#what i have to do to get it back) is like. zero. but anyways i have to go to college without a phone

[lightofraye]

Hey! Love your blog! I appreciate your insight and opinions on all things Elta and Jensen. I’ve seen the cracks for years.

I was prompted to come to your page and ask your opinion about the most recent (like just posted) video of Elta going through Jensen’s closet to find a shirt.

He tells her repeatedly “no” and then he when he says “that’s my favorite” she dismisses him and says “perfect”. The next shot is her distressing his shirt.

I don’t know about you, but that just pissed me off. Why not let the grown man pick the shirt out. He’s not a toddler! Of course her shirt was a plain white shirt. 🙄

Anyway, thanks for reading and keep up the amazing writing.

I'm suddenly wishing I could title this post with:

The Bitch Is Back!

Oh, not you! I mean her!

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Y'know... the bitch wife with zero respect for her husband and his belongings. The one who decided to make it clear she didn't respect him and destroy his favorite shirt because.... reasons.

Oh, right. The "shirt auction". The one that won't go to the people in need and will in fact line Misha Collins' pockets (and some of Danneel's) instead?

We know why she picked Jensen's shirt. Not just to torment him, destroy a favorite shirt. It's because she knows none of hers will get even remotely the same mileage as his would. He had a record auction bid for one of his shirts a few years ago. Like... $4,500 or close to it.

Hers probably wouldn't crack $500. And she knows it.

Then she tokenizes the kids again. (This absolutely negates the arguments by her stans that she doesn't.)

To top it off--she completely ignores that it's his favorite. Yes, he probably could go buy another one. That doesn't matter. It's a shirt from his time on Supernatural. A good reminder. She's destroying it, disrespecting him again, and showing him he can't have any joy. She'd just destroy it all.

And I've seen folks go "Oh, hear that moan at the end of the video!" That wasn't a moan. That was a scoff, a "Uh!"--the kind where someone goes "OMG, you're seriously doing this despite me saying 'no'?" That's not a moan of pleasure. That's a groan of pain. Of distress.

Wanna know what's worse? She throws in a plain white shirt, probably not even hers. Probably just bought off the rack at a store so she could pass it as hers.

Even more distressing? Why doesn't Arrow recognize her father's shirt? If he was around as often as his stans (and hers) claim, surely he would've worn it at least once in rotation around Arrow.

Lastly, notice that picture Arrow is drawing. Notice the number of people on it? There's four.

Two males, two females, supposedly. There's five in the Ackles household. Jensen, JJ, Arrow, Zeppelin... and Danneel. Where's the missing girl?

Oh. I know.

It's missing Danneel. Because Arrow doesn't include her in her precious memories with her visitations with her father. Because you know that's all this trip was--him paying a visit to the kids. And likely forcing him to participate in this bullshit.

Yes. I know that implies he has no spine. Pay attention to what I've been arguing, folks. He's in a rock and a hard place. And yes, he's timid. Saying 'no' to Danneel might make things worse.

It's just tragic how his and her stans are missing a key aspect here: respect. There's none of it in this at all. Danneel disrespects him about his shirt, his privacy, his feelings.

If the relationship had faded into what Jessica Alba recently described about her marriage to Cash, okay, that happens in a lot of marriages. But what shouldn't fade is respect.

There's none of it. Zero.

I was just talking to a friend of mine whose husband, while not abusive like Danneel (though maybe a touch emotionally abusive), has shown absolutely zero respect for my friend. As in, when he cut his hand at work--nothing too serious, though yes, it needed stitches--he played it up so hard that on top of work and taking classes for a promotion, she had to do everything. And did he thank her? Appreciate her? No. When she had a fever, he didn't even care to cook her a meal.

In a conversation we just had, because this Danneel topic brought it up, she asked me privately:

"Is this life telling me to leave?"

I asked her if she wanted me to answer honestly or lie. She asked for honesty. So I did, as gently as I could:

"Yes. He doesn’t respect you. He makes it obvious. If he cared—doesn’t have to be “love”—he wouldn’t have thrown a tantrum over gummy bears. He would’ve treated you better. You—and Jensen and myself and everyone else—deserve better."

