#what else is there to call you but a sell out

[paintedrecs]

"Creative inbreeding" is such an apt term. It is, quite frankly, why I've pretty much given up on reading fantasy YA for the time being. A lot of the popular ones I'd been picking up - widely discussed, pretty covers, interesting summaries - are nearly indistinguishable from each other in terms of actual writing style.

Lead characters with copy/paste personalities. A love interest that hits all the popular tropes, even if the relationship doesn't really work within the story structure. A narrative arc that hits all the key stops along the way, like it's following a map. The same types of descriptions of food, clothing, towns, etc. I set the book down when I'm done and can't even remember who the author was without flipping back to that nicely illustrated cover.

I don't mean to criticize the authors, because obviously they're working hard, and it's amazing that they got their books out into the world. I'm just...tired of reading so many of the same stories, with different hats.

Part of it, I'm sure, is that people are writing what they think sells - and agents and publishing houses are probably picking up specific stories for the same reason. It's like Disney doing endless remakes of stories that were originally something creative and inspiring.

But you can tell when you're reading something that's sort of just...cobbled together from all the other books that person has encountered from within the same exact genre. They're assembling bits of everyone else's voices instead of developing their own. It might be readable, but it's not terribly memorable.

In one of my college lit classes, our final exam was to read excerpts from various literary works and write a short essay response identifying the authors and explaining our reasons. It wasn't a test to check whether we'd read and memorized everything by these authors - it was to see how closely we'd been paying attention to the ones we had read and discussed in class.

For instance, the Jack London excerpt wasn't from White Fang or The Call of the Wild - it was a paragraph from a short story we hadn't read, where you could pick up on setting, style, themes, tone, etc to say hey...I think this was probably written by him.

I still remember that exam because it was a pretty cool exercise that showed how distinct an author's voice can be, even for ones that carry over into different genres. (Jack London is a little bit of a cheat if you go "oh it's set in Alaska.") It's like hearing a song you've never listened to before and recognizing their voice, or identifying a painting without having to look at the signature.

And yes, you can see this in fanfiction, too: I used to enjoy trying to identify authors in fandom exchange festivals, before the anon switch flipped off and they were revealed. Sometimes I was wrong. Sometimes I got it right, and it was so fun!

My favorite fic authors do often have a distinct tone and style that they carry through their writing, even while drawing from canonical sources and keeping it "in character." Just like the paintings from two artists sitting next to each other in front of a bowl of fruit will depict the "same" subject on the canvas, but with their point of view and personality in the brushstrokes.

Which is all just to say that I agree, so strongly, with the need to not only read if you're going to write...but to read widely and across genres. Across time periods and languages, too: I very much recommend reading stories from other cultures and other countries, to develop a wider view of the world.

If you only read modern YA fantasy written by US-based authors, your stories are...going to sound a lot like theirs, even if you don't intend them to.

If you read a ton of fic, you'll probably learn how to write something that aligns well with what everyone seems to like and gravitate towards in fandom. Maybe that's the goal. But even if you don't have the drive or the energy to write or try to publish original works, all the advice from earlier in this thread will help you in fandom.

If you want to write a story that isn't an entirely unique concept but IS your unique voice, you have to develop that voice through wider experience.

I've seen fanfic authors brag about how they never read at all, fic or otherwise...and quite frankly, it shows. You can only improve through practice, and some of that practice includes studying and learning from others, which can really be as simple as just sitting down with a cup of tea and a stack of books.

They don't have to be "literary." They don't need glowing 5 star reviews. They should just be what books are meant to be: a way for you to dive into a whole bunch of different worlds and time periods and discover the huge range of creativity that's out there for you to enjoy.

fascinating that when you tell people "you have to learn the rules to break them" when talking about drawing/painting etc everyone nods and agrees but the second you say "you have to read books if you want to write better" there's a horde of contrarians begging to be the wrongest people ever all of a sudden

[ooooo-mcyt]

Scar not Getting how he contributes to his own isolation is such a Thing for me.

Sure, in Last Life, he was lied to and scammed on a number of occasions, and absolutely, he was kept at arms length by a lot of the alliances he managed to actually form. It is valid, to a point, for Scar to feel used and alone during Last Life.

Sure, in Double Life, his soulmate did seek out someone else behind Scar's back, he was considered, by his only partner in the season, to be a bad partner, and he was kept at arms length. It is valid, to a point, for Scar to feel betrayed and frustrated during Double Life.

Sure, in Secret Life, Scar's tasks did, on a number of occasions, push him toward acts that would alienate people and push them away, even when Scar may have wanted to form alliances. It is valid, to a point, for Scar to feel like his isolation was forced by the game.

But that's not the whole story, is it?

Scar opened Last Life trying to scam and intimidate people from the start, and he was very flippant with any feelers people did put out for alliances. To his credit Scar did invite Joel in, but by episode two they were both willing to kill each other for Boogeyman kills, so I'd argue there wasn't much effort to forming a strong foundation there. By the time Scar did start feeling truly lonely and putting out feelers for alliances, everyone knew not to trust a word he says. Partially because of the previous season, and partially because of his attempts at continuing his legacy of scams in this season. Which could maybe be overcome, if Scar didn't treat alliances like business transactions. He'd form contracts of friendship, demand they be signed as part of a deal, personal bonds boiled down to a signature on a paper that was overtly framed to benefit Scar. Sure, Scar said they were "friendships" (just like he called it "friendship" in the previous season before betraying everyone who ever trusted him including his one main partner) but a contract is an inherently less personal bond than a real partnership, especially if you have a history of betrayal and deception.

Scar didn't care about soulmates in Double Life, for the entire first episode. He didn't look for his soulmate much, he actively brushed off conversations about soulmates, he often didn't think about his soulmate when taking damage, he repeatedly called animals (the allay and then the pandas) his 'real' soulmates, and when he found out he and Grian were soulmates his first response was "Do we have to live together?" in a way that very much implied he didn't want Grian. This alone would be enough to drive a wedge between them, but their argument in the next episode was the nail in the coffin, I think. Grian makes a "no animals in the house" rule (seemingly because he thinks they'll distract scar from helping him at all and take up all his time) and then repeatedly asks Scar to help him with the house. Eventually Grian gives Scar the single simple task of gathering some oak wood while Grian continues working on everything else. Scar, in retaliation, comes up with the idea of using powdered snow to "torture" ones soulmate and uses it to "punish" Grian for assigning him "chores". Grian was given ample reason by Scar to think Scar wasn't interested in being his soulmate or acting like a real partner to him.

Scar actively turned away companionship at every turn in Secret Life. He brushed off Tango and Skizz when they tried to get him on board, he ignored many attempts from Grian to connect with him, he set up alone and tried to sell stuff to the server, and when people came trying to bridge the gap with him, he waved them off. Even up to the finale, when Scar very much wasn't bound by any task to push people away. Sure, it was the finale, it was a bit late to form bonds, but Scar had multiple people trying to build a bridge out to him, trying to make a connection, and what Scar did was sit in the middle and keep both parties on the back burner until his allegiances were decided for him based on who he happened to be standing next to when the final confrontation began. It wasn't the tasks alone that made Scar isolate in Secret Life. The tasks may have exacerbated the issue by making him antagonize people, but Scar was alone because he built himself an outpost all alone and wouldn't commit to any particular attempt anyone made to build a bridge toward him, even though multiple people did try.

I'm not saying everything was Scar's fault. People have screwed Scar over, and the universe itself has handed him awful luck, on many occasions. And he obviously doesn't 'deserve' to be alone, Scar deserves human connection and loyalty as much as anyone else does, and he clearly wants it. But I'd almost always say Scar is the biggest reason for his own isolation, and he's blind to it.

Scar says "Everyone betrayed me in Last Life when we were supposed to be friends" or "My soulmate was a cheater in Double Life when all I did was build him a panda sanctuary" or "My tasks forced me to be the villain in Secret Life and made me push people away"

And I think that's a lie. Not an intentional lie, but one he tells himself.

Because if Scar had come to any team in Last Life and chose to be vulnerable, to express that he genuinely wanted companionship, with no deals or tricks, I don't think a single person would have turned him away.

Because if Scar had tried to come to Grian on his own terms at all in Double Life to make Grian feel more wanted or like Scar's interested in helping him as a partner instead of convincing himself he was already perfect and Grian was just a ungrateful, I think it would have done wonders.

Because if Scar had taken literally any of the many hands people extended to him- while he wasn't under any task making him push them away- instead of keeping people on the back burner, I don't think Scar would have been alone at all in Secret Life.

Scar's desire to believe his suffering is entirely inflicted upon him instead of being self imposed is a very natural human desire. But when you deflect any blame, you also blind yourself to all the ways you could make things better. Vulnerability is hard, changing your demeanor, how you operate, is hard, it's easier to keep going as you are and convince yourself it's everyone else's fault that you're struggling to form and keep bonds. But Scar clearly needs and craves human connection, and to find that in the way he wants, he needs to make an effort, compromise some things, and be more vulnerable than he seems to be comfortable being. He needs to accept the ways he's shooting himself in the foot, but he doesn't seem willing or able to do that. And it's just so sad to me how he forms a web of isolation and self imposed hopelessness around himself and can't even see it when he's the one who suffers most for it. I don't know I love this guy.

