#what do i do. how do i rest my mind. how do i fix myself

[reiderwriter]

Unfair We're Not Somewhere

Chapter Eight of I Can't Help Myself

Summary: With a little bit of help from someone who could relate a little bit too closely to your situation, Y/N tries to come clean. Tries.

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy symptoms/ general pregnancy things, unsub mentions, plot.

A/N: Chapter Eight! I'm so excited for where the rest of this series is going to go, though I do feel like people are going to be a bit annoyed by this one lmao. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below or in an ask! Don't be too mad...

Masterlist || Add yourself to the tag list

You sat quietly in the clinic as you waited for the pharmacist to fill your prescription - a simple pregnancy multivitamin that was supposed to help your food go down, make your hair shinier, and fix all your problems.

You wondered if the bottle could tell Spencer you were pregnant. You wondered if it could make him magically okay with that and prepare him for fatherhood, too. 

Your phone buzzed, and you surfaced from the field of thoughts you'd been lost in as you checked it. 

“Outside,” an unknown number had sent. You took that as your queue, stood up, and left the clinic, trying your best to avoid looking back at the small boy Spencer had been playing with. 

You weren't sure if you were going to have a boy or a girl yet. You didn't mind either, though you'd always envisioned yourself with a big enough family that you assumed at least one of each was inevitable. Though even you had to admit how stereotypically nuclear that was, and how only 18% of the country was living that was lying anyway. 

You shoved psychology from your head for a few minutes and let yourself breathe.

“Y/N!” JJ signalled from the driver's side of her still running SUV. She waved slightly, and you smiled politely as you quickly paced around to the side of her vehicle and got in. 

“Hi,” you said, unsure if you should introduce yourself or not. She'd been in the office the day you'd been taken into custody (protection), but you still had yet to speak to her. She'd been exempt from protective duty so far due to her status as a senior field agent and the fact that she had two kids and a husband at home waiting for her. 

You were sad she was the anomaly in the BAU, the only one with someone waiting on her. 

“I'm Y/N,” you said, still unsure if you should hold out a hand or not. You hadn't made the best impression on most of Spencer's colleagues, and while you didn't think there was much point in trying, you still couldn't bring yourself to be intentionally blasé. 

“I know, you're all we've been talking about for weeks,” the woman laughed, pulling out of the clinic car park and smiling at you. 

“Oh, right. Case. Of course, I've heard you probably know more about me than I know about myself.” 

“We have a profile, sure, but that's not what I meant.” 

You nodded awkwardly and stared out the window for a second, the sky darkening slightly as it prepared to rain. 

You drove for a few minutes before JJ spoke up again. 

“I don't know if Emily told you, but it's actually my day off today,” she said, turning off into a cul-de-sac you'd never seen before. 

“Oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I could've just got a taxi or something or just… gotten over myself. You didn't have to-” 

“Yes, I did,” she looked at you for a second, cocking her head to the side in a gesture that said, ‘and you know why.’ It was a look only a friend would give, and you felt an instant connection with her. 

How had Spencer found so many wonderful, big-hearted women to surround himself with, and how could you get in on it? 

You supposed, by letting him get you pregnant, you'd probably found a cheat code for whatever the answer might have been. 

“Anyway, it's my day off, so I promised my boys a fun day at home with mommy. We're doing finger painting and macaroni art. I hope you don't mind getting messy.” 

“Wha-? Me? Oh. No, not at all,” you tried to seem nonchalant, but your heart suddenly beat faster now that you were faced with this unexpected opportunity. As a lecturer, you'd been surrounded by kids professionally for years now. 18 to 21 year old kids. The kind that already had defined morals, world views, and, secretly, alcohol tolerances. The last time you'd encountered any kind of child younger than 18 was when you yourself were under 18.

The joys of toiling away at a doctorate for the better half of your adult life. You knew how to talk to professors and scholars. You were absolutely scared shitless of interacting with a kid. 

“H-How old are they?” You asked, trying to sound polite but falling somewhere between anxious and terrified with a simple stutter. 

“Well, Henry is turning 8 in November, and Michael is just about 22 months. He's just about talking, which is as fun as you can expect.” 

Her voice was tired, but there was genuine affection there, love for her kids and pride. You wondered if your voice would change if you'd suddenly begin speaking like that, too, about something other than a paper submitted to a journal or a job opportunity. 

She pulled into a street parking space and turned off the engine as two bright haired little boys came bouncing up the path of their garden to greet her, stopping at the gate. 

“Mommy! Michael got glitter on the carpet, and Daddy said we shouldn't tell you.” 

“And you have no sense of loyalty when a pretty face comes around, do you?”

Hopping out of the car, you heard JJ's husband drawl as she greeted him with a kiss. She'd probably only taken half an hour to pick you up, but they were still greeting each other so warmly. For a second, you wondered what that would be like before you remembered throwing yourself into Spencer's arms the night before. Your face heated as you stood awkwardly at the side of the car, trying not to cradle your stomach as you watched the family interact. 

Would your baby ever get that tall? Would it have brown eyes like Spencer, or one's more similar to your own? His hair was curly. Maybe your baby would get hair that waved like his, too. 

After all, JJ's kids seemed like perfect compromises between her and her husband. Other people's kids didn't, though. You wondered a lot of things before JJ gestured you over again. 

“Henry, Michael, this is Aunt Y/N. She's going to do those crafts with us today - after we've locked away the glitter and thrown away the key.” 

You laughed as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pushed you forward into the chaos of two kids under ten. 

You were a little startled as the smaller one - Michael - grabbed your hand. He had a pacifier in his mouth, though he was probably outgrowing it, and he stared up at you with big, wide eyes, blinking and sizing you up as he toddled along beside you. 

Your heart grew three sizes, and you felt sorry for ever being afraid of interacting with the kids. 

JJ whispered to her husband quickly as you entered the LaMontagne household, and he greeted you quickly. 

“So you're Spencer's lady friend. It's nice to meet you. It's nice that you're real. Honestly, I was getting a little-” 

A look from JJ cut him off, though he did still seem a bit confused. 

“I'm sorry, am I under the wrong impression? JJ said you were pregnant with Spencer's baby, y'all aren't…” 

“Oh my god-” you whispered, suddenly panicking again but whispering just in case. You weren't sure if the pair was religious, and though you certainly weren't, it probably wasn't the best time to blaspheme. You needed as much god as existed in the world. 

“So, does everyone know?” You asked JJ, trying to keep your voice bright and calm, so Michael didn't take too much of an interest and grow frustrated by hushed tones. You knew enough about child development and psychology, it translated over, right? 

“Everyone who's observant. Luke noticed the pregnancy vitamins in your bag, Tara was talking about your mood swings in the office the other day. I guess you told Emily earlier, and I have two kids.” 

You nodded at the answer. 

“And Spencer?” 

“You haven't told him yet?” JJ asked, slightly surprised. 

“If I told him, you'd know.” 

��Well, you're right on that. He's not the most easy-going during pregnancy,” JJ laughed and steered you into the living space, where your de facto art studio had been set up for the day, along with the offending glitter bomb. 

“Really? You thought you could keep that a secret?” 

“Well, of anyone was going to find it, it was going to be my beautiful, smart, funny, profiler Wife,” Will said, giving her a small peck on the cheek as she rolled her eyes at him. “I'm clocking in now. Call me if you need anything.” 

You waved him off, and sat down with the kids. 

JJ started the craft and then planned your hasty escape as the two boys were enraptured by making the perfect macaroni necklace, dusting it in objectively too much glitter as they proudly created their art. 

In the kitchen, she handed you a mug, and you sipped it quietly as she began again. 

“So, you're not dating?” 

“Nope.”

“And he doesn't know you're pregnant?” 

“No.” You took another sip and shifted from one foot to the other. 

You knew what was coming next. It was what you'd gotten next from Emily, from Penelope, from yourself when you'd thought about it for longer than ten seconds. You needed to tell him. 

“Okay. What's your next move?” 

You were so shocked you almost splashed the hot tea over the mug you held, close to burning yourself as you turned to face her. 

“I… what?” 

“Well, what's your next move? You're what, five months along? You're not going to be able to hide it for much longer. And you have to think about maternity leave, your hospital stay, and names, and who's going to drive you to the hospital. And obviously, how you're going to pay the hospital fee, and then custody and child support.”

“Oh god…” 

“And you also have to sort your relationship out with Spencer. So where are you starting?” 

It wasn't a question that didn't have an answer. JJ was staring at you, waiting for one as you opened and closed your mouth, head suddenly so empty you almost forgot what you were talking about. 

“He doesn't like me,” you suddenly blurted and wished you hadn't, face crumpling as you physically cringed at your own words. 

“Y/N, he was telling us about your toothbrush yesterday. Part of the office has a theory that he made up this case as a reason to get closer to you.” 

Again, you felt the heat blossom on tour skin as you looked away, taking another sip. 

“We don't do anything but argue.” 

“You do at least one other thing,” JJ said, hands on her hips as she confronted you. 

“No, that doesn't count. We were still arguing while we were doing…that.” 

“TMI,” she groaned as you fanned yourself. “Y/N, I know for a fact that Spencer is at least half in love with you. If you're absolutely sure you don't feel the same way, you need to at least let him down easy.”

“I…. I don't know. He's infuriating sometimes, but then he's so smart and annoying. But he's pretty great at comforting me. And the, uh, the other stuff, that was good, too.” 

“Don't need to-” 

“Like really good. Like, I'm not surprised I ended up pregnant practically first time good-” 

“Back on topic, please!” JJ whisper shouted, throwing her hands up as you zipped your mouth shut.

“You like him,” she said. 

You sighed and finally gave in. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I like him.” 

“Great. What next?” 

“Next, I tell him I'm pregnant and make him hate me for a while.” 

She patted you on the back and poised you another mug of tea before leading you back over to the kids and sitting beside them at the table. 

“We can plan something later. For now, macaroni art is calling.”

You weren't sure if it was the stern, practical pep-talk from JJ or the little tiny grasp of your hand from Michael. Maybe it was even Henry's goodbye of ‘see you soon, Auntie Y/N’ that had you suddenly invigorated, but you suddenly kicked yourself into gear. 

The pregnancy wasn't going to put itself on pause while you worked up the courage to tell Spencer about it. You had to do it. 

JJ dropped you off at home at 6 p.m., knowing that Spencer would be back at the apartment shortly. 

“You're sure you don't need me to stay up there with you? The commute can get a bit long this time of night, Spencer could be anywhere between 15 and 45 minutes.”

“No, I think… I think I need some time to think about how I'm going to do this. I need some alone time.”

She nodded quietly and sent you off after calling Spencer and giving him an update on your whereabouts. 

You paced the apartment wondering what the best option was. 

You could go for the bookshelf again, though it was still organised into your first message. You'd not moved a book in that stack at all, and surprisingly, neither had Spencer. 

Running into your room, you grabbed the pair of baby shoes you'd thrown into your bag from your apartment. Maybe if you left them on the shelf next to the books…? 

You put them there and frowned, wondering if he'd be able to see them from the door when he walked in. He was so used to the surroundings of his house that he really didn't check for irregularities. 

You moved them to the coffee table. Then you wondered if you should just hand them to him when he walked in. 

“Spencer. I am..pregnant,” you practised, looking into the bathroom mirror as you tried to force a smile. 

“Spencer. We're pregnant. No, not a chance,” you sighed. 

“Spencer, I have a parasite growing in me. I've had it for five months now, and then I'll have it for another four and hopefully a long time after that as well.” 

That one was mostly a joke. Mostly. 

“Spencer, I… We're going to have a baby.” You looked down at your bump again and decided that was probably your best option. It wasn't a state. It wasn't a condition or a parasite. It was a baby. 

You rubbed your stomach again and looked up, wiping away tears from the corner of your eye as you composed yourself again. 

The doorbell rang, and your heart race picked up. It was time. Spencer was home, and you were going to tell him. 

Suddenly, you were filled with excitement, with happiness. You ran to the door, stepping on the sofa to get there quicker as you ran to pull it open. 

Maybe it was the pregnancy brain fog, but you forgot where you were. 

Spencer Reid lived in this apartment. He didn't need to knock on the door or ring the doorbell. He'd never done it before. But you'd already swung the door open quickly, and you were so relaxed and ready for it to be him that when a hand extended and covered your mouth with a cloth, thick with a scent that had your body protesting, you could do nothing but crumple to the floor with your hands cradling yourself, protecting the life growing within you. 

🔖@mindfullycriminal @aliteralsemicolon @r-3dlips @alexafromamazon15 @jasf444 @subunitless @thebloomingeagle @lackingoriginalthoughts @empressgraytea @2hiigh2cry @jiuseoks @readinglatenights @placidus @dreamsarebig

@pisceslovrr @waywardgoddess66 @tampon_racecar @kbaby-024 @luvdella @feyresqueen @a1dyn @pleasantwitchgarden @kolasbombaf @lovehadlovelost @kissesforspence @moonchildooh @bubbleebubz @theoraekenslover @melagem02 @calypso-read

@ari-aurelia @flipsideoflife @mggreidsreads @@farfromthehomelands @spicyspirit @donttrustlove @chicaconfudidaycuriosa @ivet4 @nox-xie @sarakay-gvf @miss-ev @@nvrlandqueen @delicatelittleworld @nokjhg @measure-in-pain @famouslynerdy @batrensworld @batrensworld

@Cattosmush @im-this-girl @Sarcasm-and-stiles @lovemelaunic @lllucere@ Cattosmush @lariclifford @daphnesutton Ccatstars @Iniyalovesall @solemnarration @emma-e-a @haygirleyhay Mel-knee @broadwaytraaaaash @Wildflowerpassion @itshardtopickaname @Timidquindim

@yourfavoritefangirl @waywardxrhea @Aliceofonederland @joshuafatubaee @jc10622 @timeboundkate @Roslxnxx @Gensthoughts23 @marvelshittt @lavvylove @Slitherss @mythumbhurts @Xiaexact @Honestlyloving @maryyy-8

@timeboundkate @justdamnpeachy @awezomezauce @darling006 @thefalseapp @chicaconfundidaycuriosa @fabulouslynerdy @short-mess @maeganme @crazyunsexycool @redmoonsofvenus @supraveng @lilscb @jackierose902109 @thebooklocket

[otaku0411]

A GLASS OF WHISKEY PLEASE?

