#what am i even supposed to tag you as anyways
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
My Only
Summary: Hunter returns from a long deployment.
Pairing: TBB Hunter x GN!Reader
Word Count: 433
Warnings: None
A/N: I wrote this on my phone, so it's short, but I wanted to write something for Hunter. I'm not tagging anyone because of can't access my tag list on my phone. But I am going to tag @clonethirstingisreal happy belated birthday!
Hunter has been gone for, what feels like, ages. You miss him so much that it's like a missing limb. But you know that he'll return eventually. He always does.
So you continue as you have been. You go to work, you go to your yoga classes, you hang out with your friends, you make dinner â
And all the while, you're keeping an eye out for Hunter.
He has a nasty habit of coming home and not telling you because he wants to surprise you.
But you haven't seen any hint of him.
And then, late one evening, after you get home from yoga class, you realize that Hunter's armor is sitting by the front door.
You drop your gym bag on the floor and head deeper into your home, a broad smile crossing your face as you see him sitting on the couch.
âHunter!â
He grins at you and stands, which is a good thing as you fling yourself into his arms, your arms tight around his neck.
Hunter's arms close around your waist and he spins you around. âDid you miss me, cyare?â
You nod against his neck and then pull away to grin at him, âWelcome home,â
âI'm glad to be back,â he leans in and bumps his forehead against yours, âI missed you, too.â
âYou shouldn't go away for so long next time,â
âOh, is that right?â Hunter teases, âMaybe you could come with me next time.â
âThe Marauder isn't big enough for me to join your crew.â You remind him.
âYou can share my bed. You would anyway.â
You huff out a laugh and kiss him, âI think I'd rather stay here and wait for you to come home.â
âI suppose that works too.â Hunter kisses you, and then kisses you again. âMm, you smell nice.â
âI smell sweaty,â You correct, âI just had yoga class.â
Hunter hums quietly and buries his face in your neck, âYou smell amazing.â
âI need to take a shower.â
His arms tighten around you, âNot yet.â Hunter kisses you again, âYou can shower later.â
You tilt your head, slightly confused.
âI've been gone for months,â Hunter murmurs as he drags his lips down your throat, âWe should have a proper welcome home.â
You giggle and tangle your fingers in his curls, âWell, I'm not going to say no.â
Hunter's grin widens, âGood.â Then he carries you into the bedroom and drops you on the bed.
You're not going to be able to shower for, at least, several hours.
You don't mind. You've been looking forward to this reunion for months, after all.
#star wars#tbb#tbb hunter x reader#hunter x reader#star wars fanfiction#x reader fanfiction#gn!reader fic
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
wip tuesday
thank you sm @pikapitou for the tag to share a snippet <33 i wish i had a 8x08 coda to share as well but i only have one wip with actual words at the moment-- and it's barely in progress-- but! this is the one that groom was supposed to be happening in :) hopefully posting this will motivate me to finish it one day
i believe everyone around me has been tagged already so i am extending this to my multifandom writer mutuals whom i love so dearly-- @queerofthedagger, @ttaibhse, @adhd-merlin (hi it's svenja, haha). sorry if you've been tagged already đ§Ą
All he focuses on is the wet, soapy glide of Eddieâs solid body where heâs pressed against his back, the scent of their shampoo. He allows himself to be washed, gentle hands, palms and fingers pressing into tense muscles at his spine. They do this sometimes, after long, long days whereâ well. âBaby,â Eddie whispers into the juncture between Buckâs shoulder and neck, into the little cluster of freckles there that Buck had never even noticed before Eddie pointed them out. âWhat, not sugarplum?â Buck asks, smiling to himself, and itâs the first thing heâs said in a good hour. Eddie chuckles hotly against his skin, pushes his nose against the space behind Buckâs ear, breathing in. âYou like that?â Buck, blushing, doesnât really need to admit that heâd be fine with Eddie calling him whatever. âNo,â he lies, and straightens his mouth into a disapproving line even though Eddieâs behind him and canât see. Heâll know itâs there, anyway. âDonât make that face.â Buck rolls his eyes. âIâm not making a face,â he says, and Eddie hums. Buck, all of a sudden struck by a wave of pure, unadulterated affection, puts his palm flat against the tiles in front of him so that he doesnât slip. The steam is getting to him; he needs to eat something, and sleep. But Eddieâs behind him. He wonât let him fall. âThanks,â he murmurs, solemn, meaning for everything. âWe should take a trip,â Eddie says, âget away from it all.â
just something sweet and domestic :) đ
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've had this pose ref saved for a while and the Superman set photos just gave off the same energy đđ»đđ»
