#what he did was irredeemable but he was still one of them

[otp-after-dark]

I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that they’re still trying to gaslight us about Nick Blaine, or that maybe… they actually believe this crap.

I just read this ELLE piece declaring that Nick’s betrayal in Season 6 “proves” men will always choose power over love, and that his confession—about trading June’s plan to protect himself—was the ultimate confirmation that he’s no different from the rest of them. On the surface, the episode wants you to see it that way. The writers clearly want the audience to feel the gut-punch of betrayal. To close the door on Nick Blaine as the last “good guy” in Gilead.

But the thing is—it’s how blatantly the show rewrites its own history to sell us on this “lesson.” How do these fools not see that?! And proceed to continue to sell this complete and utter crap.

Because if you’ve actually watched the show—if you’ve sat through six seasons of this man quietly, consistently risking himself for June—it doesn’t add up. This whole storyline is wildly out of character. It isn’t earned. It doesn’t track emotionally. It doesn’t even make logistical sense given what we know about Nick and where he’s been leading up to this moment.

And let’s not pretend June doesn’t play a role in all of this either. Can someone please acknowledge that? Ugh. She’s not some innocent, passive victim of Nick’s choices—she’s part of this dynamic. She knows who he is. She’s made her own compromises. She’s lied, killed, manipulated people too. She understands him. That’s why their connection has always worked—it was never built on fantasy. It was built on recognition. And the audience knows that.

And oh yeah—let’s not forget in the end, he chooses her. He gives up his marriage. He walks away from the carefully constructed life he built to stay close to her. His last act is loving her, choosing her, and letting her go because he thinks it’s what she wants. So… what are these people watching, exactly?

You can’t spend seasons showing us a man who helped orchestrate Fred’s murder, who saved June over and over, who stayed in Gilead specifically to keep protecting her from the inside—and then suddenly flip the switch and say, “Actually, he just did it for himself.” That’s not a twist. That’s a rewrite. And it’s a lazy one.

You want to talk about tragic? How about a man who was trafficked into war as a teenager, weaponized by Gilead, radicalized by Lawrence, and then trapped in a cycle where every choice he made was a lesser evil. And still—still—he found a way to protect June. Still, he held on to love. Still, he looked at her and said, “It’s always been you."

What this article calls betrayal, I call exhaustion. A man pushed to the brink, cornered by a regime he’s been trying to escape for years, reaching for the only leverage he has left. And even then, he tries to explain it to June. He tells her he loves her and chooses her. He begs her not to look at him like that. To open her eyes and face it.

But sure. Let’s flatten all of that into “men will always choose power.” Let’s ignore six seasons of emotional complexity because the show suddenly decided it was time to close the door on him. Let’s pretend June didn’t see herself in Nick’s compromises, or that she didn’t understand them because she’s made them too.

Here’s the truth: this isn’t a story about men being irredeemable. It’s about writers who no longer understood the story they were telling—and needed Nick to fall in order to prop up the version of June they chose to end with.

Nick didn’t betray June. The show betrayed Nick (and by extension, June). And it betrayed us for ever believing they’d honor the soul of this character instead of using him as a scapegoat to make June’s “freedom” look clean.

So no, I don’t buy it. I never will. And I’m not clapping. And I’m definitely not rewriting history just to fit the finale’s hollow, cynical message.

[maryfromwork]

Nobody understands Peter Pettigrew like I do

[oh-no-its-bird]

World's worst, most messy naruto time travel au EVER. Where a bunch of people from slightly different dimensions try to time travel to fix their bad endings.

But they all got dumped into their alternate bodies of the past of another slightly different dimension. And they all keep tripping over eachother.

So like. You have Sakura (from the dimension where there was no Kaguya/black zetsu, and Madara + Obito are the final villains)

Tripping over ANBU Sasuke (from a no Uchiha massacre/less bad Uchiha massacre universe where he never left the village and is filled to the brim with the will of fire)

Running into Naruto (from one of those evil konoha universes where the abuse aimed towards him was 100 times worse) who is absoloutley tweaking out in the corner, unsure and unable to comprehend what is (from his perspective) such a good world

Then theyre getting fucking tackled by Obito (from a roll swap dimension where he was team 7's sensei and Kakashi took his place in Akatsuki)

Meanwhile Kakashi from the 'team ro defects from Konoha' au is suddenly a jonin again and debating the merits of just sabotaging Konoha from the inside out

Then you also have Kurama, the only one of them to have gotten their own own new body instead of being dumped into the body of their alt version there (coming from a canon-similar world where Naruto sacrifices himself to give Kurama a body and send him back in time, a-la on the other side, by WideEyedDemon)

While in the distance, Gaara (from a dimension where Suna won the fight against Konoha and team 7 went on the run after the leaf was destroyed) tries to very hard to sabotage the attack he believes will prevail, in order to fulfill his promise to team 7 from that other universe bc they got to be friends

But he's being blocked around every corner by Kankuro and Temari, who came back together from a universe where Gaara was straight up an irredeemable monster who destroyed all of Suna

But also fucking semi-canon accurate housewife Orochimaru from Boruto is like. Around. Just absoloutley fucking it up in his milf era, giving no shits whatsoever. The alien tree people or whatever the hell is going on in boruto ate his world so he has his eyes on the sky.

^ so like. All of that and it just keeps going. U can throw in whoever from wherever, these are just starting points

(The only rule is Jiriya and Tsunade aren't time travelers bc I want them to see milf Orochimaru and scream in terror)

And the whole thing is that very few of them actually share the same bad end, and it's very unclear what the true bad ending of their current world is— bc to be clear, the dimension they ended up does not line up 100% with any one of the newcomers.

(Their current dimension is actually just canon, to be clear. Or at least incredibly canon-ish)

So they're just fucking tripping over eachother right and left, trying to prevent things that may or may not happen (bc some of their bad ends ARE still possible!!)

The inter character relationships would go so insane too. Bc like all of team 7 has been shaken to its core, pretty much.

Naruto wants to burn Konoha to the ground and Sasuke thinks it is hashtag worth fighting for.

Sakura is dealing from the whiplash of ehats basically a sasuke/naruto roleswap, and also thinks Obito is the irredeemable root of all evil.

Meanwhile, Obito is crying bc his kids don't recognize him

Obito, seeing his students so changed and then noting that Kakashi is so chill, gets his hopes up that maybe this is a loyal Konoha Kakashi...

But NOPE he's not, he's fully checked out of Konoha and has attachments to like. Team ro + Sasuke.

Tho he'd also be super fucked up to see Obito too, it must be said

Then Kakashi originally defected from Konoha in his universe bc Orochimaru told him ab the "truth" of his fathers suicide (and then he walked in on Danzo trying to kill Shisui lmao) And actually did join Orochimaru in sound afterwords, so.

Kakashi is rocking up to sound trying to confirm if shits similar in this universe and Orochimaru is going "a free copy cat Kakashi?? Don't mind if I do <3" and offering him a room there (which he might just accept)

Kakashi spying for Orochimaru....

The sand sibs are also having THE worst time ever. Gaara is trying so hard to be good and show he's changed but Temari and Kankuro are even more convinced of his irredeemable evil soul or whatever than they were in canon. They saw him rip Suna apart !!!

Gaara is also SO stressed about the chunin exam attack (fast approaching) bc hes convinced it will prevail and his future friends will be rendered homeless and hunted for sport again

Meanwhile also: Orochimaru totally fucking forgot about that and isn't. Actually interested anymore. So.

I have more thoughts but, like usual, I fucking clicked post too soon (these last bits are edits, oops) so I'll leave it here for now before someone reblogs the incomplete version

[fandomluver-101]

Talking with friends has made me realize something. I'm likely one of a small few that never liked Caitlyn way back in season 1. The moment she told Ekko "it's a misunderstanding," I hated her. Telling him he was wrong about how the Enforcers treat the people of the Undercity, how they're in Silco's control as well?

There is no defense for such naivety, not when she's ventured into the Undercity and seen what the place looks like, seen a glimpse of their suffering. "This city needs healing," but she had no issue POISONING the city because one person killed her mother. Caitlyn took her mother's work and used it for PURE EVIL. She proved exactly why Piltovans are irredeemable to me.

All of Piltover's progress is built on the lives of Zaunites, their castle is held aloft by corpses. Caitlyn's privileged lifestyle was only possible because of that and the moment she has an excuse, she adds to the pile of corpses with not a HINT of genuine remorse.

But oh, feel bad for her because she was betrayed (after SHE betrayed, abused, used, and discarded someone else)? Have her saved by the very people she saw no issuing brutalizing, poisoning, and oppressing when it suited her mood? Act as if this is a GOOD and TRIUMPHANT thing!?

The writers' idea that Piltover and Zaun are both wrong and set aside their differences against Noxus pisses me off the most. Please note that at this point, Zaun is not ZAUN - they are still Piltover's "undercity." They struggle to breath because of Piltover, they die enmass from lack of basic necessities because of Piltover, they are wrongly incarcerated because of Piltover.

Piltover has always been the wrong party, the bad and morally bankrupt side - even compared to SILCO of all people (in my opinion), Piltover is just the worst and nothing can redeem the. That badass entrance of Jinx and the Zaunites SHOULD have been them decimating BOTH Piltovan and Noxian forces without discrimination. It's literally what Piltover deserves for their actions!

As I told my friends, Zaun literally has NOTHING to lose and EVERYTHING to gain war. Freedom does not come without a war, a fight, a bomb killing the council and a terrorist killing the faces of their oppression (Enforcers). Jinx becomes a symbol of revolution BECAUSE of this. We as viewers love her BECAUSE of this (and her being a complex and sympathetic character in general).

Piltover had everything to LOSE if Zaun was independent, that's literally why they snuffed out any rebellions and have Enforcers to begin with! There is no misunderstanding, there is no moral ambiguity, there is one side in the right and one side in the wrong. And Caitlyn, to me, is the embodiment of that WRONG - she claims to want the best for Zaun until it doesn't go her way and now she will enforce her will and wants on them because she CAN.

She doesn't deserve to be portrayed sympathetically and Piltover did not deserve to be saved.

[qdbs-writes]

How do you think the Cullens would act around a disinterested crush? Maybe they're fated but reader isn't having it lol

(I love your twilight writing btw thank God someone is still doing it 🤤🤤)

ah it has been many moons since I've gotten a twilight request yay!

Cullen Clan Reacting To Their Crush Being Disinterested In Them

Carlisle Cullen

Being alive for just over 400 years tends to give one a good perspective on life and the bigger picture, and Carlisle sure has a pretty good idea of how all things pan out. So you're not interested in him? That's fine, Carlisle can wait for as long as you need to change your mind.

In the meantime, Carlisle will continue to maintain your friendship and continue to show just how hard he's worked to become the kind caring father figure he is. He knows you'll fall for him, eventually.

Esme Cullen

Obviously, she's not going to stop caring about you just because you don't return her feelings. But she might switch up how she shows her affection.

Rather than flirty winks and suspiciously candle-lit wine tastings, she'll back up to more traditionally motherly affections. Making sure you're eating right, baking cookies, etc. And of course, giving you homemade soup when you're sick is still one of her favourite things to do, no need to stop now.

Edward Cullen

Of course, you're not interested, how could anyone love a monster like him? Who did he think he was, thinking he was worthy of your love? Or so his inner monologue goes.

But it's really not that dramatic, it almost never is, Edward just sprung his crush on you suddenly and it caught you off guard. It was largely the excessively long preamble about how he was an irredeemable murderer that put you off first, but of course, he won't realise that until considerably later.

Rosalie Hale

She's a little relieved actually. All her mortal and immortal life, Rosalie has been aggressively pursued by people she wasn't particularly interested in, so the fact that she can crush on someone who isn't really that interested is a wonderful change of pace.

For the first time ever, Rosalie has butterflies in her stomach, she fumbles with her words when she speaks to you, and she feels like a silly, mortal teenage girl again, begging her mother to let her go to the dance just so she can sneak away to catch a glimpse of someone just like you.

