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scolopendress-tag · 4 years ago

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I said I'd make a post detailing my kid Asra working for Lucio theory in this post so here it is!

So Let's get STARDED.

So! To start off, how it began. We do know when Asra and Muriel were kids, Lucio came to them each seperately with a deal.

Essentially: work for me, or I'll hurt your friend.

This was the sentiment he repeated for both of them. So, not wanting the other to be harmed, they both agree - unaware of the other's deal.

For Muriel, it was playing heel/excecutioner at the coleseium. For Asra, it was doing... Well, we never know, aside from he worked under Lucio. But that's what we are here to discuss in any case.

Continued under the read more, for the sake of people's dashes.

Now presumably, if I got my timeline right, Asra at this time would've been around 12 or 13. We don't know much about how Asra was when he was younger, other than that he has certainly changed.

It's also worth noting that it's not amiss to say they were both also still homeless at the time, and the hut hadn't come into the play until after.

Asra was still living on the streets.

This all isn't overly important for any of my claims later, but perhaps someone else could make something of it. It does provide us with some framing for the situation as a whole, though.

Now onto Asra's time under Lucio. I don't know that we have any indication of how long it was, but presumably at least a year if not more.

We do also know that Lucio knew who Asra was. Both in that he knew Aisha and Salim had a kid, and that he knew Asra was said kid.

This is bring this up because we know Aisha and Salim were incredibly talented, and likely incredibly powerful. Lucio wouldn't settle for any run of the mill magician or alchemist for the work he needed. So he must've had some idea that Asra may take after that power as well.

To top it off, he also interacted and talked with the dock kids he also used, (two of which would actually later become palace guards,) and seeing as this is seemingly how he learned of Muriel, it's not off to think that this is also how he heard of Asra again to start. The kids knew of Asra's magic, and roughly where he was, and could've even continued talking about both Muriel and Asra to Lucio for unknown amounts of time.

So now Lucio knows that the kid of his two powerful practitioners of magic is not only still around, but taking after them as well.

If Muriel's intimidating size and physical power are what drew Lucio to him, why wouldn't Asra's considerable metaphysical power and talents draw Lucio in as well?

We know how much Lucio loves power, and that he has an interest in magic because of it, as mentioned in the main story. (no ss sorry... If you have one send so I can add. )

Plus, homeless kid in a vulnerable spot. Easy pickings.

That's what I think this whole thing was about, really. It's all power. Though Asra likely didn't have the full scope of power he does in the current game, he was probably still considerably talented, and was only getting better.

What Lucio specifically probably wanted from Asra then was either to be taught how to use that power, to use Asra for things that required it, and/or use his power for entertainment akin to how he used Muriel.

I think out of these however, using him for his power was most likely. Why? (And teaching him now, more on that further down)

(Sorry for bad quality lmao it's a small image. Also thanks to @8-bit-space for showing these to me like months ago. As you can see I can't stop thinking abt it)

These are screenshots from the old prologue. While they're not canon any more, there's reason to believe they still hold merit as to how Lucio feels about Asra.

Two things to me are major here. First is the "powerful potent magic," and how it's the "real deal," equating to a large part of how he views Asra yet again tying back to a heavy interest in his power. Now, you could argue this relates to using his powers in the palace during the plague, but the second point stands out even more to me.

"The one who broke him for me?"

What this implies to me is that Lucio could never quite get all the way through to Asra or control him when he was younger, and he's been dying to do so. He wanted Asra broken, presumably so that he'll become essentially a tool for him to use for his skill and not put up a fight- something Asra likely did as a child.

Because it seems that Lucio for the most part relied on control through fear when it came to Asra, threatening to hurt Muriel, lying to him about how he executed his parents, likely other things as well. But things seem to point to that never quite working like he had hoped.

This could allude to this as well. Though "impossible" is something Asra's been called a few times, namely also by Julian, there's no reason to assume Lucio wasn't also including his work with him as a kid in "always". Impossible to hate could be his draw to Asra for his power, his talent, his skills, the prospect of which I'm sure Lucio found practically mouthwatering. Impossible to love could be his stubbornness or reluctance to do what Lucio wants, always pushing against him or being hard to deal with, both as a kid and during the plague.

And lines like this, where he calls him a coward. I find it hard to relate this to the plague ritual as he was for the most part willingly helping with that, so it could be resenment for when Asra eventually ran off as a kid, unwilling to put up with him any longer, or his reluctance to do certain things for him then in general.

We know, and it has even been mentioned by a character within the canon, that Asra can be incredibly stubborn, to back that up. Plus, he could've been even harder to work with then both being a kid and as I mentioned earlier he has changed from how he was then, so he could've had more spunk to him or such.

This also easily means that what Lucio was trying to get Asra to do then was something Asra was quite obviously opposed to. Being used for his power is already degrading enough, but there could be more to it.

You'll notice in the post that was linked at the top (the reason I'm writing this) I mentioned pushing Asra to his physical limits and magical extremes. This could be one of the reasons for a push back.

If Lucio was having Asra do things for him involving magic, it's not out of pocket to assume he'd practically run him into the ground- I'm sure he really wouldve loved testing the limits of what Asra could REALLY do.

Wether it be huge expendure of power all at once, or tons of smaller things one after the other, it would absolutely take it's toll. We are shown a few times that using magic can exhaust someone, and I don't remember if this is shown in canon ever (tell me if so!) but pushing it even further could definitely lead to other things such as passing out, (Or nosebleeds, for the aesthetic,) alongside likely being incredibly painful and draining, both mentally and physically.

Basically, abusing his powers and the body that commanded them. It's also possible that the stubborness to work with Lucio could also be partially percieved because of this- Lucio taking Asra's literal physical inability to continue as defiance.

Another reason for push back from Asra would be making him do morally compromising things. This is a little more vague, but intimidation is a common headcanon I see for what Lucio made Asra do, and that could tie in here. Other things could be meddling in things and business he shouldn't, but again, it's a vague thing. Make of it what you will. Fucked up stuff all around.

[EDIT - TEACHING LUCIO]

(THANK YOU @tea-tye for showing me these, and credits to @hangedman-magician for the video they came from!!!!!!!)

...I cannot BELIEVE I forgot this, I KNEW I was missing something. Especially when I was fairly certain I remember Lucio being obsessed with the idea of magic. SO, MOVING ON,

There's not terribly much to pick apart here as it's rather direct- Asra saying he has in fact tried to teach Lucio magic. So in my eyes this solidifies that this was a component of Asra's time under Lucio. I still think my points about Lucio treatment (pushing Asra to his limits) stand, as well.

This can also tie in the stubborness mentioned as, well, can you imagine teaching Lucio? Asra backs this up by saying nothing he has ever said stuck with Lucio, and you know how Lucio gets when things don't go his way. He would've blamed his inability to learn on Asra, likely.

Looking to other quotes mentioned: the 'broke him' line still rings to me like he was trying to use Asra in other ways, and the 'coward' line could go either way from refusing to teach Lucio certain things, or refusing to do certain things for Lucio when he was merely being used. The "impossible" line could also go for others, as trying to teach someone like Lucio would've undoubtedly caused some head butting.

This is certainly really exciting and interesting to me as it gives a more complete picture on the exact situation at hand here. I still stay by my reasoning for Lucio simply using Asra as well on top of being taught because it seems highly likely that Lucio would've been too impatient to learn to do certain things himself, and like I said as well, I don't doubt he also just wanted to see what Asra was REALLY capable of. Something he could've saw as a tantalizing insight into the kind of power he could aquire of this kid would just... work with him.

NOW we have a MUCH clearer answer as to what exactly Asra was likely doing under Lucio, or at this point, almost certainly doing. It's a sad picture for Asra of course, but with this you can draw some interesting points as to how he could've been affected by this, as I'm sure it would've left some kind of imprint on him.

Sure it may not have been as traumatic as what Muriel went through, but when you look at it, it's hard to say it DIDN'T leave it's scars. If we consider all the points presented in this post truth we have:

A 12/13 yo homeless child, threatened with his friend's life to work for the Count that he knew was the one responsible for orphaning him and making him homeless in the first place.

Said child believing his parents are still alive, and as we see in Travel at Night, could very likely still be trying to find them. In a situation like Asra's that glimmer of hope probably was a big deal in helping him push on. This may also be a reason he agreed on top of Muriel's safety.

While working under the count, he is told that his parents were executed, no doubt devastating. The manner in which this was mentioned is up for debate, and could affect exactly how it was taken. Options could be Lucio joking or bragging about it (treating it as trivial or an accomplishment), or using it to threaten Asra, (as in I killed your parents, I'll kill you too,) both would work when it comes to controlling by fear.

It is also mentioned that Lucio told him the reason for his parents execution is that they messed up his gold arm, so Asra also has the knowledge that his parents were killed over something so unbelievably trivial.

Being used as a source of power and nothing else, both for teaching and pure work/entertainment, all for the man who killed his parents, day after day.

Being pushed to physically painful and mentally draining limits, expending so much energy that he completely exhausts himself, day after day.

Likely taking all sorts of verbal abuse from Lucio, day after day.

Like mentioned earlier, it seems clear that Lucio wanted to break Asra, so some other form of trying to chip away at his psyche to make him more convenient for Lucio is likely as well.

Those points alone, to yet again a CHILD no less, seem more than enough to cause some traumatic impact, and depending on certain specifics of what exactly went on during that time, it could be worse. I may make a post looking into the long lasting effects of this on Asra, I may not. It would mostly be headcanon regardless. If you want to add your hc relating to this situation though, I'll gladly reblog it!

And now that we are closing out, it's time to revise my summary. So, without further ado, THIS is what I think was going on during this time.

Lucio knows of Asras existence and parentage.

Lucio learns Asra is around and that he's got power.

Lucio LOVES power, so he threatens Asra into working for him.

Lucio uses Asra for his power and to be taught how to use it for himself.

While using Asra for his knowledge and power, runs him into the ground by pushing his limits to physical and magical degrees, possibly even moral.

Asra pushes back against a lot of this, or is at least percieved to, frustrating Lucio.

Lucio does what he can to try and control Asra even more, primarily via fear, but can't seem to crack him.

Eventually it's too much, and Asra leaves. Likely when the plague hit like Muriel, but it's possible it could've been somewhat sooner. Lucio is PISSED, because he wanted that magical power all to himself.

Less related, I can see Lucio trying to brush it off and pretending to be fine with it, excuse being "he was too difficult to work with, anyways," or something.

...And then... years later, as far as Lucio sees it, Asra comes crawling back- and he's tamed down to a degree! He's actually working with him. Lucio might not know what or who did it, but Asra is finally broke for him, and I'm sure he was absolutely ecstatic to have that power back in his hands- and more than ever before.

Think of all of this as you would like!

At the end this is all still speculative, so definitely feel free to make your own points or say if you feel any different abt anything- expansions or counters on this theory/headcanon welcome!

And if you also have any other screenshots or info not here that could add to the theory or change the outlook of certain things definitely add them!!! I feel like I'm missing stuff for sure, and my memory has probably muddled some things (hopefully I didn't get anything wrong, though.)

And @asrascherry thanks for the offer in helping word my hcs also! I forgot to say that. This one is just so long I wouldve felt bad bringing it all to you 😔 it's probably still messy as a result but I tried lmao (worried it's repetitive or unclear 😬)

Uh yeah! That's mostly it for NOW.

+All the love to Asra for going through so much I'm so sorry bb,,

Thanks for reading!

#asra #the arcana #the arcana game #asra alnazar #asra the arcana

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sablesides-writing-corner · 3 years ago

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For The Gothic Whump Prompts, Can You Do “Transforming Into A Monster” In A Castle With Dukexiety?

There was exactly one thing Virgil Liddell was known for, and that was his skittishness.

His status as the shame of the family might have come at a close second had he not been disowned entirely.

And thus forced to wander about the dismal plains on the outskirts of what he once called home.

Until he came across a rather extravagant estate, and a hunched over figure at its gates.

"Excuse me? Is the master of your residence home?" Virgil whispered to the figure.

"Well, as he is me, I should hope so," the figure replied, his voice raspy and high-pitched.

"O-oh- my apologies-" Virgil said, stepping back slightly as the man reached his full height.

"You require shelter?" The man continued, hardly affected by Virgil's reaction to the what must have been two feet of height gained by standing up fully.

"I- yes-" Virgil replied softly.

"Then shelter you shall have, inside, stay close, my servants are not to keen on strangers," said the man, cape sweeping across the ground as he turned on his heel. Virgil followed obediently, unsure of what else to do.

"May I inquire as to why you've nowhere else to go?" The man asked, turning his head in Virgil's direction.

"My family. . . Does not wish for my return," Virgil replied.

"And your name?" The man continued.

"Virgil,"

"Surname?"

Virgil paused for a moment, assessing the situation.

"Liddell. . ." He muttered.

"Rems Duke-Prince," the name cut through Virgil like ice. The man he'd been following was royalty and he'd been discussing his personal issues.

"I do hope this wont impede our discussion," Remus said, addressing Virgil's clearly distresses expression.

"N-no- of course not-" Virgil responded.

"Good, now I'll show you to your room and my seamstress will be in shortly to get measurements, you'll need clothing after all," Remus continued.

"Y- what?" Virgil paused for a moment, clearly startled.

"Well I'm not going to let you go back out on your own in this weather, and I'm certainly not allowing you to wear the same clothes for your entire stay," Remus said as though this were the most obvious statement in the world.

And yet, Virgil had gone along with it.

In fact Virgil went along with whatever Remus wanted, originally out of fear, then fascination, then, adoration.

Virgil had fallen for the young prince, had met his older brothers, his parents, he was practically royalty himself by that point.

Until his glorious reinvention came crashing down around him, all from a simple knock at the door.

"Virgil! There you are my favorite son!" Virgil flinched slightly as his father's arms were flung over his shoulders, quickly shoving him off and taking several steps back.

"I thought I was no longer your son. In fact, I dont think I've been your son for several years now." Virgil said coldly, pulling up his robe so it rested properly on his shoulders.

"Well that was before I realized you planned to marry a monster," Virgil's father continued, Remus had taken that exact moment to appear.

"Oh really? Virgil you didnt tell me the relationship was open already! I wouldve played wingman!" Remus said with a snicker.

"You! You are the monster!" Virgil's father said, pointing an accusatory finger at Remus.

"He is not a monster! What do you even want from us!" Virgil said, pressing himself closer to Remus.

"He may not be a monster yet, but he will be." And with that Virgil's father left, but not before blowing a scent less powder directly in Remus' face.

The effects were almost instantaneous, Remus collapsing onto the floor, convulsing like a madman.

Stark white fur inched it's way from his skin, teeth bared into fangs and eyes becoming slits, all that remained stagnant was the black mustache he'd already possessed.

And yet, Virgil held no fear.

This was his husband, this was his love, regardless of shape or form.

