#wendy because she’s in love with a serial killer

[thelovetheystole]

It's another long rant, I'm afraid...

Why are people treating crumbs as a feast with Emmerdale these days? I remember back when we would complain about the lack of Robron scenes in general, no real conclusions to their fights, both their povs not being shown etc. But we were well fed and most importantly, we knew they knew each other. And pretty early on too.

I just had someone tell me that the show is committed to Aaron and John as a couple, and John as a character. Well, if this is the show's idea of commitment, what does their non-commitment look like?

They actually put it in the script that John didn't realize how close Aaron and Robert were or that they shared so much even though he knew they were married. That is the show telling us, the viewers, this couple doesn't talk. They don't know each other. They may even say they love each other at one point, but they don't talk, not about important stuff anyway. Even off screen.

Aaron clams up if someone speaks Robert's name to him. He can't talk about him when his boyfriend asks, 5 years later, without flying off the handle and shutting down the conversation. In canon. Yet his boyfriend and Robert share dna and a last name! Aaron deflects, claims he doesn't love Robert anymore, only Seb. And John believes him? Even with the reactions it brings out of Aaron? Okay.

But they haven't shown them talking about other things either, like this Aiden Moore, or spending 12 years in the army, why he was living in his van or if he has any significant exes?

Or Aaron's other boyfriends, his prison past, life on the run in France, his other traumas, his relationship with his mum. Liv! The illegal activities that he apparently still partakes in, for fun. They clearly haven't discussed the Dingle code!

And as far as the show being committed to John as a character? Sure, they've given him a job, where he shares scenes with other characters, they made sure we know Chas approves. (When has that been a positive thing for a boyfriend of Aaron's in the past?)

But John is a Sugden, that's why he was brought in, right? So why doesn't he get to know his new sister then? They know each other on the surface, he's territorial about both her and Aaron with Robert. John's the one in their life now! But he doesn't know them. Because if he did, he would know why Robert is in prison, why Harry's dad isn't around, and who his co-worker Wendy is.

Victoria knows about Aiden Moore, yet he knows nothing about her. They can't even write in a 20 second scene in where the siblings sit around and talk about anything family related that isn't tied to the man John is involved with? They only talked briefly about Robert and Seb in terms of John's relationship with Aaron, not in the sense that they are supposed to be John's family members.

She could, I don't know, take him to see Jack's grave? Show him where she scattered Annie's ashes? Tell him she was once married? They could show him fetching/delivering backpacks for his nephew Harry instead of for Aaron's sister? Make me believe he's actually here as something more than Dr Hair or Kayak Boy with the last name Sugden tacked on for buzzy headlines Aaron's love interest!

What they should have done was establish him as a character, as a Sugden, first. Put in some real effort if we are meant to think he could stand shoulder to shoulder with characters like Robert and Andy. And it should have been done before putting him in a relationship with a Dingle - not after.

It's actually not surprusing at all that more than half if us think he's either a fraud or a serial killer...

[butchhamlet]

a scene-by-scene playlist for macbeth--one song for each scene. you know the drill by now. track list with rationale under the cut; special thanks to @blackcatarts for help with the selection :3 happy halloween season, y'all.

track list + rationale

act one

1.1 (the witches enter) - Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Lorde Cover) (feels self-explanatory, plus the vibe of it feels like panning in over a foggy battlefield)

1.2 (duncan finds out macbeth slayed) - Aneurysm by Nirvana (found this one on this macbeth playlist a while back and it has remained a macbeth song to me forever and ever; the manic energy fits the battlefield fervor here)

1.3 (macbeth and banquo meet the witches) - They by Jem (“and it’s ironic too // ‘cause what we tend to do // is act on what they say // and then it is that way… who are they? where are they? how can they possibly know all this?”)

1.4 (duncan names malcolm his successor) - Money Money Money by ABBA (he’s plotting! he’s planning! stars, hide your fires! look just trust me on this one)

1.5 (lady macbeth reads the letter & reunites with macbeth) - She’s Kerosene by the Interrupters (every lyric of this song is about lady macbeth.)

1.6 (lady macbeth welcomes duncan to her castle) - Silver Platters by Les Gold (“no need to be cordial // you could be immortal // if you take the risk // could you take the risk?” + “step out on the dance floor // this is what you asked for // such a pretty face // what was it underneath the mask for?”)

1.7 (the macbeths argue) - Fight For Me by AlicebanD (macbeths song of all time!!!)

act two

2.1 (dagger scene) - Disturbia by Rihanna (the supernatural begins to bleed into the world! will someone please direct a macbeth where this comes on during this scene) 

2.2 (post-murder argument) - Prowl Great Cain by The Mountain Goats (very macbeth song. placed here for “and i feel guilty, but i can’t feel ashamed!” & mention of sleepwalking & betrayal & prowling [cf. his line about tarquin in 2.1])

2.3 (porter scene, duncan’s death comes out) - Daniel in the Den by Bastille (“felled in the night by the ones you think you love // they will come for you” + “and for every king that died // they would crown another”)

2.4 (hey. don’t cry. duncan’s horses ate each other) - When He Died by Lemon Demon (literally a song about the world getting fucked up after a guy dies what can i say)

act three

3.1 (banquo gets suspicious) - Aha! by Imogen Heap (entire song about people pretending to be better than they are, including an actual serial killer. + “cost you to keep me quiet” with banquo…)

3.2 (the macbeths are fracturing) - The Horror of Our Love by Ludo (EXTREMELY MACBETHS SONG. here because this is the scene where they start to switch places, with him the one buying into violence as the answer & telling her not to worry about gory details)

3.3 (banquodeath) - Bury A Friend by Billie Eilish (rdj meme voice: he has murdered his friend)

3.4 (banquet scene) - Bird Song by Florence + the Machine (song about killing the witness and then being haunted by that witness and completely losing your shit trying to shut their ghost up…)

3.5 (hecate) - Hecate by Wendy Rule (i don’t give a shit about this scene i’m sorry. interpolation boooooo)

3.6 (lennox talks politics) - Dark Doo Wop by MS MR (foggy apocalyptic ones. “it’s all gone to shit // it’s out of our hands”)

act four

4.1 (double double toil & trouble) - Hot Knife by Fiona Apple (i’m a hot knife i’mmmm a hot knife i’m a hot knife he’s a pat of butter… you’re just gonna have to trust me on this one. my school’s macbeth had heavy drumming all through this scene and it’s associated with this song to me forever)

4.2 (macduff’s family is murdered) - Pretty Little Things by the Crane Wives (songs about pretty/fragile things being destroyed because of men’s betrayal… thinking about how lady macduff blames her husband for abandoning her to the wolves :( )

4.3 (malcolm and macduff) - All or Nothing by the Dream Masons (songs that are about both malcolm and macduff. the first verse especially is very malcolm, as a young prince stranded among enemies; the chorus is especially macduff-deciding-to-kill-macbeth-or-die-trying)

act five

5.1 (lady macbeth sleepwalks) - Tymps (The Sick in the Head Song) by Fiona Apple (LADY MACBETH GUILT SONG! “those boon times went bust // my feet of clay, they dried to dust // the red isn’t the red we painted, it’s just rust” w her imaginary bloodstains, + “i’m either so sick in the head i need to be bled dry to quit // or i just really used to love him // i sure hope that’s it”)

5.2 (the scots and english gather) - Marked Man by Mieka Pauley (songs i considered for 4.3 as well. they are coming to Get His Ass)

5.3 (macbeth preparing to fight) - For the Departed by Shayfer James (songs about knowing you’re about to get got but what does it matter when you’re already damned)

5.4 (the fucking wood is moving guys) - Kingdom Fall by Claire Wyndham (songs i almost put on the prior scene, for “i’d rather watch my kingdom fall // i want it all or not at all,” but eventually i placed it here because… well, we are watching the kingdom fall, my guy)

5.5 (tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow) - Drowning in the Sound by Amanda Palmer (okay, this is kind of because of “sound and fury,” but also it’s soooo macbeth act 5. “and the body is a temple but the temple is a prison and the prison’s overcrowded and the inmates know it’s flooded and the body politic is getting sicker by the second” + “do you ever feel like this should be officially the end? // and that you should be the one to do the ending, but you can’t?” + the inevitability…)

5.6 (scots + english arrive) - Lion’s Teeth by the Mountain Goats (song about trying to kill a powerful and tyrannical figure. also sounds like a fight scene)

5.7 (macduff and macbeth come face to face) - Bury Me Face Down by grandson (so obsessed with how firmly this guy would rather go down fighting than do literally anything easier)

5.8 (macbeth’s head presented, malcolm crowned) - King of the World by WAR*HALL (a new king is crowned after one dies by violence. fleance is still out there somewhere. the cycle of violence continues. this one doesn’t work unless you imagine the witches watching pityingly/sinisterly in the background)

[vanessamandaceo]

Heartbeat

My first Vanessamanda fic! Dedicated to @burgershopsammi @tired-bunni @vannysgirl @mallickscottkisser

I’m so excited for this. I know I only posted the preview today, but I really wanted to put it out because it was finished but I thought that the editing would take a little while but I ended up finishing that . There’s mentions of child abuse, and heavy implications of Ness and Mandy hooking up. 

Vanessa was used to cleaning up her father’s messes, and she thought she would escape that when she left Utah for New Jersey two years ago, but in a sad unfortunate twist of fate; she became an apprentice to America’s most wanted serial killer.

Cleaning up another old man’s blood stained messes.

But at least she met her wife by doing that. It was January 2006, The two of them had just gotten married illegally last month; despite knowing each other for only 18 months.

Same sex marriage wasn’t legal and Vanessa knew that it was unfair that she had to go the illegal route to get married. She was supposed to be upholding the law, not breaking it. But on the other hand, she didn’t give a fuck. She loved Amanda.

She mindlessly played with the ring on her finger until she was snapped out of her thoughts by a nuzzle against her cheek. “Hey, bunny. You okay back here?”

“I’m fine, Mandy. It’s just the game John has planned for April has me fucked up. Does he seriously want to kidnap a doctor and have them perform surgery on his fucking brain?!”

“John knows what he’s doing. It sounds mundane, but please don’t question him like that, okay?” Amanda’s slightly bitter tone sent sparks of electricity through Vanessa. If this was a bedroom situation, and Amanda was speaking to her like that, she would fold like a lawn chair. But since this was a disturbing situation, she was disgusted. She knew if she was anybody else, Amanda would be flipping her lid and screaming at her.

Amanda had a very weird relationship with John, and not in a good way. As a police officer, Vanessa has seen this case countless times. Amanda was a victim of grooming, John being the perpetrator.

Vanessa knew her wife was a victim of childhood abuse, and she recognized that John took advantage of that, especially at her lowest.

John had punished and tortured Amanda because she was a drug addict, claiming that this could fix her.

What John fails to realize though is abused children become abused adults, some of them having severely broken minds.

Watching John willingly take advantage of her wife, made her want to kill him, but she couldn’t. By killing John, Vanessa would be risking everything she had with Amanda.

Amanda pulled her in for a hug. “ I know you worry about me, but I promise I’m fine,” Amanda began, peppering kisses along Vanessa’s collarbone. “You need to relax.”

“ I cannot relax and you know that.”

“Why? Is that fucking weirdo security guard still looking for you?!”

“His name is Mike and I don’t know. He’s not weird, he knows I’m a lesbian and has not asked me out on any dates since I told him I was before I left Utah.”

Vanessa could see partial jealousy in Amanda‘s eyes. It was the protective type and she understood why her wife Felt the way she did.

“ I don’t trust any men besides John around you, not only because of my past, but because of yours. I had an abusive father, and so did you. But yours also killed a bunch of children and made you clean up the mess at the age of 12.”

Vanessa’s green eyes looked into Amanda’s “Babe, I don’t need a play-by-play of my childhood thank you. And I was nine.”

