#what do yall think will happen when either option wins???

[dollfaceksj]

I DO LOVE THE ANGST!! I think the right amount if perfect!!

Can #8 be Jungkook genuinely realizing he was rude and knocked down a few pegs yunno?

I seriously want to Make HIM the one wrapped around her little finger. Yunno? She fell first but he fell harder? Cuz he’s so goddamn cocky and big headed 🤪🤪🤪 love your Drabble series!

lets see wot i can do 😁😁

warnings: angst (mentions of sa) …sorry for putting y’all thru that! don’t hunt me down with fire torches and pitch forks for the ending!!!! can’t wait to see how it goes!!

taste of a poison paradise | jjk (m) #8

masterlist

<- previous ; next ->

it’s been a few days since the clubbing incident and you haven’t been responding to anyone

you’d gotten a text from an unknown number that introduced themselves as yoongi and said that he got your number from taehyung to ask where you were

and why you had left so suddenly

you’ve been in bed all weekend, looking a mess

you weren’t responding to anyone and tae had started begging to just let him know that you were safe

and you texted him that you were home and just wanted to be alone

and now you’re by yourself

why

and how

did you ever let that punk get to you like this

get serious!!!

his words should mean nothing to you!!!

and you put him in his place!!

you definitely made your feelings towards him CLEAR

but you’ll also never forget the way he looked at you

instant regret settled on his features

toward the end of your harsh rant, his teeth were anxiously nibbling in his bottom lip you were surprised he didn’t end up bleeding

seeing him so stressed and anxious was so different to his usual stoic and cocky self

not to mention–

knock knock knock knock knock

who the fawk is knocking at your door at 9pm on a sunday

man

what’s going on

you slowly get up and make your way to your front door, cracking it open and peeking with one eye

“you had me worried, y/n.” taehyung’s voice is lathered in genuineness

you sigh and open the door for him, allowing him to pull you into a tight hug

“what happened? i assumed the worst happened to you in that club. one minute you were dancing with yoongi and then you were gone and i don’t hear from you at all.”

he sways with you from left to right, soothingly rubbing your back

you blink back your tears and just inhale his familiar scent

he smells like musk and cookies

you love his scent

:(

“you didn’t get–” he pauses, “like no one tried to–” he pauses again, “like did someone–”

huh

oh

okay

you realize he’s trying to ask you if you’d gotten sexually harassed or assaulted

“no, tae. nothing of the sort.” you pull back and look up at him, rubbing his chest

he visibly relaxes and brings his hand up to your face, rubbing out the scrunch between your brows

“then what happened, babe?”

you quietly sigh and shake your head in dismissal. “nothing. i felt sick. went home. been in bed for 2 days.”

“but why didn’t you answer my texts? or yoongi’s? we were seriously worried, y/n.”

sigh

“i’m sorry.” you flick his forehead and it allows you to escape his embrace

he follows you to your living room and jumps onto your couch

“don’t jump on my furniture!!!!”

he ignores you and reaches for your remote before turning the tv on.

“you got any snacks?” he asks you, feet up on the table

annoying little fuck

you kick his feet off your table. “not for you.”

he whines loudly but then sits up right and glances at you. “so, we wanna go on a camping trip and we’re wondering… if you’d wanna join?”

you look at him as you sit down next to him, snatching the remote out of his hand. “and who is we?”

he chuckles, “i don’t have a whole lot of friends, y/n.”

“taehyung, you literally say ‘hey, what’s up’ about 30 times a minute when we’re walking on campus.”

“acquaintances aren’t friends!”

well, he’s right

hmm

well

but … he is tae’s friend

“so, your usual friend group?”

“yep.”

ughhh you want to ask him directly

“i’d be the only woman there?”

he shrugs his shoulders. “does that bother you? if it does, you can ask one of your own friends to tag along. like eunbi.”

record scratch

should you ask eunbi?

the chance of that man [horror music] coming with you is low, he’s a homebody

and you don’t wanna ask tae if he’s coming because that would be weird

he’d ask you why you’re interested in that FUCKBOY joining you or not

it’s best not to ask eunbi at all

just to avoid drama

right?

“when do y’all wanna go?”

he looks like he’s contemplating something for a moment before responding with, “next week friday right after class since everyone only has morning classes.”

okay makes sense

“okay and how do y’all wanna go?”

all the others have graduated but most of you don’t have vehicles

“by train. seokjin is the only one that’ll go by car because he actually has one. and then we’ll have a car there for if we need to buy something or for emergencies.”

oh

they’ve thought this through

hm

“i hate bugs, though.”

he chuckles, “i will protect you.”

“make that yoongi and we have a deal.”

he laughs loudly, “okay then, yoongi will protect you.”

“will i be sharing my tent with him?” you quip while batting your eyelashes at him innocently

“calm it down, you minx.”

you both laugh for a few more moments, talking more about the place and camping itself

“so, you in?” tae asks with all the stars present in his eyes

how can you say no to that?

hmmm

you could use some time to relax

“alright, sure.”

and that’s how you find yourself fidgeting with the handle of your suitcase that next friday

standing in front of the train

taehyung, yoongi, jimin and hoseok are loading their suitcases onto the train

2 female friends of hoseok and taehyung have joined, by the names of hyunjoo and isabella

seeing another foreigner like isabella here already made it easy to get along with her

hyunjoo is also really sweet but she’s rather quiet

joon joined seokjin in the car so he didn’t have to drive that long on his own

you’ve got the biggest suitcase of everyone so you’re being helped last

jerks.

the guys are busy with hyunjoo and isabella’s baggage now

you rub your face, collecting some of the sweat that had started forming on your skin

you didn’t think it was going to be this hot tbh?

hoseok said something about there being like a bathhouse 20 mins away from where you will be camping so

sweat shouldn’t be that big of a problem, you’ll just make sure to visit that bathhouse daily

you also brought like extra sleeping bags because you wanna bury yourself basically

you know you’ll be freezing at night like always

what else did you pack?

just as you mindlessly reach for your suitcase again, you’re met with air

your hand continues to grab at air

until you realize

your suitcase is gone

wait

YOUR SUITCASE IS GONE

WHAT THE HELL

you turn around and see someone with your suitcase in hand

but

tae,, yoongi, jimin and hoseok are … all the way over there?

oh

ah

right

okay

your penny has just dropped and so did your heart. STRAIGHT into your ass.

why

is

he

here

???

://

you reach for the handle of your suitcase to snatch it out of his grasp

but he doesn’t let you as he pulls it out of your reach

“just let me help you.” jungkook’s voice reaches your ears but he doesn’t even look at you as he continues to carry your suitcase and loading it into the train

he sounds

different

that usual confidence and arrogance he carries himself with is gone

it’s kinda like the same jungkook you’ve always known and not the jungkook you’ve had the displeasure of interacting with these past few weeks

is this his way of being apologetic?

narcissism at it’s finest

everyone starts filing into the train but yoongi is waiting by the door

you walk up to him and he motions for you to get in first

you sigh quietly and smile at him as you walk onto the train

he follows right behind you and places his hand on your back as you walk further into the train

you see jungkook all the way at the front, all the way at the left against the window, wearing his headset but the only two seats that are free are the ones .. right … in front of him

you’ve pretended jk isn’t here pretty well until you make it all the way to your seat and make eye contact with him

he glances at you, teeth sunk into his bottom lip

just as he parts his lips to say something to you

you take your seat right in front of him and yoongi sits down right next to you, directly facing jungkook

ur right across from him

like… your feet and knees are almost touching each other

the look on jungkook’s face had softened for that split second with an apologetic glint in his eyes

but ur not gonna let him mess with your head, not on this 3 hour trip

yoongi leans over to you and whispers these next few words into your ears, “i haven’t seen you since that club, how you been?”

your shoulder gently jerks at his breath hitting your neck and yoongi chuckles at that

you can’t help it

you try not to you really try not to

you glance at jungkook and he’s staring straight at you

the way he’s staring straight at you, teeth anxiously nibbling and picking at his lip rings, showers your entire body in lava

you quickly avert your gaze and you turn your head to say, “i just felt sick. must’ve been the alcohol,” to yoongi

he nods and pulls out his phone. he connects his earbuds to it and offers you one of the earbuds

omg

wait why is this so cute

you feel like ur back in high school

a small smile creeps on your lips as you accept it and put it into your own ear

you notice jungkook’s leg bouncing up and down in anxiety

you drop your head onto yoongi’s shoulder and throw your leg over the other before closing your eyes

just act like he’s not right in front of you

you’re just here with friends

and your head is on yoongi’s shoulder

plus he’s sharing his music with you!!!

that’s a big thing!!!!!!!!

and you allow yourself to zone out <3

you stir and realize you’re being woken up by a soft hand shaking your knee

you hear your name quietly being called

you open your eyes and see big black eyes staring down at you

“we’re here.” jungkook’s soft voice reaches you like liquid gold being ladled into your ears by angels

you blink a couple times and realize you’re still wearing yoongi’s earbud

you look to your side and notice yoongi is gone

“he went to the restroom,” jungkook replies quietly

you don’t respond as you collect yourself and slowly gather your stuff

jungkook quietly does the same but is constantly glancing at you

when you move to step out of the seating area, he gently taps your shoulder

you look over your shoulder at him, still not a single word on your lips for him

“can we talk?” he asks quietly, dropping his hand after catching your attention

uh uhh.. ur not gonna let him ruin your trip

you are NOT

you cried for 2 days in your fucking bed over a geeky junior. ur never allowing that again

“what is there left to talk about?” the words leave you in a harsh tone and if anyone was around that didn’t know the situation, they’d paint you out as the villain

but they don’t get it

they don’t know what it was like when he tore you down

“i think we should talk about the misunderstand–”

“misunderstanding?” you echo in disbelief before letting out a humorless chuckle.

you continue, “there is no misunderstanding, jungkook. i think i made myself pretty fucking clear that night. and so did you.”

he doesn’t give up, though. “please?”

you sigh quietly and glance up at him, all the painful words he said to you still clouding your mind

attention-seeking

tryhard

no one likes that about you

does he even deserve to talk it out?

to be continued

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[razorblade180]

Petty Bet

Mualani and Aether: *eating together*

Paimon:…..Are yall gonna kiss or what?

Aether:*chokes aggressively*

Mualani:W-What!? Where did that come from?

Paimon:You’re always hanging out. Everyone is thinking it. All are watching with interest.

Aether:No, you’re just a busybody. What, you make a bet or something with my relationships?

Paimon:….*averts eyes*

Aether:You’re betting on me!?

Paimon:Maybe! Who could say!?

Mualani:Haha, that explains the intense approach. Who the heck are you betting w- it’s Ajaw, isn’t it?

Paimon:He needs to know failure! To be humbled!

Aether:What was the bet?

Paimon:He said “despite the mediocrity of my lowly servant, the blonde would easily fall victim to Kinich before some chatty Beach Bum” and Paimon thought that was stupid and said “Aether’s been falling for Mualani faster than a rushing tide. If he’s wants to be with anyone it’s clearly someone as likable as her!”

Aether:Now why would you repeat that last part?

Mualani:I’ve been giving you nonstop surfing lessons every chance we get when you ask.

Aether:Because it’s fun! We’re having fun!

Mualani:Also , “chatty beach bum?” I might have to tell Kinich about that one.

Paimon:Oh yeah, losing means Paimon has to “bow celebrate his glory as a faithful servant.”

Mualani:And if he loses?

Paimon:He gets locked up for a week.

Mualani:Aether, I think it would be incredibly irresponsible of you to not kiss me.

Aether:You are shockingly petty.

Mualani:It’s Ajaw! Nobody wants a world where he’s winning. A week of us hanging out with Kinich and Kachina in peace.

Paimon:Why are you pretending you don’t literally fall in love with a land and its people in every nation.

Aether:*holds Sandshrew* For your information, I’m trying to set a good example my child and take matters slow like the responsible adult I am.

Sandshrew: Rawr!

Aether:See? They agree.

Paimon:You flirted your way out of court case against in Fontaine.

Mualani:That’s impressive.

Aether:Thank you. I surprised myself.

Paimon:You’re not even denying it!

Mualani:Admittedly, my pride would be ever so slightly bruised if Ajaw did win that bet. In the grand scheme of it all however, it doesn’t really matter considering I’m dating Kinich.

Paimon:WHAT!?

Mualani:Yeah I’m not surprised Ajaw didn’t mention that part. Kinich actually made the first move. I was super surprised. That’s probably why Ajaw was so confident you’d lose.

