#weve been struggling a lot lately

[forever-unsure-self]

[realstrap]

07/20/2024

Time sensitive!

Our landlord is coming with the electrical company on the 23rd to finally fix our energy issues, and we need to get this house clean

We're short on money and out of supplies and we need to get it done b4 then

$90 needed

CA: $lezsalt/$sleepyhen

Vm: wildwotko

Dm 4 PP

[kittykatinabag]

I am once again asking why the mbta does not have the fob-only posts to quickly validate fare when you're running for the train instead of having to fumble through the dumbass fare machine menu.

London can do it, so can we.

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel reallllllly bad abt this

so some backstory my bf plays a lot of military video games (war thunder esp thats his fave) and loves military boats and planes and wants to go into the military via an academy.

i have a complicated relationship w the military and military men. a lot of the men in my family (my grandfathers, uncles, cousins etc) were at one point in the military and it didnt go well for any of them. they all have major issues cause of their service. my grandfather developed a drinking problem after vietnam, my great uncle extreme PTSD after fighting in Iraq and all have or had been abandoned by the govt esp my uncles. so needless to say i have a weird relationship w the us govt and military systems.

so my bf wants to go into the military and while im well aware that high school sweethearts usually dont work out weve been dating for over 3 years straight and bros been talking abt marriage lately so i kinda have a feeling well last so his military dreams scare the SHIT out of me. not just the possibility of having him come back in a casket, or not coming back at all but him coming back so different, angry/violent or a drunk or an addict or sick or all of the above. i want him to be happy but i dont want him to come back blown to bits or missing limbs.

hes one of those people who wants to do it for the glory. the love of country the idea of coming back a hero. the way the current politics are going in america were probably gonna have a huge war soon maybe even on 2 fronts, WWIII. that scares me too just in general and add someone i love so much so far for so long going years w/o seeing him, sometimes not knowing if hes dead or alive. scares me but thats so selfish. thats my problem im so selfish about it. ive told him my concerns and it makes me feel like a bad person cause ik he wants this pretty bad tho he did say if he doesnt get into an academy he wont enlist hell go somewhere else for engineering and work for the govt that way. but i just feel so selfish. i want him to be happy but i also want him alive and safe.

also while im being honest here i really dont think hes military material. hes not very uh fit (i doubt hed pass the physical test), his grades r pretty average the academies r really hard to get into, hes EXTREMELY stubborn which the military would not at all approve of he only does one extracurricular, and he has some other problems i wont mention that wouldnt go well in the military. so his chances at an academy arent very high but just enough to scare me.

and i know its selfish which is why i feel so bad about it. its so complicated. on one hand i really dont want him to go and i just want him to consider the pros and cons, he has a very video game propaganda-y watered down "glory" view of the military that they can do no wrong and i know the other end the trauma, the abandonment, the fear, ive heard the stories the stories of men watching each other get blown up, watching civilians struggle to breathe cause of the chemicals we used, my grandfather had to watch his best friend get his legs blown off. the coming back different, changed and not for the better. sure the glorys nice the honor is amazing but at what cost? i have relatives who have purple hearts and were abandoned by the system that gave it to them. on the other hand tho i know its so selfish to not want him to follow what he wants to do. to tell him he shouldnt, that its a bad idea, that its not worth it, that the risk isnt worth the possible reward, to think abt how once u sign on that dotted line u cant quit till ur contract is up. im gonna follow my dreams of being an artist so why should i let him follow his?

i feel so conflicted abt it. i cant tell where the line between caring and selfishness is. i feel guilty and selfish and scared all at the same time. i hope and pray he changes his mind but i know i cant make him no matter how many times i not so subtly mention the possiblity of death, disability, PTSD the thousands of things that can go wrong. i feel so selfish but i cant help my fear. i think i care too much. thats my problem. i care too much abt his physical safety i overlook his happiness. i apologized to him abt my selfishness over this like a half hour ago and havent heard back.