Whether there was love or not, there should always be respect.

To top it off, there's now a discussion as to whether that was really Jensen. Because 1, they were real careful not to show their reflection in the mirrors; 2, the voice could be easily faked with AI (thanks a lot, AI).

I'm on the fence myself about it.

And hey, while we're on the topic.... why the fuck are there nails on Arrow's fingers? She's far too young to be wearing fake nails. I mean, seriously.

It could be damaging to the nail beds. It can cause injury. Their bodies are still growing and developing. We shouldn't be dyeing their hairs (I'm looking at how frequently JJ's hair color changed over the years) nor putting on fake nails.

Dear Danneel, you're not being a "cool mom". But I shouldn't be surprised. Bad mom, bad wife, bad activist.

Bad person.

Edit: As are the stans. The fuck, y'all.

[would-you-punt-them]

Your technology curse is my roman empire.

Honestly, for the past couple of months I've been having more tech problems than usual, and if anyone has an explanation for this I'd love to hear it.

It started last year when my desktop finally stopped working; it would power on, attempt to start up, and then immediately shut itself down again.

I decided to just leave it, because for as long as I can remember it's always kinda done whatever it feels like. Like, I have to unplug it when I go to sleep because it likes to turn itself on in the middle of the night for literally no reason.

I thought maybe if I just left it alone, there was a chance it would eventually decide to wake itself up on its own. But after a while it became pretty clear that this really was the end. I mean, the thing was pretty old and already barely functional, so it was bound to die sooner or later.

I left it at home collecting dust for a couple months until I went back for the holidays. When I got back, I tried it again, and still nothing.

If modern technology had failed, then clearly the only reasonable solution was to tap into what little vestiges of dark power I still possessed to summon its soul back to the material plane in a profane ritual. Also I was super bored and didn't have anything else going on that day and desparately needed something to do.

So, I spent that afternoon using salt to draw out what I imagined a magic circle might look like, put the computer in the centre, covered all the windows and then spent two hours in a dark room pretending to commune with its machine spirit dwelling on the other side or whatever.

I swear to god, two days later the stupid thing turned itself on at like 1 in the morning for the first time in three months. Then the next day the lights in my room stopped working with zero warning.

For some reason ever since then my life has basically operated on the law of equivalent exchange; whenever one thing is miraculously fixed, within 24 hours something else will inexplicably break.

Someone came round to fix the lights, and later that day my electric razor (which was pretty much brand new) randomly stopped working. About a week after that, my night light that hasn't worked in forever magically became functional, while my kettle immediately broke even though it had been fine that same morning.

Just to prove I wasn't going crazy, I went and dug out the oldest thing I could find, my 3DS that's been broken since like 2018, and tried to get it to work, which should be straight up impossible. Except it now works fine, and like clockwork the next morning my toothbrush wouldn't turn on. This shit just keeps happening and I'm not sure what I did to deserve it.

Anyway, my phone has started going on the fritz, so who knows, maybe it'll shut down in a week and bring my fucking Bop-It back to life.

[wtfaniii]

Okay firstly hi. I saw u take req for wlw stuff so wondering if u could do like In-ho's daughter (reader)also joining the games with him and they're stayed together most of the time until in mingle where when it was two players in a room reader first didn't know with who she should go with so she was playing on staying alone since nothing would happen to her but then she got pulled in a room with 380 (Se-mi) where she totally falled for her and now has an identity crisis because she still believes she's straight

Ok I made this right after seeing a pov with her and I was inspired, I hope you like it

I Wanna Be Yours

Summary: You, a girl with many problems from the life you were leading, decide to follow your father on a mission as an infiltrator, at first you are not very interested, you just wanted to get out of your comfort zone, but suddenly your eyes meet... ¿her?

Warning: typical violence of the series, internal conflicts, In-ho going out of character to be emotional support

Se-mi player 380 x fem reader blonde¡! (wlw)

English is not my original language!

master list!¡

When you infiltrated these games you had low expectations, you had already seen before through cameras and a mask but doing them yourself, being another player certainly awakened the adrenaline in your body.

