#ugh. i hate my stupid baka life

[queenhawke]

the thing about a potential brad romance arc too is like. straight or not i simply do not want that man happy. i don't want him to be in love with some random new person, man or woman, i want him to experience The Horrors

the Horrors of being in love with the world's most pathetic man of all time, david brittle-- [I AM REMOVED FROM THE STAGE BY A COMICALLY LARGE HOOK]

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

graduation was technically yesterday but i didn't go bc im hashtag cool and hashtag apathetic about the whole thing but that means i am no longer a student anymore which means i can't even lie to people and say i have exams to study for when i'm avoiding them nooooo

[bubblegumbeyotch]

.

[ranger-kellyn]

when u physically get to the office at 6am only to find out there’s no fucking INTERNET so there wasn’t even a point of going in in the first place 🙃

[a-dotrivenitupontop]

I NEED TO DO MY WORK! BUT I DONT WANT TO!!! *death lasers*

[leafatlaw]

MY MOM WORKS TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ghostofasecretary]

i feel like i fundamentally do not have enough energy to live my own life

yesterday i was recovering from Exhausting Funeral Trip. so it makes sense that i was slow.

and i did:

- fill out last week's timecard

- make my bed

- get groceries

- do my laundry

- make dinner + plan tomorrow's lunch

- watched TV like a maniac (had fun) (knitted)

realized i still had to fill my med case back up. ugh

- did that, got to sleep late thereby

so. today. throat's sore and nose is stuffy, gross! only charged phone partially somehow! there's a persistent beeping in my house for god knows why! (none of the options i can think of sound good!) i'm TIRED and i JUST WOKE UP and i want to SCREAM and then CRY, MAYBE.

okay. okay okay okay

1. you don't have your focus meds and that makes everything harder. fix that, please. call the number you just put in your journal in the parking lot after work, c. 1:30.

2. class this term is a real and awful stressor. you are not going to be as prepared as you want to be. still, this might be adequate: work on your homework for an hour each evening. 7pm-8pm, or you can knock it out early. just set an alarm.

3. you have to do Scary New Thing at Job this week. plan that tonight.

4. go print thing at library after work. then make the rest of your apple cidey with spices and drink it.

5. i could really use the fucking money from my paid social. i really could. i would *rather* see my actual IRL friends but actual friends don't give you $20 for hanging out with them. because that would be weird. and i lost $20 going home and it would be nice to make it up. (stupid! argh!!) (I NEED A NEW/SECOND JOB BUT WE A R E N O T T H I N K I N G A B O U T I T N O W.) plus maybe you could see your friends and do work? so. RSVP today or tomorrow once you confirm.

6. i am really and truly Not Gonna Worry about poetry. i want to but this is the thing that will last the longest without maintenance. sorry for your loss.

7. do not even start to book club or party plan till Friday evening.

so! okay! that's your week!

today we got:

- restart laptop. fuck it, update AND restart

- eat breakfast

- work outfit (ugh my gross hair, need to shower tonight *also*)

- pack lunch

- plan: what lesson materials do i need, what am i doing today, goal for each group, little list of times + names, etc

- pack bags

- walk to car

- drive to work

- head in early

- gather materials

- head down around [set time]

- teach g1, g2 (survey), g3

- lunch

- teach g4

- finish up admin paperwork, go upstairs, put materials away afaic (all! nice!)

- clock out

- call number about meds; hopefully they will have some or be able to direct you to someone who will. oh they were closed. EPIC. CALL BACK LATER. what do you mean you want me to leave a voicemail message. fine. what the fuck

- drive home

- go to library; print item; walk back home. actually the item cannot be printed! sent an email fml 1989

- call another pharmacy?? should hear back by cidey time. call a third pharmacy. message psych. i hate this stupid baka life (getting adhd meds in the US)

- um. wow. am sick. covid test? yay, it's negative

- shower

- apple cidey (expect this is to be about 3:30?)

