#went down the rabbit hole of watching all of them and now here i am T-T

[whoopsyeahokay]

Wreck It Like A Rumor

summary: prompt fill. Wally saves you from a joke gone terribly wrong the night of the Homecoming dance. what unfolds after is a friendship you desperately cling to as you try to survive the rest of term... what you don't know is that Wally Clark is deader than a doornail until you learn it the hard way. (request)

pairing: Wally Clark x fem!reader

warnings: smut lite. AU - canon divergence. CWC (canon what canon). single mention of a mental health slur. attempted assault. protective behavior. angsty themes. hurt/comfort. bullying. HEA.

note: author hasn't watched S2. all knowledge of new content comes exclusively from GIFs on this platform. (i got tired of filtering Wally content. he's my babe. i am weak.)

bon reading, frens

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Wreck It Like A Rumor

They disguised themselves as friends.

You should've known when the one person out of the group you considered a sister—the girl you'd glommed onto in elementary, who'd been by your side through every shitty thing that'd unraveled your life at the time. You know, your real friend—started acting shifty.

Eyes down, nervous laugh, not giving you a straight answer when you asked her if she was okay.

"Help! Anyone, please! Let me out of here!"

You pound your fist against the door, tears streaming down your face. Mascara smudged, nail polish chipped, kicking and banging and screaming until your skin is red and blotchy.

It's Homecoming. You never went to the dances, tend to avoid a lot of high school social events like the plague since everyone in your grade (and others) treats you as if you're contagious.

But it's junior year, and your best friend begged you to join her as her ride or die since she wasn't super comfortable with her new group of friends yet.

You threw caution to the wind and said yes.

For Oli. Olivia Hazelwood. The awkward daughter of Split River's old-money elite couple, Henry and Marion Hazelwood. You and Oli were awkward together. Outsiders who found a home in each other. You shared everything with her and thought she did the same, but now you question how true that was.

Because, along with her new friends—who she insisted were your new friends, too—she'd locked you in the secret fallout shelter in the school basement.

Cruelty packaged as a practical joke.

You heard Travis cackle to the others before calling through the door, "Get comfortable, it'll be a while 'til the janitor comes to get you!"

It's fucking Friday. You don't know Mr. South's schedule—hell, you don't know if he even knows about the fallout shelter—but you assume he won't be back until Monday like the rest of the staff.

Someone will do a walk-through, you tell yourself, gasping for air as you pace around the space. It's dark, the only light coming from the weird dashboard on the clunky equipment lining one wall.

How Travis and the others found out about the fallout shelter isn't a mystery. You told them, stupidly, when you were trying to bond with Elitzia and Marybelle. Split River trivia you'd collected through hyperfixation research. Hours spent diving down rabbit holes after binging Fallout with Oli over a weekend.

Nuclear winter. Chernobyl. Bunkers. The Cold War.

God, why'd you say anything? Should've kept your mouth shut. Should've known that Travis and his friends weren't actually trying to buddy up, because you're still the school pariah.

After all, you gave Jake Tremblay crabs after you rejected him in 9th. You were a homewrecker and forced yourself on Matt Wilson when his girlfriend caught him shoving his unwanted hand up your skirt. You told Claire Zomer last year that you liked to wear diapers and be bottle-fed like a baby as a result of neglectful parents after you refused to do her English homework.

The mill churned out rumor after rumor, and though you tried to fight it at first, it became too much. Like squashing an ant hill. You stopped, people lost interest when you didn't react, but those rumors still circulate.

Sometimes, new ones join the rotation depending on who you piss off just trying to make it to the last bell.

Oli was the only person who stood by you until Elitzia extended her friendship.

Now you're alone. Stuck in the creepy fallout shelter in the dark. Suffocating on shadows as you double back to the door and start banging your palms against it again. Oli knows you're claustrophobic. She was there when you trusted Sarah Thompson in 5th Grade and climbed into her toy chest.

What is so other about you that makes people hate you so much?

You gulp in harsh breaths, sobbing out exhales, losing energy quickly as you smack and bang the door. You can't hear the music, but you know it's still loud, the dance in full swing two floors above.

"Please," You cough, shaking, "Please, let me out..."

‗•‗

Wally sighs. Tonight's been one giant letdown. He doesn't know why he got his hopes up, especially since it's been obvious from the get-go that Maddie isn't ready for the things Wally wants to try with her. Romance. Dates. Hand-holding and affection and inside jokes.

He understands. Of course he does. Maddie's new-dead. She was murdered. She and her best (and very alive) friend are trying to solve the case, to help her remember so she can find closure or whatever.

Why would she want to take a break from that and hang out at a dumb dance with Wally? Who's been trapped in limbo for the last forty years; same four walls, same seven faces to interact with. Same. Same. Same. Same. Fuck.

It's fine. It's totally fine.

As he lies on the grass, staring up at the stars, the quiet outside giving him space to sulk, he hears it. Bang. Help! Bang bang bang. Please!

It's faint, no louder than a breeze, but consistent. Wally gets to his feet and tries to follow the sound. Back into the school, down the steps, along the first-floor hallway to the basement door. It muffles for a moment when he goes the wrong way, toward the janitor's office, so he backtracks and hurries deeper into the bowels of the school.

Despite having the run of the place, no holds barred, he hasn't been this way before. Never saw a reason to go to the boiler room, not even after Maddie took a seat at the Afterlife Support Group.

The sound loudens, banging and muted pleading, someone clearly in distress. Wally slows his steps as he nears a door he's never seen before. It's old, white paint peeling, made of metal. It shakes when whoever's behind it starts slamming their fists again. Renewed vigor, higher-pitched agony, "Please!! Anyone!!?"

Wally scans the outside of the door for a latch or handle and notices the deadbolts attached to the top and bottom of the doorframe. Quickly, he undoes them and yanks the door open, stumbling back when a figure slumps out.

Small. Trembling. A girl whose makeup is stained with tearstreaks and whose eyes are bloodshot, her skin pale from fright. She's breathing heavy, sniffling, rubbing the back of her wrist under her nose as she gradually calms.

"Uh..."

And that's as much as Wally gets out before she's on her feet, arms around her middle, shoulders up. She takes one look at Wally, mumbles a wet thanks, and then charges through the boiler room, down the corridor, and out of the basement.

Wally's stunned. Because he knows for a fact that that girl is alive.

Not only did she look right at Wally, she spoke to him. Like, to his face. Eyeballs met eyeballs. For the first time in a long time, Wally was part of the living world again.

"No freaken way..."

‗•‗

You keep your head down as you walk toward your locker. Headphones on, blaring angry music to quell the crash and surge of emotion inside you. You're embarrassed, humiliated, hateful. Rightfully so, you think, because the last person in the world you trusted betrayed you in the worst way you can imagine.

Oli tried to apologize over the weekend. A novel of a text that repeated several times how sorry she is about what happened. How she didn't know that was the plan. I swear, I thought they were just going to close the door for a minute.

So why didn't you come back?

She never answered. Either ashamed of her non-actions or annoyed that you won't forgive her as easily as you used to, you don't care.

The guy who saved you—tall, handsome, dressed like a silverscreen leading man—looked just like someone that group kept in the middle of their circle-jerk. Which was why you didn't stick around to thank him properly. He was probably just a little less bad; has what amounts to a conscience for those assholes, and decided to cut the joke short out of guilt.

Definitely a senior, you figured, since you didn't recognize him from your class.

Makes things easier. You intend to steer clear of him just like you will the others. You've got enough on your plate, the newest rumor sticky-tacked to your locker when you finally arrive.

Crybaby got herself locked in a room and couldn't get out! Accentuated with photoshopped baby bottles and crying emojis.

It's stupid. Juvenile. But it burns. You tear the paper off your locker, crumple it up, and march to the trash to shove it through the lid. Even through your music, you can hear the chorus of laughter. Some of it nervous, as if going along with it to avoid the same attention Travis and his cronies give you. Some of it hearty and genuine.

You swallow your discomfort and go back to your locker, wrench the lock open, and almost violently swing the door right into someone's face. Thankfully, that someone catches it before it does any damage.

"Whoa there, Helen Sharp, I'm not here to steal your man." The guy chuckles, giving you what you assume is his most charming smile.

It rubs you the wrong way. You glare back, ignoring the comment as you begin to rifle through your things, exchanging last night's homework for the textbook and notes you need for first period. He clears his throat, keeps standing there awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and watching you.

"So, you can't hear me," He mutters, and, weirdly, it doesn't sound like a snide question. Rather, his voice is heavily laced with disappointment.

You stop and straighten, staring right at him when you cock your head and say, "I can hear you just fine." Then, "You come to make me thank you again?" Just like Mike Bower earlier this semester, who pinned you to the vending machine after the cafeteria emptied, demanding you show him your gratitude for lending you a pencil during the History test.

The guy swallows and shakes his head, eyes wide and mouth agape. As if you speaking to him is the most astonishing thing that's ever happened to him.

Your glare intensifies.

‗•‗

Wally can't believe it. You can see him. You're talking to him.

Kind of.

You're mostly scowling at him, but that doesn't matter. He'll take what he can get. He knows you're likely still upset about Friday, how you got locked in the fallout shelter somehow. Which, the fallout shelter was a whole discovery on its own that helped unlock some of Maddie's memories over the weekend, so if anyone should be grateful, really, it's Wally.

"N-no," He stutters.

His shock swiftly melts into excitement, big grin sweeping his face, and he giddily follows you toward your first class after you slam your locker closed and start walking.

"So...are you okay? You didn't look so good, last time I saw you."

You heave a sigh, "I'm fine." And it sounds an awful lot like something you've been repeating to yourself until you believe it. Clearly, it isn't working.

"Right. Yeah. Of course you are." Wally nods sagely. "...What's your name?"

You come to an abrupt halt in the hallway and turn to face him, brows furrowed, giving him a slow once-over that makes his heart skip a beat. Now that he can see your face better, he swallows thickly. Jesus, you're beautiful. Even scowly and off-put. Pretty as a peace lily.

"Why?" You ask, and, wow, okay, has no one ever asked you for your name before?

Wally hesitates, not quite understanding why you're being so hostile until he hears it. A couple of students behind him, snickering to each other, commenting on how, the fucking weirdo's lost her mind. She's so fucked up.

Spinning on his heel, Wally faces the students, ready to put them in their place before he remembers that they can't see him...can they? No. They can't. They look right through him at you, snorting and shaking their heads in pity like you're some kind of headcase.

When he turns around again, you're gone.

‗•‗

It takes Wally a few days before he finds you again. Outside, sitting in a patch of sun, eating your bagged lunch alone as you lean against the side of the school. Without preamble, he plops down beside you.

He spent his time doing a little research. Between helping Maddie and Simon investigate, obviously, he's a good person who has his priorities straight. Still, you were always on his mind. The gorgeous living girl who can see him.

You ignore him, bite into your PB&J, and stare into the middle distance as if Wally doesn't exist. That's fine. He understands now. And, holy shit, the things he'd do if he had a body to do them in. He'd fuck every last one of your tormentors up. Break egos before breaking bones. Guy, girl, he doesn't discriminate; he hates what he's heard.

Can't be sure none of it is real, but from the way you shrink when he keeps his attention on you, he doesn't think any of it is.

"You okay?" He ventures again, voice low and kind.

You shrug. No snarky comment, no anger. Just...resignation.

"I, uh, heard what they say about you..."

You snort, "Great. You come to give me words of wisdom, oh wise one? It's just high school, it won't matter when you get out of here," You mock, clearly some bullshit you've been spoon fed before.

Wally shakes his head, "Nah. Nothing like that." He gives you a smile. Cheeky, "High school's all there is. It really does shape your whole life."

You choke on your next bite and then give him a look of horror. When you catch his impish smirk, your eyes narrow.

"You're an asshole."

"You're kind of a grump." Wally shoots back good-naturedly.

"I think I've earned it."

Wally's smile falters slightly, but he makes an effort to remain upbeat. Softly, sincerely, he says, "I'm sorry you have to go through all that."

"It is what it is." You respond, equally as soft, gaze on the ground.

You and Wally sit in silence for a moment. It doesn't feel awkward or tense the way Wally expected it to. Instead, it's peaceful. A welcome change from the mounting drama he's experiencing on Split River High's metaphysical side.

