#what do you mean melatonin doesn’t work for me anymore?

[gatorinator]

I have insomnia

[crguang]

ok honestly im kinda done w genshin atp, like the story is okay, the whitewashing tho is pissing me off tho, um idk, i like the game play, and also i gotta get to sneznaya or wtv when that comes out. and did u just not like the sumeru characters bc more of them are men.../j i still dont have yelan or arle very sad...they're like top 10 genshin characters for me, i was too broke to pull for them when they were running

ALSO that's not what i meant abt natasha, like as a character shes good and i like her, and her story is good, i dont dislike her, what i meant is that i cant be attracted to her, like idk...bc all the stuff u listed i should like her, so like idk. i dont skip story, i did her sq, so maybe it is just the fact that shes a doctor, like that was how she was presented at first and i just cant look past it ok... my mom was a doctor so i just cant...my mommy issues strike again, and i just dont rlly like doctors in general havent had good experiences w them before, so i cant be attracted to one...idk, like ik shes like way more than that. and i did get a few adds for her so its prob that as well that kind messed with my perception of her at the beginning, the only hsr adds i every got continously was kafkas trailer.

tbh i shouldve realized i liked women when i saw kafka dragging her fingers across a wall wish i was that wall with like her voice in the background and that was what made me decide to play the game. they know what they're doing...

speaking of which i got her other two messages, shes ridiculous, like i cant believe she can just go to a movie theater like that, and her checking up on you...i did scream. shes pathetic... honestly her being into phycological thrillers makes sm sense, so she was def seeing one of those. and i think shes exposing herself bc of both of the reasons you listed (also like it being on a burner acc incase she gets rejected...i obviously wasnt mean to her tho).

honestly im just shy sat okay...thats why im an anon, but it is funny, since we're all reading ur smut, and thirsting over everyone together.

i did sleep i promise, i dont really like taking medicine, again doctor stuff, but i'll been taking some melatonin bc last night it took be 3 and a half hours to sleep and ive been drinking tea and stuff, but ill be going to sleep after this. wish me luck.

-🌠

i also wanted to last until snezhnaya like i remember a few years ago when the first fatui trailer dropped after inazuma and my entire timeline went crazyyyy, people who didn’t play the game anymore got back into it just for the fatui like they really united everyone… but since the characters and stories dont do anything for me now i personally never feel like playing. and yes i actually was so bored with sumeru because im not interested in men at all dhfjgkgk but also the whitewashing there pissed me off and how they nerfed dehya and made her a horrible standard character was so annoying like i didnt pull for a single sumeru character 😭 arle/yelan is an insane duo, my yelan is great cause shes been my main for years so she doesn’t need anyone but adding arle is just cheating fr. look at my favs beefing (clorinde was there for the friendship points😪)

i thought you disliked nat because you said your friend thought you disliked her bc she was a doctor, but it makes sense if you’ve had bad experiences with healthcare professionals and are reminded of them when you see doctors. personally i love when people who work in healthcare actually care about the patients they have because it’s quite literally life saving and sooo many of them dont give a fuck, that’s why i adore natasha a lot. it’s totally fine if you’re not attracted to her, you don’t have to be!

kafka’s trailer changed my brain chemistry and i can recite it by heart from how often ive watched it. they definitely knew what they were doing especially with these shots like can i please be that guy… i’ll take the bullet too idgaf. AND YES THE MOVIE THEATER SHES SUCH A LOSERRR, THE “my life is an action movie btw lol haha” when the tb says they like action films is so ridiculous. i need to look up her other answers but when she said the action movies lacked immersion i pat myself on the back for writing that she likes psychological thrillers over horror or any other genre like i know her for real… im literally inside her head.

im glad youre sleeping even if it takes a little while!! hopefully your internal clock stops messing woth you and allows you to get some good rest

[jewishrizahawkeye]

i’ve worked myself up so i’m going to fucking yell about this asshole client at work because i’m so pissed off the melatonin isn’t working anymore

this guy is a fucking idiot who doesn’t understand the concept of a pet having a new issue and needing a new exam to evaluate the pet. he thinks having had one exam within the year means that the pet never needs to be examined by the doctor again even if a new issue arrives he also thinks he’s a brilliant man and has to explain to dumb woman like me what a human period is! yes you read that right:

HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO ME WGAT A PERIOD IS WHEN I HAVE GAD MORE EXPERIENCE WITH THEM THEN HE EVER HAS

like this man is a piece of shit asshole that fucking tells at me for asking questions the doctor wants to know or point blank telling him the doctor will want an exam and i will not dignify him enough to even ask the doctor “hey, the client wants to know if he can have a conversation with both vets to discuss what could possibly be wrong with his pets skin. even though he has not had his pet seen for this condition.” because i know the doctor ir techs will look at me surprised and start laughing because there’s no way im hell they’re going for that. but he doesn’t like that i wont ask. and i know the easy solution is to just ask and say “hey, this is still no right? okay cool the client has a dumb ass question and wanted me to check” but he has yelled at me, made fun of me for stuttering cause i’ve been coughing for three-four months and my mouth is constantly dry, and he EXPLAINED TO ME WHAT A HUMAN PERIOD WAS so i do not want to place him on hold because i know the answer.

and because of that today he said i was difficult because i refused to ask the doctor something when i knew he’d want an exam and he said that i acted like i knew everything (had to hold back audibly laughing over the phone and laughed with my manger later about that) and that i was so difficult and he was an old school man. when i tried to explain he’d need an examine he tried to cut me off with “SHES ALREADY GAD AN EXAM” and i had to clarify an exam for a new issue.

anyway this man is the fucking worst and i hate him and i audibly sigh anytime his name pops up on caller id and he keeps threatening to go to a different clinic and i am asking every tumblr user to help manifest this guy goes somewhere else or he gets fired by the doctor because i am very close to snapping and i just wish he’d find a new vet.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Creeps Dealing with a Friend that Can’t Sleep

[Warnings: Like, none?]

[AN: aha I said I was in an off season but here I am. I tried going to sleep at 10pm, it’s almost 1am. Usually I‘m awake until 2-4 in the morning but I’m attempting to sleep earlier. Lying to myself at this point. Apologies for formatting I’m on my phone. Anyways—]

Slender Man

The kind of man to give you a cup of tea and send you on your way.

The tea might be drugged. Slender doesn’t actually care about pretty much everyone but as you’re one of his favored proxies… he can make exceptions.

The way he gets you to sleep is questionable. Brings you back to your room and awkwardly leans in the doorway watching you shuffle.

If he could frown—. Wants you to be in tip top shape for work. Will get you some thing within reason if that gets you to sleep.

He might tell you Germanic fairytales if you’re really not feeling sleep at the moment.

Jeff the Killer

He will jokingly tell you “go to sleep” but man he deals with insomnia too he knows the struggle.

He might make you do push-ups. When you ask why, he says “they tire me out.”

Honestly he just stays up talking to you. He knows there’s no forcing you back down. Once you’re up, you’re up.

Once you start zoning out he might pet your head out of habit.

Doesn’t leave until you’re actually asleep. Might hang around to ensure you stay asleep and then falls asleep with you.

Eyeless Jack

At first he doesn’t actually care like, it’s not his problem lmfao. But then he’s like, nah we’re cool and tosses you a bottle of melatonin.

While waiting for that to kick in, he might actually suggest meditation! I get the feeling EJ meditates every now and then because he considers it his way of “recalibrating” from a long day or week.

He will take away your screens though just so you’re not messing with your sleep schedule anymore.

He might hum to you. He has a gorgeous voice—.

You can pet him while you fall asleep and he’ll purr like a cat lmfao. He wouldn’t afford that part of him to anyone but his best friend.

BEN Drowned

Just as clueless as you are on what to do about it lmfao. He pops through your computer and lazily smiles, asking if you’re having a hard time like him.

The two of you end up saying “no <3” to sleep and stay up watching bad TV shows.

He will get the both of you snacks! Also has a habit of giving you good warm drinks that might put you in a sleepy mood. He’s actually subtly trying to get you to sleep in his own way.

He’s like a demon/ghost/entity he doesn’t necessarily need sleep. But you’re still living a human experience so—

The two of you end up passing out on the couch together as the sun comes up. It worked—just really unorthodox.

Masky (Written more like Tim)

King of insomnia. He’ll make some hot chocolate or warm milk with honey and cinnamon and plop it down in front of you. That thing is a natural sleep aid.

He’s honestly a bit prone to cuddling. He’ll hold you in his arms, smile and put on some late night boring show to get your brain to power off.

Also lowkey might read you “go the fuck to sleep” as a joke. His voice is a tad deeper due to the exhaustion rolling off him so it kinda sounds nice.

He puts you in a really safe, sweet mood and that dampens your energy enough to actually call it a night while it’s still night.

Eventually you get Pavlov’d into thinking cigarettes mean sleepy and get sleepy at the scent of Tim.

Hoodie (Written more like Brian)

Brian has always been gifted with the ability to tune out and go to sleep. He’s had to relearn that as a proxy and sleep doesn’t come as easily to him anymore.

He knows the struggle. Ends up staying up with you and talking. Slowly moving into more boring topics to get your brain tk stop racing.

He will stop you from drinking anything caffeinated after noon. Also prone to keeping your phone away from you.

Might give you his hoodie to get you in a warm sleepy mood.

Brian might also suggest listening to podcasts or rain sounds. He likes the thunderstorm ones because they remind him of summers in alabama! But he really just stays with you the entire time until you’re asleep.

Toby

He’s the kind of guy to also say “no <3” to sleep and get up and do stuff. You tell him you can’t sleep and he’s taking you out on an adventure.

He will actually manage to tire you out by how much stuff you’re doing with him throughout the night. And it’s nothing dangerous, he’s just high energy.

Eventually, the two of you are in the backseat of the car chatting, having a nice time and he can tell you’re almost asleep.

His tone switches. He’s gentler and soft, his hand might even pet you like his sister did when he couldn’t sleep. He implements a lot of what she did to you.

And before you know it, you’re asleep in the back seat and Toby is dreading moving because he kinda likes seeing you at ease. He’ll be driving back to your residence and carrying you to your bed so you wake up somewhere comfortable.

Kate the Chaser

She’ll snuggle with you and softly speak to you. She often can’t sleep and those soft moments often help her.

Very prone to getting a book and reading that out loud to you. Sometimes it’s a murder mystery, other times it’s a magazine she got from the corner store-her voice is soothing and sweet.

Kate gets you a warm drink too. If you really can’t sleep, shel might make a midnight snack—mac and cheese is the best bet lol.

Might go onto the roof and talk with you. She’ll point out constellations and individual stars, telling you the myths that surround them. It’s really relaxing.

When she realizes you’re ready to call it a night, she’s moved you back to your bed before you even realize it.

[harveywritings92]

BNHA scenario: You can’t feel pain

You were born with a heightened reflex quirk but you were also born with a very rare birth defect called chromosome 6 deletion, that causes you to not feel pain, hunger or fatigue, and you have like zero sense of fear & self preservation , your boyfriend only knows about your Quirk, you've kept your medical history to yourself, until you have an accident and he notices something off and start asking questions!

=======================

Dabi: He hadn't see you in a couple days and got worried, he then got a call from you asking to take you to the slums walk-in clinic, (I like to think, that the villains have whole a network of black market doctors that sympathize with them and run pop-up clinics, you have to have a password to to know where and how get in.) He checked his burner phone for a pop-up clinic and found one near by. 

He got to your location and was stunned when he saw your right arm with a large knife jammed into it and a dead guy on the ground sporting a broken neck, He checked out your arm and winced realizing he couldn't pull it out without causing you anymore damage, He then examine your face, expecting tears, but... you seemed more annoyed by this whole situation then anything, Dabi was expecting you to be crying and whining at him to stop poking and moving your arm around... He thought you were in shock at first, but something was nagging at him that this wasn't normal.

Dabi was silent the entire way to the clinic, his eyes were burning holes into the back of your head, when you both arrived... and the first words the guard said to you was. "Y/n back again, for what? out of pills?" he sighed as you narrowed your eyes at the idiot and raised your injured arm up to show him, his jaw dropped and opened up immediately letting you both in. "What did he mean by that?" Dabi's voice was tense suddenly speaking up, "Why do you need pills?" You stiffened obviously hesitant to say anything, knowing full well Dabi doesn't like people keeping secrets from him! 

"Just wait for Dr. Yuhei to come..."

"You're on first name bases with the staff now too?" 

"...Dabi."

"..."

The cremator crossed his arms as a middle age man came in looking very happy to see her! "Y/n? what the damage today dislocation? burn damage, (cue Dabi flinching) road rash, broken bones..." His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas as he oh and awed at seeing the knife lodged in your arm. "Ha! you got knifed! I love it!" he exclaimed jubilantly while slapping his knee as he took out his tools. 

Dabi just looked at this man like he was mad as a March hare! "What fuck is wrong with you?!" he demanded out getting the doctor's attention, it took a moment for the man to respond.

"Oh! Are you the boyfriend I've been hearing so much about!" the cremator's brows furrowed as Yuhei shook his hand congratulating Dabi for finding a real diamond in the rough! "Not many doctors can say they've worked on a patient with Chromosome 6 deletion!" the raven haired man blinked incredulously. "Chromo what?" now it was the doctor's turn to be confused. "She didn't tell...You didn't tell him?" he watched your face and saw your fraught expression. 

"Huh...Well I'll be. That's certainly new!"

The doctor hummed before telling Dabi what was up about your condition, your boyfriend kept a neutral face but inside his emotions were churning. "Her reluctance to inform you of this...is probably to closes adduce to fear I've ever seen her display." Your face felt hot as you stared at Dabi expecting to him storm out instead, he just watched as the doctor pulled the knife out of your arm in fixed you with no anesthetic or pain-killers , Yuhei informed you that the knife had cracked the bone so you had wear a sling for a couple weeks, then reminded you to change your bandages properly, then handed you a refill of melatonin.  

The walk back home was awkward as hell Dabi had yet to say anything... Before you reached your safehouse you felt Dabi fingers grab your jacket sleeve while keeping his eyes on the ground. "Listen... this thing you have, did I ever hurt you?" You cocked a brow bemused before recalling Yuhei asking you about your injuries, he mentioned burns... and realized where Dabi was going with this, had he burnt you any given point and not known about it due to you not noticing or not telling him.

 You really wanted to say no... You really did! but accidents happen. "Not on purpose..." He winced hearing this as you continued. "sometimes during sex or when you're in a combat high." You reach up and patted him on the head making him flinch before relaxing into your touch. "If it'll keep you sane I'll tell you if I get hurt when we go on a run." Dabi hummed holding you close to him, needless to say the cremator became a tad more wary and protective of you during and after missions insisting he check your body over any injuries you hadn't noticed before leaving. 

===================== 

Hawks: "Can you feel that?" a Nurse asks baffled as You let out a bored sigh as she and the doctor reset your left leg. "No." you huffed for the umpteenth time, wanting to leave the damn hospital already! but Keigo insisted you needed the hospital, cos your leg was swollen and turning purple after really, rough fight with a villain who had gotten a hold of you by the leg and toss you off like a rag-doll as a snapped echoed through the battle field!

I didn't take long for you to figure out your femur was broken and you were a sitting duck! until Endeavor and Hawks showed up they beat the villain, then noticed you sitting in the road with your left leg in your hand hanging limply in your grasp like a wet noddle! 

Your lack of impulse reaction caused them to think you'd gone into shock! Keigo quickly gathered you up flew to the nearest hospital! Telling you not panic everything was gonna be fine, you were gonna be alright! If only he knew the whimpering you were making wasn't from crying, but from laughing at him! 

