#what i am looking for is how to heal from that

[emprexxluxaic]

Why are they gonna fall for someone like you? future spouse edition.

for collabs and other important inquiries send a dm.

pile i

in my opinion this group was my favorite spread out of all three groups, this is a secret between us 😉. your person is gonna fall for you because you are not flashy but your simplicity drew them. there's something about you that makes this person feel at home, the familiarity is present here. their soul recognize you even from afar. although, i can't totally see this person is gonna take an initiate actions or appeal the first move. the intimate energy from them is so strong as if at first glace they are able to tell that "the search is over". this person is seeing you as someone like a grand reward. this can be an old connection or when them you are connect and meet physically, you both are learning to move on from one of the traumatic event of your life. although, your heart is still forgiving from the past yet there's still lingering room like an allocated space for this person. it seems like for them your presence is not only bring comfort but also, healing. as if their healing phase is not intended to force but rather they just let it and take their time. also, they gonna fall how your actions and silence speaks more louder than own voice. it's like your eyes already telling the story without letting the words out in your mouth. and by the time, you meet as i said you were in the healing phase or in your broken era yet you still choose to love and leave some space for it— that's also, makes them fall and captivated. i can tell that your attitude and personality will make this person captivated than your physical appearance. it screams like "i know who i am and who i wanna be". they think your discipline is what makes you elegance and that capacity to handle difficult situations and circumstances is also, flourish and widened their perspective towards you but in a positive way. while, in terms of physical? oh men. this person would drool over when you brush your hair behind your ear lol or the way you maintain eye contacts that subtly that tells them that you are caring and paying attention for what they are conversing or even the way your voice suddenly changes when something exciting was really mean to you. otherwise, they define it seductive and kinda cute? yeah cute 💕. but what really makes them fall for you, is that... they feel like they already found someone who understands them without explaining. let's say, your words of encouragement never make them feel bad but rather it shows so much sympathy, that's what makes them fall harder. this is giving me an idea of someone being held accountable but not under control. it's like you see something in them plainly that includes their flaws but you still choose to stay. i even hear "i want this person to bring in the altar", like how sweet is that? 🥺🫶🏻. above all, they wanna protect, reassure, impress and win your heart. it seems like when you two meet, you don't give your heart that easy but as i said, you are open for love. it's like you become choose who to trust yk. they will fall for you when they can genuinely see their future with you like their goals and dreams because looking back to the overall reading they perceiving you as someone who are genuine, imperfect, powerful and yet loving. they see you as treasure and they don't want to this prize to get loose or slip with their bare hands.

pile ii

falling for you makes this person feel obsessed 😬 but in a good way because you make them feel very important that no one could ever do to them. although, at first they might feel unsure whether they do have feelings for you or just simply feel sympathetic about you. it was probably because you are like a test result that stays on their mind and stirs their deep feelings. for them, you appear like a memory that they once had. like you are giving off something to this person like "weird, it was my first time meeting them yet it feels like i already knew them" kinda vibes. in their perspectives you are not just good looking or attractive physically but you are overall being captivates them from personality, appearance and even your flaws and quirks. let's say, your charm is quite powerful that pulls their heart and soul not only their body and mind. where they can able to says, "i love this person because they accepted me despite of my imperfections". like you were beyond words, beyond what they show to others because you are IMPORTANT not just a partner. perhaps, you might notice their habits, how they faces fears or even how they become soft when they see something they really love. it's like you support this sides that they don't usually shown to others than to laugh it out or use it to take advantage of them and that's makes them feel special. perhaps, they would also fall for the side of yourself where you wanted to be here, to feel understood, respected and loved not to just to be seen only. it's like, they lowkey admire this to you wanna be "in love" but don't want to lose the spark on yourself yk. it's like for them, this action or attitude says: "i don't need attention to feel good about myself" and that scream a lot on their part. for them, you know your worth and it shows. it inspires them yk. inspires to improve themselves but not to impress you nor other people but to be om the same level as yourself. they would also, fall how thoughtful you are and how you express yourself without putting limitations on it. it's giving an energy of someone who knows how to handle problems and solve them alone but still remain graceful. thus, they notice that you prefer being alone or comfortable being alone. that's attract their attention, it's like for them you may seems appear odd one out but for them that's a unique. you don't beg for attention and love and you simply wanted to be who you are. someone who minding their own business. for them, that's totally unique because they never met anyone like you like you are someone who can love deeply but secure enough to not losing themselves when in relationship. yeah, your energy feels no the same like others they have met before.

pile iii

if you were attracted to the first group it may have some messages for you but anyways. it's not your physical appearance nor personality that makes this person fall for you but it's about them. you bring something that they think they would lose until their last breath, it's their smile. group three's you gonna be the reason why this person would open their heart once again and will be the reason why they choose "happiness" again. if that's not the case, well. probably when you smile, they feel something bloom inside them like a feeling of "i wanted to be the reason of that smile again". it was also a realization from your person's POV, this person don't need love because they are the love. what a sweet intake, that makes my heart fluttered 🥹💖. i feel like it's not your physical appearance or personality that is gonna drew this person's out but it was your mystery energy vibes. it was speaking to me like how you can be so quiet, so aloof, unpredictable yet they felt magnetize. honestly, if we will intoregate this individual and ask them, why you fall to ___ they likely can't answer neither can't explain it. for them, your energy is not a passive but it totally giving a soft one. also, i feel like they admire and respect your own space and time alone. i can tell that you maybe thinking it was your weakness but it was your power, that's will make you unforgettable in the crowd in the eyes of your person's because your energy it's not clinging like everybody else but it seems attracting. they gonna fall and pursue you because you seen the worse in them yet you do not judge them. at this case, they could even think you are their forever lol. you proof to them that love is not all about to give but also to receive like a give and take. that love is not all about material gifts and gestures that comes with intention but you show them how to be generous and understanding with other's weakness, struggles and pain. for them, no one else can offer this kind of gift like you— you are one of the kind.

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 08 - The Purpose of Doing Good]

Genre: Fluff, Romance, slight Smut

Warnings: over protective!Kook, he takes such good care of her :(, Joon teaches her dragon history, this is a very lore heavy chapter hihi, fear of telling her how he really feels, Jimin is way too casual about creampies HAHHAHAHAH, hints of koo wanting to give her spankies :), jungkook my man please tell her how you feel please i beg you, kissing, some moments of anxiety, and lots of domestic fluff moments, they're fucking meant to be, jungkook SPEAK UP!

Wordcount: 8.7k

a/n: this story will be the end of me, i can't handle this anymore please speak up jungkook please. but aLSO OMG LORE! HEHEHHE

It had to end. Some time it had to end. You agreed to it. You were aware of it from the very start. It had to end.

Jungkook stops the cart in front of the tavern and jumps off. He makes sure that Calla is tied to the pole before he rounds the cart. 

“Get off, scum”, he spits, staring at you with darkened eyes.

It is difficult to climb off the cart with your hands tied. He doesn’t help you, watching you with a grim face and gripping his sword just in case you try to escape.

Once you are on your feet, he grips you by the back of your neck.

“Walk”, he orders and pushes you, leading you through the busy crowd. He ignores the dark look you send him, keeping his jaw tight.

Exactly Eighteen Days Prior

Jungkook and the others lift their heads. You seem uncomfortable every step you take, using the wall as well as the furniture to support yourself.

Jimin is on his feet first, Namjoon follows and Jungkook is last but still ends up being by your side first, practically pushing the others aside to get to you.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed yet. Hey”, he says, holding your waist. ���I told you that I’ll be back soon.”

You lean on his arms, looking at the two dragons in your house. 

“Hello.”

They greet you back, bowing their heads. 

You look at Jungkook.

“I didn’t think that there would be other people.” 

“They are helping with the others outside. They didn’t stay in the house. Come on, sit at least. You should rest.”

You however put your hand on his neck and pull him to your mouth so you could whisper. Except that Jungkook misunderstands and goes for a kiss. You don’t correct him. You let him kiss you.

He is just a little out of breath when it breaks.

“What was that for?” he asks, gazing at your lips.

“I wanted to tell you something.”

“Oh”, he flusters, “uhm, forgive me. What’s the, ahem, matter?”

You lean in and whisper.

“Please don’t say it out loud. I’m bleeding.”

Jungkook looks at you greatly worried, but he still whispers.

“Where? What’s the matter?” 

“My monthly blood.”

“Ah, I see. Don’t worry, go back to the bathing room, I’m getting your cloth.”

You hide back in the bedroom, while Jungkook hurries upstairs.

“Is everything alright? What’s the matter?” Jimin asks, following Jungkook with his eyes.

“Worry not. ___ merely wants something warmer to wear.”

Secretly and with great teamwork, the issue is worked out and you can join your guests.

“You should sit here. Get comfortable”, Jungkook says, leading you to the sofa.

“I’m alright. The chair is fine.”

“At least put a cushion on it.”

“It’s really fine.” You sit down and give him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine.”

He doesn’t seem convinced, but stays quiet for now. He sits down on the chair next to you, knee bouncing up and down nervously.

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asks. 

“I will heal. Nothing broke or ripped, it is just bruised. I’ve had worse, so I know that I will heal.”

“That is good to hear. Although it grieves me that you know worse.” 

You nod your head and look at Jungkook.

“Are you alright? How is your wound?”

“I am going to be fine. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“I’m sorry that you got hurt because of me. The fate reader was right”, you say, giving him a sad pout.

“Don’t. I would do it again”, he assures you with a firm squeeze of your hand.

Just a little giddy, you glance at the two dragons, “what did you mean by the others outside?” you ask.

“Ah, yes. Some of the people the Hunters had captured were in bad shape. Jungkook offered to house them in his stables while we nurse them back to health”, Jimin says.

“I see. So everyone escaped?”

“Yes.”

“Did everyone survive?”

“Yes, the gods be thanked.”

“Them and the healer as well. She arrived this morning and is of great help”, Namjoon says.

“A healer?” 

Jungkook meets your eyes. 

“Xenia. I called for her via raven. She is the one who stitched me up.”

“Xenia is here? Oh, I have to see her”, you say and attempt to stand up only to drop down again in dizziness. “Gods.”

“You have to take it easy”, Jungkook says and holds your arms. 

“I’m fine. Just a little dizzy.” 

“You are not fine. You are hurt. Please take it easy”, he says, carrying a hint of a scold in his voice.

It is kind of endearing how worried he is. 

“Alright, I am taking it easy”, you say, giving him a fond smile, “can I at least have some breakfast? Or is this also not allowed? I am hungry.”

“Of course. I will prepare it. What do you want? Eggs? Bacon? Wait. No bacon, you do not wish animals to die. Then bread with radishes? Potatoes? I could make hash browns? Perhaps porridge? With berries and honey?”

You stop his babbling with a gentle hand on top of his’. 

“Just whatever we have at home is fine.”

“Alright. I will see what I can do”, he says and hurries outside to pillage the garden. 

You look at him until he is gone then shift your eyes to Jimin and Namjoon.

“He seems very worried for you”, Namjoon says.

“He does.” A shy smile curls your lips. “I do not mind”, you confess, lowering your eyes bashfully. They do not miss the giddy flutter of your scales.

“Do you believe his feelings to be truthful?”

“Namjoon, now is not the time”, Jimin whispers, nudging his friend.

“Why? What do you mean?” you ask, curious and slightly anxious.

“Nothing. Namjoon simply does not trust his guild and worries for your safety.”

“Ah. You do not need to worry for me. He is kind to me and he keeps me safe.” 

“But he allowed the Hunters to capture you.”

“Gods no, he didn’t. We enjoyed fire mead by the lake and when the cups were empty, I voiced my desire for more. Jungkook offered to get another serving. He had no idea that they were hiding.”

“How certain are you of that?” 

“Joon, that’s enough.”

“I am very certain of it.” You glare at Namjoon. “Jungkook is innocent. You did not witness what I witnessed in the tent. How he butchered those monsters as revenge for what they did to me”, you say and gesture at your battered face. “He cares for me. Do not speak ill of him.”

“I apologise. I went too far. It isn’t easy for me to see his kind capable of empathy and kindness, but I can see that he cares for you. I should have chosen my words more carefully.”

“I understand that you want to look out for me. I have to admit that it still sounds unbelievable to me that a Hunter can be kind to me, but when I look at Jungkook these days, I do not see a Hunter. I see a person who was forced into a life he didn’t want and who got a chance to take back control.” You smile fondly. “Yes, I see a person who is kind and gentle and… hah, forgive me I do not know what I am saying.”

Jimin and Namjoon exchange a knowing look. The door opens and Jungkook hurries back inside with a basket full of fresh produce.

“I was thinking. Fried eggs, mushrooms with herbs, fried potatoes and some spinach. And fresh tea. I plucked herbs which will help with inflammation and you should make sure to get your iron, so some lentils as well. They are very good, Xenia brought them with her.” 

Your eyes are soft as they follow him.

“Alright, everything you said sounds delicious. Thank you for cooking.” 

“Of course. It will still take a while”, he hurries to you and kneels down before you to cup your face and inspect it. “Do you want to lie down as you wait? Does anything hurt? I can make you poppy milk tea. Are you still dizzy? You should definitely lie down.”

“I promise I am fine”, you say and giggle.

“What’s so funny?” 

“You are very worried and it flusters me.” 

“I cannot help it. It hurts me to see you in this state.” He furrows his brows. “They should burn in all hells for what they did to you.”

“And they will.” You lean in and kiss his forehead.

Jungkook gasps for air, exhaling it shakily. He is frozen, staring at you with widened eyes once you pull back. His cheeks are flushed red.

“Can I expect breakfast today or will staring at me take all day?” you tease him.

Jungkook shakes out of it, flushing even redder.

“No, uhm, no I’m already- Hah forgive me. I just. No, I’m starting”, he stutters, stumbling to his feet to hurry to the kitchen. He sneaks very obvious and flustered glances your way constantly. It is as if he is trying to figure out if this actually happened and if you actually meant it, mixed with a hint of giddiness.

You shift your attention to Jimin and Namjoon. 

“Have you eaten yet?” 

“We have. We ate outside with the others.”

“I see. That is good.” You sigh deeply. “I am so relieved that everyone survived. What will happen to them once they are better?” 

“They are free to choose what to do, but if they wish to do so, they can join us on our way to Exiloth”, Namjoon says.

“Exiloth. So it is truly safe?”

“Of course it is. War will never reach it.”

“No, you shouldn’t say that. War is like a festering sore spot. If you aren’t actively working against it, it will spread.”

“Well, the war would have to claim countless other countries before it reaches Exiloth. And these countries are ruled by just Queens and Kings with strong armies. They wouldn’t allow a war of racial persecution to spread in their lands.”

“Indeed. As a matter of fact, there are many rulers who actively work against King Foltest to finally bring an end to his madness.”

“I see. I hope that one day, he will fall.”

“Many want that. But for now, these lands are still dangerous for our kind. So if you wish to come with us, our invitation still stands.”

You glance at Jungkook instinctively. He has his back turned to you naturally as he works on your breakfast. He stopped chopping the potatoes, holding the knife perfectly still. Is he trying to listen in?

“I cannot leave yet. If I left before ridding myself of my bounty, I would always stay a fugitive.” 

Jungkook continues chopping, shoulders relaxed. So he listened in. You shake your head to get rid of your confusion, looking back at the two dragons.

“I hope you understand. If I start a new life, I want to start it with no burdens left from my old one.”

“Of course we understand”, Jimin assures you.

“But how will you free yourself? The king would never allow a dragonborn to walk free without proper reason”, Namjoon asks. 

“We tried to come up with a good enough reason, but couldn’t think of anything yet.”

“I thought of delivering proof that she was dead, but that would mean that she could never return and I would have to hurt her”, Jungkook says, bringing you the first course of what seems to be a multi course breakfast. Wheat bread with butter and fresh radishes. 

“I thought of buying myself free, but the king would merely take my coin and still keep me prisoner”, you say, feeling your stomach grumble at the delicious view.

