#what branch is this? social psychology

[necromancer-at-abattoir]

I honest-to-god want to set up two similar, open-question and open-structure interviews with Rick Riordan, one with a girly WOC and another with a straight cis white man to study the results of both.

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

When you have to take off your socks to change into clean socks and your bare feet touch the floor for exactly fifteen seconds and the dry, smooth sensation makes you want to chop your toes off

[tinfoil-jones]

Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 3

Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.

Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications

Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here

First - Prev - Next

CH.3

RING 

RING

CLICK

“Hello, Fiddleford Hadron McGucket speaking-”

“Fiddleford you did your minor in Neuropsychology, didn't you? As in, the psychology branch that specializes in memory?”

"....Why hello to you too, Stanford Pines. How are you? Fine? I’m also doing fine. I’m pleased as punch that you finally learned some social etiquette in the two years since we've spoken to each other.”

“My apologies, Fiddleford. There’s an urgent matter at hand, and it’s out of my depth.”

“Well butter me up and call me a biscuit; you, admitting something is out of your depth? You’ve got my attention. Yes, I minor’d in Neuropsych, whatever would you need that for?”

“I need your help with a memory crisis in Gravity Falls... I can't explain it over the phone, I need to show this to you.”

“You're killing me Stanford... But I'll be down in a day or two.”

“I’m going to warn you in advance; this is going to be an... odd case I'm going to show you.”

“I may not be in the field of cryptozoology, but I’ve seen some things, Stanford. Whatever it is I'm sure I'll understand.

---

"There's nothing about this that I understand nor condone."

"Hey PhD, who's the white coat? Didn't think you could be friends with such a babe."

*Ford presses the mute button on the cell*

“Mighty forward, that one. Is this another shifter?”

"He isn't a shapeshifter or a clone; this is my twin brother, Stanley."

“You never mentioned-.”

“We had a falling out, but that's not important right now. What is important is that he doesn't remember his past- he doesn't remember me, our family, none of it. It's like his slate has been wiped clean, and all he knows is how to be a grifting malefactor.”

"So you... convinced him to go into a containment cell in your lab?"

“Convince is… certainly a word.”

“What did you do?”

"He needed treatment and evaluation, but he was being difficult; I did what I had to do."

"Stanford, brother or not you are holding this man here against his will. This is illegal and unethical. What if he reports you to the authorities for kidnapping?"

"My brother would sooner chew up and swallow a gold chain before he went to the authorities for anything. Once I find a way to jog his memory, he won't have a reason to report me."

“And you want me to be an accessory to your crimes?”

“Think of it as a project. You can study the psyche of someone with amnesia in real time.”

“Stanford. I majored in engineering.”

“Don’t you want your Neuropsychology minor to become another major? It’s about time you got your double-doctorate.”

“...I will help you.”

“Than-.”

“On the condition that you treat your… brother, as humanely as possible given the circumstances” 

“Fiddleford, what do you take me for? Some kind of monster?”

“You are holding someone captive in your basement.”

To be continued...

[hopplessilse]

Fetish II. Eyes don´t lie

Teacher!joel x f!student 18+ explicit minors dni

Serie masterlist

Summary: Mr. Miller gives you more attention than ever, you are his priority, you want to become his favorite student, so a visit to his office doesn't hurt anyone, you just want him to help you solve the topic of your thesis.

Word count: 9.5 k

Warnings: Teacher-student, age gab (reader in her early 20's, joel in his late 40's) pet names, sexual fantasies, flirtation, slow burn (not so slow), Feeling of guilt, Mention and consumption of alcohol, hangover, Mention on teacher/student relationship, Swallowing medicine pills, Mention of vomiting (nothing explicit), Professor Miller's Aftercare, they are both two consenting adults, fear of being found out.

Friday.

"Good day, students. Today we're going to talk about two branches of anthropology that are very important for understanding human nature: physiological anthropology and pragmatic anthropology," Joel said, walking in front of the class and writing the title on the board.

It was a fact that that crush was now an obsession, you didn't know how to get Joel out of your head, you couldn't help but romanticize every single thing he did or said, you beat yourself up mentally for sexualizing him, but it was kind of impossible to stop when the clothes he wore fit him ridiculously well, it was impossible for him to look attractive with everything. The vest he wore over his white shirt was ridiculously hot, you never imagined him with a vest and now, you can't get the image out of your head.

"First of all, physiological anthropology" He paused, looking at everyone in the room

"Physiological anthropology is the branch of anthropology that studies the biological dimension of the human being. It deals with the physical and psychological characteristics that are common to all human beings, regardless of their culture or era"

You could feel your body present, but your head was somewhere else, thinking about so many things that have nothing to do with matter

"Some of the topics that physiological anthropology studies are:

|Human Anatomy

|Human Physiology

|Human Psychology

|Human Evolution"

His gaze passed over your seat, several times, but you didn't realize it because you were so gone that you didn't know what he was talking about, you only saw his lips move, the pen around his fingers as he wrote on the blackboard what you assumed were subtopics, the truth is that you don't even know.

From Joel's perspective he assumed you were paying attention, as you saw him with furrowed brows and followed his steps, but the moment he stared at you, saw how your eyes were gone, he could perceive that you were not quite present in the class.

"Physiological anthropology helps us understand how the human body works, how we think and feel, and how we have evolved as a species" He finally says, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose, arms crossed as he walks back in front of the class, looking at everyone as he continues to explain.

"Now Pragmatic Anthropology is the branch of anthropology that studies the cultural dimension of the human being. It deals with human characteristics that are a product of culture, such as values, beliefs, customs, and social norms.

Some of the topics that pragmatic anthropology studies are:

|Culture

|The Society

|Education

|Religion

|The Art

Pragmatic anthropology helps us understand how human society is constructed, how values and beliefs are transmitted, and how emotions and feelings are expressed" He paused, took a breath, and asked, looking at the whole class

"Could any of you tell me what's the difference between the two?" he look at the blackboard and look at them again, some whispered some answers but with the fear of making a mistake they said nothing.

"Miss" he said your last name 1 time, you didn't listen, you just saw that his eyes were glued to you, he named you for the second time and your friend nudged you. At that moment you felt your body for the first time since he entered the room, a shiver ran down your spine, while you saw your friend.

She just made a gesture to you with her eyes open, you know she scolded you mentally. You looked back at Joel and he was arms crossed 'shit in that pose yes he looks bigger and stronger, concentrate' looking at you over his glasses, his lips were sealed and his expression was serious as he watched you, you could feel all the eyes on you waiting for your answer.

"Sorry?" You apologized by looking down and looking at him again "I didn't hear the question" You interlaced your fingers in your lap nervously as you mentally begged him not to humiliate you.

"i ask who knows the difference between the two topics we just talked about" He looked at you as he got closer so he could get a better look at you since you were in the third row, a little out of reach.

"I… I don't know," you said nervously, shaking your head softly

You saw him duck his head as a sarcastic laugh came from his lips, shaking his head, walking up the stairs, walking down the hallway that left him in front of you and looking into your eyes, you could see disappointment in them.

"Of course you don't know, you didn't pay attention to a single word that was said" he said seriously, his words hurt you, and more because everyone listened while looking at you

"if you are in my class it is to learn, I don't stand here every day so that the words go in one ear and out the other" this time he said to everyone, his voice sounding deeper as he walked away from you and down the stairs returning to the center

A silence covered the room for a few seconds when a squeaky female voice made itself present, you shrugged your shoulders as you felt your ears bleed at the sound of that voice.

"Go ahead, Miss Vince," this time Joel's voice sounded calmer and softer

"The main difference between physiological anthropology and pragmatic anthropology is that the first deals with human characteristics that are common to all human beings, while the second deals with human characteristics that are a product of culture"

"That's right, as clear as water" He looked at you and you just looked down at your lap where your cold hands were hiding.

"Physiological anthropology is more objective, as it is based on observation and experimentation. Pragmatic anthropology, on the other hand, is more subjective, as it is based on the interpretation of cultural phenomena" He said, going back to the blackboard and writing the key words on it.

You felt so small, you felt a lump in your throat, you felt an anger inside you, you tried to control your heavy breathing. You looked at your hands and you could see and feel the waterline in your eyes fill with tears, you didn't want to cry, not in front of them, not in front of him, you didn't want him to see the power he had over you. You took a deep breath, wiping your eyes quickly, as you looked straight ahead and made a note in your notebook.

"In conclusion, physiological anthropology and pragmatic anthropology are two fundamental branches of anthropology since they help us to understand human nature in all its complexity, both in its biological dimension and in its cultural dimension"

The rest of the class went on normally, you just didn't look at him, you just listened and looked at the blackboard to make notes of what he wrote. You were quiet for the rest of the class, even when roll call you just raised your hand, at the end he just let them read a file that he would send them.

You left the room without even looking at him and hurried out. It was 6:30 a.m., with Mr. Miller's class being the last. Even though you had an appointment with the student counselor, that's why you had to run since she was leaving early.

"Where are you going?" shouted your friend seeing you hurrying down the hallway

"I have to catch up with ava, I need to talk to her" you yelled back saying goodbye with your hand in the air and disappearing around the corner.

Being true you wanted to get out of that room as soon as possible, you couldn't stand the presence of everyone around you, let alone his presence, you really felt hurt, you knew he was right, you weren't paying attention, but it wasn't necessary for him to talk to you in that hurtful tone, it was the first time you saw him angry, And you're the reason.

Your high heels echoed off the shiny floor of the school as you walked down the stairs, walked a few doors along the hallway into one that said 'teachers' office'. Past the doors you could see a long corridor that led you into the offices, several Victorian-style windows and within the space were scattered the offices of each director of the school.

You walked to the right where the office of ava, the student counselor, a beautiful lady who had been working at the university for 10 years. You knocked a couple of times on the wooden door and from inside you heard 'come in'.

You walked in closing the door behind you and when you met her gaze you gave her a smile.

"Hello" she said your name "Good afternoon, how are you?" she said in an enthusiastic voice, whenever you saw her she looked happy, you didn't know how she could be in a good mood being locked in those 4 walls.

"hi, Well thank you, how are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine honey, tell me what brings you here," she said, adjusting her glasses and leaving some sheets beside her.

You sat in the chair in front of her desk and left your backpack on the floor

"Well… I wanted to talk to you about my thesis topic"

"Okay… How can I help you?"she crossed her hands in front of her at the desk.

"I thought maybe you could… Or well, I know you studied psychology, right?"

"That's right," she nodded, taking a sip of her coffee

"Well, my thesis talks about transpersonal anthropology, and I know there's a topic in psychology about that, and I wanted to know if you could give me some important points about that, or your knowledge in it," you said kindly giving her a smile

"Of course honey, it's just a long topic and I have to run home, so how about Monday you come and we talk about it."

"Sounds great"

"How about 2 p.m.?"

"Yes, I'm free at that time"

"Perfect" A knock interrupted your talk, Ava gave way and a head peeked out of the door

"I'm sorry to interrupt Ava, but Professor Miller came looking for you a while ago and asked me if you could stop by his office for a moment before you left"

"Of course, thank you for letting me know" they closed the door and you and Ava got up from their chairs "What subject does Professor Miller give you?" she said as she took her things and put them in her bag

"Mmh philosophical anthropology" you bent down taking your backpack and passing it over your shoulder

"It would be very good for you to talk to him about your thesis, He knows more than I do because he reads a lot about the different branches of anthropology."