Eventually, you seem to relax. You and he exchange names. He doesn't give you his last name, not quite ready for that conversation, though he's sure you'll figure it out sooner rather than later. His letterman is a dead give away (no pun intended).

"Do you...have any friends?" He asks bluntly after talking around the point for a few minutes.

Tensing, you stop chewing the last bite of your sandwich, gaze distant as your face slackens in what Wally can only describe as hurt.

"I did. But then she helped her new friends lock me in a fallout shelter even though she knows I'm claustrophobic."

"Fuck..." Wally exhales sharply, "I'm sorry."

"You say that a lot," You accuse, slanting him another suspicious look. "Why are you sorry? Did you know that was the plan? Are you friends with Travis and Marybell and Elitzia?"

Wally tries to keep up with your questions. You must've been thinking those things based on how rapidly you asked them, and it takes Wally aback.

"No," He replies, "I don't know any of those people."

You relax again once you've stared into Wally's fucking skull to see if he's lying. Apparently, you can do that since you give a small nod and settle back against the wall.

"Thank you," You say after another minute of silence. "Really. For...getting me out of there."

"Yeah, of course," Wally says. "I might look like an asshole, but I'm not actually one."

You peek at him, a tiny smile forming on your lips that makes Wally's heart soar, "I'm starting to get that."

‗•‗

Your unconventional friendship with Wally grows from there.

When Wally isn't busy saving the day with Maddie and Charley and Rhonda, he spends his time haunting you. His own little joke, because it appears you haven't figured out how dead he is, and as more days pass, he's more reluctant to reveal that spooky truth.

In the span of weeks, you blossom like a flower for him. He learns how giggly you are when you aren't shielding yourself from the disgusting things your classmates sling at you. It's not often, but it's often enough that Wally never sees you as anything but reserved and quiet when you're between classes.

At this point, he's heard the slew of rumors about you. Gross and inflated, a game of broken telephone that chips away at you a little more every day.

Except when you're with Wally. It's as if his presence is helping you heal, and he can't keep the warm, fuzzy feelings from growing in his chest. Bigger and bigger with every encounter.

You've taken to studying in the library until the very last second you're allowed to stay. Tucked in the back, muffling laughter when Wally tells you about things that happened to him when he was alive. He omits details that might give away the era, but shares everything he can.

God, he loves the sound of your laughter. How your eyes sparkle when you're happy. How your cheeks flush when he sneaks in something flirtatious. How you bite your lip after you say something suggestive in return.

You're not exactly tactile, probably scarred from things that've happened in your past, things that've been said to you, or things that've been done to you. (Wally wants to punch everyone, teachers included.) It makes it easier to hide his deadness. However, it's getting to a point where Wally has a hard time remembering not to reach out and fail at tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear when you stare up at him with those sweet, joyful eyes.

There's always, at the very least, an inch of space between you and Wally. An inch he so desperately wishes he could eradicate. Either way, he can't break that barrier, the energy emitted from a living body preventing him from touching you, even if you did finally welcome it.

You bring him homemade cookies the day you reveal that your parents are rarely around. Break his heart, then heal it with chocolate chip, his favorite. He has to wait for you to turn away before he picks one up, so you don't see how the cookie never actually leaves the container.

When he bites into it, he moans, filthy, sexual, not even exaggerated because, "God damn girl, these are delicious."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Wally takes another bite, moans again, eyes closed as he savors the taste, "Best I've ever had."

You blush, duck your head shyly, "Thanks, Wally." And, fuck, he wants to kiss you. All over your face. Cheeks, nose, forehead. Lips. Deep and slow as he cups your jaw, angles your head just right, pulls you into his lap and—

"Earth to Wally," Your voice breaks through the mist, "You still in there?" Then, to yourself, "What the hell did I put in these?"

Wally blinks himself back to the present, "Sorry, what'd you say?"

"I asked you if you wanted to try the oatmeal-peanut butter ones."

Very seriously, "Yes. And everything else you've made ever, if you don't mind."

He wants to offer to make you banana pancakes or a burrito or anything to show off his skills in the kitchen, but he isn't sure how the food he makes would translate in the living world. His stomach clenches, eyes sad, as he begins to think about all the things he can't do with you. All the things you don't know he can't do with you because he doesn't want to lose you when you learn the truth.

Maddie didn't lose Simon, a part of him thinks, but while that's true, Maddie and Simon are best friends. Have been best friends since fuck knows when. Simon was willing to throw himself behind Maddie being a ghost because of how close they are.

Wally isn't certain you'd react the same way.

‗•‗

Things between you and Wally are...amazing? No, that's too simple a word to describe how his friendship has basically turned your whole high school experience on its head.

He's quickly become the best part of your day. He makes you laugh, helps you with homework when he isn't distracting you from it. He's sweet and compassionate and thoughtful. He remembers everything you tell him, even the mundane, silly shit.

You've never experienced that before. Not even with Oli, who had a knack of steering every conversation back to herself. It wasn't in a rude or self-righteous way, honestly, it stemmed more from insecurity and external processing.

But, yeah, it got old sometimes, especially when you just needed someone to hear you. See you. Know you.

Things with Wally are so incredible that you're even able to ignore the newest rumor about you making the rounds. How you're crazy, talking to yourself like schizo, you need meds, why do they let her near us? Dude, she could be dangerous.

None of it matters anymore. Oli's been fully indoctrinated by her new friends, ignores or avoids you, unable to look you in the eye anymore since dying her hair to look like Chloe's and dressing herself like Kirsten.

Wally has your back. Comforts you with humor or listens when you need to vent. Mostly, it's just bliss. And it's alarming because you've never felt so close to someone like this. You've exposed yourself to him in ways you never let yourself before. Not with Oli, not with your parents, not with anyone.

But he draws it out of you, bit by bit, your personality slowly reestablishing itself after years of being smothered behind the walls you had to build to protect yourself.

He's safe.

And he's hot like burning. Like putting your hand over a lit element.

Another new feeling unlocked; you want to feel his hands on you, even for a moment. Want to feel his lips on yours. Want all of him so wholly and greedily it makes your head spin.

Yes. Everything with Wally is perfect.

Until, one day, he simply...disappears.

‗•‗

It's not Wally's fault. He doesn't mean to do it. He wouldn't have, he promises. Especially not to you. But, Wally has his turn getting stuck in the fallout shelter; Mr. Martin unmasks himself as a bad guy; and Maddie's body is alive out there being used by Janet.

Things go from moderately unhinged to fucking hectic overnight.

He stays away only to help Maddie. Finds out, shit, Yuri Vyarheychyk isn't actually a looper. Discovers a lot of things he never wanted to discover. Wally's lost and despondent, and can't seem to get his head above water long enough to seek you out and apologize for abandoning you for two weeks.

He's relieved when he finally catches sight of you again, a smile on his face as he watches you help put the gym together for his high school reunion.

Just as he's about to approach, he notices you go eerily still, staring at something he can't see from this angle. He steps a little closer, cautious, heart in his throat when he finally gets a glimpse.

"Oh, no."

‗•‗

You were roped into helping set up the space for the class of '84 reunion. You'd reacted vehemently when Travis made a joke at your expense during Math and Mr. Davis immediately issued you detention.

This is how you earn back his respect. Carrying stacks of chairs and fussing over an easel that's to support a picture of that guy the stadium is named after. You're feeling bitter, neglected, alone all over again since Wally hasn't surfaced, and the rumors are starting to pick at vulnerable flesh.

Then, Ms. Monroe clucks at you, hands you the blown-up photo to fit onto the easel. You don't notice at first, and then the shock swoops in and leaves you breathless. Gaping wide-eyed at the face staring back at you.

Wally's smile is exactly how it looks when you say something he calls 'cute'. Charming. Cheerful.

The world fades away, time stands still, and you almost buckle under the realization that you made up a whole person to keep you company. You really are fucking crazy, just like everyone said.

"Hey..." You hear Wally's voice, but it can't be real, pulled from some broken part of your brain that shattered after the fallout shelter.

Slowly, you pan to your right, Wally towering over you, as solid as he was the last time you saw him. You glance back at the photo, then to Wally, rinse, repeat until you have whiplash. A tiny, wrecked sound escapes you and your body shivers, the weight of what this means bubbling inside you like acid.

"Hey, no, it's okay," The figment of Wally Clark, class of '84, dead dead dead, tries to reassure you. "You're not crazy, babe, I'm right here. You can see me."

His words do nothing to calm you down. You need help. Professional help, hard meds, a straitjacket, and a padded room.

Another trembling whimper and you wheeze, "They were right... I'm... I'm insane."

"No!" Wally insists, stumbling after you as you force your feet to move and head for the door.

Ms. Monroe calls out, but you ignore her, not bothering to think up an excuse as you leave.

"Leave me alone," You beg the figment of Wally, covering your ears with your hands to block out his voice as he urges you to believe him, that he's real, he's a ghost, he's been here for forty years, babe, please, stop!

You don't stop. You start running. Out the door, into the parking lot, off school grounds. You run until you get home, where you lock yourself in—parents still in Dubai for one of your dad's conferences, the house empty and cold.

Sliding to the ground, back against the door, you tuck your knees to your chest and cry.

Alone. Again. Always.

‗•‗

Wally's heartbroken after you leave. Never had he ever thought you'd become that important to him until you made it abundantly clear you want nothing to do with him. Because you think he's a figment of your imagination. Some trauma response.

He tries twice to convince you he's real, but it doesn't work. You shrink further into yourself, pale and placid, not even challenging the remarks made behind your back like you'd started doing again.

Unfortunately, shit hits the fan and Wally can't make time, plowing through scars, saving Maddie from herself, encouraging her to run back into her body.

All throughout, he longs for you. Wishes he'd been upfront from the beginning. He'd just wanted to be selfish for a while. To keep you. His own little secret, beautiful and bold, his to indulge in and cherish and...love.

Fuck.

Now, he stands in front of a door, a thick, bright light burning on the other side of it as he holds his key. He stares at the door, feels the warmth beckoning him. There's nothing left for him here. He's done his time, languished within the school for too many years.

Wally takes a step forward.

‗•‗

Without Wally's presence to ground you, you start to unravel. Piece by piece, whittled away to nothing but anger and fear. Right now it's predominantly fear, in large extent due to the empty halls and lack of teachers. There's a commotion outside that drew everyone with any authority out there.

It's well past the last bell, and Travis was leaving the locker rooms when you were headed to the theater to grab a notebook you forgot on one of the seats during Drama. Apparently, despite being fucked in the head, you've been a lot more appealing lately.

"You got a great smile when you aren't being a bitch," Travis leers, crowding you against a wall.

He's big. Huge. Built like a brick shithouse even at seventeen. He's got more muscle on him than you could ever hope for, and the strength of the linebacker he is behind him.

"Get away from me," You demand through clenched teeth, hands shoving uselessly at his chest. He doesn't budge an inch.

"Nah, don't think so, freak." He smirks, massive hand around your throat. Not too tight, just enough to hold you there with the promise of pain if you try to struggle.

That's when you start screaming.

‗•‗

Wally's head shoots up, and he drops the football, takes several long strides toward the exit door. The sound gets louder, clearer, as he nears. It's coming from behind the door. And it's familiar. He knows that scream, heard it weeks ago. The night he rescued you from the fallout shelter.

Without a second thought, Wally kicks the exit door open and barrels through, tripping when gravity hits him for the first time in decades. He gulps in a gasp of air, the taste sharp and bleachy, filling his lungs. Chest expanding, bones and blood and flesh heavy in a way he doesn't remember his living body being.

"Help!" You scream again, the tail-end of the word muffled by the hand of who Wally recognizes as one of your antagonizers.

Travis has you on the floor, his knees on either side of your waist as he grapples to control your arms. Wally fights against gravity, skids forward and then, Stop! Stop it! he charges. Tackles Travis' weight off of you and to the ground.

His knuckles burn as he punches Travis' face in, his lungs burn as he sucks in more air than is probably necessary, his body no longer familiar with the function but quickly getting with the program.