Paimon:That little- of course he’d play dirty.

Aether:And what are you doing right now?

Paimon:Irrelevant.

Mualani:Don’t be too hard on her. To be fair, Kinich and I are just as competitive in our own way. Like how we plan fun one on one activities with you. And don’t pretend you don’t know we’re flirting; otherwise you wouldn’t have felt the need to explain your lifestyle. You totally like the attention.

Aether:*red* It doesn’t happen often. I feel a little special is all.

Mualani:And there’s nothing wrong with that. I honestly like just hanging out. I’d do it regardless if you’re interested in me or not.

Paimon:You’re totally is type. It’s actually embarrassing.

Aether:I’m gonna grill you.

Paimon:What!? We both agree Mualani and Kachina definitely should get the chance to meet Amber and Collei. They’d be the bestest friends. Especially Amber and Mualani.

Mualani:Oh? Now I’m interested. She sounds like quite the individual.

Aether:Hehe, yeah she’s incredible.

Meanwhile….

A burning stove

Amber:….

Eula:I didn’t think buring water was possible. *freezes stove*

Amber:What can I say? I’m full of surprises. *lowers head* Let’s just order breakfast today.

xxxxxx

Mualani:Well the way I see things, you have options that all lead to fine outcomes. If you’re not interested in either of us that’s perfectly okay. If you aren’t attracted to me that’s alright. I know I’m a lot.

Paimon: (I see he hasn’t gotten to his Fontaine stories yet…)

Mualani:However, if you do happen to be interested, then I have it on good authority that leaning forward right now wouldn’t be embarrassing at all. *smirks*

Paimon:I’ll cover Sandshrew’s eyes.

Aether:How the heck did I end up becoming the equivalent of a bounty?

Paimon and Mualani: You’re a catch.

Sandshrew: Rawr!

Aether:….

xxxxxx

Paimon:Hello Kinich! *side eyes* Ajaw…

Kinich:Mind your tone, anemic bloaty floaty. Soon you will be bowing in reverence to the mighty-

Paimon pulls out a photo she took of Aether and Mualani from a distance, creating the assumption that she did it in secret. It was the two of them sharing a gentle and whimsical kiss by the water with their meal.

Ajaw:WHAT!? IMPOSSIBLE!

Paimon:Oh it’s very possible. You’re looking right at it. They’re dating and you’ve lost.

Kinich:Well I guess that’s that. *stands up* It was one week, correct?

Ajaw:Don’t you dare! This thing cheated! It had to!!

Kinich:You know what they say. “You play stupid games…”

Paimon: “You get stupid prizes.”

Kinich:Time to honor your reward for losing.

Ajaw:I swear to the heavens themself if you dare- *banished*

Kinich:Realistically I’m probably going to need him after for four days to do something.

Paimon:Every second will be cherished. Also, you’ve been invited to go camping and to a dinner.

Kinich:Heh, I suspected as much. *smiles* I really can’t keep with all you sometimes.

[f1orza]

The way people are (rightfully) upset about the way people are talking about Oscar rn and in that SAME breath speak that same way about Lando is just ???? Mind boggling to me to be honest

I like both drivers so these situations are honestly tiring because I already know what's going to happen everytime.

Like I will see a post about the hate Oscar is receiving and will agree, like it IS racing and they raced and he pulled it off but yall are being really condescending towards Lando. When it's his fans who are the ones blowing it out of proportion. No matter how much you dislike Lando he is NOT the one who is saying this stuff, so the fact that yall are acting like he did and hating on him in the same post you made about not understanding hating on a driver for racing is...crazy to me. Yall have really normalized the hate and that's why I won't get further into the fandom because YALL ARE WEIRD FOR NORMALIZING THE WAY YOU SPEAK ON A RANDOM PERSON YOU DON'T KNOW!?!?!

If you are just a fan and dislike another driver for whatever reason that's cool. But don't be upset when you see people speak negatively on your driver if you do the same to any other driver. And feeling the need to speak about a driver the way you do and on social media at that is crazy. I have drivers I don't personally like and you wouldn't ever know because I'm not going to waste energy on hating someone I don't like because that's the normal thing to do.

No matter how much yall wish it both Lando and Oscar are good drivers. Both of them have proven to be so. Lando has actually done well for how long he had a shit car with Mclaren. I honestly don't think comparing Oscar's 2 years to Lando's what 5-6 years is comparable because to be honest Oscar has not had a shit car as long as Lando did. So to hold that over Lando's head to "prove" that Lando doesn't deserve to have the car or a chance at the championship, as if he hasn't waited in a team for years (who were not giving him a car worth staying for) for this very opportunity. He had other options and I'm sure if he would've been in another team, he would've been winning.

Yall get on him way to much because there are still drivers on the grid now who've been there for YEARS and have not stood on the podium AT ALL. (Not trying to shade)

If Lando wants to win (unless team ordered) he will have to win by himself but to say that he can't is delusional. Lando is capable of winning and we have seen it. Especially when given a good strategy which unfortunately McLaren can't seem to give either of their drivers.

So please put it to rest now the drivers are good, the team just needs to get their shit together. They both want to race, neither one of them were or will be okay with being gifted a win/want to win on their own merit.

They both know what's best for themselves and they don't need people they don't know speaking for them. Especially when everything you are saying contradicts everything they say.

[vidyagamereference]

Holy fuck yall i finally finished something

Dating Gepard hc's except theyre not all 100% positive romance tropes [sfw and not sfw]

Anyways back to our regularly scheduled headcanons

He has to learn to ask "do you want solutions or do you want to vent" during your relationship bc he is 100% in "fix the problem" mode 100% of the time

If he gets to a point where he is frustrated and upset he won't cry unless you two intentionally do something to intentionally make him cry.

To achive the above he's open to anything from BDSM to structured arguing to watching pixar. His only requirement is that you be physically with him and hold him when hes ready for it.

I personally headcanon him as being really into BDSM and a switch because he has simultaneously too much control over part of his life and the lives of others and no choice whatsoever because of his name and title and he would love to have just an hour or two where everything goes the way he wants it to wether thats because he needs you to do exactly what he demands or if its because he needs to stop having so many god damn responsibilities and just feel

Hes a good cook but i think he'd prefer to just clean up after you make him something if you cook

Not that hes unwilling to or anything it just feels more special to eat what you make him and he likes to help you out by doing the dishes and cleaning the stove and such

He will cook for you if you ask

Pls ask sometimes it makes him so happy he gets to make you feel as special as him but [leading to my next headcanon]

He sucks at spontaneity and you cannot tell me this man isnt autistic. His ass is Not reading silent/subtle hints so if you wanna be pampered you gotta be blunt and actually ask for it

None of that passive aggressive "if i ask it doesnt count" bullshit you have to be a blunt communicator to date him.

And if you start picking fights he is canonically one of the most stubborn "dig your heels in" "im not compromising" "create a cold war in my own house" kind of people EVER

You ain't winning that standoff

It takes a kind of person who will argue just as stubbornly and come back after and ask to "see where we went wrong" and take accountability for your side of what happened to date him effectively

Frustrating guy

But so so worth it

If he grows flowers successfully even once you can garentee (autocorrect has been no help how fo you spell that?!) A slightly shabby flower or three in a big ribbon and the sweetest smile!

He doesnt take off his shoes OR armor right away when he enters the house because they STINK and he has those disposable baggies that you step in to get to the shower without tracking in all the salt and muddy snow from outside. He needs to get to the soap (for him) and deodorizers (for his shoes and clothes) first

He uses 2 in 1 head n shoulders as facewash, bodywash, shampoo, and conditioner. one stop shopping. And his skin and hair are soft and flawless somehow

His hair is fluffy and cute. Its 100% genetics and 0% effort

I feel it in my bones that he has a slight pooch of belly fat. He has functional muscle not fashion muscle. I know it. Its fact. It would be So Fucking Cute no im not coping with a complete castwide lack of any curves why do you ask?

I think he sleeps like a rotisserie chicken but he needs to hug something to sleep, so he has an Emotional Support Pillow that he brings with him, on duty, at homw, he has His Pillow(tm)

He is the little spoon

He will randomly kiss you when youre alone bc he suddenly remembered "hey i can kiss my partner!!!! :D" and got excited about being your boyfriend/partner

A few rapid fire not sfw headcanons

Hes average size (6.5in) and it curves nicely upwards. The head gets cutely pink when hes hard and it has a beauty mark on the right ridge

Literally loves body worship, would be on either side happily. It gives him a nice feeling of power exchange and fluffy emotional validation feelings all at once

Also loves the pet name "good boy" for the same reason

He *is* good thank you for noticing! And he is a boy who is *also* yours! Correct twice in a row he might just swoon

Cuddle monster. 100% cuddles after are a must

Sometimes cries after. Often actually. And he would feel the need to defend it like he wasnt the worlds no.1 "most unable to express emotions" autistic person getting overwhelmed by All This Intimacy

He's got a thing about smelling his partner. Idk how i just know it. I feel it in my bones. He likes the way they smell and he wants your shirts (for jackoff material) not your nudes (tho pls send those too)

He likes public in theory but would actually die of shame if he ever tried anything where anyone could hear you ot potentially catch you. Its fully Anxiety so bad he couldnt even preform type of shit

If hes domming tonight he wants to tie you up and use you like a toy

If (or how many times) you get off is up to him not you

If hes subbing tonight he wants you to degrade him and make him cry. Then let him pleasure you with "your favorite toy" (his dick) pls he would love it

Petplay. I beleive he would make a great puppyboy and that is the Only justification i have for this

I think he likes asses. Ass man 100%

[iheartmoons]

every year my school holds an optional writing competition and if you win you get money (cough which i won last year cough) and this year, i cryptically wrote marauders fanfiction and the school doesn't know 😭 but i'm genuinely proud of it, so i'm posting it here for yall to see! the prompt we had to go on was: be bold.

(by the way, i listened to "did you know there's a tunnel under ocean blvd" while writing this, if anyone cares)

Mary is broken, cracked and peeling and falling apart. Looking back, she thinks she was foolish to give up like that. She is still breathing, still living, still here to grieve. Is that a good thing?

All her friends have thrown themselves into war, thrashing and violent. That is what happens to kids. You breed them in a wartime, they will run from peace. Mary didn’t though.

Be bold. That is what her mother always told her. Be bold enough to take what you need, to run from pain. Her mother had told her that, sometimes, the boldest thing to do is to lay down your armour. That is what Mary did. She laid down her armour and begged for life.

Her friends did not understand her at the time, said that she was a coward to cower from war, but they are lost now. That is what happens with war. It sweeps away the kids, like a tide collecting the litter along shore, engulfing and perpetual.

She collects the mugs from her coffee table, moving slowly over to the sink and washing them. This is what happens after war. What then, after the blood and the grief and the stench of death, happens? What, when the rest must go home and carry on as though the soldiers are just old myths of the battlefield, happens? Do they grieve? Do they move on, keep living? Or, when war takes a soldier, does it take the village down too?

Stuck to the fridge, there is a year old post-it-note from Emma that tells her to pick up the balloons for a birthday party. How strange to see it now, when they are all gone. Their memory haunts her; they left themselves in abounding details, so ingrained in her that she can’t shake it. They stick like sand on her skin, or like the scent of rain after thunder has been driven out.

An ache caves inside her chest, carving her out until she is a bleeding mess. What does it mean to be bold? Does it mean to hurt, to do the bravest thing? Well, her friends are wrong. Her friends told her that the boldest thing was the fight for the right cause, but what do they mean by that? On either side, the leftovers must collect themselves, write eulogies for no-one who will listen, and live on in the resounding absence. When you have been preparing your whole life for war, listened to the missiles as they lull you to sleep, or listened to the ramblings of older men who point your moral compass, is it really bold to fight? Do you point your spears and learn the name of the person who you pierce? Would you kill them, really, if you knew?

Mary had begged at their feet not to leave her. She had promised that the bravest thing to do, when everyone screams their war cries, is to want to live on. It is hard to die for a cause you think is right. It is harder still to live through it.

On the news, the man calls their sacrifices ‘courageous’. They cheer for them, they wear black, they take two minutes, but what else? Do they stop the guns, or the bombs, or the deaths? Do they take down the posters before it is too late, before children are getting sucked into the glory of war?

Be bold, her mother tells her. On the other side of the room, she picks up the teddy bear, which is yet to be battered. It is brand new. She walks over to the bin and drops it in.

