#what have I done to myself hahah

[danikatze]

[ID in alt text]

I'm done carving!! Printing is a whole other thing of course, but I'm relieved I can check this off the list of things to do.

[Video description: a sped up video of me carving a flower out of wood for a woodblock print. In real time this would have taken about 20 minutes. /End video description]

Remember 6 months ago when I said I could finish this woodcut in 2 weeks lmfao.. Life's been uh. difficult, so I've only been able to work on it sporadically for like an hour at a time. Also it has an insane amount of detail, so I can't focus on it very long anyway.

Buuut I'm getting there. The deadline is coming up and things have calmed down a little, so hopefully I'll finish it soon and I can start printing. 🤞

[apollo-just-ice]

Okay I know I said I would do eot postgame.

But I think I am maybe just putting that on hold for now and moving forwards to gti,,,

A new game for me that I have not played before, so idk what lies ahead for this!

[bunnys-kisses]

How I have loved going to the Bakery. Have a small order myself, that I hope you will make happen 😍

Swiss roll, shortbread squares, savory pastry mocha coffee with a tonic water on the side. But where the girl is the older one. With Lando

bakery menu

want to submit an order? then hit up the menu! thank you for all of those who submitted orders, i am a really happy to be working with them! the prompts have been amazing, so thank you!! and for the lovely anon who submitted this order, i love your vision! while the age gap isn't massive between reader and lando, i do think it is interesting and thank you for specifying that, hahah. i hope you enjoy! <3

swiss roll: "everything you own, everything you wear i paid for. so i guess that means i own you." + savory pastry: "let your brother find out." + mocha coffee: breeding kink + tonic water: age gap served by lando norris (formula one)!!

cw: smut/pwp, age gap (3 years), piastri!reader, cowgirl position, breeding kink, quiet sex, semi-public sex, couch sex

lando norris with an 'older girl' how scandalous. the age gap was just shy of three years and barely anything compared to some of the age gaps that happened in formula one. but, the press loved to make a scene of things that simply didn't exist.

you honestly thought they would've latched onto the fact that you were oscar piastri's older sister, but you guessed the tension between them would make that fact less of fuss in the media. so despite being twenty seven and working on your post-graduate degree, everyone had to be in your business about your relationship with the formula one driver.

when lando saw you on the track, he was all smiles as he practically raced to you, almost pushing your brother out of the way. you laughed and kissed lando on the lips when he got close enough. even though you were the oldest piastri, with oscar being second, you all looked around the same age. you once joked that you got that all from your mother and you were forever grateful for that.

you pecked your boyfriend on the lips before you slung an arm around your younger brother, you pulled him close and were all smiles. maybe you weren't the most demure of the wags/family of formula one, but the excitement of the track still coursed through you.

and when lando won, it was hard to decide if you wanted to be with your brother with his second place victory, or your winner of a boyfriend. you didn't didn't get much time to think it over, because very quickly, lando was pulling you into his driver's room.

"we can't do this here." you squeaked when he pressed you up against the door with his hands up your mclaren branded t-shirt. you moaned into the kiss he gave you, but tried to be quiet about it.

not everyone needed to know, even if it was implied that you two were intimate and quite often. the hickey-gate from the beginning of the season was still fresh in your mind.

"let your brother find out." he grinned against your lips, "hell, even your mom and sister too." he yanked the shirt off over your head and you bit your lip to keep quiet.

when he pulled away, he brought you with him and soon you ended up on the couch with your skirt hiked up. he had a hungry look in his eyes as he gazed down at you. you felt the quickening in your pulse as he got your skirt up over your hips and left your pink panties exposed.

"lando."

he looked at you with a stupid grin on his face. he could tell that you looked divine. beautiful in a way that it left him cock throbbing in his shorts, "i remember when i bought you this skirt. i thought i tore it right down the seam when we got home." he recalled.

you replied, "you've done that to about four of my skirts." the pouted at him.

"and i'll do it to four more." he grabbed at his clothed cock and beamed, "everything you own, everything you wear i paid for. so i guess that means i own you. which means i can rip what i want. when i want." and you felt the heat in your face.

"lando."

he laughed a little, for a moment he was loud before he quieted himself. as much as he would talk about letting your family know how good he fucked you. he was slightly afraid of mrs. piastri. a woman that nice would easily have lando's head on a plate and his balls as a side dish.

he got your panties off, "can you be quiet for me, babygirl?" his tone, quiet but still seductive enough to leave you feeling the heat from your head to your feet.

you nodded, "of course." then straddled his waist once he got onto the couch beside you and his cock was out of his jeans. little time to undress, you two could becoming more intimate with your nudes bodies at the hotel room. you sank down on him and arched your back a little from the feeling. you hated to admit it, but it felt very, very good. a stretch in the right way, not enough to leave you achy for days on end. but rather achy where your body yearned for it. till you had every last inch.

it was an erotic feeling. the sort of feeling that made the blood pump faster in your brain. lando had that kind of effect on you, he knew exactly how to make you feel good. after all, you only deserved the best.

'you like that, angel?" he asked quietly, "you like how i make you feel?" his voice was quiet and a bit strain from the shock of pleasure to the brain. he licked his top lip and beamed at you, "so pretty."

"lando. fuck."

"sounds like you love it." he chuckled. as the pleasure coursed through his body, the more erotic side of him took over. his lips became more loose and the words made your skin burn, "ah, like that, angel? like how i fuck you... next time, i'm gonna breed you." he panted a little bit, his eyes slightly hooded as the pleasure thumped in his brain.

"lan-"

"shh. shh." he said, "think about it. you, me, baby. you'd look really good with my kid. then our families will be together. oscar as my brother in law and uncle to our little peanut." he laughed a little bit.

you held onto his shoulders and kept moving your hips, "lando. fuck." the idea sounded nice, even when removed from the sexual context. but, not until you finished your masters. regardless you still worked yourself against his cock.

"you and i making a baby. make it a night you could never forget." he said with a big smile before you leaned in and kissed him deeply on the lips. he moaned against the kiss and you felt the pleasure criss cross up your back with an intense heat.

lando always made you feel good. you shifted a little to get a better pace as you rode him. you took him beautifully in lando's (less than) humble opinion. he wished he could hear your noises at that moment, but right now you two had to quiet. rutting against one another like animals.

"baby."

"i love you."

"not as much as i love you. fuck, angel." he groaned as he really continued to work your pussy. he could describe himself as drunk off the feeling of you. you came quickly and bit your inner cheek as you tensed up. you couldn't be too loud. the scandal that created.

"shit." you squeaked out, "lando."

he chuckled as he kissed your sweaty temple. his hands on your ass as he guided you up and down his cock. you gasped against him. the pleasure reverberated through you.

"i guess you can keep up with a young guy like me." he chuckled, "you start to slow down in your mid-twenties." his words were cheeky.

you took him by the shoulders and stared into his eyes, you replied quietly, "shut up." then kissed his lips, "i love you, but shut up." and lando pulled you into another kiss as he bucked his hips a few more times and came inside of you.

the moan rolled off his tongue while he kissed you as you both slowed your pace down. you remained in his lap for a moment, softly kissing as he leaned over to grab your panties.

when you broke away, you looked at him and smiled a little. you cupped his face, "i know what you're going to say. you get one last joke about my age, norris." you tapped his nose.

"you did so good for a woman your age." he beamed.

"that's it, couch tonight." you grabbed your panties, "i'm celebrating the rest of the evening with my brother." and when you tried to get away on shaky legs lando only pulled you back into his lap.

he smiled at you and said, "you know i like my women older." he held you tight and you kicked your legs. you panties tumbled out of your hand and onto the floor once more as lando pulled you onto the couch, "especially when they're so beautiful."

you flushed a little, and let your boyfriend grope your near bare breasts once more. you could hit him over the head, but quickly you melted into his kisses <3

[vixenvoider]

I ENTERED THE VOID STATE

in this post i will explain in depth how i entered the void state and what i manifested. i will be open to questions but if you ask something that i explain in this post i won't answer it just fyi, so even though this will be long, if you are truly curious i encourage you to read the whole thing. i am sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes that might be present.

overall story: i have been trying to enter the void for around 2 months now, and finally entered through a lucid dream. one thing i want to note before i tell my story is that i have been lucid dreaming my whole life (so if you never have, i don't know what good steps are for beginners).

the beginning: my journey started when i inadvertently came across a post about how someone else entered the void state and manifested their dream body and face. i was not into manifesting before, in fact, i actually had a problem with the whole concept of the law of attraction and didn't know there were other types of manifestation and never looked deeply into it. that being said, i have always been an open-minded person and also, a more or less spiritual person. i believe in a lot of "out there" things because a lot of said things have been proven to me (through experiences i find hard to explain so i'm not going to). i'm sharing this to let you know that due how deeply i naturally believe in such things i never really had a problem with my void concept, even though i experienced doubts (so for this area i really can't give much advice).

so after learning about the existence of the void state i searched "void state" on tumblr and skimmed some info here and there on it, what i came across included some basic methods on how to enter the void but i didn't fully understand them yet. that same night i followed a shifting guided meditation but i couldn't really get "into" it, i was a naturally anxious person who found it hard to relax so it just wasn't working, but i did see it through and try my best and i think in the long run it helped me. in the guided meditation i listened to, the person makes you walk through a door to get to your desired reality and even though the meditation didn't work, that imagery worked it's way into my subconscious and i had a lucid dream that night. i did not manifest anything that night but it was on purpose (i think). in my lucid dream i woke up in my bedroom. i looked in the mirror and decided i would change what i saw to a more desired appearance and it worked (i looked exactly like the person i was thinking of), then, i decided (with intention) to open my bedroom door and enter my dream house and it worked. at this point in the dream i thought that entering the void must be super easy since i was already basically close and could have done it there if i wanted to BUT i chose to wake up because i wanted to enter the void when i actually knew for sure what i wanted my manifestations to be. i knew i was going to want a lot if i really thought about it and i also didn't want to actually look like someone else (my whole lucid dream i was more trying to test my imagination and build my confidence). the next day i started making a void state list and writing down everything i genuinely wanted for myself.

experiencing doubts: things started to go wrong after that hahah, after my first beginner's luck(?) experience i was struggling to lucid dream (even though i've always naturally been a lucid dreamer, the times it occurs is still random and i couldn't make them happen) and meditations were only getting me so close. all in all, over the past 2 months i had 5 failed lucid dreams and several close, but failed, meditation attempts. this instilled some doubts in me, especially the lucid dreams, because apparently once you lucid dream it's meant to be quite simple but when i would affirm for the void in my dreams i would just wake up or the dream would continue.

another thing that caused me to doubt the void was questioning some of the stories on here. most of them i initially don't believe anyway because it's known there's many liars in the community and there seems to be a trend of people posting void success stories in an attempt to enter to the void (to act as if it already happened) but they technically haven't in reality yet. that being said, i did have some blogs i mostly trusted and then one day one of the blogs i trusted answered an anonymous ask about a success story and it really looked like they sent it to themselves. the reason i thought this was because the op of the blog spells a commonly used word wrong all the time but it's not a spelling mistake people commonly make (in fact, i know no one who makes this spelling mistake) but then the anon that sent them the success story made the exact same spelling mistake. it made me worry that perhaps there were no true success stories because why was this person who supposedly mastered the void bothering with sending asks to themselves to validate their blog? i mean this was all speculation but it still caused me to think.

that being said again, i still basically believed, i just wavered a little, but i definitely believed enough to keep persisting (because why not?)

the success: finally, after almost 2 months i entered the void through a lucid dream. when i realised i was dreaming i tried to make myself stay super grounded in the dream but i also thought about not taking too long since i didn't want to wake up. i did this because i realised the very first night when i had my lucid dream, i didn't get excited and try immediately, i hung around in my dream for a while and just enjoyed things (as i explained). so i wandered around the dream a bit and just looked at things, touched things, tried to feel the temperature and take note of it and then when i felt calm and not too excited i closed my eyes and affirmed for the void and entered. when i got the void i just said "i have everything on my void list" (a few times to make sure) and then stated i was exiting the void state. the void feels how pretty much everyone describes, you just know it's happening and you are pure consciousness.

what i manifested: my void state list ended up being super long and i manifested a lot of personal things that i won't share, which is what i'm sure would be the same for most people, but i'll include a list of things that others might find interesting or encouraging:

desired appearance (including body, face, height etc)

money (i came up with a plan that of how it would make sense in my country to have acquired it)

got rid of my anxiety disorder (having this was probably the most debilitating part of my life, it's also why i know meditation never truly worked for me since i could never relax and it's crazy to feel not severely stressed constantly for the first time in my life)

got rid of my autoimmune disease and fixed my eyesight (i manifested being healthy overall in general)

feel comfortable instantly, i will no longer get too itchy, feel dirty after a long day, be too hot or too cold etc. (can't really attest to this one yet but i have felt no discomfort)

dream living space and whatever bed i sleep in to always be super comfortable

opinion on the void state: overall the point is that the void state is real and you can get anything you want, getting to the void is also easy but it's just about trying to go for it and not getting discouraged. i don't want to share too much of my opinion on this because i actually find it really toxic. some people will get mad if you say you "entered" or "got to" the void because you technically are always the void, and personally, i don't find these slight changes in language to be important unless you are very sensitive to it. for me, it doesn't matter if i think about the void as something i enter or something i am because i believe it exists and that's all i need to know at the end of the day. if you want to see it as something you are, or a state or anything else, i don't think it matters as long as you believe manifestation is possible, you are the creator of your reality, you get to decide what language or thought process works for you :)

common questions: i'm going to answer some question i feel like i will get if people find this post so i'm just going to answer them here. remember that these answers are just my opinion.

