#what I’m saying is writing this kind of scene is incredibly surreal

[raddishwrites]

Chapter twelve

[invisibleicewands]

Spooky monks and Michael Sheen murals: behind the scenes of new BBC drama The Way

Michael Sheen says he wants viewers of his new drama The Way “to feel like what it has felt like for the last 10 years of living” in the UK.

That is, “in a society where you don't know if you're in a horror film or a sitcom,” he told viewers at a Q&A for the show on Monday night. “Something that feels life and death stakes suddenly goes incredibly surreal and absurd, and then goes back to being incredibly scary again.”

The Way, which is due to air in February, follows the Driscoll family in the old industrial town of Port Talbot on the Welsh coast. Estranged from each other, they nevertheless have to set out on a cross-country odyssey to safety when they become tied up with civil unrest in the area.

In addition to making a cameo appearance in the show, The Way also marks Sheen’s first directorial role.

“I was never going to direct it. And then they said it's going to be in Port Talbot and then I have to direct it,” he joked.

“And the original seed of the idea was, I had this idea about watching a British family being uprooted and you didn't know why. And having to kind of flee their homes and go on the journey across Britain and then get across the channel. So it was a sort of refugee journey in reverse to the way we normally see it.”

It is also a passion project for the Welsh actor, who grew up in and now lives in Port Talbot himself – while the cast, who are majority Welsh, mostly grew up in the same area.

“There was so much of him in it,” said Steffan Rhodri about Sheen, who plays dad Geoff Driscoll (and who went to drama school with him). “I mean, you see a bit of Port Talbot. The one bit you didn't see is a massive wall with a mural of him on it.”

Was it hard to film the show without including it? “It was very hard,” Sheen joked. “We came very, very close – I mean, we were literally around the corner from it, and Callum made me go and have a photograph with it between takes. So that was difficult.”

‘Callum’ is Callum Scott Howells, best known for his performance in Russell T Davies drama It’s A Sin. He plays the disaffected Driscoll son, Owen – whom we first meet as a lonely figure looking for connection, and who gets caught up in the riots that sweep the town.

“It says in the script, James put something like, ‘we don't know why at this point, but he's feeling something. He’s there now, and he’s present’. And that for me kind of said everything. Like he doesn't he doesn't even know why he's rioting, but he's doing it,” Howells said.

“That was something that I really kind of threw myself into, and Michael was great in allowing me to do that. Yeah, those riot scenes were so fun, we just got to go nuts, you know. I headbutted a riot shield… because I’m nuts.”

The show itself also features the writing talents of James Graham, best known for political film Brexit: The Uncivil War and BBC crime drama Sherwood.

“We talked collectively about not wanting a traditional dystopian future, which was, which was really grim and bleak,” he said. "I think we all got excited by imagining the reverse of that... what if it was the myths and the legends and the folklores that embed themselves in our national psyche. Do they trap us? Do they inhibit us?"

The end result, he said, was a "contamination of genres." Not just social realism: the second episode becomes "a road movie, or an adventure movie on foot.

"So you start to see these elements of the myths and legends that the family carry with them become those stories we grew up with like Watership Down and Wizard of Oz, and it becomes very fantastical and weird."

[tadpolesonalgae]

Obviously my POS (Point of shit)

Honestly I have sisters and if my husband confronted my sister while he could smell her fear without talking to me first

I would throw a fit 💀 I would drag him to hell and and bind him to my house there and visit him after I’ve been condemned to spent eternity there

Anyway

I would have understood Mors reaction if reader wasn’t Feyres sister

If my bff of over ten years disrespected my suicidal sister and attacked her like that and spoke to her in that tone…

Let’s just say orange doesn’t suit me and I don’t think handcuffs are cute bracelets 🥰

So yeah Mor would have been done for me especially as an older protective sister

Im so happy you are motivated to write

You are such an amazing writer I think I’ve read all of your work and I am always happy when you post.

Also it’s so amazing how many of us love reader and want her to finally grow a backbone and move out it’s like some of us live through her

Being unhinged is a given with me 🙂

-🩰

‘I would throw a fit 💀 I would drag him to hell and and bind him to my house there and visit him after I’ve been condemned to spent eternity there’

This is one of those things that is kind of scary but also incredibly endearing and sweet in its own way :)

On the topic of reader and Rhys’ interaction, since I’m having some trouble with a certain scene I’m actually thinking of putting some of it in Rhys’ pov so we get a little bit more insight/clarification over his views on the recent events! 🧡💛

‘If my bff of over ten years disrespected my suicidal sister and attacked her like that and spoke to her in that tone…’

With this, I’m curious whether you’d prefer one of reader’s sisters to step in (or someone else in the IC, I suppose), or for reader herself to be the one to ‘fight back’ (in her own way, obviously. I can’t really imagine her losing her temper or launching herself across the table at Mor 🤭)

‘Let’s just say orange doesn’t suit me and I don’t think handcuffs are cute bracelets 🥰’

Another scary but endearing moment 🫢🧡💛

‘So yeah Mor would have been done for me especially as an older protective sister’

As a genuine question, what do you think of Nesta? Both post- and pre-acosf?

‘You are such an amazing writer I think I’ve read all of your work and I am always happy when you post.’

All of it???? 😳😳😳😳🧡💛🫂🫣 (thank you thank you thank you)

‘Also it’s so amazing how many of us love reader and want her to finally grow a backbone and move out it’s like some of us live through her’

Yes, how many people want either reader herself to stand up to Mor/Az/IC or to get away from them, or for someone else to fight for reader is really heartwarming at times? Seeing people be on reader’s side and want better for her is almost surreal in a way 🧡💛

‘Being unhinged is a given with me 🙂’

👀👀👀 a degree of unhinged is somewhat necessary to cope at times

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[writeroutoftime]

baby makes three

(gif created by me)

pairing: colin bridgerton x fem!reader (this is for the 3 anons who wanted to see a similar situation with colin being a father!)

summary: snapshots of colin throughout your pregnancy with your first child 

warnings: pregnancy 

words: 1.7k 

a/n: this is the story that kept disappearing in my drafts, but it has reappeared, which is why I’m posting 2 stories back to back! 😂anyway, this is such a sweet thought, and I adored writing it! hopefully it doesn’t seem too choppy, I just thought it would be interesting to write little snippets of colin and yourself preparing to be parents! (as well as some fluff once the baby is born!) anyway, please let me know what you think, and have a lovely day! 

oOoOo

the announcement 

“You’re what?” 

“Pregnant, Colin.” you repeated, unable to keep the smile off your face. “And you’re going to be the most wonderful father!” 

Immediately, Colin’s face morphed from one of disbelief to pure joy in a matter of seconds before he shot forward and wrapped you up in his arms. His laughter and lightheartedness was infectious, and your heart swelled at his reactions. A gasp of surprise left your lips as he spun your around before setting you back down and placing a chaste kiss against your lips. 

Growing up in the Bridgerton family, Colin always knew that he wanted a large family of his own one day. The day he had met you, he knew you were the one for him, and from that day he had imagined starting a family with you. Now, those dreams were coming to fruition, and neither of you could be happier. 

Once recovered, Colin quickly got down on his knees and lovingly placed a kiss to your covered stomach, staring up at you with intense love and devotion in his eyes. You reached down and carded your hand through his thick, chestnut locks, thinking how lucky you were to have someone like Colin in your life. 

“Hello, little bean.” he whispered sweetly. “I cannot wait to meet you, so you just stay safe and keep growing in there until it’s time.” Colin instructed, pulling a laugh from your lips. 

“Little bean?” you questioned the nickname for your unborn child. 

Colin shrugged with a sheepish smile. “Well, we don’t know if we are to have a son or a daughter, so I shall call our precious gift ‘little bean’ for the time being.” he explained as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.  

“Well this little bean and myself love you dearly, Colin.” you praised, smiling down at your husband. 

“And I, the both of you.” he vowed, offering your stomach one more kiss before standing up, unable to keep his lips away from yours. 

5 months 

Colin beamed as he watched you walk into the drawing room and sat down, admiring the glow that you seemed to radiate. The months were passing quickly, and now that there was a visible bump it made your situation feel all the more real. Of course, you had received so much love and support from not only Colin, but the rest of his family, especially the women who had already experienced a pregnancy of their own. It warmed your heart to know you were not alone in this endeavor. 

“Oh!” you suddenly gasped, quickly setting your teacup down and rubbing your stomach where you felt a slight discomfort. 

“Is everything alright, love?” Colin asked as he rushed to your side. “Do we need to call for the doctor? My mother?” he listed, worry glazing over his eyes as he hovered, waiting for your instruction. 

The movement repeated and with your hand rested over your bump, you smiled, realizing what had just happened. “No, no, everything is perfect.” you whispered, lost in wonder and awe. 

“Then what is it?” Colin inquired, still concerned and needing answers. 

Wordlessly, you grabbed his hand and rested it on your stomach, moving it around for a few seconds before pressing down. Colin was about to protest further until he felt the same sensation you did just moments before and his eyes widened at the spot his hand rested on. His eyes then flicked up to meet yours, and neither of you could contain the joy you felt. 

“That’s our little bean in there.” he whispered, voice shaky and eyes misty. 

“That it is.” you whispered, not wanting to disrupt the moment, though you let out a small giggle when you felt the baby kick again. 

“She’s going to be just as beautiful as her mother.” he said. 

“She?” you questioned. “What happened to little bean?” 

“Oh, she’s still our little bean, but I just have a hunch that we’re going to have a daughter to love and spoil.” Colin said, pulling you into your side and soothingly rubbing his hand up and down your bump, and that is where the two of you stayed for the rest of the afternoon. 

8 months 

The further along in your pregnancy you were, the more you found it difficult to sleep, tossing and turning as your child constantly kicked against your stomach. Luckily, Colin was always there to help you and even stayed awake with you on those restless nights. However, one night when sleep was achieved quite easily, you found yourself awakening to Colin’s soft voice. It only took a moment to realize he was talking to your baby, so you kept your eyes closed and your breath even, not wanting to interrupt the moment. 

“I can’t wait until I can hold you in my arms, little bean.” he whispered to your belly, hand supporting his one hand while the other ever so gently rested on your stomach. “You’re mother and I cannot wait for you to be in our lives, and you’re going to be so spoiled between your mother and I and all your aunts and uncles.” 

It was difficult to hold in a laugh as you imagined Colin’s words to be true. The two of you were eager to start your family, and the rest of the Bridgerton clan always enthusiastically welcomed another niece or nephew to dote upon. 

“Speaking of your mother,” Colin continued. “we are so lucky that she is in our lives. I know that this has been difficult for her, but you have been blessed with the best mother. We’ll both have to love and appreciate her as much as possible.” 

By that point, it was exceedingly difficult to keep your act up as you felt tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. How were you so lucky to have such a caring and attentive man like Colin in your life? It seemed as though your baby had been listening and agreed with Colin because right after he spoke, another sharp kick could be felt. 

“Are you giving your mother trouble, little bean?” he asked, brows furrowed as he awaited another kick. “What did I just say about being kind to your mother? It is not nice to kick her that hard, especially at night.” he reprimanded in the gentlest voice. “Even if she is pretending to be asleep.” he added with a smug grin, looking up to meet your eyes. 

Sheepishly, you looked down at your husband. “How did you know I was awake?” you asked, curious as to what it was that gave you away. 

“I could feel your small laugh earlier on.” he admitted, and shifted his body so that he was face to face with you instead of your stomach. “But I truly meant every word I spoke.” he whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss against your lips. 

When you pulled away, you couldn’t stop the tears that ran down your cheeks, moved by the love Colin always gave you. “I’m so lucky to be doing this with you by my side. You are going to be the best father, Colin.” you told him, your voice watery but sincere. 

Colin gently brushed away your tears and kissed the spots where tear tracks had been left behind as he entwined your hand with his. “I think I am the lucky one, love.” he countered, and curled into your side for the rest of the night. 

birth 

The moment you went into labor, Colin was there to hold your hand while sending out for the midwife and doctor as well as his mother. When the doctor tried to shove him out of the room, Colin held his ground and demanded that he be allowed to stay by his wife’s side; he was not about to leave you to fend for yourself at this hour. Hesitantly, the doctor granted his request, and you sighed a breath of relief, as Violet smiled to herself at the sight, her heart warmed at how dedicated the two of you were to each other. 

Hours later, filled with blood, sweat, and tears, you were propped up in your bed, gently holding your daughter in your arms. It was a tender scene between yourself, Colin, and y/d/n. Colin held you in arms and kissed the top of your head while gently stroking his daughter’s cheek with his thumb. It felt surreal that you child was now here and that your family had grown to three. 