Be bold, except now she is bruised and broken. Except now, her friends have died and no longer have to hurt. It is a mercy, really. She selfishly wants to be them. Among the debris, she comes up burnt. She curses them in bed, curses them with every breath that she inhales and exhales. Every one is careful, knowing that they have none left. Staring up to her ceiling, she doesn’t hear their voices or get their calls. She held them funerals weeks ago, but no one came. She read out their eulogies, by the graveyard, in her loveliest black dress, and the only one to hear her was the woman by the grave opposite. The other woman didn’t care – she was too busy mourning. And who do they mourn? Do they mourn their friends, or the absence of them? Do they curse the violence of war, or the damage it leaves behind? Is it selfish? How can it be, she thinks to herself, bunching the duvet in her fists, there is no one else left to consider.

Perhaps putting down her weapons has done her more hurt than good. Perhaps, in the end, it was the futility of their anger, the burning inside them that had been extinguished by one mighty tidal wave, that frustrates her. In wartime, you must make rash decisions. They had ridiculed her for not taking the side of a leader they could barely trust. But that is it, isn’t it? In war, the only thing you can do is put blind faith in a person who might ruin you. You lay down at their feet and say: use me. That is what a soldier is. A weapon to throw across the battlefield, measuring just where they sink and thinking, oh well, we’ll do better next time.

Why does it go in circles? Why, when one generation has been lost in the hungry winds, will the next pick up their swords and fight the same battle?

Be bold, she will tell them, but they won’t listen. They will go in, hungry for violence and glory and flesh and blood. Sometimes, she thinks, when you are so ready for combat, the boldest thing to do is to let yourself cry.

[faggotmox]

How are you feeling about the Mox/gage title vs career match tonight?

@marlboromoxley

oh man, im so !!!!. im nervous & excited, im so happy hut terribly sad. either mox looses my favorite champion he has or my favorite wrestler ever is going to retire.

more than anything i just want them to be able to put on a match they are both proud of. their czw stuff is so good, their first set of matches has such an energy, & they didn't really get to fully finish it. im so excited. i can't wait to see what they have in store. honestly ill probably be happy any way this goes, i just genuinely love seeing them wrestle so much, so ill be satisfied as long as they're both in the ring & doing their thing.

what i think will actually happen is gage will win the title off mox, then for the next year or two he'll wrestle some but not a lot, not as much as he used to. then either gage will retire with the belt (a likely option since the belt was made for nick) or he'll drop it to jordan oliver.

ofc in kayfabe i want nick to win! pizza cutter that big bitches face, nicky!!! 🍕 🔪 yall didn't know i could turn on mox, did ya, but when it comes to nick fn gage? everyone < nicky

[paradisewithinpain]

Hurt at the Hands of Someone Else

for my sake of lack of creativity, you're gonna be the manager for the team

GN!reader

Kuroo

I pray for whoever decides it's a good idea to hurt you

N E WAY

yall were at a match

and of course

you were cheering on your team

but you were also taking notes of the match

one of the players on the opposing team had a weird spike that kinda intrigued you

so it was no surprise that you paid attention when he spiked

hOwEVeR

you stopped when he winked at you

after the match, you went to congratulate your team on their win

your congrats was short lived though

the school was quite a ways away from Nekoma so coach had the boys shower before getting on the bus

cause no one wants to sit in a bus with sweaty teenage boys

after a few minutes of waiting alone, disaster finally struck

"hey! there you are! I saw you looking at my spikes earlier! care for a closer look?"

it took every fiber of your being not gag right then and there

"I was taking notes so that we can destroy you guys faster next time."

"Hohoho! Feisty, I like it."

"And I like being left alone. So please take your Santa sounding ass and leave."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Fine then. I have no need to be around your stupidity anyway."

you turned on your heel and left

or so you thought

before you could get more than a foot away you felt a hand encase your arm

you acted on reflex and swung

as protective as your boyfriend was, you learned how to defend yourself anyway

the boy in front of you did not seem to happy about that

before you could react, you found yourself being tackled backward

the impact knocked the breath out of you

plus the feeling of your head hitting the ground

not fun

"I'm gonna make you regret that."

you weren't about to give up so easy

you bucked your knee and scrambled away as the boy groaned in pain

"Y/N?"

you turned at the sound of your boyfriend and let out a sigh of relief when you saw the team behind him

you let him come to you since you were still out of breath

"You okay, love?"

you didn't respond but held up a thumbs up, bending down slightly to rest your hands of your knees

*cue the gasps*

you reached to touch the back of your head and were suprised to see blood on your fingers

you started freaking out

not because your head was bleeding

but because you knew your boyfriend could very well be thrown into jail if he did something stupid

like killing someone

but even you couldn't stop Kuroo as he gripped the boy's collar and lifted him of the ground like a rag doll

"Listen here bud. I don't know what the hell happened here but my S/O is bleeding and since you're the only one around I'm going to assume it was you. I'm gonna give you two options. I either bash your face in with my fist, or with my foot. Your choice."

"Or, you could take your S/O to get checked out and make sure they're okay."

you shot Kenma a look of thanks and looked back at your boyfriend

he sighed and dropped the boy

but not before giving him a nice jab to the face

his demeanor changed completely as he headed back over to you where you leaned up against Yamamoto for support

"Babe, do you think you can stand?"

"Maybe?"

you couldn't

thankfully Kuroo caught you before you landed face first

but it didn't end there

"Babe! Put me down!"

"You clearly can't walk so therefore, I have to carry you."

you were too tired to argue

after getting patched up, you and the team made your way back to the bus

you could very well walk by yourself but Kuroo insisted he carried you

the whole was back to the bus you could tell something was up

you didn't bring it up until you all were on the bus on your way home

"I can tell something's wrong, you know that, right?"

"..."

"Babe?"

"What if I hadn't been there? you could've gotten hurt worse or-."

you grabbed his hand and brought it up to your lips

"you were there. That's all that matters."

"I know, but-."

"But nothing. I'm ok, we're ok, we'll be okay."

You gave him a soft and smiled at him

"And besides, I know you'd never let anything bad happen to me."

He smirked and reconnected your lips

"Damn right I won't."

[purrincess-chat]

Obviously the majority of the blue stans are so disturbingly EXTRA and like to view him as Diet Sunshine and honestly really need to chill the FRICK out, but I'm kind of curious..... If the blue himself was given more character traits than a slightly moist towlette, do you think you could like him? Rather, if the fanatics weren'tpart of the equation, what would it take for you to like him as a character?

So, that was initially the start of the birthday discourse.

When CH aired the first time, I went into it wanting to like him and ship the blue ship. Honest, I did. I don't advertise it much lately cause I've been working on a lot of love square stuff, but I was a huge rare pair shipper at the time. I think that was the first year I hosted rare pair month (in March) and I had a ton of rare pair stuff going (dig back on my ao3 you'll find them). So I wasn't bothered by the possibility of the blue ship "disrupting" the square or whatever cause like I literally ship shit like Alyanette and Sabrinadrien.

Anyway, I think part of the problem initially was that certain BNFs hyped him up before his episode and said he was cute and charming and had depth outside of just being a love rival, so I was like okay, okay, cool. But then when CH aired and we got...that I just wasn't impressed, but I was open to seeing what they did later on with him. And my friend Kaylee had made a post basically outlining how she felt (which was basically the same way I did for the same reasons) about it and I reblogged it cause I was like, yeah, I agree.

Which you have to understand the fandom climate at the time. There was a big surge in people sticking up for Marinette because a lot of people were shitting on her and comparing her to Chloe, so one blogger (possibly more but one in particular) made a post basically saying that anyone who hated the blue boy or that ship was slut shaming Marinette? Because "she's allowed to have other options besides Adrien god forbid" basically which, at least for Kaylee and I, was not even our issue with it at all? Which that post wasn't exclusively directed at either of us, it was just general cause I'm sure OP saw something that set them off, but anyway, that's where that part of the original ask that sparked the birthday discourse came from.

But I think for both Kaylee and I we were both open to the possibility of him getting more development in the future, we just weren't wowed by what we got initially, but were both like ehh we'll see what happens, and then the birthday anon struck acting like we had sworn him off forever (at this point CH was still the only episode we had of him) and so because of that discourse I was like um, I was indifferent to him, but now fuck him? And Kaylee was mortified because it was her post that started it so then she was like fuck yall and him for attacking someone on their birthday what the fuck? And then just over time his stans have just been like that, so we are both like ya know, fuck all of this in particular.

I think he has been ruined for me as far as I'm concerned, and I don't think I will ever truly like him or that ship because what's canon is canon and tbh he hasn't gotten much better or deep since his debut so even the "wait and see" people come off looking a little foolish because now we have waited a season and a half (which was as long as Adrien had been around in CH) and he is still the same as he was in his debut. So our overall canon opinion of him hasn't changed, but our aggravation with his stans has certainly grown since then.

That being said, I did/do have plans to write the blue ship in a better way in a fic I have. The very first fic I wrote for this fandom when I came in right when s1 ended was basically a "this is how I'd continue the story" type deal and I worked on it for a while then decided I didn't like some stuff about it and then s2 started airing and introduced new characters and so I've just been in a constant state of revision with it, but I do have super cute plans for them in it which mostly consist of: giving him his own character outside of Marinette, developing their affection more gradually, giving the poor boy a personality outside guitar, and having their interactions not focus on how sad she is about Adrien. Which like his stans don't deserve my fluff, but for the purposes of that fic I'll do it eventually. I don't think I'm gonna include the blue ship in dogrien at all. Idk haven't decided. Might write him out entirely or just leave him as Juleka's older bro who is mentioned but never really seen. Haven't gotten that far in my plans yet though.

So yeah, basically if I could undo the damage and have him written in a way that would have made me like him from the beginning, that would be the way. Decouple him from LS drama, make him his own character with motives outside of winning the protagonists affections. (Does he want a career in music or does he just play in his little sisters band? Does he have any real thoughts besides strum strum Marinette?)

Tldr: I wasn't opposed to him at the start but stans ruined him for me overtime and that can't really be fixed.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

A Huggable, Kissable Bear

Fandom: Marvel (Cop AU - Sweet as Cinnamon Sugar Universe)

Pairing: Chubby!Bucky Barnes x Reader

As requested by anonymous: Sweet as Cinnamon Sugar date ideas. It’s a small town, so there’s always some kind of festival or fair. Bucky does like to win stuffed animals for the ladies! We used to have outdoor concerts with Motown singers. Mom would pack a picnic and there was a car show. Just some thoughts! 

A/N: i swear this is so fucking sweet. yall will need to go to the dentist after this!

warning: implication of fear of heights and a panic attack due to said fear.

Bucky picked you up at your apartment at 6pm. The sun was starting to set and it was a fairly cool night. So you decided to wear jeans, a white tshirt, and a cardigan. Although the outfit was simple, Bucky still found you just as beautiful as when you’re in your diner uniform hair in disarray and there are coffee stains all over your apron. 

“So, Sarge, what’s the plan tonight?” you asked as he helped you into his car and hopped into the driver’s seat.

“Well, today’s the Spring Festival. Figured I’d take you there?”

You nodded in agreement, “Great! I haven’t gone in years! I’d love to see if things have changed since then.”

“Great,” Bucky said with a sigh of relief. He didn’t know if taking you to the festival was a good idea. Steve recommended it, but Bucky didn’t know if you were a festival person.

“Great,” you said smiling back at him. As Bucky continued to stare at you, you giggled, “So...we goin’, Sarge, or are ya gonna just stare at me in your car all day?”

Bucky chuckled, “Well, the festival doesn’t have anythin’ on this view right now.”

You giggled again and gave him a playful nudge, “You smooth talker. But seriously, let’s go! You got me all excited now!”

“Alright, sugar, we’re goin’. Hold onto ya panties.” Bucky started the car and switched the gear into drive. 

He was driving out of the apartment parking lot when you smirked and said, “You think about my panties often, Sarge?”

Bucky choked on his own spit. He could feel his face heating up instantly as he began to stumble on excuses, “Well, no, I just-you see it’s just-it’s an expression and-”

He stopped when you burst into laughter, “Oh God! Take a breather, Bucky! I’m just kidding with ya!”

His shoulders visibly deflated in relief, “Dear God, sugar, you just about put me into a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry, Sarge,” you leaned over and pecked his cheek, “It won’t happen again,” and you settled into your seat again. Bucky could feel his cheeks heating up again.