After the docs had reset your leg (with no meds.) and put it in a cast again without any medication, you rolled your wheelchair out into the hall in time to see the doctor telling your fiancée about your one a billion condition! You can see how nervous the blond was he almost seemed skeptical, Hawks asked the doctor if he was overexaggerating a bit? "...I don't think you get it Hawks! this condition so rare that only 40 cases have ever been recorded globally!" you felt your stomach twist... this was definitely not how you wanted Keigo to find out about this. Your original plan had been to sit him down some time next week and tell him about it!

You were brought out of your thoughts by a someone's gaze burning in to your head, you looked up and met Keigo's analyzing gaze as he observed your condition, not in a bed, not hook to an I.V. and certainly not under the influence of any sort of pain medicine... He seemed a little pale as he approached you. "Hey... can we talk?" he asked you nodded as the two of you got on the elevator to the roof. You could feel him still leering at you as you arrived at your stop. 

"So..wha- what are you doing?!" You asked watching Keigo pinching your arm hard! and realized he was trying to invoke a reaction, but it was useless task as all it did was annoy you, this was the first thing people do when they find out about your chromosome 6 deletion, checking and seeing if you were faking it, Keigo felt panic bubble in his belly as he observed your reaction... or rather your lack of reaction. "Keigo..." You yelped suddenly feeling something tickling you under you chin, causing you to squirm and whimper as you tried not to burst out giggling.

You looked and saw the feather necklace Keigo had given you to be the culprit. "St-stop Keigo! stop!" When he heard you laugh, the blond relaxed, when the doc said you couldn't feel pain... he started wondering if your other senses were numb too, *of course that would be dumb!* he thought thinking back on how you react during sex and how you were acting now, pretty told him that everything else running fine. "Why didn't you tell me about this Chromosome thing?" You pretty much explained how you were, well... scared wasn't the right word, as you have no sense of the feeling, it was more like you were nauseous that his reaction would be negative... 

Hawk looked at you wide eyed. "Wait, you...can't feel fear?" He asked curiously you nodded explaining that you lack of pain has pretty much dampened your instinctive sense of self preservation, which why you tend to go on for so long in a fight even when things get dicey... "So that whimpering on the way over." you nodded. "I was trying not to laugh..." You said bluntly Hawks went oh then curiously asked if he had accidently hurt you during intimate moments? 

You were straight with him, he may have gone a little overboard during ruts, but nothing serious. Keigo didn't seem to like this answer. "Hey look at me." you huffed making gold eyes met your [y/ec] eyes. "I know you'd never hurt me on purpose, and if it makes you feel better you can check me over personally and pull me off patrol if you think somethings not right, does that work for you?" you waited as Hawks thought this over before nodding, The next day neither You nor Keigo were prepared for the tabloids headline: #2 Hero Hawks engaged to Bionic woman! You both cringed at the tacky tile!

=====================

Bakugou: "Stop you idiot!" Katsuki shouted as he watched you get up after one his explosions had sent you flying and crashing into one of the simulation buildings on the training field, as you looked around bemused as everyone was panicking, Toshinori aka your dad and Aizawa came up to you worried, the black haired teacher used his scarf as a bandage on you profusely bleeding head... which you just noticed. "Get a stretcher!" the teacher ordered.

"I don't need one I can wal-" Bakugou cut you off. "Get on the fucking stretcher Y/n!" You robotically obeyed as the medical team carried you to Recovery-Girl, who just shook her head when she saw you come in, she knows about your condition. "Y/n back again today, I'm started to wonder if you and Midoriya are related?" she teased causing you sweat-drop as Bakugou listened intently, and was very confuse when the old lady said this wasn't your first visit today....

"Oi, what exactly was she talkin' about?" the blonde huffed eyeing you suspiciously and was put off by you lack of reaction over your injuries. It didn't take a doctor to know that the knockback from his explosion should've cracked your skull and may have also broken your back, when you hit that building. "Oh, I had a little fall earlier, nothing to worry about."  you said nonchalantly Your dad who was trying to keep himself from coughing up blood on the other hand spoke up. "I wouldn't call getting hit by a car a "Little fall" Y/n." Katsuki's eyes widened, oh if looks could kill. "YOU WERE HIT BY A CAR AND DIDN'T TELL ME?!" He bellowed as All-might jumped back in shock while You stared at your boyfriend with a blank expression. 

He was frothing at the mouth as you listened to the blond rage like a chihuahua on caffeine, you looked at you dad having a metal conversation with the honey blond skeleton who nodded giving you the okay! you were gonna tell your boyfriend about your condition...With a sigh you calmly reached up and pinched Katsuki's nose between your index and middle finger. "Breath damn you!" you hissed the ash blond stilled and looked at you with annoyance for being interrupted. 

"I get that you're angry... But you need to know something." Katsuki let out an inquisitive growl as you looked at him seriously. "I can't feel any of this... at all." You chortled his red eyes widened as you continued. "I was born with a rare Condition, Chromosome 6 deletion?" You looked at your dad, Toshinori nodded you let go of Bakugou's nose. as your dad continued. " In short Y/n can't feel pain, fatigue or hunger, so naturally she lacks a sense of fear." Recovery girl returned wiped the blood off your forehead, and kissed your cheek a few seconds later your head was healed, Katsuki stayed silent as he absorbed everything you and All-Might had told him the teen was really quiet which worried you.  

Your dad sensed the tension and suggested the two of you go for a walk and talk this out, it was silent as you and Katsuki walked to a different part of the school that was more private, You turned to face you and were met with a fist flying at you! then stopping a few inches from your face, You didn't even flinch just gave him the same impassive expression from earlier. "If that was supposed to get a scream out me of you failed...royally." you hummed as as the blond frowned putting his fist down you can’t feel fear, even Half-n- Half’s eyes twitch when Katsuki psych’s him out!

"Why didn't you say anything anything about this?" he asked voice hoarse from yelling, You hummed trying finds the right words. "Well let's just say back in middle school I had a bad fricken time, kids can be cruel! you hummed not going into details on how others would exploit your medical condition for their own twisted fun. "I was...Scared is not the word, Sick the thought of you reacting the same as them made me feel sick." you were surprise when Katsuki pulled you close resting you head against his chest. "I would never hurt you like those brats did." he huffed wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Don't shut me out like that again," he kisses you nose causing you to blush. "fucking tell me if you think somethings wrong so I don't have to worry about your ass!" he huffed keeping one of his arms around you as you two walked back to class. After that Katsuki was a tad more protective of you often asking where that scratch/bruise came from? and checking to make sure you haven't broken anything during class or missions he was like Toshinori 2.0...

[lovelyirony]

hi hello i am feeling very angsty so: rhodeytony ft tony's worrying lack of interest in avoiding getting kidnapped and his bodyguard rhodes' increasing stress levels to save a boss that doesn't want to be saved (and, if the flutter in his heart should be anything to go by - should not be his boss anymore). bodyguard to lovers??

Rhodey is a good bodyguard. Hell, he’s the best. 

That was why Pepper Potts hired him, after all. He’s not easy to fool, can follow anyone with a dogged determination that nearly defies human nature. He’s had successful stories before with glowing reviews from multiple people from all different threatened backgrounds. 

(Including at least three world leaders and a pope.) 

Tony Stark is...new. Well, nearly new. He’s a businessman, which isn’t anything out of the ordinary for Rhodey to deal with. 

…except Tony’s highly eclectic, a billionaire, and purposely makes his behavior as erratic as possible. 

It’s fun. What can Rhodey say? He loves a challenge, and Tony is about as challenging as they come. 

-

When he first starts, Tony tries every trick in the book. Rhodey still sticks to him, although he does leave some distance. Tony tries to make him uncomfortable by bringing just about everyone who looks home, and all Rhodey says is, “you gonna feed them cereal when they wake up? Because that’s all you have in your pantry right now, and you don’t pay me to do the shopping.” 

Tony scowls at that, and then changes his strategy. 

-

It’s an odd strategy. 

Tony decides he will just make Rhodey his friend, starting with the nickname of “Rhodey.” 

“That’s stupid,” Rhodey says, because he can already tell it will stick. 

“Not my problem, just my solution,” Tony grins. “Now come on, we’re getting burgers.” 

They’re at a sit-down restaurant. One of Tony’s favorites, actually. Rhodey is not sure why he’s sitting down across from the man with the most influence in the world, but he is. 

“So, what’s new with you? Who are you?” Tony asks. “Pepper sent me your file. You’re from Philly, right?” 

“Oh my god, you sound weird when you say it like that,” Rhodey says, deciding against formality as he basically tells Tony Stark that he sounds weird and shouldn’t say “Philly.” 

“Oh what, is that not what the locals call it?” 

“I’m going to take you there and they’re going to beat you up.” 

“Not the worst Sunday night I’ve ever had,” Tony mentions. “Hey, look at the menu. I don’t want you to flounder when the waitress shows up and you know fuck-all about what they have to offer.” 

“Okay asshole, any recommendations?” 

“The banana milkshake and bacon-burger.” 

Rhodey looks at the menu. 

He does end up with the bacon-burger, but chooses strawberry for his flavor of milkshake. 

“You traitor.” 

“Oh am I? Well then let me tell Pepper that you stole the last good pen she had then-” 

Tony flings a fry at him, and Rhodey laughs. 

- 

Here’s a concerning thing: Tony has a very “c’est la vie” approach about kidnapping. 

Like he genuinely doesn’t really give a shit if he knows what’s going on, or even if he doesn’t. 

Rhodey was eagle-eyed and chased a van three fucking blocks and caught up to the driver, wherein he punched his lights out and got Tony out. His hands were bound in zip-ties and his suit was rumpled, but Tony just blinked at him. 

“You think you broke a racing record with that?” 

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did they take anything?” 

Rhodey’s all over Tony, checking for any injuries, any stolen wallets or watches, and thank god everything is there. (Not that Tony would really care if anything was stolen, save for his sunglasses. He spends far too much on those, in Rhodey’s opinion.) 

“Okay geez,” Tony says, batting Rhodey’s hands away. “I’m fine. These people were amateurs. Shit, I’m running late for my consultation meeting, aren’t I?” 

“You just got kidnapped,” Rhodey says, tone rife with disbelief. “You just got taken and your concern is with the consultation meeting?” 

“Well I figured that you were going to come by or I’d be gone a lot longer, but now that I’m not? Yeah. Yeah, I am concerned with the consultation meeting. It’s a tech start-up company, only not that shitty Silicon-nice-guy start-up. It’s a more inclusive thing. I don’t know, I read their little ‘about’ section on their website. Which needs work. But that’s besides the point.” 

Rhodey just follows, dumb in disbelief. 

The few rare times that previous clients have been kidnapped or even attempted, they’ve needed a day to recuperate at minimum. They were shaken up, and usually beefed up the security for the rest of time after it. They also scheduled therapy appointments. 

Tony treated this like it was a traffic jam and he was only running five minutes behind. 

- 

The second time it happens when Rhodey’s there, it lasts a little longer. 

Rhodey has to admit, he maybe did some...under-the-radar looks. The FBI wasn’t moving fast enough, and the legal channels weren’t up to snuff. And besides, Tony did say that he could use Jarvis if he really wanted to. 

(Turns out they both went to MIT at the same time, and Tony had been that obnoxiously short guy in his econ class that rarely showed up, but when he did he showed up in a suspiciously nice outfit.) 

It was a weekend. Rhodey had gone away for two seconds to get a drink for Tony and then he was gone. 

It was...bad. 

The problem is this: 

Tony definitely doesn’t need to be kidnapped as often as he is. He has so many inventions that can prevent that, he’s sold quite a few of them to the military. 

But for some fucking reason, he doesn’t want to be saved. No, he’s content just going along with what’s happening, even though everyone else around him wants him back. Needs him back. 

He finds him bruised and tied up to a shitty folding chair. 

“Hey darling,” Tony says, lips a bloody red. “Can you believe this chair? I would’ve thought they would at least have gotten something a tad nicer. I am their best-dressed guest, after all.” 

Rhodey looks over the torn shirt and the pants that have all but been shredded. His shoes are battered and stained beyond repair. 

“Don’t,” Rhodey says. He sounds tired. He is tired. “Don’t do this.” 

“Don’t do what, get kidnapped? I hardly try,” Tony snaps. “Or do I just have a sign on my back that you didn’t know was there?” 

“You know I was in the Air Force,” Rhodey snaps back. “I got high enough clearance that I was one of the guys who got to see what brand new toy you sent our way. I know you could use any of those, shit, you probably tested it out, so you would know.” 

“And your point?” Tony asks. “What, you’re saying I should know better? Saying you know better than me?” 

“You know what? Yeah, yeah I am saying that,” Rhodey yells as he’s untying him. “I am fucking saying that I know more than you because you couldn’t give less of a shit if you tried about your own well-being! You were kidnapped and I’ve been running myself ragged trying to get you back, and you just don’t care!” 

Tony stares at him. Really stares at him. 

“Let’s go home.” 

Nothing else is said in the car ride home. Tony can’t even look at Rhodey. 

They go home, where Pepper greets Tony with a hug and makes him swear not to leave again, and Tony says “I promise,” only they both know that he’s lying. 

But they’re not calling him out on it yet. No, not tonight. 

- 

Rhodey stays. Technically he doesn’t have to. Jarvis is the most advanced artificial intelligence system in the world. Hell, he’s the only one that’s even in his league, but Rhodey just...feels better staying. 

And Tony’s mansion is a gargantuan structure with about twenty different rooms to choose from, so Rhodey gets a nice view and tries to go to bed. 

He’s never gotten enough sleep. He knows he never would. That’s why the army loved him: he could be up at any hour and he’d be fine. That’s why his dad called him the bane of his existence in a loving manner: Rhodey would be up at four in the morning filling out the crossword before anyone else could. 

He’s up at four a.m. making breakfast. 

Tony’s pantry is still shit, but it looks like Pepper went shopping for him or had someone else do it, because he actually has eggs and juice and actual food instead of the odd pickle jar or way-too-old yogurt. 

“You’re...up,” Tony says. 

Rhodey turns around. 

“Sorry. I, um. Stayed.” 

“It’s fine,” Tony says awkwardly. “What are you making?” 

“Omelet.” 

“I always mess those up,” he says. “Either too much cheese or I forget I’m cooking it.” 

“You want one?” 

“You gonna make me one?” 

“Accidentally cracked one too many eggs, so yes. You want onions and spinach in yours?” 

“Sure,” Tony says. “What are you doing up?” 

“Always bad at sleeping,” Rhodey answers. “Can never really stay asleep for too long.” 

“Forget to take your melatonin gummies?” Tony answers, grinning. 

Rhodey can see a bruise on his collarbone. 

“You sleep okay?” 

“No, but I rarely ever do,” Tony says. “Especially after yesterday’s fiasco.” 

“You mean the whole weekend,” Rhodey says, putting the rest of the eggs into the pan. “Can’t imagine that was fun.” 

“Oh come on, it was a ball,” Tony answers sarcastically. “They let me play cops-and-robbers and I was given pizza. Clearly it was a fantastic time.” 

Rhodey stares at Tony. 

“You know in the contract that I had you sign it specifically states that you have to let me help you, right?” 

“It says you have to rescue me regardless of feelings or previous obligations,” Tony says. 

“Rescuing you doesn’t just mean I chase after vans and track you down in an abandoned warehouse, it means that I rescue you from those situations before they can happen. But I can only do that if you agree that you won’t get kidnapped,” he says. 

“And what, I want to?” Tony asks. “Do I say that?” 