SUMMARY: This takes place in LA, before the movie. You’re a bartender and you two meet and it might become a regular occurrence. *MIXED POV* *18+*

_______________________________________________

It’s another Friday night shift for you. Because of the nice sunny weather and the sports games that’s going on tonight, you have a good chance at making some money. You work a a fine casual dining restaurant as a bartender. The job is enough to be comfortable but not long term. When arriving at work, you greet your coworkers and begin prepping the bar.

Finishing up, you turn the TV to the MLB channel and see that the Dodgers and Yankees were playing. You let it play in the background, not knowing what is to come and soon you started getting customers.

It’s now 9:45 p.m. and the bar is PACKED! Middle aged men watching the game while drinking their beers, and guests conversing among each other. Despite all of the noise and some inconsiderate people, you were holding up well and just trying to make it through the night.

Eventually, you get everyone situated and things started to slow down. You got one more hour til closing and you’re relieved that it’s almost over.

I’m washing the glasses in the sink when I see a man sitting at the bar. I dry my hands off and go to take his order.

“How you doing sir, what can I get you started off with?” I asked him. He look at me and gave me a small smile. I was never one to be nervous around men, especially since being a bartender I dealt with the worse in men, but his aura and demeanor did something to me that even I couldn’t put into words.

“I’m fine, can you start me off with a whiskey meat and some wings please?” He answered, still holding that grin. I nodded “ID please?” He hands me his ID KENJI SATO, never heard of him. I handed his ID back and fixed his drink. Once I gave it to him, I commented, “I wouldn’t expect you to be a whiskey kind of guy.”

His thick eyebrows rise up with my comment. “What do you mean by that.” “I mean you’re a young and seemingly fit person. I would’ve just expected like a tequila or a beer kind of guy is all I’m saying.”

He chuckled at my answer. “If I’m being honest, I do prefer my beers. But after the day I’m having, only whiskey could make me feel better.” He sips on his drink.

“Well if you ever wan to talk about my day. I would be more than happy to hear. After all, a bartender is like part therapist.” I joked at the end. For a minute it look like he was considering it, but ultimately he declined. “No I don’t want to get into it. It’s Friday and everyone should be in a good mood. Plus I don’t like making pretty women upset with my problems.” He smirked as I could feel myself getting flustered. I quickly turned away from him before he could see my face.

I continue to tend to other customers but I glance at him whenever I get the opportunity. He seems to be focused on the TVs. I admire him a little more and see how well kept and attractive he is. His black compression shirt is complimenting his physique and he run through his hair every now and again. Of course, it’s Hollywood and there’s beautiful people everywhere but as corny as it sounds he’s different.

I go back to him to check up on how’s he’s doing and offer another drink. “No thank I’m good. I’m ready for my tab please.” I print out his ticket and he asked “How much is it?” “Just $32 dollars. You just got a drink and appetizer.”

He takes out a fifty and a twenty. “Keep the rest. I had a good time. When you work if you don’t mind me asking?” I was a little taken aback from his questions. I never give out my work schedules because of creeps and stories I hear. However there’s a first time for many.

“Well I obviously work Friday night and Saturday night. If you want to see me, you’ll have to come here every night to see for yourself.” I smirked. Most guys would just say fuck you! But his guy, he smirked back and came forward to in my ears “Challenge accepted.” He whispered. “I’ll see you next week then.” He walked off but before he did, he looked back and gave me a final smile.

By the time he left, it was ready to close. As I’m cleaning up my station, my coworker comes up to me and shrieked. “OMG! YOURE SO LUCKY! YOU GOT TO SERVE KENJI SATO!!” I look at her confused not knowing what the heck she’s talking about. “Yeah, what about him?” I asked. She look at me dumbfounded “KENJI SATO! The baseball who plays for the Dodgers.” She pull up her phone and my mouth dropped when I saw who was on her screen.

How tf can I be so dumb. It all makes sense now. His Jacket, the muscle, his attractive face. I get celebrities and influencers often time, but rarely do I get athletes.Especially now that he’s going to be a regular of mine.

“Well this job just got a lot more interesting.”

_______________________________________________

A/N: HEYY YALL! Thank you so much for reading this story! It’s the first fanfics I’ve written in years😭 So if I make any mistakes, please tell me.

But I’ve been fixated on this man for a week now, which is why I’m writing this story. I hope you enjoy this story.

Also this will be a three part story. I am already halfway done with part two so it’ll be released by tomorrow🌸!

‼️‼️UPDATE: PART TWO IS OUT, ITS PINNED ON MY PAGE‼️‼️

[mustainegf]

→ masterpost

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟒

It was August 1992, and the summer day was hot and uncomfortable. The last two months were in a rushing wave of fast preparation and emotion. But every night passed with me wondering if James would ever make the time to be with the baby. The tour was eating him up, hence leaving me to sail through pregnancy mostly alone.

Today was no different. Finally, it was time for another ultrasound, though I had been waiting for a fair few days. I wanted to see my baby again, to get a sight of something so beautiful taking place within me. It would be edged with sadness, though; after all, I was going to do this alone. I pushed all those feelings away and started to drive toward the clinic.

The waiting room was cool, a friendly difference to the suffocating heat outside. I checked in and took a seat as my hands rest over my growing belly protectively.

My mind wandered back to the last time I had spoken with James, how we talked about his visit, how hopeful I had been. The days turned to weeks, the weeks to months, yet hope was starting to dwindle.

The nurse's voice broke me free as she called my name, and I got up from my chair. Wandering with her across the waiting room, I attempted to forget and shake off the thoughts.

The ultrasound technician beamed at me. "Hi, How are we feeling today?

"Nervous, but excited," I added as I climbed up on the exam table. "It's always nice to see my baby."

Her smile widened and she nodded. "Well, let's take a look. We'll see how things are going."

She spread the gel on my bare tummy and prepared the equipment. And I kind of breathed in deep, trying to center myself. The gel laying on my belly was so freaking cold, and I started shaking a little, fighting to keep my eyes fixed on the screen as the technician moved over my belly.

"There we go," she said softly, pointing to the screen. "There's your baby.”

And there my eyes filled with tears as I watched the screen and viewed that small, fluttering form. Astonishing to see my baby in this light, knowing that soon I would hold them in my arms. The technician measured everything to the millimeter, rechecking all the dimensions and angles and giving a running commentary.

"Your baby looks perfect," she said. "Strong heartbeat, good growth. Everything is just as it should be."

The wash of relief that covered me was immense, and I smiled. "Thank you," I whispered, choking with emotion.

The lab technician considered me for a moment before responding, "Would you also like to know the gender?"

I started for a moment before shaking my head. "No, I want it to be a surprise."

She nodded in the affirmative, "That's a good idea. A surprise is always nice."

She continued the scan and asked, "So, where's daddy today?"

It was such a simple question, but boy, did it hit hard. I amassed a smile that felt so very brittle. "He's on tour," I answered quietly.

The technician gave a look of sympathy. "That must be so hard on you, doing this on your own."

I nodded, the tears threatening to return. "Does daddy make music?” She asked, continuing to assess me.

Her questions meant well, I knew that, but they couldn’t help but feel a bit intrusive. “Yeah…” I answered shortly.

She patted my arm reassuringly. "You're doing great, hun. None of this is easy, but this baby is very lucky to have you."

The words soothed a painful place inside me, though what they changed in my life was nothing.

The session was over and she printed a couple of photographs for me to go home with. "Here you are," she smiled as she handed me the print out, "You can keep these until you meet your little one."

"Thank you." I could barely hear my own voice above a whisper. I lowered the pictures into my bag, feeling as though my insides ached with something that was foreign. This should have been an experience shared with James, a moment together. Instead, he was miles away, wrapped up in his own world, probably drunk, or in bed with another woman.

As I left the clinic and walked into the bright sunlight, the reality of it all hit me again. I felt lonely, missing James. But most importantly, I felt good. I had seen my baby; they were alright and were growing just fine. That was the most important thing.

The baby's ultrasound photos went on the bulletin board in the nursery at home. The room was slowly coming together with all of the things I picked out: I sat back for a few minutes and stared at the pictures of my baby.

Sat on the floor, back to the wall, I sat with cradled hands over my belly. "I can't wait to meet you," I whispered, feeling connected to the little life within me. "We're going to be okay, you and me. I love you, and hopefully daddy does too.”

It had been an emotional day, long and dragging. I had spent the evening in the nursery trying to get as much done as possible. The room was slowly taking shape, the room that would, very soon, cuddle my little bundle of joy. The thought of a missing crib only made me frustrated.

I sat on the floor for hours, surrounded by piles of baby things that I had purchased, and dreamed about how our baby would look in the tiny clothes, what he or she would look like when they learned to walk and talk.

That room, which used to resonate with music of James, was silent now but instilled with something new. All the items I placed and replaced brought calm and clarity of purpose to me. Every little bit of the nursery was like taking little steps toward the future, a future where James is part of it. I wished.

I then took one final look at the nursery. There was so much work, just yet to be done. I turned out the light, then I headed to the bedroom, my body aching from the day's work, just another day in paradise.

I lay in bed, my hand on my belly, as I felt the baby. "We still need to get you a crib," I whispered with a smiling mouth. "But don't you worry, I’ll get everything ready for you sweetie.”

Now, the day was catching up to me. My eyelids were feeling heavy, and I dozed off. I was dreaming of that nursery, all of those little clothes, all those firsts, so near, yet so far.

The shrill ring of the phone pulled me from deep sleep. I was disoriented and groggy, stumbling in the darkness. My heart was pounding against my chest. Who the hell could be calling at this hour? Fear took hold as I stumbled out of bed to make my way towards the kitchen to answer the phone.

"Hello?" I croaked, thick voiced with sleep.

The voice on the other end was calm and asked for my name.

"Yes, that’s me," I answered, finding anxiety creeping into my voice. "Who is this?"

"This is Dr. Reynolds from the Montreal General Hospital in Canada. I'm calling because you were listed as the emergency contact for a James Alan Hetfield."

The words chilled me to my core. "Yes- What's happened? What’s going on?”

There was a pause. I could hear the doctor's controlled breathing. "I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that he’s been in a pyrotechnic accident. He suffered severe burns and he’s in critical condition."

The room spun around me. "Oh my God," I whispered, feeling weak in my legs. I grasped the counter to hold myself up. "How bad is it? Is he going to be okay?

“He's stable for now,” Dr. Reynolds told me in a very, very calm voice, which only made me shake all the more. "But his injuries are serious. We're doing everything we can, but this is going to be a really long road to recovery."

Tears running down my face, I tried to get everything straight in my head. "Sir.. I- I want to be there." I stammered. "But I don't have the money to fly to Canada. And I'm pregnant.”

The voice of the doctor was now softened. "I understand."

The thought of James lying there, hurt and alone, in that hospital bed was almost too much to bear. I put one hand on my belly and felt the light movements of the baby inside me.

"I know this is hard. James is in good hands here, and we're doing everything we can for him. If you have any other questions or need to speak to someone, please don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you," I said that word again, packing a huge amount of gratitude and helplessness into it. "Please… please tell James I love him when he wakes up. Tell him to call me, please.”

“I will," Dr. Reynolds reassured me. "Take care, ma’am."

I hung up the phone and my hands were shaking. This all just felt like a dream because this couldn't actually be happening because it just didn't feel real.

I fell to the floor, clutching at my stomach, tears raining down my face. I wished I could just hold my baby. Thinking about James in that hospital bed, all alone, in pain, was mocking my thoughts.

I didn't want anything more than to be there with him, holding his hand, letting him know everything was going to be alright, despite how big of an asshole he’s been.

I didn’t care if he’d hurt me, not right now. I just needed him to be alive.

[noxtivagus]

😩

[skunkes]

reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit

[milo-is-rambling]

I just want to cry what the fuck

[mattybsgroupie]

mine | matt sturniolo

contents: cursing; fighting; (kinda) toxic relationship; handjob (m receiving); oral (f receiving); use of “y/n”; lowkey sub!matt

- ♡ -

as we arrived at his house, i slammed the door shut behind me. “can you stop being an asshole?” i yelled, getting closer to him.

“yes? if you stop acting like a fucking whore” matt said, raising his voice at me.

“shut up matthew” i was serious this time, and he could it see it in my eyes. “don’t act like you didn’t notice how every fucking girl there was hitting on you”.

matt rolled his eyes back, giving me a whole grin before shouting “you sat on his LAP!”

“he’s my friend!” i answered. “i know him longer than i’ve known you!”

“you’re my fucking girl!”, his loud voice filled the living room to the point it made me shrug, not being able to get a word out of my mouth.

i stayed there, quiet. my arms were crossed as i stared into his eyes — i could instantly tell he regretted saying that. matt was moving in circles, scratching his freshly shaved beard and cracking his knuckles before coming back to me.

“okay? you’re my girl y/n. you can’t do shit like that and expect me to be fine about it” he grabbed my face with both of his hands and stared back at me, talking in an angry, almost demanding tone. his touch, however, was still soft.

“no matthew, i’m not your fucking girl if you’re not gonna be my fucking guy. what the fuck was that scene for?” i put my hands over his and removed them.

“listen y/n, i can’t do this. i’m sorry, okay? i’m sorry but it’s better if we go to sleep. i’m fucking tired and you’re drunk” matt never liked to sort things out during a heated moment. he needed some time alone to align his thoughts and finally being able to solve the problem.

“i’m not drunk, matt. i had a couple drinks with your brother, that’s all”.

“and that explains how you end up grinding over some guy’s lap?” he asked me again, and now i was the one who didn’t want to keep on fighting.

“you know what? you’re right. it’s better if we go to bed. but i’m gonna go back to my fucking bed, at my fucking house” i said as i walked out, not bothering looking at his face. “so have a good night by yourself matthew, you ruined the whole night”.

i stopped by the sidewalk, trying to put myself together as tears began to form in my eyes. not only i was angry and disappointed at matt, but i had no one to take me back home since he’s been the one doing this for the past year. on top of that, the weather had completely changed and i was fucking freezing.

i heard the door unlocking and his steps getting closer, but i didn’t dare looking back.

“y/n, what the fuck are you doing? come inside” matt asked and i realized he had snapped out of it already. his voice was tender and full of emotion.

