#what does intention matter if the end result is still the same?

[cozymochi]

Coziiii I gotta know, if Nyoka were to ever have a lover how would he be around them? What’s his love language, how attentive to them is he, does he communicate well with them, etc?

Hmm. Normally, I swerve this sorta thing due to the genre of the series I shoved him in being so lover-phobic (half joking). But, lately, I’ve been having a change of heart in terms of just letting hypotheticals roll. (That, and I finally have an answer to toy with.)

Disclaimer: Solely about an established relationship, no courting mention, no mention of the type of person this hypothetical “lover” is since it’s mostly irrelevant to the question.

Nyoka is the kind of person who is awkward about communicating any feelings outright. He wants to be taken seriously, so using flowery words of love are not exactly in his vocabulary. So, no words of affirmation here, that would have to be displayed through what he does for them instead.

His love language is a mix of quality time and acts of service. He would give undivided attention; actively listen and engage in meaningful conversations.

He’s one to plan out activities without distraction and create special moments. It’s hard to pin if he would even bother being traditionally “romantic” considering he rarely, if ever, would want to stray away from being taken seriously.

At most, giving undivided attention and allowing this person to be in his shared presence for as long as they would like is perfectly acceptable.

In an established relationship, Nyoka would already consider this person as a prospective member of his clan and as such, he would like them to act befitting of the family name. Mind, this is something he values highly for himself and takes pride in, so he considers valuing something similar for this person to be also of upmost importance.

Nyoka would probably try to have this person to shape up and exhibit more dignity and stronger manners to his level, however, would not want this person to be meek or weak-willed either if in an established relationship.

If this was pre-established relationship or from anybody else, a cold correction or scathing investigative question would happen at any faux pas. He’s too serious and is naturally skeptical of people and always would want to investigate their intent. However, since this person is in a different status in his mind now, he would not be as inclined to do so. If there is an established relationship at all that means all the barriers got broken down already, so there’s really no reason to get into it.

He would do unspoken tasks, like go out of his way to make sure they wake up on time, eat when they are supposed to, or make sure they are doing their own obligations in a timely fashion. Nyoka can be rather butler-like at the end of the day. He will act on his own accord but just as easily do what he’s asked to at this person’s request.

He is NOT one for spoiling nor coddling despite all of the above, however.

All that being said, he probably would not want that person to change drastically for his sake at all.

Nyoka would still have his own habits, and he might not voice it, but he would want that person to know that he does care immensely. He ultimately wouldn’t want them to feel any kinds of the same pressure and burdens that he imposes on himself all the time as a result of his upbringing.

He probably would sacrifice his own pride and values for that person if it came down to it. Which is probably pretty important of a demonstration of how serious he is if words aren’t substantial.

…

Not that it matters, none of this is going to occur anyway amirite lol

Well this was only really about communication and love language so I guess I’ll stop here prematurely. It’s a read more cut anyway.

[To be continued if prompted by somebody else cuz god knows I have issues about being shameless at all 👍 Assuming any of this was read. Probably not. Who knows. This ask showed up months ago.]

P.S said person would be allowed to do this to him.

[yet-another-heathen]

On the topic of realistic conditioning/deconditioning,

If the trigger is something whumpee wouldn't hear often when they're with caretaker but whumpee still wants to break it because they might hear it elsewhere (like kneel being taken as a command)

Would whumpee ask caretaker to casually trigger them so they have the opportunity to challenge it in their own head and in a safe place? Would this be a good idea for recovery?

And of course being there with the praise everytime whumpee makes just a little bit of progress, or comfort when they don't.

Heads up, anon: your ask was an EXCEPTIONALLY good one, and I ended up writing another mini TED talk (~3-4 min read) in response. Thank you so much for sending it in!

...on Conditioned Whumpees - Part 3

[ Part 1 - Part 2 ]

That is a very, very good idea! You're spot on with all of it, particularly operating in a safe environment where whumpee is ultimately calling the shots. Having that comfort/support readily available will make a huge difference in how well whumpee can tackle the matter. And while the process isn't fun, approaching desensitization with this much intent is much, much more likely to result in success.

I can offer a few pointers that can add another few layers of realism, as well as some other things to think about while tailoring it to your story:

if whumpee is actively working through their conditioning in this way, memories of their trauma will become closer to the surface. As a result, all of their other PTSD symptoms will be elevated during the course of their practice sessions, as well as for at least a few weeks after.

flashbacks are a very common experience during times like this. engaging with triggers like this is going to cause their flashbacks to become more frequent and intense.

during such flashbacks, it is almost a given that whumpee's mind and body will enter a similar state to the one it was in during the time when the flashback was taking place. By that I mean that the fear they felt in that moment, where it was physically located in their body, will echo into their body in the present moment. Same goes for other all other emotions, and sometimes even phantom aches surrounding any injuries they received at the time...

while the emotions tend to be identical to the ones felt during the trauma, in my experience, the pain comes out distorted in a similar way to the way it does in dreams: less intense, and more "blurry" and imprecise in location. When we say that someone having a flashback is "reliving the moment", we mean that their body literally feels as though they're in the same immediate danger that it was in back then.

this is true even though they'll be aware to at least some degree that they're presently with caretaker and safe.

the flashbacks don't always happen immediately after the conditioning trigger is used. Often they flare up hours or days later, sometimes without warning, sometimes as a result of encountering a different flashback trigger. The whumpee's thresholds for what counts as a trigger will drop, which is part of what causes the flashbacks to happen more often. Something they could normally ignore is going to affect them much more while they're like this.

your whumpee is more likely to experience severe mood swings while in this heightened state. Especially feelings like irritability, frustration, anger, loneliness, and grief. This stuff ain't pretty, folks. Even your sweet cinnamon bun is most likely going to lash out at someone as a result.

PTSD episodes are also exhausting. your whumpee is going to feel mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. And, to add insult to injury, being tired amplifies the emotions listed above.

Now all of this said, your whumpee may or may not know that this is to be expected. If they've worked on processing their trauma before this, they'll have figured out that one often leads to the other. They'll go into the deconditioning practice knowing this is coming, and will approach it carefully, but with a fairly level head. Knowing that it'll suck, but they'll come out the other side okay.

If not, they're in for a rather nasty surprise.

For the latter, they will feel at first that the deconditioning practice is making everything worse. They're suddenly struggling the way they did when the trauma was fresher, and it can be tempting to stop and refuse to touch it again because the mental/emotional pain gets so intense.

If they do give up at this stage, it will make trying again far more daunting in the future.

But the trauma being stirred up is actually a sign that it's helping. It means that the whumpee is starting to process what happened to them, which is a fundamental step in being able to heal.

Note: All throughout the process, crying is a very good thing. It lets them physically get rid of a lot of the brain chemicals associated with these surges of emotion. Letting themselves cry over things they couldn't cry about back then can actually help them let go of those feelings in a similar way to if they'd been able to process them in the moment. [Which is the basis for much of EMDR, a specialized tool used in trauma therapy.]

Okay. So now we know what other effects can cascade from the actual deconditioning practice, now we have some things to consider.

First off, what time parameters are whumpee and caretaker working within while deconditioning? There are three basic options:

they sit down together and practice repeatedly using the trigger for [X amount of time; usually <45m at once] back to back. Once that time is up, caretaker will no longer use the trigger at all, the excercise will end, and they'll get up to do something else.

whumpee sets a specific window of time [X number of hours] within which caretaker will use the trigger word at random points. Once that time has elapsed, the exercise is over.

over the course of days, caretaker uses the trigger word at random points without giving warning. the excercise only stops after being ended by whumpee.

Now why is that important? Because of something called hypervigilance. It is another symptom of PTSD which, to put it into the simplest words, is whumpee waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a heightened state of tension and wariness in which whumpee is expecting that something bad is going to happen, and is constantly searching for any sign to indicate when it's coming.

It is beyond exhausting.

Imagine knowing that someone is about to slap you as hard as they can, and you have to sit there with your eyes closed, waiting for it. The breath-holding, the flinchiness, the rigid tension in your body as you strain to listen for when they're coming.

Only now, stretch that moment out into hours. Days. Weeks. That is hypervigilance.

A hypervigilant whumpee is not going to be able to relax. Or rest. Or decompress. Or readily trust much of anything around them. They're MUCH more likely to flinch at sudden movements/sounds. They might start biting their nails or showing other signs of nervousness and distress.

These methods above have a gradually increasing chance of setting off whumpee's hypervigilance. If they know exactly when the next trigger is coming, as in example 1, then their 'waiting for it' tension will be low. But the more uncertain they become of exactly when it's going to happen, as in examples 2 & 3, the worse the hypervigilance is going to get.

The trade off is that the later examples are more effective in desensitizing them toward the trigger. The more their practice mimics encountering an unexpected trigger in day-to-day life, the easier it will be to fall back on that desensitization when the time comes.

Therefore, it would be a very good idea for a whumpee who's new to this to start with number 1, then gradually progress to 2 & 3 as time goes on. They should be the one to decide when the next step is made, and if/when they need to dial it back.

Other questions to ask yourself while plotting:

how mentally prepared is whumpee for worsening symptoms? what about caretaker? did either of them know it was coming?

how much of this heightened PTSD stress can your whumpee take before it becomes too much? how do they react when they do hit that tipping point?

if caretaker feels that whumpee is getting too distressed during practice even though they're not tapping out, would they call it off themself? Or would they ultimately leave that decision to whumpee?

based on the answer, how would whumpee feel about caretaker's decision? Relieved? Belittled? Betrayed?

does whumpee have any grounding tools they can use while practicing?

how does caretaker handle the mood swings and instability that come with whumpee's heightened PTSD? You should consider both their internal and external reactions on the matter.

how does whumpee prefer to decompress after a practice session? what things would help them calm down and recover?

how long do they need (hours or days) before the next attempt?

Even with all I've just written, there's far more to the resulting hightened state of PTSD than flashbacks and hypervigilance. PTSD symptoms that they're most likely to encounter in the background while doing deconditioning practice include:

Flinchiness, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, exhaustion, emotional mood swings, outbursts, crying spells, depression, executive dysfunction, dissociation, numbness, racing thoughts, freeze responses, tremors, inappetence, muscle tension, and heart palpitations.

Yes, usually many of them at once, even those that contradict. Your whumpee is going to have a LOT going on at once, and it is not going to be a fun time. I recommend looking up any of the above symptoms you don't recognize, and looking for whump inspiration in what you learn.

(Because everyone experiences PTSD episodes differently, there's a lot of wiggle room in which ones whumpee will encounter. Don't feel pressured to use all of them, find what you want to write and have fun with it!)