"Amm I hadn't thought of it" you said showing a forced smile as you followed her to the door, she opened and gave you space to go after her, she locked the door and looked at you

"Come with me, we'll tell Professor Miller if he knows about it" she said as she walked past you, you stood with the word in your mouth

"Amm… No.. I don't think he have time" You couldn't help but get nervous as you walked down the hallway to his office, this being one of the last at the end of the hallway

"Of course he has time, he's gone until 8," she said as she greeted the teachers who passed by you. "I love his office, it has a beautiful view of the forest behind campus" she look at you over her shoulder before knocking twice on the wooden door that said in black letters on the glass 'Mr. Miller'

"Come in," a deep voice rang out, sounded from inside through the door.

Ava came in first greeting Joel kindly. You stayed outside, you took a deep breath before peeking out of the doorway, making Joel aware of your presence, making the smile on her face slowly disappear as you entered and closed the door behind you, staying leaning into it looking at both of them.

Your breathing quickened a little more as your eyes met, you didn't want to be there, you didn't want to see him and you guess he didn't want to see you either. You looked at Ava and smiled nervously at her, clasping your hands behind you.

"We hope we don't interrupt Professor Miller" said Ava standing in front of his desk

"Not at all Ava, Amm" he look at you and look back at her "I wanted to tell you about the student outing that will be done at the end of the month" he said playing with the pen he had in his hands

"Of course of course, we must change some details about that...amm I have the itinerary in digital, If you want, I can send it to you and talk about it on Monday."

"Of course that would be wonderful" he nodded quickly and took a deep breath seeing the two of you with a tight smile on his lips

"Oh it's true haha" she walked over to you and took you by the shoulder approaching you to the desk, making you being closer right in front of him, she said your name "wanted to ask you if you have any knowledge about transpersonal psychology, It's for her thesis on transpersonal anthropology"

God, she looks like your mom speaking for you.

"I have knowledge on both subjects," he said, looking at her and not you.

"Perfect, I told you he knew," she said smiling at you and you just smiled back "Can she stay so you can explain a little about the subject?"

Your eyes widened looking at her "I don't think Professor Miller has time for that" you said laughing nervously, shaking your head.

"Well… I'll stay a few more hours, so I have time," he said looking at you, this time his voice sounded deeper

You stared at him for a moment swallowing, felt your ears rumble.

"You see, Professor Miller is always there to attend to his students, see you on Monday Mr. Miller" Ava said goodbye as she made her way to the door, Joel said goodbye, and you only felt the air from the door blow behind you, feeling Joel's presence heavier than ever.

"Take a seat" he said, pointing with his hand to the chair in front of him

You sat down leaving your things aside, you breathed deeply. You watched the room as he got up and picked up some papers on the shelf in the corner.

His office really was big for a simple professor. There were two large windows behind his desk, the ceiling was twice as high as the rest of the school, there was a brown leather armchair at the other end of the room, a coffee table in front of it and a warm light lamp on one side of the armchair. Several bookshelves adorned the walls, some paintings and recognitions.

His desk was kept simple, a laptop, papers on one end and a few books on the other end, his glasses were kept on one side of his case while a coffee cup was kept empty on the other side of the laptop. His office was kept lit by a few warm lamps that he had around the office. The little light of the cloudy afternoon came in through the windows, which were kept open letting the cold breeze into the cozy cube.

Your teeth gnashed from the cold coming in, as the afternoon was cold at this time of year. You were dressed in jeans, your top being a white long-sleeved shirt but a little open at the chest, revealing your collarbones and your locket hanging from your neck.

Joel walked back to the desk, leaving some papers on the side of the laptop.

"Okay" sat down in front of you as he leaned back in the chair and let out a heavy exhale from his lips "Tell me you'd like to know" his lips moved as he rested his right arm on the armrest of his desk chair and rested his thumb under his jaw, index and middle finger on the hundred and the others rolled into his palm.

You couldn't breathe properly, it was hard to inhale and exhale slowly. It makes you feel strange to be in his office alone, like those old days, you were only in the same situation once, but it was for no seconds, now it was different, because it was you and only you who was with him, without people to take his attention away from you.

"Well…" You breathed as you watched as he swallowed and his Adam's apple went down and up, while his gaze stayed on you, serious. "I have an initial basis for my thesis, the introduction, which is transpersonal anthropology and psychological anthropology, but… I wanted to talk about both fields but it's a bit impossible since it's too much of both subjects"

"It's not impossible if you're talking about topics that are intertwined between the transpersonal and the psychological, you would have to investigate if any research of this type has already been done, so you can have some sustenance or support"

You were about to speak when he interrupted you

"And why don't you focus on a specific topic about transpersonal anthropology?

"Because I'm still interested in psychology, and I think it's something that can go hand in hand with the transpersonal in the social area" you said, clapping your palms in your lap, while smiling at him with sealed lips.

He smiled at you, nodding.

"Can I see your research preview? If it doesn't bother you"

"Sure," you took out your cell phone and opened the file. You held it out to him, he reached out and took it in his hands, making your phone look small in his hand.

He looked at the screen as his hand reached out to grab the glasses that were next to him and put them on, you looked at him and you could see the reflection of your cell phone in his glasses as he rested his elbows on the wood of the desk.

You watched as he wagged his finger up on the screen, you could see through his glasses as his eyes moved following the letters on the screen. You could hear his breathing, which honestly bothered you a little bit when people breathed too hard, ugh you couldn't stand that but… Being him was fine. You moved your foot impatiently and nervously, something Mr. Miller could notice.

"Do you want coffee?" he said as he looked at you through his glasses, and the fine lines on his forehead were present.

"n.. no, I'm fine," you let out a small nervous laugh. He only nodded, smiling slightly and looking back at the screen.

"Don't be nervous then" echoed in your ears along with his hoarse tone of voice, that tone you longed to hear close to your ear, that delirious.

"I'm not nervous, just impatient" you said looking at your heels while keeping your hands crossed in front of your chest.

You saw how he put his arm down and put your phone on the desk and slid it towards you. You watched your cell phone rest on the wood with the screen on, you saw the small black letters that were written on that screen, and you could see that he had read to the end of the document.

"I think it's okay," you looked up and saw that he had crossed his arms while he saw you still with his glasses on.

"Just okay?" you looked at him incredulously and frowned.

"What do you want me to say? It's only 3 leaves," he said seriously, without taking his eyes off you.

"Won't you tell me that I need to expand the introduction further? check my spelling mistakes, that I need to paraphrase the texts well"

He bit his lip and denied

"No, I think you have everything under control" You stared at him in silence "did you expect me to tell you something else?" he said raising an eyebrow

"A little yeah... you used to correct me only by the index of work" you said quietly, looking at your heels.

You heard how a little laugh sounded from his chest, you looked up and he smiled at you, you saw in his eyes such a beautiful sparkle.

"You're so cute" Your chest would explode if he told you that

"Well, if you put index inside it… It's very obvious that it's wrong, sweetheart"

Shit, did he… Did he actually call me sweetheart?

"Sorry..." you said in a whisper

"You don't have to say sorry, it's okay," he said, looking down at his arms.

"I'm sorry to expect a lot from you always"

He looked up in eye contact, and you saw his face turn into surprise and confusion at your confession.

"What do you mean?" This time he lower his arms so he can get closer to the desk and be close to you, with the wood being the only thing separating you both.

You sighed as you saw his confused expression. You should be honest with him, let him know how you feel about him as your teacher.

"Honestly…"You paused to breathe "You are my favorite teacher, from the first day you taught us I saw the passion you had, how much you like to help your students… and I.. I just want to be as good as you."

You looked at him in silence as he processed what you said

"You are very smart and you know about everything, I wish I was good at everything and that it was easy, that I could know the subject easily" you sighed heavily "I know you expect a lot from me, and I'm sorry I didn't pay attention in class today, I know you put effort into your work and I know you want us to learn as much as possible, I really shouldn't have lost focus"

He didn't need to know all that, but you were frustrated by his class, and you felt like he wasn't evaluating you properly because of your attitude. He was silent for a few more seconds, maybe you had sounded pathetic when you said all that… Was it too much to say?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound pathetic"

"Don't apologize please" You looked at him and he was already looking at you. "It's nice that you tell me that I'm your role model, I know you're an amazing student, i can see that you're determined to get what you want, you're responsible, you have ethics, that says a lot about the person you are" he smiled at you "and the class… Don't worry, I know I'm not always going to get 100% attention, and I shouldn't have talked to you like that in front of everyone, I apologize for that." You could see the regret in his eyes

"Thank you" you nodded and gave him a half-smile, he smiled back nodding

"and just to be clear… You're also my favorite student" a mischievous smile appeared on his lips as his eyes narrowed.

You gawked at him as you watched as he stood up, grabbed his cup, and walked to the coffee maker behind him, with his back to you, a perfect view of his back.

"Really?" you couldn't help but sound happy and confused at the same time

"Yes," he said, still with his back turned

"Since when?" he was going to speak but you interrupted him "Is it because I said you're my favorite teacher?"

You heard him laugh and look at you over his shoulder. He fell silent looking at you and you just frowned, waiting for his answer eagerly.

He turned around and replied

"since the first time I saw you, last semester"

Your smile faded, your mouth dried up, you felt your hands turn cold.

Was it true? Or was he screwing you? For a moment you thought about that day… And was it impossible for you to remember everything, what he had seen in you that day? As far as you can remember, you were quiet the whole class, you only participated by telling him your name and some of your hobbies, but other than that… You don't remember saying anything interesting about the class. You wouldn't let curiosity kill you, so you bravely decided to ask him

"what did you see in me that day?" You leaned your elbow on the desk and your fist held your jaw as you stared at him.

He turned around with a blue mug in his hand walking to the desk, putting the cup in front of you. You looked at him confused.

"I didn't ask you for one"

while he went to the coffee maker taking his cup he replied

"take it, I don't accept a no"

You smiled, you looked at the coffee and saw that it was black.

"Amm I don't like black coffee"

He finished filling his cup. He walked silently to the side of the coffee maker and took a small piece of cardboard, walked with both hands full, left his cup in front of his chair and held out the cardboard, you took it and looked at the letters, 'vanilla flavored milk' it said on the front.

You smiled at him in appreciation. It was a bit odd that he had this in his office, as you always saw him drinking black coffee all over school, he didn't look like someone who drank lattes, and less vanilla flavored.

You filled your cup a little with the milk, closed it, and set it aside. While Joel was looking at the furniture full of books that sat at the other end of his desk, in front of these two pieces of furniture was a dark olive-green three-seater armchair, it was spacious.

You don't know how many times you'd admired how good he looked, it was ridiculous the space it has in your mind, the number of times you think how fine it looks.

You took the coffee, and left it on the desk when you saw Joel approaching you. Joel came back to you but this time with a book in hand, left it on the desk and sat down in his chair.

"This book could be useful for your research, and for you to learn a little more about anthropology"

You brought it closer to you' Transpersonal Anthropology. Society, Culture, Reality and Consciousness, DIEGO R. VIEGAS ́ you read on the cover of the book.

"You've given me a book before, remember?" you said, double-tapping the book.

"And?" he take from his coffee looking at you through his glasses

"Why do you give me another one?"

before answering you he taste the taste of coffee in his mouth, lick his lips and look at you.

"It's for my favorite student to learn and I don't go around scolding her in class"

You felt your cheeks burn, you looked down, but not before seeing how he smiled and crossed his arms.

Heck, he knows the effect that had on you.