"Remus?. . . Can you hear me?" Virgil whispered. The mass of fur and shredded cloth blinked, eyes locking onto Virgil.

Stumbling, the wolf managed to raise itself onto all fours, stalking it's way toward Virgil in an odd combination of human and animal mannerisms; its teeth were bared, letting out a sickening snarl.

"Remus. . ." Virgil repeated again, still not moving an inch.

He didnt even yelp as Remus tackled him to the ground.

Because Remus made no further moves.

No scratch.

No bite.

Nothing.

Until Virgil felt something wet against his face.

Of course this was no different than normal, Remus had ways been odd with his affectionate gestures.

And soon enough the fur and claws Virgil had felt on his wrists were replaced with hands.

This was of course the plan, save for the part where Remus now lay flat on top of him.

Clearly, with no sign of getting back up.

"Well dont you look lovely all splayed out for me to see?~"

"Oh you horny little bastard-"

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Tag list:

@the-sad-strawberry

@ray-does-stuff

@idrawdumbstffs

#cori answers #ts virgil #ts remus #tw monster #tw abuse #tw disownment #tw abandonment #dukexiety #romantic dukexiety #tw suggestive

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introdemodev · 2 years ago

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introdemo was so, so cool! i was wondering if you had any inspirations for your visual novel (and your stories/writing in general)? i love all the cut scenes and the animated bits, you've really shown how to make that medium engaging in ways i don't see often. it's inspired me a lot!

i also loved the little ad in the beginning, and the use of style, colors, and halftones. i was wondering how much research played a role into creating this story? like, did the idea of the story come first, and you chose a time period, and read into it more, or if it was the opposite, an interest in the time period then brought out a story. or something else; i'm very interested in other people's process!

thank you anon!! :”)

i’ll have to go more in depth on inspo and influences for id later (esp for the second part of your question b/c it gets spoiler-y)….BUT!!! i will talk about it a lil bit here….

first part of your question -

because introdemo is a prequel/spin-off to fridge and bear (id takes place 15 years before fab does), i wanted to carry over the mixed media style used throughout fab to introdemo. i have a short attention span so having the art style shift helps me stay engaged and keep focus lol. a lot of the mixed media inspo for that comes from various cartoons (flapjack, chowder, courage the cowardly dog, sayonara zetsubou sensei, hidamari sketch, kuuchuu buranko) and experimental animation films (fantastic planet, hedgehog and the fog, twice upon a time). and old golden age comics & lithographs for the halftones. i really love textures!

as for influence for my writing….that’s a mix of different things. i do like dark comedies and horror. and weird and absurdist stuff. what i really like is focusing on though is characters. introdemo has a story but it’s definitely more about the characters.

nowadays tho, i try to write things that younger me would've liked. younger me would've loved introdemo and my fav character prolly would've been wren because i wouldve cosplay them ahahaha (i could buy the outfit for less than $100 at hot topic AND it works as a casual outfit...awesome...). being self-indulgent is fun.

second part of your question -

i want to say that the story for introdemo came first, but i also have an interest in that time period too. well. i’m generally interested in the 20th century as a whole but i was just lucky that 1994-15=1979. i think 1979, and the 70s as a whole was an interesting decade (only aesthetically...it was terrible economically&politically). there are two different ideas from 1970s pop culture that i want to contrast in introdemo, specifically between fennel and clyde, but i'll have to talk about that much later, because it will spoil their characters.

but yes, a lot of research went into introdemo but i still feel like i haven't done that much! im still learning a lot. shout out to all the baby boomers and gen xers who get excited when i ask them questions about this era (fun fact --- disco did not die in the 70s!!! it lasted up until the early 80s).

this was a lot longer than i expected but i hope i answered your question!! i may have missed something because it's late. also it's a little ramble-y. i'll try to answer this question again when the full game is done....

Oh!!! Almost forgot!!! A lot of fashion for Introdemo was taken from JcPenney and Sears catalogs. It's a great source for interior design stuff too. You can find full version of catalogs online. Pinterest and reddit is good. Looking up bands and ppl in the punk scene from "1979" (in quotation marks) helped inspire Fennel and the fan trio's outfits.

#introdemo #ask

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paint-music-with-me · 3 years ago

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ok i saw a post and went on a rant and now im actually gon see how i wouldve redone this ep (no offense to any of the writers/p’aof) cuz this gon bite me on the ass for the next TWO WEEKS (FUUUUUUUCCKCKKKKK)

basically: this shouldve been a slow burn in pran’s & wai’s pov towards each other & their friends with the sprinkling of korn’s acceptance, inkpaa, and couple moments

(im basically doing this scene by scene split between the parts so this whole post is about ep 9 1/4 so here we go!) [i hope i don’t regret it ;0;]

Wai’s discovery: keep it - i was thinking of changing it to a genuine accident but nope this is important wai purposefully did wrong onto pran and we need to discuss it so

Riam & Kwan play: tbh i think it should’ve been stewed in for a bit longer - put a strain on the energy of cast and crew. maybe some ppl congratulated patpran on them getting together (not really caring abt the feud or are just blissfully ignorant abt it). maybe some are a bit cold to them but they’re professional. but honestly? maybe it wouldve went smoothly but in pran’s pov, he is an anxious mess and constantly searching for wai or spacing out leading up to the performances. pat calms and reassures him. then the play goes well (i would not have kept wai in sound - he already gave his job to pran so why he there in crew?) so after the play, pran caught sight of wai in the audience or leaving and rushes after him to talk -- ALSO w/ safe and louis maybe they were asked to help out (this is their faculty play anyway) & they cast glances at patpran but always look away or avoid pran which stresses him out (i’m sorry bby for putting thru that) - btw safe is a bit more guilty abt avoiding pran than louis cuz tbh louis also a short fuse like wai (ep6)

wai & pran talk: keep it - “i need to forgive you, don’t i? otherwise i’m the asshole. it must be nice to be the one who makes mistakes. you just apologize and it’s all good.” i really wished they paralleled this line later in the ep cuz omg the tea - i really really like this scene bc we finally get to see how they’re both gauging the other. “okay or not, i should be the one to decide” - i think this line was a weird one cuz i read it differntly than others. i read it as ‘i should be the one to decide if i’m okay or not with what you told me’ but ive seen others read it as ‘i should be the one to decide if i approve of your relationship or not’. idk maybe they’re the same but different anywayyy so that’s wai’s defense (to my understanding): that pran didn’t trust him or “care” about him enough to think that wai could handle the truth (even went so far as to say “if i were you, i would tell” hmmm) and i think they shouldve used that angle as a starting point towards his redemption bc it’s clear he is ignorant about patpran’s situation obvi

pat & co. (ft. good boy korn): keep it - i love this scene so much! the friends were dynamic in their views abt the situation in a self-aware kind of way like they understand that patpran’s relationship is way more complex than they know. onto my beautiful boy korn (im sorry i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to youuuu) ngl when he said “the seniors pressured us” lowkey i thought ‘bruh what seniors? you guys are literally the only ones in the cafeteria??’ anyway that line “people shouldn’t bring your personal life into this” in reference to pat possibly leaving rugby to avoid discomfort for others was really potent like holy shit he gets it (that parallel with pran&wai’s talk is uhmmm interesting)

patpran lunch break: keep it!! - omg i love this scene as much as the previous one! i think this can still flow w/ the slowburn aspect bc it reveals more abt their supportive dynamic with each other when facing against their friends - also pran taking that step of putting their relationship FIRST before Wai (which i think should’ve been brought back around later in ep)

rugby practice - so replace it?? - rmr how i said the show should’ve stewed in the play just for a while? so here’s an idea: imagine this is another dress rehearsal for the next showing & for some reason wai has no choice but to come in. this allows for wai to be a bit out of his element bc in the rugby field, he doens’t have to talk to pat, he can just use his body/fists as usual which will ultimately get us nowhere w/ his redemption i think (i mean man can fight anywhere anytime but hope against hope ig). so here he does see pat rehearsing lines & Doing His Best as well as pran nervous but also Doing His Best. maybe he causes a bit of mischief here and there, targeting pat a bit. pran notices, tries to intervene but wai avoids him. then when rehearsal is almost done & the show is about to start, pranpat have a moment together. maybe pat is a bit nervous or is worried that wai might do something but pran is like ‘dw you’ll do great’ or ‘dw i’ll handle wai’ but ultimately it’s a tender moment that maybe might also open about their parents just a smidge. maybe a ‘shit if wai can’t handle this & is causing us trouble what will our parents do?’ (ofc im thinking this in the hopes of wai not getting ideas to out pran to his mom but again hope against hope anywayyy) maybe wai overhears this (ofc not meaning to) but this could be a symbol of how he mentally is still in that sound booth, above with this superiority that he thinks he knows all, but he doesn’t. he doesn’t know the behind the scenes, he doesn’t understand and bc of that he destroys the curtain instead of peeling it back to see the whole picture. so overhearing this, wai is curious - he goes through flashbacks of what PRAN HAS ALREADY REVEALED TO HIM BUT NOT COMPLETELY and tries to piece it together (if man could do that about pat then bitch can do that about pran’s fam dynamics, the idiot). this begins his journey to understanding a bit of pranpat’s world

okay so that ep 9 1/4. in summary: wai needs to be observant, he needs to start reflecting, if there’s an added scene of him getting rough with pat fine do it, but for pacing’s sake, get ‘er done quicker. i’m only doing this bc there’s a better way to show his ‘redemption’ without that rugby guy idk anywayyy i’ll write the rest later cuz holy shit im dead tired

#blabber time #bad buddy the series #rant #ignore #rewrite ep 9 #oh jeez #hopefully i rmr waht the fuck i was on about

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witchcraft-in-wonderland · 4 years ago

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Strangers Au (Pt.8)

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To say that Virgil was terrified wouldve been making the situation perhaps mildly to light, because Virgil was much more than terrified.

He was sitting in his room in a dress that was all to stifling and restrictive despite its deceivingly flowing design.

His husband, who had been possessed for nearly two months now, was laying on the bed behind him, still breathing,but hardly conscious.

And the man who had done it was standing in front of him in the tattered yet regal garb he'd died in, smirking, a glint in his eyes that sent chills down Virgil's spine.

"Thank you, princess, it was getting dreadfully dull in that oaf's body." Romulus cooed, gesturing to Roman. He made a move towards the sleeping prince, but Virgil was faster.

Virgil draped himself over Roman, glaring at Romulus with all the fury he could muster.

"You've done enough harm to my husband. And you're not as safe in your new body as you think you are." Virgil snarled.

"Your husband? Princess how delusional can you be? This man is nothing to you now. You belong to me and only me." Romulus said, grabbing Virgil by the neck and attempting to pull him away from Roman.

That was a difficult task to accomplish, luckily, because it was very hard for someone who's appendages looked like twigs and were, quite literally, brittle as bones; to pull someone twice their weight, away from someone twice their weight and six times their muscle strength.

"Roman!-" Virgil clung to his husband like his life depended on it, and, if he was honest, it most likely did.

"I know baby I know, you just hang on tight ok?" Roman said softly. Virgil made to do as told and latched his arms around Roman's neck. Virgil held his breath as Roman took a running start toward the window, not daring to check if Romulus was following.

"Roman where are we even going?!-" Virgil's voice was a mix between a cracked yell and a laugh.

"To Jan and Pat's place, where else?" Roman said as he picked up the running pace.

"I'm sure they'll be excited to see you again huh?" Virgil said with a grin.

"Virgil as much as I love you, you do realize that the most likely course of action is that they'll think I'm tricking you and try to deck me before I can get through the door," Roman said as he began to slow to a walk.

"No they wont! You and Romulus have completely different vibes!" Virgil said as he knocked on the door.

Virgil was, of course, wrong, as Janis had opened the door with cane and fists at the ready, and had Virgil not intervened, very well might have caused major injury.

"So you rose him from the dead? Virgil of all the stupid decisions-"

"He was threatening you guys! How was I supposed to know it was his body under the house!" Virgil said, he felt like a child being lectured about proper behavior at school.

"Virgil all our houses are protected by so many different spells even ants couldnt get in! We wouldve been fine! And what wouldve happened if Roman had been in some sort of coma or hyper sleep instead? Hm?" Janus' eyes were wide, whether with anger or fear, Virgil couldnt tell.

"Well it's already been done so theres no use in arguing about it. But Romulus left his necklace behind when he earned his new body, which, I think, should be counted as a win," Roman said, gesturing to the wolf necklace hanging off a chain around his neck.

"But how much time are you going to need to learn how to use it? If Romulus has a real form now we cant wait much longer to fight him," Virgil said.

"Baby I know how to make potions, and I should hope I know how to flirt or our relationship would be quite stale," Roman said with a wink and a grin, Virgil proceeded to shove him off the couch.

"Hey!-" Roman said, but he was laughing, he was laughing and smiling and it was almost as if, for just a few seconds, nothing had ever changed.

But all to soon Virgil remembered the task at hand.

"So when do we head back to face him?" Virgil asked.

"Well, we'll have to deliberate, Patton's contacting the others now, and warning them to be on the look out on their way here," Janus said.

Soon enough the living room was crowded once again, and everyone was discussing what they might have to do to bring down their common enemy.

"Ok, so tonight then," Janus said, the rest of the room each gave nods or affirmations of agreement.

"Virgil, we'll need you to lure him out, but if you cant, one of us could muster up a disguise," Janus said, Virgil merely nodded.

"Remus? You have the- crab- army- correct?" Janus said, there was a strained sigh or groan being held back, Virgil could tell.

Remus, who was currently covered head to toe in crustaceans, nodded.

"Logan? You have your weapons?" Janus said, Logan nodded and raised a hand over the lion that had been sitting in the living room for quite sometime, which had the coat and mane of the night sky, rather than tan or brown.

"Patton, Emile, Remy, you've all been practicing correct?" Janus said, the trio nodded.

"As have I, so its settled then? Tonight?" Janus said, and was once again met with nods.

Virgil had never been so stressed in his life, which was saying something, because he was typically always stressed.

And then the clock struck for midnight, and it was time for Virgil to face that fear.

Virgil wasnt about to walk directly up to the door, no, that wouldve made him much to easy to catch.

No, instead, he sent up one of his favored nightmares, a spider named Charlotte, and had her knock on the door.

Virgil gave Romulus only a few moments to notice his presence before he took off running, and he had to run fast, because Romulus was much more athletic than he was.

He backed into an alleyway, hands pressed up against a cold brick wall.

"My my princess, not your smartest decision, hm? I'd have thought you better than this," said Romulus as he inched closer to Virgil at a sickeningly slow pace.

And then Logan's friend the space lion showed up, Romulus was caught off guard, just enough time for Remus' own army. Virgil felt a tug on his arm as he was pulled upward, by Roman.

Romulus had seemed only mildly inconvenienced by the attack, until Emile had shown up.

