#what if i [very violent things to myself]

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

[digitalcarcrash]

thinking about alex being a hardcore pacifist pre-operator, yeah sure he's bitchy to everyone more often than not but Physically he wouldn't hurt a fly, only for him to wind up breaking one of his best friend's leg with a block of cement

[thistransient]

I have a heinous sunburn, my tailbone region is bruised and abraded, my stomach issues resolved after 800mg of anti-dysentery pills, I have a newfound and passionate appreciation for hot water and paved roads, and we finally made it back to the city today. This was probably one of the most unwise yet exhilarating things I've ever done in my life. Also I saw more yaks.

[vaguely-concerned]

I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling

[im-smart-i-swear]

unable to let go

something something both of these fuckers have spent so long depending on each other that they cant function w/o the other guy despite Tashi's continously worsening mental state and unhealthy clinginess and Soup's desire to explore the world and meet new people...

like the thing about soup is that she had never really been a person who does well stuck in one place for too long, but also tashi is her brother. theyve been through hell and back together and she feels immense guilt for even considering having a life outside of their little family, and also she has NOT worked through her gladiator trauma AT ALL and has been just holding everything in and trying to be a perfect caring figure despite all the anger and frustration she experiences on a daily basis...

(tashi is dealing with that too, but hes never been as good as her at hiding it, and also he has the tendency to make this stuff everyones problem - thus sidelining soups problems by accident. i think soup is kind of what tashi desperately WANTS to be, in a way. on the outside shes the 'stoic selfless caregiver' and i think tashi is jealous of that, so much so that he sometimes forgets that soup is just as much a person with her own problems and desires and flaws as everyone else)

soup is frustrated by how shes been having to take more and more responsibilities as time goes on (bc of tashis Whole Thing and buddys fear of assuming any kind of leadership position) and a part of her loathes this life and she wants to leave. i think her and zoras relationship plays a big role in her feeling on the matter bc shes NOT part of the family, shes someone new and diffrent and thats enticing... also over the years soup had built up this calm easygoing persona that zora can see through, zora is very aware of soups violent past and she is not sfraid of it, giving soup a safe space to express those more negative feelings freely for the first time in YEARS

Its very hand in unlovable hand coded but they very much love each other still and thats kinda the problem

Also putting some notes on their younger selves here bc this feels relevant to how these two ended up

[her-canine-teeth]

paper doll by flower face

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

[cathalbravecog]

wait hold on frostbite is (part) cog??? did I hear that right?

if so can I throw a pie at them will they be fine

frostbite isn't part cog - they ARE a cog. they were built to look like a toon to be like a spy toon (by brian, actually) but things went wrong and they rebelled and now do goofy things while having to like.. PRETEND to be a normal toon or like - not let others know they're actually just a cog when around other toons (that aren't a part of their club)

but with other cogs they usually care about this less, but they gotta trust em more before they 'drop hints'. though they are stupid and reckless as hell and probably a lot of toons know they're a cog but Don't Care.

anyways! they have two types of hp! their normal cog hp and their toon laff! once they go sad and are damaged in that state the cog damage they take starts to show and actually does something. but also, even at full laff when attacked with heavy gags it will still do notable damage. but like, fruit pies and such might not do much. think of it as cartoon logic - the amount of damage they take depends on the situation or whether or not it's funny. also they're almost always overcharged as this thing lowkey has an oil addiction

like...its mORE COMPLICATED THAN THIS and has MORE THOUGHT IN IT but i dont feel like over explaining rn.

ANYWAYS TO ACTUALLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: a pie, yeah they will be fine. just annoyed and take like a tiny bit of damage that goes unnoticed probably. hey fun fact they tend to violently act out. Run.

[altruistic-meme]

im not still aggressively salty about the reasons i didn't get diagnosed with adhd :) what do you mean :))

[harrowharkwife]

x

[mirmidones]

just understood a little of what moms experience when the teacher tells them their kid is a pleasure to have in class bc the vet just told me lucy was the best behaved cat they had all morning and a pleasure to deal with

[nowendil]

i really dont get what my problem is!!

[plantpest]

some one sent lionfloss an anon that linked to ur weird rant about havekat & everyone assumes it u sending this message around lmao

so annoying. if people want to reblog it that's fine, but please don't send it as a link to anyone who didn't ask for it

[blackmoldmp3]

INSANE PERSON THOUGHTS OUT OF NOWHERE??? ON A FRIDAY NIGHT????????

[girl-bateman]

"Do you have a relationship with your dad? You never talk about him." DRAGGED BY A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD WHAT THE FUCK

[pizzapizzadickz]

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