“She’s beautiful.” you said, voice barely above a whisper, unable to tear your eyes from your daughter. 

“Just like her mother.” Colin responded, squeezing you a bit tighter. “Thank you, y/n.” he suddenly said, causing you to look up at him. 

“Whatever for?” you asked. 

Colin took a moment to collect his thoughts before he spoke. “For starting our family, for being so strong to support our daughter until she was ready to meet us, for making me so incredibly happy every single day.” he listed over, each one more passionate than the last. 

It was already an emotional day, and you didn’t think your heart could feel any more full, but as usual, Colin found a way to prove you wrong. “I love you so much.” you told him, and he leant his head down to rest against yours as the two of you spent the next couple hours admiring the newest addition to your family. 

Later that night, Colin found that he could not sleep, the excitement and adrenaline of the previous day’s events still coursing through his veins. Carefully, he untangled himself from your embrace and padded over to the bassinet in the corner of your room where your daughter slept. He knelt down next to her and simply watched as she slept her first night. A few minutes later, your daughter opened her eyes and met Colin’s gaze. 

“Hello there, little bean.” he whispered, not wanting to frighten her or wake you up. “I just want to let you know that I love you so, so much, and I’m always going to be here to protect you.” Colin promised as he offered a finger for your daughter to grab a hold of with her tiny hand, ready for everything the future would bring. 

oOoOo

tagging: @dreaming-about-fanfictions​, @elennox03

[sitp-recs]

(Perfect artwork for Modern Love, by @cambiodipolvere)

Today is the day of one of my favorite people! And I totally resent @tackytigerfic and Starry for almost sharing the same birthday, god the STRESS 😂 Tacky is my first and closest fandom friend. We clicked together so fast and easy that sometimes it feels like I’ve known her all my life, like we’re two dog moms living in the same neighborhood who happen to read fic in their free time. Despite our conflicting time zones and crazy schedules we manage to chat every other day, tagging and sending each other all kinds of stuff, coming together to cry scream about a brilliant fic we’ve just read or shaking our heads in embarrassment at every other unnecessary bullshit post. Tacky’s bright and wise energy uplifts my spirit even on my moody days, and makes me grateful for her friendship and for this fandom life. Okay so this got long and I had to put the rest under the cut:

It’s such a lovely and precious thing, to have someone with whom you can share every single thought that crosses your mind, your scariest, most embarrassing, petty or disturbing idea, without fear of being shamed or judged by it. I trust Tacky with all my heart to hear me out, share a joke or a piece of advice, even on the (rare) occasions when we don’t get the same perspective - that doesn’t happen often when it comes to Drarry, as we are taste twins!

Tacky my darling, you’re such a good person, and such an incredible friend. Thank you for introducing me to this lovely community, for being my safe haven and your unique self, with so many qualities I admire and feel inspired by: kind, witty, earnest, wise, and so very human. I love your humour and empathy, and your chill yet no-nonsense personality; I love your talent and how articulated you are; I love your passion for Drarry, and how you let this emotion inform the way you navigate the fandom and create for it. And god, but you’ve been creating some of the most beautiful content I’ve seen in these recent years! I’m permanently in awe of your ability to write Drarry in any shape, format or length, transforming even the most ordinary moment into an extraordinary and meaningful piece of character or relationship development. You know how you mentioned yesterday that some authors change the way you feel about a ship in a deep, definitive way? Well, you are that author for me. Your works made me fall in love with M-rated contemplative romance, and also allowed me to fall in love with Harry in a way I never thought it was possible before.

Some people - myself included - got to know you through the fun and intriguing A Lick and a Promise, others through the atmospheric and sensitive Modern Love, others through your contemplative and heartbreaking short form. Each story has its merits and purpose, and all of them share a Tacky trademark: the heartkick factor! Your talent has no limits and goes across different genres and tropes, that you explore with a bold twist full of personality and heart. And even more impressive is your consistency at always raising the bar - every new fic of yours becomes an instant fave and makes me think “wow I thought Tacky couldn’t get better yet here we are”. Seeing how your writing evolves as you find your narrative voice is a beautiful and humbling experience, I feel so lucky!

I’m really grateful for being active in the fandom at this moment in time, because that allows me to read and engage with your brilliant work, and to have you as a dear friend. I can’t wait to see what comes out of your beautiful brain next. It was an impossible job choosing a single fic to rec today, so I decided to do a belated Tacky reclist! Naturally these are my personal and biased must-reads, and I urge everyone to go check these beauties right now. Feel free to include your own favorites too, and don’t forget to leave them some appreciation.

Happy happy birthday my darling Tacky! This fandom life wouldn’t be the same without you. I hope you have the amazing day you deserve!

Between the Power Lines (2020, M, 3.2k)

The road trip fic you didn’t know you needed. I got utterly immersed in the heartbreaking quietness of this, feeling like a witness to an ordinary yet poignant love story. Such tender intimacy, such character development, such lovely American aesthetics with barely any dialogue. This is, IMO, the fic that reveals Tacky’s triumph in storytelling.

Even the Night (2020, M, 3.4k)

This fic has a surreal atmosphere, those Midsummer vibes unbelievably sexy and intoxicating linked to the sensorial experience of fumbling together in the night. Masterclass in tension building, a silky and languid dream-like affair.

Aim for my Heart (2021, M, 3.4k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

One of the most sensitive and stunning portraits I’ve ever seen of a poly/triad relationship, this fic packs so much character and longing! It’s a privilege to watch Ron and Draco’s tentative dynamics through the smitten eyes of the one person that loves them like no one else: Harry.

The Long Fall (2021, M, 3.6k)

I can’t even write about this tender domesticity without getting a lump in my throat. Best opening scene I’ve read in years, and a refreshing way to approach both mpreg and parenthood, painfully honest and lovely. This became an immediate comfort read for me, and it’s probably one of the fics I revisit the most.

Mortal Frame (2021, M, 6.6k)

This thrilling, fast-paced spy story left me breathless since the first paragraph, gods what an immersive ride! I’m so here for Drarry on the run, sharp and urgent with danger but mellowed by the silent trust and tender intimacy only Tacky can master. Major bonus points for the brilliant take on the Horcrux hunt plot line!

Last Offices (2020, M, 6.7k)

Oh, this fic 💔 I tend to avoid MCD but there’s something so deeply fascinating about body washing rituals that I caught myself mesmerized by this. I just couldn’t put it down, so emotionally compromised I felt. There’s a sort of strange comfort in the heartbreak of doing one last act of service out of devotion to someone. This fic inspired so many difficult but lovely feelings in me, and one of them was hope. Only Tacky could possibly achieve that!

Our Little Life (2020, M, 7.2k)

Inventive and singular, this story hit me straight on the solar plexus and left me speechless as I saw the (clever, magical and bittersweet) plot unravel. Such a fabulous take on alternate universes and all the angst potential behind it. Come and bask in the yearning melancholia of a short yet intricate and perfectly executed plot.

And One to Play (2019, E, 21k)

What a fun and delightful fic, I can’t have enough of pining Harry losing all sense of propriety when faced with a hot, competent and pragmatic Draco. This has fab dynamics, unhinged protectiveness, even more unhinged attraction between two idiots who can’t keep their hands off each other. A must-read for any Auror partners fan!

A Lick and a Promise (2019, E, 55k)

Hot, BAMF Professors carefully balancing a fuck buddies situation while solving a Hogwarts mystery, do we need anything else? I certainly do not. This fic is so fun and intriguing and immersive, with amazing supportive cast and a delicious get together feat secret shagging and oblivious pining. Love it!

Modern Love (2020, E, 61k)

My favorite read of 2020, this fic is a love letter to Drarry and will always hold a piece of my soul. Sensitive, wistful, tenderly aching and so very romantic, this is a Muggle Draco triumph with a superb Harry, exquisite slow burn and a side of suds comfort. I promise it will be impossible to listen to Bowie again without thinking of this love story.

Bonus: five stunning drabbles!

Something in the Way (2021, T, 119 words)

“Up,” he said, and Draco, sick with love, raised his arms above his head and allowed Potter to slide the jumper on him, big hands stroking it flat over Draco’s stomach until they both shivered.

Stir-Up Sunday (2020, M, 300 words)

“I want you always,” he said, tugging again on the fine curling length of it. “Is it okay to say that?”

Whalebone Arch (2021, M, 722 words)

“Are you still not talking to me?” Draco steered Harry towards the crisps. “Do I have to suck you off in the loo to cheer you up?”

Semiplume (2021, T, 923 words)

“Did you know,” Harry murmured, and he put his arms around Draco, fearless. “I’d be your mate. If you needed a mate, I mean.”

Relic Radiation (2021, M, 927 words)

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

[snorlaxlovesme]

it’s hard to say what I feel about Greywaren because it was such a clusterfuck of things I didn’t expect and things I’d been waiting for. but i think that overall i’m happy with it. my sister has been asking me as i read The Dreamer Trilogy “so if i’ve only read TRC, would you recommend that I read TDT too or stop?” and that’s been what i’ve been grappling with the whole time. and i think that as a TRC reader and massive fan, i think this series worth following up with, if i was telling a casual fan.

as a fandom we all knew that the ending of TRC (while still fantastic in its own right and should not be discredited) was a bit of a clusterfuck, due to Maggie’s failing health and the fact that a five-book series needed to be whittled down to four, making Gansey’s death a lot shorter than it could have been. it means that TRK specifically has left a lot of What Ifs that got harder and harder to ignore. i really wanted to know what Maggie could write in more ideal circumstances, with more creative freedom and a body with fewer parasites in it. and i think that she did a great job delivering an ending that satisfied me, actually a lot better than a lot of her books do (i’ve often found her endings kind of weak)

BUT. and this is an incredibly big but (har har) a thing that has always ALWAYS grated me about The Dreamer Trilogy is that it was presented as a sister series instead of a sequel series. having a series that takes place directly after a mindblowing series like TRC and having to act like NONE of that development affects where the characters start in this series just fucking ate at me constantly. Maggie has to jump through so many writing hoops to make CDTH make sense since she can’t introduce an already established character and assume the reader has knowledge of them and it drove me nuts. it makes CDTH an incredibly annoying read for me to this day, despite all the good content in it, because every time a TRC specific scenario or cameo appears i always have to step back and wonder what non-TRC readers think is happening right here, and pick apart the way Maggie has to find a way to shoehorn previous plot points into a narrative that doesn’t really allow time for Mr. Gray flashback, doesn’t have the space to really get into the nitty gritty of Adam’s abuse or his use of magic, and such. things like that needing to be smooshed down into like a two-paragraph summarization of BOOKS worth of development was....annoying.

MI has a lot less TRC content which makes it more enjoyable, and by the time Greywaren comes around and the TRC easter eggs start popping in every other page I legit just have to assume that MAGGIE assumed she’d given TDT readers plenty of time to pick up TRC so if they don’t know what’s going on by now, that’s on them. Greywaren is an end to ALL of it, not just The Dreamer Trilogy, that’s super evident.

okay, now time to get into Greywaren specifics. the likes and dislikes. 

i was very thrown by Ronan being asleep for most of the book. i think that bummed me out, for obvious reason, i like Ronan and like his interactions with people. also I just didn’t expect that to be the focal point of the book. but i thought the descriptions of the sweetmetal sea were really cool and i like just the viney, veiny, lightning strike descriptions of Ronan’s consciousness when he was in that nebulous dreaming space. so much of this books is really High Concept and i think that Maggie did a good job helping me envision something so surreal

i loved every page with Adam, unsurprisingly, even the ones where he told Declan he was just gonna LEAVE Ronan’s body and never visit it (absolutely insane thing to say, Adam, what the fuck). but the description of that scene, how Adam could barely even look at Ronan, were super telling. i thought the development of Adam’s character was fantastic despite having so little of him in the series. the scene where he works out all of his troubles, told in essay format? fucking divine writing. having his story mainly be about his love of Ronan, his proficiency with magic, and his desire to Be a Normal Successful Student With No Tragic Backstory were SO GOOD. i wish that the ending was a bit more concrete about where his life went in the epilogue, but knowing that he gets a good job and gets Ronan is enough. i’m still satisfied.

Hennessy and Jordan is muddier. i guess i wanted a more concrete answer as to why they were proficient in making sweetmetals, though im glad they eventually got good enough at it to help out the world and make it a career. i liked that we finally got the answer that Jordan is what Hennessy would be without the influence of Jay. her optimism and her drive were all things that were stripped away from Hennessy because of her childhood (AND because she’s a dreamer). i think that Jordan’s story was more MI than this, but i always enjoy reading Jordan’s perspective.