Now the idea of a therapy being able to do something like this wasnt one that many were comfortable with, but Emile was normally a pacifist, and the screams he was currently eliciting, well, Virgil could assure that they were earned ten fold.

It took ages for the fight to end, and Virgil wouldve loved to celebrate once it had, but it seemed that he suddenly felt ill.

And within a matter of seconds, his vision went dark.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@that-peach-anon

@coffeeoverdosedshipper

@lovelivingmydreams

@extraintrovertedalien

@lazyboneslover

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@itsnithbabey

@private-snippers

@0exterc0

@rich-flower-17

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

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zed-36 · 4 years ago

Note

@ 18: the questions weren't actually that strict! you could interpret them however you liked :) that said, im curious what you would add to the story? i love reading ur ideas and interpretations of the characters n stuff!

oh no prob, i did enjoy thinking of what i could change without adding anything new (i will talk too much if i dont contain myself) BUT since you have asked...

ill share these ideas as a general change to the series as a whole (WR and Acceleracers- also i will call Acceleracers AC for short if i need to).

There is a lot i feel needs to change- but two major points are lore (and direction of it in the story) and characters.

The lore of the series is all weird due to what changed between WR and AC, but its also too surface level. its for kids, its probably why its not so expansive. but it does leave a lot of confusion to me and while i would have to spend much more time to fully “rebuild” the world, i will give some ideas on what i would see changed.

One, at least making it make sense all the way through. i think Acceleracers had the best ideas but it shouldve been expanded on in WR- WR barely touched on actual Acceleron lore. Overall i would like to see the Accelerons 100% remade from the ground up. i LOVE aliens and alien society but i feel all we know of them is they race. and thats its. and sadly AC wasnt seen through to where we may have seen a bit more. but they need to be redone, with lore also point to exactly why the drones woke up when they did, what their drive is, etc. Why is Gelorum the way she is too, very important lor aside from characters. I wouldnt want the series to become a huge Lore Dump but there are moments where they intended to drop lore and they just. dont really do that, at least not well. Imagining the series with more extensive lore would obviously see it being longer than what it is, which i think makes sense. in the end if i was to properly write out all lore it would be a huge rebuild of 1) the Accelerons as an alien society, in depth 2) the full origins of the Drones/Gelorums (how they ended up where they did, what makes them how they are now and 3) a more cohesive plotting of events that would lead to lore revealed. also developing what “Scrim” and “clyp” were, along with the actual depth of Silencerz and how far back they go has been on my mind a lot. scrim and clyp just vanish from lore but in my headcanon backstory for Gelorum, i mention how those things existed too. if anyone has more specific questions on lore tho i can answer those individually! its just a lot to go over lol.

The characters though, oh god where do i start. not gonna touch on every individual (feel free to ask about someone and how i would rewrite them/change them), but theres a lot i would want to see different.

Theres some good ideas in the series that are just not explored much, or the actions dont feel like they have impacts. And many characters have literally zero backstory to go off of... Everyone needs at least some kinda origin in mind, doesnt have to be said but knowing where they come from is one key detail that i think is nice to drop some times. characters referncing locations, where they went, etc... its little but its good to have. In the WR comics, most of these characters do have origins! but theyre completely forgotten in the movies it seems. it would have been cool it WR tied together some of these ‘really good drivers’ and maybe they were in the same races together or something. there are 35 people and none of them seem to know each other at least not in detail- other than Vert and Alec who are clearly friends. Kurt Wylde was written to have done some “illegal” modifications in a race, what is someone there knew him? what if it brought up tension/suspicions? Things like that, its all part of where they come from and its a shame the movies just dont connect them very well.

I think theres some specific characters i will give examples to ‘rewrtiting’ and most of it is AC focused!

Kurt & Markie..... i love them, really do! but after WR i just did not like where they went. i get it, kinda ironic for Markie to become such an opposite. buuuut it was a bit much to me. first off, i would actually expand on the “crime” and that would 100% change the outcome of the two. the period between WR and AC shouldve gone different and in turn, i think wouldve changed up MM and Teku completely! i want to imagine Kurt is trying to get away from bad habits after WR but, perhaps has a really good deal with someone who had also gotten him into illegal car part business in the past. he is tempted and ropes Markie in with the idea they could do so more secretly but are caught, and while Markie is nervous and young he spills all the beans, but none of that evidence goes to Kurt and he stays silent, managing to get out of it. However instead of Kurt going to Teku and Markie going to MM.... Kurt tries to join Teku in the idea of joining a less rowdy gang, but Vert believes full Kurt let his brother take all the blame- so they dont allow him in. He goes for MM, which takes him easily but this team’s energy really doesnt help him. In turn, Markie leaves jail and Vert is swift to allow Markie into Teku because theyre friends! and it helps keep Markie in a better place, not wanting to get back into bad stuff. The important thing is tho, this switch up wouldnt result in super harcore, asshole Kurt. i feel like instead, he would be in an awkward place of wanting to improve himself but MM’s rebellious attitude coaxes him into worse attitudes. AND... very much an oppurtunity for Gelorum to manipulate him once more, as the accelechargers are much more important to acquire, with multiple, we’d loop back again. in the end though! i could imagine the story would still bring in the same scenario- Markie gets taken by drones, Kurt saves him, they rekindle and Kurt also comes to realize he shouldnt give in to the ways he used to practice.

i think for AC, in order to find more interest in the characters, a switch up with the teams would be neat. Markie and Kur swapping was always on my mind, but i have thought about Teku!Taro. I think it would’ve been cool to throw in an background guy from WR into MM... like Harrison Lau. some more familiar faces would bring interesting dyanmics considering their backgrounds. and it think it wouldve fleshed out the teams a bit more in places they lacked.

Another thing i think is clear is there is lots of unexplored potential. Like dyanmics i express with Markie, characters like Lani, Karma, Tork, etc... oh there is so much i would add for them. Karma has a weird thing with being mentioned to look like Gelorum, and her prefectionism too but it was never touched on. What if it caused conflict? What if it made her question their morals? Or with Tork- i would honestly just rewrite how he tackles Tone’s death and the resolution, that whole thing in movie was weird and messy and made no sense to me imo. Lanu had something going for her but she felt so disconnected from the WR characters in AC, which is a shame! oh there are so many to go over lol. i hope to tackle some of these loose ends in the fics i have in mind but yeah... there is so much to say about changing these characters!!

#headcanon #theory #wr #acceleracers #hot wheels #tomiyeee

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oftheredmoon · 4 years ago

Text

my abuser abused me. after 10 years i broke my silence and told my childhood friend. i didnt want justice or anything bc i didnt want to destroy my family, i just wanted to confide in my closest friend. she immediately ran around town and told everyone. 2 years later, i found out random people knew about my trauma and were threatening my abuser as well as on the verge of involving my family. so i lied. and said i lied about the abuse. a lot of people in town hate me. ex-childhood friend hates me and victimizes herself; everyone takes her side. my abuser hates me and rather than be grateful that i took one for the team (since we both know what he did) he uses it against me. tells me he hates me because “you know what you did” on party chat in front of the handful of people who still speak to me.

i can never confide in anyone about this due to cultural reasons. i’m stuck living in a looped hell. people think im some mentally ill wacko who went off the deep end and tried to drag innocent people down with me. i dont do drugs. i dont drink. i dont have an escape. i dont have friends anymore. suicide is not an option. confiding in people is no longer an option. coping mechanisms dont work anymore. self-harm never worked and just made me feel stupid. moving out/running away is not an option. therapy didnt help, neither did meds.

i think the most painful thing is the blatant fact that i will never truly be happy.

i’m expected to get married and have children. i want to get married and have children. but how am i supposed to let my husband lay a finger on me without screaming and crying? how am i supposed to explain that the reason i breakdown everytime he compliments me is because nobody has ever paid attention to me before? how am i supposed to be a good wife and have a good job when im completely talentless and stupid because i spent my whole childhood in a locked room neglected? how am i supposed to a healthy partner when the very thought of him becoming slightly annoyed with me or ignoring me is enough to send me into a psychotic breakdown? how am i supposed to explain why im so mentally ill? why i have psychosis, ptsd, depression, anxiety, adhd, and borderline personality disorder. why im constantly dissociating. how am i supposed to explain why im so physically ill? my heart, my blood sugar, my ulcers, the migraines, the potential cysts, crohns disease, the fact that i can hardly eat without throwing up, the fact that my body has dealt with so much stress that its already giving up at 20 years old. i could keep going, but i wont.

its getting hard to feel anything anymore. i’m no longer in touch with reality. when i try to think about myself my appearance, my name and all the things that once defined me do not come up. im hardly human at this point. i wake up, eat, stare at the wall for 8 hours, eat again, maybe do some homework, and play xbox for a few hours before my abuser inevitably makes a comment and i get triggered and leave before i breakdown in front of everyone.

“just tell ur future husband!!” cant, its not that simple, im not from the west.

“find a supportive/understanding man!!” see above plus: no man is going to put up with a complete emotional trainwreck who can hardly function: thats a receipe for creating a cheater.

“find a friend group that your abuser doesnt hang out with!!” cant, everyone hates me, this friend group is the most successful one ive ever had, im scared of making new bonds, theyll all leave eventually.

“make online friends!!” i have very negative experiences with online friends, id rather not.

“seek professional help!!” already tried, didnt work, they would call the cops if they knew half the shit that happened to me, therapy is not the solution to everything.

“why did u say u lied in the first place...?” bc my abuser going to jail/being confronted by all of this wouldve destroyed my family. i couldnt let that happen.

“why did u expect ur abuser to be understanding and grateful..? they’re an abuser lol...” bc after the whole thing blew up and everyone hated me, we had a mutual agreement and understanding to make it water under the bridge in order to protect our family. guess i was wrong to think he cared about them.

“what do u want me to say then lol... ur not willing to help urself” i cant help myself. “my hands are tied” is the biggest understatement of the century.

this post is not to find my cure. i didnt make this post because i want people in my dms showing me that they’re concerned.

if ur concerned about me harming myself, dont be. you have my 100% guarantee that i will not self-harm or attempt suicide. i gave up on that years ago.

this post is to vent.

this post is for people who are in similar situations as me. people who cant find a way out. people who cant turn to escapes such as drugs. people who protect their abuser whether out of love or for the sake of others.

you’re not the only one. i understand. i know. its hard. you’re drowning. no one will grab your hand no matter how much you reach out. in the rare cases that someone does come you pull away. you’ve lost the best years of your life to trauma and mental illness. it feels like theres no point. nothing helps. nothing works. you’re practically a zombie. you often trigger yourself to cope. you just want the pain to end. you dont want to feel anymore. you want to feel something. you dont want to remember. you want to be loved. you want a sign that you belong here. you want to enjoy life. you want to die. you’re afraid of living but you’re afraid of death.

i’m so sorry you’re hurt. i hope you find peace and salvation in a safe manner. i hope you heal and enjoy life to the fullest.

dont really know how to end this. i hope we’ll all be okay. i hope everyone whos been traumatized can find peace on earth. i hope breathing can start to feel a little easier. sorry this is so long. take care of yourselves.

#depression #traumacore #ventcore #Ptsd #Suicidal thoughts #depressing thoughts #venting #abuse #child abuse #anxiety #bpd #adhd #Suicide #borderline personality disorder #post traumatic stress disorder #Self harm #personal

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iscribble · 4 years ago

Text

the love we held on to (m)

pairing: lee seokmin x fem!reader synopsis: being in love with the man who makes his words sound like a romantic and intricate piece of poetry means cherishing the golden days you get to listen to his voice, until all that’s left of him is a simple yet evocative song you promise to treasure with all your heart. genre(s): vocalist!seokmin, strangers to lovers, romance, angst, smut (warning: unprotected sex, profanties, character death) word count: 6,870 a/n: i wished this was longer, wouldve had much more impact i guess:( anyways almost cried writing this ;-; brace yourselves people!!

Bleak and bitter nights were not your favourite. They were ridiculously cold, as if a dark entity was overlooking the whole town with its raw breath gusting through jouissance from the homes of the people and replacing it with unwanted melancholy. The clubs would not be as crowded, shopping centres would close hours earlier from the lack of customers, and the streets, oh the streets, would always look a little too lonely.

Bleak and bitter nights were not your favourite, but it was during an evening of such that you had fallen in love with the man that had proven again and again that he was your world. Your safe haven. However, fate wasn’t on your side, for now you can only see him through the one song the two of you used to hold so dearly, or so you thought.

“I promise you’ll love it there!” Seungkwan was a man of persuasion and everyone would’ve known that by the way his words swirled as sweet invitations into your head that made your body involuntarily acquiesce. “Please? I’ll even introduce you to the handsome vocalist!”

“The what now?” You almost spat out the earthy savour of white tea that has yet to hit your throat, already questioning Seungkwan’s exaggerated coaxing. “Look I don’t need no handsome vocalist, I’ll go if you pay.”

The obvious shine in his eyes dimmed into a light glare as you reached the end of your sentence. The long-drawn-out roll of his eyes ultimately concluded with him agreeing, although quiet mumbles of how this would be the last time he paid for the both of you were still plainly ricocheting off the walls.

Like the swift gesture of lighting a match, the mean whirl of air outside became devoted to mantling your figure that donned a navy a-line dress, matching Seungkwan’s dress shirt the colour of an emperor butterfly.

Ever since the surfacing of a notice informing that a casual dining restaurant had just opened up for business not too far from your place, he had been unceasingly imploring you to dine with him in the comforts of the serene eatery. The place was accentuated with a blue glow, incandescing across the orderly arrangements of tables. It emanated the pleasant amity within the confines of your apartment, the kind of warmth that granted snugness to the people busy savouring their meals.

Seungkwan's adamant desire grew stronger when he learned that one of his best friends had placed a job as the vocalist of the band responsible for adding to the solace of the restaurant.

“Isn’t this lovely?” His eyes skimmed across the sapphire grandeur of the place, never landing on anything even though his figure was rooted to the sofa. The stage that grandly stood at the front bore a couple of performers who played different instruments with their undivided attention. You let the intoxicating resonance travel to your ears and influence your body, feeling it slowly swaying to the gentle melody.

“Are my eyes playing tricks on me or there really isn’t a handsome vocalist onstage?” You brought up, suddenly remembering that Seungkwan had wanted to introduce you to a friend of his.

“You’re blind,” Seungkwan retorted, subtly pointing at a taller male standing next to the stage, “he’s right there.”

The male was evidently lost in the effortless flow of the violin, seemingly immersed in the gig. As the song neared its end, he bounced on his toes, shaking off the nervous tension inundating his body.

“That’s him, that’s him!” Seungkwan shouted in a whisper as the man made his way to the stage. “Damn, told ya he looked fine.”

Seungkwan wasn’t wrong. The stellar glow that flooded the place now centred on the handsome man, spotlighting details of his stunning features. His hair was brushed up, as if showing off his fetching ebony eyes and the attractive smile that appeared behind the microphone. He stood there practically glowing like an angel. For a fleeting moment you wondered what his voice sounded like. It couldn’t be more perfect than this, could it?