You laughed, trying not to sound nervous. Was he making you nervous on purpose? Even though it was somewhat innocent the way he did it, but why call you his favorite student and give you 2 books from his bookshelf, you would never do that, your books are sacred to you, you would only recommend them and that's it, but give it to someone? You should appreciate that person so much to do such an act, even love him too much.

"You didn't answer my question," you said as you sipped from the cup, looking at him over the blue pottery

You saw how he smiled and shook his head. He scratched his beard, which was adorned by some gray hair on both sides of his jaw.

"I remember … You were at the front of the class, I thought you would be one of the ones who talked all the time, but you never participated, you just nodded to what your classmates were saying, and I thought 'what a weird girl, why being at the front when you don't participate' only heard your voice when you introduced yourself, and knowing what you liked to read… I liked you immediately, It made me tender to see you nod and take note, you are very calm, and you have a lot of knowledge, even if it is hard for you to believe it"

You didn't know that he had noticed you that way from the first day, he took the time to study you between classes, that he would be interested in you because of your taste in reading. It felt strange in any way that he would tell you that, it felt very… private, very personal. Some teachers would just say that because you were responsible and paying attention, they were satisfied with that, but not Joel, he saw something in you that you weren't sure was visible to you, it's like what you see in him.

You remembered the way he treated you, the warm, soft tone of voice in which he addressed you. The smile that appeared on his face when you approached his desk, how his eyes sought you when he asked them to participate, the attention he paid when you presented a topic in class. All the attention you felt you had at the beginning became less and less as the months went by, but whenever you sought him he was there for you. And now… You felt all the pressure on you.

"Well… I wasn't the only one who knew" you shook your head grimacing, you lowered your gaze and looked at your red nails "there were other colleagues who were more diligent"

"No one like you" you looked up shy to see a different reaction in their eyes. You swallowed and just denied it.

You had exactly one name on the tip of your tongue, a name that had been on your mind the previous semester, you were afraid to say it, to say it in front of it, but it's a perfect opportunity that you wouldn't pass up.

"Melissa" you finally said, you tried to sound as normal as possible.

You looked up and as you had imagined. His face changed, his eyes turned dark and his features hardened, he tried to disguise it with his tone when answering.

"What about her?" he leaned over the desk and intertwined his fingers on the desk.

"She was just like me… passionate about the same topics, but she did participate" you smiled nodding, pretending you liked her.

"Well," he paused and took a moment to think and blink as he looked at you, "I think… She was different from you… From what I saw in class, I don't think you should compare yourself to her"

You held his gaze when he finished speaking. You didn't know how he did it, but if you knew what really happened, you'd say he's good at lying.

"I'm not comparing myself, I'm just saying she could have been your favorite student too" You shrugged and took one last sip of the coffee in front of you.

"I don't usually go around thinking about who my next star student will be, but you'd be surprised to know that you're the first favorite student I have"

You laughed, shaking your head and covering your mouth with your palm as you laughed. On the move you caught him directing his eyes at your body, but it was in the blink of an eye.

"I must be special, I guess"

"You must be," he smiled at you, showing his teeth as he looked at you with a twinkle in his eye.

Sunday.

The smell of the night after it rained was something different, the breeze whipping through the curtains of your room, the sky full of gray clouds too big to cover the sky in its entirety. The street outside your house was silent, you could only hear the heavy air squealing out your window breaking through. You were lying on your bed, while it was being kept tidy you only had an old blanket on top of you, in fact it was from one of your favorite childhood movies, high school musical.

You had two pillows behind your head for extra support. Your eyes stayed focused on the show you were watching. For you, Sundays meant resting and not talking to anyone, there was something about Sundays that felt different from the other days of the week. Normally you didn't go out, you weren't a person who liked to go out all the time, your social battery drained very quickly if there were too many people.

As you ran your hand over the locket hanging from your neck, you remembered that first week of the previous semester, the way Joel noticed that you had changed your necklace.

"What happened to the previous one?" he said, his arms crossed as he leaned his hips against your desk.

"I put it away, don't you like this one?"

"It's very nice, you must keep something very precious inside"

"I don't put anything in it yet" you laughed slightly

"Well, when you do I want to know"

It was part of you, of your personality, it was attached to you by some invisible rope that you didn't know how to detect, the feeling, the power that made that necklace so special to you. It's like with Joel, you didn't know what force brought you closer to him, you didn't know what contained that human being who made your thoughts his, maybe you maintained a closeness that no teacher/student would have, but for you it was something innocent and vague, he was just doing his job helping you with your work.

The comment your friend had made to you ran through your mind over and over again 'no teacher would express himself like that about a student, let alone tell her that she is his favorite student, I doubt that any teacher in his life has had one'. You didn't want to think that he might have a little interest in you, because if you look at it from his point of view… What the hell could he see in you? You weren't mature or attractive enough to be with him, plus it's impossible to have any kind of relationship with him.

Things after Friday had been different, despite not seeing him for 1 day, you couldn't stop thinking about his gaze, how he smiled when he looked at you, the seriousness on his face when you named melisa. You really wanted it all to be a lie, you begged it wasn't the kind of teacher who sexually harasses his students until they get what they want. If you ever had a chance to be with him, you wanted to be the only one, you wanted to be special to him.

Even if you thought you were deluded because let's face it, he is an adult man, older by almost 26 years, he has a life made, he has stability, he is a mature person full of experiences, he is single, attractive, he can have any woman with him if he wants, so why settle for a 21-year-old girl who on top off that is his student who has damn mental and commitment problems, and in need of attention all the damn time.

Hell, you were so dam hard to yourself at times but you had to keep your feet on the ground. You were damn smart that you knew that if you got into the game it was going to be easy to get out of it, you shouldn't take it so seriously, you'd let everything flow in its wake.

You know he needs a woman, but you could give him what no one has done for him, you wanted to be his weakness so badly, you wanted him to beg you to be his… and you wanted to beg him to make you his again and again.

Your thoughts tormented you when you were alone, you couldn't help but think about different things at once, for you there was no such thing as the phrase "one crisis at a time" you worried about something that didn't happen yet or you didn't know if it was going to happen, and to top it all off, you thought if there was a solution when the only damn solution is to stop thinking about it.

Your brain was talking to you too much and that's why you overthought things. You were halfway through the series when your cell phone vibrated against the wooden surface of your desk next to your bed.

It was your friend who had sent a message. You grabbed your phone and lay back down. The screen of your phone lit up your face making your eyes narrow from the flash, you smiled as you read your friend's message.

You better be dressed up, I'll pick you up in 10 minutes, I don't take no for an answer

Does being in my pajamas work for you?

Don't fuck with me, let's go to a karaoke bar, I'll give you another 5 more minutes

You sighed when you read the last message.

You didn't know what to wear, you were thinking about a dress and a jacket but the day was very cool and you would probably freeze to death when you left your house. Your best bet was jeans that fit beautifully, black heeled boots that reached below the knee, and a black backless t-shirt and denim jacket.

As your friend promised, I'll arrive at the time she agreed for you. They arrived at the karaoke bar, which you had never been to, it was a good atmosphere, a central place with a lot of people. Inside was a place with blue, purple, yellow, and pink lights illuminating the place, and some warm lights so as not to overwhelm the view so much.

They were round tables, each one separate from the other, the stage was at the back of the place, it wasn't that deep, you could see the people from the entrance perfectly.There were 2 sections as one was karaoke and the other was a bar, but they were connected by the bar where you could turn around and see everyone on the other side.

Since the place was very popular, they had to enlarge the place, and some people who didn't enjoy being among the hustle and bustle so much went to the other end. There were people of all ages around. You walked inside the place and Katy Perry's roar song was playing all over the place.

Even if you didn't know how to sing well, people had fun, no one was judging, it was all laughter and shouting encouraging people to sing and dance.

They approached a table that was relatively in the center, and other girls they knew from college from another major were at the table. When you saw them you greeted each other happily, you took off your jacket and left it on the back of the chair, sat down and chatted for a moment before others got up to sing. You and your friend decided to go to the bar for drinks for all four of you.

"This place is sick" you said, looking around the place as you waited for drinks.

"I know, how come you've never come" she tapped her fingers on the dark wood

"You know I don't usually come this way"

"I'll have to get you out, you can find someone to have fun with"

"So you get them from here?" You said laughing mockingly

"Yes, but I get them from the other section"

They both turned to the front and saw a few men between 35 and forty-something, up to 50. You could see them coming in and out of the bar, many of them were looking at karaoke.

"So you're going to that section just for that?" You looked at her and she laughed slightly

"I use the bathroom too" you both laughed.

They returned to the table with the drinks. Time passed slowly, the atmosphere was so good that the four of them got carried away and drank a little more, but since you were not used to drinking your friends held it better than you without a doubt. You laughed, sang and danced like everyone else in the room.

You were so gone that you didn't know that one of your friends had put them on the list to go up and sing.

"It's going to be our turn" the redhead said, drinking from her glass.

"What for?" you said, wiping the drink residue from your lips.

"we´re gonna sing buddy!" the blonde said screaming as she got up from her seat.

If you had been in your 5 senses you would be nervous, dying of anxiety, resisting but since you were under the influence of alcohol, you stood up dancing. You didn't think of anything, you didn't rush for a moment, you decided it was your time, you felt good, it was in the air so, why not?

They were passing by the tables when they were called.

"The next group will sing, a round of applause for these beautiful ladies" Applause and some whistles were present when they took the stage.

..............................

"You guys said it would be a bar, not this place," Joel said as he wrinkled his nose.

"Come on men, this place is amazing"

"and let's not forget that you can find beauties here"

Joel had gone to the same karaoke/bar with his friends, they had been to that place many times, Joel let´s say he was not a fan of karaoke.

They came in and heard applause and whistles from the people. The place was a little more crowded when he arrived, they went to the bar next to the karaoke and sat on the closest stools they could find.

"We have a good view tonight," said one of his friends who, like him, was a teacher, only he was a medical teacher.

They ordered their drinks, and before they could start talking, the melody of a song began to play.

"It's not the one they dedicated to you, doctor," he said with a laugh as Joel joined in.

"At least I had a reaction from a woman, tell me what you got?" he laughed

"Two beautiful children" he looked into his eyes

"crikey" Joel said, drinking from the bottle

You and your friends started singing, and Joel still didn't realize that two girls on stage were his students.

"I told them I wouldn't have as much time in class since I'd be doing work somewhere else" the doctor said, sipping from his beer bottle.

"Then you won't teach at the university anymore?" said Joel as he held the spout of the bottle.

"I think I have better opportunities in the other place, honestly it's overwhelming"

"overwhelming?" said the other "It's overwhelming to have kids, and a shitty job that pays the minimum monthly, plus you get the best, you can see beautiful and young girls without commitment"

The doctor and Joel looked at each other, shaking their heads, smiling.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you friend but… I don't work in that place for the girls" he said, shaking his head as he looked up at the stage,

"Joel?"

"No, I'm sorry, I don't either" he rub both palms into his jeans.

"you´re both idiots, you could be with whoever you wanted" he grabbed his beer and pointed to the singing girls.

"¡Carve my name into his leather seats!" the redhead sang at the top of her lungs.

"Just an example, imagine that those girls are your students, wouldn't you notice them?"

Both men turned to the stage, the doctor made a face and turned to look at him, while Joel cocked his head, observed and recognized one, your friend who did the chorus and danced, he laughed, and of the other 3 he was amazed when he saw you, he focused his eyes thinking if it was really you or was he hallucinating.

'is that…'

"Why do you keep thinking that?" said the doctor, tapping his friend's shoulder.

