with. The Raft would still be explored a lot in the series and we’d get a look at a lot of other villains through that. I was always finding excuses to remind people Grizzly was technically once one of the Thunderbolts. In fact, with the Raft, there is a running joke I had thought of where whenever they are at The Raft (handing over a prisoner or whatever), the minor character Skeleton Ki - who featured on the Giant-Size cover - he is meant to be this master escape artist who can open any door so my idea was he would be a prisoner at The Raft and whenever we are there it is always the case he was either constantly escaping from his cell or being escorted back to his cell after failing to get anywhere beyond that.

The first two issues were the team fighting Red Hulk. Red Hulk had invaded a fictional country and was killing dictators so the Thunderbolts go to stop him before he ends up causing any more of a major international incident. This was also a nod-nod-wink-wink to Red Hulk stealing the Thunderbolts book all those years ago. I was likely going to blindly alter Red Hulk so that it wasn’t ever General Ross, over time my rules became looser and looser about what is and isn’t canon so one day I decided “it’s an alternative fanon, Red Hulk can always just have been Ross’ young protege that they later introduced in Parker’s run”.

The second issue cover was a homage (all the second issue covers would have a “homage” cover but usually not of the usual culprits) and it would have been a homage to Thunderbolts Prelude, a one-shot from 1997 reprinting the Hulk issue they debuted in. The new cover would swap Hulk for Red Hulk and Atlas for Man-KillerAmazon.

And she would also vanish after getting her arse kicked by Rulk. She would have gone her usual route of cut and running. She will be back and before she does come back, she would make a very brief appearance on Whirlwind’s Lethal Legion which attack the Pyms on their second honeymoon in my Avengers fanon (a group mostly made up of Pym enemies or Pym particle users). She would again cut and run from that group. Amazon would return issue 6/7. She would show up again at the Thunderbolts headquarters one day and this would be a big character thing for her, it’s hard to explain but it’d be like her returning is her first active step towards something better. Although maybe she only came back out of fear? Maybe because she had nowhere else to go? Amazon was one of the character’s I was most enthusiastic about, I love that there is this super-strong (one-time but now full-time) giantess with this really understated character arc from Nicieza’s run and some history with a lot of the team.

Songbird would be the team leader, I can’t remember how much I posted before, but she would be no area for debate about who is leading the team. It’s Songbird. It’s Songbird’s team. It always should have been Songbird’s team for a while now and other people - Zemo, Osborn, the Avengers - have held it from her. The Avengers would come to better understand and appreciate the Thunderbolts this time around. Cap is pretty okay with Songbird and Abe, he believes in them, but he’d always be less convinced about the rest of the team so that is part of the way Diamondback gets brought onto the team. To forge a bridge between the two teams but it wouldn’t be the case she is acting as a spy or a mole or anything. She’s just there to let Steve and the Avengers know what’s up and help the Thunderbolts get some clearance here and there. And also because Steve wants Rachel there, he knows Rachel being around people like Songbird and Abe will benefit her and the Thunderbolts by showing that yes there is a chance to be accepted as a reformed hero.

Abe... I have him back in his Beetle armor but he’d be still operating as MACH-5. The idea is that he just upgraded his armor and this time was feeling a bit retro so modelled it on his old Beetle armor. This is also explained in story as part of him accepting his past sort of. There’s a story involved to best explain this, it’s in Giant-Size, Diamondback proposes Constrictor as team-mate. Abe tracks him down and Constrictor instead mocks him for making himself over in the image of a hero and burying his history. So, he decides his next armor will embrace/acknowledge his past. The Other Beetle is still out there (and she’s the one calling herself Beetle).

Karla is so fun, she would get back to being a bit less selfish and accepting that these people are actually her friends. She’d still screw them over and manipulate them to hell, but she’s definitely not going to kill any of them. One thing would be exploring her past history with Blackout and how Blackout remains a bit fixated on her but he doesn’t have the best mental capacity for her to manipulate.

Blackout is a hard one to really wrap my head around. He’s back from the dead but he’s not all there (like he was in Thunderbolts #100). I like the idea of exploring the nature of his existence post-death, and kinda getting a bit freaky with how anorexic his body would be (I remember sending reference points that were all Deadman pieces by Kelley Jones). It’s hard to really justify any of these characters, besides Moonstone, abusing this seemingly barely functioning person who doesn’t have the mental ability for doing much besides following orders and being a bit creepy with Karla. I can see him getting benched a lot but I’m pretty sure - no matter how long I ran with it - i wouldn’t ever want to have him say a full sentence. He’s not a dumb zombie, he’s just a bit out of it and it is more like a character trait that he isn’t very communicative. The idea is that custody of Blackout fell to the Thunderbolts because the Commission don’t want him, prison or Ravencroft can’t hold him and Songbird agrees to take him off their hands to basically stop him from being used by a bad guy or falling into Zemo’s hands again or whatever.

Ghost... I can’t remember anything I do with Ghost. Sorry!! I mainly remember him and Karla being something of a double-act. He’s too clever/paranoid to be manipulated by her and she doesn’t even bother. I remember the first issue (which I wrote a whole script for!) had a scene with them just sat on the side offering commentary on Amazon on Blackout becoming part of the team.