Jungkook puts the food down before you and rubs the back of your neck. Jimin studies it with squinted eyes. He takes a deep breath. He hums. A moment of silence. Then he snaps his fingers.

“Yes? You had a thought?” Namjoon says, knowing his friend’s habits very well.

“I do and I will have to be very rude for it so forgive me in advance.” 

“Go ahead.”

“Did you have sex with each other?”

Thankfully you didn’t take a bite of the bread yet because you definitely would have choked on it otherwise. Namjoon gawks with big eyes.

“Excuse me?” Jungkook lets out.

“Please forgive me, but it is important to know.”

“And if we did?” he challenges, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“So yes?”

“Yes, I guess we did.”

“Good. And did you at any chance ejaculate inside her?”

“Excuse me?!”

“What’s that?” you ask, looking up at Jungkook.

“He is asking if I released inside you.”

“By the gods”, you let out, cheeks feeling on fire. 

“Seriously. Why would you even ask that? This is beyond rude and an invasion of privacy. I do not have to answer this.”

“This is where you are wrong. You do. Because if there is the odd chance that you did, then we have the perfect reason for why she is useless to the king.”

“And why is that?”

“Just think about it. Why does the king want female dragonborn?” 

“For their uterus. Because he can breed us and then eat the embryo”, you say.

“Exactly. He is insane, but it is also why your…” He gestures between you and Jungkook. “...hours of intimacy are your ticket to freedom. I have one more question for you, ___.”

“Alright?”

“Were you a virgin before Jungkook?” 

“That’s enough. This is perverted and doesn’t need to interest you”, Jungkook defends you.

“No Jungkook, wait. It’s fine”, you assure him and meet Jimin’s eyes. “Yes, I was a virgin before Jungkook and there were times when he released inside me.”

“By the gods”, Namjoon lets out and looks to the side, rubbing his scaled neck in embarrassment.

“Excellent”, Jimin claps into his hands. “Now all you have to do is convince the king of your deeds and you will be free.”

“But why would he let her go just because we had unprotected sex?” Jungkook asks.

“Do you still not get it? The king thinks that virgin dragonborn are the key to eternal youth. He needs their untouched uterus to put his disgusting seed in.”

It finally clicks.

“And because we slept with each other and I released inside, I ruined her uterus in his eyes. I understand it now”, Jungkook says.

“Oh! I understand it too! Especially because Jungkook is a Hunter, the destined enemy of our kind. I am certain that the king will think that Jungkook’s seed is especially bad for my uterus.” 

“I knew that you would get it.”

“This could actually work. The king is stupid enough to buy such lies.” You look up at Jungkook. “What do you think?” 

“I think that it is insane, but that’s why it could work. He is obsessed with virgins and if I, as a Hunter, took you first, you would become cursed to him”, he says and quickly follows it up, “I am sorry for using such words. You will never be cursed or something to take first.” 

“I know you do not think this way. So I guess the plan stands. Now we just need to make it look convincing and not get killed in the process.”

“I can help with the latter”, Namjoon says, “I heard that you are still struggling with your fire breath?”

“And you can help with the first”, Jimin says, pointing at Jungkook.

“Please for the love of the gods, this is enough”, Jungkook says with a groan of exhaustion.

“I hate to admit it, but he is right. That’s enough”, Namjoon says, giving Jimin a look.

Jimin lifts his hands in defeat, “alright, alright. It is not like we all do it, so I do not get the shame around it, but alright I am already quiet.”

You snicker, “this is the wildest conversation ever”, you confess and glance at Jungkook who retorts it with slightly flushed cheeks. 

“I think it is best if I just returned to cooking”, he says, flustered, and hurries to the kitchen.

You shift your attention to Namjoon and begin eating the bread.

“So you could show me how to use my fire breath?”

Jungkook forbade you from training after breakfast. You still needed to recover, according to him. You didn’t really protest because he was definitely right. Your head feels like exploding and your limbs ache.

You currently find yourself outside on your way to the stables. Jungkook stayed inside to clean up while Jimin and Namjoon are by your side, making sure that you can walk without collapsing.

“What are you going to do after the others healed?” you ask them.

“Join the caravan back to Exiloth. It will be in Wogrin in sixteen days time and then continue by boat”, Jimin explains.

“We will take whoever wishes to join us to Wogrin and then sail back to Exiloth”, Namjoon adds. 

“Wogrin. I have never been to the capital before. I heard that you can be anyone there”, you say.

“It is definitely a city of anonymity. Which is a blessing when you want to smuggle people, but also a curse when nobody stops to help those in need.”

“I see. Perhaps I will be there too. After all, we need to go to Wogrin to see the king.”

“Perhaps. We will definitely wait for you by the docks.”

“That is kind of you.” You shift your eyes to the person calling your name. 

Xenia runs to you, waving her hands and carrying a big smile.

“Xenia!” you call out and run as best as your aching body allows it. 

She meets you in the middle, taking you into her motherly arms.

“I cannot believe my eyes. You are walking already. Oh sweet child, what have they done to you?”

“I am alright, Jungkook saved me. Oh Xenia, he kept me safe all these months. I-I wanted to write to you and tell you that I am happy these days but I couldn’t in fear of spies.”

“Do not apologise. I am just glad that you are still here and safe.” She steps back, running her healing hands over your wounds. “Did these monsters pay for what they did?”

“They did. Jungkook made sure of it.”

She nods her head, “good. May they burn in all hells.”

You agree, taking her hands afterwards, “how have you been? I really missed you.”

“I have been busy. I missed you too, sweet child. By the goddesses, I cannot believe that you are still here and safe above all.”

“He has been very good to me”, you say with fondness in your eyes, “but enough about me. I heard that there are people off worse than me. How are they? Can I help in any way?”

“Of course, please follow me. The people will heal. You came at the perfect time”, she says, addressing Namjoon and Jimin who follow behind.

“If only we could have come sooner. Then these people wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place”, Namjoon answers her, speaking with great respect.

“Do not torture yourself by feeling guilty for not being at a place still unknown to you. You didn’t know what was happening to them. Nobody did.”

“These Hunters must have done these terrible deeds for months”, Jimin says.

“All Hells will punish them for all eternity”, Xenia says, opening the goat shed turned caring room.

The people inside the shed rest on the ground on top of straw and soft blankets. Most of them are sleeping and the ones who are awake, seem a lot more alive than they did last night. 

Bowls of fire keep the temperatures perfect, while the open windows allow for fresh air to circulate. It doesn’t smell bad in here, despite the situation. Small cups of incense scattered around the shed explain the herbal smell. You can make out hints of rosemary, salve and eucalyptus.

“Mistress Xenia, my arm hurts again”, a dwarf calls for the Elven healer and so she hurries to him, leaving you by the door.

“Can we leave you alone?” Namjoon asks.

“I will be alright, don’t worry.”

“Very well, we are in the cow shed then, tending to the wounded.”

With them busy as well, you decide to take up work with one of the wounded closer to the door. A young orc boy, not more than seven years, whose arm is in a cast. His parents are close to him, currently sleeping.

“You are that dragonborn they dragged in”, he says, studying the swellings of your face.

“I am. I’m ___ and you?”

“Bork.”

“Nice to meet you, Bork. I’m here to help. Do you need anything?”

“Are you alright, Miss?” 

“Of course, it is but a bruise. It will heal”, you give him a smile, “just like you, mhm? That cast will get you better in no time.” 

“Can I then play ball again?” 

“Of course, I promise.”

Bork smiles, showing off his first missing tooth. He seems very pleased with his future.

“Now, can I get you anything, Bork?”

The boy thinks for a moment.

“I want sweets”, he finally says, “please?”

“Alright, alright I’ll see what I can do”, you say and stand up to leave.

You get as far as the outside when Jungkook stops you. He is frowning deeply, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Uhm, excuse me? What are you doing?” he asks.

“Helping. Why?” 

“No, you’re not. You said that you would greet Xenia and then come back to bed.”

“I’m just getting something sweet for a boy. I’m fine, promise”, you say and swerve past him to return to the cottage.

Jungkook jogs after you, holding your upper arm without pressure. You stop.

“You should rest. You are hurt and you are bleeding. Just lie down, rest.”

You chuckle, “I am fine. I’ve had worse, trust me.”

“If you aren’t going to go willingly, I will make you.” 

“Alright, if you say so. Just let me get something sweet for this boy.”

“Let me get it”, he insists, taking you by your arms rather demandingly. You know that he means well.

“It won’t take long, I’m fine. And- What are you- hey! Let me down!” you complain as he picks you up under your armpits after you tried to wiggle out of his grasp. 

“You had the chance to go willingly.” 

“This is ridiculous. Let me down”, you whine, kicking your feet helplessly. You are but ten centimeters off the ground and yet you still feel like a foolish idiot. “How are you that strong?”

“I am a Hunter, you’re not heavy to me. And stop wiggling.”

“I’ll stop wiggling if you let me down.”

“Hey! Careful, I could have dropped you.”

“Technically you did”, you say, finally turning around after you got him to let go of you. 

Jungkook scowls, “if you weren’t so hurt, I would bend you over my lap for what you just did, you little brat.”

“You keep saying that, but you never go through with it. I don’t even know what’s supposed to happen if you do. Am I just meant to lay there?”

“Are you serious?” 

“Yes.” You were truthful.

“Right. You were a virgin.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ll show you one day. When you healed.” He grabs you by your arm again. “Now be a responsible person and lie down”, he scolds and gives you a gentle push.

You whine, leaning into his strength just a little to make him tighten his hold on you.

“Please, just lie down.”

“Hunter.” 

Jungkook and you look at Namjoon. His eyes are fixated on Jungkook’s grip, glimmering darkly. 

“We need help in the cow shed”, he tries to speak without harshness, but it is obvious that he is on full alarm. 

“Now?”

“Yes. Now. So let her go.” 

“No, this isn’t what it looks like. We were just playing around”, you defend Jungkook.

“Didn’t look like it to me. Let her go.” 

“It’s seriously alright. He wouldn’t hurt me.”

“It’s alright. I can help”, Jungkook assures you before he sends you a scolding look. “Lie down. Now.”

“After I got the sweets. Promise”, you say and hurry away before he can protest. 

“Do not test me, ___! I will check!”

You snicker and disappear inside the cottage to get some honey dipped nuts for the boy. You will not listen to Jungkook. You feel capable of performing simple tasks and you want to help. His sparkly eyes as he munches on the treats are so worth it. The grateful praises of an elderly woman who wanted water are what makes it. The relieved sigh of a dark elven man as you massage his pain away, takes away your own pain.

And you get to spend time with Xenia. She is busy so talk is minimal but you are allowed to assist her, which is very wonderful.

“___ you goddamn brat, what did I tell you about lying down?”

The sun has passed the horizon by now. You and Xenia look at Jungkook who is very angrily stomping to you. 

“Why are you still here when you should be in bed?” he scolds, resting his hands on his hips. “Mhm?” he challenges with a cock of his right brow.

“And I told you that I feel fine”, you say, chuckling.

“Uh nah you are not. Lie your stubborn ass down right this instant.”

Thankfully, Xenia steps in between to calm down his rather adorable tantrum. 

“Why don’t we let her decide what is best for her?” 

“I just want to make sure that nothing happens”, he murmurs, pouting.

Xenia chuckles, petting his arm. 

“And it won’t. I am keeping a very keen eye on her. I can assure you that she is healing very well.”

“Are you sure?” 

“I am sure.” 

Jungkook looks at you, worried and still not completely convinced. This emotion is in his eyes again. You cannot figure out what it means. 

“Tell you what”, Xenia begins, calling his attention again, “I need fresh water for a bandage boil. Why don’t you fetch me two buckets from the well?”

“This isn’t going to be like in the past where you send me back and forth between places as punishment, is it?” 

She chuckles, “do not fault me for my methods. They worked. And no, I truly need them this time around.”

Jungkook huffs air in defeat, “fine, I’m getting you water”, he mumbles, “but if anything happens, I am taking you-” He points at you. “-back to bed.”

“Just go, stubborn boy”, Xenia laughs, giving him a gentle push. 

Jungkook turns with a groan and hurries outside. You find him endearing. 

Xenia meets your eyes. 

“So, now that we got rid of your overly-protective shadow, why don’t we continue where we left off?” 

“I don’t really mind his ways.” You squat down beside her. “He means well, even if it comes off as overly-protective.”

“I can sense great guilt in his heart.”

“Really? But why? It wasn’t his fault.”

“Perhaps you should talk to him about it. That is if he matters to you.”

You startle at that.

“Does he?”

“I, I don’t- not like this. I think that he is a good person and I like his company, but it is not like this. He said that we will be strangers soon. When I asked him if it meant more, he said no. It is nothing, we are just getting along.”

“I see.” She smiles softly. “However you might define it, I am glad that you are getting along these days.”

“Me too. Gods, I cannot even imagine if we didn’t.”

Jungkook took Xenia to the nearby village today to buy ingredients and medicinal herbs. They took Calla and went by horse cart. He seemed content to take her, as if having a purpose which serves the good of the people is his true nature.

It is past noon already and you find Namjoon reading under one of the old trees in Jungkook’s back garden. His big body makes the trunk appear small in comparison and his scaly tail flops mindlessly in the sunlight. 

Jimin practices his circus routine not far from him, using his flexibility and strength to perform the most impressive movements. He is only in his pants, letting the sunlight warm up the silvery scales along his torso. They reflect the light, giving his body a glowing outline.

“Hello.” 

Namjoon looks up from the book, tugging a strand of his long raven hair behind his pointy ear. He shields his eyes from the sunlight.

“Oh, hello ___. What can I do for you?” he asks in a soft-spoken voice.

“I was wondering if you have time to teach me. It is alright if you don’t.” 

“I always have time for you”, he says and places the book aside, using a blade of grass as a bookmark. He pats the spot in front of him and so you sit down cross-legged. 

He mirrors your position, placing his tail behind you mindlessly.

“How are you feeling today?” 

“Good. My face still hurts when I move it. I hate getting punched. But I feel good otherwise.” 

“I see. We shall start lightly today. It wouldn’t be wise to push it.”

You nod your head in obedience, “whatever you can do, I will take it. I have wanted to learn more about my heritage ever since I was able to think.”

“How much do you know already?” 

“Not a lot. All I heard my life was that we are inherently evil. And that fire breath is a sin.”

“It has never been a sin. It is part of who we are.”

“I know. Oh, I know. A-and I know that it should work but anytime I try to do it, nothing comes out.” 

“Show me.” 

As always, a puff of smoke and weak embers comes out. You sag your shoulders.

“See? I tried really hard right now.”

“Mhm, I see. Worry not, you have the potential.”

“I do?”

“Yes, indeed. But first, I have to give you a history lesson. Knowing one’s origin is the first step into connecting with your inner self and in return with your powers.”

“I love history lessons. It is so difficult to learn about my heritage in these lands because the royal family burned our books. I always wanted to know how we came to be. Start in the beginning, I need to know everything.”

He smiles fondly at your enthusiasm, golden eyes soft. He speaks in a calming voice, one which really captures you.

“Long ago, even before Xenia’s time, the very first dragons were born from the inside of a meteor.”

“A meteor? What’s that?”

“They are rocks from the sky which broke off stars or planets.”

“Wow, this is fascinating. How does this happen?”

“Thousands of years ago, one of those planets far away exploded and its pieces flew all over the universe. Some of these pieces were filled with dragon eggs.”

“And one of some of these pieces landed here?” 

“Yes, indeed.”

“How many landed here?” 

“To the legends, there were seven meteors but only four landed here.” 

“What happened with the other pieces?” 

“We don’t really know, but it is rumoured that one of them landed on another planet very, very far away from here and that this dragon was able to produce magical crystals.”

“Fascinating. And the dragons which landed here was able to produce fire?”

“Correct. Now, evolution made it so that we are able to produce a variety of magic these days. Jimin is an ice dragon. Dragons like myself and our friend Yoongi produce fire. There are even dragons who spit acid or poison mist.”