You already knew that they would play, you had helped the frontman organize them and choose each one but now you regretted a little for having given the brilliant idea of ​​having the lights turn on and off constantly just to increase the fear in the players.

The platform turned and turned under your feet, your heart was beating normally but for some strange reason your breathing became more intense, once again adrenaline began to flow through your system as you heard the children's music echo throughout the place.

—¿What do you think the next number is? —Jung-bae asked next to you with notable nervousness.

—Dos —respondiste sin pensar mucho.

—¿How do you know?

—The number of players and the number of doors —Young-il said quickly, you hadn't noticed the small mistake that could have put your identity at risk —There can only be two players per room, the first to arrive will be saved.

You nodded in agreement and continued looking forward, knowing that your father would reprimand you later for that mistake.

"Two"

The robotic voice rang throughout the place and in a matter of seconds each player grabbed his partner and ran without looking back.

You ran through the crowd without knowing exactly who to grab because the rest of your group had already grabbed their respective partner and only you were left, "great dad" you thought rolling your eyes but he had his reasons for leaving you there, anyway they weren't going to kill you even if you lost.

Despite the disturbance, you walked calmly through the place looking for an empty room so you could go in alone, you didn't realize that the counter was about to reach zero.

Ni siquiera te diste cuenta cuando un jugador corrió hacia ti, simplemente sentiste que alguien tiraba fuerte y firme de tu brazo y te introducía en una sala verde.

As soon as you heard the "click" of the door close you looked up to see who had dragged you there, at that moment, you were sure that your eyes shone like they usually do in the fairy tales that mom told you when you were little.

—A thanks is enough —Se-mi said with disdain while taking deep breaths.

Her short black hair caught your attention, it fit perfectly with his features, his skin looked so soft and shiny from the sweat that adorned his face, your eyes landed on his lips, pink and thin, pretty.

—Stop seeing me like that —She demanded and you immediately looked away.

Hearing her voice for the second time was like music to your ears, it sounded so firm, confident, the complete opposite of the expression that was forming on her face, you frowned, ¿why did you feel this? Damn.

You reviewed her words mentally, you hadn't even realized that you completely ignored the life or death situation that should torment you and the sound of gunshots coming from outside, it was as if she had stolen your brain and rational sense just by looking into her eyes.

¿What the hell was happening you?

—Thank you —You said, feigning more anguish —You saved me

Se-mi remained silent this time but looked at you curiously, ¿why did you seem not to be afraid? ¿Were you very brave, very stupid or were you hiding something?

For the first time you felt the room around you suffocating, it was strange, you wanted to get out and get away from her because of what she was making you feel but at the same time you didn't want to do it, her aroma filled your nose, a sweet mixture, traces of the perfume she used before coming here, mixed with the adrenaline that her body emanated.

The seconds felt eternal, for the two girls who were there, and as soon as the door opened you were the first to leave at full speed.

However, as you let your feet guide you back to the huge room with the other players, your mind still wandered to the features of that girl with the number 380 emblazoned on her clothes.

—¿Are you fine? —Your father's hand on your shoulder brought you out of the thoughts.

You nodded.

But you didn't feel good.

You had never before experienced these mixed emotions that accumulated in your stomach, you had not had a boyfriend or girlfriend, you had arrived on this island since you were a girl and therefore your social life only focused on masked soldiers and your father.

In-ho was a busy man, you knew it, therefore you had never talked to him about love or relationships between couples, incredible, you knew how to handle all kinds of weapons and hand grenades but you didn't know what people felt when they liked others.

—Not really —You decided to correct your previous answer, it wasn't the time but you needed your father —¿What did you feel when you saw mom for the first time?

Your question caught him off guard, he stopped walking down the endless stairs and turned to look at you with a raised eyebrow.

—¿Really? ¿Now?

You raised your shoulders and put your hands in the pockets of jacket, the other players behind you complained about having stopped the line and continued moving forward with him telling you that would talk about it at lunch time.