[watermelonlicker]

When you’re a father with a shared custody who still refuses to move countries and you call your son the most important person in your life and he’s your whole world and say how lucky you are to be a parent yourself, you don’t go renting a two property party house for your friends and a fresh new gf in another location from where your child lives (according to the tabloids, whatever) for a festival getaway, you don’t leave him alone with his aunts he sees once-twice a year to go out to the bar on a holiday night when you know it’s time for him to leave soon, you don’t sell your LA house, and don’t go saying how [you’ve spent such a long time living in London that you’re used to it] forgetting you should have been spending your time in Cali for 9 years every chance you get. You also don’t call paps on him the moment he’s born. And the boobgate fail?😭 Anyway, there’s never a choice between spending time with your child and doing something else, between protecting his privacy and showcasing how perfect of a parent you are in a footage that everyone has access to, because your child is your priority, according to you and the story you build with your own words and by everyone in your family.

And that’s where the “deadbeat” comes from, the entire lot of dissonance between the words and actions which makes him sound like a fool and a liar and a frankly pathetic person. Also why doesn’t Mark, who raised him and his sisters, doesn’t claim F as his grandchild?

The thing that pisses me off is romanticizing the absent parenting when it’s your fav celebrity, it’s not “the struggles of being an imperfect father” and “he tries but he fails and that’s what makes him a human and a real parent😣” situation. He’s a multimillionaire of 15 years with investment properties across the globe (except for California apparently) and a collection of expensive cars. He’s not a working class or lower, he doesn’t need to make ends meet, to provide working three jobs a day, safe and healthy parenting isn’t and was never a struggle for him, it’s a privilege. But apparently all his cares in this world are tied to bar hopping and getting high which wouldn’t even be a problem if he wasn’t a father.

God, whenever this topic comes up, it’s just so glaringly obvious how much people are ready to idolize someone as long as that someone keeps their eyes glossed over. And he doesn’t even need to try this hard, the propaganda is so effective, those who eat it up, will continue doing so without a back thought and aggressively protect this narrative, being given the green light and all.

Yeah so he’s either a scumbag or whatever it is we’ve been saying is true. It’s interesting, how a lot of people are choosing the first over the latter. Very interesting.

Rant over🫰

EXACTLY ! ALL ! OF ! THIS !!!!

like if you want to look at the pr facts laid down and dissect them like it’s biology then the only conclusion you can come to is louis is an incredibly shit father and this kid will have some heavy baggage when he gets older and make that known to the world like every child of celebs who have shit parents like just wait until he gets tik tok or emancipates himself from the tomlinsons OR you can go with the actual reality of the situation which is louis doesn’t hang around f bcos that’s not his kid and he is being raised by his real fam.

[misskattylashes]

Big Ideas – an analysis….

Thank you to @lalaballa for suggesting I share my analysis of this song, so here goes..

On the surface it looks quite simple, that it is about the process of recording a song and the excitement that goes with it. But I think that it goes deeper than that and actually has a link to One Point Perspective.

In an earlier post, I said how I think the opening verse of OPP ‘dancing in my underpants etc..’ is about young Alex and his youthful exuberance and enthusiasm for the band, which gets hampered by ‘Mr Winter Wonderland’ (ie the industry) so he ends up at a point where he wants to call it quits, but he can’t.

Well, that's quite a number to sing Spotlit, getting lowered in Can you co-direct and play the twins

I think this is about the beginning of their career, hence the spotlight being lowered in, and the number to sing is more than likely Dancefloor, because it caused such a stir when it was released because it sounded so unlike anything else. By the twins, I think Alex is referring to himself, as we have discussed until we are blue in the face, there are two Alex’s, the private one and the public one. And as I have spoken with many of you about before, the early image of AM was carefully constructed. I can remember the sheer shock of discovering Alex’s parents were teachers, because they had been presented as chavs, and Alex a boy genius with a god-given talent (which he was, but he also had parents who no doubt had lots of books at home, and also his dad is a music teacher…). So from day one, he was having to pretend to be someone he wasn’t, so we get the twin version of himself.

And adapt the main theme for mandolins? I've conjured up wonderful things The ballad of what could've been Over and out It's been a thrill

This is self explanatory because he has conjured up wonderful things, no doubt about that, but I will touch upon the ‘ballad of what could have been’, shortly. Over and out and it’s been a thrill, unfortunately sounds like he’s finally going to get the exit he wanted in OPP.

I had big ideas, the band were so excited The kind you'd rather not share over the phone But now, the orchestra's got us all surrounded And I cannot for the life of me remember how they go

This to me is the verse that links back to OPP. The word excitement sounds like it is talking about youth, and the phrase, ‘the kind you’d rather not share over the phone’. In this day and age, we mostly communicate via email and text, whereas in the early 2000s, phone would have been the main method of communication. But I don’t think the orchestra is what we think, the orchestra is Alex double speak for the music industry. After all, AM’s career has been far more orchestrated than it is liked to be believed (Mr Winter Wonderland), and the I cannot for the life of me remember how they go, is similar to ‘Forgive Me Man I’ve Lost my Train of Thought’. Alex’s original plans have been overridden by the industry and he has lost sight of his original objectives.

Coordinated release Nationwide festivities We had 'em out of their seats Wavin' their arms and stompin' their feet Some were just hysterical scenes The ballad of what could've been Over and out

This verse is very clever and I do believe it is double speak. Much was made of AM watching the postponed Euros in 2021 while they were recording The Car. For anyone who doesn’t know, England made the semi-final and it looked as for the first time since 1966 we were going to win a major tournament, but we ended up coming fourth (the ballad of what could have been).

However…

I think Alex is talking about Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I’m Not. The release of this album was seismic in the UK, and people went crazy for it (I think it’s still the fastest selling debut LP in UK history). As I said, Alex was being hailed a genius, just an ordinary kid who managed to capture the zeitgeist so eloquently that young people saw him as a man of the people. If they had carried on this way, I don’t know how their careers would have gone. They might not have had the universal success they had (WPSIATWIN is very UK centric), but Alex had made an album doing the thing he loved, creating poetry to music that sounded like The Strokes.

However, by Favourite Worst Nightmare things have changed. Maybe due to the pressure of living a double life, or wanting to express himself more cryptically, the lyrics became more oblique, then of course once Alexa came along, media focus was on his personal life more than his actual talent (look up some old issues of Heat magazine online and you will see what I mean). No album Arctic Monkeys released since WPSIATWIN has ever captured the British imagination like that. By AM - which was their most accomplished album at that point, and launched them globally - a lot of the original British fans saw Alex as a parody of the very people he had criticised at the beginning, and they lost interest, and to them WPSIATWIN AM are a completely different band to SIAS/AM Era.

So, to summarise on the surface Big Ideas is a simple song about Alex writing a grand song but not being able to remember what he has written when the time comes to record it. But under the surface, it is Alex lamenting on his career, and where it went wrong – to a degree. But despite this, it has been a thrill.

Unfortunately, it definitely sounds like a goodbye. Whether it is just AM or the music industry completely, we can only wait and see.,

[nageek42]

Magic: The Gathering is in a similar position where a multiplayer format (which is generally an awful idea if you’re playing a game designed for 1v1) with a focus on “table politics” and “social rules” has become the de facto most played format in large part because WotC/Hasbro have realized how good this format is at selling product. Now a huge part of that game’s discourse is about how to make a deck that’s good but doesn’t make your group think you’re an asshole, instead of, like, will employing this strategy win you the game? Not to say I think that every game of Magic should be a super serious thing, but this kind of wishy washy “you can do whatever you want as long as you don’t play *too* well or *too* good of card or else you’re a bad person” behavior which is encouraged by the companies who make the game because they don’t care about the game’s health anymore really sucks.

What’s really fun is that a huge contingent of this format’s player base take any criticism of said format incredibly personally. About 3 years ago a mechanic called “Initiative” (a corporate dnd tie-in) that was designed with 4-player balancing in mind cracked my preferred format in half because it was too strong, and I received actual death threats for saying that it’s stupid that we have to keep putting up with broken formats to sate players who would frankly be having more fun playing Monopoly.

This all plus the Cowboy Racism™️ has pushed me out of Magic, and DnD will likely be going in a similar way soon.

I mean, it's at least little bit funny how Hasbro's efforts to position Dungeons & Dragons as a universal entry-level game have managed to undo thirty years of development in D&D's culture of play and we're back to litigating whether "you should create characters who actually have a reason to go on adventures rather than expecting the GM to do backflips to justify their presence" is unreasonably imposing upon the player's creative freedom like it's fucking 1994.