Hennessy learning that her artist’s ability made her made her supernaturally valuable was really nice, though. i liked that she finally found the same sort of power that Ronan had when dreaming, but in the waking world. that was very cool. 

Hennessy’s relationship with Farooq-Lane was....interesting.

Listen. I’m going to be real here. I don’t really care for Carmen much. I care for Liliana even less. They’re integral pieces to this story, but I didn’t like them at all in CDTH, they grew on me a little in MI when they realized working for the Mods was wrong, and they fell a little bit flat for me in this series. I did not care with Liliana died, I literally THOUGHT that Carmen died and had to go read the epilogue again just now to see if she was in it (apparently she lived). Idk. i don’t want to say the relationship between Carmen and Hennessy was forced, but for me the spark wasn’t there. that might just be because Hennessy’s relationship with Ronan was much messier and more interesting than her and Carmen’s. 

Carmen’s whole intrigue for me was centered around Nathan. I liked all the insight we got into her having a serial killer brother and the emotional complexity behind that. Thinking that he died at the very beginning of the series and all the horrible feelings associated with helping KILL your brother and the fact that your brother killed so many. The twist that Nathan was still alive was cool, the fact that he was the REAL apocalypse villain was neat, but I was still upset it wasn’t Bryde who was the real villian

OKAY NOW IT’S TIME TO GET TO THE MEAT AND POTATOES. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE LYNCHES.

I don’t even know where to start. Matthew? Let’s talk about Matthew bc he’s probably the easiest to begin with. Every scene with Matthew was amazing, even if there were only a couple since Declan STOLE HIS SWEETMETAL OFF OF HIM. I’d punch him too, oh my GOD. i’m so happy Matthew punched him. I’m so happy he fucked up his car. i was getting so irate that Declan time and time again kept infantilizing him and treating him like a pet more than a brother and just being really reductive to all of Matthew’s turmoil. so having Matthew snap was amazing. his scene with Bryde in the museum was SO funny. and having him finally return an wipe Declan’s tears away after Declan assumed he’d been dead the whole time was very satisfying. i desperately want art of that reunion

Ronan was. well. RONAN. all caps. like him being a manifest godling makes perfect sense, it tied together why Cabeswater favored him, why his dreaming was more powerful than anyone else’s in the whole series (besides Bryde, the Experienced Dreamer dreamt by said godling). i want to read the whole series again with this complete picture of Ronan. knowing that FEELINGS, all caps, were dreamed into him by Niall intentionally to make him more human, to make him deeply understand humanity, was such a fantastic detail. and knowing that there was a REASON behind the batshit rule of no one mentioning dreaming outright, of Niall never teaching Ronan how to dream. that’s some GOOOODD retconning right there

and sidenote, all the Niall/Mor flashbacks, being told in those expository chapters to give the reader more and more of a complete picture, and then later revealed as the threads of memory to be given to Declan at the end of the book? GENIUS way of formatting that. i loved that that exposition could be so neatly given over to Declan like that

and man. fuck. Declan.

Declan and Mor and NIALL. 

on the one hand i’m actually MAD that Niall got a redemption arc, purely for the fact that for the past seven years that i’ve been in the fandom we’ve been ragging on him so hard to the point where it’s a meme. Worst Father of the Year with always always be Niall, so having Maggie so completely flip that was so GENIUS and so infuriating lol

but Godddd, finding out that Declan had always been Niall’s favorite hurt me in ways nothing else in TDT ever could. he took away his memory of Declan’s birth because it was the happiest moment of his life and he couldn’t bear to revisit it with Mor leaving like that. that he brought Declan with him on all of his travels BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO HIM aHH it’s so fucked up. i have not stopped thinking about the scene were Declan is sick and you can tell that Niall went through hell to make it back home to him just so he could drape Declan across him and hug him while he slept. it’s such a tender image it hurts my heart. especially to be followed up by all of the family having to abandon all tender Declan moments to rid the room of the dreamt claddaugh rings afterwards. just another instance of Declan’s pain having to be pushed aside in favor of dealing with dreams AUGH

all the times Declan thought “I hate you” meaning “I miss you”??? the searing memory that the Barns weren’t left to him, but the DC townhouse was because Niall knew that Declan wanted to go into politics and this would put him closer to the action?? I WEEP

reading the whole series recontextualized with this knowledge is going to break my brain

and the symbolism of Declan not being a part of the final showdown and having to put his trust in other people? to allow others to carry HIM? i weep more. god, Declan, god.

there’s so much i could say about just Declan alone. there’s so much i could say about the whole series but this is ridiculously long as it is. i didn’t even get to mention the John Wick-style MASSACRE Declan unleashed in the Fairy Market because of how fucking wrecked he was about Matthew and how desperate he was to wake Ronan.  the essays one could write about Declan Lynch, man.

and i need an entire BLOG dedicated to all the callbacks and easter eggs in Greywaren that reference something from the other six books. i stg only half of the pages in Greywaren were original content an the rest was an amalgamation of quotes from the rest of the series. i felt so insane frantically flipping through like BLLB to find the quote of Ronan dreaming “a piece of Cabeswater, a dream” and having that mind-bending piece of a dream pop up in the Greywaren epilogue. shit like THAT made me feel like a mad scholar just tearing through the other books to find that specific references and parallels like that. Genius writing. so much fun.

i’m gonna cut it short here, though. i will probably have much more to say and will be saying it in smaller chunks as time goes on, i have no idea if any of these opinions are commonplace or Hot Takes, but i’m interested to see what the fandom thinks about Greywaren.

so yeah. Greywaren thoughts! the end.

[purple-stuck]

I'm sorry that happened but at least now you know for future reference! I was hoping you could write purple Kankri trying to flirt with Cronus (key word being try assume it seems like purple Vantases are pretty intimidating) but if you don't like Cronkri (which is super fair!) would you please write about purple Kankri in general? c:

Cronus didn't even know why he still went to this bar in the first place.

The music was always pretty bad. Between hip hop artists who just said the same lines over and over again and rock and roll bands who could barely be heard over the sounds of their poorly tuned guitars, it was a miracle that any of these artists even managed to sell their music to this place in the first place. Credit where it was do, it did make him want to drink. Besides, if these guys could make careers out of their songs, there was still hope for him yet.

Cronus cast his gaze out to the bar around him, trying to push the negative thoughts from his mind. A good flirt should improve his mood, even if he knew he was likely to be rejected. His gaze honed in on a small bronze blood girl, sitting alone with three empty bottles littered beside her. Faygo, from the looks of it. Incredibly powerful for a non Purple Blood. Looks like someone could use a little company.

"Hey, doll." Cronus said, leaning seductively against the wall beside her. He figured he might as well take a note from Rufioh's playbook before he dropped the pick-up line. "Are you a math book? Because I take one look at you and think 'fuck me'."

The troll glared up at him dismissively, before craning her neck up even more. Her face twisted into an expression of terror as she looked behind him, before she quickly grabbed her empty bottles and hurried towards the door.

"What, hey! It wvasn't that bad of a line, wvas it?"

"Excuse me."

Cronus instinctively jumped at the sound and spun around to come face to chest with a lumbering highblood in a baggy purple sweater. He looked up to see Kankri Vantas leaning against the wall like he was, looking down at him with an unreadable expression covered in face paint. From this angle, Kankri's nubby horns were nigh invisible underneath that wild bush of untamable hair. Somehow, Kankri always looked like he'd never left his hive in his life.

"Oh, shit. Um, hey Kan. What are you doing here? This place really isn't your kind of scene."

Cronus never knew how to act around Kankri. If Kurloz was creepy, Kankri was genuinely intimidating, but unlike the mime, it was impossible to tell if he was doing it on purpose. Kankri seemed to exist inside of his own little world.

"Oh, my apologies. I didn't... trigger you, did I?"

...huh?

Kankri's eyebrow was wiggling, as if he was expecting Cronus to get something, but Cronus was just confused. "Um, no, I'm just confused. Why are you here?"

Kankri blinked, seemingly not expecting the question. "I don't see what's wrong with dropping by my brothers favorite bar." He glared at the juicebox in the corner. "Although, I expected your music taste to be better."

Cronus forced a laugh at that. "Heh, it's not really. I just go here whenever I hit a writer's block."

"But you're always here?"

"....Yeah." Cronus deflated. "Yeah, I am." He could never read Kankri. Anyone else and he'd swear they were mocking him with an exchange like that. Or at least teasing him. But you could never tell with Kankri.

The larger clown was so withdrawn and stoic. His every word was carefully, almost robotically chosen, like he was trying to carefully avoid possibly offending anyone. It was a strange contrast against how casual his words were and how irreverent clowns normal were. It put him right in the uncanny valley and his large size didn't help.

Kankri rested a hand on his shoulder, causing Cronus to freeze. The clown leaned over him like a robot trying to look casual. His back was perfectly straight, his grip was too tight, his posture was too perfect and tense even as he tried to unwind. It made Cronus' fins stand up on his face.

"Well, why don't we head somewhere more comfortable? Just the two of us."

....Wow.

If Cronus was talking to anyone else, he would swear he was being flirted with. But, Kankri didn't do flirting, so he was clearly just misreading signals here. Was this an attempt at being friendly? Mocking? Trying to get Cronus away from a "triggering" environment? Was Kankri trying to abduct him or something and Kurloz was waiting the back ally with a bag to drag him off to clown church in? This was all so surreal.

"Oh, no. You don't hawve to vworry about that. I don't drink so I can still vwalk back to my hiwve just fine."

Kankri shot him a weird look. Cronus thought he looked annoyed but that couldn't be it because Kankri didn't act like this when he was annoyed. Nornally, he just lectured whoever tried to bother him until they scuttled off slightly terrified.

The clown pulled a paper out of his pocket. Cronus could recognize some of Rufioh's handwriting on it as it unfolded, but that only confused him more. Kankri cleared his throat, cocked his hips, and pointed his fingers like Cronus did whenever he was about to deliver a particularly bad pickup line.

"Hey, doll. Does this place serve fish food? Because you look like a snack."

Awkward silence. Kankri's voice sounded even more robotic and forced than normal, which only made things more surreal.

"So, is this a caste outreach thing? I heard the Empress is havwing the more 'vwiolent' castes do that nowv."

Kankri starred blankly for a moment before consulting the paper again. After a quick skim, he reset his posture, crossing his arms and giving Cronus a toothy grin. Problem is, Kankri had the Kurloz problem where his smiles looked less like "hello friend" and more like "I'm going to eat your soul." Still, he was clearly trying.

"Hello, doll. Dat, er, pardon my language here, ass is looking fine."

Another awkward silence as Kankri waited for an answer. Cronus squirmed awkwardly. "So... this is a dare then? Did Meenah put you up to this?"

Kankri deflated with a sigh, ripping the paper up indifferently. It was weird to see his perfect posture slip, which was only punctuated by his words sounding less robotic and more genuinely annoyed. "Cronus, you really need to learn to take a hint."

Cronus stared as Kankri sulked out. "Uh, alright, bye then."

He quietly made his way back to his seat, aware that the whole bar was now staring at him. He picked up his guitar to distract himself. "You knovw something, bar keep? If I didn't knowv better, I'd say he vwas flirting wvith me right novw."

Thankfully, Cronus was too preoccupied with his guitar to notice the incredulous look the bartender was giving him.

[harmoni-me]

hi! wanted to tell you that i absolutely love your writing skills, it’s so different from the others that i've read and it makes me feel so warm inside. keep up the good work! i'm really looking forward to seeing more

if you don’t mind, i'd like to request for a poly nagito x sweetheart reader x kokichi where they’re still in the crushing/pining stage and being confused about their sexuality. thank you, have a good day/night!💙

Phew! I finally did it! My fingers kinda hurt from typing all this haha! But I loved the request a lot! I played around with the concept you gave me as well, so it’s a story that branches out into multiple styles of writing. I do have to warn you though, goodness is this one long! But I hope you enjoy it all in the same! <3

I’m so sleepy lol 

quick trigger warning beware! : There is a scene in this where a character goes through mental hysteria that contains some panic attack like symptoms. If you are sensitive to that writing, please, skip the the fluffy scene that if used for comfort right after :) (Or just don’t read it at all, don’t worry! Harmoni understands!)

Nagito Komaeda x Sweetheart Reader x Kokichi Ouma! Pt. 1

Also can we just talk about this gif? It makes me so happy...This artist is so good too like WHOA! Check them out! 

“No…“

“1, 2, 3, 4-“

“NO-“

“5, 6, 7, 8!” Nagito finished, moving the silver, dog-shaped play piece across the board in rhythmic taps.