Wally falls back when he's sure Travis isn't getting up. Alive. The guy's alive. Just wrecked and bloodied, groaning as he rolls onto his side and clutches his jaw.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," Wally pants, wiping the sweat from his upper lip.

"W-Wally?"

Your voice is so small, so uncertain, and it gets Wally's attention immediately. He's with you in a flash, hands on your face, holy fuck, he can touch you, and you're so warm, so solid, skin so soft, he doesn't know what sensation to focus on first.

"Y-you're real." You murmur, as shocked as Wally is. "You're..." You lift your hand and place it over his, the touch smarting the cuts he opened on Travis' nose.

"I was always real, baby." He says, chest still rising and falling rapidly, God, he can't take his hands off you.

It happens in the blink of an eye. He can't tell who moves first, who initiates, only that it's pure fucking bliss when he feels your lips against his for the first time. Soft and pillowy and yielding. You taste like Sprite and those chewy watermelons you like to snack on during study sessions.

Wally moans into the kiss, can't help himself, pulls you into him as much as he can just to revel in the feeling of your body against his. Your real, living body against his.

A groan behind you and him reminds Wally that Travis is still there, will likely be found soon, and whoever does the finding will have questions Wally can't answer right now. Possibly not ever.

"Come on, baby, we've gotta go," He says, intending to hide you somewhere else in the school so you and he can talk.

You apparently have other ideas, because you drag him behind you all the way to the bus stop. He tries to tell you, tries to get you to stop before—

"I can't leave school property!" He shouts.

You slow, letting go of his hand to walk a few steps backwards, eyebrow lifting as you stare at his feet.

"But...you are off school property."

When Wally looks down, his jaw drops. He scrambles in a half-circle to measure the distance between himself and the curb. Thoughts flood his brain: He has to tell Rhonda, to tell Charley and Yuri and Quinn. He has to find his friends and tell them about his...what? His aliveness? Is he alive?

"Come on," You urge, grabbing him by the hand again and hauling him away from the school. "We can't be here right now."

You're right, he knows that, but, holy shit! He's off school property. He's breathing oxygen. His heart is pumping, his muscles ache from the exertion of beating Travis to a pulp, his tongue feels too big for his mouth, and his eyes sting from lack of blinking.

Whatever Wally is, he's not a ghost anymore.

‗•‗

You take him back to your place. You don't exactly know where else to stash a forty-year-old ghost, which Wally insists he is and is basically proof of that himself. You looked him up after the reunion. When you weren't so overwhelmed, that is.

Number 57, Walter Clark, beloved son and friend. If he is a fake, the likeness is uncanny.

As soon as you and he are through the door, he surges, lifts you into his arms, laughing, unable to believe the changes he's already taken stock of. He twirls you around, holds you like something precious, and gazes at you with sweet, soulful eyes.

"I can touch you," He murmurs, as if that's the most important development. "I can actually feel you. God, baby, I can't stop smiling. And it hurts!" The last part makes you giggle because he says it with so much joy, it tickles the giddiness right out of you.

You sober, soften like butter in his arms as he holds you. "You can...touch me some more, if you want..."

There it is, the bravest thing you've ever done. Hanging in the air between you and Wally as he viscerally registers your offer.

When he finally gets it, his smile turns into a smirk. A cocky thing that makes your belly warm.

"Yeah?" He glances around, sees the couch, then looks back at you.

Wally carries you to the couch like you weigh nothing, easy, muscles bunching and releasing as he sits down and settles you in his lap. His hands roam under your shirt, his hot touch like a brand wherever he holds you, and, slowly, giving you time to reconsider, he leans in and captures your lips in a gentle, sweet kiss.

‗•‗

Wally doesn't have the capacity to process anything outside of this moment, outside of you, right now. He should probably take a minute to figure out what happened to him when he fell through the exit door, should strategize a game plan for his friends to follow, should do a lot of things, but he can't find it in him to stop.

Your weight in his lap is so much more intense now that he can feel it in a real, human body. Your little whimpers and soft mewls as his hands wander under your shirt—fuck, the feeling of your skin beneath his fingers, it's like a dream he never thought would come true.

He undresses you slowly, worshipping every piece of skin revealed with his mouth and hands. Little nips and flicks of tongue, tasting your skin, hearing your sounds, absorbing your warmth as you squirm against him.

"You like how I touch you, baby?" He asks, gazing up at you through his lashes as he gently, so gently, trails his fingertips down your side and to your ass where he grabs. "I wanna make you feel good." He grinds his hips up, cock harder than he's ever felt it, groaning when the friction sends shockwaves of pleasure through him. "You feel that, baby? You feel what you do to me?"

"Wally," You gasp, your head tipping back and eyes closing, savoring the sensation.

You help him out of his jacket, his shirt; grip his chain to draw him into another hot, hungry kiss that leaves him reeling and desperate for more. His fingers dig into your flesh as he bucks against you, can feel the heat of your pussy through his sweatpants and shorts.

Gone in seconds because he can't wait anymore. Has waited enough time to feel anything again, but this, with you, no. God help him, he doesn't have that kind of patience or resolve. He's not strong enough. Not with how you tremble in his arms when he smears two fingers through your folds, dips them in to tease you as he watches the expression of euphoria that twists your features into the most beautiful image he's ever seen.

"You're so wet for me, baby," He purrs, nipping that sensitive spot right below your ear. Fuck, you start to ride his fingers, greedy little thing, the slick squelch of your pussy fucking his index and middle finger echoing in his ears and fogging his brain.

"Wally, please," You beg so pretty, and that's it. Control gone.

He lines himself up and guides you down, Jesus, you take him so perfectly. Stuffed full, tight as a vise, gripping him inside you as he leads you up and down, up and down, getting him as deep as he can be inside you.

"That's it, baby, just like that. So good for me," He pants, feet planted, hips meeting yours, his hands tight on your ass as you move on him. A fucking goddess crafted by heaven just for him. "Fuck," He chokes, "Fuck, yeah," and bites your lower lip, soothes the sting with his tongue before delving it into your mouth.

It feels too quick, but he can't avoid it. It's been so long since anything felt like this. You're not any better, quivering under his hands, thighs spasming when he starts to fuck into you faster, harder, making you bounce on his cock to take what you need.

When you come, he cries out, eyes clenched shut, mouth open, stars exploding. His climax ripped from deep within his core. His cock pulses as he spills inside you, arms fastened around your body to pin you to his chest, kissing you with everything he has.

"God, baby, I love you," Maybe it's too soon to say it (definitely), but who the fuck cares? Give a no-longer-dead-guy a break. He doesn't know how long his earthliness will last. He can't afford to take chances.

And he hiccups an awed breath when you say, "I love you, too, Wally Clark."

You gaze at him in the afterglow, so soft and pliant and perfect he could burst. You and he stay on the couch for a while, basking in each other's presence, in the realness of it. Eventually, taking his hand, you lead him to your room, where he writes poems with his tongue in your pussy, where you spread yourself open and invite him in again and again and again until sunrise.

You give him the weekend.

He knows he has a responsibility to visit Maddie in the hospital and make sure she's where she should be. Must inform Rhonda and Charley and Yuri and Quinn and Janet (can he still see them?!) that he's somehow regained a pulse.

But that can wait until tomorrow.

It's Sunday night, and Wally has every intention of proving to you that you're not alone anymore. That you have him as long as you want to keep him. And that he'll stay, even if you don't.

"Not gonna happen, Wally, you're stuck with me," You tell him in no uncertain terms, snuggled into his chest.

Wally smiles so wide, his cheeks ache for days after.

🐦‍🔥___________fin.____________

also on AO3!

Order Up! MASTERLIST

if you liked this, you may also enjoy Best Friends Club.

smut. you've been Wally's best friend since elementary school. and he's had a thing for you the entire time. it would've stayed a secret if, after a shitty date with someone who wasn't him, things changed.

[hazzabeeforlou]

Hey everyone; this post has been a long time coming. Most of you know I’ve been a ghost on here for a while, but recently I’ve felt the need to make my step back more official and give it a little closure. That of course led me down the rabbit hole of thinking over the past nine years of my life, and I realized yet again the impact this fandom, these boys, and this space has had on me, and I wanted to memorialize that.

Nearly nine years ago I suffered a traumatic physical emergency which stuttered my whole life course, and through the depressive year that followed I somehow stumbled upon Harry Styles. I had a normal tumblr back then, but by spring and summer of 2017 I had fallen down the Larry hole and become this. Alone and dealing with trauma and pain, I spent countless hours in this community writing fan fic, discovering my sexuality, unpacking religious trauma, working through issues and ideas I had never encountered and just… changing. I went back and looked at a couple of my fics recently, and I realized I never really wrote about “the boys;” I used the boys to write about me. That’s the gift that fandom gives you, a template to draw out any poison in your soul, bind it to paper, and sip it slowly with others, and as it’s shared it transmutes to a tonic that heals you, maybe also heals them, somehow. I don’t really know how to tell people that the biggest force for change and recovery in my life over the past decade was a boyband fandom where everyone believes Harry Styles is married to Louis Tomlinson, but it’s true.

You all healed me. Every comment left on my fics, every kind ask sent, every mutual squealing with me in the tags. I’ve loved you all, I miss you all. I wish I had the time and energy to stay engaged still; truth is, I’ve pivoted to the career I never thought I’d get to have, and I have it now, because of you. I wouldn’t be where I am today without this space, without you all. I’m so thankful. I’m so sad to see this era of my life fading away, to feel myself care less and less with that excited, lovely gut feeling whenever a new picture of the boys pops up. I don’t know if I’ll write Larry fic again, but I hope so, someday. One thing is for sure, I’ll never stop believing they were or are in love. That is a formative revelation that changed how I saw life for the better.

I’ll not stop writing, either. I’m going to publish PITS, someday, in some iteration. I’m writing my own stories now, things I’ve wanted to imagine since high school. I’m still excited about the boys’ music, and I can’t wait for new albums to drop. I might pop in from time to time to watch the frantic excitement of my dashboard, to see the names of old friends from what now seems like a past life. Sometimes it hurts to turn the page and admit an era is over, but I think I’ve known for a long time now that my part of the story here is at an end. I hope you all keep enjoying the magic, the fun, the friendship, the Big Bang’s, the drama. And I’m not disappearing altogether, I’ll check in from time to time.

No need to reblog this or anything, but I want to hug and thank @twopoppies @metal-eye @chotime @whiteknightonasteed @evilovesyou @reminiscingintherain @roseandbee @unicornamy @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @indiaalphawhiskey @iamasphodelknox @old1ddude @pop-punklouis @phdmama @pfromb @ahotknife @strangenewfriends @definegirlfriends @freddiesmyqueen @golddustdyke @genuinemusic @justalittlelouislove @knightchanges @kindofsharethat @kingsofeverything @louisandthedagger @lululawrence @cathuniverse @cuethetommo @crinkle-eyed-boo @bulletprooflarry @becomeawendybird @briannamarguerite @nottooldforthisship @maleksrami @mediawhorefics @always-aqua @haztobegood @thewhitecitrus

I’m sure I’ve left off many more changed urls and lovely friends.

Wishing you all the best of life, love, and springtime.

Always,

Toni <3

[kanmom51]

Dear Kanmon I'm writing to you because you know how to count and because I miss good jikook analyzes. after AYS they seem unnecessary, but they are satisfying. like putting together a puzzle. When I watched Jimin's choreography for Stuck with you for the hundredth time, I wondered if the part of the song he was dancing to was chosen on purpose. And I discovered that the dance starts exactly at 1:18 minutes into the song.

Hey love.

JM's dance to Stuck with you was just wow wow wow.

Your ask got me looking. And at first I went to the MV and lyrics YT clips and it just didn't align, so I was ready to give up.

But then I went to the actual streamed song on Spotify, and low and behold, you are so right.

Like wtf?

I am lost for words.

But you know what, if we're already doing this, then let's go down this rabbit hole...

I'm just going to throw myself down there, because you got me looking @jimjunkgfc.

Let's do this. Hold on to your seats, because this is going to be a bumpy ride folks.

The clip was released by JM on his IG account on 18.11.23.

Hmm.. do you see what I am seeing?

We have a combination of very interesting numbers here.

Just looking at the numbers, no math required.