Thanks again for the incredible ask, anon. And again, I want to congratulate you on how spot-on your original ask was. You nailed it. I know this was a lot more than you asked for, but I hope this provides helpful context for your whump! My inbox will always be open if you think of anything more <3

[bleue-flora]

[original post]

@marshymashers hope it's okay to respond to you in a post, my answer was getting too long, so here we are. :)

First off, Tubbo isn't autistic. He has stated on multiple occasions [clip] [clip] that he isn't and it is none of our business to question him or diagnose him. That is incredibly disrespectful to Tubbo and anyone actually diagnosed with autism. He has stated that all the way back in 2022 that he is not, so please refrain from going around diagnosing people in real life and spreading false information. It is none of our business what diagnosis someone does or does not have unless they want to come forward and tell us.

Yes, Tubbo is dyslexic, as am I, which does mean he is neurodivergent, however dyslexia and autism are not the same.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): "Autism spectrum disorder is a neurological and developmental disorder that affects how people interact with others, communicate, learn, and behave." [link]

According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NIH): "Some of the most common learning disabilities are the following: Dyslexia. People with dyslexia have problems with reading words accurately and with ease (sometimes called “fluency”) and may have a hard time spelling, understanding sentences, and recognizing words they already know." [link]

In my post, notice I am not talking about neurodivergence as a whole, but specifically autism and the effect it has on communication and behavior. I also did not and have not said that autism excuses behavior nor is any type of shield to be used to paint Dream as innocent. Again, my point here was not about the wrongdoings, but about the communication I have seen over the past few days that speaks to a pattern that I have experienced over and over for 20 years that only after my diagnosis and people willing to hear me out as a result has subsided. I am talking about a 3 hour stream where Tubbo and Dream repeated the same things to each other over and over and couldn't seem to understand each other no matter how many times they said it. That is what I am talking about. Because I believe not that autism should be used as a shield but as a lens to view the situation more clearly.

All I'm saying is if people went into the discussion with the mindset that this could be a moment of autism misunderstanding not malicious or manipulative intent, then it would be more productive. Instead over and over the assumption is that Dream has ill intent so everything that is rumored and hinted at or said is viewed under that lens.

For example, it is a very common characteristic of an autistic person (or person with adhd) to mix up names. So, on one hand, people could see Dream calling Tubbo "Tommy" multiple times in that stream as Dream not seeing them as separate people and only seeing Tubbo as Tommy's best friend, and using Tubbo as a way to talk to Tommy, or whatever. But in reality, I can say with absolute certainty that Dream just screwed up the names on accident, as is common place for autistic people. There was no ill intent behind it in the slightest, it was simply an accident. That's all. Do you see the difference? By constantly viewing Dream under a lens of malicious intention we are mistaking what could just be a more innocent moment of autistic difference for wrongdoing. And all I'm saying is that until people give Dream the benefit of the doubt or grace that it could be an autism miscommunication, things will never resolve or change.

And yes, execution is at the end of the day the result and it doesn't matter whether you meant to hurt someone or not, you still did. But knowing intention is the difference between Dream being an imperfect autistic guy versus a movie villain. And whether rumors about him should be taken at face value to be true or whether we should give Dream the benefit of the doubt first.

In addition, if we don't take into consideration that Dream sees a situation differently because he's autistic and therefore an explanation of his wrongdoing may not make sense to him, then we are going to just assume he isn't taking accountabilty when in fact, he really just doesn't understand. In the same way, that Tubbo doesn't understand his reasoning.

For example, with the perception that Dream and his friends are misongynistic and sexist:

Tubbo's reasoning:

there are multiple accusations you haven't refuted of you calling a woman a whore + you singled out Aimsey and Hannahrose in your stream + you disrespected Caiti in that situation by getting involved and sending hateful fans after her + downplayed your involvement and the situation's point by not including it in your vid => you are sexist and misongynistic and need to clean up your act with how you treat woman.

Dream's reasoning:

there are multiple accusations you don't refute of you calling a woman a whore there is one accusation that I don't remember but don't want to call someone a liar, from awhile ago when I used whore more in my joking slang with my close friends + you singled out Aimsey and Hannahrose in your stream in my stream I mentioned many creators, including Aimsey and Hannahrose, to highlight my points about rumors, misconceptions and mispeaking + you disrespected Caiti in that situation by getteing involved and sending hate after her I provided information as I was a witness of a situation involving my best friend + downplayed your involvement and the situation's point by not including it in your vid I didn't include it in the video as Tommy didn't call me out for doing something in it and the situation is George's and Caiti's to discuss not mine => you are sexist and misgynistic and need to clean up your act with how you treat woman contrary to Tommy's statement I am not sexist or misogynistic, nor are my friends as there is no proof.

I don't think Dream is trying to dodge accountability, because (unlike some creators) over and over we have seen him own up, apologize and admit he was wrong or out of line and try to make things right in a reasonable manner. He has proven that he can and does take accountability, in this instance he just simply doesn't see why he needs to as he doesn't follow Tubbo's train of thought and reaches a different conclusion, in the same way Tubbo isn't following Dream's train of thought... anyways I really hope that makes sense or clears things up for at least someone lol. :)

[frommybookbook]

Earlier today, some friends and I were discussing one of those Star Trek captains memes. You know the ones I’m talking about, the ones that pit the captains against each other with pithy descriptions that glorify and champion the men and shit on Janeway. The ones where Picard is describe as the wise teacher and scholarly diplomat; Kirk is the brave trailblazer and lovable rogue; Sisko is the take-no-shit commander and more-than-human uniter; Archer is the quick thinking explorer and the avenging do-gooder; Pike is the empathetic Boy Scout and the quippy everyman…and Janeway is an irrational murderer and erratic loose canon. And, as usual, I went on a bit of a rant. They (looking at you @redsesame, @epersonae, and @emi--rose) told me to share it here so, if you trudge through this whole thing, blame them.

Does Janeway make some questionable decisions throughout VOY (Prodigy!Janeway is a different conversation for another time)? Yes, absolutely. But here’s the thing: every captain does. What I still love about her though and will champion until I'm blue in the face is that Janeway owns her decisions more than I think any other captain does.

Picard and Kirk hide behind the Prime Directive a lot. That's the reasoning Picard gives for not interfering in the drug running in “Symbiosis” and leaving the Ornarans trapped in dependence on the abusive Brekkans. His line, “Beverly, the Prime Directive is not just a set of rules. It is a philosophy, and a very correct one. History has proved again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well-intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous." is a cop-out we hear from him time and time again, especially to Dr. Crusher, as she is the one who most often calls him on his bullshit.

Kirk does the same thing. We still this when he leaves Shanna and the other thralls behind in "The Gamesters of Triskelion" and when he forces Elaan of Troyius into a marriage she clearly doesn't want because it's "for a greater good." And all the while, he's got Spock at his side giving him confirmation bias that he's following regulations.

And Sisko, Sisko makes some of the most horrific and destructive decisions of any captain and uses not only the Prime Directive to fall back on, but he's got the Dominion War to blame. He poisons an entire planet to get back at one man he feels betrayed him in "For the Uniform" and don't even get me started on his actions in "In the Pale Moonlight".

Enterprise is so unjustly shat on by the fandom that I almost hate to bring some of Archer's questionable choices into this conversation but I'm going to do it anyway. Similar to Sisko and the Dominion War, Archer has the threat of the Xindi in his back pocket to excuse some of his worst behavior. If Tuvix is the worst thing people can point to for Janeway, then we have to talk about Archer and Sim, the simbiont created solely to be a living tissue donor for an injured Trip, a procedure that will kill the living, breathing, sentient Sim. Archer orders Sim created against the arguments made by Dr. Phlox. He rationalizes his decision with the same argument for the greater good that we see from all the others. He says to T'Pol before Sim is created "…we've got to complete this mission. Earth needs Enterprise. Enterprise needs Trip. It's as simple as that." And it doesn't end there. When Sim is grown enough for the procedure and has figured out what's going to happen to him, he challenges Archer himself, arguing for his own right to live, and Archer sticks to his guns. This exchange directly between Archer and Sim is haunting.

Archer: I must complete this mission; and to do that, I need Trip. Trip! I'll take whatever steps necessary to save him. Sim: Even if it means killing me? Archer: Even if it means killing you. Sim: You're not a murderer. Archer: Don't make me one.

Not only do all of these captains (except Archer, who arguably writes the damn thing himself at the end of the series) have the Prime Directive to fall back on, they also have Starfleet/the Federation/Vulcan High Council right there on speed dial to validate their choices and hear their excuses and give them another commendation. They all know that ultimately, they can turn to someone higher in command to turn to for help.

Janeway is alone. She is alone with her crew 70,000 lightyears from home with only her training and her own moral compass to guide her. Yes, she claims the Prime Directive a lot but she also goes with what she feels is right and she is clear about that with her crew. When she makes the decision to split Tuvix, despite what everyone else says, she sticks to it and more importantly, does the procedure herself. Picard would have forced Beverly to do it, saying Doctor I gave you an order, your conscience be damned, and Archer does the same to Phlox with Sim, but Janeway takes the tool out of the Doctor's hand and says it's my call, I'll do it. When everyone is angry and mad about her destroying the Caretaker's array, she stands up for her decision and says yes, I did it, because it's what my Starfleet training said to do AND because I think it was the right thing and it's on me to make the hard choices.

She also can admit when she made the wrong decision, which isn't something we see from the other captains. In the season 5 opener, "Night", we see her in a depressive state because she's questioning her decision to effectively strand her crew in the Delta quadrant but she comes out of it when she's reminded by her senior staff that the crew believes in her and trusts her, she should do the same for herself. When the Doctor has a mental crisis in "Latent Image" after questioning his own choice to save the life of Harry Kim over that of another crew member, Janeway admits she did the wrong thing by first deleting his memories of it so he could get back to work and then sits with him for days while he works through it because that's what captains do.

And she does all of this without the backup and support of Starfleet. She doesn't have anyone higher on the chain of command. She's 70,000 miles away from the admiralty and her support system. There's no one higher than her to give her a break from making every decision.

To quote my fellow Missourian Harry Truman, for Janeway the buck stops with her in a way it doesn't for any other captain and she is painfully aware of that and owns that and that is why I love her and she's my captain.

[runespoor7]

I've been thinking about the time post-canon where WGXN break out of the honeymoon phase because LWJ gets hurt. Maybe protecting WWX; that'd be the worst.

It's not a break-up; it's just LWJ realizing that WWX isn't acting quite the same. It's the glance LWJ's side when WWX brags about his husband. It's the bragging being less hyperbolic and LWJ not being sure if WWX's laughter is fake. Not relying on LWJ as much. Not mentioning details relevant to their night-hunts to LWJ. The more it goes on the less LWJ is being trusted by WWX, and LWJ is unable to find a way to change this. When LWJ grabs WWX and insists upon his devotion to WWX, WWX replies that of course he knows! LWJ tells WWX that he'll never let anything happen to WWX, but he's not sure WWX believes him.