As profound emotions started to well up inside him, a beautiful tune withdrew from his mouth, pervading the place and making you shiver. His voice sounded like an angel singing with euphony, filling a void you didn’t even know existed within you.

“Seokmin really is something else.” Seungkwan dreamily muttered, eyes still glued on the man. The restaurant had become the quietest since you arrived, everyone seemingly drunk with his vocals filling their ears.

His name was Seokmin.

From the look in his eyes, you could tell that the romantic ballad he delivered was imbued with sincerity, stemming from the depths of his heart. The words that gracefully circled about the place were not as clear as you hoped, but the lyrics were merely a cosmetic quality to the voice that touched your heart. A simple hum drawn from his mouth would’ve had you falling for him anyway.

The cold evening elapsed rather quickly as Seokmin serenaded the diners. You leaned against the chair, still trying to make sense of how someone could so immaculately be the shining example of perfection.

You finished your dinner just in time to catch Seokmin blending in with the rest of the performers after he finished his repertoire. Seungkwan looked at you and nodded toward the handsome man, extending his hand and zooming past the array of tables once you held on.

“Hyung!” He waved vigorously at the male, plucking his attention. The dark glint of ebony in his eyes came to life as he spotted Seungkwan inching closer with a huge grin. You watched in an awkward stance as they shared a brotherly hug, quite unsure of your place. You endured the sticky silence as your best friend threw out compliments with dramatic gestures of his hands, before Seokmin finally noticed you.

“Oh, are you his girlfriend?” Seokmin turned to you. Perhaps your perception was distorted, or your eyes were fooling you, when you caught his lingering stare on you just a few seconds before he finally spoke. Seungkwan did not notice this, though. Maybe you were mistaken. You tightened your interlocking fingers as a rosy tinge coloured his cheekbones.

Seungkwan snorted at his silly guess. You hit his arm lightly, although admitting that the idea was too obnoxious. “No, I’m a friend of his.” Your fingers were now free. Your right hand came up to hold the strap of your purse.

“Oh!” Seokmin's lips that were already broad enough extended even further, as if discreetly telling you he was delighted at the revelation. “Nice to meet you, I’m Seokmin!”

You knew your mind wasn’t making things up before before when you also felt the prolonged touch of his hand on yours. It was only supposed to be a handshake. Your body jolted with electricity when his thumb ran over your dorsal side.

You introduced yourself, throwing Seungkwan a mocking look knowing that he was the one who promised to do it.

But this way you’d only have yourself to blame when the unspeakable pang of heartache comes tumbling down to you in the course of your love story.

The second time you saw Seokmin was due to your own will power. Your last encounter with him left you with nothing but the growing wish to meet again, not even his phone number. You had nothing that could possibly connect yourself to Seokmin other than your hell of a friend Boo Seungkwan, who would chaff you with all his might if he knew about the problem.

You weren’t sure of when he’d perform at the restaurant, so you had absolutely no pointers of the right time to go there. It would, however, be a sensible plan to go there the same day Seungkwan had asked you to last week. So you did that, but this time, you were going alone.

You arrived a little behind time. The man you wanted to meet was already halfway through his first song. You took a seat at the back and watched as he sang a couple more songs, all the while ingesting your food. You had doubts on going alone at first, picturing all the judgmental stares that would be thrown in your way. You forgot that as soon as a word leaves his lips, everyone else would be immersed in his performance.

Before the final song ended you called for the waiter and paid your bill. You wanted to talk to Seokmin.

He slipped off the stage and ordered a drink at the bar. You came up to him, gently tapping his shoulder.

“Seokmin,” you sounded more enthusiastic than you had wanted to, it was almost demeaning. A soft hue wormed its way to your cheeks. You were wordless after that. When you went with a simple “hello,” you hoped Seokmin remembered you.

When his back slowly faced the other side and he confirmed that it was really you, you swore your heart banged against the cage that harboured it harder than it already did before. Not only because he remembered your name, but the way it sounded coming from him was like nothing you’ve ever heard.

And you knew you had to get used to that when he told you he would treat you to dinner.

“I just had dinner!” You announced rather quickly, although not wanting to skip an opportunity with Seokmin.

“Are you just going to let me eat alone then?” He asked you rhetorically, not expecting an answer from you anyway. “Come, there's an empty seat.”

Seokmin pulled out a chair for you. You shyly smiled at him, taking your seat. Of all the farcical scenarios you had rewound in your head, none of those involved Seokmin treating you to dinner.

“Why did you come here alone?” He asked after placing his order.

You were too shy to admit that the principal reason was sitting in front of you. You weren’t going to say that. So you had to make up a reason.

“Oh, Seungkwan was busy.” You awkwardly grinned. “I was too hungry to wait for him so I came here alone.”

“If I was in your place I would’ve ordered takeout or something,” he laughed, those teeth, that handsome smile. “Not come all this way and let it rob my wallet.”

He had a point. The things you do for Seokmin.

He had his ways of making the night go on as nice as it did for two people who barely knew each other. The little cloud of awkwardness floating above you seemed to have effaced as you conversed over dinner.

You zoned out staring at him once in a while, as if his face was this huge canvas of the dimly lit sky, and you were trying to count how many stars adorned it. Unlike the previous week, his hair was now let loose, the almond strands stopping just before his eyebrows. He still looked handsome.

Now that you get to reap the benefits of sitting this close to him and revel in his angelic presence a little longer, you successfully discerned the vanilla scent he had on him. You admired the wrinkle that would show every time he smiled, the cute little mole on his cheek, and the corner of his lips that would reach for the skies every time he laughed. He was breathtaking from afar and ethereal up close.

“Did you curl your hair?” Were the words that pulled you back to your senses. You thought you heard wrongly.

“I’m sorry?” You leaned in closer.

The hairs on your skin stood up at Seokmin’s breath tickling your ear. “Did you curl your hair?”

If Seokmin was aware that you did, that could only mean he remembered how you styled your hair or took in enough of your appearance to remember that you didn't do the same the first time you met. The thought made you a little dizzy, in a good way.

“I did actually!” You broke into a toothy smile. “How'd you notice?”

Now that it was his turn to confess, his ears painted themselves a lighter red. “I thought you were beautiful last week, you're even cuter like this.”

You tried to assure yourself that it was the great deal of food you consumed that made you slightly tipsy. It couldn't be his words, could it? No one could ever have such an effect on you.

After Seokmin had paid for the both of you, you reached for your purse and slung it over your shoulder. Seokmin had offered to walk you home, which you, almost too fast, accepted. Your place was not too far from the restaurant and you wanted more of this novel but exhilarating feeling. With one quick wave at his bandmates, Seokmin guided you outside with his hand on your back.

“Hey, you wanna step inside for a bit?” You find yourself asking Seokmin as both of you arrived at your door.

“Sure!” he answered with the same smile that hung on his lips a while ago, “I'm sure this is where Seungkwan’s been hanging out a lot right?”

“That's right,” you let a giggle slip past the narrow opening of your lips. You opened the door for him and fumbled for the light switch.

Having Seokmin in your apartment made you ten times more conscious of how its form would strike someone that wasn't a close friend. You realised that you never turned off the kitchen lights that were visibly broken (you could see it blinking). The cabinet over your sink was still open, and your bevy of footwear wasn't even in your shoe rack from all those days you didn't bother to put them back.

You were forced to jettison those thoughts after Seokmin assured you it was okay. You told him to make himself at home as you barrelled across the kitchen.

You were unconsciously singing a line from an indie track you had just added to your playlist of diverse genres as you prepared a glass of water for Seokmin. You were used to being alone, belting out quivery high notes when the place was too lonely to your taste. It had become a habit which you never intended on sloughing off.

The fragile tune that rippled from the kitchen only made him smile even more.

“You have a nice voice.” Your eyes enlarged at the sound of his voice. The jewel of a professional vocalist was sitting on your sofa and you just went all around the place hitting notes you weren't even sure you got right.

“Oh my gosh did I just sing out loud?” You shouted from the kitchen. A soft chuckle tiptoed to your ears.

“Let’s sing together!”

“I’d rather not, really.” You handed him the red mug with the scatty-looking pattern of uneven pink hearts.

Seokmin wasn't even giving you a choice. Your answer to his question really didn't matter because as soon as he brought up the idea, he started singing anyway. He looked at you, eyes adjuring you to join him while his voice coaxed yours to leave your lips, his smile that glows like the sun never fading. You didn't have a choice when his hand lifted to squeeze yours, another victorious way of persuading you.

Your voice was a cipher compared to his, like a tiny crumb beside a scrumptious blueberry pie. You struggled to even maintain the right tune as he harmonised with you. But Seokmin’s outstretched smile taped to his face like old gum that sticks to the underside of a chair. He looked at you as if you had the most beautiful voice, or as if your voice was even beautiful to start with. You wanted to be reserved but he didn’t comply. He made you feel easy. He kept on nodding at the words coming out of your mouth, smiling even wider when your voices blended just the way he wanted to.

“You have such a sweet voice.” He complimented you as your spontaneous singing came to an end. Your throat felt dry.

“You think so?” You asked, not even bothering to hear his reply. No matter how many times he waxed lyrical about you, you knew your voice was never that good. Seokmin just made it seem so believable.

He tightened his grip on your hand that had already begun to sweat. “How come Seungkwan never tells me he has a friend like you?”

“What do you mean?” You said in a fit of giggles. “I’m nothing special! Seungkwan only told me about you last week and I wished I had known you since forever!”

Light-hearted laughters fused within the walls of your living room as you talked about each other. It was almost ten when you realised Seokmin had been staying in your apartment longer than you had planned. He seemed to have realised that too when he suddenly stood up and searched the sofa for his things, preparing to leave.

You opened the door for him, stepping aside to give him space. Seokmin’s oscillating stare between your eyes and the curve of your lips imploded when he finally placed a light kiss on your cheek. You blushed at the contact.

The night could not go on forever and Seokmin finally disappeared from the borders of your vision.

You could not wait to see him again.

Seokmin was like a dream. Oh he was one. A dream that afflicts your mind with the best kind of inebriation and thick fog that unceasingly dances inside your head. A dream that leaves you in the lurch almost frustratingly, urging you to beg for more. An unrivalled dream that portrays all the emotions you've kept under wraps from Seokmin, unleashing all at once.

He was a dream you could never get enough of.

The moment his tongue slipped past your folds and pushed inside you, you felt as if the world began to erase everyone but the both of you, keeping you still in his built arms, rooting you in place as his tongue danced on your core.

Your fingers treated his hair like a pillar, finding support in the soft strands and pulling them every time he hit the right spot, making him hungrier.

This was only meant to be a game. A stupid 7 minutes in heaven that your friends had asked you to play, in an attempt to add colour to the scene at Seungkwan’s party that had started to degrade into boring leisure.

You had agreed to play only because Seokmin was in it. It would be a perfect disguise to be more intimate with him. Your heart almost leaped out of your chest when the bottle pointed at Seokmin when it was your turn.

He had started with a simple “I’ll kiss you for the sake of the game, alright?” without knowing that none of you would be able to resist the other as soon as his lips landed on yours. Neither of you wanted to pull away, and neither of you thought seven minutes would be enough. You had granted access for his tongue to traverse your mouth, his hands promptly raising to hold your neck when he felt the addictive tingle. He started planting kisses on your jaw, adding a little suck for every time he went farther down.

“S-seok,” you groaned as he sucked on your nipple. Seokmin paused and asked you if you wanted him to continue. You nodded eagerly, not wanting to be free from his touch. He continued placing kisses down your torso while his right hand massaged your breast. You leaned against the sink, letting out quiet whimpers here and there as he neared the place you wanted him the most.

He was quick to discard your shorts along with your underwear. You could no longer see Seokmin’s sugary smile and hear the ringing of his melodic voice. All you could see was the hunger growing in his eyes as he asked for permission to devour you. But beneath all that you could also see the faint twinkle of love.

Seokmin’s nimble tongue made you cum in no time, your legs wobbling like you had just run a marathon. Your fingers tugged harder at his hair, earning a groan from him. You were having a hard time holding yourself steady so you gripped his shoulders and leaned forward, gasping for air.

He tasted the sweet trail of juice that glossed your thighs, enjoying each part that relayed a distinctive tang but still bore its honeyed consistency. He was careful as he grabbed both of your hands that rested on his shoulder, stood up and kissed them lovingly.

You were breathless, but you were far from satisfied.

“F-fuck me, Seokmin.” You shakily whispered in his ear with the last of your voice.

“If you say so love,” Seokmin gave in to you by turning you around so that you would be facing the mirror while he fucked you. He placed a kiss on your shoulder before aligning his cock with your entrance, slowly pushing into you when your breathing has stabilised. You started your series of unrestrained moans as he stretched your walls, smirking behind you.

“I am so in love with your voice.” He cooed, starting at a steady pace. He pulled out and pushed inside you gently for a couple of times, with you latching onto the sink for support.

Your moans did not go unheard, and you knew that when your friends on the other side of the door started whistling and throwing a "you go Seokmin!" every once in a while, but also reminding that you had less than a minute left.

This had only fuelled the fire in Seokmin. He began fucking you faster and rougher, like he was desperate to release. You screamed at the amalgam of pain and pleasure. His hand ran to your clit, rubbing circles over it to make you cum for the second time. "Moan for me love, let me hear you again."

Alas, seven minutes was over before the both of you even managed to come undone.

“I’m opening the door!” Seungkwan shouted over the thick layers of your groans. Even then Seokmin wasn't pulling out of you yet. You could see the door slowly open from the corner of your eyes, your bottom half still naked and Seokmin was still inside you, fucking you like there was no tomorrow.

The both of you came as Seungkwan turned the lights on, the profuse mixture of cum instantly leaking out of you and staining the tiles.

“What the hell?” Seungkwan said in shock as he shut the door. You could hear the rest of the boys bewailing and gagging at the sight. They may be scarred for life.

Despite all the ruckus outside, Seokmin's sweet smile addressed you through the mirror as you looked at him with the obvious hint of drowsiness hanging off your eyes. He kissed your cheek and cleaned you up.

“I think we traumatised them.” There it was, his ravishing voice overflowing the place once more. He leaned down to kiss the crimson allure that is your lips. “How about we continue this at your place?”

You smiled, still intoxicated at the mere sight of him.

Ever since your heated session with Seokmin, the two of you started seeing each other a lot more. He had asked you out on dates, which would almost always end up with your body being absolutely sore the next day, mulberry streaks scattered all over the expanse of your shoulders.

The third time you went to that restaurant with Seungkwan and more of your friends, you were practically avoiding Seokmin.

