#Irken laws make SURE their water is clear

[zootzar]

"..this is what you wanted to show me?"

"Superior to your filthy earthan oceans, isn't it?"

"..shut up zim."

[tiny-smallest]

the sun’ll come out tomorrow

Rating: G Characters: Tallest Mikyuki, Dib, Membrane Warnings: none Description: Mikyuki takes her charge on a little field trip, reflecting about her current situation along the way. On the way back, something catches the toddler’s eye…

Also on AO3!

———

She really didn’t like the rain. Being the empress of an entire planet somewhat spoiled her, she’d admit. The blue eyed Irken squinted up at the sky from her seat at the window, scowling at the drops of water falling from the sky. Back at her old position as Tallest, should such an offending substance threaten her from a planet’s skies, she would have no less than a dozen Irkens at her side immediately with a number of things that could be used to ward off the downpour, and at least one would offer to atomize the planet for her.

She’d refuse, of course, but it was the offer that counted.

All right, in light of that, maybe she’s a lot spoiled. Even so, she can’t understand what anomalies this planet must produce so that acid falling from the sky would be a frequent occurrence. Or, perhaps even more unsettling, that its inhabitants—sentient and nonsentient—would be completely immune to its effects. Professor Membrane had nearly given her a heart attack the first time she’d seen it rain and he’d stepped outside into it; she was so sure based on that kitchen incident with the sink (that she would be taking to her death thank you very much) that he was going to melt. She had to admit she was jealous over his immunity to the water’s effects after she’d stopped fuming over him scaring her half to death. It didn’t look like she would be leaving this planet anytime soon. Her ship was far too wrecked; you could barely even tell it was a ship at some point. She’d be surprised she survived it, if not for the fact that she was a Tallest. Genes this good, she figured, gets one out of a lot of things.  

Apparently it even helped you survive a planet trying to punch you in the face with its gravity. Whatever. Miyuki was alive, that was the important thing. She was alive, and she had found an ally. She was forced to help him develop a smeet of his species so that she’d have an ally, but she had an ally.  

It’s better than nothing, and he was perfectly reasonable about it, and continued to be. The fact that she could and should skewer him should he become unreasonable was irrelevant and she refused to think on it anymore. Right now, she should probably be thinking more about the small creature tugging at her leg. Miyuki’s gaze turned from the wretched weather of this awful planet to the doe eyed toddler pulling on her skirt. She was silent for a moment; he was too short to see without looking up that he has successfully gotten her attention, and he had not looked up because he was too interested in the metal plating of the skirt. He poked at it with a tiny finger, scratching at it with the pitiful excuse that humans had for claws.  

It’s when he went to lick it that she cleared her throat and he, smart enough even at this stage of human development to recognize the sound for what it is, moved his eyes from the spot he’d selected for tasting to her face, tongue still out. “I am not food.” He squeaked. “If you are hungry, I will make something.” He tilted his head to the side. She sighed. “What is it that you want, Dilbert?” As an answer, he pointed to the digital clock in the cable box by the television. She raises an antenna in surprise. Membrane had said that thanks to his Irken genes Dilbert would evolve much, much faster than the average human smeet, but she had not expected a creature whose vocabulary was currently limited to “I,” “bottle,” “binkie,” and “dad” (she will ignore for the moment, as always, that the total words in his vocabulary are actually five) to be able to recognize the time, much less correlate the time with a specific event. Like the event that is supposed to be happening now but that Miyuki was entirely reluctant to do because of rain. “Dilbert, I think we will forgo our walk today.” A plaintive wail sent both antennae back. “No, it is raining. I do not like rain. It… hurts me. We will not venture out in it. Stop yelling.” The wailing continued. Blasted human smeet. Regular smeets could be irritating but at least they didn’t cry. They couldn’t. Human smeets, though, very much could and dear Irk please shut up.

Maybe agreeing to help his father make an heir was a mistake.