____________________________

You and Bucky walked hand in hand along the fairgrounds of the festival. The entire area was decorated with flowers and pastel colors. Very spring-like indeed. 

Although very cool on the outside, Bucky was freaking out on the inside. He hasn’t been on a date since he was with Dot. He doesn’t remember how to be this cool, suave guy he used to be. You made him nervous in the best of ways. Your smile, your laugh, hell, your entire presence caused butterflies in his stomach. 

“Hey,” you poked Bucky in the side pulling him away from his thoughts.

“Hm? Sorry, sugar. Got lost in my thoughts.”

You tilted your head to the side and gave him a small smile, “Care to share with the class?”

“Well, uh,” Bucky used his free hand to nervously rub the back of his neck, “I’m just..” he looked down and mumbled something incoherently.

You leaned in closer, “Huh?” you couldn’t quite hear due to the volume of the festival activities.

Bucky cleared his throat, “I’m...nervous.”

Your heart swelled, “Buck, it’s okay. I get it, but there’s nothin’ to be nervous about. It’s just me.”

He shook his head with an empty chuckle, “That’s exactly why I’m nervous. You’re-God, sugar, you’re perfect. You’re the sweetest girl I know and not to mention you’re so damn beautiful. I’m this older, divorced single father. I barely get to spend time with my daughter. I’ve gained a lot of weight so I’m not necessarily attracting positive atten-”

“Hey,” you cupped Bucky’s face, causing him to stop mid-sentence, “I told you, Bucky, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. And for the record, I think you’re an amazing man and father. Life dealt you a bunch of bad cards, but you’re making the best out of it. From what I’ve seen, Becca still adores you and holds no malice towards you. And you think you don’t grab any positive attention ‘cause of how you look? You clearly don’t hear Gladys or Irene talk about wanting to jump your bones.” the mention of the older women’s names made Bucky chuckle, which made you smile, “And your smile is so beautiful, Buck.

Bucky’s head hung low, “Geez. What a way to start our first date, huh, sugar? i told you, I’m a mess.”

You shook your head, “I don’t mind it, Sarge. Not one bit.” you slipped your hand into his again and tugged at, “So, you mentioned you’re a pretty sharp shooter. How ‘bout we test that? Think you can win me one of those giant bears?” you nod towards the game booth where you shoot moving targets. The ultimate prize being a giant bear.

Bucky’s shoulders lifted into a confident stance, “Oh, sugar, I’ll win you ten giant bears!” he then dragged you over to the booth, an excited and determined look on his face, making you giggle. 

_____________________

Bucky didn’t win you ten bears. But he definitely won you two. They were both a lot bigger than the both of you combined. You decided to keep one and let Bucky take the other home for Becca. You were sure she’d appreciate it. 

“I’m gonna be real honest, sugar, the more time I spend with you, the more I wanna kiss ya and hold ya and never let go.”

“Be careful, Sarge. Do that and I’m never leaving your side.”

Bucky squeezed your hand, “Oh I bet on it.”

You both then moved towards the food area. You were completely overwhelmed over the different options of fried foods. Fried oreos, fried hamburgers, fried ice cream. There was even a vendor selling fried alligator!

Bucky nodded towards said booth, “Hey, wanna try alligator?”

You hesitated. The thought was a bit disgusting to you, but you were also curious, “I will if you do.”

“Deal.” he brought you over to an empty table. You both set the big bears on one side of the table and he spoke to the bears, “Alright, fellas, I’m leaving you in charge of this precious cargo here, got it? Nothin’ happens to her.” he looks at you and gives you a wink before he waltz over to the line to get some fried alligator. 

You propped your arm on the table, cheek resting on your hand, dreamingly staring at Bucky. You couldn’t believe how lucky you felt to be on a date with not only a great guy, but the guy you’ve been crushing for the past two years since you’ve been working at the diner. 

Bucky glanced your way and when he caught you staring at him, a big grin appeared on his face. There was that fluttering feeling in his stomach again. 

“Y/N!” your dream-like state was interrupted when you heard your name called. You looked around until you saw Jamie running toward you. 

You caught the six year old and pulled her onto your lap, “Well hey there, Miss Jamie!” 

Peggy came rushing over to you, looking a bit frazzled, “Jamie Ann Rogers! What did I say about running off like that?”

Jamie shrunk into your arms as she mumbled out, “Sorry, mommy.”

Peggy sighed and bent down to kiss her daughter’s head, “It’s alright, sweetheart. Just don’t do it again, alright?” she then turned towards you and smiled, “Hello, Y/N, enjoying your date with James?”

You waved and nodded, “Hey, Peggy, and yes. He won me these two guys,” you gestured to the bears, “and now he’s getting me some fried alligator.”

“Alligator?! Eeeeww!” Jamie exclaimed making you and Peggy laugh.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try is, darling,” Peggy said. 

“Where’s Steve?” you asked.

“Oh, he’ll be here in a bit. He’s coming off a shift.”

“Oh hey, Peg. Hey, Jamie.”

The six year old waved, “Hi Uncle Bucky! You got Y/N alligator?”

Bucky nodded as he sat on the bench beside you, sliding over three different small paper trays, “I got alligator, kangaroo, and snake.”

You laughed in disbelief, “Excuse me?”

He shrugged, “I got curious!” Bucky held up a skewer to you, “Here. This is the alligator.”

You apprehensively lean forward, taking a reasonable bite of the fried meat, chewing it into your mouth. Bucky did the same, keeping eye contact with you as he chewed.

You slowly nodded, “Alright. It’s not bad.,” you said swallowing.

Bucky chuckled, “It literally tastes just like chicken.” He offered it to Jamie, who pulled away in disgust, “Ew! No, Uncle Bucky!” The three of you laughed at her disgust.

You then bit into the kangaroo and that didn’t taste bad either. You couldn’t really explain the taste. You wanted to say it reminded you of a combination of chicken and pork. Snake was the weirdest one out of the three. 

“I don’t even know how to describe it! It’s so weird but so good!” Bucky continued you feed you as you continued to hold onto Jamie, who was now snacking on a hot dog, thanks to her mother. 

When you and Bucky finished, Peggy grabbed her daughter, “Alright, sweetheart, we’re gonna let Y/N and Uncle Bucky continue their date. Say your good-byes.” 

Jamie proceeded to lean forward kissing Bucky’s cheek and then yours, “Bye Uncle Bucky! Bye Y/N! Have fun on your date!” 

You and Bucky grabbed the giant teddy bears and waved good-bye to little Jamie. Bucky then wrapped his arm around your shoulders and nodded towards the ferris wheel, “Wanna go on it?”

You looked at the caged compartments going around in what you thought was a big circular death trap, “Uuuuuhhhh-”

He chuckled, “C’mon. It’ll be fine. I’m a police officer. I’m supposed to make sure you’re safe. So you’ll definitely be okay with me in there.”

You sighed, “Fine, but if we die, I’ll make sure to make your afterlife a not-so living Hell!” 

“Alright. Fair enough.” he practically pushed you towards the line to get into the ferris wheel. As you approached the front, little by little, Bucky felt yourself shaking, “Hey,” you looked at him with frightened eyes and his heart dropped, “Sugar, if you really don’t wanna go on this, we don’t have to. I didn’t mean to force ya-”

You shook your head, “No, Buck. I-I gotta do this. Face my fear, ya know?”

There were about five people ahead of you, “You sure?”

You took deep breath, “Yeah. Just keep holding onto me?”

“I promise I won’t let go.” Once you got into the compartment, you and Bucky set the two bears on the bench across from you. Then you and Bucky settled into the other one. His arm went protectively around you and his other hand held your hand. Bucky whispered reassuring words into your ear, “Sssshhh. It’s okay, sugar. Nothin’s gonna happen to ya. I got you, Y/N. You’re safe.”

You cuddled up into his chest, eyes tightly shut as the ride began to move, “Let me know when we’re at the top.”

“You sure?” you nodded and Bucky said, “Alright.”

Minutes go by and you feel the ride come to a halt. Bucky’s whisper startles you for a second, before you calm down at the sound of his voice, “We’re at the top, sweetheart.” 

You took a deep breath and slowly and you leaned over the grate, peering down at the world below you, “Oooooh no.” you could feel your heart racing, hands becoming clammy, body begin to shake. 

“Hey, hey, sugar, focus on me, okay?” Bucky cupped your face, getting you to look at him, “Look at me, okay? Can you tell me a story?”

You looked at him confused, “What?”

“Just trust me. Tell me a story. Can be about anything you want.”

“U-Uh. Okay. W-When I was first working at the diner, I-I,” 

You whimpered and Bucky shook his head, “You can do it. I got you. You’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you. Keep going.”

You gulped, “I wanted to quit. Some people were rude to me ‘cause I was taking to long with their orders. I was just starting to work there and-and they just wouldn’t gimme a break.”

“Understandable. People are really mean when it comes to their food.”

“You were one of the first people to truly understand that I was just starting and told me to take as much time as I needed. I didn’t need to rush.”

“Well yeah. Not everyone gets the hang of things their first try.”

“You spoke so nicely to me and you thanked me, even if I took to long to refill your coffee. I gave you a cinnamon bun as a thanks and you gave a tip that I didn’t deserve.”

Bucky softly smiled as he recalled that was the first day you two met.

“I knew then that you were my favorite customer, even if I only just met you. Then you kept coming back-”

“The cinnamon buns are really good. I had to keep coming back for more,” Bucky said with a smirk and you chuckled.

“You’re lying and we both know it,” which made both of you giggle.

He leaned forward, forehead resting against yours, “Do you feel better now?”

You nodded and rested your hands on top of his, “Yeah. Thanks, Sarge.”

“You’re welcome, sugar,” Bucky mumbled. He stared into your beautiful Y/E/C eyes. They drew him in like a magnet. His eyes then glanced down to your lips before you closed the minimal distance between you. Your lips pressed against his in an unexpected kiss. For a moment, Bucky was frozen in surprise. You were kissing him??? You were kissing him!!! 

He proceeded to kiss you back, which made you smile in relief. By God, your lips were so soft. 

“YEEEAAAH! I SEE YOU TWO! YOU GET IT!” you hear a group of young teenage boys yelling at you and both of you pulled away to laugh. 

The ferris wheel continued to move and, this time, you weren’t scared. No anymore.

_______________________

Bucky walked you back to your apartment after the comfortable silent ride home. Both of your hands intertwined and resting in your lap throughout the entire ride. 

Bucky sighed as he leaned against the outside wall of your apartment, giant teddy bear in his arms. He then rested his head against the wall as he stared at you, “God, sugar, you don’t know how head over heels I am for ya.”

You stepped closer to him, “I think I’m starting to know,” you then leaned in pressing your lips against his once more. After that first kiss you two shared, you couldn’t stop kissing each other. It was an addiction, one that neither of you didn’t want to be treated. 

Bucky groaned as he pulled away, “I gotta go. It’s late and I don’t wanna keep Wanda up waiting for me.”

You nodded, “It’s alright.” you took the bear from Bucky’s arms and he immediately stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“I had a great time tonight. The best in a while honestly,” he said with a shy smile.

“Me too.”

“So...are you willing to go on another date with me sometime?”

You nodded, “I’d love to. Just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

“Great.” he then leaned in and kissed your cheek, “Good night, sugar. Hope you have the sweetest dreams.”

“Thank you, Bucky. Good night.” you unlocked your door and stepped in, blowing him a kiss before closing it shut. You leaned against the door, completely breathless. This first date, besides your panic attack at the ferris wheel, was perfect. And you couldn’t wait to have more dates with Bucky.

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[rainywritingsx]

Torn • BNHA OC X reader • Chapter 6

words: 3.2K

warnings: none?

look who finally updated her fanfic :D I promise yall I’ve been working on it, writer’s block had just hit yet again which was why I struggled to update more frequently. I’ll hopefully post more often from now on, I’m doing my best. I hope you enjoy this chapter of Torn! 

 Part of me just wanted to laugh at myself. How pathetic… Why was I so worked up about this? I had signed up for this with the sole thought that I was just going to try it out, not that I really wanted to get into UA… But then again, I’d most likely never get the chance to ever do anything hero-like again so if I looked at it that way, doing my best actually was important. This was a once in a lifetime experience and the only way I could make it more fun was by putting effort into passing this exam and showing everyone what I was capable of, even if I would most likely never see them again.

A loud crash caused me to flinch and whip my head around. The same robot that I had been trying to beat the whole time was coming closer to me. At this point I was annoyed, to be honest. When was it just going to leave me alone? I was so tired of it. However, giving up wasn’t an option either. That wouldn’t get me anywhere at all so the least I could do was attempt to beat it.