question: how come people don't manifest to end world hunger, for everyone to have money, to become the next "big thing", to be a real life superhero, for everyone to be happy etc. truthfully, i think people do manifest that but i don't think they stay in this reality. a lot of people think that using the void at all means you shift your reality, idk if i believe in that, but i would have to assume the people that use the void to manifest very extreme things ultimately have to shift realities. so this would mean the reason you're not seeing these results is because these people are no longer in this reality. if you pay attention i think you will also notice that most void success stories that seem to come from reliable sources (though this is still all personal judgement) seem to be rather humble, these people just manifest to be the prettier version of themselves, to live in a nice place, to be around good people and other similar things. i think people with mostly humble desires stay in this reality and people with more fantastical desires (to be the most famous person ever, to be a multibillionaire, world peace) go elsewhere.

question: why would someone even have humble desires? i can't speak for every single person but i think it's just the desire to stick to the familiar. we want better lives but also want to feel at "home" still, i wanted to still feel like ME. maybe it seems stupid and selfish but if we really are shifting realities every time then there really is no way to actually solve world hunger anyway, it will always exist in this reality even if you or i personally go to another one. at the end of the day, life isn't fair and i am just grateful to have discovered the void to live happily and am sharing this so you can too.

question: i'm worried about the wrong people finding out about the void state. honestly, me too! but i think this falls in line with my past two answers, if someone terrible happened to stumble upon this post and entered the void, i don't think they'd stay here, they will go to some other reality more likely, so i really don't think we have to worry about someone super evil getting to the void and doing something super heinous or whatever. but honestly i do understand the worry. at first when i discovered the void i thought i wouldn't share my success story once i entered because i wanted to keep the void as quiet as possible. but just remember two things: most people do not know about the void and if they do a lot of them will give up and not persist. second, someone really evil finding it will probably leave this reality (my theory).

question: why do people not show better proof. truthfully, i don't know, for me it's because i really do want to live a private life and a lot of stuff i manifested can't be proven anyway. if i show my bank account, it could be photoshop, if i show my new face it means nothing because i revised to always look this way, i can't prove i no longer have my autoimmune disease and the list goes on. i think people with more dramatic proof also want to maintain their privacy or go to other realities. perhaps there's even been people to show dramatic proof in this reality but they had to revise that they didn't because it was a mistake.

question: do you have any overall tips? just keep persisting. and personally, i think it's okay to try several methods at once. i know some people say if you try several then it "cancels out" like, if you try lucid dreaming and it doesn't work so you meditate it means you don't "believe" lucid dreaming can work for you so then that's why it takes you so long but i think you can just tell yourself "every method works for me so i will just keep persisting". another thing i recommend trying for a few days is setting your alarm to go off at different times so day 1 is 8am, day 2 is 7am, day 3 is 9am and so forth. each day set the intention to wake up BEFORE your alarm goes off, once you successfully start waking up a few minutes before your alarm everyday this is your tangible proof that your intentions are working. this isn't really a method but more so a confidence booster that worked for me to remind myself i'm in control and powerful. if you also try this i think after a few days you will feel more confident intending to lucid dream, for your meditations to work, for subliminals to work (whatever is your personal vibe) and you will get there easier hopefully!

question: did you ever do any official lucid dreaming methods. personally the only way i ever had a lucid dream was by intending before sleeping that i would lucid dream. but methods where you wake up by setting your alarm early and going back to sleep and stuff didn't work for me. i tried but due to my anxiety i would always wake up super alert or even stressed, so i could never relax enough. but they are successful for many people so there is no harm in trying.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Safe Keeping | 2

Part 1 2 3

"What say you, lady? Don't you think the Hound would make a fine husband? He would protect you, yes, and you would bear him many babes." I curtsy again but this time, my voice falters when I speak, "I- I think he would," I turn to my left, "Lord Sandor would make a fine husband... a fine father."

Sandor Clegane x Reader | 5k+ | cw: fem!reader, forced marriage, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, smut (dub con, primal play, PIV, rough sex), emotional unavailability, The Hound being abrasive, canon typical casual misogyny, baby fever, typos, etc.

A/N: you guys, i dont want to edit the summary from p1 so i wont. also for future me here are the asks i got for this fic [x] [x] [x] which is like 🤯 cos i thought id get 5 notes on this tbh HAHAH originally posted on ao3 but felt like posting it on here

Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @otteropera @poisonsage808 @glitterandgoldfinds

I refused to leave my chambers when I woke.

Not only had I cried myself to sleep, but I had woken with puffy eyes and ended up crying all over again. I was glad that my doting handmaiden was so fiercely loyal to me. Lucy didn't think my weeping childish. She was understanding and eternally on my side. I am immensely grateful for it; I don't know what I would have done without her.

She helped me bathe and dress and eat, then entertained me with gossip from the servants. For a while that was enough.

As the day passed though, my thoughts muddled and left me restless. I could not do anything but obsess over the fact my husband left me after wifing me up.

"Do you think he will come back tonight?" I mutter as I stare blankly at my reflection on the mirror.

Lucy ceases combing my hair and takes my chin in her fingers. Paired with a hand on my shoulder, she silently urges me to straighten my back from my seat. I do just that. She smiles at me through the mirror, "my lady, if you wish it, I will look for him and make him come to you."

I release a breath, "don't be ridiculous."

"I am not being ridiculous," she sets the brush down, "I am being serious."

I feel my throat tighten. My lips quiver but I refuse to break down in tears again. I shake my head rapidly, unwilling to speak, for I knew I would crack if I did.

Lucy frowns in concern then kneels down on my side, grabbing my hand, "my lady, I would die for you."

I screw my eyes shut and break into a whine, "please-"

"I owe you my life," she clasps my hand with hers and brings it to her cheek, "you freed me from my chains. You clothed me, fed me, and showed me kindness none of my masters have ever shown me before," she looks up at me with a solemn expression then repeats, "I would die for you."

I shake my head and lean into her, "live for me, Lucy. I've forgotten what's it was like before you and I don't want to remember."

She kisses my hand and presses her forehead on mine before standing, "I shall do as you command."

She stands behind me and gathers my hair back. She strokes my locks and offers me a smile through the mirror once more. I smile back at her this time around.

The comfort she offers me finally seeps through me as she massages my shoulders.

"I pray the gods will swiftly bless me with a child so that I will have other things to do than await my husband so helplessly and forlorn."

"Well, you said that he pleasured you," Lucy tilts her head, "women who have not been pleasured still bea-

Lucy is cut off by the crashing open of the door. She and I both whip back, hearts in our mouths as we stare at our Lord Clegane, who was staring right back at us.

"What's wrong with you?" he demands. The metal of his armor clanks. I eye the one Lucy tidied to the side, the one I undid the night before, and turn back to him. His brown eyes look at me with such intense accusation.

I feel my hands tremble. I cannot for the life of me find the words to speak. 

What did he even mean? How could he ask me this?

"No one has seen you all day," he says, "have you not left this room once?'

"She 'asn't," Lucy snaps, "milady has been feeling-"

"I wasn't talking to you, wench," the Hound does not turn to her when he says this. His eyes are very much still fixed on me, "I'm talking to my wife."

My wife. I look away. That's right, all that I am now is forfeit to him.

I gasp and turn back when I hear him marching over. Lucy places a protective hand on my shoulder and I find myself cowering into her touch. I clench my jaw and gulp when he stops in front of me.

He gazes upon me for the longest second of my life. He furrows his brows, "what's wrong with your fa-"

I flinch when he reaches out to my cheek.

Instantaneously, Lucy tightens her grip on me and blocks him, and Sandor cuts himself off and recoils before he can even touch my skin. He steps a few paces back then clenches his hand as if he'd gotten burnt.

We both evade each other's gaze. Sandor's eyes finally land on Lucy, "has she been crying?"

Lucy's blood boils. She hisses, "yes," then harshly pronounces, "milord."

Sandor turns away and twitches. He rolls his shoulders back and stretches his hands. He knocks on his chest plate. He looks to no one when he asks, "are you hurt?"

Lucy takes no care in masking her scoff or sigh. I take her arm and she watches me shake my head disapprovingly.

I do not look at anyone when I reply either, "I cannot say I'm not... lord husband."

A thick silence builds in the room within a moment.

When I dare too look at the Hound, he is already looking at me and suddenly speaks, "leave us, wench."

I turn to Lucy. She does not move an inch.

I give her an urging shake, but she is steadfast in her spot. Our Lord Clegane turns to her and grinds his teeth, "you will find I do not make habit of repeating myself."

I shoot up from my seat when Lucy presses forward and quips, "and you will find that I will not allow you to treat milady like this."

"Lucy!" I admonish, yanking her back.

Lucy glares daggers at him as I attempt to pacify and persuade her to leave us. Her eyes do not leave him as I sweep her out the room. I instruct her to walk around the gardens for a while then close the door after.

I press my back against the wooden surface as I look back to the man I was now alone with.

Sandor watches me expectantly. I do not say a word, for I did not know what he wanted to hear.

He finally breaks the silence, "you walk well enough."

I am dumbfounded by his choice of words. I dare not respond when I feel my lips quiver; instead, I nod quickly.

Sandor deeply furrows his brows. He shifts on his spot and chances a step in my direction, "why didn't you come out your room then?"

I lick my lips and shake my head. I turn away from him and mutter, "do I appear like I am in the state to be walking around when I look like this?"

"Like what?" he draws nearer.

I whip my head, "THIS!"

Sandor stops in his tracks. He looks at me, expressionless, "this what?"

I scoff in disbelief, feeling tears immediately soak my face. I whisper, "look at me."

"I am, with both eyes."

"And you see nothing?" I mutter shakily, "feel nothing?'

"Should I feel something?"

My chest sinks; it feels like it's caving in. He might as well gut me and spit on my bones. I turn to my feet and wipe my cheeks, "no. I suppose not."

Sandor curses under his breath. He rips at his collar, suddenly feeling his armour weigh down on him. He feels unbelievably hot. He clears his throat, "it hurts."

I look up at him.

"It hurts the first time, usually," he clarifies, "or in times you're not wet enough." He nods, "you were wet enough."

My entire being burns at his words, at his nonchalance. My face is searing in embarrassment and shame.

I want to scream at him, want to hurtle into him and demand to know why he left me, why he was so removed, but then I find the answers in my head. It dawns on me that he acted carelessly because he didn't care. He didn't want this. He didn't want me. All of it was forced. And so I hold my tongue.

Instead, I calmly explain, "my hurt is not bodily, Sandor."

Sandor's stomach rolls at the sound of his name.

"I was," I turn to space between us, "hurt that you left me. And-" I shake my head as tears rush from my eyes, "I've realized now that it's wrong of me to be."

I put a brave face on in spite of my weeping and hold his stare. The man is as stoic and hard as ever. I scoff at myself for feeling this way.

"Worry no longer, Hound," I open the door, "I will not cause you trouble again."

I step back and make way for him to exit.

He looks at me for what feels like an eternity then marches out the door.

"And have you-"

Lucy and I gasp and turn at once.

"-named it yet, Lady Clegane?"

I chuckle guilty, "Lord Varys."

The man nods to me in regard, "good morrow to you."

I curtsy to him, as does my handmaiden. Lucy lifts her skirt as inconspicuously as possible in hopes to block what was behind her.

Varys catches this and waves his hands, "there be no need for that, my dear. The stray is an obedient one, isn't it?"

I share a look with Lucy before we step back and reveal the dog behind us. Daisy was panting and wagging her tail. She had her front paw bent, for it had been broken and healed that way. I had a maester examine it. In the end, he said it was pointless to put a split because it would not fix her leg and Daisy just kept chewing it anyway.

Daisy closes her mouth and sniffs the man.

"Ah," Varys smiles at the creature, "may I pet it?"

Lucy nods and eagerly explains, "she's Daisy; she is incredibly sweet, milord."

Varys cheerfully scratches the crown of the dog's head.

Though he laughs, my own face contorts into an opposite expression, "please make no note of it to my husband."

Varys looks at me exaggeratedly, as though he was offended.

I continue, "she makes me happy."

"One does not need to be told that to know," he presses his lips together. He links his hands, "I imagine you must be rather heavyhearted since the arrival of your womanly bleeding."

I drop my gaze upon hearing this. The master of whispers truly knew all. Lucy turns to me, then back to him, "milord, it's not proper to mention these things."

Varys measures my reaction before turning to Lucy, "yes. I suppose one such as myself has no business speaking of such things." He raises a finger, "still, if you should ever need assistance with that or your stray, know that my services are available to you, my lady."

I smile at him and nod, "I thank you for it, Lord Varys."

With that, he walks away.

"Do you think he will tell him?" Lucy asks as she grabs my arm.

I sigh and turn Daisy.

I've only had her for few days but she's given me purpose. I named her Daisy because she turned up from a bush of daisies while I read in the gardens. I was shocked, puzzled with how she got there, and a little scared she would bite me. When I noticed her injury, I figured she must be very weak and offered her food. She had my heart the moment she licked my fingers.

It was fate, I figured. I had not read in the gardens since the Hound berated me for it, and she came out of nowhere. When I imagine what would have happened to her if anyone else found her, I dread to think of the fact she could have been struck dead. The gods must have sent her to me, to remedy my sorrow and fill in for the absence of my Hound.

I was meant to save Daisy, and she was meant to save me.

I shake my head, "I'll have someone keep her tonight."

The Hound stops in his tracks when he witnesses what he does from afar. A blazing fury engulfs him as he watches two women walk away. The guard, who was spoken to, ogle their figures as they did.

Sandor laughs under his breath, but of course, nothing about this situation was funny to him.

He immediately charges when the guard is left alone, stupidly attending to an open crate-- he'll fucking bash it into his skull.