- wash today's tupperware

- cooking break: [make some lentils? (soak, cook ~1 hour, cook with reverse tadka. do not make too much, maybe 300g dry?) - make potato sabzi? (start after lentils are in) - make a tiny bit of rice? (start after lentils are in) [- maybe one episode of show but you should begin food at 4:15 at latest so you're done cooking around 5:30 and done with food c. 5:45 and done with dishes c. 6:15 so you can start planning before your Homework Time begins. you can start cooking at 4, that'd be fine. even 3:30 for lentil soaking time.]]

yeah, no, if all that cooking sounds like Too Much instead of like rest then make some mushroom pasta with spinach and arugula. or you can eat your defrosted potato soup. damn. options

- eat dinner

- maybe poke your friends about plans during Food Eating Time (/notify them of. covid test results. UGH)

- plan [new job thing] for g1, g2, g4, g2 On Last Day Only. figure out what materials you need and who you're going to work with and prep those as much as you can. put materials to print on flash drive

- 7-8pm ONE HOUR OF HOMEWORK. it doesn't have to be good you just have to sit at the desk for an hour with no distractions and try. i believe in you

- 8-9pm watch your tv show

- 9:30 shut laptop and head bedwards. this is a lot; you will be tired.

okay! that's a fuckload! but do it step by step and it will. get. done.

[delivery-guyy]

I HATE MY STUPID BAKA LIFE MY FRIENDS CANCELED OUR PLANS TO GO RO GHE BEACH UGH

[taserblade]

anyways, i hate working while sick i feel like actual ass rn. rlly hopin its slow tn so i can go home early but i rlly doubt it bc the state fair opened today :-(( UGH FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE

[rockettoikah]

THIS. Nagpintig yong tenga ko ih. Andami dami na ngang nangyayari sa mundo dagdag pa to. Im just pissed how confident he was. Its bullshit you know. First of all kuya, Im not your pet to wag my tail every time you’re fuckin bored! kingina mo lang! Alam mo yon, lahat na siguro ng category ng katanghan check na check sa checklist ko. You only reminds me how stupid I was before. He was this guy/sir who I wrote before... 

“Do you want to know the worst part about walking away?” she asks him.

“It’s hoping that they’ll run after you. That they’ll stop you and tell you not to leave. That they’ll beg you to stay. That they’ll tell you they need you, she says.’ but they never do. They never did.’“

I guess after all this time, this will be the perfect time to tell you that I’ll be fine. I guess letting it all spill out will let this heavy heart breathe. Maybe it’s the perfect time that you let me go. Just so you know, I’m listening to Caleb’s “I need you today” and my heart hurts so bad. Very bad.

Sir! Ang sakit, sobra. Sobra lang. I was expecting you to talk to me and give me a tight hug for my last day. I was expecting that you’ll treat me like before. I was expecting that I can talk to you without awkwardness. I was expecting that it will be a “see you soon” instead of “goodbye”. And do you know what’s worst about it? it’s that I expected too much and it’s making me sad. Maybe you got tired of waiting, maybe you’re just busy with all your priorities and dreams in life, maybe you just loved me because you needed me. Maybe it was my fault for not looking at you until the time you started  not to care. Maybe you were tired waiting for answers that I can’t fill right now, pero di ba pag mahal mo hihintayin mo? Di ba pag mahal mo ipaglalaban mo? Di ba pag mahal mo ipapadama sa’yo na importante ka? ehh bakit di ko naramdaman yon sir? bakit?

All these photos were the time I’m with you,and I miss the time whenever we’re alone talking about life and how worst our day went. I miss the time you tease me with things I really do hate. I miss your small gestures like sitting beside me and saying nothing haha. I just miss everything about you del. I’m sorry for not looking at you agad, for losing hope because of another guy. Pero ikaw ngay yong gusto ko, siguro napagod ka lang maghintay. Pero bakit?