[swervdcity-arc]

hi hii i love you all. just wanted to drop an activity/life update on the dash since ive been almost radio silent. by no means do you have to read all of it, but just know i might not be online for a bit until i get my shit together! if inactivity bothers u at all, feel free to hardblock me if you so desire. tw for drug abuse, substance abuse, self harm.

ive struggled with substance abuse problems for a big part of my life, almost ALWAYS exacerbated by anxiety and my chronic stomach problems. i was clean from painkillers for almost 8 months (give or take) and i relapsed this week. i talked with my partner about it and weve already discussed plans of action, but so far, ive been good for the past 4 days so thats a winnnn.

i can already feel a MASSIVE difference in my body since. i've been trying my best to keep myself healthy these past couple of days, and at the least feel like a living person, and its really fucking difficult. i dont have a lot going on for me rn, so theres not much i can do to distract myself. i did hang out with one of my long time besties last night and had a blast, so that was really really awesome.

i have a support system, i'm safe, and i know from here its back to the uphill battle. it can feel really really bleak, and its honestly been incredibly embarrassing to even acknowledge a relapse or that i had a problem in the first place. but im really grateful that i'm truly in a place and surrounded by people who care for me and want to see me get better.

if ive been super silent lately, this is why. i try to tend to me relationships the best i can, because i do care for them truly, and i love chatting with my tumblr besties. ive just been exhausted and havent had the capacity to even say "heyyy im going thru it im going dark for a bit." but please know im not ghosting you or anything, i just havent had the brain power to say whats going on.

i will be here though! soon! when i feel better and capable of doing so! i wont lie, i LOVE writing here even though it kicks my ass sometimes. its become such an important creative outlet for me, and despite the Problems, i feel safe and happy in my community. i love writing with yall, i love the people with make up and making them kiss, i love reading and writing lore. its really important to be as a hobby, so you definitely will see me back.

i might pop on the dash every now and then to say hi and yell about stuff, i might draft sum shit up soon, but im going to be prioritizing getting my shit together for the time being.

xoxo godsip girl

[chcctah]

@c137 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY OLD GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANNY BABI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT !!!! I WANTED EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT

i really really lost count of HOW MANY YEARS weve been doing this, its just so insane. youre the longest friend i had for years and i don't think i know anyone here as long, def not. i was 13 when we first met and today i am 25, i'll be 26 in just less than 3 months and it's just.. crazy. it's crazy that in less than 3 months it'll be half of my entire life spent knowing you, and i couldn't wish for a better friend to go with me through this journey.

even if our interests are different today, the fandoms we changed over and over, the struggles you went through your life, the struggles i went through mine, it doesn't matter if you know who i am in real life, where i'm from, what i am - you always accepted me and you always see me first as a human being first than anything, and i think that's the greatest gift i could ever have, to have a person like you that's always listening, that always keeps the door open to me, and to have this friend i can trust and be myself around in this world that i so many times feel so alone and feel like i do not belong, it really means the world for me. your love means so much for me and i'm so glad i got to grow up being with & around you. i still keep the necklace you gave me and at times like these it changes the entire world for me and makes me smile. you've changed my life for the better, and if you're capable of influencing someone's lives to such deegre - i'm sure you're capable of doing much more and everything. the dreams you have, the plans for the future even if those take time or some savings - i just know in my heart you can achieve everything you would like in your heart, and it'll be never too late to live those dreams and make them reality.

i love you so so much jasper, i'll forever love you and i hope we could always just be there for each other for a very long time! even if its just appearing on dash posting art, just knowing youre here and present and okay makes my life complete and brings me lots happiness

I LOVE U!!!! I SORRY IT GOT LONG SMOOCHES U!!! HAPPY BIRTH!!! ALSO USED THIS IMAGE REF FOR THE MONSTER ERIC DRAWING!! I THOUGHT IT WAS SO NEAT I SAVED IT I PLANNED TO DRAW THEM IN THIS POSE

[insidejizz]

reagan ridley headcanons!

heyyyy its me again im here to write about the girl of all time reagan - this is SO self indulgent and also a lot longer than i thought it would end up being so im putting it under the cut for ease of everything ! no nsfw here though a small amount of body talk !

once again a reminder that REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR BOTH ART AND WRITING !

// i think that reagan had a really hard time coming to terms with the idea that she is/could be autistic and still. struggles to accept it at times

she definitely took the raads-r test at one point and got a crazy high number like 189 

(for those that dont know the raads-r goes from like 0-224, and anything over 60 constitutes reasonable autism)

and after she got such a high score on that she had a classic #reaganmoment and stayed up all night taking as many other tests as she could find to "collect more data"

i mean its. hard enough to realize youre autistic much less 1) so late in life and 2) when everyone is constantly making it a joke . like i really do think shed be adverse to the idea for so long because it was always used as a "haha reagans weird" punchline and so

