#it’s okay to sleep even when I’m anxious even when I’m nauseous I can get over it and magically sleep and wake up when I need to wake up an

[milo-is-rambling]

I just want to cry what the fuck

[lightsoutletsgo]

anxiety gremlin — op.81

pairing: oscar piastri x anxious!reader

word count: 3.5k

warnings: mentions of anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder, description of physical symptoms including; nausea, headaches, sweaty hands, stomach pains, brain fog, mental struggles, mentions of panic attacks but reader doesn’t experience one, mentions of food and making food related decisions. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!  hello loves! this one is very personal to me and it was a pretty selfish write tbh... I wasn't sure if I should post it but I decided to do it in the hopes that it brings people some comfort. Oscar's dialogue at the end is a message that I, as the author, want to remind you all. you've got this, even if it doesn't feel like it! happy reading love mimi

Sometimes, it felt as though the world was out to get you. You faced the world and your flight, fight or freeze instincts kicked in. When you woke up, it seemed like it was going to be one of those days. That unexplainable feeling of nausea turning your stomach and an unexplainable headache pulled at the back of your head. Your jaw tensed as the nausea hit you in another wave and you forced yourself to roll over and close your eyes. Maybe if you could get back to sleep you’d wake up feeling better. Your mind however, had other ideas. Instead, deciding to send you down the spiral of impending doom - a lovely gift first thing in the morning. Thoughts whizzed through your head; Why did you feel so nauseous? Why did your head hurt? Had you forgotten something? What were your plans for the day and was that why this horrible feeling was creeping up? You sat up, accepting that you wouldn’t be falling back asleep and decided to get ready for the day. Perhaps a shower would help? The warm water was soothing as it rushed over you and whether it was the heat or the steam or the fact you were doing something to distract yourself, for a moment you felt a little better. Exiting the shower you decided that while the nausea had subsided, it would be a good time to start hydrating and maybe think about eating something. Your phone rang and dragged you from your internal rambling, “Hi baby!” You smiled, despite the fact that your boyfriend couldn’t see you, “Good morning angel,” You could hear Oscar’s dopey lovesick grin through the phone, “how did you sleep?” You set him down on loudspeaker as you got dressed, “I slept okay! How about you?” “I would have slept better if you didn’t keep stealing the blankets…” You gasped, “I do not!” Oscar laughed, “You absolutely do! One night I’m going to record you for evidence.” You giggled, “You do that baby.” Oscar nodded then realised you couldn’t see him, “I’m just calling to find out what you want for breakfast? I figured I’d stop off at that little cafe that you like on my way home.” You gulped, you had no clue what you wanted or how to decide, “I’d love that, thank you handsome!” You thought frantically for a solution, “Uhh you can choose for me! I trust you!” There was a pause on the other end of the line, “Are you sure angel?” “Yup, mhm, so sure!” “O-okay…” After making Oscar promise to drive safely, you hung up. 

You realised that for a moment while talking to Oscar, you hadn’t even thought about feeling anxious but it was as if that realisation had summoned the feeling back. All of a sudden your hands felt shaky and it was hard to focus on anything but the disconcerting feeling in your chest. Sitting down on the couch you did your best to control your breathing. Sometimes you wished that it would just turn into a panic attack and be done with. Anything would be better than this on-off-on-off situation. It was like feeling a sneeze that wouldn’t leave your body. Unsatisfying and unsettling. 

The front door opening made you snap your head up and you realised that subconsciously you had been rubbing your hands on your sweatpants to try and get rid of the clammy feeling. You shook your head and smiled as Oscar walked through the door, you were just a little bit anxious, it was no big deal. 

Oscar beamed at you as he entered the living room. He noticed that you seemed distracted and almost a little shifty. Your eyes kept darting around the room and your hands were absentmindedly picking at a loose thread on the hem of your t-shirt - a habit you usually despised because it had the potential to ruin your clothes. He said nothing, just walked through the room to the kitchen and placed down the paper bags filled with breakfast. “You okay there angel?” You nodded at him but it wasn’t enough to reassure him, “Are you sure?” You nodded once more, why now of all times were you feeling sick again? You sat there grinding your teeth together and clenched your jaw, feeling too sick to open your mouth and reply. You wanted to reply, you really did! But your brain had decided that words were a step too far. “Did you do something while I was out, hmm?” Oscar joked but all it did was make you more anxious, ‘was he angry?’, ‘was he going to shout at you?’, ‘breakup with you?’, “Come on troublemaker, you can tell me!-” “Nothing! Nothing happened! Now will you please stop asking.” You snapped, immediately clapping a hand across your mouth in shock before the tears were welling up in your eyes. “Oscar I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry baby I shouldn’t have snapped… Please don’t be angry!” You rambled a million miles an hour as your hands began rubbing and grabbing the material of your sweatpants again, not even realising your breathing had turned heavy and you were sweating. Oscar stood there in shock, he had never seen you like this before, was this because of him? He slowly approached you, not sure of the issue and not sure how to resolve it. “It’s okay angel, it’s okay” He held his hand out to you but you shook your head, talking through a clenched jaw in the hopes it would help the queasy feeling in your stomach, “Hands sweaty.” Oscar nodded, “Okay then, can I sit next to you?” You nodded, he gently took a seat next to you, careful not to jostle or jolt you, “Is this a medical emergency?” You shook your head, “do I need to call an ambulance?” You shook your head once more, feeling like you wanted to cry.

How embarrassing that you were having an episode like this in front of your boyfriend after hiding it so well for so long. And even more embarrassing that you couldn’t tell him what was going on let alone why you felt the way you did, “Is this a panic attack?” You shook your head no. Oscar made a little ‘oh’ and sat quietly next to you, unsure of what to say or do. You took a deep breath and forced yourself to open your mouth, despite how heavy your tongue felt. “I’m just a bit anxious.” “What about?” You shrugged, “Nothing. Everything. Hard to explain.” Oscar smiled at you through your one word answers and short sentences, “Well I can wait, it’s okay.” You nodded, hands starting to tingle with how long you’d been rubbing them against fabric and you winced as a sudden cramping feeling started in your stomach. Oscar seemed to notice your discomfort, “Please let me hold your hand angel, I promise I don’t care if it’s sweaty and you think it’s gross, I just want to help okay?” You nodded, breathing deeply and letting him take your hand in his. 

As soon as your hand was in his, his thumb was rubbing gentle circles over the back of your hand. A soothing motion that you let your eyes focus on. Watching his hands and how they moved, anything to keep your attention off of the anxious feeling. 

As he sat next to you Oscar wondered how he should approach you to talk about this. Clearly there was something you weren’t telling him. He thought he knew what it was and he understood why you hadn’t told him. He knew that people got anxious, hell he was always anxious before a race, but he also knew that for some people it went beyond unsettling feelings. He guessed that that’s what you were dealing with too. He’d seen Logan feeling like this a few times and so he wracked his brain to try and remember what the American had told him was useful. How about distraction? It was worth a shot! “Want to watch a film?” You nodded, eyes still laser focused on Oscar’s hands. “I knew you had a thing for my hands but you are allowed to blink you know.” He joked, cracking the smallest sound of an exhale of laughter from you, that was a start. “What film should we watch, hmm?” He grabbed the remote to start flicking through options, his hand never leaving yours, but aware that there was enough space between you so you didn’t feel smothered. “I think something cute and funny? Yes that’s a goooood plan Oscar.” You gave a weak smile once more as he talked to himself and he smiled at you, “how about Tangled?” You nodded and he selected the film, settling back into the couch, head looking at you once more, “Do you want to cuddle?” You shook your head and he just shrugged, wanting to keep you as comfortable as possible,  “That’s okay, you just let me know when you do, okay?” You nodded and he squeezed your hand to comfort you, “Do you want to sit back on the couch?” Your body was still tightly wound and feeling like a live wire so you shook your head, physically unable to relax. And still all Oscar did was smile at you.

As the film started, you did your best to focus on it, finding yourself unable to stop smiling and releasing some of the tension in your shoulders at various points when your boyfriend spoke the lines along with the characters, with facial expressions. You watched on screen as Rapunzel and Flynn entered the Ugly Duckling Pub and you realised your body finally felt relaxed enough to sit back against the couch. Oscar silently breathed a sigh of relief, all he wanted to do was fix it for you but he knew that he could only do so much. 

By the time the next song had finished, your body was subconsciously leaning against him. Your head rested on his shoulder and he gently tilted his head to rest on top of yours. You gave a little contented sigh. As you sat there, a wave of tiredness hit you, the physical symptoms and mental strain you’d been feeling since you woke up taking its toll. With Oscar’s warm body next to you and the comforting sounds of one of your favourite movies on screen, it wasn’t long before you felt your eyes beginning to slowly close. Oscar looked down at you and saw that your lashes had fluttered shut. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head and let his own eyes slip shut. 

When you woke up a couple of hours later, the TV was off and you were laying on the couch with a soft blanket covering you. You sat up and sleepily rubbed your eyes, “Osc?” You heard low music drifting through the door to the kitchen and you could hear Oscar mumbling to himself and humming along, cursing occasionally when pots and pans clanged together. He poked his head out from the kitchen door, “There’s my pretty girl. Good morning angel.” He cooed at you and the way you blinked back at him sleepily. “What time is it?” “It’s lunchtime! I was just reheating breakfast.” You nodded, sitting up and pulling your knees up to your chest as he padded across the room to take a seat at the end of the couch by your feet, “I’m sorry.” Oscar’s eyes searched your face as you looked down at your hands in your lap. Oscar’s hand rested on your knee, “Angel, you never have to apologise for something like that…” He trailed off, hesitant to ask you his next question, “do you want to talk about it?” You inhaled slowly, nodding, “Yeah I think I would.” He gently nudged you with his elbow and you shifted back to let him sit in front of you, both of you sitting cross legged. He held his hands out to you and you took them with a shaky exhale.  

“Umm… I’m not exactly sure how to explain it?” You admitted, your fingers playing with his own in an effort to keep yourself grounded as that familiar feeling of your shoulders tightening and nausea creeping up began to settle in. He followed your gaze, “That’s okay, we have all the time in the world. Explain it however you feel is easiest.” You nodded once more, “So obviously you noticed that I was feeling anxious,” He tilted his head to one side to show you he was listening as you continued, “That’s because I have generalised anxiety disorder. And the thing is… I feel like that most of the time.” You admitted shakily, desperately willing yourself not to cry. If Oscar was surprised or taken aback he didn’t show it, instead just linking your hand with his and squeezing, encouraged you continued, 

“There are good days and there are bad days but I’m always anxious… There’s this constant feeling of underlying panic or anxiety or this sense of impending doom.” You looked up and noticed how Oscar’s eyes searched yours, willing you to understand that he wasn’t going anywhere, “I feel nauseous, I feel shaky, my hands get clammy, sometimes it’s like I forget how to breathe, my head and stomach hurt for no reason, my head goes fuzzy and it’s hard to focus on anything but the feeling of how anxious I am…” “Baby…” Oscar breathed, you gave him a watery smile, tears filling your lash line, 

“It makes me irritable, it makes me bitchy, it makes me snap at people I love, it makes me sensitive and emotional, I cry a lot, I cancel plans at the last second, I keep to myself and I build my walls up…” You trailed off, meeting his gaze and noticing that his eyes were filling with tears too, “Sometimes it feels like I’m two people. Me and my anxiety.” You couldn’t help the way the tears fell with a choked sob, “Angel, can I please please give you a hug?” Oscar pleaded, itching to pull you into his arms and comfort you. 

You nodded through your sobs, finally feeling the huge emotional release that had been building since you’d woken up. He reached for you, gently grabbing your arms and pulling you forward onto him. Falling back against the arm of the couch with you against his chest as you both stretched your legs out. He held you for what felt like forever, tightly wrapping his arms around you and stroking your hair, gently murmuring to you and kissing your forehead. When your sobs had subsided a little, he wiped your cheeks, “My sweet girl…” He gently pressed kisses across your face, relishing in the way your crying eased and you let out a little sigh after each one, “Thank you so much for telling me angel.” He paused, “Can I ask why you didn’t tell me before?” He asked gently. You sighed, fisting his t-shirt in your hand as you fought the nervous feeling that made your stomach flip. His hand rubbed up and down your back in a soothing motion as he felt you tense up in his arms, “I’m not mad at you baby, I just want to know what I can do differently in the future. I’d hate it if you didn’t feel safe enough to come to me for help.” You nodded, nuzzling into his chest, attempting to block out the world and focus on Oscar. Just Oscar. 

“Everyone I’ve told has left…” You mumbled sadly, “Hmmm?” His voice was soft, like he didn’t want to scare you out of answering, “I told a few people growing up, uni friends and stuff, and they would always answer with the usual ‘oh yeah I feel anxious too’... Until I explained I had diagnosed anxiety disorder and then,” you sighed, “then they would tell me it was too much for them to deal with, or they would get mad at me for ruining plans, or tell me to just get over it when I tried to talk to them about it.” Oscar’s hold on you tightened a little as he felt a spark of anger burn inside him. How dare they? Anyone could see that you were trying your best, he gave you his full attention as you continued, “I guess all of those things mean that I have a hard time opening up and trusting people with the knowledge of my diagnosis because it’s always backfired… Please don’t be mad at me… I do trust you, I just…” “Hey,” Oscar’s voice was low to ensure he didn’t trigger you, “I’m not mad or disappointed at you baby, I’m frustrated with myself for not noticing sooner.” “I’m pretty good at hiding it,” you admitted, the two of you led there in silence for a moment before Oscar spoke again, “Well I’m beyond proud of you. For dealing with it everyday and for opening up to me.” You tilted your head up to look at him and pressed a soft kiss to his jawline, “Thank you for listening.” He smiled back down at you, “Of course.” 

You summoned up the courage to ask him the question that had been on your mind for a little while, “H-how did you know how to help?” Oscar breathed deeply for a second, “There’s someone on the grid who uhhh, struggles with the same thing. They’ve opened up to me and explained what helps them so I figured I’d try?” You pushed yourself up to look at him in surprise, “Someone on the grid?” Oscar nodded, “I won’t say who, because it’s their thing to disclose and explain,” You nodded, “Of course!” “But they’re doing their best to work on things and ask for help and they’ve been doing really well.” Oscar made a mental note to ask Logan if he would consider talking to you. “Well, Tangled was a great choice!” You giggled as Oscar nuzzled his nose into your neck, “Yeah? I wanted to pick something that wouldn’t make you feel worse.” You couldn’t help the way you threw your arms around him and cuddled into him, so thankful for him and the thought and care he gave to you. “I love you.” It was muffled against his chest but he knew what you wanted to say and so with a chuckle he kissed the top of your head, “I love you too, angel.”

You stayed there for a moment before he was gently pushing you to sit up so he could look into your eyes, “I want to say something.” He hesitated and you nodded at him to continue. He gently held your chin with one hand, keeping you looking at him as his other hand found yours in your lap, linking his fingers with yours and squeezing, despite the way your hands were starting to get a little clammy again, “You may have anxiety disorder but it’s not who you are, baby.” Your eyes widened, he continued, “You are not your diagnosis. There is so much more to you than that. You are kind and caring, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re creative.” Your heart melted at how passionately he was speaking. “You’re loved and valued by me and so many others, angel… I love you, the anxiety gremlin that comes with you and all.” You giggled at how he referred to it, “Anxiety gremlin… I like it!” He smiled, kissing your nose, you scrunched it up and he kept talking, “I know I can’t fix it and make it go away, believe me baby I wish that I could. But I promise that I’ll be here through all the bad days and the good days. I’ll do everything I can to make it easier and more bearable for you.”

You couldn’t help the way you started crying again, happy tears this time, Oscar’s thumb gently wiping them away, “So when you’re feeling up to it, we’re gonna sit down and talk about how I can help. What I can do when you’re having a bad day, the things we can do together, how you like to be distracted, how I can help when we’re out in public, maybe a codeword?-” You giggled as he started speaking faster and faster, you stopped his rambling with a soft kiss, pressing your lips to his, your hand cupping his face, thumb rubbing over his cheek, “That sounds perfect baby, thank you.” Oscar kissed you once more, pulling you into him, “You just let me know when you’re ready.” You nodded, “I will, I promise.” “Good! But for now, we still need to eat our breakfast!”

[cozage]

The Daughter's Return: Part 3

Chapter 4: Doctor's Visit

Start From Beginning | Next Chapter | Table of Contents | Read on AO3

Characters: female reader x Portgas D. Ace Word Count: 2.2k

As soon as the doors to the clinic were open, Ace was dragging you inside. He even wore a shirt without you having to remind you. He was that desperate to get you in.

You couldn’t blame him. Neither of you had gotten much sleep. When you finally managed to doze off, you were haunted by horrific dreams. It was almost better to be awake and sleep deprived. But when you were awake, you were also nauseous. Both states of being were about equally as miserable. 

Ace hadn’t slept well either. You knew he was anxious to be on an island. He wanted to be out at sea, chasing down Teach. And you couldn’t blame him. Justice had to be dealt and you were keeping him tied down, waiting for the clinic to open their doors. 

The doctor took you quickly, though they made Ace wait in the lobby. It made you nervous to be separated from him, but it would be easier to talk about your actual concerns this way. 

You gave a false name and age to the worker, not wanting your records to be found by anyone. Then they took your weight and blood pressure, which they noted was a bit high. That would be reason for concern, if you weren’t in the process of tracking down your uncle’s killer.  

“My name is Ali,” the young nurse said. “What brings you in today.?”

“Quite frankly,” you tried to swallow the lump in your throat. “I think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh!” Ali said, her eyes widening in shock.

“The guy out in the lobby doesn’t know yet. I just wanted to get a test to be certain before I told him.”

“Of course.” Ali nodded and began writing some information down on her sheet. “I’ll order some labs for you, and take some blood. Should I bring him back or leave him out there?”

You sighed in relief. This girl really was a godsend. She knew exactly what you needed. 

“Can you bring him back?” you asked. “That would be great.”

She went and gathered Ace, who you referred to as Axel in front of the staff, and then began to prepare for a blood sample. As she tried to take your blood, you realized you had forgotten to give her very important information. 

“Oh!” You pulled away from the incoming needle, startling the nurse. “I’m sorry, I just forgot to tell you- I have a devil fruit power. Logia type.”

“Oh dear,” Ali said, quickly pulling away her needle. “I totally forgot to ask you that question as a part of the screening. Here-” she handed you a bracelet that had green stone and an adjustable leather cord. “If you’ll just put that on, we can get started.”

When you put it on, you hardly felt different. You felt a little more solid than you usually did, but that was about it.

“What is this?” you asked, examining the bracelet around your wrist. 

“Sea prism,” the nurse said. You felt Ace stiffen beside you. Sea prism usually meant bad things for pirates, but you trusted this woman.

 “It’s an extremely weakened version of it, so it just negates your abilities without physically weakening you. You’ll need it if-” she paused, her eyes flitting over to Ace. “Well, we can talk about the uses for it later.”

She easily stuck the needle in and drew out a few vials of blood, and then sent them off to the lab. “We’ll have results in about ten to twenty minutes. Just hang tight, okay?”

You gave her a tense smile. “Thanks.”

Ace looked pale and sick. You couldn’t blame him. Usually when people were this kind, it was a trap. Every bone in your body was telling you to flee. But you couldn’t run away this time. You had to wait for the results. 

“Are you going to die?” Ace whispered. “I know I said you could go first, but I didn’t mean this soon.”

“I’m not going to die, Ace,” you said. “Let’s just wait for the results, okay?”

You didn’t have to wait long, thankfully. Ali had worked some kind of laboratory magic, and came back in less than ten minutes. 

When the door opened, Ace’s hand interlaced in yours and he held onto it tightly, as if you were his only anchor for survival. 

Ali gave you a big grin as she shut the door, looking at the two of you with pure joy on her face. “I believe some congratulations are in order!”

“Congratulations?” Ace asked, confusion written all over his face. 

You wanted to puke. You were right. And now Ace was about to find out. 

“All of the bloodwork came back normal,” Ali confirmed. “Except for the pregnancy test. That came back positive.”

You gripped Ace’s hand tighter than you thought possible, but Ace was still processing her words. 

“Pregnancy test?” He looked at you, his eyes wide with fear. “You’re pregnant?”

“It looks like she’s about done with her first trimester!” Ali squeaked, her excitement palpable in the room. You wished you could feel the same. 

“Ali-” you cleared your throat, trying to maintain your composure. “Can we have a minute?”