Truth is I can’t focus reviewing because of having thoughts of you, kaya ok na siguro to. I’ll slowly let my heart heal. Maybe we’re not just meant for each other, maybe we cross paths just to be a better person to someone. Thank you for everything, thank you for letting me learn from my faults and taught me to be independent. Thank you for believing when no one did, even myself. Salamat kasi naging proud ka sa akin, mamimiss ko yong ��Architect ko yan” na phrase. hahaha. Thank you sir. Walking away from you and the company will be painful, but i’ll be fine. Soon. Salamat sa mga memorable na experience. I hope this will never be a goodbye. And I hope if we cross roads again I’ll be a better person than before, so are you. I love you, i always will. Isang bagsak naman jan sa Qa mong magsisign off na. hahah

I used to say I love you I used to say I miss you And now it's all gone Are we fading away  

-I need you more today...

Siya yong reason why I had hard time focusing on my review, he was the reason why my friends hated me so much, he was the guy I fought for, kasi alam ko “baka pwede”, he was all my good “what ifs”, he was this guy who made me feel miserable for missing him so much pero in return he never ask,he never cares. TANGA nga talaga pag tinamaan ka.. its funny back reading my blog and seeing this

I Miss You

* I miss your scent.

* I miss the way you stare at me.

* I miss the way you try to tease and piss me off.

* I miss the way you touch my ear and hair

* I miss our Jollibee nights

* I miss our late night dates

* I miss the way I call you sir, kasi hindi ko talaga alam itatawag ko sayo

* I miss taking care of you.

* I miss to touch your hand in a pasaway way.

* I miss our fights. Kasi slow at mapride ka.

* I miss the way you teach me in every little way.

* I miss talking to you, yong sobrang dami mong kwento tapos ako makikinig lang.

* I miss getting mad at you everytime you smoke

* I miss your seloso face

* I miss the way you tryna look or find me pag asa taas ako at nagawi ka doon.

* I miss your not manly attitude

* I miss sitting next to you.

* I miss your table.

* I miss the way you sit beside me without saying anything

* I miss our walk thrus and punchlisting pero nagchichikahan lang talaga tayo

* I miss making fun at you kasi pikon ka

* I miss the times you react or comment sa my day ko.

* I miss waiting at you to say pasalubong whenever I go to baguio.

* I miss your torpe attitude

* I miss doing accomplishment reports with you.

* I miss the time i miss you sa site kasi sobrang busy mo din sa ibang site.

* I miss your pissed face kasi d ko sinsagot yong call mo

* I miss your voice

* I miss waiting at you kapag ot ka kasi wala ako kasama umuwi

* I miss the time you care kahit ayaw mong ipakita

* I miss eating siopao and chicken with you

* I miss you treating me pero fuck ikaw lagi nagpapalibre

* I miss the time you dont have to ask what my order kasi alam mo na yong gusto ko.

* I miss the time you tryna chat me kasi nga hindi kita kinausap ng buong araw bec of a girl haha which is hindi naman dapat.

* I miss you taking pictures at me tapos bigla bigla mo nlng isesend sa akin.

* I miss the way you smile kasi sinabi ko na bagay mo and minsan ngiting aso ugh.

* I miss saying your hair is too long na gupit time, tapos the next day gagawin mo naman kahit sobrang ot ka.

Its been 2 months love, and everyday it hurts so bad. Ang bigat lang sa feeling na yong taong di mo matiis kayang kaya kang tiisin na wag kausapin. Amindo ako na my last day was really not that good. We didnt even talk the whole day. I was actually pissed that day because you know the reason why but you didnt dare talk to me.. kaya I decided to end my shift.. I decided to leave, but I only wanted to see how important I am to you. Nasagot ko pala agad. Sometimes nakakalimutan natin iremind sa sarili natin na madami magkakagusto sayo but few will value you. And whats making it worst is that vinalue mo yong taong gusto ka lang. haaay kaya hayan nilista ko nalang lahat ng bagay na naminiss ko sayo... let me MISS you until I don't anymore.