As you continued walking you felt a pair of eyes on you so turned your head a little to discover who was looking at you so much but instantly regretted it when you met their 380 gaze.

Once again your heart beat with speed

��Why was she looking at you? ¿Did you catch her attention the way she caught yours? ¿Was she having the same doubts? Without realizing it your hands were sweating inside your pockets.

—Well… talk to me —In-ho sat next to you, a little apart from the rest of the group because they didn't know what your family bond was or your respective true identities.

Cautiously and without omitting any details, you told him exactly how that person made you feel since you saw, how his eyes captivated you and his aroma attracted you like a mouse to hot bread.

After a couple of minutes in which he listened to you attentively and in silence, he finally spoke with a soft smile.

—I'm glad you experienced the attraction for the first time —He paused and his smile diminished a little —but I don't like that you did it in this place... You have to keep in mind that if he dies…

—She —You interrupted him, looking down at your food —It's not he… it's, She...

In-ho looked at you in silence for a few seconds, increasing the anxiety in your body until he spoke again calmly and confidently.

—Listen… I know you lived under rules and orders for several years but this is not like that… For love there are no rules or a guide and in this case, you don't have to worry if it's a he or a she, but here…

—I know —You said with slight frustration running your hands through your golden hair, you didn't want her to die, whatever the reason she was here you didn't want her body to end up in a gift box.

—Just don't do something reckless.

And with that short conversation your father stood up and left again with Gi-hun to continue with his plan, you were grateful for the little time he gave you but you still felt confused.

During the next few hours you were not focused, you cast fleeting glances around the huge room looking for her and you did not see her until the votes, she voted by scratch, she wanted to leave, strange, when you saw her you noticed the blue circle on the left side of her chest.

The votes had been tied so they would repeat the votes the next day but you could feel the tension between both sides and the last straw was a fight in the men's bathroom where five players died.

You knew what was coming now, you had seen it several times before, the special game

At night this place would be a battlefield full of blood, hatred and death, the forks in your food would be weapons and the players themselves would become killing machines as soon as the lights went out.

Gi-hun gathered a small number of players on his side to come up with a plan, they would form a rebellion to get out of here, how naive, if they knew they had the leader of this place among them maybe would have won this fight, you thought silently.

But your head was also thinking about someone else, about a certain black-haired woman who was in her bed playing with the rings on her fingers.

Your eyes looked at her analytically, she looked so calm but at the same time worried, there was something that worried her, immediately your eyes moved to the opposite side where you saw player 124 looking at her with hatred, contempt and other negative emotions that only meant one thing in this place.

Kill.

"Don't do anything reckless"

Your father's words resonated in your head, you lowered your gaze and continued listening like 456 but occasionally you turned to look at her once more.

So until the lights of the emorme room went out, the glow of the figures on each side was the only thing visible among the darkness and the soft murmuring mixed with soft breathing became present, you followed the plan and the instructions and went under the bed to just watch as the players killed each other.

But you heard a scream that caught your attention, you saw 124 attacking the girl who had taken over your head and without thinking twice you came out of your hiding place despite hearing your father's protests, here he couldn't protect you, in this game you could die like any other player but you didn't care.

You ran until you reached them and with a kick you pushed him away from Se-mi who fell to the ground exhausted from the confrontation, if it hadn't been for you she would already be dead.

—Get away from her —You hissed, watching him with disdain as he stood up again with a broken glass bottle in his hand.

—¡This is not your business! —Nam-gyu raised the bottle and tried to stab it in your face but you skillfully moved away and hit him in the chest with a strong, concise movement.

As a result, he lost his breath and his balance for a few seconds, but being highly drugged, the adrenaline was in his favor and he managed to throw himself at you once again, this time managing to make a cut on the side of your abdomen.

A stab of pain invaded you and you stumbled back, he was going to attack you again but Se-mi took him off of you and pushed him down the stairs, she was barely going to ask you if you were okay when you took his hand and pulled away from there, both ran through the chaos and hid under a bed.

—You're bleeding —She said seeing the wound in your abdomen, it was not lethal but it was scandalous.