The guard goes back to his post and spots the approaching giant. At first, he is unfazed by the Hound but fear quickly finds him when he realizes he was heading straight for him.

He does not speak. The Hound simply grabs him by the chest plate, lifts him up and slams him on to the stone wall. He was angry-- worse, he was irrational.

"Why was she speaking to you?!" he snaps, "what business do you have with her?!"

The guard does not waste a second in spilling his guts, "Lady Clegane paid me to watch her dog!" He sounded like he was about to piss his pants.

"What?!" he seethes.

"The crate! The crate! There's a dog in the crate!" 

Sandor shoves him away and walks toward the crate. Lo and behold, the Hound sees the mutt, fur a light shade of brown, tongue out as it pant, right arm curled up.

He draws his sword.

Lucy and I head back to my chambers after eating supper. Our chattering is abruptly cut when he step in and see the Hound's hulking figure.

To say I am shocked is an understatement. I am terrified. He has not come to my chambers since the day after our wedding night, and now, here he was after Lord Varys confronted me. I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat, "my lord, I-"

"Don't you have one too many dogs now?" he growls.

Lucy is unable to hide the sound that leaves her mouth. My eyes begin to water as trepidation rips up my neck. I whisper, "Sandor."

Sandor flinches. He huffs, "what were you doing with it? You playing dolls with it, girl?"

"I saved her!" I explain with a shaky voice. "I fed her, gave her water-"

"Its leg is broken. You keep it in a crate. It's mercy for me to kill it."

Lucy gasps. My stomach drops and I run up to him, "no. Please. Please, tell me you didn't-"

I start when I see something move on the bed. I let out a shaky breath when a bark echoes in the room. I had never been more relieved to see Daisy than now.

Sandor growls, "OFF!" He marches to the bed and charges at the her. I shriek and grab his arm, holding him back. Of course, I nearly shoot forward for what was my strength against his? Still, he turns back to me and huffs. Daisy jumps down the bed and comes to my side.

Lucy grabs her and leads her to the corner of the room.

I continue to beg, "please, don't kill her. Please, I beg of you."

"You pay the guards to watch the mutt," Sandor yanks his arm away; the action hurts my hand. He seethes, "you're better off selling the bitch to a butcher as pig food."

I wail, "it was only this time! I have kept her with me since before." I drop to my knees, "please, I will ask nothing more of you," hot tears burn down all the way down to my chest. "I beg that you just let her live."

Sandor steps back and looks down at me. I can see how pathetic he thinks I am at this moment, and yet I find myself unable to care.

"You will ask me nothing more, aye?" he scoffs. His lips curl, "don't you want a child?"

My expression drops.

"You would rather save the bitch than have a babe?"

I am unable to speak. 

Why is he doing this to me?

"Well?!" he demands.

I screw my eyes shut when some of his spit sputters to my face. I turn to the floor, "she's been keeping me company in your absence. She's-"

"Ah, so that's why she feels so comfortable on the bed. You sleep with her."

I look up at him, about to explain that she sleeps on the floor and has never done that before. I do not have the chance.

"Well then keep your stray," he scoffs, "and have it fuck a babe into you."

The Hound storms off right after.

He grips his hand and his hilt as he marches away.

He should have killed it, he shouldn't have hesitated. The only reason he did was because it didn't flinch at his sword. The mutt was so dumb it had no fear. It even propped on the crate and tried sniffing the steel. Brainless.

His insides feel like they were boiling.

He knew the little girl would weep if he killed it, yet he didn't and there were tears anyway. He curses loudly. It reverberates in the hall.

He should have killed it.

Now it was too late.

"I see you make friends even with stray cats now, my lady."

I look over my shoulder after the cat I was petting runs off because of the voice. Lord Baelish comes up to me, sparing a quick glance to the orange feline that jumped down the wall. He turns back to me with a smile, "pardon me, Lady Clegane, I did not mean to frighten the kitty."

I shake my head, returning a soft smile. I wrap my arms around myself, still not entirely used to the light fabric and freeness of the dresses I've been wearing lately, "it's alright, my lord. The cats do not like people."

Baelish walks in front of me and smiles wider, "they must see you their goddess then."

I shake my head and give a soft chuckle.

"Where is your hound?" he asks.

I stiffen.

He clarifies, "I mean the one with the broken leg."

I release a breath and look out to the view, "I had my handmaiden bathe her."

"Mmm," Baelish looks out to the view with me, "thus why you sought the cats."

A breeze brushes past us.

I do not turn to him, but I know he turns to me. He speaks, "one such as you should not be left alone or unaccompanied."

"Why? Would you hurt me, Lord Baelish?"

He chuckles, "and risk getting mauled by the Hound? I would not."

I watch as a flock of birds fly overhead.

"Other things perhaps," he says.

I do not respond to him.

A moment passes with nothing but looking and silence.

I feel his hot breath when he sighs deeply, "I remember clearly the day I first met you."

Baelish speaks my first name and it's enough to finally make me to turn to him. In truth, my name sounds foreign to me. Who I was has been long overshadowed by Lady Clegane... or, more accurately, the Hound himself.

"You were a vibrant flower. Your fragrance wafted through the room the moment you stepped in," he says, taking one step closer. "Being around you was a privilege; conversing with you, a prize."

I blink at his words, taking in the lines of his face, "and now," I clasp my hands together, "I've withered away, have I?"

His Baelish-blue eyes appear to be solemn. My lips part when he takes my hands in his. He speaks under his breath, "you are more radiant than ever."

I do not move an inch.

"Take heart," he speaks my name again, "hounds are crushed under heels of goddesses."

I pull away from him and shake my head, "do not speak blasphemy with me."

He laughs, bringing his hands behind him, "ever devout and god-fearing." He raises an arm, "shall we part ways by the stables? I will be heading out of the keep."

I debate for a moment. Ultimately, I offer polite smile and decide to agree.

We walk with no sense of urgency. I never knew Petyr to be one for small talk, and so I am surprised that he asks me about my dresses. In truth, I really shouldn't have been.

"Your dresses are Dornish, are they not?" he raises a brow.

"Dornish-like," I clarify, "it was my usual tailor that made my new dresses. I feared if I asked a Dornish tailor for a modest silhouette, I'd be colder than I am now."

We share a soft laugh.

He shrugs, "the style suits you still," he smiles. "Undoubtedly, the Dornes would love to dress you in their more traditional clothing."

I purse my lips and raise my brows, "wouldn't you like that, Petyr?"

He chuckles, slightly in disbelief by the casual referral. He raises his hands, "I said the Dornes. I am not Dornish, my dear."

When we reach the stables, I stop in my tracks, not because we're about to depart, but because his words freeze me in my spot.

"Surely, our Lord Clegane finds it hard to keep his hands off you."

I do my best to stay neutral, to not give myself away. Baelish holds back a smirk.

"Wouldn't you like to know what me and Lord Clegane get up to?"

Baelish laughs, "if I'm being honest, I do."

I roll my eyes at him and nod dismissively, "farewell, my lord."

He nods back with a chuckles, "and you, my lady."

I promptly head to my chambers after this. As I walk on, however, I remember that another day has passed with me not seeing Lord Clegane. I am unsure if it was deliberate or coincidental, but it was the fact either way.

It had been a handful of days since my monthly bleeding passed. I was never a regular bleeder, and when it came this time around, it stayed longer than usual. I was glad with his absence then, in not needing to explain myself to my him. The moment it had finished, however, I expected I would at least see him once.

I did not.

This lead to my decision to be more... seductive.

And, well yes, or course, he yelled at me and told me to have my bitch fuck me instead-- truly, there was a large pit of dread in my stomach because of this, but people say a lot of things in anger, things they don't mean. He could not have meant that.

I rub my belly, willing the dread away.

I refuse to believe he meant that.

I suck in a breath and decide to head to the king's chambers.

Besides, I've been assured over and under that men really like making babies.

My breath hitches when I catch sight of the Hound, guarding the door. I see him do a double take when he spots me, and yet he gazes into space in the end.

"Good evening, my lord," I curtsy at him.

He grunts with exasperation, "what are you doing here?"

"I wanted," I measure my words carefully, "to request you not stay out late tonight."

The man turns his head fully to me, "what?"

I feel my throat itch. I clear my throat, "I was hoping that you come to my chambers before too late."

Sandor shifts in his spot. He eyes me up and down. I feel like I am being burned alive under his gaze.

He looks away and shifts back in place.

I open my mouth but I don't get to speak at all.

"Dog. Dog! Come inside, I-" King Joffrey calls but then ceases when he steps out of the room and sees me. 

I immediately curtsy, "my king. Good evening."

Joffrey raises a brow and demands to know why I'm here, referring to me by the house I was born into.

I offer him a smile, "I wanted to speak to my lord husband, your grace."

His face contorts in deep bewilderment. He opens his mouth and raises a finger, "why would you come h-" he turns to the Hound and stops himself. He breaks into a laugh. He laughs so hard that he clutches his stomach, "oh!" He wheezes, "oh, I've forgotten about that!"

King Joffrey calms down with a sigh. He from to his Kingsguard then to me, eyeing my attire. He chuckles under his breath as his eyes rake me down, "I see your wife has dressed to seduce you, dog." His looks up to my face, "or wouldn't that make you bitch?"

I do not respond for a moment, put on the spot by his malice, but then my wits finally meet me. I curtsy to the king, "I am what my king makes me to be."

Joffrey laughs airily. He shakes his head, "my, dog," he turns to his guard, "I've truly matched you well," he pats his shoulder plate, "too well, in fact."

He then retreats into his chambers, calling out as he did, "you're dismissed, dog. Breed your bitch as you like."

The door slams shut.

I release a breath once the king leaves, clutching my belly as I did so.

Sandor does not move an inch from his spot. He does not look at me.

I begin to get nervous all over again. I try, "husband?"

"You think I'll answer to your whistle just because you're dressed like a whore?"

My face hardens. I look away from him. I mean I expected as much.

I swallow the lump in my throat, "I only wanted to please you-"

He scoffs.

I look back at him, "I will dress more modestly if it is what you'd like."

"I'd like not to see you whoring around."

I am unable to withhold my scoff, "I am what my lord makes me out to be."

The Hound finally spares me a glance. I glare at him as I curtsy, "apologies for the impertinence." I turn on my heels and walk away. My anger and vexation gets the best of me. I cannot help but jeer, "if my dress angers you so, take it off me then."

Sandor shifts on his spot.

I continue down the hall.

His lips curl as he growls lowly, "run."

I do not hear anything but my own grumbling.

"Run, little girl!" he barks, making me jolt and turn back to him with a scowl. The irritation is apparent in my face as I stop at the end of the hall, "what?"

The Hound begins to march over. My heart races as I hear him warn, "run, if you know what's good for you"

I begin to shuffle back.

"I'll tear that shit off your body when I catch you."

I break into a sprint at the sound of his threat.

I don't look back. I heave heavily as I rush down the halls. I don't hear him chasing after me, though once I'm far, I see him treading fast as the times he's dragged me by the arm. My stomach flurries with anxiousness and regret.

When I reach my chambers, I mentally debate whether or not I should lock the door. I gulp at the idea of him breaking it down. I decide I do not want a memory such as that to be branded into my brain.

I gasp when he bursts into the room. I grip my skirts from the edge of the bed where where I sat.

The Hound locks the door before walking over to me. He grabs my shoulders and shoves me down on my belly.

I squeak when he grabs my skirts and rips it all the way up my ribs. He scoffs, "fucking parchment."

I hear him grab something by my vanity. I do not dare to look at him. I proceed to hear him undo his armor and his clothes.

I hear a pop. I yelp when he grabs my smallclothes and yanks them down. I groan into the cushions when I feel his fingers toy with my folds.

"Don' fink you nee' vis," he speaks like something was in his mouth. He pulls his hand away and suddenly the smell of my lavender oil assaults my senses. I hear a squelch. Something is thrown to my side; it's my vial.

I squeak when he grabs my hips. He sighs, "you're ready on your own." We both make noises when he begins to thrust into me. The Hound growls, "little girl likes to be chased."

I am shoved into the cushions. My entire body tenses.

"You want to dress like a whore," he taunts, "I'll fuck you like a whore."

His tempo is brutal and harsh. He does not relent or give me leeway. It's strange and shameful that my body even feels tingles of pleasure.

I cannot help the screams that rip out of my throat. Had I not been faced down on the cushion, I fear that I would have woken the dead.

I call out his name when he hoists my hips up. My toes could no longer touch the floor. He begins moving faster. My hands dig into the sheets. I feel my eyes water.

The Hound howls. He shoves me down and suddenly my feet are on the ground. He plunges deep, it makes my eyes roll back. His thrusts become increasingly irregular and after with a few more slaps, he stops.

I catch my breath, thanking the gods he's shown mercy.

I whine when I feel him pull away. I gulp and shift on my spot. I anticipate his next movements. I hear a rustle. I lift my head up and look back at him, confused by the sight of him tying himself up.

Was... was it done?

"Don't think to have that dress mended, girl," he pants as he grabs something from the floor. I roll on my back, feeling uneasy because of the wetness between my thighs. I watch him unlock the door and slam the door on his way out.

All hells were breaking loose. King's Landing was under attack, the castle was on fire, and Stannis Baratheon was winning.

All the women and children holed up in the queen's retreat chamber spilled out to gods know where.

My mind was racing, yet all I could think was: run, flee, Lucy, Daisy, Hound.

I was already running. I was already fleeing. I was doing both with Lucy in my grip. I had Lucy, but I did not have Daisy.

We were running up to my chambers. I left Daisy there, my poor Daisy. We were fleeing up the stairs in haste, sparing no time to catch a breath.

