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really-fanny-longbottom · 6 months ago

Text

never yours

summary: azriel never regretted his decisions so much like he does right now.

warnings: angst (like a lot), fluff (also a lot because we need a balance)

pairings: azriel x reader, azriel x elain, lucien x reader

words: 6.1k

you were born in day court during the longest and the warmest day of the year — summer solstice.

even though it's not a custom to exchange gifts on that holiday, your parents always told you that you were their greatest gift and that the sun shined brighter that day like he knew that you would be entering this world very soon.

your father was helion's best and longest friend, and he had a place in his court as his second in command and advisor.

your mother was the lead healer of the court. she was one of the most powerful and talented healers of prythian, being a very close second to madja.

due to your parents' jobs, you grew up in the day court palace and close to helion, who didn't just happen to be your high lord but also your godfather.

your parents reconsider that maybe making helion your godfather had been a mistake because of how much he spoiled you.

on your 4th birthday, he gave you a black baby pegasus as a present, which you decided to name him blackjack.

when he discovered that you liked reading, he had a private library built in your room with all kinds of books.

when you were seven and heard an old male saying that females should only wear dresses, you only wore pants for the next three months and of course, helion made sure you had every type of pants at your disposal.

when your parents tried to scold him, he just scoffed with his only response being, 'she's my goddaughter. what else am I supposed to do?' with a big grin plastered in his face.

you weren't helion's child, but he always treated you like one, and that never changed, especially after your parents' death.

your favorite thing about your parents was their mating bond. after you learned that mates are rare and a blessing, it made every single thing about your parents' love even more unique and pure.

you saw first hand what true love is really like. you saw how much they loved, cared, supported, and protected each other.

you saw loyalty and honesty in their deepest forms. seeing your parents' mating bond made you wish to the stars for a mate, and that one day, you would be blessed enough to find him.

but you also saw how deep a mating bond could go — you saw it first hand, too.

you saw it when your mother died after getting infected by a rare disease while trying to help her patients.

her death destroyed your father. the pain and the grief of losing your mother — his mate, and the love of his life were so big that your father followed her into the next life a few days later, so they could start their next journey together.

before he died, your father made helion promise him that he would take care of you, which he agreed without hesitation.

he became more protective of you. he couldn't stop thinking how unfair it was for you to lose your parents at such a young age, only eleven years old, when helion had them for centuries.

your godfather made sure to provide you with anything you needed from the best education to the best clothes, and when your healing powers start manifesting and you decide to follow your mother's steps, helion called in a favor to thesan to see if he could teach you himself.

the high lord of dawn was happy to accept, and so were you at the thought of having him as your teacher.

you moved to dawn court for a year where you learned everything about being a healer, not only with the high lord himself but also with his best healers.

you became one of the best — talented, powerful, gifted, and wise. just like your mother.

madja was looking for an apprentice at the time you returned to day, and when she heard about your skills, she asked for you.

rhysand reached out to helion with madja's offer — you would be her apprentice, work in the clinic with her but you would also assist her if she ever needed to go to a patient's residence, and would learn everything she could teach you.

it wasn't needed to convince you to agree. you had heard about madja and her healing, after thesan, she was the healer you wanted to work with the most, so of course you were more than happy to have a chance to have her as your mentor.

rhysand added that you would be welcome to stay in one of his personal residences, the house of wind, during your stay in velaris.

you were only supposed to stay in the night court for a year, but that was before you met the shadowsinger.

however, despite wanting the apprenticeship more than anything, if you had known what would happen when you agreed to go to the night court, you would never have accepted the offer.

•••

azriel couldn't sleep.

no matter how much he tried, he couldn't. not with tomorrow so close, not when he knew what was waiting for him in the morning.

the past was haunting him tonight, his thoughts hadn't stopped since he had been informed earlier of tomorrow's meeting.

so now, here he was, trying to keep his eyes open even though his body was protesting for him to do the opposite.

but he was fighting that need because every time he closed his eyes, you were all he saw.

your beautiful face with your sparkling eyes, your smooth hair, your pointy ears, your sweet voice, and your soft laughter.

you were haunting his thoughts like a punishment for all those years ago.

so all he could do now was to sit on the edge of his balcony with his legs hanging off while waiting for the sun to be born, and remember how things used to be before he destroyed everything.

•••

everything was perfect in the beginning.

velaris was beautiful, the people were kind, and the pastries were absolutely delicious.

the only thing you actually missed, besides helion, was the warmth of the sun like no other court had but the day court — that was just the day citizen in you talking.

your apprenticeship was going amazing. you and madja had instantly connected, and you were learning so much.

two weeks later, you were already attending your own patients without supervision.

you really had a gift, and every time madja complimented your powers, you gave all the credits to your genes — to your mom.

it warmed your heart knowing that the mother had blessed you with this part of her. In this way, it felt like she was always with you.

the house of wind felt just like home, and you adjusted perfectly.

the inner circle had welcomed you with open arms, and you got along with everyone. they thought you and mor would be the closest of all, but they got a big surprise when it turned out to be you and azriel.

the shadowsinger was different from everyone you ever met.

everyone in day was so loud, extroverted and open.

but not him.

he was calm, reserved, and difficult to read, but with time, you ended up finding out that the two of you were more alike than you thought. you were able to go through the shell that azriel had so perfectly built around him over the centuries.

a friendship was born.

every day, qzriel would fly you to the clinic and then back to the house. you explored velaris together and made your personal mission to try every single restaurant and bakery from the city of starlight.

you walked along the sidra and even stopped once in a while to dance along the melodies that the musicians were playing. you would read together whether that was in the library, in your room, or in his. you even started training with him and sometimes, cassian.

you became each other's person.

when a day at the clinic was hard or you would lose a patient, he was there to hug and comfort you, and you found yourself doing the same for him about his missions.

so you decided to take the next step and spoke about your parents' death, how much still affected you losing them.

and in that moment, azriel realized how much trust you put in him, so he decided to return it and opened about his past, his family, and his hands. you listened to every word, cleaned every tear, and held him for as long as he needed.

tou found yourself falling in love with him a little more day by day, and it only took you a few months to realize that you were completely in love.

the day the bond snapped was one of the happiest days of your life.

it happened during the most beautiful celebration in the night court — starfall.

your hair was tied in a long braid that reached down to your waist, decorating the braid were small yellow daylilies.

you were wearing a golden dress that fit perfectly against your sun-kissed skin. the dress had a slit on the left side that went up to the top of your thigh, a single strap held the dress on your right shoulder and when you turned around, whoever was behind you could have a perfect view of your naked back.

golden jewels rested on your ears and neck.

you looked like a goddess — one blessed by the sun itself.

you were shining just like a day court citizen should.

azriel standed next to you in the balcony while gazing at the spirits passing.

both of your hands rested on the stone of the balcony, and when you went to adjust your hand, it brushed against azriel's.

at the new feeling, you looked up to find his eyes, only to see the shadowsinger already looking at you.

in that moment, with the touching of your hands and the meeting of your eyes, the world stopped.

your hands start interviewing, and everything else just disappeared.

it was just the two of you and the sound of your heartbeats. and then, a golden thread appeared and started tying your hearts and souls.

azriel held your free hand and pressed it against his own chest, right where his heart laid.

you followed his action, freeing your intertwined hands and putting his hand on your chest, above your heart.

with the final loop of the golden thread around your hearts, azriel bent down and kissed you.

that moment couldn't be more beautiful and magical even if you tried.

you had finally found the mate that you had wished to the stars all those years ago.

everything was perfect.

you had everything you wanted and more.

you lived in a beautiful city that you learned to love and were starting to call it home.

you had the job of your life, working alongside one of your idols.

amazing friends that made you feel welcomed and part of a little family.

and finally, your mate, the male you were in love with, long before that beautiful and sacred golden thread.

everything was perfect.

but of course, nothing lasts forever.

and all of that disappeared when elain archeron came into the picture.

•••

ten years.

he couldn't believe that much time had passed. all those years without you.

it had been ten years since the last time he saw you.

ten years since he had heard something regarding you.

ten years since he had broken your heart.

and ten years since he had made the biggest mistake of his entire existence.

you had moved back to day court after that day, after what happened and after what he did.

the high lord of day had forbidden azriel from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

and months later, when the rumors of a certain shadowsinger flying above the palace in hopes to get a glimpse of you reached his ears, helion banned him from his court.

helion had always been a very charismatic and loving person.

he's kind, generous, and a very good friend. He gets along with almost everyone, always joking around and laughing.

some people may say that he's the nicest and kindest high lord that prythian has ever seen.

when problems arise, he always tries to find a solution to solve them or if a solution is not possible, a way to improve them.

but not this time.

not when it comes to you and his son — Lucien.

because your heart wasn't the only one to be shattered that day.

no.

lucien's heart was a victim, too.

so, from that moment, everything that helion did was to protect you and lucien.

to make sure that you felt safe, that you had space and time to heal.

azriel's banishment wasn't the only consequence from the events of that day.

that day also cost the alliance between the day court and the night court, and when the alliance fell apart, so did helion and rhysand's friendship.

but azriel wasn't the only one to blame for all of this.

elain archeron was guilty, too.

she, too, was banished from the day court and forbidden to contact lucien in any way.

but unlike azriel, elain's actions cause far more consequences than his.

the autumn court followed the same decisions as the day court.

the banishment of azriel and elain and the prohibition of any kind of contact with lucien.

eris, now the new high lord of the autumn court after beron's death, didn't take lightly to what happened to his little brother.

the two of them had reconnected after eris became high lord.

they talked through everything that had happened in the last centuries, made peace with their past, and decided to move forward together.

now, the brothers were inseparable and had the kind of relationship they had always wanted since they were younger.

so when eris heard what had happened, he considered those actions as a personal attack.

he went as far as to offer lucien the opportunity to choose the blood duel, which his little brother refused, saying that all of this had already caused enough pain.

eris wasn't angry just because of lucien.

he was angry because of you, too.

you were the first person to give him the benefit of the doubt, the first one to not judge him and unlike the others you tried to get to know him, to be his friend and he let you.

6ou were the first one to know the real eris, to know what he hid behind the mask.

therefore, you had a special place in his heart. even if you didn't share the same blood, you were part of his family.

but that didn't stop with day and autumn. spring joined them, too.

despite everything that happened and the fact that they were still working on their friendship, tamlin's loyalty remained with lucien.

spring had been lucien's home for decades, and with that came a brotherhood between the two of them.

needless to mention that jurian and vassa's loyalties also remained with lucien.

to everyone outside the situation, all of this may seem overreacted and exaggerated.

but to everyone involved, it's not.

after all, you and lucien almost died.

that's what happens when a mating bond is rejected.

•••

azriel couldn't believe things had turned out this way.

he was so sure that the cauldron was wrong, that he belonged with Elain.

three sisters for three brothers.

how more poetic could it be?

there were signals everywhere.

feyre with rhysand.

nesta with cassian.

elain with him.

elain wouldn't go close to lucien or talk to him, but she would sit next to him whether during dinners or on the couch, she would talk to him, and requested his company when she went to the garden or to the city.

even his shadows disappeared every time he was with her.

weren't those signals clear enough?

they were meant to be.

the cauldron was wrong.

so azriel did what he thought was right.

he rejected the mating bond with you, and elain did the same with lucien.

he never thought that the rejection of the bond would've almost cost your life.

that memory still gave him nightmares to this day.

how pale you turned, how you sank to your knees with your hand pressed against your chest, tears running free down your cheeks and muffled screams leaving your lips.

how much pain you had suffered and how he had been the cause of it.

how once, not that long ago, he had been the reason for your smiles, laughs, and giggles.

but that memory wasn't his.

it was rhysand's.

rhys, who had to go through your mind shields, and knock you unconscious so the pain would stop and that memory led him to another memory.

the memory of that day and the things that had followed after he shattered your heart.

•••

azriel wasn't there the moment it happened.

no, he was too busy kissing elain after admitting how much they craved each other.

and while he kissed elain, he felt that golden thread tying the two of you breaking and start slowly to disappear.

nothing could have prepared him for that last memory of you when he and elain were summoned to the river house a few hours later.

rhys had shown him not as a courtesy but as a lesson of how much his actions can affect others.

but you weren't just some other.

you were his mate — former mate.

azriel made a move to go find you.

he needed to explain it to you, and he needed you to understand, but you were already gone.

rhys told him that after you regained consciousness, lucien took you with him back to day court.

lucien.

who you had become instantly friends with since the male's arrival in velaris.

you had treated him just like you were when you moved to the night court.

you showed him the city, the good restaurants and the best pastries, and also told him about Helion, now that he knew the high lord was his father and he was his heir.

you wanted him to feel like home, just like you did.

when Azriel made his intentions clear to go to day and find you, rhys showed him the letter helion had sent.

the one that forbidden him from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

the one that also had the same indications to elain regarding lucien.

and that if any of them tried to disobey his orders, there would be consequences.

azriel knew of protective the male was of you and that he would do anything to protect his family, so for a split second, azriel found himself fearing the high lord.

rhysand also ordered them to stay away from the two of you, stating that they had already created enough problems and the night court could not afford a war with day.

after they left his office, rhys sat down on his chair, trying to think how he was gonna solve this.

his mind kept going back to you and lucien.

he was there when lucien came for you.

the red headed male was also pale and every few minutes, his hand would press to his chest in pain, his eyes were still red, probably from the tears he had shed.

rhys knew that Helion's letter wouldn't be the only one he would receive that day.

and like he was right, three more letters arrived during it.

first from autumn, then spring and the last one from the band of exiles.

rhys passed a hand through his black hair and released a long sigh.

azriel and elain actions had just cost four allies to the night court.

•••

when you and lucien arrived in day, helion almost fell to his knees at your sight.

you were in lucien's arms, your eyes half open with tears still following down your cheeks.

one of your hands was against your chest, rubbing small circles in a way of trying to get rid of the pain.

lucien wasn't much better.

helion headed towards you and started examining you for injuries, but he found nothing.

when confusion made his way to his features, Lucien told him everything.

the confusion was replaced by anger, but the anger wasn't just directed towards the shadowsinger and the middle archeron sister.

some of it was towards himself.

towards himself, because seeing you like that, helion felt that he had broken the promise he made to your dad and that this was his fault.

without giving time for any more thoughts to fill his mind, helion led lucien to your room, where the heir laid you on the bed.

you had fallen asleep in his arms with your cheeks still stained.

lucien sat on the chair by your desk that was placed in front of your bed and said to Helion that he would stay with you.

helion gave him a firm nod, remembering that lucien didn't have a room yet in his palace, but he was about to fix that.

helion didn't waste any time after making sure that the two of you were okay for now.

he called two of his servants to prepare a room for the young heir and went straight to his office where he wrote the letter and sent it to rhysand.

the next week's were a complicated ones but showed that time was the best healer.

you no longer spend the days locked in your room alone.

you started to eat properly again and went back to work.

day by day, you were smiling more, sometimes making jokes.

lucien improved as well.

he decided to live in the day court for the time being and took his place as helion's second in command.

his relationship with helion was also getting stronger over time.

they were making up for the lost time.

but that wasn't the only thing that changed. your relationship with lucien also changed.

you got closer than ever, due to the fact you were the only ones who knew what the other was going through.

you found comfort in each other's presence and started spending more time together to the point where you became each other's favorite person.

little by little, you start helping each other heal.

you started putting back together the pieces that had been broken, and the pain started slowly fading until the day that it didn't hurt anymore.

you two mended your hearts and souls, and for the first time, in a long time, you were full again.

your friendship grew, and so did your feelings for each other.