[maxdibert]

I mean, the trio can't be faulted much for despising Snape (Hermione also didn’t, she probably just judged him), they were children, and he did kind of target Harry. They were just being his best friends and standing up for him, plus I doubt Severus cared for the opinions of children. (Except for Harry's maybe?) But Sirius and Remus are the ones I will never understand. Snape is a very strong and brave man for risking his life for them despite the burden of hatred and being constantly judged, knowing he had no ally or friend, especially after Dumbledore died. And even Dumbledore used him. I would not be able to handle that. He must have felt so lonely and depressed.

I think his main mission was to protect Harry and defeat Voldemort, but he helped others in the process too.

Well, basically Sirius was a loyal dog and never stopped being one, and his hatred toward Snape was completely irrational. James hated Snape because he was friends with Lily, and as a heteronormative toxic guy, he couldn’t conceive that the girl he liked could have male friends, and even less so a low-class Slytherin, obviously. But Sirius’ grudge was always irrational. Maybe out of loyalty to James, maybe simply because Sirius was a Black and that elitist arrogance had to come out somewhere, and being sadistic to a Slytherin who hung out with his brother’s friends probably felt justifiable to him. Maybe it was a mix of all of it, but it was resentment without a real reason, just for the sheer pleasure of being abusive.

And Sirius was also a proud man, someone who in his youth had it all: extreme good looks, money, popularity, a group of friends where he felt like the king of his own little ecosystem at school. On top of that, Sirius was very self-satisfied with his role as the rebellious one who opposed his family’s values, which made him feel morally superior, a heroic figure.

And suddenly, he gets out of prison and that kid he bullied, abused, even tried to kill — the one he always saw as a loser and dehumanized to the point of stripping him of any humanity — turns out not only to be a member of the Order but basically its most important one: Dumbledore’s right hand, the one who knows everything before anyone else, and takes on all the dangerous, secret missions. Meanwhile, Sirius is a broken man stuck in his parents’ house, good for nothing except offering up his property as a headquarters, literally unable to contribute to anything. And that must’ve eaten him alive, wrecked his ego and his masculinity to the core. And of course, he was never going to admit that Severus was more than efficient and talented, because doing so would mean admitting he’d been wrong all his life, that he’d misjudged and targeted the wrong person, and his pride was never going to let him do that. Gryffindor pride, they call it.

Remus comes from a different place. He’s a guy who loves playing the victim. I mean, he is a victim, and he’s suffered a lot because of his condition, sure. But in this life, you can either be resilient and rise above the crap (which, ironically, is something Severus actually does) or turn yourself into a martyr and go around pitying yourself, which is exactly what Remus Lupin does his whole adult life. And I don’t think he was too emotionally prepared to face the fact that maybe he wasn’t the biggest victim in his own story, because he’d been a participant in the abuse and bullying of someone else. Admitting that would mean seeing himself as a perpetrator, and well, a bit too much for his warped self-image.

In the end, it all comes down to not wanting to own up to their own mess or be held accountable. That’s the biggest difference between Severus and them: Severus screwed up, realized it, owned it, and dedicated his life to seeking forgiveness. The Marauders, on the other hand, kept selling the narrative that they were the real heroes. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to admit your mistakes and make amends. I guess they were either born gutless or simply weren’t as brave as the Sorting Hat claimed they were.

[crusty-chronicles]

What It Takes To Move Forward

Synopsis: Coming to terms with the fact that Sabo wasn't dead.

Disclaimers: Fem reader 😔 apologies to all my gn and male readers. Reader is an ASL sibling, one year older than Luffy. Mini series?????? Law is a love interest because I said so. Reader's weapon of choice is a scythe 👁️👁️ Cannon is what I say it is🫵🫵🫵 for plot purposes of course

---------------------------------------------------

It feels like you're stuck in time. Your body paralyzed with so many different feelings. You can tell Sabo’s the same way, waiting with bated breath for your reaction. He's searching your eyes for a glimpse of what you might be feeling. You realize he looks so much older. The boy you thought would never get the chance to grow up was truly here in front of you.

You're not Luffy. He knows you two couldn't be any more different. But a part of him still hopes. He hopes you'll forgive him for not being there. He hopes you'll throw your arms around him and cry the happiest tears you can muster. All he can do is hope.

He takes the first step towards you, calling out your name softly. It's been so long since he's seen you. You're not a little kid anymore. It almost breaks his heart to see his baby sister all grown up. He'd seen Luffy plenty of times in the newspaper. (Albeit he didn't remember who he was at the time.) Hell, he has his wanted poster up in his room. But he has nothing of you. He didn't even know you'd become a pirate.

He remembers you being adamantly against it when you were kids. Not wanting a target on your back and instead choosing a normal carefree life. You'd planned to make a living selling and fixing weapons. Never was there a moment when you weren't tinkering with tools and creating spare parts out of scraps. 

And now you were here. Running around with Luffy causing a commotion. Gone was your dream of a peaceful life. He wonders what could've made you give it up. 

It wasn't until Doflomingo projected your image did he see you. And it filled him with dread. The title besides your name nearly gave him a heart attack. The Reaper Y/n. You'd actually had your own bounty. But he didn't have the time to sit back and wonder what you were doing here. He couldn't ask Robin if she'd known about you. So he leaves it alone. Or he left it alone.

Fate has a fucked up way of playing out sometimes. You and Luffy needed a place to recoup. Somewhere safe from the Marines after Doflamingo’s defeat. He promised himself he'd come running if either of you ever needed something. It goes without saying he offered you and Luffy's crew to camp out with the revolutionaries. 

But now that you're here…It makes him second guess himself.

You're staring at him now, and he flinches at the look in your eyes. It's not the uncontainable joyful one that Luffy had. It's hurt. He's close enough to put a hand on your shoulder. As soon as he does, you're punching the side of his jaw as hard as you can. The sound of impact catches everybody's attention. 

The hideout goes completely silent. From the corner of his eye, he can see Luffy rushing over. Wanting to separate a potential scuffle. But Sabo holds a hand up to stop him.

You're strong.

He's never been more proud.

He looks back over to you, ignoring the stinging of his jaw. His heart drops when he sees you crying. There's a scowl on your face and your hands are clenched.

“I hate you.” It's said quietly. 

Then you're screaming it out, hitting at his chest feebly.

“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

He can do nothing but take it. He was expecting one of you to hit him. But the thought never crossed his mind you'd resent him. You're so angry you're crying. 

“HOW DARE YOU!!!”

He forced himself to believe this was good. That this was what he wanted. Hearing someone else verbalize what he'd been thinking all along. Not the usual ‘it’s not your fault. You couldn't have done anything.’ 

But if this was truly what he wanted, then why did it hurt so much? Like daggers piercing through his very soul.

“YOU DON'T GET TO JUST COME BACK!!! WE GRIEVED FOR YOU!!! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!”

He stumbles back when you shove him away from you. You don't want answers, and he knows that. 

“ALL THIS TIME!?!? YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING?!?! I HATE YOU!!!”

And that's the cry that breaks him. He would have reached out sooner. He would've been there. But he wasn't. He knows what it looks like. That he vanished without a trace and was doing just fine. That he left all three of you behind. 

Somehow, he knows you know that's not true. 

“HOW COULD YOU LET ACE DIE THINKING YOU WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE WAITING FOR HIM!?!”

He doesn't know what to say. He can't possibly find the right words to soothe you. How could he when you were right? He doesn't know how he's keeping it together right now. How he's not crying and begging for your forgiveness. He offers up the only thing he can. An apology.

“I'm sorry.”

The fight leaves you and he's temporarily relieved. Though the silence that follows after has his worry coming back full force. It's almost suffocating. He observes you quietly. Despite the tears running down your face, he can tell you're thinking. Processing the situation before you.

You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Perhaps you do. Looking after Luffy for the past two years since Ace’s death. He wonders…So he asks the question without thinking. 

“You're a part of Luffy’s crew? You never wanted to be a pirate.”

He wonders if so much time has passed that you changed your mind. There's so many things he wants to ask you. So many things he wants to tell you. But he doesn't know it's all been too much for you. That one question had pushed you over the edge.

All damn day since Luffy told you he was alive, you've been suppressing your emotions. In denial of the news and putting all your focus into stopping Doflamingo. You could pretend it wasn't real. 

Then his damn face was projected across the entire country. A face so much older than you remember. The scar running down the side of his head had let you know it was real. It almost made you slip up. Made you cry and scream about how unfair it was.

Thankfully, Luffy had wasted no time taking off in the direction of the castle. You were able to force everything back down to follow suit. Your desire to protect him outweighing everything else. But now?

Now that you'd been forced to confront Sabo? Now that you were face to face? Now that he was talking to you like no time had passed?

You want to run away. To escape from everything. You can't handle him prodding for answers on your decision. It'd only end up with you screaming at him more. Make it look like you were the one who was acting irrational after everything you've been through. 

So you walk away from him.