Juggernaut. He would be back. I want him on the team, I always planned with him on the team, but I’m holding him back initially to allow the other characters a chance to exert their powers (especially, I don’t want him there to dominate the Rulk fight). He’d be back after the Zemo/Osborn story I think. I think the story thing was that Juggernaut was being held pending a trial for his actions committed while possessed in Fear Itself and so he was off-limits for the team. He’s eventually found innocent of those crimes and re-joins the team.

Sandman, I really want Sandman on the team but I’m also very adverse to just putting him on the team because I want him on the team. I never really had much to say with Sandman other than cementing or re-establishing the heroic side of the character from the 90s. I’m sure I had ideas for him but I can’t remember any of them without my files.

I’m sure the third issue was all about Zemo and Fixer (my 3rd issues were all a gimmick too, they would focus/feature a villain). Zemo has a lot of stuff going on, he is a complex character and so much more than just a villain or pretending/trying to be a hero. I am dumping so hard on Fixer, I am absolutely destroying the character but my take is “when I came up with these ideas, Fixer was dead and if I’m bringing him back I need to do something more substancial than just have him be back from the dead”. Personally, I think my idea for Fixer is not at odds and, while it is maybe exaggerating a few moments from old stories, but I basically see him as completely worn out by his hero days and his failed attempts to be accepted like Mel and Abe are. He’s wound up just turning back to Zemo, Zemo always accepted him, he is valuable and treat like he is important by Zemo. Zemo would have a huge plot at the end of the first year. He would go up against Norman Osborn, angered by Osborn usurping his Thunderbolts and believing his Dark Avengers scheme was copying his original Thunderbolts plan. It would end with Songbird and the others interjecting, especially highlighting Moonstone’s history with Dark Avengers, and the end-point would be Zemo denouncing Osborn and effectively not-so-subtly, writing Osborn out from a continued presence in Thunderbolts books. Oh, and Osborn skewering Andreas would indeed be brought up.

Speaking of, he would be back. In the first annual, we would learn that Andreas’ corpse was found by that sect of The Hand from Enemy of the State and since he was a Strucker, he was resurrected to lead them. It would be implied Zemo tipped them off to the whereabouts of Strucker’s body. Andreas would lead the Hand in an assault on The Raft under the pretense they are recruiting new soldiers but in truth Strucker is using them to get to Osborn and Bullseye (it happens before the above Zemo story and neither of them would actually appear). He would eventually stand down after encountering Songbird again and being reminded by her of his original mission of not being like his father. This would set him up as leading this sect of The Hand to do good ala Daredevil in Shadowland but obviously if Daredevil couldn’t do it, snotty Strucker brat isn’t going to succeed but for the time being he is out there doing stuff.

The second annual is a fun one-off story where Radioactive Man comes to Quicksilver (this is all hinging on one quick scene in Mighty Avengers where they pointed out how they were both heroes now). Chen wants Pietro to put together a Thunderbolts squad to break Collective Man out of a Russian gulag. Part of this is borne from one of my original ideas which was having Quicksilver take on Hawkeye’s leader role. I can’t remember the exact team but I know Finesse was on there, Man-Ape was too and he deserts them immediately. The big one was Crossfire because there was an awesome Quicksilver moment at the end where after they have completed the mission, Pietro beats the shit out of him - breaks his arms and legs - and leaves him behind to presumably be thrown in the same gulag Collective Man was. I remember he’s like “I don’t have many friends but Clint Barton is one of the few I truly do consider more than an acquaintance. You killing Mockingbird’s mother and her desire to eventually exact revenge on you will likely drive another wedge in their attempts to repair their relationship... so I picked you for this team, Crossfire, to stop you from causing any more harm to their lives.” (or something like that)

Eventually there was going to be a “Thunderbolts International” (a riff on Justice League International) which would be a one-off rival team led by Dallas Riordan comprised of Atlas, Jolt, Radioactive Man, Blizzard, Speed Demon, Boomerang, Skein and Cyclone. I think that would be the ... 25th issue? issue 200. It would be a chance to include some of those guys I love but can’t fit on the team. (edit: just remembered this leads into a cool story where a combination of some of both teams end up transported into Kree space). Atlas wouldn’t rejoin the team but the very very final story in my run is an Atlas story. Something of a tragedy where Atlas steps up and is a great hero and nobody will ever know. This would be a big Atlas vs. Fixer epic which i just realised also has a nice undertone of highlighting that they were the two who sided with Zemo back in Thunderbolts #12.

(edit: there was also another team they’d go up against called the Renegades - a team comprised of American Eagle, Sepulchre, Steel Spider and Jack Flag - who recall the Osborn Thunderbolts and as such are very anti-Thunderbolt)

I think there’d be another ad-hoc team at some point, that last story might see Atlas step up and lead one, of which Mentallo would be a member. Mentallo probably should factor into my character assassination of Fixer. I’m so sorry to Fixer fans, he’s going so unhinged. Batroc is another guy I want to throw in somewhere. Most the guys on that cover to Giant-Size Thunderbolts 1 either feature explicitly in that story (with the idea of them being Thunderbolts directly referenced) or will be prominently in another part of the run.

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