•••

azriel couldn't believe how wrong he had been.

because the cauldron wasn't wrong, it had never been wrong.

he was the one who was wrong — right from the beginning.

he and elain had tried a relationship after yours and lucien's departure.

it worked for six months until it didn't.

azriel questioned himself why the relationship was starting to fail and why being with elain was starting to feel wrong.

it didn't take him too long to understand the reason. It was because she wasn't you.

he found out that the reason his shadows disappear every time he was with elain wasn't because they were destined but because they were with you.

his shadows would leave him and elain to go find you, like they were stating that they wouldn't betray you, that they chose you.

on the day he broke up with elain, he found his shadows in your old room, which once was filled with colors, books, paintings, and light, and now was empty, dusty, and dark.

the shadows were swimming around your starfall dress — the one you wore on the day your bond had snapped.

the sight of the dress was painful, and he understood why it had been left behind.

azriel had tried to apologize.

he flew to day court and around the palace trying to find you but he never did and the next day helion sent a letter with his and elain's banishment, making autumn and spring to make the same decision.

he understood why.

they were trying to protect you and lucien, and even though he didn't have the right, he just wanted to know if you were okay.

he asked rhys several times if he knew something about you, and thys revealed to him that you weren't talking to him or the other members of the inner circle either.

you had stated that it was too early and still very painful.

so they respected your decision and kept their distance.

that had caused azriel's guilt to grow even more.

how he wished for nesta to still have her powers so he could go back in time and repair all of this.

the light of the sun broke his thoughts.

the sun was finally making its appearance in the orange and yellow sky.

azriel released a long breath and looked at the clock perched on his bedroom wall.

the morning was here, and he was only two hours away from seeing you.

•••

the inner circle stood at the entrance of the day court palace.

helion had lifted the banishment for this meeting with yours and lucien consent.

both of you said that it had been a long time and that the past should stay in the past, but that didn't mean you would be accepting any apologies today.

koschei was on the rise again, and prythian needed to come together once more.

right now, your past didn't matter.

the doors swung open, and the inner circle made their way inside.

a servant led them to the conference room located in the same hallway as helion's office on the first floor of the palace.

they sat at the marble table while the servant informed them, "the high lord will be here in a few minutes."

receiving a nod and a 'thank you' from rhysand, the servant left.

rhys started, "y/n and lucien will also be in this meeting. now, helion was nice enough to allow the two of you back here, so do not ruin this."

he finished while looking at azriel and elain, making them both nod their heads.

helion entered the room, and the inner circle raised from their seats.

the high lord of the day court made his way to the head of the table.

he turned to the side where rhys and his inner circle stood, offering his hand to rhys to shake it.

taken by surprise, rhys needed a few seconds to process what was happening before accepting his hand.

once they had shaken hands, everyone returned to their seats, but not before helion sent a disapproving look in azriel's and elain's direction.

a few minutes into the meeting, the door to the conference room opened again.

and there you were.

you were dressed in day attire. a beautiful white dress that hugged your body, with your hair loosen and golden jewelry adorned your neck and ears.

lucien was by your side also wearing day attire, one that matched helion's, with your hand in his.

the inner circle held their breaths at your sight.

it had been ten years, but all the memories came flashing back to them.

you looked the same, but when you two approached the table, that's when they saw it and shock spread all over their faces.

azriel couldn't believe what he was seeing.

he didn't know what he was expecting to see at this meeting, but it wasn't this.

it wasn't the golden ring that you and lucien had matching on your left hands informing him that you were married that shocked him.

it was the small and round belly that your free hand was resting on and the sweet vanilla scent that was filling the air — the scent of yours and lucien's baby.

"apologies for our delay," lucien started, then looking in your direction with a smile continued "someone had a big appetite this morning," he ended with a laugh.

you looked at his gaze, a genuine smile on your lips "shut up," you whispered.

lucien grabs the back of your chair, pulling it to give you enough space to sit. "thank you, my love."

you said while watching him take the seat at your right, making you stay seated between him and Helion.

for the first time since you entered the room, you looked at the people in front of you. "night court," you greeted with a small smile.

feyre was the first to say, "congratulations, y/n and lucien."

lucien spoke this time. "thank you, feyre." he rested his hand on your belly.

"how far long are you?" rhysand's voice reached your ears.

looking in his direction, you answered, "23 weeks. lucien thinks it's a girl, but i think it's a boy," you added, making rhys smile.

"i always took you for a boy mom." amren's voice surprised you and couldn't help but smile at her words.

"congratulations to you two. the mother knows you deserve it." she finished with a genuine smile.

lucien looked at azriel and elain before directing his eyes to the ancient one "yes, we do. thank you, amren."

lucien paused for a second before turning in helion's direction and continuing. “let's not keep holding on to the meeting. please go on, father."

helion proceeded with the meeting, but azriel didn't listen to a word that was said.

he couldn't tear his eyes from you and lucien.

there was no doubt of the love you two shared, not when it was written in both of your eyes.

he didn't miss Lucien caresing your belly and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, passing his thumb over your jaw, and kissing your cheek after.

or how you rested your right hand on top of his on your belly while your left passed through his long red hair before resting around his shoulders and your smile while doing it.

what bigger proof did he need of your love if not for the baby you were carrying?

lucien's baby, he kept telling himself.

not his.

lucien's.

jealousy invaded his body, but there was nothing he could do.

he made his decision ten years ago, and now he had to live with it.

lost in his thoughts, he only realized the meeting was over when everyone started standing.

rhys and helion were finishing talking, and when the doors opened one more time, eris vanserra walked in with a little ginger boy in his arms.

he couldn't be more than five years old.

he looked exactly like lucien, except for his eyes — those were yours.

azriel's heart sank, and it sank even more a few seconds later, when the little boy spotted you and lucien.

you already had a baby and you were about to have your second.

with a big smile appearing on his sweet face, the little boy almost shouted, "mommy! daddy!"

the boy jumped from his uncle's arms and ran to you.

you bend down and gather the happy boy in your arms before standing again and passing a hand through his ginger curls and saying, "hi, baby."

you peppered his face with kisses, making him laugh even more. "i thought you were having fun with your uncle," you said, looking at your brother in law.

your son pouted “uncle eris doesn't know how to play. he only wants to do the boring stuff, mommy.”

everyone in the room chuckled. eris gasped with fake hurt “excuse me?”

“elijah.” lucien chuckled and said to your son after joining your side “don't be rude to your uncle.”

“but it’s the truth, daddy.” elijah hid his face on your neck.

eris approached the little family with a smile directed to his nephew. "sorry. i tried to keep him entertained, but he just kept asking about you two."

lucien noticed his older brother had paint and glitter on his white shirt and laughed at the thought of his son giving him a hard time before exclaiming, "it's alright, brother. we were about to leave anyway."

the little boy settled in your arms and rested his head against yours, lucien started rubbing his back.

when the little boy caught the sight of his grandfather, he asked before anyone could stop him "grandpa, how was the meeting with the idiots from the night court?"

the room went quiet, and a few gasps escaped.

at your son's words, you turned to look at Helion, now on mom's mood. "helion! how many times do we have to tell you not to speak like that in front of him?"

the room erupted in laughter at your statement.

the air became lighter, and helion put his hands in surrender, promising you that it wouldn't happen again.

you gave him an incredulous look, saying that you didn't believe him.

your son wrapped his tiny arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder with a yawn leaving his lips.

you rubbed your son's back while speaking to him. "C'mon, elijah. let's leave before your grandfather comes up with a new bad word for you to learn."

“bad grandpa” your son agreed with you while earning new chuckles from the night court.

even though he was trying to hold his smile, azriel failed. your son was too adorable.

you turned your gaze to the inner circle and gave them a smile. "it was good to see you all."

"you too, y/n. i missed you." cassian replied.

your smile stretched before telling him, "i missed you too, cass."

the nickname made his heart ache — maybe there's still a chance for you to reconnect.

you turned to look behind you, meeting your husband's eyes "you're coming, lu?"

a pink blush made its way to lucien's cheeks "of course, my love."

the heir looked at his father, "we'll see you at dinner, father. night court." he said, giving the inner circle a small nod before joining you and wrapping his arm around your waist and giving a kiss to your now sleeping son.

amren spoke again “see i told you were a boy mom.”

“you're right. if this baby happens to be a boy as well, i'm gonna be in trouble.” you replied with an arm holding your son and while the other made its way to your belly.

“no, you're not. you're gonna be great.” nesta spoke, a genuine smile on her lips “we already can see you are.” she gestured to the little boy sleeping in your arms.

“thank you, nes.” you were grateful for her words.

on your way out, you met azriel's eyes, but you couldn't find the words, so you simply gave him a nod with a small smile, and azriel returned the gesture.

when the door closed, amren was the first to break the silence "well, the mother has a sense of humor."

everyone turned to look at her, but she focused her gaze on azriel and elain.

"you rejected them because you believed you belonged with one another only for your relationship to fail six months later. and now," she released a laugh, "your former mates found their way towards each other. fell in love, got married, have a son, and have another baby on the way. ironic isn't it?" she said with the feline smile returning to her lips.

it was helion who spoke next, amusement all over his face, "indeed. i guess karma is a bitch."

he sent a disapproving look one more time in the direction of the two people who almost cost him his family before exiting the room.

amren's and Helion's words stung, but azriel knew it was nothing but the truth. He realized in that moment that despite your life now and how things turned out, you would never forgive him.

he had lost you forever, and now he had to live with regret for the rest of his life.

after all, you were no longer his.

a/n: thank you for reading! i'm thinking in making a general taglist so if you wish to be added let me know.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

2K notes · View notes

hellodropbear · 2 months ago

Text

chosen.

mapi leon x ingrid engen x daughter

isabel is finally adopted

new chapter!!!

as always, hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think (good or bad lol) and anything else you want to see :)

~~~~~~

It was something Isabel had been nagging Mapi about for months. Maybe even longer.

Isabel wasn't stupid anymore, she knew that Mapi had not planned to be her mother. There were other people, and half of her was made of who was supposed to be her father, the man that Mapi spoke so highly of despite getting choked up every time he was brought up in conversation.

She knew they had died right before she was born and she knew that Mapi was left with a baby that she hadn't actually asked for.

Isabel knew Mapi stopped playing football until she was older, taking a long chunk out of what would have likely been the peak of her career.

She knew Ingrid came along later, which is why she had grown up calling her Ingrid.

She didn't call her Mami, she didn't call her Mama. She called her Ingrid which just seemed so wrong.

Because Ingrid was her mother, as much as Mapi.

Mapi had given birth to her, she was a single mother for the first two years probably, until her relationship with Ingrid started getting more serious and both Isabel and Mapi became more and more reliant on the brunette Norwegian that they had fallen in love with so quickly.

Isabel looked like Mapi, and she carried a few of her personality traits around with her. Outgoing, funny, chatty.

But Ingrid also raised her, which meant she carried around the Norwegian's calmness, her kindness and her emotional nature.

She was practically a carbon copy of Mapi on the outside, but anyone who knew her on the inside would say she was the perfect blend of both women.

So how come she only called one of them Mami?

Why was it that if she was seriously injured, only Mapi would be called up?

And Isabel wasn't stupid, she knew that Ingrid wished she had been there from the beginning, that her name was written on all of the important documents. She knew that Ingrid wished she was called Mama.

Not Ingrid.

When she was younger, Isabel would call Ingrid Mama when she was tired or sad, if she wanted a hug or if she was just feeling emotional.

It would be in those tender moments and Ingrid's heart would melt every time. It was always in the apartment, hidden away from the rest of the world and just the three of them there together.

But it never really stuck, and Isabel continued to call her by her first name everywhere else. Her teachers would ask about Mami and they'd ask about Ingrid, her friends would get confused because who is Ingrid?

They all just had a Mami and a Papi.

Ingrid always thought that Mami and Mama would make more sense.

So when Mapi knocked on her bedroom door, an official looking document held securely in her hand, Isabel had a very large suspicion that she knew exactly what was in that plastic slip.

Mapi could tell she knew, the way her eyes lit up and she immediately placed her guitar to the side, sitting up as Mapi moved to sit beside her.

"Is it them?"

Mapi smiled, tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, it is."

"Mami!" Isabel practically jumped on her trying to hug her, tears springing from her eyes as well. "Thank you so much!"

Mapi just shrugged.

"She's your Mama and has been for your whole life, this just makes it official."

"We have to plan something so special! Mami, I can't wait to tell her!"

Mapi laughed softly, planting a kiss on Isabel's head and hugging her in close.

"We'll just have to make sure she says yes! She might not want to be officially related to a little rodent like you."

Isabel laughed, whacking her mother's side in mock offence and rolling her eyes.

They both knew that it wasn't true, that Ingrid loved Isabel more than anything else.

"She loves me more than you, Mami, you're just jealous."

Mapi laughed, silently agreeing.

She would never admit that though.

"You wish."

~~~~~~

Isabel spent every minute of the next two weeks planning what would be the perfect surprise for Ingrid, only requesting advice from Mapi a few times.

It was a photo album that she was creating, filled with just pictures of them as Isabel got older, Mapi only featuring at times that Isabel deemed it absolutely necessary.

Birthdays, christmases, family barbecues, trips to Norway. Summer holidays on the beach.

Skating competitions, Isabel stood there proudly with the gold medal hanging round her neck, a giddy smile on her face as Ingrid had picked her up despite her rapidly growing figure.

She had scrolled through all of Mapi's old photos, printing out the good ones and sticking them in the page with stickers and little notes until it was completely full.

She wrote a letter, enlisting Caro to help her perfect her Norwegian, making her swear to secrecy - the contents of the note were strictly confidential.

She came up with a plan, something she knew Ingrid would love. A walk to their park was nothing worth being suspicious of, not even when the 10 year old pulled out Bagheera’s carrier.

It was a family affair, she told Mapi. It would be mean to leave the cat out of it just because she didn’t usually go on their walks.

It was a nice walk and a nice picnic, planned out to the T by Isabel, down to what colour lined the paper plates and how the fruits on the fruit platter would be cut.

Everything she did was for Ingrid and if the Norwegian had asked her, she would have been able to explain every single decision in a way that related back to how much she loved Ingrid.

Perhaps, for that reason, it was best that the papers were forgotten at home, because Ingrid would have been inconsolable if she saw the papers, the photo album and then was explained every single little decision made by her little girl.

Isabel was disappointed, but Mapi reassured her that the Norwegian would not mind, that her reaction wouldn't change whether she was given those papers on the top of the eiffel tower or in a dump in the middle of the city.

So the 10 year old waited until they got home and finished eating dinner, only heading up to her room to collect the file once Mapi and Ingrid were sat on the sofa, waiting for their child to return and choose something to watch.

She couldn't help the nerves that filled up her stomach, the anxieties that began to attack her as soon as the file was in her shaking hand. She almost felt sick as she walked downstairs, spying the back of Ingrid's head, hearing their voices chatting and laughing.

It took one last push of confidence to walk and stand in front of them, the file held tightly in her hands as she anxiously rocked back and forth on her heels.

She took a deep breath, realising that everything she had planned to say was long forgotten, instead just brandishing the file towards Ingrid, who took it with an air of confusion as she glanced between Isabel and Mapi.

"What's this, Is?"

Isabel cowered under her glance, suddenly full of insecurity and self doubt. Would Ingrid even want to be her mother?

She had spent so much time thinking about how much she wanted Ingrid to be her mother, that she sort of ignored the possibility that the Norwegian didn't want that.

And that would completely break the 10 year old.

"Just open it." Mapi smiled reassuringly at Isabel, noticing her nerves, before looking over at Ingrid who had completely frozen as soon as she read the first few words on the top of the first page.