If you take the 1,1 and 8 out of it you are left with the also very known Jikook combination of 123.

So, in the date alone we have 11-8 and 123.

The whole thing with the 123 theory is that we think we know where it originated (might have meant something to them way before but that's the first time it's mentioned) - Festa 2014 JM's profile Just one day MV at 1:23 min. represents him best. JK was by his side while filling out that profile. Since then we have had song recommendations ending at 1:23 min., posts timed at 12:30 or 1:23 am, posts on January 23rd etc. We know there is very possibly something going on with that sequence of numbers, but what it is exactly or more so, what it means to them exactly, we don't know.

Songs stopped at 1:23 min.

Post dated Jan 23 - 123

2017

2019

Using time stamps:

Posted 31 Jan 2019, time stamped 12:30 am KST.

18 Feb 2019 1:23 am KST

Again, the time stamp on going live - 12:03 am KST.

Bonus...

Like I said, we don't know exactly what it means, but it sure does mean something because it just keeps intentionally re-appearing.

And it somehow made it's way into this one once more.

Interesting.

Rabbit hole I said?

Let's continue then...

How long exactly is JM's dance clip, you ask?

1:23 min.

What in the actual fuck?

So, let's sum it up, why don't we?

We have a clip released on a date that gives us the combination of all the numbers for us to easily see 11:8 and 123.

And then we have JM dancing to a song that starts at the 1:18 min. mark and dancing for 1:23 min.

11-8

123

Yeah, clearly all a coincidence.

[twopoppies]

Gina, I want to tell you I have been reading your blog for a couple years now. I’ve never sent an ask to anyone. I first came into the fandom when I watched Harrychella and I thought hmm this man isn’t just flagging he is screaming at the top of his lungs. Then I watched the Cosmic Leeds videos and I fell down a rabbit hole. I am not someone who believes “conspiracy theories”. I am however old enough to know closeting has been proven to exist in the entertainment industry. I’m also from a rural area of the U.S. where homophobia is the norm, so unfortunately I had no trouble believing closeting still exists. I went into full information gathering mode about Larry Stylinson, but it was more than that too. I fell in love with 1D and all the boys’ solo work, especially Louis. I loved his voice, his songwriting, and his ‘real’ personality (when he allowed it to shine through all the media training). I read through every tumblr I could, you and Daisie provided a wealth of information that can not be ignored. I feel certain that Larry was real and I hope they are still together. I’m not one of those people who never doubted. It would be hard not to second guess things in this fandom with all the gaslighting that goes on. I write all of this to say that I’ve never felt so sad and like there is no hope for change as I do right now. It feels like Louis’ fandom is falling apart. There is so much division, hate, and intolerance of any idea that doesn’t conform to someone’s own. Louis pr strategy honestly baffles me. A divided fandom is so tiring. It seems less like pr and more like intentional sabatoge, which I guess it could be. I just don’t see any way out for him or Harry. I think Harry’s extended break is partly because of this too. I think he was overworked and emotionally drained for many reasons, but closeting most of all is exhausting. If I’m feeling this way as a fan I can’t imagine how they must be feeling. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I hope I am crazy and Larry was never real because the story is just too sad. Don’t even get me started on bbg because it is the shittiest situation ever. I think I need to take a step back from the fandom for a bit. But this brings me to my point. I’m pretty resilient, I can not be the only person feeling this way. It makes me so worried for Louis’ career and for both Louis and Harry’s mental health. I guess I don’t really have an ask. I just wanted to say thank you for all the information you have provided over the years. And, I needed to get this off my chest. If I posted this on twitter I would be roasted and I’m not strong enough for that right now. I meant it when I said I fell in love with their music, so I will continue to support all the boys. I’m hoping there is a master plan that will eventually set them free. But, I just keep coming back to the line

‘Said I had a plan for us Time had came and changed it all We had to disappear 'Cause nothing gets through here’

I will add one more thing. I believe there are more Larries than people think, but we are tired of the gaslighting and the hate, so many of us step back or hide. This is why the industry wins most of the time. 😥

Hi, sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm sorry it feels so overwhelming right now. I do think taking a step back is probably really healthy for most of us. I've actually never seen the fandom in such shambles.

I don't know what Louis' plan is in terms of his fandom or his future plans. But I have dozens and dozens of sad, confused, and angry messages in my inbox, and that fucking sucks. I really don't see a way forward at the moment. I will say, though, that some of the upset stems from some people's tendency to lean into worst-case scenarios and amplify their own worries by jumping to conclusions. Then there are the shit-stirrers who try to make things worse by sending in fake receipts or theories. It's hard to stay grounded when there's insanity whirling around you.

As for Harry and Louis, I do tend to believe they're still together. I don't think their relationship has been as easy as many of us would like to believe – I don't think it could be, given their ages when they met and the conditions they've had to live with. I do think they're soulmates... soulmates don't always end up together, but I tend to think these two will make it. I certainly hope they do.

Our fandom never does well when the boys aren't active. I think if you want to get your sanity back, now is as good a time as any.

[pablitogavii]

could you make a jealous fic with gavi❤️

Gavi has been acting jealous the moment you met Hector Fort. Anytime Hector was in the group, he would act all grumpy trying to touch you in some way. Today he pulled you on his lap and held your butt shamelessly in front of all his friend.

You were a shy girl so it felt a little uncomfortable for them all to see your boyfriend grabbing your ass like that. You pulled away from Pablo and sat besides him instead. That move made the boy steaming mad.

"I thought Xavi was going to spank my ass for being late!" Hector told the story and everyone including you laughed..well everyone but Pablo. His jaw was clenched and he was ready to explode.

"Que haces cabrón!? She's my girl, tío!" Pablo became confrontational with Hector after you went to the bathroom before getting ready to leave to go home with Gavi.

"Yo hice nada! Not my problem you're perro celoso Gavi!" Hector smirked and Gavi was about to get into his face when he heard your sweet voice calling his name ready to leave. Hector looked at you knowing that you were leaving with Gavi..yeah that's right she's mine cabrón! Gavi thought to himself.

"Pelotudo!" Pablo said walking away and getting close to you to grab his jacket and bag. He pulled you close while exiting knowing that everyone must be watching and Gavi wanted everyone to see.

"Amor what was that with Hector before we left?" you asked while sitting at your makeup vanity and taking off your makeup. You wished Pablo could control his impulses a bit better but also secretly loving your angry bird.

"Again with Hector!? Is he all you think about!?" Gavi was defensive and you knew what to do in these moments..he needed reassurance and you were shamelessly ready to prove him he owns every inch of you forever.

You walked to him sitting on his lap while he was on his phone looking into group chat until you took the phone from him to put it on the nightstand and have his whole attention.

"I could care less about him..all I care about is why my man is angry when there is no reason amor.." you tried being sweet to him to calm him down but Pablo was clearly still in his head.

"No reason!? You got off my lap princesa!" he said angrily but you still liked that he was using your nicknames..means he's not angry much.

"Because everyone was staring and I got shy..they already know I'm yours Pablo so stop worrying amor, hm?" you say moving his hair from his forehead and he sighed loudly shaking his head.

"I can't amorcito..you're a beautiful woman..and they all want you..especially Hector" he said and you shut him up with a kiss before he could continue down the rabbit hole. Can't he understand you don't want anything with him!?

"And yet here I am with you...in your bed..on your lap..belonging only to you Pablo Gavi" you whisper the last part with the smirk feeling him harden underneath his shorts. He liked to hear this..

"But you didn't want him to know that..that's why you got off my lap" Pablo was as stubborn as they come and now you were getting frustrated with his childish behavior and jealousy.

"Dios Pablo! You seriously think I want someone else after a year of being with you? " you said and he spoke before thinking again.

"All girls want him now" he said and now you were the one angry as you got off his lap again..he knew how stupid what he said was right now.

"So I'm like all girls now!? Fine Gavira!" you pulled away when he tried to reach to you retreating back to the bathroom to finish your night routine and shower.

Pablo peaked his head through the shower curtain to ask "amor can I join you?" but you were damned if he was going to bribe you like this. You shook your head disinterestingly.

"I'm not in the mood for that Pablo" you said and he left with a loud sigh just wanting to hold you again like before. If only he wasn't so damn impulssive!

You came back to bed and he was laying there in his boxers looking at you as you applied your sweet lotion and grabbed a book. Now he knew it was time for the silent treatment..

"Amor porfa don't ignore me..I know what I said was stupid..you're never gonna be like all girls..you're mi amor, mi ciela, mi vida corazón..porfa hablar conmigo" he was nuzzling his cleanly shaved chin into your neck and you giggled since it tickled.

"I don't want anyone Gavi.." you say and he nods kissing your lips passionately before pulling away to pull you down and toss your book away.

"Hm..you know calling me Gavi get's you playtime princesa" he smirked kissing your neck and you giggled blushing and nodding your head.

"I love you mi Gavi.." you say before he kisses your lips passionately.

"I love you mi princesa" he said into the kiss and you both smiled completely forgetting about little jealous antics you had a few minutes ago. <333

[ladykailitha]

The Magic of Christmas Part 3/8

Just an extra long chapter here because they didn't want to shut up. They're getting closer and their best friends are slowly coming on board to the idea.

Part 1 Part 2

***

Eddie was vibrating. Chrissy had done a total deep dive into this guy and other then being a bratty teenager and having shit parents there was nothing in Steve’s closet that would set off alarm bells.

Steve Harrington just knew how to deal with people to get what he wanted. He knew when to back off, too. In fact, Eddie was trying to get the dude stop backing off so much.

He was a people pleaser with eroded boundaries. And while that was certainly a problem, it wasn’t a ‘might be a serial killer’ problem like Chrissy thought.

So yeah, Eddie was vibrating because he was going to show Steve his first set of sketches for him to okay the design.

Steve was late. He had called to let him know he would be late. A meeting had gone over and he would be there as soon as he could.

Eddie pulled out his drawing pad and flipped through the designs he had come up with. He itched to pull out a pencil and “fix” a line or seven. But he had to refrain. If he started on it he would be so far down the rabbit hole that he would have three new designs before Steve got here.

A shadow crossed over him and he looked up to see Steve standing there.

“Steve!” he greeted warmly, getting to his feet.

They shook hands and then sat down.

“So what have you got for me?” Steve asked eagerly, leaning on his forearms to see Eddie’s drawing pad.

Eddie grinned at him. “I’ve got loads, big boy.” He turned the drawing pad around and Steve paid diligent attention to each piece.

He went back to the third design and turned it back to face Eddie. “I like this one. But I have one suggestion, if I may?”

Eddie shrugged. “Sure.”

“What if the dragon’s wings spread out over the four other pieces connecting them?” Steve asked, biting on his lip.

Eddie began to sketch furiously while Steve watched in fascination.

“Have you ever thought about streaming your process?” Steve asked. “It’s very enthralling.”

Eddie’s head jerked up like he’d forgotten Steve was there at all. He looked down at his pad and blushed. “I never thought I’d have the patience for it, you know? The whole explaining it while I’m doing it.”

Steve nodded. “I can see why that might deter you. But if you just drew or painted and put music over the top, I think it would do very well.”

“And would you be my first subscriber?” Eddie teased.

“Hell yeah!” Steve said with a grin. “And I would tell everyone I know to subscribe too.”

“I’ll think about it.”

He slid the drawing back over to Steve, who grinned.

“Perfect.”

*

“Edward Allen Munson!” Chrissy hissed as she threw open the door to their loft. “You tell me right now: are you joking about the YouTube channel?”

Eddie looked up from his sketching and blinked at her. “I thought you’d be pleased.”

She walked over to where he had sprawled out in front of the five canvasses and flopped down across from him. “I am pleased but only if you aren’t trying to butter me up to leave you alone about your ridiculous crush.”

Eddie opened and closed his mouth, licking and smacking his lips as he struggled for words.

“It’s about the crush but not in the way you mean…?” he said with a grimace.

She crossed her legs and put her elbows on her knees. She rested her head on her knuckles to stare him down. He wiggled and squirmed under her gaze.

“Explain.”

So Eddie did.

Chrissy rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “So no talking but what if I convinced you to let me write words to put up on the screen while you paint talking about the subject matter and why you chose it?”