Emmett Cullen

You and Emmett had been good friends for a while so when he casually drops a blissful "We should get married" into the conversation, you initially choke on your drink in laughter.

Emmett's a little heartbroken that you'd laugh at something like that, considering that he was being 100% serious. But since you've known him, the both of you have been constantly cracking up jokes, trying to get on each other's nerves, so no wonder you thought this was another one of his pranks. He decides to take this reaction as a blessing, you have no idea he's actually into you, now he knows he has to work out a different way to confess his feelings for you.

Alice Cullen

She's a little confused obviously, having multiple visions of the two of you in a romantic relationship kind of gave her the impression that it might've been going to come true, but your disinterest says something else altogether.

But the worst part is that those damn visions of you and her together keep coming back, taunting her, luring her in deeper to despair with the thoughts of what might be. It's all getting so intense, so she decides to skip town for a bit, see if that changes anything, or at least helps her clear her head.

Jasper Hale

Oh well, so you're not interested in a romantic relationship, so what? Doesn't mean you can't still be friends. Doesn't mean he can't be the charming Southern gentleman he is. Doesn't mean he can't still pull out chairs or open doors for you. Or send anonymous bouquets to your house. Or leave your favourite snacks in your locker when you're having a rough day. Of course not.

It doesn't mean he can't worry about other people who might want to date you. Doesn't mean he can't scare off people who'd be bad for you. I mean, what else are friends for?

[about-faces]

Saw a post from a Nightwing fan that was like “oh my god there’s someone out there who seriously would like to see Two-Face in the BatFam, WTF?! After what he did to Dick?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

….

…

… Anyway, here’s why I think Harvey Dent should be in the BatFam.

For starters, I think it would be a wonderful way to incorporate Bruce’s long-standing love for Harvey in a situation where he gets to interact with a variety of young people who either have personal beefs with Harvey and/or have little sympathy/reason to care about him. We’ve already seen the potential of Harvey and Jason interacting and how fantastic that was for both characters.

I want to see Harvey (specifically a Harvey whose good side gets to be present and distinct, if not in complete control for the time being) interact with Dick, who hates him and—like some of his fans—completely disregards Harvey’s history of mental illness and internal struggles to overcome Scarvey. Extra points if they incorporate the Robin: Year One origin with Dick being beaten by Two-Face (which is not currently canon, btw), something that Harvey would never have done if he was in his right mind or even in control at the time. He was subsumed by his worst side to the point that Two-Face outright genuinely considered Harvey “dead,” but Dick neither knows nor cares about that, and I’d like to see that explored outside of a typical hero/villain environment.

I want to see Harvey interact with Damian and Cass, who each might have his own opinions about Bruce’s ongoing belief in someone’s inherent goodness, heroism, and worth, no matter how much blood is on one’s hands or how they were raised.

I want to see Cass and Steph both reckon with Harvey’s own history of abuse at a father’s hands, and how one tries to struggle against the cycles of violence. Is Harvey a victim of how he was raised, or is he a monster for not overcoming his trauma like they did? I want know if the compassion Cass extended to Clayface could also apply to Harvey. I want to know if either woman would have any empathy for Harvey, or condemn him as being reprehensible and irredeemable.

I want Babs to have a backstory where she, as a kid, knew and liked Harvey, and the two bonded over having alcoholic fathers, something which no one can understand if they haven’t experienced it.

I want to see if Duke has any feelings about a once-good man who was transformed into something he does not want to be, much in the way his own parents were victims of Gotham’s monsters.

I want Tim to better understand Harvey’s psyche, to see if he still thinks that Harvey is someone who “chooses” to become Two-Face again after every redemption attempt.

I want more interactions between Harvey and Jason, acknowledging them as twin symbols of Bruce’s failure who both became murderous mob bosses. How many orphans has Jason created? Why is Jason welcomed back in but not Harvey? Is it because Harvey nearly beat a Robin to death, just like Damian did with Tim? Is it okay to excuse/forgive a brainwashed child but not a severely mentally ill adult who had no control over his worst side? Why or why not?

I want to know which BatFam members would even notice all the ways that Bruce and Harvey are so similar, mirrors to each other with Harvey being the one who lost everything, including his own identity and sanity. I want to know what their takeaways would be, or if they’d even care. I want to know if any of them would realize that Bruce could easily fall like Harvey without the love and support they provide as a family, which Harvey lacks?

Remember A Lonely Place of Dying? Harvey without Gilda and Batman without Robin, both evenly matched in a mutually-suicidal death spiral, broken only when Tim emerged in Bruce’s life? Would Tim draw those parallels? Would any of them? Would it even matter?

Because not all of the BatFam can or should have empathy for Harvey. No family, not even the BatFam, should end every disagreement with Full-House-style hugs and apologies. Sometimes you just hate or don’t even care about other family members, and that’s fine! But I still want to see those relationships explored and hashed out within the context of family.

On top of it all, I want some acknowledgement that Harvey was Bruce’s first and only ally back in Batman: Year One before Gordon came around to Bruce’s side. That Harvey was the ONLY person in Gotham trying to fight against the forces of the mob and cops alike before Bruce returned and Jim rolled into town. That he, as Batman’s ally and the youngest DA in Gotham history, was the original Boy Wonder of Gotham City. That Bruce’s failure to save Harvey has hung over each and every one of his relationships and connections in the BatFam.

Finally, I want to see Harvey in the BatFam because I want to know that, no matter what you’ve done or become, there will still be some people out there who are holding out for you to come back. That you may not be forgiven by all or even most of them, but you’re still worthy of love. And even if/when Harvey loses his battle with himself again, I want some of the BatFam to react with sympathy, some having changed their perceptions about the man they only knew as Two-Face. That maybe, occasionally, the criminals they fight aren’t monsters but just broken people, lost to some combination of circumstance, upbringing, mental illness, and personal choices. I want to see them reckon with that. I think that would be important.

And okay yeah sure I’d also like to see Harvey take them all out for pizza and games at Chuck E Cheese’s or something like that. I just think that’d be neat.

Anyway. I hope that all makes more sense now for anyone still wondering. I’ll finish up with proof that Harvey being in the BatFam has actually been touched on in comics, from the gatefold cover of Hush (that’s Harvey, not Hush, with the bandages), DC Future State, and DC Bombsells.

So there’s a fuzzy sort of precedent for Harvey fitting in with the BatFam. I just hope someone at DC will eventually share my vision, even if some BatFam fans never will.

[ourseasone]

CHAPTER 001 ∘ ∘ ∘ for fuck's sake

previous masterlist next

fucking stupid.

as soon as you open your eyes and take in your surroundings, the realization hits you like a ton of bricks: you've been utterly, irredeemably stupid.

the place you're in is unfamiliar and unnerving. a dull ache pulses in your temples, but it's not nearly enough to distract you from the bitter storm of self-recrimination swirling in your head. did you really hand yourself over to potential kidnappers like some naive idiot from a bad thriller movie? as you mentally replay the events that led you here, you can't help but wince at your own idiocy.

stupid, stupid, stupid!

but honestly, could anyone really blame you? could anyone in your position have turned down such a tempting offer ━ a chance to earn an unimaginable amount of money just by playing a few games? you were desperate. hell, desperate doesn't even begin to cover it. you were drowning in debt, with creditors breathing down your neck and no lifeline in sight. the offer had felt like a miracle, a hand reaching out to pull you from the abyss. who wouldn't cling to that?

still, there's a difference between desperation and outright stupidity. and now, you're painfully aware which side you landed on.

the room you're in is massive, disorientingly so. its sheer scale makes you feel like a speck of dust trapped in an enormous void. the walls loom high above, featureless and sterile, painted in some dull, colorless hue that makes the space feel even colder. it's a dormitory of sorts, packed with bunk beds that stretch upward like towers. you count five levels, maybe more, stacked so precariously that you half-expect someone to fall off the top at any moment.

in the center of the room is a massive screen with the number 456. you have no idea what it means, but something about it makes your stomach churn uneasily. your gaze sweeps over the people gathered in the room ━ a sea of strangers dressed in identical green tracksuits.

it's only when you glance down at yourself that you realize you're wearing the same dull green outfit. your fingers brush over a patch sewn onto your chest: 127. your number. the sight of it triggers fragmented memories: leaving your house last night, wearing your usual black tracksuit, and...

your eyes narrow.

did those freaks actually change my clothes?

the thought sends a wave of revulsion crashing over you. it's not just the outfit; they must have taken your personal belongings too. your phone. your wallet. your everything. the implications of that alone make your skin crawl. these people stripped you down ━ literally ━ without your consent, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

"fucking hell," you mutter under your breath, running a hand through your hair in frustration.

before you can sink further into spiraling thoughts, a sharp ringing noise jolts you back to reality. a bell. it's been going off for a while now, but you were too preoccupied to notice. the other people around you are stirring, climbing out of their bunks and shuffling toward the center of the room.

you hesitate, your eyes darting across the crowd, searching for even a single familiar face.

nothing.

everywhere you look, there are strangers. hundreds of them, all milling about in the same green tracksuits, each marked with a different number.

you sigh. reluctantly, you slide off your bunk and join the crowd. attracting unnecessary attention doesn't seem like a good idea, and staying put isn't much better.

the moment your feet hit the cold floor, the room's massive doors creak open, and a group of people in red jumpsuits enters. their faces are completely obscured by masks. you instinctively step back, leaning against one of the bunk bed frames as you try to put some distance between yourself and the crowd.

the man at the front of the group speaks first. his voice is low and slightly muffled by the square-shaped mask he wears.

"i would like to extend a hearty welcome to all of you."

you tilt your head, studying the group dressed in red with narrowed eyes. the leader's mask is square, while the others in the back wear circles.

is there some sort of hierarchy here? and why the masks? are they hiding their identities? does that mean you've stumbled into some kind of fucking illegal place?

"everyone here will participate in six different games over six days," the square-masked man continues. "those who win all six games will receive a handsome cash prize."

cash prize. the words send a shiver down your spine. your heart flutters with a strange mix of anticipation and dread.

the room falls into a deathly silence for a brief moment, as everyone exchanges glances with each other.

"excuse me," someone finally spoke up.

your gaze shifted toward the voice. it belonged to a woman ━ number 120, according to the patch on her chest. she stepped forward with a confident air, but your sharp eyes caught the subtle tremble in her hands.

"you said we'd be playing games," she said, her voice steady but edged with steel. "but you practically kidnapped us. how can we trust you?"

it was a valid question, and one you had been wondering yourself. you didn't even know where you were, let alone who brought you here.

"i apologize," the masked replied. "please understand that it was necessary to maintain the game's security."

before you could even process that flimsy excuse, the room erupted into chaos. voices rose in a cacophony of anger and confusion as the crowd began hurling questions and accusations at the masked figures.

"what's with the masks, then? is your face a secret too?"

"yeah! why are you hiding your identity? are we in some kind of illegal gambling house?"

"even dealers don't cover their faces like this!"

you didn't bother adding to the noise. you doubted you'd get any real answers, and besides, you were too busy sorting through your own thoughts. still, you listened carefully, hoping someone else's questions might align with your own.

eventually, the masked man managed to regain control of the room.

"to ensure fair gameplay and confidentiality, it is our policy not to reveal the faces and identities of staff," he said. "please understand."

you rolled your eyes. the vagueness of that explanation was almost insulting.

"did you take my clothes and put these on me?" another girl piped up.

"what's with these shoes?" a guy said. "my shoes are limited fucking edition. they're hard to find! you going to replace them if they get ruined?"

you weren't sure whether to be amused or deeply concerned.

"these don't fit, and the color sucks," the girl grumbled. "can i just have what you're wearing instead? i like pink."

this time, you were genuinely amused by the absurdity of her complaints, and the person next to you shot you a weird look when you stifled a laugh.