—I'll be fine —You responded with a soft smile.

The closeness between you and her was great, you could now see with perfection and fascination each of her facial features, her bright eyes, her thin lips, the piercing that decorated her nose and the black ribbon that hugged her neck.

You could practically hear your heart beating.

And you knew you weren't the only one, she also kept her gaze fixed on you.

—Thank you for saving me... —She murmured close to you to the point where you could feel his breath hit your face.

You didn't answer anything but millions of words crossed your head, you wanted to tell her many things "you are beautiful ¿what did you do to me?" maybe even kiss her but you knew this wasn't the right time and you still weren't sure what you felt or if she felt the same.

When the lights came back on and the guards came in to remove the bodies, you ignored the plan that 456 had said, you just stayed with her, you wanted to do it.

Even when Young-il talked you into going with them to the rebellion you refused and stood by Se-mi's side, receiving an unreadable look from he.

But he didn't insist and left you with the other players while he betrayed his entire team.

—¿Won't you go with them? —She asked you curiously as she bandaged the wound on your body, her hands felt like heaven on your skin but you kept your face serene throughout the entire process.

—No, I'm where I should be.

You had changed sides, you would not be a soldier again, you just wanted to be with Se-mi, get her out of there alive and pay any debt she owes.

Incredible the things someone can do for love.

And In-ho understood that which is why he gave you full control over the decisions you would make from now on.

[eliotquillon]

What do you think about the relationship between the ducklings with cuddy & wilson

taking ducklings to just mean the original gang, here. anyway. oh my god i actually have another use for the flowchart i made for my friend group’s niche powerpoint night (wherein i attempted to speedrun an explanation of house, duh):

as you can see on my handy dandy diagram, there’s a pretty big divide between the fellows and the ‘adults’ (specifically wilson and cuddy). i think it was @all-pacas who pointed out the one-way system between the adults and the fellows, wherein the adults are allowed to peer down but rarely engage with the fellows’ drama directly, so i won’t rehash that because her explanation is great and also i’m running on not a lot of sleep atm (it is deadline season). so let’s move onto the individuals.

i’ve talked about cameron’s relationship with wilson before: not really friends, but definitely more than just distant colleagues (which is essentially what wilson is to chase; they get basically zero scenes together until after cameron leaves lol). so i’ll skim over that because that post was pretty long and there’s no way i’ll rephrase it better over here (i’ll drop a link in the replies if i have time). moving on…cuddy and cameron is interesting, because they butt heads not that infrequently in s2 and 3; i’m thinking specifically of cuddy’s general eyeroll reaction to articlegate here, and also cameron’s massive wave of irritation at cuddy trying to intervene during camchase fwb era, but there are definitely way more examples i’m just not remembering specifics about. i think, on the whole, this is mostly because a) cameron and cuddy have pretty dominant, not entirely dissimilar personalities that clash when put together closely, and b) cameron in general really chafes at being judged/told what to do by anyone who isn’t house. absolutely hilarious to me that cameron gets invited to her baby naming ceremony but tbh the pettiness drops off pretty sharply after s3 so maybe they do make water cooler small talk in the background. for everyone’s dignity i will not properly acknowledge the weird ‘does cameron still have feelings for house uwu’ thing cuddy tries to investigate during saviors, because if i think about that episode too long i start twitching and i think it smells fear, but like. that is also a thing, for like five whole seconds. although to be clear if cameron parallels any of house’s other love interests it is stacy (in the grand camchase reenactment of house/stacy). anyway i do appreciate that cuddy is one of the few people who cameron drops the mask with and isn’t actively trying to win over. but also you know what i’m like. i want everyone to be friends and frolic in a field together and i do think cameron and cuddy’s friction is a leeetle bit suspicious (misogyny) when they’re the only main female characters for the first three seasons. but i digress.

