#what am i now supposed to do tonight | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toestalucia · 3 months ago

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I FORGOT ABOUT MAINTENANCE

#stardust speaking !#MY WORLD IDEANS. MY STAR VERITAS. COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK i knew it was the 27th but ive been so busy today...#i didnt realize.............it was NOW.........#what am i now supposed to do tonight

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moeblob · 1 year ago

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Alright I told someone I would give propaganda for these two so here we go. As a warning, I didn't play mobile or Re-Mind soooooooo. Yeah there's that. I know they're apparently involved in past stuff but shhh.

So first off, everyone's weapon is super useful! Except theirs. Which I always thought was really funny? Even in Re:CoM Zexion's book was more direct than these two. I really enjoyed them just as the most indirect fighters? And figured they'd be pretty chill and after playing KH2 as a kid I'm like. I think Luxord would be most tolerable to music while vibing. He could play Solitaire or something while Demyx played music and possibly chatted. Therefore, my younger self was like "it's perfect".

ALSO CONSIDERING THEIR NUMBERS! And the line in KH3 during the scene where Demyx is like "yup I got benched", they've probably got a history. However, the number they get originally is supposed to be the order they joined. So with Marluxia and Larxene obviously tied together in the past, all I can think of is these two just being absolute bums wandering around pre-Organization and just hitch hiking their way into a cult. Which is also REALLY funny to me because what if they joined at the same time but Demyx got to be IX and Luxord is X.

Demyx would hold his rank over his head for the dumbest stuff (in my head canons of the past).

Like there's so many things we specifically do not know about these two so basically, until I'm proven absolutely incorrect in game (which might have happened and I just don't know) ! I think they'd be a good match.

And I mean, it's also just (gestures) LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE. Great designs and I think that's good enough for me!

#kingdom hearts #demyx #luxord #i really just looked at these losers when i played kh2 on ps2 and was like wow they should kiss #and now im many years older and i am still like wow they should kiss #also i was telling my sister i was trying to come up with propaganda doodles and im like #yeah its two guys what more would the kh fandom need ya know #and she looks at me and goes did you really just say they're two guys thats enough #and i was ??? YEAH?????? FOR KH? theres like ten girls and ten games what more do i get to work with #and she sat there listing games in the series (she hasn't played any but she watched me play 1 and 2)#and counted eight and then i listed some more and she was like ok you know what thats fair #but that said she said the funniest thing ever that i NEED to draw but its too late for tonight #so you guys will get more of them at some point #also im still amused that luxord in kh3 appears after demyx says hes benched #and proceeds to say WELL AT LEAST I WASNT BENCHED like super casually and demyx just ouch you were listening thats rude #like they're supposed to be vessels and yet they still manage to have a bicker moment over importance of roles

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purpurussy · 4 months ago

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago

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hour 14 of taking a break from art for the sake of my tendons: i am Wailing and Keening and Scratching Forlornly At My Tablet

#i dont know if im strong enough but i Need to be strong enough #cant continue doodling if ya wrist doesnt work #clenching my fists and chanting 'this is necessary this is necessary'#ive been going way too hard lately. unfortunately #curse this mortal body and its stupid bullshit mechanics that dont even work half the time #gonna cope by eating overly spicy soup and crochet #well no. i cant crochet. ten minutes of that hurts worse than scribbling for eight gay hours #to put it quite simply - but with feeling: FUCK!#absolutely unprompted #howling and sobbing and baying etc etc #i was gonna finish that commission tonight. then i was gonna start on something else i promised Days ago.#maybe get some doodles done for asks.#work on vines part 2.#but it oof ouch too much :/#what the hell am i supposed to do now #fold laundry? clean my room? read? WRITE? ha dont make me laugh #i havent written in 2 months and im not about to start now #(said immediately before screaming into a pillow)#maybe ill like... go through my replies for once... see if people are trying to talk to me...#see if im brave enough to Directly Interact outside of asks...