Hell, every time you set foot in that redolent setting, you’d often have to conceal the scarlet patch that graced your cheeks and act like nothing was going on between you and Seokmin, all the while withstanding the teasing that came from the guys. Every time they decided to approach him after dinner and shower him with accolades, you’d stay quiet. When they finally started to leave the place you’d always look back and find Seokmin smiling at you, sometimes even risking to smirk. But that was it, that would be the only interaction you had with him.

However, when you came alone, Seokmin's public facade would dissipate into a sea of trifling dust. He would always make sure you’d leave the place limping and breathing for air.

You would advance toward him with a little verve to your step, always intrigued for what’s to come. He would guide you toward the bathroom when everyone else was engrossed in the enticing ballad that flowed throughout the place. The second you were alone he would spare you no time to ease up, immediately pushing you against the wall, lifting both of your legs and locking them around him. He would clutch your hands above your head and let his tongue wander inside your mouth. It would still have the taste of whatever you were eating that night. You’d stay like that for a few minutes and then Seokmin would bring you down, casting aside his trousers and setting aside your underwear before pushing himself inside you with no warning. This would always end up with you incoherently moaning his name. He’d fuck you against the wall with your legs fixed around his hips. He needed to be quick so sex in the restaurant was always quicker and messier than the slow nights in your bedroom.

This routine would drag out for quite some time until the night of a bleak and bitter Friday in your bedroom when the evening wind was especially foul.

You were hypnotised by Seokmin’s lustful gaze, his cock still buried deep inside you even as he finished his messy release. When he didn’t move you lifted your hand and grazed the golden expanse below his eye. “What are you doing Seok?”

Seokmin didn’t answer. Words didn’t come out of his mouth. Rather a poem. A melody. A song. He started a lullaby that coursed along with the evening wind that had seeped through the open window. It was a love song.

His voice was supposed to soothe you, to calm the nimble surge of blood flowing through your veins, to hold you like a mother’s warm embrace. And although it did, it forged the jitters more than alleviate them.

“Seokmin,” you whispered, still looking into his eyes. He hummed in response.

“Why is it a love song you’re singing when you’re not even in love with me?”

He paused.

“I never got to confess, love.” He stroked your swollen lips. “I love you. I know I do.”

Before you could speak again your lips were connected with his, this time moving slow and sensually in genuine intimacy, a contrast to the previously hungry and rushed kisses. You continued just like that, a heart-to-heart link between your lips shedding sheer exhaustion from sex.

Until you had to break the kiss to answer him.

“I love you too Seokmin.”

He smiled, the love song that halted beginning to pour out from his heart again. Your eyes were getting heavier and heavier and before you knew it, you were asleep. The last thing you saw was his eyes, setting forth a colossal amount of warmth.

“Sweet dreams, my love.”

No matter how much you told him you hated your voice, Seokmin just couldn’t get enough of it. He loved the sweetness to it. He said it gave him strength. He said it was always the first thing that came to his mind every morning and the last sound he'd imagine before closing his eyes. He was in love with the lamblike tune that came from your lips even when they came out breathy, croaky, or slightly going wide of the right notes.

So you weren’t surprised when he brought you to Jihoon’s studio, claiming that he wanted to hear your voice every second of his day. Of course, you did everything you could to resist.

“Love, please?” He begged you again and again. “We’ll sing together, it’s gonna be alright.”

The only reason you eventually agreed was because you couldn't risk living without his voice holding you together.

Jihoon’s studio was Jihoon’s home. You could tell by the recording tools tending to his need every time he pressed a button, the outcome seeming to be just what he wanted. The oyster pail and a pair of chopsticks sloppily abandoned on his coffee table. The tall stack of wrinkled pillows sitting on the edge of the couch. The subtle beat coming from his headphones. Just the way he seemed to blend in with everything there.

Seokmin gave your hand a reassuring squeeze when it was your turn to sing. He tapped on your hand, tallying with the rhythm so you would stay in beat. His smile stayed apparent for as long as you sang. When it came to the harmonising part, he manoeuvred in the poky room to sing behind you while still keeping your fingers locked together. Jihoon, the man with no tolerance for physical affection whatsoever, blushed at the sight.

The thing about Seokmin was that although he had a voice that sounded like it came from the heavens, he would make you forget that you were singing with someone as good as him. He would obliterate the invisible weight on your shoulders and make you feel that you had the voice of an angel too.

“That’s a wrap!” Jihoon said from the other side of the glass. He had a bottle of coke in his hand.

“Thanks hyung!” Seokmin shouted. He kissed your brow. “Told you it wasn’t that bad.”

That evening you had a thought:

Every relationship has its own clear-cut tribulations. So when yours didn’t have one, you were starting to wonder if something should’ve happened by now.

And then it did.

Amidst the unbroken stridulating of crickets in the howling wind, there was a subtle knock on your door. It was Seokmin. A huge box of pizza wasn’t the only thing he brought. There was news. News that would eventually augment his world but demolish yours to rack and ruin. You felt nauseous, mostly.

“I’m leaving the country in a month.” He spoke while holding your hand. “An overseas agency saw a video someone uploaded of me and they wanted to cast me. It apparently went viral.”

“Seokmin..” you said in a hushed tone, restraining your tears. “I mean that’s great news! But that only means-”

“That we won’t see each other again for quite some time love.” He squeezed your hand, not wanting to look at you for his eyes were already brimming with crystal tears.

“How long?” You said quietly.

Seokmin paused for too long, you thought. “I don't know love, but we’ll work it out right?”

The tears that adorned your eyes finally went coursing down your cheeks. Seokmin witnessed this and everything in him broke.

He rubbed your back, calming you as he kissed your neck. He started to hum an all too familiar melody. Starting it slow and gentle while placing soft kisses on your cheek. He pulled away and continued singing even as the colour in his eyes grew feeble.

You couldn’t find it in you to join him. You were too weak. You couldn’t even look him in the eyes. But you wanted to listen to him, to the voice that used to battle waves in the ocean and void the air of gloom over the clouds. Especially because the song was yours and his. An all too familiar song with all too familiar memories, and with him leaving in a month, the song would be the only piece of him you’d have near.

So you let him sing to you. You let him sing for you. You let the lyrics imprint in your head. Let them stick to you like glue. Seokmin kissed the wet tail of tears that ran down your cheeks. You cherished the kiss.

He started kissing your jaw while his fingers played with the hem of your shirt, slowly making its way underneath it. You held him, still sobbing. His fingers started moving toward your chest, as if he was searching for something.

“S-seokmin, what are you doing?” You stuttered from the remnants of teardrops that still threatened to fall.

“Shh,” he hushed you, still buried in your neck. “Just let me make love to you darling.”

You didn’t resist him. You weren’t in your right frame of mind, but even then you wanted him. Your thoughts were everywhere, but every time, he proved to be bigger than them. He had proven again and again that he was your world and you couldn’t escape a world as beautiful as him.

So you laid in bed that night with your hands holding onto his shoulder for support as he thrusted himself inside you. It wasn’t rough, wasn’t messy. He wasn’t selfish, chasing his own high, rather, he let you feel the stream of love gushing through every inch of your body. With every thrust he produced beautiful sounds, with every thrust he conveyed the immense ache in his chest from the thought of living without you by his side. That night, and like every other night he would say, Seokmin made love to you.

And that night, like every other night, he sang for you.

Departure is a bitter subject. It is wounding, even when someone or something of worth waits at the end of the road. It is painful, even when it’s for the best. Though you prepared yourself for this day, you knew you would never be ready enough.

“Listen to our song when you miss me.” Seokmin said while holding your cheek in his hand. “I’ll be there. I’m just one song away.”

“I’m gonna call you when I miss you Seok,” you laughed weakly, voice still hoarse from the long hours you’ve been crying. “but of course, I’ll listen to our song.”

“I will too love, I love you.” Were his final words before bidding farewell to the boys that had also joined in on the heartbreaking little moment. You watched as his figure gradually dissolved into the crowd. He turned to you for the last time and waved, the smile that caught your attention from day one still ever so present on his face. With one last gesture of farewell, he was gone.

Had you known he’d be gone for good, you’d use up more days to admire the surfacing colours of twilight as you leaned on his shoulder. You’d use up more days to share a fervid kiss in the graceful moonlight gleam that danced with your shadows. You wouldn’t have complained when he asked you to sing for him, wouldn’t have resisted when he asked you to sing with him. You’d make love to him every night, every time of the day he wanted to. You’d give him everything he wanted. You’d give him the world. Had you known he’d be gone for good, you never would’ve let him go.

Never.

You decided to treat the boys to dinner. You knew for a fact that they’ve known Seokmin longer than you have, they must’ve felt the same pang of sentiment. Although they didn’t love him the way you did, they were his brothers.

Three hours have passed since Seokmin’s plane departed.

You brought the boys to the restaurant he used to sing at. Their riotous nature and unrestrained laughs that’d appear in between conversations were enough to entirely pretermit the ongoing thoughts you had of Seokmin. Once the group fell silent though, you too fell into a deep yearning for his presence. Seungkwan seemed to notice the subdued change in your expression. He kneaded your back.

“It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright.” He repeated. You needed those words. You smiled at him, grateful that he knew when to exchange his perky nature for a comforting one.

You turned your phone on. You smiled at the screen. It was a picture of you and Seokmin taken by Jihoon at his studio. It was after you had completed recording your song.

You remembered it was Seokmin that had come up with the outline of the lyrics. You had proposed a few romantic lines, which he instantly integrated to the song. You also thought he would be singing it alone. You laughed at how naive you’d been.

You already missed him. You took your earphones out of your purse and plugged it into your phone. You leaned against the chair, admiring the view you had of the boys, Seokmin’s honey voice immediately filling your ears.

But something wasn’t right. Not all of them were conversing in their jovial manner. Jeonghan’s gaze was hooked to his phone, his forehead seemingly wrinkled a little too much. Just as you were about to call his name, he silenced the group first.

“Hey, I don’t mean to freak you guys out or anything, but,” he continued, bringing his phone to face you and the boys. It was a trending news, something about a plane. “Isn’t that Seokmin’s flight number?”

“It is..” you struggled to breathe. “Why is it on the news?”

Jeonghan avoided eye contact as soon as he realised the horror.

“There was an accident. A plane crash. I think Seokmin’s in it.”

You had found yourself more often praying that all of this had been a dream, or wishing that you had been able to foretell the future that waited, more than you were trying to accept the work of fate.

You had found yourself begging countless times for the heavens to bring him back, and you were sick of it. You were sick of yourself acting like this, knowing that it wouldn’t happen no matter how many times you cried and begged. Knowing that you couldn’t escape it. You just had to accept it.

And it sure was hard.

But with all the things Seokmin had taught you while he lived, he had also taught you to be strong. He had taught you to erase whatever tears were beseeching to leave an ugly colour on your golden features, and get back up. He had promised you that no matter what happened, he’d always be there for you. And he wanted you to be strong, for him.

So there you were, standing tall at the podium before everyone else on the day of the wake. You dressed as Seokmin would’ve loved it. You swallowed all the humdrum tears before they could shape in your eyes and started your speech, which was really, just a proclamation of love.

“Lee Seokmin was like the sole streak of light that seeped through a hole in the clouds on a gloomy day. He was always there to lighten up the mood, to put a smile on everyone’s face.”

“and his voice. His voice was heavenly. There aren’t even enough words to describe it, and you would know if you’ve heard him sing.”

You looked up at the boys smiling at you, some nodding their head in agreement and some attempting to hide the tears forming in their eyes. You continued.

“He was like a dream. He was too perfect, I sometimes wonder if he’s even real.” The audience followed you as you smiled.

“But he is,” you nodded, “he is real, and to receive such an immense amount of love from him, every single day of my life, the feeling is just surreal.”

At this point most of the boys weren’t even trying to deny their tears.

You knew Seokmin was watching. Somewhere up there. You knew that although you couldn’t feel his love the same way anymore, it’s still there. And as long as you lived, it would still be there.

“Seokmin gifted me a song before he left,” you glanced at Jihoon, sweetly smiling back at you, “it’s our love story that I will treasure with all my heart. At first, I thought this song would be the only piece of memory I’d have of him,”

“but he has also gifted me this love that’s growing inside me.”

You looked down toward your stomach, to the little bump that was quietly sticking out. You gave it a delicate and gentle caress, the kind that Seokmin would give you after he made love to you. You beamed at the breathtaking sight, your hand still resting on the loving curve as you faced the audience for the last time and finished off your speech.

Seokmin was an angel. He didn’t deserve the evil within this world. But he was finally free, and although you could never deny the prick of grief that dwelled inside you ever since his passing, you were now relieved more than anything else. He was home. He was where angels should be.

You looked up into the sky with a flicker of hope in the eyes he used to adore so dearly.

“Until we meet again my love.”

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thornsofdeath · 4 years ago

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phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell. phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends.

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more.

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope.

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down.

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au. he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live.

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho

#phf #purple haze feedback #fugo #pannacotta #pannacotta fugo #fugo pannacotta #jjba #jojo #mista #guido #guido mista #mista guido #giorno giovanna #giorno #giogio #fugio #vent #rant

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smallestclowninthecircus · 4 years ago

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Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

#tma notes #tma

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 4 years ago

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Discord pt 78

[Date: 15/03, 6:11 AM GMT - 15/03, 7:13 AM GMT]

Marcus: “...

it's been an interesting few days, I suppose

i've been catching up and um

not entirely sure how I feel about all this

everyone's asleep

guess that makes sense”

dreaming: “im awake.. uh sorry if im interrupting or anything..”

Marcus: “not at all!”

dreaming: “okay!”

Marcus: “it's nice to have company late at night

at least..conscious company”

dreaming: “yeah...”

emuhlee: “are you doing alright, marcus? a lot went on, and i'm sure it's a lot to take in”

Marcus: “...

i don't like that she's taking notes on max

i don't like that she's been taken at all, really”

dreaming: “i agree..”

Marcus: “...the laurels

i...can't help but feel that it's my fault

if i'd never taken off my circlet... he wouldn't feel the need to make something more permanent”

dreaming: “it isn't your fault.. you weren't even at the trial...

and it was crown's decision. nobody elses”

emuhlee: “whatever he decides on his own is not your fault”

Marcus: “...”

dreaming: “look we can't change the past.. we got to focus on the future, like.. getting out those who still only have a circlet..”

Marcus: “....

i guess you're right

but

what about Syd?”

dreaming: “we’ll try our hardest

i hope there's a way..

there's got to be something that'll at least make it stop for a bit...

i just hope so..”

Marcus: “I'm worried for them... all of them”

dreaming: “me too..”

Marcus: “I... feel bad about what I did to him too

he didn't deserve to be pushed in the river”

dreaming: “he didn't but there wasn't really.. another option”

Marcus: “i could've just

ran away

...

right?”

dreaming: “we know he could've catched up”

emuhlee: “without that he probably wouldve caught up to you”

Marcus: “...he still didn't deserve it”

dreaming: “you did what you had to as much as crown mightve not deserved it”

emuhlee: “maybe not, but you did what you had to to be safe”

Marcus: “I don't know”

emuhlee: “I understand why you feel bad about it, but if you didn't he could've caught up to you and max.

it might suck to think about but you did what was best at the time given the circumstances.”

