#what do i know............. im just a baka
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yeah
#help this has been in my drafts for two weeks#act 2 caitlyn.........#me watching fans of fictional male genocidal maniacs and serial killers drag her thru the mud#the amt of posts i saw calling her h/tler was insane actually#using dictator and fascist and other political terms as a 'gotcha!!!!!!!!' for why people shouldn't like her or why caitvi was 'shitty'#very weird energy.#we should be capable of criticizing fictional characters while still enjoying them but that seems impossible for the most fandoms#but hey its fine if a man does it .#what do i know............. im just a baka
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the thing about a potential brad romance arc too is like. straight or not i simply do not want that man happy. i don't want him to be in love with some random new person, man or woman, i want him to experience The Horrors
the Horrors of being in love with the world's most pathetic man of all time, david brittle-- [I AM REMOVED FROM THE STAGE BY A COMICALLY LARGE HOOK]
#mqposting#honestly im trying to imagine a non-david romance. i truly am#and most scenarios are just like. boring#like. ok so if it's a new person. what kind of person would it have to be#bc if it's Just Some Woman. or even Just Some Guy. like. idk what's interesting about that u know??#what does that say about brad other than oooh he is capable of love after all#like yeah we know that already#he went to prison for jo#and yeah that's platonic love but imho that doesn't matter?#it already shows brad's softer side#LIKE. who could possibly be more interesting than the characters we're already invested in#im not just being a fujoshi here i really do think him having a thing for david would be the most interesting choice#and the funniest!!!!!!#god. sorry for the rant#i was SUPPOSED to ship it IRONICALLY but HERE WE ARE#is this how destiel shippers felt#but at least castiel was canon gay. even if he did get sent to superhell#ugh. i hate my stupid baka life
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i personally think armand would love tormenting children in among us with vc
#daniel my beloved i have just been called a 'sussy baka' do you know what that means???#it’s his wind down time okay#im shit posting bc it’s late but i also stand by it#iwtv#armand
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That comic is humor perfected! The beats are so well timed!
Also we all know some of Erik’s things are still scattered around the mansion. He never truly moves out.(and no matter how bad the fight, Charles keeps it all)
Thank you so much !!!! It might be a weird concern to have, but im always worried i pace/time things in my comics weird/inefficiently, so its a big compliment to hear everythin hit well with the last one :]] !!!!
#fave#snap chats#i esp wanna make sure my jokes land… above all else….#and very true theres always bits of erik everywhere in the mansion…#with comic makin and just drawin in general i feel like im always learning how to do stuff and sometimes i never quite have It#whatever IT is#so it does mean a lot to even know somethin like pace/humor is done fine by me 😌#what is NOT being done fine by me right now tho is this fuckass LAPTOP#as it turns out its not just a battery problem but a whole motherboard problem 🫠#like i COULD just buy a cheaper laptop so i can. Do School Work. but…… rivals….#uughhGHJJJ what an annoying predicament to be in#im probably gonna get the motherboard replaced since it will prob cost the same amount as a ps5 and a new laptop anyway dnWPDJAJKA#fuck my baka life this month is so MEAN TO ME#at the very least i can borrow my bro’s laptop for my assignments but still…. the sec jan over the universe out to get me#idk. ill figure things out i just need a day or so to think bout it#i mean apparently im not gon get my laptop back from a few weeks so :)))))) i LOVVEEEE technology#thank you for letting me ramble. dkOASJAK#at the very least i must let you know this compliment did raise my spirits a lot so my day isnt so terrible anymore :]]
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i promise i havent given up already HAHA im flying back to london so will be back on here in GST in like 10hrs!!