SEE? I was at the state where lahat na lang iniintindi ko, ni ligaw nga ako na gumawa p*Ta.. but in return ako lang pala. Every time I was at this situation, lagi kong sinisisi yong self ko but it should be the other way around. I started changing my sail, yes, without the thoughts of you, natuto akong magself love and I really pity myself now. GRABE ang effort ko pala. And I dont deserve a guy like you, thats what I told myself, now I’m sailing and catching my dreams without you of course and I dont regret it. It feel so peaceful na din my heart’s at peace. But it pisses me off how insensitive you are. Dude hindi ikaw buhay ko so wag kang magbida bida and magpapansin because Im done with you and I dont wanna waste my time with you. I shouldn’t be posting this pero triggered na ako ehh Sineseen ko na nga lang patol pa ng patol sa messenger. BORED ka ghorl?? ish.. PRAY for better days nalang ugggh

[chalk-reverie]

dis\crying again?

another melancholy night episode for me then. Surely, dahil wala akong natutunan sa online class ngayon and fuck I feel so stupid. Wala akong magawa sa sistemang kinakaharap ko ngayon.

Yes and I will rant tonight dahil hindi ako makutulog.

well ganito talaga kapag wala akong mapagsabihan ng damdamin na kahit friends or family ko hindi ako maiintindihan kasi I’ve always been misunderstood whenever I speak so i’d type or write it out. No one knows me so okay lang magsulat dito.

I’ve been giving all my best whenever I work pero some things are not worth fighting lalo na kung bale wala lang lahat ng ginagawa ko sa huli. Underestimated ako palagi. Sure baka naman sa aura ko na iyon pero nakakapagod. Kahit ako hindi ko na ma-appreciate sarili ko at iyon ang masama. Kasi sa personality kailangan lahat ng ginagawa ko may saysay, may patutunguhan, kung baga, I don’t like things doing that are meaningless, kailangan may saysay lahat. Kunwari, nagaral ako ng katawan ng tao dahil gusto kong magingdoctor, at kung pagaaralin mo ako ng calculus dahil kailangan sa subject eh ayoko. Naalala ko tuloy yung exam namin sa English na Purposive Communication na Body Language ang pinaguusapan which is a very good topic at interesting siya dahil I am aware that body languages have hidden messages that is done unconsciously by the communicator. Sobrang mahalagang skill ito para sa akin dahil I want to know and communicate effectively. Pero sinayang lang ng aking guro ang topic na iyon dahil pina memorize niya lang ang terms sa amin at moslty fill in the blanks pa at nakakainis na memorization kuno ang nangyari, wala, ang baba ko tuloy. I hate it dahil ang ganda-ganda ng topic naging isang basura lang dahil pangit magturo ang guro...

And that’s what’s happening half of my school life, and retaining absolutely nothing. Anong silbi, kung hindi ko naman magagamit lifetime (even afterlife)? fuck material things, fuck grades and fuck everyone trying to destoy my dreams!

And I am truly enrage of this system that I am currently with. Why? Our curriculum is SHT. Ang mahal-mahal pero wala parin silbi! I’ve already wasted 2 years of my life sa Senior high at ngayon wala parin at hindi man nabawasan ang subjects sa college at nakakapagod dahil paulit-ulit na lang itong mga walang kwentang mga subjects na hindi ko naman kailangan. Wtf. And look, kahit wala ako sa artschool doesn’t mean mas maganda sitwasyon nila. Y-yes i mean atleast sa direksyon na iyon straight to the point ang mga tinuturo pero ugh, artschools are not that impressive, mas papatayin nila ang pangarapp mo mag-express ng damdamin mo dahil they reject originality, they embrace familiarity kaya gagawa ka ng artworks na katulad ng karamihan at imbis sa sarili mong pananaw which blocks the true meaning of art (for me). Well. Walang pinagkaiba. Sht talaga.

btw, if you don’t know EMC, you should expect na may coding, dahil ako, i didn’t reasearched enough. I should go straight to what I love and it is truly my passion: animation. I was hooked bait by the school I enrolled to at walang magandang titser dito at thankgod, walang nagenroll dito sa hell hole na nararanasan namin ngayon dahil (secretly) one time na napasama ako sa promotion ng school and we advertise our course which is (EMC:major in digital animation pero secretly IT) sinabi ko sa mga nakakilala ko sa ibang school na huwag na maegenroll dito kung sa aming department nila kami mageenroll, dahil false advertisement nga pinopromote namin dito at hindi talaga maganda ang curriculum. Don’t call me names dahil, ayoko lang sila magsuffer in the end as well as their parents na rin.