I had no idea what we were to do. We could bar the door, block it with our bed. Lucy and I could manage it, I think. Was it a good idea? Would it guarantee our safety? There was only one way we'd know.

I quickly open the door and lock it once Lucy and I are inside.

We take a moment to finally catch our breath. Lucy grabs my arms and I grab hers. I can feel her shaking. I rub her skin, "it will be alright. No harm will reach us here."

Lucy shakes her head, "milday, you and me both know that's not true."

My heart shatters when I catch the way her eyes water. "Shhh," I pull her into a hug, "have I ever failed you, Lucy?"

She seals her arms around me and whispers, "no."

"Nothing will happen to us," I rub her back, "I will protect you."

"And I, you," she pulls away, "as will Daisy," she wipes her tears before they fall, "and the 'ound."

We scream when we hear a voice in the room. We press our back against the wall and turn to the bed. A figure is sat on the floor by its side. What was said was, "your mutt is stupid."

Lucy and I clutch each other for dear life. I recognized that voice. I muster the courage to tiptoe towards the figure and breathe out shakily when I confirm the presence, "Sandor?"

The man turns to me as we walk up to him. Sandor had Daisy on his lap. She looked up and blinked at me before closing her eyes. She was being pet a bloody hand and did not mind at all.

"She was jumped on me when I walked in. She looked excited," he turns to Daisy, "stupid bitch. Anyone else would have chopped her up."

I find myself releasing a breath of relief. Here now was Daisy, and Hound. I had nothing left to think about.

I walk up to him, kneeling on his side. He turns to me. I examine his face, dirtied and bloodied, "are you hurt?"

He looks at me for a moment. I watch him slowly raise his hand. He cautiously touches my cheek. I clutch his wrist in my hands. He swipes his thumb on my skin, "save your tears." I didn't even know I shed them. "None of the fuckers got close enough to try."

He draws his hand back. He grunts as he gets to his feet. Daisy moves back, wobbling on her three legs; I move back too.

"Take your valuables," the Hound grunts, "we're fucking leaving."

I pull my head back. I watch the man survey the room.

Lucy runs up to my side and she wipes my cheek with her skirt. She watches the red collect on the fabric and wonders who it belonged to. She wagers it's not from her lord.

I shake my head in confusion as Sandor grabs a satchel and stuffs my jewelry in it, "I don't understand. Aren't you going to fight?"

"Fuck the fight," he quips as he shoves objects down and raids through the drawers and closets.

Lucy finishes wiping my face. I walk off and grab all my hidden pouches of gold. I hand it to Sandor, "what about the king?"

"Fuck the king," he takes the pouches and stuffs it into the bag, "fuck him especially."

Sandor then chucks the satchel to Lucy, who grunts when she catches it.

"The stupid fuck's done nothing but fuck around," he picks up Daisy, propping her front legs on his shoulder, "no good thing's come from that fuck." He takes me by the hand and mumbles, " 'cept for one."

He releases me only to unlock the door and hold me again. He does not let me go until we reach the outside of the keep.

The whole lot was in disarray; dead bodies, debris, and fire littered the scene. He hands me Daisy, and I struggle slightly to carry her, considering she was not a small breed. He walks not too far off and brings a wandering horse over.

It's a wonder we do not encounter anyone on this side of the castle, more so that we find a horse.

Sandor takes Daisy and puts her down before helping me mount the steed. My stomach rolls with how his touch lingered on my thigh once I was on.

Next, he took the satchel from Lucy and handed it to me. He then eyed her when she stepped forward, as if debating whether or not he wanted to bring her along. Before she or I could speak up about it, Sandor is already helping her climb up behind me. Lucy takes the satchel from me and eyes him after. He rolls his eyes.

He picked up Daisy and tried handing her to me. However, she struggled too much and could not fit in my arms, so he cursed and threw her back onto his shoulders. He grabbed the horse's reins and started walking.

"Fucking bitch, fucking wench, fucking horse, fucking war, fucking-"

[themanymoodsofben]

I don’t see myself finishing this anytime soon, so for now @frillsand , please accept this trash screenshot of what I currently have done. Hahah.

[circe69]

heyyy! i love ur writingg sm I recently discovered ur blog - (I also love ur biooooo!), I had this idea and I thought I would share it w you!

imagine reader is simon’s wife/fiancé and a medic, and like an old married couple, reader tells Simon off in front of the rest of the 141 and he’s like lost for words 😭😭 that’s all, I just wanna hear your thoughts hahah! much love 💕

aww thanks so much anon! you're very sweet :3 hopefully this was what you wanted! sometimes i get requests and just run with it...lol enjoy!

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"You seriously should not have done that, Ghost. What were you thinking out there?" You shouted as you walked into the shared kitchenette. You were following Ghost and trying to keep up with his large strides, but you were not even close to catching up.

"I was being careful, Y/N, but even if I wasn't, that's what I signed up for when I took this job." He slammed his handgun on the table and started ripping off his vest and gear in an inpatient manner. You were too distracted to notice that the rest of the troop was also in the kitchen, eating quietly as you entertained them with your bickering.

"Look, I'm just trying to make sure you know you don't have to-" You paused, "risk your life all the time." You were making a cup of coffee as Ghost caged you in from behind, pressing his chest against your back and kissed the side of you neck carefully, slowly. All you heard was the clearing of throats, most likely coming from Soap, and the heartbeat steadily thumping from Ghost's chest.

"Don't worry about me so much, Miss Medic." He started walking away as you slammed your mug down on the counter, "Well, you can't just tell me to not worry about you! For goodness' sake, I would've killed myself if you'd died." Tears were starting to brim at your waterline, and they would've poured if Captain Price hadn't abruptly stood up, "Simon, a word?"

Ghost rolled his eyes, reluctantly following Price like a little kid getting in trouble. All you saw was the two of them walk into Price's office and the door shutting behind them.

You turned back around to mix sugar into your now-cold coffee. "Don't worry about it too much, miss." Soap said as you sniffled, "As brilliant as the man is, he doesn't think he's worthy of being looked after."

Soap got up from his seat, folding the newspaper he was reading, and walked over to you. Putting his hand on your shoulder, " 'Ts not his fault though." He patted a few times before sliding the newspaper underneath your coffee mug, letting the spilled coffee soak through the material.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

"Simon, you have to remember why that woman does what she does. It's not 'cause she needs you to be unwounded for insurance reasons, it's not like she needs you alive to stay hired. That woman loves you," Price said, pointing at the door signaling he meant you, the said woman standing in the kitchen.

Ghost sat down in a chair, leaning his elbow on an armrest and leaning his head on his hand.

He sighed aggressively, "I know." He rubbed his face with a gloved hand before he repeated, "I know, Price."

"Well then, do something 'bout it!"

Ghost looked Price in the eyes for a good minute before nodding slightly and standing up from his seat and opening the door to the kitchen. Price sneaked out from behind him, leaving the kitchen after whispering, "There's some paperwork that's calling me." Simon smirked knowing good and well that every paper he'd need was in the room they were just in, but quietly watched as Price walked off into a different room entirely.

You sat at the table, with your cup of coffee and blank eyes staring into space. Ghost stared back at you, hoping some satellite would signal to your brain that he was sorry, that he really did love how you needed him, but staring alone wasn't going to get through to you; he was going to have to speak.

He sat down in the chair across from you, the metal screeching at his size, his knees slightly bumping the table and making your coffee ripple.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. You finally looked up at him, resting your head in your palm. He loved the way your cheek looked smushed against your hand, the way your eyes looked at him when you wanted to say something but didn't know exactly what.

"It's okay. I was probably being a bit overprotective. Over someone that doesn't really need it." You said, gently placing your foot on top of his giant boot underneath the table.

He smiled at the action and started slowly bouncing his foot up and down, moving yours on top of his. "Who said I don't need it? I get into trouble all the time, you know that."

Chuckling at the thought, you said, "You're reckless," underneath your breath. He noticed, however, "So bloody reckless," he repeated as he stood up from his seat and circled the table around to you.

Ghost towered over you, and as you stood up, he still was over a foot taller than you. His chest was at your eye level, and he loved the way your chin upturned in order to look at him properly. Sometimes he'd pick up your jaw for you and hold it in place with his giant hand.

"You forgive me?" He said, leaning down to your face.

"Of course." You stepped a little closer, slightly teasing him by pushing your body against his.

His finger met your jaw, tracing the soft outline of it, while staring dead at your mouth, "Good." Ghost started to lean into you even more and put his lips on yours until the door opened, "WAHOOO THEY MADE UP! GAZ GET IN HERE NOW." Soap exclaimed at the sight of you and Ghost in close proximity, the way you should be. You heard Gaz running down the hallway, his dog tags rattling against each other before he slid on his toes into the room. He slammed a hand on Soap's chest, "See, I told you they'd be fine. They're practically already married anyways; nothing could break the old geezers."

[indecenthoney]

Take a Joke

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You can find my other stories here!

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“And for the 5th time… I have things to do… The outside seems nice and all… but I just need to get these things done… The deadline is coming up and if I don’t finish… They’ll be on my ass for not finishing my part…”

“But you promised…”

“I know… I know… But I won’t be able to enjoy myself… If I’m stressing out this much… Listen… You can hang out all you want in my house… but I’ll be by my desk doing my work… Alright? And when I’m done we can do something together… Okay?”

“Fine… God you’re such a workaholic… Hehehe… You know… if you’re so stressed out… I could always… give you some head… You know? Release some tension… Just pop it into my mouth a little and you’ll be melting… Please daddy please~” 

“I- Y-you… Shut the fuck up… I don’t need head… What I need is to get this done…”

“Mm… You sure? Kinda stuttered there for a bit… You don’t wanna slap it on my tongue? Not even a little?”

“Again… Shut up… Go make yourself comfy and wait for me…”

“Fineeeee… You’re no fun!”

With every brooding individual, there stands a person who exudes sunlight and happiness. After all, opposites attract do they not? Well, my friend is a bit more open when it comes to physical contact. Or flirting for that matter. Not that they mean any of it. We’re just two friends that happen to hang out a lot. And with that comfortability, they simply love getting a rise out of me. You have to understand. It just kind of throws you off when you’re constantly asked to cum in their mouth. Like the image wouldn’t plague your mind. And now I’m just sitting here at my desk thinking about how badly I want to feel their lips around my cock. The unruly pressure in my pants obstructing my thoughts. Can you see what I’m going through? I couldn’t help but watch them from the corner of my eye. Laid flat on the bed, messing around with their phone. Her skirt slowly riding up her pretty legs-

“You knowwwww… You’ve been sitting there for a while, bud… Hahah… We’re never going to hang out if you keep staring at me like that… You sure you don’t wanna fuck me and get it over with? C’mon, just the tip? Pretty please? Push the panties to the side and rail me into the mattress… Hahahaaha… The look on your face… You wanna fuck me so bad… It makes you look stupid…” 

This little cock tease has been going at it since forever.  I am the sole victim of her little jokes. I know we’re friends and she’s comfortable with me. But I’m just a man. I can only take so many “invites” until I do something about it. It’s a joke. I know it’s a joke. But I think it’s about time I gave her a taste of her own medicine. You know? Scare her a little. What if the poor thing ran into someone who wasn’t so reserved? 

“Yeah? And? You keep offering… Honestly… I’m starting to think you actually want me to touch you… It’s pretty pathetic… If you wanted me so badly… You coulda been honest…” 

“W-what? No-... I-... U-uhm… I was just… Hahaha… Uhhh… Y-you’re really close… Could you- H-hey… Y-your hands are cold… What’re you… F-fuck… N-not my… Mmmph…” 

Taking my place up beside her, I pulled her over my lap raising her ass into the air. My hands gently caressing the fine shape of it all. Her legs kicking and flailing in protest. In response, my thumb pressing down deep into her causing her to wince at the pain. Physically teaching her that any sort of rebellion would be met with consequence. Soon settling down, allowing me to do whatever I please.

“O-ow… That hurts…”

“Then stop moving around so much… Why are you so surprised? You were talking a lot of shit earlier… Don’t tell me you're backing out now? What? All bark? No bite? I was getting really sick of your little jokes… Now look at you… Hahahha”

“S-stop… I-it’s not funny… Get your hand out of my… Aaa- I-I’m serious… You can’t rub me t-there… Fu- Mmph…”

“I can’t? Hahaha… What’re you talking about? Yes, I can… Watch me… Fuck… God you’re wet… For what? Damnnnnn… Someone needed this…  If you were just honest… I would’ve helped you out, you know? What’s wrong? Don’t you wanna feel good? Wasn’t this your plan? To get me all riled up… I think it’d be rude to stop when you’re enjoying it this much… C’mon…  Just the tip… Lemme slide my fingers in… Pretty please? With a cherry on top?”

Holding her ass down, I firmly pressed my thumb along her leaky slit, tracing downward onto her. Jolts of pleasure surface as her back arches against my fingers. Subtle moans aim to resound, yet her face burrowed deep into my pillow. I watch as she bites down, preventing any more from escaping. A futile attempt as the tension in her jaw is reduced to a gaping, slobbering mess. The pillow now soaked in her saliva. With her panties pushed to the side, my fingers tease the opening causing her to drip even further. Leading me to believe that she needed more than just a slight rubbing. Slowly, I slithered my way into her. Wriggling about in the tight heat. The constant throb of her cunt, pulsing, as she wrapped around my finger. As if the embarrassment wasn’t enough, her juices gradually coated my hand and down my arm. The sweet, sweet sight of weakness. Turning the tables on her little game. I wanted to see more. I wanted to bully her. More. Pulling back from the slick wetness of her pussy. I navigated myself around more uncharted waters. Gently I ran my hand around the opening of her ass. Inching myself into her-

“I said stop it! I hate you!”