Anyway LWJ is feeling some kind of way about being frozen out of WWX's confidence, not that he's put it in those words, and then they find themselves on a night-hunt with YMJ - it's a night-hunt with an investigation part so it takes them a while, and SLJ is there, which LWJ usually hates but isn't even his least favorite thing about the endeavour at the moment. LWJ isn't paying as much attention (glaring) to SLJ as usual, he's too busy with trying to regain WWX's trust being sad being focused on his relationship with WWX.

WWX and LWJ do spend some more time than usual with JC, ostensibly coordinating the night-hunt, really because spending time with JC is easier than WWX remembered (not least because it means not being alone with LWJ). Huh! JC has changed. No longer quite the pathetic, petty, weak boy WWX enshrined in his memory.

At the end of a conversation, when WWX has flit away and LWJ is brooding, and for some reason JC didn't leave yet and is still with LWJ, JC gives a little sigh. "So it's started, then."

LWJ looks at him. He wants JC to shut up and go away - he always wants JC to shut up and go away - but he also wants to know what JC means.

"He's started walling off. What did you do that made him lose confidence in you? He couldn't talk your strength too high and now he's finding excuses not to let you investigate on your own."

LWJ bristles. "You dont--"

The denial dies off on its own. What would he say? SLJ makes what is happening into a bad thing. But isn't it a bad thing, isn't it something LWJ wishes would go away? But he makes it something LWJ's did, but LWJ didn't mean to - but does LWJ's intent matter, when the result is letting WWX down? It feels unfair; it feels deserved. Would LWJ rather JC make it into WWX's fault somehow? Simply imagining JC casting WWX as the culprit makes anger swell in LWJ's belly.

He stares at JC, mute.

The corner of JC's lips twist in something that's not quite a smile. "Did you think it would never happen to you?"

LWJ hears the echo of the question he's thought about JC for years. Did you think you were good enough for him?

I've been thinking about it a lot.

The isolation and alienation of your loved one denying you the acknowledgement that there's something wrong; the loneliness of carrying a relationship with someone who's neatly slid you out of the people he's willing to be vulnerable with; the unbearable kinship with someone you hate, someone your loved one left behind, someone you're horrified to realize went through the same, like a mirror the future holds out to you.

[threepandas]

After The War: Foxx Hunting (Prev <-)

"Commander."

On anyone else, the tone would suggest simple statement. But there was a lilt. A slight inflection, I had long learned to spot, at the end of the word. That made it a greeting. A call. Monotone filled with subtle, near untraceable mocking.

"Tired of running yet, Commander? Or do you want to struggle more? You can, if you want. I can let you. We have time. After all, it really won't change much. There's no where you can go."

Head tilted ever so slightly, at an almost an invisible angle. Posture, military perfect, impossibly so. That perfection bought with pain, torture, born out of brutal necessity. His lips quirked, in an amused curl. At just that same, impossibly slight amount. Too small and indistinct for his tormentors to notice. To take from him.

Just enough to stay human, I had thought. Too stay sane, I had hoped.

I was wrong.

My biggest mistake hunted me. Had all the power in the GALAXY now, to hunt me. All the time he could ever dream, in which to do so. And it was all my fault. Me. It had to be. I... I was the only thing that changed. Tried to make things... things BETTER!

How arrogant. Hubristic. Who the fuck was I? To think I had the RIGHT, to shape and change the fate of an entire GALAXY to my whims? I didn't even know the story. Had been GUESSING, based off STAR WARS. So... so fucking confident. A-and what did that get me? Oh god. O-Oh god!

The blaster burns on my arms and legs screamed, as I forced myself up, one more time. Always, please god, always! J-just one more time! Don't give out on me yet. Not.. not until we are safe. Then. Then! We can cry. Howl and weep, break down and scream.

(My fault. My Fault. MY FAUL-)

None of the characters were an exact match. People were and weren't where they should be. Plots happened out of sequence or not at all. So why? WHY? Did I believe so hard in the Clones? IS it because I loved, still LOVE, the Vode? Did that trust transfer? That emotional connection? Was I tricked? Or was I just a fool? Does it MATTER in the end? If the result is the same?

I brought a monster, straight to Power.

Now they're dead. All my brothers, my sisters, my mentors and friends. Dead, dead, DEAD! Glowing weapons on the ground and a temple filled with DEATH. D-Did the nurseries get out? Please, oh god, let the children have survived my mistake.

Blood stains my robes. Only a tiny fraction of it, is mine.

Sticky and slick, oily and so many colors. The blood does not mix. Too many species, too much ash from the air. If I do not clean or remove it soon? I am likely to get chemical burns, from the reactions developing on the cloth. But again and again. My mistake finds me. A pursuit predator. Intent on wearing me down.

"How long will you try, Commander? You know just as well as I do, that I can afford to wait you out. You'll drop eventually." His tone was so mild, even as his words were horrifying. Overhead, a transport kept steady pace, as I desperately ran from commandos on the streets. "How many days has it been without proper rest? Rations? To stop and think? We've survived far worse then this, Commander. For far longer. We can endure, can you?"

I pull my magic around me, through my screaming legs, to fling myself across a jump they shouldn't be able to make.

Despair surges, as behind me... I hear jetpacks. Ah. They've gotten better gear, at long last. E-Everything I've ever wished for them. Gear and food and safety, at long last! A-At long last. I have to laugh, hysterical and afraid. I just... I just never thought my wish? Would be fulfilled for the purpose of hunting me down.

(I'm so tired. Please, god. No more. Let it stop. Let this nightmare END!)

Jumping, I land in a roll on a level several floors down. The impact is ugly. Agony on my burns and bruises. I may have not taken any direct hits? But those glancing strikes? Still leave marks. Trails of seared, blistering, blaster burns. Like tiger strips. As though you hade been struck, by whip made of fire. Not to mention the concussion grenades.

Yeah, half way through the attack, the Clones had stumbled. Either broken free of the Not Sith's control or come to their senses, deciding to switch to non-lethal weapons. Probably trying to go for the capture instead of the kill. But given the sheer variety of the Knights? One Being's sedative was another's lethal toxin. And the gas attacks...

I... I'm still not even sure if... if Master Rim'Llahiy survived long enough, to get to the healers. The seizures were BAD. He... he didn't deserve that. All he'd ever done, was keep the gardens. Live a quite life. T...Try to defend his home.

Around me, as I run, screens light up. Somehow, I'm the focal point. I... I don't know how he's doing this. It has to be Sketch or Gear, one of the Slicers. Who else could hack into so many systems so easily? The... the knowledge that they're helping him? That everyone of the Guard is HELPING him hunt me? I feel sick.

Was any of it real? Was I friends with ANY of them? Or... Or was I just them happy little slave master, patting myself on the back, because I didn't beat them, unlike the others? Aren't I gracious. Don't you just love me? Say thank you for my grace. Let me feel good about my self! My pretty little charity of the day! Before I skip back off to fairy land! Leaving you all in hell.

Do I deserve this? I... I have to deserve this... right?

Even though I tried. Even though I fought and fought and FOUGHT. Even when that Not A Sith BASTARD tried to kill me at every turn, just to shut me the fuck up, and I WOULDN'T. Because they deserved to be free. Because it was WRONG. Because we took VOWS, remember? Days and days, convincing and campaigning.

I have to... to somehow, deserve this. Because? B-because if I DON'T?

Then What Have I DONE?

City levels and blocks blur together. I couldn't tell you where on this god forsaken ecumenopolis I am anymore. But the others! The others have gotten off planet by now. Surely... surely! They have escaped! Right? They HAVE too. I-It HAS to have been worth it. Becoming bait. M-making myself a target. This... this one last time?

It.. it was WORTH it. Right? Right?!

Please! Please god! Let it have been WORTH IT!!

I skid around a corner. Too tight, not judging it right in my panic, my shoulder clipping the wall hard. Scraping flesh through my robes. Just more bruises and hurt to add to the pile. I don't slow. Can't slow. Feel it but push the pain away. The crash later will be ugly, when I release the magics flowing through me. When the adrenaline fades. But... but either I will live to endure it? Or it will not matter at all.

Too late, though, I see the trap.

I have been corralled. Like a a sheep from my first life, harried by dogs into a pen. Tricked into a corner. No where left to go. The platform I thought was a street? Was an alley between two buildings, leading to a third. A perfect little killbox with only one way out. I stumble, horrified, as I register the truth too late. Spin, already knowing it's too late to double back. But hoping... HOPING....!

Jetpacks. The commando squadron of the guards, touching down at the entrance, a solid line of armor and skill. Better weapons, jet packs, upgraded armor. They... they even seem rested. For the first time in years.

A stark reversal. Now it is I, who is barely holding on. Now I am the one, who has been ground to dust, by the exhaustion of fighting without end. Of running and running. No real food and no real rest. No medicine. No help coming. I want to laugh, scream, weep. So it's to be poetic justice, is it?

But I can not give in.

Forgive me. But I can not, WILL NOT give in. Body exhausted, I draw my blade. The plasma humming as the magics charge. The alleyway fills with light. I took Vows. Owe my soul to the Galaxy and it's people. Regardless of Regime, I have service I must complete. And to do that? I have to be alive.

(I don't care, that they took over. Let them have it. But how could you? How COULD YOU?! The Temple was my home. I am a hypocrite. Here, at the end, I must face that. And now I know it to be true.)

The ship over head dips lower, kicking up a hurricane of wind. My robes whip around me, but I do not move from my opening stance. Ready, not ready, but resigned to it none the less. The Commandos are a silent wall as, from above, a rip cord descends. Clipped to it? Marshall Commander... no, Supreme Commander Foxx.

The Clones newly elected Emperor.

A man I THOUGHT was my friend.

He looked nothing like Commander Fox of the Vode. Hair too long and curling. Face deceptively young looking and boyish. Non regulation piercing hidden under the helmet all Guards wore, day in and day out. They hadn't been able to customize their armor like the others. So they customized themselves.

He wasn't in armor, now. It was somehow worse. The dress uniform an affront, a reminder, like a curse of broken glass. I... I hadn't even known he owned such a thing. It made sense, given his old position. Yet, somehow... somehow? I doubted this was the uniform he had been given. It looked... looked Regal.

"Are we done, now? Got it out of your system? Or should one of us put you on the ground first? Grind your face right against the filthy floor?"

His voice was mild as ever, as he calmly unclipped himself, let the cord retract. He tucked his hands behind his back. Strolled forward with measured steps, assessing eyes, like a general examining untested troops. Picking me apart for weakness, looking for openings in my stance. Injuries on my body. I had seen him do this before. Just... just never thought... it'd be used... a-against me. (How arrogant, I had been.)