“You don’t have to,” Rhodey says, flipping the omelet over. “You never think you’re worth rescuing it because you think you’re never going to be good enough and I think you think that you owe me for giving a shit.” 

Tony looks at him. 

“You’re really honest.” 

“I try to be.” 

“I love that about you.” 

Rhodey’s hand shakes slightly as he moves the omelet a bit in the pan. He hopes Tony doesn’t notice. 

“Well I would love it if you stopped being kidnapped.” 

“Aye aye, Colonel Rhodes,” Tony says, saluting. Rhodey rolls his eyes. 

“Oh my god, do not.” 

“What, am I not supposed to thank our armed services for making this country safe?” he mocks, standing up. “For going above and beyond the call of patriotism and helping keep Americans everywhere safe?” 

Rhodey threatens to eat his omelet when he breaks into singing the national anthem. 

- 

There’s an...understanding. 

Tony starts taking up training with Happy and almost agrees to regular training with Rhodey until Rhodey wants him to get up at six and do some workouts, and he yells “No!” after one workout session. 

Rhodey pointedly pretends like he’s not staring at Tony’s chest when he lifts up his shirt to wipe away the sweat. 

“Come on Rhodey my darling, let’s do breakfast.” 

Tony dragging him to breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. It’s...nice. Rhodey ignores it when Tony waggles his eyebrows as he takes the check and calls him “darling, honey, baby,” and he lets him because it sounds nice. 

He doesn’t say anything to Tony. No, you can’t date your boss. It’s unprofessional as hell and Tony probably is just doing it because Rhodey’s in close proximity and they have a good banter going. 

- 

The next time that Tony has an attempted kidnapping, Rhodey is there. 

He’s there, and he’s being taken away, dragged from Tony, and Tony for the first time looks terrified. 

Rhodey tries to struggle, tries to do anything, because Tony has to get away, and he...

He’s knocked unconscious. 

-

When he wakes up, his head hurts worse than it ever has, and for a moment he’s pissed at Tony because he forgets that he’s been kidnapped and there’s no control over the thermostat because the room is hot as all get out. 

And then he sees Tony across from him, and he’s never seen Tony angry. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony says, voice shaking. “I’ll get us out of here. I promise. I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault we have assholes take us,” Rhodey says. “But god I would kill for some air conditioning.” 

Tony smiles a bit at that. 

- 

Here’s a problem: you cannot give Tony Stark anything if you want him to not escape. Either that or he has to be unconscious because he’s a stubborn son of a bitch. 

And they used actual handcuffs to keep him there. God, what a joke. 

Tony learned how to break out of handcuffs when he was twenty and chained to a bedpost on accident. (Long story.) 

This is nothing. 

But the problem is that Rhodey’s here. His bodyguard who really shouldn’t be putting his life on the line for someone as shitty as Tony, but here they are, and he has to get him out. 

“Follow my lead,” Tony whispers. 

“Well of course I will, who else has as much experience being kidnapped as you?” Rhodey mutters. 

“Okay is now going to be the time where you sass me? You’re here too. I could leave you.” 

“You’re not gonna do that, Pepper would make you come back.” 

“No she wouldn’t.” 

“Yeah she would!” 

“Not after I tell her that you used the last of her salad dressing.” 

“Shit.” 

Tony snorts, looking at the room. They don’t have security cameras, which is just...questionable. Oh my god, he got kidnapped by amateurs. 

He’s kind of embarrassed. 

Rhodey gets free, and they’re both headed towards a door, and Rhodey picks up a stray part of a metal pole, and Tony cannot lie and say he’s not intrigued by that. 

Not saying he hopes Rhodey gets to use it. 

He’s just curious how he’ll utilize it. 

- 

They get to just. Walk out. They fucking walk out. What kind of people did they get kidnapped from? It can’t be that easy, can it? 

It can’t be...

It is. 

Okay sure Tony is driving in a hotwired car and they’re being shot at, but all things considered that’s not the worst thing. And the truck is probably considered stolen anyways, and once Tony makes it to the highway, it’s not like they’ll be able to follow without making it onto national news, not that they haven’t already. 

Pepper’s very effective at getting things to trend on national news when she wants to. 

- 

Rhodey is sitting on a beach chair. He shouldn’t be, and he also shouldn’t be drinking a mimosa because it’s four p.m. and definitely the morning, but he figures since he got kidnapped he’s allowed at least one mimosa. 

“So. Your first kidnapping?” Tony asks. “All things considered, yours went well. I think next time we should go to Wendy’s or something, I was starving-” 

“I’m just. I’m glad we’re okay,” Rhodey says. “But yeah. Maybe next time. If there is a next time. I’m going to I think make you hold hands with me so that you don’t get napped by terrible, shitty people.” 

“You could’ve just asked to hold my hand, we didn’t need to be kidnapped together,” Tony says. 

“Hm, is that a breach of contract?” Rhodey teases. 

“Only if Pepper decides to enforce it, and she won’t because you’re the first bodyguard to have an actual success story with me,” Tony says. “So. I’m thinking maybe we skip the kidnapping next time and go straight for dinner.” 

“Oh thank god, I thought you were gonna say a fast food restaurant.” 

“I still could, you don’t know,” Tony grins, winking. “What if our first date is to Burger King? What are you gonna do?” 

“Be mad that I still like you,” Rhodey grumbles. 

Tony cackles, dropping a kiss onto his hand. 

“Do you think I should get another bodyguard or will dragging you away during a party be too awkward for them?” 

“...I’ll think about it.” 

(They don’t get a new bodyguard. 

No matter how much the other security complains that Rhodey’s the only one who knows where Tony is at all times, and they can’t exactly ask them if they’re busy doing...things. 

Rhodey finds it hilarious.) 

[camistired]

stranger

scenario: trying to show Bucky that your there for him during tfatws, but he keeps ignoring you

a/n: i started writing this yesterday after watching the first episode of tfatws. if people like this, i might make this a whole ff following the show, so let me know if you like this. also please ignore any mistakes or if it’s wordy, i haven’t written anything in months. i am open to criticism!

edit: i didn’t realize i didn’t name until i was trying to add it to my masterlist, so please ignore the half-assed name, please and thankyou

reader has been left gender-neutral and has no specific race written

spoiler warning

It had been a few months since everyone started reappearing, yourself included. The last thing you remembered was waiting out the fight with Thanos with Shuri, and you remembered feeling lighter then usual and you watched as your friend turned to dust before your very eyes. However what felt like the same breathe, you watched as her being was rebuilt by the same dust the took her away.

It had been a lot to process, to know that you and others close to you had basically died, and came back to the same exact fight happening. It was worse to come back to know that one of your dearest friends was dead and she couldn’t be brought back like the lot of you. It sucked standing in-between Bucky and Sam at Tony’s funeral.

You had missed five years of life, and for what? For some giant purple pyscho titan to stop over population and then become a space rancher? In your eyes, it was complete and utter bullshit. But you can’t change the past.

With Steve’s retirement, Bucky’s pardon, and Sam still kicking ass and saving people as The Falcon, you felt lost. Everyone else has scattered around to handle everything by themselves. But you thrived off of others, that’s just how you worked. So, sitting lonely in your single bedroom Brooklyn apartment, you let out a loud sigh.

You stayed in New York, purely for Bucky’s sake. The man is a hundred and six, and is an ex-assassin, he doesn’t need your help. Especially since you can barely hold a gun without nearly pissing your pants. But you knew the man was basically alone. He spent his past ninety years being in and out of ice fighting, except when he had his moment of peace in Wakanda.

You’ve tried to reach out, called him every now and again, but it was always went to voicemail. You left so many voicemails, your surprised it isn’t full by now. But you’ll keep leaving them, no matter if he actually listens to them or if he just deletes them immediately. You hoped that they gave him some sort of comfort if he did ever listen to them.

You looked at the time, it was a quarter past eleven. You let out another sigh. Something you still haven’t been able to get down was your damn sleep schedule. Sometimes you stayed up until two - three in the morning and sleep into the afternoon, and that was on a good day. You tried to establish a routine, but it just  never worked. If you tried to go to bed earlier, you end up either staring at the ceiling till sunrise or waking up in the middle of the night, for no reason. You didn’t have to use the bathroom, you didn’t have a nightmare, you just woke up, and you couldn’t go back to sleep, no matter what you tried. You’ve expressed this to your brother, you suggests maybe you go see a therapist, maybe do a sleep study, but you just shut the ideas down. That was the last things you wanted to do, was be monitored.

However, you couldn’t do this anymore. You forced yourself out of bed and changed your clothes from your normal sweatpants and baggy t-shirt to leggings and a slightly less baggy shirt. If you couldn’t fall asleep naturally, might as well take a walk around the block and maybe take a melatonin tablet or two, see if that does anything.

Locking your door, you start walking down your hall when you see a man walk away from your neighbor’s, Yori Nakajima’s, door. You’ve known the old man for as long as you lived here. You’ve tried to help him out as much as he will let you, and even though he’ll never admit it, he appreciates the help. He tries to repay in small ways, he even offers you to join him and a younger friend of his for sushi down at Izzy, but you always turn him down. You helped to help, not get anything in return.

You walked up to Yori’s door but he closed it before you could reach his door. You sighed and instead decided to talk to the man walking away.

“Excuse me!” You called out, walking towards him. He seemed to tense up and walked a little faster but you touch his arm before he could go much farther.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, I just have a few question...”

He cursed under his breathe but he didn’t move. That’s when you noticed the way he held himself. His body language very much showed he was uncomfortable, and whether he was doing on purpose or subconsciously, he was leaning away from where your hand met his arm.

You moved your hand back down to your side but you walked in front of him and you froze when you saw his face.

“Bucky?!”

He seemed to shy into himself more when you recognized who he was, making you instantly felt bad. However, examining him he looked different. His hair was a big one, ever since you first met Bucky,  his hair was shoulder length. But he looked a lot cleaner with shorter hair, his loose curls a lot more prominent now. However, that  seemed to showcase the most change. It felt as if he went backwards more than anything.

His jacket, the gloves, the brooding energy radiating off of him. He felt like the man you met back when the whole “Civil War” mess was happening.

He softly addressed you, but he still never looked at you directly. It was concerning especially since you considered you two close. But maybe it was because you two haven’t talked properly? Maybe because he’s been ignoring your calls? Whatever the reason, you didn’t care. It made you feel better he was out talking to people, no matter that it was your older neighbor, he was interacting with people. It made you wonder if he had talk to Sam, but you doubted it.

“Long time no see, stranger. Glad to see your still alive.”

He looked at you with a blank expression, and you recognized that looked. He was looking for a tell, if you were angry at him or not. In all honesty, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be angry like he excepted you to be. You’re glad he was doing something, he didn’t have to be okay fully, just as long as he was going out.

“I’m not angry, Bucky.” You said flatly, as his eyes met yours. You could tell that he relaxed, physically. “I mean, concerned, sure. Scared you had locked yourself in your apartment, definitely. But not mad. Just... wished you would have called. Sent a text to let me know you were okay... Anything, really.”

He sighs, “I know... I should have done something- said something. I just have a lot going on.”

“Everyone does. Half of the population got turned into dust, we’ve lost a lot of friends. It’s just... we’ve gotta stay together, you know? We can’t rely on Steve anymore... And the more we’re by ourselves, the more we’re just creating terrible coping mechanisms, ya know?”

He seems to be taking in your words and you just smile at him softly. “Just think about it, okay?”

You begin walking down the hall before you turn towards him again, “Oi! And Barnes?”

He looks up at you, “Yeah?”

“If I don’t hear from you soon, just know I will hunt you down and beat your ass! No more of this distancing, stranger shit. I know how to find you now. And you know where I live!”

You smirk as you turn around to finally go on that walk, but little did you know that Bucky had a little smirk of his own as he took in your words.

“No more distancing, no more acting like a stranger... I have to start nurturing my friendships...”

[averyonelovesjack]

learning to raise a baby ~ daniel seavey

requested: yes:)

Can you please do an cute imagine about y/n and Daniel having a baby together and taking care of the baby and figuring the parenting stuff out together. Ur amazing

summary: follow a few different events in the life of daniel and y/n learning to raise a baby.

warning(s): baby, literally too lazy to edit this i’ll come back later lmao

word count: 2608

author’s note: i have such baby fever omg 

disclaimer: i def need to clarify that i am 18 years old and do not have a baby and i have no close friends with babies (in person, at least) therefore this is purely fiction. i watch a LOT (i mean A LOT) of family vloggers and like teen mom accounts raising their kids, so basically all of my knowledge comes from that. i hope no one takes offence to my depiction of it, but my intention is purely just to write this cute fic idea, and i don’t want to pretend like i know anything about parenting or raising a child or anything like that!! okay that’s all!!

I could barely see my feet as I painfully took in another breath of air and started walking forward. Awoken at 3am with terrible back pain and a pool of amniotic fluid at my waist, Daniel and I now rushed to grab our hospital bag and make our way to the labor and delivery section of our nearest hospital. 

everything went so fast. before i was actively having a child, it felt like my pregnancy would never end, but now that it’s actually happening and i’m having a child, it felt like pregnancy flew by.

just a few days ago, i was sitting on the countertop in my bathroom, impatiently waiting to see if i was pregnant or not in hopes that daniel wouldn’t get home from the studio early and find me. i had just given daniel the surprise of his lifetime when i woke him up at four am to tell him i was pregnant because i just couldn’t keep it from him anymore to do a fun reveal. i remember how we both cried, too excited to even go back to sleep. 

just a few days ago, daniel and i were sitting in my obstetrician’s office as we got to hear our eight week old fetus’ heartbeat for the first time. we both cried. it feels like just a day or two ago we cut into a pink colored cake and found out that our precious baby girl would be coming. all of the breakdowns about what stroller to buy and which crib matches the nursey best felt like just moments ago. and now, all of a sudden, i’m ten hours into labor and i’m ready to push.

pushing was painful, but the thought of holding a sweet babygirl soon just kept me going. daniel squeezed my hand tight, standing by the end of the bed watching our beautiful daughter make her way into the world.

i gave the final push and soon i heard a cry that made everything in the whole world worth it. they say you never truly understand love until you’ve had a child, and as soon as i held our daughter, i felt an overwhelming sense of truth in that statement. i never knew such a distinct moment could be the greatest day of my life, but as soon as i laid my eyes on her, i knew that i would never get a day greater than this one. 

our daughter laid on my chest for a while as daniel sat by my head, holding both my hand and hers. eventually, the nurses cleaned her off a bit and wrapped her tightly in a swaddle for daniel to finally hold his daughter. i watched the tears fall from his bluer than ever eyes that never left her little face. by the way she settled in his arms and fell asleep, i knew i was going to have a daddy’s little girl on our hands. 

it felt like forever, just watching daniel and our baby getting to know each other. soon enough, though, the doctors finished with the stitches and i heard a knock at the door. 

within seconds, both of our parents came into the room, bearing wide smiles. daniel sat in the seat next to me, both of us staring at the beautiful baby in front of us. 

“does she have a name?” keri asks, slowly walking up to the two of us, careful not to be too loud. 

daniel and i look at each other, and then i give him the nod to tell everyone. “callista avery mae seavey.”

“our little baby callie.” i smile at the name. daniel and i both loved the name callie, but wanted it to be a nickname. avery was after his bandmate who really helped us through this whole preparing to be parents thing. mae was a pretty nickname from my side of the family that was good to separate avery and seavey. our little callie mae. 

***

it was three am and both of us were awake to callie’s loud screaming. turns out that daniel and i had a very colicky daughter who, when awake, wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. daniel was in the nursery trying to grab more diapers and wipes that, out of exhaustion, we forgot to restock last night when we ran out. i held callie in our arms, rocking her gently and trying to get her to go back to sleep. 