(she doesn't want to prove to rand and tamiko that they were right about something being off about her)

obviously everyone around her is. very aware of her autism and has been finding ways to deal with it for years but she doesn't know what to do about it at all after her night of testing

because yeah the test results SAY that its very very likely shes autistic but maybe she answered the questions wrong or something 

ab has to listen to her pace back and forth for hours about this and he is no help mostly because hes realizing he has autism everytime she states a symptom

obviously her special interest is science and robotics, that's pretty goddamn obvious . you could even argue her job is a special interest with how much time she spends nonstop thinking about it

the amount shed have to unmask is INSANNEEEEEE im just saying . shed have to unlearn 30 years of petty comments making her cover up all her autistic traits

i dont think shes someone who would openly stim, or at least in 'classic' ways

her stimming usually is like ;

pacing

chewing on pens + pencils

tapping pens + pencils

pressing keys on her keyboard over and over

wiggling her fingers 

// also reagans basically schroedingers jew

i say this because shes not "technically" jewish as in her family is not jewish but i believe that jr made her very active in his jewishness and so she was essentially raised jewish by her godfather

like. jr would have definitely thrown her an INSNAE bat mitzvah and you can't change my mind. he wouldve insisted on it

especially because i feel like reagan wouldnt like her birthday, both bc of the memories weve Seen of them and what we know about her family i just think she/ prefers to not think about them

but she was turning 13 and jr was like no you are going to be the biggest princess for a whole day everythings going to be about you

because he definitely went ALL OUT

i dont know what passage she would choose to read bc im not super well versed in torah but

the party ???? mans spared no expense but it was also very . reagan

like idk i feel like hed pull off some crazy robot-themed bat mitzvah or whatever she wanted at age 13

like she would have just graduated MIT at that point!!!!!! i think she deserves a baller party

anyway i dont think that a lot of people. came to the party (that werent cognito employees) but that didnt really matter

because jr spent the entire night there with reagan just giving her the best night he could (JR DAD MOMENTS JR DAD MOMENTS) 

like i bet they did a goofy ass 'father'-daughter dance and he was like woah youre getting so tall now youre almost as big as me and shes like well im officially a woman now! and he just starts crying GHEOIGJSEOIES

also more casual jewishness than just that like . 

she thinks fondly on being able to ask the questions at the passover seder (though as a kid she thought they were stupid bc why ask the same questions every year we already know the answer)

and there was one point where they were observing shabbat but they werent at home so they had to like . go and buy a loaf of bread and they used jrs handkerchief as the challah cover and stuff and she used some stuff to make little robot candles because they didnt have real ones and it wasnt a kosher shabbat but it was certainly one that was from the heart and HGHhgehesughshges

having jr pick her up so she could kiss the mezuzah when they went inside his place

hgheshgiehjsg listen i could go for hours.

so like yes she is jewish. she celebrates hanukkah every year and has a collection of menorahs that jr has gotten her (and shes gotten herself) over the years

but she also wouldnt say shes jewish bc shed feel weird about it 

i think shes definitely considered converting but never gotten around to it simply on terms of No Fucking Time

at least a year of study ? taking time off for the holidays ? hahahahahahaha whos schedule would that even fit into lol

so like if someone were to ask if she was jewish she would say " i was raised jewish by my godfather" and if anyone decides to question more then it gets Complicated lmao

// CHUBBY REAGAN CHUBBY REAGAN CHUBBY REA

listen. i refuse to believe she would be self conscious about being 140 pounds theres no reason for her to think thats fat and so i think that brett was guessing (bc he can lift massively and so weight means nothing to him) and she panicked and was like "MY STATIONARY BIKE IS BROKEN." bc chubby

also she has a desk job, basically exclusively eats junk food and drinks, lounges around every chance she gets

i truly believe that reagan is pudgy. i think that she hides it under that lab coat and she should STOP hiding it <3<3<3

reagan with stretch marks? reagan with stretch marks

also she deserves bigger tits and she has them bc shes chubby<3

she would also have a bit of a tummy and bigger thighs but i dont think shes particularly well endowed in the ass department

like its not bad! but she doesnt have a Great ass

like a lot of things about herself she isnt exactly happy with it but shes so squishy and perfect to grab and shit so<3

// another tangent but reagan is. very picky about the type of music allowed around the office 

like she has approved playlists for all of the group whenever they r allowed the aux 

myc is usually not allowed the aux bc he has INSANE music taste. ykno the sounds mushrooms make when you hook them up to electricity or whatever? its essentially 4 hours of that with cupcakkke mixed in

most of the time its background noise for her, so she doesnt like music being too loud

shes essentially like a dad with the ac the way she is abt the music volume lol like WHO TURNED IT UP WE KEEP THE VOLUME AT 72. 

she doesnt listen to music in her lab really, and when she does its either the most depressing shit youve ever heard or like. music she remembers from her childhood like nsync and britney spears and shit

this means shes also not allowed the aux . too much midwest emo bums everyone else out

when it comes to CHRISTMAS MUSIC? she is like 10x as bad

she has a playlist of "reagan approved christmas music" that she made herself that is exclusively the least annoying christmas songs

except she also can only stand that playlist for like 20 minutes

overall she just fuckin hates christmas music. its all love and sunshine and family and friendship and shes essentially scrooge 

its pretty hard to find a christmas song that she can stand but there are a few! white winter hymnal and carol of the bells are her favorites if she had to choose a christmas song.

honestly i would apologize for how self indulgent this is but I dont want to because I'm proud of it <3 love her so much and PLEASE drop requests if you have any !!!!!!!!!!