You turn your back and leave. Your name dies on his tongue. He can't call you back. It hurts, but he understands. He lets you go, watching as you place yourself the furthest you can within the camp. You want nothing to do with him, and he can respect it. For your peace of mind at least. He feels a hand on his shoulder as he watches you go.

“I'll go talk to her.”

He's grateful for Koala’s kindness, but he knows you. If you want to be left alone, you'll be left alone. Yet he doesn't stop her, hoping you might just listen this time. You don't, of course. And he can't help but grimace as he watches it go down.

You feel a presence approach you, not bothering to lift your head. 

“Hey, mind if I sit here?” A soft voice calls out.

You recognize it as the girl who'd been working with Sabo. Koala. If you remembered correctly, she traveled with the Sun Pirates when she was a kid. You would have given her Jimbe’s regards had you been in your right mind. 

But you're not. Everything is murky. Thoughts swarming with both anger and relief. Betrayal and melancholy. She doesn't wait for you to respond before sitting next to you. 

You say nothing. Your legs folded in with your arms around them. You don't address her when she speaks.

“It's not his fault, you know? He didn't-”

You get up wordlessly and leave. Koala gapes at you in shock as you once again situate yourself further away. You don't let her finish speaking. (Something Sabo always did.) You just wanted a moment to clear your head. A break from everything. You don't care about the why's or the how's. 

Didn't you have the right to be upset?

Were you just supposed to pretend everything was okay?

The last attempt to get anything out of you comes from Luffy. He sits next to you quietly. If anyone could get through to you, it was him. Just as the two older brothers had a soft spot for you, you had one for Luffy. Especially when it had just been the two of you.

He knows you're mad. He knows why. It was something he'd felt earlier. Getting unbelievably upset at you for the stunt you pulled. Throwing yourself in front of Law in a last ditch effort to stop Doflamingo from killing him. All the while, Luffy was forced to watch and do nothing behind the bars of the coliseum. 

He could only watch as you were kicked around. Refusing to give up on protecting his alliance partner. And then you'd gone and done it again. He hadn't seen exactly what happened. But he saw the aftermath.

A bullet hole through your back while you laid protectively on top of the surgeon of death. 

Luffy couldn't help but get angry at you. You were gonna throw your life away. You would have left him by himself.

He gets it.

All the same, you gained back a brother you thought you'd lost. You shouldn't hold it against Sabo. But he gets why you do. It's not the first time you'd been angry at someone for dying. He remembers you cursing Sabo out the first time you all thought he was dead. He remembers you calling Ace stupid for letting his pride get the best of him. Crying that it wasn't fair he left you and Luffy alone.

But it was first for you to be upset at them for living.

He doesn't think you're being fair. Would you have been mad if it were Ace? He’s sure no one would've been happier than you. Then again, he hadn't been ‘dead’ for nine years. (And he'd raised you and Luffy by himself.)

“He didn't remember. He hit his head when he got attacked that day.” Luffy tells you the truth, although he knows it won't make a big difference.

Not now at least.

“He's sorry he couldn't be there for Ace. But he's here now. That counts for something, right?”

Sabo’s here. You and Luffy aren't alone anymore. He knows that's the reason you're really upset. He knows you gave up on your dream to protect him. He didn't ask you to. He could never have asked that of you. But you did it anyways because you loved him too much to lose. All you had was each other. 

So to find out it was all for nothing… That you gave up on your dream for nothing…

It doesn't help quiet your mind. Everything only gets more fuzzy. But it pushes you to a decision you should've made a long time ago. Luffy didn't need you here anymore.

“I'm resigning from your crew.” Your voice is quiet, yet firm.

“What?” And it feels like his world is ending. How did he end up digging an even bigger hole for himself?

“Why?!? We beat Doflamingo, didn't we!? Why do you wanna quit all of a sudden?”

But you don't offer him an explanation. You just get up and leave. That's both brothers you've hurt today. But you can't take it anymore. Any of this. You're so damn tired of looking over your shoulder. So damn tired of being on the run. So tired of worrying if your brother was gonna die. 

As selfish as it was, you didn't want to be involved anymore. Not when everything was so hazy. Thoughts muddled with grief, anger, and everything in between. 

It's not like with Usopp when he quit. An argument gone too far. And it's not like with Robin either. You're not being forced to do something you don't want to. Luffy can't stop you from quitting. He can't refuse your resignation either like with the rest of the Strawhats. You're his big sister. He doesn't hold the same authority over you. 

And if Luffy can't talk you out of it, then you're truly a lost cause.

You thought you'd finally gotten your silence, until you heard footsteps once again. You curled in tighter on yourself. You had no more fight in you to argue.

“Please just leave me alone.” You said quietly.

“Not a chance. You were a pain in my ass when I wanted you gone, now I get to be a pain in yours.”

You looked up in shock at Law. Out of everyone you were expecting, he was the last one. You blamed yourself, really. You'd been so damn persistent ever since Punk Hazard. Going out of your way to make sure he didn't feel like the odd one out. 

You figured it must've been taxing to be on a ship full of strangers. You knew your first days on the Sunny were awkward. So you made it a point to bother Law. Approaching him when he sat by himself to watch Caeser.

“You're gonna get scoliosis slumped over like that. And here I thought you were a doctor.” You teased, blanket in your arms.

He looked up at you with a small glare.

“I'll be fine.” He dismissed.

But you wouldn't be swayed so easily. You were no stranger to stubbornness. Having dealt with it throughout your childhood. His abrasiveness didn't bother you one bit. Though you supposed he might've had enough of you for the day.

You didn't exactly trust him after he'd formed an alliance with Luffy. And it wasn't your place to tell Luffy what to do. This was his crew, after all. So you followed after Law to keep an eye on him instead. You were sure he didn't appreciate it when you screamed your head off after decapitating Vergo.

“GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! I CHOPPED HIS FREAKING HEAD OFF!!!!”

Despite it, you crouched down next to him. Offering the blanket you'd brought.

“You're sitting like a shrimp.” You pointed out his slumped over posture.

Law straightened up immediately. A noticeable red tinge spread across his cheeks. He ignored your outstretched hands.

“You can relax, you know? Caesar’s not going anywhere.” You tried to sway.

“With your crew? I wouldn't be surprised if he escapes in five minutes.”

Now, your crew didn't exactly have the best track record with hostages. Or any record for that matter. You'd admit defeat. Just this once.

“Fair enough. How about I keep you company instead?”

“I don't need any distractions,” he rejected. 

But you wouldn't be deterred that easily. Before he could react, you draped the blanket over his shoulders. His body stiffened in shock. Glaring up at you soon after. 

“Take it. Or you'll get sick, Doctor.” The emphasis on the word doctor wasn't lost on him.

As if he would be a fool to get sick given his title. He refused to be chastised. Especially by a Strawhat. Although he noticed the small shiver you gave.

“You're the one who's gonna get sick.” He argued.

“Worried about me?”

“Worried you'll spread your disease.”

You gave a laugh and sat next to him.

Oh yes, how stubborn you'd been. Your previous positions now reversed. You supposed karma was a bitch. You’d also run out of places to storm off to. If Law decided to prod for answers, you’d turn yourself into Fujitoru and get it over with.

Instead he chastises you.

“I guess stupid runs in the family. What do you think will happen if you just quit being a pirate?”

It has to do with Luffy. Of course it did. The last two years of your life had centered around him. Joining his crew was forever attached to you now. It's bitter to think like that. You know it is. But your headspace is incredibly messed up right now. You can’t think rationally.

You sit in silence as Law continues speaking. 

“You think you can just go back to being a random civilian? You're wanted. Someone will spot you and cash in on your bounty. Given your relationship to Strawhat, you'll probably be executed if you’re caught.”

You wish you could've said you weren't listening, but you were. They were all points you hadn't been thinking of when you ‘quit.’ Your emotions clouding your judgment. Your emotions were still clouding your judgment. 

“And who the hell is gonna drop you off back to your home? Me and Luffy have business in Wano. I doubt the revolutionaries will take you back either.”

You hate that he's right. Not even Garp could take you in at this point. If you really did quit, getting off of Dressrosa would be a hassle. The Marines swarming the island didn't help your case either.

“Think it through first.” It's said softer this time.

Crude in every sense of the word, but it was what you needed right now. Someone to tell you to quit acting like a child throwing a tantrum. 

It reminded you of Ace. 

He doesn't ask you to stay. He doesn't question your outbursts. And he doesn't try to make excuses for Sabo. But he doesn't let you stew in your thoughts either. He looks at you from the corner of his eye. His posture is very much stiff. Awkward. Like he doesn't know what to say or how to say it. 

The noise in the hideout picks up once more. Though you can still feel worried eyes on you. Your crying has stopped. That's at least one positive. 

“Why'd you do it?” Law asked at last.

You knew what he was referring to. Getting in Doflamingo's way to protect him. You wish you could've had an answer for him. You didn't owe him anything through Luffy's alliance. You were sure Law didn't consider the two of you friends. Your actions were just as baffling to you as they were to him. 