“This is wonderful. Are you born with the power? Or can you train yourself to produce what you wish?”

“We are born with it. You can even see it.”

“You can?” 

“Have you ever wondered why your scales are black with golden edgings?” 

You touch them.

“The colour of my scales shows what I produce? Yours are the same, so that means that I am truly able to produce fire.” 

“Exactly.” 

“But if it is so natural for dragons, why is it impossible for me? Anytime I try to spit fire, nothing comes out except for smoke and ambers. As you saw yourself.”

“Because you have never had someone show you how to do it. It doesn’t come natural for dragonborns because your human genetics are stronger than your dragonic ones.”

“I see. So the thing which comes natural to you, we have to learn. It makes sense. What do I have to do to produce it?”

“Well first, you have to form a connection to your magic. It sits right here for us dragons”, he says and places his hand on his chest.

You mirror it on your own chest.

“Breathe in.” He shows you. His chest begins to glow faintly. “Breathe out.” The glow becomes stronger. “Breathe in.” And stronger. “Breathe out.” And blindingly strong.

“This is fascinating.”

Namjoon exhales deeply, letting the glow die down again.

“Feel the magic in your chest, feel how it warms your lungs with each breath you take. Come, meditate with me, find your own centre”, he says.

You close your eyes, listening to him guide you through the relaxation while around you, nature continues to exist. Birds sing and flutter above your heads, the wind caresses the trees, small critters jump on little branches and insects buzz around you. Namjoon’s voice is deep and calming, ebbing and flowing like water on a river bank.

You do not know how much time you spend sitting under the ancient oak tree and feeling the warmth in your chest rise and sink with each breath you take, but it must have been a while.

“Very good”, Namjoon whispers, “you are doing so well.”

You peel your eyes open. He is smiling at you, cheeks dimpling and eyes warm. You look down at yourself.

“Is this truly my chest?” you gasp in wonder at the sight of the glow.

“Touch it.”

You follow his command. The glowing spot which appeared in the middle of your chest feels warm to the touch, pulsing softly like a second heartbeat.

“It feels alive.”

“It is alive. This magic keeps us younger for longer. It makes us stronger and fuels us. And this little piece of it is entirely yours”, he says.

“I cannot believe it. I can feel it. It has a heartbeat and, and it is warm. I, I can feel it inside me.”

Namjoon chuckles, “indeed you can. I am very proud of you.”

You meet his eyes timidly, having to giggle in happiness. The glow dies down because your concentration falters, but you do not mind.

“It feels so good.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” he agrees and reaches behind himself to get a bag. “I have something for you which you might enjoy.” 

“A book?” 

“A book of our history. It is a very compact travel version, but it includes the most important information.”

“A history book”, you whisper, accepting it with glowing eyes. “One which isn’t written by the victors. Wow.”

“You can have it.”

“What do you speak?” 

“It is yours. You can have it.”

“But…this is so much.”

“It really isn’t. Take it, please.”

“Thank you so much”, you choke out and hug it to your chest, “I’m so happy.”

Namjoon smiles with teeth, lowering his eyes fondly which makes his lids flutter.

The nights at the cottage have become peaceful in a sense. The people are healing well, speaking of travels and journeys they will undertake very soon. Namjoon and Jimin already went to bed in the shed, talking about having eggs for breakfast. It is all working out so well. Life is so good.

You take a deep breath, looking up at the endless sky. The stars are so beautiful here. To think that these small spots are actually big enough to produce meteors. Ever since you were a little girl and you could form your own thoughts, you liked the stars. You spent many nights at the convent looking out at the endless sky and wishing for “one of those lights to take you away from the bad place”. Later, when the streets were your companions and you had to hide under broken rubble, you often looked out at the night sky and wondered “if you could grab all these little dots and make them into coins, would you be able to buy a bed to sleep in?” When adulthood didn’t bring kindness and comfort like you had wished and you still had loneliness as your only friend, you turned to the stars for comfort, spending many nights talking to them as if they understood you.

“I can’t believe that I have been part of your history all this time”, you speak to them and for the very first time, your heart doesn’t feel heavy as you do, “I remember when I was a little girl and I longed for affection, I imagined how you would take me in and raise me. In my mind I was jumping from one star to the other and I didn’t have to hurt anymore”, you say, laughing softly, “I can’t believe that all this time, I have been part of you already.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, wiping your eyes quickly.

“I will be able to make flames soon”, you tell them with a proud smile, “all these nights where I cried to you because I was hated for being a dragon eventhough I couldn’t even be a dragon properly. Do you remember them? I do. When I lie in bed before sleep, I think of them. They’re so distant these days.”

You wipe at your eyes again, lips trembling as you smile.

“I’m so happy”, you choke out shakily, “I’m becoming a proper dragon and, and I will see the world so very soon. I’m so happy, stars, I’m so happy. Ah, now I’m crying like a silly girl”, you say and chuckle, drying your eyes, “they’re happy tears, don’t worry. I am going to start living soon and I cannot be sad anymore, so they are happy tears.”

You take a deep breath. The crickets sing peacefully. You wonder if they sing in other parts of the world as well and if their songs are different.

“I’m still going to talk to you from time to time. Don’t worry. Especially now that I know that I have always been a star child, I feel that we have become so much closer.”

Someone drapes a blanket over your shoulders and sits down next to you. You look at him, eyes softening in a smile.

“You’re back.” 

“I am.”

“I’m not cold”, you say.

“Of course you aren’t, I put a blanket on you”, Jungkook says.

“That’s definitely not what I meant”, you chuckle, nudging his knee.

He chuckles, looking at your smile before his eyes drift around the clearing.

“Who did you talk to?”

“The stars.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.” You look at them with a fond smile. “It’s been a habit of mine ever since I was a child. It’s comforting.”

“Yeah? Do they ever answer?”

“Yeah, I like to think that they do. I’ve always felt less lonely whenever I talked to them. And they are a part of me.” You look at him. “Did you know that the first dragon came out of a meteor?”

“I didn’t. That’s so interesting.”

“Right? I’ve always felt a connection to the stars and I finally know why.”

“A star child, is that what you said?”

“You heard that?” you snicker.

“I did.”

“Ah, is that so? I guess I called myself that, yes.”

He chuckles with you.

Jungkook remembers days of his childhood where his little sister insisted on counting the stars before bed. She never managed to go over ten. Not only because ten was as far as she was able to count, but also because she fell asleep before that. He always had to carry her back inside. Jungkook doesn’t feel fondness when he looks at the stars. He feels grief, emptiness and loneliness. They are still the same as they were in his childhood and yet nothing is the same down here. They are still glowing while his sister hasn’t drawn breaths in decades. Jungkook thinks that they are the visual reminder of his grief. Endless, unable to predict when it ends and inescapable as it returns every night.

And as he sits there and takes in the view, he realises just how long ago he looked at them last because he was too busy looking at you instead.

He glances at you. Perhaps the stars are good. You are part of them and when he looks at you, he doesn’t think of his grief. So they must be good as well.

“You know what I am asking myself?” you say in a soft voice.

“No, tell me”, he says, tasting his confession on the tip of his tongue. He is going to tell you. He is going to let you know that he is in love with you.

“If the stars look the same everywhere. I can’t wait to find out.”

“Oh”, Jungkook lets out and looks at his own hands. Hope tastes bitter and burns when he swallows.

“What’s the matter?” you ask him, studying his tight face.

“Hm? No, nothing. I just have lots going on in my head.”

“Good things? Bad?” 

“Just…things. I don’t know, I just think it’s all going too fast. You shouldn’t leave yet. You should be resting for at least a month.”

“This is ridiculous. It doesn’t hurt anymore because of Xenia’s care. Why should I lie around and do nothing for a month?”

“It wouldn’t be doing nothing. I’d read to you and you could make baskets.” 

“I can still do that even with everything going on” you say and chuckle, nudging him again. “What’s wrong with you? Are you still worried about me?”

“Of course I’m worried. I did that to you.”

“Excuse me?” 

Jungkook touches his own neck, rubs it just once before he exhales sharply and punches his own thigh.

“If I didn’t leave to get more mead, they never would have had the chance to kidnap you.”

“Hey, Kook”, you say softly, taking his hand.

He looks at you, eyes filled with guilt and regret. He squeezes your hand so, so tight.

“I am healing very well. My bruises only hurt when I touch them.”

“But still.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you for what happened.”

“I do.”

“I know, but you don’t have to. I don’t blame you, I never did.”

He seems unsure and so you lean in to kiss his forehead again. At least you want to because before you can, he leans back. 

“Please don’t do that.” 

“Oh? Oh, alright. Forgive me.” You pull your hand back. “I don’t know what came over me. Sorry.” 

“No, uhm, it’s alright. I just don’t know what to do when it happens.”

“I don’t know.” You shrug your shoulders. “Just accept it?”

“But I can’t do that. It would mean that…”

You don’t know what he wants to say. He thinks that you know. Nothing will be said.

He looks at your lips and tilts his head just a little.

“What does that mean?”

“You can do it if you want to.”

“Ah. Yeah, I do.”

You lean in and kiss his forehead. Jungkook hums, wrapping his arms around you. He dances the tip of his nose over your lips until he can rub it against yours. A faint kiss to your lips and then he pulls you into his chest, cradling you in his strong arms.

“You’re the first person, except my mother, who kissed my forehead”, he whispers.

“You’re the first and only person who kissed mine.”

Jungkook holds you tightly, “you should rest for longer.”

“The sooner we gain my freedom, the sooner I will be safe. I cannot wait any longer.”

“I know. It’s just unfair.” 

“What’s unfair?”

You scoot back to look at him. There it is again That emotion in his eyes. Right now, sadness joins it.

“What’s unfair, Kook?”

“Nothing”, he breathes, “nothing, sorry I shouldn’t say that. This is about your freedom.”

“You can talk to me.”

“I know, but it’s alright. I already forgot what I wanted to say”, he says and takes your hand, “let’s go to bed early and hold each other. We can start the morning well rested. What do you think?”

“Yeah, I’m getting chilly already”, you say and stand up with him to go inside.

Jungkook tugs the blanket under your waist and hips before he makes sure that your shoulders are tugged in as well. 

You stare at him in a mixture of amusement and fondness.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure that you’re warm”, he says and nods his head, “looks good.” 

“We’re in the middle of summer.” 

“Doesn’t matter. You said you’re chilly and you need to stay warm so you can heal.”

“If you say so”, you chuckle.

“Now sleep. I want your eyes closed when I come back. No more running around, you need rest”, he says and leans down to kiss the tip of your nose (he was allowed to do so because it was the night and at night he doesn’t have to pretend to feel nothing for you when in reality he loves you with his soul).

You close your eyes, snickering into the edge of the blanket.

“That’s a good girl”, he praises and leaves you with a soft pat on the head. 

The bathing room closes. You open your eyes and wiggle yourself out of the blanket. You appreciate his efforts, but it is simply too hot in this room. You sit up and pick up the book Namjoon gave you. The first chapter tells you more about your people’s language and you cannot put it away. With each word you read, you feel the connection to your heritage growing.

Your eyes are genuinely heavy once Jungkook leaves the bathing room again. He has been in there for quite a while, taking a bath and thinking to himself if he should do it. If he should tell you how he feels. He decided against it because you speak of travels while he dreams of settling. 

“___.”

You lift your head at the sound of his disappointed voice. His hands are on his hips, his brows are tightened.

“Will there ever come a day where you actually listen to what I tell you?”

“No”, you say, putting the book aside to settle into bed.

“No?” 

You shake your head, resting on your side and giving him playful eyes. Jungkook laughs softly, running his hands through his hair.

“But you can keep trying.”

“Yeah, yeah just keep being a brat. Let’s see what this gets you”, he says and joins you on top of the bed.

He is shirtless because of the warm temperatures. As if it was instinct, you reach out and begin tracing his stomach. You were allowed to do so because it was the night.

He shifts his eyes to you, goosebumps covering his skin.

“Is this about bending me over your lap?” you ask.

“You’re still thinking about that?”

“I’m curious.”

“Mhm and you’re hurt and bleeding. Patience”, he tells you before he turns away for a moment to get his sketchbook.

“I’m not really bleeding anymore, just saying.” 

He scoffs, “then you’re just hurt.”

He opens the book on his current drawing and continues where he left off. You dance your fingers to the bandages. You prop yourself up on your elbow so you can see it better. 

He must have changed in the bathing room. His skin looks so tanned in contrast to it. You run your finger along the edges of them.

“Does it hurt to get stabbed?”

“It does. But this one didn’t.”

“I see.”

You sit up, resting your cheek on his shoulder so you can take a look at the drawing.

As if it was instinct, Jungkook welcomes you with a kiss to your nose before he continues drawing. It was allowed because it was the night and he doesn’t have to pretend to not love you like the moon loves the stars.

“This really looks like Calla. You’re so talented.”

“Thank you. Her eyes are difficult to get right.”

“I can imagine. I can’t draw a horse for the life of me.”

“Mhm, I noticed”, he mumbles and chuckles when you slap his chest playfully.

“You’re an ass.”

He hums, smiling to himself. Silence blankets the moment where you watch him draw while your fingers trace his stomach and chest. The moment breaks when you suddenly yawn loudly.

“Phew, sleepy”, you say.

“Then sleep.”

“Mhm”, you hum and trace his lips.

He exhales shakily, looking at you which earns him a chaste kiss before you settle into the sheets. 

Jungkook breathes his feelings away, acting nonchalant despite his racing heart. 

“I’m tired”, you mumble, reaching out to trace his tattoos.

“Then sleep. You need it.”

“Mh-hm.” You yawn again. “Did you know that Dragonic has seven different tenses?”

“Really?” He knows, but you seem so happy to talk about it.

“Yeah. And each tense has a different verb ending. That’s how we distinguish them.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Yeah, it’s really amazing.” Yawn. “I want to learn Dragonic.”

“I’m sure that you’ll do really well.”

“You do?” 

“Yes, you’re intelligent.”

Your chest tingles. You wiggle your toes. 

Silence fills the night. The crickets chirp outside and the scribbling of his pen is faint in your ears. You could fall asleep like this. Cradled in warm sheets, protected in his presence and tracing his tattoos.

You cannot reach further than his wrist because you are too tired to lift your arm. Jungkook props his feet up so he can rest his notebook against his thighs, dropping his arm so you can trace the inside.

Your touch is gentle and slow. It tingles.

“Uhm. Jungkook?”

“Mhm?”

You sit up. Jungkook lowers the pencil and looks at you. You seem worried, staring at his arm.

“What’s wrong?”

“Your tattoos.”

“What’s with them?”

“The letters are different.”

“What?”

Jungkook looks at them. Unfamiliar Elvish letters stare back at him.

“What the fuck?” 

His other arm is the same. 

“What the hells?”

He jumps out of bed and runs to his mirror. His chest, his back, his arms. They are still tattooed but the letters are different. Ever since the wandering market, Jungkook felt unbearable itching under his skin. He blamed his nerves on it, but perhaps it was something else.

He tries to wipe them off, breathing quickly. His vision is starting to blur as panic begins to settle in.

“Are you alright? Should I get Xenia?” you ask him.

“Huh? Oh, no. No, it’s alright. It’s probably nothing.” 

“Are you sure?”

Jungkook nods his head, returning to bed. His hands are clammy, but he cannot make you worry.

“What if it’s something bad?” 

“I’m alright. They just do that sometimes.”

“They do?” 

“Yeah.” He is lying, but he is good at it so you don’t notice. “Sometimes they change so I have new blessings and shit to channel. It’s stupid.”

“But you seem surprised.”

“Yeah, because uhm it wasn’t supposed to happen so soon. Normally it happens before autumn.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, really. It’s nothing”, he says and wraps his arms around you so adoringly you wonder if he is trying to prove something. “Now go to sleep.”

“Kook, I’m worried. The fate reader.”

“What did she say?”