[the-grove]

Weve been thinking a lot lately about what weve done with our life.

In a lot of ways weve failed to do a lot of things, even by like idk queer standards.

Otherr people our age or younger are getting aucessful jobs, married. Etc.

Weve struggles to keep up with transition milestones, like we came out 10 years. ago, and still our legal aname and gender hasnt changed. Weve had spotty issues with access to our hrt. So like even in queer standards i feel a sort of passing.

And then i guess I think of what i fo have and what I ahve done. Their our people in my life who are alive because I was there for them. Either emotionally or literally medically because i chose to be there for them when they were really sick and they feares no one would be there. I may have stalled with my transition but if i think about it there are more people than i can count on my fingers who ive helped start the process of transitioning.

Im a mess, and by a lot of standards im struggling. But i am happy with who we are and what weve accomplished. Maybe someone else could have done btter than me but they werent there. And maybe I could do better but staying stuck in how weve failed wont help me improve, it will only keep me in this pit of despair. Im not out of it, but im not gonna give up. And im gonna help who i can alomg the way.

[rainbowywitch]

Hi 🌟,

I hope you’re doing well. We’ve raised very little so far to support me and my family during these challenging times due to the conflict in Gaza. We’re still working to reach our goal and would greatly appreciate your help. 🙏

If you can’t donate, could you please share or reblog my pinned post? Your support in spreading the word would mean a lot to us. 💪

Pinned post: https://www.tumblr.com/ahmedharara/757031731268386816/weve-been-able-to-raise-only-120-so-far?source=share

Donation link: https://gofund.me/f751a38a

Thank you so much for your kindness and support! ❤️

My name is Mohammed Alwadiya. I'm from Gaza. I’m a math teacher, I have a doctorate degree in business management, my wife and I have struggled to obtain these prestigious certifications. We have lived a wonderful life, God blessed us with our first and only child, Eleen, after several years of trying via IVF, and finally it was crowned with success. Together we made our dreams come true for a bright future, but unfortunately the dreadful war destroyed everything we worked hard for. Our beautiful home, and car was destroyed and our educational center demolished. We are now homeless living in tents, running for our lives from one place to another, seeking peace, suffering from the lack of food, water, and medicine needed to treat our injuries especially after the outbreak of diseases and endemics caused by over crowding and water contamination. All of this doesn’t compare to the moment I had to identify the remains of my martyred sister and her two children. Luckily, her daughter survived with injuries, and she’s in our care now and I hope one day I will be able to give her a better life and help her overcome her trauma. In the midst of fear, chaos, destruction, I can’t even grief and mourn the loss of my loved ones during this constant state of fear for the lives of my wife, daughter, sick elderly parents, and the last surviving injured child of my late sister. how the funds will be, when boarders open travel agency will have 5000$ for each adult and 2500$ for each kid, we are 4 adults( my wife and I and my parents, 3 kids ( my daughter, my late sister's daughter, and my little brother that equals 25000$ without living expenses as we lost our home and our money, this is the amount of money we need to escape death in Gaza.

I’m writing this as a last resort to help my family and end our suffering, I need your help to wake up from this nightmare.

[gayhenrycreel]

im so late to this, so ill put a bunch in one post.

1/2/3 principal host, protector, and persecutor

the host is Henry. ive been host since mid 2022, ever since i split. im also a trauma holder and introject.

the primary protector is Sigurd, who used to be a persecutor.

i dont really have persecutors anymore, but it used to be Jareth.

6 problematic alter

not really a thing i believe in, but some of our sources have done fucked up stuff. my source breaks peoples bones and sometimes people act like this makes me, a real person, problematic. i once had someone go after me because they think im "glorifying a white supremacist", by which they mean a fictional character who they claimed is racist because hes pale, despite the whole "fuck oppression" scene. my source is canonically anemic.

9 first introject

Doc. hes not very active now, but is currently still complaining about a dream where he got stuck in a very poorly designed door frame. hes an introject of the 11th doctor, and hes been around since i was 13.