The reference is this photo of Katharine Hepburn as Antiope and Colin Keith-Johnston as Theseus in the 1932 play 'The Warrior's Husband' (and I'd love for people to turn into a draw your otp meme pls pls pls this pose is so good)
And also, of course, the Superman (2025) set photos
#superfamilyweek#superman#dcu#clois#lois lane#clark kent#i was actually gonna post this a few days ago but then i found out about the superfamily week#it wasn't made for it but i hope you can accept this humble offering even if it doesn't really fit the prompts#art#digital#fanart#live-action#dc#regular#final#colour#this actually from june when the set photos came out and i just got completely obsessed and went into a clois haze#it all looks so good though!! the whole thing!!!! i'm vibrating with excitement just thinking about it!!!!!!!#if this film isn't good i'm gonna be sooo disappointed you guys have no idea how much i'm looking forward to it#but anyway. ART RAMBLES: as i mentioned on the tags of my last drawing this piece gave me SUCH a headache#i think it's probably cos it was just supposed to be a quick sketch so i used a more stable pencil brush#but then i really liked it so i decided to properly colour it instead of just doing the watercolour thing i usually do for sketches#but with finished pieces i like the lineart to be kinda messy and the sketch to even show through bit#and since i used the more stable brush for the sketch it ended up looking WAY too clean. not like my stuff at all.#so i just started throwing stuff at the wall to see what could make it more interesting. full background! actual lineart! texture layers!#and this here is what i was the happiest with. i don't... love it though. it should be looking way more interesting given the pose#and then i also did the purge girl halfway through this and it looked SO good right out of the bat (pun intended)#so i went a bit into a spiral. did some realistic stuff i'll post soon. and now am trying out a thick black lineart style.#(i'll definitely still use the coloured lines for the sketchy watercolour stuff though. it just looks way too cute)
181 notes
·
View notes
Text
I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain âX character has Y thoughts and Z behaviorsâ there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
About Genshin Impact and the technology of Teyvat
We get a kamera at the start of the game from Xu for the âSnapshotâ world quest. In it Xu remarks that the kamera is a new invention from Fontaine.
Xu shows surprise at the Traveler knowing what it is, this supports the idea of the kamera being a new invention meaning itâs pricey and rare to have at this point. Later on, on the Travelerâs journey, we get quests to take pictures of things. This could mean that the kamera is becoming more widespread a time goes on, or just the knowledge of it.
During the 4.3 Fontinalia Festival the focus was placed of films. This was an attempt by the Fontaine Film Association to introduce films to the populace, making the main point of the festival the films produced for it.
This would give idea to films still being a new invention, as they arenât widespread, just like how the kamera was at the start of the game which was about 3 years ago. And based off of Furinaâs Character Demo âFurina: All the Worldâs a Stageâ we can assume that the films recorded were black and white in quality. Unless, we assume that the mini-games during the 4.3 âRoses and Musketsâ event were canonical in the way they showed the film quality. No noise was shown in either, but one was in color the other not.
This gives us an estimate of where â technological advancement vice â Teyvat is compared to our world. Films started becoming a thing at the end of the 1800s and start of the 1900s. Colored film started showing up around the 1930s, but became more accessible and profitable later on. Films started getting sound added to them around the mid-to-late 1920s. This gives us an estimate of around the start of the 1900s placement vice.
Now Iâd like to bring up Khaenri'ah. It was heralded as âthe pride of humanityâ as said by Dainslief. Khaenri'ah has more than one notable scientific aspect linked to it, one of these being the âField Tillersâ aka Ruin Machines. Ruin Machines vary from âsimpleâ Ruin Guards to a Ruin Serpent(s).
Ruin Machines seem to have been around for a while, since the Archon War even given the Ruin Hunter stored by Guizhong in a domain. This means that the technology may have been around for 1000s of years, likely being used as a defense method during the war and preserved thereafter. The knowledge of this technology didnât spread much beyond Khaenri'ah, this showing through how the people of Teyvat started calling the Ruin Machines âRuin Machinesâ after they spread globally after the Cataclysm.
Around Sumeru there exist three giant Ruin Machines called âRuin Golemsâ. These were giant mecha style machines were piloted by a crew of people, and â get this â include a colored screen. By screen I mean the type of screen youâre viewing this through, footage from outside the Ruin Golem being broadcasted to the screen to allow the people piloting to see where theyâre going or what theyâre doing.