“Oh!” Ali’s face flushed with pink. “Of course. Let me give you some privacy to talk about this, and then we can go over everything you need to know.”

Ace was still staring at you, unbelieving and unaccepting. You flinched slightly as the door shut, waiting for Ace to say something. Anything. 

“How long?” Ace demanded. “How long have you known?”

“Last night,” you admitted. “The no-moon made me realize.”

“We were so careful!”

You sighed. “The onsen.”

Ace’s eyes got wide. “Fuck,” he hissed. “I forgot about that.”

“I swear I didn’t know before last night,” you promised. 

“I believe you,” Ace said. “You were too stubborn about that no-moon.”

You gave a nervous laugh that quickly died, leaving the room wrapped in an eerie silence. 

“What do we do?” you whispered, tears filling your eyes. Now that it was real, it all felt so scary. 

“What do you mean? We’re having a baby!” Ace laughed, a toothy smile emerging from his previously concerned face. “I thought you were dying, but this is great news in comparison!”

“But-” you paused to wipe away your tears. “You said you didn’t want kids.”

He put a hand atop your stomach, staring down at where your child was growing. “I changed my mind.”

“You changed your mind?”

“Yep.” He gave another soft smile, staring at your stomach with complete love and infatuation. “We’re gonna be better parents than even Pops. Think we can do that?”

You laughed, choking out a sob as well. “I thought you said pirates-”

He cut your words off with his lips; a kiss that was long and deep, and all of your doubt was instantly replaced with love. 

He finally pulled away from your lips, pressing his forehead against yours. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

You gave him a tearful smile and nodded in agreement. “Okay,” you whispered. 

“I really thought you were going to die,” Ace whispered. “This is nothing compared to that.”

Ace couldn’t stop staring at your belly, that goofy grin still widespread across his face. He was still staring when Ali knocked on the door a few minutes later, and came back in. 

“How are we feeling?” she asked, her eyes glancing between you and Ace. 

“Great!” Ace was cheerful and enthusiastic as he spoke to Ali, but he kept his hand protectively over you. 

“Awesome!” Ali said, turning back to you. “There’s a lot of information we need to go over, but the most important is that bracelet. It’s yours now. Keep it on unless you need to use your devil fruit powers.”

“Wait, what? Why?” you asked, looking at the sea prism bracelet. 

“Logia users are at the highest risk of a failed pregnancy. Your body goes through extreme changes and isn’t even always solid sometimes. You may be able to handle those changes like it’s nothing, but a baby can’t.

“We recommend you keep your ability usage down to around 15 minutes over an hour span between months two through four. I’m guessing your body has been having some weird reactions over the past few weeks? The pregnancy would be the reason for it. Keeping that bracelet on should help negate those adverse effects, as well as clear up any major nausea and major sickness you’ve been having.”

“Wow,” you whispered. “I had no idea. That makes so much sense.”

“Between months five and nine,” Ali continued on, handing Ace a pamphlet. “We recommend no ability usage at all unless absolutely imperative circumstances. It’s very dangerous to the baby for the mother to use powers during that time. That bracelet will be your absolute best friend over the next few months. I hope you like green!”

You gave a light laugh as you continued to stare at the bracelet, but you could feel dread bubbling up inside you. If you couldn’t use your powers, you weren’t sure how much help you would be at any time over the next few months, for Ace or for your family. 

“I’m sure you’re worried about losing the bracelet,” Ali said, misunderstanding your unease. “We’ll give you a bag with two more in it, just in case one breaks or gets lost. And you can always come back to this clinic or any clinic on the Grand Line, most of them have a form of this in stock.”

“What about the baby?” Ace asked. “You said months two through four she should only be using her devil fruit powers 15 minutes an hour, but we’re on month three. Is there anything to be worried about?”

“We’ll do a routine checkup,” Ali said, turning to look at you. “But months two through four are more for the mother's sake. Preparing you to not be reliant on your powers as well as keeping the sickness at bay.”

You gave a nod, but your hand reached out to find Ace’s again. This was too much information. There was no way you would remember it all. He gripped your hand reassuringly, giving you an encouraging squeeze every now and then as Ali rambled through more specific deatils. 

She went over hundreds of other pieces of information, each thing coming with its own pamphlet or handout. Where to get checkups, how to get proper nutrition, things to look out for and things that were completely normal. It was overwhelming, and by the end of it, your head was spinning. 

The two of you walked out of the clinic, hands full of vitamins, appointment schedules, and the results of a healthy baby. It felt like an eternity ago that Thatch had died, and you wanted to cry remembering he was gone. How had you already forgotten so quickly?

As you and Ace walked back to the boat, you passed a board full of bounty posters. 

“Hey!” Ace called you back to the board. “Our bounties went up.”

You scowled. “We didn’t even do anything!”

He gave you a wicked grin. “They probably assumed the masterminds were involved in the embargo Thatch did the other week.”

His face fell at the mention of his fellow commander. It was clear that he had forgotten too. You walked back to the board, trying not to think about it too hard. Now was not the time for sadness. It was time for revenge. 

“What are they now?” You scanned the board, looking for your bounty poster. Both you and Ace had gotten updated photos after the Marine Ball incident, and it took a second to find them. 

“You’re at 550 million!?” you whispered, thoroughly impressed. Six months ago he hadn’t even been at a million, and now he was over halfway to a billion. 

“And you’re 790 million,” Ace smirked, nudging you playfully. “Look at you go.”

You rolled your eyes. “The Navy only sees Newgate.”

Ace pulled down your poster and shoved it in his pocket, and he stared at the board again, his mouth hanging wide open. 

“What?” you asked, looking where your poster had been. 

A straw hat. Not just any straw hat. Uncle Red’s old straw hat. The one he had promised to you years and years ago. 

“Hey!” you shouted. “I know that hat!”

“You know that hat?” Ace yelled back, his enthusiasm growing. “I know that kid! That’s Luffy!”

“Luffy?!” You looked back at the poster. Monkey D. Luffy. Ace’s little brother. 

You looked at him. “You’re telling me that your little brother stole my hat? Your family just keeps stealing all the stuff that was promised to me!”

He laughed at your joke, and you found yourself laughing along too. It had been a long time since you had thought about your promised position in a bitter way, and an even longer time since you had thought about that hat. 

“We should go see him,” Ace offered wistfully. “I was browsing the papers while you were with the nurse. Sounds like Teach was heading back to Paradise to form a crew.”

“Man, it’s been forever since I’ve been to Paradise.” You pulled down Luffy’s bounty poster, examining it as you walked. “You know Luffy already has a higher bounty than you did a few months ago, right?”

Ace groaned and shook his head. “The Navy is different with rookies now than they used to be. They don’t underestimate them anymore.”

“Or maybe he’s just stronger,” you said, sending him a cheesy grin as he rolled his eyes. 

“Come on.” He snatched Luffy’s poster out of your hand, but gingerly folded it up and placed it in his pocket. “We’ve got a pirate to find.”

--

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[fallinforerling]

LOVE ISN'T ETERNAL. chapter 7 - jb

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s masterlist

ೃ⁀➷ jude’s taglist

ೃ⁀➷ masterlist

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Your alarm went off sooner than expected. It was surprising that you managed to get any sleep the night before; you felt anxious and nauseous the whole day before and after going to bed, you stayed awake imagining tons of different scenarios of what could happen. You even wonder which seat was assigned to you.

You grabbed your phone, seeing that the alarm's name was “MATCH DAY!!!”. Yeah, you were extremely excited about it two months ago when you set it… It’s not like you weren’t excited to see Jobe’s first game as the holder of his position on the field, but Jude’s parents were attending as well… And Jude himself, of course.

“Well, Mom didn’t raise a bitch, so…”

It was time to get ready.

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✉️ Jobe: Are you sure about coming by yourself? I’m sure someone can pick you up. 

✉️ I’m sure, don’t even worry about me. Focus on the game and don’t stop for one second to think about me, your brother, or anything else. This is your day! 

✉️ Jobe: You’re truly one of my best friends, love you

✉️ Aw, Jobe! I love you too. See you at the pitch!

✉️ Jobe: Show the guards the card I gave you, they're going to take you to your seat, okay?

✉️ Sure thing! Best of luck out there

You blocked your phone, still waiting for the Uber. The food you had an hour ago was still heavy on your stomach, it made you worry. You hope to not vomit all over the place because of how tense and nervous you felt. The idea of taking a pill was still on the back of your mind, but being drugged around people wasn’t the brightest idea that occurred to you so far. It was better to deal with it with a clear mind. 

Mia and Nikki send support through text; after the week of relaxation the three of you had, you felt closer than ever to them. It was also refreshing to touch your phone again and feel nothing. For the sake of your mental health, you kept IG silenced, but you weren’t quitting it just because some people were too obsessed over your friends’ lives. You were still going to post about the game, you didn't care. You didn't accept any of the requests you received the week prior anyway. 

And who even cares if people noticed you there? It wasn’t a big deal, you, as every new face of a rumor involving footballers, were going to pass and people were going to forget about you in a few weeks. At least you hoped that’ll happen. 

And then your phone buzzed; it was the Uber driver. Thank God. If you were going to die from the nerves, it better be after the game. You wouldn’t let Jobe down.

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Dressed with your Birmingham jersey, hat, and scarf, you blended perfectly with the tons of supporters that were waiting to enter the stadium. The loud voices, few screams, and general excitement were a bit contagious, and by the time you made it to the main entrance, a big smile was glued to your face. Who cares about Jude Bellingham right now?

“Hello!” You said to a bodyguard behind a tiny glass window. 

“Hey, miss. I’m sorry, but there’s going to be another twenty minutes before we let people enter the stadium” He smiled at you sweetly, seeming honestly sorry about making people wait.

“Actually!” You took the card that hung on your neck, showing it above the scarf. “I have this?” 

He studied it for a second before extending his arm, clearly asking for it. You took it off as fast as you could, and after he scanned it, he took a second look to your face. 

“So you’re Bellingham’s guest?” 

“I sure am” It felt a bit weird to see his surprised face, but he hid it pretty quickly. 

“Give me a second” He disappeared behind the glass. You could hear loud voices shouting at each other and then the guard appeared again with a younger man next to him. “He’s going to take you to your seat, please, go ahead” Then a tinier door opened next to the entrance. 

“Thanks!” You followed the man silently, feeling thankful that he wasn’t much of a talker either. The hallways were almost empty, but you could see some staff members running around. The man stopped at one of the big doors and after guiding you around rounds and rounds of empty seats, he stopped at the very bottom, next to the freaking archery. “Uhm, are you sure this is my seat?” 

“Yes, this is the one that popped up on the system” 

“Very well… Thank you!” 

“You’re welcome” He gave you a tiny smile before leaving. You took another look at the seat, which seemed very comfortable, and then your eyes wandered to the archery. 

You were getting hit in the head, weren't you?

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While you waited for the people to start coming inside and the players to come to the field to warm up, you took your phone, snapping some photos to send to the girls. 

✉️ *two photos attached* 

✉️ Can you guys believe I’m right next to the archery??? 

✉️ Nikki: You’re totally getting smacked on the head with a ball

✉️ Mia: Lmao! TOTALLY

✉️ Thank you for the encouragement to stay calm :) (Fuck you)

✉️ Nikki: We love you too, my love 🫶🏻

✉️ Mia. It’s just funny to think about you getting hit in the head, sorry!

Your smile grew bigger. They were such assholes. 

“Hey, pretty lady” Jobe’s voice sounded right in front of you. The scream you let out was loud, making you almost drop your phone. 

“Jobe!” You laughed, feeling your cheeks blush when a couple of players walked in front of both of you with smirks. “I almost dropped my phone!”

“I know, the whole point of coming up to you while you were distracted was that” He smiled with such pleasure that you felt the need to kick him. He came closer to the barrier. “Give me a hug! For good luck and all that” 

“You just want to get hugged by a pretty girl, you’re not fooling anyone” You said while giving him said hug. “Jokes aside, I’m so proud of you. I’m sure you’re going to have an outstanding performance tonight.”

“I hope so” He seemed nervous, which was more than understandable. 

“You’re an amazing footballer, with talent and confidence. Remember?” You’ll never shut up about his talent, you trusted him. “And you work hard, just like your brother. So don’t be extremely nervous, you’re going to do great, okay?”

“Yes, of course.” His smile came back to his face. “Thank you.” 

“No problem… Now go warm up, I’ll be there fearing for my life the entire time.” 

“You’re not getting hit by a ball, don’t be a baby.” 

“You don’t know that!”

You saw him strode back to their half of the field, being greeted with some slaps on the back. Ah, yeah, minimal contact with a girl and the boys went crazy. You stood there for a few minutes, watching them warm up and chat with each other, then you retrieve your phone from your pocket, seeing that there were some texts from the girls. 

✉️ Nikki: So… I’m very sorry to ask you this BUT

✉️ Nikki: Have you seen The Bastard?

✉️ Mia: Yeaaaah, have you?

✉️ Thankfully no. But only time will tell if I pass out in a hallway or something

✉️ Mia: Very funny

✉️ Nikki: Don’t think twice about texting us, okay?

✉️ Of course. I’ll keep you updated

Oh god. You really wanted to get through this day without seeing him, but you knew you weren’t going to achieve that. It was impossible. You just had to wait and see when you were going to be face-to-face with him. 

As the minutes passed, people started to enter the stadium, rapidly filling up the seats. You were taken aback, hundreds of people were already singing, waving signs, flags, and chatting loudly. A particular area of the stadium called your attention; the VIP seats were protected by a strong but clear glass that let other people perfectly see who was there. You knew he was going to be there sooner than later. 

But no, you didn’t have time for that. You focused again on the field, where the players continued to warm up. Time passed and finally, it was time for them to get back into the dressing room and prepare to go out. Jobe gave you a small wave before leaving. You suddenly felt nervous for him. 

People next to you chatted loudly and sang, but you didn’t mind. Your eyes were glued to the exit for the players. The presenter shouted through the speakers the club's names as they came out. You had your phone prepared for this moment, so you focused on recording Jobe from the minute you saw him enter, wait in line for the final speech, and greet the other team members one by one. You felt like a proud mom, as stupid as it sounds. 

Then the game began and your brain managed to only focus on Birmingham’s side, how Jobe did on the midfield, even though you didn’t distinguish him from time to time. Then, from one moment to another, you started to cheer with the other fans because he got closer and closer to the archery of the opposite team. Which was the one you were sitting by. He made a pass, then another teammate passed it back to him, and just like that, he scored his first goal. Everyone went crazy, including you; he ran, being followed by his teammates, cheered with the fans who sang his name non-stop, and then came closer to where you were sitting (now standing) and pointed at you. You blew him a kiss, feeling more than proud and fascinated by his talent. You knew it. The emotion didn’t leave the fans for a while, and you were as happy as they were. You felt like a years-long follower. Football did unite people in the weirdest ways. And then people started to cheer next to you again. You looked at them, and they were looking back… at you?

“What's happening?” You asked a sweet girl who was next to her parents. She pointed to the top of the stadium, where the screens were. 

You turned to see, and… You were there! Right on the big screen. You smiled again, giving a quick wave before the camera focused on another person. Your cheeks were smoking hot, and your heart was beating so fast you thought you were about to have a heart attack.

And then, just when you got comfortable enough with the people surrounding you, the players went out on the field to rest. Damn, you were already forty-five minutes into the game without any accidents. Wonderful.

And right on time. You really needed to go to the bathroom. Most of the people stayed in their seats, but lots of them went out to get more drinks, go to the bathroom, etc. You slowly made your way through the crowd, and when you just made it through one of the doors, a guard stood in front of you. You looked at him, confused by his sudden stop.

“I'm sorry, miss. I have been ordered to move you from your seat.”

“Excuse me?” Were they throwing you out?

“Please, follow me. Will get to the VIP section in a minute.”

“Sorry?” Oh no. “VIP section?”

“Seems like your former seat was given by mistake, you were supposed to be on the VIP seats this whole time. We are deeply sorry.”

“That's okay! I think that I was supposed to be on that seat over there...” You pointed down the hallway, realizing just now that you were following him. “Can I ask why am I being moved?”

“It's been a request from one of our VIP members... Well, a few, actually.” His shy smile said it all.

“Are these members the Bellinghams?”

“Uhm. You're correct. They realized you were out there and requested that you were immediately moved next to them.”

“I see...” Seems like life has other plans for you, ones very away from peace.

You kept following him, trying to breathe as deeply as you could. Why did this have to happen now? Just when you thought you were safe from encountering him. The guard stopped by a door, opening it for you. You said thanks before entering, calling the attention of a few men and women that were by the catering area. 

“Oh, my dear! There you are!” Denise’s voice startled you. She came to you with a smile and open arms. She was the sweetest woman ever. 

“Denise!” You received her hug with a smile. At least you weren’t alone with Jude. “How have you been?” 

“Better now that I see you. You look great!” 

“Thank you! You look even better” Mark came after her, giving you a quick hug. “Hi, Mark” 

“Hello, dear. We were dying to see you. It's so bad you were so busy with work.” 

“Oh, yeah…” Your eyes wandered to Jude, who stood awkwardly behind his parents. You could see he was beyond uncomfortable. “It’s been a crazy couple of weeks…” 

“Yeah! Jude told us all about it. But don’t worry, after the game, we’re going to get dinner. You’re joining us, aren’t you? So we can catch up.” What were you supposed to answer when Denise was looking at you obviously clueless about the whole situation? 

“Of course I am.” The smile never leaved your lips, but when both of his parents turned to look at his son, you made sure your eyes gave the right message to Jude: I’m going to kill you.

“Oh, and why were you sitting down there? We made sure you were right here with us.” Mark said, looking confused. 

“Uhm, the guard said it must be a system error… You know, those types of things happen.” He looked pleased enough with your answer because he and Denise walked to the exit. 

“We’ll be back in ten minutes. We want to see Jobe before the second half.” 

“Sure…” That was the first time in the ten minutes you’d been there that you heard Jude’s voice. 

Both of you stood there in silence, looking at each other. You felt a mixture of emotions that were very hard to identify, but the main one was simple annoyance. He had a month to tell his parents. A month. 

“Are you for real?” You said while getting closer to him. “I can’t believe you right now.” 

“What?” Was the only thing he said at first. Why did he look scared? “Why are you so mad?” 

“What?” You mocked him, finally standing in front of him. “I can give you ten reasons that happened just today to justify why I’m mad, Jude Bellingham. Why on earth are your parents acting like they don’t know we broke up?” 

He looked at you with a blank expression that confirmed your fears. 

“Oh, my god…” You covered your face. Did you really dated this idiot? “So your parents believe we’re still happy and together? Why would you do that?” 

“Well, I just didn’t feel like any time was the right time to tell them. I got nervous and lied! I’m sorry… But why do you want them to know so quickly?” 

“Why? Well, maybe because it happened a month ago?!” You screamed-whispered it. “I can’t pretend to be your girlfriend until you feel ready to tell your parents. What are you? Five?” 

“Okay? Ouch.” He came even closer, looking into your eyes with a look that you didn’t like. It was almost… sweet. “And besides, I thought we could talk…” 

“Talk?” Now you were confused confused. “Talk about what? I don’t have anything to talk with you.” 

“Why are you so mad at me?! I thought we were still friends…” 

“Jude… You broked up with me a month ago while I was visiting you in fucking Germany, not less than a week later you went out and partied, kissed a girl and God knows what else. Then I went out, danced with a friend, and you freaked out and acted like a hypocrite jerk who doesn’t know what boundaries are... Why do you think I’m a bit apprehensive about talking to you? You only called me to make questions about Gio's IG thing, so I'm also doubting the friends part.” He seemed upset by your lack of touch, but you didn’t care. “Besides, why are you acting like I’m the one that broke up with you?” 

“Well… I don’t know, I’m just…” He reached for your hand, and then his parents were back. They smiled at the both of you, and you didn’t have the energy to take your hand back from his. 

“Ready for the game? It’s about to start.” 

“Yeah…” You walked to your seats. His parents were next to you but in a different row, so you were trapped with Jude in a very comfortable seat and in a very uncomfortable situation. 

Fucking hell. 

“We really need to talk…” Jude whispered, looking at your profile. 

“Shut up and watch the fucking game, Bellingham.” 