"This can stop at any time, Commander. All you have to do? Is stop running. You don't have to worry anymore. I'm not going to hurt you. We're not going to hurt you. You've struggled long enough, don't you think? It's time to be done. To come home. Be taken care off. That's all we want to do, Darling. Commander."

"Surely you can see, that it's BETTER this way? No more war. No more Knights on sabotaged missions. Diplomats to war zones. Children where they shouldn't BE. The Order can be SAFE now. YOU can be safe now. Loved and precious as you always should have been. It's okay now, Commander. Come here. It's okay..."

Foxx's eyes blazed with conviction. They had been brown, like his brothers. They... oh god, they SHOULD have been brown. But as I stared into his face, at those unfamiliar eyes on what should be so familiar a form? Red stared back. The red, Red, RED, of the Fallen.

Foxx had been... had been Energy Sensitive. The Cloners had fucking LIED, when they said it wasn't possible. I had always suspected. Didn't dare bring attention to it. Didn't want my friend to be... to be KILLED. Experimented on. I should have trained him. Done more.

Desperate people will reach for anything, to stop themselves from drowning. And the Dark offers such tempting things. Vengeance and Power. Freedom, no matter the cost. It pays sweetly then corrupts slow. There is always a cost.

I can not risk it.

Shifting my weight to my front leg, in preparation to surge forward, I never get the chance. A two fold thwip! And sharp pinch in my upper arm. I got the first. But the second... a? Dart? No. NO! Panicked, I flood my body with the magics meant to purge drugs and... instantly the world spins. I have somehow just made it worse. W-what?

"Confiscated from slavers, 'bout five months back. It's a high end drug." The Commando with the dart gun said, as though commentingon the weather. "Fairly new, too. Made to react specifically to the Cosmic Energies. Our esteemed Chancellor, may he rot as he deserves, had them developed through several shell companies."

"Really wish you hadn't done that, Commander. Cause, see, the side effects? Are pretty nasty." Foxx commented. Various helmets nodded, the guards body language sympathetic but lacking any remorse. What ever it took to bring me in. To make me Safe.

"Now you're going to be sick for a while. But on the other hand? You are a stubborn one. So maybe this'll give you time to think, hmm? Time to enjoy the pampering a bit. You'll get used to it, learn to be good for me. I know you. You're a smart girl."

My legs couldn't hold me anymore. Despite struggling, I couldn't keep my blade at the ready. Helplessly, I watched as he watched forward. Used a single finger, on the hilt, to push my blade to the side. The lightest of tugs, stealing it from me entirely. At long last, the tears came. I... I was scared. Really, really scared. P-please... Foxx, please...

"Hunts over, Commander. It's time to stop running. You've lost."

"But, that? That's okay. You can lose now. Be weak. Wretched and pathetic and flawed. You don't have to be perfect any more, Commander. I've got you. You're Mine. Ours. Perfect, just the way you are. And today?"

"Today is the start of the rest of your new life, Commander."

"Welcome to the Empire."

[kelpietheshifter]

All of Kelpie's possibly controversial shifting opinions and why shifting isn't "working" for you

I've been in the shifting community for almost four to five years now (it's insane), and I feel this makes me qualified enough to share a few shifting-centered opinions I've formed over the years. In no way, shape, or form am I saying you have to agree with these, nor does it matter to me if you don't. I hope you can agree with at least a handful of them, though.

Firstly, shifting without effort is much harder than shifting with effort. I'm not saying shifting without effort is impossible—this would be contradictory, since the times I have shifted were either low effort or accidental—but what I am saying is that putting in extra effort makes seeing results so much more likely. I can count on my hands and toes the number of times I’ve genuinely laid down and attempted to shift since I found out about shifting. For the past four-ish years, lying down and doing the "intention" method has gotten me three or four mini-shifts and one full shift. I bet that if I had taken the time to put all my energy and thought into actually shifting, I could have reached the hundreds by now. So, if you've been doing the same thing for years, there's a good chance that’s why shifting isn’t "working" for you. To sum up this point: If you want results and want them consistently, put in the effort. If you’re okay with your results being irregular and inconsistent, that’s fine too.

This is a very hot take within the shifting community, but I don’t like the idea of getting rid of the label "mini-shifts." This is for two reasons: the whole "you’re always shifting" mindset and the usefulness of the term itself. The idea that there’s no such thing as a mini-shift constantly comes up when I discuss my shifting experiences, but the term "mini-shift" is extremely helpful in describing the differences between my shifts to my DRs. Yes, a mini-shift is still a shift, but keeping the term helps distinguish between the two because they are super different experiences. The term simply refers to the shift itself being a miniature event and is strictly about the time spent there.

This is often paired with the "you’re always shifting" mindset, which I don’t agree with. If you’re using this phrase to mean "every attempt shifts you to a reality where you’re closer," then yes, a hundred percent. However, I don’t believe in the idea that going to a store and choosing an apple over an orange means you’ve shifted to the "apple reality" instead of the reality where you chose an orange. I understand where this concept is supposed to lead, but it’s not something I believe in. If you do, though, that’s okay.

Now, onto race changing. Even if I tried from the depths of my soul—reached all the way down and rearranged stuff—I could not find a single care to give about this subject (same with age changing, but I’ll get to that later). As a WOC, I do not care what race you are in your desired reality. End of story. It doesn’t affect me if you change your race in your DR, and I don’t have the energy to tell you that you shouldn’t. At the end of the day, no one from this reality is in that reality with you. Am I Black here? Yes. Will I remain Black here? Yes. Is there a reality where I’m not? Probably. Will I go there? No. But that’s just because I wouldn’t feel comfortable changing my race in my DR. This isn’t to say I’m pro-race changing or anything, but if that’s what you want to do in a reality I have no access to, go nuts, buddy.

Now, age changing. I do not care if someone ages themselves up. If you’re aging yourself up from 14 to 29, go ahead. I’m not your mother, and everything you do in your desired reality is your decision to make. On the flip side, if you’re aging yourself down from, say, 31 to 17 to be in your favorite show as a teenager, like The Vampire Diaries, this seems to be the more controversial aspect within the shifting community. In my humble opinion, it really shouldn’t be. You can be any age you want in YOUR reality. It’s a hundred percent up to you to decide how you customize your avatar in your DR.

Lastly, "gatekeeping" S/Os. It is a hundred percent okay to feel jealous when someone is also shifting for your significant other. Personally, I hate when people are shifting for one of my boyfriends, so when I see content like that, the creator is swiftly blocked. I don’t understand why this became such a giant argument within different shifting communities, especially shifting Discords. You do not have to interact with people you don’t want to. So, if someone is shifting for your partner, BLOCK THEM. On the other hand, going onto someone’s page and commenting or messaging them that they are "your partner" is weird and extremely embarrassing.

[vi-gilante-1010]

The beauty of timebomb as a ship for me before season 2 was that it was doomed to never work out. Jinx and Ekko were so close as kids, they pranked enforcers and built things together and had that childhood crush that's so powerful at the time because it's your first ever crush. But they grew into such opposite people. Jinx devolved into a self-serving maniac that bombed and attacked for her own fun and for the people she cared about, while Ekko became someone who fights for the safety of all Zaun, saddled with a sense of responsibility to build a life that people could feel safe in. Ekko builds to heal, while Jinx builds to destroy. They're opposites, but they once mattered so much to each other. Ekko is the one person from her childhood she didn't kill because she pushed him away. Powder is the one he had to watch due before his eyes in her transformation to Jinx. It's tragic and it's beautiful and it's the epitome of season 1's tragedy: it's what could've been.

Then season 2 arc 3 came and well. It's a little less beautiful now. Introducing some alternate universe that blames the arcane magic for everything that went wrong, but simultaneously shows peace and prosperity as gentrification, with all of Zaun's uniqueness and culture eradicated and absorbed by Piltover culture. And it's in this world where Timebomb is canon. It could happen, if only she'd lost her sister earlier! If only Silco hadn't been a revolutionary! And then Ekko, without much explanation, beelines for Jinx. Not for the tree he was supposedly trying to save, not for his unnamed friends, not even for Jayce's lab. He goes to Jinx. And he saves her- off screen, of course, can't have the actual heartfelt connection between them happen in front of the audience- and they paint all over each other and go to fight Ambessa, because gotta have them in the fight, I guess. And then she "dies" anyway, which does double down on the 'they're doomed' idea but forgets the reason why they were doomed in the first place. She'd MURDERED plenty of Fire lights, his friends, his allies. And we're just forgetting all that because the All Problems Are Solved au Powder danced with him in a pretty dress? Sure, yeah, okay, whatever.

The tree, Ekko's safe haven he'd worked so hard to build, the Fire lights as a whole are forgotten by the narrative. At best, they and the Jinxers are treated like one and the same by the end, which is silly because they should for all intents and purposes be rivals, if not flat out enemies. The tragedy is altered to be more palatable because look, they still live each other after all this time! But it severely waters down Ekko's resolve as a character and makes his growth contingent on her, yet also maintains the part where he's solely responsible for the future of Zaun and the safety of everyone by having him force himself to the brink to kill Viktor, and then he's alone. Alone, with no friends. The Fire lights were never valued enough by the narrative to have names. His and VI's relationship is completely dropped from season 2 as a whole. Jinx and Heimerdinger both fake their deaths and abandon him. We don't see the safe haven he poured his life into, we didn't see whether the tree survived or not. All we get is Ekko, alone on a roof in Zaun. The only Zaunite to not leave or die.

This was originally a timebomb post. But damn if Ekko wasn't done dirty. It's like everything he did was for nothing, and not even in a way that's tragic but satisfying to the narrative. We don't get to see the end results of either of the major points in his arc. We never find out what happened to the tree. We don't see him reconnect with Jinx. News flash, season 2: in order to cry 'show don't tell' for your characters, you have to actually show stuff. "Show don't tell" + "intentional omission" = "really well-animated nothing burger"

(This post was initially written before the timebomb MV. So I wanna go on record and say that that MV didn't help at all. I think it's a nice MV, but it makes Jinx's choice to disappear more confusing by doubling down on Ekko being her safe place, and is unequal in that it's all about Jinx's feelings and how Ekko is her saviour. Not a fan. And if that's supposed to be the reconnection of Jinx and Ekko, then why didn't we actually get that in the show? Bonus content is bonus; you shouldn't have to have it for the story to feel satisfying.)

[ryuichirou]

Why is Ortho included in ship art? He died as a child, and although he was rebuilt, his emotional intelligence and maturity level stayed the same as that of a child. Although I fully disagree, I do want to understand your reasoning. Especially since Ortho and Idia are related and I saw your art of them kissing. I am genuinely confused.

I’ll be honest, Anon: the amount of people who message us pretending to be genuinely confused while having ill intentions are more than I care to admit, and this is very tiring; this is why I might sound a little dry in my reply. But I don’t mind explaining it if you genuinely want to understand it. That being said, let this be the last time I am ranting about this topic because there is nothing new I can say.