During the âVimana Agamaâ world quest that was apart of the Aranyaka quest line we can go into the Ruin Golem in Devantaka Mountain by Port Ormos. There we can use the actual screen and see through it. This being a machine that has sat unused for hundreds of years. And its screen is still in working condition.
So, simply put. Khaenri'ah was very mechanically advanced.
BUT!
I have yet to mention the Terminal Viewfinders in Fontaine. You know, those eye ball machines you use to transfer energy to terminals in puzzles in the Fontaine Research Institute area. You know, the machines with working colored screens. Mind you this isnât technology youâre able to find all through out Fontaine, only in certain areas usually accompanied by a researcher from the Institute. So it would be more comparable to machines found in laboratories and not accessible to common people.
But still. At the very least Fontaine is near the mechanical advancements of Khaenri'ah either a few hundred to thousands of years ago.
And I have yet to mention everything going on in King Deshretâs places in the Sumeru desert. And Iâm not going to go into more than this mention because that is a headache I have yet to even get around to in game.
TL;DR Khaenri'ah was very technologically advanced to the point of hundreds of years later working colored screen technology. Fontaine is around that point with the Research Institute while normal day to day people are around silent movies in advancement, while I have no idea whatâs going on with the Sumeru Desert.
#looking into this mess has made me even more annoyed with Khaenri'ah#what did you need the fucking war machines for. and why the code names. and also the weird decender orphanage thing#I just donât like the governing body or people of authority in Khaenri'ah pretty much#Dain can hype it up as much as he wants but I just donât trust it#also the whole abyss order bullshit#yeah but anyway#I got thinking about the technological advancements of Teyvat and got invested#genshin impact#genshin impact lore#teyvat#khaenri'ah#ruin golem#ruin machines#genshin lore#dainsleif#fontaine#Fontaine research institute#Genshin impact 4.3#lore#world building#technology#machines#Genshin kamera#what am I supposed to tag this as#lore discussion#hoyoverse#mihoyo#king deshret#sumeru desert#Genshin impact Field tillers
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
haha
it is SO rich for the jgy critical crowd to insist that it's the jgy stans who are being weird and defensive given /gestures @ all of this. like what's the opposite of defensive đ§ because that's what this is.
as i said to someone else earlier tonight, i'm manifesting the capability to climb through these anons' phone screens so i can chase them through their houses with a nerf gun. every little foam projectile will include a relevant printed out page from the EXR translation. probably with highlights and notes in the margins. maybe some frowny faces for emphasis.
anyway this is why i'm insane
#salty peak sect đ§#i'm going to bed. maybe people will be less cunty tomorrow#probably not tho#also i don't WANT to block this confessions blog because i like the people who run it#and i enjoy snooping on fandom drama that doesn't involve me. i mean who doesn't#'i don't ray' you're a liar. yes you do. everyone loves to snoop on drama that doesn't involve them#anyway at this rate i think i'm going to have to block this blog just because it's currently besieged by a cohort of fun ruiners#and even tho it's tagged 'anti j!nguangyao'#all of the posts still end up in the regular fandom tags anyway đ„Č i am not looking for them#they just show up whenever i go into the tag looking for new fanart or fic recs#edited to add: also. jgy's watchtowers ARE demonstrably different from wrh's supervisory offices#there is so much evidence in the text demonstrating how they are different#but i suppose if you're already this committed to interpreting everything he does#as being the actions of a man who is just as corrupt and evil as wrh and jgs#then it doesn't matter what evidence from the text we put in front of you
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
mindless rambling in tags don't mind me
#not art post#rambling in tags because i can and its MY BLOG#anyway its about tdp *waits* ok for the three of you that actually care#someone retweeted one of my threads from 2019 after s2 dropped (imo the BEST tdp season) and i reread it#and tbh i am still right about viren's characterization#obviously canon changed some things but TO BE REAL..... i dont care what the writers say bc i had beef since s3#how am i supposed to believe any viren and callum parallels and callbacks when they..... havent talked since when?#and uhhh viren's demise lol i expected it but wow i am not happy with the lead up to it#more cool and eloquent people put it in better words on twitter and probably tumblr too idk i just say things and hope they make sense#anyway viren is still the very real traumatized angry severely depressed old man from s2... his life was just revealed to be so much worse#like damn. he was poor he was orphan he got divorced and then a stupid mirror started ruining his life even more#yes the mirror was the start of it why do you think aaravos revealed himself after viren's firey break down#aaravos went i can make him worse and ran with it#should viren go to prison? yeah i never once denied that lmao but god he and his family were really the ones to suffer in the show#at least viren is gone so i can just *plucks him out of the dirt and morphs him into my own oc* (im for real)#i got maybe more to say but this is long and im lazy and im not too smart so i will just move on#i will watch s7................................... i GUESS and if you find salt i will probably be there lol