You really hated your life.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚⋆·˚ ༘ * TAGLIST

@mentalbaddie | @taintedstranger | @mrs-dasilvasantoss | @mbapbaesluvr | @erensfavgirly | @cinderellawithashoe | @yoitsmo07 | @seajjin | @kakuchosbff | @peterparkerbae | @alwaysclassyeagle

[daddyy333]

Secret’s out | Chris Sturniolo x y/n

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

word count: 1.7k

warnings: reader is drunk, reader is hungover, reader throws up, reader cries, ?

summary: you accidentally reveal you and Chris’s relationship to the public

You giggled as you walked out of the bar, drunk off your ass. You never drank much, and then when you started dating your completely sober boyfriend Chris you drank even less because it felt like the right thing to do in your opinion. He told you he didn’t care as long as you let him know and that you told him who you were with and that there was a designated driver.

Tonight, you convinced your designated driver to have a few too many shots and ended up drunkenly texting your boyfriend “Git Jen drunj. Pick ud up!’?” You couldn’t really see straight but you were pretty sure you got it right (Chris barely understood what you had typed).

10 minutes later he was outside of the bar, a sleepy but content Matt in the driver's seat park a little far away because the bar parking was packed. You’d feel terrible in the morning finding out you made him drive unnecessarily this late but he’d rather get you home safe than leave you to get home on your own.

“Hey, y/n” he said as you stumbled out, a drunken smile on your face as you looked at him with heart eyes. “No princess? I’m not your gorgeous girl anymore?” You slurred, tears filling your eyes. “Y/n, we’re in public” he said softly, brushing your hair back.

You sighed and said “it’s okay! It’s night time! People are sleepy!” You groaned and grabbed his face, kissing him softly. He initially wanted to cringe at the taste of vodka on your tongue but then you started to caress and squeeze his neck and he melted.

“Mm- mm mm shit- babe! Come on” he said and pulled you away from his face. You looked up at him with a pout, your eyes glassy. You sniffled and said “you don’t…you don’t looove me?” “No, baby I love you so much, I do. Let’s just get home” he said and you continued to pout.

“You don’t love me…” you said, looking down and folding your arms. He sighed and said “my gorgeous girl-” “no don’t call me t- that. Y-You won’t kiss meee in public” you said through hiccups. He cupped your cheeks and lifted your head up.

You looked up at him and he pecked your lips quickly and you smiled. He smiled too and said “let me pick you up. The car is a far walk away” You yawned and he scooped you up, walking down the street to take you to the car.

You kept kissing him but he wasn’t super anxious about it because it was so late he thought it wasn’t possible anyone would catch you two. He put you in the car and you slept with your head on Nick’s lap, snoring a little which made Chris unable to keep his eyes off you.

Nick rolled his eyes and said “this is so disgusting” “shhh! You’ll wake her up” he said, reaching over to stroke your cheek. You smiled a little, a sleepy whimper coming out as you curled up even more. He blushed and Nick sighed, making Matt giggle.

You got home and clung onto him the whole time, making him carry you all over the house as you giggled into his neck and kissed all over his face. He sat you down on the counter and wiped off your makeup and gave you some medicine to hopefully help when you wake up with a hangover.

When he finally got you in bed, you fell asleep almost immediately, cuddling into him once he got in bed too. He kissed your head, rubbing your warm back and listening to you mumble in your sleep, blushing when you said his name.

When you woke up you were really nauseous, and Chris was already downstairs making breakfast. You cringed even more at the smell and said “baby?” as you rubbed your eyes and yawned.

He turned around and smiled at how cute you looked with your puffy little lips and messy hair. “Hey,” he said, kissing your cheek. You groaned, hugging him tight. He picked you up and said “you feeling sick?”

“Yea” you said, sighing softly. He set you down on the counter next to him and you said “what are you making?” “Just eggs and toast” he said and you smiled. He handed you more medicine and you kissed him as a thank you.

“Gross!” Nick said, coming downstairs. You blushed and said “shut up, loser” Nick scoffed and threw a sock at you. Chris covered you and said “hey, stop” You nearly swooned, Chris was so ridiculously protective and it genuinely made you melt. He was standing up to his own brother who threw a tiny little sock at your leg of all places simply because he didn’t want anything bothering you.

Matt came downstairs and dapped you up, groaning when you ruffled his hair up. Chris gave you breakfast and stood between your legs as you fed him half of your breakfast, even though he kept trying to make you eat.

“Guys? Have you checked your phones?” Nick said and you shook your head. Chris grabbed his phone and opened it checking Instagram, assuming maybe there was some new update “I don’t understand, nothings different” he said and Nick showed him a tiktok.

Your stomach dropped, you could see the two of you outside of that bar last night and then you started kissing on him and practically hanging off of him and then you watched your pouting and then he picked you up and you two kept kissing and just kept on fucking kissing.

You jumped off the counter, running up to his bedroom. You locked the door behind you, breathy and strained whimpers leaning your mouth. You knew you’d fucking do this. You’d fuck up and ruin everything and expose your relationship before Chris wanted to.

Your chest felt so tight, you could barely fight the tears because of how upset you were with yourself. “Baby! Baby, hey it’s okay. I’m not upset, can you please open the door” he said and you sighed shakily. You felt so nauseous now, you ran to the toilet and threw up.

The stress combined with your hangover didn’t mix well, and you felt like crap. Chris managed to jiggle the cheap lock open, and ran to your side in his bathroom. “My love, hey, hey it’s okay breathe” he said and rubbed your back, holding your hair.

You groaned and coughed a few times, your entire body shaking as you tried to push him away. “Stop it,” you whined, you didn’t want to see him because you didn’t want him to be mad at you or break up with you.

“No, you stop. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere” he said and you shook your head, sighing as you flushed the toilet. You stood up and brushed your teeth, your entire body vibrating.

“Honey, why are you shaking? Everything is gonna be fine” he said and you just ignored him, you didn’t want to talk about it and you were so sick of him always pretending that he’s not mad at you. He’s never once gotten upset with you and you just can’t stand it. Why is he so calm around you?

You tried to leave the bathroom but he stopped you, picking you up and placing you on the counter. “I’m not upset wit-” he said and you rolled your eyes, trying to get off the counter and away from him. He scoffed and said “Y/n, what the hell? Stop fighting me”

“No, you always do this! Every time I fuck up or something you just talk to me and that’s it you never yell at me or get angry you’ve never even breathed differently when I did something wrong, and this is as bad as it fucking gets. Why can’t you just get mad at me and why the hell are you still with me?!?” You yelled, your vision was so blurry and you almost couldn’t hear or something, and holy crap your mouth was dry.

“Y/n, hey, hey look at me,” he said and you locked eyes with him, looking around his face frantically and trying to blink away the blurriness. He gently grabbed your hands and breathed with you, talking to you so softly and bringing your mind back from the panicked state.

He’s weirdly grateful that growing up with Matt taught him how to also help you when you had moments of anxiety or even attacks like this one. He was holding you now, and you weren’t fighting him, which told him you’d given up.

“I don’t get mad at you because I don’t like to see you upset or sad and I don’t want to make you sad either, I think it’d kill me. I love you too much to want to be angry. Yelling and screaming isn’t healthy, either, you know? At least not every time you make a mistake. I understand when you do it it’s because you can’t help it and need to let it out. You don’t get mad at me nearly as often as you think, by the way” he said and you shook your head.

You sobbed and said “this is really bad…” “then so be it, my love. I don’t care who knows. At least I can kiss you in public now and touch your butt whenever I want” he said and you giggled, looking up at him.

“I’m sorry,” you said, more tears streaming down your face. He wiped them away and said “don’t be sorry. You didn’t know what you were doing, plus you were too cute for me stop you so it’s also my fault” you rolled your eyes and Matt and Nick popped into the room.

“Hey…” Matt said awkwardly. They got overly worried and couldn’t help but creep up to check on you two. Based on the fact that the door was opened the assumed things were decent. Chris looked over and said “it’s…it’s fine. We’ll deal with it. I’m not gonna let something so stupid make us so upset”

You sniffled and buried your head into his chest, the embarrassment of knowing everyone can see a video of you hanging off of Chris and kissing all over him like some clingy teenage girl hitting you like a truck. Nick chuckled at you and you flipped him off.

“Now you guys can kiss whenever. My life is ruined” he said and you giggled again. You played with his hands nervously and shoved Nick playfully. You stuck your tongue out and Chris shook his head as you said “you’re just jealous!” “Alright, babe, real mature” he said and kissed your head.

As of now l'm writing for

Eddie Munson

Lo’ak

Neteyam

Sebastian Stan

Bucky Barnes

CW!Bucky Barnes

Chris Evans

Geralt of Rivia

Henry Cavill

Chris Sturniolo

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and l'll add you :)

[jaxteller87]

Where I Need to Be

 had just pulled into the clubhouse after returning from New York to see how everyone’s been. It’s been six months since my parents passed away, and I was feeling particularly down about it. I wanted to stop by to check in on the boys, but more specifically, I wanted to see how Teller was doing. Even though we weren’t dating the whole time I was in NY, I was hoping to spend some time with him dor the few days I was in Charming. When I wheeled into the clubhouse, it was wrecked. They must have had some hell of a party. I made my way past all the garbage, hung over hang-arounds, and knocked on the dorm door. Receiving no answer, I gently pushed it open.

There, I saw my best friend in bed, lighting a cigarette. I looked over to the bathroom and saw Ima standing in the doorway, tits out, with a smile playing on her lips. “Good morning,” she smirked. I looked back at Jax, and I felt the room start to spin. I felt nauseous and dizzy, but of all things, I felt like I was in the right place at the wrong time.

“Well, I’ll leave you guys to whatever it is you were doing,” I said. I meant to simply shut the door, but I put a little too much mustard on it and slammed it instead. I didn’t care, though; I just rolled back out to the bar where Tig was.

“Well, hello there, babydoll; good to see you,” he looked like shit, but Tig usually did when he was surrounded by a dozen Coronoa’s at 1 PM on a Wednesday.

“Hey, Tiggy.”

“What are you drinking, doll face?” he asked, brushing off the table, clearing it of cigarette buts, ashes, peanut shells, and some mysterious fluids I hoped were spilled beer.

“Coke with lime, please,” I smiled and rolled up to the table.

“Did you know Jax was with Ima?” I asked curiously as Tig reached over the bar to grab my drink from the mini-fridge.

“What? He was?”  Tig was a shit liar, and I heard it in his tone before I even had to look in his eyes.

“He did what?” Donna shouted from behind us. I didn’t even know she was there, nor did I hear her come in.

“Yup. I walked into the aftermath a few minutes ago. I opened the door to the dorm room, and there they were.”

“Damn. I’m sorry, bestie,” Donna sat down beside me, “I guess I knew too. Opie said something about it last night, but there was alcohol involved, and I thought he was just talking nonsense. That’s usually all he ever finds at the bottom of the bottle.”

“Well, we all know what Jax found at the bottom of his bottle,” I quipped, “And if you go look, I bet you she’s still in his room getting dressed.”

“Are you okay?” Donna whispered in my ear.

I rested my head on her shoulder. “No, not really,” I whispered back.

Just then, Ima came walking down the hall with the smuggest of smiles. If I could have lept out of my wheelchair to kick her ass, I would have. I think Donna wanted to beat her ass too, but for the sake of keeping it civil, at least for the moment, she just glanced at her with the devil’s eyes.

“If looks could kill,” I heard one of the boys say from the half-packed clubhouse.

I had no right to be angry. We aren’t together anymore, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little. I don’t know what I expected out of him either; I mean, just because I wasn’t out and about spreading my legs didn’t mean he couldn’t do what he did with— with her. Even thinking her name made me want to throw up in my mouth.

“We could go slash her tires,” Donna whispered.

“Hey, let’s fight nicely, ladies. Keep it to hair pulling and slapping,” Tig winked. “I can get the kiddie pool out of the storage shed, and we can fill it with Jello or pudding, your choice.”

“You’re gross. Has anyone ever told you that?” Donna winced.

“Not today, but it’s early,” Tig blew her a kiss and then went back to his own little world, letting us to our conversation.

“Donna, we aren’t together. He can sleep with whoever he wants,” I dipped my finger into my soda and stirred it around, a clear sign I was feeling overly anxious about the whole ordeal.

“I know, but it’s Ima. He knows better than this,” Donna said. “I love Jax, and I don’t think this was personal, but you really got to think, sweetheart—”

“What’s that?” I asked, sipping my drink.

“He could have any girl, and the ones he can’t have, he could probably find a way to get. Why Ima? Why did he fuck the only one that you’d give a shit about?”

That was true; it did really hurt, but at the same time, I don’t think I would have liked to walk in on him with anyone. I was perfectly fine with the illusion that neither of us was hooking up with anyone else, but I wasn’t ready to do the math right now.

 A few minutes later, Opie walked back the hall, I’m guessing to get Jax. They were only gone a moment before they both came out. Jax looked like he had just gotten out of the shower, and Opie gave Donna and me a little side-eye. I couldn’t tell if he was saying, ‘Have at it’ or ‘Go easy on him,’ but the truth was, I wasn’t looking for a fight. Jax came over and pulled a chair up between Donna and me and sat on it backward like all the teenagers do. He had a shameful, disgusted look on his face, but I couldn’t tell if it was because he felt guilty or if it was the fact that I caught him in the act.

“Hey, how have—”

SLAP!

 Without missing a beat, Donna whacked him upside his head. “Please, for the love of all that’s holy, Teller, tell me you put a hat on little Jax before you jumped into that cesspool,” she said loud enough to garner a look and a scoff from Ima, who was now sitting with two prospects.

“Ow! Christ, Donna! I was horny, I didn’t have a death wish!” he responded. Ima heard that, too, and her mouth dropped to the floor. It was funny, and I smirked, but I didn’t laugh.

Jax looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes and a disappointed look on his face. “Sorry, you walked in on that. Everyone was drinking last night, and honestly, it was a hole in the dark before I realized who it was. Not that it makes it right, but I don’t want you thinking there was a deeper meaning behind it.”

I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better or worse. Just a hole in the dark? Maybe guys just go through it differently than girls. Although, I knew Jax long enough to know when he was full of shit, and this was not one of those times. “Hey, we’re not together anymore. You can sleep with whoever you want.”

Next thing I knew, the two prospects sitting with the queen of the crows had started fist-fighting each other, a scuffle fueled by Ima, no less. Needless to say, Jax had to deal with it, and that was pretty much it.

Later on that evening, I ended up at Jax’s place. I don’t really remember how I got here, but it started with heading out to the park with Donna and Ope. They got hungry so we stopped for burgers, and low and behold, I now found myself sitting on Jax’s porch. Ope had a surprise for Donna and said I could go along if I wanted, but I didn’t want to be a third wheel. Plus, I think they kind of wanted to get Jax and me together to talk about what happened earlier. These two red birds showed up shortly after I got here, and I’ve been infatuated with them while I replayed the past few months in my head. 

“You’re the only face I see,” Teller said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Huh?” I said, confused.

“When I’m with someone, you’re the only face I see,” he clarified. “I need you here. This is where you need to be!”

I just rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I’m sure.” I started to lead my chair inside, and he followed right behind, helping me get my wheels over the door ledge. “I can do it, but thanks.”

“I’m not even going to try to explain myself because I already said what it was. I was drunk and stupid, and she was willing and easy.”

“I get it. You don’t need to say shit, really. You’re a big boy, and you can do big-boy stuff with whoever you want. I’m not sure if it would have made a difference, but I just can’t bear the fact that it was Ima. Fuckin Ima, Jax! Maybe I don’t want to see you fucking anybody, or maybe I just don’t want to see you fucking anybody but me, but of all the crows in the nest you got with Ima!” I yelled. I can’t believe I just told him I didn’t want to see him fuck anyone but me.

Before I knew it, he had my face sandwiched between in his hand, and he was kissing me like we were the lead roles in a romance movie, and this was our big, sappy ending. In the heat of the moment, I dug my fingers into the chest of his shirt and ripped it off his body.

“I’ll buy you a new shirt, I promise.”

“I don’t care about the damn shirt!” he said, helping me out of my pants.

A little while later, we were both lying on the floor, all cuddled up. I gently scratched his beard as he smiled and kissed my forehead. He was right; this is where I needed to be.

[sevasey51]

how about chris looking after reader who's got a cold xx just a super fluffy comfort fic! love you xxxx

It started with a sniffle

Paring: Chris Evans × Daughter! Reader

Summary: reader has a cold that turns into a chest infection so she definitely isn't feeling well so Chris is always there to give all the super fluffy comfort she needs.

Warnings: illness, medication, antibiotics, feeling nauseous, dehydration, health anxiety, crying and just feeling like rubbish.

(This is basically a self indulgent type fic because l'm still getting over my chest infection that is definitely clearing so I hope you enjoy!)

It all started with a fever, a stuffy nose and your body feeling like it’d been hit by a truck or dodger coming at you full speed. Whichever you wanted to say was worse.

Your dad was concerned of course because you weren’t someone to get ill, not like this of course - you had been picking at your food at best and it kinda all just went down hill from there.

When you slept you’d wake up in a fever of sweat, shivering the next minute and going back to sleep soon after. Coughing turned into hacking and having multiple coughing fits a day, even after taking a very hard deep breath since they were a struggle at best so your health anxiety wasn’t the thing that wanted to come out right now. Because anything at the moment of doctors can trigger it.

So when you coughed up a little more than some phlegm that was normal for how bad you were coughing… let’s just say that health anxiety was very much triggered at that point your dad just wanted to take you to the doctor or the hospital but you flat out refused.

Locked yourself in your room refused. Because your anxieties can rub off on eachother so sometimes your eachothers worse enemy.

After a lot and I mean a lot of convincing and talking Chris finally managed to get you to agree to go to the hospital because you hadn’t been really eating or drinking so he just wanted to get you checked out for piece of mind.

“Bubba I’m sure they’ll just have a check up and send us home with some stronger cold medicine okay” dad whispers in my ear whilst I’m buried in his chest clinging on to him, whilst sat in the doctors room at the er.

All I can do is wince back at him because talking whilst coughing before or after and where we are isn’t the best for me, so I had an AirPod in with noise cancelling to try and help the anxiety.

A little time later the doctor came back in and zoning out was all I did, even slightly when the doctor was trying to talk to me but dad knew what and how I was feeling, we ended up having to stay in for rehydration and some stronger antibiotics and meds because they had found out I had a chest infection on top of flu.

Scott did his uncle duty of dropping by with all of my comforts to help whilst I was in the worst place I could think imaginable, the peds team I had were the best, my nurse Emily was so sweet - she made sure I was as calm as I could be and even made sure dad was okay and she even played mario kart with me.

So the three days I spend in hospital all in all weren’t that bad because of the nurses and doctors who were looking after me and dad was there every step of the way even if I was worried about getting my flu that I was anxious about passing on.

Coming home was the best feeling ever, even with all the home comforts that were with me there is nothing like my room, my own bed and just mine and dads space with dodger of course!

I was on strict rest and fluids with what I like to call a toddler diet because Emily told me just to eat what was considered safe food for me since I’m still trying to get my appetite back so I’m eating chicken nuggets and strips with ketchup. And blueberries with kinderlyte for rehydration.

So it was snuggles and movies with dad until I was feeling back to my normal self, but I could go see people in about 3 days when most of the ickiness should be cleared and we’re going to see grandma so I’m happy.

And to think it only started with the sniffles

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[shannyh25]

Chapter 2 Gilbert's POV

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

A soft knock on the door brought him to his senses and he saw a small figure standing in the doorway. Joy was wrapped up in her mother’s shawl and she was also wrapped up in Gilbert’s old college quilt. He could tell she had been crying.

“What are you doing up sweetheart, it’s late? You should be asleep.” Gilbert softly spoke.

“I couldn’t sleep papa. I tried. I-I-I’m scared. I don’t want to leave here.” Joy whimpers.

Gilbert’s heart broke at the sound of his daughter’s voice. He hated doing this to her. He really did, but Glen St Mary already had a town doctor and Avonlea didn’t. That’s why he applied to it and Dr. Spencer accepted his application without hesitation. Gilbert opened his arms to invite Joy in. She quickly waddled over to him. As fast she can go, being wrapped up in a big quilt, she went into Gilbert’s arms.

Gilbert easily lifted her up and sat her on his lap. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the look of his daughter being wrapped up in his old quilt.

“What’s the matter sweetheart? What are you scared of?” Gilbert asked gently.

Joy bit her lip; a habit Gilbert never liked, but she only did that when she was anxious and Gilbert could tell she was anxious.

“I don’t want to leave momma. She will be by herself without no one to visit her. No one to bring her flowers. No one to go clean up the leaves or branches that fall on top of her grave. She will be lonely papa.” Joy said.