You shrug your shoulders. 

“I don't know.”

“What do you mean you don't know?”

“I guess it was just force of habit. I used to protect Luffy like that when he'd get himself into trouble. I didn't have my weapon, so I'd use my body as a shield.”

It doesn't answer his question. If anything, it leaves him more confused. Why would you go out of your way like that? Getting shot, kicked, and sliced… And for what? You couldn't have been that selfless. No one was.

Then again, Luffy had freed an entire country because a girl fed him. 

“It's gonna get you killed one day.” He warns.

“Yeah but not today.”

For a split second, a ghost of a smile graces your face. You seemed to have calmed down. Though Law couldn't be so sure. You'd turned away Luffy of all people. Still, you weren't curled into yourself anymore. 

And a few minutes later, you'd leaned your head on his shoulder. Eyes fighting to stay open. Fatigue claiming you after what had to be the worst day of your life. He freezes. 

You passed out on his shoulder and he's scared. What the hell was he supposed to do? You were emotionally exhausted, so definitely not wake you up. He didn't need you drooling all over him, so definitely not let you stay there. You're so vexing he thinks he should just use his power to move you to a bed. 

But he doesn't.

Instead he chooses to pick you up, carrying you towards your brothers. They look up at him. One in confusion and the other with apprehension.

“She cried herself out. Here.” He extends your slumbering body forward, hoping one of them would take you. That one of them would know what to do. 

But it's Luffy. So of course he throws all expectations out the window.

“You should keep her. She fell asleep with you, so I think she wants you around. She'd probably get mad if me or Sabo were there when she woke up.”

He really should have just left you alone. He wouldn't have been put in this position if he did. 

“You've gotta be kidding me.” He muttered.

Law waits for the other one to respond. The revolutionary. But he doesn't. He looks like he wants to, but he's holding himself back. The whole family is infuriating. For putting him in this position specifically. (Though the blame is mostly on himself for approaching you in the first place.)

With no other option, he brings you to one of the spare beds the revolutionaries had prepared. You'd need water when you woke up. You probably dehydrated yourself with all your crying. 

He shouldn't care.

There's a glass of water next to your bedside when you wake. 

The morning is significantly less tense. No sign of the Marines so far. Everyone can rest for now. You linger in the small space you'd been placed in last night. Not yet ready to face the day. Or rather, not ready to face either one of your brothers. 

Luffy had kept his distance from you. Though you could see it in his face that he wanted to reach out to you. You couldn't help but feel guilty. You never were good at being upset at him. Something he'd unintentionally exploited. But your mind was still a little fuzzy. You needed more space before you'd be ready to talk.

You isolated yourself once again to think. And like yesterday, Law decided to sit next to you. The only one who pushed his luck to be next to you after you'd lashed out. 

Usopp was terrified to say the least. Franky figured it wasn't his place to get involved with you and Luffy's affairs. Zoro was indifferent but understood you needed space. And Robin wasn't the type to push people. 

You didn't miss the rowdiness much. Not when everything had been so hectic. Your brain equated the quietness to peace. It was easier on your cluttered thoughts. There weren't many words exchanged between you and Law. And once again you were grateful.

His presence there but not pushing.

You supposed you granted him a similar kindness before this mess started. Finding him on the Sunny by his lonesome once more. You’d decided to ask the question that had been weighing heavily on your mind. 

The target of this pirate alliance. 

You were only asking for your little brother's benefit. Always about Luffy. Always for his safety. Because it was just the two of you now. You were just one year older than him, but that was enough.

“Why Doflamingo of all people?”

Law had looked at you with a scowl. You knew better than to take it to heart. If he was really upset at you, then he would've used his powers to teleport you somewhere else. 

“It's none of your business,” he said almost defensively. 

You’d let out a tired sigh. His moodiness was familiar, however, it was still draining to deal with. You understood why he kept his guard up. Still, you just wanted to know what he was getting Luffy into. Why he was dragging him into it, no matter how petty the reason.

“If it's personal, you can just say so.”

Your words seemed to catch him by surprise. Nevertheless, you gestured behind you to where most of the crew was messing around.

“We've all got baggage here. It's not my place to tell you everyone's story, but I can tell you mine if you'd like.”

You let your offer hang in the air for a moment. Watching the tension slightly dissipate from him. 

“Besides, Luffy already decided you're his friend now. Nothing's gonna change his mind from helping you.”

Law grumbled out a ‘we’re not friends’ under his breath before addressing you fully. 

“It is personal. Way more than you could imagine.”

You offered up a smile.

“That settles that. You think Sanji has anything good ready yet?”

You'd left it. You supposed he was returning the favor now. Or at the very least pitying you. It didn't really matter anyways. You could still feel eyes on you. You didn't have to look to know it was Sabo. He'd let you and Luffy stay here and you were throwing it back in his face. He was probably looking for the best time to approach you. Wanting to fix the ever growing rift.

You weren't ready yet.

That didn't mean you weren't starting to feel like shit for yelling at him.

“Am I a bad person?” You asked after a while.

“We're pirates. We're all bad people,” Law answered. 

You'd argue going against a shitty government didn't make you evil, but you didn't want to get into that. 

“Maybe that wasn't the best phrasing. I mean, am I being selfish?”

Selfish for being angry at something that was out of Sabo’s control. Selfish for wasting what little time you had with your whole family again. 

“I should be happy he's back. There's gotta be something wrong with me.” You verbalize your scattered thoughts as best you could.

This time Law was the one letting out a tired sigh. As if he was about to explain something to a child. 

“You can't control the way you feel. No matter how stupid you're being.”

It does make you feel marginally better to know your feelings are valid. The haze in your mind clears some more. You find it in yourself to tease. Though it comes out more mockingly than you would've liked.

“Is that your diagnosis, Doc?”

He doesn't take it personally.

“Being a doctor doesn't mean I'm a therapist. Still, you should talk to him. You might find some closure.”

Closure huh? Something you never got with Ace after he died. You were too late to be there for him. Never got to tell him that yes, he was worth a war. He was worth much more than that. Sabo was a different story. He was your brother, and yet so much time had passed he was practically a stranger. 

Maybe that was why it was so much easier to be mad at him. 

But you were warming up to the idea of talking. Not forgiving him, but talking.

“I'll think about it.” At last your anger had simmered down. Left in its wake was a somber bitterness. 

“How's the arm?” You changed the subject.

Law looked down at his bandaged arm. 

“Better than not having one at all. You were an even bigger fool for that stunt.”

This time you did smile.

Luffy had been busy fighting Bellamy when you heard Law shout. You trusted your brother enough to finish things. You had faith he'd find a way to win. Without a second thought, you'd jumped back up to the rooftop.

It took you all but a second to assess the situation. Seeing Law writhing on the ground in pain. His arm a few feet away from him. Your reaction was instantaneous. Giving a swing with your scythe before charging forward. No Haki or devil fruit to protect you. 

Doflamingo, the bastard he was, laughed at your attempts to strike him. 

“You really think you can beat me?”

You sliced through his string last second. However, more quickly materialized. You blocked a kick with the hilt of your scythe, skittering a few feet back. You rebounded as fast as you could, moving once more to strike. Your attempt was thwarted as soon as it started.

He'd grabbed both ends of your weapon with the silent threat of destroying it. But when he tried to use his awakening to turn it to string, the smirk vanished from his face.

“Sea prism stone!?!”

You thought on your feet. Letting go of your beloved weapon with a shove.

“Merry Christmas asshat!”

You were a firm believer in fighting dirty, especially when you were at a complete disadvantage. If he thought he could one up you, he'd better think again. Being disarmed didn't mean you were incapable of fighting back. You kicked him where the sun didn't shine as hard as you could. 

There was disbelief in his expression before he doubled over in pain. Cursing you out as you rushed over to Law. You did your best to get him up and away from the battle despite his protests. Of course you had your ass handed to you a few moments later. 

You'd say it was worth it. Law on the other hand clearly thought differently.

“He chopped your arm off and shot you. Forgive me for having a conscience,” You justified.

“Don't do it again.” 

You were surprised by the seriousness of his tone. Trying to mask the unknown feeling settling in your gut with another tease.

“Worried about me?”

It didn't alleviate the tension like you were hoping.

“If something happens to you, Strawhat will lose it. He needs to be focused when we fight Kaido. So don't be so careless with your life.”

Another valid point. Although, you could see through his aloofness. He was genuinely concerned about you. You didn't know how to feel about that. 

“I'll think about it.”

—-----------------------------------

It’s day three and Luffy decides he can't take it anymore. The tension between you and Sabo he could let go. You two were more than capable of patching things up yourselves. But you being mad at him? He can't stand it. The thought of you quitting his crew might actually kill him. 

He can't force you to stay. He can try to convince you, but he knows how stubborn you can be. All of you were stubborn in your own ways. Even if you do decide to leave, he doesn't want it to be on bad terms. 