“Oh!” he said brightly. “Even better! Why don’t I talk about D&D or music while I paint? That way I can babble to my hearts content without out having to drone on about the process.”

She blinked at him. “Eddie Munson you are a genius.” She rose up on her still crossed legs and kissed him soundly on the forehead. “I love it and you.”

Eddie blushed and went back to his sketching.

*

“Steve!” Dustin screamed into his ear when he picked up the phone mere days after his last meeting with Eddie.

“God, kid,” Steve groaned. “Tone it down. I don’t want to go deaf please.”

He could practically feel the eye roll from here.

“Eddie Munson has a YouTube channel!” Dustin continued to scream. “Oh my god do you know how big this is?!”

“One, I need to you to breath before you pass out from lack of oxygen to your brain,” Steve said. “You like your brain, don’t abuse it like this.”

Dustin let out a slow shuddering breath. “Right. I’m breathing.”

“Good,” Steve said slowly. “And two, I know about the channel because he told me about it.”

“You already know?” Dustin squawked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Steve sighed. “Look at the clock and tell me what time it is?”

“2:37pm. Why?”

“What time did the channel go live?” Steve asked, pinch the bridge of his nose.

“About one.”

“And where would you have been at one?” he asked, his eyes fluttering shut against the audacity of this kid.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, bud,” Steve said. “Oh. You were in class. Which I still don’t understand why you are taking summer classes. You’re young, you should enjoy your life.” He tilted his head. “How did you find out so fast anyway?”

“I follow Eddie on twitter, Facebook, Instragram, and his fan Discord server.” This was said as though it was obvious.

“Well now you have one more place to follow him,” Steve said ignoring the tone.

“Steve…” Dustin said, his voice low and dangerous. “Why are you his first subscriber?”

“Look, Dustin,” he said trying to keep the giggle in his throat from bursting through, “I’ve got to run. I have a meeting.”

“Stev–”

Steve sighed as he held the phone against his forehead, grateful they weren’t in person.

“Yeah, Steve,” Robin said from the doorway, “why were you his first subscriber?”

He blushed a dark red. “Because I promised I would be when I suggested the channel three days ago?”

Robin narrowed her eyes. “I see.”

Steve wasn’t sure what she saw, but he knew he would find out soon enough.

*

Eddie was working on Dustin’s first because he felt like it was the most important to get right. Wizards were usually portrayed as dusty old men and it appeared that this kid had done the same. But then the character was created ten years ago.

But Eddie decided to avoid a Gandolf/Dumbledore looking dude and went more for a Jafar that had gotten the time to grow old. A neat goatee, a sharp piercing gaze and weather-beaten skin.

His robe had stars on it according to Will the Wise’s picture of them. So he decided to make the robe look it was filled with swirling galaxies and nebulae.

Eddie was working on the cave background when his phone chirped. He tucked his paintbrush behind his ear and pulled it out.

Rich Pretty Boy: I got ahold of a couple of friends of mine that are going to help promote your charity. Nancy Wheeler is an investigative journalist most of the time but she owes me a favor and is willing to interview you about the charity to get it seen on a national platform. I’ll email you the details.

Eddie blinked at his phone in shock. Nancy Wheeler was the new and improved Barbara Walters (improved as in she wasn’t an ass to the people she was interviewing.) That must be a huge fucking favor she owed Steve if he got her for this.

EM: Holy shit! What kind of blackmail do you have on her for this?

RPB: LOL! I’m sworn to secrecy, sorry. :(

EM: All right, keep your secrets.

RPB: That’s LotR, right?

EM: Correct. I know you keep telling me you aren’t a nerd, but dude every time we talk I gather more and more evidence to the contrary.

RPB: I blame Dustin. He wore me down.

EM: Then I take it upon myself to complete the education that Sir Dustin has begun!

EM: Meet me at my loft on Friday at 8pm. We are going to start with the animated classics of the 80s!

RPB: Beer or wine?

EM: Beer.

EM: I’ll see you later, pretty boy. I have this huge project I’m working on that is on a deadline.

RPB: Curse the bastard that’s taking up all your time. ;)

Eddie laughed out loud.

EM: He’s the worst. ;)

RPB: See you on Friday, Eds.

EM: Laters!

Eddie put his phone down with a fond smile on his face. It was absolutely ridiculous how much he loved this beautiful idiot that had come in and swept him off his feet.

*

“Tell me again why I have to be here for this?” Chrissy complained for the fifth time that hour.

“Because fair Christine,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, “it’s not a date and he’s bringing his best friend.”

“How is his secretary his best friend anyway?” she groused, folding her arms and burying herself into the big fluffy sofa.

Eddie rolled his eyes and flopped down next to her. “They were friends before he took over the business. They had worked together in every job they’ve ever had so when he took over he put the one person he could trust in front of his office to shield himself from the assholes who make his life a living hell.”

Chrissy pursed her lips. “Fine.”

He kissed her cheek and went to go get the popcorn and candy.

“You ever going to tell this Steve you have a hard on for him?” she asked as he kept swapping bowls around for best placement.

“No,” Eddie said firmly. “Not while he’s paying me, anyway.”

She shrugged. “I guess that’s fair. It’s just...”

“That I have it so bad my only two thoughts are painting and Steve?” he finished for her.

“And me,” she agreed. “But pretty much.”

He put his head on her shoulder. “I’ve never fallen this hard for a person before. He’s sweet and funny and an absolute dork.”

Chrissy kissed the top of his head. “I’ll be good tonight. No bitching or being mean.”

Eddie snorted. “He’s also a queen bitch. So you can be you all you want. Just...”

She turned on the sofa, bringing her knees up to her chest. “But what?”

“When he starts gushing about something don’t...” he floundered for the right words. “Just don’t make him feel small about it.”

Chrissy tilted her head to side. “Has people made him feel small about his interests?”

Eddie nodded. “I think his parents were like yours, if I’m honest.”

“Rich, entitled assholes who wanted a doll and not a child?” she asked bitterly. He nodded. She sighed heavily. “Yeah okay. You got me. I know the signs and will adjust accordingly.”

He threw his arms around her and gave her a wet sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Just then the doorbell rang.

“They’re here,” Eddie said nervously.

Chrissy leaned down to look at him. “Do you want me to answer the door to give you a second to prepare?”

He nodded.

She gave his hands a squeeze and gracefully slid off the couch to do just that. She bounded over to the door and threw it open. And yeah, objectively she knew what Steve looked like, but seeing him out of his trademark blue power suit was a revelation. And immediately she got why Eddie fell hard for this guy.

He was wearing a David Bowie t-shirt from his Ziggy Stardust era and tight, light blue jeans. His sneakers were Nike’s, and his watch was Schwartz but those were the only major shows of wealth.

Next to him was not what she was expecting either. Chrissy was expecting someone more bookish. Glasses, frumpy. Or even the extreme opposite, a fashion plate. Someone who fit the sexy secretary stereotype. But nope.

She was fashionable, Chrissy had to give her that, but not in the way she thought. Billowy pants with a long-sleeved button up with sleeves rolled up to her elbows and pair of colorful suspenders. Her blonde hair was artfully tousled and she had freckles on her nose and cheeks.

In short, Chrissy was in love.

“Hi!” she greeted as though her heart wasn’t going to leap out of her chest to prostrate itself before this lovely maiden, only for her stomp all over it.

“Hey,” Steve smiled back. “You must be the agent/best friend, Chrissy I’ve been hearing so much about. It’s nice to put a name to the face.”

The woman elbows him. “Face to the name, dingus.”

Steve flushed. “I’m so glad I have you here to correct me.”

“Come on in,” Chrissy said warmly, moving out of the way for them to enter the loft. Inwardly she briefly wondered if maybe the best friend was the cause of the “limiting” as Eddie called it.

“Thanks!” he said and then pointed to the woman next to him. “This is Robin my platonic soulmate, best friend, and all around Stevie wrangler. I don’t know what I would do without her.”

“Aww,” Robin said with a smile and hip check.

Steve stumbled but laughed, too.

By the time they reach the living area Chrissy still wasn’t sure what to think about these two.

Eddie leapt to his feet at the sight of them.

“Stevie! Robin!” he greeted brightly. “You found the place okay?”

Robin nodded. “I’m glad you gave us directions on top of the whole GPS otherwise we would have ended up in some cemetery.”

Chrissy grimaced. “Yeah. But that cemetery was here before the condos and high rises so I can’t complain. Even though I really, really want to.”

“How old is the cemetery?” Steve asked eagerly.

She looked over at Eddie for help. “I don’t actually know.”

“Uh...” Eddie said unhelpfully. “I don’t know exactly but I know it’s over a century old.”

Steve lit up. “That’s so cool.”

“You like old graveyards, Steve?” Chrissy asked. She sat down on the sofa and grabbed the bag of popcorn.

“Steve is obsessed with them,” Robin said playfully.

“Am not,” he said and then turned to Chrissy and Eddie. “I’m really not. I just think it’s super neat.”

“What makes them so neat?” Eddie asked, taking the beer from Steve and setting it on the table with the array of goodies.

“Like seeing a bunch of people with similar death years knowing that it was because of a pandemic,” Steve said. “Or on Memorial Day going to see all the American flags for those that died during war time. It’s all just endlessly fascinating.”

“I could take you some time,” Eddie said. “Have a picnic lunch, make a day out of it.”

“You’d do that?” he asked eagerly.

Chrissy bumped Eddie’s shoulder. “Eddie here likes graveyards because they’re spooky.”

Steve laughed. “That’s a great reason to like graveyards.”

They settled down to watch the movies Eddie had picked out for them. A double feature of “The Hobbit” and “The Return of the King”.

“Holy shit!” Steve said afterwards. “How did they get more faithful to the books in less time than Peter Jackson?”

Eddie laughed. “Good story telling.”

They finally left for the night and Eddie closed the door behind them.

“Thoughts?” Eddie asked.

“And prayers,” Chrissy said. “Holy fuck do you have it bad. And I’ll swear under oath that if there is a god, he made Steve especially for you.”

He blushed. “Fuck, you can’t say that.”

“Why not?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

“Because it feels that way for me, too,” he whined, “and if you think that too, then I’m royally fucked.”

Chrissy sighed. “Yeah.”

***

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

@spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @itsall-taken @vecnuthy @bookbinderbitch @redfreckledwolf @littlewildflowerkitten @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @genderless-spoon @anne-bennett-cosplayer @irregular-child @carlprocastinator1000 @mogami13 @samsoble

[popcornforone]

Spoilt

A Mr Ben Fic

Day 31 of Pedrototber (SAG Awards Prompt)

Masterlist

31 days

31 Fics

Over 32000 words

I started writing these on September the 20th when I was feeling unwell on holiday & now here we are. The last one.

Honestly I’m gonna feel a little bit lost. This has been such a project & im incredibly proud of everything I’ve written & of all the love I’ve received. So this one is written entirely for me. I am my main audience & today is my Birthday (Seriously it is) so I thought I would give myself the gift of Mr Ben!

Synopsis:- It’s your birthday & your boyfriend Ben gives you the perfect start to your evening.

Word count:- 1500

Warnings over & above:- piv sex, lots of passion & swearing & promises, basically whatever you want Ben to do for your that sweet & spicy to start your birthday off he does.

Thank you all so so much for reading all of these. I’m incredibly proud of what everyone has done art, edits & writing wise.

A huge shout out to @alyssamariag & @norththelemon for setting this all up. Maybe I’ll be back next year for it.

October 31st, Halloween. Yep it’s that day again. The day when you are kind of forgotten in the larger scheme of it all. Everyone wants to go do a fright night, or pick pumpkins, or trick or treat. But no you don’t. The world might celebrate Halloween, but you don’t. You celebrate your birthday.

Unless it’s the weekend you can’t even ever really have your birthday off. You work as a Payroll advisor, so the last day of the month people are always asking where their payslip is or why it’s different to last month. Work did remember this year. A balloon was put on your desk, & you all went out for lunch. A dodgy burger place, they actually do make a wonderful cheese burger, you wouldn’t think it but they do. When you’d done your last set of payslips they said you could leave early. So you’ve got home & face timed your family. You’re seeing them all tomorrow. You & your mum share a birthday week so always do a big joint thing every year. Your sister who’s having a baby in the spring has even volunteered to pick you up so both you & your partner can drink.