She immediately broke down in tears, her body racking with sobs as she realised what she had just been given.

~~~~~~

"Isabel Leon! We're going and we're going now!" Ingrid was beyond frustrated, the 8 year old not listening to a word she said. Mapi was out of town for the week so they had been left alone together and the child was experiencing a severe case of 'I miss my mum' and it was materialising as disobedience and ignorance of Ingrid.

"No!" She slammed her door closed for effect, throwing herself on her bed and willing herself not to cry.

"Isabel, this is important and I can't leave you here. We have to go, you can sulk in the car."

The Norwegian was stood right outside the door, her hands massaging her head in frustration at the girl.

"No! I'm not coming."

Ingrid huffed, shoving open the bedroom door and picking the ever-growing child up from her bed.

"Ingrid!" She screeched loudly, almost deafening the brunette. "NO! Put me down, Ingrid, NOW!"

Her words dissolved into sobs as Ingrid continued to carry her until they had exited the apartment, the door locked behind them, Isabel left with no way to get back in.

"I want Mami, Ingrid, I miss Mami!"

She shook her head, using her hand to guide the child into the lift.

"Well Mami's gone, so you're stuck with me for now. You're just going to have to make do."

The child lashed out at the words and the contact, flipping around and facing Ingrid as the elevator doors closed.

"There's a reason you're not my Mami!"

Her vision was blurred by her tears so she couldn't see the hurt that flashed over the woman's face. She only realised later that night that what she said was wrong, that she had been horrible to someone she loved so much for no reason.

And Ingrid would never admit the reason that she was in tears as Mapi called her that night, alone and wrapped up in bed.

As she put down the phone, tears still dripping down her face. It wasn’t often that her insecurities returned, but when they did it was like wildfire, quickly spreading and destroying everything good in it’s path.

Because Isabel was right, Ingrid wasn’t her Mami. She wasn’t her Mama either, she was just Ingrid.

She was Isabel’s Mami’s girlfriend.

But if she asked either of the Spaniard’s, they would assure her that she is so much more than that.

It was with desperation that she tried to wipe her tears away as her bedroom door creaked open, Isabel creeping through the door and silently climbing up onto Mapi’s side of the bed, curling herself up in Ingrid’s side.

The Norwegian didn’t realise she was crying until she heard the sniffle, her shoulders shuddering subtly.

“Is.” Ingrid’s voice was a whisper and Isabel turned around to face her, eyes puffy and her cheeks stained with tears. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Ingrid.”

She took a deep, shuddery breath and nestled her head into Ingrid’s chest.

“Please don’t leave me and Mami.”

Ingrid frowned, wrapping her arms tighter around the girl.

“Why would you think I was leaving you and your Mami?”

Isabel shrugged, her voice breaking as she replied.

“I said that you’re not my Mami, but you are. I was naughty and you were angry and I don’t want you to leave me, Ingrid, because I love you.”

The Norwegian’s heart broke but she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and responding.

“I will never leave you and your Mami. Never ever worry about that because I will always be here. And you were just upset today, you missed Mami and you were angry and sad and said stuff to me that you didn’t mean but it’s ok, Is, because you know it was naughty and you’ve apologised. But please, never ever worry about me leaving. I love you way too much to not see you every single day.”

~~~~~~

“Where is Ingrid, Mami?”

She had woken up confused, her head sore and her arm in a cast.

All she could remember was dragging Pina and Patri to the skatepark, showing off her new tricks. They were impressive, for a 9 year old and Mapi worried every day about her little girl flying around the skatepark with little to no concern about her own safety.

When Pina and Patri had offered to babysit, she specifically told them that if they went to the skatepark, Isabel had to wear all the protective equipment that Mapi had purchased.

Which she did, the two women making sure everything was on tight, equally as nervous as Mapi tended to be whenever she had to accompany Isabel to the skatepark.

But whenever Pina or Patri turned their back, she would discreetly shed another protective item, embarrassed and humiliated in front of all the local skaters who wore nothing but their normal clothes and a helmet.

They noticed, of course they did, but Isabel was too quick on her board for them to catch her and put them back on.

“Pequena!” Patri had yelled, her voice stressed and somewhat angry. “Come back here right now and put this all back on!”

It was rare Patri yelled at her, so the harsh words came as a shock to Isabel, who tried to pull off a spin at the top of the bowl so she could turn around.

Except it was a trick she hadn’t quite mastered yet, and instead of landing it on two feet, she plummeted to the base of the bowl with a sickening crunch, immediately bursting into tears.

Pina swore as Patri jumped down to her, scooping her up in her arms and giving her a quick once over.

Her heart sank when she saw the wonky arm. Broken, easily.

Pina grabbed the board and followed quickly, jumping into the drivers seat as Patri carefully slid into the back, nursing Isabel’s arm as the 9 year old sobbed in pain.

“Please, Patri!” She had sobbed, tears streaming down her face. “Don’t tell Mami, she will be so mad at me.”

Patri sighed quietly, knowing that Mapi’s anger would be directed entirely at Pina and herself.

She didn’t tell Isabel that, instead kissing her head and soothing her, whispering quiet Spanish in her ear until her cries weakened and she fell asleep.

The doctors in the hospital had confirmed the broken arm, as well as a very minor concussion that required monitoring for 24 hours.

But she woke up, her mother’s familiar tattooed hand resting on her leg, her eyes full of worry and stress as she stared down at her daughter.

Ingrid, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen.

Mapi had been so caught up in her daughter’s injuries that she hadn’t even considered where Ingrid was having not seen her since that very morning.

“I’m so glad you’re ok, my lion cub.”

The discipline about her gear would come later. Even if Patri and Pina had disregarded it, she had told Isabel time and time again about it’s importance. Today, unfortunately, Mapi had been proven right.

She had yelled that to the two younger Spaniards as they waited in the hallway, sending them home with their heads bowed and tears in their eyes.

For some reason, they didn’t tell her that they had been extra careful all day, Isabel only getting hurt after they had told her to come back to replace all her knee pads. Mapi was so angry, which they had understood.

They were just upset because she had told them they would never see the little girl again, mapi couldn’t trust two people so irresponsible.

It was dramatic, of course, but Pina and Patri had never seen Mapi so angry before.

“Where’s Ingrid?”

Mapi sighed quietly, stroking Isabel’s hair back.

“I’ll call Ingrid, she can come in.”

She did just that, easily dialling the Norwegian on her phone, only having to wait through two rings before she picked up.

“Is has been asking for you, Ingrid, do you want to come over to the hospital?”

Mapi hadn’t really known where Ingrid was, but her concern about why her girlfriend wasn’t there was sort of pushed to the side as she worried about her daughter’s wellbeing.

She didn’t expect Ingrid to sound so frustrated, so upset.

“I’ve been here this whole time, Mapi! They won’t let me up because I’m not on her documents. You’re her mother, not me.”

The Spaniard’s heart dropped, immediately filling with guilt.

“I’ll be right there.”

She was practically flying down the stairs, grabbing Ingrid by the arm and pulling her into the lift.

“I’m sorry, Ingrid. I’m so sorry.”

It was hard for the Spaniard to keep her tears at bay, the emotions of her day catching up with her. But Ingrid broke down in her arms, silently crying.

“She’s my kid too, Mapi. She’s my kid too.”

Isabel didn’t know why both Ingrid and Mapi were crying when they entered her room again, but she did finally feel at ease with them both on either side of her, swiftly falling asleep as their hands rested on her smaller form.

~~~~~~

Her first day of school had gone well. Better than well, really, she had loved everything about it.

Her teacher, her friends, the food, her new pencil case and backpack.

Everything had been perfect. It was still perfect as she spied her mother standing by the gate, Baloo’s leash in her hand as the young golden retriever stood steady by her side.

“Mamiii!”

Her backpack was dropped on the floor as she raced towards Mapi, throwing herself into her open arms and sighing contentedly as she was picked up, her head fitting easily on Mapi’s shoulders.

“Oh hello there!”

Mapi smiled, walking over to the abandoned school bag and skillfully bending down to pick it up with one hand, her daughter and the dog’s leash being held securely in the other.

“How was your day, Is?”

Her question caused the girl to burst into excited chatter, eating Mapi’s ear off with her words as she recounted every possible story from the moment she was dropped off the the moment she was reunited, her words so quick that she was all finished by the time they arrived back to the apartment.

“I made a friend, Mami!”

She skipped beside her mother as they walked towards the lift, a grin settled on her face.

Mapi was impressed, but not remotely surprised. It seemed that her daughter had inherited her own chattiness and confidence, but she was also an inherently happy kid who practically radiated sunshine.

Mapi never had to worry about the girl making friends.

So she listened as Isabel told her all about her new friend Sofie, about how she wasn’t even from Spain.

“She’s from the same place as Esmee, Mami!”

Dutch, Mapi thought. She wondered what a Dutch family was doing in Barcelona.

She continued to talk about Sofie’s older brother, her mother and father. Her grandparents and her cousins.

But a small frown settled upon her face, as she looked up at Mapi with an inquisitive gaze.

“I told her that I have a Mami, but no Papi. She asked who else looks after me because her Mami needs her Papi’s help all the time, so I told her I have an Ingrid, but she didn’t really get it. Because Ingrid isn’t a Papi.”

Mapi sighed, unclipping Baloo from his leash and moving to unpack Isabel’s backpack.

“Come up here, Is.” She patted the kitchen bench in front of her and the girl raced over, pulling herself up onto the bench with a practised ease.

“You don’t have a Papi, no. But you have a Mami, don’t you?” Isabel nodded her head eagerly, wriggling slightly in her spot. “And who else do you have?”

“I have an Ingrid!”

Mapi nodded, but gave her a look that prompted her to continue.

“And an Ale, a Frido, Esmee! Pina, Patri. Leila, even though she lives all the way in England.”

“Who else?”

“Abuela and Abuelo! And tio and tia!”

Mapi nodded proudly, placing her hands on Isabel’s shoulders.

“You don’t have a Papi, Is, but you do have so many people here that love you, Ingrid more than anyone. We can’t even remember life without Ingrid, can we?”

Isabel shook her head, frowning.

“I miss her when she’s away.”

“So do I.”

It was true, the house always seemed so much more quiet whenever the Norwegian had to return to Norway, even though she made by far the least noise out of all of them. She was a popular presence and one that made life so much more enjoyable for the two of them.

Of course on the other side, Ingrid missed them equally as much and she was absolutely devastated that her national team duties were pulling her away from Isabel as she started school, one of the biggest days yet in her short life.

But she had missed yet another milestone, just as she was cementing her place as a mother in Isabel’s life.

“But Is, she’s your Mami too. You know this, she’s Mama.”

Isabel nodded.

“I don’t think Sofie knew that it was ok to have no Papi because she looked sad when I told her.”

“Well, tomorrow you can tell Sofie that you’re ok! You don’t need a Papi because you have a Mama instead. Tell Sofie that families always look different but that doesn’t mean we love each other any less.”

She grinned, her head bobbing up and down happily.

“I love you Mami!”

Mapi smiled, reciprocating her words without hesitation.

“Do you want to call Ingrid and tell her the same thing?”

“Let’s call Mama!”

Mapi smiled with pride, scooping Isabel up in her arms and walking them over to the sofa as she dialled Ingrid.

And that is where they sat for the next couple of hours, on the phone to their Ingrid, cuddled up in each others arms.

It was Mapi’s favourite place, only made better when the Norwegian was right there too, her soft skin providing that extra love and warmth that both Spaniards desired so deeply.

Ingrid was family now. Irreplaceable and incomparable.

But if you asked Mapi, she would say that Ingrid had been family from the moment she first held Isabel in her arms.

~~~~~~

Isabel watched as Ingrid broke down, tears streaming down her face and landing with big splats on her legs.

The Norwegian was always going to be emotional, that was expected. Both Spaniards knew how insecure she was about her place in Isabel’s life, her role in this family. The insecurities were thick, stubborn. They never went away, despite how much Isabel and Mapi tried to cut them out, to push them away.

The truth was enough for them to withstand any pushing that the mother daughter duo attempted, the facts were all there.

Mapi was Isabel’s mother, she was the one on the documents, the one who was called if anything happened. She was allowed in Isabel’s hospital room when she got sick and she was the one that Isabel called Mami.

Ingrid knew she was important, she knew she was loved.

But she had always been Ingrid, excluding those few treasured times where Isabel had tiredly reached out for Mama. She found everything out through Mapi, she wasn’t even on the email list for her school.

But these documents changed everything.

For Ingrid, they changed everything.

For Isabel and Mapi they changed nothing at all.

Ingrid’s tears were expected, they were justified. But all she needed to do was look up at Isabel for her to run into her arms, almost toppling her over from her seated position on the sofa with the shear force of her body ramming into Ingrid’s, her arms easily wrapping around her.

The Norwegian reciprocated the hug, her tears saturating the shoulder of Isabel’s shirt.

“Do you want to be my Mama?”

Ingrid’s sobs became more audible as she tried to respond, words failing her as she nodded. The tears continued, Baloo looking up in confusion as the Norwegian cried, as Mapi did nothing to console her, instead watching on with a wet smile, tears dripping down her face.

She was grateful to Ingrid because without her, life would be completely different. Without Ingrid, she would likely be a single mother. She and Isabel would live alone, Bagheera there too but Baloo wouldn’t have been an option if there wasn’t another adult there.

Ingrid was the first time Mapi ever felt true love, the first time she ever felt like she was loved completely and romantically. The Norwegian made her happy, she made Isabel happy too.

She had changed their lives for the better.

Mapi would never be able to thank her enough.

She watched as Ingrid’s cries softened, as she leant back and grabbed Isabel’s shoulders, looking at her straight in the eyes.

“I would love nothing more, Isabel.”

It wasn’t long before Isabel disappeared, racing up to her room to grab her gift. As she left, Mapi easily retook her spot beside the Norwegian, kissing away the tears that still fell from her eyes.

“You didn’t have to do this, Maria. I can’t believe it.”

The brunette just shrugged.

“This is what’s right. You’ve raised her with me, you’re her mother, Ingrid. I didn’t think it was necessary for such a long time but last year at the hospital… it’s important to me that you know it only took me so long because it won’t change anything for me. You have always been her mother, ever since you walked into my life.”

Ingrid nodded, ready to reply before she heard the feet thundering back down the stairs, telling Mapi that they would have this conversation later.

Shyly, Isabel handed over a neatly folded piece of paper and the photo book, sitting down on the other side of Ingrid as they flipped through it.

It was how they spent the rest of the night, snuggled up together on the sofa, lots of tears shed as they flipped through the book of photos.

Isabel fell asleep once they were done, the TV turned on as all three of them were emotionally exhausted, eyes puffy and faces red. Ingrid could only smile, her hand tangling up in Isabel’s head of hair as she slept peacefully on her mother’s lap.