He's half grateful, half pissy that Law was keeping you company. Out of everyone, he was the one you let be close to you? To be fair, no one else had tried. He wishes he could peek inside your head to see what's going on. See if you still wanted space. 

Luffy decides to take his chances. Approaching you like a kicked puppy. When you were little, you were always the one comforting him when Ace and Sabo got a little rough. He remembers fake crying to you just to get them in trouble. 

But then you'd hug him and tell him he just needed to push himself harder. You'd reassure him he was just as strong. His frustrations became a little more real everytime. 

He sought you out over the other two when he was upset. He knows Ace and Sabo did too. Confiding in you because you were softer. You didn't poke fun or tease when it was serious. 

Luffy’s older now, and still your comfort means everything to him. He knows you give him more leeway than anyone else. More of a chance to talk to you. 

He feels like a child again, pressing his face to your back while hugging you tightly. You tense up. For a second, he thinks you'll get up and move away from him. 

“Are you mad at me?” He asks quietly.

It nearly breaks your heart. You give in immediately. Luffy didn't do anything wrong, and you know that. He just didn't want to see his siblings fighting. You can't stay mad at him. You never could.

“...No. I'm not mad,” you responded.

“Then don't quit.” It's pleading.

Like he was scared he'd never see you again. You wouldn't have gone through with it anyway. Law having thankfully talked some sense into you. Even if that wasn't the case, Luffy's plea would have been the thing to change your mind. 

“I won't. I was just upset. I still am. But not at you, okay?” You reassure.

He nods against your back, using his devil fruit to wrap his arms around you several times. 

“Okay.”

There's a beat of silence before he speaks again.

“I love you.”

Your response came immediately.

“Love you too, you goof.”

—--------------------------------

Day four is when you finally talk to Sabo. It wasn't in the way you expected. Or wanted for that matter. He had been keeping an eye on you since day one. Wanting to approach yet hesitating. 

You said you hated him.

He knows you didn't mean it. Hoped you didn't mean it.

It still stung though.

“She's stubborn.” Koala commented.

He would've laughed had he not felt like shit.

“She probably gets it from Ace.” 

He'd always been the one with the worst temper out of you four. Makes sense you'd pick up on it. Although you were petty enough on your own.

“I remember she got really mad at us one time because Luffy got hurt. She didn't talk to me or Ace for weeks.” The memory feels so distant now.

“What fixed it?”

“We blew a bunch of the money we saved up on a new work bench for her. Of course she was the one who made most of it anyway,” he explained.

Whereas the boys had traded off scraps, you repaired weapons. Making them look brand new when you sold them off. You were crafty for an eight year old. He wonders how much you've improved over the years.

“Don't suppose there's something in Dressrosa she wants?” 

Sabo shook his head.

Unless he could bring Ace back from the dead, he was unfortunately stuck with your ire. (He tells himself that isn't true. He's being dramatic because he's upset too.)

He could see you calmed down somewhat. You weren't isolating yourself anymore. The Surgeon of Death by your side. You were smiling at him. He remembers your smile being as big as Luffy's. Toothy to the point of showing gums. It's smaller now. Weighed down. 

A part of him is still protective over you. Watching carefully at the interaction you shared. He still remembers what him and Ace said to you when you were smaller. They'd been such children back then.

“If anyone wants to marry you, they have to beat me in a fight.” Ace declared after a boy tried to give you flowers.

Though it felt like it was coming out of nowhere for you. Your baffled expression showing as much.

“Wha? You're just gonna beat them up!” You argued.

“Not true. If they're strong, they'll win. You can't marry someone weak. We need to know you'll be in good hands.” Sabo explained.

Your frown deepened. Cheeks puffing out in a pout.

“I can take care of myself!!!” 

“You and Luffy played chicken with a beehive and bet whoever moved away first lost.” Ace pointed out. 

“I would've won if he wasn't made of rubber!”

“Our point still stands. There's nothing wrong with looking after our little sister.” Sabo have your head a pat, all the fight effectively leaving you.

“I should've been born a boy,” you mumbled.

It wasn't so much as doubting your strength, rather, they were worried someone would take advantage of yours. But they'd been too young to properly articulate it into words. 

The memory leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. You'd all changed so much. Things were so much simpler back then. You were all grown up now. More than capable enough to make your own decisions. Although you didn't have to pick one of the worst generation captains to buddy up to. 

You get up from your spot, preparing to make your way outside. You probably wanted to tinker with your scythe in private. It was one of the ways you cleared your head. 

Now was his chance. 

He was proven right in thinking you wanted to mess with your weapon. You were running your finger over the blade. It was a beautiful piece. The blade pure white with no serrated edges. Like it was a finely sharpened slab of sea prism stone. Knowing you, it probably was. You honed in your skills after all. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Can we please talk?”

You freeze. Hands tightening on the hilt of your scythe for a brief second. You won't swing on him. You'd never go that far. The both of you know that. You're just scared. Then it's frustration as you set your weapon down.

You can't avoid him forever. And he'd been respectful of your boundaries so far. You knew if you told him you didn't want to talk that he'd leave it. But you aren't that cruel. 

Closure, huh? It didn't sound so bad right now.

“I don't want you to leave hating me.” He admits quietly.

It makes your frustrations faulter. Your hands tremble ever so slightly.

“Maybe it's selfish, but I want to try and fix things. I want to be able to be there for both of you.”

For you and Luffy. 

He does something that shocks you next. He lifts up his pointer finger between you. Steadily, a flame builds up. The sight is so familiar it physically hurts. He'd won the devil fruit. Ace's fruit. You stop yourself from reaching towards your back. Where new scar tissue had covered up the original branding. No one else knew besides him. 

The flame disperses and you’re left missing its warmth. 

“I'm not Ace. I know you'd rather it be him that was here. I can't take his place. And I don't want to.” Another quiet admission.

Your bottom lip wobbles because that's not true. You loved Ace, yes, but you'd never trade one brother for the other. No matter how upset you were at one of them. 

“I don't know what the three of you went through after I left. I can't begin to imagine the pain you and Luffy went through after Ace's death. But I'm trying to be what you need right now. I can't make things better if you don't let me.”

The reason you'd been so upset in the first place resurfaces. The betrayal, the hurt, all of it. It takes everything in you to hold back that first tear.

“I wish I could have been at Marineford. I wish I could have remembered sooner. But I can't change what happened. I'm sorry.” 

You break. Everything spills out at once. You're back to screaming. Snot and tears running down your face. You couldn't keep everything in anymore.

“I know it's not your fault that you didn't remember! I know it wasn't Ace's fault that he died! But you still left us!!!!”

You're going into hysterics. Going to shove him but stopping. Choosing to fist at his jacket. He lets you despite his surprise.

“You promised you'd always be there to look after us!” It comes out as a screech. Accusing and broken at the same time.

Because you and Luffy were the babies. The ones to be protected. When the two of them were absent from your lives, you had to be the one to grow up next.

He understands now. Why you joined Luffy's crew. Your anger at his reappearance. All of it. He didn't know what happened after he was gone, but he knew enough from your reaction. 

Four. 

Then three. 

Then just you and Luffy.

Ace had been your rock growing up. You'd formed alliances like the little shits you were. Luffy clung to Sabo and you'd clung to Ace. It was no secret he'd hated you at first. Said all you'd do was hold them back. So you were surprised when you got hurt and he was the one taking care of you. Scolding and lecturing you for being so careless.

When the secret of his father got out, you were the first one to tell him it didn't matter what was in his blood. The first one to comfort him after he'd lashed out at Sabo and Luffy. 

He tried his hardest to shoo you away. Told you that you shouldn't be friends with a demon like him. That the blood in his veins was cursed. He was less standoffish with you than the other two. To be fair, you didn't say Rodger’s name. You'd only asked him why he was so upset. And when you got your answer, you did what you always did.

Make things better.

“You're not evil because of what's in your blood. I've seen the worst in people before.” You tried your best to soothe.

You swore the mark on your back still hurt. Though you knew all that was there now was scar tissue and a symbol that meant you were nothing. You smile at Ace all the same. 

“I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but you aren't anything like that. You're a good person Ace. You're not a demon or a monster. You're my brother.”

You didn't think you'd ever seen him cry before. He tried to hide it, but his sniffles gave it away. He acted much older than he was. You forgot he was still a kid like you sometimes. He needed reassurance just like anybody else. 

“I love you.” You added.

He went quiet for a second. Processing those three words over and over. It was like a shock to his system. When he finally looked at you, his expression was nothing but relieved.

“...Thank you for loving me.”

You never fully understood the weight on his shoulders after Sabo's death. Ace was a kid taking care of kids. He had to grow up in order to make sure you two didn't. And he didn't always get it right. Luffy let him know plenty of times when he was being too mean. But he did the best he could.

And when he left, he practically pleaded with you to follow suit. Your dream had always been different from theirs. You didn't want a life of grand adventure. ‘Freedom’ as they called it. You just wanted peace. To live in the quiet and get all old. 