Marcus: “..Max was further ahead of me, he would have been fine”

dreaming: “you wouldn't have been.. and we all want you safe.

we all want you to be okay”

Marcus: “i don't... i don't know max

i don't know fetch

or mona

I knew Page and Knight

they’re

they're so different

...but i still care about them

why else would i be staying up all night?

i can't sleep when they sleep”

dreaming: “maybe you don't exactly know them but you're still allowed to care.. i don't really know anyone well here but i still care.

i hope that's.. understandable?”

Marcus: “it.. is

i just don't get why i'm so upset at the difference”

dreaming: “it's okay to be upset, it's okay to miss them.”

Marcus: “i look at them and I see page and knight

because that's how i knew them

but that's not who they are

they aren't happy that way”

dreaming: “i can understand that.. i saw page and knight as max and fetch.. as much as you're valid in your feelings they're still going to be well them. even if they're not the people you knew..”

Marcus: “it makes me wonder...

if he changes how we think so that we're happier

what do fetch and max dislike about themselves so much

that they act like children when they're knight and page”

dreaming: “i don't know..”

emuhlee: “that's... a good question.”

dreaming: “bad things happen.. they change our perceptions of ourselves and not always im a good way...”

Marcus: “....i know that i'm not happy now

not as happy as I was

maybe content is the better word

but

.....i don't like dealing with all of these negative emotions

it's been so long since i've had to”

dreaming: “i know it sucks to deal with that.. but we all go through hardships, feel negative emotions.. if we never felt negatively we'd just be stuck in one place...”

Marcus: “...

negativity is so draining”

dreaming: “it is..”

emuhlee: “yeah,, it is”

dreaming: “but if we were always happy, content with what we have would we ever have the drive to learn more? to see more? i don't even really understand what im saying.. heh”

Maxwell: “....no....syd.....leave her alone.....”

Marcus: “...

negativity”

dreaming: “max..?”

Marcus: “is so draining”

dreaming: “I know”

Marcus: “...he's talking in his sleep again”

dreaming: “...

negativity is draining i know.. but it'll be alright someday. it will, at least i hope so.”

Marcus: “nightmares...

page never had nightmares

but now

max has them almost every night”

dreaming: “max's been through a lot.. page got his memory wiped of anything that would cause them i would think..”

Marcus: “..that was kind of the point in the memory wiping”

dreaming: “yeah..

i wonder why.. page or knight couldn't remember anything but you could...”

Marcus: “.......don't tell them

I'm...

the longer i spend away from it all

the less I remember

i.. barely remember what my comfort room looked like”

dreaming: “..i won't tell anyone... honestly it makes sense you might start forgetting, it was you but it also.. wasn't? to an extent”

Marcus: “..i knew more than they did while we were there

i don't know why

i don't remember”

dreaming: “maybe it's because you had more good experiences before joining the court..”

Marcus: “......

...

..i wouldn't say that”

dreaming: “okay i won't again.”

Marcus: “no no

i wasn't.. telling you

I just”

dreaming: “okay.”

Marcus: “wouldn't describe my past as....pleasant”

dreaming: “okay.. maybe the reason why they didn't remember is because of how much they opposed the court?

y’know”

Marcus: “maybe

they weren't there for that long... were they?”

Marcus: “as far as i knew, max was only there for... a little over two weeks”

dreaming: “nope.. i remember both of them already disliked the court a lot though.. if that's what you meant..”

Marcus: “but

apparently max was gone for much longer than two weeks”

dreaming: “yep..

right when crown took chat he appeared for like.. two minutes?

I think”

Marcus: “...that was deliberate

i think”

dreaming: “probably..”

Marcus: “given the..deal Chat made

i can't”

dreaming: “yeah..”

Marcus: “i can't remember the details

i dont think max was back by accident though”

dreaming: “that's alright..

and yeah max probably wasn't looking back on it..”

Marcus: “...

it’s so

difficult

i didn't have problems sleeping before”

dreaming: “i would assume so..”

Marcus: “but i can't sleep at night

i worry about them too much”

dreaming: “it's okay to worry.. you should try to sleep though...”

Marcus: “i don't want to be..useless

if i”

dreaming: “you aren't useless for resting”

Marcus: “if i'm asleep, i can't help them”

dreaming: “you won't be able to help them if you're too exhausted from not resting to help.”

Marcus: “....

i can rest when someone else wakes up

that's”

dreaming: “okay.”

Marcus: “what i've been doing

although

i did burn my elbow earlier because of how little i've slept”

dreaming: “you should probably sleep more then, if you can't sleep when others are maybe talk to them about it and work out something so you can rest properly.”

Marcus: “i'd rather not inconvenience them...”

dreaming: “it isn't inconveniencing to ask for help”

Marcus: “.....”

dreaming: “look, if i was theoretically there i'd help.

but y'know. im not”

Marcus: “..I know

i just..don't want to worry anymore”

dreaming: “it's probably going to end up worrying them anyways if you keep doing this.”

Marcus: “...they seem fine with my day time naps

even if they only last an hour”

dreaming: “that's good.. im glad you're sleeping even if it's not as much as you should”

Marcus: “...waking up again is the hard part.

i'm either suddenly awake due to a nightmare

or i'm suddenly awake due to anxiety”

dreaming: “..i'm sorry”

Marcus: “.....”

dreaming: “that that's happening..”

Marcus: “you don't

you dont have anything to be sorry for?

i dont understand”

dreaming: “yeah i know.. i just have a habit...”

i'll try not to do it as much..”

Marcus: “...many of you have a habit of apologizing for things you didn't do

you don't have to change how you act

i guess i'm a bit of a hypocrite”

dreaming: “yeah.. im kind of one too. im telling you to sleep while i'm definitely staying up to late just to get some time to myself i guess..”

Marcus: “the quiet is nice”

dreaming: “it is”

Marcus: “...max is having another nightmare, i'm going to go try and calm him down

i hope you have a good rest of your night

maybe..try to sleep if you can”

dreaming: “okay.. you too marcus.. and ill try...”

Marcus: “hmm i'd like to send a smile but i'd rather not concern anyone with the connotations....

oh, i'll do what fetch does

:]”

dreaming: “:]”

#on:discord #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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sombreboy · 4 years ago

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Love Maze »18

Previous » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 7.7k ▎ ch.warnings: profanity, angst, jealousy, violence, blood, mentions of hospitals, yandere side character is back and he's CRAZY

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang ♡♡♡

The following day was huge, today was the big game that they've prepared for forever! Jungkook headed out early, leaving Jisoo's home to head over to his own to grab his backpack before heading to school for the last morning practice. This afternoon was it; he had to be in his best form to perform well. Kook made his way to the locker room to change, a bit earlier than everybody else. He wanted to warm up properly, and give his all in the last practice. He loved the thought of competition, excited to show off the endless stamina he's spent countless hours building up for.

Taehyung stalled, lingering close to Jungkook like a pest just waiting to pounce on the opportunity to talk to him.. He waited and waited; until the opportunity never came. “Fucking pussy..” Tae self-loathed, watching as everyone else was quickly ushered out of the locker room by Namjoon.

“Tae, come on! You too.” The Captain was stressed, anyone could see that. Deciding it was for the best to not make a fuss, Taehyung obliged and kept to himself. The elder glanced over at Kook a couple times during practice, wondering how he was doing. Maybe he’d be able to get a hold on the younger before the big game tonight. Tae held on to that possibility.

Jungkook wasn't blind, he could tell that Taehyung's eyes were on him more than usual today. It was weird-- he'd been completely ignored for what felt like forever. Maybe he was just imagining things, however... That must be it-- nerves. He shrugged it off, overthinking was the last thing he needed to do today.

Practice went great, Namjoon praised the guys with a lopsided smile-- the stress and worry was evident, but he was confident in his players. He dismissed the members, Jungkook grabbing his water bottle by the bench to chug it down as he wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand as he resumed to head down to the locker room, the other guys not quite there yet as they stayed around to calm Namjoon's pre-game nerves.

Well, except Taehyung.

Taehyung’s quick, determined strides gradually lost their momentum the moment he pushed on the locker room door, nervous to see Jungkook’s face after what took place between them.. Suddenly, his confidence was equivalent to sand in an hourglass as it dropped by the ticking second. There stood the younger, completely unaware of the motive behind Tae’s hesitant, inclosing steps. He tried not to think about what he was unknowingly exposed to yesterday evening, but Taehyung couldn’t just.. ignore the imprinted image of Jungkook‘s lips molded against someone else’s. A girl. Hell, he couldn’t compete with that.. The elder inhaled a deep breath. “Uhm.. can we— can we talk?” His Adam’s apple nervously danced underneath his neck. “Please?”

Four words. It was the first four words Koo had heard from Tae in weeks.

'Can we talk, please?'

Kook swallowed tightly. Now he wanted to talk? Was ignoring him not enough--now he suddenly wants to talk. "No." He says. There was nothing he imagined that he wanted to hear. He couldn't afford to lose focus, and Tae would definitely not help with whatever he had to say. Kook turned his back towards the elder as he began to change, hoping that would be enough to be left alone. Fuck, this wasn't good. Taehyung had slowly already creeped his way into Jungkooks brain.

Taehyung’s self-confidence deflated on the spot, his disappointment instead peering through the cracks. He’s a fucking idiot. W hat else was he expecting Kook to say? Yes? No matter the initial letdown, Tae wasn’t one to give up easily. “Look, Jungkook— I hate not being able to talk to you.” His piercing gaze roamed over the younger’s bare skin, wishing the two dimples on the latter’s lower back were a pair of eyes. Taehyung wanted Jungkook to listen to him, to see his strained efforts to try and fix the deep shit they were in.

He caused it; he had to end it.

“I-I miss us.. you.” The elder glanced down towards the ground, suddenly wishing Jungkook wouldn’t turn around. If he’d just thought about it for a second longer, Tae wouldn’t have broken up with him. It was an impulsive decision— and fuck.. did he regret it.

Jungkook froze as soon as he pulled the hoodie over his torso. He couldn't believe what he just heard.. was it a dream, where his mind was playing tricks on him? The younger took a deep, slow breath to keep himself together, but it was easier said than done. He really wished Tae wouldve said those words earlier... much earlier... Before he went to Jisoo-- fuck... Kook felt his guarded exterior slowly being chipped away with every piercing word coming off the elders lips, and the mere thought of this was terrifying. He felt guilty, for a part of him wanted Tae back too. A big part. "I... I can't. Okay?" He didnt sound so sure. All he knew was that if he didn't keep his guard up; he'd crumble. And today the game was his priority. Jungkook turns on the spot, regretfully as he saw Taehyung's gloom stance. He seemed sincere... and that only made this entire thing so painful. Fuck, he wishes he could just... hug him. "Tae..." the name was unfamiliar on his lips once more, stepping closer to the elder. He looked a bit different than before-- but before he could say anything else, the rest of the boys came rushing down-- however they came to a halt as they saw their two golden boys in a rather tense situation. Taehyung with his head hanging low, and Jungkook looking absolutely distressed through his doe eyes. The very moment Kook heard the guys, he withdrew the hand he had extended, instead using it to grab his backpack and wordlessly walk away, pushing through the doors with his shoulder before heading towards the dining hall without waiting for anybody.

Jungkook missed him too.. and it was fucking terrifying. Why does Taehyung have this strong grasp on him? He shrugged as he went to sit down in his usual spot in the dining room, rubbing his eyes in annoyance, and an attempt to clear his vision. Game. Game. Game.

It didn't go that well.

Taehyung blankly watched the younger scurry out of the crowded room, ignoring his friends’ careful attempts at squeezing an answer out of him.

“You guys okay or..?”

He turned to look at Yoongi, not bothered to include a verbal clarification. The mint-haired male’s flat expression fell. He was visibly struggling to come up with anything remotely comforting as his palm glided over the sweat on his nape.

“Tae, please.. we need you here for the game, alright? Joon’s already stressed out enough, it’s the least we can do.” Yoongi’s never been in love, but it didn’t take a genius to know Taehyung was hurting because of it. He wasn’t aware of what happened between his friends, but he hoped they’d be able to put it off— whatever it was— until later; after they'd secured their anticipated win.

The rest of the day during school was dreadful, Jungkook couldn't stop replaying the simple words that Taehyung had told him this morning. It was confusing, to say the least. Why'd the elder have to put this on him now? Focusing in class was an impossible task, the one thing his mind tunnel visioned on was to win the game. Nothing else. He'd sacrificed way too much of himself to let this be a flop. As classes ended, he had some time to kill before he had to go prepare himself, so he opted to go for his trusted vending machine to get himself his favourite sweet, explosion of chemicals in the form of banana milk. With a straw pressed between his lips, he headed to sit where he usually would outside the building by the stairs, fishing his phone out to open his text conversations. He'd still kept the one from Tae, hovering over it with his thumb before opening the thread. The latest message was the one that ended their relationship, just after the previous text that was a promise of them meeting after class to fulfill their needs.