“no, i’m calling an uber”.

“babe” low blow. matt knows how much i like it when he calls me pet names. “it’s late. please come, it’s getting fucking cold here”.

“good” i turned without thinking and finally saw his face again. just like me, he had red cheeks and eyes filled with tears. “you should freeze to death”.

“yeah, i’ll keep that in mind” he smiled. “y/n i’m sorry. i’m sorry that i didn’t say to those girls i had a girlfriend and i’m sorry i raised my voice at you. i know i shouldn’t have done that, can you please forgive me? please?” matt looked at me with puppy eyes. “you don’t have to do it right now but at least get inside. i’ll drop you off in the morning after you rest and we’ll fix things up. please, babe”.

i nodded my head, agreeing silently - i wasn’t gonna say a word to him. i got back to the house and quickly went upstairs, making myself comfortable in his big bed. matt didn’t follow me, and though i wouldn’t lock the door on him, he knew he was going to sleep on the couch.

- ♡ -

i glanced at the nightstand clock, 3AM. i couldn’t fall asleep without matt. i missed his smell, his touch, his warmth, the way he’d let me rest my head over his chest while caressing my back or the days where he’d give up acting tough and giving in to my touch, deeply asleep while i kept running my fingers through his curls.

i went downstairs. i had to - my heart was as heavy as my eyes.

i saw matt all curled up on the plain couch, not having a blanket or a pillow. he hadn’t even changed his clothes, still wearing the same grey jeans and black shirt he went out with earlier.

i instinctively got closer and lied down with him, trying my best to not wake matt up. just being around him like this made me let out a long breathe, finally being able to relax.

“hm? babe?” he murmured, too sleepy to actually look at me.

“cant sleep without you. shut up”

“c’m here” matt opened his arms, allowing me to snuggle into him “are you still mad? i love you. love you so much”

i loved him even more. gosh, how much i love him.

i tried to get even closer to him, glueing our bodies together as my hand rested on his thigh. i couldn’t help but kiss his jaw, playfully biting all over him. he giggled softly, melting into my touch as i kept trailing down his neck with kisses.

as i reached his sweet spot, i noticed matt’s breath had gotten slower and heavier. he didn’t say anything - in fact, i don’t think he even bothered opening his eyes - but didn’t complain as i deepened my pecks, slowing sucking onto his pale skin.

of course i was gonna give matt a hickey. if he says i’m his, then i’ll show he’s also mine.

i slowly moved my hands to his waistband, altering between tickling his lower belly and teasing his boxers.

“y/n… fuck” matt mumbled.

“hm? want me to stop?” i asked just to make sure.

“n-no, don’t. i’m… getting hard” he stared at his pants before giving me puppy eyes once again.

“are you gonna be a good boy and behave for once, matt?”

“uhum. yes yes i will” matt started speaking mindlessly, agreeing with anything i'd tell him to do.

“yeah? gonna stop acting like you’re a tough guy?”

“y-you know that im not that tough…” he whispered shyly before looking away.

“you’re right. you’re just a silly boy, aren’t you matthew?” no response. “answer me.”

“y/n, please”

“please what?”

“please let me touch you” he leaned in, trying to kiss my lips. i didn't let him go any further than a peck. “need you so bad”.

“let me take care of you first, hm?” i asked, eventually getting a grip of his bulge over his pants.

“yes babe, fuck” he nodded frantically, eager for me to get him off.

“don’t you think it’s funny?” i said, adjusting myself on the sofa so i could finally unbutton his jeans. “few hours ago you were man enough to call me a slut”. i put my hands inside matt’s pants, palming his hardened cock through his boxers. i could feel a wet spot building up, letting me know his pre-cum was already leaking. “and now you can’t even say what you want?” i teased.

“wanna be good for you” he whimpered as i removed his last piece of cloth, freeing his dick out. matt’s hips bucked into the air, begging to get some friction. “please, please, i’ll behave! i promise i’ll be your good boy”, he cried. poor thing.

i went back to kissing matt while wrapping my fingers around his length, pumping him at a slow pace. i could hear his whines and the small moans he tried to cover by biting his own lips. i placed my thumb at his tip, circling it and spreading the pre-cum down his cock.

matt had gone even quieter, left arm covering half of his face as if he was too embarrassed to admit how much he needed my touch.

soon enough, i had fastened my pace and tightened my grip, his voice finally coming out “i’m gonna cum”.

“did you get permission?”, i asked. he knew how things worked.

“f-fuck y/n, please. wanna cum so bad” matt whimpered once again, cheeks as red as his tip.

“well, you weren’t being a good boy today. do you really think you deserve it?”

“im sorry ah-” he moaned loudly “please, wanna cum. wanna cum for you” he kept repeating over and over, suddenly replacing the words with babbles full of lewd sounds. i could tell how hard he was trying to not release, worried he’d wouldn’t be a good boy anymore.

“go on, baby boy. make a mess for me” it took matt just a few seconds to sputter his cum all over my hand with a loud cry, hips jointing forward during his orgasm. i kept on softly palming his cock as he came back from his high, trying my best to not overstimulate him.

“you're SO fucking good” matt groaned, eyes still closed. “oh” he noticed i had my hand full of his release, “can i make it up to you?”

i nodded and matt grabbed his jeans to clean us up in the sloppiest way i've ever seen. he pulled his boxers back up and got off the couch, leaving me with furrowed eyebrows as i tried to understand whatever he was planning to do. he then took his shirt off so i could see all the purple spots i've left throughout his neck and collarbone, throwing it somewhere and kneeling in front of me. fuck.

matt placed his hands by the sides of my legs and decided to rest his face on my thighs, deeply starring at me with those blue eyes that would drive me insane. he then placed his fingers on my waistband, teasing me in the same way i had done earlier. it didn’t took long until he realized i wasn't wearing any panties and the sweaters i had on were, in fact, his.

“no panties and you don't want me calling you a slut?” he asked before licking his lips.

“matt, be a good boy” i said, reminding him of what had just happened.

“well” he slowly started removing my pants. “i think you should learn how to be a good girl as well”.

i was now fully exposed and matt couldn't shut up about it “you're so fucking wet”, he'd say while placing kisses on the insides of my thighs. as he got closer to my crotch and his kisses turned into love bites, i lost my sense of control - we had the same power over each other, each one of us letting go of any and all armors during intimate moments like this one.

i couldn't help but forcing my hips down on him, whining as i felt his heavy breathing against my clit. matt smiled and looked at me before giving one long lick from my hole back to my clit, just like a kitten. i gasped when he started to swirl his tongue on me and my hands instinctively went to his fluffy hair, holding onto him as if my life depended on it.

i was already on the verge of releasing - anything from him would make me come right on the spot. matt kept on scratching my thighs and occasionally holding my hips to stop me from moving around so much.

“fuck babe, your pussy is so fucking pretty” he said as he moved to my entrance, teasing me with the tip of his tongue. my dripping wet cunt made it easier for matt to get in, and he already knew i was getting close as my pussy throbbed over his face.

not a single word came out of my mouth, the living room being filled with my high pitched whimpers when matt placed his thumb over my clit and played with it - while still eating me out.

“wanna taste you” he almost begged. “wasn't i your good boy? shouldn't you cum in my mouth as a reward?” he started sucking my clit and when my eyes met his, i was thrown off the edge. my orgasm crashed down on me, making my legs tremble as i kept on moaning, matt slowing driving me through it.

i came back to my senses and found matt looking so satisfied, as if he actually had an entire meal - swollen, wet lips, messy hair and the biggest smile on his face. he came closer to my face and allowed me to have a taste of myself in a lewd kiss, both of us acknowledging our fight was over.

“i love you so much”, he whispered. “i love you even more” i said, pulling him back up to the sofa and tangling my legs around his waist, letting his body collapse onto mine as we went on our way to finally get some sleep.

- ♡ -

[luvvsim]

⋆ ｡⋆୨୧˚— CALL ME BABY !

𝜗𝜚 ༘⋆ ⋆˙pairing. boyfriend! nishimura riki x fem! reader. synopsis. after spending hours on getting ready for a date and riki then cancelling, you weren’t going to forgive him quite easily! genre. angst ,, fluff. wc. 1280. 𝐥u𝐧a notes ⋆.˚ how i love riki!! schools done for a week omggg. <3 🫧 — 𝓵𝗂𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗋𝔂

if you enjoyed reading,, please reblog & like!! <3

YOU SAT IN THE CHATTER FILLED CLASSROOM, staring blankly at the board while your thoughts were churned with a mix of anger and frustration.

yesterday was supposed to be a special day. you had planned a cute date with riki, one you had been looking forward to the entire week.

you had spent hours getting ready, picking out the perfect outfit, curling your hair, and even doing a special make up look!

but just as you were about to leave, your phone buzzed with a message from your boyfriend,

"sorry, something came up baby :( , i can't make it today."

the disappointment had been like a punch to the gut. you tried to brush it off, and telling yourself that things happen, but it still angered you.

today, in class, you could feel the weight of that disappointment hanging over you. you had avoided riki all morning, not trusting yourself to keep your emotions in check.

when the door to the classroom swung open and riki walked in, you rolled your eyes, not being able to keep your pettiness inside of you.

he looked around, his eyes searching for you. when he finally spotted you, he gave you a small, shy and hesitant smile. you averted your gaze over to your notebook, pretending to be caught up in your notes.

he approached your desk, his usual playful and loud demeanour replaced with an unfamiliar one.

"hey, baby.." he said softly, taking a seat beside you. "can we talk? we haven’t spoken all day and it’s already last block…"

you nodded, keeping your eyes fixed on your notebook. "what is it, riki?"

his eye twitched as he grimaced at the use of his name, a look of hurt flashing across his face.

"i... i wanted to apologize for yesterday. i know i disappointed you, and i'm really, really sorry. something unexpected came up, but it’s no excuse. i should have told you sooner but it slipped my mind."

you took a deep, shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. "it's not just about yesterday, riki. it's about you not considering my feelings. i spent hours getting ready for you, and you cancelled last minute. it really hurt, and you didn’t even bother explain why."

riki reached out to take your hand in his, but you pulled away huffing. he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "i know, angel, and i feel terrible about it, i’ll punch myself if you want me to! i want to make it up to you. please, just forgive give me and give me a chance."

you finally looked at him, giggling at the use of his words, as your eyes meet his. there was genuine remorse and sincerity in his expression, and it tugged at your heart, feeling warm.

"how do you plan to do that, mmh?"

he brightened slightly, his eyes lighting up with a spark of hope, and it made you feel even warmer, how could he even have this pull over you when you’re mad? you thought.

"i have something planned for after school. it's a surprise, but i promise it'll be special. please, just come with me?"

you hesitated, the lingering feelings of wanting revenge still fresh in your mind. but the dedication in his voice and the way he looked at you like you were the only person in the world made it very very hard to stay mad.

"okay," you said finally, breaking the silence. "i'll give you a chance, i guess.”

riki's face broke into a relieved smile. "thank you. i promise you won't regret it."

the rest of the class passed in a blur. you were curious about what riki had planned, but you kept your guard up, not wanting to let your hopes get too high. when the final bell rang, riki was at your side in an instant, his excitement radiating off of him.

"ready?" he asked, his eyes shining as he looked into yours.

you nodded, allowing him to take your hand this time. he led you out of the school and towards the park nearby.

as you walked hand in hand, he kept glancing at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. when you reached the park, you saw a blanket spread out under a large tree, a picnic basket in the center, with a bow wrapped around a teddy bear.

"i know it's not much," riki said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "but i wanted to do something special for you."

you looked at the picnic setup, your heart melting at the effort he had put into it. "riki, this is absolutely perfect."

his face lit up with joy. "really? i'm glad you like it, only the best for my princess."

he led you to the blanket and helped you sit down. the basket was filled with your favorite snacks and drinks, and there was even a small bouquet of flowers. as you started to eat, riki kept glancing at you, a nervous look in his eyes.

"are you still mad at me?" he asked quietly, almost whispering as he awaited your response.

you took a deep breath, feeling the last of your anger melting away. "no, i'm not mad anymore, riki. but you have to understand how much it hurt when you cancelled last minute."

"i do," he said honestly. "and i promise i'll do better. you're important to me, and i don't want to make you feel like that ever again, i love you."

you smiled softly, feeling the sincerity in his words. "thank you, riki.. i love you too.”

you said whispering as you caressed his face in adoration, your heart bursting with love.

he beamed, leaning closer to you. "does this mean i can hear you call me baby again? i really missed hearing you say it."

you gigged, the sound light and genuine, riki smiling at the sound he had oh so loved. "i don’t know if you've earned it..." teasing riki.

riki's eyebrows furrowed as he nudged at your arm. "please, say it. just once."

you rolled your eyes playfully but couldn't help the smile that spread across your face. "okay, baby."

he let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders finally relaxing from the stress in his body. "you have no idea how much better that makes me feel."

the rest of the afternoon was spent with laughter and lighthearted talks. riki kept finding ways to make you smile, his usual playful self making a full return. as the sun began to set, casting a beautiful sunset over the park, he reached out to take your hand again.

"i'm really sorry for messing up," he said quietly. "i know i can be a bit of an idiot sometimes, but i really do care about you."

you squeezed his hand, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "i know you do. just... don't forget our dates again, okay?"

he nodded vigorously. "never again. i promise."

“good” you replied, finally taking his face in your hands, kissing him softly.

you giggled into the kiss as you felt riki grinning as he let out a content sigh.

as you both sat there, two souls intertwined in love, watching the sunset with riki by your side, you felt peace settle over you.

the anger from yesterday had faded, replaced by the warmth of his love. you leaned your head on his shoulder, feeling his arm wrap around you in a comforting embrace.

"i love you, baby," he whispered, his voice filled with love.

you smiled, feeling your heart swell with happiness. "i love you so much, riki."

and in that moment, everything felt right.

© luvvsim 2024

taglist open <3 @luvlyhee @sjyunnsworld @shawnyle

send an ask or lmk in the comments to be added !! ㅤㅤ(ꈍᵕꈍ)ㅤ

[444lec33]

The Arrangement // Mafia!Lando x Reader Pt. 4

Series master list can be found here

Summary: Your wedding night with Lando shows you a side of him he'd rather keep hidden

WC: 2.7k

Warnings: typical banter between Lando and reader, mentions of physical injuries, Lando doing mafia stuff, there's only on bed trope

No descriptions of reader's physical appearance

Author's note: Lando nose scar enthusiasts this is for us!! 🧡

“You know you still haven’t told me where we’re going for our honeymoon.” 