onto chase: as previously discussed, he and wilson do Not Talk until cameron leaves. i’m pretty sure they don’t have a solo scene at all until private lives but please don’t quote me on that. and this…makes sense to me. wilson and chase are very different—not in a ‘ooo fight about it’ way but just in a ‘they’d have nothing to really talk about or bond over besides house’ way, yknow? wilson is hyperinvested in his patients. chase really doesn’t gaf outside of notable exceptions (usually children or nuns). and unlike with cameron, chase doesn’t spend anywhere near enough time with wilson for proximity to create any kind of fondness. i’m sure it’s cordial, and i am fond of the idea of them working together with cameron to Gaslight House at the start of s4, but that’s about it. as for cuddy and chase: pretty much the same? i mean chase doesn’t really have a problem with shrugging and going ‘lol not my problem’ to cuddy whenever she tries to rope him and cameron back in to deal with house in s4 and s5, but that’s not personal to cuddy, it’s more about his #boundaries era with house. and chase is like…infamously a kissass. cuddy does specifically say to house in human error that chase is a good doctor (she’s really the one harassing him to un-fire chase), and she clearly liked him enough to give him a position in the surgery department after he left diagnostics, so clearly he has made a decent impression on her…but that’s not really about chase as a person. i think cuddy likes him, and chase is kind of ambivalent about her, but like. even if she were not dean of medicine i can’t really see them hanging out. yknow?

saved the best for last: FOREMAN. i love that we see foreman calling out wilson’s bullshit in the pilot. one of my favourite gags in lines in the sand is foreman’s half hearted wave of acknowledgement when wilson walks in and sees them all ddxing in his office. it’s so cheeky. obviously it must kill house to have to answer to foreman in s8 but yknow what i bet it killed WILSON just as much. ultimate passive aggression vs straight up aggression-off. i think they both die inside at the knowledge that, by s5 at least, they’re the ones best equipped to deal with house’s nonsense but equally i think wilson is secretly thrilled that foreman stands up to house all the time. they’re so frenemies coded. and as for foreman and CUDDY…they crack me up sometimes. i love love their powerplay with each other at the start of s4. i love seeing cuddy relish in dangling promotion over him and then yanking it away in s2. in another life this could’ve been such a great forbidden ship dynamic. as the kids say, she is just always clocking his tea. i so wish she could’ve given foreman the telling off of his life about his misadventures with the huntington’s trial. foreman is just so allergic to Not Having conflict it tickles me!

[multiheadcanons]

TF2 GAMEPLAY RANT: I AM A BAD MEDIC AND I WILL NOT SWITCH CLASSES.

subtitle: having fun playing games as a support main with horrible habits

i’ll stick this under a read more since it is literally me going on a full blown rant about gameplay. you can read it if you’d like! i exclusively play medic, i don’t play any other class. and the way i play medic influences the way i write him. so if you want heavily removed source musings of tf2 medic and having fun playing games, feel free to peruse yourself!

you heard it here first folks.

i am a bad medic with about 100 hours on the guy.

i am a chronic overextender with zero movement finesse, i am almost always entirely out of position— if not completely lost on the map as the team’s healer, i will favor power classes with my heals unless i can use a scout as a taxi to get closer to the front lines faster, i will run into the same sniper sightline five times and give the surprised pikachu face when i am headshotted every time before i think to take a different route, i can’t hit a crossbow shot on an enemy or a teammate at point blank, i regularly forget what team i’m on and if i’m not laser focused on spies and spychecking (see: not doing my job as a medic which is to have that medigun out and on at all times) i will die to them every single time.

i am a bad medic.

i just spent the last three hours getting my absolute shit rocked on casual badwater basin, and about thirty minutes to an hour of that getting harassed by a guy— not even on my team, or maybe he was, i don’t know lmao— about how dogshit of a medic i was.

maybe i didn’t heal him enough. i was definitely dying before i could get a full uber nine times out of ten, and i have a horrible habit of running directly into fire on the field, and i cannot time an uber to save my life or my team’s. there was a point where there were four medics on the team and i had to genuinely ask myself damn… am i really that bad of a medic?

we were getting our asses kicked. so bad. it wasn’t even funny.

but here’s the thing: i was having fun.