Gilbert thought long and hard about this the last couple of months. On how the move will affect Joy. He even spoke to Ruby’s parents about it. Gilbert got their blessing in the move and that made him feel better. They even promised they will take care of Ruby’s grave. They said they would put fresh flowers on it once a week and keep it clean.

“Momma won’t be lonely sweetheart. Grandma and Grandpa Gillis promised they would look after Momma. They promised to bring her fresh flowers every week, and make sure it’s kept clean. I know you’re scared, but you remember going to Avonlea a few times, right? We spent a couple weeks there in the summer and at Christmas time and New Years? You love it in Avonlea. We will have fun this summer too. Guess what? Remember how you have been wanting to learn to swim?” Gilbert asked.

Sniffing, Joy shook her head yes.

“ I’m going to teach you this summer. I’ll be working still. But I’ll make sure I will teach you to swim. We will stay at Grandma and Grandpa Blythe’s house until I find a house for us. They are so excited to see both of us. Grandmother Blythe has a few things planned for you that she wants you to do with her. I’ll brush you up on your schooling too before you start school. Just like we used too. How does that sound?” Gilbert asked.

Gilbert felt Joy shrug her shoulders. She was leaning into him and he could tell she was getting upset. He gently rubbed her back

“ We were going to be okay munchkin. Remember how we talked about going on a train? You’ll enjoy the train ride. We are also going to go to on a Ferry too. I have been on both and I think you’ll enjoy both of them.” Gilbert continues.

“You have been on a train?” Joy asked.

“Yes, I have. Like the books we read together and how they have trains in them, we are going on one just like in the story books. The train ride will be fun. You can have the window seat and look out the window and at all the passing fields going by. Your tummy might get a little nauseous because of the motion of the train, so I’ll need you to try and eat something for breakfast. Okay?” Gilbert asked.

Joy didn’t say anything to that remark. Gilbert knows perfectly well that when Joy gets upset, she doesn’t eat. Gilbert tried not to get frustrated at her, but he always tries to encourage her to eat something in the morning so she has food in her tummy. If he has too, he’ll feed her himself. He doesn’t want to take that route, but he well. He has done before it before.

“Will the train blow its whistle and let all the steam out as it comes closer to the train station?” Joy asked. Her curiosity getting the better of her.

Gilbert chuckled. “Yes, it will. You will see its big wheels slowly chugging to slow down. Then the train master will pull on a handle to put the brakes on so the train doesn’t crash.”

“The train won’t crash, will it papa?” Joy asked alarmed.

“No munchkin. The train master will make sure it won’t.” Gilbert said.

“You’ll like the ferry ride too. It’s a big boat and it has cabins inside it that we can sleep in. We can walk around on deck and look out over the railing and see the ocean. I just don’t want you leaning over the railing. I’ll be afraid that you will fall overboard. You might get sea sick for the first day, which is completely normal. Depending how you feel, you can stay in the cabin and rest or we can walk around on deck.” Gilbert said.

“Will we see dolphins?” Joy asked.

Gilbert chuckled. “Maybe. We can keep a look out for them. I can’t make any promises though.”

Do you feel better now?” Gilbert asked.

“Maybe a little. I’m still scared. Talking some more helped. Can we walk around Avonlea and explore it some?” Joy asked.

“Certainly. I’ll show you all of my favorite spots that I used to hang out in when I was I younger. You’ll like them too. The swimming hole will be a perfect place to relax and cool off in the summer time. That’s where I am going to teach you to swim. I’ll show you my old secret fishing spot too. I’ll also teach you to fish and you’ll be the next famous fishermen, I mean, fisherwomen in the Blythe family. Grandma cooks the best fish with homemade cornbread. You’ll love it.” Gilbert promised.

Joy gave a sigh. “I’m still worried about leaving Momma. I won’t get to talk to her every day like I do now. How can I still talk to her?”

Still holding onto Joy with one arm, Gilbert turned to his nightstand to retrieve a picture. Joy looked over her papa’s shoulder and her face was curious. Gilbert knew that Joy always liked this picture of Ruby. It was time to give it to Joy.

“I want you to take care of this picture for me sweetheart. I only have room in my knapsack for one more small picture frame and that is this one.”

Gilbert fished out the picture frame he was talking about. It was an old black and white photograph of three of them - Ruby, Gilbert and Joy. It was taken shortly after Joy was born. Gilbert felt like the proudest father/young doctor in all of Glen St Mary at the time and he wanted a memory that showed it.

Joy looked at the picture of Ruby and she gave a small whimper. Joy gently touched the picture and traced her mother’s outline. Joy thought her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Joy was looking at another picture in a frame and Gilbert said, “That was your momma on her wedding day. She was the most beautiful young lady I have ever seen. She was a nervous wreck though. I chose to not leave her side all day so I could keep watch on her, making sure she doesn’t faint on me. It was hot that day and she was so scared she was going to pass out. But I promised her since I had just graduated medical school, I would check on her every so often, making sure she had plenty of water and ate. Luckily, she didn’t faint.” Gilbert said.

“Momma was so beautiful. You picked the perfect bride Papa. I want to look like her when I get married. I just don’t want my anxiety get in the way on that day.” Joy said.

Gilbert raised his eyebrows and had a teasing grin on his face. “Thinking about marriage already are you, my girl? I’m afraid that’s not going to happen for a long, long time. You’re only 7 years old.”

Joy snuggled into Gilbert and Gilbert wrapped his quilt around Joy. “I was only talking Papa. I’m just saying if I ever get married, I want to look like momma.”

Gilbert was looking at the picture of Ruby. “You will most certainly look like her munchkin. You will be just as beautiful. But I’m going to try and not think about you getting married just yet. You’re too young.”

Gilbert and Joy were silent for a few minutes. Both looking at the picture of Ruby, Gilbert’s eyes were getting misty and he quickly blinked to get the tears to go away. If Joy saw him crying, that would just make things worse.

“Papa, was it my fault momma died?” Joy softly asked.

Gilbert was so shocked at the question, he just stared at his daughter. Hardly believing what he had just heard, he cleared his throat quickly and turned Joy to face him so he can be at eye level with her.

Joy bit her lip and it was trembling. The tears were coming down. Gilbert wipes them away with his knuckles and lifted her chin up with his forefinger and then said, “What on earth are you talking little one? What got that question into your head?” Gilbert asked.

Joy bit her lip again. Gilbert put his thumb on her bottom lip and pulled it down so she wouldn’t do that.

“I-I heard that awful Nancy Samson say I was the one that killed momma when I was born. It was after Sunday School and Nancy, Stella, and Lydia were whispering and talking about me and how I was lucky you didn’t send me to an orphanage or send me to a relative’s house because I made momma die.” Joy was hyperventilating at this point and she was trying so hard not to cry.

Gilbert knew something was off with Joy as they were coming home from Church.

She wouldn’t talk about it no matter what Gilbert said to her, so he let the subject drop.

Gilbert hugged Joy so tight and his heart broke for her. Joy has had such a hard time being around other children with their mothers and she never once complained. What those girls said made Gilbert’s blood boil with rage. He was going to talk to them.

Gilbert was rubbing Joys’ back as she was trying hard not to cry. Unfortunately, the tears were coming down hard and fast and she clung to him.

“Oh, my sweet girl, it was not your fault that Momma died. She was so weak from the pregnancy and I had her on bed rest for most of it. Your momma wanted to have you, Joy. She knew the danger she was for having you. We both wanted you my sweet girl. We both knew the risks for your Momma. Her body was so tired after she had you, that she only lasted a few more hours after she had you and luckily a photographer was next door and I grabbed him and had him take a picture of us. I would never throw you out Joyce Blythe or blame you for your momma’s death. Please understand that child. I’m so sorry you had to listen to those awful girls. I’m going to talk to their parents. We are a family sweetheart. I’ll never abandon you.” Gilbert said.

[arizona2004]

Everything’s gonna be okay

Azriel x pregnant fem!reader

Word Count: 1996

Based on this request: “Can you write something about Azriel x reader, where she is pregnant and he is scared about his past P.s. I love how you write😍” by @lys-neyr8 

please excuse any errors I did not proof read in the slightest

Waiting for Madja to return feels like it takes an eternity. I breathe in and out in an attempt to calm myself of the nerves. Ever since the nausea and vomiting started, I've been terrified. Fae don’t usually get sick, so I knew this couldn’t be good, and I’ve been doing everything in my power to hide it from my mate. Which is difficult when said mate is the Spymaster for the Highlord of the Night Court.

I breathe in one more final time as Madja opens the door to the exam room, greeting me with a small smile where I sit on the bed-like table. I unknowingly hold the breath in as Madja speaks.

“There’s nothing wrong.”

I let out the breath in a shaky, confused gasp.

“But- I throw up every day, and I’m nauseous. The stomach flutters-”

“Are all the symptoms.”

My mind raises, confused at everything Madja is telling me. As soon as I started noticing the strange symptoms, I knew I had to come to Madja. She’s the best healer the Night Court has and is always available to help the inner circle.

“I don’t- I don’t understand.”

“You are not ill, Y/N. You’re pregnant.” 

Too many emotions rush through me for me to be able to filter them all at once, but as soon as I come to my senses, I throw a wall up on my side of the bond-blocking Azriel from sensing anything else from me. 

“I’m… pregnant?”

“Yes,” Madja says patiently before revealing some pamphlets. “These are the best midwives in Velaris, in my opinion. They’re all a little different; some specialize in water births or go about the practice in slightly different ways. You can look through these and meet with them before you decide.”

“I don’t understand.” Madja stops speaking when I interrupt her and furrows her brow at me. “How?”

“How?” she repeats, confused, “well, you and you’re mate are having sex, I presume. And when-”

“No,” I interrupt, “No, I know how babies are made. I just- we’re both taking contraceptive tonics.”

“Oh-” is all Madja says for a moment before taking a deep breath and starting again. “Those are very effective but not a 100% guarantee. Not to mention that one or both of you could have forgotten a time or two. There are many ways something could have been affected to cause this, but none of that matters now.” 

She takes another deep breath before continuing. “I don’t usually have to offer this because faelings are so rare to come by, so accidental pregnancies are even rarer, but you do have options, Y/N.”

“Options?”

“Yes. There’s a potion of sorts that I can brew for you. It would get rid of the child without harming you at all.”

“Get rid of?” I ask, the information not processing in my brain. “No- I don’t think- I don’t want to do that.”

“Okay. Then I’ll leave these with you,” she says, handing the papers to me. “And if you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them, but a midwife is far more knowledgable in childbirth than me.”

I nod, unable to do anything else, and tuck the papers into my bag.

—

It’s been a few days since I found out about the baby growing inside of me, but decide every attempt I’ve made to tell my mate, he still doesn't know. Anxious thoughts filter through my head one after another as I lay beside him, pretending to sleep.

“You can tell me anything.” The sound of his voice shocks me, making my heart skip a beat in my chest.

“Wh-what?” I ask, turning on our bed to face him.

“Somethings bugging you. It has been for days. You can tell me whatever it is, Y/N. If you want.”

“I do want to,” I say, but I can’t make myself actually tell him.

“Y/N,” his voice is soft as it whispers my name. His hand is gentle on my cheek, brushing away the single tear that has fallen. “What’s wrong, love?”

“I-” I take a deep breath in and reveal my secret on the exhale of it, “I’m pregnant.”

Azriel’s hand freezes where it is brushing through the locks of my hair. He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move. I don’t even think he’s breathing.

“Azriel-” he sits up abruptly, cutting off the words trying to escape my throat. “Please-”

“We’ve been taking-”

“Madja says they’re not 100% effective. Accidents happen.”

“Okay,” he sounds eerily calm.

“Okay?”

“It’s fine. This is fine, but we’re both tired. Let’s got to sleep and discuss it more in the morning.”

His voice is so monotonous that I lose the ability to speak. I lay back down on the bed instead and let exhaustion sweep me into the comforting embrace of sleep.

When I awake the next morning Azriel is not beside me. He’s not anywhere in our house, and terror rushes through me with terrible thoughts. Just as the thoughts of abandonment rush into my head, though, Azriel appears in a cloud of shadows directly in front of me.

“What’s wrong?” his voice is higher than usual, panic lacing every rise and fall of it. “Is it the baby? Are you hurt?”

“Wh-what?” 

His hands start roaming my body, tracing every inch of my skin, searching for any injury. Something he doesn’t find. “What’s wrong?” His brow is furrowed, “I felt your panic-”

“Where were you?” I cut him off, anger replacing my fear. “I thought you left, Az. Last night…” I trail off as tears well up in my eyes and look away, refusing to let him see how badly he hurt me.

Quickly though, he pulls me into his arms, squeezing me tightly. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m not going anywhere.” I hear the truth in his voice, and I know he wouldn’t lie to me so blatantly, but I also know there’s something he’s not saying, and when he speaks again, I can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to convince me or himself. “Everything is gonna be okay.”

—

“Okaayy,” Patrice says in her too-high voice, drawing out the word for too long. I have to suppress my smile as she does it because Az has expressed to me many times just how much it annoys him. “Everything is looking good. Your baby is exxactlyy in the position we would expect. They are a liitttle bigger than is normal, but that’s probably just genetic,” she finishes with a small glance to Az but quickly returns her gaze to me. “Everything is perfectly in order, and I don’t have anything else for you today. Any new questions?”

I shake my head, ready to finish this appointment with the midwife and go to lunch with my husband. I already asked most of the questions my soon-to-be mother brain could come up with in the early months. Now six months along, I’m not sure I haven’t read every book on this that there is. 

Azriel’s worse than me, though. I find him with a new book or pamphlet every day, notes in the margins, and sentences highlighted all over the place. He’s always frantically checking on me and trying to do everything perfectly. The look in his eyes always leads me to ask why but he still won’t open up about what’s bothering him, only reassuring me that everything is “going to be okay.”

As we exit  Patrice's office Az lets out a deep sigh beside me, “Remind me again why you had to pick her to be the midwife.”

“She’s the most compatible with my birth plan. And she’s good at her job, even if her voice and speaking mannerisms annoy you.”

“I know,” he grumbles, guiding me toward my favorite restaurant without even having to ask.

—

“Oh, oh, oh!” Mor exclaims from across the store, “You have to get this one! It’s so cute.”

“Oh, that’s adorable,” Feyre agrees from your side as the cute onesie Mor is holding comes into view. It is a dark blue with stars covering it, and the butt has three little mountains and three stars bigger and brighter than the others above them. 

“Okay,” I agree because it is too cute to pass up on, “ but you guys have got to start picking out things with pre-made wing holes. I don’t want to have to get everything tailored.”

“Sorry, Y/N, but I’m not counting how many holes the outfits have. I’m just trying to pick out the cutest things so that your baby is the best dressed in Velaris.”

I laugh at her comment and walk past her on my way to get the items on the shopping list. We spend the rest of the picking out the perfect combination of cute and practical baby must-haves. I pay for the large items in-store but make arrangements to have them shipped to the house I own with my mate and leave with the girls, our arms full of bags of tiny outfits.

When we get back to the house they help me lug everything inside and up to the nursery but then run off to their own homes, leaving me to finally fall asleep in my large and comfortable bed. 

When I wake a short while later, the sun is still up but is steadily making its way toward the horizon. Az is nowhere to be found in our room, so I pull myself from the comfort of the bed and lumber toward the door.

As I walk into the hall, I notice the light of the nursery is on, the door cracked open slightly. I walk toward it and peek my head in, only to find my mate on the floor, a onesie clasped tightly in his grasp.

“Az?” I ask quietly, pushing the door open further. I move to kneel beside him and lift his tear-stained face to face mine. “What’s wrong?”

“They’re so small,” he chokes out. The baby is going to be so tiny. What if I break them?”

“Az-” I try to say something to reassure him, but his eyes grow wide with fear, and all of his panic-filled thoughts finally rush to the surface.

“What if I’m a horrible father? What if I do everything wrong and turn out as bad as my father?”

“Azriel!”

“No! Maybe it’s in my blood. I never had a good father figure in my life. I could end up ruining our feeling’s life.”

“You won’t!” I tell him.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I do, Azriel. You are a good male. A good friend. A good mate and husband. You will be a wonderful father.” He’s shaking his head, refusing to look at me. I grip him by the chin and force his eyes to mine, gently stroking the tears from his cheeks. When the steady flow of saltwater has stopped, and he’s still looking at me; I grip his hands in mine and hold his gaze. “Bad fathers don’t worry about whether or not they're going to ruin their child's life. They don’t care. You’re doing everything right. You're trying your hardest to be good, and you’ve already proven that you love this baby, Azriel. That is all that matters. You care enough to try.

“Y/N-”

“Listen to me: everything is going to be okay. I know that now more than ever. I have never felt more sure of you in my life, Az. I love you. And our baby is going to love you. You won’t break them; if a big brute like Cas can take care of babies and hold them without accidentally crushing them, you definitely can.”

He chokes on a laugh, nodding his agreement as a smile wakes a small appearance on his lips. I know this isn’t the end of his worries and panic. But at least he’s a little reassured. At least we’re a little closer to believing we can do this. 

[sunkissedpages]

instead of you [part fifteen]

pairing: [best friend’s brother] tom holland x college!reader

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption

word count: 1.7k

series masterlist

Don’t tell Sam. Sam. SAM.

“Shit.”

You had to fix this in a matter of seconds. Should you slap him? Act like nothing happened? Pretend you were drunker than you actually were and play dumb?

“Wait, you’re not Sam?” you squinted your eyes like you were trying to see who was in front of you, acting like you were too drunk to remember who you were with. “Oh my god.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry,” Tom tried. 

“I-” you didn’t know how to respond. “Why did you do that?”

He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I don’t know, it didn’t mean anything!” You’d be lying if you told yourself that didn’t sting a little. If he didn’t have any sort of feelings for you, why would he kiss you? “I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Please don’t tell my brother.”

“You want me to lie to my boyfriend?”

“I mean, is it lying if you just don’t mention it?”

“It’s a lie of omission- are you really going to debate me about philosophy right now?”

“Then yes, I do want you to lie to your boyfriend because if he finds out he’ll never speak to me again.”

“You realize what kind of position that puts me in?”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yes.”

You couldn’t even think straight. Feelings of confusion, panic, anger, and regret fought for control of your conscience. “What if someone had seen us? Taken a picture of us? You’re a public fucking figure, Tom. That could’ve put your career at risk.” “Don’t you think I know that?” he growled. “I don’t need you to lecture me on how stupid it was.”

“You’re an asshole,” you scoffed.

“I know.”

You stood from the table to leave, hoping he wouldn’t follow you, but he called after you, your name echoing in your ears like a warning. Reluctantly, you turned back to face him with a bitter taste on your tongue.

“You won’t tell him, right?”

You stared him down for a moment, watching nerves etch themselves onto his features before answering. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

It was a promise you didn’t want to make, but you felt like you had no other choice. You hadn’t just broken the ‘no flirting’ rule, you’d blown straight past it into completely uncharted territory. And technically Tom had been the one to initiate, you hadn’t kissed him back, but you couldn’t say you hadn’t felt something when he did. 

You had never lied to Sam before- at least not on this scale. You felt sick to your stomach, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol. 

You almost didn’t want to go back to your room. You urged the elevator to go as slow as possible as you checked your appearance in the reflective wall. The tarnished gold was smudged with handprints, but you were still able to make out your ruined lipstick. You weren’t sure it had been messed up sometime during dinner, or if it was Tom’s doing but you couldn’t take a chance. You used your thumb to wipe away the evidence as the intercom on the elevator let out a ding to let you know you’d reached your floor.

With a shaky breath you pushed yourself into the hallway and forced yourself to put one foot in front of the other to walk to your room. You didn’t have a key, so you had to knock. You half-hoped Sam was already asleep, even if it meant you’d have to spend the night in the hallway. 

But as luck would have it he was still up and he opened the door seconds later. He was definitely out of it, blinking at you to put you in focus. 

“There you are,” he said tiredly, rubbing one of his eyes with his hand. “I was wondering when you’d come up.”

“I hope I didn’t keep you up,” you apologized as you breezed past him into the room. 

“Nah, I was just messing around.”

A lie, you knew, but you let it slide knowing you were keeping a much bigger secret. He was already dressed for bed in his boxers and one of your t-shirts and his hair was wet from a shower. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, noticing your anxious energy.

You nodded. “I had too much to drink.”

“Ah, me too, I think. Come take a shower. It’ll help.” 