“does she have a dirty diaper?” daniel asks, placing the diapers in the corner of our messy bedroom. a few days into callie’s life, we realized we should’ve left the changing table in our bedroom until she was ready to sleep in the nursey, but both of us were too tired to even think about moving the furniture around. so for now the corner of the room was storage and a changing pad on the bench was our late night changing table. 

“i don’t think so.” i answer, giving him an exhausted look. “her diaper isn’t heavy and i tried to feed her, but she doesn’t seem to be hungry. i think she just woke up and is being colicky again.”

“how long did the doctor say the colic will last?” daniel asks. 

“she didn’t.” i sigh, going to take a seat on our bed as i continued to calm callie. daniel sat beside me. “go back to sleep, i got her.”

“no, i know you’ve been awake all night. try to go to sleep, i’ve got her.” daniel says, and then takes callie from me. “did you take melatonin tonight?”

“yeah.” i say. “i know your body goes through a lot of changes postpartum, but i’m really not liking the insomnia.”

“okay, well, you lay down, and i’m gonna sing to you both, okay?” daniel says and then starts to rock callie to sleep as i laid beside them. and then he started to sing softly. 

***

callie was born a little over three months ago and daniel and i haven’t had a date night since then. when we fearfully realized that last week, jack and anna were both quick to offer some help. we hadn’t felt comfortable leaving callie yet, especially since she wasn’t always the easiest. we had lots of help and people offering, but neither daniel nor i were good at asking for help. that’s definitely something we’re both still working on, especially now that we have a baby. 

finally though, jack and anna convinced us. originally, we were going to leave them with daniel’s parents, but anna and jack were pretty convincing. jack had lots of experience since he himself is a dad, and anna was very close with gabbie when she had lavender. jack also decided to invite zach for some more company, which was cute.

daniel and i had a hard time saying goodbye to callie, even though we really were only going to be out for two hours at most. we knew neither of us could stay away for that long. 

the restaurant wasn’t too far from the house, which was nice because it cut down on our time away from callie. i think both of us were a little nervous to leave her. we both know that she’s three months old and other people are more than capable of watching her for a few hours, but it’s still hard to not be worried about all of the things we could be missing out on.

“oh my gosh, anna just sent a picture of callie.” daniel says in the middle of our dinner, holding up his phone to show up me the picture of our daughter in the adorable pajamas her aunt bought. 

“i miss her.” i admit, knowing he was feeling similarly. “do you think they had a hard time getting her to sleep? i hope she’ll be good for them tonight.”

“i’m sure she was fine.” daniel says, then later . “you know, maybe we should skip dessert. relieve them a little early.”

“she’s growing up so fast.” i tell him. “i’m not ready for her to keep growing.”

“we’re gonna blink and she’s gonna be cursing us out because we wouldn’t let her go out with her friends.” daniel continues. “not that we would do that, because honestly, i’ve always thought we’d be a little cooler than that.”

i laugh at his comment. “oh, we’ll definitely be cooler than that. we’re not gonna be the lame strict parents that doesn’t let their kids go out with their friends.”

“oh definitely.” daniel agrees. “except i will be strict about doors open if someone is over. i don’t care who she’s in her room with, but that door better be open. i am taking no chances.”

“i feel like that’s fair.” i add. “i know we’re parents, but wow, until i think about that future, i kind of forget.”

“i’m very glad that’s a long ways away.” he comments. “i’m barely ready for her to be three months old, we do not need to get ahead of ourselves. take this parenting thing one step at a time.”

“i could not agree more.” i smile, leaning over the table to kiss daniel’s lips gently. 

***

i walked out of my one year old’s nursery with her in my arms. we watched as daniel and anna hung balloons up around our california apartment. it’s just about an hour before callie’s first birthday party, and now more than ever, i could not be more grateful for daniel’s family’s offer to help us set up. 

rather than fighting with figuring out food for the party, we decided to get it catered. christian and tyler offered to go pick up the food at the restaurant for us, which was extremely helpful. his parents were setting up some decorations around the front of the apartment. 

i had just put callie in her adorable dress that i specifically picked out for this party. we weren’t the type to throw parties, so we weren’t 100% sure what to do or what to expect, but we decided to just stick to family and close friends. callie was too young for us to strictly invite her friends over. at this stage in her life, her friends were whoever was at mommy&me that week. 

the party was going to be small. daniel’s family, my family, daniel’s bandmates and close friends, and then my close friends. 

thankfully, we finished decorating and setting up with about thirty minutes left to spare before the party. rather than worry, i decided to just sit on the couch with anna and daniel. keri took callie from me, wanting to spend some time with her granddaughter, and giving daniel and i a brief break before the party started. 

“i cannot believe she’s a year old.” anna exclaims to me. “you guys have been parents for a year. that’s crazy to think about.”

“it’s definitely a little bit weird.” i giggle in response. 

“you guys make it look so easy, being young parents.” anna says. “i know i’m younger than you guys, but still, i cannot imagine having a kid anytime soon.”

“i didn’t think i would either.” i tell anna. “for me, i wasn’t really ready until i met dani. i realized that i was ready because i wanted to do this with him. it’s different for everyone, i’m sure, but at least personally, that’s how i knew we could be parents.”

daniel wraps his arm around me on the couch, kissing my cheek softly. “yeah, it’s the same for me. when you find someone you want to do everything with, it gets easier to imagine yourself parenting together.”

“that is really cute.” anna says. “this is what i mean, when i say you make it look easy!!”

“it’s definitely not easy.” i laugh. “but it’s a little bit easier when you work as a team. we talk things through and decide together, instead of just making decisions separately. it’s a lot easier to feel like you’re making the right decision when you talk things through.”

“and that is all the parenting advice you get, because while i am most definitely ready to be a dad, i am not ready to be an uncle.” daniel says, getting protective over his younger sister. 

“being an uncle is way easier than being a dad.” anna laughs. “but trust me, i’m not having kids any time soon. at least not intentionally.”

“well, i have to be the cool uncle. someone’s gotta bail the kid out of jail and hide it from you.” daniel jokes.

“first of all, why would my kid go to jail??” anna asks. “and second of all, you might’ve been first in the race for cool uncle before callie arrived, but since becoming a dad, you’ve fallen behind. the cool uncle can’t have kids, that’s not how that works.”

“well i’ll break that standard, because i’ll be the cool uncle.” 

“i just want to be the aunt that gives good advice at one o’clock in the morning.” i tell them. “someone’s gotta do it. i expect that for callie, anna, so i will do that for your kids.”

“oh, of course. nothing but the best for callie. and future kids.” anna agrees. “speaking of, future kids? any thoughts on that? mom wants me to scope that out.”

“eventually.” i smile. “sooner rather than later.”

***

daniel took callie on a walk. he’s been really adamant about spending at least thirty minutes a day on a walk with her. now that she’s getting a lot more balance and ability to take a lot more steps, he loves taking her to the playground a few blocks from our apartment. usually, i like to go with them, but today i made up an excuse about things i had to get done at home.

i felt especially grateful for that routine of his today, because i needed a few minutes to myself. i’ve been feeling particularly nauseated recently, and as soon as i woke up the other day, i could feel that i was pregnant again. in the past, i had always thought that when i was paranoid about being late, but now that i’ve actually experienced pregnancy, i can feel that there’s a little fetus inside of me.

daniel and i haven’t exactly been trying, but we haven’t been taking as many precautions as we were when callie was first born. now that she’s over a year old, we feel better about having another baby. we weren’t too rushed, because we lot spending time with just our little girl, but we didn’t want to wait too long and have her grow up without a sibling. having a sibling was always a priority of daniel and i’s. seeing as we both grew up with siblings, we know how important it is to have a sibling. 

my stomach fluttered with butterflies as i followed the instructions on the pregnancy test. after realizing i was pregnant with callie, i had bought a ton of tests that i didn’t end up using because it was so obvious that i was indeed pregnant. that was extremely helpful for right now when i don’t have time to go sit in traffic for thirty minutes just to go to the pharmacy. 

i sat on top of the counter, leaving the pregnancy test face down while i tried to scroll through tiktok and distract myself. it was probably the slowest five minutes of my life, other than finding out about callie. 

the timer went off on my phone. i take a deep breath and carefully lift the pregnancy test off the marble bathroom counter.

pregnant. 

[thisisgonnafuxkinkillme]

Save Me, Please!

Chapter 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  ...

𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰:

Stalking, gaslighting, phycological manipulation, anything that has to do with the yandere trope.

Months later, you were lonelier than ever. Each day was the same. Work, home. Work, home. Work, home. After that God awful experience, you were utterly uninterested in dating. The only other human you ever communicated with regularly was All Might, and those conversations were so one sided that you couldn’t get yourself excited to see him. He’d never let you get half of a word in before asking another question, or giving another compliment.

You had to admit, though, he was sweet, and he did certainly brighten up your day at least a little bit.

What began as an occasional sighting before work became a daily walk with you. It was almost as if he was your personal escort. 

“I just don't want you to get hurt! You’ve seen the news, haven’t you?” is what he’d say, before whisking you away. You couldn’t really protest all that much in the end. 

One day, as you were leaving from work, you saw him waiting for you. He looked different, and you could definitely tell that he had gotten ready to see you. 

He had his hands behind his back, hiding some kind of surprise. You approached him semi-hesitantly, not sure what he had in store.

“Y/n! I’m so glad I got to see you again!” he beamed. You forced a laugh. He saw you literally every single day. This morning, even.

He presented the gift to you: a comically large bouquet of flowers, of all different kinds, but the most prominent ones in the middle were your favorite. 

How did he know that?

You were shocked, looking up at him for reassurance. He met you with a sweet grin.

“So, um...y/n... I’d like to ask you something,” he mumbled, bending down to meet you at your level. 

“What is it?” 

“Um...would you like to...have coffee with me? Or...something?” 

You spoke before you could think.

“Yes, I’d love to!” 

His face lit up even more than usual, which you didn’t even think could be humanly possible at this point. 

“Are you free tomorrow? In the morning? Or maybe tonight? Or, what about right now? Can you do it right now?” 

“Um... can we do something more like Saturday? It’s only like 3 days away,” you offer. His eye twitches a little.

“Why not tomorrow? I know you get off early. Come on, it’ll be fun!” 

“How...how did you know I got off earlier tomorrow?”

“Oh, you mentioned that to me once! Don’t you remember?” 

“I...I guess I do. Okay, I’ll meet you tomorrow after work, then.”

The day came and went peacefully. You retreated into the restroom right after clocking out to tidy yourself up a little before your...date?

 I guess that's what you could call it.

All Might was waiting for you outside, wearing a completely unnecessarily extravagant suit. This heavily contrasted with your business casual attire, and it brought many unwanted stares.

"Oh! There you are! You made me worry that you may not show up!" He grinned, gripping you in a too-tight bear hug.

It'd only taken you an extra 5 minutes to get tidied up. Maybe even less.

"Um...where are we supposed to be going?" You asked, trying to figure out why he'd be dressing like that.

"I thought you picked out a place!" He laughed. You sighed, shaking your head.

But eventually you both settled on a nice-ish restaurant down the road.

You took your seats and began chatting as usual. Everything was fine, nearly perfect, really, until the waiter came to take your drink orders.

He was around your age, his face soft and kind yet handsome. He was totally your type.

"What can I get for you, pretty lady? Oh, and for you, sir?" He asked, pen in hand.

The hero's eyes flashed.

"I'll just have a soda, please!" You smiled. All Might broke out of his internal monologue for a moment at the sound of your voice.

"I will have one of those as well."

You stupidly didn't notice anything was wrong.

"Alright, here's your sodas, and what can I get for your lovely daughter, sir?"

"my...what?" He slammed his fist on the table.

"Calm down! It's not a big deal!" You scream-whispered. He clenched his teeth, sighing. Your heart was beating out of your chest; you'd never seen All Might ever act like this. Frankly, you were scared.

"I deeply apologize, miss. I didn't mean to assume anything."

"Oh, it's fine! People tell me I look young for my age all the time."

"oh? How old are you, then?"

"That's enough,” All Might gritted. His knuckles were white at this point. 

All Might slammed a few bills on the table, grabbing you by the arm and basically dragging you out.

"Hey, what the hell?! What's your problem?" You spat, crossing your arms.

"My problem is...ugh!! You don't know?"

You balled up your fists. Of course you didn't know.

"Why can't you just tell me? Why do you always need to act so fucking weird around me?!"

His eye twitched. But he remained strangely, unsettlingly calm.

"Oh, y/n... I just want you to stay safe. Surely you can understand that, can't you?" He purred, petting you gently on your head.

You swallowed.

"I...I get that..."

He smiled sweetly, as if nothing was wrong just moments ago.

You spent the rest of your date walking in the park, which was even more ridiculous considering he was still donning the extravagant suit and the weather was much too hot for anything like that.

That night, you flipped on the TV, but stopped as BREAKING NEWS flashed on the bottom of the screen.

"There is currently an 8pm curfew out after the third incident this year of a seemingly spontaneous murder. The victim, 2X year old Martin Grey, is the third victim in a series of seemingly connected murders. Officials Are urging all citizens to stay inside, and to report any suspicious activity."

You sighed, flipping off the television.

I'm so sick of hearing all this negative bullshit news...

It took you much longer than usual to get to sleep that night. Something just felt... incredibly wrong. You tried to convince yourself that you were totally safe, but the darkened corners of your room reached out to you, drawing off of your panic.

Finally, after taking way too many melatonin, your eyes shut and you drifted away.

When you woke up from your not so peaceful sleep, you couldn’t move. You were experiencing sleep paralysis, and no matter how much you fought, not a single muscle even flinched.

In the corner of your room, you saw him.

It was a familiar face, but you couldn’t pinpoint who exactly it was. He was huddled at the head of the bed, silently staring at you while he was bathed in the black inkiness of night.

He noticed your fluttering eyelids, frowning. Yet he said nothing. All you could do was helplessly watch as he retreated out of your room.

You were still fighting the paralysis even after he was gone, as well as the pure terror that came with it.

As soon as you got control of your bodily functions, you immediately shot up and googled what just happened.

“Sleep paralysis is a fairly common occurrence that doesn’t signify any mental or spiritual unrest...” a website told you. You sighed.

It wasn’t real. It didn’t happen.

...Right?

You began your day, and since it was a weekend all you had to do was make a pot of coffee and get going.

When you entered your kitchen, you noticed something.

The window was wide open.

———

“All Might... I think someone broke into my apartment last night,” you whimpered into the phone. You didn’t even say hello. You just had to tell someone, anyone about what happened.

He remained silent.

“I...I saw him,” you mumbled shakily, “but... I don’t know why he didn’t... do anything. I don’t know what he wanted.”

“This is why I’m so concerned for you, y/n. You’re always making mistakes like forgetting to lock your windows, and-“

You cut him off.

“How did you know he came in through the window?”

He didn’t even hesitate, replying, “You just said your window was open. Don’t you remember? You’re so silly sometimes, you know.”

You sighed.

“Can you just come over and help me change my locks? I... don’t feel safe anymore.”

He agreed to stop at the hardware store and come over right away.

He'd never been to your apartment before, so he did have to ask for directions. However, it wasn't hard to find you.

Before you could text him the final turning direction, he was already knocking at your door.

In his hands was a kit for new door locks as well as window locks. That afternoon was filled with lots of unscrewing, questions, googling, and troubleshooting, but once he was finished, you admittedly already began to feel safer.

"Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. Seeing that man was just...really scary." You sighed, eyeing the kitchen window. You imagined him sneaking in ever so quietly, standing in the darkest recesses of your room, silently staring at you.

"Like I told you, I want you to be safe. If you weren't...I think I might just go crazy, you know?" He joked.

"I do have something to ask you, though, y/n," he began, "what did he look like?"

"Well, I didn't get a good look. Really, I was convinced he wasn't real until...the window."

All Might didn't pry. He really didn't want to make you remember something you didn't care to think about.

[emiliaheartfeel]

Supergirl

Chapter 11: Can we keep her

AN: Hey so a lot of this volume will be written too. I am hoping to update every Friday and Sunday, but Sunday is for sure maybe not Friday though.

I am also so so sorry for not updating for a while I got super sick and was in and out of the hospital for a while.

You hadn’t been feeling like yourself ever since you got back to Tokyo a few days ago. Being by yourself in you apartment didn’t help. The gym was still closed when you got back and there was only so much running you could do in a day to distract yourself. What you were doing isn’t healthy but you don’t care. It’s better then crying in a room all alone. Every once in a while you call Suna to talk and calm down. He did in fact FaceTime you everytime he watched Toliet-Bound Hanako and sometimes you would see his sister that was two years younger then you because she was a huge fan of some of the programs you support. It was always weird for you when people talked about you as if your this strong indestructible woman especially right now. Sighing as you walk up to your apartment lost in though your phone rings.

Tsum-Tsum 🥺

You ignore it. But quickly shoot him a text that you’re studying for your exams. According to some law athletes under the age of 17 have to still take school exams and pass with a B. You home schooled yourself mostly sometimes your adoptive unit would help when the subject was particularly difficult. Sometimes, a lot of the time, you just FaceTimed Osamu to help you cause he did the same stuff last year. He would probably be calling you here soon too. The twins knew something was up you were hardly responding to them and kept giving excuses as to why you couldn’t talk whenever they called. You felt a little bad for ignoring them, but you didn’t want to deal with your emotions yet. Because if you don’t confront it you guys are still the best of friends, right? You knew it was because you were a coward and couldn’t handle whatever they would say to defend their actions. Honestly you just wanted to pretend you don’t even know. Just go back to shooting Atsumu texts about the dumbest things you see or sending Osamu recipes you find. You miss saying good night to them over the phone. Even being so far from them physically they had been part of your everyday life even when you were in Tokyo. Not wanting to dwell on it anymore you finish up some homework and take melatonin and start your night routine. You go to bed declining Atsumu’s phone call ones again hoping that with the gym opening tomorrow life will get easier.

“L/N-San you are going to train with Komori-San for a awhile, I think she can rank in Nationals this year if she is pushed right,” your coach called pushing the brunette towards you. You give him a firm nod and glance at Komori-San whom you have never been introduced to even though you both had been at this gym for the last 4 years.

“Call me Y/N I hate formalities,”

“Then call me Akari!”

If you remembered right she was around your age and had decent enough routines, but her lack consistency made her seem mediocre. She only seemed slightly nervous over the fact you two were training together. Many people would question why the world’s best was training with someone who has yet to be nationally rank, simple most nationally ranked girls were in Kyoto. You nod and get started. Through out the day you begin to relax and enjoy Akari’s company and explaining how to do certain flips or transitions helped you better understand it. Akari didn’t seem to have much fear she just lacks focus. You realized you liked her a lot and believed honestly maybe if she worked hard enough she might rank high enough to be invited to international events.

Days turn into weeks and you continue dodging the teams explaining your just too busy working with Akari, but you were only training with Akari with about six hours a day you spent another three with individual training. Anyone could see you have been over working yourself for weeks. Akari and you had grown much closer since then and she has improved astronomical since then even exceeding the coaches expectation. She was so sweet and treated you like a normal girl which you loved. When she did manage to drag you away from the gym you two were spending time together shopping are doing homework at your apartment. It helped a little with the growing dread in you every time you saw a missed call from one of the twins.

“Komori-San come here for a moment” your coaches yelled. Akari nodded at you and smiled before running over to the coach you start stretching yourself to cool down from a day of training. It doesn’t take long for Akari to come racing back over and lunging at you.

“Y/N-Chan coach says I am on for the meet with Kyoto!!”

She is so excited she is bouncing. You can’t help but be excited too. After helping her, you have grown quite attached to the girl. With a broad smile she giggles

“Y/N-Chan you have to come to family dinner! I get this chance because of you!!”

“No Akachan it’s cause of your hard work”

“Pretty please Y/N-Chan come over and eat with us!”

“Fine but we should probably shower first,”

“Omg yes! My cousin is a germaphobe so we should be so gross”

You girls did just that as soon as practice ended. It was the first time you left with Akari instead of work yourself to the bone again. Akari and you walk out with your arms linked and she leads to two boys in track suits. One had the same chestnut brown hair and oval eyebrows Akari did so you assumed that was her brother. The other was a boy with wavy hair and dark eyes wearing a mask. He had to beauty marks above his right eyebrow.

“Guess who is going to part of the Kyoto meet with most of the National girls!”

“Gold medalist Y/N L/N”

“No, Moyota-nii it’s me!”

“Would have never guessed”

“Mean!”

“Well I mean he’s still right, last I checked Akachan I am going”

“You’re Y/N L/N?”

“The one and only,”

“Your performance two years ago was simply breathtaking,”

“Oh thank you!

“Omg Nii-San are you seeing this! Omi-nii is being nice to someone else!”

“Who are you and what have done with our cousin?”

“I am merely stating fact,”

“Can we keep her? Like you are actually being nice,”

“She’s not a pet”

“But she’s cute like one”

“…”

“I don’t know how I feel about being compared to a pet.”

“Shh we have adopted you”

As you hang out with them your phone goes off and you don’t have the heart to check and see if it is one of the twins. Akari smiles back at you as her and grabs your hand to pull you along with them.

Masterlist

@kaleidoscopekai @je-suis-argent-miel @liferuinedby5idiotsand1genius @poppi144 @idontevenknow129 @ssuna @im-the-music-whore @kac-chowsballs

[hoe-doroki]

gratitude

warning: eating disorder, food restricting, food withholding

pairing: Izuku x reader

genre: hurt/comfort

wc: 1.4k

a/n: This is the second of four attempts to answer this ask. This is a story with a reader who is food restricting, so everyone be careful to take care of yourselves! The other three attempts are Trust Yourself, A Start, and Picnic. All parts are unrelated to each other.

edit: I no longer write x reader but here’s my old masterlist - mobile | desktop

You hadn’t expected him to spot that something was wrong so immediately.

You probably should have. The man was trained in understanding people, especially unusual behavior, and he was quite possibly the most observant person in Japan, if not the planet. If there was one person that you should have known you couldn’t get away with shit with, it was Izuku Midoriya.

The two of you were out to dinner—date night. Date night was Monday, since it was Izuku’s most frequent day off from hero work. About ten minutes after your food had arrived, Izuku’s eyes zeroed in on your plate. You’d picked your meal apart, spreading bits of it across your plate, but very little had made it to your mouth. The two of you had chatted a lot, always having a lot to say even though you’d been together for years now. There hadn’t been a lot of opportunity to chew, you told yourself.

Although, Izuku’s plate was almost empty. He was always hungrier than you were, though, so that didn’t account for much.

“Did your meal not taste good?” he asked.

You shrugged. “It wasn’t my favorite.”

That wasn’t a lie. This was a nice restaurant—Izuku was wearing a jacket and everything—but the food hadn’t tasted like much and you’d lost your appetite a couple of bites in.

“Do you want to try something else?” Izuku asked. “Or maybe get dessert?”

“No,” you said quickly. “I guess I wasn’t that hungry.”

“Honey?” Izuku took your hand in his and gave a little squeeze, bringing your eyes up to his. His brows were quirked up in gentle concern, but he still had a barely-there smile on his face. Like he couldn’t help but smile when he looked at you, even when he was concerned. “Are you feeling…in your head again?”

“What do you mean?”

He’d been vague, you could be vague too. You didn’t have to assume what his words meant, even though the two of you were better at understanding each other than anyone else. And then you hated that you were being testy, pushing him away when you so desperately wanted to crawl to the other side of the table and sink to the dark lacquered floor and rest your head in his lap. But you were better at pushing away than asking for comfort, so you went with what you knew.

“You’ve been distracted,” Izuku said, “these past few days. Really tired. Smiling a little less. And now,” he pointed down at your plate, still with about 3,000 yen’s worth of food on it.

So he’d been noticing for days. In a better world, maybe you would have been flattered, but it was hard to feel anything but shame. You couldn’t even look at your plate anymore, so you stared into your water glass, watching the low light of the restaurant dancing on the surface.

“Honey,” he squeezed your hand again, bringing your eyes back up to his. The light danced in them too. “Do you want to do our gratitude practice?”

Truthfully, you didn’t feel like it. You didn’t want to do it in this restaurant, with all these people around, you didn’t want to be here with the leftover food on your plate—you just wanted to go back home, take some melatonin, and pass out.

Izuku kept trying. “Do you mind if I do it then, and then you can do it if you want?”

You shrugged. “If you want to.”

“Thanks.” Izuku smiled. “Okay. I am grateful for my arms. They’ve given me a number of second chances and were patient with me when I was undeserving of it. I am happy that I can give them what they need by eating the protein they need to grow and stay strong enough for me to do my job.” He nodded when he was done, looking from his arms back to you. “Do you want to go now?”

Izuku’s eyes were hopeful as his other hand sought out yours. You offered it to him and stared at him, remembering that you were both on the same team. The two of you had done this before, last time your anxiety had gotten to be too much, and you could do it again. He’d seen it before. He’d seen you before.

“I…” you started shakily, uncertainly. It had been a while since the two of you had done this, but you remembered how it went. You just needed to be honest. “I am grateful for my feet. They take me where I need to go, and they do that best when I give them the energy they need.”

Izuku nodded at you encouragingly, his smile growing.

“They desire for me to have the nutrients that I need to stay strong, and I want to give them that, even when it’s difficult.”

“And you can, and you do!” Izuku said, his voice genuinely excited. “You’ve done it every single day that you’ve been alive, even when it’s hard, and I’m so proud of you for that.”

“But it’s so easy for other people,” you murmured, feeling the weight of disappointment in yourself. That you’d been good for so long and now this was happening again. That you never seemed to be done with it.

“That’s why you’re so impressive, darling,” Izuku said. “Doing the hard thing is always something I’m going to be proud of you for, whether it’s a challenging day at work or managing to get dressed on a day you want to stay in bed or eating some rice when you want to skip it. It all reminds me that you’re one of the strongest, most resilient people I know. So, what’s the next step?”

You looked back down at your dish. The food was mostly cold, since you’d spread it all over the plate. And it would probably be just as tasteless as it had been when it was fresh. But you wanted to do this for Izuku. For yourself.

You pulled one of your hands from Izuku’s and took a bite of your food, taking your time chewing it as Izuku talked.

“Remember the gratefulness you just sent to your feet? Now they’re going to be grateful back,” he said. “And then it’ll be easier to walk back to the train, and I’ll give them a massage when we get home so that I can show them how grateful I am to them too.”

The second bite went down easier than the first. Getting started was the hardest part, but you were remembering all the things you could be grateful for. The chef who’d made the food, the server who had brought it to you and taken care of both you and Izuku, the farmers who’d grown it. Even if you couldn’t appreciate the food itself in the way that most people would—the way that you could on a better day—you could still appreciate how it had gotten to you.

“Ooh, I forgot the thing I’m most grateful for!” Izuku said.

“What’s that?” you asked, suspiciously.

“You,” he said, the earnestness spilling off of him. He looked so in love with you every time your eyes met it was a miracle you didn’t melt into the floor. “Every day I can’t believe that I’m the person who gets to be with you, who you choose to spend your time with, who gets to wake up beside you.”

“Stop,” you said, face heating up.

“I’ll never stop,” Izuku said immediately. “I love you so, so much and you’re just amazing to me. Thank you for choosing me.”

“Thank you for putting up with me.”

“Hmm, that doesn’t sound right,” Izuku said, cocking his head at you. “I think you meant to say something else.”

You certainly hadn’t, but he was checking you. Inviting you to put something else out into the world, something better. Something that you could step into and really enjoy living out.

“Thank you…” you started again, “for knowing me. Better than anyone else ever could.”

That brought a big smile to his face. His chest puffed up, almost like his heart was swelling inside its cavity. “Thanks for letting me.”

You had doubts. Every day, there was baggage stacked around you, sometimes too much to carry, often so much that you couldn’t quite stand up to see over it. But somewhere, between the anxiety and uncoiled control, the uncertainty and the shame, you saw Izuku and his words made it through your cotton-filled ears. And somehow…

You believed him.

[hargrove-mayfields]

I haven’t been able to write a whole lot recently so to make up for the little drought here’s a few kegboys hcs!

-Tommy has a big thing for 70s country music, it’s like, all he’ll listen to. Steve’s kind of overexposed to country having grown up in IN so he’s pretty neutral on it even though he prefers pop, but Billy, resident metal head and city boy through and through, tries to poke fun at him for it because like, country music is for uncool hicks, right? But, and this is very much to his dismay, Billy cannot get enough of Dolly. Like he really couldn’t care less about Toms other picks but he is beyond hooked on Dolly to the point that he’s the one buying all her new records when they come out.

-Tommy is absolutely the house husband because the other two are honest to god domestically useless. Billy tries really, really hard to help because Steve goes to work and he feels like he’s lazy for not being able to do much while he’s recovering, so Tommy sticks him with the little jobs because he knows he’s never going to get him to agree to actually resting. It’ll just be little tasks, things like cleaning the lint trap when Tom switches the laundry, but it’s enough to make him feel less useless.

-But! As good as he is at keeping up with the bills and doing chores, Tommy CANNOT cook. Steve will never ever forget the time he came over to his house and caught popcorn on fire in his microwave or when Billy had to swoop in and unplug the toaster like seconds before Tee electrocuted himself trying to use a fork to fish out a piece poptart that broke off in there, so he is very much not allowed anywhere near a stove. Billy is the best cook and even then he’s a little iffy because Neil never let him do it, so to compensate for how collectively awful they are in the kitchen they have like a thousand scribbled in cookbooks in every drawer and pantry.

-They all three have very different sleeping habits. Billy’s the early bird, always gets up at the same time as the sun well-rested no matter what time they went to bed. Steve is a deep sleeper through and through, he’ll pass out at like, 11:00 every night and won’t move again until morning. If nobody were to wake him up he could probably sleep all through an entire day. Tommy’s something of a rough sleeper though, can’t usually get to sleep until at least two in the morning, usually later than that even, and once he gets to sleep it’s very light and he tends to wake up every hour, on the hour. One time when Steve’s at the pharmacy picking up Billy's meds he grabs a little thing of melatonin for Tom because like, it says it boosts sleep and anything’s worth a shot if it means Tommy won’t be so exhausted and sick and frustrated all the time, and it does help! He sort of ends up on about the same sleep schedule as Billy once his rhythm gets a little more regulated.

-When they first started dating, Billy thought Steve was bad when it came to clothes stealing, he lost a few jackets and old t-shirts that way, but when they all three move in together he discovers that Tommy is the true culprit. Neither he nor Steve can keep track of literally any single piece of clothing. Everything, from their hoodies to their jeans to their pjs to their socks, all belong in some part to Tom until eventually they just have one community wardrobe they pick and choose from instead of like, individual clothes.

-They all three overuse the heck out of pet names like baby and babe, which results in Steve calling Tommy babe one and Billy babe two because he was tired of saying like “hey babe” and getting two simultaneous answers.