Going back, gusto ko lang irant dito ang 1. pangit na curriculum 2. pangit na teachers 3. school is factory of killing your child dream. Well, this are just my opinion and based on what I feel at hindi lahat ng sinasabi ko ay totoo. Dahil ito nga ay onesided marami akong flaws na hindi mo kailangan paniwalaan at pwedeng pwede kang magdisagree.

4. I am tired

2 years lang ako sa college at napapagod na ako. lalo na ngayon na pandemya, mas lalo ako nawawalan ng gana, mas nawawalan ako ng lakas. Hindi na ako masaya, hindi na ako nakakatawa, palagi na lang ako nayayamot sa loob-looban ko, at higit sa lahat walang nakakaintindi sa akin.

Wala, bakit? hindi ko man kasi masabi sa magulang ko, kahit sa mga kaibigan ko ang nararamdaman ko. Nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa. Napansin ko din ng mga nakaraang buwan na nasasakal na ako, at dinadaan ko na lang sa laro dahil duon ako masaya, pero leche pinipigilan pa ako ng magulang ko at minsan, nawawalan na rin ako ng gana gumuhit at tumuntog dahil ano pa nga ba ang silbi? Para bang, nagiging maulap na ang aking paningin sa kakaiyak gabi-gabi. Parang bumabalik ako sa dati, sa dating ayaw ko ang sarili ko. Bakit ngayon pa na naghihilom na ako?  

Ang dali kong malugmok sa kalungkutan ano? Jusko, nasa genes ko na eh. Sobrang bilis ko lang madrain kapag hindi ko gusto ginagawa ko. Hay...

[petri808]

Love Triangles

@inuvember  Day 23 Rivalry  Submission 2

These are based on a couple of different scenes, when Koga kidnaps Kagome, and after fighting Kagura when Inuyasha is badly injured.  Format is like additional thought bubbles of my own…

Jealousy, Part 1

‘I’m in love with Kagome…’  My mind barely registered Koga’s words before the anger boiled up inside me.  All I could see was red, What the hell!!  How could he fall in love with her so quickly, they just met!  Unless something happened while she was with him…  No, No, No, not her, not m-m-my K-kag… she wouldn’t do anything right?  With another g-guy…  But then again, should I be surprised that mutt would fall for her so quickly?  A lot of the men seem drawn to her…  Am I growling, hell yes, I am!  Fuck that!  He’s not good enough for her, no one else is!  Only me!  I’m gonna kill him for even thinking about her like that!

~~~

K-Koga’s in love with me!  Damn it, I am not his woman!  I am sort of, kinda taken…  at least in my own mind that is, maybe not in his.  I feel a heat building over my face…  Though it is kinda nice to be told such things especially since the one I want doesn’t… Damn, did I blush?  Did anyone see that?!  Well for someone who wants me in that way…  And he’s not that bad looking either…  The flash of his blue eyes…  and that confident smile…

~~~

I glanced back at Kagome as she watched the battle of words between Koga and I, and she was, she was almost…  H-her face is…  Son of a!  Is she taken by his sweet talk!  Oh, Hell No this is not happening!  Not Friggin’ Happening!!  There’s no controlling the growl emanating from me.   I’m going to fucking kill him!    

~~~x~~~

The battle with the birds is over but…  Now Koga’s injured and Inuyasha wants to continue the fight over me, what do I do??  Koga’s in no condition to fight….  These two bakas!  Think, think, something to do?  The only thing I could think of.  Osuwari!

~~~

I screamed from that prone position.  That bitch!  Why the hell’d she’d stop me for?!  She let them get away, she let Him get away!!  Stupid, stupid wench!  I need to kill that fucking wolf punk now, so he’ll leave her the fuck alone!  Unless…  Did she do it because she cares about that bastard!  