"i'm sorry, but that is not possible. you must be in your uniforms for the games," replied the square guy, his tone flat and unyielding.

as the conversation moved on without you, you allowed your thoughts to wander, sinking deeper into the chaos in your head.

if you really thought about it, maybe this whole game thing wasn't some elaborate scam after all. maybe it was real. the rules, the setup, the masked figures ━ it all seemed ludicrous, but wasn't that the point of reality shows? the absurdity, the spectacle?

could it be something like the ddakji game you played with that strange man on the subway? granted, that had been straightforward ━ nothing more than flipping tiles and enduring a slap. this, however, seemed infinitely more intricate.

but still, it couldn't be anything that bad, right? it's not like someone was going to die or anything.

you pressed your lips together as doubt gnawed at the edges of your thoughts. then again, if something sounded too good to be true, it probably was.

not that it mattered to you. you needed the money. no, needed didn't even cover it. you were drowning, suffocating under a mountain of debt. you'd run out of options long ago, and these games ━ whatever they were ━ had shown up like a beacon in the night.

six games. just six. that's what the masked man had said. how hard could it be?

you snapped back to reality as the masked man's voice echoed through the room, pulling you from the haze of your thoughts. at first, you thought you'd misheard the announcement, that your mind was playing tricks on you, twisting words in a desperate attempt to distract you from the absurdity of your surroundings.

"player 333, lee myeong-gi."

you froze. no. it couldn't be. there had to be hundreds of people in south korea with that name. thousands, maybe. yeah, it was a coincidence. just a cruel coincidence. it had to be.

but the faint hope you clung to crumbled as quickly as it had formed. the square-masked guy gestured toward the massive screen at the center of the room. the lights dimmed slightly, and your breath hitched when the screen lit up with a video.

the grainy footage played in full view of everyone.

your ex-boyfriend ━ the one you'd broken up with just a few months ago, cut all ties with, and tried to erase completely from your life ━ was on the screen, getting slapped across the face with an almost comical force. the sound of the slap echoed louder than it should have, reverberating in your ears like a twisted mockery.

for a split second, you thought you might laugh at the absurdity of it all, but the laughter caught in your throat, choking you.

of all people in the world, it had to be him? and of all places, it had to be here?

you clenched your jaw, a silent scream ricocheting through your mind. you had no idea how to process what you were feeling. anger? disbelief? a nauseating mix of both?

the universe wasn't just mocking you ━ it was toying with you. what were the odds? your hands curled into fists at your sides as you glared at the screen, trying to will it away.

more videos flashed onto the screen, showing other participants getting slapped, but you barely registered them. you prayed, prayed, that your own face wouldn't appear next. it wasn't just about avoiding humiliation, though that was a large part of it. the real terror clawing at your chest was the thought of myeong-gi spotting you here, in this hellhole of a situation.

to your immense relief, your face never appeared on the screen. maybe the universe didn't hate you entirely.

"all of you in this room have crippling debts and are now on a cliff-edge. when we first came to you, you did not trust us either," the masked man continued. "but as you know, we played a game and gave you money as promised. and so you trusted us and volunteered to participate according to your own free will."

you exhaled sharply, your patience wearing thin.

"tou have one last chance to decide. do you want to live like a piece of trash, running from creditors? or will you seize the last opportunity we are offering?"

the logic was irrefutable. what else could you do? this was your last shot at digging yourself out of the bottomless pit of your life. the alternative was to crawl back into the misery you'd come from. that wasn't living ━ it was surviving. and you were tired of surviving.

the lights dimmed again, and the room filled with whispers of confusion as a mechanical hum descended from above. you glanced up and blinked in disbelief as a massive piggy bank was lowered from the ceiling. suspended in midair, its glossy surface gleamed under the fluorescent lights.

"what the hell?" you muttered to yourself.

a piggy bank?

"what you see now is the piggy bank where your valuable prize money will be stored," the masked man explained. "after each of the six games you will play, the prize money will accumulate in this piggy bank."

you stared at the giant pig, your thoughts racing.

how much money are we even talking about here?

someone beat you to the question. "how much is the prize money?"

you straightened slightly, trying to appear indifferent as you shoved your hands into your pockets. but your ears were tuned to every word, your heart pounding in anticipation.

"the prize money for the games is 45.6 billion won in total."

your breath caught, and your lips parted as the number settled in your brain. 45.6 billion won?

"holy shit..." you murmured under your breath.

your mind reeled, struggling to process the sheer enormity of it. that wasn't just life changing ━ it was life shattering. it was enough to erase every ounce of debt you had and still live comfortably for the rest of your days.

"and one of us will get it?" the guy from earlier pressed.

"we will give you the details about the distribution of the prize money after the first game. for these games, you will be given a special new advantage."

"what is it?" an elderly man asked.

"after each game, you will be given a chance to vote on whether to continue the games or not. if the majority votes to stop the games, you can leave with the prize money accumulated up to that point."

you rolled your eyes. quit now, when there's that much money at stake? who in their right mind would even consider that?

"are you saying," someone speaks up again, "we'll still receive the money, even if we leave after the first game?"

the square-masked man is silent for a moment before finally responding. "that is correct."

what happens next, you have no fucking idea.

the number burns into your brain, larger than life and impossible to fully comprehend. if you win the six, that staggering amount of money would be yours. 45.6 billion.

it was life-altering on a scale you couldn't wrap your head around. your hands instinctively tighten in your pockets as you fight the urge to fidget. it's insane. completely absurd. yet here it is, dangling in front of you like a glimmering prize at the end of a dark and twisted tunnel.

your thoughts drift to the game that had brought you here ━ the bizarre ddakji match with the man in the suit on the subway. that had been pretty easy, almost laughably so. a simple flip of a folded paper tile. you were only slapped twice. could the games here really be just as simple? just six games, and all your suffering, all your debts, all your problems would evaporate like smoke.

it's too good to be true. you know that. deep down, in the rational part of your mind, you know this entire setup is shady as hell. the masked organizers, the strange location, the sheer amount of money ━ it all screams danger. but what choice do you have? your desperation outweighs your doubt.

if things get too complicated... maybe you'll think about quitting. maybe.

a sudden shuffle of movement breaks your reverie, and you blink, snapping back to the present. you realize, with a jolt of mild panic, that all the participants have lined up in seven orderly rows. your stomach churns as you glance around, trying to piece together what you missed.

damn it, when had they given instructions?

swallowing your unease, you decide to play along. you quickly step into the second row, adopting an air of indifference to mask your confusion. hopefully, no one notices you're completely clueless.

when your turn finally comes, you step forward. the masked person standing before you is silent, their posture unnervingly still. they hand you a piece of paper without a word. your gaze drops to the document, your eyes scanning the text.

▍ PLAYER  CONSENT  FORM : O1. a player's not allowed to voluntarily quit the games. O2.  a player who refuses to play will be eliminated. O3.  the games may be terminated upon a majority vote. in case of a tie, players will vote again. O4.  if the games are terminated, players will divide the prize equally.

the rules are simple, concise, and far too ominous for your liking. the word 'eliminated' stands out like a glaring red flag, but you force yourself not to dwell on it.

you exhale slowly, your breath barely audible, before picking up the pen lying next to the form. your hand hovers for a brief moment, but it's not hesitation. you've made up your mind already. without overthinking it, you scrawl your signature at the bottom of the page, sealing your fate.

whatever you're signing up for, it can't be worse than the life you're already living.

you'd planned to head back to your bed after this. all the endless talking had worn you out. all you want now is to collapse onto your bed and let the weight of the day fade into nothing.

but, of course, life never goes according to plan.

a scream echoes through the room, and you turn your head to find the source ━ standing in the center of the commotion, flushed with equal parts embarrassment and irritation, is none other than your ex-boyfriend.

you only stare. you’ve got to be kidding me.

the man is mid-argument with another participant. from what you can gather, myeong-gi seems to be getting scolded, though the exact reason escapes you. you sigh, dragging a hand down your face as frustration bubbles to the surface.

of course. of course, it's him.

"for fuck's sake," you mutter, shaking your head as you turn away from the scene.

you're too tired to deal with this right now.

previous masterlist next

note ∘ ∘ ∘ for obvious reasons, in this book, myeong-gi is not the one who got my girl junhee pregnant. i just don't have the energy to craft an elaborate storyline around those circumstances.

taglist ∘ ∘ ∘ @suunani @academiq @startaegi @okaycharr @mayaswrld1212 (please let me know if you wanna be added!)

[maxdibert]

One thing that really pisses me off is how Snaters or anti-Snape people, or whatever the hell they want to call themselves, decide to twist canon to fit Severus into their image of an irredeemable son of Lucifer whose actions are driven by absolute evil. Some of the claims they make while blatantly ignoring canon are:

Severus is resentful toward Harry because Lily chose James. False. This is one of the most common narratives that stems from the idea that Severus is a creepy, obsessive stalker fixated on his childhood friend. It's literally NOT true. Severus isn’t resentful toward James because of Lily. He has plenty of reasons to resent James that have nothing to do with Lily, such as being bullied by him for seven years, being given a horrible nickname, or being stripped in front of the entire school just because he "existed." Ignoring that James was a bully—specifically to Severus—is a way of villainizing the victim while completely disregarding the fact that this wasn’t a love triangle issue. It was a case of abuser and victim, and Severus was the victim. And seeing the face of his abuser constantly on a rude kid who keeps questioning him and recklessly putting himself in life-threatening situations is obviously triggering as hell.

Severus was an incel stalker obsessed with Lily. Since when? Severus was canonically friends with Lily years before they went to Hogwarts. They hung out together and had a friendship. He wasn’t stalking her; he was her damn friend. F-R-I-E-N-D. They stayed friends until their relationship fell apart. She cut ties with him, and he didn’t go chasing after her or spying on her. There’s no point in the canon where it’s implied that Severus was stalking Lily after their friendship ended, let alone after Hogwarts. And that nonsense about him hugging her dead body? Spoiler: THAT NEVER HAPPENED IN THE BOOKS. It’s exclusive to the movies and therefore not canon. And the “incel” accusation? Did Severus ever ask her out? Did he insult or assault her for not wanting to be his friend anymore? No, he accepted that she told him to get lost and left with his tail between his legs. That’s not incel behavior.

Severus wanted to be a hero but was selfish. False. Severus never, ever, in his life wanted to be a hero. He had a debt to himself, to his guilt over his actions, and he wanted to atone for his sins, period. Even Dumbledore questions him by asking if he really wants to hide "his best side" from others, and Severus prefers it that way. He never wanted people to see his good side or know how much he had sacrificed. He wasn’t interested.

Severus deserved the bullying he suffered because he tried to get the Marauders expelled. False, because no one deserves to be tormented by rich brats abusing their privileges out of boredom. And false because Severus didn’t want the Marauders expelled—he wanted his abusers expelled, which is entirely different and absolutely justifiable, because anyone in his shoes would want to see the people tormenting them gone.

Severus only did what he did because of Lily and his obsession. False, because first of all, it wasn’t an obsession—it was grief, guilt, and enormous remorse. And doubly false, because when Dumbledore tells him that Harry (whom Severus has literally risked his life for several times to protect out of guilt over Lily) has to be sacrificed, he still goes along with the plan. By then, he isn’t driven only by his debt to Lily but by a genuine desire to defeat Voldemort.

Snape is a murderer. False. There’s no indication in canon that Severus killed anyone besides Dumbledore, and that was euthanasia—Dumbledore himself asked for it. There’s also no evidence that he tortured anyone.

Snape was a Nazi and a racist. False. The Death Eaters are not equivalent to Nazis, and blood purity isn’t equivalent to racism. With that cleared up, Severus was literally half-Muggle because his father was Muggle, and he grew up in a Muggle environment. His early life was in a Muggle world, and he even mentions that his father disliked magic. His prejudice against the Muggle world comes from having an extremely negative personal experience, knowing only a poor, resource-starved Muggle world, with an abusive and violent Muggle father. That alone justifies his need to cling to the magical side of his heritage. Moreover, being a kid with zero financial resources, no family support, coming from a violent environment, and experiencing further bullying and ostracism at school by wealthy pure-blood kids who targeted him as their punching bag made him the perfect target for any extremist cult—especially when the future leaders of that cult were in his house, where he had to fit in or face more bullying and isolation. Ignoring all the social background of the character to push the narrative that he’s evil because he made a terrible decision at 17 is classist and prejudiced. Plus, remember that Severus spent almost 20 years serving Dumbledore. He switched sides practically right away.