But the fact that she didn’t trust any men besides John made Vanessa sick inside. John was tearing Amanda apart, and since that evil old bastard had her right where she wanted him, she couldn’t even see it.

“You wanna go out? We could go to Wendy’s. We haven’t had a date night in a while.” Amanda’s offer cut through Vanessa’s thoughts like a butter knife. “Yeah. Why not?”

~

Vanessa, being nearly as tall as Mark Hoffman, threatened the hell out of him to take care of John and that’s how they were able to go out for the night. The two of them sat at a table, drowned out by chatter. two toddler aged siblings were play fighting on the floor near the couple, laughing.

“You still want kids with me one day?” Amanda asked, making a small gesture to the children.

“ Neither of us are mentally sound enough to take care of another human being, let alone multiple. Besides, we have a dog named Sparky, and I think she counts as our child.”

“VANESSA?!”

Vanessa knew that voice. Her body went rigid, her finger trembling against the table as she gripped it. She never wanted Mike to find her for her own sake, and yet he did. Amanda got up and stalked towards Mike. “What fucking business do you have asking for my girlfriend?” Amanda snapped. She wanted to say wife so badly, but she could not risk going back to jail.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Mike asked, clearly bewildered.

“I’m sorry, Let me be more fucking formal this time. I’m Amanda, Vanny’s girlfriend, and you had no business coming in here to bother her.”

“It's a public restaurant. Besides, she’s a friend of mine.”

“ I don’t give a shit if it’s a public restaurant, ‘Mike’. “

All eyes were on Amanda now. Her relationship with Vanessa was nobody’s business, and this asshole from Utah was getting on her nerves.

Vanessa still sat at that table, just wanting to go back to their apartment.

“Ness?”

Vanessa’s head snapped up. There stood Abby, now sixteen. She hasn’t seen her since she left. “Hi, Abby. How are you?” Those were the only words she could get out, her brain still completely wracked.

“I’m okay, I guess. Was I the reason you left?”

Vanessa finally turned. “No, no, no. It wasn’t you. It was-“

“ It was Mike, wasn’t it?” Abby cut her off before she could tell her why, The teenager stormed off and started yelling at her brother. Amanda walked back, wrapping an arm around Vanessa. “Babe, we’re going home.” Amanda sounded almost aggressive and it didn’t help that Vanessa was trying to hold back tears.

It wasn’t Mike.

It wasn’t Abby.

It was her dead father, and that fucking restaurant of his.

She wanted to get away from it all. But now that the entire country knew who her father was, would she be able to? She legally changed her last name from Afton to a last name she picked out herself, Shelly, when she was 18 in 1993. It was the only way she could try to distance herself from him as much as she could, but even as a police officer, he was still controlling everything she did, and making sure she cleaned up every single victim he had.

And now, she was stuck doing it again.

She had her missing piece with her, but it was still a cycle of repetitive abuse. The two of them were nothing but puppets, the puppet master now in a stolen hospital bed in a crude replication of a hospital room.

Amanda helped Vanessa in the back of her car, seeing the stress in her eyes.

When they got back to the meat packing plant, Amanda quickly got her girlfriend inside and immediately to their shared mattress that lay on top of two floor shelving units. Sparky, their rescued German shepherd mix curled beside Vanessa in an attempt at comfort. Amanda kissed Vanessa’s lips before nuzzling her face and putting a blanket over her.

“Sleep well, Vanny. I love you,” Amanda breathed as she crawled into bed beside her. “Always.”

Sparky moved in between her human moms, wriggling until she flopped on her back.

~

Vanessa jolted awake in a sweat, sobbing. Amanda stirred. “Bunny?” She mumbled, voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“My dreams. I’m brought back to June 23rd,1985. I’m still nine, and I’m in the arcade of Freddy’s. My dad, William, calls for me. Mama was at work, so I often stayed at Freddy’s until dad left. I assumed he called my name because we were going home, but no. I stood in the doorway of the back room and I saw-“

Vanessa shook as she began to hyperventilate. Amanda pulled her in, whispering in her ear. “Ground yourself, Nessie. He’s not here, he cannot hurt you anymore. If he even tries to find you, I’ll kill him myself. Okay?”

Vanessa gripped Amanda. Once she calmed down, she murmured, “I’ll kill yours, too. I know what he did to you, Mandy. I read his file at the station, and the amount of visceral rage he gives me is so fucking palpable.”

Amanda didn’t even flinch. She just leaned in, and kissed her cheek. “Little miss law breaker… I should put you in cuffs for that, you know.” Amanda winked, a light joke in the heat of the moment.

“Wouldn’t be the first time you stole my cuffs only to use them on me. Remember New Year’s Day 2005?”

“Of course I remember last year. We almost got caught by Hoffman. Absolutely disgusting.” Amanda grimaced, Vanessa laughing.

“Not my fault!”

“Yes, it was, blondie. You’re loud.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“But you love me.”

“Do I?” Vanessa joked, Amanda smothering her in kisses. “Yeah, you do.”

Vanessa kissed her back. “Of course I do.”

The two leaned back when Sparky wanted love. The pup was essentially their child, completing their family in a way.

But there was always the gnawing feeling of wanting more.

But in their line of ‘work’, it was impossible. Vanessa and Amanda wouldn’t dare bring a child into their world of blood and pain.

The two lay on that dingy mattress, dreaming of a life that could’ve been theirs. No games, no John Kramer, no blood to scrub off of walls. Just them, Sparky, a home, and maybe a child or two.

But dreams are just that. Dreams.

[glittergroovy]

Post Directory: Lana Del Rey Unreleased / other

1949 / Afraid / All Smiles / Angels Forever / Architecture / Axl Rose Husband /

Baby Blue Love / Back To The Basics / Backfire / Bad Boy / BBM Baby / Be My Daddy / Beautiful Player / Because Of You / Behind Closed Doors / Ben / Bentley / Big Bad Wolf / Big Eyes / Big Spender / Blizzard / Boarding School / Bollywood Hawaii / Break My Fall / Breaking My Heart / Buddy’s Rendezvous / Butterflies / Butterflies (Part 2) /

C U L8R Alligator / Catch & Release / Caught You Boy / Children Of The Bad Revolution /Come When You Call Me America / Criminals Run The World / Crooked Cop /

Damn You / Dance For Money / Dangerous Girl / Daytona Meth / Delicious / Disco / Dragonslayer / Dreamgirl / Drive / Driving In Cars With Boys / Dum Dum / Dynamite /

Earthquakes / Elvis (Demo) / End Of The World / Every Man Gets His Wish /

Fake Diamond / Find My Own Way / Fine China / For You / Fordham Road / Freak Like Me / French Restaurant /

Gangsta Boy / Get Drunk / Ghetto Baby / Girl That Got Away / Go Go Dancer / Golden Grill / Goodbye Kiss / Greenwich /

Hangin’ Around / Hawaiian Tropic / Heavy Hitter / Hey Blue Baby / Hey You / Hit And Run / Hollywood / Hollywood’s Dead / Hot Hot Hot / Hundred Dollar Bill /

I Can Fly / I Don’t Wanna Go / I Must Be Stupid For Being So Happy / I Still Love Him / I Talk To Jesus / I Want It All / I Was In A Bad Way / If I Die Young / In The Sun / In Wendy / Is It Wrong? /

Jealous Girl / Jesus Is My Boyfriend / JFK / Jimmy Gnecco /

Kinda Outta Luck /

Lake Placid / Last Girl On Earth / Let My Hair Down / Life Is Beautiful / Lift Your Eyes / Live Or Die / Looking For America /

Maha Maha / Making Out / Match Made In Heaven / Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight / Melancholia / Methamphetamines / Midnite Dancer Girlfriend / Moi Je Joue / Money Hunny / More Mountains / Motel 6 / My Best Days / My Song 57 /

Never Let Me Go / Noir / On Our Way /

Ooh Baby /

Paradise / Paris / Party Girl (St. Tropez) / Pin-Up Galore / Pink Champagne / Playground / Playing Dangerous / Prom Song (Gone Wrong) / Puppy Love / Push Me Down / Put The Radio On / Put Your Lips Together /

Queen Of Disaster /

Resistance / Roses / Run Motorcycle /

Scarface / Serene Queen / Serial Killer / She's Not Me / So Good (Summer Bummer Demo) / So Legit / Some Things Last A Long Time / Starry Eyed / Stoplight De-Lite / Strange Love / Summer Of Sam / Super Movie /

Teenage Wasteland / Television Heaven / The Happiest Girl In The Whole USA / The Man I Love / There’s Nothing To Be Sorry About / Tired Of Singing The Blues / Trash (Miss America) / Trash Magic / True Love On The Side / TV In Black And White /

Unidentified Flying Bill / Us Against The World /

Velvet Crowbar /

Wait / Watercolor Eyes / Wayamaya / Westbound / What’s A Girl To Do / Wild One /

Yes To Heaven / You & Me / You Can Be The Boss / You Must Love Me / You’re Gonna Love Me / You, Mister / Young And Beautiful / Your Band Is All The Rage / Your Girl

SEE HERE for directory of her released music

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

Let's dream up Robron storylines. Happy ones. Simple domestic fluff types. Or edgy ones. I don't care, really. But let's all feel the Robron love this Christmas season and make it special for ourselves.

I think i've pretty much shared everything I want for them already.

But maybe them adopting/fostering an older kid when they get back together properly and are a family with Seb again. Maybe a teenager that's had a rough life up till then and they just want to give them all the love and support they can - and they didn't have themselves growing up. Maybe a kid they meet through some kind of program with the church - where they put "troubled" kids to work to keep them on the straight and narrow. I'd like them to be the older brother/father figures to a kid like that.

Aaron changes his name to Sugden - and the dingles can choke

Aaron takes over the garage from Cain after he retires - only Ross still owns part of it too so he has to work with Ross

Robert working WITH Kim - as her second in command that she's 'training' to take over the business when she retires

Jamie comes back and robron work/scheme to get him and Mack together

chas/charity/marlon/rhona/mandy/eggy/meatloaf all go on a LONG cruise around the world and may or may not come back

john is a serial killer and takes out wendy - just because. and then he goes on the cruise with chas & co

and maybe an ACTUAL pride episode where Matty gets a voice as well as robron and Vanessa - and there's no stupid B-plot with stolen money or some drag queen celebrity cameo.

[slaygentford]

9, 10, 17, 23 but mindhunter. now you can be sooooo controversial because who is gonna get mad? the mindhunter fandom? like...

oh my GODDDDDugh finally the real questions

9. worst part of canon um the way that Nancy only appeared properly in the second season. Nancy was that bitch in her huge orange plastic sunglasses chain-smoking watching dead eyed as her husband obliviously drank a beer. there was so much there. she's younger than bill and clearly not as naive as he thinks she is but she's also not a Betty draper she's way more self aware. it's soooooo fucking annoying that her drama was about her kid being a serial killer which is so obvious and lazy when it should've been built off of her crying on Debbie's shoulder 2 hours into meeting her wine drunk bc bill is so unreachable and she feels like she can't give him anything. like GIRLLLL what happened to that. their marriage couldve dissolved in such an ugly and interesting and nuanced way I can't believe they did her like that I love divorce and it could've carried a flagging season . also the Manson needle drop was so ill done

10. worst part of fanon we HAVEEEE to stop. pretending that bill doesn't wear polo shirts. like I know we don't want to face that truth but we (5 people) haaaaave to accept it. we just have to. like he's a narc it's literally part of the whole thing

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art the entire dynamic in three missing girls OBVIOUSLY. more of the mindhunter s3 fic... I love you. I miss you. LESS OF THE REAL LIFE SERIAL KILLER STUFF. jesus christ. what the fuck the overlap in this place is so dicey it gives you a real idea of the intended demographic I'll say that much

23. ship you’ve unwillingly come around to bottom Wendy carr was a HUGE moment. paradigm shift. I think she's one of those people who knows exactly who and what she is esp at the end of her last relationship. the sneaking suspicion she's had since she left her first partner that she's going to die alone is now confirmed as fate/fact. wendy/dying alone

[themrswallace]

If you think about it, A Matter Of Loaf And Death is pretty freaking sad because for--what? 13/16/20ish years Wallace minorly fawned over Piella Bakewell, The spokeswoman for Bake-O-Lite products, daydreamed about her, wondered what he'd do if they ever met, etc. Then one day there she is, in the flesh, his dream woman, she's put on a few pounds and isn't as young as she was...or as pretty, probably isn't all that nice really either tbh but she's here and it's one big dream come true...until it isn't. Worst off, yes she turns out to be a serial killer but in the end (SPOILER) she dies, Piella dies, and Wallace loses his Bake-O-Lite girl to the alligator pit! (And her own wrongdoing but like he actually cares, what's murder between partners?) As caught up as the viewer is in knowing something is very wrong and following Gromit on his discovery to uncover the truth about his "New Mummy", Wallace is at the same time caught up in love, genuine love for someone he spent years waiting for (Oh god imagine if he ended up with Lady T or Wendy and then Piella showed up on the scene like...the man wouldn't know what to do) to then lose her in this violent, devastating way! I mean for anyone but him it's bloody tragic!