13 most basic appearance

Keith. imagine the most bogan looking bogan and thats him

14 a couple

me (Henry) and Sigurd have been together for a little over 2 years. Sigurd helped me recover from psychosis when i split, and weve been together ever since. in turn i helped him recover from being a persecutor. the only issues weve had in our relationship is me feeling inadequate, and Sigurd being mildly jealous of me because im autosexual, and i spend a lot of time staring at myself rather than him. sorry Sigurd.

15 a family

i have a whole in system family tree. Victor is my dad, and Eddie and Elliot are me and Sigurd's kids. me and Sigurd nickname each other Spoingus, so Victor is Grand Spoingus, and Eddie and Elliot are the Spoinglets. Sigurd has 2 brothers, Hvitserk and Ivar. Hvitserk has a weird name and none of us understand how thats an actual old norse name (means White Shirt apparently). amazingly people struggle more with Sigurd's name, often calling him Sigrid, Zigurd, or Surgid. we get along well, especially since Ivar got bored of speaking exclusively in south park quotes, just because people hate it.

17 alter that breaks stereotype

Victor. hes just a normal 1950s father.

-Henry

[800-dick-pics]

🛑HELP TWO BLACK AND LATINE DISABLED UNEMPLOYED LESBIANS AVOID HOMELESSNESS!🛑

THIS IS INCREDIBLY URGENT!

Some of you know, my partner and I have been trying to raise funds to move from a toxic unstable and unsafe environment for the past year+ and we've made a post before but unfortunately we had to postpone it due to needing to put our immediate survival first. Weve attempted to move once before, In December of 2020 my partner and I were stranded in my home state of California by someone who we thought was our friend, we were depending on them to help us move to safer housing but after we were too poor to afford the things we needed, they immediately accused us of lying and trying to harm them. They were violently anti black and ableist to me durring this whole time, they drove off with our belongings and only agreed to give them back if law enforcement were present, proceeded to lie and tell the police that I was armed (I CANT even legally own firearms) and they feared for their life. They were trying to get my black disabled neurodiverse self k!lled by the anti black ass state.

We've had a whole year of struggling to survive, we barely keep ourselves fed, we're unable to properly tend to our healths and Im constantly battling with recurring trauma due to being trapped here with my long time abuser. The time has come for us to leave from this truly unrelenting, unstable, unsafe and toxic ass environment because we are being forced to do so and have no other choice. I just want to leave so I can finally heal and properly tend to various needs instead of just barely scraping by and ignoring other needs which are often urgent.

Most of my urgent needs have to do with my health because for the past 2 years since the beginning of the pandemic I've had to quit my job due to being immunocompromised and at risk of death from Covid. I've had to Essentially abandon any healthcare i was receiving because of lack of funds and stability, Which has severely prevented me from caring for myself. Many times when I was by myself and throughout this time with my partner, I've had to prioritize other aspects of my survival while my health took a back seat. With regards to my chronic illness and disabilities, My Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia (POTS) have worsened; chronic pain, fatigue, shakes and seizures along with being prone to fainting and sudden weakness have left me practically bed and house bound due to the inability to get proper medical care due to lack of funds, medical racism and inaccessibility of transportation.

As such, i cannot keep putting this off and continue suffering with things as they are, this past October my symptoms and pain have gotten even worse, its gotten harder to complete daily tasks without requiring assistance from my partner all while going through my medicine much quicker than I used to just to be able to manage with my symptoms. I fear that if this continues I will end up hospitalized and it will be too late to properly treat my new neurological conditions. This why we need to move from here, holding off on this is not an option we need to act now while we still have a chance. Life here is not a life I can live with anymore. We both require safe and secure housing with room to live and thrive where our needs are being more than just met. We have an opportunity for better but we have to act quickly!

After months of searching, negotiating and battling with questions from an abuser who wants me gone, my partner and I have established an opportunity for housing in early February of 2022. While we are beyond excited and hopeful for the future, the fact that it took so long in the year for us to find housing has left us with a very short window to raise funds. After running calculations of moving and travel costs, we estimate that a target goal of $6500 is required in order to cover everything we need to move. Which is going to include a lot of shipping things.

My Partner and I understand that is a lot to ask for but we are unable to raise all the funds by ourselves due to being disabled and unable to work. Much of my partners new focus has been on caring for me through this time bc of my declining health. If you would like to help we need to reach this goal by the end of January. We WILL be forced to leave underfunded and under prepared which will result in us losing most of our posessions. We're going to have to leave so much behind if we do not meet this goal. My abuser has made it clear we are NOT welcome here past January. They are forcing us out and we have no other option. However, we have faith that our community will want to help us and see us thrive!