“My daughter. She’s my daughter, Maria.”

~~~~~~

It was a week of happiness in the Engen-Leon household, the Norwegian radiating positivity as she adjusted to her new role in Isabel’s life.

Nothing changed, really, except for Ingrid’s security.

It wasn’t even something you could see from the outside, but Mapi knew her well enough to understand how much happier she was, like she had finally been relieved from a weight that she’d been carrying around for so long. It was a relief for all of them.

The letter that Isabel wrote, however, had been left unread on her bedside table.

It was in Norwegian, that much she knew. Apparently, the 10 year old had called up Caro to ask for some help with the language, making sure it was perfect before she gave it to her mother.

It was a bit more than a week later, her and Mapi laying in bed one evening, Isabel fast asleep in her room down the hall. The Spaniard was scrolling through her phone, her spare hand lazily carding through Ingrid’s thick locks.

The Norwegian was holding that folded piece of paper, staring at it like it held the secrets to the world.

“Just open it.”

Mapi chuckled as soon as she store what her Norwegian was looking at, the familiar lined paper forever etched into her brain after such a big deal had been made about it.

“It’s in Norwegian!” Ingrid smiled, looking over at Mapi. “Caro said I should prepare my tissues, Maria!”

“You would have cried if she said ‘I hate you Ingrid I wish you weren’t my Mama’ if it was written in Norwegian.”

Ingrid rolled her eyes at Mapi chuckled at her own joke, her phone dropping into her lap.

“It won’t say that though. It will probably be heart wrenching because our girl is smart and has a unique way with words.”

Ingrid flopped backwards onto her pillow, sighing dramatically.

“I’m going to be sobbing, Mapi.”

The Spaniard could only shrug.

“Probably.”

It took a few more sighs and a couple more minutes for her to open the letter, unfolding the piece of paper at a painfully slow speed, Mapi just rolling her eyes at Ingrid’s dramatics.

But the brunette’s eyes glazed over as soon as she saw the first line, neat Norwegian printed onto the page.

Dear Mama.

And so the waterworks began.

I haven’t called you Mama my whole life, but I don’t really know why. You’re my Mama, you always have been. When I talk to my friends, I’ll call you Ingrid, but I will always question why, I’ll question why I call you that.

I know that Mami was the one who had me, that she didn’t mean to have me and was only left with me because the people who I was named after, Isabel and Luis, died.

She always tells me not to say that she was left with me because it makes it sound like she didn’t want me, which isn’t true.

But Mami never had the choice, even if she didn’t want me. She was left with me, a baby. I would have been a lot of work. But she loves me and I love her so it worked and I don’t have any memories of being sad.

I don’t have any memories of that time at all, really. No memories of anything that happened before you came.

You had the choice, Mama. You didn’t have to choose to be my Mama. You love Mami and she loves you of course, but she had a baby. You didn’t have to take me into your arms and immediately love me as much as you do.

You could have chosen that you wanted nothing to do with me, you could have chosen to just be Mami’s girlfriend - a step mother who doesn’t really love her step-daughter.

But you didn’t choose that. You chose to love me and I chose to love you.

Somehow, it seems so much more special that way.

You’ve been there for me my whole life. You took me to Norway with you, the first time I left the country without Mami. You would look after me when she was sad, take me to the park and distract me with toys and Baloo. You were the one who convinced Mami to let me on a skateboard and you were the one who realised that I didn’t like football, taking the pressure off me to succeed at the sport you both love.

You have been to every school awards night, concert, play. You are always there and I always spot you because you always have such a big smile on your face, one that I like to think is reserved just for me and Mami.

And I love you so much. You make me so happy and you always have.

I can’t believe how lucky I am that you chose to love me like you do.

Lots of love,

Your daughter Is.

The tears that had been pouring down her face were hitting her legs as she finished reading, Mapi’s arms pulling her close as she carefully folded the paper back up, putting it in the top drawer of her nightstand.

“My daughter Is.” She whispered softly and if Mapi wasn’t right in her space, she wouldn’t have been able to hear.

“Your daughter Is.” She confirmed, using her finger to gently wipe away her tears. “She loves you so much.”

Ingrid could only nod, words once again failing her.

“We both love you so very much. We are both so grateful for you and everything you do to make our lives so much better.”

“I love you too, Maria.”

~~~~~~

hope you enjoyed! please let me know what you thought and send in anything you want to see :)

have a good day!

#mapi leon #ingrid engen #mapi leon x ingrid engen #mapi leon x reader #woso #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #ingrid engen x reader

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katsona-the-katsequel · 5 months ago

Text

Persona Fun Facts

These are all taken from the fanbooks and novels.

So far in the series, the protagonists have managed to avert between seven and eleven "Ends of the World".

Nanako does notice her flan is missing, but assumes she ate it earlier and forgot.

Yukki has at least three younger siblings.

Dr. Nicholai, the guy who helped create the Deva System, is jewish.

Sae practices kickboxing as a hobby.

Nyarlathotep also made deals with King Solomon, Napoleon, and the actual Hitler.

The project that saw the kidnapping of 100 children to create Persona Users was called the "Artificial Persona Users Research Project"... not very original.

Theodore once adopted a shadow and named it Mochi. This shadow became so powerful it adopted the name of "Near Death".

In the Persona timeline, Tatsuzou Sudou replaced Yōhei Kōno as the Minister of Foreign Affairs, though he wouldn't be able to complete his term.

The Demon Painter first entered the Velvet Room by painting a blue door in his canvas. It is probable he finally managed to paint the Fool Arcana before P3 and left the Velvet Room, having nothing left to learn there.

The saleslady of Anima Mundi has the hots for Tatsuya.

Masataka, Maya's father, died in the Soviet-Afghan War when she was eight.

Ken has stated he wishes he had a Death Note.

Mark drew those marks under his eyes himself.

Minato sometimes muttered in his sleep about how "the end is coming". Mitsuru noticed and it worried her.

Katsuya began baking because it made baby Tatsuya happy.

Sojiro wanted to give Morgana the name of a foreign actor or singer he liked.

Ann doesn't cook because she always makes too much and its always just how she likes it, which causes her to overeat.

Shinjiro doesn't remember his Awakening.

Reiji is such a momma's boy his favorite food is listed as "Mom's home cooking".

Katsuya wakes up at 5:30. He always tries to wake Tatsuya at 7:30, but Tatsuya doesn't get up until 9.

Ken's mom once met and saved one of the kids who was part of the Artificial Persona Users Research Project.

Kubo was given a suspension from Morooka for a week, which hurt Kubo's pride so much he transferred.

If Innocent Sin and Eternal Punishment are considered one long game, then their events did take place over the course of a year like the newer games, from May~ of 1999 to February of 2000.

All of this happened in the same year: Labrys and later Aigis were built, the events of P2:IS took place, Ryuji and Ann were born, the Dark Hour was created, and construction of Gekkoukan High School began.

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secretmellowblog · 8 months ago

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Les Mis Hidden Name Meanings: “Fantine” (posting here because it got popular on TikTok)

Every character in Les Mis has a name with a deeper symbolic meaning— here’s a video I made for the official @barricadescon TikTok about the meaning behind “Fantine!”

Transcript and Digressions I left out of the video, under the cut:

Every charcater’s name in Les Mis is either a pun, a reference to a historical/mythological figure, or had some deep symbolic meaning — and sometimes it’s all of them at on.

The name “Fantine” comes from the french word “enfantine” or “childike, infant-like.” Her name basically means “Baby.” And obviously this speaks to her innocence and niavetee. But also “baby” is kind of,.,, well it sounds more like an informal term of endearment than an actual legal name?

And that’s because– Plot twist– Fantine isn’t her legal name! What is her legal name? She doesn’t have one.

And the reason she doesn’t have one is directly tied to political turmoil of the era she was born into.

Fantine grew up an orphan living on the streets, without a family without parents. Hugo tells us the origin of her name:

“she bore on her brow the sign of the anonymous and the unknown. (...)She was called Fantine. Why Fantine? She had never borne any other name. At the epoch of her birth the Directory still existed. She had no family name; she had no family; no baptismal name; the Church no longer existed. She bore the name which pleased the first random passer-by, who had encountered her, when a very small child, running bare-legged in the street. She received the name as she received the water from the clouds upon her brow when it rained.”

This moment is adapted beautifully in the Manga adaptation by Takahiro Arai, which I recommend to anyone who loves Les mis, manga, or any combination of those things.

But now let’s talk about the Directory.

To wildly oversimplifly a lot of complex history: Before the French Revolution, the Catholic Church’s records of baptismal ceremonies were often used as a registry of people’s legal names. During the French Revolution, the Revolutionary government– including the Directory– put in place a series of policies we now call “dechristianization,” where they attempted to dismantle the power of Catholic church.

Fantine was born during the age of these dechristianization policies. So she was never baptised, her baptismal name was never recorded, so she has no recorded legal or family name. She’s slipped through the cracks of the legal system, and ended up completely anonymous.

It sets Fantine up as this anonymous child of the Revolution– a stand in for everyone who was left behind when the Revolution was left behind, and kings were restored to the throne.

Fantine’s namelessness is meant to show atomized . How she has NO support system. She has nothing to connect her to other people, nothing to connect her to a support system.

Finally, the way Fantine tends to “slip through the cracks” is something that follows her throughout her life. When she’s fired from her job at a factory, Maroy Madeleine never learns of it– Fantine has this tendency to overlooked and forgotten. She is born anonymous and she dies anonymous. At the end of the story, she is buried in an unmarked grave, with not even the name “Fantine” on her headstone.

It ties into novel’s questions about which people we consider worth remembering, whose lives are worth being records.

And obviously Fantine is not the only character in Les Mis whose name has a deeper symbolic meaning. If you have any other Les Mis character names you’d like to explain, leave their name in the comments below.

Thank you for watching!

From the description of the original tiktok, here are some things that were left out of the video for time:

How this all relates to Cosette’s name(s)

Fantine’s nickname “The Blonde,” and how this relates to the way she’s dehumanized by Tholomyes

How the 2018 Bbc series fundamentally misunderstands Fantine’s character, and how one sign of this is that they give her a full legal first and last name

How Fantine’s name shows up/is revealed is significant parts of the story (like when Valjean reveals her signature on a letter to Thenardier, allowing him to take Cosette away)

How Fantine’s inability to write ties into the way it’s difficult for her to record her own story

How some of Valjean’s last words are revealing Fantine’s name to Cosette

Thanks again for reading!

#les mis #les miserables #Fantine #:3 #tiktok #barricades con

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bunbotbuggiman · 3 months ago

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au where the peak lords reincarnate as Bingge's quarter demon spawn

saw a post (https://www.tumblr.com/cursed-angelic-art/686056254886559744/do-you-think-mobei-jun-is-the-one-playing-father) talking abt if mbj "played dad" for og lbh's army of kids and-

au where the peak lords reincarnate as Bingge's quarter demon spawn

they all have different mothers but are all the same age- were born the same year-

even sqq, who's nyy's favorite kid (because he reminds her of her shizun, during the good days before lbh became a disciple) despite not being her kid (she herself never had any kids, which doesn't bother her as much because neither did lmy or shl and they're the head wives still so) (in the same vein, Liu Mingyans favorite kid is the one who behaves most like her late brother)

This world's version of Shen Yuan, however, was born as the son of one of mbj's advisors, before said advisor and his family died in a tragic accident. so he was adopted by mobei-jun and shang qinghua at the ripe old age of barely a few weeks old.

His name: Mo Yuan, named after an old friend of Shang Qinghua's from his secret pre-transmigration life (In this world, SY is not a transmigrator.... maybe he is a reincarnation.... but there's no real way to tell, he sure doesn't remember anything)

So he's an ice demon. looks like Shen Yuan but everything about him is like 30 shades more MBJ. he adores his parents, and his parents adore him, and because of this mutual adoration he has successfully grown up completely secure in his status as their child in spite of fully knowing of his adopted status.

This being said, there are very few individuals who also know this fact, because since the transition was so fast (and because Shang Qinghua knows stuff, and Mobei-Jun knows he knows stuff) they just bullshit it and say that Mo Yuan is a magical plant baby who was born as a full demon in spite of technically being a half demon because of magic plant bullshit.

He looks enough like shang qinghua to make it believable anyways, so it's fine.

Mo Yuan and Shang Qinghua also have a really weird relationship where MY at some point got into Shang Qinghua's writings (only the age appropriate stuff.... he found out about the porn at a later age) and violently hated it, but Shang Qinghua found it:

A. funny that his son was so violently opinionated and

B. thought it was important that his son be able to have an outlet for these emotions so he honestly encouraged it.

So now they have a really close parental relationship but also are kind of friendly-close because when Mo Yuan found some of SQH's writings, he immediately was like "oh my god Baba you suck???? at writing????? How?????? You are a scribe???? This is so awful???? Baba, you could do this better, and this better, and- what the hell, take this out, oh my god..."

Also, his name in the au is 漠垣 Mo Yuán meaning North[ern] Wall, but his courtesy name is 漠雪峰 Mo Xuefēng, meaning North[ern] Snow[y] Peak.

However, he is beloved by much of the palace staffers, who have watched him grow up much closer than any of Luo Bingge's children, who mostly grow up in the relative isolation of their courtyards and palaces and palace wings, so he is referred to by many of them by his nickname, 雪花 Xuehua, meaning snowflake.

So anyways, he meets + kinda grows up alongside many of the peak lords because he grows up spending a lot of time in the palace by virtue of his dads being, well, Mobei Jun and Shang Qinghua.

Shang Qinghua and Liu Mingyan, shippers prime and book club buddies into this universe (though Mo Yuan staunchly ignores all of LMY's writings because his face is wayyy too thin for that) immediately sees the way that the various children of Luo Bingge climb over each other in desperate attempts to charm and woo the chilly Mo Xuefeng...

and maybe eventually, how one son of Luo Bingge looks at him and how Mo Yuan looks back.

(I haven't decided what I want the pairing to be here.... oopsies y'all, come to y'alls own conclusions ig lmaooo)

#bugwrites #the scum villain's self saving system #svsss au #svsss #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #shen jiu #original shen qingqiu #liu qingge #mobei jun #shang qinghua #moshang #liushen #jiuyuan #mu qingfang #wei qingwei

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luffyrose · 2 years ago

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Oh Brother....s?

I had the most brilliant mini-idea while raging at video games because my parents suck at em. Anyway, there's really no correlation there, but the idea!

So we all know the whole "Danny is related to (Batkid) and he was give away because blah blah" or "he died and blah blah". We know those, and we love them, but what if, hear me out, Danny is related to MULTIPLE of them.

Danny is the child of Willis and Talia.

Now he was definitely not planned or anything, it just happened during a random mission and Talia couldn't bother to deal with it much. She decided that if the child lived she'd give it to Willis, a sort of test. It's not like she needed the baby, Damian had been born a little while before. Talia is one of those mothers who doesn't LOOK pregnant even when she's about to have the baby so basically, Danny does end up being born but is a really sickly kid, like REAL sick.

Of course, she really couldn't care less about the kid so baby Danny was given to Willis, who just gave Danny to Jason and Catherine. He's like 8 or so, so he isn't Robin yet, and he is SO happy to have a little brother. Except he's terrified for Danny, whose name was originally something else with Daniel being his middle name thanks to Jason (also why he kept the name Danny and not his original first name), but he doesn't want Danny hurt. After a few years, just before he becomes Robin, he gives a barely like 4-year-old Danny to a shelter or something with a blanket and a note.

Everything goes the same with both of them from there. The reason why Jason is easier on Damian compared to the others? He kinda looks like his baby brother, not identical but like, there's a resemblance, and he kind of finds it uncanny. Reason Talia even gave the time to help Jason? Well, he's technically the older brother of her younger child, and after having Damian for a while she does feel a little bad. Even if she doesn't want to meet the kid, she figured helping his older brother was a good enough way to apologize.

Danny remembers his older brother. How he looked and his name, and how he always took care of him. It's why even when his new adoptive parents neglected both him and Jazz he doesn't think anything is wrong. Jason had raised him. Now Jazz was. It was simply normal to him. He's just got major parent issues honestly.

The only people who know about his older brother are Jazz and Tucker though. His parents never were told because they'd been too busy to learn about it. Jazz had helped him on the earlier nights when he cried for Jason. And Tucker had learned when they first became friends as kids. Even if he was close to Sam, he never mentioned Jason though, it kind of felt like something he shouldn't touch anymore. It'd been years and even if he still had that star blanket, the note he vaguely remembers with it had been taken and put with his papers...and well he didn't know where those were.

Jason had already died and come back when Danny had the accident, so neither was aware of the other still. Danny does the whole hero thing for about 3 years before everything came crashing in for whatever reason, and he has to run. With no plan, he just follows his core and ends up in Gotham but he doesn't know why. Gotham herself is THRILLED to have him back because Jason was hers and this was Jason's little brother as well as her king! So she's trying to help the disoriented and hurt boy to his brother.