[angrydemonfawnbaby]

maybe one day i will be over bridgerton season three and my hatred for penelope but that day is not today

i understand that the books are different and that book polin and penelope are not what their show counterparts are but i need book polin and penelope fans to take a step back and examine the absolute psychological horror of what show polin is.

genuinely there is something so insidious about a girl who meets a guy, believes it's love at first sight, and then befriends his sister. in fact, her ONLY friend is his sister. she spends years pining, sitting and staring out of her window so often that everyone in her life knows this is a common occurrence for her. a habit. she loves him, she wants to be with him, she wants to be a part of his family, and that family treats her well, they treat her with kindness.

and she tears them down. secretly. she uses her friendship with the daughter, her closeness to them, to prop herself up. to write vitriolic things about them, to cast shame on them, to bring their reputation into question time and time again. there is something so irredeemably manipulative about a girl who takes the secrets of those who trusts her and reveals them publicly when it best suits her--when she does not want the boy she loves to marry a girl who has been kind to her, a girl who considers her a friend, who has shared her anxieties and heartbreak. it does not matter that this girl would be a good wife, or that the boy truly cares for her, because this girl is not her. and she could've told the boy herself, but that boy is kindhearted and sensitive and good and he might still marry this other girl. and that is what is truly unacceptable, that is what can't be allowed to happen. so she destroys it, thoroughly. it does not matter who is caught in the blast.

it did not matter how this embarrassment would effect the family she claimed to love as her own, the family she wanted to be a part of. it did not matter that it would ruin marina, the only other person to consider penelope a friend. it led to marina nearly dying, it led penelope's own family being shamed and shunned. it did not matter, because to penelope, the only thing that mattered was that colin remained unmarried so that he may one day love her the way she loves him.

it did not ever matter that colin already loved her as a friend, because to penelope that was not a love worth having. not from colin, or marina, or eloise.

she does not care who she hurts. again and again. with daphne, with anthony and the sharma sisters, with her own best friend. eloise confides in penelope things that not only could destroy her reputation and that of her family, but things that could get her in trouble with the queen--views that are dangerous. and despite what she says, she does it to save herself first and foremost, to keep eloise from discovering her secret.

and when she thinks that the boy she loves will never return her interest, when he returns from his time away different from the boy she has spent years obsessing over from afar, she writes about it once more. to make herself feel better, to make him feel bad. for not loving her, for daring to try and change, for daring to be something he is not--something different from the boy she supposedly loves.

penelope actions as whistledown have shown her to be a callous, selfish, manipulative person. she understands that being whistledown means having power, admits it, and she has constantly used that power to destroy other women--regardless of how kind they were to her (marina), how much they trusted her (eloise), or if she even knew them at all (kate and edwina, the queen and her infant grandchild). she is a vicious and mean person on paper, with no loyalties to anyone but herself. her actions as whistledown are undefendable and cruel. and she is whistledown, they are one and the same.

i cannot see how anyone can look at the two and see anything to romanticize. she knows eloise would not want her in bridgerton house, rightfully so, but she goes to be close to colin, and then she invades his privacy by reading his journals. she continuously lies and crosses boundaries, but her eyes well with tears immediately after and so all is miraculously forgiven--nevermind that she will go home to write something cruel by candlelight later.

even their first kiss feels like a manipulation. a coersion. she begs, cries, pleads, claims she could die never having been kissed and she knows colin is a soft, sensitive boy. he was going to marry marina after a short courtship, convinced of love, he might've went ahead married her if he'd found out about the pregnancy privately because he is a good and kind man. so of course he will kiss her.

and then he proposes, and before they can go about it properly, before he can rethink it or back out--she publishes it in whistledown. so that the whole ton knows that she has finally won. she has succeeded in becoming a bridgerton. and she continues to lie to them all. she continues to lie to colin. she smiles and plays the role of the innocent girl next door, when she has been their primary antagonist force behind the curtains for years now.

even her declaration of love is said to distract, to protect herself, when he has discovered her secret, her true identity, and she can no longer hide. she shouts it at him, like it is meant to make everything okay, to make all of the bad things she's done go away.

and in a well written story, with well written characters, it would not. it would be seen for what it is. desperate. manipulative. but this season of bridgerton is a let down in many ways, and all of them are rooted in how the narrative has catered to washing away how horrible of a person penelope has been, instead of acknowledging it and moving forward with a true redemption arc.

so instead, we get to watch a gossiping mean girl who has spent years stalking and preying on one family in particular, manipulating her way into her happy ending with said family. and everyone just has to be gaslit into believing this is okay when it's not.

[violentlilies]

Hot take - none of the dead primarchs should come back.

Doing so would ruin their story and the meaning of their lives and deaths

I know we all love them and want them alive forever but their characters had a full, round arc and a place in the story which is now over and beautifully finished. They are tragedies with super sad endings but that’s the beauty of these characters.

The death of Konrad was essential and meaningful to his whole tragedy character arc. If you bring him back to life you undo everything his death symbolizes and means. Also, what do you do with him at this point in the story? His story is finished, well thought out, etc etc - his time in the story is finished.

The reason Guilliman out of all primarchs was brought back is because he had very little character development or challenges in 30k. He’s the most privileged primarch who lived life with a silver spoon, and now, he faces hardship for the first time in his life, and goes thru character development. He’s an otherwise fairly neural character who can just vibe in the background.

Sanguinius’s death was deeply symbolic. It symbolized the cost of the Heresy, Horus’s fall and corruption, Sanguinius’s relationship with fate and his vision of death, etc. Bringing him back to life makes these moments pointless and weightless. The reason his story is so impactful, the reason the story of the Heresy hits as hard as it does is because there is real cost and consequences.

That’s one of the things that makes Warhammer / The Horus Heresy such a good story (wether you realize this or not), is that it’s not a fairytale format. Actions have consequences, people die, there is no magic rescue or magic saving of anyone. There is weight to everything.

Bringing Ferrus back to life would undo and make meaningless everything about Fulgrim’s arc. His death is what sent Fulgrim down his dark spiral and still keeps him there. The finality of murder, that what he’s done can’t be undone, his belief in being irredeemable. Bringing Ferrus back would make all this shallow and meaningless.

See I was a huge Supernatural fan when it aired and I can tell you ALL about the trap of constantly bringing back beloved characters for the sake of fan service: by the end nothing meant anything anymore. No death, no sacrifice, no danger meant anything anymore nor had any weight because we all knew that they will come back anyway. All the emotional moment surrounding past deaths, sacrifice, mourning, tragedy, etc were rendered meaningless because they came back. If that wasn’t bad enough, these resurrected characters had no place in the story anymore. The whole show become “unrealistic” (in terms of storytelling) fanfiction where characters did things and everyone was always around, there were little to no challenges, If there were any there was no risk on the line, everyone always came back - what even was the point in watching that? It was like watching reality tv with fictional characters. I simply didn’t care anymore. All these beloved characters I loved for years become meaningless and empty because despite their arcs having ended, arcs which had lessons, meanings, etc., they were still around, with no purpose, no arc, no character development that wasn’t just “became a good guy” or “became a bad guy” - they were just standing around.

I also don’t want to see a therapy process for all the characters where they get fixed and turned happy and healthy, and everyone resolves all the problems and they all hug under the Christmas tree. If I want that I read fanfiction. That’s what fics are for, and I’m not being snarky, I’m serious.

Please for the love of god, beware of the “fanficifying” of the source media. Fanfics are where ppl go to indulge certain fantasies or headcanons, wether they make sense in the bigger picture or not. Comfort, fix-its, au’s, etc. That’s why they were invented.

The source media is not meant to be fan service, it’s not meant to make you happy, it’s meant to tell a story with a message and a meaning, all the characters are written to convey something and their character arcs. What makes Warhammer so great as a story is its brutal cold realism. It’s what makes it so impactful and these characters so great. Turning the source material into a fix-it fanfiction would cheapen and ruin the story.

The reason these fix-it fantasies and scenarios are so popular and we want them so badly is because they aren’t in the canon. Do you guys get what I’m saying? The yearning for it makes them so great and beloved. If you were handed all of this in the story as fan service it would suddenly become cheap and boring.

Some characters like Curze are not meant to be fixed narratively. His story is a cautionary tale, a story of untreated mental illness, of a downward spiral, trauma, pessimism, etc - something that reflects reality in a LOT of people. Same for the stories of all the traitor primarchs.

I’m also against bringing Clonegrim back as Fulgrim. Him being collected by Trazyn is literally a message from the authors to the fans: Fulgrim belongs in our memories. There is no place in the story for him anymore. His arc is over, his story is over. Just like Trazyn collection, we remember him as his original uncorrupted self in our hearts and cherish him, but he isn’t a part of the story anymore. Placing a perfect uncorrupted version of Fulgrim in a collection of valuable historical artifacts is literally a metaphor by black library authors to the fans. It’s closure on Fulgrim as a character, a farewell and a lesson that you need to let things go.

Characters die and get corrupted and there is no going back. It sucks, it’s heartbreaking and we want it undone but doing so would ruin the story and deem this character hollow and meaningless. If everyone is back, happy and everything’s always great, what’s the story? That works for a 4000 word fic you read one and done for a feel-good moment but not as an addition to this huge story spanning 10.000 years.

If you get everything you want as fanservice spoon fed to you, that’s when you get Marvel movies and the last few seasons of Supernatural.

Remember how impactful Infinity War was? Then how hollow everything afterwards felt? That’s what I’m talking about.

The arcs of these primarchs ended. The arc of the primarchs in general.

I know GW will always be up for a cash grab and they have to keep the story going perpetually so they will be forced to bring back some of the lost primarchs like Russ, Vulkan, Dorn etc. but I hope to god they won’t touch the ones who are dead and who’s death meant something and their character arc is well rounded and finished.

Part of a good story and a good character is accepting when it’s over. A good story has to end. A good character has to die.

Every good storytelling has a beginning, an end and an arc, all carefully planned and written, all with a purpose of conveying a story, a lesson and meaning.

If a story or a character gets dragged out or resurrected past their natural end point, the story goes to shit.

It’s the reason reboots and sequels of popular movies made just for a cash grab when the original story has been finished feel hollow and unneeded.

Part of being a good fan is knowing when to let go. Mourn, yearn, write fics, what ifs, au’s - but know when a good story is over and let it be over.

If Warhammer turns into a “everyone is alive and they all get along or have petty conflicts for no reason leading up to no bigger goal”, it will be boring and worst of all, these powerful amazing character will be hollowed out

And before you start typing, no, there is no “good proper meaningful way” to bring them back. Their stories are OVER. Their character arc is FINISHED. Trying to tinker with it is unneeded.

LET. THEM. REST.

We don’t need a “somehow, Palpatine returned”.

I know you want to see your faves back in action but be careful what you wish for because it never ends well. I don’t know if a single example where it did.

This urge in you is a Slaaneshi temptation of it never being enough. You want more, more, more, you’re never satisfied when a story is over, until your insistence of dragging a story and characters on and on forever ruins everything and turns it to slop. I’m being serious, this is such a good example of the actual meaning of Slaanesh

Stop being Slaaneshi, be an actual enjoyer of literature which involves knowing when a story is over, clap and let the curtains close.

You have to know what a tragedy is and accept it as such. Tragedies don’t need happy endings or fixing. You have to know that tragic characters are a part of literature. Not everything needs to be smoothed over and fixed. Not everything needs to return to how it was before - it is ok, in fact desired, to show that actions have consequences, the world changes, characters change and the idea of “everything going back to the way it was before” is stupid because it’s not how the world works - and this is what makes a good, deep story.

Inability to accept such is a sign that you’re not media literate or mature enough to consume these stories. In that case, go consume Marvel movies, not Warhammer.

It’s a sad stupid consequence of the cash grab media environment when the audience sees a character die or disappear and the first thing they say is “how will they be back?”. You can’t even sit and mourn the finality of characters without leaving a door open in your head of “they may be brought back”. This is literally ruining your enjoyment of media and you don’t even realize it.