We have other posts circulating around Tumblr with regards to our immediate day 2 day needs, but we need this post to be widely circulated. If you've read through all of this (thank you!) And would like to help us boost and/or donate to our goal please leave the word "Osa" in the note when paying either of us via our cashapps and venmos so we know to put it in our savings for the move!

PLEASE HELP IN GETTING DISABLED AND CHRONICALLY ILL QTPOC TO SAFETY!!! YOU WILL BE SAVING OUR LIVES!!!!!

OUR PAY LINKS :

Cashapp: $sleepyhen OR $grumblybear

Venmo: @/wildwotko OR @/XochiRose

[valdotpng]

I feel like you are really good at looking in depth at characters. I’m super curious what you think of Ralsei? I have so many feelings about him, I feel like he is really struggling with his identity and who he is supposed to be. We get a hint of this during the boat ride where he asks “I wonder what being “Ralsei-like” even is?” And he turns away from the camera before apologizing. I do think he loves and cares for Susie and Kris a ton, also with the fact that he has been alone for a very long time so of course he doesn’t really know much about friendship yet. He thought that all you had to do was be nice but after seeing Susie he realizes there is more to it. I could talk about the boat scene all day I feel like it is the most in depth look at Ralsei we have seen!

oh i Love ralsei. even though theres been a trend to see him as a secret traitor lately, im a firm believer that, while a bit suspicious, he definitely isnt malicious. he clearly knows a lot about dark worlds and the world of deltarune as a whole (much more than any other dr character), but its also pretty clear that he lacks knowledge in other, more personal spheres. and who could blame him! like you said, poor dude has been alone literally his whole life. alone with one prophesy, one 'purpose' that he must fulfill-- that oughta mess with your perception of yourself (as well as your general worldview) a lot. unlike any other darkners weve encountered so far, it seems like hes fully embraced this..frankly upsetting role of a polite servant to the lightners. (the poor boy is a bit too passive and obedient for his own good, as evidenced by how quickly hes made into a literal servant in queens mansion) i think the root of his identity crisis lies in him being so preoccupied with becoming who hes 'supposed' to be that he forgot to ever learn who he is, if that makes sense.

it also seems like he strived to be the Perfect Friend without really knowing how friendships, or, hell, people work. like, nobody can actually be perfect, but thats part of what makes people unique and lovable in their own way. ch1 ralsei had such an idealistic and clear-cut view of friendship, heroism and other such things, and im glad that becoming kris' and susies friend has made him question all of that. its already been pointed out, but the way he goes from 'susie isnt acting like a Real Hero' to 'but isnt it wonderful that shes Her?' is fantastic. it means hes learning, growing, and perhaps coming ever so closer to discovering what being 'ralsei-like' is for himself.

id say more, but honestly id just be repeating what you already said (again). the boat ride IS a great scene bc it gives us insight into ralseis Personal struggles, and i feel like we dont see nearly enough of that

[oplishin]

Person of Color throws in their 2 cents in patho 2’s endings

This mostly looks at the endings from a thematic level and not the physical plot consequences they have.

I’m a first generation immigrant living in a predominately white culture. My take on the endings honestly changes based on how terrible I’m feeling about race atm. Currently, my mood is lying down on the floor and thinking about the hopelessness of reconciling trying to understand how you fit into overlapping, fractured racial identities. Right now, the hopelessness of the endings feels appropriate.

We’ve been discussing race a lot lately in class, and a lot of it relates to Artemys struggles. First generation immigrants and people of mixed race don’t fit cleanly into any category- weve separated ourselves from where our parents/ancestors initially came from, but we aren’t white either. There isn’t an easy solution to trying to understand how we fit into the world.

The solution a lot of us came too when we were too young to understand what the choice meant was total rejection of our native cultures. We fit into white society, but we didn’t understand the cost of that until much later. Throwing away your background means that the struggle to understand yourself becomes so much harder. And I really feel that with the Diurnal ending. It’s a desperate choice that feels right at the time, but it has devastating consequences. No matter how much it sucks, race determines the way we interact with different parts of the world and the way different parts of the world interact with us, so it shapes our identity. By throwing his culture away, Artemy is losing an integral part of who he is.

With the nocturnal ending, I... personally felt even more loss there. Even beyond the fact that so many characters are dead now. Artemy has grown up in white society for a lot of his life and it’s not something you can just separate from yourself by throwing yourself into your native culture. Getting a bit more personal here- if going to China and not having to deal with racial dynamics was an option I had I would be on a plane right now. But Chinese culture is really different from Chinese American culture. I don’t fit in there any better either because people don’t see me as Chinese. And I feel like that’s an important factor in the nocturnal ending. Growing up in white society makes you fundamentally different from people of the same race who grew up in your native culture. Artemys experiences are most likely radically different from many Kin people. Add the fact that Artemy is a white passing person of mixed race who’s ALREADY perceived as an outsider a lot do the times and hhhhh pain.