He wanted more than that for you. He wanted you laughing and smiling everyday. Out in the open enjoying yourself instead of being cooped up in your workshop.

But you didn't take him up on his offer. So when you'd finally turned 17, he tried again. This time making it his priority to convince you to join Whitebeard’s crew. 

“It's not too late to change your mind. I'm sure Pops wouldn't mind having someone like you around. C’mon Y/n, let's set sail before Luffy gets back.”

You were undeniably happy he was doing well as a pirate. That he found himself a family out on the sea. But it wasn't the life for you, or so you tried to convince yourself. You laughed at his enthusiasm. Turning him down like you did the first time. 

Being the gremlin you knew him as, he called you lame before asking you for a favor. 

“Make me a ship powered by my devil fruit.”

And so you did. Something he made sure to brag about when he returned to the Moby Dick. You figured it was only a matter of time before he came back with another excuse to bother you. You were right.

Ace was persistent. Stubborn. Stopping by every now and again under the guise of needing the ship's weapons checked out. Making it a point to get you familiar with the crew. Introducing you as the best weapons master in the East Blue. And every time without fail, you said no. 

He left the offer up anyways. 

“You'll always be welcomed if you decide to join. All you have to do is ask, and I'll come get you.”

Luffy wasn't any different in that regard. He begged you to go with him before he left. Pulling you to the shore where he was preparing to take off.

“Come on! You can be my first crew member! It'll be so fun! Please!”

It was hard to say no to him. However, just this once you stood your ground. Besides, Ace was out there with him. And he'd probably throw a fit if he found out you set sail with Luffy instead.

“Maybe when you finally become the king of the pirates.” You hoped he would take the bait.

He did…Just not in the way you were expecting.

“I will! So why don't you just join right now?”

“That's cheating.”

“What? You don't believe in me?” He accused.

“Of course I do. I'm just giving you an incentive to do it sooner. Okay?”

He huffed and puffed about it, but he gave in.

“Fine.”

You understood Ace’s position it now that it was just you and Luffy. When it was just the two of you. You had to be the protector. Be the adult forced to make the hard decisions.

But you didn't have to anymore. And the realization that you can finally be weak again has you shaking with relief instead of anger and frustration.

You didn't want it to just be you and Luffy again.

You don't fight it when Sabo hesitantly wraps his arms around you. If there was one thing you missed most about being little, it was being engulfed in your older brothers’ hugs. A silent promise that you'd be okay. That there was always someone keeping an eye on you.

You were sobbing hysterically into his shirt. Clutching and grabbing onto whatever you could. He held you close, chin resting on your head. If Sabo’s being honest, he doesn't know how he's not crying with you. 

Maybe because you needed him to be strong right now. 

“I'm sorry. I promise you I'll be here from now on. No matter what.” He swears.

And you believe him. Sobbing out the fears and doubts you'd had for the past two years.

“I didn't know what to do! I was so scared!” You feel like a baby with how much you're blubbering. 

You missed being the smaller one. Having someone else look after you. You miss being comforted instead of being the one to comfort. 

His warmth is familiar. It feels like home. Like when the four of you were still together. It's as if everything muddling your mind has finally disappeared. His words of comfort at last reaching you. 

“I know. I'm so sorry Y/n. I'm here now.” He'll apologize as many times as you need to hear it. Letting you cry out everything you'd been bottling up. 

“I love you, okay?” He says softly. 

He fears you won't say it back. But he can live with that. He lived with it the first time.

“I love you too.” You responded once you calmed down enough.

It's enough. More than enough if he was being honest. He lets himself cry with you. He missed the three of you more than anything. And now that Ace had left you and Luffy as his legacy, he swore he'd protect the two of you from anything and everything. 

It was the first step in moving forward.

--------------------------------------------------

An: I've got the worst one piece brainrot right now y'all. I should be studying for my final tomorrow but fuck it, we ball.

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

heyy!! talking about the gyaru girl and the other girl from the tokrev game, is it true they were being mean to emma? because the gyaru girl was jealous of her? i saw it on tiktok but i wanted to be sure😭😭 what exactly happened in that event? pretty sure it was the valentines event

No that's definitely not why they clashed at all, they were a bit mean because they all wanted the same chocolates and even then no one targeted Emma, it was Emma and Hina. Basically a store was selling these chocolates that could supposedly make someone fall in love with you, Hina and Emma wanted some for Takemichi and Draken, while Love and Chiyoko want the chocolate to help Love with her boyfriend problems. They go to the store and it's really busy because this chocolate is so popular, Emma and Hina then run into Chiyoko who stops them and says they have to fight her to prove their love is strong if they wanna get past her and to the chocolates. They then beat her and she let's them through after giving them advice on where the chocolates are and wishes them luck.

Then while heading to the part of the store where the chocolates are they encounter Love. Love is determined to buy literally all the chocolate and doesn't want to let anyone else have them so cuts in line. Hina and Emma tell her off, she calls them lame then challenges them to take the chocolate from her. Hina and Emma get the chocolate then Love starts crying, they then find out the reason she wanted all this chocolate is because she and her boyfriend had a fight and she wants to make up with him and thinks this is the only way, she also doesn't know how to make chocolate so says she needs a lot. Hina and Emma try to comfort her a bit and offer to help her make chocolate. They agree and presumably go to make chocolate together. Then the event ends with Hina and Emma giving Takemichi and Draken their chocolate.

[reluctantfir0]

Hunger Games Headcanon (plus some minor SOTR spoilers)

I like to imagine in a somewhat better scenario that posts the 74th Hunger Games, when Katniss and Peeta come home, that Haymitch was forced to sober up significantly (at least for him, still drunk but not as often) because he realized these two kids in victors village did not know how to take care of themselves and he was forced to be somewhat of a guardian more often. Especially since any issues the two have, they just show up at Haymitch's house and it's gotten to a point where he just expects it. It's like post rebellion except it happens way earlier.

It's just come to his attention that Peeta lives alone because his family sucks so Haymitch just often finds Peeta in his kitchen baking and while he questioned it at first (Kid, what the fuck are you doing in my house?!?! Peeta: cookies :) ), eventually was like fuck it, and didn't bother trying to kick the kid out (and he got fresh pastries so sue him it's nice). He used to grunt or snort when Peeta would just start talking but it just came to a point where Haymitch was genuinely giving him advice and kicking him to sleep on the couch or go to bed (whether that be Haymitch guest room or Peeta's own house was determined purely on chance and it was usually Haymitch's guest room).

So great, now he has a kid to look after who's semi-moved in. It's somewhat easy, with Peeta, who is much more willing to share and talk. This doesn't stop the bad days when he sees Peeta shut down and barely talk, and Haymitch has to try and give his own talks and random quips about nothing to try and get Peeta out of his head. Haymitch hasn't held long conversations in such a long time. It's difficult, but it's progress, and seeing the kid function again takes some stress off of Haymitch's shoulders that he didn't know he had.

At least Katniss has her mom, or at least Haymitch thinks so. Because not a month later this feral, hissy teenager who reminds Haymitch of Johanna (and himself but he doesn't want to admit it) comes along and starts giving Haymitch some dead animals. (Haymitch: what are you, a fucking cat? Katniss: Take the damn rabbit Haymitch you drunk bastard).

And the same shit starts all over again except Katniss is way more closed off and guarded and moody in Haymitch's opinion but she's also hurting and Haymitch understands that. She has a tendency to walk around and find herself in the woods, sometimes sleeping in the trees, and Haymitch won't know until Peeta mentions that he hasn't seen Katniss go home yet and so now Haymitch is walking in the woods he hasn't been to since Burdock last took him, looking for Katniss and finding her curled to the side of a nice maple tree (that Burdock once showed him how to get syrup from in late winter, the both of them enjoying some fruit with it and selling it off). Haymitch doesn't say this of course, but he comes and picks her up and takes her back home, drops her in his guest bed, and goes to drink more because facing his childhood memories is tough and this girl several rooms down from him encompasses everything he ever cherished.

So now his days are spent playing reluctant babysitter (not that he calls himself this). Talking down nightmares and dragging (his) kids to go to bed and making sure they eat. He has to start locking his alcohol now so Katniss doesn't touch it. He finds his house much cleaner than it was before, mostly due to Peeta, but Haymitch stops leaving his shit around because it's depressing to see a kid take care of his clothes like a maid. He can often find Katniss or Peeta or both somewhere in his house doing random shit, or leaving notes.

Having the kids around him helps him fix himself up reluctantly, he eats better, and takes a bit more care of himself or else he gets nagged on. It's whatever, better to just take the damn shower instead of listening to Katniss yell at him for 10 minutes straight (He only knew one girl in this district before who could nag so much).