Lando’s eyes remained fixed on the road. 

“Wait. Are we even going on a honeymoon? Do you get to take vacations from crime?” You teased turning to look at your new husband. 

“Very funny,” he deadpanned but a smile broke through. “And yes, I’m taking you somewhere, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t.” His eyes looked at you seriously. 

You sat back as Lando continued to drive. It was only then that you realized you hadn’t packed anything. You were too concerned with the loss of your freedom to plan outfits. 

“I don’t have luggage, we can’t go now.” 

“We’re not leaving now, we’re heading to the hotel.” 

At that your eyes widened, you turned to face your new husband. “Hotel tonight then honeymoon. I would take you back to mine for the night but that side chick you mentioned before is still there.” 

“Not funny, didn’t laugh.”

Lando couldn’t hold back his laughter. “Just relax, we’ll be there soon.” 

☽☽☽☽☽☽☾☾☾☾☾☾

You found yourself in the most lavish hotel you’d ever seen. Lando clearly spared no expenses for tonight. You’d done a full tour of the luxurious space while Lando took a call in a different room. When he returned you were sitting by the window taking in the beautiful view of the city at night. 

“You did good, but you forgot something.” 

“Did I?” Lando questioned as he removed his jacket.

“Mhmm, there’s only one bed.”

Lando was quiet for so long you had to turn and look at him. The two of you stared at each other saying nothing. You were the one to break the silence. 

“You can sleep on the floor. Although that chair over there does look pretty comfy,” you pointed at a lush velvet accent chair in the corner of the bedroom. “The bathtub in the en suite is another option. Not too sure how comfortable marble is but I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Lando rolled his eyes as he kicked off his shoes. “I’m sleeping in this bed.”

You shook your head crossing your arms over your chest. “No, I’m sleeping in this bed so you can’t.” 

Lando was clearly enjoying this argument. “If you were rational you’d just agree to share it. All that tells me is you clearly don’t have the self control to sleep beside me.”

Was this man insinuating that you were thirsty? Oh no. 

“Hah. I didn’t realize you were a comedian. Nice joke.” Now you were standing right in front of the man you’d just married. “I can keep my hands to myself just fine, thanks.” 

Lando leaned back, elbow propped against the soft duvet. “So prove it.” His dimples were showing as he spoke. “Get in the bed.” 

His hand found yours and he attempted to pull you closer. You swatted him away. “ I have to shower and so do you.”

“That sounds good. I usually like the water a bit colder but I know women prefer hot water,” he said while unbuttoning his dress shirt.  

You looked at him with wide eyes. “I am not showering with you.” Your disbelief at his assumption was evident in your tone. 

“Well if you change your mind...” he winked, backing into the en suite. You heard the water running as you collected everything you needed from your suitcase. 

Once you’d showered and carried out your nightly routine you returned to the bedroom to find Lando lounging comfortably on the bed. 

When he noticed you he smiled, flipping back the covers and patting the spot next to him. “Come join me.” You rolled your eyes but obeyed having had enough of your new husband’s antics for one day. 

For the rest of the night you found yourself actually enjoying Lando’s company. The two of you fell into easy conversation that carried on throughout the night. Eventually you selected a movie to watch as the two of you comfortably lounged in the bed you’d finally decided to share. 

“What is that?” Lando questioned looking at your dessert that room service had just delivered. 

“It’s ice cream,” you raised an eyebrow at him. 

“It’s green,” he said looking slightly mortified. 

“It’s pistachio and it’s delicious.” You dipped your spoon in and offered it to him. Lando suspiciously eyed the frozen treat before reluctantly accepting a taste. 

“A criminal who’s afraid of food coloring,” you laughed at your own joke. “How did I get so lucky?” 

Lando rolled his eyes at you as he got comfortable in the bed. He grabbed the remote control from the nightstand and switched the TV to something different. You asked him to put on The Proposal, your favorite romcom.

You drifted off into a peaceful sleep, Lando’s arm thrown protectively over your waist as the two of you slept. 

You’d fallen into such a deep sleep that the noise around you barely caused you to stir. The bedside light being switched on was enough to pull you from your dreams causing you to rub at your eyes as your vision adjusted. You stretched your hand out across the warm bed, not liking the emptiness you found on the other side. 

Now fully awake, you sat up. Casting your eyes to the other end of the room you saw Lando, phone pressed to his ear as he pulled on clothes. He was trying his hardest to be quiet but evidently his efforts were in vain. He was speaking in a rushed tone when his eyes caught yours. 

“Shit.” He shifted the phone to his other ear before quickly ending the call. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you but-“

“What the hell is going on?” You wanted answers for your new husband’s erratic behavior. You tapped on your phone screen unsurprised to find that it was still the very early hours of the morning. The sun hadn’t even risen yet.

“I’ve um, I’ve gotta go.”

“And where exactly are you going? The sun isn’t even up.” 

Lando sighed, clearly not wanting to get into it with you. “Somethings come up and I have to take care of it. Go back to sleep. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”

The look on your face told your husband you weren't entirely sold on his words. Lando sat on the side of the bed, his hand coming up to rest on your knee. “Some of my men are outside. They’re going to make sure you’re safe. If you need anything let them know. Don’t go anywhere until I get back.” 

You rolled your eyes at Lando’s words. If there was one thing he still had to learn about you it was the fact that you hated being told what to do. You’d spent your entire life living under the direction of others and you refused to have the same rules apply to your marriage. 

“Lando, I am a grown woman. I can do whatever I want to. How do you expect me to listen when you won’t even tell me what the hell is happening?” 

“It’s for your own good,” Lando stated refusing to budge on the issue. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

Lando drew closer, leaning into you. He placed soft kissed on your forehead and nose before ending at your lips. “How am I supposed to keep you safe if you won’t listen to me? Be a good little wife and do what I’m asking of you.”

You were going to speak but Lando stopped you, his thumb coming up to trace your bottom lip. “Get some beauty sleep. I’ll be back, I promise.”

A successive round of knocks at the door startled you. You could hear men calling your husband’s name, alerting you to how urgent the matter truly was. 

Lando stood up, he reached into the nightstand and pulled out a weapon you had no idea he’d stashed there. He tucked it away in his waistband as a marched towards the door. 

“Lando!” You shouted his name as he opened the door. “Just… be careful, okay?” He nodded at you, a tired smile on his face. 

And with that the door slammed. You were all alone. Alone on your wedding night nonetheless. How did you get so lucky?

☽☽☽☽☽☽☾☾☾☾☾☾

Sleep proved to be a futile task as you found yourself tossing and turning in the large bed, unable to find comfort. You groaned as you tossed the covers off of you and found your phone. There was no point in texting your friends if you couldn’t explain the situation to them anyways. You didn’t even bother to reach out to your parents. They knew exactly what they’d sighed you up for and clearly couldn’t care less.

You sent Lando a few texts not expecting him to respond but hoping he would. You opened your camera roll and scrolled through some of the photos from your wedding. It truly was a beautiful event. You if your grandmother was right you might actually remember it as one of the best days of your life.

You selected a few photos you wanted to share on Instagram. You tried but failed again at reaching Lando before your eyelids grew heavy and you clicked your phone off. Sleep finally won you over.

You weren’t sure what time it was or how long you’d been asleep when the sound of the door opening roused you. In walked Lando who tried his hardest to avoid you hoping to make it into the bathroom before you noticed his arrival. 

“Hey! What happened?” You questioned sitting up in the bed more alert than ever. 

Lando stopped in his tracks at the sound of your voice, a sigh emanating from his lips. 

“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.” You rolled your eyes as you tossed the covers off of you and sprang to your feet. 

“Seeing how I have no intentions of becoming a widow anytime soon I’d like to know what’s going on with my husband.” You grabbed Lando’s arm forcing him to face you. You were caught off guard by the sight of the man in front of you. 

“Oh my…” you trailed off as your hands covered your mouth in shock. What exactly had he been up to these last few hours? Your breath hitched as you reached out to grasp Lando’s chin. You turned his face every which way taking in the sight of him. 

“It’s nothing,” he whispered still avoiding your gaze. 

“I don’t like being lied to.” When he reached to pull your hand away from his face you noticed the horrid state his hands were in. His knuckles were bruised, purple and blue hues appearing through the skin. You quickly took his hands in yours examining the damage. That was when you noticed the blood.

“Don’t worry, it’s not mine,” Lando joked as he anticipated your unasked question. 

You sighed deeply wishing your new husband would take this more seriously. “I’m never going to get used to this.” 

With the way you grew up you weren’t naive to what the mafia entailed. You knew just how dangerous the shady dealings could be and the harm it could inflict on anyone involved. Memories of your own father coming home at odd hours battered, bruised, and angrier than usual crowded your thoughts. 

You shook your head trying your best to steer clear of those thoughts. You were a newlywed. This should not be your reality. 

“Alright come on,” you grabbed Lando’s arm and tugged him into the bathroom. You ordered him to sit on the small bench next to the large marble bathtub. You sifted through the small medical bag you’d packed shoving aside a number of tampons and pads before finding bandaids. You set them on the sink as you wet a rag with warm water. 

You leaned down grabbing Lando’s chin so that he faced you. You carefully dabbed at the bloody cut that graced the bridge of his nose. “If I ask, will you tell me?” You raised an eyebrow already knowing the answer. 

A cheeky grin spread across Lando’s face as you tended to him. “You’re too pretty to worry about my problems.” You rolled your eyes not even bothering to respond. You noticed the discomfort on your husband’s face as he grabbed at his side. 

“Let me see,” you motioned to the area that was evidently causing him pain. Lando hesitated before reluctantly lifting his shirt. A dark bruise was beginning to form on one side of his ribs. 

“It’s worse than it looks,” he joked. “I’ll just shower and I’ll be fine, you don’t have to take care of me.”

You scoffed at his words. “You were the one that wanted to try and make this work now you’re asking me to leave you alone when you clearly need help.” Nope. You were doubling down. 

“Take off your clothes.”

If there was one thing Lando never expected you to say that was it. His eyes widened in shock at your serious expression. “You don’t waste any time do you.” 

You shook your head as you reached for the handle on the bathtub and began drawing a bath. “You should know by now that I don’t like repeating myself.” Your back was turned to him as you poured a bit of bubble bath into the tub. 

“Yes ma’am.”

You could hear the sound of Lando undressing as you shut off the water, swirling your hand around the tub to make sure the temperature was fine. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you heard the sound of his belt coming undone, the buckle clanking against the tiles. 

Do not turn around. Do not turn around. Do not turn around.

“You’ll be joining me, right?” 

Why was he like this. 

You stood with your back still facing him, your eyes now covered by your hand. “Just get in.” 

The soft sound of Lando’s laugh filled the room as he finally got into the water. “You can open your eyes now. I think you’ll quite like what you see.”

He was not making this easy for you. Your diverted your gaze as you made your way to the door hoping to put some space between the two of you. 

“You said you were gonna take care of me. How are you going to do that from the other room.” His mischievous tone made you stop in your tracks. Against your better judgement you found yourself staying in the room. Two can play at this game. 

You located your shower gel and a washcloth before lowering yourself beside the tub. Why not have some fun with this.

You tried your best not to stare at the water droplets that dotted his tanned chest but you couldn’t help but enjoy the view. Lando was quick to pick up on your lust filled gaze. “At least we’re attracted to each other. That just makes life easier for the both of us.” Lando continued as you lathered up the washcloth. “It’ll make for a fun honeymoon as well.” 

You opted to ignore the insinuation behind his words. “Let me see your hands.” You began tending to the battered skin on his fingers, washing away blood in the process. 

“Where are you taking me anyways?”

His dimples appeared as he spoke, “It’s a surprise.”

Of course it was. “I need to know what to pack. Warm weather, cold?”

“Definitely warm.”

You continued washing his cuts and bruises before you were satisfied with your work. You stood up, tossing a towel in his direction. “I think you can manage the rest.” 

And with that you were on your way back into the bedroom. Land appeared several minutes later, towel wrapped around his waist. You tried to ignore him as you gazed out the window taking in the sight of the risen sun. 

“Are you hungry?” 

The question seemed to catch Lando off guard as you turned to him. He was now dressed only in a pair of gray sweats. He sauntered over to the bed and laid down. He beckoned you over and you didn’t protest. His bandaged fingers graced the exposed skin along your waist as you laid beside him. 

“Now that you mention it, breakfast in bed with my wife does sound pretty perfect.” 

☽☽☽☽☽☽☾☾☾☾☾☾

Author's note: Did you like the update? Let me know if you want part 5.

Series masterlist can be found here

Tag list Lmk if you'd like to be added or removed from it

@poppyflower-22

@jfang97

@1273lucifer1273

@timmychalametsstuff

@honethatty12

@sillyfreakfanparty

@formulaal

@blckgrl-sunflower

@2pagenumb

@notturlover

@dr4gOngirl

@noreri

@randomnessis-mine-me

@yl90

@livelovesports

@halaxxxx

@brekkers-whore

@avni-sarai

@odbdi727

@danielshoe

@viannasthings

@sillyfreakfanparty

@dreamerrosie

@sinfully-yoursss

@cmleitora

@marieday223

@barcelonaloverf1life

@absOlute1ynOt

@alana4610

@nightmaredressedlikeadaydream57

@kirajessie

@fullmugwolffish

@lovehollandy12

@gabbytaa

@leclercia

[imtryingbuck]

Timeless Love.

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky might have met the love of his life in the middle of a war, he just wished he was able to live a life with her.

Word count: 6,598

Warnings: angst. kidnapping. fluff. Hydra. forced breeding. forced miscarriage.

A/N: enjoyed writing this!! Thank you for the request. Also thank you to @buckys-wintersoldier for helping me when I needed it!🤍

Part 2

Masterlist

“Y/n L/n. 107th.”

She nodded smiling at her friend who had also been given the same unit. All the nurses - professional and volunteers alike were waiting for their names to be called to hear what unit they would be stationed with.

Then she was given the news that she was going to be the matron. And at twenty four years old that was a massive accomplishment, herself and her parents were beyond proud.