#baka bants#just thiught#id let u guys know#I HAVENT FAILED THIS ALREADY#JAIAIAIAK#I had a report due this morning before i left for the airport too so u already know#i pulled an allnighter for fhat#and im excited to pass out on this flight hehehe#anyways hope ur all goooooood#still on bleach ep20 i think ill start watching them like#tmr??? the day after mayhaps?? and i was thinking actually#doing like 5-10ep lil segments at a time haha#once again so i dont spam#such a sidebar but incant believe trudeau resigned holy fuckeroo#what an insane 6 months since july#rishi biden then trudeau#crazy 6 month run actually
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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ok. im going to make this post but i REALLY shouldn’t but i just am so devastated rn and need to not be alone in it and you guys are the only people i can talk to candidly about moving stuff rn for a lot of reasons. the reason im crying rn is because i just found out i made a massive error in my budget and it turns out that my net pay is barely over minimum wage and i cannot afford to live by myself. at all. unless i live off of savings in addition to income but even then that’s only going to help me for a couple months and anyway it’s extremely unwise bc i should save that money for getting a car etc etc. this is not entirely a bad thing because a) at least i can afford to… you know… live. and b) living with roommates will not be bad especially if i live with friends and/or strangers i come to be friends with. it’s just i really… i don’t know i just feel so sick to my stomach. it’s just that recent events have made it so clear to me that i need to teach myself how to live independently before i can live with other people (let alone function in the world, heal from trauma, etc.) healthily. i know it so deeply. and it can’t happen for me. this is confirmation. this is confirmation and there’s nothing that can change it. rent is too high (even for shitty apartments in the area which let’s be real most of them are… it’s too high!) and over half of my income is going to taxes and deductions and bills and student loans. i feel so hopeless
#an di still have homework to do LMAOOOOOOOOOOO as if im not having a crisis over this issue which is more important than any hw assignment#will ever be. fuck my stupid baka life but i mean it so sincerely.#purrs#delete later#again. i know even being able to consider living alone is a MASSIVE privilege and there will be joys in having a roommate especially if it’s#someone i love. but it’s going to create sooooo many more steps in this process for me and i will have to compromise my needs yet again (#even if i genuinely want to!) when what i need right now is to have as little compromise as possible. to FINALLY experience what it’s like#to live without having to share (most) things or silence myself. moving out at all is going to be huge and helpful no matter if im living#with roommates but. god god god. this feels like thinking a door is open but it’s just painted to look that way. im so sad#also btw i found out that i am not actually being overpaid im being UNDERpaid. which is a solvable problem that will be fixed this week but#even when that gets corrected i still am making a little over minimum wage so. 😃🔫
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oh yeah update on my asymmetrical stomach fat(? might not be fat it could easily be my organs are fucked up idk) it hasnt gotten much worse i dont think but it hasnt gotten better either 👍 still havent gotten seen professionally but i havent noticed any adverse symptoms medically so. i think i might just be like this forever now
#frustrating that i still dont even know why…#leave it to my stupid baka life to take every semblance of normalcy from me in every regard. not to be dramatic or anything#trying to just not worry about it because what can i do abt it anyway…. if it ends up being something that kills me then shrug!#play the cards im dealt etc#mumbling
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okay first of all was anyone going to tell me that ac/dc is an australian band. and second of all was anyone else going to tell me that they're apparently colloquially referred to as "acca dacca" in australia
#i knew about some general australian slang like maccas and utes and blueys but it never occurred to me that ac/dc would have one too#mostly because i just assumed they were english like so many classic rock bands i know.#ALSO APPARENTLY THE WIGGLES ARE AUSTRALIAN TOO I SAW ON THE NEW DEFUNCTLAND TODAY#i never watched the show as a kid i just vaguely was aware of some of their more popular songs#its so so fucked up to me genuinely how much accents tend to just Disappear when you sing. like where'd they go lol#anyway i was gonna say#i need to go back and do my music autism analysis shit for the rock songs i grew up hearing#i was telling latimer a lot of classic rock music feels like. like its Default Music to me somehow#like oh yeah jukebox hero we all know jukebox hero of course. whats that latimer? oh. youve never even heard of Any foreigner song. huh#so i need to like. go through all the music from my childhood. im in my childhood trauma reclaiming era anyway like i might as well#i want classic rock to go from being my 'childhood music' into my 'scavengerverse (oc) music'#like how styx and disney songs are my 'neopets ocs music' from when i was 12and AJR is my 'webcomic dev music'#god i want to be so autistic about music right now but im so sleepy tired. fuck my stupid baka life
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Every time I see my posts get a high number of notes I feel like the universe is gaslighting me or something
#sophie speaks#i think thats just called schizophrenia which we have checked and established i do not have#or like someone call something of mine popular or well known like for one thing no#no its not#but for another thing like what what is going on#or someone cool like my stuff#its just. disconcerting yknow what i mean#oh my god wait its like reverse imposter syndrome lmfao#YOU guys are the imposters#you sussy little bakas#you know what thats enough internet for one day im gonna hit the hay
