#what even am i

[saltiestbread]

Lap chicken but like more colors.

Me: brain,we really need to work on ours project,you know the one we started month ago?

Brain: idk,why don't we put your time and effort on this random art piece instead :)

had a lot of fun coloring'em,so it a win i suppose.

[clunkyrobogirl2000]

So genuinely wet and pathetic of me to be a trans girl obsessed with robots, who studies electronics and yet remains absolutely god awful at it like doesn’t get more loser than that

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[angstics]

Finally developed internalized homophobia after 8 years of being fine with it more or less 🙏

[spqcey-earthling]

i think i may have accidentally gotten myself into a talking stage???how did this happen

[nems-is-lost]

AAAAA I'LL MAKE NEW BOTS SOON, I PROMISE! FOR SOME REASON GOD DECIDED TO PUT ME IN A WOMAN'S BODY SO I'M JUST SUFFERING AND CAN'T MOVE OR THINK OR ANYRHING FOR A WEEK AAAAA-

[transingthoseformers]

Tarn is interesting because on one hand I am very willing to commit violence on him because he's goddamn evil as hell imo. On the other hand I absolutely live for depictions of him as a poor kitty meow meow and am absolutely willing to rail his pathetic ass

[theonpilled]

I'm not as dysphoric as I was as a teen. was it just the puberty? did I simply come to terms with it now? am I ignoring it? is it the meds? am I not actually trans? what is happening

[biohazard-inevitable]

I’m masc in the way a Bishie is masc

I’m fem in the way blood is fem

I’m masc in the way death is masc

I’m fem in the way the moon is fem

I like girls so long as they are reptiles

And I like men so long as they could pick me up with one hand

The others I like as they come

I am decay and rot incarnate

My gender is meaningless in the cycle of acrid rebirth on the ever turning earth we roam

[canonically-a-genloser]

anyways. that bartender job huh

[kinun]

Ever trying to find a word that's been on the tip of your tongue for over an hour? And then you try Google because usually that works in finding it or a good synonym? But then Google doesn't help, so you decide to try your luck asking a friend. Who, luckily, is online right at the moment but they can't help you either.

So you're just there in the void of your mind questioning your entire reality because what if you're thinking of a word that just doesn't exist?

Ever gaslit yourself into believing a word does or does not exist?

[kornymaggotboi]

Am I Asexual or Pansexual?

I identify as Pansexual, but me and my mom like to talk about LGBTQA+ stuff, and I said that I feel attraction to all genders, but not sexual attraction, and she asked me "so doesn't that make you Asexual?"

So, am I actually Asexual?

Like, I feel attraction to every gender or lack of gender, but I don't ever feel sexually attracted to people.

I mean, I find some people sexy, but I don't ever feel an urge for sex with that person.

I just don't like sex, because I'm not planning on having kids, and there are so many risks that come with sex, like pregnancy or deadly diseases, that it just doesn't seem worth it.

But I don't know if that's a fear thing or a sexuality thing.

I still think I'm Pansexual, but I don't know anymore.

(edit) I think I'm actually a Panromatic Asexual, which means I feel romantic feelings for every gender or lack of gender, but I rarely or never feel sexual attraction to anyone.

So I figured it out, I guess I'm officially coming out as a Panromantic Asexual.

[randompersonunderyourbed]

Here I don’t know

If you couldn’t tell, I’m in between using male/masc terms for myself

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[abra-macabre]

Idk if this is just my weird infp Aquarius empath shit but I get these waves of a clarity that feels like the end of a movie with a bittersweet/poignant ending with a perfectly fitting song that represents the emotion being conveyed by the multi media. I wish I could copy and paste these "stream of conciousness" scenes that I'm seeing in my head like screenshots. Sometimes it's from a fragment of a dream that was somehow hooked on to a feeling that triggers something of a passed life-esque sense memory. Fragments of reformed fragments of moments in time strung together haphazardly.