As I instinctively bit my lip, my eyes scanned over the ground. There was still some water left, which meant that I could still use my quirk for a while. The only issue now was that I didn’t have a plan. I could feel that my heartbeat had sped up at this point. It was like something or someone kept on banging the inside of my chest and it made thinking clearly almost impossible for me. How was I going to get those points? I didn’t have much time left and my mind was completely blank when it came to finding a plan.

A soft sigh escaped my mouth. If I couldn’t even come up with a plan during an exam, how could I ever be good enough to participate in an actual battle? Exactly, I couldn’t. I sighed to myself, ready to give up. I didn’t have much time anyways and I’d never be accepted just by a high score for the theoretical exam.

“Hey you! Stand up straight, won’t you? You’re a hero, not a sloth.” I looked up to find the source of the voice and was incredibly surprised to see the not-so-nice guy I bumped into earlier today. Did he say that to me? I looked behind me only to find nobody else. Wait, why was he saying this to me? Why didn’t he beat the robot himself?

“You’ve got five minutes left to beat that thing over there. Use that quirk of yours and show everyone what you can do!” and before I could say a thing he was gone. To say I was confused was an understatement. He was an interesting character… I didn’t really analyse him earlier today, but he really seemed like a regular guy, whereas his personality was far from that. His words though… Somehow they managed to motivate me a little. Honestly, as of right now I was definitely far from a hero.. But i did want to become one. I wanted to save people, to be a source of happiness for others when they’re sad. Even if it seemed impossible to become a hero with my background, the least I wanted to do was try.

Suddenly this whole day actually mattered to me. I wanted to do my best. I wanted to show my abilities. I wanted to get into this school. I wanted to become a hero. I wanted to win.

But why the heck did I have to realise all of this five minutes before the exam ended?

Anyway, I had to focus on beating that thing instead of pondering about me being a slowpoke. I slowly breathed in, trying to regain strength and pay attention to what was right in front of me. It was now or never. As if on cue little ideas popped up in my head. What if I slammed it to the ground while it was in a bubble? I could do that... Or what if I tried hitting it with water like arms? I’d never practiced that before, though. Playing safe was a better option right now, so I decided to go with the first idea.

I extended my arms and slowly raised them until they were at the height of my chest before gaining focus. I almost managed to put all of the bits of water together when the robot took another huge step towards me which caused the ground beneath me to shake. I let out a frustrated sigh when I realised that I had lost control of my quirk. I couldn’t give into my emotions, though. Letting my feelings get in the way was not going to get me anywhere, so I just had to keep going and concentrate even harder.

As an attempt to calm myself down, I closed my eyed and breathed in slowly. I held my breath for a little and then slowly breathed out. My eyes opened and I realised I was already much more relaxed than before, which truly was a relief. Paying attention would be a lot easier now that I was calm.

I repeated my actions from before, except this time I tried to be more attentive. Still, I couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. I quickly shook my head as a way to push all of those insecure thoughts aside and focused back on trying to defeat that robot. I needed to hurry up, or I wouldn’t get those points at all!

After what felt like eternity (but really it was 10 seconds) I managed to form a bubble which was the perfect size for the robot. Now I just had to try and hope that this plan was actually was going to work out. An overwhelming amount of anxiety slowly filled my body, which made concentrating even harder for me. My hands were shaky as I tried to move the bubble to the robot steadily and I almost leapt through the air when I did it. However, I knew it wasn’t the time to celebrate yet. I had to defeat this robot and get those points and if that was a success, I could celebrate.

With my gaze focused on the robot, I tried slowly lifting it up. That was until a voice suddenly called out.

“Thirty seconds left.” As if they had a mind of their own, my hands almost caused the bubble to drop to the ground. No, I couldn’t throw the robot yet. It wasn’t high enough for the impact of the fall to really knock out the robot, which meant that I wouldn’t get those points at all. At the same time, my heart was pounding, yelling at me to drop the bubble at this instant, while my brain was saying I had to keep going. For once I listened to my mind instead of my heart. As each second passed, I could feel my breathing becoming heavier from how uneasy I was feeling.

“Twenty seconds left.” Would it be possible to run and get the points within ten seconds? It was risky... But it wasn’t high enough yet, so I was certain that I would definitely get nothing if I dropped it now. Come on Janie, just a little more... Just a little longer and when the time was right I was going to use all of the strength within me to smash it to the ground. Stay focused, stay calm. I could do this.

“Ten seconds.” Now! I took a deep breath before raising my arms and pulling them down as quickly and powerfully as I could. My eyes gazed in anticipation, as my hands instinctively went up, preparing for the impact of the drop.

A loud crash was heard.

Then silence.

The realisation that my hands were covering my eyes had only hit when I put them away. My gaze immediately went to the robot and upon seeing that it wasn’t getting up anymore, determination filled my body.

“Five seconds.”

It felt so weird... it seemed as if everything went in slow motion at this instant, as if everything and everyone had stopped. But I had no time to think, as my only goal now was to get those points. My hand quickly reached out and touched the golden coloured ‘S’. Not even a second later, a loud bell was heard which indicated that the exam was over. I chuckled to myself, panting heavily as everything slowly sank in. Did that just happen? A wave of happiness soared through my body, and at this point I started to wonder if I had a second quirk because I felt like I could fly into the sky.

“I did it!” I yelled out as I threw up my hands and let my body rest against the fallen robot. My chest was heaving up and down and my legs were shaking, but I felt like the happiest girl in the universe. I did that! I participated in UA’s entrance exam and I managed to defeat this robot with my quirk. This felt so unreal... Was I dreaming?

“Nope, you’re not, water girl.” A voice said before I felt someone flick my forehead. I whined and looked up to see the guy from earlier. Confusion was pretty evident on my face I think, because he just scoffed before looking away.

“You were talking out loud. Now get up, we have to gather back at the cafeteria.” I couldn’t help but sigh. Really? I was so tired because of all this that I really wasn’t in the mood to walk anywhere.

“Come on, lazy ass. You wanna be a hero, don’t ya? If you can’t even walk, will you even become one?” while he was right, there was still a question lingering in my mind. I slowly got up, ignoring my burning legs as I followed the boy.

“Uh, why did you say that earlier?” I asked, feeling a bit shy as I didn’t really know this guy.

“You would’ve gotten in trouble if you ended up asle-“

“No. I mean, when I was trying to defeat that robot. You encouraged me.” He didn’t say a word. Why was he acting so strange? Wait... he didn’t know who I was, right? Oh my goodness, what if my parents found out about all this and sent him to keep an eye on me? Or he was someone from the villain school that saw me walking towards UA? What if he was a serial killer that lured in young girls and-

“Hey, Yagami, you were awesome out there, dude.” Out of curiosity my head turned to see a guy walking up to us. So this boy next to me was named Yagami? The unfamiliar guy walked up to ‘Yagami’ before high fiving and hugging him. That was the moment that he noticed me standing there.

“Ooh~ who is this lovely lady here?” He asked teasingly as he took a few steps closer to me. It was impossible to hide the faint blush on my cheeks, but could you blame me? I was not used to getting attention from boys in any way, except for conversations and annoying teasing from my brothers. The boy standing in front of me was tall, had orange eyes which had sparkles that radiated mischief. A big smile was plastered on his face and his navy blue hair was tied in a small ponytail, but a few strands were hanging loose. Compared to his friend, who just had brown eyes and a black haired bowl cut, he was really standing out.

“Wait a sec, is this your girlfriend?” the unknown boy smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows, which only made me blush deeper.

“No, no! We just met today...” I trailed off and desperately looked at Yagami to support me. In this situation he was the person I trusted most and I had no idea how to deal with this guy.

“Your jokes aren’t funny, Suzuki-san.”

“Ah, how many times do I need to tell you, no need to be so formal with me? We’ve been friends for years, man!”

“You constantly following me like a lost puppy since kindergarten don’t make us friends.” Ouch... Poor guy, I felt bad for him. What surprised me though, was that ‘Suzuki’ was completely unfazed as his happy mood didn’t drop at all.

“Don’t worry, he’ll realise it one day.” He whispered to me. “I’m amazing, he can’t resist me.” I guess he was right... I mean he didn’t cut off contact with him so that’s a good sign?

“So, why don’t you introduce me to this lady?”Suzuki asked Yagami, who just stared back at him, emotion completely absent in his gaze.

“I have no idea what her name is.” Suzuki’s mouth formed an “O” shape before his gaze went back to me.

“I’m K-“wait, using my real name was a bad idea. That made me remember, I used a fake last name when I signed up for this entrance exam. Using that was best for now since you never knew who did and didn’t know certain things. My first name wasn’t that common, but it raised less suspicion than my last name.

“Kagura Janie, it’s nice to meet you Suzuki-san and Yagami-san.” I said and made a small formal bow. Suzuki chuckled and spoke up.

“Ah, please drop the honorifics. We’re the same age and you’re basically our friend now!” he said before wrapping arm around my shoulder and pulling me against him. I’m their friend? Really?

“Suzuki, friendship doesn’t work that way. It is built on-“

“What do you mean, man? Isn’t it fun to start a friendship like this? I can’t wait to get to know you, Kagura!” I couldn’t help but smile at his words. His friendly attitude managed to lift up the whole mood, despite Yagami’s pessimistic remarks.

“Let’s just go. We need to leave, the exam is over.” Yagami spoke before starting to walk without looking back. Suzuki sighed and looked back at me.

“Sorry about him, Yagami is a strange guy. He’s a really cool friend and laidback once you get to know him, but this whole entrance exam has him all uptight and stressed.” Trying to imagine Yagami all happy and smiley was hard... But since I wasn’t the one that had known him for years, I decided to believe Suzuki and nodded.

“Anyway, maybe we should go indeed?” I suggested, to which he nodded.

“Gosh my body is dying! I want to go home and just watch cartoons and sleep.” A giggle left my mouth at his dramatic tone before we both started walking. I like these guys...

As we walked, my mind started to wander. Did Suzuki mean it when he said they were my friends now? I’d love to have friends, of course... But did they really want to? And how does friendship even work? What if I’m a horrible friend? What if they find out who I really am? They’re students who want to become pro-heroes so of course they wouldn’t react well to a villain. Maybe I shouldn’t get close to them; it would only end up in pain... And while I would love to have friends, I knew that it wasn’t worth it if it meant they ended up hurt. Explaining it all was unnecessary, though. Chances of seeing them again were really small anyway.

As we got closer to the cafeteria, I saw more and more people who were talking about the entrance exam. A small smile played on my lips as little parts of their conversation were heard. Maybe the fact that I never was close to anyone was the reason that I found people in general so interesting. Observing them and seeing everyone’s uniqueness was just something so precious. Humans are such interesting creatures and we don’t even realise it. Just like animals, we have eyes, noses, lips, hairs, I could go on. But unlike animals, humans are still all visibly different.

“That was so fun!”

“Oh my, I totally screwed up! There’s no way that I’ll get into UA...”

“According to my calculations, chances of me getting into UA are about 1.64%... Eh, I can live with that.”

“Did you see the guys here? They’re so hot... I have to get into this school!”

As my gaze went to the clock, I realised it was getting pretty late already. It was 2:20pm; would any sane person stay at the gym for that long? My parents would definitely not buy that.

“Hey Suzu-” I turned around only to see that Suzuki wasn’t there. Instead, Yagami was standing next to me. I immediately closed my mouth and turned away from him. He was kind of intimidating... His gaze was just piercing through me.

“If you’re wondering when you can leave; you can go home now, just notify one of the teachers.” My head tilted in confusion as my eyebrows furrowed. How did he know I was going to ask that?

“Uh... T-thank you...” I managed to say, before awkwardly saying goodbye and leaving. Part of me wanted to look for Suzuki to say goodbye, but then I remembered I wasn’t supposed to get close to him or Yagami at all. I mean; maybe I wouldn’t even be accepted into UA. The practical exam seemed to have gone well, whereas the theoretical part was incredibly difficult.

Wait...

Weren’t the scores up in the sky during the exam? Did I forget to see how many points I received by beating that robot? I stopped in my tracks and face palmed me. Why was I so stupid? Now I had to wait until I received the results and lord knows when that will happen.

Before I knew it, I was back home, away from all of the pro-heroes, away from the future students that gave their all to be the best, away from the fantastic atmosphere, away from what already felt like home.