Kook sighed, shaking his head as he internally scolded himself for even going through this memory again. He wondered why Taehyung suddenly changed his mind.. and part of him knew he had to find out eventually.

~~~

The day’s blinding light converted into darkness, the sun’s blazing rays nowhere to be seen as seconds turned into minutes, and minutes progressed into hours. The overfamiliar gymnasium gradually filled up with animated students and proud parents, each one there to support and cheer for their respective team.

Taehyung was hidden away in the locker room along with everyone else, partaking in some last minute stretches before it was time for them to confidently walk out into the lion’s den. Tae was sure tonight was the most packed it’s ever been, the muffled commotion reached his alert ears from where he stood, the faint buzzing swelling to a roar.

Well, it wasn’t that dramatic.. Big crowds tended to spike up the elder’s mild anxiety, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.

Taehyung’s hooded eyes were glued on Jungkook, replaying earlier events until it didn’t sit right with him. He wanted to make things right between them— for the game’s sake, and for theirs in the long run.

“Hey, Jung—“

“Jungkook? Hi!” Jisoo greeted with a beaming smile, seeming relieved. “I was dreading coming in here.. didn’t want Yuna to see any naked guys..” The woman awkwardly chuckled, gently withdrawing her hand from the little one’s big, curious eyes.

“Is that a baby?!”

“No, Hoseok, it’s a dog.” Yoongi sassed with a roll of his eyes, following behind their friends to greet the newcomer. Jimin and Hoseok seemed extra infatuated with the chubby little human while Yoongi kept to himself, trying to act unfazed by Yuna’s incoherent babbles. Namjoon and Taehyung however.. Both were wide-eyed.

“Jungkook, who’s this?” Jimin’s plump lips twitched up into a smile, curious about Kook’s friend. Jisoo’s fingers sneakily grazed over the younger’s strong, naked biceps. She tried to be slick, but failed. Jungkook looked extra good in a pair of jersey and shorts..

Meanwhile, Joon and Tae lingered in the corner, watching the situation unfold with narrowed eyes. While Namjoon glared at Jungkook, Taehyung glared at Jisoo.

Jungkook's eyes widened at the surprise, expecting her to be out in the audience rather than... well, in their locker room. It didn't fail to make his lips tug into a toothy grin though, giving Yuna's small nose a little boop of his finger before turning to Jisoo. ''Hey,'' he smiled, noting how Yuna relished in the attention of his hyungs. As they asked him, who the hell this girl was, he took a long second to think. They weren't something, but they also weren't nothing. ''She's my friend,'' he settles with this explanation, ''Lives next door.'' He didn't like to go too much into details, that's all they needed to know.

Jisoo merely agreed in the form of a nod, discreetly confused about where they stood. Now that the question was innocently brought up, it got her thinking.. They’ve kissed, fucked (sometimes more than once on the same day), spent almost every waking day together.. it nearly checked off all of the requirements for a relationship. It was a tricky situation, and alike Jungkook, she barely went into clear details— only useless rambling. “Anyways, I didn’t bring you the fancy sign, I know.” She joked with Kook, turning the locker room into her personal stage as she acted disappointed in herself. “But..” Jisoo looked around, making sure no one was in their point of hearing. “When you guys win, I’ll reward you with whatever you want. You know, to make up for it.” The woman stepped back, her usual smile decorated with the exhilaration of tonight’s possible affair.

Taehyung was fuming... He couldn’t bear to see the two of them together after what he came across the other day.

“They seem close, huh..” Namjoon noted with barely any emotion in his voice, arms securely crossed over his chest. Tae, who stood next to him, simply scoffed. “Yeah, they’re close alright.”

What did Jungkook see in Jisoo, anyway? Sure, she was nice.. caring, compassionate, pretty— all nice qualities. Taehyung only angered himself further. The woman was the perfect person for him. It got Tae wondering why the fuck they haven’t gotten married and birthed ten more perfect kids yet. They were so.. loud with their affection, it was annoying.

“Uhm, I mean, how close?” It was obvious Namjoon was jealous, no matter how hard he tried to play off his feelings.

“I caught them kissing. That’s how close.”

“W-what?” The elder’s hands unknowingly clenched into fists, not believing what he’d just heard.

Is that why Jungkook got so angry that one time..? It had to be.

Jungkook smiled coyly at Jisoo as she stepped back, stretching his back for the final remaining minutes. ''I'll look forward to it. Go get a seat before they're all taken!'' he jokes. But truly, there were a whole lot of people. Before Jisoo left with Yuna, she looked at Jungkook over her shoulder, meeting his eyes with a small smile. He waved vaguely as she disappeared out of view before turning back to his hyungs, not aware of the stares he's getting from Namjoon and Taehyung.

''Alright, let's do this!'' Hoseok chimes, working together with Jimin and Jin to bring the group together into a hug, smushing Tae and Kook together involuntarily, Joon as well in the mess. As if it came naturally, Taehyung’s arm wrapped around Jungkook’s smaller waist as their friends huddled together. While everyone else’s was on each other’s upper backs, Tae’s instincts just had to kick in at the wrong time. By the time he’d noticed, Joon’s body had practically locked him in position. It would’ve been awkward if Tae attempted to squeeze his arm out in the middle of Jin’s hushed ‘poetically powerful’ pregame speech, so he let it be. The taller nervously glanced at Kook from time to time, swallowing down his remaining panic. Taehyung’s bigger hand gently squeezed at Jungkook’s hip, his fingers digging lightly into the fabric of the younger’s Jersey. He missed having him this close... All of this unfolded in the midst of Seokjin’s uplifting words, so it was no surprise when Tae had no idea what his hyung had said by the end of it.

Just like Tae, Jungkook was unable to focus on anything that Jin blabbered about, the one thing he was hyper focused on was the close proximity of the elder. The way his strong hand wrapped around him-- the hand that applied pressure on his hip... It brought back an emotion that he thought he'd finally gotten rid of. Oh how foolish he was. He craned his neck forward, his long curls hiding the expression in his eyes, while his lips barely parted in a quiet sigh. He missed having him this close too...

As the group finally withdrew, giving the boys the much needed space and cheers coming from their hyungs, Jungkook felt like he stayed in Taehyung's arm for a second longer than he planned to, quickly pulling away to roll his tongue inside of his cheek. ''Alright, guys.'' Namjoon announced as he gave every member a pat on the back as they headed out towards the court-- well, until it was Jungkook walking past him. A glare shot his way, but the younger didn't take notice of this, instead fighting his internal battle of trying to suppress his thoughts to focus on the game.

Taehyung quickly followed behind Kook, itching to close the distance between them once again. Now that he’d gotten a taste of what he used to have, it was incredibly hard to pretend to hide his true feelings.. The urge grew more intense when they jogged into the packed court, peers’ blaring shouts of encouragement making Tae want to curl up against his ex-boyfriend’s chest and wake up in a more serene location. The younger’s bed, perhaps.. The thrill that used to overtake him at the thought of tonight’s game was no longer alive. He found the atmosphere suffocating, and the roars annoyingly unbearable. The elder didn’t know why he was extra sensitive to the loud noises, but he figured the constant buzzing in his ear was to blame. The piercing sound had yet to subdue, and it didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

Before the major game began, each team was given a few minutes to practice their free throws. Taehyung jumped in line behind the younger, building his confidence to lean towards Jungkook’s ear. “I miss you, and I’m sorry.” He whispered. It was killing him not knowing what to expect.. Did Kook want him back, or not? The elder lingered in that position for a second longer, only moving when the string of players did. E ven then, Tae remained close to Jungkook. He didn’t worry about the audience’s stares from the stands, or the questions that might pop into their heads. The rare moment Taehyung wasn’t so caught up in strangers' wandering eyes, was when he desperately needed to be. If he’d been as attentive as before, he would’ve easily pinpointed a certain devilish glare from the crowd.

Jungkook kept his eyes focused forward, however he was listening to every single word that went into his ear. Tae was way too close, in front of all these people... "Why are you telling me this now?" Kook glanced over his shoulder for a mere second to glare at Taehyung, but just as quickly returned to focus on the line as it moved. If there were ever a worst possible time to discuss their breakup, this was it. But Taehyung seemed desperate. And Jungkook slowly grew too unfocused for his own liking. He'd worked too hard for this game to let it go to waste-- and he didn't want to talk about this. Not now. Before Taehyung could say anything else, Jungkook leaped forward with the basketball in his hand, relieved he was able to remove himself from Taehyung for the moment.

Taehyung momentarily paused his ‘trying to win him back’ speech, piercing eyes glued onto Jungkook until he was caught off guard by the basketball thrown at him. Getting in position, Tae aimed for the net. The elder was surprised he made it, his focus was on anything but the game. He carelessly threw the ball to the person behind him, jogging back to a single line formation. “I’m telling you this now because I should’ve done it a long time ago.” Taehyung resumed, standing a little too close to the younger. “Jungkook, I’m sorry. I-I freaked out over nothing, I didn’t think any of this shit through.” He hesitated after a few seconds, “I still love you, so much.. I don’t want to just.. throw that away..”

Jungkook crossed his arms over his chest, grasping at his own biceps to practically hold himself in place so he wouldn't turn around to look at Taehyung. He felt his emotional walls crack, the emotions seeping through was not what he wanted as he was in front of this many people. He took a deep breath through his nose, shoulders visibly tense as he took a moment before he replied. ''But you did. More than once.'' Kook's focus on breathing slowly brought him back down to earth, building those small walls back up to remain as stoic as possible in front of the audience, taking a short step away from the elder as the line moved once more. He just wanted the game over with at this point.

The elder’s shoulders sank along with his confidence. The last thing Taehyung expected was for Jungkook to give in easily, but he also wasn’t anticipating the latter to be so vigilant. Then again, Tae naively played with his feelings countless times. He knew the younger was only trying to look out for himself— and his bruised heart. Shit.. it hadn’t fully sunk in until now. Taehyung fucked up. Bad. He was starting to doubt there was a solution to their problem. “No, you’re right.” Tae kept his distance, not wanting to make Jungkook uncomfortable. “I did, and fuck do I regret it. I just... I really miss you and—“ The timer in the scoreboard echoed throughout the large gymnasium, cutting Taehyung off mid sentence.

He had a feeling this was going to be a long night..

Jungkook turned to give Taehyung a glance before he headed towards their side of the court with the team, an unnamed emotion in his eyes before it slowly morphed into his focused persona when it came to basketball. As previously mentioned, the younger didn't come here to play around. He was here to win. He's prepared for this match with his entire being.

The teams gathered in each side, Jungkook and the others in a large circle as Namjoons eyes roamed the players. "Okay, this is it. Put your everything into this game.." he paused when his eyes flickered to Jungkook, a hidden glare thrown his way before they go back to the rest, "Let's get it!"

"Let's get it!" The rest of them cheered before getting into respective positions.

Along with Namjoon, Jimin, and Jungkook— Tae was one of the first players sent out into the bustling court. It was during moments like these that he wished he was a benchwarmer. Taehyung lacked his usual spirited determination. The elder’s pregame jitters were fully hidden behind his worrisome exterior, and catching sight of Jisoo silently cheering for Jungkook to do his best in the form of an encouraging fist only provoked Tae’s sullen expression to harden. Turns out he wasn’t the only one who saw, Namjoon was one step ahead of him.

“Jungkook!” Joon shouted, seeing how the younger stalled to get in position, likely because he was drawn to Jisoo’s cute antics. “Hurry up, you can talk to your girlfriend later.” He spat, gaze lowering in response,

Jungkook knew how he felt about the older woman, how could he do that to him? Kook's eyes widen before they squint in confusion, completely caught off guard by Namjoon's sudden words-- that were definitely laced with something. He knew their captain had a crush on her, but he also kind of fucked it up himself. "What? No, she's..." he was interrupted by the buzzer going off, shifting his gaze from his captain to the one thing that he wants to focus on; the damn ball.

Jungkook was doing well as expected, his attacking role perfectly suitable for him. However, whenever his captain got the ball, and he was in a free position to get a perfect throw, he was surprised to see Joon ignore him, glare at him or simply just pass somebody else. What's his problem...

Further into the game it was getting close to half time, and Jungkook was growing frustrated with the way he was being treated like this. He was barely able to play properly when his captain's childish antics kept happening.

"Joon!" The younger hissed as the first break finally rolled in, "Why do you not give me the damn ball? I had several perfect throws!"

“Several perfect throws my ass..” Namjoon spat under his ragged breath, disregarding his empty water bottle before briskly turning around on his feet. He came face to face with Jungkook, the anger in his eyes having yet to subdue. “You were practically out of it throughout most of the game, Kook!” Namjoon’s voice swelled, garnering the attention of a few of their teammates. “You were staring at Jisoo! If I passed you the ball—“ The captain cut himself short, biting down on his tongue to prevent anything he might regret from coming out. “If your girlfriend’s gonna be too much of a distraction, don’t bring her here. We can’t afford to lose this game because of you.”

Jungkooks temper slowly started to build, eyebrows drawn together as he stepped closer to Namjoon, "What's your problem? She's not my girlfriend!" He hissed, huffing through his mouth to move the sweaty bangs out of his eyes. "Are you serious? Lose the game because of me? You're the one who's not letting me get remotely close to the fucking ball!" His eyes were squinted, the obvious flare of his temper burning up too quickly-- the audience murmuring in confusion.

"Hey, calm down" Jimin tries to ease the situation, but they all know the younger's anger was like a rollercoaster.

"No, it's not fair!" Jungkook closed the distance further between him and his captain, making sure only he hears his next words, "Stop acting so childish."

Joon had to scoff. “Yeah, okay. Get away from me, will you?” He harshly shoved Jungkook by the chest, drawing the attention of Taehyung who moved quickly on his feet.

“Namjoon, what the hell— back off.” He stood in between them, momentarily breaking the heavy tension that linked them together.

“Why are you still standing up for him, Tae? You caught them kissing. Jungkook moved the fuck on!”

Taehyung’s facial expression flickered to one of hurt, his clenched fists slowly coming undone as Joon’s eye-opening words began to slowly sink in.

Was it.. was it possible? Jungkook moved.. on?

Namjoon’s chest heaved from a mixture of irritation and exhaustion; not knowing how to come down from it. He’s never been this angry at someone, much less a close friend.

Jungkook clenched his fists hard, the veins in his lower arms prominent. His body slowly moved, as if gradually his anger was fueling him up to pounce Namjoon. But as he took a step, he was held back by Yoongi's hand on his shoulder, out of all people. "You should take a break."

The coach approaches in the same moment, agreeing, "Jeon, you will be dismissed for now. Go take a break."

Jungkook's eyes widened, "No way. I need to play!" He turned to Namjoon, annoyed by the fact that he didnt protest, but simply agreed as well.

"Go."

A disappointed Huff pushed through the younger's lips, shoving away Yoongi's hand from his shoulder before scuffing past Taehyung to head out, towards the exit to go sit outside on the stairs. He needed some fucking air. U nlike everyone else who brushed off the players’ hostile behavior towards one another, Jisoo stayed behind to watch Jungkook storm out of the gymnasium. Alike everyone else, she saw the small feud unravel between him and Namjoon. It worried her— made her feel like she was to blame. And by the look on Joon’s eyes whilst he stared up at her, the woman knew she had a reason to be alarmed. Jisoo sighed to herself, disappointedly shaking her head before she broke eye contact. Adjusting a fussing Yuna on the baby carrier, she carefully made her way down the bleachers, on the lookout for Jungkook.