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to get into discourse mode on here but the recent shit w/ ao3 being once again called out for being run by racists/genocide supporters and seeing so many fucking Absolute Gormless Shitheads blindly defend OTW and going " dOn'T bRiNg FiCtIoNaL PoLiTicS iNtO tHis!!!111!1 " as if they are not immune to propaganda is wild . my siblings in sin , ao3 is literally The Racism Fetish Fanfiction site , and propaganda via fictional work is exactly how racism perpetuates. ao3 and the otw are a part of the problem whether you choose to acknowledge it or not because they contribute to the cycle of violence , fetishisation and colonisation of marginalised groups via complacency (and sometimes even blatant PASSIVE ENCOURAGEMENT) , and then they cover it up by using soft cutesy buzzwords like " anti-censorship " and " free speech " and their dumb ass complex tagging system to appeal to white people , so when Actual Minorities and people affected by the shit they put on there speak up about it they're met with all kinds of bullcrap about "jUsT bLoCk ThE tAg If It'S a PrObLem1111!111" or "YoU'rE jUsT bEiNg a fAnDoM cOp!11!!"
You're a part of the problem if you support ao3 and actively continue to use it & donate to them , especially in the wake of the OTW being actively chockful of zionists who will , ironically , silence those who speak up and rally with Palestine for liberation . And If you decide to take this as me being hostile towards you or trying to " bring fiction into real world issues " , remember that at Any point in time you can go on ao3 for yourself and find thousands and thousands of raceplay fics and other various works that glorify and condone racism , and that the otw and their large userbase (primarily composed of white people!) has a track record of trying to shut up POC when this issue is brought to light .
Idgaf if ao3 is for " anti-censorship " , because there's a difference between anti-censorship and HIDING BEHIND the concept of free speech and the 1st amendment to do and say awful , horrendous things and believe you're above critique , punishment or consequences for it .
tl;dr: fuck ao3, fuck the otw, free palestine, and most importantly: you are NOT and will NEVER be immune to propaganda if you choose to ignore it because it benefits you.
#the captain's rambles#ao3#archive of our own#racism cw#free palestine#đ#otw#ask to tag#also its dumb to request not bringing politics into the topic of ao3#the concept of anti / pro-censorship Is a political statement#anyways. this isnt even touching on the nasty shit ao3 will let you put on their site about Real People (INCLUDING REAL CHILDREN)#mfs be like âyou guys are so worried about fictional kids!11!!â yeah cuz if thats what youre willing to write about fictional kids#then how the Fuck am i supposed to trust Your bitch ass with writing about Real Children in a Normal manner#btw ao3 / otw bootlickers who try n come in here and go ERM ACKSHUALLY will be shot at on sight by my rocket launcher#fiction bleeds into reality and can and DOES influence it you dickless jabronies . that's Literally why The Jaws Effect is a phenomenon#and why racist propaganda (like what the IOF spreads) is so effective#you cannot rally against the oppressor and side with them at the same time because âmuh fanfic siteâ#pick a side or get out you spineless fucks#oh and btw. if you try to equate this with just mindless discourse you're incorrect and undermining the larger issue here#which is Literally#otw and ao3 are built off of racist and arguably white supremacist values and THAT is why they fire people --#-- for having the oh so heinous opinion of âhey. racism is Bad.â and allow fics that condone racism and fetishise it on their site.#and post. this has been your once in a lifetime tumblr rant from sonic t hedgehog about why white people in fandom more often than not#fucking suck Butt Ass & absolute Balls#im gonna go shower and get some tuna now
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Preying upon a boy as a woman needs to be discussed more in medias" You guys couldn't even handle Marie-ThérÚse and Octavian I fear
#HEADS UP : I am not reducing the Feldmarschallin to either some evil mastermind or a morally pure character#She posses great nuance : she is broken - has been hurt and abused and has had her girlhood taken away from her#Having never known young love I suppose this is why she sought Octavian - to mend broken pieces of a girl she once was#THOUGH IT ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT! đ#Desperately wishing for these two to be together even by the end is strange and would for one be forsaking the whole moral of Rosenkav -#and for two it is just strange to wish for an ADULT WOMAN to stay in a relationship with a literal adolescent boy đ#They were never meant to last! Their relationship was slowly festering anyways - it does not invalidate what they felt in the moment!#There is beauty to be found in the fleeting and the broken#Their relationship is inherently complex and it absolutely cannot be bound to the term âhealthyâ but it does *not* nullify their feelings#Anyways it's not that deep at the end of the day -#but if you truly wish to understand their relationship it is crucial to acknowledge the imbalance between them#opera tag#Der Rosenkavalier#Anyways another case of âThe abused becomes the abuserâ âčïž
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fighting the battle against the brain weasels tonight, who are busy trying to convince me to do the thing that I know (think? hope?) I'll deeply regret come morning. Not sure if I'm winning or losing right now.
