#what AM i doing with my life anymore
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me when #sakanoue x hiura is empty except for when i requested them from an ina11rarepair blog😓😓
#zahrawr rawrs★*.✧#MY BABIES NEED MORE CONTENT#oh wait#im a writer#AND an artist#what AM i doing with my life anymore
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Hey guys did you hear about Candace getting banned
APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao gotcha
#what am I doing with my life anymore#I'm sorry#april fools#but no#eating cheese yoghurt is legal on mars
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another p5r art dump hiiiiieii 😢😢😢
#fem shuake#akiras a bit of a freak but like hey a pretty girl is threatening her w a knife whats a girl to do...#im back !!!!!! i finished the entirety of p5r for the first time !!!!!! im so#third semester....... third semester...... third semeste#i battled through the whole thing with just royal trio because. well because yiou see. stares at u with my big teary eyes#i feel like those miserable seal pictures#No!!!! no i still havent recovered this may stick with me for the rest of my life. look at what uve done atlus#i am a mere husk of who i once was...... true ending killed my joy and whimsy... nothing to smile about in life anymore#tje theb the dates after maruki palace where u say goodbye to everyone and the thieves start planning for their future 😭😭😭😭 uhag g aghh#shuake#akeshu#kurusu akira#akira kurusu#amamiya ren#ren amamiya#sumire yoshizawa#yoshizawa sumire#yusuke kitagawa#kitagawa yusuke#p5r#persona 5 royal#persona 5#my art
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didn’t in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr
#I am only a girl living in a society#I make connections#she looks so pretty in blue though I want more#also you’re telling me that rhaenyra saw her walk in all cute looking to not completely crumble at the sight of her?#like my girl got all dolled up for you do something#rhaenyra IS a puppy dog when it comes to those bambi eyes shut up#Alicent was like you think you want her? I’m the love of your life you moron#and rhaenyra is like I KNOW#like she’s been trying to get the other woman to realize that very thing for the last 15+ years#and alicent’s all heartbroken like oh so you’re taking her to wife#and rhaenyra is like nO? WHAT?? all dumb and speechless cause jealous alicent was definitely not on her bingo card this year#whilst also having her own mental breakdown#because how on earth is she meant to explain this to her councel#or jace for that matter#that sure was goint to be a fun future conversation to have with her heir#but also Alicent just strutted into the room and started acting like a scorned wife?#which left rhaenyra feeling like the asshole parent who stopped paying for child support after the divorce#but also she never wanted a divorce in the first place?? and alicent doesn’t seem to get this?#like she’s already figuring out how to most efficiently empty daemon’s chambers for the woman to move in permanently#but alicent’s still yapping off about not having a place in court anymore and fleeing across the sea#and rhaenyra can’t help the bitter taste in her mouth as she states how that ship came in a little too late for them and it is messyyyy#hotd leaks#house of the dragon leaks#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon#house of the dragon spoilers#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#bridgerton
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TAYLOR ZAKHAR PEREZ Natural Diamonds
#taylor zakhar perez#tzpedit#rwrb cast#rwrbsource#usernuria#usersteen#userninz#userveronika#usermegsb#mine*#.............................#what.#what am i supposed to do with all of this#im just a person#seriously it should be illegal to be this good looking#its not a joke anymore this is my life#wdym he just out here with a cowboy hat riding a horse 😭😭😭#ugh good for him#even tho this is purely a thirst gifset you should actually read his interview#the way he talks about sustainability and how he wants to be represented on screen is beautiful <3
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I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something
