#what an absolute WASTE
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The goddamn neuropsych cancelled my appointment and rescheduled it without telling me. The doctor said he’d be in around 10 and is now in a meeting, haven’t seen him. I have all the wires off at least but what I thought was a reaction was in fact my skin coming off, so now I have a small slice of flesh taken out of my side and collarbone. All the time I’ve spent waiting on doctors to come in might’ve been spent showering and getting super glue out of my cuts and hair. What a fucking nightmare.
#not even to mention the cab I paid for!!#have to keep changing the times because the people here are so slow!#and I STILL don’t have my voice back#I’m still coughing…#what an absolute waste#the doctor isn’t even going to prescribe me what I need#he’s again one of those people who ‘doubts my diagnosis’ because I’m not in a wheelchair and can hold a conversation#which he’s ‘never seen before with someone with your disorder’#OKAY SO ITS RARE AND???#doesn’t mean I still don’t need medication to KEEP ME ALIVE.
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ok the thing is, I KNOW yamato is not a straw hat so whatever bullshit excuse oda comes up with to reverse this i know is going to piss me the fuck off
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Listening to Kevin Pollack's Maisel podcast because he interviewed Zachary Levi and I am once again mourning the wasted character that is Benjamin Ettenberg
#what an absolute WASTE#both for character and couple#and their chemistry was everything too#the marvelous mrs. maisel#benjamin ettenberg
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why. what motivates man to do something like this.
#he already made the previous record holder why keep pushing it!!!#''Ingestion of a Pepper X chili causes intense abdominal cramps.''#what an absolute waste
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modern au and esen’s honkers are haunting the instagram feed
#id in alt text#yea this was inspired by That watermelon smashing vid#if u don’t know what i’m talking about you’re living a more peaceful life than i am#at first I was like hm maybe this is a bit too ooc for ouyang#then I remembered the 'doEs GeNerAL Xu pLAY thE FLuTE???' and I was like nah ok it checks out#no filter & accidentally revealing how much of a gayass he is is how he rolls#also rip Ma she's just trying to hang out with her boygf and that hideous Pest that Wretched Thang that useless twink#just manifests wherever zhu is and ruins the mood#she deserves to hatecrime him as much as possible#also I don't think esen is 100% aware he's posting blatant thirst traps. his insta is mostly pics of his horses and his beautiful eagle#then one vid of him doing mounted archery that breaks the internet for 3 weeks#rinse and repeat#also yeah wang's special skill is starting shit in the comments section#he would absolutely thrive in the toxic waste that is social media fights#ty for reading this far. more unhinged takes at 5#esen-temur#zhu yuanzhang#ma xiuying#general ouyang#the radiant emperor#she who became the sun#he who drowned the world#my art
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will you listen to his last song
#xdinary heroes#kim jungsu#xdiztober#jungsu#for day 16 ghost !!#ghost kim jungsu . sometimes you can hear the piano echoing through the concert hall but no one's there...#also ! just my personal rant! i think we need to explode ai. what a slog of a time we live in. i looked up “broken pianos”#which i didnt use ultimately#but the absolute slop i found on images from ai websites. i hate you i hate you i hate you. waste of my fuckin time
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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#using 'them' because obviously not all transfem folks (myself included) use she & her#add this one to one of my more super hot takes even if it's true#stop canceling trans women over stuff you absolutely get it up for#also making this because of recent events & no I won't elaborate even if you ask me to#and no I won't debate the ethics of adults playing pretend with you as that's silly; a waste of my time#and is also just not what this post is about; you'd think that'd be obvious but watch people not care anyway#feel free to send asks though It's up to me whether or not I want to answer them#this double standard is never done in good faith & is most assuredly transphobia 100%#marking this post as all of the things because I know the people on this site can't behave; I've seen it before#yes you should reblog this btw; this also happens on twitter & reddit I'm sure though I have no twitter#mine#op#fauxcest#sibcon#step mom#siscon#brocon#sibcest#trans memes#transgender memes#cw adult things#cw adult stuff#tagging all of these just to be safe
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Reading an article on how no one truly knows how to read a book front to back anymore is making me so terrified I literally don’t gaf if I’m a biochem major it’s looking more and more every day like I’m going for that literature master’s degree for no reason other than to feel something
#No I’m not kidding like HUH!!!!!#Chemistry always made the most sense but fuck that a lit masters is what I need#Like I can get chem pubs still who cares#I can take a lit class then detour to my organic chem lab I can make it work I was built for that kind of dichotomy#I will NOT allow my reading skills to atrophy just bc I’m in a science field#NO!!!!!#No omg#I have a BOOKCASE#I’m literally scared#I literally need a lit professor to yell at me#Or I need to unironically download pdfs of rhetorical analysis and go to town but I’m actually scared#Like my biggest fear is being one of those ppl who read tons of books but absorb nothing#I think the one thing I refuse to have ruined for me is actually engaging and connecting w books#I’m being serious .#Clutching the kitchen sink trying to talk myself out of spending thousands on a lit masters degree#(It wouldn’t be a waste it would be so cathartic)#I’m speaking from a place of deep fear rn but it’s also absolutely a possibility
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"..this is what you wanted to show me?"