Arriving at my real ‘home’ felt incredibly odd. My parents weren’t home and I honestly didn’t even want to know what they were up to. My brothers were just gaming, not moving in the slightest when I entered the living room. I decided to let them be, as it wasn’t like we ever really talked any way.

It really felt like I was in two different dimensions today. One felt warm, familiar, cosy and lovely meanwhile the other one was cold, strange, lonely and silent. Part of me already felt homesick which clearly proved where I really wanted to be.

Without saying a word I went up to mine and my twin brother’s  room, tossing my bag on my bed before throwing myself on it as well, landing on my stomach. Today was tiring to say the least, but it definitely was an experience I’d never forget. Even if I didn’t get in, which I was pretty sure of, being a part of the exam itself already felt like an immense honour to me.

As I drowned in my thoughts, I could feel sleep slowly but surely taking over me. Before I knew it, I ended up in a deep slumber, finally closing today’s chapter and feeling incredibly excited to see what tomorrow had to offer.

[hardgarbage]

alright. alright. listen.

I’m late to the sasuke discourse by like a decade and I will be reALLY flabberghasted if no one has said this already but I’m going to say it anyway bc it matters to me. just so you know I’m only up to ep 240 or smth of shippuden so like. there’s a lot of shit I still ain’t know but

up until this point I really think that the majority of sasuke’s actions are understandable. like. he’s in the midst of a psychotic break yall. all this talk from karin about how he’s not the same and his chakra is so cold now and all that like. the boy’s fuckin broken.

under the cut cuz this shit got *long*

1st off, lets just set one thing straight. sasuke is sixteen years old by the time he murders danzo. sixteen. should we go over what’s happened to him in his life up until sixteen years old?:

lives in a restrictive household constantly seeking his withdrawn father’s approval, watches his beloved brother get sadder and sadder the more he’s forced into Clan Shit, loses everyone he knows--think about that. this kid isn’t just an orphan, he lost everyone. aunts, uncles, cousins, playmates, neighbors, shopkeepers and then his whole fucking TOWN is BULLDOZED TO THE GROUND!! he can’t even go back to any of it just to have some sense of the community he came from!! he lost everything--and lost everything at the hands of his brother, who has been his one source of constant pride, and that brother then says he was just using sasuke, that their relationship was never anything but someone utilizing a tool. he loses every shred of everything he’s ever known and then is placed in an apartment by himself to carry on.

I can only imagine how much of that first year or two he spent crying in his apartment, alone. how tired he must have gotten of crying when no one was there to comfort him. like. we see him in school afterwards and he’s brilliant, obviously, but he has no friends. probably the other kids didn’t know how to handle the gloom of his depression and avoided him, much like they avoided naruto. 

during this time he only has one connection, or in naruto-speak, one bond left: and that’s his bond with his brother. the only remaining tie to everything he used to be. and that tie is just sadness turned to hatred bc sadness is debilitating whereas anger is often productive, even if not in the best way. he was given no other option. he was a child, severely depressed and traumatized, and was given no help to build new ties to replace the ones he lost. bc he was doing so well in the academy, I doubt ppl worried about him as much as they really should have.

he gets assigned to team 7 at age 12. he basically has to make friends at this point bc it’s the only way to move forward. he starts making friends, bonds, he grows. but yall he only spends a year on team 7. sasuke was, tops, six years old when the Uchiha Massacre went down. like the ratio of “time to fester in isolation and hatred” and “time to make friends and chill maybe” is not great yall.

so it makes complete sense that the thing with orochimaru showing up at the chunin exams would be enough to shake any progress he’d made. he’s scared, and the last time he was that scared, his entire family and community was wiped off the face of the earth.

all the power-grabbing and rejection of newly made bonds that comes after is because of that. because of his fear AND bc really? he hasn’t known this people very long. one year compared to the six he’s spent getting over his extreme depression by transmuting it into hatred? that’s just not enough yall.

he goes to orochimaru. and that man surely didn’t do sasuke’s mental health any favors. he spends three years with orochimaru. again, it makes absolute sense that he would really truly abandon his bonds by then--again bonds that were only formed in one year. 

he makes taka, he fights itachi, he wins.

if things had gone the way itachi intended, I really think he would have gone back to konoha. we see it briefly later but he would have been completely hollow after killing itachi. like. that was it. that was all he wanted, the last and only bond to the past that he had. I think it’s only then that he would remember he really did make new bonds, and bc he had nothing left I think he would have pursued them. itachi may have laid on the revenge plot a little thick, but in the end I think he was right, and if he had been allowed to take that secret to the grave, we’d have a very different sasuke story.

but instead he learns the truth. everything shatters.

all the years he spent pursuing this goal, every sacrifice he’d made, all the shit he’d gone through and all the suffering he’d done, had only driven him betray his loving brother--his kind, paternal, hero of a brother. his whole life was made into a story of depression and trauma, his hero brother villainized, ostracized and hated, his entire community--even the most innocent--murdered for some political bullshit. how could he not break? in the face of that monument of hatred and betrayal how could he ever think to go back to his old life?

and so we get to where I’m at. sasuke on a rampage bc he’s trained in revenge, he knows how to do that and at this point it’s the only thing he knows. he fights in a way that says “either I kill you or I die and I don’t care which”. lives become inconsequential--his was, wasn’t it? itachi’s was. his entire clan’s was. nothing and no one matters, except that he do the only thing he knows to do, which is kill the people he holds responsible, and anyone who gets in his way.

up until now, especially when sasuke was a kid, I was very much on the “lol sasuke’s a little bitch” train but yall. this all makes sense to me. I don’t really think any of this is an overreaction. given what guidance he had, which was not a whole fuckin lot huh, and the history he comes from, what other options did he have except something like suicide?

idk. like I said other people have probably said all of this a thousand times before but I just wanted to say all of it myself bc like. idk. sympathy for the products of mental illness is my thing I guess. 

and none of this is to say like “yeah let’s just give sasuke a pass on his bullshit” like. nah. his actions may be understandable, but they’re still not good and that’s still on him--that’s still something he should have to make up for. I guess I’m just not here to make fun of or belittle his pain anymore. it’s just. it makes sense.

[eternalsterekrecs]

hi! i love fics where stiles can use magic but i've literally worked through your entire magic stiles tag. do yall have any new recommendations! thanks!!!

Oh boy, you’re in for a ride!

MAGIC STILES FIC LIST OF DOOM

Melt Together by SmallBirds

A supernatural heatwave has descended upon Beacon Hills, much to Stiles’ chagrin.

First Impressions by Kedreeva

Derek is a teacher at an all-werewolf school after the revolution. After seeing one of his students, Erica, get into a car with an unknown runecaster, Derek begins to suspect something terrible is going on.

No One Could Love You More by MellytheHun

Stiles begrudgingly comes to Derek’s rescue during a coven-hunt, thinking Derek needs a regular, common healing only to find he may lose Derek and anything they could have been.

i’m the alpha by triggeringthehealing

“I don’t care about power. Not anymore.”Looking back at what he said once, and what the truth was before he did, only the first part of his words was ever completely true.

To Ashes by triggeringthehealing

It’s nothing but tiny black particles of dust, staining his hands — he remembers how it took weeks to get the colour out of his skin after the time at Jungle.

All Is Lost Again (But I’m Not Giving In) by coppersin

The nightmares aren’t real. They can’t possibly be real. But people keep dying and Stiles is genuinely losing his mind. And he can’t seem to open his mouth and just tell someone.

Your Mark on My Skin by pterawaters

Despite everyone telling him not to, Stiles takes his wizard’s vision seriously and tattoos the image from his dream onto his wrist. When he runs across a man with the same symbol emblazoned on his back, Stiles knows he can’t let the mysterious stranger get away. Maybe it’s wrong to use the werewolf’s fugitive status against him, but Stiles knows he only has one option. If he gives Derek a disguise, but doesn’t bind the spell to himself, there’s nothing else to keep Derek from running away at the first opportunity. Of course Stiles had to pick the one obscure face that Lord Jackson knew from his childhood. In a land run by a king bent on killing all the werewolves he can find, the only way to keep Lord Jackson from asking questions is for Derek to play Stiles’ lover. Once that happens, well maybe the situation starts to get out of control.

Your Smile Gets Me Higher Than an Airplane Ever Could by crossroadswrite

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Scott tries diplomatically, “the Hales are still waiting for Derek and Laura. Apparently they’re on the same plane home as Stiles.”

“Hot Hale Twins are coming back?” Stiles says a little surprised.

–OR–

The one where it’s very late, Stiles is stucked in an airport and bored out of his mind until he bumps into Laura Hale. And then into her Hot Twin Brother Derek Hale.

There’s handholding and a little bit of magic involved, it’s all pretty gross.

The Boy Who Drew Wolves by dr_girlfriend

“Once upon a time,” Stiles began, and Thomas sighed happily, resting his cheek in the hollow of Stiles’ shoulder. “There was a gangly, clumsy, freckle-faced young boy, and a beautiful, majestic wolf —”

“You mean, there was a beautiful, brilliant, amber-eyed boy, and a half-starved, mangy-looking wolf,” a voice interrupted. “It looks like I made it just in time, huh?” Derek said with a conspiratorial smirk at Thomas. “Gotta make sure you tell it right.”

“Yeah, Daddy!” Thomas parroted. “Tell it right!”

“Okay, okay,” Stiles sighed, settling his arm across Thomas with his hand resting on his husband’s waist, thumb drawing an absent-minded little circle. “Once upon a time, there was a probably-going-to-grow-into-his-looks-just-fine young boy, and a very lonely wolf…”

Red by Littleredridinghunter

When Stiles was eight his mother died. When Stiles was ten his father was shot and he was taken into child services. Stiles never made it to eleven.

The Hale pack survives Kate but she has plans to come back and take revenge.

When another pack contacts the Hales for help, they go, despite the fact the Alpha is crazy and his mate is a monster.

safe and sound by thepsychicclam

When the Pack is attacked by an enemy Pack, Stiles and Derek end up on the run, in a stolen car, and spend the night in a crappy motel.

sparks by thepsychicclam

Derek is a librarian at one of the few supernatural universities in the country, and his student worker turns out to be none other than grad student Stiles. And it doesn’t take long before they start dating. Stiles is a gifted spark, but he keeps hanging out with people who are into dark magic, and Derek’s worried.

Sometimes It Just Works by MellytheHun

“Fic where, in a fit of post-break-up, drunken depression, stiles throws together a truly pathetic love spell (really, Lydia would be so unimpressed she’d probably disband their weekly magic lessons) in an attempt to find the perfect partner.

But, like everything else in Stiles’ life (and as proof to how much joy the universe gets pulling one over on him) everything goes horribly wrong and instead of the feathery light, rose petal path he’d been expecting to appear and lead him to his true love, a half naked man with harlequin biceps and a beard that could rival most lumber jacks appears in his minimalist studio apartment looking grumpy and endearingly confused.

Cue Stiles’ imminent freak out that includes shoving the man in his hall closet because “Oh my god, I manifested a burly mountain man out of thin air!!”

When really, the spell had just transported Derek from whatever secluded cabin he’d been holed up in for the last few years right into Stiles’ life.”

Stiles Stilinski, Magical PI by suzvoy

Stiles is a Private Investigator, only not really. He’s also magical, but only close up. One thing he’s really good at is lusting over people from afar, which is why it’s a problem when Laura Hale hires him to help her brother.

Where Lightning Strikes by andavs

Scott finally held out his phone, showing whichever picture he decided was the best. Stiles squint-glared at that and waited for his foggy brain to catch up. When it did, his heart skipped a beat.

Burned into the wheat field, in a way Stiles was pretty sure was notnormal for crop circles, were two concentric circles.

McCall Pack.

“I think it’s Kira,” Scott said, clear and concise. “I think she needs help.“

*

Scott and Stiles head back down to Mexico to find Kira and end up finding a little more.

As the Lights Go Down by standinginanicedress

Stiles is standing there looking bizarre – which maybe isn’t a very nice thing or even a convincing thing to say about a person that Derek’s basically invited over to hook up with (whatever that even fucking means to kids these days) – but he…does. He’s wearing dark jeans, a black hoodie with the hood pulled up so Derek can’t even really see his face aside from his mouth and jawline, and he’s got that metal baseball bat in his fingers again.

He looks like he’s come here to literally beat Derek to death.

Then, he grins, lifts one shoulder up in a half shrug, and says, “I can’t come in until you invite me.”

