#well‚

[leupagus]

Would Hardy say "breasts" or "tits" in his narrative voice, I can't decide

His mobile goes off at half-four on a Sunday; the whole drive up to Kingsgrove Wood he has his mum's voice echoing in his ears that it's God's day, for rest and prayer and not mucking about in the woods. The voice gets louder as he's lead further in by a pair of constables, their torches flailing through the darkness for nearly twenty minutes before they arrive at the scene. 

Miller's there already in a full noddy suit, talking in low tones with Brian as she juggles her phone, her notebook and a thermos just outside the forensics tent. "Go away," she says cheerfully as Hardy finally stumbles into the clearing.

Brian glances over his shoulder, makes a face, and disappears back into the tent. Hardy's about to follow him inside when Miller gets in his way. "Miller," he warns.

"Listen, we're all overjoyed at the prospect of seeing your smiling face at… five oh seven in the morning," she says, glancing at her phone, "But this is why you've got a DS. I can brief you later."

"Brief me now," he says. She sighs and thrusts the thermos into his hands. "This for me?"

"No, lesson learned there, you'll just leave it on your desk until it gets mouldy." She waves her hands a bit — noddy suits don't have pockets — before unzipping just enough to slip her phone into her bra. She then flips her notebook open and peers at her handwriting, nudging him out of the floodlight positioned above the tent. "All right, a pair of adventurous young people were out here 'for a walk' at just past eleven, saw 'something weird' sticking out of the ground, poked around and found a jawbone, which I'm fairly sure wasn't how they wanted their evening to go. They've been statemented and released; Katie's running them home under protest."

"Under protest? Why?" Harford's got better in the past six months or so — Miller's oddly fond of her now, Hardy will never understand people — but if she's whinging again about basic aspects of the job, he's not above giving her a bollocking. He's cut back on caffeine, but shouting makes for a passable substitute.

"The lad was sick all over his own trousers." Miller grins. "And he had vindaloo last night."

Hardy uncaps the thermos and takes a whiff — burnt coffee, which seems to be the only kind Miller drinks. "What about the jawbone?"

"'Human' is about as far as they've got; they're digging up the rest now. We did take pictures of what the area looked like before they got their trowels in — looked completely undisturbed. This area doesn't have much in the way of footpaths; it's part of one of those preserves that's been popping up all over this area the past twenty-odd years. Makes me wonder a bit about how our outdoorsy friends just happened to trip over it, to be honest."

"Seems a bit out of the way, aye." He wouldn't be surprised if this was the most people who'd stood on this ground in the past few centuries.

"Mm. Something else odd. From what SOCO's got so far, the body was definitely buried — about three feet deep — but with the angle of the hill here and all the rain we've been getting—" She makes a complicated gesture; her phone lights up her breasts in a very distracting way. He frowns down at the thermos. "And there's another thing," she adds. "We haven't found the actual… head part. Yet."

Hardy forgets about her bioluminescent chest for long enough to glare at her. "You lost the skull?"

She glares right back. "It's probably rolled down the hill! It's pitch dark! We'll find it, it's just—"

"For God's sake—"

"Oh, don't 'for God's sake' me at this hour, we're doing the best we can!"

"Minus the skull!"

"Which might not have even been buried with the rest of the body!"

He hands her back the thermos, keeping his eyes off her glowing tits. "Find it, all right?"

"Dawn's still an hour off," she shouts after him. "We don't even know how old the body is! It could be from the bloody Bronze Age for all we know!"

[asherasgayagenda]

i think i need someone to physically hold my hands and stop me from reading kohaku fics at 12 am in the morning

[shamebats]

Join me on my journey to finally unbalance my hormones, toxify my body, boost my inflammation, maximize my cortisol and absolutely destroy my gut health.

[valtsv]

stuck between "psychological horror statement" and "objectively the funniest thing you could say to your real flesh and blood dad" in the father's day card aisle

[razzafrazzle]

Just Checking In! (aka Something About Red Triangles)

[bird-prince-art]

friend made my birthday cake

[iiota]

refraining from a lot of election joke posting and instead I just donated $55 USD to gaza soup kitchen and i encourage anyone else to consider donating even a couple of dollars to the people who will be affected the most from whatever outcome happens

you can also donate to care for gaza here

EDIT: please also consider donating to this family their 93% to their goal!! and also please check out this post featuring more places to donate

[mediocre-megs]

honestly more media should portray the anti aging industry as horrific and decidedly unhuman. it IS body horror it IS grotesque it DOES go against nature*. it WILL kill you. yes.

*this is NOT anti-hrt or anti-vax or anything of the sort. i love criticisms of the anti aging industry + sci-fi/horror. i also love trans people and vaccines and medicine and science. i also don’t care if you personally have botox. this was a shitpost i made while high and 2/3 of the way through the substance (2024). terfs dni. cheers.

[lightyakami]

it is genuinely bewildering to me that adult human beings do not know this but if you are mean to people they will not like you. like tbh they are probably also not going to like you if you are mean to other people but they are definitely not going to like you if you are mean to them. it doesn’t matter if you are funny or if you can use r/aita rules to prove that you are in the right. people simply do not enjoy being treated like shit.

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Hey, if you do crafts (especially things like crochet, knitting, embroidery, etc), make sure to look up how to identify when a listing is AI generated. You do NOT want to waste money on an incredible looking kit or pattern that is physically impossible to make, especially if you're on sites like etsy hoping to support an actual artist.

[skyrim-forever]

big plans tonight

[beebfreeb]

Messaging people for the first time is so hard. What am I supposed to say? Like, "You seem really odd and your blog intrigues me. Do you want to have philosophical conversations or perhaps talk about fictional characters?" What! Whatever. I will just follow you back and stare at your blog with my big beautiful brown eyes.

[noodles-and-tea]

Our hextech dream….

[podcastwizard]

you know that post that's like "if thinking naruto would be proud of you for brushing your teeth gets you to brush your teeth go for it" well today i texted my friends and asked them to pretend to be wizards sending me on a grand quest to eat lunch and buy hand soap and it worked so well i put a load of laundry in and did the dishes too so. i don't know what the lesson is here but maybe give that a try

[jammboe]

Pangaea miku