“Hey doc” she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at hearing the familiar voice that she began hearing everyday. “I’m injured doll, need your help to patch me back up”

Looking up for the clipboard she carried around she saw the Sergeant who had captured all the attention from all the nurses. Though he never paid any mind to them, just her.

James Buchanan Barnes.

“Firstly I’m not a doctor, just a nurse and secondly this is your seventh time coming here this week”

“Firstly you should be a doctor, better than the one we’ve got and secondly I keep getting hurt”

“Bucky… it’s only Wednesday.”

“You love me. Aren’t you going to ask me what my very serious injury is?”

“I don’t love you. Okay, what seems to be the problem Sergeant?”

“Y-you don’t love me? I’m going to cry myself to sleep tonight thanks to you!”

“What’s your injury Sergeant?”

“My heart” he places his hand on his chest and looks up at her sympathetically. “My heart hurts doll”

“James… you do realise that your heart is on the left side not the right…”

Moving his hand to the left side “Oh… are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure” chuckling at his facial expression, he winks causing her to laugh.

“The truth is that I just wanted to see you, I like you even though you’re being mean to me” he pouts and bats his eyelashes as he kicked his legs back and forth.

“How am I being mean to you?” She asks whilst counting stock, trying her hardest to ignore the intense gaze of his ocean blue eyes on her back.

“Because you won’t let me take you dancing”

“You should go with one of the other nurses James”

“I don’t want any of the other nurses, just you”

“You-“

“Y/n! Y/n quick we need you!” Mary’s panic scream interrupted her. Jumping up and rushing out of the tent with Bucky right behind her, a group of men carrying a stretcher with a man lying on it. His right leg gone as well as his left arm.

“Get him in here” Bucky opens the flaps of the tent, his eyes trained on the young soldier as they passed him. “Help me transfer him on to the bed, carefully.”

Bucky watched on as Y/n took control, ordering the nurses around and trying to get the soldiers to move away so she could work. When one of the men wouldn’t move Bucky stepped in.

It wasn’t long before Y/n made everyone get out except for the nurses.

“Go” Bucky’s head snapped from the medical tent to Dum Dum sitting next to him, giving the man a questioning look, Dum Dum laughed. “The doc”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about” he mumbled before downing the rest of his drink.

“You’ve been turning down women all night and I’m honestly surprised that you haven’t burnt a hole into the tent with how intense you’ve been looking at it. Oh and let’s not forget that you’ve been obsessed from the second you laid eyes on her”

“I-no I haven’t.”

“You have, and don’t bother trying to argue with me. Go and talk to her”

“And say what?”

“That’s on you” Bucky contemplated on whether or not to take his friend’s advice, it didn’t take too long before he was getting up and heading over to the medical tent. “Shes in her own tent” he heard from behind him so he changed course.

Standing outside the small tent he fixed his hair before pushing the flap aside, he found her sitting hunched over the small table one hand in her hair and the other scribbling away as she filled in paperwork.

“I can feel your eyes on me” her whispered voice snapped him out of his head.

“Are you alright doll?”

“I’m fine don’t worry, go and enjoy your night”

Moving closer to her he saw the tears falling freely down her cheeks. “Hey, hey why are you crying doll?”

“He… he didn’t make it. I tried everything bu-but it wasn’t enough, he was only seventeen Bucky.”

“Oh doll. You did everything you could-“

“But it wasn’t enough! And within the week his parents are going to know I failed, I failed to save their son”

Bucky pulled her into his arms, holding her close to his chest ignoring the feeling of her tears wetting his shirt. “It’s not your fault” he whispered over and over again as she fell apart in his arms.

“I failed”

“No you didn’t! Nobody would have been able to have saved him Y/n and you know that.”

“He was only seventeen Bucky. A child!”

“I know sweetheart, I know.”

As the laughing and music continued outside Bucky kept Y/n close to his chest, rocking them both from side to side slowly. Sleep began to overtake them, being the gentleman that he was he turned his back on her waiting for her to change into her nightwear.

“Goodnight doll”

“Stay… please”

“Of course” he was slightly shocked by seeing her shifting over in the small cot then patting the space she had created.

Climbing in next to her, wrapping her up and pulling her into his chest. Pressing his lips to her forehead “goodnight my love”

It became an unspoken routine between the two of them that Bucky would sleep in her bed, they ignored the teasing from all those around them - as if the nurses weren’t warming the soldiers beds themselves. There was nothing sexual about what they were doing, it was just two lost souls finding themselves seeking shelter within one another.

That however changed one night when Bucky went into their now shared tent finding her once again hunched over the table. “Hi doll”

“Hi Sergeant”

“Me and the guys move out tomorrow”

“I heard. How are you feeling?” She asked looking up from the papers in front of her.

“Nervous I won’t lie, but I’m going to miss you”

“I’m going to miss you too but you shouldn’t be gone long, right?”

“Two weeks, three at the most” he shrugged. “Doll, come and dance with me”

“There’s no music…”

“So? Come on” he held his hand out for her to take, his heart fluttering with the look she gave him as she puts her hand in his. “You are so pretty” he whispers as they swayed together.

“‘M not.”

“Yes you are. From the second I laid eyes on you I thought you were the most prettiest dame I had ever laid eyes on.”

“You’re lying!” She chuckled.

“I am not!”

“If you say so”

Bucky gently raises her head up by her chin, “I have never lied to you.”

“Bucky… kiss me please” she asked softly. Their lips met slowly at first before growing heatedly and passionately.

The next morning with only a thick blanket covering their naked bodies they basked in the silence of the camp, Bucky running his fingers through her hair and Y/n drawing invisible circles on his chest.

“When this war comes to an end me and you are going to get married” Bucky declared as he broke the silence.

“Don’t I get a say in this?”

“Nope” he chuckled. “Why, don’t you want to marry me?”

“And put up with you for the rest of my life?”

“Yeah, why what’s wrong with that?”

“You’re annoying”.

“And?” He drawls with a cheeky grin on his face.

“I’ll probably smoother you in your sleep?”

“And? Doll you aren’t giving me a good reason for why we shouldn’t get married”

“You honestly want to marry me?”

“More than anything, and I promise I’ll be an amazing husband and we’ll have so much fun together an-“

“Yes”

“-d we’ll make so many memories-“

“Yes”

“-and we’ll grow old toge-wait… yes?”

“Yes Bucky, I’ll marry you when the war is ov-“ her words get cut off from him pressing his lips to hers.

“I can’t wait to annoy you for the rest of our lives together”

Later that morning, before Dum Dum led his unit out of the camp heading to only where they knew they were going Bucky ran over to Y/n giving her a kiss and promised her that he would come back to her.

Since the only people left there was the nurses, injured men and some of the officials the camp was excruciatingly quiet. And since it was only just them… well the camp had become very boring.

Two weeks passed quicker than she thought, waiting to hear the loud chatter from the men to fill in the silence yet it never came. Another week went by and again there was no sight of them. Y/n was helping Private Smith sit up in more of a comfortable position when Mary came rushing in, slightly out of breath.

“Th-they’ve been captured!”

“What? How do you know?”

“Word just come in, I overheard it but apparently Captain America is going to rescue them because he knows someone in the unit”

“I-okay. Okay erm… we’ll need to get things set up for when they come back just incase they are hurt” Y/n rambled off, unaware that she was squeezing Smiths hand - not like he minded.

“He’ll be fine darling” Smith squeezed her hand back.

“I-I know. You need to eat-“

“I will don’t worry but you need to eat too darling as well”

Sitting down next to him they enjoyed a nice meal together, Smith doing everything to help get her mind off of Bucky and the others by talking to her about his life before the war, his wife and children, telling her all the plans he had planned when he got home. It worked. Until it was time to go to bed, being alone with her thoughts made her mind come up with all kinds of scenarios and most of them weren’t good.

It was another two weeks before word got to them that they were coming back. Captain America had saved them.

Y/n was in the medical tent filling out paperwork when applause erupted in the air as Captain America approached with the 107th behind him, hearing the cheers she jumped up and began getting things ready, as the first person was brought in her sole attention was on the solider and not the other one she had been worrying about in the five weeks since she had seen him.

“Hey! Let’s hear it for Captain America!” She smiled at hearing his voice as she concentrated on the patient in front of her.

“He’s already asked about you” Ann says as she put pressure on the solider’s wound.

“Ah, your the famous doc that he wouldn’t shut up talking about”

“Excuse me?”

“Barnes? Yeah he wouldn’t stop talking about you, if you ask me he’s in love with you” the guy winked.

It wasn’t until everything in the medical tent had calmed down that she had heard his voice again. “I’m injured doll”

Spinning around she sees him standing there with a grin on his dirt covered face. “Who are you?”

“Your future husband, silly. Missed you doll”

“I missed you too” hearing her words he crossed over to where she stood and placed his hands on her face, cupping her face before placing his lips against hers. Both sighing in content at the feeling they had both been missing for weeks.

“Are you hurt? Where?”

“‘M not hurt my love, just messing with you”

“Are you not going to introduce me Buck?” A new voice cut through making them take a step apart from each other.

“Y/n this is Steve, Steve this is my doll” Y/n smiled at the blond who happily returned the expression.

“It’s nice to meet the woman who this one wouldn’t stop talking about”

“I didn’t talk about her once” Bucky rushed out. “I didn’t doll” shaking his head whilst looking at her.

“He’s actually not the first person to tell me that” Y/n winked at Steve making the man laugh.

“I hate the both of you.”

A celebration was held that night when they came back, the men sharing the tale of how they were captured - all teasing each other when they said they weren’t scared. Telling the women how Captain America had told them to leave but they refused, Dum Dum said that they arrived together and were going to be leaving together. Everyone including Y/n hanging on to every word that was spoken of their rescue and how they defeated the enemy.

Bucky never spoke a word, no, he was too lost in watching the flames of the fire-pit flickering off Y/n’s face. Mesmerised by the way her eyes shined so brightly in the darkness, audibly groaning as he watched her bite her lip - his mind going straight to the gutters.

Much later that night Bucky took his time in making love to her.

The 107th Infantry Regiment had been teamed up with Steve to take down an organisation, Bucky promised her that he would contact her whenever they set up camp for the night. Every night they spoke even if it was just for a few minutes, he told her where they were and asked how everything back at camp was going, before ending their call he would tell her that he was coming back to her.

The last time she spoke to him he informed her that they were in Austria, he made her giggle when he complained that they had to go up the alps, telling her how cold it was. He then shocked her by telling her that he was in love with her. Before she could even respond the connection cut off.

She knew there was something wrong when she never received another call from him, Mary and Ann told her that he was just busy and that he would come back and everything was going to be fine. Every time she tried to speak with the General about the update of where they were he just walked away from her.

For two months she didn’t hear anything from him or from anyone, for two months she spent her time trying to take her mind off of the brunette who had wormed himself into her heart.

Mary came running over to the river where Y/n was sitting watching as the ducks swam past her. “Y/n… they’re back.”

Jumping up and running to where the men were, she looked around for the man who she had been missing more than anything, her eyes moved frantically from man to man who all seemed to have a problem with making eye contact with her. Her heart settled when a hand rested itself on her shoulder.

“Darlin’ I-I need to talk to you” it was Dum Dum.

“W-where is he? Dum…”

“Come with me love” he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and moved them to her tent. “I’m sorry darling, he… he didn’t make it”

“W-where is he though?”

“He fell off the train in the alps, we couldn’t find his body”

“No… no we need to fi-find him so his family can bury him… Dum please” his heart ached for the woman in front of him, all he could do was hold her in his arms as she broke down crying. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that Bucky’s last words to Steve was him begging the blond to make sure he looked after Y/n.

After crying for a good solid ten minutes she removed herself from his arms, wiped her tears before nodding and walking out - leaving Dum Dum standing there dumbfounded.

She knew herself that she wasn’t going to be able to be aloud time away to mourn, they weren’t dating or married, while they had feelings for each other and they spent every waking moment together it didn’t mean anything to the higher ups. Walking into the medical tent everyone went quiet at seeing her, Mary tried telling her that she could go and rest but Y/n just shook her head and got to work. She needed the distraction to take her mind away from the pain in her chest.

For months after she became a shell of herself, no longer laughing or smiling, no longer holding conversations with anyone, always working and taking little care for herself. And finally that day came when the war ended, everyone around her celebrated whilst she was packing up her things ready to head back home.

It had been two years since the war ended and people were still picking up their lives. Y/n was on her way to home after finishing her shift at the local hospital when a black car pulled up alongside her.

“Excuse me Miss, are you Y/n L/n?” A man asked as he got out of the car.

“I am, who are you?”

“Ah, we have a friend in common”

“We do? Wait what are you do-“

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be Miss L/n, wouldn’t want to hurt you.” Her eyes were wide as his hand tightened around her neck, her whole body trembling with fear. “Nighty night” he smirks as he presses a needle into her left arm.

Y/n woke up disoriented and dazed with her hands and ankles tied painfully tight, trying to speak but her words came out as slurred. “Ah little lambs awake. Go back to sleep little lamb” the same guy from side of the road spoke, but instead of a needle being pushed into her arm he raised his leg and kicked her straight in the face. Knocking her out instantly.

The second time she awoke was when a bucket of stale water was thrown into her face, both arms tied to arms of the chair she was uncomfortably sat in. A man infront of her smiled as she was trying to blink away the water droplets off her eyelashes.

“So you’re the precious little one that our Soldat keeps muttering about, no matter how many times we wipe his memories he always mutters your name”

“I-I don’t know who you are talking about”

“Soldat! You know him” the unnamed man shouts as if it was the most obvious thing. “Get her ready. Miss… I won’t lie to you, what’s going to happen next is going to hurt… well have fun” the man sighs dramatically and then chuckles making his way to the door, leaving her alone with four men holding guns.

Everything that happened next happened in a blur from two of the men grabbing her roughly and dragging her down the corridor, to being strapped down on a cold metal table - a meek looking man muttering something to her that she couldn’t quite understand before a large needle was injected into her arm. 

When she woke the next time she was in a small room - on the floor, that only had a chipped white framed bed with a thin mattress on top of it, she grimaced at seeing the blotches of stains. Her nose crunched upward at the nasty aroma lingering the room. Y/n flinched at hearing noises just outside, she could hear clearly that a man was laughing which caused her to back away and put her hands over her ears trying desperately to block out the sound. Not understanding why everything was amplified.