"Superior to your filthy earthan oceans, isn't it?"
"..shut up zim."
#zadr#zadf#iz zadr#invader zim#iz#zim#invader zim dib#dib membrane#irk#irken empire#irken architecture#i feel like irk doesnt have very many natural beaches left#but there are a few rare ones#and because of the irken allergies they are the clearest water you'll ever fucking see#no pollutants#no micro plastics#Irken laws make SURE their water is clear#they dump all their trash on waste planets anyway#irkens are such a prideful species you think they wouldnt make sure their planet is in absolute PERFECT condition?#all the more reason why what zim did during impending doom one was such a horrible offense#anyways i spent seventeen hours on this over the course of several days and my hands hate me#please enjoy it <3#p l e a s e.#my art
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Just started generic vyvanse and wow. No wonder it changed lives. They say it lasts more than 4 to 6 hours and then it DOES? Most adhd meds I've tried will wear off in 4 or 5 hours, so I'd often have to take another dose later in the day, but this shit keeps me going for a good 10-13 hours!
(This is just my experience! I'm just a guy I'm not a doctor disclaimer so uh don't take my word as law lol)
#with adderall i could take it a few hours before bed (bad. don't do this) and fall asleep while it was still active.#so id sometimes fall asleep unintentionally right after taking it and just waste it#but with this its like if i fall asleep it pauses? and then will work the remaining time. crazy what they did here#its absolutely a combination of the therapy and meds as well as stoping my weed gummies to get my baseline back to normal#basically i was relying on weed to give me the dopamine to acomplish tasks and face painful emotions. but i wasn't going to therapy so the#the problems just stayed in my brain.#i still think weed is great and can be a very powerful medicine. but it also can keep you stagnant in life.#so nows a great time for a long needed break
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freelancer and dear have made out on multiple occasions
send tweet
#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted audio#redacted headcanons#i’m talking drop of a hat#they’re on top of each other#all over each other#maybe it’s platonic#maybe it’s not#who knows#who’s going to address it#they certainly aren’t#gavin and lasko both think it’s hot#i mean what#who said that#poly damn crew#if you squint#they were each others new years kiss#full on move bitch to their boyfriends#i know those two get absolutely wasted together
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Also, can we talk about magic? i suppose they wanted to make the game more luring to new players, but magic used to be rare, closed under the lock and feared. Mages were feared and cosidered dangerous. Tevinter was an execption, not a general rule. How come people forgot only ten years ealier there was a regular war between mages and chantry, the very reason Inquisition was formed? Why is there magic, anciet elven magic behin every corner? It feels like reboot.
"It feels like reboot"
Because it is a reboot 💀 Or at least, it's the first step towards one.
Explaining how magic is seen in Thedas, all the different opinions and fears and hopes people have about it, would have been impossible in a single game clearly aimed at luring new players in. They put all the major pieces of explanation in the codex (one part of it is filled and complete since from the start of the game, because it's basically a catalogue detailing everything about Thedas), and let you play as a mage to your heart's content, with no strings, no responsibilities attached.
They tried to preserve some logic in Minrathous - there's mention of how Tevinter's families try to breed the perfect mages to rise in power and influence, so that's good. But you also see a "Noble" mingling with a "Civilian" among the fishermen, and telling her she shouldn't waste time and money on making things better for the poor people. What the hell is she doing there, then? Why isn't she in Minrathous proper, drinking wine and looking down on the poor districts?
Just around every corner, a few feet away from the closest tavern, Venatori are constantly putting up blood magic barriers. The same in the Necropolis, with the Venatori making camp just one door behind the main hub where the Mourn Watch is stationed. Everyone performs rituals, the Circles are barely mentioned, a Forbidden One is hiding behind a door in the Necropolis' main hall and no one ever noticed it before, not even Emmrich.
Statues of Fen'Harel and the Evanuris, elven relics and elven contraptions are hidden everywhere - everywhere. To show how vast and influential the elven empire was? That was probably the devs' intent. Does it always make sense? No. Is it for gameplay purposes, to fill the map with puzzles and stuff to find like in the 2000s? Obviously.
In Inquisition, there was an entire area of the Hinterlands ravaged by the Templars and rebel mages. The refugees were scared of walking the roads to find food because there was wild magic flying around. Rabid templars crazy on lyrium roamed the woods, and the Chantry was powerless.