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Songs Categorised

I didn't include a few but that's covers/demos / sorted by vibe/lyrics / there are other versions of this that could be made

Bad Girl - Lana's bad girl songs that make you feel cool af

Scarface

Summer of Sam

Making Out

Put Your Lips Together

Dum Dum

Kinda Outta Luck

Children of the Bad Revolution

Dangerous Girl

Girl That Got Away

Maha Maha

Hangin' Around

Catch and Release

Queen of the Gas Station

Gramma

Smarty

St Tropez

I Learned How To Make Love

Teen Romance

Prom Song (Gone Wrong)

Paris

Puppy Love

Television Heaven

Love

Back To Tha Basics

Brooklyn Baby

Me and My Boyfriend

Sweet Romance - Somewhat gentle and cute romance songs

Starry Eyed

When I'm With You

JFK

Because of You

Daddy Issues

Tulsa Jesus Freak

Bartender

Groupie Love

Lust For Life

Lucky Ones

American

Joshy and I

Dreamgirl

For K Part 2

You Mister

Coca Cola

How Do You Know Me So Well?

Stoplight Delite

Serious Romance - They have a more serious tone but they're genuinely romantic

Yosemite

Swan Song

Cinnamon Girl

Living Legend

True Love - Deep and romantic

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Young and Beautiful

Life Is Beautiful

Venice Bitch

Love Song

California

Old Money

Off To The Races

Video Games

Never Let Me Go

On Our Way

Heartbreak - Songs for feeling all kinds of sad romantically

Thunder

Hallucinogenics

Fine China

French Restaurant

Hollywood's Dead

Your Band Is All The Rage

Afraid

Some Things Last A Hard Time

Happiness Is A Butterfly

White Mustang

Norman Fucking Rockwell

Terrence Loves You

The Blackest Day

Cruel World

Dark Paradise

Summertime Sadness

Blue Jeans

Pawn Shop Blues

Westbound

Methamphetamines

F You - Aimed for people who kind of suck

Tired of Singing the Blues

Noir

Playground

It's Not You It's Just Me

Damn You

In My Feelings

High By The Beach

Flipside

In The Sun

So Legit

Seduction - Sexual songs generally

Trash Magic

Us Against The World

Marilyn

Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Paradise

Playing Dangerous

Behind Closed Doors

You Can Be The Boss

Party Girl

Pussycat Kittycat

BBM Baby

Big Bad Wolf

Be My Daddy

Ooh Baby

Push Me Down

Delicious

Freak

Salvatore

Daddy's Girl

Burning Desire

Mermaid Motel

Yayo

Disco

Hey You

Body Electric

Kill Kill

Jimmy Gnecco

Wolf T-Shirt

Sad Romance - Kind of toxic romance or the darker side of romance

TV In Black and White

I Talk To Jesus

Colour Blue

Put The Radio On

My Best Days

Resistance

Velvet Crowbar

Breaking Up Slowly

Fuck It I Love You

The Next Best American Record

The Greatest

Cherry

Summer Bummer

Tomorrow Never Came

24

Shades of Cool

Black Beauty

Is This Happiness?

Million Dollar Man Pretty Baby

Drive By

Hey Blue Baby

Greenwich

Hawaiin Tropic

Axl Rose Husband

Butterflies Part 1

Heartshaped Chevrolet

Bellevue

Ben

How To Disappear

Dreamy - Aesthetically pleasing songs sonically, and a lot of Lana's songs are but these stand out the most

Yes To Heaven

Angels Forever Forever Angels

Ave Maria

Wayamaya

Roses Bloom

Honeymoon

Art Deco

Religion

West Coast

Guns and Roses

Bel Air

Cherry Blossom

Dangerous Love - Jealousy and obsession

Your Girl

Is It Wrong?

Jealous Girl

She's Not Me

Serial Killer

Caught You Boy

Roses

Criminal and Gangsta Love - The bad romances

Queen of Disaster

Backfire

Beautiful Player

Crooked Cop

Hundred Dollar Bill

Gangsta Boy

Live or Die

Hit and Run

Ghetto Baby

Every Man Gets His Wish

Live Forever

Bad Boy

Match Made In Heaven

Bops - They're good for bopping

Roll With Me

Motel 6

Florida Kilos

Brite Lites

Diet Mountain Dew

Boom Like That

Starlet - A lot of Lana's songs feature starlets but these are the songs that let her shine as a star

Hollywood Dynamite

Fake Diamond

A Star For Nick

Radio

Strong - Being the stronger one in the relationship

Lift Your Eyes

Serene Queen

Break My Fall

Big Eyes

I Can Fly

Get Free

Mariner's Apartment Complex

Ride

All You Need

Junky Pride

Move

There's Nothing To Be Sorry About

More Mountains

In Wendy

Wild One

Wait

Weird Vibe - They either sound creepy or just have an unsettling feel

Bentley

C U L8r Alligator

Strangelove

You and Me

Let My Hair Down

Get Drunk

Betty Boop Boop

Jump

Raise Me Up (Mississippi South)

Jesus Is My Boyfriend

Hmm - They could go into other categories but they are songs that have darker, disturbing elements

Baby Blue Love

1949

Roller Derby

Heavy Hitter

Boarding School

Ultraviolence

Lolita

Put Me In A Movie

Sad Girl - Songs with a sad vibe

Last Girl on Earth

All Smiles

Wait For Life

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have - But I Have It

13 Beaches

Heroin

Music To Watch Boys To

God Knows I Tried

Pretty When You Cry

Carmen

This Is What Makes Us Girls

Without You

Oh Say Can You See

Born To Die

Valley of the Dolls

Stripper - Pure stripper theme

Go Go Dancer

Dance For Money

Midnite Dancer Girlfriend

Other Woman - Pure other woman theme

Other Woman

True Love On The Side

Sad Girl

Cola

Next To Me

Money/Fame/Materialism - Songs that revolve around those three things

Money Power Glory

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Gods and Monsters

National Anthem

Breaking My Heart

Makes You Think - Deeper songs

Coachella

God Bless America - And All The Beautiful Women In It

When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

Change

Money Hunny

Looking For America

Songs That Sound Like Diary Entries - More personal tracks

I Must Be Stupid For Being So Happy

My Momma

Wild At Heart

Dark But Just A Game

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Blizzard

Elvis

White Dress

Aviation

Run Motorcycle

Out With A Bang

Dance Til We Die

Bad Disease

Fordham Road

I Don't Wanna Go

For You

Try Tonight

You're Gonna Love Me

Outliers - They're more happy

Come When You Call Me

Birds of a Feather

Driving In Cars With Boys

[boldlyvoid]

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It

Criminal Minds x MINDHUNTER AU

Spencer Reid x Margaret Carr (OC)

Part 1: Ed Kemper.

Summary: Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

warnings: graphic details of a real rape and murder case, like every trigger in the book, applies to this fic so read with caution (if you watch either show you're used to it, however), it's all real and did actually happen and I don't support any of it. strangers to lovers, mutual pining, flirting, fluff, eventual smut, idiots in love, OC is Wendy Carr's daughter, her bio father is Jason Gideon

word count: 3.9K

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't having fun teaching.

He started with guest speaking, moving to special seminars a few times a year. But he wanted something more, settling for a 7-week criminal justice elective of his choosing.

Intro to Criminal Minds: why they did it. Giving Spencer an excuse to share the most intimate facts about serial offenders in a setting where no one could tell him to shut up.

14 students total signed up for the two-hour Seminar, taking place every Thursday at 11 am from September until Halloween. Over the 7 weeks, he would explain the fascinating insights of the most successful killers in the United States. Only asking that his students write about a prolific crime they find interesting by the end of term, for their full grade.

All he wanted was to read about obscure killers from around the world, from the perspective of aspiring profilers.

The first Thursday, he came prepared with his coffee a half hour before the class. He wanted to write the main points on the whiteboard in advance, nice and neatly.

To his surprise, a student was already there waiting for him. "Oh, hello,” he smiled softly.

She was sitting with a book in her hands, she pushed her glasses up her nose to look at him as he walked in. She was older than his typical student, around 35. Probably finishing up a degree or adding something to what she already had.

"Hi," she smiled at him. “Sorry, I’m early, I was visiting my mom at Quantico earlier.” She explained. "I'm not a teacher's pet or anything. Promise, I’m not even a student.”

It made him laugh slightly, correcting him like she read his mind. "It's okay, I'm Doctor Reid," he introduced himself softly.

“Margaret Carr, Peggy is also fine.”

"Pleasure to meet you," he said quickly before focusing his attention on the whiteboard.

He could feel her eyes on him the whole time he wrote, not wanting to turn around and catch her. "That's so interesting," he heard her mumble under her breath.

"Hmm?" He turned around.

"It's just that, everyday occurrences that never phase the regular person somehow cause psychopaths to kill," she read the board back to him.

"I was reading a study a while back about how psycho killers medulla oblongata is approximately 19% smaller than the average human’s. Based on the way they're nurtured as children affects if they grow up to kill. The ones that don't often end up in law enforcement and other positions of power where their psychopathic tendencies can come to play."

He was taken aback for a moment. He had never experienced a student who was like him before. Someone who just pulled facts into conversations like it was nothing.

"I read that as well," he smiled. "It is fascinating. The smallest amount of bullying and abuse from a mother or disappearance of a father figure can set them off."

"Or, on the other hand, there are people like Ted Bundy," she added. "He was well-loved and taken care of, but it went to his head. His god complex and affinity for lying led him to be incredibly charismatic and enabled his killing."

"You're very educated on this already; are you just interested in hearing me speak today?" He asked, not wanting her to leave, finding it interesting that she was there.

"Oh," she blushed. "I was going to talk to you more about it after the seminar actually."

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you,” he felt a little giddy at the prospect.

"Thanks," she laughed. "Seriously though, I'm a big fan of your teaching style, I saw a few of your classes when my dad was teaching at the academy in 2005. It's a lot easier to remember facts if the lecturer genuinely loves what they're talking about."

"You're going to like this Seminar then. It’s basically just a way for me to get paid while unloading all the random facts I have,” he warned her with a smile.

"I know." She smiled back at him.

The rest of his students filed in slowly. By 11 am, 14 faces were staring back at him.

"Hello," he waved awkwardly. "I'm dr. Spencer Reid. For the last 12 years, I've worked with the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit. Catching serial offenders across the country."

He took a deep breath, letting the nerves find their way out of him. "I've been asked time and time again who my favourite serial killer is, which is a peculiar way to phrase the question. It feels morally wrong to have a favourite in the way people do with baseball players.