You’ve opened the cards that arrived & have made a cup of tea & are sat on the sofa wondering what to do before your other half arrives at 5ish depending on the traffic. He has less lessons on Thursday so you know he will be in then, he’s usually home before you on a Thursday anyhow. So you sit there flicking through your iPad when up it pops on your feed.

PEDRO PASCAL IS PEOPLE MAGAZINES SEXIEST PERSON ALIVE!!!

You almost drop your drink. You sit there & scroll through the article & admire his new photo shoot. He always looks so soft & sweet like he is boyfriend material, but you know deep down he’s probably a menace. This sends you down a rabbit hole & it’s not long before you have the SAG award speech he gave, up on the main TV on Netflix. Admiring those curls & that whole outfit & how adorable & humble he was. You rewind it each time after he does the interview afterwards to go back & watch his moments again. It’s your comfort as you sit there sipping your tea, sighing.

“Pedro again” you leap around like you’ve been caught masturbating. You hadn’t heard your partner come in. He’s already taken his coat off & is holding a big bunch of purple tulips for you. You pause the TV. A genuine smile forms on your lips because the one he has for you is contagious.

“What you weren’t here Ben, I needed my fix of a hot man somehow” you joke.

“I know I know” he says as he walks towards you & you lean over the top of the sofa & he kissed your lips tenderly. “But is Pedro here, did he get you flowers & did he just have to fight an old lady off at the shop to get the wine you like for dinner tonight?” You kiss him back. Short little bursts of kisses making you both giddy. Like your teenagers that Ben usually teaches.

“No he’s not” you sigh”you’ll have to do & as you have Tulips & wine I’m not gonna complain.”

“I hope not” says Ben “happy birthday beautiful” He gives you another big kiss before he backs off. “I’m gonna go put these in some water then I’ll come back”

“Okay baby”

It’s only after about 5minutes that your realise Ben hasn’t come back yet. You decide to turn off the SAG awards rerun & put on a Pedro film for background noise, one you both know inside out & can quote, Triple Frontier. You always feel sorry for Pedro character Frankie that he almost dies when that donkey falls from the cliff. You’re about 10mins in when you hear a noise behind you.

“Tadah”

You turn around & your jaw drops before you uncontrollably laugh.

“What” Ben says.

“Seriously”

“Yes”

Ben has gone to the effort to try & curl part of his hair, he’s put on his geeky im marking don’t disturb me glasses, his extra tight trousers which he’s worn once & moaned so much about chafing, & then has all but 2 buttons on a white shirt undone.

“Ben are you seriously trying to cosplay as Pedro Pascal for Halloween?”

He nod & then coughs & then put on the voice which isn’t too much different to his own.

“This is wrong for so many reasons” he says quoting the awards show you watch for comfort “& this is a state of mind you know what I’m saying” you sit there laughing & blushing & extremely aroused.

“Well baby” you flurry your hand to wave him to come join you. “If your Mr Pascal, who would you like me to be to add to your fantasy” Ben then turns bright red & pushes his glasses down his nose, he knows that will get you sodden in seconds.

“Well since you’ve asked so politely, i want you to be the happiest sexiest girl who was ever born on Halloween” he says & he sits down on the sofa & pulls you into his lap. “Forget a celebrity crush, your my girl, & just your smile turns me on” you straddle him & your caress his beard.

“Aww baby” you say before he cups your face & the intense make out begins. Your body already moving knowing pleasure will be coming.”I do appreciate this Ben, but I don’t need Pedro, I just need you, your the man I love, the man I live with, the man who in 6 months time I’m going to share a name with” you then start to nibble on his ear lobe & he moans, he’s got one hand on your arse & the other desperate to find his fly.

“Yea it’s my name you will have baby”

“Im yours, you claimed me long ago”

“Oooh don’t I know it” the noise of the zip fills the room it makes you moan.

“On this sofa after a Christmas party”

“Yea what a night”

“Yea so fucking good”

“Still think it’s good baby”

“No its… oooh fuck” you are wearing a dress but he’s pushed your underwear to the side & slipped inside your cunt so easily as you were aroused & ready to take him, you slowly sink down taking all of him & it’s a earthy deep moan you let out “no Ben… it’s fucking phenomenal” you start to rock around him as he thrusts up into you.

“Fuck baby, god your extra tight tonight Jesus”

“You got me In the mood, oooh yesss baby” your mouths mould together. A swift hand slaps your arse as you grind around his penis. Each thrust even more exquisite as the last. Your walls clamping hard.

“Yes beautiful Ooooh fuck”

“Fuck Ben more more oooh fuck”

“Gonna fill you up, your mine, all mine”

“Yours fucking yours”

“Yes baby fuck yessss” Ben puts both his hands on your neck & makes intense eyes contact with you as you bounce hard around him, overwhelmed & overstimulated. It won’t be long before you cum. You feel seen. You feel loved. But the man you are looking at is not Pedro Pascal or someone dressed up trying to be him. It’s you other half your Ben. He’s the one you adore, would do anything for & the fact he’s gone to so much effort for your birthday just makes you love him even more. You bite your bottom lip, your rhythm uneven, the climax approaches. Ben sees it in your eyes & leans in & whispers into your ear that line that’s always unspoken.

“I’m Your Daddy” was he quoting Pedro? Was he saying it for real? You didn’t give a fuck. You cum, so hard the world is filled with stars, all the magic in the world is at your fingertips as your orgasm rips through you. The lap below you trembles as you almost finish your rocking. You hear a deep moan as Ben fills you up, coating you with his seed. He’s panting heavily as you rest your head on his shoulder & whisper back to him.

“So daddy,” you giggle as you say it”are you gonna have a panic attack & leave now you’ve claimed your prize?” He soothes your back as he regains his motor skills.

“Me leave you? Never” he smirks as he kisses the side of your head. “Your gonna have to do more than that to make me leave”

“Good, cos I ain’t going anywhere”

“Neither am I baby” he says lifting your head & you both chuckle as you move the curl he tried to do out of his face. “& id never leave you on your birthday”

[lurkingshan]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Thank you for the ask, I don't mind a bit! Though I will say that this particular question sent me into a minor existential crisis, because how on earth could I ever pick just 10 things that I love across all media. I don't know if y'all have picked this up about me yet, but I consume vast amounts of media, like...unbelievable amounts of media, it is my great joy in life. I consulted @bengiyo about how to approach this question, and he suggested a frame to help narrow it down: what are my favorites that someone else recommended to me, that I then felt compelled to recommend to others? Hope you don't mind the tweak! As always, keeping this in the realm of Asian media for this blog, here is what I got:

What Did You Eat Yesterday?

When I met @bengiyo and @waitmyturtles I learned very quickly that this was their all-time favorite, and if I didn't like it we were gonna have a problem (jk but not really). I hadn't watched it on my own because until recently (shoutout to our savior Gagaoolala) it was quite inaccessible and I hadn't yet stumbled onto @isaksbestpillow and found her amazing subs. Luckily, I have impeccable taste and WDYEY is in fact a masterpiece, so they watched me watch it, I lost my mind over how unique and brilliant and technically flawless it was, and we are now all bonded for life over our love for this show, which just returned for a second season and will hopefully continue forever. I love it so much I have even started reading the manga, and I am not a manga girlie by nature (I prefer reading prose), so you can be assured I absolutely will not be shutting up about it anytime soon.

Go Ahead

Credit for this one goes to @ginnymoonbeam for watching it first and then sending up a flare for me as a fellow cdrama enjoyer that this one was worth prioritizing immediately. I love big sprawling family stories that unfold over time, I love digging into intergenerational family trauma, I love good dad characters, I love found family dynamics, and I love a well done romance subplot embedded in a much bigger story, so this show hit so many of my sweet spots. It's #1 on my list of modern cdramas and I would recommend it to anyone.

Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Untamed

Speaking of cdramas, I must give a shoutout to @dangermousie who wrote this post summarizing their favorite danmei novels, which I found when I went looking for recommendations and was trying to figure out a way into this segment of Asian media. I admit I am a bit bougie about my reading material and modality, so I really can't deal with machine translations or reading on html pages, and thus I still have not read some of these as I am patiently waiting for official English translations to become available (me and 2HA are gonna have a party in 2024 I tell you what). I had already heard of The Untamed, of course, because I am a human person who lurks in online spaces, but reading the novel got me significantly more interested, and I quickly fell down a months long rabbit hole that included consuming the novel, the show, and copious amounts of fanfiction. This story is so complex and layered and full of fun mysteries and meaty moral quandaries and interesting family relationships and has an A+ second chance romance and one of my all time favorite characters to boot; it really took over my brain for a minute. And while it hardly needs me to recommend it given how popular it already is, I'm still gonna do it whenever I get the chance.

Mo Du/Silent Reading

And while we're on the subject of danmei, let me give a shoutout to my favorite modern danmei novel, which was recommended to me by an IRL friend who is not on tumblr. Mo Du is a sprawling mystery novel that spans five major interconnected cases, and it centers on an exceedingly competent police captain, Luo Wenzhou, and a young business heir/super genius, Fei Du, who start out with an adversarial relationship (but I bet you can guess what happens next!). The crime stories in this are almost shockingly intricate and every detail comes together in the end without a single loose end, which is impressive enough on its own, but somehow the author (Priest, who some of you will know as the writer of Faraway Wanderers aka Word of Honor) manages to also write a perfectly paced, incredibly compelling love story between the two leads that is layered with complex trauma and psychological hot buttons and secrets and lies that unfold organically alongside the mystery. I am in the middle of re-reading it right now and my love for it only grows stronger. The gif above is from a recent attempt to adapt this into a live-action drama that got quickly canceled, but honestly, the less said about that, the better (though Zhang Xin Cheng will absolutely remain the Fei Du of my heart). With China's censorship laws, there will be no faithful live action version of this story, so I highly recommend reading the novel.

Pachinko

While we're on the subject of novels, I must mention another IRL friend recommendation: Pachinko. This one is a sprawling multi-generational family historical fiction epic that tracks the lives of a Korean family that is forced to migrate to Japan during Japanese occupation in the early 20th Century. Y'all, this book is amazing, and it has now been turned into a television show airing on Hulu that is also quite good (though structured quite differently, but that's another post). I learned a ton of real history in the course of reading this, and I found the journey of Sunja and her family so compelling. The book has a real intersectional lens and digs deep into themes of oppression, racism, class disparity, and sexism, and is rooted in Korean values around filial piety, respect for hard work, religion, moral condemnation, and of course, the importance of food to communicate.

The Great Indian Kitchen

Switching gears, let me give a shoutout to this Indian film that my bestie @neuroticbookworm recently recommended to me and @waitmyturtles. This film is about a modern young woman who enters an arranged marriage with a family of high status (though maybe not of the kind you think) and explores her experience of oppression as a woman in a very patriarchal religious setting. The story is really compelling, I learned about a common experience for women in India, the narrative ended in an unexpected place (in a good way), and I really enjoyed the watch. And this film is on YouTube with good subs which I linked above, so it's quite accessible.

Be Melodramatic

Let's get back to dramas, shall we? I credit this one to @kdramaxoxo, who recommends Be Melodramatic constantly, and thank goodness because otherwise this under appreciated gem would have never landed on my radar. This is a beautiful story about a group of friends who move in together in the wake of personal tragedy and tracks their progress as they heal and move on from their hardships. The themes of grief and growth and change are quite poignant, the relationships, both platonic and romantic, are all very compelling, and the music is beautiful. If you haven't seen it yet, what are you waiting for (@nieves-de-sugui this is definitely a good one to add to your list).

Make it Right

Time for @bengiyo to get another shoutout. This is a Thai bl classic that doesn't get the love it deserves, and he is its number one promoter. I don't know when I would have gotten around to watching this if he hadn't recommended it so highly, and I'm so glad I did. I wrote about this one, why I loved it, and why I think it's under appreciated, and I highly encourage others to give it a try.