#arcane#arcane critical#powder was raised by vi more than vander#she barely spoke to him#and powder always cared more about vi's reaction than the dead parents on the ground 2 feet away from her#which does a lot to explain 'I am the monster you created' when season 1 was so heavy on children being shaped by their parents#vi did eldest daughter syndrome too hard. vander told her it was her fault if things went wrong and then most of her family died#vi having a momentary bad reaction to her little sister causing all of this and realising that vander was right about violence#because she's so used to it that she just hit powder in the face and made her nose bleed and it seeped into every aspect of her life#and needing to step away for a moment and just feel and cry and be a child#ruined everything and it's always framed as her 'abandoning' powder (which I understand how powder would see it that way#because I'm such a youngest sister that's my first thought too. I have to remind myself that's Not What's Happening. also powder has bpd#she demonstrably cannot handle what she perceives as rejection or abandonment or betrayal or the truth being withheld)#vi has to do So Much. why is everything her fault. I so adore how much she wants to look after powder because of course she does#but jinx isn't seven anymore. she doesn't want to be treated like the helpless little girl she was that day. she's an adult#she had to nuke the council for vi to understand that she isn't the same anymore#and she's responsible for her own actions#ITS ALL SO GOOD ITS SOSOSOSO GOOD I LOVE SISTERS#*correction: I believe jinx is vaguely a teenager in s1. not an adult (being imprisoned by piltover would be as wrong as when she was 7)#but not vi's kid sister anymore either
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#gif#why do I have to spend every christmas and every birthday alone#for what am I being punished#I am a good person#and I don’t think this suffering has any sense#it’s just that in life the happy people have good things coming their way#and the sad people always just get more trauma#I know I could have a relationship if I didn’t have such a traumatic childhood#my trauma lets me reject the good guys and waste my time with the aholes#but i don’t know what to do about it#every nice guy I met absolutely wasn’t attractive to me#and we also didn’t have anything in common#so I’m not even regretting rejecting them cause it wouldn’t have worked out#and they deserve someone who actually fancies them#i just wonder why I never met a nice guy that I have common interests with#or who matched my preferences lookwise#it really feels like I’m simply not allowed to ever meet the right person#and gotten to the point where I swipe for hours have a lot of matches and then ghost everyone#as I just know it either will be someone nice but not attractive to me or an ahole#I just don’t have any energy left anymore#I just want to experience love so bad but can’t do these dates anymore#I’m so so tired
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I was possessed btw
#God what am I doing with my life I hate myself#murder drones#serial designation n#god help me#buff n#I guess#idk anymore god take me now#I gave him shorts btw some of y’all are weird-#Can’t be taking any chances with you ppl smfh
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men love to try and tee me up for their next relationship while they’re still dating their current gf and i am never interested. NEVER.
#i don’t even fuck w men like that#mind you i’ve told this man that i am NOT INTERESTED in dating SEVERAL TIMES when he’s asked ab my romantic life#but he’s saying some suspicious ass stuff#like today he was like ���yeah and it’s hard bc i’m starting have feelings for….this isn’t about anyone in particular….others outside#the relationship. and it’s making me feel guilty’#and i’m like hm. um. okay.#and he’s being weirdly cryptic with me in the way men get when they think they’re being sly ab their feelings for you#😭😭#he’s texting me a bunch lately too like ‘you just really inspire me to be the best version of myself i can be’#and ‘i had a really bad week and i just wanted to thank you for being so kind and funny and awesome’#mind you i didn’t do anything out of ordinary for him#mind you he’s my coworker!!!#i see him every day!!#i’m not stupid idk 😭 you complain ab your gf to me and the shower me in praise like pls stop im uncomfortable 😭😭#i’ve already told him i don’t really want this dynamic with a coworker and he kinda just continues and idk what to do anymore!#like we work closely on everything!#he sits directly beside me in the office!#BLAH#cielo rambles!