It’s actually ok for characters to have an open ending. It’s ok for you to not know everything. This is once again a consequence of the “movie theory video” environment where you need to know every detail of everything, otherwise you throw a tantrum (the whole “who is Snoke” crap).

It’s ok for primarchs to be lost. It would’ve been ok for the Lion to be asleep, trapped in ruins forever. It would’ve made for a perfect tragedy of the story of the primarchs. The primarchs being this chapter of Imperial history, an experiment that turned wrong, a civil war and it’s remnants. Like relics of a bygone age. Them being around but scattered or sleeping, their whereabouts unknown, the universe having swallowed them without a uniting force. It’s like conspiracy theories about aliens or mythological beings having been on earth millennia ago. It makes the universe even more grand and beautiful. Their open endings are unsatisfying but interesting. These lost primarchs could pop up here and there. But as said before, their times are over. The place for primarchs in the story of humanity is over.

Ps: this is NOT directed towards ppl who make au’s and fics where they resurrect, fix or bring back dead or lost primarchs. You keep doing that, that’s literally what the medium of fics is for.

This is directed to ppl who want GW to bring back and resurrect primarchs in the official story “because they want xy back”.

[purple-babygirl]

don't call me daddy IV

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x little!f!reader

Word count: 5,540

Summary : In a world where littles are openly themselves, they volunteer to help and be helped by willing caregivers. In spite of himself, Bucky finds himself stuck with one and to keep the nagging away, he has to learn how to be around her with everything that that entails.

Warnings: crying, a flu, coughing, shots, age regression

A/N: forgive me for the lateness with this one. i was very sick, like bed-ridden sick, and when i got a little better i got to writing right away. please be kind to me with this one, i'm still high on meds:" please enjoy xx💜💜

~

“Call me daddy.”

“What?” She was suddenly pulling away as if Bucky was made up of scorching metal.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He asked with a small smile, wiping any residue tears on his face.

What she wanted… he was only suggesting that she called him daddy because he thought it was what she wanted? Was this his way of returning the favor because she hugged him after a nightmare?

Now she was really hurt.

Bucky was unknowingly emphasizing the fact that he didn’t want this type of relationship, didn’t want her. He was only doing it to show gratitude.

“No.” She shook her head, getting up from the floor.

“No?” Bucky was genuinely confused as he followed her with his eyes.

He thought he was finally making things right, giving her what she wanted.

“I wanna go back.”

“What?!”

“I wanna go back, please take me back.” Her voice wasn’t even sad or frantic, only small and disheartened.

“Back where?! The couch is right there if you wanna go!” Bucky became angry again.

He felt rejected and he felt small. Was it his touch that made her pull back? Was it the daddy thing? Was he so repulsive?

“No, back, out of here.”

“Back where?! It’s the middle of the night!” Bucky raised his voice in frustration, the nightmare nerves barely out of his body.

Has she lost her mind? Why was she acting like this now? What was he supposed to do to please her and her little mind?

“Take me back to Mrs. Morrison,” she insisted calmly as she collected her slippers and stashed them back in her bag.

He looked at her with wide eyes and an open mouth, not getting what happened or where he went wrong.

She wasn’t even tearing up, it was like a switch has flipped inside of her.

“Just— just talk to me, okay? What happened?” Bucky fervently needed her to stop, needed to understand.

“Bucky was right. This isn’t gonna work. Please just take me back.”

Her words reopened Bucky’s wounds that her sweet gestures had once closed. What did she mean “isn’t gonna work”? Was he just deemed irredeemable? Again?

“But why?!”

“I just wanna go back.” Was all she gave him; no explanation and no reasons.

Bucky wouldn’t understand.

“You know what? Fine! I’ll take you back first thing in the morning. Go back to the fucking couch, stay away from me!”

She silently got the wolf stuffie, leaving it on the kitchen counter, and went back, no crying and no trials to correct him on his choice of bad words.

Did she really want to leave? Was she really going to leave him come morning?

~

When it was lit up enough, Bucky went for a run, trying to blow off some steam because he felt like he was about to explode.

Why did he let her in? He shouldn’t have done that. She didn’t deserve to get this close, no one did.

Did he seriously think he was accepted and understood by this stranger after 7 days of time together?

No matter what the purpose she was serving was, she could never understand how hard Bucky had had it.

Still, something kept pulling him to her. Something inside of him didn’t want her to leave him. Not now that he was used to her; that he wanted to be used to her.

It's been only a week and Bucky was ready to give human relationships another chance. She made him feel like healing wasn’t a faraway dream.

He was going to try and talk to her one last time and if she still wanted to leave, he would gladly let her.

When he opened his door, she was dressed and waiting for Bucky on the couch, ready to go.

“So you were serious about leaving?” Bucky asks as he kicks his shoes off.

“Yes. Bucky is gonna take me back, right?”

“If that’s really what you want?”

She didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded.

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Talk to me like I’m talking to you!” Bucky snapped.

She remained silent this time, not ready for a fight.

“Why do you wanna leave? What did I do?”

“Bucky didn’t do anything.”

“Then what is it?!”

“That is it.”

“What?!”

“Bucky didn’t do anything. Bucky didn’t even look at Doll’s file. Bucky never even called Doll Doll.” Only now did her tears come back, rolling down her cheeks with ease as she spilled out all that she’s been holding inside of her, “Bucky never wanted Doll.”

“I— I didn’t have time to look at the file. We were in a hurry so I picked the first one in the batch!” Bucky tried to explain, but quickly realized what he'd said.

A sob escaped her at the revelation that she was picked at random, that it could’ve been anyone else and that he really never wanted her.

“That’s not what I meant. I— listen, at first maybe I didn’t want you, but it’s different now!”

“Bucky never even picked me?” She cried, her broken voice crushing his heart.

“I—”

“Please take me back.” She wiped at her face, trying to steady her breathing.

“But—”

“Please, Bucky, please.”

The way she begged him with teary eyes and a shaky voice made Bucky stand up despite himself to put his shoes back on to take her back.

He might’ve not gotten a chance to explain himself, but he’s done her enough damage and he wasn’t going to continue being the reason she cried when she has been the reason he stopped.

“Let’s go.” Bucky pursed his lips and opened the door for her, her bag in hand, knowing it will never be the same when he came back.

~

“Doll, now that you’re big at least tell me anything, dear. Did he do anything—”

“He didn’t do anything, Mrs. Morrison. I promise you. Bucky was nothing but a gentleman with me.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing. I just think I wasn’t ready. I shouldn’t have listed my little self as ready.” She shook her head with a polite smile.

Mrs. Morrison wasn’t buying it, but she couldn’t push her anymore.

“Alright, dear. I’ll go finish the report so Bucky’s therapist can get her copy in the morning.”

“Mrs. Morrison, please,” she held the older woman’s hand imploringly, “Bucky didn’t do but good. Make sure you’re just to him in your report.”

“Okay, doll. Whatever you say, dear.” She woman shook her head, giving up the argument before standing up and leaving the room.

It wasn’t the full truth, but she did believe she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t going to be ready for a long time, so it was better if she just went back home and let herself be grounded a little.

~

“Please, I need to see her.” Bucky begged in front of Mrs. Morrison’s desk.

“Not before you tell me what you did to her, Mr. Barnes!”

“I— I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s what she said too, but I know it’s not the truth!”

“Wait, what? I— please let me see her.”

“She’s not here, Sergeant Barnes.”

“What? Where is she?”

“Home,” the woman replied shortly, still mad at Bucky.

“I thought that was where they lived?”

The woman shook her head in disappointment, “you never read your copy of the file, did you?”

Bucky remained silent, too embarrassed to speak. Why did everyone keep asking about the damn file!

“No, they don’t live here. She went back to her life at her house.”

“Well, can you give me the address?”

“Of course, not! That’s private information and you two don’t even seem to have ended on good terms!”

“Please? I need to fix this.”

“You already had time to do that, Mr. Barnes.”

“Well… At least give me a chance to apologize.”

“I don’t know.” The woman hesitated.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” Bucky begged sincerely.

“Anything?” Mrs. Morrison smiled suddenly, making Bucky worry a little, but he meant his words nonetheless.

“Anything.”

~

“Corgi, calm down!” Bucky heard her sweet laugh as she approached the dog’s barks.

“You call your corgi Corgi?” He asked her with a smile.

“Bucky, what are you doing here?” Her smile quickly disappeared and a surprised frown replaced it.

“I—”

“Okay, I finished moving the new planters to the right side like you wanted— hello?” The man who cut Bucky off was offering him a hand.

Bucky shook it coldly, his signature frown staring the man down, “hey.”

“I’m Adam,” the man said with a friendly smile.

“Sergeant James Barnes.”

“Bucky, this is Adam, my best friend and neighbor, Adam, this is Bucky… a friend.” She introduced them, not sure of what to say about Bucky.

Meanwhile, Bucky felt something weigh down on him. Was it the fact that he wished she said more than just “a friend”? Was it the presence of this Adam guy? Was that… jealousy?!

“Right, so I’m gonna go now, but call me if you need anything, okay?” Adam said, looking at them both suspiciously.

“I will. Thank you for today, Adam. You’re the best.” She gave the man a hug, smiling from ear to ear as she did it, too.

That was a smile Bucky has never seen.

“I know I know. Bye, Corgi! Bye, Sergeant, nice to meet you!” Adam shouted as he walked out of her porch.

Bucky only nodded even though he knew the man couldn’t see him. He didn’t care if he was rude. Who was that anyway?

She was expecting Bucky to talk when Adam was gone but he just stood there, fiddling with the bag in his hand as he stared at her, so she didn’t say anything either.

She was done initiating. If he came all the way here on his own, he could start a conversation on his own.

“Who was that?”

“Really? You came all the way here to ask me that?”

He stuttered and swallowed, knowing fully well that he had no right to such a question.

“You seem different.”

“You mean big?” She smiled sadly, noticing how much more comfortable Bucky was dealing with her like that.

Bucky nodded guiltily, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I do have a life and responsibilities after all.” She shrugged, gesturing to her house and the puppy by her feet.

She was disappointed to say the least. First, he gave her a terrible week with him, then he returned her and never looked back and now he was on her porch for no clear reason or explanation, questioning her and her life?

Still, she felt a spark of hope in her chest at the fact that he was standing before her. There must’ve been a reason he came and it couldn’t be so he could fight more.

Bucky felt embarrassed, tongue-tied with guilt as he’s forgotten everything he has been wanting to say.

Then the sky started speaking for him, thundering loudly and making her jump with a hand on her heart.

“Oh, it’s gonna rain. Let’s go inside.”

For some reason, he assumed she was talking to the puppy but when she kept looking at him, Bucky gratefully moved his feet.

~

Her house was the epitome of coziness. It was a true home and it was nothing like Bucky’s.

It had actual furniture, colorful pieces he knew were carefully picked. It had wallpaper and picture frames and kitchenware and cute mugs and plates.

Only now did he know how much shit she could’ve given him for the place he made her stay in, but she didn’t.

“Bucky!”

“Yes?”

“I asked about your favorite tea.” She smiled, motioning to a number of varieties on her shelves.

“A coffee would be fine.”

“I’ll just make you earl grey with me.” She shrugged, ignoring his choice for a coffee at this relatively late hour of the evening.

“Hey!”

“It’s my house, my rules, old man!”

Wow! Big her was kind of feisty and it was making Bucky smile.

“What do you have there?” She asked, looking at the small plastic bag that Bucky’s been carrying in his hand.

“Oh, I— this is for you.” He handed her the bag, cheeks burning as he was still brand new when it came to such gestures.

“Oreos! And wolfie!” She called out happily when she looked inside the bag, “thank you so much!” She squeezed the tips of his fingers, smiling at him like he’d gotten her a rare diamond.

When she let go of his hand to open the package and taste the cookies, Bucky felt fear settle in his chest at the idea of having lost her forever.

He watched her try to hide the hug she was giving the white stuffed wolf before slipping it to her curious dog, “careful, Corgi.”