“She said that you will betray me. What if the tattoos are going to make you?”

Jungkook’s stomach churns, “no. No. No, sweets no. No, it’s nothing. Just new health blessings. I’m alright. Com’ere I’ll kiss you”, he insists and begins kissing our face all over as if he wanted to prove that he was still himself.

“Kook, I’m worried.” 

“Don’t worry about it, don’t worry”, he mumbles, lifting his eyes. He stares at himself in the mirror while you cannot see him. His eyes are blackened. 

“I’m alright. Just don’t let go of me”, he chokes out and kisses you deeper and deeper. This is nothing. 

Fate readers are never correct. 

This is nothing.

[allfictionallfun]

Devotion 7

Summary: Azzi and Paige get a chance to speak.

Word count: 4.5K

Warning: Mention of self harming and underage drinking AN: I'm gone this weekend (starting tomorrow) taking Gremmy gremmy gremlin camping. So no work will be done on the next chapter - expect it late next week.

If I am right If I can be Constant and faithful You’ll find me In my devotion

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair. Paige had been dreaming about Azzi and right when she was going to lean over and tell her the truth, tell her that she was head over heels in love with her, she was woken up.

The voice was soft, velvet washing over river rocks.

“Paige.”

A soft hand on her shoulder, shaking gently. She smelled like coconuts and Tide. She smelled like…like Azzi. Her eyes shot open and immediately felt the room swim. Fuck. Stumbling, Paige headed for the bathroom and retched into the toilet. Azzi sighed and put the waffles on the counter before joining Paige in the bathroom. She grabbed a wet facecloth and placed it on the back of the blonde’s neck and rubbed her back softly. “You’re okay.”

Paige felt her body tighten and she threw up again, whatever mix of alcohol and fried food she had forced into her system last night. “I’m gonna die.” She mumbled, clutching the toilet like a life raft.

“No, you won’t. You’re just hungover.” Azzi said softly. She helped Paige strip her hoodie and she pulled her blonde hair up in a haphazard ponytail. Paige stared at her like she wasn’t 100% sure Azzi was in the small bathroom with her.

“Az…”

Azzi shook her head. “Later, when you’re not throwing up.” She said with a gentle smile. After the worst of the storm passed, Azzi helped the blonde into the shower.  “You’ll feel better, I promise.”

It wasn’t sexual, Azzi tugging Paige’s clothes off, it was far from it. Paige stood shivering, the full extent of her self-harm on display. Azzi sighed and gently helped Paige into the steaming water, setting out a towel for her when she was done. She went to Paige’s room and moved the pile of dirt clothes into the hamper and changed the sheets on her bed. Closing the hamper lid, the room looked and smelled a lot better. She pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose and sighed. What was she doing? Was she going to profess her undying love to her best friend and make this all worse? Nothing made sense. The water still ran in the bathroom and Azzi knew that she could still slip out and make an escape. It was only the end of October, she could still put in for a transfer, she was sure a program like USC would take her.

She was busy panicking when the water stopped and Paige gingerly walked into her room, resembling more a drowned rat than the star basketball player. Azzi helped her into a pair of sweats and a hoodie before gently combing through her blonde hair. Paige shuddered and Azzi wrapped the blanket around her. Her hands moved quickly and softly, braiding Paige’s hair into a French braid before turning and looking at Paige. Her hands were red and swollen, raw with cuts that opened in the hot water. The cuts moved up her knuckles and the back of her hands, angry marks made with precision. Punishment for her thoughts and deeds. Punishment for who she was. Paige turned and looked up at her, blue eyes rimmed with tears and she gently pulled her hands away. Azzi sighed and ran her thumbs over the cuts as if her touch was the balm to heal them.

“D-Don’t.” Paige mumbled, trying to pull her hands away.

“Paige?” Memories started to come back. Watching Katie bandage Paige’s hands, the two of them their heads together as they whispered silent words. The nights that the bed dipped and only slightly jarred Azzi from her sleep in the middle of the night. “How long?”

Shaking her head, Paige tried to pull her hands away from Azzi, but the younger girl held tight. “Why?”

A flash of anger washed over Paige’s face, and she pulled away quickly. “Because Azzi, because it’s WRONG.” She spit the word out like it physically hurt her. “It’s wrong, it’s gross, it’s immoral, it’s sinful and I CAN’T be like that.”

Azzi bit down on her lips, watching her best friend, arguably the love of her life, come apart. She didn’t say anything, she watched and let Paige get out all of feelings she had been holding back. She watched as Paige punched her pillow, tear at her hands, pain and desperation hitting her. Once she had calmed, Azzi looked at her with soft eyes.

“I know how you feel.” Azzi said softly, watching as Paige’s eyes snapped towards her. She took a deep breath and met Paige’s gaze. “I know that it feels wrong, that we’ve been told it’s wrong.” She said quietly. “But I also know that people…they live out in the open like that. And they’re happy. They’re loved. They’re IN love.”

The anger in Paige’s face melted to confusion and sadness. “Every time I thought about liking a girl, had feelings for a girl…Every time I kissed a girl…I felt like I had to make up for it. Make myself hurt for it.” She admitted, her voice a gentle whisper.

“How long?” Azzi asked, squeezing Paige’s hand gently.

Shrugging, Paige looked away. “Since after U16s.” She admitted.

“You could’ve told me.”

An eyebrow arched and Paige looked at Azzi. “Fourteen-year-old Azzi Fudd would’ve been fine with her best friend coming out?” She scoffed. “I wanted us more than I wanted to be…”

Azzi sighed and got up, heading to Paige’s bathroom. She found the remnants of the first aid kid and rifled through it, finding bandaids and Neosporin. Heading back to the bedroom, she took Paige’s hands and methodically started to clean and bandage every cut.

“How do you know how I feel, Azzi?” Paige asked as Azzi dabbed a cut with some Neosporin.

A shoulder arched, Azzi still focused on her job.

“Azzi?”

“I know because I’m there. Because I think I like girls.” Azzi admitted without looking up. She exhaled softly.

Paige went quiet and she watched Azzi as she carefully put bandaids on every one of her cuts. “You what?”

Slowly Azzi pulled her gaze up to meet Paige’s. “I think I like girls, Paige. I don’t really know, I’ve never kissed one or done anything but…” She shrugged.

“And you’re okay with it?” Paige spit out, quicker than she had anticipated.

Azzi sighed and sat up straight, wiping her hands on a towel. “Yeah, no, I guess so.” She said softly. “I mean, it’s not what I imagined, but there are people who are happy. They can be happy.” She bit down on her lower lip. “Someone smarter than me said that liking a girl doesn’t make you a bad person.” She said quietly. “It doesn’t make you wrong or broken.  It makes you HUMAN.  It makes you smart, kind, capable, caring, strong, brave, and amazing.” 

Paige fell silent and stared at Azzi. “I feel wrong and broken.”

“I get it.” Azzi said honestly. “I really get it. And I get if you never want to be out, but…there’s apparently more out there.” She said quietly. She stared at the blonde, at her best friend, and reached out and gently placed a hand on Paige’s shoulder and she watched as the older girl crumbled.

“I just don’t know what to do.” Paige mumbled. Her head pounded from the hangover, her chest tight with emotions.

“You don’t need to figure it out today.” Azzi said quietly. “How about we get you on the couch and I get you some Gatorade and Advil?” She suggested. “I made waffles, when you’re ready to try some solids.”  She got to her feet and extended her hand to Paige.

Paige stared at it before nodding slowly and allowed Azzi to softly wrap her fingers around her hand and pull her to her feet. She led her out into the main room and got Paige settled on the couch, wrapping a fuzzy blanket around her.

Moving around Paige’s apartment, Azzi grabbed a bottle of blue Gatorade, Paige’s favourite, and two extra strength Advil, bringing them to Paige. She sat down on the edge of the couch, unsure of where she should sit with the tension still between them. Paige didn’t speak, just reached out and brought Azzi closer, the younger girl slotting between her legs as usual. The tv played, something neither of them watched, Azzi interlacing her fingers with Paige’s, keeping her touch light.

“You’re going to be happy, Paige.” Azzi whispered. “One day. Maybe not today, maybe not this year, but you’re gonna be happy.”

Paige grunted and rested her chin on the top of Azzi’s hair. She didn’t dare utter the words she was thinking. Maybe I’m happy here and now.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

They fell into a fragile rhythm, the two of them. Nika and JJ stood silently in the periphery, always ready to swoop in and catch their chosen one if something came up. At first it was slow, tempered, but soon the smiles came easier, and tension unwound from ribs and lungs, spines and hearts.

It showed in practices and games, but it also in just their everyday movements. Smiles came easier, the banter returned. But the tightness, deep and rooted, was still there.

It was Wednesday and Paige looked over at Azzi. “I know you have statistics late tonight. It’s Wednesday, so what do you want to order?”

Azzi’s head cocked to the side and she stared at Paige, taking her in. “We’re still doing Wednesday take out?”

“If you want to,” Paige said softly, backpedaling a bit. “I mean, obviously we don’t have to..”

“No, I want to.” Azzi said quickly, giving Paige a gentle smile. “You choose, you know how indecisive I am.”

They stood, Azzi’s thumbs looped in the straps of her backpack, rocking back on her heels, Paige with her hands shoved deep in the pockets of her track pants. Paige smiled softly, the apples of her cheeks turning a soft pink and she glanced away quickly.

“Someone put them out of their misery already.” Christyn mumbled. “It’s like watching two middle schoolers flirt.”

Dorka smiled and shrugged. “They are cute, let them be.” She said softly, watching as the two younger players talked.

Olivia started to open her mouth, and the tall Hungarian shook her head. “Drop it.”

“Walk you to class?” Paige asked, giving Azzi a shy smile.

Azzi nodded, the two of them heading out of the locker room, Paige holding the door.

Olivia rolled her eyes and grabbed her clothes from her locker. “Middle schoolers.” She muttered.

The air was cold and heavy, the threat of snow whispering in each breath of wind. Azzi tugged her toque down over her curls as they weaved their way through the streets of the University, tucking into a building to walk through. Once they arrived at Azzi’s class, Paige nodded and gave her a cockeyed smile. “I’d come and pick you up, but I got class.”

“I think I can walk back to the dorms myself.” Azzi joked, though her face quickly turned serious. “But thanks, Paige. I’ll see you after class.”

Paige watched as Azzi slipped into the class and she sighed as the door shut behind her. Tugging the hood higher over her head, she took a deep breath and headed to her own class, feeling ridiculously warm, despite the cold that whipped around her.

Empty Chinese takeout containers littered the room, Paige gently wrapping the ice pack around Azzi’s knee. 

“Thanks.” Azzi mumbled, her fingers sliding over her phone. She smirked seeing the message that JJ sent her.

Paige’s eyebrows arched and she watched the younger girl. “All good?”

“Oh yeah.” Azzi said, flipping her phone over. “Just JJ…being JJ.”

Rolling her eyes, Paige crossed her arms across her chest. “I really don’t like her.” She mumbled.

“Pretty sure she feels the same about you too, Paige.” Azzi admitted, softly. “You’re both my friends and important to me. Eventually you’re going to have to learn to like each other.”

Friends. The same level as JJ or Caroline. Anger washed over her, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. A shudder ran through her when she felt Azzi’s hand on her knee.

“Hey. I’m sorry, I’m here with you, I told her that I can chat later.” Azzi said quietly, waiting for Paige to look at her. She smiled and flicked Paige’s ear, earning a swat and a chuckle from the blonde.

Things were different between the two of them, it wasn’t as easy as it was before, both checking and double-checking movements and choices.

“What are your plans tomorrow?” Azzi asked as the credits started to roll.

Paige shrugged. “Practice. Optional lifting. Class. Why?”

Rubbing her face nervously, Azzi looked over at Paige. “Want to come somewhere with me? Like after all that?”

Immediately Paige wanted to say yes. Tell Azzi that she would go ANYWHERE with her, that she would drop everything that she was doing to go with her, but she gave her a small nod. “Uh, sure.”

Azzi smiled. “Okay, cool. Dress casually and be hungry.” She said getting to her feet.

Paige looked towards her room and then back at Azzi. “Can we…at least cuddle? For a little bit before you go?”

There was no way Azzi could ever say no to Paige. She nodded and allowed Paige to pull her to her feet and lead her to the small bedroom. It took no time for them to be cuddled together, limbs tangled, Paige’s breath warm on the back of Azzi’s neck. The difference is that this time Azzi set an alarm, the tension in the air too thick for her to be able to sleep. They cuddled, Paige’s face buried in Azzi’s neck, her hands around Azzi’s waist. When the alarm finally went off, Azzi apologetically snuck out of Paige’s embrace.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, P.” Azzi whispered, squeezing Paige’s hand.

The blonde watched her, blue eyes tracking Azzi as she gathered her things. “See you tomorrow.” She said softly as the younger girl disappeared into the night air. Paige pulled the pillow to her chest and inhaled deeply, the scent of coconuts lingering.

“Holy shit, Paige Bueckers is going to an optional lift session.” Nika teased, wiping her face with the collar of her shirt.

“It’s because Azzi’s going.” Aaliyah teased, watching as Paige packed up her bag, leaving her basketball shoes in her locker.

Dorka watched silently and shook her head. “Let them go, it is optional.” She said, most people choosing not to go anyway.

Azzi waited for Paige and gave her a smile as they walked to the weightroom. 

“Can’t believe you convinced me to do an optional lift session.” Paige whined, making a face as they entered the gym. The music blared, the air was cold and damp, female voices cheered as plates clanked.

Paige put her stuff in the corner, a loud voice breaking through.

“Superstar!”  JJ broke through the women’s hockey team and skipped toward Azzi and Paige.  “And Bueckers.”

“I don’t get a cool nickname?” Paige muttered as she followed Azzi to the bench press to spot her. JJ got there first and started to set up for Azzi, chatting with the younger girl who laid down on the bench. “I can spot her.” Paige said, bumping JJ who stared at Paige with an amused look on her face.

JJ stepped aside and sat down on the bench beside them, her grey eyes dancing, a smirk playing on her lips. “You spot her.”

By the middle of the workout, Paige felt her frustration with JJ boil over. The older girl was always THERE. She could feel her eyes on them when she wasn’t physically close to them.

“Don’t you have something else to do?!” Paige asked, spinning around to face JJ who was setting up the hack squat machine.

JJ took a step forward, into Paige’s physical space. Straightening up to her full height, Paige stared down at the other girl, their eyes meeting dangerously.

“Doing hack squats.” JJ said, her voice cold. “Y’know, lift session.” She said seriously, adding plates, catching Paige’s resolve falter slightly at the third plate. Taking a step aside, Paige couldn’t help but watch as JJ squatted more than what she weighed. Hell, more than what she and Azzi weighed combined. Her mouth was dry as she watched eight, nine, fifteen reps before the older girl took a break. Paige glanced over at Azzi who watched on with admiration.

Paige mumbled something under her breath and JJ took a step away from the weights, her eyebrows disappearing into her mop of curly dark hair.

“What was that?” JJ asked, taking a step forward.

All the air in the room was sucked out, the music suddenly fading. Paige straightened her back and stood to her full height, staring at JJ. The older girl just shook her head, her eyes rolling.

“Y’don’t always have to be around Azzi.” Paige spit out, so close she could feel the damp heat from the other woman.

“I got a girl, Bueckers, I don’t need yours.” JJ said, a hint of astonishment in her voice. Her arms crossing as Paige took a step forward.

“Then why you all up in Azzi?” Paige asked, the energy vibrating between them.

The posture of the other girl softened, and she glanced over at Azzi who was standing off to the side, colour on her cheeks, her thumbnail in her mouth. “Because someone’s gotta look out for her.” She said quietly.

Paige deflated and exhaled, looking over her shoulder at Azzi. She stayed silent but turned and headed towards the younger girl. “Let’s get our lift in.” She mumbled.

“See you later, superstar.” JJ called as she grabbed her towel and wiped her face.