"I am, however, fascinated with several serial offenders' reasoning and explanation for why they did what they did. Every single killer is different, but it all comes back to 1 thing. Do you know what that is?"

They all shook their heads. “What is your relationship with your parents like?" He asked. 

Everyone in the room reacted; some students sighed, some rolled their eyes as they recalled their parents and childhoods to memory.

"When a person decides to kill, it's often never in the moment. It's in childhood. The majority of serial offender's stories start the same; their mother didn't love them, their father left. Someone at home abused them or put them down repeatedly."

"Thus, causing a hatred so primal to bubble. No matter how hard they try and fight it, the bubble always bursts. They go from fantasizing to killing in retaliation for their abuse, taking the anger out in stages."

He referred to the board. "Every killer has a stressor and a trigger—something that causes the urge to bubble and the event that causes the bubble to rupture.”

"Edmund Kemper is a fascinating example of this. He grew up with a family for the first few years of his life before his father fully abandoned them. His mother handled the situation by turning her anger onto her son; it was his fault his father left, he looked just like him, Ed was just another useless man who would never amount to anything," he emphasized the words. Hoping the class sees the effects words have on children.

"He started by cutting up dolls, stealing his sister's barbies and cutting their heads off. In his mind, he was getting out his anger and hatred for how his mother saw him. She hated men, causing him to mature with a warped idea of what women are truly like."

"His attraction to killing worsened his mother's hatred; she could tell something was wrong with him, that he didn't react to everyday situations the way he should. By the time he was ten, she was locking him in the basement for days on end, telling him he was a monster and her biggest regret."

"The change in her rage amplified his own. He hated hearing her speak. He hated the way she walked around, thinking she was better than him. That just because she was a mother and a working woman, she deserved respect and submissive’s. All he could see was a woman with a big head who needed to be humbled. This is the moment when the psychotic side of his brain blended his hatred of his mother with how good it felt to kill."

"Is that why he, you know?" Peggy cut in, running her finger along her neck as she pretended to cut her head off.

He pressed his lips together in an awkward smile, nodding. "His signature, as it's called, was decapitation. But more specifically necrophiling the severed head of his victims."

The whole class let out a disgusted noise, Peggy and Spencer making eye contact while they shrugged, it wasn't news to them.

"At age ten, he moved from barbies to cats and dogs, never leaving them around for his mother to see. While he hated her, he was also absolutely terrified of her. Breading a special type of killer. When you think of school shooters or preferential predators, what do they have in common?" He asked.

He pointed at a student in the back. "They have a specific type of victim they’re after?"

"Exactly. Most serial offenders want to go after the cause of their pain or attraction. However, Ed wasn't able to kill the source of his rage for a long time. His mother mentally abused him so intensely that he believed she was in control of him and that her opinion of him mattered. He saw her as his God, he loved her, but he also knew that he disappointed her.

"He ran away soon after to find his father. Travelling to California, only to be told he was unwanted there as well. It wasn't just his mother that his father was escaping; it was the fundamental aspect of family that he didn't want. Ed defiantly didn't want to go back to his mother after that, so he moved in with his paternal grandparents."

He kept catching the looks on Peggy's face. She knew the story already, waiting patiently to hear the words he chose to make the horrific acts seem a little more conversational.

"His grandmother was exactly like his mother. If I had to guess, his father most likely had a distaste for his own mother and thus divorced Ed's mom. Only he never grew up to be a killer, just an absent father—his absence doing to Ed what never happened to him."

"Ed killed his grandparents when he was 15. Telling the police and his therapists that they had beaten him constantly, they refused to feed him and called him names. He said he snapped from the trauma; it was self-defence."

Peggy laughed to herself, making him smile softly. "Sending him to a mental hospital instead of a juvenile facility was the worst thing they could've done for him," Spencer added.

"Why?" A student asked.

"Ed is a psychopath." He reminded them. "He doesn't feel empathy the way we do. You can admit that you feel bad for him, yes? If you understand why he killed people, it doesn't make you sick, like him, it makes you human. You see a hurt person hurting others; Ed Kemper sees himself as a new sort of God, choosing who dies, how and when."

"He was brilliant, having the exact IQ as I do," just a humblebrag, "the staff trusted him. He looked like an innocent boy, smart enough to take matters into his own hands for the betterment of his life. They gave him computer privileges, they let him work the front desk and file patient information. Giving him all the resources to learn about who he was inside and how to get away with it perfectly."

"Damn," another kid added. "When did he get out?"

"At 21.” He answered the student quickly. “Ed was interviewed by my mentor Jason Gideon, in the 70s. Where he explained that being locked up during his sexual prime, as well as the access to information, is what truly set him off more than his mother.

"He moved back in with her and his sister when he came out of the institution, immediately returning to the constant ridicule. He went from being told all the time that he was a smart and charming young man, capable of rehabilitation to a useless, no-good son, who would have been better off collecting in a condom or running down her leg."

The whole class laughed, shocked at his repetition of Ed's mother's words.

"He got his licence when he was released. And remember, this was prime time for hitchhiking in California; everyone and their mother walked the roads with a thumb in the air. It was the birth of free love and recreational marijuana usage. It was also the best hunting ground for a learning serial killer."

"He was able to pick women up, but like I said, missing his sexual prime while in an institution made him almost impotent. He didn't know how to speak to women; he had to create a fantasy in his mind every time, one that involved killing, before he could look at a woman."

"How did he get them in his car then?" A voice asked from the back.

"He was 6'9, 300lbs; he looked like a big teddy bear. And his mother was the local college administrative assistant, so the whole town knew him anyway. If Ed offered to give them a ride, it wouldn't be that bad, right?" Peggy turned around to face the class as she explained for Spencer, who just shook his head.

"He only wanted to rape the victims, originally," Spencer added. "But he couldn't. There was no release of the tension. The bubble that had been growing inside him was at its breaking point; he needed to just do it. Get it over with and move on."

"He killed 6 women in succession after that. Gaining the name "The Co-Ed Killer," well before anyone even suspected Ed Kemper," Spencer took a sip of coffee, feeling his throat start to dry as they reached the insane part.

"He was overly friendly with the cops; he wanted to get his record expunged and join the force.” Spencer finally continued. “Being told, "don't worry about your record, worry about your weight.""

"Most killers enjoy wearing a uniform for the power and talking to the police about their cases, in the hopes of gauging how smart they really are—taking pride in the fact that they are getting away with it for so long."

"He watched all the cop shows, and he read all the books. He knew that in order to get away with it, he had to do it where no one could trace it back to him. He knew he had to keep his cool and avoid looking obsessed with the case, but just curious enough to gain insight into how they thought he was doing it. It went on for years, and they had absolutely zero leads, finding headless bodies every few months before they finally received a call." He left them hanging, walking over to his sheet of paper and pretending to read it while they anticipated the catch.

"Ed always knew that he wanted to kill his mother. He just never knew when,” Spencer teased the story along. Noticing as the students fidgeted in their seats as they wondered what happened next.

“In his interview with Gideon, Ed said that he knew she would die 7 days before he killed her. He walked into her room that night to find her reading, with the audacity to ask if he wanted to come in and chat all night. Teasing him for the way he rambled to her. It was the last time she ever did that."

"It's hard to imagine his signature with the fact his second last victim was his mother," Peggy added, cringing at the thought.

"Wait," another student interjected. "Who was his last kill then if he only really wanted to kill her?"

"Remember how I said he lacked empathy?" Spencer asked. "He loved his mother in the same way a prisoner can end up loving their captor."

Peggy nods at the comparison, looking like she's never thought of it that way before, then smiling at him.

"You grow a bond through the trauma and when the only thing you've ever known is violence and hate, you don't know what to do when that's gone, it's hard to cope."

"He said he killed his mother so that she never had to know what he did. She'd never have to sit at his court hearings or be able to tell the media that she always knew he was a killer."

"His last kill was his mother's best friend," He finally answered the question.

"He didn't want his mother to be even more disappointed in him, but he also didn't want his mother's best friend to find her like that and be upset. So the obvious answer to him was to kill her too."

"What the fuck?" He heard a couple of kids say under their breath.

"Yeah," he agreed with an almost chuckle. "This is what I mean by their answers are fascinating. It makes so much sense to them; clearly, if I kill my mother, her friend will be upset, so the best answer would be to put her out of her misery as well. He sees them as objects, like a matching set. One would lose value without the other."

Everyone was silent then. The students took in all the information they had just received, staring up at him with a look of disgust mixed with wonder.

"Any questions?"

Peggy raised her hand for a change; he pointed towards her in approval. "You missed the part where he specifically took the heads from the three women before his mother and brought them back home with him. He buried them in the yard outside her bedroom window, making sure they were always looking up to her."

Spencer was amazed that she knew the details. "Yes, I guess I did."

"I always found that part particularly interesting in this case," Peggy added. "Her opinion mattered so much to him. He knew how much she loved her co-ed's and how they looked up to her so much. They'd be exactly like her. He felt trapped in a town of women who were exactly like his nightmare, and his response was to make them physically look up to her for the rest of her life."

"Exactly." Spencer smiled. "understanding how he sees the situation and how the events played out in his mind is the key in figuring out who he is."

"If you were on the case in '72 when the first victims were discovered, how would you have handled it, Dr. Reid?" A male student in the back asked in the silence between answers, taking his shot before Peggy and Spencer went any further in their discussion.

“That's a hard thing to answer, connecting evidence back then was a lot harder than it is today, if it wasn’t for men like Ed there wouldn’t really be this many answers,” Spencer said honestly.

Another student put her hand up, “what’s the worst thing he did in your opinion?”

That racked his brain, there was a handful of horrific things he did that were particularly horrific, “probably his mother's entire murder.”

“What did he do?”

Before Spencer could answer he saw Peggy open her mouth and start explaining. “He not only cut off her head and fucked her neck, but he also took her vocal cords out and shoved them down the garbage disposal. And before he called the cops, he cleaned everything up and made her look presentable because he said his mother wouldn’t want guests to see the mess.”

The class all cringed, sinking into their seats with disgust. But that didn’t stop Peggy from explaining it all further.

“He used to go to a bar all the cops went to and he would talk about his case. They would always one-up themselves and say they were close which gave him this false idea that they were on his tail and they’d find his mother soon. But when they didn’t, he called it in from a payphone and said he’d come over and explain it all. And boy did he ever, the cops said he wouldn’t shut up. And then when they put him in the cop car finally, a woman walked past him and he threw up.”

Spencer watched her with awe, the way she could call information to memory like that was beautiful. He listened to her like he’s never heard a fact before, she was so intriguing.

“Thank you for the detail,” he teased her lightly. “Sometimes I get so caught up that the really gross parts get swept aside.”

The class smiled at him, he had gained their trust and attention within only 1 hour of class.

“I know you said you don’t have a favourite,” another student asked from the back. “I agree it’s weird, but who is the one you gravitate towards the most?”

“I’ve met hundreds of serial killers, I’ve read about thousands,” he explained. “I think Ed Kemper is the one I gravitate the most around because he was so willing and open to explaining why he is the way he is. Going as far as to say that the only way they could keep women safe is to give him a lobotomy. He didn’t believe there was any correcting to be done, only removal of the evil within him.”

He heard slight mumbles as everyone took in what he said. “Does anyone here have a killer or a case that interested them in learning more, or just introduced you to the chase of justice?”

Peggy put her hand up, “I personally think BTK is the scariest, most tactical, and just downright evil man to ever exist. He scares me to no end but he’s so interesting to learn about.”

“Ahh,” Spencer agreed. “Too bad you won't be here for week 3. But with that I think I’ll end the class, next week we’ll be discussing the difference between Ted Bundy and Richard Speck.” He nodded lightly, watching the majority of them close their books and had on out.