You took his advice and tried to sober up in the shower, letting the cold water run over your bare skin until you were shivering. When it didn’t make you feel any better you turned off the faucet completely and dried off, wrapping a towel around your body and sitting on the edge of the tub. 

“Y/n?” came Sam’s muffled voice from the other side of the door. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

You sighed. Why did he have to know you better than you knew yourself? You pushed yourself up from the tub and opened the door. 

“I had like three more shots after you left,” you mumbled.

The color drained from his face as he took in this additional information and he frowned. “Jesus, I thought I was drunk. Do you feel sick?”

“Not yet.”

“Okay, well let’s go to bed,” he urged. His accent was always thicker when he was drunk, and in a funny way it sounded like home, like all of those Friday nights back on campus. 

Sam gave you space to change into your clothes for bed and crawled under the covers to wait for you. You dressed yourself, hung your towel in the bathroom, and shut off the main light before feeling your way through the darkness over to the bed. 

You managed to get your drunk ass in bed without tripping which you considered to be a miracle. Sam slung his arm across your stomach as soon as you settled on the mattress and pulled you against his hip. You tensed underneath his touch, but he didn’t seem to notice. 

You couldn’t relax no matter how hard you tried, and sleep taunted you for hours, hovering just out of your reach. 

Sam’s alarm woke you from restless dreaming some hours later, when the sun had barely brushed the horizon. 

You groaned and rolled over onto your stomach, burying your face in your pillow. Your head was pounding and you didn’t even want to think about facing Tom. The simple motion of rolling over had made you nauseous and you knew that standing up was going to be a whole nother ordeal. 

“Come on, love,” Sam said, nudging you with his knee. He was already sitting up, rolling the tension out of his neck from a night on the stiff mattress. “We gotta be downstairs in a few minutes.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you felt pathetic. You didn’t have the strength to be around Tom today, especially with Sam right there.

“Don’t feel good,” you moaned.

“We’re all hungover,” Sam sighed. “We’re not even doing that much walking today.”

You turned your head enough for him to see the tears running down your cheeks and he pursed his lips, expression turning worried. 

“Oh.”

“Can you make something up?” you pleaded. 

He nodded. “I’ll tell them you have a fever or something.”

You swallowed your shame and squeezed your eyes shut, whispering thanks into his shirt. Sam kissed your forehead and then got up. You vaguely heard him moving around the room getting ready, but drifted in and out of sleep as he did. 

Once he was dressed he softly told you goodbye, that he hoped you felt better, and that he’d bring you back some food later on. 

The door clicked shut and you let your guilt continue eating you alive. 

You wondered how Tom would react when Sam told his family you weren’t feeling well, if his face would give anything away. He was an actor, he should be able to handle it. But you also wondered what he was feeling, if he felt as guilty as you did- or even more so. Or maybe he wouldn’t even care. You never knew when it came to him.

You rolled onto your back and propped yourself up on a pillow, using the free time to respond to some messages from friends and family. It was the middle of the night back in the States, but at least they’d wake up knowing you weren’t dead. To be fair, everyone knew your communication skills weren’t the best so they probably weren’t expecting anything from you anyway, but you still wanted to put in the effort. 

The rest of the day passed by quicker than you would’ve liked. You spent it in bed, tossing and turning as you desperately tried to fall back asleep. You kept pushing the blankets off of you, then burying yourself beneath them again, flipping between hot and cold. Maybe you really did have a fever. Your clothes were suffocating you so you ended up stripping and dropping them on the floor by the bed. 

By the mercy of some higher power you were able to nap for a couple of hours scattered throughout the afternoon, but by dinner time you were wide awake again and passed the time by watching Avatar: The Last Airbender in Italian on the hotel tv. 

It was playing an earlier episode, the one where the gaang visited Kyoshi Island. You couldn’t understand any of the dialogue, obviously, but you still found comfort in the familiar scenes. 

There was a knock on the door suddenly, startling you out of your focus. You jerked your head towards the sound and scrambled from the bed. You slipped back into your t-shirt, but didn’t bother putting on pants before opening the door because you figured it was just Sam. And it was. He looked exhausted, but in the best kind of way and was holding a styrofoam container of food that was presumably for you.

“Forgot the key,” he said sheepishly, offering you the food. You smiled and took it from him, stepping aside to let him in. 

He didn’t take your cue, instead he stayed where he was standing in the doorway awkwardly. It was then that you realized he wasn’t alone, that his older brother had been standing behind him the entire time.

Sam offered no explanation, only shrugged like he didn’t know why he was there either.

“Tom?” you asked, awaiting an explanation for yourself.

“Can we talk?” 

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[mionemymind]

Chapter 1: Code 10-15

Favorite Crime

Series Summary: Y/n L/n, daughter of the villainous group, “The Gisbourne”. They’re known to do the cruelest things around the world in order to get what they want. In order to stray away from her family, Y/n is the founder and sole member of the vigilante group, “The Robins”. She does what she can in order to assist those in need of help in New York City.

However, what happens when the Avengers are tasked with finally defeating the Gisbournes? What happens when they use their newest member, Wanda Maximoff, to get to the black sheep of the family? What happens if they both fall in love? But what if it was all a mission to Wanda? 

A/n: This story is told through different splices of Y/n and Wanda’s story. Italics are generally flashbacks. And be sure to read the lyrics of the story. It’s not in the same order as the original song but this is purposely done :) (Not my GIF) 

Warnings: Betrayal, angst, cursing, happy ending 

Word Count: 2.9k

Masterlist

Chapter 0 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Bonus

Know that I loved you so bad I let you treat me like that I was your willing accomplice, honey

“Guys, let me introduce you to our newest member of the team, Wanda Maximoff.” Heads turned as the brunette timidly walked into the room. She fiddled with her hands as she shyly mumbled a quick hello to the intimidating crowd. It was Natasha that broke the silence first. “Welcome to the team, Wanda.”

Soon introductions happened but Wanda had yet to say anything else. All she could focus on was trying her best to not read their thoughts. It seemed that Natasha was the easiest to sit by since her thoughts were surprisingly quiet. She found Tony and Thor to be the loudest while Bucky’s felt a little...damaged.

Nonetheless, Steve excused the two as he led Wanda to her new room. Opening the door for her, Wanda found herself to be in a spotless and minimalistic room. The colors were on the grayscale and everything smelled and looked brand new.

“Here’s your room.” Wanda walked in, enjoying the fact that she can finally have something of her own. But considering who she was living with, she felt a little overwhelmed at the possibility of the bed itself being worth more than her childhood home.

“Everything in here can accommodate your needs just as long as you know how to work one of these,” Steve said as he held up a small tablet for the room controls. Wanda laughed a little and jokingly asked, “Are you telling me you don’t?” Her voice was strongly laced with her Sokovian accent, which was something Wanda lightly cursed herself about.

This was a change. This was new. This was a place she could start a new page and maybe even a new Wanda.

Steve slightly blushed as he scratched the back of his neck. He placed the tablet back on the nightstand and said, “Well...let’s just say I’m not one with the current times.”

“So, an old soul?”

“You could say that.” Slowly backing to the door, Steve held on to the handle and said, “But, I’ll give you time to adjust. Also, before I forget, we have a talking robot in the building. So if you hear a very smart alek voice, that’s just the robot.”

Steve gave Wanda a comforting smile before closing the door. Looking around once more, Wanda noticed that she had her own flat screen in the room. There was a desk in the corner as well as two various doors. Going through them, one door led to her own luxurious bathroom and the other led to her own walk-in closet.

Wanda walked back into the main room and saw that she had glass doors leading to the balcony. Pulled in by the breathtaking view, Wanda slid out to the balcony and watched the scenery in front of her. It was night time yet New York felt as lively as the morning. “This really is the city that never sleeps.” And as Wanda continued to watch, she could only hope that this was the new beginning she needed.

“So you’ve been here a couple of months,” Clint stated as he and Wanda finished their training session. “How do you feel?” He tossed Wanda a towel which she caught with ease. While wiping the sweat off her face, she responded with, “I feel good.”

It was an obvious lie yet Clint didn’t manage to catch it. And if he did, he would’ve figured it was the nervousness talking. However, Wanda couldn’t help but think that she’s never felt so lonely till now.

“Well, that’s good to hear.” Clint picked up the various items they used for training and started to place them back in their original places. “Heads up, I think Steve is going to give you your first big mission.”

Wanda was putting back the weights when she said, “Really?” For the first few months, she’s been shadowing the other Avengers during their missions. Sometimes they would ask for Wanda’s opinion on how she would have handled the situation and other times she would just watch.

“Yeah. The team is impressed. You learn really quickly.”

“I don’t want to let anybody down.” It was rather late for it because Wanda already felt like she let herself down.

“You won’t. I know you won’t.”

Looking down at the file given to her, Wanda first noticed how young the girl looked in the picture. There were tiny scars on her face but none looked prominent. The thing that pulled in the most was her alluring eyes. They appeared soft at first but Wanda had a feeling there was more to those tired eyes.

“So, her name is Y/n L/n and my mission is to get close to her?” Wanda asked. She couldn’t really wrap her thoughts on why she was needed on this mission. The girl didn’t seem like the type to know much combat. So it shouldn’t be too hard for the Avengers to get her.

“Correct. You’re tasked with getting close to her to the point she can trust you. Since not a lot of people know you’re a part of the Avengers, you can help us use her to get to her family.” Wanda sighed. She didn’t want to disappoint them on her first big mission but why did it feel like the Avengers were in over their heads?

Regardless of her anxiety, Wanda swallowed it down and said, “Okay, when should I start?”

Those things I did Just so I could call you mine The things you did Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

Natasha, Steve, and Wanda sat in hiding. They were currently waiting for their target to arrive at the designated location. Various S.H.I.E.L.D. agents hid with the scenery and the night had only aided in their secrecy.

As the minutes ticked by since Y/n’s last message, Wanda couldn’t help but feel nauseous from her actions. Here she was, standing with the good side of history yet she couldn’t help but feel so repulsed by her actions.

Doubt plagued her mind which only increased her anxiety. While fiddling with her fingers, Wanda could only think about her. She thought about everything that could happen to Y/n. From how the government could possibly treat her to the possible interrogation that she would have to go through.

Oddly enough, she hoped that it wasn’t Natasha that could have a chance of doing that. Because if it were her, Y/n would end up in two ways. Beaten and bruised or hopelessly enamored by Natasha. Both ways made Wanda more anxious for this outcome. As sick as it was, Wanda would rather have Y/n be beaten and bruised than the latter. Jealousy was an ugly look on Wanda as well as betrayal.

“Do we really have to do this Steve?” Wanda could feel her hands start to shake but she quickly pulled herself together. Steve was right beside her. At any chance he felt that she was distracted, he would have her immediately escorted out.

“It’s the only way, Wanda.” The lack of doubt in his voice made Wanda shiver. She felt hopeless yet she was the only one to blame. She practically led Y/n to slaughter.

“But she’s nothing like them. You see what she does on her own.” Although Wanda knew there was no chance of pleading her case to Steve, she still tried because this was Y/n for fuck’s sake.

“I’m sorry Wanda but one good person can’t make up for what her entire family has done to many.” Looking back to the entrance of the tunnel, Wanda could only think about the good things that Y/n has done with her. Because to her, one good person was enough.

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we do 'Cause I was going down, but I was doing it with you Yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Wanda and Y/n were hanging out at an abandoned playground near the boat docks. Surprisingly, things were still intact despite the wear and tear they’ve been through. Y/n hung upside down on the monkey bars as she watched Wanda swing closely by her.

Maybe it was the way her hair flowed through the night breeze. Or maybe it was the way that she still shone through the darkness of the night. Or maybe it was this new happy look she had on her face. Or maybe - no - it was just the way she was - always is. She’s Wanda Maximoff. With all the blood rushing down to her head, and this overbearing feeling in her chest, Y/n said, “You know that I love you, right?”

Wanda stopped swinging and looked over at Y/n. There was a small bewildered look on her face but she didn’t look disgusted by the question. “What?” There was suddenly a rush of blood pounding in Wanda’s ears. She hoped that her mind wasn’t playing tricks with her especially now.

“I know it’s crazy - I haven’t even taken you out on a first date or anything but,” there was a glint to Wanda’s eyes and that confirmed everything that Y/n was feeling, “...I do.”

Y/n pulled her body upwards and replaced her legs with her hands on the monkey bars. She swung back and forth to get her blood flowing in other directions besides her head. She looked at Wanda and saw this doubted look on her face. So Y/n quickly added, “Yeah, I love you.”

“And what makes you say that?” Wanda had various answers in mind to her own question. Y/n could possibly be on drugs or she hung upside down for far too long. Or maybe, Y/n is just out of her fucking mind. But still, Wanda only hoped that Y/n would reassure her that she heard correctly. That she does love her.

Thinking about it for a moment, Y/n suddenly found the right words to say as she swung forward and landed right in front of Wanda. She placed her hands on the ropes of the swing, her face lowering down Wanda’s, little distance between them as Y/n said, “Well, you see me as my own person. Not somebody that’s the daughter of something. Just...me.”

Wanda’s breath was caught in her throat. Suddenly her senses were filled with anything about Y/n. Her ocean scented cologne, the hair pomade she uses to style, and the way her face looked so beautiful as if it was constructed by Michelangelo.

“Anyone can do that Y/n,” she whispered. Her eyes showcased her heart as she kept looking down at Y/n’s lips. But the way Y/n’s masked made her eyes looked constantly made Wanda look back up.

“I wouldn’t call you anyone,” Y/n said cockily. “You’re Wanda Maximoff. The girl that sees the best in people and the girl I so happen to be in love with.” Love. It was so easy for Y/n to say to Wanda despite everything she has been through with her family.

No one taught her love yet when she looked at Wanda, all she could do is feel it. “You feel so comfortable saying that around me yet I haven’t said it back,” Wanda joked. By now, her breath caught in her throat with how close they were getting.

By now, their foreheads touched as Wanda’s grip on the ropes of the swing tightened. “Well, I have a feeling that you will someday. And if you don’t, at least I got it off my chest.” And someday would be today.

Slowly, the two were leaning in when - RING!

The annoying alarm that blared through Y/n’s beeper made her groan. Now, someday would be in the future. “Uhhhhh - duty calls,” she said in distaste, however, Y/n had so badly wanted to stay with Wanda. Surprisingly, Wanda felt the same way. But vigilante duties were important to Y/n. So with another kiss on Wanda’s cheek, Y/n saluted goodbye. “See you Wands. You better practice saying those words now.” Y/n left with a wink and a smile on her face.

The room was tense as Y/n stood before her family. Sharp eyes looked into Y/n’s soul as they beckoned her to finally say her peace. “I don’t want to be a part of this family anymore.”

This type of tantrum was nothing new with Y/n. Everyone knew she didn’t like being part of this family but it never got this intense. “You don’t know what you’re saying Y/n,” her Dad reasoned but frankly, he was getting aggravated by this whole shenanigan.

“No, I do know what I’m saying.” She knew her family wouldn’t treat her seriously. They never did and she was hoping that they would once more because, after this fight, she would never come back.

“You’re throwing your life away, over what? Some girl?” The whole thing was quite pathetic to them. How could you throw the whole world away for somebody they believed Y/n hardly knew?

“She’s treated me better than you,” she countered. However, her family simply rolled their eyes at her statement.

“Oh yeah? Go ahead with your little friend then but don’t come running back when things go south.” The cigar in his hands was placed into the ashtray nearby. Y/n’s parents hardly looked when they heard Y/n’s footsteps leaving the room for they truly believed their daughter would come back. Because in a family like theirs, blood is the only thing you can trust.

Perched up on the balcony, with the breeze of the night flowing past them, Wanda and Y/n were laughing at the various things their powers did. However, the night turned with Y/n teasing Wanda endlessly. “I hate you,” she said as she slightly shoved Y/n as she smiled. “Sure you do,” Y/n replied with a smirk plastered on her face.

“I seriously do,” Wanda said as she noticed Y/n look at her lips. The two leaning in closer to each other. “Okay, and what are you going to do about it?” Y/n licked her lips as she could feel her heart explode with how little space was between them.

“Thi-,” the moment was cut short was Wanda’s phone rang. Their foreheads touched at the obvious annoyment to the interruption. Y/n had to physically remember to breathe as Wanda gave her a sorry smile. “Duty calls?” Y/n said to lighten the mood.

“Duty calls.” Seeing the frown on Wanda’s face made Y/n want to kiss her even more. “God, her lips must be soft,” she thought loudly. Wanda blushed at Y/n’s words but Y/n hardly noticed. All she wanted was to remove her frown. So she settled for the next best thing. She kissed Wanda’s cheek, letting it linger for a couple of seconds.

“See you later Maximoff.” Feeling overwhelmed with joy, Wanda shoved Y/n off the building as Y/n saluted her goodbye. Smiles were still plastered on both faces.

The ringing still went as Wanda saw Y/n successfully swing away. She picked up her phone with a sigh, having to remove all her flustered emotions as she answered the call. “Hello.”

“What the hell was that, Wanda?” She knew it was coming especially since the team had a very close eye on this mission. Failure wasn’t an option. “It was called acting, maybe you should try it, Tony.” She could already feel his eye roll from a mile away.

“You’re lucky I called when I did.” Luck...if it was luck, then her heart shouldn’t have ached this much. “Yeah...thanks, Tony.”

Y/n arrived at their place in huffed breaths. The adrenaline from breaking away from her family still running through her veins. “Wanda?!” She yelled out. The tunnel echoing her voice. “Wanda?!” There was still no response.

Before Y/n could call out again, the sound of combat boots echoed through the tunnel. Y/n sighed in relief knowing that Wanda was here. “Love - I think we can still make it before my family finds…”

Slowly, the figure stepped into the light provided by the moon. His chiseled jaw and god-like physique caused Y/n to go into a defensive mode. Y/n didn’t need to see the shield in his hand to know this was Steve Rogers aka Captain America.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Wanda?” Steve didn’t respond as he pressed his fingers onto his comms. “Target is here. Move forward.” Suddenly, Y/n could feel something latch on to her back, a spread of electricity shooting through her body.

Y/n dropped to her knees, groaning in pain as she still looked at Steve. A hard boot to her back made her face roughly connect to the dirty concrete. The electrifying feeling intensifying more than ever.

As they cuffed her arms and legs, Y/n couldn’t help but focus on how much her body was on fire. She thrashed and struggled in their hold and all she could think to yell out was, “Wanda!” Screams of pain and helpless begging for Wanda’s presence echoed through the tunnels.

And as Y/n slowly faded in and out of consciousness, Wanda stood at the exit of the tunnel, hearing the love of her life begging for her to save her.

Chapter 2

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[windfighter]

On the road

Satomi woke Kouji and Kouichi up. Kouji checked his phone for the time. 4:30. Early even for him. He yawned and sat up. Kouichi looked absolutely miserable at having to be up that early.

”Excited for the trip?” Kouji asked, just to say something.

Kouichi covered his face with a hand and yawned before nodding. Kouji stood up. He felt a little cold, but it was probably just the night air. He changed into sweatpants and a sweatshirt, wanting to have comfortable clothes for the 6 hour long car ride. Kouichi did the same and they headed down for breakfast.

Kouji couldn’t sit still, but not in a positive way. This was the first time he and Kouichi went on a trip together, not including the digiworld, and he was worried. For what, he wasn’t entierly sure. Would Kouichi get tired of him after two days? What if they got into a fight? What would they even fight about? Kouji made a list in his head and tried to figure out how to solve those arguments before they happened.

Having people around you that you could just beat up and never talk to again was a lot easier than having a brother.

Satomi and Kousei had prepared a real breakfast – soup, fish, rice and tamagoyaki instead of just coffee and sandwiches – so they wouldn’t feel hungry for a while. It didn’t settle well in Kouji’s stomach. He could never eat directly when he woke up, and the anxiety wasn’t helping. He still tried to eat a little of everything.

Kouichi was a lot better at eating when he woke up. Kouji watched in fascination as Kouichi finished the second serving.

”Helps me stay awake”, Kouichi answered a question Kouji hadn’t even asked.

Kouji felt nauseous just watching it. He pushed his own plate away and leaned against the table. Satomi looked at him.

”I’ll pack some for you to eat when you get hungry”, she said and Kouji nodded.

He waited while the others finished their breakfast, and then he and Kouichi went upstairs again. They packed some last minute-things in silence. Kouji knew he should talk, but he still felt nauseous after breakfast and the closer they got to departure-time the more anxious his body got. He sat down on his bed and closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe deeply.