Here is the short answer: Ortho is included in ship art because we ship him with other characters. Ortho having a maturity level, mentality and/or intelligence of a child is a myth that contradicts canon and only exists to antagonise people who view Ortho as anything other than Idia’s baby mascot with zero agency. The fact that Idia and Ortho are related is not a reason not to ship them: shipping is fictional and doesn’t reflect one’s views on irl matters. Exploring taboo and problematic dynamics and tropes in fiction is a part of natural human experience. What I care most about in shipping is characters’ dynamic that I find fun for shipping. Their relation to each other comes second, but I won’t pretend it doesn’t exist if it does exist.

Now I’ll give you a long answer. Starting with “Ortho is a child/8-year-old/5-year-old/toddler” argument.

We actually saw real 8 yo Ortho before his death in Idia’s flashback and, wow, we can see that AI!Ortho and flashback!Ortho aren’t the same Ortho. "My largest amount of birthday data comes from eleven years ago, when I was five” is the line that Ortho says in one of his Birthday vignettes, which indicates that even though he does have memories of dead!Ortho, he is not stuck in the age of 8 – he thinks and feels that his fifth birthday happened eleven years ago.

But also just in general, if you listen to him talk and compare it to how he talked in Idia’s flashback (both the voice and the manner of speech), it becomes pretty clear that he is older. He is younger-looking and has a high-pitched voice but it’s due to the fact that Idia designed him to look that way, and there are a lot of potential reasons why he could’ve done it (all non-canon and theoretical, so we won’t dive into them today), but he is definitely not 8 years old. Ortho’s AI constantly learns new information, learns more about being a human – he is clearly maturing as the story goes, thus showing that he is in fact capable of aging mentally, and he’s been doing it from the moment Idia first created him. He is naive and inexperienced, but that doesn’t make him an infant.

Plus, post ch.6 he is always being grouped with other freshmen who are also sixteen years old. This is his age group. This is how old Ortho would’ve been if he was still alive, and this is how old AI!Ortho feels. He’s a proper first year student just like Ace, Deuce and the rest of the boys, and the story keeps highlighting it in all the events that happened post ch.6.

Speaking of post ch.6. At the end of the story AI!Ortho and real/blot!Ortho actually merged a little, as far as you can remember. Blot!Ortho, wow, is also 16. He’s been stuck in the Underworld since he was 8 and he existed all those years and grew up as well despite his terrible situation and more than unusual company, so we can safely assume his age. His merging with AI!Ortho also influenced him (AI!Ortho) in a way, making him more human as a result as well.

Not to sound mean, but I think the majority of people who still insist that Ortho is mentally 8 either don’t pay attention to his character, his story and how he interacts with others at all, or straight-up choose to believe that lie because it makes it easier to attack shippers or anyone who likes Ortho in general.

But also guess what, none of that matters actually because ultimately he is a fictional boy, and fictional characters’ ages are irrelevant. Just like fictional characters’ family relations are irrelevant. Even if you don’t think it’s right, that doesn’t change the fact that it is irrelevant, and the only thing that could be done about it is that you can block people and/or tags that make you upset. There is no shame about it: I avoid a lot of ships and tropes that make me upset.

I would prefer people to stop accusing me, a real person, of actual vile crimes (or having dark thoughts about them? What the fuck is wrong with you?) because of fictional, made-up things. If I want to, I can unrelate Ortho and Idia, and my fanart would stop being incestuous with a snap of my fingers. I can make them enemies, I can make them kill each other over and over again, I can kill Idia instead of Ortho. I say this to show how little it matters, and no, ~the implications~ don’t count. People make them up and choose to believe that instead of listening to the person in question. About a real person, let me repeat myself. You (plural/neutral you, not you, Anon) cannot make shit up about another person’s thoughts, ideas, and views just because you find it convenient.

As for why I personally ship Ortho with Idia despite them being siblings, you’re in luck because in addition to this already long post I have an even longer post for you to read if you’re interested! It’s been more than a year since I’ve written that post my reasoning is still pretty much the same, so I think it’s a pretty good one to read if you genuinely want to understand us better.

But if you don’t want to read another long post but are still interested, here is a TL;DR:

I love their deep love for each other and don’t want to just explore the platonic aspect of it – there are a lot of other scenarios that I want to play with;

there are a lot of tropes related to this ship that we love (us two against the world; AI in love; causing an apocalypse for the sake of your loved one; unhealthy and codependent relationship; obsession, etc);

their story has a lot of motifs that could be read as romantic (i.e. Orpheus and Eurydice analogy) that we really enjoy;

personal reasons; relatability (not elaborating on that; not related to incest though lol);

they’re sexy lol I love robot parts, size difference and a lot of other aspects that I won’t mention here.

I hope that explained some stuff. Just to be clear: I don’t want to force anyone ship Shroudcest, in fact I don’t care if we are the only people in the world shipping them (that will never be the case though lol). I just love Ortho very much, and I think he is a very fun character that has a lot to offer, and I really don’t like that people want to create this aura of “he’s just baby don’t touch him” that stops people for getting to know his character better. He is cunning, he is smart, he is caring, he is psychopathic, he is a lot of things, and all of those things make me want to see him bossing Idia around, acting cute around Vil, bonding with Malleus over their differences and similarities, all of those things.

[angelwowings]

Hi so uhm I don’t usually post this type of stuff but about this and this.

This is a serious post of how this fandom has dehumanized me and mistreated me for my symptoms I cannot control

Tw: misogyny , ableism , mistreatment, bullying

A lot of people know that I was called out for bull shit friend group drama like a year ago. Adults are still shit talking me and my friends. Something I’ve noticed is that the appear to especially dehumanize me for “not caring about the damage I did” which is not Tue in this context. I do not feel remorse for a lot of stuff I do or shame or empathy and I am “recognized” with conduct disorder and extreme behavior issues + npd. So yeah I do not care about the harm I’ve caused I’m not able to because my brain won’t let me it’s totally understandable if people hate me for that but guess what?

They praised the other person for the exact same thing and said it’s okay to not feel empathy and remorse since they can’t. I do not have aspd but I do have issues with empathy and npd I don’t Talk about it a lot since it’s personal. But I’ve recognized the pattern in this I’m a teen “girl” (I’m not a girl I’m trans) and the other person is amab adult. I have a word that describes this perfectly misogyny! This fandom especially the adults (not any of my friends or mutuale You’re all very nice 🙁🙁) has absolutely dehumanized me for my symptoms the exact same symptoms they praised other people for. Mind you alot of the stuff I said was during a psychotic episode where I couldn’t think logically and insulted people because I thought they were going to hurt me since they triggered something in me. That does not make it right! And i know that but why does everyone accept for me get the pass? Why does everyone get accepted for their symptoms expect for me? Talking about not the perfect victim I am a very ugly result of what happens to a person when it went to extreme trauma I’m not a fawn I get aggressive and defensive and rude because I’m scared but no one seems to get that and just call me fucking evil.

I mean it has come to the point where I was dehumanized so bad some people were too scared to interact with me or be publicly associated with me because I was seen as a monster by half of the fandom. I was only fucking 15 and I’m still only 16. There’s still the same adults that refer to me and my friends as “angelwowings Group” as if I control people like hello what? My friends are their own people are you insane? Oh and let’s not forget the time people full grown adults btw blocked people who interacted with me! No they did not do anything besides interact with me and get blocked. People were scared to interact with my publicly but even then my friends still supported me.

And guess what? A lot of people I’ve met who saw the whole thing go down said you guys were sick for making a whole blog about me hating me and making posts AS ADULTS while I was 15! And I couldn’t agree more! Every adult who has interacted with that account in the way of boosting it is sick because everyone knew my vents were in there and did not care about leaking a 15 year old vent.I could go on and on about how much I got mistreated for my symptoms by this fandom

You can call me ableist all you want but In the end a lot of you were fucking ableist towards me! Oh no how dare I be a mentally ill teen online that is perfectly capable of being calm and civil unless I’m triggered into something caused by my symptoms! Oh no how dare I?! How dare I have a flight or fight mode! How dare I get aggressive when threatened! Oh how dare I not be the perfect victim! Sorry for not being your perfect victim? But guess what!

I can recognize on that I was hurting people from the doc and it was stressing them. I didn’t mean to hurt any of them that was never my intention I never wanted to hurt people so I thought I never did in the first place but I did. So I apologized to them I talked it out and realized that no matter if I was in the right or wrong I still hurt people and I need to make up for that wether or not it was intentional or not. People were hurt through me and I don’t want to hurt people especially not kids. Although I cannot feel shame or remorse for the stuff I said I can recognize that they’re wrong and take accountability for it. No I do not feel sorry for all of the stuff I said to that one adult because guess what? I’m not able to neither is he! So why did everyone get mad at me for having the same reaction? Would they not understand why I acted this way? They understood so well with the adult man so why not turn everything around when I “female” kid does it? Odd isn’t it?

I’m tired of not speaking up about this I’m not evil or ableist or whatever else you people I don’t know have called me. I was 15 going through a psychotic episode where I got triggered and did awful shit. Not an excuse at all but I was not evil none of the stuff I did was because I thought it was fun or because I was bored I’m 16. Get that through your big skull thanks.

[bokettochild]

Since he grew up at the opera house is legend gonna eventually take it over when time and lullabye retire?

I

That's the rumor at least.

It's less because he was raised there and more that he was raised to it, if that makes sense. Lullaby and Time agreed to allow Twilight to bring his kid around, but they never sat down and agreed that said kid would inherit everything.

It was sort of more an accident. Time ended up teaching Legend about music and instruments, Fi taught him to dance (the rest had no clue, he just watered into her practice room and got so excited about watching her that she decided to show him how and it evolved), their old props master would often show him how things worked while Twilight was doing heavy lifting and stuff- and he fell naturally into his role after that.

Lullaby never actually started teaching him anything until he was school-aged, at which point she was the one to help him learn to act, how to handle himself on stage, around guest stars, and even how to do some of her less stage-centric work (I.e. script-writing, accounting, the management and business side of things, ect.). All of this was with the mind of "I need to get my work done and this kid is here so I'll just 'teach' him how as an excuse to work while I'm in charge of him" and evolved into "how can I possibly do ____ without this kid here?"

That's not to say that Lullaby hasn't considered going it all to him, and she's certainly been much more intentional with teaching Legend things after he got back from overseas, but earlier on, everyone was 100% convinced that he was going to be the next big star to come out of Crown City. Him returning from his travels as a far more subdued and closed off teenager changed that of course, and because he spends less time on stage and performing than he used to, and much of the cast and crew have changed since he was small, the common consensus has since changed as well.