Being “a uniting bridge between peoples” is an impossibly hard task for ANYONE to undertake, and in my current mood, I’m kinda glad the endings feel like that.

So that’s kind of a summary of my positive, relatable feelings about p2s endings.

When I’m feeling better about things, I look at them and just see a lot of cold, useless cynicism. I guess that’s a common criticism of depressing pain games lmao. I think part of the appeal of patho 2 specifically is that there feels like all the pain youre going through is FOR something: your family, your friends, your people, your town. And the fact that the endings say that “nope! There isn’t a better future! It’s just more suffering from the same racial dynamics until the end of time!” feels like a slap in the face. I do think it would be unfair to ask a video game to offer a perfect solution to a racial struggle that’s been around for decades, but. This ain’t it chief.

I guess my ideal ending would just. Throw out the binary choice completely somehow. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I don’t have time to get into it fully atm because there’s. A lot. The biggest point is that Artemy has to make the active choice to try and understand his own racial identity, and there have to be people around him who can support him as he does that. It’s not a perfect ending, but like I’ve said 4000 times, there isn’t one. There is no perfect racial identity box will work for anyone. But... it’s important to try, at least.

I feel like a lot of PoC will disagree with me, which is totally valid. These are just some of my personal feelings.

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

I am wishing for the best! I hope everything goes well when y'all tell her.

And of course! Good vibes are always nice. Thank you guys for the positive energy! Sending some more good vibes to you guys! ✨ I hope Chocolat is doing well too!

I wish people would be kinder too. Fake claiming and invalidating helps nobody. I believe you guys aren't faking! Each system is different, and each system is valid! You guys are valid!

It sucks when people don't take you seriously too. Nobody knows what's going on in someone else's head, so it doesn't make sense how people just brush it off when people are struggling.

And ooh! Those sound cool! Cat ears and bunny ears.. I can see how they help!

Emotion wheels are useful, but they're hard to find. I tried finding a wheel with a lot on it, but I didn't find much. I found a few good ones though! Emotions are hard to understand, but I agree. The wheels are good for identifying feelings.

I hope they're feeling better now! But if not, then here's some more good vibes and support! ✨✨ Some days are very hard. I hope you guys were able to distract yourselves and watch some good anime!

I'm glad it helped them! Honestly I get that too. Hospitalization doesn't always help and being hospitalized is a scary thought. We shouldn't have to be afraid of being hospitalized for speaking our minds.

Aww! I'm glad I can help at least a little! I agree too. Positive interaction goes a long way especially when you're used to not being treated nice.

Thank you guys for the star! And of course! How are you guys feeling now?

-🌺

hii 🌺 anon!

we haven't got a chance to talk to her about the mania but she was in our med meeting today and got us to say we've fused. we worried she didnt believe so 😔 and we freaked out but she said she did and fusing is positive.. and that she beleives us.. rip us

thank you for the energy! right now its me and Andy rn, Tobias as cocon ealier. we might need to switch soon cause im a bit overwhelmed.. haha sending you positive energy aswell.. :>

thank you sm.. youre very kind. we appreciate you support. we deal enough with thinking were faking people saying we're faking doesnt help..

yes! we agree. we should believe in people.. it hurts when people don't believe you or act like they do. also our brain makes it auto that people dont believe us so we ask about it over and over.. it sucks..

yes! we love our ears. we deal with phantom body parts aswell. wings and ears and such

i know some emotion wheels! hope these can help. we well look for more if needed

we did end up distracting ourselves Andy was out most of the day and didnt talk to much people. but hopefully were gonna be back to being active. so sorry for the late reply. we worried at least 1 friends so oops haha.. i was in headspace for a while.. mania episode ended. probs depression is gonna hit but cause 🤪 yeah..

it is scary.. we get that. we have a lot of hospital trauma... we're scared to get hospitalized again.. weve been hospitalized 10+ times and all of them were traumatic and we have mutiple alters that hold hospital trauma.. im glad i dont remember much tbh the flashbacks i do get are horrorific

you do help. getting nice asks and positive interaction is always nice. thank youn sm 🌺 anon. youre so kind. 😭😭

a lots been going on but i feel pretty neutral/okay?? Andy feels okay aswell. I'm not sure how long this feeling will last and we're scared its gonna cause a big depression.. wdk how it will affect the system Magenta isnt manic anymore either. how are you doing?