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having one of those mid-20s moments where you're like well damn. im really not a teenager anymore i dont hate myself anymore actually. like its insane
sorry i gotta ramble but this feels too silly to post anywhere else
#kk.txt#not snz#like for a while even the thought of like admitting i didn't hate myself felt like.. like i was being full of myself#idk what clicked in my brain a few years ago but it felt like i started to see myself more and like understand myself as a person#like i would a friend. and i just didn't think like that before i guess lmao#but like idk i dont talk about my personal life much but ive been recovering from post-pandemic agoraphobia#and i just went on my first big trip alone and im like. god its barely there anymore its just a little shadow in the corner of my mind#that only spreads occasionally now instead of overwhelming me#like im still terrible at a lot a lot a lot of social interaction type stuff but im like.. doing better than i thought id be able to#a few years ago. like idk im not good at.. change and especially conceptualizing myself as someone who can change and be fluid#like i really do think a majority of my person like my core morals and demeanor havent changed that much. and i like that#it makes me feel more secure to be that way#but at the same time its like my mental image isn't nearly as self hating as it used to be#like i used to picture myself as coming off basically the same way as that girl from watamote lmao like#ugly greasy awkward offputting weird#but now im like.. im just some guy... like yeah i have less experience putting effort into my appearance and i slouch and i have acne#but i am also capable of looking good occasionally. i dont need to do it all the time#ok i got off the bus and my train of thought died goodbye
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i miss carpisuns sometimes </3
#not necessarily that I regret switching over but i just get like nostalgic for an earlier time in the ml fandom#s3 was soooo much fun for me#and the long hiatus before s4 was also the best. so good wasn’t ready for it to end when it did haha#things just feel so different in the fandom now#both the fandom has changed and I have changed#and of course the STORY has changed#and I like don’t know what to do about that or how to react#cause I am used to being one of the guys who is defending ml’s honor with my life lol#committed to spreading positivity#and I still want to be that guy!#but it’s like. idk. I don’t recognize this story anymore#this isn’t the same story that I fell in love with years ago. but I don’t want to just like Leave??#I do want to see how things play out bc I am still invested in these characters#and I would love to still be part of the fan community and connect with people over a mutual love for this thing#that has been important to me for years and has inspired me to create and learn new skills and make new friends!#but I also don’t just want to shut up and pretend I’m happy about things I am decidedly unhappy about lol#like it’s honestly surprising to me that a only a small minority of the fandom seems to feel the way I do?#and the majority are still super pumped and frustrated at the people who are complaining#and really. I don’t WANT to rain on anyone’s parade. I honestly don’t#I was part of the parade for years! I had the best time in the parade! I don’t want to ruin the good time!#so i try not to be too salty on main ? but i feel like I’m going a little crazy lmao! like I’m just one bitter little miser fhdjjd#i mean i guess it’s kind of a good thing that I moved blogs tbh lol#cause now when i whine only a fraction of the people have to be exposed to it 😂#but man i hate knowing that people might think of me as a salter#I mean it’s valid if people are trying to have fun and do not want to hear my complaining haha#but also do i automatically have to be a salter. are the only options support and defend ml 100% at all times or Be A Salter#or can there be a third category of certified ml lover that is just disappointed in recent events & disagrees with the new writing direction#is that too much nuance for tumblr lol#see maybe that’s why I miss carpisuns. she didn’t have to ask this question. she was only full of LOVE!#but therein lies the irony…like marinette I have made this choice out of love…for what the story once was…what is to become of me now…
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WHAATT ??? SPOOKY MAKING ACTUAL ART AGAIN ??? thiz iz insane
★ version without text + image based on under cut :
★ song : "Goodbye to This Meaningless Everyday" – Dobu no Awa
#wowza thiz one waz kinda really super mega hard#the background waz a huge pain to make but im actually so proud of how it came out#i felt like i needed to unwind after today . especially cuz tomorrow will be a million timez more stressful . but instead i made thiz ://#ive had thiz song stuck in my head for a few dayz and wowza i needed to make smth based on it – just had to get it out of my system#also i finally drew colin again !!!! featuring some kind of important lore related stuff !!!!#young colin !!!! wow !!!! feast your eyez upon him !!!!#.....#oh who am i even kidding#nobody will care about thiz#nobody botherz with what i make anymore#why should i#itz clear that i have to give up on making mediocre art and instead focuz on getting a good job – i have no worth az a living being anyway#so might az well make myself useful ...#i have no redeeming qualities – everyone i know doezn't care for me and thatz ok#itz fine#i don't mind#some of us need to be the primary pick for natural selection anywayz#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis colin#colin the computer#dhmis hv colin#bro itz literally midnight i should be sleeping#what am i doing with my life bro – a time such az thiz should be dedicated to studying . not for mucking around#im such a failure child#sigh
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Spive (my wives)
#spive regretevator#spive#regretevator#roblox#roblox games#sillies#my wives did you know#Oh forgot to say but testing a new style wahoo#It takes more time but im genuinely pleased with result ermm#I need more old woman yuri bro I can't do this anymore#split x bive#regretevator split#split#regretevator bive#bive fanart#bive#I am literally Bive y'all#Sorry for not posting for liek 2 months#shits crazy in my life atm but I am planning on posting more!!#(Like toh redesigns and more Regretevator art 🤫🤫)#my art#digital art#took 4 hours what#hope this kiss fr
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I never thought I'd say this, but there's no way I'm one of the only ones here that isn't chronically online. Right? Right??