(Even as she thought it, something within her quailed at it.) Membrane was not here to help, Miyuki reflected with a frown. He was out for the day, at his laboratory, working on a new sort of teleportation technology that intrigued her and would very much like to pick apart sometime. Right now it was just her and the smeet. She would have to do something quickly if she wanted to keep herself from doing something she’d regret-

Wait, there was noise absent. Her eyes flicked from the crying child on the floor to the window. The patter of the rain was what had been missing for the past two minutes, and she had failed to realize it because of her focus on the much louder, much more annoying of the two sounds. Well then. The rain was gone but there would still be puddles. She scowled again, ready to reaffirm that she would not go outside today, but it turned into a grimace. 

No, she didn’t want to go outside today. But the human smeet needed sunshine and fresh air to grow properly—part of the requirements brought on by his human heritage—and now that it wasn’t actively raining, it would be prudent to give him what he needs.

Especially because it would make him shut up. “Fine, you win.” His sobs faltered and slow down some, and Miyuki shook her head, wagging a finger at him. “But only because it stopped raining. Wait here; I will go get ready.” She took swift strides to the doorway, and he followed on his clumsy little legs like the insolent creature he was. Typical. Something bubbled over in her chest and she let out a low laugh, shaking her head as she looked around the little bedroom that was hers now, so much smaller than her quarters at home. 

She, the Tallest, ruler of an entire planet, the greatest planet of the known universe, was playing smeetsitter to a hybrid that did not belong in existence, that was probably breaking about thirty Irken laws simply by being, and that could never and would never be accepted by either race should anyone learn what he truly was. All because she crash landed in the middle of universal nowhere and had no other way to return home but to suck up to the single creature on all of this backwards “Earth” planet that could help her so that he’d help her fix her ship.  

“I wonder,” she said to the toddler as she reached into her dresser for some Earthling clothing, “if someday you will also grow up to manufacture something that will try to eat me. I’ve had that experience once; I’m not…” Her throat tightened slightly  “… Keen on reliving it.”

His face remained in her head, however much it hurt that it did. Those big, eager eyes, the color of Vortian (and also, apparently, Earthen, which was just a delightful discovery) raspberries. That giant smile. Chirping voice that could turn to loud crowing at the drop of a hat. So very, pitifully small for an Irken, the smallest Irken on record; he should have died years ago when he was first hatched, or in training, but he didn’t. So enthusiastic and eager to please, so ready to prove himself, that he did everything and asked questions never.

The entire point of his job in weapons manufacturing was to keep him out of trouble, out of harm’s way. Far from a drone service, but as close to an Invader as possible. And he still found some way to screw it up, all in the name of…

“It’s for you, my Tallest! This is just a prototype, the real one will be much more deadly, much more worthy of being used by the Irken Armada! But, it, eh, felt like a waste to just throw it out, and it’s soft and squishy, and you like soft and squishy things, and it nuzzles and makes little chirpy happy noises, so I thought you’d like to keep it!”

Making her happy.

She looked over to Dilbert, now sitting on the floor, amusing himself by drawing patterns in the carpet with his little, round fingers.

He doodled when he was bored, too. 

Ugh. She had to stop torturing herself like this. Would he even be alive when she got back?

He survived this far. The brutal training, the initial activation, despite being too small… The Control Brains keep missing him entirely, even after talking with him directly…

Yes but he also has a penchant for disaster, and you’re no longer there…

Her insides squirmed. Dilbert was squirming. She shoved the thoughts from her mind and retreated into the bathroom with her things. A few minutes later she pushed the door open again, picking with distaste at the cloth and at the necklace around her throat. A simple blouse and matching skirt would ensure she blended in easily, and the jewelry added an extra touch of human normalcy, but she was still not entirely sure she liked wearing them. The clothes felt too light on her body, too loose. Still, dealing with clothing that felt oddly was much better than, say, being captured and dissected. Or being forced to flee for her life. She would put up with it.

Dilbert, mercifully still quiet, scrambled to join her at her side, taking hold of her skirt with one tiny hand. She scooped him into her arms, wincing at the human scent she still wasn’t used to, before carrying him from the room. He squirmed in her arms, cooing quietly, and didn’t resist when she set him down in his stroller. Kneeling beside him, she fastened him carefully into place and reached up to her necklace, pressing a button. 