There are a lot of bad days, days filled with screaming, drunken messes, and knives being held. Some days they'll go a whole week without speaking to another. But they migrate back because it's just what happens when you only have two other people who understand you. But he will ask Peeta about what he's baking and his drawing. And eventually, Katniss will force Haymitch to go along with her on hikes in the forest and Haymitch will point at plants and feign ignorance, asking about them until Katniss gives him looks but starts talking about every one of them with a faraway look in her eye and the same excited tone Haymitch knew she got from Burdock when he pulled Haymitch into following him. Haymitch thinks he's got Katniss and Peeta figured out enough.

Everything is working out, not great, but they're living, and isn't that great for them?

Until the 75th games are called, and Haymitch sees what's happening. He thought it would be over, that Snow would be done. Of course not, and Haymitch shouldn't have left his fucking guard down for one minute.

He has both (his) kids asking that he protect the other (and it pains him that he can't, he fucking can't and Snow knows this, the fucking bastard). Haymitch can only do the one thing he knows best, and takes a swing from the bottle.

[see-y0u-space-c0wb0y]

.

[lotus-pear]

rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening

[daincrediblegg]

Guys you have to start going to brick and mortar stores again instead of buying every little damn thing online. I am so serious

[hollowsart]

-cracks knuckles-

I don't have twitter and I've never drawn a Miku before in my life, but I adore that trend happening rn and wanna drop down my two cents, so let's go with the research to make a Hatsune Miku: but she is from my family (hard to explain, but it's absolutely Texan)

[themyscirah]

Does anyone know if there was simonjess crumbs in the justice league book at the time or is it like just in their solo (meaning I need to reread that book again which I was already planning on doing but like still)

[thatdisasterauthor]

👀 i would be interested in hearing the deviantart points rant

Alrighty, the deviantART points rant. For context, I had a dA account from the time I was 12 and used it steadily until I was about 20. I was also a volunteer moderator with them for about a year, and they even offered me a job at one point. (But there was no way in heaven or hell they could've paid me enough to move to southern California, and god forbid they offer remote work.)

dA was one of the original social media behemoths. Never quite to the level of Twitter or Facebook, but if you were an artist you were on deviantART. It was a fantastic site back in its heyday. Artists got their start on there, recruiters were on there, art directors were on there, the community building features were fantastic. Yeah, it had its share of weird shit, but point me to a website that doesn't.

Multiple famous artists got their start on deviantART. Back then, it was a place you got real, legitimate work from. A place you could use to build a real, legitimate audience. The titans of early 2000s digital art that pretty much everyone knows (in the West, anyway), the ones who still have a massive effect on art styles today, basically all got their start on deviantART. It influenced the entire western culture of what art looks like on the internet, and that bled out into what art looks like everywhere else because these people made beloved shows and comics and movies and books and everything else.

But one of the best things about deviantART was that it was created at a time before everyone decided social media had to be slimmed down to its barest bones. It was a complex site, and there was a lot to it. That made it really easy for all levels of artists (and just plain art enjoyers) to use, and easy for them to make it function in a way that worked for them. This fostered a great environment where people of all skill levels could interact, share knowledge, and just absorb skills from one another.

Now, one area deviantART didn't initially cater to people was built-in payment options. They had a print shop you could upload your work to, but it was like Redbubble or Printful; merch selling, not custom work selling. So if artists wanted to offer commissions, they'd have to take payments elsewhere. (Usually Paypal.) Which was fine! That worked great!

But, well. Corporations gonna corporate. I forget the exact year, but one day they launched a new feature called Points. Points were a site specific currency, and they were one of the first (if not the first) to have such a thing. There were also some other things launched with it, including the ability to accept commissions with points as payment. You could also use points to buy site subscriptions, badges, stuff from the print shop, etc., or you could gift them to other people. You could also cash them out for real currency, for a fee (I wanna say the fee was 10%, and less if you were a subscribed user, but I can't remember exactly).

The conversion rate for Points was 1 Point=1US cent. Which seems fine on the surface! But the problem was psychological, because what they didn't do was actually make it look like that. Points instead looked like dollars, because there was no equivalent to actual CENTS in the Points ecosystem. So, for example, lets say you want to charge one dollar for something. That would look like this:

$1

P100.

Or ten dollars for something:

$10

P1000

Or a hundred dollars for something:

$100

P10000

See the problem? They're the same VALUE, but points just look massively bigger. This was especially a problem for people who didn't know what the conversion rate was because they just didn't know, or they were from other countries and REALLY didn't know because it wasn't related to their own currencies at all. (I think there was also a max amount of points you could charge for a commission, like a couple hundred dollars worth maybe? It was low when you converted it to real currency, if I'm remembering correctly.)

It devalued the art market like a knife to the gut. People were suddenly taking commissions for literal pennies just because the numbers LOOKED bigger. And because deviantART was such a hub for the art community, it bled out elsewhere. Prices started to dip other places too, because people who DID understand the conversion rate knew they could go on deviantART and get shit for super cheap from the people who didn't know or care. Which made other people lower their prices to compete, and it just resulted in a spiral to the bottom.

Would the art market have still tanked in the same way without the introduction of Points on dA? Maybe. But Points were the first domino to fall, and they were a massive one. The art market has never recovered even though deviantART has been 90% dead for going on a decade.

So yes. There's my internet history rant on Points and art values. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[nanaslutt]

welcome to my smau list!! ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

౨ৎ feel free to send an ask to my inbox if u have an idea for a smau (no suggestive prompts for under 18 characters) ౨ৎ

jjk smaus

✿ asking jjk men if you can hold their 🍆 while they pee

✿ showing the jjk men ur new piercings

✿ asking the jjk men if you can peg them

✿ changing “babe” to autocorrect to “whore” in their phone

✿ “shes busy rn”

✿ leaving without telling the jjk guys

✿ “he’s busy rn”

✿ getting ur nails the color of their tip

✿ forbidden relationships

✿ drawing a heart with their tip

✿ baby fever

✿ drunk texting the jjk men

✿ jjk men having a wet dream about you

✿ asking them for a hand pic

✿ jjk mean reacting to their contact name

✿ asking jjk characters what their fav sex act is

✿ telling the jjk guys you spent $200 on tire air

✿ “wrong person” nudes prank

✿ jjk characters reactions to you getting harassed/ hit in

✿ jjk characters finding out you got injured

✿ ass or tits

✿ giving them suprise flowers

✿ asking the jjk characters to take your virginity

✿ telling the jjk characters you want to get them pregnant

✿ getting flowers from someone else and thinking it was from them

✿ getting jealous of you hanging out with someone else

✿ stealing your panties

✿ cuddles after sex

✿ innapropreate package mixup

✿ wax my 😽

✿ sending them porn you wanna recreate

✿ when they drunk text you

✿ them asking you on a date for the first time

✿ sending nudes in the middle of an argument

✿ getting a necklace with their initial

✿ being a woman/man for a day question

✿ controlling your bluetooth vibe

✿ when you leave a kiss mark on them

✿ asking you to stay the night for the first time

✿ the call ending after you fall

✿ “they just left you can come over now”

✿“if i gave you a pass to call me a bitch how would you use it”

✿ “i didn’t finish last night“ prank

✿“i got arrested”

✿ when they find ur smut

✿ editing them to look bad in a photo

✿ accidentally sending them nudes (pre relationship)

✿ the jjk characters sending you gym pics

✿ getting scared watching a scary movie

✿ finding out they punched ur stuffed animals

✿ when they see you in someone else’s jacket

✿ asking them their fav pet name is in bed

✿ when you start your period unprepared

✿ when you see them with another girls belongings

✿ asking them if they like having sex with you

✿ asking them for happy trail pics

✿ when they ask for nudes and you send an unsuggestive pic

✿ asking them if they have a crush on you

✿ when they find ur toy

✿ anxious before ur wedding

✿ taking pics of you when you fall asleep

✿ asking them for a whimper audio

✿ when they cheat on you

✿ having a dream they cheated on you

✿ when they get hit on/harassed

✿ the morning after ur first time having sex

✿ accidentally saying i love you for the first time before ending the call

✿ asking them if they only like you for sex

✿ offering them head to relax them

✿ asking them to kill a spider for you

✿ their reactions to a sexy picture you posted

✿ pregnancy scary

✿ ”sex has been boring” prank

✿ their card declined prank

✿ getting lost in public

✿ asking them if you can stack donuts on it

✿ asking them to pick out a new toy for you

✿ waking up in their body

✿ them reacting to you crying over a dumb video

✿ catching them masturbating

✿ getting a noise complaint

✿ when they catch you masturbating

✿ when they catch you singing

✿ finding a hair that isn’t urs

✿ telling them their nut tastes bad

✿ trying anal

✿ comforting you when you’re burnt out

✿ when they take an aphrodisiac

✿ asking them to find ur 😽 in a lineup

✿ asking them how much money they have

✿ asking about a threesome

✿ what’s their sexual fantasy?

✿ asking them if they’ll put it in soft

✿ slapping their ass and running away

✿ asking them for their friends number

✿ selling their stuff online prank

✿ asking if they’d get a genital piercing

✿ making them sleep on the couch

✿ asking what their body count is

✿ asking them to give you a hickey