“O-ow… Fuck… Dude? H-hey… Wait… I- I’m sorry… I was just… playing around… I thought I was playing around… Shit…”

After my sudden gesture, she slapped me across the face, quickly storming out of the room. Her face flushed with anger as if shades of red were splattered across a canvas. I was surprised to see this side of her. The jovial little entity now seething with rage. A joke that went too far. And chasing her down would only aggravate the situation. I thought that leaving her be for a few hours would be the best choice, so that I may get on with my work. However, working at my desk wasn’t all that productive as she lingered in my mind. Just as I mentioned before, there was no point in enjoying myself if I was so stressed. Yet, the opposite could also be said. I couldn’t quite get anything done knowing my friend wasn’t feeling her best. I felt horrible. So I rung her up, but that proved to be no help seeing as she left her phone on my bed. With no way of contacting her, I rushed out attempting to catch up. Before even reaching the steps, I heard a faint voice echoing from one of the spare rooms. Peeking into it, I found her quietly pleasuring herself. The frustration in her voice as she rubbed. Eager fingers that tried so desperately to alleviate the ache between her legs. I was to blame for the erratic motion of circles to the sensually slow piercing of parting flesh. There she sat flooding, barely keeping herself together. A slave to her own desire. Entranced by her fervor, I made the greedy mistake of getting a better look. Nudging the door in the process. The silence of the situation made it as if the door was screeching open like a banshee. There I stood awkwardly. 

“H-huh? What the fuck! Dude! Were you watching this entire time?!? Y-you’re sick!”

“N-no… Okay… Maybe… a little bit… But before you go off… I was just worried… How was I supposed to know where you ran off to? You left your phone on the bed so I kinda rushed out to find you… And is it really my fault you left the door open while doing this? I mean… how else was I supposed to get your attention? Knock?” 

“Yes!”

“Oh… My bad… Hahaha… Either way, it woulda been awkward… But now that I have your attention! I just… I’m… sorry… I-I guess I took the joke too far and… did something I shouldn’t have…”

“You guess? Well then… I guess… you just have a bad taste in jokes…” 

“Huh?!? Excuse me? Listen here brat! You’re no better! Says the person that CONSTANTLY throws themselves at me… You say I have a bad taste in jokes… But do you even hear yourself sometimes? I was joking earlier about you wanting something like this to happen… But you need this, don’t you? That’s it, isn’t it? That’s why you're touching yourself in this quiet little room… Waiting to get caught…”

“No-”

“Oh? You know what… lift your skirt… You didn’t get to finish, right? What kind of host would I be if I left you here hopelessly fucking yourself?”

“W-wuh? I-I… I don’t wanna…”

“Lift… your… skirt… And I’m not going to say this again… You can either listen to me… or you can sit there and take it… Even if you beg and cry and cum your brains out… I simply will not… fucking… care… Now spread them…” 

A hint of hesitance, yet fear taking over. Curiosity pushing the boundaries, but pleasure numbing the senses. The idle gaze that longed for release, anticipated a brief moment, only to feel eternity. The look on her face gave it all away. She sat there waiting and waiting. Her patience wearing thin to the point her hips buck against my fingertips. In my sadistic nature, I retreat elongating this personal hell. Our faces now close in proximity, witnessing every whimper and whine that pleads for my touch. Tugging at my shirt, urging me not to wait a second longer. The greedy little brat that believes she deserves such solace. However, who am I to deprive her of such desire? Humbling hands that ran quick from tip to knuckle. Leaving but pools of proof. 

“You poor thing… Hahaha… And here you said you didn’t need this…”

“Mmmph- Y-you didn’t g-give me much of a ch-choice…”

“Right right… But does that really explain how much you’re leaking right now? Gripping at my shirt for dear life… Hahaha… How cute…”

“F-fuck you…”

“Ahahahahah… Wow… You know… you should reallyyyyy watch your fucking mouth… Especially when someone’s knuckle deep inside you… They might get angry, you know?” 

“Mmpph… S-stop… I-it hurts… F-fuck… Please please please… I-I’m s-sorry… I’m s-sorry… You’re being t-too rough… I’m going to c-cum… if you keep… Aaa-... d-doing that…” 

“Oh hun… I think you got me confused with someone that actually gives a fuck…”

“I h-hate y-you… Aaa-”

“Woah there… Let’s not say anything we don’t mean… You LOVE me! You wouldn’t be looking at me like that if you hated me so much… You wanna be mad but your eyes keep rolling back… Hahahah… Subby puppy… Hm… I’m sensing a lotta tension… Oh! I know what’ll make you feel better! Why don’t you tell me one of your little jokes? C’mon… Aren’t you going to ask me to stick it in? Hm? Put a baby in you or something? No? Hahahha… Jeez… Put up a fight, bestie… A couple of fingers in and suddenly your attitude’s gone… No wonder why you’re so quiet…”

“C-cumm-ing… Mmphh…”

“Awww…. Already? Couple minutes in… That’s kinda embarrassing… Poor baby… Yeah? Yeah? Is someone gonna cum? Mmmm… That’s it, sweetie… There’s no need to be shy… Buck those pretty little hips all you want… Just fucking cum already… Let go… Cum for bestie… Hahaha… Ohhh fuckkkk… Goood girl…”

“Aaa- F-fuck fuck fuck…”

“Shit… Hahahah.. I didn’t take you for a squirter… Well, aren’t you full of surprises… I guess you could say we didn’t see that “cumming”... Hahahah… Get it? Ugh… You’re no fun… Hey hey… Don’t go limp on me now… I’m not done with you… ”

“Mmmm… N-no more… P-please… I-I c-can’t… T-too s-sensitive…”

“You can’t be serious… All this teasing… Just for one teeny tiny orgasm… You’re funny! No no no… I’m here to make sure you get your fill… You said it yourself… You’ve been dying to hang out with me, no? Now you’re pushing me away… C’mon, bestie… What’s one more orgasm? Hm?” 

“W-wait wait… Haha… U-uh… Right right… y-you’re work… work… y-you need to g-get it done… I-I really shouldn’t keep you from your work…”

“Fuckkkk, you’re right… How could I forget? You’re so smart, hun… What would I do without you? However, that would be a problem if they didn’t already extend the deadline… Management has a way of setting impossible dates and extending them right after… Always trying to keep us on our toes… Make us work harder… But those idiots never learn… Though I guess we can thank them… A longer deadline means more time… And more time means you have my FULL attention…”

“N-no-”

“Yes! Now that you’ve run out of excuses… Why don’t you be a good girl and sit on my lap? Yeah? Or do you want to fight about it?”

Docile. No words or fits of protest. Just timid hands that reached across shaky hips. Freeing herself from her skirt. With hips, laid bare, she found herself atop me, pressing against my member. Her teary eyes solely fixed on my lap; resisting the unsavory urge to twitch and grind. Nerves shocked to a standstill. Yet softness clears way from worry. My hands brush along her cheek, tracing down her collarbone, and finally feeling up the suppleness of her chest. In turn, her breaths begin to calm and her heart settled. And with this, back into motion as I cradle her hips. Back and forth. Forward and back. Slowly getting used to the hypnotic rut. Her palms placed evenly among my frame giving her the balance to move from her languid state to a more feverish need. The growing confidence to get off on her own terms. The audacity after all her reluctance. My thumb now applying pressure, rubbing gentle circles to remind her of her place. Truly the calm before the storm. Her movements stutter and jerk at an unrelenting tempo causing her to finish quickly, once again in an unsightly manner. The incoherent pleas that begged for mercy overshadowed by the gentle coo of my voice cheering her on. The brainless mess that filled my lap, losing composure with each release. Watching every single orgasm come to pass. Forced to sit and repeatedly cum for my sick enjoyment.

“Oooh fuck… Look at you all blissed out… Did we finally get it out of our system? Hm? Do we need another? No? You sure? Alright... Finally got what you wanted… Yeah? Hahahah… What do we say when the nice man makes you cum?”

“T-th-ank you… S-sir….”

“Well, aren’t you fucking perfect? That’s a good girl… Mhm… It’s okay… You can relax now… I got you… Hush hush… No more… I promise… You’re all cummed out… Such a good job, hun…”

--------------------------------------------

Yours truly,

GM

[xxsycamore]

Ok third one. I'm way too enthusiastic for this sorry💀

Napo + masturbation

what if i told you i have a fic about this in my drafts that is only written up to the actual masturbation part but i kind of scrapped it because i made him too lonely to the part where it looked sad just straight-up lonely and jorking it HAHAH i messed up the vibe and it needs reworking and i hate doing that ! but maybe someday.

Napoleon + masturbation

I'd say Napoleon isn't much of the regular jerking-off type. Although he listens and caters to his body's needs - he sleeps to his heart's content without much care, he cooks his own food whenever he feels like it, eats crepes to his heart's content, takes mind-clearing rides at any time he needs them. He's still getting used to having so much time for himself in his hands. He might find himself rushing to get done with his shower and have a sudden realization like wait, I can rub one out, I'm not hurrying for anywhere.

Would he take things slow and enjoy himself? Probably. I think he has those lazy moods where he'd be all in for edging himself and exploring sexual fantasies, but at the same time, he's also someone who can't sit still for longer periods of time. We know he finds quite a lot of activities to keep himself busy with, from helping with the chores at the mansion (tending to the stables too) to teaching kids at his and Isaac's école, to (probably daily) fencing exercises with Jean, to giving bodyguard gigs at balls. So I think he keeps the balance with being lazy in the mornings, claiming some time to appreciate this luxury that he now has. He's grumpy, being woken up by some resident who nudges his shoulder and then takes five steps back to shield themselves from his kissing habits. They shout something at him and leave, and Napoleon now has to fight the urge of going back to sleep, on his own.

A healthy young man such as him, it won't be surprising if his cock is awake long before sleep releases its grip on his mind... it makes him restless as he turns on his back, clicking his tongue at no one in particular, sleepy jade eyes opening to stare at the ceiling... soon his hand travels south to give his cock a firm tug, groaning at the contact. He releases his hold immediately though, letting it spring back against the skin of his belly. He's too sleepy to jerk off, too horny to go back to sleep. By the way yeah, I think he's in the habit of sleeping naked (there was one event story where MC entered his room while he was asleep and was all like "Why are you naked!" - maybe she refers to just his upper body though?) so it makes it easier for him to have a spontaneous morning jerking off. After a bit he turns on his side again, and the covers are grazing past his rock-hard cock juuust in the right way, so he rolls his hips lazily once, and then twice, and it suddenly becomes a real problem. So he says fuck it and pushes off the covers, loosely wrapping his fist around the head of his cock and fucking into it. He doesn't think of anyone in particular, just a nice warm mouth wrapped around his girth, cheeks hollowed out and tongue held out as he thrusts his hips into the willing warm and soft cavern. It's not long before he's cumming in his hand, letting out a satisfied moan and running the fingers of his other hand through his hair to move it out of his forehead, body temperature high and naked chest heaving. A nice cold shower is going to feel amazing for him afterward. The residents might think he becomes a different person once he's past his grumpy wake-up stage but they don't know the secret behind his content little smile.

He also jerks off after his sparring sessions, when the adrenaline is still racing in his blood and the hormones heighten his libido.

Reading erotica is not beyond him either, though he might have an issue with it being too far from what gets him going, with how modest yet dramatic it sounds. He'd enjoy pornographic material that is both deeply intimate and dirty at the same time.

So how does it change for him after he starts dating you? His sex drive is probably skyrocketing, and you can't be available to take care of his morning erections all the time so of course he still has to deal with it himself once in a while. It becomes more interesting now though, because the risk of someone re-entering his room because "are you STILL sleeping, Napoleon?" becomes a dangerously alluring chance of making you catch him, "accidentally". Though he's not without shame. If he expects you to walk on him, if he has that sort of control, it would be very turning-on for him. If he doesn't - if he's caught red-handed with a pair of your underwear or another item of yours... he's going to be embarrassed about it. Frowning, blushing, the sexy ridge of his eyebrows knit together when he's so obviously worked up by it, yet trying to be nonchalant... you should tease him about it. About not being able to wait until he has you later in the day or about being crazy for your scent, about how he must be wishing for your touch that would be able to get him off so, so much faster...

5/10 "Fine, I was touching myself to the thought of you. Are you just going to stand there and watch how hopeless I am? I didn't think you were so coldhearted. Come here... at least let me breathe the air around you. I'll be over with this before you know it, so... indulge me, won't you?"

-> (ALWAYS OPEN) send me a kink & I’ll give you a headcanon and rating for Napoleon!

🦶foot fetish 🥵breeding kink 🥕pregging 😈dom/sub 🍈breast kink ⛓bondage 🩸period kink 👄marking 🐺predator/prey 🏙public sex 🤗praise kink 👅 cunnilingus 🍌blowjobs (receiving) 🚪getting caught

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

AHH HII I DONT KNOW IF YOURE TAKING REQUESTS BUT YOUR 2007 FICS ARE SO 💋😩🤌

i would LOOOOOVVEEEE to see how everything went down when leo actually came back.. would they tell him? would raph continue to do it? would she choose one over the other? AHHH SO MANY POSSIBILITIES if you’re not taking requests ignore this but i would beg you for some closure or just more spicy fics HAHAH🤭

Anger: part 2 (18+) (Angst)

2007!Raphael x reader (a little 2007!Leonardo x reader)

Part 1 / Part 3 Leonardo's Ending Raphael’s Ending

-----------------------

A/N: Thank you for your request! I’ve been so tempted to continue it, but I wasn’t quite sure how, as I can only see this situation end in a specific way. I decided to go in a third direction, bc let’s face it, everybody has made their own bed in this lol. And bc it is the 2007 TMNT, I’ve allowed myself to go extra angst. Hope you enjoy!💙❤️

------------------------

You and Raphael’s sexual relationship has taken a turn in the serious direction, but then an old missed face comes home, stirring up feelings once again, especially anger.