The heat the hologram disguise generates tingled unpleasantly along her skin, but it protected her. At least in that way it was more useful than the clothes. And it was blue, too. 

She opened the front door and flinched when a blast of wind greeted her. Dilbert squinted his eyes at the sunlight peeping through the clouds, but showed no visible signs of distress, thanks to his father’s efforts to get the boy outside frequently.

She, however, was never going to get used to this ‘weather’ thing. Sure, sunny days she can manage, but wind tugged at her antennae and scattered scents! How was she supposed to get a read on her surroundings if she couldn’t pinpoint where anything was coming from? Then there was rain- rain was an abomination that doesn’t deserve to exist. Fog stung her face and whatever else wasn’t covered, and she didn’t like the sound of this ‘snow’ business. Or ‘heatwave.’  Apparently the snow thing would be coming soon, too. Ridiculous planet.

The air smelled sharp and the wind chilled her slightly. Maybe she should give up on this after all… No, no, think rationally. Did she have anything to deal with this? She did have a sweater, but she doesn’t like the feel of it- wait, yes she does! The coat! How did she forget about the coat!? It was only her favorite piece of clothing on this ball of dirt that calls itself a planet! Miyuki wheeled the child inside and, ignoring his cries of protest, left the living room to dart into her bedroom and fetch the black trench coat Membrane had purchased for occasions such as these. She grabbed the coat from the closet and pulled it on as she left the room, returning to the stroller and pushing it out the door. A quick pause to lock the door behind her. Not that she needed to with the intense amount of security, but might as well. And they were off. Finally She pulled the collar up around her mouth, using her other hand to steer the stroller around a puddle while hissing her hatred at the liquid. The sky was clearing, so more rain was highly unlikely, but even just the presence of puddles made her skin crawl. Stupid, Miyuki knows this; she was wearing boots and no water can get in. But still, who willing stepped in collections of acid even with protective gear? It took a little longer to reach the park and her steering had to get really creative occasionally, but eventually they left the sodden sidewalk behind for… soggy grass, mud, paths that are pocketed with more accursed puddles, and a playground that’s completely unusable due to how soaked it is. No, don’t shake a fist at the sky; you’ll look insane. Letting out a deep breath instead, she rolled the carriage back and forth slightly as her eyes closed, letting out a low hum. Well, the park wasn’t an option today. Was there anywhere else to take him where the little hybrid could spend at least an hour outdoors without too much water?

… Not… really.  The Irken groaned. Fine. Back they go.   Stupid Earth weather. With a huff she turns the wheels and starts pushing on the stroller. Dilbert was whining again, little arms reaching back towards the playground as he twisted in his seat, and her antennae shift back, a growl rising in her throat. If he was so smart, why couldn’t he see the water on the playground and recognize that it would be unwise to let him run about on such a slippery surface? “Be quiet,” she eventually snapped. He responded with actual tears, and her guts twisted slightly. Just great. Some children flew by on skateboards, bicycles, and scooters, nearly splashing her and the Dilbert in the process. She hissed before she could stop herself and yanked her body and the stroller back to avoid them, and just in time; one of the girls clipped the stroller with her scooter and almost fell off, having to hop off before the primitive devise could throw her from it, run awkwardly beside it, and then leap back on. Thankfully the water missed Miyuki, as the girl was going too slowly by the time she went through the puddle to spray it very far.