#PLEASE don't tell me this is genuinely how all of you view this#I'm not gonna make a longer post unless prompted but. there's no way so many of you are this chronically online. there's just no way#I mean this is the nicest way possible btw#some of y'all need to get some friends IRL. like genuinely.#if y'all are thinking that its evil to draw teens smoking weed or for there to be 2 year age gaps in high school relationships-#you do NOT know enough people. I'm being serious#don't get me wrong; some of the things being talked about are serious issues#(I am basically only referring to Louis when I say this. I hope you're doing okay man)#but the rest is stuff that is just so stupid I swear#I don't like engaging in drama hence why I'm not gonna tag the fandom or make this a big post outside of the tags#So much of this is the kind of thing you'd see in a 2018 DA ranters video and that is NOT a good thing#the combination of a lack of nuance + being teens with no life experience + hard opinions is soooooo ass#like this feels like the beginning of a clique who hates artistic expression#I saw one of the posts talking about how people in this fandom should basically be only wholesome or else you're evil and just. What??#Not how art works. not how liking a thing works. stop trying to police the people around you#when I say 'you' I am referring to the amorphous blob of people I'm targeting this rant at and not everyone btw#and I thought that me with my mental health testing approved black & white thinking pattern was bad. god damn#sorry for these tags being so long and ranty I just needed to yap about how I think a lot of this is stupid#if anyone following me doesn't want to follow me anymore due to this that's fine. idrc tbh#I could also like explain anything I mean in an actual post if anyone is confused by any of this#but otherwise this is my two cents#andy rambles
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starting to feel my enjoyment of cooking seeping back in after a long period of intense burnout that had me really slogging along preparing meals with gritted teeth for a good month there. i credit the return of this spark to the much needed break i took on our 3 day vacation that resulted in us eating solely theme park food. while delicious, in all its greasy overpriced glory, i found myself missing the kitchen. so last night for dinner i made heavily spiced chicken wings with crushed peppercorns and garam masala that rendered slowly in its own fat while roasting in the oven, resulting in flavorful charred crisp skin and a really juicy bite. we picked them clean over steamed rice with lime and scallions. i also baked a loaf of marbled pumpkin and dark chocolate bread yesterday for my neighbor as a thank you for doing me a favor last week. it looked delicious. the crumb was tender and plush and velvety, the spiced ginger molasses pumpkin batter swirling alongside the bitter dark chocolate espresso batter, with puddles of dark chocolate bubbling across its top. it looked so lovely i whipped up a second one for us to have for ourselves that's in the oven now, i think it could be a really good breakfast pastry for us this week.
#ugh it feels sooooooooo good to be enjoying cooking again#it was so bad the last like month or so i just#have been sooooo burnt out#it's genuinely insane what a 3 day vacation can do to reset you :(( it makes me sad lol#i wish that everyone could rest to their hearts content forever#i think i am someone who is extremely prone to burnout and i need about quadruple the amount of quiet alone resting time#that the average person does#so when i get burned out its like excruciating to pull myself out of it again#but im also the primary cook of my household so there isn't really time to take a break and recharge and find my joy for it because#we have to eat lol#3 times a day#every day#forever#BUT#i am feeling so much better about things now after making that dinner and baking a little bit#its feeling soooo autumnal around here lately too which helps#the changing of the seasons is so good for my cooking motivationg#idk#i was feeling pretty depressed that i was starting to resent cooking for a while there since when i enjoy it it's like#life-giving#soul sustaining#wonderful hobby that gives my life purpose and meaning#and it was breaking my heart that i wasn't feeling that way anymore#but i can feel myself coming back#writing about food helps me too#something about describing it#and sharing it with other people who are delighted by it#makes me enjoy it a little extra#sigh#i feel like im returning to myself finally !!!
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