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weirdlittlefish · 12 days ago

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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

#sorry everyone another spiral/vent incoming #mental health been so bad this week I said fuck it and found a therapist #because I cannot keep living this way it’s ruining my life #like rn I’m terrified to go to sleep bc I’ve convinced myself of a blood clot in my arm 😐 and it’s like realistically it was probably just #cramping bc I did some crafts today in a not great position like in my head I know that’s probably what it is but then there’s always that #little voice saying what if it’s not what if it is actually a clot and you go to bed and die? and what am I supposed to do with that? just #go to bed? I cant. I know unfortunately tonight will be a night where I will stay up until I physically can’t anymore so yay so fun #and it’s like a bunch of little things add up to symptoms in my mind and suddenly I cant remember if my arm has always looked that way or #always been that red etc. it’s so frustrating #why was I cursed to be so stupid and annoying? ugh #not only that I’m extremely nauseous rn ugh #I had to buck up and put my grown man pants on and finally pick a therapist can you believe it’s the #same therapist I’ve been thinking about since I first started looking at the beginning of the year 😐 what is wrong with me man idk why I put #it off for so long but hopefully now I can get the ball rolling on this and work towards being better and maybe even being on meds and #I think it’s bc I didnt wanna do virtual but for rn that would be best for me #please god don’t let it be out the ass expensive #honeslty idek if it’s bc my mental health was bad this week I just had a lot of spirals this week and the past few weeks have been stressful #and I’m just so done with it like I got so annoyed I scheduled/requested appointments I’d been putting off out of fear and now this

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jrwiyuri · 1 year ago

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Guys I’m emotionally devastated by suckening ep 4 is anyone out here? Can anybody hear me?

#jrwi spoilers #||#I was thinking about his death and then I was thinking about when he first got turned and god #it’s so sick condi is sick in the head #emizel has always willingly just put himself in danger and refused to give up #he would have died the day he turned yknow? he would have fucking died. and he almost did #if it wasn’t for him biting that vampire back he would have died #and now he’s back in another dangerous situation refusing to back down and this time he DID FUCKING DIE #I’m gonna be sick #how many times do you think emizel has had people worry that he wouldn’t make it back #how do you think soda is gonna feel knowing that he’s really not coming back tonight. or any night. that it’s over #how does Arthur feel? he took responsibility for him explicitly he * told * him that things were going to go down why why didn’t he listen?#should he have told him more?#and shilo.. he didn’t even know he had a brother and now he doesn’t even get to know him? was what he said a joke? a lie? what if it wasn’t #what is he supposed to do what is anybody supposed to do #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO MAN???

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aria0fgold · 7 months ago

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I have... isat in mhyk brainworms ohmygod I can't believe you've done this (<-talking to my brain, cuz like why--)

#aria rants #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS THOUGHT THO?!?!??!!? OF ALL THINSG--#ISAT IN MHYK?!?!?!?!?!?????? IN AGONY! im an outlier in the isat fandom in the way #that im attached to characters of a book series in it and about to create a crossover #between a highly not at all wellknown media bout wizards like staaaarrsss cmon now #but like anyway-- the thing that set off the crossover-- ...its the... the way wizards die in mhyk...#yea its... its angst-- the reason i thought bout the crossover is the angst rlly #just thinking bout wizard frin turning into stones... Normal thought tonight lads

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pika-blur · 1 year ago

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sega went you know what. were gonna make it 3 bosses with telegraphing issues actually