Cue shenanigans and angst though and it take a good MINUTE for Danny to even meet the Bats, let alone Jason. I'm thinking everyone meets him in one way or another before Jason is getting something from the cave while they're talking about this meta kid who LOOKS kind of like Damian but not at the same time, so they need to figure out if it's a clone or what. Jason sees the picture and is frozen, not even noticing the fact that he started crying while the whole fam is freaking out.

It's Damian, who looks between Jason and the picture, that notices the subtle differences that had them thinking it was still familiar were from Jason. And dun dun dun, it's Jason's little brother. He never knew who the mother was and after someone gets him out of his like mini-panic from knowing his brother was close by, he just bolts to his bike to go find him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I actually think I may make this a one-shot series. If anyone else wants to use this idea though feel free as well! Just tag me or smth :D

I honestly do think this is gonna be another thing I write though, I kinda love this idea a lot XDD

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codenamesazanka · 4 months ago

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Story has this tendency to add more suffering after the initial horror backstory, as a way to delve deeper into Hero Society/the world:

Shigaraki didn't just have a deadly quirk and was never saved by Heroes - his dad abused him and his family enabled this and then he killed his entire family and was ignored by dozens of bystanders before being picked up by a Villain who gives him his family's severed hands to fuck with him. Then it turns out even his birth was plotted by AFO.

Twice wasn't just a criminal who suffered a traumatic break. He was an orphaned 16-year-old who was kicked out onto the streets and turned to using his quirk for comfort, before falling into crime.

Spinner wasn't just called some names and got bullied and became a hikikomori. He got sprayed with pesticides for daring to walk outside, and admits that he was ready to completely give up.

Toga didn't just had to go to quirk counseling and repress herself. Her parents emotionally abused her and quirk counseling truly was to stuff her into a neat, 'normal' box and even when she was unconsciously biting her wrist hard enough to bleed in her sleep, no one did anything.

Touya wasn't just neglected by his dad and went villains for revenge. He was cornered to the point of a mental breakdown, before being alone when he nearly burned to death, was in a coma for three years, escaped from a shady AFO-ran orphanages, came home to see Enji still beating up Shouto, then became a street kid for the next 8 years.

AFO and OFA wasn't just two siblings with quirks living through a time of chaos where people quirks were considered subhuman. They were born to a homeless woman who died, and so they becoming orphaned trash river rat babies who lived on the streets their whole lives.

Scissors-kun wasn't just tied up and locked away in his own home by his parents. His family and multiple relatives were all involved in the abuse and cover-up, in which he was locked in a basement for years and they even sew his mouth shut (implied because he cried too much), before being purposefully abandoned when the town was evacuated due to it turning into a war zone.

From his latest interview, Horikoshi apparently writes things because he wants his story to be interesting and evoke strong emotions in readers. Fair enough. I think he chooses these absolutely awful backstories as a way to make his villains understandable and sympathetic - so we can clearly understand their anger and pain and know why they would seek out destruction even if those crimes are inexcusable. Also fair. Or maybe it's just the logic of the darker the backstory, the more heartwarming the lukewarm save will feel - if they've suffered so much, they should be grateful they're even getting a bit of relief.

But the thing is. Because these horrors are so atrocious and clearly the results of how corrupted and dysfunctional and cruel Hero/quirk society is, I really have no choice but to loathe Hero society and basically all who upkeep it, and wish for its complete upheaval.

Scissors-kun revealed to be the victim of one of those years-long confinement cases, undergoing years of neglect and social isolation, and then even mutilation, all because his family can't accept his quirk, and no Hero even knowing of his existence to save him from his own family - him being saved by Old Lady holding his hand doesn't bring me joy. I don't see change. I see an injustice that occurred long before the League ever started their terrorism and continued even after they were defeated, and only recently alleviated partly because the League lashed out and forced some reckoning, and even this help Scissors-kun received is the lowest of bars.

It makes me want the society that allowed something like this to happen to him to be utterly destroyed.

#nalslastworkingbraincell

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delulu4dean · 1 year ago

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“Withdrawals”

Warnings: suicide, depression, anxiety

Pairings: Dean Winchester x sister!reader, Sam Winchester x sister!reader

Prompt: withdrawal from Cymbalta. Based on my own experience

Word Count: 3,624

You are all packed up to go with your older brothers. They were going all the way to the Redwood Forest, and you didn’t want to be in the bunker all alone.

You aren’t a hunter like them, not yet at least. You’ve studied the lore, and you’ve trained a bit, because after all, you are a Winchester. And the name alone is like wearing a giant “kick me” sign if it said “kill me” instead. No, you’re a student, getting your associates online in the exploratory major because you have no idea what you would want to do other than hunt with your brothers.

Sam and Dean promised John they’ll never let you into the life. Your mom died shortly after you were born. Your dad met your mom on a hunt nineteen years ago. She was a nurse in a hospital. There was one patient who was wrongfully treated, and died due to medical negligence. And boy does a vengeful spirit do a lot of damage. John saved your mom’s life, and they celebrated that night. She got pregnant, and she kept John’s number so nine months later, he picks up the phone to find out he’s got a daughter. Dean overheard the conversation and when John said he wouldn’t go, Dean said he has to. It resulted in a huge argument. John eventually gave in, and they went to the hospital to see you, and Dean knew right there and then he’d do anything to protect his little sister.

Your mom killed herself after she brought you home. Family history of mental illness was bad enough, but the postpartum depression pushed her over the edge.

It was not easy showing up at Stanford trying to explain to Sam that he had a baby sister, and that also your dad was missing. It was especially not easy looking for your dad while they had to take care of a baby. Dean often got babysitters to watch you in the motels they stayed in.

And now here you are, nineteen years old, aimlessly walking through life. You’re getting an associates in nothing specific just to get some general education done. And that history of mental illness in your family is hitting you hard. You’re on antidepressants, a specific one that treats your depression and anxiety.

Dean parks at the motel, and goes to get keys for a room. You don’t mind sleeping on the couch, out of the three of you it only makes sense, you got tall and taller with you, and it just doesn’t seem fair to make them sleep on the couch when you fit so well on it.

Sam and Dean throw on their FBI getup and go start asking questions while you connect your laptop to the motel wifi. Yay statistics, said no one ever. You’re only doing this to make your brothers happy, you don’t see a reason to get a degree. They say it’s useful to get some sort of decent job, or to one day get a further education when you decide what you want to do. But you already know what you want to do, you want to hunt with them.

You don’t know how you ended up on the couch. One moment you were doing homework and… yeah, that’s enough to make you snooze. You look at the time and it’s 8am the next day. You look into your bag and your eyes wide as you realize you left your antidepressants in the bunker.

“Shit!”

Your sudden outburst awakens your brothers as they both shoot up to see what’s wrong with you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sam asks as they both run to your side.

“I forgot my meds at home,” you pout.

“Your meds?” Dean raises an eyebrow.

“My antidepressants,” you clarify.

Dean makes an “O” shape with his mouth in response.

“Have you ever missed a day before?” Sam asks you.

“No, and this is going to be longer than a day. How am I going to manage without it?”

“Managing your existing problems is the least of your worries kiddo. You’re going to go through withdrawals,” Dean takes a seat next to you. “One of us can stay with you.”

“I’ll be fine, let’s get breakfast, you guys do your research and then I get back and work on more homework, I’ll keep myself occupied,” you assure your brother. They give each other a worried look, not feeling too sure, but you insist you’ll be fine.

The three of you head to a diner, and you check out the menu while Dean checks out the waitress.

“Perv,” you mumble under your breath.

“Good morning, what can I get for you?”

Dean orders the greasiest breakfast on the menu, with bacon of course. Sam orders some omelette made with just egg whites.

“And for you, hun?” the waitress looks at you with a smile.

“I’d like a plate of eggs, over easy, and sausages. And an order of chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream if that’s possible. And a cup of coffee if that isn’t too much trouble,” you order.

“Coming right up!”

After a couple of minutes the coffee is ready and she serves you and your brothers your coffee. You add a couple of vanilla creamers. You take your first sip, and immediately regret not blowing on it first. The hot liquid burns your tongue. You set your cup down as your stomach growls, begging to be fed.

On a normal day, you could be patient, wait for your food. But today isn’t a normal day, and even though it’s probably a five minute wait, ten at most, you need the food now. Your leg bounces up and down, as your fingers tap on the table.

“Hey kid, are you alright?” Dean asks you.

“Mmhm. Just hungry.”

“The food will be out any minute,” Sam assures you. You nod but it doesn’t make the time pass by any quicker for you.

You watch as the waitress walks over to your table with your food and you sit up. The moment she places your place in front of you, you dig in. Your brothers watch as you focus on your meal. They’ve never seen you eat like this. Normally you try to stay neat and clean while you eat. You talk to them. But right now, your brothers know better than to comment on you eating.

It’s not Dean doesn’t go crazy about food either. It’s just out of the ordinary for you, and you’re off your meds for the next few days, so they’re worried. Eventually they start getting to their research.

After breakfast, your brothers drop you off at the motel, and get on with the case. You open your laptop, log into your student portal, and look at your assignments. This is going to be a long day.

✰✰✰✰✰

You’re sat on the chair in front of your laptop, as you have been all day. It’s been hard to concentrate, you kept checking your phone, playing games. Every time your brothers texted to check in on you, you used it as an excuse to be on your phone again. And then when you finally started concentrating, you didn’t understand it.

You’re sat on your chair, tears streaming down your face. Hugging your knees, you just stare at the screen as the numbers blur together. Math was frustrating. It’s not like you’re bad at it, you’re actually great at it. But your mind is cloudy, and even reading over everything again and again, you’re not processing anything.

You barely made it through your other assignments, and this is all you have left for the day. You’ve been going at it since breakfast, you even skipped lunch to make up for the distractions.

The motel door clicks and creaks open, and footsteps enter the room. You don’t look up from your screen, you just hope they don’t notice your damp face.

“We got dinner,” Dean says, placing the bag on the table in front of you.

“ ‘M-not hungry,” you mumble.

“What do you mean you’re not hungry, what did you have for lunch?” Dean sits at the table, and Sam joins.

You still don’t look up as your brothers take out their food from the take out bag. Dean places your food in front of you as you push it away.

“I’ve been doing homework all day, no time to eat,” you attempt to speak but it all came out in a raspy whisper.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Sam scoots closed to you, placing his hand on your shoulder.

“I’m stupid, that’s what’s wrong,” you break down into sobs. “I can’t do simple math equations.”

“You’re great at math,” Dean tries to assure you, but it doesn’t help.

“But I can’t do it today.”

“Hey, hey. You're off your meds. You’re not stupid, you're just not in the right state right now,” Sam tells you, and you nod. “Eat up, and after dinner, I’ll help you with your math, and anything else you need help with.”

Your sobs become small whimpers until you stop crying altogether. You sniffle before grabbing the dinner your brothers got for your. Sam sits next to you and reads over your math homework and explains things. Just reading it didn’t process, but hearing it out loud, from your brother, that helped process what you were actually looking at. Not long after, you finish your homework.

“Thank you, Sammy,” you hug your brother, tightly, and he hugs you back.

“Of course, (Y/N/N),” he keeps you close.

✰✰✰✰✰

You toss and turn, unable to sleep. You’re really starting to miss your antidepressants. Huffing, you get up from the couch, throw on your slip on vans, and take one of the motel key cards. Maybe a walk with some therapeutic music will help you feel better. It really sucks how just after 24 hours, the withdrawal kicks in. You throw in your earbuds and start walking around the block.

Your skin feels all tingly and a burning sensation travels up your leg but you ignore your body screaming. Maybe the walk is what you need. You've been sitting all day, no wonder you can’t sleep.

You put your hands in your pocket as you sing along to the next song under your breath.

“Running low, on serotonin. Chemical imbalance got me twisting things. Stabilize with medicine, there’s no depth to these feelings. Dig deep, can’t hide from the corners of my mind. I’m terrified of what’s inside.”

You take in a deep breath, letting the cool air fill your lungs.

“Please don’t let me go crazy. Put me if a field with daisies, might not work but I’ll take a maybe.”

As the song ends, you reach the motel door, but before you can use your key card, the door opens. You look up to see Dean frantically walking out until he sees you.

“Y/N! Where were you?” He whisper-shouts.

“I just went on a walk,” you explain. “I couldn’t sleep. Thought it would tire me out.”

“How are you feeling?” he asks you, putting his hand on your back, bringing you inside.

“Honestly my legs hurt, my skin feels all tingly, and my head is starting to hurt.”

“Come on, you’re sleeping in my bed tonight. We can tell each other ghost stories until we fall asleep.”

You smile softly, remembering that’s what Dean would do to get you to bed growing up. You lay down underneath the cover and look at the ceiling.

“Instead of a ghost story, you can catch me up on what you and Sammy have figured out about the case,” you suggest.

And so Dean goes into detail about his day, and how he things by tomorrow night things should be done. Dean is thinking it’s a siren, since these victims were last seen talking about seeing a pretty woman.

“But what were the victims doing before they got killed?” you pose a question.

“One was smoking, another littered, the third being really disruptive,” your eldest brother answers you.

“Hm. Could be a dryad,” you tell Dean.

“A what?”

“A dryad, forest nymph, not a fairy or a goddess but sort of in between. Magical, gorgeous women. There are different nymphs, like water nymphs for example.”

“How do you kill a nymph?” Dean asks you.

“She’s just protecting the forest,” you pout.

“She’s killing people.”

“Talk to her.”

“How do you kill her?” Dean presses.

“You don’t,” you finally give in. “Not without killing nature. Do you want to burn down a tree, Dean?”

“… no.”

“Thought so.”

“Then what do I do?”

“Technically if you can find the one tree she’s attached to, you can kill her. But you shouldn’t.”

“I’ll try talking to her, for you.”

“Thanks Dean.”

✰✰✰✰✰

The next morning you and Dean are both awaken by Sam, who brings you breakfast burritos.

“Good morning,” he says.

“Mmm morning,” you yawn.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Sam asks.

“No, I just couldn’t sleep. So Dean caught me up on your case.”

Sam nods. After breakfast and some research, Sam and Dean get what they need to summon her.

“Since it’s not that dangerous, maybe I can come along,” you offer.

“Homework for the week all done?” Sam asks.

You nod.

“Legs feeling better?” Dean asks.

You nod again.

“You’re lying,” he squints his eyes at you.

“How would you know?”

“The second nod was slower and less confident.”

You groan.

“If you need one of us to stay with you, we can arrange that. If what you said is true, it will be easy enough for just one of us,” Sam suggests.

“I’m fine,” you lie. You’re not fine. Your body is aching, and the anxiety and depression are starting to really sink in.

“Sam, you’re better at talking things out than I am. I’ll drop you off, then head back here. You can call me if you need backup,” Dean says.

“Sounds like a plan,” Sam nods.

The two of them leave the room and you sigh, laying down. You can’t just stay sitting in this room the whole time. You’re at a bear themed motel close to the redwood forest. You need to experience the nature. You’re feeling trapped and panicked. Your breathing accelerates and you sit up. Pacing back and forth for the next forty minutes, you wait for Dean to get back.

The door opens and he walks in with a bag in hand.

“You’re five minutes late!” you yell at him.

“I just stopped to get some pie,” he sets down the bag. “I got you powdered donuts.”

You nod.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m just feeling really trapped in here. Think we can go for a walk, or a drive at least?”

“A drive sounds good,” Dean nods. “But eat the donuts before. No powder on Baby.” He points a finger at you.

“Yes sir,” you grab your donuts and eat, while dean digs into his pie.

After dessert, you two get into Baby. You look out the window as he pulls out of the motel parking lot.

“You want to play some music?” Dean asks you.

“What happened to driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole?”

“This is a one time opportunity, Y/N. You don’t wanna miss it,” he nudges you.