"I'm just saying, it's hypothetical" he looked at Joel and laughed "I think Joel did like the idea"

They both looked at Joel and he pointed his finger at both of you

"those two are my students" the two of them turned to see who he was referring to and made a surprised face, more than anything when they saw how one of them, I mean you, had your eyes narrowed trying to read the lyrics but without losing your style.

"Slash a hole in all four tires, maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats" You sang while hugging your friend.

"Are they your students? On a Sunday night, they'll be with a good hangover"

"da bomb" said the doctor raising his bottle in the direction of you toasting

"they won't be my problem tomorrow" said Joel laughing without taking his eyes off you when he saw your funny expressions and trying to concentrate on the lyrics.

When they finished singing, the audience applauded and whistled. They came down from the stage smiling and cheering each other on.

For your part, it had been an ecstasy of emotions, you were sweating from your forehead from so much dancing. They walked to their table and they all fell tired while laughing.

"That was incredible" shouted the blonde

"it was" said your friend drinking from her glass

"Shit, I'm sorry girls but I have to go to the bathroom" you said standing up, your friend got up too

"I'll go with you"

You both walked to the bathrooms on the side of the bar, a few glances turned to you. When I came out already refreshed, they were going through the bar when you got dizzy and stopped.

"Dizziness" you laughed lightly, leaning back on a bench that was alone.

"You've had a lot to drink, let me ask you for a water" your friend said as she asked for the bottle.

"Damn, that man is so cute" you murmured, taking the bottle that your friend held out already opened.

Your friend turned to see who you were referring to and her eyes almost popped out at who it was.

"Is that your boyfriend" she elbowed you and you frowned, confused,

"boyfriend?" you wrinkled your nose looking at her.

"Mr. Miller," she turned to look at you while smiling

"Shit" you muttered while squinting to get a better look

"It certainly looks good in casual clothes" your friend mentioned, looking at it the same way.

You got up and walked over to where he was, slowly approached with your friend behind you and raised your hand greeting him from afar, he smiled nervously at you.

"Mr. Miller!" you said excitedly, smiling at him.

"Hey you" he laughed when he saw you

"what a coincidence, professor" your friend said as she looked at the other two men.

"Shouldn't you be in bed at this hour?" said Joel, wanting to sound serious but failed to see you looking him up and down.

"Oh my God, I just found my father" your friend said sarcastically and you couldn't help but laugh.

"We just wanted to get closer and say…" You took a breath and looked at him "you look great tonight, Mr. Miller" You smiled, cocking your head and blinking. "You look very lonely, do you need company?"

Joel took a big breath and exhaled while laughing

"thanks for the compliment...and I'm not alone" he looked at his friends with a closed-lip smile and they just held back their laughter.

"Well… They're not going to know how to beg for it so..." you bit your lip.

"Okay, see you at the college Mr. Miller" your friend pulled you by the arm. You left laughing on the way to the table and your friend did the same.

"You're crazy" she said as you both sat down.

"Who's crazy?" said the blonde.

"She" pointed at you with her eyes "She dared to hint to our professor"

"Is your teacher here?" The blonde narrowed her eyes

"Wow, she's drunk" said the redhead, eating from the tortilla chips

They all laughed, you told them a little about your little crush, you pointed them out from afar, he was still at the bar with his friends, while you watched him talk animatedly.

From Joel's perspective, he found the way you expressed yourself very funny, you didn't hesitate to say what you thought, he liked it, you seemed like a totally different person from the girl he is used to seeing, quiet, reserved, shy, respectful and above all introverted, with a gentle and sweet look. The girl he saw through his eyes was someone else, but he didn't dislike it, he saw in you a girl who knows how to have fun, without care, flowing with the environment, being herself and not afraid to express whatever is on the tip of her tongue.

....................

Monday.

You cursed the moment you thought it would be a great idea to drink alcohol, until you were knocked unconscious in your friend's car. You'd beat yourself mentally while you were in the bathroom complaining about the migraine you had, while wiping your mouth with water.

"Shit, I can't stand it" You held your forehead with the palm of your hand as you came out of the bathroom.

You didn't want to go to the first hour, your head was exploding and you hadn't found any pills in your entire house, and on top of all that, you had an empty stomach.

You stared at the classroom door, debating whether or not to enter.

"Mmh" you stood in the hallway.

You thought about your options, and you thought it would be a good excuse to go to Ava and ask her for a migraine pill. You walked into the teachers' offices, visualized Ava's door but knocked and got no answer, and remembered that she was arriving a little later, after 8.

You saw the doors of some teachers and administrators open, but you didn't know any of them, you had no choice but to walk to the end of the hallway. You saw the door open and peeked out. He had his back to the door, as you would suppose he was pouring himself his coffee. You knocked twice on the door to get his attention. He turned around and was surprised.

"Good morning," he said hoarsely as he looked at you with a frown.

"Good morning" you said, poking out your whole body and standing at the door.

"Come in, tell me how I can help you" he put the cup down from under the coffee maker and rubbed his palms on his pants.

"Sorry for bothering so early," you winced.

God can't stand even my own voice.

"You're not a nuisance, tell me," he walked over to the coffee pot, looking at the cup.

"I wanted to know if you didn't have a migraine pill" The way you said it was so soft and silent that he turn to look at you with concern.

"Are you okay?" he walked over to a drawer of his desk and looked inside as he put on his glasses and looked at you on them.

"No, I feel like my head is exploding.

They were silent as he rummaged through the drawer. You saw how he picked up a box, opened it, and pulled a pill out of the wrapper.

"Here, it's Dexketoprofen, it'll help you better than an aspirin" You held out the palm of your hand and he placed it in it.

Without saying anything, he handed you a bottle of water.

"Thank you"

You were about to put it in your mouth when its voice interrupted you.

"Have you eaten anything yet?" he looked at you with a worried countenance.

"amm… No" you said sadly, watching as his left hand rummaged through his back pocket, he pulled out his wallet and spoke.

"I'll go get you something, sit down, you must have something in your stomach before you take it."

You sat in the olive green armchair waiting for him. It wasn't long before he walked in the door, you looked at him and his hands left some crackers and an orange on the table. You gawked at things.

"I'll make you a green tea, okay" his voice sounded calmer and softer.

You saw how he went straight to the hot water that he kept in a different coffee pot and poured the water into a cup, took the sack out of the wrapper and plunged it into the water.

You were too tired and sore to say anything. A little attention doesn't hurt.

You didn't know why he was being so helpful, you weren't his responsibility after all. You saw him worried about you, maybe he felt sorry that you were so bad, you felt that you smelled sick and that disgusted you. You felt embarrassed that he saw you like that, you felt so horrible that you didn't want anyone to see you, but he was helping you, being so helpful, you didn't know how that made him twice as attractive.

You saw him come to your side with a cup in his hand. You drank, ate, and took the pill he gave you to relieve the pain in your head.

You felt powerless, you felt weak. It was anything but funny, being locked up with him in his office, smelling of perfume, soap fresh out of the shower, and the essence of coffee, while you smelled of medicine, tea, sick person and vomit for sure.

While he was looking at you with those big brown eyes of his. Her lips parted trying to find words to make you feel better. He was as presentable as ever, his hair fresh and slicked back. The shower hadn't helped you much, it just gave you the power to come to school but you couldn't stand being in it anymore… Not even having set foot in the classroom.

"You need to be careful with alcohol," you looked at him and sighed heavily, "if you can't handle it, don't drink," this time it sounded more demanding.

"Well… You're no one to tell me how much to drink" you looked at him with crooked eyebrows "it's my responsibility"

He nodded, "I know you can be responsible, you're a big girl after all, aren't you?"

You just rolled your eyes back and snorted, drinking the last of the tea. You put the cup down on the coffee table and looked at it.

"Thank you for… This," you pointed to the leftovers in front of you.

"Anything for my favorite student" You looked at him a mocking smile appeared on his face, which made you let out a small laugh mocking sarcastically.

It was a challenge to be around him, he made you feel so small at times, so vulnerable, so loved and damn needy. And sometimes stupid.

You smiled shyly at him as you said goodbye. You got up and in doing so you got dizzy. He reflexively grabbed you by the waist and by your arm, you grabbed his shoulders for support. You closed your eyes and breathed trying to get back to your posture, when you opened them you saw him in front of you, close to you.

He looked at you worriedly, you're sure he asked you if you were okay, but you were gone, it was the closest you'd ever been. He looked at your face to see if you gave any signs, while your thoughts desired something else.

You thought this was your chance, maybe this was the right moment, maybe finding yourself sick in his office was meant to be. You could have thought twice but you didn't, it was now or never.

You looked him in the eye and looked at his lips. He was looking at you confused, maybe you were about to faint and he was still holding you up without doing anything else.

You felt so close to the moment when you felt a hot liquid from the back of your throat rise, burning your windpipe, vocal cords and reaching your roof of your mouth in a matter of seconds. You felt like it was an explosion that came out of your mouth, you didn't want to open your eyes, your gaze was down. Whatever came out of your mouth, it was all over him, his clothes, shoes… You could even feel it on your face, you could feel traces of it on the edges of your lips. But you prayed he wouldn't have a trace on his face. You swallowed hard and heard his voice.

"I think… You must take the pill again."

Fucking hell. Swallow me.

Thanks to Bard's artificial intelligence for giving me insight into the topics of physiological anthropology. we love imagining Joel teaching and being damn smart. Thank you for your support, it means a lot to me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it, tell me what you thought and what you would like to see in this controversial "relationship".

[scrupulosity-comics]

hey is racism one of your obsessions? also white and ocd. if it is, how u cope with it? i'm really afraid all the time to hurt my loved ones who are black people, and they're the majority of my loved ones. and how do u identify whats racism from whats an intrusive thought?

Most of my race-related OCD is abstract stuff like “if I move out of my parents’ house and try to live my own life outside of their control, I will have to find somewhere I can afford to pay rent, which will probably mean moving into a low-income neighborhood, which would mean inadvertently helping to gentrify the community, which would gradually push the original residents out of their homes and disrupt community ties and support systems and creating housing insecurity, so therefore I can’t move out or move on”.

I think that’s just part of a larger existential terror that I can only ever make the world worse by living in it—a net harm to the universe, molecule by misspent molecule.

I have been letting this ask sit in my inbox for weeks now because I’m convinced that anything I say will be destructive. What if my answer enables or excuses racism? What if my answer fuels the anguish of the mentally ill?

The rational and compassionate part of my mind insists that your loved ones (and mine!) understand that you (and I) are white, and have likely dealt with white peoples all their lives, and are capable of judging for themselves whether you are good to them and deserving of their intimacy. It is impossible to go through life without hurting and being hurt by people you care about—always you will have blindspots and miscommunications and competing needs. That’s just part of the curse of consciousness and being a social species. We all get a little blood on our hands eventually, one way or another… friendship involves knowing this, accepting this, and committing to avoid it and then, that failed, to make things right.

Again: your friends know you’re white. They have reason to expect the best of you or they wouldn’t be your friends. They choose to have you in their lives; trust them to trust you, and to recognize the difference between a beloved friend struggling with a treacherous and unkind brain and doing their best in an inescapably racist society, and a racist who whose bigotry makes them unworthy of their time and affection.

I do think racism obsessions are a particularly difficult manifestation of OCD to cope with because they’re hard to discuss at all without feeling like you’re implicitly asking for absolution. With other types of OCD, it’s common to seek reassurance that what you’re obsessively afraid of isn’t true—but what feels more racist than asking someone to reassure you that you’re not racist…? LMAO.