Sigh…

I skulked away from the group to think.  Keh!  Fine!  Maybe I shouldn’t have come to save her, would she have been happier if I didn’t…  All I could think about was her, was she okay, was he hurting her.  We needed to get her back safely…  Exhale.  I needed to get her back, so we could live happily ever after, I did say that to Miroku didn’t I?  and I think I meant it.  Somewhere inside I really meant it…  But she defended him!  She went to his aide, after what he put her through…

Ugh, I can’t get the image of her cradling him out of my head!  Why?!  Why is this bothering me anyways, it’s not like…

~~~

Great now he’s sulking and Miroku them are telling me to talk to him…  Inuyasha had been so worried about me they said…  Was he really?  Why does he care so much when he could just as easily leave for her?  So, what if Koga said what he said, Seriously?  I mean, what gives him the right to act so jealous when he’s the one two timing!  

Wait, shouldn’t I be more upset with Koga for even claiming me like that?  I’m not property that can be owned…  Well I can kinda understand, that’s how it might work in a pack life.  See, I defend him but not Inuyasha’s actions…  Well that’s because, because Koga made up his mind and crazy at it might be at least I’m the only one but him, he can’t make up his damn mind and keeps picking another woman too!  

Ugh, but I can’t stay mad…  Sigh…  Because I care too much about him…

~~~

She says she has no interest in him, do I believe her?  I mean, if she didn’t why’d she stop me?  Because he was already injured, Miroku pointed out, and that wouldn’t be a fair fight.  Like I care about fair when it comes to Kagome!  I’ll take down any guy who tries and she needs to realize that!

You really don’t have a right to tell her she can’t choose someone else, Shippo that little runt dares to tell me.  You damn right I do!  No, you don’t, she’s not your woman either, he drove home.  Not mine…  Well she won’t be his either!

~~~

Sigh…  Inuyasha…  Koga…  Kikyo…  Is this what they call a love triangle…  more like a where does it leave me?  In the middle?      

Jealousy, Part 2

For the love of Kami, that baka is in no condition to be moving around… and for what, her!  Shaking away the desire to be furious, I will myself forward and just focus on finding him to make sure he is okay, or I might have to kill him!  We run in the direction we believe he went.  Shippo said he saw the soul collectors… her soul collectors.  Just what the hell did she want, and why the hell did he have to follow?!

~~~

Trudging back up that hill, one painful step at a time with Tetsusaiga acting as my brace…  So many thoughts run through me, so many emotions I can’t even feel at this moment.  She said she didn’t want me hurt…  To stay alive…  But why did she do what she did…  And then I look up…  Kagome…  Kagome running towards me.  I fall to my knees just before she reached me and dropped to hers.  I can’t even look her in the eye…

~~~

Glaring…  Before I say anything, I just, I already knew…  Logically I knew the answer and, yet I had to voice it, had to hear it aloud.  Yes, he saw her…  and now he can’t even look at me.  Damn him!!!  I should have known.  My eyes went wide, not just from the answer but his tone.  It wasn’t a rendezvous…  the urge to slap him was so bitter strong but I held it back; how, I still don’t know…  He finally confirms for himself that she did give Naraku the jewel and, yet he became angry at the implications she was working with him…  

That’s it, if I don’t leave right this second, I will, I will… purify his ass!

~~~

Huh?  Where’s Kagome going?  Why is she so upset?  Oww!  Damn it!  What the hell did Miroku have to hit me so hard for?!  I don’t understand, what did I do now?  As I watched her walk away, I didn’t hear everything Miroku and Shippo were saying.  Worried…  Poor Kagome… and that look on Miroku’s face is unnerving.  