”You okay?” Kouichi asked and sat down next to him.

Five answers tried to come out at once and it turned into a verbal keysmash. Kouichi looked at him and Kouji tried again.

”Body’s not used to eating this early”, he settled on. ”Other than that I’m fine. Just excited.”

”Hm.”

Kouichi absolutely did not believe him, Kouji could tell. He took another deep breath and grabbed his bag.

”Time to leave!” Kousei called from downstairs.

Kouichi stood up as well and they headed to the car together.

--------

One hour into the car ride and Kouji was still feeling nauseous. Kouichi had fallen asleep shortly after the left home and was sleeping really soundly for someone who had trouble falling asleep. It was good, Kouji assumed, because otherwise Kouichi would have noticed the way Kouji was shivering and that he was way less irritating than usually when they took the car somewhere.

Kouji pressed a hand against his mouth as they took a corner and his stomach threatened to empty itself. He swallowed and it didn’t help.

”Dad, can we pull over?” he asked.

He just needed some fresh air.

”We’ll reach a rest stop in another hour”, Kousei answered. ”There’s not really a good place to stop here.”

Another half hour and the nausea was overwhelming. Kouji’s stomach had started cramping and saliva constantly gathered in his mouth. He could tell he’d throw up any second.

”Dad”, his voice trembled. ”I need you to pull over.”

Kousei opened his mouth to protest and glanced into the rear-view mirror. Kouji wasn’t sure what he saw but about ten seconds later the car pulled to a stop.

Kouji unbuckled and opened the door at the same time, stumbling to the side of the road. He leaned over, half-digested food and stomach acid forced itself up his esophagus and out his mouth. It burned and Kouji’s eyes teared up.

Satomi appeared at his side, put a hand on his back and rubbed circles on it as he tried to gather himself again. Kouji took a few shaky breaths and threw up again.

”Better now”, he said when his body was done.

Kouichi got out of the car as well, handed Kouji a bottle of water and Kouji rinsed his mouth to get the taste out. He still shivered and Satomi put a hand to his forehead.

”Why didn’t you tell us you were feeling sick?”

”I’m not sick”, Kouji answered. ”I just had breakfast too early.”

He couldn’t be sick, not on the first vacation together with Kouichi.

”Do we need to turn around?” Kousei asked from the car.

Ice wrapped around Kouji’s core. The vacation hadn’t even started and he was already destroying it for everyone. He shook his head.

”I’m fine. Just remind me to never eat breakfast immediately again.”

”Do you want to sit in the front?” Satomi offered.

”I’m not car sick”, Kouji said. ”I’ve never had trouble with the car before. I’m fine in the back.”

”You do look kind of sick”, Kouichi said, the tone of his voice mixed with amusement and worry.

”I’m fine”, Kouji repeated and headed back to the car.

He waited for Kouichi to get seated before climing in himself. Satomi sat down in the front and Kousei started the car. Kouji curled up and leaned against the window. Maybe if he fell asleep the nausea would go away.

---------

The nausea did not go away. When they stopped at the rest stop Kouji had to throw up again. They had toilets there, so at least he could do it without his whole family seeing him being miserable. He sat down on the toilet and sniffled when it was over. They still had at least four more hours on the road, breaks included. Kouji wasn’t sure he could handle that. Should he ask if they could go home? He put his head in his hands and took a shaky breath. He couldn’t. That was two hours and even that felt too much.

Maybe he could just stay at the rest stop for the rest of his life.

There was a knock on the door. Three swift hits followed by a harder tap. Kouichi.

”Are you done in there soon?” he asked and Kouji groaned.

”Yeah, give me two seconds.”

”Satomi wants to know if you’re hungry.”

Just the thought of food made the nausea worse again. He shivered and rubbed his arms in an attempt to get warmer.

”Not really”, he said.

He sounded way too miserable even to his own ears. Hopefully Kouichi wouldn’t pick up on it.

”I found a ginger-drink if you’re still nauseous”, Kouichi continues.

Kouji got up from the seat and opened the door.

”I’m fine”, he said but he really didn’t know who he was trying to convince.

”You’re not”, Kouichi said and there was almost laughter in his voice. ”Ginger might help.”

Kouichi offered him the drink and Kouji let out a sigh before accepting it. He drank half and just felt more nauseous.

”Don’t think it’s helping”, he said.

He should not have said that. Kouichi snorted and Kouji realized he had just admitted to not being fine. He shoved Kouichi to the side and walked back to the car.

”Ready to get going?” Kousei asked.

Kouji sat down in the backseat and put the drink to the side. He wasn’t, but he would not be admitting that unless he absolutely had to.

”Yeah, we can go whenever”, he answered

He put the seatbelt on, closed the door and leaned against it. He’d try to fall asleep before the car started, maybe that would save him.

--------

A bump in the road woke him up and the nausea was bad. Kouji reached for the door with a groan.

”Dad”, Kouichi said next to him and the car pulled to a stop just as Kouji got the door opened.

He didn’t even attempt to get out, just leaned to the side and threw up. Kouichi moved closer and rubbed his back.

”Sorry”, Kouji mumbled.

”Don’t worry about it”, Kouichi answered. ”Everyone gets sick sometimes.”

Kouji glanced at all the sicktempber-stories the author had written.

”Tell me about it”, he said and rolled his eyes.

Kouichi snorted and kept rubbing his back. Kouji took a shaky breath and leaned back into the car. A blanket had been wrapped around him and fallen down while he was throwing up. He pulled it up to his shoulders as Kouichi leaned over him and closed the door.

”Ready to continue?” Kousei asked. ”It’s closer there than back home by now.”

”As ready as I’ll be”, Kouji answered.

At least he had managed to sleep past some of the travel. He shivered under the blanket and Kouichi buckled up again. The drive continued and Kouji closed his eyes.

”We could play car games, if you think that’ll help”, Kouichi suggested. ”Might take your mind of it, I mean.”

”Hm”, Kouji though about it. ”Maybe the association game?”

”I was thinking something that needed a bit more brain power, but sure, that works. Uh… I’ll start with school.”

School had teachers and homework and… Kouji’s brain felt slow.

”Takuya”, he said and rested his head against the window again. It was cool.

”Fire”, Kouichi answered.

A fire would be nice, if Kouji was honest. He shivered under the blanket.

”Camping”, he mumbled.

”How do you get from Takuya to fire?” Kousei asked in the front seat.

”He was fire”, Kouji mumbled and Kouichi poked his side.

”Have you ever met him? He’s so stupidly hotheaded”, he told Kousei. ”Like there’s always a fire under his butt.”

Kouji took a shaky breath and put a hand over his mouth. His stomach felt like it was about to empty itself again.

”Not helping?” Kouichi asked.

”Not helping”, Kouji confirmed. ”I’m gonna… try to sleep again.”

----------

It took another 5 emergency and one planned stops before they reached their destination. Kouji grabbed his bag, and then Kousei grabbed it from him. Kouji knew he should protest, he would have if he was feeling fine, but instead he wrapped his arms around himself.

”Cute cabin”, Kouichi commented.

”Two bedrooms, one for you two”, Kousei answered. ”A kitchen, if we don’t want to go to the town for food.”

Kouji’s stomach twisted at the thought of food and he put his fist against his mouth to battle the nausea.

”Think I’ll skip dinner”, he said.

His voice was rough and talking hurt a bit. Satomi put a hand against his back and pushed him towards the door.

”Let’s get you to bed.”

Bed sounded nice. Kouji waited as she unlocked the door and then headed straight for the smaller of the two bedrooms. He hesitated. It had a bunk bed and he was supposed to sleep in the top one, they had decided on it the previous day. He had been excited for it, but having to climb down every time he needed to throw up sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. Kouichi arrived as well.

”Take the lower bed”, he said.

Maybe twins could read each other’s minds. Kouji glanced at him.

”You sure?”

”I’d rather sleep in the top bunk than risk you vomiting on me.”

That was reasonable. Kouji laid down in the bed and curled up under the cover. Kousei put Kouji’s bag by the footend of the bed and Kouji looked at him.

”You can go do stuff”, he said. ”I can handle sleeping on my own.”

”It’s been a long ride”, Kousei answered. ”We’ll relax in here today and get out on the slopes tomorrow.”

Kouji raised an eyebrow, then decided he didn’t have the energy or voice to argue. Kousei patted Kouji’s shoulder.

”Let us know if you need anything.”

He left. Kouichi hovered and Kouji closed his eyes. He wanted to tell Kouichi to go hang out with Kousei and Satomi, wanted to tell him sorry, wanted to tell him they could still do fun things.

”Getting sick was not on my emergency list”, he muttered and yawned.

”...you have an emergency list?”

Being sick was the worst, Kouji decided, since his brain had decided to betray him. He pulled the cover over his head. How was he supposed to explain all the scenarios he’d gone through before they left home?

”...was afraid you’d get sick of me”, he just answered.

”Instead you got sick”, Kouichi said and laughed.

Kouji curled up under the cover and Kouichi sat down on the bed.

”I won’t get tired of you, okay? I just found you after 10 years of loneliness.”

”I’m not… used to people staying around.”

Kouichi put a hand on Kouji’s shoulder.

”You’re not getting rid of me that easily though. I promise.”

”Hm”, Kouji said. He wasn’t sure he could believe that. ”I’m gonna sleep, okay?”

”Okay”, Kouichi answered. ”I’ll put a trashcan by the bed for you.”

Kouichi stood up again. Kouji pulled the cover down and watched Kouichi grab the trashcan and put it by the bed. He hoped he wouldn’t need to use it. He rubbed his eyes and yawned.

”Want me to stay in here?” Kouichi asked.

”I’m fine, go hang out with mom and dad.”

”Alright. Just call if you need me.”

Kouji nodded and closed his eyes. He heard the door close and took a shaky breath. Hopefully he’d feel better in the morning.

[hotshotsxyz]

like it means something

buddie (2.8k) (read it on ao3)

Evan. His own name won’t stop rattling around in his head. Evan.

He brings Eddie home from the hospital and everything’s - not okay, Eddie still got hurt and Buck still had to watch it and Bobby’s still hurt too, but - they’re getting there. No one died, and that’s a hell of a lot better than it could’ve been. No one died.

Evan.

Eddie kisses Chris’s forehead and Buck grins wide, because yeah, of course he would take care of him if the worst happened, but this is what Christopher deserves. His family, alive and whole and well.

Taylor’s there. Of course she is, Buck’s mind supplies, you asked her to be. She’s your friend. More than a friend? Buck doesn’t know. There’s a lot to unpack there, and with everything else that’s happened, they haven’t had the time. It’s a conversation for another day.

Abuela, Pepa and Carla each take their turn fussing over Eddie and then, to Buck’s surprise, him too. He doesn’t understand why. Eddie got shot, not him. Eddie’s the one who hasn’t been home in a week, not him. Eddie -

Evan.

Buck’s at a loss. It’s a party of sorts, but Eddie’s exhausted and so is he. Buck feels completely wrung out, and he can see the tension in Eddie’s expression that says he does too. He wants to tell everyone else to leave, but it isn’t his place. Still, though, Taylor seems to get the hint first. She pulls him aside with a gentle hand to his shoulder.

“I’m going to head out. Is there anything you need?” she asks.

Buck shakes his head mutely.

“Just... get some rest, okay? I know you want to take care of him, but you’re not the only one who can.” She presses a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, then heads over to where Eddie and Ana are seated at the dining room table to make her excuses.

Taylor is half right and half wrong. There are other people that can take care of Eddie, but Buck won’t be able to rest unless he’s nearby.

Evan.

Abuela and Pepa leave next, citing the sinking sun and the growing weariness in Eddie’s movements. They each kiss him on the cheek and go with the promise to return in the morning. Abuela’s left behind enough food to feed an army for a week, stacked in the fridge in carefully labeled Tupperware.

Then Carla goes and it’s just Eddie, Ana, Buck and Chris.

Evan.

Buck should probably go, he knows, but he can’t quite bring himself to. He knows Eddie’s okay, has the living proof sitting right in front of him, but the second he looks away all the tension of the week returns, the fear and anxiety mixing sickeningly in his stomach.

Christopher has fallen asleep in Eddie’s lap, head tucked into his good shoulder. Eddie himself is fighting yawns. It’s been a long day.

Finally, it’s Ana who breaks the silence, standing and pressing a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “Get some rest,” she says. “And text me if you need anything.”

It’s virtually the same thing Taylor said to him, and it strikes Buck as odd. They’ve been together, what, six months now? She should be saying more. Maybe she’s not because he’s here. Buck still can’t bring himself to leave.

Evan.

Neither of them has moved in the minutes since Ana left, but Eddie’s eyes are starting to drift and Buck knows he needs to sleep.

“Let me take Chris,” he says softly.

The grateful nod Eddie gives him is a testament to just how tired he really is.

Buck picks him up carefully and carries him to bed. He tucks him in and presses a kiss into his forehead. Once upon a time, he might’ve wondered if that was his place. Not now, though, not after everything Eddie said. He loves this kid like his own; he’s not going to pretend it’s anything less.

Evan.

He flicks the light out and makes sure Chris’s night light is on before gently shutting the door. Wordlessly, he returns to Eddie’s side.

There’s a grimace of pain on Eddie’s face that hadn’t been there before, and a quick glance at the clock tells Buck that he’s way past due for another round of medication. He grabs the pills and a bottle of water from the kitchen.

“The doctor said I can give you ibuprofen, too, if this isn’t enough.”

Eddie shakes his head minutely. “No, this is okay.” He swallows the pills Buck offers him dry, then washes them down with a swig of water.

“You need to sleep,” Buck says. “I should-“

“Stay, please?” Eddie interrupts him.

And how could Buck say no to that?

Evan.

Buck’s barely asleep when he hears Eddie cry out. He’s on his feet in a second and by Eddie’s side in less.

Eddie’s asleep still, but his face is scrunched and he’s curled in on himself like he’s trying to make himself smaller. Buck places a hand on his leg and shakes him gently.

Eddie shoots up, hissing in pain and clutching his shoulder. His eyes dart wildly around the room, unseeing.

“Hey, hey, just a dream, you’re okay,” Buck says.

Eddie’s eyes are wide with fear as they meet Buck’s. He sucks in a ragged, shuddering breath, then sags.

“I- you. You were- fuck,” Eddie stutters, scrubbing a hand across his face.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Buck repeats. He pulls Eddie to his chest. “You’re okay.”

Buck rocks them back and forth gently as his shirt slowly grows wet with Eddie’s tears.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Eddie gasps against him. Buck just holds him tighter.

“Don’t be,” he murmurs, “I’ve got you.”

Eventually, Eddie pulls back, wiping his eyes with his good hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asks after a moment.

Eddie shakes his head but begins to speak anyway. “It was- I saw you, covered in blood and I couldn’t... couldn’t move, or, or help you. And- and then you were coughing up blood, just like at the party, and I tried, Buck I tried but it was like I was stuck in quicksand and I couldn’t-“ Eddie’s breathing has gone ragged again, so Buck grabs his hand.

“Me?” he can’t help but ask.

“Evan,” Eddie says, so tenderly it hurts.

Evan.

They fall asleep curled together, Eddie’s hand resting over Buck’s heart. It’s the first decent sleep Buck’s had since the shooting.

They don’t talk about it the next day, mostly because Buck doesn’t know what to say. He suspects Eddie doesn’t either.

Instead, much to Christopher’s delight, Buck makes pancakes. The three of them eat together on the couch, watching some cartoon that Chris seems interested in and Buck’s never seen before. It’s so painfully normal. Buck was terrified he’d never get to have this again, and now that he does he can’t shake the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop.

Evan.

That night, Eddie wordlessly pulls Buck into his bedroom. They lay facing each other in the dark. Buck wants nothing more than to bridge the gap between them, but it might as well be the Grand Canyon.

There’s not much light in the room, just the ambient glow of the city filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. It’s enough to see Eddie’s face by, but it doesn’t help Buck read his inscrutable expression. He eventually gives up trying and closes his eyes.

He’s stiff, and sleep evades him. If Eddie’s shifting is any indication, he’s still awake too. Finally, Eddie heaves a sigh and, to Buck’s surprise, wraps a hand around Buck’s wrist and pulls. Buck opens his eyes and sees the silent question in Eddie’s.

Is this okay?

Buck presses himself into Eddie’s space without hesitation.

Evan.

Eddie has a doctor’s appointment the next day, and Buck’s agreed to meet Taylor for coffee after dropping him off. Carla’s with Chris for the day, to help him with school, leaving Buck with a free hour on his hands for the first time in over a week.

His stomach has been in knots all morning. He’s not sure if it’s the prospect of letting Eddie out of his sight for the first time since he’s been home, or the conversation he knows he’s about to have with Taylor.

Because he’s thought about it, and the idea of being with Taylor… he’s kidding himself. Before, maybe. But now, after, with the mess of feelings he has twisting in his chest - he’s not in a place to start something new. He’s not even sure he wants it - her - anymore. Taylor’s great, but she could never fill the hole that was punched in his chest by the same bullet that tore through Eddie’s shoulder.

He’s starting to wonder if he’ll spend the rest of his life dividing things into before and after.

Taylor’s already seated when he arrives, fingers wrapped around a cardboard coffee cup that’s still steaming. Buck almost expected to change his mind when he saw her, to suddenly remember why he was interested in the first place, but mostly he’s just anxious to get back to Eddie. He doesn’t even really feel the old curl of attraction he’s used to. He sits in front of her, suppressing a sigh.

Taylor looks up at him, wearing an expression he can’t quite decipher. “Buck,” she says.

Evan.

“Hey, Taylor.”

“You don’t want coffee?” She asks, inclining her cup towards him.

Buck shakes his head. “Had some this morning,” he shrugs. “Don’t want to get jittery.”

Taylor frowns slightly, but doesn’t say anything.

They sit in awkward silence for what feels like an eternity before Buck finally breaks it.

“Look, Taylor,” he sighs. “There’s a lot going on right now, and I just… whatever this thing is between us, I’m not sure I have the space to figure it out. You deserve someone who’s all in, and I just can’t be right now.”

Taylor blows out a breath. “Oh thank god,” she says.

And that’s… unexpected. Buck raises a brow.

“You’re my friend, and I care so much about you, but I- I was scared, and I didn’t know what to do with it, so I told myself it was something else.” Taylor doesn’t look him in the eye. “All this earnestness is making me nauseous,” she jokes weakly.

Buck huffs out a short laugh. The tightly wound anxiety in his gut loosens, just a bit. “Friends, then?”

Taylor finally looks at him and smiles. “Friends,” she agrees.

“How was coffee?” Eddie asks. He’s looked vaguely constipated since Buck picked him up, but insists that his appointment went fine.

“Good,” Buck replies honestly. “We’re on the same page.” He’s driving, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees Eddie’s face do something complicated.

“Good,” he says. “That’s good.” There’s a beat of silence. “So you’re… together, then?”

Buck glances at Eddie, whose eyes are fixed on the road ahead of them. His expression is carefully neutral, but tight around the edges. Buck huffs a soft breath. “Nah,” he says. “End of the day it wasn’t what either of us wanted.”

Some of the tension bleeds out of Eddie’s posture. “Oh. I, uh- are you okay with that?”

Buck chuckles lightly at that. “Yeah, Eds. Pretty sure I’ve got everything I need right now.”

Evan.

Sleeping in the same bed at night becomes something of a habit, just like not talking about it does. It’s not that Buck doesn’t want to. He’s just… not sure how. What do you say when you’ve got so many feelings that you can’t even begin to decipher them, and the only thing you know for sure is that the thought of letting your best friend out of sight for more than a few minutes sends you careening towards a panic attack? There’s not exactly a greeting card for that.

This song and dance, though, it’s familiar. Comforting, in its own way. They’ve always flirted with the line between friendship and more, daring to put a toe over it, but never to take an actual step. Buck can’t help but wonder if this is a step, and they’re both just too chickenshit to admit it.

Evan.

“Where’s Ana?” Buck asks one morning, apropos of nothing. “I would’ve expected to see her around more often.”

Eddie stiffens. “We, uh, we broke up.”

Buck whirls around, nearly flinging egg against the backsplash. “When?”

“After the party.” Eddie shrugs uncomfortably.

Buck’s eyebrows raise. “I’ve been with you 24/7 since then,” he says. The question is obvious.

Eddie rubs a hand through his hair and frowns sheepishly. “I… texted her?”