-Tommy does Billy’s hair for him when he still can’t do too much with his hands, and after that too when it’s convenient because it becomes routine, combing out his curls and putting mousse in it when he wants it done nice, because he wants to be a hairdresser anyways! He’d practiced plenty on Steve ever since they were in middle school, given him tons of hair cuts and even his highlights! It’s for that reason that when Tommy starts doing Billy’s hair, Steve gets the teensiest bit jealous because that used to be him. So everytime they go anywhere and they aren’t crunched for time he has to do both Billy and Steve’s hair and he starts not having time to straighten his own! But! That’s okay because his boys are very fond of his natural curls!

-Steve runs very, very cold always. He’s a type one diabetic so he’s pretty much always anemic and he freezes like 24/7. Even in the summer when Billy and Tommy are like melting into the furniture, he can get away with long sleeves and be just fine. When they’re in bed they keep Steve in the middle because they both run super warm like a heat register and it’d get too hot without having Steve as their ice pack between them.

-More about Steve’s diabetes bc it’s like one of my fav hcs and I wish I could write about it more! It’s really hard to find things for him to eat because he’s gotta worry about his sugar, but also because he has so many food allergies and sensitivities on top of that. Before he had anyone around he just kind of didn’t care about watching himself like, if he wanted to eat something, he would just do it, but he ultimately faced the consequences of that a few times too many, aka being hospitalized twice with DKA and three times with anaphylactic shock. he gets banned from grocery shopping on his own, because he will absolutely buy so much stuff he isn’t supposed to have and ‘lose’ the receipt and just hide the stuff because his boys will not let him eat whatever he wants anymore. Billy is also not allowed to go shopping because he never remembers what brands they use or reads any labels, he just grabs the first of everything he sees and calls it a day. Tommy officially gave up on them and started doing it himself after confiscating a half empty bag of gummy bears off of Steve and having to use the wrong toothpaste for months because Billy refused to pay attention.

-Tommy attracts strays! Cats, dogs, an actual escaped budgie from the neighbors house once, it doesn’t matter, somehow they always find him. If he’s out on the porch there’s like, a ninety percent chance there’s a critter that doesn’t belong to them in his lap. He lets Billy name them all even though they can’t keep them. Tommy personally can’t pick a favorite out of the 20 some odd cats that come and go because they’re all his babies, but Billy and Steve have theirs. B’s favorite is a black and white little fella named Mr. Shrimp and Steve’s is a sweet tabby girl named Meowzers! The rule doesn't only apply to domesticated animals either, raccoons and wild bunnies also tend to lurk around their porch. Billy picks up a raccoon once (he named her Poubelle, but calls her Bella) and Steve yelled at him for hours about how dangerous and irresponsible and gross it was. Him and Tommy get boyfriend grounded for like, weeks after that.

-Steve is like everyone’s Midwestern grandma! He keeps pockets full of butterscotch candies and tissues, he’s got a collection of blow molds and Tiffany lamps, he wears sweatshirts and jackets with weird quotes on them and like, he believes the cure to every ailment is tomato soup, vicks, a wash rag, and a kiss or any combination thereof. It drives Billy completely up the wall, because he’ll cough like once and Steve is like do you need soup? do you need a doctor? please let me help you. But Tommy likes it, being fussed over, cause he grew up with younger siblings and two working parents, so he was always the one doing the fussing.

[team-gabriel]

At some point, after ages of bottling things up and trying to numb the pain by ignoring it, Glass snaps. This happens: Glass sits quietly during a staff meeting, trying to keep it all in still, but he cant stop himself from shaking and shedding a few tears. Bright notices and out-loud asks if Glass is okay, and that's when Simon cant hold it in anymore. He breaks down, practically screaming as he sobs that no, hes not okay, he hasnt been okay in so long and that he cant take it anymore- (1/2)

Simon can hardly sleep anymore. If he manages three hours, it’s a really good night.

He’s having less and less really good nights...

Those stupid melatonin gummies hardly do a thing for him and Benadryl does little more than leave him feeling groggy the next morning...

He sleeps. The nightmares wake him up. The cycle continues until he ends up watching dumb wildlife documentaries at 4am in an attempt to pull his focus onto anything else.

But still, exhausted or not, he goes to work every morning as usual. He drinks enough coffee to probably put a fully grown grizzly bear dangerously close to a caffeine overdose — he doesn’t even really like the taste of the stuff, he just needs it to function at this point.

He’s getting better at putting up his walls, at smiling like nothing’s wrong, at pushing his own troubling thoughts aside... he can almost brush off the sickening feeling in his stomach every time he notices someone staring at the fading scars on his lips.

He’s getting better. He says he’s getting better.

Well, technically, he never said there was anything wrong to begin with...

...But it’s wearing at him, little by little. Like rainwater slowly cutting through stone, like snowflakes gathering on a roof until it reaches the point of caving — it’s gradual, it’s discrete... but its damage over time is great.

Glass has been bottling everything up, and now he’s only a few drops from spilling over...

He can barely focus on the staff meeting. Gears is talking about something, but Simon’s own thoughts are too loud.

They pull at him, like a dark rope that keeps wrapping tighter and tighter, until he finds it hard to even breathe.

Glass turns his focus back down to the blank notepad he was supposed to be taking notes on, and he taps his pen quietly against the surface. He’s been so on edge lately — anxious, almost — it has to be all of the caffeine. He says it’s only from the caffeine...

He forces himself to stop tapping the pen when he notices Bright’s concerned glances. Simon clenches his jaw tightly as he returns to trying to take notes...

He manages a few scribbled words before he can barely read them behind the blur of unshed tears that sting his eyes.

Simon takes a deep breath, trying to hold it as long as the horrible tightness in his chest would allow.

He pulls his glasses from his face, massaging at the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, pretending he was simply trying to work through a headache.

It clearly wasn’t as solid of an act as he had hoped...

“Simon?”

“...fine.”

“...Are you sure you’re alr—?”

“For the last time — I said I’m fine!” Glass snaps harshly, momentarily forgetting of the fact that he was in he middle of a meeting and drawing an uncomfortable amount of focus to himself and his outburst.

Simon straightens awkwardly, glancing around at his coworkers. “I’m... sorry,” he says, forcing his expression into a tight frown. “Bad headache. I’ll... I’ll just see myself out.”

He doesn’t wait for any response before he gathers his (mostly-blank) notes and hurries out.

...Once again, pretending not to notice the way Kondraki motioned with his head for Bright to follow.

He just hopes to get back to his office as quickly as he can, ready to act like this didn’t happen, just like everything else...

Bright meets him up at his office, knocking softly at the doorframe as Simon pretends he didn’t notice him there.

“Glass? Can we talk?”

“Huh? Right, uh... sorry for yelling earlier, I didn’t mean it... Headache.”

“Look, Glass, I’m getting really worried.”

“What? Worried? What’s—? Why are you worried?” Simon asks quickly. “Did— do you want to talk to me about it?”

“You. You’re worrying me,” Jack replies. “And yes, I do think we need to talk about it.”

“Me? I’m– Jack, I’m fine!” Glass assures. “I’m fine. Completely fine. Everything is fine!”

“Bullshit, Simon. I may not be a psychiatrist, but anybody with eyes can see that you are clearly not fine...”

“Jack, I mean it, I’m not–“

Bright pulls the chair from the other side of the desk, sitting so that he is directly in front of Simon.

“Oh, I know you’re not,” he says. “So we’re just going to talk about this– and by we, I mean you.”

“Jack, I’m— there’s nothing to talk about. I told you — it’s just a a headache.”

“You know that’s not what I mean, Simon.”

Glass opens his mouth, clearly about to argue back with another poorly veiled lie, but he shuts it wordlessly, frowning as he clenches his jaw.

Until finally, he speaks the first shred of truth about the situation.

“...I’d much rather we talked about something else.”

“Well that’s too damn bad,” Jack says. “Because this is what we’re talking about.”

More silence.

“If it’s really not bothering you, it shouldn’t be difficult, right?”

Still more silence. Glass is anxiously drumming his pen against his desk again.

“Simon, just admit that this is still bothering you and we can–“

“—Jack, did you know that some species of parrots can live for 70 years?” Glass interjects suddenly. “I didn’t know that. Did you know that?”

“Glass, we aren’t changing the subject.”

“...And there was this one bird that knew almost two-thousand different words! Two-thousand, Jack! I don’t even think I know two-thousand different words–!”

“Simon–“

“I’ve been watching a lot of Animal Planet at night–“

“Oh, believe me, I can tell,” Jack replies. “And you’re doing a real piss-poor job at trying to derail the subject...”

“And ducks! Jack, did you know that ducks– they don’t– they–“

Jack can practically see the will breaking in his eyes at this point.

“Simon...”

Glass takes in a shaky breath.

“Jack, did you know that sometimes– sometimes I just want to scream, but I’m afraid that if I do then I’ll just never stop.”

Glass is wringing his hands, avoiding Jack’s eyes. Bright lets him continue speaking without interruption.

“...Did you know that sometimes it feels like the whole world is trying to come crashing down on me all at once – and I know it’s not, I know it’s in my head – Simon, you’re being ridiculous, you’re a psychiatrist for Christ’s sake, just- just look at your notes or something!” Glass rambled. “And- and you’re right! I’m a psychiatrist, so why am I– I shouldn’t be– what an absolute hypocrite!”

“Simon, you aren’t a hypocrite.”

“Oh, but I am!” Simon replies. “I am, Jack! I sit here all day and I tell people to open up and quit bottling everything inside – but I can’t even follow my own bloody advice?! No, I just poke and pry at everybody’s traumas and I can’t even talk about one goddamn little insignificant raid?!”

“It’s not insignificant, Glass.”

“Compared to all the shit that everyone else has gone through?! Believe me, I know — I’ve heard it all!” Simon exclaims. “Jack, I can guarantee that you’ve experienced things a million times worse than—!”

“But it isn’t about me! We’re talking about you—!”

“That doesn’t matter!”

“You were tortured, Simon!” Bright exclaims. “You were hurt — you still are hurt — don’t try to tell me that that doesn’t matter!”

“I was only tortured because I let myself get captured! Practically deserved it at that point! Think about it! If it were you or Clef, or Kondraki — you’d’ve escaped ages before anyone could even—!”

“Simon, what?!”

“I practically just let it happen, Jack! I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t escape — I couldn’t even tough it up enough to pull out the goddamn stitches on my own! It was a wasted rescue mission, Jack — nobody should’ve had to put themselves in danger for someone so worthless to the Foundation!”

“Simon... what...?”

Glass could only shake his head, refusing to meet Jack’s eyes.

“You aren’t worthless, Si.”

“Then why do I always feel like I am?!”

Glass has already opened up more in the past four minutes than he had in four weeks, and he’s had enough. He sits in his chair, burying his face in his hands. Jack steps closer, standing directly in front of him, pulling the therapist into a hug.

“Simon, it’s okay...” he whispers. “It’s okay...”

Glass, after several long, shaky sobs, hugs him back — Bright resting his chin on the top of Simon’s head, pulling his fingers softly through the back of Simon’s hair.

“You aren’t worthless, Si. You aren’t pathetic. You aren’t weak.”

And, in Jack’s arms, Simon finally let himself break down. Every buried feeling spilling to the surface — that crushing weight in his chest finally beginning to lessen.

He knew it was a discrete, gradual thing — like recovering from a broken bone, like flowers regrowing after a wildfire...

But, in Jack’s arms, Simon finally let himself begin to heal.

[inkedstarlight]

Bittersweet: Chapter 8

Summary: Nesta struggles with the aftermath of Tomas’s actions. Meanwhile, Cassian finally makes his grand entrance. Notes: Read it here on AO3! Warnings: non-explicit mentions of sexual assault and dealing with that trauma Bittersweet Masterlist

It was Thursday.

Nesta only knew that because it was the day of her final exam.

And because two days ago, Tomas tried to rape her.

When she had returned home that night, she received a text from him.

Tell anyone about what happened and I will ruin your fucking life. Don’t test me.

After reading those two sentences at least a dozen times over, she’d rushed to the bathroom and emptied her stomach until she was dry heaving.

Elain had been sound asleep on the couch when Nesta crept into their apartment in the late hours of the night. The television was still on, reruns of “The Great British Baking” show playing quietly in the background. Nesta had covered her sister with a knit blanket and shut the television off before retreating to her bedroom.

She made the mistake of looking in the mirror that hung above her dresser. Staring back at her was a girl with hollow eyes and downturned lips. The girl’s clothes were rumpled, her makeup smudged. Dark purple newly formed bruises tainted the entire length of her neck.

She didn’t recognize herself.

Nesta didn’t tell anyone. It wasn’t even because of Tomas’s threat. It just… it didn’t really matter. There wasn’t anything she could do to fix it. It happened and now it was over. Not to mention that Nesta had driven to his house with the intent of seducing him. She was the one who decided to cheat, to wear that provocative outfit.

It didn’t hurt that Tomas was a straight, white male. That he had sway with the professor. Even if Nesta decided to testify against him, she could already predict the outcome: Tomas denies the accusation, gets off with a warning, and Nesta is forced to continue working with him. It was plain and simple. His privilege outranked her trauma.

But even though Nesta hadn’t spoken a word about the incident, Elain was quick to realize that something was wrong. She’d always been good at reading people, especially Nesta. Elain used to say that she could pick up on other’s emotions and it was almost as if she felt them herself. Elain didn’t know exactly what was wrong with Nesta. She noticed the change in her behavior despite Nesta’s attempt to continue to function like a normal human. Elain had tried to get it out of Nesta, to no avail. Nesta insisted that everything was okay. Because it was.

She kept functioning. She showed up for work. Attended her classes. Got out of bed every day. In fact, she was so busy that she didn’t even have the time to think about that night. She took melatonin at night and fell asleep instantly. Nesta was fine.

And now it was Thursday. She was seated in class waiting for the Fictional Techniques exam to be proctored. Over the last two days, she’d managed to buckle down and concentrate on studying. She got a good amount done. Enough to at least pass the damn thing.

But then he walked in.

Nesta froze. Tomas put his things down on his desk and rummaged around. Like everything was normal. Like that night never happened. Like she wasn’t trembling in her seat in terror.

There was nothing Nesta hated more than allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to be scared.

She didn’t think he’d come to the exam itself. T.A.’s had no reason to be present. Typically, it was only the professor. And she especially didn’t think he’d come after the events that’d transpired just days ago.

But Gods, she was so stupid to think he wouldn’t.

Nesta watched as the professor gave him the pile of exams to hand out.

No.

Nesta’s eyes shot to the doors to her right. She could leave right now without Tomas noticing her. She would just need to sneak out the doors quietly. But the professor’s desk was right next to the exit, and there was no way Nesta could slip past her without drawing attention to herself.

All she could do was wait as Tomas went up and down the rows of desks. She stared down at her hands unmoving as she heard him approach. He was silent when he set the paper down in front of her. But as he walked past, she felt his fingers brush her bruised neck and subtly tug on the ends of her hair.

Nesta was frozen.

“You may begin,” the professor announced from the front of the room. They had two hours to complete the exam.

Nesta looked down at the exam on her desk. It was at least ten pages. She managed to write her name.

But when she tried to read the first question, the words blurred together. Her head was spinning as she willed herself to focus.

Two hours and then you’re done, she repeated to herself. Two hours. That's it. She let out a shaky breath.

Something told her to look up, to check to see if Tomas was near her. Nesta raised her eyes just slightly to see where he was. She didn’t have to look far.