Warning: Sex as a coping mechanism, angry sex, angst, emotional betrayal, swearing, Leo and Raph being horrible brothers to each other, cheating?

------------------------

It had been almost a year. A year had passed since Leonardo’s training had ended, yet there was no sight of him. You clearly remembered the night you sat in your window, with a slight hope that Leo would come home. It almost felt wrong to think in such a way, especially after a year of sneaking around with his own brother. You had found Raphael’s pressens comforting, even if most of the time was spent moaning or calling out his name in ecstasy, with your legs spread wide or over his shoulder.

You really liked the time you had spent with Raph, even if he wasn’t much up for talking about emotions. He was there for you, in a way Leo hadn’t been able to in a long time. Yet, when you saw a familiar figure out on your fire escape, during the last hour of Leo’s return day, you were slightly disappointed to see Raphael instead. He too didn’t seem too happy. And that was the moment you realized that Leo most likely wouldn’t come home again.

That night with Raphael was way more passionate than what you had been used to with him. Passionate with an undertone of sadness, but intense. There had been very little dirty talk from Raph, yet his eyes spoke with more emotion than they ever did before. Same with his hips, as they thrusted into you with more focus and intention, instead of his usual rapid angry way.

Raphael stayed that night, like he had done so often up until that point. And as you woke up the next day, and began your obligatory morning sex, a change in your and Raph’s relationship was noted. Though still rough, it was not as hard as usual. Though there was still anger hidden in there somewhere, it was not as prominent as before. Sex between you and Raph was no longer a coping mechanism. It was no longer about the absence of Leo, but just about you and Raphael.

Sex in Leo’s room grew old long ago. After Raph had had you in every possible way on every surface of his older brother's room, it started to move into his own room. The first time he had you on his own bed, he felt like he had won a major victory in a long fought battle. It satisfied him to have your scent spread all over his room, in such a way that Leo had never managed to in his own room. With your legs over his shoulders, his hips pounding into you over and over again, and your hands holding on to him for dear life, he felt like the king of the world. How you would hold onto his head while his tongue was writing his name over your dripping cunt, or the way your mouth felt around his dick and how you worked to make him feel good. It was enough to make any man go mad. And that was almost what Raph did, whenever he sat around, waiting for the perfect moment to jump on you again without, the rest of his family noticing.

When Raph would come back home, after a night of crime fighting as the Nightwatcher, finding you sleeping in his bed. Waiting for him to come back home to you. Waiting for him to hold you tight before giving you yet another earth shattering night to remember. And unlike his brother, Raphael did just that. He came home to you to take care of you, just like Leo never would. Or so he thought.

Leo had to admit that he was slightly fearful as he stepped into the sewers. Even after what April had told him, he still feared the reactions that would come from his family. Would they be angry or would they be happy? He did not know. But the reaction he feared the most was yours. Leo first thought when he came to New York was to go to your place, just to see you again. But remembering how late it was, and not knowing what plans you had the next day, he opted to make his way straight to the sewers.

The first thing that met Leo as he stepped into his old family home, was the sound of his two youngest brother’s snoring. Both Donnie and Mikey sprawled out in front of the TV, pizza boxes laying all around them. Leo smiled at the sight, remembering what April had told him. They had jobs now, however that was possible for two mutant turtles. But because of that they probably needed their sleep, and therefore Leo decided it was best to leave them alone for now.

When Leo first stepped into his room, he was surprised by the smell that met him. The scent of you was very strong, almost jumping at him. Had you been touching yourself in his room? It touched Leo deep. A pang of guilt pinching his heart. But there was another smell. A familiar one, yet he could not place it. It did not seem to fit into his room, and definitely not with the smell of you.

After having placed his things in his room, Leo went down to the dojo. He had a feeling that Master Splinter was up and waiting for him there. So when Leo found his father sitting in the dojo patiently waiting for him, he sat down.

Raphael knew as soon as he walked out of his bedroom. He stopped in his tracks, feeling all sorts of emotions. Happiness, pleasantly surprised, confused, unsure, angry. Leo was home. His big brother was home. The man that had you first was home.

He went to the dojo and peeked through the open doors. The sight of his brother talking to Master Splinter was like a punch to the guts. They were talking like they did any other day, as if Leo hadn’t been gone for two years. Raph did not hear a single word they said. All he could think about was you, and how you would react when you knew Leonardo was back home.

Master Splinter said something, which prompted Leo to turn and look in Raph’s direction. The red clad turtle panicked a bit, not sure what to say. He ended up settling with a simple welcome home and that he was going to bed, before turning and waking up his brothers.

But Raphael did not go to bed. While Master Splinter and his brothers were distracted by Leonardo’s return, Raphael went straight to the apartment he had found himself in more and more often over the past year.

You were sleeping peacefully when Raph came to your bedroom window. If it had been any other night, Raph would have climbed in quietly through your unlocked window, before spooning you in your sleep, waiting for you to wake up. But not that night. Raph had thrown all his quiet skills as a ninja out the door, as he banged your window closed behind him, causing you to stir in your sleep, slowly waking up.

“Raph?”, you asked, rubbing your eyes as the named turtle started taking off his gear, in a way he hadn’t done for a long time.

Raph didn’t answer, but instead he slammed his lips to yours. You moaned out in pleasant confusion as your tongues danced together in your mouth. It had been a long time ago since Raph had been this rough with you, and you could not help but wonder what had caused it. But as he started pulling your underwear off, feeling how wet you already were against his fingers, you couldn’t help but moan in pleasure, enjoying this side of Raph you hadn’t seen in a while.

The sex that night was rough. Not unpleasant, but hard. It was like being fucked like the same way Raph used to do it one and a half years ago. Expect he didn’t talk dirty to you like he used to back then. This time he growled more than before, and would bark out  small sentences, such as “take it”, “look at me” and “say my name”. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy it, because you did. You had nothing against rough sex, and especially not the way Raph did it, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something had pushed him. The gripe of his hand around your neck as he fucked you sensless, made you think that he wanted people to notice someone had held you down like this. Like he wanted to prove something.

Raph was angry as he slapped your ass during doggy style, bringing his hands down hard against your flesh, one after the other, before grabbing onto your hips and thrusting into you like a drill. But he was not angry at you, but Leo. After all this time, how dared he come home now? After you and him finally were doing a little more than just fucking, he had to come and fuck it up. He just had to come and take you away from him one more time. But Raphael wouldn’t let that happen, especially not now while you were calling out his name, begging him to make you cum, just like you had done so many times before.

After three rounds, you thought that Raph would what had almost become a habit to him. To stay the rest of the night, and leave in the early hours of the morning, before his family would notice he had been gone. But to your surprise, Raph was already putting his gear back on, just as quickly as he had been taking them off.

“Raph?”, you asked, watching him in confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing”, he said, tying the knot on his belt. “Absolutely nothing”.

“But that’s not true, is it?”, you asked, getting out of your bed, while he acted like he didn’t hear you. “Somethings going on, isn’t there?”

Raph growled quietly in response, irritated that you could feel his anger. He tried to relax his fists as he turned to you, fighting to keep his expression neutral. “Nothing is going on, (Y/N)”.

But you didn’t buy it. You frowned your eyes, blinking at him a few times, and Raph knew he had no way out of this one.

“You know what? Forget it. It’s not something to bother you with”, he said, trying to sound as sincere as possible, before turning to leave out the window. You called after him as he climbed up the fire escape. You quickly put on a pair of pants before hurrying up after him, your bare feet against the cold metal of the fire espace. He might have been a ninja, but you wouldn’t let him leave so easily. First Leo and now Raph. You couldn’t let it happen again.

You caught up with Raphael on the roof, grabbing onto his arm before he could leave. He looked at your hand on his bicep, almost as if it was hurting. But he did not pull back. Instead he sighed as you continued to ask him.

“Please tell me what is going on, Raph”, you almost begged him, shivering in the cold wind of the New York night. “You can’t just leave like that, not like…” You didn’t get to finish that sentence, before another presence jumped onto the roof. A breath hitched in your throat as you recognized the shape of his face, shell and the katanas strapped onto his back.

Raph’s eyes fell to the ground as he took a long breath in. Of course he had to be here now.

“... Leo?”

Your expression and the way you said his name was almost enough to bring Leo to his knees. Surprise, hurt, sad, confused. You stared at him, wondering if you were dreaming, almost scared to reach out to him. Leo could only imagine how confused you must be at that moment. It hurt him, and it hurt him even more to know that he was the reason you felt like that.

“Hey, (Y/N)”.

Raphael bit the inside of his cheek, watching as you let go of his arm and walked to Leo. He had known this would happen. It was like watching the two of you a few years ago. I love with those eyes you and Raph was slowly building up over the days. He almost had what you and Leo had, just so much better. But then Leo had to come and ruin it. Not only did he come back and take you from him, but he just came back like that, leaving Raph feeling even more betrayed by his brother.

Leo opened his arms a little, ready to hug you like he had done so many times before. To comfort you in the way he should have done once his training had finished. Raph looked away, feeling the lump in his throat build up when...

SMACK.

Raph looked up at the sound, staring at the scene in front of him. Leo almost forgot to breathe. Eyes staring off into the distance, his cheek burning with a tingling yet painful sensation. You had just slapped him. Leo looked confused at you, only to be met by your angry expression and your teared up eyes. You wanted to slap him again, feeling all the anger from the unknown that had been building up over the past two years, finally boiling over. But you didn’t. Instead you started yelling, louder than Leo had ever heard you yell before.

“A whole year, Leonardo! A whole fucking year! Half a year without writing, and then you don’t show, and another year later you expect a hug!?”

“I’m- I’m sorry, (Y/N). They needed me, I- I had to”, Leo stammered, not sure what to tell you.

Raph was surprised. He had never heard Leo stammer and never in front of you. The fearless leader never stammered, not even when he was cold. But a slap to the face by you was what did it.

“And you never thought that I needed you?! Leo, I fucking waited for you everday, even after you stopped writing!”

“Like I said, (Y/N); I’m sorry! They- they needed me in the jungle! They were killing people! Innocent people! I- I had to stay there, I couldn’t just let people get killed!”

“And you couldn’t tell me that at least once during a year and a half? Leo, I thought you were dead when you didn’t come home!”

Leo didn’t answer that. Instead his eyes fell to the ground as he felt guilt eat him from the shell up. Why didn’t he write? He wasn’t sure. He did have the time. Was it because he at one point feared that everyday could be his last, or was it because he for a short time felt he did better saving people in the jungle, than he ever did as a leader for his brothers? He did not know. He had totally forgotten about you and how you must have been feeling while he was gone. Leonardo had fucked up big time, thinking he was saving people, all while leaving the girl he used to call his girlfriend alone in the unknown.

“And you!”, you yelled, turning to Raphael, pointing your finger straight at his face. “This is why you were so angry, wasn’t it?! And yet you didn’t tell me?! How long has Leo been home Raphael?! Huh?!”

Raph snatched your finger in the air, his blood boiling with anger. He just had to say it. Especially in front of Leo, now that you had been yelling at him like that. He just had to stump it further into the wound, even if it meant evoking your anger even further.

“As I recall you didn’t seem to mind me doing you angry while Leo was gone”.

Leo snapped his attention straight at Raphael with that comment. Then he realized. That smell in his room. It was Raphael. It was his own brother. His scent mixed with yours all over his room. On every fucking surface. The realization hit him even harder than any of your words had. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it.

“You didn’t”, was all Leo could choke out, feeling his hands shaking.

Raph cured himself and his own anger. He cared for his brother, but his brother never cared for him. Raph’s hurt and insecurities grew stronger than any rational decision he could make up.

“Every night and every day”, Raph said, letting go of you before turning his attention towards his older brother. “Hard and good”. You saw as Leo’s chest moved up and down as his breathing sped up, a fire burning in his eyes. You would be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. Because it did.

“You’re lying”, Leo growled.

“Why would I lie about that? For the same stupid reason you didn’t come home? Because guess what, while you were gone, being a hero in the forest, I took care of her better than you ever did”.

That was what broke Leo. In anger he drew his katanas, not even waiting for his brother to pull out his sai. Raph felt horrible for liking how angry he made Leo. As he dodged his brother's sharp blades, he pulled out his sais, ignoring how you yelled at them to cut it out. The battle that followed was intense, with you yelling at them to stop. But they didn’t. Not until Raph and Leo pinned against the roof.

It was there, staring down at his big brother’s hurt and angry eyes, Raph realized what he was doing. What he had done. Broken his trust with not just you, but his own flesh and blood. And now he was fighting his brother, ignoring the calling of the person he told himself he was doing it for. Just like Leo, he had fucked up. He had fucked up big time.

Raph didn’t know what to do. He was scared. Scared of his own actions against two people he cared for. Therefore he grabbed a hold of his sais and ran. For once he didn’t feel anger, but sadness. And Raph didn’t know what to do with sadness like this, except hiding.

Leo called out for his brother, telling him to call back. Not to fight. No, he knew just as well as Raph that he had fucked up. He had created a burning absence with no closure, and the two of you had found your own way to cope. He was naive to think you would still stick around after a year and a half without a single word.

Anger burns bright and hot, and kept unchecked it will bring down everything around it. And now you, Raph and Leo were all feeling the effects of that burning anger.