You use a cassette adapter to connect your phone. You continue the playlist you were playing last night.

“You wanna listen to sad music?” Dean raises an eyebrow.

“I am sad. I don’t have my happy pills,” you mumble.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Honestly? I just want to cry. For absolutely no reason. Well there is a reason, withdrawals.”

Tears well up, and you take a shaky sigh.

“I’m sorry kid. I’ll make sure we get home as soon as possible.”

You just nod. The medication doesn’t stop the bad thoughts from happening, but they stop them from hurting as much. The problem was the medication isn’t as effective anymore either. You’ve built a tolerance, so right now the only difference is instead of mild depression, you want to kill yourself. You hate how you look, I mean both of your brothers are considered attractive and you feel like you look… dorky. School is stressful especially when you’re working towards a degree you don’t want.

And then you think of your brothers, who swooped in to take care of you. John wasn’t a terrible father to you, but you know he was too tough on Sam and Dean especially when it came to you. And then when John died, Dean became basically like your dad. He already raised Sam during his youth and then he had to take care of you. You couldn’t help but think that Sam and Dean would have it so much easier without you.

You try to hide your cries, looking out the window, letting tears stream down your face.

“Y/N/N? Talk to me,” Dean coaxes you. “What are you thinking about.”

Your silent cries become wails and sobs. And the crying triggers a headache and you feel nauseous and everything is just awful.

“Dean, why do you keep me around?” You take a deep breath trying to calm yourself but it doesn’t work. “I’m a burden. You don’t need to be taking care of me, especially when I’m an adult. I’m just dragging you down,” you cry out. “If I were dead, or never born, you’d be so much happier!”

“Woah woah!” Dean pulls over, then looks over at you. “I would not be happier without you. We don’t keep you around to take care of you. You’re grown, independent. We love you. And we’re happy you like being around us too. You’re our family.”

You look up at him, and you can almost see his heart breaks as he looks at your face. He wipes your tears and pulls you in for a hug.

“Are you thinking of hurting yourself? Are the suicidal thoughts back?”

You nod, crying into the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry.”

“Shh. You have nothing to be sorry about, baby, these thoughts aren’t your fault.”

You feel something going on in your throat, and you pull away quickly, opening the door, emptying the contents from your stomach. Dean quickly gets out from the drivers side and runs over to you.

“Ew,” you cry. “God that’s gross. I’m sorry.”

Your shoulders continue to shake as you resume crying. Your older brother crouches down (avoiding where you threw up) and pushes your hair back behind your ears.

“You don’t need to say sorry.”

“I might have gotten some on Baby,” you say, looking around to make sure.

“I can clean it. It’s just a car. You’re my baby sister.”

You sniffle as a smile creeps on your face.

“You do really love me. You’d never say she’s just a car unless it was that serious.”

“Of course it’s that serious. You’re having withdrawals. Now lets get something in that tummy,” he pokes your stomach. “Something light and comforting. You can wash up in the bathroom. And then we can get Sam and get you home.”

You nod and the drive resumes. You head back to the diner you had breakfast at yesterday. For lunch you get a grilled cheese and tomato soup. Dean gets a burger, obviously. As you wait for the food, you head into the bathroom and wash up.

After lunch, Sam gives Dean a call, saying it’s all over, and to also check up on you. You guys go on your way to pick up Sam. Dean hands the key over to Sam and Sam looks at Dean confused.

“Long drive from California to Kansas. Don’t want to leave her alone. After dinner we can switch off and you can sit in the back if you want,” Dean explains.

“It’s fine, it looks like you got control of the situation.” Sam looks over to you. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling like absolute shit. But better than before.”

“When we get home, you take your meds, get your sleep, then we can do a movie night,” Sam suggests.

“That sounds great Sammy,” you smile. You kiss his cheek before going into the back seat with Dean.

“Thanks for being here for me Dean,” you say, kissing his cheek as well.

“Of course. I’ve been here since day one,” he ruffles your hair.

✰✰✰✰✰

The next 21 hours end up being hell. Dean said the wrong thing while trying to comfort you, sending you spiraling. That’s when Sam sat in the back while Dean sat up front beating himself up over it as he drives the rest of the way home. You apologized for being a difficult kid and Dean didn’t deny you were difficult, he just said easy is boring.

Now Dean pulls into the bunker garage, and you run to your room to get your medicine and take it. Dean follows you, wanting to apologize.

“Hey, Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You aren’t a difficult kid. You were a great kid. Fun, and a great listener.”

“It’s okay Dean, I’m over it. Really.”

He nods.

“Can you stay with me until I sleep though? You and Sam? I want to hear about the dryad!”

“Sure thing. Sammy!”

Sam runs up to you guys.

“She wants you to tell us about the dryad.”

“Was she pretty?” you ask.

“Yes, she was very pretty.”

You lay in bed as your brothers sit on each side of you. Sam talks about how your plan to talk to her actually worked, and how the conversation went down. You smile as you listen. Your eyelids get heavy and soon you’re out.

#dean winchester angst #dean x reader #dean Winchester x sister!reader #Sam Winchester X sister!reader #supernatural #spn fanfic

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rainbowcarousels · 4 months ago

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Baby Genesis Headcanons (just because)

Genesis was the first baby born from the project. We know it was canonly either Angeal or him, but with a name like Genesis and the fact Deepground was set up after his birth rather than Angeal's, it makes sense he's the first baby.

He was also a premature baby. Given what we know of the process of the jenova babies happening, it's likely his biological mother died from mutations not unlike we see at Nibelheim given this was where the Jenova project was set. That would also imply that Genesis and Angeal were also Nibelheim babies as it seems there were multiple labs there from what we've seen in DoC and Rebirth.

Since we know whatever is in Genesis's genetic structure that's unusual was there at birth from the DoC guides, I tend to think this means some aspects of cell degeneration were already there there too. As such, I don't think his pre-SOLDIER immune system was great and he was the type of kid who got every cold and cough under the sun. It led to him spending a lot of time curled up books.

Spent more time at Angeal's or in the caves than he did at home. By the age of ten, he had mastered getting out of Angeal's window just to knock on the door as if he was arriving. Angeal's parents know of these shenanigans, point out they know but Genesis still continued to do it because he has always commited to the bit.

I do think Genesis is far more fond of Angeal's parents than he is of his own. Loves his own, obviously, but their relationship is far more complicated for reasons he doesn't understand and I think it says something Gillian displayed pictures of both of them. The woman might be stone cold in some ways (such as putting her guilt before saving her kid) but I think there is a sense of responsibility with Genesis and for whatever it was worth, I think Genesis honestly thought she'd help without getting Angeal involved because of that relationship.

Genesis had private lessons compared to Angeal doing the village hall packet classes. Whether he actually studied all of it is questionable, but he's always had enough charm and unapologetic gumption to get away with things. The utter hilarity that Angeal seems to have been seen as more of a bad influence will never get old.

Genesis did not know he was fostered at all, so this provides a certain amount of confusion to his childhood interactions with his parents. It's said that they 'grew' to love him, but he absolutely remembers that detatchment and doesn't really understand it. It's a wedge that sits between them for a long time, assuming maybe they didn't particularly want kids when he happened so he's a bit of an inconvenience and they're just dealing with that.

I absolutely believe Genesis' biological father is Gast. If he's the first baby and Gast is definitely caught in the excitement, I can see him deciding well he's too human, he can go have a quiet life in an apple orchard and given Shinra's surveillance, it's easy enough to check in on him if need be. I don't think he ever really considers Genesis his, it was very much a clinical process unlike with Ifalna, but does consider the kids his in a very broad sense of being part of the project. There's a disconnect there that - not unlike Gillian - he can really only see his own guilt and mistakes rather than the living, breathing kids it produced.

Genesis's first summon was found in the caves under Banora. It was a summon - for me, I use Ifrit - and he spent so much time and energy leveling it up and delving into fire and magic that they became his most intense disciplines as an adult. That said, people definitely....misplaced materia around him, oops, how did that happen? (Yuffie would be proud)

Given that Banora was the freezer for Project G, I think he and Angeal were the only kids around their age for a long time and they've been codependent as hell ever since. I think there is an aspect of Jenova cells recognising each other as much as it's being the only two little kings of the castle for their village for a good while, but the result is the same: getting seperated for great lengths was a lot harder when they got into SOLDIER because they'd spent their whole lives around each other (more than they know).

Genesis's interest in exploration of gender nonconformity grew out of the magazines and things that he could get from Midgar. I think originally it was just a bonding thing with his mum, like he learned how to make drinkslike a Little Adult from an early age. I think that doing things like nails or learning about make up was just a way to get his mother to talk at length without any weirdness creeping in but he developed a genuine passion for it as a form of individualistic self expression. Especially later around Sephiroth.

I think Genesis talks at people more so than to them because he grew up in a big house with very few people around and the silence was deafening. Even as a little kid, I think he just talked aloud. It just made him feel lonely, so filling that silence became a way of dealing with that and so, years on, when no one is listening to him, he's used to that. It's a good way to get past the 'you never told me that' thing because he can sneak in that he knocked over one of Angeal's bug infested monstrosities when Angeal isn't listening between LOVELESS arguments.

#genesis rhapsodos #banora babies #ff7 #headcanons

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thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed · 2 years ago

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Soul Secrets

Word count: 2.9K

Summary: the not so typical soulmate mark AU. You own a bakery, and your mark goes famous without you having no idea why or even who has it.

Warnings: bad writing. That’s it.

Pairing: Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

Started writing this a month and a half ago and finished it now on my laptop, I think it came out good? Idk you guys let me know!

———

Having a bakery was by far one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do in your life. You had inherited this shop after your parents died in a tragic accident, and ever since you had been struggling quite a lot. Your shop was famous in Los Angeles, you had a lot of orders from celebrities and famous people, and you had enough money to pay the shop bills and pay for your nice dream house where you lived on your own. You also worked on your own, the shop had always been handled by the family, so you had to keep going on your own. It wasn’t a simple bakery where people come and go just to buy orders, you also offered bar services, where you wold sell donuts, cake pieces and whatever you could come up with.

Your parents always told you ‘when you find your soulmate, you’re gonna work here together and continue the family’s legacy’ and you were always up to that, if it wasn’t for the fact that you had one of the rarest soulmate marks in the whole world. A piece of braided hair on your right collarbone, just under your visible bone. Usually your soulmate mark represents a part of you, a part of your life… but you couldn’t find it a meaning, no matter how hard you tried. You never hid it, but you weren’t trying to show it either, and your friends… well, you didn’t have any. You dedicated yourself to your shop, it was the only thing you had left from your parents and you wanted to make it worth it, you wanted to keep the name high. So you never knew if there were other people around with your same soulmate mark.

On this particular day where the bakery has been less busy than usual, you were turned around listening to some music on the radio and singing along, when the door to the shop opened. “Hello and good afternoon! How can I help you today?” You said turning around and looking at who had just entered, it was a short brunette, shoulder-length hair and chocolate colored eyes, freckles all over her nose and cheeks… she was marvelous. You gulped as you met her eyes, silently gay panicking as you waited for her to speak. She smiled at you before speaking. “Hey there, I would like-“ she stopped when her eyes travelled from yours to your collarbone, where she saw your soulmate mark. Her shoulders slumped, and you gave her a confused look.

“You’re one of those people.” She sighed and looked away. “…what people?” You asked, “yeah I have a rare soulmate mark, is that weird?” You asked her again and she chuckled, was she mad? You didn’t know. She shook her head. “A lot of people had that soulmate mark tattooed because it is incredibly famous. Can’t believe there’s someone that would get to this point just for attentions” she seemed upset, but you weren’t gonna let a complete stranger talk to you like that. “Uhm excuse me? I have no Idea what you’re talking about. I was born with this mark, I’ve had it for as long as I can remember, hell I even have baby pictures of me with it! I don’t have social medias, I don’t go to the movies and I definitely don’t know why it even is famous. If you came here just to talk to me like that, then there’s the door, turn around and leave”

You pointed to the door, and the girl in front of you, who didn’t even introduce herself, looked at the door before moving to sit down at one of the tables, waiting for you to go get her order. You sighed and shook your head, you were about to close up actually because it was closing time, but something inside of you told you not to. Something inside of you told you to wait, get her order, her name and just get to know her. So you finished up what you were doing, and headed towards her, to take her order. “Sorry about… that. I just don’t like when people talk to me like they know me or they have an idea about me” you said and she nodded, seemingly understanding but she seemed distraught. However you didn’t know her, so you couldn’t interrogate her about that. “What can I get for you?” You asked, notepad and pen in hand as you flashed her a smile.

“What have you got? I’ve had a lot of coworkers tell me about this place and how good they eat whenever they come here” she said and that made you smile brightly. “That’s really good to know” you said “uhm, I don’t have anything fresh out of the oven, but if you wait a bit more I’m actually working on a new recipe fresh out of my mind” you said, “that is… if you’re not in a rush” you said and shrugged “isn’t it closing time?” You nodded “yes it is, I can still close and let you stay to try it?” You watched the girl think about it for a moment before she nodded, and you nearly jumped excitedly and went back to the kitchen. To the girl… this was actually really weird. You didn’t know who she was, you didn’t know that she was Jenna Ortega and that she was a famous actress and that she was your soulmate. You didn’t know that she had the same mark as you and that it was leaked in her new upcoming movie’s trailer.

She wanted to get to know you.

Soon enough you were back at her table, a piece of cake in a plate and the whole dish itself looked amazing. It was perfectly done, perfectly decorated… and she knew that it would taste just the same. Perfect.

And it did, it was perfect. You sat on the chair directly in front of her, watching for any sign of a reaction. The girl let out a grunt/moan of pleasure, and you couldn’t help the smile that forced its way on your mouth. “How is it?” No reply came out of her yet, but she took another bite. “God, this is amazing” she said and kept on eating it “what are the ingredients?” She asked and you smiled “it’s a vegan cake actually. I’ve had people ask me some but I’ve never tried anything, until now.” You said and watched as she went wide eyed “you’re telling me that this is not actually made out of milk and stuff?” She watched as you nodded “damn. You must be a really good chef” she said and smiled “thank you thank you. I uhm… I Don’t think I caught your name?” You said smiling.

“I’m Jenna” she said and held out her hand. “Well nice to meet you Jenna, I’m (Y/N)”

That, is how you met your mother- no wait. That is how you met your soulmate. Only… you didn’t know it was her. The more time passed, the more you two got to know each other and let me tell you, there was a connection that both of you felt immediately. You were just so at ease with each other, you made each other feel safe and happy and it was by far the best you’ve felt after your parents’s death. You had learned about her that she was an actress, that she had a new movie coming out soon and that she was now having a break, just being with her family and making time to relax, coming to your bakery especially at closing time and you let her. You knew how hard it must be being famous, if she ever came during the day she would be surrounded by fans so you let her come past closing time, you closed the shop and let her stay in so she could relax and try your new recipes.

It had now been a couple months and On this other day you had closed the shop, waiting for Jenna as you sat down at her usual table, managing the bills while a new recipe was cooking in the oven when you heard a knock on the door. You smiled brightly when you saw Jenna, unlocking the door to let her inside. She immediately smelled around before sitting down where you were just sitting. “Making me something new?” She asked and you smiled, nodding. “Yep! You seem like the cinnamon kind of girl so I’m making something cinnamon based” you said as you made your way to the kitchen, where a sweet cinnamon cake had just finished getting ready. “You know me well” she giggled and sat down, soon you brought her the sweet before sitting back down in front of her, eyes on the bills again.