Most of the crew are convinced Legend will one day inherit the House. Lullaby has no children, and there's no denying that Time has taken especial time to help train him as well, so it's the natural answer.

Time, well, he's still of the impression that Legend might grow up and choose something else, and he's still waiting to hear the kid say what he wants to be now that he's old enough to choose. As for Lullaby herself, she's probably doing the same; if he bounces back and seeks stardom, she doesn't want to hold him back with duties to the House, but if he doesn't elect to do anything beyond what he does now, she's probably going to sit him down and talk about if he would like to one day maintain the opera once she retires.

As for Legend himself, he is entirely unawares of all of this. He knows he's got his fingers in every pie the opera has, and he knows that his absence would and does result in mayhem, but he doesn't realize the extent to which he's been groomed for the role, and is somewhat under the impression that anyone who's been doing it as long as he has knows the same things.

This is actually something that the theoretical main story line is supposed to have.

After Hyrule joins the House, and while he's getting to know the cast/crew, I intend for him to have a moment where Legend is called off from training him to deal with some matter or another,

this leads to Hyrule commenting about how much it looks like he still has to learn.

This, in turn, would prompt one of the other staff to pause their work and assure that, no, he doesn't need to learn that stuff. That's just Legend; he knows/does everything.

Hyrule, being fresh out of a toxic work environment and entirely aware of that fact, immediately assumes that, oh crap, his nice new boss is being taken advantage of by his co-workers! Only for the rest to tell him that Legend may or may not be being brought up to one day run the Opera, and while no one has proof, the fact remains that should Lullaby or Time be absent, Legend does end up being the one running the literal show sometimes, because he's got the know-how and skills to do so.

No clue what would happen as a result, but in short; yeah, this is definitely something the opera gossip mill chatters about whenever Lul, Time and Ledge aren't around.

[morallysuperiorlips]

Writing a Female Character? Keep These Tips in Mind!

Messy is GOOD: In a world where everyone seems to want to write a demure and mindful woman, or a put-together gunslinging “not like other girls” badass, do us a solid and show us the messy girls. Show us the girls who are god awful at coping with their trauma. Show us the girls who are fucking trainwrecks in their daily lives. Show us the girls going through it, and going through it poorly.

Don’t dumb down your male characters to match her freak: I don’t know who needs to hear this, but PSA—making your male characters seem stupid in comparison to your female character doesn’t do any favors for her or your narrative. Dumbing down other characters for her sake might have the opposite effect of what your intentions are. There is nothing wrong with writing a smart woman alongside smart men. In my humble opinion, it makes for better storytelling when everyone is on the same page.

If you would do it for a male character, do it for your female characters: This is something I don’t think I need to explain, but I’m going to do it anyway. If you have a male character, and you go through the hoops of defining his goals, establishing his emotional depth, giving him his deep-set purpose in the story, developing his relationships with other characters, etc., then guess what? You can do those same things for a female character. The only difference between them is their gender, but both sides are equally as capable of being nuanced. This also applies to actually writing the exposition. Would you spend 6 paragraphs describing the figure of a male character? Or focus so heavily his physical traits that they start to define his character? If not, then don’t do it for your females!

Gender roles can get fucked: Of course, if your intent is to write a story with more “traditional” gender roles for whatever your reasoning is, more power to you. But if not, they hold no power over you, your story, or your fictional ladies. If the plot allows it, find ways to venture outside those societal norms, whether that’s in the way your female character thinks or acts, or what her occupation is, etc.

Strong female lead =/= emotionless, tough, “badass”: When a lot of people think of a “strong female lead,” they think of women who seem to defy the traditional female role in a story. As a result, you usually end up with these hardcore gals who appear to be written as a sort of an antithesis of what society thinks are “feminine traits,” with emphasis on how little emotion she shows, how “tough” she is, and how she overtakes every situation she’s in. These are NOT bad traits to put in a woman; not by a long shot. But the best characters are nuanced—she’s not always going to be in a state of low-emotion toughness. She’s not always going to be this perfect beacon of leadership. She’s going to have lapses in judgement. She’s going to make mistakes. She’s going to grow and change, just like all people do. And that doesn’t subtract from her being a “badass.” Women are fully capable of being “badasses” while working through mistakes, hitting their lows, or showcasing some vulnerability.

Remember her agency: I said previously that you shouldn’t be dumbing down male characters to bolster her, but that’s not an excuse to wreck her agency in the story. Her decisions within the plot should still matter, and they shouldn’t be entirely based around or influenced by other characters just for the hell of it. Not everything she does needs to be for someone else; she is her own person, with her own reasons and goals behind her choices.

[rebo-chan]

This was a HELLA LONG POST SO IM PUTTING IT UNDER A CUT. THIS WAS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT A XANXUS ANALYSIS, SO I HOPE YOU VARIA FANS ENJOY??

OKAY so I did my last poll (Favorite arc) because I wanted to figure out which arc/aspect of an arc I should look at next. And Varia won. Also, as well my friend has been slowly scheming to get me into the Varia as a whole. Safe to say, it's starting to work. ANYWAY, since I've never done him before, the thing I wanted to look at here is Xanxus, his relationship with his wrath, and with his "pride". To start, Xanxus comes into the Ninth's care as a child being fooled into believing that he was the Ninth's son. Overtime, under the Ninth's care, he is led to believe that it is his birthright to be Vongola X. Pride as defined by my beloved Simon arc is something you can't give up on. This is no doubt Xanxus's pride. The only problem is that it was a fake one, so easily ripped away from him by the mere fact that he and the Ninth had no blood connections. This is where his Wrath "begins", furious at having been 'betrayed' that there was never any intention to make him the heir. The very thing he made his Pride. It's here, his wrath introduces him to Squalo who walks into the lion's den (or at least someone he had believed to be a Vongola Lion) wanting to see where that anger led him. Squalo, the series embodiment of the word 'Pride'. Eager to prove that Xanxus, who he believed to be the Ninth's son, he would be a valuable ally to.

Squalo and us the audience then get to see personally where Xanxus's Wrath had led him. Despite Xanxus's pride being fake, it was still not something he could give up on. He was going to take his pride back, no matter who bled for it. Hence the coup. His Wrath made him chase after his Pride, and what it ended up being was one.. big temper tantrum from the hands of someone with far too much power. It's not lost on me as well that the result of the coup is referred to as the Cradle Incident. A cradle, what you would do to calm down a screaming child. It's also here that Squalo finds out the truth about Xanxus not truly being Vongola X. In the midst of this family debacle, Xanxus's pride is confirmed to not just himself but to Squalo as well as false. Lucky for Xanxus, Squalo was never following his pride but rather his rage. Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure that Xanxus sees it that way.

As Xanxus wakes up from the ice with years having passed, it does nothing to sooth the burn of his anger of his ripped away pride. He hatches up another plan, the ring conflict, in order to crush the one that his 'birthright' was given to. To spit on his father's choice and destroy what the Ninth had wanted for the boy, just like his wants were destroyed. "Show me what that old man saw in you." Is no doubt the wrath slipping through. It's a "What made you a better choice than me?" I don't doubt that the relationship between Xanxus and the Ninth is.. almost irreparable at this point, but he is still someone who thought highly of the Ninth's opinion just based on that and the fact he felt betrayed by the ninth's action. He again WAS proud to be his son, either that's from the benefits that being the heir for Vongola X brought or out of some genuine familial love. It's hard to say frankly and up to interpretation. (In the very least, we can at least say Timoteo did genuinely care for Xanxus but this post isn't about him<3) Either way, the ring conflict begins and it is Xanxus's chance at retaking his pride and getting his proper and true revenge for what was done for him.

But this time though, there are slight differences between now and the coup. Time either in the cradle or otherwise has morphed how Xanxus sees things. There's.. an added humiliation to Xanxus now, one that hates what happened back in the coup. Not in the way that he regrets what he did, persay but rather the way the Ninth's eyes looked upon him in pity, the way he sees that same look in Tsuna. The fact that Squalo was there, whether or not he had heard what happened. It burns Xanxus. He wants his pride back, but he wants it renewed. Freshly removed from his past. He wants the Ninth gone, and for the way Tsuna shares that same look in his eyes, he's going to take both of them down in one go if he can help it. (The cloud battle, putting Tsuna in the situation where he could be charged with possibly ending the Ninth's life. It would've been poetic, wouldn't it? The two gentle souls of the Vongola destroying one another.) Then, there's Squalo.. Squalo, who "dies" in the rain battle and Xanxus can only laugh. Because, finally, things are going his way. Now, everything is in place. He can now take the position of Vongola X without the threads of his past holding onto him tightly, reminding him of his failure, of who he really is, of his falsified pride. What's poetic is that it's the embodiment of Pride who appears, with an absolute refusal to die, for real pride isn't something you can give up, that reveals Xanxus's truth to everyone. Tells everyone what was essentially that no matter how hard Xanxus struggles and plots and rips and tears, his 'pride' will never be his again. Xanxus doesn't accept this, it wasn't Squalo's intention to make him to either, but the option isn't in his hands. It never was. The ninth, at the end of the cloud battle, blames himself for all of his happening. For not being strong enough to do what had to be done. This can be interpreted as him referring to not killing Xanxus during the cradle incident, but it can also be interpreted as him not being able to tell Xanxus the truth from the start. Not being able to deny Xanxus the chance of life away from the slums. His 'kind' action only served to put Xanxus's life down a path of the inability to choose. Almost paralleled to Tsuna in a way, who brought into the role of Vongola X against his will, Xanxus is kept away from Vongola X against his will.

Xanxus's wrath is a weakness, let me make that clear. It blinds him from the truth, from his unfortunate circumstances, from accepting that it just couldn't be. I'm not sure if he'll ever accept it, so long as he has that wrath. But, the good news is that we see ten years later into the future, his wrath is no longer an open enough of a wound for others to poke at and prod to get him to react the way they want. His response to Raisel was nothing less than a "Do you think I'm that easy?" He IS better there about it. The Vongola is STILL his family, no matter what inner conflict there is and no outsider is going to be able to rip into him half as easily as the people from inside did. As for what he's done with his pride ten years down? It's hard to say, he desires Vongola at its strongest and at that time it was the strongest under Tsuna's control. I won't pretend he doesn't still want the title, but the wound isn't fresh anymore at least by then.

OOGH. WELL, THATS IT. I'm curious to see if you guys have any interpretations about his "pride", if you agree, disagree, or if you have any interpretations of what his pride has become ten years down the line. Thank you for reading this far!!!

[azalawa-scroggs]

I'm gonna ride the wave here and talk about Rise from the Ashes and why, even though I think it's a good retcon and doesn't involve any contradiction either factual or thematic, I believe it is still undeniably a retcon.

The crux of the matter, I think, is the definition of retcon. Here's what Merriam-Webster has to say about it:

the act, practice, or result of changing an existing fictional narrative by introducing new information in a later work that recontextualizes previously established events, characters, etc.