- Shane and Andy

[yeoldontknow]

catch up tag 🌸

tagged by beautiful angels @chillingtae and @yoonia to do this catch up tag. thank you so much loves! i hope you guys are having a happy friday <3 <3

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

kat is fine! i introduce myself to people as kat. if youre using my full name youre either upset with me or a member of my family lmao

2. when is your birthday?

jan 23

3. where do you live?

nyc

4. three things you are doing right now?

working (waiting for one of my systems to load which has been bogged down and super slow lately), listening to my spotify release radar (which is....not great today im disappointed), mentally drafting lines and description for the next hero chapter as im in the mood to write today but im absolutely not in a romantic place lmao

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

uhhh ill list fandoms ive written fanfic for! kpop (obviously), merlin, muse, and supernatural (but like really specifically supernatural seasons 2-5)

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

i mean....50/50. my company is amazing and i know im super privileged. ive been working from home since the end of february and corporate have been extremely generous (giving us additional time off, mental health days, extending summer fridays until end of 2021, compensating for home office needs, restructuring work from home policies to accommodate parents). i got a bonus in june in place of my raise due to financial tensions but was confirmed for another promotion next year - even was offered a new job, literally straight offered didnt even need to interview, to create my own team in a different department. i have a roof over my head and food on my table. my family is healthy, my parents are retired and safe. like...im so so so grateful.

mentally and emotionally and creatively...i am struggling. a lot of my inspiration for fics comes from being out in the city and observing people and their interactions. even architecture inspires me. the act of moving through a city inspires nearly all of my fics (like..i think everyone can sense that lmao asas is in london, light sakura is tokyo, all quiet is movement through spaces, hero was inspired by a building in harlem). not having that kind of motion and observation has made writing really hard. and also just...the news and the onslaught of hyper-reality. its been utterly daunting and ive found myself completely burned out more this year than ever before. usually my burnout hits during new years or the holidays. ive spent part of summer and part of autumn and literally all of november just...vacant.

so yeah. 50/50

7. a song you can’t stop listening to?

Flexibility of Mind - GRoost

8. recommend a movie?

Summer Wars (2009, hosoda mamoru)

9. how old are you?

31

10. school, university, occupation, other?

currently employed at a major company in the arts & entertainment industry

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold!!!! its so easy to warm up and bundle. who doesnt love cozy socks and hoodies and slippers <3 <3 its so hard for me to cool down in the summer and i hate sweating lmao

12. name one fact others may not know about you?

uhhh i worked in music supervision while getting my masters and the two degrees i have do not necessarily relate to the work i do now lmao

13. are you shy?

i can be. im definitely introverted and find other people to be way, way more interesting than i am. i enjoy listening to people talk about their passions and what interests them, and this also means that i dont say much or say anything at all about myself, really. im not usually the first person to engage in a group or even to introduce myself first to someone unless i get the sense there is someone uncomfortable (with the energy, the topic, the setting, etc) and then i will put myself in a position of leadership to make them feel safe

14. preferred pronouns?

she/her !

15. biggest pet peeves?

people who react rather than respond to criticism or confrontation; people who instigate drama; really loud groups of people on public transportation

16. what is your favorite ‘dere’ type?

i dont believe i have one

17. how would you rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be?

ill say like...8

18. what is your main blog?

this one - yeoldontknow

@yeoldontknowiread is for ficrecs

20. is there something people need to know about you before they become friends?

i can be pathologically secretive in that i dont really talk about myself or what my day has been like or what im up to unless something happens that is exciting or interesting. being an introvert also means that my regard for our friendship will define it as something sacred and i will likely be more devoted (though quietly so) than you might be if youre an extrovert. im really passionate about things and if i sense that you are not as passionate about those same things i will likely not bring them up again unless i feel like you want to hear about it. it might take me a while to respond to texts or messages, but it doesnt mean i love you less. there could be long periods of inactivity in our friendship but if someone else asks me about you i will say i love you and you are special to me and will call you a close friend even if its been years since weve last talked

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @jamaisjoons @j-pping @yeolville @loeybeans @ditzymax @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo @iris-somnia @inkedtae @yeojaa @hobi-gif @sahmfanficbts @snackhobi @delhyun @yutacrush @nunchiwrites @blackberrykai @kimtaehyunq @jiminiethot and anyone else who wants to do this. i know i tagged a lot of people but really i just want to check in on you and see how youre all doing. as always please only do so if you wish <3

[rinofwater]

Is it normal to develop a complex when you don't see your crush for a day