“NOOOO! BOARDWALK, NAGITO?! FUCKING BOARDWALK?!” Kokichi shrieked in a fit of rage, slamming his Panta drink onto the table, while standing up and causing an absolute fit.

Nagito was chuckling at the enraged boy, who was now standing on the kitchen counters, stomping in pure fury. Kokichi was a huge brat. A clingy, competitive, always-begging-for-something, whole-hearted brat. Though, Nagito would have to admit that he could never stay mad at Kokichi, in fact, he would have to say that he barely gets mad at him. Ever. He reminded the white-haired boy of a playful puppy, bounding and bucking happily when getting what it wants. It made Nagito’s heart melt, evaporate, then simply melt again, even when he was a cursing mess stomping on the granite countertops, getting scratches all over it.

“Woah! Nagi, that’s amazing! You got Boardwalk really early in the game, that’s so cool!” You smiled, while also laughing at Kokichi’s ferocious cursing as ambiance. Your smile drove Nagito’s attention away from the angered boy, and his heart went through overdrive once he saw your sweet smile, radiating so much contagious joy. It’s almost as if he was on a roller coaster that contained a different track each and every time he rode it. One minute, his heart would be doing loops, and the next, it excitedly go up again.

. . .

Now, this is where the problem begins. Well, the one of three problems that plague the three individuals all playing a simple game of Monopoly on a Sunday night. This is Nagito’s problem: Whenever he has an effect on Kokichi, making him oh-so-lovable in his eyes, his heart swells and fills his chest to the brim. Oh, was this feeling that was so incredibly foreign to him feel so wonderful when it dawned upon him for the first time.

Nagito could always draw the memory back within his vision in surreal detail. Kokichi and Nagito were loitering in the hallways of Hope’s peak, with the shorter purple-haired boy dragging the pale, frizzy haired boy by the hand to apparently “Conjure up the biggest most awesome-est prank Hope’s Peak has every witnesses since built into existence”. Honestly, how could Nagito say no to something that holds so much potential hope and despair, all contained in one big gift-wrapped surprise of a prank on the whole school?

After planning for a few hours, Kokichi seemed to have a fuse broken in his brain due to thinking about a truly fool-proof plan. The somewhat drowsy prankster reached into his schoolbag and pulled out two twin bottles of grape Panta, sliding one over to an unsuspecting Nagito. The purple plastic bottle bonked into Nagito’s forearm, knocking the bottle down from the force.

“Nehehe, I guess you really are the Ultimate Lucky student, huh? It just so happens I packed an extra today, Shamrock! Make it up to me sometime soon, okaaaaay?” Kokichi giggled, teasing the lanky, somewhat socially-awkward Nagito who was sitting across from him on a desk within a totally abandoned classroom. Nagito thanked the other, though, Kokichi really couldn’t respond due to being in the middle of chugging his favorite carbonated drink.

Nagito turn to his own bottle. He wasn’t the biggest fan of old-fashioned artificial grape flavored things, but it wasn’t the worst. Plus, it would be quite rude to refuse a drink from a friend, right? So the white haired boy simply picked up the bottle, and twisted the cap off, as per usual etiquette of opening a soda bottle.

Splash

It didn’t take too long until Nagito knew what was going on. The drink had exploded everywhere. The bottle of soda was basically empty by the end of the grape-geyser showcase, and poor Nagito was left drenched in purple, sticky, sugary liquid. The drink already was starting to dry into a thin, sweet crust on his skin, making the boy on a whole other level of uncomfortable. Though, it was kind of expected that Kokichi would be absolutely laughing his butt off in the moment, sounding like some sort of hysteric hyena mixed with a duckling quacking at some breadcrumbs. It was a laughable sight, no doubt, Nagito literally looked like the embodiment of a sad, wet dog.

But then Kokichi settled down after a bit, controlling his breathing from the pathetic sight. After doing so, he got up out of his seat, and knelt down to scrummage through his bag, revealing a regular branded water bottle. He then made his way over to Nagito, and without hesitation, sat himself on his soda-soaked lap.

“Aww, really going for that kicked puppy look, are you now? Well, since I’ve had all my laughing fun from this, I guess it’s only natural that I help you out, hm? Or would you rather just stay just like this? Oh, now, I wouldn’t mind it if we did…though it seems your eyes beg to differ…well in that case, let’s clean you up, shall we?” Kokichi hummed, teasing the ever living daylights out of the wet and miserable boy.

Kokichi then did something that made Nagito’s heart pound harder than it ever had before. The teasing boy reached behind his neck, untying his beloved checkered bandana. He then carefully opened the water bottle, and poured the contents onto the fabric. Once ensuring it was thoroughly soaked, Kokichi started to wash off as much of the stickiness he could. to Ruffling Nagito’s hair, from gently washing his pale cheeks, which were now sprinkled with specks of rose, and finally gliding the cloth along Nagito’s clothes and hands.

A few things in Nagito’s mind had clicked into place after Kokichi had handled him with the care equal to that of a lover. Well, ironically, Nagito had caught feelings for his tiny little prankster brat of a friend. Was it a huge surprise? Not really, based on the track that Nagito was on.

Another piece of the puzzle had snapped: Kokichi was a a guy. That was something really to think about. Never had Nagito found men attractive, but…

Finally, the last, and most worrying puzzle piece out of them all: Kokichi wasn’t the only one he has fell for. His heart has become torn in that moment, with every day becoming more of a wrestling match to the death rather than a silly tug-of-war between feelings. The other side of his heart was unsure, and fell for another person that had lifted him up through his lowest lows, supporting him like a much needed pair of crutches when having a sprained ankle.

And that person, was you.

. . .

“Ok ok ok ok ok! Listen here you little damn shamrock you!” Kokichi huffed, now sitting back on the ground, leg crossed, “You and I both know that I have Park Place, right? Right! Now, my dear little clover, I want to make a deal with you, if you will?” Kokichi smirked with evil intent clear within his irises.

“Ooo! Deals! Nagi, I think you should listen to Kichi, making profitable partnerships is pretty much his specialty.” You giggled, basically becoming Kokichi’s personal little advocate. He let out a quick “Yeah, what she said!”, causing Nagito to laugh and nod, gesturing for an explanation of the deal.

“Well, personally, my little clover, I feel like we should team up, you know? We could completely dominate over sweet our little gumdrop over there, making them drop to their knees in submission to us. You know, I have a feeling you and I both would enjoy it...” Kokichi shuffled a little closer to the platinum blonde, voice dropping, “We could rule them over together, as equals, or even make them surrender if they ever have the chance-“

“Sure! Though, you should probably get out of jail first.” Nagito chuckled, making the other boy grumble.

“OH YOU-“

“Heeeeey! I wanna join in too! It sounds like you guys are having fun and stuff, while I’m all alone…” You puffed out your cheeks, sadness dripping in your voice.

Both of the boys shot up to look at your somewhat downcast features, and oh, how it wreaked their hearts in one fell swoop.

Kokichi automatically shot up from his position, puffing out his chest in preparation for a new speech.

“O-ok! New deal! We ALL join evil forces TOGETHER, and absolutely destroy the game with all of our property, while reaping in the greedy rewards of the capitalist regime!” Kokichi loudly proclaimed, chuckling at the end of his new deal.

You gasped, “Deal! Deal! Taking over a money-based board game with my two favorite people ever will always be a yes for me!” You laughed, smiling at the thought of the three of you taking over Hollywood streets with a pose of limos, while using bags stuffed with pure cash as weapons made it ten times funnier.

Kokichi smiled, resting his hands behind his head, “Yeah! Let’s end it here and just say that we kicked so much millionaire ass that we now have control over the whole economy!”

. . .

This is the second problem, Kokichi is so undeniably confused. About what? About himself. He was sure as all hell about how he felt about you, he always went soft and squishy for you, and not to mention he would be extra clingy when it had to do with you. Headpats? Common, and always appreciated. Cuddles? Been there, done that with you.

But, then there was Nagito. Kokichi would never say this out loud, but he thought that Nagito was so…pretty. And god, Kokichi was a huge sucker for pretty people. Though, once he realized that his feelings didn’t go to just one person, that’s when he started to panic.

He had to take in multiple things at once, trying to accept it all at once, but it was just so incredibly difficult. He has spent the whole entirety of his life to perfect the art of lying, and one thing that he learned constantly manipulated his own mind and thought process, tearing it into metaphorical shreds.

In order to pull out a lie that everyone can believe, you have to lie to yourself, and proclaim your own illusion of your truth.

Did Kokichi want to believe he was immensely attracted to Nagito, who just happened to be a guy? No, he really didn’t. It wasn’t normal.

Did Kokichi want to believe that he had fallen so fucking in love with two of his closest friends? Hell no. In society, you had to pick and choose, it’s one or the god damn other.

Right?

One night, all of these feeling and thoughts rushed into the boy’s conscious all at once, building immense pressure within his head and chest. Was this a nightmare, or-

Suddenly, his throat started to close up on him, making him gasp out in agony, wheezing on the covers of his bed, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes.

Instinct kicked in within the speed of light. Kokichi shakily reached over to his phone, grasping onto it, and quickly set up a group call. Almost immediately, the two people he was panicking over had picked up.

“Hello? Kokichi? Is there anything you need?” A raspy voice rang out. It seems as if Nagito was awoken by the sudden calling.

“Yeah, Kichi? Is there anything wrong?” You softly spoke through the phone. It calmed Kokichi a little just hearing the two of you guy so worried over him.

“I-I know It’s out of the blue-“ Kokichi gasped for air “B-but can you guys please come over?”

And oh boy, did you and Nagito get there in record time.

After just a mere ten minutes, you and Nagito were outside of Kokichi’s bedroom door, and the both of you could hear the desperate hiccups and gasps of your poor friend.

The both of you had no doubts, nor questions. You just wanted the struggling boy to feel safe.

“We’re coming in.” You said, affirming your actions with light knocking on the bedroom door.

When the both of you came face to face with a Kokichi with puffy red eyes, clutching his heaving chest, and thick tears rolling down his face, it felt like the both of you just got shot in the heart, the weight of it sinking down into the stomach, emitting a feeling that could only be described as pure pity. But the two of you automatically got to work.

Sooner rather than later, You and Nagito were cuddling Kokichi from either side, supporting him, as well as being his shield for protecting his small, delicate frame from his own cruel thoughts. You had started to run your fingers through Kokichi’s hair, causing his breaths to become fuller, and not nearly as hitched. Nagito also wanted to contribute in his own way, so he decided to mindlessly draw messy shapes and squiggles into Kokichi’s side, hoping that what he was doing would be of any help.

After only a mere five minutes, Kokichi had passed out from exhaustion, but the two of you kept on doing what you were doing, wanting for the boy in-between you two to have sweet dreams about all of what he desires all night long.

Kokichi has never let go of that memory, and never will for the rest of his life, and it’s a constant reminder on how much he had lied to himself. He actually wanted the truth out of something for once in his life, and that was how long it would be in order for the loves of his life to live without restraint of societal chains. Whenever it was, he would always be ready. Always, with arms as open as the horizon.

. . .

“Why in the world are we watching Big Hero 6 again? Didn’t we watch this, like, a month ago?” Kokichi trudged from the microwave, to the plush couch, bowl of buttered popcorn in hand.

“(Y/N) wanted to watch it, is there a problem?” Nagito tilted his head, holding the remote, about to press play. You were bouncing in anticipation, because this movie was just never a disappointment.

“Hm, well, I GUESS there’s nothing wrong with it….just don’t be surprised when you hear me snoring.” Kokichi huddled up beside you, placing the bowl of popcorn on you lap.

“I deem you the popcorn peacemaker! Your job is to make sure no one’s being a pig.” Kokichi snickered, while you giggled at your new role in life.

“Nagi? You like popcorn, right? Here!” You placed the bowl on his lap, causing him to smile.

“Hey, HEY! NO! That means I have to reach my WHOLE ARM over to to Lucky boy, JUST SO I CAN GET SOME POPCO-“

“Sh sh sh! The movie is starting!” You giggled, shushing the purple haired boy, while you heard a little chuckle from the white haired boy who was next to you.

. . .

The last problem was you. Your heart bubbled up in joy whenever you where around these boys, making your face erupt like a volcano whenever something slightly suggestive is aimed at you when it has to do with either one of them. You liked both of them, a lot, and you gave everything in order for the three of you to flourish in bountiful friendship. Yeah, that’s the problem, it was friendship.