It has to change the narrative, not the events of the story themselves. It has to recontextualise the events in question. And I'd argue the case does those exact two things by establishing that Miles Edgeworth not only never willfully forged evidence, but was morally against it in the first place, even though the contrary had been implied in the four first cases of the game.

Here's how Miles Edgeworth is introduced in Turnabout Sisters, in the first conversation we have about him with Gumshoe. There are two dialogue options, one where you can say that yes, you do know him, or one where you say that no, you don't.

Here's what Phoenix has to say about Edgeworth if you pick "I know him":

I know him. He's a feared prosecutor. He doesn't feel pain, he doesn't feel remorse. He won't stop until he gets his "guilty" verdict.

And here's what he has to say if you pick "I don't know him:"

(Of course I know him... I was just playing dumb. He's a cold, heartless machine who'll do anything to get a "guilty" verdict! There are rumors of back-alley deals and forged evidence...)

The words "forged evidence" appear only in one of the two options. They're only rumours; there's nothing established. However this is the first discussion of his character; this is the first impression we get of him. The idea we are supposed to get from him is someone ruthless and without scruples, who "hates crime with an abnormal passion."

Later on there is of course the case of the updated autopsy report. The new report is entirely legitimate and treated as such. However it is presented by the narrative as an underhanded trick, with Phoenix exclaiming against it, and further establishes Edgeworth's lack of limits in his prosecuting ethics set up by the conversation with Gumshoe - confirming our bias. We're still talking about narrative intent here, not merely the facts of the story. The updated autopsy report is not an instance of Edgeworth forging evidence, however it showcases his ruthlessness, which by extension serves to corroborate the rumours Phoenix was talking about with Gumshoe - making you believe Edgeworth would indeed tamper with proof without showing him doing so. Edgeworth coaching the witness's testimony and withholding the wiretap has the same effect.

Right before the second trial day, we get to talk with Edgeworth himself, who has come to warn us that even though he knows Phoenix, Phoenix shouldn't expect any mercy from him. Here's what he has to say:

Edgeworth: [...] whatever Mr. White says today, it will be the "absolute truth." No matter how you try to attack his testimony... If I raise an objection, I have it on good faith that the judge will listen to me. Phoenix: (What, does White have the judge in his pocket, too!?) So... you're saying I'm going to be guilty. End of story? Edgeworth: ... I will do anything to get my verdict, Mr. Wright. Anything. Maya: Why... Why!? How can you torment an innocent person like this!? Edgeworth: "Innocent"...? How can we know that? The guilty will always lie, to avoid being found out. There's no way to tell who is guilty and who is innocent! All that I can hope to do is get every defendant declared "guilty"! So I make that my policy.

There is also the climax of the case, where Edgeworth tries to request the trial to be extended one more day:

Edgeworth: Ergo! I would like to request one more day before Phoenix Wright is granted his freedom. I need time to make one more inquiry into this matter. Judge: Hmm...! Phoenix: (Another inquiry...!? This isn't going to be another one of those "updated autopsy reports"! This guy just makes up evidence as he pleases! This is bad...!)

This heightens the stakes and creates tension as Phoenix puts his foot down and requires for the trial to come to an end on that day - and it does thanks to Mia's intervention. Once more Edgeworth forging evidence isn't shown, but is implied in a way that we are meant to take as fact.

So that is the image we have of Edgeworth by the end of case 1-2, our first confrontation with him. Someone ruthless, someone who will do "anything" to get his guilty verdict - even if that involves shady dealings (such as, but not limited to, tampering with evidence). Someone without limits.

Then 1-3 happens, where in the course of the trial Edgeworth realises Will Powers is innocent and helps us corner Dee Vasquez into confessing to being the true killer, therefore throwing his trial and helping us win against him. This is a big deal. This is a cornerstone of the arc of game 1, of Edgeworth's redemption arc. After that we get the infamous "unnecessary feelings" scene, where Edgeworth confirms it: he was shaken by the events of this trial and his first loss in the previous one. This is something new for him.

And afterwards of course is 1-4, where we get to the bottom of Edgeworth's vitriolic hatred for criminals and discover his backstory. We get to meet his mentor von Karma, "twenty times as ruthless as him," and witness him pull all the stops to prevent us winning and making our life really difficult. Interestingly he, too, skirts the line of forging evidence, but that fact pales in comparison to everything he does do: orchestrating a murder and framing Edgeworth for it, destroying the letter that incriminated him, hiding the evidence of DL-6 so that Phoenix cannot have access to anything to solve the case.

(On a side note: von Karma using "faulty evidence" against Gregory Edgeworth is actually an established fact, and I think the way AAI-2 retconned that to introduce Blaise was quite clever, but maybe I'll make a similar post about Manfred after the AAI Collection comes out in September)

So that's Edgeworth's arc, where he is confronted to a world where getting a "guilty verdict" isn't always the morally correct choice to make, and where his worldview is entirely deconstructed to allow him a redemption arc. His return in 2-4 continues that arc with his new motto of the "truth" being the most important thing (implying that hadn't always been at the centre of his considerations).

Now compares this with what he says in 1-5.

Edgeworth: Of course not! I didn't touch the evidence. Yes, I will do anything in my power to win a trial. However... I do have a code, and I follow it faithfully.

This is the first time we hear of Edgeworth having a moral code. This is the first time we hear of Edgeworth having limits to what he allows himself to do to earn his guilty verdicts. Up until now all we heard was "anything," as well as justifications as to why defendants deserve and need to be punished - "anything," by essence, implies not having limits.

It's not a contradiction. But it's a recontextualisation, and therefore a retcon.

I'm not going to give quotes or we'll be here the whole day, but we all know what 1-5 then does; SL-9, the Joe Darke killings, Gant's involvement.

By giving the rumours of forged evidence about Edgeworth a tangible starting point, the case reframes them, from something that he was previously implied to do routinely to a single event, one that was orchestrated behind his back and that he had no bearing on or even any idea it was happening. By establishing that Edgeworth does follow a moral code, his image of fearless prosecutor is deconstructed even further; where in 1-4 we were given a reason for his actions, now we are actually being told his actions weren't as severe as hearsay (and Phoenix's bias) led us to believe.

The case also introduces the idea of "working with the defence" and the search of the truth to Edgeworth, which plants the seed for his eventual return in 2-4 and deepens his character arc a little more.

Thematically, I personally think 1-5 inserts itself very well into the larger narrative. It plays with both themes and facts established by game 1 and teases themes and facts that will come in the next games (2-4, all of game 4). However it does recontextualise Edgeworth's arc by establishing he never willfully forged evidence, contrarily to what was previously implied, and giving him a retroactive caveat to his policy of "anything to achieve his guilty verdict" that hadn't existed before. Therefore, it is a retcon, albeit one that works, in my opinion, well within the larger arc of the games and with Edgeworth's character.

[zuko-always-lies]

Unpopular Opinion: Ursa's parenting negatively affected Zuko

One of the fascinating things about the ATLA fandom is that people are utterly uninterested in analyzing how Ursa's parenting really screwed up Zuko, even though it's pretty clear. I don't mean to attack Ursa here, because I think she had good intentions, but, although her parenting was far better than Ozai's, it contributed to Zuko's many poor decisions.

I've given a broader coverage to values Ursa extols to her children elsewhere. The general point you should take away from that is that Ursa was critical in instilling imperialist values in her children and in teaching them to respect/obey the Firelord.

However, that's not the point I will belabor here. I want to turn to something else. Let's take a look closely at the scene where Zuko tries to perform Azula's firebending routine in front of his grandfather and his father but falls flat on his face:

Ozai frowns at this news. Zuko starts off well, doing the same circular motions as Azula earlier. He manages to produce a small fire blast, which does not impress Fire Lord Azulon. When he tries to create another one, he falls. He gets back up, panting heavily, and tries again, only to fall harder. Ursa gets up worriedly and approaches Zuko to comfort him. Young Zuko: I failed. Ursa: No. I loved watching you. That's who you are, Zuko. Someone who keeps fighting even though it's hard.

The lesson that Zuko learns from Ursa here is that his gift is stubborn persistence and that he should never stop trying to meet the toxic expectations of the Fire Nation royal court and of his father(she also might have inadvertently encouraged the Zuko-Azula sibling rivalry).

How do we know this is what Zuko took away from this? These scenes are paired together at the end of "Zuko Alone," as Zuko struggles to defeat Gow:

In the flashback, Zuko is sleeping in his room at night when a hand gently touches his shoulder. He awakens drowsily to see his mother dressed in a cloak.

Young Zuko: … Mom? Ursa: Zuko, please, my love, listen to me. Everything I've done, I've done to protect you. She pulls the barely conscious Zuko into a hug. Ursa: Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.

and this scene:

Gow: Who ... who are you? Zuko:My name is Zuko. Son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai. Prince of the Fire Nation, and heir to the throne. Old man: Liar! I heard of you! You're not a prince, you're an outcast! His own father burned and disowned him!

Zuko took Ursa's advice to never give up and never forget who he was to heart, and as a result even though he's been burned, banished, and declared a traitor, even though he objectively has no real chance of getting his status and Ozai's favor back at this point, Zuko is still trying to do that and refuses to let go of his long-lost position in the Fire Nation as crown prince. The smart thing to do would be to give up and move on, but Zuko refuses to do that.

We can also turn to what Zuko says to Aang in "The Siege of the North, II":

Zuko: I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. [Stands up and looks outside the cave.] There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.

All of this brings me back to my main point. Ozai might have been the one who burned and banished Zuko, who abused him and declared him a traitor, who demanded that Zuko capture the Avatar, but Ursa is the one who taught Zuko the persistence that made him chase after legends for three years, that made him take reckless risk after reckless risk, that made him continue chasing the Avatar even after Ozai was having him hunted as a traitor across the Earth Kingdom.

The biggest problem in Zuko's life is that he refuses to let go of his dream of regaining Ozai's favor, that he refuses to accept that Ozai doesn't love and move on and find something better to center his life around, and from what we see Ursa played a huge role in this, because she taught Zuko to never give up trying fulfilling the expectations of Ozai and the court, no matter how many times he failed. Ursa wasn't intending ill, but her parenting had a huge negative effect on Zuko's life.

[biblioflyer]

The Cardassian War was worse than you probably think.

I wrote a lot about the Maquis with every intention of posting quite a bit more about it, but then I got cold feet. Its actually been a while since I watched some of the critical Maquis episodes. In some instances, I haven't seen them since they aired. So I decided to go back and rewatch some of them. I started with TNG 7x20 "Journey's End." Where I expected a very strident lecture on the evils of forced relocation, I found something deeply nuanced and something that also reframed how I understood the Federation's conflict with the Cardassians.