“Ah, little lamb you’re awake. I’m pleased to tell you that it’s worked, your going to be our new little asset-“

“W-what have you done to me?”

“We’ve made you stronger than any man could wish to be! We’ve made you fast-“

“What have you done!”

“Right, we’ve injected you with a special serum that’s enhanced you. Your lucky little lamb, those before you never made it past the thirty minute mark after injection. Now you’re ready for your second phase of becoming our little asset, boys… be careful with her.” The second he finished his sentence the same four men from before came in and grabbed her roughly once again.

Being dragged down a corridor and into a room she tried to beg the men to let her go, pleading with them that she had a family and they’d be looking for her, she even tried bribing them. Her begs and cries fell on deaf ears.

“Now little lamb, from what I can gather is that this chair here, a beauty in her own right isn’t actually nice to those that sit in her. She’s not exactly been kind to your little boyfriend but that’s because he tries to fight it, I’m going to be kind to you and suggest that you don’t do the same as him otherwise it will hurt more.” He waved his hand in the air lazily and the two agents that had ahold of her shoved her towards the chair, once sat they strapped her legs down and placed a strap across her chest.

“P-please stop ple-“

“None of that little lamb, it’s not going to hurt… much” he chuckles. “Try not to scream, it’ll will only annoy me”

She goes to reply when a loud buzzing sound came from both sides to her, frozen and strapped into place as two metal plates places themselves onto her face. Y/n could hear the man in a white coat start to count down from five, squeezing her eyes shut tightly she saw a blinding white light as her whole body spasmed and withered in pain. The agents all flinched as the glass behind them started to crack. Once it finished and the plates were moved away from her head, her head started to roll to the side as drool began seeping from her mouth.

“Little lamb, do you remember me?”

“W-w-where am I?” Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool, and her tongue felt heavy.

“What’s your name?”

“Y-Y/n”

“Do it again”

By the eighth time of having her mind wiped the window was gone, she had blood seeping from her ears and nose, her bottom half was wet. After they were done with her she was dragged back to her cell and tossed on the ground as if she was nothing.

Y/n had forgotten everything. She didn’t know who she was or where she was. They kept calling her little lamb. Crawling into the corner of the room she pulled her knees up to her chest and began mumbling incoherently to herself.

Every time she closed her eyes all she saw was a blacked out face with the brightest blue eyes.

For years she moved and breathed when they told her too, she spoke when they said, she ate when they told her to eat - not like it was much mind you.

Throughout those years she didn’t understand her purpose of why she was there, she never got to leave the place she was kept at, all she did was train and fight with those who were a lot bigger then her in height and weight.

What she didn’t realise is that she did have a purpose for those she worked for, and that she was leaving the base to do their bidding. Completely unaware that she had taken so many lives.

She didn’t know what they were injecting into her every few months was the sperm belonging to the Winter Soldier in hopes that they could create an army of pure bred super soldiers that they could use to fight and take down their enemies without themselves having to do anything. Or that the nurse who seemed to take pity on her would give her a tablet to force the innocent little foetus to never grow up in a world that it would only be used for pain and suffering.

She didn’t understand what she had done wrong, one minute she was training with the other super soldiers and then she was being hit and shocked by the batons and then dragged to the room that kept the cryostasis chambers, she pleaded with the agents that she would be good, begging them not to put her in there again but they didn’t listen. Her whole body stiffened when they gave her the option - chamber or chair.

She hated the chamber.

But she hated the chair even more.

“See you in a little while little lamb.”

Fury had told them that SHIELD had discovered a new Hydra base and that they needed to go and take it down, not even an hour later they were fifteen minutes away from touching down at the location of the base.

“Cap, it looks deserted…” Natasha said as she slid her gun into her holster.

“We still need to be cautious” Steve told them. He tapped his foot against Bucky’s to gain his attention. “You okay?”

“Don’t worry about me. Seriously punk I’m fine”

“Alright. Everyone be careful.”

They moved quietly and slowly towards the base - that had seen better days - without any trouble, getting inside they all stole quick glances at Bucky making him sigh. “No I’ve never been here before”

“Didn’t say anything Barnes”

“You didn’t need too”

As they moved further inside it became obvious that they were the only ones there, apart from a few rats running around. Steve gave the orders out, him and Wanda going together down one hallway, Bucky and Sam - which he did mainly to annoy his best friend, Natasha and Tony going off to find the computers to see if they can get anything off them.

“How long do you think this place has been empty for?” Wanda asked.

“Not sure… it looks like awhile.”

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are they all open?” Wanda points at cryo chambers, looking at Steve with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know? But let’s keep looking there has to be something here for us to ta-“ Wanda cuts him off with a gasp. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a woman, she’s pretty…”

“What are you- Y/n?” Wanda’s head snapped from the woman in the chamber to the blond standing next to her.

“Do-do you know her? Wait… Y/n?”

Pressing his comms button Steve tells Bucky to come to where he was, told him to hurry up, hearing the distress tone of their captain Nat and Tony also went along too.

“Steve is this the same Y/n that Bucky calls out for in his sleep?” Wanda asked, watching him nodding slowly she looked down sadly.

The team had slowly grown use to Bucky screaming and hearing him thrash around in his sleep and had even witnessed him trashing him room trying to escape, thinking and believing he was still at the Hydra base he was kept at. One night it had actually taken all of them to try and pin him down on the ground after a horrific nightmare, it took Thor to grab Mjölnir to place it on Bucky’s naked chest to pin him down and for Wanda to use her magic to clear his mind just so they could get him to calm down. She apologised profusely for it the next day but he just smiled, placed his hand on hers gently and thanked her. But every night without fail they all heard him mumbling or crying out for Y/n and none of them wanted to overstep that boundary by asking him directly so they asked Steve who this person was and all he told them was that it wasn’t his place to say anything but that she meant the world to Bucky. And after that they let it be though they were all curious.

And now Wanda was staring up at the woman who had been on her friends mind for so long, she didn’t know how Bucky was going to react to seeing her here.

“Steve?” Bucky stood at the doorway with Sam, Natasha and Tony behind him. “What’s up?”

“Buck… she-she’s here”

“Who?”

Steve watched as Bucky paled and his eyes got shinier with tears filling them. “Y/n.”

“N-no no you’re lying Steve.” His eyes moved to Wanda when he noticed her shifting from foot to foot. He knew by the look on her face that what Steve was saying wasn’t a lie.

He moved slowly to where Wanda stood, never taking his eyes off her until he stood in front of her, it wasn’t until she gave him a sad smile that he finally looked to his right. A choked sob was the only sound in the whole building. Wanda tried to grab him before he fell but it was no use, Bucky landed with a loud thud on his knees as he looked up at the woman he had fallen madly in love with in the forties. The woman he had made a promise too. A promise he couldn’t keep.

“St-Steve we need-I need to get her out of here”

“I know Buck, I know but we need to be careful, we don’t know how long she’s been in there for”

“We can’t leave her!”

“We aren’t going to leave her Barnes, just give me a few minutes to try and figure out how we’re going to get sleeping beauty out of here, okay?” Tony says before looking around the room to find a way to get her out.

As everyone moved around the room trying to find a way to get her out of the chamber Bucky stayed on his knees looking helplessly up at her. “That’s why you couldn’t find her, she’s been here”

“I tried Buck-“

“No, I know you did. H-how long do you think she’s been here for?”

“I… I don’t know”

Not long after, Tony managed to find a way to open up the door to the chamber without causing any damage to Y/n. They all shivered as the cold air hits them, Bucky took the straps off her and took her gently into his arms. His body tensed when Tony injected something into her arm. “It’s just to keep her asleep until we get back to the tower”.

Steve told him to take Y/n onto the jet so they could finish off clearing the base, they all watched as he carried her as if she was the most delicate thing in the world.

“Steve, she’s a super solider” Nat looked over at him from the computer.

“Have you found anything else about her?”

“She’s got way more kills under her belt than I do, they call her little lamb” saying that nickname made her nose scrunch up. “And… oh Steve, they’ve been injecting her with Bucky’s sperm, it never worked” Steve’s eyes burned a hole into the computer screen angry at everything that he was hearing.

“Sh-she was a nurse you know? A great one, all the men said they loved going to her because she was just the kindest of them all. She deserved so much better than this.”

“Steve she’s been in cryo for twelve years… they wrote down when they were put in and taken out, she was never taken out twelve years ago”

“Jesus. Right, gather everything you can on Y/n and I’ll meet you on the jet”

Leaving Natasha to do what she did best he went to the jet, he stood there watching as Bucky stroke his fingers through the top of her head, not taking his eyes off her face.

“I-I’ve put blankets on her from the back, she’s still freezing Stevie.”

“Buck, there’s something I need to tell you about her.”

“What is it?”

“She’s like us, she’s got the serum too. T-they were trying to impregnate her with-with your… you know, and Nat found out that she’s been in cryo for twelve years”

“T-they don’t care do they? They don’t care who they hurt or the pain they inflict, they-they’ve hurt the sweetest, big hearted person and for what? Just to leave her in there for all those years? It’s my fault isn’t it?”

“No Buck, it’s not your fault-“

“It has to be, I kept saying her name when they first got me. I didn’t want to forget her so I kept saying her name and look what happened!”

“Bucky it’s not- don’t try and interrupt me- it’s not your fault. But we’ve found her and she’s going to come home with us and we can help her”

“Did she do bad things too?” His voice was so small and quiet that it was lucky that Steve had enhanced hearing otherwise he wouldn’t have heard what his friend said.

“Yes but Buck we know her, we know she’s a good person just like you she’s been made to do bad but we can help her, I promise you”

“We’ll all defend her tin-man” Tony says, when both men look over they see the four of them nodding in agreement.

Two weeks after finding his only love and brining her back to the compound Bucky refused to move away from her hospital bed, on the fourth day Steve had to beg him to come with him to get some food - it wasn’t until his stomach growled in hunger that he finally accepted Steve’s offer, he left her with a kiss on her forehead and made Natasha and Wanda watch over her, made them both promise to ring him the second Y/n started to stir awake.

Steve then tried to get him to leave just so he could get a good night sleep or to have a shower but the brunette shrugged him off - it wasn’t until Dr Cho came in and told him to get a shower, told him that he should be clean and smell nice for when Y/n woke up. That had him running to his room and showering quickly before running back down to her.

It was better than nothing.

“Steve?”

“Mhm”

“What’s Fury going to do when Y/n wakes up?”

“Nothing, him and Tony have already pleaded her case and all she’s got to do when she wakes is give all the information she can remember. Fury is positive that she’ll be be fully pardoned and he thinks that she could be an asset to the team, that is if she wants to stay”

“W-why-do you think she’ll want to leave?”

“I don’t know Bucky”

“Would you be mad at me if I left with her?”

“No. I would be mad though if you didn’t invite me over for dinner” Bucky let out a laugh whilst he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

Steve and Wanda had left after spending a couple of hours keeping Bucky company as he watched over Y/n, he was just starting to drift off to sleep when he felt her hand twitch.

“Y/n? Doll?” Another twitch. “Doll, come on wake up”

Bucky shot straight up knocking the chair backwards when Y/n jumped up out of the bed, falling down instantly, he watched as she pulled herself to the wall bringing her knees to her chest, her eyes moving around the room frantically. Her voice hoarse as she mumbles softly to herself, Bucky slowly moved around the bed.

“Doll? Y/n it-its me Bucky”

“Bucky?”

“Yes, yes it’s me” she says his name again, her teared filled eyes looking straight at him. “You’re safe.”

“W-where are we?”

“Somewhere safe, I promise.”

“They will be here for me” slowly standing up, ignoring the blood seeping down her arm she moved over to Bucky. “I-I need to leave, I need to go back home, they-they’ll be mad at me”

“Y/n hey, hey stop, doll look at me, they aren’t looking for you okay? You’re safe here, I’m not letting anyone hurt you again. I promise”

“You promise?”

“I promise” Bucky moved closer as soon as she was in reach he pulled her in his chest, squeezing her tightly, repeatedly pressing his lips to her hair.

Helen came in a little later to run some checks, talking to Y/n like she was an actual person and not like she was a nobody like she was use to, when she said thank you it meant more than just a simple gesture. The next day Steve, Sam and Wanda walked into the hospital room shocked to seeing Y/n sitting up and talking to Bucky, though they had slowly gotten use to seeing Bucky coming out of his shell even after all these years of knowing him Sam and Wanda stood there watching Bucky be a whole new person, the only person that didn’t find it weird was Steve who had a huge smile on his face, happy to see his best friend finally happy and at peace now that he had Y/n with him.

When Fury got word that she was awake he came down to see her, she answered all of the questions he had as best as she could. Fury reassured both her and Bucky that nothing would happen to her.

A month after waking up Y/n hand in hand with Bucky sat in a room with the team standing behind them, Fury at the end of the table and members of the government in front of them. She was nervous to hear what punishment she was going to receive, yes Fury promised that she wouldn’t be but when Bucky finally caved and told her all of the crimes she was connected to - not only did her heart break at hearing the things that she did but she feared what kind of punishment she was going to receive, she felt like she needed to be.

“Y/n L/n you are granted a full pardon, but you will need to be a part of the Avengers-“

“That’s not what we agreed on!” Fury interrupted the man.

“It’s the best thing-“

“I’ll do it. I-I need to do it” Y/n nodded.

Bucky and Steve had to beg Tony not to throw a party to celebrate Y/n’s freedom and her new role in the team of superheroes, he reluctantly agreed but told them they needed to do something as a team for her. Bucky told him a nice meal would do, it wouldn’t push her out of the comfort zone she had created for herself, so that’s what they did. Their laughter throughout the meal bounced off the walls as Y/n was retelling her memories of the antics Bucky would get up to during camp, told them how she managed to push Steve in to the river when he refused to go into the water.

In that month Bucky had been sleeping in bed with Y/n after she begged him to stay with her, and that night was no different. The team no longer heard Bucky’s screams because he no longer had nightmares.

“Y/n”

“Yeah?”

“I never stopped loving you, you know?”

“I’ve never stopped loving you either.” She smiled up at him. Slowly their lips met, both sighing at the familiar feeling that they had been deprived of feeling for nearly eighty years.