“I really enjoyed the class,” she said softly. Holding her purse in one hand, a collection of files in the other.

Spencer turned to look at her then, smiling right back. “It was a pleasure to teach alongside you.”

“What do you mean?” She teased, “it’s not like my mom and dad were the ones who did all the interviews."

“Carr,” he repeats her last name. The gears turning in his mind as he brings all the information forth.

“Your mother is Wendy Carr, she was recruited after the BTK case with Bill Tench, she’s who was behind that study you mentioned.”

“I know,” she smiled.

“Who’s your father?”

“Guess,” she looked at him with an unimpressed look on her face, pushing her glasses up slightly.

“You’re kidding? Gideon never said he had a daughter let alone a,” he stops himself before he can embarrass himself any further.

She smiled at the implication of his words, “but he’s told me all about you Dr. Reid, that’s why I'm here.”

“You need help with a case and I’m the only agent in Virginia currently,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly. Knowing it was too good to be true that she would have any interest in him in the slightest.

“No actually, I have a case I’ve been working on privately and I need some help. I asked my dad but he said you’d be able to help me the best. I agree,” she corrected him softly. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a big fan of yours. When I would sit in and watch his lectures, before he knew I was his kid, you would always step in at the best parts, adding the smallest details to the story that the average person would forget. It’s magnificent.”

He laughed slightly, tugging at his collar as she complimented him. “Thank you, you’re quite magnificent as well,” he replied with a blush and a smile

She didn’t look like Gideon, probably because she smiled so much. Like sunshine on legs, she beamed, all but blinding him with her smile as she stared at him, “do you want to get lunch and go over this case with me?”

“I’d love to.”

taglist: (message me if you want to be added or removed)

@shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[dominafamiliar]

A centuries old male protagonist who takes a liking to an underage girl and spends most of his time among teenagers and children who have no real concept of who he is. His main antagonist is deeply misunderstood and is just trying to protect the girl and those she cares about.

Did you guess Edward Cullen?

Try again.

Different story?

When they were younger, they were friends, adventured together, fought alongside each other. They had their disagreements, but loved each other like brothers. Then, one day, one learns he is betrayed. His brother in arms has been killing their own. Friends. Other brothers in arms. Children. They fight. A battle of life or death. One loses his hand and the other one leaves him for dead.

Did you guess Obi Wan and Anakin?

Third try.

They run away from home, get orphaned, or otherwise slip between the cracks. An old trickster adopts them and teaches them his ways. But the protagonists of this story have to contend with a violent antagonist who can think only of his own ambitions. They've made musicals out of this. You've got to get it this time.

Oliver????

Guess again. They're ALL Peter Pan.

In the book, Pan is ancient, but he's so against adult responsibility that he kills the Lost Boys who grow up. When Hook found out, Pan tried to kill him but only successfully cut off his hand. Hook is always depicted as capturing the Lost Boys in an attempt to draw out Pan, but like... How else do you save children who are living with a serial killer they worship?

Pan is ancient. Centuries, if not thousands of years old. He preys on children. Namely the lost and wayward kinds. The kids no one will miss when they never come back.

In contrast, Hook is an abuse victim going to extreme measures to save the other children. Because of his trauma, and perhaps the magic of Never Land, this has warped into a hyperfixation on killing Pan. But remember, none of the Lost Boys remember Hook, because Pan killed all of them. Pan maimed Hook. Cut off his hand. He continues to torment him about his impending death.

Pan is such a master of psychological reprogramming that the Lost Boys forget who they once were.

Now, Wendy Moira Angela Darling. The not-yet woman coming of age who doesn't want to conform to patriarchal standards, but once she runs away, she doesn't know what to do differently, and falls into the same role of mother and caretaker that her home society had proscribed for her. As @deliriumcrow put it, she wanted a revolution, but didn't know what to do differently once the revolution was over.

Wendy isn't at fault for what happens any more than any other runaway. Peter plays on her conditioning, her fears and hopes, her desire for something more. He promises to give her something more, but instead puts her on storytelling and medicine duties. She becomes an object of fascination to Hook as well, who attempts to recruit her to tell stories to his men.

Something to note about that...

Where Peter recruits Wendy for his amusement, it could be said that Hook's agenda was to help himself and the other pirates cope with their trauma. In either case, we have men asking a woman to do the emotional labor for them. And I will call Peter Pan a man, he's ancient. His refusal to mature is not a limitation placed on him, but rather a choice on his part to never grow up. He's manipulative, gaslighting, and abusive, and selects his targets carefully, the way a mature predator would.

But yeah. There ya go.

[michaelmilligan]

Day 15 of B&B's (@drgarth and @starrynightdeancas) Holiday Advent Calendar Event! (Midam plus some lovely queer characters. Love my man Max and his potentially queer sister Alicia. And anyone remember Wendy? No?? Well now you do.)

Reminiscing // Winter Blues // “Blue Christmas”

Max let out a deep sigh when Adam put a drink in front of him.

“I thought you liked Sex on the Beach – you know, the drink. Anything else, I can't attest to,” Adam said as he sat down next to Michael, who immediately wrapped an arm around him.

“Don't mind him, he's been like this all day.” Alicia waved it away and took a sip of her Martini while reaching for the bowl of peanuts that the bar had on every table.

“Sorry for having an emotion once in a while,” Max grumbled, glaring at his sister. She just shrugged.

“Anything specific, or are you just feeling the winter blues?” Wendy sat forward in her chair, leaning her arms on the table. One fingernail clinking against the beer bottle in her hand.

Max sighed again. “It's just depressing, you know. It's already Christmas again and...”

“And you still don't have a boyfriend,” Alicia said.

“Shut up.” Max pouted, glancing at Adam and Michael. “I mean yeah, but... mean. And it's not just that.”

“You're also bummed out that I'm the better witch.” Alicia grinned when everyone else rolled their eyes.

“You know, sometimes I forget that all of you are, like, weird,” Wendy said.

“You were kidnapped by a guy who sells human body parts to monsters,” Alicia reminded her. “But sure, we're the weird ones.”

“Hey, that was just something weird that happened to me. Otherwise I'm perfectly normal!”

“So am I,” Adam said cheerfully.

“Adam, you're over a thousand years old, I don't think you qualify-” Michael started, but Max cut him off.

“Screw the age, you have an archangel inside of you. Which...” Max eyed Michael. “Kinda jealous, 'cause he's hot. But it's also decidedly weird.”

Michael looked at him in confusion, as if the idea that someone other than Adam could be attracted to him was the weird thing here. Or maybe he was about to point out that the human form they saw was only an illusion, and didn't even come close to what he actually looked like. But Adam didn't give him time to say any of that.

“Look, I'm just some guy from Minnesota.”

“Yes, and I'm just some guy from Heaven,” Michael said.

Adam elbowed him. “You're not helping.”

“Oh, I know. I wasn't trying to.”

“Aw,” Wendy made. “Aren't they cute?”

“Disgustingly,” Alicia said with a straight face. “Now can we pick on my brother again?”

There was some shuffling under the table, and Adam was almost sure that Max and Alicia were kicking each other.

“Ouch,” Max said accusingly.

“You started it!”

“No, you did!”

“Kids, kids! I don't care who started it, but you're both gonna end it right now.” Adam grinned when they both glared at him. “Damn, I've really wanted to say that, just once.”

“Ugh. Old men are the worst,” Alicia complained, flicking a peanut in his direction.

“Now look here, young lady-”

“So do we like, not actually care what Max is sad about?” Wendy asked, raising an eyebrow at them all and not looking overly concerned.

Michael shrugged. Adam made a vague hand motion. There was some more shuffling as Alicia kicked Max under the table again (allegedly).

“Wow, you're just the best friends a guy could ask for.” Max huffed in consternation. “For the record, I'm sad because mom is dead and can't be here. There, I hope you're all happy now.”

“My mom's dead too, you're not special.” Adam slurped his own cocktail noisily.

“I never had a mother,” Michael said.

“Well I'm happy to report that I still have both my parents.” Wendy looked between them, then shrugged. “But my aunt Donna apparently hunts monsters and is friends with known serial killers and angels, if that helps.”

“I was eaten by a monster once because my dad killed its dad,” Adam added. Michael took his hand under the table.

“Oh my God, stop being so dramatic, people.” Alicia shook her head and grabbed a handful of peanuts. “The next person to come out with a sob story will be pelted with nuts.”

“I think you should all dance,” Michael suddenly said.

“Dance?” Max raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes. Physical exercise – which includes dancing – releases chemicals in human brains that-”

“Wow, you've never been less sexy than at this very moment,” Max interrupted him.

“Excuse me, knowledge about the human body is very sexy.” Adam squeezed Michael's hand.

I don't actually mind him finding me 'not sexy', Michael said in their shared mind-space. His tone was soft, almost amused, as if he found it cute that Adam was getting offended on his behalf.

Max scoffed. “Okay, clearly, you two are made for each other.”

“That's not true. It was not my Father's plan for me to possess Adam. At least I don't think so.” Michael frowned.

“Babe, it wasn't meant that literally.”

“Well I'm taking it literally.” Michael huffed.

“Weirdoooos,” Wendy said cheerfully.

“Okay, you know what?” Adam put his free hand on the table. “We should dance. Because we can either stew in our own juices, or we can get out there and have fun. And who knows, Max, maybe your sweet dance moves will attract someone's attention.”

“For the last time, this is not about-” Max cut himself off when his eyes fell on something near the counter. No, not something, Adam realised, but someone. “But you know what? Sure. Let's do it.” He got up and made a beeline for the counter, presumably to ask the bartender to turn up the music a little.

Usually at this place, the dancing started later at night, but they didn't really care. A few people even joined them once they started, but the bar wasn't very full yet. Adam just ignored the few weird looks they got, and kept dancing with Michael. They were pretty good at that, but then they had almost a thousand years of practice and could literally hear each other's thoughts. So really, it would be unfair to compare their to anyone else's dancing.

Still, Adam thought smugly, they were the best. And if Max got to strike up a conversation with a handsome stranger because of how insanely good his friends were at dancing – well, that was just an added bonus.

[nellygwyn]

BOOK RECS

Okay, so lots of people wanted this and so, I am compiling a list of my favourite books (both fiction and non-fiction), books that I recommend you read as soon as humanly possible. In the meantime, I’ll be pinning this post to the top of my blog (once I work out how to do that lmao) so it will be accessible for old and new followers. I’m going to order this list thematically, I think, just to keep everything tidy and orderly. Of course, a lot of this list will consist of historical fiction and historical non-fiction because that’s what I read primarily and thus, that’s where my bias is, but I promise to try and spice it up just a little bit. 