If you're in a hurry, the big revelation was that, per Picard, millions of people died in the Cardassian - Federation War.

If you haven't been part of debates about what the scale of the Star Trek setting is or are more attuned to more recent series, millions may not actually seem that many people. Star Wars and 40k fans are probably squinting and wondering what all the fuss is about.

So let me provide some additional context. This is going to be mostly Doylist in nature, i.e. "meta" commentary.

Millions of people equals thousands of Galaxy-class starships. At a time when we'd seen not more than two Galaxy-class starships on screen at the same time and per the Next Generation Technical Manual (which was quasi-canon at the time, essentially given high regard by creatives working on Trek but always subject to being overruled if the needs of the story dictated) there could be as few as five Galaxy-class starships active at the time, but perhaps eleven including the initial batch of six and assuming the six framed out but not completed hulls were built to completion and subtracting poor Yamato.

Just a few seasons before, the loss of 39 ships and 11,000 personnel at Wolf 359 was considered a pretty devastating loss.

If it were strictly Starfleet and Cardassian military personnel, millions would be staggering losses representing the equivalent of thousands of starships or some mix of ships and major stations or ground forces. My gut tells me that given the way TNG seems to be a smaller scale setting than Trek would later be depicted, this wasn't intended to be solely military losses but also inclusive of and maybe even disproportionately falling upon civilians. Given that the Federation doesn't directly target civilians as a general rule, I do have some theories on how this might come about: namely by making space warfare messier than its generally presented: Star Wars and The Expanse have both done great representation of how conflicts that play out in space can still result in collateral damage to civilian stations and planetary settlements.

Notably, later series like DS9 and Discovery will do a "soft" retcon of Starfleet to include as many as 7,000 ships in the 23rd century and perhaps around 30,000 in the 24th century (citation: Ron Moore & extrapolation based on fleet size quotes) but while this isn't a hard retcon in that it doesn't override firmly declared facts and figures, it also doesn't seem like these larger numbers were ones TNG was operating with when it threw a mere 40 ships at the Borg or had Starfleet yet again being unable to avoid pulling ships out of dock mid-refit and stuffing Enterprise crew on them to catch the Romulans smuggling arms to House Duras.

Regardless of how the numbers breakdown, this was anything but analogous to a protracted series of border skirmishes and raids ala the colonial theaters of various European imperial wars, which full disclosure, was my working mental model for understanding this conflict.

So why does this matter for understanding the Maquis?

I think it matters for understanding the Federation's motives in signing what most fans and many in universe characters feel is a "bad" peace with the Cardassians. This wasn't a vanity war that super powers sometimes find themselves in where they'll fight for years in some corner of the globe that is strategically irrelevant to the imperial heartland but has somehow gained incredible psychological significance in the minds of defense planners, politicians, and yellow journalists. This is a conflict that cost the Federation quite a bit of blood for planets that are described as having been settled for at most a few decades and, at the very least, we've never really heard anyone from the Federation complain about a lack of satisfactory M-class planets.

Of course as represented by the North American Indians (TNG's term, not mine) that had settled on Dorvan V, from the perspective of the colonists, they had roots and distinctive cultural identities that they desired to have respected and felt warranted their own planets. From the Federation's perspective, these are people who have barely settled their worlds and one world should be as good as another. If you run the numbers through "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" then this starts looking even more tilted towards the Federation's perspective.

Now the counter argument is the bog standard opposition to authoritarianism and violent revisionists argument. This is the argument that the moral responsibility for avoiding catastrophic loss of life is on the one who is the first to use violence to try to advance their interests, at least at the level of astropolitics. In this framing it is not the responsibility of the Federation to mollify the Cardassians by conceding on irrational fears or immoral demands.

A cynical reading of this argument might find within it the notion that the Federation should just do what it wants, as long as its consistent with the Federation's values, and if the Cardassians have a problem with it up to the point of attacking, then the Federation should fight back and not stop until it reaches Cardassia and overthrows the military junta in charge or at the very least, removes any Cardassian presence from Federation borders and denudes Cardassian capacity to strike across the border.

The idea here being that conceding to the Cardassians rewards them for their willingness to use violence to achieve their goals, which further incentivizes them to use violence, and arguably did incentivize them to use violence as evidenced by accusations of poisoning wells and damaging infrastructure to drive ex-Federation citizens off the worlds that were ceded to the Cardassian Union.

But this argument has always contained within it the implicit assumption that the Federation had the capacity to rollback Cardassian warmaking capability and to keep up pressure on the Cardassians until the Cardassians cry uncle. A war in which millions died and where the Federation is trading away planets is not one that seems to imply the Federation had the capacity to hammer the Cardassians until they relented or there was a deficit of will to fight this war to the hilt, recognizing that pushing the war all the way to the orbit of Cardassia Prime would result in Union space being ungoverned and insecure until the infrastructure and ships were replaced.

Anyone who has watched the outcomes of the Global War on Terror or the various civil wars and revolutions that have happened in recent years should be very cognizant that a lack of order and security often results in problems being exported to adjacent regions. Problems meaning traumatized and impoverished refugees seeking safety and sustenance in places ill equipped to provide for them materially and often with some or a lot of mutual incoherence and mistrust happening at the cultural level as norms clash. Problems also meaning unaccounted for military equipment finding its way into the hands of revolutionaries, terrorists, and pirates who pursue their own goals and survival needs through the use of weapons on anyone who has something worth taking.

The United States did not kill a million or more people in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other MENA region countries through the use of weapons from 2001 to date. Iraq from 1991 to 2001 didn't have a million excess deaths* because of bombs detonating in people's homes, those deaths resulted from damage to infrastructure and internal supply chains because civilization is actually rather fragile and even people we regard as "less developed" are not meaningfully closer to nature and more resilient than we in the WEIRD category. If anything they exist in a more delicate state because they are often living on more marginal and stressed land with infrastructure that lacks redundancies or substantial state capacity to move people and resources around quickly to address sudden need.

*It should be noted that while these figures are widely quoted, the methodology has been questioned. I would encourage readers who want to get their historical facts correct to examine the evidence and decide whether Iraq sanctions are something one wants to use in a context other than describing the potential consequences of a fictional war.

When considering how to deal with Russia and its invasion of Ukraine, there are moral debates about how hard to press the civilian economy. Namely because so much of the infrastructure and daily necessities of life in modern countries count as "dual use." As in there are legitimate civilian uses that it doesn't seem productive to deny people: transistors are essential for access to information - both state controlled but also outside channels, and operate everything from thermostats to live saving medical equipment. The distinction between a transistor appropriate for running an insulin pump and one for a hypersonic missile is increasingly blurry.

An analogy could easily be drawn to isolinear chips and replicators. We in the fandom often assume that the Federation's ability to be precise in its application of lethal violence is practically omniscient and omnipotent, and that with its august technology, it has been liberated from having to make hard decisions. Yet if the Federation wants to destroy the warmaking capability of the Cardassians, how "deep" into the Cardassian infrastructure does it need to go?

Can you imagine Captain Picard sleeping well at night after calling a senior staff meeting to debate the legitimacy of striking a fusion reactor in a dense urban area that has been unplugged from the civilian grid and hooked up to an industrial replicator pumping out photon torpedo thrusters?

Further, the moral and political science assumptions of the Federation seem to rule out the idea that Cardassian civilians suffering and dying is an appropriate form of justice for Federation lives nor does suffering seem to predictably and reliably lead to revolution. Historical evidence is at best mixed and perhaps even damning. Try wrapping your head around the idea that Russian forces continued to fight their foreign enemies in WW1 at the same time as different Russian formations were fighting each other during the civil war that broke out as a direct consequence of World War 1. In short, while the war had certainly radicalized much of the public, there was still a lot of anger and blame directed to those who had been killing Russians before Russians were killing Russians.

So what is the Federation to do?

Keep fighting a war it probably wasn't technically losing but definitely didn't seem to be winning?

And perhaps the Federation couldn't win without paying a cost in both Federation and Cardassian lives, many of whom might be noncombatants, that was unpalatable?

What was it supposed to do after Wolf 359?

Postscript:

A bit more about the plot of the episode itself. "Journey's End" is probably one of the best TNG moral dilemma episodes. There are critiques to be made obviously. That the Indigenous people depicted seem to be a bit generic to the uneducated eye and do not claim a specific tribal / national identity feels weird at the end of 2024, but it also provokes an interesting discussion about the degree to which there isn't already a lot of syncretism among peoples who have experienced massive depopulation and loss of political agency, whether through intentional genocides, loss of territory, or disease. Its not hard to imagine this "North American Indian" identity found on Dorvan V being a syncretic identity that emerged in the 2100s once interstellar colonization really took off. Its strongly implied to be a "fresh start" movement that was itself controversial and many indigenous North Americas opted not to join them; but its membership could be plausibly drawn from many cultural identities.

However, the moral dilemma at the heart of the episode is handled with exquisite care and steadfastly refuses to make anyone objectively the bad guy. Every Federation character, even hardline consequentialist Admiral Nechayev, is respectful to the people of Dorvan V and mindful of their historical trauma even as it recognizes that the Federation's own interests are largely incompatible with respecting their demands.

Even Gul Evek, the named Cardassian leader of the show, relents after an impassioned plea from Picard. Evek admits to losing two out of three sons in the war and speculates that if the Dorvan V inhabitants leave the Cardassians alone, they will be left alone. Evek was convincing at least to this member of the audience. The framing felt hopeful rather than like everyone was being asked to swallow a Targ dung sandwich.

In checking to make sure I spelled his name correctly, I've become aware that Evek becomes a recurring character and I'm intrigued to see if there are clues to be found as to whether you could argue that he was lying or that events took on a life of their own and Evek was simply proven wrong. Its possible that Dorvan V was largely spared but the Obsidian Order or other elements of the Cardassian government decided to act in places it thought the Federation wouldn't be paying as close attention and the radicalization of the Maquis in turn radicalized Evek.

After all, since that the Cardassian Union was in effect waging a proxy war in the Demilitarized Zone, it would take little to convince some Cardassians that a guerilla movement with ex-Starfleet in almost all command roles and using Federation hardware represented a Federation proxy war with top level support. Which would in turn require the Federation to at least make some efforts at combating the Maquis in order to sell the Cardassians on the idea that the Maquis are not a plausibly deniable arm of Starfleet Intelligence.

But the Maquis are obviously are going to do what they need to do to defend their worlds, whether its their actual colonies or because they object to Starfleet sitting on its hands in the face of reports of atrocities.

In retrospect, for an era that was just testing the waters for multi-season arcs, this is such smart and tragic world building. Unlike say, the plot to destroy Qonos in Discovery or the anti-Changeling bioweapon being the Chekov's gun necessary to resolve the Dominion War, very little about the Maquis arc feels contrived and much more well supported by the world building around it.