“Managing bills?” She asked as she saw you nod and sigh, hands in your hair. “Yeah. I’m not really good at this stuff. It takes me hours and I’m glad I have company now” you said and tapped your pen on the table “don’t you have anyone to help you? Parents, friends, soulmate…” she said as she looked at you “well,” you sighed “parents are dead and I inherited this shop, friends I don’t really have any and soulmate… unknown” you shrugged “soulmate marks usually have a meaning in your life, but what does a piece of braided hair mean? I’ve never even braided my hair!” You chuckled at yourself before going back on your bills. “Random question uh, you remember that I told you I have a movie coming out?” You nodded at her. It was the movie where her mark was leaked, the same mark you had on your collarbone and that you didn’t know she had.

“Do you want to come with me to the premiere?”

———

Unlike your expectations you agreed. You were going to a Movie premiere, Jenna’s new movie. You didn’t usually get out of your eyes if not to go open your shop, you didn’t go to the movies as you had no one to go with but now you had her… and it wasn’t just a movie night… it was a freaking premiere. That day Jenna had her stylists and after you were given your dress for the night, make up artists started working on you, and you noticed that the first thing they did was use a really dense and strong foundation to cover your mark. “Why are you covering it?” You asked, looking at the woman holding the sponge. “Trust me, you don’t want anyone to see it” you didn’t know why that would be a problem, so you decided to stay quiet and not argue back. It took them A LOT both to cover the mark and actually apply normal make up, you had a very light skin color so it was hard finding a foundation color that even matched your skin.

When you were all ready and you got out of your apartment, you found a car that was already waiting for you, you were confused at first, but then you remembered Jenna telling you that she would come pick you up, so you quickly got in the car, where you saw her already smiling at you. Your Jaw nearly dropped seeing how pretty she looked, and you could see a small blush forming on her cheeks “you look… gorgeous” you said and took in her appearance and she giggled, gently punching your shoulder “shut up, have you seen yourself?” She said, making you blush “yeah I know I’m very pretty” you smiled and soon enough you had arrived at the premiere. You were about to get off the car when Jenna stopped you. “Wait, did the make up artists cover your mark?” She asked slightly moving your dress away from your shoulder so she could see if it was covered.

“Yeah yeah, they covered it, why is it so important?” Jenna wanted to reply, and you saw her hesitate, her mouth opening and closing continuously before she eventually sighed and shook her head. “Nothing, you’ll see later” you nodded in confusion and got off the car with her, flashes and cameras immediately pointed at the both of you as pictures were being taken. Surprisingly enough, you didn’t mind all this attention. You knew that this would be a great occasion to sponsor your bakery, even though it was already known pretty well. A few of the actors recognized you from your shop and form the TV spot and instagram posts about your bakery, you were more than happy to hear their opinion on your shop and you politely invited them to come over some times to try your specialties for a lower price. You were thriving anyway, so a lower price would mean nothing.

After Jenna was taken A LOT of pictures, it was finally time for you to get into the theatre and actually watch the movie. It started off amazing, Jenna’s acting was fantastic and you were stunned by both her beauty and how good she was at acting. She often turned around to see you with your jaw dropped open at her job, or maybe at how pretty she looked, or maybe both?

However, at one particular point of the movie, Jenna pur her hand on your arm, her eyes not trailing away from the screen. “Here it comes, look look” she said, it was the scene where her soulmate mark was getting revealed. A piece of braided hair on her right collarbone… same as you. As soon as it was revealed, she looked at you, only to see you… asleep. You had fallen asleep, and Jenna didn’t know how to react. You didn’t see her mark, you didn’t know she was your soulmate.

Jenna woke you up at the end of the movie, she didn’t speak a word to you if not just to tell you “we’re leaving” and “get in the car.” Admit it, you were kinda scared and felt like you were a kid who had just gotten in trouble and waiting for your mother to scold you. You didn’t know where you were going but you assumed you were going back to her apartment when she took out the keys to it from her purse. “Jenna, will you tell me what’s going on?” You asked her for the thousand time in 15 minutes. “Will you be quiet for just a minute?” Jenna asked, she was mad, but still being polite. “Are you seriously mad because I fell asleep? Jeez, I was exhausted! It’s not like I decided to fall asleep” you chuckled and didn’t even realize that you had gotten into her apartment.

You tried to complain yet once more after she didn’t give you a reply, but suddenly you were in her arms and you felt her lips on yours, it was all so sudden, so fast. You liked her that way, you really did but she never gave you any sign of liking you back… well, until now. “Jen-“ you said in between kisses, your hands on her waist and you didn’t know if you should bring her closer or push her away, ask her for some kind of explanation. You had questions, you really did and that’s why you pushed her away. “Jen, what’s the meaning of this?” You asked, you were still relatively close and the smell of her perfume was filling your nostrils, “(Y/N)… you’re my soulmate” she nearly whispered, and you looked at her in confusion. “What? But in the movie you had another mark-“ “the movie, (Y/N)” she interrupted you “there was a scene that you didn’t see, because you had fallen asleep, where my real mark was revealed”

You were even more confused now, your thoughts weren’t making any sense, and the only wan that had some was “show me” you said, in a few seconds Jenna took your hand and brought you to her bathroom, she took some lotion and wipes and cleaned the make up away from her collarbone, a piece of braided hair appearing as a soulmate mark. You were shocked, you were processing too many things at once and you were confused, considering that you had woken up not too long before.

“You’re my-“ you gulped. “I’m your…” Jenna giggled and you furrowed your brows. “Yes, we are soulmates” you took a few more seconds to process the new pieve of information, but when you did you walked closer to her, brought her close to you from her hips and pressed your lips against hers, and you felt a really satisfying cry come out from her. You were finally hers… she was finally yours. Nothing else mattered now, just the two of you.

You wished that the kiss could last forever, but eventually air was needed and you pulled away, being just a few inches away from each other you just smiled lovingly. “Why a piece of braided hair, tho?” You asked, your hand gently caressing her cheek. “I didn’t know until a few days before I met you… I got a new role, for a Netflix show” she whispered and looked at you. “And what is it?” You asked her.

“Wednesday Addams”

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pigeocore · 4 months ago

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Are we fucking with Dethklok mom headcannons? Idk I have some very specific thoughts about Murderface and Toki's moms. More very long but fun info under the cut

Tammy was born and grew up in the same trailer park that her son would ultimatly inhabit. She was a louzy student, didn't care about grades, loved skipping school and there wasn't a single class she didn't spend chatting with the other girls. No suprise that she ultimatly dropped out of high school. For a while she worked odd jobs to justify Stella not kicking her out of the trailer up until she was a young adult. That's when she found her new purpouse: to become a star. She moved to the big city with big hopes and dreams, sighned up to every audition possible for pretty much everything, ready to take the hearts of Americans by storm. Anyway she quit that two months in because it was too much work and got hired as a waitress instead.

Murderface's dad, who I don't feel like giving a name to, was a regular at a diner that Tammy woked at. He was a middle class guy, a few years older than her with a relativly good job and a wife. He saw something in her and soon enough, Tammy became the other woman in his relationship. Although their affair wasn't strictly limited to intercourse, anything other than that was rather messy and the two were constaly on again and off again. That is until Tammy got pregnant and in a suprising decision, Murderface's dad decided to step up. He divorced his previous wife and married her instead, turning her from a poor waitress to a full-on picket fence housewife, something that he'd come to quickly regret. Their relationship started falling apart pretty much immidietly. When they weren't having screaming maches or mediocre sex, they didn't talk at all. He'd spend the whole day working or sitting in front of the TV drinking and she'd tend to the house. This tension was what would ultimatly lead him to commit the infamous murder-suicide.

Now, Tammy was not good at her job. In fact, she kinda sucked. Her cooking was terrible, she'd constantly half-ass any task she was given and would not take any criticism. Still, it was at least good enough to not make the house explode. Her not being nor striving to be the picture-perfect housewife was what ended up alienating her from a lot of other women around her. Still, she didn't care about fitting in with those girls, she saw the as "pompous bitches" and continued doing her thing

A lot of that attitude also carried over to her parenting. She was very irresponsible, although most of her behaviour stemed from lack of knowlage rather than anything purpouseful. Tammy was totally the kind of mom to leave her baby alone in the car while she went shopping or let it crawl around the house unsupervised. Once again, she would not take ANY criticism about her parenting techniques. Still, she did geniuanly love Willy a lot for what it was worth. Her son ment the world to her and god forbid anyone call him ugly. Whenever her husband, who unlike her had a lot of distaste for their baby, tried to say anything on the matter she'd fight him until the neighbours were calling the cops due to noise complains

She also had a bit of a morbid side to her. She loved violent movies and would sneak into grindhouse theaters on occassions, especially when she was younger. Truly a shame she died before Texas Chainsaw Massacre came out. She would've been ecstatic to hear her son joined a death metal band, although I don't think she would've supported all of his shenanigans.

Also she looks like Murderface because I think it would be really funny if he just looked like every woman in his family lol

Anna, nicknamed Andzia by her family was born in the polish region of lubelszczyzna in a fictional village of Jagiellonki Książęce Kościelne trzecie A-Kolonia. It was the kind of village where there was nothing except a church, roadside shrine and a few homes. Her family were farmers, she spend a good chunk of her childhood picking fruits and tending to farm animals.

In school, she was considered an excellent student, both due to her behaviour and preformance. She was very quiet and well behaved, always stuck in her own little world and never getting in any trouble. She also had really good grades. Andzia especially excelled at language learning, something that'd come to be very useful for her in the future. She wasn't very interested in persuing an academic career though and cared more about other stuff, including helping her parents around the farm

Another thing she cared about very deeply was her religion. She went to mass every sunday, pray every day before going to bed, took part in every possible church activity and even sung in the church choir. She was proud of being a christian, always looking for ways to become even more devoted. However, she wasn't always the nicest about her belifs and tended to secretly judge other christians who did less than her

Andzia met her future husband through complete coincidence. They both happend to be on seprate pilgrimages to the same holy site, it was tradition in Aslaug's cult that before taking the role of the reverend the man must go on a spiritual journey for one last time. The two just kinda bumped into eachoter and ended up clicking. Andzia saw Aslung's belifs as a way for her to become an even better christian and Aslaug saw her as a good fit for a wife. She stayed with him after her group departed from the site and within a month, the two were engaged and organizing a way for her to leave Poland. Andzia came to Norway and officially joined the cult through marrige a few months later, something that would've probably happend sooner if leaving Poland through less legal means at the time was a bit easier. She took the name Anja Wartooth in order to assimilate better into her new Norwegian family. Toki was born a year later

I know a lot of people like to headcannon Anja as a victim of abuse in the same way that Toki was, but I personally see her as someone who was very much complicit in her son's treatment. Although I don't think Aslaug was the best husband to her, she still treated Toki just as badly as he did and though she now thinks she may have sometimes went bit too far, she doesn't really see herself as in the wrong

Overall her and Toki's relationship is not good. TLDR: She always saw him as a dissapointment and if she could, she would've had other kids to replace him with (Unfortunatly she and her husband didn't have any luck conceving again, which they blamed on Toki too for some reason). He on the other hand really wants to love her but can't help but rightfully feel resentful and hate her for all she did to him

Despite that, Anja cared enough for her son to teach him a bit of polish and some facts about their culture. Toki then continued learning from the polish books she brought with her from back home (He didn't have much to do inbetween work, praying and punishments) and actually ended up being almost fluent in it at some point. Currently he has gone rusty but still knows enough to read some signs and order some beer at the bar, which was enough to impress the band at their first international tour

One last fun fact: As you can guess, Aslaug's cult dennounced the pope which was really hard on Anja because like every polish person at the time she fucking loved John Paul II. He was her secret true love/celebrity crush, despite everything she secretly kept a picture of him in her room. When she discovered he died somewhere during the events of Dethfam she was DEVISTATED. Toki on the other hand is a rzułta morda meme connosiour.

#metalocalypse #mtl #mtl fanart #anja wartooth #Toki wartooth #William Murderface #dethklok #Can you tell my headcannons about Toki being half polish are self-indulgent? Good #My art #Michael art

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gallusrostromegalus · 1 year ago

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Your line about Unohana's smallpox scars made me wonder: are there any soul reapers that can remember when they were alive? (If they were alive? I'm not sure if all souls originate in the world of the living)

All souls are "born" in the Living World and eventually move to Spirit World (if they don't go directly to Hell). The majority of souls in the afterlife do not remember their previous lives, but a significant portion do.

Souls Born in Soul Society:

Children and babies that die in utero or before they can reliably recognize their names, very old people that have lost most of their memory and people who suffered catastrophic memory loss while alive move to to Spirit World and become the souls of babies gestating in mothers there. Souls that are Born in spirit world do not remember their previous lives because there isn't much, if anything to remember.

Sometimes very young children and babies will appear in the queue to the afterlife, and in AEIWAM, the 7th Division manages incoming souls and takes care to place any children that come through the queue in SOME kind of care in the area their soul was assigned to. This is a recent development under Captain Komamura, but something the 7th has been wanting to do since it's inception. It's only recently that technology and staffing has been able to allow it. The majority of souls in Soul Society, and by extension, in the Gotei-13, were born in soul society.

Even though they have no memories, sometimes things will come through- people born in soul society are much more likely to have birthmarks. While the superstition is that if you're born with one, it relates to how you died, there's no evidence that so-called "marks of the previous life" are from death specifically. There's also no evidence that they're not :)

Characters that were Born in Spirit World with Marks Of The Previous Life:

Izuru: Born with two red dots about an inch apart on his ankle

Byakuya: One absolutely perfect beauty mark smack in the middle of his left asscheek

Shuuhei: Smattering of thick, raised skin patches across his upper back.

Ukitake: hard to see because he's so careful to avoid the sun but there's a couple patches on his abdomen and thigh that are totally devoid of pigment and never tan

Shunsui: Partially developed third nipple in his right armpit

Soi Fon: weird tooth growing out of the roof of her mouth.

Komamura: the paw-pads on his left foot are pink.

Aizen: Born with partially webbed toes.

Yumichika: The Beauty mark on his cheek is painted on. The one on his dick is not, much to his chagrin.

Yachiru: changed her origin story to HURT :), no birthmark but when her teeth came in, her adult right canine came in and the baby canine is just. Missing.

Urahara: patch of something that looks like freckles, but bright red, on his throat. Only shows up if he's been doing cardio.

Yoruichi: small, diamond-shaped white patch of skin over the lower part of her sternum.

Souls That Forget:

Souls over the age of about 3 will (barring something bizarre happening) reincarnate in the afterlife at the developmental age they dies at, and stand a 50/50 chance of forgetting their previous lives entirely. *Why* is unclear to the shinigami (it's a side-effect of the wheel being jammed), but the effect seems to be slightly more likely if the soul died a particularly violent death.

The loss occurs when the soul steps through the door out of the Queue and into spirit world. This sudden loss and confusion is part of the reason it's so important for Shingami to escort incoming souls to their destination in spirit world, any why Ryoka (AKA, souls that somehow got out of the queue and into Soul Society without checking in with the Shinigami) tend to be chaotic little bastards.

Souls that forget their previous lives upon stepping through the gate usually retain muscle memory, learned skills and a handful of details- the name they answer to, how old they were when they died, and sometimes they remember what they died of. Souls who do forget often tend to be emotionally ambivalent about it- on the one hand, not knowing who you are or where you came from kind of sucks, but after seeing their friends who remember wracked by grief or traumatized by a violent end, it can also feel like a strange blessing or a fresh start. Characters who were reincarnated at the age they died, but do not remember their previous lives:

Unohana: Does not remember her name, did remember a lot of slikks relating to ritual purification and swordsmanship

Hitsugaya: Sole memory of standing in a blizzard/thunderstorm as a small child

Tousen: Only his given name, and the feeling he was killed by a lightning strike.