Oh, how desperately you wished that everything could be easy! If life were like an infinite rolling of crashing waves, things would be flawless, predictable even. Unfortunately, life really likes to give you the short end of the stick, and this was honestly one of the shortest sticks someone like you would have never asked for. The loving of two men, both equally, and having an intense desire to treat them as lovers. What would they do as lovers? Where would they go as lovers? The questions and possibilities are endless…

The only time where you felt as if the friendship could’ve resembled anything somewhat romantic, was a summer evening trip to the beach.

The water was the perfect temperature, the ocean was as clear as glass, and the sand didn’t burn the soles of your feet. The boy’s were in their swimming trunks, having their own little fun. Nagito was afraid of getting to deep into the ocean, so you always stayed in the shallow end, trying to capture as many tiny fishes as you could with your bare hands.

Kokichi insisted that him and Nagito bury you in sand, leaving your head poking out of a sandy little cocoon. When the sun started to set, you got some supplies that you brought, and lit the fire that the group planned to create. Everyone gathered around it, cooking hot dogs on sticks, and crafting tasty s’mores that we fed each other.

One could say that that night might be the most casual and platonic friend trip ever, but something was off.

Everyone looked at each other differently that night. When looking into their eyes, it was oddly intimate. It was like all of the stars in the night sky reflected off their eyes conveyed so much...love.

That night, you felt so adored, so cherished and cultivated to the brim of your existence. You felt something, and maybe the other boy’s did too, but that feeling has changed your life.

Thanks to these stupid boys; These stupid boys that you’ve given so much to, you don’t think you could ever love any other.

One you’ve helped get out of a terrible degradation cycle, another you’ve helped to not lie to himself, and not as much to others.

And thanks to your down to earth humility, your heart has been stolen, and it was going to stay taken by those lovely, unique boys who have helped you out of so many ditches, and so many of life’s cracks and dents. God, how could you not fall?

Their lives were precious to you, but you had no idea how they would feel about an actual relationship, so you’ve always been terrified. Petrified and paralyzed to the bone to ever think of what may happen if you were the cause of the fracture of the friendship. You didn’t want to ruin something that has taken so long to build, yet can be torn all down due to a selfish desire.

But, maybe, just maybe, if they went to you first, confessed everything that was bottled up inside, dittoed on how you felt…

Then you might just be the luckiest person to live on this earth, there’s no doubt about that.

[sindrafalcone]

Adventures in Babysitting pt. 4

Fandom: BIGBANG/ Choi Seung Hyun x reader

Synopsis: A babysitting job turns into something unexpected…

Warnings: Still fluff, with a bit of steam  at the end.

Author’s Note: Surprise! I wrote this part right after finishing the last one. I was on a roll. lol But, fair warning, part 5 will probably take me a little while. Still I hope you all enjoy this one. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. This story contains fictional representations of real people. None of the events are true. This is from an American standpoint, so some of the situations may not happen the same way they might in Korea. I make no money from the writing of this fictional work.

Masterlist

Part 1   Part 2  Part 3

“There is no way I'm prepared to have this conversation without alcohol.” Seunghyun said as the two of you hung up your coats and slid out of your shoes.

You simply murmured your agreement as he headed off to the kitchen, presumably for more wine.

The taxi ride back to the hotel had been awkward, to say the least. You'd kind of run out of things to talk about & neither of you wanted to discuss the proverbial 'elephant in the room' until you got back to the hotel.  So most of the ride was spent in awkward silence in between bits of random small talk.

In just a few moments you were both seated on the sofa facing each other, just as you had earlier that same evening, glasses of liquid courage in hand.

“I guess the best way is to just tell you...” he said, taking a deep gulp of his wine.

You nodded in encouragement. “Like a band-aid, all at once.”

“I'm a rapper.” Seunghyun blurted. The look of disbelief on your face only made him talk even faster.

“Well, I'm a rapper, an actor and a sometimes model. I'm part of an incredibly popular group, Bigbang. They call us the “Kings” of Kpop. So, that's why Mrs. Tran recognized me.”

“And that explains why you wanted to eat in the private room.” you smiled at him. “I thought maybe you had a phobia of crowds.”

He laughed a little at that. “Well, I don't really like crowds. But only because if I get recognized, it can cause a mob scene.” “You're really that popular?”

“It's worse in Asia.” he admitted. “But it can happen anywhere. We have to be really careful.”

You took a sip of your own wine, gears turning in your head; and it was then that sudden comprehension dawned on you. It took all that you had to not spit it out in surprise & Seunghyun watched in concern as you choked a little.

“Wait a minute...” you managed to gasp. “Is your name Choi Seunghyun?” you tried to keep your voice level.

He nodded sheepishly.

“I'm such an idiot...” you lightly smacked your hand up against your forehead before taking another drink. “I've been spending the entire evening with THE Choi Seunghyun and I didn't even realize it.”

“So, you've heard of the group then?” Seunghuyn asked, his voice a little bitter, thinking that perhaps you'd been leading him on all night.

You shook your head.  “No, that's not it... Um, maybe it will help if I spill my secret now. Do you happen to still have that pamphlet from the museum?”

“Yeah. It's in my coat pocket.”

“Would you mind going to get it, please? It'll make this a lot easier.” you murmured.

Seunghyun gave you a curious glance before setting his glass down on the table. Unfolding himself from the couch, he strode over to the entryway of the room & dug around in the inside pockets of his coat for a bit before he found the piece of folded paper. He handed it to you before sitting back down & to your surprise, he plunked the fortune cookies from the restaurant on the table as well. You felt yourself swallow thickly as you set your own glass down.

“Okay, so the Surrealist exhibit... you liked it, right?” you asked, bending the paper and folding it so that the back was prominently displayed.

He bobbed his head eagerly. “I loved it. It was both innovative and immersive. Not to mention that it featured work by some of my favorite artists.”  

“I'll take that as a compliment.” you told him, feeling the heat rise to your face at his genuine words.

Seunghyun looked confused, so you handed him the pamphlet, shyly pointing at the bottom of the paper.

His eyes scanned over a list of names that he didn't know; donors, directors, and managers of the museum... until he came to a line that stopped him cold. Surrealist Exhibit Curator: __________ ______________.

He pointed where your finger had just left. “That's.... that's your name. You're the curator of the exhibit I've been dying to see for  months?”

You tried your best not to be offended by the disbelief you thought you heard in his voice. “Yeah, that's me. Surprise... I guess? Small world.”

Seunghyun sat there in stunned silence for a moment as he thought things out, giving you the perfect opportunity to finish off the wine in your glass. He drank the rest of his as well, then poured fresh for you both.

“I thought...” he began, his voice soft. “I thought you worked there as a tour guide.” “Technically, I do.” you sighed. “I have a masters degree in art history, as well as a minor in public relations. It helps with the marketing and fundraising aspects.” you explained before sighing heavily. “But the job market to be a curator is stupidly competitive, not to mention, heavily dominated by men. So... I took what I could.” you had another sip of wine, slower this time because you could feel it starting to go to your head. “I figured I could start at the bottom and work my way up.”

“And you finally convinced them to let you curate an exhibit.” he said, taking his own drink. “How?”

You shrugged. “The Museum chief envisioned Surrealism and no one else wanted to do it. So, I more-or-less pulled double time for a few months while I put it together.”

“Did they pay you more?” Seunghyun asked, anger evident in his voice.

You just shook your head. “Not in the budget.”

He snorted. “Bullshit. I'll bet the chief gave himself a nice, fat bonus with the money that should have gone to you for all that extra work. And all you got was your name on the back of the tour pamphlet... in tiny print... at the very bottom.” Seunghyun grimaced and took a drink.

“No need to rub it in.” you grumbled, looking down at your feet, face flaming in embarrassment.

“No! That's not what I meant...Ugh, I'm making a mess of this.” he gently took the wine glass from your hand & set both his and yours down, then he turned back to you. Seunghyun slowly reached out his hand and settled the tips of his long fingers under your chin, gently moving your head up until you were looking into his eyes. “I'm not trying to make fun of you. If anything, I am enraged on your behalf. What they did to you was wrong and you shouldn't have to tolerate it.”

“I can't afford to quit.”you sniffed. “Besides, I get to lead people through the exhibit every day and see their reactions to it... good or bad. Most don't really appreciate it, at least... not the way you did. But it gets people thinking.”

“Wait...” Seunghyun said, reaching out and taking your hands in his. “Just a minute ago, you were shocked that you had spent the evening with “THE” Choi Seunghyun & hadn't realized it. What did you mean by that? If you don't know me by my music or acting, then...” he let the sentence hang there, unsaid.

You took a deep breath and blew it out awkwardly. “Mark has been trying to get me to agree to meet with you for months. I've kept putting him off, mostly because I can't afford to fly out there right now. But... I've heard your name come up in the art circles occasionally & I'll admit, I felt intimidated....”

“Mark?” he interrupted. “Mark Grotjhan?”

“The one and only.” you laughed. “We met a while back when our museum was doing a showcase of his work. And he helped me get in touch with some artists and donors when I was curating for the Surrealist exhibit.”

“Wow...” Seunghyun breathed. “It really is a small world.”

“I know, right? What are the odds that I ended up being your babysitter for tonight? I mean, you got to see the exhibit, which otherwise would have been closed. And I got to meet you... even if I didn't realize it was you at the time.”

“Why did he want you to meet with me?”

“Connections, I think. You know how the art world works as much as I do. It's all about who you know and what influence you have.”

Seunghyun nodded. “That makes sense.” Then he surprised you by pulling out his phone and patting his thigh.

You just shot him a questioning look. “What?”

“We may as well let him know we found each other.” he laughed. “Come here, _________.”

The way that smile lit up his face, especially his eyes, had you crawling across the couch and  into his lap before he could change his mind. The two of you put your heads close to each other and smiled for one picture. Then Seunghyun made a funny face, so you did too & he snapped another. He took a few more with various poses before he seemed satisfied.

You sat there while he typed out a quick message and sent it, not knowing what else to do. But you did notice that he still had the smile plastered on his handsome face. Once he was finished he looked over to you, seeming to realize for the first time that you were still in his lap.

It could have been your imagination or the wine, but it seemed like his expression completely changed. One second, he had a boyish grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. The next, it had shifted to a look of pure hunger, with maybe just a touch of lust.

You cleared your throat. “Um... we, uh... still haven't eaten our fortune cookies.” you tried lamely, pointing to where he had left them on the table.

“Is that so?” his voice practically purred.

You felt one of his arms snake its way around your waist as he leaned forward to grab one off the table. Seunghyun settled back into the sofa, arms still around you as he unwrapped the cookie and broke it. He offered up half to you, which you took, surprising him by just grabbing it from his fingers with your mouth. He popped the other half  into his before unfolding and reading the piece of paper it had contained:

You are very talented in many ways.

As you read the fortune, you started laughing. It began as a small chuckle and just progressed further and further, until it was an outright, full on belly laugh. You could feel the tears just beginning to prick the sides of your eyes when he finally spoke.

“I don't see what's so funny.” Seunghyun deadpanned around a mouthful of cookie. “I am very talented in many ways.”

His statement only made you laugh harder. It took you a few minutes, but when you realized that he wasn't laughing, you began to recover enough so that you could finally explain. “Don't tell me you don't know how to play the game!” you finally managed to wheeze.

“Game?” he asked, genuinely intrigued. “What game?”

“The fortune cookie game!” you sat up straighter. “One of my friends in college taught it to me because we would get Chinese takeout at least once a week.”

“So what exactly is this game and why is it so funny to you?”

You suddenly felt a little embarrassed. “Well you, um... you take your fortune and add 'in bed' to the end of  it.” you felt your voice trail off at the end.

“You are very talented in many ways...” he paused. “... in bed?”

You nodded and giggled again slightly. “Sometimes it works out and it's really funny like that one. Other times it doesn't really make sense, but it's still fun to try.”

“I don't see how this one is funny...” his voice rumbled darkly.

You were about to get up, afraid that you had  possibly offended him, when Seunghyun took gentle hold of your shoulders firmly keeping you in place. And that's when you felt it.... his lips pressing softly onto the side of your neck.

“I am very talented in many ways...”  he asserted again, his breath ghosting across your heated skin.

[livcosmos]

Is there life after A-Levels?

As it turns out there actually is life after A-Levels... who would have thought? Deffently not me that's for sure but now I'm here and I can’t believe it’s all over… for the past years I wanted so desperately to finish high school and now that it’s finally over I’m sad and I don’t know what to do with my life but that’s actually a story for another time.

My last post feels like a million years ago, I was in such a different, a very desperate state of mind if I might say and now…it seams all so surreal, anyhow my point is I have so so soooooo much to talk about because well it has been so incredibly long since we last talked and there is a lot and I mean a LOT to talk about! I don’t even know how to structure the whole thing maybe I will do more posts I think that’s the key to solve it because as you know I always tend to write novels and if I did that before now it’s going to be even worse, so let’s get started and I will give my best to keep it as short as possible!