I see her stride, I’m not blind…  She’s upset…  angry… furious.  The stomps, the clenched fists…  the tightness in her whole body is painfully evident.  It’s my fault again but I don’t understand…

That’s a lie.  I know why but…  I can’t admit why.

~~~

Stupid fool!  It’s Kikyo’s fault that Naraku is so much stronger than he ever was.  Her fault that he is so badly injured and yet he’s still protecting her!  Why?!  Why?!  Why?!  I want to scream at the top of my lungs.  BAKA!!!  Ugh!  I want to go home.  I want to get away from here, but I can’t!  It’s so frustrating!  Why is he still protecting her??  How many times does she have to hurt him before he wakes the fuck up!?

I want to hate him!  I want to hate her!  Damn it, but I still can’t…  my heart won’t let me fill with hate or lest I become like her… How ironic.

But he sure as hell can tend to his own damn injuries tonight!

~~~

Kagome won’t look at me…  She won’t talk directly to me…  If I could walk then I must be fine, she snapped when Sango pointed out I was worse.  I flinched internally, the malice in her tone... It was disheartening and scary.  Miroku wants me to apologize to her.  What am I supposed to say?  Sorry I needed to find out for myself what Kikyo did?  Sorry I needed to know why she still hates me?  Sorry that I believe her when she said she didn’t want me to get hurt?  Or that she wasn’t working with Naraku.  Is it so hard to believe?  Exhale, I know none of them believe me… I don’t even know how much I believe it myself but it’s just easier to keep my mouth shut and hold onto hope...

~~~

If I were all alone I would probably be drowning in tears or anger.  So, I keep my focus solely on helping Sango.  She’s still badly injured from taking that hit from her Hiraikotsu, but she’s better and that’s great.  Just focus on her, Kagome, don’t even think about that baka Inuyasha or that witch Kikyo; they aren’t worth it!  They don’t deserve my attention, but the problem is…

I can’t stop thinking about it…

Exactly what are Kikyo’s intentions?  Why did she give Naraku the stone?  Miroku pulled it out of Inuyasha, I guess at the scene after I fled from it.  She said to him don’t die until she could take herself, Naraku, and the stone out of this world for good…  What they hell does that mean?  Does she think she still has the power to stop the stone?  Do I believe her?  No, I don’t completely, she’s given me no reason to trust her… no she’s only shown me the exact opposite.  Wincing from the memory of the arrow striking my cheek.  Evil rules her heart so, how could she purify the stone?  No, maybe it’s more likely she wants the stone for herself to be alive again.  Sigh, I think, I’ll just try, not to think about it right now…

~~~

What did Kikyo mean, I’m only hers?  Does she still love me?  Do I still love her?  My eyes wander towards Kagome without turning my head.  Is it possible to love two people at the same time, even if for different reasons?  I don’t know if it’s love for Kikyo or a feeling of obligation…  Kami, my head hurts, maybe worse than my body right now.      

I hope Kagome won’t stay mad at me for too long, she usually doesn’t…  I don’t want her to be mad at me…  I hate it when she’s mad at me.  Because the truth is, I miss having her close… I need her to stay with me…

[krys-does-otome]

Bae in Review: Takeru Sasazuka, Collar x Malice

Oh, this boy... this boy...

Hoo boy...

The sass master himself, Takeru Sasazuka. He is rude, crude, and doesn’t care who knows it. He should be everything that I hate in a bae, and yet... I can’t possibly bring myself to hate him. Like, maybe a little, but not as much as I want to hate him.

This should be fun.

As always, first impression:

and last impression:

The progression of this route was definitely a tough one, as I had to restart it, three times actually, because of first getting not enough right answers in the Q&A segments, which lead to a bad end, second time because I was a dumb dumb that forgot to save my progress, (had made it all the way in Chapter 6 previously, forgot to save, and had to replay all the way back in Chapter 2), third time because the save file I loaded to progress from was the one that lead to the bad end I got the first time, so I had to start over AGAIN in Chapter 1, and saved every chapter from that point forward (auto skip stopped after about mid Chapter 2/3ish, so I was rereading everything again up until Chapter 6, ugh).

Sasazuka was a pain in the ass, even in the real world while I was trying to play his route.

And let it be a lesson in always saving your progress, because you never know when you’ll have to start over again. And again. And AGAIN.

...Anyway, more in-depth analysis below, because spoilers, you all know the drill.