They say the “cure” to OCD, such as it is, is just to learn how to embrace the existential horror of uncertainty. Tall fucking order. Hell on Earth! But in a bizarre way I have found the rhetoric that “everyone is unconsciously and incurably racist” to be unexpectedly helpful… there is no total psychological purging and mental purification we can undergo, no amount of ritual self-flagellation that will drive the demons out, no pristine state we can aspire to and hate ourselves for soiling. Only mundane everyday commitments to compassion and empathy and solidarity and cleaning up our messes. But even then, a thought isn’t a mess. A thought I’d not a thing that happened or a choice you made. It doesn’t represent an alternate timeline branching off into a parallel universe where you have acted on it and hurt people.

Earlier this year I was playing a video game—during my lunch break I got to wondering what happened if you failed a skill check that I had passed in my own playthough, so I looked up a clip on YouTube and was so triggered by the answer (the player character calls his companion a racial slur in the heat of the moment, without meaning to, even if you’ve played him as a committed anti-racist) that I immediately spiraled and was close to throwing up in the broom closet, and when I got home I opened my own save and tried to make the player character kill himself as catharsis. It was an incredibly unreasonable guilt response to a completely fictional scenario that I hadn’t even gotten in my own playthrough, but in retrospect it was a safe way to explore fear of my own internalized racism hurting somebody and what might happen if my intrusive thoughts came true. It sucked and it was terrible and I was angry at myself for being crazy about it, but it ended up being a small dose of exposure therapy and practice at not repenting for nonexistent through self-abuse.

I dunno. This has been a long uncomfortably personal ramble but I hope it’s helpful. I don’t know if your friends know you have OCD (or how it manifests) and I don’t know whether telling them would help. But allowing yourself to trust others to trust you is far more useful than beating yourself up for thoughts you don’t want. I have on occasion warned people that I am cautious about doing certain things with them—particularly drinking—because there is a risk that I may spiral and show symptoms humiliating and uncomfortable to both of us, and I don’t want to put them in a position where they witness or feel like they have to help me manage the white guilt elements of my disorder. These conversations have usually gone well, and the mutual understanding to boundaries takes some of the tension out, which seems to reduce the triggers. It’s messy and awkward and maybe it limits who is willing to be friends with me, but IMHO it’s better than surprising someone.

As for determining whether something is an intrusive thought or actual racism, I guess my answer is: does it matter? Would you manage them differently? Intrusive thoughts may be an evil voice in your brain, but racism is an evil voice in society’s brain.

[sophieinwonderland]

Alright, Let's Go Debunk A Sysmed in Denial!

There are three types? Ooh! Is this going to be about my Headmate Foundations model?

Oh... Nope. I guess that would have required braincells.

I'm just going to assume that "factive disorder" is a Medically Unrecognized Disorder that involves forming a lot of introjects of real people. 🤷‍♀️

Wait! No! Please tell me all about this disorder I've never heard of!

Open the can of worms! 🙏

I believe they meant "factitious disorder" but it's not a typo when it happens twice. It's having no idea what you're talking about.

Like????

There are no examples given here.

Is your research in the room with us?

Anyway, this is false.

The most popular endogenic community is the tulpamancy community, and it's been the subject of extensive research.

For anyone who doesn't know, tulpamancy is a primarily psychological practice that involves creating headmates. It has been acknowledged as a real psychological phenomenon by multiple doctors, including Dr. Samuel Veissiere, a psychiatry professor at McGill University, who wrote the following paper on tulpamancy.

There is also an ongoing study conducted by Dr. Michael Lifshitz that has shown neurological changes during partial possession in tulpamancy.

The existence of tulpamancy, a practice of creating headmates, has been acknowledged by multiple doctors.

Absolutely no doctors have ever claimed that it's fake.

Way to undercut your whole argument with that last line!

Anyway, in one study of tulpamancers, 78% reported positive impacts on their mental health, and 91% reported positive impacts on their overall lives.

So tulpamancy is obviously beneficial according to these statistics.

And when the OP is even admitting they'd be worse off as a singlet (and a majority of people with DID have expressed that they'd miss their alters if they were gone), I just don't think this argument has any merit at all.

Wanting to be a system is perfectly valid.

What the Hell do you consider "actual" endogenic systems???

You mean like, people who were born as systems?

So... not that either???

What then???

That's... trauma...

I mean, bullying isn't necessarily going to be traumatic for everyone but you're describing bullying that's severe enough to cause PTSD symptoms.

If the only endogenic systems you support are the ones whose systems were caused by trauma, then you aren't pro-endo.

Are you SURE your aren't a troll blog??????

Because somehow, calling yourself "pro-endo" while the only "endogenic" systems you believe in are ones you don't think their trauma is valid enough to count as real trauma is the worst possible position in all of syscourse!

Ugh! Do you even know enough of plural history to realize that the endogenic community branched out of the natural multiples? People who believed their multiplicity was entirely natural???

If this isn't a troll blog, I feel kind of bad for you. Because at least most other anti-endos are smart enough to realize they're anti-endos.

[familyabolisher]

> there exists an arbitrary social distinction between ‘STEM’ and ‘humanities’ which (put crudely) invests greater intellectual merit in STEM as a category of learning more directly involved with positivism and empirical deductions & with a greater capacity for describing an ‘objective’ reality, as opposed to ‘humanities’ as a subject area with less deference to positivism and more deference to subjectivity and fewer obvious methodological paradigms

> this objective/subjective binary gets translated into what is effectively a ‘facts vs feelings’ distinction

> this distinction rests on about a hundred different incorrect premises (that positivism is the most intellectually rigorous exercise and that the conclusions it arrives at are describing a prediscursive reality and that little or no subjectivity is ever imposed on scientific conclusions; that the study of literature, art, history, philosophy, theology, music, etc., can be collapsed into a ‘vibes-based’ approach and don’t themselves rely on methodologies, specific epistemological branches, specialised terminology, &c. &c.; that the study of literature, art, history, philosophy, theology, music, etc. and also the study of mathematics, biology, physics, astronomy, chemistry, computer science, psychology, etc. can be grouped into two distinct categories with no overlap and that have nothing to say to one another; that we should be giving discursive weight to the idea that ‘intellectualism’ is a measurable property and a laudable one, and that this is not the discourse of eugenics; this list goes on for a while)

> somehow, rather than challenging these hundred different incorrect premises in any serious way, there exists a significant chunk of humanities students (most often students of literature) who reify the idea that their subject is essentially based on ‘vibes’ and intuition, such that really anyone should be able to do them; they defend the intellectual merit of their subject through the suggestion that ‘STEM people’ who lack their fluency in literary studies are in fact not as ‘intelligent’ as they imagine themselves to be

> this is largely reacting to a cultural phenomenon of ‘STEM people,’ empowered by the widespread perception of their subject as being more intellectually challenging and socially worthwhile than humanities, deriding the study of humanities subjects either as being ‘easy’ or as not being worth the effort in the first place; or both

> nevertheless, it sucks

> suggesting that ‘STEM people’ (or, more broadly, ‘everyone’!) ought to have a fluency in literature (and that their not having this is somehow of concern in a vague sense; implicitly a moral failing) ignores several key facts, including: that a study of literature is as predicated on access to particular time and resources as is a study of, say, biology; that lit studies are as capable of political conservatism as any other discipline and that political conservatism can easily come from practices of ‘critical thinking’ which apply literary methodologies to reach reactionary conclusions; that, just as a study of biology requires the acquisition of knowledge beyond the quotidian and/or intuitive, so too does a study of literature

> it is good to develop critical reading skills and to be able to read broadly and confidently, as these are useful tools for navigating and politically articulating the world around you; it’s bad and also just weird and boring to ignore the contingencies that the development of those skills rest upon in favour of trying to one-up your perceived academic rivals; it’s also weird and boring to be extremely put out that someone is more interested in astrophysics or microbiology than they are in the history of the novel

> all education in all forms is stratified by access contingencies; if you see the critical faculties that you imagine only a humanities education to be able to give you as morally necessary skills, why aren’t you focused on challenging those contingencies?

> none of this would be a problem if we removed the access barriers to all branches of education that capitalist intellectual production demands we keep in place; all of this is essentially a slapfight between a lot of people who have been fortunate enough to gain access to higher education and have internalised the social impetus to disregard + disdain those who didn’t

> all of you are so fucking annoying

[secretpostsposts]

okay, for the possessive brothers au, Ik the yandere brothers are pissed at Branch’s friends taking up their time, so what would happen if, Branch’s friends invited one of the brothers separately to hang out with them? Get to know them better sort of thing. Would they play along and pretend to befriend Branch’s friend and slowly isolate Branch from the group that way? Or would that set off alarm bells since sure, they are brothers, but clearly the guy doesn’t know much about Branch after all. Or would the brother use subtle threats/implications?

They accept, barely agree to go out and "have fun" with them.

Clay, Floyd, and Bruce, don't threaten, or do anything physical, directly.

They're more subtle with those things, they make you accidentally fall, and they make comments about Branch's past (as some were kind of rude to Branch or ignored him) making them feel bad, Creek stays away when the brothers are in town, but they do mostly use psychology to hurt Branch's "friends".

John is less subtle, everyone thinks his way of being because of his 20 years of isolation from other trolls, he is brusque, his friendly punches are too strong and leave bruises, and his comments are hurtful and tactless, but they think he's like Branch, socially awkward, but John is just showing his annoyance for them disguised as accidental actions of "friendship" (he left Guy with a bruise once, a very large bruise on the arm)

[transmutationisms]

thoughts on adhd diagonsis and the rising numbers of it? heard a couple different theories, including a school therapist saying that he thinks children are just getting misdiagnosed because they’re cutting recess times, but interested in your thoughts! lol

yea i talked about this a bit here but i would add for clarity:

this kind of narrative of 'rising rates of' [any dsm diagnosis, in this case adhd] is kind of misleading on the surface because these numbers, and cultural and medical attitudes toward these labels, vary widely. matthew smith gives a very abridged introduction to varying attitudes toward adhd globally, and points out that countries that have 'embraced' the adhd diagnosis and its corresponding drug treatments tend to be countries where pharma companies have pushed to expand their market for these drugs, and have been able to succeed in partnering up with local and regional medical guilds and practitioners' professional interests. which is to say that any 'rise' in 'adhd' should be interpreted with an eye to material factors, meaning, specifically, profit-seeking and broader patterns of imperialism and global market expansion.

none of this is to say that the impairments people experience in adhd are any less real, debilitating, or distressing. however, when we ask about those impairments becoming more widespread or severe, often the conversation becomes rapidly re-routed to cover only a narrative of individual cognitive or neurological 'failures' constituting a distinct 'disorder'. elided from this framing is the idea that an impairment of this sort arises not just from the individual's brain-mind-body, but from the extent to which that person is being accommodated by their social context, specifically demands for productivity, sustained attention, &c in the home / school / workplace.

the core research methodologies & data interpretation in the psy-sciences embed social valences into neuro-psychological investigations, heightening the perceived contrast between, eg, 'normal' and 'adhd' brains / neurotypes / &c. susan hawthorne points out that this is a powerful feedback loop: social values are embedded in the scientific investigations, the results of which are then of further social interest, and together social and scientific values tend to converge, mutually reinforce one another, and strengthen the ideas and data interpretations supporting the concept of a discrete, pharmacologically actionable, transhistorical and cross-societal brain disorder.

i truly cannot overstate the extent to which it matters that when ritalin arrived on the us market in 1955, psychiatric diagnosis of and pharmacological prescription for children's behaviours were in a very different state to how they are today. it is quite common (in psychiatry but also in other branches of medicine!) that diagnostic definitions and categories change, or even come into existence altogether, at the behest of pharmaceutical companies who need a diagnostic label in order to ensure insurance coverage for patients interested in taking their patented drugs. this combined with marketing direct to patients, and paid promotion to physicians, is a critical piece of the history of the adhd diagnosis.

because i always feel the need to make this crystal-clear: i do not oppose or object to people seeking or using stimulant medications lol. i <3 stimulants. that's not what this is about. i want you and me both to be able to use white-market amphetamines whenever we damn well please and you don't need to justify that on any moral or medical grounds. xx

[yawnderu]

📂Military Personnel Profile — Stray

File #28907

Name: Katharina Müller 

Citizenship: Austria

Status: Active

Affiliations:

KorTac (Former)

SpecGru

Task Force 141

Katharina, callsign ''Stray'' is protected by a redacted past. Little to nothing is known about her early life, remaining a mystery even to those who get their hands on her file.