Just as Bucky closed his eyes to get some sleep he began chuckling when he heard Y/n’s question.

“Are you still going to marry me so I can put up with you for the rest of my life?”

“I made a promise didn’t I?”

Tags: @imcinnamoons | @pigeonmama

[cryptotheism]

i remember on your last blog you went on a bit about your writing process/how you got amber skies out every week, ive been meaning to go back and read that to get myself back into writing everyday but given how tumblr search functions (or doesnt) i can't find it! if its not asking too much, if you remember the post(/s?) would you reblog it, or do you mind just talking about how you get such a massive amount of writing out all the time?

I don't know what post you're talking about specifically, but I'm happy to talk about it!

I will say, I pay the bills because many many people are currently paying me to sit down and crank out 2k+ words every day for various projects. That certainly helps motivate me to write, and take care of myself so I can effectively write every day. (Eating, sleeping, resting taking time to consume a wide variety of media and mediums.) My relationship with writing is professional now, and it's taken serious a lot of work and luck to get here.

Basically, the key to my speed is that I don't edit anything. If you've ever done automatic writing as a warm-up, that's basically how I write everything. After several years of practice, it means that my first drafts are about as good as most peoples 5th.

I never really deal with writers block, because I've come to find a sort of perverse joy in cranking out unedited slop. If I can't think of what to write next, I often find myself making it bad on purpose just to get through the scene. All writing is re-writing! It is far, far easier to fix slop than it is to try and perfect as you go.

I got my start by basically waking up early, and taking my laptop to a cafe before work. My rule was 1000 words or 4 hours, whichever came first. I would get a large drip coffee and just see what sorta unreadable tripe I could make. Sometimes people liked it.

[hellenhighwater]

do you plan on living in your current house forever or is this just like the most interestingly decorated pitstop along the way? seems like packing all your decor up would be... kind of a nightmare

Ha! No, not at all a forever home. When I took my current job, I decided I'd give it five years before I really truly sat down and decided if I wanted to move or stay. That was three years ago; I've had this house for a little over two years.

It is going to suck terribly to move.

But also...that's just one bad week, and I'm not going to live years flinching from that. Packing and moving is always awful. As I buy and modify the furniture that I have in this house, I do so with eventually moving in mind--the biggest pieces have wheels permanently added; I make things easy to disassemble; I am mindful of how deep into the house I put things and I decide carefully what things are permanently added to the house. And my furniture, while old and valuable, is also not in pristine condition. If it gets a scrape while I move it--well, that's something I can fix or live with.

As the owner of a house that is some hundred years older than I am, I do consider myself a custodian of the house as much as I am an owner. I make few permanent changes to this house that could not be reversed, and expensive modifications--like new flooring, tile, and so on--I do choose options that are not actually that outlandish when taken outside the context of the rest of my decor. I do go wild with paint colors, but that's a layer of Killz away from being bland beige if the next owner wants it to be. Houses are meant to be lived in.

I like this house a lot; I spend a lot of time in it and on it, but also...I think when I've redone every room I'll be happy for a few years and then I'll be itching for a new canvas. This house has decent bones but there are so many incredible old houses out there that I would love to get my hands on--I want a big timber-beam attic! a turret! a curving staircase! a butler's pantry! a conservatory! a library!--that I know I'll be excited to start again when I move. And maybe I'll get rid of a bunch of stuff! The fun of doing things yourself is knowing that you have the skills to replicate and improve on things if you want to.

No. My forever home is going to be much, much weirder than this. May the Terror protect whatever poor realtor has to sell it whenever I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, because it's going to be absolutely uninhabitable by anyone sane.

[rikiislvr]

🤍love - nishimura riki

pairing: nishimura riki x afab!reader

summary: you and niki got into a argument about your love for each other and if it was fading away or not, niki knew exactly what to do to reassure you, he isn’t going anywhere.

warnings: kissing

私の愛 - my love

“am i not enough for you?” you ask your boyfriend as he couldn’t even look at you as you spoke.

you two haven’t had a big argument like this in ages, and the reasoning behind it was so stupid..

niki lately has been less affectionate towards you.

so lately you’ve been trying to be a better girlfriend. you cooked more, helped him after practice, gave him space and it still wasn’t changing nor making difference in his actions towards you.

“niki?!“ you scoff and he lifted his head up to you, “y/n.. of course you are enough whyd you even ask a question like that—

“because you aren’t showing it!” you cross your arms. niki sighed and walked up to you and your head dropped as you felt tears swarming in your eyes.

“baby..” he whispered, he was stab big himself mentally for the way he was treating you, he was so stressed with his comeback that he didn’t even notice how hard he’s been on you.

“i’m so sorry my love..” he says and pulled you into his embrace, the warmth radiating off his body onto yours as he rubbed your back in small circles.

“what’s wrong niki? what am i doing?” you sobbed, niki shut his eyes harshly at the sound of your shaky voice, he lifted you up by your legs and carried you over to the island counter of the kitchen and set you down.

he stood in front of you and cupped your face, wiping away any tears that managed to escape. “nothings wrong princess. nothing at all.” he shook his head,

“i let my stress get in the way. and im so sorry. you’re doing amazing for me.” he stared deeply into your watery eyes.

“i hate myself for the way i treat you. i really do. 私の愛, you don’t deserve any of this.” he shook his head, you just stared at him, you could feel he was going to say something, you were just scared of what it was.

“you need to be happy, y/n.” he rested his forehead on yours, “so i’m gonna go.” he dropped his eyes to break them from looking at yours, “w-what? gonna go where?” you pulled away from him.

“i’m gonna go back to the dorms and let you have some time—

“no! niki- you cant.. you—“ you choked back a sob, “i’m doing this so i can clear my head without bringing it onto you.” he bit his lip and looked down at the floor.

niki was staying at your apartment for the past month, you’ve grown into his presence so much and you couldn’t even get your mind to think about how it would be if he was gone.

“please.. you don’t have too.” you shake your head, he walked to you again, and grabbed your face, pulling you to rest foreheads again.

“i love you.” he whispered, you sucked in your lips, “i love you more.”

he kissed your forehead softly, before going down to kiss your lips, as he tried to pull away you deepened it, not wanting him to leave.

but he was right. you two needed the time.

you guys finally pulled away from the passionate kiss, before he smiled at you, making you giggle softly, “i’ll be back. okay?” he tilt his head as you looked down,

“okayy?“ he asked again dropped his head lower to see yours, you just smiled, he chuckled at your cuteness before ticking your sides, making you gasp into laughter, “okay okay! okay!” you cry out and he stopped with a smile on his face.

he backed away from you, your hand still in his, he lifted your hand up and kissed the back of it, “i’ll see you soon.” he says, and you nod softly before he let go and made his way out your apartment door.

you sighed and cleared your throat. you fixed your hair and jumped up off the counter, you looked around and noticed his bracelet he left on the counter, and smiled as you picked it up and put it on.

he’ll be back, for you AND for this bracelet.

a/n: HI GUYS oh i’m so sorry for being inactive. i’ve been so busy and so so unmotivated, i’ll try to make small drafts here and there and finish any stories i was supposed too WHEN I CAN, i love u guys <3

tl: @certified-ni-ki-lover @noblub-4ulolz @yourmyst4r @vixialuvs @ni-ki-ismyluv @judeduartewannabe @soobs-things @en-chantedtomeetyou @definitelynotherr @heyniki @wntersm @geniejunn @pkjay @baevsxii

[cuubism]

i went to physical therapy for my stupid broken arm so as is my legal obligation i HAD to make ship content about it. everything is ship content that's how it is

cw injury, referenced abusive relationships

--

Hob's had plenty of clients come to physical therapy who clearly don't want to be there. Plenty of others who are reasonably frustrated by the work and time involved in regaining functioning after an injury. But this is the first time he's just had someone be... quiet. Resigned.

Dream sits with his hand cradled to his chest, barely speaking, only answering when Hob asks a direct question. He's reluctant to give Hob his hand when Hob asks if he can look at it, like he thinks Hob's grip is a bear trap that will snap down and crush the bones like whatever had done so the first time. Hob still doesn't know what that was. All he knows is the bones have been realigned and healed over but the dexterity in his hand still isn't right. That was what Dream had said, in the first spark of passion Hob had heard from him. It's not right.

But he does eventually give his hand over. His bones are so fine and delicate, and each movement hesitant. Cautious. Hob tests the flexibility. The strength. Dream is right, it's not where it should be. He still doesn't know what happened.

"I won't make you tell me if you really don't want to," Hob says gently. "But it is important to know how it happened to make sure we rehab it the right way. Did you get it caught in something? I've seen guys come in with machine injuries like that."

Nothing about Dream suggests "person who works with heavy machinery." But who knows. Hob will try not to stereotype.

"No," Dream says quietly, looking down and away from his hand like he can't bear to see it. "I. I am an artist. My ex... he felt that I cared more about my art than about him. Perhaps I did. And he was... frustrated. I suppose."

Hob can put the rest of the pieces together in his mind. "Jesus," he breathes, and Dream flinches.

"I have an unfortunate ability to involve myself with such people," he says.

"No, it's not your fault," Hob says automatically.

Dream narrows his eyes. "You presume to know that?"

Hob raises his hands in surrender. "Never mind. I won't pry." He's not Dream's therapist. His job is to help him with his hand, not... whatever else is going on in his life.

He takes Dream's hand carefully between both of his own again. Presses down lightly on his knuckles. "So. Crushed. Like that?"

Dream nods. Hob still doesn't know all the details, but he's imagining a boot going down hard on the top of Dream's hand. The thought is sickening.

"Can you fix it?" Dream asks, like he doesn't dare to hope.

"Well, you already had it repaired surgically, yeah?" Hob says. This strikes him as a bit of good luck--hand fractures are not simple--but he doesn't want to undercut Dream's confidence even further by saying so. He's usually pretty good at reading his clients, and he's already sensing that Dream is holding onto his determination to be here at all by the barest thread. Best to build him up as much as possible. "So it's just a matter of strengthening the muscles again."

He's fairly confident he can get him back to a usual level of functioning with it. The question is whether he can return him to the specific level of dexterity he needs for his art. He doesn't say that. Not yet.

Finally, he gets the tiniest of smiles out of Dream. He's really lovely when he smiles.

(He's pretty when he doesn't smile, too. Hob would have to be blind not to notice it.)

"So," Hob says. "Let's look at the current range of motion, yeah?"

Dream tilts his head. "Did you not already do so?"

"For regular motion, yeah. But I want to see where it's impacting your drawing."

Dream draws his hand back, looking uncertain.

"Come on." Hob hands him a pen and paper. "Show me. I promise I know nothing about art. If it's not up to your usual standards, I'm not going to be able to tell."

Finally, Dream takes the pen, and starts sketching.

Hob watches, noting the way his hand trembles, his uneven grip on the pen. Notes how quickly he gets demoralized when it doesn't turn out the way he wants. Hob can make out what he's written and drawn, but it's clear from Dream's expression that it's far from how it's supposed to be.

"This is just a starting point," Hob reminds him. He has a feeling he's going to be doing a lot of those sorts of reminders with Dream; he does not seem to find optimism easy.

Then again, if someone who supposedly loved him had hurt him like that, Hob would probably find optimism a bit difficult, too.

Finally, Dream drops the pen, clearly frustrated. "I have tried to paint at home, too. It has not turned out any better. You should throw those away." He gestures to the sketches. "They are terrible."

"Nah, I'm gonna keep them," Hob says, and puts them in his folder. "For comparison later." It could also partially be because he finds Dream's drawings of cats, imperfect as they are, charming. Sue him.

"As you insist," Dream says.

Hob gives him documentation on some other exercises he can do at home. Tries to think through what might make him feel better with his art. It feels, somehow, so important to make him feel better.

"At home, go easy on trying to use a pen, or paintbrush or whatever, it's hard on your hand," he finally says. "But you probably want to get back to your art, so-- okay, don't make fun of me if this is stupid."

Dream just raises an eyebrow, waiting.

Maybe Hob should try to learn more about art before he gives advice. Nevertheless, he forges on. "Holding a pen is tough, but if you wanted to like, finger paint or something? That would probably be fine. Might be good for flexibility, even."

"Finger paint," Dream repeats, enunciating each word.

"I told you not to make fun of me if it was stupid."

Dream smiles, just a small thing, like he finds Hob ridiculous but in a charming way. Good enough, Hob figures.

"Very well," Dream says at last. "I will take your advice."

Dream simply walking out had felt like a distinct possibility, so Hob will take this as a win.

"Hey," he says later, catching Dream for a moment as he's checking him out. "It's going to get better, yeah? Trust me. Don't worry too hard, just give it time."

He really shouldn't make promises like that. But he can't seem to help it, with Dream.

Dream considers, then says. "I do trust you."

Hob finds that it means a lot. Now he's just going to have to earn it.

[eyesthatroll]

gatorade kisses

pairing; matthew rempe x fem!reader

warning(s); highkey cringe… (don’t say i didn’t warn you), fluff, kissing, NOT edited.

word count; 0.95k

authors note; i fear i have become endeared to ny’s baby goon . don’t crucify me

"Don't be mad at me." Your eyes lift from the pages of your book, and you nudge your glasses to rest at the peak of your head, casting a discerning gaze over him. The remnants of game day attire have been replaced by sweatpants and a hoodie, and his once-styled hair now appears tousled, damp from the rain that drizzled outside. Positioned just before the door, his Air Forces firmly planted on the welcome mat, he awaits your reaction.

"Did you not receive my text, Matthew?" Your tongue prods the inside of your cheek, as you release a heavy sigh. Returning your attention to the book, you gracefully lower your glasses back down to your nose. Amidst the audible shuffling, possibly the thud of shoes meeting the floor, your eyes stay fixed on the pages before you. However, your concentration wavers, and you find yourself not truly absorbed in the text anymore, your eyes just dancing over the Sans Serif.

You feel a dip in the leather beside you, and before you can voice your protest, your book is swiftly snatched from your hands and deposited on the end table to Matt's left. "I was reading that," you huff, "and I explicitly told you not to come over."

"I take it you saw the game." He concludes.

"I didn't need to; it was all over Twitter." Meeting his deep brown eyes, bruised and tarnished black from countless hits to the face, you can sense the pain he's concealing. A longing to reach out and comfort him tugs at you, but the sight becomes unbearable, prompting a cringe and a quick turn away.