Buck’s jaw drops. “You ended a 6-month relationship, a week after you got shot, over text?”

“In my defense, I was on a lot of painkillers. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Buck can’t help but laugh, throwing his head back. After a moment, Eddie joins in.

“That,” Buck says between giggles, “was not cool, man!”

“Nope,” Eddie agrees.

It’s the best either of them has felt in weeks.

The night after Buck’s first shift back at the station, Eddie has the worst nightmare he’s had since that first night. It takes Buck three tries to wake him, and the glassy look in his eyes remains far longer than he’d like.

“Please be careful,” Eddie says finally. “You have to- I can’t-“

“I promise,” Buck says, holding him tight to his chest.

Evan.

It’s Buck’s own nightmare that brings things to a head.

He’s been sleeping surprisingly peacefully since Eddie’s return home, but when the nightmares do return, they’re the worst he’s had.

He dreams he’s stuck beneath the firetruck, white-hot pain radiating up his leg, watching helplessly as Eddie bleeds out in front of him. Eddie tries to drag himself to Buck, but each pull makes the wound gush even more blood. Buck tries to yell for him to stop, but he can’t make his jaw work.

He finally wrenches it open, only to find himself sitting bolt upright in bed. His throat feels raw, like he’s been screaming, and Eddie’s hand is clutching his forearm. He knows where he is, but the panic from his dream isn’t receding. It grows louder and louder, until finally, Eddie’s voice cuts through.

“Evan!” He says sharply. “You’re okay, you’re fine. You’re in my room, with me. We’re both okay.”

Buck sags and falls back against the pillow, willing his breathing to slow. “You keep saying that,” he whispers in the dark.

“What?”

“My name. Like it means something.”

“It does,” Eddie says. “Every single piece of you matters.”

And Buck… Buck almost believes him.

Evan.

The elephant in the room grows larger every day, but still, they don’t talk about it. For all intents and purposes, Buck lives at Eddie’s. It’s been months. Eddie doesn’t physically need his help anymore, but neither is willing to let the other go. With Eddie’s return date drawing nearer, though, it’s getting harder to ignore.

Buck doesn’t want to ask, but he has to. He’s been waiting for the other shoe to drop since practically the first night, and he can’t take it anymore. He decides to soften the blow with pancakes.

“I should probably go back to my apartment,” he says, as casually as he can manage, as if the words don’t feel like ripping his still-beating heart out of his chest. Buck tries not to examine that feeling too closely.

“You need something?” Eddie asks, like it hasn’t even occurred to him that Buck might not come back.

“No, I-“

“Oh,” Eddie says. His expression goes carefully blank.

“I just-“ Buck tries to explain.

Eddie holds up a hand forestalling him. “I get it,” he says. “It’s fine.”

Buck swallows, ignoring the voice in his head that says definitively that it’s not.

Evan.

Buck’s out the door, duffle in hand, when Eddie stops him.

“Buck, wait,” he says, “Evan!”

Buck drops his bag in surprise and turns, only to find Eddie much closer than he expected.

“Don’t go,” Eddie says in a rush. “Stay, please. I need you here. With me.”

Buck gapes at him, as slowly the knot of emotions in his chest begins to unravel. The string that encircles the edges, that one he knows well: fear. The one beneath it: anger, at the sniper and the universe for hurting Eddie all over again. Hope and devastation intermingle, while grief lay coiled off to the side.

And the string that runs through the middle, holding it all together… that’s love.

Oh.

Buck gets it now.

He takes a step forward, closing the minuscule gap between him and Eddie. “I don’t want to go,” he whispers.

“Then don’t.”

Buck kisses him, soft and sweet. A promise, one which Eddie returns in kind.

There’re still a million things to talk about, but for once in his life, Evan Buckley is pretty sure he has all the words he needs.

[trueshellz]

Seeing your abusive ex: Bokuto Scenario

Based on something that happened to me today and ended with me having to call my auntie to calm me down while I cried hysterically in my car. This is based in my own symptoms but is not an extensive or absolute list. This cute boi is my comfort character from Haikyuu. If anyone ever needs to talk about stuff like this, I will happily listen. You are loved. You are amazing!

Warning: possible abuse triggers, some angst, anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD type symptoms, harassment, past abuse hinted.

You were sure the car behind you was one you had seen before, as it popped up four times on your walk home you started feeling anxious. The first time has been when you left work, it was parked across the road with lights turned off as you left the building. The second and third time were when you went and left the supermarket to get dinner ingredients that you had forgotten yesterday. This time however, you were sure it was following you as you walked home. And if you were right it belonged to your abusive ex-boyfriend, one that you hadn’t seen in over two years since you threw him out after you gathered the strength to do so.

You knew not to walk too fast or too slow, you were holding a deodorant can in your pocket and had your safety alarm in your other hand with your keys. Your main issue was getting home safe. If you went home, he would follow you and know where you live. If you went to a friend’s house, she could be in danger and you didn’t want anyone to experience what you had. At the same time, it was getting a little dark and being out after sunset was just as bad. You could feel the memories of the abuse flash through your mind like a film reel, the familiar feeling of terror as you re-lived what happened. Your breath was catching in your throat as you walked, not from exertion but from sheer panic. You tried the breathing techniques your therapist had given you, tried thinking about you lovely boyfriend and the happy memories you had made together, but nothing stopped the darkness clouding your brain.

On impulse, you dialled Koutaro’s number, knowing he was at practice there was a small chance he would pick up and if he didn’t, your best friend was next. Glancing behind you again, you stayed on busy main roads as you walked, willed and prayed to God that he picked up his phone. Weaving through people hoping that he would lose sight of you and give up, at least long enough for you to get home safely.

“Hey gorgeous, I was just going to message you. I-“

“Kou... Kou... I...l...”

Your voice broke off in sobs as you spoke, the world around you seeming too small and the noises too loud as you walked. You had a small idea where you were, relying on muscle memory walking around the city but right now, all you cared about was the car that kept coming in and out your vision.

“Baby, whats’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I...”

Bokuto could hear your voice catch as you spoke, the sound hitting him right in the chest and making his heart hurt, he hated being on the other side of the city as he practiced for his upcoming match. It wasn’t often that he heard you like this, the nightmares had decreased and apart from the one time you opened up about a past relationship, you had never been this fearful.

“Baby, listen. It’s me, its Kou. Focus on my voice ok? Forget everything else. I love you. Tell me where you are.”

“I don’t know, Kou.” A pause as he heard you take a deep breath. “I’m scared.”

“I know, baby. Tell me what you see ok? You know this city way better than I do. Remember when I got lost on the way to your house? How late was I to our first date? I’m so lucky you agreed to a second one. You know this city like the back of your hand.”

You focused on the sound of his voice, the usual soothing melody as he spoke to you. The same voice that lulled you to sleep when you had a bad dream and screamed with happiness when you played games together. The one that groaned in your ear when he was too tired to moved or whispered how good it felt being inside you. Your bubbly, cute baby owl boyfriend. Remembering the instance he spoke about, he had gotten so lost that he was an hour late for your first date. You, thinking you had been stood up, had changed out your outfit and into a onesie. By the time he arrived, he had sweat through his shirt and looked like he’d walked about 50 miles. Being hesitant about the second date, he showed up with flowers an hour early and patiently waited outside while you got ready. His logic being the he could make the time up... somehow.

Telling him what you could see and reading out the name of the roads, you could hear his team in the background. Hinata being over-excited as usual, you could imagine him jumping up and down annoying everyone while Kageyama beat him up. While the other members were mumbling other background, Atsumu’s distinct accent was clear compared to everyone else. They were always so lively when you visited, jumping to talk to you or show you new moves, always thankful for the food and snacks you bought. Even if it made your boyfriend super jealous.

“Well done, baby. You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you. Listen, you’re near Akaashi’s house ok? Remember him? He’s a year younger than me? We played in high school together. You met at our school reunion a while back. He’s a comic designer now.”

Casting your mind back, you nodded to yourself when you remembered the calm guy with dark hair that your boyfriend got along with so well despite being complete opposing personalities. The number of times you had heard ‘Akaashi’ shouted at various points, you had taken to copying Bokuto that night, much to Akaashi’s chagrin and your boyfriend’s delight.

“He’s expecting you ok? He’s a good friend of mine baby, I trust him with my life. He’ll keep you safe until I get there.”

Giving you his address, you started walking towards his apartment, it was near a main road and looking around you couldn’t see the vehicle anywhere. The panic from earlier still humming through your veins as you walked towards your destination.

“Kou, but-“

“Baby, don’t start saying anything. I know you’re thinking that you’re disrupting practice or ruining my game. That it’s a headache coming all the way over there when you haven’t even told me what’s wrong.”

His tone was calm and collected, but his words rang straight through your brain triggering your panic even further and the tears that had dried now coming back full force.

“Kou. I’m sorry.”

“Woah, hey. Don’t ever apologise. Ok? I never wanna hear you apologise for stuff like this. I’m leaving now. Go to Akaashi’s house and I’ll be there in as soon as I can, ok?”

“Ok, Kou. Thank you.”

“Welcome, baby. Love you.”

Waiting around for your boyfriend was making you edgy, you couldn’t sit still. What if your ex had seen Bokuto? What if he’d seen you come here? But you hadn’t seen him, a car was easy to spot right? What if he was tracking you? You had changed your number though? Akaashi had popped in twice to check on you, once to bring you a blanket and hot tea and the second time to ask if you wanted food. The tea was swirling in your stomach, the crying had made you fell nauseous and you were sure that your stomach would revolt against any food. Hearing voices from the hallway, your body tensed expecting the worst.

He found you.

He was going to hurt you again.

Instead, familiar grey-black hair popped up from behind the door and while your heart was still in your throat, the sight of him made the thread of fear loosen a little. Dropping his bag, Bokuto walked over to you before kneeling in front of you and holding your face in his hands as he leaned his forehead against yours. Thumbs wiping away any remnants of tears, he kissed you nose, cheeks and forehead before pulling you into his arms. The feel of his arms around you, the scent of his aftershave and faint smell of sweat from his sports wear eased the tension in your body a little but could do nothing against the sobs that broke free again.

“Shh, it’s ok baby. I got you. I’ll always have you. You’re safe now.”

“Kou... I saw him. He... he was behind me.”

Bokuto knew instantly who you meant, he wished he could personally do something about him but between his career and your fear, the idea of beating your ex to a pulp didn’t seem plausible. While he wasn’t super close with Daichi, he knew Kuroo was and was going to reach out and do something about it. Holding you at arms length, he brushed away your tears and kissed your forehead again, linking your wrists together so your couple bracelets latched on to each other. They were something you had seen on TikTok, two bracelets with magnets that would link when they were close. You thought he would reject the idea at first, but Bokuto thought they were the best way to show everyone you were his girl. Plus it gave him a great excuse to your hold hand when you went everywhere.

“See, baby? Look how these magnets find each other and attract one another. Just like you and me. Nothing could keep me away from you. I’ll always find you. Okay?”

You nodded, glancing down at the bracelets and then up at your boyfriend. His amber eyes full of worry but love and the way he held you like you were something so precious.

“Plus, if he tries anything I’ll beat him up, have you seen these muscles baby?”

You snorted as Bokuto flexed his arm, muscles straining against the sleeve of his tee and couldn’t help but fall into his chest giggling as he squished you. The tears from earlier forgotten as you embraced the loving nature of your gorgeous boyfriend.

[icequeenbae]

Stay with Me (m) | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Long-distance relationship, established relationship, grumpy Baek, smut

Warnings: explicit content, unprotected sex, upset sex (is there such a thing), oral (f receiving), consent is not explicitly stated but implied

Word Count: ~2.6k

Summary: Baekhyun was upset because you had to leave again. His frustration made things escalate to an unexpected extent. He might’ve just wanted to make you late for the plane though.

© Please do not copy/ post on other platforms without permission.

Let’s celebrate my first ‘writing comeback’ anniversary together ❤❤❤  [February 17, 2020 – forever]

Author’s Note: Soooo… This was actually the first fic I wrote after many years of my writer’s coma. Wasn’t going to post it, but it’s important to save the date. A year ago during a business trip I was listening to Baekhyun’s ‘Stay Up’ in the backseat of a cab, and it suddenly got to me in a very new and profound way. As soon as I got to the hotel, the doc was created. Countless sleepless nights later, I can admit that I haven’t really stopped writing ever since.

Baekhyun isn’t just my bias or my favourite character to write, he’s so much more special to me than that. I’m not sure how long this journey is going to last or where it leads me, but so far he’s gifted me with one full year of this magic. He’ll always have a precious spot in my heart 🤍

Okay, done with the sappy times now (no). As usual – big thanks to @baekshoney​​​ for having a look, and I hope you guys enjoy this little oneshot!

This was one of those days. One of the days you hated, and Baekhyun didn’t do much to make it better for you. On the contrary, he was sulking since early morning. First, because you’d left him alone in bed and he woke up being cold. Then he just kept getting annoyed with everything. Why were you having coffee for breakfast again, when you should sleep on the plane? Why weren’t you packing snacks, when the airport food always made your stomach upset? You should’ve definitely worn one of his hoodies, since none of yours were warm and comfy enough, did he have to remind you?

Yes, this was the day you had to fly back home, leaving him behind once again. Which was exactly what brought his tsundere ways to the surface. He was just… upset.

‘Baby, it’s not the first time I’m going home, I’ll be fine,’ you grinned at his grumpy expression and poured him a cup of coffee as soon as he sat his butt down on the kitchen stool.

Baekhyun wasn’t exactly subtle in how he felt about you going away. The two of you had been doing this ‘long-distance thing’ since the very beginning of your relationship. You’d met during your first ever trip to Korea around two years ago and instantly clicked – just like that – not spending a single day without at least a quick message exchange with one another.

It was tough at times. There was no way for you to see each other more frequently, and you were often apart for months. Granted, you were keeping in touch religiously – texting every single day, having video calls every other night (whenever you could manage the schedules and time zones), posting ambiguous pictures on social media only for each other to understand. Still, you missed each other so terribly…

‘I don’t understand why you have to go anyway, you can just stay here with me,’ Baekhyun grumbled, eyeing the kitchen floor with a frown. You pursed your lips to contain the coo about to fly out of your mouth at how cute he was, pouting and complaining. Like an angry little bird. Before you could stop yourself, you reached out your hand and ruffled his already messy bedroom hair.

The way his nose scrunched up meant he wasn't in the mood to be playful. You sighed and leaned on the corner of the kitchen table.

‘You know I have work to get back to, Bae, I can’t be on vacation all year long.’

He was being rather childish about your departure, especially when you were already fully dressed and ready to go. The only thing stalling you was that Chanyeol, who insisted on being your ride to the airport today, hadn’t come to pick you up just yet, giving you some time to smooth over your boyfriend’s feathers.

Truth be told, you were only holding up the appearances for him. It was very possible that you were even more upset about having to go than he was. In fact, every time your week or two together were nearing an end, you felt nauseous at the thought that you wouldn’t be able to see his face, or hold his hand, or feel his warm breath on your skin, or kiss the tiny mole on his cheek.

In all honesty, you were... a mess. You only displayed yourself as calm and collected during your goodbyes because you knew his moodiness was merely a tactic to conceal his pain. So, you tucked your own feelings away to make it a bit more manageable for him. In reality, you broke down as soon as you arrived home and walked into your lifeless apartment. Each time, you had to find excuses and avoid talking to him via video messengers during those initial weeks, pretending to suddenly be swamped at work. You realized that seeing your eyes all red and puffy from crying every night would most definitely break his heart and worsen his longing. That you knew, because seeing him unhappy was excruciating. You wanted more than anything to deliver him from any further suffering.

It took all of your self-restraint not to reach out for his warm embrace or let the tears flow freely. He’d probably not let you go then, always telling you to just stay with him anyways. But you were both adults and had commitments, although hundreds and thousands of miles apart.

As your eyes were beginning to prick from observing his state and getting overwhelmed with your own feelings, you decided it was safer to move out ten minutes early, despite the call from Yeol not coming through yet. Anything to not let Baekhyun see you cry or cling to him desperately the way you wished to in that moment.

‘Well, you can pout all you want, I’m going to get my stuff,’ you said in an airy tone trying to elevate his mood slightly.

‘No.’

He stopped you in your tracks, grabbing your wrist. You gazed at him, confused as to what he meant. He was still looking down, eyebrows knitted together and chest heaving with almost anxious breaths.

‘Bae?’

‘No,’ he repeated, softer this time, but still not making eye contact with you. Instead, he tugged at your wrist and pulled you closer to him. You felt his grasp weaken until your wrist was free, however, your waist was not. His arms snaked around it, and he pulled you into himself, basically nuzzling his face into your chest.

‘Baekhyun?’ You squeaked, doing your best to fight off the goosebumps that littered your skin immediately after the contact. Your body never once asked for permission to react to him, and this time was no exception. His right hand traveled down your spine to the curve of your ass as his nose nudged one of your breasts. You shivered, grabbing at his shoulders, and he suddenly growled, knowing, sensing that your nipples had already perked up underneath the fabric of your bra.

Although he was trying to put you into one of his many oversized hoodies all the time, it was summer, so you were wearing a sundress (like any sane person would). Lucky for Baekhyun, this type of clothing made it even easier for him.

He rose from his seat and hoisted you up so abruptly that you only managed to yelp and grab at his neck for balance. You were then placed on the empty side of the dining table away from the leftover breakfast. Looking down at where your boyfriend’s hands were, you watched him frantically pull your dress up, before coming to your senses and trying to stop him.

‘Bae… What are you doing? Yeol is gonna be here any minute, we can’t just f…ugh!’ You cried out in surprise as he yanked your hips forcefully up to his face, completely ignoring your words. There’s no way he was going to...

‘Baekhyunie, please stop, you know I’m going to be late, what is…’ He didn’t even let you finish your rant, leaving a trail of insistent wet kisses upon the sensitive skin along the panty line while leading up to your protruding hip bone. Breath caught up in your throat, you couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out even if you wanted to. Did you really want to? With his head right there between your thighs, his dark burning eyes looking at you – completely immobilized by him – in the most intense and intimate way possible. His lips were glistening after he ran his tongue over them habitually, and when he leaned in and licked at your still clothed center, you belatedly realized that you weren’t even breathing. The realization only came with the wheezing gasp you’d let out, when your legs wrapped around his head as if on cue. Like fuel to the fire, your responsiveness only spurred him on. You didn’t even have time to realize that your boyfriend had already moved your panties out of the way when his impatient lips were on you again.

‘B- Baekhyun…’ You muttered, reaching your hand down to give pushing his head away a feeble try. ‘We can’t do this now, please stop... the airport…’

His ears seemed deaf to your reluctant pleas as he only employed more of his tongue to make you lose the last bits of your sober mind completely, melting and thrashing underneath his touch. He eased one of your thighs off of his shoulder, pushing it up and spreading you out before diving back in, paying no attention to your increasingly disheveled state.

At this point you could only sob, speech incoherent, all attempts to push him away or close your legs futile. And that alone made him grow feverish with the need to be inside you, to feel you once again before he had to let you go.

He was really good with his mouth, as usual, so by the time one of his hands left your thigh to tease you a little further with his long deft fingers you were so ready to take more that you barely registered the burn of two digits sliding inside. You were still a little sore from the night before, which you’d spent making love for hours on end, knowing that you won’t be touching each other anytime soon. But that was meaningless now.

His tongue expertly swirled around your clit, while his wrist found a familiar angle that always made you get vocal. Your back arched instantly as you cried out his name, barely grasping that you were still tugging at his soft locks and possibly causing discomfort. It was clear that your release was mere seconds away with your legs shaking and inner muscles clenching, and that was exactly where Baekhyun wanted you. Aching for his touch, needing him as much as he needed you. Just the two of you, caught up in the act of lustful desperation.

He’d worked his tongue diligently, almost pushing you over the edge by sucking on your most sensitive spot for just a second, and... then you suddenly felt him pull away.

‘No, no- what?’ You could barely form sentences, let alone complain, but your frenzied tone made his already rock-hard flesh twitch. His pants were down in seconds, and there wasn’t even a thought of pausing to get a condom on or cool off a little bit. You were both on the verge of getting overwhelmed by this passionate longing when... your phone suddenly lit up, indicating an incoming call. Before you could snap out of the moment you were having, Baekhyun had you flat on your back, all slick and ready for him to push inside. And that he did — in one quick and rough movement, filling you up and giving you no time to even make a sound before his hips tested you out with a couple of low amplitude thrusts. The table moved slightly, soft clanking of tableware falling on deaf ears. Meanwhile, Baekhyun grabbed onto your hips, lifting your ass in the air for more control over the penetration.