[the-siren-in-your-fridge]

So I love gravity falls, don’t get me wrong, but now that I’m an adult and a writer myself, I feel like one of the few things it fumbled was the Ford reveal. Anyone who theorized that Stan had a twin would have been written off for reaching, the “Gideon is a vampire” theory had more substantial evidence (I’m joking but also kinda not). The foreshadowing to the Ford reveal are things like “Stan finds an extra pair of glasses in the spare room” and “Stan’s license plate is ‘Stanley mobile’” which is kinda weak for such a clever show? They make no sense until you rewatch them, I feel like stuff like that reveal had to be something you could guess without sounding insane. No one pre-Ford reveal would have EVER guessed that Stan had a twin which made it feel a little bit like a cop out to me unless you REALLY reached for it.

Don't get me wrong, l like it, but for a show with so many details hidden in the background, it's a surprise that they didn't allude to it any better than that. No photos in the background with Stan and Ford as kids where the Stan half of the photo is covered so all you see is Ford, who looks wayyy nerdier than Stan would look as a kid, but there's no way it's not him, it looks exactly like him, just nerdier. Plus, isn't that weird, it looks like he has six fingers? Maybe it was an animation error. Besides, current Stan doesn’t have six fingers or a scar from a finger getting taken off. Maybe you get one scene where Mabel finds it and goes “HAHAH Grunkle Stan, look at you, you looked like such a dweeb!” And Stan snatches it out of her hand and grumbles something like “I’m the only one who calls Stanford Pines a dweeb.” Dipper gets confused and goes “you know it’s really weird that he was a nerdy kid, I wouldn’t have guessed that” and Mabel’s like “well he was really smart in college, right? People change.” Now the question is “what changed? Why isn’t he like that? It seems so opposite of how he is now.” It makes being hit with “he’s been masquerading as his twin brother” make a little more sense.

And never ONCE did Dipper say "my parents told me you're a well accomplished genius who had a lot of scientific potential and you CANT see how weird this town is?" only for Stan to get all withdrawn and go "that was a long time ago, it was a different life, things are different now.” Dipper, being a nerd, would definitely be intrigued by Stan's past as "an up and coming genius who suddenly went quiet for a while & now runs a bogus tourist trap" SOMEONE WOULD HAVE POINTED THAT OUT. DIPPER WOULD HAVE INVESTIGATED (Mabel probably wouldn't care because "come on dude, people change, and isn't he cool now?" but Dipper would care). And their parents never pointed out how weird it is that Stanford went from this genius his parents were so proud of to this weird reclusive conman?? That's WEIRD, right??? Isn't conman stuff STANLEY-level nonsense??? Maybe they didn’t know much about him since he’s their reclusive uncle or whatever, but surely they’d know the bare minimum about him. “Yeah he was a real genius back in his day, went out to study something, I don’t remember what, and he’s still out there” which would mean Dipper and Mabel finding this old conman who couldn’t even tell you the Pythagorean theorem is Weird For Sure

I just feel like they could have done wayyyy better in the build up. It wouldn’t have taken much time to establish something more substantial than “Stan freaks out when he sees Mabel’s wax figurine” (which I always brushed off as “wax figurines are scary and he’s a weird looking old man”)

[luffyvace]

Boa Hancock & Neferatari Vivi x female reader for women’s day!!

ik I’m late to women’s day guys!! But I’m still gonna participate! (Totally not an excuse to write for some of my fav op girls that I haven’t written much for yet)

Hancock x a fem reader would be like the ultimate alternative timeline to her not falling in love with luffy lol

let’s say your in the kuja pirates specifically,

that would make more sense as to how you got closer since your on the same crew and obviously get to interact with her more versus just fan girling in the crowd lolol 😂

just the same as luffy, she’d realized her love for you after getting worried for your safety and feeling ill (love sick 😀) mid expedition at the fact that you might be hurt

when everyone gets back to the boat she tried to unsuspectingly scope you out (tried because she was actually frantically searching for someone and wouldn’t say who as everyone panicked-) and as soon as she saw you she sighed in relief! But soon after, she started blushing and she felt a warm fuzzy feeling!

what was this? Is this what they call..? Love?!

it was such a joyous feeling..! She couldn’t believe she was feeling such intense emotions at your presence alone!

”Lady hebihime!! Are you all right?!”

”Lady hebihime!! Are you all right?!”

”Lady hebihime!! Are you all right?!”

”all right..!”

”right..!”

”right..”

Your words echoed over and over again in Hancock’s spinning head. You..we’re worrying for her?! Your so…kind!- So!- so!- your such a selfless woman!!

and yeah that’s pretty much how it went HAHAH

you can pretty much guess you’ll get special treatment from then on, she’s in love with you after all!! Naturally it’s her duty to protect her lover! 😊 (you haven’t even asked her out yet Hancock! - Glorisa)

she invites you into the palace and gives you the best food and treatment straight away!! Put your feet up dear! Are you hot? tired? Do you need water?? “Hurry up and bring the giant fans! My lover is hot!”

no pun intended even though you are 😉

“lover..? Lady hebihime..! May I ask what your talking about..😅”

”o-oh! W-well..I was just thinking…maybe…we could go on a date..?! ☺️😅”

“ME?? Hebihime!! I- I’m honored but what brought this about?! This is….strangely sudden, you know? Not trying to be rude!-”

”Hancock!”

”eh??- I mean!- hebihim-”

”Hancock!! Y-you..can call me Hancock..if you’d like!- I mean if you’d prefer to call me something else like a pet name, honey or dear m-maybe-…!”

”But!- hebihime-”

“-And to answer your question! What brought this about……I’m not sure myself…I have no idea actually, I found myself worrying about you and when I saw you again….When I saw you..! When I…..Kyaaa! 😍”

”Hancock!! Are you all right?! What happened!?

“ !!….You…! You!- You said my name!! This must be..! This must be!! What they call!- Engagement!~ 😍😍”

”huh?? 😀 hebihime?-“

“No! Go back! Don’t call me hebihime anymore!! We’re getting married next month so!- So call me by my name from now on! Okay honey?! 😍💗”

*mutters while being carried bridal style by Hancock* “I’m getting married…to the hebihime..😵‍💫💫”

and yes you actually did get married the next month :)

being the wife of the pirate empress is the liiiife 😎👍 you get whatever you want, whenever you want and however much you want of it!! Without a question! Your words are as absolute as sold gold on the island of women! Hancock will likely even ignore elder nyon/Glorisa for you <3

and yeah you can pretty much just imagine your dream life for the rest! Expect that to become your reality when married to Hancock bc even thanos snap can’t compare 🗿😭

Vivi is such an awesome girl - honorable mention okay? 😤👏

let’s say your not a straw hat tho :) just for funzies :3 imagine you’ve lived on alabasta just as long as she has and even infiltrated Baroque works with her. And also helped save alabasta!

best friends to lovers anyone?? Lesbian edition >:> 👩‍❤️‍👩 🧡🤍💖🏳️‍🌈

after it’s all said and done, and crocodile is defeated, you two say cya to the straw hats and you help Vivi rebuild her kingdom

somewhere during the time things start looking up as for alabasta’s cleanup, she confesses! Oops spoiler :}

“hey!!..I’ve been looking all over for you 😅”

“Oh hey Vivi! What is it?”

”oh nothing I just, well it’s not nothing…can we talk? Uh- you know..in private?”

”oh yeah sure! Come inside I was just cleaning up heheh, excuse the mess..”

“It’s nothing! Really, it’s fine no need to be so formal…we’re close, right?”

“Yeah :) what is it you wanted to talk about though? Is it something bad I’m nervous 😃”

”Oh! Nononono! Nothing bad nothing bad!-“

*sigh of relief* “hah, that’s good 😅”

*awkward yet adorable giggles come from both you and Vivi*

“well..what I wanted to talk about was…us, as in…who we are”

“Oh no Vivi don’t come out and tell me we’re aliens now we’ve barely finished cleaning up alabasta! 😭😂😂”

”what?? Hey! No! I-I’m trying to be serious here! 🤦‍♀️“

”OH! Oops 😄 go ahead go ahead!”

“I meant who we are as in, as a….relationship! Like- um..we’re friends right? Soo..if we could be……”

“Vivi..you mean..?”

”YEAH! 😭😅 I mean if- if we could be..more, if- if you want if not we can just stay friends-“

”No! I- hahah, I honestly never thought you’d ask, like- literally! I’ve kinda been waiting but you never did so is assumed-“

lots of awkward laughing and explaining of feelings ensue from there 💗(🏳️‍🌈😜)

actually being in a relationship with her includes training, yes training, because you never know what could happen. Just as crocodile happened and no one knew he would. So from now on she wants to be prepared, she refuses to be blindsided again—for the sake of her people!

she’s a cute mix of awkward, kind and a tad bit shy 💗 it’s like, she almost wouldn’t know how to act around you if you weren’t so close, but you are! So that makes things easier :)

she’s highly knowledgeable and I feel she’d have quiet a bit of hobbies. if you like to do similar things she’d love to partake in those activities with you! But if you have different interests, exploring each one as you teach her about them would be fun too! <3

Vivi is a literally princess, which means as her lover you get princess treatment! 😘 (all puns intended) She can afford it after all! Pell and Vivi’s father would adore you! You make Vivi so happy, how can they not?!

she talks about you more often than you know 🤫 “Dad!! Don’t tell her that!- it’s kind of embarrassing you know?!” oops Vivi heard him

well anyway 😊

Vivi is a very caring and protective lover as seen with Nami (when she stayed by her side the whole time she was ill). So of course that’s not any different when it comes to you, it’s highly likely Vivi knows first aid so if you get a minor injury? Be more careful!! 🩹❤️‍🩹💋 A major injury?! Hurry! Rush her to the royal hospital! Quickly! Giver her the best treatment! It’s okay, relax, she’s here 💖

Vivi will be with you through thick and thin and her loyalty is unwavering. She may not be the strongest banana in the bunch but she’ll certainly defend you with all she has if it comes down to it! 😤💪

Also!!! Can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet!!- Karoo!!!! Karoo loves you <33 Vivi thinks your bond is adorable, especially how Karoo always lets you ride on him :} you bring him snacks and drinks and he runs to you each time. If your tired of walking he’ll carry you without complaints as well so that’s a perk!

I feel the other spot billed ducks would love you as well! Karoo probably tells them how great you are 🤗 You might even like one of them enough to make them your duck! (I would, they seem cooler than a freezer 😎👍)

Okayyy~ lovely readers, followers and anyone new here..!

I hope you enjoyed these headcanons!!~

[minazusho]

I was going through songs on my old phone and came upon a banger that made me wonder, what if Jesse met Lukas and the other Ocelots at Hadrian’s games as contestants. I loved this episode and the concept so much but wasn’t super fond of the characters that came with, so it’s a little bit of a character swap (but ofc with Jesskas included)

To anyone interested, here are the simple designs:

I imagine Lukas being very skilled and confident, a good person at heart just like he is but with the influence of his friends, plus the desire to win and go home - he’s a little bit cocky but nonetheless incredibly charming. Lukas finds the idea of new contestants (Jesse, Petra, Ivor) rather exciting and interesting, and takes special interest in their leader - Jesse. He likes challenges and believes there’s no one who will beat him and his team, hence the name - Rival AU - having someone on his level to compete against would prove rather exhilarating to Lukas and definitely motivate him to show just how good he is (plus it’s the song name hehe)

On the other hand:

Aiden is Aiden. Rude, arrogant, hot-headed, however he is a good at the games (even if he isn’t the greatest team player at times). He is definitely someone people don’t like fighting against due to his offensive fighting style. He, unlike Lukas, hates the newcomers and gets super jealous seeing Lukas getting along with them, repeatedly tries to eliminate Jesse as he sees him as a threat in both the games and his relationship.

A little bonus design comparison next to each other, with their height difference:

I was drawing a little comic for myself with this au before but needed the designs and got way too invested in this whole thing so might as well share it all hahah

Once I’m done with the comic I’ll gladly post it and to anyone reading this, thank you for so much for your attention! :>

[laweyd]

Hi! How did you start putting your work out? Not in like a "publishing how-to" way, but in a "I'm ready to just send this off into the world". I have so many things that I'm sitting on, but I can't find it in me to send them off. I don't know what it is. But I feel like it's time and I can't push myself to do it.

Hello!

I began posting when I was 13 and I think I just had no shame (not only bc I was young) also mainly because no one knew who I was in real life so I felt like I just made a “persona” of myself at the time before I began opening up more over the years 🤔

Unfortunately I can’t pinpoint a good way to be more open about it as I can also see how it can be hard as art is personal and it seems like you are putting yourself out there which can be frightening 😵

Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and post because … it’s not like you don’t want to post you just need a little push in some way!

It just happen to be a skill or like a habit that you aren’t used to at the moment so it can seem frightening and uncomfortable.

This can’t be compared, but I recently went to the cinema alone recently which is something I’ve always wanted to do, but what stopped me is that I’ve never done it before. I found the idea simply frightening and incredibly uncomfortable hahah

I’m not sure what I expected because everything did go well 🤣 like they just had to check my ticket that’s all hahah I felt fairly anxious and scared at the time because it was my first time which was fairly uncomfortable! But it’s not like I didn’t want to go alone either! I had to step out of my comfort zone which made me so anxious even thought all I had to do was to show my ticket, walk in and sit down and enjoy the movie. I did want to see more movies at the cinema even though my friends weren’t available at the time!

After experiencing it and going several more times, I made it as a habit and became less anxious as I know what I expect from the experience ! This also goes for trying out new interests and hobbies and hopefully you can see the connection with the anxious/scared feeling of having to post online as well.

Sometimes you will be the one to take the push forward and do it yourself or you can have someone do it with/for you. At some point you just have to push the «post» button yourself.

I also post my drawings during midnight and head straight to bed hahah 🫣 I get overwhelmed fairly quickly so it works to calm me down as I wake up with a clear head instead of being anxious throughout the day. I also used to do it before I go to work/school/workout etc that would keep me busy throughout the day from thinking about the drawing I just posted.