He was such a beautiful boy, and you hated seeing him banged up like this.

His hand gently presses into your thigh, a subtle squeeze accompanying his plea, "Will you please look at me? I'm sorry."

Tears pool at your waterline, and you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth, striving to keep them at bay. Slowly, you turn your head back to him. "I don't want you to get hurt," your voice leaves your lips in a shaky breath.

"Hey," he begins, his hand gently grasping your arm, tugging you towards him until you're straddling his waist. "Hey," he repeats. His thumbs reach up, delicately wiping away the tears that have trickled down your cheeks. "I'm okay."

"You look like you're in so much pain." Your hand gently rises to caress his cheek, mindful of the bruised skin.

"I'm not." He attempts to reassure you, but the waiver in his voice betrays his words.

"Please don't lie to me." You murmur, a desperate plead to the boy in front of you.

He exhales a deep sigh, diverting his attention momentarily before speaking, "It only hurts a little bit."

Seeking his touch, you lean into his embrace, your head finding the crook of his neck as salty tears cascade freely, quietly. His arms envelop you, hands gently rubbing your back in an attempt to provide comfort.

After God knows how long, the storm within you subsides, and your sole focus shifts to the rhythmic cadence of his breathing, the reassuring sensation of his chest rising and falling against your own.

“It won’t always be like this,” he says, “I promise.”

Drawing back from him, you release a deep breath. "Listen, I don't mean to get emotional," you start, a strained laugh escaping your lips as you wipe your eyes with your palms. He joins in, sharing a laugh that mirrors your own.

“I just—if you tell me you know what you’re doing, or that you have people looking out for you, I’ll try not to worry so much.”

His head tilts ever so slightly, and his fingers extend, delicately tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You surrender to the warmth of his touch, and his hand lingers at your cheek, caressing gently. "The coaching staff is great, and so are the guys."

“I don’t want you being the league’s punching bag.”

“I can handle myself.” He defends.

“Matthew.” You huff out.

He sighs, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip. “Do you trust me?”

Your gaze softens. “Course’ I do”

“Trust me, then.”

Your teeth graze your bottom lip, nibbling softly as you mull over his words. After a moment of contemplation, you respond with a simple, "Okay."

He quirks a brow. “Okay?”

“Yes Matty, I’m trusting you to not be a dumbass.”

A snort escapes his lips, morphing into a full-bellied laugh—a sound you find utterly captivating. The reading timer you set on your phone chimes from the other side of the couch, an unwelcome reminder of the outside world and the passage of time.

“It’s late.” You comment, “You tired?”

He nods. “A bit.”

"Let’s head to bed, hm?" You attempt to shift away, but his large hands firmly grasp your waist, keeping you in place.

"Wait," he groans, drawing you closer to him.

"What?" you ask, a questioning smile playing on your lips.

“I believe you have something for me?”

Your brows furrow in confusion, your mind retracing the events of the day in an attempt to recall if you've forgotten anything. It's only when his lips form a pout that you roll your eyes at the boy in front of you, but lean in nonetheless.

His lips meet yours softly, moving with a gentle rhythm. His hands migrate from your waist to your bum, delivering a cheeky squeeze that elicits a gasp from you, granting him complete access to your mouth. The scruff of his facial hair lightly scratches against the area above your top lip, and you pull away to catch your breath, Matt doing the same. "You taste like Gatorade."

[abbyromanoff]

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MINE

PAIRINGS: Wanda Maximoff x reader

WORD COUNT: 2,475

WARNINGS: angst, cheating, divorce, depression, fluff, mind manipulation, the hex being created, pregnancy, kinda dark, think that’s all :)

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!

Wanda hummed as the flavors hit her taste buds, her eyes directed at you as she smiled warmly.

“How do you like the dinner, sweetheart?” You grinned beneath the fork inside your mouth, instantly returning your lips back to a thin line when her eyes left you.

“Well, I hope you’d like it, I spent many hours prepping this.” She chuckled, giving your hand a squeeze from across the table. You still didn’t utter a word, she was growing concerned.

“What’s wrong, baby?” You shrugged, nervously playing with your food as you bit the inside of your cheek, a habit you started and failed to stop, much to Wanda’s liking.

“C’mon, you can talk to me, that’s what I’m here for.” You looked up, noticing her intense gaze that showed she knew exactly what you were going to say.

“You still haven’t signed the papers.” Her body tensed, her eyes shutting as she sighed. Her hand balled into a tight fist as she continued to eat. She could see you were lacking the ring on your finger, the sight making her want to crawl into a corner and cry her eyes out. There was no way out of this, she realized, so she had to make one.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“My fucking God, Wanda,” You slammed your hands down, standing as you paced urgently. She refused to look, instead finding her meal all the more interesting.

“You’re pathetic, you know that? You can’t sign some fucking papers, really? This marriage has been ruined the moment you slept with that tramp.” The realization made her throat tighten, tears nearly ready to spill from her loopy eyes.

“I told you it was a mistake, it meant nothing-”

“That doesn’t stop the fact that it happened, Wanda! Do you think it’s easy for me to have to live here daily? To see you and constantly be reminded of what you did? I worked so hard to even convince myself I was worthy of you, and you go and do this?” She cowered down, wiping her hands on the small cloth in her lap while you stared at her, nostrils flared and eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m sorry-”

“Sorry doesn’t fix what you did-”

“God, will you let me fucking speak?” She yelled, growing frustrated with the constant interruption. You didn’t refute, instead placing your hands on your hips as you waited for her voice to return.

“I told you, I was drunk and she looked so much like you. We were fighting, I was upset, you were too, so I went out and got wasted to the point I could barely walk. I saw her there and I…I let her take me home, but when I woke up I- I realized what I did and I knew I fucked up.”

“Yeah, you did.” You already heard the story before, the same one that haunted you in your dreams. You imagined someone else being able to hear the moans she promised were only for you, it made you violently ill.

“I made a promise to you, and I plan to keep it. I will never, and I mean never, touch a drink again. I won’t even look in another woman’s direction because I don’t need to when I have my wife right in front of me. My perfect, breathtaking, loving wife that I care for so much.” She wrapped her arms around your waist as she dropped to her knees, placing her forehead against your thigh.

“Please, baby, I don’t know how many times I have to apologize before you forgive me, but I’ll continue to tell you for the rest of my life.” She placed small kisses against the covered skin, feeling the warmth that you supplied, the same warmth that brought her comfort at night. Now it brought her shame and guilt, but she’d rather carry that burden for the rest of her life than lose you for even a moment.

“I don’t want to have to be reminded of what you did for the rest of my life, Wanda. I’m constantly having someone down my ear telling me how terrible you are, and how I should never forgive you. For fucks sake, even our friends have told me to leave you! How am I going to look them in the eye again knowing all they see is someone who’s too gullible to even leave their cheating wife?” You sobbed, and the look on your face only brought misery to the woman. You seemed so lost, so exhausted, and she was the cause.

“I know, I know, and none of this is fair to you, and I’m so sorry I caused this-”

“Stop saying sorry. Please, I can’t do this.” You begged, your voice cracking as you drew more emotions.

“But I mean it! I never want you to feel like I don’t want you because I want you more than anything. I need you, Y/N, I need you in my life.” It was true, she didn’t know how to properly function without you. You were the only one who kept her going, you were the one who held her when she felt like she couldn’t stand. When she was ready to give up, she had you holding her back. Without you, she’d be nothing.

“You say you need me, but you don’t consider what I need. And what I need is for you to let me go, and sign the papers.” You wanted to give in, to fall into her embrace and let her make it up to you. But you couldn’t, your mind would never let you forget the scene you walked in on. And maybe you’d still remember it vividly without her, but at least you wouldn’t have to be in the exact place it happened with the person who did it. At least you could move on and find someone who wouldn’t hurt you like this, intoxicated or not.

“No- no, I won’t do it.” Tear stains painted your shirt from where her head rested, you knew you’d have to throw this out sooner than later.

“Wanda, please, just do it.” You squeezed your eyes shut, forcing yourself to ignore her pleas.

“But-”

“I’m begging you, Wanda. If you truly loved me, you’d want me to be happy.” She rushed towards you when you tried to escape her tight hold.

“You’re happier with me-”

“I can’t be happy with you, not when I can’t stop thinking about what you did. It ruined me, Wands, and it continues to haunt me every breathing moment.” The nickname brought a crack to her rotting heart. Her body felt like it was decaying the more you pulled away and the more she tried to hold on.

“You’re going to sign the papers. And then I’ll be gone. This is best for the both of us, you’ll learn to live without me.” She felt as though she was going to be sick, why were you still denying her? She couldn’t let you go. No, she couldn’t.

You leaned down to her level, moving the hair that covered her face out of the way. You cupped her cheeks, smiling sadly as her sobs caused her hands to shake lightly. She reached out hopefully, copying your action and bringing herself closer.

“Can I- can I have one last kiss, at least?” You looked down, sighing as you shook your head before returning her gaze.

“If I kiss you, I don’t think either of us will be able to stop.”

“That’s not a bad thing, is it?” You chuckled, and it felt like music to her ears. She smiled warmly, even though her chest tightened and her breath cut short.

“I love you, Wanda, I always will. Maybe we were just never meant to be, and that’s okay. But if I don’t let you go now, I’ll never be able to be happy.” But you could’ve been meant to be, she realized. You could’ve been the best, most loving couple. Your kids would’ve grown up in a healthy, safe household full of love. But that all came to an end when that night left her hopeless, she pleaded with God constantly to rid her actions but they were never heard.

“I love you too, Y/N, and I want you to be happy, I just wish I could’ve been the reason.”

“You were.” The past tense was what caused her body to crash into yours. She lost all control as your arms brought her a sense of comfort she lacked for so long.

“I’m sorry I failed you.”

In a few months, the divorce was being settled and you officially moved out. You had been staying with a friend for some time, and she was more than happy to help you out. She had been in a similar situation before, so it was clear what she had to do when she saw you standing on her front porch. Wanda thought she would be able to see you when you would gather your stuff from her place, but a multitude of your friends went instead, all of them giving glares to the older woman as she refused to look at the empty home. It seemed wrong without your stuff here, and all she had were pictures of the two of you that she couldn’t remove.

She felt hopeless as time progressed, and the lack of messages or calls from you only made time move slower. Every day felt like a decade as she failed to execute basic human needs. She often struggled to get out of bed or brush her teeth, and now it’s been two days since she last showered. She wondered how you were, she hoped you weren’t in such a horrid state like herself. But a part of her also hoped you were, just so she knew you still cared.

Eventually, it all became too much. She hadn’t slept in her bed in over a year, the constant reminder that another laid where you once were disgusted her. The couch had become her home, but even the couch seemed to shame her. Her favorite movies didn’t feel the same without you laughing with her. The sitcoms she loved so much now annoyed her; she had changed completely, and it was all her fault.

She couldn’t hold it back anymore, she broke. Her small, empty home in the town of Westview became full once again. She didn’t know what happened. One moment she was sobbing uncontrollably while huddling close to the stuffed animal she had won for you on your first date, then the plain walls filled with hope. Her heart slowly gained a beat, and her hands felt warm again. She stood in front of a door, her fist finding the wood and creating a small knock.

“It’s open!” She heard, and she stopped in her tracks. It was you, it was your angelic voice that was slowly fading from her mind. She gulped fearfully before twisting the knob, letting her legs take control as she stepped forward.

“Love, you’re home!” You greeted with a smile, turning to face her as Wanda’s eyes fell on the toddler being held in your arms. She had the same hair as Wanda, and while it wasn’t easy to spot from so far away, she could see her green, piercing eyes looking back at her. The child giggled and pointed her chubby finger her way, causing a smile to break out on her face.

“Everything alright, sweetie?” You asked when she didn’t move, her mouth agape and her hands nearly releasing the briefcase she held.

“Yes…everything is just perfect, my love.” She mustered out, rushing towards your figure and embracing you in a tight hold. The replica of her was left with a small kiss to her forehead before she took her into her arms, blowing raspberries on her exposed tummy. Alana giggled again, and it felt like Wanda’s ear would explode. She felt like she was dreaming, only this wasn’t the nightmare she fought with every night. No, this time you were here to cure her.

“Momma!” She heard from a distance, seeing a young boy running to greet her. He hugged her leg tightly, causing Wanda to stumble before she leaned down, ruffling his hair before she gave him a small side hug, the baby in her arms restricting her from embracing him as much as she wanted to.

“Hey, kiddo! How was your day?”

“It was amazing! Me, Mommy, and Alana made dinner!” She gasped, showing her appreciation towards the excited boy before he ran off to the kitchen as she requested. He was still too young to carry his little sister, so she continued to do so.

“And hello to you, my sweet baby.” Wanda placed a small kiss against your stomach, placing her hand against the bump and rubbing her thumb in small, soothing circles.

“Have they been giving you any trouble today?” She asked, resulting in a small sigh from your end.

“They’ve been kicking all day. I swear, if they’re not professional soccer players, I don’t know what else they’ll do.” Wanda laughed before leaving multiple pecks to your lips, grasping your hand in hers before leading you to the kitchen.

“Well, it’s only a few more months until they’ll be out of you, I know you can do it.” You stopped in your tracks, eyeing her and causing the taller woman to stall. Nobody wanted to see you angry, especially when you were pregnant.

“First of all, I don’t see you carrying two demons in your stomach, so I’d shut up if I were you. And, second of all, this is the third time I’m doing this, you are no longer allowed to go without a condom.” She placed her hand on her chest as if she was offended and you grinned, leaving a kiss on her cheek before walking through the kitchen door where your son laid out all the dishes for you four. You thanked him before he climbed onto his seat, still finding himself to be too short for the chairs you had. Wanda placed your daughter in the high chair before taking the seat next to her. You noticed her smiling large, her eyes being filled with more joy than usual.

“What’s got you all happy?” She admired the scene in front of her, Pietro Jr and Alana sitting peacefully, both of them sharing the genes she was blessed with. Her partner, smiling back at her while they carried her twins, she couldn’t have asked for anything more.

“Oh, nothing, I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have all of you.” You blushed, tilting your head slightly as you bit your lip.

“Well, that’s never going to change, sweetheart.” ‘I’ll make sure of it’, she thought.