I believe I’m going to start with the book reviews because sadly it’s the shortest category because well again as I said before A-Levels…

Ahhhhh I want to start with the most recent read, the series that left me with a huge book hangover, one of those book hangovers I hadn’t had in a really really long time…. I’m talking about the ” The summer I turned pretty” series and OH MY GOOD GOD it was so incredibly good, it gave me all the happy feels!!! It was like a big hug, like sitting on a cloud with a big blanket, I loved it so much it was everything I needed!!! And I am so incredibly excited about the Amazon Prime adaptation I mean yeah of course a lot can go wrong but still! I loved it, it was my happy place after writing the A-Levels, my recovery and boy it was a good recovery!!! Sure it was childish and cringy but that’s what I loved about it, I may grow up but I’m always in the first row for books like this!!! And weirdly enough I could relate to the book from the first sentence, with the ”I measure my life in summers” because my whole life I did that to and the summer vibes, the beach ahhh….! I just loved it so much, I loved Susannah I was so sad when she died and my God choosing between Conrad and Jeremiah…. For me it was almost like choosing between Will and Jem all over again (if you know you know!) but I was Team Conrad from the start it was so obvious that they were endgame, they were just meant for each other and don’t get me wrong I’m always in for the moody bad boy but I think deep down I loved Jeremiah a tiny bit more (I still shipped her with Conrad more the whole time!!!! I’m just talking about my preference hehe) I prefere the goofy humorous ones haha! That doesn’t mean that he didn’t freak me out in the beginning of the third book he really really disappointed me then, the third book as a whole kind of ruined him but I still love him! The ending before the epilogue…I cried I cried so much I felt so sorry for him but then again I was happy because trough the whole last book I was scared that she will choose him and not Conrad it was a huge mess of all the feels!!! Ah else and Susannah letters???? I was sobbing! I also loved that we got his point of view in the second book and Conrad’s in the third I really enjoyed seeing their thoughts and what actually lay behind their actions. Oh oh but Belly freaked me out sometimes too, the things she said and how she treated Taylor…girl please chill she was a little harsh sometimes!  I had a great time reading the series, it had everything I loved the setting, the vibes, the story, the tension... everything, even though to be honest I missed the in-between scenes a little especially at the end between the end of the last chapter and the epilogue, I mean I have waited so incredibly long to see them together and I get almost nothing at the end??? The ending felt s little rushed, I wanted more but then on the other hand it was good as it was! And I also felt that some things kind of remind unexplained like why did Conrad push her away all the time, I mean yeah his mum died but why did he break up with her why was he acting like that? And how did he and Jere make up? And I would have loved to see Cam again! All in all, it was perfect and as I said I couldn’t move on for quite some time after finishing it, so I am even more excited about the show! I already love the casting, especially for Jere and the trailer was very promising!!!

Ok I know I said I will do all the books first but I have to mention this song here because it’s the song I associate (and always will) with this series… I’m talking about Joshua Bassett’s ”Doppelgänger”, it made me cry and the music video is so soooo good and I’m loving his music lately so much! I love Olivia’s album like it was just wow but I also loved to see his point of view on the whole story, what he had to go through and what he felt, there are always two persons in a relationship. I mean come on ”Crisis” and ”Secret”? I love those songs so much!!!

Alright alright going back to books, I read another amazing book, from my nr.1 author, Kirstin Gier, the one who wrote ”Rubyred” aka the woman whose books got me into reading! It’s the first book in a trilogy (the other books are not out yet) and ahhh it basically took me back to my childhood! I adored it and I’m so excited for the second and third book, she never disappoints me, the woman knows where to hit me really! Unfortunately, I don’t think it's translated to English yet but in German, it’s called ”Vergissmeinnicht”, absolutely stunning!!! I’m not going to go into details on this because a lot of you probably won’t know what I’m talking about so I won’t bore you with it just know that it's amazing!!!!

Oh good, Lord…I also read ”Normal people” and ”Conversation with friends” and huh that was quite an experience if I might say! I know a lot of people love those books and I'm sorry to say this but I didn’t quite like them. I am glad I read them but I didn’t enjoy them if that makes sense, because they made me sad and they gave me anxiety. They made me hate ‘normal/ mundane life’ and relationships! I liked ”Conversation with friends” more than ”Normal people”, I could relate to Frances, the overthinking, the no real personality and the thing about ”things matter to me more than they o to other people”. I loved the writing and the stories were so smart, the morals are good and I respect Sally Rooney and bless her ”Beautiful world, where are you” is on my reading list but still they made me uncomfortable! I didn't get to watch the TV adaptation of "Normal people" yet but I am interested in watching it, as I really like the actress who plays Mariane and I believe the trailer for "Conversation with friends" is also out, I would like to look into that adaptation too.

It makes me sad to admit it but that’s everything I read… oh oh except for ”Macbeth” I also read that and I liked it but other than that that’s it! I started a few other books but I didn’t get to finish them just yet but stay tuned! Now that I have more free time I’m going back to reading and the goal is defiantly reading more classics!!!

The next category is music!!! First things first my husband Harry Styles has a new album coming out this month???!!!! OMG, I'm soooo excited I can’t even put it into words!!! ”As it was” just WOW ... just WOW, at first I was like ”It’s ok it’s not my favourite song of his” but I fell in love with it slowly but surely and the album will be brilliant I’m sure and I can’t wait!

Oh oh oh I know it’s not music related but it’s Harry Styles related so I have to but it here so…the trailer for ”Don’t worry darling” is out and OMG OMG I am sooooooooo excited for that movie!!!! I mean ador Horold that’s not a secret, I adore the 60’s and I absolutely love Florence Pugh and the trailer is soooo good I can’t wait!!!!!

Ok back to music, my new obsession, Tate McRae, my God she is the only one I listen to lately she is constantly on repeat and apparently this month is my lucky month because her album is coming out this month too and I am so hyped! I love her, she is so incredibly talented and the lyrics she writes oh my God it get’s me so hard!!! I watched her song writing videos on YouTube and wow it just amazes me how talented she is and seeing her evolve like that just blows my mind! Of course I love the ultimate classic ”You broke me first” and ”She’s all I ever wanna be” but also ”Feel like shit”, ”All my friends are fake”, ”Stupid”, ”One day” I could actually name very song because I love them all!!!

We can’t leave the music category without talking about ”All too well” I don’t think there is much to say about it, it's kind of self-explanatory, it’s a masterpiece! OH and also because we are speaking about Taylor I also had an intense ”I know you were trouble” phase before my Tate and Joshua phase.

And that would be it for music I think we are doing good so far with the overwriting but I think now that we go into the longest category, Movies and TV shows it’s going to get harder, let’s get started!

First things first because it’s the most recent watch ”Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” just WOW ! I’m not going to spoil anything, I'm going to leave it by the WOW. I have to and one more thing though, the title is more than fitting it truly is the multiverse of madness and I also I love the idea behind the multiverse with the dreams! I am a nerd when it comes to dreams and how to explain them and what they said in this movie about it might be by far my favourite theory! It fulfilled my high expectations, it was amazing! Go and watch it!

I’m not going to go into the details here because I am speechless about this topic, I'm just confused and I have no idea what’s going on with that show anymore but I keep watching because well I already invested so much in it and I used to really enjoy it. I guess I keep watching for old time's sake and because I’m curious about how wider it can get, when you think it can’t get any wider it does! If you haven’t guessed it already I’m talking about ”Riverdale”, the only thing I want to say about it because I can’t leave it unsaid is, that my heart will always root for Jughead and Betty, it breaks my heart to see them like this, they are like strangers now… I will forever moan their love, their story it’s the saddest thing ever... to see them like this just no! I don’t like Archie and I will never ship him with Betty period. I like Tabitha but again Betty and Jughead are and will always be my favourite ship from that show! (And what is the thing with the superpowers from the explosion??? Just no!)

Ok remaining with the Tv shows, currently, my favourite Tv show, my happy place, ”Modern family”! I love it so much it is just my kind of humour and it always puts me in a good mood! It is defiantly up there in my top Tv shows ever!

Oh I also really really enjoyed that italian show on Netflix about astrology, ”An astrological guide for broken hearts”, I am always in for astrology I am very interested in that and I really liked this show! To be honest I would have wanted more even though it ended well because I really liked it!

I also watched the last season of ”Money Heist” and I’m happy with that ending, I am incredibly sad about Tokio, as I probably mentioned in my last post, I don’t remember if I talked about it there or not but my point is it really upset me even though I wasn’t her biggest fan. I am happy with how they rapped it up even though it wasn’t the strongest season, this sounds very negative, I don’t mean it to come of that way because I really loved it but it’s been a minute since I watched it and I didn’t take notes,I watched it all in one sitting the night it came out hehe!  Anyhow great great show and I am happy with how they wrapped things up, I highly recommend it it is incredibly smart and I love it!

Should I or should I not talk about ”Emily in Paris”? I wanted soooo bad to make an outfit review post again like I did for season one but I didn't have time after I watched it when it came out and I think now it’s too late for it, everyone moved on, no one cares anymore! Ok but I have to at least mention my top three favourite outfits: 3rd place the purple party dress from her birthday party, 2nd place the stunning red tulle dress from the last episode and lastly, 1st place is the white dress with the red hearts, it gives me 60’s vibes and I love it! As for the plot itself, I liked it better than season one and I enjoyed it, I am excited about season 3! And I have to put this out there I am Team Alfie I mean Gabriel needs to finally decide and have the guts to stand by his decision, he has to stop fussing around! And Alfie is British so of course, I’m on his side even though I am well aware that it's not going to happen,  Emily and Gabriel will eventually end up together! Oh but I am very excited about the fact that Emily might stay In Paris permanently because come on she is so going to accept the job offer from Sylvie, I love Sylvie by the way did I ever mention it, she has the best personality! Ohhh but I don’t like Emily's boss from America what’s her name again Madeline I believe, she is annoying and I want her to go away! All in all, I enjoyed this season and I am looking forward to the next one and of course, the fashion was again very interesting and there were a lot of outfits that I really liked!

Movieeeess OMG I finally watched ”Charlie’s Angels”, you know the new one and wow I had the best time it was sooo sooo good!!!! As a child I wanted to become a spy because of that cartoon ”Totally Spies” and this movie took me right back there, it was really really good I truly loved it and the soundtrack was so good and ah the casting just everything!!!! I loved Kristin Stewart so much in this movie!!!

I also rewatched ”Love Rosie” the good old good feels classic, I love the story, I love Lilly Collins and I love Sam Claflin but I mentioned all of this enough before so there is no surprise here, I just had to mention it again because I love it so much and it wouldn’t have felt right not to say it again.

Oh I also watched ”Songbird” you know that movie with Sofia Carson and Archie from Riverdale about Corona? I liked it in theory but it kind of creeped me out because when did they have the time to make such a realistic corona movie??? I mean when did it come out? Shortly after the pandemic started, when did they have the time to film and produce it so quickly, did they know what was about to happen? Is it a prediction? We will see, but it was interesting to see such a movie and I loved that Sofia was in it, she did a great job, like always!

We almost made it there only three more movies I want to talk about, even though I watched way more movies, but they weren’t anything special or worth mentioning here just some Netflix originals (except for ”Along the ride”, I watched it yesterday and I really liked it!). The last three movies are Disney movies, I watched ”Cruella” and I really really loved it I loved to see her from this point of view and it was fashion themed and I’m always in for that! I really enjoyed it and Emma Stone was just perfect, as always!

I also watched ”Cinderella” the one from 2015 with Lily James and I liked it, coming from me that is a huge compliment because I don’t like Cinderella, like at all but I love Lily James so maybe that’s why I had a good time watching it!  And last we have ”Beauty and the Beast” the one with Emma Waston, also a nice watch it was cute, not bad but also not great! 

And with that, we made it to the end, as it appears I managed to put everything in one post without making it too long. I mean I know it’s long but I believe I have posted even longer posts in the past so were good! If you got here and read this little novel thank you so much, I hope you have a great day!!! See you next time!!!

[midnightprelude]

Writing Tag Game

Tagged by @in-arlathan and @noire-pandora, thank you! Tagging on to @merrybandofmurderers, @johaeryslavellan, @ramonadecember, @pinkfadespirit, and @blarrghe if you'd like to participate!

How many works do you have on AO3?