Derek is mystified enough that all he can say is, “really?” He thought that was a vampire thing.

clenching my jagged jaws (over the capture) by Marishna

Derek Hale was never supposed to be alpha, but he’s a good one. He doesn’t need any help and he definitely doesn’t need an emissary.

Stiles Stilinski is Derek Hale’s emissary and come hell or high water he’s going to see the Hale pack through the impending arrival of the alpha pack, even if it means he can never return to Beacon Hills after.

Hale Monster Sweets by bleep0bleep

The guy is back again. Derek watches curiously from his counter, idly keeping an eye on the teenaged vampires trying to decide on a type from the blood popsicle selection. The guy outside the store is a little pale and lanky, with a cute upturned nose and a sprinkle of moles on his pale face, not that Derek didn’t notice the first time he stopped in the middle of the bustling street to stare at Derek’s store sign, which he wasn’t supposed to be able to do.

[Hilary Duff Lyric Redacted] by calrissian18

Stiles hadn’t been in Beacon Hills in five years, hadn’t seen Derek in nearly as long, when he got the text:

New number: (+530) 365-2421

or

An abundance of overeating and geekery, dangerous caffeine/sugar cereal addictions, surprise werewolves, bird insults, purple-eyed shrimp, reincarnated serial killers (it’s cool, he has a leash), poorly played professional baseball, and a love story. In that order.

the spark within by triggeringthehealing

Stiles is more than just a spark, but when he starts learning magic, it feels like there’s something stopping him. He has magic in him, but despite the guidance from two experienced Druids, it still feels like it’s failing to wake up. He’s magic, but the spark that he needs is out of reach.

Blackbird by skoosiepants

Stiles groans and drops his face into his hands. “I’m seventeen, I can kind of use mountain ash and I can explode houses when I’m mad enough. How am I gonna win any kind of magic fight?”

“We’ll work on it,” Deaton says, as infuriatingly calm as ever. “The important thing to remember, Stiles, is that when everything else is chaos, you’re the port in the storm.”

Or-

Laura Hale never died, and Stiles is magic.

Everything Under the Moon by standinginanicedress

“Just go in and buy him something and attach a note that says, like, I don’t know,” she flips a curl over her shoulder, “let’s bone.”

Derek looks up at the sky and purses his lips. Doesn’t dignify that with a response. There’s no way in hell Derek is going to attach some dinky little note to Stiles’ gift that is either as crass as Erica’s suggestion or as humiliating as something he could come up with himself – no fucking way in hell.

But she does have a point. Stiles’ birthday is coming and Derek is shit out of luck and shit out of ideas for ways to make Stiles see him as anything more than just Derek. The way Stiles looks at him sometimes, it’s like he has no fucking idea.

Striking Matches by castielblues & eeyore9990

Stiles has only ever wanted to protect his family and his pack. That’s not easy to do when you’re human and sarcasm is your only defense. Now Deaton is telling Stiles he’s a spark, and if that’s a weapon in his arsenal, he’s sure as hell going to learn to use it.

All Stiles needs now, to complete his transformation into a true badass, is a training montage and a decent soundtrack…

Medicine Man by MellytheHun

Prompt: Person B knowing they’re undoubtedly about to die within the next few seconds, likely from the gaping wound they’re bleeding out from. Instead of calling for help, they phone Person A and carry on a casual conversation as if nothing is wrong, making sure to mention how much they love them before their time runs out.

Night Owl (series) by Lissadiane

Confession: Stiles is afraid of having magic.

The Spark had been cool. It had been small, manageable. He could do some funky stuff with Mountain Ash, all with the power of belief.

And now here he is, his Spark blown wide open, apparently coming down with a fatal case of magical overload, and all that stands between him and bleeding out is a grumpy owl that looks suspiciously like a feathered version of Derek Hale.

(In which Stiles learns he’s a witch, but instead of a wand and a trip to Diagon Alley, he gets blood magic, a grumpy and reluctant owl as his companion, and an accidental blood bond with Derek Hale.)

bend bridges, mend bones by Thealmostrhetoricalquestion

They burst through the portal in a gust of stale air and violet light, landing hard on the outskirts of a swamp. Stiles feels his knees buckle, both from the magic required to keep the portal open and from the force of their landing, but he grits his teeth, determined to stay standing in the presence of Derek Hale and his pack. Christ, it would be just his luck to rocket through his own portal at neck-breaking speeds and collide face-first with a puddle of sticky, disgusting mud.

Thankfully that doesn’t happen, which is good because Stiles can’t really afford to add useless to the list of things that Mage’s are; untrustworthy cowards, meddlers, monsters.

(In which there’s an awful lot of fighting, people learn to trust people, and Stiles saves the day. Repeatedly. Over and over again. And he would like some credit, goddamnit, Derek.)

Birdhouse In Your Soul by asocialfauxpas

Stiles’ magic is growing out of control and he must bond with a supernatural creature to keep from exploding. Yes, seriously.

And We’ll Be Complicated by ingberry

Stiles already had his hands full with the case he was working on for the enigmatic Mrs. B. He really didn’t need this too, but there was no changing the fact that he no longer remembered Derek Hale or anything connected to him. And no one could figure out why.

All My Kingdoms Turn to Sand by elisera

The real question is what Stiles wants. If he’s looking forward to seeing Derek again because they’ll complete what they started a long time ago or if Stiles is nervous because he’s feeling apprehensive. There’s a real possibility that he told the pack to finally send Derek up in order to tell him thanks, but no thanks. A lot can happen in six years; people change and grow apart and it isn’t like they were allowed to talk.

Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset by whiskey_in_tea

Stiles leaves Beacon Hills on a Sunday morning. Lydia’s run the numbers and it’s not a sure thing by any stretch of the imagination, but supernatural evil seems mostly inclined to take the Lord’s day to rest just like humans do. He won’t make it back before Monday night but that’s okay, unless whatever comes after them is the actual apocalypse they should be all right— and if it’s the apocalypse his meager skills won’t be of much use anyway. Just go, Scott said while Stiles and Lydia dithered over lunar calendars and statistics, charts and graphs of every awful thing that’s rolled through Beacon Hills since they activated the Nemeton ten months ago. Who the fuck knows what’s coming, Stiles, you just have to go.

Among the Famous Living Dead by standinginanicedress

“Okay,” Stiles leans over the book, finger on his chin, while Derek stands there beside him with a frown on his face, “we have the pig’s blood.”

“They loved that at the butcher shop,” Derek mutters, rubbing his hand along his jaw. “I’ll take three quarts of pig’s blood. Not like this town doesn’t already think I’m some sort of fucking pervert anyway.”

“We have the hair you picked off his clothes,” Stiles points to the tiny Ziploc bag with a handful of Scott hairs tucked safely inside, and Derek grimaces. “We have the candles. We have the snake. Now we just need an object of the deceased.” He furrows his brow as he leans over the book some more, cocking his head. “It says the object can be anything that was deeply personal to the deceased. Like a piece of sentimental jewelry or a cherished trinket or even a favorite song.”

Derek snorts. “Yeah. Let’s just listen to fucking Blink-182 and summon the devil.”

“Right?” Stiles laughs, high and hysterical, manic almost.

Derek laughs, and Stiles laughs, and it’s not funny. It’s really not funny.

Aching for You by LittleRedEmissary

When Stiles tries to cast a protection spell on Derek and accidentally casts a spell much stronger than either of them expected, the duo has to relearn everything that they’ve learned about protecting the pack, because the old methods won’t do anymore. With the infamous Winchesters coming to town Derek hopes that the hunters will just drive through town, but the pack has never been good that laying low.

Emissary by dragon_temeraire

To keep the peace, Stiles agrees to be emissary to the Hale pack.

In Which a King and a Mage Dance by mikkimouse

Mage Stilinski sidled up next to him. “I thought I told you to call me Stiles, Your Majesty.”

Derek’s face warmed at the memory. He turned his attention back to the crowd. “I’m afraid now is not the place for such familiarity.”

“Such a shame,” Stiles said. “I do so love familiarity.”

The warmth on Derek’s face turned to heat. “I’m sure you do.”

By Fang and Fury (series) by grimm

He doesn’t come to The Beacon to pick up people. It’s precisely the reason why he doesn’t go anywhere else. People in this neighborhood know him, know he’s not interested in being hit on, which allows him to have a drink in peace. Derek knows he’s good-looking, but the type of people it attracts disgust him. At least other werewolves can smell the unfriendliness on him and stay away, but that doesn’t stop everyone. He went to a gay bar with his coworker Isaac once and it was horrifying.

Like James Dean, Only Sadder by 42hrb

The star of the Beacon Hills High School baseball team and Beacon Hills resident bad boy probably have nothing in common, right?

Deputy Derek Hale, Alpha by eldee

Deputy Derek Hale has recently become an alpha, and that changes things for him. Now that he’s back after a leave of absence, he’s hoping to get what he and Stiles had almost-started back on track. The thing is, it seems Stiles is going through some changes of his own and Derek’s not sure how he fits.

Fall Right Back to You (series) by yodasyoyo

My version of season 4 (which I still haven’t watched) and how Derek and Stiles finally fell for each other.

Clarity is told from Stiles POV: After his possession by the Nogitsune he is consumed by guilt and plagued by nightmares. Then he touches a magical artifact and ends up absorbing Derek into his subconscious.

Remedy is told from Dereks POV: In the aftermath of Clarity they are struggling to deal with the demon that has been unleashed on Beacon Hills and Derek is coming to terms with his past and his feelings for Stiles.

Filter Out the Starlight by skoosiepants

“Why are you not more curious about me?” Stiles says when Derek’s got the door half open, sun spilling over the dark wood, dust motes spinning about his legs. Stiles is wearing fabric that hasn’t been invented yet, he’s clutching a smart phone to his chest, and he appeared out of nowhere, like an angel.

Softly, Derek says, “We all have our secrets,” and closes the door.

Or-

A heartbroken Stiles accidentally travels back in time to find his one true love. A harlequin-ish Christmas romance.

all stories deserve an end by bleep0bleep

No one hardly ever comes up to this area of the forest, especially with the rumors of the “mad wizard.” Stiles encourages the rumor, because it means people leave him alone. It’s a good, solitary existence as long as Stiles pretends the aching loneliness in his heart isn’t there.

Children’s Tales by artemis69

Be careful, little girl.

Don’t go causing troubles in Beacon Hills, because the Hales live there, little girl.

Keep away from Beacon Hills, little girl, or the Hales will destroy you.

–

Or:In a world where the Hales are alive and the protectors of the town of Beacon Hills, the humans politely fake ignorance of their not-really-human status, and they all live happily ever after.

Then Kate comes in.

Well.

Tries to.

Incantation Ink (series) by otter

The tattoo parlor didn’t look like much. The apprentice who was supposed to be inking Derek’s new magical tattoo wasn’t immediately confidence-inspiring either.

I’ll Be Home for Next Year, Darling by crossroadswrite

“What year is it?” he asks, because well. It happened to Marty McFly right? And werewolves are real so-

“Time travel isn’t real,” Derek says immediately.

Stiles huffs because fine he doesn’t want to cooperate Stiles will just have to rub his point all over Derek’s face until he gets it.

“It’s July 12th of 2010.”

“It’s 2003,” Derek counters.

Wolf Back by write_light

Sterek AU with an Evil King and his Loyal Huntsman, men and wolves, loss and pain, mercy and trust, and one very enigmatic Mirror on the wall.

Magical Storm by Electricviolinist & Marbleeyes

A roar reverberated through the air. Not just any roar; a werewolf roar.

“About fucking time!” exclaimed Stiles. He was going to let Scott win when they next played Mario Karts.

The door to his jeep was yanked open and Stiles realised it wasn’t Scott who had come to save him. It was Derek Hale. A very wet Derek Hale. Stiles mind immediately headed south into an ‘R’ rated place; the wet t-shirt Derek was wearing was very tight.

“You’re back,” was all he could think to say.

Derek didn’t reply, because he was an antisocial dick. Instead he asked: “Does this piece of crap still drive?”

“Uh, yes,” Stiles cried, massively offended on the behalf of his beautiful jeep.

“Then drive. Now!”

…

It was a pretty normal day for Stiles, except then there was rain and monsters and witches and Derek Hale. All because Derek Hale’s type is psychotic. And apparently, Stiles is stuck right in the very centre of it.

Mortal Peril On the Side by Brigantine

Stiles and Derek figure things out. Sheriff Stilinski remains remarkably calm. Stiles gets some advice from two of his mother’s friends.