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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
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writing is so fun !! why does it suck ass n balls
#aria void#fr I feel like im smashing my head against a cheese grater most of the time#sometimes something comes through but its not pretty#if it was just like a fear of writing something bad that would be something I could learn to get over#but i don't know what's holding me back#i occasionally have spurts where I can write a bunch but they never last long#which is how I end up with 5 billion unfinished story ideas I have no clue what to do with#i try just forcing myself to write anyway but my mind just goes blank#I can half visualize where to take things but its like there's a paper jam in the path to convert that into words#idk whats causing it idk how to uncause it and its the lack of knowing what the problem is that's so fucking frustrating#i have so many fucking stories in me but the one path to shove them out is an inch wide and always clogged#insert funny shit constipation joke heha#granted i think part of its just my various undiagnosed disorders kicking in and making it impossible to concentrate#literally I was trying to write a short story just now and sorta kinda starting to get somewhere#but i got distracted by ranting about how hard writing is and now my groove is unrecoverably thrown off#fuck my stupid baka brain
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need to feel loved again
#idk. im just so so so lonely.#never know what to do with myself#i think i just need. a hug.#or a kiss#but most people I love are hours and hours and hours away#fuck my stupid baka life
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maybe i shouldve done it when i had the guts actually
#ramblings#tw vent#FFUUUUUCCCCKKwhen was the last time i cried not over schoolwork. does this even count my eyes are slightly damp#thats what its likew schoolwork actually. i said i cired of the ohysics i becameSlightly Moist#i am so stressed about this its not even funny and thers nothing i can do#FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE#oh hey seventeen hours worth of shcoolwork due between monday and wednesday whats up what do you mean its monday#shit. died.#oh and ftr im not actually gonna do shit dwbi dwbm i just make a. concerning. amount of sui jokes for someone who isnt suicidal#idk everyone i know is and it scares me every daybut humor is the best (anxiety) medicine!!
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recent ffxiv livetweeting. spoilers through the end of arr patch quests btw.
#ffxivposting#suicide mention#I GUESS. SORRY#made this account 90% so i could livepost this game better.#moving off my priv twitter to here bc literally only my irl has access and i know he doesnt gaf. i love u bro<3#and im actually going to die going thru this alone to be honest chat. help#just gave my wol a haircut btw :) working on a new fit also hehehe. she's my favorite.#she doesnt have a name because i put a stupid ass placeholder name because i started playing with my Real Life Family. but shes so cutiepie#keep taking screenshots whenever she looks cute in a cutscene which is often. lovely#btw. im aware t.hancred isnt a gayboy. he's a womanizer. which is kind of a gay thing to be. also stuff did happen to him in arr#and he gets pouty about it sometimes which is funny. rip to this guy. but youknow. lol#like if you think about it it's like man that really blows for you huh? but i cant get a good gauge on how much HE thinks about it. hes too#busy w/ his scorned lovers et cetera. as things go.#where im at now is uh. let me check the msq quest list. somewhere around lvl51 msq. chat i miss flying So Bad i am so slow.#by the way i do know the race names. for the record. that guy is a gay ass Elezen(tm).#also im not trying to bully u.rianger(?spelt like that right?) he's nice. his voice IS funny though.#i have not skipped any of this story. even the parts that sucked total ass and shit. my working knowledge is. Okay.#the patch quests were sooooo rough at the start but at least near the end they started ramping up and i got dragged in.#got to yell at npcs bc they were pissing me off so bad near the end there. quite a fun time.#also starting hw story stuff is really funny when youve been playing drg. like hey! i know you!#also ive been saying his name as 'estinen' the whole time wdym it's 'e.stinien'. i hope he never takes off that helmet btw#anyway. i cannot fucking draw my wol. at all. need to get better refpics later i guess.#speaking of. i am not googling any of these guys to draw them because i dont feel like getting spoiled.#yet another L im taking.my stupid baka life. as they say.#you cant hold anything im saying against me here it's almost midnight. fuck i have class tmrw. what ever#ANYWAY. all that to say. i need to talk to someone abt this shit to be honest.#shrug.
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HIII ANGEL im so happy to see you back !!!
HIII NONNIE HI HI HI KISSES IM HAPPY TO SEE UUU IN MY INBOX !! <333
#urusai! baka#i know im 5 days late in replying to this omfg#oopsies im sorryyyy#ive been getting shafted going back to uni omg my sleep sched is#shambolic#every time it atarts back up im jumpscsred again by just how bad my time management is#i had to fight registry to switch some electives around and now im in a 5h workshop where none of my driends are IN#SO MY SOCIAL ANXIETY IS GOING BRRRRR#so thats where i am rn xxx hiding on my phone xxxxxx#HAPPY THURSDAY#HAPPY LATE CHINESE NEW YEAAAAR#YAYYY <3333#KISSES NONNIE IGNORE ME JUSY#TAKING LVER UR ASK TO YAP ABOUT MYSELF#HOW R U HOW R WE DOING WHAT R WE READING WAYCHING LOVING (HATING?)
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