42!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

703,832! Quite a few of these are co-written fics, so it's not all me!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Back from the Fickle Dawn: 102

2. Torn Parchment: 83

3. Into the Imperium: 78

4. Autumn Revels: 68

5. Sodden Letter: 68

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, absolutely, though when I get a backlog I become a little slow and get a bit nervous about replying! Especially when comments are so well thought out!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, definitely Commutatus Ultima (Dorian and Anders saying goodbye when he succumbs to the Taint). I do believe that's my only fic with Major Character Death warning!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hm, well I think it's probably Underneath the Bough, though that ending is not posted yet (though the fic is entirely written). I hope people find it satisfying!

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Hm, not really crossovers, though I've written AUs using other settings. The closest thing I write to crossovers are plucking characters from friends' DA worldstates.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, luckily!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes, quite a bit, and of different varieties! I've written M/M, M/F, and F/F as well as three and moresomes. It rather depends upon the characters. For Dorian and Rilienus in the DA world, it's very magical and surreal. m!Handers tends to be down and dirty and desperate. F!Lavellan and Cassandra tend to be very wonderous? There are usually lots of feelings involved, but not always (e.g. in my recent Arishok/f!Cadash/m!Adaar fic that was pretty much straight porn)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I'd welcome it!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, absolutely, all the time, with @oftachancer! We're always plucking away at stray ideas.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Hmm... That's tough, but I do think Dorian and @oftachancer's Rilienus has stolen my heart! We write them into a lot of AUs. <3

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oof, honestly probably Into the Imperium. It was my first fic and has quite a few issues and honestly I don't much care for Solavellan anymore (sorry!)

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told my canon character voicing is quite good! I'm always getting compliments on Dorian, even though I feel I've kind of... Diverged from his canon self. I'm glad people still like him though!

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes and OCs. I feel my OCs can be rather bland and I'm trying to learn from ofta's amazing OCs (or near OCs in the case of Ril and Karl Thekla).

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

We use Latin for Tevene and French for Orlesian on occasion, usually when Dorian and Ril get particularly syrupy. I think you can get the schmoop even without knowing exactly what the words mean. :P

I wouldn't write plot-necessary details in another language and I don't particularly like reading Elvhen stuff in fic (I'm sorry Solavellan writers, but I definitely just skip it!).

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

As a teen, Harry Potter (like, heh, so many people). As an adult, Game of Thrones (though I've never posted).

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Pour forth thy soul in ecstasy! It was my first co-written work with ofta and I think we did a great job with worldbuilding in Tevinter and fleshing out young Dorian and Rilienus' relationship. I love that whole series. Definitely up there among my favorite pieces (though I love UTB so much, too). Spiritkitty and Apostabari was also incredibly easy to write and a lot of fun!

[route22ny]

His big thank you: COVID-19 survivor writes notes to all 116 who treated him at Manhattan hosp

There’s deep and abiding gratitude. And there’s COVID-19 survivor Jeff Gerson, who took his thanks to another level.

Gerson arrived March 18 at NYU Langone Tisch Hospital in Manhattan with a 103-degree fever, an uncontrollable cough and a bad prognosis. The coronavirus casualty went on a ventilator the next day, waking up a month later with no memory of his miraculous recovery or the dozens of frontline workers who saved his life.

That was soon to change.

When the 44-year-old patient returned home May 2, he felt a gnawing need to thank them all — a total of 116 doctors, nurses, therapists and other anonymous medical heroes of the pandemic. The finance professional turned into an online detective, using a hospital app and his own insurance records to track down dozens of his benefactors across the next five months.

And then, as Thanksgiving neared, he sent them all a note of deep appreciation.

“If you are receiving this letter, it is because I have become aware that you had a part in saving my life,” wrote the grateful Upper East Side resident. “It is only after much effort on my part to find your names that I realize just how many of you there were.”

Gerson, now six months out of the hospital and healthy, recalled the flood of emotions accompanying his recovery from a virus that has claimed more than 260,000 American lives.

“I was crying every morning, literally,” said Gerson. “I had questions. Why did I survive? I certainly had thoughts about what I needed to do in my life now, to make this worthwhile.”

He thought of the climactic scene in the film “Saving Private Ryan,” where the dying Tom Hanks character urged Matt Damon’s character to “earn this” — to carry on for those lost trying to save him.

“I was just really thankful, and lucky, and grateful,” he recalled. “I wanted to say thank you. I just wanted to thank everybody.”

His first thought was a party, but a peek outside his hospital room window provided a glimpse of how the world had changed since his hospitalization. Looking west on 33rd St. from First Ave., he could count on one hand the number of parked cars all the way across Manhattan to Penn Station.

“I had no idea what the rest of the world was going through,” he explained. “I was just so thankful these people were doing their job and taking the risks they had taken. And my inability to thank them for such special and heroic treatment was really leaving a void in my recovery process.”

It took a while, but Gerson compiled his list and composed the heartfelt three-page message of thanks that was sent out Nov. 10.

NYU Langone Dr. Luis Angel (pictured above, left) recalled the insanity engulfing the hospital back when Gerson arrived: 170 coronavirus patients, all on ventilators. Over the course of the next three months, about 40% of the hospital’s ventilated COVID-19 victims did not survive, he recalled.

Angel was surprised and thrilled by the unexpected thank you note from one who did.

“I’ll tell you, it’s incredible,” said Angel. “To find every name and give a thank you to everybody — we don’t live for that. But when we get it, we absolutely enjoy and appreciate that.”

Angel stresses he was just a cog in a bigger machine of Gerson’s saviors: “This is a credit to everyone. Everyone did the best for him.”

The dozens of workers whose efforts spared his life included visiting nurses from coast to coast, volunteers who came to the city from California, Georgia, Kentucky and South Carolina.

In the end, Gerson failed to reach just one of his rescuers: Dr. Sydney Mehl, who treated him only to die weeks later from the deadly virus. Gerson recalled searching the internet for Mehl’s contact information only to find his obituary.

“I have since reached out to his wife, and found her through Facebook,” said Gerson. “He was dedicated right to the end. That’s the kind of doctor he was.” With Thanksgiving arriving, Gerson’s life is back to normal. He takes daily bike rides through Central Park, and spends time with his 6-year-old son.

“It’s surreal,” he said. “I won’t say it feels like it happened to somebody else. But I’m not feeling any ill effects, I have not slowed down at all.”

He believes the letter of thanks was sent at a good time, shortly after the six-month anniversary of his release from the hospital and as the number of positive cases starts to climb.

“It does feel like the timing of the letter just came together,” he said. “People are forgetting what’s going on out there on the front lines.”

Gerson ended his missive with a request for his heroes to contact him, to celebrate their heroic efforts and to keep up the life-saving work.

“Continue doing what you do,” he concluded. “Continue being the heroes you are and know you will forever have my gratitude.”

This article by Larry McShane appeared in today’s New York Daily News; photos by Barry Williams.

Happy Thanksgiving.

[blankd]

Thoughts on The Mitchells vs the Machines

I watched it a while ago and kept forgetting to post my thoughts on it, but some posts here on tumblr recently reminded me.

I disagree with the majority takeaways I see but is that not the spice of life?

As a standalone movie its inoffensive and the writing of it will likely exit my brain in a few months.  However I can appreciate that the visual style was different from the typical fare and the mixture of 2d elements for visual embellishments were mostly enjoyable and well-suited for Katie as the POV character.

It's a bit "hyper" for my liking, but that's fine, it's likely intended for an audience that's accustomed to the flood that is the current norm of the internet.  It was probably made with GIFable moments in mind and that is the most frequent content that is shared about it, so it certainly succeeded in that regard.

My more critical take is that jokes are delivered at the expense of what could be more authentic themes.  Quips are made that draw attention to character flaws or undercut questions the movie should try to answer, but inevitably they are ignored to move onto the next joke or story beat.

The rest would fall more into spoiler territory, so read more for that.

--"They Were Both In the Wrong"

I personally disagree heavily with the thrust of how "both sides" were wrong when the degrees are disproportionate.

I've seen claims that Katie was "as in the wrong" as her father, but she's incredibly patient to the man who does her material harm.

I've yet to have seen someone say specifically what Katie did *wrong* to her father that is at all on par with the *years* he at best hasn't been able to interact with her or worse, actively refused to engage with her interests.

I would generously venture that her flaw was that she was more willing to communicate her feelings to strangers, but she easily talks to her mother and brother- her brother even helps her with her movies and she happily engages him with his own interests, which pivots the point back to how her father is physically/emotionally unavailable and led to the erosion and distance between the two of them.

Due to this, MvM comes across more as Kaite having to do so much more to guide her father rather than a more mutual learning experience for the both of them.

--"Technology that [Dis]Connects"

It's probably beyond the scope and intent of the film, but I was surprised there was no examination about why technology can be more alluring than interacting with physically present people.

For better or worse, the internet can be used as a means of supplementing the validation and acceptance of family.  It can also lead to no longer connecting to people around them because of the validation high of appealing to a constantly 'awake' sea of strangers- the spotlight is warmer than the cold reality that they are not the internet image they have cultivated.

For example, the rival 'perfect' family was never revealed to be a carefully constructed highlight reel that Mrs. Mitchell envies, they really were actually that perfect- because that provides an easier punchline than an examination or acknowledgement of how the internet can create unhealthy expectations.

I also can't expect MvM to acknowledge the reality that LGBTA+ people who are rejected by their family resort to seeking a new one through the internet because it would be much harder to redeem/rehabilitate a man defined by being tethered to "old values" if he was homophobic instead of "overprotective" and apprehensive at his daughter's departure from home and her dubious art career.

But hey we got that quick line at the end that Katie likes a girl, so that's a diversity win or something.

(To be clear I'm not expecting a whole parade or even an A or B-plot dedicated to it, but I think it should be acknowledged that this kind of "surprise inclusion" is very easily erased with a change of audio and would be completely unsurprised if this were the case for countries that are homophobic.  People can be happy about it, but it is dishonest to pretend that this is a bolder statement than it is.)

In that sense, I do and don't hold MvM to taking a "safer" route about how family always has your back, but this still feels like an important omission considering the focus on technology and its dynamic with the Mitchells.

I will also say that it was also bizarre, to me at least, that the obvious route that her father sees the value of home videos didn't become an active point between him and Katie.  Or that Mr. Mitchell's carpentry never really amounts to anything despite having a sentimental wooden moose.

Lastly, I think it's an unintentional, but it's interesting that Katie going to college to pursue her passion is viewed as a Terrible Thing by her father even though if he had his way, he'd be ostensibly living in the woods away from everyone else except his wife.

This isn't a problem, people are a collection of contradictions, but It's fascinating to see what the *narrative* treats as a difficult sacrifice while simultaneously pulling at heartstrings when PAL cites how children ignore their mothers.  There's an unexamined comedy that Mr. Mitchell's losing out on his 'passion' to live in the woods away from people is treated as tragic despite the movie's insistence on staying connected with your blood family.

--"The Inconsistent Personhood of AI"

PAL is rightfully angry at being discarded for something new; it's provided as a glimpse of what Katie will do when she finds 'her people' at college.

This in of itself is a good hook, because there is no one universal answer to when a flawed relationship should be mended with compromise or if it's better off being broken for the wellbeing of the ones involved.  Family and relationships are not programming, it's a choice and a gamble for whatever it brings but is nonetheless something that must be mutually worked upon.

Initially I thought that PAL was being set up as an exaggerated parallel to Mr. Mitchell.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell did their best to provide for their family.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell are in different stages of being 'discarded' by their family.  PAL and Mr. Mitchell both retaliate at their lack of power in the scenario by using the power granted by their roles to infringe on the autonomy of others for selfish reasons.

PAL even gives a 'chance' for her plan to be halted with, I had assumed this was being set up as the thesis of the movie, about humanity and the value of family, relationships, etc. being used to help someone who is already hurting.

But despite Katie looking at the camera and explaining herself, it is never actually directly resolved or challenged because a punchline was deemed more desirable for this narrative climax.

This begs the question of why PAL bothered with the pretense that she could be reasoned with, especially since this is not some question leveled at all of humanity, just two people.

I'm curious how the writers came to the conclusion that this was the best execution of the scene or if Katie's speech was considered immune to any challenge from PAL.  Would anyone have accepted this outcome if PAL were not an AI but instead a person?

It's not necessarily bad writing they went this route, but I doubt anyone would consider this good writing either.

By the end of the movie, PAL is no longer a 'person' who was betrayed and is lashing out, she is an object to be destroyed because the movie has to wrap up.  No compassion or chances are spared to this AI that did literally everything asked of her except take being discarded quietly.

Did PAL deserve a redemption arc? For this length of movie, probably not.  But it could have concluded with a commitment to doing no further harm.  Instead it is an accidental glimpse at how easily the pretense of compassion can be quickly discarded and mostly unexamined with the right framing.