Coffee Prince

We will end on an OG kdrama classic, which I watched early on in my kdrama journey thanks to a recommendation from an IRL friend who said it was the best version of the well worn Asian drama genderbend trope that they had ever seen, and my god were they right. Not only was this my first Gong Yoo drama (a life changing experience in and of itself) but this one really took me by surprise for how sharp and progressive it was about gender fluidity, sexual identity, and the struggle toward self-acceptance way back when it aired in 2007. I recommend this one to everyone, and its a great entry point for people who prefer queer media and have (justified) suspicion of mainstream kdrama's treatment of queer narratives.

[melishade]

I'm so sorry. Everytime you answer a question another one pops up. I blame my ELA students, they always are asking me about the novels and then I have to shrug and give them the retort "I don't have this author on speed dial, we don't know for sure and can only speculate." But simultaneously one of our rules is "always ask a question, even if I have to go home and read the novel or sequel or find the answer, I will give you one" about literature.

Of course no student is going to raise their hand and ask "do you know why Reiner died in Chapter XX of Attack on Prime?"

But every time a student asks a question, if I have to research it and then have more questions myself or we tumble into a 10 minute spiel of the rabbit hole I went down at 10pm at night to find the answer to Jonny's original question. It's the nature of teaching analytical reading.

Back story is I remember AOP on Fanfiction net. I had found it after my own watching of AOT Season 1 and watching Transformers with my nephew during winter break in college. I know I didn't follow the story much, just enjoying the little bit of relevance to the fandoms I was into at the time. Fast forward and I find it on AO3 one day and went "huh" only to see it had increased to just before Megatron infiltrated Marley. I followed a bit chapter by chapter until one day it just became back burner as an adult with things to do.

Anyways the question is a bit in proportion to the previous question I asked. As you said Attack on Prime started over 11 years ago which was in between S1 and S2 when there was A LOT to speculate on because the manga wasn't even caught up at that point if I remember correctly. Which is why we have fanfictions with different endings to the story, audio stories like Attack on Space or Survey Corpse, the obsession over the 104th because there was a whole 4 (I think?) years of just fans developing them in their own directions.

Knowing the entire Attack on Titan story now and knowing what direction the characters take would you do anything different, utilize a character more, kill off someone else, elaborate on scenes basing it on some of the later season/manga we received? For the Season 1 portion of AOP we mostly see it as an -insert Optimus here- and saving people or just having him be reacting to the AOT universe but not much of a "I don't care what the manga does I am doing what I want to do" where you still keep it in line with the AOT arcs but no differ too much. Once we hit the Clash of the Titans Arc is when I start to see a "oh I am going to do a bit more now because I know more" in the writing and then the beginning on some pretty dang good characterization and world building. We don't see it fully until we hit the 4 year gap where you can just do whatever you want at that point because in the manga and anime, we only know a skeleton of what the 4 year gap was. So I'm curious as a person who has seen the development from Fanfiction net story into a very strong story if you were to be able to pull an Eren and influence your 10 year in the past self, would you want to do anything different?

Are you kidding me?! I love it when I get asks like this! Long detailed asks talking about my thought process when it comes to writing this story! Like seriously!

All jokes aside, let's answer the question.

So there were some things that I've been proud of that I would tell my younger self, like Megatron's character development, the Primus twist, elaborating on the four-year time skip, the OVAs. But there are a few things that I would choose to do differently.

For example, I realized I didn't utilize the pure titans pumped with energon in an actual fight with Paradis. It was really a steppingstone for the titan shifters with energon. Initially, I was going to incorporate them with the Rumbling and have them running on the ground trying to eat people, but because of the whole Zeke/wine debacle and the use of dark energon I just didn't get the chance to work it in there. I should have and that was a failure on my part.

Fix chapters 2 and 3. It was really just a repeat of the episodes with Optimus reacting to the situation. I should have changed the chapters more to focus on Optimus' perspective, maybe have Optimus carrying the boulder instead, forcing the government to question the usefulness of Eren. Eren was a wild card and titan with no control. They would rather dispose of him and keep Optimus. I'd probably have Optimus fight for Eren in that situation instead, stating that Eren's power shouldn't go to waste and that he needs proper training. Having Optimus come to Eren's defense like that could have made more of an impact.

Make a few more tweaks to Eren's descent into madness. I feel like if I had told my younger self about Eren activating the Rumbling and destroying the world. I was trying to expand and show how exactly that happened because if you're going to make a good guy become a villain, go for it. Don't make everyone praise him and hold him in high regard like Isayama did in the manga. However, I've been told that AOP Eren didn't seem like someone that would activate the Rumbling based on how he was developed in prior chapters. And even I was struggling with writing Eren's descent, so maybe like an extra chapter or two to add to Eren's whole thing. Maybe I should have added Eren's perspective while he was alone in Marley. That probably would have helped.

Additionally, I would have told my younger self to get more bolder when it comes to kills or maybe even show more mercy. Sure, I've decided that adding Optimus to the story would help reduce the mortality rate, but it's still AOT. I probably could have killed Jean or spared one or two people from Levi's squad. Believe or not, I was so close to having Eren kill Wheeljack to make the Autobot's hatred against him more personal. But I go back to the whole Arcee situation because I don't want to add another partner dead to her trauma.

Guess I could've added something regarding the people of Paradis trying to get along with the Marleyans during the four year time skip. I have more head canons and what not, but maybe adding a scene or two would have been nice.

There are definitely a few more things I would have wanted to change, but I think it would have just depended on how certain changes impacted the story. It's part of why I do all of these AOP AU. It allows me to experiment and take gambles with certain story aspects, like Optimus killing Reiner in the Episode 1 Timeline, having the Decepticons hijack the story in the War Timeline, Predaking being considered a deity, Starscream and Shockwave taking over the world, etc.

Other than that, I'm just happy I was able to finish the story. I still have one more chapter, but I made it to the end and I'm proud.

[nordicfiord]

you know what? i am cringe, but i am free

a long-long time ago (in 2016) when I first watched Osomatsu-san, my bestie and I made self-inserts there. now, with the obsession getting back, i redesigned my sona and went down this rabbit hole again. i finally got the courage to post stuff with her here, because... because why not.

here's just a bunch of random stuff with her. her name is Taberu Rin (which is a pun on my last name and on one of my older nicknames). she knew Matsuno when they went to school, but they didn't really interact. then she left for college, got back... and spends her life aimlessly now. just as bitchless, jobless and weird as Matsuno, so she hangs out with them from time to time. (she is not really interested in dating any of them despite them being the same type of losers.... but there can be some jokes).

(she threw a chocolate bar at them on Valentine's and watches the chaos unfolding. "all hail Satan~")

yaaay issues

in high school of course... hair longer, glasses smaller, issues even more so there.

and just... nya~

[doctormastertardis]

"Timelords turn into Gods" (the Doctor was originally a God from BEYOND the edge of the universe; he was part of the Pantheon, adopted by the Shobogans who then created the Gallifreyan society)

THEORY DOMINO:

THE MASTER IS/WAS THE TOY MAKER.

THE DOCTOR IS/WAS, WHO? (the central theme of the show)

BOTH OF THEM WERE MEMBERS OF PANTHEON OF DISCORD!

Ok, ready? Hear me out. This is LONG, so buckle up.

My instincts told me to go re-watch Martha Jones' season, and now I'm down a rabbit hole...

The Tenth Doctor mentions in Utopia what happened to Rose Tyler. He said something about how "very human" she is (as in, she is an empathetic person), and that was why she insticntively brought Jack back from the dead when she absorbed the Time Vortex. TEN ALSO MENTIONS that had it been a Time Lord who absorbed the time vortex, the Time Lord would become a God. But because Rose Tyler is human, she couldn't, and so yada yada....

In the last 2 episodes of Martha Jones' run, we learn that the Master (being the hypnotist that he is historically in Classic Who) creates a massive "hypnotic" device called the Archangel Network -- HINT HINT Toymaker in The Giggle, anyone? The similarities are there. Both the Toymaker and The Master created and dispersed a subliminal sound that plays all throughout human history as a way to hypnotize humans. Again, the similarities are there in plain sight.

CLASSIC WHO:

We all know that the Master first officially appeared in the television series during Third Doctor's run. He was initially a friend of the Doctor's, who became his arch nemesis, but we don't really know much else about the Master apart from that he went to the same academy as the Doctor to train to be a Time Lord.

Now, the Toymaker appeared during First Doctor's run waaaaay before The Master was ever conceived... he was "defeated" by the First Doctor... But even then, it seemed like the Toymaker was already familiar with the Doctor (I have to watch that episode, actually, some other Whovian may be able to assist me here).... NOW, the premise of the show has always been Doctor, who? Who is he? Where did he come from? But I believe the series is now delving in The Master's history first before we learn more about the Doctor's origin... because it's necessary. Because they're interconnected.

So far, we know that after the events at Traken, the Time Lord society brought the Master back from his death (post-Eight Doctor's movie)... he then became the War Master. An equivalent to the War Doctor. In TSOD (The Sound of Drums), Simms!Master mentioned that he ran away from the Time War and camouflaged himself in his chameleon circuit as a child who grew up to be Professor Yana, who then, became Prime Minister Saxon... blah blah. We all know what happens. He ends up on a Mondasian Cyberman ship and meets his future, Missy...

*AUDIO BOOK SERIES ONLY* The gap between Missy and Dhawan!Master is a bit more complicated, because it involves her transformation into "The Lumiat" (the good essence of the Master) who was eventually killed by Missy herself, who then regenerated into Dhawan!Master supposedly.

CHIBNALL ERA:

We finally learn that the Doctor was adopted by Tacteun, a Shobogan, who extracted the Doctor's DNA as a way to create "Time Lords"... we learn this through none other than Dhawan!Master, who clearly became a little bit more insane than all his prior incarnations.

Honestly, my mind is a little bit blurry in regards to Thirteen's run because her last series was SO RUSHED that I can barely remember the small details so please correct me if I am wrong. But from instinct, I know that we didn't really learn much about how Dhawan!Master came to find out about the Doctor's origins. We can, however, deduce that he was PISSED about it. Why though? Maybe he loves the Doctor? I mean, that's a given. But wouldn't it make more sense if Dhawan!Master was completely mad because he wasn't yet aware that he and the Doctor were both adopted from the Pantheon?

During The Flux series, we the audience would be under the impression that Dhawan!Master became bitter because the Doctor is "essentially better" than him due to the fact that his Time Lord DNA originated from the Doctor as a child (The Timeless Child Arc).

RTD'S RETURN:

BUT, considering how we are now DELVING into the depths of God/Goddess mythologies and "fairytales" (in connection to The Beast, Sutekh, and other DW stories involving mythological dieties), it is not farfetched at all to consider both the Doctor and the Master originally as part of the Pantheon of Discord.

Ever since the events of The Flux and The Giggle, we get to take a look at the edge of the universe where all sorts of (im)possibilities exist.

And I think that's where my brain stops... FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THIS IF YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT DOCTOR WHO LORE.

[sleepanonymous]

Hi, I was wondering if you knew when Vessel started 'dancing' on stage? I'm pretty sure he started doing in in the late Sundowning-ish era/ TPWBYT era but I thought you'd probably be the best person to ask about finding videos from when he started dancing.

Oooh this is an interesting rabbit hole, thanks for asking Anon 🖤

So... I guess it depends on what you mean by dancing, because Vessel has always sort of moved on stage, you know? But what he did back then and what he's doing now is completely different. Like... maybe a better word for what he used to do is "writhing." The earliest video of a ritual I've seen of Sleep Token's was their third ritual in (what I'm assuming is) late 2017, and "writhing" is probably the best word for what Vessel was doing on stage (and I say that affectionately/respectfully).

TLDR; Conclusively I would say Vessel started dancing, as we see him dance on stage today, in the summer of 2022. He's always moved on stage, and even acted unhinged during Sleep Token's earlier rituals. Below the cut, I go through rituals on YouTube from 2018-2023 to try and pinpoint exactly when Vessel started dancing like we see currently in 2023. (I went through quite a few videos, most not even mentioned in this monster of a post, so I made a YouTube playlist here).

A great example of Vessel's early "writhing" dancing is this YouTube video of Nazareth from the 2018 Leeds Festival (he's also an absolute menace here!! He steps on III, he didn't paint his waist or his back, and he strangles and spits on the original OG IV. Like... the man had demons and I am here for them). The dancing that's most similar to current times starts around 2:37 and 3:40.