Tomas was sitting at his desk staring at her, a leering grin on his face. He tilted his head to the side as if to mockingly say, Something wrong?

For the next two hours, Nesta didn’t breathe once.

And before she knew it, the timer was going off. She glanced down to see her blank exam. There was nothing written save her name. Not a single answer was filled out.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She scrambled to write something – anything –  as students passed her desk to hand in their exams. Her heart was pounding, her hands damp with sweat. Gods, she was going to fail -

“Miss Archeron, time’s up,” the professor called to her. Everyone was trickling out of the classroom. “You had your time, put down your pencil.”

Nesta’s hand was shaking as she dropped her pencil. It fell to the floor, and she didn't pick it up.

-----------------------------

I haven’t seen you in weeks. Are you dead?

Nesta stared down at the text Amren had sent her several days ago. She didn’t know what to say. She was surprised when she’d received the text. Not many people ever checked in with her like that, much less someone she met only a few weeks ago.

She wanted to say, I'm not okay. Something happened. Can I see you?

But instead, Nesta ignored it.

“Are you coming tonight?” Nesta was sitting on the couch when Elain emerged from her room.

“Coming where?” She didn’t so much as glance at her sister. Her eyes were glued to the television screen. They had been for the entire day.

“Feyre’s house.”

“No,” she replied bluntly. Iroh let out a meow, and Nesta rubbed his ear.

Elain stepped in front of the television. She was putting on her earrings as she asked, "Why not? You haven't been in a while. We miss you."

Nesta snorted, finally lifting her gaze to meet Elain's quizzical brown eyes. "I seriously doubt that."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, Elain," she scoffed, throwing a hand in the air. "Haven't you noticed that you're the only one to invite me to these dinners anymore? Feyre doesn't give a shit, and Rhysand probably celebrates every time I don't show up."

Elain looked down at the floor and fidgeted. Elain was kind to everyone, but she seldom lied to preserve someone's feelings. Even Elain knew that Nesta was right, that her presence wasn't missed, that there was no point in arguing. "I care," she murmured quietly.

Nesta's heart got stuck in her throat.

Why? she wanted to yell. Why the fuck do you care about me? You're the only one left who does.

"It's just not a good time right now," Nesta explained. It was a shitty excuse, and she knew it. But what else was she supposed to say?

“Well, their friend, Cassian is finally coming home today. Apparently, this is the longest he's been deployed for. He was supposed to return last month, but it got extended," Elain told her. "Maybe that'll change things a little. They've all been so worried about him, Feyre especially. I think him being back will help with the stress she's been under and she'll be more open-minded."

Nesta sighed, not bothering to argue. She knew that Elain wouldn't take no for an answer. "I'll think about it, okay?"

It wasn't exactly a lie. Just highly improbable that she would go in the near future.

“Feyre said he’s more hotheaded than you, and that’s saying something," Elain joked, trying to cut the tension. Nesta did her best to muster a laugh. Elain's hopeful smile faltered slightly.

“Well, have fun."

Elain remained standing in front of her for a moment before the couch sank down with her weight as she sat next to where Nesta was curled into herself. Elain's delicate hand closed the space between them, and she tucked a stray hair behind her older sister’s ear.

“Is everything okay?” Elain’s voice was impossibly soft. She squeezed Nesta's hand.

Nesta willed herself not to cry. The physical gesture itself was enough to make her emotional; she hadn't even hugged someone in what felt like forever. “Yeah, I'm fine.”

Silence fell between them. Nesta could practically hear the thoughts racing through Elain's mind. She was always trying to fix other people's problems. But some can't be repaired.

“You… you know you can talk to me right?” Elain said tentatively as if Nesta could blow up at any minute. Like she was fragile.

Nesta didn’t say anything. She couldn't say anything.

Elain let out a small breath, and Nesta could hear the shakiness in it.

“I think Mor made some cupcakes for dessert tonight," she tried to say brightly. Nesta could tell it was hard for her to pretend to be positive. Elain's voice softened. "I’ll bring you back a little something, yeah?”

Nesta merely stared straight ahead and nodded.

The couch creaked as Elain stood. She leaned down and pressed a feather-light kiss to Nesta’s forehead.

“I love you,” she whispered. Elain hesitated for a second before straightening and walking out of the room.

Nesta didn’t even hear the door close when Elain left. All she knew were the tears that rolled down her cheek, one after the other. Just when she thought they'd stop, more would come rushing down. She didn’t brush them away.

I love you too.

------------------------------------------

Someone was trying to open their door.

Nesta didn’t know what time it was. All she knew that someone was trying to get into their apartment. It sounded like they were trying to pick the lock.

She checked the alarm clock that sat on her nightstand. Nearly three in the morning.

Maybe it’s Elain, the rational part of her brain thought.

Nesta jumped out of her bed, tiptoeing to Elain’s bedroom. She cracked the door open slightly to find her sister fast asleep.

Nesta’s heart raced. She could only think of one person who could be behind that door.

Tomas.

He could easily find out where she lived.

But she hadn't breathed a word of the incident. Why would he be here?

Nesta closed her sister’s bedroom door, ignoring the way her body trembled. She didn’t bother waking Elain. There was no point in scaring her when Nesta was probably just being paranoid. She’d sleep through anything anyway, she slept through a goddamn fire alarm one time. Nesta grabbed the baseball bat that leaned against the hallway wall as she approached the front door.

Why the fuck do we have this? Who plays baseball in this apartment?

Nesta crept closer toward the door. She mentally cursed herself for not installing their own peephole. Or security system. Anything.

She took a deep breath before grabbing the door handle with her left hand, bat at the ready. Nesta opened the door and –

“AGH!”

“What the fuck are you -"

“WHO ARE YOU?”

“Who are you?”

Nesta blinked at the man before her, the man who wasn't attacking her. She blinked a couple times before her eyes finally adjusted to the bright lights in the hallway.

They were both breathing heavily as they sized up one another.

“This is my apartment,” he gestured to Nesta’s apartment.

 The fuck?

She looked him up and down. Mostly up, thanks to his obnoxiously tall height. His chocolate hair was pulled into a small bun, loose strands framing his tanned face. Inked muscles disappeared under the sleeves of his grey shirt. He looked very disheveled, his eyes red from... exhaustion? Alcohol? Both? A suitcase was on the floor behind him, a key in his hand. When her gaze finally met his eyes, she glared at him.

“This is my apartment."

“4B?”

Gods help me.

"Did you really just wake me up because you don't know how to fucking count?" Nesta snapped, annoyance bubbling to the surface.

The man gave at her with a strange look. She sighed at his incompetence and gestured to the plaque that rested on the wall next to the door. “This is 4A. You have another floor to go, buddy.”

But the man didn’t seem to care that he had just embarrassingly forgotten where his damn apartment was as he peered closer at Nesta.

“Do I know you?” his voice was low and rough. His fingers twitched as if he was going to reach out for her.

Nesta rose a brow. He was really testing her patience. “Nope.”

“I… Did you recently move in? I’ve never seen you here before.” He dragged a hand over his stubbly five o'clock shadow with a thoughtful look.  “And I would definitely remember if I had.”

Nesta snorted despite the fatigue that plagued her body. “Does that usually work for you?”

“Excuse me?”

“That line. ‘Oh, I could never forget such a beautiful thing like you,’” her voice lowered as she mockingly imitated the man in front of her.

The man looked like he could burst out laughing. Nesta crossed her arms over her chest. She narrowed her eyes at him. What the fuck is he laughing about?

“I didn’t say it was your looks that are unforgettable,” he said, amusement glinting in his eyes. “Nah, it’s more the signature death glare and callous attitude.”

Normally, Nesta would either shoot an insult right back at him or throw a punch. But she wasn't in the mood. Not to be talking to someone in the ungodly hours of the night or to test a stranger's patience. Especially not a stranger who looked like he could easily break through the door and hurt her.

Nesta's stomach sunk at that last thought. Her eyes shuttered closed for the briefest of moments as she reigned in her anger. When she opened them again, a flash of concern seemed to cross the man's face.

She didn't give him the chance to say another word. She was done with him, with this entire conversation. Gods, all she wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep until the world fell away and her mind was quiet.

“Good luck finding your apartment. If you wake me up one more time tonight, I won't hesitate to use this," Nesta snapped, holding up the bat in her hand for him to see. Then, she was slamming the door in his bewildered face.

It wasn't until she laid back down in her bed that Nesta realized the interaction she'd just had was been the first since that night to make her feel something other than numbness.

----------------------------------

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[themadauthorshatter]

You guys know me too well at this point.

I did one of these for Cal, and I don't really make solo posts on Maven.

These are some headcanons about Maven's headcanon pets, a doberman and black cat.

This is just my personal AU where Maven lives and everyone's happy, because I miss when Maven was a good brother and person 😭😢😭😢😭

Anyway, HERE ARE THE HEADCANONS!!!!

Elara was against the idea of Maven having any kind of animal because it would distract him.

Even after her death, he was unsure of getting a pet.

Pre-Pet AU turn for the better where Maven, instead of fighting Mare to the death, pushes her and runs away. She follows him to see he has collapsed and is having something of a mental/emotional breakdown. He is on the floor screaming and holding his head. He passes out.

Cal finds them both and Mare helps him carry Maven to a cell, one not made of silent stone, and with no candles or anything that can make a spark.

After some time, and some therapy, let's be real here, Maven gets his own place to live, even thoguh he spends some nights with Cal. And his doggo Sweetie. And Fink the Cat.

He's confused as to WHEN and, honestly, why Cal got these two, but understands the latter when he sees his brother lit up and relax when Fink climbs onto his shoulders, something he has not seen in a very long time. Cal still admits it was Julian's idea.

Maven thinks on it while Sweetie gives him some love; "Mah hooman is in TWO!? YAAAS!!!"

Once he's in his own place and settled, hating the silence and solitude, he makes a pro-con list, talks to the person who's been keeping an eye on him, on a guard, but something of a parol officer and therapist, and has a really bad nightmare before he decides to adopt a dog, but he's not getting anything fluffy and soft like Sweetie because she's not the best guard dog.

The person keeping an eye on him tells him that this is a great idea because giving love to something, like a dog or cat, might help him. I know I'm being too fanfic-y here, but I want good boy Maven back, okay?😭😢

He gets his companion on his way to the shelter, i.e. a stray on the side of the road, a black doberman with one bleeding cropped ear and one floppy, normal ear.

This is the text conversation when Maven arrived home:

"I got a dog."

"That was quick. How'd everything go?"

"Fine? I found him on the side of the road. I don't think he likes me."

"What breed is he? Send a picture."

(Maven sends a picture of this doberman as it is curled up in the corner of his bedroom and growling at him.) "He literally hates me. What do I do?"

"Leave him alone for a little bit. I think he's might be one one those fighting dogs."

"I thought those were illegal." He almost sends, "I thought Father made that illegal," but doesn't and sends what I just typed.

"They are. I guess people still keep doing it."

"Blood money. Anyway, what should I do?"

"I don't know. I think one of the generals said it's better to make yourself smaller so the dog doesn't think you're dangerous or something like that, the Animos on the front. Try that."

"Alright."

Maven decides to sleep on the couch that night, because he doesn't want to get mauled, and leaves some food and water out because the doberman hasn't left his room since bringing him home. He wakes up late in the night in time to see this dog grab a little bit of food and then sort of check on the person that picked him up. He growls a little bit, when he sees Maven is awake, but is calmer when he smells and inspects him. Maven tries to pet the uninjured half of his head, but the doberman backs away; "We're not there yet."

Maven wakes up this morning to see the dog across the floor from him.

Three weeks later, the doberman, which Maven has named Dagger, Phantom, or Ghost, I'm going to call him Dagger for now because of how sharp he is, has started whimpering and shaking his head. Maven can't really go to a vet because they'll think he abused the dog, so he's left to his own devices

GORE TW! DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE: Remember that bleeding, cropped ear I mentioned? It's infested with mango worms. And, unless he wants to be listed as an abuser towards his new pet and be labeled a lost cause, Maven cannot go to a vet. Everyone knows he is an amazing liar.

He texts Cal, tells the person he's been talking to, and even tells Mare, asking what he should do before Cal says to wait for him and the person he's been talking to sends him instructions on how to remove these worms.

Go time. Maven gets some treats in his hands and lures Dagger to him until he's close enough for Maven to check his ear.

Cal is very careful to be quiet when he arrives and has a moment of "That's my boy" when he sees Maven petting and assuring Dagger that he's okay.

The two get to work, Cal holding Dagger as Maven gets the worms out; don't worry, they gave him some Melatonin to calm him down first.

GORE'S OVER! It takes a little while, and they have a few close calls when Dagger panics at being held down, but Maven gets all the worms out, cleans the infected ear, and wraps it up, Cal helping by holding Dagger and wrapping the ear.

When all this said and done, Dagger barks and snarls at Cal, growls at Maven, and runs back into Maven's bedroom.

I'm pretty sure I do not need to spell out what this dog went through anymore than I just did.

After Cal leaves and Maven cleans up(His house, his rules), he gives his progress to his doctor, not an actual nurse/surgeon doctor, but you know what I mean, "the person he's been talking to" is getting tedious, and mentions Dagger's reaction when they're done, thinking he might have some trauma. His doctor sees his point and assures him to be patient and thoughtful before musing that he and Dagger are very much alike.

This is a video Maven sent to Cal later that day:

(Like with the video of Sweetie, we take perspective of the phone camera as Dagger creeps into the hall connecting to the living room.)

"... Can I help you? Is your ear better now?"

(Dagger only stares at Maven, not growling and we and Maven cannot see if Dagger's tail is wagging or not.)

"(To Cal) He's been, sort of... watching me for a little bit. ...I'm so bored😐."

(Dagger stretches out of the hall and lies down, doing a doberman sploot.)

"(To Dagger)Hi."

(Dagger blinks at him)

"... Am I your favorite show? (More to himself, honestly, and a little quieter) ... Why do cats even watch the laundry?"

TIME JUMP

(Dagger has now rolled onto his back, smiling, and is staring at Maven, who is laughing his ass off for the first time in forever, and struggling to hold the phone up so Cal is going to be able to see.)

"I don't know what he's- (Laughter) Are you okay over there!?😂"

(Dagger sneezes, stands up, and shakes himself off before sitting down life nothing happened.)

"(More laughing) I CAN'T BREATHE! BMY COLORS!!!😂😂"

ANOTHER TIME JUMP!!!

(Maven holds his hand out, palm open and relaxed, as Dagger is creeping up to him. His ears are back ams eyes are wide as he smells and licks his hand. Dagger sits and Maven carefully scratches his head.) "Good boy. You're a good boy."

After this moment, Dagger's more active in inspecting and opening up to Maven, who is using his phone to record each instance to show Cal and his doctor. It's a little step more almost every time, pets on the head and body, a kiss on the face, sitting next to Maven on the couch, laying next to him in bed, and even having conversations.

I don't know what he'd do as a job, but once he's stable enough financially, he gets a proper video camera and computer to make the videos more presentable.

He later comes to realize he's better talking to the camera in the same way Cal writes in his journal. He is required to show these videos to his doctor, who tells him whatever he says is privileged information that is only shared between the two of them.

He also talks to his doctor through video calls/face time and most of those talks are interrupted when Dagger stares at Maven and barks for pets.

This is a conversation when one such event happened(I am not a psychologist and I saw a therapist sparingly, so if anything's not right, I'm so sorry):

"And how are you sleeping? Do you feel rested?"

"I'm pretty sure. It's a little worse when it storms, but overall I'm fine."

"Good. Still no dreams?"

Maven shakes his head. "My mother was really thorough."