‘Baek, I swear… You have like 2 minutes before Chan-’ A vicious thrust reached further than before, definitely getting your friend’s name out of your mind for good. And anything else for that matter.

Baekhyun snapped his hips as if he wanted to get as deep as humanly possible, as if he wanted to literally ruin you, and you could only scratch at his forearm while losing yourself in the feeling of his hips colliding with yours and the delectable sounds the action produced.

‘Baby,’ Baekhyun suddenly breathed out hoarsely, eyebrows knitted together as if in pain, ‘I can’t hold it off-’

Hearing his voice so strenuous and somehow vulnerable, you threw your head back and closed your eyes, spreading your legs further apart to allow him to better angle his powerful thrusts.

Your limbs were starting to grow numb and the veins on your neck popped when you moaned, and that’s when Baekhyun let out a strained ‘ah’, holding you in place by the hips to give you his erratic final thrusts.

In that moment you felt like something snapped inside you. Your core was tight around your lover’s cock, your body shaking in pre-orgasmic bliss, and you’d never experienced it this way. You felt so full and content in this moment when he was still moving his hips and groaning stiffly above you, riding out his high. There was nothing else he needed to do to take you along. The sensation of his warmth inside you made you pulsate, wailing so loudly that Baekhyun had to cover your mouth with his palm. He kept going for a bit to prolong your orgasm and let you slowly come back to your senses.

Your eyes stared vacantly at the kitchen ceiling and your throat was dry, although Baekhyun’s hand was still clasped over your mouth. When both of you managed to catch your breath, you just gazed at each other for a few long moments. You were so spent that you couldn’t even read the semi-blank expression on his face. He slowly slipped his palm off of your face, still hovering over your body.

‘Baekhyunie…’ You murmured, touching his cheek gently. He was usually lowkey annoyed whenever you went on to kiss the little mole on his face instead of his lips. This time, however, he only lowered his head further to let you do your thing. You pressed your lips to the tiny dot on his skin, leaning back onto the table to find his eyes with your own.

‘I love you,’ he suddenly whispered in a broken voice, then cleared his throat and started over. ‘I really want you to stay with me.’

It was… bittersweet.

You winced, feeling him pull out, and accepted his help sitting up. Holding your boyfriend close by the shirt, you nudged his nose with yours and looked up to his sad dejected eyes.

‘I know, Bae,’ your voice sounded as uplifting as you could manage. ‘I will find a way to come see you on tour in the next couple of months, I promise.’

Baekhyun was about to say something else if not for the sudden ring of his phone that made both of you snap out of your tiny little world.

‘Dang, I bet it’s Yeol. Pick up!’ You pushed your boyfriend towards the phone and eased down from the table, grabbing the tissues to clean up quickly.

‘Yes,’ Baekhyun responded.

‘Are you two fucking?!’ Your nose scrunched up at Chanyeol’s vulgar shout.

‘Yes?’ At this you paused and smacked Baekhyun’s pec for the shameless (yet truthful) response. ‘Whoa- feisty. Chanyeol-ah, better hang up before you hear her- Ow!’ He raised an arm to defend himself from your playful hits.

‘You realize that if you do not come down in ten you’re most likely missing the flight?’ You heard Chanyeol reply after a frustrated sigh.

‘Not a problem for m-’ Baekhyun was interrupted by your yell.

‘We’re gonna be down in ten, please check the fastest routes to the airport, Yeolie!’

You ran out of the kitchen barely catching Baekhyun’s grumbling as he repeated after you.

‘Yeolie. Why the hell does she even call you that. It’s not like you- What? Shut up, you bastard!’

You smiled to yourself. At least his friends knew how and when to mess with him. If you weren’t there… They got him. He'd be okay. And with that you were happy for now.

A/N:This piece was my reintroduction to writing, and I’d love to hear any type of comments you have^^  Thank you guys for all the interaction and amazing responses so far, I cherish each and every one of them. You're the best <3

[earliebirb]

nosedive

steve/tony, fluff, (newly) established relationship, 3250 words

Tony stares absentmindedly out the airplane window as he puts his phone up to his ear, watching people run back and forth, performing last-minute engine checks. Some of the guys look sweaty and out of breath.

From the comfort of the air-conditioned Stark Industries private jet, he feels a slight twinge of sympathy for the people having to suffer in the humid summer heat.

He loosens his tie and sinks deeply into his seat, closing his eyes with a massive yawn as he listens to the ringing tone. He hadn’t been able to sleep very well throughout his five-day stay in Tokyo, too anxious about the contract to rest properly. 

The ringing tone goes on for a few more seconds before ending with a click, replaced by an achingly familiar voice greeting him in his ear. 

“Hello?” 

Tony’s eyes spring open. Outside, an aircraft marshaller walks by, speaking rapidly into his walkie-talkie.

“I had a blueberry muffin for lunch today. One single blueberry muffin.”

“...What?”

“It didn’t even taste that good. I couldn’t finish it. Too dry.”

“Tony, that’s not good. Is that all you had for lunch? You should really eat—”

“The meeting went well, by the way. Mr. Watanabe finally signed the contract, everything went as planned. My ride to the airport, however…”

“I told you things would go smoothly, you had nothing to worry about. You’re a brilliant negotiator—”

“The traffic? Fuck. I had to keep shifting in my seat to avoid pins and needles.”

“That sounds awful, are your legs okay—”

“Did you know that Tokyo is number nineteen on the list of cities with the worst traffic congestion in the world? I know that, because I looked it up on the way to the airport. But boy, did it feel like it deserved the number one spot. I think I lost feeling in my ass.”

“I did not know that. And, uh, is your ass okay—”

“Thank God for my private jet. These plush seats are the best things I’ve ever spent my money on.”

“That’s objectively not true, and you know it—”

“Then again, I think these seats in particular were Pepper’s choice? We remodeled the airplane’s interior like… two years ago. I couldn’t be bothered to meet with the airplane seat people and I just told her to pick whichever looked best. I had much more important things to tend to, like sewing up the holes in JARVIS’s Christmas stocking.”

“I am concerned about how you sort your list of priorities—”

“Hm, that’s right. I think it was around two, three weeks before Christmas and I didn’t want JARVIS to be upset about the whole stocking thing, you know?”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have—”

“Also, you’re right, the single blueberry muffin was a bad idea because now my stomach won’t shut up. So I’ve ordered some pasta for my in-flight meal. Robbie’s making it, you’ve met Robbie—”

“I’ve met Robbie, yes, he’s—”

“Larry’s replacement after he resigned. Gotta say, I was sad to see Larry go. Guy worked for me for seven years. But then there was that thing with his grandma, and he had to leave, so… But! Robbie makes a mean carbonara, maybe even better than Larry, don’t tell Larry I said that—”

“I don’t even know Larry like that, how would I—”

“Mr. Stark, we’re ready to go.” The pilot—Paul—emerges from the cockpit, staring at him in anticipation.

Tony nods and makes a few rapid gestures with his free hand that he supposes Paul is only able to interpret perfectly after years and years of working for Tony. The gestures roughly translate to something like “Copy, I hear you, just let me wrap this up and then I’ll let you know when I’m done. Capiche?”

Paul—bless him—just gives him a curt nod and retreats back into the cockpit. 

“Anyway,” Tony takes a deep breath and puffs his cheeks out with the exertion of his exhale, “I called because… I got a feeling, Steve.”

“A… feeling?”

“Just— A gut feeling. A feeling in your gut. Inside of me. Like a hunch?”

“Okay,” Steve says patiently, his voice low and warm, “what are you feeling?”

“I… got a bad feeling. Today. A few hours ago. The feeling came to me when I was sitting in traffic, and I just— I feel like something bad’s gonna happen today, Steve. I can feel it in the air. In my heart. In my gut. In my joints.”

“Your joints? Like… the feeling old people get when it’s about to rain?”

“Okay, maybe not in my joints. Also, are you calling me old, grandpa?”

“I did not, you told me you felt something in your—”

“Anyway, so yeah. Where was I? Oh, right. Feeling. Bad feeling. Like, like, I don’t know, something bad’s gonna happen. Like an accident. Like a plane crash.”

“God, please don’t say that. You’re scaring me, Tony.”

“And I guess, I just called because I… I feel like I need to do this before the plane crashes and I die a violent and fiery death.”

“Nothing bad’s going to happen, Tony—”

“Like, if I didn’t do this today, maybe I’d never get to do it, you know? And, uh, okay, I’ve honestly been ranting to stall for time, but the longer I keep it in the more nauseous I feel, so maybe I’m just gonna do it now so I can die in peace—”

“Do what? And stop saying that—”

“Look, I’m trying to be brave and honest here and— Wait, actually? Maybe I’m being a coward because if the plane actually does go down, I won’t have to face the consequences of my actions, so I guess I’m just going to say fuck it, and say that I love you.”

“The plane is not going to— Wait, what?”

“I, uh. Love you. I’ve known it for a while now. And, uh, I know we’ve only been dating for like, a week, but—” Tony blinks. They’ve only been dating for a week. 

“...Fuck.” Tony can feel his own pulse starting to race. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Tony?”

They’ve only been dating for a week. What is he doing? What the hell is wrong with him? Normal people don’t do this. 

“Fuck. Shit, I mean— Uh, I’m sorry. That was super weird, huh?” Tony laughs nervously. He closes his eyes, gritting his teeth and cursing his stupid brain. Of course it’s weird. He always gets too attached to people way too quickly. No wonder Pepper was his only long term relationship. She was the only person who could put up with him—everyone else just got weirded out. “Uh, see you tomorrow? Or not. Fuck, sorry, I’m just gonna hang up before this gets—”

“Tony, wait.”

“...Yeah?” Tony says, hyper-aware of how breathless he sounds. His heartbeat is ringing in his ears. Everything is going to be fine. Right? Right. The worst thing Steve could do is… break up with him.

Oh, God, that is the worst case scenario. He really should’ve just kept his stupid mouth shut. 

“Tony, are you freaking out? I feel like I can hear you freaking out from all the way over here.”

“No, I’m not, of course I’m not. Who says I’m freaking out? You have no proof. I am calm, I’m calm as a clam, is that the saying? Did I get it right? Or was it happy— Anyway, I am absolutely calm, I’m the calmest I could possibly be. Any calmer and I’d be asleep. I’m—”

“Tony. Breathe.”

Tony forces himself to drag in a slow breath as he grips the arm of his seat with his free hand, focusing on the soothing hum of the airplane’s engine.

“Look, Tony, I—”

“No, listen. I’m sorry I jumped the gun, I hope I haven’t weirded you out or anything. You really, really don’t have to say it back to me. I mean it.”

“Tony—”

“No, in fact— Please don’t say anything. It’s fine. Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay?”

“But—”

“Drop it, Steve. Please?” Tony pleads. Clearly, his brain hadn’t been firing on all cylinders. That is the only reason that could explain his temporary lapse of judgment. “Look, I feel like talking about it more right now is going to send me spiraling into a panic attack.”

“...Okay. Fine.”

“Thank you. Uh, I’ll see you when I get home. If I get home. If the plane doesn’t crash. Haha.”

“Would you please stop saying that? It’s not funny.”

Tony latches onto the change in topic like a lifeline. “It is objectively true, you know. In order for me to be able to see you tomorrow, the plane has to land safely, and unfortunately, some things are just beyond my control. Like, who’s to say the plane won’t explode mid-air and—”

“The plane is going to land safely and you’re going to come back home to me in one piece. This is non-negotiable, Tony. You hear me?” Steve demands, his voice all hard authority and no-nonsense, like there will be Consequences should Tony fail to comply. 

As if he could ensure Tony’s safety with the force of his willpower alone. 

Come back home to me. 

That sounds good. Really good. Tony closes his eyes and pictures Steve’s baby blues in his mind’s eye. Warmth flowers in his chest.

“I hear you.”

“Great.”

“Awesome. I, uh, I gotta go now.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

Tony hangs up and lets Paul know that he is done with his phone call. The jittery feeling left over from his call with Steve refuses to leave him, however, so he pulls up the drawing application on his phone and begins sketching something just to give his brain something else to fixate on.

He tends to lose track of time when he is hyperfocused on a project, so he isn’t exactly surprised that the next time he becomes aware of his surroundings, the plane is already well up in the air, his sketch of what looks like a flying coffee pot is almost finished, and Robbie is placing a plate of spaghetti carbonara on the table in front of him. 

“Spaghetti carbonara. With extra cheese.”

Tony’s mouth waters as he eyes the mountain of grated Pecorino Romano sitting atop the pasta. He sighs dreamily and smiles up at Robbie.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“Enjoy, Boss.” Robbie grins and slips back into the kitchen.

He only realizes just how truly famished he is after taking his first bite, and proceeds to finish the rest of his meal with gusto. Afterward, he spends the majority of the remaining flight time sleeping, the result of post-carbonara food coma and his sleep-deprivation finally catching up to him. 

It’s well past two in the morning when Tony finally makes it to his floor in the Tower, which is why he is surprised to see Steve sitting on his couch, one of Tony’s fantasy novels open in hand. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?”

Steve’s head snaps up at the sound of his voice. Tony frowns. “Actually, why are you awake at all?” He is usually an early sleeper, unless—

“Nightmare?” Tony gives him a sympathetic smile. It wouldn’t be the first time. In the early days of their friendship, Tony and Steve would sit together in the living room whenever they had trouble sleeping, talking to each other until the sun came up.

Steve shakes his head, closing the book with his eyes still trained on Tony. “No, I was just… waiting for you.” Tony blinks. 

“It’s…” Tony glances at his watch. “Half past two. In the morning.”

“I know, I just…” Steve stands up, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. He ambles over before coming to a stop right in front of Tony. “I wanted to see you.”

Tony stares at him uncomprehendingly. “You’ll see me later anyway.”

“I couldn’t wait any longer. I didn’t want to go to sleep without seeing you first,” Steve says, low and earnest. His gaze wanders around Tony’s face, as if he were cataloguing each and every facial feature and trying to locate any changes he might’ve missed during his absence.

“Oh.”

Steve steps closer, arms snaking around Tony’s waist and pulling him close. His next words are whispered against Tony’s shoulder.

“I knew you’d make it home safely.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“You were wrong.”

“I was… wrong.” Tony swallows. “Uh, turns out the bad feeling completely disappeared after I woke up from my nap on the plane, so I suspect that perhaps the bad feeling I got was due to my severe hunger and sleep deprivation. I mean, I’ve heard about hallucinations caused by hunger or exhaustion, but this was—” 

Steve presses a soft kiss to the column of Tony’s neck, effectively cutting off Tony’s ramblings.

“Tony,” Steve whispers against his skin.

“Yeah?” Tony squeaks.

“Please don’t call me before a flight and say that you think the plane is going to crash, ever again.”

“Right. Noted. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Steve says, pulling away slightly and loosening his hold around Tony.

Tony allows himself to relax, letting out a quiet sigh. This thing with Steve is so new and delicate that every single physical contact still sends his heart fluttering, butterflies going crazy in his stomach.

Which makes, in retrospect, his abrupt love confession—as truthful as it was—that much more insane. God, Stark. Never do that again.

Except, it turns out that Steve only pulled away to slide his hands down the back of Tony’s thighs, wrapping his hands around them, and then lifting him up without warning.

Tony yelps, and in his alarm, promptly locks his ankles around Steve’s waist. When Steve begins moving, Tony quickly wraps his arms around Steve, resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder.

“Uh, Steve?”

“Hm?” Steve says, calm and nonchalant, as he begins walking away from the elevator. 

“Um— Wait— My suitcase—”

“Leave it. It’ll still be there in the morning.”

Tony blinks, staring dumbfoundedly at his lonely suitcase, abandoned by the elevator. It becomes smaller and smaller with every step Steve takes. 

“Where are we going?”

“Your bedroom.”

“Why are you carrying me there?”

“Because I want to.”

“You know it’ll be faster if you just let me walk, right?”

“Maybe. But you won’t be in my arms.”

“Um.”

“Bear with me, will you? I missed you.”

“I, uh, missed you too.”

Steve hums, satisfied. Tony lets himself settle more comfortably in Steve’s arms.

When Steve has successfully carried him to his bedroom, Tony fully expects Steve to deposit him on the bed. 

That is not, in fact, what happens. 

Instead, Steve turns around and begins walking backwards towards the bed before sitting down on it. Tony, still seated on his lap, swallows and pulls back slightly to look at Steve. 

“Look, Steve, as much as I’ve missed you, I’m kind of tired right now. I mean, don’t get me wrong. This whole carrying thing? Great. Very romantic. Ten out of ten. But I’m just not in the mood for sex, you know? Like, I’m not even sure I would be able to get it up if—”

“We’re not going to have sex.”

Tony blinks.

“We’re not?”

“We’re not. I’m just here to tuck you in.”

“Oh.”

Steve reaches up and begins undoing his tie. After setting it aside on the bed, he begins to unbutton Tony’s shirt. He takes his time, one button at a time.

“So…” Steve begins with a deep breath as he unbuttons the final button. “Did you mean, uh, what you said to me? On the phone?”

Tony closes his eyes, feels his own cheeks heating up. “Steve—”

“I’m sorry, Tony, I know you told me to drop it. But— I feel like if you did mean what you said, I owe it to you to… set the records straight.” When Tony opens his eyes again, Steve is looking up at him, blue eyes solemn.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… We have only been together for a week. Well, eight days. In fact, we’ve only been on one date. And it was interrupted. By giant lizards.” Steve chuckles incredulously. 

Tony remembers that day very well. They were in the middle of dessert at Tony’s favorite Italian place when they received the call to assemble—something about giant lizards wreaking havoc in Central Park.

The lizards had green, gunky blood that got into the nooks and crannies of the suit. It had taken forever to clean.

“But Tony…” Steve gathers the material of Tony’s unbuttoned shirt in both of his fists, pulling him closer until their noses are only inches apart.

The second their eyes meet, Steve smiles the sweet, lopsided smile that never fails to make Tony’s stomach flip.

“I need you to know that… I didn’t have to date you to know that I loved you. I figured that a long time ago.”

Tony stills, breath frozen in his lungs.

“I guess, what I’m saying is… I love you too. I’ve loved you for a very long time, Tony. Even way before—” Steve breaks eye contact, looks down as he clears his throat. When he speaks again, his voice is tight. “Way before we got together. I’m talking… years before.”

Tony still finds it hard to breathe. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, the word more breath than sound. He meets Tony’s dazed gaze. “So you don’t have to worry about… jumping the gun. Not with me. I’m in it for the long haul.”

“...Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Tony feels a lightness growing inside of him, spreading outwards to his extremities.

“Good.” Steve smiles, warm and impossibly fond.

“...Glad we’re on the same page.” Tony’s gaze drops down to Steve’s lips.

“We are.” Steve inches closer, nose brushing Tony’s. He then tilts his head ever so slightly and takes Tony’s lower lip between his, kissing him so tenderly Tony’s heart feels like it’s about to burst with it.

Steve’s warm hands slide up Tony’s naked back under his open shirt, sending goosebumps breaking across his skin. Tony buries his hands in Steve’s hair and relishes the feeling of the soft strands caught between his fingers. They stay caught up in each other for a few moments, capturing and releasing each other’s lips until the need for breath becomes too unbearable.

They break apart eventually, accompanied by soft chuckles. Steve smiles up at him, lips slick and cherry red, courtesy of Tony. He reaches up to caress Tony’s right eyebrow with the pad of his thumb, fleeting and affectionate.

“Get some rest, okay? You must be really tired. I should probably go to bed, too.”

Tony looks down at his lap, clearing his throat. “Uh, I know that we haven’t done this before, but…”

Steve waits patiently for Tony to gather his thoughts, hands stroking up and down Tony’s sides.

“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” Tony finds the courage to meet Steve’s eyes, holding his breath.

Steve’s blue eyes are gazing at him intently, looking at him like he’s the only person in the world worth his sole, undivided attention.

Tony swallows. “No sex. Just to sleep. If you—”

“Yes.”

“Yeah?”

“I would like that very much.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Tony feels his own lips slowly curve up into a smile, wide and unbridled. 

“Good.” Steve nods, lips twitching, his eyes never leaving Tony’s. 

Tony grins, feeling near giddy with delight. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

“We are, sweetheart.” Steve looks up at him, blue eyes fond and smile radiant. “We definitely are.”