After volunteering for the Austrian army at an early age, she successfully completed training with the ISTC Sniper Branch, remaining the first female to complete the course.

In 2022, her affiliation with KorTac ended due to unknown reasons. By 2023, her affiliation with SpecGru as a member of the Task Force 141 was announced.

Growing up with a single parent is never something easy— especially when the same person supposed to protect you is clinically insane. Often beaten like a dog by her mother and left alone for extended periods of time, Katharina learnt how to be extremely independent at the ripe age of eight. More emotionally mature than her peers, she grew up with a feeling of never belonging anywhere, oftentimes hanging out with much older people to drink, smoke and party.

By age fourteen, Katharina had seven failed suicide attempts, most of them caused by high stress, hopelessness regarding her living situation and undiagnosed mental health issues. It wasn't until her last attempt that she was forced to attend mandatory psychology sessions. She quit attending after three sessions, dealing with her issues in the way she knew better: destroying herself.

Katharina found shelter in someone just as troubled— König. The socially anxious giant was her rock growing up, often taking her to his fights and house just to prevent her putting herself in danger by going out with questionable ''friends.'' He was always there for her, finding comfort in their friendship to the point she became a second family to him; the only person who never judged him for his appearance, personality, or side. König's family welcomed her as one of their own, his mum and nana taking in the small girl as if she was a daughter to them, unknowingly helping to heal the internal wounds her own mother left.

Many first times were shared together between them; first kiss, first time cuddling, first time making love, simply enforcing their bond ever further, making them even more inseparable than before. While they never defined their relationship, they were mutually exclusive and never held any physical or romantic interest in anyone else during their time together.

Oftentimes skipping class to smoke behind school, Katharina and König shared many conversations about their future together. At age fifteen, they wanted to live in apartments next to each other in Vienna. By age sixteen, they wanted to live together. By age seventeen, they volunteered for the army, putting any conversations about their life together aside and focusing on staying alive during the hard training that pushed them both physically and mentally.

Given the callsign ''Stray'' by her teasing teammates after getting lost in the forest for a hot minute during training— she carried it with pride and humor, rather than humiliation and shame. It became a fitting name for her, more used to people calling her that rather than Katharina, taking Stray as a new beginning of her life as a soldier, leaving her past behind.

Following rules was the biggest challenge for the two outcasts, not used to people yelling in their face without being able to do something about it yet like with anything life threw at them; they adapted. Their sole focus was becoming the best soldiers, often staying behind at the gym and sparring. What Katharina lacked in height, she made up for in drive, being able to take down the 208cm behemoth of a man a few times during their sessions.

At age 19, after superiors evaluated her marksmanship and height advantage, Katharina was chosen for a training course with the ISTC Sniper Branch. While König grew slight resentment over his best friend being able to live his dream while he was rejected, he pushed those feelings aside, focusing on his training as a foot soldier. Tensions grew in their friendship for the first time ever, with Katharina often feeling unable to tell him much about her sniper training in fear of his resentment growing, and König always too busy in the field.

For the first time ever since they met, they both lost their only support, feeling lost yet being too prideful to apologize first. They spent two long years this way until the team went to a pub to celebrate a successful deployment. Drunk feelings were shared in the privacy of a nearby forest, sloppy kisses and the need to hold each other again, shared promises and words of praise coming out of each other, tear-stained cheeks hurting from smiling so much by the time the team decided to go back to base.

By January 2022, König received an offer he couldn't refuse— the chance to join a PMC named KorTac with a salary in the low six figures, yet he was still indecisive, not wanting to let go of his best friend after years of becoming inseparable again. Letting the Colonel know he was a package deal with the small sniper, Katharina received a matching contract shortly after.

Excited for this new opportunity they signed together, nervous yet looking forward to what the future has to offer for both of them. Joining KorTac was... an experience, plenty of different people together in a fancier base than the army provided for them. The masked soldier fit right in with other men who kept their identity a secret, while she drifted towards the rowdier soldiers— the feeling of belonging being there for the first time ever. Horangi and Nikto quickly became some of the closest soldiers to her, despite the latter being rough around the edges. She took it as a personal challenge to break down his walls enough to become his friend.

In early 2023, Katharina was contacted by Station Chief Kate Laswell, offering her a contract with a new fraction, a salary in the high six figures and the promise of redacting her early life from her file, making sure no sign of her past could ever be found by enemies or allies. While the decision took her months and late-night conversations with König, a much more mature and older version of him did nothing but encourage her to accept the offer, knowing how important a brand-new beginning without people knowing about her past was for her.

By May 2023, her contract with KorTac was cancelled and a new one with SpecGru as a member of the Task Force 141 was signed. Saying goodbye to her peers was one of the hardest things— letting go of the first group where she felt like she belonged, and the goodbye was just as tough despite being encouraged by all of them, some even teasing her about joining ''the enemy'', though it was all in friendly banter.

The first member she met was John ''Soap'' MacTavish, a rowdy and capable Sargeant. The pair instantly clicked, dropping together with the marines to greet the L.T, Ghost. A masked soldier whose identity remained a secret for his own safety, having a redacted past just as her own. While they didn't immediately get along and rarely had time to get to know each other unlike Soap and her up until Las Almas. After Grave's betrayal, she saw a side of Ghost she never even knew existed after he put a protective arm in front of her and shielded her with his burly body.

They both navigated Las Almas together, taking down any shadows they saw with great synch, as if it was meant to be that way despite Ghost being a lone wolf for most of his career. Ghost never told her, but he was left impressed with her skills the most after they waited for Johnny in the church and took down enemies with their snipers.

Her paranoia went off the charts the one time she tried to get off her medication, still needing it heavily to function despite the great help she gets from the provided psychologist. Even with medication, she often wakes up to nightmares about her early life, looking around her quarters as if her mother could be hiding in any corner or furniture no matter how tiny it is. She holds herself together despite the C-PTSD and disclosed mental health issues, always passing her psych evals and attending weekly therapy sessions.

While Stray is not overall an unpleasant person, she can be too difficult for people with more dominant personalities, often clashing with people who act condescending or look down on her for being a woman in the army, despite her being a member of the 141 saying enough about her skills as a soldier.

She's oftentimes seen exchanging awful jokes with Simon, much to the dismay of anyone unlucky enough to be within earshot. The pair is practically joined at the hip, unknowingly trauma bonding and finding comfort in each other's company. It became a habit for both of them to drink tea at late hours of the night, either staying in silence or talking about their experiences as soldiers. They very rarely talk about their families, often leaving details behind or being vague about it on purpose.

Stray bonded with the whole team very quick, knowing they see her as a soldier worthy enough of being in the Task Force, the best of the best, fills her with pride. John Price is the father figure she never had and he recognizes that easily, giving her the guidance she may need and having long conversations with her. Besides Laswell, Price is the only person in the Task Force she talks about her past with.

While she still has a long way to go, Stray has a strong support system and knows she can go to any of them for help if she ever needs it, including her peers back at KorTac and the army.

Trivia:

Stray has plenty of tattoos, with most of her limbs, especially her legs and torso, decorated with black ink. She has a shitty stick and poke tattoo on her ankle that she got done with König when they were sixteen, a small crown and a K next to it.

Unknowingly to both of them, Ghost and Stray have tattoos in remembrance of each other. Ghost's is a small black cat on his thigh, while hers is a skull on her hip.

She quit smoking after turning 21, though she drinks quite a lot when she's off duty. She avoids beer like the plague, much to König's annoyance since he loves it.

She likes to dye her hair a subtle shade of dark red whenever she's off duty for extended periods of time, though her natural hair color is dark brown.

Stray and König remain best friends to this day, talking to each other whenever they get the chance to have their phones with them and their schedules match. If they have the chance to request time off, they meet up as much as possible.

If they're not deployed, they spend the holidays with König's mum and nana, enjoying the feeling of having a place to call home and being welcomed with delicious homemade food.

She cut contact with her mother after joining the army and has never looked back. Whether her mum is alive or not remains none of her business. She deleted all social media and accounts linked to her past, creating new ones with different aliases so she cannot be found by her.

Stray's body is defined by strong muscles, working out five to six times a week to maintain her physique, her more defined muscles being her upper body and legs.

While she struggled to build connections in her early life, she opened up more easily after joining the army, often being teased about being brooding and quiet by her platoon until she started letting loose.

She listens to music together with Simon back in their quarters, and while he never told her, he enjoys listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees the most with her, seeing her dance and sing along, as his mum used to listen to them. She sometimes forces Simon to dance Spellbound with her, holding his hands while she jumps around and sings. While he doesn't dance, the way he looks down at her while she does shows just how much he values moments like these.

Stray has elvish features accompanied with light brown skin, as her father has indigenous blood.

Her hair is a curly c3 and long, though she always keeps it braided or tied up in a neat bun during deployments to avoid it getting in the way.

She's crazy good at cutting hair, coming from the habit she had her whole early life; chopping all her hair off whenever she was too stressed or depressed and didn't know how to cope. Sometimes cuts the hair of the 141 boys whenever they don't have access to the barber.

Friendly reminder that all my fics are x Reader, and the only thing used from this OC is the callsign and parts of her past. No physical description will ever be used in my fanfics.

[blushydiorrb]

blushydior

digital minimalism: free yourself from the traps of electronic devices and start living a fulfilled life

“A philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else.”

— Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism

as always, i recommend reading Digital Minimalism and Deep Work by Cal Newport. digital minimalism and introducing it’s importance to others is what i am passionate about. this post is simply to branch off from what i learned, what resonates with me and my perspective from his books while interconnecting it with posts from my blog. i can’t thank cal enough for his impact.

so you’re interested in being a digital minimalist. 

ask yourself these questions: 

what are your deepest values in life? 

where do you currently stand in your journey of self improvement? what have you done so far that has led you to this moment and what are some things that you can do better? 

do the apps in your phone bring you continuous spark and joy? in what ways does your daily phone usage support these deepest values?

be in the know: the continuous growth of phone usage is, to say the least, detrimental. as of 2022, the average person picks up their phone 344 times and uses their phone for 5 hours per day (excluding work related usage)

if your deepest values are work, continuous self improvement, friends, traveling, family, and school, how does being on your phone for the majority of your days, scrolling on social media/texting support these values?

you say you want to try new hobbies, travel more, and meet new people then look back and notice you really haven’t done most of the things you said you wanted to do. you take a closer look and notice you are on your device, pressing like button after like button, constantly watching what everyone else is doing rather than living the life in front of you. you end up disappointed. 

imagine yourself looking back at your life as whole at this moment. would you see all the times you spent going on adventures, having the best time of your life or would you see moments of endless scrolling on your feed flashing before your eyes?

which one do you want?

just imagine the massive improvement you’d see if you reduced your screen time and used it to your advantage by doing meaningful things like:

learning new skills everyday, executing that plan for a trip you made, cooking, dance, working out, reading more books, learning about extensive topics like business and psychology, volunteering, getting more sleep.

to be able to create a beautiful life for yourself, it all stems from you— your will and desire to have a beautiful, lived life, your plan, the execution, and the endless enjoyment.

these are so much more fulfilling than seeing tweets or keeping up with celebrities and influencers. trust me when i say you won’t miss much and have a breakdown if you missed a celebrity’s newest selfie or didnt retweet that recycled joke you saw on your timeline 3 months ago. 

there will ALWAYS be something new and entertaining to learn and experience in life. you just have to put yourself out there.

you crave genuine bonds? high bandwidth connections come from meeting up with people, having face to face interactions, not sharing memes and meaningless texts (no, emojis do not help)

you want to be a high achiever and reach your goals? you can’t do that when social media takes up half of your time.

you want real experiences? look up from the digital screen and use your five senses to bask in the sunlight, hear the real-life chatter, focus and interact with the people around you, smell the fresh air and taste the food. do you really need to record and document everything for a 24h story?

weren’t you supposed to study for that exam? did you schedule your routine appointments? when was the last time you hung out with a loved one? when was the last time you picked up a hobby and spent time alone? did you finish that book you were reading? didn’t you say you had a goal to go to the gym a few times a week? have you been easy on yourself like you said you would? 

i thought you said you were sick of not living the life of your dreams yet… i don’t see you taking any action to achieve that goal? 

break the habit and start living your best life. let’s get into the how!

Keep reading

[schizoid-hikikomori]

I came across some anti-psych stuff on here and to be frank, I think it's no different than fear mongering any other field of medicine.

A lot of the issues people argue with the psychological and psychiatric field are issues that are present in the medical system and society at large: women and people of color are less likely to be taken seriously, listened to, diagnosed, treated the same as their privileged counterparts.

This isn't an issue with psychiatry, this is an issue with society. These are social issues that make their way into every field of care that need to be taken care of at a systemic level.

The study of psychology is not some evil brainwashing nonsense meant to promote some idea of "sanism". I feel that people don't know that psychology isn't just about the mental illnesses. There's so much more to it than that. And pop psychology has diluted the public understanding of what true psychology is.

There's of course stigma and bias in the field itself, but how is that different from similar stigmas in other medicine?

The medical field is full of privileged white people in America and has been for the longest time, to no surprise. This country has been built on oppression. And medicine has been unethical and abusive and the systems are in need of reform.

This does not mean psychology and psychiatry are just wrong systems. It means we need a better way to help people without being dismissive or further stigmatizing certain issues.

People who don't even get diagnosed with anything still go to therapy to help sort out their issues.

Fear mongering that psych as a whole is a brainwashing system to get you to conform is a very black and white way to look at things. There's so much more nuance to it and it involves societal systems at large. The truth is, some people do need therapy and medication to live their best life. That isn't "sanism" or trying to force people to be normal. Quite literally, it's unethical for medical practitioners to force you to take medicine you don't want. It is their job however to help you discuss options.

Going to therapy or getting medication isn't a death sentence. It's also not something everyone needs, but it is something that people do need and there's no way to abolish this whole branch of science without compromising people's lives.

Not to mention, science is based on the principle of continuing to learn. While western science has been warped and distorted by colonial ideas and white supremacy, that doesn't mean it's a lost cause. There's just reform to do. And in all honesty, shifting research perspectives is part of the work I intend to do going into psychiatry.

[litcest]

Incest and the Medieval Imagination, by Elizabeth Archibald: Conclusion

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 Part 1 | Chapter 3 Part 2 | Chapter 3 Part 3 | Chapter 4 Part 1 | Chapter 4 Part 2 | Chapter 4 Part 3 | Chapter 5 Part 1 | Chapter 5 Part 2

Medieval narratives surrounding incest are filled with contradictions. In some stories, incestuous relationships surprisingly resulted in the advancement of a character's social standing, as seen in the tale of Gregorius; however, such as in the Arthurian legend, those relationships could lead to the downfall of the hero's kingdom. While medieval literature often depicted incest as the ultimate manifestation of human sinfulness, it simultaneously celebrated the Virgin Mary, who was paradoxically both mother to God, and, in theological terms, the bride and daughter of her divine son.

The prevalence of incestuous themes in medieval literature suggests that such occurrences weren't uncommon. If incest had been rare, highlighting the remorse of incestuous sinners would have been of no use for the Church, since cautionary tales need to remain somewhat believable to be effective. Medieval theologians considered incest with an unknown relative a less severe sin than deliberate incest but, as exemplified by the stories, it still demanded repentance and atonement. It's plausible that the Church employed stories of incest to showcase humanity's inherent sinful nature while simultaneously highlighting God's boundless compassion.

Incest in the Renaissance

A comparison of medieval incest narratives with their Renaissance counterparts reveals significant shifts in perspective. Two key factors driving these changes were the Protestant Reformation and the renewed interest in classical literature during the Renaissance. Classical literature often portrayed a fatalistic worldview where protagonists were doomed, regardless of their repentance. Similarly, the Calvinist branch of Protestantism emphasized predestination, suggesting that salvation was predetermined and independent of individual actions. Therefore, confession, penance, and good works, which were central to medieval religious life, became futile efforts. While medieval writers highlighted human fallibility and the possibility of salvation, in the Renaissance, depictions of incest primarily focused on the societal implications rather than the individual's spiritual state.

Incest emerges as a recurring theme in English drama of the 16th and 17th Centuries. Comedies frequently employed a "recognition scene", inspired by the classical sources, to narrowly avert incestuous unions, revealing long-lost identities and dispelling the threat of forbidden love, as seen in Lyly's Mother Bombie and Beaumont and Fletcher's A King and No King. However, in more tragic works like Ford's 'Tis Pity She's a Whore and Middleton's Women Beware Women, incestuous relationships become catalysts for widespread destruction. Consummation of incest in these plays leads to inevitable tragedy, with both villains and innocent victims dying.

Moreover, unlike their medieval counterparts, Renaissance dramatists delved deeper into the psychological motivations behind incestuous desires, exploring a range of complex and disturbing motives, with incest and violence often being linked.

Inbreeding Genetics

A notable absence in medieval incest narratives is the emphasis on the genetic dangers of inbreeding, a prominent concern in contemporary discussions. While there's some evidence of associating deformity with incest, it was primarily viewed as divine retribution rather than a predictable biological outcome. Although characters like Mordred, born of incest, may exhibit moral flaws, these are rarely attributed directly to the genetic consequences of inbreeding.

On the contrary, classical and medieval literature often include what could be termed "positive inbreeding", with exceptional children being born out of incestuous unions. Adonis, renowned for his exquisite beauty, was the product of father-daughter incest. Later in the Medieval age, children born of incestuous unions were often depicted as saints, such as Gregorius, Albanus, and St. Cuimmin, or as a heroes, including Cuchulain, Hrólf, and Siegfried.

These examples suggest that inbreeding, while often condemned, was not always perceived as inherently negative in these earlier narratives.

The Immaculate Exception to the Rule

While Tertullian, a 1st Century theologian considered the father of Latin Christianity, emphasized the divine purity of Christ's birth, contrasting it with the tainted origins of Greco-Roman deities born of incestuous or adulterous unions, incest became a recurring theme in the context of Christ's birth throughout the Middle Ages, not as source of shame but rather a cause for celebration.

The concept of the Virgin Mary as both the mother and daughter of Jesus Christ, the mater et filia paradox, is foundational for Marian theology. This concept predates St. Augustine, though he popularized it. It wasn't merely a metaphorical ideal: the Eleventh Council of Toledo in 675 officially declared Christ as both the father and son of the Virgin. From the 12th Century onwards, the Song of Songs was increasingly interpreted as an allegory of Mary, which would also make her the Bride of Christ. The mater et filia paradox remained prevalent throughout Europe, being widely employed in Marian lyrics.

The great diffusion and acceptance of this paradox is highlighted by its perversion in the Antichrist legend. In a macabre inversion of the Christian narrative, and drawing upon the concept of incest as the embodiment of original sin, Berengier's De l'avenement Antecrist (13th Century) depicts Antichrist as being born from the union between the Devil and his own daughter, Sin. This theme appears in other works as well, such as John Gower's Mirour de l'Omme (14th Century) and Milton's Paradise Lost (17th Century). In both works, the Devil and his daughter Sin birth Death, who then engages in intercourse with his mother.

It's important to clarify that it's never actually said that Mary committed incest, with her complicated relationship with God the Father and God the Son being considered unique and distinct from the 'sinful' act of incest. However, the intriguing aspect lies in the presence of allusions to Mary's "holy incest" even in more secular contexts. This observation suggests that the mater et filia paradox transcended religious discourse and permeated the broader cultural context, becoming a familiar and widely understood concept within medieval society.

[firedragon1321]

Thinking about how Matt isn't as important to the entire group's survival in Adventure compared to Tai/Izzy/Sora (especially when he's 100% focused on TK). But he's absolutely necessary on a meta level because of his search for growth and- at the end of the day- an identity separate from being TK's guard dog.

As early as Episode 18 at least, he notices the others are changing for the better. As he talks to Izzy, he reveals A- he's emotionally/psychologically more sensitive than he first appears and B- he wants to grow, too.

Now the thing is Matt has also made protecting TK his number one concern. By comparison, his own physical safety is somewhere like the thirty second most important thing. This holds him back. He doesn't know it. But his obsession with keeping TK safe prevents him from finding an identity outside of "TK's big brother".

Matt was lost emotionally- half due to the divorce, half due to being at the age where people start to develop unique identities. He essentially latched on to the first identity he was presented with- being TK's brother. Even if- at the time he formed it- he was just a child. It was a role made from a desire to just be with his brother again.

A desire for things to be normal.

Because the Digital World not only extended Matt's time with TK, but constantly put him in danger, his identity as "TK's big brother" evolved into "TK's protector". This is his drive in the early competition for leadership- to protect TK the group.

But by Episode 18, the battle for dominance is over. Tai won, though nobody says it. Even if he's on shaky ground due to SkullGreymon. But even there, Tai acted out of a (corrupted) sense of responsibility. To genuinely protect everyone, without a disclaimer regarding one individual. So he made a mistake. And not only does he understand that, but he regrets it. He's maturing from the kid who smacked Izzy's laptop for fun.

Matt sees this. He sees Sora slowly come to accept Biyomon- and by extension, herself, because Biyomon is a part of her (more on that later). Izzy has become a bit more social. They're not at their final forms yet- far from it. But Matt sees the writing on the wall. He wants in on that.

Yet, he's trapped by his own trauma and the armor he made for himself. He's a warrior, a protector. Everything bad needs to stay away from TK because he can't lose his brother again.

Matt sees himself as the sole catalyst for TK's safety. And as the series goes on, that becomes less and less true. TK is protected by others, such as Sora. Matt also comes to protect and support people other than TK, such as Joe with the whole Digitamamon debacle.