#first it was supremes little turrent things that gave you an unavoidable damage cutscene if you never destroyed them cause the fight never-#tells you thats what youre supposed to do to progress the fight #then theres the new end fight where you Literally Cannot Target The Bit Youre Supposed To Cyloop Unless You Dodge #after the game made a really fucking huge deal about the perfect parry and youre constantly thrown perma damage orbs making you think thats #how youre supposed to progress #now its not knowing where the fuck the blue missiles are in a fight with a tight timer #who is making these i will find you #admittingly the fights with supreme and the end are way more egregious about it but at least i dont have to replay a whole fucking stage-#and hope that gives me enough leeway in the fight because it lasts way too long for the first run i did of the stage #sonic frontiers spoilers #sonic superstars spoilers #blurry babbles #i am upset gamers we are feeling it tonight #they should have just reset the timer when you get to the boss hhhhhhhhhhhh #they did this in mania i dont understand why they didnt just do the same thing here

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scarletcomet · 11 months ago

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#haha what do you do when you're having active suicidal thoughts? just ignore them?#i could sh instead and take my mind off it while still hurting myself but in a non life threatening way #i know i have skills i can use but what if i don't want to?#no i need to because i shouldn't kill myself tonight #im going to spain soon and ive wanted to go there for a long time #but i don't even want to go because i am so sick of always being so depressed #and i don't have to feel this way anymore if im dead #but i know i can't do that to my family so i have to keep myself safe and keep suffering #i am kinda thinking of different ways i can do it but im not thinking like specific details or a time frame so i think i don't need hospita #what would going to the hospital even do? best case scenario they admit me to 2 West where my doctor there can be my current doctor #but what then? we're already in the process of changing meds. she can make bigger changes at a time if im under 24 hr supervision #so i guess the goal would be to stabilize me and get me not actively suicidal. but what then? go back to residential or php?#or stay on the path im on now where im supposed to discharge from iop next week and continue tms and weekly individual therapy?#i feel like im going in circles and i make progress just to feel bad again. it never ends.

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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hi update things are fucking terrible and my eyes hurt from sobbing. lol

#purrs #delete later #not to liveblog and be tmi or whatever but i feel terribly alone and terribly miserable so this is in fact a cry for help lol. or really #comfort bc im fucking going insane. so for context last spring when i was still an intern another intern orchestrated this back channel #where everyone was supposed to talk shit about our supervisors (my dearest most belovedest mentors) and all of us hid it for months and it #all came to a head at asb 2022 because there was a lot of drama witb the asb student facilitators and our staff team. and it was sooooo ugly #and messy and horrible and probably played a direct role in one of my dearest beloved est mentors (who was the point person for asb) fucking #getting a new job and abandoning us in july lol 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 and so i became a full time staff member and me and my remaining dearest belovedest #colleague besties fucking carried the world on oh r shoulders and put on amazing programs as just 3 of us in the core staff and we thought w #we were doing a really good job with the asb 2023 leaders and that there were no drama dynamics or whatever and guess fucking what. tonight #we found out that half of them hate us for reasons we still don’t know and all of them are at each others throats and also some of the #participants feel a type of way about us. and i know i am being a fragile sensitive crybaby over it but i have had terrible cramps all day a #and have barely slept since ive been here and feel like ive been bending over backwards to support the leaders only to find out that half of #them think we’re evil and i just… i couldn’t take it. so i cried and now im beating myself up for crying. but it’s like come ON. i know we #did a pretty imperfect job of preparing them for this. and i should just take responsibility for that and not be defensive. but it’s like… i #have NEVER seen this program in person before or been part of the planning of it. i was just a student last year like all of you. and also #HOW many fucking times did we create space for you to talk to us and invite us in. and still this shit happened. and i just feel like a #failure. and i couldn’t react to that information in any way except cry liek it’s all so over my head and out of my depth and im not as #emotionally mature as my colleagues bc im the youngest and this is my first time dealing with this and i feel so incompetent and like i #failed. failed the first time by not speaking up when i was implicated in the stupid fucking Google form back channel situation last year #and now failed the second time by not being able to prevent this stupid drama bullshit from happening again and for not catching it. and jfs #like… im in excruciating physical pain and haven’t slept and haven’t eaten well and my life is falling apart and we were ABANDONED BY THE #PERSON WHO WAS RESPONDIBLE FOR THIS (i know we weren’t abandoned she literally just got a new job i just have psychological issues) and #we’ve been running at a million miles per hour with absolutely no break and now you’re mad at us and not even telling us and it’s impacting #everyone’s experiences but you want to pretend this is fucking high school and keep secrets. i am TIRED of drama. i am TIRED of this stupid #bullshit. and not to say this bc i don’t know if asb 2022 drama factored into her decision to leave but if it did i get why * left now. i #get it. bc this shit makes me want to jump out the hotel window. i do not want to face any of them tomorrow and deal with more bullshit. i #am emotionally unstable and incompetent and not equipped to deal with this in a mature healthy way. i want this to be over NOW. im done.#ok i think that’s it um. sorry about that i just needed other people to know i am suffering and i will suppress the shame i feel about that #just this once. esp bc i denied myself the opportunity for my colleague besties to comfort me while i was crying and i regret it now lol