Azzi gave her a small wave and looked at Paige. “She’s our ride tonight.”

“Great.” Paige mumbled. “Just great.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Paige changed her outfits twice before she heard Azzi’s soft knock at the door. She finally decided a pair of loose jeans, a black boxy tshirt and a lavender zip up. She put on some chapstick before deeming her outfit finished. She opened the door and gave Azzi a smile. The younger girl was wearing jeans, and a UConn crewneck, her makeup was soft and understated, but she still made Paige’s heart leap.

“H-Hey.” Paige mumbled softly, grabbing her keys and wallet.

“Hey.” Azzi said with a smile. She waited for Paige, shoving at her hands in her pockets. They walked down together, shoulder to shoulder, and down to the waiting SUV.

Paige rolled her eyes but opened the door for Azzi before walking around the other side.  “JJ.” She said, nodding to the driver.

“Hi, I’m Katie!” The passenger said, turning around to face the two in the back.  “Hey, Azzi, we’ve met before, but I think I was drinking.” She said, with a smile. “You must be Paige, JJ told me that you were coming. Good thing it’s Thursday because there’s lots of food on Thursdays and Mom and Dad are really good cooks. I didn’t go last week but…” She looked over at JJ who gave her an exasperated smile.

“I love you, Katie, but turn around and buckle up.” JJ said, a laugh on the edge of her voice.

“Sorry!” Katie said, giving two thumbs up over the top of the seat.

Azzi laughed softly and shook her head, glad that Katie was there to break some of the tension. She looked over at Paige who looked like she was ready to jump out of the vehicle. Azzi brushed her fingers over Paige’s hand, sighing when Paige flinched.

They pulled away and Katie filled the silence. She glanced over her shoulder, a sad frown on her face. Reaching for JJ’s free hand, she took it and visibly interlaced their fingers, pressing a kiss on the other girl’s knuckles.

Paige watched silently, watched as the couple in the front showed their affection. No hesitation, no fear of repercussions. She glanced over at Azzi and brushed her pinky against the younger girl’s. Their fingers touched softly, an almost visible spark between them. Pinkies looped, Paige stared down at their hands. She exhaled softly through her nose, a shiver running up her spine. She had kissed girls before, but every time she did the pit inside her head and her stomach grew, the pit of pain and despair. But this, she felt almost relieved, but terrified. Her leg bounced nervously as they drove, her eyes only on their hands that inched closer and closer together.

She wasn’t sure how long they drove, she couldn’t tell you when they pulled off the freeway, she only looked up when the harsh lighting filled the SUV.

“We’re here!” Katie announced, a singsong quality in her voice, tumbling out of the SUV. She threw Azzi’s door open and grinned.

Paige stepped out and stood on the sidewalk, waiting for Azzi. She stared at the totally ordinary house in front of her. Small, non-descript, totally non-threatening, but her heart hammered in her ribcage.

“Y’know, I’ve seen lots of Criminal Minds and murders start like this.” Paige said, eyes darting around. “Normal house, dark street…and like Katie is already missing.”

JJ chuckled, her hands in her pockets. “There’s food inside.” She said with a shrug. “So she’s inside. She led the way around back, the lights around the trees leading the way.

“I still think we’re gonna be murdered.” Paige mumbled, stepping in front of Azzi to protect her…but making sure she was behind JJ. They walked down the stairs, toeing off their shoes and leaving them against a wall. Katie was already walking around with a giant bag of chips and a soda, music playing from one corner and the TV on with a soccer game playing in the background.

“This, is the group.” JJ said, opening her arms. “It’s just a place for young people to be themselves.” She said, emphasizing the last word. “Everyone here is young and somehow fits under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella.”

Paige looked around slowly, her eyes landing on two women cuddling in the corner and then two young men sitting on the couch, one arm slung lazily over the other’s shoulders. Her cheeks flushed and her chest tightened in panic, her eyes dragging back to Azzi.

“It’s okay.” Azzi whispered, brushing her pinkie against Paige’s, giving her a reassuring smile. “It’s safe.” She gave Paige a gentle smile and nodded towards the table of snacks. “Let’s get something to drink.”

Paige nodded, watching as Katie dropped into JJ’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck, a blush rising from Paige’s chest as she watched. She followed Azzi to the table and picked out a Coke from the table, her eyes still taking in the scene around them. They found a spot to sit, their thighs touching as Paige stayed quiet. She looked around before looking back at Azzi. “You seem…comfortable here.”

“JJ brought me last week. It’s…” Azzi exhaled and chewed on her words before speaking again. “It’s nice to be able to see what there can be out there.” She said slowly. “That it’s not all bad or all judgements.” She smiled with a small shrug. “That it gets better.” She watched as Paige’s hand inched towards hers, their pinkies brushing. A smile crossed her lips, and she opened her own can of Diet Coke. She could feel Paige relaxing, bit by bit, her shoulders dropping slightly, her breathing slowing.

They sat together until Azzi stood up and pulled Paige up to her feet. “There are two people I want you to meet.” She said, not letting go of Paige’s hand as they walked towards the small kitchen.

“Oh Azzi, you’re here.”

Azzi smiled and gave Marilyn a side hug, her hand still holding Paige’s. “I am, and I brought my…I brought Paige.” She said softly.

The older woman gave Paige a gentle smile. “Hi Paige, welcome. I’m Marilyn, that’s my husband Greg.” She motioned to the man who was checking on something in the oven.

Paige felt sweat bead on the back of her neck, and she swallowed hard. They were in Connecticut; everyone knew who she was. “Uh..Hey.” She mumbled softly, feeling the sweat moisten her hands, but Azzi never let go.

“It’s lasagna for supper today. Two kinds, and salad and garlic bread.” Marilyn said, placing a soft and on Paige’s shoulder. “You’re safe here, Paige.” She whispered. Then she moved, letting her words linger. “Azzi, can you help Greg chopping the vegetables?”

Azzi squeezed Paige’s hand and took a step away and grabbed a knife.

“What do you need me to do?” Paige asked, knowing that she should keep her hands and mind busy.

Marilyn smiled and handed Paige a stack of plates. “You can help me set out the plates.”

The silence between the four of them was comfortable, normal. Paige moved around the small kitchen and helped bring out the food, watching as people came up to the tables and filled their plates. Couples and groups broke off, holding hands, sharing kisses, enjoying being together. Paige glanced over at Azzi who was carefully putting a piece of lasgana on her plate. There was a softness to Azzi in this setting, a comfort, an ease. She filled her own plate and sat beside Azzi on the couch, their legs touching.

“This is delicious.” Paige said through a mouthful of food. She smiled at Azzi and didn’t react when the younger girl wiped some sauce off her chin. Azzi’s touch lingered, their gaze electric and loaded.

“And there’s cake!”

They pulled away, the moment broken. Katie dropped beside Azzi and gave her a bright grin. “Mom made cake, there’s like banana cake and chocolate cake.”

JJ gave Paige and Azzi an apologetic smile and shook her head. “Thanks, love.” She said, patting Katie on the shoulder. “How about we give them some space?”

Katie looked at the younger couple and then at her girlfriend. “But I still get cake?”

“You still get cake.” JJ assured her, pulling her to her feet.

Azzi’s body shook with soft giggles, her head burying in Paige’s shoulder. And Paige let her. She wrapped her arm around her, holding her close. Without the lingering shame.

They were all loaded down with arms full of leftovers, bags safely stowed in the back of the SUV. Paige’s hand ghosted over Azzi’s, a silent invitation. Azzi opened her hand and their hands meeting in the dark. Their bodies slid closer together, Azzi’s head resting on Paige’s shoulder, Paige inhaling her scent.

The ride was quiet, Katie humming along to a song, JJ focused on the road, Paige and Azzi focused on each other.

“How are you feeling?” Azzi whispered, her thumb brushing over Paige’s knuckles.

“Surprisingly okay.” Paige answered, her mouth close to Azzi’s ear.

“You’ll message me if you feel like you want to hurt yourself, right?”

Paige nodded, squeezing Azzi’s hand. “Yeah.” She whispered, expecting to feel the wave of shame wash over her. But it didn’t, it didn’t even materialize. Instead, she felt something else, the smallest flicker of hope.

[xxforestsnookxx]

I do not own this image 👍

Healing Pains

Jason Todd X GNReader (they are his other half/they are dating)

Heyyy so it's been a hot minute, I hope yall are well. I've been super busy, But that's beside the point. So here's some Jason hurt/comfort angst. Enjoy.

This work has topics of family issues, heavy daddy issues. All of this is primarily on the readers' part. I dont wish to make Jason suffer anymore. #justice for Jason Todd, anyway, you've been warned. Enjoy.

You and Jason had been dating for almost three years now. You've had plenty of bumps and mishaps along the way to being the couple you are today, but it seemed to be all worth it.

You tried to keep most of your issues to yourself, you knew Jason had been through so much, from dying and being brought back to life, torture, and so much worse. You knew he was still healing, and you didnt want to put your own problems on to him, he had enough on his plate.

But tonight seemed to contradict that.

Jason was still out on patrol, keeping Gotham safe and whatnot. He wouldn't be back to your shared apartment until later tonight around three am, at least that's what he promised you. Sometimes, that changed depending on if jason picked up another smuggling ring trail.

Currently, you lay in bed, listening to your phone fire off a million notifications all at once. You're father had been blowing up your phone since ten thirty.

You had decided to cut contact with your father a while ago, he was a mentally abusive prick, and had threatened you and your other loved ones with violence on many other occasions.

Now, perhaps he had gotten into your head again, maybe.. but currently, you felt awful trying to block him. Something about it felt wrong.

You had done it before but now it just felt.. wide of the mark.

Originally, you had him blocked, but he reached out. He said he had changed, and he had promised you. He promised that he had stopped drinking and was seeing a therapist. You had actually believed him, too.

You had high hopes, maybe this time it was true. Maybe he wouldn't get your hopes up.

But that hope was short-lived. You began talking to him about your life, and how you were doing, and he had nothing but negative things to say. You had tried to brush it off, but there wasn't any way of doing that.

Eventually he called you, you hoped maybe it was to say something good about you, and the life you had created for yourself, but it was nothing but negative backlash.

"Do you know how much your actions hurt me? You shut me out of your life, and I've done nothing to deserve it! Im your father. I deserve to be in your life!"

Was the first thing he screamed at you. You proceeded to try and explain your reasoning to him for the next two hour's, but it went nowhere.

He just kept repeating how deeply you had hurt him, when you were just trying to protect yourself from him.

It felt like everything almost meant nothing, you felt small. Just as you did when you were much younger, and lived with him.

Every awful thing he said to you, every threat of violence, every scream, every beer bottle thrown at you.. for fucking what?

Why did you keep accepting him back into your life when he claimed he had changed, and that he was working on himself? Even when you knew deep down he was never changing, He would never be the person you wanted him to be.

Why did you have hope that he would change?

As you laid there, you could feel tears flooding your eyes. You debated looking at your phone, but what was the point? It was just gonna be the same bullshit it was every other time.

You continued to listen to the buzzing of your phone, when you heard the front door of your apartment open, Jason was home.

You curled up in on yourself. There felt like there was so much noise in your apartment, from your phone, to Jason doing his nightly routine.

It was just to overwhelming. You began to cry harder from how loud everything felt.

Jason soon came in. He was attempting to be quiet, but that's when he saw what was happening.

Jason wasn't the best at comforting people, but, he knew you needed him right now.

He walked over to the bed, his steps careful even with his taller muscular frame, he could be rather light on his feet.

"Whats going on?" Jason questioned gently, sitting down beside you, the bed dipping slightly with his weight.

You didnt answer, you felt rather ashamed about what happened.

Jason, ever so observant, had noticed. "Hey, talk to me. What's going on?" He carefully placed a hand on your side, his hands rough, but his touch was gentle and soft.

"I did something stupid, ok?" You snapped slightly as you sat up, leaning back against the headboard.

Jason's face scrunched slightly, but he didnt say anything about your attitude yet. Your tears were more of a concern.

"I assume it has to do with.. that?" He gestured to your phone with his hand.

You waited a moment, then nodded.

"Yeah." You hesitated to say.

"May I?" Jason asked, as he picked up your phone, waiting for permission to open it.

A small sigh left you, then you nodded. Attempting to wipe your tearful eyes.

He opened your phone, opening the messages you hadn't.

After about 5 minutes, Jason's face fell. He looked upset, and irritated.

"Babe, why did you tell me about this?" He asked, Jason was more concerned than anything. But he was angry just from reading the awful bullshit your father had sent you, but he was doing his best to keep that underwraps.

You sat there, trying to figure out how to even answer that question.

"I didnt want you to worry, a-and it just started anyway.." you replied sheepishly.

"Baby, he's actively disrespecting you. Hell, he even threatened you. Im your boyfriend, it's my job to worry about you, just like you worry about me." He said, Jason was trying his hardest to keep his anger in check. "You dont have to go through this stuff alone."

Jason took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"He isn't worth your time. I know you want him to change.. but you and I both know that's just not gonna happen." It was a hard truth, but Jason was right.

You sat there dead silent. You knew Jason was right, He had an awful tendency to be.

You began to sob harder than before. You werent even sure what made you cry harder.

"Baby.." Jason whispered, he was quick to pull you close, holding you against his chest. One of his hands rested on the back of your head, while the other carefully rubbed your back.

"I really thought he was gonna change this time." You said between sobs. "I had so much hope that he was gonna change Jay. Why was I stupid enough to think he wasn't an asshole anymore?"

Jason kept holding you, his hand still rubbing gentle circles on your back. "You just want him to care, to act like a dad.. its normal." He said gently. "Your not stupid for hoping he would care about you."

You knew he was right, but it didn't make you feel much better. You nuzzled your face further into his chest.

"Do you want me to block him?" He asked after a silent moment.

You thought it over. It was probably best. You gave him a gentle nod of your head.

It took Jason less than a simple click of a button. He set your phone back down on the nightstand, not letting go of you for anything.

"Better?" He asked gently after a silent moment.

It was quiet for the first time in what felt like hours; no notifications, no calls, just the gentle sound of Jason's heartbeat.

"Much." You mumbled against him.

After some time, you were wrapped up under the soft blankets of your shared bed. Holding onto one another.

"I'm proud that you kept your cool during that." You said after a gentle moment.

"Heh, yeah, it was, uh, rough, and I kinda hated every second of it." Jason admitted. "But I am glad I was able to do that for you. I guess we're both healing, huh?"

"Yeah, some slower than others.." you said with a bit of self depreciation.

"Hey, was it not you who said that healing wasn't a straight line?" He gently jabbed your side.

You paused. You did say that to him a couple weeks ago.

"See? You did. Now, from now on, I vote if one of us needs help with anything, we talk about it. Ok? Anything at all. I want to be here for you." He kissed your cheek. "Just as you have been for me."

You stayed close to his side, your hands wrapped around his waist.

"Yeah, I think that would be a good start."

[vel-vet61]

tongue ring temptation

explicit 18+, piercings, dad’s best friend!joel, 69, smut obvi, everyone’s an adult!!, dirty talk, daddy kink type filth, might have to do another part sometime idk tho only if it’s what the people want

—————————————————————

honestly, you didn’t know how the word got around about your new tongue ring so fast. either way, when your family tried asking about it, you declared it as nothing but a fashion statement. and sure, there’d been plenty of curious eyes trying to catch a peek since.

but really, the only pair of eyes burning the back of your head so persistently, almost shamelessly was always joel miller. joel, mr. miller, the mystery man that lives alone down the street. also amongst your father’s neighborhood friend group. even if joel was a little on the quieter side compared to the rest, it wasn’t hard to see what he thought about you.

it’s just this phase she’s going through, your father says to joel as they lay in lawn chairs in the backyard. she’s just a punk-y kind of girl. I don’t even know how many times she’s come home during the holidays with another tattoo or a new hole in her face. barely recognize her anymore. kids, am I right?

joel’s grip around the can of beer almost crushed it. he forces himself to refrain from giving any kind of reaction. the adam’s apple in his throat bobbed up and down as he gathers up more stoicism and some goddamn composure.