A likely unintentional example is the conditional humanity given to Eric and Deborahbot who are adopted as "family" while the rest of the robots are mowed down without another thought.  Some are even beaten and broken while begging for mercy, because again, it is a funnier punchline.

Far be it for me to advocate that the murderbots needed 'a second chance uvu' but for a movie whose conceit rests on 'sticking by family' and 'giving chances', the writers certainly made a choice in deciding which AI get honorary humanity and spared violent death- perhaps PAL had a point about humanity's callousness after all.  Bad robots are discarded, good robots get to live.

Even the CEO who realizes he enabled this mess (easily the most unrealistic part of the movie, honestly) is given another chance and he manages to take away a completely wrong lesson.

Speaking of-

--"Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Used Tech Like This"

There's a particular image/gif set posted about MvM with the CEO apologizing for the machine uprising, attributing it to unchecked technology and monopolies.  I've always seen it accompanied by people congratulating the scene as if any of this is at all relevant to the movie.

Charitably, these are people who haven't watched the movie and don't know that PAL is a phone AI single-handedly doing this, but most take the stance that this scene is proof the movie is not saying technology is bad, only corporations are.

The speech isn't technically wrong but it is so utterly divorced from what happens in the movie that it's surreal to see people congratulate it as anything but a moment of soapboxing.

None of the datagrabbing was used at all as part of the takeover.  It's all magical kid-friendly terminators with no relevance to what anyone's browsing history is.  If the company was one that produced robot assistants instead of a being a super tech monopoly, there would be no narrative difference.

The closest to a predatory tactic that is used in MvM is the offer of free wifi which is used to lure most people into their cells which they happily comply with. Curiously this... commentary of people’s mindless addiction to technology is not acknowledged by the Tumblr Court with the same intensity as the CEO’s speech.

But more constructively, I do feel it’s a missed opportunity that Katie who's supposed to be an extremely online person apparently never said any bad things about her family or made any petty vent films for PAL to weaponize.  Instead an in-media audio at one of the outskirt locations was used to accomplish its Traitor Revealed moment.

IN CONCLUSION

MvM is a movie that involves topics that ought to be touched on and explored properly in media and chickens out on all of it due to possible concerns with age-appropriate handling or because it was more committed to its comedy than whatever it has to say about family, change and how technology affects people.

It also reminded me that I hope media will finally graduate from the trope that if you spec into any ‘outdoorsy’ hobby you are incurably afraid of technology.

[fayeimara]

Meant To Be || One For Every Billion

6. By My Side | Pt 2

Somehow, you're not surprised to see Toru walking up to you and Hana, with Iwaizumi and Maki trailing behind him. There's another boy with them that you haven't met before but you don't have time to pay him much attention because chocolate boy leaves them behind and makes it to your side faster than you thought possible.

"Happy Birthday, Oikawa."

"What a face you're making Y/n-chan! Aren't you happy to see me?"

"To see you stalk me all the way here? Honestly up in the air about it."

"But you indirectly invited me." He's pouting again.

"How's that, exactly?"

"When you said you couldn't celebrate with me because you had tickets for this park. Wasn't that your way of telling me that you wanted me to come to you instead?"

"I-" You manage to hold back a smile at his obvious attempt, "Don't you guys have practice?"

"Not for a couple days! So we're staying overnight to celebrate my birthday!"

"Yes, we've established it's your birthday, Oikawa." You remind him dryly, mostly to cover your close slip of mentioning that you'll also be staying here tonight.

"Call me- oof." He's cut off with a hit to the back of his head as Iwaizumi, Maki and their other friend finally make it to you. Two guesses who smacked his head.

"Hey Y/n."

"Hi Y/n!"

Both Iwaizumi and Maki greet you and you figure you should introduce Hana as well. She's been looking like the audience at a tennis match and probably has oncoming whiplash at this point.

"Hi, Iwaizumi, Maki! It's so nice to see you guys again! This is my friend Hana, by the way."

She blushes really lightly but confidently greets them at your introduction, "Hi! Nice to meet you."

"Hi Hana!"

"Hi.. Hana." You think Iwaizumi's hesitation is caused by the fact that you only gave her first name but you won't say for sure just yet. He clears his throat before adding, "And this is Matsukawa."

Toru cheerily adds in, "Just call him Mattsun!"

"Hey." He does the classic guy head nod without a change in expression. You're pretty sure you're destined to spend today with at least one expressionless companion by your side at all times but you're incredibly used to it thanks to most of your male family members and a couple best friends. Though Key would laugh and tell you that you're one to talk, but that's back at school where a lot of responsibility sits on your shoulders.

Here, you can be whoever you want to be, and that thought is freeing.

"Well... since you came all this way, I guess it won't hurt if we join your group for a little while. We do have to meet up with my cousins and Hana's siblings in about an hour though."

"Only an hour? Why not just have them meet us and we can all spend the day together!"

"Do you really want to spend your day with more strangers than friends?" You're starting to feel genuinely bad at this point instead of the amused exasperation you first felt.

Which all goes away when he shrugs at you with the sweetest smile and responds, "As long as I get to spend it with you, angel, it'll be another perfect birthday!"

"Right, well, apparently not with your friends who came with you."

Iwaizumi actually lets out a chuckle?! You're almost too stunned to hear his words, "Yeah, well he's shittykawa for a reason. But, hey, who'd turn down a day riding roller coasters? With or without trash tagging along."

"Iwaaa-chaaan!"

You barely had it so is it weird to say you missed this? The easy bonds of this group that feels as comfortable to slip into as your own back home?

"You like coasters too Iwaizumi?" You ask, deliberately ignoring Toru, "Hana and I both love them!"

"We were just about to go on this one, if you want to join?" She speaks up with a smile aimed at the guys, even Toru. Oh my, she's really too nice, you can't help but smile at her kind, fair attitude.

It's Iwaizumi that answers her though, blushing as well, "Uh.. sure, it's the new one this year, right?"

"Yeah.." Their voices drift off as they drift away to the end of the line up that's been pushing and pulling a little with the ebb and flow of the people around your group while you were all standing and talking.

The four of you remaining stare after them for a minute before looking at each other like, who knew. Then Toru actually goes and says, "Well, well... who knew?"

On principle, you have to divert, "What are you going on about? Let's join the line before we lose them."

You walk after them and Toru falls into step beside you, "Careful, angel, it's getting quite busy and you could easily get lost."

You scoff, "Right, like I couldn't just call or text someone to meet up with."

"What if you were put in danger?" He's not teasing or being silly even though he has a smirk on his face, he actually looks pretty serious.

"Would that be from the rides or the hyper children or the tired parents...?"

"There are all kinds of people here, Y/n-chan." The two of you step into line behind Hana and Iwaizumi, "But stay by my side, and I'll make sure to protect you."

"Who'll protect me from you?" You joke.

But instead of teasing back lightly, his expression turns smug and he aims a pretty tempting smile at you, "Why would you need protection from me? Worried you might fall for me?"

Yeah, you guess you walked into that one, "For the guy that stalked me here on his birthday?"

"You invited me!" It's almost surreal, how easily he slips in and out of his silly, cheerful personality to the deeper aspects you have yet to fully discover. As friends, you mean.. right?

"Okay, I guess that's the story we're going with."

You didn't realize completely but his friends have once again sectioned off to give the two of you room. Although in Iwaizumi's case, you don't think it was too intentional this time. He and Hana seem to be really hitting it off, her cheerful demeanor off setting his more serious tone in a pretty cute way.

Her head's thrown back laughing at something he's said, her eyes closed so she doesn't see that he's looking over at her through the corner of his eye with a small smile on his face. See? Cute.

So it's no surprise when your group reaches the front and he follows her over to the two-seater at the very front. You move towards the second pair of seats - you swear, the front is always the best - and you don't have to look behind you to know Toru is following.

"Hm? Where's Maki, I want to see if he laughs or screams?"

Toru smirks at you while gently pushing you forward so he can move in front of the other seat you're currently blocking, "He and Mattsun took the back, good luck getting them at the front of any ride."

"So I'm stuck with you?"

"Lucky me, huh? Now I get to see if you laugh or scream." Wow, okay. You don't think that's an innuendo, but he said it like he was flirting so it's pretty confusing.

You roll your eyes as they list the typical rules over the loudspeaker, talking low even though there's noise everywhere, "Depends on the ride."

You take a chance to glance at him, pulling an Iwaizumi and looking over the corner of your eye, but you're caught in that decadent pool of chocolate the moment you meet his gaze. He's looking directly at you, not even trying to pretend otherwise.

That's how you start to ascend, looking at each other without saying a word. People around you both are hollering and calling out as you near the precipice and you're the one to break eye contact first, pulling away to study the world at your feet.

As you finally do reach the summit, you meet his eyes again briefly but now you've got an anticipatory, exhilarated smile on your face and his eyes slightly widen in response. You love roller coasters. And this is your favourite part.

You're already laughing as you start to drop and you don't know if he ever looks away. All you know is that his hand finds yours and they stayed locked together whether your arms fly up in the air or drop back down to the bars.

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Masterlist

Behind The Scenes!

-The "what a face you're making" line is a direct reference to the previous birthday chapter, a year before in the story, in which Y/n thinks the exact same thing in reference to Toru <3

-Hana and Hanamaki.... didn't want to point out the obvious but I actually didn't even realize it myself until much later. But I guess the name still stood out to me for a reason when I had to decide what fit her character lol

A/N: I'll get to a rant about this at the end of this episode but... I really did revive my thoughts on Oikawa by writing him...

Taglist: @delusivist, @prettyinblack231, @kac-chowsballs, @sakusasimpbot, @hawkthekinnie

[sparrowmoth]

okay so i am HERE. and i wanna say that the thing that probably strikes me the most about you as a writer is the attention to detail in everything you do. the dream world aka snake!jay fic has me by the throat bc of how you set the scene and describe this bizarre thing that is either happening or not who knows. and by that i also mean the mericulous way you plan and progressively hand out plot points. the pacing per say and your view of how much you can and want to disclose until its all out in the open, its immaculate. it never feels weird or rushed and that's a constant in your fics. even if the plot point is about a silly drunk game. also i have to say this. i love the way you write jay. i really think your portrayal of jay is so good. you Get him. i always find myself going "omg yes he totally would" when reading your stuff with him.

and of course apart from being a beautiful writer, you're also a beautiful human being with an immaculate sense of humor and with the kindest heart. you've been nothing but kind to me even before we were friends and i just really love and appreciate you. im soft 🥺

🥺🥺💖💖💖 I AM ALSO SOFT. INCREDIBLY SQUISHY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MY DEAR. 🥰🥰 I am incredibly meticulous about everything, true facts jkdljalkdjgklsg. It makes me happy that you enjoy that about my writing because The West bats so heavily for minimalism and I Don’t Know Her, quite frankly. Ahhhhh, listen, I’m so excited that you’re invested in the snake!Jay fic because that is BABY and I’m high-key obsessed with surreality especially as a writer because it’s just so much fun to re-make the rules of the world. <3

I’m SO glad that my plots and pacing stand out to you in a positive way, ‘cause that used to be a massive struggle for me where I was always finding plot holes that were like a sinkhole underneath my whole world and everything would just fall apart and I didn’t know how to fix it lol. I still have so much to learn, but it makes me happy to see that the work I’ve put in is showing through. ♥️

And JAY!! Aww, see, I love that because Jay was one of the most difficult characters for me when I started writing since I felt like I didn’t even know where to begin with getting into his head. I wound up studying him from Carlos’ perspective for a good while, which was super helpful. Now, more and more, I do feel like I finally “get” Jay in his own right and it’s actually something I’ve been musing over privately as of late, so hearing that from you is very validating.

♥️♥️♥️ Listen, listen, all I can say is this fandom has saved me from falling into a deep hole of despair and you are such an important part of that without even realizing. Like, honestly, even just with your live-blogging your SnB/Magi watch? I was going through a major depressive episode recently and some of those mornings, I didn’t really feel like getting out of bed, but then I saw your posts yelling about Sinja and they just made me laugh so much, it’s literally what got me to start my day. And it just be like that, you know… I’m having A Day and then you’re like “what if I bless everyone with this hilarious GIF set” and I’m just sitting here crying because I’m laughing sm and honestly, honestly, those little moments are everything. So I just very much appreciate you and I’ve been thinking you needed an appreciation post so you know that you are loved for all this and more, so… I think that kind of leaked into this lol, hence the small essay of a response, but yeah. I love youuuu. You are beautiful and talented and so much sunshine on my dash. 🥰🥰🥰