The Coming of Spring by A_Diamond

Snow melts beneath Stiles’s boots as he walks, each step revealing a patch of dark brown beneath the thin blanket of white. He can’t see it yet through the trees, but he knows the cottage is there.

[hongism]

WELL WHAT DO YOU EXPECT WHEN YOU WRITE THEM SO WELL HUH CALY

Only semi kidding

I did decide though! But they were all so good. However I was never going to choose the Hawk because I was vibing with that threat at the end. And the fox? Yes i would like to play a game of hide and seek so no I will not be choosing you. Also I just wanna say I was mostly kidding about the degradation kink thing lol but I did end up choosing him (the leopard). I was originally torn between the raven and the bear. I would have also been torn between them and the hound but I got a little nervous like what if mc lies a lot maybe we should keep our distance hahahaha THE WOLF THOUGH. I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND CHOOSE HIM. I'd like to inform you I am quite indecisive anyway, but it certainly isn't helpful when all the options are equally good lol

ALSO before I even saw that you wanted us to base the decision on the letters and not our bias, I decided I didn't want to be biased so I didn't reread the character intros and couldn't remember who was who whatsoever. I did mostly figure it out as I read and reread all the letters, but by that time I'd pretty much settled on my decision. Also if it was based purely on the item we'd have to wear (which I did not take into account at all) I would have chosen the raven or the hound I think

Either way I don't care who ends up winning the poll because in the end I'm just super excited for this!!

-rolypoly

HKLSLHKJFDKJHDF SCREAMS i luv u rolypoly PLS!!!! everyone wants to play games with hawk and fox but what would happen if yall got them stuck in the same room then what u gonna do huh 🧐

screaming ‘what if mc lies a lot’ WELL YOU KNOW ME. MY MCS TEND TO BE ROTTEN LIARS SEW MAYBE UR ONTO SOMETHING. like i said im horrifically indecisive i dont think i could have chosen just one myself like but the others but there’s so many options 🥲 we’ll have to see how it pans out in this first night tho hmhm 🧐🧐 you’re so dedicated tho stahp i luv that tho that’s amazing 😭 if it were based solely on item.... damn I DIDN’T THINK OF THAT EITHER. that makes it harder for me bc i like jewelry i’d wanna wear it all :’)

we’ll see who won v soon eheh 👀

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 7: “Bottoms deserve rights!” - Jinx

MERGE MY BELOVED <3 LOOK AT ME NOT GETTING VOTED OUT, LOVE TO SEE IT

---

This challenge is cool but I feel like we just totally got played

All four of the original Llih tribe members are all together here, this might've been the plan all along to vote for us and save Mikki and Raffy

Either way it rules and if that was the big mind game from everyone then props to them! They did good

hey y’all it’s grey! long time no see i know. let’s get caught up, shall we? so last time i saw y’all i was at the outhouse and girlllll lemme tell you some shit went down since then. so benj gets super idoled out, and i’m shook as fuck. sad to see him go but AT LEAST it wasn’t chris. so i get back to camp and they give us a reward challenge and i’m not able to do it bc i have to work, so they finish the challenge and i’m sure we’re about to have an immunity challenge bc duh merge at 11, but NOOOOO of course autumn dumps this NASTY ass twist and i have to go to this ugly ass tribe with people i DONT FUCKING KNOW. literally by myself with two ppl from one tribe and two people from another. i was like “oh lord this is it for me.” but immediately joey and lily c are like “we don’t want vote you” and i’m like “oh wig” and it’s a glorious day except not bc i don’t really get to have a say in the vote, they just vote blake out which isn’t a problem in my eyes, to be honest, i kept hearing he was messy so BYE BYE BLAKEY. and finally FINALLY we make it to the merge and i have NEVER been happier to be back with my og tua babes, i missed jude and jinx SO MUCH and i finally finally get to talk to monty and captain. <3 #crey. first night in merge and i’m already getting into a showmance. except it’s kind of a fauxmance bc we haven’t even spoken to each other LMFAOOOOOO. we just flirt in the hill house. omg. hill house and chill? LOL. anyway yeah i’m hoping i can convince these ppl to give monty immunity so we don’t have to worry about anyone else slipping away with it, bc i want as many options open as possible for this next tribal. i’m still upset that i didn’t get anything from the outhouse but oh well, we going into merge raw. i have to touch base with monty so see where his head is at but i’m pretty sure it’s unspoken that we’re gonna work together. so i have three paths. i could stick with og tua 4, i couid go with monty and be a slightly sneaky pair, or i could play the reverse psychology become a showmance w captain angle. i guess we’ll have two see how this vote plays out. i don’t want to get too comfortable bc that’s when things go wrong but yes. hopefully it all works out. <3 until next time, Grey.

WOOHOO I’M VULNERABLE AND I DIDN’T GET THE ADVANTAGE CAUSE IM AN IDIOT WOOHOO

---

What I want to try and do is not overly push, I know i’m going to get votes (RIP perfect game), but I want to make sure it isn’t me going and now we just hope and pray to the Survivor Gods that Lily O working 9 to 5 doesn’t give us a chance to parton her for being slightly inactive

first of all lemme say its a shame raffy ended up immune but i figure thats just happening for the sake of shaking it up

but second i have to say. i am LOVING mikki's energy holy shit. i feel just like an instant connection and i think its a crime on autumn's part that we never ended up together until now. both last night and tonight we've had big lengthy dm convos and it just feels so relaxing to talk to her. forget joey she's my new FTC buddy <3

https://voca.ro/1acJjlqdL2d0 this cone makes no sense I apologise sahjashjas

Joey rushing to make alliances and all is so funny to me; he had one made with me/Mikki although Im not too sure how reliable it is given what he is doing. Nevertheless for the challenge, my biggest concern was that we make it obvious we're all together and it makes it easier for them to target us and sure enough it seems like we did that. On one end, I would've liked to found a way to not get targeted but at the same time, I think it makes it fun. Plus, we saved Raffy in the process and if I have to make it clear they wanted Raffy out then so be. Anyways, welcome to Autumn's World

Being in the bottom for the trust rankings sucked. Being selected as the one to win immunity was great. I'm sure Chris and Captain had a hand in making sure I was the one immune. It makes sure people have a tough decision ahead of them since I definitely would have been the easy vote this round. Right now, Captain, Chris, and Mikki all seem keen on working with me in the long-term. So, I am going to stay loyal to those three as best I can. Hopefully, they can talk to each other and become an alliance with me. Let's see how this vote goes!

Would you say I’m worried? Yes, I would. Would you say I’m freaking out? Ummm, yeah, yeah we are getting there. Mhm. Yep. Cool. Cool.

Do I know what I’m doing? No. No clue. 

https://youtu.be/mhv4MYZb8Bg

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https://youtu.be/hfmcnsium88

https://youtu.be/5RYhpy1UGXg

---

this vote they tried it with raffy and you know what we said?

yall wanna target a bottom? target ur own white ppl. spits.

bottoms deserve rights!

This vote’s looking more split than my mother’s first divorce

It's Sad World for me. Sigh. I'm doing what I can and I'm not giving up no matter how stressed I get. I botched getting the advantage. I feel heartbroken but I won't give up. It ain't looking good from here tho, fam. 

I have zero idea what anyone is doing, as fun as this tribe is we have such bad communication lmfao

I think it's between Lily C and Jude, that seems to be the common consensus, but. Do I just go Lily C to put myself in good standings with everyone? Or do I stick with my guts and vote Jude to try and sway it a bit? It's... a difficult decision but I really dont wanna put too much thought into it

https://photos.app.goo.gl/zdtx21a6WWsqXjJUA

https://youtu.be/fF5V3zgLpvY

https://youtu.be/59BrcOfTK0k

https://youtu.be/dp_vFeibhjo

https://youtu.be/qfTWZ4G2EUc

---

For Lily C: https://youtu.be/C79yZd-NjBU

[nux-morbid-art]

OC meme: Fester Cunningham

I was tagged by @probably-a-synth so I decided to do a second one since I have so many OCs. Fester is pretty new and needed some fleshing out anyway.  I tag @whatshappeningcowboy @eisenhexa bc i know yall got more than one oc to talk abt, as well as anyone who wants to do this, Please @ me!

GENERAL

Name: Fester Cunningham

Alias(es): Chester (given name), Glowstick, Nightlight, et al

Gender: Cis male

Age: Unknown, hes probably upwards of 80 but his body stopped aging in his mid 20′s, lucky bastard

Place of birth: Diamond City, Commonwealth. turned ghoul after a scrap run turned horribly wrong, and left to die by his friends. 

Spoken languages:  English, with a moderate southern drawl

Sexual orientation: GAY

Occupation: Raider, escort, entertainer, arm candy

APPEARANCE

Race: Glowing Ghoul, though I like to think ghoulification happens in slow stages and he’s only recently started glowing. Originally white. 

Eye colour: Originally pale watery blue, now bright green irises with black, glossy “whites” 

Hair colour:  Dirty blonde bleached platinum, occaisionally decorated w henna and other dyes

Height: 5′8 ish

Scars: none besides obvious ghoulification. his body heals even serious injuries in a few hours, leaving little evidence of damage. 

Burns: ^

Overweight: / Underweight: decently muscular, with extra on his hips, thighs and ass

FAVOURITE

Colour: rather fond of green lately 

Hair colour: Black, like’s em Tall Dark n Handsome (tm)

Eye colour: Sucker for pale or brightly colored eyes, blue, grey, green, etc

Music genre: in canon he likes classic rock n roll, modern au he’d be a really trashy metalhead. anything hard and loud

Movie genre: Has never seen a movie in his life, but he’d love horror and be one of those assholes that talks in theaters and laughs when people die horribly on screen

TV show: he’d like horror and crime dramas like csi, supernatural, punisher and daredevil

Food: loves junk food and processed pre-war crap

 Drink: Nuka quantum, quartz, and any of the others that glow

Book: he can read just enough to get by and occaisionally picks up a comic book. likes Grognak well enough. 

HAVE THEY

Passed university: Diamond city has a school ish? he got through that. 

Had sex: Lots. cant remember all his partners, lots of one night stands and back alley blow jobs. 

Had sex in public: Lots. Bit of an exhibitionist. 

Gotten pregnant (themself or a partner): Nope. 

Kissed a man: LOTS

Kissed a woman: Obligatory “I thought I might be straight” childhood and teenage crushes, always been a player

Kissed a nonbinary person: He’s been w so many people its bound to have happened, tho he doesn’t really discuss the finer points of gender identity beyond “what name do i scream when I cum” and “what do i call your junk when i’m talking dirty”

Gotten tattoos: Extensive blackwork covering most of his body except his hands, feet, and sensitive areas like his genitals and inner thighs.

Gotten piercings: A series of rings around each ear and a single lobe piercing in each, usually has mismatched jewlery, and at least one safety pin keeping piercings open (don’t do this at home kids)

Had a broken heart: no, hes never had a serious relationship either 

Been in love:  no 

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: frequently but prefers regular sleep 

ARE THEY

A virgin: No, and probably lost theirs at an uncomfortably early age

A cuddler: about average, enjoys touch and being close to someone

A kisser: yes, and very rough and sharp with it

Scared easily: an absolute coward, jumps at everything and hides during big fights

Jealous easily: very, for someone who never commits to a monogamous relationship. but if someone he likes is giving attention to someone else, he turns into an obnoxious, attention hungry cry baby. 

Trustworthy: Not in the slightest. sells out anyone the moment a better option becomes available

Dominant: / Submissive: Power Bottom

In love: Never

Single: Always

RANDOM QUESTIONS

Have they harmed themselves: no

Thought of suicide: no

Attempted suicide: no

Wanted to kill someone: has dozens of murders under him, all of them sneaky, backhanded, and petty. knows he cant win in a fair fight. He’s killed people for insulting him, rejecting him, for their possessions, and sometimes just to see if he could. 

Ridden a horse: what the fuck is a horse

Have/had a job: he did odd jobs as a kid, fetch and courier stuff. never done an honest day’s work as an adult. 

Have any fears: Turning feral, and that someday all the horrible things he’s done are going to catch up with him. 

FAMILY

Sibling(s): Middle child, probably had a brother and sister somewhere. doesn’t know or care if theyre alive

Parents: Diamond city scrappers, status unknown, probably deceased

Children: None that he knows of

Pets: Not  a huge fan of pets, with tolerate cats more than dogs.