Favourite fiction books of all time:

The Mermaid and Mrs Hancock // Imogen Hermes Gowar

Sense and Sensibility // Jane Austen

Slammerkin // Emma Donoghue 

Remarkable Creatures // Tracy Chevalier

Life Mask // Emma Donoghue

His Dark Materials // Philip Pullman (this includes the follow-up series The Book of Dust)

Emma // Jane Austen

The Miniaturist // Jessie Burton

Girl, Woman, Other // Bernadine Evaristo 

Jane Eyre // Charlotte Brontë

Persuasion // Jane Austen

Girl with a Pearl Earring // Tracy Chevalier

The Silent Companions // Laura Purcell

Tess of the d’Urbervilles // Thomas Hardy

Northanger Abbey // Jane Austen

The Chronicles of Narnia // C.S. Lewis

Pride and Prejudice // Jane Austen

Goodnight, Mr Tom // Michelle Magorian

The French Lieutenant’s Woman // John Fowles 

The Butcher’s Hook // Janet Ellis 

Mansfield Park // Jane Austen

The All Souls Trilogy // Deborah Harkness

The Railway Children // Edith Nesbit

Favourite non-fiction books of all time

Catherine the Great: Portrait of a Woman // Robert Massie

Love and Louis XIV: The Women in the Life of the Sun King // Antonia Fraser

Madame de Pompadour // Nancy Mitford

The First Iron Lady: A Life of Caroline of Ansbach // Matthew Dennison 

Black and British: A Forgotten History // David Olusoga

Courtiers: The Secret History of the Georgian Court // Lucy Worsley 

Young and Damned and Fair: The Life of Katherine Howard, the Fifth Wife of Henry VIII // Gareth Russell

King Charles II // Antonia Fraser

Casanova’s Women // Judith Summers

Marie Antoinette: The Journey // Antonia Fraser

Mrs. Jordan’s Profession: The Story of a Great Actress and a Future King // Claire Tomalin

Jane Austen at Home // Lucy Worsley

Mudlarking: Lost and Found on the River Thames // Lara Maiklem

The Last Royal Rebel: The Life and Death of James, Duke of Monmouth // Anna Keay

The Marlboroughs: John and Sarah Churchill // Christopher Hibbert

Nell Gwynn: A Biography // Charles Beauclerk

Jurassic Mary: Mary Anning and the Primeval Monsters // Patricia Pierce

Georgian London: Into the Streets // Lucy Inglis

The Prince Who Would Be King: The Life and Death of Henry Stuart // Sarah Fraser

Wedlock: How Georgian Britain’s Worst Husband Met His Match // Wendy Moore

Dead Famous: An Unexpected History of Celebrity from the Stone Age to the Silver Screen // Greg Jenner

Victorians Undone: Tales of the Flesh in the Age of Decorum // Kathryn Hughes

Crown of Blood: The Deadly Inheritance of Lady Jane Grey // Nicola Tallis

Favourite books about the history of sex and/or sex work

The Origins of Sex: A History of First Sexual Revolution // Faramerz Dabhoiwala 

Erotic Exchanges: The World of Elite Prostitution in Eighteenth-Century Paris // Nina Kushner

Peg Plunkett: Memoirs of a Whore // Julie Peakman

Courtesans // Katie Hickman

The Other Victorians: A Study of Sexuality and Pornography in mid-Nineteenth Century England

Madams, Bawds, and Brothel Keepers // Fergus Linnane

The Secret History of Georgian London: How the Wages of Sin Shaped the Capital // Dan Cruickshank 

A Curious History of Sex // Kate Lister

Sex and Punishment: 4000 Years of Judging Desire // Eric Berkowitz

Queen of the Courtesans: Fanny Murray // Barbara White

Rent Boys: A History from Ancient Times to Present // Michael Hone

Celeste // Roland Perry

Sex and the Gender Revolution // Randolph Trumbach

The Pleasure’s All Mine: A History of Perverse Sex // Julie Peakman

LGBT+ fiction I love*

The Confessions of the Fox // Jordy Rosenberg 

As Meat Loves Salt // Maria Mccann

Bone China // Laura Purcell

Brideshead Revisited // Evelyn Waugh

The Confessions of Frannie Langton // Sara Collins

The Intoxicating Mr Lavelle // Neil Blackmore

Orlando // Virginia Woolf

Tipping the Velvet // Sarah Waters

She Rises // Kate Worsley

The Mercies // Kiran Millwood Hargrave

Oranges are Not the Only Fruit // Jeanette Winterson

Maurice // E.M Forster

Frankisstein: A Love Story // Jeanette Winterson

If I Was Your Girl // Meredith Russo 

The Well of Loneliness // Radclyffe Hall 

* fyi, Life Mask and Girl, Woman, Other are also LGBT+ fiction

Classics I haven’t already mentioned (including children’s classics)

Far From the Madding Crowd // Thomas Hardy 

I Capture the Castle // Dodie Smith 

Vanity Fair // William Makepeace Thackeray 

Wuthering Heights // Emily Brontë

The Blazing World // Margaret Cavendish, Duchess of Newcastle

Murder on the Orient Express // Agatha Christie 

Great Expectations // Charles Dickens

North and South // Elizabeth Gaskell

Evelina // Frances Burney

Death on the Nile // Agatha Christie

The Monk // Matthew Lewis

Frankenstein // Mary Shelley

Vilette // Charlotte Brontë

The Mayor of Casterbridge // Thomas Hardy

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall // Anne Brontë

Vile Bodies // Evelyn Waugh

Beloved // Toni Morrison 

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd // Agatha Christie

The History of Tom Jones, A Foundling // Henry Fielding

A Room With a View // E.M. Forster

Silas Marner // George Eliot 

Jude the Obscure // Thomas Hardy

My Man Jeeves // P.G. Wodehouse

Lady Audley’s Secret // Mary Elizabeth Braddon

Middlemarch // George Eliot

Little Women // Louisa May Alcott

Children of the New Forest // Frederick Marryat

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings // Maya Angelou 

Rebecca // Daphne du Maurier

Alice in Wonderland // Lewis Carroll

The Wind in the Willows // Kenneth Grahame

Anna Karenina // Leo Tolstoy

Howard’s End // E.M. Forster

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4 // Sue Townsend

Even more fiction recommendations

The Darling Strumpet // Gillian Bagwell

The Wolf Hall trilogy // Hilary Mantel

The Illumination of Ursula Flight // Anne-Marie Crowhurst

Queenie // Candace Carty-Williams

Forever Amber // Kathleen Winsor

The Corset // Laura Purcell

Love in Colour // Bolu Babalola

Artemisia // Alexandra Lapierre

Blackberry and Wild Rose // Sonia Velton

The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories // Angela Carter

The Languedoc trilogy // Kate Mosse

Longbourn // Jo Baker

A Skinful of Shadows // Frances Hardinge

The Black Moth // Georgette Heyer

The Far Pavilions // M.M Kaye

The Essex Serpent // Sarah Perry

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo // Taylor Jenkins Reid

Cavalier Queen // Fiona Mountain 

The Winter Palace // Eva Stachniak

Friday’s Child // Georgette Heyer

Falling Angels // Tracy Chevalier

Little // Edward Carey

Chocolat // Joanne Harris 

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street // Natasha Pulley 

My Sister, the Serial Killer // Oyinkan Braithwaite

The Convenient Marriage // Georgette Heyer

Katie Mulholland // Catherine Cookson

Restoration // Rose Tremain

Meat Market // Juno Dawson

Lady on the Coin // Margaret Campbell Bowes

In the Company of the Courtesan // Sarah Dunant

The Crimson Petal and the White // Michel Faber

A Place of Greater Safety // Hilary Mantel 

The Little Shop of Found Things // Paula Brackston

The Improbability of Love // Hannah Rothschild

The Murder Most Unladylike series // Robin Stevens

Dark Angels // Karleen Koen

The Words in My Hand // Guinevere Glasfurd

Time’s Convert // Deborah Harkness

The Collector // John Fowles

Vivaldi’s Virgins // Barbara Quick

The Foundling // Stacey Halls

The Phantom Tree // Nicola Cornick

The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle // Stuart Turton

Golden Hill // Francis Spufford

Assorted non-fiction not yet mentioned

The Dinosaur Hunters: A True Story of Scientific Rivalry and the Discovery of the Prehistoric World // Deborah Cadbury

The Beauty and the Terror: An Alternative History to the Italian Renaissance // Catherine Fletcher

All the King's Women: Love, Sex, and Politics in the life of Charles II // Derek Jackson

Mozart’s Women // Jane Glover

Scandalous Liaisons: Charles II and His Court // R.E. Pritchard

Matilda: Queen, Empress, Warrior // Catherine Hanley 

Black Tudors // Miranda Kaufman 

To Catch a King: Charles II's Great Escape // Charles Spencer

1666: Plague, War and Hellfire // Rebecca Rideal

Henrietta Maria: Charles I's Indomitable Queen // Alison Plowden

Catherine of Braganza: Charles II's Restoration Queen // Sarah-Beth Watkins

Four Sisters: The Lost Lives of the Romanov Grand Duchesses // Helen Rappaport

Aristocrats: Caroline, Emily, Louisa and Sarah Lennox, 1740-1832 // Stella Tillyard 

The Fortunes of Francis Barber: The True Story of the Jamaican Slave who Became Samuel Johnson’s Heir // Michael Bundock

Black London: Life Before Emancipation // Gretchen Gerzina

In These Times: Living in Britain Through Napoleon’s Wars, 1793-1815

The King’s Mistress: Scandal, Intrigue and the True Story of the Woman who Stole the Heart of George I // Claudia Gold

Perdita: The Life of Mary Robinson // Paula Byrne

The Gentleman’s Daughter: Women’s Lives in Georgian England // Amanda Vickery

Terms and Conditions: Life in Girls’ Boarding School, 1939-1979 // Ysenda Maxtone Graham 

Fanny Burney: A Biography // Claire Harman

Aphra Behn: A Secret Life // Janet Todd

The Imperial Harem: Women and the Sovereignty in the Ottoman Empire // Leslie Peirce

The Fall of the House of Byron // Emily Brand

The Favourite: Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough // Ophelia Field

Night-Walking: A Nocturnal History of London // Matthew Beaumont, Will Self

Jane Austen: A Life // Claire Tomalin

Beloved Emma: The Life of Emma, Lady Hamilton // Flora Fraser

Sentimental Murder: Love and Madness in the 18th Century // John Brewer

Henrietta Howard: King’s Mistress, Queen’s Servant // Tracy Borman

City of Beasts: How Animals Shaped Georgian London // Tom Almeroth-Williams

Queen Anne: The Politics of Passion // Anne Somerset 

Charlotte Brontë: A Life // Claire Harman 

Goddess: The Secret Lives of Marilyn Monroe // Anthony Summers

Queer City: Gay London from the Romans to the Present Day // Peter Ackroyd 

Elizabeth I and Her Circle // Susan Doran

African Europeans: An Untold History // Olivette Otele 

Young Romantics: The Shelleys, Byron, and Other Tangled Lives // Daisy Hay

How to Create the Perfect Wife // Wendy Moore

The Sphinx: The Life of Gladys Deacon, Duchess of Marlborough // Hugo Vickers

The Life and Death of Anne Boleyn // Eric Ives

Dancing in the Streets: A History of Collective Joy // Barbara Ehrenreich

A is for Arsenic: The Poisons of Agatha Christie // Kathryn Harkup 

Mistresses: Sex and Scandal at the Court of Charles II // Linda Porter

Female Husbands: A Trans History // Jen Manion

Ladies in Waiting: From the Tudors to the Present Day // Anne Somerset

Ghostland: In Search of a Haunted Country // Edward Parnell 

A Cheesemonger’s History of the British Isles // Ned Palmer

The Butchering Art: Joseph Lister’s Quest to Transform the Grisly World of Victorian Medicine // Lindsey Fitzharris

Medieval Woman: Village Life in the Middle Ages // Ann Baer

The Husband Hunters: Social Climbing in London and New York // Anne de Courcy

The Voices of Nîmes: Women, Sex, and Marriage in Reformation Languedoc // Suzannah Lipscomb

The Daughters of the Winter Queen // Nancy Goldstone

Mad and Bad: Real Heroines of the Regency // Bea Koch

Bess of Hardwick // Mary S. Lovell

The Royal Art of Poison // Eleanor Herman 

The Strangest Family: The Private Lives of George III, Queen Charlotte, and the Hanoverians // Janice Hadlow

Palaces of Pleasure: From Music Halls to the Seaside to Football; How the Victorians Invented Mass Entertainment // Lee Jackson

Favourite books about current social/political issues (?? for lack of a better term)

Feminism, Interrupted: Disrupting Power // Lola Olufemi

Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight for Sex Worker Rights // Molly Smith, Juno Mac

Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race // Reni Eddo-Lodge

Trans Britain: Our Journey from the Shadows // Christine Burns

Me, Not You: The Trouble with Mainstream Feminism // Alison Phipps

Trans Like Me: A Journey For All Of Us // C.N Lester

Brit(Ish): On Race, Identity, and Belonging // Afua Hirsch 

The Brutish Museums: The Benin Bronzes, Colonial Violence, and Cultural Restitution // Dan Hicks

Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls: A Handbook for Unapologetic Living // Jes M. Baker

Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women White Feminists Forgot // Mikki Kendall

Denial: Holocaust History on Trial // Deborah Lipstadt

Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape // Jessica Valenti, Jaclyn Friedman

Don’t Touch My Hair // Emma Dabiri

Sister Outsider // Audre Lorde 

Unicorn: The Memoir of a Muslim Drag Queen // Amrou Al-Kadhi

Trans Power // Juno Roche

Breathe: A Letter to My Sons // Imani Perry

The Windrush Betrayal: Exposing the Hostile Environment // Amelia Gentleman

Happy Fat: Taking Up Space in a World That Wants to Shrink You // Sofie Hagen

Diaries, memoirs & letters

The Diary of a Young Girl // Anne Frank

Renia’s Diary: A Young Girl’s Life in the Shadow of the Holocaust // Renia Spiegel 

Writing Home // Alan Bennett

The Diary of Samuel Pepys // Samuel Pepys

Histoire de Ma Vie // Giacomo Casanova

Toast: The Story of a Boy’s Hunger // Nigel Slater

London Journal, 1762-1763 // James Boswell

The Diary of a Bookseller // Shaun Blythell 

Jane Austen’s Letters // edited by Deidre la Faye

H is for Hawk // Helen Mcdonald 

The Salt Path // Raynor Winn

The Glitter and the Gold // Consuelo Vanderbilt, Duchess of Marlborough

Journals and Letters // Fanny Burney

Educated // Tara Westover

Bookworm: A Memoir of Childhood Reading // Lucy Mangan

Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? // Jeanette Winterson

A Dutiful Boy // Mohsin Zaidi

Secrets and Lies: The Trials of Christine Keeler // Christine Keeler

800 Years of Women’s Letters // edited by Olga Kenyon

Istanbul // Orhan Pamuk

Henry and June // Anaïs Nin

Historical romance (this is a short list because I’m still fairly new to this genre)

The Bridgerton series // Julia Quinn

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover // Sarah Mclean

Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake // Sarah Mclean

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics // Olivia Waite

That Could Be Enough // Alyssa Cole

Unveiled // Courtney Milan

The Craft of Love // EE Ottoman

The Maiden Lane series // Elizabeth Hoyt

An Extraordinary Union // Alyssa Cole

Slightly Dangerous // Mary Balogh

Dangerous Alliance: An Austentacious Romance // Jennieke Cohen

A Fashionable Indulgence // KJ Charles

[imakeficrequestsandthendisappear]

A list of the best and worst Disney kids

my roommate and i were talking about this and i hyperfixated. I included child characters which had speaking rolls and were at least side characters. If I left one out I don’t care. Also i didn’t include teenagers/princesses/love interests. Just the kids

It’s all subjective but i am right. 

Pinocchio: disgusting puppet homunculi. I hate his weird knees. But I do like that he escapes a whale, it shows a will to live. I both respect and fear him. 4/10 

Dumbo: Sweet and beautiful. Tragic backstory. Defies physics. Got Drunk. Love him with all my heart. But that CGI remake was gross so i subtracted 2 points. 8/10

Bambi: Beautiful and bland. would be a good instagram model. 5/10

Alice: embodies the “I just came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling very attacked right now” meme. enjoyable protagonist. 8/10

Peter Pan: kidnaps children. But seems fun. kind of a fuckboi. 6/10

Wendy: The mom friend that stands up for herself. deserved better. when she walks off that plank, fuckin iconic. 9/10

101+ dalmation puppies: Are puppies. but i can’t remember a single one of them. also can just multiply? themselves? 3/10 for magic

Arthur: complained to much. I liked him better as a squirrel.  1/10

Mogli: had fun on road trip with his 2 dads. easily sidetracked and hypnotized. 6/10 for jungle ADHD

Aristocats Kittens: Annoying but passable. A+ mom and stepdad parents. Overall 3/10

The little girl from The Rescuers: Apparently her name is penny. I hate her stupid voice. If there wasn’t boobs in this movie we would have all forgotten it. 1/10

The little boy from The Rescuers 2: Apparently his name is cody. He’s dumb but wonderful. a Himbo in training. 7/10 for australian  

Oliver: The worst cat. Also apparently there is a human child in this too. Both have empty, soulless eyes.  3/10

Huey Dewey and Louie: Imagine donald duck but worse and 3. Disney will pay for their crimes. -3/10

The scary kids from Nightmare before Christmas: I hate them. -5/10

Baby Simba: Confidence is key. “Dad... we gotta go home” makes me cry everytime. Adopted by gay dads. 7/10 for lion hamlet

Max: I know he’s a teenager but i want everyone to know how wonderful he is. Such a dork, I love him. 8/10 after today is a bop

Andy: honestly horrifying in Toy Story 1. could not care less about him. 10/10 glow up but 2/10 character.

Sid: The worst thing ever shown in theaters. Millions went blind. I would kill him in cold blood. -11/10

James: claymation is gross.  2/10 for being british tho 

Baby Tarzan: A+ mom. Daddy issues. Probably indestructible? 6/10

The kids from Emperor’s New Groove: Annoying but useful. Double dutch legends. John Goodman is their dad. 4/10

Boo: Perfect. I’ve never loved a child more. Deserved an Oscar. her dad is also John Goodman. 10/10

Lilo: In all seriousness the best depiction of a young child (especially a girl) in media. Emotional depth and intuitive, but also unique and authentic to her age and maturity, 11/10

Nemo: Kinda a dumb, but tries his best. gains independence but almost dies. Probably shouldn’t have touched that boat. 7/10

Darla: Sid but girl. actual serial killer? -11/10

Incredible’s kids: all unique and well written. I’ve lumped them together for convenience. 8/10 across the board

Chicken Little: Fuck this movie. 0/10

Lewis and Wilbur: Honestly meet the robinsons is underrated and i just want to talk about it some more. 10/10 for two good boys

Miley Cyrus in Bolt: ....Was her name also penny? Chose her dog over career. I can respect that. 3/10 for being unmemorable 

Russell: A sweet good boy doing his best. 9/10

Bonnie: I hate that fork thing. somehow worse than Andy. 1/10

Venellope: I didn;t see wreck it ralph and probably will not. I’ve been told she’s good but i have my doubts. 5/10 for mystery 

Riley: doesn’t make any of her own decisions. Really needs to see a doctor? honestly don’t know anything about her but hokey. Strong bisexual energy. 5/10

The kid from the Good Dinosaur: who cares? 0/10

Miguel: The Best Boy (TM). Follows his dreams, reunites his family, hANGS OUT WITH HIS GREAT GRANDMA BECAUSE HE LOVES HER. music is a metaphor for gay 11/10

[aion-rsa]

The Best Serial Killer Shows to Watch After Dexter: New Blood

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Dexter: New Blood likely represents the end of TV’s favorite serial killer: Dexter Morgan. Though the franchise may carry on with some sort of “Son of Dexter” setup, star and executive producer Michael C. Hall seems more than happy to hang up his Dark Passenger for good. 

Through eight seasons and one limited series, Dexter was the cream of the crop when it came to serial killing storytelling on TV. That’s probably because shows that inhabit the mind of serial killers are quite rare for understandable reasons. It’s dark in there. Dexter “got away” with it because his code required the killing of fellow killers. 

Still, TV is a big medium and the public’s appetite for bloody crime dramas is just as vast. As such, there are several other shows out there that might help itch that lingering Dexter scratch. Not all of them adopt the perspective of a serial killer but they all do delve as deep into the psyche of these monsters as they dare.

Here are some other shows that fans of Dexter might want to check out. 

Mindhunter

Watch on: Netflix (US and UK)

Mindhunter is a perfect complement to Dexter in that it’s kind of the anti-Dexter. While Dexter Morgan attributes his need to kill to an amorphous “Dark Passenger” rooting around in his head, the FBI professionals of Mindhunter decide to apply some actual science to serial killer psychology. Partially based on the 1995 true crime book of the same name, this Netflix series from David Fincher follows the founding of the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit in the late 1970s. Lead characters Holden Ford (Jonathan Groff), Bill Tench (Holt McCallany), and Wendy Carr (Anna Torv) study real life mass killers to better understand how to stop more. Mindhunter appears to be done after only two seasons so check it out now and then immediately join the masses demanding more. – Alec Bojalad

You

Watch on: Netflix (US and UK)

Of all the shows currently gracing television, You is probably the closest to capturing that early season Dexter magic. This series, which first started on Lifetime before moving to Netflix, takes viewers directly into the twisted mind of Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley). Joe is darkly romantically obsessed with…well, you. You might be a broke NYU student who hangs out at a local bookshop, a health guru in Los Angeles, or simply the nice girl next door. Just like Dexter Morgan, Joe invites viewers in to hear his internal monolog as he blazes a bloody path to love. – AB

Marcella

Watch on: Britbox, ITV Hub (UK); Netflix (UK & US)

UK crime dramas generally fit into one of two categories: cosy murder series (Endeavour, Strike, Jonathan Creek…) more about puzzle-solving than staring into the heart of darkness; and true-crime dramatisations aiming for depth and balance in their depictions of real-life tragedy (Little Boy Blue, The Moorside, White House Farm…). Marcella ain’t either one. It’s a balls-to-the-wall pulp crime thriller about crazy serial killers and elaborate revenge plots and fugue states. It stands to reason then, that Dexter fans might go for a slice of its crazy pie. Anna Friel leads the cast as Marcella Backland, a police detective investigating a series of killings that she may well have committed herself during one of her regular black outs. Things just get crazier from there, until the season three finale, by which time the show has evolved into something entirely different. Don’t go in expecting realism and you’ll likely enjoy the ride. – Louisa Mellor

Bates Motel

Watch on: Peacock (US), IMDb TV (US), Sky Go (For purchase in the UK)

Bates Motel is a helpful reminder that pop culture has been fascinated by killers since well before Dexter Morgan. As you might have guessed by its name, this A&E series is a contemporary prequel to Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller Psycho. Set in the modern day, Bates Motel follows mother and son duo Norman (Freddie Highmore) and Norma (Vera Farmiga) Bates as they try to operate their titular motel…and occasionally kill their guests. Bates Motel is notable for getting better throughout its five-season run, culminating in what is essentially a modern remake of Psycho that is better than it has any right to be. – AB

Des

Watch on: ITV Hub, Britbox (UK); AMC+ (US)

Dexter fans won’t get gore or kill room splatter from this gripping three-parter, but they will get a square look into an aberrant psychology. David Tennant plays real-life murderer Dennis Nilsen, a prolific killer arrested in London in 1983 and imprisoned for the murders of 12 men and boys. It’s brilliantly cast and led by a compelling performance from Tennant, who’s so convincing as the manipulative killer that it erases any trace of his much friendlier Doctor Who and Good Omens fan-favourite roles. Jason Watkins and Daniel Mays are also great respectively as Nilsen’s official biographer and the police detective leading the investigation. The drama’s as much an examination of the prejudiced system that failed to detect Nilsen’s crimes as it is about the actual murders. It achieves a fine balance that avoids sensationalism or prurience while confronting complex truths about how monstrous behaviour can hide behind the most harmless facades. – LM

Hannibal

Watch on: Hulu (US), and Prime Video (For purchase in the UK)