“yeah. guess she is lookin’ pretty different nowadays.”

joel doesn’t know what else to say after that. he gulps down the rest of his cold brew and turns his head to dreamily stare off into the window of your vacant bedroom.

even if it’s only allowed for a brief moment, his mind still goes wild thinking of how gorgeous you’d look choking on every inch of his dick while he fucked your mouth relentlessly. in an instant, his body feeds him some more fantasy fuel. his dick slowly sprang up, on the verge of begging for at least a little attention and relief in his jeans.

and yeah, he already can’t help it anymore.

his mind drifted off further away, beginning to imagine the kinds of things you could do with that new stud in your tongue. how much hotter it’ll be kissing you with it. swirling his own tongue around the ball. maybe after tonight he’ll look up some vibrating tongue rings from the mall to buy you—

your dad’s phone rings obnoxiously, snapping joel out of his embarrassing daze. he watched in the corner of his eye as your father’s face lit up after answering it.

“there she is. late flight, huh? come say hi to me and joel out back once you get here, honey.”

—

throughout the night it wouldn’t have been as much heinous torture if you hadn’t been reciprocating all of his micro advances.

he’d lick his lips like he was parched while you’d talk and catch up with him and your parents. felt even more devious when you’d absentmindedly start playing with the shiny silver ball in your mouth. like a secret just for him to see.

he makes an innocent attempt at conversation alone while your parents do their own bickering. joel had asked you if it hurt when you got it. you wanna roll your eyes at such a typical question, but he seems genuinely baffled. still laughing it off, you go on explaining it only hurt to eat and you had to hold off on smoking for a bit but now it’s all healed. completely.

implying you could do whatever he wanted to him and then some.

around midnight was when the casual ‘welcome home’ shindig was over. joel helped load your luggage upstairs, helped your parents clean up and even helped wash the dishes right next to you.

someway and somehow, there was an unspoken bet that both of you should just play pretend when it was time to say goodbye, meet up later some place elsewhere. where you could both be alone.

joel has a subtle smirk pointed at you, looking like you possess this dirty little secret only the two of you share. the tension in the room has you two in a chokehold. he slowly moves in to hug you, tightening once both of you loosen up and relax into it. before you have a chance to say anything, your parents are right back behind and waiting to say their goodbyes to joel too.

he eats the moment up, wanting to take the opportunity to turn you red as a tomato again.

“I feel bad for your dad, you’re really growin’ up pretty, sweetheart. probably already breakin’ hearts.”

you barely register your parents in the background giving their ooohs and awwws about how much you’ve grown up too. your dad agrees with him, that he really is fucked. joel thinks he doesn’t know the half of it. they say their good nights and good byes, and joel steadily keeps his eye on you knowingly.

about an hour later, you’re treading lightly down the dark street to his house, knocking rhythmically with both fists on his back door.

joel is shirtless in old plaid pajamas as he slides the screen door open and turns a light on. when the initial shock and excitement washes over him, so does the hesitance, and he goes on and on and on. tries to warn you about the consequences, and blah, blah, blah. luckily you’ve quickly found your way of easily shutting his worries down, going in and kissing across his jaw and down to his scruffy neck while you reassure him it’s okay, y’know. not like I’ll even dream of telling him about this. know you’ve thought about it too.

his breathing gets labored once you had him right where you wanted him, and he decides fuck it. it was only a matter of time before he was gonna do something about his problem anyway, with or without you here.

he was already going to hell for thinking about it, fantasizing about you and what skills you could show off with that tongue.

—

though you’ve known joel for a few years now, in your eyes he’d only ever been this shy, wounded, somewhat guarded man.

but now that you’re getting tangled up in his sheets, shedding your clothes sitting in between his toned legs, begging him to take you however he wants you; he doesn’t ever seem to shut the fuck up. he’s voicing everything he’s feeling, throwing names at you and controlling the pace however he wants. and it just makes you need him that much more, hearing how much he’s needed you all this time.

now you’re down on your knees because he shoved you there. he’s commando under his pajamas, the hard outline through the fabric making it pretty transparent.

you watch as it twitched and stubbornly whipped up and poked upwards against his stomach. he strokes the base lazily and breathes hard. you stick your tongue out invitingly.

“oh fuck—show me how good that ball on your tongue feels. yeah, that’s it—good girl. suck it all down, good little slut. mhmm.”

he cheered you on as you close your eyes and hum around the mouthful of his warm length. you feel the rapid heartbeat thumping, pulsing. with juicy fervor, your mouth starts to salivate as you suckle down the tip and swallow around whatever you can. you start to gain a sense of routine for what drove joel mad and use it to your advantage.

he moaned the longest whenever you made obscene efforts trying to wiggle the silver little ball around every one of his sensitive spots. or show it off while you flattened the length of your tongue to lick a strip from the bottom to the top.

the line beneath his tip down to the long thick vein gets your undivided attention and affection. the kitten licks give him more stimulation than he knows how to deal with. it’s so good that joel has to do a double take, yanking your face off of him. strings of spit still keep you both connected, and joel is tempted to take a fucking picture. he tries to catch his breath, angrily pinching the tip to keep himself from cumming.

he gives up only a second later and starts pumping himself with a loose grip, staring down at you while he mumbles “yeah, fuckin’ knew it. only dirty girls that like gettin’ their mouth used and fucked have these. you’re just made to drink up my cum, aren’t you? fuck. makes it so good. c’mon, open up.” he instructs, his gruff demeanor returning while his thumb pulls down on your plush bottom lip, opening your mouth up to him again.

you stick your tongue ring out with siren eyes gazing up at him. ducking your head lower, you start running the silver ball up the veiny base of his cock some more. precum slowly but surely starts dribbling out in little waves, sloppy right from the tip. you already found yourself missing what he sounds like when he’s helpless.

“fuck, stop, hold on,” he commands, the words coming out in depraved whimpers as his hands reach down to pull your head back. “enough. I wanna touch you some more.”

you unconsciously try hiding your blushing cheeks when he brought your face up to his. he grabs your chin and doesn’t allow you to hide anything from him. his palm is still pressing on the back of your head, pushing your face closer. it was as close as he’s let his lips near yours, and it started to look like he couldn’t contain himself any longer.

his big hands slide down your whole backside as he relented and connects his lips with yours. the fact that your mouth had just been going to work on his dick and he doesn’t even care. it occurred to you that that’s what might be turning him on even more while your lips slowly move together. he embraces the tang of his own pre-cum and finally goes in to play with your piercing. you hum in his mouth when he suddenly heaves you up in his lap, ripping his mouth from you and moving on to the descent of the valley between your breasts.

“these nipples sure would look real cute if you pierced them too,” he proclaims, mesmerized. two of his fingers grab one of your nipples and pinch the soft bud. it hardens while goosebumps trail beneath his touch.

“or maybe…” the pad of his finger wanders down your body all the way down to your eager clit. you immediately start rutting up against the perfect pressure. “maybe you could pierce this cute little clit next. make it feel good for both of us,” he grins, twisting the button and spits a decent amount down and rubs it in. you mewl and keen and whine out his name. “bet you’d just melt under me while I eat it. teasing you would be too fuckin’ easy.”

“thought about it over summer,” you admit. “didn’t have the money though.”

“I’ll get it for you,” he insists, head traveling down lower to stuff his face between your thighs. “think you’ll love it even more when I kiss it. tease it. looking so fucking pretty.”

you grab hold of his salt and pepper hair and comb your fingers through it, sighing and smiling. “really? you’d do that for me?”

joel nods while making himself at home. runs his tongue up and down your smooth entrance, warming up before he nuzzled his nose into your clit. the man takes the squeal coming from your mouth as a reward, and he licks up the evidence of your excitement.

“mmmhm. wanna see my cum on every tattoo, on every piercing,” he kisses your inner thigh and sticks his thumb to your chin. “starting with that tongue ring of yours, baby girl.”

“please, please joel—“

“fuck…” joel impatiently snakes the tip of his middle finger inside, feeling the wet warmth tempt him. “c’mere, I know we’re both so close. doing good for me. god, knew you were a daddy’s girl.”

your cheeks heat as slick gushed between your legs at the pet name he gave himself. you brace yourself for what elaborate plan he has next while he manhandled you around like you were nothing but a sack of grapes. he maneuvers your face in his lap while his face gets a full frontal.

“I cum on that tongue, you cum on mine.”

it’s hard not to drool when his length is in your face again, but you get the memo that he’s not fucking around anymore when you feel him plunge several fingers inside. his tongue joins to wet your clit and suck it like a gumdrop.

“joel, I’m—I’m really close, I can’t…”

“I know, I know. me too, me too just—just keep going,” he groans, feeling you clamp down around his fingers. it’s only a matter of time before you’ll be just as tight and wet around his cock. he physically aches from having to hold back, his moans buzzing through you while you gulp him down inch by inch.

you’re drunk on each other, faces stuffed in each other’s laps, in perfect sync with how close you are. sweat beads down your chest and you’re begging him to either let up or let you finish. the thick digits plunging inside you over and over make a hook. you clench down on him one last time and just barely let out your warning that there’s no hope left for you to keep lingering right at the edge.

“yeah, that’s my girl. that’s daddy’s girl. love makin’ you feel this good.”

his rough voice stutters out more blind praise while you make a slick mess. he laps up all of it, sultry greed taking over him while you come down.

just when you think you have time to recover, he’s flinging you right back down to your place on your knees. his cock is swollen and red as he fists and taps it on your mouth, signaling you to open up. hazy, you still do as you’re told and open wide, ready to catch everything he’ll give to you.

“shit, baby. that’s right, keep it open wide for me,” he panted. a deep, low warning follows as the first spurt of his cum lands right on the bullseye. your mouth is almost full by the end, and he doesn’t let a drop land anywhere else. a hand comes down to hold your jaw open before he goes down to merge you in a sloppy kiss. you feel his tongue move sensually against yours, playing more with your tongue ring. sharing the mouthful of his load.

he pulls away and wipes his mouth and tells you to swallow and show him again.

the only sound in the room is heavy breathing. you feel your limbs turn to jello and accept your fate when you try sitting up, only falling back over when he tugs you back down.

kissing your temple, he rubs your shoulder with ease before wiping the sweat from his brow.

“I uh, I know this isn’t exactly ideal,” he trails off, a post-nut wave of insecurity rushing through him when he thinks about the shit he let come out of his mouth. “but I’ve thought about that for a real long time.”

“oh, I know what you’ve thought about this whole time,” you chuckle, nuzzling your head in his shoulder and dragging a nail up and down his arm. “if I knew all’s I had to do what stick my tongue out at you, I would’ve done it forever ago. you’re easy.”

“I’m only a man, sweetheart. don’t even gotta bat those eyes and I knew I wanted you,” he finds your eyes and holds contact with sincerity.

both of you lean in and kiss once more. it isn’t leading anywhere this time. it’s just because you wanted to.

“oh and I stand by my word. we’re getting that clit pierced soon.”

you laugh and scoff and kiss him some more.

in the early hours of the morning, you’d fall asleep still wrapped around each other and sleep in late enough not to get home in time. your father’s words float back to joel’s head when he slowly wakes up and sees what time it is.

barely recognize her anymore. kids, am I right?

[arosafee]

Seen someone Wanted a Villain Danny AU

So basically Danny had enough of all the tortures experiments done on him. Which causes him to snap and take full control of amity park. First part of The Terror Twins AU:

There also a second part but its a crossover:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67640831/chapters/174843386

------------------------------------------------------

Danny chuckled. Which caused all of them to freeze in place.

"I am truly disappointed, that your acceptance only comes out in crowds. But who would love an evil ghost am I right?" Danny commented turning back into Phantom and letting his ice spread on to his parents legs. While coming out from behind Jazz.

"Danny..." Jazz tried to interrupt.

"If you had the chance I wonder. If you as well just would have cut into me behind closet doors, but I guess the little fame I had did protect me in the end" Danny mused.

"What are you spouting Ghost!" Jack yelled, while trying to shoot himself free of Danny's ice.

"Maybe I should get a different kind of fame. That doesn't in danger the living realm" Danny ignored his parents question and put up an ecto shield as soon as Maddie shot at him.

Jazz looked conflicted. On one hand Danny was right, their parents are shitty. On the other hand they are still there parents. Something clearly changed in her brother's attitude and he was still Bleeding.

"Danny I brought an ecto dejector and the to go med kit. Would you let me help you?" Jazz held out the ecto dejector to him.

As Danny turned to her his smile changed from a menacing one to a fond one. He took the offered help. It healed his wounds almost in an instant.

"Thank you Jazz" Danny said as his current physical pain stopped.

"Jazz why are you siding with a ghost? Haven't you seen how dangerous they are? That thing is not your brother!" Maddie called out. Still shooting at Danny.

Jazz sighed. "He is. Weather you like it or not. My brother. I know because I don't threaten him almost every single day with taking him apart in front of his face. I know because unlike you I paid attention to how Danny's mood changed over the last 2 years. Instant of burying myself into researching how to hurt someone that hasn't done anything to you."

"He stole our equipment" jack countered weakly.

[reginalds]

I've been on my semi-annual revisit of LOTR (in case any of you weren't already aware) and there's something so special to me this time around about Frodo as a disabled hero and how that is framed in such a caring and patient way, which is so rare to see in fiction.

Lesser stories would have healed Frodo the moment the ring was destroyed. It's a familiar trope, particularly in fantasy and science fiction, because why would a character still be disabled when there are surely ways to cure them? How could it be a good ending, unless all the trauma our heroes faced was magically over?

We're so used to disabling injuries in fiction being treated somehow because it wouldn't be a true happy ending unless that character is cured. There's always some sort of magic hand waving that erases this new facet of their identity, telling the audience that it was always something that had to be fixed. And I shouldn't need to explain how this feeds into the idea that to be disabled is to be inherently "broken".

But Frodo isn't magically healed at the end of The Lord of the Rings.

‘Are you in pain, Frodo?’ said Gandalf quietly as he rode by Frodo’s side. ‘Well, yes I am,’ said Frodo. ‘It is my shoulder. The wound aches, and the memory of darkness is heavy on me. It was a year ago today.’ ‘Alas! there are some wounds that cannot be wholly cured,’ said Gandalf. ‘I fear it may be so with mine,’ said Frodo. ‘There is no real going back. Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same; for I shall not be the same. I am wounded with knife, sting, and tooth, and a long burden. Where shall I find rest?’ Gandalf did not answer.

I keep thinking about this passage from Return of the King. There can be loneliness in disability, especially in invisible disabilities and chronic illness, because most of your loved ones will never be able to understand how it feels. There are so many stories from the community about "Disability Grief," particularly as more and more people are becoming disabled by Long Covid.

You grieve the life you had before and the people you've lost along the way, who grew tired of waiting for you to get better. You grieve the ability to rely on medical professionals to help, as now all they can do is offer temporary and expensive measures through a broken system that has all but abandoned you. Where shall I find rest?

By the end of the day after this conversation, Frodo is very nearly back to his old self, the pain forgotten as he laughs with his friends again. When he returns to the Shire, there are still good days and bad days, and yet "Frodo knew that he was more lucky himself; for there was not a hobbit in the Shire that was looked after with such care."

And we see Frodo enfolded in such love and care throughout the story. We see him wounded so early on, both physically with the morgul blade at Weathertop and spiritually in the Mines of Moria with the loss of Gandalf, and we see the slow and painful effect of the ring on him - and yet this is never treated as a burden.

While there are a lot of fans out there who see Frodo as weak (which is a rant of its own for another time), that isn't the case in the story. And it's never the case for Samwise Gamgee, friend of friends, and dearest of all hobbits, who carries Frodo on his back up the mountain as though he weighs nothing at all - because he was never a burden and he never will be.