Matsumoto: Given Name, no-context memories of a pet cat

Shinji: Does not remember his name, remembers a weird number of folk songs and a really good fish recipe though

Ikkaku: Remembers fuck-all. His sister DOES remember him and that's a fun chapter in the drafts

Souls That Remember:

Souls that do reincarnate and remember their previous lives remember varying amounts- Some people can recall previous lives with incredible detail, some people have only a very vague or uncertain recollection, others have very clear but context-less memories that they know came from a previous life but little more than that.

Just like people who forget, people who remember have mixed opinions- Some find it a burden to have memories of a family lost, some are really glad they still remember their loved ones, but the majority are a combination of nostalgic and wistful about their previous lives.

Characters who reincarnated and remember at least some of their previous lives:

Yamamoto: Died at about age 10, but remembers every detail. Died of Being Next To A Volcano When It Exploded.

Tama: Her memory bordering on eidetic, including her cause of death (bad)

Momo: Has many memories but not context. Remembers another little girl (sister?), and living out on a farm with a goat.

Rukia: She was very young, but does have a handful of distinct memories of her previous life, including Hisana making stupid faces at her to make her laugh.

Hisana: Recalls her previous life almost entirely. She and Rukia barely escaped a house fire only to die of hypothermia.

Hollows:

Nearly all lesser hollows remember their previous lives, and what caused their soul chain to rot, but once a hollow is consumed by another hollow, or becomes part of a Menos Grande, they lose all but a few memories, and those tend to be vauge and distorted. By the time a hollow becomes a Vasto Lorde, it's been torn apart and absorbed so many new soul fragments that it can't really be called the same soul at all. If there are Souls that are "born" outside of the living world, it's hollows like that. A Few Notable Exceptions:

Coyote Starrk and Lilynette Gingerbuck: They were a Genus Loci (the spirit of a place) that died in a calamity, but since a Genus Loci is functionally a Kami, when they hollowfied and re-appeared in Hueco Mundo, they started out at Vasto Lorde Class hollows. They divided into the 'two' souls they are now out of sheer loneliness and because the memory of the calamity was so awful they hoped they would forget. It sort of worked- Both of them only half-remember who and what they are.

Nnoitra Gilga: A singularly single-minded individual, Nnoitra forgot almost everything including his Name but not what caused him to become a hollow in the first place. He doesn't exactly have context for those memories until about half an hour before he dies, but he also doesn't care- he's always been a man to tell himself whatever story suits his needs.

Wonderweiss: Wiess was a soul that absolutely should not have been able to hollowfy but did so because a Divine Power fucked up to a SPECTACULAR degree, and like Coyote and Gingerbuck, started out as a vasto-lorde class hollow. He does sort-of forget who he is for a while thanks to Aizen's Meddling, and while he has the facts of who he is, nobody quite makes the full connection to WHO he is until about halfway through Act 2.

Weirdos:

SOME PEOPLE manage to enter the spirit world in completely ass-backwards and stupid ways, and sometimes this effects their memories:

Ichimaru Gin: Probably has the MOST understanding of what's going on of anyone in the series but unfortunately, he's fucking stupid.

Mimihagi: The Second-most-informed person in the series, but turns out getting dismembered, undergoing a catastrophic database error and surviving as a fragment of your previous self does a number on your ability to remember anything with any clarity.

Zaraki Kenpachi: Developed a soul in the living world when he wasn't really supposed to, reincarnated in a place he should not have been able to, got thrown out and survived a fall that should have killed him, was raised by a being that normally would have eaten him, and has generally been Why-Are-You-Not-Dead-ing his way through his existence.

Quincy:

If, How much, What Version and The Actual Veracity of what any Quincy in the Wandenreich remembers about their previous lives is ENTIRELY determined by Yhwach and what suits his needs :)

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #Bleach #Bleach fanfic #On memory #long post

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kakujis · 1 year ago

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𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓… ☽

baji vers | geto vers

synopsis: unbeknownst to you, the grave you visit everyday has been empty for years. keisuke is finally ready to come see you again.

warnings: gn!reader, vampire!baji, character death, devotion, grief and dealing with it, slightly angsty but also fluffy, pet names (baby, kitten), swearing, a little selfship coded, NOT PROOFREAD!, SFW feel free to interact but pls remember i'm an 18+ blog!

ft: vampire!baji x reader, 2.4k

network: @enchantedforest-network

an: here's baji's version!! actually, this one was supposed to come AFTER suguru's but... erm... hehe. it also was supposed to be spookier, but i am nothing but a big ole softy for my loverboy. ): happy halloween! i wanted to post it on his birfday, but i think this is more fitting! could've been longer but i just wanted to get something out LOL. thanks to nie for letting me ramble about this lil fic!!

life is such a finicky thing. and sometimes, the time ticks by too slowly for your liking until it’s suddenly too fast, too short, too soon.

you’ve been to this grave a hundred - no maybe thousands of times, over the years. and yet, like the snowfall, your tears slip down your cheeks, hugging the warmth of your body, til they fall onto the ground disappearing into the asphalt.

chifuyu matsuno thinks one day, he’ll beat you to it. one day he’ll be the one who arrives first, turning around with a smile and holding a bag of peyoung yakisoba. it’ll be his eyes rimmed red with hands trembling so hard that he’s sure they’ll snap. but you are always here first, almost every day for the past god knows how many years.

every aspect of the word “first”, is what keisuke baji had embodied. first division captain, first born son, and your first love. he was rowdy, rough, sometimes a little insensitive, but at the end of it all, he was loyal. he was yours.

“if i’m yours, then you’re mine.” he grinned, toothy, vibrant and all encompassing. his hands held yours like they were the world, and maybe, in a sense, they were. but even the world cannot last forever, the stars themselves bursting at the seams when their time has come.

“they’re so pretty.” you told him, leaning against his shoulder, pointing up with your index finger. “don’tcha think?”

“they’re alright,” he mumbled, but he kept his eyes upward, staring at the same stars as you. “i'd rather look at you.”

“you’re so fucking cheesy.” you laughed, before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek.

when stars die, they leave a beautiful supernova, an explosion of color across the galaxy, painting the universe in rich hues of color. but when baji died, you thought it was so fucking ugly. you remember throwing up the first night, your own shitty constellation within the porcelain of your toilet.

then the world started to dim, like the world was dipped in muted shades when there used to be so much vibrance. the sun was no longer as bright and you no longer sought comfort under the moon, hiding away from even her blue light.

if there is solace in one thing, it’s that baji was a really good liar. sure, he was different that day and sometimes had trouble looking at you, but there was nothing to suspect that he would decide to plunge in that knife and bleed out on the ground of that god forsaken junkyard.

“i’m scared you’ll go away,” you told him one night, so desperately wishing now that you would’ve noticed the way he tensed ever so slightly. “like, one day, i’ll wake up and you’re not there anymore.”

you remember how he leaned in, nose brushing against yours before pulling back slightly. “and where would i go that doesn’t have you in it?” he grinned, another bright fanged smile that eased every single worry out of your brain. and you decided in that moment, that keisuke was always going to be the one that held your heart in his hands.

“marry me one day.” you replied and he laughed, before holding up his pinky to yours. “good. saying no wasn’t an option.”

“figured.”

but today is not a day to be caught in memories as the sun plummets below the horizon, as the sky shifts from a pretty magenta pink to inky black. feet bouncing off the pavement, you scurry over to his grave. you chastise yourself for being late today of all days, it was his birthday.

“sorry!” you call out as you finally make it, hands on your knees as you suck precious air back into your lungs. “sorry i’m late, kei.”

you do the usual of pouring water onto the tombstone, before you light a candle and spread the blanket beneath you, sitting cross-legged as you pull out the contents of your bag. “i got a little something extra today,” you say, eagerly pulling out the sealed little slice of cake you got at the bakery. “okay… so it looks a little fucked, but don’t mind that.” you giggle, before sighing.

“if you were here… what would you say?” you mumble to yourself, before putting on your best keisuke voice. “hah? it’s still edible isn’t it?... or something.” you nod as if in response to him, before tearing it open and setting it down. “chifuyu saw you earlier right? did he bring you something good? oh! and, i was looking at some of the cats at the pet shop earlier, they’re no peke j but, they’re still cute, y’know?”

you always do this. you ramble and ramble, relaying your day to him as if he’s listening intently to you. sometimes, you’ll imagine when the two of you sat in his room, his lips quirked up into a smile as he nodded and listened to you.

“the cake is good!” you exclaim, taking a bite. it’s fluffy, creamy, and sweet, it almost masks the saltiness of your tears that seep past your lips, onto your tongue and settle on your buds.

almost.

“fuck- sorry. sorry for crying.” you use one hand to wipe away at your tears, the other holding onto your convenient plastic fork. it’s harder to breathe now, sobs wracking your body as your mind floods with “what ifs” once again. what if you had asked him to stay with you that day? what if you tried harder? what if you had noticed something was wrong sooner? could you have done anything? and what if-

lost in your thoughts you almost miss the familiar drawl that used to set your heart and soul on fire. “still a crybaby, eh?”

you freeze, the fall breeze caressing your cheek as you sniffle and ever so slowly, turn. you must have been hearing things, you think, as there’s nothing there but the other stone graves and the leaves on the wind.

“maybe i am losing my fucking mind...” you mutter, taking a deep breath to calm yourself, “i should look into therapy.”

you shake your head, a little spooked. it’s getting later by the moment, the only light nearby being the candle, a warm-orange flame surrounded by night. you lean over to blow it out, but stop, feeling that you should stay a bit longer. not only are you late, but it’s keisuke’s day, it wouldn’t be right to leave so soon. you frown, before settling back in place.

“anyways, what was i saying?” you hum, taking another scoop of your dessert. “something-“

“something about the new cats at chifuyu’s shop right?” that familiar voice sounds again, closer this time, tickling the shell of your ear.

you immediately jerk around and almost pass out at what you see. crouched down and smiling, that familiar wolfy grin is keisuke, looking just like you remembered. from the way his long, inky hair frames his face to the vivid carmine of his eyes, it’s keisuke.

“hey, continue the story baby, i was listening.” he gestures to the cake on your fork, slipping off the utensil from the shakiness of your hands. “lemme have a bite?”

you’re snapped from your stupor when he finally touches you, cold fingers lightly guiding your hand upward towards his mouth. you immediately scramble back, the cake falling onto the blanket below.

“kitten,” he says, frowning at the mess, “y’know i hate wasting food.” the pet name almost sends you into a spiral, the way it falls off his tongue so easily, just like he always used to say it, almost like it was your name at times.

“you’re not real.” you whisper, shaking your head slightly, the words trapped behind the door of your brain unleashing in that moment. “i’m hallucinating. i have to be.”

he inches towards you as you continue to crawl back, back hitting the cold gray stone. keisuke leans in, snuffing out the candle between his fingers first before redirecting his attention to you. he’s so close you’re sure he can feel your breath, but the odd thing is, you can’t feel his.

“if i wasn’t real…” he starts, inching in so close your noses just barely touch, just a hair widths away, “could i do this?” he kisses you then, just barely holding back his deep fervent need to snatch you up and take you home. wherever that was.

it’s strange, baji’s cold, nearly ice, and yet you feel the familiar rush of warmth through your veins that once bloomed so deeply in your heart, that everything suddenly does feel real. the two of you stay like that for a few moments and when he pulls away you lean in again, snatching him by the collar to press another kiss to the lips that you missed so much.

baji’s wolfish grin plays on his face in between the kisses you continue to plant against his lips and his skin, alternating between his cheeks and jawline. “yeah, yeah, i missed you too, you big crybaby.” he laughs, cupping your face to swipe at the tears that fall freely once again.

you whine when he forces you to pull off, bringing your hands up to his, almost as if you’re sure he’ll run off again and be gone by morning. “you’re really keisuke? …this isn’t a joke?” you shake your head as you ask, hiccuping and trying your best to heave in gulps of air.

“yeah, it’s me.” he answers, the crinkle of his eyes never leaving.

but you just don’t get it. how is baji here and not well, six-feet under? almost as if he can read your mind he speaks, “i’m not really sure how it happened either.” he starts, releasing you and staring down at his palms, opening and closing them, almost as if he’s also in a daze. “i shouldn’t be here, i know that. i made sure i wouldn’t and yet, i woke up not too long after that day.” he lifts his shirt up and you wince in anticipation, but there’s nothing where the old stab wound should be, like it never happened.

hesitantly, you place your hand flat against the area, before your fingertips trace the outline where it should be. you exhale deeply before speaking again, “how come you only showed up now?”

he gives you a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck, as the hem of his shirt falls back into place. “well… i had to sort of figure things out. dunno how well received i would’ve been if i just showed up after my own funeral.” he jokes, but you glare at him.

“do you have any idea at all how badly that fucked me up?” you ask, remembering the countless nights you spent staring up at your bedroom walls so utterly exhausted from crying or the days you spend in a haze, trying your best to get through the day. you won’t lie, you’ve been so angry since that day. endlessly lonely, endlessly empty, and just when you thought you’d be able to get over it, he shows up like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“well, i watched you a lot.” he admits, gazing around the cemetery. “you come here every single day, you cry every single time, even when you say you’re not going to. you’ve cursed me out in death more times than i can count and i think you’ve tried every single type of peyoung soba. you, chifuyu, and kazutora have only come here together a handful of times and everytime one of you ends up drunk crying.” he snorts, before continuing, “you sleep with my hair ties under your pillow and almost had the balls to ask my mom for my toman jacket, multiple times.she would’ve said yeah, by the way. every evening you say goodnight to me and that you love me.”

he grins when you sit there, mouth agape, and asks, “did i miss anythin’?”

you shake your head, “but what now? i still don’t get why you came here today?”

he shrugs, “i’ve got a question for ya.” but his expression is serious now, the shift in his features making you nervously fidget with your hands. but before you can look away, he tilts your head towards him, the other hand intertwining with yours, locking you in place. “you still wanna be with me forever?”

your heart pounds in your chest, almost alarmingly so, as you gaze at him with lidded eyes while your voice is light, fluttering back up to him and relaying the answer he’s been waiting to hear. “of course, keisuke.”

“and you’d do anything? …let me do anything?” he questions further, squeezing when you nod your head.

you’d let me turn you?

and you’re aware now, what it is he’s asking. and maybe, you think it’s because you centered so much of you life around him, that leaving it behind doesn’t sound too bad. if you were the clouds, then baji was the sky, always trying to stay in that space so intrinsically bound to one another that only death could have separated you.

he never said the word, but he didn’t really need to. what was the one thing that could have escaped death like this? what else was he but a vampire?

“okay,” he sighs, “if you’re sure.”

“more than ever.” you state.

keisuke is fast, picking you up and into his arms. naturally, you wrap yours around his neck, a part of you still thinking that this must be a dream.

“well, there’s no way we’re gonna do it in some freakin’ cemetery.” he jokes and you giggle. if his heart could beat, he’s sure it’d flutter just as fast as yours.

“hey are you gonna turn chifuyu?” you ask, blinking up at him, “or tora?”

“you think they’d wanna hang out with us? for eternity?” he asks, picking up the pace as he walks.

“hmm, maybe you’re right. besides, takemichi’s gonna miss them too much right?” you continue, the breeze kissing your now dried cheeks.

“don’t forget mikey.” he adds, before continuing, “well, it’s not like we can’t visit sometime.”

you nod, placing your head on his shoulder, “not too soon though, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

he smiles at you as he answers, “don’t worry. we’ve got all the time in the world.”

as the two of you leave, you peek back towards the lights of the city, becoming smaller and smaller with each step. and you wonder how upset chifuyu’ll be tomorrow when he finds your half-eaten cake, spread out on an already forgotten blanket.

#tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokrev fluff #tokyo revengers fluff #baji keisuke x reader #baji keisuke x you #baji keisuke fluff #tokyo revengers x y/n #ermm #pibby writing #i hope this is good i didnt proofread LOL

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