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administer-distractions · 1 year ago

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#im going to preface this by saying this is all really vague and personal and not funny #but its a gigantic step for me in terms of recovery and my bestie is busy #and im filled with anxiety so my thoughts have to go somewhere so it goes on my blog #which is i think how blogs are kind of supposed to work?#anyway #a year and a half ago some shit happened that kicked off about eight months of steadily building relationship traumas #that i felt stuck in because i was doing dnd with the people actively making my life miserable #and theres so much god damn nuance that it makes it impossible to concisely explain what happened #but the end result is that i lost all of my friends and it really truly wasnt my fault at all #and anyway now ive been diagnosed with pstd over the whole fiasco #and tonight i sent a message to the person who started it all #basically like 'hey i wasnt able to defend myself before but i can now you abused the hell out of me'#but they were never of the notion that they were ever wrong #and theyre friends with people im still friends with #i know that i blew up the evening for their discord server #and based on what ive been told it doesnt seem to be going exceptionally well #but when i apologized i was told twice in no uncertain terms that its okay #so i am attempting to will my heartbeat back into my control #sorry for being all personal but also this is my blog so i guess im not really #i had to cask of amontillado the part of me thats a nosy bitch though so i didnt unblock them to see if they responded #ill get her out in the morning shes fine in there

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sysig · 2 years ago

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♥!

#Title because body text is too small to encapsulate my Big Celebration #So if you've been following along the breadcrumbs of my Real Life nonsense you'll know I moved last October/November #And since then a lot of my didn't-think-at-the-time-was-that-necessary-but-actually-turned-out-to-be-pretty-frickin'-necessary Stuff #Has been back away. Yes for six months. No I'm not happy about it either but literally what am I supposed to do about it lol #And one of those things was my hammock! My bed! My reading spot! My favourite place!#Well tied for my favourite place with my rocking chair but splitting hairs really lol #And we just straight up couldn't find it - found the base! But not the cloth-and-rope part the actual hammock bit #So we bit the bullet and just bought a new one - the old one had been fraying and snapping like mad anyway so it was time #And it finally - Finally! Arrived today ouq #It feels amaaaazzzzinnnnggggg ahhhhhhhh #I really want to draw my excitement but that would require leaving it - yes I am typing this while reclined and rocking it's delightful #And the airflow! Ah!!#The only problem(s) now are well a) I never want to leave it again lol b) it's rather large #And part of the reason we couldn't locate my Various Items was because I don't have a room yet - nowhere to put it #So it's just kinda....in the way lol #And then c).....my employer asked for a night shift. Tonight. And tomorrow. Out. So I can't sleep in my hammock :') Until Sunday #So :'D #But!!! OTHER THAN THAT!!!! Lol #Most importantly going forward I have my reading spot back ahhhhhhhh AHHHHHH #I'm gonna read so much!! I have so many reading plans!!!!!!#HAMMOCK!! AHH!!#Update: She called off ahhhhhhHHHHHH