It’s a bit messy answer, but I hope you can see the connection of it and I hope it helped just a little bit🫣!

[jav-uni]

no troll zone except you believe any that will tell you what you want to hear about a basic white celeb. Dumber than a bag of bricks

Ay, mi amor! hahah.

This is a troll-free zone but for you, I will make an exception:

I don't believe what I want to hear because it would be unethical for me to do so. After all, I am a Journalist with a Master's in Strategic Communications and I'm trained in International Law, Human Rights, and Transparency at the UN and other International Organizations and Universities, and have worked for over 15 years in digital marketing, activism, and politics. I am WELL more educated than the basic white celeb, his "wife", and her racist little clout combined (We have proof that one of them is a high school dropout, and she and her friends are racists. I saw the original tweets and posts myself to verify their validity)

Do you want to know why I'm still here? Because most of the communications and social media strategies that we have seen for the past two years I have done them for work before. I don't speak the same language as his team because my native language is Spanish and I live in South America, but the strategies are the same.

Besitos. 💋

[picnokinesis]

if you would be interested in sharing your thoughts about the star beast, i would love to hear them!!

Ooh okay, so - well, first, just to start off: I think The Star Beast is a really important episode, and was very much a needed episode. The current climate in the UK regarding the trans community and their rights is getting extremely rancid, to put it lightly. Having an episode of Doctor Who with an explicitly trans character, having the other characters around her be affirming and supportive - that was awesome. Extremely awesome. And I'm really glad that RTD is loudly putting himself on this side of the whole 'debate' (which isn't really a debate, because it's just straight up bigotry from the anti-trans side, and we need people like RTD outwardly speaking out against that bigotry).

When I talk to cis people offline about this episode, that is pretty much what I say and also where I stop.

I'll put the rest under the cut hahah - there's a bit of negativity here, just as a warning for all the hardcore RTD stans, but I think it's well-founded and not vitriolic at all, just like, miffed hahaha. Also, I know there were a few trans folks who found this episode really affirming, so just to be clear: this is just my opinion, personal thoughts, and also influenced by the conversations I had with other trans people that I know and care about about the episode.

When I talk to trans people - offline or online - about this episode, I go in a lot deeper, because whilst it was a very important episode, it was somewhat flawed. It also came off the back of several things RTD had said and done that really ticked me off, and so I wasn't really in the interest of being entirely uncritical about what, to me and a lot of trans dw fans that I spoke to, thought was a very "cis" trans story. And when I watched it, I thought 'oh geez, is this how poc feel when white people try and write poc stories with good intentions but don't really get it right??" because like. Ho boy.

The thing about this episode was that RTD wanted to write an affirming trans story, and mostly did that, but also, imo...doesn't actually understand what gender and transness actually is. I think my main gripes were definitely with the climax scene - the whole 'we can let go bc we're women' thing literally made me go 'what' out loud at the screen because...well, it's just gender essentialism. Trans inclusive, sure! But trans inclusive gender essentialism is still gender essentialism. Women aren't better than men. There's actually an exceptionally good essay written by a trans woman who was still in the closet about her experiences in queer spaces that had a very prevalent anti-men attitude, and I've seen it myself irl too. It's not helpful - it's harmful, in fact - and it leans on this strange mysticism about women that is fundamentally anti-feminist, in my opinion. Women aren't "innately better at emotional and intangible, instinctive things" (and it's unspoken counterpart - "thus men are better at logical, rational things" - is also untrue). Women aren't magically better at 'letting things go' than men are - I reckon you could make an argument about men being socialised to not be emotional, and that would be an interesting conversation to have, but that was not what was being said - especially with the Doctor being raised in a society that didn't even perceive gender in the same was as humanity.

Also, the thing that REALLY got me was 'if you were a woman, you'd get it' - first of all, no. Thirteen never let anything go in her life and repressed to the max, if anything she was WORSE than tenteen at that lmao. Second - and this is the more salient point - I think it's a strange thing to suggest that tenteen is fully a man, at this point? Like, regardless of what he looks like, regardless of how he identifies or how thirteen identified, he just lived a lifetime in a body that looked like a woman, and thus was treated as such by the rest of the universe. He wasn't going to forget all of that. I actually really liked how the Chibnall era approached thirteen's gender - or, rather, her complete ambivalence to it, where it seemed like gender was more of an annoying thing that kept happening to the doctor that she kept having to remember, rather than something she felt - however I really REALLY wish they'd actually dug explicitly into the transness of it all, and so when they didn't, I'd hoped that RTD would do that instead. Especially since we KNEW Yasmin Finney was in it and we knew we were going to get a trans character!! I was like, this is the PERFECT opportunity to get the Doctor to actually talk about their gender and how it, fundamentally, doesn't really change between bodies, just how people REACT to it changes. But instead, the episode seems to present the doctor as having flicked a binary switch - once woman, now man - and thus made sure to remind us that every time thirteen was mentioned, it was framed around the fact that she was The Woman Regeneration, but also that tenteen was Now a Man Again. And even if that WAS THE CASE, it still wouldn't mean that tenteen came out of that experience completely mindwiped of everything about 'womanhood', right?? Like he lived as a woman! He was a woman 45 minutes ago, but now you're telling him that he couldn't possibly understand anything about this because he's a man now? Like first of all, his physical body's characteristics have nowt to do with his ability to let things go, second, it's just....okay, it reminds me of the dichotomy between all these detransition horror stories the anti-trans folks like to spew out, versus when you talk to actual detransitioners, who are quite often gnc and extremely positive about the trans community, and whose experience within that community and transitioning impacted how they view the world.

And I think it fundamentally comes down to RTD not really understanding either womanhood or transness. He actively speaks out on both of these things, which is great, but I don't think he understands them fully. I think the fact that he didn't think that David Tennant could wear a t-shirt, braces, trousers and coat because they were "women's clothes", and that when he cast David Tennant that was one of the first things he immediately decided is kind of telling.

There's also the whole 'male-presenting timelord' thing, which, again, I just don't think RTD really understood what that meant, like I'm not sure what his point was there, genuinely. Like, on a technical level it's acknowledging that the Doctor isn't necessarily male, just looks like a man (correct) buuuuuuuuuut the full line was saying 'you'd never understand this because you're a man' SO LIKE...okay? So he's not actually a man, but actually because of his male-adjacency, he's incapable of coming to the same conclusion that a woman did? So he's still...defined by his maleness? Hm. Strange sentence to write coming out of a trans woman's mouth.

What would have been better? I wish they'd just had Donna and Rose say 'because we're human', or maybe 'because we're the Nobles'. I also know a lot of people really didn't like the misgendering scene with the kids on the bikes - I think my personal feelings on that are a little more complicated, as a trans person who is not out irl and functionally uses my birthname almost everywhere, but also isn't triggered by it. It's not a deadname, more like a paperwork name rather than my preferred name, right? But I know for a lot of trans people, deadnaming is like psychological warfare and it's really awful, especially when done with malicious intent (like shown in the scene with the boys on the bikes). However...I do understand why RTD included this scene, and actually kind of agree with him. Because the boys on the bikes are the sort of people who are also watching the show. And so then seeing that kind of thing being condemned by the narrative by a key, beloved character, is probably something that's actually helpful. On the other hand though...in the Doctor Who Unleashed (or whatever the behind the scenes thing is called now), you've got this interview with Yasmin Finney saying that it was actually a pretty triggering scene to film for her and genuinely affected her, and I'm like....okaaaaaay then I REALLY hope they had someone she could talk to on set. Like, fundamentally, I think telling these stories are important, but, yknow, not at the expense of the actual actress' mental wellbeing, right? So that concerned me a bit.

I also think that the scene between Sylvia and Donna in the kitchen talking about Rose was brilliant. And this is because it was about cis people trying to understand and support trans people whilst not completely getting it and making mistakes, but also trying their best!! Which RTD does understand, very well!! And it felt so real. It was fantastic. There's also the part with the whole 'did you assume the meep's pronouns' whiiiiiiiich I have mixed feelings about? I think here, RTD was trying to poke fun at the people who do say that sort of thing to make fun of trans people, and having the Doctor be like 'actually this is a good point we should be checking this sort of thing'......however. I don't think I've ever heard 'did you assume my pronouns' come out of a trans person's mouth. It's always been a cis person mocking our community. So it felt a bit...incongruent. And all that needed to be changed was having Rose say 'how do you know the meep is a he?' - like that was all it needed!!! Also, it was a shame that after the delightful moment of the doctor being like 'SAME HAT' regarding the meep's pronouns, that.....we then had NO OTHER DISCUSSION about the doctor's gender!! Like, Russel, dude, you're really gonna have Rose hear the 'male-presenting' guy say 'oh yeah I do that with pronouns too!! :D' - have her NOT REACT TO THAT AT ALL - and then you're gonna have her say by the end 'oh you don't understand bc you're a man :)' after her non-binary power move moment? Sighs. Yeah.

I think another important thing to remember here is that there were no trans folks in the writer's room on this. Now, this is a tricky one because I think people who aren't part of a certain community should be writing stories outside their own knowledge and experience, and should be encouraged to do so!! I don't think that you need to have everything rubberstamped, and even something written by someone in a certain community isn't going to resonate with everyone in that community. Actually, I think it's unhelpful to start getting into the politics of 'who is allowed to write what' - I think anything written with care and good intention is valuable, especially if the writer is willing to listen to constructive criticism and learn from any mistakes that are made. But I think, as a writer myself, if you are going to write a story about that community, it might be worth 1) talking to them a bit more than I think RTD did - but, to be fair, I don't actually know how much research he did, but, well, see above on the fact I don't think he really got what he was writing about - but also 2) not dismissing writers from that community (and others!), which RTD did in an interview not thaaaaaaat long before the episode aired. Again, to be fair to him, he has since then been like 'oh, we need to mentor and encourage the new generation of trans writers and writers of colour', which, great! But also, sir, then why were you saying that all the scripts you got from minority writers were all awful, angry, and lacked any love for tv like skksks SIR. SIR. The thing that gets me about that comment in particular is that, as someone currently starting out in script writing, I know exactly how hard it is to get at all noticed. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of passion, a lot of hard work and a lot of skill - and a lot of luck too, granted, but not luck along. So, RTD, if these writers got their scripts to your literal desk, as showrunner of Doctor Who...I think they have some love and passion. They HAVE to, to get to the point where he is reading those scripts. Also maybe RTD should unpack the fact that he thought the scripts were bad because they were too angry - I mean, I haven't read them, so I don't know, but maybe, sir, feeling uncomfortable about the anger in a script isn't a bad thing. Not every story is meant to be an easy pill to swallow. There are aromantic stories I want to write about romance as horror, romance as a virus, romance as a destructive force, that I think a lot of alloromantic people will find uncomfortable. Does that mean they're bad? Maybe, lol. Mostly they're bad because they're not written yet lmao, but I don't think the anger and discomfort in them makes them inherently weak. In fact, I think often anger can make a story stronger.

So then, I think The Star Beast left a sour taste in the back of my mouth, despite all the positive aspects of it, because of that. I think that comment also kinda left me frustrated about Dot and Bubble, even though I think that was a fantastic episode and genuinely really well done, and very effective - and I'm genuinely loathe to criticise it at all because I think it was so important - but. Having RTD talking in an interview about wondering how long the audience will take to notice that the cast is all white (and, thus, the depicted society is racist) whilst sitting in a writers room that's all white iiiiiiiiiiis uh. I don't think he thought about that SKKS. I think a lot about Sacha Dhawan talking about how you can be as inclusive on screen as you like, but if it's all 'white behind the lights' then how much does that inclusivity actually mean?

RTD definitely had good intentions and wrote a mostly good story. But he definitely fell down in some regards, aaaaaand well. I don't know. My personal opinion is that he's kind of arrogant and thinks he's infallible as a writer (and I may feel this way bc of the way parts of the fandom seem to put him on a pedestal, if I'm honest) - but I think that he's just human. He doesn't get things perfectly right all the time, and that's absolutely fine, but I think it's interesting and important to discuss those pitfalls, and I just wish he'd stop making it feel like he thinks he can write trans stories better than, yknow, actual trans people, and then write the most cis trans story I've ever seen SKSKSKSK

(AND ACTUALLY - sorry, this is getting long, but it's kind of indicative of the whole industry at the moment? The industry is calling for more diverse voices, more diverse stories - but they also want stories that can appeal to the widest possible audience, the common denominator, and thus "trans stories by trans people for trans people" doesn't actually tick that box. This didn't hit me until I wrote a trans horror script that got shortlisted for a script call, but when I spoke to the (cis) producer and director (who were LOVELY, the producer had a gorgeous dog called Biscuit HAHA) I very quickly realised that they did not get it. They didn't understand. "Why do we have to kill the mirror demon that's the girl part of this trans man?" they asked. "She should get to live too!" But: "She was never a part of him," I had to say. "She was the idea of him that everyone around him thought he was, and thought it so strongly that she became real. It was her or him." They didn't really understand, but on the plus side it did highlight to me what was unclear in my script that none of my (trans) proof readers had picked up on (although my transfemme friend made the HILARIOUS comment that maybe the mirror demon could go and find a nice trans girl to possess? WHICH SKSKSKSKKSKSK I MEAN -))

Anyway. -gestures nebulously- I feel like my thoughts were a lot more concise and well constructed in the week after this episode actually aired hahaha, but I didn't want to throw my hat into the ring back then. I did find it amused how the majority of my cis trans-affirming friends were like 'GREAT EPISODE, RIGHT?!!' and the majority of my trans friends were sending me the grimace emoji in the week after the episode aired LMAO