For Previous Baes in Review for Collar x Malice, here’s Okazaki, Enomoto, and Shiraishi.

Onward to the full review!

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If I had to pick a relationship where there was quite a clear Dominant and Submissive distinction was made, for this game, it’d have to be Sasazuka and Ichika.

Sasazuka is bossy, he gets under people’s skin, he hates it when people are slow or stupid, can sometimes add more fuel to the fire if he’s not careful. And I had to grit my teeth whenever Ichika was at his beck and call for pretty much the entire route, him treating her like a dog at some points, something which I HATED since I was used to the feistier Ichika of previous routes.

Yet, I honestly can’t bring myself to hate Sasazuka. Not really.

Matter of fact, he’s still one of my favorite characters of the game.

Why, you ask, if he embodies a lot of the traits I hate in an otome bae?

He’s... actually pretty relatable.

He has his insecurities, his troubles, his moments of weakness, he has a mouth that I wish I could get away with. He doesn’t like loud and crowded places, he understands the appeal of the virtual and online world, yet his social skills are pretty poor, at best. He’s also weak against crying women and children.

He also understands the appeal of the criminal mind, how it feels when you hate someone so much that you could kill them, something that Ichika failed to grasp?

Sasazuka gives form to some of our darker thoughts, as I’m sure a lot of us have been in a place where we are tempted to do the wrong thing, that we had been failed in the past and are very tempted to right that wrong ourselves, no matter the cost.

I think this is where Ichika shines in this route, despite me hating her puppy behavior. She helps to remind him of what he has to lose, should he accept the offer from Adonis, to help exact revenge on the guy that murdered his mother. He would become a wanted criminal, plus revenge won’t bring back the dead.

And he would make Ichika cry, the worst crime of them all.

I think this is what brought me around to Sasazuka after gritting my teeth at his cruel and cold snark. That beneath that cold and demeaning exterior, he actually does care, a lot more than he’d like to admit. Once past that hard exterior, he’s actually pretty kind, no matter what his sharp tongue will tell you otherwise.

PROS AND CONS

PRO: He will speak his mind and tell it like it is. CON: He’s pretty petty and cruel in his mind, which can lead to some butting of heads, especially with those that are equally or more hot-headed than he is.

PRO: He is quite intelligent and efficient with his work and his life, for the most part. CON: He hates it when others are slower or can’t keep up with his inhumane pace. Enomoto is a frequent victim of his baka bombs and verbal abuse.

PRO: He will eat most things, as long they aren’t too bitter or spicy. CON: He will eat a ton of food in one sitting and still keep his slim figure. Let’s not get started on his diet of junk food and pre-made food like doughnuts, cup ramen, and delivery pizza.

PRO: Once you get past his barriers, he actually is pretty affection and straightforward with his feelings for you CON: Getting past said barriers.

PRO: He likes when you are straight with him, speaking your mind and being frank with him. CON: This may or may not lead to merciless teasing on his part, especially if he knows you for not being especially forward with your thoughts and feelings.

PRO: Once you two become an item, he is the most loyal partner you could ever ask for. CON: The possessiveness. Oh god, the possessiveness. He will forcibly pull you away from a situation where even a close friend is getting too friendly I’ll still be your wife, Sakuragawa! I’ll be your meat wife, please!!

Bae Rating 8.5/10

His snark won me over in previous routes and continued to be a joy throughout the previous routes. He never failed to make me laugh with his biting commentary. And throughtout the route, he continued to bring a smile to my face despite his treatment of Ichika, especially the uncalled for pet relationship.

He fits the tsundere description to a T, cold and biting on the outside while holding a softer side hidden away, waiting to be discovered with enough prodding.

Next route, the final round, the final countdown...

It’s the much anticipated Aiji Yanagi, the true canon route of the game.

I’m waiting on bated breath.

If anyone has a special request for a bae for me to review, here’s the most current list of games and routes I’ve completed thus far, plus who I’m currently pursuing for that game: Butts Touched Master List

Have a good day, lovelies, and remember to touch all the butts.