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masonscig · 2 years ago

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i’m going to be stuck in a car all day so i will be spamming chop shop related reblogs NOW bc BITCH IT’S CHOP SHOP UPDATE DAY

#i literally have not slept. i am supposed to be up in two hours. to be on the road for nearly 9 hours. but i don't gaf #send me asks about my chop shop ships !!!!!! wait do you wanna see how cute their ship names are. look #sunfía / mazmona / florlani <3333 #rip to gg x aimee and del x four bc what the hell am i supposed to do with that. 'gay me' and 'door'. LIKEMDKGMKDFNKNDKDG #but also btw i will send people asks about their chop shop ships tonight when i'm settled in :) if im not hammered or asleep #okay shutting up now chop shop rb time #jade.txt

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diari0deglierrori · 1 year ago

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The funny thing about not having your close family with you is that because of it your uncles/cousins take like pity on you or something and invite you to things à tour de rôle

#was with uncle 1 until now and tonight I’m supposed to go to uncle 2’s house #I mean it’s mother’s day here #what else am I supposed to do

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torawro · 7 months ago

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not this being the first thing i see when i open tumblr……………….

every autistic person watching this episode of dungeon meshi:

#◟ 𖠵 ˒ ⊹ ݁ ִdiosa’s diary entry #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #okay so you just don’t WANT me to be happy ? no scratch that— CONTENT #now i’ll spend the rest of the day thinking about this #i was getting ready to watch the new episode tonight but now i just……#i immediately started crying when i saw this like my body grew weak i had to sit down😭😭#laios my baby what are you doing to me #feelings: crushed ✅#literally JUST had my lashes done and within 5 minutes they have been compromised by my tears #I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#how am i supposed to recover #how am i supposed to be normal #i CANT #bc ik now that laios is in anguish

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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#i think. maybe ill go to bed before 8 tonight #bc my brain. i can't deal with it. and im tired #but i should not do that bc i have things i need to do #like. theres an application due the 11th. but fuck it i might not send it bc fucking whats the point #why has it become so impossible to function? i mean. i kno why but its still annoying #and its like so crazy bc i just feel like im curled up on the floor with the broken pieces of my life and nothing terribles even happened #from an outside perspective its perfectly fine and good my insides have just rottef out #like i had to spend most of today plotting an experiment and i feel bad bc im just so. im so worried that looking after yhis thing is going #to hurt. its going to drain away hours of my time. i dont kno how long it take to deal with every single day for 2 weeks #ill have to water it at 7 and 5 and take measurements all day probably and im very worried about the amount of damage thats going to do #when it already feels like i should b careful where i step. and i feel bad bc im prob such a bummer to hang around like im so sullen faced #and i just dont care. like we had to make a decision bc we could do one thing or another and it would b answering 2 diff questions #and my boss was like. well which do u find most interesting. and i just. i dont care im more concern with the amount of psychic damage this #will inflict upon me so i just dont really give a fuck and that makes me so sad bc like at one point this probably would have been fun #and now im just bitter and it hurt and i jusr want to lay down and not get up #and im like how the fuck am i supposed to find a phd position when the enthusiasm for what i do now has completely burned thru me?#like hi yes r u looking for a new student? im dizzy and my life is falling apart even tho everythings my brains just on fire #but ya kno i think id b an asset to your lab! sigh... itll b fine i kno it will bc it has to b #ill visit the school i wanna go to. hopefully not make myself look like too much of an unstable moron and then leave this place #dragg my bleeding soul across the country to shrivel up in a different area code #somethings gotta give but lets hope it waits a couple months ya kno #ugh. im just tired. i should sleep. i didnt sleep enough last night. and i didnt relax on the weekend so ive got that i don't kno what day #it is type of vertigo. but tomorrow will b better. it will bc i dont want it to b worse #unrelated #i just want to study things that made me feel something. y doesn't that have to b so hard?#let me study slime. endless days alone with the green goo

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