If seeing gallons upon gallons of blood was your favorite part of Dexter…maybe get a professional opinion on why exactly that is. After that’s taken care of,  plop down in front of the television to check out Hannibal, one of the goriest TV shows ever created. Running on NBC (yes, on network television) for three seasons, Hannibal borrows characters from Thomas Harris’s Hannibal Lecter novels and puts them to excellent use. Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) is a criminal profiler who tracks serial killers. Hannibal Lecter (Mads Mikkelsen) is a brilliant forensic psychiatrist, gourmet chef, and unbeknownst to all: a serial killer, himself. The relationship between these two men forms the backbone of these fandom-friendly series. And speaking of backbone, you’ll see plenty in the grim tableaus of human bodies Hannibal leaves behind. – AB

The Fall

Watch on: Netflix (UK); Prime Video (US)

Move over the Bay Harbor Butcher, it’s the turn of the Belfast Strangler. Like Dexter, The Fall explores how a serial killer can lead a double life in mainstream society, though unlike Dexter, murderer Paul Spector isn’t doling out vigilante justice, just satisfying his own perverse urges. The Tourist’s Jamie Dornan plays Spector, a married father of two and bereavement counsellor with a side line in stalking and strangling women. The true lead in this Northern Irish thriller is Gillian Anderson as Superintendent Stella Gibson, the detective brought in from England to hunt the killer. Her cat-and-mouse dynamic with Spector is the real engine of this three-season drama from writer Allan Cubitt. – LM

Manhunt

Watch on: Britbox, ITV Hub (UK); Acorn (US)

A more sober choice here for those with an interest in Dexter’s procedural side. Martin Clunes impresses as the lead in this true crime dramatisation of the hunt for British serial killer Levi Bellfield. Clunes played DCI Colin Sutton, the police detective who led the investigation into Bellfield following the 2004 murder of French student Amélie Delagrange. Sutton and his team’s dogged pursuit led to Bellfield’s arrest and eventual conviction for the attempted murder and murder of three women and one girl. Like many of the above, this isn’t a sensationalised take on serial killers, but a well-balanced dramatisation of a true crime investigation. Inspired by Sutton’s memoir, this isn’t Bellfield’s story, but that of the people who tracked him down and took him off the streets. A second series, subtitled ‘The Night Stalker’ was released in 2021, this time focusing on the pursuit of serial rapist Delroy Grant. – LM

The Serpent

Watch on: BBC iPlayer (UK), Netflix (UK & US)

If sociopathy is your TV itch, then this drama following the hunt for real life 1970s serial killer Charles Sobhraj may well scratch it. Based on a true story with real victims, The Serpent is obviously not as lurid or straightforwardly entertaining as Dexter – nor should it be – but the portrait it paints of a conscienceless narcissist is ultimately fascinating. This is a slow-burn series that rewards patience as it jumps around between countries and years, following Sobhraj as he robs and murders backpackers along South-Asia’s so-called ‘Hippie Trail’. Stylishly made with careful period detail, the story follows a Dutch diplomat’s lengthy investigation into Sobhraj’s crimes. A Prophet’s Tahar Rahim plays Sobhraj, with Doctor Who’s Jenna Coleman playing his conflicted partner. Written by Ripper Street’s Richard Warlow, the drama examines how a serial killer can go undetected for so long. – LM

Prodigal Son 

Watch on: HBO Max (US), Sky Go (For purchase in UK), and Now TV (For purchase in UK)

Before Dexter Morgan welcomed his son into his dark confidence in New Blood, another recent TV series examined what it would be like to be the son of a prolific serial killer. Fox crime thriller Prodigal Son lasted for only two seasons but it made plenty of fans in that short time. The Walking Dead’s Tom Payne stars as Malcolm Bright, a former FBI profiler who now works for the NYPD and who just happens to have a father who killed 23 people. When a copycat killer emerges using Malcolm’s father Martin Whitly’s (Martin Sheen) M.O. Malcolm must get back in touch with his old man to seek advice – Silence of the Lambs style. – AB

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[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

The scenes of Aaron saying he still want Ben over Robert and chas saying Aaron not felt this way in ages but hurt the Aaron and Ben I love yous Ben saying Aaron changed everything using Robert line and Aaron agreeing like ever since Robert left all done is slap in the face of what Robert meant to Aaron like suddenly Ben means more and makes me feel sick

Ben means fuck all. To Aaron and the show. If Robert had gotten out last summer and returned to the village, losing his job would have been the least of Ben's worries. Or not - since he wouldn't be Aaron's plot bf anymore because Aaron would be living his best life with Rob again.

And Aaron jumping into this thing with Ben - saying I love you, saying he'll change... it's not going to last. Even if Meena doesn't kill him (which i'm still hoping she will) Danny's baby leave is about to kick in soon screentime wise, and he's not going to be filming again until January at the earliest. So that means no Aaron until at least somewhere in Feb. What are they going to do with Ben in the meantime? Jai's all but sacked him so he has no job, he has no friends (only wendy), his landlady died (andrea) and he wasn't even involved in that - he wasn't at her memorial or anything, and now he's going to discover footage of the local serial killer trying to drown someone... 👀 I don't see it going any other way than Ben ending up six feet under.

(And Danny and Steph are getting married next summer so he'll probably take time off for that too so I doubt we'll be seeing Aaron in a big storyline any time soon)

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: God Bless America

Kermit and Friends was all over the news cycle last week.

From Elisa Jordana being interviewed in US Weekly Magazine, to Wendy Williams addressing Elisa and Andy Dick on her show, to even Fox News covering the story.... everyone wanted to discuss the bombshell Elisa dropped last week on Kermit and Friends regarding Andy Dick's most recent arrest.

All of this began on Tuesday evening. Elisa's birthday was on Wednesday and she remained relatively quiet on her social media and in the Kermit and Friends Discord. So what happened at her birthday party?

Andy forgot about Elisa's birthday. No shocker there. Still, Elisa managed to get Andy on the phone and paid to have a car go pick him up. To Andy’s credit, he got in the car. Unfortunately, that’s the only credit he will receive from this point forward.

When Andy arrived, the first thing Elisa did was introduce him to her lovely mother. Instead of small talking and exchanging pleasantries, Andy immediately asked Elisa’s mom if she had any pills she could give him. Yikes!

Andy would only stay at the party for a short while. He showed more attention to Lisa Vanderpump than he did to Elisa, and then he would run off to go hang out with the guy who allegedly broke his ankle, Lucas.

So Andy pretty much ruined Elisa’s birthday. Does he care? Of course not. Andy wouldn’t talk to Elisa again until Saturday night when he called Elisa to ask her to pay for his hotel bill. After Elisa declined, Andy hung up on her and blocked Elisa on Instagram. This is really sad, pathetic behavior.

Elisa is claiming she’s officially done with Andy. The thing is, Elisa has one of the most forgiving souls on the planet. All Andy would have to do is have one nice conversation with Elisa and she’ll most likely then treat him (and his friends) to dinner. Who knows if Andy will even do that though. I personally hope not, and if he does... maybe Elisa will keep her foot down this time and refuse to allow Andy to keep hurting her like this.

I’ve been friends with Elisa since 2015. I could do a run down right now of the guys Elisa has dated since I’ve been blessed to know her, and I wouldn’t have anything good to say about any of them except maybe Gonzo, which honestly was just a fling.

Elisa deserves better than this. I desperately hope throughout our friendship that I set some kind of precedent to show Elisa how she should be treated by anyone who claims to love her. If I can get one thing out of my efforts these last 5 years, it’s that. It’s fine that Elisa doesn’t love me back... but it’s my main wish that she someday understands how I treat her is how the real man in her life should treat her. And hopefully that guy has many other amazing qualities to offer too, because Elisa deserves that as well if she’s going to give her heart to someone.

For all my bickering and griping about the men in Elisa’s life this last decade, we met a lovely young woman yesterday by the name of Mel who’s had it even worse than Elisa!

Mel is Jesse G-Rider’s ex-girlfriend. She was a part of the infamous trap house gang right before Elisa became emerged in it. Mel’s relationship with Jesse was extremely abusive, to say the least. There were cases of petty jealousy, beatings, drugs... you name it, it most likely happened.

Jesse called in highly upset with Elisa for having Mel on the show. Jesse claims he has a restraining order against Mel despite the fact that Mel moved all the way to Detroit, Michigan to escape Jesse.

Jesse then threatened Elisa with legal action, claiming it’s illegal to help a person contact another person who has a restraining order against them. Newsflash to Jesse: first of all, that’s not illegal, dumb dumb. Secondly, YOU called into the show. Elisa didn’t call you with Mel on the line. So even if in some ass backwards World where you could press charges against Elisa, they would be dropped immediately because JESSE initiated the contact by his own free will, and it’s all on recorded video.

Anyway, Mel was fantastic on the show. She had cute little elf ears, top notch internet and audio, a nice gaming chair... Elisa was impressed by all of this, as I was I. Mel looked like a professional streamer and she was a good storyteller that was also very vulnerable and honest. She’s everything Elisa looks for in a Kermit and Friends star. Hopefully Mel will become a regular in our community.

During Mel’s interview, Sharmin Smith went in head first about the horrors of abuse and what America needs to do to help women like Mel out. As a survivor of abuse, Sharmin has some strong feelings on the matter and she was not shy to share them. Even though her Presidential bid for 2020 was unsuccessful, I hear by declare Sharmin Smith President of Kermit and Friends. In my book, that’s why better than being President of the United States of America!

We love America on Kermit and Friends though. Yesterday was July the 4th and Elisa invited Tony Alexander on to discuss his career in the American military and what he’s heroically done to help fellow veterans who have had a rough time adjusting to normal life once they returned home from the war. Tony was a class act through and through, and it was great to see Kermit make a new friend like him on Independence Day.

Another US veteran joined the show, Kermit’s old pal Chris Christine. She said a lovely prayer and then randomly flip opened the Bible so that God could choose a special passage to share with all of Kermit’s beautiful friends. She landed on 1 Kings 6, which is about Solomon building a temple of the Lord, much like Elisa has built the Kermitarian Church!

Claire from New Jersey called at the beginning of the show to ask Elisa her thoughts on Wendy Williams’ segment about Elisa and Andy. Wendy wasn’t very kind - she made light of Andy’s addiction despite being an addict herself, she told a very distasteful joke about Bill Cosby getting hired before Andy ever would, she mispronounced Elisa’s name on purpose, and she claimed that Elisa was trying to use Andy for success. So funny how the ignorant morons who say stuff like that don’t realize it’s been Andy using Elisa this entire time... it’s honestly sexism. Wendy as a woman herself should know better, but I guess her IQ just isn’t at a place where she could ever grasp that.

Sigmond returned to Kermit and Friends this week. Elisa kindly invited Sigmond to her birthday party on Wednesday and by all accounts, he was a superb guest. He even bought Elisa a present! Yep, Sigmond Twayne's Mental Cookbook was his gift and Elisa seemed to love it. This led to Gonzo calling in to ask why the book is so cheap on Amazon. Sigmond, remembering that it was Gonzo who called him a serial killer last week, said Gonzo is a liar and that the book cost $37 on Amazon. Well, Gonzo was actually being truthful because at the time of this blog entry, the book is on sale for just $8.76 from it’s listed price of $37.00. Do NOT miss out on this AMAZING deal and buy your copy today by clicking here! 

Of course, Kermit and Friends isn’t Kermit and Friends without some spectacular musical performances. Boy, were we blessed with some good ones for the 4th of July. Elisa’s dad Craig returned to the show to beautifully perform a patriotic song from the 1700′s in which I sadly can’t find the title of. Sigmond’s partner Wappy performed an incredible original song and covered Pool Shark by Sublime. Elisa would also play one of Sugar’s awesome music videos for everyone to enjoy. Good stuff all around from Kermit’s unbelievably talented friends.

All in all, it was a very eventual Kermit and Friends, one absolutely fitting for Independence Day. The future seems more uncertain than ever, but as long as Kermit has all her friends to enjoy, everything will be A-okay. Can’t wait to see what next week’s show will bring :)