There's an understanding throughout the narrative and from most of the characters of how much of a terrible weight Frodo carries. When he falls, when the ring takes what's left of his strength, and when he can barely walk near the end - he isn't seen as weak, and there is always someone there, holding him through it and keeping him steady.

Though there is often grief woven in the fabric of our disabled bodies, there is still so much joy in community. We care for each other, even if no one else will, and even when society as a whole would rather leave us behind. We share the weight of our grief and our burdens so that it's never truly ours to carry alone. “It’s not the weight you carry but how you carry it – books, bricks, grief – it’s all in the way you embrace it, balance it, carry it when you cannot, and would not, put it down.” - Mary Oliver, 'Heavy'

Frodo's wounds aren't healed by the narrative. Even with all that love and care wrapped around him, it still isn't enough, and he has to leave it all behind to finally find rest after his long journey.

FRODO Goodbye, Sam. SAM No, Frodo. FRODO You must stay here. You have Rosie now, and a baby due before Spring. You've so much to enjoy, and be, and do. SAM I thought we'd do it together. FRODO So did I, for a while. But I'm too badly hurt, Sam. I choose the evening, and your love is given to the morning. Everything we did was to save the Shire. It has been saved, but not for me... All that I had, and might have had, I leave to you.

And it hurts. It doesn't matter how many times I watch or read his departure for the Grey Havens, I will always cry and feel as though I'm also saying goodbye to a loved one. It never gets any easier.

But I still don't think I'd want it to end any other way. Because it's okay to need rest. It's okay to stop for a while in this world that never seems to slow down, even as it leaves the most vulnerable in our communities behind. Some wounds can't be healed, and yet there is still hope and respite in community. There is still light and high beauty, forever beyond the shadow's reach.

NARRATOR So Frodo Baggins boards the Great Ship and passes onwards into the West, until a sweet fragrance fills his senses and the sound of music comes over the water. Then it seems to him, as in a dream, the grey cloud is rolled back. He beholds white shores and, beyond them, a far green country.

[good-beanswrites]

Fire Emblem death quotes for the Milgram cast? :3

So uhh I got a little carried away I did a few different types of quotes lol 😂 Some of these made me SAD, some of them are ridiculously cheesy references, but what is fire emblem if not a bizarre balance of both moods?

Haruka:

Select quote: U-um, are you sure?

Crit quote: Look, Muu-san! / Are you watching?

Death quote: M-mama… Did I at least… make you proud?

Mourning quote (if Muu dies): Muu-san… no… no, no, no… No!

Yuno:

Select quote: Yay~ I’m ready to go!

Crit quote: Let’s heat things up! / (I can also see her having silly-suggestive ones like Niles going,) Oh, yes~

Death quote: I didn’t think it’d be this cold… Will you stay with me, just a little longer?

Mourning quote: (To Mahiru) You shouldn’t have been here in the first place… I… think I understand now, Mahiru-san… I’m sorry it’s too late.

Fuuta:

(I should have expected video game guy to have all his cheesy one-liners ready for the picking…)

Select quote: Bring it On! / Assemble!

Crit quote: Don’t look down on me! / Can’t douse this fire! / *that deranged laugh from BoF*

Death quote: No! It wasn’t supposed to end like this! Please --!

Mourning quote (if Amane dies): Amane…? But… what about our promise?

Muu:

Select quote: Hmm, does Muu have to…?

Crit quote: Bow to your queen! / This will sting…

Death quote: How could you let this happen? I tried so hard for you... I just wanted you to smile…

Mourning quote (if Haruka dies): Please, don’t leave me Haruka-kun… *hic* not you too…

Shidou:

Select quote: I am at your service.

Crit quote: Your sacrifice is not in vain. / You understand, don’t you?

Death quote: At last, I shall see them again… I’ve waited so long…

Mourning quote (if Kazui dies): Kazui-san… my friend. Even if you never thought so, you will be missed.

Mahiru:

Select quote: You called? *giggles*

Crit quote: In the name of love~ / You’re breaking my heart!

Death quote: Don’t you worry about big sis Mahiru. I’m – I know you did your best… Don’t forget… I love you…

Mourning quote (if Yuno dies): Did you see that, Yuno-chan? … Y-yuno-chan?

Kazui:

Select quote: Let’s see if you kids can keep up!

Crit quote: And for my next trick–! / All smoke and mirrors…

Death quote: I’m sorry… I should have known I’d only disappoint everyone… again…

Mourning quote (if Shidou dies): Shidou-san… compared to someone like you, I’m just useless, so why…?

Misc: If doing low-health select quotes too, I’m thinking “let’s take a breather…”

Amane:

Select quote: We have work to do~

Crit quote: I disavow you! / This is for your own good!

Death quote: Was… was I a good girl? Was I enough? I’m… I’m so sorry…

Mourning quote (if Fuuta dies): If this was Fuuta-san’s destiny, then… then… I should be at peace… (< clearly not at peace)

Misc: She would have notably annoyed lines when her allies healed her.

Mikoto:

Select quote: I won’t let you down~

Crit quote: Watch out! / Home run!

Death quote: Why…? I did everything I could… was it still not enough? I don’t understand…

Mourning quote (if Kotoko dies): For someone so strong to fall… Kotoko-chan, you deserved better…

Misc: a dodge/taunt line along the lines of “it feels like someone’s watching out for me!”

John:

Select quote: I’ve got you, leave it to me.

Crit quote: Don’t touch me! / I’ll do anything…

Death quote (which doubles as a mourning quote ig): What have I done? Oh, Mikoto… I should have protected you. I’m so sorry…

Kotoko:

Select quote: Reporting for duty!

Crit quote: You’re just another weakling! / Your judgement awaits!

Death quote: No – I have a duty to fulfill, I can’t fail, now! …I-I can’t…

Mourning quote (if Es dies): Why didn’t you just leave it to me? Why? Es… I’m sorry…

Misc: I didn’t think it’d fit nicely in these, but maybe her victory quotes have fang references – “Don’t mess with the Warden’s Fang…”)

Es:

Select quote: *deep breath* Let us begin. / It is essential that I continue. / I must go on

Crit quote: Sing your sins! / I can’t forgive you!

Death quote: If this is the end… I’m just glad I had the chance to meet you, first…

Mourning quote (if anyone dies): This is all my fault… Can you ever forgive me?

[spoiledblogif]

I'm kinda surprised. Given what we know now about Carter, isn't he at all worried MC lives by themselves in the woods in a cabin?

I mean the MC can't consciously hide themselves. I'm pretty sure they attract/attracted a lot of supernatural phenomenon even before the story proper.

Unless Carter is so well known the locals (supernatural and curious humans) know well to stay clear.

I figure MC is generating a pretty high psychic output even subconsciously. But I guess because they are raw untrained talent, it's hard for others to measure exactly how powerful they are accurately.

It's a combination of things. To some degree, MC's powers not really being "shaped" does make them hard to gauge. Someone might be able to tell they're quite strong for a psychic, but it'd be like looking at a lake. You can't actually tell just how deep it is from the surface alone.

Also Carter's reputation IS such that supernaturals would give the town a pretty wide berth, even if they didn't really know exactly which human was Balor. It'd be a sort of "here there be dragons so just avoid it entirely" kind of thing.

But there are a handful of other things.

Magic is driven by intent. Even if someone doesn't know anything about magic, they're still capable of it if their intention is strong enough. This applies to everything. In the extended glossary, I gave the example that the idea of food "made with love" having a healing quality is actually a real thing, as long as the intent is strong enough. Even Casey naming Erebus was an act of magic strong enough to break them free of the Courts.

By the same token, Carter giving MC his name basically made MC something of an extension of him. Supernaturals attuned with magic would be aware of the connection and those that recognized Balor would recognize MC. Wolf was confident in interfering the way they did because they're meant to be very young by comparison and very jacked up on Seelie Court arrogance. They might get some warning vibes off Carter, but they wouldn't jump to "yeah that one must be Balor" until Carter showed the mark. (The tattoo itself has some magic attached to it to make it clear it's not just any rando wearing those marks, but it's not any more magic than any of the magical things Carter carries with him, like his hunting tools. So there's no way to know just by looking at him to go "oh that's the one with the magic mark, that must be Balor".)

(And if none of that makes sense, forgive me, I am very tired lol.)

[coldbronzemoon]

AUgust Day 14: Mystery Trio

Stan and Fiddleford should not have been allowed to meet.

Can be found on ao3.

Stanley and Fiddleford were the most absurd people in the universe, Stanford thought.

"What," he said, "am I looking at?"

His brother and his dearest friend grinned at him a little nervously, both crouched near a huge thing that was now taking up the half of the wall of one of his storage rooms. Usually Ford considered himself rather good at gauging the intended use of a machine, but that often went out the window when it came to Fiddleford's inventions. It looked sort of like a giant toaster laid on its side, but he couldn't be sure that was what it really was. Why would he make a giant toaster?

Whatever it was, it was Stanley's fault.

The thought was proven true as Stanley leaned on the machine with a jaunty sort of air, raising a hand in a flourish. "This, my dear Sixer, is a revolution in both washing machine and jukebox technology. It plays tunes while you wash and dry your clothes in the space of about two songs. I give you: the Laundry Symphonette!"

"That's an awful name," Ford deadpanned.

Fiddleford chimed in. "I still say we should call it the Spinnamajig."

"That's worse."

"See?" Stan said to Fiddleford, gesturing hudely, who huffed something about them having "no sense of fun."

Clearly the Laundry Symphonette vs the Spinnamajig had been a long, heated argument.

"Now I'd never consider myself someone who spits in the face of innovation and progress," Ford said. "But why on earth did you make this and why is it in my house?"

"Well," Stan said, still in selling mode. "I was over in the Broken Bone, having a drink and absolutely not getting into a fight after I hit on some bald dude's girl—" Huh, that was why Stan had mysteriously gained a very bruised face a week ago. Ford had been worried the Gnomes were sneaking into to hit them all with pine cones again. "—when I noticed how many of these dudes were walking around with a buncha alcohol and blood on their clothing because holy shit do those guys like punching each other. Seriously, I've been to a lot of dive bars and this is the worst, what's up with that? Anyway I was thinking about their clothes and looking at the jukebox—"

"And thought about making... this thing?" Ford guessed.

Stan snapped his fingers and pointed at Ford. Ford considered attempting to bite that finger like he used to do when they were kids. "Exactly, Sixer! Untapped market right here! If they're gonna spend a quarter on the jukebox to change a song, they may as well spend another to get their clothes washed so their missus stops asking questions like 'Why the hell are you covered in blood?' when they get home. Bam! They've got options. No more drunken staggering to the laundromat."

"I still think any woman who married the sort of gents that frequent the Broken Bone know who they're marrying," Fiddleford said.

"You'd be surprised," Stan said, and didn't elaborate on why he was so sure of that. "Anyway, we're gonna haul this bad boy over there and make some money."

Ford gave the Laundry Symphonette an appraising look. "And have you already pitched this to the bar and made sure they wanted this thing?"

Stan waved a careless hand. "Eh, didn't bother. Once they see this baby in action after my pitch they'll be on their hands and knees to get it."

"Well, if you're sure," Ford said. "And as long as it doesn't explode or turn evil, I don't really care."

"It won't do neither of those things," Fiddleford assured.

"Double negative. Should I be worried?"

Fiddleford flashed him the bird, saying cheerfully, "Go to hell!"

"I'll be going to my lab, actually," Ford said. "I've some new vomit from the barf fairies to analyze—I'm rather certain it would have healing properties if applied to a wound, isn't that fascinating?—so please don't interrupt me unless at least half of the town is on fire."

After allowing himself to snicker at Stan and Fiddleford's disgusted expressions at the bottle of vomit he pulled from his pocket, Ford left them with a wave. He really was quite interested in the properties of the vomit—he suspected their stomach acid specifically would have the healing properties. Only testing would confirm.

He put Stan's latest scheme out of his head.

With a reluctant groan, Ford stood up and snatched the phone on the desk from it's receiver. It was a relatively new addition to the lab, added on Stan's insistence that if he and Fiddleford where going to wile away in the lab, the should put a point of contact in there. Stan mostly used it to force them to come upstairs when he got take-out.

"Greetings, Stanford Pines here," he said, irritated.

"Thank fu—damn, you still say greetings? You nerd!" Stan said.

"Is this important?"

There was an alarming crashing sound in range of the phone, followed by quite a lot of cursing, some of it very Southern. It was accompanied by Beethoven's Moolight Sonata wafting through the air ominously. Stan let out an audible wince. "Uh. Maybe?"

Ford sighed. "Did the machine turn evil?"

"Define 'evil'," Stan said. The crashing grew louder. The music also grew louder.

"Stanley."

"It's not killing people!" he defended.

"Stanley."

"Moses, you're as bad as Ma. It mighta gone a biiiit evil. And is now, uh, tryin' to round up everyone nearby, strip 'em, and wash their clothes. So if you could just come by with Fiddlesticks' weird little death ray—"

"Not a death ray," Ford said automatically on Fiddleford's behalf.

"I see a weird sci-fi gun shooting lasers, I call it a death ray," he said.

Ford snorted. "Trust me, if Fiddleford made one of his death rays, that piddly little gun would be the last thing you'd think to connect to that term."

"Uh? Okay? Not touching that. Just bring the laser and laser this thing's face off, please. Ah, hell, it just got Fiddleford, hold on—"

The payphone Stan had been using was dropped carelessly, clanging against the pole holding the payphone box up. Ford set his down on the cradle, sighing and trying to think of where on earth Fiddleford had put the improved heat gun. The sooner he got there, the less likely it'd be for Stan to get banned from every bar in the small town and spend weeks complaning about it.

He needed to put a ban on Fiddleford going along with Stan's money-making ideas. This was the third evil robot in the last two months.

[femnoah]

Once again, another fem!Noah au

Okay, so, this is an idea I've actually had since almost the beginning, I had actually started writing it as a one shot romance ad first but then the idea kind of evolved so...

Basically, I saw all those posts/fics about the Alenoah assistant Noah looking after drama machine Alejandro so I was like, why not take it a step further and add a twist to it- a supernatural/mythological one. And more of Chris being his usual asshole self.

Then I also thought about how funny it would be if Neha/Noah not only had to look after the drama machine, but also a feral Ezekiel. Hence the idea evolving.

Now then, way back in world tour, only three people were originally aware of the existence of supernatural entities: Chris, Neha, and Alejandro. So no one else in the cast is aware or becomes aware. Except for Zeke. Though I am in split minds about Chef.

Ezekiel

In London, when Owen threw the corgis at him he got bit by one. As it turns out, that one wasn't actually a real corgi but a feral werewolf.

Now, werewolves do typically take the form of wolves, but like how some wolves were adapted into dogs, so were some werewolves.

Usually, the werewolf would undergo the transformation outside under the full moon. However, in Ezekiel's case, he was trapped in the cargo hold the entire time, not being able to transform properly. So his wolf brain is trapped in his human body.

Like in canon, feral Zeke does NOT like Chris one bit. He's also really snappy with the interns so Chris just decides to hand him off to Neha to deal with and 'train'.

Alejandro

He's from a family of sirens (it'd be genuinely funny if he was part eel or even better, a completely different type of fish and was offended by being compared to an eel of all things), hence the allure and inhuman capabilities.

So when he gets trampled on and burned by lava, he is still alive but severely wounded. He definitely feels petty towards everyone involved. Heather, Chris, the interns, some of the cast members he can remember.

To avoid lawsuits Chris just shoves him in the drama machine to survive. Obviously, the treatment is inhumane as he's essentially stuck in a small container for months on end. Neha also ends up in charge of maintenance for 'the robot'.

The worst part about it is that he has accelerated healing in the presence of saltwater and is suffering just by the lack of it. His limbs are basically paralysed and there's not much he can physically do.

Neha

She's a selkie. Now, a whole part of the folklore around selkies is beautiful women captivating men who then steal their pelts to force them to marry them (a selkie's pelt is essentially a part of their soul, to control the pelt is to control the selkie's soul and what they can and can't do). That's the reason she dresses up as 'Noah'. To try and hinder the 'allure' (which she despises) and to distance the idea of stealing her pelt. Mainly cause if anyone discovers 'Noah' is a selkie well..... male selkies have a different reputation attached to them.