Matt is great at noticing the growth of others. Just not himself. To be fair, it's only an extension of his role as "knight". It extends beyond TK now, but Matt doesn't yet see it.

After Puppetmon's mansion, TK proves he can protect himself. This shatters Matt to the point that Cherrymon has little trouble sliding into his skull. Because in Matt's eyes, he hasn't grown like he wanted. What he doesn't see is the stuff holding him back.

I went through something similar. I made the core of my being "staying safe", And it, too, robbed me of opportunity. The armor welcomes nothing but danger. It is rigid. It does not allow growth. So it's completely understandable to me that when Matt finally realizes what he must do to form his own identity, his fear and despair have to be unavoidably shoved in his face.

The nature of the cave- like much of Digimon Adventure's lore- is steeped in mystery. All that seems clear is that it's a manifestation of negative emotions. It's physically the same as a mental rut, going in a single direction with no branching pathways. It doesn't allow Matt to move past his feelings by its very design. It also whispers of failure. Not only has his identity revolving around TK proven useless, but so has his search for himself.

And so like Cherrymon, it easily consumes him.

The only lifeline he has is Gabumon. His Digimon partner. A piece and reflection of his own soul. So really, Matt can only rely on his own inner strength to escape. In a way, it's the "Naruto telling you to brush your teeth" meme. Sometimes you have to get a little unwell to get better. And that may involve talking to yourself. And "yourself" may be a dog lizard.

Matt wanted no-one to see him cry. Especially after the Digital World. The identity he took on has zero room for tears. Only after escaping the cave does Matt finally shed that identity. He's not just TK's protector or the group's knight. He's their friend. And not only can they rely on him, but he can rely on them.

It's not an independent identity. But seeing he's not alone and he can accept support from others is an important step in the right direction. In putting the useless armor aside, he also begins to heal from the divorce. And in doing that, he not only sees that he has grown, but opens up new opportunities to evolve even further.

Matt is an encapsulation of Digimon's themes of positive growth. Through his own introspection and growth, he captures what makes Digimon unique. And that's why- even if he does less in Adventure than Omnimon would have you believe- he is absolutely essential.

[andthisisdia]

🫧Hi🫧

Name: call me Dia💎

Age: I was born in 2002 and I'm too lazy to update my age every year💅

Nationality: Italian (English is not my first language so I might make some grammatical errors)

🏳️‍🌈: I'm a bisexual and demisexual/demiromantic girl (I use she/her pronouns)

MBTI: ENTJ (Don't stereotype me. I'm just really into doing things right and I like to have a plan for everything. I always try to find a solution to people's problems)

Something about me: I'm autistic and borderline 🪐 and I'm very extroverted, I like to socialize and meet new people. So if we have any interests in common, feel free to write to me🌌 (Read the continuation to find out more about me and what I post, it's important. Thank you)

(I made this edit using picsart stickers that represent my interests and something about me)

🎮Favorite video games:

•League of Legends (I play on the European server)

•Wildrift

•Valorant (I don't play it that much because I'm not very good)

•Overwatch

•Team Fortress 2 (my hyper fixation, I need to talk to other tf2 fans. I'm going crazy, I don't know who to talk to about it, I'm afraid of appearing boring to my friends who aren't fans😭😭😭)

•Life is strange (this game made me realize I'm not straight)

•Detroit Become Human

•Danganronpa (I discovered this thanks to tik tok during the pandemic. It was very trendy at the time)

•The last of us

•The Sims 3/4 (I never had the chance to play the previous ones)

🍿My favorite TV series are:

•Shameless

•Love, Death & Robots

•Bojack Horseman

•Arcane

•She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

•Ever After High

🎼Singers I like:

•Madison Beer

•Mitski

•Ariana Grande

•Ashnikko

•Kali Uchis

•Girl in Red

•Marina and the diamonds

•KDA ("Akali that girl, 'kali go grr 'Kali don't stop, 'kali don't skrt 'Kali got a job, 'kali go to work 뜨거워 언제나 don't get burnt" 🗣🗣🗣)

•Gorillaz

•Queen

•Molchat Doma

•Arctic Monkeys

•Mother Mother

•Jack Stauber

•Cavetown

•TV girl

•Bo Burnham

I actually listen to a lot of artists but I don't remember them all c:

🫧Things I like:

•Lost media

•Liminal space

•Dreamcore

•Nostalgiacore

•History of cinema (especially animated films)

•Psychology (and all other branches of this science. I also love anthropology and sociology)

•Travel and discover new places

•Everything that has to do with creativity (Drawing, writing stories and fanfiction, creating things like accessories for your clothes and such very cute things. I really admire people who can repaint dolls)

•Having fun (going out with my friends, watching films - if they're trashy films it's even better -, sending each other memes and tik tok videos and things like that)

🪷Hobby:

•Cosplay (Especially cosplaying my comfort characters)

•Drawing (I haven't drawn seriously since 2020. I'm waiting for inspiration)

•Collecting dolls (I love Monster High, Ever After High, Rainbow High and L.O.L O.M.G. I also collect Funko pops and figures from other brands. I also have many books and comics -which I have to finish reading because there are too many-)🧸

•Roleplay (Doing roleplay with me means that I have already organized the whole plot. But I also listen to the other person's ideas)

•Find out about the topics that interest me (Most of the time they have to do with culture. I'm a very curious person and I love to inform myself)

💿What I post on Tumblr:

•Things about my fandom

•Positivity (Especially mental health or pride posts about being a member of the LGBT community. Be yourself🌈Be unique)

•Aesthetics

•Vent

•My posts are tagged "Dia's post"

🦦Other random things:

•My favorite musicals are Heathers and Ride The Cyclone (the name of my blog is a mix between two of these songs)

•I'm terrible with numbers and sometimes I read the wrong words (I have a learning disability -be patient-)

•In my blog there are posts about Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss BUT IT'S NOT A SPECIAL INTEREST OF MINE. I recognize that they are two series with a lot of plot holes and nonsense. But it still reminds me of time spent with my friends. I actually like hearing people analyze and criticize it. I'm fond of the character of Vaggie and I like the ship between Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb but as I wrote before: it's no longer a special interest of mine. I am neutral towards them

•I'm an atheist

•I am very interested in the meaning (and world) of dreams

‼️ Sometimes I also reposted something related to when I feel down. Unfortunately I have a lot of trauma but I'm trying to move forward and get better‼️

🔞I'm a girl from 2002 so I have young adult maturity‼️I want to talk to people my own age. You can follow me if you like my "aesthetic fandom stuff" but i would like to talk to people my age🔞

🧜‍♀️Comfort characters:

•Jinx (League of legends/Arcane. She is my main and for certain things I see myself in her)

•Seraphine (League of Legends. didn't like her at first but I love her gameplay. And I think she has the best skins -along with Jinx, of course-)

•Evelynn (League of Legends. She's a Goddess)

•Chloe Price (Life is strange. She made me understand that I like women too. I love this punk)

•Sunset Shimmer (Equestria Girls. She is one of the few ENTJs to be a positive character. I really like how her character has evolved)

•Reagan Ridley (Inside Job. We are very similar in certain things)

•Entrapta (She ra. I love this chaotic neutral autistic scientist princess. Again, I see myself in her)

•Kotori Minami (Love Live! When I was in middle school this was my favorite anime)

•Dia Kurosawa (Love Live! Sunshine. Love Live is an anime that accompanied me as I grew up. I'm very fond of it)

❕️I'm looking for young adult people like me (young adult means being over 18 and under 30). I have no problem with NSFW (I prefer artistic nudity) and I have no problem with swearing. I have a certain maturity so I want to interact with people like that.❕️

‼️ This is my safe space🗣 SO DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU ARE: racist, homophobic, ableist, transphobic and against the LGBT community, do not interact if you are a pedophile and if you harm animals.Don't fetishize queer people. We are people, not nsfw categories. And don't romanticize the Mafia. Be kind and open-minded. Don't interact if you are against feminism (which I remind you, means gender equality), don't interact if you are people with ideas of hatred and discrimination. No ignorant people about mental health or what is happening in the world, because we are in 2024 and we need to have a minimum of culture. If you think abortion is murder, I would say you can also go elsewhere because I support women's rights and human rights in general. In general, don't interact if you are a person with bad ideas (that kind of bad ideas. Go away)‼️

🌟Talk to me if you are a normal person (and if you're nice and send funny memes. Or if you want to talk about some fandom in common or something. We can also play some video games together or talk about philosophical things like "what's the point of life?" or things like "do aliens exist?")🌟

[gatheringbones]

[“…. right from its psychoanalytic beginnings, mental illness was connected to amorality, a legacy that is challenging to distance ourselves from, and amorality was connected to femininity. Although we have come a long way, assumptions about the superiority of rationality persist in our field, at least within Anglo and Western dominant paradigms. For example, the field of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) rests on the assumption that we can literally exercise mind over matter. CBT does view a connection between thoughts, emotions and behaviors but mostly intervenes at the level of thoughts and behaviors, trying to change “distorted thinking” and “maladaptive behaviors.” There is an almost unspoken assumption that “rational” thoughts and behaviors are always morally superior and to be preferred in the field of mental health.

It is no accident, in my opinion, that rational thoughts and behaviors are stereotypically associated with masculinity and, more specifically white and Anglo masculinity. Even though gender seems to be but a minor branch of topical interest in psychology and mental health, gendered assumptions run deep in our field. It’s rare that anyone questions bold assertions, made by mental health providers on a daily basis, on how “men and women work.” Those assumptions are, after all, foundational to many theories and approaches.

Even when gender is not mentioned at all in certain theories, in practice people tend to apply them differently with “male and female” clients. It’s even rarer that the whole premise of two gender is put into question and, when it is, it only seems to pertain to transgender and/or nonbinary people, leaving the main tenets of gendered thinking in dominant culture untouched and unquestioned. Mental health with and for transgender and/or nonbinary people then becomes its own specialist branch, which means the rest of the field can continue undisturbed in their assumptions about men and women, as long as we keep to our turf and don’t shake the cisgenderist foundation of the whole discipline. This too is a colonizing and capitalist approach. If we’re kept separate from one another, we can be better controlled and, most importantly, there can be more specialties, and therefore more certifications and trainings to be sold and bought.

Even in the field of family therapy, where systemic thinking could open a different conversation about gender, all too often we fall back on established stereotypes and pseudoscience about gender as a rigid binary. Yet, I have found that when I can support people in connecting genuinely to gender as a historical, social and cultural construct, a better understanding of one another can emerge across differences that are made to look chasmic by people who are invested in selling solutions specific to “men,” “women,” and “transgender and/or nonbinary people.” Unfortunately the discourse that men are from Mars, women are from Venus and trans people from Transylvania (at least according to The Rocky Horror Picture Show) is familiar to people and, like many other popular discourses, is reproduced effortlessly by providers and researchers who are also brought up within these dominant paradigms.

Sometimes people acknowledge that what they’re working with are issues like toxic masculinity, but they’re reluctant to then broaden the lens to indicate how larger systems support the reproduction of such harmful, colonial binaries. This means that, ironically, while working to dismantle toxic masculinity, they also keep reifying it by framing their work as being with “men” or “boys.” I can understand how the latter is more marketable than the “smash the colonial patriarchy” approach I am proposing in this book but I truly believe that if we don’t start questioning the rigidity of the gender binary altogether, for everyone, we will keep running around in circles to find ourselves in the same places, or maybe just a few inches over to the left.”]

alex iantaffi, from gender trauma: healing cultural, social, and historical gendered trauma, 2020