She didn’t lecture or blame him about his treatment of her, yes, nor did she even bring up the week she stayed at his house, but would she be willing to forgive him? Would she give him another chance?

Instead of screaming at him, she was sitting him down on a comfortable couch that had a soft blanket draped over it and serving him tea and cake. What kind of angel was she?

“If you don’t like it, I’ll make you coffee. But taste it first,” she set the tray with tea cups and a plate with a couple of cake slices on the little wooden coffee table and Bucky knew the smell of this tray was the only thing missing from her living room.

Now it was all perfect. It suited her so well.

“I made lime key cake this morning so you’re in luck. It goes really well with earl grey,” she told him, trying to get him to talk, to tell her why he was at her place a week later at 9 in the evening.

But he only nodded.

She didn’t push him. She has done enough coaxing and enough pushing. She didn’t have to do that anymore. If Bucky wanted to talk, he would have to talk on his own.

But he didn’t.

An hour later, she was getting sleepy and the rain was pouring even harder.

“I— I better go.” He stood up, patting his pockets nervously as if to make sure his belongings were in place.

So he came all the way here for nothing? He found her house and rode on his motorcycle all the way here for nothing?

“No way, you can’t drive your motor cycle in this rain!”

“I’m a super soldier, I don’t get sick,” Bucky argued with a smile, heart swelling at the idea that she still cared for him.

“I don’t care. The roads are slippery. It’s dangerous!”

“But—”

“No buts. You can have my bed, let me show you the room,” she said, never giving him space for a reply as she led the way to her bedroom.

“You really don’t have to. I can take the couch.” Or the floor

“The couch is mine. Corgi cries at night and doesn’t like to sleep alone. He’s still just a puppy.”

“Why don’t you just move his crate to your bedroom?”

“Because there’s a system in this house, Sergeant. We’re disciplined people.” She smiled playfully, “good night.”

And just like that, Bucky was alone in her bedroom, with her bed and sheets and blankets, where all the pillows smelled like her hair shampoo and the air was light and sweet. He was in heaven.

Bucky took his jacket off, draping it over the armchair by her vanity and her perfumes caught his eye.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t help himself as he picked up the first bottle and neared it to his nose.

Oh, lord, was this sexy. He imagined himself eating her up if he was to smell this perfume on her skin. It was captivating and it went well with her playful grown up personality.

He tried another bottle and it was a softer scent that he knew all too well. It was the one she wore when she was staying at his house. It smelt angelic, soft and welcoming.

Bucky had to stop himself from going down the line of perfumes because he didn’t think he could keep going.

He’d better go to bed and try to catch a few hours of sleep before the mind attacks started.

Grabbing a pillow that smelled like her, Bucky made himself as comfortable as could be on the wooden floor next to her bed, draping her overly soft blanket on his body.

~

“You call it a disciplined house but you don’t even have a dining table,” Bucky teased as he helped her bring the rest of the plates to the coffee table.

He was right actually. She lied last night. She could easily take Corgi to the bedroom with her, but what kind of hospitality would that be to give Bucky the couch when it was his first time visiting?

“At least my coffee table has space for more than 2 noodle cups,” she teased right back, hardly biting a smile.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her sassiness, smiling like an idiot at how easy she made everything.

Talking was easy around her. Existing was easy around her. Breathing was easy around her. And oh did he miss her.

“So…” she trailed, pouring orange juice in Bucky’s glass.

She couldn’t stay silent anymore. She had to understand why Bucky found her house and came to her after he’d clearly proven he didn’t want her. She wanted and tried to be the bigger person, but if he had something to say, she was ready to hear it now.

“I— I came here to say I’m sorry,” Bucky finally said the words that have been sitting on the back of his tongue for so long.

“Bucky…” she locked her eyes with his for a second, unable to read him, “you didn’t have to come all the way here. I didn’t tell Mrs. Morrison anything.”

The way she reassured him broke his heart. It was as if she wholeheartedly believed that all Bucky cared about was the final report.

But he cared about so much more. He cared about fixing this. He cared about her.

“I know. I did.”

“What?!”

“I told her everything.”

“Bucky— why?”

“I had to make it right.”

“Well, what did she say?” She chewed her lower lip nervously, worried everything has been ruined for Bucky.

“She made me serve a few hours at the institution and only when she got everyone’s approval did she agree to give me your address.”

“Everyone’s approval of what?” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Of my storytelling skills,” Bucky replied proudly, putting some cheese on her plate for her when he noticed her freeze.

“Your storytelling— what?!” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, a huge smile breaking on her face.

“I spent a few nights reading bedtime stories to the residents there and I’ll have you know I did a pretty good job, though most of them wanted lullabies so I stole some of yours—”

“Hold on! You, Bucky Barnes, read bedtime stories and sang lullabies to littles at the institution?”

“Yes, I did.” Bucky nodded with a shrug.

“You did all of this so you could have my address?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I missed you, doll.”

“Doll?” Her eyes instantly teared up at the sole use of the name coming from him.

“And to tell you that I got to meet everyone that was available at the same time you were and none of them could ever compare. They’re all amazing people, but none of them made me feel like you’ve made me feel in that short week,” Bucky admitted softly, eyes hesitant to leave his fingers.

“I was terrible to you and you didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry. I know now that I should’ve been better.”

“Bucky, it’s okay,” she said with a content smile, simply satisfied with his presence as she passed him the bread. That apology was genuinely enough for her.

“No, doll, it’s not. I— I did the opposite of everything a caregiver should’ve done. It's just… you made me nervous, scared.” Bucky admitted.

“I scared you?” She scoffed in surprise. She wasn’t expecting this one.

“Yes. The way you were fully yourself, the way you weren’t afraid to show it, the way you did the effort to relieve yourself of whatever you were suffering from, it all scared me. How you openly cried when you needed to. It scared me because I didn’t know how to be like you. I didn’t know how to choose trust and kindness again after everything that had happened to me. Your courage scared me.”

“Oh, Bucky.” Tears rolled down her face as she desperately felt the need to hold him and kiss every inch of him better, “why didn’t you talk to me? I would’ve understood.”

“I tried… that day… but talking about it made me wanna close up on myself even more. It made me more scared. It wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. And I can’t help it,” Bucky’s voice trembled as he fought his own tears.

He couldn’t believe he said those words out loud to someone else.

She left her seat and went to sit next to Bucky on the couch, her hands finding his and holding onto them for dear life.

“But when I came home to an empty living room after dropping you off at the institution, I knew what I'd lost. I realized what an asshole I’ve been to you. And I missed you. I missed you so much when I closed the door and you weren’t on the couch looking at me,” he poured his heart out to her with tears in his eyes.

She squeezed his hand more, trying to hug his fingers with hers but they were too short to fully cover his hands.

“You don’t have to give me another chance, but I felt like I could’ve died if I didn’t tell you how sorry I was and am. I’m sorry I didn’t give myself time to understand you and appreciate you for everything that you were, doll. I’m sorry I was so stupid and let you slip away from my hands. I’m sorry I was undeserving of your kindness and softness and love,” Bucky told her with tears pouring down his face, matching hers as she finally got to listen to all that he had to say.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to be a good daddy to you and I’m sorry I didn’t try to learn. It’s all my fault because you, doll, deserve someone who would bust their ass trying for you,” Bucky sighed, “but if you’d let me, I’ll spend as much time as you’ll allow me doing that.”

“Thank you for finding me.” She threw herself in his arms and Bucky felt his soul come back to him as he held her tight to his body.

“Thank you for welcoming me back in despite everything I’ve put you through. I know I don’t deserve it.” Bucky squeezed her closer, the smell of her hair calming his senses.

“You’re welcome.” She pulled back to wipe his tears away, giving him a smile prettier than anything he’s ever seen, “now let’s eat before the eggs go cold.” She wiped her eyes quickly before grabbing the spoon and putting some eggs on Bucky’s plate.

“Does that smile mean you forgive me, doll?” Bucky asked hopefully.

“I forgive you, Sarge.” She smiled at him, what was in her heart showing in her eyes.

“You won’t regret it,” he promised, putting some food in his mouth to stop any upcoming tears.

They ate silently in peace for a second before Bucky spoke out.

“Seriously though, who was that Adam guy?!”

“Way to ruin a moment, Bucky,” she teased.

But Bucky didn’t smile. He remained silent waiting for her answer with a tiny frown.

“I told you he’s my best friend and he lives next door.”

 Bucky’s frown deepened slightly. So that man got to see her every day huh?

“With his wife,” she added, biting back a smile as she watched his face relax.

“Don’t toy with me like that, doll.”

“I couldn’t help it. This is all new to me and I’m having fun!”

“Does he come here a lot?”

“Yes, Bucky. It’s what friends do, they visit,” she laughed.

“I don’t see Sam that often and we’re fine.” He shrugged unconvincingly, making her laugh more.

“He’s a good man, you’ll come to like him. Plus, he helped me a lot those past weeks and took care of my garden and Corgi while I was away so I owe him.”

“So I’m seeing a farmer now?” Bucky teased.

“Oh look who’s not so quiet anymore!” She teased back with a giggle, “at least my fridge never runs out of tomatoes.”

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky asked, his face serious again.

She nodded in reply, a smile gracing her patient features.

“Why did it bother you so much when I told you to call me daddy?”

She hummed, letting go of her fork.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna answ—”

“It made me feel like you were returning a favor. Doing something because you felt like you had to do it, like it was the right thing to do, but not because you really wanted it. Yes, I wanted to call you daddy with my whole heart, but only if you wanted it too. It hurt because at the time I knew you still hadn’t accepted me for who I was and was just saying that so you could repay me for the hug I was giving you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky shock his head in remorse, “I will never understand how you managed to put up with me for a whole week.”

“It’s because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted, Bucky. I know what it feels like to be unloved and unaccepted, especially by those who should give you unconditional love.”

“Family?” Bucky asked with a sad smile.

She nodded with a similar smile, “I know what it’s like to be more than your pain and anger with others only seeing the snapping and frowning. Little me doesn’t want anyone else to feel unloved like that because she knows how bad it all is. So she gives. She’s patient and she’s kind and sometimes I don’t think I could’ve accessed that part of myself if it wasn’t for her.”

“How so?”

“Grown ups are more cautious because they always have the consequences to things like vulnerability right in front of their eyes. We’re more likely to be afraid to show our hearts because we know we could get hurt bad because of it. Little me isn’t scared of that. She wakes up brand new every day. She wears her heart on her sleeve and trusts her love to do the magic.”

“You’re an amazing person.” Bucky raised her hand to his lips to press a timid kiss without much thought, “I guess I have a lot to learn from you, doll.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” She whined playfully, cheeks going hot as she turned away shyly, “plus, do you have a death wish?” She raised a playful eyebrow.

“It’s true though— what?”

“I didn’t give you permission to kiss me,” she teased, reminding him of the time she kissed his cheek on her first day at his house.

Bucky smiled sheepishly, whispering out an apology even though he knew she was joking.

Bucky stopped himself when she started coughing abruptly.

She’s been coughing a little here and there since morning, but he didn’t think anything of it.

She shook her head, still coughing as she ran to the bathroom, needing to find any sort of cold medicine. She knew what this was.

Bucky hurried behind her, “what’s wrong?”

In a second, she was bending forward, coughing her heart out.

“Are you okay?!”

She shook her head again, trying to calm down, “I thought it was just a sore throat but it’s getting worse.”

“Let’s get you to the doctor,” Bucky said, worry eating away inside his chest as he watched her cough more.

He quickly grabbed her jacket and keys, leading her out to her car.

~

“It’s because I let you sleep on the couch, isn’t it? You got cold,” Bucky said, running his fingers through his hair nervously as he paced around the room.

He hasn’t stopped blaming himself since they’d returned from the doctor’s. She caught a bad flu and Bucky quickly believed it was his fault.

“No, Bucky. It’s not that.”

“You don’t have to defend me, doll. It’s because of me. I’ve managed to hurt you again. And I don’t even use beds. I should’ve never let you sleep out here.”