2019 is impossible to find good videos for lol, since they did most of their rituals for the Beautiful Oblivion tour as an opener and, apparently, nobody films openers. But there are some with decent audio quality from ArcTanGent (my favorite being The Offering). Interestingly, he's less animated, still writhing, but not a menace to the rest of the band while doing so. If anyone is even slightly photosensitive please don't watch these ArcTanGent videos, the lighting effects really didn't agree with the camera's shutter speed.

This is a video of Higher from December 2019. The sound is not as crisp, and the videographer is quite a bit further from the stage, but Vessel is still moving, especially towards the end. The breakdown starts around 2:15, and while III and OG IV are definitely more animated than Vessel, he's still dancing with them. He even jumps down to scream the end of the song at the barrier (and has a mini-wardrobe malfunction) at 2:39. That crowd was really feeling it and so was Vessel.

Because of the plague in 2020, all of Sleep Token's shows were in January. Vessel's behaviour was very similar to the video posted above (just with less crowd interaction). The first show they played in 2021 was the Download Pilot. This is the best audio quality of that show, and Vessel also moves/dances the most in this video, though it's toward the end around 2:31, where the videographer forgot they were filming and just started vibing, so it's really hard to see, lol. I don't blame them, but it's also shakycam to the max. (Also, a quick fun fact, this is the first show the band played with our current IV as far as I can tell.)

This is another video from 2021, but from Sleep Token's TPWBYT rituals tour. It's Hypnosis, and in the very beginning, we see some Floor Vessel, which is neat and reminiscent of the most recent NA rituals, before he does some of his usual writing, though quite a bit more animated. Around 4:06 you can see the writing again, but after 4:19 it morphs into what we've seen from more recent rituals. (Also, if anyone wants a full 70-minute video of this show, filmed from the center of the balcony looking down on the stage, you can watch it here. Some parts have major flashing, so just be careful).

Here's another video of Hypnosis, this time from September 2022. Here, finally, we see Vessel's current version of dancing, hops and arm flails included. It starts right when the song kicks in at 0:13, and he does it again at the end, around 4:29. Technically they did a UK tour with the Architects in May (see this video of The Offering at 3:50) and an Australian tour in June 2022 with Northlane (again, see this video of The Offering at 0:20, 1:37), with similar behaviour from Vessel, but that BRRF Hypnosis video is the first video I ever watched of Sleep Token live so it's very dear to me and it's also better sound quality than anything I could find from earlier in the year.

I went way overboard with answering this question, Anon, but it was super fun, so thank you again for asking 🖤🙏 Again, I made a playlist of all the videos + several others. If anyone has any recommendations for me to add to the playlist, send the links my way (especially if they aren't The Offering or Hypnosis lol) and I'll add them in chronological order.

[exquisite-evans]

Two years of Heartstopper TV, what can I say?! It’s a rare thing for a show to take hold of my life like this and…not let go. I hadn’t read the comics when the show was recommended to me by a friend. I trusted her recommendation, went into it blindly, and sat down to watch it on a Friday night. The moment episode 8 ended, I restarted it and watched it all again halfway through the night. Then the next morning, I woke up and watched it again. Then during dinner on Sunday, I watched it again. I watched S1 FOUR TIMES in one weekend. It was as if I couldn’t bring myself to watch anything else. It was so beautiful and loving and powerful. It made me feel GOOD. And a lot of shows out there today don’t.

I obviously then purchased all the comics and fell down the rabbit hole, taking everyone who’d listen to my recommendation with me. At this point, two years later, I’ve watched that first season an innumerable amount. I could probably recite it word-for-word.

Something shifted for me, personally, with S2. I was somehow pulled in even deeper. I was captivated by the chemistry that brought Nick and Charlie to life. Joe and Kit were born for these roles—it blows my mind if I think about it for too long. The themes in S2 obviously grew more mature, and now having read the comics, I knew where we were headed. And once again, I watched S2 on repeat. That first week of its release, I watched it every night. Then I watched it every weekend through late-October.

And, as many of you know, it inspired me to begin writing my fanfic, Because You Loved Me, of a married Narlie in their late twenties, starting a new stage of their lives. They just…infiltrated my brain. In a way that I could never complain!

So, Heartstopper has changed my life in just two short years. I am now a fan of Joe and Kit and their upcoming projects, only wanting the best for them in this world because they gave us the perfect iteration of Nick and Charlie. I am knee-deep in writing said fanfic that brings me so much joy (and others too, from what you tell me 😉). I am consumed daily by the genuine love of Nick and Charlie. One of my favorite love stories written. One of soulmates and everlasting love, ages and sexualities be damned. For those two can get through anything, together, even as teens.

Heartstopper chipped away at my cynical heart and made me believe in romance again. 🥹✨🩵

QUEER LOVE DESERVES TO BE CELEBRATED LOUDLY! 🏳️‍🌈

Cheers to our upcoming S3, which will surely ruin my life even further, and fingers crossed that we’re blessed with a S4 to complete their story how Alice sees fit.

I’ll be here. Fangirling on main.

[halfbakedideas]

Curry. It's Blue

The Doctor makes a curry. It’s surprisingly really good, if you ignore the colour.

Inspired by this post by @whatsfourteenupto.

hi; sorry it's been so long since i posted one of these, i got distracted by uni stuff and hurtcember, oops. this one is almost laughably short, oh well.

i am still writing these. sort of. i've got a couple more in various stages of completion but hurtcember takes priority, so don't expect a new W14UT ficlet 'till early january at earliest.

—x—x—x—

The Doctor had managed to convince Sylvia to let them cook dinner that night. She had argued, resisted giving up control of the kitchen to the one who had burnt the pasta that he had been entrusted to watch over less than a week ago but she did eventually relent.

“You better not burn down the kitchen,” Sylvia warned.

“Or make anything explode, again!” Donna chimed in. She still wouldn’t let live down the microwave-toaster incident.

“I won’t!” the Doctor told them.

It would not help his case right now to mention that the only kitchen that they had ever managed to not only set fire to but completely burn down was the TARDIS’s.

“Now, go get out of here,” They shooed both Sylvie and Donna out of the kitchen.

Those two had cooked dinner the last time that everyone had been around but he had found a curry recipe on a sticky note in the TARDIS’s library that they wanted to try making. Not to mention that both ladies needed a break (yes, they were looking at you, Sylvia, at that last bit).

With the kitchen to themself, the Doctor set about making his curry. They headed into the pantry for the spices and a pot. Then he went out into the TARDIS for the recipe. Donna had stared at them rather intently 

Everything that followed after that seemed to go smoothly until he got to the chicken. Specifically deboning the chicken.

In the end, after a relatively minor internet rabbit hole, they decided to just use the sonic to do it.

Meanwhile, earlier…

Donna headed down the hallway, in the direction of the laundry, only to be stopped by her mother who had just came down the stairs. The two of them were far enough away from the kitchen that they wouldn’t be overheard.

“Do you think they’ll be able to pull it off? Making an entire dish without burning it or mucking it up?”

“I have no idea; we’ll just have to see at dinner,” She headed into the laundry and picked up the washing basket, balancing it on her hip. “It’s been half an hour and nothing’s exploded or randomly appeared, so it should be fine,”

“Nothing has appeared or exploded that we know of,”

Donna passed by her mother and the kitchen on her way to the washing line outside. When she passed the kitchen it was to see the Doctor Ponting the sonic at a full chicken and pulling out its bones a moment later.

…So it had a deboning setting. Yeah; dinner will be fine.

In the end, by the time that everyone had arrived for dinner, the Doctor had finished whatever they had made. What turned out to be an oddly-blue chicken curry and a very normal looking vegetable casserole.

“Is it…safe to eat?” Melanie asked, eyeing the chicken curry suspiciously.

“Yep,” he popped the ‘p’. “The colour’s from a spice that should be completely safe for human consumption,”

“‘Should be’?” Sylvia echoed, concerned.

“Blue or not blue, that curry smells delicious,” Shaun chimed in, reaching for the serving spoon and dishing himself some of the curry.

The rest, the Doctor included, watched as Shaun tried some of it. Waiting and watching to see if anything happened.

Nothing did.

A minute passed. Two. And even a third. Yet nothing happened to Shaun at all.

“That is very good curry, Doctor,” he concluded.

That was all the confirmation that the others needed to try it for themselves. Rose, meanwhile, went straight for the almost-suspiciously normal looking vegetable casserole.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[b-courageous1010]

Day 15: The Principles of Mindful Productivity  

Since starting my career journey, I have been focused on being productive and focusing on how to get the most out of my productivity habits at work and in my personal life. Still, like most people, I've been doing it rather unsustainable. The long hours, always being on the go, and pushing out as much output as possible, have led to burnout multiple times. When starting my current role, I decided this time will be different, and I will take steps to avoid experiencing burnout.   

This goal has led me down the rabbit hole that is mindful productivity. Mindful productivity is defined as being consciously present in what you're doing while you are doing it and calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings and thoughts when engaged in work or creative activities. This doesn’t mean you stop whatever you are doing, it's about seeing the present moment without pressing the pause button. It's interrupting the autopilot mode we often use daily, taking time to appreciate the little things, thoughts and feelings, and the world around us.

To practice mindful productivity, you have to think of it as a set of principles that can be used as a flexible roadmap that anyone can apply to work and feel better. So let's get to it:   

10 Principles of Mindful Productivity:   

Presence: Live in the Present   

Try not to get trapped in the past and pre-living future worries. This thinking causes you not to be able to enjoy the here fully and the now and can make it hard to concentrate on your tasks.  

I fell victim to this went starting this role. I was so afraid of making a mistake and so consumed with the past mistakes that I made....even more mistakes. I have since adopted the attitude that I will make mistakes because I am just starting my career. I know the bare minimum, and all my mistakes are necessary.   

Awareness: Watch your thoughts and emotions   

When your mind wanders, bring it back to the task at hand.  

You want to be aware of your emotions and thoughts so you can accept them, move on, and return to being productive.   

Flow: Get in the flow  

A highly focused mental state which facilitates productivity   

Can be described as "Getting in the zone" or feeling absorbed in an activity   

Define your goal, cut the distractions, take a deep breath, and keep your mind fully attentive.   

The brain is often the happiest when you are engaged in the meaningful pursuit of a goal.   

Single Task: Avoid Multitasking   

It's not a secret that constantly switching contexts between different tasks hurts your attention and makes you less focused. In a perfect world, people who focus on one task at a time are calmer, more effective, and more productive, but we have to find a balance in the real world.  

Use Mindful Context Switch to strike a balance between productivity and responsiveness.  

Motivation: Question your procrastination   

Use the DUST model to understand why you are procrastinating. 

Curiosity: Cultivate your curiosity  

Curiosity helps you learn. It enables you to remember better information; the more curious you are about a topic, the more likely you are to remember it.  

Observe the world, take the time to learn, ask questions, don't take anything for granted.   

Growth: Develop a growth mindset  

A growth mindset means you believe you can grow your intelligence and skills with hard work.  

It would help to question your fixed mindset attitudes to see what's holding you back.  

Metacognition: Use metacognition strategies   

A powerful form of self-monitoring and self-regulation  

It means being in tune with your awareness to determine the best strategies for learning and problem-solving and when to apply them.   

Instead of blindly working away, take the time to plan, monitor and evaluate your working and learning experiences.   

Environment: Pay attention to your work environment   

Be mindful of where you work and how it affects your productivity. Understand what works for you and adapt your environment based on your findings.   

Also, consider your habits when designing your environment.   

Breaks: Take mindful breaks   

Using breaks to remind yourself to be mindful of your thoughts, emotions, and your environment  

Set aside time for the present moment to clear your mind and take it off red alert.    

Unplug and come up for air: Make sure you have ample time for other pursuits besides productivity. It doesn't hurt to limit your screentime.  

Take time to breathe, eat a snack, and look out the window.   

Practicing mindful productivity can seem like a daunting task, but take it from me. It's well worth the effort. Life can get hectic, but by letting the principles of mindfulness act as a guiding point in your everyday life, you can be present in the midst of it all.