#airas life#the brain sucks sometimes#need to work through whatever is in my head right now#probably shouldn't delete everything I've ever written#and disappear#I actually like most of it you know?#and would be very sad in the morning#I don't think this is burn out#because I'm still enjoying writing and sharing and the process#I just... don't really know what's going on in my brain right now#but I shouldn't make choices like this when sick and tired#I'd say it's time for bed but that would require getting the brain weasels to shut up#and to stop crying#i don't even know why I'm crying#or why I feel this way#came out of nowhere#okay I'm done#I just had to say this somewhere#it was getting suffocating#but who am I supposed to talk to?#anyways the tags felt almost safe#pay no attention to the girl behind the curtain
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. tasteâ biasâ lore-knowledgeâ differing levels of chronic-online-nessâ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i saidâ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneckâą stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then đ one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me đđđđđ what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
the biggest thing about X6 is not that he doesn't think of himself as human (though he doesn't, and according to some it's correct) BUT that he doesn't see himself as a Person
#searching through the X6-88 tag on tumblr has not brought me joy#also. 1 thing about is that i hate hate hate the (i think) canon blue eyes he has. like. for fucking what#1st i saw them on tumblr and thought 'well thats stupid. whyd you give him blue eyes? so hed look special? thats weird. at least its uncanon#also. on god. i saw some post headcanoning the companions' appearances and it was p cool UNTIL they got to x6#and they gave him grey 'almost white' eyes for literally no reason. like if you want to go with the scary factor theres so many ways for it#but no. some people think that blue/grey eyes are sooo special. and for what#<- i have brown eyes but im not just being salty. it really sucks. i dont wanna be the one to call fandom racism but it does smell like it!#also like. i didnt want to go on a stupid tirade about racism in the tags again but the way fandom treats x6 AND preston is just upsetting#other people have made some very good points about it and im not going to repeat them here (also noones gonna read this)#but like... theres 3 'main' black characters that i remember: preston garvey (whom the stron majority of the fandom hates/disliked)#x6-88 (basically the players slave? also hated for being mean and unfeeling (which is justified imo). no quest no freedom no nothing)#and gloria (who i havent met in game but ive heard some actual criticisms of (like. the way shes treated ingame) and noone else talks about)#if theres any other Named and Important characters. sorry but i literally do not remember them#coming back to x6 being justified in being unemotional/mean. he was literally raised this way. he doesnt consider himself to be a person#being he was made that way. he is a Thing and hes meant for one job and hes made to inspire fear#and hes not supposed to have emotions so he just. doesnt. if he does he cant express them anyways#1 if fallout4 was a better written game (or 2 if x6 was white) i think thered be SO much fanfiction about him. the possibilities are endless#i have something brewing in the back of my head. i might start writing even though i suck and its going to be bad#ANYWAYS. general fandom thought on x6 are WRONG and im being a HATER. fuck everyone who doesn't like x6. if you dont like x6 get off tumblr#especially if you like gage but not x6. leave fr#i just woke up wtf am i doingggg
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tw ed#ed tw#tw eating disorder#downloaded a new app to track my meals and macronutrients and what not in order to try to hold myself accountable for overeating#which i feel like ive recently been starting to do A Lot#only to find out i am consuming on average less than half of what iâm âsupposedâ to according to the app which is literally designed for#weight loss goals and so already gives you a smaller allotment of caloric intake than you reasonable should have#plus when i set up the account i lied and said i never exercise bc i knew it would give me a smaller amount of calories than if i was hones#thought i was too recovered and swung the wrong direction only to find out i havenât even made it to my original goal#anyways all this to sayâŠ.#perhaps something to talk to my therapist about#sorry for ed posting if i missed a trigger tag thatâs more commonly used than these pls lmk iâm just trying to vent not trying to cause#others problems#personal
13 notes
·
View notes