“Hey! Calm down please! It’s not you... It was me.” She released a sigh, biting her lip.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when the rain got even worse after you went to bed. I thought I’d come out and cover the motorcycle so that it wouldn’t get all muddy and you’d have a hard time cleaning it,” she explained, fiddling with her fingers.

“That’s still because of me,” Bucky sighed.

“Come on, it’s not like you made me!” Her hoarse voice tried to reassure.

Bucky only ran his fingers through his messy hair again, not knowing what to say or do to make this one right.

“Bucky, please, I’m sick. All I want is for you to stay beside me and not blame yourself.” Her frown was back to her beautiful face and Bucky didn’t like it, “can you do that for me?”

He didn’t like how sick and scratchy her voice sounded either so he wasn’t about to make talk more with a throat like that.

“I’ve already proven I suck at taking care of you, doll,” Bucky chuckled sadly.

“Do you want forgiveness or not?” She joked.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m right here.”

“Is it dangerous for you though? I don’t want you to get it too.”

“I can’t get sick, remember?” Bucky smiled, rubbing her back lightly, “I’m your nurse now.”

“Is that so?” She giggled.

“Yeah.” He nodded confidently.

“You’re definitely not dressed for it,” she teased, giving him her tongue.

“Oh, are you into that kinda thing, doll?” He raised an eyebrow, a playful smile she has never seen before on his pink lips.

“Bucky!” She squealed, hiding her face with the covers, making Bucky laugh.

The sound was heaven to her ears and despite being awfully sick, she couldn’t wish for a better outcome for Bucky’s visit.

“Shit, here it comes again,” she gulped before starting another fit of harsh coughing.

“Bad word,” he whispered to her, making her smile tiredly as she continued coughing.

~

“I don’t wanna go,” she whined as Bucky gently forced her arm inside her jacket.

“We have to. You need your shots to get better.” Bucky covered her head with the hood of her jacket to make sure she was warm before leading her outside.

“But shots hurt,” she whined more with teary eyes.

“I’ll be right there, remember?”

“That’s not gonna do anything!” She whined further.

“Hey!” Bucky pretended to be hurt as he helped her inside the car.

She sighed with a grateful smile, “fine, hugs or I don’t go.”

“Hugs it is.” Bucky smiled back, taking seat next to her before starting the car.

~

“No, no, no, please. I’m not ready, I don’t want it. Give me pills instead, give me pills,” she cried in Bucky’s chest as she saw the doctor get the shot ready.

“Doll, it’s okay, I promise. I got you,” Bucky said, feeling as helpless as ever.

He wished he could get the shots for her, but it wasn’t possible. He could feel something different about her. She looked like she was slipping into her little headspace and it made Bucky nervous, oh so nervous, that he might mess up and not be able to deal with her again.

She barely calmed down enough for Bucky to help her small hands lower her pants just enough for the doctor to have space to push the needle in.

She moaned in pain as she hid her face in Bucky’s chest, crying for real when she felt the strong medicine inside the needle spread inside her.

“It stings. It stings bad,” she sobbed, hands clutching Bucky’s shirt as he covered her behind again and made sure she was properly covered.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We’re going home now, it’s over,” Bucky cooed, rubbing and patting her back with his big hand.

“It hurts, daddy,” she sniveled in his ear and Bucky froze.

Those innocent teary eyes looking up at him like that made him feel a lot of things. But most importantly, they made him feel like he could do this. He could take care of this sweet girl without messing up this time. Her love would show him how.

“I got you, doll. Daddy’s got you.”

~

part V

~

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[thegoldencontracts]

(Not) A Stand-Up Guy

Summary: Your boyfriend is being insulted. Naturally, you defend him. Problem is... That's kind of hard.

Characters: Azul, Jade

Azul Ashengrotto

It was a peaceful day as you passed through the hallways to run a quick errand; delivering papers to Professor Crewel. The halls were almost completely deserted, every little sound echoing through the walls.

And one of those sounds was the sound of people insulting your boyfriend.

"Ugh," said some guy. "The damn crook. Can't believe people like him can be housewarden."

"We should beat him up." Silence. "I-I'm joking," said the other guy hastily. "Obviously, I know that wouldn't work with those goons of his. He's still annoying, though."

"His voice pisses me off."

"His voice?" Said another guy incredulously. "What about the fact that he's a terrible person?"

A terrible person was definitely an overstatement. Though he definitely had his flaws, Azul wasn't Satan incarnate or anything Iike that.

And- now that you thought about it, didn't these guys cheat off you during Alchemy? What were they doing insulting you boyfriend when they knew you could hear them? Didn't they have an ounce of respect?

...Or did they just think you were a pushover?

You were beginning to feel offended on your own behalf, too.

"Hey!" You said, turning to face them, closing the gap between you and the group of miscreants. "Don't talk about my boyfriend like that!"

"We're right," said one of the guys nonchalantly. You paused for a second.

He was a crook, and he did intentionally get on people's nerves. Curses.

"Uh, well-" You raised a finger to try and prove your point, except there was no point to prove. "He has a very lovely voice!"

"That he sweetens up to get on people's nerves," said a guy. He was right.

You paused for a second. They were right, weren't they?

No, no. You weren't going to let this slide.

"Still," you said, steeling yourself. Your voice instantly turned stony.

"Let's face it: Night Raven's a school of schemers. You're all probably up to no good yourself. Azul isn't particularly worse than any of you, nor is he the morally irredeemable prat you seem to think he is. He's insanely hardworking, and probably more talented than you could ever be, considering how often you all try to pull a fast one and look at my answers during tests."

You paused for a long breath, taking in their shock at your words—and the fact you knew about them cheating off of you.

"So," you continued. "If you're going to use me to cheat or whatever, at least don't talk shit about my boyfriend when I can clearly hear you."

That promptly shut them up.

"Sorry, sorry," one of them said. "So... You won't tell Professor Crewel about... Uh...?"

You beamed.

"We're all good!" You said, switching up your tone immediately. You had gotten what you wanted.

The guy sighed.

"T-Thanks," he said, not really caring about Azul so long as he could keept cheating off of you during Alchemy.

"No problem!"

You beamed, off on your merry way. And, afterwards, you bumped into none other than your darling himself, Azul.

"I saw your little skirmish earlier today," he said with a grin. You laughed.

"I'd stick up for you again," you said. He smiled. "Even if it is super hard to do."

The smile fell right off his face.

"You'd do well to cease this line of conversation."

"Nah," you said. "I think I'll keep talking about it some more. I'll talk about you being a crook, and how you talk like Squidward from SpongeBob sometimes, and-"

"Insolent cretin."

"I love you too, Azul."

Jade Leech

Getting to pick Jade's mushrooms was quite the pleasant experience. They were all so pretty, and the garden itself was so well taken care of, not to mention how much glee you felt at the thought of Jade trusting you enough to ask you to pick some of his precious mushrooms for him!

As you finished storing the last of the mushrooms—Lactarius Indigo, a really pretty one; edible too—you practically skipped back to Octavinelle. Oh, how you loved mycology. The world of fungi was really quite fascinating.

So why did everyone think they were creepy? At least, they did in this school. Seriously, mushrooms weren't just not creepy, they were awesome! Mushrooms were one of the key players in the ecosystem, a great source of food, so varied in utility it was insane, gorgeous, not to mention-

"Oh, look," some guy said." It's the creepier Leech's servant, here to collect his fucking poison mushrooms."

"Don't say that! They're supposed to be together!" Said another guy with a snicker. "They're totally equals, you guys."

Your eye twitched. You could hear them. They knew that, right?

No, no. You had to be calm about this. Move on, ignore them.

"I wonder what kinda blackmail he's got on his little servant-"

"Oh, shut up!" You said before you could stop yourself. You'd lost your temper.

One of the guys scoffed.

"Your precious little boyfriend's a creep, and you know it," he said. Another guy nodded along.

"Wasn't that there thing about him finding people's private online accounts or some shit?"

You grit your teeth. That was... True, actually. He did that, and he also messed with others for his own amusement.

Curses.

"It's just the truth," said one of the guys. You noticed the yellow band on his uniform. Savannaclaw.

You smirked.

"Were you or were you not in on it when your dorm orchestrated the mass accidents? What about the stampede on Diasomnia?"

His eyes widened.

"I- uh-"

"That's what I thought," you said. "Might want to shut it, then. You're not exactly a saint yourself."

With that, you walked off, making one last comment about how they'd never been in a healthy relationship before. Still, you couldn't help but sigh.

You hadn't actually won the argument. You just- deflected their point.

Then again, did those guys really have a point? This was Night Raven. What made the things Jade did any worse than the misdeeds of other students?

You were pulled from your lamentations by the sight of Jade Leech.

"Thank you for so bravely taking a stand on my behalf, dearest," he said with a teasing look that contained a vague trace of sincerity. How did he even get that information? Hell if you knew.

"No problem, my dear princess," you said with an entirely straight face. "On that note, your knight has brought the requested items."

You pulled out the bag of mushrooms, presenting them to him with a smirk.

"Please, accept this humble offering," you said. It was all too satisfying to catch the split second of frustration on Jade's face at you playing along. Turnabout was fair play, wasn't it?

But, of course, he had to keep playing along. It was actually pretty funny, to be honest.

"I accept, my darling knight," he said with a smirk. "Of course, I must reward you."

"And how exactly do you intend to go about doing that?"

Your question was promptly answered when he pulled you in for a kiss.

[nyarlathesleeper]

The Llamas With Hats Epilogue

So like any normal Jason Steele mega fan (I'm calling us The Steelers (Copyright be damned)), I was present for the Llamas With Hats Epilogue, a 20 minute append to the 11 year old series about a mad scientist llama with a particular skill for horrific contraptions involving human meat. He also wears a hat. I'm hardly the only one to have caught onto this story as an allegory for abusive relationships, and the epilogue continues this idea wonderfully.

Carl, having killed himself after his creations destroyed the entire world, finds himself in the afterlife. He's still haunted by the voice of his only friend, fellow llama Paul (also behatted). The epilogue is almost entirely focused on Carl and his coming to understand his greatest crime. Not the global genocide, or all the horrific torture he put countless people through with his many meat monsters, but hurting his llama boyfriend, the one person he actually cared about. Kinda.

Carl is a fascinating character, and the epilogue I think does a great job at outlining precisely what he is. The series finale is perfectly somber. No jokes, no laughs, just misery. That's the state of the world, and it's the state of Carl. But the epilogue does something to recontextualize the finale, in a way some may not like. The finale leaves the impression that Carl is well and truly miserable. This remains intact. But it also leaves you with the impression that he genuinely cared about and missed Paul. And while it's certainly possible that Carl came to genuinely miss Paul over the course of time between their last meeting and the finale, I think the epilogue does a much better job outlining Carl's exact relationship with Paul.

Carl, in his own words, is a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. Throughout the series, it's shown that he and Paul spend a lot of time together. Vacations, time at home, walks through the park, there does seem to be a functioning relationship there on some level. But in the series itself, all we see is a version of Carl that is well and truly a horrific monster. A monster who seems to primarily appreciate Paul because he's someone who puts up with Carl and his antics. Carl seems to have fun antagonizing Paul with his many monstrosities. When Paul finally leaves, Carl is desperate to get him back. The epilogue makes it clear that this isn't out of genuine love, it's just possessiveness.

Carl is stated very clearly to be beyond redemption. And though I'm typically of a forgiving mentality, I'm comfortable saying that a llama who makes meat dragons out of orphan baby hands for fun probably isn't someone who can be redeemed. Carl is very resistant to this idea at first. He thinks that Paul will forgive him if he just never does anything wrong again. And even after he dedicates himself to this idea, he can't help but enact violence on the first thing he sees. It takes remembering that Paul is dead, and that he was the one responsible for Carl to realize that he isn't healthy for Paul. That for them both to move on, that he needs to let go. For both their sakes.

Carl is probably the most deplorable character in Filmcow's catalogue. Not even Jenny with her Pizza Hut is that evil. But he's allowed peace. He's not punished forever, it's unlikely it'd even do anything if he was. He's just left to make what was probably the hardest decision he possibly could. He became the acorn. He let go. He gave himself up so that something else could live and be free.

