hardgarbage

[hardgarbage]

my role on tumblr dot com is to scroll through thousands of posts and only reblog the good ones for you to see like your personal tumblr pasta strainer

[hardgarbage]

Love LITERALLY every post about how bad the casting for the new Mario movie includes a sidebar about “this does not apply to Jack Black, who is amazing and we’re all thrilled he’s here”

[hardgarbage]

huge congratulations to drugs for continuing to win the war on drugs

[hardgarbage]

girl what the fuck is even the theme of a midsummer night’s dream. is there even a lesson to be learned. is it just vibes or what

[hardgarbage]

having a lot of thoughts about this week’s ask polly

[hardgarbage]

for my fellow psychotics who struggle with thinking someone is in their house, a method I’ve found that really works are these guys:

i put them on my front door and anytime it opens they ring. that way if i think someone has broken in or i see someone who isn’t there i can think back to if the bells have rung, and if they haven’t i can assure myself it’s not real. obviously it’s not fool proof, like if you are prone to auditory hallucinations, but it has really helped me calm down in time to avoid major psychotic breaks. it’s a real lifesaver

nonpsychotics encouraged to rb

[hardgarbage]

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

[hardgarbage]

the only reason #cottagecore is considered a gen z thing is bc its a hashtag. it used to be called transcendentalism when offline men did it

[hardgarbage]

Ok def was not expecting this level of relatability

[hardgarbage]

[hardgarbage]

u ever wake up from a dream like “damn i guess i’m not coping with THAT as well as i thought i was”

[hardgarbage]

have I heard recent fandom stuff? interesting question. the answer is I did my fucking time and now I universally unilaterally refuse to learn anything ever again. thank you

[hardgarbage]

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

[hardgarbage]

you know when you’re a child and you’re like what’s the big deal what’s so wrong with leaving dirty dishes in the sink and then you’re an adult and the presence of dirty dishes that the other adults in the dwelling have left in the sink makes you homicidal

[hardgarbage]

Soda was an effervescent corn-based drink that was popular during the height of the American Empire. Regionally known as pop or coke in some provinces, it was prepared by extracting corn sugars into a thick syrup to be mixed with water

[hardgarbage]

PREACH!

[hardgarbage]

if you have to dumpster dive for kindness, that’s okay and it doesn’t make you a bad person. while obviously we’d all prefer to not have to sort through garbage in the middle of the night to find something edible, food is food