Of course, this does not work out for her at all. After her elimination in island, Chris somehow gets his hands on her pelt. But instead of the whole marriage thing, he realises that it's a selkie's coat and immediately thinks- free labour.

A worker he doesn't have to pay, doesn't need to lock in a contract, can be the perfect employee and can't physically disobey him? It's so efficient!

Of course, he orders her to not look for her pelt, be quiet about the whole thing and limits what she can do to help the other two.... So she just becomes sneaky about it.

Plot

Basically they're working towards four main goals before All Stars starts up.

Helping Zeke with his werewolfness- getting him to transform, bringing his human mind back to the forefront and teaching him balance between the two.

Getting Alejandro healed up- finding access to saltwater, an appropriate diet and planning ways to get him moving all while not being able to get him out of the machine.

Finding Neha's pelt- since she can't look for it on her own. She can't even tell them about it outright, it takes a lot of not-so-subtle-hints until Alejandro catches on to what she's getting at.

Escaping before Chris finds out- made much harder by the fact that all three of them are limited in what they can currently do.

Of course, it's an Alenoah au.

[reveriedraffs]

New sub ˖ ׁ ¹🐇 ⸒࣪

“ I am god. ! ”

౨ৎ ִ : so, the sub is about being able to manifest instantly by affirming once and it includes subconscious affirmations and even self concept one along with heavily charged energies like solar plexus, theta waves, 538hz and 963hz. So I am thinking of experimenting before i upload it on yt.

۶ৎ benefits ⭑.ᐟ

۶ৎ You are a master manifestor and can manifest anything you desire instantly, effortlessly, and easily.

۶ৎ Whenever you affirm for any desire, you get it instantly.

۶ৎ you only ever manifest instantly, no matter how impossible it looks.

۶ৎ you manifest quickly, instantly, fast, and in seconds, to the point you don't need to affirm twice for your desire.

۶ৎ only affirming once, you can get your desire instantly, because your mind is too powerful and your subconscious easily impressionable.

۶ৎ You have changed people's lives just by affirming once. You never doubt your abilities even for a second, because you can easily live in the end, and you know that you can manifest fast.

۶ৎ you know that you are the creator of your reality, and you see the evidence of it when you manifest fast.

۶ৎ your subconscious responds immediately to new, positive affirmations, your desires show up so instantly and quickly, that is inhuman speed.

۶ৎ You have full control over your reality, you have full control of everyone, you have full control over everything, you are the god, you create everything, and therefore your self-concept is perfect.

۶ৎ You never waver from your desires, you trust yourself fully, so there's no place for any doubts.

۶ৎ the moments you think about manifesting your desires, no negative thoughts ever enter your mind as your mind is too powerful and positive, and it knows that you manifest instantly, easily, and effortlessly.

۶ৎ your life is perfect.

۶ৎ why this subliminal is powerfull⭑.ᐟ

I've combined specific brainwave states + solfeggio healing frequencies that directly influence the subconscious, energy centers, and intuitive perception. Here’s what’s going on:

1. Solar Plexus Activation

۶ৎ The Solar Plexus Chakra (Manipura) is linked to personal power, confidence, self-belief, and manifestation drive.

۶ৎ When this is stimulated, you feel more decisive, in control, and able to take action without overthinking.

۶ৎ In manifestation work, it reinforces that you are the creator of your reality.

2. Theta Waves (4–8 Hz)

۶ৎ Theta brainwaves are the “doorway” to the subconscious.

۶ৎ They’re present during deep meditation, hypnosis, and that dreamy state between awake and asleep.

۶ৎ Perfect for subliminals because your logical mind takes a backseat, letting affirmations slip directly into your subconscious without resistance.

3. 528 Hz (The “Miracle” Frequency)

۶ৎ Known as the “Love” or “DNA Repair” frequency in Solfeggio tones.

۶ৎ Said to restore balance, attract love, heal emotional blocks, and raise vibrational alignment for desires.

۶ৎ Often used for rapid manifestation because it puts you in a high-energy, heart-centered state.

4. 963 Hz (Pineal Gland / Crown Chakra Activation)

۶ৎ Associated with spiritual awakening, oneness, and connection to higher consciousness.

۶ৎ Stimulates the pineal gland (“third eye”) and deepens intuition — which explains the strong pull you felt in your third eye and that fizzing sensation on the left side of your brain.

۶ৎ Opens the mind to higher guidance and synchronicities, making manifestations feel almost “magically orchestrated.”

How Powerful Is It?

۶ৎ I've basically combined:

Mind access (Theta)

Personal power & action drive (Solar Plexus)

Heart & vibrational alignment (528 Hz)

Spiritual connection & intuition (963 Hz)

That means I am targeting all three layers of manifestation: subconscious programming, emotional frequency, and intuitive alignment. That’s why it feels so intense, your mind, body, and spirit are all being engaged at once.

So tag me when you get the results!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

⤹ ۶ৎ the audio

[perpetualcynicism]

…Introducing: Oral Brainstorming Event!

How it works:

The requester chooses a variety of story elements from a list (provided below) to form a prompt, and I reply by brainstorming for these prompts in real time via voice recording before writing a short excerpt of what I imagine a scene in that fic would look like. (A warning: I will lose my train of thought halfway through a sentence, get sidetracked, make bad jokes, and repeat myself a lot throughout.) To be clear, the fics planned for will be x reader.

… … … … … …

Prompts lists:

In your request, you must choose:

One character from the following: • Heizou • Xiao • Albedo • Chiori • Lyney • Dan Heng • Jing Yuan • Boothill • Anaxa • Getian • 6 1-2 story themes: • Time and/ or mortality • Forgiveness • Revenge • Grief • Loss and/ or death • Self-worth • Isolation • Understanding • Communication • Memory • Redemption • Identity • Trust and/ or betrayal • Justice • Sacrifice • Repression • Hope • Cycles • Deception and/ or artificiality • Performance • Divinity • Societal judgement • Conflict • Honour • Sacrifice • Freedom • Healing • Obsession and/ or control • Reflections and/ or parallels • Or, come up with your own along similar lines!

In your request, you may choose ONE option from up to THREE of the following categories:

AU: • Historical • Modern • Supernatural • Mythological/ fairytale • Another existing piece of media (e.g. a book, a film) • Suggest your own idea! • Or, you can mention you’d like an AU but give me free rein for what to choose. Symbolism, imagery, refrains: • Broken glass • Scars • Wheels • Colours (or you can specify a colour) • Smoke • Sunlight • Worn gloves • Ocean • Birdsong • A watch • Ink • Music • The edge of a blade • Chains • Mask/ face paint/ costume • An arrow • A hearth • A particular location (specify in ask) • Seasons (or you can specify a season) • Corners • Bells/ a bell tower • A particular animal (specify in ask) • Blindfold • Scales • Mirrors • Roots/ plants • Bones • Flight/ wings • Cage • Sight • Lock and/ or key • Butterfly and/ or cocoon • Suggest your own! Hypothetical length: • Drabble (under 1k words) • Short length (~1-4k words) • Medium length (~5-10k words) • Long (11k+ words)

… … … … … …

Example asks:

Hi! Could I please get Dan Heng with the themes of isolation and freedom, and the imagery of ink? For the event, I’d like to request: Xiao as the character, redemption as the theme, modern AU, medium-length fic. Thanks! Hello! For your event I was thinking Anaxa and grief, plus the imagery of mirrors!

Disclaimer: I might not answer every request depending on how many I receive and how motivated I am by the mix of prompts, but I’ll try my best to get through as many as possible.

[droplct]

● — || 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃 , holding it like it was the most valuable thing on [ [ earth ] ] . She watched his fingers , and how they felt in her hands. Despite everything she knew he had been through , his hands were surprisingly soft . They weren't as calloused as Sokka's from years of hardship , or as light as Aang's . . . Or , as scarred as her own . They were tender , from the years he spent in this world carving a path of his own . She played with his fingers mindlessly as she knelt by his bedside on her knees . Her left arm folded across the edge of the bed , while her right hand remained locked around his own .

Everything he said told her that he had thought every detail through with care . He loved her , more than the moon loved the sea , or the stars loved the moon . He remembered her preference for fruits , and how tropical ones always made her toes curl with delight . He remembered how much she liked being warm , and how it brought her this feeling of sanctuary because it was what Sokka always did when she felt scared or alone after a nightmare . He made sure that her bed was [ [ near ] ] his , because he knew that if he stopped breathing for a second . she'd be right by his side to heal him . He made sure [ [ everything ] ] was perfect , without her telling him what she needed . He just [ [ knew ] ] . She hadn't felt this cared about in a long , long time .

❝ I - . . . I am a little surprised they let you bring it this close . ❞ She didn't say why . She figured he could fill in the blankets , ❝ But I like it . ❞ Her smile was small , but it reflected the one that she saw tug at the corner of his lips . Her chin rested on her arm , while her thumb traced over the back of his . ❝ I told you I was going to stay , Zuko , ❞ She felt her heart pang in her chest as she looked at their hands , letting out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding , ❝ No matter what happens . . . I'll always be here . ❞

When his final words came to ears , Katara lifted her head from the edge of the mattress just in time to see rest [ [ finally ] ] wash over him . There was something about his words in particular that made her heart feel a peace that she hadn't felt in a long , long time . She let them linger in the air for a moment , her frame sinking back onto her heels while her hand remained in his .

❝ It feels good to be home , Zuko . ❞ She looked over her shoulder at the moon , and how it had lowered in the sky over the past few hours before she looked back at Zuko's sleeping form . In silence , she watched him sleep . Every now and again , Katara's eyes drifted to his chest , where she watched the steady rise and fall from every shallow breath he took . He was alive . [ [ She ] ] had brought him back from the brink of death so that she could have one more night with him -- so they all could . Now , here they were . The two of them alone , making promises of a future they barely knew existed , while the moon prayed for their sanctum .

❝ Goodnight . ❞

Her eyes broke from his face down to their hands for a moment before she slid her own from his grasp and into her lap . She still hadn't thought about how she was going to tell Sokka that her plans had changed . . . All because she loved a boy . Here she was , saying that the [ [ Fire Nation ] ] was home . When her [ [ real ] ] home was thousands of miles away . Her real home , was ice caps , and parkas , snowball fights , and finishing in frigid waters . Her home wasn't heated summer nights , and ice cream by the beach , or harsh glares from the shadows . . . But , all of it could be . Zuko made her feel like she was falling in love in the middle of summer , and like he was something sweet on a hot beach day . He made every harsh glare become pleasant , and every bitter whisper feel nonexistent . He had that ability , and she'd only just gotten to scratch the surface of the man underneath . If he did that [ [ now ] ] , she could only imagine what they would be like when they really go to explore what the other had to offer .

Yet , that still meant staying in a place she wasn't wanted . . . Was she ready for that ? [ [ Truly ] ] ready for that ? Her gaze fell to her hands , then down at the bowl of mango slices . As she situated herself on her makeshift bed , Katara dragged her knees to her chest . Solemn eyes looked down at the bowl she had pulled into her lap . She wouldn't sleep , she couldn't . . . There were too many things [ [ plaguing ] ] her mind , but , she would at least eat . Plus , if Zuko needed her . . . She couldn't save a life in her sleep .

In silence , she picked at her mango slices as she looked up at the moon . Deciding on if she should keep her promise and stay with Zuko , or if she was needed elsewhere more . If she left , she wouldn't be able to focus . Her heart would be here , while her mind was elsewhere . It would be no time at all before her mind joined her heart , tracing their way back to those honey - crisp eyes , and heartfelt smile . She had time to think , but . . . time was running out . Did she stay , and risk putting off even [ [ more ] ] time with her Dad , or did she go , and break Zuko's heart and hers because she chose family first ?

Hours ticked on , slow and steady , while she watched the moon lower further and further into the sky . Every time she heard Zuko's breathing change , Katara rushed to her knees to check if he was still with her . Hands pressed to the side of the bed , a silent gasp of [ [ panic ] ] , and the way she grabbed his wrist to make sure there was still a pulse present . After a few minutes , she'd sink back into a sitting position on her bed , only to do it all over again an hour later .

Come morning light , Katara had let sleep win her over . She slept sitting up on her knees , with her head against the side of his mattress , and her arm as her pillow. The bowl of mangos lay empty next to the folded blanket on her little bed . Meanwhile , her hand was curled around his as she let the sound of him breathing lull her to a long awaited good night's rest .

Zuko stirred at the sound of her voice —quiet as it was, it reached somewhere deep in his mind, even through the haze of half-sleep. His eyes fluttered open slowly, heavy from the dose of laudanum and exhaustion, but the moment he saw her, he felt lighter.

She came back.

Still propped slightly against the pillows, Zuko turned his head just enough to follow her with his gaze. He didn’t speak at first. He just watched her; watched the way she moved through his room like she belonged there, like she had always been meant to fill the empty corners of his life with the soft presence she carried.

When she noticed the bed and whispered her thanks, a small smile tugged at the edge of his lips. He swallowed, his voice rough and gravely.

“…Of course I remembered,” he murmured. His eyes flicked toward the mattress beside his bed, the folded blanket, the fruit. “I wanted it to feel like home.” He shifted slightly, a wince flickering through his expression as a muscle pulled wrong, but he didn’t complain. “You don’t owe me thanks, Katara. I meant it when I said I want this. I want you here.” His voice dropped, soft like the low crackle of the hearth, but no less sincere. “And I don’t want you to sleep far away. That’s as close as they’d let me have it brought. I told them… you’d need comfort too.”

His fingers brushed the edge of his blanket, like he was searching for the shape of her hand even now. “I don’t need anything else.” He exhaled slowly, the pull of rest tugging at him again, his body ready to drag him under. But now he had her nearby. Now, he could sleep without fear. Zuko let his eyes close again, murmuring, “Goodnight, Katara… Welcome home.”

[soft-pine]

this is some really personal shit that has to do with how i analyze and interpret john.

when i was a child, my father dragged me around the country from motel to motel talking about how he lost my mother and his single-minded focus on getting her back. i was his best friend. i was his only confidant. i wanted him to be happy all the time. i felt responsible for when he was sad - both with whatever the current situation was and in all the sad moments of his long sad life. when i wasn't with him, sometimes he would go for weeks without calling and i would miss him and think i did something wrong and then sometimes he would tell me what that wrong thing was and i would try to do better. i sat patiently and quietly on the couch in his strange friend's dark house filled with fishing gear while they talked and talked and talked about the ways the world had screwed them over. i never knew where we were driving to. sometimes i would sleep in the car for hours and we still hadn't gotten there. he wanted me to show him a terrifying and confounding amount of respect. he would cry and i would kneel on the couch next to him and try to envelope his whole body into my arms in a hug. i loved him ferociously and protectively. he wanted my singular loyalty and got it. it's so hard to even summarize it all. each moment is just so full of ...

he hurt my feelings and i loved him. i got mad at him and i loved him. he got mad at me and i loved him. i felt deeply sorry for him and i loved him.

and when i watched supernatural oh boy let me tell you.....

and i know it's not chic or whatever to compare john to your dad. I KNOW THAT. but not to garishly bear my open bloody heart on the internet. it's just. i watched this fucking show and i was like... i know him. like. i know that man.

and i'm kinda screwed because we all are analyzing things from our own experiences so when i'm interpreting all the little clues left about john throughout the show, it all feels so familiar. and i don't actually have a way to separate my experience as a child with that kind of father from the way i'm analyzing and watching spn. and so i'm stuck saying, well john just is really similar to my dad. and, yeah, of course there are differences. but i guess all i can do is commit to bringing as much nuance and care to any and all creative endeavors or analysis as half a lifetime of therapy has taught me...

[son-of-avraham]

I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.

This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.

This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.

But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.

I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.

I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.

I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.

I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.