“Watch where you’re going, smee- CHILD!” Human vocabulary was strange and still refused to roll off the tongue with any ease. “Next time I swear I will take that toy from you and wrap it around your skinny little throat!” It’s was late; they were too far for their inferior human ears to hear her. Damn them to the deepest depths of the farthest black hole. Snarling, the Irken carefully righted the stroller, which she had pulled back in such a way that, had it not been for the straps, would have dumped its precious cargo onto the concrete. Dilbert was whimpering, little hiccups leaking out with big, fat tears. Blast it all. “Shhh, it’s alright.” Well, her tone wasn’t sharp, at least. “They are gone now, and should they return I will make them very sorry they did.” She watched as he scrubbed his knuckles into his eyes, chewing on her tongue. Perhaps if she had some candy, that might work, but she didn’t think to grab any before leaving the house. Which was a stupid move, she reflected, since the human smeet was the most accident prone person she’s known since him and candy was usually a quick fix anytime Dilbert gets a bump or scrape. Her antenna flicked. He was quiet. Why? Quickly she glanced down; he was staring at something. Blue eyes rose, and found his were locked onto a tiny black trench coat a mannequin in the shop window was dressed in. His little mouth was hanging open like he just discovered the answer to the meaning of life. “… Well then.  We’ve lingered here long enough.” Her hands returned to the stroller’s handles, and he cried out.  

“Want!” Of course he’d add another word to his vocabulary right now. It’s not like she was eager to leave or anything. Miyuki raised a hand to her face to place her fingers against her forehead, then moved them to her temple. Well, he’d seen it and he’d pitch a fit if she tried to leave without it. It’s small, right? It can’t cost too much, and I do have monies on me. It wouldn’t take long, either… “Fine. Let’s go see it.” She wheeled the carriage inside. Dilbert insisted on having that exact trench coat, and it was a hassle to convince the store clerk to take the coat off the mannequin, but Miyuki was nothing if not persuasive, and eventually she conceded and took it down for them. Then it was off to the tiny dressing room in the back, where Dilbert refused to allow her to accompany him into the room to help him into the coat. 

The toddler sure was a willful one, and Miyuki can’t help but wonder if this was a normal thing in human smeets, and if she should be proud or annoyed. She settled for a mix of both, the former somewhat begrudgingly. “Tah-dah!” She glanced up from her seat to see the tiny human-Irken hybrid in front of her more or less drowning in a coat made for someone twice his height. His eyes were closed and his smile was huge, showing off all his strange human teeth, and he had his hands on his hips, sleeves falling far past them. The sight was so weird and so amusing she couldn’t help but smile a bit. “You look stunning.” He beamed brighter. “Come, we should be leaving.” She went to remove the coat and he frowned, pulling back and hugging himself to keep the coat locked in place, making grumbling noises. She shook her head and took hold of his arm in a loose grip, carefully pulling him along with her until he moved his hand to hold hers, as she looked for the clerk. The woman allowed them to buy the trench coat—two hundred monies is ridiculous for such a tiny piece of clothing and Miyuki wished she could just steal the thing, but that would be a terrible idea—and they returned home, finally. Dilbert refused to take the coat off, and she allowed him to leave it on while she got supper together for the three of them.  

A Tallest, cooking. Really, now the universe had seen everything. Or would, if this hick planet was near anything resembling the civilized universe.

Membrane returned home, and laughed at the sight of his son, ruffling the little one’s hair. “That’s a great look for you, son!  What gave you the idea?” Neither of them expected an answer, but he surprised them. The tiny boy flashed Miyuki a giant smile and pointed to her. “Just like Mommy!” She almost dropped the plate she was carrying to the table. “… Son?” Membrane does not look nearly as shellshocked as his Irken companion; he’s merely confused. “… The coat.” Miykui’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh, he means the coat you bought for me in case of cooler weather; I’ve been wearing it a lot for the past few weeks but not the past few days… he must have remembered me wearing it frequently…” Dilbert nods. He looked so pleased with himself. “Like Mommy!” “Yes, it’s good to be like your mother.” Membrane patted his head before carefully peeling the coat off and setting the fussing boy in his high chair. “Now now, take it easy,” he cut in above Dilbert’s protests. “You can have it back when you’re all done with dinner.” They started supper. Miyuki for a few minutes stared silently at the meal. Just like Mommy. The way his face lit up when he said that… Maybe she was more ready for that other word in his vocabulary than she thought she was. Mommy. It wasn’t not such a bad word, really. The twitch of her lips went unnoticed as she began to eat.