As if sensing his uneasy, Dagger climbs onto the couch(he hasn't mastered jumping up yet) and rests his head on Maven's shoulder.

"Is that the dog you adopted?"

Maven nods and pets Dagger a little bit before returning to his conversation. "Yeah. I think he's getting better since I found him."

"It looks like he trusts you now."

"Thank goodne-"

Maven yelps and his doctor jumps when Dagger barks.

"Sorry!" Maven panics as his doctor fights a smile, not to be rude, but because this is cute. "I've been trying to teach him to use his paw to tell me 'more.'"

"While that is a bit much, that means he loves you and wants to leep feeling you. Touch is a strong sign of affection, especially for animals."

Now, Maven doesn't dream. Instead, he wakes up when he hears yelling and screaming in his head, primarily from Elara. Dagger is great at waking him up. Where Sweetie kisses Cal awake, Dagger... does the same, honestly. When that doesn't work, he cries and burrows himself into Maven's side to wake him up. The younger Calore brother goes back to sleep with Dagger in his arms. HE WILL NOT GO BACK TO SLEEP UNLESS DAGGER IS WITH HIM.

On his bad days, Maven will curl up and cover his ears, because it's loud in his head, and Dagger will either find a toy, maybe a tug of war rope, and make him play with him or force his way into Maven's arms and start panting from the heat. It helps distract Maven from the voices in his head.

Dagger hates the the rain. The first time he heard it, he barked and had HUGE anxiety fit. Maven had to help him through that, which meant MANY sleepless nights. It was worth it when Dagger fell asleep on the couch next to Maven while it was raining.

I know I've been talking about good boy Maven's good dog, all the same I think it's time we talk about the cat😊

Maven was napping with Dagger when he got a text from Mare that she found a kitten in the alley near where she lived. For context, this was a SMALL kitten, as in it fit in Mare's palms with no excess showing.

Yeah. That cat was his. And he thanked Mare so much that she told him. (Don't worry, they've been having a healthier relationship since the events of the war, however awkward).

Yes, he recorded bringing the kitten home and was so scared she'd end up dead in the morning because of how weak she was.

She was fine in the morning, just a little noisy because she missed him. He had to talk to his doctor while checking on her, and it wasn't easy when he had a kitten trying to climb up his shirt and on his shoulders.

Dagger KNOWS there's something behind the bathroom door, and he looks between Maven and said door to let him know; "Hooman. Dat door was unclosed before. Now it's closed and doing a noise. What behind da door?"

He was so scared to introduce the pets because Dagger is HUGE compared to her.

You know the comic Pixie and Brutus? Violet-the cat-and Dagger ARE Pixie and Brutus.

Maven thinks it's too cute when Dagger carries Violet by her scruff.

He was not happy when he learned she was a dwarf; Don't ask how, when, or how long ot took him to be allowed to see a vet and not look like he was falling back into bad habits.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "This is great, but didn't you talk about events such as a pandemic happening with our characters with pets? What does Maven DO with these two?" To which I say, This:

He talks to his doctor, records videos, and lives with his cat and dog.

He joined the group in a workout session, and there was one thing alone that gave everyone the proof they needed that he was growing and healing: While struggling to do push ups, Violet got close to his phone and knocked it over and Dagger stole it and ran around with it. These were their reactions when they saw his smile as he called Dagger and Violet silly and brats in the warmest and most loving way: Cal almost cried, Mare smiled, Kilorn's and Shade's jaws dropped, and Farley muted herself so she could tell a few of her men to listen better to Cal and Mare and the doctor looking after Maven, and to not worry about him, at least until she gives the word that they should.

Maven did upper body workouts with Dagger, who was so confused as to what was happening because Maven was holding him in a way that kept Dagger calm and was going up and down rather than down the hall. He whimpered, pawed, and barked to be carried again.

If Violet sees Maven having a bad time sleeping, she'll lay on his head and purr to calm him down. Works every time.

Dagger and Maven share a common interest: taking baths. Dagger is washed once every other week and has the biggest smile ever. Maven bathes at least once a month and Dagger comes into the bathroom to try and join him. Violet hates baths, both because she hates water and because she cries for Maven, or cries for Dagger, or anyone else, to help Maven.

Both animals are very smart and have puzzles to do.

Dagger is a sassy boy.

Dagger is also a really good guard dog, and Maven used to knock on his own door just to enter his home.

After having both Dagger and Violet, Maven has heard Elara's whispers less and less. Her voice isn't gone for good, but thanks to the support from Cal and having Dagger and Violet, the whispers are really manageable.

Sorry again if this is SUPER fanfic-y, like I said I want some serotonin and it's Maven's turn for some happiness!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post!!!

[maximelebled]

2019 & 2020

Hello everyone! So yeah, this yearly blog post is about three... four months late... it covers two years now.

I did have a lot of things written last year, last time, but the more things have changed, the more I’ve realized that a lot of things I talked about on here... were because I lacked enough of a social life to want to open up on here.

In a less awkwardly-phrased way, what I’m saying is, I was coping.

Not an easy thing to admit to in public by any means, but I reckon it’s the truth. Over the past two years, I’ve made more of an effort to build better & healthier friendships, dial back my social media usage a bit (number 1 coping strategy), not tie all my friendships to games I play, especially Dota (number 2 coping strategy), so that I could be more emotionally healthy overall. 

Pictured: me looking a whole lot like @dril on the outside, although not so much on the inside. (Photo by my lovely partner.)

To some degree, I believe it’s important to be able to talk about yourself a bit more openly in a way that is generally not encouraged nor made easy on other social networks (looking at you, Twitter). I know that 2010-me would be scared to approach 2020-me; and it’s my hope that what I am writing here would not help him with that, but also help him become less of an insecure dweeb faster. 😉

Not that recent accomplishments have stopped me from being any less professionally anxious. Sometimes the impostor syndrome just morphs into... something else.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is, the first reason it took me until this year to finish last year’s post is because, with my shift in perspective, and these realizations about myself, I do want to keep a lot more things private... or rather, it’s that I don’t feel the need to share them anymore? And that made figuring out what to write a fair bit harder.

The other reason I didn’t write sooner is because, in 2018, I wrote my "year in review” post right before I became able to talk about my then-latest cool thing (my work on Valve’s 2018 True Sight documentary). So I then knew I’d have to bring it up in the 2019 post. But then, I was asked to work on the 2019 True Sight documentary, and I know it was going to air in late January 2020, so I was like, “okay, well, whatever, it, I’ll just write this yearly recap after that, so I don’t miss the coach this time”. So I just ended up delaying it again until I was like... “okay, whatever, I’ll just do both 2019 and 2020 in a single post.”

I think I can say I’ve had the privilege of a pretty good 2019, all things considered. And also of a decent 2020, given the circumstances. Overall, 2019 was a year of professional fulfillment; here’s a photo taken of me while I was managing the augmented reality system at The International 2019! (The $35 million dollar Dota 2 tournament that was held, this that year, in Shanghai.)

If I’d shown this to myself 10 years ago it would’ve blown my mind, so I guess things aren’t all that bad...!

I’ve brought up two health topics in these posts before: weight & sleep.

As for the first, the situation is still stable. If it is improving, it is doing so at a snail’s pace. But quite frankly, I haven’t put in enough effort into it overall. Even though I know my diet is way better than it was five or six years ago, I’ve only just really caught up with the “how it should have been the entire time” stage. It is a milestone... but not necessarily an impressive one. Learning to cook better things for myself has been very rewarding and fulfilling, though. It’s definitely what I’d recommend if you need to find a place to start.

As for sleep, throughout 2019, I continued living 25-hour days for the most part. There were a few weeks during which I slowed down the process, but it continued on going. Then, in late December of 2019, motivated by the knowledge that sleep is such a foundational pillar of your health, I figured I really needed to take things seriously, and I managed to go on a three month streak of mostly-stable sleep! (See the data above.)

Part of what helped was willingly stopping to use my desktop computer once it got too late in the day, avoiding Dota at the end of the day as much as possible, and anything exciting for that matter... and, as much as that sounds like the worst possible stereotype, trying to “listen to my body” and recognizing when I was letting stress and anxiety build up inside me, and taking a break or trying to relax.

Also, a pill of melatonin before going to bed; but even though it’s allegedly not a problem to take melatonin, I figured I should try to rely on it as little as possible.

Unfortunately, that “good sleep” streak was abruptly stopped by a flu-like illness... it might have been Covid-19. The symptoms somewhat matched up, but I was lucky: they were very mild. I fully recovered in just over a week. I coughed a bit, but not that much. If it really was that disease, then I got very lucky.

(Pictured: another photo by my lovely SO, somewhere in Auvergne.)

My sleep continued to drift back to its 25-hour rhythm, and I only started resuming these efforts towards the fall... mostly because living during the night felt like a better option with the summer heat (no AC here). I thought about doing that the other way (getting up at 3am instead of going to bed at 7am), and while it’d make more sense temperature-wise, that would have kept me awake when there were practically no people online, and I was trying to have a better social life then, even if had to be purely online due to the coronavirus, so... yeah.

I’ve been working from home since 2012! I also lived alone for a number of years since then. For the most part, it hasn’t been a great thing for my mental health. Having had a taste of what being in an office was like thanks to a couple weeks in the Valve offices, I had the goal of beginning to apply at a few places here and there in March/April. Then the pandemic hit, so those plans are dead in the water. I wanted 2020 to be the year in which I’d finally stop being fully remote, but those plans are now dead in the water.

Now, at the end of the year, I don’t really know if I want to apply at any places. There’s a small handful of studios whose work really resonates with me, creatively speaking, and whose working conditions seem to be alright, at least from what I hear... but, and I swear I’m saying this in the least braggy way possible... there’s very little that beats having been able to work on what I want, when I want, and how much I want.

This kind of freelance status can be pretty terrifying sometimes, but I’ve managed (with some luck, of course) to reach a safe balance, a point at which I’ve effectively got this luxury of being able to only really work on what I want, and never truly overwork myself (at least by the standards of most of the gaming industry). It’s a big privilege and I feel like it’d take a lot to give it up.

Besides the things I mentioned before, one thing I did that drastically improved my mental health was being introduced to a new lovely group of friends by my partner! I started playing Dungeons & Dragons with them, every weekend or so! And in the spirit of a rising tide lifting all boats, I managed to also give back to our lovely DM, by being a sort of “AM” (audio manager)... It’s been great having something to look forward to every week.

Something to look forward to... I’ve heard about the concept of “temporal anchors”. I had heard about how the reason our adult years suddenly pass by in a blur is because we now have more “time” that’s already in our brains, but now I’m more convinced that it’s because we’re going from a very school routine such as the one schools impose upon us, to, well... practically nothing.

I thought most of my years since 2011 have been a blur, but none have whooshed by like 2020 has, and I reckon part of that is because I’ve (obviously) gone out far far less, and most importantly there wasn’t The Big Summer Event That The International Is, the biggest yearly “temporal anchor” at my disposal. The anticipation and release of those energies made summer feel a fair bit longer... and this year, summer was very much a blur for me. In and out like the wind.

I guess besides that, I haven’t really had that much trouble with being locked down. I had years of training for that, after all. Doesn’t feel like I can complain. 😛

(Pictured: trip to Chicago in January of 2019... right when the polar vortex hit!)

Work was good in 2019, and sparser in 2020. Working with Valve again after the 2018 True Sight was a very exciting opportunity. At the time, in February of 2019, I was out with my partner on little holiday trips around my region, and, after night fell, on the way back, we decided to stop in a wide open field, on a tiny countryside path, away from the cities, to try and do some star-gazing, without light pollution getting in the way.

And it’s there and then that I received their message, while looking at the stars with my SO! The timing and location turned that into a very vivid memory...

I then got to spend a couple weeks in their offices in late April / early May. I was able to bring my partner along with me to Washington State, and we did some sightseeing on the weekends.

(Pictured: part of a weekend trip in Washington. This was a dried up lakebed.)

After that, I worked on the Void Spirit trailer in the lead to The International. In August, those couple weeks in Shanghai were intense. Having peeked behind the curtain and seen everything that goes into production really does give me a much deeper appreciation for all the work that goes unseen. 

Then after that, in late 2019, there was my work on the yearly True Sight documentary, for the second time. In 2018, I’d been tasked with making just two animated sequences, and I was very nervous since that was my first time working directly with Valve; my work then was fairly “sober”, for lack of a better term.

(Pictured: view from my hotel room in Shanghai.)

For the 2019 edition, I had double the amount of sequences on my plate, and they were very trusting of me, which was very reassuring. I got to be more technically ambitious, I let my style shine through (you know... if it’s got all these gratuitous light beams, etc.), and it was real fun to work on.

At the premiere in Berlin, I was sitting in the middle of the room (in fact, you could spot me in the pre-show broadcast behind SirActionSlacks; unfortunately I had forgotten to bring textures for my shirt). Being in that spot when my shots started playing, and hearing people laughing and cheering at them... that’s an unforgettable memory. The last time I had experienced something like that was having my first Dota short film played at KeyArena in 2015, the laughter of the crowd echoing all around me... I was shaking in my seat. Just remembering it gets my heart pumping, man. It’s a really unique feeling.

So I’m pretty happy with how that work came out. I came out of it having learned quite a few new tricks too, born out of necessity from my technical ambitions. Stuff I intend to put to use again. I’m really glad that the team I worked with at Valve was so kind and great to work with. After the premiere, I received a few more compliments from them... and I did reply, “careful! You might give me enough confidence to apply!”, to which one of them replied, “you totally should, man.” But I still haven’t because I’m a massive idiot, haha. Well, I still haven’t because I don’t think I’m well-rounded enough yet. And also because, like I alluded to before, I think I’m in a pretty good situation as it is.

It’s not the first encouragements I had received from them, too; there had been a couple people from the Dota team who, at the end of my two week stay in the offices, while I was on my way out, told me I should try applying. But again, I didn’t apply because I’m a massive idiot.

(Pictured: view from the Valve offices.)

To be 200% frank, even though there’s been quite a few people who’ve followed my work throughout the years, comments on Reddit and YouTube, etc. who’ve all said things along the lines of “why aren’t you working for them ?”, well... it’s not something I ever really pursued. I know it’s a lot of people’s dream job, but I never saw it that way. I feel like, if it ever happened to me... sure, that could be cool! But I don’t know if it’s something I really want, or even that I should want?

And if you add “being unsure” to what I consider to be a lack of experience in certain things, well... I really don’t think I’d be a good candidate (yet?), and having seen how busy these people are on the inside, the last thing I want to do is waste their time with a bad application. That would be the most basic form of courtesy I can show to them.

Besides, Covid-19 makes applying to just about any job very hard, if not outright impossible right now. And for a while longer, I suspect.

(Pictured: the Tuilière & Sanadoire rocks.)

I’m still unhappy about the amount of “actual animation” I get to do overall since I like to work on just about every step of the process in my videos, but well. It’s getting better. One thing I am happy with though, is “solving problems”. And new challenges. Seeking the answers to them, and making myself be able to see those problems, alongside entire projects, from a more “holistic” way, that is to say, not missing the forest for the trees.

It’s hard to explain, and even just the use of the term “holistic” sounds like some kind of pompous cop-out... but looking back on how I handled projects 5 years ago vs. now, I see the differences in how I think about problems a lot. And to some extent I do have my time on Valve contracts to thank a LOT in helping me progress there.

Anyway, I’m currently working on a project that I’m very interested & creativefuly fulfilled by. But it has nothing to do with animation nor Dota, for a change! There are definitely at least two other Dota short films I want to make, though. We’ll see how that goes.

Happy new year & take care y’all.