Elven ruins were scattered around with sense, with a purpose, barely visible among the vegetation, forgotten and avoided, or almost forced to fuse with Chantry's buildings (just look at the Emerald Graves). There was a logic behind the NPCs' and props' locations in the world.
Here, there is simply no logic or consequence to anything ever. The Black Divine is never addressed, as far as I remember. Dalish clans have lost any distinction - the only elven faction you meet is that of the Veil Jumpers, which is a weird cocktail of elves who all know how bad the Evanuris are and random humans and Qunari. Yes, there are humans being allowed to guard ancient elven artifacts in a Dragon Age game. No, they are not called shem. Yes, they all get along swimmingly.
The Crows are not slavers and dangerous figures anymore - they're actually the heroes of Treviso! They treat their fledgling Crows with care and respect, no torture involved. Where did you hear such a preposterous idea? Zevran? Who's Zevran?
Taash says the Qun isn't a prison. How is that possible? They sent assassins after Bull when he defected. They hunt Vashoth and Tal-Vashoth if they dare leave, and if a sten loses his sword, he cannot return home, because his brethren would kill him, as "to a Qunari warrior, the sword is the soul."
So yeah, this was definitely supposed to be a reboot for Dragon Age, just like Andromeda was supposed to be one for Mass Effect. That's why everything falls flat.
#da:tv spoilers#dragon age spoilers#da:tv critical#sorry for being negative but heh#i had hopes for this game#despite the original developers leaving the team during the years#and the terrible marketing campaign#i really trusted bioware into giving us one last love letter#instead they were (probably) forced to go where the most money is#also to justify all the resources and time wasted#it's absolutely fine if you love the game!! good for you!!#enjoy it and have fun it's what games are for!#but please don't be blind to its faults#because it's clearly not a love letter to the fans as they claimed#and we have a saying here#“if you keep eating shit the waiter will keep bringing it to you”#so please don't treat bioware as the perfect company just because they added a photo mode or the hair looks fantastic#the game has glaring issues and not addressing them will only make bioware/ea keep making this kind of content#where everything is super safe and bleached to appeal to the biggest playerbase possible
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I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the end of her family name.
I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.
Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.
All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:
“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”
Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.
#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die)#elizabeth woodville#woodvilles#my post#to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not)#I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way#writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about#and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually:#the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another;#her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months;#how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old);#how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress;#and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft#(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was)#the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized#what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her.#(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether)#nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens#and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented#and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened#I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be?#apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared'#and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund)#rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least)#more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead#it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly#anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break#her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it#it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall#makes for a great story tho
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#gif#why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone#for what am I being punished#I am a good person#and I don’t think this suffering has any sense#it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way#and the sad people always just get more trauma#I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood#my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes#but i don’t know what to do about it#every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me#and we also didn’t have anything in common#so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out#and they deserve someone who actually fancies them#i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with#or who matched my preferences lookwise#it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person#and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone#as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole#I just don’t have any energy left anymore#I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore#I’m so so tired
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– What's keeping us apart ain't even real, your daddy, his religion, it's got nothing to do with us. – It's not just his, it's mine too. I've got the same spirit in me, why don't you see that?
Alice Englert and Walton Goggins in Them That Follow (2019), dir. Dan Madison Savage & Brittany Poulton
#them that follow#them that follow 2019#alice englert#film stills#walton goggins#film frames#film lovers#screencaps#cinephile#i'm still so salty about this film i needed to make an edit out of it lol#shitty things i do for love#they really tricked me into thinking it's gonna be 'the ballad of jack and rose' but make it *more* cultish american gothic#but in fact it's just a boring mediocre piece of nothing#you CAN'T you're not ALLOWED to cast my favorite people to play fatherhusband daughterwife cult leaders#and then chicken out at the last minute because you're not bold enough to sink your teeth into thought provoking topics#it's just ... sad and wrong and sad#it could have been it SHOULD HAVE BEEN such a poetic tragic metaphor for a child x parent indispensable separation#especially considering an absence of a mother and how the main character feels proud to take her place as the lady of the house#that is obvioisly delicious and semi unhinged but at the same time absolutely expected#because of her religious beliefs and her dad's behaviour????#or they could have gone with the dark fairy tale elements and make it 'the marsh king's daughter' au or whatever#'freedom! sunshine! to the father! i remembered my own father in the sunlit land of my home! my life and my love!' you know#BUT NO. what a waste of walton goggins and alice englert brilliance#fathers and daughters man fathers and daughters#a love of the rack and the screw and i said i do i do#the rejects the eccentrics the loners the lost and forgotten cinema club
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