“Namjoon, where are you going? Come back here!” The coach called out for him, noting how Joon‘s feet were already moving on their own. Namjoon clenched his jaw, but he listened nonetheless. He wanted to go after Jisoo, but the woman was already out of sight.

“Jungkook..?” After a couple minutes of walking around the unfamiliar hallways, Jisoo finally came across the younger man. He was sat by the stairs out front, relishing in the night’s breeze. She bit down on her lip, wondering if it was for the best if she left him and his thoughts alone.. But she couldn’t, she cared too much. Jisoo didn’t know where they stood in terms of a romantic relationship, but the younger was undoubtedly a friend. The woman cared for him like a mother. “Hey.” She sat down next to him, the faintest of smiles grazing her lips. “Nice job out there— so far. I knew you’d do great.”

Jungkook turned his chin to look at her, his clenched jaw softening at her praise. ''Thank you.. But..'' He sighs as his shoulders sink with his next words, ''I don't think they'll let me play anymore. Namjoon is being an ass... With all rights, I guess.'' His eyes meet Jisoo's, a lopsided smile tugging at his lips, ''He obviously still likes you, so I suppose it's not surprising. But I wonder how he suddenly just... assumed you were my girlfriend or something.'' He ran his long fingers through his damp hair, leaning back on his elbows whilst looking up at the sky. It felt weird, really. He couldn't get the thought of Taehyung out of his mind. ''And Taehyung was acting weird too.''

The sound of Jisoo’s muffled giggle disrupted the small pause of silence, “Kim Namjoon is being an ass? Are you sure we’re talking about the same Joon?” An unknowing smile tugged at the corner of her rosy lips. Temporarily dismissing the hurtful comment he spewed in the past, the dimpled boy couldn’t hurt a fly.. The fond image of Namjoon was soon replaced with Taehyung. Jisoo turned her head towards the younger, curious as to what he meant. “Weird? How.” There was a question that lingered at the tip of her tongue, and if she wasn’t so desperate to receive answers, the woman would’ve done a better job of suppressing her curiosity. “Jungkook... do you love Taehyung?”

Jungkook felt his chest tighten at the question, keeping his eyes fixed on the nothingness of the sky. ''I know I did.'' He let his elbows give in, now laying down on his back fully. ''Then I thought I didn't.'' A nother long pause passed by as he seemed to sink into his own thoughts- ''Fuck, I don't know... He's a constant push and pull.. He kept coming at me at the worst possible moments during the warmup to tell me he misses me-..'' He stopped himself to groan in annoyance, just talking about it made him feel the frustration of his feelings, covering his face with his hands.

Jisoo simply nodded, allowing her fingers to comb through Jungkook’s sweaty hair. “Jungkook-ah, love is not something that can just.. go away.” Looking down at him, she made sure the ground was relatively clean before meeting Kook at his level. The hand that laid closest to him engulfed his significantly bigger one, communicating her empathy in the form of a gentle squeeze. “What made you fall in love with him?” A hint of bitterness lingered behind her otherwise sweet words. However, Jisoo was curious, she guessed some closure would be nice.. Turning her head towards him, the woman broke out into a small grin. She snuggled close to Jungkook’s chest, Yuna’s soft exhales of breaths the only muse throughout the quiet night. “Tell mee~ don’t be annoying.”

Taehyung spent minutes searching around the darkened school— searching for Jungkook. He was fucking worried, it was unlike the younger to storm out of, well, anything. When he was about to walk past the entrance, Tae pressed the brake. It was Jungkook and Jisoo... Laying together, they seemed happy. The elder hid behind the wall, chest tightening into a knot at their close proximity. Why didn’t Jungkook push her away? Why did he move on so quickly.. Taehyung couldn’t stand it, he was practically putting himself through hell by lingering around, waiting for his suspicions to get proven true. With his jaw clenched, Tae walked away. He needed some time alone, time to think. He advanced into the only space that was vacant, the locker room. Sitting down on the bench, Taehyung hid his face in the palm of his hands. “I’m a fucking idiot..”

A long silence followed after Taehyung spoke out loud to himself... Until a soft chuckle echoed in the locker room, a tall stature with wide arms crossed over their chest. ''Yes, you are...'' Their voice was nothing short of hostile, stepping closer to Taehyung before coming to a halt, a piercing stare burning holes into the male. ''Why do you have to keep bothering Jungkookie? He doesn't want you.''

It was Ash.

He'd kept a close eye on Jungkook for a while, watching his relationship with Kim Taehyung go back and forth. Apparently, they were broken up for a bit now, and it was perfect. He'd planned to approach Jungkook after the game, proudly cheering for him in the audience. But the hurdle being the male below him kept trying to come back, bothering his little Kookie, who looked annoyed and upset down on the court. Nothing irked him more.

The intrusive, unforeseen voice pulled Taehyung out of his daze. He quickly looked up, no longer seeing pitch blackness— instead he saw red. What the hell was Ash doing here? He’d been deaf to the inclosing steps, even more surprising the sound of the door opening. How did the other know where to find him? “I didn’t fucking ask for your opinion.” He hissed from anger, the sight of the other male being enough to spike up his alertness. Taehyung stood up from the bench, meeting Ash halfway. “Why are you so goddamn obsessed with Jungkook’s every move? You don’t need to speak for him. If he doesn’t want me, he’ll tell me.”

Ash's shit eating smirk grew, but his eyes were filled with anger fueled further by Taehyung's attitude. He took a slow step closer, arms falling to his sides as he clenched and unclenched his fists. ''I have to look out for him. His entire body language screamed uncomfortable when you were all over him during the game.'' he hissed back every word laced with mocking anger, ''I hate how stubborn you are, just leave him alone if you know what's best for you.''

A scornful, amused chuckle slipped past Taehyung, who further challenged Ash by stepping up to him. “You have to look out for him?” Tae’s broad shoulders vibrated, a lopsided smile beginning to pull at the corner of his lips.

Who did he think he was..

“What, did he order a bodyguard or some shit?”

He forcefully pushed Ash by his shoulders, prompting the latter to widen the space between them. Being close to him made him sick. Every time he looked into his devilish, hollowed face, Taehyung was reminded of that night. The night he gasped for air whilst he ran through the dim streets, praying for nothing but Jungkook’s safety. What kind of desperate psycho would force someone to sleep with him? Just thinking about it angered Tae. “Yeah, whatever. You’re fucking crazy, you know that?” With one last glare his way, Taehyung purposely bumped shoulders as he walked past him. “Jungkook will never love you.” That was the last thing he reminded before aiming towards the door, suddenly missing the crowd’s spirited roars. Anything to not be here with him.

Ash crooked an eyebrow, saying nothing as he turned to watch Taehyung attempt to leave.

No. No fucking way.

The crazed rage burning within Ash's being was taking over. He had to make sure nobody was in his way to reach Jungkook. And Taehyung made a huge mistake by facing away from a guy like this. A man with nothing to lose-- and only one thing in mind.

Get rid of the obstacle.

Ash didn't hesitate as he practically sprinted the few steps forward, triggered by the other males last words. He grabbed Taehyung by his hair, tightly tangled between his fingers as he forcefully dragged him down, not caring about where, so he opted for the nearby sink. Taehyung's head collided with the hard surface, almost knocking him out in one go. "He doesn't have to love me yet." He growled, "all that matters is that he doesn't love you."

Ash tugged at Tae once more, lifting his head up only to bring it back down against the sink again. And again. And again... until there was blood staining the sink to the floor... Ash eventually stopped when he felt Taehyung's body weaken its struggle in his hold, throwing the man on the tiled floor with a thud. Staring down at him, he scoffed as he wiped his hand on his shirt, thankful he decided to wear black today. "Crazy for Jungkookie, maybe..." he mumbled before removing himself from the situation, glancing over at the bloody male before stepping out of the locker room. He hoped to never see this guy again.

Jungkook had poured out his emotions to Jisoo, time flew by quicker than he thought as he realized he should go back. "Jisoo, I gotta go... uh..." he rubbed his nape as he sat back up, "thank you for... listening to me. And cheering for me." He glanced over at Yuna with a fond smile, "and little one too."

“Yeah, no problem.” Jisoo stood up with him, “I should probably head home, she’s out.” The woman reached down to pick up Yuna’s carrier, trying not to make any bothersome movements that’ll wake the sleeping girl. She was in a deep slumber. Her chubby hands were balled up into small fists, and her pouty lips were parted whilst soft huffs snuck past them. Yuna looked absolutely adorable. As both of them took their time strolling through the empty hallways, Jisoo’s eyes widened when they fell upon Namjoon. The man looked.. distressed? It seemed as if he’d been running around the place, unstable gaze flickering between the two.

“Joon? What’s wrong?” The woman furrowed her brows, her caring tone easing Namjoon’s nerves from whatever the hell it was that took a burden on him. Ungluing his sharp glare from Jungkook, it didn’t take much for Joon to give in, gaze softening at the sight of Yuna.

“Uh.. do you know where Taehyung is? Coach told me to look for him, game starts soon.” Naturally, Jisoo turned to look at Kook, confusion swirling within her eyes. “No.. we haven’t seen him. Have you looked long?”

Namjoon answered with a quick nod of his head, naturally thinking of the worst. Did Taehyung leave the school? They needed him there, especially now that it was a close tie.

“We’ll help you look for him, don’t worry.” She supposed it wouldn’t take awfully long, Taehyung had to be around here somewhere.. “Let’s split?” Jisoo’s gaze flickered between both boys, waiting to see what they thought of her last-minute idea.

“Please.” Joon sourly muttered under his breath, wanting nothing more than to divide Jungkook and his noona. They’ve spent more than enough time together, a few minutes on their own shouldn’t be a challenge.

Jungkook felt his chest tighten with worry, and partially in annoyance. Why would Tae out of all people risk the game like this? He wouldn't. "Yeah, I'll check the locker rooms." Kook agreed, waiting for the confirmations of the two before no longer staying around to waste time.

As he headed down to the locker room area, he checked other rooms and bathrooms on the way. Kook clenched his jaw in annoyance; why'd Tae disappear like this? It's a dick move as always, Taehyung is a fucking-- "Taehyung?" He didn't recognize his own voice at first, but it was. Jungkook had pushed through the doors to the locker room, and was met with a bloody mess on the floor. And in the middle of it, an unconscious person. "Taehyung!"

Was that really his voice? It sounded so desperate and hoarse.

He rushed to drop to his knees next to Tae, not bothered in the slightest about the puddle of blood he's sitting in, nor does he care that his hands are stained with the way he grasped the elders body, gently picking him up to hold him close in his arms, cradling his face to get a good look. Leaning in, he placed his ear close to his mouth, relieved when he felt the small huff of air. He's alive. But it was weak. Kook kept holding his ex boyfriend close, using one hand to pick up his phone and text Namjoon.

Instead he texted the group chat.

To: gang gang 🏀 Help! Lockers

As soon as the text was sent he returned to look at Taehyung, every single drop of anger towards the man practically evaporated, and were replaced with everything else. Worry, anxiety, sadness. Love. Jungkook felt as if he would fucking die if Taehyung did. "Tae, please... Hold on." Kook sobbed out, holding the elder close.

Namjoon stayed relatively close to Jisoo, peeking his head inside every door, hallway, janitor’s closet— anywhere that could serve as a hiding spot for Tae. They were desperate, even opting for searching in the girls’ restroom.

Where the hell could he be?

When Joon thought about calling the younger’s cell for the millionth time, his phone’s buzzing chimed in his pockets. “Noona, it’s Kook.”

Quickly, the woman advanced to his side, the brightness of the screen casting a harsh light over their troubled expressions. “Locker room..?” Not stalling any longer, Joon took Jisoo by the hand and led her towards the familiar room with quick strides— “Jungkook, we’re here— holy shit!”

Namjoon’s squeamish heart picked up at the bloody mess in front of him, standing still like a statue until Jisoo’s shaky voice snapped him out of it. “Joon! Call an ambulance. O-oh my god..”

It looked bad. The pile of blood only grew in size, bright in comparison to the color of Taehyung’s skin; ghostly pale. The boy appeared to barely be hanging on. The gushing, scarlet liquid luckily seemed to lose its momentum now that he was turned upwards, but the stream on the dirty floor was a big loss.

“Kook? Why did you text-“ Hoseok’s cheery voice was cut short by a sharp gasp, tightly clasping a hand over his mouth. Jimin and Yoongi shared a look of pure worry, the sound of Namjoon’s nervous stuttering over the phone whilst he gave the person on the other line the information they needed sounded weak compared to their loud breathing. Seokjin rushed to Jungkook’s side, attempting to pull the latter away. “J-Jungkook-ah, it’s best if you let him be, it— it can cause more harm than good.”

Jungkook's vision was blurred by the constant flow of tears, blinking harshly to attempt to regain some grounding. Jin's hand helped to bring Kook back down, however the sight of all the blood only had the younger's anxiety growing, his body reacting without his own say so. He couldn't let go of Taehyung, there was no way.

"Jungkook, you need to let him go." Seokjin repeated, carefully trying to pry the younger's arms open. It wasn't an easy task, but as soon as the ambulance arrived they finally managed to; but only because Jungkook helped to put Tae on the transporter. They put Taehyung in the vehicle, several nurses already working on examining and treating him as another seemed to be making notes about his condition. Jungkook pleaded that he wanted to come with, but was denied. They said he could visit the hospital-- what kind of bullshit was that? The very second the ambulance left, Jungkook hadn't realized his own condition. He was a crying, bloody mess. His legs and outfit was stained with the elders blood, eyes bloodshot and glassy from the constant tears.

Slowly, the group of hyungs approached their youngest, worry and sadness in their eyes. Both for Taehyung and his safety, and for Jungkook. "Hey," Yoongi suddenly said as he wrapped his arms around Kook, not caring about the mess. One by one, every single one of his team had joined in the group hug, holding each other tightly. Jungkook's breathy sobs grew louder, but he had his hyungs keeping him together this time. A large crowd of students, parents, teachers— everyone that was originally there to enjoy an innocent game, gathered around the commotion. The sound of the ambulance’s loud, ear-piercing wail struck them as serious. And it was; people’s heightened gasps emerged at the quick glimpse of a team of nurses run through the halls at the speed of light, transporting a gory Taehyung from one end to the other until he was securely placed in the vehicle.

“What happened?”

“Who was that?”

“It looked serious..”

Muffled talk spread like wildfire, and some aimed their shitty phone camera at the centre of the action.

Yoongi had to hold himself back from freaking the fuck out, instead hugging Jungkook closer, shielding the boy’s frail emotions from unwanted eyes. Had humanity stooped that low? Why in the hell would they point a camera at them..

“Jungkook, your Tae’s strong.. he’ll be okay.” Jimin softly assured, even though he himself wasn’t too sure. Tears welled up in his own glassy eyes, but they didn’t need him breaking down as well. Jungkook was an emotional mess, he needed them the most.

“Come on, w-we’re going to the hospital.” Namjoon said, pulling away from the group hug to dig for his car keys, not caring about the unfinished game.

Jungkooks body felt heavy, unaware of the commotion around them as all he could think about was Taehyung. The moment he saw him on the floor kept replaying in his mind, the uncontrollable quivering of his body only held together thanks to Yoongi and Jimin as the others pulled back, still remaining close around them to serve as a human shield for the cameras. Kook did look like shit after all. But he couldn't bring himself to care.

He just wanted to see Taehyung.

The very second Namjoon said they'd go to the hospital, Jungkooks glassy, reddened eyes looked up at him, his hyungs leading him behind the eldest towards the truck. At a time like this, Namjoons dad truck surely was a blessing.

Jisoo heavily insisted on going, wanting to keep a weak Jungkook company but was reassured that she’d be in the loop on Tae’s condition.

"Noona, we’ll keep you informed.” Namjoon started the car, convincing her to drop it.

The mother had Yuna to take care of, it was late into the night.. it was best if she didn’t throw herself into this stressful situation. It was taking an emotional toll on everyone, especially Jungkook.

#fic: Love maze #sombreboy

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