even with three other medics joining me in the joyless work of healing the team and not dying and popping your uber right when it’s needed and not dying before you get the uber and not wasting the uber (i died so many times with an unused uber bc i didn’t know when to use it to best help the team) and checking your back for their spy running around with the YER not to mention the rest of the enemy team which is for some reason functioning like a well oiled machine while we have taken an active hit to our damage output because we now have four medics—

or maybe i just suck.

but i had fun.

support classes, healing classes in any fps really are for the people like me— who can’t hit a shot and frankly refuse to learn. for the people who don’t want to be directly in the action, because we refuse to learn how to aim on a computer, so we are easy pickings for anyone who has half a braincell and working eyes and minimal carpal tunnel, but close enough to it that we see the carnage. people who cannot reliably toggle through weapons, are trying to learn the maps, can’t jump high enough to even reach some of the places the other mercs are and at this point are too scared to ask.

and it makes me think of the other day, when i hopped on for a few hours and (after dying repeatedly) saw multiple messages through the chat with what i could only think at the time were sarcastic jabs at a medic, there was two at the time and i was the one dying, so you know— if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck…

it’s not been my week on the servers, i think. but i am still having fun.

i love playing medic. i am normally the only or one of two medics on a team at any given time. and i like it that way. and i love having a second, better medic on the team. i try to study them, see how they stay alive so long. it’s hard in the heat of battle. but i’m dead half the time so i’m watching through the killcams anyway. and it looks to be a lot of staying behind corners, standing, crouching, watching, waiting. and that’s… fair.

i just don’t want to play that way.

i love the way i play medic more than i actually want to be strategically good and effective to the maximum extent as a medic.

i love jumping into the heat of the front lines, getting that soldier that’s at 22 as he falls back to reload then quickly moving to the scout at 10 to get him the fuck out of dodge so he can get to a medkit and maybe if i’m fast enough getting to the demo at 64 and taking more damage and dying anyway to the sniper before the payload even reaches the next checkpoint, hearing the ding of the checkpoint captured while i wait to return to the realm of the living. i love getting lost on the maps, standing on an empty edge of the map as the team is yelling for me, and i’m not listening. i love taking in the scenery. i can’t help but laugh when my kamikaze stunt of jumping in puts me in the middle of the enemy team. i love making batshit pushes for intel with two heavies. it is a rush to place myself behind aggressive players and do my best to keep them alive. i screech when we succeed. and i feel as though i am a good sport. if a spy gets me, they got me! that’s on me and my team for not spychecking! we know they exist!

and i like having aggressive and knowledgeable players help me and in extent the team by telling me what to do! i am a support class! i am not supposed to even be on the front lines! tell me when to pop my uber! tell me which way we’re flanking! warn me if you peek the corner first and see the entire team charging at us! i am your doctor! i will throw myself in front of those bullets and die happily if it means you will get those extra hits! i will be back shortly! just don’t die before then! let me know when i’m overextending, when i need to fall back, i want to be a good medic, i want to be the most use to my team i can be!

but i also want to have fun! i just don’t want to learn how to aim!

i am just the healer. and my motto is if you’re taking damage and you’re by the payload or on a point you are my top priority. if my job is to heal you, and we’re on payload, get to the cart, because that’s where i’m headed if i’m not there already. if you want to push for the intel on 2fort even though they have five sentry nests put up but you need a doctor to try to keep three to four of you alive as long as possible to at least bust two of the sentry nests, though you’ll settle for one, i’ll be right behind you each step of the way. and honestly, know that i am a bad medic! my doctorate is in crayon and the syringe gun is for show! i’ve never consensually removed a body part in my life! i’m here to have a good time and die a whole lot doing dumb shit!

and i will not switch to soldier. i will not switch to pyro! i will not switch to a class i don’t want to play, an “easier” class, a “less important” class and leave the team down a doctor entirely in the hopes someone better decides to pick the class! i like to play the medic! i want to play the medic! in fact, i almost like being a bad medic more. anytime someone groans about a bad medic i snicker a bit, and i heal them less.

appreciate the medigun or die without it.