You can't even really describe this as a selfless act, though. Paul is dead, he'll never know what Carl did. He'll never know, and he probably doesn't care. There's something beautiful about that. Carl making a sacrificial decision for nobody but himself. Even the most evil, irredeemable monster is capable and deserving of inner peace. The destruction of the world and death of every living thing didn't make Carl happy. Getting everything he ever wanted just made him miserable. Letting go is the only way for Carl, and abusive people like him, to ever achieve peace.

This all being said, the toxic llama yaoi does go crazy hard, 10 "CAAAAAAARRRLLLLLLLLL"s out of 10. Stay hydrated, eat your tube meat, and keep an eye out for phantom impostors. No, not like amogus.

[slippinmickeys]

Funfetti prompt: how did Mulder propose? My sincere apologies to whoever asked for this prompt. I wrote down the prompt, but neglected to write down the name of who asked for it and it's been a couple of weeks now. Please call yourself out in the tags or in the comments on AO3 and I'll rectify my mistake!

He is buried in the cradle of her hips, a briny haven, deep as the Vineyard Sound; a place he has only been a handful of times. 

Scully, nine weeks out from a natural birth in a dusty day bed in Georgia, makes a groaning, satisfied sound, her thumb hooked into his cheek. He crimps her knuckle delicately with his teeth, feels a surge of affection for his partner. Tenderness. It is an echo of what he feels for his son, sleeping several feet away, his mother’s cupid bow lips in a soft, round face. 

“Marry me,” he says into the flesh of her chest, swaying and heavy with milk. 

The copper cap of her hair is draped over one eye, and the other pins him briefly. 

“What?” she says breathily. “No.”

They haven’t really discussed this, though he’s tried to bring it up. His paternal leave was up a week ago and he’s come to her apartment every night after work like Ward Cleaver, tie loosened, Scully in the kitchen or nursing on the bed. He sits and takes off his penny loafers and asks to hold his warm son in the crook of his arm and wonders how life has deposited him here; a ticking stripe chair, a new nine-to-five Bureau gig, a contentment he has never before felt, never chased. 

“Marry me,” he says again, more earnest this time, and he feels her thighs tense where she’s straddling his lap.

“Are you always this talkative in bed?” she asks, lifting herself up only to sink back down. 

He is still learning her body, and she is relearning this new version of it, twisting her hips in a way that makes them both groan. Their first time sleeping together again after William was born was shy and tentative, Mulder afraid he’d hurt her and Scully half dazed with remembered sadness and longing. 

“I don’t remember,” he husks. 

“Me neither,” she says on a sigh. 

Her orgasm comes on quickly and she seems surprised by it, her mouth rounding into a little O that has him finishing not far behind her, sinking back into the pillow in relief. She climbs off of him half a minute later and pulls the sheet up and over her shoulder. 

Mulder rises and removes the condom he wore on the advice of her OB-GYN, and comes back to the bed, stopping to look into the bassinet before sliding in beside her. 

“Were you serious?” she asks, her voice small. 

His pillow smells sweetly of breast milk, and he finds an errant burp cloth rolled under the corner of it, which he tosses gently onto the bedside table.

“I was,” he says, turning back to her, surprised to find it's the truth. 

“Are you asking out of some sense of responsibility or…” 

She’s looking at him like she’s trying to figure him out, reconciling the man who had been her partner with the man currently laying beside her. 

It has been hard-fought–reconciling those things himself–won out with one look at his newborn son after several months of not knowing where he fit in, who he was anymore. He now only feels a rightness, a sense of peace. And it’s only by Scully’s side, by William’s, from which that rightness flows. 

“I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t part of it,” he says. 

Scully looks at him with a look he’s come to recognize as hope. “What’s the other part?”

“I’m irredeemably in love with the both of you,” his voice cracks. “And I want to bind you to me in every way I possibly can.”

She turns her head so her cheek is resting on her hand.

“The way you bound yourself to Diana?”

The comment stings, but not sharply. She has a point. 

“Diana wanted me under her thumb. Marrying me was an act of control, not devotion.”

“How come you never told me?” 

“I was embarrassed. There’s a reason I asked for an annulment rather than a divorce.”

Mulder thought of the ring, which he’d thrown in the Potomac. It had been made of gold. A soft metal, malleable. Easily bent. If Scully agreed to marry him, he was doing it with platinum. Titanium. Steel. 

“And you’d rather have a family than the Truth?” Above the constellation of her freckles, her eyes burn with the blue of a driftwood flame. 

“I think they’re one in the same,” he says honestly. Fuck everything else, he thinks. He wants them both knit to him like Pan’s shadow.

Her flower petal lips creep up into a smile. 

“Is that a yes?” he smiles back. 

“It’s not a no,” she purrs, and a lightness zips through him. From the bassinet, his son awakens with a happy babble. 

He’s going to get her the most obnoxious ring he can find. It’ll catch on sweaters and in the craw of Kersh’s secretary. It’ll make Tara blanch and her mother smile. She’ll only pretend to hate it. 

He’s going to marry her. 

[tryandbehappy]

Oh my god. What utter bullshit.

Do you realize what they did? They made Nick the fucking scapegoat with no closure, no resolution, no development, nothing. And the worst part? It’s all completely OOC.

Why?

Because if they wanted to show that he was some kind of villain June became disillusioned with, then they should’ve actually shown him being shady and doing something really unforgivable and irredeemable at least. They should’ve given him a real “dark side,” a secret life, something ( i honestly can’t even imagine what it could’ve been —considering she forgave Lydia and Serena for things that were so much worse. But okay. At minimum, he would’ve had to personally shoot those girls and assault someone right in front of her for this level of rejection to make any f***ing sense)

But they didn’t.

All we ever saw were things that made us feel sympathy for him, compassion for him.

And then what happens?

June throws him away like a fing dog. Even when literally everyone else is defending him (even Luke and Serena) She’s like “nah, f that, it was his choice, he deserved it” 😱

Completely erasing everything they shared. EVERYTHING. Don’t get me started to list everything he did for her.

I genuinely don’t even have words for how f*ing absurd that is. So what are we left with?

A message that her love for him was… what? Fake?Unacknowledged? That he was never really good? That it meant nothing?

Because apparently, “all commanders are evil.”

Except wait — not all of them. Lawrence is fine. Rapists are evil — but not Lydia, not Serena. THEY get redemption. THEY get forgiveness. Even from June herself.

The hypocrisy is off the charts.

Nick gets destroyed for one single mistake. (And it wasn’t even really a mistake)

She knows his circumstances. She knows he has no one outside. She left him. She knows he has a wife and a child now. She knows all of that.

So if the goal was to make him look like a monster then WHY give him a wife and child he actually cares about?Why show that he values loyalty, family, love? Why frame him as the one man who stayed decent in a hellish system only to punish him for it?

You can’t have it both ways. You can’t build a character whose entire arc is about being emotionally grounded, loyal, protective and then expect us to believe he’s evil because he didn’t abandon his child?

In his final scene, you have ROSE pressuring him to protect his child and that was his motive. And now we’re supposed to go, “oh yeah, that’s a bad guy”?

WHAT???

It just…It doesn’t make any f***ing sense. And let’s be real — this episode told me nothing I didn’t already suspect. They planted those dumbass lines earlier:

“the winning side,”

“June asked me to leave Gilead.” It was already clear they were setting him up for a fall.

So what’s the takeaway?

The entire show used us — used the fanbase’s love and trust and compassion for Nick —

just to keep us watching. Just to keep us emotionally invested. So that in the end, they could drop this cheap lazy f***ing twist where he’s suddenly “the villain” not because it makes sense, but because they wanted shock value.

And in doing that, they made the main character June look like a coward. A hypocrite. A bitter woman who never actually grew, never evolved. An ungrateful disgusting woman.

She judges based on labels (only Nick btw), even though she, of all people, should understand the gray areas —better than anyone. Her mother doesn’t. Luke doesn’t. But she lived it. She knows.

And still, in the end, she chooses the white coat (strange she wasn’t wearing it like when she was watching the fucking ballet)

She turns her back on Nick.Betrays their entire story. Over one thing. ONE decision — a situation she herself put him in. A father of her child. Made out of love! (She said it herself)

It’s disgusting.

And the message it sends? Absolutely revolting. I don’t even know how to comment on this anymore.

F*** them. They deserve a f***ing avalanche of 1-star reviews, internet rage, and public backlash.

Because this, this is how you butcher a legacy.

[barrenclan]

sorry if this is spoilers bc we might learn more later. I'm super confused with Rainhaze's thought process. When he was saying its pointless. like. I get not wanting to go back bc he killed his mom. but what did that have to do with Asphodelpaw? Couldnt he just walk away? Did he see her and decide he wanted to be part of Defiance? And this was the tipping point to prove it? I'm super confused. Was it because if she left she'd tell someone? I assume we'll get a better explanation later?

Absolutely! I've actually been waiting for a chance to really dig into this. Like Rainhaze himself, his issue is written with a lot of confusion and uncertainty, and it's not very straight-forwardly, so I understand why his motivations are easy to miss. So here it is!

Firstly; Rainhaze as he existed in BarrenClan and Rainhaze as he is now are two very, very different beasts. Obviously he's still the same person, but he's gone through a mountain of trauma, violence, and was forced to confront the fact that if pressed, he would kill a family member - even his own mother. Sure, in the moment he was threatened into doing it, but it opens the possibility that he'd even do that. Maybe he would've done anything to protect his family then, but it's been a long time.

Then, over many months, he's subjected to propaganda, murder, and terrible treatment. His mental state from where he was when he killed Dustfeather is massively changed. He's depressed, listless, and much more willing to kill. Not only that, but Defiance propaganda has worked on him.

(Issue 24)

With so much constant killing in his life, and being constantly vulnerable, he begins to see death as a good thing. Something that ends suffering, something that doesn't really matter in the end.

(Issue 28)

So now we're at Issue 31. Rainhaze is in a "doldrum", like Ranger says (a period of inactivity or lethargy). He's so torn between his new life and new beliefs, and his old regrets and old connections to BarrenClan, that he's basically attempting to end his own life through inactivity. Ranger doesn't want this. Here's his plan:

Ranger knows that BarrenClan lives opposite the forest, across the prairie. He specifically orders Rainhaze to "kill something", planting that idea in his mind. He's hoping that Rainhaze will find one of his Clan members, and make the decision to kill one of them. This would push Rainhaze over into whatever full breakdown Ranger wants, and solidify his ties to Defiance. And that is what happens. So why did Rainhaze make that decision?

We already have the basis of an incredibly traumatized Rainhaze. He views himself as he is now, and who he used to be, as different people. And he belives that's completely beyond redemption.

Yes, all those months ago he promised he was suffering in Defiance for his family and Clan, but it's really hard to hold onto those noble morals when you're being put through hell every day. Rainhaze hasn't even seen his family in months. They don't seem real to him anymore.

Then he is finally confronted by Asphodelpaw, the symbol of everything he's put himself through torture to protect, and all he wants to do is go back to Defiance. And here we go, getting to these lines;

Rainhaze is a coward.

He's separated from Deepdark and Ranger, by at least several days. He could absolutely come home with Asphodelpaw and warn all of BarrenClan - they could evacuate in time, be far away by the time Defiance arrives on their territory. But then he'd have to face his family, face his sister whose mother he violently murdered. Have to stand there and have them look at him and know him and see the scars on his body.

When he says, "this is vile, pointless, irredeemable, monstrous", he understands that killing Asphodelpaw is a disgustingly cruel action. He knows that. He understands that he's choosing Defiance over her, and over them. But that's the choice he feels he needs to make to protect himself. He's not thinking about his family any more.

So he does something so completely vicious and irredeemable that he is forced to choose Defiance. Because there's no way that any BarrenClan cat would forgive him for this. There's no way he would forgive himself for this.

And thus, Rainhaze figures himself out, and burns every other bridge entirely. He makes his choice.