anyway. remember when playing games was fun and people didn’t act like they were getting paid for the shifts they put in on team fortress 2? i initially titled this “medic and spitting in the face of meta to embrace in the arms of theme” because it is essentially what i do. i stomp all over the meta of what it means to play a support class, what it means to be a healer and heal your team to instead do team fortress 2 battle roleplay and giggle the whole time. and again, i acknowledge i am a bad medic. but dammit, people get healed. and when the shit works, it works. and the feeling i get can only be matched if i injected meth directly into my bloodstream and took five bumps of coke. because i like to have fun when i play my sexy german man. i follow the better medics so i can die before them. im like bait for the enemy team. even if i can’t make it to the full uber, what you don’t know is there’s another medic behind me about to pop. but back when i first started playing i was exclusively a battle medic. the medigun never touched my hands. i was just a stock medic running around bonesawing people.

so maybe it truly is old habits dying hard.

i’m still having fun either way

and i won’t switch classes.

and truly, am i that bad if all the medics are averaging the same amount of heals?

like if it’s just me and i average 10k heals, and another medic joins and we both average 5k, and another one joins and we’re each averaging 3-4k; is it the medic sucking caged cock and balls or is the team just not as good as they think they are?

but that’s a rant for another day. i’m gonna stop it here.

anyway. pick a class, and if you like playing it, don’t change. play until you get better.

and if you end up on or against my team, know i’m not gonna be mad if i die to your YER forty times. i also won’t be mad if you take me by my scruff and say i’m your medic. i’ll do my best to stay by your side. don’t die without me.

and if you’re an enemy medic i will never attack you as a medic i’m sorry you will never get your medic on medic fight. all enemy medics get free bottomless kills on max if you can catch me to do so and don’t put yourself out of position in my team.

i’ll fucking destroy you as a pyro though. don’t pray too hard for those random crits because my w + m1 is constant.

[flovoid]

WTH. SINCE WHEN I REACHED 1K FOLLOWERS IN SIMBLR WHAT-

[tinystepsforward]

ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".

like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!

on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.

returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body

literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

y'all i am starting my *checks notes* seventh (7th) book of the year tonight, which as i'm sure you can see means i am coping Very Well with all of life's stressors thanks,

[airenyah]

it's really funny seeing everyone salty posts about the hidden agenda finale and i actually agree with everyone but the thing is!!!! i'm just vibing!!!!

i went into this show with absolutely ZERO expectations (and in fact, i would have been extremely surprised if this show ended up being actually good dkfjkfddf), i've never given a single shit about the plot and/or the writing bc i came here for the joongdunk vibes and the joongdunk vibes alone and i had a blast watching this series

like, i'm not even gonna bother criticising this drama bc from the beginning i didn't expect it to be very impressive anyway and so i'll just keep sitting here in my pile of garbage and vibing with it <3333

[starlooove]

When ppl talk about customer service workers being dehumanized it’s not even the insane freakouts it’s the lack of personal space that pisses me off

[orcelito]

Sometimes I get the urge to be like "Well, they can't live forever" when it comes to shitty situations with shitty people. But then I remember that A: shitty person dying might not be the result that someone wants, and B: it actually can take quite a while for people to die, in many cases

Idk I'm just so used to death being right around the corner that I'm like "Well maybe he'll die soon and that'll fix it" but he probably won't die that soon and it also might not fix it. Or be wanted.

Idk it's such a specific mentality that I have now. People can die with such short notice that you Never Know! The solution to all your problems may be short at hand. You never know.

[airanke]

Every day I sit here or lie in bed thinking about how much purity culture destroyed me.

[keeps-ache]

need to be exploding something but i Can't for some reason. just Can Not. my ability to do is just. Nay

[bibiana112]

There's nothing wrong with people having their dearest most specialest blorbo be Eric ztd it is unironically good for the ecosystem and I always love seeing the different perspectives from other fans but what I am here today to ask is why is no one like that about Mira. whatever happened to feminism.

[kavehayati]

I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way

[miss-anthropyxx]

casually spiraling and dont think there's anything i can do about it at this point anymore. i wanna just give up and let myself spiral.